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“Why the sad smile, ma petite?”
“Maman… do you think I’m a bad person?”
Sabine stilled in the middle of pouring water into her teapot. After a moment of stunned silence, she set aside her teapot entirely and turned to her face her daughter. “Marinette, where did that come from? Of course you’re not a bad person!”
“I feel like it,” Marinette whispered, covering her face.
“Why? Did something happen at school?”
Marinette shook her head, still not looking at her maman. She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and finally looked up into Sabine’s face. Sabine sat beside her, wrapping an arm around Marinette’s shoulders. Marinette sat stiffly for only a few seconds before melting into her maman’s embrace, resting her head against Sabine’s chest. Just like when she was a little kid, her maman made her feel safe.
“I think… I think I have feelings for two different boys,” Marinette said at last.
“Why would you think that makes you a bad person?”
“Because! I should be able to choose just one of them! How can I be so… so fickle?! Obviously I don’t truly care about either one of them if I – Maman?” Marinette broke off, eyes widening. “Maman, are you laughing?!” She pulled away from her maman, frowning indignantly.
“Oh, ma chérie, I’m sorry,” Sabine said, still chuckling. “You just sound so much like me when I was your age. It took me back.”
“You had this problem too?” Marinette said, shocked.
Sabine looked at her daughter very seriously. “I’m going to tell you what my mother told me, Marinette,” she said seriously. “Her advice has served me well over the years, so I hope you take it to heart.”
“Okay,” Marinette said, sitting up and watching her maman closely.
“You will never have a relationship where you fall in love and everything is magic and roses.”
Marinette blinked a couple of times. “… What?”
“A relationship is work. A lot of work. It requires energy, effort and dedication. Love isn’t always enough, Marinette. A lot of time, it’s not enough. You have to want it to work. You have to be willing to make the compromises and sacrifices to make it work. And above all, you have to wake up every morning and choose your partner. Because the day you stop choosing them, that’s the day your relationship is over no matter how much you might still love them.”
It took Marinette a few moments to work through that. Sabine waited patiently, knowing that she had just unloaded a lot on her daughter. She stroked Marinette’s hair and gave her the space to think. This was a lesson she really wanted to make sure that Marinette understood. She wanted Marinette to be happy, and letting her daughter go into a relationship thinking that love was enough would be cruel.
“Take your papa and me,” Sabine said at last. “I love your papa very much. But there have been times when things were difficult with the bakery and we were stressed, or when we were just plain fighting. Times when I noticed a handsome man’s smile, or your papa noticed a pretty woman’s eyes. It happens.”
“Maman,” Marinette said, eyes wide.
“It happens,” Sabine said again. “We all want to give and receive love. It’s what we’re designed for. Having feelings for two boys does not make you a bad person, Marinette.” She brushed a strand of hair away from Marinette’s wet eyes. “It makes you human.”
“You’ve never… Papa didn’t…”
“I’ve never had an affair. Neither has your papa. But I’ve had plenty of crushes in my life, and I’m sure he has too. We’ve both chosen each other over and over again,” Sabine said. “I won’t lie and tell you that there weren’t times I’ve been tempted. But I’ve made my choice, and I keep making it every day.”
Marinette stared at her maman, a little bit awed and a little bit shocked. She’d always thought her parents were so madly in love, like a fairy tale. It sounded silly now, but she’d never actually stopped to think about how much work her parents might be putting into their relationship.
“And in your case, you’re not even in a relationship with either of these two boys. Unless there’s something you want to tell me?” Sabine smiled slyly, and Marinette turned pink and shook her head quickly.
“N-no! I’m not – Adrien doesn’t even notice me,” she confessed to her lap, clenching her hands into fists. “He just thinks of me as a friend. He might even like someone else, based on what Nino said a few days ago. Frankly, I don’t know how Adrien could ever see me as anything else when I can’t even get a straight sentence out around him.”
Sabine grinned at that. “Your stuttering is adorable,” she teased.
“Maman!”
“What about this other boy?”
Marinette blushed deeper. “He’s… I thought he was a friend. Just a friend. He says he’s in love with me, and I always thought he was just joking, but… now I’m not so sure.”
“What do you think of him?” Sabine asked, watching her carefully.
“He’s a good friend. My best friend,” Marinette said, not noticing Sabine’s surprise at that statement. “He’s such a dork. He makes the most awful puns. He could really give Papa a run for his money.” She smiled softly. “And sometimes… he’s rash. He doesn’t take things seriously enough. It’s like the whole world is a big game to him, and that frustrates me.
“But… he’s also really sweet. He always knows what to say when I’m struggling. He can make me smile even when I’m feeling like I can’t go on. I can tell him anything, and I know he’d just smile at me and kiss my hand.” She rubbed the back of her hand absently. “I trust him with my life. He… he’s the reason that I keep fighting.”
“My gracious, Marinette, who is he? Why haven’t you brought him around to meet Papa and me?”
Like she’d been doused with cold water, Marinette suddenly remembered who she was speaking to and paled. “U-um… he’s a friend I met on the internet,” she said quickly, cursing herself. How could she have gotten so caught up in talking about Chat Noir that she forgot she was talking to her maman?
“Really,” Sabine said slowly. “Well, from the sound of it he’s definitely more than just a friend to you.”
“I don’t know if he is!” Marinette said shrilly. “There’s still – Adrien still makes my heart race. I still dream about our wedding and our three kids and a hamster and –”
Laughing, Sabine held up a hand. “I get it, I get it. But let me ask you something. What does Adrien want for his future?”
Marinette opened her mouth, then closed it as she realized she had no answer for that. Finally, she said, “I… I don’t know. I guess he’ll continue to model?” Yet, even as she spoke, she knew that was just a guess on her part. Adrien could want to travel the world. Marinette couldn’t do that; as Ladybug, she was confined to Paris. He could want five kids, or no kids at all. He could hate hamsters!
“I see. Marinette, it doesn’t sound like you really know Adrien. I know you have things you like about him, but if you truly want to be with him then you need to get to know him better. Spend time with him. Learn about him. Figure out if you’re compatible and if you want the same things, even in the short-term.”
“I’m sure we are,” Marinette said.
“Maybe you are,” Sabine said, nodding. “But ma petite, I don’t want you to waste your teenage years pining after one boy. I want you to be happy.” She stroked Marinette’s hair again.
“So you think I should go with – with my internet friend. A sure thing,” Marinette said, only just stopping herself from saying Chat’s name.
“Nothing is ever a sure thing,” Sabine said dryly. “And that’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m not even saying you have to choose. You can wonder, and analyze, your feelings for as long as you like without ever saying a word to either one of them.”
“Then what are you saying?!”
“I’m saying that you’re not a bad person, and that having feelings for two different boys is natural. I’m saying that if you decide to choose one boy, make sure you know them both well enough to know why you’re choosing them. And to make sure that boy is willing to choose you too. I would have to have your father akumatized again because a boy broke your heart.”
Marinette smiled thinly. Poor Chat. “Yeah, I don’t want that to happen again,” she agreed. “But Maman… how am I supposed to choose? I thought I wanted Adrien. It’s only recently I’ve starting thinking about my internet friend this way. My heart is so confused.” She sighed and leaned against her maman again.
“Well,” Sabine said thoughtfully, “when I was a girl, and I had this problem, I made a list of the pros and cons for each boy. And then I took that list and tore it up and went with who I wanted to kiss the most.”
Marinette giggled. “Oh, Maman!”
Sabine chuckled along with her. “I can’t tell you who to choose. I wish I could. You just have to ask yourself what you want, and then figure out who best fulfills that.”
“What I want?” Marinette repeated.
“Yup. And I don’t mean, who do you want to have three kids and a hamster with.” Sabine tickled her. Marinette giggled again and swatted her maman’s hands away.
“Don’t, Maman! Stop!” she squealed.
Sabine relented. “Ask yourself what kind of qualities you want in a partner. Do you want someone serious? Someone wealthy? Someone who can make you laugh? Someone who shares your passion? Someone who is similar to you? Someone opposite? Ask yourself whether you’re willing to devote time to learning to get to know Adrien better, even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to. Ask yourself how upset you would be if your internet friend started dating someone else. Ask yourself who could make you happier.”
Marinette was quiet for a long time. Finally, she said quietly, “Adrien makes my heart race. My internet friend has never done that.”
“Sexual attraction can be a powerful motivator,” Sabine said, which made her daughter squeak in embarrassment. “But it’s definitely not everything, and a lot of people have gotten themselves in trouble because they thought it was. It’s also not always immediately apparent. Have you ever kissed your internet friend?”
“N-no,” Marinette said, her face on fire.
“You may feel differently if you do,” Sabine said. “And on that note, I hope you’re still taking your birth control pills.”
“Y-yes, Maman, I am.”
“Good girl.” Sabine smiled and kissed the top of Marinette’s head. “You’ll be fine, Marinette. Whether you decide to date one of them or don’t date either of them, you’ll be fine.”
Marinette smiled too, her heart feeling lighter now. “Thank you, Maman. Do you mind if I go upstairs for a while? I have some thinking to do.”
“Go ahead, ma chérie. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Marinette headed upstairs, her mind whirling. She closed the trap door behind her and looked around her bedroom. Her walls were covered with pictures of Adrien. His schedule hung down over her bed. His face, surrounded by hearts, stared at her from her computer screen.
“You look very thoughtful, Marinette,” Tikki said.
“Did you hear what Maman and I talked about?” Marinette asked.
“Yes.”
“I never let myself think about even liking Chat. I always thought I had to be completely devoted to Adrien.” Marinette moved over and took one of the pictures down, tracing the familiar line of Adrien’s smile. It was his model smile, she noticed. The kind of smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“Adrien might grow to like you back someday,” Tikki pointed out.
“Yeah, I know. Or he might not. I really love Adrien. He’s the kindest person I’ve ever met.” She clutched the picture to her chest. “But then there’s Chat. He’s my partner, and I think he really loves me. Is it crazy to keeping pining after someone who barely thinks of me as a friend, much less as something more, if there’s another guy that already likes me and who I might like back?”
“You’re the only person who can answer that. But…” Tikki flew across the room to hover in front of Marinette’s face. “What would you say to Alya if she said that to you? If Nino was Adrien?”
“I would say…” Marinette paused, then gave her head a little disbelieving shake. “I would tell her that she should give Chat a chance, and not waste her time pining away for some guy who barely knows she’s alive.”
Tikki smiled at her. “Maybe that’s your answer.”
Marinette bit her lip and looked down at the picture again. It was wrinkled now, but that didn’t take away from Adrien’s beauty at all. The thought of… well, not letting go of him, because some part of her would always love Adrien Agreste, but of giving up on ever being with him was hard to swallow. She’d held that fantasy close to her heart for the better part of two years now.
She thought about what her maman had said, about really getting to know Adrien. It wasn’t like Marinette was opposed to that, but she didn’t know if it would happen. Adrien was so busy. There were some weeks he barely had time for school and Nino, never mind anyone else. He definitely wouldn’t have time for someone like Marinette. And then there was what Nino had said, about Adrien liking someone else…
“I just don’t know,” Marinette mumbled. “It’s so hard to choose!”
“You don’t have to choose at all. No one is forcing you,” Tikki pointed out.
“Yeah, I know. But… I’m tired of feeling like this all the time. I want to choose. I just don’t know how. If I give up on Chat, I’m scared of losing him. If he fell in love with someone else and things never worked out with Adrien, I would be crushed.” Marinette swallowed hard. “The thought of Adrien dating someone else hurts too, but he doesn’t know I have a crush on him. I could confess to him, but I really don’t think that getting my heart officially broken is going to help. The chances of him returning my feelings is like… 0.00001% right now.”
Tikki nodded, accepting that answer, and said, “Would you be upset if you were with Adrien and Chat started dating someone else?”
“I – no?” Marinette said uncertainly. When Tikki gave her a look and crossed her arms, Marinette’s shoulders slumped and she sighed. “Okay, yes, probably. I want them both. Why can’t I have both?”
“I’m not sure that’s how it works,” Tikki said with a giggle.
“Ugh, I wish it was!” Marinette flopped down onto her chaise, holding the picture of Adrien in the air over her face. If only Adrien were Chat Noir… that would solve all of her problems.
But no. It wasn’t fair to think that way. Chat was Chat and Adrien was Adrien.
She closed her eyes and let the picture fall, then threw her arms open wide and let her arms hang over the edge of her chaise. “Hey, Tikki?”
“Yes, Marinette?”
“Do you think it’s unfair to Chat if I date him even though I have feelings for Adrien?”
“Your heard your maman. You can’t control whether you have feelings for other people. You can only control what you do about it. If you choose Chat, and you keep choosing him, that’s what counts.”
Marinette opened her eyes. “How did you get to be so wise?”
Tikki giggled again. “If you were old as I am, you’d be pretty wise too. The great thing about humans is their capacity for love. Your heart is part of what makes you an amazing Ladybug.” She landed on Marinette’s collarbone and leaned up to nuzzle Marinette’s cheek.
“Thanks Tikki,” Marinette said, smiling. They sat in silence for a few minutes; from her position, Marinette could see out her window. It was beginning to rain, and she belatedly hoped that there were no stray kitties out wandering the city. Chat hated getting wet.
She wondered if it said a lot that her first thought was always for Chat.
“So, what are you going to do?” Tikki asked finally.
By way of answer, Marinette sat up and called out, “Tikki, spots on!”
Red light washed through her room, and Ladybug clambered up onto her bed. She had the feeling that Chat was out and about, in spite of his hatred for the rain. She pushed open her window and slid out onto the balcony. She was soaked within minutes, but it was warm enough out that she didn’t mind. She leapt off her balcony and headed for the Eiffel Tower.
It must have been nothing more than a quick summer storm, because the rain had stopped by the time she landed on a rooftop adjacent to the Tower. Ladybug squeezed out her pigtails, grumbling under her breath about her luck: if she’d waited just a few more minutes, she wouldn’t have gotten wet at all.
Behind her came a familiar laugh. “I thought it was cats who hated rain?”
“Turns out bugs aren’t too fond of it either,” Ladybug said, turning around. She couldn’t help smiling at the sight of her partner; he was soaked too, blond hair plastered to his face.
“Then why are you out and about?” Chat asked curiously. “Unless… did I forget a patrol?”
“No. I just… needed to talk to you about something and thought you might be around.”
“You thought right. What’s up, Bugaboo?”
“Can I talk without you saying anything for a minute?” Ladybug asked.
Chat looked even more curious now. “Sure.”
“Okay.” She deliberately turned her back on him, because she couldn’t say this if she were facing him. “So I know you’ve heard me talk about my crush before, but what I didn’t tell you is that there’s another guy I kind of like. And lately I’ve been feeling more and more torn between these two guys, because they’re both really awesome in their own ways.”
She licked her dry lips. “I’m kind of tired of feeling that way? It’s really hard on the head, and on the heart. I’d like to choose one of them. Now one of these guys, he barely knows I’m alive. I don’t even think we’re really friends because I act so dumb around him. I stutter and blush. It’s a miracle he hasn’t started avoiding me.” She smiled wryly. Adrien would never do that. He was too kind.
“But this other guy… he tells me he likes me all the time. He flirts with me like, a lot.”
Behind her, there was a sharp inhale of realization. Ladybug blushed, ringing her hands together but unable to bring herself to turn around.
“The thing is,” she went on, somewhat shakily, “I have feelings for both guys. And like I said, I want to choose one of them. My head tells me it makes the most sense to pick the guy who actually sees me.” She forced herself to turn around, though she couldn’t meet Chat’s eyes. “But I… I don’t know if that guy would be okay with it if I didn’t know if I liked him yet as much as he lo – likes me. And… would he be willing to see whether we could be more… even if I still had feelings for someone else?”
Finally, she lifted her gaze. Chat was standing before her, eyes the size of her yoyo, lips parted. He was staring at her like he’d never seen her before. Ladybug clenched her trembling hands into fists.
“Y-you can talk now,” she added. “Please say something, Chaton.”
“I think I’m dreaming,” Chat said, still staring at her. “That’s the only explanation.”
“You’re not dreaming,” Ladybug said.
“Are you sure? I think I’ve had this exact dream before, including how beautiful you look right now.”
Ladybug blushed harder, but still closed the handful of feet between them to punch him in the shoulder. “You’re not dreaming, okay?”
She tensed when Chat suddenly hugged her, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her in close. He was shaking, she realized, and that sufficiently tempered her own nerves to the point where she was able to hug him back. They were always touching, but they didn’t often hug. She’d almost forgotten how good it felt to be in his arms. He made her feel safe and strong all at the same time.
“My Lady,” Chat whispered into her ear, “I have loved you since the day we met. I would be over the moon if you’d give me a chance.”
She hid her face in his shoulder. “And it’s okay that I still have feelings for my crush?”
“If even a part of your heart could be mine, that’s more than enough for me,” Chat said.
“Silly kitty,” Ladybug said, pulling back to look at him. “A part of my heart has always been yours. You’re my partner.”
Chat smiled at that, but asked, “What about your crush, though? You’re just going to give up?”
“I’m not giving up. I’m choosing you,” Ladybug said. “I choose you, Chat Noir.”
His eyes grew bright, and she was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the rain water still trickling from his hair. “Ladybug, I… may I kiss you?”
“Yes,” she breathed, her heart speeding up at the question, and leaned in slightly. Chat met her halfway. Their lips brushed in a tentative kiss, both of them hesitating briefly before their mouths connected again. His lips were chapped and tasted of honey. Ladybug smiled into the kiss.
Her maman had been right.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Chat admitted some time later. They were sitting on the edge of the rooftop, curled up together and exchanging the occasional kiss.
“Believe it,” Ladybug replied. Sitting here with Chat, she realized that she was happy. Chat didn’t make her edgy or nervous like Adrien did. She was comfortable. It felt natural to have his arms around her waist, to lean back against his chest and have him hook his chin over her shoulder so they could watch the Tower together.
“You really want me?” he said, sounding amazed.
“I really do. If this is enough.”
“It’s more than enough, LB.”
“Someday, when Hawkmoth is gone, I’d like to be able to introduce you to my parents as your civilian self,” Ladybug said shyly.
“I would love that,” Chat whispered, squeezing her in a hug. “I really would.”
“Me too,” Ladybug said, turning her head so that they could kiss again.
They stayed together until the sun crested the horizon, then parted with one last kiss and a promise to see each other for patrol in two night’s time. Ladybug’s heart was full as she swung back to her home. She couldn’t stop smiling even as she landed on her balcony and scrambled inside, landing on her bed.
“Spots off!”
“I’m so proud of you!” Tikki squealed immediately.
“He really likes me,” Marinette said, sitting up and beaming. It felt so good to know that Chat liked her back. He’d accepted her confession and told her that he liked her back! It was more than she could’ve dreamt of. She giggled to herself and fell back against her pillows, hiding her face with her hands.
“It’s nice to see you so happy,” Tikki said, giggling. “But what about Adrien?”
Marinette sobered slightly, sitting back up and looking seriously at her kwami. “I love Adrien too. Maybe I always will, I don’t know. But I’m choosing Chat. I want to see what happens with someone who loves me.”
Tikki grinned at her. “Congratulations. For what it’s worth, I think you made the right choice.”
“Thanks, Tikki,” Marinette said, just as her alarm went off. She promptly squealed and dove off her bed.
For once, Marinette wasn’t late. She was exhausted after staying up all night, but she wouldn’t have traded all the sleep in the world for her night with Chat. The memory of his arms around her and the sweetness of his lips made her feel like she was floating as she walked into the classroom.
“Wow, someone had a good night!” Nino said.
Marinette turned, ready to tell Nino that she had indeed, only to realize Nino was talking to Adrien. Her pulse quickened when she spotted Adrien sitting at his desk, wearing a silly smile. It was a smile that reached his eyes and made them sparkle.
“I really did,” Adrien said dreamily. Then, as he noticed Marinette watching, his face cleared. “Good morning, Marinette!”
This boy – this kind boy – might always make her body react in ways she couldn’t control, but standing there Marinette suddenly realized she wasn’t nervous. Her decision to choose Chat had made all of the pressure fall away when it came to Adrien. He wasn’t a potential boyfriend anymore; he was a dear classmate who might someday be someone that she could call a friend.
She smiled. “Good morning, Adrien.”
It was a good thing Alya was sitting behind the two boys, because her mouth literally fell open. Even Nino looked surprised. Adrien simply smiled back.
“What the hell was that?” Alya hissed as Marinette slid into her seat. “You got a sentence out! Good job, Girl!”
“Thanks Alya,” Marinette said, laughing.
“How did you do it?” Alya demanded.
Marinette took her books out of her backpack and gave her friend a mysterious smile. “I made some decisions last night, that’s all.”
“Decisions? About what?”
“About me, and about what I really want,” Marinette said, sitting down.
Alya narrowed her eyes. “What does that mean?”
Marinette winked at her. “It means I’m human.”