Archive of Our Own ^beta

“ Find me somebody to...

Love…!”

Freddie’s voice rang through the studio as Brian quickly picked up the guitar solo, trying to keep time with just the piano and bass in the back.

“No- Stop, stop, stop.” The lead quickly stopped playing his piano and dramatically waved his hands. The other two men sighing softly.

“Bloody hell, where is that drummer?! He’s very late!… and that’s ME saying something!” Freddie exclaimed.

“He’s usually the first one here… Brian, has he talked to you?” The quiet bassist asked curiously, but the taller man just shook his head.

“No… We haven’t talked since practice yesterday. He said he was going to meet Dominique for a date or something. After that, I haven’t heard a peep from him.” Brian says, looking toward the door. Hoping the blonde would burst through energetically, but of course no such thing happened. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about his long time friend. Roger was normally never late and frequently bitched about Freddie’s lateness…

“Maybe he was in an accident, or car broke down? It’s pouring out there after all…” John says quietly, a hint of worry to his calm voice.

“Roger? Car breaking down? Ha! He would let himself break down before his beloved car!” Freddie laughs making the two men smile slightly, but Brian’s smile fading to a worried frown.

“But an accident… Do you really think…?” He asks quietly, looking back at the door.

“No. I just think he’s late, for whatever reason.” Freddie assures. “Rog doesn’t drive recklessly. He probably was going to leave and saw how it was raining. His phone line could have been knocked out by the storm so he can’t get ahold of us. Just relax, Bri…”

“...Yeah, you’re probably right…” Brian nods his head, giving a small smile before looking down at his guitar. Fingers mindlessly dancing along the chords.

“Either way, I think we can agree that we’re not getting anywhere in these songs without him here. As much as we all pick on and bitch at each other, we can’t deny that we each need the others…” John sighs, taking his bass off and setting it down gently.

“Let’s call it a night the-” Freddie began but stopped as the doors opened and revealed Roger walking in. Head down. Soaked down to the bone.

“Rog, Darlin’, there you are! You’re soaked!” Freddie exclaimed dramatically, strolling to the blonde quickly. John and Brian not far behind.

“Ye-yeah...so-sorry I’m late…” Roger’s voice is quiet and almost lifeless.

“Rog, what’s wrong? You must be cold…” John says before turning to search the studio for something to help dry the blonde off. Freddie noticed and joined the bassist in his search.

“...Roger, are you okay…?” Brian asked softly, putting his hand on the younger mans shoulder. Roger remained silent, but looked up to meet the guitarist hazel eyes. Brian was shocked to see the tears in his friends eyes.

“Rog… What is it? Talk to me…” Brian tried again, but this just made the tears flow down the blondes cheeks. Roger looked down quickly, shaking his head.

“Here, we found a towel…” John said as he jogged over, holding it to Roger. But the blonde made no move to take it, instead Brian took it.

“Rog, do you want to talk to us?” Freddie asked, worry coating his voice. Roger shook his head.

“...Do you want to talk to Brian?” John asked quietly. Roger stayed quiet for a moment before nodding softly.

“O-oh! Okay… Do you wanna go to the back of the studio? Outside?” Brian asked quickly.

“O-outside…” Roger said softly. The older man nodded before putting his hand on the blondes shoulder and started to lead him out. Looking back the the worried faces of their bandmates.

The rain was pouring down and it was dark already. The autumn air and wind making it even colder than it already was. Brian lead Roger to the side of the building, under a small part of shelter so they could sit and remain dry. And they did. They sat there for what felt like an hour in complete silence.

“...Rog, what’s wrong? You can talk to me… Is it something to do with Dominique?” Brian asked softly, the other just nodded.

“Did… did you two break up for something…?” He asked again, trying not to sound too pushy.

“Ye-yeah…” Roger’s voice broke slightly as he looked up to meet Brian’s eyes. For as long as he’s known Roger, he’s never seen him cry from a simple break up… Yeah, he’s been upset, but never like this. Dominique and him have been with each other for awhile, but…

“Why are you crying…? Do you miss her so much already?” Brian wondered. Roger shook his head.

“N-no...i-it...it’s more on how we broke up…” The blonde replies, averting his eyes and facing down again.

“How…? What happened, Rog? Bloody hell, you didn’t catch her cheating or something?” Brian asked, suddenly feeling anger flare inside him.

“N-No! No-nothing like that, Bri…” Roger instantly assures his friend. Brian calms himself after a moment, waiting for the drummer to tell him more.

“...Roger. Come on. Tell me what’s up.” He says a bit sternly.

“I-I… Brian… She broke up with be-because… u-um…” The blonde was struggling with his words, but seemed to calm as he felt Brian’s hand rest on his shoulder.

“Rog. Look at me.” The older man said gently. Roger kept looking down for a moment before casting his eyes to meet Brian’s.

“Tell me. Roger, I’ve been your best friend for-...Jeez. For how many years? I’m here for you.” He told the younger man. Those blue eyes searched Brian’s for any hint of doubt.

“I-....Brian… She broke up with me because….well…. I-...I’m gay…” He admits quietly.

“...I’m sorry. You’re...what?” Brian had to be sure he heard Roger correctly. He’s gay? There’s no way… For how long, both him and Roger have talked and thought about nothing but girls. And now he’s suddenly gay?

“I-...Dammit, Brian. You heard me…” Roger looks away angrily.

“I’m just… trying to figure out… how you’re gay, Rog… You’re more of a womanizer than I ever was.” Brian says slowly, trying not to sound too rude but still trying to understand.

“What the hell do you mean ‘ how’ ?!” Roger exclaims, anger flaring in his eyes.

“Rog. It’s just… again… You were into women before I was! It’s kind of hard to think you’re gay…” The older man repeats his earlier comment with a bit more detail.

“I-... I… only acted like that, Bri…” Roger confessed.

“....Acted….? Roger, why would you act like something you’re not? You could have told me…” Brian says softly. “Just cause you’re gay doesn’t make me think differently of you…”

“...You might…” Roger said sadly.

“What do you mean? Why would it change anything?” Brian couldn’t believe that Roger didn’t trust him enough to tell him before. His best friend for years…

“I-...it just would!” The blonde yells out slightly.

“...Rog…” The older tries to keep his voice soft to make the younger calm down. “Why did you act… Why didn’t you trust me…”

“Be-because… I was sacred you would hate me after you found out… an-and….” And I acted that way so you wouldn’t find out I loved you. He thought silently.

“Roger, I could never hate you! We’re like brothers!” Brian quickly said and it took everything for Roger to not cry out at the breaking of his heart from that comment.

“...brothers...huh?” Roger said softly. The rain almost drowning out the weak sound in his voice, but Brian noticed the change in Roger. Almost like the air around him turned darker.

“Rog…? How do you know you’re gay…? There must be… someone … you like…?” Brian asks carefully, slowly piecing everything together in his own head, but needing to hear the younger man say it.

“Brian… I… I don’t want to talk about this anymore…” The drummer quickly said while starting to stand, but Brian shot his hand up and grabbed his wrist.

“Rog… tell me.” He said sternly, gently tugging him back down. Looking over the blonde. Waiting.

“...Bri...I...I don’t want you to-”

“I won’t hate you, Rog. I told you. I could never hate you.” Brian cuts the younger man off quickly. Their eyes meeting and locking. Brian refusing to look away, wanting to look him in the eyes.

“Tell me.” He says softly. “Tell me, for how long have you liked me, Rog?” Rogers blue eyes widen slightly, but unable to break the eye contact between them.

“I-I-I…” He stutters, unable to form any words while his mind races.

“...It’s okay, Rog… I mean… I’m not going to lie to you… I-... I don’t exactly swing that way… But I support you fully…” Brian tries to sound as nice as possible. Not sure if outright telling Roger that they weren’t going to happen was a good idea at the moment, but… He wanted to be truthful and not give his friend false hope. But he could feel his heart clench as tears flowed down the blondes face.

“Rog-”

“N-no, Bri… I understand…” Roger forces a smile. “I knew we would never…” His voice cracks and he shakes his head. “I knew we would never be together… But… I’m glad I have your support…” He finishes before standing back up.

“I-... You… will always have my full support, Roger…” Brian says, not wanting to push this any further. “I’m here for you, Rog… Anytime you want to talk…” He stands up, putting his hand on the others shoulder once more.

“...Ye-yeah. Thanks, Bri…” Roger smiles painfully up at his long time friend …

“Of course… The rain has let up. Freddie is probably just gonna call it a night.” Brian said, searching the pain written on Roger’s face. Guilt pulling at his heart.

“Probably… I can give you a lift home?” Roger asks, but Brian can’t help but feel like that’s not the best idea at the moment.

“I promised John that I would head with him. He needed some help… on this song of his…” He felt bad lying, but he didn’t want to push Roger.

“O-oh. Yeah, he does have a new idea doesn’t he…?” Roger asks while laughing softly, trying to hide the disappointment before walking past Brian with his head down.

It had been about a week since Roger came out to Brian and the guitarist has noticed the blonde… avoiding him at almost all costs… Only talking to the older man when it was band related and they were around the other two. Brian couldn’t understand why Roger was acting like this… acting … He acted straight to hide the fact he was gay from Brian… So why now was he acting and being so distant…

“Oy! Earth to Brian!” All of a sudden Freddie snapped his fingers in front of Brian’s face, causing him to flinch back.

“You’ve been staring at Roger for the past 5 minutes!” Freddie declared making his eyes slightly widen before looking at Roger who was looking over at his cymbal to his right. Brian could see a slight blush to his cheeks.

“I-...sorry.” He said quickly. Shaking his head and looking back at Freddie, managing a smile. Freddie didn’t seem to buy that shitty smile for a second.

“Ever since you two talked last week you’ve both been acting weird!” He snaps, obviously not pleased by two of his bandmates not focusing on the work. Both Brian and Roger remained silent making Freddie sigh out.

“Jesus, you two! Kiss and make up or something!” He yells out before walking to the back room angrily. John looked between Brian and Roger before slowly following Freddie, leaving the two alone in awkward silence.

“...Rog.” Brian sighs out, slowly walking over to the tense man behind the drums. “Why… Why are you ignoring me.”

“I-...I’m not…” Roger says softly, looking super interested in his drum sticks.

“You are. You’re doing it right now.” The older says.

“Am not… I’m talking to you, aren’t I…?” The blonde says, rolling the sticks in his hands.

“Barely. You’re not even looking at me!” Brian exclaims. Roger remains silent before slowly looking up at Brian’s hazel eyes.

“There. I looked at you. Happy?” Roger huffs before standing from his stool and moving around his drum to walk away. Brian grabbed his wrist before he could get far.

“Rog, stop being such a bloody bitch! Talk to me!” Brian yells, his anger boiling.

“Excuse me?!” The blonde yelled while yanking his wrist away. “Why should I talk to you ?!” He yells.

“Because I'm your Best Friend !!” Brian yells right back.

“Yeah! That's the problem, Brian!! I-...I can't.. I just can't come to terms with all this yet! Even though I've always known we would never be together, it still hurts!!” He tries to blink the tears from his blue eyes. “I just… need some time, Brian… It's hard seeing you everyday… knowing you know….knowing you'll never feel the same… it's hard to try and change my feelings when you're always so bloody nice to me… always there for me…”

“Rog… I-....I'm sorry… I didn't think about it like that…” Brian's anger instantly disperses as it all sinks in. Of course Roger would want to distance himself… You can't just fall out of love with someone… but… the thought of Roger not loving him… somehow made Brian feel very uneasy. He hated the idea of it… but why…? He didn't think of the blonde that way… did he..? Looking down at Roger, he couldn't deny that the young man was very attractive. He'd always been the Pretty Boy. All the girls loved him and many guys copied his style… And Roger’s personality was very inviting too. He understood why so many women flung themselves at him…

“.... I know you only mean good, Brian…. I know…. But…. I can't move on like this…” The blonde admits in a soft voice. “I've loved you for years. It's not going to be easy for the feelings to just… poof , go away…”

“....what if… what if I don't want them to go away…?” Brian asks softly. Earning a confused look from Roger.

“Bri, what are you talking ab-!” before Roger could finish, he was cut off by the taller man leaning down and kissing him. His blue eyes widening while Brian's hazel eyes closed. They stood there for a few moments, lips connected, before Brian pulled away to look at the younger man.

“Br-Bri… th-this isn't funny…” Roger says softly, eyes still wide as he tries to connect the dots on what the actual fuck just happened.

“It wasn't meant to be funny, Rog. I wanted to kiss you.” Brian says simply like it wasn't a big deal.

“But why? You told me…” His blue eyes look away as he remembers how nice Brian tried to be while rejecting his feelings.

“Yes. That was a week ago, when it was sprung up on me… But… for some reason, I hate the thought of you trying to stop loving me… And then I started to think of what it would feel like to kiss you.” Brian admitted, looking away as he realized how selfish he sounded.

“....well…?” The blonde asked after a moment of silence.

“....’well’ what?” Brian asked looking back at Roger.

“....what did it feel like…? The kiss, I mean…” Roger asks slowly, trying not to look away. Brian thought for a minute before answering.

“I didn't hate it… Honestly, I think it's something I could get use to… We could always try again, just to be sure…?” The taller man slowly says. Roger shifts slightly as he thinks.

“....yeah… we could try….” He agrees, Brian nodding. Both of them standing there awkwardly before Brian finally took the first step, leaning down. Roger slowly followed and leaned up making their noses brush together. They stared at each other, almost as a last minute chance for either to back away before Brian closed his eyes and had their lips meet. Roger tensed slightly before relaxing, closing his eyes, and kissing the older man back. Their lips moved together awkwardly before they found a nice, slow rhythm. After a minute of testing, Brian pulled away just enough to look down at Roger who slowly opened his eyes.

“....Well…?” Roger asked again. Brian was quiet before he slowly leaned back down, recapturing the blondes lips. Hands slowly resting on the smaller hips. It took Roger a moment to recover from shock, but soon his arms found their way around Brian’s neck, pulling the taller man down more. Slowly, they both pulled away.

“...I thought you weren't gay…” Roger says first, making Brian smile.

“I…. I'm not, Rog… I think it's just you.” Brian confesses, making the younger man blush.

“Really…?” He asks and Brian nods.

“Yeah… I think… I think this could work… If you want to try…” Brian says.

“Try…? Like…”

“Like, will you be my boyfriend, Rog?” The older asks. Roger couldn't form words. He had dreamed of this…

“I-I… Ye-yeah! I would love to!” He finally manages to force out, unable to keep a giant smile from spreading on his lips. Brian gives a cheeky smile before leaning down and kissing the blonde again. Arms completely wrapping around his waist this time while Roger’s hands tangled into Brians curly hair.

“Have you two drama queens made u-...up...yet…” The two quickly pulled away from each other, but it was too late. Freddie was already standing in plain view, mouth agape, and sun glasses falling from him hands. John behind with a very similar expression.

“I-...er… Well… Yeah, we… made up.” Brian tries to sound casual.

“Made up?! You two were bloody making out! When I said kiss and make up, I didn’t actually think you would!” Freddie laughs, John looking like he was still trying to process the scene he just witnessed. Roger blushes slightly.

“Oh! Bugger off, Fred!” He yells, but Freddie pays his attitude no mind.

“I didn’t think either of you were gay! Or with each other~!” He winks.

“We’re not… well.. I’m not gay… it’s… just something about Roger…” Brian smiles down at the blonde. “And we just got together.”

“So sweet, my little dears! I think I may have a cavity, Roger~!” Freddie exclaims, making all of them roll their eyes.

“Well… In any case. You both have full support from us, you know that?” John says calmly, finally able to piece everything together in his head.

“Yeah…” Roger says, nodding his head with a smile. “We know…”

“Well good. Now. Can we get this bloody song on the road?!” Freddie yells with a teasing smile.

“Yea, Freds. Let us get our equipment.” Brian says, flashing a grin at Roger as he walks past to get back behind his drums.

“Ugh. Not even 5 minutes in their relationship and they’re already eye fucking each other.” Freddie teases again, earning a small glare from Brian.

“Calm down, darlin’. Now. Let’s rock!”