Chapter Text
They say that one's life flashes before their eyes in the moments before their death, so Jayne Shepard knew without a doubt that she was, in fact, dying. Her life flashed and overlaid the sight of the Normandy coming apart at the seams, little inconsequential things and hugely important things and things in between that she didn't know she had remembered. All of them went by as she floated further and further from reach, her air leaking from her suit at a rapid rate.
Oh, Normandy, look at you, she thought with a second of clarity, seeing bulkheads and carpeting fly out in all directions, just as she was. Uncle David is gonna kill me.
You're funny, Jayne. Real funny.
Memories hit her, disjointed and quick...
***
“Good morning, Officer Vakarian,” she said, running fingertips across the shoulder of a well tailored C-Sec uniform, before tidying up the one seam that lay out of place against his keel bone.
“Commander Shepard,” replied an equally unremarkable tone from a most remarkably dual toned voice. They shared a secret smile that no one else saw, fingers brushing as they passed each other in the corridor of the Wards. Only last night she'd been pinned against a wall in her dingy apartment by those powerful hands, had been gripped and spread open like a feast for the mouth that went with that voice.
And today? Today was like any other, two professionals passing through their respective districts on their way to work.
***
“Critical failure in suit atmospheric seals,” a stale, canned computerized voice said in her ear. It was faint as if from far away, but Jayne knew it was coming from inside her helmet. Dammit, her eardrums had blown already. She could barely move her limbs in the near absolute cold of open space, her face essentially locked in place and facing the remains of the Normandy. From her vantage point the damage to her beloved ship was undeniably complete. She would shed a tear if she had any to spare. At least she hadn't panicked at the inability to move. Funny how that fear had finally been burned away.
Not to mention, she was already aware her air was leaking. She'd known it as soon as she'd started drifting away from her ship at a faster pace than she should have been, pushed away from it as her mass was nullified in the lack of gravity field. In her imagination she could hear the hiss of the air as it dissipated into the vacuum. It wouldn't take long now.
More flashes of the past, some good, some...not so much...
***
“First time on the Citadel?” the nasally voice of Ambassador Udina said. She laughed; she had been working with other Alliance personnel side by side with the local C-Sec officers for over a year and was in and out of his office in the embassies several times a week. First time on the Citadel, indeed. She bloody well lived there!
“Oh no, Ambassador, I've been here before.” Diplomacy she could do, she decided. Better than he could, it appeared.
She looked up at the cherry blossoms on the trees that lined the Citadel Tower. They looked so unreal to her, so strangely out of place. She knew they weren't real cherries like she knew them, they were merely an analog type of tree that grew on Thessia and had been planted by the asari ages ago, long before humans had found the relays. Still...the similarities were uncanny.
“Hmm, well if you're one of Anderson's crew you should get back to him,” Udina sneered. She'd never understood how someone so lacking in basic manners, much less any persuasive charms, had become the spokesperson for the entire human race on the Citadel. Just went to show how much money still talked in their supposedly enlightened age.
“Already on my way,” she retorted blithely, turning her back to the rude little man and marching out with her shotgun across her back. Garrus was waiting for her at the elevator. Routine paperwork, of course. All neatly filed and tucked away in plastene folders before they swept the table clear to fuck on it. Long and slow she would ride him, letting it build until neither of them could stand it anymore. Long and slow before the urgency would get too great for him and he lay her out flat on that table to pound into her like he was dying. Man, she knew she would miss that table when they finally broke it.
***
“Temperature dropping rapidly,” the tinny voice said in her helmet again and she nearly snorted aloud. Well, she would have, if she had any air to spare. Her eyes were beginning to dry out and her body no longer felt cold. She was getting tired too and could feel her lungs gasping inside her rib cage, desperate for air that wasn't coming. But there was no panic left in her; she'd made her peace already. She'd made her peace as soon as she'd seen the bridge, as soon as she'd stuffed Joker into that pod and twisted the escape valve. She knew her end was very near and that she wouldn't be as lucky as her pilot or any of the other crew that got away.
One life balanced against all the rest...she thought. Please let it be worth it.
More memories...this one recent and painful, full of regret and the sour knowledge that she'd done what she could and it hadn't made a difference...
***
Saren's ruined face, animated by the Reaper tech inside him into a mockery of life, looked up at her from the smashed floor of the Tower council chamber. Sovereign had no control over him now; he was at peace. It seemed a shame that she wasn't. And then he was gone, burned to ash as the dying Reaper withdrew from the body. There was a looming presence literally falling behind her, but she didn't turn to look. She would be crushed, she knew, and all she could think about was how she would never again feel Garrus against her skin as he woke her from a sound sleep. He loved sneaking away from the maintenance berth below to her cabin in the wee hours of the night shift, almost like a gleeful child getting away with something.
She could hear him now, in fact, his dual tones both screaming at her to move as Sovereign crashed through the ceiling to disintegrate around her. She was buried under the weight of the dead Reaper, caught in the tangles of dark energy and oily slick metallic parts.
***
She would have no such luck now, drifting further away from the wreckage of her ship. Nothing to crush her in open space except the vacuum itself. She couldn't hear the voice of her helmet anymore, which either meant her eardrums had given way completely or the mechanisms inside her suit had frozen.
She couldn't see anything anymore either. But there wasn't the pain she expected. The cold had deadened her nerves already, the long sleep of hypothermia and asphyxiation awaited her. She began to tumble as debris hit her...
***
“I have never been so glad to have left C-Sec as right now,” Garrus said, even the memory of his voice far away now. He had been looking at her, running his fingers along her bare skin, those deadly talons carefully whispering over sensitive places that made her shiver with anticipation. His race was a disciplined one, but oh, the passion they held in reserve that was unleashed in private. It made her tremble to know she was the object of his singular attention. Her, a lowly human in a universe too big and too diverse. The lights in Garrus's eyes held hers as he touched her, as he brought her skin to vibrant life under his talons....
***
Jayne died with her eyes open, and her mouth smiling. Her last bit of air said his name, even though there was no one to hear it, not even herself. Her last thought was of him, and the deluge of regret that he wasn't even going to know how much she loved him. She'd never gotten the chance to tell him...
Her body drifted like just another piece of debris in the field of it that was once the SSV Normandy. The cold lifeless shell that had once been Jayne Shepard didn't feel the impact as she landed on the planet below, didn't see the lights long afterwards combing through the mass of twisted metal and torn apart furniture. It didn't feel itself being hauled into the airlock of another vessel. And it certainly didn't see the shock on the faces of those who uncovered her from her broken armor.
Jayne isn't here right now, please leave a message...