Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

   One second there was blood. Lots and lots of blood. One second she was in the dark, crouched on her belly, paws pulled close to her as she struggled to stay calm. Her chest fur was wet with something dark, and Ivypool was mewing insistently for her to remain awake, to keep her eyes open, and as much as the she-cat wanted to, she found the darkness wrapping around her, falling heavily upon her head until she submitted to it.

   The cries and sound of battle faded into a buzzing silence. One second, there was warm, warm blood. The next, there was a cold but welcome tingling sensation all throughout her body, coming to a pinpoint where the claw slash from Hawkfrost was. She looked down. Or, where it used to be, she thought in a numb sort of humor.

Hawkfrost.

   Her eyes snapped open wide and she stumbled to her paws. It took a few embarrassing tries, but once she did her breath was taken away. She was in the most beautiful place. Paws thundered down a sunlit slope. Apprentices,she noted. Rolling hills of waving grass, thick undergrowth, and looming sycamore and oak trees. The leaves of such trees rustled softly in the breeze, whispering stories of the dead and long forgotten. Some cats play-fought in the cooled shadow of the forest, others basked in the sun in the center of the field, sharing tongues and gossiping about things only the wind could whisk away.

   StarClan. A place that she had always wanted to see, but now that she was here, without her brothers or friends? She heaved a sigh. Her tail curled in, and she set her claws into the grass in determination. How she must have looked so strange compared to the other cats. She longed to join them, she really did, but the reminder of Ivypool screaming her name, Hawkfrost's cold eyes widening in surprise as his claws tore open her throat in a jagged line, made her shiver, and she turned away.

   Before she could rest she had to do something. She owed something to a few certain someones.No, she had a mission. She had to tell Firestar, or one of the other StarClan cats. Then she could sleep knowing those someoneswere safe. She was coming. StarClan keep her kits safe.

...

One sunrise later

   Firestar blinked. A black-furred shape was sprinting towards him, presumably as fast as they could go. Which, considering, wasn't very fast at all, but he could see the clear anxiety radiating off of th-her? He took a reluctant step forward. Was that…..Hollyleaf? Her face was starting to become clearer as she thundered closer, and before he could even register the searing flash of pain of her death, she was skidding to a badly planned stop a few tail-lengths away.

   The fire-colored tom was correct after all, it seemed. Before stood his long furred grandkit, and he smiled kindly at her panicked expression. Coming to StarClan was certainly warrant for it. But as she regained her breath and opened her mouth, he had a sinking feeling it was something more than that. "Firestar" she started, "I-I need to check on someone. A few someones. Is that-Can I do that? How long has it been since the Great Battle?"

   The former ThunderClan leader's ears rotated to face her. It's not like it was a strange request, not at all, but did she truly not know how long she'd been here in StarClan? He stretched quickly, clawing at the ground before standing tall. He layed his tail across her flank, as he meowed "Don't get your whiskers in a tangle, kin. I can allow you access. We must go fast, however. The longer you stay in their world the more pain it brings you"

Hollyleaf's ears flattened. "Physically or mentally?," she asked in a tone he thought may have tried to be calm but betrayed a twinge of uncertainty. 

His forest-green eyes flitted over to hers, searching. "Both"

...

..

.

Chapter Text

"Kits" A warm voice whispered.

 Swiftkit raised her head, eyes wide and searching. Mother? she questioned. She had thought-she had assumed that when mother had said "Goodbye", that that had meant she'd never return. Why would she be back now? Was her voice just the steady rhythm of the dripping water from above? The whisper of her sisters' fur on the rocky floor?

"Kits" Now Swiftkit was staggering to her paws. Had mother gone back on her promise that she'd never leave them, why would she return? While she wouldn't complain, she had already said her goodbye. Would she have to say good-bye again? her tail tip twitched sadly at the thought, sweeping across one of her sister's noses. She didn't want to do that. Last time had scared her, and she didn't want to be scared like that again.

The kit who's nose she had brushed up against, Robinkit, blinked open her eyes with a look akin to annoyance, and looked about to hiss before startling slightly at the voice as it began to sound panicked: "Kits?" The two exchanged glances and quickly defaulted to head-butting the last and eldest kit awake.

As she stood, she immediately took to standing in front of them in a defensive stance...which wasn't as effective as she might've hoped. Swiftkit was the runt of the litter, so she couldn't exactly mock her sister for the attempt; it would have to do for now.

The oldest drew herself up and puffed up her fur, tail barricading the smallest, Swiftkit, while the middle kit brashly poked her head out from behind. Father had told her to take care of the oldest two younger littermates. But as she caught a breeze from the Outside, she had a sudden realization that Brightkit may not have to. Clearing her throat, Swiftkit, the brown-and white and youngest kit, called softly "Hollyleaf?" The oldest kit, Brightkit, cringed.

Pawsteps echoed off the walls of the tunnels, and as all three kits bristled a familiar dark figure rounded the corner. Well. Swiftkit had thought she remembered her mother's fur to be dark. It always had been, in the past. But as she craned her neck to peer curiously at her, black fluff outlined in a intimidatingly bright color. Silver? Her green eyes were gleaming with pride and relief, and Swiftkit couldn't help but think with a smoldering feeling deep in her chest that she had the most beautiful and kind mother than every other cat. Just as she prepared to crawl through Brightkit's paws, Robinkit threw herself forward with a anguished cry to bury her face in her mother's fur.

Brightkit was too shocked to move, but Swiftkit bumped her head into her shoulder to snap her out of it. As soon as she did Brightkit whimpered and ran to Holly Leaf, her youngest sister following in her pawsteps. When she collided with mother her first instinct was to jerk away, as her shining fur as freezing as bareleaf chills.

But it was still her, still her. If she closed her eyes, a vibrant scarlet still presented itself under her eyelids, and if she inhaled deeply enough she could pick up the faintest traces of what the warrior used to smell like.

Grass.

Lily flowers.

Fresh rain.

And yet it wasn't her.

She was here but not. How in the Tribe's name did that work? She drew back from the she-cat's fur and squinted way, way up. She was met with a winning smile, and a soft purr. "Why are you back, Mother? You said-" She started, only to have Robinkit shoot her an irritated glare at breaking the soft moment.

"You're going to chase her off, stupid" Robinkit growled under her breath disapprovingly. 

Mother gave a not-very-grown-up laugh, and with a mischievous look, she mewed, "That's not very nice, Robinkit. I thought you were supposed to be practicing kind words? And Swiftling, I came back for a few heartbeats to check on you and your sisters, to make sure you three didn't burn any forests " Swiftkit's eyes darkened into a half-hearted scowl at the mention of the dreaded nickname that her mother and father had found so humorous.

But on the inside she was struggling to shove down the warm feeling of belonging. She knew it would only hurt more when Mother left if she let it blossom, knew that she ought to shut down right now before she let herself get hurt again. Mother didn't belong here; Swiftkit knew that much. If she was silver, she really was gone, and she was supposed to be with her fellow warriors in the sky. She knew because Father had told her that himself before he left too. Shattering her thoughts Mother's head flew up, and her eyes scanned the twisting tunnels in the general direction of ThunderClan territory. After a moment of blinking and twitching ears, she turned back to nudge Robinkit away and towards Swiftkit and Brightkit who gave the black she-cat twin looks of disappointment and brief panic.

"You stay safe, okay? All three of you?" She rasped, the words seeming to be hard to get out,"Brightkit, you'll make sure you take care of them?" Brightkit swallowed, ears flattening, before nodding determinedly. Swiftkit didn't doubt her oldest sister's ability to protect; she was normally the comedic relief, but if any animal messed with Swiftkit or Robinkit they were gonna lose their tail.

The brown she-kit trusted her sister with her life.

Mother nodded, looking torn between leaving and staying. After a moment of bouncing from paw to paw she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, exhaled, and opened them with a calm expression that was clearly a mask over her features. "I'm going to leave now, okay?" she started "Firestar is calling for me. Be good, and make sensible choices. I'm looking at you, Robinkit. Yes, you. Stay together." The previously black-furred warrior laughed one more time, but in a sad way, before letting her eyes close. Swiftkit felt herself freeze. Mother's gleaming fur was fading, flickering sharply, as dark tendrils wrapped around her, creeping towards her heart and enveloping the rest of her until it reached a pinpoint on her neck that caused it to splinter and send shards of silver flying in all directions.

It was suddenly dangerously dark. Swiftkit shrunk back, startled as silver specks of moonlight floated across the space. 

One moment Mother was there, and they were nearly a family again. Fox-dung, she knew she shouldn't have let down her guard. She had told herself so. That didn't make it any easier, evidently.

The silver had long faded, but now the kit's eyes had readjusted to the surrounding area. A shuddering breath came from behind her, and she turned her head to meet the gaze of Brightkit, whose ice blue eyes hardened as she used her ginger-and-white head to nudge both younger kits in the direction of a cove hidden in a corner of one of the tunnels, so they could lay as three in the dirt.

Robinkit was the first to flop down, splaying out right as Swiftkit and then Brightkit with a grunt, the oldest of who immediately began to clean the other kit's fur out of habit. Swiftkit felt like telling her to buzz off, that she could clean herself thank you very not much, but they had just lost their mother all over again, and so instead she snuggled tighter to her littermates before submitting to a restless sleep. 'I love you'

Chapter Text

(takes place during and after the Great Battle)

////

 Lionblaze's head snapped up at the sound of the screech. Normally he wouldn't react as such given he was in the middle of battle, but the tone sounded way too familiar to ignore.
 
Hollyleaf

That was the only answer. 

   Clawing his opponent one more time over her eyes, he pushed off her flank with a snarl; twisting to sprint in the direction of the voice of his sister. The dark forest she-cat he had been locked in a fight with stood looking bloody and aghast at the sudden loss of her attacker. 

   Could’ve been funny, if not for the circumstance. 

    It...wasn't very easy trying to find Hollyleaf, if he was being entirely honest. 

    Cats were hissing and rolling all around him as he ran, one fight was even seemingly happening in the trees above him; if he glanced up he could see two silhouettes leaping from branches of one tree to another before throwing themselves at each other in an attempt to overbalance the other. 

   A gray tabby howled and sunk his teeth into a small calico and proceeded to chuck them through the air into a ditch. 

   In the longest ten seconds of his life Lionblaze rolled his shoulders in a shrug and launched himself through the battles; didn't stop for anyone no matter how hard he wanted to and didn't stop when a tangled root caught his paw and thorny bushes stabbed at his pelt.

All that mattered was getting to Hollyleaf.

  Colors whirled past him as he ran, ducking under fallen trees and jumping over a particularly mean-looking stream until he came across a certain bloody body.

  The second his brain registered the color of it he slammed on the brakes, ears flattening as he turned in growing panic.
 
It couldn't be right.

“Lionblaze!”

The golden tabby jerked his gaze over to a distraught Ivypool, eyes searching before his gaze flitted to the body lying in the grass.

It was definitely black.

“LIONBLAZE!!” 

  It was Brambleclaw, calling him out of his stupor in the second allowed to him before a familiar tabby lashed out with his claws and tore out a patch of fur on his adopted father's chest.

  Everything after that was relatively a blur-he remembered flashes of him and Ivypool helping Brambleclaw kill Hawkfrost for the final time, gathering around Hollyleaf's still body, and watching her spirit walk away like it was nothing.

   It was all like a bad dream, at first. When he had fallen into the grass next to her and laid his muzzle deep into her fur and had been met with cold. Her eyes really were empty. She really was still. It was not poetic as some cats might describe it; it was messy and the hurt it caused ran deep. He had not believed her to be gone; it just literally could not be possible. They had just gotten her back. 

He had gotten into the mindset he'd never, ever see her again. 

But seeing her starry figure pad away from her blood-soaked one warmed his heart in a sad, bittersweet way. 

She wasn't gone; not really.

That night he sat in silence with his family.

She wasn't really gone.

And in the words of Squirrelflight's messy tribute, “everything will be okay”
----

 Fucking star-cats.

He didn't really feel in the mood to see them right now.

  When Jayfeather opened his eyes, he was met by a sight other than darkness for the first time in a long time. Which would've been pretty chill he supposed, had it not been for his sister's recent death. 

It was...devastating, the timing of it. 

   And so the gray tabby tom stood, glared at the approaching figures, and lay down curled in a ball facing the opposite direction; Hopefully, they’d get the picture and leave him alone, but he doubted it.

They hardly ever valued personal space; why would they now?

  As a tentative paw pressed into the soft grass next to the curve of his spine, followed by the other, Jayfeather’s fur bristled. Could they seriously not take a hint? Leave him alone! He whirled around to snap just that at them before falling short at the sight of the figures themselves. 

  They were not the star-cats that usually appeared to him. It was not Yellowfang or Spottedleaf or StarClan forbid it wasn’t Hollyleaf. 

Instead, the first face whose white, empty eyes met his were familiar in a different manner. 

  The tom closest to him had a ginger-and-white pelt, sleek fur, and a kind smile. 

“Fallen Leaves?”

The shining tom nodded; his ears laying back. It had been a long while. 

“Hello, friend! I’m glad to see you.” he purred brightly. “Though I hope we can catch up at some point, that’s...not quite why I’m here, I’m sure you know”

  Jayfeather snorted. “Yeah, I would hope you know better than to waste my time. On the other paw, I have really no clue why you of all cats would be here when-” he gestured with his tail at Fallen Leaves; which the ancient tom thankfully understood. 

  “-When I’m as old as I am? I suppose if we go with that logic that would also apply to you, Jay’s Wing” and before Jayfeather could interject he continued with “but I understand. As to why I’m here...I suppose the subject would need to be shown instead of told”

   The ThunderClan medicine cat recoiled slightly, back arching. “What do you mean shown-” and that was all he could get out before Fallen Leaves laughed and darted into the shadows that were creeping through the grass towards them.

 Jayfeather hissed as the blackness began to slither up his paws, knowing what it meant. “Goddamni-”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
--And he was awake.

 Gasping as quietly as he could, he turned around on an axis to reconfigure himself. He was still in the medicine cats’ den, but he was awake. Why had Fallen Leaves wanted him to wake up? Jayfeather growled lowly. Nothing could ever be straightforward enough, could it. 

The gray tabby sighed and padded out of the den; making sure to maneuver around still-injured cats and the presumed sleeping form of Leafpool while he made his way towards the camp entrance. 

As he approached it he flicked an ear dismissively at whoever was standing guard and slipped out of camp; into the woods without as much as another word. There was a faint scent that was carrying him on his paws. It smelled like caves and cold stone. Fallen Leaves.

Jayfeather had admittedly put together a well-thought-out rant by the time he marched over the last small hill to reach the end of the trail, but his objective was loitering at the mouth of one of the tunnels and the angry rant fizzled out. He wouldn’t think that the tom would want to be back at the tunnels after the association with Hollyleaf, and yet here they both were. Which was...strange. 

          The gray tabby grunted, slightly curious but more irritated than anything as he picked up his pace to a trot down the slope of the hill down to where the entrance of the tunnels started just as rustling signified Fallen Leaves' descent into the dark. He wanted Jayfeather to follow him, didn’t he. 

Was it a stupid idea? Absolutely. 

Was he still doing it? No turning back now.

             He cautiously reached out with a paw, dabbing the loose soil to get a better grip on the situation, before just letting himself just half fall-half jump into the tunnel. 

             This, unfortunately, caused him to stumble, so when he lost balance and tumbled into the tunnel itself he cursed and laid there for a second. This was stupid. He had no idea how he kept getting himself into stupid situations like this. But he got to his paws, swaying a bit, before cautiously working into a slow trot. Following Fallen Leaves’ scent through a place that smelled just like him was proving to be harder than Jayfeather would’ve assumed. He had half a mind to angrily go back to camp, but his curiosity was currently winning.

 Fallen Leaves was such a lucky bastard that Jayfeather wanted to find out what was going on.
 
 “Hey, Jay’s Wing!” 
 
 Jayfeather jerked his head up in the direction of the whisper, whiskers twitching. He hadn’t walked very deep into the tunnels, he thought, but maybe he had zoned out. From what he could tell by the other tom’s scent, he was a little ways away. 
 
 “You’re a real huge thorn in the paw, you know that right?” the medicine cat hissed darkly as he padded to stand what he assumed was alongside Fallen Leaves. He ignored the snort of amusement that came from him and jabbed at his skinny side when he heard it.

“Hey! Move aside and quit ‘king hogging prey!” 

“I got to it first!” 

Jayfeather jolted.

Holy shit, those are kits!