Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Why suffer from depression when you've got a giant erection" Tenko fucking chortled, putting up sign-up sheets for her next killing game.

"Last time, a whole five of these fuckers survived! Better make it... longer and... harder" And with that, the sheet was posted. Instantly, the thirty spots were filled, and just as fast, they were assigned a forbidden action, a team, and a death sentence.

On team black

Kokichi, who cant get starbucks while in the kg

Nagito, who cant talk about his past

Rantaro, who has to be a victim at some point

Hajime, who can't speak about any talents

Chiaki, who can't play gaimu

Celeste, who cannot be a killer

Kirigiri, who can't touch a crime scene

Ishimaru, who cannot run

Maki, who can't climb ladders

Mikan, who can't do anything

Ibuki, who can't sing. That's not her forbidden action that's just tea.

Junko, absolutely cannot speak Arabic no matter what

Kazuichi, who can't be a pervert

Fuyuhiko, who cannot swear at anyone but Peko, and

Korekiyo, who can't read books. Again not a forbidden action just a fact

On team white

Shuichi, who can't be an emo fuck

Kiibo, who can't bring up MLK

Chihiro, who can't be a pussyboi and cry

Hiyoko, who can't be a dick

Kirumi, who can't whisper

Himiko, who [gay]

Komaru, who can't yell

Leon, who can't witness violence between others

Peko, who can't use a weapon other than big long swords (to compensate for Fuyuhiko)

Hifumi, who has to be a slim thicc queen.

Angie, who can't... open... doors????

Kaito, who also cannot be a killer

Gundham, who cannot turn left

Naegi, who can't talk about his talent, and

Tsumugi, who can't take off her glasses ever.

"that was fucking stupid' tenko faces the camera like she's in the episode of the office  "but if you forget anyone now I'll steal ur fuckign kneecaps pleb."

Chapter Text

A shark devours Tenko, ripping out her everything. everybody celebrates

"God, F" Kirumi rates her four stars on Uber. Kirigiri T-Poses on the water as the gods lifting her into the heavens, Leon watersports in fear. Kirigiri lets out a single phrase "peepee poopoo man.". Shuichi shouts from the distance "IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM". Please kill him.

Kirigiri screams as Tenko is brought back to life.

Chihiro falls face first into the water, he's already accepted death, all he has to do is wait for it to take him.

Kiyotaka has not been seen since July 14th, 1982. "Oh no" replies Chiyasuhiro, "Oh dear", replies Kirigreg.

Himiko stares at the Ocean, the Ocean stares back. Himiko stares harder, Ocean does the same. In a fit of rage, Himiko CHUGS THE FUCKING OCEAN. She has slurped the entire Ocean, fish and all. What an icon to us all... except Kirumi. Kirumi's expression says more than she ever could, she is sick of this shit. She becomes the almighty Kirumi Lotion. She can no longer die. "Why did you do this?" She asks Himiko. "I don't like the ocean. It's big, and scary, and I like small spaces more.... I just didn't have enough mp to make it disappear, so I drank it all, I guess..." Riveting.

"Did you slurp the fish too?" Kirumi walks into the not-ocean. Himiko stares off, ashamed that she just fucking drank the fish.. "oh no... I didn't think about the fishes..." Kiyotaka forms from the sand and into existance miles away from the shoreline. He reaches really far and slaps a detention slip on Himiko's hat. He has become the sand guardian, guardian of the sand. "I'm going to devour your souls. Both of you." Kirumi asks, glaring at the Sand creature, attempting to dissolve him with sheer force of will alone. "Oh" Kiyotaka roars, melting into a puddle of fluffy slime to be consumed by YouTube Kids content creators. "Th-that was thanks to my m-magic.." Himiko is scared.

Chihiro continues to lay face first into the water. He'd already accepted death, but it never came. "What a cruel world." He whispers, already crying.

Kiyotaka has turned into a deck of Uno cards, and is feasting on the sands. "See? I helped Kiyotaka enjoy a meal! My magic did something great, like always of course!" Himiko exclaims, joining in the feast. Kiyotaka has consumed his sand, and steals from Himiko. "That wasn't very cash money of you" Magical Loli Sighs. Draw 4, Kiyotaka produces. Himiko does as she's told, perhaps she will be spared, "Nyeh, what colour are you changing it too... this is too much work I just wanted to eat sand with you..." She complains. Pathetic. "P U R P L E" Kiyotaka screams out in pure dread. The sand around them changing colour. "th-THANKS TO MY MAGIC WE HAVE PURPLE SAND UNOTAKA" Kiibo fucking sprints to the beach, "PURPLE IN'T EVEN A COLOUR IN UNO??" He's literally screaming and crying Kiyotaka Ishimaru from Danganronpa Trigger Happy Havoc would never do this. "B R O W N" The agony continues, the sand shifts in colour again. "MY MAGIC S-STRIKES AGAIN!??! I'm a mage y'know!!" Himiko is unaffected. "Change me into a real boy with your magic!" Kiibo pleads, but his plead does nothing. "I don't have enough mp for that, Pinocchio, plus I'm too tired." She lays down on the sand as Kiibo sighs, it really do be like that huh. Despacito is blaring out of his speakers as he falls into the sand. "This is why I don't like the ocean. I always disappoint everyone. I just want to make people smile with my magic." Himiko sobs, licking Kiibo during her tale of woe.

Kaito falls. Kokichi helps him back up. This is so sad alexa play welcome to the black parade.

Tenko dies once again, holding a diamond sword from Minecraft. Maki appears in her time of need, "Hey" "no" "Tenko" "let me die" "Wanna play" "oh god no" "Roblox" "yeah sure in a couple mins if you want"

Unotaka grows with every passing second that y "I draw Uno Reverse."

Kyoko descends from the heavens and perishes, trying to take the ocean with her. "You're too late, I drank it all Kyoko" Himiko is displeased. "I drank what you left behind" Kyoto clarifies. "Oh I thought I did alright but w/e" Himiko Sighs again. Kyoko ate sand in the meantime.

Kaito logs onto Minecraft,

KaitoTheGamer: Mia Kalifa Mia Kalifa BOOM!

KaitoTheGamer: Hit or miss? I guess they never miss huh?

KaitoTheGamer: you got a boyfriend? I bet he doesn't kiss ya!

Himiko: "You got the lyrics wrong kaito"

KaitoTheGamer: damb.

Celestia Ludenberg tries to help Kaito, Chihiro eats sand, and Hifumi Fortnite dances over Tenkos dead body, booty clapping while he watches them play skyblock. "How do you clap with no hands?" Kaito asks. "It's called talent" "It's called fat" "BITCH Come at me, I be working out, getting them gains, you wanna throw down Kokichi's BoyToy?" "who tf's kokichi" Kaito asks, Hifumi lunges at him headass. "Dude, get off, I caught ya fat self L ACKING. End of story" Kaito exposes Hifumi "Bitch I'm still lunge ing. Like damn impatient much." "Not impatient enough, you don't even know my name." "Kaito." "damb" Hifumi just got an epic gamer win "anyways YOU AND KOKICHI HAD LIKE R18 MANGA TOGETJER HOW TF COULD YOU FORGET, FUCCBOI??" Hifumi goes OFF "what's r18" "God could someone else deal with this homosexual I need to go be gay in peace." Hifumi dips

"Mood..." Kaito's last words

Chapter Text

Chihiro and Hifumi browse the library books, in the programming and hentai workout sections respectively. J.Komaru Rowling checks out some news articles and beauty products because god she needs them, have you seen her before? Kiyotaka's studying like the virgin he is and Shuichi peacefully solves a mystery book 42 pages before the mystery is introduced. Himiko picks up a random book to read to blend in, not realizing she's grabbed the fucking dictionary, god what an icon. Kiibo walks in and talks to Chihiro, rest in peace little programmer. "Is this seat ta-"

"I FUCKING KNEW IT WAS THE GODDAMN BUTLER" Shuichi fucking screeches

"THIS IS A SCHOOL LIBRARY! KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN!" Kiyotaka screeches back, the fucking hypocrite

"This is a library... you don't have to be so loud. I could shit you up with my magic yknow." Himiko threatens viciously, god what an icon... "I wonder if Jesus made another book yet.. he makes nice books" Hifumi wonders.

meanwhile Makoto just fucking woke up in a corner with a hangover and it freaking the fuck out. Chihiro wakes up from his feverdream and finally answers Kiibo "Oh, no, it's not.." "How about instead of yelling we just fucking introduce eachother before we die" Himiko suggests, god what an icon. "Oh alright, I'll go first. I'm Komaru Neagi" said Komaru Naegi. "HHmph I'm Himiko Yumeno, the Ultimate Mage! ...Technically I'm the ultimate Magician but my magic is realer than your hairline" what a roast, god what an icon. Makoto continues to fucking trip and Shuichi "I'm shuichi saihara, the ultimate detective..." Saihara breathes oxygen like the biotic organism he is. "Bro." "Sis." Makoto the pothead and Komaru the neagi bond so fucking hard they become one.

"What are you reading?" The terminator asked. "O-oh i-it's j-just s-something I-I s-snatched. It's about basic HTML programming, but I already know this, #AcademicFlex." Chihiro takes no prisoners. "I suppose I should introduce myself next!! I am Kiyotaka Ishimaru, the Ultimate Moral Compass!! Let us work together on our educational crusade." He totally ripped that straight from the game but you don't need to know that. Kyoko walks in, disinterested in all of us nerds. Her aesthetic is purple and disgust. "I'm too tired for this shit" Himiko mutters under her breath, god what an icon. "Umm did you say something Himihoe?" Shuichi fucking kills her. Himiko just mentally insults his hat, god what an icon

"Are you into programming?" YouTube channel Brat's hit show BroBot asks, "Yeah I'm the ultimate programmer #AcademicFlex. What the fuck are you, anyways." Stevehiro Fujobsaki asks. "Yeah I'm the Ultimate Robot SN4-K3, but you can call me Kiibo." "mmmff you're an AI? who made you? god can I just code you please?" Cheerio Footsock asks. Somewhere interesting Lavender Town walks over to the group of people, with that same expression of distaste. "Oh, what's your talent?" Neagi asks. "Kyoko Kirigiri." Kyoko murders her.

Himiko dips and goes to the dining hall bc y'all are boring. God, what an icon. Kiyotaka continues to try and study bc a death game shouldn't impede your science homework. Naegi and Neagi kidnap Shuichi and leave for the beach I think.

Hifumi was reading a... mature... book in the background, drinking some sweet tea along with it. He watched everyone through an eyehole in his newspaper, drinking that tea, slurping that hot tea down. He just slluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurps the tea. Kiyotaka takes a glance at Hifumi's hot tea, realizing just how badly he wants to just suck up that delicious steamy tea right then and there, just slurp it all down and lick the mug clean, CHRIST just inhale the mf tea unnff. Hifumi takes a nice long sssiiiippp of that tea. He fuckng guurglles that tea just gurugurgurugrugruggurugurgurug gurgles it. Fuck Taka has to suppress a moan at just how good that tea looks right now... god how he just wants to suck that tea down like the thirsty little boy he is.

"Hey Taka? What the fuck?" -Chihiro Fujisaki

"Did you guys hear what that funky little lesbian just said? We're stuck here." Himiko comes back, god what an icon.

Hifumi stars pouring the tea on his sexy ripped muscular body, his shirt rips off from his girth alone. Hifumi's body is burning hot, scalding from all of that sweet sweet tea. He didn't care then, and he doesn't care now, he looks fucking good. Kiyotaka continues to eye that hot delicious tea that now covered Queen Hifumi. He tries so hard to keep his focus on studying but he cant help but watch that steamy tea run down his defined body. DEAR GOD how he just wants to lick it right off of Hifumi's rock hard nine-pack as soon as he could.

"Hifumi this creep is staring at you. I can cast them away with my magic if you want... yknow… because I'm a mage" Himiko interrupts the sexually explicit content before I had to age restrict this fic, god what an icon. Hifumi passes out from the heat of the moment, he might be dead but he's still covered in some sexy tea. He's definitely buffer than Sakura and he looks hella lickable. Kiyotaka fucking yeets his book back on the bookshelf and leaves, bc god he had no rebuttal to the truth. Himiko follows the teasexual, god what an icon. Hifumi lays dead on the ground, the tea was still on his body, his slick, moist, rough, hard, wet, tea-ridden body. Hifumi is now dead. 29 People remain.