Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“No Alex, tonight?” Adam asked as he settled into the booth next to Aaron.

“Nah,” Aaron grunted in reply.

“Trouble in paradise?” The look on Aaron’s face might have deterred a weaker man, but Adam knew him too well; he wasn’t intimidated by Aaron’s grumpiness. “I’m just sayin’. I’ve not seen him as much lately so, you know, is it not working out with him?”

“Dunno,” Aaron shrugged. He hated conversations like this; he really wasn’t good at talking about feelings and shit. “He’s just…I dunno,” he repeated. “He’s a nice bloke, but I just don’t think…” he sighed in frustration. “I just don’t think we’re right for one another.” He chugged a great mouthful from his pint in relief at managing to explain it, albeit rather haltingly, to his best mate.

“Your mum’ll be devastated,” Adam chuckled, causing Aaron to scowl at him again. “But, in all seriousness, if it’s not working out, just tell him. Like you said, he’s a decent bloke: he’ll understand. No point dragging it out.”

Aaron hummed in agreement. It really was time for him to sit Alex down and tell him that they didn’t have a future together. He was just dreading the prospect of having that conversation.

As he took another sip from his beer, his eyes were drawn to the bar where Robert was sitting with his own pint chatting with his sister. He couldn’t help but stare at Robert. No matter what had gone on in the past, he would always love Robert. Maybe that was why he couldn’t see himself settling with Alex. He couldn’t see himself with anyone else. Ultimately, Robert was the one for him.

“Is he something to do with why you’re going to dump Alex?” Adam’s voice cut through his thoughts and he turned to see his best mate gesturing towards the bar with his glass.

“What?” Aaron asked, playing dumb to avoid the question.

Rolling his eyes, Adam said, “Whatever, mate. You can keep trying to pretend, but it doesn’t work with me. I’ve known you too long.” He sighed as he looked at Aaron closely. “Why don’t you just talk to him? Tell him how you feel.”

“It’s not that easy,” Aaron muttered.

“Course it is!” Adam exclaimed. “You obviously wanna be with him. I’m pretty sure he’d jump at the chance to be with you again. Maybe it’s time you let go of everything that’s happened.”

The thing was, Aaron already had let it go. He wasn’t holding onto that anger about Robert’s betrayal anymore; he was over it. And he still loved Robert – there was no denying it. They’d become friends over the last few months - really good friends. They’d become comfortable around one another again, without the tension that had been lingering between them. The mistakes of the past had well and truly been left behind.

But Aaron couldn’t ignore the fact that while they’d become close again, he’d also realised just how much he still wanted Robert.

***

Robert hadn’t realised that anyone had walked up behind him. It wasn’t until the hand smoothed across his shoulders that he noticed, jumping in surprise and turning around on his stool.

“Ian?” he said in surprise as he realised who it was that was now standing next to him. “What are you doing here?”

“I was on my way back from work, passing the village, so I thought I’d drop in and see if you were around. You’d mentioned ‘the only pub in the village’ was the place to be so I thought I’d try my luck, and here you are,” Ian told him brightly. “Just what I needed after a long day at the office.” He leant down and placed a soft kiss against Robert’s cheek, his hand gentle against his back.

Robert just stared at him in awe, feeling a little heat rising in his cheeks. He couldn’t believe that Ian had gone to the effort of coming to see him and seemed so genuinely pleased to have found him.

After much cajoling by Vic, who kept insisting that he ‘moved on’, Robert had ended up out in Leeds a few times. It didn’t matter that he kept telling her that he wasn’t still hung up on Aaron, he’d let him go and they were just mates now, he wasn’t clinging on to any foolish hope that they’d get back together. She wasn’t having any of it.

Vic had even gone with him as his ‘wing woman’ (as she’d put it) to ensure that he didn’t just sit around looking bored and actually gave some people a chance. 

The first few evenings hadn’t been anything to get excited about, but on the third night out, an attractive, well-dressed man had caught Robert’s eye and clearly returned the interest. The man (Ian) had offered to buy Robert a drink and they’d got to chatting. Ian was probably a few years younger than Robert, with light brown hair and lovely warm chocolate-coloured eyes. He was taller than Robert, and he actually found that he quite liked looking up at someone, and he was broader too. It didn’t take much to imagine that he was probably really fit beneath his clothes. He was dressed impeccably in a smart jacket and tight jeans and, when he leant closer to speak into Robert’s ear over the music thumping in the crowded bar, he smelt delicious.

There was a moment when Robert compared him to Aaron. Of course he was going to. After spending so long being completely in love with Aaron, only ever wanting Aaron, not imagining himself with anyone else, it was impossible not to compare this man to the love of his life.

The two men were different. And that was good. That was what Robert needed. Not that Robert was looking for anything serious, or any sort of commitment, and he certainly wasn’t looking for an ‘Aaron replacement’: it was just time for something different. He just wanted to enjoy himself and if this bloke was going to help with that then Robert wasn’t going to complain.

An epiphany at Christmas had helped Robert to realise that he couldn’t be with Aaron, not how he really wanted to. And he’d accepted that. He was friends with Aaron now, good friends, and he was grateful for that. He wanted Aaron in his life. He knew that friends was all they could be and even though he’d still always yearn for more, he knew he had to keep that desire locked away in his heart.

Aaron had moved on: he was in a healthy, happy relationship with Alex and Robert was pleased for him. It also made him realise that maybe it was time for him to move on too.

Ian had chatted with him for a long time and Robert had had to admit that he was charmed. He’d pulled out all of his patented Robert Sugden charm too to ensure that Ian was left feeling the same way. Eventually, with a soft smile, Ian had asked Robert for his number. He’d laughed lightly at Robert’s almost disappointed look. ‘I’m not looking for a quickie in the toilets,’ he’d said as he’d leaned in to Robert again. ‘But I’d really like to see you again.’ Robert had smiled back and they’d swapped numbers, before going their separate ways.    

Vic had been beside herself with excitement about what had happened and hadn’t shut up about Ian since that evening. Robert had been playing his cards close to his chest, not wanting to tell his sister too much, but he’d been texting Ian since they’d met last week and they’d even shared some phone calls in the last couple of days.

He was almost too nervous to admit it, but he was actually excited about something for the first time in ages.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he said as he smiled at Ian.

“Sorry. I probably should’ve called or something, but I guess I got carried away.”

“Don’t apologise,” Robert replied. “It’s great to see you. It’s a lovely surprise.”

Ian smiled brightly at him. “Shall I get you another one then?”

Robert nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“And you’d better introduce us,” Vic announced from the other side of the bar.

Robert had been so caught up in the surprise of seeing Ian that he’d completely forgotten his little sister standing right there. She was now staring at Ian with wide eyes and a cheeky grin on her face and Robert just hoped that she wouldn’t embarrass him too much.

“Ian,” he said, “this is my little sister, Victoria.”

“Ah, the bodyguard from the other night,” Ian concluded, and Vic laughed brightly.

“And here was me thinking I’d been so discreet that no-one noticed me,” she said. “Anyway, I had to hang around to make sure Rob didn’t get himself into any trouble.”

Robert rolled his eyes. So much for not embarrassing him.

***

“Who’s that?” Adam asked, his voice full of the same confusion that Aaron was feeling.

His mouth had flapped open, his pint suspended halfway to his lips, as he’d watched the stranger walk up behind Robert and touch him so casually. The churning in his stomach had only intensified as the man leant down and brushed a kiss against Robert’s cheek. And when he saw Robert beaming up at him, his heart had thudded painfully in his chest.

“I dunno,” he managed to say, unable to tear his eyes away from the chatting pair at the bar.

He knew he had no right to feel upset about seeing Robert with someone else. He’d made the decision that they were over. Even when Robert had begged, pleaded, that they could work it out, he’d stood firm. And it had been the right thing to do. They’d both needed some time to figure things out, work out how to be individuals without being ‘Robert and Aaron’. And they were both so much better now, so much healthier.

Aaron had moved on with Alex and at the time, it had seemed right. Robert had struggled to accept it. He’d been an idiot about it on more than one occasion, but eventually he’d come to realise that Aaron had moved on and he’d dealt with it. He’d calmed down a lot, accepted that Aaron was with someone else. He’d even taken off his wedding ring after so many months of wearing it in some vain hope that they’d get back together and just go back to where they’d been before everything was ruined.

And they were mates now. They could quite happily sit together and have a chat over a pint. Surely that meant he was supposed to be pleased to see Robert looking so happy with someone else after all this time. Unfortunately, it felt a lot like a punch to the gut.  

He stared at the two men at the bar, trying to get his head (and his heart) to make sense of what he was seeing.

Robert was laughing brightly; that loud, carefree laugh that Aaron had always basked in because it made him feel warm from head to toe. The man beside him kept touching him: a hand on his shoulder, a touch to his arm. He kept leaning in to speak to Robert, as though they were in some crowded noisy nightclub and he had to get close to be heard. And Robert was absolutely glowing with the attention.

Something tightened in the pit of Aaron’s stomach as he watched. This was the moment, he suddenly realised. He’d not been prepared for it because he hadn’t ever really imagined it would happen. But this was it: Robert was moving on.

“You alright, mate?” Adam’s voice broke through his thoughts.

Blinking rapidly and tearing his eyes away, he glanced back at his friend. “What? Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Think I’m gonna head home. See you later, yeah?”

He downed the last of his pint and stood up from the booth. Not wanting to be noticed by anyone, he quietly slipped out of the rear door of the pub and made his way home, his mind replaying what he’d seen.

***

“Alright?” Aaron grunted as he walked into the portacabin the following morning, flicking the switch on the kettle as he passed it.

“Yeah, you?” Robert asked as he looked up from the paperwork on his desk.

“Yeah, good.”

The conversation didn’t go any further but that wasn’t entirely unusual for them. Robert knew Aaron well enough to know that he didn’t do ‘chats’ until he’d had a least one cup of tea in a morning, so he usually waited before striking up conversation.

Aaron sat at his desk and pretended to be looking through some papers, while he waited for the kettle to boil, but secretly he was watching Robert. He was looking for any signs that Robert seemed different, like he’d got a new boyfriend, for example.

An unsettled night had given Aaron plenty of time to think about what had happened the evening before in the pub. He’d come to the conclusion that he didn’t have any right to be upset or angry that Robert was flirting (was that all it was? his mind had asked him) with someone else. And it certainly wasn’t fair to take it out on Robert, even if he was feeling hurt.

He’d been the one to move on first. They’d both agreed that their relationship was over, but it had just taken Robert longer to actually meet anyone else. And Aaron couldn’t be an arse about it now - that would just make him a complete hypocrite. As much as he didn’t want to see Robert with anyone else, because he wanted him back, he couldn’t stop him; he wouldn’t interfere in his life.

Internally, he was going to be screaming about how Robert should be with him and only him, but he’d promised himself that he was going to make a real effort to be a good friend. He was going to try to be ‘happy’ for Robert.

“Saw ya at the pub last night,” he blurted and then wondered why he’d said anything at all, let alone that.

Robert looked up immediately. He looked a little nervous. “Yeah, I was going to come over.”

‘But then you got distracted by that poncey prick,’ Aaron thought to himself. Then he silently berated himself; he was supposed to be being a good friend.

“‘S’alright,” Aaron shrugged. “I know you were busy with that bloke.”

Robert didn’t speak: it seemed like he didn’t know what to say. It was like he was considering if there was any way this conversation would end positively and Aaron knew he had to make the effort to let Robert know that he was okay with whatever was going on because that’s what friends do for one another.

Aaron swallowed thickly and forced a little cheeky smile onto his face. “Looked like he was pretty interested in you. Where’d you meet ‘im?”

Robert cleared his throat. “Um, me and Vic went out last week and I met him at a club. I hadn’t seen him since, but we’d swapped numbers. I didn’t know he was gonna come to the pub last night.”

“He must be keen then,” Aaron surmised and he suggestively raised his eyebrows a little at Robert.

Robert actually let out a soft chuckle at his words and Aaron’s face. “Maybe,” he said as he fiddled with his pen, a little smile on his face.

Aaron’s stomach did a funny swoop as he looked at Robert sitting across the office from him, dreamy little smile in place. He was so bloody gorgeous there was no wonder people were interested in him. He was amazed this hadn’t happened sooner, but maybe Robert hadn’t been ‘available’ in his own head until now.

He wanted that smile for himself. But he knew that wasn’t fair.

“What’s his name then?” Aaron asked.

“Ian,” Robert told him simply.

Nodding slightly, Aaron said, “So, are you going to be seeing Ian again?”

A slight pink tinge had appeared high on Robert’s cheeks and Aaron had to hold himself back from diving over his desk and kissing him, pressing him up against the door of the portacabin (because they’d done that before, and he had very pleasant memories of the experience) and having him there and then.

“Probably,” Robert answered. “I suppose so. He seems like a decent bloke.”

Aaron tried not to clench his jaw. “And he’s fit,” he declared, like that was the deciding factor.

Robert laughed again. “He’s definitely fit, he agreed.

They fell into silence for a while and then Robert spoke again. “Thanks. For, you know, being alright about it. I was a complete shit when you first started seeing Alex.”

Aaron forced a smile again. “That’s all in the past now. As long as you’re happy.”

Robert smiled at him again before he turned his attention back to the paperwork in front of him.

***

The repetitive clanging of metal outside told Robert that Aaron was getting stuck into whatever car he’d decided to rip apart that morning. He sipped at his coffee and smiled fondly as he thought about their conversation.

When Aaron had mentioned seeing him in the pub with Ian last night, his heart had started racing. He wasn’t sure what reaction he’d been hoping for. He supposed it could’ve gone one of two ways: Aaron was either going to be supportive and a good friend like they’d vowed to be, or he was going to tell Robert that he shouldn’t be with Ian because he was meant to be with Aaron. Secretly, he supposed, he was hoping for the latter. For just a moment, as they’d been speaking, he’d been sure that Aaron was going to jump up, march over to him and kiss him. Obviously he hadn’t. And that was probably for the best. Robert would always want Aaron, always love Aaron, but they’d moved on. Aaron was happy with Alex. Maybe this was the signal that Robert had been waiting for. Aaron had pretty much encouraged him to see Ian again and maybe he was right. Maybe it was time for him to move on too. Besides, Ian seemed like a really nice bloke and, as Aaron had put it himself, he was fit.

Picking up his phone from the desk, he found Ian’s number and pressed to make the call. It rang three times before Ian’s deep voice greeted him.

“Hi, Ian. It’s Robert.”

He smiled as Ian told him how nice it was to hear from him, that he’d actually just been thinking about him.

“Well, I was just wondering...do you fancy meeting up for dinner this week?”

His smile widened as Ian immediately told him that he’d love to.

Aaron was right when he’d said ‘as long as you’re happy’. This was going to make Robert happy: he could just tell.

Chapter Text

It seemed almost overnight that Ian became a regular visitor to the village and everyone seemed to be impressed with him. Robert looked incredibly happy every time he introduced Ian to someone new, or one of the nosey villagers introduced themselves just to get to find out more about the ‘handsome young man’ that Robert was seeing.

Aaron had watched from afar for a while as every time Ian appeared in the village, he seemed to make his presence known. Or maybe that was just how he felt about the new man in Robert’s life. He seemed like a bit of a smarmy git to Aaron, but he didn’t voice that to anyone else: he knew what they’d say. He knew it would look like he was jealous and it was hard to admit to himself, let alone anyone else, that he was. The only thing that was stopping him from doing something ‘rash’ as his mum would’ve called it, was the fact that Robert looked genuinely happy.

The last year had been hard on Robert and admittedly a lot of it had been of his own making, but he hadn’t deserved the cruelty of finding out that Seb wasn’t even his son after he’d already lost everything else. Aaron had been concerned about him for a while (as a friend, and as his ex-husband, because no-one could deny the love was still there between them) because Robert’s reactions to getting hurt often resulted in something terrible or someone getting hurt in some way, but Robert had just seemed quiet, almost contemplative. He hadn’t sought revenge against Rebecca; he’d merely watched her leave and gone back to his day-to-day life, albeit in a quieter kind of way, like he was just tired of fighting. The arrival of Ian in his life seemed to be the first time that anyone had seen a genuine smile on his face for a long time and Diane, in particular, liked to comment on it regularly. So Aaron couldn’t really begrudge him some happiness and he wouldn’t, because he was being a ‘good friend’.  

He'd even caught his mum chatting away with Ian at the bar one day and when he’d given her a ‘look’ later on, she’d pouted at him and told him what a ‘gentleman’ Ian was before she’d patted him on the arm and asked after Alex.

Aaron had avoided having to be introduced to Ian for as long as possible. He was actually pretty impressed with his ability to make a hasty exit or disappear in the other direction whenever he saw Robert and Ian together, but after nearly a month of that he got complacent and was caught out at the scrapyard of all places.

The crunch of gravel beneath someone’s feet wasn’t unusual, so he didn’t even look up from the engine he was dismantling. It was only when he heard the soft cough behind him that he moved. He looked up to find Robert and Ian standing close by. ‘Shit,’ he thought, ‘and typical he’s in yet another fancy suit while I’m in scruffs and hi-vis.’

Robert was watching him closely, his expression unreadable even to Aaron’s trained eye. He thought it was nervousness displayed on his face, but that wasn’t a look that he was used to seeing on Robert so it was hard to be sure.

“Hi,” Robert said.

“Alright?” Aaron replied. He knew what this was: he knew there was about to be a potentially awkward moment.

“I just came to grab a couple of files. But while I’m here, um, this is Ian,” He trailed off like there was something else he’d meant to say but didn’t know quite how to.

Aaron wanted to hear him say ‘this is my boyfriend’ just to see if the world really would stop turning because Robert had moved on, but he waited patiently for what would come next.

“Ian, this is my...my friend, Aaron.”

There was a tiny moment when Aaron had thought the word husband was going to fall from Robert’s lips and by the look on Robert’s face the same idea had crossed his mind. He recovered quickly, wiping his oily hands on his work trousers (something which Robert used to hate) and extended his hand to the man at Robert’s side.

“Nice to meet you,” he said with what he hoped was a convincing smile as they shook hands briefly. “I’ve seen you around in the village a few times.”

Ian smiled at him and then turned his face towards Robert and the grin widened. “Hard to stay away from this one,” he said brightly.

Aaron wanted to be sick; he knew how it felt to be drawn as if by a magnet to Robert’s side.

“Nice to meet you too. Nice to put a face to the name,” Ian continued, seemingly oblivious to Aaron’s internal struggle.

And Aaron wondered what exactly Ian had heard about him. Had it been something that Robert had said? Had Robert told Ian exactly who Aaron was and the major part he’d played in his life?

Robert actually looked a little uncomfortable, not that there was any obvious tension between the three men. “Anyway, we’ll just pop into the cabin and get what I need and then we’ll get out of your hair.”

“Sure,” Aaron said before turning back to the car, grateful for the fact that he was obviously busy so couldn’t continue any further conversation. And if he started attacking the engine with more fervour than before, there was no-one around to judge him.

***

Robert was glad that that conversation was over. He’d been dreading it, but knew it had to happen eventually. He was actually surprised it hadn’t happened sooner, but it just seemed like Aaron was never around when Ian was with him.

He led Ian up to the portacabin and let him inside, then went straight to his desk to retrieve the files he’d come for.

“I thought that was going to be more awkward,” Ian said as Robert looked through the paperwork on his desk.

“Oh?” he asked, glad that his back was to Ian so he couldn’t see the grimace on his face. He’d decided that for once, he was going to start a relationship by being completely up front so Ian knew exactly who Aaron was. It hadn’t been the easiest of conversations to have, trying to explain what he and Aaron had been to one another would never be simple, and Ian had found it quite surprising that they still worked together at the scrapyard. A frown line had appeared on his forehead as Robert had explained that it was fine because they were mates now, and Robert had been quick to drag him off to bed to reassure him that there was nothing dodgy going on. Ian hadn’t mentioned Aaron again after that, and Robert was hoping that today’s introduction wasn’t going to cause a whole new set of doubts and questions.

“Yeah, I thought it’d be weird but he seems alright,” Ian continued.

Robert glanced at him over his shoulder and smiled slightly. “Yeah, he is. He’s a good mate.” He turned back to his desk.

“I’m surprised you can focus on work when you’ve got such a vibrant office space,” Ian remarked sarcastically from behind him, seemingly happy to change the subject.

A small smile tugged at Robert’s lips at memories of Aaron getting very little work done as he sat at his desk, and then managing to distract Robert in the process. “It’s not so bad,” he said as he finally grabbed the files and turned around to find Ian standing extremely close behind him.

Ian stepped closer still, placing his hands on Robert’s hips and pressing a kiss against his lips. Robert smiled against his lips, expecting him to move away so they could leave, but Ian pressed his body closer, forcing Robert back against the edge of his desk, and deepened the kiss.

A slightly panicked feeling rushed through Robert’s body as he imagined Aaron walking in on them and he pulled away from Ian’s insistent mouth.

“Not here,” he said, trying for a light-hearted tone.

“Oh and here’s me thinking you’d brought me here for some fun,” Ian said with a grin.

“Maybe another time,” Robert replied as he patted him on the arm, “when we’re alone.”

“He’s not going to come in, is he?” Ian said as he tried to lean in for another kiss.

‘God, I hope not,’ Robert felt awful at the thought of it. He managed to dodge out of Ian’s hold and playfully smacked him on the arm with the files in his hand.

“Come on. You’ve got a perfectly good bed at your place for that sort of thing and I promise I’ll make it up to you later.” Robert slipped by him and headed for the door, not noticing the annoyed frown that had appeared on Ian’s face.

***

As the weeks, and then months, went by, Robert and Ian seemed very happy and Ian’s gentlemanly charm certainly seemed to continue to win everyone over. Everyone except Aaron, who had started to feel great resentment towards Ian and who thought he just seemed too good to be true.

It didn’t help that Aaron had decided that no matter how much Alex was a nice guy, and how much his mum wanted him to make a go of things with him, it just wasn’t going to work between them, so he’d ended their relationship. There had been no enormous row or passionate declarations of being unable to live without the other, which was maybe just another reason why Alex wasn’t the man for him; he needed that fire. Just a quiet conversation with Alex accepting that they weren’t right for one another and leaving Aaron’s life quietly. When Aaron had first seen Robert with Ian, he’d wondered whether he was being too hasty in his plan to end things with Alex. He’d wondered if he needed to give them another chance, but after another few weeks of knowing that the spark just wasn’t there, he’d decided enough was enough.   

Robert and Ian had been together for three months, with the time simultaneously flying by and dragging for Aaron. Ian was becoming quite a permanent fixture in all of their lives. It seemed like he had met most of the village, and with the exception of Aaron, everyone appeared to like him. And Aaron just couldn’t seem to escape him because everywhere he went it seemed like Ian was either there or making his presence felt in some other way, calling Robert or sending him messages while he was at work or if they were in the pub having a pint or just walking down the bloody road. It was obviously something to do with the ‘honeymoon’ period of the relationship, but it was privately making Aaron sick and he couldn’t help but wonder why Robert seemed okay with it. It just wasn’t like Robert to be so soppy. Yes, Robert was a romantic and loved making grand gestures, but he wasn’t clingy and Aaron couldn’t imagine him enjoying having Ian constantly contacting him throughout the day. He was half-tempted to say something about it, just to see Robert’s reaction, but he resisted. As for when he actually had to see Ian with Robert, he was never rude to Ian; he always put on a good show of being friendly towards him, but only for Robert’s sake.

***

Aaron’s resolve to not interfere with Robert’s new relationship was being tested. It seemed like every few minutes, Robert’s phone pinged and vibrated across his desk in the portacabin. Both Aaron and Robert had decided that they needed to catch up on paperwork and seeing as it was pouring with rain anyway, it was the perfect chance to do a few hours. The constant distraction of the noise and then Robert picking up his phone to reply to the messages was driving Aaron mad.

As the phone yet again vibrated, Aaron blew out a huff and stared at Robert in annoyance. “Keen, isn’t he?” he ground out.

“Sorry,” Robert said quickly, “I’ll talk to him later. He’s just…he just likes to keep in contact during the day.”

“How does he get any work done? Because he’s stopping us doing any,” Aaron muttered as he shook his head slightly.

“Sorry,” Robert repeated. Regardless of his apology and his reassurances, he still picked up the phone and typed out a quick reply to the message he had received.

Aaron couldn’t believe that Robert, who was so driven and focused usually, was allowing himself to be distracted while they were at work. He was just grateful that the phone stopped pinging, but he wondered whether it was because Robert had asked Ian to stop messaging him or if he’d just put it on silent.

***

That evening, Ian was visiting Robert. They’d decided to stay in seeing as Vic was at work anyway so they could have the house to themselves.

Robert wasn’t sure how to bring up the issue of the constant messages and phone calls without upsetting Ian. He decided to just get it out of the way – deal with it like ripping off a plaster. It was a stupid thing to be worried about, but he got the feeling that Ian wasn’t going to be happy.

“You know when I’m at work?” he started, waiting for Ian to hum in response. “Well I really need to concentrate and I find that quite hard when you’re calling me and sending me messages all the time.” He paused for a moment to try to gauge Ian’s reaction before continuing. “It’s great to hear from you during the day but maybe you could send a few less messages. Just so that I can concentrate, yeah?” he said, in what he hoped was a gentle tone that wouldn’t cause an argument.

Ian was quiet for a moment as he seemed to contemplate what Robert had said, then he spoke sulkily, “Well I’m sorry for showing how much I care. I didn’t realise I was causing you so much trouble.”

Robert rolled his eyes; he was tired and not really in the mood for this. “Don’t get like that about it. I never said you were causing me trouble, but it’s a bit distracting and there’s not just me working in that office, you know.”

Suddenly, Ian pushed himself up from the sofa and glared at Robert with narrowed eyes. “Oh, so it’s actually a message from your workmates that you’re delivering!”

The words hit a little close to home and Robert didn’t want this to become an argument about how he was choosing Aaron’s happiness over anyone else’s. He stood up too; he was getting pissed off. This was something so simple that was suddenly developing into their first real argument as a couple. “I’m not delivering anything from them,” he snapped. “I’m telling you, I need to concentrate and I can’t with you constantly distracting me!”

“Well I won’t fucking bother anymore then!” Ian yelled as he turned and stomped out of the living room towards the front door.

Robert couldn’t quite believe that they were actually having a fight about a few text messages. He didn’t want their relationship to suffer over something so stupid. He was happy with Ian and he really didn’t want to argue with him over something so petty. He rushed after him, finding him in the hallway grabbing his coat from the pegs by the door. “Ian!” he called, “This is ridiculous. Please don’t go. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Ian stopped halfway through pulling his jacket on and turned around to face him. He sighed deeply running his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry. I overreacted,” he said gently as he pulled his jacket off again and hung it back up before walking back towards Robert. “It’s just that I miss spending time with you because you always seem to be working.”

Robert immediately felt bad about the whole situation as he looked at Ian. “It’s alright; I know it’s difficult when we’re having to spend time apart,” he agreed to help soothe Ian further. It was maybe too soon for Ian to be so intent on spending time with him, but he was used to intense relationships. Hadn’t everything with Aaron been a blur of passion and lust before it became more? He’d sort of hoped that things might go at a steadier pace with Ian, but he obviously wasn’t going to get that. And he supposed he should be pleased that Ian was so desperate to see him: it was a massive compliment really.

Suddenly, Ian’s eyes lit up. “I’ve got a great idea! It’ll solve the problem of not seeing so much of each other. Why don’t you move in with me?” he said excitedly.

Robert was completely stunned. That was the last thing he had been expecting to come out of Ian’s mouth. One minute they were arguing and the next talking about taking a massive step in their relationship. He didn’t answer; he just stood staring at Ian in shock.

“It’s perfect,” Ian continued. “Then we can make up for lost time when we’re at home together. And it’s got to be better than you staying in your sister’s spare room: we’d have so much more space and more privacy.”

“We’ve not been together for very long though,” Robert finally managed to say, as his mind raced to try to think of a valid reason that Ian would accept to explain why they shouldn’t live together so soon. He immediately saw Ian’s face drop and his jaw clench. He didn’t want to start arguing again, so he quickly added, “Don’t you think it’s a bit quick?”

“No, I don’t,” Ian replied bluntly. “We’ve been together for nearly four months now. I want to be with you as much as possible. It’d be amazing and we could spend so much more time together than we do now. So what do you think?”

Robert felt trapped. For a split second, he felt the need to run. He wasn’t used to not being in control of the situation, especially when it came to relationships. He wasn’t sure about moving in with Ian but he also didn’t want to risk another argument and risk losing the first person that had wanted to be with him since Aaron. Ian had been so wonderful to him since they’d started seeing each other: he went out of his way to do nice things for him; he wanted to be around Robert; and hadn’t the whole conversation that started all of this off been because Ian wanted to be with him as much as possible? If he refused now, he feared that Ian would give up on him. He’d walk away and leave Robert on his own again. And he didn’t want that. He’d been so lonely, so lost without Aaron, and for the first time in ages he felt like someone wanted him and wanted to be there for him. He couldn’t turn him down.    

“Alright then,” Robert answered weakly but to his own ears it had sounded almost like a question. He still wasn’t one hundred percent sure, but Ian’s eyes staring into his had summoned the words. Ian didn’t seem to notice the less than enthusiastic reply as he kissed Robert happily, took his hand and led him towards the bedroom.

***

Robert had been worrying about telling people, one person in particular, about his plans to move out of the village and into Ian’s house. He’d only be moving to Hotten but it seemed like a long way for some reason.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to take Aaron to one side and tell him privately.

As they sat at the bar chatting with Vic, Ian made a sudden announcement. “Robert’s moving in with me,” he declared loudly.

Robert’s eyes widened in shock; they hadn’t even discussed when they were going to tell people and he felt bad for not speaking to his little sister, who had been so good letting him stay with her, before announcing it for half the pub to hear. The words were so totally out of the blue that Robert felt incredibly awkward suddenly.

Victoria’s face must have been a reflection of his own. Her eyes widened as she stared at him before she blinked rapidly. “That’s great news,” she said brightly, although Robert could practically see the questions racing through her head. “Pretty quick though, isn’t it?” she asked as she stared at her brother.

Ian didn’t allow Robert time to answer as he immediately wrapped his arm across his shoulders and said, “We don’t think so. We want to be able to spend as much time together as possible, and living together is the perfect solution.”

Robert couldn’t quite put his finger on why he felt so strange. Maybe because Ian was taking charge and that was something he was so used to doing. He tried to shake the slight feeling of unease away – it was nice to have someone else making the decisions for a change, wanting to take care of him for a change.

Suddenly, he got the feeling that he was being watched. Turning in his seat, he saw Aaron standing near the entrance to the pub. It looked like he was frozen to the spot and for a moment Robert thought he looked upset. Their eyes met and Robert was about to go to him to ask if he was alright, when Aaron seemed to shake himself and moved towards the bar.

“Congratulations,” he said as he leant against the bar. “I just heard as I walked in. You’re moving in together.”

He looked odd to Robert, like he was forcing himself to speak. He was doing that thing where he chewed on his lower lip and Robert had the urge to run his thumb over it to stop him. Looking away quickly to stop himself doing something stupid, and to remind himself that he was supposed to be happy about moving in with his new boyfriend, not gazing longingly at his ex, he cleared his throat. “Thanks,” he muttered. “It all happened pretty quickly really.”

Aaron nodded once. “So…um, you’ll be driving over to the scrapyard still?”

“It’s hardly like he’s moving to the moon,” Ian said from beside Robert. His arm was still draped across Robert’s shoulders and he seemed to tighten his grip a little as he spoke.

“Yeah, course,” Robert told him with a small smile.

“Right, well…I’ll leave you to celebrate,” Aaron said before he pushed away from the bar and wandered around to the back of the pub.

***

Later that evening, Robert found himself cornered by his little sister who had been waiting for him outside the gents just so she could speak to him on his own. “So is this really what you want?” she asked immediately.

Robert shrugged his shoulders. “I know it’s a bit quick but I want Ian to be happy and he’s such a great bloke, so it’ll be okay. I’m sorry about moving out all of a sudden but I’m sure you and Adam will be glad to have me out of your way again.”

Vic shook her head. “You didn’t have to go because of that, you know. And I will miss you. I’ve enjoyed having you around. You’ll still pop in to see me, won’t ya?” she said as she pulled Robert into a tight hug. “Just make sure you’re doing this for the right reason,” she added as she pulled away.

Robert looked down at her for a long moment, “You don’t need to worry about me, Vic. I know what I’m doing.”

***

Within a week, Robert had moved most of his stuff into Ian’s house. It felt a bit weird. He had been living with Vic and Adam for so long that it almost felt like moving away from home. And moving out of the village brought its own strange emotions with it. It wasn’t as though he was even all that far away, but it seemed far enough to him. He made an effort to seem really content with the situation to keep Ian happy, but there was a small doubt constantly nagging at his brain, telling him that this was a mistake. Every time it popped into his head, he pushed the doubt away; everything would be fine.

The rest of his life continued as normal. He drove to Emmerdale each day for work and was able to focus on what he needed to do because the number of messages he received had reduced slightly. He still popped into the pub or the café or the shop. He still saw all the usual familiar faces around the village.

After a long week at work, Adam and Aaron had convinced him that they all deserved a pint and Robert had agreed to have one before he drove home. As it turned out, Ian joined them at the pub on his way home from a meeting. Aaron couldn’t help but scowl as Ian entered the pub and wrapped his arms around Robert as he stood at the bar ordering the drinks.

Aaron and Adam had actually spent a lot of time talking about Robert’s new relationship, which was weird for Aaron but he needed to speak to someone about the constant niggling feeling he had about Ian. Adam had agreed that Ian was a little overly possessive of Robert, and Aaron was relieved, and also surprised, to have someone viewing Ian in the same way that he was. Maybe it wasn’t just jealousy on his part.

It just seemed that Ian didn’t want to let Robert do anything without him being nearby or having some part of it. They threw a knowing look at each other as they watched the couple talking at the bar.

The four of them enjoyed a few pints in the pub. Aaron and Adam made an effort to be friendly towards Ian, even though it was a bit of a struggle - particularly for Aaron, who really felt like he wanted to scream every time Ian wrapped his arm tightly around Robert’s shoulders. Despite that, Aaron was doing an excellent job of pretending to be alright with the situation because Robert seemed to be completely oblivious to any tension within the little group. He laughed and joked with his friends just like normal and felt really pleased that there was no awkward tension between Ian and Aaron.

As the evening drew to a close, they all said their ‘goodnights’ and went off their separate ways. Robert left his car in the village and Ian drove them both home, promising he’d drop him back off in the morning on his way to work. Ian was quiet on the journey home and stayed that way when they reached the house, and Robert assumed it was because he was tired after a busy week, until Ian abruptly turned to him and said, “I don’t think your friends like me very much.”

Surprised by the comment, Robert was caught completely off-guard. He couldn’t understand why Ian would think that, especially seeing as Aaron and Adam had made the effort to be welcoming to his boyfriend. “That’s not true,” he said. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Because I saw the way that they were looking at me tonight. It’s obvious,” Ian growled angrily.

Robert could tell that Ian was getting mad and he really didn’t feel like having an argument tonight, but he wasn’t happy to just let the comment go either. He knew that it would’ve been easy for Aaron to be an arsehole and refuse to even speak to Ian. His own behaviour towards Alex when Aaron had first started seeing him hadn’t been exactly friendly and Aaron could have turned round and treated Ian in the same way. But he hadn’t. He’d made the effort and Robert didn’t like the idea that that wasn’t being appreciated. 

“You’re being stupid,” he told Ian. “Of course they like you. They’ve never been anything but friendly to you since we started seeing each other… I think that maybe they just think we’ve moved a bit fast, like with the moving in together and everything.” It was the wrong thing to say at that moment, and Robert realised as soon as the words had left his mouth.

Ian’s face took on an angry scowl as he glared at Robert. “Oh well, that’s alright then! They should learn to keep their fucking opinions to themselves. And obviously you haven’t been doing much to convince them that we’re happy living together,” Ian was yelling now. Suddenly, he turned around and stomped towards the kitchen.

Robert followed him, feeling bewildered about how the evening had changed so suddenly, but also slightly annoyed. “Where are you going?” he asked.

“I need a fucking drink!” Ian shouted over his shoulder.

Robert knew that alcohol was not going to help the situation. It was hardly known for its ability to help people solve disputes calmly and rationally: he’d made enough of his own stupid decisions after drinking. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he said as he touched Ian’s arm.

Ian spun around quickly. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do!” he snarled as he shoved Robert in the chest – hard.

Robert was caught completely off-guard and off-balance, so he stumbled backwards. Before he could steady himself, his back slammed into the door frame and he hissed in pain at the sharp sensation. When he managed to regain his balance, he was completely stunned; he stood rubbing his chest where Ian had pushed him, his mind racing.

Ian was immediately in front of him. Suddenly he seemed to be completely different again as the words tumbled out of his mouth. “Oh my God. Robert, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did that. Please… please forgive me. I can’t believe I did that. It’ll never happen again, I promise. I’m so sorry.”

He continued talking as Robert just stared at him in shock. Half of his brain was screaming at him, ‘Leave, right now! Tell him to fuck off and walk out. He’s just hurt you and that’s not right. Leave, now!’ The other half of Robert was actually listening to Ian’s words. He sounded so apologetic and so sincere. Maybe this was just the result of a long week and a bit of tension and things had got out of control. Ian seemed genuinely upset about what he had done. ‘He’s never done anything like this before; it’s just a one off,’ Robert told himself. Ian was still apologising and begging for forgiveness as he rubbed Robert’s arms.

Still feeling slightly dazed, Robert looked at him and quietly said, “It’s alright. I know you didn’t mean to.”      

***

The following morning, Robert woke to find that his back was sore. He wasn’t surprised to find a dark, angry bruise already forming when he turned to look at it over his shoulder in the bathroom mirror.

He noticed that Ian wasn’t around so he hopped straight in the shower. After dressing, he made his way downstairs to find that Ian was busy making breakfast. He looked up as Robert entered the kitchen. “You just have a seat,” he said with a gentle smile as he pointed to a chair at the breakfast bar. “I thought I’d do something nice for you seeing as I was such a dickhead last night.”

Robert was pleasantly surprised. Obviously he had made the right choice to stay last night. Clearly, Ian felt terrible about what had happened and it made Robert confident that nothing like that would ever happen again. 

Chapter Text

Robert had successfully managed to avoid anyone noticing that he was sitting a little awkwardly in his chair, or wincing a little when he stood up. His back had been sore for a few days but he didn’t want to make a fuss about it and he certainly didn’t want anyone to know about what had gone on. He hadn’t mentioned Ian’s angry outburst to anyone because, he decided, there was really no point. It was over and done with; he didn’t want anyone making a big deal over nothing.

Things between him and Ian had gone back to normal and Ian had been back to his gentlemanly ways since what had happened. He’d been so caring and attentive the day after he’d lashed out at Robert, spoiling him and obviously desperately trying to make it up to him. The actual incident hadn’t been mentioned: it seemed that neither of them knew what to say about it, or maybe they just didn’t want to address it. And Robert was quite pleased about that. He didn’t see the point in talking about something that had happened in the heat of the moment and could be forgotten about just as quickly. It didn’t matter: it was fine. He was convinced that Ian would never do anything to hurt him again and he had pushed the incident to the back of his mind.

Robert had driven to Emmerdale the next day for work and ignored the throbbing in his back when he leant back against his seat or twisted too suddenly. He’d gone through his work day as normal and called into the pub for a drink and to see Vic before heading back to Ian’s at the end of the day.

He’d still received text messages and phone calls from Ian throughout the day and he always replied or answered his phone promptly to avoid any petty arguments with his boyfriend. Ian worked in an office so the messages and calls were usually received at certain times during the day when Ian had a break or his lunch hour. If Robert didn’t reply to his messages promptly, Ian would call him to find out what he was doing, so he’d decided that it was much easier to just reply straight away.

Sometimes Robert wondered if it was a bit much that Ian was constantly contacting him, but then he told himself that he shouldn’t be ungrateful. Ian obviously wanted to be in touch with him, so he should just be pleased that his boyfriend was so interested in how he was and what he was doing. He tried to take it as a compliment even when he found it a little frustrating. Maybe it was just because he’d never been in a relationship like that before. His relationship with Aaron had been intense, but Aaron wasn’t particularly clingy – he always stopped himself when his thoughts went in that direction. He knew he shouldn’t compare. This relationship was new and different and if he didn’t want to risk messing things up with someone else, he needed to make the effort and stop thinking about Aaron.

***

There was a lot of noise coming from outside the portacabin, but it didn’t sound like particularly constructive noise. The clanging of metal had ceased some time ago and the shouts between Aaron and Adam as they worked had dissolved into teasing banter and childish giggling. It took Robert back to the day that he and Aaron had been messing about with that fire extinguisher and he couldn’t help but smile to himself as he tried to concentrate on the task in front of him.

A sudden yelp from outside had him standing up from his seat and going to the door to see what they were up to. He was too distracted for work now.

“You absolute git!” Robert heard Adam exclaim with a laugh in his voice as he reached the open doorway. His eyebrow rose as he took in the sight of Adam dripping wet and Aaron doubled over laughing hysterically at his friend. It made Robert smile just to see Aaron looking so genuinely happy.

“You call this work, do you?” he called to the two of them.

They both looked in his direction, Aaron trying to hold back his laughter and Adam looking less than impressed.

“He started it!” Adam declared as he pointed at his best friend.

“And finished it, clearly,” Robert replied with a roll of his eyes.

“Should’ve known you’d be on his side,” Adam grumbled. “Well, thanks to you, you absolute arse, I need to go home and get changed,” he directed at Aaron. “And to make it up to me, you can go and get us some lunch from the café.”

Aaron thumped him on the back as he walked over to him. “Fine, you big baby. It’s time for a break anyway.”

“Because you’ve been so busy,” Robert chipped in sarcastically.

“Whatever,” Aaron waved off the comment. “We might as well all head back to get some lunch. Come on,” he gestured to Robert.

Smiling at the invitation, Robert pulled the door to the portacabin closed, fished his keys out and locked up, before wandering down the steps.

“We’re not going in my car,” he said. “I don’t want Adam ruining the seats.”

“You’re such a pair of dickheads,” Adam chuntered as they all piled into Aaron’s car.  

While they were away from the scrapyard on the sandwich run, Robert’s phone vibrated on his desk. A text message had been received. Five minutes later, the phone vibrated again, and Ian’s name flashed on the screen. The phone vibrated several times, as in total Ian rang six times.

***

It wasn’t until they returned to the scrapyard that Robert even thought to check his phone: he hadn’t even realised he’d left if behind as he’d headed out with Aaron and Adam. It hadn’t even occurred to him. His eyes widened as he noticed the number of missed calls. ‘Shit, no doubt we’ll be having an argument tonight then,’ he thought to himself. There was no point trying to ring Ian now; he’d be busy at work and probably wouldn’t even pick up anyway, just to teach Robert a lesson.

Maybe if he set off early to get home, that would appease Ian somewhat.

Typically, Ian was already home when Robert pulled up. He took a deep breath and entered the house. He went straight to the kitchen and found Ian sitting at the breakfast bar staring at his laptop, looking very calm and not like he was pissed off at all.

“Hi, how’s your day been?” Robert asked as he walked forward and kissed Ian on the cheek.

“Not too bad,” Ian replied. He looked at Robert expectantly as if he was waiting for something. Robert decided that maybe if he got in quick with his apology for not responding to the messages or calls it might just avert a fight.

“I’m sorry about missing your calls earlier; I left my phone in the cabin,” he said.

Ian looked up at him, “Oh right. So, where were you then?” he asked.

“Well, we went for some lunch in the village. I just forgot my phone,” Robert explained.

“You mean you forgot about me,” Ian said coldly. “I always contact you during my lunch hour and you know that. You were obviously having too much fun when you were supposed to be working to think about me.”

“It’s not like that,” Robert tried to reason. “I honestly just forgot my phone.”

“And you couldn’t have checked it when you got back to the yard?” Ian questioned him.

Robert sighed, “I did check it, but I knew you’d be busy so I didn’t want to disturb you. That’s why I left work early. I wasn’t ignoring you on purpose.”

Ian stood up from his seat abruptly, the chair scraping across the tiled floor loudly. He moved so quickly that Robert was completely unprepared. He grabbed hold of Robert’s wrist tightly and squeezed, pulling Robert close to his body as he did so. Robert could feel each one of Ian’s fingers digging into the flesh of his wrist, feel the bones protesting under the pressure of his vice-like grip.

“Good because I don’t like being ignored,” he hissed in Robert’s face. “Don’t forget about me again.”

With that, he let go of Robert’s arm and stormed out of the kitchen. Robert heard a door slam upstairs as he leant back on the kitchen counter. What the hell was that? Again Robert’s thoughts were torn in two; he was stunned, his mind racing, at how pissed off Ian was and how he’d reacted so aggressively again. But ‘I shouldn’t have been so careless as to forget my phone’ he thought to himself, ‘No wonder he’s pissed off with me. I deserve it’.

He would make sure he didn’t forget again and, for now, the finger shaped marks on his wrist would act as a good reminder.     

***

After the incident with the missed calls, Robert felt so confused. He really liked Ian and they usually had such a great time together. Usually Ian treated him really well, but Robert couldn’t understand the change that came over his boyfriend when something pissed him off. It was like a switch flipped inside him and he reacted so angrily about the simplest of things, the simplest of mistakes. It was like he became a different person. But as quickly as the red mist seemed to descend over him, it disappeared again, and Ian would be back to being as loving and sweet as usual, and everything else was forgotten.  

Robert didn’t know what to do and he didn’t feel like he could talk to anyone about his problem either. Who would he talk to anyway? He wouldn’t burden Victoria or Diane with this stupid problem; they’d just fret about it and overreact. And anyway, he was supposed to be the strong one: he was the one who was supposed to be holding them together and supporting them. He couldn’t put his problems on them - that wasn’t how it worked.

It wasn’t like he had an endless list of friends he could talk to. Recently, he’d become sort-of-mates with Adam because of Aaron, but he didn’t know him well enough to share his relationship troubles. He could just imagine what he’d say anyway. He’d probably laugh and think Robert was being a drama queen.  

And there was obviously Aaron, but that would just be too weird. How was he supposed to go to his ex-husband and ask for advice about this? It wouldn’t be fair on Aaron. And despite being ‘friends’, he was pretty sure that Aaron wouldn’t want to be handing out advice about how to deal with problems in his new relationship. And his pride wouldn’t let him anyway. As much as that seemed daft, even in his own head, he couldn’t quite bring himself to admit to Aaron that maybe his relationship with Ian wasn’t as perfect as it seemed on the surface. He couldn’t handle the possibility of yet another failure and the look that Aaron would have on his face as he shook his head as Robert confessed that he’d messed up yet another relationship. Because that was what was going to happen if Robert didn’t sort himself out. 

Besides, he wasn’t the type to start whining because he’d had a fight with his boyfriend. No, he had to deal with this one on his own. He’d always managed to figure things out on his own before: this time would be no different.

Maybe this was just the way that Ian expressed his anger. Nothing else had happened and Ian seemed to have forgotten all about it by the next day. ‘Maybe I am being overly dramatic. Maybe I just need to be a better boyfriend before he leaves me. I always do this: I always seem to find ways to ruin everything. Maybe I need to stop doing things to wind him up.  After all it was my fault that Ian had got so mad in the first place’ he began thinking to himself.

A tiny part of his brain was calling out to him, ‘This is not your fault, don’t take this shit from him’, but Robert ignored it. He forced the voice in his head to be quiet. He decided to forget about it and just make sure he didn’t do anything that would piss Ian off again. He had to be better: he had to be a better boyfriend before yet another relationship was ruined because he was such a disappointment.

***

“So you can definitely make it for Diane’s birthday tea?” Vic asked him over the bar as he pulled his pint.

“I said yes, didn’t I?” Robert replied. His sister had been banging on about the gathering for weeks and as much as he was sure it was a nice idea, he didn’t really think they needed to make such a fuss.

“It’s just been hard to get you to agree to anything recently, that’s all,” she continued. “I’m sure it’s something to do with you and Ian being all cosy in your little love nest,” she said with a cheeky grin.

Robert just hummed as he took a sip from his pint. The thing was, it was hard to commit to too many plans when Ian didn’t want to keep making trips to the village and liked Robert to stay at home with him once they’d both finished work for the day. But Robert had spoken to him about Diane’s birthday celebration last week, saying that Ian was welcome to come along if he wanted to but either way Robert had to attend; it was family after all. He’d been pleasantly surprised when Ian had simply smiled and told him ‘of course it’s alright’, like he was granting Robert permission to go.

“I’ve got a shift that night, but Marlon said I can finish at seven so we can meet at eight, alright?” Vic asked him.

“Yeah, eight o’clock sharp. Got it,” Robert replied as he mock saluted his sister.

***

The week seemed to fly by and Diane’s birthday arrived quickly. Robert had promised Vic that he’d be on time so he left work a little earlier than usual and headed back to Hotten to get showered and changed so he could drive back to the village. It was a bit of a pain really, but he needed to collect Ian, who had decided he’d join Robert, so he had to go backwards and forwards anyway.

When Robert arrived home, he was pleased to see Ian’s car in the driveway so hoped that meant his boyfriend was all ready to go as soon as he’d had a quick shower and got changed. He entered the house to find it very quiet, so he called out to Ian. Hearing him call back that he was in the dining room, Robert made his way through the house and stopped dead in the doorway. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Ian had laid the table out with candles and flowers, as well as glasses, a bottle of wine and two place settings.

Robert’s eyes widened as he looked at Ian. “What’s going on?” he managed to say.

“You’re so forgetful,” Ian said sweetly as he walked over to Robert and kissed him on the cheek. “It’s our five month anniversary today, so I thought we could have a romantic night in, just the two of us.”

Robert didn’t say anything as Ian walked past him and disappeared into the kitchen. He didn’t know what to say. This was all very nice but Ian knew about Diane’s birthday party. And five months wasn’t exactly the sort of milestone that people normally celebrated. While Robert was trying to get his head around what was going on, Ian reappeared with two steaming plates of food and set them on the table.

“Sit down then, Robert,” he said and pointed to the seat opposite his own.

Robert stepped further into the room but didn’t sit down. “Ian, have you forgotten that it’s Diane’s birthday meal tonight? We’re supposed to be at Vic’s for dinner tonight.”

Ian forced a tight smile at him. “I thought it would be nice for the two of us to do something together. You spend more time in that village than you do with me.”

“That’s not true,” Robert argued. This was absolutely ridiculous: he couldn’t believe this was even happening. It was like Ian was completely disregarding the fact they’d already made plans with Robert’s family. “And anyway, that’s not the point. It’s Diane’s birthday and I said we’d be there.”

“Oh come on, Robert,” Ian scoffed. “You’re always moaning about her and it’s not like she’s your mum.”

Robert drew in a sharp breath at the words. He clenched his jaw as he felt annoyance pulse through him. Whether or not Diane was his mum, she was still family and he had so little of that left. Surely Ian could respect that. “She’s family,” he forced out. “I said we’d be going, so even if I have to go on my own, I will do.”

“No,” Ian said bluntly. “I’ve gone to all this effort so you’ll have to cancel.”

Robert couldn’t believe his ears. Ian had known about the plans and even if he’d forgotten he couldn’t believe he was being so unreasonable. “I can’t cancel; I promised them that I’d be there.”

Suddenly, Ian’s eyes seemed to flash as he stood up from his seat quickly. He grabbed the plate of food in front of him and hurled it across the room at Robert. Only just managing to step out of the way in time as the plate smashed on the wall behind him, Robert flinched and then stared at Ian in utter shock.

“You ungrateful bastard!” Ian screamed at him. “You’d rather spend time with them than me!  I don’t know why I fucking bother trying to do anything nice for you.” He crossed the room in a few determined strides and slammed Robert back against the wall. “You’d better ring your family and tell them you can’t make it, because you aren’t leaving this house tonight!” he spat. He stormed out of the room as Robert’s shaking legs gave out beneath him and he sank down the wall to the floor.

Robert was shaking as he sat staring at the opposite wall in a state of shock. The smashed plate and the food littered the floor near where he was sitting. As he gradually managed to calm his breathing, he thought about what he was going to do. Strangely, his initial thought was to call Aaron, but he quickly pushed that idea away. He couldn’t get Aaron involved; it was nothing to do with him.

He got his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his recent numbers with a shaking hand. He paused on ‘Aaron’ for a few seconds but then continued to move through the list until he reached Victoria’s number. As he waited for her to answer, he thought about what he should say. He knew what he should tell her – the truth. But when he heard her voice at the other end, he just couldn’t do it. He felt so embarrassed and so ashamed about what was happening.

“Rob? Are you there? Robert?” he could hear Vic asking down the phone.

Robert took a deep breath to try to steady his shuddery breathing. “Vic, I’m here,” he said. He tried his best to make his voice sound as normal as he could, “Listen, I’m not going to be able to make it tonight.”

“What? Why not? Is something wrong?” Victoria asked him quickly.

Robert wanted to scream, ‘Yes! There’s something very wrong,’ but he couldn’t do it. “No, no, nothing’s wrong, don’t worry. It’s just that Ian’s made a surprise meal for me to celebrate our anniversary and I can’t just leave him,” he lied.

“Oh,” Vic replied, sounding confused and disappointed, “Well, didn’t you tell him that we had plans for Diane?”

“I must have forgotten to tell him,” Robert lied again, squeezing his eyes closed as the lies came so easily to him. “I’m sorry. Please explain to everyone for me. And tell Diane I’m sorry. Have a great evening,” he finished quietly, and he ended the call before Victoria had a chance to even say anything else. It was better to let Victoria and Diane and everyone be disappointed in him than face telling them the pathetic truth. After all, they were used to him letting them down: they wouldn’t be surprised.

He leant his head back against the wall and sighed deeply. He didn’t understand why this was happening. Maybe Ian needed to get some help, but he didn’t exactly want to raise the issue with him. ‘Or maybe I should be a better boyfriend,’ he thought to himself. He quietly lifted himself from the floor and went to the kitchen. He found the dustpan and brush and a variety of cleaning products under the sink and started cleaning up the mess in the dining room. He froze when he heard footsteps approaching the room. Looking up nervously, he saw Ian standing in the doorway staring at him coldly.

“Did you call them?” Ian asked bluntly.

“Yes,” Robert replied quietly. He’d never felt so vulnerable as he did in that moment, kneeling on the floor with Ian towering over him. He feared that the slightest thing might upset Ian and send him into another rage.

“Good,” Ian said and his face softened immediately like a switch had been flicked in his brain. “I just wanted us to have a special evening together. I only get this way because I love you so much.”

Robert’s eyes widened. The ‘love’ word had not been used in their relationship before and he found it an odd time for it to suddenly be mentioned. He didn’t love Ian – or at least he didn’t think he did. He enjoyed being around him, when he wasn’t angry at least, but it wasn’t love.

Suddenly, Robert felt incredibly anxious. This man was telling him he loved him: this man who was sweet and funny and absolutely gorgeous was saying he loved Robert. And if Robert didn’t sort himself out, he was going to lose Ian, just like he lost Aaron. And he’d be all alone again.

Ian held out his hand. For a second, Robert hesitated, before he took it and was gently pulled to his feet. Ian wrapped his arms around him in such a gentle embrace that it was hard to believe that he was even the same person who had been so angry not long ago. As Ian held him closely, Robert thought about how much he enjoyed being with this man; the one who cared for him and was so kind to him. The other side of Ian seemed so far away in that moment that Robert decided to forgive him – again. 

***

“Oh, you’ve finally decided to show your face, have you?” Vic snapped as Robert stepped up to the bar.

He hadn’t been in touch with anyone all weekend, not since cancelling on his family and pulling out of Diane’s birthday meal. A feeling of shame washed through him and he silently berated himself again for always letting everyone down. There was no wonder everyone was so angry with him all the time: all he ever seemed to do was disappoint the people he was supposed to care about.

“I’m sorry about the other night,” he said.

“It’s not me that you really need to apologise to,” Vic said bluntly. “Diane was really disappointed that you didn’t come. It’s not like Andy’s around so I was counting on you. I can’t believe you ditched us.”

Robert almost winced at the words. He’d never be good enough to make people happy. He always seemed to be letting someone down.

“It was a misunderstanding,” he tried to explain. “And I couldn’t…” he swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. “I’ll make it up to Diane somehow.”

“Make sure you do. We went to all that effort,” Victoria told him sternly.

The words were so close to Ian’s from the night of their ‘anniversary meal’ that Robert felt his heart rate pick up a little, a wave of panic fluttering inside him. “I’d better go,” Robert said as he backed away from the bar.

Victoria frowned at him. “Don’t you want a drink?” she asked, watching him in confusion.

“No…I need to go,” Robert replied simply. He could hear his sister calling after him as he made his way through the doors and out of the pub, breathing deeply when he finally made it outside. He needed to sort himself out: he needed to stop being so weak and pathetic.

Inside the pub, Chas had just come through from the back to see Robert practically falling over himself to get away and Vic shouting after him, looking concerned.

“What’s up with him?” she asked as she grabbed a glass and poured herself a lemonade.

Victoria looked agitated as she frowned at her. “I don’t know. Robert just doesn’t seem himself at the minute.”

“Diane told me he cancelled at the last minute on her birthday. Sounds like you were pretty pissed off at him.”

Victoria hummed and chewed on her lower lip. “It’s probably nothing to worry about. He obviously got a better offer and now he’s feeling guilty about it.”

“Ah, well, I know he’s your brother and all, but he’s not exactly known for putting other people first, is he?” Chas said with a knowing look on her face.

Vic nodded slightly, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something that she was missing.

Chapter Text

“What’s that?” Liv asked as she pointed at Robert’s side.

“What’s what?” Robert replied as he finally managed to reach the box of cereal she’d asked him to retrieve for her from the top shelf in David’s.

“That massive bruise,” she said simply.

Robert’s heart jumped in his chest and he quickly lowered his arms, cereal in hand, and awkwardly pulled his shirt down to cover his exposed skin.

“It’s nothing,” he told her as he handed her the box.

“Looks like you’ve been in a fight or something,” she continued: that unimpressed look that she pulled off so well present on her face.

As much as Robert was grateful for the fact that Aaron’s little sister wasn’t spitting furious words at him in the street anymore, and that they had actually started to repair their damaged relationship (tiny step by tiny step), he wasn’t keen on her questioning him about personal things, especially seeing as he never planned on revealing to anyone how he’d ended up with the painful bruising on his stomach and side, let alone to Aaron’s sister.

“I had an accident,” he told her before turning away to continue with his own shopping. He silently cursed himself for being so careless: how could he have been so stupid as to let his shirt ride up like that?

He rolled his eyes as he felt Liv’s presence behind him again. Persistent as ever, she’d be hard to shake off now.

“What kind of accident?” Liv asked as she watched him closely. “Looks pretty nasty.”

“I…had too much to drink the other night. I fell down the stairs,” Robert said. He turned to face her as he spoke, holding eye contact with her as the lie rolled off his tongue. “Not my finest moment, but I lived to tell the tale.”

“Did you go to hospital?” Liv persisted.

She was like a dog with a bone and Robert could feel his patience running out. He didn’t want to snap at her and tell her to back off. It was nice that she was concerned, after all, but he didn’t want to continue with this conversation any more. He could feel sweat prickling at the back of his neck as Liv’s constant questions probed at something he didn’t want to dwell on.

“No, it’s nothing - I’m fine,” he told her firmly. “Look I’ve got to get going,” he said as he plonked the milk he’d been holding back in the fridge. “See you around.”

Liv looked like she was about to say something else, but Robert stepped around her and rushed out of the shop before she could speak again. The air outside the shop didn’t feel much fresher than inside: he almost felt like he was suffocating with the closeness of the warmth in the air and he quickly made his way towards his car, hoping to escape the feeling of everything closing in around him.

***

Aaron couldn’t stop staring at Robert across the office. He felt so frustrated. He wondered if he stared at Robert for long enough, he’d be able to figure out what was going on with him. Maybe there was something obvious he was missing, but there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary. Sure, Robert had been quieter, maybe more withdrawn, recently, but there was no sign of why.

The biggest mystery was why Robert had been absent from the scrapyard for a whole week with no explanation. The first day he’d not turned up hadn’t been all that strange; Robert often had meetings or other business away from the yard. By the third day, Aaron had started to wonder what was going on. He didn’t want to admit that he was worried, but he had been. He’d mentioned it to Vic in the pub that night and she’d shrugged and told him that Robert had text her saying he was feeling under the weather but that was all she knew.  

Feeling slightly put out that Robert hadn’t even thought to let him know, Aaron had accepted her explanation and tried not to think about it anymore. By the end of the week, Robert still hadn’t turned up, the phone on his desk was ringing constantly and the answer machine messages were piling up. And he still hadn’t made any attempt to contact Aaron to let him know where he was or when he might be coming back.

Aaron was beginning to think that Robert had sloped off on holiday with Ian without telling anybody. It was just the sort of thing that he’d do, he thought slightly bitterly. As he stared at the top of Robert’s head bowed over the paperwork on his desk, he felt himself getting more and more irritated. Robert had sauntered into the office that morning, after over a week of being AWOL, and hadn’t even offered an apology. In fact, he’d hardly even been able to look Aaron in the eye when he’d walked through the door and Aaron could feel himself getting pissed off.

If Robert had offered him some sort of explanation, he wouldn’t even mind that much. But he didn’t like the way that Robert seemed to be completely oblivious to any problems he might have caused and completely blind to how Aaron felt about the situation.

“You’re feeling better then?” he eventually asked.

His question seemed to startle Robert for some reason and he flinched as he looked up sharply, his eyes a little wider than normal.

“What?” Robert asked, and he looked genuinely confused.

It was the first time he’d actually looked Aaron in the eye in weeks and Aaron couldn’t help but think that he looked different. Maybe he really had been ill - that would explain the dark circles beneath his eyes.

“I asked if you were feeling better,” Aaron repeated.

Robert’s hand went to the back of his neck and he rubbed at the skin beneath his collar absently as his eyes moved around the office, sometimes drifting back to Aaron before he looked away again quickly. “Um…yeah, I’m much better…thanks.”

“You could’ve let me know that you weren’t going to be around, you know,” Aaron told him gruffly. “You had clients ringing all the time and I’m not your secretary.”

Robert shook his head slightly. “I know…sorry,” he said quietly.

Aaron blew out a frustrated breath as he watched Robert fiddling, almost like he was nervous, with his pen. He decided to just be blunt and ask the question that had been plaguing him. “What’s going on, Robert?”

“What do you mean?” Robert asked as he looked down at his desk.

“I mean, what’s going on?” Aaron repeated. “You seem…well, not yourself recently.”

“I’m fine. Just been a bit under the weather,” Robert replied.

But Aaron knew him too well. He knew when Robert was lying or at least bending the truth. And he was tired of it. He really thought that they had moved beyond that now. But here was Robert, still lying to him even though they weren’t together anymore.

“Whatever, Robert,” he said as he stood up abruptly. His sudden movement seemed to startle Robert again and he all but jumped out of his chair, his eyes wide again, his whole body tense. Aaron stared at him in surprise; he hadn’t been expecting that reaction. “Are you on something?” he asked bluntly.

Robert shook his head immediately. “Of course not,” he replied.

“So you just disappear for days with no word about where you are, you come back without any explanation, you’re all over the place and jumping at the slightest thing - are you in some sort of trouble?” Aaron cursed himself for even caring but he couldn’t turn off the part of him that would always love Robert, would always want to take care of him and make sure he was alright.

Robert’s mouth opened and closed a few times like he was searching for words. Again something that was so incredibly un-Robert. He was never stuck for what to say; he was the master of using his words in every situation.

Aaron waited patiently. Maybe Robert was about to share whatever was going on with him.

Eventually, Robert shook his head slightly. “No,” he said quietly. “I told you - I’m fine.”

Aaron huffed out an angry breath as he shook his own head in annoyance. “Sometimes I don’t know why I bother trying to talk to you. I thought we were mates, but you can’t even tell me the truth - even now.” He made his way to the door and pulled it open. “Next time you decide to skive off for a week, make sure you let your clients know you’ll be out of the office.” With that, he stomped through the door and down the steps angrily. He went straight to his car and climbed in, leaving in a cloud of dust as he tore out of the yard.

“Aaron!” Robert had called after him as he’d walked out of the door. He’d taken a few steps to go after him, realising that he didn’t want Aaron to be angry with him and wondering if maybe he should tell him the truth: tell him that the reason he hadn’t been at work was because he’d stayed in the house for a week to allow the angry bruises around his neck to fade. But then Aaron’s words had sunk in: ‘I don’t know why I bother’.    

That was exactly what Ian kept saying to him. He was constantly reminding Robert what a waste of space he was and how, if he carried on the way he was, he’d be alone because no-one would want anything to do with him. No-one would care. Robert kept trying to tell himself that it wasn’t true, but all he seemed to do lately was make people angry and let them down and maybe Ian was right. Even Aaron was giving up on him.

‘I don’t know why I bother.’ The words kept repeating in Robert’s head, in Ian’s voice and then in Aaron’s, as he stood uselessly in the portacabin, all alone and suddenly Robert couldn’t breathe. He tried to drag in air but it wasn’t working. He gripped at his chest while he leant forward against his desk, desperately trying to pull air into his lungs, but he couldn’t. He staggered around his desk and felt his legs wobble as he sunk down onto the floor. Pulling his knees up to his chest as he leant against the wall, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm himself down. He wasn’t dying: he just needed to breathe. He had to be stronger than this.

It seemed to take forever but eventually the roaring in his ears faded and he felt like he could breathe normally, but he didn’t think he had the strength to get up off the floor. ‘I’m so pathetic,’ he thought as he sat there, staring blankly at the opposite wall.

When Aaron had stormed out of the office, Robert had wanted him to come back so desperately, but sitting there on the floor, he was glad that he’d left. He didn’t want Aaron to see him in such a state: he didn’t want to admit what a mess he was. He didn’t want Aaron to look at him with pity in his always caring eyes and say that Robert deserved what he got because he was always ruining everything, always letting everyone down, always such a disappointment. Hadn’t he claimed to love Aaron? Hadn’t he said that Aaron was the most important thing in his life? And hadn’t he still gone and destroyed them? Robert deserved this suffering because he needed to be punished for being such a terrible person: this was his comeuppance.

Ian was right. Aaron was right. Robert didn’t know why anyone would bother with him.

He didn’t allow himself to cry, but he could feel the tears welling in his eyes, feel himself still shaking from the aftermath of his meltdown.

Heavy footsteps clomping up the steps to the portacabin shook Robert from his painful thoughts. For a moment, he panicked, fearing that Aaron had returned and would find him slumped on the floor in a pathetic heap, or maybe he’d come back to finish having a go at him, but it wasn’t Aaron.

“Robert?” Liv asked softly, almost like she couldn’t believe her own eyes. “What are you doing? Are you alright?”

Robert cleared his throat and pushed himself up from the floor, blinking rapidly to clear any unshed tears from his eyes. He still felt unsteady but he forced himself to be as ‘normal’ as possible. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said as he brushed his jeans down, his mind racing as he thought of what explanation he was going to give for being sprawled on the floor.

Liv looked at him doubtfully. “Why were you on the floor?”

“Um, I think I stood up too quickly and I felt weird and the next thing I knew I was down there,” Robert said as he started fussing about with papers on his desk.

“You looked really out of it when I came in. And you look really pale. Are you alright?” Liv asked.

Looking up at her, Robert could see genuine concern on her face as she watched him carefully. He felt something warm spread through him that she seemed to care and he gave her a weak smile, hoping it would reassure her. “Think maybe I need to get some fresh air and a drink,” he told her. “I’m not sure when Aaron will be back if you were looking for him.”

Liv was still watching him closely as he moved around the desk and headed for the door. He needed to convince her that he was fine but he also couldn’t stand around with her asking questions that might hit too close to home. “If you want to wait here for him that’s fine, but I’m going to head out for a bit, so make sure you lock up if you leave.” He made his way down the steps and started walking towards his car.

“Robert?” he heard called from behind him. He turned around and looked back at Liv who was standing at the top of the steps watching him again.

“Yeah?” he asked as casually as he could.

“I hope you’re feeling better soon,” she said simply.

“Thanks,” he replied, smiling slightly at her again before he turned back to his car and slid in.

As he drove out of the scrapyard, he glanced up and saw Liv still standing in the doorway. It was nice that she was worried about him, but no doubt she’d soon get fed up of him again too, especially when Aaron inevitably shared his frustrations with her about what had happened at the scrapyard.

***

Aaron was in a foul mood. He had been pretty much all day, well ever since he’d tried to talk to Robert at the scrapyard that morning.

He was more than a little pissed off that he was allowing himself to care so much about what was going on with Robert and that he was allowing it to affect him quite so much. Yes, Robert was supposedly his friend now, but that didn’t mean he should be quite so wrapped up in his business and it certainly didn’t mean that he should be worrying quite so much about him.

He was angry at himself and angry at Robert for just generally causing him concern. It was stupid. But that didn’t stop him slamming the cupboards in the kitchen closed with more force than was necessary and cursing Robert for insisting on ‘soft-close’ drawers so he couldn’t slam those shut too.

“Woah, what did that cupboard do to annoy you?” Liv asked from behind him as she wandered into the kitchen.

Aaron merely scowled and went to the fridge to get a beer.

“Your cupboard rage wouldn’t be anything to do with Robert being back at work today, would it?” she asked as she sat down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

Rolling his eyes slightly, Aaron wondered when he’d become so transparent. “We had words this morning.” There was no point trying to lie to Liv: she wouldn’t let it go until she knew what was going on.

“Oh,” Liv replied. “About what?”

Aaron sighed heavily and shrugged. “Just…Robert being Robert, I suppose. He’s not seemed himself recently and then he’s been off work for a week without any real explanation. And when he came back today, he just…well, he just seemed weird and I feel like there’s something he’s not telling me.  I ended up having a bit of a go at him and walking out.”

“That’s why you didn’t come back to the scrapyard then,” Liv said. “I was waiting for you earlier.”

“Sorry,” Aaron said. “I just needed to get out of there for a bit. I didn’t know you were coming over.”

Liv chewed on her lower lip and she looked serious.

“What’s up?” Aaron asked.

“I don’t know. It might be nothing. It’s just…with you saying about Robert being weird and…I dunno…I think you’re right. I think there’s something going on with him.”

“Why? What d’you mean?” Aaron asked. A wave of something almost like fear washed over him: he knew something was wrong with Robert. He sat down at the breakfast bar with her as he waited for Liv to speak.

“When I got to the scrapyard, I went into the office and I didn’t think anyone was there at first, but then I saw Robert was on the floor behind his desk. He was just sitting there like he’d collapsed against the wall and he looked really upset…really out of it.”

“What did he say? Why was he on the floor?” Aaron asked in confusion.

“He said he was fine, but that he must’ve stood up too quickly and fallen or something, but it seemed really weird. I don’t know how long he’d been down there.”

A feeling of guilt rushed through Aaron. What if Robert really had been ill and Aaron having a go at him had been what caused him to collapse? What if there was something seriously wrong with Robert? There was obviously something that Robert wasn’t telling him.

“He said he’d been ill last week so maybe he isn’t fully recovered. Maybe he’s still weak or something,” Aaron was almost thinking out loud as he tried to understand what was going on.

Liv frowned. “I don’t know. He didn’t seem particularly ill to me. He looked…upset,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders. “As soon as he realised I was there, he was in a rush to get away. He’s definitely not acting like himself.” 

Aaron hummed in response, turning it all over in his mind. There were a lot of things recently that didn’t make sense. Robert had seemed quiet, he hadn’t been in the village as much as usual and he’d been jumpy. The week away from work was unusual and Aaron knew that Robert had cancelled plans with his family because Adam had told him how upset Victoria had been about it.

He was starting to come to the conclusion that Robert was in some sort of trouble. And as much as it wasn’t any of his business really, and Robert certainly wasn’t his ‘problem’ anymore, he was determined to find out what was going on and help him if he could because no matter what else went on between them, he’d always care for Robert. He wouldn’t stand by and watch him suffer if he could do something to help.

He rolled his eyes at himself: he’d never be able to truly walk away from Robert. 

Chapter Text

Patience was not one of Aaron’s strengths, he was well aware of that, but he was doing his best to take his time with Robert. Whatever it was that was going on with Robert was obviously not something that he felt like he could share, at least not yet, so Aaron was biding his time and doing his best to be a ‘good friend’.

His concern about Robert remained, but he hadn’t seen any further evidence of anything like a serious illness that Robert was keeping secret, so at least that was a relief. Robert was still unusually quiet and was still absent from work without much, if any, explanation, and he was still a less frequent visitor to the village, but there hadn’t been any major red flags in weeks.

Robert was acting out of character, Aaron knew that, but he also knew that pushing too hard might well and truly blow up in his face and send Robert retreating to guard his secrets. Robert was a proud man and he’d always been the strong one, often suffering silently and putting on a good show of being fine. He rarely asked for help and Aaron knew that forcing him to admit that he was struggling with something might do more harm than good.

Aaron desperately wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to help Robert, but he had to be patient. He offered his friendship and presence whenever he could, hoping that eventually Robert would come to him and share whatever it was that was troubling him.

***

It seemed like Christmas arrived without much warning and before Aaron knew what had happened, it was Christmas Eve and the pub was full of villagers enjoying a night of festivities.

Even Robert had turned up at the pub, smiling a genuine smile at his sister as she pulled him into a hug. Seeing the happiness on Robert’s face brought a smile onto Aaron’s own face until he realised that Ian had walked through the door shortly after Robert. The taller man draped an arm across Robert’s shoulders when he disentangled himself from Vic and Robert looked up at him with a small smile tugging at his mouth. It was the strangest thing, but Aaron couldn’t help but think that Robert just didn’t look like Robert in that moment. If anyone had asked him to explain what he meant, he knew he wouldn’t be able to find the right words, but something about the scene before him just looked wrong. He knew that he’d sound like a jealous arsehole if he even tried to tell anyone what he meant, but deep down he knew something wasn’t right with Robert.

He’d been patient: he’d tried waiting for Robert to open up to him. Maybe it was time for him to take the first step. Surely that was what good friends did.

As the night went on, Aaron couldn’t help but constantly glance over at where Robert and Ian were seated. Beside him, Adam kept up a steady conversation despite Aaron only contributing occasionally or grunting in response. Eventually, Robert stood up and made his way through to the toilets as Ian went up to the bar and Aaron took his chance. He slipped through the door but waited outside the toilets to grab Robert when he reappeared.

Robert staggered to a halt when he nearly collided with Aaron as he exited the loos.

“You’ll get yourself a reputation, hanging around outside toilets like this, you know,” Robert said with a smirk and, for just a moment, Aaron saw the real Robert standing before him, not the shadow of the man he’d seen develop over the last year.

He smiled in response and shrugged one shoulder. “Can I have a word?” he asked.

Robert raised an eyebrow but nodded and Aaron gestured that they should go outside away from the noise from inside the pub. He knew that Ian would be a while at the bar seeing as the pub was packed but he wanted them to have chance to talk properly.

“What’s up?” Robert asked when they stood outside in the cold night air.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Aaron replied. He wasn’t entirely sure how to go about having this conversation and didn’t know where to start.

“That much is obvious,” Robert said with a slightly confused smile.

‘I’ve not seen you smile in ages,’ Aaron thought to himself. “Are you alright, Rob?” he finally asked. He couldn’t keep tip-toeing around whatever was going on and he knew something was.

The smile on Robert’s face faltered a little. It was the tiniest movement, but Aaron noticed it. He knew Robert far too well.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why d’you ask?” Robert said, but he suddenly seemed to find the tarmac in the pub car park extremely interesting as he looked down.

“It’s just…well, you’ve not really been yourself recently. You’ve been really quiet and I know you well enough to know that something’s going on. You can talk to me, you know. If you need help with something, you can tell me.”

Robert didn’t reply but he did look up at Aaron. The smile was gone now, but Aaron couldn’t name the emotion that was displayed on Robert’s face.

“Look, maybe now’s not the time to discuss it,” Aaron said. “But how about you come over to mine after we get all the Christmas stuff out of the way; we’ll hang out and we can talk then? What about the day after Boxing Day?”

Robert actually looked relieved at the suggestion. He nodded quickly. “I’d like that,” he said quietly.

Neither of them spoke for a moment as they looked at each other, both already wondering what was going to happen when they met up. A cough from the doorway interrupted the moment.

“What are you two gossiping about?” Ian asked from where he was standing on the steps into the pub. He took a step down onto the car park.

“Just catching up on things, getting a bit of peace and quiet from inside,” Aaron replied easily. He looked at Robert and smiled slightly, noticing the smile had slipped off Robert’s face and wondering about it, before Ian stepped closer and pulled Robert into a hug. He made his excuses and headed back into the pub.

***

Robert had felt his mood dip as soon as Ian had suggested it was time to head home for the evening. Reluctant to say goodbye, he’d hugged Vic and Diane, wishing them a merry Christmas seeing as he wouldn’t be seeing them the next day, and followed Ian out of the pub.

Ian drove them back to Hotten seeing as Robert had been drinking and he’d surprised Robert by saying what a pleasant evening he’d had. Ian had become less and less interested in spending time in Emmerdale over the last few months and, as a result, Robert had been spending less time there too. He’d felt like he was becoming more and more isolated from his family and found himself savouring every possible moment he got to spend in the village. So to hear Ian saying he’d enjoyed his time at the pub was great news for Robert as he hoped it meant they’d be heading back soon.

They let themselves into the house and before Robert had even taken his coat off, Ian had pulled him in for a kiss. He gently stroked the side of Robert’s face before he stepped back and slipped his own jacket off, hanging it up on the hooks near the door. Robert took his own coat off and was hanging it up when he heard Ian speak from behind him.

“What were you and Aaron talking about outside the pub earlier?”

“Nothing much,” Robert replied with what he hoped was a casual shrug. “I needed some air and we were just catching up.”

Ian looked at him closely. “I think he still has feelings for you,” he suddenly commented, completely out of the blue.

Robert’s heart jumped at Ian’s words; how he wished that Ian was right. Trying to keep his face neutral, knowing that this was dangerous territory, he replied, “Don’t be daft: we’re just mates.”

“I saw the way he looked at you when you were outside tonight. I think you should keep your distance from him,” Ian told him.

Robert didn’t think that was a good idea at all. “Well, that’ll be difficult seeing as we work together. I really don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about,” Robert said. He knew it’d be for the best to tell Ian about his plans to see Aaron after Christmas: Ian wouldn’t like it, but he’d have to accept it, especially if Robert told him it was about work stuff. “Besides, I’ve already told him I’ll go round to see him after Christmas so we can look at some contracts.”

Ian shook his head. “Well, I don’t want you to go.”

‘Not this again,’ Robert thought to himself. He really wanted to talk to Aaron, he felt like he needed to and he decided to stand his ground for once. “It’s been arranged now. I can’t let him down. I promise, you’ve got nothing to worry about,” he said as calmly as possible, even though he was dreading Ian’s reaction.

“I’ve told you I don’t want you to go, so you’ll just have to call him and tell him you can’t make it,” Ian replied sounding equally as calm as Robert.

“I can’t do that,” Robert said as he shook his head. The confident part of him, the part that had started to become buried recently, was doing the talking tonight, probably encouraged by the alcohol he had consumed during the evening. “I’m going around to Aaron’s to see him,” he said firmly.

Ian didn’t say anything. He just looked at Robert steadily.

Robert thought that maybe this time he had actually won. Maybe he just needed to stand his ground with Ian and remember that he was Robert Sugden and no-one told him what to do.

He never saw it coming.

Ian brought his clenched fist up quickly and punched Robert in the face, forcing his head to snap to the side. Robert’s eyes watered as he immediately lifted his hand up to his throbbing cheekbone. Before he even had time to think, Ian had his hands twisted in Robert’s hair pulling his head awkwardly to the side.

“You are not going round there. I don’t want you seeing him without me there again. Do you understand me?” he yelled at Robert. There was such an awful pain running through Robert’s head and face that he could hardly think let alone respond to Ian’s angry words.

“I said, do you understand?” Ian shouted again, as he twisted his hands even more tightly in Robert’s hair.

Robert managed to cry out “Yes!” and suddenly he was on the floor in a heap. He lifted his hands to massage his aching scalp and felt hot tears sliding down his face. He heard something drop to the floor near him making him flinch. It was his phone. “Call him, now,” Ian commanded.

Robert managed to sit up with a soft whimper. His head was throbbing mercilessly. He fumbled with the phone and found Aaron’s number. He couldn’t decide whether he was relieved or not when the call went through to Aaron’s voicemail. 

“Aaron, it’s me. Listen, I can’t make it over to yours after Christmas, after all.” He struggled to keep his voice steady as he spoke. “I hadn’t…I hadn’t realised how much we’d got on. I’m sorry. Have a good Christmas, Aaron.”

He disconnected the call and hung his head in shame. He didn’t even resist when Ian snatched the phone from his hand and stormed away from him, leaving him slumped on the floor rubbing his aching head gently.

***

Robert had no idea if Aaron had tried to return his call, or rang to check up on him or try to get some further explanation for why Robert had cancelled on him. He hadn’t seen his phone again for the rest of the night on Christmas Eve, and when he found it upstairs on Christmas morning, there was no sign of any contact from Aaron. Robert had no idea whether that was because Aaron had tried to call him back and Ian had erased the call log, or whether Aaron simply hadn’t bothered. Maybe he’d had enough of Robert’s pathetic behaviour, of him being a constant let down. And of course, Robert hadn’t dared ask Ian if there’d been any calls: he could just imagine the reaction he’d receive.

Christmas had gone by in a bit of a blur. They’d already arranged to spend the day at home, just the two of them, which Vic and Diane had protested about, and, at first, Robert had been sad not be seeing them. But when he’d looked in the mirror on Christmas morning, he’d known there was no way he could face anybody anyway - not with the already purple bruise across his cheekbone and the swelling under his eye.

The days between Christmas and New Year had dragged by with Robert feeling like he was trapped in the house. Ian hadn’t told him he couldn’t leave, but Robert couldn’t bring himself to go out. There was no hiding the bruising on his face and he dreaded someone asking him about it: he didn’t think he’d be able to keep his voice steady or the tremor from his hands as he tried to make up some story about what had happened.

And anyway, where would he even go? He couldn’t go to see Vic because she’d just flap and fuss about what had happened and demand to know who was responsible. And he certainly couldn’t go to see Aaron. Even if Ian hadn’t practically forbidden him from seeing Aaron, he couldn’t face him like this anyway.

Days had gone by and Robert hadn’t been in contact with anyone. He’d ignored calls and messages and hoped that, if he did, Ian would be appeased. But then he had realised that Vic would probably just end up coming around to the house to check on him if he seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth so he began to answer his phone again and reply to messages, all in secret so that Ian didn’t get annoyed. Robert wasn’t even sure if Ian had a problem with him being in touch with Vic or Diane or anyone else, or if the problem was just Aaron, but he didn’t want to take the risk. He hated even acknowledging it, but he was terrified of doing anything that would upset Ian.

Aaron had text Robert several times after the phone call on Christmas Eve and, like he had done with everyone else, Robert had ignored him. As much as he wanted, needed, to speak to Aaron, he’d come to the decision that it was for the best if he complied with Ian’s demands. But there was a tone of concern in each of the messages from Aaron, nothing pushy, nothing berating Robert for letting him down again, and eventually Robert gave in to his desire to have some contact with his ex-husband. He was always careful though: if he’d been in touch with Aaron in any way, he always ensured that his messages and call log had been cleared immediately. Somehow even that became something to hate himself over: ‘You always were good at being deceitful,’ he’d think bitterly to himself every time he pressed delete on his phone.

Robert was just so confused. Ian was perfectly pleasant and loving towards Robert, as long as his boyfriend was doing what he told him to. If Robert put a foot out of line, or Ian had had a bad day, Robert was the one who suffered. The day that Robert had dropped a glass in the kitchen, Ian had yelled at him and pushed him against the wall angrily before telling him how useless he was.

That had become one of Ian’s favourite ways to hurt Robert when he was in a bad mood. He preyed upon Robert’s insecurities telling him that he didn’t deserve anyone to care about him; that no-one would miss him if he never set foot in Emmerdale again; that he was a disappointment, always letting everyone down. He constantly told Robert that he should be thankful for having Ian because no-one else would want him; no-one else would put up with what a disappointment he was; no-one else would ‘love’ him the way Ian did.

Robert tried to ignore his comments: he tried to remind himself that his family loved him and didn’t just ‘put up with him’ because they were forced to, but it was becoming harder every time that Ian told him how pathetic and useless he was. He began to wonder how much longer they would actually want him around. He questioned whether they really would care if he disappeared. Maybe he was pathetic. Maybe he was a waste of space. Maybe he wasn’t good enough for Ian and every day he was risking being left alone by being such a failure at everything. Fighting against Ian’s poisonous words was exhausting, as Robert found himself worn down further and further by his physical and verbal attacks. He found himself thinking that maybe he deserved everything that Ian said or did to him. He had heard it so often that it somehow seemed to be becoming true in his own head.

***

The weeks since Christmas had passed and all of a sudden everything had gone back to its usual routine. Ian had returned to work in the New Year, but Robert had been reluctant to go back to the scrapyard. He didn’t feel like he could cope with the questions he might face or someone noticing that there was still a slight yellow tinge to his skin under his eye.

He’d stayed at the house, completing some work at home that didn’t require a trip to Emmerdale. When his phone started flashing with an incoming call during the afternoon, he expected it to be Ian checking up on him, but was surprised to see that it was Aaron. His heart fluttered a little and he wasn’t sure whether it was nervousness about speaking to Aaron in secret, or just the feeling that Aaron evoked in him. Not wanting it to ring out while he wondered about it, he quickly answered. It was fine; Ian was at work and he had plenty of time to delete the call.

“Hello.”

“Alright,” Aaron replied. His usual telephone skills on display. “Are you coming in today?”

“Um, no,” Robert said. “I’m, um, I’ve been working from home today, but I’ll try to come in tomorrow.”

There was a pause. “You’re alright, then?” Aaron asked eventually.

Robert swallowed thickly. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

Aaron sighed. “Look, it’s my birthday tomorrow. Going to have a few drinks at the pub after work, nothing over-the-top, but I was just wondering if you’d be able to make it.”

Of course Robert had remembered that it was Aaron’s birthday. And no matter what, he was going to make the effort to see him. He just wasn’t planning on mentioning it to Ian. It was worth the risk. And if he stayed for just one drink, Ian wouldn’t ever need to know.

“Yeah, of course I’ll come for a drink.”

There was another pause and then Aaron sighed again. Aaron had been trying not to put pressure on Robert but he was getting more and more frustrated with each day that passed. He knew that there was something going on that he couldn’t figure out and he was so worried about Robert. He could no longer hold back the question that he asked, “Rob, what’s going on? You’ve been so distant lately. I know that something ‘s wrong.”

There was silence on the other end of the line as Robert thought of how he could reply. “You wouldn’t understand,” he said quietly. “I’m fine, really. Just trust me.”

“I’m worried about you,” Aaron admitted.

Robert felt his heart ache at the words. Aaron cared about him. Maybe everything that Ian kept telling him was rubbish, maybe he wouldn’t be all alone if he wasn’t with Ian. He felt a tiny smile tugging at his lips. “You really…” he began, but then he trailed off as he heard a car pull up in the driveway. He rushed to the living room window and his heart nearly stopped as he saw Ian getting out of his car. He had come home from work early. “Aaron, I’ve got to go,” he said quickly and hung up immediately. He rushed upstairs, throwing the phone onto their bed, before making it look like he’d just emerged from the en-suite.

It didn’t take long before Ian appeared at the bedroom door. “Hey handsome,” he said sweetly as he entered the room. He walked over to Robert and kissed the top of his head. His heart thudding in his chest, Robert smiled at him tightly.

“Had a good day?” Robert asked, trying to keep his voice steady. “How come you’re home so early?”

“Just thought I’d surprise you,” Ian answered. “And break myself back in gently with a short first day back.”

Robert hardly heard the end of his sentence because he was suddenly very aware that his phone was flashing on the bed. He had set the phone to silent and programmed it not to vibrate weeks ago to stop Ian noticing when anyone contacted him, but now it was sitting there flashing in plain sight.

Ian followed Robert’s gaze and stared at the phone, obviously seeing Aaron’s name on the screen. His eyes narrowed slightly. “What does he want?” he asked.

Robert shrugged his shoulders, trying to seem indifferent when in reality his heart was racing in his chest. “I don’t know: just ignore it.” He tried to distract Ian, “What do you fancy for tea?”

Unfortunately, Ian was far too focused on the phone. He picked it up off the bed. It had stopped flashing, but an alert popped up on the screen signalling that a new voice message had been received.

“He’s left you a message,” Ian said. His voice sounded weird and Robert felt something cold, like dread, slide down his spine. “Let’s see what he wants.”

He stumbled forwards, not really knowing what he was doing, but hoping that somehow he could prevent Ian from listening to whatever Aaron had said, but Ian held out his hand and Robert stopped dead in his movements.

Ian touched the screen to retrieve the message and set the phone to loud speaker mode. Robert’s heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he was sure Ian would be able to hear it as he stared anxiously at the phone in Ian’s hand.

Aaron’s voice filled the room. “Rob, it’s me. Look I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I know there’s something up. We’re halfway through a conversation and then you just hang up on me. Please talk to me. I’ve tried not to push: I’ve tried to be patient and wait for you to come to me, but I know something’s wrong. You said I should trust you - well you need to trust me too. You can talk to me – I’m here for you. Please Robert, I’m worried about you.” There was a sigh and then Aaron continued, “Look, tomorrow we can forget about the birthday drinks, yeah? Why don’t we just talk after work?” He sighed again. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Silence filled the bedroom as the message ended. Robert stood completely still beside the bed watching Ian with wide, fearful eyes. For several long moments, Ian just stood staring at the phone in his hand.

Slowly, Ian’s eyes moved to Robert’s form. “What the hell was that?” he spoke in a slow, quiet voice that sent a shudder of fear through Robert. It felt like the calm before the storm.

Robert stepped a little closer with his hands out towards Ian. “I’m sorry,” he said immediately, “He rang and I didn’t think I should keep ignoring him because he’d start asking questions and I work with him so I need to communicate with him about stuff at the scrapyard.” He spoke quickly in a desperate attempt to stop Ian exploding.

“You’ve been talking to him all this time, even when I told you not to. You’ve been sneaking around behind my back,” Ian ground out, still in the same low tone as before.

Robert shook his head quickly, “No, no. It’s not like that.”

“You lying, fucking bastard!” Ian screamed at him suddenly. He lunged forward, grabbed hold of Robert’s arm and pulled his boyfriend towards him.

Robert’s eyes were wide as he looked up at Ian for a moment, silently pleading with him not to hurt him.

Ian didn’t hear the plea. He punched Robert hard in the face, and slammed him backwards into the wall. His shoulders collided with the wall and his head swam as it bumped off the wall with a loud thump. His lip was bleeding from where Ian had hit him: he could taste the blood in his mouth and feel it dribbling down his chin. He looked at Ian through watery eyes and knew that there would be no going back from this. Ian was totally enraged, his eyes were darker than Robert had ever seen them, and in that moment he honestly didn’t know how the night would end.

Robert didn’t have time to dwell on his thoughts as Ian suddenly stepped closer to him and wrapped his hands around his throat tightly. “I can’t believe you’ve done this to me!” Ian screamed at him. Robert was struggling to breathe and his hands scrabbled at Ian’s larger ones in a desperate attempt to pry them away from his neck. The whole time, Ian continued ranting about how Robert had brought this on himself by sneaking around behind his back.

Suddenly Robert was released and he bent over clutching at his throat desperately trying to catch his breath. When he glanced up, there was such anger in Ian’s eyes that Robert thought it would burn him. With a low growl, Ian punched him in the face again and Robert stumbled to the floor, managing to break his fall with his hands just in time. He looked up at his incensed boyfriend and held out his hands in an attempt to pacify him.

“Please…stop,” he begged desperately as he wheezed through his bruised throat and gasped for air. “I’m sorry. I’ll never lie to you again, I swear. Please…just stop.”

Ian looked down at Robert with disgust and actually laughed cruelly. “You’re pathetic. I’ve told you so many times how useless you are, but you still think you’re something special,” he mocked.  “You act like the big man in front of everyone in that dump of a village where you think they actually care about you, but they don’t. They don’t give a shit about you. Why would they?” He leant a little closer to Robert’s prone form. “You fuck everything up, Robert. You lie and cheat and think you’re something special and you’ll get away with it all, but I guess everything catches up with you in the end. You deserve this: you’re no better than a fucking whore.” Ian stood up straight again. “You’ll learn one way or another that you should do what I tell you. You are a worthless, fucking piece of shit.” He punctuated each of his last three words with a sharp kick to Robert’s ribs and abdomen.

As his eyes rolled back in his head, Robert was grateful for the bliss of unconsciousness that finally overcame him.

Chapter Text

When Robert woke up, it took him a moment to realise that he was lying on the bedroom floor. It didn’t take him long to remember why he was on the floor, as he felt like his whole body was screaming in pain.

He had no idea how much time had passed since Ian had attacked him, but it was dark outside now. Robert was alone in the room and he could hear the television downstairs. He lifted himself carefully and slowly into a sitting position, such a simple movement causing such terrible pain to shoot all over his body. He winced as he looked around the room, incredibly relieved that Ian was nowhere to be seen. The terrifying thought that Ian would come back and attack him again flashed into the forefront of his mind, so he slowly began dragging himself towards the en-suite bathroom, desperate to be as quiet as possible to make sure that Ian didn’t hear him. When he reached the bathroom, he quickly bolted the door and lay down on his side on the cold floor, breathing heavily. A few tears escaped his eyes and trickled down his face as he lay there, arms wrapped around his throbbing stomach and ribs, thinking about what had happened. Before long, his eyes drooped closed and he slipped back into darkness.

The next time that Robert opened his eyes, he was shivering. Slowly, he moved from his uncomfortable position lying on the floor to sit up carefully. It was still dark outside but when he looked at his watch he realised it was just past six o’clock in the morning. The knowledge that he had been lying on the cold floor of the bathroom all night shocked him into movement. Cautiously, he raised himself from the floor, leaning against the counter for support, and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror.

He stared in disbelief at his reflection; he hardly even recognised himself. His hair was a mess and his skin was pale, but that was nothing in comparison to the shock he felt at seeing his injured face. There were dark bruises forming already on both sides of his face, his bottom lip was split and swollen and dried blood from the cut was crusted on his lip and chin. His eyes moved slightly further down to his neck where finger shaped bruises marked the tender flesh of his throat.

Robert knew his chest and stomach would be bruised too; he didn’t need to lift his shirt to know that - he could feel the pain. He took a flannel from the side of the sink, wet it and began dabbing at his split lip to remove some of the dried blood. As he hissed in pain at the stinging of the cut, he looked himself in the eyes. They looked so sad. It startled him to see such dull, bloodshot despair staring back at him. What had happened to him? How had his life been taken over to the point that he didn’t even know who he was anymore?

As he stared at his reflection, he made a decision. He knew what he had to do, but he was terrified of doing it. He took a deep breath, laid the cloth on the side of the sink and moved to the bathroom door. His heart was racing as he unlocked the door and stepped out into the bedroom. Ian wasn’t there; he must have fallen asleep in front of the television downstairs. Sighing in relief and hardly daring to believe his luck, he quietly went to his wardrobe. Working as quickly and quietly as he could for fear of alerting Ian to his presence, he pulled his bag out and began throwing his clothes and other belongings into it. He had brought more than one bag of stuff with him when he had moved in but right now he knew he could only carry one, so he just shoved the most important things in. Relief washed over him when he saw that his phone was still on the bed where Ian had thrown it. He picked up the phone, zipped up the bag and limped slowly towards the stairs. There was still no sign of Ian, but Robert knew that he would be extremely lucky to get out without encountering the man he now feared so much.

Robert crept down the stairs, wincing as he took each step, and walked as quickly as he could manage to the kitchen to get his car keys. He found them and headed back the way he had come. As he neared the front door, he came to an abrupt halt as Ian seemed to appear from nowhere and stood blocking his path. It looked as though he had just woken up, and he seemed confused as he looked at Robert. Ian’s eyes travelled up and down his body slowly but he didn’t even flinch as he looked at his boyfriend’s injuries. Instead his eyes settled on the large bag that Robert was carrying.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice gruff from sleep.

His heart raising, Robert swallowed nervously before he replied quietly, “I’m leaving.”

“What?” Ian erupted. “What the fuck do you mean?”

Robert flinched at Ian’s raised voice. “You can’t stop me.” He so desperately wanted to sound confident but he knew his voice was shaking as he spoke. “I’m leaving,” he repeated.

“Why? You can’t leave me!” Ian said angrily and he took a step towards Robert. Robert forced himself to stand his ground - he wasn’t going to back up and let Ian see how much he feared him.

If Robert hadn’t been so scared he probably would have said, ‘Why do you think I’m leaving?’ but instead he just shook his head at Ian and then said, “I’ve already called Vic and told her what’s happened. If she doesn’t hear from me,” Robert paused and looked at his watch then continued, “In the next five minutes, she’s going to call the police.”

Ian’s eyes were wide, and Robert couldn’t tell if he was angry or just shocked. He just prayed silently that Ian had believed his bluff. This was the hardest part: Robert’s heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he was sure that Ian could hear it. He started walking past Ian as quickly as he could. He feared that at any moment a large hand would grab hold of him and drag him back, but nothing happened, so he kept walking steadily forwards. It seemed to take so long to reach the door, and just as he was nearly there he heard Ian speak.

“Don’t leave me, Robert. We can sort this out: let’s just sit down and talk. I love you,” he said softly.

Robert turned round and looked at Ian warily. He could feel tears stinging his eyes but he refused to let Ian see him cry anymore. Ian was watching him with an almost pleading look on his face as though everything could be undone by saying those words; as though he really believed that they could talk this through and everything would be alright between them; as though he really thought Robert was stupid enough to fall for his words again. ‘That’s probably what he actually thinks of me,’ Robert thought to himself bitterly, ‘And why shouldn’t he? I’ve been so pathetic.’

He swallowed thickly. He drew in a deep breath. He suddenly felt stronger than he had in months. “You don’t love me - you never did. You never could have done this to someone you loved. You just wanted to control me. I think I’ve known that all along but only just accepted it,” Robert told him as he turned and opened the door, the blast of cold air feeling a lot like freedom. He could suddenly breathe properly again.

“You belong to me, Robert. You know that,” Ian shouted after him. The soft tone was gone now, replaced by anger once again. “You’ll come crawling back, begging me to take you back, you know you will. You’re nothing: no-one wants you around, not like me.”

Robert didn’t even turn around: even without seeing him, he knew that Ian’s face would be twisted in anger. He just walked as quickly as he could to his car. Carefully, wincing as his sore muscles and bruised body protested, he got in and locked the doors. Ian appeared at the front door, staring at him in disbelief and barely disguised rage, as he reversed out of the driveway and set off down the road. He didn’t get very far before he had to pull over. He was shaking so much that he could hardly grip the steering wheel. It took him a long time to calm himself down enough to continue driving. He knew exactly where he was heading; a place where he hoped he would find someone who still cared about him, a place where he hoped he would feel safe again.  

***

Aaron was up surprisingly early for him and in the kitchen making tea. He hadn’t been able to sleep for thinking about Robert. He was so worried about him and with every day that passed he became more and more concerned. Something was really wrong and Aaron was determined to find out what. He couldn’t wait for Robert to make the first move and talk to him anymore; he was going figure it out for himself. He had decided that when Robert arrived at the scrapyard that morning, they were going to go for a drive and he wasn’t going to give up until Robert had told him what was going on. He was going to find out the truth once and for all. He hadn’t heard anything from Robert last night after he had left him that message so he knew the only way to communicate with him would be face to face.

Aaron had come to the conclusion that Ian didn’t like him much, even though he’d made the effort to be civil towards him for Robert’s sake. He didn’t know why Ian had such a problem with him, although he could probably guess, but he didn’t particularly care. He wasn’t exactly in Ian’s fan club himself. Since Ian had made himself a permanent fixture in Robert’s life, things had changed: Robert had changed. He had been so withdrawn and distant: his confident attitude was gone and he was shutting everyone out. Aaron could only guess that it had to be Ian’s influence that was causing Robert to behave in such an out of character manner. Ian was obviously pretty possessive and had made it clear that wherever Robert was, he had to be too. None of it seemed right to Aaron. He knew there was something wrong and he was determined to get to the bottom of it once and for all.

As he leant against the kitchen counter thinking over what he was going to say to Robert later, how he was going to get him to finally open up, he heard a knock on the front door. He glanced up at the clock on the wall. It was still early, not even half-seven yet. He couldn’t imagine anyone he knew dragging themselves out of bed at that time to call round, even though it was his birthday. He smiled to himself as he walked to the front door. ‘It definitely won’t be Ad,’ he thought. ‘He’s really not a morning person.’

When Aaron reached the door, he looked out of the frosted glass panel. The man outside had his back to the door but Aaron immediately recognised his visitor as Robert. He would have known that figure anywhere. Aaron was shocked to see Robert on his doorstep, but pleasantly surprised. Maybe this was the turning point and Robert was finally going to talk to him. He pulled the door open quickly with a smile on his face. “Rob? What are you doing here so early?” he asked brightly.

The happy smile on Aaron’s face vanished as Robert slowly turned to face him. Aaron couldn’t believe what he was seeing; the man in front of him didn’t even look like Robert. His hand fell away from the door handle and he stood staring at his visitor: he was completely stunned. “Oh my God, Robert. What happened to you?” he finally managed to say after a long moment of just staring at Robert in horror.

Robert looked into his eyes sadly. He looked like he was struggling to find the words to explain. “Ian…Ian did it,” was all he managed to whisper.

Aaron thought for a moment that he must have imagined it. Something this bad could not really have happened to the person he cared about so much. Shaking himself out of his shock, when Robert staggered slightly with the effort of holding himself up, he forced himself to move through the door and gently put his arm around Robert’s back.

“Come on. Let’s get you inside,” he said gently. He took a moment to look at Robert’s face, seeing such a mix of emotions in his expression: fear, nervousness, despair and confusion.  

He didn’t have time to dwell on anything other than getting Robert inside so he carefully led him into the house and sat him on the sofa. Aaron perched on the edge of the coffee table in front of Robert and carefully took hold of his hand. His eyes scanned over his ex-husband’s form while he tried to get his head around what was going on.

“Robert, can you tell me what happened?” he asked quietly, afraid to put pressure on him. Aaron had no idea what had actually happened but he knew that he needed to take his time with this.

Almost like he’d been in a trance, Robert had been looking at his hand, held so protectively within Aaron’s. He knew he was safe with Aaron, but he was still so scared to speak the truth. It was too late to turn back now though; he was here and about to tell Aaron everything. Even if he wanted to lie and hide the truth, there was no way that Aaron would let him. He looked up into Aaron’s concerned eyes, took a shuddering breath and began to speak.

“Ian…he…he…attacked me last night,” he said quietly. He swallowed thickly. “I packed my stuff and left this morning.” It sounded so simple, so insignificant, when he said it. So few words needed to describe the suffering he’d endured.

Aaron was still watching him closely with a look of growing horror on his face. “What exactly happened? Start at the beginning,” he said softly.

Robert didn’t want to start at the beginning - that would mean explaining about Aaron’s message on his phone that had enraged Ian so much. He looked down at their joined hands again and swallowed thickly. “He got angry with me and attacked me. He said…awful things to me,” Robert’s voice cracked as he recounted the story. “He hit me…and when I fell to the floor, he kicked me until I passed out. I woke up on the floor this morning and I knew…I knew I couldn’t stay.”

Daring to chance a look up at Aaron’s face, Robert couldn’t name the emotion he saw there. It wasn’t one, solo emotion: it was a storm of shock, sorrow and fury. Robert might have flinched away but he knew the anger wasn’t directed at him. Suddenly, Robert panicked. What if Aaron went over to the house and started something with Ian? What if he got himself into trouble because of Robert? He knew that Aaron had worked so hard on dealing with his emotions, had found healthier ways of coping with his anger or upset, but he also knew that Aaron was incredibly passionate and reacted strongly to people he cared about getting hurt.

“You can’t go after him,” he declared, his eyes wide as he looked at Aaron. “Please, Aaron. Please promise me you won’t go after him.” He could feel his heart rate rising as he thought about what might happen, as he imagined Aaron and Ian fighting, or Aaron getting arrested because he’d punched Ian in a rage, or Aaron getting hurt, because Ian certainly knew how to do that to people.

“Robert. Robert. Robert, calm down. Just breathe.”

He realised that Aaron had been calling his name and then realised that he’d been gasping for air, struggling to get hold of himself as his panic had spiked. He was squeezing Aaron’s hand tightly and he suddenly released it, shaking his head a little and pulling back slightly. He looked towards the door of the Mill, wondering if he should just leave now, before he dragged Aaron any further into his mess. It wasn’t fair on Aaron. Why had he thought it was a good idea to just turn up here like this? It wasn’t Aaron’s problem. Aaron probably didn’t want anything to do with the mess that Robert had got himself in to.  

“Robert, I promise I won’t go anywhere near Ian. Just calm down, breathe,” he heard Aaron saying and he turned back to look at Aaron’s concerned face. He was concerned? He certainly looked worried, amongst other things, and Robert wondered why Aaron would even care. Then he felt angry at himself for doubting Aaron - of course he cared. He shook his head slightly, trying to stop his thoughts from spiralling and racing out of his control. Everything was such a mess: he couldn’t even think straight.

“Robert,” Aaron said quietly, bringing him back to focus again. “How badly are you hurt? You said he kicked you until you lost consciousness.”

Robert merely nodded so Aaron continued. “Where else are you hurt?”

His eyes lowered to the floor, Robert didn’t speak: he just moved forward slightly and, with trembling fingers, he slowly unfastened the buttons of his shirt.

Aaron had to hold in the gasp that threatened to spill past his lips when he was confronted with Robert’s bruised abdomen: dark bruises littered his lower chest and stomach. Robert hadn’t even looked at it himself, but had suspected that it must have been bad from the pain he felt; he now had his suspicions confirmed by Aaron’s facial expression.

“Fucking hell, Rob,” Aaron breathed out. “We need to get you to the hospital.”

Robert’s eyes widened in panic. “No! I don’t want to go to the hospital. They’ll ask too many questions. Please, Aaron, please don’t make me,” he begged.

Aaron hadn’t expected such a strong reaction and to see Robert so desperately pleading with him shocked him deeply. How had Robert, who had always been so confident, been reduced to this? “It’s alright, it’s alright. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he reassured him as he stroked his hand again.

Robert visibly relaxed and Aaron took a deep breath. He had planned on asking Robert to go to the police about what had happened but that was obviously a bad idea. He decided to give him a bit of time before he suggested it. 

Taking a moment to breathe and absorb what had happened so far, Aaron found himself staring at Robert’s upper body. He squinted slightly as his eyes roamed over Robert’s flesh and he saw something that made his blood run cold. He had to be wrong, surely he was imagining things. Beneath and between the vivid purple bruises on Robert’s skin, there were marks of faded greens and yellows, and Aaron felt sick to his stomach as he realised what they represented.

He swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat before he managed to speak. “Has this ever happened before?” He wasn’t sure he was ready to hear the answer.

Robert’s eyes fell to the carpet again. “He’s hurt me before,” he mumbled. “But never this bad.”

Aaron could hardly believe his ears. His mind was racing. How long had this been going on? How could this have been happening without any of them noticing something that was surely so obvious? How could he have been so blind? What other horrific abuse had Robert suffered at the hands of that bastard? What had caused Ian to lash out so badly this time? Aaron’s mind stalled on that thought. He needed to know the answer to that question.

He still spoke gently as he said, “Rob, what was different this time? Why did he get so angry?”

Robert looked up at him sharply, his eyes wider than before. How could he tell Aaron what had triggered Ian’s rage?

“Please, tell me,” Aaron urged him, but he had a terrible feeling deep in his gut that he already knew what had happened last night to enrage Ian so terribly.

There was silence for a long time as Robert just looked into his eyes.

He took a deep breath before he spoke quietly. “He heard the message that you left me on my phone. He thought that you…you still had feelings for me and didn’t want me to see you. I told him that I wasn’t speaking to you anymore. He got so mad because… because I lied to him,” Robert trailed off as he watched Aaron’s eyes widen and his face crumple slightly in horror.

Aaron had felt his heart breaking in his chest as he listened to Robert confirm his worst fears. It was his fault. If he hadn’t tried to pressure Robert into talking to him, this wouldn’t have happened.

“I’m so sorry,” Aaron said. His voice sounded so hollow that Robert actually stroked his hand reassuringly.

“It’s not your fault, Aaron. Please don’t blame yourself,” he said gently. 

Aaron looked up at him and smiled weakly, wondering how Robert had the strength to find any consoling words in his current state. He needed a moment just to calm himself down. He needed to be there for Robert now and he couldn’t do that if he was getting wrapped up in his own anger and despair and pain. 

“I’ll get you a brew and the first aid kit so we can get you fixed up a bit.” He patted Robert’s knee gently, stood up and moved towards the kitchen.

It was as he moved that he heard footsteps on the stairs and then Liv appeared, smiling at him brightly.

“Mornin’,” she greeted him. “Happy birthday. But you know it’s not like Christmas where you have to get up early to check if someone’s delivered your presents.”

Aaron froze, not knowing what to do for the best. He looked at Liv in shock and then he quickly looked over his shoulder at where Robert was looking nervous and unsure on the sofa.

Liv obviously noticed the strange reaction and immediately peered around him only to gasp in shock. “Oh my God,” she exclaimed. “What happened?”

“Liv…it’s not…can I talk to you about this later? I’m sorry. Um, can you get Gerry and go to get some breakfast at the café before school?”

For a moment it looked like Liv might argue and demand to know what was going on, but one look at Aaron’s face told her that now was not the time for stubbornness. She quickly made her way to Gerry’s room, knocked and when he appeared, she dragged him towards the door, casting a worried glance over her shoulder at the two men.

Robert pushed himself forwards on the sofa, wincing as he moved. “I should go,” he said quickly. “I…shouldn’t have come here. It’s not your problem.”

“No,” Aaron disagreed, but then immediately softened his tone when he saw the look on Robert’s face. “Please, don’t go. I’m glad you came here - just…let me help you, alright?”

Still looking unsure, Robert simply nodded at him, and Aaron continued to the kitchen. 

When he got there, he leant back against the sink for support and stood breathing deeply for a few minutes, eyes glued to where Robert was sitting, completely still on the sofa. He felt so angry and so stupid for not noticing what was going on. He really wanted to punch something or scream, he could feel the rage inside him, but getting mad and losing control wasn’t going to make Robert feel secure. And he was better than that these days: he’d got so much better at dealing with his emotions in a constructive, positive way. He needed to stay calm and take care of Robert; that was more important than anything else in that moment. He quickly made Robert a cup of tea, putting a few sugars in it because that was what he’d heard was good for shock, and found the first aid kit buried at the back of a cupboard.

When he walked back through to the lounge, he found Robert staring at his hand. He approached him slowly and sat back down on the edge of the coffee table in front of him. He opened the first aid kit and pulled out an antiseptic wipe.

“This might sting,” he told Robert before he gently dabbed the wipe on Robert’s split lip. It did sting, but it was nothing compared to the pain Robert had felt the night before or the pain he still felt all over his body now.

It took a while because Aaron was being incredibly gentle and moving with such care, not wanting to cause Robert any further unnecessary pain, but eventually the worst of the blood was cleaned away. Robert had held himself incredibly rigid the entire time, only wincing now and again when the wipe caught against a cut, and his eyes were fixed on a spot somewhere over Aaron’s shoulder.

“There,” Aaron announced as he placed another bloodied wipe onto the pile on the table, “that’s cleaned you up a bit.” He didn’t really know what to say. He wasn’t particularly good with words and this seemed like such a fragile situation that he was terrified of saying the wrong thing and upsetting Robert even more.

Finally, Robert looked back at him, but he only held his gaze for a moment before his eyes fell to his hands again. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Aaron hadn’t been expecting that and he certainly didn’t know what Robert was apologising for. “What do you mean?”

“It’s your birthday and I’ve just shown up here like this, causing you a load of hassle. I’m sure this isn’t what you wanted to be dealing with this morning.”

Robert hadn’t lifted his head the whole time he’d been speaking: he looked defeated, hanging his head like he was ashamed. And Aaron couldn’t stand it: he couldn’t bear to see Robert reduced to this. He shook his head sadly and carefully moved to sit next to Robert on the sofa.

“You have nothing to apologise for. The best thing that could’ve happened is having you here – safe.” Aaron told him. He watched as Robert’s eyes filled with tears but he blinked rapidly refusing to let them fall.

“I’ve been such an idiot,” he said quietly. “Everything just…it got so out of hand and I was scared and I didn’t know what to do. I should have done something. I shouldn’t have just stayed there. I’m so stupid and pathetic. Who lets someone do that to them? I’ve made such a mess of everything,” he continued bitterly.

Every word made Aaron feel sick to his stomach. How could Robert seriously think that any of this was his fault? How could he blame himself for that bastard hurting him? The Robert he knew so well seemed so lost in those moments, like every part of him had been broken down and destroyed by Ian and his cruelty. Looking at Robert and hearing his words, Aaron had no doubt that the abuse he’d suffered wasn’t only physical. He didn’t even want to imagine the things that Ian had said to Robert over the months that he’d been torturing him, keeping him scared and vulnerable and thinking that he had nowhere else, no-one else, to turn to.

Carefully, moving slowly to allow Robert to see his actions, Aaron wrapped his arm around Robert’s shoulders and held him gently. “You are not to blame for this, Robert. You’re not stupid and you’re not pathetic; you just got trapped and didn’t know how to get out. You’re safe now and you’re going to be alright, I promise,” he soothed Robert as he rubbed his back tenderly.

He didn’t know how he was going to ensure he kept that promise, but he was going to do everything he could to stick to it.   

Chapter Text

Aaron had convinced Robert that a nice, hot shower might make him feel better and ease his aches and pains, so after making sure Robert was set up upstairs with everything he needed, including a change of clothes (something soft and over-sized of Aaron’s), he’d left him to it to go and make sure he had some ice in the freezer for the bruising when Robert came back downstairs and make a phone call to Victoria. He still didn’t know how to deal with what he had been confronted with that morning, but he knew he couldn’t keep it to himself. He couldn’t help Robert on his own.  

When Vic answered the phone, Aaron didn’t really know what to say. This wasn’t something that he could easily explain over the phone: he needed to speak to her face-to-face to be able to explain, as best as he could, the terrible truth about why Robert had been so distant.

“Vic, it’s me,” he began.

“Morning, and happy birthday,” she replied brightly. “If you’ve been trying to get hold of Adam, he’s still dead to the world.”

“No, no, I’ve not. Listen, Vic, I need you to come over as soon as you can,” Aaron said.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Vic asked in confusion, immediately sensing Aaron’s tone.

“It’s about Robert. He’s here and…he needs us. I don’t want to explain over the phone. Please just come over as soon as you can,” Aaron repeated.

“Aaron, you’re freaking me out. What’s wrong with Robert?” Vic asked.

“Please, Vic, just get over here,” Aaron said almost desperately. “I’ve got to go.”

Aaron ended the call, put his phone on the counter and then leant against it. Blowing out a deep breath, he tried to calm himself down. He couldn’t stop picturing Robert’s face as he’d stood on the doorstep looking so lost, so hurt. He couldn’t stop imagining what Robert had gone through at the hands of the man who was supposed to care about him. But then he realised that he actually had no idea what Robert had experienced - sure, he could imagine it, but Robert had lived it. He’d been trapped in that situation for all those months and Aaron knew that they’d barely scratched the surface of what had been going on behind closed doors.

He shook his head angrily and stood up straight. His hands clenched into fists and he could feel the desire to act, to do something, practically crawling across his skin. The idea of storming over to Ian’s place and smashing his fucking teeth in flashed through his mind, but almost as quickly, the thought vanished. He wouldn’t do that; he couldn’t do that. Not only had he promised Robert that he wouldn’t go after Ian, but he’d promised himself, a long time ago, that he wouldn’t react with anger and violence anymore. He’d had his newfound resolve tested before, but nothing had challenged him as much as this situation. 

Eventually, he heard the water turn off upstairs and after a while he quietly made his way back upstairs. He knocked on the bedroom door and waited to hear Robert tell him it was alright for him to go in.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing Aaron’s clothes, Robert looked slightly better after his shower, but he still didn’t look like Robert. He looked younger and older all at the same time.

“Feeling better?” Aaron asked.

Robert looked at him and nodded quickly. The bruises on his face and neck were shockingly vivid in the brighter light of the bedroom but Aaron did his best not to stare at them so that he didn’t make Robert uncomfortable.

“Listen, Robert, I don’t want to upset you, and I hope you understand why I’ve done it, but I called Vic and asked her to come over.”

At Robert’s wide-eyed look of shock, Aaron quickly continued. “I didn’t tell her what happened, but I think we need to. You’re going to need some help to deal with all of this and, you know what she’s like, she’d have started asking questions, wondering where you were, and this isn’t something you can hide. She’s your sister - she loves you - she’ll want to be there for you.”

Robert looked down at his clenched hands between his knees. “Okay,” he agreed quietly.

Suddenly, Aaron had an awful feeling like he was forcing Robert into doing something he didn’t want to and it made him feel sick. “If you don’t want to see her, or you don’t want to tell her, that’s alright, you know.  I won’t make you. Or I can explain it to her and you can see her another time. I just think it’d be for the best, but it’s your decision.”

It took a long moment but eventually Robert looked up at him. He licked his bottom lip and then winced a little as his tongue grazed the cut. “I’ll tell her. There’s no point trying to hide this anymore.”

Relief rushed through Aaron, not only that Robert had made the right choice, but that he wouldn’t have to deal with all of this on his own. He wondered if that was selfish of him, but he was just so scared that he was going to do something wrong, or upset Robert somehow, and he knew he needed help too.

“You can stay up here until she gets here if you like. She’s coming over but it might be best if I speak to her before she sees you.”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed. “You know what she’s like, she’ll just panic if she sees me like this without any explanation.”

Aaron thought that she had every right to freak out at the sight of her brother black and blue, but he knew what Robert meant.

“Will you…” Robert began and then cleared his throat before starting again, “Will you explain to her? I don’t…I don’t want to…she’ll…”

“It’s fine, Rob,” Aaron told him when he could see him struggling. “I’ll talk to her and then send her up to see you. Is that okay?”

Robert nodded again. “Thanks,” he said quietly.

“You don’t need to thank me,” Aaron replied. He wanted to go over to Robert and wrap him up in a hug, but he stopped himself. It wasn’t about what he wanted to do and it was impossible to know whether Robert would appreciate the gesture at the moment.

The door bell ringing broke the silence and Aaron left Robert in the bedroom to go and let Victoria in. He was glad she’d understood the urgency of his phone call and got there as quickly as possible.  

When he opened the door, he saw Victoria standing there with a look of confusion and deep concern on her face. Aaron invited her in and led her through to the kitchen without saying a word.

“Aaron, what the hell is going on?” she asked him when they finally came to a stop in the kitchen and Aaron turned to face her. “You’re freaking me out with all this cloak and dagger stuff.”

Looking at her sombrely, chewing on his lower lip nervously, Aaron tried to think of how he could put this into words. He’d been trying to think of the best way to explain what had happened but hadn’t come up with a solution. “Robert showed up here this morning. He’s left Ian,” he spat the name bitterly.

“Oh, right,” Vic replied, the confusion displayed on her face. “Is he upset then?” she asked looking pretty baffled about why Aaron was acting so oddly about a break-up.

“You don’t understand,” Aaron said shaking his head in frustration. He knew he wasn’t doing a very good job of breaking the news to her, but he just didn’t know how to. “I don’t know how to explain this. Please don’t start freaking out: you need to stay calm.” He took a steadying breath. “Robert has left him because last night Ian assaulted him. He’s beaten him up pretty badly.”

Vic’s face screwed up as she shook her head in denial, but Aaron could see the realisation dawning on her even as she protested. “Don’t be daft. He…he wouldn’t…” she trailed off, looking completely lost for words.

Aaron shook his head sadly. “Do you think I’d mess around about something like this? He’s in a complete mess. You can go and see him in a minute, but I needed to explain what had happened first.”

It took a moment of Victoria opening and closing her mouth before she managed to speak again. “I don’t understand this. They seemed so happy, or I thought they were. Robert’s been quieter than usual, but I never thought Ian would do something like that.”

Realising that Victoria only knew about the assault last night, Aaron braced himself to tell her the rest. “Vic…there’s more,” he said as calmly as he could. “I think we’ve all noticed the change in him recently. I wanted him to tell me what was wrong but…I had no idea. Apparently, this has been going on for months and none of us realised. That bastard has had him trapped in an abusive relationship and Robert was too scared to say anything.”

The gasp of horror and her hand flying up to cover her mouth, told Aaron that the truth was finally sinking in with Victoria. It all made sense now that they looked back over the months, but they couldn’t believe that they hadn’t noticed exactly what was going on.

“Vic, I think you should go and talk to him. He knows you’ve come over and that I was going to tell you what’s happened, but…you just need to take your time with him; he’s completely broken,” Aaron said as he began leading Vic towards the staircase. He lowered his voice as he continued to speak. “He needs us to be there for him and help him deal with this. I’ve never seen him like this - it’s like…he’s someone else.” Aaron could feel tears welling in his eyes and rubbed them away roughly - he needed to be strong. He took another deep breath. “Vic, I need you to ask him something because it might be easier coming from you.” Aaron looked at her steadily. “I know it’s going to be hard but can you ask him if Ian ever…forced himself on him? We need to know if he ever,” he swallowed thickly, hardly even wanting to think that Robert had been hurt any further, “if he ever sexually assaulted him.”

Victoria’s eyes were wide as the terrible possibility that her brother could have been raped dawned on her. She nodded her head and took a deep breath. Aaron could see that she was shaking as she took hold of the banister and starting climbing.

***  

The gentle knock on the door snapped Robert out of his thoughts. And he was glad. He couldn’t stop his mind racing with memories of what had happened and fears that this was far from over. Part of him was desperate to run away, get as far away from here as he could, before anyone else got involved in his mess, before Ian tracked him down because surely he would. It wouldn’t take much to figure out where Robert would have gone. But a larger part of him wanted, no needed, to stay here where he was safe, where people cared about him (or at least he thought they did), where no-one would yell at him or punch him or scream at him or kick him.

He looked up as Vic pushed the bedroom door open and smiled weakly at her even as he watched her face completely fall at the sight of him perched on the edge of Aaron’s bed.

“Oh, Rob,” she whispered as she approached him slowly and he could see the tears in her eyes. She reached out to him as she sank down beside him and he gratefully fell into her embrace. She held him gently, but there was a fierce, protectiveness that he could feel enveloping him as she pressed her face into his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back lightly. Closing his eyes, Robert allowed himself a moment to just appreciate the feeling of his sister hugging him. He wanted to pretend that this was any normal day, that Vic was just in a ‘huggy’ mood and he was just humouring her, but there was no escaping the truth: Vic’s trembling body and the slightly wet patch he could feel on his shoulder reminded him that this wasn’t a simple brother/sister hug. His little sister was silently crying because of him - again. His own eyes were stinging as they held onto one another. 

Eventually, Vic pulled back and looked at him steadily. “I’m so sorry, Robert,” she said as she wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’m sorry we didn’t realise what was going on - I knew there was something not right. We should have helped you.”

Squeezing his eyes closed to stop the tears from falling, Robert hung his head.  Aaron and Vic both seemed so devastated by what had happened and felt so guilty when it wasn’t their fault. They kept saying that they should have helped him but they couldn’t have: he didn’t want them feeling responsible for him. ‘I’m to blame for this, I deserved this,’ he thought bitterly to himself. ‘And even now I’m causing them so much pain and worry and I’m not worth it.’

“Rob.” He heard Victoria saying his name and he realised he’d got lost in his own head for a while, cursing himself and berating himself for being so stupid and useless. He looked up to find his sister watching him carefully and tried to smile at her. She returned his watery smile with one of her own and then gently took hold of his hand. It was impossible to tell what was running through her head, but Robert didn’t think she looked disappointed in him like he’d been expecting.  

“I have to ask you something. I want you to be honest with me: you don’t have to be ashamed of anything,” Vic began softly. She swallowed thickly before she continued. “Did Ian…did he ever hurt you…in any other way? I mean did he…did he force you to do anything you didn’t want to?”

For a moment, Robert couldn’t quite comprehend what he was being asked, but as he processed the question and finally understood the true meaning behind her words, he pulled his hand away from hers and stood up from the bed. Victoria watched him with wide eyes but she didn’t move. Robert moved towards the corner of the room and then turned around to look at her. He felt restless all of a sudden.  He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, so he stepped back towards the bed again. When he was nearly back with her, he stopped suddenly and looked down at her where she was still sitting. He shook his head slowly though he felt a little doubtful when he spoke.

“No, he never forced me. Sometimes…I didn’t really want to, you know? But I never told him ‘no’…I didn’t …I didn’t want him to get angry…so that…that doesn’t count, does it?”

Vic drew in a sharp breath at his words. She pushed herself up from the bed and took a few steps to stand in front of Robert. She took his hand in hers again as she looked up at him. “If you didn’t want to have sex, then Ian should have known.”

Bowing his head again, Robert spoke quietly. “You must think I’m so weak,”

“Never,” Victoria replied immediately. “What he did to you is terrible. It’s unforgiveable. And you shouldn’t have had to say ‘no’ for him to realise that it wasn’t right. You are not weak, Robert; you’re incredibly strong to have come through all of this on your own. But now, you’ve got us to help you be strong; you don’t need to deal with this on your own anymore.”

Robert couldn’t help but wonder if she really meant it. Part of him was desperately clinging to her words, longing for it to be true, hoping that, even after everything, she still cared about him, but a voice in his head kept telling him how pathetic he was, how useless, how weak. And he didn’t know what to believe anymore.  

Eventually, Vic tugged on his hand and led him back to sit down on the bed. The thought flashed through his mind that if he carried on like this then everyone would see how truly pathetic he was.

“Robert, you’re not weak,” Vic said, and Robert wondered if he’d been thinking out loud, but then his sister continued. “I know you feel like you are right now, but you have to believe me, you’re not. I don’t think you realise how brave you were to walk out of there and leave him.”

Robert huffed out a breath. “I should’ve done something sooner though, shouldn’t I? I shouldn’t have let this happen.”

“You didn’t let this happen. It was done to you, through no fault of your own. You didn’t ask him to hurt you, Robert. He’s sick and he’s the one who should be ashamed - not you. You haven’t done anything wrong and you certainly didn’t deserve this.”

It was strange to hear those words. Robert had spent a long time listening to how he deserved every harsh word or cruel blow. His confidence and self-esteem had been chipped away at for so long that he really believed that he did deserve it and hearing his sister tell him the opposite felt strange. Was she just lying to him to make him feel better? Or was she right and none of this was his fault? He couldn’t get his head around any of that right now. Exhaustion was creeping over him and the need to get some decent sleep, somewhere comfortable instead of on a cold bathroom floor, was making his head hurt even more than it already had been.

Victoria obviously sensed his need to rest and she squeezed his hand. “Why don’t you get some sleep? You look done in.” She smiled at him in reassurance when he looked a little unsure. “I’m sure Aaron won’t mind you having a nap up here and I’ll be downstairs if you need anything, alright?” Standing up, she smiled at him again and then pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. “Love you.”

Robert returned her smile feeling a rush of warmth spreading through him. “Love you too. Thanks, Vic.”

With that, she turned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. Carefully, Robert got himself comfortable on the bed and within minutes, he was asleep.

***

When Victoria finally made her way back down the stairs and into the kitchen, Aaron was waiting for her with a cup of tea. He took one look at her face and stood up immediately, stepping around the table and pulling her into a hug as she burst into tears.  

“I can’t believe this,” she sobbed against his chest. “He looks so broken.”

“I know,” Aaron said as he rubbed her back. Tears were welling in his own eyes as he thought about what had happened to Robert.

“And he’s blaming himself for this - I can just tell,” she continued. “That evil, manipulative bastard has hurt him and made him feel like he’s nothing and Robert thinks it’s all his fault.” Vic pulled away from him and looked at him seriously, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Ian deserves a taste of his own medicine.”

Aaron sighed and then shook his head at her. “My first reaction was that I wanted to kick his head in, but that won’t help.”

“You can’t seriously just expect us to let him get away with this,” she retorted angrily.

Frowning, Aaron said, “Believe me, when Robert turned up here in that state this morning I wanted to go round there and kill Ian, but I really don’t think that’ll help right now. We have to do what’s best for him. He’s been through enough without us subjecting him to more violence.”

At first, Victoria looked like she might argue, but then she stopped herself and nodded once in understanding. “What about reporting him then?”

Aaron shrugged, feeling helpless all of a sudden: he didn’t know how to help Robert - not really. “When I saw how badly he was hurt, I suggested going to the hospital and he just panicked. He didn’t want them asking questions about what had happened, so I’m guessing that means he won’t want to go to the police either. It won’t be easy, but I’m going to try to convince him to report Ian. I’ll give him some time to think first and then suggest it - I don’t want to upset him by pushing too hard.”

“We can’t let Ian get away with this,” Vic said. The anger was still there in her voice, but also the sadness and shock at what had happened to her brother. “We should have noticed something was wrong. We should have done something - we’ve let him down.”

The guilt she felt was obvious and Aaron could sympathise with that. The knowledge that he’d felt like something was wrong with Robert but hadn’t acted sooner was a terrible burden. They fell into silence for a while, both lost in their own anguished thoughts, until Aaron plucked up the courage to find out what Robert had told Victoria.

“Did you manage to ask him?” he said eventually.

It was obvious she knew what he was referring to. She chewed her lower lip as she nodded once quickly. Anxiously, Aaron waited for her to speak, but he could tell from the look on her face and the tears that had formed in her eyes again that he already knew the answer.

“He said…he said that Ian hadn’t ever forced him, but that sometimes he didn’t really want to. But he didn’t dare say no. He was scared of what might happen if he’d said no but Ian didn’t care about that.” She let out a sob and more tears streamed down her face. “How could he do this? How could he have seemed so normal, so nice? We all thought he was lovely - like he was really good for Robert. And underneath that he was a monster. He was abusing Robert. What if he hadn’t been brave enough to leave him? Ian could’ve killed him. He could’ve pushed him down the stairs or something. And we wouldn’t have even known until it was too late.”

Aaron was clenching his fists as the words tumbled out of her. They were the same terrible things that had been running through his head, except he was angry with himself because he hadn’t thought that Ian was amazing like everyone else. Sure on the surface he’d seemed like an alright bloke, but Aaron had picked up on a weird possessive vibe from him, but he still hadn’t done anything about it. He’d even got so frustrated with Robert that he’d had a go at him about his weird behaviour and all along Robert probably just needed someone to talk to. Someone to listen to him so he could get some help. Not someone else to be angry with him.  

After taking some deep breaths, Aaron managed to calm himself down. Vic was wiping at her eyes again after her distressed ranting.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know I’m not helping. I just…I don’t know what to do.”

“Right now, I think the only thing we can do is be there for him,” Aaron told her. “We didn’t notice that he needed us before, but now we know. Now we can support him and help him get through this. But we need to focus on him. Forget what we’re going to do about Ian for now. All we need to focus on is Robert.”

Chapter Text

The dark cloud of what had happened to him seemed to hang over Robert permanently. It wasn’t that he made a fuss or complained or even mentioned what Ian had done, but he just wasn’t himself - that much was obvious - and that was what worried Aaron the most. He’d seen Robert bounce back from things over and over again. He’d seen him pick himself up and start again, but it was different this time - Robert was different.

Robert had once said that he always had to be strong, that he had to be there for everyone else, and Aaron knew that was true. He knew that Robert held everything together even when he was heart-broken and struggling. He was so good at hiding how he was hurting. And he was still doing it even now he’d finally told them the truth. But the way he was toughing it out was different: he wasn’t putting on a cocky front or pretending to be fine like he always had before. He was quiet and seemed lost in his own head whenever Aaron went to check on him. He seemed so far away even though he was sitting right there in front of Aaron.

Aaron knew it was some sort of defence against what had happened, that it was Robert’s way of trying to deal with everything, that he would rather keep his hurt locked inside his own head than put it on anyone else, but he also knew that eventually something was going to give and Robert would have to face the fact that Ian had abused him emotionally and physically for months. Something like that couldn’t stay bottled up forever. Aaron knew that from first-hand experience. 

It had only been a couple of days since Robert had turned up at The Mill. He’d stayed despite his initial arguments that he should go: he didn’t want to be a burden; he didn’t want to get in the way; there wasn’t any room for him there. Aaron hadn’t forced him, but he’d told him firmly that he was welcome to stay for as long as he needed to and that he’d really like it if he did because that’s what friends were for. Robert had looked unsure and taken a long time to accept the offer, but finally he had. Things were a little cramped and there had been a horribly awkward moment when Gerry had put his foot in it, as usual, and asked who Robert had been ‘annoying this time’ when he saw his battered face. To Aaron’s surprise, although he supposed he shouldn’t have been, Robert hadn’t been upset by the comment: he’d merely told Gerry that he’d got on the wrong side of someone and wanted to forget about it. Obviously, Gerry had accepted the explanation without question - why wouldn’t he? - before turning back to the television, but Liv had caught Aaron’s eye and it was obvious that she had figured out what had happened. She’d looked shocked and worried and like everything was falling into place, and Aaron knew that he’d have to speak to her later. Without even asking, he knew that she’d be putting two and two together in her head and the last thing he wanted was her feeling guilty that she hadn’t realised what was going on. He was feeling bad enough for not noticing - it wasn’t her responsibility.

The seemingly easy response of wanting to ‘forget about it’ that Robert had given to Gerry was troubling Aaron. He knew it wouldn’t be that easy, no matter what Robert was trying to convince himself to believe. Maybe he really did believe that he could just forget what Ian had done, had been doing to him for months, and move on, but Aaron knew that it wouldn’t be that simple. He didn’t push: he knew that all he could do was be there for Robert and, when the time came that he actually did accept what had happened, he would help him deal with the pain all over again.  

The morning after his birthday Aaron had tried to convince Robert to go to the police and tell them what Ian had done, but he’d completely refused, shutting down the conversation almost immediately. He hadn’t been able to meet Aaron’s eyes as he’d said he just wanted to forget about it (the same words he would use to answer Gerry later that day) and Aaron had almost been able to see the self-loathing and shame on Robert’s face as he’d ducked his head.

Not wanting to pressurise Robert, knowing that he needed to feel safe and not under attack, Aaron had decided to leave the issue of the police - for now. He wanted to support Robert however he could, but he still didn’t like the idea of letting Ian get away with what he’d done. And he couldn’t stand the way Robert seemed to want to hide away from everything - it just wasn’t Robert. But the current situation wasn’t about how Aaron felt: he knew that. He knew that he needed to be patient and do what was best for Robert - he couldn’t rush him and he wouldn’t dream of forcing him to do something, especially after what he’d been through.

During the first few days since Robert had left, Ian had tried contacting him several times. He had called his mobile and Aaron had watched as Robert flinched at the sound of his phone ringing and then simply ignored the calls. Eventually, Aaron had had enough and picked the phone up from the coffee table when it started ringing yet again and, with a small nod from Robert, he’d answered the call and told Ian to ‘fuck off’ before he’d even managed to get a word out. He’d made it clear in no uncertain terms that if he tried contacting Robert again there’d be trouble and Ian had promptly hung up. He hadn’t called again.  

Things were quiet after that. Quiet because there was no more contact from Ian and quiet because Robert seemed to creep around the flat like a ghost. The almost uncomfortable sense of quiet seemed to have affected everyone and even Liv and Gerry didn’t bang about round the house like they previously had. The sense that something was very wrong seemed to have sunk into the atmosphere around them.

Vic came over every day to see Robert and it was obvious that he was trying to be ‘normal’ around her, but he was missing the mark every time. The smile was fake, the comments falsely positive. And Robert seemed like a shell of who he’d once been.

 Aaron didn’t know how long things could go on like they were. He knew it was early days - it hadn’t even been a week since Robert had turned up on his doorstep - but he hated seeing Robert struggling so much. He desperately wanted him to regain his confidence, but he knew that in reality Robert had to face up to what had happened before he could move on. 

***

Days dragged by. Robert hadn’t left The Mill, but hadn’t protested when Aaron had told him that he had to go back to work. He’d smiled one of his false smiles and told Aaron that he’d be fine.

The first day that Aaron had gone up to the scrapyard, he’d been restless and unable to focus, worrying about Robert and what he was doing. Would he be alright all day on his own? He’d had to remind himself that he was only a phone call away and Robert, despite the fact that he was struggling at the moment, was a grown man who did actually know how to look after himself without constant supervision. That hadn’t stopped him rushing home slightly earlier than normal to make sure Robert was alright.

Adam knew what had happened with Ian. Vic hadn’t been able to keep something so massive from her husband and there was no way he wouldn’t have noticed how upset she was.  And Aaron was grateful that his best friend understood because at least he had someone else to talk to about what was going on. He needed to vent somehow. Being up at the scrapyard gave him the perfect opportunity to work out some of his frustrations anyway and having Adam there to talk to was a much needed relief.

Nearly two weeks had passed since Robert had come to stay at The Mill. Liv and Gerry had both made themselves scarce and Aaron couldn’t blame them. Being at the flat was hard-going with everyone feeling like they were walking on eggshells. Robert seemed to be keeping himself to himself as much as possible and Aaron knew that he’d be gutted if he knew how they were all treading so carefully around him, but that didn’t change the fact that they were.

Liv was so obviously trying to be normal around Robert but she couldn’t bring herself to continue their playful banter. Even Gerry, for all of his dopiness, had picked up on the fact that something was going on and had become quieter while he was in the house. And Aaron…he was trying so hard. He was trying to coax Robert into talking, trying to take his time, trying to just be there for him, but he had no idea if he was doing the right thing or if he was helping at all.

He almost wanted Robert to start screaming and shouting about how awful everything was and how he didn’t know what to do and how he was angry and hurt and crushed, because he thought that that would be better than this hollow, quiet behaviour. He knew that when he’d been through his own trauma and revealed his own terrible secrets about Gordon, he’d been angry and he’d cried and he’d lashed out at people and pushed them away. And he knew that there was no ‘right’ way to deal with suffering, but at least he’d shown some reaction. Apart from the few tears that Aaron had seen in Robert’s eyes when he’d first patched him up when he’d arrived at the flat and the obvious panic that he’d displayed about the prospect of contacting the police, there had been very little emotional reaction from Robert. It was like he was holding together a carefully crafted façade of being ‘fine’. And maybe he thought that if he held onto that for long enough, he could convince himself that he actually was fine, that he could forget what had happened like he so desperately seemed to want to. The problem was that Aaron knew that it wouldn’t take much for a crack to develop in the quiet armour that Robert had wrapped around himself. He knew that something might happen when they least expected it that would send Robert into a spiral of fear and pain. He knew that once there was a crack, Robert would splinter entirely.

Robert was in the kitchen finishing the washing up. He was doing his best to not think. That had become a challenge for him over the last few weeks. If he wasn’t occupied with anything else, he found his thoughts wandering to Ian and what had happened. In his head, he found himself back at Ian’s house, trapped and scared and so alone. He heard Ian’s words on a loop in his head, telling him how useless he was, what a waste of space, what a disappointment to everyone that knew him. That was why he insisted on washing up by hand instead of using the dishwasher so it kept him busier for longer. He knew Aaron thought it was weird and he’d tried to convince him just to stick it all in the machine, but Robert liked doing the job and he needed to keep himself busy. He hadn’t told Aaron his reasoning behind it because he didn’t want to burden Aaron any further and he didn’t want that pitying, soft look to appear on Aaron’s face as he listened to him.

He just needed to keep busy and keep his mind away from a dangerous path that would only lead to trouble. He knew what happened when he let himself get trapped in thoughts of Ian and his abuse.

It had happened when Aaron had been back at work for a few days. The house had been silent with Aaron and Gerry up at the scrapyard and Liv at school, and Robert had been left to his own devices. It had been fine at first, crappy daytime television or one of Aaron’s magazines had been enough to keep him occupied, but then he’d started wondering what they’d all think if they came home to find him sitting on the sofa. What would Ian have said if he’d found Robert lazing about doing nothing all day? And then his phone had started to ring and suddenly he’d thought ‘what if it it’s Ian?’ What if he was ringing to check up on Robert and find out what he’d been doing all day? The fear of answering the call and admitting that he’d been doing nothing sent him jumping up from the sofa and staggering backwards away from the phone that was still angrily vibrating on the coffee table. He’d stumbled over something, maybe just his own feet in his haste to get away, and found himself tearing up the stairs and into Aaron’s bedroom before he’d slammed into the en-suite and locked the door behind him.

He had no idea how long he’d sat on the floor of the bathroom with his back pressed against the door. He’d fought against his own mind as he’d tried to calm himself down and remind himself that Ian wasn’t there, he wouldn’t be there, and no-one was going to bother about what he had or hadn’t done. Finally he’d moved when the coldness from sitting on the floor had seeped into his bones and started to remind him of waking up in the bathroom after Ian had attacked him.

“You’ve got to get a grip,” he’d told himself angrily as he’d cautiously unlocked the door with a shaking hand. “They might not care that you’ve been lazy all day, but they aren’t going to want you around if you keep acting like this. Stop being so pathetic.”

When he’d finally gone back downstairs, he’d checked his phone (a feeling of dread filling him as he’d looked at it) only to see that the call had been from Aaron. Anger at his own stupidity and ridiculous behaviour had coursed through him. And when Aaron got home that evening, Robert had apologised and told him he’d been asleep when he’d called.

Since then, he’d tried to keep as busy as possible without actually leaving the house. The bruises on his face and neck had started to fade into a greenish-yellow, a stark contrast from the shocking dark purple they had been, but Robert still didn’t want to go out and risk someone seeing him and asking what had happened. He’d asked Aaron to bring him some files and paperwork from the office and at least he’d managed to keep on top of a few bits alongside keeping himself busy so his thoughts didn’t stray to unwanted memories.

After he’d finished the last of the pots, he dried his hands and decided he might as well start drying up too. Aaron was upstairs having a shower, Liv and Gerry were both out, so there was no-one around to focus on. He’d always hated jobs like this when he was a kid having to do chores, but now he found it oddly relaxing. That was until the glass he picked up slipped out of his hand and fell to the floor, smashing completely and shattering the silence of the flat. Panic flooded over Robert, his heart rate rising as he stared at the pieces of glass all over the floor. ‘No, no, no,’ he repeated in his head. His hands were shaking as he fell to his knees to start gathering up the glass, paying no attention to the fact that he was picking up broken shards with his bare hands. He just had to get it cleared away: he had to do it before he saw what had happened.

Heavy footsteps thudding down the spiral staircase caused Robert’s breathing to quicken.

“Robert?” He heard his name called and he knew - he just knew - what was coming.  

“What happened?” The voice was closer now and Robert still desperately scrabbled for the glass.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t look up from his task, not wanting to see the fist that was surely going to come flying towards him at any moment. There was no point asking for forgiveness - it had never worked before - and he deserved whatever was coming anyway. But maybe if he just tried his best to sort out the mess he’d made, it wouldn’t be so bad.

“Robert, stop! You’re bleeding.” But that was a trick because no-one cared even if he was bleeding - he couldn’t stop clearing up now. The voice sounded urgent and then a movement from the side caught his attention. A hand coming towards him and he flinched.

“Rob, please.” The voice almost sounded sad now, but that wasn’t right. Anger was what he expected - what he deserved.  

Another movement beside him jolted him into action. He knew it wouldn’t help, but maybe if he moved away, it would stop what was coming. He dropped the piece of glass he was holding, not even noticing how it shattered as it hit the floor - it didn’t matter: he’d already made such a mess - and scrambled into the corner of the kitchen, pressing his back against the kitchen cabinets. Drawing his knees up and wrapping his hands around his head, he waited.

Nothing happened for what felt like an eternity. Sitting there on the floor shaking, Robert wondered if this was some new torment that Ian had concocted. Make him wait for his punishment, make him think that maybe this time it would be alright and then when he lifted his head…He shuddered at the thought of it.

Eventually, he heard a quiet voice calling to him from across the kitchen. “Robert? Can you hear me?”

Maybe if he tried to apologise it would be alright. Maybe he was being given a chance and if he didn’t take it now Ian would think he was being ungrateful. Surely it was worth a try. “I’m sorry,” he murmured into his arms. “It was an accident and I tried to clear up. I’m sorry.”

There was the sound of someone sniffing from somewhere nearby. “It’s alright, Rob. I don’t care about the glass. It was an accident and it’s alright. I’m not angry, I promise.”

Suddenly, Robert realised that Ian sounded different. He didn’t sound like Ian at all. He sounded like Aaron. And Aaron was using the soft voice that he used on those precious, rare occasions - the voice that Robert loved because it made him feel loved.  

Slowly, scared that it might be his mind playing a cruel trick on him, he lifted his head from where it had been buried in his arms. He glanced across the kitchen to see Aaron sitting on the floor, mirroring his own position, watching him with wide, wet eyes. When they made eye contact, Aaron smiled a soft, tiny smile at him.

Immediately, Robert felt tears burning his eyes and he was powerless to stop them spilling down his cheeks. He’d held them back so many times over the last few weeks, not wanting anyone to see him breaking down, but he couldn’t do it anymore. He was broken.

He raised his hands to wipe at his face and heard Aaron gasp in horror before the sting of pain in his hands registered and he looked down to see his bleeding skin and only then did he realise that he must have smeared blood all over his face. ‘What a mess I must look,’ he thought in despair. ‘What a mess I am.’  

“You’re not a mess,” Aaron told him gently but firmly, and Robert realised he’d said it out loud. “You’ve been through so much and you’ve been holding it together. Everything was bound to catch up with you eventually.”

Aaron’s words seemed to trigger more tears and, not for the first time, Robert cursed himself for being so pathetic. He buried his face in his arms again and sobbed bitterly.

Patiently, Aaron sat on the floor across from him and waited. After seeing Robert flinch away from him and then cower in fear as he’d moved to try to help him, he hardly dared breathe too loudly for fear of scaring him again. The idea that Robert thought he might hurt him like that broke his heart, but he realised it wasn’t him that Robert was afraid of.

They didn’t move for a long time. Aaron wasn’t going to rush Robert and as painful as it was to watch Robert breaking down in front of him, he knew that it was a necessary evil. Robert needed to confront what had happened to him before he could move on and this was hopefully the first step.

Eventually, Robert lifted his head again. He had dried blood on his face and tears streaked down his cheeks, but he actually managed to give Aaron a watery little smile. It came so randomly out of the blue that Aaron didn’t know how to react. Slowly, wanting Robert to have the chance to tell him to back off if he wanted to, he shuffled across the floor and leaned against the same cupboard as Robert.

“You can say no,” he said quietly, “but can I give you a hug?”

Robert didn’t speak. He just shuffled closer and leaned into Aaron who immediately lifted him arm so that Robert could press in against his side. He wrapped his arm around Robert’s shoulders and drew him close. They both sighed in contentment at the same moment and for the first time in ages Robert felt safe and like maybe he was going to be alright.

They stayed where they were for a long time, neither of them speaking, until eventually Aaron glanced down and saw that Robert’s hand was still slowly oozing blood from the cuts on his palm.

“Why don’t you go and sit on the sofa while I make us a brew? Then I’ll have a look at your hand.”

Robert nodded and reluctantly pulled himself out of Aaron’s embrace before silently shuffling through to the living room. He got a little lost in his head again and before he knew it, Aaron was sitting next to him on the sofa, placing two mugs of tea on the coffee table and pulling the first aid kit from where he’d clamped it under his arm.

Silently, Robert offered him his hand and, with the utmost care and the gentlest of touches, Aaron cleaned up the cuts and fiddled about with plasters and bandages until Robert’s hands were tidied up. Aaron had handed him a wipe and he’d cleared some of the blood from his face, but it was hard seeing as he couldn’t see where all of it was. Neither of them had spoken a word the whole time and they hadn’t made eye contact. But Robert had found himself looking at the earnest, careful expression on Aaron’s face as he worked and the way his hands moved. He knew he loved Aaron - he’d never stopped - but yet again there was something that had got in the way of them being together.

Before he could allow himself to start reminiscing about their past and what could have been, Aaron finished up and let go of his hand so he could pack all of the first aid supplies away. Robert felt the loss of the contact deep in his heart. He watched as Aaron tidied up and suddenly felt such aching sadness. Whatever they’d had, whatever they’d been to one another, was gone now. Aaron would never look at him in the same way again now - not after all of this. Surely now he’d seen how weak and pathetic Robert really was. And anyway, wasn’t that part of the reason why Ian had been so enraged with him - Robert had never really got over Aaron and his pathetic pining must have been written all over his face. No wonder Ian was jealous, no wonder he’d been so furious - Robert had driven him to it. He blew out a long shuddery breath and he felt more tears welling in his eyes. He had to stop this behaviour.

Scrubbing at his eyes in frustration, he pushed himself up from the sofa.

“Robert?” Aaron called out to him: the confusion and concern was obvious in his tone and Robert hated himself for being like this and causing more trouble.

“Sorry,” he said bluntly. “I need…I need to just get a grip. I can’t keep doing this. I shouldn’t have got so worked up before and I shouldn’t keep putting all of this on you. You must think I’m such an idiot.”

“God, Robert, of course I don’t,” Aaron said as he shook his head in denial. “You’ve been through hell.”

“Hardly,” Robert snapped. He couldn’t seem to control his emotions at the moment and this was why he’d so desperately been trying to keep everything locked up in his head. Biting Aaron’s head off wasn’t going to help.  “And anyway, it’s not like I didn’t have it coming.”

He wasn’t expecting the harsh intake of breath from Aaron at the words and he fell silent.

“How can you say that?” Aaron asked. He had tears in his eyes again and Robert really wanted to stop being the reason for them. “What he did to you was horrific. You didn’t deserve it - any of it. You have to believe me.”

Robert shook his head. “I’m a fucking mess, Aaron!” he exclaimed. “I cause nothing but grief to people that I’m supposed to care about. I mess everything up. Even when I’ve got everything I want, I still manage to find a way to ruin it. I’m weak and useless and everyone else can see it, even if you refuse to accept it. You’re too good to me - you always were. And look what I did to us. I know I’m a disappointment and Ian knew it too - who can blame him for getting sick of me?”

Aaron was doing his best not to react angrily to the words. It wasn’t Robert he was furious with - it was Ian. Ian had planted so many of these feelings of self-hatred and self-doubt in Robert’s head and Robert actually seemed to believe them. They’d probably been battered into him repeatedly over so many months that Robert couldn’t see how wrong it was. He forced himself to stay calm and stay seated on the sofa while Robert paced on the opposite side of the room like a caged animal. As much as this was painful to hear, and he hated listening to Robert talk about himself like this, he knew that Robert needed to vent some of what had been going round in his head. And Aaron needed to hear what Ian had tormented Robert with over the months so he knew exactly what they were dealing with. It was painful, but he hoped that it was progress.    

“None of what you’re saying is true, Robert,” he said as calmly as he could manage. At Robert’s disbelieving expression, he continued. “You might think it is because he’s told you so many times that you think he’s right, but he was so wrong. He said all of that stuff to control you - he wanted to manipulate you and make you feel worthless. But everything he’s said to you - all the cruel things - they were all lies.”

Pausing for a moment, Robert looked at him steadily. It was like he was trying to figure out whether Aaron was telling him the truth and Aaron maintained the eye contact, hardly daring to blink in case Robert took it as a sign that he was lying.

“I don’t…I don’t know why you bother with me,” he eventually said, so quietly that Aaron would have missed it if he hadn’t been sitting silently waiting for something.

“Because I care about you,” Aaron immediately told him.

“I don’t know why,” Robert retorted, his voice louder again. He was angry, but not at Aaron. He was angry with himself for feeling so confused. For letting this happen. For thinking that he had any right to be upset. For thinking he could expect help from Aaron. He didn’t deserve help.

Part of him couldn’t understand how he’d got into such a mess, but he was pretty sure that he must be to blame. Isn’t that what Ian had told him over and over? Everything that went wrong was because of him. And Aaron was bound to see that sooner or later. Ian had told him that no-one cared. He’d repeatedly said he didn’t know why he bothered with Robert. Then Robert remembered that Aaron had said the exact same thing to him not so long ago at the portacabin - that memory hurt almost more than anything that Ian had said or done to him. And once it was in his head, he couldn’t let it go. It joined with all of the hurtful things he’d had yelled at him and spitefully snarled into his ear and played over and over in his mind. 

“He said I deserved it. Every time he hurt me was because I’d done something wrong and he was right. I did deserve it.”

Shaking his head in protest, Aaron tried to interrupt, but Robert wouldn’t be stopped now - he couldn’t stop now he was talking.

“He was right. He punched me and kicked me and knocked me onto the floor so many times. He told me how pathetic I was constantly. He wrapped his hands around my throat and screamed at me that it was my fault and that I was worthless and I deserved it. I thought he was going to kill me! And I let him do it because he was right. I did deserve it. This is what you get when you live a life like I have. I’ve purposefully hurt people with the things I’ve done: I’ve been cruel and selfish and I’ve schemed and cheated and lied. There’s no wonder he didn’t trust me - look at my track record. And at some point all of that was going to catch up with me and someone was going to have to sort me out once and for all. It’s not like no-one’s ever tried before, right?” He laughed bitterly to himself, completely oblivious to Aaron’s stricken expression as he stared at Robert in horror as he ranted and every feeling of self-loathing and hatred spilled out of him inspired by Ian’s poisonous attacks. “I mean, my dad obviously tried but I guess leathering me and kicking me out just didn’t cut it. And then all of that with Andy - I drove him so far he tried to have me killed! What kind of person does that make me? Everything with the Whites was a disaster and look at how many people got hurt because of that. And even you,” his words suddenly became quieter, the wild energy of his ranting seemed to drain away as he looked sadly at Aaron for a moment. “I thought I had it all…I did have it all and look at what I did to us. I destroyed us and drove you to self-harm again. I don’t blame you for ending it. I don’t blame you for any of it: it was all me.” His voice was suddenly louder again, the words tumbling out of him. “I betrayed you and I let you down.  I hurt you and I made you so angry. And I deserved everything that happened. I don’t know how you put up with me for as long as you did. You should’ve thrown that wrench at my head a long time before you did and saved yourself a lot of heartache…”

“Stop!” Aaron suddenly yelled as he pushed himself up from the sofa.

Robert stumbled backwards, pressing himself against the wall, his eyes wide as he stared at Aaron. His whole body was trembling and his eyes darted towards the front door feeling the urge to run bubbling inside him.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said quietly, his hands held outwards, palms up to Robert, showing he meant him no harm. “I didn’t mean to shout. I’m not going to hurt you, Robert - I swear. I just…I couldn’t listen to you saying all of that anymore.”

Slowly, Robert’s body relaxed from his tense stance and he nodded once. “I know…I know you won’t hurt me.” Even if I deserve it, flashed through his mind, but he didn’t say it out loud because he didn’t want to upset Aaron anymore. He could already see the desperate sadness on his face.        

Aaron sank back down onto the sofa. He looked exhausted all of a sudden and Robert felt terribly guilty but he didn’t say anything - he knew Aaron wouldn’t accept his apologies.

Sighing heavily and running a hand over his face, Aaron looked up at where Robert was still standing by the wall. “I know it’s going to take a lot for you to believe me,” he said. “That’s not surprising after everything that’s happened, but I promise you, I’m telling you the truth. You didn’t deserve the things he said and did to you. It wasn’t your fault. He’s picked away at you for so long that you think he’s right, but he’s not. He’s used things from your past against you, things that have affected you and already made you doubt yourself, and he’s twisted them into something so much worse and made you hate yourself. He’s stripped your confidence away because that’s how he could control you. And I can’t stand hearing you saying all of that about yourself. You keep saying you deserve what happened to you, but that’s so wrong. You deserve to know how loved you are and how much you mean to people. You’ve got all of the mistakes you’ve made running round in your head but you aren’t remembering any of the amazing things you’ve done.

“We had our fights, Robert, and we’ve both made mistakes, but I’ve never been happier than I was with you. And you weren’t the only one responsible for us breaking up - we both messed up. I won’t let you take all of the blame. You did so much for me and I’ll never be able to really make you see how much you changed my life, how you saved my life - more than once.”

Gradually, Robert had wandered closer while Aaron was talking and he eventually sat down on the sofa next to him. They weren’t touching but Aaron hoped that it was a good sign that Robert wanted to be near him.

Taking a deep breath, Aaron continued. “And I want to apologise to you. I’m so sorry for the things I’ve done in the past. I’ve hurt you…” he swallowed thickly before he could carry on, “Even though I was furious with you, there was no excuse for throwing that wrench at you that day. When I look back on it now…” He blew out a shuddery breath. “I can’t believe I did that and I’m so sorry.”

Robert reached out and took his hand, squeezing tightly. “I’m sorry I brought it up. I didn’t want to upset you. We’ve both hurt each other in the past and I’m sorry too.”

Shaking his head slightly, Aaron said, “We’ve both made mistakes but I shouldn’t have lost control like that. It makes me sick to think that I’ve hurt you. I shouldn’t have…”

“Aaron,” Robert interrupted him. “You’re nothing like Ian,” he said simply.    

They looked at one another for a long moment. It felt like they’d suddenly made a massive leap of progress. For the first time since Robert had arrived on his doorstep, Aaron actually felt some hope that eventually he’d be alright.

And for the first time since Robert had left Ian, he actually felt like he might be able to move on. There was a long way to go, he knew things weren’t just going to be alright overnight, but he felt lighter than he had in months. Thanks to Aaron, for the first time, he was also beginning to realise that maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t deserved what Ian had done to him.

He stared at where his hand was still holding onto Aaron’s and let out a long breath. “I think…I think that maybe I need to speak to the police,” he said quietly, before he looked up at Aaron’s face again, silently asking for his support.

Aaron didn’t speak; he just squeezed Robert’s hand tightly and nodded, thankful that Robert had finally come to the right decision on his own terms. He knew that whatever lay ahead, he’d be there to help Robert however he could.

Chapter Text

“I’ll get you a pint,” Aaron called over his shoulder as he headed into the pub.

Robert nodded and waved his hand in acknowledgment before setting off at a brisk walk back to The Mill. They’d headed back down from the scrapyard for a late lunch and he’d realised he’d forgotten his wallet so needed to grab it despite Aaron’s protests that he’d get their lunch. He wasn’t about to let Aaron pay for his lunch - he’d done enough for him lately.

It had been nearly five weeks since Robert had turned up at Aaron’s flat after he’d left Ian and it had been one of the most difficult times in his life. There had been moments when he’d wanted to just curl into a ball and never move again: the shame and self-loathing almost crippling him. But somehow he’d managed to start functioning again: he was back at work, he felt confident that he could leave the house, and wasn’t flinching at every loud sound or sudden movement that someone made. So much progress had been made in mere weeks. And he knew he had a few people to thank for it, but especially Aaron.

He wouldn’t say that he was ‘fine’ or ‘back to normal’ but he was so much better than he had been. The initial days after he’d left Ian had been terrible. He couldn’t even remember a lot of what had happened: he’d been like a zombie. He’d felt trapped in his own head, wanting to scream but not wanting to let it out because then everyone would know what a failure he was - again. Somehow Aaron had managed to make him see that it wasn’t that he was pathetic or useless or a disappointment. He’d got him to open up and talk about what had happened to him, confront the things he’d suffered and start to accept that it was Ian who was in the wrong, not him.

There were still moments of terrifying self-doubt when Robert wanted to hide away from everything and everyone because if he did that then no-one would see him for the disaster he truly was. But when he wobbled like that, Aaron seemed to have some sort of sixth sense that kicked in and he helped, whether that was by talking or listening or just letting Robert know that someone cared about him. It was ‘early days’, Aaron kept reminding him. He had made massive progress and was showing how strong he really was by dealing with everything like he had so far according to Aaron, and his reassuring words were doing wonders in reminding Robert that he was actually coping remarkably well and he would eventually be alright.

Victoria and Liv, and even Gerry, had all helped to make him feel better about himself. Vic was a constant caring presence who always told him she loved him. Liv was doing her best to treat him normally, including pestering him to help her with her maths homework. And Gerry’s ridiculous, often unintentional, humour put Robert completely at ease. But it was Aaron who had to take the most credit for helping Robert - not that he would ever have accepted any such praise.

He’d spent a lot of time reminding Robert about all of the amazing things he’d done for other people. Every time Robert was hard on himself or shared yet another horrible thing that had happened to him at Ian’s hands, Aaron was quick to tell him something positive. Slowly but surely, Robert was beginning to accept that maybe Ian had been wrong; maybe Ian had been manipulative and Robert didn’t deserve to be treated like that. It was a slow journey towards fully believing that, but he was getting there.

Being out and about in the village had been tough at first. So many people had asked him about Ian, because clearly the other man had made such an impression and everyone seemed so enamoured with him, and Robert had cringed and flinched and felt his heart-rate picking up every time someone had mentioned his name. But he’d managed to hold it together, no matter how much he’d wanted to run away, and tell them that he and Ian had split up and, no, they wouldn’t be able to ‘sort things out and try again’.

He’d walked into the café with Aaron one afternoon to find Brenda and Pearl gossiping and bemoaning the loss of ‘handsome Ian’ and wondering what Robert had done to ‘ruin things with his latest love-interest’ and Robert had sucked in a sharp breath at the words, feeling his heart plummeting to his stomach. Everything that Ian had beaten into him over the months had immediately come roaring back to the front of his mind and he’d questioned himself and blamed himself all over again. Everyone knew he was to blame when everything went wrong. Of course Ian needed to remind him of what he was worth.

Aaron had been furious at the two women and only Robert’s obvious distress had stopped him from losing his shit and yelling at them in the café. He did tell them in no uncertain terms that Robert wasn’t responsible for what had happened and it turned out that Ian wasn’t such a nice bloke after all, and then he’d guided Robert back to the flat and spent the rest of the afternoon reminding him that he wasn’t to blame and hadn’t deserved any of what Ian had said and done to him.

When he reached the flat, Robert quickly located his wallet and headed back towards the pub. It seemed like he was spending most of his time with Aaron lately, but he still didn’t want to waste any of it.

As he reached the end of the drive, his heart seemed to stutter in his chest and he stumbled to a halt when he saw who was standing in the street watching him. Ian was staring at him from where he was standing next to his car which was haphazardly parked at the side of the road.

“Hello, Robert,” he said casually, like they were friends who’d bumped into one another. He stepped away from his car and moved a few paces towards Robert who was watching him with wide eyes. “How have you been? It seems like ages since I saw you.”            

Robert couldn’t quite wrap his head around what was happening. Ian was standing in front of him, talking to him like nothing had happened between them, like he hadn’t beaten Robert up the last time they’d been together, like he hadn’t been abusing him for months before that.

“I’ve missed you,” Ian continued. “It’s not been the same at home without you.”

‘Home’ - Robert heard the word and wanted to scoff at what a stupid thing it was to say. That house hadn’t been Robert’s home: it had been his prison. He didn’t dare laugh at Ian though. He could feel his hands trembling and he curled them into fists to try to stop them. He didn’t want to be afraid, but he was.

“Haven’t you got anything to say?” Ian asked, and he sounded so pleasant. There was almost a hint of laughter in his tone and it made Robert’s skin crawl.

Swallowing thickly, Robert willed his voice to be steady before he spoke. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to see you, obviously. I thought we should have a little chat.” Again he sounded almost jolly, like he genuinely thought that everything was fine between them and they’d parted amicably. He took another step towards Robert and Robert took one backwards.

“What’s wrong?” Ian asked. There was a snide smile tugging at his mouth and Robert hated him in that moment. He’d turned up here out of the blue, after Robert had spent the last few weeks trying to move on from what had happened, clearly knowing that his arrival would cause him problems, but also obviously getting a kick out of Robert’s reaction.

Ian raised an eyebrow at him and sighed heavily like Robert was a child that had disappointed him with his behaviour. “You know, if anybody should be annoyed at the moment, it’s me. I’ve been suspended from work because of you.”

Robert’s eyes widened even further at his statement and he quickly glanced up the street hoping desperately that someone would be around. It just had to be his luck that on the one day that he actually wanted one of the nosey villagers to be pottering around, there was no-one in sight. Not wanting to risk taking his eyes off Ian for long, he looked back at him to find him still watching him with the same expression on his face.

“I think you should go,” Robert forced out.

“Go?” Ian repeated. “I’m not going anywhere. We need to talk: we need to sort this out.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Robert replied.

“Of course there is. You just left me without even explaining: I think I at least deserve for you to talk to me now,” Ian continued, like it made perfect sense that they should be standing there having a conversation; like he truly believed that Robert owed him that much.

Robert just gaped at him, struggling to find the words to respond to what he’d just heard. “You know why I left,” he finally managed to say. “I don’t want to talk to you - just leave me alone.”

Ian suddenly took a step towards him, the pleasant mask that had been on his face slipping slightly as he got closer. That simple action and the sight of Ian’s dark eyes staring at him with barely concealed anger, made Robert completely freeze. In his mind, he was transported back to all the times that Ian had hurt or threatened him and he couldn’t move.

“I really don’t know why you’re being like this, Robert. I don’t know where it all went wrong for us.” He paused for a moment and looked like he was thinking and then continued, “Actually, I do: it was your fault because you never gave us a chance to be happy together.”

All the reassurances that Aaron had given him suddenly came into Robert’s head. They made him feel stronger - brave enough to stand up to Ian. “It wasn’t my fault. You treated me horrendously: that’s why I left. It was because of you,” he replied.

Ian didn’t even seem to have registered that he’d spoken. “You let me down and then walked away as soon as things got tough. I should’ve known that you’d disappoint me, but I tried so hard to make it work between us. And now you’ve gone to the police with some sob-story about what I supposedly did to you. Do you really think they’re going to believe you? Do you think you’ll actually be able to see this through? Because I know you, remember? I know what you’re like. These charges will never stick.”

Doubt flashed through Robert’s mind. He felt his resolve crumble a little. He’d been reassured by Aaron and Vic and Adam that he was doing the right thing, that he couldn’t let Ian get away with what he’d done, that the police would help him and believe him, but maybe they were wrong. What if they saw through him and realised that it had all been his fault? That Ian had only treated him like that because he deserved it.

No, a voice in his head (that sounded a lot like Aaron) protested, you didn’t deserve it - he’s wrong.

“You need to leave,” he managed to say, but he knew he didn’t sound as firm as he wanted to.

Ian sighed, he almost sounded sad, and took another step towards Robert and this time he didn’t back away.

“Look, I know things weren’t perfect between us, but I love you, Robert. Please. Just come home with me and we can sort everything out. You can tell the police that you want to drop the charges and I’ll forgive you for all of this. I just miss you so much.”  

Everything was such a mess in Robert’s head. He was scared of Ian, but he sounded so reasonable, so genuine. What if he was right all along? Robert’s thoughts flipped wildly between telling him that it wasn’t his fault, that Ian shouldn’t have treated him like that, that he deserved better, and then the complete opposite as he heard Ian’s words in his memory telling him he was to blame, that he deserved everything he got, that no-one wanted him around like he did.

What if this was his only chance to be with someone who would actually be able to put up with him?

For a fleeting moment, the thought struck him that maybe he should go back to Ian. Maybe it wasn’t too late and he’d already said he’d forgive him for leaving. But then something in his head screamed at him that that was ridiculous, that going back to Ian would be the same as walking out onto a busy motorway, closing his eyes and hoping nothing ran him over. He took a moment to look into Ian’s eyes and he realised that beneath the gentle words there was an undercurrent of anger and frustration straining to be released. A shudder passed through him at the thought that if he went back to Ian, he’d end up dead.

“No,” he said and for the first time he felt truly confident. “I’m not coming back to you and I’m not going to drop the charges. You abused me for months. You told me I deserved everything you did to me but you were so wrong. And now it’s you who deserves what’s coming to you.”

Ian’s face clouded over. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. He looked at Robert like something he’d stepped in and he took a step towards him.

***

Aaron had ordered their drinks, sat down at a table and scanned the menu despite knowing he’d be ordering a burger. He flicked through his phone and chatted with his mum, but there was still no sign of Robert. It wasn’t like he needed to keep a close eye on him, or make sure the other man was alright; it was just that since everything that had happened, he wanted to be there for Robert and making sure he was okay was part of that.

Robert had made so much progress in the last few weeks, but Aaron was aware that there were still things that unsettled him or made him flinch before he could stop himself.

After his emotional breakdown about the broken glass, which had led to one of the most heart-breakingly painful conversations Aaron had ever participated in, Aaron had been amazed by Robert’s strength. He’d made the decision to contact the police to report Ian and he’d been incredibly brave throughout their questions and interviews. He’d started going out into the village again and he’d, mostly, held his head up high despite the obvious gossiping going on. There’d been one particularly unfortunate conversation that he’d overheard that had sent him spiralling into self-doubt again, but he’d found a way through it with Aaron’s help. But Aaron knew that things wouldn’t be that simple: he knew that Robert wouldn’t just be ‘over it’ as easily as that, so he was always prepared for something to upset him or make him question whether he really had deserved Ian’s abuse all over again.

So he liked to keep an eye on Robert and he had to admit that he sometimes felt a little anxious when Robert was elsewhere. He forced himself not to worry: Robert had only gone to get his wallet. He focused on his phone again until Sam’s voice interrupted him.

“I thought Robert had finished with that Ian bloke,” he said as he turned around from where he’d just arrived at the bar to speak to Aaron.

Frowning, Aaron didn’t understand the relevance of the statement. “Yeah, he has.” He didn’t like the fact that Ian had been brought up and he hoped the conversation would be over by the time Robert made his way to the pub.

“Looks like he’s come back to win him over then,” Sam remarked casually, not realising that his statement had caused Aaron’s blood to run cold.

“What are you talking about?” he said as he pushed himself up from his seat. “Where is he?”

Sam looked a bit confused by Aaron’s reaction. “Saw him down the road, not far from your house talking to Robert.”

Aaron’s eyes widened. Immediately he made his way out of the booth. “Call the police, Mum,” he ordered as he rushed towards the door.

“What?” Chas exclaimed. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t explain now, but Ian shouldn’t be anywhere near Robert. Please, Mum, just call them - now!”

As he yanked the door open, he had just enough time to glance over his shoulder to see his mum pulling her phone out of her pocket before he rushed out of the pub. He ran out onto the road and immediately looked down the street. And there they were - Ian’s slightly larger frame almost blocking his view of Robert. Taking off at a run down the street, his heartrate spiked as he watched Ian take a step towards Robert. He couldn’t even see his face but the anger was obvious in his stance.

“Oi!” he shouted. It was enough to cause Ian to spin round and glare at him. Aaron came to a halt a few metres away and returned the hate-filled stare. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” he growled. Quickly, he glanced at Robert to check he was alright. He looked a little shaken, paler than usual, but he wasn’t harmed in any way.

“It’s nothing to do with you,” Ian snapped. “Is everyone in this village nosey as fuck? You can piss off and leave us to it.”

“No chance,” Aaron replied angrily. “I know what you did to him, you bastard.”

Ian smirked at him and Aaron so badly wanted to punch him in his smug face. “It’s between me and Robert. He’s going to come with me and we’re going to forget all about this.”

“No, I told you I’m not going with you and I’m not dropping the charges.” Aaron could have cheered at hearing Robert standing up for himself, holding his own when he was probably terrified.

The smirk on Ian’s face turned into a scowl at Robert’s words and he snapped his head round to stare at him. It was the first time that Aaron had ever seen him looking like that and, in that moment, he could see the monster that had hurt Robert so badly. His face had contorted into something angry and ugly and it was awful to imagine how many times Robert had seen that face before Ian had hurt him emotionally or physically. “You’re going to regret this, Robert. I’m giving you a chance here. Stop being fucking stupid and get in the car.”

Aaron was about to speak again, but Robert beat him to it. “I’m not scared of you anymore.”

Ian narrowed his eyes at Robert. “You should be, you worthless piece of shit,” he snarled.

Aaron heard Ian’s abusive words and moved to rush forward, but Robert saw what he was about to do and rushed over to him, having to move around Ian to get there. “Don’t,” he said desperately. “Please, don’t. You’ll get into trouble if you hit him.”

There were voices and heavy footsteps approaching the scene from the direction of the pub, but Aaron couldn’t tear his eyes away from where Ian was silently challenging him. Breathing deeply through his nose, he forced himself to stay calm. If he punched Ian, he knew that it wouldn’t help Robert in any way. When Robert had turned up on his doorstep all those weeks ago, he’d promised him that he wouldn’t go after Ian and he’d known that more violence wouldn’t help the situation - he clung to that now.  

“Oh, I should’ve known you’d come running back to him,” Ian said angrily. “I always knew you were a fucking whore.”

“Hey!” Vic’s voice from behind them surprised Aaron. “Don’t you dare call him things like that!” She sounded furious and Aaron could sympathise: his own blood was roaring in his veins.

Ian looked like he was about to spit more poisonous words, but the sound of sirens interrupted the confrontation and for the first time, Ian actually looked worried.

The police car pulled up to the scene and the two officers climbed out quickly assessing the scene.

“What’s the trouble?” one of them asked.

Aaron looked up at Robert, not sure if he was going to be able to speak to explain and realising that quite an audience of various villagers from the pub had gathered. He watched as Robert drew in a deep breath.

“My ex turned up and started harassing me. I’m pressing charges against him for assault and he was trying to get me to drop the charges,” Robert said and Aaron was amazed at how calm and steady his voice sounded.

An audible ripple of shock passed through the people gathered watching on and Aaron saw Robert clenching his jaw. Despite the strong front he was showing, Aaron was close enough to feel him trembling slightly. And now his secret was well and truly out. He could only imagine what was going through Robert’s mind in those moments.

One of the officers guided Robert to one side and began asking him several questions, scribbling his answers in her notebook, while the other one approached Ian who still looked furious.

Eventually, the police came to a decision and they steered Ian towards the back of their car, informing him that he was being taken to the station for questioning about harassment and intimidation, forcing him inside when he started protesting angrily that he hadn’t done anything wrong. They slammed the door closed behind him before telling Robert that they’d like him to go to the police station in Hotten to make a formal statement. Robert nodded his understanding and thanked them for their help. Then he watched them drive off with Ian.

Robert didn’t move for a long time as he stared up the street after the car. Aaron watched him cautiously and patiently, not knowing how much the events of the afternoon were going to have affected him. He was aware of the mutterings of the people who’d witnessed and heard what had happened as they gradually started drifting back to their own business and he caught his mum giving him a look as if to say ‘we need to talk’ before she cast a sympathetic look in Robert’s direction and then followed the majority of the crowd back to the pub. Only Victoria remained. She was watching Robert with the same worried expression on her face that Aaron was sure would be on his own.

Neither of them moved towards Robert, just wanting to give him a moment, some space, to take in what had just happened. Briefly, Aaron wondered if Robert might just collapse to his knees and scream - he wouldn’t have blamed him if he had - but he realised that Robert was too strong for that.

Eventually, Robert turned to face them and Vic took that as her cue to go to him. She threw her arms around him and he wrapped his around her in return.

“Are you alright, Rob? God, you’re shaking,” she said as she pulled back slightly to look up at him.

“I’m alright,” he replied simply. He looked at Aaron then. “Can we give lunch at the pub a miss? I think I’d just like to go home for a bit.”

“Of course,” Aaron said with a nod. He could hardly believe how calm Robert sounded. It was hard to tell if this was a brave front he was putting on again, or if he was in shock and didn’t know how to react, or if he genuinely was alright. Or maybe it was a mixture of all three.

Robert disentangled himself from Vic, who was watching him with wide concerned eyes like she expected her brother to break down at any moment, and started making his way towards The Mill. Aaron cast a quick glance at Vic, gave her a nod as if to say ‘I’ll take care of him’, and then jogged a little to catch up with Robert.

They didn’t speak until they were back inside the flat, heading straight to the kitchen where Aaron immediately set about making a cup of tea (it seemed like that was his automatic response anytime that something upsetting had happened) and only then did Aaron ask if Robert was alright.

“I…yeah, I suppose I am,” Robert said with a shrug. As he leant back against the kitchen counter, he sounded and looked unsure. “At first, when he showed up and I saw him, I was…I was scared. He caught me off guard and then it just seemed like he didn’t even get it, you know? Like he didn’t understand why I’d left him. And then he started going on about how I should go back to him and he’d forgive me for getting him into trouble.”

“He’d forgive you?” Aaron asked as he shook his head in disbelief. Surely the bloke was tapped if he thought that was what needed to happen.

Robert dipped his head and Aaron immediately felt concerned. After spending so much time with Robert, starting to understand his reactions and noticing the warning signs of him struggling, he knew that that was how Robert reacted when he felt ashamed of himself and what had happened to him.

“Hey, it’s alright,” he said quietly. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“It’s so stupid…” Robert began, still looking down at the floor. “For a minute, when he was saying all that stuff, I thought that maybe…maybe I should go back to him.”

Aaron tried not to react to the words, but the fear of what might have happened, the idea that Robert might have been somehow persuaded to get into the car, that Ian might have successfully manipulated Robert into going back to him, sent a shudder through him. The image of Robert standing outside his door covered in blood and bruises flashed through his mind, followed by something even worse - the image of himself rushing over to Ian’s house only to find he was too late and Robert couldn’t be saved, as Ian stood over his broken body smirking.

Roughly, he swallowed down the lump that had formed in his throat. He wanted Robert to be able to open up to him, but he hated asking the question. “Is that what you wanted?”

Robert’s head snapped up and he shook it from side to side quickly. “Of course not,” he said desperately. “He kept saying all the things…all the stuff he used to say before and I started thinking that maybe he was right. And I started wondering if maybe he was the only one who’d put up with me despite me being so pathetic.”

Part of Aaron just wanted to grab Robert by the shoulders and shake him; tell him that he wasn’t pathetic and he was far too good for a scumbag like Ian. But he knew that, just like every time they’d had a similar conversation over the last few weeks, Robert had to come to that realisation on his own and Aaron could only support him. And besides, he’d never have laid his hands on Robert like that, regardless of how frustrated and useless he felt hearing the self-doubt Robert felt because of Ian’s words.

“But you told him you wouldn’t go with him and you told him you wouldn’t drop the charges. Why would you do that if he was right?”

Robert frowned at him for a moment.

“If you’re so pathetic, how did you manage to stand up to him like that?” Aaron continued. “No-one would’ve blamed you for breaking down in the street after what happened, but you didn’t. You were strong enough to tell him that you weren’t afraid of him and to tell the police what he’d done.”

The tension that had been in Robert’s body seemed to be gradually leaving him, his shoulders sagged a little like he wasn’t so tightly wound anymore. “But I thought about it,” he said quietly like he was admitting a shameful secret. And although he sounded ashamed, he didn’t look down again which Aaron took as a positive sign.

“Robert, you were trapped with him for so long…he obviously got into your head and he knew all the things to say to manipulate you, all the things to use against you. It’s only been a few weeks since you left him so you were bound to struggle with him just showing up like that. It doesn’t make you pathetic just because you were scared. After what he’s done to you, there’s no wonder you’re afraid of what he might do. And I think you were really brave.”

Robert looked at him a little doubtfully.

“You stood up to him,” Aaron told him simply.

Breathing out a long sigh, Robert eventually nodded slightly. “You’re right,” he agreed and suddenly he seemed to be standing taller again. “I was scared when he first turned up out of the blue, and I did think about going with him, but I knew I wouldn’t. I knew I deserved better than him.”

Aaron grinned at him. He really wanted to pull Robert into a hug to show him how amazing he thought he was but he settled for telling him instead. “I’m proud of you, you know.”

Robert had never been very good at accepting praise so it was no surprise to Aaron that he shrugged and gave a tiny shake of his head.

“I am,” he continued. “I know you don’t believe me, but I am. You’ve been so strong through all of this.”

“Need to get through the trial yet though, don’t I?” Robert murmured.

Aaron nodded. “Yeah, but what he’s done today, turning up here like that, it won’t have done him any favours.”

Robert just hummed in response.

“And you’re not on your own. You don’t have to do any of this alone,” Aaron told him softly.

Their eyes met as Aaron spoke and there was a moment when Aaron was sure that Robert was going to come to him. The pull between them was so strong. It was all Aaron wanted: to hold Robert and kiss him and show him how much he still loved him. But he knew they couldn’t go down that road. It wasn’t the right time and Robert needed a friend, not a complication. Robert was still vulnerable, as much as he’d hate being described as that, and Aaron refused to take advantage of the situation.

Tearing his eyes away from Robert’s, he cleared his throat gruffly. “We should, um, we should probably head to the police station so you can give your statement.”

Briefly, he glanced up and was sure he saw disappointment on Robert’s face, but the moment was gone and Robert was nodding his head and agreeing that they should go as he walked back towards the front door. Sighing deeply and cursing himself a little, Aaron followed him out of the flat.

***

It had been a few weeks since Ian had shown up unannounced in the village and there had been no sign of him since. The gossip mill had been in full motion as discussion of Robert and Ian’s encounter had spread and, while Robert hated it, it was almost a relief that people knew the truth - or at least some of it. He didn’t enjoy the sympathetic looks he kept getting from certain villagers, but he was also sort of grateful that people knew that, for once, he wasn’t to blame for what had happened.

That wasn’t to say that he didn’t still have moments when he doubted himself, wondered if maybe he had deserved it, but those moments were becoming less frequent as the days and weeks went by.   

Robert’s solicitor had contacted him shortly after the encounter with Ian and informed him that the incident had strengthened the case against Ian, especially as there had been witnesses to the way Ian had been so aggressive. He’d told him that a date for Ian’s plea hearing had been set and Robert could attend if he wanted to but was under no pressure. In the end, he’d decided not to go. He didn’t want to give any more of his time to Ian; he didn’t want to sit in a courtroom and listen to Ian say he hadn’t done anything wrong; he didn’t want Ian to look at him and tell him without speaking a single word that he would make him suffer for what was happening. He knew that was probably irrational, Ian couldn’t hurt him anymore, at least not in the same way, but part of him was still so wary of the man who had spent months abusing him. He knew he’d always feel like that, regardless of the outcome of the trial.

***

The day of the hearing had arrived and Robert had stuck to his decision not to attend court. Aaron had asked him several times if he was sure, but Robert had been adamant he didn’t want to go. They’d gone up to the scrapyard like it was any other day and carried on as normal, except for the worried glances that Robert could feel from Aaron every so often. He was actually relieved when a call came in for a collection and, with Adam already out on a job, Aaron had to leave the office. He’d looked like he was about to suggest forgetting all about the collection, but Robert had cut him off before he could and practically herded him out of the door, promising that he’d be fine.

It wasn’t that Robert didn’t appreciate Aaron’s concern, but his anxiousness about what might be going on in a courtroom not so far away was being amplified by Aaron’s twitchiness. A few hours alone in the office with plenty of paperwork and calls to make would keep his mind occupied.

It hadn’t been long since Aaron had left when Robert’s phone started ringing and he saw his solicitor’s number on the screen. Drawing in a deep breath, he answered the call, swallowing down the lump in his throat as he did so.

He listened carefully as his solicitor told him about the events in court, his heartrate picking up a little and his mouth flapping as he tried to formulate a response. In the end, he settled for thanking him and promising to be in touch when he felt like he could string a decent sentence together. He ended the call and immediately stood up. He grabbed his jacket and walked out of the office, only just remembering to lock up as he left. He headed to his car and slid in. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he knew he had to move so he drove out of the yard and away from the village.

***

“God, Robert, where have you been?” Aaron exclaimed as Robert wandered into the flat. He’d jumped up from the sofa and was looking Robert over as though he was expecting to find some sort of injury.

He looked at Aaron’s worried face and immediately felt guilty - not because Aaron was angry with him and wanted him to feel bad, but because he’d caused him concern. Not so long ago, Robert would have expected some sort of punishment to follow a question like that, but looking at Aaron, he knew that there was only care there.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I should’ve left a note at the yard or something. I just…I needed some space and I just…I wanted to drive around for a bit.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron said with a small smile. “I was just worried about you. I thought…I thought that maybe you’d decided to go to court or something.”

“No, but that’s why I needed to get out.” When Aaron looked at him quizzically, Robert continued. “I had a call from Greg. He told me that Ian changed his plea. He’s decided to plead guilty to the charges.”

“Oh my God,” Aaron gasped. He’d stepped closer to Robert and a look of amazement had appeared on his face.

“There won’t need to be a trial or anything…he’ll have to go for sentencing and that’s it. And Greg thinks he might get a couple of years for ABH,” Robert told him. He wasn’t sure whether he should smile or not: it was such a strange feeling. Half of him was elated at the news, while the other half was still mourning the fact that all of this had even happened to him.

“That’s amazing news,” Aaron exclaimed. “Are you alright?”

Robert huffed out a quiet little laugh; Aaron knew him so well. “I’m…happy?” he said with a shrug, “I guess. It’s weird,” he added and then he laughed again and Aaron laughed too. Suddenly Robert thought that maybe it would be alright for him to smile and then he couldn’t stop himself.

Aaron smiled back and then seemingly without thinking about it, he pulled Robert into a hug. For the first time in ages, Robert felt truly happy and safe and he wrapped his arms around Aaron in return. He pressed his face against Aaron’s shoulder and breathed him in and then the idea flashed into his head that maybe he felt happy and safe because he was with Aaron and wasn’t that who he wanted to be with? Wasn’t Aaron who he’d always wanted?

He pulled back and looked into Aaron’s eyes.

Aaron was watching him closely, still smiling slightly. “Alright?” he murmured.

Everything rational went out of Robert’s head, maybe he was being swept away on the feeling of knowing that Ian was going to prison, maybe it was just being so close to Aaron - the man he had always loved - again, but something made Robert lean in to kiss Aaron. And for a moment, Aaron looked like he wanted to kiss Robert just as much, but then he pulled back, shaking his head slightly.

Robert released him instantly and took a step backwards, shaken from his trance by Aaron’s blatant rejection of him. He could feel his cheeks flushing in embarrassment and shame at trying something like that.

“Shit,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron tried to tell him. He took a step towards him and Robert immediately took another one backwards, bringing Aaron to an abrupt halt. He wouldn’t pressure Robert, not after everything he’d been through.

“I, um, I should…I’ll go…” Robert said quickly.

“You don’t have to,” Aaron told him, but he didn’t want to demand that Robert stayed. He didn’t want to make him feel like he had no choice.

“I’ll just be at Vic’s. It’s alright,” he said in a rush, not even making eye contact as he spoke.

Before Aaron could say anything else, Robert had hurried to the door and walked out, leaving Aaron cursing himself for not handling the situation better. And he knew that Robert would be doing exactly the same thing.

***

The following morning, Aaron and Robert had both decided that they needed to talk about what had happened. As soon as Robert had heard the front door close behind Liv and Gerry, he’d made his way downstairs. He’d been a coward the night before and waited until it was late before sneaking back into the flat so he didn’t have to see Aaron, but he knew he couldn’t keep behaving like that. It wasn’t fair on Aaron after everything he’d done for Robert. Now it was just the two of them in the flat, it was obvious that they needed to sit down and talk.

They sat at the dining table and stared into their cups of tea for a while.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Robert eventually said.

“I don’t know why you’re apologising,” Aaron replied. “I’m the one who should’ve handled it better.”

“I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you,” Robert argued. “You’ve been…you’ve been an amazing friend to me through all of this and I shouldn’t have put you in that position and made things awkward.”

“Why did you try to kiss me?” Aaron asked. He wasn’t trying to be cruel or make Robert uncomfortable, but he needed to know if Robert wanted him as some sort of rebound or comfort, or if he wanted him because he still felt the same way that Aaron had for all this time.

Robert looked at him a little sadly. He sighed deeply. “I love you,” he admitted. It was so simple because it was a simple, honest truth. “I’ve always loved you. I tried to move on, but it was always you. And last night I was stupid because for a moment I thought that I could just move on and we could just try again. But I know that it can’t be like that and I’m sorry that I’ve messed things up again.”

“Robert, you haven’t messed things up. You don’t need to apologise to me. Believe me, I wanted to kiss you last night too, but…I don’t think you’re really ready to jump straight back into another relationship.”

“I know,” Robert agreed. “I did a lot of thinking last night and, you’re right, I’m not ready. I think I need some space and some time to figure things out and get back to being more like myself. I don’t want to rush into something and ruin everything again because it was too soon. I want things to be right for us this time.”

Aaron nodded in understanding.

“I’m going to move back into Vic’s,” Robert announced, and while Aaron wasn’t completely surprised, the idea of Robert moving out was somehow painful. He knew it was the right thing to do though. He knew it was the best thing for Robert: he was right - he needed some time and space.

“You know you’re welcome here anytime,” Aaron said with a soft smile. He reached across the table and placed his hand over Robert’s. “And…I’ll wait for you.”

Robert smiled at him, wondering if Aaron remembered the two of them standing in a park at night and Robert saying the same words to him. From the gentle look on Aaron’s face, he was pretty sure that he did.

Chapter Text

Robert was actually nervous. His stomach was doing weird little flips and he couldn’t stop smoothing down his shirt.

“You’re going to need to iron that again if you keep doing that,” Vic remarked from the sofa as she watched him hovering anxiously in the doorway.

He scowled at her.

“You’ve got nothing to be worried about,” she said as she stood up and walked over to him. “You look very handsome: I’m sure Aaron will be impressed. Not that he isn’t impressed every day he sees you up at the scrapyard obviously, but this’ll be ‘first date’ impressed.” She patted him on the arm as he rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know why I’m nervous,” Robert said quietly.

“Yes, you do,” Vic told him with a knowing look.

Robert huffed out a little laugh. “Because it’s Aaron,” he replied simply.

She nodded. “Because it’s Aaron and you want this to be perfect and you’ve both waited a long time for the right time to do this. And you know what? I think you’ve waited long enough. I think you’re both ready to try again. And it’s time you were both happy - you deserve it.”

Robert smiled at her before he leant down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you.”

She smiled brightly at him and then pushed him towards the front door. “Now, go and enjoy your first date. I won’t wait up,” she added cheekily.

Robert was smiling to himself as he walked down the street towards The Mill. It had been several months since Robert had moved back in with Victoria and over that time he’d gradually started to feel more like his old self. There hadn’t been a morning when he’d suddenly woken up and thought ‘I think I’m okay’, but everything had gradually felt better over time. He’d had ups and downs; of course he had. There wasn’t a magic fix or way to solve a problem - what he’d been through was bigger than that and had affected him much more deeply than anyone, including himself, had even realised at first.

His experiences had left him with physical and mental scars. Some days he’d struggled to motivate himself to get up; some days he’d gone back to wondering why anyone even bothered with him. He was angry sometimes - angry with everyone: Ian for hurting him in the first place; his friends and family for not noticing and helping him; himself for getting into such a situation.

Vic had been as supportive as ever. He’d found a new friendship developing with Vanessa and he was so grateful for her presence in his life. Aaron had been there, as a friend, offering reassurance and a friendly face. And gradually, people had started to treat him like ‘Robert’ again.

He’d still struggled though and eventually he’d decided to see a counsellor about what had happened. At first, on a particularly bad day, he’d thought that it was just another sign of how weak he was, but he’d still gone ahead with his first appointment. It had been a bumpy road and he’d cried and raged and poured his heart out to his counsellor during his sessions. And it had helped. It had helped so much and slowly he’d started to feel like he might be able to move on.  

Aaron had promised him that he’d wait and he’d been true to his word. He hadn’t rushed Robert or put pressure on him, and he hadn’t been weird and distant either. They’d slipped into a relatively easy routine of working and, sometimes, socialising together (as friends).

That had been fine for quite a while and Robert hadn’t even noticed that anything had changed between them, but a few raised eyebrows from Vic and Adam and Liv had helped him to realise that he and Aaron had actually started flirting with one another again. And he’d been fine with that realisation too, happy about it actually, because maybe that meant they were ready to try again.

It had still taken him weeks to pluck up the courage to ask Aaron out on a date, but he’d finally managed it and it was worth it just to see the look on Aaron’s face. Robert had wanted to drag Aaron into a kiss right then and there, but he’d promised himself that they’d take their time and do things right this time, so he’d resisted temptation. Rekindling their romance in the portacabin probably wasn’t the best way to start again after all.

As he approached the door to The Mill, he felt the smile fall from his face – not because he was unhappy, but because the nerves had crept back in. He wanted this so much. He just didn’t want to mess it up.

It didn’t take long after he’d knocked before Aaron appeared at the door and the smile was immediately back on Robert’s face. Aaron was wearing the charcoal jumper that Robert had secretly decided was his favourite ‘Aaron jumper’ months ago when he’d seen him wearing it at the pub one evening. Briefly, he wondered if Aaron knew. His eyes travelled up and down the length of Aaron’s body before settling back on his face. He was more than a little pleased to see that Aaron was doing his own appreciating and he felt a confidence flood through him that had been missing for a long time.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” Aaron echoed.

Then they both laughed and realised how daft they were being. It made Robert feel better though, knowing that Aaron seemed as nervous as he was.

“You ready?” Aaron asked.

Robert nodded, wondering if Aaron realised the double meaning of the question. He was ready for their date and more than ready to move on with his life with Aaron by his side.

***

The date had been a success with both of them becoming more relaxed as the evening went on and they soon slipped back into being comfortable with one another; their nerves disappearing as they remembered just who they were spending the evening with.

They ended up back at Aaron’s flat because neither of them wanted the night to end. Something about being together just felt so right.

They sat on the sofa with cups of tea on the coffee table in front of them and Robert knew that this was everything he wanted. He’d always known that really, but it had taken going through hell to get back to where he belonged. He smiled softly to himself, feeling truly content.

“What?” Aaron asked and Robert realised he must look kind of daft sitting there with a dopey smile on his face.

“Just thinking,” he replied.

“About what?” Aaron prompted him. Since what had happened, Aaron had been keen to know what was on Robert’s mind. It was obvious that he wanted to keep him from going down a dark path in his head by sharing his thoughts and Robert truly appreciated that. They’d both got so much better at communicating over the years and after everything they’d experienced both together and apart, and Robert really believed that they had a solid foundation to build a new relationship on.

“About you,” he replied simply. “About how happy I am here, just like this. About how we’ve come a long way and I’m so ready for us to try again…to be happy, together. I think we both deserve that.”

Aaron smiled at him. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you talk like that in a while,” he said quietly. “And I am happy. Having you here…that makes me happy.”

Robert couldn’t hold back anymore. He leant forward, pausing for just long enough to allow Aaron to pull away if he wanted to, and pressed his lips against Aaron’s. Kissing Aaron was everything wonderful he remembered and more. It might have been clichéd but it made him feel complete. He lifted a hand to hold the back of Aaron’s head as he scooted closer to him on the sofa. He felt Aaron’s hands, one at the collar of his shirt, fingertips grazing the side of his neck, the other on his thigh and he sighed in utter contentment.

Reaching out, his other hand settled at Aaron’s hip for a moment before he moved his fingers up and under the hem of his jumper. He was contemplating just climbing into Aaron’s lap so he could press their bodies even closer when Aaron suddenly pulled back and looked at him with concerned eyes.

Disappointment rushed through Robert. Was Aaron rejecting him? Maybe he’d pushed him too far and he wasn’t ready for all of this again? He shifted away, wanting to give him some space, only to be stopped by Aaron’s hand reaching out and closing around his wrist. His eyes fell to where Aaron was holding on to him and Aaron’s eyes widened as he immediately let go almost like he’d been burnt.

“Sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t…I’m not trying to...” He trailed off clearly floundering and sighing in exasperation. “If you want to go, that’s fine – I wasn’t trying to stop you leaving. I just wanted to…ugh, I don’t know.”

“Aaron,” Robert finally interrupted him. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me. What’s going on?”

Aaron sighed again. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I didn’t want you to feel like we were rushing into things and now I’ve gone and messed everything up and made it weird.”

“You haven’t made it weird,” Robert told him. “I love it that you care enough to worry about that, but…you don’t have to treat me like glass, you know. I’m still me even if I got lost for a while. If I didn’t want to do something, I’d tell you because I know you’d understand and you’d never treat me like…well, I just mean I know you. I trust you. I love you.”

Aaron shifted a little closer again, watching Robert’s face carefully. “I love you too, you know. You’re everything. And I’ll never stop wanting to make sure you’re okay.”

Robert smiled at him. “Kissing would make me feel okay,” he said with a cheeky grin.

Aaron rolled his eyes, but he was smiling again, all trace of doubt gone from his expression. “I suppose I can help you out with that.”

He went willingly when Robert tugged him closer again. They both smiled against each other’s lips as they kissed. This was where they both belonged. As he felt Aaron’s tongue move against his own and Aaron’s fingers threading through the hair at the back of his head, Robert couldn’t help but think that this was the happiness that they both deserved.