Archive of Our Own ^beta

“When you play in the realm of shadows as we do, it is vital you create a new identity.” Belladonna remarks one morning over breakfast.

Blinking, Nori looks up from buttering his scone. Bilba is practically quivering with excitement next to him. He glances between her and her mother, eyebrow raised in question.

Belladonna smiles slightly. “Go on then.” As soon as the words are out, Bilba is darting from the table.

“What -” Nori begins, but Belladonna waves a hand to stop him.

“You will see soon enough. Now as I was saying, it is inevitable that you will be seen. You will need to meet with people and take jobs. You don’t want to lead all of those people to Dori and Ori do you?”

It is more statement than question, but Nori still blanches. That was something he hadn’t considered in the weeks since he signed on as Belladonna’s apprentice. Belladonna nods as though she expected that reaction. “Bilba and I have been working with one of my nephews to begin construction of your disguise. He delivered the pieces yesterday. You can try it on and we can see what works and what does not. There are certain components that I will insist on, but I want you to own the disguise. You need to be comfortable in it. You will also need to choose a name.”

“A name?” Nori repeats in surprise. “But you and Bilba don’t have any do you?”

Belladonna smirks slightly. “You don’t know everything, dear. My contacts in the shadow game know me as Pell Pil.”

Nori drops his scone in his lap.

He stares at Belladonna for a long moment before squeaking, “Pell Pil?! You are Pell Pil? You have been terrorizing the mountain and surrounding area for years! You have driven the captain of the guard to distraction! You are second on Dwalin’s list only to…. No. No, she can’t be.”

Nori shakes his head in horror and then jumps as a quiet voice behind him sadly chimes, “Gwerbainas, at your service.”

Nori just barely catches a glimpse of Bilba in an outfit he has never seen before she drops a bundle in his lap and disappears from the room. He stares after her for a moment before turning back to Belladonna and nearly recoiling at the look on her face. Gone is the cheerful smile of earlier. Belladonna’s expression is perfectly blank, which would be unnerving at the best of times, but when paired with the dagger she is twirling casually it is downright terrifying. Nori swallows thickly.

“Mistress?” He asks carefully.

“Explain what you meant just now.” Belladonna’s voice is as flat as her expression.

Nori thinks frantically over the past minutes. Suddenly he gasps and frantically explains, “I don’t think Bilba incapable! Her skill is far beyond anything I could hope to achieve. I was concerned, that is all, Mistress, I swear! Dwalin is the most impressive guard captain the mountain has seen in years. He is relentless, and smarter than most believe. He will never stop searching for Gwerbainas! And when he catches her….” Nori cuts himself off and shudders violently before continuing in a nearly inaudible voice. “I cannot lose her.”

Silence reigns for a long moment before Belladonna speaks, voice no longer flat but still guarded. “So when you were horrified to find out that Bilba is Gwerbainas it was because you were worried about her? You were not judging her for who she is?”

Nori’s head snaps up and he stares at Belladonna in shock before anger takes over. “No! How could you think that? I would never judge her!” He follows that idea and hates the conclusion he arrives at. Leaping to his feet he swears viciously. “Oh Mahal. She thinks I am judging her! I cannot - I need to -”

Belladonna’s mask finally cracks and recedes, leaving a despair twinged amusement in its place. “Sit down, Nori dear. I need to say a few things before you go after her.”

Nori glances at the doorway Bilba disappeared through before reluctantly turning and sitting back in his chair.

Belladonna sighs and leans forward to rest her arms on the table. “I told you and your brother that there were some here that did not approve of the way we are raising Bilba. The truth is that most of the tweens near Bilba’s age avoid her. They think she is too spirited, too wild and adventurous for a proper hobbit, especially a Baggins. I do not think that would be too damaging for Bilba - she would likely be bored silly by them and she has her Took cousins and some of the more daring Brandybucks to socialize with. The problem is…” Belladonna rubs the bridge of her nose in agitation. “The real issue is my husband.”

Nori blinks. “Bungo? But he loves Bilba.”

“Oh yes, he loves her dearly. He loves his gentle, respectable hobbit daughter. Bungo has never… approved of my other work, shall we say. I was a shadow worker long before he began courting me however, and he was well aware. Decided he loved me anyway and could ‘overlook’ my work. I have spent most of my life hiding that side of me anyway. As long as Bungo understood that I would not give it up, I decided I did not need his approval. It has worked out well for us, especially once we started the caravans. Bilba, though….”

“She wants his approval.” Nori said quietly, heart aching for his friend.

“I am sure she does. But more than that she desires his acknowledgement. Where Bungo decided to merely look the other way with me, he blatantly ignores the same things in Bilba. He refuses to see her. Instead he loves the virtuous gentlehobbit daughter he is trying to raise.”

Nori swears softly. It is one thing to hide part of yourself from someone, like he is with his nadads. But to bare yourself to someone, especially family, and have them reject part of you? It was little wonder that Bilba had reacted the way she had. Sensing eyes on him, Nori glances up to meet Belladonna’s gaze.

“Go.” She suggests. “Explain to her what you meant.”

Nori stands immediately and heads for the hallway. He pauses when Belladonna says softly, “Please Nori, do not hurt her.”

“I would never.” He swears, turning to meet her eyes. She nods solemnly and then makes a shooing motion. One side of his lips quirk up and Nori makes his way toward Bilba’s room. Using every skill he has learned so far, Nori creeps down the hall to her door. His heart sinks when he stops just outside and hears quiet sobbing from within. Swallowing thickly, Nori lightly raps his knuckles on the wood.

“Go away.” Comes the sobbed reply.

Nori leans his head against the door. “Please let me in, ibinê.”

Several minutes pass, but Nori is determined to wait as long as necessary. His patience is rewarded when he hears a barely audible, “It’s open.”

Nori eases the door open and slips through before closing it behind him. He sucks in a sharp breathe as he sees dark cloth scattered in a haphazard trail leading to a mess of curls and tears huddling in the corner.

Rushing across the room, Nori skids to his knees beside Bilba and gathers her into his arms, burying his face in her hair. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh Mahal, I’m so fucking sorry ibinê.”

Bilba stiffens in surprise before slowly relaxing and wrapping her arms around his neck in return. “Why are you sorry?” She asks tentatively, fear and cautious hope completing in her voice.

“I never meant to hurt you or make you think I disapproved or anything. I was scared, Bilba. I know Dwalin. The thought of him hunting you scares me witless ibinê.”

Bilba’s arms tighten throughout his explanation until, by the end, she is clutching his tunic to keep him as close as possible. “You don’t think I am… wrong? Or- or- or broken?”

Nori shudders. “Mahal, no.” He replies firmly. “Bilba I asked you to teach me, remember? I think you are utterly magnificent. And I have always admired Gwerbainas, To know you are one and the same? I am without words. Truly, ibinê, my only concern is your safety. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. From anyone who wishes you harm. Including those inbul-hibir fundhamâd-ublag who think you should be anything other than yourself.” He drops his voice to a vehement whisper. “Even your adad if need be.”

Bilba shudders and Nori can feel his neck being dampened by her tears. He says nothing, merely holding her close. Eventually she calms and Nori loosens his hold as she does. Bilba leans back and wipes her face before shooting him a sheepish look. Nori holds up a hand to stall her when she opens her mouth.

“No apologies, and I do not think any less of you. We all need a break sometimes. Honestly I am honored you trusted me enough to let me see.”

Bilba blushes and looks down at her lap, fiddling with the end of what Nori can see is a half unraveled braid. He reaches out and just stops himself from touching. Instead he wraps his fingers around Bilba’s anxiously fidgeting one. “You do not normally braid your hair.”

Her fingers twitch in his as Bilba glances up at him through her lashes. “Not usually, no. But it’s part of… “ She waves a hand at herself and the room behind him.

Glancing back, Nori flinches at the strewn cloth. “I truly am sorry, ibinê.”

“I know you are.” Bilba replies with a small but genuine smile.

Nori smiles back, relieved. “Would you show me?” He asks hopefully, with a nod of his head at the items.

Bilba studies him for a moment before nodding. A true grin spreads across his face as Nori springs to his feet and hauls Bilba up with him. “I’ll just go wait with Mistress Bella. You come out when you are all dolled up again.”

Nori rushes out of the room with Bilba’s twinkling laugh following. He nearly tumbles to the floor when he comes face to face with Belladonna not two steps out Bilba’s door. She puts a finger to her lips and beckons him to follow. Nori does so silently and Belladonna leads him to the living room where she pushes him into a chair and settles across from him. He waits, knowing Belladonna had listened to everything he said to Bilba. After his misstep this morning, Nori cannot blame her. He is surprised, however, when Belladonna does speak.

“Thank you.”

Nori nods. “I meant it, you know. As I promised her, so I’ll promise you. I will do everything I can to protect her.”

Belladonna smiles at him with an expression he can’t quite decipher. “You truly care for her don’t you?”

“Of course I do. She is my best friend.”

Belladonna looks more amused. “And you are hers.” She chuckles. “I am very glad I agreed to let Bilba test you all those weeks ago.”

Nori flushes behind his beard. “As am I.”

A throat clearing nervously draws their attention to the door Bilba has just come in.

Nori stares.

Despite knowing it is Bilba, Nori has to search to find anything familiar about her. “Mahal.” He breathes, standing and approaching her. Belladonna chuckles as she follows. Despite being unable to see her face under the hood she wears, Nori knows Bilba blushes as she drops her head.

“The main purpose of your disguise is to hide you from view. We work in the shadows and they are our greatest protection.” Belladonna instructs as they come to a stop in front of her daughter.

Nori studies Bilba’s outift. “Why not all black then?” He asks. Bilba’s clothes are a mix of deep greys and purples along with black.

“Shadows are not solid, nor are they always deep. They mix of colors tricks the eye. If she was in all black she would be a solid form - a shadow in the shadow that you could see the outlines of and recognize the form. Here the colors blend and blur her edges, making her fade into the shadow. I will insist on a blend of colors for your disguise as well, Nori dear, but I believe Rory has provided brown instead of purple in yours.” Belladonna explains patiently. “Now, just as I mentioned that you will need to have meetings and things of that nature, there will be times you cannot hide. That is the second purpose of your disguise - to hide your identity.”

She waits for Nori to nod in understanding before continuing.

“Now there are two things that all three of us cannot hide nor easily disguise. The first is our height. Anyone who sees us will immediately know we are either Hobbit or Dwarf.”

“What about a child of man or elf?” Nori interjects.

Belladonna shakes her head. “At a distance maybe. But those you meet with up close will know you are old enough not to be either.”

Nori acknowledges that with a tilt of the head.

“Now you and Bilba both have a bit of an advantage here and it is one I insist on both her and you utilizing. Bilba is rather tall for a hobbit lass. While we cannot easily hide the fact that she is female, nor that you are male, we can add some bulk to her disguise.” Belladonna gestures to the padded tunic tucked under a thick leather vest that is studded with daggers. “Those who see her will not know if she is a large hobbit or a slender dwarf.” She gestures to the boots that cover Bilba’s feet and encase her legs to the knees.

Nori nods thoughtfully. In truth Bilba’s disguise gave her a build not that different from his own amad. “She could pass for a young dwarrowdam easily enough. You plan on the same misdirection for me?” Nori asks with a rueful wave towards his own slender build, inherited from his amad.

Belladonna nods. “You are on the slender side for a dwarf, and shorter too. If we make your clothing thin, you could be mistaken for a very tall hobbit, a Brandybuck perhaps. Now the hood will hide your face for the most part, but you cannot rely on it.”

Bilba, following the conversation while not contributing, pushes off the large hood. Nori blinks in surprise. A black mask covered Bilba from the top of her vest to just under her eyes. Her blonde curls are tightly braided down and curled around her head.

“The mask hides distinguishing features as well as a lack thereof.” Belladonna explains. At Nori’s confused look she elaborates. “A beard, my dear. As hobbits cannot grow one and dwarves are rarely seen without, the presence or absence of one would be remarkable. The braids Bilba uses are nondescript. They have no meaning in either culture while keeping her hair out of her way. The braids also hide one other important distinguisher.” Belladonna reaches out and tilts her daughter’s head to the side.

Nori studies it for a moment before recognition dawns. “Her ears.”

“Aye. Hobbit and dwarf ears are too dissimilar. I would suggest you adopt a similar hairstyle for your own disguise as well as a simple braid for your beard. Now, if I am not mistaken there are several braids that you could wear as a son of your family and being my apprentice, is that correct?”

At Nori’s nod, Belladonna says, “I know that hair and beards are incredibly important in dwarven culture, so I mean no disrespect. But for safety, I would recommend you pick a signature look for both that is as different from your disguise as possible. If you wear that same look all the time, people are less likely to connect you to a maybe dwarf with the same color of hair.”

Nori considers that carefully. It makes a great deal of sense. “I have an idea for what I could use. It is flashier than I would normally consider, but it would certainly be different.”

“Only something you are comfortable with.” Belladonna states firmly. “This is not one of the areas I am demanding you follow my instructions.”

Nori nods thankfully. “Only something I am comfortable with. What are the other areas you are insisting on?”

Belladonna considers Bilba for a moment, scanning her disguise. “Let’s see. We have covered the thin layers, beard covered, hair braided down and over the ears. You will have a vest similar to Bilba’s - it is specially treated to make it nearly as strong as armour without the weight and noise. Gloves, bracers and boots of the same.”

Bilba speaks up for the first time. “Will he need weighted gloves like mine?”

“Weighted gloves?” Nori asks curiously.

Bilba holds out a hand for him to inspect. Taking it between his own, Nori lets his fingers roam. He is surprised to find the backs of Bilba’s fingers all the way to where the glove disappears under her bracer is filled with something the shifts under his touch. He glances up at Bilba in question.

“Powdered steel.” She explains. Nori’s eyes widen in surprise, and he can see her smile in the tilt of her eyes. “I need every advantage I can get when it comes to hand to hand fighting. Almost every opponent I will have is larger and stronger than me. The metal gives my hits a little extra behind them. Mainly though, they protect me. I am a great deal less likely to break a finger or knuckle with these on, and I can deflect weapons with less damage to myself.”

Nori continues exploring the gloves, fascinated. “I have seen knuckle dusters before but nothing like this.”

“Knuckle dusters are not practical for us.” Bilba says, wiggling her fingers in his hand. “They would restrict our mobility.”

“And the steel doesn’t weigh you down?” Nori asks.

Bilba shakes her head. “I have trained with them, just as I have with the boots and vest. Warriors train with armour so as to acquaint themselves with the added weight and restrictions, do they not?”

Nori nods and then turns to Belladonna. “Do you think I should wear some as well?”

She considers him. “You do not have the strength issue that Bilba does, but they can be very useful for protection. I think they would be a good idea if you think you can wear them.”

“I will try them. Never know when someone will be carrying a hidden blade.” Nori responds with a shrug.

Bilba giggles and Nori raises an eyebrow at her. “How many blades do you think I am carrying?”

Nori considers her, counting the easily seen ones and adding a few for the ones he assumes he cannot see. “Ten?”

Bilba and Belladonna burst out in laughter and Bilba begins to disarm, adding knives to an alarming pile on the table next to her. Nearly thirty knives of various sizes rest there once she stops.

Nori gapes. “How….”

Bilba giggles. “I’ll teach you.”

Nori shakes his head incredulously as he smiles hopelessly at his friend. “Ibinê you never cease to surprise.”

Bilba’s grin softens into a pleased and embarrassed smile.

Belladonna smirks. “ Let’s try on yours shall we?” She gestures to the package Nori had left sitting on the table in his haste to get to Bilba. Nori nods and collects the package, taking it to his room. He strips down and begins pulling on the items inside.

Once he has all the items on, Nori focuses on braiding down his beard and attempting to replicate the braids Bilba had worn in her hair. It takes him a few tries to get them to cover his ears correctly, but he manages soon enough. Pulling the mask up to hide his heard, Nori blinks at himself in surprise. He is not sure his own nadads would recognize him like this. The thought leaves him surprisingly relaxed, one more layer against the possibility of Dori uncovering his true trade. Smirking, Nori slips his hood up and heads out to find Bilba and Belladonna.

They are still in the sitting room, though Bilba’s knives have once more disappeared and her mask is pulled down. It allows him to see her grin when he walks in. Belladonna stands and circles him slowly before nodding in approval.

“How does it feel?” She asks, slipping her finger in to run along the top of his bracers, checking the fit.

“Like I was born to it.” Nori replies honestly, emotion thickening his voice. Bilba steps into his space and wraps her arms around him.

“I know what you mean.” She breathes. Nori returns the hug before glancing at Belladonna who is watching them sadly.

“Now you need a name.” She says when she catches his eye. “Both Bilba and mine are in Sindarin. Now I know how dwarrow tend to feel about elves, but the fact is that a name in Sindarin is another layer of separation between races. This seems a good time to mention - I don’t care about your preferences, Nori, but one of the things you will learn as my apprentice is how to speak Sindarin, along with any other language I can think of.”

The face Nori makes is mostly covered by his mask, but the gist of it must be conveyed because Belladonna smirks and shakes her head. “None of that. You really want to end up in a situation where you are unable to gather information because the language is not one you know?”

Nori makes another face along with a disgruntled noise, but has to admit she is right. “Fine.” He grunts. “What do your names mean anyway?”

“Pell Pil is Silent Thief. Gwerbainas means Twisted Beauty.” Belladonna explains, with a sad glance at Bilba, who has ducked her head. “Mine was given to me by a friend. Bilba’s…”

“I chose mine.” Bilba says quietly, still staring at the floor. “Everyone is always saying I would be suck a perfect hobbit, a ‘real beauty’ if only I would settle down and learn my place.”

Nori can feel his fists clenching at his sides in anger. Before he can say anything, Bilba lifts her head, jaw clenched.

“I was tired of their words being used against me. So I took them for my own. They think I am beautiful? Well I think the things I can do are beautiful. They are what make me feel alive then so be it. If that is twisted then so am I. And proud of it.”

Nori locks eyes with her, stunned by her words. Without looking away he asks, “Mistress how would I say twisted armour in Sindarin?”

“Gwerbarf.” Nori doesn’t think he is imagining the approval in Belladonna’s voice, but he knows he is not imagining the gratitude in Bilba’s eyes.

“Then that is who I shall be. Armour for those the law does not protect. I will do what I must to protect those I care for, twisted or not.”

Nori turns to face Belladonna, wrapping an arm around Bilba as he does. Belladonna studies the two of them side by side in their disguises. “Gwerbarf and Gwerbainas. I like it.” She says, a slow smile pulling at her lips.

Nori can feel an answering smile appearing on his face. For the first time, standing there with Belladonna smiling at him and Bilba tucked in next to him, Nori feels like he is exactly where he is meant to be.