Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s not a good time for Florona to have a relapse.

Keith is still recovering from his head injury and the ensuing hospital scare, which has Lance on edge, too. Pidge is just barely keeping it together now that Matt’s busy with his internship, and Hunk’s moms have been fighting on and off for a week straight. Not to mention, auditions for the school play are coming up, and with Lotor gone everyone’s expecting Lance to try out for the main role. Things have been stable, but they’re toeing the edge of several small disasters, and now his sister is on the phone, telling him one of his best friends is in the hospital again .

“She’s gonna be fine, Lance,” Pilar says. Lance can barely make out her words--he feels like he’s been thrown into the ocean and his ears are flooding with seawater. And his mouth, and his lungs, and his head. “The doctors say she lost a lot of blood, but she’ll be alright in a couple of days.”

“She tried to kill herself again?” Lance whispers, his throat tightening around the words. “Pilar?”

“I don’t think so,” Pilar says, sounding infuriatingly calm. “She probably just had a little relapse and started to… cut herself… and accidentally went too far.”

“A relapse?” His voice is hoarse to his own ears. He’s glad that the hall is empty--Rolo would have a field day if he found out Florona relapsed.  “Why? What happened?”

“Lance, I don’t know. Her dad found her in her bathroom. He drove her to the hospital on his own--they didn’t even need an ambulance.”

“Is that supposed to be a good thing?” Lance snaps, his voice breaking. “She hurt herself again, Pilar!”

“Lance, I know, I’m telling you-”

Lance can’t hear the rest of the sentence. His hands are shaking, and his face is quickly growing wet with tears. He closes his eyes and struggles to take a deep breath, visions of Florona in the Garrison’s downstairs bathroom, blood slicking her arms and trickling down the drain. He vaguely registers Pilar’s voice in his ear, but he can’t make out the words.

Florona’s in the hospital again. Florona hurt herself again. Florona relapsed.

He sinks to the floor, his phone clattering to the ground next to him. Why would she do this? What happened that made her so unhappy that she’d try to leave them again? Leave him again?

A warm hand settles on his shoulder, and another one cups his cheek gently. He opens his eyes and sees Keith hovering over him, panic clear on his face.

“Lance,” Keith whispers, “what’s wrong? What happened?”

Lance tries to explain, but he can’t get enough air into his lungs. The tips of his fingers start to tingle unpleasantly and his head is spinning. He reaches up and grabs onto Keith’s hands, squeezing tight enough to hurt, but Keith doesn’t complain.

“She-” he tries. “F-Flor-ron-na-”

Keith’s eyes widen as it dawns on him. “She tried again?” he asks quietly, wiping tears off of Lance’s cheek with his thumb.

Lance nods, feeling his stomach twist at the movement. He feels sick, and he can’t breathe, and he can’t speak, and he can’t believe that Florona would do this.

“Hey, deep breaths,” Keith says. “Deep breaths. Is she okay?”

Lance nods again, trying to follow Keith’s instructions. He manages to take a few breaths, accompanied by whimpers of distress. Keith smiles at him unconvincingly, then reaches down to pick up Lance’s discarded phone. He checks the screen, then brings it to his ear.

“Pilar, it’s Keith,” he says, his eyes darting to Lance. There’s a pause while Pilar explains the situation, and Lance can make out his own name said a couple of times as well. “He’s here. I think he should go home for now.”

Lance starts to protest, but when he opens his mouth another sob forces its way past his throat. Keith shakes his head gently and rubs Lance’s shoulder as he tries to take more deep breaths.

“Does he need a ride? Let me check.” Keith turns to Lance, not bothering to restate the question. Lance shakes his head no. His parents are at work, his siblings are at school, and Pilar probably isn’t in the right state to drive, either. He can manage to walk home on his own.

Keith is still talking into his phone, holding Lance’s hand and squeezing it tightly every now and then. Surprisingly, it helps, like an anchor keeping Lance from drifting away into memories of the past. He focuses on that hand, on Keith’s soft skin and the calluses he’s subconsciously memorized. He touches his fingertips to Keith’s knuckles and counts them one at a time, until his breathing goes back to normal and his head stops pounding behind his eyes.

“Keith? Lance? What’s going on?”

Lance doesn’t need to look up to know who it is; he’d recognize that accent anywhere.

“Allura,” Keith says, relieved. “Um, Lance needs to go home, and I don’t think he should walk alone.”

“What happened?” Allura asks softly, concern coloring her voice. “Is he alright?”

“He had a panic attack,” Keith explains, not taking his eyes off of Lance. “Family emergency.”

“Ah.” Allura pauses for a couple of seconds. “I can allow Lance to go home with his parents’ permission, but I don’t know how much I can do for you, Keith.”

“That’s alright,” Keith says, stroking Lance’s cheek. “Pilar said his parents know, and I don’t mind skipping.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Allura says. “Lance, whatever happened… I hope it turns out okay in the end.”

Lance can’t bring himself to say thank you, so Keith says it for him. “Thanks, Allura.”

“Of course,” Allura replies. “I’ll tell the office now.”

Keith says another quick thank you, then turns his attention back to Lance, moving stray pieces of hair away from his face.

“Whenever you’re ready to go,” he says, “just let me know, okay?”

Lance nods, taking a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. “Okay,” he whispers, nodding again.

Keith helps him stand, wrapping an arm across his back as they make their way to the front of the school. A couple of passing students give them strange looks, but Lance can’t bring himself to care. He just wants to go home and curl up in his room, maybe fall asleep for a few hours. He’s exhausted.

“I’m sorry,” Keith says quietly once they’re outside. “You shouldn’t have to go through this again.”

Lance sniffs, bringing a hand up to wipe at his eyes. “It’s not your fault,” he says hoarsely, leaning into his boyfriend more. “Thanks for skipping class for me.”

“Anytime.”

12:04 pm

pidge: Lance, are you okay?

pidge: we heard about Florona.

SPACE-HOLT: ya were worried

Hunk-a-saurus: We’re always here if you want to talk

pidge: or if you just want some company.

Cryptid-Keith: We could swing by after school if you want us to.

Hunk-a-saurus: Yeah, Drama club’s no fun without you, anyway

SPACE-HOLT: maybe he wants 2 be alone

pidge: that’s fine, too.

Cryptid-Keith: If there’s anything we can do, just let us know, okay?

Hunk-a-saurus: Yeah, dude

Hunk-a-saurus: Anything at all

Lance wakes up a couple of hours later, disoriented. His room is dark, but the light shining through the blinds indicates that it’s still early in the evening. He glances at his clock and sees that it’s only a couple of minutes past five.

He feels tired and his head hurts--he’s probably dehydrated--so he wanders into the kitchen to get something to drink. He has to blink a couple of times to get used to the hall light. Lucas, Alejandro, and his parents are sitting in the living room, so he does his best to sneak past without being noticed.

Pilar is standing in the kitchen, staring at one of the cabinets with a blank look on her face. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her hair is a mess, like she’s been running her hands through it over and over for the past few hours. Lance imagines that he looks pretty similar.

“How is she?” he asks, opening another cabinet and grabbing a glass. Pilar blinks in surprise, then turns to face him.

“Stable,” she says, trying to compose herself. “They want to keep her for a couple of days to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid, but she should be out by the end of the week.”

Lance swallows, his mouth suddenly dry. He turns the sink on and pours himself a cup of water, then downs half of it. “Are you going to visit her?” he asks quietly.

A look of surprise flashes across Pilar’s face before she has time to hide it. “I… I was planning on it,” she says warily. “Did you want to come? You can bring your friends for support.”

“I… Okay,” Lance decides, then brings the cup to his lips again to distract himself. The last time Florona had been in a hospital, he couldn’t even bring himself to go into her room.

This time will be different, he thinks. You’ll be with Pilar, and you can bring Hunk and Pidge… And Keith…

Keith, who’s afraid of hospitals.

Lance frowns, setting his cup down. He knows that Keith has some sort of problem with hospitals, although he’s not sure about the details. And he really doesn’t want to drag him back to a place he hates so soon after his accident.

But it’s Florona. Keith knows how important she is to him, right? And he had said that he’d do anything he could to make Lance feel better. He can’t think of a single thing that would make visiting Florona easier than if Keith were with him. Maybe it could be a step towards getting Keith to get over his fear.

The more he thinks about it, the less outrageous it seems to ask him to come. After all, Lance had been there for Keith when he hit his head, and that was much less serious than what Florona’s going through right now.

I’ll ask him tomorrow, he decides at last. The worst that can happen is that he says no.

That means that he has to go back to school tomorrow, which sounds extremely unappealing at the moment. He’d rather just stay at home and sleep, or talk to his friends over the Garrison messenger, but he knows he’ll have to go back eventually, and he has a test he can’t miss, anyway, so he might as well go. Maybe it’ll serve as a good distraction from everything.

“I’ll tell you when they decide she can have visitors,” Pilar says, pulling him back to the moment. “It shouldn’t be too long.”

“Alright,” Lance agrees, rubbing his eyes. He knows he just woke up, but he still feels tired and groggy. It’s strange how crying can suck the energy out of you all at once. Maybe he can take another quick nap before dinner.

He waves a quick goodbye to Pilar as he retreats back to his room, then falls face-first onto his bed, willing sleep to come easily. He drifts off with Florona on his mind, falling into a fitful and uneasy sleep.

“Lance?”

Lance turns around slowly, coming face to face with Hunk. “Hey,” he croaks, then interrupts himself with a yawn.

“Oh my god, go home,” Pidge chastises from her spot next to Hunk. “Do your parents know you’re at school?”

“Of course,” Lance says, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. Despite being exhausted and going to bed immediately after dinner last night, he hadn’t been able to sleep well at all. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the image of Florona bleeding out in the school bathroom out of his mind, and he hadn’t fallen asleep until well past midnight. He’d almost made himself late by hitting the snooze button on his alarm so many times that morning.

“You shouldn’t be here, buddy,” Hunk says, setting a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t you rather stay at home and wait for news?”

“Pilar can text me news,” Lance replies, then yawns again. “She said she’d let us know when Flora’s accepting visitors.”

“So she’s okay?” Pidge prompts, looking up hopefully.

“Yeah, she’s stable for now,” Lance explains. “Pilar says she’ll be out by the end of the week, but we could go see her sooner.”

“And… you’re okay with going to visit her?” Hunk asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Lance says quietly. “I’ll be okay. Maybe you guys could come with me, if you’re not busy.”

“Of course!” Hunk agrees, nodding vigorously. “I’ll be there to support you.”

“So will I,” Pidge adds. “Just tell me whenever you want to go and I’ll be there.”

“Thanks,” Lance says with a sniff. Despite everything that’s happened, at least he has the best, most supportive friends he could ask for.

He feels someone set a hand on his shoulder and turns to see who it is. Keith is standing behind him, examining him with concern.

“Are you okay?” he asks, frowning. Lance nods, hoping he looks convincing enough to not warrant any more worry. Apparently, he fails.

“You didn’t have to come in today,” Keith tells him, lowering his voice.

“I know,” Lance says, rubbing a hand under his nose. “It was either this or sitting at home and worrying. Plus I have a science test.”

“But I’m sure they’d let you re-take it later in the week.”

“That’s alright,” Lance says, waving him off. “I’d rather think about science than… you know.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course,” Keith says, scratching the back of his neck. “Just… Don’t push yourself, okay?”

“Okay,” Lance agrees quietly, putting his hand on top of Keith’s. He wonders if he should ask Keith to come visit Florona with him now, but he figures it’d be better to wait until school is over. Besides, he really is starting to feel sick from thinking about her too much, and he’d rather not have another breakdown in the hall before school has even started.

“Let’s get to class,” Keith says, as if reading his mind. “I don’t want to be late.”

“Good idea,” Hunk agrees, closing Lance’s locker for him. “I’ll see you three later, alright?”

“See you in English,” Keith calls, taking Lance’s hand and leading him towards their classroom. Pidge follows on his other side, walking close to him like she’s trying to shield him from the world. It’s strangely comforting, despite the fact that she’s a good foot or so shorter than him.

The three of them make it to their classroom with five minutes to spare, but all they do is sit in their seats in silence. Keith feels tense and worried next to Lance, like he’s just waiting for something bad to happen, and Pidge doesn’t seem to know what to say to make either of them feel better.

The bell rings and students pour into the classroom from the hall, scrambling to get to their seats before the teacher walks in. Keith doesn’t seem to notice, too caught up in casting secret worried glances over at Lance.

“I’m okay,” Lance promises, although he’s not entirely sure if that’s the truth. “Just focus on the class for now, okay?”

“Yeah,” Keith agrees, reaching down to pull out his notebook. He doesn’t sound convinced in the slightest, but Lance can’t be bothered to worry about that right now. He grabs his own books and turns towards the front of the classroom, trying to act calm and collected. If he breaks down, that’ll freak Keith out, and he needs Keith to be as calm as possible for when he asks him to visit Florona.

He can feel his friends glancing over at him every few minutes, but he ignores it in favor of taking notes down from the lecture and hoping that they’ll do the same. Worrying isn’t gonna do any of them any good for now. There will be plenty of time for that later.

The day passes uneventfully, with no news from Pilar about Florona. Lance does a pretty good job of keeping it together, if he says so himself, and Keith stops worrying and hovering around him after the first hour or so of class. Or at least, he manages to keep the worrying and hovering to a minimum, which Lance appreciates.

By the time the last bell rings, he’s already prepared himself to negotiate about hospital visits with Keith. Of course Keith won’t want to go, but Lance is pretty sure he’ll agree. After all, he knows all about Florona now. Surely he’d be willing to try, for Lance’s sake.

“So,” he says as they gather their things from the last class. “You have plans later?”

“Nope,” Keith replies, shoving papers into his backpack. “Why?”

“Well, Pilar said she’s gonna text me when she gets updates about Florona and I thought you and me and Pidge and Hunk could go visit her when we get the okay,” Lance explains, keeping his eyes on his desk. Keith pauses, then straightens up and looks over at him.

“What do you mean?” he asks, cautious.

“Well, they said that she’s stable for now,” Lance says, winding a loose string from his shirt around his finger until it turns red. “Which means they’ll probably let her have visitors soon. And Pilar said I could bring my friends to come see her. You know, for support.”

He looks up, hoping to see Keith nodding, or at least contemplating , but he’s met with unreadable silence.

“I was… hoping you would come with me,” he adds hesitantly, trying to calm the sinking feeling in his stomach. “Keith?”

Keith looks him in the eye, then down at the floor. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice firm. “I can’t.”

“I know you don’t like hospitals,” Lance says quickly, standing. “I mean, I don’t know why, but I thought this would be a good step forward for both of us. You can get over your fear and I can visit Flora without freaking out again. Wouldn’t that be-”

“No,” Keith cuts him off, his face stony. “Like I said, I can’t.”

Lance stares at him wordlessly, his heart sinking. He’d known Keith wouldn’t be thrilled about the idea of going to the hospital, but he’d thought they’d at least be able to talk about it.

“Keith,” he tries again, “will you at least consider it?”

“No,” Keith replies automatically, turning away and grabbing his bag, then heading towards the door.

“But it’s Flora ,” Lance says, grabbing his arm and stopping him in his tracks. “You know how important she is to everyone. To me .”

“And you know that I can’t go,” Keith retorts, glaring. “At least, I thought you did.”

Lance stares at him for a second, taken aback. “Are you- Are you mad at me?” he asks, blinking.

“I-” Keith starts, then cuts himself off. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. You can go with Hunk and Pidge, can’t you?”

“Hunk and Pidge already agreed,” Lance says, frowning. He can’t help but feel irritated towards Keith. He’s not even thinking about it. “They wanted to support me,” he adds against his better judgement, looking away.

“You think I don’t want to support you?” Keith asks, his voice rising. “Of course I want to! I just- I can’t do this with you, okay? I can’t go with you .”

“Why not? Why can’t you just try ?” Lance grabs his bag off the ground and follows Keith to the door. “I don’t understand.”

“You don’t understand,” Keith repeats disbelievingly. “ You don’t understand? I thought you , of all people, would get it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means ,” Keith says, whirling around suddenly so that they’re face to face, “that you’re not the only one who has a Florona. You’re not the only one who’s afraid!”

“Wh- What?” Lance sputters, taken aback. “I’m not the only one who… What?”

“I told you, I don’t want to talk about this!” Keith exclaims. His eyes are shining, his eyebrows drawn together, and he’s starting to tremble all over. “I don’t- I can’t go, okay? Just leave it at that!”

He turns and stalks down the hallway, shaking, and Lance can’t bring himself to follow. He feels frozen in place, and he’s got a sinking feeling that he’s pushed too hard this time. Part of him wants to go after Keith, to find out more and fix what he’d done, but the other part of him knows that he would only make things worse. Keith needs some time by himself or with someone else, someone that’s not Lance. He’s already done enough damage for now.

Instead, he leans on the lockers by the classroom door and pulls out his phone to check for new updates. He doesn’t have any notifications from Pilar, but he opens their text conversation anyway, and before he knows it he’s typing out a message.

3:26 pm

Lance: Can I ask you a question?

A minute later, a response comes in.

3:27 pm

Pilar: Sure. What up?

Lance: How are you always so collected when it comes to this type of stuff?

Pilar: You mean like Flora?

Lance: Yeah

Lance: You never freaked out the way I did

Lance: Wait, did you?

Pilar: Not as harshly as you did, and definitely not as long.

Pilar: But I was really scared, too.

Lance blinks, surprised. Of course he’d subconsciously known that Pilar had been afraid for their friend. Who wouldn’t be? But she’d never showed it when she was around him. She’d always been strong and brave when it came to sensitive topics like Florona.

3:30 pm

Lance: I didn’t realize that

Pilar: I didn’t want you to.

Pilar: You were just a kid, and you had to go through something traumatic like finding your friend bleeding out.

Pilar: Of course I wanted to be strong for you.

Lance: But it was hard for you, too?

Pilar: It was one of the hardest things I ever lived through.

Pilar: When you see somebody you love get hurt like that, there’s no good way to take it or get through it.

Pilar: You of all people should know that.

There it is again. You of all people. This time, Lance knows what she means. He’d closed himself off from everyone, refused to talk about Florona for the longest time, and even shut down Pilar’s attempts to have him visit her. Almost like…

… Almost like the way Keith is acting now.

Lance sighs, rubbing a hand over his face slowly. That’s why Keith got angry. He’s probably going through the same thing right now, and the one person in the school who he’d thought would understand just tried to force him to overcome his fear.

Keith is just like him.

He sags against the lockers and buries his face in his hands, unsure of what else to do. He racks his brain for ideas of how to help, how to do anything that might make Keith feel better, but he comes up completely empty. Because even though Keith’s situation is almost identical to the way his was a year ago, Lance has no idea what to say or do now that their roles are reversed.

Chapter Text

Keith stomps down the hall angrily, his eyes prickling with tears he refuses to let fall. He feels awful, like his stomach was just ripped out through his throat, and his ears are ringing at a pitch he didn’t know humans could hear. He doesn’t know where he’s going, only that he needs to get away from Lance and calm down.

He passes his locker, the back door to the school, several classrooms, and the guidance counselor’s office, unsure of what to do next. He can’t get on the bus like this, or he’ll start breaking down surrounded by strangers who’ll judge him without knowing anything. He certainly can’t go back to Lance, which hurts even though he’s the one who walked away. He wishes there was someone who already knew everything so he could just sit there and talk about… about everything .

He could have talked to Lance about everything, but he knows it wouldn’t have gone well. Lance is entirely focused on Florona right now, and rightfully so. Still, he clearly hadn’t understood the way Keith had hoped, and after everything they’ve been through together, he can admit that that hurts a little. After all, his situation is remarkably similar to Lance’s.

He finds himself in front of Shiro’s door.

Shiro was the one who called his dad a few weeks ago when he hit his head. He’s the one who tried to calm Keith down before going to the hospital. He’d even said I don’t want to put you through this before sending Keith on his way. Like he was already aware that something was up, even before Keith’s dad showed up. He’s not sure how much Shiro knows, but he’s betting it’s more than anyone else at the school.

Hesitantly, Keith reaches up to knock on the door. After a few seconds, he hears a muffled “Come in,” through the door.

He wipes at his eyes with his sleeve, then pushes the door open and steps inside.

Shiro is sitting at his desk, bent over two stacks of papers, scribbling vigorously with a red pen. One of the stacks is already marked up with red ink, circles and underlines decorating the student’s messy handwriting, while the other is still waiting to be corrected.

He stands there for a few seconds, just watching Shiro write. He’s not sure what to say. How do you start a conversation like this? Just casually bring up the fact that you’re terrified of hospitals and your boyfriend is mad at you because of it? Because he doesn’t understand? What if Shiro doesn’t understand?

He’s halfway convinced himself to just turn around and leave when Shiro glances up from his work and immediately freezes.

“Keith,” he says, setting his pen down and standing up. “Is everything okay?”

His voice is soft and gentle, like he’s trying not to scare off a wounded animal. Keith’s throat constricts, and fresh tears begin collecting in his eyes. He shakes his head and wipes them away, frustrated, before coming further into the classroom. Shiro watches him cautiously as he leans against a desk at the front of the classroom.

“How-” he starts, then pauses to clear his throat. Shiro waits patiently while he collects his thoughts.

“How much do you know… about my mother?” Keith asks at last, hesitant. He needs to know what Shiro’s already aware of so he can figure out where to start.

“I know that she’s separated from your dad,” Shiro says, “and that she lives somewhere else. And I know you don’t like to talk about her.”

My dad must have told him that, Keith thinks, staring down at the ground. So Shiro doesn’t know the whole story. There’s a part of him that wants to leave it that way, but a bigger part of him wants to tell somebody, to finally stop hiding it after all this time.

“Keith,” Shiro starts, but Keith doesn’t give him an opportunity to finish.

“She’s in the hospital,” he blurts, then clamps his mouth shut. Shiro looks startled, but he quickly masks his expression.

“I didn’t know that,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry, Keith.”

“Well, she was,” Keith tries again awkwardly. “She- It’s complicated.”

Shiro leans on his desk and crosses his arms, glancing up at the clock. “If you want to talk, I’ve got time,” he offers, fixing Keith with a knowing look.

“She’s a- she’s an alcoholic,” Keith explains, rubbing the back of his neck. “She was always a heavy drinker, I think. Ever since I can remember.”

Shiro nods for him to go on, putting on a reassuringly non-judgemental expression.

“One time she didn’t come home after work,” Keith continues, staring down at the ground again. “My dad got a phone call from her number, but it wasn’t her. Someone was calling the emergency contact on her phone because she fainted in a bar.

“They took her to the hospital and treated her for alcohol poisoning for a few days. My dad went to visit her, but I didn’t want to. I just wanted to see her healthy again, not in some hospital bed with a million tubes sticking out of her.”

Keith pauses, fumbling with the sleeves of his sweater. “She went to an Alcoholics Anonymous type of thing for a little after that, and it worked for a while. But then my dad decided he wanted a divorce, and she started up again. Whenever I’d come home to her house there would be bottles in the recycling, and I’d just pretend I didn’t see them. I thought she could get better on her own.”

He sniffs, pulling the sleeve of his sweater over his hand and using it to wipe at his eyes. “Only she didn’t get better,” he continues. “A year after the divorce we found out she had liver cancer. She had to go back to the hospital and get a transplant. My dad decided we would go and visit her, but I still didn’t want to. I got- I got scared, and I couldn’t take it.”

“Keith…” Shiro says, looking at him sympathetically.

“We walked into the room, and all of a sudden it was too much. I got one good look at her, and I panicked. I ran out of the room and I refused to go back in, no matter how much my dad tried to persuade me. I kicked and screamed until he took me home, and then he went back to visit by himself and I just sat on my bed and cried. I never went back.”

The two of them sit in silence for a minute. Keith thinks over all the things he’d confessed and wonders if he should be feeling ashamed or nervous or something negative, but instead he feels calm… almost relieved . It feels good to finally talk to someone about everything he’s been hiding over the better part of two years.

Shiro waits politely to make sure that Keith is done before he speaks.

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me,” he says softly. “I’m… really sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s fine,” Keith says automatically. “I mean, not really, but… I can’t go back there.”

“I know,” Shiro says again. “Your father told me that you were afraid of hospitals. I’m sorry you had to go to the hospital last month.”

“It was… It was bad,” Keith says quietly. “But Lance was there. It was okay.”

“Does Lance know about your mother?” Shiro asks. Keith shakes his head.

“He doesn’t know. I never told anyone because I didn’t want to talk about it before.”

“So why now?”

Keith sighs, looking away. “He asked me to come to the hospital with him to visit Flo- a friend,” he admits slowly. “I didn’t want to go, and he didn’t understand. I guess we fought about it.”

“Just now?” Shiro asks, glancing towards the door.

“Yeah,” Keith says. “I- I want to go with him. I want to be able to go with him. I know he’s going through something really tough, but…”

“But so are you,” Shiro finishes for him. “You shouldn’t feel bad that you aren’t able to go. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready.”

“We’re afraid of the same thing,” Keith says, glaring down at his hands. “If he can get over it, should I be able to too?”

“That’s not how fear works,” Shiro says, placing a hand on Keith’s shoulder gently. “Lance is still afraid. That’s probably why he wanted you to go with him, right?”

“So you think I should go,” Keith grumbles, glaring.

“That’s not what I’m saying. I don’t think you should force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with, especially if it’s something as serious as this.”

“But Lance-” Keith starts to protest.

“Lance is a different person than you,” Shiro cuts him off sternly. “These things take time, Keith. Some people need more of it than others, and that’s okay. Right now, you just have to hope Lance understands that.”

Keith hesitates, then nods slowly. “Okay,” he agrees at last. “But… What am I supposed to do now?”

“You can go home, if that’s what you want,” Shiro says. “You can stay here and keep talking. Or you could try talking to Lance again.”

“He’s probably gone by now,” Keith sighs, running a hand over his face. “I doubt he’d stick around after I stormed off on him. And I don’t know… I’m not sure I want to tell everyone about my mom yet. Does that make me a bad person?”

“No,” Shiro says, shaking his head. “No, of course not. You’re allowed to keep stuff to yourself, Keith.”

“But what do I tell him?” Keith asks, frowning. “If I can’t talk about my mom, how do I explain why I got mad?”

“Just tell him the truth, Keith. Say you’re not comfortable talking about it yet.”

Keith sighs again, rubbing his temples. He’s beginning to get a headache, and he’s tired. As bad as it sounds, he doesn’t want to talk to Lance yet. He just wants to go home and sit in the dark in his room for a few hours.

Shiro seems to sense this, changing the subject quickly. “Why don’t you think about it for a while and decide later,” he suggests gently, leaving Keith with an easy way out. “I’m sure it’s been a very stressful day.”

“Yeah,” Keith agrees, pushing himself off of the desk. “Thanks, Shiro.”

“No problem,” Shiro says with a half-smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Come talk to me anytime, okay Keith?”

“I will,” Keith promises. Briefly, he wonders if Shiro will tell the other teachers, but he shakes the thought out of his head. Shiro wouldn’t do something like that, especially about something as private as this. He knows he wouldn’t.

He readjusts his backpack on his shoulders and turns to the door with a final wave beforewalking out to the bus stop. He doesn’t bother to go back and see if Lance is still there--he’s probably already at home, waiting for news about Florona’s condition.

He walks to the bus station alone, sits on the bench at the stop and opens his phone to check for the time. To his surprise, it’s only just over half an hour since school got out. Strange. It felt like much more.

He’s got a couple of messages waiting for him on the Garrison messenger, but he ignores them for the time being. He’s too drained to care about whatever shenanigans might be going on in the group chat, and he’s not exactly in the mood to hear about Florona, either. Instead he pulls his old, tangled earbuds out of the pocket of his backpack and plugs them into his phone, shuffling whatever playlist he had on last and letting his music distract him until the bus pulls up at the curb.

***

An hour or so after he isolates himself in his room, there’s a knock at the door. Keith squints into the bright light spilling in from the hallway and manages to make out Acxa standing in his doorway.

“Is something wrong?” she asks, looking around the room as if the issue might present itself out of thin air. Keith shrugs, rolling over and sitting up on the edge of his bed.

“Bad day,” he says with a sigh. “Don’t worry about it.”

Acxa frowns, then steps further into the room. She looks around again, then takes a seat next to him on the bed.

“Tell me about it.”

Keith shrugs a second time, wiping under his nose and sniffing. “Florona’s in the hospital,” he says, even though it’s only part of the story.

Acxa’s frown deepens, and her hands dig into the bed unconsciously. “Is she okay?” she asks, concerned.

“She’s fine,” Keith confirms. “She just had a relapse, I guess. But Lance says she should be able to have visitors soon.”

Understanding dawns on Acxa’s face, and she falters for a second. “Do you… want to go visit her?” she asks, hesitant.

“I don’t know,” Keith says honestly. “I mean, I really want to support Lance. I know this can’t be easy for him and all. But I don’t want to go there. ”

Acxa sighs, propping her chin in her hand. “Will you ever?” she asks, staring at him questioningly. Keith stares back, surprised.

“What?”

“Like, will you ever wake up and think, ‘ I feel like going to the hospital today ’?” Acxa repeats, raising an eyebrow at him. “Do you really think that’s how it works?”

“I… I don’t know,” Keith says, frowning in confusion.

“When my dad left us, I wanted to run away from it, too,” Acxa continues, ignoring him. “I didn’t want to visit him, or go to his house, or be anywhere near him. I was so angry… I guess my feelings just kept feeding themselves, and I got angrier and angrier. It was like I was just mad for the sake of being mad. But eventually I realized I couldn’t keep it up forever.”

“So you just forgave him?” Keith asks. “After he left you?”

“No,” Acxa says, shaking her head. “I went to his new apartment, and I told him exactly what I thought about him. And then I just… I don’t know. I let go of my anger.”

The two of them sit there for a minute, neither of them saying a word. Acxa seems lost in thought, and Keith gives her a minute to snap back to the present before he speaks.

“So you’re saying I should just get over it?” he asks skeptically. “Don’t you think I would if I could?”

“I know it’s not the same thing,” Acxa says. “I mean, you’re not angry at hospitals, you’re scared of them. The point is, you’re never gonna want to go and face your fear. Someday, you’re just gonna have to go.”

“But what if I’m not ready?” Keith demands, his frown deepening. “You think I should just force myself to go back?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Acxa says, sighing again. “I just think- Even if you’re not ready now, you’ll still have to go eventually. You’ve just gotta figure out if you’re really not ready, or if you’re just putting off the inevitable.”

Keith stares at his sister, unsure of what to say. Acxa’s advice is so different from what Shiro had said earlier in the day, and yet he finds it strangely comforting, in a scary sort of way. He hasn’t let himself really process his emotions since he and his dad had moved--the few times he’d thought about it, he’d only focused on his fear. In fact, he’d probably suppressed it so much that it had only created more fear, like Acxa’s anger with her dad.

A few weeks ago, he’d been one hundred percent convinced that he wasn’t ready to go back to the hospital and face his fears. But he’d survived, and he’s been doing well ever since, not counting today. Sure, his last trip to the emergency room had been bad, but he’s not the one going to the hospital this time. Neither is his mother.

“I’m not- I’m don’t know if I’m ready,” he says unsurely, looking back up at Acxa, who nods encouragingly.

“But you want to go?” she prompts, nudging him with her elbow.

“I think… Maybe I want to wait outside,” Keith decides slowly. The outside of the hospital shouldn’t be bad. He’d probably be able to handle that.

“Okay,” Acxa says, surprisingly gentle. “We can do that.”

“We?” Keith asks, raising an eyebrow. She shrugs, a half-smile tugging at her lips.

“I want to come with you, if that’s okay,” she says. “It would be nice to see Florona again.”

Keith nods, scrubbing at his face with his hands and taking a deep breath. “Okay,” he agrees, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll, uh, I’ll have Pidge tell me when Florona’s taking visitors.”

“Pidge?” Acxa repeats, confused. “Why not Lance?”

“We kinda got into a fight earlier,” Keith admits. “About all… this .”

“Oh,” Acxa says softly. “I’m sorry, Keith.”

“It’s fine,” Keith replies, waving her off. “I think he’ll understand, once he cools down. He’s probably just stressed.”

“Probably,” Acxa agrees, pushing herself off of his bed and heading to the door. “Don’t worry too much about it, okay? Everything will go back to normal in no time.”

“Yeah,” Keith says, sighing. Not worrying is one of those things that’s much easier said than done, but he doesn’t bother pointing that out. “Thanks, Acxa.”

“No problem. Let me know when you want to go.”

The door swings shut, and Keith’s left alone in the dark again. He falls backwards onto his bed and covers his eyes with his hand, fishing his phone out of his pocket with the other. He rests on his back for a few seconds, gathering the rest of his energy, then rolls onto his side and opens the Garrison messenger.

He ignores the old messages on the group chat, tapping on his conversation with Pidge instead. He types out a quick message asking her to let him know when everyone is planning on visiting, crossing his fingers and hoping she doesn’t ask questions. She replies a couple of minutes later, only bothering to ask if he’s okay going there.

I think so, Keith writes slowly, testing the words out silently. He thinks he’ll be okay. He’ll be okay, he thinks.

He isn’t a hundred percent sure he believes himself, but it’s close enough.

***

Lucky for everyone, the next day is Saturday. Keith spends the first few hours after waking up on his phone in bed, not having the energy to get up just yet. By the time he drags himself out of bed, it’s past eleven o’clock, and his dad and Sarah have already left for work.

“Morning,” he says as he passes Acxa on the way to the kitchen.

“Barely,” she replies, rolling her eyes at him. “Any news from your friends?”

“Nothing yet,” Keith yawns. Despite staying in bed for the past fifteen plus hours, he still feels exhausted. He grabs a box of cereal from the cupboard and pours himself a bowl, settling down on the couch in the living room to wait.

They don’t have to wait long. A few minutes after he finishes his cereal, his phone buzzes with a text from Pidge.

11:32 am

pidge: yo, we’re heading to the hospital now

pidge: should be there in half an hour, maybe?

Cryptid-Keith: We’re on our way.

“Acxa,” he calls, setting his bowl on the coffee table and standing. “They’re going over now.”

“Okay,” Acxa says, popping her head out from around the corner of the hallway. “I’ll be right there.”

The ride to the hospital is short. Acxa drives while Keith sits in the passenger seat with his eyes fixed on the dashboard. He can feel his heart beating quickly in his chest like a hummingbird’s. He taps his foot against the floor of the car anxiously.

He wonders if Lance is still angry, or if he’s gotten over it by now. Maybe he wants Keith to apologize. Or maybe he wants to apologize to Keith? They haven’t talked at all since the fight the day before, so he’s not quite sure what to expect.

Before he knows it, they’re pulling up outside the local hospital, and Acxa is opening the driver’s side door and stepping outside.

“You ready?” she asks, bending down and looking over at Keith.

“I think so,” he says, taking a deep breath. He doesn’t exactly feel ready, but he thinks he’ll be okay if he just stays outside.

He reaches over and opens the car door, then slowly steps outside and looks around. Sunlight glints off the windows of the hospital, reflecting a mostly clear blue sky. The name Good Samaritan Health Center is spelled out above the doors in blocky blue letters. It sends a shiver down his spine, but he steps closer and closes the car door behind him regardless.

“They should be here soon,” he says, looking back at Acxa. “If you want to go in, you should go with them. I’ll stay out here.”

“And I’ll stay with you,” Acxa replies, walking around the car to him. “It would be kind of weird for me to go in with your friends, anyway. I’d rather just stick it out with you.”

“But didn’t you want to see her?” Keith asks, frowning.

“No, that’s okay. I can always text her later.”

“You have her number?”

Acxa shrugs, unfazed. “I got it a few weeks ago. We haven’t talked much yet, but I’ll send her a get well message later.”

Keith nods tensely, his attention drawn to a familiar looking car pulling up in the parking lot. He watches as Pilar climbs out of the driver’s side, followed by Lance from the passenger’s side and Hunk and Pidge from the back. They don’t seem to notice him at first, too busy looking up at the hospital.

“That’s them,” he says, unconsciously taking a step back. Acxa sends him a worried look, but he ignores it, completely focused on the others.

Lance looks tired. So does Pilar. Hunk seems worried--he wraps an arm around Lance and squeezes him tightly. Pidge crowds in on his other side, like she’s trying to protect him from the world.

“Do you think we should leave?” Keith asks quietly, glancing over at his sister.

“We’ve come this far,” she replies with a shrug. “Might as well stick it out.”

Lance scans the parking lot slowly, surveying the scene. He freezes when he catches sight of Keith, who does just the same thing. The two of them seem to make eye contact for minutes, although it’s probably only a few seconds. Then slowly, Lance breaks away from the others, heading straight for them.

“Keith?” he asks hesitantly once they’re within earshot of each other. “What… What are you doing here?”

“I came to support you,” Keith answers in a small voice. Lance doesn’t seem mad. Not in the slightest. If Keith isn’t mistaken, he almost seems regretful.

“But you-” Lance stammers, confused. “You don’t- Hospitals?” It comes out as more of a question than a statement.

“I know,” Keith says, taking a step forward. “But I- I wanted to try. For you.”

In an instant, Lance is surging forward and wrapping his arms around Keith, pulling him closer. “I’m sorry ,” he says, his voice wavering. “I’m sorry I got mad at you. I didn’t mean to, but I- I was just so wrapped up with Flora in the hospital, I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Keith freezes again, his arms hovering awkwardly behind Lance’s back without actually touching him. Slowly, he brings his hands to rest on Lance’s shoulder blades.

“I know,” he says, resting his head between Lance’s neck and his shoulder. “It’s okay, Lance. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“It’s not okay,” Lance sniffs. “I was stupid, and selfish. I didn’t think about what I was asking you to do. I thought you were being a bad friend, I thought you were being selfish, but it was just me doing those things. I’m so sorry.”

“Lance,” Keith says again, pulling back. “Stop it. I came to support you, not to make you feel worse. Please don’t feel any worse right now.”

“Sorry,” Lance says again, wiping at his eyes. “I just- I wanted to apologize.”

“And you did,” Keith replies, smoothing his hand across Lance’s cheek. “I know you were under a lot of stress, and I know you don’t always know what I’m going through, because I don’t always talk about it. It’s my fault, too, for not explaining.”

“But I-”

“No more self-deprecating nonsense,” Keith says, cutting him off. “There’ll be time for us to talk later. And I do want to talk- to tell you things. But right now, you’ve got to go visit your friend.”

Strange, he thinks, casting a backwards glance at the hospital. Despite all of his earlier anxiety, he’d almost forgotten where he was.

“You’re right,” Lance agrees, scrubbing at his face. “We’re here to see Flora. Um, I guess we should head inside…”

“Um.” Keith shakes his head, pulling his hand away. “I’m not going inside. I can’t--I’m not ready.”

“Oh,” Lance says, his face falling. “That’s- That’s alright. I get it.”

No, Keith thinks. You don’t. But you’re trying.

“I’ll wait for you,” Keith says gesturing to one of the benches outside of the hospital doors. “I’ll be right outside if you need me, or if you need a break. It’s as much as I can do.”

“It’s enough,” Lance assures him. “It’s more than enough. Thank you, Keith.”

“Of course,” Keith says, reaching down and squeezing his hand. “I’ll be right here.”

He looks over Lance’s shoulder and sees the others standing a few feet away, just out of hearing distance. Hunk gives him a small wave and an encouraging smile.

“I think- I think we’re going to go see her now,” Lance decides, stepping back. “Are you gonna be okay out here?”

“Yeah,” Keith says, and finds that he means it. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” Lance says, taking a deep breath. “I’ll see you when we get out.”

“See you,” Keith echoes. Lance leans over and kisses him on the cheek gently, then goes to stand next to Pilar at the door to the hospital. Hunk and Pidge follow, nodding at Keith as they pass.

Lance waves at him once before turning and disappearing inside the hospital. Keith watches until the doors swing closed, then turns to the bench and sits down. Acxa follows, taking a seat next to him.

“How do you feel?” she asks, looking him over carefully.

“Okay,” Keith answers, nodding to himself. He really does feel okay, despite the fact that he’s less than two feet away from a place he used to be terrified of. “I’m okay.”

“Good,” Acxa says, leaning back against the wall. “I’m glad.”

The two of them sit there for a while, neither of them saying a thing. Keith closes his eyes, tips his head back, and lets the weak sunlight wash over his face. Maybe he really can get over this. Maybe he’ll even be able to talk to his mom again someday.

Maybe everything will turn out alright.