Work Text:
Midnight watched them over the campfire.
The rest of the guild were having a raucous time teasing Jellal and Erik. Mostly Jellal, because he was more fun to tease, although Erik's ears turned pink easily and he had a way of sulking that couldn't mask his happiness.
Erik, happy.
Pigs flying.
They found it difficult to join in the conversation, watching as Sawyer and Sorano ganged up and tried to get the couple to kiss, getting a stammering scowl from Jellal and a death glare from Erik. This was not Midnight's arena. They were not good at contributing to these types of things.
They looked away from the fire into the dark of the woods. Sometimes, being surrounded by people was lonely.
"Hey you," Melody said cheerfully, poking their arm.
Grunting, they feigned a smile.
They'd tried the dating thing and…suffice it to say, it hadn't turned out well.
Midnight simply wasn't into people like that. Not on a sexual level. They'd had intense connections with people, sure, but always of the emotional kind. When their partner asked if Midnight found them attractive, the answer was always that they didn't feel things like that.
Nobody believed them.
Erik sat down heavily at their side.
"What?" Midnight asked, blinking.
"Yeah," Erik said.
Midnight tried to remember what they'd been thinking. "Feeling…attraction?"
"Yeah, that."
"You don't either?"
"I do. But only with specific people."
"Like Jellal," they said.
Erik blushed. "Yeah. Of course like him."
"But you don't find random strangers attractive? Aren't looking around thinking about all the hotties?"
"Nope. People never interested me."
Midnight snorted, a smile trailing up their mouth.
Erik smiled back.
Thanks, they thought. He was good at cheering people up.
"No, I'm not," Erik grumbled. "You're just easy to cheer."
"Well, thanks anyway."
"…for the longest time, we all thought you were…well, straight," Sorano said, looking at Jellal.
"Yeah," Melody put in. "When did that change?"
"Oh dear," Erik said quietly, rolling his eyes. "Here it comes."
"It didn't change," Jellal scoffed. "I've always been attracted to—um, to men."
"But what about Erza?" Melody asked.
Jellal turned a shade of pink that was visible even in the orange firelight.
"That was a special circumstance."
"She's a woman."
"She's…there were other things to that situation. And she's the reason I know I'm gay."
"Why on earth would you date someone you don't find attractive?" Sorano snapped. Her tone was so harsh that everyone looked at her. "What?"
"I know you're upset about—"
"Don't say their name, Richard," she snarled.
"In answer," Jellal said, overriding the others, "I didn't know I didn't find her attractive. I didn't know what attraction was supposed to feel like. Not like that, apparently. I just…couldn't."
"He's being awfully forthcoming," Midnight murmured to Erik.
Erik grinned. "He's had two cups of sake."
"Only two?"
Erik's teeth were razor-sharp.
"Jellal doesn't normally drink."
"You bastard," Midnight said affectionately. "You wanted him to get all sappy."
Erik shrugged. "Nothing wrong with wanting that."
When everything quieted down, Midnight shifted around until their bedroll was next to Richard's.
"Hello," Richard whispered, genial like always.
"Hey."
"Did you see the stars?" he asked, staring up. "I will never get used to this. Love spread across the sky in twinkling form."
Midnight smiled and stared up too. "Yeah. It is nice."
They both exhaled. Midnight inched closer.
Richard shifted his blanket across the rocky ground until they were side-by-side, shoulders touching. He didn't ask, didn't comment, and didn't react. Just let Midnight put their hand next to his and finally begin to relax.
"Are you ever lonely?" Midnight asked. They knew it was a revealing question to their own state of mind, but they didn't care. The night was beautiful and full.
"No," Richard said simply. "I'm not. I have my guildmates and my lifelong friends. I have my brother's letters. I have the friendly people we encounter in towns and villages."
"You're not about to start dating too?" Midnight teased.
"No, I don't feel that way."
Oh really. They looked over. "You seem awfully into romance. It's the only thing you read."
"Just because I like reading it doesn't mean I feel it myself. I don't want a relationship like Erik, but I like when people inject the world with more beauty by falling in love and caring for another person. In the same way that I don't like that woman we met last week, but I respect her pacifist views."
"Fair enough."
Midnight sighed.
"You're lonely?"
"No…" they said, drawing the word out slowly. "I don't want to have to take care of one person. I don't want to—egkh, I don't even want to think about making out with someone; sounds disgusting. Mouths have so many germs and diseases."
"Here here."
"So I guess I'm like you. I've got my guildmates." They smiled into the dark.
"Do you ever think it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with?" Richard asked.
"I…" They knew he was asking because he knew. "It doesn't have to be someone; it can be anyone. I just don't like not getting to touch anyone. It's so…"
"Cut off?"
"Yeah. I feel lonely even though I'm not lonely. But you have to have a relationship in order to get cuddling, and it's just not worth the price."
"Melody likes to cuddle," Richard offered. "She cuddles with you a lot. With everyone."
"Yeah. I really like that."
They fell silent, but it wasn't for a lack of words. There were too many things. Too many to say. All of them were too important and not important enough.
"You know you can always ask, right?" Richard asked. "You can ask for hugs or whatever. I like giving hugs. Melody likes giving hugs. Probably everyone except Sorano would give you one, and only Erik would vocally complain about it."
"Yeah." Their throat was tight. "I just… It's more than just a hug. I want too much. You're not supposed to fall asleep in someone's arms unless they're your mate. You're not—"
Richard rolled onto his side and wrapped an arm over them.
"That's not true," he murmured from somewhere above their head. "Anyone can cuddle and fall asleep together. Especially if they're friends, but not even that is required."
Midnight gave a little laugh, but it held relief, and their muscles finally relaxed out of their death grip and they were able to lean into his arm a little.
"Thanks," they said, curling around closer until they were comfortable. "Is this okay?"
"Yes."
"Can I…fall asleep?"
"I plan to."
Midnight closed their eyes and smiled.
Maybe not everyone was like them. Maybe not everyone understood. But they had friends who did, and friends who were willing to humor them even if they didn't understand—Richard was right, any one of their guildmates would offer a hug if it were requested.
Maybe they just needed to learn how to ask.
It was so hard to admit to needing something from people. But the end results were always so pleasant.
They just needed to learn to stop being ashamed.