Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Starscream almost didn't believe the news.  The Lost Light crew?  Alive?  He had rolled his optics at the intrusion, but on further insistence, he went to check it out, and... there they were.  Alive.  Barely, it seemed for a few of them.  If their hastily repaired wounds said anything.  Their optics stared; dull, and tired.  In need of energon that wasn’t dried to their scorched and cracked plating.

"You're all alive!"  Starscream looked around the group, waiting for an explanation, but he received none.

"Where's..."  Starscream looked around at the group again, triple-checking that he hadn't somehow missed his massive frame somewhere in the group.  "Where's Megatron?"

That elicited a visceral reaction from Rodimus.  He bared his denta, and somehow still looked ferocious even though he lacked fangs, and balled his fists so tightly it looked as though he was trying to snap the wires in them and crush his fingers.  His optics and biolights flashed so erratically that Starscream had to avert his gaze.  And change the subject, apparently.

"What are you all doing here?" he asked instead.  "Why aren't you on the Lost Light?"

Nope.  That just made Rodimus angrier.  The bots closest to him took a step or two away.  Except for Drift, who got a little closer, though he didn't try to touch or comfort him.

With a quiet and annoyed growl, he tried, "What happened?"

"It's a long story," Ultra Magnus said, stepping forward.  "Right now, we just need a place to recharge and get some energon."

"And a ship," Rodimus spat.

"Later," Ultra Magnus chastised.

Rodimus practically snarled as he stomped away from the group.

"Ignore him," Ultra Magnus said.  "We'll be out of here in a few days, and once we're rested we'll explain everything."

Starscream's optics followed Rodimus' tantrum.  A force of nature with no place to let loose its destruction.  He stewed and simmered as the storm inside of him only grew.  Through all of his fiery rage, one behavior stuck out.  While one fist would stay balled at his side, his other hand would intermittently touch his chest with the care of a calm mech.  He didn’t scratch or claw, just touched with a reverence.  As though his darkened Autobot symbol were something precious.  Something to be treasured.

"Okay," Starscream found himself saying.  He turned his full attention to Ultra Magnus.  "We can accommodate you for as long as you need."

"Thank you."

***

Once the meager Lost Light crew had gotten a proper fuelling, Starscream met with Rodimus and Ultra Magnus in a conference room far too big for the three of them.  Every recount of Getaway and their battle with the DJD, and subsequently Megatron's betrayal following their jaunt to another universe, echoed around them.

Their story was almost too much.  Though during his life, Starscream had seen crazier things.  He'd come to realize that normalcy often hid the truth.  As crazy as their story was, he had to believe it.  If nothing else, Rodimus' seething rage, simmering just below the surface, was enough to confirm Megatron's betrayal, if nothing else.

"My people won't be happy about that," Starscream said.

"What, and you think we are?" Rodimus finally spoke.  Screamed, really.

"Volume, Rodimus," Ultra Magnus scolded.  "You don't need to shout."

The reprimand returned Rodimus to his simmering, still worrying at his chest.

Starscream sighed.  "Well.  Nothing to be done at the moment.  We will discuss future actions once you've all rested.  I've already got bots working on getting your rooms together."

"Thank you, Starscream."  Ultra Magnus turned to Rodimus, glowering as the Primeling stayed silent.  "Rodimus."

"Yeah, thanks, ‘Scream," Rodimus grumbled.

Ultra Magnus sighed.  "I'll help organize the rooms," he offered.  "Keep the troublemakers from rooming together."

Starscream smiled, stifling a laugh.  "Yes.  You see to that.  I thought perhaps Rodimus and I could discuss his plans to take back the Lost Light?"

Ultra Magnus looked at Starscream as though he'd grown a second helm.  He threw a passing glance Rodimus' way as he said, "Suit yourself," before heading for the door.

After Ultra Magnus left, Starscream stared at Rodimus.  Rodimus, without the sparkle in his optics or a smile on his face.  It looked like the vibrant colours had drained from his frame to be replaced with these dark new hues.  He kept fussing with the dark Autobot symbol on his chest.  He would intermittently put a hand to his belly as though his tank were upset.  But all that was on his sullen face, all that raged through his over-expanded field, was dread and worry.

Rodimus sank further down into the seat.

"The temper is very you," Starscream broke the silence, "but the holding back is not."

"What do you care?" Rodimus spat.

"Well, I'd rather not have you destroy a room I will have to pay to get fixed, so I figure it will be cheaper to endure whatever it is you have bouncing around in that helm of yours."  He looked him up and down.  "A very dark helm, now.  Care to explain that, too?"

"I'm not gonna break things that aren't mine," Rodimus muttered.

"Uh huh.  And Megatron said I would never be a leader."

There it was.  The bristling at his name.

Starscream smiled.  "Megatron didn't seem to think very highly of you, either, did he?  I suppose we have that in common.  Being his lesser second."

"Fuck off!"

"Oooh, feisty."

Rodimus stood suddenly, kicking his chair over.  "I was never second to him!  We were co-captains!"

"Mm."  Starscream chuckled.  "And I'm sure everyone respected you equally, hm?"

Rodimus practically snarled.

"Would you care to pick that up?"  Starscream leaned against the table, twisting at the middle to face Rodimus.  "Since you're all about not breaking things that don't belong to you?"

He simmered a moment longer.  All vehement rage.  A fiery thing.  Then, looking at least a little remorseful, he placed the chair back on its legs.

"You should stay with me," Starscream offered.  "So I can keep an optic on you.  Make sure you don't kick down any more chairs."

Rodimus scoffed.  "Yeah, okay, I'll stay with you."

"Perfect."

"That was sarcasm you insufferable—"

"Rodimus."  Starscream raised an optic ridge.  "There are only a select few who are going to understand what you're going through."

"What the actual fuck does that mean?"

Starscream gave him a long look.  "I think you know what it means.  Regardless, if you stay with me, it'll mean one less room I'll have to had made up.  And it will be a room befitting a captain."

"I'll stay with my crew, thanks.  I don't need special treatment."

"If anything, it's quite the opposite of 'special treatment.'  Your crew will have rooms made up for them, but I won't have to change a thing for you."  Starscream headed for the exit and said in passing, "It's up to you."

Rodimus crossed his arms and kind of glared at him.  Like he didn’t think he was worth a full glower.  "How many berths you got?"

Starscream threw a flirty glance over his shoulder.  "Enough."

Chapter Text

Rodimus followed Starscream silently as he lead the way to his condo.  Not quite stewing now, just quiet.  Worrying.  His bad habits cropped up; he picked at his hands and occasionally chewed at imperfections.  Starscream made no comment on this, but the tips of his own fingers tingled in anticipation for him to succumb to his own nervous habit.  He managed to keep his hands at his sides until they reached his door.

"After you," Starscream said after opening the door.  He bowed slightly as he stood out of the way, allowing Rodimus passage.

"Thanks," Rodimus said, hastily taking his knuckle out of his mouth.

"Thirsty?"  Starscream made a beeline for his bar.

Rodimus' hand shot to his chest, paint-stripped fingertips opting to pick at his Autobot symbol.  "No engex for me."

"You didn't strike me as the 'virgin' type," Starscream teased.  "Any additives?  Maybe something to calm your nerves?"

"Uh..."  Rodimus' picking threatened to tear his symbol off completely.  "I... I dunno."

"Sweetener's not going to kill you."  Starscream inconspicuously turned his helm to watch Rodimus' reactions.  "And after all you've been through, maybe something to calm your spark and help you sleep?" he suggested.

"No, just..."  He looked angry for a split second, clenching his fist in lieu of picking.  "Just an energon dose, okay?  I'm fine."

Starscream chuckled, though not loudly enough to be heard.  "Fine" never looked this worried. 

"Well I'm going to enjoy a nice cocktail," Starscream said.  "After all this craziness, I think I deserve one.  You do too, of course."  He turned, drinks in hand.  "Are you sure you don't want anything more?"

"Stop fragging needling me!" Rodimus snapped.

"See, some engex would smooth out those edges."  He walked back over to him, giving him his straight energon, as he'd requested.  Once Rodimus had snatched it from him, he added, "But suit yourself."

"Maybe I just don't want to lower my inhibitions around you."

"Oh?"  Starscream smiled.  "Afraid I might coax you into my berth if you're not vigilant?"

"Just shut up and drink!"  Rodimus chugged half of his energon, realizing how hungry he was once it hit his glossa.  A little more calmly, but still irritably, he said, "Hopefully you're more palatable on a full tank.”

"I'm an acquired taste," Starscream said.  He waved Rodimus along as he walked.  "Come.  Sit.  Enjoy your plain energon like the fun bot you are."

Rodimus scowled.  "At least I don't need engex to be entertaining."

"Oh, I don't need it either," Starscream sat on his couch, crossing one leg over the other, "but I find it eases..."  He looked him up and down, leaving the sultriness where it manifested.  "...difficult situations."

Rodimus made no comment to that as he sat on the other end of the couch, leaning as far away from Starscream as he was able to.

"So.  I bet your happy to be rid of Megatron," Starscream broke the silence.  He raised his drink.  "This one's for you, you aft.  May you rust in whatever Primus-forsaken universe you got trapped in."

"He didn't 'get trapped,'" Rodimus made air quotes, "he abandoned us."

"'Us?'"  Starscream laughed.  "More like he ran from his trial."

Rodimus sank lower on the couch.  "That too."

Starscream swirled his drink, watching its legs trickle down the glass.  "You consider yourself 'abandoned,' then?"

"What?"

His red gaze shifted sideways.  "You said that Megatron abandoned you."

"Well, yeah!  Like, he abandoned the Lost Light."  Rodimus spoke quickly.  "We're supposed to be co-captains!  He can't just... he can't just leave when he wants to!  He has a duty to his crew!"

"And to you?"

"What the frag are you on about?"

Starscream swirled his drink.  “You know, he abandoned me, too.  Not quite as permanently, but sometimes I wish it had been.”

Rodimus squinted at him, anger still fizzling hotly in his field.  “You don’t usually make much sense but you’re making even less sense now.”

“He’d leave,” Starscream said.  “Usually to make a point.  To stop whatever behaviour of mine he didn’t like.  Worked for a while, too.  Sometimes I wish I had just kept letting that work and just done what he told me to do.”  He slid his gaze sideways, keeping a careful check on his emotions.  “Did he ever just leave in the middle of an argument?”

“Listen, Starscream, whatever fucked up things Megatron did to you it wasn’t like that for us.”  Rodimus worried more at his Autobot symbol.  A sizeable silver patch grew along the seam of his chest.  “We had equal rank, for one, and for another—”

“So you’re saying he didn’t lure you into his berth?”

Hands clenching into fists, Rodimus yelled, “He didn’t ‘lure me’ he came to me!”

Starscream smirked.  “So I was right, then.”

“What are you—”

“He’s charming, Rodimus,” Starscream said coolly.  “I’m not mocking you for falling for him.  It’d be hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“We weren’t—I didn’t—”  Rodimus bit his lip and turned away, hugging himself a moment later.

Starscream turned towards him to make up for it.  He kept his voice soft and calm.  He did what he wished someone would have done for him all those years ago.  “Rodimus.  Whatever he did to you, it wasn’t your fault.  I don’t even blame you for falling for any of it.  I know how good of an actor he can be.  Sometimes he was like two different mechs: who he was around me and who he was around everyone else.”

“Primus, you don’t know anything!”  As strong as his words were, Rodimus shrank in on himself more.  “We had something good.  I don’t… I don’t understand.  He said he’d only be a minute.  Why did I listen to him?”

“He’s deceitful.  He can’t care about anyone but himself.  And I used to think we had something good.”

Rodimus scoffed.  “Right.”

“I could show you.”

“Yeah, hard pass, thanks.”

Starscream shrugged.  “Suit yourself, but it would get rid of that pesky little problem.  I could rid you of every trace of his CNA.”

Rodimus turned terrified and bright blue optics to him.  “What the frag are you going on about now?”

“His sparkling.  The one you’re carrying.”

“What?  I’m not—you don’t—we didn’t—”

“Rodimus.  It’s painfully obvious.  If you keep picking at your chest everyone’s going to know.”  Starscream smirked.  “Plus, you’ve never been one to refuse a free drink.”

Rodimus bit his lip again.

“Again, I’m not mocking you.  Not intentionally, anyways.  I want to help you.”

“And why would you help me?”

“Why, indeed?”  Starscream looked off at nothing in particular.  “I’m glad you didn’t have to endure him for as long as I did.  I hope you aren’t lying when you say you had something good.  Maybe you got lucky.  But… he still left, like you said.  He abandoned you when you’re sparked to a place that’s virtually impossible to get to him.”

“He… he doesn’t know.  About the sparkling, I mean.  He… I…”  A hand to his chest again, this time only touching it.  “I just found out.  I felt weird after everything so I looked at my spark and… It’s there.  So… so he didn’t know.”

“Were you anything to him?”

Rodimus’ spoiler popped up.  “Of course I was!”

“Calm down, Rodimus, I’m just asking.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!”

“Do you want to keep it?”

Rodimus’ silent snarl wobbled into a frown.  He put his helm in his hands.  Starscream just watched him, his spark clenching, as though watching himself through a mirror to the past.

“I don’t know,” Rodimus finally answered, quietly.

“I can help you either way,” Starscream said.  “I can get you into a place to terminate.  They’re very good and work quickly and confidentially.  No one will know you were even there.  Or, if you want to keep the little spawn, I’d be willing to overwrite Megatron’s data so know one will know of your… affairs.”

“They weren’t affairs he loved me.”  Even as Rodimus said that, doubt flooded his field.  “He didn’t even want to merge with me in the first place.  It took so long to convince him and even then we weren’t trying for one, and, and I had dampers so I don’t… this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“But it did and you have to deal with it,” Starscream said bluntly.  “I’ve given you your options.”

“And why would I want to merge with you?”  Venom in his tone had him spitting his words.

Starscream shrugged.  “If you have a better offer I would take it.”

“Maybe I want to keep his sparkling.”

He shrugged again.  “Then do it.  I won’t stop you.”

The picking started up again. 

“Listen, Rodimus, I don’t make a point of being brutally honest all that often, and believe it or not, I don’t like to see myself in others.  Especially this part.  And I see myself in you, now.  I can practically smell him on you.  I don’t give a damn what you decide to do with the thing, but even if he does come back—and he won’t—there’s no guarantee that he’ll even want anything to do with it.  Or you.  You can’t hold out on that hope.  So tell me, right now, in your current circumstances, what do you think is best for you and the sparkling?”

Rodimus didn’t say anything.

“It’s your choice.  No one else’s.  I can’t make it for you and I will respect whatever you decide, in the end.  No one even has to know that we had this conversation.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

Starscream watched his drink as he swirled it so he wouldn’t have to face his or Rodimus’ feelings right then.  “I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on anyone.  Not one bit of it.  Not the yelling, the belittling, the violence.  Especially not the abandonment.  You have a bright spark, Rodimus, I’d hate to see it snuffed by him.”  He smirked.  “Not to mention we’d make some hot sparklings, don’t you think?”

Rodimus sputtered and Starscream laughed.

“It’s an offer.  I’m not going to jump you or anything.  I have a guest berthroom, but I wouldn’t be opposed to just fragging.”  His smirk only grew as Rodimus floundered in his peripheries.  Who knew the speedster was so easily ruffled?

“In all seriousness, Rodimus, you do need to make this decision sooner rather than later.  If you want to overwrite the coding, that is.  It’s less likely to be successful the longer you wait.”

“… I know.”

Starscream gave Rodimus an empathetic look.  “I don’t like seeing you like this.  We’re usually at each other’s throats by now,” he teased with a smile.

A tiny smile of his own proceeded Rodimus’ decision.  “… I want to keep it.”  He sighed as the weight of the world pushed down on his shoulders.  “I don’t think I’ll be that great a parent, but I had everything in place to not get sparked, so… I dunno, it’s stupid, but… maybe it was fate or some junk?”

Starscream snorted a laugh.  “Oh yes, Primus loves sparking his Primes with CNA from an ex-warlord.  It’s the perfect plan.”

“Shut up!  I just meant that everything happens for a reason.”

“Everything?”  Starscream’s gaze darkened. 

“Well… maybe not everything, but… I said it was stupid, but I want it, okay?”

“And you’re in your rights to keep it.  But can you handle a sparkling that’s his and all that that entails?”

“I—”

“If it looks like you, great, you can lie and make anyone the sire.  If it looks like him, though… well, people would know you were intimate with him, for one.  For two, they could resent your sparkling before they’d ever done anything wrong.  Can you handle telling your child that you fell for a genocidal dictator?”

“He’s not—!”  Rodimus growled.  “He was changing.  I saw it.  I… I hated him when Optimus put him on board.  I don’t even know how the frag I got here and you don’t need to tell me how stupid this was because I know.  I know.  I feel fucking guilty and stupid every time I try to sleep to the point where I can’t sleep, but… he made me feel special.  Important.  He brought out the best in me and I… I thought I did the same for him.”

“You’re forgiving to a fault,” Starscream commented. 

Rodimus shrugged.

“Well.  Think on it.  Sleep on it, if you need to.”  Starscream stood, pointing.  “The guest room is just down the hall over there.  If you need anything else, comm me.”

Rodimus hugged himself.  His spoiler had drooped, but less with sorrow and more with an overwhelming tiredness that seeped into Starscream’s field. 

As he left, he said, “He took a lot of who I was.  Don’t let him do the same to you.”

Chapter Text

Closing his berthroom door behind him, Starscream leaned against it.  Old memories—good and bad—made his processor swim.  Being in such close proximity to a sparked bot was awakening stifled coding that he didn’t want to address.  Which brought up more memories which he also didn’t want to deal with, and yet…

He made his way over to a dresser and dug through a drawer full of… anything, really.  Whatever didn’t have a place elsewhere.  He pulled out a dusty box tucked so far in the back he’d been convinced it had been lost to the ravages of time.  But there it was.  A box that suited this drawer perfectly.  It had no place.  Not now.  Not anymore.

How he’d managed to keep it with him all this time, he’d never know.  It had been his last vestige of what Vos had been.  A hope to cling to whenever the days seemed to never end. 

Every now and then, he’d take it out.  Most of the time he’d just look at its contents.  Maybe touch them.  Reverently.  On days where he needed the comfort, he’d take out the chimes and clip them to his wings, and the soft clinking would make his spark swell; bittersweet. 

The paints he didn’t dare open.  He hoped a desperate hope that somehow, as long as they were sealed, they wouldn’t dry up.  These couldn’t be replaced so easily.  Not that the chimes could either, but they could at least be replicated.  But these, they had old minerals in them.  Even if they were still in abundance, Starscream didn’t know any of their names.  He didn’t know the compositions.  He didn’t remember anything. 

He’d been so young when they’d came.  Before they’d taken everything, he thought they were just another part of life.  He’d never understood why the elder seekers would bristle and glare. 

Now.  Now he knew.

From a less-dusty drawer, but still buried in the back behind the paints he actually used, was a tiny still-sealed pot of shimmery gold.  He’d bought it on a whim, of course.  It was advertised as make-up for special events, but he and the winged shop owner shared a look that day.  He didn’t ask if it was a traditional mating paint.  He wanted to believe, either way.  Why he ever thought he’d need something like that he didn’t dwell on.  And now maybe, just maybe, he had a reason.

Or Rodimus would have a hyperactive speedster and all of this would have been for naught.  Not that he’d agreed to any of this and not that Starscream had even thought about whether it had been a good idea to offer in the first place and—

Well.  It was done. 

The clicks and chirps, a language he'd been certain he must have forgotten by then, found his voicebox once more.  And they found him alone.  Their names—their real names—left a bitter and remorseful taste on his glossa.  The last time he’d uttered them they had been a true trine.  Before the war.  Before everything.  Back when his berth was full of warmth and love.  Before it became something to fear and then, nearly as bad, a lonely place.  He’d always tire himself out working so he wouldn’t have to face the night alone again.

He missed Skywarp kicking him in his sleep.  He missed Thundercracker’s snoring.  He missed the nights where they fell asleep tangled up together.  Where no one could tell where one seeker began and the other ended.

Closing his optics and banishing his doubt and loneliness, Starscream took a seat before his vanity table.  He cracked open the paint and started with his optics.  Carefully lining them with the coruscating paint and ending them with perfect wings, he weaned himself back into his traditions.  No meanings.  Just make-up.  Something to make him feel pretty and maybe worthy of being a sire.  The initial attraction that would have prospective carriers trying to draw his attention as they displayed. 

Not that Rodimus would care or notice.  And he hadn’t even agreed to it!  Why was he even doing this?

Still… his spark warmed as he found the familiar end of the brush.  It sank some as the unfamiliar end found his plating instead of one of his brother’s.  He’d helped them to doll themselves up to impress their chosen nesting seeker while they returned the favour by preening Starscream.  They wanted him to be desirable to the countless other future sires doing exactly what they were doing.  To bring a tiny life to their trine.

And after everything.  After Skywarp and Thundercracker had wooed and bonded, they’d return home to Starscream, full of his own life, and they would climb into berth together.  They’d surround Starscream almost protectively.  Warming him.  Helping to nurture the new life growing inside of him.  A prick of light just dissimilar enough to be discerned from its carrier’s spark.  A new generation of seekers glowed to life in chests all across their land.  All returned home to their trines.  All going offline in the arms of their trinemates.  All happy to have been able to share such a wonderful experience.

The mirror found him an elegant mech.  The gold around his optics caught the light at even the slightest turn of his helm.  It dazzled in his peripheral vision and made the room glimmer.

From his subconscious, it seemed, came ancient seeker glyphs drawn in gold.  One of the few elements that remained with him.  A usual and expected part of the ceremony, but he’d repeated strength three times over.  Two on his wings where his Decepticon symbols used to reside.  The third tried to hide itself in the gold of his cockpit, but it caught the light just as his make-up did.  On his arms, love and prosperity. 

In his trance filled with memories, he’d missed the small series of glyphs nearly hidden just below his cockpit.  It read free from violence.

The glyphs on his wings and arms had swirling lines of gold wrapping around his plating until it reached the final strength above his spark.  It all lead back to that one glyph.  That single word.  A desperate hope that Starscream hoped he could pass on.

Then he remembered himself.  Remembered him.  This was Rodimus.  Not a seeker.  No matter the pomp and circumstance there was no guarantee this sparkling would even grow wings.  Even if they did, and even if by some miracle their kind returned to their ways, they wouldn’t be seen as a seeker.

Still.  It coaxed him through.

“Starscream?”

Whipping around, clutching at his now racing spark, Starscream shrieked, “Haven’t you heard of knocking?”

“Sorry.  I just…”  Rodimus shifted his weight from one pede to the other.  “It’s weird being alone here, I—”  He stopped.  “Woah.”

“What?”

“Nothing!  Just…”  Rodimus’ optics trailed up and down his frame.  It made his plating prickle.  He couldn’t decide whether it was a good prickle or a bad prickle.  “You look… really pretty.”

Starscream couldn’t stop the pleased lift of his wings.

Rodimus’ mouth curled into a smile and he finally started looking like himself.  “You got dressed up for lil’ ol’ me?”

Starscream rolled his optics.  “What, a mech can’t pretty himself up for no reason?”

“You should do it more often,” Rodimus said. 

Starscream hid his blushing as he started stuffing everything back into their drawers.  He didn’t notice Rodimus had crossed the room until his voice was right by him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“What’s what?”

He turned to find Rodimus holding up the chimes, fascinated as the tinkled faintly.

“Those are delicate!” Starscream snapped as he grabbed them back.  He stood and took a step away, checking them for damage.

“You’re the one not being careful!”

“Well maybe this is a lesson to not just touch another person’s stuff without permission!”

“Hmph.  Well, what are they?” he demanded, still.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“They had clips—are they for your wings?”

“Why does it matter?”

Rodimus shrugged.  “I guess it doesn’t.  I was just curious.  I’ve never seen you wear anything beyond your crown, is all.”

Starscream sighed.  His spark swirled expectantly in his chest.  How, after all these millennia, did it still remember?  Their trine bond had fallen apart so long ago.

“It’s pretty, whatever it is,” Rodimus said.  “I bet it’d look good on you.”

“Everything looks good on me,” Starscream shot back with a smile.

“Then let’s see.” 

With careful movements, to his credit, Rodimus took a hold of one of the clasps.  He didn’t take it back until Starscream’s grip yielded, though.  And he did.  He didn’t know why.  He didn’t want to explain to him what they meant, but seeing them had given him a strange comfort among the grief. 

Starscream held himself stiff as Rodimus circled behind him.  War instincts, among other instincts, had his guard rising significantly.  That, combined with the sensitivity of his wings, had him flinching away from Rodimus’ touch before he could get a clip on.

“Sorry,” Rodimus apologized.

“Not your fault.”

Rodimus rested a steadying hand on the top, now, and to his embarrassment his cooling fans came on.  They were much quieter than most, but there was no sound in the room to cover them up.  He might have called off the whole thing when smugness rolled out of Rodimus’ field, but it was quickly followed by amusement in way of apology.

“Damn, Starscream, I can’t wait to see how you’ll react when I actually do stuff to you.”

“Shut up.”

Rodimus chuckled.  “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

Starscream flushed and was glad the lights were dimmed.  It didn’t help that between every clip Rodimus was trailing his hand along the edge of his wing.  Fragger. 

“There.  And I was right.  They do look pretty on you.”  When Starscream moved and they jingled, he added, “Kinda impractical, though.  Unless you want everyone to hear you coming.”

“It’s not just an accessory you—”  Starscream made an exasperated noise.  “It’s a seeker thing.  An old seeker thing.”

Rodimus continued running his fingertips along his wings.  “What kinda seeker thing?” 

Starscream sighed.  Both from annoyance and pleasure.  “You’re not going to stop, are you?”

Rodimus smiled as he circled around in front of him, no doubt seeing his red face.  “Nope.”

“If you must know,” Starscream crossed his arms, “they’re from my nesting days.”

Rodimus cocked his helm.  “Nesting days?”

“To put it bluntly, it was when we’d put on displays to attract mates and make sparklings.”

Rodimus’ optics widened.

“I’m not implying anything,” Starscream snapped.  He stood and stepped out of Rodimus’ field.  “I was just looking at them.”  The flustered flap of his wings had the chimes jingling violently.  “I was about to put them away when you came in, so—”

“Well, then, get on with it.”

“What?”

Rodimus smirked.  “Win me over.”

Starscream gave him an incredulous look.  “You’re joking.”

He shrugged.  “I mean, kinda, but you’re the one who wants to spark me—”

“Override the coding.”

“—so you gotta prove yourself worthy.”

Starscream growled out a sigh.  “You’re not a seeker and it doesn’t mean anything anymore and there’s much more to it than the display!”

“Then do the other stuff, too.”

Optics widening in exasperation, Starscream went back over to his vanity table.

“Hey, hey I was just teasing,” Rodimus said as he followed him.  He took a gentle hold of his wrist before he could move to take them off.  “I actually think you look really good.  And I… I want to do it.  The overriding thing.  Just… not tonight.”

“Then why are you here?”  Starscream’s array warmed in spite of himself.  His cooling fans spun just a little faster.

Rodimus shrugged.  “To see where this goes.”

Starscream glanced at him out of the corner of his optic.  “Well.  I should still take them off.  They’re delicate.”

“Oh, yeah, okay.”  Rodimus let him go.  “Sorry, I’m…”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Starscream said.  “I did offer.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to just because you said you would.”

Starscream gave him another glance.  “Oh, don’t you worry, I still want to frag you senseless.”  He smirked to himself as Rodimus’ face turned bright red.  While he was flustered, he removed the chimes and returned them to the safety of their box and the drawer.  “If you’re up for it.”

“Yeah,” Rodimus said, slapping on a smirk of his own.  “But it takes a lot to frag the sense out of me.”

“Yes, I imagine you have to find it first.”

“Hey!”

Starscream laughed as he turned his attention back on the gorgeous speedster.  Primus the war must have taken its toll if a wheeled mech could get his motor running.  To think of the scandal this would have caused in Golden Age Vos. 

“Hey, so, um…”  Rodimus’ spoiler tips joined his face in glowing a bashful red.  “Can we just… kiss a bit first?  I, we… I know I don’t have that much time, but I don’t want to rush, and…” 

Starscream smiled as walked back over to Rodimus and saw his mouth quiver into a gentle pucker that he couldn’t resist.  He carefully placed his hands on Rodimus’ waist.  When Rodimus returned the embrace, wrapping his arms around Starscream’s shoulders, he reaffirmed his grip and pulled him close.

“We go at your pace,” Starscream whispered.  “I’m not him.”

“But he didn’t—”  Rodimus sighed.  “Okay.”

Starscream made no attempt to hide his intentions; he stared at Rodimus’ lips.  He, on the other hand, kept his gaze darting between Starscream’s mouth and his optics.  It seemed like an eternity had passed before he finally started to lean in.  Starscream stayed perfectly still until the last moment, where he met Rodimus in the middle.

His lips were too damn soft.  Way too soft for Megatron.  Softer than he deserved. 

That first kiss became the catalyst of many more.  Rodimus’ hand found the back of Starscream’s helm to hold him there as he pulled him along to the berth.  They fell onto it clumsily; a little pain among new blooms of pleasure.  Rodimus paid it no mind.  If anything, his hands grew more fervent.  He paid so much attention to his wings, his fingers following the gold swirls, that Starscream already had trouble keeping his panel closed.

"What are these glyphs?" Rodimus asked, trailing his fingers over the ones on Starscream's arm. "Is this old Cybertronian?"

"In a sense.  It's the seeker equivalent."

"What's this one say?"

Starscream chirped the word, smirking when Rodimus frowned.

"Maybe in Neocybex?" Rodimus suggested.

Starscream shrugged.  "They don't translate well."

"You're a filthy liar."  Rodimus smiled, though. 

He shrugged again and Rodimus pressed said smile to Starscream’s.  After they parted, he kept tracing the glyphs and patterns.  Faraway in his thoughts.

“Can I?  Change my mind?”

“About?”  Starscream lifted an optic ridge.

Rodimus looked off to the side.  “The overriding thing.  I think… I think I wanna do it.  Tonight.  I… I dunno.  You’re right that he’s probably… he’s not coming back.”

“He’s not,” Starscream agreed, “but I want you to be sure.”

Rodimus nodded.  He looked… sweet, when he finally met Starscream’s gaze.  Vulnurable.  “Can I ask you a question first, though?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think I should keep it at all?”

Starscream watched him levelly.  “That’s not my decision to make.”

“If you were me, would you keep it?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“C’mon it’s just a hypothetical.”

Starscream stroked his finial in an oddly caring way.  Rodimus leaned into the touch as if no one had ever done that to him.  He shut his optics tightly, as though he were in pain.  And he was.  In a way.  Damn him!

“I don’t want to sway your decision, even if it is hypothetical.  I’ve laid out my terms.  You have to make this decision for yourself, Rodimus.”

“I know.”

Rodimus let himself fall onto Starscream, his helm on his chest.

“Take Megatron out of the equation.”  Starscream pet his spoiler.  “Imagine you don’t know the sire.  Do you want a sparkling?”

“I mean… I don’t think I’d ever plan for one, but if it happened…”  Rodimus lifted himself up onto his hands and then sat back, avoiding Starscream’s gaze.  He gently touched his still-grey Autobot symbol.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I’d keep it.”

Starscream stroked up Rodimus’ thighs and elicited a shiver from his frame.  “Then I think you have your answer.  Now that that’s sorted out, can we get back to what we were doing?”  His hands continued their journey until they cupped his aft.

Rodimus grinned, looking much more like himself.  “Gladly.”

This time, when Rodimus’ lips found Starscream’s again, there was no trepidation.  Less doubt.  And most importantly, less tension in his frame.  Which meant it arched at every pull of his hands.

Megatron didn’t know what he had.

Starscream rolled them over until he was atop Rodimus.  He lifted his arms above his helm and gave him this strange look that was a mix of lust and wonder with a twinge of trepidation.

Biting his lip as he leaned down over him, he switched to biting at Rodimus’ neck.  Gently.  Still, Rodimus gasped and arched.  An intense wave of lust rolled out through his frame and nearly overrode Starscream’s prompt to open his panels.  He caught it just in time.

“Do you want to frag first or merge?” Starscream asked into his neck.  He kept kissing there.  He couldn’t stop.  Soon enough he wouldn’t be able to deny his frame’s urge to rut into Rodimus. 

“I…” 

Starscream forced himself to sit up when the fear had Rodimus’ plating rattling.

“Are you sure you want this?” Starscream asked gently.

Rodimus closed his optics and nodded.  “It’s what’s best for them.”

“It’s intense.”

“I know.”

“We might see some things we don’t want to relive.”

Rodimus put his hand over his spark.  The searing pain of the past had nearly broken him out of his first bond.

“I know,” Rodimus said more quietly.  He fixed Starscream with as steady a gaze as he was able.  “I’m ready.”

Starscream looked at him a while longer before kissing him once more.  Chastely.  He crawled down a shivering Rodimus’ frame, feeling his optics watching his every move.

Starscream kissed just above Rodimus’ Autobot symbol, and he stiffened, laying back.  He relaxed the more kisses he lay.  He trailed a finger down the nigh imperceptible seam.  Open up, he said through his actions.  He met Rodimus’ optics briefly, and his gaze was stolen by the intense blue-white light of his spark as he revealed it.  Orbiting the brilliant crystal was a tiny nub of light, just barely larger than the tip of a finger.

"There they are," Starscream murmured.  "Such a tiny thing.  Careful, now," he added softly when both spark and sparkling started to race.  "Relax, Rodimus.  You're safe.  I'm not going to hurt you."  He leaned down to kiss Rodimus, feeling the edge of the spark fields prick at his own chest, begging him to come out and play.  "Shh..." he whispered into his lips before stealing another kiss.

"Get to it already."  Rodimus pawed impatiently at Starscream's chest.  "We shouldn't waste time, right?"

"A few minutes won't change anything."  Starscream kissed him again.  Slowly.  “Or a few hours.”  As sadistic as he was, he quite enjoyed how desperate Rodimus became.  How he practically clawed at his chest.  How his lips vibrated and scowled with the growl from deep within his intake.  Every second that passed turned him more primal as he relied on his base coding.  The coding that wanted him to interface and bond as many times as he could.  The same coding determined to give his sparkling the best chance of survival.  The coding Starscream was forcing him to keep in check.

Oh, one little touch couldn't hurt.

Starscream lightly pet the bud and at first it shied away from him.  It knew Starscream wasn’t its sire, but after a minute or so of gentle strokes to its carrier’s spark with no negative reactions, it tested the waters by nudging against his finger.

“I won’t hurt you,” Starscream whispered.

Rodimus’ sparkling nudged up against him, judging him.  When Starscream dipped his hand in further, cupping Rodimus’ spark, it danced fluidly around his fingertips.

"F-frag, that's, that's so weird."

"Should I stop?"  Already Starscream retreated and let his hand come to rest on the berth. 

"No, it's just... I dunno how to describe it.  I feel it, but it's not me feeling it... you know?"

Starscream chuckled.  "Can't say I do."

Rodimus panted, looking at his sparkling with both confusion and love.  It zigzagged around the crystal, no doubt searching for the gentle touch.  Eventually it stopped, seeming to hover at the apex.

“Do it again?” Rodimus requested.

Starscream nodded and then carefully reached in again.  This time, the sparkling seemed to stretch out to meet him, sensing his now-familiar field.  It swirled up and over his fingers, a thin tendril keeping it safely tethered.  In its wake, it left a faint tingle and created a magnificent light show.

“It’s beautiful,” Starscream mused aloud.  He didn’t let on that he wasn’t talking about the sparkling.

“He likes you,” Rodimus said with a wobbly smile.  He sighed and settled comfortably as liquid warmth spread out through his lines.

“He’ll like anyone if his carrier does.”  Starscream smirked, but it was true. 

When Rodimus pursed his lips, looking a little indignant, Starscream leaned down to kiss at the nub of light who flickered happily and did a couple of quick orbits around Rodimus’ spark.  He caught Rodimus’ gaze before closing his optics to do it a few more times, and then once to the surface of his spark.

Rodimus gasped and quivered.

“Good?”

He nodded enthusiastically.

Starscream lay down next to him, briefly removing his hand, but returning once he was settled.  Here, he could watch as Rodimus arched into his touch and watch the light show projected onto the ceiling.

“Hold on.”

Starscream got up out of berth and before Rodimus could ask where he was going, he crossed the room and flicked the lights off, though it wasn’t much different.  Rodimus lit up the room. 

Stopping before the berth, Starscream took in the majesty.  To think of all the beauty he had snuffed—that they’d all snuffed—and for what?  Vos was still gone.  The seekers scattered and broken.  Was anyone truly free?  Had anything changed for the good?

“Starscream?”  Rodimus sat up, bathing Starscream in his sparklight until he practically glowed.  “You okay?”

Starscream nodded.  “Fine.”

One of the last vestiges of Vos eclipsed one of the last Nyonians.  They’d both lost their homes.  Their entire world.

They really were two sides of the same coin.

Starscream kissed him deeply.  He pressed Rodimus’ frame into his berth and added his own light to him.  The sight had Rodimus freezing for a moment before relaxing in his arms.

“You’re sure you want this?” Starscream murmured. 

Rodimus nodded and met his gaze.  “If you’ll take care of them.”  He pet his sparkling, who excitedly followed his every movement. 

“Everything you need,” Starscream promised.

Rodimus gently tugged at Starscream.  “Then what are you waiting for?”

Starscream swallowed as Rodimus’ gravity pulled him in.  Their sparks shifted forward ever so slightly, growing oblong as the neared.  The sparkling pulled and threatened to disconnected as tendrils of fluid light reached out and made first contact.  Each little flash had both bots gasping.

Too late to change his mind, Starscream inched forward and moaned when he felt the first proper touch of their sparks.  In the background, seeming so far away, Rodimus clawed at his back.  He whimpered with relief as their coronas meshed and tugged and tugged until!—

They became one.

Chapter Text

A wide expanse of land lay below a cliff where Starscream stood, his pedes tips just slightly over the edge.  He felt on top of the world.  He felt like he actually was on top.  Of his life—of everything.  What could a bot order a seeker to do atop a cliff?  He could just fly away, or even push them off of the cliff.

Starscream snickered to himself.

“What’s so funny?”

That voice.

Starscream turned, fear alight in his spark, but it was okay.  He could fly away.  He could get away this time.  But the face that greeted him was not one of scorn and thinly veiled rage, but one of a soft smile and caring red optics.  A Megatron he hadn’t seen in eons.  Not while he was looking at him, anyways.

“Oh… just thinking about things,” Starscream said cautiously, though his barrier had already fallen.  He didn’t really remember having it up to begin with.

“It’s still such a beautiful view,” Megatron said as he came up beside Starscream.  “Though…”  His arm snaked around his waist, and though Starscream’s first instinct was to flee, he didn’t.  In fact, he leaned into the touch.  “… not as beautiful as you.”

Starscream smiled wide and hugged himself closer.

“Starscream… I wanted to tell you something,” Megatron said, trepidation in his voice.

“Oh?”

“I’m not… I’m not who you think I am.”

Starscream pulled away from Megatron, but only went so far as to be able to see his face.  “What is it?”

Megatron lifted one of Starscream’s hands to his face and kissed it gently, lingering as he gathered his thoughts.  He told Starscream about the deaths.  About the blood on his hands.  About what he had to do for the good of the fledgling Decepticons.  Remorse came through clearly in his words, and yet he made a point to add how all of this was necessary. 

“Good,” Starscream said once he’d finished his story.

“What?”

“Let’s tear down the Senate,” Starscream said almost gleefully.  “They’ve made it abundantly clear that they don’t give a slag whether we live or die.  And since they won’t listen to reason, it’s time to use force.”

Megatron looked shocked for a moment, and then his mouth twisted into a grin of itself.  “I knew you would understand.  And I have something for you.  A title, and… something that I can only make for you once you give a part of yourself to me.”

“Oh?”  Starscream’s optic ridge popped up with intrigue.

“Starscream of Vos,” his name rolled off of Megatron’s glossa with lust, “second-in-command of the Decepticons.  But, it cannot be truly official until I give you your badge.”

As the sun set on the horizon and the stars peeked out of the inky blackness, Starscream made his own light.  The lumbering shadow of Megatron tearing into his chest spilt across the landscape. 

“We will rule together, you and I,” Megatron murmured, though he couldn’t be heard over Starscream’s cries of pain.  “My perfect conjunx.”

Starscream came to, or at least partially.  His processor still floated in the clouds, but he felt the distinct difference in the hands on his frame, and the searing pain in his chest morphed into something almost as pleasurable.  Almost.

“Woah.”  Rodimus blinked so fast he had to shut his optics and reset them.  “Uh, that was kind of fucked up.”

“It was the perfect courtship,” Starscream said wistfully.  His gaze was far-off and he seemed to look right through Rodimus.  “We made love at the edge of that cliff.  My spark burned when we bonded and ached for months afterwards, but it was worth it.  It was all worth it.”  His smile faded.

“… Was it?”

Starscream’s optics grew hazy.  A mix of wistfulness and grief overwhelmed them and Rodimus felt the bud drift away from Starscream’s spark.

“We were happy,” Starscream whispered.  “Were.  It’s just what he does.  He makes you happy until he doesn’t.”

“But we—”

“Whatever he used to do doesn’t matter!” Starscream snapped.  His field flared out and startled Rodimus’ sparkling to the back of his casing.  Calming himself down for their sake, he said more quietly, “He’s gone.  He did what he did, and he’s gone.  We—you can’t keep living your life for him.”

“I’m not, I’m just… frag, Starscream, this just happened!”

Rodimus’ sadness seeped through them both.  They missed him.  Both of them.

Starscream pushed that feeling out.  “Stop thinking about yourself.  How is your sparkling going to feel if you’re pining after someone they don’t even know?”

“I loved him!  I can’t just shake that off!”

“He didn’t love you.”

“What do you know?  Because he obviously didn’t love you!”

Starscream scoffed.  “I know him better than you.  That’s not a good thing, by the way, but he can’t love anyone.”

Rodimus grit his denta.

“Ah, ah.  It’s not good for the sparkling.”

“Neither are bad memories!”

“Oh, Rodimus.”  Starscream shook his helm lightly.  “Don’t you see?  That was good.  Do you want to see what he did to me when he didn’t love me?”

Before Rodimus could accept or protest, Starscream flung them back in.  Back to a time where Megatron laid hands on him.  Rough hands.  Not quite punches yet, oh no.  Lord Megatron would never harm his conjunx.  His brilliant second-in-command.  But he would yank him along until his shoulder threatened to disconnect.  He’d trap him so he couldn’t escape and berate him.  Loudly.  Still not in front of others.  Not yet.  But Starscream’s audials would ring and his spark would ache and then confusion would consume him when later that same day he would corner him again.  This time, though, it was to press him up against a wall and kiss him.  Still rough.  He never asked if he wanted it.  And a lot of the time, he didn’t.  Not anymore.

Every touch left marks on his plating.  Every biting remark left unseen scars.  He pushed and he pushed and he pushed, and it only got worse when Starscream pushed back.

Suddenly, Megatron had a reason to beat him in public.  His conjunx?  No.  An example.  An example for what will happen to insubordination.  To anyone who challenges his leadership, and consequently, the Decepticon cause. 

Through Starscream’s painful gaze, they watched as he focused on his trinemates.  He pleaded with them to help him.  Did their trine bond mean nothing?  At first, they turned away.  They couldn’t watch.  But as the years stretched out and their war seemed endless, they would watch as the others would; fearfully, or with crossed arms and nonchalance.  That all depended on whether they had reason to fear being in his position.

And still, whenever the mood struck him, Starscream was there to please him.  He stopped fighting it.  If Megatron felt merciful, and he often wasn’t, a good night of fragging might make him more complacent.  Some days he would be lucky to receive only a glare and some sharp words.  Some days he even warmed him up.  Kissed him.  Told him he was beautiful.  But as time went on and Megatron began to bore of him, he—

Rodimus yanked them back out, rolling them over.  Trying to protect him.  His arms wrapped tightly around Starscream as he whispered, “Stop,” over and over.  When he caught Starscream’s gaze, he added, “Please.”

The tiny lump of sparkling had fled to the back of Rodimus’ spark as Starscream’s crackled with anger, nearly completely separated from its counterpart.

“It gets worse,” Starscream warned.

Rodimus shook his helm.  “I don’t want to see it.”

“Yeah?  Well I didn’t want to live it.”

The warm embrace of sympathy engulfed Starscream.

“I’m so sorry,” Rodimus whispered.  It was all he said.  All he could say.  He wanted to apologize for making him relive it all.  For being with the mech who brought him so much pain.  Someone like Megatron was beyond redemption, and a few years co-captaining in close quarters wouldn’t change that.

“I’m not blaming you,” Starscream said levelly.  “He’s annoyingly charming.  For Primus’ sake the mech tried to kill you and still managed to steal your spark.  He’s manipulative.  It’s what he does.”

“He didn’t manipulate me!” Rodimus shrieked.  His bitlet let out a shower of sparks and called both of their attention.  After taking a few deep ventilations, he said much more calmly, “He left, but it’s not like we had something unhealthy.  He was always checking in on me.  He didn’t want us to be together in the first place.  ‘Cause he knew.  We both knew.  I just… figured we had more time.”

“Stop lamenting.  He’s gone.”

“I know.”  Rodimus shut his optics and bit his lip.  “But he did love me.”

Starscream felt the pull of more memories as their sparks rejoined.  He didn’t want to see their happy memories any more than Rodimus wanted to see his bitter ones.  In the end he was simply too tired to fight it.

He succumbed to him.  It seemed all he could do was submit.

“Rodimus?” Megatron asked from the doorway.

“Hey.”  Starscream, watching from inside of Rodimus, practically skipped to him, taking a hold of his hand and pulling him inside his room.  A hand that held his back gently.  Gently.  “You ready?”

“Are you?”  Megatron looked like he was in pain.

“So ready.”  Rodimus stretched onto the fore of his pedes, and their shared vision momentarily went black as he pressed a kiss to waiting lips.  Lips happy to kiss him back.  Lips that he didn’t fear were hiding all manner of belittlement behind those sharp fangs.  When his optics blinked back open and gazed lovingly at Megatron’s face, he said, “I’m ready to be yours.”

No, you’re not, Starscream protested.  You don’t want to be his.

The past Rodimus paid him no mind, but in the present Rodimus’ spark flared with a mix of sorrow and longing. 

After some weak protesting from Megatron, Rodimus managed to lead him to the berth, where his strangely gentle hands found him again, and where no fear blossomed even when Megatron got on top.  If anything, Rodimus pulled him in giddily.  He tried to tug him closer.  Kiss him longer.

Don’t let him in.

Megatron smiled at him lovingly.  His field enveloped him with adoration and safety and he actually did feel like that.  He felt safe.  Beneath Megatron.  He didn’t fear his hands on his frame.  If his fangs met with metalmesh, it was to enhance his pleasure and not a show of force.  He moaned when the sharp points dug into his neck. 

“I love you,” Rodimus whispered.

Kissing at lines coursing with scalding energon, he rumbled, from deep within his chest, “I love you, too.”

He can’t.

A twinge of annoyance momentarily drained the memory of its colour.  When it returned, Rodimus had opened his valve cover, asking quietly, “Can we?  First?”

“Anything for you, my Sun.”

It won’t last.

Despite Starscream’s commentary, Megatron was nothing but gentle as he slowly rocked into Rodimus.  Careful with every movement.  Love thick in his field as he watched Rodimus come undone.

Arching off of the berth, Rodimus dug his fingers into Megatron’s back.  He cracked open his optics to find Megatron watching him.  He felt vulnerable.  Seen.  He almost wanted him to stop, but… he was smiling.  It was the smile Rodimus adored.  The one he wanted to see so much more, but then it wouldn’t be as special.

Suddenly, the mood shifted.  Megatron’s face turned angry and yet indifferent.  The warm darkness turned cold and the pleasure abruptly switched to fear and pain.  They still clawed at Megatron’s frame, but it was from holding on.  That, and subtly trying to inflict some pain back. 

Starscream’s ventilations grew laboured.  He turned his helm from side to side, optics wide, trying to escape.  Escape.

“Starscream!”

He heard his name.  Who said that?  Not Megatron.  He was grunting and growling. 

Just survive it.  He’s done worse.

He spread his legs further.  It didn’t help with the pain, but at least Megatron made a pleasured noise.

Just do what he wants.

“Starscream!”

The pain moved to his chest and Starscream gasped as the face before him turned concerned and youthful.  Rodimus’ optics frantically searched his gaze and when he saw him return from the past, he ventilated a sigh of relief and hugged himself to Starscream.

“I’m so sorry,” he said into his neck cables.  “I didn’t know, I… I mean I did, but not like that.  I… Primus, take him away.”

The warmth in his chest crackled.

“It’s over,” Starscream said quietly, resigned. 

Rodimus kissed him with trembling lips.

“I’m used to it,” Starscream said, annoyance creeping into his tone.

“You shouldn’t be.”  His optics searched his face, distraught.  “No one deserves that.”

“I know.”  Starscream touched Rodimus’ cheek.  “I shouldn’t have succumbed to the memory.”

Rodimus shook his helm.  “It was my fault.”

“No.  It was his.”

“I still shouldn’t have—”

“Rodimus.”  Starscream sighed.  “I don’t fault you for being with him.  I’m sure you got to see a much better side.  I’m more than what he did to me.  I know that now.”

“How are you so calm?”

“I’m sorry, do you want me to cry?  Do you want me to whimper and say ‘woe is me’?  Should I let that bastard ruin my present, too?”

“Well, no, but—”

“I knew this could happen.  I admit I…”  He shut his optics, pushing the recent memory from his processor.  “I could have handled that better.”

“Primus, Starscream, you didn’t do anything wrong!”

Starscream stared at him blankly.  Like he was staring through him.

Not knowing what to do, Rodimus stroked Starscream’s cheek and just stayed in the moment with him.  Slowly, their shared sparkbeat calmed and the nub swirling them settled, too, keeping a steady orbit.  The crackling turned to a prickle which faded.  Everything stilled.  The quiet night embraced them.

“Can I kiss you?” Rodimus asked.

Starscream’s optics focused.  He nodded minutely.

Rodimus hesitated a moment longer before tentatively touching his lips to Starscream’s.  A gentle kiss.  Everything Megatron wasn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Rodimus whispered.  “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“I’m so—”

“The point of this is to forget about him.  Stop dwelling.”

A flash of yearning rushed out through their combined form.  Shortly after, regret. 

“I don’t know if I can,” Rodimus admitted, barely audible.

Starscream sighed.  It was so drawn out Rodimus actually had to press himself closer as his chest deflated.

“I’m sorry.”  Rodimus sounded like a broken record at this point.  Starscream didn’t say anything to this apology because he seemed hellbent on blaming himself.

“There’s going to be more,” he warned.

Rodimus hugged him tighter. 

“Every connection just leads back to him,” Starscream whispered his thoughts aloud.  Not like it mattered.  Rodimus could see it all, if he wanted to.  “It’s all we have.”

“I don’t know what to do.” 

Starscream kissed the top of his helm in a strangely caring way.  He stroked his spoiler as though he were the one who needed to be cared for.  And maybe he did.  His pain was still fresh.

The bond pulled at them again, and neither could fight it.  Beyond their control, a new memory surfaced. 

Back on the Lost Light.  But this time, Rodimus faced a much more familiar Megatron.

A cold anger seethed just below Megatron’s plating.  “What were you thinking?”

Rodimus shrugged, crossing his arms.  His spark raced and burned in his chest. 

“No one can know!”

“Why not?” Rodimus shouted.  “What, are you embarrassed by me?

Megatron growled frustratedly and rolled his optics.  “Hardly.  I want to protect you.  You shouldn’t be with me.”  He sighed.  “I want nothing more than to let the world know that you’re mine.”

Possessive bastard. 

Rodimus gave no input.  No reaction.

“Then do it!  This is killing me!  I can’t even hold your hand or sleep beside you or kiss you good morning and you don’t even care!”

“We can’t.  I know you know this.  And besides, it’s not professional.”

Rodimus hugged himself.  “I don’t even feel like we’re in a relationship.  We kiss like, what, once a week?  Maybe?  I can’t even remember the last time we fragged.  I just feel like you don’t actually want to be with me but I love you and I want—” 

His optics widened when he realized what he’d said.  Megatron’s did, too.

Trying to play it off, Rodimus continued.  “Can we at least plan some more time together?  Can you come over tonight?  We don’t work tomorrow.”

“No.”

“But—"

“This conversation is over.”

Megatron left.  Rodimus felt frozen to the spot.

“Rodimus.”  Starscream gently touched his cheek.  His optics were wide and stared right through him.  “It’s just a memory.  You’re here.  You’re safe.”

It took a kiss to his cheek to bring him back to reality.  Rodimus blinked rapidly, confusion making his spark ache when Starscream, not Megatron, lay below him.

Rodimus looked away.

“How often did he do that?” Starscream asked as gently as possible.  It was hard when he was seething with rage.  Megatron would never change.  He just got better at hiding it.

Rodimus shook his helm.  “It was just that one time,” he said.  “I just stopped trying to do anything around other people.”

“So, he manipulated you?”

“No!  He!—you don’t know what you’re talking about!”

The next dive into memories had Starscream at the helm, pulling Rodimus along.  A montage of arguments, ended by Megatron walking out and Starscream never bringing it up again played like a horror movie.  Rodimus’ tank twisted, but Starscream watched, unfazed.

“He still did it,” Starscream murmured.  “Once is enough.”

“He just… he didn’t want me to live with the baggage.”

“And it worked out,” Starscream said.  “But what if he had stayed?  Would you have been alright with it all being a secret?  What would happen to your sparkling?  Would he force you to get rid of it?”

“No!  He wouldn’t!”

“Are you sure?”

Rodimus grit his denta.  He looked about ready to unleash hell upon Starscream, but he didn’t.  He deflated.  His spoiler drooped. 

Starscream tucked his helm into the crook of his neck.  “The Megatron I know would have made me get rid of it,” he said.  “Maybe yours wouldn’t.  We won’t know.  All we know is what he has done, and that was abandon you.  After he told you he would be back.  He lied to you.”

The freshest of all the memories shared came next.  Its image was nearly crystal clear.  As though Starscream were right in front of Megatron.  An… an angry Megatron.  But he had his Autobot symbol.  What…?

Megatron was pointing at him and yelling, and his throat burned as he yelled back.

As Rodimus yelled back.

And there was something in the way his spark ached beneath the burning rage.  From regret.  From remembering just who he fell for.  For realizing how much of an idiot he was for being in too deep.

They had to get back.  Retake the ship.  But deep down, way down, he knew that bringing Megatron back would be his end.  His only chance at life was staying here, but that couldn’t be.  That couldn’t be, and he couldn’t even entertain the idea at being okay with that because no one knew they were conjunx.

The stress of it all.  The pain.  It all came out in one big, messy argument that hid all manner of grievances beneath the obvious ones.

Rodimus pulled them back.

“But…”  For a few moments of silence, Rodimus tried to find a defense.  He was always defending him.

“That was wrong.  There’s no defending that.  And I get it.  I do.  When we were happy, I…”  A flash of smiles and kisses and warm nights flooded their shared consciousness.  “And it was never all bad.  There were good days.  Great days.  But even if they outweighed the bad, that still doesn’t make what he did right.  Rodimus… it took a lot for me to accept that it wasn’t my fault.  And just because you were never ‘as bad’ doesn’t matter.  He’s charming.  He has a silver tongue.  He started a revolution for Primus’ sake.  You don’t just blindly follow someone if you don’t believe what you’re doing is right.  You don’t fall in love with someone who hurts you.  They slowly show that side after they’ve won you over.”

Rodimus shook.  Starscream felt something wet trickle down his neck.  When he shifted, he caught the sight of twin coolant streams running down a crumpled face.

“It’s not your fault,” Starscream repeated, tucking him back against him as his sobs grew audible. “It’s not your fault.”

They stayed like that for some time, drifting in and out of the bond.  They tried to be spectators.  Tried to watch this as though it were a movie and didn’t truly affect them.  They wanted to feel for these “characters”, but when all was said and done, they didn’t have to deal with the repercussions. 

If only.

Starscream numbed himself; a familiar existence.  Even as Rodimus tried to bring him back, he just stared, dully, as another moment of Megatron’s wrath flashed by.

“I’m sorry,” Rodimus whispered.  A new tear rolled down his cheek.  “I guess I always kind of blamed you for…”  He touched his forehelm to Starscream’s.  “It was all him.”

It all came to an unremarkable end.  What was supposed to be “the overload of the frame” left the pair feeling empty and exhausted.  It wasn’t bad, but… they’d certainly had better. 

Still.  It came with everything a fresh bond afforded.  When fingertips would brush a cheek, the one receiving the touch already felt the arm move.  Their private thoughts were no longer private.  Every worry and insecurity came to light, but in a way it was good. 

“Someone can still love you,” Rodimus murmured.  “You’re not broken.”

“I know!” Starscream shrieked.  He turned his reddening face away.

“And you won’t turn out like him.  That I know for sure.”

Starscream clenched his fists.  He shifted Rodimus off of him and turned his back to him even though his spark cried out at the distance.  The minimal distance.  Primus, how did he survive this the first time?

“Hey.  C’mon back.”  Rodimus gently pulled at his waist.  “I know you want to.  And I know that you can see that I want it, too, so just let yourself do it.”

A twinge of worry from Rodimus had Starscream turning his helm back.

“You are enough,” he whispered.  “Your worth isn’t determined by someone else.”

“C’mon, Star, don’t, just… just hold me, ‘kay?”

There was no point fighting it.  The bond necessitated a certain closeness for a while.  Just until their sparks settled and got re-accustomed to being on their own.  But they never would be.  Not really.  Not anymore.

Rodimus kissed him.  He kissed him and pulled him closer and before he knew it Starscream was over him.  Over him, and between his legs.

Please.  The way Rodimus bit his lip and looked away, sheepish, let Starscream know he hadn’t meant him to hear that.

They shouldn’t.  Starscream knew they shouldn’t.  They’d both used interfacing like currency and emotions were high and the bond would make them do stupid things.  But even knowing that, and with Rodimus seeing his trepidation, the reason, and also knowing they shouldn’t, their panels snapped open and their limbs tangled up together.

In the moment, it was good.  Better than good.  The bond gave them a strange double feeling and Rodimus moaned loudly in his audial.

Their sparks spurred them on and then Rodimus even more so.  He wrapped his legs around Starscream’s hips and mouthed incoherently against whatever bit of plating happened to pass his lips.

“More, more, oh, please, more Starscream it’s so good.”

When Rodimus’ legs started to slip, Starscream got his hands on his thighs and all but folded him in half.  He slammed home again and again and again and Rodimus cried out his name. 

It was everything he imagined a night with someone like him would be.  Fast, rough, and hot as hell.  He felt himself getting close when the memory creep started.

At first, he blinked and nearly missed it.  His own face.  Staring up at himself from the sheets, fear and pain alight in his optics.  He passed it off as a trick of the light, but then—

“Please,” he begged himself.  “You’re hurting me.”

“What?  I—”

“Starscream?”

The next past among the present had Starscream living up to his namesake.

The Starscream beneath him screamed.

Starscream finished quickly.  He felt empty and alone and scared as he fed Rodimus’ frame the transfluid it desired, and then he rolled off of him and ventilated hard.  He kept his helm turned away, but he felt Rodimus’ hand breach his field and he held his ventilations until it retreated.  He felt Rodimus breach his consciousness.  He considered shutting him out, but was too tired to do that or to explain.

Rodimus pulled away both mentally and physically.

“Goodnight, Starscream,” Rodimus whispered.

Starscream said nothing in return.  He shut his optics, but his spark still raced and his ventilations wouldn’t calm like Rodimus’ had.  He gripped the sheets hard, and even with the soft buffer his claws still dug into his palm.

Eventually, he found fitful sleep.  Megatrons of all shapes and sizes haunted him.  Megatrons of all temperaments, too. 

His, Megatron.  The one that he kept close to his spark.  The one he couldn’t let go no matter how many years proving himself to be anything but that passed.  The one that, despite everything, despite what he knew could no longer be, hoped lived somewhere in that old spark of his.  In that new frame.  The one frame that had never laid a hand on his.

The one he knew best.  The one everyone knew best.  The one who had tainted and molded him.  The one who, even here in his very berth, controlled him.  The Megatron who had wounded both broken mechs lying there.  The one who had nearly added them to his field; lost among the millions of identical flowers.

And then there was Rodimus’ Megatron.  One so foreign to him he couldn’t believe they were of the same spark.  A pacifist Megatron.  An atoning Megatron.  As if genocide could ever be atoned for.  As if he shouldn’t have been struck down or left to rot in some Primus-forsaken prison for the rest of his seemingly endless life.

As if Starscream didn’t deserve the same.

He rolled over to face Rodimus, and found the pale light of dawn bleeding up into the sky.  Just enough light to give the room shape. 

Rodimus slumbered peacefully.  It was as if a mirror were between them, but instead of a normal reflection, it showed the past.  Who he used to be.  Young and rebellious and trying to do what was right for him and stupidly falling in love with the wrong bot. 

He hoped what he’d given had been enough.  At least to rid his bright spark of him.

“Hey,” Starscream whispered, his optics on Rodimus’ chest.  Right where his Autobot symbol still proudly sat.  A symbol he could still wear and celebrate. 

Starscream rested a gentle hand over it, and he felt their sparkling’s warmth as it danced forward to meet its sire.  They’d done it, alright. 

“Don’t turn out like me,” he whispered to them.  “Or him, for that matter.  Or…”  Megatron’s face flashed through his processor.  No.  He’d gotten rid of him.  “Don’t let us be your role models.  Be better.  Do better.”

The sparkling didn’t move.

“You don’t have to change the world.  Just live.  Be happy.  I’ll give you everything you need.”

Starscream’s optic covers sagged despite the growing light on the horizon.  He blinked lazily, and each successive blink kept his optics shuttered a moment longer, until they stayed closed.  Recharge finally claimed him, and in it he found his only peace in life, and his new sparkling hummed appreciatively beneath his palm.

Chapter Text

Rodimus blinked his optics open, shielding them as the sun’s rays found them and confusion overcame his bleary processor.  A helmache suddenly made itself known, and his spark cried out in a similar pain, though much duller.  He held his chest as he sat up, and felt the incessant pulse of his sparkling at the forefront of his spark casing.  Right where the ache sat.

“What do you need?” Rodimus asked groggily.  “Energon?”

He tried to think back to that quick web search he’d done.  Literally hiding away in a closet so no one would know what he was doing.  He hadn’t found much; Ultra Magnus found him after about a minute to complain about some minor infraction, but what he had learned was that a sparkling would increase his energon consumption.  So… maybe they were hungry?

He turned his helm, and found the berth empty.

“Starscream?” he called out.

No answer.

“Do we go snooping?” he asked his chest.  The throb said yes.  “Okay, where do you think he keeps his personal store?  It’s gotta be hidden away here somewhere, right?”

The throb continued.  It pulled him forward and out of berth. 

“Chill out.  I’ll find us something.”

Though, in such a barren room with little more than a berth, a full-length mirror he avoided like the cybonic plague, and a vanity table, where would Starscream even stash energon?  He’d bet shanix that there was a hidden compartment somewhere in here with engex, but regular energon?  Stuff suitable for a sparked mech to consume?  Probably not, now that he thought about it.

“At least I don’t have to be alone anymore,” Rodimus murmured to the insistent pull in his chest.  “And I’ve got you to be my alibi when Starscream finds me tearing apart his cabinets.”

Rodimus felt a new tug on his spark before he heard him speak.

“Morning,” Starscream said groggily. 

Rodimus turned around quickly to find a half-asleep Starscream dragging his pedes through the berthroom doorway.  Before he had time to reply, he wrapped his arms around Rodimus’ waist.  He burrowed his face into the crook of his neck and kissed the sensitive metal.

“Morning.”  Confliction had Rodimus frozen.

“Feeling okay?”

“Hungry as hell, but yeah, I guess.”  His tank still cramped and his spark still throbbed, though less painfully than before.  Starscream’s embrace seemed to have cured his helmache somehow.  Even with his voice the way it was.  Though right then, close enough to whisper, his voice sat deep in his chest and rumbled out smoothly.

Okay, he must be tired if he was thinking that Starscream’s voice sounded nice.

“I’ll get you something to drink,” Starscream murmured sweetly of all things.  “Go back to berth. I’ll join you soon.”

“I’m already up.”

“Didn’t say we’d be getting more recharge.”  Starscream smiled clumsily against him. 

Rodimus’ cheeks warmed.  “Oh, uh… okay.”

With a gentle kiss to Rodimus’ jawline, Starscream made his way back down the stairs, and the aches returned.  Most prominently, the little bitlet gave him hell.

“Stop it, you,” Rodimus gently chastised it.  “He’ll be right back.  Why do you even care?”

Without an answer, Rodimus returned to the gentle cradle that was Starscream’s berth.  While his sparkling still nagged at him his sore frame sighed with relief among the plushness.  Plushness he’d soon be sharing with Starscream, again.  Something he found himself looking forward to.

Starscream returned shortly, energon in hand.  More than Rodimus would have gotten for himself.

“Have you increased your rations at all?” Starscream asked.

“Haven’t had the chance to.”

Starscream made a disapproving noise.  “Two doses every morning.  At minimum.  Don’t ignore when you get hungry, because you’ll burn through your energon faster.  I’ve got plenty in my pantry so take some when you need it.”

Rodimus nodded even though he’d tuned out after the first few words.

“Here,” Starscream handed him one dose, “for each one you finish I’ll give you a kiss.”

“Is that supposed to be a reward?”

Starscream lifted an optic ridge with a smirk.  “Isn’t it?”

Rodimus started drinking and finished quickly.  The sparkling kept pulsing and he hoped the answer lay in the next dose.

“Slow down, hot shot,” Starscream said.  “Don’t you want your kiss?”

Starscream got into berth with him.  Microns from him, a new insatiable force drove his frame to get as close as physically possible.  The kiss he’d been promised lasted for much longer than anticipated, and came with the added bonus of finial caresses.  Rodimus was just about ready to snap open his panels and let Starscream do whatever he wanted with him, when he relieved him of the empty glass and handed him the next full one.

“One more,” Starscream said.  His optics sparkled with mischief; the only thing keeping the lust at bay.  “Then you get one more kiss.”

Rodimus drank the next dose embarrassingly fast.  While he drank, Starscream lewdly kissed his neck with the same hunger in his half-shuttered optics, as if he intended to quench himself by sucking the energon from his supple neck.

Once he was finished, he chucked the glass away, and neither of the bots in the berth cared where it landed or if it broke.  A muddled haze cloaked them.  Hungry.  Want.  Need.

Hands roamed.  They touched everywhere.  No part of carrier nor sire was left unloved.  And though separate, their sparks beat as one.  Connected thinly through the tiny nub of light that brought them together.

“Open up,” Starscream whispered to Rodimus’ closed chest.  He obeyed without a second thought in this strange world they’d created.  A world where Starscream’s lips on his spark felt heaven-sent, and his fingers caressed lines of flames along his cheek and collar.

“Oh, frag, don’t stop.”  Rodimus clawed at his back and wings, pulling a moan from Starscream in tandem with his own.

“And good morning to you, little one,” Starscream murmured.  He kissed his spark again, and Rodimus got that same kind-of-feeling-but-not-really feeling.  “Energetic aren’t they?  They’re sure to be strong.”

Rodimus swallowed the discomfort that bubbled up.  He didn’t feel like he could match the tired lust in Starscream’s field anymore.  Not with the sparkling “watching.”

“It’s not like they know what’s going on,” Starscream said.

“What?”

Starscream chuckled.  “Your thoughts are loud.”

Before the question could formulate in his processor, he heard Starscream, but his lips didn’t move.  How quickly you forget what bonding means.

“Megatron never intruded,” Rodimus said.  Not quite venomous, but definitely acidic.

“I’m not Megatron.  And it’s hard not to intrude when you’re practically yelling.  Now relax.  Our sparkling is nothing but energy and impulses.  Bonding, fragging, it’s all good for them.  A loved sparkling has a better chance at survival.”  Starscream kissed his spark again, and their sparkling, apparently, since he only really felt half of his lips.  “So relax and enjoy.”

Rodimus shivered and closed his optics and tried not to think about how conflicted he felt about hearing him say “our sparkling.”  Not when he could hear him.  He also tried to not let the memories of the last bot to touch his spark creep in, but no matter what he tried to think about or how much he tried to lose himself in the wonderful feeling, they showed up.  It was only once he’d numbed himself that his processor became a blank slate.

Starscream paused.  His optics locked onto Rodimus’.  Through the thick fog in his processor, Rodimus found clarity in that one moment.  In ruby red optics.  Megatron was nothing more than a distant memory as his new spark’s claim looked at him.  Really looked at him.

He felt vulnerable. 

“Are you ready, Prime?” Starscream whispered.

Rodimus nodded, unable to look away.  Even as Starscream’s chest opened and he stooped down to kiss him as their sparks joined with ease, he kept his optics open.  He watched his new lover from this close-up.  He saw how, for the very first time, Starscream looked at peace.

He let his optic covers gently flutter closed.

When Rodimus opened his optics again, he was back on the Lost Light.  He sat up in his familiar berth, and it smelled like—oh… it smelled like home.  And home smelled a lot like—

“Do you always lollygag in berth?”

Rodimus looked up sharply, subconsciously pulling the sheets up around himself when he found Starscream leaning against the doorframe.

“What are you doing here?”

Starscream shook his helm and rolled his optics.  “None of this is real, Rodimus.”  The tenderness in his voice surprised him.  Rodimus slowly dropped his arms as Starscream approached.  “Though I’m not surprised we’re here.”  He held his hand out to him.

Rodimus took it without question. 

“C’mon.  I’m afraid of who might show up if we stay here too long.” 

The edge in Starscream’s voice dulled the rosy glow of his room.  The only home he’d known since Nyon had burned.  The gentle hold of his hand migrated to a hard grip on his wrist as he was dragged along.  Starscream lead him out into the hall, and the further they went the more it warped, twisting and blurring until it was just swirls of colours.  He shook himself free from Starscream’s grip, and a moment later the seeker vanished from view.

“Starscream?”

Silence.

“Starscream!”

“Follow my voice,” Starscream said gently.

“What?  Where’d you go?”

“Just follow me,” Starscream said with as much of an edge as an exhausted mech could give their voice.  “Close your optics.  You’ll find me.”

Rodimus relented with a shaky ventilation, shutting his optics.  Without his sight, his spark could yell louder, and he felt the pull of Starscream’s energy.  He tread lightly down what remained of the hallway, and soon his pedes paddled in something that felt nearly as light as air.  He found Starscream surrounded by a haze of warm darkness, and he took a hold of his hand and pulled him so Rodimus’ back was against his chest.

“Where are we?” Rodimus asked.

Starscream shrugged.  “The subconscious I guess?  I don’t know.  I just know it’s better than memory swapping.”

“Yeah,” Rodimus agreed. 

Though this place felt like a warm embrace on all sides, Starscream’s embrace felt warmer still.  And safer, strangely. 

“Comfortable?” Starscream asked.

Rodimus nodded.

“Good.”  He nuzzled into the crook of Rodimus’ neck and sighed.  He kissed at the sensitive metal, and Rodimus stifled a shiver.  Especially as Starscream’s hands began to roam.  “I’d forgotten,” he whispered.

Rodimus shut his optics as he reveled in the touch.  The closeness.  “Forgotten what?”

“How attached you get.”

“Oh…”

“You feel it, too?”  Starscream sounded a little desperate.

“Yeah.  It hurts.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s gonna be hard once I go back to the Lost Light, huh?”

Starscream said nothing to that.

“So, uh… you come here often?” Rodimus joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“I prefer the silence here,” Starscream murmured.  Rodimus felt offended for a moment, but then he went on.  “It’s one of the few places you can just be.  We don’t have to answer to anyone here.  Nothing exists beyond us.  So… I don’t want to talk.”

“Oh… okay.”

Rodimus bit his lip.  He had so many questions.  A lot of them pertained to Megatron, so… maybe that’s why he didn’t want him talking.

But… if he had been here with him, why hadn’t Megatron ever shown him this place?  They’d only bonded a handful of times, but… they didn’t have a lot of shared happy memories to bond over.  More often than not his processor found its way back to that time he’d found himself at the wrong end of Megatron’s fusion cannon.  The day he’d almost killed him.

The day the Matrix saved him.

“Can I take you out?” Rodimus asked.

“I said ‘no talking.’”

Rodimus shrugged.  “Silence makes me antsy.”

Starscream growled quietly and Rodimus could practically feel his optic-roll.  “And where would the Great Rodimus Prime take the exulted leader of Cybertron?”

Rodimus nuzzled back against Starscream.  “What do you like to do for fun?”

“Lately?”  Starscream smirked against his neck.  “You.”

Rodimus scoffed.  “Shut up.  I’m serious.”

“Why?”

“What?”

Starscream swallowed, and his voice came out strained.  “Why?”

“Why go out with me?”

Starscream shrugged.

“Uh, pretty sure ‘knocking someone up’ is a pretty good reason.”

Starscream ventilated deeply, barely suppressing a shudder.  “I’m not sure I could keep my hands off of you.”

Rodimus shrugged.  “Doesn’t have to be in public.”

“Everything I do is public.”

“Aw, c’mon, ‘Scream.  There’s gotta be something we can do together.  Like, uh… I dunno.  I’m so used to ‘going out’ meaning ‘going to Swerve’s’.  What do you usually do to unwind?”

“Drink.”

Rodimus turned his helm to try and look at him, but Starscream kept his face hidden.  “Talk to me.”

Before he could get an answer, the calm warmth dissipated and the harsh dawn sunlight hit his optics.  His spark burned cold as he watched Starscream pull away and get out of berth.

“Where are you going?” Rodimus asked, hurt and annoyance in his voice.

“Work.”

“You weren’t in a ru—”

“I can’t take a day off,” Starscream snapped without turning. 

“Starscre—ah!”  Rodimus’ still-open spark chamber ached as the sparkling yanked on his life force.  Before he could even process the pain Starscream was back across the room, urging him to shut his chest and gently shushing him.  For a few, delirious moments Rodimus saw only colours and shapes and just barely heard Starscream.

“You took quickly,” Starscream said.

“Wha?”

Starscream sighed.  “I should take you to see a doctor.”

“You can take me to Ratchet.”

Starscream frowned. “Ratchet is supposed to be resting and doesn’t have a clinic.”

“Whatever.  I’m fine.”

“I’m sure you are,” Starscream said.  “Better safe than sorry.”

“And then I take you out.”

Starscream glared.  “You don’t get it, do you?”

“Apparently not.  Because apparently being seen with me is just so embarrassing.”

“You want a bunch of reporters in your face?”  Starscream stood up.  “Because that’s what you’ll get as soon as anyone sees us out together.  And what do we tell them?  That I sired a sparkling with someone who isn’t my conjunx?”  He scoffed.  “I don’t think so.”

“I’m not saying we have to go somewhere crawling with bots, but somewhere.  I… I feel weird.  Like, doing this this way.  Like, I’m sparked.  You’re… we’re gonna be parents.  And I barely know you.”  Rodimus put a hand over his still aching chest.  “I want them to have a good life.  That starts with having a good family.  One that’s not… weird.”

Starscream scoffed, through much more quietly this time.  His words matched it for pitch and tone.  “Then you’ll need to pick a new sire.”

Rodimus sat up.  “Sit down, Star.  Stop talking like that.”

Starscream did sit, but then he pushed Rodimus back down and joined them in a rough kiss, and he knew he should stop it.  He could taste all the unresolved problems on his lips, and it was only once his comm beeped a familiar jingle that he came to his senses.  He pushed Starscream away, and before the usual glower took over he caught the expression of an exhausted mech.

“Give me a sec.  I’ve got a message from Drift.”

“So?  Tell him you’re busy.”

“Nah, you don’t get it.  I got a message from Drift after three hundred from Magnus.”

“Then I’ll make you busy.”  Starscream got between his legs.  “Maybe you should call him, though.  Once I’ve got my spike buried in you.”

Rodimus shoved him off but smiled as he did so.  “No way! Drift’d totally sniff us out. He’d say my aura sounded sexual or something.”

Starscream snorted with laughter.

Rodimus gave him a hard look as the line rang.  He whispered, “No funny business.”

“Rodimus?” Drift said when he picked up.  “Where are you?  Magnus is looking for you.”

“Tell him I’m busy.  Starscream and I are talkin’ strategy,” Rodimus lied. 

“Strategy?”  Drift sounded incredulous.

“Yeah, like.  If he’s got resources I can use.  We are citizens of Cybertron, after all.”  Rodimus stifled a giggle as Starscream kissed at the nape of his neck.  He tried to wave him off, but the seeker was relentless.

“That sounds… responsible.” 

In the background, Rodimus head Ultra Magnus say, “Let me talk to him.”

“Point is, I’m busy,” Rodimus said rather brusquely.

Starscream said, “Oh, you will be,” and Rodimus swatted him away.

“What was that?” Drift asked.  “Was that Starscream?”

“Yeah he wants me off of the phone.  Something about ‘wasting his precious time.’  You know how he gets.”  That got him a glare from Starscream, and Rodimus just blew him a kiss.

“Let me talk to him,” Ultra Magnus said more firmly and closely.

“Okay, uh… let us know when you’re done I guess?” Drift said.

Rodimus almost didn’t hear him.  Starscream’s lips kissed up a finial and a rush of lust made his frame warm and tingly.  “Oh, yeah, yeah, call when I’m done.  Will do.  Bye!”  He hung up and moaned softly; Starscream’s hands stroked from his chest to just above his array.

“You’re such an aft.”

“Doesn’t seem like you mind it too much,” Starscream said before returning to Rodimus’ neck.

“Make it up to me by blowing my processor.”

Starscream smirked.  “That’s par for the course in my berth, Prime.”

Chapter Text

Rodimus pulled Starscream in roughly and kissed him, holding him by nothing other than his helm.  He ventilated hard against his lips, leaving nigh imperceptible dents in his lover’s helm.

“You could always come with me.”  Rodimus’ gentle words didn’t match his actions.  “We’ve got plenty of room.  I’ve got plenty of room.” 

A brief flash of wanderlust slotted together perfectly with Rodimus’ homesickness.  The same yearning to be amongst the stars and as far away from Cybertron as possible.  Like their sparks coming together, their thoughts found an unlikely mate.

“Ha.  That is funny.  As if I could leave my post.  And besides, I’ve no desire for being his replacement.”

“You’re not his replacement.”

Starscream shoved him away.  Pain bloomed in his optics, and a moment later Rodimus felt daggers dig into his spark.  “You can say whatever you want.  But I know.”

Push and pull.  Wrong thing, right thing.  They were either shoving each other away or crashing together.  Like stars that got a little too close.

“Well, for one, Megatron was much nicer.”  Rodimus said it in a teasing tone while keeping his thoughts light.  He expanded his field and wrapped it around Starscream.  “He also didn’t tease me and leave me high and dry, so… you’d make a pretty shitty replacement.” 

Starscream scoffed.  Try as he might to keep up huffy appearances, a twinge of amusement lined his field with gold.

“Leave Cybertron,” Rodimus said.  “Who gives a damn?”

“It takes shanix to raise a kid,” Starscream pointed out.  “I don’t see you making much from your quest.”

Rodimus shrugged.  “Drift’ll help.”

“He’ll help my sparkling?”  Starscream laughed.  “I get it now.  You live in a fantasy world where Megatron is capable of love and money just comes when you need it.  Think realistically, Rodimus.”  His tone turned sharp and their connection gripped firmly.  It almost hurt.  Like Starscream had reached into his chest and was squeezing his spark.  “How my life is now is what’s best for them.  For us.”

“Us, huh?”  Rodimus smiled, though he failed to cover up the sinking of his spark.

“Mhm.  If you stay, there’s an us.  If you want it.”

“Yeah, I guess.”  Rodimus smiled playfully.  “Though ‘us’ sounds a lot better when I get to cuddle with you.”  He tugged his arm.  “Come back down.”

“Just cuddling?”

Rodimus smiled as Starscream joined him.  The beginnings of a protest from their sparkling quelled as chest met chest.  Shrugging, he kissed him, pulled away slightly, and said, “Why?  You have something in mind?”  His hand strayed to Starscream’s aft while seeker hands were less subtle and went straight for the array.

“Always.”

While fragging had been their intention, and they’d certainly started off quite steamy, Rodimus’ thoughts were far away and Starscream tried to chase them.  They kept kissing, if for nothing else than to avoid optic contact and keep their mouths from asking questions they didn’t want to answer. 

Day turned to afternoon and afternoon turned to evening.  As the sun set, Drift called again and informed him that Ultra Magnus had taken it upon himself to decide when they were leaving to find the Lost Light.  Rodimus fumed for a moment, but he couldn’t stay mad for long.  Night turned to day and day to night and night to day and all he’d done was frag Starscream and laze around in berth. 

Some captain.

Don’t leave.

“You’re too loud,” Starscream complained over his thought before it had finished forming.

“You don’t have to listen,” Rodimus countered.

“Neither do you.”

“I’m not the one complaining.”

Rodimus’ spark ached.  It didn’t originate from him, though.  The bitlet had been quiet all day, cozied against his casing in Starscream’s general direction.

“Are you hungry?” Starscream asked.

Rodimus shrugged.  “Kinda.”

“Well, I am.”  He sat up. 

He didn’t ask if Rodimus wanted to go or not, and he didn’t request to follow him, but they got up together.  Magnetized, their hands interlocked as they took the trip slowly.  Almost as if they were savouring even this time together.

They ended up curled up on the couch, watching the news, of all things, and it wasn’t long after his glass had been emptied that Rodimus’ helm found Starscream’s lap.  With gentle strokes to his finials, he fell asleep in no time.  He dreamed of colours and warmth and intangible things that became tangible beneath his fingertips.

He awoke pressed up against Starscream, confused for a moment when he found himself back in their berth.  His berth.  The light of dawn teased at the horizon, but Rodimus would still hesitate to call it “day.” 

He let the warmth envelop him once more.

"I really don't think you should go back to the Lost Light," Starscream said while watching Rodimus gather the few things he'd left about Starscream's place.  This unfamiliar place had become home frighteningly quickly.

Well.  Not home.  His home would always be amongst the stars.

Rodimus felt cold inside and out.  He ignored the pain as best he could, but the bud was persistent.  He stifled everything with rage when he remembered why he had to go back.  Why he was here in the first place.  If it weren’t for the mutiny, he’d be on the Lost Light, with Megatron, probably beaming with the new knowledge of their sparkling.

This was all Getaway’s fault.

"Much less fight to get it back,” Starscream continued.  “Not while you're expecting."

"I can't just let Getaway... get away with it!"  The mech made him so angry he couldn't even enjoy the word play.

"You're carrying," Starscream pointed out again.  "If you fight, you could very well lose it.  It's just budding right now."

"But...  ARGH!"  Rodimus lashed out at the closest thing, which happened to be a very expensive model of Starscream’s alt mode.  It shattered on the floor.

A long and harsh silence stretched out between them as they both looked at the wreckage of Rodimus' anger.  Starscream's optics nearly turned black with a cold anger that Rodimus had never seen in him before, while regret spread out in Rodimus' field, engulfing them both in the thick feeling that made their tanks roil.

"Fine," Starscream spat.  "Go.  Kill it.  But if you walk out that door, even if you do by some miracle happen to keep it, I want no part in its life."

"What?"  This single word came out small.  "But, you said—"

"I said I'd rid you of... of him.  But if you don't take care of them..."  Starscream hugged himself, shaking as he turned his back on Rodimus.  "I can't..."  He covered his mouth, his wings falling and the shakes becoming so intense it almost looked like he was flapping them.

Rodimus took the few steps to put him within arm's reach, but thought better of it before he actually touched him.  "Can't… what?" he asked quietly.

Starscream clutch at his chest.  Rodimus felt a troubling pain in the same place, but it lacked the erratic movement of a distressed sparkling.

"Let's..."  Rodimus tentatively placed a hand on Starscream's shoulder, removing it when he flinched, but holding Starscream's gaze as he turned his helm to look.  Softly, Rodimus suggested, "Let's sit and talk."

"What's there to talk about?" Starscream screeched, whipping around.  "You clearly don't actually care for your sparkling!  Otherwise you'd stay!"

"Don't tell me I don't care about them!" Rodimus yelled right back.  "How do you know how I feel?"

"Oh, I know."  Starscream glared daggers at him.  "You were in love, so you merged.  You weren't planning on having a sparkling, but now that it's happened you're so ready to be a parent.  You're ready to have this happy family and things are looking up, but then shit hits the fan.  You still want the sparkling.  Of course you do.  You're already in love with them.  But you've got goals.  Ambitions.  Things that can't be put on hold.  It's your one and only chance.  So you think, 'they'll be fine.  Only some detach from stress.  That won't happen to me!'  But it can.  It can, and it will, if you're not careful."  His hand went to his chest as he turned away again.  "Believe me... you don't want to feel that emptiness."

"What do you...?"  Rodimus looked from his face to his hand, almost identical to his own stance.  "Wait... were you...?"

“Just leave already!”

“Not until you tell me what happened!”

“What do you care?”

“Argh!”  Rodimus’ rage and annoyance fed off of Starscream’s anger, though his felt faker.  Like he was trying to cover up whatever it was he really felt.  “I can just reach in and find out,” he threatened.  “If I dig deep enough I’ll find it.”

The connection suddenly terminated.  Like a wall had been put up around Starscream’s spark.  His face was still distraught, but Rodimus felt nothing.  If he hadn’t been standing right before him, he might’ve thought he’d died.

“How—?”

“When the necessity strikes, you learn,” Starscream said. 

“Why can’t you just tell me?”  Rodimus closed half of the space between them.  “Why can’t you trust me?”

“Do you trust me?” Starscream shot back.  He didn’t wait for his answer.  “Just go already.  That ship is all you care about.”

“So, what, none of what happened matters?  Our bond doesn’t mean a damn thing to you?”

Starscream narrowed his optics.  “That sounds like what I should be asking you.”

“Of course it mattered!” Rodimus yelled.  “You matter to me now!  I hate that you do.  I hate how much it hurts even now.  I’m not sure I’ll even be able to take the distance, but…”  He sighed, feeling suddenly tired.  “Everyone’s going to think I abandoned them.”

“Who cares?”

“Who cares?”

Starscream crossed his arms, shrugging.  “They staged a mutiny.  I doubt they’ll be happy to see you.”

New pain and anger bloomed within Rodimus.  “Frag you.”

Starscream just shrugged again, minutely, turning his helm so Rodimus could only see the side of one optic.  One tormented, dull optic.  He tried to probe into his mind, but the walls remained.

“Why can’t you just talk to me?” Rodimus asked, his voice strained.  “You can put up all the walls you want but it’s fragging obvious you’re upset.  Just…”  He sighed.  “Just tell me you don’t want me to leave.  If you tell me that…”

He didn’t want to finish that sentence.  He was never too good with promises and didn’t want to break another one.

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that,” Starscream said.  “You should care about your sparkling enough to do what’s best for them.”

“Well I’m sorry I’m new to this.  Would you be the perfect parent after a few weeks?”

“I should have been,” Starscream spat.  “Just take my damn advice.”

“And why should I?”

“Because—!”  Starscream growled.  He looked like he wanted to strangle someone.  “Because you should!”

“What, are you trying to make up for your mistakes?”  Rodimus took a few steps closer, but didn’t dare let Starscream into his field.  “Is that what this is all about?  Did you have some sparkling who grew to hate you?  Is that it?”

“You don’t know anything!”

“Then tell me!”

“And why should I?  So you can go back to your ship and gossip about me?”

“What?  I wouldn’t do that!”

Starscream kind of shrugged and turned away, crossing his arms.  His wings twitched in anger, but his frame shook.

“You know me,” Rodimus said a little more gently.  “Yeah, not that well, but you’ve seen me.  And I’ve seen you.  It’s terrifying.  I know.  I do.  But I don’t know everything.  If we’re doing this we can’t just keep things from each other, okay?  I get why you want to.  After seeing…”  He shut his optics when Starscream’s memory came back so vividly that it felt like it must have been his own.  “Look.  I’m not saying spill your guts and tell me everything.  You can have secrets.  But I can’t understand why this is upsetting you so much if you won’t let me know why.  I thought you didn’t really care about me.  I’m not expecting you to, either.  I get that this is a weird act of charity or revenge or whatever, but I’m still grateful and… and I mean we bonded and it’s, it’s all new and weird, but it’s good.  It’s good, isn’t it?”

When Starscream stayed silent, Rodimus’ spark constricted.

“Can’t you just talk to me?” he repeated.  “I would never share your secrets.  Anyone’s secrets.  That’s not me.”

“And why should I trust you?”

Rodimus made a frustrated noise.  “Because you could tell everyone about Megatron and me!  I trusted you with that knowledge!”

Starscream scoffed.  “It’s not like you were hiding it well.”

“Why are you being such an aft?  Like, okay, I get it’s you, but you weren’t like this.  Not recently.”

Starscream shrugged, the shakes in frame growing stronger.

“So, what, did you have a sparkling detach?”  That had Starscream flinching.  “Were your nesting days not some glorious time?  Did your sparklings want nothing to do with you?  Did—"

"I killed them!" Starscream suddenly screamed, whipping around.  "Are you happy now?  Is that what you wanted to hear?  That I’m some terrible bot who kills their sparklings?  Are you happy now?” 

Guilt bled out into Rodimus’ veins.

Hugging himself, his shakes returning full force, his voice lost all of its power.  “I was the only one who could protect them, and I..." 

Rodimus took a cautious half-step towards him, but Starscream stepped back.  “Hey, Star, I’m… I’m sorry.  I didn’t actually think, I just…”  He sighed.  “I don’t think.  I just wanted you to tell me and you weren’t—”  He shook his helm somberly.  “No.  It’s not your fault.  It’s mine.”

“I don’t want a second chance,” Starscream whispered.  He briefly met Rodimus’ gaze, and that brief glance was enough to see old pain glazing his optics.  Dulled some from time, but still very much there.  “I just can’t watch as someone does exactly what I did.  I just… I can’t.  Not when they’re… they’re mine, too.”

Rodimus took another careful step, and thankfully he didn't flinch away.  Starscream watched him out of the corner of his optic as he closed the distance.  He lifted his hand and hovered over Starscream’s shoulder, giving him a chance to move.  When he didn’t, he let it come to rest.  He didn’t move away.  If anything, he leaned into the touch.  "Let's sit," he suggested.  He pulled a half-willing Starscream against him and lead him back to the couch, where the seeker leaned his helm on Rodimus' shoulder.

"What happened?" Rodimus asked gently.

Starscream shook his helm.  "Doesn't matter.  You've made up your mind."

"I wouldn't say that."

"So you'll stay?"  Starscream picked himself up and turned so they were face-to-face.

Rodimus avoided his gaze.  "Well..."

Starscream scoffed as he shook his helm.  "Of course not.  You care about that ship more than anything."  He pushed off of Rodimus and shifted until he was in his own corner of the couch, pulling his knees into his chest.  "Just go."

"You tell me what happened, first," Rodimus pressed, a little annoyance slipping into his voice.

"What do you care?"

"Maybe I care because I merged with you and that's not something I can just shake off?" Rodimus countered.

Starscream laughed.  A horrible, self-deprecating laugh.  "You'll get over it."

"Yeah, sure, maybe I will, but I'm not now and, frag it all, I do care about you, so I want to know why you're upset.  Is that too much to ask?  Is it too far-fetched to think that I might actually like you?"

"You weren't so keen on me a few weeks ago," Starscream pointed out.

"Things change.  I used to hate Megatron, too."  It was Rodimus' turn to hug himself and claw at his aching spark.  "Just fragging tell me what happened!"

"Fine, fine!  You want to know?"  Starscream rounded on him.  "It was Megatron's, it was early in the war, and I figured as long as I didn't take a direct shot our sparkling would be fine.  Well, do you see me with any kids?"

"Starscream—"

"I murdered an innocent sparkling," Starscream spat.  "I've done a lot of despicable things but that is unforgivable."

"That's not murder, Starscream, y—"

"Yes, it is!"  Starscream put both his hands on his helm, clawing at it.  "I was supposed to protect them, but I didn't!"  His shakes returned full-force.  "So if you want to risk your sparkling's life, then that's on you!  I'll have no part of it."

"I'm not—!"  Rodimus growled frustratedly.  "I don't know what I want to do, okay?"  He pressed the heels of his palms to his optics, knowing that the distress he felt wouldn't help his sparkling, either, but to just give up his ship?  Or leave it in another's care? 

Whispering, Rodimus asked, "What kind of captain abandons his crew?  No, don't answer that, because I know what kind of captain!  Megatron."

"Well, what kind of parent puts their child in danger?"  Sarcastically, he added, "No, wait, I know.  Idiots like me.  Idiots who didn't have someone actively telling them not to do what you're planning to do!"

"Do you think I wanted this to happen to me?"

"Then terminate it!"  Starscream stood, all rage.  "Just get it over with!  Don't be a wishy-washy parent who will only care for them if they happen to survive!  I don't give a damn if you don't want to keep it—that's your call—but I've given you my terms.  Take them or leave them."

With a dramatic flap of his wings, Starscream went to make his exit, and Rodimus stood, too, angrily marching to the door.  He grabbed the last of his things—a small tub of wax for quick fixes—that sat on the table by the door.

"And Rodimus..." 

Rodimus stopped, his hand on the handle, when he heard Starscream's quiet voice from across the room.  He turned to face him, all his anger fading as he took in the sad sight.

Starscream hugged himself, avoiding his gaze.  He sucked in a quick ventilation, and as he let it out, he said in a rush, "I don't want you to leave, okay?”

Rodimus looked at the wax.  It would be so easy to just put it in his subspace and leave.  Certainly, much easier than unpacking everything again.  Time was running out.  The ship was already humming, ready to fly.  All it needed was its temporary captain.

Chapter Text

Rodimus took careful, almost dainty steps as he followed Ultra Magnus towards the launchpad.  The words he needed to say dangled on his glossa.  All that held them back was the guilt making his tank roil.

"I'm not going back," Rodimus said quietly. 

He put a hand to his chest, feeling the gentle tug of his sparkling.  Of their sparkling.  Something so beautiful, so precious, that he couldn't risk losing it.  Even if they won the battle, Rodimus would lose the war.

"What?" Ultra Magnus and Drift said in sync.

"You're kidding," Drift said.  "This is a joke, right?"  His gaze darted between both of Rodimus' optics, no doubt searching his words for a deeper meaning.

"Why not?" Ultra Magnus asked a moment later, crossing his arms.

Rodimus bit his lip.

Magnus narrowed his optics.

“Don’t you want to get your ship back?” Drift asked gently. 

Barely audible, Rodimus admitted, "... 'm sparked."

"Pardon?"  Ultra Magnus leaned in closer, while Drift took the few steps to close the gap between them.

"Did you just say you're sparked?" Drift asked quietly enough so that Ultra Magnus couldn't hear him.

Rodimus nodded, looking away.  "Don't wanna talk about it.  Too embarrassing."

Drift took one of his hands and gave it a little squeeze.  "Can we talk privately?" he asked Rodimus, and before waiting for his answer, he turned to Ultra Magnus and said, "Ratchet says he's not fit to fight."

"What on Cybertron are you talking about?" Ultra Magnus boomed.  "Not three weeks ago we fought a whole army!"

"That was different!" Rodimus shouted.

"Oh?"  Ultra Magnus frowned.  "How?"

“It just is!”  Rodimus hated how pitiful he sounded.  His optics flaring wildly didn’t help his case.

Ultra Magnus crossed his arms.  “And just what did he say was wrong with you?  Because all you’ve cared about since Getaway took your ship is how you’re going to get it back and now you’re saying you’re not going?”

"Yeah?  Well things have changed and I don't have to tell you anything!  I'm the captain!"

"Captain of what?"

"Shut up, shut up!"

"Back off!" Drift came to Rodimus' defence.  "Rodimus has a good reason for not going back.  You'll just have to hold command until he can take over again."

Ultra Magnus frowned.  “I would at least like to know the reason.”

Rodimus clenched his fists.  The reason pressed at his spark casing, aching for Starscream, trying to escape all this negativity.  Its reason for being was not something he was about to discuss with Magnus, and certainly not just days after he’d let Starscream frag every trace of Megatron out of him.

“Listen, Magnus, can you just trust me when I say you don’t want to know?”  Rodimus asked, defeated.  He was sure he still looked pitiful, but he hoped his confliction would show through and that Magnus would actually see it.  Drift obviously did.  Drift seemed to know what he was feeling before he did.  “I know I start things and don’t finish them.  I know.  I want to go, I do, but… this thing’s way more important, but I just can’t tell you right now.  Just… just trust me.  Please.”

Ultra Magnus narrowed his optics and then uncrossed his arms.  He scrutinized him—analyzed him—before finally saying, “Alright.”  And with that, he went off to join the rest of the crew.  His crew. 

"You're going to have to tell him eventually," Drift pointed out.

"I'd much rather let 'eventually' be as much later as possible."

“C’mon.”  Drift gently lead Rodimus to somewhere they could sit.  All the while Rodimus felt his gaze roaming.  He searched him for any sign of… anything.  Some small thing Rodimus wouldn’t notice he was doing, but would spell out the whole scenario for him somehow.  He didn’t hide anything.  Didn’t stifle anything.  He half-hoped Drift would just figure it out on his own.

“It’s Megatron’s, isn’t it?”  There was no judgement in Drift’s tone as he sat them down on a bench.  “I noticed how close you were.  I wanted to ask you, but I didn’t want to pry.”

Rodimus groaned.  “Yeah, and one of the last things I did was fight with him.”  He dragged his hands down his face.  “And then he left.”

Drift’s comforting hand made circles on his spoiler mount. 

“But… it’s not his,” Rodimus said.  “Not anymore.  It was, but I was so mad and scared and, and… and he offered, and…”

Drift’s hand stopped.  “You didn’t.”

“He’ll take care of me.  Of them.”  Rodimus didn’t know if he was trying to convince Drift or himself that this was a good idea.

"What made you think Starscream would be any better?"

"At least he hasn't abandoned me!"

"Yet!"

"He's not going to, okay?  I just..."  Rodimus sighed.  "Listen when you bond with someone it's... it's different.  What he showed me and what we shared about Megatron made me realize what we had might not have been… healthy.”

Drift’s optics sharpened and his hackles raised.  His voice deathly serious, he asked, “Did he lay his hands on you, Rodimus?  Because I swear to Primus—”

“No, no, nothing like that!”  Rodimus sighed and put his helm in his hands.  He sat back up as he ventilated deeply.  “Starscream just made some comparisons.  He wasn’t abusing me or anything.  But when we fought…”  He hugged himself.  “I guess we didn’t talk things out.  We just dropped stuff.”

“‘We’ or ‘you?’”

“Yeah, okay, just me.”  He sighed.  “I dunno, Drift.  I didn’t want to rock the boat in the beginning ‘cause… ‘cause I really liked him.  I figured if I badgered him about it he wouldn’t want to be with me.  And then I guess I just… didn’t tell him when things bothered me.”

“Rodimus, that’s—”

“Really fragging stupid.  I know.  Primus I know.”

Drift resumed his comforting strokes to his spoiler.  “Did you fight a lot?  Or at least before you stopped bringing things up?”

Rodimus shrugged.  “Not really.  I was happy.  I thought he was happy.  I thought we were happy.  We mostly fought over coming clean about the whole thing.  I didn’t want it to be a secret anymore, but Megatron always had some sort of reason or excuse or whatever and then it lead to the big argument and…”  Recalling Megatron walking out had him back in Starscream’s berth, being comforted by the last bot he expected comfort from.  “Honestly it’d been a while since we fought.  That last one was…”

“Nasty.”

“Mhm.”

“I thought there was a little more to it.”

“Mm.  Yeah.  A bit, anyways.  I just wanted my ship back and for everything to get back to normal.  We didn’t have any privacy there and I was… it’s stupid.  I was lonely.  I don’t know.”

Drift leaned forward until he caught Rodimus’ gaze.  “Do you think maybe you’re just lonely now?”

Rodimus turned away.  “Maybe.  Probably.  Doesn’t matter now, anyways.  It’s done.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”  Drift took one of Rodimus’ hands in both of his.  “I’ll overwrite the data.  I’ll help you raise them.  I’ll love them like my own.”

Keeping his gaze down, Rodimus said, “You have Ratchet.”

“I don’t—”

“C’mon, Drift, don’t play dumb.  You’re into him and he’s into you and when you both eventually just admit it already then you’ll be conjunx and you won’t have time for me.  Let alone a sparkling.”

“That’s not true!”  Drift tugged him closer, then hugged him.  “I’ll always have time for you.  And you know Ratchet wouldn’t care if I raised a sparkling with you.”

“Look, Drift, it’s nice of you to offer, but…”  Rodimus sighed.  He pushed Drift away and held him by his shoulders.  “I know what this looks like.  I know I just jump in, spark first head second.  But my spark is telling me that this is the right thing to do.  I know way more about Starscream than I ever thought I'd care to and he's not gonna leave, okay?  And if he does, whatever, I don't really care about him anyways.”  He felt kind of guilty for saying that.  But that was the truth… wasn’t it?  “I just didn't want the little fragger to look like... like him."

Drift was quiet for a long time.  Unlike Rodimus, he didn't fidget or pick at chips in his paint or grow increasingly uncomfortable about the lack of words filling the space.  Instead, he stared forward at some undetermined thing while he carefully considered what to say next.  He never purged his words straight from his thoughts like Rodimus did.

Before Drift finally spoke, he turned towards Rodimus and caught both his gaze and his hand.  "After we take the Lost Light back, will you join us?  Be its captain again?"

"C'mon, Drift, you know that ship's no place to raise a kid, and Cybertron's been a lot better lately.  It's not perfect or anything, but Starscream's in charge, so... they'll have their best life here.  It’s stable.  It’s safer.  Plus there’re sparklings popping up all over so they’ll have friends their age."  Rodimus rested his helm on Drift's shoulder.  "Anyone can captain the Lost Light.  They’d probably do a better job, too.  My sparkling only has me, in the end.  And Starscream, I guess, but like you said, who knows if he'll actually stick around.  So.  I gotta take care of them."

"That's... very mature of you."

Rodimus scoffed.  "How 'mature' is it to get knocked up—completely unplanned, by the way—with an ex-warlord who was definitely going to betray you one day, and then overwrite the coding with said ex-warlord's ex-second-in-command after one night?  Who the frag does that?  Me, that's who.  But I'm not gonna let my mistake ruin someone else's life."

"I'd say someone immature would do what he wanted to do even if it would hurt his sparkling," Drift said.  "You're going to be a great parent, Rodimus, even if I don't really approve of your choice in sires."  He chuckled, playfully nudging him. 

Rodimus laughed too, sitting up straight.  "I'm a mess, alright.  But I'll be damned if my kid is.  And... I dunno, Drift, I think there's more to Starscream than people give him credit for."

"I suppose he's better than Megatron."  Drift smiled at him.  It fell when he felt the flash of anger rush out of Rodimus' field.  "How long had that been going on for?" he asked gently. 

"What does it matter?" Rodimus spat.  He pulled his pedes up onto the bench, hugging his knees.  Whispering, he told Drift, "A year or two, I guess.  Maybe more.  I didn’t really keep track.  It’s hard to define when we became a thing."

"... Was it pretty serious?"

Rodimus shrugged.  "I thought it was."

"I'm sorry, Rodimus."  Drift put a hand on his shoulder.  "If it's any consolation, from what little I saw, he did care about you."

"Then why the frag did he leave?" Rodimus said, pitifully.  "He said he loved me but he wanted to get out of his trial more!  Now he's stuck in some other universe and I'm just... I'm just what he left behind."  He put his helm in his hands.  "I'm just the Autobot who fragged Megatron.  That's all I'll ever be."

"That's not true."  Drift pulled Rodimus in for a hug.  He was reluctant at first, almost fighting Drift, but he, too, wrapped his arms around him after a moment, shaking and snivelling.  "You'll always be my best friend.  And, c'mon, who hasn't thought about sleeping with him?  I know I did.  He's an aft, but he's hot, and I bet even Ultra Magnus has thought about it at least once."

Rodimus' emotions rocketed from one end of the spectrum to the other as a laugh overtook his frame.  A snorting, completely unattractive laugh.  One that Drift did his best to keep going.

"You know..."  Rodimus' optics glimmered with amusement.  "He always did have berthroom optics for him after he finished reading his reports."

Drift straightened, feigning a frown.  When he spoke, he attempted to match the deep monotone of Ultra Magnus' voice.  "'Noted... with thanks'?"  He fanned himself.  "Oh my..."

Rodimus put a hand to his abdomen when it started to hurt from the laughter.  "Stop, I can't!"

"He must have read every word... with those optics kept at a reasonable brightness level."  Drift fanned himself some more.  "I've never seen a mech with a straighter Autobot symbol.  Oh, dear, my cooling fans have come on!  Perhaps I'm coming down with something..."

"Stooooop!"  Rodimus lightly smacked Drift with his hand.  "Primus, I don't want to imagine the two of them going at it!"

Drift's voice turned breathy.  "Oh, yes, Megatron, this angle is the most efficient one for interface.  We will only use a modest amount of fuel while maximizing our pleasure."

"Primus, no!"  Rodimus covered his audials, still laughing uncontrollably.

“I bet Megatron would start spouting poetry mid-frag, too,” Drift teased.

Rodimus’ face flushed.

Drift looked at him like he’d just won the lottery.  “No, he did not!”

Rodimus covered his face.  “Shut up!  It was nice sometimes…”

Drift laughed.  “Oh that’s rich.”  He looked over at Rodimus and his face dropped when he saw his sagging shoulders.  “Hey, it’s…”  He put a hand on his shoulder.  “It’s okay.”

Rodimus shrugged.  "But seriously, though, Drift, I might just be lonely or whatever, but... a part of me really wants to see where this goes."

"Well... you could do better, but as long as you're happy, and as long as he treats you right—and you tell me if he doesn't, or I will cut him!—but if this is what you want, then I support you."  Drift gave him a bittersweet smile.  "You will come visit from time to time?  Maybe bring your sparkling along?"

"As if you could keep me away."  Rodimus threw an around Drift's shoulders.  "My bitlet's gotta meet their Uncle Drift, don't they?"

“Damn right.  And you keep in touch.  And I mean that.  I want to actually see your face.”

“Okay, okay I will.  As long as you keep me updated with everything that’s happening on the Lost Light.  Let me know how…”  Rodimus swallowed and forced the bitterness from his spark.  “Just let me know what happens.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.  I love you, Rodimus.  You’re going to be okay.”

“I love you too, Drift.”  Rodimus pulled him in for a long hug, but it still ended too soon.  He’d just gotten him back and now he was losing him again.

Him.  The Lost Light.  Megatron. 

No.  He needed to stop missing him.  After he’d seen what he’d done to Starscream?  How could he ever love someone like that?

But his spark still sank, and his sparkling still lamented.

As Rodimus approached Starscream’s condo, he felt their thin connection once more.  He smiled a little when he felt a surge of happiness that was quickly quelled.  Stifled emotions or no, he still felt their bond grow with each step he took towards the door.  Rodimus knocked lightly, and it was only seconds after that the door opened.

“Hey,” Rodimus said. 

Starscream tugged him in by the waist, stopping just before his lips to whisper, “Hey.”

Rodimus kissed him without hesitation.  “Miss me?”

“Only if you missed me.”

Pulling him into a tight embrace and kissing him deeply, he said, “I’ll never tell.”

“Then I guess I won’t either.”

Chapter Text

“G’morning.”  Starscream rolled over and laid his arm across Rodimus’ front.

“Five more minutes,” Rodimus said.  He kept his helm turned away from Starscream.  If he looked at his face, he’d see his dull, open optics, staring off at the sky as they’d done for… he didn’t know how long.  The sun hadn’t been out yet.

“You don’t have to get up yet.”  Starscream snuggled closer, resting his helm on Rodimus’ chest.  “You’ve got nowhere to be.”

Rodimus stayed silent.  Having no responsibilities sounded so good in theory, but in practice it left him empty.  Because he should have somewhere to be.  He should be with his crew.  He should be fighting for his ship back.

He should be with Megatron.

Starscream hummed against Rodimus’ chest.  “You’re a bad influence.  Did you keep your carrier up all night?”

“What?”  Rodimus turned his helm, surprised to find Starscream gazing sleepily at him.  Beneath that, a soft smile.  “Oh.  Yeah.  Yeah, they did.  Little bugger, heh…”  Rodimus looked away again.  “You get up. ‘M probably not used to sleeping next to someone.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Don’t you have work?”

With a sigh, Starscream sat up. 

Rodimus shrugged.  “Just saying.”

“Fine.  I’ll go to work.”

He left in a huff and Rodimus knew he should feel bad, and he did.  Well, maybe.  Or maybe he just felt Starscream’s indignation.  Either way, his tank roiled.  He felt like he could drink Starscream’s entire store but also like he’d purge whatever hit his throat.

All he could think about was the Lost Light.  Had they caught up to it yet?  Was Getaway putting up much of a fight?  Was Drift okay?  Was his crew okay?  It was unlikely they’d come out of this without a casualty.  If he had been there leading them, he would have at least been at peace knowing he had fought with them.  For them.  Not to mention he wanted to feel the crunch of Getaway’s face on his knuckles.

But here he was, lying in berth.  He felt like he was just Starscream’s plaything.  And useless and worthless and—

Rodimus started when Starscream’s hand suddenly entered his field of vision.  In it, a glass of energon, which he placed on the night stand. 

“You’re drinking for two,” he reminded him before he left again. 

“Yeah, yeah.”

His spark clenched with anxiety.  Or rather, Starscream’s did and he had to endure it second-hand.

“I’ll drink it,” Rodimus promised. 

Anxiety still fizzled out into his field, but it was lessened.  It strengthened a little when Starscream stooped down to press a kiss to Rodimus’ cheek. 

Rodimus’ gaze followed Starscream as he stood again.  He caught a flash of ruby, and then Starscream was kneeling beside the berth once more.  He gave Rodimus a proper kiss.  When he pulled away, he didn’t immediately leave.  He stroked Rodimus’ cheek with a reverence that seemed foreign.

“Call me if you need anything,” Starscream said.  “I won’t be far.”

One last caress to sensitive finials, and Starscream left Rodimus to his thoughts.

And he really didn’t want to think right now.

Maybe he slept some more or maybe he didn’t.  Time passed slowly.  And all the while, his spark ached.  Whether it was from Starscream, sparkbreak, or his growing sparkling, he didn’t know.

Eventually his hunger pangs got to him and he forced himself into a sitting position so he could drink.  At least Starscream’s energon went down easily.

Rodimus grew increasingly bored and worried as the days dragged on.  He’d exhausted Starscream’s collection of movies and wasn’t quite desperate enough to dig through his novels, and he could only fill so much of the day with sleeping.  It wasn’t as enticing to stay in berth when he didn’t have somewhere to be.  At least the sparkling had him snoozing for longer.

The worry stayed no matter what.  Drift had given him one update since they’d left, and that was only to inform him that they’d found the Lost Light.  Found, but not yet reached.  He tried not to think that maybe he hadn’t received any more updates because…

No.  No, he wasn’t going down that road.  Primus, if only he had a distraction.

He resigned himself to watching the news.  At least he had no personal stake in any of the stories.  He’d nearly fallen into recharge when his comm pinged.

Rodimus’ spark swelled and then sank.

Did you finish your energon?

Rodimus rolled his optics.  Yes, carrier, he sent back, trying to infuse that message with as much sarcasm as possible.

Starscream sent him back an emoji winking and blowing a kiss.

Rodimus slid down the couch.  He growled, irritated, when his comm pinged again.  If he got another check-in text from Starscream he might scream.  Guess that’s where he got his name from.  Annoying bots into screaming.  But ignoring him would just lead to more texts so—

Rodimus’ spark jumped into his throat and he jumped from his seat. 

Drift!

He fumbled through his HUD, eventually able to open the message through his excitement.  It had a selfie of Drift smiling on the bridge of the Lost Light.  All she needs is her captain.

His armour looks a little scuffed, but he wasn’t leaking.  At least from what Rodimus could see.  His optics shone bright blue and even the scene behind him didn’t seem too damaged, if it was damaged at all.

His comm pinged again.  Can I call you later to fill you in?

Call as soon as you can, Rodimus sent back.

Now the hours really dragged.  Once, Rodimus swore his chronometer had ticked back instead of forward.  He eventually managed to ignore it for long enough to slip into a nap.  His comm woke him up, and he was already halfway across the room before the message opened.  He rushed to the long-distance video console, furiously typing and then re-typing the frequency when he messed it up the first time.

Rodimus gripped the sides of the console while it rang.  He held his ventilations.  Each ring felt like it was mocking him.  But finally—finally—he answered, and the screen lit up with Drift’s smiling face.

“Primus, it’s so good to see you, Drift.”  Rodimus allowed himself to sit, letting out a relieved ventilation.

“You doing okay, Roddy?  You look worse than I do.”

“Har, har.  Yeah, I’m just bored out of my processor.  And I’ve been worried about you, so sue me for not looking my best.”

“Sorry, sorry.  But you are okay, right?  Because I will fly right back to Cybertron to kick Starscream’s aft if he—”

“I’m fine.  Really.  I just want to know what happened.”

Drift sighed.  “Well, the good news is we didn’t have any casualties from reclaiming the ship.”

“And the bad news?”

“Atomizer was dead before we got here.  We’re told Getaway did it.”

“Primus… Getaway killed Atomizer?  Where is he?  I’d be happy if he died.”

“Well… unfortunately, we weren’t able to capture Getaway.  We have no idea where he is.  No one else does, either.  He had lost the trust of basically all the mutineers before we showed up.  Everyone surrendered, some can’t stop apologizing.  Thunderclash has basically been on his knees all day begging for forgiveness.”

Rodimus snickered.

“So… what should we do with them?”

“What do you mean?”

“They won’t all fit in the brig, and they did surrender, so…”

“Okay?  That’s not my decision.  I’m not the captain anymore.”  Rodimus’ spoiler fell.

“Not right now, no, but you were the captain when they stole your ship.  I think it’s only fair you pass judgement on them.”

Rodimus waved his hand.  “They learned their lesson, right?  Do you think they’d follow Getaway again if he came back to try again?”

“I doubt it.”

“Then no punishment.  Or… if there’s any damages or changes Getaway made to the ship, maybe just have them all clean or fix that up.  That’s fair, right?”

“More than fair.”

“Or, better yet,” Rodimus snickered to himself, “what if you throw Thunderclash in the brig for a little while.  Like an hour, tops.  Tell him he’s gonna be the one to atone for what they all did.  You know he’ll do it.  Probably give some noble speech about making a sacrifice for the greater good or something.”  He rolled his optics.  “Ugh, but then people will just like him more.  Okay, just let them all off the hook, but please take a video of ‘Clash begging.”

Drift laughed.  “Okay.  They did want me to personally apologize to you.  They all just wanted Megatron gone, so…”  He lightly grit his denta when he saw Rodimus deflate a little.  “Sorry.  I know it’s still fresh.”

“No, no, it’s okay.  A few years ago I probably would’ve sided with them.”  He sighed.  “Wish I could.”

Neither of them said anything for a while. 

“Hey, Drift, so… I wanted to ask you something.”  Rodimus tried to meet his gaze, but failed.

“What is it?”

Rodimus checked over his shoulder.

“He’s treating you well, right?”  There was an edge to Drift’s tone.

Rodimus couldn’t help but chuckle.  “It’s not about him.  Well… it is, but not about that.  He’s taking care of me, Drift.  Don’t worry.  If anything he’s doting on me a little too much.  What I wanted to ask you about was… how they—he and Megatron—were during the war.  Like, what you saw of their relationship.”

Drift grimaced.

“That good, huh?” Rodimus joked weakly.

“It wasn’t pretty.  I don’t remember seeing much of anything, good or bad, in the beginning.  They were clearly together and Megatron made sure that everyone knew Starscream was off-limits, but they kept it private.  I don’t think most people noticed how toxic it became until Megatron was beating him in front of everyone.”

Rodimus hugged himself.  He swallowed a few times to keep his rations down.

“Did you see any of that when you bonded?” Drift asked gently.

Rodimus nodded.  “And then some.  Drift, it was awful.  Starscream didn’t deserve any of that.”

“No,” Drift agreed.  “He didn’t.”

Another, much more uncomfortable, silence befell them.  Rodimus chewed a burr on his finger to distract himself from the churning in his tank.  Or maybe because of the churning in his tank.

“Drift, do you…  Well, I know you think people can change, but… when it comes to things like that, do you think people can change?”

Drift sighed and sat back.  “I’m not sure, Rodimus.  They have to want to change, and even then, I…”  He shook his helm.  “I don’t know.  But he didn’t hurt you, right?”

“Not physically, anyways.  And I was never afraid he would, either.”  Rodimus sighed, deflating against his seat.  “Maybe I should’ve been.  Like you and Starscream said: it was good in the beginning.”

“Does it matter, though, Rodimus?  You’re not holding out hope that he’s coming back are you?”

Rodimus bit his lip and then emphatically shook his helm.  “I shouldn’t be.  I don’t think I could even look him in the optic after seeing what Starscream showed me.”  That didn’t stop him from wanting to look him in the optic, unfortunately. 

“It’s okay to grieve, Rodimus.  It’s even okay to miss him, but I do think it’s in you best interest to just forget about him.  And if you’re serious about Starscream, then show him.”

“But that’s the thing, I… I am, I mean… I want to be, but is this even a good idea?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I don’t think it’s a bad one, either.  I think it benefits you both, but that doesn't necessarily mean it'll make you happy.  It’s about how you feel about Starscream.”

Rodimus bit his lip again.

“You can still come back to the Lost Light,” Drift said gently.  “Everyone misses you.”

Rodimus shook his helm.  “I want to.  Believe me, I do.  But I know that staying here is what’s best for my sparkling.  Which means Starscream is my best option.  But I… I dunno, Drift, I think I’m actually starting to like him which scares me.”

Drift laughed.  When he looked back at Rodimus' distressed face, he said, “Oh, I’m sorry, Rodimus, but you were conjunx with Megatron.  So what if you like Starscream?  Everything’s changing.  Everyone is changing.  And doesn’t liking him make things easier?”

“I guess, but like…”  Rodimus chewed on his thumb.  “I don’t think Starscream likes me.  I’m still not really sure why he’s doing this.”

“Have you asked him?”

“Huh?”

“Have you asked him why he’s doing this?”

“Well… not in so many words.  And definitely not as a direct question.”

“And have you asked him if he likes you?”

“Not… really.”

“Then ask him.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Oh, it’s not.  And I can imagine getting answers out of Starscream could be challenging.”  Drift smiled sympathetically.  “But it must be a little easier with the bond.”

“You’d think.”  Rodimus sat back in his chair with a sigh.  “The day you guys left, we were arguing about me leaving and—”

“You guys are already arguing?”

Rodimus rubbed his optics tiredly.  “It was stressful.  We’re not at each other’s throats or anything.  It’s been mostly peaceful, to be honest—but back to what I said before I was interrupted,” he gave Drift a pointed look, “he did this… thing.  I dunno how but it was like he could just cut the connection off at will.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that it felt like we weren’t bonded.  Like he’d just suddenly died, minus the pain.  I couldn’t feel anything.”  Rodimus looked at his hands.  “He said something about learning it because he needed to.  Do you know if he was ever bonded to someone else?”

When he looked at the screen again, Drift was giving him a sympathetic look.  More like pity, in Rodimus’ optics.

Rodimus rubbed his optics, feeling tears pricking at the corners.  “I know, I know, it was probably because of Megatron.”  Before he could actually start crying Rodimus turned to anger.  “Why did I fall for him?  How did I even get a crush on him?  He’s Megatron!  Fuck, I wish I could have just kept hating him!”

“Rodimus.  Blaming yourself won’t help.”

“Then what will?  Because everything Starscream shows me makes me feel like slag because I fell for the mech who did that to him and I still want him to come back!”  All his forced anger was pushed out by tears that couldn’t be stopped.  Regret and sparkbreak spurred them on while guilt made his whole frame ache.  “Megatron made me feel whole.”

“Oh, Rodimus…”  Drift could do nothing but watch him cry.  “I wish I could give you a hug.”

“I don’t.”  Rodimus wiped away the tears, but more quickly replaced them.  “I don’t deserve a hug.  I’m not over a guy I should have never been with while agreeing to be with his ex and for what?  I feel like I’m just going to screw Starscream over even more why don’t I think things through?”

“You can still come back to the Lost Light.  You haven’t gone public yet, right?”

“What?  And just abandon him?  After he showed me all that?  You think that won’t mess him up even more?”

“Ventilate, Rodimus.”  Drift leaned towards the camera, worry taking over his face.  “You’ve been through a lot.  You’re stressed.  You’ve made some tough choices.  But Starscream’s his own mech, and he’s a lot tougher than bots give him credit for.  He’ll survive.”

“I don’t want to hurt him, Drift.”

“Put all of that aside, Rodimus.  What do you want?  That’s what’s important here.”

Rodimus put a hand to his chest, a spike of worry made his optics widen when his spark was beating faster than he’d ever felt it.  Right.  The sparkling.  It was still all so strange and new and confusing and…

“I want Megatron,” Rodimus said quietly.  Pathetically.  More tears spilled forth.  “That’s what I want.  How stupid is that?”

Drift sighed softly, his optics pained.  “It’s not stupid.  But you have options, Roddy.  You’re not stuck.  If you want to stay with Starscream, then stay with him.  I can’t promise you won’t hurt him or that it’ll work out, but no one can ever promise that.  If you want him, and you both put in the effort, you can make a nice life for yourself.  But you can also come home.  If you don’t want to raise your sparkling alone, you know I’ll be right there.  I don’t give a damn who the sire is, I’ll raise them like my own.  I’ll help in whatever capacity you want and need.”

Rodimus shook his helm.  “It’s not your problem.  And it doesn’t matter what I want because I’m already bonded with Starscream.  That’s some pretty permanent shit!”

“So is being a parent.  So is becoming conjunx with him.  But right now, you have an out before everyone knows.  You still have this choice, Rodimus.  He’ll survive.  You’ll survive.  Bonds fade over time.”

“I’ll probably just end up screwing this up like I screwed it up with Megatron.  Because I obviously did something for him to just up and leave!  Why?  Why did he leave me, Drift?”  Rodimus could barely see Drift’s face through his sobbing.  At least Starscream wasn’t here to see him become a blubbering mess.  That'd scare him away for sure.

“I… I don’t know, Rodimus.”

“Well I do.  I bet he found out I was knocked up somehow and didn’t want to be tied down to me so he took the first chance he could to get the hell out of my life.  Or maybe he just came to his senses and realized what a terrible conjunx I make.  Which I’m sure Starscream will, too!  But then everyone’s gonna know how shitty a conjunx I am because it’ll be all over the news when he leaves me!”

“Rodimus, your sparkling…”  Drift leaned closer, instinctively reaching out for him.  “Try to ventilate.  For them.”

“Why?  Because I know I’ll make a terrible parent, too, so maybe it’s better if—”  Rodimus hiccupped, feeling terrible for even thinking that.  That would kill Starscream.  But he just couldn’t stop crying.  “I don’t know what to do, Drift, I—”

The door suddenly swung open and Rodimus started.

“What have you been saying to him?” Starscream accused Drift, rushing over to Rodimus.  He knelt down and held his helm steady. 

“I haven’t said anything!  He’s just stressed.”

Starscream ignored him.  To Rodimus, he said calmly, “Rodimus, you’re stressing them out.”

Rodimus couldn’t stop the tears flowing from wide optics.

“Rodimus, you need to calm down,” Starscream said gently.  He rested his hand over his spark.  “Please.  Calm down.”  Those words were strained and almost inaudible.

Rodimus put his own hand over Starscream’s, feeding off the calm air of Starscream’s field.  His lower lip trembled. 

“Uh, I should… probably go,” Drift said awkwardly.

“He’ll call you back,” Starscream said without looking at the screen.  He ended the call.

“I didn’t get to say good-bye!”

Starscream kissed tear-soaked lips.  “You can be mad at me later.  Please settle your spark.”

“I’m fine.”

The strained look Starscream gave him was hard to look at for long.  With a small, frustrated growl, he focused on his ventilations and Starscream’s gentle strokes.  He felt the frantic pull of his sparkling settle.  It followed the small circles Starscream made, sinking deeper into the core.  As it did, Starscream’s wings fell to their normal height and the flaring light of his optics dimmed to their gentle red glow.  His field wrapped more tightly around Rodimus.

“Thanks,” Rodimus whispered.

“What’s gotten you so upset?” Starscream asked as he wiped away tears.

Rodimus bit his lip.  His kissed him instead of answering him.  If the stiff way Starscream held him had anything to say, though, a kiss wasn’t going to get him out of this.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way,” Starscream said.  Rodimus felt his presence at the fringes of his consciousness.

Rodimus sighed, touching his forehelm to Starscream’s.  Letting him step into his processor was the last thing he needed right then.  If he knew he was crying over Megatron…

“Why are you doing this?” Rodimus asked quietly.  “Do you even like me?”

Starscream chuckled.  “That has you crying your optics out?  Primus, if your circuits are this fried now I’m afraid to see what the gestation stage brings.”

“It’s not like I care!”

“Mhm.”  Starscream’s teasing smile turned soft.  “Nice try.  You care about everything.”

Rodimus scowled, but it ended up looking more like a pout.

“Do you really think I’d be doing all of this, offering you this life, if I didn’t like you?”

“Well, I don’t know!  Maybe you’re getting something else out of it!”

“Well… perhaps I am.”  Starscream sighed.  “You remind me of who I was before Megatron.”

Rodimus’ field dampened with sympathy.

“It sounds like you nearly got the life I wanted.”  He glanced at Rodimus when he squeezed his hand reassuringly.  He sighed.  “Maybe I wanted to take that from you.  I know I wanted to take whatever happy life Megatron had planned.  Even if he won’t be around to miss it.”  He took a deep ventilation.  “A part of me wishes we could have the time to do this properly.  But then, I doubt we would have done it if we were given a choice.”

“I mean… yeah, no… we probably wouldn’t’ve.”  Rodimus swallowed.  “So… I guess it’s kind of a good thing?”

“So far, it seems like a very good thing.”

Rodimus tried to hide his smile, but it shone through.

“There.”  Starscream kissed that smile, making it grow, and then his forehelm.  “All better?”

“Yes,” Rodimus lied.  Well, half-lied.  Presently, it was the truth.

“Good.  Because I have some less-than-enjoyable news about your pending freedom.”

Rodimus grimaced.  “How much longer?”

Starscream sighed.  “Well… I can’t give you an exact timeline, yet, but I’ve already put some things in motion, and I’m just waiting to hear back about some reservations.”

“Reservations?  What, is it, like, a fancy date?”

“In a way…”  Starscream sighed again.  “We’re going to have to have a whole fragging ball just to announce that we’re conjunx.”

“… Excuse me?”

“I’m not happy about it, either.  I looked into how it used to be done, and while it’s not a law, it’s expected of me.  And if we want to make this easy on us, we need to do it by the book.  We have to be normal.”  Starscream spat out that last word like it tasted bad.

“But, like, a ball?  Like, fancy cocktails, fancy dancing, invitation only kind of ball?  Wouldn’t it be easier for you to just send out a mass e-mail?”

Starscream gave a snort of laughter.  “My esteemed colleagues, I hope this e-mail finds you well.  I am writing to inform you that I am now railing Rodimus Prime of Nyon on a near daily basis.  Regards.  Hm.  Maybe we should just do that.”  He gave Rodimus a smirk.

“Ugh.”  Rodimus flopped forward onto him.  His voice was muffled when he said, “This suuuuucks.”

“Agreed.  But the sooner we do this, the sooner we don’t have to hide.”

“Do we even have to hide though?”  Rodimus sat up.  “We could still go out, just not, like, y’know do couple-y things.”

“Oh, you think so?”  Starscream stood and crossed the room, picking a datapad from a shelf.  He flipped through it a bit, then turned it around triumphantly.  A grainy picture of him and Wheeljack was covered with questions asking if they were together in about five different ways.  “He was dropping off some lab reports because my condo was on the way.  We were talking for maybe a minute.”

“That was just one time.”

“Oh, really?”  Starscream swiped at the screen a few times, then turned a new tabloid towards him, this time with a mech he didn’t recognize.  “This is the representative from Praxus who I shook hands with.  Now, tell me what this magazine says I was doing?”

Rodimus sighed.  “Okay, okay, you made your point.”

“No.  Tell me what this magazine says, Rodimus.”

He sighed again.  “‘Is Starscream Mixing Work with Pleasure?’  Okay.  Fine.  It’s bad.  But no one really believes that slag.  You don’t even look like you’re holding hands.  Anyone with sense can see that’s a handshake.”

“They don’t believe it, because there isn’t a shred of truth to back up their claims.  But just imagine, Rodimus, that they take a picture of us—even one where we’re just together—and they find evidence to back up their claims?  What if they dig deep enough and find out what’s really going on?  Do you understand the kind of pressure I’m under to maintain my image?  Everything I do—even the smallest things I forget to think about—is scrutinized.  So, we need to give them false trails.  We have to be as open as possible with our relationship so they won’t even think to go digging.  Hell, I’m already thinking up some redeemable scandal to fake should we need a distraction.”

“We could take a chance after dark, though, yeah?  These were all during the day.  Please, Star, I’m so bored.”

Starscream sighed harshly, rubbing his temples.  “You’re aware cameras have flash, aren’t you?”  He put the datapad back on the shelf, making his way back over to stand in front of Rodimus.

Rodimus rolled his optics.  “I think we’d notice that.”

“It doesn’t matter whether we notice it or not.  If the paparazzi get the shot, that’s all they need to run three articles on it.  And then they’ll sell it to five other tabloids and all of them will run three articles and—”

“Okay, okay, I get it already.”  Rodimus crossed his arms and slouched.  “I’ll stay inside.  But you’d better parade me around like the goddamn gift I am once we’re free.”

Starscream chuckled, taking a seat next to Rodimus.  “Of course.  We have to sell it after that.”

“No, no, you take me out because you want to.”

Starscream cupped his cheek, giving him a strangely gentle look before kissing him.  “Oh, I want to.  As far as grounders go, you’ll make some pretty arm candy.  But I’m going to enjoy you while I have you all to myself.”

“‘Arm candy?’  That’s what I am to you?”

Starscream rolled his optics.  “Primus, Rodimus, it was a joke.  It was also a compliment.”

“‘For a grounder?’”

Starscream shut his optics, taking a deep ventilation like he was stopping himself from screaming.  “Okay.  I’m gonna let this slide since you’re hormonal.”

“Excuse me?”

Starscream put his hands up in surrender.  “Kidding.  You’re a hot piece of aft, Rodimus.  But if I only cared about how you’d look on me…”  He shifted down the couch and straddled Rodimus, leaning down until their lips nearly touched.  “Then I wouldn’t be trying to kiss you right now.”

“Yeah, trying.”  Rodimus crossed his arms and turned his helm away.

“Aw, don’t be like that, sweetspark.”  Starscream stroked his cheek.  “You’re not going to deny the sire of your sparkling some after work loving, are you?”

Rodimus sighed and pouted. 

Chuckling, Starscream said, “Don’t use that pout on me.  I know that pout well.  The ‘I’m-not-mad-at-you-but-I-don’t-want-to-give-in’ pout.  Just kiss me.  You know you want to.”

Rodimus stuck his bottom lip out further.

“C’mon, hot shot.  Gimme a kiss.  Please?”  Starscream ran his thumb along Rodimus’ pout. 

Rodimus playfully nipped at his thumb, unable to stop himself from smiling.

“Oh, is Rodimus Prime looking for more than just a kiss?”  Starscream quirked up an optic ridge.  “If not, you really shouldn’t go around biting me.  Sends the wrong message.”

“Mm… maaaaaybe.”  Rodimus slid his hands up Starscream’s back.  He stopped them when they just touched the base of his wings.  He felt them quiver with anticipation.  “But, um… maybe not, y’know, that?”

“No?  Then, what do you want?” 

“Can we, um, bond?  And, y’know… just be?  Again?  I promise I’ll be quiet this time.”

“Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“Okay, fine, mostly quiet.  I’ll meet ya halfway?”

Starscream groaned.  “I guess we should be doing that.”

“Mhm!” Rodimus said triumphantly.  “Halfsies on everything, baby.”

“Do I get half of your idiocy, too?”

“Only if I get half of your bitchiness.”

Starscream chuckled into his neck.  “Deal.”

“Can we get on with it now?  I’m horny for sparkmerging, apparently.”  Rodimus pawed at Starscream’s chest.

“Alright, alright.  Let’s get to berth, then.  If we’re going to be out for a while I don’t want us falling over.”  Starscream stood, grabbing Rodimus’ hand as he did so. 

Having no choice but to follow, Rodimus stood, too, and gave Starscream’s hand a squeeze.  He got a squeeze in return, plus a flirty glance thrown over his shoulder. 

It all felt so natural.  Pulling him close, his weight pressing him into the berth… it felt new and exciting, but easy.  The physicality, anyways.  His hands already knew the shape of his frame.  The tug on his spark when their chests parted.  Even the merge felt as natural as changing shape.  It was a different kind of transformation, where each end result had a different feel.  A different aura.  But a familiar one.

Rodimus found his own way this time.  He did linger perhaps a few moments too long, stifling his hope so Starscream wouldn’t feel it.  Thankfully his sense returned before anything could happen, and soon enough he was wrapped up in Starscream’s embrace in his spark, just as he was in reality. 

He was just about to settle down for their silent existence, when a bright light caught his optic.  He blinked rapidly, shielding his optics.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“That light.”

“… What light?”

“There.  That…  Wait… Is that a memory?  I thought there weren’t supposed to be memories here.”

“There… aren’t.”

“Then what’s that?”  Rodimus gestured to what looked like just more blackness to Starscream.

Starscream blinked at him.  “Rodimus.  There’s nothing there.”

“You’re telling me you don’t see that?”

“No?”

“I’m literally looking at you talking to some guy.”

Starscream squinted, still seeing nothing.

“Woah, okay, now you’re kissing him.  Who is that?  Must’ve been before the war or something.”

“Rodimus I’m telling you there’s nothing there.”

“Then explain to me why I’m watching you shoving your glossa down some seeker’s throat—he’s hot, by the way, you have good taste—who I have never seen before?”

“Seeker?”  Starscream’s face scrunched up in thought.  “I never… are there other seekers around?”

“No, it’s just you two.  You’re—okay yeah, I definitely wasn’t supposed to see that.”  Rodimus shielded his optics.  Instead, he looked back at Starscream’s confused face.  “You really don’t see anything?”

“You must just have a vivid imagination,” Starscream decided.

Rodimus made a frustrated noise and tugged Starscream closer, shoving him towards the memory.  “It’s right th—”

Chapter Text

Starscream woke with a start and an ache in nearly every strut.  He turned dull and tired optics to the window, where dawn light was just beginning to light the sky.  A brief yearning to spread his wings in the cool morning air was quashed by the sound of a snore.  He turned his helm back, finding Megatron, still asleep. 

Thankfully. 

As exhausted as he was, he quietly got up and slipped out of their room—no, Megatron’s room—and prayed to Primus that last night would be enough to appease him.  He was usually happy enough after an overload or two.

Not three steps out of the door, someone ran into him.  Well, he ran into them, but he wasn’t about to admit that.

“Watch where you’re going!” Starscream snapped.

“Apologies, commander,” the cobalt seeker said.  He stared at him for too long.  Which was to say, at all.

“Can I help you?”

“You look exhausted.”

Starscream’s optics flared with tired anger.

One of his friends hissed, “Chance don’t be stupid.”

“Apologies again, commander,” Chance, Starscream presumed, said.  “I meant no offence.  In fact, you still look as gorgeous as always.  Especially up close.”

“Chance.”  This time, his friends pulled back the fragger, a flirty smile taking over his face.

Starscream just stared, dumbfounded, while a hint of blush tinged his cheeks and wingtips.  His processor seemed to have stopped working.  He literally couldn’t find a single word.

“I’d tell you to catch up on your beauty sleep, but I don’t know if any of us would be able to concentrate on the war if you did.”

All but yelling his name now, his friends yanked him back, half shielding him while giving a flurry of apologies on his behalf.

“Chance, was it?”  Starscream looked him up and down as he nodded, never losing that confident smile, his golden optics bright and playful.  “Do you have a death wish?”

His friends froze, but Chance laughed.

“Not particularly,” he said.  “But I’d consider it a privilege to be killed by you.”

“Sorry, sir, he’s still not quite sober,” one of the other bots stepped in, putting themself between Chance and Starscream.  “We were just taking him back to his quarters to sleep this off.  Again, apologies.”

Starscream said nothing more, but gave Chance a long look as his friends pretty much dragged him away.  He didn’t break optic contact until they turned a corner.

Starscream did his best to blend into the crowd, but he was given a wide berth.  He took another swig of his drink. 

Megatron seemed complacent enough, but there had been enough rough, drunken frags in the past, and he hoped he could lose this one to engex.  Or at the very least stay inconspicuous enough to go unnoticed.

He grumbled when the last of it found his tank.  He should’ve stayed near the bar, because crossing a room full of drunk, dancing bots sounded like the worst thing ever.

“Need a refill?”  

Starscream started at the drink presented to him.  When he turned, he found Chance smiling that smile at him.  He looked unimpressed at him and then the drink.

“Right.  I’ll just accept a drink from a stranger.”

“Not a stranger.  I ran into you that one time, remember?”  His smile turned full-on smirk.

“Unfortunately.”

“Aw, don’t be like that, commander.  Fine.”  Taking the cup back, he downed at least half of it while Starscream watched him with the same dumbfounded expression.  What was up with this guy?  “There.”  He offered him what was left.  “If I drugged it, we’ll both have an awful night.”

Starscream couldn’t help but give a snort of laughter in his bewilderment.  He hated himself for it when Chance’s smile just grew and triumph shone in his field.

Accepting it angrily, he huffed, “I’m just saving myself a trip!”

Chance shrugged.  “Whatever you say, sir.”  

After a few moments of blissful silence, he said, “So, how many more drugged drinks do we have to share before I can get you on the dance floor?”

Starscream sputtered.  “None,” he shrieked.

“Perfect.  I’m just getting in some extra credit.”  He held out his hand.  “Shall we?”

Growling through his words, Starscream said, “None, because I won’t be dancing with you!”

“Ooh, skipping to the part where I take you home?  I always did admire an ambitious mech.”

Starscream blinked.  “You do have a death wish.”

Chance laughed.  “So you won’t take a chance,” he paused for emphasis, “on me?”

Starscream felt an itch on his plating and found Megatron staring at him.  His gaze slid sideways to Chance, who didn’t notice him.  “I’m saying, leave me alone,” he hissed out of the side of his mouth as he forced a smile and pushed himself through the crowd to press himself to Megatron’s chassis. 

“Who was that?” Megatron asked.  To anyone else, he sounded mildly interested, but Starscream caught the edge in his tone. 

“No one.”  He was going to leave it at that, but it sounded too suspicious to just say that, so he added, “He keeps bothering me.”

“Hm.”  Megatron’s gaze found him in the throng.  “Should I take care of him?”

“No.  He’s no one.  He’s not worth the energy.”

And he wasn’t.  Yet Starscream kept seeking him out in the crowd.  When he found him throughout the course of the night, those golden optics pierced him right to the core.  It was strangely intimate.  A couple of times Starscream forgot they were in a crowded room and, dangerously, that Megatron was by his side.

“I suppose I should expect some competition,” Megatron whispered.  He kissed by Starscream’s audial.  “You are the most beautiful mech in the room.”

Starscream’s spark did flips.  He smiled easily.

“There’s no competition.”  Starscream looked right into optics softened by the hazy hold of engex.  “Take me home?”

“Soon.”  Megatron kissed him; a prelude.  “Why don’t you head back and I’ll meet you there in a little while?”

“Okay.”  Starscream found himself actually getting excited.  He was in such a good mood.  Hopefully he could keep him that way.

One more kiss, and then one lewd one to his neck, Megatron whispered, “Don’t get started without me.”

Starscream let a sultry laugh slip.  “You’ll have to hurry home then.”

Megatron’s grip tightened on his waist. 

Starscream waited until Megatron’s hands strayed almost to his aft, then smiled and made his exit.  He looked over his shoulder to give one last flirty glance, but instead of familiar red, he found gold.  Confused, and hopeful, gold.  He quickly turned his helm and walked faster.

Outside of the party, the music muffled, his pedes clicked loudly on the floor.  A few moments later they were joined by another set.  Not the heavy, commanding step of Megatron. 

“Leaving so soon?” Chance called after him.

He shouldn’t stop.  He wouldn’t stop.  He stopped.

“That’s none of your business.”

“Didn’t say it was.”  Chance caught up to him and then leaned against the wall.  “But I’d like it to be.”

Starscream squinted.  “What are you on about?”

“You and Megs.”  He looked off at nothing, his gaze pensive.  “Seems like there’s some tension there.”

“What?  I—you—who are you to just come up to me—he’s my conjunx!”

“And he’s not fond of sharing, is he?”  Chance clicked his glossa.  “I’ve got my work cut out for me.”

“I don’t know what the frag you’re on about, but you’re—”

“Starscream.”

Frag.

“Oh, Megatron!”  Starscream smiled, hoping it would hide the blazing fear in his optics.  “He was just, I was, he—”

“Wanted to thank you for such a nice party,” Chance said.  “I was asking Starscream to pass the message along, but as luck would have it, I can tell you directly.”

“Hm.”

Megatron’s hand was on his waist again, but when it gripped hard this time, it wasn’t with lust.

Starscream’s spark plummeted into his tank.  He glared at Chance for ruining their perfect evening.  He seemed confused, but somehow managed to keep himself collected.

“I was just heading home for the evening,” Chance lied some more.  “You two have a nice night.”

Megatron said nothing as Chance somehow casually strolled away.

How much did he know?

“Let’s go.”

“Actually, I decided I want another drink.  Maybe a dance?”

All hope fled his field when Megatron loomed over him.  His voice somehow boomed even though he was whispering.  “We’re going home.  Now.”

Starscream shut his mouth as his field squeezed his frame and made him feel claustrophobic.  The arm around him didn’t help.  His plating heated and his vents felt like they were taking on water.  He wanted to say something to try and rectify the situation, but silence was usually the better option.

The safety of onlookers vanished as the door closed behind them, and Starscream braced himself for the worst.  He started heading towards the berth.  He hoped his frame twisting just the right way might make Megatron forget the rest of the evening.

“You said he was no one.” 

Of course, it was never that easy.

“He is,” Starscream said as nonchalantly as he could manage.  “I can’t help it if bots look at me.”

Megatron closed the space between them.  It took all of Starscream’s resolve to not run the other way, and even then, he took a step back.  His cold gaze kept him frozen.  Starscream couldn’t remember that gaze looking at him with love.  Not anymore.

“You were clearly talking to him at the party, and then right after you left, he followed you.”

“So?  I can’t help if they follow me either.”

“You were talking to him.”

“I wasn’t!  I don’t even know his name!  Can’t we just—”

“Can’t we just what Starscream?  Lie some more?  Run off with some seeker when my back is turned?  Do you think I’m stupid?”

“No, I—”

“You belong to me.”

Starscream ducked his helm when Megatron swung at him, but he wasn’t lucky the second time.  His right optic flickered, but it fixed itself in time to see Megatron come at him again.  This time, both of his hands roughly grabbed him by the waist.

He went to their berth whether he liked it or not.  He was glad to have wanted this before since it was clear there wasn’t going to be any foreplay.  No.  He might have been his conjunx earlier, but now he was a means to an end.  An outlet for his anger and lust.  He just prayed nothing would be too obvious.

Starscream landed hard on the berth.  Megatron was on him instantly.  Face down, aft up.  Most of his weight was on his newest dent and he couldn’t help but whimper.

“You’re not open for me yet,” Megatron said right into his audial.  He relented before he could say or do anything else.  He just wanted to get this over with.

No prep.  No touching.  Megatron got right to it. 

Starscream gripped the sheets hard and did his best to think about anything else.  But when his world was grey and grunting, it was hard to escape.

Megatron lifted Starscream by his neck, pulling him back until their plating was flush.  His fingers wrapped around his throat but just barely squeezed.  “Still so tight for me after all this time.”  He thrust into him, the gentlest he’d been that night.  Though that wasn’t saying much.  “It’s how I know you’re mine and mine alone.  You don’t need anyone else.  And who would want you anyways?”

Starscream swallowed.

Megatron kissed where his fist had met his face just minutes before.  “You’re nothing without me, Starscream.  You should be grateful that I keep you around.  That I give you this comfortable life.”

Starscream felt lightheaded and weak; easy for Megatron to mold as he desired.  His plating may as well have been aluminum or gold.  When he looked in the mirror, he expected to see his plating marred with the shape of Megatron’s fingers.  He didn’t recognize his silhouette anymore.  Every day he woke as a new stranger in his frame.

“Your pretty little valve will yield to me and me alone,” Megatron whispered in his audial when he relaxed his grip. 

“Yes, Lord Megatron,” Starscream rasped.

Megatron lowered them back down onto the berth.  He coiled an arm around his waist while the other kept them aloft.  He slammed his hips home, making guttural grunts.

“I love when you’re obedient.”

Starscream ventilated raggedly and pushed his hips back to help him along.  Anything to get this over with.  At least he’d been wet enough to take him easily.  He’d be sore in the morning, but hopefully not between his legs.

A quick thank-you was sent to Primus when Megatron’s movements grew erratic.  Almost frantic.  It signalled the end of this ordeal.  He played his part as best he could, and it was enough. 

“Tell me you love me,” Megatron demanded as he powered into him.

“Nn!  I love you.”

“Tell me I’m yours.”

Starscream bit back a sob.

“Tell me!”

“I’m yours!” Starscream screamed, and not from pleasure.

Like this sick fantasy tipped him over the edge, Megatron grunted and slowed, finishing with a few hard thrusts that left Starscream whimpering.  He got up shortly after and went right for the washracks.  Gone were the days of kisses and cuddling and slowly coming down from the bliss of overload together.  He didn’t get to feel warm and safe in his arms anymore.  He was left cold, alone, and wet.  He did his best to quickly clean himself and turn into berth before Megatron could decide if he wanted more.  Not that it mattered.  He always got what he wanted.  It was only a matter of how many dents he had to give Starscream before he got it.

Starscream was happy to wake up to an empty berth the next morning.  He sighed with relief, but it ended with a hiss of pain as he got up, finding out where all his new injuries were.  His optic flickered a few times as he blinked.  Slag.  Another visit to his medic…

He tripped over something as he left the room.  He had his pede up to kick his impediment far away when he saw the few sweets that had fallen out of the box.  The candy box.  A spark-blue candy box.  A shimmering spark-blue candy box.  A candy box you’d give to someone you were courting.

It couldn’t be from Megatron.  Even when things were good, he was never one to do something like this.  He needn’t try to win over what he’d already trapped.  Especially after last night.  Unless he felt bad about it? 

Morbid curiosity had him picking the box up.  Maybe they were for Megatron?  That thought had jealousy racing through his lines, despite it all.  If he had to be Megatron’s, he at least wanted the same back.

He opened the box, and inside was a note.  Whoever it was, they had beautiful penmanship. 

I hope these are to your liking, the note said.  That is, if you decide to eat them, of course.  They could be poisoned for all you know.  You’ll have to decide whether you take the chance or not.

Starscream’s spark flipped in his casing.  Of course they were from him.  He could hear the pause in the note after “chance.”  Had he named himself just for the wordplay?

He swiftly ducked back inside to find some place to hide them, and just before he tucked them as far back in a cluttered drawer as he was able, another wave of curiosity struck him, and he couldn’t help but taste one.  He almost wished it were poisoned.

And what sweet poison it would have been.  A long-forgotten sweetness.  It tasted of starlight and home and lazy nights tangled up with his trine.  Bittersweet.  He quickly gobbled down a few more and promised himself to dispose of the rest when he had a chance. 

A chance not taken.  Between his duties and doing his best to avoid his new cobalt shadow, they slipped his processor. 

“What’s this?”  Megatron threw the mostly-empty sweets box down on the table in front of Starscream. 

He could hear his spark pounding in his audials.  As levelly as he was able, he said, “A box of sweets?”

“Don’t play dumb.  Who are they from?”

What had tasted so sweet soured in his tank.  “I got them for myself!  Am I not allowed to treat myself?”

Megatron grabbed his wing and squeezed.  Hard.  The metal buckled and Starscream yelped.

“Don’t lie to me.”  He glared him down.  “It’s that seeker isn’t it?”

Starscream grit his denta until Megatron finally let his wing go.  It still throbbed, but he was glad for the pain to cover up his shock and fear.

“I’m not lying,” Starscream said.  “They’re energon sweets for Primus’ sake!  We’re at war and I just wanted to feel normal for one slagging minute!”  He tried to meet Megatron’s glare with an equally steely gaze, but he couldn’t hold it.  He shrank under him.  “I’m sorry.”

Megatron stared him down for a few more moments before he said, “We should turn in for the night.”

Starscream swallowed and hid it by turning his helm to turn off his datapad and set it aside.  He followed Megatron to their berthroom, and as he turned off the light and put his hands on Starscream, he whispered, “I love you.”

Megatron paused.  His hands continued their journey south, but a little more gently.  His kiss was softer, too.  Not like a lover’s, but not like an enemy’s, either.  The marks he left, while they still inflicted pain, weren’t just for the sake of hurting him, but for claiming him.  And all the while jealousy roiled through Megatron’s field and made his tank churn.

Starscream made it through another night.

“Hey, ‘Scream.  Can I call you ‘Scream?”

Starscream quickened his pace.  Chance followed suit.

“Did you like your gift?  Old seeker recipe.”  Chance grinned.  “Made them myself.  Sans poison.  I figured I’d save that for when I can actually see you eat it.”  When Starscream didn’t acknowledge him, Chance nudged him playfully, adding, “C’mon, ‘Scream.  Decepticon humour’s dark.  I could never take something so beautiful from the world.”

Starscream shoved Chance up against the wall, covering his mouth and stopping his incessant babbling.  Primus, he could feel him smirking.  “Stop talking you idiot.  Do you want to get yourself killed?”

Chance’s optics dimmed with concern.  He reached out and carefully touched the finger-shaped grooves on his wing.  Starscream flinched away, but it was obvious that that mark hadn’t gotten there accidentally.  His optics widened and for once Chance had nothing to smile about.

Quietly, horrified, he asked, “Did Megatron do this to you?”

“What?  Of course not!” Starscream snapped.

Chance’s optics dimmed.  “Was this about the sweets?”

“What do you care?”

“I’m so sorry, Starscream.”  He reached for him, but Starscream stepped out of his reach.  “I can stop, if you want.  Just tell me you’re not interested and you won’t see me ever again.”

Starscream glanced at Chance.  He was holding his ventilations, watching him with this hope in his optics that was hard to look at. 

“Why are you doing this?” Starscream asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?  I like you.”

Starscream couldn’t help but check fearfully over his shoulder.  He felt Chance’s field grow stronger, and when he turned back, he’d taken a step closer.

“Does he hurt you, Starscream?” Chance asked on a whisper.

At the sound of another bot approaching, Chance turned, and as soon as he did, Starscream transformed and flew away.  The dented part of his wing burned and he had to land shortly after that.  He looked at it forlornly, and it really did look bad.  Bad, and obvious.  He promptly took himself to his medic to get it straightened out, and they did it without questioning how he’d gotten such an injury.  He’d become somewhat of a regular.

Lifting his gaze when he saw some bots approaching, his wings followed suit.  He found himself smiling as he said, “Skywarp, Thundercracker!”

They stopped.  Skywarp smiled a little, but it looked forced, while Thundercracker regarded him coldly, crossing his arms.  Starscream’s own smile turned strained.

“Do you need something, commander?”

Starscream stopped a few steps from them.

“TC, c’mon,” Skywarp whispered. 

Thundercracker just gave him a look of nonchalance.

“I don’t need anything,” Starscream said, raising his guard just a little.  “And you don’t have to call me commander.  You know that.”

“Mmhm.  Well.  You should be getting back to Megatron, shouldn’t you?”

Starscream winced.

Nudging him with his shoulder as he passed, Skywarp said, “Never mind him.  He woke up on the wrong side of the berth today.”  He paused just before Starscream.  “How have you been?”

His smile returning, he was all but ready to spill everything.  With Chance, and… and Megatron.  And how he missed them and missed how things were and… and how he would already know all this if they had kept their sparkbond alive.  How he wanted nothing more than to share himself.  For them to be a part of him, and he a part of them.

His memories of Vos had grown dim.

Instead, Starscream hugged him.  When he felt Skywarp’s arms tentatively wrap around him, too, he whispered, “I’ve been good.  You?”

“Same ol’, same ol’,” Skywarp said.  Then whispered, “We miss you.  TC’s being a crankshaft and won’t admit it, but he does.”

Starscream hugged him tighter.  “I—”

“There you are.”

Starscream jumped away from Skywarp, whipping around.  “I was just—”

Megatron put his arm around Starscream’s shoulder.  “Catching up, were you?”  His hand gripped with restraint.  Not enough to make dents, but it certainly wasn’t comfortable.

“Yes, we were,” Thundercracker said.  He pulled Skywarp back, adding, “Sorry we kept him from you, my lord.  We just happened to run into him.”

“It’s always good to catch up with old friends,” Megatron said good-naturedly.  He gave Starscream a squeeze that looked gentle, but he had to stifle a yelp as his plating threatened to buckle. 

“Right.” 

Thundercracker turned, forcing Skywarp to do the same.  Starscream was lead similarly, though hopefully Thundercracker was gentler with their trinemate.  He remembered him being gentle.  And he always gave the best hugs. 

He hoped they were taking care of each other.

Starscream braced himself, physically and mentally, as he was all but shoved into their habsuite.  He stumbled, but stayed on his pedes.

“Am I not enough for you?” Megatron asked coldly.

“That’s not—”

“We both know loyalty isn’t exactly your strong suit, but twice in one week?”

A bit of anger bubbled to the surface.  “You know trine bonds are different!  It’s not in a romantic sense it’s—”

“A bond is a bond!” Megatron roared.  He pushed Starscream hard enough to send him into the wall, landing hard on the floor.  He pursued him, taking slow steps.

Starscream got to his knees and pulled his wings as close to his frame as possible.  “Please, my lord, they’re not… I don’t feel them anymore.  You’re the only one I’m bonded to.”  He swallowed and took a risk, exposing his spark.  “You can see for yourself, if you want.  You are my everything.”

Megatron watched him through slit optics. 

“I love you, Megatron.”  He put as much conviction into that as possible.

Megatron curled his hand around Starscream’s spark, and for a moment he thought he would make a fist and end it all.  Panic made his sparklight flare, but Megatron only caressed the pulsing crystal.

Megatron let his hand fall to his side.  “Keep it that way.”

Starscream quietly let out a sigh as Megatron went to their berthroom.  Starscream went to their washracks and took a long shower.  He wanted to wash every trace of everyone from his frame.  He wanted it to be his own, for once.  But no amount of solvent would wash away their bond, no matter how faint it had grown. 

Starscream looked up from his drink when he saw movement in his peripheries.  He stiffened and scowled as Chance sat on the barstool two down from him. 

“Starscream, what a surprise,” Chance said with faked surprise.  “I didn’t think you fraternized with us lowly soldiers.”

“What do you want, Chance?”

“Not even a ‘hello’?”  He frowned exaggeratedly.  “And here I was going to offer to buy you a drink.”

“I’ve got a drink, thanks.”

“I’m a patient mech.”

Starscream sighed, long and drawn out.  “Can I just have a drink without being bothered?”

“Of course, commander.  Let me buy you one and I’ll leave you alone.”  His smirk said otherwise.

“You don’t want to buy me a drink.  Trust me.”

“Sad drunk?”

“What?  No!  Chance, just—”  Starscream sighed, rubbing his temples.  “Just trust me when I say you don’t want to buy me a drink.  No one should.”

“Oh?”  Chance swirled his own drink thoughtfully.  “What if I told you Megatron has no idea that you’re here?”

“What are you talking about?”

Chance’s grin spread.  “I’ve got friends in high places.  Well, okay, that’s not true, but I have some very tech-savvy friends whose talents are woefully underused.  And I may have asked one for a favour so that no one would see us talking together and sharing a drink.”

“And who says I want to share a drink with you?”

Chance shrugged.  “You haven’t said you don’t.  You’ve only said that I don’t, which is the second biggest lie I’ve been told.”

Before he could realize that asking this would just lead to more talking, Starscream asked, “What’s the first?”

“That the Decepticons have a great benefits package.”

Starscream chuckled, in spite of himself.  Was he really not being watched?

“But seriously, Starscream, if it’s me you have a problem with, tell me to fuck off and I’m gone.  If it’s something else, well… you don’t have to worry about that.”  Chance leaned in a little closer, but still gave Starscream space.  “So what do you say?”

“Why should I trust you?” Starscream said.  “For all I know Megatron is hearing every word.”

Chance shrugged.  “I guess you won’t know.  But if I’m lying, then Megatron’s already heard this, which means he already knows I was with you, so you might as well actually do something worth getting in trouble for.”  His golden gaze softened as he leaned in just a little closer.  “The last thing I would want to do is put you in danger, Starscream.  He doesn’t know you’re here.  Promise.”

Starscream considered that.

“So.  Can I get you a drink?”

Starscream sighed and rolled his optics.  “Fine.”  He smiled.  “One drink.”

Chance celebrated exaggeratedly, pumping his fist in the air, and Starscream couldn’t help but laugh.  Must be the engex getting to him.  He ordered a drink for himself while he waited for Starscream to finish his and moved to the barstool right next to his.  Even with his own field tucked tightly against his frame, he still felt the prickle of Chance’s plating oh so close to his own.

He started chatting animatedly, as Chance was wont to do, and Starscream waited for him to make a move on him.  He was still mulling over how he’d react to said move, but it never came.  He just talked to him and occasionally asked him questions.  Starscream didn’t give him much to work with, but that didn’t seem to deter him.

Chance beamed.  “Looks like you’re done.  So, what can I get for you, Starscream?  What’s your drink of choice?”

The sweets on his processor plus his recent run-in with his trine had him asking for a Vosian drink.  He chirped his request, and upon seeing Chance’s confidence falter for just a moment, he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Whatever’s on tap.”  Starscream shrugged.  “I’m easy.”

Chance waved the bartender down and said, “I wouldn’t say that.  It’s taken me weeks to even get a chance to woo you.”

Starscream said nothing to that.  He gave him a half-sparked “thanks” and took a generous swig.  He slowed down after that.  As tempting as it sounded to drink until he just let his frame do what it wanted, he knew it was dangerous. 

Chance kept talking and talking and talking, and yet he never got bored of it.  The mech oozed charisma.  Annoyingly so.

Rudely interrupting him mid-sentence, Starscream pushed his empty glass forward and said, “Thanks for the drink.”

“That’s it?”

“And what were you expecting?” Starscream said as he stood.  “You wanted to buy me a drink and I let you.”

Chance clicked his glossa and shook his helm.  “How could I forget?  Always get your agreements in writing.  You got me there, Starscream.  Expect to hear from my lawyer in three to five business days with the contract for our next date.”

“Not a date.”

Chance clicked his glossa again.  “I’ll make sure he puts in that distinction, too.  I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed our not-date.  Have a good night, Starscream.”

Starscream walked quickly out of the bar.

He was just going to tell him to back off.  It wasn’t going to work—even if he was interested.  Which he wasn’t.  There was nothing about that infuriating smirk and his constant chatter and his glimmering, golden optics contrasting perfectly with the cobalt of his plating and—

Frag.

Chapter Text

“Fancy seeing you here, commander.”

Oh, no.

He knew he shouldn’t even acknowledge him, but the moment his too-familiar field grazed his plating, Starscream turned to meet golden optics.

“Now, I don’t have it fully in writing yet, but trust that my lawyer is hard at work drafting that contract.  But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a nice pre-courting chat over a drink or two.”

“You’re not courting me!” Starscream said through his denta, looking all around for prying optics.  Or cameras.  Same thing, really.

Chance’s smile turned more genuine.  “No one’s here and no one’s listening, Starscream.  I promise.  You can tell me how you really feel.”

“I don’t feel anything!”

Chance shrugged.  “Then tell me off.  Tell me to go frag myself and to shove some object into some orifice.  I can take it.  Unless…”  He got too close.  Not for Starscream, but for whoever else might be about.  “… you wanted to take a chance,” he paused, holding out his hand, “on me.”  That slagger smirked.

“You must have blown a gasket.  What makes you think I have any intentions with you?”

Chance shrugged.  “Mostly I’m just hoping, but you haven’t told me you don’t.  And since you seem like the type to immediately tell people off, I figured if you didn’t think I was the sexiest seeker you’ve ever seen, I would know by now.”

Starscream betrayed himself when his gaze moved to that hand again and looked for far too long.  His would slip into it so perfectly.  As much as he wanted to smile and accept his offer, he instead said, “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

Chance shrugged.  “Usually don’t.  But I think I can handle a cranky seeker.  Wouldn’t be my first time.  If memory serves, a good preening usually mellows them out.”  His optics darkened slightly, glimmering mischievously.  “Or there’s always… something else.”

Starscream’s face turned bright red.  He turned quickly, spark constricting as he hissed, “You’re a slagging idiot.”

“Ooh, a pet name already.  Don’tcha think you’re moving a little fast there, ‘Scream?”

“Look, Chance, I like—”  He gave him a quick glance over his shoulder.  Chance still held his hand out, but his smile had turned more genuine.  “Just… just trust me.  You’ll be better off if you keep your distance.”

Starscream started when he felt fingers on his back.  They retreated just as quickly as they came. 

“Is that what you want?” Chance asked quietly.

“It doesn’t matter what I want!”

“It does to me.  I can take care of myself.  I’ve got two million years of ‘surviving a war’ to prove it.”

Starscream scoffed, but he couldn’t help his smile.  The mech was so fragging charming.

Voice softening, Chance said, “I don’t want to put you in any danger, but I can’t just… I can’t just do nothing.  And I’m selfish, too.  Because I want you.  Damn the risks.  So I guess what I’m saying is, if getting to be with you means I have to watch my back a bit more, I’m good with that.  But if it puts you in danger…”  His hand returned to Starscream’s back, and this time he stayed still.  Chance gently stroked the area between his wings.  “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Starscream turned his helm as Chance stepped closer.  His field had completely enveloped him now and left nothing hidden.  Hope, worry, caring.  Warm and chaotic.  Exactly how Chance made him feel.

“What do you say, Starscream?” Chance said, barely audible.

“Please don’t do this, Chance,” Starscream whispered.  “Because I can’t.”

“Can’t… or won’t?”

His warm ventilations tickled the nape of his neck.  He wanted nothing more than to lean back into his touch and have him wrap his arms around his waist while he kissed his back, his wings, his everything.  He wanted his hands to know every inch of his frame.  He wanted to feel more of his gentle touch.  He wanted his chatter to turn into sweet nothings. 

He wanted it all.

Quietly, Starscream said, “Can’t.”

“You don’t want to be with him,” Chance whispered.  “You feel trapped, right?  Like there’s no way out?”

Starscream’s hands curled into fists and he grit his denta.

“If you don’t want me that’s fine.  I can take it.  Even if you do, you don’t have to say ‘yes.’  But let me help you get out at the very least.  I can’t watch him abuse you.  I just can’t.”

“He doesn’t—”  The words caught in Starscream’s throat as he whipped around, getting out of Chance’s reach and his intoxicating field.  He looked at the ground between them.  “It’s not like that.  He doesn’t always hurt me.”

“He shouldn’t be hurting you at all.  Anyone who loves you wouldn’t want you to come to any harm.  It might have been love once, Starscream, but it isn’t now.  You’re a smart mech.  I know you know this.  I know that you know that staying won’t fix anything.  That you need to leave him.  But you feel like you can’t.  I’m telling you that you can.  You can, and I’ll help you.  If you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine.  I want you.  I do.  But what I want the most is for you to be safe and happy, and it’s clear Megatron has failed on both counts.”

“You don’t know anything!”

Chance gently pulled him into a hug.  Starscream didn’t even bother to try and pull away.  He couldn’t.

“Does he hold you like this?” Chance whispered.  “Does he make you feel safe?”

Starscream bit his lip in a desperate attempt to hold everything in.  When he couldn’t suppress a shudder and Chance’s arms tightened around him, he had to return his embrace.  It couldn’t have been comfortable for Chance, but he didn’t complain.

“It’s okay to be scared.”

“I’m not scared!”  Starscream had to bite back tears as he dug his claws into Chance’s back.

“Course not.  You’re brave.” 

Starscream tried to find the sarcasm in his words, but he was either an expert at hiding it, or he meant it.

Chance sighed contentedly.  “I always wondered what hugging you would feel like.”  He hugged him just a little more tightly.  “I wish it could have been under better pretenses, but damn, if this isn’t a little slice of heaven.”

“Why do you have to talk so much?” Starscream said into his shoulder.  Could he feel him trembling?

“You could always shut me up.”

Starscream pulled back.  Not away, but back.  What a dangerous distance. 

Chance smirked at him, but somehow it was gentle and empathetic.  “Kiss me or kill me.  Either will work.”

“I hate you so much.”

“Then it’s a good thing I pre-wrote my obituary.”

“I hate how you make me feel you—”  Starscream shook his helm, diving in headfirst before he gave himself enough time to think.

Once Chance’s lips touched his, all of his sense fled his frame.  He deepened their kiss and desperately tried to pull him ever closer.  He moaned softly when fingertips grazed his wing.

Chance pulled away much too soon, checking over his shoulder.

“My room?” he whispered in question.

Starscream nodded quickly before kissing him again and, again, they stopped too soon.

“Ravenous, aren’t you?”  Chance’s hands settled on his waist.  “Believe me, I don’t want to stop, either, but I survived the war by knowing when not to push my luck.  Here.”

Starscream’s comm pinged with a new message.

“That’s where my room is.  Meet me there in ten minutes.  But take the long way around so no one gets suspicious.”

Starscream’s spark tightened when he remembered why they couldn’t.  Why he couldn’t. 

“He’ll kill you,” Starscream whispered fearfully.

“Over my cold, dead frame, he will.”

Despite his fears, Starscream snorted with laughter.  So attractive.  “Please, Chance.  I care about you too much to see you hurt.”

“Aw, you care about me?”  His teasing tone nearly covered up the ecstatic twinkle in his optics.  He cupped Starscream’s cheek briefly as he said, “Then meet me in my room so we can get away from any prying optics.”  He kissed his cheek.  “I’ll be waiting.” 

And then he was gone.  If the last of his warmth weren’t still making his plating ping, he might’ve written it off as wishful thinking.

He really shouldn’t.  He had to stop this before it became untameable, but…

Ten minutes later, he was at his door.

Starscream lifted his hand, lowered it, and then lifted it again.  He took a deep ventilation and knocked tentatively.  Almost immediately, the door opened a crack, and he slipped inside.  The door closed and the pitch was broken only by glimmering, golden optics.

Chance gently pulled him in by his waist.  “Is this alright?” he asked quietly.  “This, and the lights?”

Starscream nodded. 

“Okay.  You let me know if you’re uncomfortable or if we’re moving too fast, okay?”

He nodded again.

“Say it.  Please.”  He wasn’t commanding.  His words were soft.

“I will.”

Chance kissed him gently.  He whispered against his lips, “I’m not him.  You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

If only that were the issue.

“He doesn’t—”

“And you don’t have to lie.  If he’s letting you walk around with obvious dents, then he must be doing so much worse when you’re alone.”

Shame bled out into Starscream’s field.

“Oh, Star…”  Chance gently stroked his cheek.  “It’s not your fault.”

“You’re not saving me you insufferable…”  Starscream wanted to call him all manner of names, only some of which were scathing.

“I just want you to be comfortable with me.”

Starscream pushed him in the direction of his berth.  He wanted to get to the part where Chance would just shut up and make him feel good.  He didn’t want to talk.  Didn’t want to think. 

Chance sat on the berth with his back to the wall.  His hands only illuminated by the gorgeous golden glow of his optics, he motioned for Starscream to sit in his lap.  Chance wrapped his arms securely around his waist, taking a moment to just hold him and nuzzle into his back.

“You’re beautiful,” Chance whispered.

“Sh-shut up!”

He chuckled.  “Alright.  But only since you asked me so nicely.”

Chance sensually kissed his wings.  All the while, his hands stoked arousal as they caressed his frame.  They slid down to his thighs, getting so close, but not quite there.  Every almost-touch had Starscream shivering in anticipation while his vents hitched.  It was all soured when Chance’s lips met with a tender spot on his wing.  He tried to stifle the pain, but it twitched away of its own accord.

Holding his wing still, Chance whispered, “How many more of these are there?”

“Of what?”

Chance wrapped his arms around Starscream’s waist.  “The marks.”

Starscream stiffened.

“You don’t have to hide from me,” Chance murmured.  “I just want to know where I need to be gentle.”  He kissed his back between his wings.  “I’ll be everything he isn’t, Starscream.  Promise.  I’ll give you everything you deserve.  Not what he says you deserve.”

He wanted to go back.  He just wanted Chance to be kissing him and touching him and priming him for a good, hard frag.  Not… not this.

A hand came up over his thrumming spark.  “It’s okay, Starscream.”

Before he knew what was happening, Starscream was turned around and pressed flush to Chance’s chassis.  Tears poured from his optics.  And through the salty streams, he felt the press of careful lips.  Between every kiss, the quiet reassurance, “It’s okay.  I’m here.  You’re safe.”

“But you’re not,” Starscream said, barely audible.  He didn’t want to say it.  Didn’t want to voice his fears.  He’d take a million beatings from Megatron before Chance felt even a single blow.

“You’re worth the risk.”

Starscream shook his helm and then kissed him.  Again and again and again.  Selfishly taking what he wanted and putting him in harm’s way. 

His crying left him exhausted, but he was ready for Chance to try again once his face had dried.

“Does he expect you home?” Chance asked quietly.

“I… I don’t… he didn’t specifically say today, but…”

Chance thoughtfully stroked his cheek.  “I don’t want to let you leave feeling like this.  Do you think he’d react badly if you didn’t go home?”  He just stared at Starscream, hope and worry taking equal claim of his optics.

“I…”

“It’s okay if you need to go.”  Chance brought their forehelms together.  “Just stay as safe as you can.  But if things ever—ever—take a turn for the worst, you call me.  Right away.  I’ll get you out of there.  One day, for good.”

“Please, Chance…”  Starscream cuddled closer, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.  “If he finds out he’ll…”  He couldn’t finish that sentence.  He couldn’t even think about that.  No matter how much he wanted to stay right there, he couldn’t bear to see him come to harm.

“He won’t find out.”

“But if he does—”

“He won’t.”  Chance kissed his forehelm and for one, wonderful moment, all was right with the world.  Even when they were happy, had Megatron ever made him feel this good?  This safe?  “I’ll fight a thousand wars before he takes me from you.  Because I have to protect you.”

Holding his gorgeous, golden gaze, so determined, he shook his helm and whispered, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I promise you,” he cupped his cheek, “you won’t.”  And then Chance was kissing him and the world disappeared beyond his soft—soft—lips.  There was no crushing or pressing.  No anger behind them.  He wasn’t kissing him as a precursor, but for the simple want of it.  But try as he might, Starscream couldn’t help but tense up and shake.

“I hope that I can make you feel at ease, one day,” Chance whispered.  “You’re safe with me, Starscream.”

“I know that!” Starscream snapped.

“It’s okay.”  Chance didn’t raise his voice at all.  “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t.  It never could be.  Not as long as they were here and not as long as Megatron continued to function.  Neither of them could ever be okay.

“Pst!  Starscream!”

Starscream turned, confused, until he saw Chance wave from behind a pillar.  He motioned him over.  Starscream glanced over his shoulder.

“There’s a blind spot here,” Chance reassured him.  With a smirk, he said, “So you can kiss me if you want.”

“What do you want?”

“What else?  To take you out.  On an actual, proper date.”

Starscream checked over his shoulder again.  Still no one.  He scoffed.  “And where the hell could we possibly go?” he hissed.  “Even if you disable cameras bots will still gossip.”

“You ever been to the Hydrax Plateau?”

“You mean the place that’s been void of life for millennia?  No.  I haven’t had the privilege to lament the destruction of our planet.”

“You’re a bit of a downer, eh, Starscream?”  Chance smiled.  “Last time I checked, we haven’t conquered the stars, so I imagine they’re still there.  And the views from the Hydrax Plateau are unparalleled.  And the upside to the immense loss of life is no light pollution!  So, will you go on a stargazing date with me?  Provided I get to also do a little Starscream gazing.” 

Starscream rolled his optics at his stupid smile.  “Primus, fine.  Idiot.”

Chance sighed happily.  “I love it when you call me that.”  He gave him a quick peck on the cheek.  “Leave when you can.  I don’t mind waiting a bit.”

Starscream watched Chance leave, a giddy skip to his step.  He really was an idiot.

An idiot Starscream stayed up to see.  In a stroke of luck, Megatron turned in early, and he didn’t demand Starscream follow him.  It was as if the planets were aligning to give him this chance.

Oh, slag.  He was already rubbing off on him.

He left a note saying that he was going for a flight.  Hopefully Megatron would never actually read it, but at least he had his alibi sorted.

He transformed once he left the base, and once he was in the air he decided to at least not totally lie.  His cramped wings sighed with relief as they felt the rush of air and his spark sang from the thrill of flight. 

Maybe next time he’d invite Chance out just to fly.

Once he’d gotten his fill of temporary freedom, he made his way to the Hydrax Plateau.  He hoped Chance hadn’t been waiting for him for too long.  However long it was, he didn’t seem to care.  Starscream could see his smile long before he landed.

Chance got to his pedes, rushing over to Starscream as he transformed to root mode.  He took both of his hands in his.  “You came.”

“I said I would, didn’t I?”

“I’m just happy.  And still in a little disbelief that this is actually happening.  This is actually happening, right?  I’m not in some extended dream where I manage to sweep you off your pedes and we’re happily conjunxed with three sparklings?  Because let me tell you, that dream’s getting a little old.”

Starscream pinched Chance’s wingtip.

“Ow!”

“I think you have your answer, then.”

Chance bit his lip.  “Careful, Starscream.  You might send the wrong message if you keep that up.”

“I am not fragging you out in the middle of nowhere.”

“Who said anything about fragging?  But, since you did bring it up…”  Chance gave him a mischievous smile, but before Starscream could say anything he kissed his cheek and turned around.  He kept his hold on Starscream’s hand, leading him to the cliff’s edge.  He sat first, giving Starscream a beaming smile before he joined him.

Chance gave a little sigh as he tilted his helm back.  “Dumb clouds are out here trying to ruin our date.”

Even though a good number of stars were obscured, Luna 1 and Luna 2 shone through in an eerie, but beautiful, way.

“Ah, well.  I guess that just means more Starscream gazing.”

Starscream tried to ignore the gold in his peripheries.  Hopefully he couldn’t see the red tingeing his cheeks.

“You know what?  I think I prefer this,” Chance said.

Starscream glanced at him.

“How are you this beautiful?”

“You don’t have to compliment me.  I’m literally on a date with you.”

Chance chuckled, though there was a tinge of sadness to it.  “That doesn’t stop you from being beautiful.  Plus, you flutter your wings when you’re happy and it’s adorable.”

Starscream noticed himself doing it this time.  He tried to hide the motion by swinging his wings back.

“Oh, look, the clouds are clearing,” Starscream said.  He relaxed a little when Chance’s attention turned to the sky.

“Wow…”  Chance shook his helm with wonder.  “Doesn’t matter how many times I see them, stars are always such a gorgeous sight.  Almost makes me want to scream at them.”

Starscream rolled his optics.  He saw Chance smirking out of the corner of his optic.

They fell into semi-comfortable silence.  Starscream actually started to worry that something might be wrong with Chance the longer it stretched on.

“Really makes you feel small, huh?” Chance mused.  The gold of his optics had softened to the point that it looked like two of those stars had fallen to grace his face. 

“No,” Starscream said.  “Most of the universe is uninhabited.”

“Exactly.  There’s so many stars and planets and just… space.  So much emptiness.  But we were given the gift of life out of all the other atoms out there.  We were put together in just the right way that we can marvel at that fact.  But we’re still such a small part of it all.”

“I take it you’re religious?” Starscream asked, a bit of disdain in his tone.  He regarded Chance levelly.

Chance cocked his helm.  “Aren’t you?  I thought pretty much every Vosian was.”

“I used to be.  But what god could look at all of this,” he gestured to the barren land, “and not do anything to stop it?  How could they let their people suffer?”

“What kind of free will would we have if Primus came along and solved all of our problems?”

Starscream sighed.  “Can we change the subject?”

Chance shrugged.  “Okay.  Why’d you join the Decepticons?”

“What?”

“Why’d you join?  Everyone’s got a story.  What’s yours?”

“Why’d you join?” Starscream deflected.

“My trine,” Chance answered without hesitation.  “For revenge.  You were there.”

“What?”

Chance chuckled.  “I don’t expect you to remember me.  There were a lot of bots recruited that day.  Well, not a lot, but a lot given the circumstances.”  He turned his gaze skyward.  “I lived in Nyon for most of my life.”

Nyon.

For some reason, that city name overwhelmed him with guilt.  He slid his hand over Chance’s, who gave him a bittersweet look.

“I had been on a trip away from my trine and Nyon,” Chance explained.  “For something so stupid, too.  I loved them, but I wanted some space for a little bit because you know how trines are and—”  Chance’s voice caught in his throat.  He swallowed audibly.  He gave Starscream a small smile when he squeezed his hand.

“I still can’t decide if I’m glad I wasn’t in the city when it burned.  I guess I feel like I cheated death.”  He sighed.  “Anyways.  The day I was set to return was the day it all went down.  I… I felt them.  When they…”  Chance bit his lower lip when it started to wobble.  “I didn’t want to believe it.  I convinced myself that something bad had happened, but not that.  They couldn’t be dead.  When I flew back, I saw the smoke.  I’ve never seen so much smoke in my life and I hope I never do again.  But, stupid, hopeful me still convinced myself that I’d find them.  Maybe injured, but alive.  It was only once I saw the burning rubble of what used to be our home that I couldn’t deny it anymore.  They were gone.

“And that’s when Megatron found me.  And I guess some other bots who had survived the blasts.  He was offering them the chance for revenge and the chance to overthrow the bots who had done this to Nyon.  You were the one to approach me.  Guess you were trying to get the seeker vote.”

Even Chance realized his attempt at humour fell flat, and they were silent for a while.

“I had been so shocked and just… I didn’t know what to do.  And I’ll never forget what you said to me.  Well… to everyone, but it felt like you were just talking to me.  You said: ‘you don’t have to sit idly by.  It feels like they have power over you, but you could just as easily turn that fire against them.  If you pledge your allegiance to the Decepticons, we can give you that chance.’

“You gave me that chance.  You gave me my name.  I hadn’t really had one before that.  Never one that stuck, anyways.  I admit I was a bit starstruck.”  The next smile he gave Starscream made him look more like himself, but it was still tinged with sadness.  “If I’m honest, I’ve had a crush on you for an embarrassingly long time.  I admired your ambition and how you kept on going without your trine.  Kinda gave me hope, I guess.”

Starscream snapped his field back to his frame, and his hand followed suit.  Chance pursued him, both in frame and field.

“What’s wrong?  What did I do?”

“I have a trine,” Starscream whispered, anger seeping into his tone.

“You… do?”

“Is that so surprising?”

“I mean… kind of.  I never see you with anyone else and trines are… well they’re trines.”

“Well.  I guess they can’t all be sunshine and rainbows.” 

“Hey, Star, I’m sorry.”  Chance stopped just short of his hand.  “I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Whatever.”

“Who are they?”

“Does it matter?” 

“Are they Decepticons?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because you do.”  Chance rejoined their hands, and Starscream didn’t pull away.  “What happened?”

Starscream sighed harshly.  “Why does it matter if you know them or not?  They’ve made it clear that they want nothing to do with me so its not like you’ll need their approval.”

A sly grin spread on Chance’s face.  “So, you’d take me home to meet the trine, hm?”

Starscream swiftly turned his crimson face away.  He had the unintended reaction to turn his grip vice-like on Chance’s hand, and he squeezed back.

“Hey.”  Chance’s teasing tone fell away as his field reached out for Starscream’s.  It overwhelmed him with empathy and offered him a warm comfort.  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.  I don’t need their approval.  Just yours.  And I want to know who they are because they were, or are, special to you.  Star, I want to know everything about you.  Good and bad.  I want to know you.”

After a long stretched-out silence that Chance didn’t try to fill and after a billion thoughts raced through Starscream’s processor, he spoke their names aloud.

“Skywarp and Thundercracker.”  He said it in their native tongue.  The language he’d first spoken them.

Their names tasted like home.

Chance’s wings perked up and his optics glimmered like gold.  “I love your accent,” he said, also in Vosian.

Starscream snickered when he heard how clunky his clicks were. 

Chance switched back to Neocybex and said, “Yeah, yeah, I know.  I’m rusty.  And it’s not true Vosian.  But I never even saw Vos back when it was… well, Vos.”  His optics dimmed a little.  “I always told myself I’d visit.  Maybe stay a while.  I’d kinda hoped that I’d learn how to speak properly.”

Chirruping quietly, Starscream said, “You’re relying on your voicebox too much.  Think emphasis, not source.”  He trilled an example.

Chance looked at him the same way he’d been looking at the stars.  “I could listen to you all day.”

Starscream couldn’t help his happy trill.  And, of course, the fluttering of his wings.

“Can you teach me?”  Chance shifted closer.  “I want to be able to speak to you this way.”

“It’s a dead language.”

Chance shrugged.  “You seem pretty alive.”

Starscream rolled his optics.

“Okay, fine, you don’t have to teach me.”  Chance pouted.  “But maybe?  You could just talk and I’ll glean what I can?”

Starscream sighed, but it ended on a smile.  He cuddled up to Chance and whispered words he hadn’t spoken since Vos.  He told him all about the life he used to have and how much he missed his trinemates and how he would give anything for just one more day.  He didn’t know how much Chance actually understood.  He almost didn’t care if he knew everything.

He stopped after a while.  Just kind of trailed off.  He was about to fall into recharge when Chance spoke up, doing his best to emulate Starscream’s accent. 

“Hello.  My name is Chance.  Where can I get some energon?”

Starscream snorted a laugh.  “You new seekers make the rest of us look bad.”

Chance joined him in a laugh, and then in a tender kiss.  “Nah, you’re just old.”

Starscream playfully smacked him.

“Mm, but you look good for your age.”  Chance rolled them over and away from the edge, until Starscream was on top, straddling him.  “Plus, I like a mech with experience.”

“Well someone has to teach you.”

Chance feigned offense.  “I’m hurt, Starscream.  Wounded.”  He dramatically threw an arm over his helm.  “Wounded!  I will never recover!  Only a kiss from the most beautiful mech in the entire universe will ever heal me!”  He peeked up at Starscream, a single golden optic glinting with mischief.

Starscream shook his helm, smiling.  “You’re a dork.  I don’t know why I hang out with you.”

Chance smirked.  “That’s because you like like me.  I’d even say you’re smitten.”

Starscream scoffed sarcastically.  “Like I would have a crush on you.”

“That’s because it’s not a crush.”  Chance’s optics glimmered.  “You’re in looooove.”

Starscream kissed him quickly before he could give that much thought.  Whether he was or he wasn’t, both options would be painful.

Chapter Text

They were careful to sneak back into the base.  Chance assured Starscream multiple times that his friend Chatter was looping camera footage, but he still made them come back separately.  It was only once they were back behind the safety of Chance’s closed door that they could be together again.  So perfect.  So right. 

“Starscream…”  Chance ran his hands down Starscream’s frame.  His optics followed their path and beyond; a hunger grew in golden optics.  “I want you.”

Starscream laughed, rolling his optics.  “Duh.”

“I want you,” he repeated.

“I heard you the first time, Chance.”

“Last time, you…”  Chance hooked his thumbs into Starscream’s hip plating, gently tugging him a little closer.  “I want you to feel good with me.  I want you to be comfortable.  I don’t know what he…”  He brought his wandering hands back to his waist, sighing.  “To be blunt, I don’t want to trigger you.  And I’m not sure you even know what your triggers are, so…”

Starscream took Chance’s hands off of his frame and held them instead.  He lightly swung them as he thought.

“Chance.  I’m not some broken mech.  You just caught me on a bad night, okay?”

“I know that, Star.”

“So then what’s the problem?  I want you to frag me into the berth.”

Chance chuckled, finally holding Starscream’s gaze.  “I just want you to set the pace.  You tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”  His grin grew sultry.  “Order me, commander.”

“Ooohh…”  Starscream pulled Chance close.  “I could get used to this.”

“But, I want a safe word.”

Starscream half-sighed half-growled.

“Just in case.  Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.”

“Ugh.  You’re lucky you’re cute.”

He smirked.  “I get that a lot.  So.  Can you think of a word that is so unsexy that the mere utterance of it would have any bot’s spike depressurizing so fast it might melt from the friction?”

Starscream laughed while wincing a little. 

“I’m talking so, so unsexy, that my array’ll dry up and rust shut.” Chance leaned in close, chuckling to keep Starscream’s laughter going. 

Starscream rested his forehelm against Chance’s.  He shook his helm a little.

“A word that’ll make me perpetually unhorny.  I’ll need therapy to even look at my own spike after hearing that word.”

“Shut up,” Starscream said affectionately.  “Acid.  There.  Can we get to fragging now?”

“Hm, I dunno… acidplay can be kinda hot.”

“Why do I have a feeling that you’re at least a little into every fetish?”

Chance laughed and kissed him.  “What I’m into is you.  And since I don’t know what your fetishes are, I gotta cover my bases.”

“Right now, my fetish is gagging you so you can’t say anything else so we can actually get to fragging.”

“Alright, alright.  The safe word’s ‘acid.’  If you’re uncomfortable at any time, you say that and we stop.”

“That’s if we even get there.”

Chance shook his helm with a smile.  “Always so impatient.”  He kissed him, his hands sliding down to his hips so he could carefully guide Starscream to berth.  He sat first, looking ready to pull Starscream down over him when his brow furrowed.  “Maybe I should…”

Starscream sighed frustratedly.  “What?”

“I think you should spike me.”

Starscream groaned.

“I know, I know, you didn’t want to do any of the work, I get that.”  Chance gave him a slag-eating grin.  “But if you lay back and show me that spike of yours, I will take care of everything.”

“I thought I was supposed to be ordering you?”  Starscream raised an optic ridge.

Chance’s optics darkened with lust.  “Oh?  Still up for that?”  He laid down on the berth, putting his arms above his helm and spreading his legs.  Between them, his modesty panels shifted away.  Glistening, puffy valve lips ringed with the same inviting glow of his optics greeted him.  His biolights pulsed faintly.  Calling to him.  Practically begging to be fragged senseless.

“Are you just gonna stare all night?”  Chance squirmed.  “You’re such a tease.”

Starscream watched Chance’s hand slide down his frame, towards those tempting biolights, lightly circling his anterior node.  He moaned exaggeratedly.

“Now who’s impatient?”

Chance shrugged.  “What can I say?  One of my best traits is that I’m a huge hypocrite.”

Starscream rolled his optics and climbed up on the berth beside him.  His hands fell on Chance tentatively.  “It’s, um… been a while.  Not!  Not like at all, just…”

Starscream shrank in on himself a little.  Interfacing had become a thing that just happened to him.

“I might not be… good,” Starscream confessed quietly.

“Hey…”  Chance reached up to stroke Starscream’s cheek.  “For me, interfacing is about the bot I’m with,” he said softly.  “So, you don’t have to worry.  If I’m with you, it’s going to be good.  It’s going to be great.  And if I’m honest, rough frags aren’t really my thing.  Don’t get me wrong, every now and then it’s great to just let off some steam, but… I’ve always preferred slow and tender with mechs I…” 

The shy smile Chance gave Starscream was so endearing and so…

Starscream’s spark skipped a beat and he held his ventilations.  There was something he really wanted to tell Chance in that moment—that perfect moment—but he couldn’t find his voice.

“If you’re gentle with me, it’ll be fine.”  Chance lifted himself off the berth a bit, and Starscream met him halfway in a shaky kiss.  Starscream did everything he could to express what words couldn’t.

Pulling back, Starscream swallowed.  He trailed a shaking hand down Chance’s frame.  He relaxed under his touch with a sigh, closing his optics so only a sliver of gold shone through.  His frame arched just a little and his vents caught as Starscream’s fingertips met with slick metalmesh.

Chance spread his legs a little further.  Starscream hesitated, worry seeping into his field, but it dissipated when Chance softly moaned.  He circled the rim of his valve, gathering up some lubricant, then carefully—carefully—pushed a finger inside.  The welcoming warmth sucked his finger deeper, deeper, setting alight a ring of nodes.

“Just one?” Chance asked, his voice taking on a sultry tone.  “I can take more than that.”

“I thought I was supposed to be gentle?” Starscream teased.

“Hey, even big mechs can be tender lovers.  I guess you haven’t had the pleasure of such an experience?”  Chance froze.  “Shit, Starscream, I didn’t—”

Starscream kissed him and slipped a second finger in.  Chance’s calipers cycled down on them and he moaned into Starscream’s mouth.

“I have, actually,” Starscream said against his lips.  “At the beginning of the war.  It wasn’t often, but that’s not to say the other times were bad, but…”  He met Chance’s gaze.  A concerned gaze, but still glazed over with lust.  “I get what you mean.”

Chance’s gaze bounced from one of Starscream’s optics to the other, but when he got a third finger in his greedy valve, they rolled back into his helm.

“How do you like it, Star?” Chance asked on a whisper.

Starscream hummed, low and happy.  “I like it like this.  With you.”

Chance shuddered and sank back into the berth.  “Say it again.”

Starscream rolled his optics, but smiled.  “I like it with you.  I…”  He swallowed his next words and instead focused on pushing his fingers as deep as they would go.  Chance gasped when he hit a cluster of nodes.  He found that particular cluster again and again, stroking it with his fingertips.  Feeling him.  Hearing him.  Watching this beautiful mech come undone.

This beautiful mech wanted him?

Carefully leaning down over the pretty package that he was unwrapping with his optics, Starscream kissed him.  Chance did little but mouth at him, moaning against his lips.

And then he moaned his name.

Starscream burrowed into the crook of his neck.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been with someone who was so happy to be with him.  Had Megatron ever moaned his name?

He had to flood his field with lust and need.  Hopefully Chance wouldn’t notice the hint of fear.  The fear of losing this.  Chance was like a sip of energon after coasting on fumes, and he might never get to truly savour his taste.  He might not feel his triple-filtered love flow into his lines like it had been there since he was forged.  That there was a mech who could easily cut off his supply.  That he—

“Oh, Starscream…”

Chance pulled him from his thoughts.  He kissed his neck and found that cluster again.

“There!  There.”  Chance’s optics rolled back into his helm.  “Frag, Star, you’re good with your hands.”

Starscream kept crooking his fingers in a “come here” motion.  He lifted himself up so he could watch Chance’s face, alight with ecstasy.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop,” Chance said between ragged ventilations.  He gripped the sheets, his thighs shivering. 

As if he could.  Not while Chance panted and moaned and his face twitched, unable to hold an expression long enough to register.  His optics would open and then Starscream would ask him to “come here” again, and they’d squeeze shut as charge crackled across his plating.  He rocked his hips to Starscream’s rhythm.  Taking him deeper, deeper, just shy of aching ceiling nodes.

A few more pumps in and out, and Chance was arching up in overload.  His voicebox glitched and moments of silence punctuated his gasping moan. 

Starscream stroked a sparking cluster of nodes, keeping Chance on that blissful crest.  He slowed his movements, until he was just barely present.  Chance’s back followed suit, coming back down in little increments.  And then he smiled.  A beautiful, blissed-out smile. 

“Frag, Star.  I can’t remember the last time I had an overload that good.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Chance,” Starscream said.  He managed to only sound a little irritated.

Chance shook his helm.  “I wouldn’t lie to you about that.  If you were terrible, you’d never try to get better and then what?  I’m stuck with sucky overloads?  I don’t think so.”

Starscream laughed.

“Seriously, Star.”  Chance met his gaze.  “That was really good.  I hope I can make you feel that good, too.”

Starscream let his glistening fingers slide out, giving Chance’s node one last, teasing rub.  He licked them clean, really selling it.  He moaned quietly and watched Chance squirm some more.

“Don’t keep me waiting.”  Chance’s gaze dropped to Starscream’s array.  “Let me see that spike of yours.”  He subtly bit his lip.

Even knowing that they basically had the same frame type, he still worried.  What if he wasn’t enough?  What if Chance had expectations he couldn’t meet?  What if—

“Hey.”

Starscream started at the hand touching his cheek.

“Acid?” Chance said in a question.

Starscream shook his helm.

“What’s on your mind?”

He shook his helm again.

“Talk to me, Star.”  He softened his gaze even more than he already had.  “You know you can tell me anything.  And if you didn’t know, then here’s me telling you that you can tell me anything.  Anything.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” Starscream admitted quietly. 

“Star, you’d have to do something crazy, like, welding my valve shut before you’d scare me off.  Hell, even then.  I’m crazy about you.  I can’t imagine a scenario where you disappoint me.”

“Is that one of your fetishes?”  Starscream smiled.

Chance perked up.  “Why?  You got a welder?  Don’t hold out on me, Star.”  He started searching his frame, but instead of a welder, he found Starscream’s ticklish spot.  He doubled down when Starscream started to laugh uncontrollably, squirming away from his hands.

“Stop!” Starscream said between laughs.

“Not until you give up the goods!” 

Starscream flailed, accidentally whacking Chance in the face.  After a moment of panic from Starscream, Chance laughed.

“I deserved that.”

Starscream laughed some more, kissing where he’d hurt.

“Will you frag me now?”  Chance gave him a soft look.  “Seriously.  I want you so bad.”

Starscream bit his lip.  He nodded.

Chance was shaking with lust as he settled back down on the berth.  His optics never left Starscream’s as he spread his legs once more.  Lubricant coated his inner thighs.  The wet, silvery sheen was spreading before his optics.

“You’ve either gotta frag me now or leave so I can deal with this myself,” Chance said.  “You’ve got me so wet and I don’t think I can resist you much longer.”

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” Starscream asked, a little mystified.

Chance’s optics widened and he half-hid his face behind a hand.  “You think I’m beautiful?”

Starscream nodded as he crawled up Chance’s frame.  “So beautiful.”

Starscream went to kiss him, but stopped when Chance’s field retracted a bit.  His face fell.

“Sorry, I… I won’t call you that if you don’t want me to.”

“No, no, it’s not that.”  Chance stroked his cheek.  “Please, call me beautiful.  I think that’s my second favourite thing you call me.  Juuuust shy of ‘idiot.’”  That made him smile just a little.  It stayed there, only turning somber, as he half-closed his optics.  “The last bots to call me beautiful were my trinemates.”

Starscream actually looked shocked.  “Are you serious?  I mean, come on, Chance, we’re seekers.  Let’s not kid ourselves, here, you and I both know most bots find us hot as hell.”

“Hot, sure.  Sexy?  All the goddamn time.  But beautiful?”  Chance shook his helm.  “Nope.  Not since them.”

“Well, you are.  You’re beautiful and you’re mine and—”  Starscream’s wings fell a bit.

“What’s wrong, Star?”

“Sorry, I just… I didn’t mean to call you ‘mine.’”

Chance chuckled.  “But I am.”

Starscream shook his helm.  “You’re your own mech and I don’t want you to think that you’re not.”

“I’m yours, Starscream.  I want to be yours.  I will get your name carved into my spark chamber.  Because you’re the one who has my spark.  Now, and forever.”

“You’re such an idiot.”  Starscream kissed him to shut him up.  But then, his lips and his hands on him said so much more.  His name was already on his spark, and if he went looking, he’d find Chance’s on his own.

“I would love to talk to you like this some more, but after you’ve fragged me.  Because I was willing to recharge in the wet spot, but at this rate, we’ll be lucky to have a dry spot.”

“Aw, you’d recharge on the wet spot for me?”

“Anytime, baby.”

“My, what a gentlemech.”

Chance pulled Starscream down over him.  He kissed him hungrily and pawed at whatever plating he could reach.  He spread his legs further, further, trying to get Starscream between them.

“Show me your spike already,” Chance said, low and sultry.  If a bit impatient.  He found the heated covering, and at Chance’s touch it sprang forth into eager hands.  Even at the awkward angle, he stroked it.  Spread the beading prefluid.  “Primus, I need this inside me now.”

Starscream just kept kissing him, delaying them for some reason.  Maybe fear.  Maybe trepidation.  Or maybe he was afraid of how good it would be, and how going back to Megatron would just make it so much worse.  To feel a slap after such tender touches.  Roughness where hands had fallen gently.

“Please, Star,” Chance begged.

Well… no turning back, now.

Starscream met little resistance as he slipped his spike inside.  As soon as the head met with sparking ceiling nodes, Chance’s calipers cycled down snugly.

Starscream gasped and gripped the sheets.  He had to focus on his ventilations to keep from overloading right then and there.

“Can you pinch me?” Chance asked.  “Because this is too perfect to be real.”

Instead, Starscream kissed him and wrapped his arms around him, scraping his claws down his back.

Chance shuddered and did the same, but lightly.

Starscream started to thrust, falling into this role so easily, so happily, it was hard to believe this was their first time.  Only the twinge of nervousness in their fields betrayed that.  Perfectly imperfect lovers.  Seemingly written in the stars on a chance encounter.

“Oh, Primus, Starscream…”

“Chance,” Starscream gasped his name.

He burrowed into the crook of Chance’s neck, gently rocking his hips.  Slow, gentle, but mind-blowing.  Every inch of his plating was flush to Chance’s.  He could both hear and feel Chance’s racing sparkbeat.

“You feel so good, Star.”  Chance moaned softly.

Starscream had to stop.  His spike ached, but he wanted this to last.  Regretfully, he slowed, but held himself close. 

“Something wrong?” Chance asked.

“Just give me a minute.”

“Star… we can stop if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable!”  Starscream pushed himself off, looking away as embarrassment flooded his field.  “I just don’t want to overload too soon.”

“Damn, I didn’t know my valve was that nice.” 

Before Starscream could get too miffed with him, Chance kissed his scalding cheek.

“Hey.  It’s okay.  Let’s try a different position, then.”  Chance patted his hip.  “Sit with your legs crossed.”

Still avoiding his gaze, Starscream did just that.  He had to look at him when Chance climbed into his lap, wrapping his legs around Starscream’s hips.  He lifted up just enough to find Starscream’s spike and sink down onto it.

Chance cupped Starscream’s cheek, looking deep into his optics.  “All I need you to do is hold me, kiss me, and enjoy.  I find it a little harder to overload in this position when I’m spiking, but if you do, you do, okay?”  He gave Starscream one of the first kisses he expected to get.  “Even just a little bit of this will be enough for me.  Because it’s with you and you’re holding me, and…” 

“You’re just a big sap, aren’t you?” Starscream teased.

Chance smiled, hiding in Starscream’s neck.  “I just really like getting to be this close to you.”

Starscream chuckled and hugged him a little more tightly.  “I’m starting to think your real fetish is cuddling.”

Chance chuckled as he moved his hips just enough to get some friction.  His fingertips dug into Starscream’s back.  He never wanted him to let go.  He never wanted such a perfect moment to end.  He wrapped his arms more tightly around Chance and thrust just enough for him to feel it.

“I’m so close, Star,” Chance whispered.

His calipers started to ripple and it wasn’t long before Starscream was gasping from a sudden overload.  As soon as he came down from the high, he found Chance gazing at him lovingly.

“Lean back,” Starscream said.

“I’m okay, Starscream.”

“I said: lean back.  That’s an order.”

Chance bit his lip as lust surged out through his field.  Starscream was on his anterior node as soon as he could see it, rubbing it before his spike completely depressurized.

“Oh, frag.”  Chance moaned and gripped the sheets. 

“I want to see you come, Chance,” Starscream said.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop.”

Starscream could feel the charge crackling across his plating.  Chance squirmed, ecstasy taking over his face.  He rocked his hips just a little, praying that he could stay hard long enough to please his lover.  But his spike slipped out, letting loose a dribbling mix of their fluids.  He cursed to himself, but he had another hand, so he replaced his spike with three fingers, and did what a spike never could do.  He found that node cluster again, and after asking him to come here without words, Chance screamed his name in overload.

After laying there, panting, for about a minute, Chance smiled. 

“Wow, just… wow.”  Chance sat up and shimmied up the berth, turning his frame to face Starscream.  “You make me feel so good.”

Starscream rolled over so he could kiss him.

Chance smiled sloppily.  “Primus… it’s been so long since I’ve fragged someone I actually cared about.”  He covered his face, his smile growing giddy as he giggled, of all things.  He rolled over onto his side, laying an arm across Starscream as he nuzzled into his neck.  “Was it good for you?”

Starscream found himself giggling and covering his face, too.  “You’re asking that like I’ve actually had the option of having a good frag.”

Chance’s field sat a little more heavily on them.

“Yes, Chance.  It was good.  It was amazing.”  He rolled over so he could kiss him.  He kept at it until he felt Chance smiling again.

“Can I spoon you?”

“Can you spoon me?”

Chance subtly bit his lip, his smile growing wider.  “Yeah.  I like to spoon after fragging.  To be fair, I like to do it in general, but especially after fragging.”

“You’re serious?”

“Dead serious.”  His wings fell a bit.  “If you don’t want to, it’s fine.”

“I didn’t say that.”  Starscream rolled onto his side, facing away, feeling Chance’s ecstatic field embrace him before his arms did. 

“I could stay here forever,” Chance whispered.

If it weren’t for the kisses Chance left on his wing mount, Starscream would have easily fallen into recharge.  As much as he wanted to, it was good that he didn’t.  He had to make sure he was back before too much time passed.

Chapter Text

“I’m so excited to introduce you to my friends!  They’ve been bothering me ever since I told them we got together.”

“I still don’t think this is a good idea.”  Starscream hesitated, checking over his shoulder again.

“They’ll love you.”

“That’s not usually what happens.”

“If anyone even thinks one bad thing about you, I’ll kick their aft.”  He took Starscream’s hand in his.  “Seriously, they’ll love you.  Now, c’mon, I want you to meet them before they’re too drunk.”

Starscream didn’t protest, but he didn’t share in Chance’s optimism.  He silently let himself be led to a run-down corner of the base.  Abandoned, really.  Maybe they’d love him because they were the type to hang around… here.

“Okay so this is going to seem really sketchy but I promise it’s better on the inside.”

“Said every serial killer ever.”

Chance stopped and pulled Starscream in for a gentle kiss.  “I have no doubts that if I did turn out to be a serial killer, you’d take me out first.”

Starscream considered that, smiling and touching their forehelms together.  “True.  Alright, totally-not-a-serial-killer, lead the way.”

One more kiss found smiling lips.  “Just one more before they tease us.”  He said one more, but it was closer to a dozen as he wrapped his arms more securely around Starscream.  Not that he minded.

“I’m never going to get tired of this,” Chance whispered.  He actually stole one more kiss, finally pulling away.

Hand-in-hand, Chance ducked into a crack in the wall that they just barely fit through.  It comforted him knowing that the only way Megatron could follow them was by breaking through the wall.  He kept a tight grip as the light faded and then brightened, and just beyond he could hear voices chatting and laughing.  He felt both relief and his plating clamping down with anxiety when they emerged.

“Hey y’all,” Chance greeted them.

Starscream avoided all the new optics on him by looking around the room.  It was small in square-footage but the ceilings seemed to go on forever.  It seemed like the last remaining corner of what had been a large hangar.  Large chunks of wall and rubble sat at the edges.  One relatively square piece had been repurposed into a bar, already lined with empty cans and dirty glasses.  Another few they used as chairs and benches, though they’d brought in some more comfortable seating, too.

“Krasher, get out of my seat,” Chance said as he led them over.

A purple grounder with enough dents and scrapes to justify their name said, “First-come, first-serve.”

“Nuh uh uh,” Chance waved a finger at them, “I have a guest, and guests get priority, and Starscream already told me he wanted that seat, right sweetspark?”

Starscream flushed at the pet name.  “Yeah, whatever.”

“See?  Move your aft before I make it concave.”

Krasher huffed, but moved to the only seat left, which was just a relatively flat rock.

“After you,” Chance stood aside to let Starscream in.  The couch wasn’t exactly comfortable, but certainly better than what Krasher had.  More comfortable than being the centre of attention, too. 

“So, you’ve met Krasher.  Steer clear of them once they’re drunk, unless you’re okay with someone bumping into you every two seconds and also singing very poorly and very loudly.”

“Says the mech who starts dancing on tables after three drinks,” Krasher said.

“I’m a cheap date.  That’s a good quality.  Starscream doesn’t need to empty his bank account to get me to be a little slutty.”

“Aren’t you always a little slutty?” a silver speedster pointed out.

Chance looked mildly offended.  “I’m hot.  I can’t help it if I look slutty to the outside world, Chatter.”

Starscream stiffened.  “But if she’s—”

“Don’t worry, Starscream,” Chatter said.  “As far as Soundwave knows, this place doesn’t even exist.  It was walled in when they renovated this place, and I’ve since shielded it.” 

Starscream opened his mouth, but before he could voice his next concern, she said, “I’ve also got a mock-up of your signal attached a drone flying around the wastelands.  So, if anyone asks, you were out for a night flight.”  She smiled.  “You can relax tonight.  He won’t find out.”

Knowing that, Starscream turned to Chance and said under his ventilations, “How much did you tell them?”

“Just what they needed to know.”  Chance gently massaged his wing mount.  “There’s no judgement here, Star.  They’re just glad that they won’t have to hear me going on and on about my crush on you.”  He smirked.  “Now they have to hear me go on and on about how happy I am to be with you.”

Starscream shoved him bashfully, feeling his face redden.

“Get comfortable, have a drink, forget about the war for a little bit,” Chatter said.  “That’s what this place is for.”

Chance put his arm around him.  Soon enough he had a drink in his hand and a smile on his face, settled more comfortably against Chance. 

Starscream just listened for a while.  And he watched Chance laugh.  It was like he was meeting him for the first time.  He was actually getting to see Chance.  Not that he hadn’t been seeing the real Chance all this time, but all he’d known of him was the witty, sarcastic, totally in love with him Chance.

“So, Starscream!  What do you like to do for fun?”

“Hm?”  Starscream turned at Chatter’s voice, but he hadn’t understood a word.  “Sorry, what?”

She smiled.  “Too busy staring at Chance, hm?”

Starscream turned a deep crimson and he saw Chance smirking out of the corner of his optic.

“I’m only teasing.  And he is pretty cute.  For a seeker.”

“For a seeker?” Krasher chimed in.  “Last time I checked, seekers were the pinnacle of sexy.”

“I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing.”  Chatter smiled good-naturedly.  “Anywho.  I was just asking what you did for fun.”

“Oh.  Well, I… not much.  We are at war.”

Chatter waved her hand dismissively and tutted.  “Not in here, we aren’t.  But if you’re going to be like that, what did you do for fun before the W word?”

Bittersweet memories of Vos came to him.  Their celebrations and rituals and games all surfaced like it was yesterday, but he knew it wasn’t.  And it would take so long to explain and they just wouldn’t… get it.  In the end he shrugged.  “Still not that much,” he lied. 

“Well, I, for one—”

“Primus, please, no,” a spindly silver bot interrupted Chance.  His limbs looked as easy to snap as rust sticks.  “Anything, Starscream, just say anything so we don’t have to listen to—”

“Excuse me, LT, but I was speaking.”  Chance imitated a snooty bot.  “I’m so sorry, Starscream.  He can be so crass.”

“LT?” Starscream questioned while the bot in question rolled his optics.

Chance got a wicked grin.  “It’s short for—”

“Don’t even say it.”

Just barely holding in a snicker, Chance leaned down and whispered, “Lasertaser.”

Starscream covered his mouth but couldn’t stop from laughing.  Thankfully, he wasn’t the only one.  All but the aforementioned Lasertaser were laughing raucously.  No doubt the engex was helping them along.

“Not all of us get the cool names,” LT muttered before taking a swig of his drink.  “Or turn into jets.”  Then he got a wicked grin on his face.  “Chance, don’t you think I should show Starscream how I got my name?”

“What’re you gonna do?  Transform and hope you’re perfectly pointed at his optics?”

His smile grew and his red optics sparkled with mischief.  “Oh you didn’t hear?”  He raised a hand with fingers that were nearly as thick as his wrist.  “I got a few upgrades so that I can work alone now.”  Blue electricity danced across his knuckles.

Chance actually looked a little afraid.  “Hey, LT, it’s all in good fun, right?  Plus, we have company.”

“No, no, please.”  Starscream scooted away from Chance.  “I’d love to see a demonstration.”

Chance slid down the bench and picked Starscream up and deposited him in his lap.  His field sparked with mischief as his arms wrapped firmly around his waist.  “You’ve forced my hand, Starscream.  Or should I say, Shieldscream.”

Starscream clicked his glossa.  “Listen, LT, if he weren’t so cute I’d let you have him, but I guess I can’t have you ruining his pretty face.”

Chance squeezed him tighter, bashfully hiding his face against Starscream’s back.  Though he couldn’t do much to hide the fluttering of his wings.

“Chance isn’t even that cool of a name,” Chatter said.  “Let’s be honest, we were all scraping the bottom of the barrel.  Like, Chatter?  It sounds like the name of a gossip rag.”

“You’ve got to admit that Chance’s name story is sweet, though,” Krasher said.

Chance slid Starscream off of his lap, avoiding his gaze and his friends’ as he stood.   “Anyone need a refill?”

“Awww, he’s blushing,” Chatter teased.

Starscream did, too.  How much had Chance talked about him?

“What?  No, I’m just feeling warm from all the engex.”

“Uh huh.”  Chatter grinned.  “Has he told you that story, Starscream?”

His blush only deepened as he became the centre of attention.  “Yeah, he, he did.”

“Awwww how sweet,” LT playfully mocked him.

Starscream sipped his drink to avoid their gazes.

“I still can’t believe you’re actually with him,” Krasher said.  “Not that Chance isn’t a catch—he is—but, c’mon, Starscream, you could have anyone you want.”

Starscream put his drink in his lap and suddenly he couldn’t taste the sweetness of the engex.  Only the bitter aftertaste.

“Krasher!” Chatter hissed out of the corner of her mouth, punching their arm.

“Oh.  Oh, right.  Sorry.”

Starscream just shrugged.

“What Krasher meant to say was that we can’t believe that after centuries of pining—and I mean pining.  Longing stares, sighing, the whole bit—he actually got up the courage to talk to you.  He went on and on about how bumping into you that one day was fate and that he just had to go for you.  We all made bets on how many times he could bother you before you stabbed him.”  Chatter chuckled.  “But we’re happy to see him so happy.”

“Really?”  Starscream laughed, too.  “Well, I did think about stabbing him a few times, but, you know, cute face and all.”

“Do you still think about stabbing me?” Chance asked as he came back, smiling playfully.

“Mm… only when you’re really annoying.”

Chance chuckled.  “You must get stabby thoughts a lot, then.”

Starscream gave him a quick kiss.  “The more I’m with you, the less I get.”

Chance seemed to short-circuit.

Starscream laughed and finished his drink, switching it for the one Chance had brought him.

“I’ve gotta admit, Starscream, I had you pegged all wrong,” Chatter said.

The guard he’d let down came racing back.  “Oh?”

“Well, to be fair, you are our commander.  So all we’ve really seen is you barking orders and scowling.  I never got what Chance saw in you.” 

Starscream wanted to say something scathing, and he nearly did, but Chance nuzzled against him.  These were his friends.  He had to make a good impression.

Chatter smiled warmly at him and clinked their glasses together.  “But you’ve got a sense of humour.  I might even dare say that you’re nice.”

“Woah, let’s not get crazy,” Chance said.  “Starscream’s definitely an aft, but he’s my aft.”

“Sorry, maybe that was a little blunt,” Chatter said.  “I just wanted to say that we’re happy to have you here.  And happy that Chance is your problem now.”

“I wouldn’t call him a problem,” Starscream said a little too honestly.

“Then you don’t know him well enough yet,” LT said, smirking.

Chance laughed boisterously. 

“Well, if he does become a problem, I can always let Megatron deal with him.”  Starscream laughed, but when he came down from it the room had grown quiet and still.  Even Chance had tensed up beside him.  Starscream stared down at his drink as he felt his face and wingtips redden.

“I could take Megatron, easy,” Chance said, breaking the silence with a forced chuckle.  He put his arm around Starscream. 

His friends laughed, too.  Nervously.  Likely to be polite.

“I do appreciate everything you’ve been doing for me, Chatter,” Starscream spoke through his embarrassment.  “I don’t remember the last time I felt this… safe.”

This new silence was far more sympathetic. 

“If you need anything, you let me know,” Chatter said.  “Any friend of Chance is a friend of mine.”

“Boyfriend, I’ll thank you very much,” Chance corrected.

Though it wasn’t a lie, Chance announcing that made Starscream’s tank churn with guilt.  He had to swallow to keep his engex down.  He hid it by leaning more on Chance.

“Okay!  I’m ready for shots!” Krasher announced.  They were already tipsy enough to have lost their volume control, if Starscream’s audials had anything to say about it.  “Who’s in?”

“I’m in,” Chatter said.

“Me, too,” said LT.

“Starscream?” Krasher asked.

“I’ll stick with this, thanks,” he said, raising his glass.

“Same with me.”  Chance nodded towards the bar.  “You three have your fun.”

“That was such a stupid joke,” Starscream chastised himself once they were out of audial range.  “I told you bots don’t tend to like my company.”

Chance gently pulled him in for a chaste kiss.  “I think that one just hit a little too close to home.”  He glanced over at his friends.  “They’ve told me they’re worried about what might happen to me if he finds out.”

Starscream all but crushed Chance’s hand.  Chance’s other hand did the opposite: resting on top of Starscream’s gently.

“Which he won’t.  We’re being careful.  And if Megatron is anything like other abusers, I imagine he wasn’t very trusting of you before this?”

Starscream shrugged, avoiding optic contact.  “We all get jealous.”

“Feeling jealous is one thing.  Inhibiting your partner’s freedom because you can’t control your feelings is another.”  Chance sighed.  “Let’s not talk about this tonight, okay?  This is where we come to have fun and forget about everything outside of this room.  So that’s how I want you to live tonight.  Be yourself.  Forget about Megatron.  Love openly.”  He cupped his cheek and gazed at him adoringly.  “It’s what I’m gonna do tonight.”

He made it sound so easy.  His duties as second-in-command took up so much of his idle thought.  Not to mention the weighty shadow of Megatron that clung to his frame.  But then Chance would kiss him and he’d get that moment of peace.

“I’ll try,” Starscream said.

“That’s all I ask.”

Starscream snuggled a little closer to Chance.  They sipped their drinks while Chance did what he did best: filled the silence.  He told him stories about him and his friends, even some that involved all the pining Chatter mentioned.  It was still so surreal.  How could Chance even want him?

“Why the face?” Chance asked.

“Hm?”  Starscream forced his optics to focus.  “Oh, it’s nothing.  I get a little spacey when I drink, is all.  I’m listening.”

Chance kissed his forehelm.  “It’s alright if you tune out.  I’m just happy to have someone to talk to.”

Starscream shook his helm.  “I wanna listen to you.  Your voice is just so calming.”

Chance gave him a wobbly smile and nuzzled against him.  The initial bump was a little too hard, and given how giggly he was getting, Krasher was right about him being a lightweight.

Starscream started at the sudden burst of music.  He flapped his wings, feeling them redden with embarrassment, and turned to watch Krasher cheering on Chatter and LT as they threw back a row of shots.

Chance stood excitedly, teetering a little.  “C’mon, Star!”  He held out his hand.

“What?”  Starscream took his hand despite his confusion, and before his swirling processor knew what was happening, he was swaying along to the song in Chance’s arms.  An awkward, drunken dance, but a dance nonetheless.

The beat was too fast for a slow dance.  Not that it really mattered, given that Chance had no intentions of following any sort of beat or rhythm.

“What I would give to have met you before the war,” Chance whispered.  “I would have courted you properly.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm.”  Chance had a sloppy smile on his face.  “I bet you display beautifully.”

Starscream puffed out his chest a little.  “Naturally.”

“Mm…”  Chance held Starscream right to him.  At this point they were just hugging and gently swaying.  Completely off-beat and not caring one bit.  Now, with his mouth right by Starscream’s audial, Chance whispered, “One day we’ll do a whole shebang.  You can doll yourself up and display for me and I’ll try to win you over and then… then maybe we can try for a sparkling?”

That sobering question had Starscream freezing and pulling away.  “What?”

“Not right away,” Chance clarified. 

“Chance… Chance we can’t.”

“Sure we can.  In fact, I think us not having a sparkling would be a disservice to Cybertron.”  Chance pulled him back into his embrace and Starscream held himself still.  “At the very least, you not having any more would be a disservice.”  He kissed the side of his helm.  “If you want, of course.  But I’d be honoured to make sparklings with you.”

This new, dangerous idea in his helm, Starscream smiled.  It was preposterous, of course.  Their war-torn planet was barely habitable for fully grown mechs, let alone sparklings.  And every medic’s knowledge had been focused on closing wounds and nothing else for the last two million years.  But, Primus… just the idea of starting a family with Chance.  It painted a beautiful picture that was painful to look at for too long.  It was like getting a glimpse into someone else’s life.  A life he could only envy from afar as he tread down his inescapable path, never to permanently join up with Chance’s.  This was just a brief crossing. 

“I’d like that,” Starscream whispered, almost too quietly to hear.  He felt Chance smile against him before pressing another kiss to his helm.

“Get a room!” Krasher shouted, much to the amusement of the group.

“I did!  You’re the one who won’t leave,” Chance shouted back.

Starscream laughed against Chance’s shoulder.

“I could die happy right now,” Chance whispered beneath the raucous laughter. 

Starscream hugged him a little more tightly.

“Actually, no, that’s not true.  In a few moments I can die happy.”

Starscream’s spark pounded in his audials as Chance held him away just enough to see his face.  Golden optics regarded him warmly above a beaming smile.  He couldn’t tell if it was Chance or the high grade in his system that was making the world fuzzy.

“Starscream?”

He swallowed and choked out, “Yes?”

“Starscream,” Chance savoured his name, cupping his cheek, “the most beautiful and brilliant mech I have had the honour of knowing.  And the honour of knowing.”

“I’m—”

“Shh.  I’m not done.”  He seemed to realize his words were a bit sharp from his intoxication.  “You can speak all you want in a moment.  Just listen for now.”

Starscream’s whole frame shook.  He felt panicked and excited and warm and like he needed to flee but had to stay. 

“Starscream of Vos, I—”

“Shit!  Chance, someone shot down the drone!  Get Starscream out of here!”

Chapter Text

Chatter hadn’t finished speaking before Chance literally swept Starscream off his pedes and flew them out of there.  He basically shoved Starscream through the crack, sending sparks flying as he scraped his plating.  Before he could say another word, Chance had him in his arms again, flying them outside.  He didn’t have time to complain that he was capable of flying himself when Chance set him down.  The engex had him stumbling a bit, but Chance quickly righted him.

“Go,” he shout-whispered.  “Just go somewhere you’d normally go then fly back to base.”   Those warm optics had turned steely and worried.  He quickly gave him a kiss and too long of a look before he ran and took off back the way he came.

It didn’t help that Starscream didn’t regularly go anywhere anymore.  Panicked and worried, he did the only logical thing his processor could come up with at the moment: flew to the wastelands.  Hopefully whoever had shot down the drone did so because it was a drone and not because they were shooting at whatever happened to pass. 

Either way, he made it there with no problems.  Aside from the fact that he’d had enough engex to make flying dangerous.  He wasn’t drunk, but if he needed to react quickly, he’d be screwed.

After circling around for a bit, and thankfully not getting shot, he raced back to the compound.  He slipped back in through the hangar.  More luck was on his side to find it empty, and he made it back to Megatron’s quarters after passing only a couple of frontline troops who respectfully avoided his gaze.

Starscream steeled himself before the door, his excuse hanging off of his glossa, and he gave a relieved sigh when he found the place empty.  Thank Primus for lengthy meetings.

His nerves were too shot to try and recharge, and he was worried Megatron would smell the engex on him.  So, he threw back a few rations, and took a quick shower.  He regretfully scrubbed Chance from his frame.  He filed the memories away, falling back into his role.

Megatron’s second-in-command.  Megatron’s conjunx.  His to have and to hold and to frag his anger away.

Well.  Better to be proactive, then.

Clean and dry, Starscream buffed himself to a shine, so that when a cranky Megatron came home, he found his conjunx splayed across the berth with a come-hither look.

“I’ve been thinking about you all night,” Starscream lied, his voice sultry.

Megatron smiled at him predatorily.  “Have you, now?”

Starscream nodded.  “Get over here and spike me, big boy.”

Starscream was the perfect actor.  He moaned when he needed to and curved his frame into Megatron’s waiting hands.  All the while he kept his optics closed, imagining Chance in Megatron’s place.  It helped him through, and fortunately Megatron was too tired to be too rough.

“Starscream.”

“Primus!”  Starscream dropped his datapad in surprise.  When he saw Chance’s helm poking out from a storage closet, he quickly checked down the, thankfully, empty hall.  “What?” he demanded as he picked up the datapad.  He frowned, finding a crack.

Chance just gestured for him to come in and then stepped back into the darkness.  After one more check, Starscream followed.

“What—”

Cupping Starscream’s cheeks, Chance pulled him in for a quick, but passionate, kiss.  When their lips parted, he brought their chassis flush to each other.

“I’m so glad to see you’re okay.  I’ve been worried sick.”

“I’m fine.  I’ll always be fine.” 

“Did he say anything?  Do you think he knows?”  Chance pulled back, searching Starscream’s optics for the answer.

“Chance…”  Starscream put a hand over his racing spark.  “You’d know if I wasn’t okay.  Megatron can’t just off his second-in-command without somebody noticing.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“For Primus’ sake, Chance, no.  I’m fine.”

Chance sighed with relief.  “Thank Primus.”

“He didn’t even notice I was gone.”

Chance cupped his cheek and just looked into his optics for a little while.  “You will tell me if anything happens, right?”

“Chance, it’s not… he’s not—”

“Please don’t defend him,” Chance begged.  “He’s warped your perception of things and that’s not your fault, but please… just tell me if he does anything.”  He gently kissed his forehelm.  “I just want you to be safe.”

If Starscream didn’t have somewhere to be, he might have argued a bit more.  “Fine.”

“I’ll see you later?”

“I can’t tonight.” 

“Tomorrow?”

It hurt to look into Chance’s optics for too long.

“I’ll try.”

“I can find an excuse for you.”

Starscream smiled.  “Okay.”

Chance kissed Starscream’s cheek.  “Tomorrow, then.  Stay safe.”

Tangled up in Chance’s berth once more, Starscream grabbed Chance’s hand and put it against his scalding panel.  It shivered.  He wanted to let it slide away and let Chance have his way with him.  Because his way cared about him.  His way wanted him to feel good.  But he was a coward, so he just trembled and hoped Chance would take over and order him.  Maybe then he could do it.

“Star…”  Chance moved his hand away.  “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”  Starscream hated how whiney he sounded.

Chance rested his forehelm against Starscream’s.  “You know I would be fine if that panel never opened,” he whispered. 

“But you want to.”

“Of course I do.  I want all of you.”  His hand moved a little closer, but not touching.  “But I won’t feel good if you don’t feel good, and Star, I…”  He sighed.  “I want our time together to be peaceful for you.  I don’t want you to have to think about him.”

“I don’t.  You’re the one who keeps bringing him up.”

Chance sighed.  “Okay.  Compromise.”  He shifted down the berth, optics on that tiny bit of plating causing all this frustration.  “Because I’d bet shanix that he hasn’t done this in millennia, if he ever did it at all.  I go down on you.  If you’re fine, then we can work our way up to it.”

Starscream smiled.  “I like the sound of this ‘compromise.’” 

Chance hooked his hands around Starscream’s thighs, holding them in place.  He licked up the seam of the panel.  “Open for me, Starscream.”

He thought he might overload from those words alone.

The wet feel of Chance’s glossa lapping at his swollen node had his wings slapping against the berth.  It was nearly too much.  Nearly.  He involuntarily tried to squirm away from his eager mouth, but Chance held him firm. 

Chance gathered up the lubricants from his drooling valve and savoured how he tasted.  He pushed his face deeper into Starscream’s valve and moaned against him.

Starscream grabbed at a fin on his helm with nearly enough force to bend it.  Chance chuckled against him.

“Good, I’m guessing?” 

In response, Starscream shoved his face back where it belonged.

Chance hummed contentedly, closing his optics. 

Starscream’s grip loosened.  Instead, he pet Chance’s scalding finials, only digging his claws in when Chance made him feel particularly good.  As he learned his frame, the grips became more frequent until the petting stopped altogether.

Steam puffed from Starscream’s vents.  Condensation dripped from his thighs until Chance was able to lap that up, too. 

Starscream arched up from the berth, panting, managing to get out almost-words as pleasure made his plating rattle.  He couldn’t help but moan.  He knew he needed to be quiet, but Chance lavishing his valve was more than he could take.

Chance popped up with a smug smirk.  “Still good?” he asked cheekily.

Too lost in ecstasy, Starscream couldn’t match his sass.  He just nodded emphatically and lifted his hips.

“Primus…”  Chance turned his helm and kissed both of Starscream’s thighs, just below the joint.  “You don’t know how happy you make me.”

“You were making me feel quite happy just a moment ago.”  Starscream shifted closer, lifting his hips even more.  His array throbbed with need as it slowly bled off charge.

Chance kissed his thigh again, chuckling quietly.  “I’ll get right back to that.  But first... I want to say something.”

Starscream shoved his helm back down before the fear could reach his face.  He intentionally let out a loud moan and focused on the pleasure.

Chance sighed, half-contentedly, half-disappointed.

“I love how you make me feel, Chance,” Starscream whispered. 

Chance didn’t lift his helm, but he stroked his thigh with one hand and grasped Starscream’s with the other.  There was a little less enthusiasm in his movements.  His biolights glowed dimly.  His field, while still thrumming happily, had a staticky edge to it that nipped at his plating.

“I’m so close, Chance,” Starscream whispered.  He softly moaned his name a few more times, trying to brighten the spirit he knew he was dampening with his avoidance.  But he didn’t want to ruin what they had here.

Chance paused briefly, humming into his plating.  “You’re so beautiful.”

Starscream barely had the chance to squirm before he felt his lover’s glossa once more.  His ventilations came in little gasps.  Ratcheting up as his back arched and his wings fluttered.  Sparks glittered across his plating as the charge grew and grew, pooling deep within his core before Chance sent it spilling out of him in a surge of pleasure.  His whole frame shook, and for a moment he felt as though his spark had spread out through his lines and consumed his corporeal form.

Starscream shivered back to reality, blinking the stars from his vision and feeling Chance’s calming weight pressing against him.  He knew it was partially because all of his recent overloads had been mostly accidental, but he could not remember ever feeling this good afterwards.

“Chance… Primus, that was…”  He shook his helm, still not fully back.

Chance kissed Starscream all over.  Each one brought him a little higher, until he met with Starscream’s hungry mouth.  He pulled Chance flush to his frame, tasting himself on his glossa.

“You’re so beautiful,” Chance whispered.  His optics had dimmed to a warm amber full of adoration.  “I could spend the rest of my life watching you overload.”

“Then will you frag me now?”

Chance chuckled.  “Okay, okay.  Sorry, Starscream.  I’m just being cautious.  Because I—”

“I know, I know you don’t want to hurt me.”

Chance sighed.  “Yes, and that.”

Starscream avoided his gaze.

“But if you’re sure, then I would want nothing more than to make love to you.”

Starscream swallowed.  He met that loving gaze with his own.  “Frag me, Chance.  I want to feel you like this.”

Chance nuzzled against him, his field enveloping Starscream. 

“I love being here with you,” Starscream murmured.  He knew he was basically torturing Chance with his words, but he just… he just couldn’t.  Not now.  Not yet.  They had it so good.  He didn’t want that to change.

“Then stay here with me,” Chance said.

Starscream sighed.  “I will.  For now.”

Chance sighed, too.  “I should’ve known you’d never make this easy for me.  But you’re worth it.”  He kissed his forehelm.  “Whatever you need, I’ll give you.”

“In that case, I need your spike,” Starscream said cheekily.

Chance rolled his optics and smiled, lowering himself flush to Starscream’s chassis.  He treated his frame as though it were made of glass.  Every touch was gentle, and the way he looked at him… like he was something to be marveled.  He was even more careful as he lined himself up, concerned optics on Starscream’s face.

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

“You make us have a safe word for a reason,” Starscream said, impatience leaking into his tone.

Chance’s gaze turned fond.  “Alright.  I’m going to keep checking in, though.  So get used to that.”

Starscream rolled his optics, but smiled.  He did his best to relax, closing his optics and focusing on Chance’s warm field enveloping him.  He flinched when Chance rested his hand on his chest, but after a few gentle strokes he was practically purring.  His spark followed his careful fingers and made him feel light as air.  And just a little bit disoriented.  Like a few sips of engex on an empty tank.

“You ready?”

Starscream nodded.

“Okay.  I’m going in.”

Starscream’s vents hitched as Chance gently entered him.  The hand on his chest kept massaging his seams.

“Keep going,” Starscream whispered.  “I’d forgotten how good this could feel.”  He met Chance’s gaze and he gave him a bittersweet smile.

“You’re so beautiful, Starscream.”  Chance shuddered out a ventilation as he pushed deeper.  “And you feel so good.”

Starscream gestured for Chance to come down to him, and as their chests came together, he fully sheathed himself inside.  He felt full and whole and so, so happy.

Lips microns from Chance’s audial, his words were soft as he said, “Your optics are gorgeous.  I’ve never seen any so gold and I can’t stop looking into them.”  His voice took on a slight quaver as Chance began to gently rocked his hips.  “You’re so, so good to me.”

“This is how a lover should treat you.”  Chance kissed his neck.  Slowly.  Sensually.  He filled Starscream with starlight and painted nebulas across his cosmos. 

Starscream held him tight to his frame.  He moaned to coax Chance along and his hips moved just a little faster.  The only thing that could make this perfect was to offer himself wholly to Chance.  If only his spark weren’t bound to another.

“I’d bond with you if I could,” Starscream whispered. 

“You already have.”  Chance kissed up his jawline until his lips were microns from Starscream’s audial.  His words were so soft.  Meant only for him.  “You found your way into my spark all those millennia ago and you never left.”

Starscream felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“Starscream?”  Chance stopped, lifting off of him.  When he saw his glistening optics, his own turned sad and guilty.  “We can stop.”

“No!  No, please, it’s not…”  He shook his helm.  “I just haven’t felt this happy in so long and I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t, Starscream.  I promise you.  Because I—”

“Can we just get back to fragging?”  Starscream pulled Chance back down into his embrace.  He just wanted to stay in this soft, magical little world Chance had made for him. 

“Not until I’m sure you’re okay.”  Chance hugged him tightly.  “It won’t be good for me if you aren’t enjoying yourself.”

“And I keep telling you I am!” Starscream snapped.

Chance carefully wiped away his tears.

“I’m fine.”  He swatted his hand away and grabbed his helm to pull him down for a kiss.  He rocked his hips and arched his frame, moaning into his mouth.

Chance still looked a little worried as he pulled away, but he moved to match Starscream.  Not stopping, he tried again to wipe away his tears, and this time Starscream let him. 

“Harder,” Starscream demanded, trying to distract from all this fragging emotion.

“No.”

“No?  I’m fragging fine, Chance!”

“No, because I want to frag you gently.  Not because I’m afraid of hurting you, but because I want to savour you.”  He stroked up Starscream’s thigh, pushing it back so he was spread further.  “Because I lo—”

Starscream quickly pulled Chance back down into a kiss.  It started off hard and fast, nipping at his lips, but Chance quieted him.  Slowed him.  He deepened their kiss and moaned into his mouth and pressed his frame ever closer to Starscream. 

Chance ground their arrays together, pressing at Starscream’s node.  It made him gasp and release Chance.

Careful kisses fell upon Starscream’s neck and chest, instead.  Chance whispered sweet nothings into his plating that Starscream could just barely hear.  But he didn’t care.  The timbre of his voice said it all.  Praise and confessions fell upon his frame and made his field thrum in a frequency he hadn’t felt in millennia.  It was all too perfect.  And perfection always slipped through Starscream’s fingers.

Chance coaxed him to a gentle overload, and the first few moments were liquid bliss in his lines.  Unfortunately, when his calipers started to clamp down old aches turned it painful.  He winced and dug his claws into Chance’s back.

“Starscream?  Did I hurt you?”

Starscream shook his helm.  “Not you.”

Chance swore under his ventilations.

“It’s fine.  I’m fine.  Just an old ache.  Keep going.  I want you to overload, too.”

“Hell, no.  I’m not hurting you.”  Chance pulled out, and it was both a relief and an annoyance.

Starscream growled.  “I said I was fine.”

“Doesn’t mean you actually are, though.”  Chance laid down beside him and stroked his chest and belly.  “It was good for me, Star.  It was great.”

“You don’t have to lie to me.”

“Never.”  Chance kissed right over Starscream’s racing spark. 

“Mhm.  Right.  Because everyone I’ve ever been with has just loved stopping right before they overload.”

Chance sighed.  “C’mere.”  He opened his arms, waving his hands every few seconds until Starscream rolled over, resting his helm on Chance’s chest.  “Starscream, I mean it when I say that I enjoy every moment I spend with you.  I’d be happy even if we were just sitting here in berth together.  Am I still kinda horny?  Yeah, I can’t lie about that, but last I checked, you can’t die from being horny.”

“So then let me do something for you,” Starscream said.

“You don’t have to, sweetspark.”

“Well, maybe I want to, did you ever think of that?”  Starscream slid a hand down his chassis, hearing Chance’s vents catch as he wrapped his hand around his spike.  “You talk like this is all one-sided.  I care about you, for Primus’ sake.  I want to make you feel good.  Stop treating me like I’m broken.”

“Alright.  I’m sorry, Starscream.  I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.”

“Then trust me to tell you if I’m not.”

Chance hesitated a few moments more before relenting.  “Alright.”

“Good.  Now lay back and enjoy, because I’ve been told I have a good mouth.”

“You sure they weren’t just trying to shut you up?” Chance teased as Starscream crawled down the berth, hungry optics on Chance’s twitching spike.

Starscream made him eat those words as he effortlessly swallowed the length of his spike.  He flicked his gaze up, knowing how most of his previous partners loved when they made optic contact.  Apparently, he was a little too good, though.  Chance had thrown his helm back, panting hard. 

Starscream felt the tentative touch of Chance’s fingers on the back of his helm.  He lifted his helm to speak, giving his spike a last, teasing flick.

“You can hold my helm, if you want,” Starscream said, gesturing with his helm and meeting with Chance’s hand.

“But won’t—”

“I literally just told you that you can.”

Chance sighed.  “Right.  Okay.  I am sorry, Starscream.  I don’t mean to make you feel bad about any of this.  I just want you to enjoy this.”

“Don’t you worry, Chance.”  Starscream dropped his voice deep into his chest.  He smirked when Chance shivered with arousal.  “I love sucking spike and all that entails.  Including being held down while you frag my throat.”

Chance revved his engine, his optics taking on a hungry glow.

Never breaking optic contact, Starscream slowly sank down on his spike again.  He took a quarter.  Then a half.  Then three quarters.  And when he was about to take that last bit of length, Chance’s hand pushed him down until he kissed his modesty panel.  He gave little thrusts, probing into his hot, wet throat.

Starscream’s optics rolled back into his helm.  It wasn’t long before Chance was moaning his name, coating his throat with thick rivulets of transfluid.  He gave a few more thrusts, draining his tanks directly into Starscream.  As eager as he proclaimed to be, Starscream licked up every last drop that trickled out as Chance pulled out.

“Mmm…”  Starscream fixed Chance with a lustful gaze.  “We must do this again sometime.”  His optics softened as he added softly, “Because I love the way you look right now.”

Chance had a blissed-out expression, his limbs laying limply around him.  But his optics, biolights, and field glowed.  He was still letting out little noises that Starscream could listen to all night.

Starscream crawled up the berth and lay down beside Chance.  “Get over here,” he said, opening his arms.

Chance eagerly went, but he looked confused when Starscream held him away.

“Face away from me.”  He smiled fondly.  “Unless you only like to be the big spoon.”

Confusion turned to giddiness, and Chance quickly rolled over, pressing back against Starscream.  He sighed contentedly when Starscream wrapped his arms around his waist and nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

“I love being the little spoon,” Chance said.

“Well, I love—”  Starscream froze.

Chance moved his helm just enough for Starscream to catch a glimpse of gold.

“I love… being the big spoon,” Starscream said.

There was a noticeable dip in Chance’s field.

“It’s okay, Starscream,” Chance whispered, barely audible.  “I can… stop.”

Starscream didn’t want to tell him to stop trying, but he also knew he couldn’t encourage him, so he just… said nothing.  He nuzzled deeper into Chance’s neck.  He drew in his scent, then sighed softly.

“I just like getting to be with you,” Chance said.  “No pressure.”

If only.

Chapter Text

Starscream woke to a dark room.  As he shifted, twin points of golden light slowly cycled on.  A bleary smile appeared below them.  A perfect moment.  He kissed that smile, but just as it ended, alerts swarmed his HUD.

All of them from Megatron.

“I have to go,” Starscream said as he struggled to disentangle himself from the blanket and Chance’s arms.  Though the blanket seemed to catch on every seam and point, the yielding embrace was harder to leave.

He heard Chance get up, too, and then his arms were wrapped around his waist.  “Don’t go.”  He kissed the nape of his neck.  “You’re already in trouble,” he reasoned.  “Stay.  I’ll protect you.  I have a plan.”

Starscream shook his helm.  “I can’t let you get involved.”

“Little late for that.”

“No, I mean…”  He growled, frustrated, and turned around to face Chance.  “He knows something is going on.  Of course he does.  But he doesn’t know it’s you for sure.  Let’s keep it that way.”

“What’s he going to do?  Search every room until he finds you?”

“You idiot, he already suspects you!  He’s seen you with me enough times to put two and two together!  But he’s still not sure.  He’s not going to go out of his way if he doesn’t know.  Because he’ll make sure whatever he does hurts me.”

Chance hugged him tightly, hiding his face against the side of Starscream’s helm.  “Please, Starscream.  I don’t want him to hurt you anymore.  I just can’t let it happen again.  Stay.  I have a plan to get you out.  I have a plan for us.”

“It can wait.”

“Can it?  How do you know?”

Starscream sighed harshly.  “Let me go, Chance.”

Chance’s ventilations shuddered out, and he reluctantly let him go.

“Call me if anything happens,” Chance said.  “Please.”

“I’ll be fine.”  He left before he could convince him to stay.  He knew it wouldn’t take much more.

“I see you finally decided to come home.”

“Oh, Megatron!”  Starscream put on an apologetic smile.  “I went to the bar and lost track of time.  I hope you didn’t wait up for me.”

“Oh, is that all?”  Megatron took a long sip of his own drink, his optics on the vidscreen just to Starscream’s right.  “I admit I got worried when I couldn’t find you.  It was like you just disappeared.” 

“Sorry I worried you.”  Starscream feigned a yawn.  “Shall we get to berth?”

“I was thinking we could watch this together,” Megatron said, his voice sounding far too sinister for the situation.  “I can’t seem to figure out the twist ending to this movie.  Maybe you could try and explain it to me?”

Starscream cocked his helm.  Since when had Megatron been so interested in movies?  At least he didn’t seem too mad, so what harm could it do?  He went to sit on the couch beside Megatron, but what he saw on the vidscreen froze him to the spot.

There he was.  Checking over his shoulder as he made his way swiftly through the halls.  A few corners from Chance’s room, holding his ventilations in the present, he watched as the camera view changed and he was suddenly gone.  Not a whiff of him appeared for the next few shots.

“I must not be up to date with the night life here, because I can’t recall there being a bar in the barracks.  Or you being able to teleport.”

Starscream swallowed.  Every lie sounded suspicious.  Or worse, it shined a light on Chance’s involvement. 

“Where were you really, Starscream?”

“It was a new bar,” he lied.  “I got lost on the way there.”

“Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

“I think you’re that paranoid.” 

“I’m paranoid, am I?”  Megatron set his drink down gently.  He rose slowly, looking calm, but of course he wasn’t.  “Half the time when I come home, you aren’t here.  And most of the time I can’t find you.  No one knows where you are or where you were.  You’re not even on surveillance.  But I’m paranoid.”

“You don’t own me.”  Starscream drew himself as tall as he could.  “If I want to go out to a bar, I’m going to go out to a bar.  If I want to go fly, I’m going to go fly.  If I want to go see my trine, I’m going to go see my trine.  You can’t stop me.  In fact, maybe I’ll go stay with them instead.”

Every word was dangerous.  He could visibly see Megatron’s rage building.  But he needed him to punish him for his defiance so that hopefully he would forget his suspicions of infidelity.  The night would end the same way, but at least Megatron wasn’t trying to beat the truth out of him.

At least Chance was safe. 

Starscream kept his distance from Chance.  He lied to him about as much as he lied to Megatron to keep him away.  His spark burned with every rejection, but if Megatron somehow found him around Chance’s room again…

He threw himself into his duties.  That would keep him busy and hopefully throw Megatron off their—

“There you are, Chance.  I was beginning to think you got lost.”  The deep, restrained words from Megatron had Starscream freezing.  He looked out of the corner of his optic, and there he was, smirk and all, standing before Megatron.  What was he doing here?  How did he know his name?

He strained his audials to listen while doing his best to look absorbed in his work.  All he heard was the deep rumble of Megatron’s voice and Chance’s short responses.  What was he saying to him?  Did he know? 

The conversation ended as quickly as it had started, and Chance was gone the next time he checked over his shoulder.  He did find Megatron, though.  Coming right for him.  He did his best to look engrossed in his work.

Megatron’s hands landed on his waist.  “I’m heading back to our room.  Hurry back once you’ve finished those reports.  Oh, and I’ve decided that you’re going to stay back during the raid tomorrow.  I’m sure you can handle running everything while I’m gone.” 

Starscream held himself stiff as Megatron stooped down to kiss his cheek.  “Of course.”

“Don’t stay out too late.”  Megatron’s voice dropped even deeper than usual.  “You know how I like to spend the night before a raid.”

Starscream’s tank churned.  “I’ll finish these as soon as I can.  There’s quite a backlog, though.”

“Hm.  I wonder why that is?  You wouldn’t be neglecting your duties, would you, Starscream?”  He chuckled darkly.  “Has someone been naughty?”

“We’re on duty!” Starscream hissed, but he held himself still.

“Oh, no.  I certainly hope Lord Megatron doesn’t catch us.”  Megatron’s hand went where Chance’s had been last.  It took everything he had not to purge all over his console.  Fortunately, it left quickly.  As did Megatron. 

Starscream swore under his ventilations.  Why had he promised Chance that he’d see him again?  The raid had completely slipped his processor.

His spark dropped to his tank, making him feel even sicker. 

It was dangerous.  Dangerous and stupid.  But Starscream knew that tonight, of all nights, he needed to make sure he saw Chance.  Hopefully he could keep it short and make it back before Megatron got too suspicious.  And before he decided to get too rough.

When he saw Chance’s beaming smile, for a moment he forgot all of his problems.  It fell away when Starscream got close enough to touch.

Chance gasped.  “Oh, Star…”  He carefully touched Starscream’s dented cheek.  It didn’t hurt, but he flinched away.  “Did he do this after that night?”

“It’s fine.  Nothing’s broken.”

“It’s not fine.” 

“He doesn’t even know I was with you.  It’s fine.”

Chance embraced him.  “What happened?  Tell me.  Please.  You don’t have to hide from me.  I don’t want you to hide anything.  No matter how horrible.”  His hands paused over other dents.  “Oh, Star… this isn’t fine.  Please let me take you to a medic.”

Starscream squirmed free, and though Chance let him go there was pain in his optics.  He couldn’t look at him while he repeated, “It’s fine.  There’s a medic I go to when I need to.  It’s fine.”

“Then let me take you to them.”

“No!”  Starscream flinched away from his reaching grasp.  He put on a smile, insisting, “I’m fine.”

“Please, Star.  I want to make sure you’re not really hurt.”

“You can’t come with me, he…”  Starscream bit his lip, averting his gaze.  “The medic I go to knows my situation.  Or I’m assuming he does.  I don’t want anyone asking any questions.”

“Your situation?  You’re telling me they know Megatron beats you and all they do is fix you up and send you on your way?”

“What am I supposed to do?  Walk around with dents until everyone knows?”

“They should know!  Megatron is not the leader I pledged allegiance to all those years ago!  I don’t believe in a genocidal abuser.  I believed in the miner who saw an unjust system and vowed to change it.  I believed in returning the power to the masses.  I believed in fixing Cybertron.  But that’s not what we’re doing anymore which is why…”  Chance took a deep ventilation.  “We could leave.  Chatter could shield our signals and disrupt camera feeds until we’re far enough.  We can take a ship and—”

“Chance.”  Starscream’s face stayed neutral as he touched Chance’s cheek.  “You know we can’t.”

“But Starscream, he… he’s getting worse, I… I worry about you.”  He hugged Starscream tightly.  “I’ve seen what mechs like Megatron do to bots.  I’ve seen what can happen.  Every time I see you, there’s a new mark.  New marks.  Every time you leave, I never know if I’ll see you again.”

“You will.”

“You don’t know that.”

“He always stops.”  Starscream turned his helm to face away from Chance.  “Eventually.”

“Starscream, please, I… I love you.”

Starscream’s optics widened.  He took a few steps back and looked at Chance almost fearfully.

Chance swallowed and repeated, “I love you.  And the thought of him…”  A sudden fury overtook his face and field.  “Whenever he touches you, my energon boils.  All I can think about is making it so he can never touch you again.”

Starscream said nothing.

“Please.”  Chance carefully stroked his cheek.  “Leave with me.  What’s this war for, anyways?  What are we even fighting for anymore?  Nyon is gone.  My trine is gone.  Starscream…”  He waited until Starscream met his gaze.  “Vos is gone.  It’s never coming back.  And I think you know that.”

“Then what’s out there for me?” Starscream asked flatly. 

“I don’t know,” Chance admitted.  “But we’ll have each other.  Just… just anything to get you away.”

Starscream kissed him.  He kissed him until every ounce of wanderlust left his frame.

Chance was safest here.  Here, and far away from Starscream.

“No, Chance.”  He sat up, ignoring both the pain in his spark and Chance’s lingering hands.  “This can’t go on.”

“Don’t… don’t say that.”  Chance carefully stroked his wing. 

“He will kill you.  It’s not an ‘if’ it’s a ‘when.’  I’m putting you in danger just by being here.”  I can’t let him hurt the ones I love.  The same thought had passed through his processor every time he missed his trine.  Every time he’d had to push them away.  He swallowed around the lump in his throat and choked out, “Good-bye, Chance.”

“Starscream!”  Chance grabbed his hand.  “You keep talking about how he’s going to kill me, but we both know that you’re the one at risk.”  His voice got quiet as he said, “Please don’t leave.  I love you.  I refuse to leave you alone!”

“But that’s what he wants!” Starscream shrieked as he threw his hand away and whipped around.  “He wants me all to himself and he always gets what he wants!  What, do you think you’re the first bot to look my way?  Do you think I like having no friends?  Do you think I spend all of my free time tucked away in his quarters because I like being there?  You don’t get it, Chance!  This crush of yours is a death wish!”

“It’s not a crush!”  Chance looked like he was pain.  “Not anymore.  This is real, Starscream.  I would do anything for you.  Anything.  I would—”  He suddenly looked determined.  “I’ll show you.”

“Chance, what—”

He couldn’t get another word out before Chance flew off, taking his spark with him.  He felt cold and empty while he watched his retreating form, but he knew it was for the best.  He was better off alone and alive.

But then, he came back.  Or, he kind of did.  He did some flips and twists and dives that had Starscream lurching.  His cobalt plating glimmered in the moonlight; the only thing distinguishing him from the pitch of the sky.

Why was he…?

Oh no.

Starscream shook his helm.  “Please don’t,” he whispered, knowing his words wouldn’t reach him. 

He couldn’t watch.  His spark pulled and pulled and pulled him towards the sky.  Towards Chance.  Towards the bot that actually cared for him and was willing to give up everything for him and—

Starscream turned his back on him.  He tapped his comm and whispered, “Come down, Chance.”

“No.  You come up.  Because you want to.  I know you do.  I need to know and you need to know.”

Starscream jumped when Chance landed behind him.

“I already know,” Chance said.  “But I need to know for sure.  And if it is?  You leave with me.  If it isn’t, well… you’ll get your wish.  But you bet your aft I’ll still bust mine to get you away from him.”

“No.  Stop.  For Primus’ sake, Chance, stop!  There’s nothing to know!  It doesn’t matter because I will never, ever be yours!”  He shook his helm and felt the tears flying off of his face.  “I’m Megatron’s, and that’s all I’ll ever be!  It doesn’t matter if you love me or even if I love you because he takes away everything I love!  Everything!  You can’t fight him!  It’s too late for me!  Don’t make me watch you die, because, I—!”  His voice caught in his throat.  He tried to say more, but his voicebox gave him nothing but clicks and static.

“Then leave with me.  I’ll hide you.  I’ll protect you.  He’ll be too busy fighting a war to come looking for you.  We’ll steal a ship and find some planet far from here and make a new life.  We can have that sparkling.  We can be a family.  I can give you all of that.”

“No.  You can’t.”

“I wi—”

“Chance.  It’s over.”

Starscream got a front row seat to watch Chance’s spark break.  His golden optics dimmed, and it looked as if his plating had lost its lustre.  Nearly dulling grey.  Horrible realization overcame his field when he saw that Starscream was serious.  This wasn’t a debate.  There wouldn’t be any compromise. 

This was it.

“At least let me help you get out,” Chance pleaded, his voice strained.  “Because I can’t watch you die.”

“You don’t know anything about our relationship.”

Chance shut his optics, fighting back tears. 

“I’ll be fine, Chance.  I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine!  He beats you!”

“He doesn’t—”

“Will you stop fucking defending him?”  Chance practically screamed.  His battle with his tears ended with a loss and they spilled forth.  “Whatever version you have of Megatron in your spark doesn’t exist anymore!  He’s an abuser!  Just because he eventually stops doesn’t mean he won’t take it too far the next time!  He could kill you if he wants to and you just keep—”  Chance shuddered out a ventilation.  He fell to his knees and cried into his hands.  It took all of Starscream’s resolve to not stoop down to hold him and wipe away those tears.

“What did I do wrong?” Chance asked pathetically.  “I love you so much and I lost to a mech who beats you half to death.”

Damn his resolve.  Starscream knelt before Chance and carefully took one of his hands in both of his.  It was cold and wet with tears.  And he’d been the one to make him cry.  He didn’t deserve Chance.  He didn’t deserve anything.

“You didn’t lose anything,” Starscream said quietly.  “I’m not picking him over you.  If I had to make that choice, it would be you every time.”

He couldn’t bring himself to look at Chance’s face.  All he would see was that hopeful look and know it was moments from being dashed.

“This was never going to work, Chance.  I knew that.  I just wanted you so badly and I couldn’t help myself.  And now I’ve hurt you.”  Starscream swallowed around the lump in his throat.  “I wish you hadn’t been so persistent.  I wish I hadn’t given in so easily.”

“Stop talking like that,” Chance gently chastised him.  “Megatron isn’t your future.  He doesn’t have to be.  Let me help you see that.  Even if that future doesn’t include me, I’ll be happy if you’re happy.  And safe.  I’ll be miserable otherwise.”  He tugged his hand back, taking Starscream with him, and he didn’t fight the pull.  “Please, Star.  I know you’re my wingmate.  I can feel it in my spark.  Just try.  I know you are, but if you’re not, I’ll leave you alone.  But I know Primus wants me to be with you.  It’s no coincidence that you were there after Nyon fell.  I felt it then and I feel it now.  Just try.”

Starscream had never seen Chance look so pathetic.  He pleaded with him and cried and cried and he couldn’t bear the sight of it.  He foolishly kissed him so he wouldn’t have to look at him anymore. 

Chance held him so close.  So tightly.  His grip would have frightened him if he didn’t know those arms would yield if he pulled away.  But he didn’t.  He didn’t want to.  But he had to.  He’d already dragged this on for long enough.

“I’m going to miss this,” Starscream confessed nigh inaudibly against Chance’s lips.  He felt Chance’s fingers dig in, but he didn’t say anything.

Chance yielded.  He always would.  He would never cage him.

“I’ll always love you,” Chance whispered as Starscream stood. 

“Just forget about me, Chance.”

“Never.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Too bad.  I’m your idiot.”

“You’re not my anything.”

“Fine.  But you’re still my everything.”

Through grit denta, Starscream said, “Why do you have to make everything so hard?”

“Because I’m not going to lie to you.  Because you saved my life.  You give me life.  You inspire me.  You were there when my life—my whole world—had been reduced to ashes.  And now… now I know you.  I can’t just forget about that.  But I know I can’t force you to stay with me or even to leave him.  As much as I want to.  As much as I know that you know that it’s a bad decision.  And I can see that you still care about me.  So, call it foolish hope, but I still see that future for us.  Maybe one day.  But until then, if it does happen, know that I still have your back.  Any day, any time, any reason, all you need to do is call and I’ll be there. 

“All I ever wanted was a chance to love you, and maybe… maybe to help you as much as you’ve helped me.  But you’re not ready for that help.  As much as it’ll kill me I’ll…”  Chance swallowed audibly.  “Just promise me that you’ll take care of yourself.  Please.”

Starscream shut his optics tight, fighting back tears.  He didn’t trust his voicebox to not say something stupid, so he stayed silent.  He knew he shouldn’t, but Starscream gently kissed his cheek.  His confession of love dangled off of his lips, but it never fell.  It would only make this more difficult.

As soon as the kiss ended, Starscream turned and transformed and flew away as fast as his engines allowed.  He didn’t turn back or stop until he was nearly back at Megatron’s quarters.  He couldn’t.  If he did, he didn’t know if he’d turn back around.

Chapter Text

“Where were you?”

Starscream jumped.  A hand over his racing spark, he said as calmly as he was able, “I just went for a quick flight.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me you were leaving?”

“I didn’t think I’d be that long.”  Starscream climbed into berth, knowing what was coming.  “I’m sorry.  I’m here, now.”

Starscream cuddled right up to him, keeping his touches tender, hoping Megatron might reciprocate.  And because he thought he might burst if he didn’t say the words to someone, he whispered, “I love you.”

Starscream closed his optics, repeating those same words in his processor, but in Chance’s voice.  First, in the sad and desperate tone from earlier.  Then, he managed to stitch together what he imagined it would have sounded like if he were with him like this.  Chest-to-chest.  His helm tucked in the crook of Chance’s, feeling the words as much as he heard them.  Soft.  Quiet.  Unhurried.  And most importantly, genuine.  But to hear those words, to indulge, would keep him in Megatron’s crosshairs.  If he truly loved him, which he liked to think that he did, he would let him go.

So.

Starscream was brought back to reality when hands far to big to be Chance’s stroked from his wing mount, down his back, and settled on his aft.

“You’re always so eager the night before a raid,” Megatron whispered.  “Just how I like you.”

“Mm… well, I know how much you like this.”

Starscream went through the motions.  It wasn’t terrible.  Honestly, it was one of the best nights they’d had in a long time.  It gave him hope that they could be salvaged.  But even if they would never get back to how they were…

At least Chance would be safe now.

Despite it all, Starscream scanned the troops as they returned.  The longer he looked, the more frantic he got, as more and more faces passed that weren’t his.  He should have been one of the first to return so… where was he?

The crowd petered out, and they closed the hangar door behind them.

Had he missed him?

“You.”  Starscream grabbed one of them by their kibble as they passed.  Even in their tired state, they looked afraid to be addressed by him directly.  “Chance.  Where is he?”

“Who?”

Starscream growled.  “Chance.  Blue jet.  Always talking.  Mildly annoying.  Where is he?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t know anyone named Chance.  And I haven’t seen anyone who looks like that.”

Turning a worried gaze that he was hiding through cold anger to their friends, he asked, “Do any of you know where he is?”

He received a few mumbled “sorry, no’s” and after a few moments of silence from Starscream, they made their escape.

A horrible, sinking feeling curdled his energon.  It sat like a rock in his tank.

“Looking for someone?”

Starscream started at Megatron’s voice.  “No.  Just looking at today’s damage.  Seems we lost a few.”

“No one important,” Megatron said as he came up beside Starscream.  He had to stifle his disgust as his hands fell upon his waist.  “Mostly some newly reconfigured K-Class bots.”

Starscream’s optics widened and his spark stopped.

“What’s that look for?”  Megatron turned so they were chest to chest, or as close as they could get given their height difference.  In a strangely gentle move, he stroked up Starscream’s jawline.  As he lifted his helm, following the movement, he caught Megatron’s wicked smile.  “You’ve never been so concerned about our frontline troops before.”

How he managed to stay composed in that moment, he would never know.  “It just seems like a lot lately,” Starscream said.  He did his best to sound aloof.  “We’ll run out of Decepticons if we keep rushing in so recklessly.”

Megatron grabbed Starscream and pulled him close.  His voice dropped deep into his chest, his mouth right beside Starscream’s audial as he whispered, “Some of them like to be reckless.  Why, one of them seemed so ready to jump to his death.  And I know I’ve caught him doing other reckless things.  I feel like he would have found some other way to get himself killed if he didn’t sacrifice himself for the cause.”

A single, quiet, horrified tear rolled down Starscream’s cheek.

“And we’ll live on.”  Starscream could hear the malicious smirk in his voice.  “And we’ll remember them.”

All he could do was hold back the impending flood.  He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“I’ll see you in our quarters, later.”  Not a request.  Starscream’s calipers ached in horrid anticipation.

As soon as Megatron was out of sight, Starscream stumbled blindly down the hallway until he found a closet.  He all but fell into it as his optics erupted with tears.  Ugly, painful tears.  Regret replaced what emptied through his optics.  He wished he had taken him up on his offer.  They’d be together and away from everything and halfway safe and he’d… he’d be free.

No.  No, he should have pushed him away.  He shouldn’t have fallen for his charm.  If he had kept his distance Megatron would never have targeted him.

He couldn’t compose himself.  Not fully, but when he could at least manage to walk, Starscream surrendered himself.  He let Megatron mold him as he pleased.  Whatever free will he’d had was gone.  This was the last of his painful reminders that he was and would always belong to Megatron.  He still made sure there was no doubt with every dent and scratch.  He all but carved his name into his plating.

Starscream froze when he saw her.  He expected anger and for her to shun him, but her optics softened with empathy and grief. 

“Chatter, I… I’m so sorry, I didn’t want—”

Chatter hugged him tightly.  “Are you doing alright?”

Starscream couldn’t stop his tears when he felt Chatter’s on his shoulder, and he reciprocated the hug.  But just for a moment.  He pushed her away and said, “Please.  I don’t want him to hurt you, too.”

“Starscream…”

He shook his helm.  “It’s all my fault.  If I hadn’t—”  He choked on his words. 

“Starscream, Chance… Chance was always a risk taker.  We were surprised he lasted this long.”  She chuckled sadly.  “But I know he would want us to take care of you.  And we will.  You’re not alone in this.”

He shook his helm some more, taking a step back.  “He’ll hurt you all if you get too close.”

“Starscream—”

“Just stay away from me!”

“Starscream, we can help you,” she said, hushed.  “He won’t find out.  I’ll make sure of it.”

“That’s what Chance said!” he snapped.  “And look where that got him!”

“We’ll get you away.  Chance had a plan.  We’ll—”

“I’m ordering you to stay the hell away from me!”

“I don’t give a damn about your orders.  I’m going to finish what Chance started.  All he cared about was getting you away from Megatron!  Are you just going to let him die in vain?”

Starscream grabbed Chatter by her wrist and squeezed hard.  “Do you want to join him?”

“Starscream—”

“That’s Commander Starscream.”

Chatter bore a similar look to Chance the night he’d ended things, though hers was more fearful.  Starscream maintained his cold glare even as his spark clenched.  He realized a little too late that no matter how he tried to look intimidating, his cheeks were still slick with tears.  He tossed her wrist away and marched off.  She didn’t follow.

Starscream’s field was a mess of emotions.  The tears wouldn’t stop and the only bot who could quell them was gone.  And he wasn’t about to return to the mech who took him from this world.

No.

He was done.

Starscream made his way to the only room he knew would be vacant.  He keyed in the code and threw himself into the berth that still smelled like him.  Soon enough, they would clean it out and give it to the next MTO in line, but for now, he could still pretend he was here.

“Starscream.”  Megatron barely hid the anger in his tone. 

Starscream turned and stood at attention.  “Yes, my Lord?” he asked, showing no emotion.

“Where were you?”

“I’m sorry, sir, I wasn’t aware there was a command meeting.”

“Where were you last night?”  Megatron narrowed his optics.  “I missed you.”  He roughly grabbed his wrist.

“Let me go!”  Starscream struggled and managed to free himself.  “I don’t give a damn what you want!  I’m your second-in-command and nothing more!”

Megatron grabbed his wrist again, crushing it.  Starscream yelped.

“Did that seeker make you think you’re special?  You’re nothing without me, and you’re mine.”

“I’m my own mech.  And I’m done with you.”

Megatron laughed, cruelly.  “What’s even out there for you?  I made you what you are.”

“Whatever it is, it’s better than anything you’ve given to me.”

“Do you think every Decepticon lives the cushy life that you do?  Do you think they all get their needs met, and then some?  After everything I’ve done for you, everything I’ve given you, you think you can just decide to walk out on it all?”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Starscream reeled back when the first punch landed.  He thought he heard a gasp from someone, but no one made a move to help him.  He felt optics on him.  Some looked away, while others watched.  Whether in horror or sadistic interest, he wouldn’t know.  He couldn’t focus on anything beyond the crunch of his plating as Megatron punched and shoved him.

In a moment of relative peace, Starscream spat out energon, wiping his face clean.  He lifted his sore wings proudly and looked Megatron right in the optic.  “I will never be yours.  Not anymore.  You’ll have to kill me before I will ever submit to you again.”

He turned his back on him.  He braced himself for the retaliation and considered that those could very well be his last words.  He could have done worse.  And at least… at least he could see Chance again.

Megatron didn’t say anything.  He grabbed his wrist and his grip was unyielding.  Starscream fought him, but when he refused to take another step, Megatron had no problem literally dragging him.  In the end, he walked.  For his dignity.  Not that he had much of it left. 

He took him down a familiar path, shoving him in to the medibay of his personal medic.  He didn’t look the least bit surprised to see Starscream there, even with Megatron.

“I could’ve walked here myself,” Starscream muttered.

Megatron crossed his arms.  “I had to make sure you were… taken care of.”

Starscream gave him a confused look.

“Let’s see what the damages are,” the medic said.  He pat the cot.  “Lay down here, Starscream.  On your front.  It looks like your wing might be bent back a bit.”

He did as he was told only because he likely would’ve walked himself here later, anyways.  He sighed as he laid down, hoping it wouldn’t take too long.

“Stay still,” the medic said.

“Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.”

Suddenly, clamps had his wrists, ankles, and helm pinned.  Starscream struggled against them while panic set in.  “What the—what are you doing?”

The medic wasn’t looking at him, though.  He turned to Megatron as though he were waiting for orders.

“Take the last year,” Megatron said.  “Send him back to my quarters when you’re done.”

“What?  ‘Take the last year,’ what do you—”

Starscream’s optics widened as he watched needles extend from the medic’s fingers.

“What—w-wait, what are you?”  Starscream froze when he felt a hand on the top of his helm.  “No!  You can’t!  Megatron, please!  Let me have his memory please!”

Megatron ignored him, making his way to the exit.

“Please!  I’ll do anything!  I’ll never leave you, never defy you—I’ll be yours forever!  Just let me remember him!”

Megatron laughed, cruelly.  He looked back, but only out of the corner of one uncaring optic.  “I imagine the outcome will be the same either way.”

Starscream begged and pleaded through new, terrified tears.  He struggled harder, denting whatever plating was restrained.  He flailed hysterically on the medical cot.  Regret coursed through his field and had him calling out both Megatron and Chance’s names for different reasons.

“Orders are orders, Starscream.”

“Please!  I’ll do anything!”

“Megatron pays me to fix you and not ask questions.  I doubt there’s anything you can give me that’ll top that and be worth facing his wrath.”

Starscream shuddered out a ventilation.  He fought with everything he had, but he couldn’t keep him from his processor.  From his memories.  From Chance.  He didn’t feel the needles, but he could feel another presence in his mind.

Soft, golden optics topped a sassy smile.  Memories still a little too painful to look at flitted before his optics in a bittersweet montage of new love.  No matter how much it hurt now, he wanted them.  Centuries from now, he wanted to look back on the short, but wonderful, time he’d spent with him.  He wanted to honour his memory. 

“Oh my.  I see why Megatron wanted this gone.”

Starscream whimpered and bawled and wished he’d at least put him under anesthesia.  He felt the memories being pulled from his processor.  One by one.  Every smile, every touch, and, most painfully, his confession.  It was said under duress, but it was said.  Back and back it went.  He watched his lover turn into a friend and then a stranger, and then…

It felt like someone had grabbed Rodimus by the spoiler and tore him out of the bond.  He gasped for air, not feeling totally settled in his frame.  What brought him racing back to reality was a quiet, strained name.

“Chance.” 

Chapter Text

“Starscream?”

Rodimus rolled over to find Starscream, his optics wide, staring fearfully at the ceiling.

“Chance,” Starscream repeated, this time choking it out as the tears came.

Rodimus was as gentle with him as possible.  He helped him onto his side, finally meeting his sorrowful gaze.

“I… I forgot him, he… he made me forget him.”

Rodimus pulled Starscream in for a hug and he quietly wept against his shoulder.  It felt like he’d put his walls up again, but Starscream was just numb.  He felt nothing.

“He took him from me,” he whispered.

“I’m so sorry, Starscream, I… I don’t know what to say.”  He stroked his wings and hoped to bring him some comfort.  But what could he do?  He’d reopened long-forgotten wounds that had never healed properly.

I never got to tell him, Starscream thought.

“He knew,” Rodimus murmured.  “He knew you loved him.”

“What do you know?”

“I saw it all, Star.  He knew.”

“No.  All he saw was me breaking up with him before he…”  Starscream hiccupped and shook as more tears dripped down his cheek.

Rodimus carefully wiped those tears away.  They were quickly replaced, but he kept wiping each one away as gently as he was able. 

“I know that bots say they love each other without words all the time.”  Rodimus spoke as softly as his hands moved.  “You did everything you could to protect him.  That says love right there.”

“Oh, yes, because nothing says ‘I love you’ like getting him sent on a suicide mission.”  Bitterness made his words hard and his field crackle. 

“Starscream…”  Rodimus cupped his cheek and waited until Starscream looked into his optics.  He paused before he spoke, giving Starscream a soft and chaste kiss that he just barely reciprocated.  His spark ached when they parted and he saw the chaos and sorrow roiling in the depths of his ruby optics.  “It wasn’t your fault.  None of it.”

Starscream almost looked angry.  Surprisingly, even though it seemed like he had a lot to say, he stayed silent.

“You told him the risks.  He knew what Megatron was capable of.  He chose to be with you.  But it’s not his fault, either.  It was Megatron’s.  He was a jealous, abusive mech and neither of you deserved what he did to you.”

“Was?”

Rodimus’ spark lurched. 

“You still love him.”

“No, I don’t!”

Starscream just nodded like it made sense.  “I hope you don’t.  One day.”

“I don’t.”  Rodimus sighed.  “Look, Starscream, it’s complicated.  The Megatron you’ve been showing me and the one who was my conjunx—”

“Are the same damn mech!” Starscream snapped.

“I know.  I know he is.  But you’ve gotta understand that his time on the Lost Light was the only time I ever had to actually interact with him, so that’s…  Not now, okay?  This isn’t about me.  I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Starscream rested his helm on Rodimus’ shoulder.  Tears still silently flowed.

“Let yourself grieve,” Rodimus whispered.  “I’ll be right here.”

He shook his helm.  “It’s stupid to grieve now.  He’s long gone.”

“No, it isn’t.”  Rodimus pulled him closer and tucked his helm into the crook of his neck.  “You didn’t get a chance to, really.  And it’s fresh right now.  So you’re going to be kind to yourself and let yourself feel.  And I’ll be right here.  For anything.  Okay?”

A Starscream with more energy might have fought him on this.  But the grief compounding on the fatigue of a merge would have had him agreeing to almost anything at this point. 

“Okay,” he agreed.

Rodimus held him in relative silence for a while.  He murmured little things.  Little encouragements to feel.  Reassurances.  The occasional sweet nothing borne of their blooming relationship.  Had it not been for the merge, for knowing Starscream so intimately, this might have been too much, too soon.  Normally Rodimus didn’t know how to comfort bots, or at least not very well.  This came easily.  

Maybe.  Maybe he was just telling him what he wanted to hear.

Starscream would seem to run out of tears and quiet down for a moment, but it wouldn’t last.  His shoulders would start to shake again.  His field would tremble with static.  And again they came, a new tide of grief.

An alert on his HUD stole Rodimus’ attention.  Low fuel.

“Do you need energon?” Rodimus asked quietly, holding Starscream a little away from himself.  “I’m getting low.”

Starscream lifted himself up on shaking arms.  “I’ll get you some.”

“What?  No, you stay here.  I’ll go.”

“Please.”  Starscream met his gaze with dull red optics.  “Let me do this for you.”

Rodimus wanted him to throw out a snarky comment or insult him or even yell at him.  Anything but this defeated look.  It was such a foreign expression on Starscream’s face that he almost didn’t recognize him.

His spark clenched with pity.

“Okay.”  Rodimus kissed Starscream’s forehelm, and he didn’t even acknowledge him.  “Hurry back.”

Starscream said nothing.  He slowly got out of berth.  Every movement was sluggish, as though his weight had suddenly tripled.  Rodimus spread his field thin and radiated as much care through it as he could.  The fringe licked at Starscream’s plating until he could only reach him by spark, but even then… his efforts seemed futile.  What could he even do?

Rodimus waited, feeling miserable.  He should have just ignored the memory.  All he’d done was make Starscream feel like slag and brought up new traumatic memories.

Rodimus sat up when he heard a thump.

Getting out of berth as quietly as he was able, he crept his way out to the kitchen.  At first, he didn’t see Starscream, but he heard quiet sobbing coming from behind the island.  There, he found him crumpled on the floor; a shell of himself. 

“Starscream,” Rodimus said gently.

“Oh, I,” Starscream quickly swiped at his face, swallowing around the lump in his throat, “I was just…”  He opened the cabinet he had just been leaning on.  “I remembered I had some higher grade, so I…”

Rodimus knelt down, pulling Starscream into an embrace.  “Please don’t hide from me,” he murmured.  “You don’t need to face this alone.”

“You don’t know anything!” Starscream shrieked.  He struggled in his grip, but not for long. 

“Let’s get some energon in us.  We might feel a little better then.”

“Yeah I’m so sure that’ll just fix everything.”

“I didn’t say it’d fix everything.  But it can’t make you feel worse, right?”

Starscream’s only answer was to lean his weight onto Rodimus.

“C’mon.  Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable than the floor.  Couch or berth?”

“I just want to sleep.”

Rodimus stroked Starscream’s downturned wings.  “Energon first,” he murmured.  “Then you can sleep, okay?”

Starscream sighed.  It was the kind of sigh that couldn’t be fixed by a full tank or a good night’s rest.  It came from deep within his chest—from his soul.  His aching soul.

Damn him!  What did he ever see in Megatron?

“Thank you,” Starscream whispered as Rodimus helped him to his pedes.

“You’re gonna be okay, Star.”  Rodimus gave his wing mount a reassuring squeeze.  He lead Starscream back to their berthroom, bearing most of his weight.

Starscream said nothing more beyond another “thanks” when Rodimus handed him a ration.  He sipped it slowly, gaze faraway, while Rodimus petted his wings and whispered little encouragements.  When he was finished, he tucked him in.  Rodimus settled with his back to the backboard and cradled Starscream’s helm in his lap.

After Starscream finally fell into recharge, Rodimus shed some tears of his own.  He felt like he knew Chance.  Like he’d lost a love, too.  Nothing like Starscream, of course, but it didn’t help to see him hurting, either.  His spark felt torn asunder.  And their sparkling didn’t like that one bit.  He felt it orbiting erratically, sometimes tugging away and he was terrified that all of this might make it detach. 

Glancing at Starscream, making sure he was truly asleep, Rodimus cracked open his chestplates.  Even a sliver had the room bathed in cool white light.  Thankfully, Starscream didn’t stir.

Rodimus focused on taking deep, careful ventilations.  He saw the little bud of light, looking a bit distant but not hanging on by a tendril.  It flitted about so fast, stopping and starting, making Rodimus see double.

Closing his chest, Rodimus patted over his badge.  “Hey, little one,” he whispered.  “We need to be strong for Starscream, okay?  You especially.  He can’t lose you.  Not now.”  He rubbed calming circles, feeling their sparkling follow the movement.  “You’re gonna be fine, okay?  Captain’s orders.”

Rodimus settled down, cradling Starscream.  He had to fight off his anger at Megatron, his grief from Chance, and his worry for his conjunx before he was able to get to sleep.  In his dreams, he saw Starscream, smiling, holding a tiny, malleable Cybertronian.

Rodimus cracked open exhausted optics at the sound of screaming.  The sound still tore at his spark, but his frame couldn’t muster the energy to match.

Rolling over, Rodimus shook Starscream gently, but firmly.  “Starscream,” he said just above a whisper.  “Wake up.  It’s just a nightmare.”

After a few more moments of screaming and flailing, terrified and bleary red optics flared to life.  Starscream looked around, confused, asking quietly, “Chance?”

Rodimus stifled a sigh as his spark throbbed with pain.  “No.  Rodimus.”

“Oh.”

The same, stifling silence followed.  Just like every other night.  It would have been unbearable if Starscream didn’t eventually shift towards Rodimus’ warmth and cling to him.  Sometimes crying, sometimes cursing Megatron’s name, but always shrouded in a cloud of grief.  Of misery.  Something that Rodimus couldn’t dispel from his spark, no matter how he tried.

He woke up two more times that night.  The second time, to Starscream sobbing, and the third to more screaming.  Rodimus calmed him down again, seeing his form silhouetted against the sky, growing pale.  It felt like it had only been a moment between that and the sun assaulting his aching optics.

Starscream was gone.

Rodimus dragged himself out of berth and out of the berthroom.  He found his conjunx in the kitchen, mixing his morning ration.

“Starscream,” Rodimus said once he was seated at the island.

“Hm?”  He turned, looking no worse for wear.  Maybe his optics shined a little less brightly, but otherwise he looked fine.

Rodimus blinked slowly at him.  “I need sleep.”

Starscream gave him a quizzical look.  “Then go sleep?  You don’t have to be up.”

Rodimus shook his helm.  “At night, I mean.  I can’t… We can’t be doing this.  Because you need sleep, too.”

Starscream turned his back on him.  “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Okay, I am way too tired to play this game.  I don’t know what to tell you, or what I think you should do, but you’ve got to get over Chance.  Because I need sleep, and I need to feel like you… like you want me.  Because you only touch me after you have a nightmare and I’m not just here to comfort you.  I’m your conjunx.  Fake or not, I was under the assumption that this arrangement came with some, I don’t know, perks?  So if nothing’s wrong, then fucking act like it.  Or just admit that you’re in pain and do something about it because I miss you.”

Starscream kept his back turned towards Rodimus, taking a shaky sip of his morning ration.

“I’m sorry that was so blunt,” Rodimus said.  “But I’m exhausted.”

Before Rodimus knew what was happening, Starscream was in his lap, his frame pressed flush to his, kissing him deeply.  He pushed him off as gently as he was able, but Starscream still looked hurt.

“No, Star.  You can’t just…”

Starscream’s shoulders shook, tears dripping from his chin.

“Star…”

“Just frag me so I forget,” Starscream whispered, pain in his voice.

Rodimus once again tried to wipe away the torrent of tears.  If only he could mend his broken spark.

“Isn’t there anything else I can do?” Rodimus asked.

Starscream shrugged.  “This is all so stupid.  Why do I care?  He’s been dead for millions of years.”

“Not to you.  Hell, Starscream, I miss him, too.  It felt like I lived that.”

Starscream let out a shuddering ex-vent.  He slowly, carefully, pressed trembling lips to Rodimus’.  He held him as though he, too, might slip away.

Rodimus gently petted his wings, feeling useless. 

“You remind me of him,” Starscream said against Rodimus’ lips.  He kissed him once more before adding, “I guess I have a type.”  Though his words were joking, his tone was somber.

“Apparently my type is ex-Decepticons.” 

“Ha.  Gonna frag your way down the chain of command?”

“Hopefully not,” Rodimus said.

That brought the smallest of smiles to Starscream’s lips.  It fell away quickly, but it was a start.

Starscream swallowed and stroked one of Rodimus finials.  “Rodimus?”

“Yeah?”  He pulled back a little to see his face.  He met his gaze with such a sad, desperate expression that his tanks cramped.

“Don’t leave,” Starscream whispered.  “Please.  No matter what I say in the future, just… just stay.  I want you here.  I want you.”

“Hey, don’t worry.  I’m not going anywhere.  And even if I did, you’d still see me when I came to pick up the child support cheque.”  His attempt at humour didn’t go over.  Chance had made it seem so effortless.  “I’m here, Starscream.”

Starscream went to work the next day, citing a bad batch of energon as the reason for his absence.  Rodimus tried to get him to stay.  He’d only woken up once, but it had still been just as bad.  Far too exhausted to argue further, Rodimus fell back into recharge.  He awoke around midday, feeling terrible, to an empty condo.

He couldn’t tell whose spark ached.  A feeling impossible to ignore.  And while he knew he shouldn’t, he knew he needed to get some fresh air.  And he knew just where he needed to go.

Rodimus snuck out the back door, keeping to alleys and side streets and avoiding everyone he could.  He raced for the wastelands, intending to spend a little time racing first to blow off some steam, but as soon as he left civilization behind, he noticed how low his energon had gotten already.

Transforming to his root mode, Rodimus frowned at his chest.  Little leech.  Thankfully, the coordinates were within walking distance.  Not a short walking distance, but it was doable.  He hadn’t considered that while he had enough energon to get there, he didn’t really have enough to get back.

Can you come meet me here?  Rodimus sent that message to Starscream along with his location.  And bring a ration for me.

After Starscream had agreed and he’d spent a few minutes just staring out at the barren wasteland, he wondered if this was a good idea.  This might just hurt him more.

Well, too late to change his mind. 

It must have only been minutes, but it felt like days had passed before Rodimus saw Starscream’s form in the sky.  His plating clamped down with anxiety as Starscream descended and landed beside him.

He faced him with dull optics and plating in need of a wash.

“What are you doing out in the middle of nowhere?” Starscream grumbled.  He produced a ration from his subspace and shoved it into Rodimus’ hands.  “Are you trying to kill our sparkling?”

“I’m sorry, Star.  I didn’t notice how low I was getting until after I’d left.”

“And what was so important that you had to wander into the middle of nowhere and risk our child?”

“Well, I… did a little research.”

Starscream lifted an optic ridge.  He somehow managed to look curious and utterly disinterested at the same time.

“About some battles, and… well… this was where…”

“This was where what?”

“This was where Chance…”  Rodimus didn’t have to say the last word.  For one, he was sure Starscream heard him finish his sentence in his processor.  For two, his whole frame stiffened at the mention of his name.  “You never got to say good-bye, so I thought… I don’t know what I was thinking, Starscream, and this was probably a bad idea, but… I’m… I’m sorry if this just made things worse.”

Starscream didn’t say anything for an agonizingly long time.  Rodimus had already put himself through three worst-case scenarios when he finally spoke.

“He’s not even here,” he said flatly.  “There’s nothing left of him.  Even the day it happened, he… he was just a weapon.”

“He didn’t deserve that.”

Starscream looked over what was once a bloody battlefield.  “No.  He didn’t.”

Spark constricting in his chest, Rodimus slipped his hand into Starscream’s and intertwined their fingers, giving him a gentle squeeze.  “I’m here.”

Starscream swallowed.  When he spoke next, it sounded like he was being choked.  “I’m sorry that happened to you, Chance.  I wish that you had never fallen in love with me.”

Rodimus squeezed his hand again and received a smaller squeeze back.

“But I don’t regret loving you.  You…”  He swallowed again, gasping as coolant welled up in his optics.  “You reminded me that I mattered.  That I deserved more than what I was given.  If you hadn’t done that, I… I don’t know.”

Rodimus took a half-step closer.  His spark constricted as he felt every bit of Starscream’s sorrow.  But he would take it.  At least he wasn’t hiding it.

“Not that it matters because I forgot it all.  And who knows if he…”  Starscream’s optics slowly widened in horror.  “I’ll never know how many times he did that.  What don’t I know?”

Rodimus could do little but watch Starscream unravel. 

Starscream inched closer.  At first, he just rested his tear-streaked cheek on Rodimus shoulder, but soon enough he was clutching him like Megatron would make him disappear, too.  Millions of years of grief spilled from tired optics.  An old flame sparked and died in what felt like seconds.

“Let it out,” Rodimus murmured.   

“I just want to forget again,” Starscream said between sobs.

“Shh… You don’t mean that.”  He carefully stroked shaking and slant wings.  “It hurts now, and it’s gonna hurt for a while, but Chance deserves to be remembered by you.  Because you love him.”

Starscream shuddered out a ventilation.

He cried for a while longer, and Rodimus held him all the while.  He sat them down on an outcropping and slowly sipped at his ration while they both mourned. 

The sun set before them in a brilliant display of reds, oranges, and pinks, but they couldn’t enjoy it.  Because Chance deserved to see this, too.  He’d deserved to see so many more sunsets. 

“I never watched one with him,” Starscream murmured.

Rodimus squeezed Starscream’s shoulder.

“Remind me to enjoy them more often,” he said.  He gently nuzzled into Rodimus’ neck.  “And to enjoy you.”

“Okay.”

Starscream sighed.  “We should get home.  Do you have enough fuel to drive?”

Rodimus checked his HUD.  “Yeah.  And I’ll have some more energon when we get home, okay?  So don’t worry.”

Either Starscream was too drained to speed home, or he wanted to keep an optic on Rodimus, because he kept pace with him.  They arrived home, the city noise fading into the background.

Starscream tried to head to the berth, but Rodimus kept a firm hold on his hand and guided him into the washracks.  He went with little effort on Rodimus’ part.

“You sit here, okay?” Rodimus said, pulling over a small stool.

Starscream said nothing, but obeyed.  He slumped down onto the stool, only just holding himself upright.  His wingtips scraped the floor.

Rodimus ran the water for the bath, getting the temperature just on the side of slightly too hot.  While it was starting to fill up, he explored Starscream’s cabinet filled to the brim with all kinds of soaps and fragrances.  He grabbed anything that claimed to be “soothing” or “calming” and added some drops to the water.

When he turned back to his conjunx, his spoiler sagged.

Starscream was staring dully down at his hands.  Barely any light showed that he was still alive, but his optics flickered faintly.

Rodimus spread his field as wide as he could, trying to envelop Starscream.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Rodimus murmured.

“I can clean myself!” Starscream snapped.

Rodimus flinched slightly.  “I know.  But I wanna pamper you.”

Starscream considered this.  “Fine.”

Rodimus gave him a soft smile.  Before he got to work. He stooped down and embraced Starscream, holding him for a while.  He didn’t hug him back, but he did lean into it, not away.

Wetting a cloth, Rodimus carefully cleaned the residue off of Starscream’s face.  He closed his optics, seeming to relax under the touch.  He did some spot cleaning after that, rubbing solvent into his joints and on any patches of dirt.  It was hard to see Starscream’s neglect.  For someone usually so clean, who cared so much about his appearance, finding gummed-up seams and dust-filled vents made Rodimus cringe slightly.

“Don’t pity me,” Starscream said quietly, but harshly.

Rodimus swallowed.  “I’m sorry, Star.  I don’t mean to, but—”

“I’m a mess.  I know that.”

“Anyone would understand.”

“Except that they can’t.  No one can know.  And I don’t want them to know.”

Rodimus didn’t know what to say to that.  “Just relax, then.  I’ll clean you up and then you’ll have a nice soak.”

Starscream didn’t say another word while Rodimus finished up.  He helped him back to his pedes and then into the bath.  The seeker sighed contentedly as the warm water hugged his plating.

“Do you want to be alone?” Rodimus asked.

Starscream thought for a moment, then shook his helm “no.”

Rodimus carefully stepped into the bath, working his way behind Starscream.  He wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his face against the plane of one of his wings.

Starscream sighed sadly.  “Traumatic memories have terrible timing.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed again.  “Rodimus, it won’t be long before you start to show.  We’re going to have to play the happy couple and soon.  If we don’t announce we’re together early enough everyone is going to assume it’s because I knocked you up.”

“Okay, well… we can handle, like, what, an interview?”

“More like a party.”

“A party?”

“Politicians in the Golden Age would throw a ball to announce their conjunxing.”

“A ball?”

“I don’t like it any more than you do, but I’ve already made some of the arrangements.  We just need to come up with our story and get it straight before then.”

Rodimus hugged Starscream tighter.  “Star, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re not in any shape to handle something like that.  You need to give yourself time to grieve.”

“That’s a luxury I don’t have.”

“But—”

“Rodimus.”  He turned his helm until Rodimus could see a sliver of his optic.  “I know what I can and can’t handle.  I can pretend to be happy for an evening.”  He faced forward again, sliding down a little further into the bath.  “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Rodimus rested his forehelm on Starscream’s helm.  “You’re sure it’s the only way?”

Starscream sighed.  “It’s not the only way, but it’s the best way.”  He rubbed the back of his helm against Rodimus’ cheek in an awkward nuzzle.  “If you’re with me, I’ll be fine.”

Rodimus’ spark swelled some, and their sparkling did a happy little orbit.

Starscream sighed again.  “Now we just have the do the Rites.”

Chapter Text

“If anyone asks, be as vague as possible,” Starscream said.  “It is private, after all.”

“Yeah, yeah… I’m not exactly excited to spill my guts to some random snobs.”

“But don’t ignore any direct questions.  If you seem reluctant they’re going to think you’re hiding something.”

“So don’t give too much info, but don’t withhold it either.  Cool.”

“Welcome to my world, hot shot.”

“What if they ask if I’m sparked, huh?” Rodimus said smugly, crossing his arms.  “Seems pretty direct to me.”

Starscream rolled his optics.  “Well, obviously you lie then.  Really, Rodimus, I knew you weren’t the brightest bulb, but I didn’t realize just how dim.”

“You’re mean.”

Starscream tapped him on the nose.  “And getting brighter by the minute.”  In a patronizing voice he added, “Good job, Rodimus.” 

Before Rodimus could give a biting retort, Starscream said, “Just say that you’re not but that we’ve talked about having one in the future.  You could even say that we’re leaving things up to Primus or some slag like that.  They’ll eat that up.”

“So, we’re talking pre-war values, here.”

“And brighter, still.  I should give you a gold star, hot shot.”

“Quit while you’re behind.”

Starscream gave him a quick kiss.  “Just act like you saved yourself for marriage and have sex to procreate and we’ll be fine.”

“This is gonna suck, isn’t it?”

“A quick learner, aren’t you, Rodimus?”

“Hey, this is a new world for me!  All of it.  I do my best to avoid pompous afts and any circles that have too many rules.”

“You’ll do fine.”  Starscream gave him a winning smile.  “After all, if the big, bad Decepticon Air Commander can manage, surely Rodimus Prime can.”

Rodimus rolled his optics.  “Bad, maybe, but you’re, like, what, a helm taller than me?”

“Tall enough to make you look up to me.”  Starscream stroked Rodimus’ jawline fondly.  But then his gaze dropped.  First to Rodimus’ lips, but then further to the floor.  His field fizzled until Rodimus could only feel the faintest of feeling through their bond.

“Star?  You sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” Starscream said curtly, turning away.

“Star—”

“I’m not some broken mech, Rodimus,” Starscream said through grit denta. 

“I know, Star, but—”

“But what ?” Starscream snapped.

“Don’t get pissed at me!  You’ve been crying your optics out for days .”

Starscream’s optics flashed angrily before dulling to how they’d been.  Rodimus’ spark twisted in his chest.  Their sparkling protested with pricks of static and a frantic tug that had him putting a hand to his chest.

Bright red optics focused on that movement.

“They’re fine.  I’m fine,” Rodimus said, irritation making his words sharp.

“You sure about that?”

“ Yes .”

 “Well, then.  How many times do I have to say I’ll be fine before you believe me?”

“Maybe once you are .”

Starscream scoffed.  “You’re going to be waiting a long time, hot shot.”

“Look, you’re the one who’s paranoid about reporters.  What’s going to happen if you just break down?”

“I won’t .”

“Like you won’t have any more nightmares?”

“I can’t help that!”

“That’s the problem!  You can’t help how you feel, Star.  And with the fresh bond and all the worrying…”

“We don’t have a choice, Rodimus.  So you can either run off to that ship of yours like I know you want to and I’ll send you child support, or you can do this.  Those are your options.”

Rodimus sighed harshly.  “Really feels like you’re trying to get me to leave, here.”

Starscream shrugged, avoiding optic contact.

Rodimus sighed again, but softly this time.  “Fine.  I trust you to know your limits.  But I swear to Primus if you—”  Rodimus put a hand over his mouth and his tank, groaning quietly.

“You’re not going to purge , are you?”

Rodimus swallowed a few times. 

“At least do it in the washracks,” Starscream said, his lip curling up in disgust.

“Thanks for your concern ,” Rodimus spat.  He ran to the washracks, hunkering himself down over the drain, fighting back the waves of nausea.  He loathed to imagine how much more energon Starscream was going to shove down his intake after this.  Swallowing more, he curled up on the floor.

“You didn’t take the medicinal dose, did you?”

Rodimus shot him a glare.

“It does have anti-nausea nanites.”

“For your information—!”  Rodimus’ optics bugged out before he purged, rolling over onto his hands and knees.  To Starscream’s credit, he did stroke his back comfortingly.  “I did .”

“Doesn’t look like it, hot shot.”

“Okay, well, sometimes I burn through stuff faster than most bots.”

“Hm.  Maybe I should get you to a doctor today .”

“It’s a bit of morning sickness.  I’m fine .”

Starscream sighed.  “Stubborn brat.”

Rodimus groaned, holding his tank.  “I’m kindled!  You’re supposed to be nice to me.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Starscream said.  Grabbing a face towel from the wall, he gently cleaned Rodimus’ face.  “Still nauseous?”

 “A little, but,” he glanced at the drain, “don’t think I’ve got anything left to purge.”

“Good.  Wouldn’t want you getting any on me.”

“Aft.”

“I said I’d help you raise the little ankle-biter, but I never agreed to getting purged on.”

“Oh, like you never purged on anyone while you were kindled.”

“Correct.  I kindle gracefully .  I glow .  And grounders, evidently, don’t .”

Rodimus shot Starscream a glare before his frame forced him to dry heave.  He heard Starscream make a disgusted noise, but he stayed and stroked his spoiler.  So that was something.

“You’re so worried about me making it through the evening, but what about you ?”

When he was freed from his unsuccessful purging, Rodimus sighed and said, “I don’t know.”

“We’ll just have to pump you full of anti-nausea nanites and hope for the best.”

“ Great plan.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

Rodimus swallowed.  “We get Brainstorm to invent time travel again, and then we send me back to before I ever made this stupid energon leech.”

Starscream’s wings twitched.  “And then I could be rid of my whiny brat.”

Rodimus rolled over onto his back.  The cool tile soothed his scalding plating.

“Sometimes I wish I could rewind,” Rodimus said quietly.  “To before Megatron.”

Starscream rolled his optics.  “Yes, well, you can’t , so get your sorry aft off of the floor and let’s get some more energon in you before you go into stasis.  And then I’m going to go make an appointment with a doctor for you for the day after the ball.  See if we can make this a little easier for you.”

Starscream knelt down and offered Rodimus a hand.  “I suppose I should be nicer.  This is your first sparkling.”

Various warnings popped up on Rodimus’ HUD.  Low fuel, of course, and a few for overheating.

Rodimus took his hand, letting Starscream help him up.  He hated feeling so helpless.  Especially around Starscream.

“You’ll live.”

Rodimus chuckled.  “Here’s hoping.”

“Let’s get you some more medicinal doses.”  Speaking over his shoulder as he left, he added, “While you have that, we can discuss what we’ll say if they ask about the Rites.”

“Can’t it wait until I feel less dead?” 

“Rodimus, we need to sort this out before the ball.”

Rodimus groaned but followed Starscream back out to the living room.  He plopped himself down on the couch, lounging and crossing his arms.

“Cheer up, sweetspark.”  Starscream said, handing Rodimus the unappetizingly green energon.  Then he gave him a little chin scratch.  “Once we have our story sorted, I’ll eat you out.  Does that sweeten the deal?”

“You’re bribing me with oral?”

Starscream shrugged and sat.  “Whatever works.”

“Okay, deal.”

Rodimus took a drink, made a face, but when Starscream gave him a look , he took a few more awful sips before setting the drink aside.

“I have a few ideas in mind, but I want to pick your processor, first, since I’ll be initiating.”

“Uh, why would you be initiating?”

“I know, I know.  I’m a prize and you really should be begging for me to love you, but given the circumstances, it makes more sense for me to have initiated.  In any case , how would Rodimus of Nyon like to be courted?  What would make for the perfect gift for the Ritus?”

Rodimus decided to just let Starscream win that one.  “Does it matter?  It’s all fake anyways.”

“I’m going to have to pretend I know you, so yes , it does matter.”  Starscream scooted down the couch until their thighs touched.  He leaned in close to Rodimus, dropping his voice deep into his chest to add, “And I am curious.”

“Oh, uh, well… I’ve never really been… I mean I’ve had relationships, obviously, but never super serious, or we just didn’t court, or, y’know, with Megatron , so…”  Rodimus flinched at Starscream’s gentle touch to his chin.

“Just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean that you don’t know how you’d like it to happen.” Starscream had a faraway look in his optics even as he looked at Rodimus.

He couldn’t help but wonder how Chance would have courted him. He knew their customs and seemed to have no problem with wooing Starscream. He’d done it so effortlessly .

Rodimus knew he had to focus on the now, but between Chance and Megatron… his spark had never felt quite so confused. But he was here, now, with Starscream. Kindled and without many options, so he pushed through everything and focused on the beautiful mech in front of him.

“Courting was never really a thing in Nyon.  Not where I came from, anyways.  None of us had much so the whole gift-buying thing was out of the question.  So… we gave each other experiences.  Whenever a couple had saved up a little bit of extra fuel to burn, they’d go racing or to the next town over to sightsee.  Sometimes they just drove out to look at the stars.  There wasn’t much to it, so,” Rodimus shrugged, “I dunno.  Guess I don’t really care about that stuff.”

“Mm.  I suppose I’ll have to kiss the answer out of you.”

Rodimus’ optics flicked down to slightly parted lips.  “Guess so.”

When their lips met, their problems vanished.  It was so easy to just keep doing this.  To just kiss and feel each other up and frag a bit and laze around his place all day.  But Starscream kept bringing up the fact that there was a world around them and said world wanted to know exactly what it was they were doing in there.

And Rodimus didn’t want them to know.

“Can’t we just be dating?” Rodimus asked quietly.  “’Cause that’s what we’re doing… right?”

“We… are.”  Starscream seemed to be carefully considering his words.  He sighed.  “Believe me, I really don’t want to have to do this.  But I’d take this over the tabloids.  They’re going to pick us apart anyways, but I’d rather not give them any fodder.  And you being knocked up when we’re not conjunx?  That’s setting out a buffet for them.”

“Uuuuugh.”  Rodimus flopped into Starscream’s lap, much to the seeker’s surprise.

“We just have to make up a believable story.”  Starscream pet his finials. 

“Can’t you just think of something?”

“I could , but I think we should know at least a little about each other, don’t you?  So, if money was no object, what would Rodimus Prime buy himself?”

Rodimus shrugged as he sat back up.

“At least put in a little effort.” 

“I dunno.  I just wanna be on my ship.”

“I could work with that.”  Starscream put a hand to his chin.  “I can’t get you the Lost Light , but I could get us a small ship.  Perhaps a promise to explore one day?”

Rodimus’ spoiler perked up.

Starscream followed that movement, making Rodimus’ spoiler quiver with his gentle touch.  “Alright, then.  Now, what place is special to us?”

“Your berth.”  Rodimus smiled mischievously, turning his helm just enough to catch Starscream’s optic.

Starscream bore a similar grin.  “‘Oh, yes, Rodimus’ Act of Devotion was fragging me into the berth.’  I’m sure that will go over well.” 

Starscream kept fondling his spoiler and it was causing a stir in his nether region.  He got up and straddled Starscream, hugging himself to him and encouraging his hands to keep at it.  Nuzzling into his neck, he asked, “Would me staying here pass as the Act of Devotion?”

“As long as we make it clear that you wouldn’t have stayed, otherwise.”

“Cool, cool.”

“Drink some more, Rodimus.”

Rodimus blew a raspberry, but sat up and did as he was told.  Now that the nausea was fading, he was getting pretty hungry.

Starscream’s brow furrowed in thought.  “A place is going to be difficult.  Anywhere public is out of the question, since we haven’t been seen together, and, quite frankly, with you being off-planet …”

“Then why not just,” Rodimus took another drink, “y’know, by your long-range communication system?  That’s how we’ve been ‘talking,’ right?”

“That’s not a terrible idea.”

“I am more than just a pretty face.”

“Who said you were pretty?”

Rodimus lightly punched Starscream’s arm.  “Stop being so mean .”

“Alright, I’ll be very nice , then.”  Starscream gave him a positively lewd smile.  “But you’d better finish your ration, first.  I wouldn’t want you going into stasis while you’re reeling in overload.”  Starscream’s hand slid up his thigh.

“You have to get me to overload first.”

“Easy.”

Starscream pushed the coffee table forward, leaving enough room for him to kneel between Rodimus’ legs.

“I really like you from this angle,” Rodimus said.

“Mm…”  Starscream looked up at him with lust-clouded optics.  “This isn’t your best angle, though.”

Rodimus frowned.

“If you want me to stop insulting you, then maybe you should give me something to occupy my mouth with.”  He waggled his optic ridges suggestively.

“You’d better make it good.”

“And you’d better finish that cube.”

Rodimus took another swig, then let his valve cover slide away.

“My, so wet already.”  Starscream ran a finger along plump and puffy valve lips, gathering up a good amount of lubricant.  “I suppose I do have that effect on mechs.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.  I’m extra horny because I’m knocked up.”

"Lucky me."

Rodimus' valve made a lewd, wet noise as it eagerly sucked in Starscream's fingers.  He let out a ventilation as he pressed in deep, making Rodimus shudder.

"You said you were gonna eat me out," Rodimus said, his voice breathy.

"As soon as you finish your energon, absolutely."  He smirked that signature Starscream smirk.  

He made no comment as Rodimus tipped the cube, eagerly swallowing down what remained.  A good amount dripped down his chin and onto his chest.  It didn't help that Starscream was slowly fingering his oversensitive valve.  Too much and yet not enough .

"You'd better hurry up," Starscream purred.  "You look delectable ."

Rodimus hastily swallowed what remained while Starscream licked his lips.  He hadn't even put his empty glass down before Starscream tugged his hips forward and against his more than eager mouth.  Laving his node while he ran his fingertips along his thighs, he made Rodimus melt into the cushions.

"Mm, Star…"  Rodimus stroked Starscream's helm.  He arched off the couch when Starscream latched onto his node, gently suckling.

Rodimus' cooling fans came roaring on.  He vented steam, his mouth open and panting.

Starscream hit a particularly sensitive spot and Rodimus' thighs unintentionally came together.  He forced them back apart, driving Rodimus mad until overload hit his systems and he dug his fingers into Starscream's helm, mangling his name.

"That was fast," Starscream teased lightly.

"I'm just," Rodimus took some deep ventilations, " extra horny .  Don't… flatter yourself."

Starscream laughed as he dove back in, twice as eager.  His still-sensitive node throbbed and he tried to squirm away.

Starscream didn't let him.

"Stay still.  I'm nowhere near done with you yet."

That had Rodimus' engine revving.  He clawed at the couch, doing his best to not try and escape the mouth that was ravishing his valve like he was triple filtered perfection after running on fumes.  And every little moan Starscream made vibrated against his node.

He didn't miss the hand slipping between Starscream's thighs.

And yet, even with one hand occupied, he still managed to keep Rodimus right where he wanted him.  Right on the precipice of pleasure.

Starscream looked up, his gorgeous red optics clouded with desire.  

Even with his processor firmly in his array, Rodimus couldn't help but whisper, "You're beautiful."

That perfect mouth paused.  He pulled away, his face covered in Rodimus' fluids.  He looked like he was going to say something, then decided against it.  He shut his optics and burrowed deeper into Rodimus' plush, soaked folds.

"And I mean that," Rodimus said breathily.  He petted Starscream's helm.  "So goddamn beautiful."

Starscream's wings fluttered a bit.  

Rodimus stifled a snicker.  And the desire to call him cute.  But at this point, anything but a moan would've been difficult to get out.  Every little desperate word he tried to speak dissolved into incoherence as he chased his quickly approaching overload.

Shaking and dripping, Rodimus overloaded, bringing a new rush of fluids that Starscream lapped up like it sustained him.

"Get up here," Rodimus said as soon as he came down from his high.  He made grabby hands at Starscream.

"What, do you want to cuddle ?"

"As much as you do, I'm sure, but no.  I wanna help finish you off."

Starscream hesitated a moment, the hand still lazily rubbing his node pausing.

"I wanna make you feel good, too.  I don't like to leave anyone unsatisfied."  He motioned him to come up again.  "C'mon, Star."

He did, eventually, but he wasn't expecting to find him with his helm bowed and more than just lubricant wetting his cheeks.

"Hey…"

"I'm fine."

"You're not, but that's okay."  Rodimus wiped away his tears, and considered it a win that he let him.  He did look a little silly with half a pink face, but he decided not to tease him.  Not right now, anyways.

"What is wrong with me?" Starscream whispered.

"A lot of things, but not this.  This is because you've been hurt ."  When his humour didn't land, and seeing Starscream cry was making tears well up in his own optics, Rodimus said with a laugh to his tone, "What if I started crying, too, hm?  What then?"

"You're an idiot," Starscream said.

"But I'm your idiot," Rodimus said as twin streams rolled down his cheeks.  "C'mere."

Rodimus pulled him closer, but instead of hugging him, he started to lick all of the lubricant off of Starscream's face.

"What is wrong with you? "  Though he said that, Starscream still cracked a smile.

"What, you don't find this hot?"

"You're disgusting ."

Smiling, laughing, and still crying a bit, Rodimus kissed Starscream, still tasting himself on his smile.  And despite his protestations, he pressed a flurry of kisses to his cheeks, making him laugh even more.

Once Rodimus stopped laughing, his sides aching in the best way, he wiped away his tears and pulled Starscream close, tucking his helm into the crook of his neck.

A sigh that said so much flowed from Starscream's vents.  "Why do you have to be so much like him?"

"Just accept that you have a type: lovable idiots."

Starscream snorted.  "Loveable?  Debatable."

"Rude." Rodimus pet Starscream's wing mount.  "Still horny?"

" Really? "

"What?  Offer's still on the table, so, you horny or nah?"

Starscream let out a puff of laughter as he straightened himself.

"Gotta admit, Star, you look hot as fuck when you cry."

"Now I know you're lying."

Rodimus shrugged.  "I've got, like, that baseline horniness right now and you're just hot period , so it's like a half lie."

"I'll accept a half lie."

"So… yes?"

"Mhm.  Better make it good, though."

"It'll be the best you've ever had."  Rodimus leaned towards him and whispered conspiratorially, "That was another half lie."

Starscream laughed again.  It gave Rodimus a blissful thrill that he was able to cheer him up.

"So, uh… whatcha want?"

Starscream settled himself in Rodimus’ lap, his back to Rodimus’ chest. He let his modesty panel slide away, revealing a glistening valve.  A ring of red biolights pulsed invitingly.  He grabbed Rodimus' hand and placed it over his warm, wet entrance, watching him with burning desire.

"You're sure?"  Rodimus didn't take his hand away, but he didn't move it, either.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"But after everything, I thought—"

"Rodimus.  It's been millions of years.  You have got to trust me to know my own limits.  I literally put your hand there and you think I don't want it?"  Starscream raised an unamused optic ridge.

"But—"

"But nothing.  I swear to Primus, Rodimus, if you aren't ever gonna touch my valve then we might as well split up right now and save ourselves the sparkache.  So quit being such a tease and finger me already."

Rodimus nuzzled into the crook of Starscream's neck.  "Alright."

He'd barely gotten his finger inside when, on the breath of a whisper, Starscream said, "Just be gentle."

"I will, Star."

Rodimus was as careful as he could be.  He adjusted his position slightly when Starscream snaked a hand down to rub at his node.  It was the moaning of his name that gave him the confidence to sink two fingers in.

Starscream leaned his helm back against Rodimus’ shoulder.  His pleasured face was half-turned towards him, and he captured his lips in an awkward kiss that Starscream was only partly present for.

“Good?” Rodimus asked.

Starscream nodded, moaning deeply.  Sparks danced across his plating as his cooling fans ratcheted up to their highest setting.

“So damn beautiful,” Rodimus couldn’t help but whisper.

“Shut up and focus on what you’re doing.”  That was what Starscream said , but at such close range, with him too distracted to conceal anything, Rodimus felt that surge in his spark.

And in that moment, his spark called for a new name: 

Starscream .

Rodimus kissed Starscream’s neck, drawing a small gasp from his voicebox.  He wanted to pull every little pleasured noise he could from him.  He wanted him to writhe in ecstasy.  He wanted him to beg for more, more .  But more than anything else…

He wanted Starscream’s spark to call for him .

Starscream melted against him, his hand rubbing circles on his node as he bit his lip.  His valve made positively lewd, wet sounds as Rodimus worked his fingers in and out, dragging his fingertips along sparking nodes.

“More,” Starscream begged, his optics glowing like hot coals.

Rodimus kissed him and swallowed back his moan as he slipped a third finger in.  Snug up against the others, he felt Starscream’s calipers cycling down, squeezing and sucking him deeper.  The only warning to his overload was Starscream’s free hand digging into his thigh.

He arched off of him, breaking their kiss and letting his cry ring out.  And after all of the tears and anguish, hearing Starscream in ecstasy was music to Rodimus’ audials.

Starscream came down slowly.  He had an uncharacteristically soft look on his face as he regarded Rodimus, stroking his cheek.

“Yeah, that was about half as good as my best time,” Starscream joked.

“One day I will be your best.  Once I learn all of you kinks and sic them all on you at once.”

Starscream rolled his optics.  “I’d like to see you try, hot shot.”

Chapter Text

“Announcing: Starscream of Vos, High Chancellor and Lord of Cybertron, Emperor Perpetua, and Defender of the Realm, and presenting his conjunx: Rodimus Prime of Nyon!”

Applause greeted the new couple.  Starscream stopped them at the top of the impossibly tall stairs, smiling his wide politician smile while he waved to the crowd.  Rodimus flashed his own winning smile, clinging to Starscream and holding himself stiffly.  They started to make their way down the steps.

Rodimus whispered through the side of his smile, “I don’t think they put enough words behind your name.”

Starscream shot him a quick look, and Rodimus had to stifle a snicker.

“Also… you know I’m not really a Prime, right?”

“Hush.  It’s good press.  The whole Autobot-Decepticon peace slag.  You get it.”

Rodimus rolled his optics.

“Tone down the sass.  Happy couple .”

Rodimus had a few biting retorts, but kept them to himself.

Even though he’d downed as much medicinal energon as he could handle, he was already down a quarter tank and he felt a touch nauseous.  Not enough to purge.  Not yet , anyways.  But it didn’t help when they were suddenly swarmed by what felt like half of the party.

“Thank you all for coming,” Starscream said with his signature smirk.

They received a plethora of congratulations, and they both thanked everyone who came up to them.  The crowd mostly thinned out, but a few stayed to ask some follow-up questions.

"Was this a cross-faction relationship?" someone asked with a scandalized tone, but intrigue made their optics sparkle.

Rodimus couldn't help but laugh.  " No .  Starscream was nothing but an annoyance during the war."

Starscream's smile grew strained and his fingertips dug into Rodimus' spoiler mount.

"Uh, because I didn't have the opportunity to get to know him," Rodimus said.  "And I'm not sure it would've been good for the Decepticon second-in-command to be running around with me, y'know."

" Ex -Decepticon," Starscream corrected.

"Then how did this start?  You've been off-planet for years , Rodimus."

"Well, as you know, a few years ago, the mistrial of our lifetime occurred, and Megatron walked away, a free mech."

"Well, I mean, he wasn't free ," Rodimus said.

" Regardless ," Starscream said with a quick glare shot Rodimus' way, "he was put on the Lost Light , and I needed to check in and make sure he hadn't murdered everyone on board.

“At first it was just business,” Starscream said.  “Megatron and I would never have been trusted to speak alone , so Rodimus was forced to listen in.  I admit I was a little… not so much worried , but I know what it’s like to be under him and—”

“We were equal rank,” Rodimus interrupted.

“I doubt he saw it that way.  Anyways .  I just wanted to make sure that he wasn’t treating Rodimus the same way he’d treated me—thankfully, not—and my little check-ins turned into something more.”  Starscream put a hand on the small of Rodimus’ back and gave him a fond smile.  “A quick minute after Megatron had left, then a five-minute update, then ten minutes of small talk, then an hour of not-so-small talk… and then we were calling each other outside of the briefings.  We both ended up staying up just to talk to each other.  We were both so busy during the day, after all, but we always made time.  Even if it meant we were a bit tired the next day.” 

That got them a few “aww’s” from the small crowd.

“Weren’t they using your Matrix map to find the Knights?” someone asked.

“We were , but… well, it kind of got destroyed during the whole Killswitch thing.  But, uh, I drew a map, and I trust my crew.”

And he did, and yet… guilt welled up inside of him.  He tried to find the words and ignore the anxiety sparking in his chest as his spark thrummed along with their little secret.

“Rodimus didn’t abandon his quest, if that’s what you’re implying,” Starscream said with an edge to his voice.  It softened as he continued, his optics glowing wistfully.  “After everything that had happened, everything he’d been through… I wanted to keep him safe.  I begged him to stay.  I’m not ashamed to say I got down on my knees.  I had to listen to Rodimus’ will once, and I thought I’d never see him again.  Before I’d even gotten the chance to truly know his touch.”

Rodimus felt his face and spoiler tips heating.  Even though this was all a lie and he knew it was all a lie, it felt so personal, like… like this was a story meant just for them.

Starscream chuckled, looking a little embarrassed himself.  “It took all I had not to run into his arms when I saw him.”

Rodimus hid his face against Starscream’s shoulder, hearing a few more “aww’s” from the small crowd.  Starscream’s ventilations tickled his cheek when he turned to look at him.

“You all go and enjoy the festivities,” Starscream said.  “I’m so pleased you all could come to celebrate Rodimus and I.”

As the bots dispersed, and Rodimus lifted his helm, he just caught the tail end of Starscream’s optic roll.

“Nosy afts.”

“Like you wouldn’t be prying into their lives,” Rodimus said.

“If I thought I could use that information, sure, but I don’t need to know who’s fragging who.  Anyways .”  Donning a softer, more genuine smile, he pulled Rodimus close.  “Care for a dance?”

“As long as you’re okay with me stepping on your pedes.”

“Just let me lead.”

Starscream took his hand, leading them through the crowd.  His wings helped to clear a path.  He led them directly to the middle of the dancefloor, his hand resting on Rodimus’ waist and pulling him close.

Rodimus stared at their pedes as Starscream took them through some simple steps.

“As cute as you look when you’re clueless, looking down will make it worse.”  Starscream stopped, then tilted Rodimus’ chin up.  “Just look into my optics.”

Rodimus swallowed.  He’d really become a sucker for red.

His hand returning to Rodimus’ waist, Starscream said, “When I step forward, you step back.”  

He did just that, and though Rodimus nearly sent them toppling, they stayed upright.

“And when I step backward…”  Doing that, Starscream smiled when Rodimus stepped forward nearly in time.  “Good job, Rodimus.”

Though he said it a little patronizingly, Rodimus still found himself blushing.

Starscream didn’t miss that.

“Look at you, being my good little conjunx.  Even I’m starting to believe our little charade.”

“ Stop ,” Rodimus hissed.

“But it’s so fun.”

“Listen, I’m already extra horny from… y’know … so.  Stop.”

“ Oh?  I thought I was just embarrassing you.  I guess I’ll have to remember this for after the party.”  Starscream rested his forehelm on Rodimus’.  “I have to take care of you, my good little boy.”

Rodimus purposefully stepped on Starscream’s pede.

“Worth it,” Starscream said.  “Now, just make sure you look at me like I’m the only mech in the room.  We’re madly in love, remember?”

“Oh, yes ,” Rodimus said sarcastically.  He slapped on the goofiest, sappiest look he could manage, his optics huge and glistening.

Starscream led him in gentle sways, stepping back and forth in time with the music.  Rodimus wondered how much of his expression was true, because the way he was looking at him…

“I’d compliment you, but I’m worried you might leak all over the floor.”

Okay, so, probably forced.

Still.

As the song wound down, Starscream slowed them to a stop.  Still holding Rodimus’ hand, he bowed slightly and pressed a kiss to the back of it, and for a moment Rodimus couldn’t ventilate.  The moment was ruined when another mech bumped into him and sent him crashing into Starscream.

“You said you couldn’t dance , but I didn’t think you—”

“Ah, Starscream, I was hoping I would run into you.”

Starscream masked his annoyance with a smile, but it didn’t reach his optics.  “ Encode .  Always a… pleasure .”

“And how nice it is to meet you, Rodimus.”

Rodimus’ plating prickled from the way this guy leered at him.  His first impression was made all the more worse when Encode did exactly what Starscream had just moments ago: kissed his hand.

“Likewise,” Rodimus lied, snatching his hand back.

“Rodimus, this is Senator Encode, he's… we work together.”

“Just Encode, please,” he said, still focusing much of his attention on Rodimus.  “Why don’t we find a nice quiet corner and you can tell me all about your conjunxing.  I do so love a good love story.  Especially when the conjunx is so beautiful .”

“You flatter me,” Rodimus said through grit denta.

Encode wasn’t much to look at.  He was a boring, dark gray, with maybe two accents of olive green.  No biolights.  No kibble.  Not even the fun kibble.  Top him off with a pair of dark blue optics and a rounded helm that reminded him of a bald human, and you had a senator.

“Encode, we can’t tell that story to everyone here,” Starscream said.  “We’d be here all night.”

“Surely you can spare some time for little ol’ me?”  Before they could give him an answer, Encode said, “Why don’t I get us all some drinks?  I can meet you by the fountain.”

He was off before they could protest.

Starscream groaned.

“So, that guy seems like a pain in the aft,” Rodimus said.

“If you mean a mech who plays Unicron’s advocate and makes every legislature session about a million times longer than it needs to be, then yes , he’s a pain in the aft.  He’s also known to flirt with just about anyone with curves, so… isn’t that fun?”

“Oh, joy.”

“Thankfully, he’s learned flirting with me is a detriment to any bills he might want passed.”

“All for the benefit of Cybertron, I’m sure.”

Starscream sighed.  “I’d really rather not talk about work.  Especially since we’re about to have a lengthy conversation with Encode.”

Resting a hand on the small of Rodimus’ back, Starscream led him back through the crowd.  It was a little quieter over by the fountain.  If they’d been alone, the gentle babbling and faded music would’ve made it almost romantic.  Of course, it was all soured when Encode returned, drinks in hand.

And then Rodimus realized a little… hiccup .

“Uh, no engex for me,” Rodimus said.  “Sorry, you ran off so quickly I didn’t get a chance to tell you.”

“No?  You’re not kindled , are you?”

Rodimus laughed nervously.  “I sure hope not!”

“No?  I bet you’d make some beautiful sparklings.”

Rodimus didn’t miss Encode’s elevator optics.

“If he was , that would be a lovely surprise,” Starscream said.  “It’s not something we’ve ruled out, but we’re not actively trying.”

“Leaving it up to Primus?” Encode asked.

Rodimus shot Starscream an amused look.

“You could say that,” Starscream said.  “But, no, Rodimus just doesn’t drink much.  Fetch him something virgin , why don’t you?”

“Anything for your conjunx, of course.”

Rodimus feigned purging once he was out of audial range.  “And you have to work with this guy?”

Starscream sighed.  “Unfortunately.”

“So, uh, should I let you tell the whole conjunxing story?”

“That’s probably best.  I know how to handle him, after all.  If you just stand there and look pretty, you’ll keep him happy.”

“Aren’t you lucky that you get to take this pretty mech home with you?”

Starscream surprised Rodimus with a kiss and left him with pink tinged cheeks.

“Very,” he whispered.

Rodimus pulled him in for another kiss, forgetting where they were for just a moment.  Of course, Encode had to ruin it.

“Ah, the joys of being newly conjunxed,” Encode said.  “I hope it lasts.”

Rodimus begrudgingly thanked Encode for his energon, and when he looked down at it, he had to swallow back a wave of nausea.  He took a small sip, to be polite, and thankfully he could ignore the slight churning of his tank.

“Now, please… tell me about the Rites.”

“Oh, well… that’s personal , you know?” Rodimus tried to deflect.

“That’s why I love to hear about them,” Encode said.  “It tells me so much about the two of you and how you came to be.  Which we’re all interested to know.  I just never would have guessed the two of you would ever get together.”

“Rodimus did surprise me,” Starscream said, “but in a good way.  We had a history, of course, as most Autobots and Decepticons did, but after the war I was given the opportunity to get to know him."

"Yes, I heard about how you started talking," Encode said.  "I want to know what changed ."

Rodimus and Starscream looked at each other and couldn't help but laugh.  If he only knew.

"We bonded over complaining about Megatron," Starscream said.  Not a total lie.  "And you know what they say: the enemy of my enemy is my friend."

"I mean, I wouldn't have called Megatron my enemy ," Rodimus chimed in.  "Not on the Lost Light , anyways."  That got him claws digging into his spoiler mount.

" Regardless , that's how it started.  And, well, as I'm sure you've noticed, Rodimus is quite easy on the optics.  After listening to Megatron and having to look at him, Rodimus was refreshing.  So, admittedly, at first it was purely based on attraction.  But…"  Starscream gazed at Rodimus fondly.  "We just got to talking and I realized how much we have in common.  And he makes me laugh."

Rodimus found himself genuinely smiling.  He knew that last point rang true, at the very least.

"What about the Rites?" Encode asked.  "You two have spent so much time apart.  I can only imagine that made it difficult, no?  I mean, how well can you truly know someone if you haven't spent time together in-person?"

"Quite well," Starscream said.  "There's a reason I performed the Rites the first night after Rodimus returned.

"Now, I couldn't exactly take him to a special place, so I took him to my long-range communications console.  That is where our story began, after all.  I gave him a ship big enough for two with a promise to one day travel the stars together."  Starscream's gaze drifted from Encode.  "Just… just big enough for two.  So we could escape.  We could escape Megatron and the war and just be together.

“And he was… flying,” Starscream said wistfully, his gaze far-off.  “And all I wanted to do was join him.”

“Flying?”  Encode looked Rodimus up and down.

“He meant the Lost Light ,” Rodimus quickly interjected.  He subtly shook Starscream, trying to break him out of this all-too-familiar trance. 

“I wanted to fly with him.  He was so beautiful…”

“Oh, Starscream, you flatter me.”  Rodimus turned Starscream’s helm until their optics met.  He finally saw some clarity in those red depths.

“Yes, right,” Starscream said.  “He was going to leave again.  On that ship of his.  Flying off to who-knows-where and so often out of communication range.  There were times I would go months without hearing from him.  I spent so much time worrying about him—whether he was happy or even just alive .  Which is why…”  He placed a hand over Rodimus’ spark.

“Which is why my Act of Devotion was agreeing to stay here, with Starscream,” Rodimus murmured, gazing into Starscream’s optics.  “I miss exploring, being among the stars, but there is no adventure more rewarding than Starscream’s love.”

Encode stared Rodimus down with slightly narrowed optics.

“Is that so surprising?” Starscream asked.  He kept his smile, but it was strained.

“Well, I do work with you,” Encode said with a laugh.

Rodimus couldn’t help a small laugh of his own.  “He’s really not so bad.”

“I’m sure you could do with a break from him, though, right Rodimus?”

Rodimus raised an optic ridge, but Encode had turned his attention back to Starscream.

“Surely, you’ll permit me one dance with your conjunx, won’t you Starscream?” Encode asked.  “After all, it’s not fair that you have all that beauty to yourself.”

Rodimus pursed his lips, crossing his arms and then immediately uncrossing them.  He forced a smile.

“I believe that’s up to my conjunx ,” Starscream said, pulling Rodimus closer.  “This isn’t the Golden Age, Encode.  Believe it or not, but Rodimus is his own mech.”  His words dripped with sarcasm.

“My apologies.”  Encode turned to Rodimus.  “I meant no disrespect.  But, the question remains.”  He held his hand out.  “Shall we?”

Rodimus was worried that if he opened his mouth he might purge.  Instead, he nodded, trying to hide his disgust.

Starscream gave him a half-surprised half-worried look.  “Alright.  I’ll be right over here if you need me to cut in.”

As Encode led him onto the dance floor, Rodimus gave Starscream a panicked look.  He pouted when Starscream gave him an amused look and a small wave.  Fragger.

"I'm really not that great at dancing," Rodimus said.  "Not this kind, anyways."

"Don't you worry your pretty little helm, Rodimus.  I just need you to follow my lead."

Encode lead them through the mass of dancers to a corner of the room that was less populated.

Where Rodimus couldn't see Starscream.

“A pity you’ve been off-world,” Encode said as he pulled Rodimus in by the waist.  Close.  A little too close.  And the grip on his hand nearly hurt .  Hopefully this song was short.

“Yeah, well, I was leading a pretty important quest.”

“A quest you abandoned …”  Rodimus leaned away as Encode leaned forward.  “… for Starscream .”

Rodimus’ tank churned and his lines ran hot.  “They don’t need me,” he said quietly and bitterly.  At a normal speaking volume, he added, “I stayed on Cybertron because Starscream asked me to.”

“Yes, a touching Act of Devotion.”

Rodimus glanced back when the hand that was on his waist was now nearly on his hip.  He frowned for only a moment.

“Of course, I’m sure few would complain about getting to behold such beauty.”

Rodimus’ spoiler twitched.  “Uh… thanks.”

Encode twirled them around and around until the room spun.  He swallowed against the growing nausea.  Frag.  If this kept up, he was—

Rodimus put a hand to his mouth, stopping.

“Are you alright, Rodimus?”

Swallowing a few times, putting a hand to his chest, Rodimus nodded.  “I get dizzy easily,” he lied.  “Maybe a little less spinning?”

“Of course.”

Okay, Encode’s hand was definitely sliding lower.  Lower than even Starscream would go, at least in public.  Still, he kept up his smile and only purposefully stepped on his pede once .  Thankfully, he kept their dancing to mostly swaying, so he didn’t think he was gonna purge.  But if he did , he was gonna make sure it was right in Encode’s stupid face.

“You know, Rodimus…”  Encode pulled him even closer, his rank ventilations wafting over his face.  “I’m sure it’s fun being the First Mech, but remember that Starscream’s position is terribly volatile.  In a few years he might not have any money at all.”

“I’m not with him for his money,” Rodimus said.  He dropped his smile, recoiling from the stench of engex.  “We’re in love.”

“Of course , dear.  It’s alright, I won’t tell.  But if you were to be with, say, a Senator, such as myself, with a much more secure position… I could provide for you for the rest of your days.  Anything you could ever want or need.”

Rodimus glanced around, trying to find Starscream.  Even though there were very few bots around here, he couldn’t see him.

“All I want or need is Starscream .”  Rodimus stopped even pretending to dance with Encode.  “And I think I’ve had quite enough of you.”

“Don’t be like that, pet.”

Pet?!

“Seekers are vain.  They only want to mate with other seekers.  You do know that, right?  But, of course you do, since you are so in love, yes?  He’ll never give you a sparkling.  And if he's said he will, he's lying."

“Who says I even want a sparkling?”  Rodimus hoped the panic wasn’t showing in his optics, though it certainly came out in his voice.

Encode chuckled.  “Everyone wants to settle down now that the war is over.  Bots are pairing off left and right and sparklings are the natural result.  Especially since our population was decimated.  And since you’re not off on that space adventure anymore, I can only assume it’s because you want a family of your own.  The family Starscream won’t give you.”

Rodimus wanted to laugh.  If only he knew.  Unless… he did know?

“I stayed for Starscream ,” Rodimus said.

"And that's all?"

Rodimus really wanted to punch this guy.  "Yeah, maybe I would like a sparkling, but I would be happy without one, too."

“Rodimus, don’t kid yourself.  You’re a smart mech.”  Encode’s hand was decidedly on his hip, now.  “He can make all of the promises he wants to, but they’re empty.  An attractive mech like you?  I’m sure he’d say anything to get you in his berth.  You’re nothing but a trophy conjunx.”

Rodimus scoffed.  “As if I’d be anything else to you.”

“Of course.  You’d bear my sparklings.  Sparklings I would actually give you.  I imagine your Matrix-blessed spark is particularly fertile, as well.”

Trying to be good, Rodimus only gave Encode a soft glare.  “I agreed to a dance, Encode.  One dance.  There is nothing you can offer me that will make me leave Starscream because we are, may I remind you, in love. ”

Where was Starscream?

Rodimus tried to back away, but Encode held him firm.

“One night with me, Rodimus, and I can guarantee you won’t even remember Starscream’s name.”  His hand slid even lower, and Rodimus saw red.

The next thing he knew, Starscream had him by the shoulders, pulling him back from Encode, who was holding his cheek.

“He punched me!”

“He grabbed my aft!” Rodimus shrieked.

Starscream held a fuming Rodimus close. 

“I did no such thing!” Encode said.

Before Rodimus could cuss him out, Starscream said, contempt thick in his tone, “Yes, you did.  I was watching.  And I don’t appreciate you implying that my conjunx would lie about such a thing.”

“If I did, it was an accident, of course,” Encode said, regaining his composure.  “I would never do such a thing.”

“Oh, so you saying ‘one night with me, and I guarantee you won’t even remember Starscream’s name,’ had nothing to do with that?”  Rodimus pressed himself closer to Starscream as his conjunx gave him a reassuring squeeze.  “Because that sure as hell sounds like sexual harassment to me.”

“Rodimus, surely you just brushed up against another dancer.”  Encode waved his hands around at the crowd.  “Nothing to see here, folks.  Just a little misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding ?  The only misunderstanding here is you thinking that I would ever want to be with you!”

“ Rodimus ,” Starscream hissed in his audial.  “Calm down.  He’s not worth it.”

“I sincerely apologize, Rodimus.  I would never do something so vile, but I’m sorry you feel like that happened to you.  Is there anything I can do?”

Rodimus fumed.  He glared him down, his fingers itching to throw a harder punch at that smug, insincere face.  Or at that very least cuss him out.  But he forced his hackles down, his spoiler twitching irritably.  He knew he couldn’t say anything without yelling, so he just turned around and walked away, Starscream in tow.

“Are you alright?” Starscream asked quietly the moment they were away from everyone else.

Rodimus shook his helm, his lower lip quivering.  “Can we go home?” he asked, his voice shaking.

Starscream sighed, giving him an apologetic look.  “Not just yet.  I’m sorry, Rodimus.  But I’ll stay with you for the rest of the night, okay?”

Rodimus shook.

“Unfortunately, Encode has a lot of influence around here.  He’s one of those ‘can-do-no-wrong’ types.  And he’s used to getting his way.”  Starscream sighed.  “But I didn’t think he’d do anything like that .”

Hugging himself, Rodimus asked meekly, “Am I just someone for you to show off?”

“What on Cybertron was Encode saying to you to put that thought in your processor?”

Rodimus shrugged.  “He just made me feel like something to be passed around.  Like a trophy or something.”

“You are a prize, but that’s not all you are.”  Starscream kissed him gently.  “Don’t listen to Encode.  And let’s look on the bright side; that outburst will distract the tabloids from your baby bump.”

“I don’t have a baby bump!”  But as Rodimus looked down, he realized just how real this was becoming.  “Do you think anyone will notice?”

“I doubt it.  Not unless they were already looking for it.  Just flaunt yourself and no one will be able to even think about sparklings.”

“Really don’t want to do that right now.”

“Oh, I know.  I know.  Just a few more hours.  Just… look enamoured with me.  Hold onto my arm and leave the talking to me.”

Rodimus clung to him.  It couldn’t have been comfortable.  But, to his credit, Starscream didn’t complain or even try to loosen his grip.  He stayed animated—as animated as he could with one arm—and kept the focus on himself. 

He tried to pay attention and even managed a sentence or two here and there.  It never lasted, though.  Every time he found a modicum of comfort, the crowd would shift and Encode would be there.  Or he’d hear his obnoxious laugh or some wild recounting of a story that definitely happened.

Rodimus' tank churned.  He tugged on Starscream's arm, swallowing rapidly and stifling the urge to cover his mouth.

"Excuse us," Starscream said, hurrying Rodimus away.  Once they were out of audial range, he said, "Keep it down.  I'll get you to a washracks."

Lost in a nauseous blur, Rodimus didn’t notice the looks they were getting.  He just heard Starscream swearing under his ventilations until, finally , they found a room with a sink.

Rodimus just barely made it.

Starscream stroked his spoiler mount while anxiously glancing over his shoulder for any other partygoers.  Thankfully, none came.

Rodimus coughed up what was left in his tank, visibly shaking.  “This is, by far, the worst party I’ve ever been to.”

“Consider it over, then.  We’ve made enough of an appearance.”

Rodimus swallowed a few times as the nausea faded.  “We might have a new problem, though.”

“Hm?”

“I think Encode might know I’m sparked.”

Starscream’s wings hiked up and his optics grew sharp.  “What did he say?”

“I dunno, he was just…”  Rodimus sighed.  “He said you’d never give me a sparkling.  That whole time he was trying to convince me to leave you for him, but what if he was just trying to make me admit it?”

“Encode’s sleazy and can talk his way out of just about any situation, but he’s not too bright.  I doubt he knows.”

“But what if he does?  He could leak it to the press.”

Starscream thought for a moment.  "Maybe it's best we just announce it ourselves."

"What, like, today?"

"Tomorrow," Starscream decided.  "I'd prefer to wait, but it's better we announce it then to have it leak.  And besides, if anyone sees when I take you to see a doctor, I imagine rumors will fly regardless.

"Rodimus."  He suddenly looked serious.  "If you want out, this is your last chance."

"Pretty sure announcing that I'm your conjunx was my last chance," Rodimus said in a laughing tone.

"Perhaps, but as soon as we have a sparkling together…"

"Don't you worry, Star."  Rodimus took Starscream’s hand.  "I'm ready for whatever this new adventure brings."

"Ugh, I was afraid you'd say something sappy like that."

"You love it."

Chapter Text

"Well, Rodimus, you seem perfectly healthy and should have no trouble carrying,” the doctor said, looking over Rodimus’ charts. “Provided you keep up with your increased doses."

"That is, if I can keep it down ," Rodimus grumbled.  All night he'd had a low level nausea that kept him from a good night's sleep.  It wasn't as bad now, but it was still there .

"The morning sickness shouldn't last too much longer, but I can give you something that should help, if you'd like."

"Please."

"Now, let's take a look at your spark.  I just want to check that the sparkling is a healthy size."

Rodimus bared his spark, and at first it was only Starscream who seemed to be in awe at the bright blue-white bathing the room.  But after staring at his spark for what felt like a solid minute, the doctor's optics widened with excitement.

"What?  What is it?"  Rodimus looked down, but it all looked normal to him.

"I've only heard about this happening, but I've never seen it for myself.  Fascinating. "

"What's fascinating?" Rodimus asked, mild fear creeping into his tone.

"What's wrong with it?" Starscream demanded.

"Oh, nothing's wrong .  Sorry, I should have kept those thoughts to myself.  But I will say: congratulations .  You're having twins ."

Cybertron seemed to halt.  A million thoughts swarmed Rodimus' processor, and he couldn't get a grip on any of them.  So, he just sat there with a dumb look on his face while the world still moved around him.

” Twins ?!” Starscream exclaimed.

“Well, twins in a sense.  One of the buds is newer than the other, so it’s from a different merge than the first.  It’s incredibly rare.  Very few sparks can handle the strain.”

Rodimus squeezed Starscream’s hand until it hurt.  His optics were wide and staring off at nothing.  All noise turned to static and his vision blurred.  He didn’t catch another word until Starscream shook him.

“You alright?”

Rodimus addressed the doctor instead of Starscream.  “You’re sure it’s from a different merge?  How can you even tell?”

“Positive.  One is nearly double the size of the other.”

“Can Rodimus’ spark handle the strain?” Starscream voiced a different worry.

“He should be fine. At this size, one of them would have detached by now if he couldn’t. The spark will always prioritize the carrier over the sparkling. Which is why it’s important that you get at least two extra doses of energon a day, Rodimus. I would recommend keeping your levels above a half-tank if possible.”

Rodimus anxiously checked his fuel levels. Primus he’d topped himself up before they left and he was already close to half-empty!

“As long as you take care of yourself, they should be perfectly healthy sparklings.” The doctor gave him a kind smile, but Rodimus drew little comfort from it.

“And taking care of yourself includes ventilating ,” Starscream said unhelpfully.

Annoyingly, it did help to focus on just getting air through his system.

“What’ll happen if I get below a half-tank?” Rodimus asked.

“Likely nothing, but, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, you’re burning through energon faster than you can drink it. And since this is so rare, I want to be cautious. Which includes weekly visits for the time being.” He put a hand on Rodimus’ shoulder. “You’re going to be alright, Rodimus.”

“But… but how could this happen?”  Rodimus didn’t want to believe it.

“Does it matter?” Starscream asked.

“Well, there’s very little research done on the matter, especially since the war, but from what I understand, if someone has a particularly bright spark and merges with someone else multiple times in a short period of time, a second bud can form.  Your spark can, essentially, be ‘tricked’ into thinking it’s not kindled.  It takes many rare occurrences all happening at once, so you should count yourself lucky, Rodimus.”

Lucky .

“Yeah.  Sure.”

Rodimus didn’t remember driving home.  Or leaving the doctor’s.  Or standing.  The next thing he knew, Starscream was closing the door behind them and they were back home.  Well… not quite home yet.  Soon, hopefully.

“Guess we have to buy a second crib, huh?” Rodimus joked.

“And a second room.”  Starscream had a hand on his chin, looking pensive, as he walked over to the hall and stared down it.  “I was thinking we’d just convert one of the guest rooms to be the kid’s room, and we could just have both of our guest rooms be their rooms, but I don’t think I’m ready to admit that our social lives are dead right now.  And do I really need a home office?”  Starscream raised his hands, like he was picturing it.  “We could knock down the wall between those rooms, and just shift it over until they’re even.  What do you think?”

Rodimus hugged himself, saying nothing.

Starscream turned.  “Okay.  What’s bothering you?”  His face turned sympathetic, if a bit annoyed, as he crossed back over to him.

“I mean… it’s twins , Starscream.  Aren’t you at least a little, I don’t know, phased ?”

Starscream shrugged.  “It’s a fact.  No amount of worrying will change that.”

“It’s okay if you… y’know… don’t wanna do this anymore,” Rodimus said meekly.  “You agreed to one sparkling, not two.”

“No, I agreed to financially support you and the kid.  Kids.  Whatever.  There wasn’t some clause that rendered that offer null and void if you happened to have two.”

“There wasn’t really a contract at all.”

“Well, if there was one, the clause would say I’m out if you’re having five .”

“ Five is your limit?!”

Starscream rolled his optics.  “This is what I get for trying to be supportive.”  He ended his words with a smile, though.  “You’re still feeling alright?”

“Mhm.  Don’t really feel any different.  But that probably explains why I’m burning through my energon so quickly.”

Starscream chuckled.  “That’d do it.  Are you hungry now?”

“Yeah.  I can get it myself, though.”

“Now, what kind of fake conjunx would I be if I made the carrier of my sparklings get his own energon while he’s kindled ?”  Starscream gave him a long, but chaste, kiss.  “You go to berth.  I’ll join you soon.”

“I’m not even tired.”

Starscream shrugged.  “We don’t have to sleep.”  He gave Rodimus a wicked smile, his optics glowing like hot coals.

“I thought I was supposed to be the extra horny one.”

“And I’m supposed to provide for you.  Does that not include fragging you into the berth?”

“True.”

A coil of lust building in his array, Rodimus went to the berthroom and waited.  And waited.  He was messing around with his HUD settings by the time Starscream finally showed up, energon in hand.

“Took you long enough.”

Starscream sighed.  “I have to go to the office.  Something about some protest…”

Rodimus made an exaggeratedly sad face.  “Do you have to go?”

“Unfortunately.  Just… find something to entertain yourself with.  Hopefully it won’t take too long.”

Rodimus groaned and flopped forward onto the berth.

“Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.”  Starscream kissed his forehelm.  “I’ll be back later.”

Once Starscream left, he considered self-servicing, but he was really craving that plating-on-plating contact.  Or maybe just… just any contact.

Rodimus sat himself down at the long-range communications console. He typed in the Lost Light’s frequency and prayed that someone would answer. 

He’d never been more relieved to see Blaster.

“Oh! Rodimus! I, uh…”

Rodimus couldn’t help but laugh. So much had happened in so little time that he’d all but forgotten the mutiny. It’s not like it really mattered, now.

“Water under the bridge, Blaster. You can make it up to me by patching me through to Drift, okay?”

“Of course, captain, or… I’ll patch you through.”

“Hey, I’ve got no problem if you still want to call me captain. Kind of nice coming from you.” He smiled at Blaster. “It’s okay, Blaster. You’re all forgiven.”

“We’re all sorry, Rodimus. If we’d known what Getaway was really planning we never would have followed him.”

Rodimus waved his hand dismissively. “Like I said: you’re forgiven. Now, Drift please?”

Giving him a small salute, Blaster said, “Patching you through, captain.”

A bittersweet warmth found his spark. He stroked his chest plating, feeling the sparkling— sparklings —follow the path of his fingertips. The wanderlust fled his frame. 

He’d never really understood that whole maternal instinct thing. Whenever people described everything paling in comparison and how your sparklings became your whole world, he just couldn’t believe it. Sure, they would be important. Of course, he would love them. But the bliss he felt from the tug on his spark, and his need to protect them… he’d give his life for them. Without hesitation.

An elated face lit up the screen. “Rodimus!”

Rodimus beamed. “It’s so good to see you, Drift.”

“It’s good to see you, too. How are you? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, Drift. In fact, I have a bit of an… update.”

“Good update or bad update?”

“Good. Good, I think.” Rodimus felt around for his sparklings again. “So, apparently , I had something super rare happen to me, and… I’m having two. Sparklings, that is. From different merges. So, twins, but not.”

“You’re having twins ?”

One moment Drift was there, and the next he was nothing but delighted squealing off-screen, while Ratchet scowled in the background.

“What the hell are you screaming for, Drift?” Ratchet shouted.

Drift tackle-hugged Ratchet, and Rodimus didn’t miss the small smile on his face before he returned to scowling.

“What is the matter with you?”

“Rodimus is having twins!” Drift excitedly told him. “Oh, please, can I tell him, Ratty?”

“Tell me what?” Rodimus shouted, trying to be heard. "Also, Ratty? "

“It’s too soon, kid.”

“It’ll be fine. Please? He’s my best friend. I want him to know.”

Ratchet let out a long-winded sigh. “Fine. But I don’t need him spreading this around.” He said his next words quietly, but Rodimus still managed to hear him say, “worried I’ll lose it.”

Drift squeezed Ratchet tight. “Thanks, Ratty. I love you.”

Ratchet’s features softened. “I love you, too, kid.”

Rodimus couldn’t help but smile along with them. “ Finally! Are you conjunx now?”

They both blushed. Ratchet got up and walked off-screen. Drift came back over to the console, looking bashful.

“Yeah, we are. I decided to take matters into my own hands and performed the Rites not long after we got back to the Lost Light . I should’ve told you sooner, but, uh…” Drift’s finials were bright red. “We’ve been busy.”

“ Oh? ” Rodimus leaned forward. “How’s his dick game?” He waggled his optic ridges.

“That is not what I said you could tell him!” Ratchet yelled from off-screen.

Leaning down close to the microphone, Drift whispered, “I’ll call you back when Ratchet’s not here.” Sitting back, he said, “I have some better news to share, though. It’s… it’s really new and I’m really hoping telling you doesn’t jinx it, but I’m gonna explode if I don’t tell someone .”

“What is it?”

Drift bit his lip and then blurted out, “Ratchet’s kindled, too!”

“ What? ”

“It’s really new. We just found out a couple of days ago. Ratchet’s worried about losing it, so we’re not telling anyone else until we’re past the first few weeks. So, please keep it a secret.”

“You know I will!" 

Rodimus fought back a wave of homesickness. The idea that he and Drift could've raised their sparklings at the same time was just… it was all he could ask for. They'd grow up together and hopefully be friends.

But not while he was here.

"I'm so happy for you, Drift," Rodimus said. He smiled wide, and though he was sad that this perfect life sat just out of reach, his happiness was genuine. He and Ratchet deserved to be happy.

"I'm happy for you, too, Rodimus." Drift smiled back. "You are happy there, right?"

"Yes," he answered without hesitation. "It's… it's different. It's not what I had planned, but it's good ." He smiled fondly down at his baby bump, running his hands along the swelling armour. "I just hope I can give them a good life, y'know?"

Drift gasped. "Are you showing already? Let me see!"

Rodimus rolled his optics fondly. He stood and turned so Drift could see the gentle curve of his frame. "I am having twins, so, two protoforms. I'm gonna be huge ."

Drift made a delighted noise. "I can't wait to meet them."

"And you will. I promise that. I don't know when or how, but you will ."

"I'm holding you to that. Have you thought of names for them?"

Rodimus laughed. "Okay, it's still way too early for that."

"It's never too early." Drift leaned down close to the microphone again, looking at Rodimus conspiratorially. "I've already got a whole list but Ratchet doesn't know yet so shh…" He held a finger to his lips.

Rodimus made a zipping motion over his mouth.

"It's been great catching up, Drift, and I want updates with Ratchet, so I'll call you again soon, but I need to talk to Minimus, too. Think you could get him on the line for me? Without the Magnus armour, if he's okay with that."

“Of course.  Gonna come clean to him?”

Rodimus gave a shrug he didn’t fully commit to.  “I figured he should hear it from me before the news breaks.  Plus… he should know.  About me and Megs.  I don’t want him thinking I abandoned the quest for nothing.  Or worse, for Starscream .”

"No one thinks that, Roddy. Admittedly, the rumours are flying, and they're not too far from the truth. Mostly they think Starscream knocked you up in a one-night stand."

Rodimus laughed then sighed wistfully. "Of course they do."

"What do you want me to tell them?"

Rodimus shrugged. "They'll hear the news soon enough and they'll think what they think. I've made my choice and I'm sticking with it."

"I wish you all the best, Rodimus. Talk to you soon?"

"As soon as I can," he promised.

With a little wave, Drift put him on hold while he transferred the call. It rang and rang and Rodimus wondered if maybe Minimus was too mad to talk to him. He didn’t really blame him. He’d been betrayed by Megatron, too, after all. For their quest to suddenly lose both of their captains…

Rodimus sighed. He’d lifted his hand to disconnect the call when a mustachioed face finally appeared on the screen.

Minimus crossed his arms and stared down his nose at Rodimus.

“Hey, Minimus,” Rodimus said with an awkward wave.  “Look, I know we didn’t part on great terms, and you’re probably still pissed at me, but I wanted to tell you why I really didn’t come with you.  I had—I have —a good reason.  And I wanted you to hear it from me before the news breaks.”

“News?”

“Yeah.  Actually, I wanted to tell you the truth .  Because the news isn’t really… the full truth.”  Rodimus swallowed, mustering up some courage.  But he still wasn’t able to look at the camera as he admitted, “I’m… I’m sparked, Minimus.”

Minimus didn’t say anything for so long that Rodimus thought the call dropped.  When he lifted his gaze, however, he found Minimus staring, his red optics cycled wide.

“With… with Starscream?! ”

“Uh… yeah… kinda… see, okay,” Rodimus took a deep ventilation, sighing it out, “Yes, technically it is Starscream’s.  But it wasn’t to begin with.”

Minimus looked terribly confused.

“It was Megatron’s.”

“ Megatron’s? ”

“Yeah.  We were together for a while.”

Rodimus could practically hear the gears turning in Minimus’ helm.

“And before you accuse me, I didn’t help him escape.  I’m fucking furious that he left me.  But… he didn’t know about the sparkling.  I’d only just noticed it myself.  And I’m glad it was so new so I could overwrite its data because there was no way in hell I was gonna raise Megs’ kid.  So.  Yeah.  It’s Starscream’s now.  Or rather they’re Starscream’s—did I say I was having two?  I’m having two.  That’s a whole other thing.”

Rodimus gave his friend some time to process all of this.

“How long were you with Megatron?” Minimus finally asked.

Rodimus shrugged.  “A few years?  I didn’t really keep track, to be honest.  We weren’t… really official.  Like, we were , but we weren’t , but—okay, you don’t really care about this, do you?”

“I’m more concerned that you never reported your romantic relationship to me.  You know relationships within the chain of command need to be documented.”

Rodimus laughed.  “Of course that’s what you’re concerned with.  Well, that aside, complicated feelings aside, that’s why I couldn’t come with you.”  He rested a hand over his spark.  It beat as though he’d just been racing.  “My sparklings take priority now, which means I couldn’t risk being in a fight.”

“A wise choice, but… Starscream ?  Of all mechs?  Surely someone on board could have helped you.”

“You offering?” Rodimus teased.  “And, I mean, yeah , but I wanted somewhere secure—somewhere safe —to raise them.  And I doubt I could’ve juggled my time very well.  I dunno.  It was a quick decision and I think a lot of it had to do with Starscream kinda… you know… knowing what it was like to be in his place.”

“Did Megatron—”

“ No .  He never hurt me.  Not physically, anyways.  Really, it’s just that he wanted to keep this a secret and then just left me .  But… Minimus, I know you got close to him, too.  That you saw him as a friend.  We both lost sight of who Megatron really was, and Starscream just reminded me that he really can’t atone.”

“But Starscream can?  Drift can?”

Rodimus sighed harshly.  “Don’t do this, Minimus.”

“You need to remember, Rodimus, Starscream has done terrible things.”

“Minimus, please .  I get what you’re trying to say.  I do , but I think there’s a huge difference between someone actively trying to be better and someone who just acted like that until he found a way out.  He betrayed us.  But Starscream?  He’s been taking care of me.  I feel happy and safe and like this is exactly where I need to be for my sparklings.  Yeah, there’s a chance I look back at this and realize I’ve made a mistake, but right now it feels right .”  He looked Minimus right in the optics.  “And I need your support.  I need you to take care of the Lost Light and everyone on it.  Hopefully, one day, I can rejoin you all.  Maybe with my kids.  I don’t know.

“It’s… kinda scary.  Captaining is one thing, but carrying is another.  I have to take care of them.  I just hope I can be everything they need and that I don’t screw them up.”

After a lengthy silence, Minimus said, “You’re going to be a great father, Rodimus.”

“Well… I’ll try.”

“You will be,” Minimus reassured him.

Rodimus smiled fondly.  “Thanks, Minimus.  That means a lot to me.”  He was going to leave it at that, but he added, “I miss you.”

After an uncomfortably long silence, Minimus quietly said, "I miss you, too. The Lost Light isn't the same without you."

"Aw, man, you're gonna make me cry, Mims." Rodimus hadn't really meant that, but a tear still streaked down his cheek.

Stupid hormones.

"Are you alright?"

Rodimus nodded, wiping the tear away. "My emotions have been all out of whack, lately. The joys of being kindled."

“Well… I wish you all the best, Rodimus. I just hope you’re making the right decision.”

Doubt crept into Rodimus’ lines even as he said, “I know it is.”

They said their good-byes, and Rodimus sat by the dark screen for a while, feeling lost. Homesickness and wanderlust overwhelmed him. Seeing Drift and Minimus…

He had to get out.

Chapter Text

In a daze, Rodimus stumbled to the door.  Starscream’s ever-present grief pricked at his spark and exacerbated his own.  The absence of Chance and Megatron yawned like a black hole in his chest, threatening to swallow him and his sparklings whole.

Ventilating too fast to truly cool himself, Rodimus fled to the streets, transforming and racing away.  He swerved in and out of traffic.  He kept going even when he left the maintained streets of Iacon.  He only stopped when the terrain became too rough to drive on.

Rodimus sat in his alt mode until he felt cramped, but transforming didn’t help.  He wanted to tear his plating off.  He felt suffocated.

He dropped to the ground and curled into a ball, hiding his face against his knees.  He couldn’t stop the flood of tears, bursting from their dams.  Hot streams poured down his cheeks as everything rushed out of his frame.

He missed him.

He missed him so much .

All he wanted was to feel his strong, protective arms wrapped around him, while he whispered that everything would be alright.  He wanted to hear those three little words.  And he wanted to believe them .

Why did he let Starscream overwrite their sparkling?  He let him take the last part of Megatron that he had—and for what?   Because he was angry?  Resentful?

Maybe… maybe he didn’t want to leave him.  Maybe it was just an accident.  He certainly didn’t trust Terminus.

If only he’d told him that he was sparked.  Megatron never would’ve left his side.  And maybe right now, they’d have been bickering on the bridge while subtly flirting and sharing knowing looks.  Later, he’d slip into Megatron’s room and either climb into berth with him or onto his lap to bother him.  No matter what, he’d end up with his frame flush to Megatron.  Stealing his heat and talking about everything and nothing.

Rodimus traced the invisible seam on Megatron’s chest.  “Have I worn you down enough, yet?”

“For what?”

“To bond.  Duh.”

“No.”

“Damn.  Maybe tomorrow, then?”

Megatron chuckled.  “Maybe tomorrow.”

“Cool.”

Rodimus settled down, fighting off his usual disappointment.  “Maybe tomorrow” had been repeated to him so many times it had lost its meaning.

“Hey, Megs?”

“I said ‘no,’ Rodimus.”

“That’s not what I was gonna ask.”

“Then ask, already.  It’s late and we need to sleep.”

Rodimus rolled his optics.  “Right, ‘cause you need your beauty sleep.  Anyways , before I was so rudely interrupted, I was gonna ask you if you ever wanted a sparkling.”

“The answer is now: hell no.”

Rodimus huffed out a sigh.  “I wasn’t saying I wanted one with you, I was just asking .  Geez…”

"Even if you did wear me down, I would never want to burden you with a sparkling."

"And I said I was just asking.   You take everything so seriously."  Rodimus got off of him, laying down with his back to him.

Megatron pulled Rodimus against him.  He tucked his helm between Rodimus' helm and his shoulder pauldron .

"Sulking?"

"No."

"Seems like it."

"And it seems like you don't love me."

"Never doubt that, Rodimus."  He kissed his cheek.  "I love you more than anything."

"You know, when I love someone, first off, I tell people.  And then, if I really love someone, I bond with them.  Because, y'know, that's what people do when they're in love.  And yet here we are, in a secret relationship, unbonded.  So forgive me ," Rodimus smacked him with his spoiler, "if I'm a bit pissed."

Megatron said nothing, but he did hug him a little tighter.

"I'm tired of this," Rodimus said.  "You can say ‘I love you’ all you want, but I think you would agree that actions speak louder than words, and your actions have said a hell of a lot."

Rodimus wanted to squirm away and tell him to get the fuck out, but his spark kept him pinned as much as Megatron's arms.

"Do you really need this?"

"I need something .  You can say you're not embarrassed of me all you want, but if you won't tell anyone you're with me I'm gonna assume you are . And since no one would know if we bonded unless we told them, then yeah, I do need this.  Because I don't believe that you really love me when you treat me this way."

Rodimus felt tears rolling down his cheeks.  Everything was just so stupid, but he was the stupidest for falling for Megatron.

Megatron sighed.

"Stop stringing me along," Rodimus sobbed.  Primus, he sounded so pathetic.

"A bond is forever, Rodimus.  At least, until death.  And mine is swiftly approaching."

"You don't know that."

"Perhaps it is not certain , but it is likely .  And it is because I love you that I do not wish to put you through that pain."

Megatron tugged on his chin, but Rodimus stubbornly kept his face turned away.

"Please look at me, Rodimus."

"Why?"

"Because I want to look you in the optic when I say this."

Huffing out a few annoyed sighs, Rodimus rolled over.  He gave Megatron a soft glare.

"I will… consider bonding with you," Megatron said.

Rodimus knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up, but all his processor would give him was pure joy . He somehow managed to tackle Megatron while horizontal and nearly embracing. He nuzzled into the crook of his neck, venting in his scent.

“Thank you!”

“I said I would consider it,” Megatron said. “I still think it’s a terrible idea, but…” He held him tightly. Almost to the point of pain. “I love you and I want to make you happy.”

“You do make me happy,” Rodimus whispered. “Which is why I want to share that with the world.”

“But I—”

“I know. I really do understand, but this is killing me , Megs.” Rodimus pulled back just enough to put his hand over Megatron’s spark. “Don’t you feel like you might just burst from it all? Like your spark will never feel full?”

Megatron’s gaze softening, he whispered, “Believe me, Rodimus, my spark sings for yours in a way it hasn’t in a very long time. If it ever did at all .”

“Then I think it’s stupid that you’re denying yourself.” Rodimus returned to the safe embrace of his conjunx. “None of us are ever guaranteed to see tomorrow. I could croak tomorrow for all we know. And everyone who ever bonds with anyone knows this. Because it’s not about the possible or even probable end, it’s about the now . It’s about sharing something special with someone you love.”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

“You wanna?”

“Not tonight, but…” Megatron cupped Rodimus’ cheek, his optics a too-bright blue. “Let me make it a special night for you. If you truly want to remember me, then I want to give you a night worth remembering.”

Primus, how he just wished he could forget . 

“Rodimus?”

Rodimus lifted his helm.

“Rodimus what the hell are you doing out here?”

“Starscream?” Rodimus blinked rapidly. “Oh. I…”

Starscream knelt down and tilted Rodimus’ chin up. His expression softened some when he saw his tear-streaked cheeks. Though annoyance still prickled through his field.

“I’m fine,” Rodimus lied.

“What happened?”

“Just… hormones, I guess.”

“Mhm…”

“We should go home. Or I should and you should go back to work. I’m good.”

“Sure you are.” Starscream helped Rodimus to his pedes. “You’d better be in crisis because I pissed a lot of people off by leaving. So. Tell me what’s upsetting you.”

Guilt added to the grief.

"I have an idea, so you might as well come clean."

"I… I dunno I just saw Drift and he and Ratchet got together and Ratchet's kindled and—shit, forget you heard that I wasn't supposed to say anything."

"It's not like I care about Ratchet's personal life."

Rodimus sighed. "Well… I guess I got jealous and I missed…"

"You'll stop missing him after a while." Starscream didn't say this sympathetically, but like it was a simple fact. "But for Primus' sake, Rodimus, can't you cry at home? You have two extra lives to look after, now."

Rodimus said nothing.

"And just look at you, covered in filth. You're the First Mech and you look like you've been sitting in a rusty pool of water. I can't take you anywhere, can I?"

"You're mean."

"And you're kindled . You can't just go and do whatever you want," Starscream said. "They're my kids, too. I need you to take care of yourself."

Rodimus weakly glared at the ground.

Starscream sighed. "Why don't we go have a nice spa day, hm? A nice day of pampering might take your processor off of things. And Primus do I need some stress relief. Dealing with a first-time carrier is a tough job. And just look at your paint." Starscream picked off a flake of navy paint. "I always preferred the fiery colours on you, anyways."

"Shut up."

" Or I could just take your grumpy aft home and you can clean yourself. How about that ?"

Rodimus crossed his arms.

"I am trying to be nice," Starscream said. "I know it's hard to separate yourself from him." His optics dimmed slightly. "But you will. Just give it time. And think about the adorable little seekers you'll give me."

Rodimus blew a raspberry. "As if. I'm having two little cars and there's nothing you can do about it."

Starscream groaned. "You're cleaning up the tiny skid marks."

The idea of a couple of tiny cars tearing up Starscream's floors made Rodimus smile. He really didn't care what their alt modes were.

He loved them already.

"There's that beautiful smile," Starscream said. "Now, come on before I change my mind."

Starscream sighed as he sank down into his oil bath. "Isn't this nice?"

"Yeah," Rodimus agreed. But he couldn't shake the sadness from his spark. No doubt Starscream still felt it, but he made no comment.

He lifted a hand to inspect it. It felt weird returning to his old colours, but right. After all, Drift had been right with his intentions, and he had to forget Getaway and everything attached to him. Hopefully he was rusting away somewhere, but it didn't matter because he had new responsibilities, now. Responsibilities that were not happy with how he was feeling.

"Calm down," Rodimus said to his chest.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Talking to the sparklings."

"Leave your carrier alone, little ones," Starscream said. He reached over to Rodimus' bath to stroke his chest, back to its usual gold colour. It seemed to calm them, but only a little.

Rodimus sighed and sank deeper into the warm oil.

"Try to relax." Even as he said that, Rodimus saw the haunted look in the depths of his crimson optics.

"I am trying," Rodimus snapped.

Rolling his optics, Starscream said, " Carriers ."

Rodimus closed his optics and tried to keep all the thoughts out. Tried . But like rust, ignoring them just made them creep in slowly until they overwhelmed him. 

The grief for Chance.

The rage for Getaway.

And the horrid mix of both for Megatron.

Starscream's HUD beeped, startling them both. Rodimus was glad for the distraction.

" Ugh . Sorry, I have to take this." He tapped the side of his helm. "What?" After a short silence, he said, "I had a family emergency. Whatever the problem is, handle it ."

Starscream stared ahead, his optics slowly widening before he put a hand to his forehelm, rubbing his temples. With a sigh, he said, "Yes, it is true."

"What is it?" Rodimus asked, his face scrunching with offense when Starscream shooed him away.

Wings shooting up and splashing oil, Starscream shrieked, "Of course it's mine! Whose else would it be?"

Rodimus' lines burned. He guessed what was happening, but was still annoyed by Starscream keeping him out of the loop. He reached for Starscream, but he got up and out of the tub and out of his reach.

"Oh, so just because we've only seen each other in person for a short while, there's no way I could've sparked him? Why wouldn't I merge with him as soon as I could? I thought he was dead !"

"Star, who's on the phone? "

Starscream waved him off again.

Starscream scoffed. "Like hell you are! Do you think for just one day—one moment —you could stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong?" He didn't give whoever it was a second to respond to the rhetorical question. "Leave me and my family alone. I don't want you near Rodimus. No! No, I don't give a damn! Now leave me alone so I can care for my conjunx ."

Starscream let out a growl.

"Who was that?" Rodimus demanded.

" Encode ," Starscream gritted his name out. 

Rodimus' tanks churned. He put a hand to his mouth.

"No, no , you are not letting him hold any power over you!" Starscream said. "That old crankshaft can get slagged ."

Try as he might, Rodimus couldn't keep it down. Thankfully there was an empty bucket for him by the bath that he could purge in, and he felt hot tears follow.

Stupid Encode.

Starscream knelt down beside Rodimus' bath, gently shushing him while he rubbed his spoiler mount in soothing circles.

"Primus, I'm so pathetic ," Rodimus sobbed. He heaved again, but nothing came.

Starscream unsubspaced a cube, and Rodimus groaned at the sight of it.

"I'm adding the anti-nausea nanites," Starscream said. "You need something in your tank before you drive home."

Worry from Starscream throbbed through their bond, making their sparklings orbit frantically. Even though just the idea of swallowing made him feel like he was going to bring everything back up, he drank what Starscream gave him. If only to get that concerned look off of his face that just looked so out of place.

But of course he was concerned. He didn't want to lose these ones.

Rodimus drank slowly, and once he was about halfway done the nausea subsided. He looked up when Starscream stroked his finials.

"Better?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Because we should get home as soon as we can. I've been informed that someone got wind that you were sparked. I'd like to give a proper announcement before they get to you and your blabbermouth."

"I'm not a blabbermouth!"

"But you are hormonal and you did punch a Senator." He stroked Rodimus' chin a little patronizingly. "You're too fiery for the press. You just let me handle those leeches ."

" Fine ," Rodimus conceded. If only so he didn't have to pretend to be nice.

They quickly got cleaned up, and Rodimus both loved and loathed how easily Starscream managed to rile him up without even trying. Which just made him want to get home even more . His mind was thoroughly in his array by the time they left, which made the surprise waiting for them all the more jarring.

"Rodimus, is it true that you're carrying someone else's sparkling?"

A dozen microphones were shoved in his face, all of them clambering for space.

"Who told you that?" Rodimus said before he could consider his words.

They surged closer, and Starscream stepped between them, shoving Rodimus back against the door.

"Give him some space! He's kindled ! With my sparklings!"

A dozen more questions were shouted at the pair, and the heat of all the frames made Rodimus feel like he was going to purge again . He covered his mouth and his tank.

An idea sparked in Starscream's optics. "You might want to give him some space. Unless you want him to purge on you all?"

When a small window opened in the throng, Starscream grabbed Rodimus' hand and rushed him through, shouting at him to transform once they were on the open road. Starscream followed in his jet mode, staying low to watch over Rodimus. He dropped down in front of him and Rodimus skidded to a stop just before sending Starscream toppling.

"What's the idea?" Rodimus snapped, transforming back to root mode.

"There's more of them swarming my building."

Rodimus groaned.

Starscream fired his thrusters and Rodimus was a nanoklik from asking where the hell he thought he was going when he zipped behind him, hands curling under Rodimus' armpits, and hefting him up into the sky.

" Primus you're heavy," Starscream muttered.

"I am not! And I'm carrying extra weight you—"

"Stop wiggling! Do you want to fall?"

Rodimus hung limply. "Where are you taking me?"

" Home . Where else?" Starscream's voice came out strained.

Huffing from the effort, Starscream managed to get the both of them to the roof of their building. He dropped Rodimus, who landed ungracefully, but still on his pedes. He glared at Starscream as he carefully lowered himself down.

"Thanks for showing so much concern ," Rodimus grumbled. "I'm only carrying your kids!"

"Oh, hush. They'll live." Starscream sighed as he sank down to the ground, putting his face in his hand. "This could have gone much better."

"Yeah, no shit. I told you Encode was up to something!"

"Just shut up and let me think , will you?"

"What's there to think about?"

"Maybe how to spin this story so that it doesn't look like this is a conjunxing of convenience?" Starscream snapped, ruby optics flaring. "Did you not hear them ask you if you're carrying someone else's sparkling?"

"Oh, come on , like they actually know! They're just grasping at dipsticks!"

"Until they go digging! What if they look into your time on the Lost Light ? Maybe they'll call some of your crew! And maybe they'll get close enough to the truth to ask just the right question to make you hesitate, and by Primus, will they get the truth out of your loose lips!"

Hot tears pricked at Rodimus' optics. "I kept my stupid relationship with Megatron secret for years ! You think I can't come up with a quick lie? You really think I'm that stupid ?" 

"You haven't had to deal with the press!"

"Oh, get bent! I can handle a few stupid reporters!"

"You were about to purge!"

"I was just crowded! I would have been—" Rodimus covered his mouth, swallowing rapidly.

Growling, Starscream stood and shoved Rodimus in the direction of the stairs. "Go home before you purge off the roof!"

If Rodimus didn't feel as sick as he did, he'd shove Starscream off the damn roof. As it was, he had to rush down the stairs and fumble through the door code, but he only managed to make it inside before he emptied his tanks for the second time that day. 

He lay down on the floor until he felt okay enough. He forced himself to get more energon down, popping a few more of the anti-nausea pills.

He was already running low.

Rodimus had half a processor to leave the mess for Starscream to deal with, but settled for cleaning it poorly. Then he took his pissed off frame to their berthroom and threw himself onto the berth and had an angry little cry and punched the pillow a few times. He felt a little better, but not fully.

He checked his spark, which was definitely the paranoia from Starscream's end, but the sparklings seemed fine. Irritated, but fine.

Stupid Starscream. Stupid fucking Encode !

Rodimus took an angry nap. He didn't feel refreshed when he woke up, and he was still stewing. He had his arms crossed, pouting, when Starscream dragged his sorry aft home and flopped down on the berth next to him.

"Oh, you are kidding yourself if you think you're sleeping here," Rodimus said.

"I'm exhausted , Rodimus. Can't you be angry with me in the morning?"

"I'm sorry, is me being rightfully pissed at you inconvenient ? Well, good! Because you're being a major aft!"

Starscream sighed. "Fine. You win. I'm being an aft."

Rodimus' spoiler twitched. "Well… that was almost an apology. But you're still sleeping on the couch!"

"This is my berth, that I bought with my money, and paid extra for wing comfort. So, no, I won't be sleeping on the couch. And if you're that upset with me, you can go sleep in the guest room."

"Well, maybe I will !" Rodimus huffed. 

He only managed to get half his leg out from under the covers before Starscream wrapped his arms around his waist, nuzzling against his spoiler mount.

"Let me go!"

"I just spent hours talking to reporters and diffusing this mess. I just want to fall asleep next to my conjunx."

"I'm not your conjunx! Not in here, anyways!"

"Then let's pretend."

The defeat in Starscream's voice had him pausing. That pause was long enough for Rodimus to feel how his hands shook. How he searched for the sparkbeats of their sparklings, still just pinpricks of life.

"I need to not be alone right now," Starscream said pathetically. "Please, I just… I need you right now."

Through their bond, Rodimus felt the weight of Starscream's grief pressing down on him. He felt his worry over him leaving or the sparklings not making it. 

But most of all, he felt his fear. The fear that Megatron would take whatever modicum of happiness he'd found in his unlikely partner.

Rodimus was still ticked off, but he slid back under the covers without complaint and let Starscream tug him close. He kept himself facing away, but Starscream seemed content enough, and it wasn’t long before his ventilations slowed, tickling Rodimus’ spoiler. Sighing out his anger, Rodimus managed to sleep, too.

The next morning came warm and hazy. Rodimus languidly stretched, finding the berth empty. His optic ridges formed a hard line. Good. He didn’t want to see his stupid face anyways.

“Good morning.”

Rodimus shot Starscream a glare.

Growling out a sigh, Starscream asked, “You can’t still be angry with me can you?” He exaggeratedly rolled his optics.

“I absolutely can!” Rodimus jerked his helm away when Starscream tried to kiss his cheek. “Don’t touch me!”

“You should be thanking me!” Starscream snapped. He slammed down the cube he’d brought Rodimus, sloshing some of the blue-green energon onto him and the nightstand. “Do you even know how close those leeches were getting to the truth? One of them even mentioned Megatron! Thankfully, it was only to suggest some ridiculous story about me using you in some convoluted plan to help him.” He made a disgusted face. “And, thankfully, bringing up the whole twins thing was a juicy little tidbit for the press. I made sure to highlight just how rare such an occurrence is.”

Rodimus ungratefully accepted his morning cube, but only because he was running low and their sparklings were innocent in all of this. No matter what, he’d keep them safe.

Following another harsh sigh, Starscream sat on the berth by Rodimus’ pedes. He stubbornly tugged them away from his “conjunx.”

“ Ugh . I’m sorry , okay?” Starscream spat. “But you have a big mouth and no impulse control!”

“And you’re shitty at apologies!”

It looked like it was taking all of Starscream’s willpower to not attack Rodimus. His optic twitched from the effort. When he spoke next, his voice was calm, but just barely . He spoke through grit denta. “You don’t have experience dealing with the press. Your public image is incredibly important. It doesn’t matter if you’ve done something wrong or not, it’s about how it looks . So if you don’t want to look like someone who sleeps around and gets accidentally knocked up, maybe you’ll listen to me .”

Rodimus threw back what was left of his morning ration and tossed the empty cube at Starscream. He crossed his arms and turned his nose up at him.

“Don’t be like that,” Starscream said, turning on the charm. He sidled closer, but didn’t touch him. “Why don’t I make it up to you by giving you a nice, hard frag, hm?”

“What was that about not making me look like a mech who sleeps around?” Rodimus spat.

“Ah, but everyone thinks I’m your conjunx. I should be the only one you’re sleeping with. And everyone knows that fragging is good for sparklings, and you’re having twins . So, really , we should be fucking each others’ processors out at every opportunity.”

“Well, if you’re so concerned about your public image, maybe you should be nice to your ‘conjunx,’” he made air quotes with his fingers, “and the carrier of your sparklings! ”

“I’d say a spike filling you up is plenty nice.”

Rodimus’ spoiler twitched. When Starscream’s hand rested on his thigh, he looked at it with disdain.

“I can tell how horny you are,” Starscream said, dropping his voice to a deep rumble.

“I’m sparked. I’m always horny.”

“ Exactly . And I’m offering .”

Rodimus narrowed his optics at him. “Get me another cube first.”

“And what will I get?” Starscream asked, leaning in close.

Shoving his face away, Rodimus said, “You get not punched in the face!”

Starscream rolled his optics, mouth in a slight pout as he made his way back out to the kitchen. 

He left Rodimus simmering, but no longer boiling. As much as he wanted to stay mad at the son of the glitch that was unfortunately his betrothed, a wet heat was building behind his panels. And since he was meant to be the good little First Mech, he supposed he had little choice in relief.

Wait. Since when did he need anyone else?

Rodimus let his modesty panel fold away. He ran his fingers through the wet folds of his valve, sinking them inside with a small moan. He lay back more comfortably and shut his optics. He set a gentle rhythm, his engine purring contentedly.

Even though he knew Starscream could feel what he was doing through the bond, he still made sure to moan exaggeratedly when he heard his thrusters clicking back down the hall.

“Getting started without me?”

“Having fun on my own ,” Rodimus corrected.

Starscream scoffed. “I brought you your cube, as you asked!”

Rodimus shrugged. “I changed my mind. I don’t forgive you yet.”

“ Fine .” Starscream set down the cube, then clambered over Rodimus rather than skirting the berth. He flopped down with a huff and let his own panels slide away. He made similar, over-exaggerated moans, but also shot a lust-filled look Rodimus’ way.

Despite his best efforts, Rodimus couldn’t help looking Starscream’s way. He found him with his helm thrown back and his mouth open, ventilating heavily. But his focus quickly shifted to the fingers knuckle-deep in his valve, their thrusting making lewd noises while his voicebox made even lewder noises.

Starscream’s cooling fans came on with a low hum. His free hand slid up his frame to tease at his turbines, making him squirm. And the faces he made…

Ruby optics opened, catching him looking. A sly smile spread beneath them. 

"Like what you see?"

Rodimus pointedly looked away, but not before he watched Starscream slip a third finger inside of himself. He moaned something about being so full and about how good it felt. Not one to be outdone, Rodimus shoved a third finger inside of himself and moaned even louder than Starscream had. He also arched his back in a way that had driven many a mech wild.

"Mm, yes , just like that," Starscream said on a ventilation. He rocked his hips into his hand. His wings wiggled invitingly in the way that just begged to be touched.

Rodimus didn't take the bait.

But then there was a small click , and Rodimus watched out of the corner of his optic as Starscream's spike slowly pressurized. Plate by plate by plate until its full length stood erect and Rodimus could only think about how good it would feel—no!

Rodimus closed his optics and did everything he could to shut Starscream out. He did ventilate in the heady smell of ozone, because that could be anyone's . It didn't have to be Starscream's spike he was fantasizing about. It could be Drift's it could be Mega—

A different burst of anger had him slamming his fingers inside of himself to the point of discomfort. He added a fourth finger and found himself nearly to that intoxicating stretch, but without his weight pressing him reassuringly into the berth…

A wave of sadness had his movements slowing. He'd never feel that weight again. That safety . Feeling like he had nothing to fear in the arms of a mech who'd used fear for so many years. He'd never hear that deep, rough, beautiful voice that could unravel him with just a few choice words.

"I love you…"

"Rodimus?"

Rodimus opened watery optics to Starscream over him. He hardened that gaze.

"Go fuck yourself."

Whatever concern Starscream had dried up like water on hot tarmac. He was certainly miffed , but Rodimus could tell through the bond that he was a lot more horny .

"I'd much rather fuck you ." His hand came up to stroke Rodimus' cheek, and through the anger and sorrow, he couldn't pull away. His traitorous frame even leaned into the touch. "Come now, Rodimus, what's a little hate frag between conjunx?"

Rodimus swatted Starscream's hand away and then held a finger up in front Starscream’s indignant face. With his other hand, he grabbed the unappetizing looking cube and threw it back like engex— Primus did he miss engex. With a satisfied aaah , he slammed the empty cube down and then grabbed Starscream by the chin.

“Spike me you insufferable—” 

Whatever was left of his insult died in his intake. Starscream sheathed himself inside, holding himself still so Rodimus could appreciate the fullness, before slamming home inside that welcoming heat.

Rodimus clawed at Starscream’s wings and he practically snarled . He tipped his helm back when Starscream lunged with bared fangs, but when they met with his throat, he hesitated and only grazed energon lines pulsing hot with energon. The cresting wave of lust died to disappointment.

“Coward,” Rodimus goaded him.

Giving him a particularly hard thrust, Starscream growled, “You’re kindled.”

“And you’re a coward.”

Sharp denta dug in and Rodimus groaned while a trail of energon trickled down his neck. He felt mildly light-helmed and a whole lot turned on while Starscream lapped up the mess he’d made.

“There is something very wrong with you,” Starscream said, his lips brushing the fresh wound.

“Says the mech who loved it just as much.” Rodimus hissed from pain-pleasure when Starscream sucked out more of his taboo treat. “Hey, leave some for Phoenix.”

Starscream pulled back, fully stopping, licking the pink from his lips. “Phoenix?”

Rolling his optics, Rodimus said, “Obviously that’s gonna be one of their names.”

“Naturally I get to pick the other one.”

Rodimus scoffed. “Yeah, right. I’m not letting you pick their names.”

“Brat.” Starscream started moving again, hips pistoning so fast that Rodimus forgot his own name, let alone his sparkling’s .

Desperate hands tried to find purchase on Starscream's frame, beading with condensation. He ventilated hot over Rodimus' neck. He felt the still-burning points where his fangs had dug in. Marking him. The near-claim sensation made Rodimus dizzy with emotion and he lost himself to the pleasure of the spike splitting him open.

He couldn't imagine how this could be good for their sparklings. Though, perhaps, it wasn't so much the fragging as it was the closeness .

Rodimus cried out Starscream's name when overload surged through him. It left him with shaking limbs, but didn't fully satiate him. His valve still throbbed with need while his spark called for something else entirely. Thankfully, Starscream didn't leave him wanting. His spike never stopped knocking into his ceiling nodes and bringing him right back to the edge again.

"You're not going to come again, are you?" Starscream asked with a smile that said he'd very much like to see that again.

"Wouldn't you like that," Rodimus said between heavy ventilations.

"I'd like my own , actually, but it would be nice to brag about how many I gave you."

Rodimus shuddered as Starscream ran his fingers along the edge of his spoiler. Wing-like, which made him an expert . And with his slender digits tapered to near-claws, Rodimus lost all control and was pushed over again.

"Was that good, hot shot?" Starscream purred. He kissed Rodimus before he could answer. 

The taste of his own energon was so taboo and erotic that Rodimus' optics rolled back into his helm. He let his hands fall back to the berth and let Starscream do whatever it was that Starscream wanted to do to him. He loved every second. 

He found out what he really wanted when he met Starscream's gaze.

Starscream stopped. He stared right into Rodimus’ optics, his own sparkling a deep red. They closed just as soon so that soft seeker lips could capture Rodimus’ in a tender kiss. Without a word passed between them, their chestplates parted, their sparks already reaching for the other. Tendrils reached out and grasped the other, clasping like tiny hands.

Rodimus fell into the bond easily. Not as deep as their previous bonds, but fulfilling nonetheless. He felt Starscream from the inside out. He felt their sparklings happily orbiting their singularity as they reaffirmed their connection.

Their other connection brought a rosy haze of pleasure to the merge. A new burst of lust flooded their systems when Starscream moved his hips just enough to be felt. Rodimus dug his fingers into his back, moaning into Starscream's mouth. Everything felt like just a bit too much.

"Star…" Rodimus' voice was so quiet that Starscream would have only been able to hear him through their sparks and the brush of his lips.

Starscream's arms encircled Rodimus' waist, pulling at the gorgeous curve of his spinal strut. He ground his hips, rubbing against Rodimus’ anterior node while his mouth slid down his jaw to his neck. He left sloppy, open-mouth kisses along the sensitive cabling there and drew his shortened name from Rodimus’ voicebox a few more blissful times.

Matrix-blue optics opened a sliver. The ceiling was visible through a haze of shared memories flitting through the bond. 

Soft, gentle moments not unlike this one. Steamy frags with Starscream’s fangs grazing his plating while he spread his legs further and his spike dove deeper. Moments of shared grief. Moments that dulled Starscream’s spark while Rodimus’ still burned ever-brighter.

Moments of love for the lives they’d created together.

Rodimus overloaded from both spark and valve. The dual release had him moaning Starscream’s name and squirming beneath his mass. Starscream panted, still pushing his hips into Rodimus’, chasing that building charge.

Hands still shaking post-climax, Rodimus cupped both of Starscream’s cheeks and pulled him back down into a kiss. Their glossa slid along each other as Starscream made the sweetest, muffled sounds. Rodimus wrapped his legs around Starscream as his hips snapped faster and faster, growing erratic as overload claimed him, too.

Starscream slumped forward onto Rodimus, who would have held him this close whether he wanted to or not. After a few minutes of panting and pinging plating, Starscream said, “Safe to say you forgive me?” Rodimus could hear the smirk in his voice.

Rodimus chuckled softly. “Get me another cube and I’ll let you know.”

Chapter Text

“Blink twice if you’re being held hostage.”

Rodimus lifted an optic ridge, glancing over at Windblade. He looked back at Starscream, still pontificating at his podium, announcing some new rehabilitation plan for veterans who were having trouble adjusting to the peace. He’d long since tuned out.

“Don’t worry. He can’t hear us over his ego.”

Rodimus snorted a laugh, which prompted his “conjunx” to shoot him a soft glare.

“I’m not being held hostage,” Rodimus said with a smile.

“Then, what is it? Blackmail? Life debt? Some Autobot program that pairs you up with Decepticons and you drew the short dipstick?”

Rodimus laughed again, and this time Starsrceam chastised him through their bond. Their sparklings fizzed along his spark casing. Like they were laughing along with their carrier.

“Is it so crazy that I might just enjoy his company?” Rodimus whispered.

“Yes.”

Rodimus shrugged. “Well… I do.”

“Seriously, Rodimus, I’ll help you escape.”

Rodimus rolled his optics. “I’m quite happy right where I am, Windblade. Well, I mean, maybe not right now . This is sooooo boring.”

“You’re going to have to get used to it as First Mech. If you truly love him, you know how much he loves to talk and be the centre of attention.”

“I’m hoping I’ll be able to use these two as excuses,” Rodimus said, putting his hands on his rounded belly. For once smiling at it instead of frowning at the reason he couldn’t transform anymore.

He’d become so slow . Waddling around with all this extra weight.

Windblade shuffled a little closer and leaned in. “He can’t hear us now. So are you really not being blackmailed?”

“ Yes ,” Rodimus hissed, trying and failing to keep the exasperation from his voice. Like all of his other emotions, his temper was on a much shorter fuse than usual. He made sure to calm himself before he added, “Don’t worry, Windblade, I’m here of my own free will.”

“So… they are Starscream’s?”

Rodimus rubbed his temples. It was too early for this. Well, it wasn’t, but he was too tired for this. “Yes, they’re Starscream’s. You can’t tell me you believe those tabloids, can you?”

“I just can’t imagine someone choosing to willingly be in the same room as Starscream, let alone share a life with him.”

Rodimus rolled his optics. “A few years ago I might have agreed with you, but he’s really not so bad… mostly.”

“In any case, I was happy to hear that there will be other sparklings around the same age as mine.” Windblade beamed.

“Hey, that’s dope! So, you’re kindled, too?”

“Not me. Chromia.” She nodded towards her bodyguard-slash-conjunx, diligently searching the crowd for any potential threat. “She swears she’s not showing yet, but I can see it.”

Rodimus squinted. Maybe she was a little bigger, but then he hadn’t really been around her much.

“So… you babysit mine I babysit yours?”

“Yeah, sure,” Rodimus agreed. He was getting the better deal. Two for one.

“But I won’t be taking care of Starscream. He’s your responsibility.”

Rodimus laughed again, much to Starscream’s annoyance. He got another little burst through their bond that was just as clear as Starscream yelling shut up . He sent his own, teasing flick back, much to the amusement of their sparklings.

“Remind me to give you my frequency after this,” Windblade said.

“You’re asking me to remember something?”

Thankfully, Windblade had a better memory than Rodimus, and now he and Starscream were up one free babysitter. Much to Starscream’s annoyance.

“There couldn’t be some other delegate kindling their conjunx?” Starscream complained as soon as they crossed the threshold into his condo.

“Can’t you just be happy that our kids will have a friend and we get a free babysitter?”

“No.” Starscream flicked his wings.

Rodimus rolled his optics. “Whatever.” He flopped down on the couch. “Get me a cube.”

“Demanding, aren’t you?”

“ Kindled ,” Rodimus said. “You’re just mad that you have to dote on me and not the other way around.”

Starscream huffed overdramatically, but got Rodimus his cube.

Rodimus was grateful to be past the morning sickness stage. It was far less annoying to be constantly burning through energon when he didn’t have to worry about purging what he drank. It also meant no more horrendous medicinal additives. Just a few nutritive ones.

And the copper flakes were tasty!

Starscream sat heavily beside Rodimus. He absentmindedly rubbed Rodimus’ spoiler while he enjoyed his own cube.

Rodimus sighed as he rubbed his baby bump. "I'm already huge ," he complained.

"Yep," Starscream agreed.

Pouting, Rodimus said, "You're not supposed to agree ."

Starscream shrugged. "It's a fact. And you're only going to get bigger . The two of them are fighting for space."

Rodimus sighed again. "I still don't know what to name the other one."

"'Starscream Jr.' has a nice ring to it."

Rodimus scoffed and rolled his optics. "Yeah, right." Then his mouth curled up into a mischievous smirk. "We could call him Hot Rod ."

"Absolutely not."

Rodimus laughed. "Yeah, you're right, that's a big name to live up to. Can't put that sort of pressure on a sparkling." He rubbed his belly while his sparklings happily orbited his spark. "I just want them to be happy. And not go through what we did."

"As long as you don't have a little Megatron you'll be fine."

"Yeah." Rodimus glanced at Starscream. Hopefully neither of them suffered for what their parents did.

Himself included.

"You need to play nice with Windblade," Rodimus said. "Her and Chromia's sparkling might be the only friend these two can have."

"They'll have each other."

"C'mon, Star…" Rodimus leaned against him and looked up at him with his optics wide and sparkling. "For me?"

Starscream sighed heavily. "That's not fair."

Rodimus snickered.

" Fine . But I will not be spending more time with her than necessary. No couples' dates or playdates where she hangs around."

Rodimus shrugged. "Fine by me. But I did say we would babysit for them every now and then, too."

" Joy ."

"Quit pretending to be annoyed. I already know you have a soft spot for sparklings. You'll never be the big, bad Decepticon Air Commander ever again, so you might as well drop the act."

Starscream sighed, ending on a smile. He turned his helm to capture Rodimus' lips in a kiss, who laughed quietly into his mouth.

"Latent maternal coding," Starscream said against his lips. "That's all." 

Normally Rodimus would have hated his and Starscream’s mundane routine, but not while kindled. He was huge and perpetually exhausted and was quite happy to nap most of the day while Starscream was at work. 

Today was more of the same.

Starscream got up first, fixed himself a cube and then brought one to Rodimus, who stayed in berth until his conjunx went to leave. He’d follow him to the door, give him a kiss and maybe a promise for some head that evening, and then promptly return to berth to sleep for another few hours.

Only an hour after Starscream left, this day proved it would be anything but mundane.

Rodimus was contemplating a nap when it happened. At first, it was an uncomfortable tug on his spark. Nothing new. Some days they were more restless than others. He lightly smacked his chest and told them to calm down.

And then came the pain.

Rodimus gasped. It felt like his spark was trying to rip itself out of his casing. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Rodimus hissed out as the first wave of pain subsided. It left him shaking and exhausted. He waited, hoping it was just a random hard tug from his sparklings, but another painful pull let him know that this wasn't just normal activity.

This was it.

Rodimus called Starscream. It went straight to voicemail. He called him again and again and again , but every time he was met with the same thing.

" You've reached High Chancellor Starscream of the Refulgent Cybertronian Dynasty, Emperor Perpetua and Defender of the Realm. I'm unable to answer any calls presently, but if you must you may leave a message and I may get back to you. "

"Starscream I swear to Primus you'd better pick up because—" Rodimus hissed as a fresh pain bloomed in his chest. Once he could speak again, he screamed, "The sparklings are coming!"

He waited a while. Surely he'd see his many missed calls and get back to him, but when he still didn't, he tried calling him again.

“Starscream, pick up your damn comm!” Rodimus shouted. He went straight to voicemail again .

"FUCK!" 

Rodimus clawed paint off of his chest as a new wave of pain turned his spark to fire. In his state, he called the only other person he thought could help him. After dragging himself to the long range console, ventilating heavily as condensation dripped from his frame, he waited for Drift to pick up.

"Hey, Roddy!" Drift's cheerful expression dropped the moment he saw him. "What's wrong?"

"Sparklings coming," Rodimus gasped out. "Starscream's not picking up. Didn't know who to call."

"How about your doctor ?" Ratchet said as he rushed into frame.

Right .

"Hey, Ratch, you available for delivery?" Rodimus joked.

"Rodimus. Call your doctor. This is too soon."

A new wave of pain left Rodimus momentarily speechless. The world blurred around him and became jumbled shapes and sounds of no meaning to him.

"Rodimus. Call your doctor." Ratchet looked far too calm while Drift was freaking out. "Right now."

"Okay, yeah. Doctor." Rodimus managed to fumble through his contacts with only one pause for a bearable tug on his spark. He told him what was happening and they were sending transport to him.

"We're gonna stay on the line until they get here, okay?" Ratchet said.

Rodimus threw a thumbs-up. 

"So… how's your kindling going Ratchet?" Rodimus asked with a little laugh in his voice.

"Rodimus, this isn't the time!" Drift said.

"No, no, it's fine," Ratchet said. He focused on Rodimus. "Better than yours, evidently."

Rodimus let out a puff of laughter.

"It's not fun when Wrench wakes me up in the middle of the night. Little bugger."

"'Wrench', huh?"

"That's not going to be his name!" Drift said. "It's just a placeholder. Ratchet won't agree to any of the names I've picked out, but also hates calling it 'the sparkling.'"

"That's because all the names you've chosen are rubbish."

Drift scoffed. "And somehow 'Wrench' is better?"

"It's not that bad."

Drift rolled his optics. "Anyways, I—"

Whatever Drift said was drowned out by the ringing in Rodimus' audials at the next pull. He didn't know how he was supposed to survive this. 

When the world came back into some semblance of clarity, he heard Ratchet say to Drift, "Four minutes. He should be fine."

Drift sighed with relief.

"How are you feeling, Rodimus?" Ratchet asked.

"Oh, just peachy ."

"I won't lie, this isn't going to be fun for you. Especially since you're having two."

"Oh, really?" Rodimus rolled his optics.

"But you're strong," Drift said. "You're going to have two healthy sparklings and you're gonna introduce us as soon as you can."

"Uh, duh. They've gotta meet their uncles." Rodimus panted, a hand over his burning spark.

"Try calling Starscream again," Ratchet suggested. 

Knowing it was probably fruitless, Rodimus did so.

" You've reached High Chancellor—"

"I'm going to fucking kill him ," Rodimus grated out.

"If I don't get to him first," Drift said.

"Don't you dare . He did this to me and I—ngh!" Rodimus gritted his denta until they threatened to buckle. His optics shorted out and there was a ringing in his audials until the pain passed.

"Roddy? Roddy are you okay?" Drift watched him with worried optics.

Ventilating heavily, Rodimus gave a weak thumbs-up. 

Even Ratchet looked concerned.

"Just keep ventilating," Ratchet said.

"'Kay." Rodimus didn't think he could do much else.

His spark burned with every tug of his sparklings and it felt like hours had passed before his transport showed up. He tried calling Starscream one last time, not surprised to get his voicemail, and left him one last message saying he was on his way to the hospital.

He was in this alone.

Chapter Text

“Congratulations, Starscream.” 

Starscream didn’t even bother with pleasantries as he raced past the doctor and into the room.  He paused in the doorway.  The fresh scent of sentio metallico hit his olfactory sensors and brought a hazy glow to the clinical room.  A halo of warmth and newness surrounded his conjunx.  His conjunx, and the two sparklings nestled in his arms, dozing peacefully.

His jaw dropped open with awe.  He swore Rodimus glowed .  His vents hitched as he was overcome with joy and bittersweet nostalgia as he remembered moments like this.  Moments he’d only ever experienced from Rodimus’ side.  He was moments from falling to his knees, humbled.  Despite their beginnings, their reasonings , for Rodimus to have chosen him… he knew he didn’t deserve it.  After everything he’d done, he didn’t deserve him or this life.  But he wasn’t going to squander this gift.

“Rodimus…”  Starscream sounded both awed and apologetic. 

“Can you take them?” Rodimus asked.  “I’m exhausted.”

Starscream scurried over and carefully picked up his sparklings.  Such tiny, fragile things.  Really, just circuit-covered blobs with the promise of more complex features.  And yet…

“They’re beautiful,” he whispered.  Turning his attention back to Rodimus, he said, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.  The ambassadors insisted we all have our comms off and that we weren’t to be disturbed and you weren’t due for another month and—”

“Starscream.”  Rodimus shook his helm.  “Too tired to be mad.  And besides… you’re here now.”  His optic covers drooped a little more with each blink.

Stooping down to press a kiss to Rodimus’ forehelm, he murmured, “Get some rest.  I’ll watch them.”

Rodimus yawned. "Okay. Love you…"

Starscream’s helm snapped up. He stared at Rodimus, already lightly snoring, trying to decide if he was happy that he fell asleep before he'd been able to respond.

If he'd respond.

Starscream focused, instead, on his sparklings. He loved them. Without question. 

Rodimus snored. Loudly . His mouth hung open and a bit of drool dripped from the corner. He was beautiful, but maybe not so much while he slept.

Starscream chuckled to himself.  Nearly every carrier in their colony slept on and off for a week after giving birth.  He’d usually done double that.  The fatigue was unlike any other. Given how dramatic Rodimus was, he expected no less than a near month-long recharge.

He watched him sleep for a few moments. But while his spark surged at the sight of his conjunx, the overwhelming emotion he felt when he looked down at the precious bundles in his arms was far more debilitating. 

He almost wished they’d wake up so he could see their optics.  Were they blue?  Red?  He almost hoped blue on both counts.  Not that any child of his wouldn’t be beautiful with red, but that could also mean…

Starscream shut his optics tight, then opened them to the sight of the bitlets.  Calm.  Peaceful.  His.  Theirs .  Who knew that the two of them could create something so beautiful?

He felt… at peace.  His spark ached at the wonderful feeling, but also at how long it had been since he’d felt even a modicum of peace.  To find that peace with Rodimus continued to be strange.  Then again, nothing had made sense since the fighting stopped.  Least of all the relationships formed.

Starscream lifted his helm, looking heavenward.

“I still don’t fully believe you’re real,” Starscream said quietly, “or that you would even pause to listen to me.  But, if you truly are there, Primus, thank you .”

Turning his attention back to what was definitely real, he smiled down at his sparklings.  Whether it was Primus’ doing or Rodimus’, he was truly blessed. 

Even amongst such blessings, a part of his spark mourned the sparklings that could have been. That should have been. Megatron’s, that he’d lost, and Chance’s… the ones Chance had promised him. 

But then, he wouldn’t be here. He wouldn’t be holding these wonderful miracles. Every single little choice he’d ever made in his life led him to this moment.

Starscream gazed upon Rodimus’ slumbering form. He smiled.

He wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Starscream called for a nurse the next time Rodimus woke, demanding he be seen to and properly fuelled. In Vos they never would have left a carrier without energon within reach. Especially when Rodimus was fuelling for three .

"I'm fine , Starscream," Rodimus said as crossly as his spent frame could manage. "They've been taking care of me."

"Not well enough," Starscream said. "I mean really only two pillows? If we were in Vos you'd have more pillows than you'd know what to do with and only the finest energon."

Rodimus rolled his optics. "If we were in Vos I wouldn't be with you."

Starscream dismissively flicked his wings. "These sparklings are half-seeker and deserve only the best ."

"I don't think that's how it works," Rodimus said with a little laugh.

"In any case, you're First Mech. You should be treated with the utmost care."

"And I am ," Rodimus said, exasperated. He thanked the nurse when they came back, handing him a large cube. They completely ignored Starscream as they left.

Probably wise.

“Have you named them yet?” Starscream asked. 

Rodimus nodded.  “Phoenix, like I've said, and Arisen.”

Starscream resisted the urge to roll his optics, however affectionately he would have meant it.  “Really, Rodimus? Arisen ?”

“ Listen .  I had Phoenix picked out literally since I first thought about the possibility of having a sparkling.  But now I have to think of two names ?  Cut me some slack.  All the good names are taken.  Plus, I wasn’t about to let you name them, like, I dunno, Nosecone or something.”

“Oh, I see .  You can’t trust me to name them, but you can name one after one of the original thirteen?  Why stop there?  Why not have a little Solus or Vector?”  Starscream’s tone was teasing, but it still stung.

Rodimus crossed his arms, pouting.  “He is a Prime.  Sort of.”

"I don't think that's how it works," Starscream teased.  He let loose a long sigh. “Well.  At least it’s on-brand for you.”

Rodimus smiled.  “ Exactly .”  He made grabby hands at one of them.  “Gimme Ari.”

“How can you even tell them apart yet?”

Rodimus nodded to the one on Starscream’s right.  “Phoenix is more oblong than Arisen.  Plus he’s fussier.  When he’s awake, anyways.” 

“Oh, so you’re saddling me with the problem child?”

Rodimus smirked.  “Hell yeah I am.  But Arisen was also less happy to be separated from me.  He’s already got a set of pipes on him.  So, that one’s clearly yours.”  He giggled, then added, “Seriously.  I’m pretty sure he blew out one of the nurse’s audials.”

Starscream leaned down to pass Arisen back to his carrier, and the movement woke him.  He opened Matrix-blue optics only to close them a moment later to let out a piercing screech.  He didn’t calm down until Rodimus stroked his back. 

“It’s alright, Ari.  You’re safe.”  Once he’d settled down and nuzzled against Rodimus’ chest, he looked up at Starscream and said, “See?”

“Let’s just hope he grows out of that soon.”  Starscream looked at Phoenix.  “Has he opened his optics yet?”

Rodimus nodded.  “Red.”  He smiled.  “Just like yours.”  He gave Arisen a kiss on top of what would eventually be his helm.  He beeped happily and touched his face to Rodimus’.

“You know that name is going to make some flashy headlines,” Starscream said.  “You’re basically dangling rust sticks in front of the paparazzi.”

“Yeah, well, that’s future Rodimus’ problem.”

“More like future Arisen’s problem.  And unfortunately, it’s about to be present Rodimus’ problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that there’s been reporters waiting outside of the hospital since word got out that you were in labour.  We have to make our public appearance, and soon.”

Rodimus slid down the berth and Arisen made a sound akin to an alarm.  The noise woke Phoenix, too.  He decided he didn’t want Arisen to be the only one making noise, so he let out a shrill, sustained tone.

“Shh, shh, Ari, it’s okay,” Rodimus said tiredly, stroking the almost fluid metal.

“Maybe we should rename him Audial Destroyermus Prime,” Starscream said over the noise, resisting the urge to hold Phoenix far away from his frame.  Instead, he chirped and clicked at Phoenix.  He stopped almost immediately and fixed him with a bright red stare.  

Then, he chirruped back.

Starscream’s spark fluttered in his chest.  He beamed even as Arisen still wailed.  He said a few things to him in his native tongue.  Simple things like “hello” and “it’s alright, you’re safe.”  He finished it off with “I love you.” 

Phoenix made a few more clicks and chirps, but it was gibberish. Not that Starscream expected him to actually be able to speak to him, yet, but…

Rodimus finally managed to calm Arisen down.

“Rodimus…”  Starscream almost couldn’t contain himself.  He was shivering with excitement and looking at his conjunx with adoration.  “Listen.” 

Starscream gazed down at Phoenix and told him his carrier’s name in Vosian.  Phoenix did the seeker equivalent of babbling, and those few clicks were the sweetest sound on all of Cybertron.

“He’s a seeker,” Starscream said, joy radiating out through his voice and field.  “You’ve given me a seeker.  Thank you .”

Rodimus turned an exaggerated pout to his now-sleeping son. “You’d better turn into a car.”

Starscream gave a snort of laughter.

Rodimus dragged his weary pedes, praying that their sparklings wouldn’t wake, but also kind of hoping that Arisen would blow out all their audials so he could go back to sleeping. As it was, he was leaning much of his weight onto Starscream. He would’ve given both of them to his conjunx if Arisen didn’t scream whenever he was separated from Rodimus.

“I’ll keep it short,” Starscream promised. “Then I can take you home and you can sleep for as long as you want.”

Rodimus nodded mutely.

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

“Translation: keep your mouth shut.”

“I didn’t say that.”

Rodimus rolled his optics. “Whatever. I don’t care. I’ll keep quiet.”

“That’s my good boy,” Starscream whispered, his voice dropping.

“Not fair. And not in front of the kids,” Rodimus said, shielding Arisen’s audials.

Starscream rolled his optics. “It’s not like they can understand us.”

“Yeah, well, I’m way too tired to interface anyways.”

“I expected as much, but I can’t even call you my good boy anymore?” Starscream slipped an arm around Rodimus’ waist. “What a shame.”

“You’re gonna make me horny,” Rodimus said.

Starscream stopped them just before the entrance, nuzzling against Rodimus’ cheek and giving him a quick kiss. “When we get home, whatever you need, I’ll take care of it. I mean that. Anything .”

“Well, keep that up and you’ll be spending a lot of time on your knees.”

Starscream chuckled. “Gladly.”

Stepping through the hospital entrance, Rodimus blinked rapidly from the bright sunlight. He’d thought the hospital lights were too bright, but he’d be happy to be back under the fluorescents. Thankfully, neither of their sparklings stirred from the light or the bustling reporters snapping pictures.

“Quiet, please,” Starscream said. “You won’t be too happy if you wake them up.”

A relative hush fell over the crowd. Only a few whispers and the sound of shutters filled the air.

“Thank you all for coming,” Starscream said. His usual crowd-voice kept at a much lower volume. “I’m going to keep this short, because we’ve been advised to keep their contact with other bots minimal.”

Rodimus didn’t remember anyone saying that, but he didn’t remember much from the last couple of days.

“What are their names?” a reporter called. To their credit, quietly.

“His name is Phoenix,” Starscream said, lifting him a little so the cameras got a better angle. “And he’s…” Starscream hesitated, looking down at Arisen in Rodimus’ arms. When he took too long, Rodimus spoke up.

“I named him Arisen,” Rodimus said. When semi-scandalized whispers started up in the crowd, he added, “Ari, for short.”

Starscream forced a laugh. “Well, you know what they say, ‘all the good names are taken.’ We figured possibly-fictional bots were the best to steal them from.”

That brought a few half-sparked chuckles from the crowd.

Rodimus sighed harshly. “Look, these are our sparklings and we’ll decide what they’re named, okay? If you don’t like it, have your own!”

Arisen woke and wailed, and everyone within audial range suffered.

Rodimus turned on his heel and marched right back inside, gently shushing Arisen as he went.

Right on his heels, Starscream hissed, “What was that ?”

Rodimus shrugged. “I’m too tired for all of this.”

Starscream sighed. “Fine. Let’s just get you home.”

Chapter Text

The sparklings were rather immobile for the first while. Only moving when they were carried.

Until Phoenix discovered he could roll . All bets were off, then. And as soon as they grew some semblance of limbs, they used them to pick up speed and roll around so fast that Rodimus wondered if they could outspeed him even in his alt mode. 

Of course, they were only horizontally mobile for the time being. Rodimus lost count of how many times he would hear panicked beeping and find them wedged under a piece of furniture. Though Arisen enjoyed hiding under the couch. So much so that Rodimus made him a little blanket nest and regularly checked on him there.

He was much quieter than Phoenix overall. At least in terms of the amount of times he made noise. Phoenix constantly beeped and trilled and chirruped until he got the attention of his parents, whether needed or just wanted. Arisen, on the other hand, preferred to nudge Rodimus’ leg whenever he was hungry or needed something. Unless he needed it right then , in which case he’d let out the loudest noise known to Cybertronian kind. 

Strangely, though, he so very rarely let Starscream hold him. It was only when Rodimus was close by or he’d already been asleep.

As they got older and their features started to take shape, it became all too clear why.

Rodimus held Arisen close to his chest. He kissed the top of his helm for the umpteenth time.  More accurately, his helmet .  A helmet that was squaring off in that all-too-familiar way.

He stared off over the city, grieving and fearful, looking over the planet that would judge and condemn a sparkling. A harmless, beautiful sparkling. As innocent as his brother, but cursed by Rodimus' mistake.

A different set of tiny hands slapped against his thigh.

"Up, up!" Phoenix demanded.

Rodimus looked from him to Starscream, just coming in. He gave him a knowing and slightly angry look.

"I can take Arisen," he said, holding his hands out.

Rodimus instinctively turned away slightly, hiding Arisen's sleeping form. "I just got him to settle down," he lied.

"Rodimus." Starscream reached around him. "He'll be fine."

"Uuuuuuup!" Phoenix shrieked.

"Give him here before Phoenix wakes him up." Starscream's optics said something else entirely. "Phoenix wants a turn." Stop ignoring our other son , he seemed to say without words.

Reluctantly, Rodimus carefully handed Arisen over. His spark lurched when his fingertips left warm and near-malleable plating, but Starscream held him steady. But not right. Never right. Would Starscream even protect him?

"Be careful with him," Rodimus said quietly.

"As if I wouldn't?" Starscream snapped.

Rodimus bit his glossa and hid his worry as he stooped down to pick up an ever-incessant Phoenix. He seemed appeased, snuggling right up to Rodimus. And Arisen stayed asleep, just as peaceful as he had been in Rodimus' arms.

The two of them stayed silent, just holding their sparklings. It wasn’t until Phoenix's quiet snores started up that Starscream spoke.

"I would never hurt Arisen," he said. "I can’t believe you think I would ."

"I don’t think—"

"Don’t lie. You're a terrible liar."

"But he’s..."

"I know. He’s not mine. That much is clear. But that doesn’t mean I won’t love him like my own. He’s still yours after all."

"But what will people—"

"For Primus' sake, Rodimus, there’s nothing we can do about that. People will think what they think. We just raise him the same way we raise Phoenix."

Rodimus carefully readjusted Phoenix to hold him in one arm.  He reached out to gently stroke Arisen’s face, slack with recharge.  “He’s going to have a hard life.  And it’s all my fault.”

“Rodimus…”  Starscream sighed.  “What’s done is done.”

“I know, but…”  He turned and rested his helm on Starscream’s shoulder.  “It’s not just that.  Starscream, everyone’s going to know.  They’re all going to think I cheated on you.”

Despite the mood, Starscream snorted a laugh.  “I think they’d all be impressed if you managed to have an affair with a mech who’s literally stranded in another universe.”

Rodimus managed a laugh of his own, though there was little joy behind it.  “Still.  Think of the headlines…”

“What’s done is done,” he repeated.  “We just need to keep up appearances.  Show everyone that we’re a happy family.”

“That’s easy.”  He turned his helm and caught Starscream’s optic.  “Because I love them and I love you.”

Starscream smiled at him, but said nothing. It still hurt to not hear his sentiment returned, but he didn’t want to pressure him. Given that they’d barely been “together” for a year and his past trauma with Megatron and Chance, he’d give him all the time he needed.

Surely he’d say it.

Eventually.

“I’m sorry, Starscream,” Rodimus said.

“What’re you apologizing for?”

“For… Starscream, come on, I know you don’t want to raise Megatron’s sparkling, we… I can… I can take them. I can leave. They’re still young enough that—”

“If you try and take them from me, so help me, I will fight denta and claw for them in court,” Starscream hissed, his optics glowing a bright, almost frenzied red. He took a few deep ventilations, clearly trying to calm himself down. Sighing, he said much more calmly, “Rodimus, I know raising Arisen won’t be easy for me, but I feel like I’ve been given a second chance.” He gently stroked Arisen’s back. “For the sparkling I lost.”

Rodimus swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. He closed the space between him and Starscream and touched their forehelms together.

“I won’t take them from you,” he promised. “But I need you to be the same sire to Arisen as you are to Phoenix.”

“Of course.”

“He’s going to look a lot like him,” Rodimus said. He gestured to his helmet. “Really, he’s Megatron’s spitting image.”

“I’m aware.”

“I just… I worry about you, Star. I worry he’s going to trigger you and—”

“I’ll be fine ,” Starscream snapped, jerking away. “Don’t you trust me to take care of him?”

“Of course I trust you, but—”

“But nothing . I can separate my feelings for Megatron from my own damn son .” Starscream had his hand cupping the back of Arisen's helm, his other arm holding him tight to his frame.

"Okay," Rodimus said quietly. He gently rested his helm atop Phoenix’s, ventilating in his scent. Sentio metallico filled his olfactory sensors. He didn’t know how much longer they’d still smell like that and he wanted to savour it.

“I love you, Star,” Rodimus whispered. 

Starscream leaned towards him, and Rodimus met him halfway. The sun sank below the horizon, the fading light reflecting off their small, imperfect family. Here in their home, it felt as though nothing could ever go wrong, but the tight, terrified hold Starscream had on Arisen said otherwise.

He wanted to take him back. He loved Starscream and he trusted him, but… not enough. Not with Arisen. But he let him hold him. Whether or not he had his CNA, Arisen was Starscream’s son, too.

“Carry, Carry!” Phoenix came running in, jumping into Rodimus’ arms.

“Did you have a good day with Skyburn and Windblade?”

Phoenix nodded emphatically. “Yeah! I’m a ‘she’!”

“So, that’s a new development,” Windblade said. 

“Oh, yeah? You wanna be called ‘she’ now?”

“Yeah!”

"Sounds good to me. Why don't you go tell your sire?"

"Okay!" 

The moment Rodimus set Phoenix on the ground, her little pedes had her across the living room and down the hall faster than she could have flown there. He was both excited for and dreaded the day she had her first transformation, once those little red winglets grew large enough.

"Before you ask, I didn't give her any sweetener," Windblade said. 

Rodimus sighed. "Well, at least she's tiring herself out before berth. They weren't any trouble?"

Arisen trailed in with Chromia and Skyburn, moving at a much more reasonable speed.

"Hey, Champ," Rodimus said. "Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah." Arisen didn't look at him.

Windblade gave Rodimus a strained smile while Arisen made his way to his room without another word. 

Rodimus narrowed his optics.

"I'll meet you downstairs," Windblade said to Chromia. She nodded knowingly, taking Skyburn’s hand and heading back out.

"What is it?" Rodimus said, crossing his arms.

"I'd just like to have a quick word with you about Arisen."

"What about him?"

"We love having him over, and Skyburn loves to see him, too, but he's… he's much bigger than she is, and he plays a little too roughly sometimes. I—"

"Oh, so, just Arisen? Not Phoenix? She's fine?"

"Rodimus, it's not like that. Arisen just doesn't know his strength yet and—"

Rodimus scoffed. "Right. Look, just because he looks like," he dropped his voice to whisper, "Megatron," then back to his regular speaking volume to finish, "doesn't mean he's going to hurt your kid!"

"I know that, but he pulled on Skyburn's arm a little too hard while they were playing. I just want you to talk to him and explain that he needs to be more gentle with the smaller sparklings."

"So you want me to punish him?"

"That's not what I said!" Windblade sighed. "Rodimus, I understand you're very protective of Arisen and I know I'd be the same way in your place, but he hurt her. Not badly, and I know he didn't mean to, but if you don't explain to him that he needs to be more gentle, he might really hurt her the next time. I'd be saying the same thing if it was Phoenix doing it."

"Right. I hear that all the time, but it's only ever Arisen who gets punished."

“I didn’t even fight in the war! Why would I care about him looking like—”

“Because everyone does!” Rodimus hissed.

Windblade sighed more harshly. "Rodimus, I'm just—"

"What's going on?" Starscream asked, walking in from the hallway.

"Maybe you'll listen to me," Windblade said.

"There's nothing to listen to!"

"What is it?" Starscream crossed his arms.

"It's nothing ," Rodimus insisted.

Starscream ignored him, looking at Windblade expectantly.

"I was just telling Rodimus that Arisen plays a little too roughly. All I want is for you to explain to him that he needs to be more gentle. He's much bigger than Skyburn and he pulled a little too hard on her arm while they were playing."

Starscream nodded. "I'll talk to him. Is that all?"

Looking relieved, Windblade said, "Yes, that's it. Other than that, it was a pleasure as always."

Starscream nodded again.

"I'll see you in a couple of days?"

"Yeah, sure," Rodimus said dismissively. " Bye ."

Not caring to hear any more from her, Rodimus turned on his heel and headed for Arisen's room before Starscream could get there. But Starscream zipped ahead with his thrusters, staring Rodimus down.

"There's nothing wrong with him!" Rodimus hissed.

"Obviously. That's not what Windblade was saying."

"You're taking her side? "

"Unfortunately. Because you're being irrational."

"So you agree with her? You think Arisen is more violent?"

"I think he's young and a much bigger bot than Phoenix or Skyburn, and as much as I dislike Windblade, her daughter is friends with my son and he's already got enough unfounded enemies."

"What, like you? "

Starscream's wings hiked up. "I love Arisen! You know I'm trying!"

Guilt lit in Rodimus' tank. He sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I just…" Rodimus looked at his hands, curling up and shaking with frustration.

Starscream cupped Rodimus' cheek. "I know."

Rodimus sighed again.

"Cheer up, hot shot." Starscream scratched under Rodimus' chin. "I'll talk to him."

“Make sure he knows it’s not his fault.”

Starscream gave him the look . The look he often gave him when they discussed Arisen.

“What?”

“You’re the one who keeps bringing up Megatron,” Starscream said.

“Keep your voice down!” Rodimus hissed. “He might hear.”

Starscream sighed. “Rodimus, we agreed to wait to tell him, but if you keep bringing him up he might ask, and then what? We lie? Phoenix may spend more time on his tablet—”

“Her,” Rodimus interrupted. “Apparently we’ve got a ‘she.’”

Starscream let out a small growl. “Of course Windblade had to rub off on her.”

“Hey. She would’ve figured it out eventually.”

After a subtle optic roll, Starscream said, “ Anyways , Arisen still knows how to do an internet search. So maybe you can stop mentioning that bastard’s name so you can tell him in your own time. When he’s older .”

“I will if you stop flinching when you see him.”

The flare of anger through their bond burned Rodimus. And he didn’t burn.

“I’m. Trying ,” Starscream said through grit denta. “Now, let me go make sure Arisen doesn’t hurt the only friend he has.”

Turning on his heel, Starscream smacked Rodimus with his wing. 

“Hey!” he shout-whispered, even though he knew he kind of deserved it.

Starscream didn’t say a word until he was in Arisen’s room, gently explaining that he needed to be more careful with Skyburn. Rodimus followed slowly, standing in the doorway watching Arisen nod solemnly.

He couldn’t imagine Arisen ever hurting anyone.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her,” Arisen said.

“We know, sweetspark,” Rodimus said, kneeling down beside Starscream. He used Arisen’s presence so he could put a hand on Starscream’s wing mount without him smacking him away. He sent an apology through their bond. “But sometimes you can hurt someone without meaning to. With your words, as well.”

“I know that,” Arisen said.

“Just don’t go about yanking other kids’ arms out of their sockets,” Starscream said. "Seekers have especially delicate components."

“Okay.”

Starscream gave him a quick kiss on his forehelm. Rodimus smiled at them.

Back in their room, Starscream said snippily, “Was that good enough for you?”

“Sorry,” Rodimus apologized. He gave Starscream a kiss on his cheek, which he accepted. 

“Damn right you are.” Starscream flicked his wings haughtily. 

“You’re a good sire, Star.” Rodimus took hold of one of his hands and he didn’t pull away. “I just want him to have a normal childhood.”

“Then you have to treat him normally ,” Starscream said.

Rodimus frowned.

“Don’t give me that. You’ve been a helicopter carrier ever since Arisen learned how to walk. I may have my… issues … but they’re getting old enough to understand that you’re treating them differently.”

“I am not .” Rodimus tried to pull away, but Starscream held him firm.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this, Rodimus.” Starscream nodded towards the berth. “Sit with me.”

Feeling like he had little option, he followed Starscream.

“Phoenix is going to start to notice that you give Arisen far more attention,” Starscream said. “Nope. You’re listening ,” he said when Rodimus opened his mouth. “You’re always checking in on Arisen, taking him out with you and leaving me to take Phoenix to work, and whenever we’re all sitting on the couch, he’s in your lap.”

“Uh, and Phoenix is always in yours ?”

“By default . Have you not noticed how she’s been acting up to get your attention? No, of course you haven’t, because you’re so focused on Arisen that you haven’t noticed she’s broken three lamps in the last month. I came home to one still shattered on the floor, with Phoenix playing nearby, while you were out in the living room with Arisen. She could have hurt herself and you didn’t even know where she was .”

“Arisen takes a lot of work,” Rodimus argued weakly.

“He’s a sparkling. They all take a lot of work. But Phoenix will take a lot more work if she thinks her carrier doesn’t care about her.”

“I do care about her.”

“Then show her that . If you want to spend a day with just Arisen, fine, but you need to make sure you spend one with Phoenix , too.” Starscream sighed. He took both of Rodimus’ hands in his when he tried to cross his arms. “I know you’re protective of him. I understand why, but I’m trying to be the best sire I can for him, but you’re not being the best carrier you can be for Phoenix. I love him like my own, but I don’t feel like you treat Phoenix like your own when she is your own.”

Rodimus scoffed. “I’m starting to wonder if she is . She’s you through and through.”

“And don’t you love me?” Starscream said, a smirk curling his lip.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Do you ?”

Starscream’s smirk fell away.

“Of course you don’t.” Rodimus tried to stand, but Starscream pulled him in for a crushing embrace.

“I do,” Starscream whispered. 

“You have a shitty way of showing it.”

“And you have a shitty way of changing the subject, so shut up and listen to me.”

Rodimus shut his optics as he nuzzled into Starscream’s neck and vented in his familiar scent. His spark swelled like it always did, but he needed more, and this was starting to feel awfully familiar. Instead of being in love behind closed doors and alone in public, he was in love in public and someone to sleep with and sleep with in private. 

And he couldn’t decide which was worse.

“If I say it, I’ll lose you,” Starscream whispered. “The world has decided twice that I shouldn’t be happy, and bad things come in threes.”

“Then we won’t have a third sparkling,” Rodimus said.

Starscream let out a puff of laughter. “I… I love you, Rodimus.” His arms tightened, his hands sliding along his plating until they found gaps in his armour to cling to. “And I can’t lose you.”

“Where the hell am I gonna go? I’ve got two ankle-biters and one of them is just you, but more red.”

Starscream laughed into Rodimus’ neck, finishing with a kiss. “Is that why you like Arisen better?”

Rodimus let out a growling sigh. “I’m sorry , okay? Phoenix likes you better, anyways.”

“Maybe that’s because you never spend any time with her.”

“Or maybe your hatred of grounders rubbed off on her.”

“Would someone who hates grounders do this ?”

Rodimus suddenly found himself flat on his back with Starscream straddling his hips. He wore his signature smirk—the smirk Rodimus loved —stroking up the chest of the mech he’d finally proclaimed to love.

“The kids aren’t asleep.”

Starscream shrugged. “Then you’ll have to keep quiet.”

Rodimus bit his lip when he felt Starscream’s panels slide away and his warm, wet valve leaked all over his pelvic plating. He stifled a groan and dismissed a prompt to retract his own panels.

“Star, c’mon, do you really want to scar our kids for life?”

“I locked the door.”

“They’re still young, we can’t just—”

“Rodimus, we haven’t fucked in months and I just told you I loved you. I need your spike inside of me. Now .”

“Aw, do you wanna make love to me?”

“If it means you get inside of me then sure .” 

The moment Rodimus released his spike, Starscream started grinding against him and Rodimus didn’t know how the hell he was supposed to stay quiet. After so many months—and, oh, why had he let that happen—he didn’t know if he could keep it in. He was thankful that Starscream kissed him as he sank down on his spike so he could moan into his mouth.

Starscream shivered, his hips rocking hypnotically. Rodimus couldn't take his optics off of them. Not until Starscream stroked his cheek, that is; a soft, uncharacteristic move from him in berth.

Contrary to his touches, Starscream's words were firm. “This doesn't happen again.”

“Primus, it won't,” Rodimus gasped out quietly. “I don't know why I let it get like this in the first place.”

“This, and Phoenix.” Starscream stopped moving. “Promise me you'll do better.”

“Aw, c'mon, Star—”

“Promise.”

“Ugh, fine, I promise already! Now get to—”

Rodimus let out the beginning of a moan before biting his knuckle. He watched Starscream bounce on his spike through half-lidded optics, his warm, wet valve snug on his spike.

“If you're going to bite something,” Starscream spoke between deep ventilations, “bite me.”

The moment Starscream’s neck was in range of his mouth, he bit down. Hard. He felt Starscream's groan more than he heard it. Deep growls followed, punctuated by every slam of his hips.

“Fuck, Star!” Rodimus thrust up to meet him.

“Keep it down,” Starscream hissed.

Rodimus bit his lip until his conjunx got close enough to bite again. The deeper he got his fangs, the louder Starscream got, until he bit back. He clawed at Starscream's back and helm.

“Fuck me harder,” Starscream demanded.

“It's already hard enough to keep quiet,” Rodimus said, his words ending on a moan.

“Can't handle my valve?” Starscream taunted.

“I can—nhh!—I can handle it just fine!”

Starscream took him to the hilt, grinding his node against his pelvic plating. Rodimus gripped his hips, but couldn't bring himself to stop the movement. Primus, but he really couldn't handle his valve. Not that he was going to let Starscream know that.

“C'mon baby,” Starscream purred, “fuck me harder.” He gazed down at Rodimus with half-lidded, dim optics. Fuck he was pretty.

Stupid, sexy seeker.

Rodimus pulled him down and flipped them. Starscream flaunted himself, drawing attention to his all-too-tempting wings. He gave him the treatment he'd asked for, kissing and stroking his wings, feeling Starscream arch up to meet his touches.

“You're so beautiful, Star,” Rodimus whispered.

“Normally your sappy compliments are endearing, but right now I want you to fuck me. Don't make me say it again.”

“Fine. You're a naughty little slut.”

“That's more like it, hot shot.” Starscream's voice was deep with a growling undertone. “Fuck my slutty little valve.”

Rodimus burrowed into the crook of Starscream's neck and gave him everything he had. He was glad to feel Starscream's calipers cycle down as his overload fast approached, because his own wasn't far behind.

“Gonna come already?” Rodimus teased.

“Like I would come before you.”

Grabbing him behind the knees, Rodimus folded Starscream in half. “Oh I know you will.”

Through laboured ventilations, Starscream said, “Try me.”

Every thrust had Rodimus’ spike snug against Starscream's ceiling nodes. He panted, leaving sloppy kisses against his neck.

“What if I want you to come?” Rodimus said with a smile.

“Mm…” Starscream pushed him away slightly, but drew him back in with a caress to his cheek. “Maybe I could do that for you.”

“If you love me, you will,” Rodimus teased, still panting heavily.

Starscream pulled him back down into a fervent kiss, lifting his hips to meet Rodimus’ every movement. It wasn’t long until his lips lost coherency and he moaned into Rodimus’ mouth as charge snapped between their frames. He arched off the berth as overload, holding Rodimus close. He followed him shortly after, moaning into Starscream’s mouth.

They kissed each other softly for a while longer, enjoying the afterglow. Eventually, Rodimus rolled off of Starscream, but pulled him in for some cuddles.

“I love you,” Rodimus whispered, nuzzling against Starscream.

Letting loose an affectionate sigh, Starscream whispered back, “I love you, too. Why do I feel like you’re going to make me say that a lot more?”

Rodimus shrugged and shifted even closer. It should’ve been a peaceful moment, but peace was more of a luxury now than it had been during the war.

Someone pounded on their locked door.

“Daaaaaaaad, I’m bored!” Phoenix yelled.

Rodimus groaned.

“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!”

“Maybe you should get her,” Starscream said with a slag-eating grin.

Rodimus frowned, but conceded. “Give us a minute, sweetspark!” he yelled back.

“We’re not supposed to yell!” Phoenix shouted. 

Rodimus rolled his optics. “We’ll be right out.”

Rodimus gave them both a quick clean, and when he opened the door he found Phoenix behind it, pouting.

“I wanna play,” she said.

“Okay, okay,” Rodimus said, picking her up. “What would you like to do?”

Phoenix sniffed audibly, her face scrunching. “You smell bad.”

Starscream snickered.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say,” Rodimus said.

“It’s the truth! You told me not to lie!”

Starscream laughed harder.

“Sometimes it’s polite to withhold certain truths. Especially if no one asked.”

“Okay. Can you put me down?”

Rodimus glanced at Starscream, who was clearly stifling even more laughter. After getting semi-composed, he suggested, “I can take you flying.”

Phoenix cheered, reaching for her sire. Rodimus handed her off and Starscream wasted no time in lifting her up and “flying” her around the living room. Though Rodimus was a little miffed at the subtle jab from his child, he was happy to watch this moment. Mostly because he knew it would get so much worse when she could actually fly.

When they came in for a “landing,” Starscream kept her in his arms, smiling fondly. At least, he was, until Phoenix scrunched up her face in the same way.

“You smell bad, too.”

Chapter Text

Phoenix fussed. Especially when Rodimus got to her wings.

“Stay still,” Rodimus gently chastised.

“It tickles!”

“And it will until we're done. We're already late as it is.”

“That's not my fault!”

“Says the one who decided that jumping in a rusty puddle of water twenty minutes before you knew we needed to leave,” Rodimus said, annoyance in his tone.

Phoenix pouted and flicked her wings, making it even harder to wax them. Rodimus grumbled to himself.

“I can do it,” Starscream said, exasperated.

“I can do it just fine!” Rodimus snapped.

“Starscream does it better,” Phoenix said.

“Stop complaining,” Rodimus said. “I'm almost done.”

“Do we have to go?” Arisen decided to toss in his own complaint. A complaint both parents had already heard multiple times, and that Phoenix also echoed.

“Yes,” Starscream and Rodimus said in sync.

Phoenix groaned.

“There. Done.” Rodimus grabbed her hand and made for the door before Starscream could point out the spots he'd missed. If anyone commented, he'd just tell them she was learning to polish herself. Can't be mean to a sparkling!

They arrived well after what could be considered “fashionably” late, but Starscream charmed the crowd, flaunting his little princess, who soaked up the attention just as much as her sire did. 

Arisen clung to Rodimus, and Rodimus did his best to keep the attention off of him, but where Arisen went, attention followed. For an event about moving beyond functionism, bots seemed quite interested in what his son transformed into.

“We can't be sure yet,” Rodimus said for what felt like the millionth time. And for the millionth time, he excused himself, taking Arisen's hand and searching for any child beyond his sister for him to play with. Starscream had insisted that there would be other kids. Evidently, none of the other bots got that memo.

Rodimus had to stifle his relieved sigh when Arisen excitedly tugged on his arm, pointing into the crowd. He spotted the tips of Windblade’s wings before he saw Cloudburst’s sky-coloured plating.

“Well, it’s been cool, but Arisen’s friend is here,” Rodimus said. He picked up his son and left whoever he’d been talking to to someone equally boring.

“Cloudburst!” Arisen called happily, teetering precariously in Rodimus’ arms. He ended up half-falling half-being-set-down and excitedly hugged Cloudburst. 

Rodimus smiled at them, happy for him to know someone who knew next to nothing about his sire. It helped that her parents didn’t really know him, either. But he was also happy to get a chance to sneak away and get a drink to make everyone here more palatable. That, and a modicum of peace. As much as he could get at a party.

“Rodimus! I'm so happy to see you.”

A chill ran up Rodimus’ spinal strut and he felt sick to his tank. He didn't want to acknowledge him, but with his audience, what choice did he have?

“Oh. Hi, Encode.” Rodimus swallowed back his nausea and wondered if this sleazeball had been waiting for the moment he was alone. He subtly looked around for Starscream or one of his kids, but all he saw were strangers.

“I'm so happy to see that carrying hasn't permanently altered your shape.”

Rodimus almost gagged. He wished he was still carrying so he would have an excuse to purge all over him when he bowed slightly and lifted his hand to press a kiss to the back of it. 

“I assume you've had no trouble transforming?” he asked with a smile.

“Nope,” Rodimus said flatly, snatching his hand back. “Totally healthy.”

“That's great to hear… especially after having twins and a tank , no less.” His optics dragged down and then back up his frame. Violating him with sight alone. “Tell me, though… How do a jet and a supercar make a tank?”

Rodimus swallowed. Couldn't he just stick to objectifying him?

“He hasn't transformed yet,” Rodimus deflected. “We don't know what his alt mode is yet.”

“Let's not play this game,” Encode said, suddenly sounding much more sinister. “We both know exactly who Arisen looks like. A mech you've had plenty of time to become close with. Why him is what I'd like to know.”

“Arisen is Starscream’s,” Rodimus said, his voice hard. “Recessive genes exist.”

“Ah, yes. The most logical reasoning.”

Rodimus glared at him. “Get bent, Encode. Leave me and especially my family alone.”

“No need to be like that, Rodimus. I'm simply curious.”

“Bullshit. I don't know what your angle is, but if you're trying to break up my family, one: it won't work, and two: it won't make me like your crusty old aft any more than I already do. Which is not at all.” With that, Rodimus was ready to find the farthest spot in the room from Encode, but Arisen had horrible timing.

“Carry! Carry! They have the fizzy energon! Can I have some? Please?” Arisen's optics were huge as he pleaded with him.

“Yes, but let's—”

“Aren't you going to introduce me?” Encode asked, all fake sweetness.

Arisen hid behind Rodimus, clinging to his thigh plating. “Who's he?”

“A friend of your carrier's,” Encode said before Rodimus could say anything. “My name is Encode. And you must be Arisen. I've heard a lot about you.”

Rodimus could tell Arisen was uncomfortable. He was rather shy around all new mechs, but his field felt thicker than usual.

“You seem tired, Arisen,” Rodimus said. “Do you want to go home?”

Arisen nodded.

“Well, it's been nice, Encode,” Rodimus said through gritted denta. “But my kids are up past their berth time and—”