Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hannah and Beth Washington, two bright young girls with a long happy life ahead of them, just… gone.

All because of some stupid prank that Josh was too drunk to stop from happening. If he was able to, he would go back to that night and hug his sister's as tight as he could, and stop that god awful prank from even being thought of.

It was no secret that Josh blamed himself. He wasn't even involved, yet he still knew if he had been conscious, Hannah and Beth would still be alive.

He never really got over their deaths. He said he had, but obviously that wasn't the case.

The only person who knew how not okay Josh was, was Sam. She understood him better than anyone else did.

Though there were still some things Josh kept bottled up, one of which being his revenge plan.

Josh's therapist was the only person he’d told it to. who, of course, told him not to go through with it.

But, instead of actually listening to his therapist, Josh decided to put his idea into action in an attempt to put everything behind him and get a few laughs in the process.

But something went wrong along the way, so very, very wrong.

It was only supposed to be a simple revenge, a prank, nothing was meant to be deadly.

He didn't mean for this to happen.

He didn't mean for this to end in him getting pulled out of the mines, bloody and scared. all of his friends dead, killed in utterly gruesome ways.

He just wanted for them to feel how his sisters felt. Not for them to end up with the same fate, missing and dead.

Just like his sister's.

Only some of the bodies were found, Beth's included.

Matt, Jess, and Emily’s bodies were still missing.

Sam, Mike, Chris, and Ash were found.

Chris and Ashley were both decapitated.

Sam and Mike had still been in the lodge during the explosion.

All the people in Josh's life he cared about the most were either dead, missing, or hardly even acknowledged his existence.

He didn't want to deal with the grief anymore.

He couldn't.

Josh tried, he honest to god did.

He tried to ignore the voices of his dead friends and sisters, constantly yelling at him,

Why didn't you save us, Josh?

Why did you let us die?

You killed us, Josh.

How could you?

Weren't we friends?

Didn't we mean anything to you?

Josh couldn't tune them out. It was easier to ignore when it was just Hannah and Beth, but now all his best friends were thrown in the mix.

It was agonizing.

Their pained voices echoed through his mind all day every day.

He knew it wasn't real. They weren't really there, but they sounded exactly like they had when they were alive.

Josh missed his friends. He missed his sister's. He missed them so, so much.

It was unbearable.

He just wanted them back.

Back and with him, hanging out like they used to.

But, obviously, that could never happen.

They were gone.

Josh couldn't even close his eyes without seeing their faces.

Opening them wasn't much different.

Even if they weren't real, he could still hear and see them.

He felt like he was losing his mind. Hell, he already had.

He hated being alone. He always had. But before, he had Hannah and Beth. Then when they went missing, he had his friends. Now it was just him.

Just him alone with his thoughts.

With the visions of friends who weren't there.

With the voices.

The voices of his friends who were never coming back.

Josh could only deal with the grief, the voices, the hallucinations, and the pain for so long.

He just wanted it all to stop.

It was all just too much.

The note Josh had written was rushed and almost incoherent. He didn't know how to put into words what he was feeling, he just had to get it out.

The paper was wet in spots, obviously from Josh's crying.

His note was crumpled up in his pocket, right next to where his arm hung at his side, slightly swaying along with the rest of his body.

The last thing Josh could see was his friends and sisters who weren't even with him.

Who weren't even alive.

Then Josh was gone, like his sister's, and like his best friends.