Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was a college fling. Bucky shouldn’t expect so much from the billionaire’s son, soon-to-be CEO of the most technologically advanced company on the face of the planet. Still, it doesn’t stop Bucky from wasting away in his room, neglecting work and class in favor of wallowing in old memories and self pity.

Steve comes by, then Natasha, then Sam.

“Come on, Buck. You’ve been in here for days.”, Steve shakes Bucky’s shoulder.

“Weeks.”, Sam corrects.

Bucky stays quiet. He stares blankly at the wall with red, puffy, stinging eyes. His scruff has grown out and his hair is greasy and messy.

“You’ve gone through breakups before. What’s so different about this one?”, Natasha crosses her arms over her chest, staring down at Bucky. He doesn’t answer, so they all leave and decide to try something else.

Bruce and Rhodey visit next. Bucky is a little more cooperative with Tony’s best friends.

“He didn’t leave because of you, Bucky.”, Rhodey reassured.

“His dad doesn’t know he’s bisexual. The bastard’s grossly intolerant and Tony didn’t want any of his bullshit falling back on you.”, Bruce added.

Bucky, now sitting upright for the first time in too damn long, leans back against the headboard of the bed. His hands shake as he rubs his face.

Rhodey and Bruce see how Bucky hurts. Despite Tony’s wishes to cut Bucky off completely - thinking that it would be easier that way - the two devise a plan.

“Bruce is gonna stay here. I’ll text you in a couple of hours.”, Rhodey stands and goes to leave the apartment.

“Where are you going?”, Bucky asks, his voice hoarse from misuse.

“Just get showered and dressed.”, Rhodey says before he disappears.

Bucky tosses the blankets aside and looks around his room. It’s filthy, takeout and fast food trash gathered in various parts of the room, along with bottles of varying kinds of alcohol.

“Don’t worry about this, I’ll take care of it. Get in the shower, you stink.”, Bruce directs as firmly yet kindly as he can.

—

“No.”

“Tony, please, the guy is a mess. Steve said he hasn’t seen the light of day since you left.”, Rhodey pleads, following Tony around his laboratory at Stark Interprises.

“Then send him my best wishes, but I’m not going to see him again.”, Tony snaps. He busies himself with idle tasks just to distract himself. Shuffling through blueprints, opening and closing drawers, organizing work stations.

“He’s drinking, he hasn’t gone to class or to work.”, Rhodey speaks a little more somberly.

Tony and Bucky met at an recovery program for alcoholics. They had their reasons for their addictions, but together, they were able to come out on the other side all clean and shiny and without looking back. Tony didn’t realize Bucky leaned so heavily on him for his sobriety.

Tony pauses, white-knuckling a screwdriver. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth. Truthfully, Bucky wasn’t the only one relying on someone else to stay clean.

“I can’t. Howard would-“

“Who gives a shit? That old fucker is dying as we speak. Besides, I’m not telling you to publicly declare that you’re in love with Bucky, all I’m asking of you is that you give the poor kid some closure. You left so suddenly, he didn’t really get to say goodbye.”

—

Tony remembered that night and it haunted him mercilessly. He remembered packing his bag and sneaking out while Bucky slept peacefully. He remembered going back home, back to the mansion. His mother was there and she greeted him with tears spilling down her cheeks and kisses pressed against his forehead. The tears weren’t ones of sorrow or pain, but of unbridled joy.

“I shouldn’t be this happy.”, she cried as she and Tony sat in the library, away from Howard and his doctors.

“How long does he have?”, Tony had asked her, his own hands shaking.

“A few months at the most.”, Maria chewed on her perfectly manicured nails, a habit she had when she felt overwhelmed.

The two sat in silence, but the anxious energy in the room spoke volumes about their feeling of Howard’s imminent passing.

—

“He’s gonna have to wait.”, Tony speaks after several moments lost in his thought.

Rhodey looks at him with a knowing expression. He’s known Tony since they were in the first grade, he knows when Tony wants something, but is holding back for the sake of his family name.

“I’ll help you clean up. You need to get ready.”

Tony nods wordlessly and they clear the laboratory of the messes Tony made. He showers and gets dressed - nothing to fancy that would suggest Tony was excited to see Bucky again, but nothing so casual that would give the idea that he didn’t want to be there.

“You look fine. You could show up in a trash bag and he’d think you were a model for Calvin Klein.”, Rhodey jokes.

—

Bruce sweeps the living room and straightens up the couch. Bucky is in the bathroom, shaving off his scruff and drying his hair with a towel.

Bruce gets a text from Rhodey saying that he and Tony will be at the park in the picnic area by the duck pond shortly. It’s a relatively isolated place, so Tony wouldn’t have to worry about cameras.

“C’mon, Bucky. We have to go.”

“Do I look okay?”, Bucky asks sheepishly. He’s dressed in a white t-shirt, blue jeans, a black leather jacket, and nice sneakers. His hair is neat and styled attractively, he’s clean shaven, and he doesn’t smell like body odor anymore.

“You look fine. Let’s go.”, Bruce gestures toward the door.

They get to the park first. Rhodey promises that it’ll be a short wait until they arrive.

“What do you think he’s gonna say?”, Bucky asks, his knee bouncing up and down, playing with his fingers in nervous anticipation.

“I don’t know. I didn’t know the first time you asked me. I won’t know when you ask me again in thirty seconds. The both of us will have to wait until he gets here.”, Bruce tosses a sweetly exasperated look Bucky’s way.

Five minutes pass - five minutes too long, if Bucky’s got anything to say about it - before Tony and Rhodey show up. There’s no one else around, as it’s late evening and no one’s in this part of the park at this hour.

Tony’s biting his lip, Bucky fondly recognizes the nervous habit. He sits down across from Bucky and beside Bruce.

“Hey.”, he offers weakly. He avoids eye contact, opting to stare at the old, weathered wood of the picnic table.

“Hey.”, Bucky returns.

There’s a long bout of silence before Rhodey and Bruce realize that they’re intruding.

“We’ll give you two some space.”, Rhodey says as they get up and walk to another table.

There’s more silence, but this time it’s more productive. They’re both thinking of anything and everything that needs to be said.

“Howard’s dying.”, Tony starts. It’s awkward and seemingly irrelevant, but it’s all he’s got.

“Really?”, Bucky tilts his head to the side.

“Some kind of liver cancer. Really rare, really aggressive. He doesn’t have very long.”, Tony’s still looking down at the table, tracing over the wood grain with his fingertips, doing anything to keep his train of thought going in the right direction.

“That must be good news. For you and your mom, at least.”

Call it sick or twisted, but Bucky knew about Howard and his abuses against his wife and son, as well as many employees. Truthfully, cancer - however aggressive and painful it was - was a much more pleasant way to die than anything Howard deserved.

“Yeah. It is. My mom’s pretty excited.”

Just as Bucky's about to ask what, exactly, the news of Howard’s illness has to do with anything, Tony speaks up again.

“When he dies, I’ll be CEO. I won’t be fired or harassed or publicly shamed for being with a man.”, Tony explained further. Bucky’s heart skips a few beats.

“So, you left because of Howard’s policies?”

“Yeah.”

“And when he dies, we can-“

“No.”

Bucky’s taken aback by the abrupt sharpness of Tony’s tone. For the first time, he looks Bucky directly in the eye with a fierce glare.

“I don’t understand.”, Bucky very nearly whimpers.

“When I’m the CEO, I won’t have time for a significant other, regardless of gender. If we were together, you’d be neglected and left alone to answer questions about the company, our personal life, random bullshit that doesn’t matter, but for some reason the press cares about. I grew up like that and I couldn’t stand to put someone I loved through it, too.”, Tony explained, the last part slipping out unexpectedly. His eyes widen and his mouth shuts so fast he almost bites his tongue off.

“You...what?”

“Never mind. This was a bad idea.”, Tony tries to get up from the table, but Bucky grabs his hand.

“No! Tony, I don’t care about the press or how much time you spend with me. I just want us to be together. I love you too, I love you so much.”, Bucky’s desperate. He pulls Tony so that he’s sitting down again.

“You deserve more than what I’d be able to give you.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well, you should.”, Tony barks. It catches the attention of Bruce and Rhodey, who look over at them in concern.

“I’m sorry, Bucky.”, Tony’s tone demands no room for argument.

“Tony, please don’t.”

“Goodbye, Bucky.”, he stands and leaves. Rhodey runs after him, calling his name. Bruce goes to Bucky’s side.

“Bucky, I’m so sorry-“

“This was a fucking stupid idea. Thanks a lot.”, Bucky shoves Bruce away and walks back to his apartment alone.