Chapter Text
My name is Mindy. Well, it's really Melinda, but everyone calls me Mindy. I'm not going to tell you my last name, because there are still people out there who would hurt me. Maybe. It's been two years since the end of the war, and I'm thirteen years old now. I became a Controller when I was eight, and my Yeerk, Milnis (but I call her Millie) is still in my head. That makes some people angry. That I would choose to become a Controller, but also that I am still one. They say that voluntary Controllers are the worst of all. Even though Millie is my best friend.
Even though hurting voluntary Controllers is officially a hate crime, there are still a lot of people who would risk it. Maybe not now, since I'm only thirteen, but then again, some people hate Yeerks so much that they wouldn't care.
So, even though I'm going to tell my story to the world, I'm not going to give out my last name. In fact, my name might not even be Mindy. My Yeerk, Milnis might be a pseudonym.
Then again, maybe these are our real names. It shouldn't matter to you, really, because it's the same story all the same.
I was eight years old when I joined The Sharing. My mom thought it would be a good way for me to make friends, so when she heard about it from one of her friends, she said that she wanted me to go to a meeting.
"Just one," she promised. "Just give it a chance. If you don't like it, you don't have to go back."
It was true that I didn't have a ton of friends at school. A lot of the other girls didn't like me because I was smart and always knew the answers. But I was pretty, too. Not the child model kind you saw in magazines, not like how Rachel the Animorph must have looked at my age. Still, I looked like a regular pretty kid. I had long brown hair and light brown eyes. I wasn't overweight, and my face didn't have freckles. My eyesight was good enough that I didn't have to wear glasses to see the blackboard at school. I didn't have big front teeth. And since I wasn't super nerdy, at least in class, my classmates couldn't say I was a geek or a nerd or anything like that.
Sometimes, I wonder if I would have had more friends if I had acted like the other girls my age. Maybe, if I had tried harder to wear the cool clothes that they did, or wear my hair the way that they did, they would have liked me more. No one teased me, exactly, but no one really wanted to be my friend. I was the kind of kid who would read a library book at lunch, and not care that I was sitting by myself.
I was always very imaginative. This could have got me in trouble at school, because I understood things quickly, and would doodle in my workbook. Except, when my teachers would ask me a question to "catch me off guard"--as my dad put it--I always knew the answer. After a few times of this, the teachers mostly left me alone. Even if I wasn't paying attention all the time, I got the right answers on the homework and tests, and I wasn't doing anything to distract my classmates.
When I daydreamed, mostly, I thought about other planets. Science was my favorite subject, but not just any kind of science. Astronomy. My dad had worked for NASA for as long as I could remember, and I guessed I got my love of outer space from him. He had this big telescope that we would use to look at the stars, and he told me all about galaxies and solar systems. I read anything I could about outer space, even stuff that people would say was too hard for an eight year old to understand. I liked to imagine going to other planets in a spaceship, even though I knew that humans had only gotten as far as the moon. In my mind, I would meet creatures from other planets, but I would always come back home at the end of my daydream. Because, even though I loved outer space, I knew that Earth was my home.
Anyway. I went to the Sharing meeting, and even though there were other kids there, I was definitely the youngest. But, there were a few kids who were probably in middle school, and they were playing this video game that involved spaceships and giant alien blobs, and it looked really cool. My mom didn't believe that kids should play video games, so I just stood there for awhile, watching them.
"You want to play?" One of them asked me.
I shook my head. "I don't know how."
"It's easy. I'll show you."
I wasn't very good at it, but I had a good time. All of the other kids cheered me on, gave me tips. I was kind of disappointed when it was time to go, and I knew that I'd be back.
We did other things at The Sharing, of course. We went to the beach, had barbecues. Even went to amusement parks. After I had been going for about a month, Lisa, who was one of the adults there, took me aside and asked me if I wanted to become a full member.
"What's that?" I asked.
"Well, you're an associate member now, so you can participate in all the cool things we do. But if you become a full member, you can plan them, as well. And you will be given more responsibility. You can help your community more," she explained, smiling.
I nodded. "That sounds cool. But I have to ask my parents."
"Of course, Mindy," she reassured me. "And, don't worry, there's no rush. We love having you at Sharing meetings!"
I beamed. "I love going to them! And I'll definitely ask my parents tonight about becoming a full member."
It wasn't hard to convince them. Mom and Dad (well, Mommy and Daddy, as I called them back then) were really happy that I was becoming more outgoing. That I was making friends my own age.
"We're thrilled that you want to become a full member, Mindy," Mommy said, and Daddy was nodding. "But we think you should take a few days to think it over, and ask other full members about what it's like. Also, if it gets to be too much, with school next year, ask if you can go back down to being an associate member."
This made sense, and I agreed to do all of this before saying yes to becoming a full member.
I did think it over. I was good at thinking about things. Daddy always said that I had a very logical mind, which made me especially good in math and science in school. He and Mommy both said that I took after them in that way. Of course, I had a very vivid imagination, but I wasn't one of those kids who daydreamed in school instead of paying attention in class.
All I knew about being a full member was that they spent more time at The Sharing. Also, like Lisa said, I would get to plan events if I became one. Well, help to plan events. So, this meant that I would be attending more meetings, and maybe make friends with full members that way. I thought the full members were especially nice to us associate members. Since there was no reason not to do it, except that it would mean having to commit more time to it, I decided to go ahead with it.
My parents weren't surprised when I told them about this a few days later.
"I thought about it a lot, and I definitely want to become a full member," I told them at dinner. "Is that okay?"
They both agreed that it was a good idea.
"You're always so happy when you come home from a Sharing event," Daddy told me. "Not as happy as when we use my telescope, but it's close!" He paused, mock serious. "Do you think you'll still have time for star gazing with your old dad?"
"Oh, definitely!" I told him, running up and giving him a hug, which, of course, he returned.
I told Lisa the next day that I wanted to become a full member.
"That's wonderful, Mindy! We can change you over to full member today, if you want," she offered.
"Sure," I said, smiling. "What do I have to do? Sign some papers?"
"It's a little more complicated than that. There's...sort of a ceremony involved. We need to have another full member present, and it takes place in another room," Lisa told me, a little vaguely. "Once this meeting is over, I can ask Ruby to be the other member."
"What are we going to do today?" I asked Lisa. "For the meeting, I mean."
"We're having board games. Next week, though, we'll be going to the planetarium. I understand that you like learning about outer space?"
"I love it," I told her, enthusiastically. "My dad works at NASA, and he taught me a lot about planets and stars and galaxies. We even have our own telescope that we use to find nearby stars."
I wanted to say more, like which stars I could locate, but I didn't want to sound like I was bragging.
She just laughed. "I think you'll especially appreciate the planetarium once you become a full member! Okay, you better join the others, now. We're about to get started."
I went back to my group, but I had trouble concentrating on the game. Fortunately, my group was playing Scrabble in pairs of three, so it didn't matter too much. I just kept looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until the end of the meeting, when I would officially become a full member.
As promised, Lisa approached another woman after everyone had cleaned up the games and put them away. She asked if anyone else wanted to become full members, but no one seemed interested. I was kind of glad-it would just be me joining that day.
"This is Ruby," Lisa introduced me. "She's going to be there with us when you become a full member."
"Why?" I asked.
"We like to have two adults present," Lisa explained.
I shrugged. "Okay. Hi, Ruby."
Ruby smiled at me. "Hi, Mindy. Lisa's told me a lot about you."
They led me into another room that I had never seen before. It was pretty normal looking, but there was something covered on the table, and one of the chairs had straps on them.
"What's on the table?" I asked, starting to approach it.
Lisa took my arm, not harshly, but her hold was enough to make me stop walking.
"Sorry," I said, looking down.
"Don't worry. You'll understand soon enough," she told me, kindly.
The two of them gave me this talk about how The Sharing was helping everyone in the community, and that full members had to be prepared to make sacrifices for the greater good. I tried my best to listen, but I didn't understand much of it.
Ruby must have noticed, because about five minutes into the talk, she stopped.
"Lisa, maybe, we should just cut to the chase," she suggested. "I know it's not in the script, but we don't have a lot of kids become full members."
Lisa gave me a long look. Not like she was angry or anything. Just like she was studying me. I sat up straighter in my chair.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," she finally agreed.
"Do you want to? She's your sister, after all," Ruby pressed.
"Huh?" I asked. "We're not sisters."
Lisa acted like I hadn't spoken. "Sure. Okay," she told Ruby. To me, she said, "You see, Mindy, Ruby and I aren't exactly human. We look human, but we're actually aliens."
I started to laugh. "Yeah, right."
"It's true." She glanced at the table, then away from it. "We're an alien race called Yeerks. We are what you humans would call 'parasites', but the term isn't entirely correct. We don't actually harm our hosts, we just live inside them."
"Hosts?" I asked, raising my eyebrows, the way I did when I was confused.
"Bodies," Lisa explained. "My true name is Ilniss three-five-four, but because I'm living in Lisa's head, you don't see me."
"How did you get there?" I asked, peering at her.
"Through her ear, same as me," Ruby told me, gently. "I'm Leetat seven-four-one."
I kind of wanted to leave then, convinced this was all a joke, but then my eyes focused on the table. "Is that where the Yeerk is?"
"Yes," Ruby confirmed, not moving from her seat, "and then you will be a full member."
"So, once you put the Yeerk in my head, I'll be a...host? To the Yeerk?" I asked.
"That's right. Milnis six-four-two, the Yeerk we have picked out for you, will enter your ear and go into your head," Lisa told me, gently. "Do you have any other questions?"
"Um, yeah! Tons!" I told them, my voice rising in excitement.
Ruby glanced at me, then seemed to remember something, and looked at her watch. "Oh! I only have an hour before I need to leave for my feeding."
"I'm sure it won't take that long," said Lisa-well, Ilniss-as she put a hand on my shoulder. "Besides, you have to remember that humans have never seen alien life, or, not most of them. Of course, she's going to have questions about us."
Ruby nodded, softening. "Of course, Mindy. We'll tell you whatever you need to know."
The first thing I wanted to know was what a Yeerk looked like, but since they weren't offering that information, I figured I should build up to it.
"Thanks. Um, so, once this Yeerk is in my head, then what? Do I talk to her? Does she speak for me, when I want her to?" Something else occurred to me. "Wait. Am I speaking to aliens now, or to Lisa and Ruby?"
"Ruby and I share control, but right now, it is her Yeerk speaking," Ruby--or her Yeerk--told me.
"It's both of us," Lisa explained. "Mostly Ilness, but Lisa does add in her input."
I nodded, baffled. Also, it occurred to me that I didn't know if either of them was telling the truth about who was speaking. I'd have to figure out a way to test that out...
"After you become a full member, and once Milnis has connected to your brain, she will have full access to your mind and body," Lisa continued. "You will be able to speak with her, in your mind, and she will be able to speak with you. Internally, of course. No one will hear the conversation."
"So, I won't be able to use my body after she's there?" I asked, trying not to let my voice get shrill.
I'd kind of guessed that when they spoke about their Yeerks talking. I'd hoped that they would say that the Yeerks wouldn't be able to do anything, that they would just sit back and the real humans would do everything.
Lisa squeezed my hand. "When she makes the first connection to your mind, yes. It will feel strange, at first. After some time, though, it will become second nature. And then, after she's fully connected to your mind, she'll be able to let you move on your own."
"Ilniss is right," Ruby told me. "There will be times that she will need to use your body. We call it being in control. But, it's by no means all the time."
I still felt a little sick at the idea of an alien using my body, but the idea of an, a real live alien, living in my head? That part sounded kind of cool. Still...
"Does it hurt, when she enters my ear?" I asked the Yeerks.
"Only a very small amount," Ruby told me. "Mindy, have you ever had a cavity?"
I shook my head.
"What about a shot?" Lisa asked.
"Yeah, I've had those," I replied, wrinkling my nose a little.
"You know how it first hurts, but then it stops after a few seconds?" Lisa continued.
"Sure. It only really hurts in the beginning," I recalled.
"Exactly. Well, it will like that when Milnis enters your ear. Maybe not even as much as a shot. There will be a small amount of pain, but we Yeerks use painkillers, from our body, to numb the ear. After the painkiller sets it, it doesn't hurt at all."
"Okay, but what about when she moves around in my brain? You know, after she goes into my head?" I asked.
Ruby paused, as though she was listening to something. Well, maybe she was. Maybe the Ruby inside her mind was telling the Yeerk something.
"Ruby, my host, says it doesn't feel like anything when I move from her ear canal to her brain. Aside from the immediate lack of control, but that doesn't hurt."
"Will Milnis stay in my head forever? Does she leave to, like, eat or go to the bathroom or sleep?" I asked, watching Ruby and Lisa's reactions.
"Every three days-really, two and a half-Milnis will leave your head completely to swim in a giant pool. That's where Ruby will be going in about forty-five minutes. You see, Mindy, Yeerks need a special type of food, called Kandrona rays. You know how plants receive nutrients from the sun?" Lisa asked me, and I nodded, remembering this from science class. "It's much like that, for us. We receive all of the nutrition we need when we swim in the pool that the Kandrona shined on. We remain there for a couple of hours, and at this time, Milnis will not be in your head. You'll wait nearby, and when she's had enough rays to satisfy her for the next couple of days, you will be called back, and she'll enter your head again."
I glanced at the table. "Can I see what she looks like?"
Ruby and Lisa exchanged glances again before nodding. "Follow me," Ruby said, and Lisa held my hand.
Ruby lifted the cover, and I saw a tank with what looked like a large slug inside. I jumped back.
"A slug? You're going to put a slug in my ear?" I nearly yelped.
Lisa turned me around and held both of my shoulders, gently. "I know, Mindy. It seems very...distasteful. But that's what we look like in our natural forms. Don't be misled, though. We're a lot more intelligent than human slugs."
To be honest, gross was more what I had been thinking, but even at age eight, I knew that saying this to an alien--or anyone with an alien inside their head--would probably sound rude.
"Does everyone in The Sharing have an alien in their head?" I asked.
"All of the full members do, yes," Lisa told me. "That's what makes you a full member."
So, The Sharing was really an alien organization. Weird. But not in a bad way.
"Are there others? I mean," I clarified, "other groups that are for aliens to live inside human heads?"
"Not that I'm aware of, at least on this side of the world," Ruby laughed, and Lisa grinned.
I nodded. "So, I let the alien go into my head, and then I become a full member? And she's there for the rest of my life?"
"Probably not your entire life," Lisa corrected. "You might get another Yeerk after a few years. Leetat? How long have you had Ruby as your host?"
"One year and three months," Ruby replied. "And you?"
"Nearly two years. Neither of us are likely to get a new host anytime soon, since most humans are..." She trailed off.
"Unless you're an extremely powerful or well known human, promotions after a Yeerk receives a standard human are fairly rare," Ruby explained. "You're young, of course, so a Yeerk might want to move to an adult and seek promotion-"
"Not Milnis," Lisa corrected.
Ruby shrugged. "Anyway, you're likely to be her host for awhile."
I noticed something, just then. Ruby and Lisa were talking, but it seemed to be their Yeerks who were doing all of the speaking. Did they-as humans-ever get to speak? Or move? Outside of the time that the Yeerks ate in the Yeerk Pool. How could I know what the two of them thought about it?
"You can leave your humans when you don't have to eat in the Yeerk Pool, right?" I asked them.
They nodded.
"Before I agree, I want to speak to one of them. I mean, Lisa or Ruby without their Yeerks." As they both raised their eyebrows in surprise, I explained, "Look, I'm talking to you both as aliens, right? I need to know what they think about you guys living in their heads. I need to ask them questions, so I know what I can expect."
"And then you'll become a full member?" Lisa asked me.
"Probably," I told her. "The idea of an alien slug in my brain kind of creeps me out, but it's also cool. Having an alien to talk to, you know?"
They seemed a little relieved by this. I could see Lisa relax, and Ruby smile, really smile, at what I said.
"You do it," Ruby told Lisa. "Milnis is your sister, and besides, Ruby's not that great at explaining things to kids."
Lisa glanced at the tank. "All right, but if it takes more than a few minutes, put me in there with Milnis. I don't want to start to dry up."
Ruby shuddered. "Of course, Ilniss."
I didn't know what to expect, exactly. Lisa looked completely normal as the Yeerk left her head, and I noticed that the slug was extremely long and flat when it came out. It seemed to resume its regular shape-or at least, it looked like the one in the tank-in a few seconds. Lisa put her hand to her ear and cradled her Yeerk in one hand, stroking it with the other.
She gave me a warm and reassuring smile. "Hello, Mindy. I know that 'we' have spoken before, but as it was mostly Ilniss...anyway, it's nice to speak to you in person."
"Hi," I said, suddenly feeling shy.
"This must be quite a surprise for you," Lisa continued. "You're handling it well."
I shrugged, then looked at the floor. "I'm kinda scared," I admitted.
"That's completely normal," Lisa reassured me, laughing a little. "It's not like we see aliens very often. Except on TV."
I managed a smile. "What's it like?" I asked. "With, you know, her?"
"She's very kind," Lisa told me. "As you can tell, she has the use of my body...but not all the time. During Sharing meetings, of course, and some of the day. But I'm what's known to the Yeerks as voluntary-that is, I want her in my head. I have what they call 'control', which is when I have full use of my body, for a large portion of the day. Less if The Sharing requires her to use it, and more if there are no Sharing events or duties. You can certainly expect to be given a fair amount of control from Milnis once she's in your head."
"When she's there and in control...what's that like? Can you still feel your body?" I pressed.
"Yes, as acutely as if she wasn't there, or was giving me control. Most Yeerks with voluntary humans operate this way. It's called 'loose control'. Your Yeerk is operating your body, but you still feel everything. The more traditional method of control for a Yeerk is..." She trailed off.
"My host says she feels her senses less acutely," Ruby offered. "When I operate her body, like I am doing now. A bit like how your hands feel when you touch something, but are wearing gloves."
I frowned. "Who wants that?"
"It has its advantages," Lisa told me. "Suppose you're hungry, or not feeling well. Or, you've scraped your knee after you fell down. You wouldn't want to feel all of that as much as you would, right?"
"I guess not. But that doesn't happen very much," I added. "So, um...how often will she be in control of my body?"
Lisa smiled again at me. "Well, that depends on her job. If she's going to spend a lot of time looking for aliens for others, which is unlikely given your age, a fair amount. I wouldn't want to speak for her, but from what I know of my sister, you can expect to have a lot of time using your body."
"Of course, she'll still be there," Ruby added.
"What about when I'm asleep?"
"Yes, which can be very helpful. Ilniss monitors my dreams, and she can remember ones that I forget. Yeerks sleep as well, but they need far less than we do. So, they're more in tune with your sleep patterns."
"What happens if we're both sleeping and I wake up suddenly? Am I paralyzed until she wakes up?" I asked, frightened.
Lisa put an arm on my shoulder, shaking her head. "No, honey. Even if you were both asleep when your mind was awoken from a dream, this would trigger Milnis awake as well. The neurons your mind fire would wake her up."
"That's assuming that she was in control at the time you fell asleep," Ruby added. "A lot of voluntary hosts, including mine, prefer for this not to be the case. So, if you had a powerful dream and woke up suddenly, you would be in control by default."
"That's a relief," I said, managing a smile. I had an image of myself unable to move, while Milnis was happily sleeping on. I was glad to find out this wouldn't be the case. I took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm ready."
They both smiled, looking relieved. Lisa glanced down at her alien-her Yeerk. "We could do it at the same time," she offered. "Would you like me to hold your hand?"
I nodded. "Please."
Ruby went over to the tank and retrieved Milnis. As soon as she was a few feet away from me, I spoke up again.
"Can I do it myself? Like Lisa?"
Ruby gave me a once over. Or, rather, my hands. "Let's make sure you don't drop her, first."
I glanced at Lisa to see how she was holding her Yeerk, and then held my hands out in a sort of bowl shape, determined to copy her. As Ruby put my Yeerk in my hands, I was glad that I had watched Lisa. The feeling of slime was enough to make me drop my Yeerk and want to run to the nearest sink. But, I didn't.
Satisfied, Ruby smiled at me. "Good job. Okay, on the count of three, then?" At our nod, she said, "One, two, three."
I held my Yeerk to my ear, and felt the slimy sensation move from my hand to my ear. I tried not to wrinkle my nose at this. Anyway, soon I was distracted by pain of Milnis entering my ear. My eyebrows probably shot up, and Lisa squeezed my hand.
"Mindy..it only hurts for a minute," she told me, as her Yeerk was starting to disappear into her own ear.
As soon as she had finished saying that, the pain had vanished, replaced by a feeling of numbness.
"Keep holding my hand?" I asked, turning to her.
"Of course," she promised, squeezing it.
For a minute or so, nothing happened. I mean, I could still feel my body, and was pretty sure I could move everything. But, even though the pain of my Yeerk entering my ear was gone, I definitely felt her move forwards into my brain. But, like I said, it didn't hurt.
I took a deep breath, and waited.
I felt my body start to...slip away from me a few seconds after that. It was sudden, but in pieces. Like, I knew that my left leg was now being controlled by Milnis. Then, my right hand. Not the arm, though, just the fingers. For a minute, I tried to keep track, but it was scary to think about, so I just took another deep breath and tried to relax.
As she moved further into my mind, I could feel her presence. Kind of. I didn't think she was aware of me, yet, but I could definitely feel some emotions that weren't mine. Excitement, mostly. A little bit of worry, but that could have been mine as well. Wonder. That was a big one.
And then, suddenly, it was like I had been pushed into a corner of my head. Not that this hurt or anything, but it was like the individual parts of my body that were no longer mine suddenly became my entire body.
I felt the Yeerk using my eyes, flexing my arms. She squeezed Lisa's hand...whether to reassure me or because they were sisters...I don't know.
I felt scared. Overwhelmed. Even though Ruby and Lisa had walked me through this, it was one thing to know what would happen and another to experience it. Part of me wanted to scream, to panic, to try to run. All of which, I knew, would be impossible, because Milnis was in charge of my body.
Then, I felt her presence in my mind. It felt...gentle. Concerned. I tried to reach out to her.
(H-hello?) I spoke tentatively. (Can you hear me?)