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Chapter Text

I hear the first chords of my barre stretch music and turn down the lights in the studio.

Adjusting my headset, my voice drops to a soothing purr as I say, “place your right foot on the barre, standing foot under the hip, and grab onto your band.”  I love it when they dutifully obey, lining up like happy little ducklings all in a row, waiting with wide eyes for the next direction. I’m in control here and never feel more powerful than when I’m teaching.

I raise my leg to the barre to demonstrate the pose and cue them to  “inhale to lengthen your spine, exhale and draw your heart forward to reach your deepest neutral spine hamstring stretch.”  It’s a perfect moment of peace, and I smile and savor it.  Another class successfully delivered, my choreography and delivery seamless in perfect balance.

Until it all falls apart. 

Suddenly, an earth-shaking bass beat blasts through the wall behind the mirror and the barre rattles.  I frown. My little nirvana is shattered once again by the bastards next door.

With a huff, I walk back to the iPad in the corner to crank up my playlist.  But it’s no use. I have to nearly yell out the cues to be heard over the incessant thrumming, and the vibe is lost.  A few of my students whisper in the corner.  

I’m going to kill those Alphas next door.  

We thought another fitness choice nearby would be a good thing.  My studio owners even said, “a high tide raises all boats,” and that maybe we’d get some new clients.  But that was before we saw who moved in.

Supremacy Bootcamp is the worst.  They’ve been nothing but trouble from the start.

First it was the incessant banging of construction, then the electricity went out for two days when they cut a line accidentally and we had to shut down.  Now, it’s the music blaring through our shared wall, interrupting our classes.  

Today is the final straw.

After my students leave, I wipe down the thick yoga mats and clean the mirrors, replacing the weights and exercise bands to leave my studio in perfect shape.

Toweling off my face, I take a swig of cold water from my S’well bottle and walk up to the mirror.  I’m wearing my favorite “Rebel Belle Barre” white muscle tank, cropped with the sides cut out to show off my hot pink bralette.  I fix a flyaway from my high bun and reset my headband, then pull up my black moto leggings to even out the mesh side slits that show off my calves.  There, ready.  I grab my bag from the back office and dab on some lip gloss before slipping off my sticky socks and stepping into my Birkenstock sandals.  

Those bootcamp bastards have ruined the last of my classes.  Time to show them who they’re dealing with.

+++++

I walk up confidently to the front door of Supremacy Boot Camp and stiffen my spine before reaching out to grab the door handle.  As I pull the door open, a gust of cool air blows across my face and I shudder.  A wave of Alpha male pheromones hits me head on, and I hold my breath and blink as my eyes begin to water.

Letting go of the handle abruptly, I take a few steps back and fumble in my bag.  My essential oils are at the bottom and my hands shake as I find my blocker and rub it on both wrists, the pulse points on my neck, and under my nostrils for good measure.

With a deep inhale, the lightheaded, buzzing feeling stops.  I lick my lips and reach in for a lozenge of lemongrass, turmeric and cinnamon, to ward off the pheromones trying to cling to the top of my mouth.  When it comes to pheromone control, I hate western medicine and big pharma. They’re only in it for the money and pollute our bodies concoctions full of preservatives and fillers.  I rely on teas, oils, acupuncture, meditation and whatever other organic and non-traditional methods I can find to keep my cycles in check. Omegas and Alphas have been living in civilizations for thousands of years and functioning just fine, thank you, we don’t need to take prescription drugs to manage ourselves.  You’re never gonna pump me full of poison.

I take another sip of water then steel myself.  Just breathe, Rey.  I say my mantra for control.

Emotion, yet peace.

Passion, yet serenity.

Chaos, yet harmony.

Now I’m prepared, it’s time to go into the nest of my enemy.

My ears are immediately assaulted by a steady drumbeat of mindless techno music.  It’s dark, and my eyes struggle to adjust from the bright sunlight to the red-amber lights inside.  Everything is black and silver, with red-accents and lighting. How extremely macho.

I can make out huge guys and ripped women climbing up ropes in the center of the room, pushing tractor wheels across the floor, and doing burpees with appalling form.  They’re going to throw out their backs at equal rate of building muscle looking like that. I shake my head in disgust. In barre, we often have to help students injured by places like this.

I turn and see a front desk to my left and a platinum blonde woman sitting with her back to the door staring at a computer screen.

“Excuse me,” I say clearly.  She doesn’t move. The music nearly rattles my teeth.

Another step forward.  “Excuse me!” Again no response.  She can’t hear me over the din.

I finally walk around the edge of the desk and tap her on the shoulder.  She turns and stands up . . . and up . . . and up. She’s well over six feet tall, the tallest woman I’ve ever seen.  I gulp. She smirks down at me, her eyes cold. Her name tag reads, “Phasma.”

My voice comes out loudly, but in a high pitch.  “Excuse me, is there a manager or owner I could talk to?” 

Phasma nods and bellows out, “Hux!  Someone wants to talk to you.”

I turn to where she’s looking.  A red-haired guy wearing a sleeveless tank and tight black leggings strides up to me, also well over six feet.  I’m tall for a woman, but everyone here makes me feel tiny.

“Yeah, what is it?”  He has a snide grin on his face, and I can almost feel his slimy eyes sliding down my body.  He licks his lips, and I grimace. Thank God my blockers are working, because just looking at him makes me feel sick.  I can’t imagine his revolting smell.

“I work next door, at Rebel Belle Barre?  And your music is so loud it is disturbing my classes?  Think you could turn it down?” Each sentence lilts up as I struggle to be heard.  I hate how it makes me sound insecure instead of just polite.

“Yeah, well, we need the music to be loud.  It pumps us up.” Hux hits one fist into his other palm and sets his chin as he stares down at me.  His look tells me he isn’t going to budge.

Well, if that’s the way you’re going to be, buddy.

“We’re happy that you moved in, and we’d like to have a friendly relationship with . . .” I have to gulp so I don’t choke on the words, “Supremacy Boot Camp, but you’re making it terribly difficult if our students can’t hear us!”

Hux turns to look away dismissively, “Maybe you barre girls should just turn your own music up?  Or maybe choose better music?  Have you thought of that?”  

Oh no, he didn’t.  Do not insult my music.  Not when his sounds like a cheesy Euro discotech from 1980.  

I frown and take a step closer.  “Listen, we’ve been here for three years and you just opened this week!  You can choose to be assholes, or you can be neighborly, but either way– ”

Hux takes a big inhale like he’s going to raise his voice, but instead his eyes slide halfway closed and his mouth parts.  Oh, shit.  He smelled me.  I should’ve showered after class, the sweat mixed with my pheromones make a potent cocktail. 

“An Omega.  Damn, I haven’t smelled a fresh Omega in months.  You’re delicious, honey,” he takes a step closer as I almost jerk back, his sour acrid smell overpowering the blockers.

“Yeah, well you smell disgusting, so you can just–”

I pause as a tall shadow steps out of the darkness and materializes behind Hux.  The guy’s not only taller than Hux, he’s thicker in every sense of the word, as if magnified by two.

I see wide shoulders first and his cut arms bulging out of a grey t-shirt stretched over a massive chest.  The guy clearly works out, duh. His pectoral muscles press against the fabric as if they’re trying to rip free, like the Hulk mid-transformation.  Most tall guys have skinny legs, but his thighs and calves are solid like the rest of him, as if they’ve doubled their efforts to support all that weight. He’s one huge, juicy package and all Alpha male.  

His shaggy raven hair is pulled half-up and away from high cheekbones and a distinguished face.  He has scruffy facial hair, just the way I like it, and the proportions seem slightly off on his features, which only makes him more striking and unusual.  But it’s his sad, warm-brown eyes that hold me, intelligent but with something slightly dangerous lurking underneath.  

“What seems to be the problem?” Mr. Dark Eyes asks me.  I’m nearly panting in frustration from Hux, but when he tracks those dark pools over my face, I feel an instant heat react in another place entirely. 

“Maybe if you turned your bloody music down I could tell you!” I bark out, irate at Hux and that this guy has me riled up just looking at me.  

His dark eyes grow wide.  He turns to Phasma, yelling, “Can you turn it down?”

The blonde grins over at us, obviously delighting in the drama, and walks over to lower the music.

Mr. Dark Eyes turns back to me, clearly the top Alpha, and extends a hand.  “Ben Solo.  I’m the owner.”

I exhale sharply.  Of course he is. I eye his hand like it’s a trick.  But ultimately, I decide to be the bigger person and reach out for him.  “Rey Jakkobsen, I work at Rebel Belle next door.”

The moment our hands connect I feel a strange electric surge through my body.  I flinch and see his eyes blink as he clutches my palm tighter. The shock courses through me and lands straight in my lap.  I withdraw my hand quickly and wipe my palms together, as if I can remove whatever it was that happened.

Solo looks at me intently and sets his jaw.  I don’t know what happened, but I know instantly it can’t be good.  I take a step back, slightly fearful, eyeing the exits. But then I get a grip and remember why I’m here.  I’m not going to leave empty-handed. I lift my chin to him.

“Your music is disturbing our classes.  It leaks through the wall.” I point at our shared wall, where they’ve set up the speakers.  “We need you to keep it a reasonable level.”

He’s staring at me like I’m an exotic zoo animal or something.  The hair on the back of my neck stands up.

“We can do that.  Hux, set up the speakers on the opposite wall, that should help.”

Hux sneers.  “Yeah, sure, since they’re such delicate little flowers over there.  I’m always happy to help an Omega in need.” He laughs as if he’s funny.  Solo’s look darkens.

I seethe.  Ever since I presented, I hate anyone defining me by designation.  I’ve spent my entire life fighting against the Omega stereotypes and proving fuckers like Hux wrong.

“Delicate?  Have you taken a barre class?  Guys like you are shaking five minutes in.”  I set my jaw and narrow my eyes, pulling all of my five foot seven inches up tall to meet their towering frames.  Why is everyone who works here a walking tree?!

Solo chuckles and shakes his head slightly, as if he thinks I’m being cute.  

“You too, big guy, I could make you beg for mercy in under ten minutes.” I say.  That shuts him up as he stares at me again, evidently surprised that I dare talk back to him.

Emboldened, I have the deep desire to show these fucking guys who’s the real boss.  Let them get owned by an Omega for once in their Alpha lives.

“You guys think you’re so strong?  Why don’t we make a bet. Whoever can plank the longest wins.  If I go longest, you come take one of my barre classes. If you win, I’ll come to a boot camp session.”

Hux laughs and shakes his head.  “Nah, I’m good.”

“What, are you scared?  Of an Omega?” I grin at Hux and he scowls.

But Solo looks me straight in the eye and says, “You’re on.”

My nerves tingle as we walk over to the mirrored wall and face each other.  I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing, but I know I want to win. “What kind of plank?” Solo asks.  “Lady’s choice.”

“Low forearm,” I answer.  It’s harder. I want to see him sweat.

Phasma gets her stopwatch out and counts us down.  Three, two, one . . .

I push my forearms into the floor, suck up my abdominal wall, and hit my plank.  My abs are my secret weapon. Solo has shoulder and arm strength, but his hip flexors are tight like all beefy guys, so I bet he’s not using his hamstrings and glutes to help hold him up.  His low back will be singing soon enough if he doesn’t use his abdominals correctly.  

I turn my head to see my form in the mirror.  One long line from head to toe. I see his ass start to bow up, trying to make it easier, and I call out, “If you cheat, I win.  Hips in line with shoulders.” He lowers back down with a grunt.

He pushes his fists into the floor, but I press my palms down to get extra support from my forearms.  I slightly tip my hips to my ribs to use my obliques and squeeze my seat. Proper form distributes the work between muscle groups.  Piece of cake.

Two minutes go by and neither of us falter, but it’s heating up.

I’m looking down at the floor when I hear his low, husky voice and peek up at him, a couple of feet away.  “We can call a draw whenever you want, Sweetheart.” He gives me a cocky grin.

“No way.  I’m not letting you off the hook.”  I grin back at him. I don’t break eye contact, knowing that’s a sign of weakness to an Alpha.  I’m anything but weak.

He keeps right on staring.  “You really think you’re going to win?”

I smile.  “I don’t think, I know.”  Then I get a wicked thought.

I start to move, twisting at the waist.  Alternating dipping down one hip point at a time and then resetting.  It’s a typical barre move and helps distract the brain from the static hold.  But it also means my ass is moving rhythmically side to side as I twist, so it’s also distracting the brain of Alpha Ben Solo.

“What’re you doing?” he gazes over my shoulder, mesmerized.  A drop of sweat rolls down his forehead.

“We never said we had to stay still,” I say innocently, and keep up the movement.  

I’m playing a little dirty, but can’t help smile at the way he’s staring.  His arms start to shake and he exhales, blowing some of his pheromones my way.  The heat in my abdominals is nothing compared to the heat that goes straight to my core.  His dark eyes melt into me and I start to move faster trying to ward off the clench between my thighs.  I add in an extra wiggle to my hip twists and see the muscle under his left eye twitch.

At four minutes flat, Solo collapses onto the mat and rols onto his back as the group of Alphas around us howl in laughter.  Instead of lowering down, I show off by raising my hips high to the sky, stretching into dolphin pose before planting my palms to stretch into a downdog.  I shake my ass a little to gloat and take small steps forward to finish by rolling up one vertebra at a time to standing as the rowdy bootcamp guys hoot and clap.  

I bow my head to acknowledge the applause.  Solo smiles and pants while shaking his head on the mat.  His eyes haven’t left me.  

Scooping up my bag, I turn to leave while ignoring the ribbing they’re giving him on the floor.  As I grab the door handle, I turn back to meet his dark eyes one last time. “Thanks for fixing your music, neighbor.  See you in barre class Thursday at 9:30 am, Solo.”  I walk away before he has time to respond.

It’s not until I get into the safety of my own car that I pull out my right hand and inspect it. Looks normal, nothing to explain the shock.  I wait for my breath to slow down and my hand to stop shaking before pulling out of the lot and driving home.

Chapter Text

I pull into the parking lot just before nine on Thursday.  Instructors are supposed to arrive fifteen minutes before class to set up the studio, but I always give myself more time than that.  I’m a stickler for rules and like to be prepared. 

Slinging my bag on my shoulder, I grab my large coffee and S’well bottle.  I look casually over at the Supremacy’s side of the lot. There’s a few trucks and SUVs parked already.  Maybe one of them belongs to Solo.

I begin to lift my sunglasses to my forehead, but then flinch and put them back down.  My eyes are overly-sensitive today, for some reason. Maybe I’m coming down with something.  I eat clean, drink plenty of water, and only take herbal and organic supplements, so I’m super-attuned to my body.  I’ve been sleepier and extra thirsty this week, signs that something is off. I should make an appointment with my alternative medicine practitioner, just in case.

Once I’ve set-up my studio to my liking and cued up my playlist, I roll out my tight muscles on a foam roller and climb up the ladder to the stall barre.  It feels great to just hang and let my feet dangle off the floor, stretching out my spine and releasing the tension. I’m loose and relaxed as I walk to the front desk to prepare new student forms.

Just in case Ben Solo is brave enough to show his smirking face.

It’s five minutes before class start, and I’ve almost given up hope when I see a shaggy dark head duck in the front door.  Solo stands a good foot taller than most of the women in the waiting area, and his eyes dart around the room. He crosses his arms and puffs up in his grey t-shirt and loose shorts.  It’s kind of cute to see an Alpha male so skittish around the mostly beta women.  

He catches my eyes and walks over to me.  Leaning an elbow on the tall front desk, he hangs over me with his stupidly big shoulder.  He’s even taller than I remember. In the bright white light I can see flecks of gold and green in his sad eyes.

“Hey,” he tries for casual, but I can tell he’s a little nervous.  

Don’t worry, Alpha, I’m going to take care of you.  Heh heh. The thought just pops in my head.

“Hi,” I say brightly.  “You showed up. I was wondering if you’d welch.”

He licks his lips, trying to swallow his smile.  “A bet’s a bet. Let’s do this.”

I hand him over a clipboard with the forms.  “You need to sign this waiver and the new student form.  Any injuries I need to know about? Modifications you may need?”

He starts writing in exact, clear print.  “I broke my collarbone in the Marines. Went to therapy for a related shoulder injury.  Still some residual weakness in my right shoulder.”

I nod at the top of his head.  Even through my blockers, I get a whiff of his scent.  It’s a combination of warm smoke and apple pie spice. Pure Alpha.  Nice.

He hands me the forms, and I walk around to look at his feet.  They’re every bit as large as the rest of him.  

“You can wear your regular socks in class.  I don’t think we sell any sticky socks in your size.”

He pulls up the corner of his mouth.  His eyes sizzle. “So you can’t handle my size, huh?”

Matching his smile, I shift my weight forward to the balls of my toes, leaning forward to show him I’m not intimidated.  “Oh, I can handle you. I’ll just have to cut you down to size.”

A grin busts out on his face, and he follows me into the studio.  I set him up in the front row right next to me. Some of the younger girls whisper and giggle, picking up on his Alpha energy.  He gives friendly nods to the students around him and clenches and unclenches his fists.  

I reach up for a large blue ball from the rack and hand it to him.  “Keep this close. You’re going to want it for a few exercises.” He lifts an eyebrow to me, questioning.  “Since you have some extra equipment the other students don’t have,” I explain, not quietly.

A flush rises onto his cheeks.  Alpha Solo is blushing! This is going to be fun.   

__________

I have to give him credit.  He tries so, so hard.  

We’ve done date night classes before, but seeing a huge guy marching like an elephant at the start of class never gets old.  When I add in arm swings he almost falls over. I find his eyes in the mirror and cue to him specifically, guiding him along.  He takes direction, even if he can barely lift his knees up to his hips, and he looks to me like I’m his savior. It’s actually quite endearing.

Almost all my students are regulars, so they move though positions and exercises like pros.  That means I get to spend extra attention on Solo.

As he takes his first full plank of class, I swoop in.

I kick over a leg and stand straddling his waist as he holds his high plank.  I touch him as I call out the alignment to the rest of the class, using my hands on his body as a model to cue everyone through the headset.  

“Lift your hips even with your shoulders.  Hug your abdominal wall long and up to your spine.”  He grunts softly as my hands touch his hips and I lift up. 

“Squeeze your seat and press the backs of your thighs up.”  I look down to see his firm ass lift while I hold his hip points steady. 

“Breathe up your ribs to the ceiling, integrating your shoulder blades into your back.”  My hands slip up to his ribs and I press my fingertips up to guide him. He feels like he’s made of steel, dense and solid, but hot under my touch.  I feel his muscles twitch under my hands.

Finally I step around and place my hands on the back of his head, fingers reaching gently  around his ears to support his neck. “Tilt your chin down and lift the back of your ears to maintain cervical alignment.”  

I step back and take in my handiwork.  He’s holding the position I just put him in, legs already slightly trembling, the thick ropes of his arms flexing as his brow furrows with concentration.  He’s the perfect Alpha specimen, so docile under my touch.

I can’t help myself, the power over him is just too irresistible.  I bend down to one knee and move the headset away from my mouth to whisper in his ear, “Good boy, you’re doing so well.”

His eyes flicker up at my praise.  I give him a cocky smile as his lips part before he looks down again.  I’m almost drunk on my power, this must be what it feels like for an Alpha.  I hear groans from around the room and take pity on the class, leading them up to downdog for a stretch and then over to the barre.

Solo gives it his all in every exercise.  He’s super strong, so arm work isn’t much of a problem with five pound weights.  Of course he’s not used to the micromovements and high reps of barre, so I still get him shaking by the final hold as his muscles reach fatigue.  

But I really get him in thigh work.  

Bootcamp style of exercise uses sprints, quick bursts of energy and momentum.  Barre is all about control, tiny movements, repeated often in alignment to get that solid burn and build strength.  Solo in barre class is like watching a jet airplane trying to alight on a flower like a butterfly. It’s delicious. 

Poor thing, he’s about as flexible as a piece of wood.  Turned out positions are hard. He handles squats much better. 

We finish in neutral spine chair.  I demonstrate the set-up right next to him so he can follow me, handing him the big blue ball.  “Place this between your thighs,” I command. He does what I ask, too tired and focused to smirk. 

I set up the class.  “Arms wider than shoulders, kiss your hips up to the barre then sit down like you’re in a high-back chair.  Knees ninety degrees over ankles, back straight.”

I pull out of position to stand behind him.  His eyes track me in the mirror. His light grey shirt is turning dark from sweat, and a strand of hair has fallen from his half-up knot over an eye.  I step closer and put my hands on his shoulders to draw them back.

“Keep your back straight, neutral spine.  Pull in on your pelvic floor and squeeze your thighs in on your ball.”

I turn my hip to press my side against his back for support.  Then I wrap my hands around his hips and draw them back to me to take away his tucked pelvis.  “Keep your lumbar curve by spreading sitz bones wide.” It’s harder this way, no cheating Solo.

My hands are still on his hips from where I’ve leaned over him and I pull back up to standing.  As I do, my cheek brushes against the back of his shoulder just below his neck. I hear him growl and immediately realize my mistake.

I touched his mating gland, right there in class.  Brushed right against it with my sweaty cheek. So careless and inappropriate, this has never happened to me before.  Holy Shit, I can’t believe I did that! 

I feel him vibrate under my hands and release contact instantly.  The sound he makes and the change in his scent sends a flash of heat to my core, and I feel my pussy squeeze in and arousal soak my thong.  Shit, shit!  Thank goodness I’m wearing black leggings, I can pass it off as sweat.

But he knows.  He picks up my scent instantly, and he’s staring me down in the mirror, legs trembling as he tries to stay in position.  His pheromones are kicking up and they’re sending mine into hyperdrive. We’re going to go into a scent gland downward spiral until we’re fucking on a yoga mat if I don’t get away from him.

I walk to the back corner of the room and switch the lights to low with trembling fingers.  My right hand aches, deep in my palm. I switch the music to mat stretch and cue them to kneel down.  Talking through the stretches, I grab my blocker oils from my bag and quickly re-apply, desperate to right this sinking ship.

No other Omegas or Alphas in the room, they’re all Betas today thank goodness, so no one seems to have noticed the potent cocktail in the room.  I stay on the far side of the room away from him for the rest of class and try not to meet his eyes in the mirror.

After final stretch and the last meditation, everyone gets up slowly to leave but him.  Solo’s still sprawled out, eyes closed and arms prone in his savasana, as I walk up.

He opens his eyes and gazes up at me as I cross my arms, chastened.  

“I am so, so sorry that happened.  I should’ve been more careful. I’m a professional, and I’m just mortified–”

“Go out with me,” he says, laying perfectly still, dark eyes glistening.

“What?”  I blink down at him.  I must’ve misunderstood.

“A date.  Let’s go out.  Eat or something.”  His dark eyes scorch me with their heat.

I’m taken aback.  “I–I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  I turn away and walk back to my music as I hear him stand up.

“Our bodies think it’s an excellent idea,” he says with a low rumble, walking up behind me.

I don’t turn.  I nibble my lip as I scroll through songs, not reading the names.  “Bodies lie. My body told me to fuck the postman when I had my first heat at sixteen.”

He huffs.  “You think your body is lying to you right now?”

I brace myself and turn around.  His hands are on his hips and eyebrows raised as he waits for me to answer his question.  Solo’s scent still hasn’t come down from it’s high and it’s pulling me in closer like a rope.  I have the urge to push my palms against his pecs to see if they give and nuzzle right into his neck.  I want to feel his hot sweat under my cheek as I lick a long, thick stripe up to his ear. He’s salty and spicy, I can just taste him on the roof of my mouth.  

I shake my head.  No.  No Alphas.  I swore, never an Alpha.

I grit my teeth.  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I touched you inappropriately, or if I gave you the wrong idea.”  I can fight this, I’m strong. “But I’m not available.”

He looks at me, a gentle smile on his lips.  “Which is it, Rey? This isn’t a good idea or you’re not available?”  

I take a sip of water to wash the taste of him out of my mouth.  “Both.”

He gives a little shake of his head and then looks down, his smile fading at the rejection.  “Okay.”  

Walking back to his mat, he leans down to grab his water bottle.  “Thanks for the class, it was awesome. You did kick my ass.” He turns back to me.  “Change can be good.”

I give him a half smile, relieved he’s not being an asshole.  I don’t know what else to say. This can’t go anywhere, but I don’t want him to leave yet for some reason.

He thinks for a moment and says, “Maybe you, or somebody from your studio, could come over and teach a class to my bunch.  We could use some more stretching and flexibility.”   

“Yeah, I’ll mention something to Amilyn.  Maybe a crossover event.” I shift my legs and feel the sticky wetness still pooling there.  The wetness from him. He must still be able to smell it.

“Okay, Rey, see you around.”  He shoots me a last look, half hungry and half wounded, and walks out the door.

I exhale when I hear the front door slam shut and walk up to his sweaty mat to put it on top of the pile to clean.

I look around, but the studio is empty.  No one’s left to see. I lift up the mat and take a deep whiff, then shudder with pleasure as another gush of fluid drenches my thong and my right hand aches.  

Shit, this is gonna be bad. 

Chapter Text

I wake up Friday morning feeling like I have the worst hangover of my life, but I didn’t have a drop to drink last night.  My head aches, and I have to squint at the bright light pouring in my bedroom. It’s my day off from the studio, and I don’t have any of my master’s classes on Fridays, so I usually do errands.  Instead, I chug a full bottle of water and pull the covers over my head to sleep in until eleven.

I call my holistic practitioner Maz and beg her to see me today.  She tells me she’s booked but I can come in during her lunch break.  I adore her, she’s been so good to me and always makes time when I need her.

I put on my sunglasses and a ball cap for good measure, and throw on a sweatshirt over my yoga pants even though I have the chills.  When I get to her office, Maz walks out to waiting area to greet me. She’s a tiny little thing, her wizened face tan and deeply etched, her grey, wispy hair drawn up in a bun.  She waves me straight back to an exam room, patting my back gently. “Oh, ma chere, you look like hell,” she clucks over my shoulder.

She sits me down and pulls the shades to darken the room before removing my sunglasses to inspect me.  She puts her sweet little round face close to mine, her coke-bottle glasses right at the tip of my nose.  “Oooh, how long has this been going on?”

I blink and squint at her.  “Um, since yesterday, I guess?  I started feeling sick and it got worse overnight.”

“Hmmm.”  She turns from me and starts opening cabinets and drawers.  “I have just the mix for this, I think.”

She pulls out little bottles and vials with different herbs, grinding them in a mortar and pestle.  “So what started this one, huh? Meet any new friends lately?”

I look down at my shoes and hug myself.  I tell Maz everything, but it doesn’t mean I have to feel happy about it.  It’s embarrassing.

“There’s a new bootcamp next door, rife with Alphas.  The top dog came to take my class.”

“Uh huh,” she says, grinding the herbs with her back to me.  “And then what happened?”

Maz can see through my bullshit like nobody else.  Must be her glasses.

“And . . . I sorta rubbed his mating gland?  On accident?”

With that she stops and stands up straight, then turns to look over her shoulder at me.  Her mouth makes a perfect little “O” shape and her eyes get a little wider. “On accident?”

I nod.  

She turns back and measures out some of the herbs into a mug, then walks over to her instahot to pour out boiling water.  “That must’ve been one hell of a class.” She fills the mug and stirs while walking it back to me.

I fidget when she hands me the mug.  “Drink this. Sip it, it’s strong. But it will bring you down.”

I trust Maz with my life.  When I first met her, right out of high school, I was a hot mess of hormones.  I had terrible acne and mood swings, either crying jags or aggression for weeks.  The prescription drugs Western medicine gave me made it much, much worse.  She brought me back in balance, taught me to listen to my body, and that I could control what was happening to me.  She just about saved my life, in my estimation.

I sip the tea as she watches.  “And what else happened, ma chere?  Anything unusual?”

I consider.  It’s pretty unusual for me to sniff sweaty yoga mats, but that seems more like a personal choice or kink issue.  But there was the thing with my hand and the strange ache.

Her eyes light up when I tell her what happened at the Supremacy and the handshake, eyebrows lifting above the rim of her glasses.  “A shock?”

“Yeah, sort of.  I don’t know, like a current?  I shook his hand-”

“The top Alpha, not the ginger ass?” she asks.

I nod, “Yup, Solo, the boss.  I touched his hand and it was just this jolt.  It went straight through me, but nothing looked any different.”

I hold it out my hand for her to inspect.  She turns it over in her tiny, wrinkled palms, and I smile at how precious she is.  I’m already starting to feel better from the tea.

“Hmm, can’t see anything.  It hurts?”

I shake my head.  “Not really, just aches a little sometimes.”

“You may want acupuncture if it keeps up.”  She puts my hand down gently. “Well, love, you know something is going on with you and this Alpha, yes?”

I scowl and bite my lip.  “My body seems to think so.”

“Bodies don’t lie.  We may not like what they tell us, and we don’t always have to listen, but they don’t lie.  They tell us what we need to know.” She smiles at me with her wise eyes.

I nod.  My body and I have a love-hate relationship right now.  Not sure I want it’s opinion.

She packs up the herbs she’s made into some paper packets for me.  “I want you to take this tea twice a day for a week. Do you still have your other regimen?”

I nod.  “Yes, I have my morning and night teas, plus the lozenges and the blocker oils.”

“Good.  I want you to keep those up, but do the blockers twice as often.  We have to reset you because you’ve been thrown off your cycle. When was your last half-heat?”

I check my cycle timing app on my phone to be sure.  “A week ago.”

One way Maz has really helped me is her rhythm method for heat cycles.  It’s an ancient traditional medicine trick handed down through midwives.  No hard heats, just a few days a month of soft heats with a half-heat day spaced in-between cycles.  It equals out to being almost the same total days of heat overall, but it's far more manageable and you can handle it alone.  An added bonus is that prevents both acne and pregnancy by evening out the hormones. Score.

(Leave it to the wise Omega earth mamas to figure out how to take care of their own.  Maz says Alphas have been trying to wipe out this information for generations to keep their grip on power.  “Ever heard of what happened to the witches in Salem?” she had said with a twinkle in her eye.  Maz knows everything.)

“Okay, Rey, you need to do another half-heat this Sunday.  Just to regulate the pheromones.  Can you do that with the trigger tea?”

I check my teaching schedule.  “Yeah, I’m off so that works.”

“Good.”  Maz hands me over the packets.  “Drink plenty of water and rest.  Treat it like the flu.”

I slide down off the table and give her a grateful hug.  She whispers in my ear, “And be very careful around Mr. Solo unless you’re absolutely certain.”

I don’t ask her to explain what she means by certain.

____________

By Saturday morning, after resting and taking Maz’s tea, I feel good enough to take class.  

I rotate in teaching on Saturdays and this was my day off.  So instead of teaching I signed up for my friend Rose’s spin class, and I didn’t want to skip it.

I walked into my studio with my cycle shoes in hand.  Rose was standing next to her boyfriend, Finn. I love them, they’re both Betas and totally devoted to each other.  Finn was standing near a curly-haired guy. He was kinda hot.

“Reylita!”  Rose calls out and gives me a huge grin as she runs over with a hug.  Her dark hair is pulled up in a pony with cute little side wisps curling out.  She’s petite and fit, and her pretty face matches her adorable personality perfectly.  But don’t doubt it, she’s an absolute firecracker on the bike, her legs moving faster than the naked eye can see.  Her spunky spirit is the perfect match for her killer classes.

“Hi, Rosie!” I smile at her and our pet names for each other.  We were in the same training class at Rebel Belle so our bond is tight.  

“Hi, Peanut” Finn nods to me with a mock “cool guy” attitude.  

I nod back, equally fake-cool.  “Hey, Peanut.” The three of us watched the “Schmoopy” episode of Seinfeld one day and somehow Finn and I ended up with this weird inside joke.  I don’t even remember how anymore.

“Rey, this is my friend Poe Dameron,” Finn says.  “We went to school together. This is his first spin class.”

“Nice to meet you,” I say and shake his hand.  Through my blockers I get a faint whiff, like a touch of grapefruit.  Ugh, he’s an Alpha, too.

Maybe he smells me also, because he gives my hand a subtle extra squeeze and his smile sinks in.  “Likewise.”

We all pick our bikes and the class is packed full at twenty students.  Rose rides us hard, the music pumping in the dark room, and I notice with some satisfaction that the boys are huffing and puffing and sweating up a storm.  It’s challenging, for sure, but this is what Rose and I do. We make it look easy.

“1-2, 1-2, this is what we do!” Rose yells out, and I holler in response.  

After class, they invite me out to brunch.  I’m tempted, but I have some work to do for my master’s level physical therapy classes.  Plus, it feels a little like double-date, and I’m not into Alpha Poe, thanks.

I wish them well and walk to my car, keys in hand.  I unlock my door and stop to take a swig of my water bottle as I scan the parking lot, brain on autopilot.

A black Chevy truck with a camper shell pulls up to the Supremacy.  It’s vanity plate reads “F1stOrdr,” and I’d recognize the huge frame and dark hair of the man behind the wheel anywhere.  

Ben Solo steps out and looks over his shoulder, like he can sense I’m watching him.  Our eyes lock.  I set my hip and stare right back at him as I swallow.  He’s not going to intimidate me.

Then slowly a huge hand floats up just above his shoulder and he waves at me like a beauty queen on a parade float, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.  It's ridiculous.  I try to fight it back, but cannot hide my smile as I shake my head like he's cracked a dirty joke and I disapprove.  I wave back quickly and slip into my car.

Dammit, that man.  My smile doesn’t fade as I drive home.

____________

On Sunday, I lock the door, close the blinds, and turn my phone on silent.  One day of self-service soft heat, coming right up.  I drink the trigger tea and wait in my loose t-shirt for the first wave of need to hit.

I’m a pro at this now.  I know exactly the dirty movies I need to cue up and at which parts, the sexy song playlists that get me in the mood, and which photos of unusually attractive actors (conventional is boring!) I need to pull up.  My sex toys are all cleaned and lined up on my bedside table like little soldiers.  I’ve got my Archive of my Own bookmarks pulled up on my iPad.  Time to fuck myself silly.

Except everything feels off today, and I don’t know why.  

The movies have the opposite effect than intended.  The actors are all wrong- either too short or too fair.  Blue eyes are suddenly repulsive.  I shut it off.

The music grates and the actors look plastic.  I’m getting horny, but my mind is restless as the soft heat takes hold.  I need an image to cling to.  I start reading some dirty fanfic and that’s better, but instead of the dark space prince I should be thinking of, I’m only envisioning one man.  A man with dark, sad eyes, a wicked grin, and shoulders that block out the sun.

I’m lying in bed on a pair of towels so I don’t have to wash the sheets too soon.  I let my iPad slip from my hands as I reach for my vibrator and then close my eyes.  I’m here alone, no one has to know what I’m thinking or who I’m thinking it about.  Just me.  I let the vibrator slide up and down my slit, now wet with slick, and I think of Solo and his smirk.  Mmmmm.  That's does it.

I tilt my hips gently forward and back to find a rhythm.  It feels good.  The first wave of ache hits, and I let out a needy moan.  Thank goodness I’m the only one here to hear it.  I whine pathetically at the next ache, and I take my other hand and try to fill the hunger of my cunt.  I slip in two fingers and that’s better already.  My other hand works the vibrator around my clit, sliding up and down, with sweet pressure.

In my mind, I see Solo in class, holding his plank, and I’m straddling him from above.  Only this time when I touch his hips, he moves and surprises me, pressing his ass up into my pussy, already wet for him.  I grind against his tight ass, wanting so much more, before he lowers down quickly and flips on his back to pull me down to straddle his hips.

I bite my lip on my bed as I think of him staring right into me as he slips my leggings and thong down.  “You’re so wet for me, kitten,” he says in a low rumble.  And I am.  I am fucking drenched for him, dripping into the towel beneath me.

I start rocking my hips on my bed, sliding my hand in and out of my pussy to match time with the vibrator, and in my mind he pulls his pants down and pushes his cock up against me, asking me like a sweet Alpha gentleman should, “is this what you want?”

His eyes bore into me as he palms his cock, the drip of precum sliding wet on my ass as I grind on him.  I whimper as I rush to say, “yes, oh please, yes,” saying it aloud, finally admitting it to myself.  It is what I want, here alone in my bed.

“Take it, Omega, it’s yours” and Solo pushes into me in one deep thrust until I’m seated on him fully.  I moan at the thought of the burn as my hand slides in deeper.

I add another finger because nothing about Solo is small, three feels right.  My hands do the work while my mind rides him, fucking him like it’s my job, the whole time staring down at him and cooing, “Ooh, Alpha.”  

“Who’s fucking you right now, kitten?” he asks me gently.  I know what he wants to hear so I give it to him. “You are, Alpha, you.”  

“That’s right.  Good girl.  Your Alpha.”  My body releases a gush of slick at the words, pleased at his praise, even as a part of me recoils at needing it.  When I’m like this I can’t think too hard, I have to let my body take the lead.  I’m safe and alone, I don't have to feel ashamed.

My hands start moving faster and I can feel my inner walls clenching down.  They’re getting tighter and tighter, a rough patch at the front deep inside getting extra stimulation as I thrust in and out, and it feels so right.  So good, when I think of him.  The tight band of muscle deep in my cunt is hugging in on my hand, and I can only imagine how good it would feel for Solo’s big cock to feel that squeeze, the praise he’d give me.  “So tight, so perfect, all mine, Omega, just for me.”

I’m bucking and gasping as I ride the next wave of ache to my climax, and it’s the thought of his praise that shoves me over the edge.  I push the vibrator down hard, sucking in my breath, as my body clenches down tight on my hand and my legs shake.  I cry out, “Fill me, Alpha, all for you!” to the empty room.

I pump my hand and buck my hips for what feels like an eternity as my climax crashes over me like a tidal wave.  Because it’s a soft heat, I leave my hand in place, and I almost trick my body that there’s a knot in there. I get a quick hit of oxytocin and dopamine coming down from my high and that will soothe the heat itch longer.  Another trick I learned from Maz.

After another ten minutes I get up and wash off my hands and between my legs.  I snack and drink more water, take a quick nap before my next wave of need.

I normally come around three or four times during a soft heat.  But today, I stop counting after eight.  Maz wasn’t joking that I was thrown off.  I think of Solo each time and do terrible, wonderful things with him.

It starts to wind down around ten that night and I’m exhausted.  I take a warm bath and curl up in bed to sleep. Even though it’s over, I’m still thinking about Solo and his dark brown eyes.  

Damn that man.

Chapter Text

By Monday morning, I’m back to normal.  My soft heat and Maz’s emergency tea worked together to reset my system.  I stretch in bed curling my toes, long and lazy in the morning light, happy to feel like myself again.  Ahhh.

I hit the shower to get ready for my lecture at the university.  I’m pursuing my Master’s in Physical Therapy, and I’m midway through the three-year program.  I want to open my own practice after graduation. It’s my life’s goal to help people regain mobility and independence, to help them claim their bodies back.  No one should be a prisoner in their own body.

As I towel off and glance at my toys sitting beside the sink, I get a twisty feeling in my stomach thinking about yesterday.  Best not to think of Mr. Dark Eyes. I’m just going to avoid him. A part of me sinks at the thought, but it’s the smart thing to do after he threw me off my cycle.  There’s something there . . . Maz was right, as always. Better to be safe.

________

I’m thirty minutes early for my barre class on Tuesday, right on schedule.  I roll on an extra dose of my essential oil blockers on my pressure points and under my nose and head into work.

My 9:30 class is usually full.  It’s a ball day, so I put a blue ball on the handle notch of each mat.  We have a rotating schedule of exercises, plus ball and band days, to keep things interesting for the students.  As a teacher, I love the freedom and creativity to craft my own classes.  I choose my own music, exercises and variations, and I’m always researching new stretches and poses to deepen the practice of my clients.  Rebel Belle Barre is my happy place.

The students filter in, and I chit-chat with the regulars.  Two minutes before class starts, I stand at the iPad and look into the mirror and freeze.   

There’s Solo, striding down the hallway, wearing all black like some sort of bootcamp ninja, heading straight for my class.  He walks in and takes a spot in the back of the room, hands on his hips and biting his bottom lip.

What the hell?

I plaster on a closed-lip smile and walk up to him, turning off my mic so only he can hear.  His dark eyes flutter and land on mine, his expression unreadable.

“What’re you doing here?” I whisper.

“Taking class, obviously.”  He says, dark pools swirling.  He gives me wry smile.  

I fake nonchalance and walk over to cue up my music and get a sip of water.  I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing, but I’m stubborn as hell and he’s not going to pressure me into dating him.  I shake my head to clear it and turn on my mic.  I’m a professional, I won’t let him rattle me.

I don’t pull any punches for him in class.  I don’t treat him any worse than my other students, but I also don’t change my choreography.  If Solo’s here to take class, then he’s gonna take whatever I dish out.

Time to play my game, Alpha.

I’m ruthless.  All guys with muscles lose flexibility, and it shows.  I lead splits from down dog and watch as he struggles to lift his back leg up above his hip as my other students reach toes straight up to the sky.  I do a side-split stretch at the barre, and the rest of the class are graceful ballerinas bowing over like rainbows as his gigantic man hands spread wide awkwardly and his leg bends and shakes on the barre.  I lead roundback abdominals against the wall, and as the other ladies stretch both legs straight and hug their knees to their nose, he huffs and puffs and grabs bent knees to his shoulders, trembling like a leaf from the exertion.

They’re in a final hold when I crouch down directly in front of him, and his dark eyes snap open to mine.  He’s pursing his lips and breathing hard.  

“Just focus on your core, hugging navel to spine,” I tell him, “You can do it.  You’re stronger than you think.”  

I give him an encouraging smile, delighted I’m working him so hard.  He acknowledges me with a nod then squeezes his eyes shut.

I won’t touch him in class.  Not even once. I stand beside him to model the positions and issue verbal corrections, but that’s it.  I’m not risking a repeat of last time.

He looks at me in the mirror like all my students do, open and docile, a slight look of helplessness as he waits for me to tell him what to do.  It’s kind of sweet.  He’s being such a good sport that I can’t help but soften to him.  Poor big guy, he’s trying so hard.

At the end of class, I turn down the lights and play quiet acoustic music to lead a guided meditation.  My students lay flat on their backs in the final pose of savasana, arms and legs splayed open, eyes closed.

“Take a deep breath in and feel your chest rise with air,” I intone in a soothing voice.  “Exhale and feel the release of your muscles. Let go of any tension, and melt into the earth beneath you.”

Everyone’s eyes are closed, and mine land on him.  His wide chest rises and falls.  I trace the mounds of his juicy pectorals, the thick deltoid muscle under his sleeve leading down to his huge forearms and hands.  “Clench and unclench your fists and feel the softness come back in your body,” I say, just so I can watch the ropey muscles of his arms dance for me.

The swell of his thick thighs hugged by his spandex briefs under his loose black shorts makes me lick my lips.  “Flex and point your toes to relax the muscles of your legs."  I track the curve of his calf as it flexes and guides my gaze upward, as I imagine the other thick, ropey muscle at the juncture of his thighs.  Mmm.

I have to look away as I cross my legs and squeeze, hoping my pheromones didn’t betray my thoughts.  “Focus on your heartbeat. Let the work of the last sixty minutes integrate into your body. My name is Rey, if you have any questions or feedback, I’m here after class.  Take the time you need.”

I turn off my headset and replace it by the iPad.  I brace myself for another showdown with Solo after class.  Is he going to ask me out again?  Get pushy?  Am I going to have to put him in his place?

As I’m moving around the room delivering a personalized final stretch to each student individually, he abruptly stands and puts his mat on the dirty pile and walks out without a word.

I furrow my brow, confused.  What’s he playing?  I return focus on my work to ignore the sinking feeling of disappointment at seeing him go.

________

To my surprise, Solo’s in my barre class again on Thursday.  Same thing. He works out, then gets up and leaves without a word afterwards.

Kaydel texts me late Friday night that she’s sick and could I sub for her cardio barre class early Saturday morning?  Yet again, Solo’s there. He must be checking my schedule on the Rebel Belle App to catch the last-minute change.  Same thing, he works out and then quickly leaves.  

I sit down at the front desk after class and pull up his student record.  He’s only taking my classes.  But he’s not even talking to me.  Huh.  I’m thoroughly confused, what's he doing?

The next Monday morning after class, studio owner Amilyn Holdo waves me into the back office for a chat.  I have no idea what it could be about, but she’s smiling.

“Rey, let’s talk about Ben Solo and the Supremacy,” she opens.

I stiffen and cross my arms.  Did he complain about me?  Tell her about our showdown over the music?  

“Thank you so much for inviting him over!  He came to me today to tell me how much he’s enjoying your classes and what an amazing teacher you are.  He said he’s seen a change in his core strength and flexibility after just one week!  Also some very lovely things about you.”

I’m shocked.  “Oh, wow, that’s great.  I had no idea.  Did he tell you I went over there about their music?”

Holdo laughs.  “Yes, he told me how impressed he was that you stood up for us.  I think he used the term, ‘a polite pitbull,’ if I recall correctly.”

I blush.   

“They’ve changed their music system so it won’t filter through the wall anymore.  And Ben and I are discussing some partnership events so we can capture some of their significant others, since bootcamp is primarily men and we’re mostly mostly women. A high tide and all that!” she says cheerily.

I nod.  Seems like a good thing, but more time at the Supremacy . . .

“On that note, he asked if we’d like to teach a weekly barre class at their gym to focus on core and flexibility?  Since he’s been taking your classes, I wanted to ask you first if you wanted to pick up a new time slot?”

So that’s it, then.  He thinks he can win me over.  “Did he ask for me specifically?”

“No,” Amilyn says, “he didn’t.”

I decide to test my theory.  “I’m flattered, but I’m pretty busy this semester.  Maybe I could sub if needed?”  If he’s trying to get into my leggings, he’ll have to try harder.

Holdo nods.  “Okay, I’ll ask Jess or Kaydel.”

Your move, Solo.

___________

Solo keeps coming to my classes.  Kaydel’s teaching at the Supremacy, so even though I rejected his little plan, he sticks to it.  He still only takes my classes, though, even when I sub.

My students get used to him, and he starts to chat them up before class.  He’s charming and friendly and the ladies eat it up as I eavesdrop from the back.  The sound of his low rumble followed by girlish giggles becomes a familiar sound in my studio.   

The regulars take him under their wing and help him out in class.  They get this melty look when he talks to them, giving him their best heart eyes.  A few of the single betas switch their set up position to his corner of the room, not even trying to be subtle about it.  I press my lips together and roll my eyes when I notice.

It’s his third week when I finally start to touch him again.

He’s holding a plank when I decide.  I kneel down in front of him and gently place my hand on the back of his head, over his half-up ponytail.  I hear him exhale as I touch him, and I quietly whisper, “Tilt your chin down and lift your head up into my palm.”   

He does it instantly.  I hold him for a moment and then release my hand, flexing it at my side.  “Nice. That protects your cervical alignment.” He nods to acknowledge me.

I adjust him a few more times that class.  I’m tentative at first and avoid his mating gland like it’s electrified.  But by the end of class, it seems natural.

He leaves as usual, and I clean up the studio.

There’s a food truck in the parking lot selling smoothies and salads, healthy stuff.  I’m a stickler for what I put in my body, only clean food with no preservatives or chemicals.  I walk over to check it out.

I’m scanning the menu overhead and still deciding when I hear a velvet voice behind me say, “Thirsty after kicking all that ass, Miss Jakkobsen?”

I know that voice.  I set my face into a smirk before turning to see Solo behind me, deep amber eyes twinkling in the light.

“Whose ass are we talking about right now?”  I tease.

“Mine, of course.  I can’t speak to any of the other asses, but mine you’re definitely kicking.”  

I scoff.  “Come on, you’re fit as hell.  And your alignment has gotten much better.”

“Well, I thought I was fit.  It’s a perk of owning a gym. But your classes have illustrated my . . . weaknesses.”  He smiles like we’re sharing a secret.  I have to look away before I grin back.

I order a lemongrass green smoothie with hemp hearts and a raw veggie and kale salad with balsamic.  He orders an almond protein smoothie and a seared tuna wrap.

Our food comes out at the same time.  It’s a nice day out. I walk in his shadow as we cut across the lot to the picnic table at the far end.  He sits opposite from me and we dig in.

As we’re munching, I ask him, “Is this your first time owning a gym?”

He nods.  “Yup. I got out of the service and did some military contracting work for awhile, but hated it.  I tried working with my family,” He chuckles darkly. “That was a nightmare.  So I saved up to open the Supremacy.  I wanted to be my own boss.”

Just like me.  It’s my dream to not have to answer to anybody.  “How’s it going so far?” I ask as I scoop up another bite.

“Great, actually.  I was a personal trainer and I brought over some students to get started.  I trained some of them to coach with me.  Couldn’t do without my knights.” He swallows his shake.  “Of course, we did have a little problem with the neighbors. Tough neighborhood I guess.”

I nod and chew my salad.  Hey, wait a minute . . . I peer up and he’s grinning at me.  

“Me?”

He winks.

I tilt my head at him.  “Not so tough, eh?  If a little ole’ barre instructor rattles your teeth.”  I wiggle my eyebrows at him and take a long sip out of my straw.

He looks down at my mouth as I drink.  “You’re a lot tougher than you look.  And that’s not the only thing you’re rattling.”

I choke and sputter while he laughs, a deep belly roar.  After I regain myself and wipe my mouth with a napkin, I ask, annoyed, “Is that why you’re taking my classes?  To get in my pants?”

The smile drops.  “I was just teasing you. I like your classes, Rey, that’s why I take them.  Just like I told Holdo.”

I narrow my eyes and jut out my chin at him.  “Why?  Tell me why you like them.”

He leans back and crosses his arms, biceps swelling.  “Well, for one, you’re knowledgeable about the body.  You’ve taught me about anatomy and inspired me to read more to help my own students.  I also like your music, and your exercise choices, and your class flow . . . I don’t even remember how I get from one exercise to another, it’s so seamless.”

I sit back, chastened as I blink at him.  He’s actually thought about this.  Maybe I’ve been underestimating him.

“And, of course, the stretching and abdominal work is different.  And it’s fucking hard.  I feel your classes in muscles I didn’t even know I had.”

I quirk my eyebrow at him but don’t chase that thread.  This conversation would devolve quick if I started asking about all his sore places.  

“But what I like most is your voice as a teacher.  Your actual voice, which I could listen to all day, but also your confidence.  I trust you. I trust that you know what you’re doing, and that you’ll take care of your students.  That’s important when you feel vulnerable in a new situation.”

It’s the nicest compliment a student has ever given me and it’s coming out of Solo’s lush mouth.  It’s exactly what I want my students to feel. Like he’s read my mind.

He looks at me directly with his warm brown eyes, and I feel my heart clench along with my thighs.  Whatever that thoughtful sadness is lurking in him, I get the sense it’s just the surface of hidden depths.  I swallow the lump in my throat as I break eye contact with him to look down at my salad.

“Thank you.  That’s probably the nicest compliment anyone’s ever goven me.”

“It’s easy to be nice when it’s true.”

We munch for a while, in silence.

I sigh and don’t look up as the words tumble out, “I don’t date Alphas. Ever.”

He keeps eating, but I can tell he’s listening.  I feel like I want to share more with him, though I don’t know why.

“My father was an Alpha, and my mother was an Omega.”

He still doesn’t look up as I gaze at my salad.  I feel sick and nervous just thinking about that time.  My head stays down as I focus on keeping the quaver out of my voice.

“My mom may have been an Omega, but she was strong.  She fought back against my beast of a father.  It was terrible.  Constantly at each other’s throats.  I’d have to lock myself in my room at night, head under the pillow, as they tore each other apart.  They’d make up, then fight, over and over again.  Finally at eight, I was removed to a foster family.”

I hear him exhale.  I take a sip of my straw, swallow, and then look up at him. “I swore that would never happen to me.  That I’d never be that out of control-  crazed and trapped.  So I never date Alphas.”

He swallows and processes my words.  I’m waiting for the onslaught of, “but that’s not me!” or, “I’m different, just give me chance!”  I’ve heard it all before.  Alphas can't accept rejection- it bucks the natural order.

Solo just stares at me as he works his jaw, his eyes gentle.  “I’m sorry, Rey. I’m really sorry.”

I nod.

“Just friends, then.”

I blink at him.  I think maybe I’ve misunderstood.  Is Ben Solo, top Alpha, asking to be my friend?

“Friends,” I say, repeating his words, but also agreeing.  That’s what I want, right?

He presses his lips together into a shy smile, and we finish our lunch.  Then we part ways.

“See you in class tomorrow, Teach,” he calls out over his shoulder as he walks back to the Supremacy.  I watch him strut away.  I unlock my car and sit inside, rubbing my right hand.  The ache flares up again and settles in the very center of my palm and throbs.

I start the engine and puzzle over the rarity of an Alpha who took “no” for an answer.

Chapter Text

Solo and I have been “friends” for two weeks now.  I’d use air quotes if I actually told anyone about him, because my body clearly hasn’t gotten the memo that he’s not for fucking.

But I haven’t told anyone, not even Rose.  What would I actually say?

There’s this hot and strangely sweet Alpha that is totally into me and I really, REALLY want to climb him like a tree, but I won’t because: reasons.  

Or, I can taste him on the roof of my mouth the minute he walks in the room, and when I do my hormones jump up like an overeager nerd with the right answer?

How about, I have wet dreams about hopping into his lap in class and riding his pelvic thrusts in backdancing like a mechanical bull?

Hmm, pathetic. Not in control. Weak.  I can’t allow myself to be those things.  I can’t admit it out loud to anyone, least of all him.

He’s in my classes three times a week.  I leave telltale signs when he’s nearby, my traitorous body betraying me with the flush of my cheeks and a pheromone cloud to match.

He picks up on it, of course, although he’s too much of a gentleman to say anything.  But I can tell. He’s still all Alpha and can’t deny his instincts. When I stand too close, or touch him, his eyes darken and his mouth parts to catch a taste of me in the air, licking his lips.  My scent blooms in response, and now it’s an arousal contest until the end of class.

Something’s gotta give soon or we’ll rip each other’s clothes off in the middle of mat stretch.

_________

On Thursday, he stays after savasana instead of leaving.  He’s rubbing his injured shoulder. Once we’re alone, I take off the mic and kneel down next to him.  I can tell he’s in pain, and I feel the urge to help him.

I ask permission with my look as I reach out to touch his shoulder.  “How long ago did you hurt it?” He winces as my fingers feel around the joint.

“Five years ago.”  He rolls his neck. “I got therapy after my medical discharge.”

“Physical?”

“Both,” he looks away as I knead deeper.

People open up emotionally after workouts from the release of tension and endorphins.  Some of my students have even cried.  It’s not a surprise when he opens up, but what he’s says is.

His voice is soft and low.  “I was an angry kid who joined the Marines so I could punch people in an acceptable way.  But what I found was belonging.  It was the first time I ever felt useful. And then I fucked it all up getting hurt and became a warrior without a war.”

And an Alpha without a pack, I think.  Alphas are natural leaders and need community.  To be ripped from a tight-knit group like that would be traumatic for any Alpha, but especially hard on one like Ben Solo.

I keep rubbing his shoulder in small circles to release the knots, making sure he knows that he’s safe here.  He turns his head and watches me as I work on him. I look at my own hands as I feel my heat rise and settle in my lap, my fingers digging into his skin. I make sure to avoid his gland and his eyes, both too dangerous.  

“Thanks, Rey,” he says softly as I finish.  I smile at him and nod, placing my hands on my thighs.  I don’t want to move yet and lose the way he’s looking at me.

He finally gets up to stack his mat in the corner.  “I’ll see you tomorrow night, right?”

Friday night is the big joint open house event hosted at the Supremacy.  All the Rebel Belle Barre staff are invited, as are clients, and there’s an after-party with drinks and a DJ.  “I’ll be there.”

He walks past me to the door then turns back.  “Okay, Teach. Rest up. Once I get you on my turf, you’re all mine.”  He gives me a naughty grin and saunters out.

I wait until he’s gone to lift my fingers up to my nose and take a deep whiff of him as I shudder.  It’s getting worse. Learning more about him just makes the want stronger.

___________

That afternoon, I bound up the stairs to Maz’s office two at a time for my follow-up appointment.  Once I’m seated in the exam room, she turns down the lights and shines a flashlight in my eyes to check out my dilation.

“Hmm, how is the tea protocol doing?” she asks.

I sigh.  “I think it’s wearing off, Maz.  It’s not working right.”

She turns on the lights.  “I was afraid that would happen.  I’ve been doing some research into your situation.  I’ll need to take some samples for testing. If I can pinpoint the exact cause of the disruption, we can treat it more effectively.”

I think of Solo’s firm ass thrusting his hips up in the air as his heels dig into the ground in backdancing.  I think I know the source.

“Maz, I have to tell you something,” I start.  I nibble my lip as my cheeks flush. Despite telling her everything, I’m strangely embarrassed.  “I’m having dreams about Solo, the Alpha. Vivid dreams.”

Maz is a champ at a poker face.  Her eyebrows slowly float above her thick glasses anyway.

“How is your hand, Rey, you said it was giving you trouble?”  She asks, seemingly changing the subject.

“It’s still aching.  I’ve been rolling it with a tennis ball, and I’m careful in planks.  It comes and goes.”  I rub my palm. I don’t see what that has to do with anything.

Maz brings over long Q-tips and swabs inside my throat and on my neck gland.  She puts the samples in glass vials and then adds liquid, one tube turning a bright blue and the other a deep, vivid purple.  She bends over to note this in my file.

“What is it?  Is it bad?” I ask nervously.

“Oh, ma chere, nothing is bad about biology.  It is what it is. We just have to look at it in a new way.”

I quirk my mouth up at the corner.  Plenty is bad about biology. Being a needy, pleading mess under some asshole Alpha’s knot may be natural, but don’t expect me to take it lying down, so to speak.  I’m not weak, I should’ve been born an Alpha.

Mother Nature is a bitch.

Maz finishes and comes to sit down next to me.  She lovingly pats me on the thigh.

“Rey, I’ve always helped control your body as you wanted.  But have you considered there are other ways besides fighting your heats?”

I shake my head.  “No, I haven’t. I just wanted it to go away.”

It’s getting exhausting, the three way fight over Solo between my mind, body and emotional baggage.  My mind says date him, my body says fuck him, but my fear and independent streak cry out “NEVER!” like spoiled drama queens.  It’s tearing me apart.

She nods tenderly. “You have choices, Rey.  You could form a truce. Don’t shut it out anymore, try to listen and work with it.  Close your eyes, chere, and feel it. Go with what it is telling you.”

I close my eyes.  I take a deep breath and focus inward.  I silence my mind and try to hear the Omega voice locked away deep inside.  It whispers to me, I want, I need, please.

I open my eyes.  “I’m ready to think about it, Maz.  Let’s talk alternatives.”

She smiles at me and claps her hands together.  “Of course, dear. It’s going to be scary to try something different.  But I can help you. Just trust yourself.”

I tap my foot nervously.  I don’t know what scares me the most, trying to form a truce with the Omega side or actually trusting myself.  I don’t know what will happen.

But I want to try.

________

The next night, I meet up at Rebel Belle before we walk over together.  Finn and Poe are joining us. Poe’s all right, seems like a good enough guy, he has the typical Alpha arrogance but none of the BDE swagger of Solo.  Kaydel seems into him, which is great.

We all walk over together at sunset, and I pair off with Rose as the guys follow behind.

“Rosie, there’s something I need to tell you,” I whisper in her ear, excited and jumpy.

“Is it about the bootcamp hunk in your classes?”  she whispers back, eyes twinkling.

“How’d you know?”  I should’ve guessed she’d figure it out.  Rose is too clever by half.

“Girl, I’m a beta, and even I can smell you two from a mile away.  Both of your pheromones need to get a room.”

I groan, embarrassed, but I laugh.  “I’m going to ask him out.”

Rose turns to me sharply, eyes like full moons.  “An Alpha? Really, Rey?”

“Just a date, Rose, nothing crazy!  I’ve been talking to Maz. I think I’m ready to try some baby steps.”

She’s stunned into silence, a rare feat, and she wraps her arm around mine as we walk up to the Supremacy.  “Well, that’s some character growth, Rey. I’m proud of you, girl.”

Inside the Supremacy there’s a number of stations set up in an obstacle course.  We get name tags and sorted into groups, then head out onto the floor as Solo stands up on a riser with a headset.

“Welcome to the Supremacy, Rebel Belles, we’re glad you’re here!”  He says jovially. One of the boot campers gives a lascivious hoot, and I roll my eyes as some of the belles laugh.  Oh, it’s going to be like that, is it?

“Now, guys, these ladies are our guests.  We want them to feel respected and comfortable here, right ladies?”

We all clap and Rose yells, “Damn straight!”  I see Hux standing near the front, and he smirks at me while I give him a stone face.

“So let’s warm-up and get to the good stuff.  Jumping jacks, go!”

Phasma turns on the music and Solo leads us into a series of jumping jacks and squats, yelling at us like a coach.  He’s in command and owns the room. Tough but encouraging, his voice demands obedience. He’s the king of Alphas. It’s hot as hell.

He orders us to drop and plank, then walks up and down the rows calling out praise and corrections.  Gaze down, I see his big feet stop in front of me.

“Now, Miss Jakkobsen, I know you can lower those hips more.”

I grit my teeth and lower down a couple of inches so my hips are in line with my shoulders, hugging my waist in tight.

“What’s that you always tell me about lifting the base of your seat?”

I turn my head to the side to look in the mirror at him.  He’s staring at my ass like it’s going to answer him. I squeeze and lift, and he grins.  He gets down on a knee and covers his mic, his hot breath on my neck. “That’s a good girl,” he rumbles out just next to my ear as I shiver.  I close my eyes and feel my thong grow wet as my cunt clenches as if on demand. The smug bastard.

Next we rotate between stations.  I’m at the rope climb, just getting started three feet up, as I fumble to twist my legs around for leverage.  I hear Hux’s voice beneath me. “Having a hard time up there, Omega?  Need a hand?” He puts his hands on my ass, and I jerk away from his slimy touch.  I’m about to snarl at him when I hear a roar across the room, “HUX, over here right NOW!”

I spot Solo standing across the room, furious, his hackles raised and brow drawn tight.  Hux walks over to his boss, and I can practically see his tail tucked between his legs. I freeze as I watch Solo chew Hux out, his boiling anger directed right in the man’s face.  A hand suddenly whips behind Hux’s neck to draw him closer and the muscles in Hux’s neck flex. Solo towers over him and they nearly touch foreheads as he berates him, Hux cowering and trying to avert his eyes.  My legs grow weak so I slide back down to earth, panting.

Holy shit, I’ve never seen him so mad.  It’s mesmerizing, this show of dominance.  All because of me. A quiet little voice whispers, Strong. Mine.  I feel a gush of slick and cross my legs.  I’m going to have to get out of here soon before I cause a scene.

The final event before the party is the relay race.  “But there’s a twist,” Solo tells us. “Every Supremacy Knight is going to carry a Rebel Belle on his back.  First couple that wins gets a bottle of wine. Partner up!”

The belles laugh and twitter as they pick a Knight.  Rose climbs aboard Finn instead, and Kaydel hops up on Poe.  The rest of the belles find partners, and I start to walk off the floor casually.    

Solo blocks my path.  “You aren’t trying to get away, are you?”  His eyes dare me on.

I jut out my chin.  I accept. “I don’t run from a challenge.”

He flashes a wicked grin, then goes down on one knee and holds a hand out to me, like a prince in a fairytale.  “Milady, your mount awaits.”

Oh, Alpha, you have no idea.  

I get a buzzy feeling as I take his hand and he leads me around.

I climb on his back and loop my thighs around his waist.  His huge hands span my thighs as he holds me in a vice grip, and my pussy flutters.  “Hold on, don’t let go,” he rumbles out as he stands, and I wrap one arm around his shoulder and the other his ribcage to clasp my hands over his heart.  My cheek is only a few inches from his mating gland, and I literally bite my tongue so I won’t lick it.

He’s firm and hot beneath me, molten metal, and I have to hug him tighter to hide my own trembling.  My heart is thudding so hard in my chest, he’s got to feel it. His scent is overpowering this close and I’m so wet for him, my cunt is dripping.  “Ready, Rey?” he asks as we line up, and I know I can’t hide it. He strokes my thighs with his thumbs.

Yes, I’m ready.  God, I’m so ready, he knows.    

Phasma holds up her hand and counts down, “Three, two, one, GO!”

And then he’s moving like a lumbering beast, and all the Rebel belles are squealing and giggling holding on for their lives to the mass of moving muscle tearing through the gym.

Solo is strong and fast, and it seems like I weigh nothing to him.  He feels incredibly good, and my clit is getting rubbed just the right way so I close my eyes.  They snap open when I hear him growl low in his throat, and I realize that I’m purring. What’s happening to me?

He makes the turn then races back to tap the next waiting pair.  He holds on to me, gasping as his chest heaves in my hands, until finally he bends forward to help slide me down.  I nearly wail when I have to let go of him to stand on shaky legs.

Phasma announces the winner of the race and we turn to each other.  Neither of us look, we’re too caught up in each other’s eyes. The lights dim down and the red lights glow in the gym as the DJ starts up with a bass beat.  Bodies move and shift around us.  We still haven’t moved.  I can’t peel my eyes off of him, like I’m under a spell.  I’ll think about why tomorrow, tonight I just want to feel.

His eyes are burnt embers, and he smolders as he offers his hand again.  “Want to dance?”

I don’t.  But I do want to touch him, so I take his hand.

Then everything goes to hell in an instant.

My fingertips touch his palm.  There’s an electric shock as a flash of light and a searing pain that courses straight up to my shoulder, where it settles and stings.  I flinch and cry out, and reflexively cover my upper arm with my other palm.

“Jesus, are you okay?”  He looks at me, worried.

I peel back my hand and there’s a bright red mark on my shoulder, a slash of lines, jagged and imprecise.  I touch the edge with my thumb and it scorches me as I whimper.

Solo’s jaw hangs open.  Then it’s like a switch goes off and everything shifts.

All sound dampens but the sound of him, hot haggard breaths and the steady beat of his heart a few feet away ringing in my ears.  Everyone else fades away, but he’s solid and clear, his confusion and concern painted across his face.

A wall of scent crashes down on me, so strong that I sway, but I pick up spice and smoke and know that it’s him.  Alpha.  My Alpha.  

He’s so overpowering, consuming all my senses, that I can’t think of anything else but my need to taste him, drink him, swallow him down or I’ll die.  My breath catches as a gush of slick releases down my thighs and I moan.

I take two steps forward and grab his pectorals, fisting his shirt in both hands as I yank him down and kiss him full on the mouth.  

He tastes delicious. His soft lips open to me, and our tongues swirl as I hold him tight.  I claim his mouth hungrily.  Mine.  All Mine.

I nibble and swallow him down like a starving woman.  His hands float up to my face and cup my cheeks gently, then land on my shoulders, and I whine as he tears us apart.

He looks dizzy as he pants, “Rey, Rey you have to get out of here.  Now.”

I blink up at him, not understanding, just needing more.

He holds my shoulders firmly.  “You’re in heat.”

And the last little part of me that isn’t overtaken by Omega screams.

Chapter Text

The steady pound of the techno music vibrates through me like a drum, and I squint against the red and white lights flashing in the Supremacy.  My mind is hazy and my skin prickles as all my senses turn on at once. I’m overstimulated as I stare at my hands where they are gripped on Solo’s taut chest, gathering his shirt in my sweaty palms.

“Rey, listen, you need to leave.   Now. ”

“Uh-huh,” I mutter.  My logical thought is shutting down and is being replaced with just one thought.   Need.  Need. I need him.   I feel drunk as I paw at him like a cat, his pectorals bouncing back as I slowly knead the muscles, fascinated.

His pointer finger hooks under my chin to draw it up to his worried, warm eyes.  “Who can take you home?”

I blink at him as I part my lips, only inches away from his.  I flick out my tongue. I still taste him. You.  You. Only you, Alpha.  

He’s looking at me expectantly, and I’m locked in a deathmatch with my Omega voice.  I manage to work out, “Rose Tico.”

Solo nods and guides me by the shoulders to the front door of the Supremacy.  He walks just behind me as we pass a group of Alphas, their scent assaulting me and I shrink back into him.   He looks up sharply as they stare and his hands clench into my shoulders, possessively.

His words ring in my ears.   Heat.  Not safe.  

I’m going into a hard heat in a room full of keyed-up, aggressive Alpha males.  Solo may be the top dog, but there’s only one of him. This could go very bad very soon.

I shiver as he sits me down in a chair by the front door.  He grabs a jacket, his, and wraps it tight around my shoulders.  “Is this your bag?” He asks, holding one up. I nod. He must’ve smelled it when I wasn’t looking.

He kneels down and cups my cheek to make sure I’m looking at him.  The shivering is getting worse.

“Rey, I’m going to find Rose.  Wait here.”

I reach out and snatch his wrist as he moves to stand up, I won’t let go.  “Please, please,” it’s all I can manage.

He kneels down again and his palm is back on my cheek.  Ahhh. That’s right, that’s good.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you.  I’m going to take care of you, Rey.” He presses his lips together as he looks down at me, like I’m a scared child that needs reassuring.  Which I guess I am. “Don’t move, wait right here. I’ll be back with Rose.”

I nod and he leaves me.  I hug my bag to my chest and wrap his jacket tighter.  It smells like him and it soothes me, I exhale and the shaking slows down.

I look around the room and pick up the cocktail of strange Alpha scents.  Suddenly I’m aware of eyes on me. I can feel it. Alpha eyes. Not Solo.

The hair on the back of my neck stands up and Solo’s words bleed together with the instinct from the Omega until I can’t tell which is which.  

Heat.  Not safe.  Heat. Not safe.

Run.  Escape.  Run.

Now!

I get up and jerk the door open and run into the parking lot to find my car.

I slam into the driver’s side door of my car, clumsy as I misjudge the distance.  I drop my bag and my stuff scatters as I scrabble to find my keys with shaking hands.  

Panting, I’m starting to panic, and my heart feels like it’s beating in my throat.  I need to get away from all those Alphas, now, before it’s too late and my heat really hits.

“Rey?”  I hear behind me and I stiffen.  I turn and there’s Poe.

Alpha.  Strange alpha.  

I take a step back from him and lean into my car.  He holds up his hands as if to show he’s unarmed.

“Rey, are you okay?  You shouldn’t be out here alone.”  

The wind shifts.  It blows towards him, and I see his nostrils flare as he catches the scent of my heat.  His jaw moves and his eyelids fall to half-mast he reaches forward to take my arm, holding onto Solo’s jacket.

Not safe.  Threat. Run!

Before he can say anything, I turn and run in blind panic, slipping out of Solo’s jacket and leaving it hanging empty in Poe’s hand.

“Rey, wait!  Come back! You can’t be out here alone like this!”  I hear his footsteps behind me, chasing.

I race around the corner of the building and down the embankment into the woods.  I’m not thinking of anything but escape, my mind spiralling in fear. I slip and fall down on my hip, then hop up again and keep on running.  I’ve made it about twenty feet past the treeline when I feel hands reach out for my shoulders, and I tumble forward, ending up in a tangle on the ground with Poe on top of me.

“Rey, just calm down!  I’m not going to hurt you!”  He’s fumbling trying to capture my arms as I flail and kick.  I flip over onto my back to push him off, screaming.

He puts a thigh between my leg and holds me down with his body weight, pressing my wrists into the ground by my head so I’ll stop hitting him.  I squirm under him as I scream and spit.

“Rey, just calm down, and I’ll get off of you!  I’m just trying to help!”

His words filter though my adrenaline fog and I stop struggling, gasping for breath as I will my body to give in and stop fighting.

Poe looks down at me, his nostrils flaring.  I wait for him to let go like he said he would, but he doesn’t move.  He licks his lips and is about to say something when suddenly a dark shadow flashes in front of me and Poe is thrown to the ground with a thud and a grunt.

Solo kneels down to me.  “Are you okay, Rey?”

I turn and see Poe lying unconscious on the ground.  I start to sob and cough and throw my arms around Solo’s neck and pull him down to me.  He slides one hand under my knees and the other behind my back to lift and cradle me to his chest.  My tears stain his shirt as I shake in his arms.  He shushes me and rubs his palm on my back.

Solo carries me back to the parking lot where Finn and Rose are waiting.  “I’m taking her home,” he tells them as Rose nods. “Your friend is in the woods, better get him,” he says brusquely to Finn, who frowns and runs off.

He doesn’t put me down, carrying me all the way to his truck.  Solo opens the back, under the camper.  There’s exercise mats and a sleeping bag. He makes a nest for me and then lays his jacket on top as I curl up in a ball.  Rose hands him my house keys and crawls in the truck to put my bag inside next to me and pet my head.

“Are you sure you’re okay to get her home?” she asks in a strong voice, studying him.  I start to shiver again.

“Absolutely,” he says, handing her his phone.  “Give me your number.” I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand and whimper when I get the first deep cramp in my abdomen.

Rose gives me a kiss on the forehead and says, “Text me when you’re home safe, Rey.  I’ll check in after we get Poe.”

I nod as I hear the engine turn over.  Rose crawls out and closes the rear gate, and then Solo is driving away.  Beneath my nest that smells like him, I doze off feeling protected.

+++++

Solo opens my apartment door for me and we walk inside.  I only live fifteen minutes away, but the cramps have started coming in regular intervals, so he saved me just in the nick of time.

He puts down my bag on the counter and walks into the kitchen.  He opens cabinets until he finds a glass and fills it with cold water from the fridge.  I sit on a stool as he hands me the water. Suddenly I’m so parched my throat itches, and I swallow down the whole glass and half of another.

I snuggle into his jacket perched on my stool and watch as he starts making plates of food for me.  Fruit, gluten free crackers, nuts and goat cheese, little rolls of meat, all cut and washed and arranged.  He looks down determinedly at his task, brow furrowed in concentration, not talking. I start to rub my thighs together rhythmically.

Good Alpha.  Taking care of you.  My Alpha.

He reaches into my bag and pulls out my phone.

“I’m going to charge your phone.  Is there anyone else . . .” he takes a deep breath in and closes his eyes like he’s in pain, “you can call to help you with your heat?  A Beta?”

I shake my head.  This is happening, it’s really happening.  My voice cracks, “No. I haven’t had a hard heat since my first one.”

He looks relieved, but puts his hands on his hips and nibbles his lip.  “You have a doctor on call? Emergency meds?”

I shake again.  “No, I don’t do Western medicine.  Maz is my practitioner, but I don’t have anything that will stop it here.”

“I can take you to the E.R. and wait with you-”

“No,” I’m adamant.  “I don’t want drugs.  I don’t want that poison in me.”  

I think about my conversation with Maz as I take baby steps over to him.  He watches me approach, face drawn tight. I can’t tell what he’s thinking.  I slip my arms out of his jacket and let it fall off my shoulders. This wasn’t supposed to happen yet, but here we are.  “I want you, Alpha.”

“Rey, this is your heat talking.”  He takes a step back, wary. I see his fists clench at his sides and vein throb on his neck as he tenses.

He doesn’t move to touch me and I step up close enough for my fingertips to trace light circles on his stomach just above his navel.  He quivers and holds his breath.

“Only you can give me what I need, Just you.”  I moan as I lean into him for another taste. I reach up on tiptoes for his mouth, but his firm hands push me down on my heels and back to earth.

“I only do consent, sweetheart, and you are too far gone,” he says, tone as mournful as his eyes.

“But I want you, Alpha, I want you so badly.”  I whine as the hunger between my thighs drives away any other thought, the last bit of Rey taking a backseat to Omega.

GIve me the knot, give it to me, I need it, need, need.

He smiles ruefully but he doesn’t move to touch me.  The cramping in my low belly starts to give way to an empty ache.  There’s only one thing that will fill it.

My pulse quickens and I start to pant, and then it snaps for good.  The Omega wins.

Time to take matters into my own hands.

I catch his eyes and strip off my top and bra before he can blink.  He takes a step wider to open his stance as his scent explodes in the air and his eyes roam wild over my breasts.  I’m panting and my nipples are spiked in greeting as I stand proud under his gaze.

For you, Alpha.  All for you.

His nostrils flare as his muscles tense to pounce.   Finally , every inch of my body screams.  This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, the moment I crave.  

He looks me straight in the eyes.  Then bolts around me to the front door and starts fiddling with the lock.

It’s so absurd, it takes me a moment to process he’s fleeing.  What the fuck?

I race around the island and launch myself at his back, grabbing around his waist like a vice.

“Where are you going?!  I need you Alpha!” I yell, as I snake a leg around one thigh like a vine.  “Stay!” I want him. He wants me. I can smell it in the air. What is he doing?

He nearly growls at me.  “I’m getting the fuck out of here before I do something you regret, Rey!”

I’m strong and determined, so he can’t get untangled without hurting me.  He leans his forehead on my front door as his hands drop to his sides in resignation, and I squeeze him tighter in my victory, rocking my hips against his ass.

“Come, Alpha,” I tug at him.  “Come to my bed.”

He turns and I slip around to stand beside him, still clutching him in both arms like a prize.  I lead him back to the hallway to my bedroom. We’re almost at the threshold when I stop and look up at him, my cheek pressed against his chest.

Every Alpha I’ve ever met would have thrown me over his shoulder the minute we walked in my door, but Solo’s still holding back.  I can feel how hard his body struggles against the biology sucking us both under.

His deep, sad eyes are gold and green up close, with an inner halo that I didn’t notice before.  The tiny part of my brain that is still me gets pulled into his eyes, and I see underneath the cockiness and the big Alpha pride to the sweet gentleness underneath.

He leans down and slowly, painfully slowly, places a tender kiss on my forehead with his rosy plush lips.  I sway into him and purr, soothed by his touch, finally.

But it’s not gentleness that I want right now.  I let go of his waist to try to cup his face and smash it into mine . . . but at the last minute he wiggles away and darts past me into my bathroom, locking the door as I squeal in protest.

“Let me in!  Solo, open this door!”

“No.  No, Rey, I won’t.”

My hormones are raging, the pheromone cocktail he dropped in my hall is driving me wild, and my needy desperation turns to anger.

“You open this door RIGHT NOW and knot me, you fucker!”

“I will not.  I’m not coming out.  You gotta get a hold of yourself.”

“Fuck you, I want YOU to get a hold of me.  Now, Alpha!”

He growls at the order.  I try a new tactic, using my very best Omega voice.

“Oooohhh, Alpha.  I need youuuu. I need you soooo bad.  Give me your knot, please, please, take care of meeeee.”

More growling and pacing, and a body part slams against the wall.

“Alpha, open the door.  Take me, baby, pleaseeeee?  We both want this.”

“No, Rey.  You’re going to hold it against me.  No consent, no way.”

“I won’t!  I promise I won’t!  Pinky promise!  Just fuck me until it’s all better, Alpha!”

Something heavy and hard shakes the door and I jump back.  I think it’s his head.

“I. can’t. it’s. not. you. talking. right. now.”  He punctuates each word with a thump against the door.

I get mad again.

“Get out of my fucking bathroom!  I need to pee. Come out.”

“Go pee in the sink.”

I’m furious, and the hormones rage again.  “This is my house, I will not!  Just because my Alpha is too much of a coward to give me his knot!”

More growling and frustrated sounds, things kicking around inside.  Good.  He’s doing this to both of us.

I pant and my hormone-scrambled brain tries to think what to do.  The ache in my core is growing painful.

I lower my voice, sticky and sweet.  “You know what I do in there?  I shower.  Naked.  I touch myself, wash my firm body.  Everything smells like me in there.  The towels, my dirty clothes, you’re surrounded.  Just breathe it in.  In a few minutes you’ll open the door, Alpha.”

Quiet.  I can taste his pheromones kick up as they waft out to me through the gap under the door.  

Then I hear a switch and the exhaust fan turns on.

I roar.  “Solo! Dammit!  Open this door!”

“Rey, I can’t.  I can’t, baby.  Not like this.  I only do consent, and you’re in heat.  I’m not going to fuck this up, not when I lo-”  He stops himself as I cut him off.

“I want you to FUCK me up!  You asshole Alpha!”  I kick the door three times, then grunt and slide down to the floor and put my head in my hands.  My core throbs and and I have to breathe through the wave of need.  

I hear him plop down on the other side.

A gush of slick escapes into my leggings, and I moan as the ache takes hold.  “It hurts,” I say, and he groans.  “I know, baby, I’m sorry.”  I turn my back to lean against the door.  He’s only a few inches away, but I can’t get to him.

I see the bathroom light filter out from beneath the door.  There’s a one-inch space, it isn’t airtight.

If he won’t come out to me, then I’m going to come for him.  Literally.  Omega will get what she needs.  Time for some chemical warfare.

I slide my hand down into my leggings and start lazily stroking my slick-drenched slit.  I hiss and play up the moan that escapes my lips, making it long and deep for him.

His voice is tense.  “What’re you doing?”

“You know what I’m doing, Alpha.  If you won’t take care of me, I have to do it.”

If someone had cut him open and ripped a piece out, I’m not sure it would sound any different than the tortured moan that escapes his throat.

I slide my leggings and thong down to my knees and push my heels into the ground as I rub my slit back and forth, rocking my hips up to meet my hand, covered in a thick gloss already.  Then I slide two fingers from my other hand into my soaking pussy gasp in relief.

“What're you doing?” he asks again, his tone darker.  I hear some shuffling sounds and pressure on the door behind me as it rattles.  “Tell me,” he growls.

“I’m rubbing my clit.  I wish it was you,” I rasp out, my fingers sliding faster.

He groans, then his deep Alpha tone kicks in.  “I can smell you, so fucking sweet.”

I hitch my breath as my hand speeds up.  "For you, Alpha, all for you."  I’m so keyed up, it’s like weeks of arousal just stayed there, pooling right under my skin, and his voice is drawing it all out.  

I hear rhythmic tapping sounds on the other side of the door.  His taste on the roof of my mouth deepens, a thick umami and smoke that makes me smack my lips.  I know he’s stroking his cock as he listens to me, and it makes my mouth water.  I want to suck him down my throat and drink him in, knot and all, have him fill me anyway he can.

“Solo, God, Alpha, I want you so bad,” I plead and slide my hand in deeper, adding another finger to my sobbing pussy, the stretch not quite enough to soothe the burn.  “I need you in my cunt, Alpha.”  The Omega has no shame, she calls it like it is.

“Fuck, Rey, fuck,” the tapping sounds get louder as he bosses me around.  “Dig your hand in deeper for me, Omega.”

I thrill at his tone as I do what he says, keening for him as I close my eyes.  I’m almost done for already.  His smell and the sound of his cock working as it’s locked away from me is like torture.  I open my legs and plunge my hand in even deeper thinking of his throbbing cock filling me just right as my right hand whips faster than a hummingbird at my clit, chasing my high.

I start to whine in time with my hands.  He calls out in his strong Alpha voice, straining with effort, “Good girl, that’s a good girl. Fuck yourself for me, Omega.  I want to taste you.  Come on your hand, give it to me.”

His praise in his deep, velvet voice sends me flying.  A scream rips from my throat, PleasePleasePlease, and I push my head against the door as my legs buck and shake.  The spasms are so strong that I see stars as I stroke my clit through my climax while he growls behind me.

After my last tremor stops, I take a big swipe of slick and slide my trembling fingers under the bathroom door.  I jolt as his hot tongue laps them clean.  I purr as I feel his lips shake in rhythm to his hand furiously working his cock.  I flutter around my fingers still shoved deep inside, wishing it were him.   

I hear cursing and a grunt and can taste his cum in the air, like the smell of rain before a storm, thick and wet.  I lick my lips to swallow traces down my throat while he sucks on my fingers.  When he finally pulls away, I withdraw from the door but leave my other hand embedded deep inside.

I need to trick my body that it has a knot so I can get that fifteen minute window of clarity and calm before the next wave hits.

It may be my only chance to convince him to come out.

Chapter Text

His deep breaths rattle the door behind my back as we float down from our climaxes together.  My tight band of muscles squeezes my hand, still shoved deep in my pussy, and I feel a warm wave of calm wash over me.  

Maz taught me how to fake out my body into thinking it has a knot to get the release of chemicals that soothes the heat itch.  She said the hormones are similar to a breastfeeding high. The peaceful euphoria is another way Mother Nature bonds me to my mate and makes me more fertile.  

Mother Nature is a tricky bitch.

Sleepy and happy, my heart skips thinking of Solo leaning on the door behind me.  Our scents have braided together in the air, soothing me. I listen to the little noises he makes a few inches away.  Everything feels right.

Well, almost everything.

“Solo?”

“Mmmm.”

“Are you going to come out now?”

The door creaks as he shifts.  “I dunno.”

“What’s your plan?  To wait out the weekend in my bathroom?”  My tone is teasing, but it’s my voice now, not the Omega’s.  I hope he can tell the difference.

“You’ll have to sleep sometime,” he says, resigned.

“So will you.”

He’s silent.  The exhaust fan rattles behind the door.  I reach my free hand up to draw hearts with my fingertip on the cool wood.  I have a short window of time to get him to come out. I have to make this good.

I go with honesty.  “I haven’t had a hard heat in years.  Your scent is going to drive me insane if you’re locked up in there.  Are you prepared to put me through that?  All the pleading, screaming, moaning?”  I pause for emphasis and pull out the big gun. “Even crying.”

He groans.  Men can’t stand to hear women crying.  

I prod him.  “You’d put me through that?”  

He shifts against the door.  When he speaks, his voice is muffled and pained.  I imagine he has his head in his hands, hanging it low between his knees.  

“Rey, God, if you knew how bad it hurts to stay away from you.  I think you’re kicking off my rut.”

I sit up straighter.  He may be strong enough to resist me now, but no way he can resist his own rut.  Mama Nature is gonna fuck him up, too.  We need to come to an understanding before that happens.  

“Just come out, baby, it will be so good.”  The Omega’s not there yet, but she’s creeping back.  I’m running out of time.

He groans.  “I want to do this right.  I won’t fuck it up, I won’t.  You’re not yourself in heat.”

He’s right.  My body is swimming in hormones and pheromones, all sorts of chemicals swirling and changing how I think and feel.  Right now, I’m not my normal, in-command Rey, who takes no shit from anyone and never, ever, loses control.

But maybe that isn’t a bad thing after all.  Maybe not with the right person.  

My inner Omega is screaming to be let out.  Maz taught me that instead of fighting my body, I can embrace all of it, on my terms.  I can make that choice.

Maybe my control is in giving in.

“Solo, you have your phone in there?  Text Rose.  Ask her what I said about you.”

I hear the sound of jangling keys.  Then a thump against the door and a heavy exhale just behind my ear.  I get butterflies of anticipation.

“She told you I was going to ask you out?”

“Yeah.”  He chuckles, then sounds sad.  “But you didn’t get the chance.”

I slide my hand out of my pussy and shuck my leggings and thong off.  Coming to my knees, I turn to the door and push my palms into the wood.  This is my last chance before I get sucked under and Omega takes control.  I have to convince him I really want this.

“Solo.  Ben.”  I haven’t called him by his first name before.  The word tastes delicious in my mouth, just like he does.  My pheromones kick up and cloud around the door, he’s bound to smell me.   

“Ben, I’m asking you out right now.  Please go on a date with me?”  I’m completely naked and on my knees, begging him through a locked door, but I don’t care.

“When?” he says.

“Next week.”  I pause.  “After you fuck me through my heat.”

“Rey-” he starts.

“Ben, listen.  This IS me talking.  I want you.  Rose just confirmed it.  That wasn’t just my body reacting in class, that was ME.  You felt it, I know you did.”  I start to shift my knees and rub my thighs together.  The pressure in my core is building up, fast.

I can tell he’s listening.  “I was gonna tell you, but my heat came too soon.  I even talked to my doctor about you on Thursday.”

“You did?”  His voice is sweet and surprised, and my heart breaks a little.  How can he be such a teddy bear under all that meat?

I stand up and lean in close to the door, making sure he hears every word.  “Yes. Ben, I want to get to know you. I want to date you.  I want you for more than your cock.”

He huffs.  I feel the heat creeping back into my abdomen, and my skin grows hot and tingly.  I’m hanging by a thread, the Omega breathing down my neck, waiting to take over completely.

“Now, please, please come out and fuck me like I need you to, Alpha?”

This is it.  Time’s up.

I hear shuffling sounds and then jerk back when the door opens abruptly.

He’s standing in only his tight boxer briefs, hair disheveled, and nostrils flaring.  The wave of Alpha pheromones pouring through the open door almost knocks me over.

I’m totally nude in front of him, but I don’t move to hide.  His wide eyes graze down my body, and his lips part as I bask in his gaze.  My pussy clenches as if on command when I see his cock bulge and rise in front of me.

“Wednesday?  Dinner?”  He growls out, dark eyes snapping to mine as he flexes his hands.

I start to quiver as I see him tense up to move and slick drips down my thighs.  I can smell the Alpha and the Omega rising in the air, a thunder cloud of pheromones swirling around us, the storm about to break.  

“Whatever you want,” I say breathlessly, and I mean it.  

Anything, Alpha, take it all.

We stand looking at each other for a moment that feels like an eternity.  He stares at me hungrily as I wait for him to take what’s his.

Then I whimper.  He snaps, and the thunder rolls.

Solo charges like a bull, two steps forward and he’s on me, pulling me to his bare chest.  I gasp, his hot skin firm like steel, and my peaked nipples rasp against his ribs as he pulls me in closer.

He holds me so tight I have to fight to breathe, my hands clawing at his shoulders.  He slips a hand around my back to brace me and the other pulls through my hair to tilt my head back.  I think he’s going for my gland, but instead he dives forward for my mouth as he supports my neck in his palm.

His soft lips are sin.  I open for him, and his tongue plunges in, his taste exploding in my mouth.  I make sounds I don’t recognize as all rational thought vanishes, replaced by only him.   

Alpha, my Alpha, Ben, Mine.  

I moan into his mouth as he bows me backwards.  He kisses me senseless, and I go limp in his arms, completely overwhelmed by his taste, his scent, his skin.  My hands reach for the back of his neck and thread into his hair.

God, this.  This.  

I could come just from this.  He kisses me like a promise, like a confession, and I eat up every word and swallow.

His skin is scorching me it’s so hot, or maybe it’s me, I can’t tell anymore because we’re both on fire.  The ache in my core intensifies as my heat flares to life.  I squirm and writhe in his arms like a fish in a net, trying to create as much contact and friction on him as I can.  

I want his scent all over me.  I want to touch him everywhere simultaneously, put every part of him in my mouth.  He’s driving me crazy with need, and I’m burning for him.

More, more, Alpha!  My Alpha, more!

He pulls back, and we both gasp for air.  Then his lips slide down to spread kisses like confetti across my face, neck and chest.

“I’ve wanted.”  Kiss.  “To do this.”  Kiss.  “Since the moment.”   Kiss.  “I saw you.”  Kiss.

More slick trickles down my thighs, and I’m too far gone to care.  I whisper into his hair, “Yes, yes, please, Alpha.”

He pulls me up to standing and supports me as I sway, dizzy and lightheaded.  I hop up into his arms like a gymnast on a vault and straddle his waist, my slick smearing his abdomen.  I wrap my arms around his shoulders and nibble on his ear as he cups my ass and kneads it like dough, walking us back to my bedroom.

I hug him tight with my thighs, and he slaps my ass.   “Mine,” he growls, and I know for sure his Alpha is out now.  Fuck, yeah.  I nuzzle against his throat and lick his neck gland in a long, firm stripe, and he groans.  

Solo walks up to my bed and throws off the covers before dropping me down to watch me as I bounce.  I gush slick again just from the way he looks at me.  He’s turned me into a waterfall.

“Please, please, Alpha, knot me.”  I beg and twist like a snake.  I’m nervy and desperate for him to fill me up and end this aching emptiness.  I reach out my arms to him.  Gimme.

“Be still, Omega,” he says in his bossy Alpha voice, and I freeze.  He grabs my hips and yanks me to the edge of the bed.  It feels so good to be in his hands and to not have to think, for once.

Ben.  Ben will take care of me.  My Alpha, Mine.

Letting go of control is its own kind of drunk.

“I need you, I need you now-”  I whine.

“I’m gonna give you what you want.”  He smiles and strokes my jaw with his finger.  I nuzzle against his hand.  “I’m gonna take care of you real good, baby.”

Ooh, that makes me buck my hips up to him.  My skin is buzzy and sensitive, like it’s turned inside out.  Heat is taking over, and my brain is checking out.

All I can think about is his huge cock, the tip pushing up out of the waistband of his shorts, winking and teasing me.  I want it, I want his knot.

His wide palms press into my thighs to push them open and hold me down.  I can’t take my eyes off of his thick fingers pressing into my skin, making it bend around him.  His palms span my thighs.

I’m exposed, my slit wide open to him, and he’s staring as I soak the sheets.  My cunt is clenching for him as my ache increases.  He doesn’t move, and I frown. “Am I okay?  Is-”

“You’re perfect.  So fucking good, baby.  So wet, Omega, I gotta taste you.”

He lowers down to his knees, dark eyes on mine, and bows to lick a stripe up my slit with his hot, pink tongue.

I jerk and my spine stiffens like I’ve been shocked.  The intensity of his mouth on my aching pussy is almost too much.  I’m a live wire.  He starts to lap and suck, and my thighs tremble and shake as he holds me down.  His tongue circles my clit, and I’m going to come before we’ve even started.

“Oh, God, Alpha, please.”

“That’s it, good girl, Omega.  You need to come first then I’ll fuck you.”

He slides two fingers into my slick pussy as his mouth works me.  My leg that’s free has a mind of its own, kicking out in time with his tongue, my heel digging into the mattress as he laps up my sopping cunt.  

I whine, high-pitched and wild, and my fingers tug at his long hair, pulling out the rubberband and shaking his waves loose.  I’m going to come, I’m too worked up not to, but I want his knot desperately.  It’s almost like a panic, my deep hunger to have him inside.

Fill me, Fill me, Fill me.

“Fuck me, Alpha,” I beg as I’m starting to reach my climax, “I need you.”

“No, Omega.”  His bossy voice quiets me.  “Come in my mouth, like a good kitten, then I’ll knot you.”

He holds me down as I close my eyes.  His words set me off, and I can’t hold it back any longer.  I dig in my heels and buck my hips up to his mouth as he sucks me to my high, my vision blurring then exploding into light.

I cry out senselessly as my climax rips through me, hips bucking up against his mouth as he growls in pleasure.  It’s so good that I forget to breathe as I melt in his mouth.

I’m panting when he crawls up to me.  He slides me up the bed like a rag doll before stripping off his briefs.  Solo lies on top of me and licks at my neck, sucking and nibbling on my swollen and sensitive scent gland.  His tongue on my gland feels incredible, almost as good as on my clit.  I close my eyes and turn away in submission to open it all up for him.  

Take it all, Alpha, I want you to.

His rock hard cock weeps for me.  I paw at it to rub the drop of precum on my fingers and swipe it across my stomach, some deep instinct urging me to save his essence and mark myself as his.  

I open my legs wider when he pushes his hips against me, his monster cock parting my folds as he glides along my slit on a runway of slick.  “You ready, Omega?” he asks with half-lidded eyes.

He cages me between his bulging biceps as he studies my face, just waiting for the word.   I kiss his chin and throat and nod.  I’ve never felt so safe in my life.

I find his eyes again.   “Please,” is all I can manage as he reaches down to press the tip of his thick cock into my entrance, and I tip my hips up to guide him home.

Biting his lip for control, he slowly presses in, inch by glorious, thick inch, and my body sings in relief.  Every part of him is huge and strong.

His cock fills me with a burn that soothes the itch and ache.  He sinks in completely and the screaming neediness stops.  He’s a hot knife sliding into butter, a hand slipping into a glove.  It’s everything I want and have ever wanted, this feeling of him deep inside.

He holds still as we breathe the same air, his face inches from mine.  I dive into his eyes, the gold flecks and hidden depths, and brush his hair from his face.  It feels perfect.

It’s the calm in the eye of the storm, but the storm is coming.  

He pumps one time, slow and hard.  I gasp.  He pumps again, and I scrape my fingers down his back.  The third time he thrusts so hard my bed hits the bedside table and I hear a lamp crash down.

It’s wonderful, but it’s not enough.  The Omega needs more.

We’ve got all weekend for slow and for creative.  Right now I want jackhammer. I feel like I’m going to die if he doesn’t fuck me so hard that I can’t speak.

I throw my head back and cry out, “Fuck, Alpha, more!”

That’s all it takes.  He gives me what I need.  

He thrusts into me with all the power of a six foot, two-inch former marine bootcamp instructor.  I flex my thighs and hug in my waist to protect my back as I take every inch, every pound, of what he gives me.  My bed is slowly inching across the room, and a thought flashes that he may break it.  Oh, well.

I’m blinking back tears thinking of all the times I took care of myself during a soft heat when this man and his beautiful cock existed in the world.  

He’s grunting in time with his thrusts.  I can feel his knot starting to swell as his sweat drips down on my chest.  “Wait, Alpha, wait,” I slur out and he stops. “I wanna be on my stomach.”

He rolls me over and and grabs my hips as he slices back in.  I stretch my legs long as he straddles me, and I cross my ankles.  “Fuck, so tight, Omega.”  He slaps my ass, and I squeal.  “Perfect pussy, baby.”

My hands twist the sheets and he leans over my mating gland and gives it a tentative kiss as he pounds into me.  Just the lightest touch makes my cunt flutter.  It’s ten times as powerful as touching my clit.  I arch my back and lift my ass up to him so he’ll drive in harder.  He growls as he grabs a cheek and squeezes, “Goddamn, this perfect ass, it’s mine.  Mine.  I want it.”   

My inner walls are closing in on him, racing to my climax and to swallow his knot.  “Alpha, Alpha, I’m going to come. Please, please.”

“That’s it, come on my knot, kitten,”  He drives into me, and I can’t form words.  I can only chase it, every stroke, every rub hitting me deep inside, filling me up until I’m brimming over with him.

He’s slamming into me faster as I feel his knot swell.  We’re about to lose our minds together, and he’ll knot me.  It’s perfect.

Then lighting strikes, almost literally.  It happens so fast.

The first wave of my climax hits, and I reach around to grab his hip.

The moment I touch him with my right hand, there’s a flash of light and a bolt of electricity courses through us as we both yell out in surprise.

He comes and shoves his knot in as my cunt spasms around him, sucking him in deeper, locking us together as he spurts hot streams of cum, and I shake through my orgasm.  

We fall to the bed gasping, drenched in sweat and slick.  Solo carefully rolls us on our sides, working around the knot as we lie in a loose tangle and catch our breaths.

I rise up and look over my shoulder at him, then I gasp.

He’s got a thin, red line like a scar, tracing up from his hip bone to his shoulder, then across his face from jaw to the other brow.  He doesn’t seem to notice it as his eyes close.  I’m too out of my mind and tired to understand, and he pulls me down to his chest as we shift around the knot.

He curls around me and cradles me closer, brushing my hair away from my neck to hook his chin over my shoulder.  I feel a wave of calm euphoria wash over me and everything is wonderful in the world as the hormone cocktail from his knot takes hold.  

We drift off to sleep fitted together like a lock and key, the whole weekend ahead of us.

Chapter Text

I wake up in the dark to a high-pitched whine, my drowsy brain barely registering it’s coming from deep within my own throat.  Flashes of far-off lightning slice through my blinds, the only source of light in the pitch-black room. I can tell by the stillness of the air that I’m alone.  

A contraction hits me deep in my gut, and I whimper and curl my knees into my chest.  I ball up in the center of my bed under layers upon layers of sheets and blankets. Where did they come from?  Solo must have rummaged through my closets while I slept, his deep-rooted Alpha urge to provide kicking in.

I’m still naked, my flushed skin making it hard to tell if I’m hot or cold, and I quiver as I burrow down deeper in the nest.  The empty ache in my core feels like I’m being carved out with a spoon, like scraping out a grapefruit. I take shallow breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth, as I count down from ten to ride out the contraction.

A tiny sliver of my mind recognizes that I’m in full-blown heat now, and I feel a flash of terror.  I’ve only had one hard heat in my life, my very first, and I blacked out for most of it. I’ve spent my whole life fighting to maintain control, and although I trust him, I’m still frightened.

“Solo!” I cry out into the darkness, as I pull the blankets around my shoulders.  I’m scared to be alone, and I feel the steady chant of need from the Omega whispering under my skin.

Knot.  Alpha’s knot.  Must have HIS KNOT.  Please your Alpha, get KNOT!

A moment after my cry, he’s standing in the doorway blocking the light from the hall, butt naked and holding a glass of water and a plate of fruit.  I can still see a pale red line traveling from his hip up to his shoulder and across his face, but it’s faint and faded. “Rey?” he says, a look of concern on his open face.

He’s so gorgeous, I could die.  I look him up and down as the soft light curves around his muscles, and I lick my lips.  My stomach and my pussy are in a deathmatch for my attention. I can’t decide what I want to devour first, the food or him.  

I whimper pathetically mid-contraction and he comes to me, setting down the food on the bedside table.  He whispers encouragement in my ear as he rubs my back in small circles. I straighten when it’s over, and he offers the water first.  I chug it all down and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand as he takes the empty glass. He holds a strawberry up to my lips until I open and he pops it in.  

It’s silly, I know, I can feed myself, but I like that he’s doing it.   My Alpha is taking care of me.  I’m not sure if that’s my voice or the Omega’s.

“Hungry girl,” he says with warm eyes, holding up another berry.  I hold his gaze and open my mouth until he lays it slowly on my tongue.  I moan, a bit lustier than normal. All my senses are heightened and the food smells and tastes amazing, but that’s not entirely why I’m moaning.

It’s him.  It’s the way his eyes follow my lips as I suck it in, like I’m doing something fascinating.  It’s his bare, hot skin and musky Alpha scent sitting a few inches away, feeding me and protecting me.  My thighs grow sticky again and I press them together.

He lifts up a berry and smiles, warm and cozy like a flannel shirt.  I lick my lips and this time he draws it away slightly to make me stretch for it, eyes tracking my lips.  I dart forward and snap it up as he hums. “I like feeding you, baby.”

He pets my hair gently and tucks it behind my ear so he can see my eyes.  I get a buzzy feeling all over at his touch, and my eyes water. No one has ever taken care of me like this.

When another contraction digs in, I flinch.  “Does it hurt?” he asks softly, and I nod. “What do you need?”

Knot.  My Alpha.  Knot now .

I look up with wet eyes.  “You, I need you.” All I can think of his cock, it’s the answer to everything, but I also need his touch.  I need him to look at me that way and to touch me and make it all better.

He puts the plate down by the headboard and scoots into the nest to spoon me from behind.  He reaches for another strawberry and puts it in my mouth as I rub my ass against him, spreading my slick on him as he grows hard.

His hand traces lines up and down my arm as he lifts my hair back to kiss on my neck.  I moan, leaning into his heat behind my back, and his firm cock rubs up and down my ass, teasing me.  It’s almost painful if I can’t feel his skin on mine, so I reach back to grab his hip to tug him into me tighter.  He slides down the bed to align with my slit and whispers, “Ready, baby?” I nod emphatically and he slowly pushes his thick tip in, parting me down the middle like the fucking Red Sea, until he’s hilted to the root in my core and he grunts.

I shudder around his cock and go boneless.  The angry pain in my pussy stops, the urgent Omega whisper quiets, and I feel overwhelming relief.  I’m full and relaxed, it’s pure bliss and peace, his perfect cock is the cure. He holds still as I clench around him and his fingertips stroke my back.  He reaches for some blueberries and pops them into my mouth one at a time. It’s heavenly.

“You haven’t had a hard heat in awhile, right?”  he asks.

“Never,” I correct.  “Just when I presented.”

“This is your first with an Alpha?”  he asks, tension in his voice.

I nod, and he sighs.

I look over my shoulder.  He’ still hasn’t moved, but my twisting around causes him to squeeze my hips.  I search for his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

He exhales, warm breath in my hair.  “I just wanted . . .” He trails off and looks away, eyes sad.  “Our first time to be special.”

“Why can’t this be special?”  I rub his hip with my thumb, reassuring him.

He dips down to kiss my shoulder, leaving his lips resting on my skin.  “It is. It’s just, everyone’s first heat or rut is hard. And if we had more time together first . . . You would trust me.”

I lift my fingertips to touch the faint scar on his cheek.  “I do trust you, Ben, I do. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”  I give a small pump of my ass back to him and enjoy how his fingers dig into my hip bones.

“What was your first one like?” I ask, gently rocking back against him.

He matches my slow rhythm.  We’re barely moving, just leaning into each other like we’re swaying on the deck of a ship being tossed by waves.  It feels incredible.

“It was fucking terrible,” he says, voice strained.

I stop and turn to him and he looks down with a grimace.  “I was seventeen and she was twenty-two, the sister of a friend.  She didn’t give a damn about me, it was just a game to her, a Beta taking an Alpha’s first rut like a goddamn trophy.”

I grab his wrist and loop his arm around my waist.  He rolls his hips slowly, like we’re hitting a huge wave at sea.  I cover his hand with mine and push my ass back. “What happened?”

His voice is low.  “She didn’t know what she was doing, and I had no fucking clue.  I didn’t know about pacing, about feeding and rest. She passed out and had to be hospitalized for dehydration.  Her parents went ballistic and called mine, there was a huge fight and they almost sued. I was already an angry kid, so my folks pumped me full of suppressants and shipped me off for a boarding school to deal with.”

I stop moving, stilling him with my hand.  I push him out of me then turn to face him, lying on my side to curl my leg over his hip to guide his cock back in.  I cup his jaw to draw his chin down to face me, his sad eyes darting wildly before I capture them again. “I’m sorry, Ben.  That wasn’t your fault. You were a kid.”

He nods once but I can tell he doesn’t believe me.  I pull him down for a kiss but before our lips touch I hold him there, smiling as I whisper, “I trust you, baby.  You’re gonna take care of me.” I pull him in so gently, like he’s the fragile one, his soft lips like sugar as I suck him in.

His cock pulses inside me, and I get the urge to move.  I roll my hips against him and he grunts in my mouth as we keep kissing, tongues brushing gently.  One of his big hands snakes around my hip and grabs my ass, palming it like a basketball as he flexes his hips and pushes deeper.  I break the kiss to gasp and close my eyes. “Oh, Alpha,” I say, and I can feel his chest expand in pride.

He keeps hold of my ass while his other hand reaches to feed me more blueberries.  I lick and suck on his fingers after he plops them in. Then he curls his fingers around my jaw lightly to get my attention.

“Rey, listen.  I’m only an hour or two away from rut.  When that hits, it’s gonna be crazy intense, so we have to nail this down now.”

I nod, but I’m already losing my mind.  I can’t imagine anything more intense than his cock speared into me like a javelin as it is right now, but okay.

“I gotta know your hard limits.  If there’s anything you don’t want me to do, even if you ask.”

I’m breathless just thinking about it.  “Like positions? Sex acts?”

“Yeah.  Heat and rut are very-- it’s animalistic, just raw fucking, and the urges are so strong.  Just tell me now and I won’t do it, even if you beg.”

I shift my hips again as I think.  His cock is making it very hard to string words together, that plus the fact he can put it anywhere he wants and I’m going to be happy.

“I don’t want anything that hurts me— and that includes you making me beg for it.”

He nods.  “Of course, baby, I wouldn’t ever hurt you.”

“I just want your cock in my pussy, maybe mouth a little, but that’s where I need it.”

He nods again and pumps his hips and squeezes my ass.  My pussy flutters like it agrees with me.

“And I like it when you say I’m a good girl and you’re bossy, just keep being nice about it.”

He reaches forward and starts to nibble on my neck.  “I’m always nice to my kitten,” he coos, and I reach both arms around his neck.

The energy inside me feels like it’s igniting into a fire, and I can’t talk anymore.  I just have to fuck. I curl my fingers in his hair at the nape of his neck and pull tight and he growls.

“No more talk, Alpha.”  I push him on his back and roll to straddle his waist.  “Please fuck me, I need your knot.”

His lips part and his lower lip juts out so I duck down to suck it between my teeth, juicy like a ripe pear.  He lets me hold him down by his hair as my knees dig into the mattress, and I start to lift my ass up and down to pump on his cock.

His other hand slaps down on my ass cheek with a smack , and I jump but clench around him.  He breaks the kiss and smiles. “You like that, kitten?  You need a little discipline sometimes?”

Oooh, fuck .  I moan.  His voice has that edge like boot camp, that bossy vibe that makes my heart skip.  “Yes, Alpha,” I whisper. “I like it when you teach me.”

His hands slide up to my breasts and he cups them and pushes me to sit up straight.  I lean into his hands and he kneads me while I roll my hips. “You’re such a good girl, the best.”  His thumbs rub my nipples, and I bite my lip as my hands grab his wrists. “My beautiful girl, Omega.  Fuck, I’m so lucky.”

Solo flexes his hips so hard he lifts me off the bed as his hands on my tits push me down on his cock.  A moan rips out of my throat as I tilt my head back, eyelids fluttering. “Oh, God, Alpha, yes,” I whine out.

“You like that, kitten?  You want more?”

My head bobs up and down in answer, then he lifts me up on his cock again.  “You’re so wet for me, damn. Does that feel good?”

“Yes, yes, Alpha, please,” I’m starting to babble as my eyebrows scrunch together from the focus of trying to speak around his cock.

“Okay, kitten.  You’re gonna come first then I’m gonna knot you.  How do you want it?”

I shake my head, too far gone to care.  “Anywhere, baby, any way you give it to me.”

His hand reaches down for my clit and starts to circle while the other rubs my nipple.  When he pinches it I cry out and arch my back, and he spits out “fuck, baby,” and bends his knees to push his feet into the bed.

He starts to buck up into me as he rubs my clit and I lean forward slightly to press my hands in his beefy pectorals, digging fingertips into his meat.  His hand switches to the other breast and I start to pant and my inner walls are closing in on him as he thrusts.

“Oh, oh, oh,” I start to moan on every thrust, my vision blurring, as I catch his dark cocoa eyes staring at me.

“You’re perfect, Omega.  Gorgeous, such a good girl for me.”

His fingers on my clit twist me up in a tight coil, the pressure in my lower abdomen building, until he pinches my other nipple and I scream, “Oh, Alpha, Ben, Ben!” and burst in his lap like a balloon, my thighs shaking as I pant, and he rocks me on his cock, letting me fall back to earth slowly.

He gently pushes me to lay back on his thighs like I’m resting on a chair as his hands wrap around my waist.  I’m soft like a rag doll, and he starts to slide me up and down his cock as his heels push into the bed behind me and his bent knees thrust his hips up and down, like back dancing.  From this angle, he has a full view of his cock sliding in and out of my dripping folds, and his knot starts to bloom at the base.

“You’re so fucking hot, Rey, goddamn, baby.  I wanna make you come a million times, just for me.”  He thrusts up and grabs my hips to slam me down harder on his cock.  

“Mine, all mine.  Just for me.”

His words send a frisson of excitement down my spine and the angle has him rubbing on my front wall in just the right spot.  I feel happy tears start to well up in my eyes.

“I’m gonna come again, Alpha,” I pant out.

“Perfect baby, give it to me.  Give me another.”

He pounds up in me faster, and I bounce on his cock.  He’s staring at my tits jiggling and then his eyes drop to his cock disappearing inside me.  I can’t stop watching him watch me, it’s so hot. I’m so drenched in slick that his knot is bumping up on my clit and I start to keen.  The vibration on my clit sends me soaring and calling out his name again.

He comes right after, shouting, and I feel the white hot pulse of his come inside.  His knot swells and he thrusts it inside as I swallow him up.

I bend forward slowly, panting, as I press my palms back on his chest.  His hands slide all over my chest and shoulders, like a blind man mapping my body, then trace lazy circles on my stomach and hips as his breath slows down.

A cloud of pheromones hangs over the bed, our heat-heightened scents twining together.  I realize he’s rubbing his scent into my skin, worshipping my body and claiming it at the same time.  I’m nothing but grateful for his touch.

He helps me slowly lie down on his chest as he kisses my forehead.  I listen to his heart pounding right under my ear as his knot locks us together.  His fingers come through my hair.

“Sleep, Omega, rest up.  It’s going to be a long weekend.”

Chapter Text

I’m small and young again, curling up in my childhood bed.  Arms wrapping around knobby knees to pull them to my chest, a pillow over my head to block out the screaming.  

It's always worse right before her heat.  He senses it coming and gets worked up, picking fights to keep her attention, stupidly possessive and trying to rein her in on a leash.  She lashes out at him, mean and spiteful, her last futile struggle before biology swallows them both up and she becomes a clingy, needy mess.

The cycle set to repeat every time their heat and rut align.

All I want is quiet and calm.  I try to fold in on myself and escape.

I just want to feel safe.  Heat means screaming, heat means fighting, heat means powerlessness.  Heat isn’t safe, Alphas aren’t safe.   I don’t want to be an Omega.

I don’t want any of that. 

+++

A curse and clatter of pans leaks out of the kitchen, waking me up from my dream with a start.  

I blink open my eyes, shaking off the dream, and realize where I am again.  I’m home. Solo is here. In the daze of my heat, my body once again asserts control, making my brain its bitch.

I hear a loud sizzle.  The smell of something delicious wafts back to my bedroom, and my nose twitches like a rabbit’s.  It’s still dark, but it’s growing grey with the early morning light. I grab a fuzzy blanket to wrap around my shoulders like a cape and stumble out of bed to go find him.

I pause when I hit the open bathroom door.  It’s still steamy from Solo taking a shower while I slept.  His clothes are puddled on the floor. On instinct, I snatch up his shirt and shove my face in it, inhaling deep.   Ahhh.   Smells like him, like a man.   My Alpha.  The Omega is soothed, but I feel prickles between my legs as my heat flares.

I slip his shirt on and it fits me like a dress.  I hug myself to keep him close, then pad into the kitchen to follow the delicious smells.  

I stand at the kitchen doorway and take a deep inhale.

Solo’s facing the stove, his bare back to me.  He’s wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his thick waist, his wet hair tied half-up with one of my hair bands.   

He’s moving frantically, like he’s in the last minute of a cooking competition.  Every single horizontal surface of the kitchen is covered with food. Small plates are filled with fruit and vegetables cut into pieces or with gluten-free crackers with nutbutter spreads, larger ones hold sandwiches and wraps.  It’s a feast made from everything in my fridge and pantry.

Solo’s back is wide and pale, his muscles rippling like waves under his tight skin as his shoulder blades dip and glide as he works.  I watch, mesmerized, enjoying every twitch, every flex, every luscious swell. I lick my lips, and my stomach growls.

“Solo,” I croak out, voice scratchy from sleep.

He doesn’t hear me.  The oven timer goes off and he grabs my floral oven mitt to pull out broiled salmon filets flanked by brussel sprouts, dropping the pan on a trivet.   

“Ben,” I say louder as I step forward.  He pulls off the lid of a pot and bends down to inspect it, still oblivious.

“Alpha.”  

That does the trick.  He straightens and turns to face me, his eyebrows lifting high as his gaze drops to where his shirt hits my thigh.  When they lift to mine again, his eyes darken but his face lights up in a smile. The red scar has faded to a thin, tan mark.

“Baby,” he says softly as he draws me into his bare chest.  “I thought you were sleeping.”

I’m not a pet names kind of girl, but when he calls me “baby” it does things to me.  I nuzzle into him as he kisses the top of my head.  “Hungry?” he murmurs. I burrow my forehead into his sternum as I nod, lips pressed on his skin, drinking him in.  He has to peel me off to guide me to the table.

His Alpha male provider gene kicks in as he piles plates of food in front of me, like a proud hunter displaying his kill.  “What do you want? I’m making an omelet. I’ve got salmon. I don’t know what you like, so I made some of everything.”

No one has ever taken care of me like this before.  I look up at him, wide-eyed.  His gentle brown eyes scan my face as I well up with tears.  It must be hormones, I’m not a crier.  My heart somersaults as he brushes a fingertip down my cheekbone.

“Eat, baby.”  Solo slides an omelet in front of me, and I scoop up a huge bite on my fork.  I moan at the first taste.  All my are senses heightened, and I swoon over the explosion of flavors and smells.  He pats my hair gently as he stands over me, then heads back to the countertop to fuss over the food.

I’m ravenous.  He’s made enough to feed an army, but he still keeps moving around the kitchen like he’s on Iron Chef.  “Why so much?” I manage to ask between bites.

“For later.  I’m gonna be in no condition to cook soon,” he says, turning over his shoulder to catch my stare.  “I have to make sure you’re taken care of.”  He stacks plates in my fridge as I watch him with drowsy eyes.

I know what he means.  I’m further along than him, and I can barely think anymore, the heat screaming louder than any rational thought.  Once he’s in rut, too, it’s going to be all grunts and sighs, our brains set to monosyllable fuck mode.

My core clenches at the thought, and I moan out loud as I drop my fork.  

He’s beside me in an instant.  “What do you need, baby?”

“You, Alpha, I need you.”

His brows furrow.  “You didn’t finish eating yet.”

I whine.  “I can’t wait, Alpha, I need it now.”  Omega has no shame, being without him is agony.

He licks his lips, thinking.  “Okay, hold on.”

I hear the rattling of plates and jars as he shoves things into the fridge behind me as I hold my head in my hands.  He suddenly lifts me up out of my chair and takes my place, seating me on his lap to straddle his left thigh.

“First you gotta eat, Omega.”  He uses his bossy Alpha voice to make me listen.  

He wraps his left arm around my middle to lay me back against his chest.  I squeeze his leg between my thighs as he scoops up a bite of omelet into my mouth.  I look down and see his towel splay open, his cock slowly swelling outside my right leg.

His touch and scent soothe the itch momentarily, but the heat of his skin under my bare slit is too delicious.  My palms lower to squeeze his leg.  I start to rock back and forth with every bite, grinding down on his thick muscle as I chew.

I give up a little moan at the slide of my bare slit on his skin, and his breath catches.  A gush of slick coat his thigh, easing my slide.  It feels too good for me to be ashamed right now.

Solo lifts a glass of water to my lips so I’ll drink.  “Gotta take care of my girl,” he whispers in my ear, brushing his nose against my cheek.  I could come just from that.

His hot breath tickles my neck and his voice pulls tight like a coiled spring.  “Good girl,” he whispers, “Finish and I’ll knot you again.”

Shivers roll up my spine.  He rests his soft lips on my neck near my scent gland.  It’s on the opposite side from my mating gland, but it’s close enough to send a shiver down my spine.  I imagine what his mouth would feel like there and my pussy flutters.

I rock my hips back and forth on his thigh, tilting my pelvis to rub at the right angle.  It's good, so good.  My skin is flushed and I’m starting to sweat, so Solo strips his shirt off of me and tosses it away.  I’m naked in his lap.  

His left hand moves up to cup my breast, firm but gentle, like he’s holding a part of his own body.  He keeps feeding me and I grind on him, ratcheting myself up higher on his lap, as his thumb slowly brushes my nipple.

God, it feels too good.  I lean back against his chest and reach for his neck as I arch my back to tease him with my tits.  His chin tilts down over my shoulder to watch me rock in his lap, and he squeezes my breast as he watches me.   

I can’t stand it, I need him in me.  “Please, Alpha, please . . .” I whisper.

“Full now, Omega?” His voice is dark and deep, like a panther on the prowl.

I shake my head.  “No, I need you to fill me up,” I say, breathless, not caring how desperate I sound.

“Tell me what you want,” he rumbles in my ear.

I get goosebumps all over, my brain a blur of heat and raw want.  “I need your knot, Alpha, I need your cock.”

He exhales sharply and turns his head to kiss my cheek then lowers down to suck at my neck gland.  I cry out when his wet mouth touches my skin, a tingle zapping my core.  I can feel his cock pushing against the outside of my leg as he sucks and nips.  Solo growls when I reach down to stroke him between my fingers.

Suddenly he unlocks from my neck and wraps his arms around my waist.  I gasp as he stands up, lifting me like I’m nothing. He turns to face the countertop as he lowers me to standing and my hands reach out to the grasp the ledge for balance.

He parts my legs with his hands and then clutches my hips as I feel the nudge of his hot tip at my soaking entrance.  I exhale all at once as he pushes inside in one slow, solid thrust, until he’s dug deeply into my cunt, filling my hungry need.

Yes, Alpha.  Perfect, Alpha.

I’m lightheaded at the feel of him.  A thrill corkscrews through me as I gush around his cock.  His hands smooth over my back and hips, rubbing and soothing as my body welcomes him.  I lift to tiptoes and arch my back to invite him in deeper.

Yes, yes.  More.

“This ass, this beautiful ass.”  He squeezes fistfulls of my cheeks and gives me a light slap, the sound crackling in the air as I yelp.  If he was testing whether I liked it, the answer is clear when I clench around him and push back further.  

He reaches up to cup my breasts, using them to slide me up and down his cock in a deep, steady rhythm.  A slow keen floats out of my mouth, and he growls in response.

He quickens his pace, driving into me, and I meet him thrust for thrust, pushing back on the counter to brace myself against his Alpha strength.  

He growls out, “Mine, all mine.”    Omega coos in happiness.

Alpha.  My Alpha.  Yes, his.

My heat is sucking him down with me.  I can feel it.  He’s getting rougher, on the edge of control.  He can't fight back against biology, but it only makes me tingle in excitement.

I curl up one leg behind me to wrap my heel around his hip, almost taking dancer’s pose in yoga.  His hand grabs my inner thigh to support me and open me up more.

“Fuck, baby,” he exhales, bending his knees to change the angle, thrusting into me harder.  “You’re perfect.”

My legs start to tremble.  I’m keyed up so high that when I feel his knot bumping at my clit, it sends sparks through me.  He starts slamming into me harder, and I’m about to come when he suddenly stops and pulls out, panting.  I wail and scrabble to get him back.  

I feel his mouth on the back of my neck.  He bites down firm, but not hard enough to break skin.  I go boneless and melt in his arms, the same effect as when a mother cat grabs a kitten to lift it.  He waits for me to calm down before breaking his hold.

He lets go with his mouth and scoops me up to his chest.  “Shhh, Omega, I didn’t want to knot you there.” I curl up in his arms like a kitten and whimper as he carries me back to my bedroom.

He places me on the bed in the nest, and I lie face down.  He crawls over me.  I hiss at the contact of his hot skin on my back, both electric and sating.  

I tilt my ass up to him and rub against his cock as he mouths at my neck gland.  He leans on one elbow to wind his fingers in my hair and turn my head to the side so he can kiss my open mouth.

His taste explodes on my tongue.  Rich, like dark chocolate, but spicy too.  It's overpowering now that he’s in rut.  He pulls away to guide his swollen cock to my wet slit and slowly, so fucking slowly, pushes inside as his fingers dig into my hipbones.

He drives his cock inside and drags it out again.  I feel every ridge, every pulse as he splits me down the middle.  I sigh and melt like butter into the bed, his hot breath and glorious cock turning me into a wet pool on the mattress.  

Solo’s chest starts to vibrate on my back.  He’s purring.

My Alpha is pleased.  My Alpha is happy.

His cock is filling me up so good, I can’t hold back.  I thrust against him, hard.

“Patience, Omega, wait a minute.”  His voice is clipped, like he’s gritting his teeth.  

He’s trying to maintain control, but I want him to lose it.

I’m like a dog anxiously waiting for a treat, muscles twitching and primed to leap at the first word.  In this case, the treat is a seven inch, deliciously-thick Alpha cock, and I’m already skewered on it.  

I can’t wait, I gotta have it.  I roll my hips again, greedy.

“Reyyy, ” he says in his big voice as his hands clench my hip, “Naughty Omega, be still.”

My pussy flutters in obedience, another gush of slick coating him.  His low voice is too much.  I turn my head to nose under his chin.

“Please, please, please . . .” I whisper.

He bucks once and growls.  “Wait for it, I don’t wanna hurt you.  I have to pace it out.”

Breathing deep, he centers himself.  I bite my lip and close my eyes as I wait.  

When he’s ready, he starts thrusting into me, solid and strong, rattling the bed.  I moan and rock against him, tilting my ass back.  He’s setting a steady rhythm, solid and strong.

I stretch my legs long then cross my ankles to make it a tighter fit and choke his cock by pulling in on my pelvic floor.  I jump when his huge palm slaps the headboard in response and he growls.

That does it.  

He snaps and starts rutting into me so hard that I can barely catch my breath.  It feels amazing.  I plant my palms into the headboard and push back so he doesn’t fuck me into a head injury.  I’ll take it, I'll take whatever he gives me, and close my eyes to give in to the raw sensation of him fucking me senseless.

My Alpha is strong and he takes care of me.  When I'm almost out of stamina, my brain a swirl and my arms shaking from the effort, I feel his knot swell and bump up against my clit.  

I’m long past words, so I pant and cry out as my climax hits suddenly, arching my back and pulsing around his cock.  Solo thrusts faster through it and then spills inside me with a yell, imbedding his swollen knot inside to lock me to him.  He lays his forehead down on my shoulder as we catch our breaths.  He turns to kiss my neck tenderly.

He carefully rolls us onto our sides.  I lay on his bicep like a pillow as we spoon.  The happy hormones join us together just like his knot.  

Thirty minutes of peace until the slow madness builds again.

I’m sweaty, but his heat behind me fights off the chill of the room.  He pulls the sheets around us, another layer of safety and comfort that calms the Omega.

Solo takes his index and middle finger to my shoulder, then slowly walks them down my arm until he reaches my wrist.  He gently lifts it up to his lips, pressing them against the soft skin inside he inhales.

My scent gland is weaker there, but the skin is so sensitive that I get goosebumps.  His soft, warm lips drag back and forth before he holds a kiss to my pulse.  It’s soothing and sexy as fuck at the same time.

Our scents blending together.  He marks me as his.  

His.  Mine.  My Alpha.

A spike of jealousy stabs at me thinking of how many times he’s done this before.

“How many Omegas have you been with?” I ask softly.  I can’t help myself, though I’m not sure I want the answer.  

“A few,” he replies, lips still on my skin.

He doesn’t elaborate, so I fill in the silence.

“In heat?”

“Mm-hmm,” he says, kissing my wrist again.

I should drop this.  He doesn’t owe me anything.

“Did you love them?”  My voice is brittle even to my own ears.  He lowers my wrist slowly with a sigh.

“No, Rey.  My first Omega, I thought it was love at the time.  But I was wrong.  I had nothing to compare it to back then.”  

His fingertips trace back and forth on my arm.  “I know better now.”

My mind is scrambled.  Something seems important here, but I’m not understanding.  I hope I can remember it later.

I turn my head into his bicep and nuzzle in deeper.  “Good,” I say in a drowsy voice, letting it go.

“What about you, beautiful?” he asks.

“Me?  No.  I’ve never been in love before,” I say, suddenly exhausted.

His fingers stop tracing my skin.  I reach my hand up to catch his, and wrap it around my waist, to pull him closer.  

“I never met anyone I trusted enough to love.”  Omega whispers Mine again, but I don’t say it.

I wind our fingers together and look down.  His hand is huge, but mine fits inside it perfectly.

We’re a good match.

I exhale and close my eyes, pulling his hand over my heart.  He holds me tightly as his cock pulses inside me, and he snuggles into the pillow.

We spoon together, warm in my nest, until sleep takes us over.

Chapter Text

I must’ve been asleep for awhile.  My eyelid cracks open reluctantly as I blink against the clear midday light.  Sunk in a groggy fog, my limbs feel like they’re made of stone. From where I lie on my stomach on the bed, heat-drunk, I can hear rhythmic sounds and labored breaths from the corner.   

Solo’s Alpha scent has deepened to a mouth-watering umami of smoke and spice, the final sign he’s in full rut.  I can taste him, rich and thick on the roof of my mouth. His scent is blending with the smell of my bedroom, and my brain ties him up with safety and home.  Comfort.

I follow the sounds and see Solo jogging in place in only his briefs, fists pumping with each jump.

“Why are you . . . why?” I ask, sleepy and confused.  

“Takes the edge off the rut,” he says, puffing.  “Wanted you to rest.”

I blink at him and smile lazily, content to watch him.  Then the burning need ignites in my core and my skin feels like it’s on fire because he’s not touching me.    

He drops suddenly and starts doing push-ups.  The rippled muscles of his back twitch and his scapula slide back and forth like sharks under the water.  He starts clapping on the up, his biceps bulging to catch his weight on the down. He huffs and puffs.

He’s so strong and beautiful.  A perfect Alpha.

I slip out of the covers to slink closer.

He stops and holds a high plank.  I see a drop of sweat track down his spine, carved deep into the ridge of his muscled back.  I lean forward on instinct and lick it off.

I fit my small hands into the divots on the side of his tight ass and squeeze.  He grunts as I track my hands up his waist to his shoulders. I carefully crawl up onto his back, anxious to get as much contact with his skin as I can manage.   

Solo’s arms are shaking from the exertion.  His skin is hot and slick. My arms wrap around his chest as my peaked nipples dig into his back.  I lay my cheek on his mating gland and he moans. I sigh, my skin singing.

His.  Your Alpha.  Home. Safe.

“C’mere.  I want that energy,”  I whisper in his ear, as I paw at his cock.

He lowers down until my knees hit the ground and I’m left straddling his ass.  I scrape my fingernails down his back and watch the red stripes mark up his pale skin with a greedy sense of pride.   Mine.

Solo growls and his arms whip around to grab me by the waist, dragging me down to the floor as I squeal and laugh.  He catches me on my side and pulls me to his chest, facing him.

“You want it, Omega?” he says in a husky voice, playful.  He nibbles at my neck as I rub against him. “You want more?”

The Omega voice starts to chant.  

More.  More. More.

I nod and hold his head to my neck as he nips and sucks on my swollen gland.  It makes me gush with pleasure, my thighs sliding as I push up into him and whine.  “God, yes.”

He lets go to stand up suddenly, hulking over me.  Solo’s eyes pin me down as he slides his hands under his waistband to drop his briefs slowly and his hardened cock springs free.  

His dark eyes watch me spring up on my knees to grab it, polishing it between my palms.  He exhales when I open my mouth and drag his velvet tip back and forth on the flat plane of my tongue.  I meet his gaze as his lips part and his huge hand cups the back of my head.

A drop of precum forms then falls in my mouth, a salty teaser of his Alpha goodness.

More.  More. More.

I suck him in and bob my head up and down his length until he grasps my shoulders so he can stumble back.  “ Fuck, Omega.”  He kneels down and I smile and fall back on my forearms to open my legs for him.

He crawls over me like a shadow over the moon, then lowers his hips down on me.  I coat him in my slick and he looks down to watch how wet I am for him.

Brushing strands of hair away from his face, my thumbs circle his cheekbones.  He’s carrying most of his weight on his arms, but he’s still massive. I’m trapped under him, caged in by his flesh.  

I feel the slick drip down my thighs at the thought of all his Alpha power and everything he could do to me.  My Omega is desperate for him.

I roll my hips at him, and he grunts.  He puts his chin down between my breasts and kisses the gap.  He traces a line from nipple to nipple with his soft, wet lips and tongue as I tilt my hips up, trying to get him inside me.  

More.  More. More.

He stops and drops his chin on my chest, peering up at me like a puppy dog.

I frown back at him.  “What’re you doing?” I ask, squirming.

“Looking at you,” he says and slides up to kiss the tip of my nose.  

“Why?”  I huff out as my fingers claw at his hips, trying to draw him closer.

“You’re hot,” he says.  I scrunch up my nose. “And cute when you’re mad.”

In retaliation, I arch my back and press my tits up into his chest, making him groan.

“Knot, then talk,” I bark out, rocking my hips up to him.  

He eyes me until I reach up to kiss him, his tongue slipping in.  I drown in his taste and wind my fingers into his hair and tug.

He breaks the kiss with a grunt.  “Slow down, kitten.” He takes my wrists and firmly pins my hands by my head.

I shake my head and growl.  “No, need it.”

“I know, Omega.  Be a good girl. Wait.”

He pushes his cock against my slit, sliding up and down in my slick.  I moan when he dips his mouth down to my neck and kisses me, then finds my scent gland and starts to suck and nip again on my tender flesh.

I buck up my hips.

More.  More. More.

“Solo, I’m going to die if you don’t knot me right now.”

He lifts up and reads my face intently.  “Okay, baby, I got you.”

Keeping my hands pinned, he moves to line up the head of his cock at my entrance.  I lift my bent knees up to my shoulders to roll out the red carpet for him.

He presses in slow and hot.  The crazy Omega whispers in my head hush as he fills me to the brim, stopping only when his hip bones dig into my ass.   

I can’t move, pinned down by his cock.  I close my eyes and bliss out.

Safe.  Home. My Alpha.

He kisses my cheeks and forehead, the tender skin under my brow and my temples, as his fingers twine with mine by my head.

I squeeze in on my pelvic floor to give his cock a hug, and he groans.  I like the sound, so I do it again.

“ Fuck, ” he says, and gives his hips a small thrust, his control starting to slip.

“ More, ” I whisper, rolling my hips, and he squeezes my wrists to stay me.

I look at him and see the look of concentration pulling his face tight, his lips pressed into a straight line.  He’s holding back, I can tell.

He doesn’t have to.

“Fuck me, Alpha.”  It’s more than permission, it’s a plea.

He growls again when I flex my hips and contract around him.  

“Rey, I’m in rut, you gotta slow down,” he grits out.  “Let me pace it out.”

I roll my hips again, and he lets go of one wrist to grab the back of my thigh and push it up to my shoulder.  He digs into my cunt deeper, and I keen.

My loose hand reaches around and slaps his ass, hard.

His eyes flicker open in surprise, then he sets his jaw.  His voice lowers an octave, and he starts in with his bossy voice, “ Omega, you will--”

I slap his ass again hard, before he can stop me.  “Gimme,” I say, bratty.

His control wavers and he pulls his hips back and slams into me so hard I gasp.  That’s what I want. I smile up at him as his fingers curl around my thigh.

“Be a good girl.”  He pumps into me again and my body rocks with his thrust.  I’m a rag doll and I love it.

“Yes, Alpha.”  I babble. “Please.”

He lets go of me and plants his forearms down on the floor to fuck me like it’s his mission.  I pull both knees up to get him in nice and deep.

Solo bites his lower lip and a rumble builds low in his throat as he drives into me.  My hands cup his jaw as I stare at him. His pace quickens and my skin prickles at his hot breath on my  mouth.

He pulls out of me suddenly, and I cry out and grab at him.  “Up, Omega” he orders, and I scramble to standing. He lifts me like I’m nothing and puts me on the bed.

“All fours,” he says, dragging my hips back to the edge.  The back of his hands push my sticky thighs apart, arranging me how he wants me.

He sinks back in, and we both moan.  My cunt is soaking and swollen, the heat hormones ripening it like a peach, and it feels incredible.  His pace picks up again, rocking me and the bed with every thrust.

His fingers find my clit and circle.  I lower my forehead down to the bed and close my eyes, lost in just feeling him.

“Fucking perfect.  Sweet cunt,” he murmurs.  “ All mine. ”

His Alpha talk sends me soaring, quick to agree.  “Yours, yours.”

“Greedy girl, gonna teach you manners, kitten.”  He slaps my ass, sharp and tart. It’s not praise, but it’s just as hot and I clench around him.   

“Please, Alpha.”  Teach me, oh God, please teach me.

He drags my hips back with every snap to amp up the friction.  The wet sounds of our bodies slapping fills the room, sloppy and delicious.  My nipples rub against the sheets, the fabric rough against my sensitive flesh, and I push up with straight arms.

He crawls up on the bed behind me, pushing me forward so he can hulk over me.  His hot skin on my back is electric. I arch up to push against him.

I never want this feeling to end.  I’m worked up and desperate, my walls closing down on him and sucking him deeper, and I flip my hair over my shoulder.  I’m babbling nonsense when he abruptly stops, panting.

He kisses my right upper arm, where the tan mark is.  A sense of peace and euphoria falls over me, like wrapping up in a warm blanket.

“No, baby, I can’t.  Not now, like this.”

I blink, confused.   What?  What did I say?  

He moves his mouth to carefully hover over my mating gland.  I freeze perfectly still as he takes a deep inhale. I feel his tongue dart out and lick it lightly.

It’s like an electric current shoots through me, and suddenly I’m coming so hard I scream.  

He pumps into me fast and erratic until he bursts, his thick knot notching inside as I pulse around him.  

The calm peace of the hormones sweeps over us, the sense that everything is beautiful and right in the world.  The wet stripe where he licked my gland cools in the air. His mouth settles on the back of my neck just inches away, and I soften like a kitten.  We melt down into the bed together as his large body curves around me.

Solo moves my hair out of the way so his mouth slots at the base of my shoulder and neck.  He’s so close, it would be easy for him to bite me there, mark and mate me. This doesn’t have to end.  I want it, I think. I don’t know.

But Solo doesn’t.  

He reaches around for my water bottle and helps me drink.  Then he picks at the food on the side table, sharing bites with me, as the wave of endorphins washes over us.

+++

There’s this moment when you’re falling asleep at night, head nodding forward and eyelids heavy, when your mind hovers on the brink of conscious thought and dreamland.  

You could fight that transition, wake yourself up.  Struggle against your biological needs, keep a firm grasp on your rational mind.  

Or you could give in.  Close your eyes and relax.  Trust your body to know what it needs.  Let it all go as you float away and accept the inevitable feeling of giving in.

Being with Solo is like that.  

We sink into a lazy haze of fucking and cuddling.  His rut flares and rises to meet my heat, and our pheromones swirl together in a cloud so thick I swear I can see it.

It’s just us now.  I have no other thought but him.  

I lose count of how many times he makes me come with his mouth, his hands, his cock.  His gentle praise soothes me to sleep after he tangles me up on his knot, feeding me bites of food with his thick fingers like a mama bird.

Falling into a rhythm with him is so easy, it’s as natural as breathing.

He takes care of me, and I follow him like a good little Omega.  My heat-heightened senses pick up on his mood and cues, and we don’t even have to speak anymore.  Our bodies communicate on their own through looks and sighs. His big hands place me where he wants me to be, and my body is more than willing to obey.

Even deep in rut he puts me first.  When he’s on the edge of control he stops, his big voice freezing me until he regains it.  He knows when I can take it and when I can’t. He seems to know my body better than I do now.

I’m a mess of hormones and need as I surrender to biology.  Time slips and slides, and it’s already dark out when I wrap my legs around his waist as he sits on the edge of the bed.

His hungry eyes track my face for every reaction.  Fingers move to my clit, and I moan and close my eyes as I surrender to the overwrought nerves.  I lean my head back to offer my neck, and he nuzzles my scent gland and nips.

When he catches my eyes again, I comb fingers in the hair above his temples and pull his mouth to mine.  His kisses are coded messages, every movement of his lips has meaning now. We speak through touch.

I’m so wet still, I’ve soaked through all the towels he’s brought in, my slick and his cum blending together once again at the joining of our bodies.

He stares at me as he makes me come again.  I pull back to moan and gasp into his mouth as he eats up every sound I make.  A smile of wonder pulls up the corner of his mouth. I hold onto him as I shudder and quake around his cock.

“Perfect,” he whispers, kissing my jaw.  “My baby.”

Omega trills.

I’m exhausted and drenched when it’s over, pitching forward to lay my head on his shoulder as he rocks me in his lap.  He strokes my hair and back as I come down. I must be a sight to see, two days-worth of fucking sticking to my skin in a sheen.

I feel his knot swell but I can barely move, a boneless mess on his shoulder.  Solo wraps his arms around my back tightly to stand and we’re suddenly moving.

He sets me down on coltish legs in my bathroom and pulls out.  There’s a surge of absolute grief at his loss and a sad, pitiful Omega cry leaves my throat without thinking.

“Shh, I’m here,” he soothes as he bends down to start the water for a bath.

Solo inspects the bottles that line the tub and pours in a little epsom salt and lavender essential oil.  He lights a candle and then turns the lights down low and guides me to step into the tub with him.

I can still feel his knot pressing into the small of my back as I lay on his chest.  He ignores it. He lifts up our hands and threads our fingers together before wrapping them across my chest in a hug.

I close my eyes and float with him.  It’s warm and dark. In the quiet of my bathroom, I hear the water lapping at the tub edge as we move.  His chest vibrates beneath me in a purr.

Sleep is chasing me when Omega whispers in my ear.

Safe.

Mine.

His.

Love.

I jerk awake.

His arms tighten around me, soothing.  I feel my cheeks flush as I blink in the low light and shift my hips.  

This is just the heat talking.  That’s what Omega wants, us mated and me pregnant.

Right?

I’m not sure anymore.  I can’t tease the strands apart in my mind, where Omega ends and I begin.

Solo wraps me up tighter and I relax and lean back, letting the thought wash away in the water.  It feels so good to just be.

He scoots me down to wet my hair, pouring shampoo in and massaging my scalp.  My lids sink down, it feels good and I’m so tired. He catches a tangle and I hiss.

“Sorry, babe.”  He gives a peck to my temple.  He cups water with his huge palms to rinse out the bubbles.

The warm water feels good.  He’s still pressing at my back as he slowly softens.  I try to turn to him, reaching down to touch him, but he stops me, shaking his head.

“But you . . .” I start.

“Rest.”  He’s firm.  I give up easily, turning my cheek to rest on his chest, my palm pressing on his pectoral where it rises from the water.  My drowsy eyes close and it feels like we’re floating together, weightless.

“What happens tomorrow?”  I murmur.

“More of this.  Then your heat will break first, probably.  My rut will taper off after. Then we sleep for about fourteen hours straight.”  He chuckles.

“Mmmm.”  It sounds wonderful, all of it.

“Afterwards, you probably won’t want to look at me for a few days.”

His tone makes me snap my eyes open.  I sit up and turn. His face is long and serious, brown eyes sad again.  “It’s just natural after a heat. It’s intense,” says, quietly.

I study his mournful face, reaching out to trace his lower lip with my fingertip.  Then I stare back as he watches me.

We don’t speak.  I lean in and kiss him, taking his plush lip in my mouth.  It’s salty and sweet, just like him. I can’t imagine not wanting that.

We kiss tenderly until the water grows cold and my heat kicks up again.  He wraps me up in a towel like a burrito as I shiver, twisting another around his own waist, and throws me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.  

He runs us to the kitchen to grab another plate of food from the fridge as I giggle and protest, telling him to put me down.   

He won’t.  He kicks the fridge closed and microwaves the plate with me perched on his shoulder, rocking side to side and tapping out the final ten seconds on my toweled ass.

When it beeps he takes the plate of food in one hand and grabs my thighs with the other and runs us back to the bedroom.  He dumps me on the bed in a squirming tumble. We feast on the food, and each other, until we get our fill.

We fall asleep locked together again under a pile of blankets, sated and full.  

Nesting just like biology demands, as easy as breathing.

Chapter Text

Sunday passes by in a blur as our cycles overtake us.  

We’re puppets dangling on the strings of Mother Nature, neither of us strong enough to resist the pull.  Our bodies slot together perfectly, like they were made to do.

His knot is addicting.  The minute he slips loose and my lucidity fades, I start jonesing for another hit.

Solo has me in every room of my apartment, staking his Alpha claim and leaving microscopic traces everywhere.  He practically rolls on his back on my carpet to spread his scent around, it’s ridiculous. I’ll be scrubbing his essence off for weeks.  It’s gonna drive me mad, maybe it’s easier to move.

Our combined chemical cocktail cloaks my bedroom in a heady fog of sex, and he surrounds me like I’m bathing in him.  Solo has to crack a window to taper it off or it’ll whip us into more of a frenzy. I swear I can hear the neighborhood dogs howling right along with us.

My brain is jumbled in the fog of heat.  It’s a blur of taste, and touch, and scent.  Even colors look more vibrant when he’s touching me, the food he feeds me more delicious.  My skin vibrates with his touch, screaming for more, give me more!

Singular moments stand out in the haze, like snapshots caught in time.

He’s on the bed knotted behind me, twisting strands of my hair on his long fingers.  His deep hum rattles in my chest, and I drift off to sleep smiling.

His huge hands span my waist, thumbs circling my hip bones as he lifts me up and down in his lap, my hands clinging to his firm shoulders as he calls me his good girl.

My thighs hug his waist and my own voice begs him to break the skin as he pins me to his chest, lips locked on my neck.  He won’t do it, and I wail.

By evening, we stop talking, our voices hoarse from all the moaning.  I’m so sensitized and attuned to him, I can close my eyes and feel what he wants me to do.  I’ve never felt this connection with anyone. I can’t tell where he ends and I begin anymore.

I drift in and out of my heat haze.  Late Sunday night, I become lucid again as I’m bent over my kitchen table.  His thrusts rattle the glasses in the cabinet and the tea kettle starts a high-pitched scream that covers my moans.  Solo knots me with a groan while I’m still coming on his cock. He kisses my shoulder blade before gingerly seating me in his lap.  Solo feeds me bites of chicken, chin hooked over my shoulder. I match his deep purrs as I lick his fingers clean, one by one.

+++

Then just like that, it’s over.  

Not a fade, but a sharp line.  I go to sleep in heat, and wake up myself again.  Just Rey.

Cracking open an eyelid, I know the itchy hunger is gone.  The early Monday sunlight filters through the blinds and the world gradually moves from black and white to technicolor.

I’m on my side in the cradle of his arms, his bare chest pressing against my back.  I’m safe, cocooned in his heat. He’s a furnace, and my skin sticks to his.

When I move to roll over, he grunts in his sleep and squeezes me in displeasure.  His nose nuzzles into my hair and the warm puff of his sigh lifts tendrils from my neck.

I touch his hip and rub soothing circles.  It wakes him just enough so I can roll over to face him.  He’s half hard and his cock pushes into my belly as we re-adjust, warm and sleepy in the morning light, burrowing deeper into the covers.

I press my nose in his breastbone, lips tasting skin.  I feel loose limbed and worn out, like I’ve just run a marathon.  My thighs are coated and sticky, and I don’t even want to know what I smell like.  Mostly him, I think.

But still, I feel good.  Satisfied and soft.

My head is quiet as I wake up in his arms.  Omega is locked away again. It’s off-putting and kinda lonely to be the only one in control.  

I’m surprised by a sudden swell of grief and a deep ache in my chest.  I dig my fingers into the muscles of his back as I try to process the emotions.  Maz mentioned a post-heat hormonal let down before, but I’m not prepared for this.  I didn’t expect to openly weep in an Alpha’s arms.

I start to sniffle and blink, rubbing my forehead into Solo’s shoulder to tamp back the tears.  After a few moments, his hands come alive, stroking my back and lowering to cup my ass and lift me into him.

“Morning, babe,” he rumbles in my ear as his hips flex.  He picks up on my emotions and draws back to look at me with drowsy eyes.  He combs my hair away from my face, his thumb resting on my jaw.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say stupidly, looking down as my lip trembles.  

He brushes his knuckles along my cheek as he catches my eyes.  I see worry morph into understanding, and then the sadness is back again.  He knows.

For a frantic moment I think I can fake it.  Pretend I’m still in the throes of heat, keep him a little while longer.  But of course that’s foolish. My scent would give me away, it already has.

Solo leans down and presses his lips to my forehead tenderly, as if checking my temperature.  I shiver and he holds me closer.

My confused emotions swirl.  I’m sad, but also want to be alone, but can’t seem to let him go.  It’s a muddy tangle.

Finally he mumbles, “rest,” in my ear and releases me to slip out of bed.  My eyes rake down his body as he bends down to scoop up a towel and wrap it around his waist.  There’s a spike of unreasonable anguish at him hiding away from me.

He’s no longer mine.

Solo throws a closed mouth smile over his shoulder as he walks to the bathroom.  The door closes and the shower turns on.

I curl into a ball in the center of the bed and the sobs shake my shoulders.  I’ve never felt so alone in my life. The emotional fallout of the weekend hits me full force as the bed grows cold without him.

+++

I have a good cry then try to pull myself together.  

My hormones are seesawing, the inverse of the bonding chemicals that flushed my system all weekend.  I have to balance out again and regulate, it’s part of the process.

Solo puts on the same clothes from Friday night.  I wrap up tight in a terrycloth robe and throw my hair up in a messy bun.  He offers to make me eggs, but I’ve lost my appetite.

We sit across the table from each other and smile shyly over coffee.  He just draped me over this same table last night, but now it feels foreign and awkward.  My fingernails scratch at my old college mug. Solo looks uncomfortable, too.

What do you say to a man after he’s fucked you senseless for four days, but you barely know him?  Thank you?

I clear my throat as my eyes dip and dive.  “So, what’re you doing this week?”

He exhales slowly.  “Well, gotta take a barre class or two.”

I smile, a crooked grin that matches his.  His scar is thin and fading, barely a tan stripe now.

“And run bootcamp, of course.  Hux is covering for me today.”

I nod at my coffee.  There’s a lull. I can tell he’s looking at me, but I keep my gaze down.  My stomach is roiling, and I can’t land on any one emotion.

“And, not to brag or anything, but I kinda have a hot date.”

My eyebrows rise as I peek up at him.  “Oh, really?”

He’s looking at me intently, with a gentle smile.  “Yeah. She’s gorgeous, and sexy as hell, and intimidating because she’s so smart, but I think I got her number, so I’m not worried.”

“Hmm.”  I feel little bubbles of joy rising through the sad pit of my stomach.  “Do tell me more.”

Solo leans an elbow forward on the table, conspiratorially.  “Well, I’m going to take her to a really nice restaurant. One we have to dress up for.  Then, we’re going to have a wonderful meal and I’m going to ask her questions. I’m just gonna listen to her all night long, cause I love hearing her talk.  Then, if I’m lucky, she’ll let me kiss her goodnight.”

I bite the side of my lip to keep my grin from bursting through, my skin all tingly and stomach doing flips.  “That’s it? Just a kiss?”

He sits back, looking affronted.  “What do you take me for, woman?! This is a first date!”

The laughter rips out of me, shaking me in my seat.  When I catch my breath he’s giving me an easy smile.

“Plus, I have a secret weapon if I need to use it.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah.”  Solo crooks a finger for me to come closer.  I lean in and turn my ear so he can whisper in it.

“I know all the places that drive her wild now.  I have them memorized. Like this tiny spot right behind her ear.”

His warm lips hit my skin, and I melt like butter in a hot pan.  My eyes drift close as he kisses me slow.

Oh, damn, he does.

I pull back and bat my eyes at him, bashful all of a sudden.  He gets up and walks to the sink and starts filling it to do the dishes.  

“It’s okay, Solo, I got it.”  I rise to shoo him away from the sink, a sudden territorial urge to care for my own place.

He looks at me for a moment and steps back.  “I don’t mind, but if that’s what you want?”

“Yeah, I got it.”  I feel the need to assert myself again and regain control.  I can take care of myself, always have and always will. I don’t need anyone, I’m not weak.

“You probably need to get home.  I’ll be fine,” I reassure him, stacking plates.

He sticks his hands in his pockets as he watches me.  “Okay. Call me later, if you want. For any reason or no reason.”

I nod, then walk with him to my door.  I unlock it and he leans down and kisses my cheek softly.  

“I’ll pick you up Wednesday night, okay?”

I smile and bite my lip.  I want to be alone, but I miss him already.  The push-pull is confusing as hell.

As my door closes behind him, the silence of the room is like a weight on my chest.

+++

I spend the rest of the day doing laundry and cleaning, trying to wipe away as many traces of the weekend that I can.  

First the kitchen, scrubbing every dish and washing every surface.  Then vacuuming and dusting, opening up all the windows and running lime essential oil in my diffuser to clear the air.

I strip the bed and wash everything twice.  I try to shove my bed frame back in place and clean up broken glass from the lamp.  

Everything is fresh and clean, except his pillowcase.  That I fold carefully and save in a ziplock bag, just in case.  

By mid-afternoon, I’m exhausted.  I haven’t eaten, just drank water.  I run a hot bath and add epsom salt for my sore muscles.  I light candles and try to meditate as I soak, centering myself around my breath.  All I want is to feel attuned to my body again and unbraid these emotions.

My thoughts keep coming back to Solo.  His touch, his smell, and I can feel a deep ache in my bones of loneliness.  It’s a longing I haven’t felt since I was a child alone in a new foster home.

When I step onto the bathmat and wrap myself in a clean towel, I suddenly drop to my knees.  I gasp as a sharp pain lances straight into my gut.

The sharp pain stops and my hand and arm throb and sting.  Something is wrong.  Very, very wrong.  I break out in a sweat as a wave of nausea rolls through me, and my hands start to shake.  I need help.

Another strong pain spikes through me and I moan.  I have to see Maz, right away.

I crawl on hands and knees into my bedroom and reach up for my phone on the bedside table.  There’s only one person I think of to call.

I lean back against the wall and dial Solo, pulling the towel around me tight and shaking.

On the fourth ring, he answers.

“Hello?”  I can tell by his weak voice that he’s sick, too.  My heart drops.

What is happening to us?

Chapter Text

“Solo, are you sure you can drive?”

“Yes, I’m on my way.”

His Alpha bravado makes me sigh.  I’m curled up like a shrimp on my floor, wet hair dripping down my back as I huddle under a towel.  The trembling won’t stop.

Somehow his voice makes it better, though.

“I don’t want you to get in an accident, that would be worse!”

“I’m coming to get you, babe, and we’re going to the doctor.  End of story.”

“Has this ever happened to you before after a heat?”

There’s a pause as his own sickness takes his breath away.  Then he groans. “Never.”

That strangely makes me feel better.  “I’ll call Maz, she’ll fit us in.”

His voice is tight in my ear as it must slip between gritted teeth.  “No, the hospital. We can’t fuck around with this.”

I whine, panicked.  “No, please, Maz will help us!  They’ll just drug us up in an E.R., and I won’t take that poison!”

He growls, but gives in.  “Okay.”

“I need to hang up to call her.”

“No, don’t.  Stay with me.”  I can tell by his voice he isn’t just being protective.  He needs to hear me as much as I need to hear him.

“Just for a minute, then I’ll call back.”

He growls again.  “Right back.”

“Okay.”

I hang up and dial Maz.  Her receptionist hears how bad off I am and puts me on hold to go get her.  Some smooth jazz starts up in my ear.

A deep pain lances through my gut as a saxophone solo wails.  I want to die, right here on my carpet, just put me me out of my misery.

I inch over to my closet and reach for the first thing I can grab, a long jersey sundress.  I pull it off the hanger and drop the phone to slip it on. I don’t bother with a bra or underwear, I’m in too much agony to care.  The skirt bunches around my hips and I lie down to unfurl it.

Maz comes on the line, voice full of concern.  “Rey, dear, are you there?”

“Maz!”  I cry but assure her I’m okay and that Solo’s coming to get me.  She tells me to come straight in and to focus on my breath and use peppermint oil for the nausea.

I’m about to dial Solo back when there’s a sudden banging at my front door.

“Rey!  Rey, open up!”

I leave the phone because I need both hands to crawl.  I’m shaking so badly that it takes me forever to go a few feet, and the long sundress tangles my legs.

“Solo,”  I murmur, all my strength focused on moving one hand in front of the other.

“Rey!”  He bellows in my hallway, and I flinch.  I’ve just turned the corner when there’s a thunderous bang.

My front door splinters open, the door jam split by Solo’s boot.  He’s panting like a maniac, eyes wide with terror, and he spots me on the floor.

I gasp out a sob and he runs to me, sliding on his knees to collect me into his lap.

My arms loop around his shoulders as I nuzzle into his neck, my salty tears soaking his collar.  I’m trembling like a leaf and he starts to shush me and rub my back.  We scent each other and slowly the tide of panic recedes. It’s better, so much better now that he’s here.

He manages to scoop me up as I cling to him and he seats us on the sofa.  “Babe,” he says and I hum back at him.  “We need to go see Maz.”

I nod into his neck.  “Not yet.”  I just want to be held and have him rock me.  He must think the same thing, because he leans back.  I listen to a deep, rumbling purr vibrate from his chest, making me sleepy and calm.

I don’t know how long he holds me.  My heartbeat slows down and the tremors stop.  My lips find his neck and it’s enough to just breathe him in and taste him as he pets my hair.  He’s so warm and solid, I want to curl into him like a sleeping bag.

“We have to go,” he says finally.  I know he's right, we need help.

“Shoes. Wallet.”  It’s all I can manage. I’m drowsy in his arms and I don’t want to let go.

He untangles himself, reluctantly for both of us.  My Birkenstocks are by the door and my bag on a hook.  He disappears to my bedroom and comes back with my phone.

He and I eye the front door.  I guess I won’t need my keys.

Solo looks sheepish.  “Sorry ‘bout that. You have a super?  Somebody who can fix it?”

I tell him the name and he finds him in my phone and sends a text.  The phone pings back almost immediately.  “Ok, he’s on his way to fix it,” he says.  

He lifts me up again, ignoring my feeble protests that I can walk.  “No fucking way.”

“But you’re sick too.”

“Not anymore.”  He carries me down two flight of stairs and out to his truck.

On the short drive to Maz’s, I curl around his side with my head on his shoulder.  Only his touch makes it bearable.

----------------------

“So this is the Alpha I’ve been hearing so much about.”  

Maz pushes her thick glasses up her nose as she suppresses a smile.  I can tell she likes him. Her poker face isn’t that great when it comes to men.

Compared to him, she seems miniature.  Solo towers over her, looking a mess. His shaggy waves are unkempt and his goatee is thicker from the weekend with me.  His black sweats and grey t-shirt hug his muscles in all the right ways, but also emphasize the bags under his eyes. Maz’s tiny frame and grey, wispy bun make her look like a little doll next to him.

“Nice to meet you, Ma’am.”

Maz’s smile lifts at his manners.  Then she looks at me. “Oh, ma chere, you look like hell again,” she clucks and walks over.

Solo stands next to me as I lie on the examination table.  I explain about my breakthrough heat on Friday, blushing as I tell her we spent the weekend together, while she takes my temperature and pulse.

Maz listens then peers through her coke-bottle glasses at the scar on my right arm.

“What is this, love?”  Her hands gingerly hold my bicep up for inspection as she turns my arm back and forth.

“I dunno.  It happened Friday when the heat started, some kind of electric shock.”

Her eyes dart to mine, sharp as knives.  “Shock. How?”

I look to Solo.  “We touched at his studio and there was a spark.  I don’t know how.”

Maz turns slowly to look at Solo.  He crosses his arms over his chest and nods, curious and solemn.  She squints up at his face and lifts a pointer finger slowly.

“And you?  How did you get that scar?”

He clears his throat and his eyes shift to me.  “Same thing. We were touching. Later on.”

My cheeks flush hotter when I remember how I grabbed his hip as he pounded into me from behind.  I remember exactly how hard he was touching me when that one happened.

“I think I know what this is.”

We both turn to Maz, surprised.  “I’m going to make you both a tea to help with the symptoms.  I’ll be right back.”

She scurries out of the room and leaves us alone.

Solo sits down next to the bed and reaches for my hand.  I let him twine our fingers. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.  It’s been hardest on you.”

I blink fast at his kindness.  I turn my head to the door so he won’t see the tears start up again as I squeeze his hand.  He must think I’m a pathetic crying mess, which I’m really not. My hormones are all over the map.

Finally I say, “I just don’t know what’s happening to me anymore.  I’m usually in sync with my body, but now I feel like I’m at war with it.  I'm a disaster.”

He strokes my hand.  “I like you just the way you are, you don’t have to pretend with me.  But maybe Maz can help.”

“What if.”  I pause. “What if she says this is happening because we shouldn’t be together?  What if it’s some kind of sign?”

He cuts me off.  “Then I wouldn’t believe her.”

Maz returns with two mugs and hands them to us.

“This is just a little soothing tea.  It’s cinnamon, verbena, St. John’s Wort, and clove.  You can take it every four hours.”

She turns to reach into a cabinet and grabs a huge book, then drags a stool up closer to plop the book on the table.  

“How much do you two know about natural medicine and the history of designations?”

We shake our head in unison.  Basically nothing.

“For as long as there’s been human history, there has been the science of managing heats and mating cycles.  For betas it’s simple, contraception, etc. For Alphas and Omegas, it’s more complex. Different cycles and biology require more finesse.”

Some of this is familiar stuff.  Solo seems interested and leans closer.

“Some of the earliest written records of cycle management come from ancient Egypt.  Of course, back then they thought worshipping different gods or offering sacrifices would give them the desired outcomes.  But they also recorded the herbs they used to lessen heats, or in some cases, to initiate them.”

I nod, but I don’t get what this has to do with me.

“But what I think you will find fascinating is the record coming from Ancient China, a short time later.  A story of the youngest princess of the Emperor and her bodyguard.”

Maz flips through the old text and pulls up an ancient painting.  There’s a stylized young girl reaching out a hand to a soldier, and a sunburst is painted around their touch.

“See, he was part of the imperial guard and was an Alpha.  He helped the young Omega princess into her coach, their hands touched and then . . .”

The next photo is the same couple, both dressed in red formal costumes, with a silk cloth wrapped around their wrists.  On each of their cheeks are matching thin, red scars.

I snap up to look at Maz, heart racing.

“It was extremely rare even then.  The Chinese believed the lunar god of marriage created the bond, and it was called the ‘red thread of fate.’  The Buddhists called it ‘bonded by the life force,’ and in Africa it was finding ‘a starmate,’ since the stars must align correctly.  The ancient Greeks called them ‘twin flames,’ separated into two bodies, and the Jews called them heavenly marriages, or finding your ‘bashert.’”

Maz puts her hand on my knee and looks at me kindly.  “So although it may be incredibly rare, it’s a historically-documented phenomenon across the world.”

Solo clears his throat.  “You’re talking about soul mates, then.”

Maz nods solemnly at him.  “Or Heartstruck, that’s yet another term.”  

My heartbeat is pounding in my ears, and I let go of Solo’s hand and put down my tea so I can rub my temples.  My brain tries to wrap around her words. This can’t be happening.

“That’s crazy, Maz.  This can’t exist. Those are just fairy tales.”

Maz shrugs.  “They may be called fairy tales, but what they explain is something real and documented.  This type of bond is extremely rare, but it has a foundation in biology, not magic. It’s based on extreme compatibility between two partners.”

Partners.  Mates. The only Alpha and Omega mates I saw were my mother and father, and they ripped each other to shreds for years.  Mating means being miserable.

“If we’re so compatible, then why am I so sick?”

“You only got sick when you parted.  He didn’t mate you this weekend, did he?”

The fuzzy memories of me begging him to bite me flood back.  Did he? I don’t actually know. With nervous hands, I push my hair away from neck and hunt around for a mark.  “Did you? Did you bite me?”

Solo looks like I slapped him.  His eyes are wounded and mouth parted in shock.  “What the hell, Rey?! How could you think that? I wouldn’t do that to you!”

I flinch.  I didn’t think he would, but I don’t know anymore.  I can’t remember. The weekend was a blur and I wasn’t in control.  This wasn’t my choice, none of this was.

Mated and bonded and without a choice.  I feel my chest clench in panic. This all means one thing, I’m not in control.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember!  And I know I begged you to do it. My body isn’t even mine anymore!”

Maz takes a step closer to calm me.  “Breathe, child. I asked because it means you are sick because you bonded, but he didn’t mate.  It’s just separation anxiety.  It will fade now that you are together.”

My throat is hoarse, I feel like I’m choking, and I look back to Solo who’s studying me with his own sad eyes.  “But we aren’t together! We haven’t even gone on a first date yet! I was going to ask him, when this mark . . . and the heat . . . and everything- “

The emotional fallout of the weekend flares, and I fall apart.  The thought of committing for life without a choice is overwhelming.  I’m terrified, not of Solo, but of this. I drop my head in my hands and sob.

Maz shushes me and rubs my back while Solo hovers nearby but doesn’t touch me.  “I know, ma chere, it’s a lot to take in.” She lets me cry for a few minutes then hands me a tissue as I sniffle.  I look over at Solo.

He’s standing in the corner, arms crossed and looking down, pale.  I realize with a snap that he’s in this with me, too. He’s probably just as unhappy at being forced together as I am.

I find my voice, small as it is.  “What do we do now?”

Maz sighs as she considers.  “Well. There are several options.  First is easiest. If you know you want to be bonded, you mate each other.  Mating marks are a claim, so that means no more separation anxiety. Problem solved.”

I stiffen and look to Solo.  His expression doesn’t change.

“Now, if this is something you don’t want, I can try to investigate if the bond can be reduced or broken.  I’d need some samples from Mr. Solo to run genetic tests. It’s rare, and powerful, but it’s based on biology, which means biology may hold the answer for untangling it.”

I take that in, feeling confused.  My body is sending me messages that my brain can’t decipher.  I’m terrified to be mated, but something about breaking the bond with Solo makes me feel sick.  But that’s what I want, right? To be back in control? Unbonded?

“What happens in the meantime?”

“Well, in the meantime you spend a lot of time with each other.  As much as you can. You should only be apart for a couple of hours, at most, and make sure to leave scented clothes with each other.  Only proximity will keep the symptoms fully at bay. Of course I’ll give you some teas and supplements to help ease the symptoms.”

I wrap and unwrap my hands in my lap.  It doesn’t feel real. Why me? Why us?  It seems so unfair to be thrust into this when I just decided to date him.  I like him a lot, more than any guy I’ve dated, but I don’t want to commit before we even know each other.

He must be mulling it over, too, because he speaks up.

“What is the electricity?  Will it come back?” Solo’s voice is low and rough.

Maz tilts her head.  “No. That’s what’s intriguing about you two, you have a rarer bond even for soulmates!  You have the secondary presentation. Instead of instantly marking each other, your marks grew with the bond.  So her hand hurt first, then you each marked the other when your heart was turned.”

Her words sink in.  I look to him and blush furiously.  His heart was turned when I took his hand to dance Friday night and he marked me.  That means my heart was turned the first time we fucked and I came. Oh, God.

“So, what do you want to do?”  Maz looks between us, patiently.

“Whatever Rey wants.”  Solo answers instantly in a gruff tone.  His jaw works, but his eyes look lost. My lower lip quivers.  He’s taking care of me, still.

“Rey?”  Maz looks at me gently.

I fidget.  “I don’t know.  This is all so soon.  I guess . . . I guess I want you to research breaking it.”  

Part of me is relieved to say the words, but another part is ashamed.  I can’t meet Solo’s eyes.

“I’ll help however I can.”  Solo sits down and Maz moves over to take his blood.

She leaves us alone when she takes the samples away.  

It’s quiet.  I peek up at him.  His head is hanging down, dark waves a curtain hiding his eyes.

My heart squeezes.   “I’m sorry. This is all my fault.  If I never came over into your gym . . .”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Rey.  This isn’t anyone’s fault.”

I nod and swallow a lump.  I feel guilty, but it’s ridiculous.  I just met him a few weeks ago, we’re not even really dating.  We had one amazing weekend, under the influence of heat and rut.  I shouldn’t owe him anything yet.

So why do I feel like I’m hurting him so much?

“Solo, I really like you . . .”

He shakes his head and lifts a hand to stop me.  “Rey, it’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I understand.”

“It’s just so fast.  I’ve never, before this--”

He stands up and tucks his hands in his pockets.  “Don’t, babe. It’s okay. I get it.”

His shoulders sag like he’s hollowed out.  He must be exhausted. I think of how he tended to me and cooked for me, how careful he was.  How hard he fought to stay locked in my bathroom until he knew I really wanted this. How he just kicked down my door and carried me here to make sure I was okay.

He doesn’t look like a big, scary Alpha trying to own me.  He looks like Ben.

My Ben.  

I slide off the table and run into his surprised arms, cheek pressing into his chest.

He holds me tight, and I feel him exhale raggedly.

I speak into his chest.  “I’m not leaving you. We’ll figure this out, together.  Okay?”

He nods and rests his chin on my head.  

Somehow holding him, I believe we can do it.

Chapter Text

When Maz comes back, we step apart.  She hands me tissues for my nose and tut-tuts me sympathetically while she explains what we should expect the next few days.

Basically, our bodies are gonna fuck us up if we don’t stay close by each other and scent each other regularly.  The max time apart is about four hours.

I swallow.  “What happens after four hours?”

Maz looks at us seriously through her thick lenses.

“You don’t want to find out.  Even four hours is the outside window.  The separation anxiety can lead to systemic shock, after which hospitalization is the only option, and it’s still very dangerous.”

Solo takes a step closer and I feel his hand on the small of my back.  I’m trembling but his touch makes me feel better, not that I’d admit it.

“The further apart you are, the worse it will be.  For you, Rey, paranoia, extreme Omega fear, total body weakness.  For you, Benjamin, extreme Alpha aggression, anger, and protectiveness leading to violence.  You do not want this to happen,” she intones gravely.

I gulp.  We’re going to be like conjoined twins, fate and our own bodies forcing us together.  It makes me sick that I don’t have a choice in the matter, just a puppet on a red string.

Maz hands us each some pamphlets on after-heat and rut care, mating bond health, and print out on the dangers of separation anxiety.  She writes her personal cell phone number on the top of the page in blue ink.

“You call me if you have any questions or something gets worse.  No delay.”  She wags a small, crooked finger at us.

We each nod, shyly avoiding each other’s eyes.

“It will be okay, just stay close.  I’ll work on the labs this week and will call when I get some answers.”  She pats my hand and smiles up at Solo.

With that, we walk back through the lobby and out into the bright late afternoon sun, blinking and uncertain, papers clutched in our hands.

We stop on the stoop and Solo sighs.

“Well, okay then,” he says.

I look over at him, squinting against the bright light.

He looks so sheepish.  Lips pressed together in a tight line, eyebrows lifted high, looking at me like I just asked him a question and he doesn’t know the answer.

I can’t help it.  He’s so big and adorable, looking like a confused bear, that I burst out laughing.

“What?!”  he says, chuffing.

I can’t breathe, hands wrapped around my waist, bent over.  It’s ridiculous, this situation is so ridiculous all of a sudden.

He starts to laugh too, a low rumble.  I collect my wits finally and stand up again, wiping my eyes.

Solo’s smile stretches across his whole handsome face face, his cheeks rounded and rosy.  Half moons sparkle at me from the night of his eyes.

It must be the bond, or maybe the post-heat hormones, or possibly the quick release of tension after a crazy day.  

Or maybe it’s just him.  

I take two steps forward and grab his cheeks in my hands to pull him down for a kiss.

He grunts in surprise, my peck on his lips chaste but firm as I hold his cheeks tight.  Then his hands tangle around my waist, papers crinkling, and he lifts me clear off my feet.  

He opens his mouth and kisses me like he means it.

I lose time.  I forget the whole big mess and myself in his mouth.  I don’t know how long he holds me in the air, kissing the breath out of me, but when he finally puts me down I’m dizzy.

He curls a heavy arm around my shoulder and walks us back to his truck.

As we pull out of Maz’s parking lot, he extends his right hand palm-up on the seat next to me.  

I place my left hand in his and squeeze.

We have to stay close, after all.

+++++

When we arrive at my apartment my door is still busted, only some futile construction tape blocking it off.  

I call the super and he tells me the carpenter and locksmith can’t come out for two more days.  Solo paces and growls across the room, and I have to hold up a hand to quiet him.

He’s already speaking before I even hang up.

“This is absolute horseshit!”

I use a low tone to calm him.  “It’s okay. I have nothing of value except my essential oils, honestly.  Nobody could steal anything.”

“It’s fucking ridiculous.”

“We can just wedge a chair under the handle--”

“Uh-uh, absolutely fucking not.  It’s not safe, no way.”

I sigh.  “Well, I guess you’ll be here, too, tonight.  Four hours, remember?”

That stops him mid-stride.  His jaw works as he considers.

“Okay, pack a bag.  You’re coming to my place.”

“Uh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”  The thought of being in his Alpha den sends chills down my spine.   Fuck.   If everything is scented like him, I’m not sure I can take it.

“Why not?”

“Um, I just finished a heat, I don’t need to be sent back into another one.”

“That doesn’t happen.  It’s at least three weeks.”

I swallow.  He may not send me in heat, but his overwhelming smell all around me could definitely lead me to strip and present.  I don’t think we need any more complications right now.

I hedge.  “Won’t your roommate, or something, mind?”

He smiles.  “No, she won’t.  She’d probably like another female around, to be honest.”

She?   He lives with a she?

A flame of possessive Omega jealousy licks at me and I’m ready to hiss and scratch.

Oh, hell no.  He is MINE, mine.  

I have to shake my head to snap out of it.

“Um, okay, if you’re sure.  Just until my door is fixed.”

He nods and I pack up.  It doesn’t take me long.  I really don’t have anything valuable, not even a t.v.  Just my laptop, essential oils, some clothes and shoes. Not much.

He carries my duffle for me down to the truck.  Turning the key, he asks, “you hungry? Want to grab dinner on the way?”

I’m suddenly famished, but also too exhausted to go out.  He pulls out his phone and hands it to me.

“How about Chinese?  I’ve got a place that delivers.  You can order on the app.”

I take his phone, but it’s locked.

“You can enter my passcode. It’s 1119.”  He looks in the rearview as he changes lanes.  “My birthday.”

I smile, both at him trusting me with the code and him sharing his birthday.  

“Mine’s April tenth.”

“I should’ve known, springtime.  A bunny girl.”

I purse my lips to hide my smile while I scroll through the app.  I select a vegan rice bowl and enter his order of happy family.

He grins.  “Put in some spring and summer rolls, too, for my lil’ bunny.”  I laugh at that.

About fifteen minutes later, we pull off the road down a curving, wooded street.  I’m surprised at the large lots and towering trees.

He pulls into a long driveway that leads up to an old Victorian house with a wrap-around patio and a porch swing.  It needs a fresh coat of paint, but it’s large and nice. I didn’t know what I expected, but it certainly wasn’t this.

There’s no other car outside, so his roommate must not be home yet.  The woods are thick surrounding the yard, bright green leaves and honeysuckle vines twining.  The gentle wind makes the trees whisper as the sun sets behind the old oak tree by the house. It’s peaceful and quiet.

He carries my bag in and drops it at the bottom of the stairs in the front hall, flicking on the lights.  The house is cheery, casual and sparsely decorated in a busy bachelor-style.

“Make yourself at home.  I’ll go get some drinks.”  He disappears down the long hall to the back of the house.  

I fold my arms behind my back and step into the sitting room.  There’s a long sofa and some leather chairs set around a brick fireplace with photos on the mantle.  I step closer to get a better look. There’s a large picture of a chestnut-haired boy with his parents, all dressed up and smiling shyly.  More photos of guys in camo, puffed up chests and hair shaved short.

Tucked near the back in a paper frame is a young man, looks like late teens.  I reach out to pluck it out.

A serious expression is stretched across his young face, crisp blue and white uniform and two ears sticking out at sharp angles.  His generous mouth is closed, but his eyes are open and sad. It must be from military school.

He looks so young and lost underneath his uniform.  My heart breaks for the boy in the photo, sent away from home when he was too wild and difficult, shipped off to be molded and bent into a more acceptable shape.  

A lonely Alpha looking for a pack.

“Here we go,” Solo says, walking up behind me, and hands me a glass of white wine.

He catches my expression and then looks down at the photo in my hands.  He clears his throat and then gently plucks it from my fingers and puts it back behind the others.

The doorbell rings and our food arrives.

+++++

I have two glasses of wine, because why not?  

We laugh as we eat barefoot in the kitchen.  Solo makes me roll when he describes all the pranks and hazing from his military days.  I tuck my knees underneath me on my chair.

I shock him grabbing one of the fried spring rolls and munching.  No clean living tonight, this feels like a holiday somehow. We’re both relaxed for once, and it’s nice.

“So when does your roommate get home?”  I try to sound casual as I stir my fork in my bowl.

“When she gets hungry, usually about now.”

As if she heard us, there’s a faint brushing sound and a loud meow as a small tortoiseshell cat pops through the kitty flap on the kitchen door.

“There’s my girl.”  Solo smiles at my surprised face and gets up to grab some cat food from the pantry.

The cat runs in and takes a look at me and freezes.  Cautious eyes study me.

“She’s friendly, she just has to warm up to you.”

“Are you talking about me or the cat?”  I joke.

“Both,” he smirks.

“You didn’t mention you had a cat!”  I say, putting on fake outrage.

“A, it didn’t come up because we haven’t even gone on a date yet, and B, she’s not my cat.”

I look at him confused.

“She came with the house.  A week after I moved in, she ran in through the kitty door and scared the shit out of both of us.  Evidently Brownie here is the neighborhood cat and comes and goes as she pleases, don’t you girl?”

He bends down and scratches behind her ears.  Brownie half-closes her eyes in ecstasy, blinking slowly as she leans in to his touch.

Same, girl, same.

“It took a couple of months, but I was patient and she got used to me.  At first she’d just watch me from the yard, trying to figure me out. Then I’d put out food and water on the back porch, but the raccoons would get it at night.”

Brownie flops down on her back, and reaches under her chin.  He seems to know how to make her melt.

“Eventually she’d come through the flap into the kitchen when I wasn’t home.  Finally, she just started waltzing in whenever she felt like it. She comes at night for dinner and some loving.  We’re friends now.”

He looks down at her and scratches her back.  “She’s her own cat, and I respect that about her.  We have an understanding.  Works out better for both of us that I don't try to control her.”

I get out of my chair and kneel down a few feet away, reaching out my hand to her.  But her eyes go wide and she hops up and runs out the door before I got close.

“Oh, I’m sorry!  I scared her.”

“Don’t worry, she’ll be back.  She just has to get used to you.  It takes time to build trust.”

I stare at him, and he stares back.  My mating gland throbs in my neck. His smile drops but his look deepens, ochre eyes glinting.  I take a deep breath as I stand up slowly, brushing my hands on my thighs.

“I think we should get some rest,” he says.

I nod and help clear the dishes.

Solo leads me upstairs to his bedroom, carrying my bag.  I start to tingle as we get close.

It smells like him before he even opens the door, heady and rich.  The motherlode of Alpha.

“You’re going to sleep here.  I’ll take the twin in the guest room.  It’s too cold in there for you.”

I try to refuse, but he won’t hear of it, setting my bag on his dresser.  He walks to his bathroom and gets his toothbrush and then some sweatpants from a drawer.  He nods and leaves me in his room, alone.

It’s like an Alpha shrine to masculinity.  Oh my word.  

I’m surrounded by the essence of Solo.  Everything is spicy and delicious, his scent soaked into the dark wood floors.  He has a dark green comforter and navy drapes, it’s like a cozy man cave. I move slowly through the room, nearly dizzy, but so warm and calm.  

I brush my teeth in his bathroom and can’t help but think of him naked in the shower.  Ugh.  I lock the door so I can take a deep inhale of his towel, my eyes rolling back as a deep purr escapes the back of my throat.  

Oh my God, if they botted that up, I would buy his scent by the truckload.

I change into a tank and my flannel pajama pants, washing off my face.  I remember what Maz said. We need to scent each other before bed.

I pad into the hall to find his bedroom.  I knock quietly and he comes to the door, with wide eyes.

“Um, we need to.”  I wave my fingers at my throat vaguely.

“Oh yeah, right.”

He tenderly puts his hands on my shoulders and I turn my head to the side as he leans in.  At the first brush of his nose on my skin, my eyelids flutter shut and I squeeze my thighs.  He rubs slowly up and down my neck, nosing up behind my ear, brushing me with his jaw and lips.

He pulls back slowly and picks up my wrist and rubs it together with his as we watch.  Then he lifts it to the scent gland on his neck as his half-lidded eyes find mine. He brings my wrist to his mouth and gives it a tender kiss before releasing it down.

The air leaves my lungs in whoosh.

My turn.  I stretch up on tiptoes and do the same to him, nosing and rubbing my throat along his, palms pushing into his round pectorals as they start to vibrate with his purrs.  His hands knead at my waist as I work, fingers squeezing and releasing rhythmically. When I lift it up, his wrist almost covers my entire neck as I scent him. I follow his lead and give it a tender kiss before letting it fall.

“Good night,” I say, stepping back, unable to rip myself from his gaze.

“Good night.”  He steps back into his room and closes the door between us.

+++++

I’m content and cozy, super warm under his sheets as my body gets the overwhelming message that it’s safe.  I burrow deep in the middle of his bed like I’m nesting in him.

I fall asleep heavy in Solo’s bed, as if his scent alone is a drug.

But halfway through the night, I guess the scenting wears off because my dreams turn to nightmares.  I toss and turn, twisting up my legs, feeling like I’m being hunted and caught up in a snare, white hot fear lacing through my veins.

I wake up in terror, gasping, sitting up in a panic and confused where I am.

I push back the covers and kick myself free.  I pad out into the hallway to creep up slowly to Solo’s door.  

It pushes open and I see Solo’s bare back, white enough to reflect the moonlight, his sheets wrapped at his waist.  He’s grunting and making small jerking movements. Maybe he’s having a nightmare, too.

“Solo?” I say, as I tiptoe closer.  I don’t want to scare him, that can be dangerous with an Alpha.

He rolls over immediately, blinking himself awake.  “Rey?”

“Can I get in with you?”

He doesn’t move for a moment, then says “yeah, of course,” lifting up the sheets to invite me into his arms.  

I slip in and nestle under his shoulder, fists curled into his chest.  It’s like magic. The tense fear eases and his warm skin is the cure. His arms criss-cross my back.

“I’m sorry about earlier.  At Maz’s,” I say. It’s been weighing on my mind.

His fingers stroke my back.

“I . . . I don’t want you to think my reaction is about you.  It’s not. It’s all of this. It’s just a lot to take in. I can’t really process it.”   

He sighs.  “I know, babe.  It’s okay.”

“If you knew what it was like, with my parents.  I think you’d understand.”

A hand brushes my hair, and I close my eyes.  “I know, babe.”

My breath catches and I squeeze him tighter.  “Because you’re great. You’re perfect, actually.”

He chuckles.  “I’m definitely not.  You have to get to know me better.”

I look up at his chin as he stares up at the ceiling.  He’s got a gentle look on his face, almost a smile. I can’t help but wedge in closer and nose at his warm, musky scent gland.

“I want to,” I whisper quietly.  He hears me.

He exhales, blowing wisps of my hair, and presses me in tight enough to almost hurt.  His chest is so warm, I start to drift off again.

After a few minutes, he pulls back the covers and scoops me up to walk us back to his bed, kicking his door open with his foot before tucking us under his king-sized comforter in the creamy darkness.

He’s the big spoon to my little, and as I fall asleep in his arms, I have the overwhelming feeling of being exactly where I should be for the first time in my life.

Chapter Text

I’m wrapped up in a wall of heat, the smell of something delicious making my nose twitch in the early morning light.  It smells like fresh bread baking, the aroma thick in the air, and I lick my lips.

I realize the wall of heat is Solo.

He grunts and wraps his heavy arms around me as we curl under the covers.  I’m so cozy I want to purr. It feels safe and right, more like a cocoon than a trap.

I lean into his thick chest and reach fingers to grab his hip to me as I wiggle my ass back, slotting myself in deeper.  His lips unseal and a little puff of hot air hits my ear. I arch my spine a little and he groans.

“Rey,” he warns, voice thick with sleep.

“Mmm,” I hum, tilting my hips back and forth, flexing and extending, rubbing against him.

“Dangerous,” he rumbles, thick arms roping around me tighter.  

“Mmm, feels good,” I whisper, whining in a needy Omega way that makes his fingers dig into my hip.

His cock is already up and wishing me good morning.  If he thinks the tight squeeze of his arms is gonna stop me from moving, he’s got another thing coming.  I’m very good at squirming.

It’s getting hot under the covers, the heavy Alpha musk of his room coating the top of my mouth, shutting off my brain.  I’m working us both up, shamelessly, with my hips, and I’m not even in heat.

Caught between consciousness and dreams, my eyes haven’t even opened yet.  If I do, I might think of all the reasons I shouldn’t be fucking him right now as we sort out this soulmate bond.  But I don’t want to think, just feel, so I keep my lids shut tight.

He peppers kisses along my jaw, and I turn my head to give him more space.  He nibbles on my gland and a hand slides under my shirt to cup my breast. I moan, wantonly grinding back on him.

“God, Rey,” he groans, “You’re killing me.”

“Shhhh.”  Any other time, an Omega shushing a big Alpha would be funny.  Right now, I just need more friction, less chit-chat.

I nudge my ass in his lap and feel the firm prick of his cock against my core.  My hand on his hip starts to tug his pants down to free him. I need to feel his hot skin on mine.

His fingers fumble to push my shorts and undies down, too, and his hot tip slips between my thighs, sliding against my dripping slit.  He rubs back and forth against me, so close to where I really need him. I tingle in anticipation.

Then he stops, panting.  

“No.”

My eyes fly open.  “ No? ”

His voice is pained.  “Not like this.”

“Why not?!”  My bitchy inner Omega is pissed and horny as hell.

A wide palm lands on my stomach, and he drops a tender, wet kiss on my neck.

“Because I want the whole deal, not just a hook up.”  He pulls away and leaves me hanging.

I roll over my shoulder to look at him, dumbstruck, as he swings his legs out of the covers and hitches up his pants.

“Solo, it’s okay, I don’t mind . . .” I start, but he looks over his shoulder to stop me.

“I mind, Rey.”  He shakes his head and licks his lips.  “I’ve been used before, and it feels like shit.  I’m not gonna be your Alpha fuck toy, just like you aren’t gonna be my Omega one.”

I must look ridiculous, my mouth hung open in shock, still desperately wanting him.  The sting of rejection burns at my eyes as my pride flares.

“That’s not what this is!”  I say, incredulous.  

“Yeah, then what is this?  Does it have a name?”

His eyes are insistent, but I don’t have an easy answer.

“We haven’t even gone on a date yet,” he says with a sigh as he stands up and runs fingers through his hair.

I can’t help it, I roll my eyes.  “Don’t you think we’ve gone beyond that stage, soulmate ?”  I’m mostly hurt that he won’t come back to bed, but my tone comes off as sarcastic.  

He frowns, putting his hands on his hips.  My Omega alarm bells go off in warning.  Alpha’s getting angry.

“No, we haven’t, and that’s the problem.  We went too fast, and it’s confusing.”

I return his glower and sit up, annoyed.  The words fall from my mouth faster than I can stop them.  “Well, our bodies aren’t confused, so what’s your problem?!”

That does it.  He snaps into full Alpha mode, voice so deep and loud that I flinch.

“I don’t just want your fucking body, Rey!  And if you only want me for my knot, then that’s not good enough for me!”

He pants, furious, the hurt clear in his eyes.  My stomach sinks and a wave of regret washes over me, but before I find the words he stalks off to the bathroom and locks the door.  I hear the shower start.

I fall flat on the bed and exhale.  

What the fuck.  Soulmating is a lot more complicated than you would expect.

+++

He won’t speak to me through breakfast.  We can’t go more than four hours apart or we’ll get separation sickness.  It's a logistical challenge that's probably easier now that he's mad at me.

An uncomfortable silence settles in as he drives to campus so I can study while he does his personal training sessions at the gym.  I steal glances at him, but he keeps his sad eyes on the road.

He parks in front of the library and cuts the engine.  We sit for a minute awkwardly.  Solo works his jaw and looks down at the wheel.  Regret sits heavy in my stomach as I see the toll the soulmate thing has taken on him, as well.  It hasn't been easy for either of us.

My heart squeezes with the need to touch him.  I unbuckle and lean into his neck as he stiffens.  Rubbing my cheek against his gland, he starts to relax a little and huff.  I put a hand on his firm thigh for balance and angle up to whisper in his ear.

“I’m sorry about earlier.  You’re right, we should go slow.”  He grips my shoulder with a squeeze as rub against him, scenting him.

I skim my lips across his jaw, whispering in his other ear, “I don’t just want your knot, Solo. I want to be with you.”  His fingers stroke my back and when he sighs, I can tell he’s pleased.

I lean back after I'm done and it’s my turn.  His dark eyes hold onto mine until he bends down beneath my chin.  I giggle as his whiskers tickle my neck.  He roots around behind my ear and then lowers to kiss the divot of my collarbone.  I brush his hair back from his temples with my fingers.  

God, he feels so good.  It’s over too fast.  Solo reaches behind him to pick up a hoodie from the backseat and rubs his face in it, then hands it over.  “Take this, just in case.” 

I hug onto it and realize I don’t have anything to give him.  I hunt around in my tote bag and then flash a wicked grin.  Retrieving my black “just in case” thong from my make-up bag, I rub it on my neck and wrists like dabbing on perfume, then present it to him.

He stares at it balled up in his wide palm and quirks an eyebrow.  “Really?”

I grin so big it hurts my cheeks.  “Use only in case of emergencies.”

He shakes his head and bites his lip, as he tucks it into his pocket.  “Call if you need me.”

“Okay, see you in three hours.”  I open the truck door, then thinking better of it turn back to give him a quick peck on the cheek.

I shut the door and wave, happy to see him smiling again.

+++

It’s extremely difficult to focus on my textbooks in the library.  My mind keeps flying to Solo.  Slipping on his sweatshirt helps a little, but it also reminds me that he’s not there.  

I know he’s right about us.  We need to define what’s going on.

On one hand, I like him more and more each day.  Solo’s sweet, and hot, and huge, and gentle, and pretty much everything I could ever want in a guy.  He even has a cat. I’m sinking in deep.

Oh, and the universe wants us to be together, so there’s also that.

Yet, deeply ingrained in my DNA on a fundamental level is preserving my independence.  Alphas are possessive, domineering, controlling.  I don’t want to be owned by anybody, and the wounds from my parents and their bitter fighting still cut too deep to ignore.  I’m afraid I’ll either be fighting or broken down for the rest of my days if I’m mated with an Alpha.

Confusing is a good word for it.  I just don’t know how to do be with Solo yet without losing myself in the process.

Distracted, I close my textbooks and walk to the reference section instead.  With help from the kind librarian, I pick up a heavy, musty old book on A/B/O history and carry it back to my table.

I skip over stuff Maz has already told me, but I also learn some new things.   

The ancient Phoenicians treated Omegas as currency and traded them for land.  I roll my eyes.  Nice.

An Alpha Egyptian Pharaoh had a harem of 12 Omegas, but was killed by his own bodyguards when they went mad from all the pheromones.  Unforced error, buddy.

An island in the Pacific was inhabited solely by female Omegas who fled from the mainland, attacking any man that approached.   Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.*   

There was a short paragraph at the end of the historical section:

Though incredibly rare, there exist documented cases of highly compatible Alpha-Omega mating pairs that physically manifest a connection, commonly called “sparking a soulmate bond” or even “star-crossed lovers.”

These pairs were rumored to be the foundation of romantic stories in a wide variety of cultures, ranging from Romeo and Juliet all the way back to Adam and Eve.  In ancient scrolls long since lost to time, it was rumored that Adam sparked a soul-connection with Eve that left a mark on his ribcage, thus inspiring stories that she was made for him by God himself.

Although many of these ancient stories cannot be verified independently, the existence of these legends and romantic stories indicates that the cultures themselves believe in the power of these bonds and of heavenly-decreed partnerships.

Phew, no pressure there.

+++

The three hours are almost up when I start to get antsy.  I wrap his sweatshirt around me, so big it almost hits my knees, and sniff at the collar quietly, hoping no one notices.  I know it isn’t just boredom when I get a twinge of nauseous panic, like worms crawling in my stomach.

Oh, no.  

I whip out my phone and text him.

Are you on your way?

Three little dots appear right away.

Yup.  In ten.

It should relax me, but it doesn’t.  My foot starts tapping and rapping against the table leg.

“Shhhhh.”  I see a girl is scowling at me.  I pack up my bag quickly and walk out to the front steps to wait for him.  

I’ve got way too much nervous energy to sit, so I pace back and forth, feeling twitchy like a rabbit.  The door slams closed behind me and I jump and spin around.  More worms twist in my stomach as anxious thoughts seep into my mind.

What if he doesn’t come?  

What if he doesn’t want me anymore?  

What if something happened to him and I won’t see him again?

My thoughts spiral down and down into the dark.  I try to remind myself it’s just the paranoia, it will be okay.  He’d never do that to me. My brain knows the thoughts aren’t true, but I can’t not feel it.

I see his black truck pull up, and I nearly sing in joy.  He gets out and walks around the front bumper with a smile as I run at him like a rocket and fly straight into his arms.  

“Ooof!”  he grunts, catching me and staggering back.  “Somebody’s happy to see me."

“Mmm.”  He sets me down and I nuzzle into his chest for a solid minute, my fists bunching up his shirt as his lips land in my hair.

“How was it?” he asks, then tentatively, “Did you miss me?”

“Uh-huh.  Three hours felt so long, it’s weird.”  It seems funny to admit it, but it’s the truth.  I did miss him.  This level of closeness and need is going to take some getting used to.

“I know, babe, I missed you, too.  Ready?”

+++

Solo has to teach a bootcamp class, so I curl up with a book in the corner of the Supremacy.  I roll on some of my Alpha blocker oils because none of them smell delicious like him.  Phasma ignores me, but Hux grins at me like a jerk.  I try to ignore him.

Solo notices right away and barks at Hux to get over here.  I smile down at my book as I pretend not to notice Hux’s orange head nodding vigorously as Solo growls at him.

He looks so intense and in command, the top Alpha, and my inner Omega is very pleased.  I cross my legs as he chews out Hux, nearly spitting in his face.  Thank goodness he didn’t touch me this time, or there wouldn’t be enough of him left over to sweep up.

I've got a rush of excitement and realize some of Solo's Alpha adrenaline may be leaking through the soul bond, pooling low in my lap.  I lick my lips.  His possessive aggression does weird things to me.

Class starts up and I try to focus on my anatomy textbook.  Solo's bossy Alpha voice makes it very hard to concentrate.  It’s far too easy to imagine him ordering me around in that voice, putting me where he wants me, telling me I’m his good girl or his kitten.  

I’m not the only one who responds to him.  After class finishes, I rise to pack up my bag when I see a tall, lanky brunette walk across the floor as he replaces the kettlebells.  

My eyes nearly bug out of my head when she shifts a hip to the side and then rubs her hand up an down his arm with a flip of her hair.

No.  She.  Didn’t.

A burst of heat rises to my cheeks.  Maybe I'm still steamed up from him chewing out Hux, but I drop my bag on a chair and stride right across the floor to them.

He’s smiling as he talks to her, but senses me coming and looks over with wide eyes as I approach.  I must be scowling because he looks almost scared.  Good.

I walk right past her and turn his shoulders to face me.  His eyes go wider when I cup his cheeks and plant a kiss right on his mouth for everyone to see, especially her.  Solo blinks then kisses me back.

When I’m done, I pull away with a grin and turn to the brunette as I wrap my arm around his bicep.

“Hi!  I’m Rey,” I say, brightly.

Her surprise melts into a snide look.  “I’m Bazine.”

“Nice to meet you!”  I say with a huge grin as I hold him tighter.  

She between us and says, “And she's your–" 

“Excuse us for a minute,” Solo says and guides me by the elbow to the back office.

Once the door closes, he says, “What was that?”

“Her hands were all over you!”  I sputter.

“She’s just a student, you know that, right?”  His eyes search mine.

I huff and frown.  “She was touching you.  It made me mad.”

He laughs.  “You sound like an Alpha!  I think the pheromones are getting to you.”

Crinkling my nose, I shake my head.  “I didn’t like seeing her hands all over you.”

“I’d feel the same way.”  He nods.

“Good,”  I say, raising an eyebrow.

“Good,” he replies, lowering his voice.  

“So does that mean we’re . . .” he trails off, leaving space for me to answer.  

His warm coffee eyes wait on my words.  He’s right, we need to name this thing between us, clear it up.  Out of the swirl of feelings and fears, the hormones and the doubts roiling through me, there’s only been one thing that has been a constant.

Him.  Solo hasn’t let me down yet.  

I decide to take a chance and move toward him.  “Yes, it means that.  I want to be with you.  We’re together.  I don’t want you dating, or soulmating, anybody else.”  I set my jaw, my jealousy maybe surprising me as much as it surprises him.  “And if I see anybody else touch you like that girl just did, you may need to hold me back.”  

Rather than laugh at my sudden fierceness, he takes two steps forward and scoops me up in his arms as I squeak.

He’s beaming at me like a kid with an ice cream cone.  “Good,” he says, kissing me firmly on the mouth, arms pinning me to his ribs.  I wrap my arms around his shoulders as my feet dangle off the ground.

I melt into him as I kiss him back.  

Good.

Chapter Text

The minute I say I want him, it’s like entering a magic code.  Solo’s underlying sadness seems to unlock and he’s playful and loose, like a big Labrador puppy.  He can’t stop touching me.

Do you know what it’s like having a huge, beefy Alpha as a boyfriend?

Heavy.  Very, very heavy.

We walk back through the gym with his hand hanging loose over my shoulder.  His arm must weigh fifty pounds, I swear, I’m going to have to up my weights just to support him.  Instead of feeling caught though, I feel . . . proud. Like we’re a team and have each other’s backs.  I’ve never felt that before, it’s a new and exciting sensation.

In the truck, Solo’s hand finds my thigh as if it has a mind of its own.  I look down at it spanning my leg and deep Omega joy bubbles up. It’s like I went deep sea fishing and caught a giant marlin.  Solo wants me and nobody else, and I want him back. It feels like floating.

“Whaddya want to do tonight, bunny?”

His new nickname tickles me.  “Hmm. I don’t know, I’m kind of tired.  Maybe Netflix and chill?”

“Perfect.  What about dinner?”

“We could cook?”

“That doesn’t sound very chill.”

I snort.  “I know a pizza place we could hit up on the way home.”

He shoots me a glance at the word “home.”  It’s fleeting, but for a second his eyes are unshielded and full of hope, and a lump forms in my throat.  It passes and the corner of his mouth quirks up.

“You eat pizza?”

“Well, they have a vegan cauliflower-crust pizza that’s pretty good.”

“Blasphemy.”

“It is!”

“Cauliflower is not pizza.”

“Try it, you may like it.”

“Doubtful.  I like my crust made of crust.”

I giggle and we drive to get take-out.

+++

After we’ve eaten and fed Brownie in the kitchen, we curl up on the couch under an old quilt.  I sit and Solo plants his head in my lap as we scroll through movies and series. We can’t decide what to stream and end up just watching trailers instead.

My phone buzzes and I scoop it off the coffee table.  It’s Maz.

Rey, can you come in this Thursday?  I have some news.

My scalp tingles.   Sure.  Everything okay?  I can ask Solo if he’s free.  

She responds right away.  No, just you.  Nothing to worry about.  I want to discuss my progress on the question.

The question of whether the soulmate bond can be broken.

“ Everything okay?” Solo asks, probably scenting my concern.

“Yeah, just Maz.  I’m going to see her on Thursday.”

“Hmm.  Want me to come with?”

“No, it’s fine.  Just me this time.”

I stroke his thick hair back from his forehead and lightly scratch his scalp.  He’s watching the t.v. so I get a chance to just drink him in.

I’ve never met anyone who grows more beautiful the longer you know them.  He does, defying every natural law. It’s not just his looks, it’s him , the whole delicious package.  I know I’m falling, hard.

A flicker of movement from the corner draws my eye.  It’s Brownie cat, creeping into the room, eyes wide and cautious.  I don’t move a muscle as she prowls in and freezes with a paw up, alert and suspicious as she eyes me.  I must pass the test, because she leaps into the chair in the corner and curls up into a ball.

I stroke Solo’s hair then smooth out his eyebrows as I’m lost in thought.

He lifts a finger to stroke my jaw and I look down at him.  

“Hey, you,” he says softly with his gentle eyes.

I return his smile.  “Hey.”

His fingers thread in my hair and guides me closer.  At the first touch of his warm lips, my eyes drift shut.  I never knew a simple kiss could have this effect. My tongue laps at him lightly as I taste his rich Alpha essence, my new favorite flavor.  It’s addictive.

He sits up and I crawl into his lap.  We neck like a couple of teenagers, pawing at each other over our clothes.  It’s kinda cute and super hot at the same time. Of course I’m naughty and try to slip my hands under his shirt, wanting to count his six-pack for myself.  I love the sounds he makes when I’m driving him mad.

“ Baby ,” he growls in my ear as I nibble on his neck.  “Bad bunny.”

Ooh, my inner Omega likes that.  Teach me, baby. “Boyfriend,” I whine.   “Alpha.”

I know he wants to wait for our first date, but if his cock had a vote I can tell it’s on my side.  I kiss him and rock in his lap.

“Just one more day, Omega,” he pleads as he hugs me to his chest to stop my grinding.  “Please just give me this one thing, baby? I just want to do one thing right.”

Him saying please so nicely cools my jets.  I may think it’s silly to wait, but if this is so important to him to have a proper first date, I want to give him that.  I want to make him happy, he deserves it.

He flips me onto my back and dives for my neck.  Solo blows raspberries as I squeal and writhe under his sweet torture and Brownie runs out of the room.  

One more day.

+++

I wake up the next morning wrapped around Solo from behind like a spider monkey.  It’s Wednesday, finally.

We drive together to the studio and kiss before going our separate ways.  I run into Rose as I climb the stairs. We’ve texted back and forth this week when she checked in on me, but I haven’t caught her up on everything yet.  

She’s gonna die.

“Soul what-the-fuck ?” Rose says, and I have to shush her in the back office so the clients won’t hear.  “Rey, that’s bananas!”

“I know!”

“This is a lot to take in.  My brain can’t keep up!”

“Join the club, Rosie!”

“You haven’t even dated an Alpha before!”

“Right?!”  I shake my head.  It does sound crazy, especially to a beta like Rose.  She isn’t bound by compelling drives coded into her DNA.  Betas get to marry for love alone, with no complications, they’re the lucky ones.

“But what happens now?”  I look at Rose’s kind eyes.  It must seem so crazy to her, it hasn’t even been a week since Solo took me home in my heat.  We’ve come so far, super fast, but trying to explain it is confusing, even to me.

“I’m not sure.  I like him a lot.”  I say.

She cocks her head.  “Mm-hmm.”

“I mean, I really, really like him.”

“That’s a lot of ‘reallys.’”

I take a breath and blurt out, “I think I’m in love with him.”  Once the words are out there, I realize it’s true. I love Solo.  

Holy shit, I’m in love with Ben Solo!

Rose’s whole face lights up like she’s just spied a kitten.  “Oh, sweetie, that’s so great!!!”

“Yeah, I think so!”  I smile and nod, then my mind catches up to me.  “Maybe, yeah. I don’t know. Oh, God, Rose, I don’t know.”  My thoughts cascade down like a waterfall and I start to pant.   

“Hold on, Rey, just breathe.”  Rose holds my arms as I start to panic a little and sits me down on a bench.  

If I’m in love and it doesn’t work out, this could hurt.  A lot. What if we turn bitter and fight all the time? It would be nuclear-level pain, utter devastation.  It’s what I’ve been afraid of my entire life and it’s actually happening. I put my forehead in my hand as Rose tries to calm down my freak out.  “I don’t know him, okay, but from what I’ve seen, he’s wonderful.”

Rose pats my shoulder in encouragement.  “I don’t know Solo well, but I know you. You’re one of the strongest people I know, and you don’t tolerate bullshit.  No way you’d fall for an asshole Alpha or a jerk.”

My eyes flicker to hers.  We usually joke around, but she’s dead serious.  I listen.

“So if you love him, then that’s all I need to know.  It seems like this soulmate bond agrees, right? It matches you with your perfect mate?  I mean, is it ever wrong ?”

My breath catches.  I never even thought of that and didn’t think to ask Maz about it.  In all my research, I never once saw a soulmate bond sparked in error.

I know the truth in my gut.  “No, it isn’t wrong.”

“I know it’s happened so fast, but it seems like you trust him and that the soulmate bond is real.  Maybe you just need to trust yourself?”

Her words hit home.  What I’ve really been fighting against my whole life isn’t some Alpha, it’s my own fear.  My fear of being trapped or controlled, of being weak or losing myself. But Solo has never once tried to do that to me.  When I was in heat, he locked himself in the bathroom to make sure I really chose him. He also could’ve mated me when I was begging him to in my heat daze, and he didn’t.  No other Alpha would’ve acted like him, I know that.

Solo’s proven that I can trust him at every turn.  So who am I really scared of? Who am I really fighting against?  It’s been me the whole time.

I sigh and smile at Rose.  We hug and then go to class together.  It’s not going to be easy to let my past go, but I know now what I want to do.

+++

My landlord texts me that my door is finally fixed, so it’s time to go home.  Solo drives me over to my apartment at 5 o’clock.

He walks in with me to make sure everything is safe.  I have to bite back giggles. I want to remind him that he was the one who knocked my door down in the first place, but I hold my tongue.  He’s so hot when he’s in protective Alpha mode.

“Okay, all clear.”  He announces and puts his hands on his hips like a big, strong man.  My Alpha, the Omega croons dreamily.  

“What time are you picking me up for our date?”  I ask, fluttering my eyelashes at him like a damsel.

“18:30 on the dot,” he barks out in his bootcamp voice.  

He bends down so we’re eye level and grips my hips.  Solo brushes the tips of our noses together. “That’s six-thirty to you, civvie, don’t be late.”  He steals a kiss and I cup his ears to hold him there.

He pats my bum then turns to leave.

“How dressy?”  I call out after him.

“Dressy!” he answers over his shoulder as he pulls my door open.   

I follow and lean on the doorframe as he thumps down the stairs.   

“Heels?”

“Heels!” he yells from out of sight.  I sigh and close the door.

+++

I don’t usually get dressed up, but when I do, I don’t hold back.

I shower and shave and douse myself in lotion.  I pull out my slinkiest dress from the back of my closet.  From the front it’s a straight black sheath, soft and somewhat loose, that hits mid-thigh and is sleeveless with a boatneck.  But when I turn around, you see a deep scoop cut down to my low back and a silver chain that holds the straps up. It makes my back and ass look amazing.  I can’t wear a bra with it, just some silicone adhesive cups and a thong. If I were more shameless, I’d go totally commando just to surprise him.

I paint my toenails nude and step into strappy silver heels and dry my toes and hair at the same time.  I go with loose, beachy waves and finish with a BB cream and a dark lip and eyeliner. My entire look says:   I tried to look hot for you, Alpha, eat me up.  

At six twenty-nine, there’s a rap at my door.

I open and the first thing I see is a dozen hot pink roses, and then his grinning face.  

He’s wearing a black suit and tie over a grey shirt.  He’s gotten himself a haircut, still long but under control, and to my surprise, a shave.  I can’t help but feel the smoothness for myself, running my fingertips down the fading and thin soulmate scar.

“You like it?”  he asks.

He looks fresh-faced and younger, more prince that knight now.  I want to feel that smoothness on my inner thighs, but I shouldn’t say that out loud.  Instead I say, “Yes, I like you all the ways.”

Solo kisses my cheek and steps inside.  He looks me up and down and whistles, “You’re gorgeous, babe.”  I thank him for the roses and turn to put them into water and hear his sharp intake of breath as I walk into the kitchen.

“Damn,” he whispers, and I smile.

“Do you like my dress?”

“I’m trying very hard right now to remain a gentleman.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Yes.”

I return with the roses arranged in a larger mason jar and place them on the island.

“Do you know why I picked pink?”

I shake my head, looking them over.

“You wore that color the first time I saw you.”  

I think back and remember my hot pink bralette.  It is that exact shade, I can’t believe he remembered.  

We braid our fingers together and he helps me down the stairs patiently, slowing his gait to match mine in the heels.  He holds open each door like a perfect gentleman. I’ve never had someone treat me like a princess before.

I crawl up into the seat carefully and cross my ankles.

“Where are we going?”  

“Have you heard of La Takodana?”

“Solo!  That’s too fancy!”

He grins.  “Nothing’s too good for my girl.”

“How’d you get a reservation anyway?  It’s impossible.”

“I’ve got a Marine buddy with an in.  It’s good to have friends,” he says and changes lanes.

We arrive and he helps me gingerly step down from the truck as I try very hard not to scandalize the valet.  I wrap my arm around his and as we walk into the sleek restaurant. It’s the hottest ticket in town, all silver and glass, candlelight and dark corners.  We’re seated by an entire wall of running water. He pulls out my chair for me.

When the waiter introduces himself and describes the specials, Solo interrupts.  “I’m sorry, Don, but we called ahead to request the gluten-free menu?”

“Of course, sir, right away.”

Solo’s eyes land on me with a gentle smile.  He’s so handsome and he’s put so much thought into this night already.  I’m completely overcome. I don’t know why, but my eyes start to fill with tears.

His smile drops.  “Rey, what’s wrong?”  I’m sure he can’t scent my sadness and he’s worried.  I fan my face with my hand and try to swallow the lump in my throat.  I don’t want to ruin our first date.

“It’s silly, I’m just–” I’m afraid to say the words, then I’ll really ruin my eye makeup.

He leans forward and reaches out a hand on the table palm up and I take it.  His touch calms me, caressing my skin and rubbing our wrists together.

I look down at the tablecloth and then press my eyes closed as my voice comes out weak.   “I’ve just never had anyone treat me like this.” It feels like an admission of guilt. My chest aches.

“Like what, baby?”  he says, concerned.

“Like I’m worth something,” I whisper as the first tears fall.  

It’s so embarrassing, I don’t know what deep layer this is rising from or why now.  I try to hide my face to wipe away the tears with my napkin. I will not ugly-cry in this chic restaurant in front of my hot boyfriend, I will not.

He holds my hand as I collect myself and gives me the space and time I need.  I dab my eyes and calm down. He lifts my hand up and tenderly skims his lips along my wrist before kissing it.

It’s the right thing to do and works better than any words would to calm me.  A weight falls off my shoulders.

I excuse myself to the ladies room to make sure I don’t have raccoon eyes, and by the time I come back there’s appetizers and a bottle of wine waiting.

Solo hasn’t left.  He hasn’t rejected me.  He’s still there, waiting.

We begin the best date of my life.

Chapter Text

We’ve never done things by the book, Solo and me.  Crazy doesn’t even begin to describe how we got together.  Still, I wouldn’t change a thing if it means I would lose out on this precise moment.

Solo sits across from me looking like a gourmet snack.  They keep bringing us small plates of indescribable and incredible things.  We talk and eat.  After the bottle of wine is gone, we finish with flourless chocolate cake and decaf.  It’s perfect.

As he talks, I remember all the reasons I liked him in the first place.  Those are the same reasons I love him now.  He cares about people in a natural way that isn’t forced or fake.  Solo’s naturally a leader because when you care about people, you want to look out for them.  He shares stories from basic training, the pranks and the hijinks with his buddies, and it’s clear what a deep impression his service and that community has made on him and on his character.

Solo’s the good man he is today because of his troubled past.  His Alpha nature is tempered by his deep empathy.  The terrible experience with the beta, troubled relationship with his family, and his loss of his military community all shaped him into a strong leader with a big heart.  

So I tell him so.

“I don’t know,” he shakes his head.  “I’d like to think some good came from it.”

I’m adamant as I lean forward on the table.  “It did.  No other Alpha I’ve ever met comes close.”

He shakes his head humbly and smiles as he takes my hand again.  “I love that you think that about me, though.”

“I do.  I don’t just like you, I respect you.”

His stare lingers.  “So you like me, huh?”

I know what he’s really asking.  I cock my head.  “Yes, Ben, I like you very much.”

“Say it again,” he says instantly.

“I like you very much,” I respond as I lower my voice and lean closer.  “You know I do.”

“No, my name.  Say it again.”

I take a deep breath.  “Ben.”

His eyes darken.  “I like it when you call me that.”

I grin wickedly and flip my tone to sultry.  “Are you sure?  You don’t want me to call you Alpha?”

His eyebrows rise and he squeezes my hand.  “Oh, I like that, too”

I’ve been good all night.  As his fingers stroke my palm, I’m ready to get naughty.  “This has been a wonderful date.  The best ever, in fact.”

Ben beams at me.

“But now I want it to end.  I want you to kiss me at my doorstep, like a perfect gentleman would.  Then I’ll say goodnight and close the door.”

His smile falters for a moment in confusion, but he catches my look and low tone and bites his lip as he leans in.  

I hold his eyes boldly as I enunciate each word, like I’m dictating an important message.  "Then I want you to knock again so you can rip this dress off me and make me scream your name.”  

He shivers like I’ve shocked him.  He waves down our waiter as I smirk.  "Check, please!” 

By the time we’re in his truck, I’m already soaking through my thong.  He’s got to be able to scent me, my arousal is so obvious it's like Niagara Falls under my dress.

He steers and his other hand creeps up my thigh and moves inward.  I give him a firm slap and he pulls back his hand in surprise, shaking it in the air comically.

“Ow!”

“Not yet.  First date.”  

He growls and I delight in teasing him.  I know he’s gonna make me pay for it later and that makes me even wetter.

I lay it on thick as we get closer to my apartment.  I part my legs and watch his nostrils flare as he fights for control.  He shoots me a quick look, eyes hungry, and I wiggle a little in my seat.  I’m going to milk this for all it’s worth.  He drives a little faster.

After we park, Solo offers his hand to help me down from the truck.  As soon as the door shuts he scoops me up in his arms and I squeak.

“Too slow,” he says, cradling me in his arms and walking briskly to my front door.  “Fucking heels.”

He carries me up the flight of stairs effortlessly and places me down delicately at my doorstep.

Solo stands tall, suddenly formal.  “Well, m’am, this has been a delightful evening.”

I hold my hands primly in front of my waist as I play along.  “Oh, yes, I’ve quite enjoyed myself.”

“Thank you so much for your company.”

“I shall always cherish it.”

“Well, I hope our paths will cross again sometime!”

“Indeed!”

He bows to me with a shit-eating grin.  I turn my cheek to accept his chaste kiss.

Ben stands and lifts an imaginary cap and puts on the worst cockney accent I’ve ever heard.  “Right, then, top of the evening to you, cheerio!” and bolts down the stairs.

I hold back my giggles with my hand as I unlock my front door.   The butterflies in my stomach make me prance in place as I shuck off my shoes and earrings.  A minute later there’s a knock.

“Whooooo is it?” I sing out and open the door slowly.

The jacket’s gone and the tie hangs loose as his thick arms span the doorway.  He leans in and stares at me like a lion looks at meat.

“Daddy,” he says and lunges.  I shriek as he catches me around the waist and hefts me over his shoulder.  I kick my legs in excitement and he slides the deadbolt and walks us back to the bedroom.  He knows the way.

“Naughty.  Naughty.  Girl.”  He punctuates each word with a tight slap on my ass and my pussy clenches with each one.  Ben playfully mouths on an ass cheek and I squeal and squirm like an eel.  It tickles.  I love it.

When he dumps me on the bed I bounce.  I draw up to elbows and catch him staring down at my soaked crotch in my short dress.  I lick my lips and spread my knees wider.

He glares at my pussy like it’s offended him.  I really want him to teach it a lesson.

His dark eyes simmer as he slowly unknots his tie.  God, I’m gushing already.  If he doesn’t touch me soon I may combust.  He unloops his tie and drags it down out of his collar and I wiggle.  Every second he’s not on me I die a little.

“Soloooo,” I whine.

He cocks his head.  “What’s my name?”

“Ben,” I beg.  One by one, he unbuttons his dress shirt, enjoying torturing me.  I’m not in heat, but I swear, he’s gonna trigger one with his striptease.  I want him so bad that I buck my hips like ringing a dinner bell.

“Patience, bunny,” he murmurs and tugs off his shirt and undershirt in one sweep.  His thick fingers start in on his belt as I lick my lips.

I stick out my chin, daring him.  “Aren’t you gonna rip this dress off me?”  

“I like it too much to rip, I’m gonna fuck you in it instead.”  Goddamn.  I flutter my eyes and moan.   

He strips down and climbs over me in all his thick Alpha goodness.  His thumbs brush my thighs to lift my dress up and I jolt like he’s burned me.  

Ben peels down my drenched thong then balls it up and sniffs.  “I’m saving this as a souvenir,” he says.

“You still have my other one!”

He pumps his hard cock in his fist and scrapes his bottom lip with his teeth.  “I’m starting a collection.”  

Ben finally kneels between my legs and drags his cock along my slit, like slowly striking a match.  Fuck.   I’m nearly quaking with need now.  I grab his hips and dig my heels into his low back, trying to reel him inside.

He gets cozy, shifting his hips side to side, as his thick tip wedges inside my entrance.  He looks to me.  “Ready, babe?”

I nod frantically and he braces his arms beside me.  Ben sheathes himself in up to the hilt in one solid strike and I arch my back and moan.  Right where he belongs, hot and heavy.  Perfection.

He drags himself out to drive back in, bowing his back each time to fuck into me deeper.   Fuck, yes.  It feels just as good as when I was in heat, maybe even better because this is us, together, our real selves.  The sounds from my throat are so over the top, so ridiculous, that they sound fake.  If I weren’t so dizzy with lust, I’d probably be embarrassed.

Ben eats it up like birthday cake.  He’s smiling like a proud Alpha and it makes me whine even louder.  He’s so revved up he starts to pound into me, his hot, tight ass bouncing like a ball.  I can feel every point of contact between my soaked pussy and his cock of steel.  Does it feel this good for all soulmates, or just us?  Who knows, who cares, he’s all that I want.

He lowers onto a forearm to keep up his rhythm and kiss me at the same time.  Thumb and forefinger hold my jaw as I’m panting into his mouth.  He’s staring right into my eyes as I make little whimpering sounds against his lips.  He kisses me, then stares like he’s studying me.  It’s so fucking hot.

When his hand lowers to my breast he squeezes and then stops, balls deep.  Confusion clouds his face.  “What’s going on here?” he says, catching his breath.

I struggle to pull the dress off while he holds still, embedded to the hilt.  He eyes my breasts.  I answer the question written on his face.  “They’re chicken cutlets.”

“Da fuck?”

I quirk a smile at his cuteness.  What a boy.  “Silicon pads that stick on.  When you can’t wear a bra.”

“Ahh, I see.”  He smirks and maintains eye contact as he drops down to carefully bite the edge of one.  Looking like the devil, he pulls it back with his teeth until it pops off in his mouth.  I grab my breast in surprise and giggle.  He shakes his head and tosses it over his shoulder, sending it flying like a chew toy.

“Hey!  Animal!”  I slap his arm playfully.  

“I’ll show you animal,” he says and thrusts his hips once.  That shuts me up.  He peels the other pad off and spits it out too, then takes my nipple in his mouth.  

I lose time as he rocks his hips and laps at my tits until they’re pink and glistening.  My hands twist in his hair.  My inner muscles are tightening in on him as my climax builds.  He feels amazing.

Ben rolls us up to sitting.  I wrap my legs around his waist and he plants his feet on the floor.  He cups my ass in his huge palms to help me bounce in his lap, moving me as fast as he wants as I help.

I can’t stop kissing his beautiful face– his cheekbones, his forehead, the tip of his nose.  I bury my face in his neck and nibble on his scent gland. He moans and holds me down as he bucks so hard I gasp.

“Fuck, you don’t know what you do to me, baby” he says, panting, losing control.

“I feel exactly what I do to you,” I answer cheekily.

“I’m gonna fill your hot little cunt, Omega.”

“Yes, Alpha, please, I want it.”

“It’s mine now, baby.”

“Take it, Ben, Alpha, it's yours.”

We’re both on the edge now.  My hand finds my clit as I suck on his gland.  He tastes spicy and salty, and I’m drunk on it.  He’s not in rut, but I feel his knot swelling anyway, he’s so turned on.  His thick cock is pounding into me and he’s gonna pop a knot and fill me up.  That thought is enough to push me over.

I clench and pulse around him as I leave a love bite on his neck.  He holds me as I contract around him, quivering and whining in his arms.  I feel safe, I feel wanted. When it’s over, he growls and flips me onto my back and pushes my hair from my face.  He leaves his hands tangled he leans on his forearms, grunting and thrusting as I stare at him face to face.

It’s so damn intense, watching him this close.  I’m awash in emotion.  The truth spills out.

“Ben, I love you.  I love you,” I say softly.

He locks eyes with me and climaxes, shoving the knot deeper inside with each wave of cum, dark eyes on mine until we’re fitted together as one.

Ben’s chest is still heaving when he brushes my cheek with his fingertips.  I wrap my thighs around him to hold him close.  I look at him with wide eyes, worried about what he’s thinking.  

He smiles gently.

“I love you, baby, I always have.”

It feels like the final piece of a puzzle clicking into place.

Chapter Text

I’m four years old again, my hair in buns.  I run into my room and lock the door, then drag a small plastic play chair in front of it, just in case.  It wouldn’t stop him, but it’s all little me can think to do.

I grab my blanket and pillow and curl up under my bed into my favorite hiding spot.  My secret little nest is soft and small. I hug my toy kitty to my chest. She was bright orange and fluffy when I first got her from grandma, but now she’s a dingy tan with matted fur because I never let her go.  She smiles at me with a stitched on grin that never changes no matter what happens. Kitty calms me down.

The yelling moves closer.  I flinch and make myself as small as I can be.  Mama went out to lunch with friends and he’s angry.  She didn’t call home for hours. Her heat is a day away, and he’s greedy for her.  That just pisses her off more so they fight like hellcats. Something shatters on the floor, and I hide my head under my pillow.

One day it won’t be like this, I tell myself.  The storms on other people’s seas won’t threaten to drown me.  One day I’ll be safe. I sink lower into the blankets, burrowing down as if I could escape through the floor, and hold on for dear life to my one source of safety.  My lifeline. The waves of grief threaten to pull me under. One day, one day love won’t hurt this much.

“Shh.  Shh, baby.”  A low voice purrs in my ear.  “It’s okay, I’m here.”

I float up from my dream and my mind surfaces back to reality.  I’m lying in my bed at home. I’m safe. Ben curls around me, and I nuzzle into his side.  My cheeks are wet.

His hand rubs my back in slow circles and he starts to purr.  The heavy knot in my chest begins to untangle with his deep vibrations.  I sniffle and wipe my face.

“Sorry,” I mutter.  

“Hey, look at me,” he says softly.  It takes me a moment to blink up at him.  “Never apologize to me for having feelings,” he says, and kisses my forehead.

The kindness in his eyes makes my face crumple again.  I’m so used to bottling everything up, stuffing it down deep to stay strong, that it feels like a dam has broken and I’m drowning.  Crying at the restaurant last night and now this, oh God.

I lay back down on his chest to hide my face.  He smooths down my hair and continues to purr, giving me all the time I need.  The waves recede and I calm down.

We shower and then make plans for the day.  I have the appointment with Maz and then teach a class later, he has bootcamp and a staff meeting.  We figure out we can meet for lunch at his place and then later again after work for happy hour with Rose and Finn.  No more than 4 hours apart at a time, or the separation sickness will get us.

Also, I’ll miss him.

“Call me after your appointment,” he says as he leans against my door frame.  He’s doing the walk of shame in his nice slacks and unbuttoned dress shirt from our date last night.  I get a little Omega thrill thinking of all the other women in my building seeing that he’s spoken for.  Back off, ladies, this one is mine.

His hair is still wet from the shower.  I twirl a lock in my finger tips. “Okay,” I say, distracted by the dark curl.

“If you need me, text.  I want to know that it’s okay as soon as you know.”

“Okay,” I repeat.  He’s got a little five o’clock shadow on his cheeks.  I test it out with my fingers. It’s like a brand new toy, seeing his face now that the usual scruff is gone.

“I mean it, are you listening to me?”

“Okay,” I say, staring at his full, pink lips.  Does he use chapstick? Why are they so stupidly soft?

“Omega,” he says in his Alpha command voice.  “Listen to me.”

With a snap, he has my full attention.  I stare up with wide eyes as he bends down close.  His big mitt hand lands on my low back to hold me in place.  Ben is a few inches away from my face and demands my full attention.  I stare into his burnt coffee eyes, rapt.

“I love you,” he says.  His eyes aren’t sad anymore, but mine swell with tears.

“I love you,” I answer.  He kisses me goodbye. Watching his back walk away from me down the stairs feels like a small wound.

I’m so soft now it’s disgusting.  What is happening to me?

Call it the Ben Solo effect, I guess.

+++

My knee bounces as I sit in a plastic chair in Maz’s waiting area.  She asked me not to bring Solo, but it feels weird not having him here for this.  Whatever she tells me will effect him, too.

Maz greets me with a hug and I bend down into her tiny embrace.  She’s the closest thing I have to a maternal figure. The comfort of her arms takes away some of my nerves.

Instead of going to an exam room, she leads me back to her private office.  This is new. It’s decorated eclectically, piles of papers on her desk mixed in with tchotchkes and mugs, colorful art and photos hang on the walls and a bright fuschia sofa with zebra-print throw pillows.  It’s very Maz. Tons of books and sculptures line the bookshelves, but one big book sits open on the coffee table.

“Rey, child, how are you?” she asks with kind eyes.

“I’m feeling good, actually.  No more separation illness.”

“And how are you feeling, emotionally?”

I’m not prepared for that.  It’s such a simple question, but the answer is complicated.

“Well, to be honest, I’m kind of all over the place.”  I look down and fiddle with my hands. “I’ve been weepy and emotional, it’s like I’m having mega hormones or something.  It’s a lot.”

“Ahh,” she nods.  “I understand. And things with Solo?”  

“Oh, he’s great.  He’s amazing. He’s perfect, actually and just . . .”  I take a deep breath. “I love him.”

Maz’s smile sinks deeper into her cheeks.  She reaches a hand to gently rest on top of mine, and gives it a squeeze.  “That’s wonderful, ma chere. You’ve had some time to get to know each other.”

I smile back at her, still jittery.  It is wonderful but my body hasn’t caught up to it all yet.

“I wanted to talk to you alone because I have some information for you.  I think it’s important for you to hear it without any other influences, pheromones or otherwise.”

I nod, catching her drift.  But a pit forms in my stomach.

Maz takes her hand back and reaches for the book.  “I’ve been doing some tests on the samples I took and more historical research.”  She tries to sound clinical, but her eyes flick back to mine and I detect a sense of worry.  “And I think I’ve discovered something.”

I nod and lick my lips.

“The soulmate bond isn’t magic, though you could say there’s an emotional or spiritual component.  But it has a biological foundation.”

I’m surprised, but listen attentively, leaning in closer.  

“I don’t want to bore you with the technical details, but think of it as a very condensed form of the connection between all Alpha and Omega pairs– a combination of pheromones and hormones.”

I nod, worry creeping up my back.

“So on a cellular, genetic level, you and Solo are highly compatible.  It’s extremely rare, as you know, but your bodies recognized this genetic compatibility in each other through the communication of your pheromones.  Thus, the spark. It can be explained by science.”

My mind is racing to get to her point ahead of her.  “So if it isn’t the universe willing us to be together and is our biology, that means–”

“It can be broken,” Maz finishes.

I exhale sharply.  “But how? We can’t even spend a few hours apart or we get sick.”

“Right now you’re under each other’s influence.  The closer you became, the more time you spend together, your bodies are adapting to each other.  It’s a terrible metaphor, but think of it as a chemical addiction, like a drug. You became dependent on one another and that’s why the separation hurts.”

“So if we wanted to break it, we’d have to– detox?”

“Basically, yes.”  She looks down at the old book.  “It is such a rare bond, that breaking it is nearly unheard of.  But I think it could be done with the assistance of medicine and therapies.  It would be painful for both of you, certainly, but not fatal. And of course, if you did break the bond, you could never see each other again.  It would just recreate the ‘addiction.’”

My reaction is instantaneous.  “No,” I shake my head. “No. I don’t want to break it.”

Her smile rises and settles in.  “Are you sure?”

I think of Ben, cradling me in his arms that morning, and my eyes well up.  We’re all just mixes of hormones and chemicals, constantly shifting creatures whose moods can change based on what we eat, how we sleep, who we fuck, who we love.  It’s messy and dynamic and from one day to the next, my feelings can change. Pheromones control all of us, we just don’t always realize it.

But the way Ben has treated me, the relationship we’ve built together, that is real.  The way I feel for him, and me, is constant. That’s not a trick of pheromones, it’s what I want.

“Yes, I’m sure.  I love him. It’s not just the soulmate bond pushing us together.  My feelings are real and I know his are, too.”

Maz, usually reserved, gives a little squeal and hugs me.  It makes me giggle.

“Oh, ma chere, I was hoping you would feel this way.  Because to be honest, it would be a real pain in the ass to try to break that bond.”

I laugh in relief.  “I’m glad you told me this, Maz, because it honestly feels better knowing . . . I have a choice in the matter, I guess.”

She looks at me seriously.  “You always have a choice. I’m always here to help you if you need me, Rey, remember that.”

I nod and my eyes tear up again.  I’m going to need to buy more tissues.  “Can you please help me manage these emotions right now?  I’m a walking rollercoaster.”

Maz pats my shoulder.  “You’re entering the final phase of your bonding, child.  Your body is releasing a lot of pent up energy, and maybe pain, to make room for new feelings.”  

Tears start to stream down my face.  “How long will it last?”

“I can’t answer that, it’s whenever you are ready.  Solo and I can support you through it, but this is a journey you have to take on your own.  I have some oils and teas that will help ease symptoms.”

I’m not surprised by the answer, but it still feels like a punishment to go through this.  “When is the final phase complete?”

Her eyes are warm.  “When you and Solo are fully mated after your bites.  Then the bond is completed, for life.”

For life.   The words hang in the air.  

“Thank you, Maz.”  

“Of course, my Rey.  Now wait while I get you some things to take home.”

I pull out my phone and text Solo that I’m done and I’ll see him at lunch.

+++

I get to his house first.  He’s picking up salads and is about fifteen minutes out.  I let myself in with his hidden key.

It’s a bright day.  I walk down the long hall to the kitchen stepping from one bright island of sunlight to the next.  His house smells comfortable and old, like a worn leather baseball glove, a hint of him in every corner.  I pour a glass of filtered water from the fridge while I wait.

There’s a slight brushing sound by the door and I see a flicker of movement.  Then there’s a warmth against my calf and I look down.

Brownie is winding herself around the table leg, stretching to rub her jaw.  She sees me and with lazy eyes leans into my leg. It’s the first time she’s touched me.

I reach down and scratch behind her ear and she starts to weave figure eights around my leg and the table, moving in and out of my finger’s reach.  Maybe it’s because Ben’s not home yet, she’ll take whatever she can get. I still take it as a small victory that I’m growing on her.

The front door slams and the moment is lost.  Brownie startles and runs for the kitty door. It’s okay, I know she’ll be back.

“Bunny, I’m home,” Ben calls out in a sing-songy voice.

“In here, Alpha,” I reply.

He rounds the corner beaming from ear to ear.  He drops the bags on the table and dives for my neck.  I squirm and try to push him off.

“I missed you,” he says into my skin, then gives my gland a decadent lick of his tongue.  I shiver from head to toe. “How’s Maz?”

“She’s good.  She had some news.”

He plops down in the chair and opens up our salads.  Ben stops eating when I start relaying what Maz told me about the biological foundation of the bond.  He leans back in his chair with arms crossed over his chest, staring down at the wood like he’s deciphering something.  He flinches but otherwise doesn’t respond when I tell him the bond can be broken.

“What did you say to that?” he asks quietly, still not looking at me directly.  I see him bracing himself for rejection.

I stand up and move in front of him and then sit down on his lap.  He uncrosses his arms and rests a hand on my thigh as I hold the back of his neck.

“No.  I told her I don’t want to break it.”  He looks me straight in the eyes. “I told her I love you.”

He can’t contain his pride.  His chest swells and I kiss him before his grin can get any bigger.  He tastes like blue cheese dressing, the beast, and I eat up every bite anyway.

“When’s your class?” he groans into my neck as I nibble on his earlobe.

“A couple of hours,” I whisper back, giving him a nip.

“We’ve got time,” he scoops under my legs and grunts as he stands and hauls me up all at once.  

“Don’t you want to finish eating?”  I ask, kissing his chin.

Ben looks at me and grins.  “Uh huh,” he says with a mischievous look.  It shoots me straight in the crotch.

It’s impossible to kiss while undressing, but we try it anyway.  

“Lay back, honey, I want you in my mouth,” he says, guiding me back.

I shake my head and reach for his cock, “No, I want you.”  

“C’mere then,” he smiles, and I roll onto my side.  He turns me and lifts my leg, and now we can both get what we want.  

Ben’s mouth is sinful any day, but the way he licks me is a felony and my body is the willing accomplice.  I’m moaning in no time, his cock stuffed deep in my mouth. He’s hot and hard and I suck him down deeper, closing my eyes at the intense pleasure of it.  I can feel my legs start to shake and his hands wrap around my thighs and squeeze to hold me open. I start to whine and suck him harder and as deep as I can take him.  I want him to fill me up so deep I’ll always have a piece of him inside. I come in his mouth in huge, rocking waves, moaning around his cock, until he kisses my pussy farewell and slides himself out of my mouth.

I look up at him dreamily as he moves over me.  His hair falls around his face like a curtain shielding us from the rest of the world.  He moves between my legs and I know that he’s mine, and I’m his. Ben presses the thick tip in with a sweet smile.  He reaches for the hand above my head and holds me while I cup his cheek.

He sinks into my sopping cunt, easing in softly as I adjust to him.  I brush his smooth cheek with my thumb and he turns his head to give my hand a quick kiss before starting up a steady rhythm.

His hips brush against my thighs on every deep stroke of his cock.  I arch my back and he gives me a little more weight so my breasts rub against his ribs.  He flexes his hips and the touch of his skin to mine sets my heart flying even while he digs in deep to my pussy on each thrust.  I want to feel of much of him as I can.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he says.

“Don’t make me cry again,” I whisper back.

“You’re beautiful then, too,” he says, and I kiss him to shut him up.

It doesn’t take long for him to pick up the pace.  I can smell his heady blend of Alpha pheromones in the air and I open my legs wider to take him in.  I want to give him everything, and to take it all from him, greedy for whatever it is that he’s got. He fucks me faster until I beg him, “Come, Alpha, please,” so we can come together.  He does.

He’s wiped out afterwards so I let him nap.  I shower and leave for my class with a smile.

Chapter Text

It’s final push, my favorite.  

The final last two minutes of class to give it everything you have, challenge yourself, walk out of the room knowing you didn’t leave anything on the table.  Walk out with a boost of self-esteem and final little booty blast.

I stand by the iPad along with the volume on my mic and turn on a hot reggaeton song.

“This is it, ladies!  You’ve got this. One, two, one, two.  Tight, tighter, squeeze, squeeze.”

They all know what they are doing.  But when I’m cheerleading and challenging them, you can see the effect.  They all work harder, brows knit in concentration. My encouragement gives them the last bit of energy they need to push it past the finish line.  

I help them believe in themselves.

“This is your final ten seconds, you can do this!  Finish strong! Three, two, one . . . and that’s it, you did it!”  I skip to the next song, the final stretch, and lower the volume and the lights.

I meet them on my own mat and talk through the final hamstring and thigh stretches, rolling out tight shoulders and ankles, a final stretch for the seat.  We finish in savasana pose, as we always do.

I walk around the darkened room, my students all lying still and flat on their backs in absolute peace.  I speak in a soft, calm voice, for my final work of class.

“Close your eyes.  Take a deep breath in, hold for three counts, and exhale out slowly.  With every breath, release more tension from your body and mind. Let the breath take away any thoughts not serving you in this moment.”  

That last line strikes me.  I usually speak this part from memory, but today I truly feel it.  I see the truth of that statement. I can choose to let go. I can choose to give up anything not serving me in this moment.  I can leave the past where it belongs, in the past.

That’s a power.  I take a deep breath in and speak to myself as much as my students.

“Every day is an opportunity to try again.  Each moment we can choose what to focus on and what to let go.  Take this time to listen to yourself and your own heart. Decide what you can let go of and imagine how free, how much lighter, you will feel when you do.”

I swallow back a lump in my throat.

“Take these final moments to integrate the hard work you’ve done into your body.  Allow yourself to simply be and to feel. Accept you are everything you need to be in this moment.  Thank you for practicing with me today, take any time you need.”

I turn of my mic and walk to the iPad to turn up the volume for the final restful minutes of class.  I keep my back turned to my class as I wipe away a tear and drink from my S’well bottle.

I don’t think anyone noticed my surge of emotion, but if they did, that’s okay.  We’re all only human and we shouldn’t have to apologize for our feelings.

__________

I change into jeans and a tank after class, happy to slip on my Birks.  The bar is a few blocks away from the studio, so I lock up my gym bag in the car and walk over to meet Rose and Finn.  Ben texts me he’s left his house.

When I arrive at Star Killers, there’s already a bunch of students and teachers from Rebel Belle at the bar.  I spot Rose and run over to give her a huge hug. I order a margarita with salt because it feels like a celebration.  

I’m grinning at her like an idiot.  “What’s with you?” she asks. My energy is infectious and she grins back at me.

“Oh, you know,” I try to act casual and fail miserably.

“No, I don’t, dork, that’s why I asked!”

“I guess it’s just in-love stuff,” I shake my head, doing my best to look like a human version of the shrug emoji.

“GET OUT!”  Rose yells, and people around us turn as she gasps dramatically.  “Did you tell him?”

“Yup.”

“And he told you?!”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God, I’m so happy for you!”  She bounces up and down like she’s on a pogo stick, long ponytail bopping, and I nearly spill my drink.  Her joy and mine combine and the waterworks start up again. Rose wipes away tears, too, smiling as her eyes crinkle up at the corners like little bows.  I want to wail while crying out “I’m so happy!” and I truly don’t recognize who I am anymore.

When we finally get it together, I see Finn walk in with Poe.  The last time I saw Poe was in the woods after Ben knocked him out cold.  I was out of it in a heat-panic, and he was probably just trying to help me out.  It’s a bit awkward.

“Hi, Rey,” Poe says.  His closed-mouth smile is sheepish.  Poor guy, he doesn’t seem so bad after all, even if he is an Alpha.

We chat for a little bit about the weather and working out, safe topics.  My phone buzzes with a text. Ben is a minute out, and I get butterflies in my stomach in anticipation.  What a marshmallow.

Rose and Finn head to the dance floor.  I stay with Poe by the bar so I can see Ben when he walks in.  I take a sip of my margarita.  Poe says, “Um, you've got a little bit of, uh– here let me,” and he reaches out a hand to wipe off some salt from my cheek.

“Thanks,” I say.

“No problem.”  He smiles. 

All of a sudden, there’s a loud banging on the front window.  The entire bar rotates in unison like a set of satellite dishes to see the source of the loud commotion.

Standing on the other side of the glass, nostrils flaring like an angry bull, is Ben with a huge palm pressed against the window where he held it after his last slap.  His face is contorted in fury.

“Get the fuck away from her!” he bellows at the top of his lungs.

My jaw drops in astonishment and humiliation.  Poe takes a step away reflexively.  I’m dimly aware of everyone in my vicinity turning to stare at me, but I keep my eyes glued on Ben.  His Alpha rage hits every single one of my triggers.  He’s yelling at me like my dad would've yelled at my mom, and my shock morphs into anger.    

“Hold this,” I thrust my drink at Poe and stomp outside to confront him.

Ben’s waiting for me on the sidewalk.  “What the hell is wrong with you?!” I yell and some people walking by give us a wide berth.  Everyone in the bar is watching us, and I don’t need an audience, so I stalk past him around the edge of the building to the parking lot.

He follows behind me nearly growling.  “Me?  What am I doing?  What the fuck is he doing touching you, Rey?”

I stop and turn, standing my ground.  Ben hulks over me nearly vibrating with anger.  He puts his hands on his hips and it makes his shoulders impossibly wider.  I’m not intimidated, although I probably should be.  My inner Omega voice is a little thrilled he’s acting so possessive, but the rest of my mind is screaming in alarm and wants to flee.  I'm not weak, so instead I face him down.

“You need to calm down!”

“I walk up, excited to see you, and instead find that douchebag Alpha touching you?!” he yells.

“I had something on my face!  He was just being nice!”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” he huffs and clenches his jaw.

“Whatever, you!”  I yell back and point at his chest.  It’s dumb and doesn’t make sense, but neither does this.  We love each other, who the hell cares about Poe anyway?  “Why are you acting like this?!  You think I'm remotely interested in him?”

"No."  He looks back and forth between my eyes as I stare at him.  Ben huffs again and runs his hands through his hair and stops to hold it back from his face.  “I don’t honestly know.”  

With a heavy sigh, he drops down to sit on the curb.  His shoulders slump forward and he looks at the ground between his knees.

I remember Maz’s words.  “You’re entering the final phase of your bonding, child.  Your body is releasing a lot of pent up energy, and maybe pain, to make room for new feelings.”  

I’ve been swimming in uncontrolled emotions as things have bubbled up, but Ben has a lot of pent-up anger and pain from rejection, too.  He’s helped me through my release.  I want to be there for him.

I think about my parents and their constant tug of war.  How my Alpha dad just wanted to know my Mom cared about him.  Ben isn’t my dad, I’m sure of that, but I think I know what he needs.

I sit down next to him and hold his hand.  He looks at where our fingers twine.  “Ben, you know I want you. I don’t care about Poe at all.  I love you. I’m yours.”

He looks up and nods.  “I know, baby.”

“Why does he upset you so much then?”  

Ben closes his eyes.  “If you knew what it was like that night.  You ran away, and I didn’t know where you were.  Then in the woods I heard you screaming, and ran up to find him on top of you.  You were so terrified . . .”

I swallow.  I never considered what that was like for him, finding me that way.  The emotions he felt in response to mine.  It must have been terrifying.

His voice is low as the words pour out.  “Everything inside me snapped in half.  I can’t even explain the pure rage I felt.  If he hurt you, I may have killed him.”  

I wrap my arm around his bicep and lay my head on his shoulder.  He’s been so patient with my neediness, I can be patient with his aggression.  I know the real him.  I know his heart.  “I’m so sorry, baby.  Poe didn’t do anything to me.  But that was so scary for you.”  

He leans his cheek on the top of my head.  We sit for a few minutes quietly.  I rub my thumb along the muscle of his arm and just enjoy having him this close.

Eventually Ben stands up and offers me a hand.  He pulls me into his chest.

I draw a circle on his back with my finger as I start to think out loud.  “You know, we’re going through all these feelings because it’s the final bonding stage.”

He grunts in affirmation.  

I get an idea.  “But there’s something we can do to end this.  To get over these feelings faster.”

“What?” he asks.

I hug him tighter and look up at him, setting my jaw on his chest.  His warm eyes look down at me patiently.  “Bite me,” I say as sweetly as I can.

“What, baby?”  There’s a spark of excitement in his eyes.  

Urged on, I dive in with both feet.  “Mate me. If we mate each other, the soulmate bond is complete.  It’s forever.  We’ll have security and won’t feel like this anymore.”

I feel his chest expand as he takes a deep breath in and sighs it out.  I can feel his pride and happiness flooding out of him, his pheromones a happy blend of joy and excitement.  I let my hope shine through my eyes, even as my nerves are twisting in my stomach at the thought of forever.

“Rey, I love you,” Ben says.

“I know, I love you, too.”

“And that’s why I’m not going to mate you right now.”

My smile falters.  This wasn’t what I was expecting at all.  “Why not?”  I'm on the edge of tears again.  His arms lock me in tighter and give me no space to panic.

“Because I know you aren’t ready for forever yet, and I want to do this the right way.”  The intensity of his look makes me feel the intention of every word, as if his heart were speaking directly to mine.  

“I love you enough to work through these feelings with you.  I love you enough to give you time.  I love you enough to prove to you every single day that I can be there for you, and that I can control my shit.  That I’m worth your trust.  I love you enough to wait until you're truly ready.”

By the time he’s done, I’m crying, because evidently that’s what I do now.  He kisses me and I lean into the safety of his embrace, a soggy mess.

I nuzzle into his pectoral like a pillow.  “So what do we do now?” I ask after I find my voice again.

“You move in with me,” Ben replies.  “Just a week at a time, and when you’re ready for it, for real.  Then I buy you something sparkly for your hand and you get used to that for a while.  Then we make a plan and set a date, and then we get a license.  Then we make it legal in front of everybody we know and I take you to Hawaii or some shit and bite the hell out of you.”

I giggle.  “Hawaii, really?”  I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii.

“Anywhere,” he says and kisses me again.  “Anywhere is good.”

He turns and I tuck myself under his arm.  “But for tonight, we go back inside and I try really, really hard to not punch Poe Dameron.”

I lasso his arm around my shoulders and twine our fingers together.  “Sounds like a plan.  And please don't, he’s still holding my drink.”

I match his gait as we walk back in, hip to hip.  I can’t resist slapping his tight ass and squeezing it, like testing out a ripe melon.

It feels perfectly, exactly right.

______________

The End

(except for the epilogue)

Chapter Text

Growing up, I never could identify with fairytales.  The handsome knight rescued the beautiful princess from the witch– or the dragon, or the lonely tower, or whatever– and carried her away in his strong arms.  They kissed and it’s happily-ever-after time– fade to black. They always ended so perfectly, and one thing my chaotic life had taught me was it definitely wasn’t perfect.  Fairytales didn’t seem like they were made for kids like me.  

You never got to see the hard parts.  The parts that came after the rescue.

The mornings when the princess wakes up trembling because she dreamed of the witch again, and he whispers that she’s safe now as she cries into his chest.   

The times they rage and scream and take out their old hurts on each other, because they’re both so used to fighting off dragons and old habits die hard.

The nights she curls around him like the big spoon, because he’s been locked away in a lonely tower, too, and you don’t just walk away from that so easily, even when it’s out into the light.

Most fairytales don’t show you the painful parts of happily ever after or the work of rescuing each other a little bit more each day.

The hard stuff is just as beautiful.  Maybe more so, because the hard stuff is real.

I’ll take real over perfect any day.

__________

You know, if I didn’t love Ben Solo so damned much, it would be annoying that he was right about everything.  That man can read me like a guidebook already. The old Rey would’ve been terrified by that, but now I just feel so lucky and grateful.  Step by step, we move closer to forever together. It all works out just like Ben predicted.

After that night in the parking lot, we never spend more than four hours apart.  The separation illness doesn’t return even when we push it a little. Maz thinks it’s because we got so used to sleeping together each night that we formed a soft-bond or sorts after a few weeks.  It could be that, or maybe since we knew we loved each other our bodies decided to finally chill out. Either way, after a month it just feels natural to be together as much as possible.

Most nights we sleep at Ben’s house, since he has Brownie to take care of and no neighbors to yell at us to keep the noise down.  It’s not a huge surprise when after three months together, he asks me if I want to make it permanent.

I’m bent over my kitchen table writing out my next rent check when Ben’s arms wrap around my waist.  He hooks a chin over my shoulder to watch.  

Turning his head, he whispers seductively into the shell of my ear, “ Has anyone ever told you that you have the handwriting of a kindergartner?”  

“Shut up, Solo,”  I say and ass-check him with a bump.  He grunts. 

“Just saying.” He nuzzles in deeper behind my ear as the words buzz under my skin. “Terrible.”

His whiskers tickle my neck, and I squirm.  “You gonna teach me to write pretty, Mr. Calligraphy?”  He takes pride in his beautiful handwriting, and it pains me to admit that he’s not wrong about mine.  

Ben slowly thrusts to grind his hips into my ass.  “I could.” He nips at my earlobe, and my cheeks heat up.  “I could teach you lots of stuff, Bunny. Bet you’re a fast learner.”

I’m flooded with warm tingles as I finish signing my name.  Ben kisses my temple and says in a more earnest whisper, “Move in with me.  For real.”

I freeze, remembering his words from the parking lot:

“You move in with me,” Ben replies.  “Just a week at a time, and when you’re ready for it, for real.  Then I buy you something sparkly for your hand and you get used to that for a while.  Then we make a plan and set a date, and then we get a license. We make it legal in front of everybody we know and I take you to Hawaii or some shit and bite the hell out of you.”

A charge of excitement courses through me.  Am I ready yet? It’s a big step, giving up my place.   

“Just think of all the money you’ll save, babe,” he says as he leans over to look at me.  

“Mm-hm, the money.”  I raise my eyebrows, “So that’s the reason?”

“And the sex.  So much sex.”  He grins and strokes my lower back, before giving my ass a pat.

“I’m pretty sure we’re optimized in that department already.”  I lean back into the comfort of his chest and wrap a hand behind his neck.  My own joking tone becomes uncertain. “Are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely.  You ready to make that your last check?” he asks softly, tightening his arms.  “Please?”

I find his eyes and there it is again, that sweet look of hope.  The longing there melts my heart every time.  

I’m surprised how easily it rolls off my tongue.  “I’m ready, Alpha.”

He squeezes my waist and it doesn’t feel like a trap.  It feels like safety.

______________

His bootcamp buddies load up my meager belongings into his truck and in one afternoon it’s a done deal.  I’ve let go of my last thread of independence for now and said goodbye to my apartment. I’m all in.

After they all leave, I’m a bit antsy and on edge.  I imagine this is how Brownie the cat would feel if we nailed her kitty door shut with her inside.  Trapped, but not exactly afraid, just uncertain. Ben picks up on my mood and gives me some space to settle in on my own.  I unpack boxes and arrange things, mixing in my stuff with his. Taking the time to adjust.

A few hours later, I find him on the couch watching a game.  He fans his arms open wide to welcome me in, and I curl up on his side and draw a blanket down on top as our legs wind together.

And that’s it.  I have a new home now, with Ben.

___________

Six months in, and Ben wakes me one morning with breakfast in bed.  My heat is about to start soon– they’re on a regular cycle now that I’m living with him– and I’m a bit emotional.

He’s holding a tray with hot homemade pancakes (with almond flour, naturally) and a tea cup covered by a small dish to keep it warm.  There’s also a cup of fruit and a small bunch of wildflowers in a vase.

“Rise and shine, Bunny,” he says, waking me with a grin.  “Surprise.”

I sit up, bleary-eyed, and tuck the sheet up under my armpits.  I’m naked in bed, too fucked-out last night to bother with a nightgown.  

I look at him with the food, immediately suspicious.  “What’s this for?”

“Because,” is all he says, laying the tray carefully down on my lap.

He stands up straight again and rubs his palms together, shoulders rising in anticipation.  Ben has an absolutely terrible poker face. Something is clearly up for him to be this giddy.

“What,” I say, brow furrowing.

“Can’t I surprise my girl with breakfast?”

“Hmm,” my mind swirls to think of what reason he could be buttering me up this close to my heat.  “Is this because you want to try anal?”

The look of absolute shock on his face makes me throw back my head and laugh. 

“No!” he sputters out, “I mean, yeah, sure if you want to– but no!  That’s not why I’m bringing you breakfast!”

My giggles slow down and I take a bite of pancake. “Mmm. Yummy!”

“You think?”  He sits on the bed and gently rubs my thigh.  His hand covers more than half of it. “I got the recipe online.”

“Delicious, babe.  You’re so sweet.” I lean over the tray to kiss him.  Then I pull off the lid to the tea.

There’s a tea bag inside, but no tea.  Just a small velvet box. My smile melts away as I realize what’s happening here.  My eyes go wide as I look back to him.

 Ben’s beaming and his hand on my thigh squeezes.  “Open it, Bunny.”

The light in the room wavers as my eyes get wet.  His own eyes follow suit as I watch, biting my lower lip.

I carefully reach in and open up the box.  Inside is a diamond ring, square cut, not too big or flashy.  Simple and pretty.   

“Do you like it?”  His voice is soft.

I nod and a tear drops down on the velvet.  I scoop out the ring and slip it on my finger, studying it, too emotional to talk yet.

“Does it fit?  I had to swipe one of your other rings while you were at work to get it sized.  I asked Rose to help me choose the style.”

Of course.  Rosie had been grinning at me like a fool for two weeks straight, but I thought it was because she and Finn finally decided to move in together.

“It’s– it’s . . .”  I choke up on the words.  Ben looks worried for a minute, but it’s a word I rarely use so it feels weird saying it.  “It’s perfect.”

His thumb cups my jaw to lift it.  I look back at him, trying to hold back the messy tears that I can feel coming.  He slides to the floor to get down on one knee, because if my man is anything, he’s a traditionalist.

“Rey Jakkobsen, will you marry me?  Be my mate?”

There’s a thick fog of emotion in my chest and it almost chokes me.  Love, happiness, fear, excitement– but I choose to hang on to the one emotion that I see shining so clearly in Ben’s eyes.  Hope.

Hope always beats fear.

“Yes, Ben Solo.  I’ll marry you and be your mate.”

He surges forward and kisses me as I laugh and tumble back into the pillows.  He peppers my face with kisses then my neck and he moves down my chest, pulling the sheet away.

“I can’t believe you proposed to me while I was topless,” I laugh breathlessly, combing my fingers into his thick hair.

“Seems pretty on brand for the Solos,” he mumbles as his soft lips take in a nipple and I gasp at the ceiling.

The Solos.  We’re going to be the Solos. 

Too bad I didn’t get to finish those pancakes.

Chapter Text

One year to the day that I marched over to give that beefy Alpha a piece of my mind, I’m upstairs in our room getting ready to marry him.

A lot can happen in a year.

We’d debated where to hold the ceremony.  Destination wedding? But all our friends are broke.  Traditional, in a church? We don’t belong to any, plus my side of the aisle would be empty with no family.  At the Supremacy? Just, eww.

We finally decided on the place most meaningful to us: our house.  We’d rent a tent, find a band, hire Maz’s daughter to run the catering, and buy up all the booze in advance from Costco.  A get-together of a hundred of our closest friends.  

That just left Ben’s side of the family.  I could tell he was debating it. They were still estranged, but starting off our life together in front of the people we cared about most was important to us.  With some gentle nudging and support from me, we sent invites to his parents and uncle, also. An olive branch that I felt certain they would take.

A wedding at home in the Spring.  Nice and quiet. Easy.  

Except for the fact that a week in advance, it was predicted to rain.  Or more accurately, monsoon.

We were lying in bed, legs pretzeled together, as I read the weather app with growing apprehension.  

“What will we do?  We can’t fit a hundred people in here!”  I chewed the inside of my cheek. Deposits had been made.  Contracts signed.

“We’ll do it frat style.  They can pack in downstairs, and we’ll stand on the stairs.”  He traced lazy figure eights on my back with an index finger, circles looping on my skin. 

I rolled my eyes at him.  “Ben. Be serious.”

“I am.”  He met my stern look with raised eyebrows.  “I seriously don’t care where the fuck they stand.  Out in the rain, peeking in the windows. I’m marrying you no matter what.”

It was both incredibly annoying and wonderful.  He wanted me.  My Alpha really, really wants me.   A fire set alight in my chest.  Also in my nether regions, to be honest.  

“Well, that’s not very hospitable of you,” I said, but rolled over to fit myself into his arms anyway.

He purred and tickled the tip of my nose with his.  “I’ll show you hospitable, baby. C’mere.”

Rain or shine, the wedding was definitely on.  

_______________

So here I am, getting ready on my wedding day.  Kaydel is excellent at make-up and Rose with hair, so my two two bridesmaids are dolling me up as I sit with a straight back in front of the mirror in my bedroom.

We’d gone to a spa day yesterday and gotten facials and our nails done, which was a rare occurrence for me.  They’d even encouraged me to get a little bit of extra . . . ahem, “ladyscaping,” done down there to surprise my groom, who was currently getting ready downstairs with his guys.  I crossed and uncrossed my legs nervously, itching to get started.  

I just wanted to see Ben.

“Hold still, Rey, or I’m gonna give you a wonky eye!”  Kaydel said, giggling.

“I can’t.  I’ve got so much energy.  I feel like I’m gonna burst.”  I start tapping my toes to get the nerves out.  Then flexing my fingers. Nothing is helping.

This is crazy.  He’s just downstairs.  I saw him a few hours ago, so why am I freaking out so much? 

“You have an hour to go, and I can’t have you bursting before photos,” Rose says patiently.  “Just breathe.”

I close my eyes and focus.  I see his smiling face before me, and slow down my heart rate.  It’s okay. It’s happening today no matter what. Ben said so.  

I’m going to go to bed as Mrs. Ben Solo tonight, and tomorrow we fly to Hawaii.

It rained all night, but the thunderstorms have mostly cleared now.  The grass is wet, but the tent has a platform so it’s okay. At least that’s something.  No massive rain after all.

My phone pings on the table.  I lean over to pick it up as Rose curses under her breath at me.  It’s from Ben, one room below me.

I miss you Bunny.

I type back smiling at the screen.  I miss you too <3.

I watch the three little dots form into words, and my heartbeat skips.  I can’t wait to make you mine.

Oh god me either I’m dying up here

Let me come up and take your mind off things 

Naughty boy.  I shake my head.  Seems like he’s not traditional about everything.  No it’s bad luck to see you before!

Not if I make you cum then it’s good luck

Ben!!!!  I type back with my jaw dropped open.  I can almost hear his chuckle.  

I start laughing so hard that Kaydel sighs and puts her hands on her hips.  “Can you two stop that for long enough to actually get married ?” 

“Gross, right?”  Rose smiles and winks.

“Totally gross,” Kaydel grins back.

“Sorry.  Sorry!” But I do feel better now.

––––––––––––

It’s time.

I walk down the stairs carefully in my heels as my two bridesmaids follow faithfully behind.

I’m wearing a simple, strapless dress with a blue satin ribbon tied at the waist.  The real surprise is the skirt. No train, but lots of billowing, puffy light layers that seem like they’re made of chiffon and whipped cream.  When I saw it in the store, something inside me became airy and light, too. No one would expect I’d pick something so girly, especially not me.  I’m usually understated, but this? Full-on princess mode. I figure I’m only going to get married and mated once, so no reason to hold back. Go with my dream.  

If only nine-year old Rey could see me now.  What would she think? I wish I could go back and tell her, as sad and lonely as she was, that it’s all gonna be alright one day.  She’ll find her prince. She’ll get her happy ending, too.

I turn the corner to step into the kitchen and wait for the cue.  I can see out the window into the tent out back. The guests are seated on folding chairs on either side of the walkway that’s sprinkled with rose petals. Standing dead center, so tall you could never miss him, is Ben.  Dark hair brushed back, black suit trim over his wide shoulders, the mere sight of him makes me exhale in relief. He’s shifting weight side to side and his hands are clasped in front of his waist. He must be nervous, too.

I take a deep inhale and move to the open doorway.  Rose waves to the band, and the song changes to our wedding march.  Ben turns and looks expectantly over his shoulder.  

Our eyes lock. If my heart could break out of my chest and fly to him, it would.

I watch as his lips part and his expression warms as he takes in the sight of me.  I grip my bouquet tight in my fist and focus only on walking to him. Everyone else fades away, a blur of color in my periphery, as my vision narrows to just him.  Each step, inch by inch, only takes me closer.  

Closer to our forever.

I thought I would cry.  I see the tears form in his dark eyes and he swallows.  But strangely, all my nerves and fear disappear. I feel absolutely calm and at peace.  It’s okay now, because we’re together. I’m floating on a cloud that leads only to him. I’m home.

Then I reach out a hand and he takes it in his huge paw and squeezes.  It grounds me at his side. He dips down and kisses my cheek.

“You’re gorgeous, baby,” he murmurs, then steals a kiss on the lips.

“Hey, wait until the vows!” the parson says aloud, and everyone erupts into laughter and cheers.

“Sorry, Sir,” Ben says sheepishly.  My cheeks pink. They’re already sore from grinning so much.  

I hear a sniffle behind me and glance over my shoulder.  There’s a small brunette woman sitting in between two older men with salt and pepper hair.  They’re all smiling. She dabs at the corner of her eye with a tissue, but she looks so happy.  I see Ben’s same warm, brown eyes staring back from her regal face. His mom. I nod in greeting and she smiles back, then I turn to face the parson as he begins to speak.  

Ben grips my hand so tight during the service, it’s like he’s afraid it will slip from his grasp and he’ll lose it.

It won’t.  He won’t.  

Not ever.

____________

After the ceremony and the kiss, in which Ben lifts me off my feet and spins me in a circle as the other Alphas hoot and holler, we run inside the house for a quick moment alone before the pictures as the set up the dance floor in the tent.

Ben leads me into the kitchen and then turns a sharp left to drag me into the laundry room as Rose calls out behind him, “Hey, where are you taking her?”

“Just a minute!” he calls out, closing the door firmly behind us.

He spins me around, and we’re both laughing and breathless.  Our first moment alone as man and wife.

“Why, hello there, Mrs. Solo,” Ben says with a wolfish grin.

“Hi yourself, Mr. Solo,” I say, smiling back.

“Fancy meeting you here.”

I roll my eyes and giggle at my huge dork of a husband as he leans down over me, slowly walking me backwards until my ass hits the laundry machine.

“There’s something I’ve wanted to do ever since he made us legal,” he says, voice a low growl.

“That was five minutes ago.”  My stomach is fluttering at the way he’s looking at me.

“I know,” Ben leans his arms around me to cage me in.  “An eternity.”

He looks every bit as devious as a cat who’s swallowed a canary.  The fluttering in my stomach turns to a slow, boiling heat that sinks downward between my legs.  “Well, what is it?” I ask, curious and excited.

“This,” Ben says and suddenly drops to his knees.  He grabs the hem of my skirt and ducks his head under as I squeal in surprise.

“Ben!  You can’t!  They’re waiting just outside the door!”

He’s plowing through the layers of slips and skirts like a dog digging for a bone as I dance on the balls of my feet.  

“Then you have to be very quiet, don’t you?”

“Ben!”

He finally strikes gold, and I feel his hands wrap around my thighs to part them.  I’m wearing white knee highs with garters and a sheer, white thong.

He pauses.  I hear him inhale under the layers of fabric.  His head bobs under the satin. “What in the . . . wow.”

I bite my lip.  So he’s seen the ladyscaping.  All that remains is a landing strip.  His heavy breath is muffled under the skirts, and my nerves grow.

Does he hate it?  “Babe, are you okay under there?”

“Is this for me?”  He sounds thunderstruck as he gently brushes across my crotch.  Then softer, “Mine. All mine.”

My cheeks are a four-alarm fire.  Thank goodness he can’t see them under there.  “Um, yes. Do you like it?”

A beat of quiet.  “I need a moment.”

“In a good way?”  I nibble my lip.

He answers by leaning in so close to my pussy that I can feel his hot breath scorch my skin.  Then he kisses me tenderly through the fabric. “I feel like I’m meeting her again for the first time,” he says.

I have to slap a hand over my mouth to quiet my guffaw.  Ben holds my legs tighter then whispers softly, lovingly to my now soaking thong, “Hello, darling.  I’m going to take such good care of you.”  

Idiot.  This huge, beautiful man is such an idiot.  “Ben! We don’t have time for this!”

He still hasn’t emerged from under my skirts as he growls out, “Send everyone home.”

“No!”  I laugh and squirm.  “We haven’t even done the cake or dancing yet!”

In response, he moves the thong to the side with a finger, and I jolt at the unexpected heat of his mouth on my slit.  Holy Moses, did I need that. I whine as his soft lips slip on my aching body, both a balm and accelerant.  

I start to whimper in time with his tongue.  “Shhh, Rey,” he whispers, blowing softly on my pussy as I shiver.  “Don’t wake her yet.”

He’s talking to my pussy.

I slap him on the shoulder, and he chuckles before beginning to suck in earnest.  He drapes my thigh over his shoulder and all my ire fades away. My head lolls to the side as I lean back on the washing machine, the feel of his lips on my newly-exposed skin so deliciously sensitive.  Soon his clever lips and tongue have ratcheted me up right to my edge. My leg starts kicking on it’s own against the washing machine, like some XXX reflex test.

I reach over and push the start button on the drier to drown out the noise.  Don’t mind us, just doing laundry during our own wedding!

The sounds he’s making under there are wet, lewd and absolutely glorious.  I look down at my hand and see the sparkle of my engagement ring and the simple band of tiny diamonds that prove that I’m his now, forever and ever.

I shatter to a million pieces and bite my lip to keep from crying out too loud.  When Ben finally stands up, unearthing himself from all that fabric, his face is pink and chin is glistening.  His hair and jacket are a disaster.  

I’m teeter on my heels like I’m a wobbly drunk as I wipe his face and try to clean him up.

“Baby, we haven’t even done the pictures yet!”  I say.

“Worth it,” he grins, smacking his lips.  “This moment will be memorialized.”  

“You’re a filthy maniac,” I say with a great wave of affection.

“And you married me, so what does that make you?”  Ben cups my hips in his huge hands to pull me against his chest.

“Mrs. Maniac,” I coo to his lips, and kiss him right back.

Chapter Text

“Babe, we’re landing.”

Ben’s hand on my shoulder squeezes gently, and I blink my eyes open and yawn.  Considering all the champagne and dancing last night– not to mention the after-party in our bed– it’s a miracle I’m conscious at all.  The low hum of the airplane put me right to sleep somewhere past Arizona.

He leans across my seat and lifts the window shade.  I have to squint against the light, but once I do I gasp.  It’s endless waves of deep azure waves.  I can barely make out the line of the horizon from the water.  The plane makes a slow turn, and reveals below the chain of islands nestled in the Pacific like deep, green emeralds.  Ribbons of white sand wind like garlands around the coastline.  Hawaii.  

I’ve never been anywhere before, let alone a paradise.  I grip his arm and smile.

“Gorgeous.”

“Yeah, she is.”  I turn and Ben is smiling at me.  I shake my head at my sweet goon of a husband and kiss him.

We fasten our seatbelts tighter and hold hands through landing until the wheels roll to stop on the runway.  One week together for a heat-honeymoon on Maui at an exclusive mating resort.  He’s going to bite me and our soul bond will be complete.  

I’m excited, but nervous at the same time.  

____________

The concierge at the Coral Cove beachside mating resort is clearly experienced at handling nervous new couples.  At check in, he hands us a brochure and order form so we can select meals and delivery times for a week’s worth of food and laundry in advance, while we’re still coherent.  He gives Ben the key to our cabin and explains the private beach access.  No one will come close to us except to deliver food and linens.

We’re all set.  Everything we could possibly need to fuck each other’s brains out for a week.

We follow the bellhop down the winding trail to our cabin.  The aesthetic is on the spare and rustic side, but I love that.  The full-length doors of the Japanese-style cabin slide open to make giant windows facing the beach on one side and the lush green jungle winding up the hill behind us.  We can’t see any other other cabins through the vegetation, so I’m hoping that means they can’t see us . . . or hear us.  Not that I’ll be worrying much about that soon, anyway, once the heat takes me over and my needy Omega takes the wheel.

Its a comfortable silence as we start to unpack.  Ben opens the windows wide so we can hear the waves.

My phone pings with a message from Rose.  “Brownie’s eating okay so far, but Rose wants to know where’d you put the extra treats?”

Ben tsks.  “You and Rose spoil her.  She’s a tough old gal, she doesn’t need treats.”

I fix him with a stern look.  “Even tough gals need some extra lovin’ sometimes, babe.”

He saunters closer, tongue roving in his mouth, and gets a twinkle in his eye.  He spanks my ass, and it jiggles under his hand.  “Don’t I know it.”

I try to type back to Rose, but my husband sidles up behind me like a shadow made of heat.  The way he’s squeezing my hips is very distracting.  By the time his soft lips find my neck, I give up the fight and drop my phone onto the bed.

“Mmm, feels good,” I murmur as my head lolls forward, giving him more access as my skin erupts in goosebumps.

His voice takes on a huskier tone, a bit of a rasp on the consonants as he says, “feels good what, Omega?”

His hands make a slow path of squeezes up to my breasts to cup and rub through my shirt as he nibbles at my gland.  My eyelids flutter shut.  I know what he wants to hear, and the deepest part of me wants to give it to him.  Willingly.  

“Feels good, Alpha,” I answer breathlessly.

“Good girl,” he says and gently leads me to bend down to the bed.  I crawl up obediently on hands and knees.  “So good for me, so beautiful.”

I used to be afraid that being an Omega made me weak in his eyes, but I know that’s not true.  He’s as much of a goner for me as I am for him.  In fact, my Alpha kneels for no man, but he happily kneels down behind me.

Ben slides down my shorts and thong, and then his mouth is on me.  I whine and my head falls forward, bracing myself on elbows to arch up for him at a sharper angle.  It’s so easy to check out and fall safely into my Omega headspace now because I trust him completely.  I present my ass to him like an Academy Award, and my Alpha hungrily takes it.

His thick fingers knead the flesh of my ass, then one hand pulls back and lands with a slap.  I moan, so he does it again.

He works me up steadily with his mouth and hands, thick fingers rubbing and soothing.  His thumbs trace the ridge of muscle along my spine and unhook my bra with a flick.  He pinches a nipple, and I’m damn near panting, but Ben doesn’t let me come like this.  My Alpha knows I’m far too greedy for his cock to be satiated by just his mouth.  

Ben gets me up to that edge then stands and shuffles closer.  A rustle of clothing as his pants drop, then the fat, hot head of his cock strokes down my dripping slit, waiting when I really wish he wouldn’t.

“You want this, wife?”  Ben asks, teasing.  I both love and hate it.

“Yes, Alpha, please!”

“You beg so pretty.  How do you want it?  Just like this?”  He swats my ass and then grabs a handful.

I nod my head, but lean back more, trying to entice him to move.  Take it, Alpha.  Just take it.

“Hard or soft, sweetheart?”  He asks again, brushing a little deeper and splitting my soft folds around him.

“ Fuck,” I groan.  “Hard.  More!” 

“Bossy, but I like it.”  He spanks me again, and I gasp.  “My girl knows what she wants.”

He aligns himself and then grips my hips.  “And I give it to her.”   

And we’re off.

Ben plunges in and holds before starting with sharp, deep thrusts.  I grip the sheets in fists as I arch and push back against him.  It’s glorious how his thick cock fills me and hits that sweet spot over and over.  A slow cry of pleasure winds out of my throat, egging him to move faster.  He changes the pace to long slow slides, and I have to press my lips together because I’m embarrassingly happy with the way that feels.

Back to the sharp and quick, and now he folds over my back, huffing hot breath against my cheek.

“Gonna mate you.  Make you mine,” he grits out.  It’s a guttural voice, his full Alpha, and wave of heat rolls down my spine.  It’s both deeply pleasing and somewhat terrifying the control he holds over me and how readily my body responds. 

Equally terrifying is that I absolutely love it.  “Yes, yes,” I moan.

“Whose are you?  Who?”

“Yours, Alpha!  Only yours.”

“That’s. Right. Mine.”  He pounds solid and deep to punctuate each word, a filthy emphasis that makes my heart skip.

His transitions into a slow, grinding rocking, and he brushes my loose hair away from my shoulder and begins to kiss my neck, and I . . . 

My eyes snap open.  “Wait!”

Ben holds still, panting.  “What?”

“Wait.  Not yet.”  My heart is pounding painfully and for some reason my mind is screaming that something is wrong.  I can’t do this yet.  “Don’t bite me yet.”

“Okay.”  He doesn’t sound hurt, just confused.  “What do–”

“Keep going.”  I reach back and grab his hip, tugging him back against me so he won’t pull away.  “Just no bite.”

“Okay.”  He starts up again, and it doesn’t take us long, despite the interruption.

We end up in a pile of limbs on the bed.  Happy and twisted together as we fall asleep.

____________

The time zone shift throws me off, and I wake up to moonlight.

The sliding door is still open, so we must’ve slept through dinner delivery.  I see a wheeled cart just outside the doorway with a lid.  The server was wise to not step across the threshold with newly-married Alpha.

Ben is sleeping on his front, hair tossed across his forehead, thick biceps framing his face.  Peaceful and happy.  It’s hard for me to remember the time when I thought he was a typical brute Alpha, all bluster and arrogance.  Despite his build and intimidating looks, he couldn’t hide the sweetness behind those warm eyes and it’s all I see now. 

I bundle up in a plush robe they provided– which I’m assuming we either get to keep or they burn after the week, because dear Lord– and walk barefoot out on the porch.  It’s so quiet here.  The stars twinkle down and reflect over the ocean as the waves slide gently home to shore.  There’s something about the moon on the water that feels magical, like a piece of the heavens falling to earth.  I soak up the tranquil beauty of the scene, crossing my arms and leaning a shoulder against the doorframe.

Heavy footsteps approach behind me and then a kiss on my temple.  

“Hey, Mrs. Solo.”

“Hey, Mr. Solo.”  It gives me a little thrill saying it. 

Ben walks to the cart to inspect the food under the silver lid and comes back with a chicken leg for both of us.  “Here.  You need some protein.”

“Yes, dear.”  I smile at him, teasing, but I do mean it.  He’s a wonderful Alpha and provider. 

We watch the ocean together and eat.  A light breeze tickles my cheeks.  I can feel that he’s restless, trying to choose the right words to break the silence with.  

He finally huffs and says,  “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.  I– I don’t know why I said that earlier.”

“It’s okay.  There are no rules about this.”  He gestures between us.  “And if you don’t want to this trip, then we–”

“No, I want to, Ben.  I just–” I turn to him.  It’s hard to explain when I hardly know myself what I’m feeling.  I sigh.  “I think it was my last bit of fear.” 

His eyes are flooded with concern.  “You know I won’t hurt you, babe.  Right?”  

“It’s not the bite.”  I nibble my lip.  “I just don’t know what it will feel like to be mated.  It’s the unknown.”

Ben takes the chicken bone from my hand and throws them both off the deck into the woods so he can hold me.  My arms wrap around his waist and I nuzzle into his bare chest, feeling his heart thud solidly under my cheek.

I can feel his words vibrate against my skin.  “I know.  But we’ll face the unknown together.”

My shoulders ease as I melt into him.  He always knows the right things to say.  He pets my hair then says, “C’mon.  Let’s go to the beach.”

____________

The water is warm as we shed our clothes in the moonlight and wade in holding hands.  I can tell by the buzzing sensation just under my skin that my heat is going to start soon, and it will trigger his rut to follow.  Maz and I worked to ease me off the teas and supplements to regulate my cycles.  I’m going all natural now, keyed in with my mate’s cycles.  The only thing I take is a contraceptive, because we want to wait awhile before we even think of kids.

We’re in the water chest deep for me when Ben tugs me into his chest.  I laugh as he lifts me so I wrap legs around his hips while gripping his beefy shoulders.  He’s smiling and the stars reflect back in his eyes.  Those sweet, haunted eyes don’t look sad anymore– they look content.  I scatter pecks on his cheek and the deep rumble of a purr kicks on as he spins me around slow and lazy in the water.

“I love you,” I say, and it feels so good to say it freely.  Whenever I want to, with no fear.  

“I love you too, Bunny,” he says and squeezes my ass under the water.

Just the two of us, alone in this vast ocean, but together.  He’s holding me up and I feel so buoyant, my heart so light, that I could float up into the stars above us.  I am not afraid.  I have Ben, and whatever we face, we will face together.  Mates.

Deep in bones, I can feel it.  We’re meant to be.  Fated and star mates.

Soul mates.

Ben looks down, all his dimples on display, and I look up at him with a grin as wide as my eyes.

“Bite me,” I say.

His jaw drops open.  “Really?”

“Yeah,” I say, yanking myself closer against his slick, firm chest.  I want to taste his juicy pecs myself, but this is his move to make.  

“Bite the hell out of me, baby.”

He cocks his head.  “You sure?  Here?”

“Here and now, Alpha.  I want you to.”  I kiss him, fingers twining in the wet hair at the nape of his neck, before I look at him again, more seriously.  “I want you.”

His hands tighten around me, a deep purr turning into a growl as I feel how satisfied that makes him, how proud.  He hardens against my stomach and his scent changes, and I know his rut is coming soon to meet my heat.  He’s hot, salty, wet and wonderful.  

“Fuck, Omega,” he says, rubbing his forehead against mine.  “I love you so fucking much.”

My answer is to turn my head to the side, exposing my neck.  His warm, soft lips kiss their way down to my mating gland, and as he takes it between his teeth to nibble and lick, my eyelids flutter closed in ecstasy.

I trust him.  I love him.  I’ve never felt safer and more sure in my life.

Ben bites down hard enough to break the skin.  That same strike of electricity that coursed through us before explodes under my skin, but even more powerful.  I cry out and gasp, arching my back at teh overwhelm of the sensation, and Ben grips me tighter against his chest.  He finishes the bond, sparks striking back and forth between us in the water.

I open my eyes, and I’m amazed at what I see.  An explosion of phosphorescent color emanates like a cloud underneath the water around us.  I realize the bond manifested as it formed, sparks striking back and forth between us caught in the water.  It’s stunning.  A galaxy of light swirls around us.  

The bite mark will scar over with time, but it will be visible to the world and our scents will mingle.  It means I’m his, forever.  The warmth in my chest settles in deeper at the thought.  No more separation sickness, because we won’t ever be apart again.

As Ben starts to suck, the color and light slowly fades away.  “Did you see that?”  I whisper, fingers combing through his hair.

“Yeah,” he says, nuzzling into my neck and speaking into my skin.  “Beautiful.”  

Ben twirls us in the water.  I hold onto him, safe in his arms, and agree.

Beautiful.

THE END