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Chapter Text

01

“Are you saying that I am to lead them somewhere...?”

Kousetsu accepted the scroll from her. His icy blue eyes grew wary when he scanned the names written on the rice paper. Her inscriptions were neat and subtle, and her red seal marked the furthest right corner on the bottom of the paper. So bold and alarming, as if her orders weren’t absolute enough. Another call had been made, another journey to set. He wondered if it’s fine to go like that.

The Saniwa gently called him, affection was evident in her tone of speaking as she questioned him about his contemplation. He was silent for too long, and she had known him for quite some times to be able to decipher his silence in a way a person would with their significant other. Even though she had a feeling that she might have to differ with him this time.

“Are you certain that this is what you have in mind?”

“I’ve made sure I planned it carefully.” She hesitantly said and slightly tilted her head to his direction. “Is there something wrong?”

“I’m afraid I must disagree, Aruji.” He cleared his throat. “The journey we’re about to take will be too difficult for him.”

“I want to trust my swords more. I don’t want them to think that their Master is being too biased with her tachi and ootachi’” She sighed. “We’ve gone far enough, but honestly, it feels like I’m not giving everyone the opportunity they deserve.”

“Then why not postpone this and plan another strategy? Or we can wait until he’s strong enough. I understand your point, but there are lots of other things we can do aside pushing one’s limit or venturing into such risky deal.”

“We might run out of time.”

“What chases us?”

“Possibility, chances, and age. I’m not going to be with you forever, so I might as well make the most of our time together.”

“I wonder what kind of memories you’re trying to create by fighting.”

“I preserve the memories by fighting.” She returned his gaze with equal determination. Her black orbs clashed with his blue ones. Just like snowflakes being swallowed by the dark lake in wintry days. “Please, Kousetsu, I thought we’ve talked about this before?”

“And still, we didn’t make any conclusions yet.” He softly smiled. A sad one, in a mannerism that nearly resembled Souza Samonji, though Kousetsu’s felt even more stoic and impenetrable. Like a wall, it acted as his barrier with the world, with his surrounding, and she was no exception. Despite how close they were, or how far his feelings had developed for her.

“You might want to prepare yourself now.” She lifted her hand, hesitantly, then quickly pulled away and fisted it in front of her chest. “I will be praying for your safety...”

Kousetsu reached for her wrist and softly held her hand. She felt warm against his cold palm as his calloused fingers began tracing faint outlines along the veins on the back of her hand. She dazedly followed his movement with her eyes; clearly stunned with the rare display of intimacy. Though the flutters in her heart immediately succumbed when he said, “I hope you will be prepared for whatever consequences you must face later.”

Chapter Text

02

“It’s not over yet!” The dark-haired boy exclaimed, his stance and energy showed no signs of fatigue nor fear. His sleek ebony hair was being scattered by the wind that tasted of dusts, blood, and smoke when he cut through one of the enemies and turned it into a seam of abysmal smoke.

Ishikirimaru immediately came to his aid, and with a single blow, turned a pair of green monstrosity into a howling mess, leaving the last one for Kousetsu, who looked as collected and composed even after he killed the strongest enemy with one hit. The others followed him, Tarōtachi dismounted, and some of them remained in their quick marches. Soon, they were gathered around the boy, all concerned and nervous.

Nakigitsune’s fox loudly chimed and cautioned them about the journey, the Saniwa’s decree, and how hard it would be to gain victory when one of them was on the brink of death. The land was vast and the forests felt even denser than before. Enemies could lure them from anywhere, far stronger than the ones they had seen last week. All corners could be their ends. They were surrounded, and chance of winning seemed nonexistent.

“After centuries, who would have thought that human beings would eventually try to rekindle bloody history? This realm is indeed a peculiar one.” Tarōtachi placed his sword down, the heavy scabbard rattled against the stony grounds as dark sands flew around the gilded edge. His wistful, golden eyes stared faraway into a distance. It was noontime, the sunlight felt eerie and stinging. The ravens’ squawks echoed through the forest as soaring smoke tainted the pale sky with ashen clouds.

“I feel a turbulent sign... please confirm.” Kousetsu murmured, he sounded anxious. His brilliant blue eyes dulled when he watched Ishikirimaru gently guided Namazuo to mount the horse’s back. The young boy was heavily damaged, but his resoluteness and determination were some of many things he could praise.

No wonder the Saniwa fancied him so. He thought. Out of her other wakizashi, aside Nikkari Aoe and Horikawa Kunihiro, Namazuo was one of the regulars in their current grouping. He had lost count of how many times he and Namazuo had been exchanging position as the captain. They were her best lineup after all, she often said. Though oftentimes, to Kousetsu, what sounded like compliments to others felt like a denunciation to his belief.

“Kousetsu-dono, aren’t we moving?” Nakigitsune’s fox asked, and Kousetsu was given no time when he realized that he had no choice but to lead them. To the past full of blood and corpses and burned timbers. To a certain place where some of the rarest swords would appear. Their master had been very ambitious these days. Only God knows how many times she had sent them there only to have most of them returned with empty hands and heavy injuries.

“At least you gain more experiences. As time goes by, without realizing, you’ll be conquering it in no time.”

That was what she said to both Izuminokami and Namazuo in one afternoon when four of them, including Kousetsu, gathered for tea. Kousetsu wanted to oppose her statement, to remind her not to be too hopeful in battles, but he dismissed his thoughts when his comrades responded with prime smile.

“We’ll certainly become stronger, Aruji!”

Could his fellow swords become more optimistic? Or could he become any more pessimistic than he already is? Even his youngest brother, Sayo Samonji, had more perseverance regarding his duty than him.

Ah, what a loyalty. Kousetsu told himself eerily, torn between duties and belief, as always.

The white horse neighed before it slowly marched down through the small path inside the forest after Kousetsu lightly tapped the strain in his grip. Other swords followed suit with their horses, whilst Nakigitsune and Izuminokami Kanesada gaily sped up beside them in a matter of minutes; their steps were as airy as spring wind.

“Is there not... a road of peace?” he questioned for the umpteenth time, and a pang of guilt suddenly hit him when he realized that he had been whining and complaining too much. Who was he to wonder about life and peace when he himself had no power to control his reluctance? No power nor knowledge to handle his naïve ideals... and his endless irresoluteness to his destiny as a sword.

Icy blue hair fluttered in the wind, sands and dry leaves blew to his direction as they grew closer to their next destination. Kousetsu slowed down, discomfort felt even clearer at the pit of his stomach. Tarōtachi’s swords hit the ground. Its gigantic steel was slowly exposed to the sunlight. Ishikirimaru chanted a short prayer as the delicate curve of his healing sword reflected the severe sun. Familiar stench of blood, smokes, and corpse returned, and in a blink of an eye, a horde of arrows were thrown at their direction.

He pulled the rein, the horse jolted and its front legs flew midair for a few seconds before hitting the ground with loud groans. Kousetsu unsheathed his sword, the pale ice in his azure orbs hardened once a giant monster jumped in front of him. His figure twice his height, fluorescent red smokes surrounded his gigantic built, its growl could rip an ordinary human’s ears.

The heavy, stone-like bones clattered against the sharpness of his steel as he made a large slit across the monster’s stomach. Flesh and muscles mingled into abyss. The monster’s groan being swallowed by the sound of clashing swords. Without lowering his guard, he observed. He watched how Tarōtachi slit a tantou and an uchigatana in a single blow, followed with Ishikirimaru who slayed the strongest tachi with ease. Its captain was trapped between Izuminokami, Nakigitsune, and Namazuo. He felt like they can proceed after this one, but alas, although the trio won the number, their attacks weren’t fatal enough.

Kousetsu stormed to their aid and arrived just on time to defend them, though still not fast enough to prevent himself from getting wounded. The yari looked unperturbed, despite being the only one left. His breath reeked of ammoniac and sulfur, body robust and smoky, with bitter smell of burnt leather and rotten flesh. A stuffy growl rumbled from his chest, his spear was aimed at Kousetsu.

He coldly flipped his sword. He held it horizontally before his chest, as the cold lance collided against the elegant blade. Sunlight danced above them, the specks of blood across Kousetsu’s silken robe had dried as he spun his arms and forced the monster to back away before he lunged his sword forward and stabbed it to death.

He flicked his sword to the air and sheathed it back. “We must retreat...”

“No, we can’t. We haven’t fulfill our duty yet.” Namazuo snapped. Despite his injury, his resolve seemed to persist, if not drastically increasing.

“We have limits to consider...” Kousetsu dully replied and closed his eyes. “Despite the absolute order, and our sense of duty, we shall not impose ourselves to intervene in matters that are beyond our experience.”

“But we’ve faced this battle before.”

“We were here once, yes, and I do believe that we’re all still aware that we earned nothing but damages.”

“Don’t let me get in the way, I can manage until we finished the mission. Please have faith in me!”

“Captain, you have to make a quick decision.” Izuminokami Kanesada shifted from one leg to another while his hand readily propped on the edge of his sword as he nonchalantly scanned the area in his usual gallantness, turquoise eyes fiery with ambition and brashness. “The enemy won’t wait for us.”

Tarōtachi and Ishikirimaru remained silent. Their eyes gazing into the distance, to the awaiting fatality that might as well be their ends. Nakigitsune stared at Namazuo with gloomy look. He looked like he wanted to say something, but his fox was unusually silent and anxious.

“The air is... full of grief and sorrow...”

Chapter Text

03

“Aruji-sama, are you alright?” Imanotsurugi inquired, his vermillion eyes intently stared at her. He slowly cupped her trembling hands which still clamped in praying position before her chest. The remaining white beads dangled between her thumbs and index fingers. A lone trail of red thread fell limply along the back of her hand which ended at a bunch of scattered beads on her lap.

“No, nothing’s alright...” she clutched the broken rosary, the thread felt rough and sharp as it slowly slit her skin open. Her stomach stirred, bitterness lingered at the back of her throat, and every intake of breath caused her heart to throb two times harder.

“Are they in danger...? Did something happen to them?” The tantou froze, his hands turned cold and her skin burned under his palms. He sounded like he was about to cry.

The Saniwa lifted her face, the premonitions and anxiety looked extremely vibrant through her darkened irises. Her pupils shifted warily, eyes gleamed with fear. From the widely opened shoji, she could hear crickets singing, wind bustling, as the sunlight peeping in through the rustling leafs and branches. The furin hung by the wooden ingresses swung amid the heat and placid wind. Early summer air was vibrant and invigorating, but her chamber was haunted by a bone-chilling terror.

“.... Aruji-sama... you’re bleeding...” Imanotsurugi moved closer. Her knuckles squeezed his fingers, blood painted her skin with sickening rogue. “Aruji-sama... please...”

“Imanotsurugi, listen to me...” she firmly said, tears welled in her eyes. “Tell Yagen to prepare the repairing rooms, and send the pigeon to the Second Unit. I want them to return from the expedition as soon as possible.”

“B-but Aruji-sama, your wounds―”

“This pain would be nothing compared to the consequence I must face later...”

❅❅❅

“Ora!” Izuminokami shouted and launched himself together with Nakigitsune, attacking the monster from both side of its body. One hit the waist, and the other hit the stomach, their blades clashed in the middle as they slashed their way through.

Red dusts saturated the air with anguish. Soils rotted under their feet, putrid smell of smoke and blood thickened amidst the miserable mood. They were almost at their limit, yet the enemies showed no signs of surrender.

Tarōtachi’s chest heaved with rare intensity. Maliciousness emanated from the monsters which currently besieged him side by side. He swung his sword in circular motion, eyes vicious as he sliced both tachi by the stomach, blood and burnt metals rained around his body.

“Take this: my peerless gale!” He spat out amidst the evaporating corpses, the upper part of his robe had ripped and exposed the pale skin along his forearm and his collarbones which had been littered with open wounds.

Ishikirimaru fell on one of his knees after he hit an enemy. He had no more strength to respond when a yari came to his direction. Kousetsu and Nakigitsune fled to his aid, but not fast enough to prevent Namazuo from receiving the attack. He gritted his teeth once he caught the spear with the side of his blade. The monster growled and twisted his spear with one hand before he caught it with his free hand and slammed the pole against the steel. Namazuo was forced backward to his comrade’s direction, his hands wobbled due to the immense pressure, and the blade eventually flung out his grip.

 “Namazuo-san!” Ishikirimaru chided, grey eyes went pallid and voice swallowed by sinister sound of cracking metal and guttural whimpers. A shadow came and blocked his view with comforting azuline hues.

Absinthial blood drizzled around Kousetsu’s body once the foul monster disappeared on the edge of his sword. Namazuo’s limp body tumbled backward to his direction, and Kousetsu immediately caught him and brought them both into sitting position. As he leaned on Kousetsu’s lap, the gaping incision on his stomach pulsated. More and more blood trickled down and Namazuo could feel his sanity slowly being taken away.

Tarōtachi handed him his sword back, to which he received with nearly inaudible remark of gratitude. Its sheath was severely damaged when the monstrous spear hit it. The blade was far from safe, for it was fractured with visible notches here and there.

Ishikirimaru shifted closer and placed a warm hand on his head, “Namazuo-san, please hold on...”

The said boy shook his head. Eyes closed, fingers tightly wrapped round the naked steel. His body slowly evaporated into broken, silvery particles.

“I lost... I lost... It’s fine for this to be the end, isn’t it?”

Chapter Text

04

The Sage arrived with Horikawa who was carrying a box of tokens for healing. She stopped on her track, eyes watered at the sight. At the sum of her unit which had turned into five instead of six. She gripped the front of her robe, her heart pounded loudly against her hand. If possible, she would rip her heart out of her chest if that would repent her guilt, or if it actually could fix anything.

“Aruji, are you alright?” Horikawa whispered, taking notice of her anxiety.

“I’ve made them suffer.” She replied, solemn grief and pain adorned her pale face. Eyes bloodshot and swollen, dark shades overtook the expanse of her lower lids which sagged in distress and fatigue.

“Taishō, let us help...” Yagen came and readily took the box from her, as if there was nothing happened, as though no one had died in first place. Her heart was dense with guilt when Tarōtachi entered the booth with Yagen, Imanotsurugi was in the other room with Ishikirimaru, leaving her with Horikawa, Souza, and Kousetsu. Izuminokami and Nakigitsune had excused themselves to their respected rooms. Bless them both, The Sage gratefully thought, for they had safely returned without injuries.

“Horikawa-san, I will help Yagen with repairing, would you prepare some tea for Souza-san and Kousetsu-san?”

“Taishō, you shouldn’t bother... you’re hurt yourself.” Yagen said as soon as she headed to the large steel propped on a wooden stance at one of the corners of the room.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me...”

She placed both hands on the steel. Her fingers glided on its scalded surface, the thick vessel hot under her bandaged palms. She then took the uchiko ball and dabbed it along the dented length before wiping the sword clean with wet towel.

“Yagen, have you finished with his wounds?”

“Yes, something wrong?”

She shook her head and breathed her soul onto a paper talisman which immediately fluttered away from her hand down to the gleaming steel. For a moment, she remained silent as she watched Tarōtachi’s vessel gained its lustrous gleam once again.

“Once he wakes up, please guide him back to his room and let him rest. I will go check Ishikirimaru’s condition now.”

“Taishō...” She paused on her way to the door and threw a curious glance through her shoulder. “Please don’t force yourself... none of us blamed you for what happened today...”

❅❅❅

“I am called Kousetsu Samonji. Is there a day when fighting disappears from the world?”

“I suppose that day will be the end of time.”

Kousetsu looked up and he met the clearest eyes he had ever seen in centuries of his life. They were bright with mirth, determination, and equal astuteness to match her curious nature. He saw life and all its dynamism in her and it caught him off guard. It made him wondered if he really deserves such master, whose personality is the complete opposite of his.

“If there is a fight, one side will drown in sorrow no matter what.”

The wind sent the cherry blossom petals flying all over the fragrant air. His stance poised and detached. Eyes cold but gentle, in stunning shades of silvery cerulean, similar to that of a wintry forest. The Sage poured him a cup of tea and pushed it to his direction, to which he politely accepted with a faint tug at the corner of his lips.

“If there is no fight, we won’t be able to protect what we must protect, and we might never be able to make peace. At least not in this world we currently stayed at.”

“Even so... I... hate fighting.” It was merely a whisper, yet she was able to sense even the smallest amount of animosity at the edge of his sentence. Such ambiguity would had been taken as a form of cowardice or apathy, if someone else was to talk over the same matter, but Kousetsu... he sounded like his existence was meant for nothing but grief.

“Do we really have a choice, Kousetsu? If only we were the masters of what’s fated to us, things will be easier I suppose. But on the other hand, though the world is unfair, the universe will eventually bless us with things we never thought we could have.”

“Nevertheless, the world is still full of sorrow... and universe is often limited to things that are insubstantial...” Kousetsu stared to the terrace, her garden burst with gaudy, spring color. “... Is there really no salvation at all?”

“Souza-san... do you think salvation really exists?” she stared at her lap, then to the soaring maples, cherry trees, and lilt wisteria that danced and swayed under the bright, cerulean sky which, of course, reminded her of Kousetsu’s soothing appearance although the season didn’t suit him in all sense. Intense adomania surged through her, nostalgia and hope for the future coiled inside her heart, for she suddenly expected for winter, but at the same time, wished that tomorrows would never exist. 

“What kind of thought could a caged bird think of...?” he tipped his head to the left side of his shoulder, his gentle gaze roamed across the Master’s feature. “...I don’t think I can give you a satisfying answer, but I’d like to think that salvation probably exists in death.”

“Your answer somehow doesn’t differ that far from his...”

“Him?” Souza stared at her askance before following her gaze into the five-mat bedroom behind them. Heterochromatic eyes softened when he saw his younger brother, Sayo, playing with his origami papers beside their eldest brother’s futon. The latter was still serenely asleep after he had his treatment two hours ago.

“Last autumn... few months after his arrival, we took a walk to the small forest behind the flower bed.” She skimmed through to the open field before the porch they were sitting at and lifted a finger to the small track which led to a vast meadow and lush wooded area. “Everything bathed in lurid yellow, red, and brown... the air was clean and breezy... it was just so comforting and peaceful.”

Souza listened with much intent as he slowly leaning his back on the wooden pillar. On the ceiling above, the small bell jingled and its monosyllabic tune shrilled between cicadas’ song and summer gust. The air reminded him of a folksong, of the melody he sometimes heard during his time with those esteemed royals. A tune so melancholic, restrained, and hollow―although the strings were plucked by the most beautiful woman, in most decorated garments, and with the finest upbringing. Sadness’ face would remain naked to the world―in spite of everything, immune to all sort of masks, even the one that belongs to death.

“We walk, and walk, until we arrived at a large gingko tree near a small lake. The earth looked as if it was carpeted with gold as we stayed and watched the falling leafs floating through the gentle stream...” her breathing resonated through the vacant air, profound and desolate. “And he told me this... Nature never cease to fascinate... although some only live so temporarily, they bring joy and beauty, and eventually... they wither in peace. Unbothered by sadness, fear, nor pain.”

“Nii-sama is the only man I know who would say such thing in that kind of moment...” Souza sighed, sounded a bit torn that the loving imagery had to become so gloomy in the end. “And... what did you say to him?”

“I couldn’t say anything. I was a bit disappointed that I couldn’t grant him any form of escapade... that I was insignificant to him.” She despondently said, eyes darted back to where Sayo was sitting. “And after what happened today, I wonder what I would be for him. I should have listened to him when he asked me to postpone the mission. He had warned me about the consequence, but I was too immature to reconsider.”

“Then... which saddened you the most, Nii-sama and his reserve, or Namazuo’s departure... if I may wonder about such thing...?”

“I could never meet anyone or any soul with heart as big as his. I might be able to smith him a thousand times, or found his vessel dropping somewhere, but no memories would feel as complete as the ones in past... I sent him to his death, and Kousetsu and the rest of the First Unit thought that they were guilty when it’s all supposed to be my responsibility.”

She replied. Softly, hoarsely. She was keeping herself from weeping, and Souza was struck with more wonder. How could someone possess such temper? She was fearless when she was supposed to feel terrified, yet she was so controlled when she was supposed to vent her emotions. And it made him realized something: sadness, at certain times, needs to be sheltered. It would became dusty, old, and rusted, but it would eventually survive in one of those solitary reminiscences.

“I made everyone suffer because of my decision, and they still insist that I’m not to blame... I’m sad, if not deeply moved by their loyalty. I wonder if I’m fortunate or simply a damsel in distress.”

“Well, you’re indeed fortunate... ambitious, perhaps, though you’re not to be compared to my previous masters...” he murmured, his gazes settled at the ground, where shadow of the trees swayed together with the dull wind. “Even so, it never crossed to me that you’re a damsel in distress...”

Silence dawned over them, and so did the afternoon. Cicadas and crickets sang louder, the summer sky was shimmering, as albicant waves flourished between the glaring sun and brilliant nuance of azure and light grey.

“I hope I could share my fortune with everyone...” she sighed, craned her neck to the inner room, and inwardly smiled as she watched Sayo fiddling with his paper.

Tiny hands enveloped a small triangle, as he folded the edges in much caution, afraid that he would crumple the whole piece instead of making a clean pleat like how Imanotsurugi taught him. He kept folding until the paper shaped like a diamond and he shyly beamed at his elder brother and muttered something she could barely hear from their current distance. Kousetsu replied and pointed at the edge of the paper before he gave Sayo a light pat, voice gentle and nurturing as he guided the little boy with his origami.

“Why don’t we get back in?” Souza gently noted and stood up to where his brothers are. The Saniwa reluctantly joined the trio in their shared bedroom, eyes wandered to Souza’s direction as he caringly waited for Sayo to finish his craft.

“How are you feeling?” she slowly inquired. Both Kousetsu and Souza’s eyes lingered at her for a while. “Your wounds must have healed now...”

“Nii-sama, you shouldn’t move too much.” Souza commented the moment Kousetsu brought himself up in sitting position. She pressed both knuckles on her lap, one hand entwined with another as guilt flooded her thoughts when she caught a glimpse of his scarred chest through the lapels of his clothes.

“I’m fine... nothing for you to worry about...” Kousetsu gave his younger brother a brief look. “Like Aruji said, my wounds are completely healed now...”

“That doesn’t mean you can be reckless...” Souza shook his head disapprovingly, though his voice contained no reprimand nor irritation. “Anyhow, speaking of being reckless, I just remember... I have to help Horikawa at the kitchen. Maybe we can make shaved ice and peel some fruits for everyone. Will you join me, Sayo?”

The little boy lifted his face and shyly nodded, his cheeks had a pink blush on them when he quickly tidied his paper and straightened himself up. The duo left not so long after, as their brother and the master drowned in what was unsaid and unable to be said.

“I think I should help them as well.”

“Stay...” Kousetsu assented, his hands met her wrists, cold and soothing as he pushed her sleeves up and revealed her bandaged palms. They smelt of herbal, stuffy with cottons, and marked with vivid crimson line that stretched from one side to another. Tiny red marks adorned the insides of her fingers that trembled in his grip. “Please don’t hurt yourself anymore. You won’t be able to share your fortune if you ended up in pain.”

“How long have you been listening?” she winced, partly because Kousetsu lightly skimmed his fingers against her throbbing skin, and the rest was caused by his statement.

“It hasn’t been that long, I supposed.”

“Kousetsu... I... I know it’s difficult since you were the captain, but can you please think of it as the results of my rash decision, that it was me who should take blame for his departure...?” she lowered her face and bit the inside of her cheeks.

“I understand your sorrow, your regrets, but your request... is simply impossible.”

Her tears pelted against his pale hands that securely enfolded hers. Kousetsu’s lips trembled as he struggled to find the right words, his eyebrows contoured into a taut frown. His heartbeat were elevating, pounding, and aching for his counterpart who had been containing an ocean of sadness behind the optimistic façade she had always been showing, a depression that felt more consuming than his own dilemma.

He pressed his hand on the slope of her left cheek, his thumb followed the glistening trail left by her tears. She stared at him stunned, her whole body quivered with tormenting warmth. The more she drowned into the resonant depths of his sky-blue eyes, the more her heart stung.

“I promise I won’t ask anything from you anymore, and I’ll never send you out for battles if you don’t want to, but please... please don’t you ever feel guilty...”

She turned her head away, and Kousetsu reluctantly pulled his hand off her cheek. His body stiffened, as the stark emptiness spread under his skin and turned his nerves into tangled knots. It was hurt to be denied. To be avoided. And it pained him more when he remembered that he had such thought few hours ago. Such intention to part himself further from his Master.

“You’ve done what you deemed as the right decision... and by fulfilling that decision, we all have our own share of responsibility. I had the nerve to warn you about the consequence, but it was a shame that instead of keeping a good eye on them, I dwelled in my own concern and neglected the duty you had bestowed to me. My negativity had dulled my awareness, and I was slow to act upon others’ situation. I should have known better not to think of my own self.”

She deeply sighed before stood up. “I shall take my leave now Kousetsu... please have a rest.”

Chapter Text

05

“Nii-sama, if today exists in a whole different time, in a completely different world, what do you want to do?”

“What kind of world is that?” he closed his eyes and refrained from rolling the rosary between his fingers. “If we’re to live in a different time, different world, what will we become?”

“Human beings... ordinary ones. Born by flesh and bones, not metal and woods. Breathing, crying, and walking... without tempering, burning, or being treated as mere prizes or trading objects. No wars, immortality, and loss to be mulled over.

“Nevertheless, the world is still suffering...”

“Oh, Nii-sama...” Souza softly chided. “But it’s better than suffering alone, don’t you think? The world seems more colorful when you’re granted a proper life as human.”

“But humans aren’t used to death... nor loss...  nor suffers... once exposed to it, they’ll crumble and yield to sadness.”

Souza tilted his head, his brother’s figure was reflected in his melancholic eyes. “And here you are being caught by your own anxieties.”

“I am concerned. Terribly and desperately.”

“How long do you think this situation will last?”

Kousetsu shook his head weakly.

Is there any way to measure a distance? Is there any tool to measure the depth of one’s heart and mind?

He had lived long enough to understand the meaning of time and maturity, pain and sufferings, silence and observation. He could describe the meaning of being frozen with time, the destiny of a tool, and the essence of karma. But distance?

Kousetsu once thought that distance only occurred during one’s absence. Distance appears naturally as the earth revolves. According to science, once measured and calculated, you can predict future from distance alone and modern humans keep trying to narrow it down through their bizarre ‘technology’.

But no one ever told him that it could be so suffocating and painful. No one taught him that distance can occur between two people who were standing, breathing, and staring at each other in a same room. Distance, is actually something that you can see.

It existed in the way she averted her eyes away from his. It followed every inch of her movement as she awkwardly tried to walk past him when they saw each other in the hallway. It echoed in her voice whenever she assigned him the expedition task or when she announced their chores.

He thought that it would last for few days or a week. But apparently, it had been months. Summer had been replaced by biting winter, and the weather felt chillier and lonelier without her constant calls for assistance. The days were spent in leisure, but his heart and mind was utterly restless.

What chases us?

Possibility, chances, and age. I’m not going to be with you forever, so I might as well make the most of our time together.

Kousetsu wondered.

How are we supposed to make the most of our time together if you avoid me so.

He could picture her shaking her head with that serene, sad smile and replies that she doesn’t want to make him feel any guiltier than he already is. That she doesn’t want to burden him anymore. She would tell him not to worry too much and the cliff between them would stretch even more. She would disappear behind shadows of duty until she eventually dies in regrets.

I shouldn’t have known better shouldn’t I?

Ah... what a statement.

She handled the consequences so well and he forlornly wished for the opposites.