Chapter Text
Kravitz rarely knew how Taako was going to act in any given circumstance. It was annoying when he first met Taako (because he was trying to kill him), but since they've been dating, Kravitz found it enchanting. There was never a dull moment when they were together. Kravitz had no idea what Taako was going to do in the presence of two powerful liches who he'd been told were the most evil and power-hungry beings in all of existence.
"So which one of you have been stalking me and my buddies?" Taako asked, never failing to surprise Kravitz. He wasn't expecting Taako to be so casual. Lup and Barry were floating, frozen in place. They clearly hadn't expected this reaction either.
After a moment of still silence, Lup slowly raised her arm and pointed to Barry. It took a few seconds for him to notice. He looked at her arm, then to Taako, then back to Lup. "Way to sell me out, babe!" He said.
"So, uh, quick question—" Taako started, but he was interrupted by Lup.
"Nuh-uh Taako, that's not how you play twenty questions. We get a turn now," Lup said, placing an arm on Barry's shoulder.
Taako shrugged. "Alright, sounds fair."
Lup hit Barry's chest. "Ask the dude a question, babe."
Barry sputtered for a moment before saying "Do you want a chair?" Lup turned her head to him, disappointed. "What? I couldn't think of anything."
"Yeah, I could use a seat," Taako said. "Some food too, probably, since I didn't get breakfast."
"I'll cook something up for you," Lup said, making her way to another room.
Barry motioned Taako and Kravitz over to a table. Taako and Kravitz sat down on one side, and Barry, being a lich who wasn't able to sit, hovered over to the other side of the table. The three of them waited in silence for Lup to return. Barry wasn't sure how to position himself, moving from standing, to attempting to make it look like he was sitting, to leaning on the table, and back to pretending to sit. Taako was occupying himself by taking inventory. He pulled various items out of his pockets, examining what he brought with him. When he found a saltshaker he put it on the table.
"Now serving customer 69," Lup said, finally bursting through the door. She carried a plate of breakfast hash and placed it in front of Taako. "Eat up, dude."
Taako put his salt on the food, watched it for a moment, then picked up a fork and took a bite. His eyes widened, then he shoveled more into his mouth.
Kravitz spoke up. "Perhaps we should establish some ground rules?" He said.
"This isn't truth or dare, Ghost Rider," Lup said.
Kravitz sighed. "No, but there are certain things that Taako can't hear. Like your name, or the Starblaster." Taako looked up from his food as a reaction to hearing the static, then went back to eating. "He tried to remember The Hanging Arcaneum and he ended up with a migraine."
Taako nodded. "Yeah, that sucked."
"Did it hurt when we said it just now?" Lup asked, worried.
Taako shrugged. "Nah, not really. It's just kind of an annoying feeling."
Barry said "So, uh, I guess this means we shouldn't try to get him to remember anything?"
"It's probably for the best," Lup said. "He wouldn't be able to anyway, the Voidfish does a pretty good job of erasing stuff."
"You know about the Voidfish?" Taako asked.
Lup nodded. "I've known it since it was a baby. I didn't take care of it personally, but it was like, our team mascot. It was always around."
Taako finished his last few bites of food. "So, who are you guys, anyway?" He asked.
"I'm Barry," Barry said. "Barry Bluejeans."
Taako burst out in laughter. "You—you're serious?" He said, gasping between laughs. "The guy who got kidnapped by gerblins? Bluejeans? You're a necromancer?"
"To be fair—" Barry started, before being interrupted by more laughter. "To be fair, I had no idea I was a lich while I had a body."
Taako took a few deep breaths and calmed himself. "No wonder you were so horny for Merle's blood. That actually makes a lot of sense now."
"It—I wasn't horny, it was for the map!" Barry protested, throwing everyone else into a bout of laughter.
"Yeah," Lup said, "the only fetish this guy has is for denim."
"Lup!" Barry whined.
"Oh, I like you, Umbrella Lady," Taako said. "You were the lich from my umbrella, right?"
"Technically it was mine first," Lup said, "but yep, that was me."
"And you tried to kill my boyfriend?" Taako said, with no malice in his voice. Kravitz tried to ignore the rush of warmth he felt when Taako called him his boyfriend. Now's not the time.
Lup shrugged. "He said he sensed a lich, and he usually kills those, so I panicked."
Taako nodded. "Yeah, yeah that's understandable," he said, "so why did you kill my kid's cookies?"
Lup put her hands up in defense. "That was collateral damage, I was trying to send a message. I swear I didn't mean to."
"Your kid?" Kravitz said, smirking. Taako's face and ears turned a bit red. It wasn't often that Kravitz had the chance to tease Taako, so he took the opportunities when he could.
"I didn't say that," Taako insisted. Kravitz knew better than to argue. "Anyway, he still thinks I destroyed those cookies. And yeah they were bland, but they weren't that bad. The kid actually showed some promise. It took forever to convince him I didn't hate him." Kravitz gave Taako a knowing glance and Taako said "Even though I totally do. Anyway, what do I call you, Umbrella Chick, since I apparently can't comprehend your name?"
"Not Umbrella Chick," Lup said. "Way too long."
"How about Lulu?" Barry suggested. "It's not that far off from your name. Could you hear that, Taako?"
Taako gave a double thumbs up and Lup sighed. "Yeah, that's fine," she said. "So, now that we have that cleared up, what's up with Lucretia? Bone Boy didn't really explain anything."
"Wait a sec-" Taako said, holding up a finger. "How do you know the Director's name?"
Barry answered this time. "She's our friend. We all used to work together before, well, everything happened."
"That's vague, but okay." Taako said, nodding. "Well, first she got pissed I was late to training again. Which, whatever, it's her fault I'm so tired after training, I should be able to sleep in. Then she thought I was sneaking down to the surface—we're on the moon, by the way—to do, I don't know. Evil things. Meeting up with you guys, maybe. Which I wasn't, you know. I just didn't think it was her business I was going down to go on dates with the Grim Reaper. Then she asked what happened to the umbrella—" Taako held the umbrastaff up—"and I guess she found it suspicious that I was able to fix it. Then I got my snooze on. Or, she made me get my snooze on. I don't know what happened until I woke up in that room over there."
Kravitz cleared his throat. "I was there, I can help with that," he offered.
"You were there when Taako woke up?" Lup interrupted, smirking. Kravitz felt his face flush in embarrassment. "Hold up. Kravitz." Lup grinned and Kravitz was immediately filled with dread. "Did you take my dear brother to bone town last night?"
Kravitz buried his face in his hands. I'm in Hell. I'm dead and in Hell. "We didn't, Lup, I swear to my Queen we were just sleeping together," Kravitz insisted.
"Sleeping together, or sleeping together?" Barry asked with a matching grin.
"Not you too, Barry," Kravitz groaned. Kravitz looked to Taako, who was red in the face trying to stifle his laughter.
"So did you two—" Lup started, but Kravitz quickly interrupted.
"We didn't do anything, really, can we please get back to the topic at hand?" Kravitz begged.
Taako exploded with laughter. Lup and Barry joined in. Kravitz rolled his eyes. He couldn't really be annoyed when the three of them were laughing like the family they used to be. "Alright, that's enough," Taako said, wiping away some tears. "Trust me, I love it when Krav gets flustered, but there's some important business we should probably get to."
Lup leaned forward with her elbow on the table. "Wow Taako, never thought you'd be the one to get serious."
Taako leaned back, shrugging. "Not really, I'm just curious. Krav was about to talk about what I didn't already know."
"Alright then, Bones," Lup said, "Lay it on us."
"Thank you," Kravitz said, biting back a finally. "Lucretia left after Taako went down. Magnus was outside the door, and Lucretia wanted him to go with her, but he said he would stay to guard the room Taako was in. Of course, instead, he rushed in as soon as Lucretia was gone, which was just when I was picking up Taako. Understandably, he was concerned. Somehow I convinced him to let me take Taako here and told him that Angus could vouch for me."
Just then, Taako's Stone of Farspeech rang. Taako picked it up to look at it. "It's Magnus," he said. Then he tossed it to Kravitz, who fumbled with it before catching it. "Here ya go, Krav."
"What?" Kravitz said, staring at Taako in confusion. "Why don't you answer this?"
"I don't know what to say," Taako explained.
"Fair, but neither do I," Kravitz said, the stone still going off in his hands.
"If you talk to Magnus, these guys can catch me up with whatever they need to," Taako said.
Kravitz knew he to act fast or the stone would stop ringing. "Alright, I'll do it," he said. "Excuse me, then." He stood up and walked a few feet away to answer the stone.