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Chapter Text

Kylo parked his ‘67 BMW motorcycle on the curb and got off it. He unbuckled his helmet and ran his fingers through his somewhat sweaty hair. It was the middle of August, but they still had this tropical summer going on. He then took his aviator sunglasses off, hung them in the v of his black stonewashed t-shirt, and gave the rundown building in front of him a skeptical look. This couldn't possibly be the right place. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a letter he had there, checked the address it listed, then looked back at the building. It was the right place. It just looked shady as fuck, hidden away on a deserted street that no one seemed to use. Except him, and whoever else was forced to go to this piece of shit meeting. The city of New York obviously couldn't be bothered giving its more challenged citizens any special treatment. Forget special, not even decent.

Kylo grunted as he pushed the door open, which he had to duck to get through. The inside of the building was a little better than the outside. The fact that it was clean helped a lot. He walked down a corridor and entered an open door at the end of it. There were already ten people there, occupying all but one of the chairs set up in a circle. One of them was explaining something to the others.

“Sorry I’m late. Traffic,” Kylo muttered to the woman talking to the small seated crowd. He assumed she was the therapist, although she didn’t look like any therapist he had seen before. She was probably around fifty years old, but could easily pass as younger, especially with that dusky purple hair she was sporting.

“Not a problem,” she answered him, “just don’t make a habit of it.” She ticked off something on a list in her hands, then gestured to the only available seat left in the circle, next to her. “Please, take a seat.”

Kylo sat down on the cheap plastic folding chair that was way too small for his large frame. It creaked dangerously under him, and he shifted around on it, trying to somehow make himself comfortable. He failed.

He could feel the eyes of everyone in the room on him. His entire life, he had had eyes on him like that. Being the scandal son of the radical and outspoken senator Leia Organa, and decorated war hero Han Solo, would do that to you. Growing up, many envied him his family name and legacy, and the privilege they thought came with it, believing that Kylo was living the dream life. But fact was, it was fucking lonely what with his parents being so busy and away all the time, and Kylo hated it. He had struggled with finding real friends, because everyone around him seemed to want something from him. They wanted to be friends with him because of his name, his family’s money or because they thought he could somehow get them somewhere. No one was ever interested in him for him. This had made Kylo skeptical of everyone around him, especially anyone new that entered his life. Trust was not something that came easy for him. He had the mindset that every living person was guilty of being an asshole, until proven otherwise.

The people in the room kept looking at him as if he was a curiosity on display. He looked back at them, already feeling irritation building in him, with a challenging expression saying what the fuck do you want?

There was only one person in the room that wasn’t looking at him or seemed to take any interest. Directly across from him in the circle, a redheaded man in a crisp light grey suit (designer, if Kylo wasn’t mistaken) was sitting calmly with one leg across the other, his hands folded in his lap. He easily stuck out from the rest of the crowd, and Kylo wondered what he was doing here, as neither his looks nor his demeanour bore witness of someone who needed to be in this group. Then again, looks could be deceiving.

“Well then!” the lavender-haired lady spoke, and everyone finally turned towards her instead of Kylo. “Now that everyone is here, I would like to welcome you all to this anger management class. I am Doctor Amilyn Holdo, but you can call me Amilyn. I will be your therapist.” She smiled at them, a kind but cunning sort of smile that told Kylo she probably didn’t take any shit.

Kylo had started acting out at an early age, rebelling against pretty much everything that could be rebelled against. It didn’t matter what it was, as long as it was the opposite of what his parents wanted and stood for. His mother and father had ignored him in the beginning, thinking it was just a phase, that he would grow out of it eventually, and if they didn’t pay any attention to his awful behaviour, then he would stop. But Kylo didn’t stop, he got worse. What started out as verbal altercations as a kid, turned into physical fights in his teens. And Kylo always won those fights. Partially because he grew very tall and muscular when he hit puberty, but mostly because of the raw rage that flowed through him whenever he got riled up. It lead him to be suspended from school time and time again, and when he eventually got into one of the teachers’ faces at seventeen, actually trying to choke him, he was expelled for good.

Because he was still underage at the time, he had been sent far away to a wilderness camp for teens, where he was supposed to learn how to control his anger. It hadn’t worked. He made it through camp without any incidents, but he was just as angry when he left as when he arrived. There was only one thing that wilderness camp taught him: that he felt way better about himself without his parents around. So when he got back, he packed his bags and moved out.

That was the time Kylo had decided to change his name as well. His birth name was Ben Solo, but he didn’t want to be associated with his parents in that way, so he started calling himself Kylo Ren. It was a name he felt represented himself in a more appropriate way.

There was only one place he could go when he left home: to Phasma’s. She was and remained to this day his one true friend, and the only person Kylo really trusted. She was two years older than him, and had lived on her own since she was fifteen. They had randomly met in a record shop a few years before, striking up an unexpected friendship and later forming their band together.

Music was the only thing Kylo ever felt passionate about. It was the first and only thing he ever wanted to work at to get better. His rather distant uncle, Luke, who Kylo once looked up to and thought was really cool (but not anymore), bought him a guitar when he was ten. Kylo had fallen in love with it immediately, and realising how much he loved it, his parents had let him keep it, hoping perhaps that it would help him with his anger issues somehow.

He practiced that guitar every single day, and by the time he met Phasma, he had gotten pretty good. Phasma herself, was a singer. When they both realised how passionate the other was about music, they decided to form their band, the Finalizers. They later found their brilliant drummer, Finn, and bass player Mitaka.

They started out playing in small clubs, barely making any money, living on noodles and tap water. But all of them were adamant about making it, and were willing to sacrifice a lot to get there. Slowly but surely they gained a following, and after having played together for almost five years, they were picked up by the prestigious First Order Records. Their careers rocketed after that, the four of them (with the exception of Kylo) going from more or less anonymous to famous in a few months. Soon enough their lives were turned upside down and became all about recording music and touring the country.

Kylo got everything he ever wanted when his music career took off. But despite that, he still struggled with his anger. On stage, he was fine, but off stage was a completely different story. He would get so angry sometimes, he would black out and completely thrash hotel rooms they stayed in while on tour. Snoke, the owner of First Order Records, had more than once called Kylo in to tell him to get a fucking grip on himself or he would have to go. Unfortunately for Snoke, they both knew that Kylo was the backbone of the band, as the main songwriter. Without him, there would be no Finalizers. So Kylo didn’t care about what Snoke said, simply shrugging every time he saw how the payment for the destruction of another hotel room had come out of his paycheck. He didn’t give a shit about the money.

“I would like to go around the circle so all of you can introduce yourselves. Now, keep in mind that this is an anonymous group, so first names will do.” Amilyn gestured to a tanned, dark-haired man to her right, for him to begin.

“Hi, I’m Poe,” he said, shooting the group a dazzling white smile.

Cute, Kylo thought.

“And I have anger issues,” he continued, laughing at his own joke.

Aaand an idiot.

Amilyn turned to him, still smiling. “We don’t say that. That’s a movie thing,” she explained to him, calmly.

Poe glared back at her, but didn't fight her on it, which was almost a surprise to Kylo, considering where they were.

They went around the circle, one by one introducing themselves. When they came to the redhead, Kylo paid extra attention, as he was curious about the man looking so out of place.

“Hello,” he began, keeping his eyes on Amilyn. “My name is Armitage.”

English accent. Interesting.

Kylo was the last one to introduce himself. All of them already seemed to know who he was, but he did it anyway. “Hi, I’m Kylo.”

“We know!” Poe exclaimed from two chairs away, and Kylo was glad Amilyn was seated between them.

What the fuck was wrong with this guy?

“Yeah? Maybe you could pretend not to, seeing as this is meant to be anonymous and all,” Kylo told him sourly.

Poe seemed to pretend to think about his words. “Or I could tell the press where you are.”

Kylo’s hands automatically balled up into two fists, and adrenaline began pumping, readying him for an altercation. “Fuck you!” he said, getting up from his chair, ready to fight this guy.

“What are you gonna do? Break my nose? Please do, I could use the money.”

Kylo’s anger issues had all accumulated about six months ago, after a concert in the city. There were always fans and paparazzis waiting outside for them when they left the venue. All of them were used to that by now and handled it. The fans got their autographs, selfies and hugs; the paparazzis got their photos. But that time there was a particularly annoying paparazzi that was just a little bit too close for comfort. Kylo had spotted him as he grabbed a hold of Mitaka and basically shoved his camera into his face. “Please back off,” Mitaka had told him weakly, but the paparazzi hadn’t listened.

Mitaka was the shy one in the group. He genuinely wanted everyone to be friends, hated conflict and couldn't for the life of him tell anyone “no". He was so impressionable and fragile, it was a little ridiculous, but Kylo still felt the need to protect him. A switch had flicked in his brain, and Kylo had bull rushed the paparazzi, tackling him to the ground. That would have been more than enough to stop him, but Kylo hadn't stopped. He wasn't able to. Instead, he had ripped the camera out of the paparazzi’s hands and thrown it into a nearby wall, before he had punched the guy in the face. He had gotten three hits in, feeling how the paparazzi’s nose had crushed under his large fist, before someone had stopped him.

“KYLO, STOP!” Phasma had screamed at him from somewhere that sounded very far away. Then someone had grabbed both his left and right arm, pulled him off and dragged him away from the paparazzi.

When he came back to himself, he had found himself being held back by Phasma and Finn. Around him, fans that had earlier asked for hugs, had looked at him with terrified expressions, many of them with their phones out. The paparazzi had been sitting on the ground, tended to by bystanders, moaning in pain while blood had pooled from his face. In the distance, he had heard the unmistakable sound of sirens.

It was a really fucked up affair. The news of what he had done, including photos and videos, went viral. He got so much hate online, even he had a little trouble not caring about it. But the worst thing was how his band mates reacted to it. They were so mad at him. Even Phasma, who was always patient and understanding, was angry with him. No, not angry. Disappointed. “This shit isn’t flying anymore, Kylo,” she had told him. “You’re making us all look bad! Don’t you get that this can potentially ruin your career, if it hasn't already? We have to take a break now, because you have to go to fucking court and maybe jail! You have to get your anger under control.” Kylo had shamefully looked down at the floor the entire time she had been calling him out. It wasn't that he didn’t want to change. He couldn’t say he liked being angry. He just didn’t know how to stop it.

As fate would have it, he didn't end up in neither court nor jail, and he had his mother to thank for that. Not that he had actually thanked her, because he figured she had given him that disgustingly expensive lawyer to make sure no more shame would fall on her and her career by him going to jail. Either way, his lawyer made the paparazzi accept a pretty hefty financial settlement, on the condition that Kylo had to undergo anger management therapy.

Amilyn jumped out in front of Kylo, holding her hand up to his chest. Not actually touching him, just hovering in front of him. She was tall for a woman, but nowhere near Kylo’s height, and she was skinny like a twig. Kylo could break her in half if he wanted to. Yet, she stood in front of him, steady as a rock, seemingly unafraid of his obvious physical advantage.

Kylo could feel the energy radiating from the therapist: calm, non-threatening, but decisive. She looked him dead in the eye, and simply said, “Please.”

Kylo hadn’t been sure what to expect from her, but it wasn't that. Nothing so simple. But it worked, and he sat down. When he did, Amilyn sat down too. Then she turned to Poe, once again calmly but clearly, explaining, “Deliberate provocation will not be tolerated here.”

Poe gave her another death glare, but he didn't say anything. Then she turned to Kylo, “Any kind of violent outbursts, will not be tolerated either.”

Kylo gave her a quick nod. She was clear about the rules, without belittling him in any way. He appreciated that. It didn’t look like Poe appreciated it quite as much. He was leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, actually pouting.

“Let’s move on,” Amilyn said, straightening up in her chair. Then she asked, "Why do we get angry?” She looked around the room, meeting the eyes of every single person in it. Kylo wasn’t sure if it was a rhetorical question or not, but he wasn't about to answer it. Neither, it seemed, was anyone else.

Kylo’s high school counselor had once asked him a similar question. “Why are you so angry, Ben?” The only answer Kylo had been able to give him was a shrug, because he didn't know. He still didn't know. He just knew that he wanted to punch a wall several times a day, and he often did.

Amilyn smiled at them all when no one answered her. Then she started speaking, “Anger is an emotional response. We use anger as a means of coping. Anger is, for a lot of people, easy. It’s a simpler emotion than sadness, or even happiness. Many of us equal being sad or vulnerable, to showing weakness, and because of that we turn to anger instead.”

She got up from her chair and stood in the middle of the circle, hands folded in front of her. “What I want you to know straight away, is that aggression isn’t always bad. I’m not here to teach you how to never be angry again. Everyone gets angry. It can even be healthy, in some cases. However, when aggression consumes us, when we can’t control it, and when it becomes violent - that’s when it becomes dangerous. To yourselves, and to others. And that’s what I’m here to help you with: to regain control of yourselves and to connect with your emotions, so that you can find a healthier way to express yourselves, than through anger.”

Amilyn kept talking, “Sometimes anger can affect what you say or do before you even recognise that you’re angry. Many of you will likely have become so used to the feeling of anger that you don’t notice it until it’s too late. This is what we are going to work on in our first week. For you to be able to control your anger, you must recognise the warning signs of it. We all have different warning signs, so it’s very important that you find the signs that apply to you.”

She stepped outside the circle and went over to a table where she picked up a small stack of papers. She handed them out to the group and explained, “This sheet has a number of anger warning signs on it. Your job this week is to try and figure out which ones apply to you. Once you know your own warning signs, it will be easier for you to recognise when you’re becoming angry, and eventually working to deflate the situation.”

Kylo took the sheet of paper that was handed to him, and looked at it. He had no idea what he was supposed to do with this.

“I have also assigned you all a partner,” Amilyn told them, when they had all had some time to look at the paper they had been given.

Kylo looked up at this. A partner in the group? He threw a look over at Poe. If he was partnered up with that asshole, he swore he would break his jaw before they left the room today.

“Having a partner is meant to help you with your tasks in the coming weeks,” Amilyn explained. “You’re not obligated to use each other, but I urge you to do so, as working together and sharing experiences have proven to raise the likelihood of succeeding in therapy.”

She started reading partner names from a list. To Kylo’s great relief, Poe was partnered with a woman in the group.

“Kylo, your partner is Armitage.”

Kylo didn’t remember all the names from their introduction round earlier, and at first the name didn’t ring a bell, but then he met the eyes of the strangely calm redhead with the English accent, and he thanked some higher power he didn’t believe in that he was to be his partner. This meant that he probably wouldn’t have to deal too much with the partner thing at all, which suited him perfectly. He really wasn’t keen on sharing any of his innermost thoughts or feelings with a complete stranger. However attractive an English accent was.

When everyone in the group had been assigned a partner, Amilyn said, "That’s all for today. I’ll see you here next week. Don’t forget to do your homework!”

The group started buzzing, partners getting together to talk. Kylo wasn’t particularly up for talking to anyone at all, and more than anything wanted to get as far as humanly possible away from Poe. He didn’t even want to look at the guy.

He was almost out the door, when there was a voice behind him, “Excuse me.” He turned around to see Armitage standing there, a fancy leather bag now hanging off his right shoulder. “Should we perhaps find a time to get together to do our assignment?”

Kylo blinked at him. Was he actually serious about doing this partner thing? “Um, I was thinking I’d just do it myself, really.”

Armitage nodded slowly. “I understand.”

“Great,” said Kylo, grabbing the sunglasses from the neckline of his t-shirt, at the same time as Armitage said, “Except -”

Kylo sighed. “Except?”

“Except Doctor Holdo urged us to work together, and I believe it would be prudent to follow her professional advice.”

For fuck’s sake, Kylo thought to himself. This guy was apparently a huge kiss-ass.

He rubbed his forehead with his hand. Maybe though, if they met up and just did the assignment, he could have the rest of the week off and wouldn’t have to think anymore about this therapy stuff until next week.

“Okay fine,” Kylo finally said. “Meet me tomorrow at two at Kanata’s in East Village.”

Kylo showed up at Kanata’s the day after, a quarter past two. He nodded to the small woman behind the bar when he entered, before he looked around to find Armitage. He spotted him at a table near the windows, where he seemed to stick out like a sore thumb among the other guests. Kanata’s mostly hosted people like himself, with a more laid back style. Armitage’s suit and slick hair, simply didn’t fit the bill. But Armitage himself didn’t seem to notice or mind that he was the odd one out.

“Hey,” Kylo greeted him when he reached the table, casually flinging himself down on the chair opposite the redhead.

Armitage looked at him, a somewhat annoyed expression on his face. Then he looked at his wrist watch and back at Kylo again. “You’re late,” he stated.

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Well, excuse me, general Armitage.”

Armitage glared at him. “I don’t believe we’re quite familiar enough to give each other pet names. And I would greatly appreciate if you could be on time the next time. I have a job I need to get back to after this.”

“Sure,” said Kylo, but knowing himself, he would probably be late again.

“Let’s get started then,” Armitage said and pulled a fancy binder out of his fancy leather bag. He laid it on the table and opened it to show a neatly sorted folder with a small stack of papers in it. It looked as if he had prepared for a professional meeting, not a casual talk among anger management partners. “I figured we could go through each of the anger warning signs, discuss them and find out whether they apply to us.”

“Uh, yeah,” Kylo said, realising that Armitage wasn’t just a kiss-ass. He was a massive nerd as well.

“I have circled a couple of mine already,” Armitage pointed out, picking up a sheet of paper from his folder.

“You have? Let me see." And before Armitage could protest, Kylo had snapped the sheet of paper out of his hands.

Armitage let out a small whimper.

“Oh, come on, we’re supposed to be partners, right? It’s okay if I look at this.”

“I don’t care if you see my warning signs. I care about the -” but he cut himself off before he could finish the sentence.

Kylo was confused. He realised he had been a bit of dick the way he had just snatched the paper out of his hands. He just wanted to mess with him a little. He wasn’t actually going to look at what he had circled. But if Armitage wasn’t annoyed at the prospect of him seeing his warnings signs, then what was he on about?

“You care about what?” Kylo frowned at him.

Armitage was still looking at the sheet of paper. “I care about the... paper,” he muttered.

“What?” said Kylo, confused.

“You’re creasing the paper,” Armitage explained, pointing to it.

Kylo looked down at the piece of paper he was holding in his hand, and yes, it was a little creased where he had snapped it and was now holding it, but it wasn’t something he would ever have thought about. “Do you have OCD or something?”

“First of all, that’s none of your business, and second: no, I don’t,” said Armitage firmly.

“But you’re a bit of a control freak,” Kylo stated, a crooked smile playing at the corner of his mouth. He didn’t know why he thought it was funny to tease Armitage, but it was.

Armitage sighed. “I like things to be neat, and I don’t appreciate it when other people touch my things without permission. If you had merely asked, I would have handed you the paper.”

“Okay fine, I’m sorry,” Kylo finally said and handed the sheet of paper back to him.

“Can we please do this properly now?” Armitage asked him, trying to flatten out the crease in the paper with his fingers. “I have to go back to work in half an hour.”

Kylo got his act together, and he was kind of glad he did, because going through the anger warnings signs in Armitage’s way, was actually quite helpful. He was very systematic, and not at all personal about it, which Kylo thought was great. He wasn’t in any way ready to share anything private with him. But by the end of their meeting, he had been able to recognise three warning signs that applied to him: throwing things, becoming aggressive, and punching walls. He was going to think more about the others, but at least this was a beginning. He had done his homework.

At exactly three o’clock, Armitage got up to leave. Before he left though, he pulled out a card holder and handed Kylo a card. “I don’t expect you to use it, but just in case you need to get a hold of me.”

He vanished out the door, and Kylo looked at the card:

British Consulate General New York
Armitage Hux
Financial planner and advisor

At the bottom were two phone numbers: his professional and his private. Kylo thought it was strange that he had given him his card like that. In any other situation it would just be a business card. But not between them. Not from where they knew each other. They were supposed to be anonymous, but Armitage had just given Kylo way more information than he needed to know about him. It was a sign of trust, something Kylo never would have done.

Two nights later, Kylo was on the couch in the apartment he shared with Phasma. It was Friday, but he wasn’t going out. He had barely been out at all since the paparazzi incident, and he still didn’t feel like showing his face. He was slacking in a pair of sweatpants and a wife beater, eating pizza and watching a movie, when Phasma came into the living room. She was looking as fabulous as ever, in a short silver sequin dress and high heels.

“You look like a skyscraper disco ball in that outfit,” Kylo told her.

“Thanks!” Phasma said and dumped down in the sofa next to him. “Sure you don’t wanna come along?”

“Yup,” Kylo told her and shoved another piece of pizza into his mouth.

“Give me one of those,” she said, and Kylo handed her a piece. She gobbled it down like a true hero, and let out a sensational burp after.

“Eight out of ten,” Kylo rated her.

She winked, and got up from the sofa again. Then she bent down to pick up something next to Kylo’s phone on the table. “Oooh, what’s this?”

Kylo had no idea what she was talking about, but as he looked up at her, he realised she was holding Armitage’s business card. He jumped up to snag it out of her hand, but Phasma held the card over her head, and unfortunately for him, she was quite a bit taller than him in high heels.

“Don’t want me to see it, do you? Is it a new guy?”

Kylo snorted. “God no. It’s the business card of my anger management partner, and it’s supposed to be anonymous, so hand it over.” He reached his hand out to her.

“Okay,” Phasma shrugged, giving the card back to him.

She went into her room and came back again with her purse. “Sooo, is he cute?"

Kylo groaned. “He has a huge stick up his ass.”

“Hm, so he appreciates things up his ass. Sounds just like your type.”

Kylo spurted out the beer he just took a sip of. "Oh shut up!” He grabbed a pillow and threw it at Phasma, who ducked. She cackled loudly as she left the apartment.

Kylo was left behind alone with his pizza, beer and movie. And Armitage’s business card. He looked at it. He supposed he wasn’t ugly. His bone structure was pretty good. And Kylo had always had a bit of a thing for gingers. He was just so damn square, and probably the least gay person on the planet.

Phasma’s earlier comment about Armitage appreciating things up his ass, gave Kylo mental images, and he shifted a little on the sofa, feeling his cock stirring in his pants.

Calm the fuck down, he told his cock, I’m not going to jerk off to my anger management partner.

He tried focusing on the film, but the mental images of Armitage on all fours wouldn’t go away, and Kylo finally gave in, heading for the bathroom and the shower, his cock aching to be dealt with. At least this was a better way to blow off steam than punching walls.

Chapter Text

Hux woke up at the sound of his alarm going off. He groaned, flung his arm out to silence it, but then realised it wasn’t just his alarm that was making a noise. Someone was calling him as well. He scrambled for his phone, managing to pick up before it stopped ringing.

“Hello?” he answered groggy.

“Armitage?” said the authoritative voice of an older man on the other end.

Hux was immediately more awake, sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes with the hand that wasn’t holding his phone. “Father,” he stated.

“Are you not up yet?”

“No, I’m getting up now. I always have my alarm set to 6.30.”

His father scoffed. “While I have already been awake for an hour, had a jog on the treadmill and am now enjoying my morning coffee before breakfast.”

“Of course you have,” Hux sighed. His father was beyond what you would call an A personality type, and his days were scheduled with military precision.

“Don’t be snippy, Armitage.”

“I’m not snippy,” Hux defended himself, a little bit annoyed. He really wasn’t up for having this conversation before he was even properly awake.

“We wouldn’t want a repetition of what happened before.”

Hux cringed and put his head in the nook of his elbow in pure shame at the memory. “No, we wouldn’t,” he said meekly.

“How is therapy going?”

“It’s... fine. Just fine.” He wasn’t particularly keen on sharing details of his therapy. His father was already well aware of how uncomfortable he felt about going.

“Good. I think this will be good for you, Armitage.” He was trying out sympathy again, which never worked, mostly because it was so obvious that he didn't mean it.

“Whatever you say.”

“Armitage, do we need to have another talk about your attitude?”

Hux’s hand tightened around his phone, but he took a deep breath to calm down. “No, I- We don’t. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Hux resigned.

When they hung up, Hux fell back in bed, feeling as if he had already been through a rough day, when in reality he had just woken up. He dearly wished his father wouldn’t insist on calling at the most inappropriate hours of the day. But of course, that’s what fit him the best.

Hux’s relationship with his father had never been particularly good. He hadn’t even known who he was until his mother got sick and passed away when he was eleven years old. Up until then he had lived a normal, boring life in England. But all of a sudden, his life was turned upside down. The identity of his father had been revealed: Brendol Hux, British ambassador to the United States of America.

Naturally, Hux was moved to Washington DC, where everything was different. His mother had been easy-going and loving, showering him with kisses on a daily basis. His father was strict and cold, and his step mother very clearly disliked him. She always looked at Hux as if he had ruined her life. Which wasn’t completely untrue. He was indeed a constant reminder of her husband’s indiscretion, and it probably didn’t help that she had never been able to give him any children of her own.

His father had expected and wanted Hux to follow in his footsteps, and raised him to be his protégé and heir. And Hux, having been taught not to protest, had done what he had been told to do - every single time. He had studied hard, gone to Harvard, and gotten his degree in finance, with honours. He had started out working at the British embassy in DC, but he honestly couldn’t take working so close to his father, so when a finance position opened up at the consulate in New York, he had jumped on it.

Despite always having done what his father wanted, it had left Hux with a bitter taste in his mouth. As good as he was at following orders, he hated it. He hated being pushed around and told what to do. It made him murderous. But for some reason, he still did it.

That is, until that fateful evening a few months back, that Hux didn’t even want to think about because it made him feel so shameful.

Hux lay still for a while, staring up at the ceiling. Next to him, Millicent, his ginger cat, stirred and moved to his chest where she started kneading on him. Hux stroked her fur. For a second he contemplated calling in sick to work. Then he remembered his work ethics unfortunately wasn’t poor enough for that, so he lifted a somewhat offended Millicent off him, got out of bed and headed into the bathroom.

He tried calming down with his rigorous morning routine, but his father had thrown him off his game, and he managed to cut himself with the razor. When he went to make tea, he found that he was out of milk. He genuinely thought he might cry at that, because his morning tea was the one thing in his life he could always depend on.

He would have to stop by Starbucks on his way to work. Their tea was detestable, but he could get a coffee. This day was already a high level caffeine day, so a double Americano was probably a good idea.

Hux was two blocks away from his office building, his coffee in hand, when something rammed into him full force. He almost fell over on the sidewalk and his coffee spilled all over his Marc Jacobs suit.

“Watch where the fuck you’re going!” the woman that had bumped into him and that hadn’t got a drop of coffee on her, yelled. She gave him a stare that could have frozen Hell over, before she briskly walked off.

Hux was left on the sidewalk with an empty paper cup in his hand, his suit slowly absorbing the very warm coffee. A few strands of his perfectly combed hair had fallen into his face. People stared at him as they walked by, and Hux wanted to scream at them if none of them had never seen anyone spilling coffee on themselves before? This was New York, for crying out loud.

But he didn’t.

It’s fine, he told himself, you have an extra shirt at work, and you don’t have to wear the jacket.

He only had to deal with the fact that it looked like he had pissed himself. And that he had his second therapy session after work, which he wouldn’t have time to go home and change for.

He could feel a headache coming on.

When he walked into work, the security guard looked him up and down and said, “Wet start of the day, huh?” before he laughed at his own joke and let Hux through the security doors.

Hux smiled politely at him, while mentally noting him down on his kill list, should he ever snap. There were quite a few people on that list by now.

Hux showed up to therapy early. He was always early, wherever he went. He had a constant fear of being late, which resulted in him often turning up way earlier than needed, and having to wait outside. Sometimes he would walk around the nearby area until it was closer to the actual time he was meant to show up, so that it didn’t look like he was desperate.

He was happy that the coffee stain on his trousers had turned pretty much invisible when it dried. It must have been fate that he had chosen to wear a brown suit today. But he was still in a bad mood, the memory of the phone call with his father having been at the back of his mind all day. All he really wanted was to go home, lie down on the sofa and take a long nap. Preferably one that lasted until next morning.

A quarter to six, he finally entered the rundown building, finding only Doctor Holdo in the room, getting ready for today’s session.

“Hello, Armitage,” she greeted him.

“Good afternoon, Doctor Holdo,” he greeted her back.

“You know, you can just call me Amilyn. Calling me doctor doesn't really help with the friendly, casual vibe I’m trying to create here.” She gave him a quick wink.

“If you insist,” he answered politely, but he knew he was never going to call her by her first name.

He sat down in the same spot as last time, pulling out his folder which contained his assignment from last week, then crossed his legs and folded his hands on top of the folder. Hux was a creature of habit, and he didn't like to change things if he didn't have to.

The other people in the group arrived soon enough, and Hux noticed that everyone paired up with the partner they had been given the last time, leaving a seat next to Hux very open for Kylo to use when he arrived. Hux didn’t know why that made him a little nervous.

Poe, the bottom feeder from last week that was impossible to forget after the stunt he had pulled on Kylo, arrived at exactly six o’clock, entering the room as if he owned it. He winked to the woman he had been partnered up with, which seemed to cringe a little at the gesture. If there was any doubt after the last session, there was none anymore: Poe was a twat.

Kylo didn’t arrive until twenty past six. Apparently he was incapable of being on time. He apologised to Doctor Holdo, before he sat down next to Hux and flashed a smile at him. Sitting next to him like that, Hux was reminded of how huge he actually was. Hux was a tall man himself, but Kylo was like a beast. And he was so broad. So broad in fact, his left arm continually brushed Hux’s right, which Hux couldn't decide on whether he felt uncomfortable with or actually liked. Perhaps a little bit of both.

Doctor Holdo spoke, "I’m curious to hear how you have all gotten along since last week. Now, I’m not going to force anyone to speak, but I hope some of you want to share what you have found out about yourselves.”

She looked at them all, waiting for someone to speak up. Hux really didn’t want to be the first one, but the honour student in him felt obliged to.

“I suppose I can share mine,” Hux said, feeling nervous. He wasn't unaccustomed to speaking in front of people, but he usually did that for work. This was different. This was personal.

“Wonderful, Armitage. What anger warning signs have you found?”

Hux opened his folder and pulled out the paper Doctor Holdo had given him the week before. It was still slightly creased from where Kylo had held it.

“Well, I think the biggest one is that I tend to go quiet and shut down. I’m rarely very vocal about my anger.”

“Would you say that you’re the kind of person that direct your anger inward?” Doctor Holdo asked.

“Yes, probably,” Hux answered, knowing full well that he did that all the time. As angry as he could get at people in certain situations, his father especially, he struggled with confronting them.

“Interesting,” commented Doctor Holdo. “Most people, when they think of anger and anger issues, think of aggressive behaviour, like yelling and throwing things. But quiet or introverted anger is just as common. We just don’t notice it in the same way. Usually, people who struggle with this type of anger, bottle everything up until they explode. And they tend to do so because they feel like their voice isn’t worth hearing. Subconsciously, they let themselves be trampled on. I think it’s important, Armitage, that you recognise that you’re a person that deserves to be heard and respected, and learn to set boundaries for yourself.”

Hux didn’t know what to say. Other than that Doctor Holdo was eerily right in her assessment of his anger. He had been taught by his father that what he wanted, didn’t matter. He was to do what he was told. Any form of protest, was punished. And so Hux had taught himself to keep everything locked up securely on the inside. The only problem was that that didn’t seem to work so well anymore. After the event a few months ago, Hux felt like something had changed. As ashamed as he was at his own actions, it had given him some form of relief to finally voice his true opinions.

“Does anyone else want to share any of their anger warning signs?” asked Doctor Holdo.

To Hux’s great surprise, Kylo spoke up. He didn’t seem like the sharing kind of guy, so Hux was intrigued to find out what he had to say.

“I actually decided to ask my roommate about my warning signs, and she pointed out a couple,” Kylo began. Holdo smiled at him, urging him to go on. “She said that I always clench my fists and stare at the person I’m angry at very aggressively.”

“Those a very valuable observations, Kylo,” Doctor Holdo told him. “I’m glad you decided to ask someone for help. It’s often difficult to see one’s own flaws or bad habits, so asking someone who observes us on a daily basis, is very smart. Your job now, is to try to see these things in yourself. You may not be able to do that in an aggressive moment, but if you backtrack after an outburst, you will hopefully be able to.”

Once Hux and Kylo had shared their anger signs, more people in the group opened up and shared theirs as well. Poe shared that his main warning sign was that he insulted other people, which probably didn’t surprise anyone at all.

When everyone had shared something, Doctor Holdo spoke, “Now that you have started becoming familiar with your anger warning signs, your task is to try and notice them, as I mentioned to Kylo earlier. You’ll find that that sounds way easier than it is, because you have become so accustomed to being angry, that you don’t notice it until it’s too late. Doing this, requires actual work. You will have to retrain your brains to pick up on things it’s not used to. But the more you focus on this, the better your self-awareness will become, and eventually you’ll be able to stop your own anger. We’re not quite there yet, but we’re working towards it.”

She continued, “Your assignment for next week, will be to start an anger journal. I want you to note down every time you get angry, why you get angry and the physical and emotional symptoms attached to your anger. This will help you recognise triggers, so that you’ll know what sort of situations and people you need to be careful around - maybe even stay completely away from. I also want you to rate your own anger from one to ten. Remember to use your partners for help and guidance!”

And with that, the session ended. As everyone got up to leave, Doctor Holdo beckoned Kylo over to her. Hux decided to wait for him in the corridor, as he wanted to schedule a new meeting between them to work on this week’s assignment.

When Kylo eventually finished his talk with Doctor Holdo, he walked straight past Hux in the corridor and towards the door. Hux walked after him, "Should we schedule another meeting?”

Too late did Hux notice Kylo’s clenched fists. He turned around and stared at Hux like a bull would stare down a bullfighter. “No, I don’t want to schedule another fucking meeting, Armitage. Fuck off!” Then he spun around, pushed the door open with such force it slammed against the outside wall with a loud bang, leaving Hux behind with a lump in his stomach.

At work the next day, a text came in on Hux’s private phone from an unknown number.

[1:17 Unknown]: I was an asshole yesterday. Kylo

Hux looked at the screen with surprise. He hadn’t expected that Kylo would text him. He figured he would have to do his assignment on his own, and meet Kylo in therapy next week, where he would do as usual: pretend like nothing had happened.

Hux’s slender fingers wrote a quick reply.

[1:19 Hux]: You were.

[1:19 Unknown]: I was just pissed because Amilyn told me she might report me if I was late again. I know that’s not an excuse, but you know...

[1:20 Hux]: You should probably be on time then.

[1:20 Unknown]: Yeah, people keep telling me that.

The three dots indicating he was writing another message appeared, and Hux waited before he wrote anything back. Then the three dots disappeared without any new message coming through, so Hux decided not to answer.

Five minutes later, another text from Kylo ticked in.

[1:26 Unknown]: I’m sorry for being a dick, I guess.

Hux arched an eyebrow at that.

[1:26 Hux]: You guess?

[1:28 Unknown]: I’m actually sorry.

[1.29 Hux]: Apology accepted.

Hux smiled at their little text conversation, and before getting back to work, he made sure to save Kylo’s number on his phone.

The evening after, Hux was lounging on his sofa with a book and a cup of tea. Millicent was happily purring on top of his stomach. He was sleepy after a long day at work, and would probably have fallen asleep on the spot if his phone didn't buzz.

[9:44 Kylo]: I don’t know how to do this diary thing.

The corners of Hux’s mouth curled a little upwards at seeing a new text from Kylo.

[9:46 Hux]: Good evening, Kylo. I don’t believe there is a textbook answer to writing a journal.

[9:47 Kylo]: Hello? Yes, I’m trying to reach Armitage Hux. It seems I pressed the wrong button by accident and got the Siri app instead.

[9:47 Hux]: Hilarious.

It was a stupid joke, but Hux chuckled to himself anyway. Then he decided to be serious, considering Kylo had actually reached out for help.

[9:50 Hux]: You remember what you are supposed to do? Write down when and why you get angry, and any emotional turmoil connected with it.

[9:50 Kylo]: Still not convinced I’m not talking to an ai ;)

[9:51 Hux]: …

Kylo didn’t answer after that, so Hux, feeling pretty tired, decided to get ready for bed. While brushing his teeth, he could hear his phone buzzing in the bedroom. He finished brushing and got under the covers, Millicent jumping up and lying down next to him, before he read the new text.

[10:17 Kylo]: I don’t know how to do it. I can plot down when I’ve been angry, and maybe even why. But the feelings stuff…

Hux read the text several times. In the short period of time he had known Kylo, he had come to realise that he had difficulty with the more serious subjects. He tended to joke them away. The fact that he was now admitting to struggling with it, had to be a step for him, and Hux felt like he had to be very careful to not scare him away. He hesitated a little before he texted back.

[10:21 Hux]: Do you want to read what I have written?

Hux couldn't say it wouldn’t be scary to share what he had written. Some of it was quite personal, and he didn't exactly wear his feelings on his sleeve himself. He waited a little anxiously for the reply. It came quickly.

[10:21 Kylo]: Yes. Can we meet up tomorrow?

[10:22 Hux]: Certainly. I can’t leave work until six, but I can meet you somewhere after?

It took some time before Kylo answered, but Hux could see him typing. The three dots danced at the bottom of his screen. Kylo was clearly typing a longer text.

[10:27 Kylo]: This is kinda awkward, but I don’t really go out at night anymore after the paparazzi incident. Could we maybe do it a little more privately? If you’re tired after work, we could meet at your place.

Another text came in right after that one.

[10:27 Kylo]: Or we can just meet some other day. Whatever.

Hux stared at his phone. Kylo wanted to come to his apartment? He understood his reasoning, and it wasn’t that he was completely against it. He was well aware of the paparazzi incident. You would have to live under a rock not to know. It was just so out of the blue, and his stomach was giving him strange vibes. Hux didn’t know what to say, but his fingers did the talking for him.

[10:30 Hux]: Okay.

[10:30 Hux]: Is seven thirty good for you?

[10:31 Kylo:] It’s a date ;)

Hux quickly texted Kylo his address, then put his phone away. It took him a while to fall asleep, as his mind couldn’t seem to relax knowing that Kylo was coming over the next evening.

Hux was, as per usual, ready half an hour earlier than he needed. He had rushed home from work to make sure he had enough time, taken a shower, had dinner and tidied his apartment (although it wasn’t really that much to tidy, he just had to make sure everything was still in exactly the right place).

It was only five past their scheduled time, when Kylo rang his doorbell. He was getting better. Perhaps his talk with Doctor Holdo had actually helped.

“Hey, General Armitage!” Kylo greeted him as Hux let him in, almost filling the entire door with his body. Jesus Christ, he was big.

“Um hey,” Hux greeted him back. “Can you just call me Hux?”

“Hux?” Kylo asked while kicking his combat boots off.

“Yes, my last name. I prefer it.”

Kylo gave him a crooked smile. “Can I call you General Hux?”

Hux rolled his eyes. “Hux will do, thank you.”

He showed Kylo into the living room, where Millicent was lounging at the end of the sofa, now eyeing their new guest with suspicion.

Kylo stuck his hand into his bag to retrieve something. He pulled out a bottle of red wine and presented it to Hux. “Here.”

Hux looked at it, as if not knowing what it was. “You brought wine?”

“I was raised in a respectable household. I was told to bring wine when I visit someone.”

“Are you sure you’re not confusing that with flowers?”

“Did you want flowers from me?” Kylo said jokingly.

“What? No,” Hux said a little quicker than he wanted to.

Hux suddenly felt very flushed. He looked at Kylo, who was approaching Millicent, who, in turn, would probably hiss at him any moment now. Kylo was wearing a beanie. A stupid beanie. Inside. Hux hated beanies. Beanies were for hipsters and layabouts. But on Kylo it didn’t look stupid. It looked cool, and Hux wanted to tear it off him and run his fingers through his luscious hair and…

Fuuuuuck.

“I’ll just go open the wine,” he said, grabbed the bottle and escaped to the kitchen.

Bloody fucking hell! What was that?

He had just had an on the spot beginning of a sexual fantasy about Kylo.

No. No-no-no. This can’t happen, he very clearly commanded his subconscious while uncorking the wine and taking out two wine glasses from the cupboard.

When he walked back into the living room, he found Kylo sitting cross-legged on the floor with Millicent in front of him, giving her scratches. He found the good spot and Millicent toppled over on the floor, presenting her stomach to him.

Millicent didn't like strangers. She was a shelter cat, severely mistreated in her early years, and it had taken Hux months and a whole lot of patience to make her trust him. Whenever someone came over to visit, she would either hide or hiss at them. Or both. She had never so easily accepted anyone like this. Frankly, Hux was a little offended.

And that’s when the baby talk started. “Awww, you’re a sweet one, aren’t you? And all this beautiful, ginger fur. And your soft little jelly beans. No one is as special as you. No, they’re not. You’re perfect,” Kylo cooed while gently massaging her belly with his massive hand.

Is this the Twilight Zone?

Kylo was like a walking contradiction. Looking at him, he came across as an intimidating (and sexy) bad boy, but here he was baby talking to a cat. Hux did that too sometimes, but only when no one was watching.

“She doesn’t like anyone,” Hux pointed out to Kylo.

“Really? She seems so friendly,” said Kylo, squishing one of her back paws between his thumb and index finger. “I don’t know, I’ve always gotten along better with animals. They’re easier than people.”

Hux nodded at that, understanding completely. “I know. People can be difficult.”

Kylo looked at him then - right into his eyes, and for a moment it felt as if he was seeing into Hux’s core, and Hux shivered. He tore himself away from the intense gaze. “Do you want to get started?”

“Yeah, sure,” said Kylo, getting up from the floor and rising to his full length, before he dumped down into the sofa next to Hux.

Hux handed Kylo his newly begun journal. It was leatherbound, like many of the accessories he owned. What could he say? He liked the smell.

“I don’t really have any angry outbursts, but I… er… I have a lot of thoughts.” Hux was feeling incredibly nervous all of a sudden, almost to the point where he was nauseous. He was scared to show this to Kylo - more scared than he thought he would be. Scared he would make a joke out of it or belittle him, like his father always did.

Kylo took the journal without saying anything, opened it and began reading. Hux poured himself a large glass of wine and drank it quickly in a desperate attempt to settle his nerves.

After a while, Kylo put the journal down. “Damn,” he said.

“What?” asked Hux, still afraid.

“You have some pretty dark thoughts, man.”

Hux blushed in horror at that statement, which Kylo seemed to notice.

“But I get it!” he added quickly. “I get it. Except my dark thoughts are always pushing to get out, you know? I sort of release them when I punch things. Not that it lasts very long…” He gave a small nervous laugh.

Hux found some confidence after Kylo’s confession. He wasn't judging him or belittling him. He felt the same way.

“Why can’t you write what you just said?” Hux asked him. “That was a good way of explaining how you feel.”

Kylo shrugged. “I don’t know. I tried to sit down and write something, but I can’t find the words like that. I even went to the fucking library, hoping it might inspire me, but it didn’t work.”

“Wow, you really went to the fucking library?” Hux smirked at him.

“I can be intellectual,” Kylo said, faking offense.

“That’s a big word for a big man,” Hux said, holding back a laugh.

“Just because I’m not a nerd like you, doesn’t mean I can’t use the library.”

“I’m a nerd?”

“The biggest nerd, actually.”

Hux couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer, and Kylo laughed with him. It was strange bantering with someone like this. Hux didn't have a lot of friends, so this kind of interaction was rare to him. But it felt… good.

Kylo seemed to spot something out of the corner of his eye then. Hux followed the direction he was looking in. He had found his guitar.

“Do you play?” Kylo asked, suddenly eager.

“Not that much anymore,” Hux admitted.

“Why not?”

“My father made me take classical lessons when I was younger, but when he couldn't force me to do it anymore as an adult, I pretty much quit out of spite.”

“Too bad,” Kylo said, and he sounded genuinely sad. “Do you mind?”

Hux gestured to the guitar. “Knock yourself out.”

Kylo picked up the guitar and tuned it skilfully. He then tested it out, quickly and proficiently running his left hand up and down the neck of the instrument, picking at the strings with his right. He was just improvising, as far as Hux could tell, but he was really good. Also, he looked really hot.

Stop it.

“By the way,” Kylo said while playing. “You’re a good writer. What you wrote in your diary - it was dark, but it was really good. You should write more.”

Hux snorted. He could only imagine what his father would say if he dropped his financial career for the horrid creative arts. He might as well move into a cardboard box on the street, begging strangers for change.

“Why is that funny?” Kylo asked.

“If you knew my father, you would understand.”

“Why? Doesn’t he want you to do what you want?”

“No,” Hux answered bitterly, pouring some more wine into his glass, noticing that Kylo hadn’t had any, and pouring some for him as well, sliding the glass over to him. Kylo accepted it and drank. “He wants me to do what he wants me to do.”

“Then why do you do it? If it’s not what you want, I mean.”

“I… don’t know,” said Hux. It was the first time someone had asked him that question, and it was the first time he had admitted (at least out loud) that his education and his job, might not be what he wanted in life.

Silence fell between them, but Kylo kept playing. After a while, Hux suddenly realised something. “Kylo!” he burst out.

Kylo stopped playing. “What?”

“You’re a songwriter,” Hux stated.

“That’s part of my job, yes.”

“You can write songs,” Hux said, smiling broadly.

“You already said that.”

“No, I mean, you can write songs instead of writing a journal! It doesn’t matter what form you write in.” Hux was oddly excited about this.

Kylo looked at him, and again Hux got the feeling that he was looking right into the very core of his being. He was very intense.

“Hux,” Kylo said. “You’re a genius.”

They ended their evening not too long after that.

“Thanks for helping me,” Kylo said when he left.

When Hux closed the door behind him, all he could think was, Shit.

Chapter Text

Kylo had set no less than five alarms on his phone to make absolutely sure he wouldn't be late for therapy this time. One every hour until the last hour, where he had set one every half hour, just to be on the safe side. He managed to get there just in time, and was quite proud of himself. He was still the last one to arrive, but he was on time.

When he walked into the room, the first thing he saw was a very shocked Hux.

“Oh my god!” he said when Kylo sat down next to him.

“What? What’s the matter?”

“You’re on time.” Hux looked at his wrist watch. “And with twenty-seven seconds to spare, even.”

Kylo gave him a deadpan look. “You must be so much fun at parties.”

“I’ve been told I’m quite festive, actually.”

“By who? The SS?”

“Whom,” Hux corrected him.

“Nerd,” said Kylo, making an L with his thumb and index finger and placing it on his forehead.

“At least I’m an adult,” Hux responded.

Amilyn stepped forward to talk then, and Kylo was a little annoyed that Hux automatically won their banter round just because therapy started. He had to get him back later.

They started the session with talking about how the previous week had gone. Amilyn pointed out that none of them needed to share or read aloud from their diaries, unless they absolutely wanted to, because that was meant to be private. Kylo was really fucking glad she said that, because he wasn’t about to break into song in front of these people.

He had taken Hux’s advice and started writing lyrics to his anger. It came so much easier to him when he could write with his guitar in his lap, and it was a pretty good way of processing. He didn’t have a full song by any means yet, but he had a lot to work with. He hadn’t shared it with the band, but he had been thinking a lot about it, and he wanted to do a full album.

When they had done the weekly round of sharing and caring, Amilyn spoke, “We’re going to do something new today. We’re going to try to relax.” She smiled secretively at them, and Kylo wondered what she was up to, as there was no chance she was going to let them all take a nap on the floor the rest of the session.

“It’s important for all of you to know how to relax and stay calm in any situation where you feel a surge of anger. To be able to effectively do this, you need to have a close connection between your brain and your body. We’re already working on this with our anger warning signs, and this new method is going to help us improve on that. So, today we’re going to do mindfulness.”

Poe raised his hand and Amilyn let him speak. “And mindfulness is?”

“Mindfulness,” Amilyn explained, “is a form of meditation. The goal of it is to maintain a moment-by-moment awareness of your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment. It can be difficult to maintain focus, but it’s all about practice. It will all be clearer when we try this out. Please put the chairs out of the way, get a mat and a blanket from the shelf over there, and find a spot on the floor to lie down.”

They actually were going to lie down and take a nap. This was gold. Kylo moved his chair to the back wall and found a mat and a blanket for himself. Preparing to lie down, he noticed Hux just standing in the middle of the room, looking very concerned.

Kylo walked over to him. “What’s up?”

“This can’t possibly be hygienic,” he said disapprovingly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

It took a second before Kylo remembered Hux’s need for neatness. “You won’t be lying on the floor,” he pointed out, hoping it would make him chill a little bit.

“I know.”

Okay, no chill.

“Do you not see the state of these mats? They’re stained and have holes in them. Can you imagine how many people have lied on them? They have probably never been cleaned. They’re disgusting,” Hux ranted.

Kylo sighed. Then he went and got another mat and blanket, put the mat down next to his own, put the blanket over it, then grabbed his leather jacket and put that down on top of the blanket. His jacket didn’t cover the whole mat, but it was large enough to cover about half.

“How’s that?” Kylo asked.

Hux looked down at the makeshift bed Kylo had made for him, then back up at Kylo. “I… suppose that’s tolerable.”

Kylo lied down on his own mat and watched as Hux did the same. He looked like he was lying in a coffin - his body stiff as a fucking corpse, with his hands folded on top of his stomach. Kylo quenched a laughter.

Amilyn turned the lights off. “I hope you’ve all made yourselves comfortable. Try your best to focus on my instructions. If you get distracted by other thoughts, simply let them pass, and come back to my voice again. If you struggle to follow along, that’s okay too. Don’t judge yourself, just try your best.”

Amilyn continued, “Now, close your eyes and let’s begin. Breathe in through your right nostril and out through your left. Focus on your breath. Pay attention to how your breath travels through your body - first in through your nose, down through your windpipe and into your lungs. Notice how your chest expands as your lungs fill up with air.”

Kylo found it quite easy to lie with his eyes closed and listen to Amilyn. He had never done this before, but it was very relaxing to follow her instructions, paying attention to all these weird little things his body did.

The only problem was that it made him feel really tired.

He tried not to fall asleep, tried to only focus on Amilyn’s voice, but eventually his body gave in.

He woke up again to someone carefully shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked right into Amilyn’s face.

“You fell asleep,” she said with a mild voice.

“Oh shit, sorry,” Kylo said and got up from the mat.

“It’s okay,” Amilyn told him. “It’s not uncommon.”

Around him, everyone else were packing up their mats and blankets, getting ready to leave. Hux was standing next to him with his jacket in his hands.

“You were certainly relaxed,” Hux commented sourly, handing him the jacket.

“Too much, apparently. How did you get along?”

“I had a long think about the extra work I have to do this month and how best to organize it, because a colleague is out sick for a while. Then I thought about the probability of my father calling me again this week, trying to work out the actual math for that. And then I remembered I have to buy cat food on my way home, which also reminded me that Millicent needs to be taken to the vet soon for her yearly checkup.”

Kylo stared at him. “What the actual fuck, Hux. How did you even have time to cram all that shit into your head in such a short time?”

“My brain works fast,” he answered.

“No shit. You really gotta learn how to turn that thing off,” said Kylo as they left the room together.

The evening after, Kylo was hanging out with Phasma in their apartment. Phasma had cooked for them - a really nice dish with steak, garlic roasted potatoes, grilled tomatoes and mashed parsnips. They had absolutely stuffed their faces with it. Now they were both lying on the sofa, too full from all the food they had eaten, catching up on the latest season of Game of Thrones.

Kylo’s phone buzzed. It was a text from Mitaka, asking him if he could borrow some of Kylo’s private recording equipment. Kylo was just about to text him back, when he noticed Phasma side-eyeing him from the other end of the couch.

“What?” said Kylo.

“Are you texting stick-up-his-ass?” she asked him, teasingly.

“No,” Kylo answered truthfully.

She went back to watching Game of Thrones, and Kylo texted Mitaka back, telling him that yes, he could of course borrow his equipment.

“Have you fucked him yet?” Phasma suddenly asked, keeping her eyes on the screen.

“What the fuck, Phas?”

“Have you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Kylo rolled his eyes. “I don’t fuck every single guy that come my way, you know.”

Phasma turned to him, raising her eyebrows. “Except you do?”

Kylo groaned, switched position on the sofa and stared very intently at the tv screen, where Brienne of Tarth was in the middle of a sword fight with some guy she was probably about to kill.

“Oh. My. God,” Phasma said. She propped herself up on her elbow. “You like him!”

“No, I don’t,” Kylo protested, probably a little too quickly.

Phasma’s jaw dropped and she stared at him with large, excited eyes. “Yes, you do! Kylo I’m never-ever-ever going to have a serious relationship in my entire life because all people are assholes Ren, actually likes someone!”

“Phasma,” he warned her.

“Kylooo,” she nagged him back.

“I’m not talking about this.”

“Kylo, come on. This is a good thing!”

Kylo got up from the sofa. “I’m going to bed.”

“It’s eight o’clock.”

“Still going to bed.”

“Are you going to jerk off to stick-up-his-ass?”

Kylo just kept walking towards his room.

“You are, aren’t you!” Phasma yelled after him.

Kylo held up his middle finger to her before he rounded the corner to the hallway where his bedroom was.

He dumped down on the bed and decided to try a mindfulness app he had downloaded after yesterday’s therapy session. This might be the week where he would shine. He was good at relaxing. People probably didn’t think so because of his anger, but he was. When he was alone, he was usually super chill. Zen even. It was people that pissed him off. Unfortunately, the world was full of people.

He set his phone to flight mode so he wouldn't be disturbed, put his earphones in and did a thirty minute guided session where a pre-recorded voice went through a lot of the same things that Amilyn had done. He expected to get tired again, but he didn’t this time, and when it finished, he actually felt more awake.

When he turned flight mode off again on his phone, there was, funnily enough, a text from Hux waiting.

[8:14 Hux]: How are you doing with the mindfulness?

[8:32 Kylo]: Pretty decent actually. I’m good at relaxing.

[8:34 Hux]: I’m not.

[8:34 Kylo]: No way! But you come across as such a laid-back guy.

[8:35 Hux]: -_-

Kylo laughed a little to himself. It was kind of cute how uncomfortable Hux had been in therapy yesterday when they did the mindfulness. Kylo still wondered if he had freaked out more about having to let go of control, or about having to lie down on the old gym mat.

He started writing a new text to Hux, but then he deleted it again. It was probably a bad idea. If Hux wasn’t interested, it could backfire and ruin their anger management partnership. But Kylo really wanted to, and impulse control had never been his thing, so…

[8:43 Kylo]: Do you need help relaxing?

He thought about adding a winky face, but figured that might be a little too much, even for him. This way the text might still be read as an innocent offer to help. Sort of. If you were completely unfamiliar with flirting, which, to be honest, might be the case with Hux.

Kylo lied still on his bed for a while, waiting for Hux to answer, but he didn’t.

Shit.

He picked up one of his guitars and started practicing scales, just to have something to do. Damn it, he had fucked up, hadn’t he?

Shit. Balls. Fuck.

The next therapy session was going to be awkward. He kept playing, jumping from scales to actual melodies, trying to ignore how he had probably just done something really stupid.

When his phone finally buzzed, Kylo almost threw his guitar across the room to get to it. It was a new text from Hux. He didn't even have to unlock the screen to read it.

[9:27 Hux]: I think I would like that.

Well shit.

[9:27 Kylo]: Friday at seven? Your place?

[9:28 Hux]: See you then.

Kylo almost couldn’t believe that had worked. Now all he had to do was be ready for Friday. He should probably actually prepare some mindfulness stuff, just in case Hux was still oblivious to flirting, and his reply was totally random and didn’t mean that he might be interested in Kylo too.

Kylo groaned and put his arm over his face. Why was Hux having this effect on him? Why was he so fucking different and interesting? Kylo wanted to know things about him - like what his favourite color was, and shit like that.

And why was he so hot? His cheekbones were so sharp, Kylo was sure he could cut glass with them.

He shoved his hand into his pants, finding his cock already half hard. He was totally going to jerk off to Hux. Phasma didn’t have to know.

Two days later, Kylo showed up at Hux’s apartment. He was a little nervous, which wasn’t like him. He had also spent an unusually long time in the bathroom, getting ready, which Phasma had made sure to point out, before he had told her to fuck off royally.

Hux was looking abnormally casual and stupidly sexy in blue jeans and a simple white t-shirt (and Kylo bit the inside of his cheek because he just realised how much he wanted those clothes to not be on him). Only his combed hair gave away his true nature, and Kylo wanted to mess it up.

“No wine this time?” Hux asked him jokingly.

“No, sorry,” Kylo laughed.

“What happened to being from a respectable home?”

“I didn’t bring any flowers either. I straight up suck.”

Hux gave him a quick glance before turning away. Was he… blushing?

“So, what are we doing?” Hux asked.

Getting naked?

Kylo cleared his throat. “I thought we could use this app I downloaded.”

Hux looked a little skeptical at him.

“No, it’s good,” Kylo explained. “It does the exact same thing Amilyn did during therapy. And we can do it together.”

“Okay. Do you want to do it on the floor?”

Oh my fucking god.

This time Hux was definitely blushing.

He tried to cover up his little blunder, which only made it worse, but he was fucking adorable. “I mean, do you want to lie down on the floor? Do the mindfulness thing on the floor?”

Okay, there was definitely sexual tension between them, and Kylo wasn’t the only one feeling it. This was good. It made him more confident.

“Yeah, let’s do it on the floor,” Kylo said, testing the waters.

Hux stared at him. His ears were reder than his hair. Kylo had to keep himself from grinning. Oh yes, Hux was definitely interested.

“Can you dim the lights? To set the mood.” If there was any doubt, Kylo was not talking about mindfulness anymore.

“Um… yeah.”

Kylo lied down on Hux’s wooden living room floor. “Now you,” said Kylo and patted the floor next to him.

Hux lied down next to him, very obviously tense.

“You’re stiff as a board, dude. Relax. Take a deep breath.”

Hux did as he was told. He took a deep breath, and his muscles did seem to loosen up a bit.

“Good,” Kylo told him. “Now, close your eyes.”

Hux closed his eyes, and Kylo found himself just looking at him for a while: his chest moving up and down (he was breathing a little fast), those sharp cheekbones Kylo had been dreaming of, and his pale pink lips. Shit, Kylo desperately wanted to kiss them.

It was now or never, and Kylo wasn’t one to miss a chance, so he leaned over Hux and kissed him. It was a short kiss, but it was enough to get a feel of how soft his lips were, and that there was a sweet taste to him.

Hux opened his eyes and blinked up at him, his bright green eyes almost sparkling in the dim light, his lips slightly parted and wet after the kiss. He was fucking beautiful like that, and Kylo could swear they were having a moment.

Then Hux grabbed Kylo’s t-shirt by the neck and pulled him down towards him, initiating another kiss. Somewhat demandingly, he parted Kylo’s lips with his tongue, finding his way into his mouth, and Kylo gladly let him.

Kylo ran his thumb over Hux's jawline, feeling a very light stubble, and continuing up to his temple and into his hair. He tugged at it slightly, messing it up like he had wanted to, before guiding his hand further back to the nape of Hux’s neck, letting it rest there.

They made out like eager teenage school boys for a while, hands going everywhere, not knowing what part of the other’s body to touch first, and not having the patience to explore slowly. Kylo was hard in an instant.

Greedily, Hux bit down on Kylo’s lower lip, and Kylo liked - no, strike that - loved how he did that. But then Hux went too far, and Kylo’s lip ruptured. Kylo pulled back, feeling the mild taste of iron on the tip of his tongue. He ran his thumb across his bottom lip, finding blood, then looked down at Hux. He didn’t even seem remotely sorry. He just looked at him with very hungry eyes.

“You’re not going to apologise for drawing blood?” Kylo asked him, pretending to be upset with him, while in reality he didn’t give a single fuck. All he cared about was having more of Hux.

Hux got up on his knees and put a hand on Kylo’s chest, pushing him backwards onto the floor. “I won’t apologise for wanting to devour you.”

Then he climbed on top of Kylo, straddling him, his thighs clasping tightly around his hips.

Well fuck.

Hux leaned down to his left ear, slowly licking it from the earlobe and up, and Kylo could do nothing but close his eyes and enjoy the sensation as Hux moved to his neck, planting sloppy kisses on it. Soon enough, he was grinding on Kylo, and Kylo grabbed onto Hux’s hips. As he enjoyed the delicious friction between them, he wondered what Hux’s cock looked like. He wondered what it tasted like. He wondered if it was nestled in the same glorious shade of copper as his hair.

“I really wanna see your cock,” Kylo breathed in a low voice.

Hux stopped nibbling on Kylo’s collarbone then. He pulled back, tilted his head and studied him. Then he crawled off him and stood up.

“Come with me,” Hux said and walked out of the living room.

Kylo scrambled to his feet and followed Hux into his bedroom, where the redheaded man sat down at the footend of a large, neatly made up bed. Kylo moved towards him, but before he could actually get close to him, Hux spoke.

“Stop,” he said. His voice was clear, commanding.

Kylo froze, staring at him with an almost terrified expression.

Please don’t tell me you’re stopping this now. Fuck. Please don’t.

Kylo was feeling a little desperate - more desperate than he normally was for a fuck. There was something about Hux that turned him on more than usual. And it wasn’t just the thought of what he would look like naked, spreadeagle below Kylo.

“Strip,” Hux then told him.

“What?” Kylo asked. He wasn’t sure if he had heard Hux correctly.

“You heard me,” Hux repeated casually.

He had heard him correctly. On the bed, Hux crossed one of his legs over the other. He leaned forward, elbow on his knee, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. He raised both his eyebrows slightly, saying, “I’m waiting.”

Kylo wasn’t quite sure what was happening. This was a side of Hux he hadn’t seen before. This was a side of Hux he never would have guessed existed. But he found himself obeying his commands, first pulling his t-shirt over his head and throwing it on the floor. Kylo was proud of his body. He had worked hard on it, and he looked at Hux to see if he was somehow reacting to him, but he was hard to read at the moment. He just sat there, patiently waiting. But Kylo was confident that Hux liked what he saw, considering his comment earlier.

He removed his socks before he unbuttoned his black jeans and dropped them to the floor, stepping out of them, leaving him only in his boxers.

Hux smirked at him. “Go on.”

Kylo hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers, then slowly pulled them off, giving his cock the sweet release it had been begging for. He was completely naked now, standing in front of Hux in his full glory. Hux’s gaze went to Kylo’s feet, before it traveled upward, lingering momentarily on his blushing cock (to Kylo’s great satisfaction), before he met his eyes.

“I want you to pleasure yourself in front of me,” Hux told him matter-of-factly. Then he leaned back on the bed, resting his weight on the palms of his hands, uncrossing his legs and spreading them slightly instead. There was no hiding the defined bulge in his pants.

Kylo didn’t have to be told twice. He licked his right thumb, before he reached down and grabbed his own cock, pulling his foreskin back. He circled his wet thumb on the head, spreading out the drop of precome that was there. Then he dragged his hand over his full length, sighing at the pleasure. He looked at Hux again. He was paying close attention to every move he made.

Kylo never thought he would like being told what to do, but he did. He really did. It was such a fucking turn-on having Hux take control like this, watching him while he touched himself. He kept stroking himself, his breath gradually growing more shallow. Eventually, he closed his eyes, and that’s when Hux spoke again.

“Stop,” he told Kylo.

Kylo did as he was told. He opened his eyes again and let out a deep, shaky breath as he let go of his cock. Hux had stood up and moved away from the bed.

“Come here.”

Kylo walked towards him, and when he reached him, Hux grabbed his chin, pulling him to him and licking him across the lips before engaging him in a passionate kiss. Hux’s hands trailed down his stomach, closing in on his cock, and Kylo was absolutely aching to be touched by those long, slender fingers. But just as he thought Hux would wrap his delicate digits around him, he surprised him by instead getting on his knees and taking a great, big lick of his cock.

Kylo jerked at the sensation, and Hux grinned. Then he wet his lips and wrapped his mouth around the head of Kylo’s cock, teasing him with his tongue by pushing into his slit.

“Oh fuck!” Kylo let out.

Hux moved down on his cock, taking in as much of him as he could, almost managing to get all the way down to the root of him, before he had to pull back. He gave him another broad stroke with his tongue before putting him in his mouth again, this time using one of his hands to help as he worked back and forth, back and forth, slowly building up the pace. Kylo moaned, throwing his head back at the insanely and ridiculously delicious sensation of having Hux’s lips wrapped around him. Hux sucked hard as he moved his other hand to his balls, squeezing testingly.

“Fuck! Shit, Hux!” Kylo cried out, grabbing Hux’s shoulders and pushing him away. He was afraid he would explode in his mouth if he kept going.

“Is something the matter?” Hux asked him innocently, with a devilish grin on his face, looking up at Kylo from in front of his glistening cock.

“I just need to catch my breath a little here,” said Kylo, swallowing hard and running his fingers through his black unruly hair.

“I’ll allow it,” Hux told him and stood up.

He was still fully dressed, and he still had a hard-on under those blue jeans that Kylo very much wanted to get his hands on.

“Are you ever gonna take your fucking clothes off?” Kylo asked him.

“No,” said Hux.

Kylo’s face fell. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy the treatment he was getting (because he was, he really was), but he wanted to see Hux. He wanted to feel his skin against his, and touch him and lick him and bite him, and grab his ass to find out whether his asscheeks would fit as nicely into the palms of his hands as he had imagined.

“You are,” Hux followed up.

Kylo blinked. His mouth dropped open a little. Hux was really fucking with him, and normally he would punch anyone who made a fool of him like this. But that was just it. He knew Hux wasn’t making a fool of him. This wasn’t a setup or a trap. This was a game. They were both playing. Hux was just the game leader.

Carefully, Kylo reached out for Hux, his hands almost trembling as he grabbed the hem of his white t-shirt and pulled it off him. He was as smooth and pale as marble. Like the statue of David. No, more than David. Like a Greek god, and Kylo would worship him like a dog if Hux asked him to.

Scattered on top of the marble, were hundreds and hundreds of tiny beauty marks, spreading from his shoulders, down his arms and his chest to his stomach and beyond. Kylo grabbed him and pressed his own face to Hux’s chest, licking his nipples, taking in the smell and taste of his skin.

“Kylo,” Hux spoke.

“Mhmmm?” Kylo purred in between planting kisses on him.

“I don’t believe you’re quite finished with your task yet.”

No, he wasn't. Hux was still very much wearing his pants. Kylo tore himself away from Hux’s chest. His hands reached down to unbutton his jeans, but he stopped.

“Can you lie down?”

“I could, but wouldn’t it better if you laid me down?”

Kylo narrowed his eyes slightly, and Hux gave him a crooked smile in return.

Fuck it, Kylo thought, bent down and picked Hux up (he was light), who very cheekily wrapped his legs around his waist. Kylo carried him the short distance to the bed, where he halfway threw him onto the perfectly made bedding, messing it up, which Hux probably wouldn’t approve of under any other circumstances. He then pulled Hux toward him, his ass at the end of the bed, and unbuttoned his jeans, finding, to his surprise and great delight, that Hux was going commando. Just as Kylo had thought, ginger curls peaked out at him.

“Lift,” he told Hux, and he lifted his ass, making it easy for Kylo to slide his pants off, along with the socks on his feet.

Finally. Finally, Hux was as naked as Kylo was, and he was lying on that large bed, his cock curving upwards to his stomach, begging Kylo for his attention. Hux moved back on the bed again, and Kylo crawled after him like a hungry animal moving in on its prey, his mouth watering.

“There are condoms and a bottle of lube in that nightstand. Get them,” said Hux, and Kylo reached over him to retrieve them both. He couldn’t move fast enough.

Lube in hand, Kylo squeezed some out and coated his fingers with it. He bent down on Hux, planting warm kisses on the inside of his left thigh, and Hux sighed gratefully at the touch.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Kylo told him. “I want you so bad. You have no idea.”

“I have an inkling,” Hux smirked back at him, just as Kylo pressed a trying index finger into him and made Hux moan loudly. Fuck yes, that was exactly the reaction he was looking for, happy to finally see his cheeky lover lose some control.

Kylo slowly finger-fucked Hux, watching him intently as Hux closed his eyes, his breath getting heavier. He then carefully pressed a second finger into him, and Hux responded by arching his back in pleasure.

He realised then that he needed Hux’s flushed cock. He needed the taste of it in his mouth. While continuing to finger-fuck him, a little faster now, Kylo dived down on Hux, swallowing him whole on the first try, only gagging a little in the process.

“Oh fuck,” Hux moaned as Kylo crooked his fingers inside him, finding the sweet spot, while sucking hard on his cock.

“Another one,” Hux demanded him.

Kylo looked up at him then, letting go of Hux’s cock with his mouth, and asked, “Are you sure?”

“Fuck yes, I’m sure,” Hux said impatiently, almost annoyed. “Do as I say! And don’t stop sucking me off.”

“Yes, sir,” Kylo answered him, inserting a third finger into Hux’s ass and bending down to take him in his mouth again.

Hux was writhing underneath him now, his fingers gripping at the sheets, as Kylo pressed against his prostate with his fingers with every push into him. Kylo moved up and down on his cock, feeling it twitch slightly every time the head of it touched the back of his throat.

“Fuck me, Kylo. Now,” commanded Hux, and Kylo slipped his fingers out of him. He reached for the condom he had readied next to him, ripped it open with his teeth and rolled it onto his cock.

Hux bit his own lip as Kylo grabbed his hips and lined himself up at his entrance. Kylo pushed into him, stretching Hux even wider than his fingers had, and they both groaned in pleasure. Hux threw his head back on the bed again, letting Kylo take the reigns. He wanted to go slow, but he couldn’t. He was too turned on by now, and all he wanted was to fuck Hux raw.

It didn’t take long for Kylo to build up a quick pace, having Hux practically bounce underneath him every time he pounded into him. He panted, enjoying the filthy sound their bodies made when his balls hit Hux’s asscheeks. Sweat was starting to run down his forehead and Kylo knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

“Come here,” Hux said in a raspy voice. He pulled his legs up and Kylo down to him and somehow made it possible for Kylo to go even deeper. He dug his fingers into Kylo’s shoulder blades, managed to press a kiss against his lips before he buried his head in the crook of his neck.

Their bodies so closely entwined and Kylo rocking in and out of Hux at full speed, was undoubtedly creating some delicious friction for Hux’s cock, that was trapped between them. Kylo wanted him to come first. He wanted to be awake and sharpened when Hux orgasmed. He wanted to experience it fully. He held back his own to the best of his abilities, as he pushed up into Hux and rubbed up against his cock at the same time.

“Oh god,” Hux whimpered below him into his neck, and Kylo could feel his body begin to tremble. “Oh god!”

Hux shook underneath him and bit hard into Kylo’s shoulder as he came, his sperm spilling out between them. Kylo barely noticed the pain from the bite, because as Hux climaxed, he tightened around Kylo’s cock, and Kylo, being right on the edge, couldn’t hold back his own orgasm anymore.

Kylo almost screamed as he gave one final push into Hux, coming harder than he could remember having come before, and he swore he saw stars at that moment before he completely collapsed on top of Hux.

He stayed liked that for a while, enjoying his postorgasmic haze. Hux gave him a soft kiss on the forehead and stroked his hair lovingly with his hand.

“Kylo,” said Hux, his voice only a whisper now.

“Mhmmm,” Kylo muttered back at him, dangerously close to falling asleep right where he was, his limp cock still inside Hux.

“You’re a little heavy.”

Kylo’s eyes sprung open. “Oh shit, I’m sorry!”

He lifted himself up with a little difficulty, Hux’s sticky cum stuck to his stomach. Then he slid out of Hux and rolled over next to him.

“There are tissues in the same bedside table as the lube and condoms. If you wouldn’t mind handing it to me.”

Hux wasn’t commanding him now. Kylo guessed that stopped when the sex ended. He found the box of tissues (not just a regular paper container, but a fancy metal one), grabbed some himself and handed the rest to Hux. He removed his condom and cleaned himself off.

“So, you’re kinda bossy in bed, huh,” said Kylo, not able to hold back a grin.

“Shut up,” said Hux, flinging his arm out and hitting Kylo right in the chest.

“Ouch!” Kylo cried out in mock pain. He found some renewed strength and leaned over Hux to kiss him. Hux tried to push him off, but Kylo simply pinned his slim wrists down.

Kylo licked the cupid’s bow of Hux’s upper lip, before he gave him a proper kiss. “It was really fucking hot.”

Hux glared at him, but there was a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. “Then get off me, and maybe I’ll allow you to do that to me again.”

Kylo gave him one more kiss before getting off him. Instead, he found himself doing something unusual: he snuck his left arm underneath Hux’s head and his right around his waist, initiating a spoon. Kylo was pretty sure he had never spooned anyone before in his life. But this was actually quite nice.

Hux stiffened at first when Kylo snuggled up to him, but then he accepted it, and settled into Kylo’s arms with a soft sigh.

“Are you relaxed now?” Kylo asked him, kissing his neck.

Hux let out a small laugh. “Yes, thank you. Very much so.”

It didn’t take long before they were both fast asleep.

Chapter Text

Hux woke up Saturday morning in someone’s arms. He was used to sleeping alone, and finding himself in an embrace like this made him very confused at first. On the occasion that he brought a man home, he would always ask them to leave when they were done, as Hux wanted his own space when he slept, and he couldn’t deal with the awkward morning after-talk.

But here he was, having slept through an entire night in another man’s arms. Hux turned around to look at the perpetrator.

Kylo.

Last night had been a touch of heaven what sex was concerned. Kylo had been very satisfying. Not only that, he had so easily and willingly taken his little commands.

Yes, Hux liked to be the boss in bed. He liked to tell the other man what to do and exactly how to do it. He liked to praise and reward them when they did well, but he also wasn’t against a bit of scolding if they didn't listen to him.

The memories of their night before, made Hux’s cock twitch. He wouldn’t mind a repeat of that.

He looked at Kylo’s face: at the moles that were scattered across it; at the large nose and pouty lips; at the little crease between his dark eyebrows. And at that gorgeous head of hair. He was still sleeping soundly. Perhaps Hux could wake him up with a little surprise. He was positive Kylo would appreciate it.

He let his fingers run down Kylo’s abs to his cock. It was limp at the moment, but it wouldn't be for long. Very carefully, he wrapped his fingers around the head of it and began stroking it. He did it slowly, lazily almost, just to wake it and Kylo up.

Kylo stirred next to him in bed, sighing a little in his sleep. His cock quickly turned hard in Hux’s hand, and Hux decided to speed up just a little.

And that’s when Hux’s phone buzzed.

Not now.

Hux tried to ignore it. It was Saturday. He didn’t have to answer. He had Kylo in his bed, for god’s sake, and his hand wrapped around his cock. He was minutes away from another fuck.

The phone kept buzzing.

God damn it!

He let go of Kylo and reached for the phone. The caller id showed Brendol Hux. He got out of bed quickly, still very much naked, and grabbed his trousers from the floor on the way out of the bedroom.

“Father,” he answered.

“Armitage. You took an awfully long time answering the phone.”

Hux tried to get his trousers on with one hand while holding his phone in the other. He struggled, but finally managed.

I’m sorry, father, I was busy wanking off Kylo Ren. You know, the rock star? Senator Leia Organa’s son? You know her, I believe, Hux imagined himself saying.

But of course he didn't say that. He said, “I was asleep.”

“It’s ten o’clock,” his father commented disapprovingly.

“It’s Saturday,” Hux retorted.

He was in the kitchen now, where Millicent rubbed up against his legs, silently asking for food and attention. He started the water boiler to make himself some tea, before he pulled the dry food out of the cupboard and filled up her food bowl. Millicent happily digged in.

“Don’t talk back to me, Armitage.”

A pair of strong arms wrapped around Hux’s waist then, pulling him in, lips pressing a kiss to the sensitive spot right below his ear. Hux shivered. He wanted to enjoy it. He wanted to drop his stupid phone into the water boiler, cut his father off, and have Kylo fuck him right over the kitchen worktop.

But he couldn't.

Hux turned around in Kylo's arms (and he would have liked to care about the fact that he was still naked and hard), gave him a quick smile, and mouthed a very clear stop to him.

“I’m sorry, I’m just a little tired,” Hux told his father. That was a lie. He was surprisingly rested, although his stress levels were increasing every minute he was on the phone.

Kylo was completely ignoring Hux’s orders, apparently finding it funny to shower kisses all over his upper body, moving downwards and, oh my god, was he trying to unbutton his jeans?

Hux pushed Kylo back with an annoyed expression and escaped into the living room.

“What was is you were calling about?” Hux asked his father, nervous he might have heard Kylo in the background.

“I wanted to let you know that I will be coming to New York in two weeks.”

Hux swallowed. He hadn’t seen his father since the last time he was in DC, where the event had occurred. “You’re coming here?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, of course not,” said Hux quickly.

“Excellent, because I want to meet with you.”

Hux went silent for a moment and a huge knot tightened in his stomach. “Um… yes, of course. Send me the details and I’ll make a reservation somewhere.”

“I’ll have my assistant send it to you. Have a good day, Armitage.”

He hung up and Hux was left feeling deflated. He turned to walk back into the kitchen, but found Kylo leaning against the corner wall to the living room. He was dressed now.

“Kylo,” Hux began with an exasperated sigh. “You can’t disturb me while I’m on the phone.”

“Was it really that important?” he asked with a crooked smile.

“Yes, as a matter of fact. It was my father.” Kylo’s cheeky smile made Hux feel like he wasn’t taking him seriously.

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Oh, you mean your dick dad who wants you to dance to his tune for the rest of your life?”

Hux just stared at him.

Kylo shrugged. “You were the one who said that.”

“He may be a dick, but I can’t just blow him off.”

Hux was really annoyed now. Partly because his father had called him in the first place and partly because he was coming to New York, but also because Kylo was giving him this attitude. He didn’t need any judgement from him.

“Why not? You clearly don’t like how he treats you.”

“It’s complicated.”

Kylo crossed his arms. “How fucking complicated can it be to tell him to fuck off out of your life?”

“Because I’m not like you, Kylo. I don’t tell people to go fuck themselves on a daily basis. And I definitely can’t tell my father, who’s taken care of me since my mother died, to fuck off out of my life, as you so eloquently put it. I don’t do that. I don’t do what you do.”

Hux wasn’t the kind of man that yelled when he fought with someone (on the very few occasions that he did). He wasn't irrational in his anger. He made small, deliberate cuts where he thought it would hurt the most. He was poisonous.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Kylo was getting angry. It wasn't difficult to see. His anger warning signs were everywhere: clenched fists and intent focus on Hux.

“It means that you haven't been in contact with your parents for ages, so maybe you shouldn’t be the one making snarky comments about poor family relations.”

It looked like Kylo wanted to murder him at that. “How the fuck do you even know that?”

“Oh, come on, Kylo. Everyone knows that. Your constantly deteriorating relationship is in the newspapers at least once a month,” Hux threw at him. “Although, I do believe your mother said she was proud of you in a recent interview.”

Hux wasn’t sure what happened then, but it was as if Kylo went from 100 to 0 in seconds. His fists loosened up and he turned away.

“Fuck you, Hux,” he said, before he disappeared into the hallway, where Hux not too long after heard the door slam after him.

It took Hux approximately two hours to understand what an absolute shit he had been. In that time, he had taken a shower, eaten a piece of toast for breakfast, had a cup of tea, noticed that Kylo had left his jacket on the hanger in the hallway, then had a large glass of wine.

Hux was incredibly defensive when it came to his relationship with his father. Their relationship was strained at best, and there were a lot of issues that had never been worked out between them, but instead swept under the rug, because if they weren't mentioned, they obviously didn’t exist. Hux felt inferior around his father, and helpless. And he was ashamed of that. He was ashamed of how he wasn’t able to stand up for himself around him, but instead turned into this whimpering, subservient version of himself.

That’s why he had gotten so mad at Kylo, because Kylo had hit the nail straight on the head. Hux had felt attacked and exposed, and he wasn’t ready to be confronted with his own cowardice.

But what he had said to Kylo, was not okay. Kylo might have been a little too brash and direct, but thinking back, Hux realised he had meant the best.

[1:11 Hux]: I’m sorry.

He didn’t know what else to say.

Kylo didn’t answer, so Hux sent him a couple more texts during the course of the day.

[4:48 Hux]: I shouldn't have said what I said.

[7:22 Hux]: I’m really sorry.

When he went to bed, Hux sent him another text.

[11:58 Hux]: You left your jacket. I’ll bring it to therapy on Tuesday.

Hux didn’t sleep well that night.

On Sunday, Hux got a really stupid idea, but he figured he didn’t have anything to lose because he had already acted like an idiot.

He could send a hundred texts to Kylo, saying he was sorry, but he had a feeling Kylo would see it as empty words. That he needed something more. That he needed Hux to prove that he actually meant it.

So instead of sending him text after text saying I’m sorry, he was going to send him songs. He was going to record snippets of songs on his phone and send it to him. It was cheesy, and Hux was cringing pretty darn hard at what he was about to do, but he was hoping Kylo might like cheesy. He hoped he would at least appreciate what a fool he was about to make of himself, sending poor quality recordings of other people’s songs to a musician.

He spent some time finding the songs he wanted to record, before he got to work. It was quite a while since he had last played the guitar, and it took him a good hour to warm up, but soon enough he found himself playing it without much difficulty. He even found it rather enjoyable, now that it wasn’t being forced upon him.

When he sent off the first recording, Hux felt more nervous than he had in a long time.

[3:47 Hux]: My stupid mouth.m4a

I'm never speaking up again.
It only hurts me.
I'd rather be a mystery
than he desert me. (Hux had given himself some artistic freedom and swapped she with he.)
Oh I'm never speaking up again.
Starting now.

He sent the next recording a couple of hours later.

[6:02 Hux]: Think before I talk.m4a

Maybe I should think before I talk.
I get emotional and words come out all wrong.
Sometimes I'm more honest than I want.
So maybe I should think before, maybe next time I'll think before I talk.

When he went to bed, he sent the third recording.

[10:56 Hux]: Come back.m4a

Lover please, come back to me.
Don’t say goodbye.
You know that I’m sorry I made you blue.
There will never be another boy for me like you.

Hux didn’t intend to send anymore recordings after the three he sent on Sunday, but then he got an even stupider idea while he was at work on Monday. To make a proper fool of himself and really underline how sorry he was, he would send one last recording, singing Justin Bieber’s Sorry.

[7:36 Hux]: Sorry.m4a

Is it too late now to say sorry?
Cause I'm missing more than just your body.
Is it too late now to say sorry?
Yeah I know that I let you down.
Is it too late to say I'm sorry now?

There was still no answer from Kylo when Hux went to bed Monday night. He dearly hoped he would see him in therapy the next day.

In therapy the coming day, Hux was early, as usual, and he sat down in the same spot, as usual. He had brought Kylo’s jacket with him, and he had hung it on the back of the chair next to him.

Hux still hadn’t heard anything from Kylo, and he was scared that he had ruined everything. They had shared one really great night, and then Hux had fucked it up with his stupid mouth.

With only a few seconds to spare, and everyone else already there, Kylo entered the room. He looked around him quickly before his eyes landed on the only available seat, next to Hux. He walked over and sat down.

“Hi,” Hux tried.

Kylo didn’t answer. He didn’t even look at him.

Hux wanted to talk to him, but he couldn’t do that right now because the session was starting.

“Welcome back, everyone,” Doctor Holdo greeted them. “Before we start talking about this week’s new topic, I’m very curious to find out how you all did with the mindfulness on your own. Why don’t we go around the circle, so you can all tell me about it.”

Hux listened as the others shared their mindfulness experiences and waited with partial dread for it to be his turn. He hadn’t actually done his assignment this week, which was very unlike him. That wasn’t to say he hadn’t been relaxed. He had been beyond relaxed a few days ago, but he couldn't exactly tell Doctor Holdo and the rest of the class that his and Kylo’s little mindfulness session had turned into Kylo fucking him into oblivion.

“Armitage?” said Doctor Holdo. “Would you like to tell us how you got on?”

“Um, yes. I… That is, Kylo and I... Kylo showed me this app he downloaded. And he helped me a little bit… er… He’s really good at this sort of thing.”

“How interesting,” Doctor Holdo smiled. “I’m glad Kylo was able to help you.”

“Would you care to tell us about this app?” she asked, turning to Kylo, and Hux fixed his eyes on him too.

“It’s an app called Mindfulness. It pretty much does what you did the last time. It’s good. I’ve used it a few times,” Kylo shrugged.

“Thank you for that recommendation, Kylo. I’ll try it out myself,” she smiled. “Now, onwards to this week’s topic. We’ve already touched upon rating our anger, and we’re going to work more on that this week by starting an anger plan. That means that you are going to make up a plan for what to do in any given situation where anger might occur. If you are prepared beforehand on how to deal with a potential aggressive situation, it is much less likely that you will become angry.”

“An anger plan will differ from person to person,” Doctor Holdo explained. “It is unique and personal to you and your specific circumstances. None of us struggle with the same exact issues. Situations I find difficult, may not be an issue for any of you, and vice versa. That’s why it’s important to build an anger plan that is tailored to your needs.”

Doctor Holdo took a walk inside the circle. “I want you to look at the warning signs you have found, and at your diary. Look at the angry situations you have been in and ask yourselves how those situations could have been handled differently. What could you have done to avoid becoming angry? Could you perhaps have removed yourself from the situation? Or changed the subject of a conversation? Consider situations that may occur where you know you can become angry, and try to build a plan for those situations. Write down suggestions for what to say and what to do, and then try to use them if you find yourself in such a situation.”

Doctor Holdo clapped her hands. “Alright! That’s all for today. Have a great week, everyone!”

As soon as the session ended, Kylo quickly got up and left the room. Hux grabbed his own leather bag and Kylo’s jacket, which he hadn’t taken, and went after him. He found Kylo outside, putting his helmet on, getting ready to get on his motorcycle.

“Kylo, can we talk?”

Kylo didn’t answer.

“Please, Kylo?”

Kylo still didn’t say anything. Instead he bent down to retrieve something from the satchel on his motorcycle.

Hux didn’t know what else he could say or do right now, so he just held Kylo’s jacket out towards him. “At least take your jacket.”

Kylo finally turned around to look at him. He was holding a spare helmet in his hands. He grabbed his jacket, then threw the helmet at Hux, who caught it with a ouf!

“Get on,” he said, mounted the motorcycle and started it up.

Hux looked at Kylo with an expression of absolute horror. He had never been on a motorcycle in his entire life, and there was a good reason for that. Motorcycles were death machines. According to a statistic he had read, motorcycles caused more than four thousand deaths each year in this country alone. It was basically suicide to get on it.

“Are you coming or not? Because if you’re not, I want that helmet back,” said Kylo. He was smirking, and Hux realised: Kylo knew that Hux would hate this. He had planned this.

In any other situation, Hux would never have done this. But this was a crisis of sorts, so he put the helmet on, tightened it as much as he possibly could, and got on the back of the motorcycle.

“Hold on,” Kylo told him.

Hux put his arms around his waist, but he felt a little awkward about it, considering what had happened that weekend and that they still hadn’t actually talked about it.

“Hold on tight,” said Kylo.

He took both of Hux’s arms and pulled them closer around him, so Hux was forced to lean in on his back, pressed up against him.

They set off with a roar, and Hux almost yelped. He understood the importance of holding on tight, because if he wasn’t he would almost certainly fall off the motorcycle and die a horribly painful death. Just for safety’s sake, he hugged Kylo even tighter.

Kylo was a good driver though. He maneuvered through the busy New York traffic with ease. Hux had no idea where they were going, but it looked like he was taking him out of the city.

When they came out on the highway, Kylo sped up, and Hux could swear he saw a light. Not the good kind of light, but the light you see when you’re about to meet your Maker.

“You’re going a little fast!” Hux called to Kylo.

“What was that? You want me to go faster?” Kylo called back, revved the engine and sped up even more.

Hux screamed on the inside, closed his eyes and clung onto Kylo as if his life depended on it, which, in truth, it did.

After a while though, Hux slowly became used to the speed and the feel of the motorcycle. He dared to open his eyes, and he watched the landscape speed past them. He had been clinging to Kylo the whole time, and while it was nice to hold on to him like that, Hux decided to let go just a little and lean back. He could feel the wind on his face as they sped on, and Hux found himself smiling because he suddenly felt free.

Forty-five minutes or so later, they arrived at Bear Mountain state park. Kylo parked the motorcycle and stowed away their helmets, before he ran his fingers through his hair as he so often did, and Hux wanted to jump on him and kiss him.

“This way,” said Kylo and led the way up a small path.

“I’ve never been here before,” Hux admitted.

“I come here to think sometimes.”

They walked next to each other in silence for a while. Hux kept shooting looks at Kylo, but Kylo didn’t look at him. He didn’t seem angry anymore, but Hux still felt the need to say something.

“I’m sorry for what I said.”

“It’s okay,” said Kylo.

Hux stopped walking. “No, Kylo, it’s not. I don’t know anything about your relationship to your parents. Tabloid articles don’t count. What I said was uncalled for. To use your words: I was an asshole.”

Kylo stopped too and turned towards Hux. “Okay, fine, you were an asshole.”

“But then you made up for it,” he added.

He grabbed both of Hux’s hands and smiled before he leaned in and gave Hux a kiss, and Hux felt himself melt into a puddle.

“You have a pretty good voice,” Kylo told him when he pulled away.

Hux cringed. “Oh god, no.”

Kylo started walking again, but he held onto Hux’s hand. “No, you do. Especially that Justin Bieber song. That was A grade quality music.”

Hux laughed. “See, I knew you would like that.”

“I loved it,” said Kylo and turned to him again.

There it was again. That piercing look that made Hux feel completely stripped of all defenses. He had to take a deep breath.

“I guess my relationship to my parents is complicated too,” Kylo then said. “I moved out when I was seventeen, and I haven’t seen them since. They’re just so different from me, you know? Everything they want from life, is pretty much the opposite of what I want. When I was younger, I didn’t believe that they were my real parents. I used to think I was adopted.”

Hux didn’t say anything. He let Kylo speak. It seemed like he needed it.

“It always felt like they didn’t care when I was a kid. They were always away, and when I started acting out, they ignored it. Who does that? What kind of parents ignore that their kid gets into fights several times a week?”

Hux just shook his head.

“And don’t you think it’s weird that they’ve never contacted me? I mean, I know I told them to fuck off and never contact me again, but I was seventeen and a fucking idiot. We’re in the same city. It wouldn’t be hard for them to find out where I live. Or give me a fucking call or something.”

That wasn’t a rhetorical question. Kylo looked at Hux and wanted an answer, as if he was the one that could give it to him.

“I don’t know,” Hux said honestly. “Maybe… maybe they genuinely think you want them to stay away.”

Kylo went silent for a little while, before he said, “I used to want that.”

“And now?” Hux asked him.

“I don’t even know. I haven’t seen them in ages.”

“Well,” Hux began, and he realised he was on shaky ground. He wanted to give advice, but at the same time he didn’t want to step on any toes. This was obviously a very sensitive subject to Kylo. “Maybe it would be good if you saw each other again? Just to have a talk. See how it goes.”

“Maybe,” was all Kylo said. But Hux didn’t think that was a bad answer at all. A maybe meant that he would think about it.

The path they had walked on, opened up into a small plateau, and in front of them Hux saw a beautiful view of a forest clad valley stretching on for what seemed like forever, and a still lake down below. The sunset had just begun. Hux gasped. He rarely left the city, and the only nature he saw were the city parks.

“It’s beautiful!” he said in amazement.

Kylo came up behind him and slipped his arms around his waist, resting his head on Hux’s shoulder. They stood like that for a while, enjoying the view and each other, and Hux felt ridiculously happy.

Until he remembered something, and his shoulders sank and the air went out of him so quickly it was as if someone had punched him in the stomach.

“What’s the matter?” Kylo asked.

“My father is coming to the city in two weeks. That’s what he called to tell me on Saturday. And I don’t know what to do.”

Kylo unwrapped himself from around Hux, took his hand and led him over to a bench. “What do you want to do?” he asked when they had sat down.

Hux could feel himself become his usual mess when his father was brought up. He got nervous and his palms became clammy. “I just wish… I wish he would…” but he broke himself off.

Hux’s eyes went to the ground. He felt so shameful. So small. He swallowed hard. There was a giant lump in his throat and all of a sudden he was feeling all these emotions. He was so bloody happy that he was right here right now with Kylo, and he was mad at his father for everything, but most of all he was angry at himself for being this weakling who couldn’t stand up for himself. And he’d be damned if this was the time when he would cry for the first time since he came to this country and his father had shook him and told him that boys don’t cry.

Kylo reached out for him and tilted his chin up with his hand. “Jesus Christ, Hux, look at what he’s doing to you.”

And then Kylo pulled him into an embrace, and Hux couldn’t stop himself from sobbing quietly into his chest. He was still overwhelmed by shame, but at the same time it felt good to cry.

When the tears stopped, Hux pushed away from Kylo. “I’m sorry,” he sniffled.

“No,” said Kylo. “Don’t be sorry. You needed that.”

He was right. Hux did need that. He really did.

“Do you want to know why I’m in therapy?” Hux asked, even surprising himself with the question.

“Sure, if you want to tell me,” said Kylo.

“My father and stepmother hosted a party at their house in DC a few months ago. It was fancy. Mostly politicians. During dinner, there was a discussion, and I disagreed with my father. He didn’t like that, so he reprimanded me in front of everyone.“

Kylo didn’t say anything, just waited for Hux to tell him more.

“I had had a couple of glasses of wine, and I was fed up. So I stood up at the table, told him that he could jam the party up his ass, and then I left.”

Kylo looked at him. He seemed a little confused. “I don’t want to undermine what happened, but… is that all you did?”

“You don’t understand,” Hux explained. “I embarrassed him. I didn’t behave like the perfect pious son he had raised me to be. I defied him. In public, no less. In his eyes, what I did was an outburst of epic proportions, and my actions are close to irredeemable.”

Hux continued, “He came down on me like thunder over the next days, and made me realise that what I had done was wrong. He made me feel so ashamed, I could barely even stand to think about it. He kept bringing it up, and he’s still bringing it up. And then he insisted that I go to therapy, because I need to get a grip on my anger.”

“Hux,” said Kylo. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You just defended yourself.”

“I’m beginning to understand that,” Hux nodded. “I’m finally starting to see him for what he really is.”

Hux suddenly felt angry. No, not just angry. There was a full on rage building in him. It was as if the tears had held the anger back, but now it was surfacing. Hux stood up from the bench, found a rock and threw it off the plateau.

“Do you know that I didn’t even know who he was until my mum died? That’s when he decided to reveal himself and take me in. And raise me in his image, as if he was doing me some kind of a fucking favour!”

Hux threw another rock.

“Eleven years! He wasn’t part of my life for eleven years!

Another rock.

“All the bullshit he put me through! He wouldn't let me have dinner if I didn’t get As on my tests. He locked me in my room until he thought I had studied enough. If I came home too late, he would make me stand in front of him in his office, with my arms stretched out, for hours. And he expects me to be grateful!”

Hux grabbed one last rock, and as he threw it, he screamed as loud as he possibly could, his voice echoing across the valley. As loud as he had never been before in his life. As loud as he had never been allowed to be.

He was panting at the end of it, finally having found some release for years of pent-up frustration.

And then Kylo was there, and he was hugging him and comforting him, and it felt so good to have someone who supported him.

“It’s okay,” Kylo told him. “He’s not going to do those things to you anymore.”

Hux clung to Kylo like a needy child, pressing himself up against him, not able to get close enough.

“It’s okay,” Kylo told him again and again, while holding him and kissing him on the forehead.

Hux didn’t know how long they stood like that, but the sun had finally set by the time he was able to tear himself away from Kylo.

Kylo held onto his hand and looked at him with eyes that promised protection.

“Come on,” he said. “I’ll take you home.”

Chapter Text

“Kylo! Wake up!”

There was a loud banging on Kylo’s door and Phasma was roaring at him from the other side.

What the fuck?

Kylo reached for his phone and squinted at the bright light it gave off. It was barely eight o’clock in the morning. He put it down again, but halfway noticed in a tired haze that he had several missed calls and a bunch of unread text messages.

“Go away, Phas!” Kylo called back at his roommate and pulled one of his pillows over his head to block her out.

“I’m not fucking kidding here, Kylo! Get out here! It’s really important!”

For fuck’s sake…

Kylo threw the pillow he had just pulled over his head, at the door. Then he rolled out of bed, grunting, and went to open the door, shooting daggers at Phasma when he saw her.

“What?!”

Phasma was holding her laptop in her arms. “I’m sorry,” she sighed with a serious expression and turned the laptop so he could see the screen.

Her laptop was open on an online tabloid site with a headline that read:

KYLO REN CAUGHT IN THE ACT WITH MALE LOVER

Oh shit.

Kylo scrolled down the page. There were several photos of him and Hux from when Kylo had taken Hux to Bear Mountain two days ago. The photos weren’t high quality so they were probably taken with someone’s phone, and not by a paparazzi, but there was no doubt it was them. There were photos of them holding hands, embracing and kissing.

Shit, shit, shit.

“It’s everywhere. This is just the first link I was sent,” Phasma told him.

Kylo walked back to his bed, found his phone and looked at the locked display, remembering what he hadn’t caught properly before. There were dozens of phone calls and text messages waiting for him, probably e-mails as well.

He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. Phasma sat down next to him.

“I’m so sorry,” said Phasma. “I know you’ve never stated publicly that you’re gay.”

Kylo stood up from the bed again. His heart was hammering in his chest because of the adrenaline that was pumping through him. “No, I haven’t because it’s nobody's fucking business and it shouldn’t fucking matter!”

“I know, I know,” Phasma said sympathetically, trying to calm him down. “It shouldn’t matter at all, but unfortunately it’s still seen as sensational news.”

Kylo was walking back and forth in his room, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to remember what therapy had taught him to do in a situation where he was completely fucked over!

“I don’t care about that!” he said in a loud voice. “I don’t give a shit about them finally having proof that I’m gay! I care about how they’ve pulled Hux into this and smeared his face all over their shitty websites!”

There had been rumours about Kylo being gay for years. Journalists had even asked him straight up if he was, but he had never confirmed or denied anything. After a while it became comical how desperate the press and public were to know, as if the truth about his sexuality was what the world needed to function.

But Kylo didn’t know anything about Hux’s situation or if he was even out. Considering what an absolute sack of shit his dad was, Kylo wouldn’t be surprised if Hux was still officially in the closet. He was a private guy, and Kylo might now be responsible for having outed him, not just to his family but to the entire world.

He was so fucking angry that some fucking asshole had followed them and decided to take photos of them. What the fuck was wrong with people?

“He hasn’t asked for this and sure as fuck doesn’t deserve it! FUCK!”

Kylo couldn’t hold back the anger that was raging through him anymore. The darkness took over and he rammed his fist into the exposed brick wall of his room. Not once. Not twice. Not three times. Not four times -

“KYLO!” Phasma screamed at him from somewhere far away. “Kylo, stop! STOP!”

And then she was on him, grabbing the arm he was punching with, trying her best to hold him back. She was strong, but it was no feat for him to tear himself away from her and keep punching the wall.

“Stop, Kylo! Please!” Kylo could hear Phasma begging.

Kylo then experienced one of his strange slow motion moments he sometimes got when he raged. Phasma still sounded so far away, but her voice was shaking? She was… crying?

It was as if he saw himself from the outside, as he stopped hitting the wall and stopped resisting Phasma, turned around slowly and looked at her. She had tears streaming down her face and continued begging him to please stop.

Then he was back in his own body, and things became clear again. He could hear Phasma crying, and he looked at his own hand that was dripping blood onto the floor, and it fucking hurt.

“Oh Kylo,” Phasma sobbed. She hugged him and she didn’t seem to care that she got blood all over her clothes, and he just let her do it.

“We have to get you to a hospital,” she finally said. She looked around her and found a t-shirt on a chair. “Here, put this over your hand, so you don’t bleed everywhere. I’ll get the concierge to get us a cab that can pick us up at the back entrance, in case there are paparazzis at the front. And I’ll call the hospital to ask if we can go in the back when we get there.”

Kylo nodded and followed her into the hall, watching her as she made her phone calls. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Hux. He needed to know if he was okay.

Where is my phone?

“Phasma,” he tried as she walked quickly past him into his room. His voice was stupidly weak, for some reason.

Phasma came back again with a pair of jeans and a shirt, and Kylo realised he was only in his underwear.

“Can we get this on you?” she asked, already bending down to help him with his pants. Then, very carefully helping him get his flannel shirt on as well. The fabric barely touched his hand as she pulled it over, but it still stung.

“Phasma,” he said again, but she disappeared into her own room, returning with her bag.

“Come on, the cab will be here any minute,” she said, pressing the button to their elevator door.

“Phasma!” Kylo was finally able to utter loud enough for her to hear.

“What is it?” she asked worriedly.

“My phone,” he said. “I need to -”

He gritted his teeth. Fuck, his hand hurt a lot. He looked down at it, noticing how the blood had already soaked through parts of the t-shirt.

“I need to talk to Hux,” he finally said.

Phasma jogged into his bedroom and came back again with his phone in her hands, just in time for the elevator doors to open.

“I’ll take care of it,” she told him.

The cab was waiting for them when they came out the back door, and Kylo was relieved to see that no paparazzis had been able to sneak around that way.

Kylo got in the car and leaned his head back on the head rest. He was feeling a little queasy.

“Bellevue hospital, please. The ambulance entrance,” he heard Phasma tell the driver.

The ride to the hospital wasn’t long and Kylo spent it looking out the window, trying not to throw up, because he was starting to feel like absolute crap. Not just physically, but mentally as well. He felt like the biggest fucking idiot for having lost his temper in such a way again. He thought he had been doing sort of good in therapy, but then he went and did this shit.

And Hux…

Hux.

Kylo was really worried about him. He desperately hoped that he hadn’t just fucked up his entire life, because there was an absolute possibility for that.

“Did you contact Hux?” Kylo asked Phasma, still looking out the window.

“Yeah, I tried calling him, but he didn’t pick up, so I sent him a text.”

“Has he answered?”

“No, not yet.”

Shit.

Maybe Hux was mad at him. Maybe he was scared. Maybe his fucking dad… No, he couldn’t even think about Hux’s dad, because if he did, he would break something more than just his own hand.

When they arrived at the hospital, they were taken through the ambulance entrance to a small room by a smiling young nurse with black hair and bangs. She introduced herself as Rose, was rather talkative, but very sweet.

She helped Kylo get comfortable, before she removed his blood-soaked t-shirt from his hand, put some temporary strips over the wounds on his fingers and then covered them with sterile compresses. Then she left them with a promise that the doctor would be right with them, and that she would be back, but if they needed anything (anything at all), all they had to do was press the button by the bed, and she would come running.

“Has he answered yet?” Kylo asked Phasma when nurse Rose had left the room.

Phasma shook her head. “No, I’m sorry.”

“I just made his life that much worse,” Kylo sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back in the hospital bed, still feeling like he could throw up any minute.

“You don’t know that, Kylo. You shouldn’t automatically assume the worst,” Phasma said, trying to comfort him.

“Then why hasn’t he answered?”

“He’s probably at work. Most people are at this time of day.”

Kylo looked up at the ceiling, trying to count all the little holes in it, but had to give up, because it only made him feel nauseous again.

The doctor showed up after half an hour, together with the cheery Rose.

“Good morning, I’m Doctor Peavey,” the doctor introduced himself as, and then asked, “So, what’s happened here?”

“I punched a brick wall,” Kylo answered him truthfully, a little sour. There really wasn’t any point in making something up, even though the truth was stupid.

“You punched a wall? I see.”

Doctor Peavey was strangely unaffected by this fact, but Kylo guessed he must see all kinds of weird shit in this job, so a little bit of wall punching probably wasn’t a big deal to him.

“Well, let’s take a look at the damage you made then.”

He removed the compresses Rose had put on and carefully examined Kylo’s hand, asking him to move his fingers and wrist, pressing on every part that hurt the most (or maybe it was just the fact that his entire hand hurt like a motherfucker).

“Okay,” Doctor Peavey said after a while. “It looks like you’ve broken two of your fingers and your wrist, but they’re clean fractures, so you probably only need a cast. I’m going to send you off to x-ray to get this confirmed. But first we need to stitch up these three fingers, because you managed to mess them up pretty good.”

Kylo nodded, relieved that he hadn’t done enough damage to need surgery.

Doctor Peavey gave him a local anesthetic, then quickly put a few stitches in his index, middle and ring finger before sending him off to get x-rayed.

The x-ray confirmed Doctor Peavey’s original diagnosis - that both his wrist and finger fractures were clean, and all they needed were casts.

Back in the examination room, Doctor Peavey worked together with Rose to put a cast on Kylo. They were quick and efficient, and soon enough, Kylo was patched up again.

On their way back home, Kylo asked Phasma again if she had heard from Hux. She hadn’t.

Kylo had taken some painkillers and fallen asleep in his room after they got home from the hospital, but now he jerked awake at the sound of someone knocking on his door, his memory flashing back to that morning and the bad news.

The door opened and Phasma stuck her head in. “Are you awake?” she asked.

Kylo rubbed his eyes with his uncasted hand. He wasn’t feeling too good. “Yeah, I’m up.”

“I just wanted to return your phone. I forgot after the hospital, and you fell asleep, so…”

She snuck into his room and gave him the phone.

“Thanks,” said Kylo.

He quickly looked at the display. Nothing from Hux. A small knot appeared in his stomach.

As Phasma put her hand on the door knob to leave his room again, she turned and said, “Oh, by the way -”

Kylo looked at her, and she was smiling. Actually no, she wasn’t smiling, she was fucking grinning from ear to ear like a mad woman.

“Someone’s here to see you.”

Wait, what?

Phasma opened the door, and there stood Hux. He was wearing a blue three piece suit and a light blue shirt that went really well with his ginger hair. Speaking of his hair, a few strands of his normally perfectly combed do, had fallen into his eyes, and Kylo couldn't say why, but that little imperfection made him look more gorgeous than usual.

“Hux,” said Kylo, surprised, a mix of emotions rushing through him at the sight of the redheaded man. Relief and happiness to finally see him, but also worry that he might be mad because of the photos.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Phasma grinned.

When she had closed the door behind her, Hux pulled something out from behind his back: a bouquet of flowers.

“Here,” he said smiling, moving towards Kylo and the bed.

Kylo found himself staring at him. “Flowers?”

“I was raised in a respectable household. I was told to bring flowers when visiting someone who’s not feeling well,” Hux winked.

“You shouldn’t have brought those,” Kylo told him.

He really meant that. He didn’t deserve flowers or any other gift. He didn't deserve Hux being this sweet.

Hux put the flowers down on Kylo’s bedside table and sat down on the bed next to him. “Why not? What are you talking about?”

Kylo lifted himself up in bed. “Because I fucked up!”

“Kylo, you didn’t -” Hux began, but Kylo broke him off.

“No! I took you to Bear Mountain, and then some fucking asshole followed us and took those photos. That’s on me! And now I’m making you go through this shit on top of everything else you’re going through. I mean, I don’t even know if you’re out! And you’re dad… Fuck, I’m so sorry, Hux. I fucked up so bad!”

Kylo put his uncasted arm over his face, clenching it. There were so many feelings raging in his body right now, and he had difficulty controlling them. He could feel how his anger wanted to be released again, but he had to control himself. He had to.

Breathe.

“Kylo, listen to me,” said Hux and grabbed his uncasted hand, carefully removing it from his face and making Kylo look at him instead. “What happened is not on you. You couldn’t possibly know anyone would follow us. You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“But I should’ve protected you and your privacy,” Kylo insisted.

Hux gave him a somewhat sad smile. “You have no idea how much I appreciate that you want to protect me, but please, Kylo, please don’t hurt yourself because of it. That doesn’t do any of us any favours, and it only makes me worry.”

Hux then crept up in the bed next to Kylo and embraced him, kissing him on the cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo said again, because that’s still what he felt. But his anger was subsiding with Hux so close to him.

“Stop being sorry,” Hux told him, kissing him sweetly on the cheek again. “I’m fine with it. Really. And by the way, you didn’t out me. I’ve been out since my freshman year at university.”

“Oh,” said Kylo, a sudden wave of relief washing over him. “But what about your dad?”

Hux seemed to tense a little at the mention of his dad, but he quickly relaxed back into Kylo’s arms. “My preference for men is strangely enough one of the few things he doesn’t care about.”

Then Hux smirked. “He will, however, have an absolute fit over you.”

“Over me?”

Hux suddenly started laughing, and he kept laughing, until tears sprung from his eyes and he could barely breathe. Kylo had no idea what was happening, but seeing Hux this happy, actually laughing out loud, made Kylo smile.

When Hux was finally able to stop laughing and catch his breath, he said, “You’re impulsive and brash, you don’t listen to authorities and you don’t have an acceptable job. He’s going to hate you!”

“I should probably be offended by that, but since it’s your dad, it sounds more like a compliment,” Kylo said.

“And let’s not even get started on the way you dress.”

“What the hell is wrong with the way I dress?” Kylo asked him. “I’ll have you know, my laidback grunge style is celebrated by fashion magazines and bloggers alike.”

Hux lifted himself up to look at Kylo. “I don’t know,” he said, his voice suddenly velvety. “It’s just that I prefer your clothes more when they’re not on you.”

He placed his hand on the lining of Kylo’s jeans. “Are you up for it?”

If it hadn’t been for his arm being in a cast, Kylo would have flipped Hux over on the spot, that’s how much he was up for it. Instead, he used his free arm to grab a hold of Hux and pull him into a deep kiss he sorely needed after that rough day.

Kylo let his hand slide down Hux’s back, sneaking it into the back of his pants, only just touching the crack of his ass, when Hux pulled back.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Hux asked him.

“Um, touching you?” answered Kylo.

Hux got up from the bed with a sigh. He took his suit jacket off and draped it over a chair.

“I thought we had established,” he began, looking down at Kylo, “that I call the shots here.”

Oh, hello.

Strict Hux was back. Kylo loved strict Hux.

“And since I’m the boss, my decision is for you to lie back and simply enjoy,” Hux continued.

Kylo grinned. “I can do that.”

“I assumed that wouldn’t be a problem for you.” He sat down on the bed again, letting his finger run teasingly up Kylo’s thigh, and Kylo felt himself growing hard.

“What might pose as more of a challenge, is that you won’t be allowed to touch me.”

“What?” said Kylo.

That simply wasn’t fair. How could he not be allowed to touch him? He had to be able to touch him. There was so much of Hux that was amazingly touchable. Like, everything.

As Hux began unbuttoning Kylo’s jeans, he looked up at him with a devilish gaze and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you. I wouldn’t dream of hurting you. Not unless you want me to.”

Kylo gaped at him. He was doomed. He would never survive this. Hux would be the death of him.

Kylo’s jeans and boxers were quickly removed, and Hux smiled down at Kylo’s saluting cock.

“Lube?” Hux asked him.

“In the nightstand.”

Hux furrowed his brow as he digged the lube out from Kylo’s messy nightstand, filled with everything from phone chargers to condoms to guitar picks.

“You’re a dirty boy, aren’t you,” said Hux, arching an eyebrow at him.

Yes, he was. Kylo was a filthy mess of a man, and he desperately needed Hux to help him with that.

Hux made himself comfortable between Kylo’s legs, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt as if he was getting ready for a rough business meeting, and Kylo had to hold back a primal grunt, because business Hux was fucking sexy.

Hux squeezed some lube into his hands and rubbed them together. Then he bent down over Kylo’s cock with his mouth, and he was so close to it Kylo could feel his warm breath on the head of it. But he didn’t actually touch it, and it made Kylo squirm.

“So impatient,” Hux told him and looked up at him.

“Can you blame me?” answered Kylo in a needy voice.

Hux smiled, and then Kylo felt a finger massage his perineum, and he sighed in pleasure. Hux massaged him for a little while, before he moved onto circling Kylo’s hole, then lightly pressing on it, before he let the finger dip into it.

Kylo gave a grateful moan in return as Hux began finger-fucking him, crooking his finger inside him to hit his prostate. As Hux entered a second finger, he also grabbed Kylo’s balls, gently squeezing them every time his fingers hit his prostate.

“Oh fuck,” Kylo let out, and he had a mighty need to touch Hux, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t even reach him right now, so he grabbed onto the sheets with his uncasted hand instead, closing his eyes.

A third finger was inserted into Kylo, and Kylo tensed because it was a little too much too soon. Hux sensed this, and slowed down the pace of his fingers, making sure to crook them all inside him for maximum pleasure. And then he finally bent down over Kylo’s cock and gently licked the tip of it, which made Kylo relax again.

Hux gave the head of Kylo’s cock several broad licks before wrapping his mouth around it, sliding down on it, before pulling back up again. All the while, he kept finger-fucking him and squeezing his balls, and Kylo’s head was all but spinning at experiencing all these sensations at once.

Kylo couldn't help himself, and in his pleasure, he reached out for Hux between his legs, weaving his fingers into his hair.

Hux immediately pulled back and out, leaving Kylo feeling very empty.

“No,” said Hux.

The hand that had just so deliciously squeezed Kylo’s balls, was now slicking Hux’s hair back into place.

“Hux, come on!” Kylo said in full desperation, giving Hux a pleading look.

“I told you not to touch me,” answered Hux casually, making a move to get off the bed.

“No!” Kylo almost screamed at him.

“No?” asked Hux, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“I mean, I’m sorry I touched you. Please don’t stop now.”

Hux seemed to consider Kylo’s words, but he was taking an agonizingly long time about it, and Kylo genuinely thought he might perish from lust alone.

“Are you going to obey me this time?” Hux finally asked, a serious look on his face.

Kylo whined back at him in desperation: “Yes! Yes, I promise. Just... please continue!”

“Very well,” said Hux.

He wasted no time, picking right up where he had left off. As sudden as they had all been removed, Hux’s mouth was once again wrapped around Kylo’s cock, his right hand squeezing his balls, and three of his fingers found themselves into him. It was so sudden and so much at the same time, Kylo gasped in pleasure, before he let out a great series of moans.

Hux quickened his pace, moving quickly up and down on his cock, copying the rhythm with his fingers, and hitting the sweet spot inside Kylo every time.

Kylo twisted underneath Hux, feeling the familiar sensation of an orgasm building in him.

“Fuck, Hux! I- I’m coming!” Kylo moaned loudly and fervidly.

Seconds later Kylo smacked his uncasted hand over his mouth, so as not to shout out in pleasure as he gushed into Hux’s mouth.

In an almost delirious state after having come, Kylo opened his eyes to look down at Hux. He looked back at him, and Kylo honestly felt like he could come again right there and then just by looking at him. His hair had fallen into his eyes again, his face was a little flushed and his lips swollen after the blowjob. Kylo noticed that a few drops of his come had escaped his mouth and was trickling down his chin. As he was watching, Hux wiped it away with his thumb, put it in his mouth and sucked it clean.

Kylo let out a huff of air. “Can I please touch you now?” he begged Hux.

Hux smirked at him. “You may,” he said, and crawled up the bed to settle himself next to Kylo.

Kylo practically smashed his own lips against Hux’s in a kiss he hoped showed enough appreciation for what Hux had just done.

“You’re going to kill me one day,” Kylo told him between the kisses he planted all over Hux’s face.

“I certainly hope not,” chuckled Hux.

They lay still for a while, Kylo reveling in his postorgasmic haze, feeling unfamiliarly yet appreciatively happy.

“Hey, Hux,” said Kylo, staring up at the ceiling.

“Yes?”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Green. What’s yours?”

Kylo smiled. “Blue.”

Chapter Text

It was Saturday evening, and Kylo and Hux were lying on opposite sides of Hux’s couch, relaxing, their feet just touching each other.

Kylo was zapping through the channels on Hux’s tv, with Millicent sleeping soundly on his stomach.

Hux was reading a book (Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy), and he was wearing glasses: a pair with vintage looking frames. He had never looked more like a nerd than what he did right now, but he seemed so calm when he was reading, lost in his own world.

Hux looked up at him. “What?”

“What what?”

“You’re staring.”

“I was just thinking how cute you look,” said Kylo.

Hux blushed a little. “Shut up.”

“Actually, no. I was thinking about what a nerd you look like with those glasses.”

Hux kicked him.

“But you’re a cute nerd!” Kylo laughed.

Hux kicked him again, and Millicent jumped off Kylo’s stomach, giving him an offended look as she did.

“Ouch! Stop kicking me! I’m already injured!”

“You brought this on yourself. Now suffer!” said Hux, lunging out several kicks at Kylo’s shins.

“I surrender!” Kylo called out.

Hux ceased his attack. “Good.”

“I have a peace offering,” said Kylo.

Hux gave him a sceptical look.

“It’s legit. But you have to come closer.”

Hux put his book down and moved a little closer to Kylo on the couch.

“Closer,” Kylo repeated.

Hux moved even closer, crawling halfway on top of Kylo.

“Closer.”

Hux moved as close to Kylo as he could come, so close that Kylo could kiss him. And he did. A soft, sweet kiss.

Hux laid himself on top of Kylo after, replacing Millicent, and Kylo thought to himself that, as much as he liked Millicent, he much preferred having Hux in his arms.

“I’ve been thinking -” said Kylo.

“Really?” Hux said sarcastically.

Kylo poked his side with a finger, and Hux squealed. It hadn’t taken Kylo long to figure out that Hux was ticklish. It was a great weapon, but it couldn't be used carelessly, as it could just as easily backfire on him.

“Seriously,” Kylo said, and the tone of his voice changed. “I’ve been thinking about what you said at Bear Mountain.”

Hux changed his position on top of Kylo so he could look at him. His face looked kind of awkward. “I said a lot of things that day.”

Kylo smiled empathetically at him, sensing that Hux might be embarrassed at how he had acted, although there was no reason for him to be. “It’s not about what you said about you. It’s about what you said to me.”

“Oh,” he said, and his awkward facial expression disappeared.

“Remember how you said it might be good if I saw my parents again?”

Hux nodded.

Kylo hesitated a little, before he said, “I was thinking I might contact them.”

“That’s good,” Hux said optimistically.

Kylo rolled his eyes, automatically turning negative. “Don’t get carried away. It might turn into a shitstorm.”

Kylo thought back to when he was younger, and he remembered all the times he had purposefully picked a fight with his mom to get her attention. He remembered how his dad hadn't been the one that taught him how to ride a bike. He remembered how many times his mom had called home and said she was sorry, but she had to work overtime, so Kylo had to eat dinner alone. He remembered how many birthdays his dad had missed because he was somewhere on a mission. And he remembered how all this distancing had made his parents slowly drift apart from each other, finally ending in a divorce not long after he moved out.

Bitterly, Kylo thought to himself that if they couldn’t even deal with each other’s absence, how the hell could they ever have expected him to deal with it?

“I just don’t know how I’ll react. What I’ll say or do when I see them. I’m getting pissed just thinking back at everything. What if I get angry?”

Kylo was genuinely worried. He did feel like his anger towards his parents was justified, but it was so out of hand, and if he was actually going to meet them again, he didn’t want to blow up.

“That’s impossible to know until you actually meet,” Hux said. “But you can prepare. Remember what Doctor Holdo talked about in the previous therapy session? About making an anger plan?”

Hux was onto something. Maybe preparing for the worst case scenarios if he met his parents, was a good idea. He could preplan how to react if shit completely hit the fan. If he was able to stay at least partially calm, it could work.

“That’s... a good idea,” he said.

Hux smiled at him. “I’ll help you, if you want.”

Kylo gave him a kiss on the tip of his nose as a thank you, and Hux grimaced at him.

“You’ll be fine. I know you will,” said Hux.

Kylo huffed. “You have more faith in me than I have.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Hux answered, putting his head back down on Kylo’s chest.

The next day, Kylo was pacing Hux’s living room with his phone in his hand. Hux had gone out, so Kylo could make the phone call to his mom in peace. He was feeling incredibly nervous, his heart racing in his chest, his palms sweating.

Kylo had gotten his mom’s private cell phone number a couple of years ago, but he had never used it. Never felt a need to. Not until now. He just hoped she hadn't changed it.

Just fucking do it.

After procrastinating for almost half an hour, he finally pushed the call button. It rang three times, before an unfamiliar female voice answered the phone.

“Senator Organa’s phone, how may I help you?” the female voice spoke. She sounded young.

Kylo hadn't thought that anyone else might pick up his mom’s private phone, so he was thrown off guard.

“Um, hello. Is Leia there?” he asked.

“Senator Organa is occupied right now. May I ask who’s calling?”

For a second, Kylo thought about just hanging up. He didn’t want to talk to this person, whoever she was. He didn’t want to have to go through some fucking underpaid personal assistant to get to his own mother, no matter how long it had been since they last talked.

But then something in him thought better of it. He was able to collect himself and he decided to stay on the phone.

“You can tell her it’s Ben,” he finally answered.

“And does Ben have a last name?” the presumed underpaid personal assistant asked.

For fuck’s sake.

He sighed. “Ben will be enough.”

Kylo could practically hear her scowl through the phone. She was probably thinking that he was some privileged idiot who expected everyone to know who he was by first name only. Or maybe she thought he was a creep trying to get to the senator. Maybe she would hang up.

But then she said, “Hold on.”

The phone was put on hold, but not too long after it was picked up again, and this time, the voice on the other end was familiar.

“Ben?” his mom’s voice said, and Kylo could immediately hear how uncertain she sounded.

“Hi… mom,” he said.

There was silence for a while, where none of them seemed to know what to say next, but then Leia broke it.

“How are you?” she asked. Her voice was uncharacteristically meek.

Kylo nodded, even though his mom obviously couldn’t see him. “I’m good,” he answered. “You?”

“I’m fine,” she said, and then it was as if something broke in her, and Kylo could hear how her voice went from meek to absolute mush as she said, “Oh god, Ben, it’s been so long.”

Kylo had never seen his mom cry. She had always been so professional and put together all the time. Never letting on how she truly felt about anything. So this was just bizarre. Not knowing how to deal with her becoming emotional, Kylo simply listened to her sniffles in awkward silence.

When she was done, Kylo spoke, and he probably sounded a little cold, because his mom’s reaction was honestly a little too much for him to handle. “Listen, mom, I’m calling because I want to meet you and dad. I have something important I need to talk to you about.”

“Yes, of course,” she said almost immediately, and Kylo was surprised at how compliant she was. Another thing so different from how she used to be.

“I don’t know when you have time? I need to reach dad as well.”

“Is Wednesday too soon?” she asked, sounding hopeful.

“Um... I guess not.”

“You can come for dinner. I’ll make something nice. Six o’clock?”

Kylo was confused at how she fussed over him. Making dinner? Really? But he answered, “Yeah, sure.”

Before they hung up, she added, suddenly sounding more like the mother Kylo knew, “And don’t worry about your dad. I’ll make sure he shows up.”

A little while after, Hux came back home. He had brought Korean takeaway with him.

“How did it go?” he asked, looking anxious.

“I’m invited to dinner on Wednesday.”

Hux’s face went from anxious to carefully smiling. “That’s good, right?”

Kylo shrugged. He was still confused and baffled after the first conversation with his mom in years. “Maybe? I honestly don’t know.”

Then he said, “Will you come with me? I think it’ll be easier with you there. You… make me calmer.”

Hux’s careful smile widened somewhat. “Of course I’ll come with you,” he answered.

By the time Tuesday’s therapy session came around, Kylo and Hux had done their homework and worked out an anger plan for the both of them.

Kylo’s anger plan mostly consisted of triggers related to his childhood and his abandonment issues, so he was hopefully ready to meet his parents the next day, and not just blow up at the first casual remark he expected to get from his dad. But it also involved a plan concerning the few people in Kylo’s life that he actually cared about. He had come to understand that he had a major need to protect them, and if anything threatened them, he entered an alpha male mode that was off the charts.

Hux’s plan was not really that much of an anger plan as it was a plan for him to actually speak up and be assertive, especially concerning his dad. Kylo had unhelpfully suggested that he could punch his dad in the face for him, whereupon Hux had pointed out that his hand was broken, so that would be difficult. Kylo had then told him that his left hook was pretty good too, and Hux couldn't help but laugh at him before he had concluded that as much as he’d like to see that, Kylo probably shouldn't, if for no other reason than to avoid another lawsuit.

The two of them arrived together to therapy that day, and as they entered the room, everyone turned to look at them. Even Amilyn gave them an extra look, but unlike the others she simply smiled at them a little secretively before she went back to her notes.

“Well, I guess everyone’s seen the photos,” Kylo whispered to Hux.

Hux smiled a little nervously back at him.

Kylo remembered how much he had hated how the group had stared at him during the first session. But this time he didn’t mind. This time he was fucking proud at why they were staring. Because they were staring at him and Hux. Together.

When they sat down, Kylo noticed that Poe was staring at him only, and, unsurprisingly, he had something to say.

“What happened to your hand? Did you punch another paparazzi?”

His tone of voice was mocking, no doubt trying to get a reaction out of Kylo.

Next to him, Kylo could feel Hux looking at him, but it was okay. He wasn’t going to let Poe provoke him. Not this time.

“No, actually, I punched a wall,” he answered truthfully, and then he winked at Poe just because he could.

Poe seemed annoyed that he couldn’t get Kylo to tick, so he turned to Hux instead, stating sarcastically, “Congratulations on finding yourself an out-of-control boyfriend.”

Kylo was ready to jump in on Hux’s behalf, but he didn’t have to. Hux leaned back in his chair, casually crossing one leg over the other and arching an eyebrow at Poe.

“Jealous?” he asked.

Kylo could kiss Hux right there and then. He was fucking brilliant. An actual genius.

Poe turned red, which was probably a good mix of embarrassment and anger. Next to him his anger management partner snorted out loud. The rest of the group snickered.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Amilyn broke them off, before any further comments could be uttered.

As usual, they started their session by going through the previous week. Everyone shared their anger plans, and then they discussed back and forth how they could be improved and worked upon further.

There wasn’t anything new in this week’s session, as Amilyn wanted to spend another week on the anger plans, because, as she pointed out, it was something they would hopefully rely on a lot in the future. Their anger plans were meant to be the foundation for any upcoming confrontations, and it was very important that they worked on them and built something they themselves thought would be useful and felt comfortable with.

Four minutes to six on Wednesday evening, Kylo and Hux were dropped off by a cab outside senator Leia Organa’s townhouse. Hux had been very insistent about being on time, as usual. Kylo had never actually been to this house before, as this was a place his mom had found after she divorced Han. It was, unsurprisingly, a beautiful house: Old, distinguished brick with large, railed windows. It fit his mother’s taste.

“Nervous?” Hux asked him as they walked up the stairs.

Kylo turned to him. He looked impeccable in his grey suit pants, slim leather belt and white shirt with its sleeves rolled up (and Kylo genuinely didn’t understand how he managed to do that without creasing the fabric). He looked just like the kind of man you could safely bring home to meet your parents. And he was that kind of a man. Except this meeting was a little different.

Kylo had made an effort too. He had even put on a blazer. But he didn’t clean up quite as nice as Hux.

“Fuck yes, I’m nervous,” he answered.

“I’ll tell you this again, in case you have forgotten since we left your apartment twenty minutes ago: You’ll be fine.”

Kylo gave him a quick smile. He was glad Hux was with him.

They rang the doorbell, and not too long after, his mom opened the door. She looked different than she had when Kylo left so many years ago. She looked the way she looked on tv and in newspapers. But she also looked exactly the same, only older. A few feet behind her, Kylo could see his dad. It was stranger to see him, because he was never in the media now that his parents weren’t together anymore. He looked straight at his son with a solemn expression and Kylo couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

There was a very obvious nervous tension in the air, as Leia let Kylo and Hux into the hallway and closed the door behind them.

“Welcome,” she said.

She looked at Kylo with sad brown eyes, and then, out of nowhere, she embraced him. Kylo was taken aback by the sudden display of affection, but he let himself be hugged by the small woman, something he couldn’t remember when had last happened. He figured it had to be when he was small and she was tall. Now they had swapped places. Eventually, he found himself awkwardly returning her embrace.

When they parted, Han stepped forward.

“Ben,” he greeted Kylo, holding out a hand for him to shake.

Kylo looked at his outstretched hand, then at Han, before he finally took the hand in his own to greet.

Kylo then gestured to Hux.

“This is Hux. He’s my -” but Kylo paused.

He realised he was about to say boyfriend, but he and Hux hadn’t actually talked about whether they were just that, even if Poe had called them such in therapy. He glanced at Hux, who gave Kylo a look and a smile, and Kylo knew.

“He’s my boyfriend,” Kylo finished, finding himself smiling at saying the word out loud.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were bringing someone. But that’s okay. We have plenty of food,” his mother exclaimed, beaming at Hux.

Leia reached her hand out to him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine, senator,” said Hux, shaking her hand.

“Oh please, call me Leia.”

Hux and Han shook hands as well, and Kylo could see how his dad measured him up and down, probably trying to figure out what someone as neat and put together as him was doing with someone like his son.

“Hux, you say, and that accent,” Leia pointed out. “Any relation to the British ambassador, Brendol Hux?”

Hux cleared his throat, and Kylo could see the awkward but polite smile on his face. “Yes, he’s my father.”

“Mom,” Kylo interrupted and gave her a serious look. “It would be great if we didn’t talk about the ambassador.”

His mother looked as if she wanted to ask why, but then she took a second look at Hux and it was as if she understood. She had at least one thing going for her - she was good at reading people.

Leia led them into a fancy dining room where the dinner table was set for three. She quickly made an extra place for Hux before she excused herself as she went to check on the food she assured would be finished any moment.

“I’m sorry, I forgot to tell her you were coming,” Kylo whispered to Hux.

“Don’t worry about it. You’ve had a lot on your mind,” Hux whispered back. “You’re doing well so far though.”

“Seriously? You’d need a chainsaw to cut through this tension.”

“Yes, but tension was expected, I believe.” Then Hux nodded towards Han. “Should we perhaps talk to your father?”

Kylo looked at his dad, who was standing alone by the window a few feet away from them, seemingly trying to ignore Kylo and Hux’s conversation. Kylo shrugged.

“I don’t know what to say,” Kylo admitted, barely audible.

“It’s okay, I’ll lead,” said Hux.

He walked over to Han, and Kylo trailed awkwardly after him. Then he watched from the sideline as Hux emerged Han in an expertly conversation of small talk. His dad hated small talk, but didn’t seem to mind it from Hux, because Hux came off as genuinely interested and interesting. For someone who thought people were difficult, Hux was really good at dealing with them in social settings.

Hux had just gotten Han started on pilot talk, when Leia entered the room again with several bowls of vegetables, potatoes, and two different sauces. She then disappeared into the kitchen again before she returned with a large roasted duck.

Kylo just stared at her.

What the fuck is this? Pleasantville?

He didn’t recognise his own parents. That is, his dad seemed pretty much like himself, but his mom had somehow turned into a Stepford wife, and it was bizarre.

“Dinner is served,” Leia smiled at them. “Please sit.”

They all sat. Leia insisted that Han cut the duck, and after a mild protest that was quickly shut down by his ex wife, he did.

It was a deafening silence around the table as they began eating, only disrupted by the sound of silverware on porcelain.

“Ben, sweetie, I have to ask -” Leia eventually said.

Sweetie?

“What happened to your arm?”

Kylo cleared his throat. He really wasn’t comfortable telling his parents the truth.

“Um, I broke it,” he said.

“I can see that, but what happened?”

“It was just a stupid accident. Nothing to talk about, really,” he said firmly, making it clear that he wasn’t going to elaborate anymore on the subject.

Leia gave him a strained smile, and then turned to Hux instead.

“So, Hux, what do you do?” she asked him.

“I’m a financial planner and advisor at the British consulate,” Hux answered her, polite as always.

“Oh, lovely. That’s a steady job.”

“Unlike being a rockstar,” Han shot in jokingly.

Kylo wasn’t a fan of the joke. It only sounded as if he disapproved. It was strange really, that his dad didn’t seem to support Kylo’s career choice. Yes, Han was in the military, but the branch he was in was alternative at best, and their methods questionable. Kylo was sure his personnel file had a pretty high security clearance.

“Yes, but also unlike Kylo I don’t get to take all the money I handle, home with me,” said Hux.

Thank you, Hux.

Han gave a dry laugh, and Kylo thought how funny it was that Hux could make his sassy comments come off as so casual and innocent.

“More wine?” asked Leia and got up from the table to serve everyone.

Once again, Kylo observed this person that looked exactly like his mom, but behaved completely differently. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand that she would be nervous in this situation, but this was just ridiculous.

“There you go, sweetie,” she said as she filled up Kylo’s glass.

Again with the sweetie. Kylo couldn’t remember her having called him that since he was little. Even Han was looking at her a little funny.

When she had filled up everyone’s glasses, she picked up her own and held it up.

“I want to make a toast,” she began.

No.

That was it. Kylo couldn’t play this pretend game anymore. It had to stop. He had to say something.

“Mom,” he said, hoping his tone of voice was warning enough for her to stop.

But Leia ignored him. “I want to make a toast to all of us being together again.”

Kylo shot up from the table, bumping his plate so his knife and fork fell to the floor, making noise. “Mom, stop! Enough!”

Leia stopped with her glass raised, staring at him with a mixed expression of confusion and actual fear. On the other side of the table, Han got up too, and his eyes told Kylo that he had expected this. He had probably sat there and waited for Kylo to lose his temper.

“Ben! Don’t talk to your mother like that!" Han commanded, and Kylo thought to himself that he had to be kidding, because he couldn’t possibly be buying into this crap.

“No!” said Kylo, his voice getting louder. “This is bullshit! This isn’t you, and you know it!”

“You should be a little more appreciative,” Han scolded him. “Your mother has been in the kitchen all afternoon cooking for you!”

“I never asked her to do that! All I asked for was a fucking conversation!”

“Watch your mouth!”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

The reunion that was supposed to clear the air between Kylo and his parents, had become the exact shitstorm he had been afraid it would turn into. They were standing at the table yelling at each other, as if absolutely nothing had changed.

This had been a stupid idea. He should never have called them. He would have been better off staying away.

De-escalate.

The word popped into Kylo’s head, and he suddenly remembered his anger plan. A huge part of him wanted to yell and scream; to be the loudest and the scariest; to throw plates and slam doors. But the difference this time was that he noticed that he wanted to do those things, which meant that he could choose a different action.

As much as the rage in him wanted to continue the fight, he decided to instead take a deep breath. It was difficult, but he grit his teeth, pushed away at least some of the anger, and sat down. He put his uncasted hand over his face for a while, and when he removed it again to speak, his voice wasn’t as loud.

“I’m trying -” he began. “I'm really trying to make some fucking changes in my life. I’ll take responsibility, okay? I’ll take responsibility for being a shitstain of a son for several years. I was horrible, and I knew I was being horrible.”

He continued, “But if I’m going to take responsibility for that, then you better own up to what you did. Don’t you get that most of the crap I did was purely because I wanted attention? From you! I just wanted you to fucking notice me and at least pretend that I mattered to you!”

Kylo’s words rang through the dining room, and there was complete silence from everyone when he finished talking. These were words Kylo had never spoken out loud. He had never told anyone about how betrayed he had felt by his parents as a kid. There had been so many times when he had asked himself why they had even had him, when he was so obviously a hindrance to them.

Leia eventually sat herself and her glass of wine down, and she looked as if someone had slapped her across the face. Han followed her lead and sat down too.

“Ben,” Leia then said in a small voice. “You did matter to us, and you still do - more than anything. You’re our only son.”

They should be words of comfort, but somehow they only hurt, and Kylo had more to get off his chest.

“Then why didn’t you show it?” he asked them, desperation in his voice now. “Why was everything and everyone else always more important? Why were you never there?!"

There was no anger anymore. There was pain. So much goddamn pain bubbling up to the surface, and Kylo didn’t know what to do with it, because he had shoved that pain into some deep dungeon in his mind, bolted the doors and refused to let it out. Until now. It hurt, and he desperately wanted to run away. Just like he had done when he was seventeen, because leaving all the issues behind him was the easiest way to deal with them.

Something soft brushed Kylo’s arm, and then he felt Hux’s hand on top of his under the table. Hux squeezed it gently, and strangely, that little gesture that up until recently had been so foreign to Kylo, was enough. It was enough for him not to run away again. It was enough because Hux’s hand on top of his meant that he wasn’t alone.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” said Leia. She wasn’t crying, but her eyes were glassy, like she was on the verge. “I don’t know when this happened. When I stopped giving you what you needed. We used to have such a close bond, but then at some point you started to change. You asked questions I wasn’t ready for, and wanted things that I never expected you to want. And instead of guiding you and helping you find your way, I pretended that you were still the same. And that’s when I lost you.”

To hear his mom actually admit to her mistakes and apologise, was a bigger relief to Kylo than he had thought it would be. It was as if all his years of anger, were finally warranted somehow.

Then, Han finally spoke, “When you were a newborn, I told you that I probably wouldn’t be a very good dad to you.”

Kylo looked at him, surprised. Leia did too. He didn’t meet their eyes. He was looking out the window as if remembering, and his voice was somber.

“I wanted to be, but I didn’t know how to,” he continued. “So I distanced myself, and that stupid thing I told you as a baby, ended up as a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

Kylo didn’t know what to say. He had no idea that his dad felt like that. Neither did his mom, it seemed, by the look on her face. Han could talk, but he was a man’s man, and he never talked about his feelings, something Kylo had learned early and taken to heart. Now Kylo wondered how many of their family issues could have been solved years ago, if they had only talked to each other.

Leia stretched her hand out for Han and grabbed his, and it became clear to Kylo that there was still a lot of love between them, even if they were not together anymore.

“Ben,” Leia said. “I don’t know how we can repair our relationship, but I’ll do anything. Whatever you need from me -” She looked at Han. “- from us, we’ll give it to you.”

Kylo felt like he had been holding his breath the last few minutes, and he finally let it out. It felt good to hear his parents offer themselves up like that.

“I just need you to be there,” he told them sincerely.

“Okay,” his parents said, almost in unison.

Kylo was feeling very tired. This whole confrontation had been a lot, and he felt more drained than he had in years. And although this had ended on a positive note, he was still confused. There were a lot of thoughts and emotions he needed to sort through.

He turned to look at Hux, who had patiently like a saint sat through this whole ordeal.

“I think it’s time for us to leave,” said Kylo.

He stood up from the table, then noticed the cutlery he had knocked down earlier and picked those up before he left the table.

Out in the hallway, Hux shook Leia and Han’s hands again and thanked them so much for their hospitality.

Kylo was really at a loss for words at the moment, but he managed to say, “I’ll call you, I promise. I just need a little time, okay?”

Both Leia and Han nodded, and for the first time in forever Kylo felt like they actually understood him - that they sincerely would give him the time he needed, but also that they would be there when that time was over.

In the cab on the way home, Kylo braided his fingers with Hux’s and allowed himself to rest his head on top of his.

“Thank you for being there,” he whispered to him.

“Anytime,” Hux whispered back.

Chapter Text

I know it’s in here somewhere.

Hux was digging through the closet of his spare bedroom, trying to find a specific binder from his university days. He had put it away after he graduated, and while he had often thought about it, he hadn’t looked at it since, because there wasn’t any point. But so many things had changed the last few weeks, and he felt an urge to bring it out and look at it again.

He finally found it, buried under some other Harvard memorabilia, including the obligatory Harvard sweatshirt (actually, he had three of them).

He brought the binder with him into the living room, where he sat down next to Millicent in the sofa with a cup of tea, and put his glasses on.

When Hux was a student, he had taken as many creative writing courses as he could. His father had of course greatly disapproved of this, but he had reluctantly accepted it after Hux had pushed the literary history aspect of it and name-dropped quite a few famous and influential authors that were part of the course.

The creative writing courses had undoubtedly been the most enjoyable part of university for Hux. He loved writing, and the courses had taught him so much. They had helped him improve and find his specific voice as an author. And he had been good at it. His instructors had told him that he had a special way with words. In his second year, one of his instructors had even called him in for a meeting, trying to convince him to change his major to English. That had, of course, been impossible, and Hux had told his instructor no. It had been a huge compliment to have his instructor try to sway him like that, but it had also been upsetting. Knowing that he had to leave behind something he loved for something someone else wanted for him, was bitter.

Hux opened the binder and went through the old stories he had written back then. He smiled as he read through some of them, fondly remembering what a great time he had had writing them.

He was, however, looking for something specific, and he found it at the very back of the binder. In his final year at Harvard, he had started writing stories based on the different planets of the solar system. He had had this idea of turning them into people and writing their life stories. Back then he had written a short story for every one of them, but now he was wondering if perhaps he could turn it into something more - if he could weave their stories together, and create a whole new universe.

Hux pulled out his laptop, leaned back in the sofa and started jotting down all of his ideas. He was excited to start writing again.

Kylo had asked Hux over for dinner Friday evening with him and Phasma, and Hux had of course answered yes. He did a quick change of clothes at home after work before he headed over to their apartment.

Hux knew that Kylo and Phasma were famous, but seeing their apartment had made him understand just what level of famous they were actually at. The fact that it was a penthouse spoke volumes, but it was the sleek interior coupled with the modern art that hit Hux the most. It was as if taken straight out of an interior design magazine. It came off as a little staged at first, but when you looked closer you could see how it had been personalised with music awards and record certifications, not to mention a beautiful grand piano. What Hux liked the most though, were the huge floor to ceiling windows in the living room, which rain was currently pooling down, making him feel like he was under water.

Hux had, unsurprisingly, arrived early. Kylo was on his way home, so Hux was in the living room with Phasma. They hadn’t talked that much yet, but Hux liked her. She was laidback and open. She felt very genuine, and Hux was immediately comfortable in her presence.

“I have to ask,” said Hux, looking around him. “How much say did Kylo have in the interior decorating?”

Phasma snorted. “We used a professional decorator,” she winked. “I like interior design, but I’m not this good. Kylo doesn’t really care. I swear he could live in shack, and he’d be fine as long as he had a guitar to keep him company.”

Hux smiled. He liked that about Kylo. He was both rich and famous, but you would never know. He didn’t flaunt it.

“He did, however, pick out that one, ” said Phasma and turned to point at a huge painting of a cluster of colourful skulls.

Hux was in no way an art connoisseur, but he did have some knowledge, and he almost dropped his jaw when he saw what Phasma pointed at.

“Is that a… Murakami?” he asked, moving closer to it.

“Yup. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Pretty cool, yes” Hux whispered in awe, wondering how much Kylo had paid for that. Probably more than Hux earned in a year.

“Come on,” said Phasma. “Let’s get started on the food.”

They were well on their way with dinner, when Kylo finally came home and entered the kitchen.

“Look at you two being all domestic,” he said, slipping an arm around Hux’s waist and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Hux blushed a little at the public display of affection. Kylo didn’t usually do that, but it was obvious that he didn’t care in front of Phasma.

Phasma grinned at them. “I can't believe you’re actually in a adult relationship,” she said to Kylo. “I never thought I’d see the day. Hell must be freezing over as we speak.”

Kylo shrugged. “Stranger things have happened,” he said and then he slapped Hux on the ass.

Hux squealed and both Kylo and Phasma snickered.

“Hux, sweetie,” Phasma began, “in this household, we slap each other’s asses all the time. Get used to it.”

“You’ll have to excuse me, but I don’t slap people’s asses,” said Hux, a little embarrassed.

“That’s not what you said the other night,” Kylo said casually, smirking.

Phasma roared with laughter as Hux could feel his face burning up, not made any better by the fact that there had in fact been some spanking the other night.

Hux turned to Kylo with a knife in his hand. “I swear I will use this on you,” he threatened.

Kylo finally backed off, albeit with a huge grin on his face.

Not too long after all of them were seated around Kylo and Phasma’s fancy glass dining table, enjoying a nice dinner. Hux listened to the two roommates share stories from their life on the road, and in between laughing, Hux found himself thinking how good his life was at the moment. He wondered what he had done to deserve this - to deserve Kylo.

Hux’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket, and as he looked at the screen, his smile disappeared.

It was his father.

“Excuse me,” he said, getting up from the table and walking towards Kylo’s bedroom.

“Hello, father,” he answered the phone.

Hux had momentarily forgotten that this was the weekend his father was coming to New York. That this was the weekend he would have to meet him again and was meant to stand up to him. The mere thought of it, made his insides twist.

“Armitage,” his father greeted him back. Then, “Are you busy?”

“I’m with some friends,” Hux answered, not wanting to specify.

“Friends?” his father asked, sounding somewhat incredulous.

“Yes, we were having dinner.”

“Well, are you finished? Because I’m on my way to your apartment right now, and you know how I hate to wait.”

“What? You’re on your way now? Why? I mean, what about the dinner tomorrow?”

“Armitage, you’re babbling. We’re still doing the dinner tomorrow. However, I have something important I need to discuss with you in private. Tonight.”

Hux could feel his mouth go dry and his heart speed up. He didn’t know what his father wanted to talk to him about, but it couldn’t be anything good. And more than that, Hux hadn’t had time to prepare for him coming over. He hadn’t cleaned or tidied his apartment. It wouldn’t be up to his father’s standards. It wasn’t perfect.

He wanted to tell him no. He wanted to say that he was busy right now and that he would have to wait for tomorrow. He wanted to say that it would be rude of him to get up and just leave, like his father had taught him. But he was too scared of the potential consequences.

“I’ll leave right now and be there as quickly as I can,” he said in defeat.

“Good. See you soon, Armitage,” his father finished and hung up.

“Was that your dad?” Kylo’s voice sounded behind Hux, and Hux almost jumped out of his own skin because he hadn’t heard him come up behind him.

Hux nodded.

“Are you okay?” Kylo asked.

“He’s on his way to my apartment right now. I have to go,” Hux said. He was feeling slightly shaken, but didn’t want to show it.

Kylo was standing in the door, blocking it. “Hux, listen to me, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Hux knew this in theory , and he knew that this exact thing was what they had talked about when they had made his anger plan. But he wasn’t prepared for this. He was prepared for tomorrow. Not today. Not right now.

Still he said, “I know.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” Kylo asked.

Hux wondered if Kylo knew how much that question meant to him. “No, I... I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

He wasn’t at all sure if he would be fine, but Kylo couldn't be there when his father came. He just couldn't. It would make everything worse.

Hux nodded. “Yes.”

Kylo studied him with that intense gaze of his, and Hux almost broke under it, but he kept it together. He didn’t want to bother Kylo with this again. Then Kylo moved away from the door so Hux could pass.

“Call me after, okay?” he said.

Hux nodded again, before grabbing his jacket and heading home in the rain.

It’s okay, he kept telling himself on the way home in the taxi, not realising himself that he was mimicking the words Kylo had told him back at Bear Mountain. All the while, his heart was hammering in his chest.

Hux had asked the taxi driver several times if he could please go faster, but even the enticement of extra money hadn’t made him break the speed limit. When they pulled up outside his apartment building, Hux noticed to his dread that a black official-looking car with tinted windows was already waiting outside.

The second Hux stepped out of the taxi and into the pouring rain outside, the driver of the black car got out and opened an umbrella, before he went around to the passenger side to open the door. He held out the umbrella as Hux’s father stepped out of the car.

Brendol Hux was a little bit shorter than Hux and of a somewhat broader build, but his hair (albeit greying) and facial features left no doubt that they were of close relation. He was wearing a dark suit with a light coat over it. He grabbed the umbrella from the driver, avoiding getting even a single drop of water on him, and moved towards Hux.

“You kept me waiting,” was the first thing he said when they got into the apartment building, waiting for the lift.

“I didn’t know you were coming. You can’t possibly expect me to always be -” Hux began, but his father broke him off.

“But you did know I was coming,” he insisted.

“This weekend, yes, but -”

“But?”

His father was twisting things around again, making Hux question himself.

Finally in Hux’s apartment, his father removed his coat and hung the umbrella, before he moved from room to room, inspecting them. He wasn’t happy. Hux could easily tell.

“I’m disappointed, Armitage,” he said, running a finger along one of Hux’s bookshelves, finding perhaps a small speck of dust.

Then he turned to Millicent, who was hiding inside her little cat cave in the corner of the living room. She was scowling at him.

“Why do you keep that animal?” his father asked with a distasteful look on his face.

“She needed a home. The shelter struggled to replace her because of her behaviour due to her abusive past. She would have been euthanised if I didn’t take her,” Hux explained. But he failed to mention how her story had resonated with him in such a way that not bringing her home, simply hadn’t been an option.

“She should have been euthanised then.”

“Father, please,” Hux said.

Perhaps he should be used to it by now, but it still shocked Hux how cold his father could be.

His father simply gave him one of his unapologetic looks, making it clear that he was right and that Hux had once again made a stupid decision. Hux didn’t want to believe him, but he couldn’t help but feel that sting inside him that told him that he had done something wrong.

Hux took a deep breath. “Tea?” he offered, trying to change the subject.

“Please,” his father said, and then he smiled, making Hux feel confused.

Hux brewed a kettle of one of his more expensive teas that he knew his father liked, bringing it into the living room where his father had sat down on the sofa. Hux poured his father a cup of tea first, then one for himself, before he sat down too. His father sipped it, and he actually seemed pleased with it.

“So, what was it you wanted to talk about?”

Hux was afraid to ask, but there was no avoiding the inevitable.

His father put his teacup down. “I wanted to talk to you about Kylo Ren.”

Hux almost choked on his tea, but was able to collect himself.

Of course.

It made all kinds of sense that his father wanted to talk about Kylo. Hux knew he must have seen the photos and he must have been appalled at seeing his obedient son in the arms of some scandalous rocker - spread all over the internet and, recently, in magazines.

“Were you going to tell me about him?”

No.

If he could have, Hux would have ran away with Kylo the second he realised there were mutual feelings involved. Ran away as far as he could come, and never look back.

But he couldn’t do that. The world didn’t work that way.

“It’s pretty new,” said Hux.

His father nodded. “Yet, you are already all over the tabloids.”

Hux’s eyes went to the floor. “That was out of our control.”

“I’m sure it was out of your control,” his father said.

“What do you mean?” Hux asked, uncertain where this was going.

“I know you would never do such a thing, Armitage. You’re a good boy. But how do you know he didn’t set that whole thing up?”

What? No.

Hux shook his head. “He didn’t do that. I know he didn’t.”

Kylo had been beyond upset about that situation. Additionally, he hated that sort of attention. It was impossible that he had set it up.

His father sighed. “We both know that you can be a little naive, Armitage. It’s okay if you were fooled by him.”

“But I’m not being fooled,” Hux stated. His eyes were darting between the floor and his father’s face now.

“How long do you think it will take, Armitage, before he grows tired of you? Do you think he’s in love with you? Of course he’s not. It won’t be long before he throws you out like yesterday’s newspaper.”

Hux shook his head again, partly to show denial, partly to try to rid himself of the confusion that was setting in. “He’s not… he’s not like that.”

“Isn’t he?” his father asked. “How long have you known him for? A few weeks? Ah yes, that means that you know him so well, doesn't it.”

Hux frowned. “I may not have known him very long, but I know he wouldn't do that.”

His father gave him a sad smile, then put his hand on Hux’s knee. “Oh, Armitage. Why would you do that?”

Hux knew, he knew he shouldn’t trust him, but he had to ask, “Do what?”

“Why would you lie to yourself? You know you’ll only end up hurt. And I don’t want you to get hurt.“

It was lies. All lies. He knew it was. It had always been. So it had to be lies this time as well.

Right?

Phasma’s disbelief earlier at Kylo being in a relationship, suddenly came back to him.

“I-I’m not… Kylo’s not…” he stuttered, not able to find his words as doubt took over.

“Son," his father said, a word he rarely used. “I’m only trying to look after you - to do what’s best for you. And this boy, he’s not that.”

Hux blinked at him.

“You deserve better, Armitage,” he said, squeezing Hux’s knee gently.

Hux could hear himself obediently answer yes, as feelings of self-disgust and self-hatred washed over him.

Not too long after, his father left, but before Hux closed the door behind him, his father said with a smile, “I’m glad we had this talk. I’ll look forward to dinner tomorrow.”

Hux checked his phone after his father left and saw that Kylo had tried to call him. There was a text from him as well.

[10:17 Kylo]: How did it go? Are you okay?

Hux ignored it.

Sometime later, Kylo tried calling him again. Hux watched the phone ring, Kylo’s name lighting up the display, but he didn’t pick up.

A few minutes later, another text came through.

[11:43 Kylo]: Hux, come on, pick up.

Then:

[11:45 Kylo]: Please.

There was something that felt like a huge black hole inside Hux, and with every text and phone call that came through from Kylo, it somehow got worse, so Hux turned his phone off and went to bed.

Two o’clock in the morning, Hux was woken up by someone ringing his doorbell. Not the one down on the street, but the one in the corridor right outside his front door.

Hux scrambled out of bed and to the door, wondering what on earth was going on. He had never experienced anyone ringing his doorbell in the middle of the night before. His apartment building was thankfully not the kind of place where people drunkenly rang each other’s doorbells. Maybe this was the first time.

Still feeling worn out from his father’s visit, Hux groggily peaked through the peephole and got himself a shock. It was Kylo.

Shit.

He peeped through the eyehole again, seeing a soaked through, not particularly happy looking Kylo on the other side. Kylo rang the doorbell again and then knocked - hard.

Hux stood unmoving, not knowing what to do. He was in a strange state of limbo, where he both wanted and didn’t want to open the door. He felt so incredibly confused after what his father had told him, and when he was like this, he usually wanted to be alone with himself and his thoughts. But Kylo had changed things. He had changed him.

“Hux, open up, I can fucking hear you in there,” Kylo spoke through the door.

Hux jumped a little at Kylo’s voice, but then he sighed and finally unlocked and opened the door.

Kylo’s large frame entered Hux’s apartment. He looked angry. “Why didn’t you call? Or answer my texts?” he asked accusingly.

Hux didn’t look at Kylo. He just stood there in the hallway, in his pyjamas bottoms only, head hanging, shoulders slanted, waiting for Kylo to scold him for the way he had ignored him.

“You said you’d call!” Kylo continued. “I was really fucking worried something had happened!”

Then, it was as if Kylo suddenly noticed Hux’s submissive stance.

“Oh shit,” he said, quickly calming down, his voice becoming softer. “What did he say to you?”

“Nothing,” Hux answered quickly, his voice weak.

Kylo moved in on him, gently putting his uncasted hand under his chin and lifting it so Hux was forced to look at him. Hux squirmed a little under Kylo’s scrutinizing gaze, more than anything feeling embarrassed that Kylo was yet again seeing this weakling version of him.

Kylo kept looking at him, patiently waiting for a reply, and finally Hux said, “He told me you would grow tired of me. That you would leave.”

Kylo let go of Hux, turned around with his back against him, and Hux swore he could hear him count to ten before he turned back around again.

“I swear to God I will fucking kill him,” Kylo said through gritted teeth, his uncasted hand balled up into a fist. “Do you think I would be here in the middle of the fucking night if that was the case?”

“I… suppose not,” said Hux, his voice still weak as doubt was still lingering in his mind.

Kylo grabbed Hux and locked eyes with him. “I’m not going to leave you.”

“How do you know?”

It was a huge question, impossible to answer, and it was unfair of Hux to ask it.

Kylo’s eyes turned sad. He gave a small sigh before he pulled Hux into an embrace. “I don’t,” he answered.

Honesty.

Once again being held in Kylo’s strong arms, his naked upper body pressed against his cold, wet clothes, Hux felt the doubt from his father’s words disappear, slowly being replaced by Kylo’s. His weren't deceitful words wrapped up nicely to trick Hux. They were blatant and crude, but they were the truth.

“Listen, I don’t know how I can make this any clearer than telling you directly, but if you need me to, I’ll latch onto you like a fucking squid to make you understand I have no plans of leaving. Okay?”

Hux finally smiled. He even let out a little laugh. That was such a Kylo thing to say. “Okay,” he said, the last specks of doubt finally gone.

After having stood in the hallway for a while, holding each other, Hux said, “You’re soaked through, and I’m getting wet too. Do you want to take a shower to warm up?”

“Yes, please,” answered Kylo, planting a kiss at Hux’s left temple.

Hux tried to wiggle out of Kylo’s arms, but Kylo didn’t loosen his grip on him.

“Are you going to let me go?” Hux asked, moving his head to look at Kylo.

“Nope,” Kylo shook his head. “Squid, remember?”

“Then how are we going to get to the bathroom?”

“I’ve got that covered,” Kylo said, moving his arms downward and lifting Hux up like he weighed nothing at all.

Hux protested mildly, but it was only for show. He wrapped his legs around Kylo’s waist, and let himself be carried to the bathroom. Kylo’s silly squid thing meant more to him than he was able to express.

Chapter Text

It was only an hour until Hux’s dinner appointment with his father, and he and Kylo were in Hux’s apartment, getting ready.

Yesterday had been rough, and although Kylo had made everything better by showing up, Hux had struggled to fall asleep when they went to bed. When he finally did fall asleep, his mind had gone straight to the nightmares, before he had jerked awake again, panting and drenched in cold sweat.

But Kylo had been there, and he hadn’t cared about the shame Hux had been feeling. He had just wrapped his arms around Hux and held him, like he always did, and it had calmed Hux down.

And when Hux had whispered to him in the darkness, “Please come with me tomorrow”, Kylo had answered, “I would never let you go alone”.

As much as he wanted to, Hux had realised that he couldn’t face his father alone. It was hard for him to ask Kylo for help, because he was used to doing everything on his own. He had been taught not to lean on anyone. But he was slowly coming to understand that it was okay to depend on someone else - to not do everything by himself. It was difficult, but it also felt good to know that someone had his back - to know that Kylo truly wanted what was best for him, and that he wanted to help him reach that goal.

The day had been spent basically creating a battle plan for what they were going to do when they met Hux’s father, because Hux needed that control. It calmed him down as much as it could in this situation, to have a strategy to follow.

Hux wasn’t expecting much from tonight’s dinner. He was certain his father would be in complete denial about his behaviour for the rest of his living days. It wasn’t that Hux didn’t want him to admit to what he had done to him, but he knew that would never happen, and he was strangely okay with that. He didn’t need an apology. What he needed was to finally tell his father that he wasn’t going to listen to him anymore. That his father didn’t own him anymore. That Hux wasn’t going to do anything at all anymore unless he was the one who wanted to do it. Or, to put it in Kylo’s eloquent words: he was going to tell him to fuck off out of his life.

Hux had been swinging between solid anger and fear of confrontation all day long. One moment he was imagining doing the darkest possible things to his father (way more than just calling him out), the next he felt himself cowering under the mere thought of how his father would react to his opposition.

He had been an unstable wreck, but somehow Kylo had pulled him through it by just being there. He had only left his side momentarily to go home and change. Now he was standing in Hux’s bedroom, scowling at something invisible while Hux was tying his tie. Kylo couldn’t do that with his broken hand, and Hux found himself taking a strange pleasure in doing it for him.

“Tell me why we’re dressing up for this asshole?” Kylo asked him.

“We’re not dressing up for him. We’re dressing up for the restaurant. They don’t allow holey t-shirts.”

“My t-shirts aren’t holey. They’re distressed. ”

Hux rolled his eyes. “The restaurant doesn’t care. No fine clothing, no service.”

He finished off tying Kylo’s tie, then purposefully tightened it too much, which made Kylo cough. Kylo raised an eyebrow as he loosened it with his uncasted hand, and Hux smiled cheekily at him.

“Just a friendly reminder of who’s the boss,” said Hux and walked out into the hallway, where the large mirror was.

He looked at himself, checking his suit and fixing his hair for the nth time. He shouldn’t care if something was out of place or not perfect. If anything, he should strive for the opposite, but it seemed old habits really did die hard.

Kylo came up behind him, meeting his eyes in the mirror.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Yes,” Hux answered him. Then, “No.”

Hux's eyes quickly went to the floor, before they met Kylo’s again. “I don’t know,” he sighed.

“All of those are okay,” said Kylo.

Are they?

And then it was as if Kylo read his mind and answered his unspoken question. “They really are. Hell, it would be weirder if you weren’t unsure.”

“Do you think so?”

“I’m not an expert on emotions, but yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re normal.”

Hux gave him a small smile in the mirror. Somehow, Kylo always managed to make him feel better.

“Completely normal then?” said Hux.

“Yes. Well, apart from all this. ”

Kylo gestured to pretty much all of Hux in the mirror, and Hux turned to him with a questioning face.

“All this? ”

“Yeah, you know, this stuff you’ve got going on here,” he said, once again gesturing to all of Hux, now including his face.

“What are you talking about?” Hux asked in confusion.

“You mean, you don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“That you look breathtaking,” Kylo said, looking dead serious.

“I… What?”

Hux blushed at the sudden compliment. The sudden very cheesy compliment, but he always blushed whenever Kylo complimented him, no matter what.

Then Kylo grinned, and Hux realised. “You’re trying to distract me, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Kylo admitted, “but that doesn’t mean you aren't breathtaking.”

Hux looked at him. “Thank you.”

In the taxi, on their way to the restaurant, Hux started feeling nervous again. It started out as a little pinch in his stomach, then slowly grew to what felt like a bottomless black hole inside him. His head had started aching too.

When the taxi stopped, he noticed how Kylo handed the driver some money and got out of the car. He knew he should get out too, but somehow he couldn’t move. He just sat there.

The taxi driver said something, but Hux couldn't quite hear him.

“Pardon?” Hux said, feeling a little short of breath for some reason.

The taxi driver spoke again, but his voice was strange. Muffled somehow.

The car door on Hux’s opposite side opened again, and Kylo leaned into the car. He was moving his mouth and Hux tried to focus on it. Tried to listen. He thought maybe Kylo was speaking his name.

“I can’t understand you,” said Hux, shaking his head. Or at least he thought he said it, but he wasn’t sure.

The car door slammed shut. The taxi driver was still talking to him, and Hux wished he wouldn’t, because he couldn’t answer. He was frozen.

Then the car door on his side opened, and Kylo appeared again. It looked as if he was saying something to the taxi driver, and he wasn’t happy. Then he bent over Hux and unbuckled his belt, before he grabbed Hux carefully with one arm and helped him out of the car.

Finally outside, the noise of the city hit Hux like a ton of bricks. He went from hearing muffled sounds to everything suddenly being very loud. And all the lights were so bright, they hurt his eyes.

He clasped his hands over his ears, trying to block out the sound. And then he just walked, right into the road, not even knowing what direction he was going in. It didn't matter. He just needed to get away - from the noise, the lights, and from the horror that was awaiting him in the form of his father.

“HUX!” a voice screamed at him as a car honked and came to a screeching halt right in front of him.

Hux dropped his hands from his ears and noticed how everyone were looking at him - the woman in the car, the pedestrians on the sidewalk. He was making a fool of himself right in front of them. Could his father see him from inside the restaurant across the street?

His breath was steadily growing shorter, and he could hear his pulse throbbing inside his head.

“Hux!” someone called to him again, and Hux turned to the sound of the voice.

It was Kylo, moving quickly towards him. Hux looked at him helplessly, his breath feeling painful now, letting himself be grabbed by Kylo’s strong arm when he reached him.

Kylo held onto him with a powerful grip (it hurt a little) as he led him out of the road and into a back alley close by. He made Hux lean against the wall of a building, and only then did he remove his hand. But only to move it up to his face instead, gently cupping his cheek with it.

“Hux, what’s happening? Tell me,” he said, and Hux thought he sounded worried.

“I don't - want to - do it,” Hux told him between short, sharp intakes of air. His mouth was as dry as a desert. “I-I can’t. I can’t do it. He’ll be so - so angry - at me. So angry.”

Hux grabbed onto Kylo’s suit jacket with trembling hands. “P-please don’t - make me - do it.”

Kylo covered Hux’s shaking hands with his uncasted one, and tried his best to hold them with the one that was casted too. He looked into Hux's eyes and talked calmly to him.

“You don’t have to go in there if you don’t want to. I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do,” he spoke in a soothing voice, and Hux listened intently to every word.

“He’s going to - punish me,” said Hux, trying his best to put words to his fear.

Kylo shook his head, and he looked very confident as he did it. “No, he’s not. He’s never going to punish you ever again. You know why?”

“No,” Hux whimpered, his head leaning against Kylo’s chest now. He could hear his heartbeat. It was a lot calmer than his own.

Kylo wrapped his arms around him and held him tight.

“Because I’m here, and I’ll never let anything happen to you. I’ll be right next to you the whole time. If he wants to say or do anything to you, he’ll have to go through me first. I’ll be your shield.”

They stood like that for what felt like hours, Hux eventually feeling his pulse calm down, his breath stabilizing, and his hands stop shaking. He wondered how many times Kylo would have to hold him like that, for him to never panic again.

“I’m so sick of this - of feeling like this. I don’t want to do this anymore,” Hux finally said, feeling more frustrated than anything else.

“Then change it,” Kylo told him. “You can do it. You’re so much stronger than you think you are.”

Hux knew that Kylo meant what he said, which curiously enough almost made Hux believe it. He wasn’t certain he actually could do it, but he had come this far and fought through this much.

“I’ll try,” said Hux.

“That’s all you can do,” Kylo said with a smile, giving Hux a safe feeling.

Hux drew a deep breath, turning to look at the restaurant on the other side of the street. His father was in there, waiting for him. Hux looked at his wrist watch. It was two minutes past six.

“He’s going to be mad at me for being late now.”

“I don’t give a shit if he gets mad. His time isn't more important than you.”

Once again, Hux wondered if Kylo was aware of what an impact his words had.

“And by the way, my offer to punch him in the face still stands. I’ll take a lawsuit for you anyday.”

Hux gave him a crooked smile. He was glad Kylo was able to crack a joke in a situation like this (although he knew Kylo was serious as well). He needed that.

“You’re too good to me,” Hux told him. Then, in a determined voice, he said, “Let’s go.”

A waitress showed Hux and Kylo to a table at the back of the restaurant, close to the kitchen away from prying eyes, where Hux’s father sat waiting.

To say that Brendol Hux was surprised at seeing Kylo, would be an understatement. He looked at Hux first, his face only showing dismay, before he realised that Kylo was even there. When he noticed him, he almost did a double take, and although he collected himself quickly, the sour face he made when he laid his eyes on him, gave Hux a surge of confidence.

“Hello, father,” Hux said and even braved a small smile.

His father fixed his eyes on him for a long time, barely blinking, before he opened his mouth and asked, “Is this some sort of farce?”

“Not at all,” said Hux, sounding as confident as he could, but feeling how his voice was quickly wavering under his father’s scrutinizing gaze.

Kylo pulled the chair directly across from Brendol out for Hux, who sat down. Kylo then sat down next to him.

Brendol didn’t look at Kylo when he spoke in a low voice, “I don’t believe he was invited.”

“I invited him,” Hux spoke back.

“Have you gone absolutely mad, Armitage? What is this nonsense?”

“I need to talk to you,” said Hux, noticing how the very short window of time he had for speaking up, was already closing.

“No,” Brendol stated. “We’re not having any conversation under these circumstances. I came here to enjoy a lovely dinner with my only son, not to be ambushed by that same son, that I, after last night, thought I had finally found back to.”

Brendol got up from his chair, and Hux found himself desperately searching for words to say to make his father sit down again. He needed him to sit down. If he left now, Hux wasn’t sure he would ever be able to find the guts to speak up again. But he couldn’t find the words. Why couldn’t he find any god damn words?

Hux gave Kylo a pleading look, a call for help, and thankfully Kylo understood.

Just as Brendol was about to walk away from the table, Kylo spoke up, “You will sit the fuck down and listen to what your son has to say to you.”

Brendol stopped dead in his tracks. “Excuse me?” he said, and for the first time since they walked in, he looked at Kylo.

“Sit down,“ Kylo repeated. “Or I’ll make you sit down.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Let’s say it is,” Kylo answered him, his voice dark.

Brendol raised his eyebrows at him. “And how exactly were you going to make me do anything, hm? Turn to violence, perhaps?”

“I’m not gonna lie, it’s very tempting,” said Kylo with a mocking smile.

“Do you have any concept of what it entails to threaten me?” Brendol smiled back at Kylo, and he seemed amused almost.

“I have a pretty good idea, yeah. I’m sure you have plenty of strings available for pulling simply to fuck me over, if you want to,” Kylo began. “But here’s the thing, and I think you already know this: I don’t give a shit. My reputation is already in the ditch. Yours, however… Can you imagine the field day the press would have if they knew the truth about how you treat your son?”

“Those would be mere accusations,” Brendol scoffed. He didn’t seem particularly fazed by Kylo’s threat.

“Maybe coming from him,” Kylo said and nodded towards Hux. “But what if it was backed by a US senator?”

Brendol’s eyes widened slightly before they narrowed. “You’re bluffing. Everyone knows you’re the shame of your family. Your mother would never believe you.”

Kylo smirked at him. “Are you really willing to bet your entire reputation on the relationship between me and my mother? What if it’s changed? Recently.”

Kylo pulled his phone out of the inside pocket of his jacket and put it on the table. “I can give her a call right now, if you really want to find out.”

Brendol looked at the phone, then back at Kylo, and for the first time in his life, Hux thought he saw a flash of actual fear on his face. He gave Kylo an icy stare, before he finally sat down across from Hux again.

Hux had to take a moment, because he had never imagined that anyone could one up his father the way Kylo just had. Granted, this was something they had talked about doing if it was needed, as Kylo had assured him that senator Organa would back him one hundred percent if she learned about this (she would probably have to be stopped from coming down here herself, wringing his father’s neck), but Hux had never thought it would have such an effect.

“There is something very important I have to say to you, and I need you to hear me out,” said Hux. He didn’t meet his father’s eyes. He couldn't look at him when he said this. Instead, he focused on the burning candle on the table.

“You haven't treated me well,” Hux began. “Since you took me in after mum died, my life has been nothing short of a nightmare. I have spent my teenage years and my adult life so far jumping when you told me to jump, because I was afraid of you. Because I knew what punishment awaited me if I didn't.”

As Hux was talking about this, there was a clear, distilled anger gradually building up inside him, and together with the anger, he could feel his confidence return as well.

His voice was a little clearer when he continued, “You have consistently lied to me and manipulated me, using me as some sort of tool for your own agenda.”

Hux finally dared to look up and meet his father’s eyes, and he looked… sad?

Don’t be fooled.

Brendol leaned towards Hux, and his tone of voice was mild when he said, “Armitage, this really isn’t like you. I reached out to you yesterday with my best intentions.”

Don’t trust him.

Hux shook his head. “No, you tried to trick me, like you have for decades. Your mind tricks have made me feel like a worthless piece of trash for too long.”

His father kept his eyes on him, and his voice was still calm when he spoke again. “This boy,” he gestured to Kylo, “has poisoned your mind against me.”

At the mention of Kylo, Hux’s anger peaked. His father had used Kylo against him the night before, but Hux was not going to let him use Kylo against him again. His father was not going to make up lies about the one person in Hux’s life that was trustworthy.

“Stop it!” Hux suddenly said, as he slammed the palm of his hand down on the table, making the silverware bounce.

Hux was surprised at the force of his own voice. Not being loud, but the share assertiveness of it. It was as if he had broken through some invisible barrier that had held him back before. A barrier his father had forced upon him.

His father stared at him, his eyes larger now. “Armitage, you are making a scene. Control yourself!” he hissed through gritted teeth.

“Don’t you dare talk about Kylo ever again! He is a good person. He listens to me and treats me with respect. He is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

His father scoffed at him, but Hux could tell that he was losing control, because he wasn’t as calm anymore. “Has anger management taught you nothing?”

“This is what anger management has taught me! To stand up for myself! To be assertive! I don’t have an anger problem. The only problem I have is you !” Hux lashed back at him.

The corner of Brendol’s mouth twitched, as if he wanted to say something, but before he could, Hux went on.

“You have kept me from living the life I really want for so long. But not anymore. It ends here. You end here. I want nothing to do with you anymore.”

Hux had nothing more to say. He was done. Finished. He had said what he had come to say, and he neither needed nor wanted to stay for the aftermath.

He stood up from his chair, a triumphant smile slowly spreading across his face. Next to him, Kylo stood up too.

As Hux turned to leave, his father handed him one last threat. Except it wasn’t a threat to Hux anymore. It was simply a desperate last try from a desperate man. “If you walk out that door, Armitage, you will never hear from me again.”

“I’m counting on it,” retorted Hux, without turning around.

Outside the restaurant, the confrontation with his father finally over and done with, Hux felt as if a huge load had been lifted from his shoulders. He felt so light and free, he was certain he could soar up into the sky and stars above him.

“I can’t believe I actually did that,” Hux said to Kylo, grinning from ear to ear, his heart throbbing in his chest. But for once, it was beating from the rush of success, not from fear.

Kylo grinned back at him. “I can, and I’m so proud of you.”

Hux shook his head in disbelief. Then his grin turned into a laugh. “Did you see his face when you mentioned your mother? It was priceless!”

“It was fucking glorious,” admitted Kylo.

Hux grabbed Kylo and gave him a victorious kiss. He was still smiling broadly when he pulled away from him, but he had calmed down a little. “I feel almost unstoppable now,” he said.

“Superhero Hux,” Kylo winked.

“Do you think I would look good in a cape?”

“You’d look good in anything.”

“Smooth,” said Hux, almost giggling from pure happiness.

“I think maybe we should get out of here though,” said Kylo, looking at something behind Hux. “We’re starting to attract a small crowd.”

Hux hadn't noticed, because he was so wrapped up in the situation and what he had just accomplished, but a few people had stopped not too far away from them. They were eyeing them closely, a couple of them having pulled their phones out.

“Oh,” he said when he spotted them. “Oh yes, we should probably get a taxi.”

Kylo quickly hailed a taxi, and they were able to escape the growing crowd of people wanting to take photos of them. On their way back to Hux’s apartment, they stopped at a small Italian place Hux knew of, to buy pizza. When they got in the taxi, Kylo had somewhat crankily pointed out that they hadn’t actually had anything to eat at that fancy restaurant, and that he was really hungry. His stomach had then proceeded to growl loudly to underline that fact.

Safely back at Hux’s apartment, having eaten the pizza (Kylo had basically inhaled it), Hux was very happily lying on top of Kylo on the sofa, listening to the calming beat of his heart.

“Hey, Hux,” said Kylo after a while.

“Yes?” Hux purred into his chest.

“Did you mean what you said back there?” Kylo asked.

Hux shifted on top of Kylo so he could look at him. He wasn’t sure what Kylo was referring to. “About what?”

Kylo hesitated, then he said, “You said I was the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

Hux couldn’t help but blush a little. Everything he had said to his father at the restaurant had been very emotional, but it had all been true.

“Yes,” he admitted. “I meant it. Everything changed after I met you. You helped me change.”

“Shit,” said Kylo and turned his face away.

“What? Is that… bad?”

Hux suddenly felt a mild panic coming on. Had he said too much? Been too honest? Moved too quickly?

Kylo was silent for a while. Then he said, still not looking at Hux (which was unusual for him), “I didn’t know you felt that strongly about me.”

Hux crawled off Kylo. What was happening right now? Why was Kylo suddenly turning distant and weird? He thought they were good. Really good.

“Um…” was all Hux managed to say.

Kylo sat up on the sofa. “I’m sorry.”

Hux just stared at him. What was he saying? What did he mean?

“You’re sorry?” Hux asked.

“Yes, I’m sorry -"

Kylo put his hand on Hux’s thigh.

Wait…

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner that I feel the same way.”

Then Kylo’s face broke into a huge grin.

Hux gaped at him, as he realised Kylo had pulled one over on him again.

“Oh, fuck you! ” said Hux, punching at Kylo’s arm.

Kylo laughed so hard he almost fell off the sofa, and Hux decided he wasn’t going to let him get away with this. He needed punishment.

“I hate you,” Hux told him, as he basically jumped on top of Kylo, pinning him down to the sofa with his long legs.

‘No, you don’t,” said Kylo, still laughing his head off.

Hux bent down over him, giving his right earlobe a lick and a nibble, and Kylo went from a laughing clown to a willing lackey in seconds. Hux would never grow tired of having this power over him.

“Yes, I do,” Hux whispered, breathing warm air on the sensitive spot right below Kylo’s ear. “I hate you so much.”

With expert hands, Hux then quickly ripped open Kylo’s trousers, and Kylo gave a small moan as Hux started rubbing his cock outside his boxers.

Kylo grabbed a good hold of Hux’s ass, and then he whispered back at him, “I hate you too.”

Chapter Text

Kylo was on the sofa in the living room, typing away on his phone, when he heard the elevator doors to the apartment open and close. Soon after, a sweaty Phasma entered the room in all black gym clothes.

“Hey, what’s up?” she greeted him, throwing her gym bag on the floor.

“Hey,” said Kylo, eyes still fixed on his phone, somewhat awkwardly texting with his left hand only.

“Are you texting Hux?” Phasma teased him.

“Yup.”

“You know how I could tell? From that gross smile on your face.”

Kylo looked up at Phasma and made a point out of giving her a wide grin.

Phasma made a barf sound, but Kylo just shrugged. He knew no one rooted for Hux and him more than her.

Then she turned serious and said, “I need to talk to you.”

Oh-oh.

Phasma had only said those words to him once before: after the paparazzi incident, when she had finally called out his aggressive behaviour. He couldn't remember having done anything wrong lately, so he wondered what she wanted to talk about.

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked jokingly.

Phasma snorted and sat down on the couch next to him. “No, honey, we’re in it for life.”

“Thank god. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She gave him a cocky smirk, knowing full well how important she was to him. Then she took a deep breath. “So, I know I was pretty hard on you after the paparazzi incident.”

“Yeah,” Kylo answered a little awkwardly.

Looking back now, he was ashamed about the whole thing. It wasn't that he in any way had been proud of his actions at the time, but he had felt entitled to them, and that was pretty fucked up.

“I had to be though,” Phasma continued. “You needed a reality check.”

Kylo nodded slowly. “No, I know. I needed to hear it from you. It wouldn't have sunk into my thick skull if anyone else had said it.”

“I have to say, I really wasn't sure if this anger management thing would actually work, but it has really changed you for the better. You’ve come a long way,” she smiled.

Kylo smiled back at her. “Well... It’s not all because of the anger management.”

“Ugh, yeah-yeah, I know. Hux came into your life like your personal Jesus and saved you,” she said with an expression of nausea on her face.

“I wouldn't go as far as calling him Jesus, but he is really good. And he made me realise some things I’m not sure I would’ve without him.”

It was weird, in a sense, talking about Hux in this way. Six weeks ago, Kylo still wanted to punch every other person he met in the face for no apparent reason, he only went to anger management because he was court ordered to, and he sure as hell wasn't looking for a boyfriend. Six weeks ago, he didn't know Hux existed, and when he first talked to him he thought he was the biggest stick-in-the-mud he had ever met. But they had clicked, despite being so different on the surface, and they had gone through so much together in these last few weeks, Kylo felt as if they had known each other for years.

It was a sickening cliché, and Kylo would never say it out loud, but the word soulmates kept crossing his mind.

Phasma rolled her eyes. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that I’m proud of you, Kylo.”

“Awww thanks, mom,” joked Kylo, finding himself slightly embarrassed by Phasma’s words.

“I’m trying to be serious here, you jerk.”

Phasma punched him playfully in the arm. Then she opened her own arms and said, “Come here.”

“Are you going to hug me now?”

“Of course. That’s what moms do.”

Kylo leaned in and hugged her, properly at first, but then switched to squeezing her really hard, just for kicks. Phasma’s competitive instinct kicked in immediately, and she locked her arms around him, trying her best to crush him.

“You’ve been upping your weights,” Kylo commented.

“I’ve also practiced my martial arts,” she said, somehow managing to sneak a leg around Kylo’s back, pulling them both to the floor.

“Not. Fair!” grunted Kylo.

Phasma was a dirty cheat using her martial arts tricks. She knew very well that Kylo couldn’t compete with her flexibility. He could, however, compete with her strength. If he only managed to get on top with his one functional arm, he would still win.

The two of them rolled around on the floor, trying to pin each other down. Kylo tried his darndest to get on top, but he couldn’t get a good grip with just one arm.

Eventually, it became clear that none of them would win, and when they both tapped each other on the arm in defeat at the same time, they let each other go, rolling onto their backs on the floor.

“Why are we like this?” Kylo asked, panting from the impromptu wrestling session, staring up at the ceiling.

“I don’t know. I think it’s a disease,” answered Phasma, out of breath.

“If anyone ever offers us a reality show, we have to turn them down. No one can ever know this about us. We won’t be a cool rock band anymore.”

“But Keeping up with Kylo has such a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

Kylo cringed so hard it physically hurt. “Oh, fuck no.” He then turned his head to Phasma and made a sniff gesture in her direction. “You smell.”

Phasma got up from the floor. “At least I have an excuse. I’ve been to the gym. You stink all the time.”

Kylo laughed as Phasma grabbed her gym bag and disappeared out of the room. He didn’t get up from the floor until he heard his phone buzz.

[12:02 Hux]: Are you home? I need to talk to you.

[12:04 Kylo]: You’re the second person to say that to me today. I hope you’re not breaking up with me either.

[12:04 Hux]: What? No!

[12:06 Kylo]: Lol I was joking. I know you’d never break up with me.

[12.06 Hux]: Don’t get cocky.

[12:06 Kylo]: But you like me cocky.

[12:07 Hux]: Not that kind of cocky.

[12:09 Kylo]: Keep talking like that, and I’ll be just the kind of cocky you like by the time you get here.

[12:10 Hux]: That almost made me break into a sprint.

[12:11 Kylo]: Almost, huh? You make me feel so wanted.

[12:11 Hux]: I just really don’t want to sweat in this suit.

[12:12 Kylo]: Then get over here asap and take it off.

[12:14 Hux]: Excuse me, are you giving me orders?

[12:15 Kylo]: If I were, what would you do about it?

[12:17 Hux]: If you were, I would have to teach you a lesson.

[12:18 Kylo]: In that case: Get over here. Right now.

Not even five minutes later, the concierge downstairs called to tell Kylo that Hux was on his way up. Kylo waited for him in the living room, and soon enough he heard the elevator doors open again and a very handsome Hux in a dark slim fit suit with a stern look on his face, came walking into to the room.

“That was quick,” Kylo commented.

Hux walked silently towards him, until he was over by the couch, where he, without hesitation, climbed on top of Kylo and straddled him. He pushed him backwards into the couch, and before Kylo was able to even take a breath, Hux’s mouth was on his, demandingly parting his lips with his tongue.

Kylo gleefully let Hux have his way with him, gratefully cupping his tight ass as he melted into his ravenous kisses.

Hux moved his lips to Kylo’s ear, whispering into it, his tickling breath spreading goosebumps down Kylo’s neck.

“You keep forgetting your place,” he said, and Kylo couldn’t help himself from letting out a low growl, because he couldn’t fucking deal with his own needs when Hux was like this.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo whispered back at him, his voice raspy and heated.

“You don’t feel particularly sorry,” said Hux, pressing down on Kylo’s very obvious erection.

Kylo gave another growl, pushing his hips upwards. Hux’s hard-on wasn’t any less obvious than his own. He found Hux’s neck and began nibbling on it.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. You have a room, Kylo!” Phasma’s voice suddenly sounded.

Hux let out a small squeal, before he jumped off Kylo like a scared cat, immediately turning red. “Oh my god! Phasma, I’m sorry!” he exclaimed.

Kylo snickered, and Hux gave him a look that would easily make small children cry from fear. “Why didn't you tell me she was home?” he hissed at him.

“You didn't exactly give me a chance to,” said Kylo, trying his best to hold back a laugh.

“I’m mortified,” said Hux, looking as if he wanted the floor to open up below him and swallow him whole, not even daring to meet Phasma’s eyes.

“Yes, I can clearly see the shame on you both,” Phasma remarked cooly.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Hux chanted as he whipped around on the spot, hiding the bulge in his pants.

Kylo couldn’t hold back his laugh any longer. Hux was so fucking adorable when he was embarrassed and Phasma was simply too hilarious when she was offended. Or pretended that she was, anyway - as if she hadn’t seen (or done) worse. He grabbed a pillow and put it in his lap, covering his hard-on.

“There. Is that better?” he asked her.

Phasma glared at him. “I’m going to the kitchen to make some lunch, and when I come back, I will expect you to have found another room.”

Hux more or less ran from the living room when Phasma left, while Kylo casually walked after him.

“That was fun!” said Kylo with a huge grin on his face, walking into his own room and closing the door behind him.

“That was embarrassing!” Hux told him, his face still red. “How far were you planning to take that, knowing she was in the next room?”

Kylo shrugged. “She wasn't the focus of my attention.”

Kylo looked at Hux with hungry eyes. He was still very much turned on, the heat from Hux’s kisses and touches only minutes before, still lingering on his skin. He moved in on Hux, wrapping his arms around his waist, finding back to that spot on his neck he had started on before. He let his tongue trail up to Hux’s earlobe, which he bit teasingly down on.

“You see, you have this effect on me,” Kylo whispered to him. “When you touch me, I forget that the rest of the world exist.”

Hux sighed in pleasure, leaning in on Kylo. But then he put his hands on Kylo’s chest, pushing him gently away.

“Kylo,” he spoke in a soft voice, his momentary embarrassment forgotten.

Kylo’s body almost screamed at being parted from Hux, and he couldn’t help himself from trying to get close again. Sneakily, he grabbed Hux’s hand, putting one of his fingers into his mouth, sucking on it.

Hux drew a sharp breath at the sensation, and Kylo moved on to the next finger, giving it a similar treatment.

“Kylo, please, I really need to talk to you.”

He wasn’t exactly insisting, and his heavy-lidded eyes told Kylo that he could easily keep going without hearing further protest, if he wanted to. But Hux would never have come over in the middle of the day on a Monday if what he wanted to talk about, wasn’t important. Come to think of it, it was so out of character for him, Kylo should have reacted to it sooner. So he very reluctantly withdrew from Hux, leaving a final kiss on the tip of his ring finger. He guessed he could be patient this one time in his life.

“Okay, who are you and what have you done to Armitage Hux?”

Hux laughed.

“It’s one o’clock on a Monday, and you’re here. And since you’re the kind of guy who wouldn't leave work early even if someone held a gun to your head, the only two sensible explanations are that an alien has taken over your body Men in Black style, or you’re an evil clone.”

Hux arched an eyebrow. “Nothing escapes your inquisitive mind, does it, Sherlock?”

“I’m gonna go for the clone theory, because who wouldn't want to clone a prime specimen like yourself? I sure wouldn't mind a second set,” Kylo winked.

Hux crossed his arms, feigning offense. “Oh, so I’m not enough for you, am I?”

“Oh no, you’re plenty. I’m just fantasizing about what it would be like in a Hux sandwich.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “You are such an idiot.”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

Hux leaned in a little closer to Kylo, and in a conspiratorial tone of voice, he said, “Spoiler alert: everyone already knows.”

Kylo poked Hux in the side, and he squealed again, making Kylo smirk.

“Tell me where the Hux I met six weeks ago, is.”

“He's in here somewhere,” said Hux, turning serious. “And I don’t think I want to let all of him go. But pieces of him are slowly being swapped out. Like broken car parts, I suppose.”

Kylo studied Hux. Just like himself, he had changed a lot in the last six weeks. He had become more confident. He believed in himself. But there were still insecurities there, just below the surface. Kylo desperately wanted to tell those insecurities to fuck off and leave his boyfriend alone. But it didn't work that way, and he knew it. It was just really shitty to see someone he cared about this much, not being as completely happy as he deserved.

“You’re not a broken car,” Kylo stated and shook his head.

Hux met his eyes (he was getting better at that too). “No, I know. It was just a silly comparison.”

His expression changed then, from pensive to secretive. “I quit my job.”

A smile spread across his face after dropping the bomb, and Kylo gaped at him.

“You what?” Kylo said in shock. “How? Why?”

Hux chuckled. “It’s not what I want to do. It was never what I wanted to do. And now, after finally parting with my father, I don’t have to do it anymore. I can do whatever I want.”

Kylo couldn't keep from staring at Hux. He looked happy talking about this. Really happy. Kylo rewinded to when he had asked Hux about this the first time he visited him, and clearly remembered how he had said that he was only doing what he did because his dad wanted him to.

“Holy shit,” Kylo let out. “What are you gonna do now?”

“Remember how you said I should write more?” asked Hux, his green eyes sparkling.

“Yes?” answered Kylo, fairly sure what was coming.

“I’m going to do that. I have a lot of ideas, and there’s a book I really want to - no, need - to write. Actually, there are several, but I should probably start with one. It would be difficult to write more than one book at the same time. Although, I’d be up for the challenge.”

You’re babbling.

Hux never babbled. He was always very cool and collected, carefully weighing each word that came out of his mouth. But now he was fucking babbling out of pure excitement, and Kylo felt a warmth spread in his chest at seeing him act like that.

Kylo grabbed Hux and planted a kiss on his lips.

“What was that for?” grinned Hux when Kylo let him go.

“For you being fucking amazing.”

Hux blushed. He always seemed to do that when Kylo complimented him, and it was precious.

“I’ve said this before, but I’m really proud of you. In just a couple of days, you’ve told your douchebag dad to go fuck himself, and quit a job you never really liked. You’re a new man.”

Hux smiled shyly. “Thank you.”

“And I haven’t seen you freak out about creased paper since the first time we met.”

“Shut up,” said Hux, pushing Kylo playfully. Then he added, “I still like my things to be neat, thank you very much.”

“And yet, you decided to be my boyfriend.”

Hux put his arms around Kylo’s neck, giving him a sultry look. “You clean up pretty good.”

Hux pressed a gentle kiss to Kylo’s jawline.

“But if you’re quitting your job, does that mean you won’t be wearing suits as often anymore?” Kylo asked, afraid he would loose sexy suit Hux. Not that Hux wasn’t always sexy, but suit Hux was just that little bit extra.

“Probably,” answered Hux.

“I object to that,” said Kylo.

Hux laughed. “You will simply have to take advantage of it for as long as you can.”

Kylo gave him a cheeky smile. “Don’t mind if I do.” He slipped away from Hux and sat down on the bed. “Come here, daddy.”

Hux stared at him. “You did not just call me daddy .”

“I did though,” answered Kylo, still smirking at him.

“Let me make it clear right now: that is not going to be a thing,” said Hux, taking his suit jacket off and draping it over a chair.

“I love how you don’t realise that you are one,” snickered Kylo. He was just joking, but he found it hilarious that Hux took it so seriously.

Hux stood himself in between Kylo’s legs, grabbed his chin and turned his face up to look at him.

“I honestly liked it better when you called me general.”

Kylo gasped in childish excitement. “Does that mean I get to call you General Hux?”

Hux seemed to consider it, still holding a firm grip on Kylo’s chin, and Kylo realised that the patience he had forced upon himself earlier, was now long gone. But his hard-on was definitely back.

“Perhaps every once in a while,” Hux finally said.

“Oh, hell yes.”

Kylo reached out for Hux and pulled his shirt out of his pants, pushing it up his waist, exposing his pale skin. He licked his lips hungrily, leaning in for a taste.

“But not in public,” asserted Hux, grabbing Kylo’s hair and tugging him backwards before his lips could reach him.

Kylo grunted in pleasured pain and impatience. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he spoke, looking up at Hux obediently.

“Good, we’re in agreement then. You may proceed.”

Hux loosened his grip on Kylo’s hair, and Kylo dug into him as if he was a delicious delicacy, fully intending on devouring him completely.

Kylo arrived at therapy ten minutes early the day after (and he was fucking proud of himself), unsurprisingly finding Hux already there. He was in the same seat as the first time Kylo had seen him, sitting in the exact same position - his legs crossed, hands folded loosely in his lap. Kylo couldn't help but smile at him as he sat down.

“Why are you smiling like that?” asked Hux.

“You,” answered Kylo.

“Do not make me blush in this place,” he stated clearly.

“I just thought back to our first session. You sat in the same spot.”

Hux looked around him. “Yes, I did. And you were over there.” He nodded to a chair next to Amilyn, now occupied by someone else.

“Truth time,” said Kylo. “What did you think the first time you saw me?”

Hux raised his eyebrows at him. “I thought -” He dragged it out. “That you were a hot-headed brute who didn't respect other people’s time.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“To be fair, you were late, and you almost got into a fight within five minutes of your arrival.” Then he added, “Not that a certain gentleman wouldn’t have deserved a good smack.”

Kylo grinned and looked over at Poe, who was talking and gesturing to the person next to him (who, in turn, didn’t come off as particularly interested). “He was an asshole, wasn’t he.”

“I believe he still is,” said Hux sharply. “Now, what was your first impression of me?”

“I thought you looked horribly out of place, and I liked your accent.”

“I didn’t know you were such an Anglophile.”

“I also thought you had a giant stick up your ass.”

“Oh,” Hux let out. “I… suppose that wasn’t completely untrue, though.”

Kylo leaned in a little closer to Hux and lowered his voice to make absolutely sure no one else could hear him when he said, “But then I went home and jerked off to you, so no worries.”

Hux turned to him, his face a little flushed. “Really? After the first session?”

“After our first partner meeting at Kanata’s, actually.”

The corners of Hux’s mouth curled ever so slightly upwards, giving him a smug, catlike appearance. Kylo understood that this information had just given him quite the confidence boost. It was like he didn’t know how hot he was.

“You never thought about me like that before anything happened between us?” Kylo asked. He was curious and he needed to know. For scientific purposes. And by scientific purposes, he meant his own ego.

“No,” Hux answered quickly.

Ego down.

The self-satisfied look on Hux’s face turned milder when he continued, “No, I thought about you. I just tried really hard to suppress it and refused myself the pleasure.”

At that, Kylo’s face was the one turning smug. “Refused yourself the pleasure, hm?”

Hux shifted in his chair and crossed his legs the other way. “I feel like we’re moving onto a topic that shouldn’t be discussed here,” he said, scanning the room to make sure no one were listening to them still.

“Don’t be such a bore,” Kylo teased.

“I can’t help it. The stick up my ass prevents me from being fun.”

Not long after, everyone in the room had taken their seats, and Amilyn started talking.

“Welcome to your final session, everyone,” she greeted them, her usual smile in place. “Can you believe it’s been six weeks already?”

Kylo both could and couldn’t believe it. On one hand, the time had flown by so fast it felt as if mere days had gone by since his first session. On the other hand, so much had happened in the last six weeks, it might as well have been six years.

“In this last session, I was hoping all of you would share your experiences from anger management. What have you learned? Has anything changed in your life?”

By now, everyone were pretty much comfortable with sharing in the group, and as they went around in the circle, everyone told their own stories of how the last six weeks had helped them onto a new path. Kylo almost laughed at the whole thing. Not because it was stupid. Not at all. But because six weeks ago, he would never in a million fucking years have envisioned himself even remotely opening up to these strangers. But it was his turn now, and he found himself sharing.

“I didn't exactly have high hopes for this anger management stuff when I came here the first time, but I was proven wrong. I somehow learned to take responsibility for all the shit I’ve done through the years. And I -" He stopped, wondering how honest he should really be, but as he looked around at Amilyn and all the other faces in the group (even Poe), he thought fuck it. “I was able to finally stop running and face my own past. And to start letting go of that past. It wasn’t easy. It was really fucking hard, actually. But I think it was worth it. I know I still have some stuff I need to sort out, but I feel like I’m on the right track.”

“Thank you, Kylo,” said Amilyn, shifting her eyes from him to Hux. “Do you have anything you want to share with us, Armitage?”

“To be honest, everything has changed,” Hux began. Kylo looked at him. Hux was looking at the floor and Kylo could easily see that he was nervous. “This isn’t easy for me to talk about, because I struggled with a lot of things that don’t truly belong in this group. Even so, I have learned a lot - the most important being how to put myself first and standing up for myself. If I hadn’t come here, I would still be stuck in a pretty miserable life situation.”

That’s the understatement of the century.

There was a whole lot Hux didn’t say, but he said enough. The group moved on, and Hux let out a sigh of relief. He looked up at Kylo, who smiled reassuringly back at him.

When everyone in the group had shared something, Amilyn spoke up again.

“Like I said at the beginning, this is our final session. When I look at you all now, I see ten different people from what I did in our first session. You have all worked very hard and made some incredible changes. It’s not easy to admit to having an anger problem. It’s even harder to try to change it. You have all had to retrain your brains, connect with feelings you weren't used to, and tackle situations you weren't comfortable with. But you did it, and you should be proud of what you’ve accomplished.”

She stepped into the middle of the circle and continued, “But you mustn’t forget that your anger management work continues when we say goodbye today. Remember everything we’ve talked about and everything we’ve practiced. Continue to use it in your daily lives.”

Amilyn calmly folded her hands in front of her. “I know it can be difficult when therapy ends. Your safety net, so to speak, suddenly isn't there anymore. This is why I urge you to stay in contact with your partners, so that you can continue to support each other.” She shot a quick glance in Kylo and Hux’s direction at those words. Everyone in the room knew that wouldn't be a problem for them. “But also, I don’t want to simply send you on your merry way and cut all contact. If need be, I will be here, and you’re welcome to come back at any time.”

With those words, Amilyn ended their final anger management session. Kylo and Hux were the first ones to get up and leave, but Amilyn made sure to shake both their hands before they did.

“The very last session,” said Kylo thoughtfully, as he and Hux walked down the corridor, aiming for the front door. “Can you believe it?”

“It’s strange,” answered Hux.

Kylo pushed the heavy door open, ducking as he went through it, and immediately outside he was met by a cascade of flashing lights. He had to cover his eyes to not be blinded. It was impossible to see what was behind all the flashes, but Kylo knew. He had seen this hundreds of times before.

Paparazzi.

They were calling out to him, and they all seemed to be focused on one thing only: Hux. Kylo turned and found Hux standing right behind him, halfway through the door, his mouth slightly agape, seemingly stunned by all the paparazzi. Kylo’s first instinct was to protect him, to push him back into the building and close the door. But then his eyes were drawn to something behind Hux, to someone standing further back in the corridor. Poe was standing there, and he had a smirk spread across his face.

He had done it. He had fucking done what he threatened to do in the first session. He had tipped off the god damn paparazzi, telling them where Kylo was.

At first, Kylo felt a surge of anger, but then he got an idea. He could walk back into the building and try to find a backdoor out of there, and by that having both Poe and the paparazzi win. Or he could take control of the situation and face them together with Hux. They were eventually going to find them together anyway.

“Do you wanna give them something to photograph?” Kylo asked Hux, looking determined, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Hux seemed confused at first, still in shock at the wall of paparazzi in front of them. But then he understood what Kylo was asking, and he nodded confidently, not even a speck of doubt showing in his eyes.

Kylo grabbed Hux’s hand and helped him out the door. Before the heavy piece of wood slammed shut behind them, Kylo threw a grin in Poe’s direction, and he could clearly see how his smirk disappeared as he realised his plan had failed.

In front of all the paparazzi calling to the them, Kylo kept his eyes on Hux only as he pulled him towards him and kissed him, the flashing lights raining down on them.