Chapter Text
Freed’s expression was grim as he slipped into the infirmary, relieved when Bickslow took one look at his face before quietly excusing himself. Although that meant that he was then alone with Laxus for the first time in days. Alone with the Dragon-slayer who was currently hovering between life and death as a curse fought to burrow its way into his heart, because of him. It had been his fault - he had been distracted for a split second in the middle of a battle, and Laxus had thrown himself into the path of the spell as it shot towards him. It should be me lying there, it was a thought that had haunted his every thought since the battle nearly a week ago, burrowing deep inside no matter how often the others tried to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault. It should be me…
“Laxus…” Freed whispered, hesitating for a moment before reaching out to grasp Laxus’s hand, hating the way it lay limp in his grasp. He was used to those large hands gripping his with a tenderness that he knew not many people realised Laxus possessed…and he closed his eyes as he brought the hand up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of it, even though he knew that he no longer had any right to do that. I’m sorry, he apologised silently, opening his eyes and tracing the pale features of Laxus’s face with stinging eyes. If it weren’t for the slow rise and fall of the Dragon-slayer’s chest it would have been easy to believe that he was dead…and he knew that hidden beneath the covers were the dark tendrils of the curse as they worked their way through the Lightning mage’s body. “You have to hold all right? Just a little longer…”
Please…
Even now Porlyusica and a large part of the guild were frantically scouring the library for some way to counter the curse, and he knew that Makarov was spending every moment not spent at his Grandson’s side contacting their allies across Fiore and yet all he could see was the time that was running out on them. At the moment the curse had free reign through the Dragon-slayer’s body, the only part that it had yet to reach was Laxus’s heart, and that was because Freed in the split second that he had realised what had happened, had cast a protective rune cage around the blond’s heart just in time. Opening his eyes, he reached out and laid his other hand over Laxus’s heart, his runes flickering to life and his expression darkened as he realised that the outer layer had already been eroded. We’re running out of time. He’s running out of time…
“I won’t let it get your heart,” he murmured, eyes glinting with determination as he poured more magic into the rune cage, fingers trembling as he did what he could to strengthen the untouched layers and stubbornly ignoring the painful tug in his own chest and the exhaustion that pressed in on him. The others thought that he was exhausted from not sleeping and worrying about Laxus, and that was true, but what he hadn’t told them, and what he had no intention of telling them, was that his magic alone was not enough to halt the path of this curse. He had tried with just magic, and it had fallen almost at once. And in a fit of desperation, he had tied himself to it, letting the rune cage draw power from him at all times and it was only then that he had halted the curse. The question now was how long he could maintain this level of power? “It doesn’t matter, I won’t let it fail.” I can’t…
Freed could practically hear Laxus’s voice in the back of his mind shouting at him for being reckless, but he pushed it aside as he slowly drew his hand back, trying to ignore how badly he was shaking as the runes slowly faded from sight. I have to save you. It should be me lying there, so I have to be the one that saves you. Deep down he knew that wasn’t what Laxus would want, and he felt terrible for not telling Bickslow and Evergreen, but he knew that they would try and get him to stop, even if it meant risking losing Laxus. I can’t stop. I can’t let that happen… He tightened his hold on Laxus’s hand as he slowly sank down into the chair that Bickslow had been using, feeling utterly drained as he clung to the Dragon-slayer.
I will save you…
**
Bickslow was silent as he stepped into the infirmary, eyes narrowing behind his visor as he took in the figure slumped against Laxus’s bed with a worried frown. Freed. The rune mage had been off ever since the battle, and while he knew a large part of that was because he was concerned about Laxus. As well as still blaming himself for what had happened, even though everyone including Makarov had done their best to reassure him that they weren’t blaming him, he couldn’t help but think there was something more to it. More than once he had seen Freed reaching out to grab something for support, and the day before the Seith mage had seen him rubbing at his chest as though it was hurting, but every time he tried to ask the Rune mage would either change the topic or disappear without a word. What are you hiding?
Sighing he moved across to the pair, his steps growing heavier the closer he got, his gaze shifting to the unconscious Dragon-slayer. Laxus. While the entire team had got closer to the rest of the guild since that fateful Fantasia, their loyalty to the Dragon-slayer hadn’t faded in the slightest. In fact, it was probably stronger than it had ever been, and it made the sight of their ‘Thunder God’ like that even harder to bear and his hands clenched at his side. We should have got there in time… He doubted he would ever forget the sight of Laxus going down as the curse wrapped around him, or the sound of Freed’s terrified cry when he realised what had happened and he just prayed that they would get the chance to make up for that. We have to have that…
Reaching them, he moved across to Freed, determined to at least move him to a bed as it couldn’t be comfortable sleeping hunched over like that, only to find himself hesitating as he caught sight of their entwined hands and his mouth quirked in a wry smile. The relationship between the pair of them was one of the worst kept secrets in the guild, and yet both of them were so private about it that even the Raijinshuu rarely got to see moments like this and he couldn’t help but feel that he was intruding. He was about to retreat and leave them in peace when a flash of colour caught his attention, and he frowned as he lent in to peer at Freed’s face, realising for the first time just how pale the Rune mage was. However, more worrying was the trickle of blood coming from his nose, and the feeling that something more was going on skyrocketed and he was moving before he’d consciously decided what he was going to do.
“Freed! Freed!” He called softly as he crouched down beside the chair, not wanting to startle his friend, but determined to get answers to the questions that he had been putting off asking for the past couple of days. A soft moan met his efforts, and he watched with growing concern as the Rune mage struggled to stir, too used to Freed’s usual habits of snapping awake in an instance. This time though it was several minutes before the younger mage was able to coax his eyes open, and there was a dazed light in his eyes as he slowly focused on Bickslow that worried the Seith mage. “Are you with me?”
“Bickslow…?”
“Yeah,” Bickslow replied softly, attempting an echo of his usual grin, but it fell flat as he watched Freed’s gaze becoming less and less focused by the second and he cautiously reached out to grasp the Rune mage’s shoulder, barely stifling a gasp as he caught the heat coming off the younger man. “Freed what’s going on?” He tried to inject a hint of steel into his voice, knowing from experience that Freed would do anything in his power to stop the other’s worrying about him, often pushing himself to the limit when ill, only to collapse when his body had finally had enough. Laxus will kill us if we let it get to that point, he thought as he glanced towards the Dragon-slayer, who seemed to be the only one who was never fooled by the Rune mage’s façade. Laxus…
It took a moment for the question to register through the haze that seemed to have settled over his mind, and Freed blinked slowly as he glanced between his friend and the Dragon-slayer on the bed, before raising an uncoordinated hand towards his chest. The weakness and pain from earlier had intensified, and he was vaguely aware of the dampness under his nose. Damn it…He had known that he couldn’t support the rune cage indefinitely, but he had been praying that he would have longer, and his gaze flickered to his wrist. He had spotted it that morning, the dark tendril that was slowly making its way up his arm and currently hidden by his sleeve and had been trying to ignore it. I’m running out of time… Gradually he shifted his attention back to Bickslow, blinking as he realised the older mage was waiting patiently for an answer and he swallowed nervously. I can’t tell him…
“N-nothing,” his voice was unsteady, and he grimaced, he didn’t even sound convincing to himself, and he was unsurprised when all traces of Bickslow’s grin disappeared.
“Freed…”
“I’m just tired,” Freed cut across him, reluctantly releasing Laxus’s hand and rising to his feet, hoping that he could get out of there before he gave himself away completely. “I just…I just need to…” His voice trailed off as pain lanced through his chest, drawing a faint cry from his lips. No…not yet…I need to hold on a little longer…just a …little…longer…
The world was spinning around him, sounds fading in and out around him and he grabbed wildly for the chair in the hopes of steadying himself. What is going on? His stomach was rolling, and he paled as he doubled over, helpless to do anything as he threw up the little he had managed to eat that morning and he was still doubled over when he felt warm hands coming to rest on his shoulder. Blearily he lifted his hold, vaguely able to make out the towering form of Bickslow beside him before everything faded in a sickening whirl of colours, and he could faintly hear his teammate’s frantic voice just before the world disappeared completely.
****
The pain was the first thing that registered as he drifted awake, that and the exhaustion pressing down on him and leaving him feeling as though he might never move again. Still, he had to try, and with far more effort than it should have required he managed to move his head slightly, only to flinch as there was immediately movement at his side and a loud voice spoke.
“Freed are you awake?”
“Y-yeah,” Freed whispered, blinking as he fought to clear his vision, frowning as he realised that he was still in the infirmary. Only this time he was laid in one of the beds, and when he twisted his head he could make out Laxus’s still form on the next bed, and his heart sank once more as even with his blurry vision he could tell that the Dragon-slayer’s condition hadn’t changed. Closing his eyes, he drew in a deep breath, trying to ignore the nausea churning away in his stomach as he cautiously reopened them and shifted his attention back to his companions. Startled to see Makarov standing next to the rest of the Raijinshuu, although he carefully avoided making eye contact with the older man as fresh guilt washed over him. “What happened?”
He could recall talking to Laxus, and then Bickslow rousing him after he had fallen asleep beside the Dragon-slayer…then there were vague impressions of exhaustion and nausea and then nothing. I can’t afford to lose now, he thought with a hint of despair as he hastily checked that his connection to the runes around Laxus’s heart was still intact. They were, but there was flicker to the edges that scared him, and he hastily strengthened them, dismayed to realise that his efforts had barely any effect. No…
“You collapsed,” Evergreen was the one to answer, her voice trembling slightly as she reached out to grasp his hand and he blinked up at her, confused by the tear tracks that he could see on her cheeks. Why are you crying? He wanted to ask, but the words wouldn’t form and before he could get his voice to work she had already continued softly. “Your magic is dangerously weak…”
“You need to release the spell,” Makarov added sternly and Freed’s eyes widened in alarm as the words registered. They know? Guilt and dread were warring for control as his gaze drifted to his teammate's faces, and a chill washed over him as he saw the knowing looks in their eyes and the underlying anger and he swallowed nervously. They know…. “Freed…”
“No…” Freed whispered, shaking his head desperately, hands clenching in the covers and he was relieved to note that he was still wearing his shirt. Hopefully, that meant they hadn’t realised just how bad things had got. I can’t release the spell. I won’t…
“Freed this is killing you!” Bickslow’s protest came out louder than he’d expected, and he faltered for a moment, only to gather himself as he caught the stubborn expression on the Rune mage’s face. Freed you idiot, he glanced at Evergreen who nodded slightly, a pained expression on her face, and he let out a defeated sigh. They had discussed what they were going to do if Freed proved to be as stubborn as they expected, but he still felt like it was a low blow as his gaze flickered across to the Lightning mage for a moment before refocusing on the Rune Mage. “Laxus…Laxus wouldn’t want that, you should know that better than anyone.” He felt horrible when he saw the tears that welled up in Freed’s eyes in response to his words, but he had no intention of taking them back. As much as they feared losing Laxus, they couldn’t afford to risk losing Freed either, but he doubted that Freed was able to see that given his current mindset.
“I know…” Freed whispered.
“Then…”
“It’s too late,” Freed admitted quietly, unable to bring himself to look at any of them as he caught the sharp intakes of breath that met his proclamation. I’m sorry…
“What do you mean?” Makarov asked tersely, and there was a strange note in his voice that forced the Rune mage to gather his courage and look up at the older man, shivering slightly at the anger in the dark eyes that met his gaze. That was the expression that he had expected when they’d first returned with Laxus, but the older man had refused to listen to his apologies, gently resting a hand on his shoulder and telling him that it wasn’t his fault.
“The curse has spread it’s in my magic now,” Freed replied softly, hesitating for a moment before pushing himself into an upright position, not liking how much effort that simple movement had taken or the breathless feeling it had left behind. It took him a minute to recover, but slowly he reached down and pulled up his sleeve, feeling his heart drop as he realised that the tendril had grown since that morning and he had a feeling that it probably covered a lot more of his body than he’d thought. “I had to connect myself to the rune cage, it was the only way to make it strong enough to stop the curse, but…”
“It’s allowed the curse to spread to you,” Makarov finished for him, and Freed nodded, looking down as he heard a muffled sob from Evergreen’s direction and not daring to imagine what Bickslow’s expression must be like right now. “You…”
“I had to save Laxus…it was my fault!” Even if it hadn’t been his fault, he knew that he would have gone to the same lengths to save Laxus. The thought of a world without Laxus was unbearable. It had been bad enough when the Dragon-slayer had been exiled, but at least then he’d had the comfort of knowing that the other mage was out there somewhere. The thought of him being gone…permanently…left a sick feeling in his stomach. I have to save him…
“Foolish child…” Makarov’s quiet murmur made him cautiously raise his head once more, and he was stunned when the older man reached out as though to take his hand, only to come up short as they both realised it was too risky. “It was Laxus’s choice to protect you, he wouldn’t have wanted this…he wouldn’t have blamed you, and neither do I.”
“Master…”
“We can stop this right?” Evergreen demanded sharply, scrubbing fiercely at the tears staining her cheeks before shooting an angry glare at Freed who flinched at the look. “We…”
“I don’t know,” Makarov admitted heavily, and his face was lined with such profound grief as he glanced at his Grandson that Freed had to bite his lip to hold back a sob. How can you say you don’t blame me when you look like that? He wanted to demand, but he held the words back, knowing that it wasn’t going to help anything at the moment. “We’re still looking for a way to stop the curse, and now its dependent on…” The Guild master trailed off as he turned to look apologetically at Freed who knew precisely what he was trying to avoid saying, and his hands clenched as he tried not to glance down at the dark tendrils spreading across his skin.
“It depends on how long I can hold out right?” Freed asked softly, and Makarov nodded reluctantly, and the Rune mage hesitated for a moment before glancing across at Laxus and his expression hardened as he followed the slow rise and fall of the Dragon-slayer’s chest. “I will hold on as long as possible…” I promise I will give them the time to save you…He pulled his sleeve down to cover the tendrils, well aware that even if they found something to treat the Dragon-slayer, it might not work on him as it had spread to his magic as well and from the shadowed look in Makarov’s eyes the old man had realised that as well. It doesn’t matter, as long as he is safe…
“But…” Evergreen protested weakly.
“This was my choice,” Freed cut across her softly, trying to offer her something resembling a reassuring smile, but he doubted it looked much more than a grimace as he felt the pressure of time running out pressing in on him even more than before. I have to hold on…
“It was a stupid one,” Bickslow growled sounding angrier that Freed had ever heard him, and for once the dolls hanging around his shoulders didn’t echo his words and the Rune mage swallowed. It was rare that he got to see this side of his best friend, and he hesitated for a moment, well aware of how destructive the Seith mage could be when he really lost his temper.
“Maybe…” He allowed finally, hearing Laxus’s voice in the back of his mind once more and he raised his head to stare into the visor where he knew dark red eyes were probably narrowed in anger. “But I can’t regret it…” I’m sorry, but Laxus is more important. There was a tense silence for a few minutes as they stared at one another, but eventually, Bickslow sighed, his shoulders slumping dejectedly and his voice was thick when he replied.
“I know…and that’s what scares me.”
Idiot…you’re so ready to throw your life away. Don’t you realise how much we need you?
****
Three days later:
Time. Time it transpired was not on their side. Freed had done his best to hold out as long as possible, but the runes had grown weaker and weaker as the curse spread further through both his and Laxus’s bodies, and although no one had been able to bring themselves to say it aloud, he knew that they weren’t going to find anything in time. I’m sorry. There were tears in his eyes as he managed to shift onto his side so that he could stare across at Laxus, wishing that he could at least touch him once more. However, even the effort of moving onto his side had exhausted him, and he could feel his eyes threatening to close even though he had already spent most of the day resting. I’m so sorry…
“Laxus…” He whispered stretching a trembling hand out towards the Dragon-slayer, tears spilling onto his cheeks as his vision blurred. Not yet. Please not yet. Desperately he tried to pour more power into the rune cage, not caring that blood was beginning to trickle from his nose once more. Just a little longer, just for him…just a little longer… he pleaded with his magic, not caring as he felt the tendril spreading beneath his skin as his chest began to burn. Please, give him more time…
“Freed!” The rune mage jolted with a weak cry as strong arms wrapped around him, and he glanced up to find Bickslow holding him as Evergreen pulled the covers off him, both of them looking like they were about to fall apart at any moment. When did they get here? He thought blearily before his gaze shifted back to Laxus, his arm falling as his strength waned. Laxus. “Here we’ll take you to him,” Bickslow’s voice was trembling slightly as he carefully lifted the Rune mage, ignoring the weak protest that met the action until Freed tried to squirm out of his arms. “The Master says it’s safe as long as there’s material between us,” he muttered, knowing that was what Freed was worried about, and hoping that Evergreen wouldn’t reveal the lie. The important thing was that Freed seemed to have believed it, either that or he had lost what little strength he had been clinging to as he slumped in the Seith mage’s arms, struggling to keep his eyes open.
Bickslow felt his eyes burning fiercely as he carried his best friend the short distance to Laxus’s bed, hesitating for a moment before gently settling the Rune mage down on the bed. Knowing that with that action he was admitting defeat, and he wasn’t surprised to hear the hiccupping sob that escaped before Evergreen could suppress it, and his hands shook as he helped Freed arrange himself against Laxus’s side.
“Thank you…” Freed whispered peering up and offering the taller mage a wan smile, before slowly turning his head so that he could look up at Laxus and with a small sniffle Bickslow stepped back, unwilling to leave but wanting to give them some semblance of privacy.
Freed couldn’t help but wonder what he’d done to deserve his teammates as he heard them moving a short distance away, and he wished that he had the words to tell them properly just what they meant to him. But he could feel his strength slipping away, the pain in his chest increasing at the moment, and there was still something he had to say. Feeling fresh tears on his cheeks he managed to inch himself upwards until his face was resting in the crook of Laxus’s neck, and he had to pause for a minute, sucking in desperate breaths as he tried to summon the strength for this, nuzzling his nose against warm skin as he drank in the familiar scent. Laxus….
“Laxus…” He whispered, praying that somewhere in there Laxus could still hear his voice as his hand crept up to rest over the Dragon-slayer’s heart, letting it rise and fall with Laxus’s chest. Closing his eyes as he recalled lying like this during happier times, missing the way that Laxus would always curl a possessive arm around his back, ever fearful that Freed would disappear. I was never going to go anywhere…He pressed his face closer against the Dragon-slayer’s neck, muffling the words, but Laxus was the only one meant to hear them. “I’m…sorry that I wasn’t strong enough…that I couldn’t give you the time…you needed…” That you deserved….
It was getting harder to breathe, and he curled his fingers against Laxus’s chest, letting his eyes drift shut as he pushed the last remnants of his magic into the flickering rune cage…he knew that it wasn’t going to make a difference at this stage, but it was the only thing he had left to give the Dragon-slayer who had held his own heart for so long. It’s not much…but I’m giving you my time…The world was slipping away from him, and this time he didn’t fight it, even though he wished that he could have had a little longer…there were words he still wanted to say, both to his teammates who he could hear distantly in the background and to the warm presence at his side and there were fresh tears on his cheeks when his time ran out…
I love you…
Chapter Text
“I’m…sorry that I wasn’t strong enough…that I couldn’t give you the time…you needed…”
The words drifted towards him through the darkness that had been holding him prisoner for what felt like forever, and he found himself frantically seizing hold of then, even as fear curled in his stomach. Freed…He would know that voice anywhere, even now when his thoughts and memories were hazy at best, and he frowned at the broken tone. The Rune mage was never supposed to sound like that. He was never supposed to say something like that, and a low growl rumbled through the Dragon-slayer. Freed…The strength that had been missing, while he was trapped by the shadows, was slowly seeping back in, just a trickle at the moment, but he seized hold of it as he fought his way towards consciousness, following the path of those broken words.
I’m coming…
It was harder than he had ever anticipated, and more than once he had found himself faltering, the shadows weighing down on him and threatening to drag him under. However, the fear churning in his gut was rapidly turning to dread, and he fought the urge to fall back into unconsciousness. The closer he got to consciousness, the more his memories seemed to come into focus - the battle, seeing Freed distracted and seemingly unaware of the spell heading in his direction. He had moved without thinking, unable to focus on anything but the urge to protect the Rune mage and then there had been nothing but pain. Sheer agony racing through every part of his body, the world fading around him as fire raced towards his heart, and then just before the darkness had claimed him there had been a familiar purple light. Freed. Freed did something to save me…
“Fre…ed…” He managed to force his voice to work before he even attempted to coax his eyes open, wanting to hear his mate’s voice. Needing to know that they were both okay, and even as he struggled to get his eyes open, he waited. Waited for the feel of a calloused hand either slipping into his own, or gentle fingers brushing against his cheek. Only it never came. Instead, he became aware of an odd tension that had seeped into the air around him, and with a muffled groan he managed to force his eyes to open, blinking slowly as the world appeared in an undecipherable blur of colour.
“Laxus…?” A tentative voice asked, and he blinked. He knew that voice too, but it wasn’t the one he needed to hear, the voice he wanted to hear, and he let out a soft displeased noise. Freed, where was Freed? He blinked again, feeling oddly heavy and sluggish, and it was only as his vision slowly began to clear that he became aware of the weight pressing against his side, the hair tickling the side of his neck and the hand laying against his chest. Freed? Slowly, painstakingly slowly he tilted his head towards the sensation, barely aware of the frantic protests that met his movement, unable to comprehend why they would want to stop him from seeing the Rune Mage.
A moment later he understood why…
Pain greater than the sickening fire that had stolen him away into the darkness in the first place engulfing him. Freed…The Rune mage was curled against him, pressed against him as they had once slept together most nights, only there was no pretending that Freed was merely asleep this time. He knew, even before he struggled to raise a shaking hand to brush his fingers against a pale cheek that Freed was gone. He had always known that he would know the moment that the Rune mage was gone, but he had prayed that he would never have to experience that pain. That loss. Freed, he trembled as he traced a pale cheek, taking in the dark shadows underneath his partner’s eyes, the evidence of pain that remained even in death and the tear tracks that were still drying on his cheeks. It was the latter that broke him, a sob welling up as he realised that meant Freed had been alive only moments ago.
That first sob had broken his barriers, and he forgot all about his audience, weakly rolling onto his side so that he could pull Freed into a tight hug. A low whimper escaping as he burrowed his face into long green hair, desperately trying to lose himself in Freed’s scent, to pretend for a moment longer that this wasn’t happening. It wasn’t an illusion he could maintain, because he knew without a doubt that if the Rune mage had still been there, then slender arms would have curled around his back as Freed melted into his hold, and the whimper became a howl as he clung desperately to the younger man.
Freed…
**
Bickslow and Evergreen shared helpless looks as they watched the Dragon-slayer falling apart completely, curled around Freed’s body and clinging to it as though it was the only thing keeping him anchored, their own tears still falling. They had been standing frozen, aware that Freed had slipped away, the pain of that loss slamming into them even as they braced themselves for another loss. But instead, they had been stunned to see the purple runes around Laxus’s heart flaring to life a moment before the Lightning mage had stirred, and it was only when his eyes had slowly inched open that it had dawned on them that at the last moment, Freed’s desperate plea…his need to save the Dragon-slayer had been granted, and their tears intensified as they realised that the Rune mage had died believing that he had failed and that he might never know that he had saved the man he had been willing to die for.
“Go and get the Master…” Bickslow whispered as he finally found his voice, realising that the others needed to know what had happened, as everyone had agreed to let the Raijinshuu have this moment to themselves. Besides he had a feeling that Makarov might be the only one able to get through to the grieving Dragon-slayer, as he watching Laxus’s shoulders heaving under the force of his sobs, the blond pressing his nose deep into the crook of Freed’s neck.
“But…”
“Please,” he pleaded, understanding that she didn’t want to leave either, but one of them needed to go and he couldn’t. She must’ve have caught the odd note in his voice, because with a reluctant nod and a last lingering glance at the bed she had turned and left without another word. The Seith mage shifted his gaze back to the pair on the bed as he heard the door closing, his hands curling into fists at his sides as he found himself staring at Freed’s still features, failure pressing in on him. He had never mentioned it to either Freed or Evergreen, but back when Laxus had first been exiled the Lightning mage had pulled him aside. Making him promise to watch over the Rune mage and to stop him from doing anything too reckless. He had failed on both counts, and while he knew that the promise had only been meant for while Laxus was away, he had never forgotten it. But he hadn’t been able to stop Freed from a sacrificing himself for the Dragon-slayer, unable to do anything but watch over him and carry him to Laxus’s side once his strength had failed.
I’m sorry…
**
Laxus had no idea how long he had lain there clinging to the Rune mage, sobs wracking his body, his heart tearing itself to pieces in his chest. It was a pain unlike any he had ever felt before. It was a pain that he had never wanted to feel and never wanted to feel again. Freed… His tears had slowed, his eyes sore and red, but still he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from Freed’s body. Pulling away would signify some form of acceptance, and he wasn’t ready for that. He wasn't prepared to face any of this. What happened? He could clearly remember throwing himself in the way to protect Freed, hearing the younger man shouting…screaming for him before he slipped into the darkness, and the lingering ache in his body was enough to tell him that wasn’t a lie, so what had happened? He had taken that spell, accepting the fact that he didn’t know what it would do. Accepting the fact that he might die, and he hadn’t hesitated, because it was for Freed. It was to make sure Freed was safe and alive. So what had gone wrong? Why had he woken up only to find that he had lost his mate anyway?
Freed, what did you do?
“Laxus,” he tensed at the soft voice, growling softly as he felt a hand on his shoulder, gently trying to tug him over and away from Freed and he shook his head frantically. I can’t let go. I can’t let him go. There was a sigh from somewhere behind him, and then gentle fingers were running through his hair, and Laxus felt sick. He knew that the gesture was supposed to be soothing…comforting…but it was something that Freed had done on the nights he had woken them both with nightmares, and he shuddered as he was hit anew by his loss, realising that it was different fingers currently moving through his hair.
“Don’t…”
“Laxus, please look at me,” the soft voice pleaded, and there was something in it that was impossible to obey. Slowly, still clinging to Freed as though terrified that by loosening his hold, someone would be able to snatch him away completely Laxus rolled onto his back, blinking away lingering tears and his breath caught as he found himself looking up into his Grandfather’s eyes. The old man had an odd expression on his face, as though torn between relief and joy, and grief as his gaze drifted for a moment to the Rune mage in Laxus’ arms. “Laxus I’m so…”
“What happened?” Laxus cut across him, not ready to hear apologies or condolences from anyone, his voice hoarse from just waking up and crying, fresh tears trickling as he pressed his lips into soft, green hair once more. “How did this happen?” Why am I still here and he isn’t? Why am I alive?
“Laxus…”
“Tell me,” he wouldn’t be moved on this. Was he ready to hear the answer to his question? Probably not, but he needed to hear it. For Freed’s sake at least, he needed to hear it, even if the answer was just going to tear fresh wounds in his heart. “Please…”
“Do you remember what happened?” Makarov asked softly, realising that Laxus wasn’t going to let the matter drop anytime soon, although he shared a worried glance with the rest of the Raijinshuu as he spoke, well aware that finding out what the Rune mage had done might be enough to push his Grandson off the narrow ledge he was currently treading. Laxus’s expression tightened for a moment before he gave a terse nod.
“I remember leaping in the path of the spell heading towards him…”
“It was a curse that burned its way through your body, it would’ve killed you there and then but Freed intervened, casting a rune cage around your heart to keep it out,” Makarov explained softly, blinking back tears as he glanced at the Rune Mage.
He was the one that had extracted a promise from the younger man years ago that he would do everything he could to protect Laxus, a promise that he had never rescinded even when Laxus had become a proper part of the guild and exceeded nearly everyone in terms of his magic. A promise that he regretted asking for, wondering if he hadn’t asked for such a promise whether Freed would have gone to such lengths. Of course, he would - he corrected himself with a sigh, well aware of just how close the pair had become. “What…” He hesitated for a moment, wishing that there was some way to soften the blow, but Laxus was staring at him, demanding that he continued and he couldn’t deny him. “What he hadn’t told us, was that in order to make the runes strong enough he had tied himself into it.”
“What do you mean?”
“His magic. His life was what was fuelling the cage,” Makarov paused for a moment at the fury that had appeared in blue eyes, unsurprised when there was a faint crackle of magic in the air, and he knew that if Laxus hadn’t been weakened by the curse, both they and the infirmary would’ve been one hell of a mess. He waited patiently, with a pained expression as the Dragon-slayer slowly curbed his temper, although the sorrow that followed was just as painful to witness. “By the time we realised what was happening and demanded that he release the cage…” This time he had to pause for his own sake. He had asked Freed to give up, to abandon Laxus. He hadn’t given up, but he hadn’t wanted to sacrifice one for the other, and he glanced nervously at his Grandson, somehow unsurprised by the fact the young mage didn’t look upset at his decision. Although that might be because there were far worse things to be upset over. “It was too late. The curse had seeped through his link to the runes, and was spreading through his body as well.”
“No…” Laxus shook his head, remembering the sickening pain that had sent him spiralling into unconsciousness back then, his vision blurring with fresh tears as he glanced down at Freed’s face. The lines of pain making sense now, and he raised trembling fingers to trace them. “He wouldn’t…” Yes, he would… He had thrown himself into the path of the spell, willing to do whatever it took to keep Freed safe and he knew that the younger man was …had just as protective…it didn’t make it any easier to bear.
“We searched for a cure…” Laxus forced himself to focus on Makarov, although right now he wasn’t sure he could handle hearing anything else, part of him wanting to growl at him to get out. To growl at Evergreen and Bickslow who he could hear in the background, although he couldn’t bring himself to look at them. He couldn’t handle his own grief, let alone theirs at the moment, even though he could hear Freed in the back of his mind urging him to reach out to them. To look out for them. I can’t, he blinked back tears, although he lost the battle again at the next words. “And he held on as long as he possibly could, but…”
“It wasn’t enough…” Laxus finished for him, shuddering as he got a small nod of agreement. Freed, his arms tightened around the Rune mage, and he couldn’t look away. Why? Why would you go this far? He knew how strong Freed was, how stubborn. He knew how hard he must’ve fought, and it was tearing him apart, and his voice was completely broken as he forced himself to ask. “Why did I survive?”
“I…I don’t know,” Makarov admitted quietly, his own tears beginning to fall in the face of the Dragon-slayer’s grief because this was something that he couldn’t protect him from. Freed, did you realise just how much you meant to him?
“Gramps….”
“Because he wanted to save you,” Bickslow finally spoke up, stepping up to the end of the bed, looking and sounding more serious than Laxus had ever heard him. “Even at the end that was all he cared about. He…” He paused, swallowing hard as he glanced at Freed, and it was only Evergreen moving across to rest her hand on his shoulder that let him finish. “He gave the last of his magic to you. The cage must’ve been working and that last boost…”
“He saved you,” Evergreen added softly, sniffling as she swiped ineffectively at her own tears. “He loved you that much Laxus…” The Raijinshuu had been a family, and they had watched as Freed and Laxus danced around each other, watched their tentative first steps and the pain they had felt at being separated during the blond’s exile, and the joy when they were reunited and the slow, irrevocable growth of their relationship since then. There had never been any doubt about how they felt about one another, but now she realised they had never truly understood the depths of those feelings or that kind of loyalty.
Laxus couldn’t bear it anymore. He didn’t need to be told how much Freed had loved him, he had always known. It had been there in everything they had done, from the tiniest gesture to fighting side by side…to this sacrifice. A shudder wracked him, and what little control had held him together while listening to their explanations shattered. For once he didn’t care that he had an audience, that his feelings were out in the open for everyone to see as he rolled over, burying his face against Freed once more, another howl forcing its way free before he broke down in body-shaking sobs again.
Freed, you idiot…I never wanted you to go this far to protect me…to save me. You idiot…You bloody idiot…I love you…
****
Two months later:
Laxus’s steps were slow as he followed the meandering path up the hillside that overlooked Magnolia, a track that he had walked so often in the past couple of months that he could probably negotiate it in the dark.
It had been a long two months…
It had taken him weeks to recover enough strength to move on his own, and he had been forced to rely on Bickslow and Evergreen to get everywhere, not that either of them had voiced a word of complaint even when he had insisted on coming out here every day. Slowly his strength and magic had returned. His heart, on the other hand, was still a poorly bandaged mess. He could barely even remember the day of Freed’s funeral, the only thing he could remember with any clarity was how he had argued for the Rune mage to be laid to rest out here on the hill rather than in the Cathedral. It had been their spot, and he had wanted to honour that. But the funeral itself was a blur of stormy weather brought on by his emotions, and words that he hadn’t been ready to hear. That he still wasn’t ready to hear…
He found himself hesitating for a moment before making the last few steps up to where Freed’s grave lay, a by now familiar ache filling his chest as his eyes fell on it, his eyes stinging as he forced himself to move forward and put a gentle hand on top of it. It wasn’t enough - a simple marker, bearing the guild mark and three simple words.
Lover. Captain. Friend.
None of them had known what else to say. None of them had been ready to say goodbye to him, and for Laxus, the feelings that summed up his relationship with the Rune mage were too strong, too private to be shared with others even in carved words. Still, he couldn’t help but wish there was something more, tears escaping down his cheeks as he leant down and pressed his lips to the stone, before carefully sinking down against it.
“Hey…” He greeted softly, gazing out over Magnolia, his gaze lingering on the guild for a moment before letting his eyes drift shut. When he sat up here like this, it was so easy to pretend that none of this had ever happened, that he was sat up here enjoying the peace and quiet, Freed nestled against him with his head buried in a book of some kind.
It had been up here that they had first confessed their feelings. It was where they had kissed for the first time. Where they had whispered about plans for a future that would no longer happen, his chest shook with a sob, and his eyes flew open, the illusion dissolving when there was no green-haired mage smiling up at him with soft eyes. Nothing but cold stone and three simple words that failed to sum up just who and what Freed had been. “I miss you…” So goddamn much…
He had rarely been alone over the last couple of months, someone had always been close by, most often the Raijinshuu or what remained of them, but he had caught Erza and Mira hovering as well, and he knew that they feared that he was going to do something stupid. To be honest, he had considered it. Had considered ending it so that he didn’t have to live with the knowledge that Freed had died for him so that he didn’t have to live knowing that the Rune mage wasn’t there beside him where he was meant to be. But he had long since realised that he couldn’t do that, that he couldn’t be that selfish…that he couldn’t throw away what Freed had done for him, what he had given him. It hadn’t made it any easier to accept though, and while he had been surrounded by people, he had felt lonelier than he ever had. Even when he had been exiled he’d had the knowledge that Freed was out there waiting for him, now he didn’t even have that.
Sniffling he scrubbed at his face, still surprised that he had tears left to shed. He had gone soft. Freed had made him soft, had made him human. Freed…Taking a shuddering breath he leant his head against the gravestone, imagining that he was leaning against a slender, swordsman with dancing turquoise eyes and green hair that always drawn his gaze, as he tried to summon up the courage to say the words he had come to say.
“Freed…” He began softly, closing his eyes as he recalled how that turquoise had always brightened when they spoke...when the Dragon-slayer let his barriers fall, biting his lip he took a deep breath before forcing himself to continue. “I’m leaving, and I’m honestly not sure when or if I’ll be back. But it hurts too much to stay here.” Everywhere he looked in Magnolia and in the guild he was assaulted by memories of happier times…dates, conversations, brawls…all of it wrapped with warmth and happiness that he had naively thought he would get to experience again and again, but now all it did was serve to emphasise the empty spot at his side, and he couldn’t bear it any longer. “I’m not strong enough for that.” He could imagine Freed scoffing at that, murmuring quietly in his ear that he was far stronger than he realised, even as the Rune mage wrapped himself around him to help shoulder some of the burdens.
Freed…
He pressed his cheek against the stone for a moment, before slowly climbing to his feet, his gaze lingering on the inscription once more. You were so much more, you will always be so much more… Freed had always been the one that was surprised at their relationship, surprised that Laxus could look at him and see him in that way, unable to believe his luck. But Laxus knew that he was the lucky one, and fresh tears ran down his cheeks, a sad smile tugging at his lips. “Wait for me Freed. I’m not going to throw away this life that you gave me, but one day I promise I will come back to you,” he whispered softly. Resting his hand briefly on top of the stone again, his fingers curling against it for a moment before he forced himself to turn away with a whispered goodbye and as he walked back towards the path he felt the breeze tugging at his hair, and for a brief second he could have sworn that he heard a soft voice replying.
I’ll be waiting…