Chapter Text
Tuesday, 7:23 am
the Castiel haters club
A raging lesbian: there’s been a lot of drama going on lately huh
Peggy: ik and it’s been AMAZING
Peggy: the article about nath’s downfall is going to be bonkersss
Peggy: i have some extra content too ;)
Nathaniel: how delightful.
A raging lesbian: in honor of our drama era, i think we should switch things up a bit
The tea is hot: wdymm
A raging lesbian changed A raging lesbian ’s name to sappho enjoyer .
The Babadook: is sappho like… an instrument?
Alice the conspricay theorist: nahhh
sappho enjoyer changed The Babadook ’s name to Heartbreaker .
Heartbreaker: I DIDNT DO IT ON PURPOSE
sappho enjoyer changed Alice the conspricay theorist ’s name to punk rock asshole .
punk rock asshole: sounds about right
woman: i feel like we’re not focusing on the most important thing :(
Peggy: and what is that, if i may ask…?
woman: nath and kim have their detention today :(
woman: i feel bad
Peggy: oh i already knew that so idc
jiggle my puffs: it’s kinda my fault but ya know if you keep blaming yourself for every little thing then it’s all going to eat you alive
sappho enjoyer changed jiggle my puffs ’s name to gaymer boy .
gaymer boy: i’d like to preface this by saying i have nothing against gay people as my own flesh and blood is gay but
gaymer boy changed gaymer boy ’s name to bulba my saur .
The tea is hot: armin is homophobic confirmed!??!?!?!
bulba my saur: i do not give a rattata’s ass about if you’re gay or not but me, personally, i only have eyes for one girl
sappho enjoyer changed The tea is hot ’s name to apple of my eyeris .
punk rock asshole: these names kinda suck ngl
sappho enjoyer: you do better then
punk rock asshole: aight
punk rock asshole changed woman ’s name to flat earth .
Kim kardashian: ain’t no way
flat earth: hey! >:(
flat earth: how are you doing kim
Kim kardashian: i have contemplated changing my name and fleeing to antarctica but sadly i hate the cold
punk rock asshole changed Kim kardashian ’s name to betrayatron 3000 .
betrayatron 3000: ???
punk rock asshole: the cost of falling in love with our beloved mr presodent
betrayatron 3000: at least i have the guts to fucking do something about it instead of moping all alone
Jane the killer: speaking of moping
Jane the killer: how’s alexy doing
sappho enjoyer changed Jane the killer ’s name to best girl .
best girl: you’re damn right
bulba my saur: he’s smiling a lot lately and he isn’t skipping class anymore
Heartbreaker: he’s alright again, right?
Nathaniel’s bride: It’d be great if he were doing better.
bulba my saur: uhhh
bulba my saur: let’s keep our fingers crossed!!!
sappho enjoyer changed Nathaniel ’s name to clyde .
sappho enjoyer changed Nathaniel’s bride ’s name to bonnie .
bonnie: May I ask why I’m always the woman?
bulba my saur: LMAO ARE WE IMPLYING THAT NATH TOPS
clyde: please stop it.
sappho enjoyer: excuse you armin but women can top too!
best girl: #pegging4lyfe
best girl: not that i have experience
bulba my saur: Ah, right, I deeply apologize for being so presumptuous. I am aware that people who identify as women are also capable of “topping” the people who identify as men, no matter what parts they have. Of course, I, as a straight man, do not like to be “topped” by my partner, however, I do not shame those who wish to be “topped”, such as Lysander Ainsworth.
betrayatron 3000: nahhh bro wrote a whole essay
bonnie: Excuse my language, but ain’t no way.
punk rock asshole: LMAO
sappho enjoyer: straight men can like bottoming, armin, take a sex ed class
punk rock asshole: watch out he’s gonna write another book
bulba my saur: Priya, my dear friend, I must apologize once more, for I once again assumed that one would have to be somewhat “fruity” in order to like taking it up the ass. However, now I know that that is not the case, and you can be heterosexual and like it as well. It appears my straightness has nothing to do with me wanting for phallic objects to steer clear of my behind, and I am just “built different”, as they say. This said, this means that Lysander Ainsworth may as well be heterosexual, however, given that he bottoms for someone we presume to identify as a man, Nathaniel Carello, I must still assume him to be bisexual at the very least.
bonnie: At this point I would rather just have you call me a slur.
sappho enjoyer: …i accept your apology i guess
punk rock asshole: why r we talking about sex when none of you losers have even gotten laid
sappho enjoyer: or have we…?
punk rock asshole: well armin hasn’t, that much is clear
bulba my saur: why do u think that
punk rock asshole: because you probably have an anime body pillow that you cuddle every night all alone
bulba my saur: heh
bulba my saur: UH OH CLASS IS STARTING I GTG
betrayatron 3000: aint no way
-
If he had to choose one word for how he was feeling, that word would have to be “empty”. Putting on a happy face, laughing at Armin’s jokes in class, rolling his eyes along with the others when Amber asks a stupid math question… It’s all so draining.
Alexy doesn’t know how much more of him there is left to drain.
He hasn’t been getting sleep lately. He stole foundation from his mom to cover up the dark circles with. He fears it may have been a couple shades too dark and ended up making him look worse.
Everyone else around him is so happy. It’s unfair. He doesn’t get why he has to be like this: if he just got unlucky with a set of bad genes from his biological parents or if he’s just been cursed from birth.
Whichever it is, he’s getting tired, and he finds everything blurring together halfway through the lesson.
“Alexy…?”
The blue-haired boy blinks his eyes open. Drool has soaked through his textbook. He sits up, disoriented and sleepy, but not out of it enough not to notice Lysander standing in front of his desk. The classroom around them is empty.
“I see that makes two of us who didn’t get much sleep last night,” the boy smiles softly.
“Ah, yeah, I kinda…” Alexy rubs his eyes. Pigment gets stuck on his fingertips. “Stayed up.”
“Would you like to talk about it? It’s lunch time, we could go somewhere,” Lysander suggests. “I know I’d like a break from the hectic school environment. Peggy’s article is all over school.”
“...What article?”
Lysander hesitates for a moment. Alexy isn’t sure he’s ever seen Lysander hesitate.
“What article, Lysander?”
Alexy gets up and storms out of the classroom. Eyes are looking at him everywhere: to his left, to his right. Right in front of him. Luna is standing right in front of him with a newspaper and a frown with her.
They meet in the middle of the hallway as he grabs the newspaper from her hands. “Alexy, I’m so sorry— She must’ve heard us in the courtyard the other day—”
His news article isn’t that big given that the front page is decorated by Nathaniel and Kim’s pictures, the text telling all about the huge scandal they were caught in. But on the side, there’s a small picture of Alexy.
“THE SCHOOL SUN HAS A BAD CASE OF THE BLUES”
“Honestly, I don’t know how the teachers don’t check this stuff!” Luna insists, but something cold is burning inside Alexy’s stomach, inside his throat. He can’t swallow it, gulping only makes it hurt more.
There’s not much more he can do but storm off, walking across all the curious gazes and Castiel’s stupid grin and Nathaniel’s worried eyes and Armin trying to reach him. He just walks, marches and runs until he’s all alone in the boys’ locker room.
Once there, he curls up into a small ball against the lockers and cries.
That’s it. No one’s ever going to know him as anything other than the depressed boy. Even being known as just the gay kid was better than this. At least that had a flair to it, something that didn’t make people pity him. But now it’s all ruined.
All because of a boy who doesn’t like him back.
“...Alexy.”
The boy looks up from behind his arms. It’s stupid Lysander again with that stupid soft smile and Alexy’s backpack in his hand. He sits on the ground next to the blue-haired boy, pushing his back against the wall.
“You forgot your things in the classroom.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Alexy mutters, teary-eyed. “After today I’m going to change schools. Even if my parents disown me.”
“I understand why you’re upset, but… isn’t it better that your friends know about what you’re going through?” Lysander asks.
“As if, the entire school knows!” Alexy spits. He rubs his face and sobs, trying to gather his breath. “I just… I didn’t want to worry anyone. This was for me to deal with. Alone.”
Lysander is quiet for a moment, his knees to his chest. Then he asks: “Alexy, do you know my brother, Leigh?”
“...Yeah?”
“You probably didn’t know that he used to have depression. He still gets bouts of it to this day.”
Alexy blinks. The boy is right, he didn’t know.
“He used to hide it. From Rosa, even from me, because he felt like it would burden us to know. But at some point he realized that it’s impossible to carry it all alone,” Lysander explains softly. “It was easier for us to understand when we were able to do research, and he could explain to us what we could do to help and what made things worse.”
Alexy swallows. The burning has eased, even if just a bit.
“Even though it was despicable of Peggy to write about it, you just have to live with it. And for now, you might just have to make the most of it.” The boy pauses. So do Alexy’s tears. He looks up and sees Lysander looking at him with sympathy.
“...What?”
“I think you’re very brave. Putting on a smile every day just so the rest of us wouldn’t get worried.”
Alexy chuckles weakly, wiping his hair from his face. Even strands of it are wet from crying. “I’ve done it for so long I think I’ve gotten used to it.”
“I hope you never have to pretend again,” Lysander says solemnly.
Alexy looks at him in his kind, different-coloured eyes, and he feels so seen he could start crying again.
Instead he throws himself forward and wraps his arms around the taller boy’s shoulders with a thump. It’s a hug: they’re hugging now, and Lysander’s hugging him back even with the cost of his fancy clothes getting wrinkles.
Once they’re done here, he might just find Armin and talk. For the first time in a long while, he might just be honest, too.