Chapter Text
"I'm freaked out," says Yoongi.
They're on his bed, curled up against the headboard, wearing as many clothes as humanly possible because this is not just sex to Yoongi, but it's definitely still sex, and Jimin is too easy to want. Yoongi had wanted to go to the couch, tried to talk Jimin down the hall, but Jimin had been stubborn and irresistible, so now Jimin has on three layers of clothing, including the biggest sweatshirt Yoongi owns, and Yoongi is stroking his hair softly as they speak into the darkness.
"Why?" asks Jimin, but it's gentle. "I'm not scary."
"You're terrifying," says Yoongi. He finds it easier to talk this way, without Jimin looking at him, where he can believe he's just explaining things to himself. "People see an expiration date on me. Like they'll leave me as soon as they get tired of me. There's a part of me that's sure you will, too."
"Anyone could leave anyone," says Jimin. "You could leave me."
"I couldn't."
"You already did," says Jimin simply.
"That wasn't the same thing," says Yoongi. "That wasn't a choice. It was… I don't know. Confusion. A breakdown."
Jimin sighs. "It still felt the same."
Yoongi glides his finger along the shell of Jimin's ear, worrying his own lower lip. "I'm sorry."
"I know."
"You're right. I know you are. But I think you're even more terrifying than other people, because I'm also scared that you'll stay longer than you want to, just because I'm scared you'll leave."
Jimin laughs, shaking against Yoongi's chest. "So you think you're so unimportant that I'll get sick of you, but also so important that I would make myself unhappy to not hurt you?"
"If it were logical, it wouldn't be called freaked out."
Jimin tries to sit up, but Yoongi holds him place, liking the way he fits into his side, like he was born to be there.
Jimin grunts at him, then goes back to tracing shapes across his chest and says, "I can't promise you that I'll be here forever. I want to be, now, and I have no plans to go, but I don't want to make a promise I'm not sure of. But I can promise you I will never do anything I don't want to do. I don't care if you ask, or if you demand. I promise you, Yoongi. It will always be my choice."
"Please don't talk about forever," says Yoongi, only half-joking. "I'm trying to just get through tonight."
"Do you want me to leave?"
Yoongi shakes his head, doesn't know if Jimin can feel it, then says, "It's up to you."
Jimin growls into his chest. "Don't do that. You can ask me for things. Let me do things for you, sometimes."
"I'm trying," says Yoongi. "I'll keep trying."
"Okay."
"I really want you to stay tonight," says Yoongi.
He wants him to stay longer than that, but the thought of saying it makes his stomach lurch unpleasantly.
"Then I will," says Jimin, his voice sounding like a smile. "Besides, you're comfortable."
They sit in silence for awhile before Jimin says, "You don't have to tell me. But I wish I knew why you're so worried about me feeling like I'm trapped. I don't feel trapped. I actually feel like you're pushing me out, a lot of the time."
Yoongi pulls Jimin closer, settling him more firmly into his side, tightening his arm where it holds him, and he doesn't say anything.
"Also I've been sleeping here all week," says Jimin conversationally, as though it's the same thought. "I hope you don't mind."
Yoongi blinks down at him, re-orienting. "Uh, I guess not? You're always welcome. But what have you been telling your roommates?"
"I told them I went home," says Jimin. "I didn't want to be around them anymore, watching them try to figure out how to fix me without making me worse, and I missed you so much that I didn't know what else to do. Is it weird that I did that?"
"A little. But I like weird," says Yoongi. He pauses, stuck on a memory. "So does that mean that last night…"
Jimin looks up, eyes shining, smile crooked. "Right here, in your bed."
Fucking hell. "Park Jimin, are you trying to seduce me?"
"Yes."
"What would your mother say about such forward behavior?"
"She'd say you go to war with the army you have."
Yoongi laughs. "Your mother sounds even more terrifying than you," he says. "But I don't think sex is a good idea tonight."
"But I've really missed you," says Jimin, pouting and provocative, and Yoongi shifts underneath him.
"I've missed you too."
Jimin sighs, running a hand under Yoongi's zipped hoodie, touching skin. "Say it again."
"God, Jimin, I've missed you so much," says Yoongi.
And Jimin leans up, and kisses him sweetly and gently, without demanding anything, and Yoongi is glad because he will never have a defense against an inspired Jimin no matter how hard he tries.
Jimin flops back down, snuggling into him, and says, "Tell me about your vacation. The stuff that wasn't in the photos."
Yoongi leans back, rubbing his hand over Jimin's back, and tells him about the empty peace of the ocean until they both fall asleep.
In the morning they're still against the headboard, and Jimin's phone alarm is blaring from the next room. Yoongi blinks, working out the kinks in his neck, rubbing his thumb along Jimin's shoulder. He'd slipped down during the night, his head pillowed on Yoongi's thigh, and his snores are distractingly pleasant vibrations.
"Wake up," says Yoongi. "Your alarm is going off."
Jimin growls at him from his half-sleep. "Go away."
"I can't, you're laying on me," says Yoongi reasonably, but Jimin only growls again. "Come on, sleepyhead. Hoseok is waiting for you."
"I'm having a nice dream," says Jimin, fuzzy and indistinct. "Yoongi came back."
"Yeah?" asks Yoongi, a little amused.
"Yeah. He was sweet. He let me cry on him."
"Sounds like a true gentleman."
"I love him," says Jimin before nuzzling into Yoongi's leg. His breathing evens out again, falling back into patterns of sleep, and Yoongi smooths a hand over Jimin's head, pleased and terrified at the same time.
"Then he's a lucky guy," says Yoongi, running his fingers through Jimin's tumbling hair. "But you still have to go to work."
He shifts his leg, jostling Jimin loose, and Jimin awakes with a start that's almost comical. He sits up, rubbing his eyes with his fists, then shoots Yoongi a look that's pure betrayal. "Why'd you do that?"
"Your alarm is going off," says Yoongi, trying to ignore the cute tilt of his head. "I assume Hoseok is waiting to torture you."
"I don't want to see Manager Jung," says Jimin, pouting. "Want to hang out with you."
"I'd like that, too. But I don't want Hoseok to get pissed at you. Or me."
"Fine," says Jimin, but he's still sulking. "I'm going to shower."
"I'll make you coffee," says Yoongi, and he says it mildly but Jimin narrows his eyes.
"I'm not grouchy."
"Of course not," says Yoongi. "I just want to do something nice for you."
Jimin's expression clears, and he bites his lip. "Oh. Thanks."
Yoongi looks at him, touches his cheek, rubs his thumb along the trapped lip until Jimin smiles and pulls away with a rueful expression that Yoongi understands. He was the one who'd said no sex, after all, and Jimin is still wearing an entire rack of clothing at his request.
"Have dinner with me tonight?" asks Yoongi instead, thinking about Seokjin, trying to be better.
Jimin stands, stretching up over his head, then twists at the waist as his joints pop. "Sure. I'll bring something over."
"No, I meant, go out with me somewhere. As a date."
Jimin pauses halfway through a twist, staring at him. "Really?"
"Only if you want to," says Yoongi, stomach dropping.
"Of course I want to," says Jimin, smiling, all trace of grumpiness gone. "Dress up or dress down?"
"Whatever you want."
Jimin rolls his eyes, but he's still smiling. "Dress up."
"I should have known," says Yoongi. "Go shower."
Jimin bounces off into the bathroom, then pokes his head back out. "Wait. Manager Jung wanted us to stay late, go over video tonight."
Yoongi frowns, but it changes to a grin as he considers. "Just tell him you need the night off to watch The Parent Trap. He'll let you out of it."
Jimin quirks an eyebrow at him, then shrugs and closes the door. The alarm finally gives up trying, and Yoongi gets up to make coffee as the sound of running water flows through his pipes. By the time Jimin gets out, tempting and sexy as he rubs a towel through his hair, Yoongi's done with both coffee and breakfast and he's cleaned up the mess that Jimin had left the night before, much to Jimin's embarrassment.
"Are you going in today?" asks Jimin, texting with one hand as he drinks.
"No. I'm still technically on vacation, and I don't want Namjoon to kill me. I'll just hang out here, do my laundry. Play the piano a little maybe."
"Okay," says Jimin. "Can we make dinner at 8? I want to go home to get changed and talk to my roommates."
"What about?" asks Yoongi, food halfway to his mouth.
"To tell them to butt out of my love life. And that I've been staying here. And that we're going out on a date. And that they can butt out again."
Yoongi groans, but he can feel a smile creeping around his lips. "Tell Seokjin I'm going to pay for everything. Don't tell him where we're going," he says. He pauses. "Do you want me to pick you up?"
Jimin shakes his head vehemently. "Text me where to meet. I just got you back. I don't want Jeongguk to fight you, or Taehyung to give you his version of The Talk."
They're just finishing up when Yoongi's phone rings, and he looks down at it in confusion before answering. "Hoseok? What's up?"
"The Parent Trap rules!" shrieks Hoseok through the speaker, and Yoongi yanks the phone away from his ear in pain. "Fuck yeah, best matchmaker in the universe. Tell Jimin that video viewing is officially moved so that you guys can get off, as long as you don't fuck him. Do not fuck him! He's gotta be able to dance tomorrow. And hey, Yoongi?"
"Yeah?" asks Yoongi, beet-red but laughing despite himself.
"I love you, man. You're gonna make me fucking cry one of these days, I swear to god. Get after it!"
Hoseok hangs up with a loud whoop before he can respond, and Yoongi looks over at Jimin, who's wide-eyed and open-mouthed.
"So," says Yoongi, "this is what happens when my friends know things. Taehyung and Jeongguk are looking pretty good now, aren't they?"
Jimin nods slowly, a little shell-shocked, but when Yoongi walks him to the door he kisses him slowly, and he tastes like strawberries and coffee, and Yoongi has a hard time letting him go.
Dinner is perfect, a candlelit scene from a movie, even though Yoongi's hands are clammy and nervous with Jimin sharp and expensive across from him. Yoongi had done his best to live up to him, shaving closely and putting on the nicest clothes he has, but Jimin has the advantage of being born gorgeous, which Yoongi considers massively unfair.
But he likes this, feels comfortable in a way he hadn't expected, and he learns to his amazement that expensive restaurants must have special lighting, something that makes people like Jimin glow from within, and he feels oddly proud to be sitting with someone who's so obviously special.
He even sees a few envious glances from nearby tables, particularly when Jimin laughs, giddy and radiant. After the tenth person checks Jimin out, eyes lingering a little too long, Yoongi finally reaches across the table and takes Jimin's hand in his own, possessive and a little confused. Jimin smiles blindingly at him, squeezing back, and Yoongi's heart turns over, just a little bit.
He also sees Jeongguk and Taehyung sharing a table across the restaurant, staring at them in a blend of hostility and concern, and he debates whether or not to tell an oblivious, happy Jimin about it. But after they finish dessert, Jimin licking drops of chocolate from his fingers distractingly, he grins at Yoongi and says, "Excuse me."
And then he marches over to his roommates, purposeful and certain, and when he and Yoongi leave the restaurant to walk along the river, no one follows them.
They end up back at Yoongi's place via unspoken agreement at every turn of the road, and Jimin stops him just inside the doorway with a soft hand on his arm.
"What do you want?" he asks.
Jimin's eyes are lined with subtle shadows, a dusting of bronzed glitter across his cheeks, and Yoongi can hardly breathe in the face of him. His chest is tight, fear and desire blending, and Yoongi doesn't know how someone like him can't not destroy this, this thing he wants so badly.
When he doesn't answer, Jimin moves closer. "It can be small," he says. "Just one thing. Be selfish, just a little."
"Kiss me," says Yoongi, and he knows he's not asking, and for a shameful minute he likes it a little too much.
But Jimin doesn't hesitate, tilting his head up and finding Yoongi's lips with his own. They're still by the door and Jimin pins Yoongi against it, aggressive and sure, and his fingers press at Yoongi's neck, loosening him up.
They make out that way for awhile, clothes sloughing off in a blind striptease, a thing that they see with their fingers instead of their eyes. Yoongi is lost in Jimin's touch, the way he feels pressed against him, and more than once he finds himself laughing with the sheer joy of being present in this moment, and not knowing what will come next. The kisses turn more heated, more urgent, and he holds on as best he can when Jimin whines into his mouth.
"What do you want now?" says Jimin when they're both down to their pants, stiff and ready inside of them. Jimin kisses him again, open-mouthed and sexy, stealing Yoongi's breath. "Tell me. Let me choose."
"Want to blow you," whispers Yoongi. "Want you to fuck my mouth."
Jimin rumbles a plea to some unknown deity, raw and animal, and presses his erection against Yoongi's thigh. "Yes please," he says, low and hot. "Where?"
"My bed," says Yoongi between kisses, his hands trapped inside Jimin's hair, liking the silky way it feels. "Where you got off for me. Been thinking about it all day. Want to make it real."
"Okay," says Jimin, grazing his hands across Yoongi's back, sliding them down to his ass. "Then can I watch you touch yourself? Can I tell you what to do?"
"Are you going to tease me?"
Jimin bites his shoulder, hard, and Yoongi moans and jerks back, hitting his head against the door but not caring in the least.
"Yes," says Jimin. "Because you fucking love it when I tease you."
"I really do," says Yoongi fervently, and Jimin licks across Yoongi's newly tender skin before stepping away.
And all night Jimin teases him, for endless minutes and hours, until Yoongi is begging and delirious and complete, because Park Jimin wants to be here, and Yoongi doesn't need to be afraid.
Whenever they're alone, Yoongi kisses Jimin over and over again, delicate and sweet, because it's something he likes and something Jimin will let him do. Yoongi craves the feeling of lips meeting, of the soft way Jimin greets him every time, of the way it feels to lean down and taste without request or demand.
"Are you happy?" asks Yoongi one night.
Jimin opens sleepy eyes and smiles at him, silently asking for another kiss, which Yoongi gives him.
"Yeah," says Jimin.
"Seokjin said," Yoongi begins, then falls silent, and Jimin's gaze sharpens. "He said you used to cry when you went home. After being with me. Was that true?"
"Not a lot," says Jimin quietly. "But sometimes. Not because of the sex, or things you did. More because they would ask me about it, and I wanted to tell them how good it felt to be with you, how nice you were to fall into, but they just wanted facts. They wanted me to give them actions and words so that they could tear them apart and dissect them, and it never added back up to all of those feelings when they did. And that hurt, because I didn't know what was real. I know we weren't as real as I was hoping, but we were maybe less fake than they thought."
"I think it was more real than it was fake," says Yoongi, looking down at the sheets. "At least after awhile."
"I think so too," says Jimin. "Hey. You stopped kissing me."
Yoongi apologizes silently, and Jimin opens up for him again, and Yoongi thinks that it was all real, every minute of it.
Eventually Yoongi stops, and Jimin is breathing softly, like he's about to go to sleep when Yoongi whispers, "When I came here I was really young. I was too young. I had no money, no friends, and I did a lot of things to survive."
Jimin stops breathing, but he doesn't say anything, and Yoongi is grateful.
"There were people who were nice to me, because they wanted things. They gave me what I needed when I did what they wanted. And I didn't mind. I've never been romantic about sex, never thought it was a good idea to get too caught up in it. My parents ended up really unhappy because they didn't understand that when they were young."
Yoongi sighs. "I got lucky, mostly. I know now that some of what I did was risky, that no one is ever really safe. But I made it through. I'm not ashamed of it, not really. But there were a few people who were riskier than others. Who wanted a lot more than I wanted to give them, and they weren't as nice to me then. A couple of them tried to box me in, make me scared, intimidate me. They didn't ask."
Jimin rolls upward, face to face with Yoongi, and he touches his shoulder with a gentle hand.
"No one ever got anything I didn't want to give. I kept myself safe. But I told myself I was never going to do that to someone if I got money, or power, or fame. I wasn't going to use it to trap anyone. But I guess maybe I did. I guess maybe everyone does."
"I think maybe," Jimin begins before breaking off. His voice is scratchy, but it doesn't waver or break. "I mean, I don't know what that was like, not really. I know I hate those people. I wish I could hurt them for you, now. But I also think maybe there's a difference between what that was and a person who's happy for a night with someone they admire. Or someone's who's tangled up in you because he can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else. I don't think you've done anything wrong. Not like that."
"Yeah," says Yoongi. "Maybe. But I also don't know. Just… I wanted you to know. I've never really told anyone this stuff. No one's ever asked. But you did, and I didn't tell you. I'm sorry."
Jimin shakes his head. "Don't be sorry. You don't have to give me anything you don't want to, either," he says. "And if you ever want me to go away, to be alone for a bit, just tell me, okay? I won't be mad if you say it. I don't want to smother you."
"I can't imagine ever wanting you to go," says Yoongi, and Jimin's eyes shimmer suddenly in the dark. He pulls Yoongi down, drawing the sheets over them, and before they sleep he's the one to wrap himself around Yoongi, making him fit.
They have meals with Namjoon and Hoseok, and with Jimin's roommates, and the Hope-Stars, and with anyone else who asks, because Yoongi doesn't like people but he likes people seeing him with Jimin and knowing that they're real. And Jimin is good to him, keeping him steady, sneaking him off to be alone whenever the pressure around him gets to be too much. Which is often when Seokjin is around, because the air between them is still thick and hostile, and Yoongi has no interest in fixing any of it, no matter how much Jimin asks him to try.
One night Namjoon hosts them all, Yoongi and Hoseok and Jimin's roommates, and before it Yoongi's stomach is rolling, thinking about this collision of worlds that he won't be able to control. Jimin isn't with him as he gets ready, spending a rare evening at his own place, and that only adds to Yoongi's nervousness.
But once he gets there Namjoon and Eun-ji make it easy, because they were born to do this together, and Yoongi's not so petty he'll deny it. She's observant and ruthlessly considerate, a complement to Namjoon's observation without insight, and Yoongi knows he'll never really want her here, but she's been more generous to him than he would have been in her place.
Yoongi smiles at her when she seats Seokjin as far away from him and Jimin as possible, and she winks back before whisking into the kitchen. Taehyung has his girlfriend with him, and Jeongguk brings a painfully shy boy along, one who's caught in the agony Yoongi remembers so well from his own first dinner. Yoongi gives him a pitying look but leaves him alone, knowing that there's nothing he'll be able to say that will make it any easier to be tortured by these people.
Hoseok slides into the seat next to Seokjin and looks around with an air of consideration. "Seems unfair that the two most handsome guys here are solo, doesn't it?" he says. He throws an arm around the older man, grinning, but he tips a wicked look at Yoongi as he does. Hoseok knows all of his secrets, and he's still Yoongi's oldest friend. "Guess we're just not relationship material."
Seokjin turns to him, perfectly composed, lightly smiling. "I suppose not," he says. "The capricious nature of love is simply one of life's enduring mysteries."
He flicks his own look at Yoongi, whose hand is rubbing the back of Jimin's neck lightly while he talks to Taehyung, and Seokjin smiles in his impossible-to-read way.
"Don't worry," says Hoseok, leaning closer. "I'm excellent company."
Seokjin raises his eyebrows, clearly amused, and then to Yoongi's astonishment he leans down and kisses Hoseok, soft and full and confident. It's not exactly indecent, still mostly chaste, but it's sexy as hell, and Yoongi can see the way Hoseok's hands flutter in shock, then curl into pleasure. Seokjin deepens the kiss when Hoseok relaxes, running a hand around the back of his head, pulling him in for more.
The rest of them stop talking and stare, completely flummoxed. Jeongguk chokes on his water, coughing it across the table, and Jimin's mouth drops open as he giggles, leaning into Yoongi's shoulder in delight.
When Seokjin finally pulls back, he's smiling coolly, and Hoseok's eyes are wide, color high on cheeks.
"Uh, I'm into women, actually," says Hoseok, but his fingers touch his lips, a little awed.
"I suspected as much," says Seokjin, unfolding his napkin precisely. "But that will teach you to start things that you don't intend to finish."
And when Namjoon and Eun-ji come out with food they're all laughing, teasing Hoseok, egging them on, and Yoongi's nerves vanish into the rest of the night, where he's surrounded by mostly friends, and Seokjin is finally fucking with someone else instead of him.
In the cab back to Yoongi's place, Jimin is handsy, keyed up, and Yoongi is caught between enjoyment and trying to keep them decent while the driver watches them in the mirror. By the time they make it into the elevator Jimin's fingers are running underneath Yoongi's shirt, pushing it away, toying with the top of his pants, and Yoongi's short of breath.
When they get inside Jimin pushes him to the couch, crawling on top of him and kissing him with a fervor that Yoongi can barely keep up with.
"Shit," he says when Jimin strips off Yoongi's shirt and starts to mark the skin beneath. "Not that I'm complaining, but what's gotten into you?"
Jimin doesn't answer, biting a row of kisses down his side, and Yoongi hisses as he arches into it. Jimin moves his hands lower, rubbing Yoongi through his pants, drawing blood to places that make Yoongi lightheaded.
"Fuck," he breathes, and Jimin nods, kissing him again, rubbing him through it.
"If you want that you're going to have to slow down," says Yoongi. "I'm not gonna last if you keep this up."
"Yes you will," says Jimin, and his voice is thready with want. "You will if I ask you to. You wouldn't want to disappoint your favorite student."
And Yoongi smiles, knowing this game, already sinking into the role. "Teachers don't have favorites, Park Jimin. And even if we did, they'd still have to earn their rewards."
He cups Jimin's ass, resting his hand on its hard curves as Jimin renews his efforts. Yoongi still doesn't know what started this, but his hazy arousal and Jimin's restless fingers say that he doesn't have to care.
Until a particularly hard nip shakes him, shocks him out of his stupor. "Oh my god," he says, but he doesn't stop undoing Jimin's belt. "This is because of Seokjin and Hoseok, isn't it?"
Jimin whimpers, shaking his head, and shimmies out of his pants.
"It is. You're thinking about them fucking."
"No!" says Jimin, but Yoongi feels him getting harder in his fist.
"Oh my god. I feel so betrayed."
At that Jimin stills, looking down at him in concern, but Yoongi knows he is grinning, feels light and easy and safe, and he chuckles when Jimin slaps him on the shoulder.
"Seokjin is your family," says Yoongi, faux-scandalized, and Jimin growls at him. "And Hoseok is your manager. One kiss, and you've got them naked in your sex-crazed little imagination. The shame of it."
"Shut up," says Jimin, straining as Yoongi strokes him. "It was hot. Tell me it wasn't."
"I'd never lie to you," says Yoongi, laughing. "Of course it was. I mean, it doesn't get me off, but as long as you don't scream either of their names I don't care what gets you like this. I'll use it all."
"You get me like this," says Jimin, sinfully sweet. "Always. I want you to kiss me like they did, next time. In front of them. I want them all to see it."
"Yeah?"
"Mmmm," hums Jimin, head tilted back in bliss, giving Yoongi access to his swan-like throat.
"Might get me hard," says Yoongi, knowing it's true, wanting it. "You do that to me, you know."
"Good," says Jimin, hips rocking into Yoongi's hand. "Want you to. Want everyone to know."
"Know what?"
"That you fuck me, and I like it," says Jimin, hissing, arching, close to the edge. "I love it. I love taking you."
"Language," says Yoongi, dark and hot. "That dirty mouth is going to get you in a lot of trouble tonight, young man."
"I hope so," says Jimin, gasping, and Yoongi pulls him down to kiss him sloppily, hungrily, swallowing the sounds he makes as he spills over Yoongi's eager hand.
After it's over, Yoongi rubs Jimin's back as he comes down from it, panting heavily, leaning into Yoongi with the fuzzy affection he always gets. Eventually Jimin resolves back into the room, dropping a kiss on Yoongi's collarbone. "Sorry. I couldn't stop myself."
"I wasn't trying to stop you," says Yoongi, still a lot turned on. "You got another one of those in you tonight?"
"Yeah," says Jimin, smiling. "For you I do."
"Ah to be young again," says Yoongi fondly. "Let's get you to bed. Clean you up a little before round two."
Jimin nods, pushing himself up and away.
Yoongi grabs his wrist suddenly, playing his fingers over the pulse. "Hey," he says, looking up. "You really are perfect, you know?"
He hasn't been able to say the things that Jimin really wants, hasn't yet been able to find the courage to speak the ideas he feels creeping around his heart. There's fear there, still, and something uncertain that he can't always name. He wants it, but he wants it to be right, and he doesn't want to give Jimin something that's not fully his to keep until Yoongi is sure of himself.
But this is a thing he can say so he does, whenever the moment feels like it's time, and he always hopes that Jimin understands.
"Yeah," says Jimin softly, and he is still graceful carved stone where he stands, beautiful like statues. "Yeah, I know."