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Chapter Text

"Hey, wanna' dance... Or something. Preferably something, because I honestly don't think my feet can handle being stomped on by those mallets attached to your lower body."

And que Jaime Lannister.

"You've been drinking," She turned in her seat and stated more than questioned. He was a mess. His black tuxedo pants stained with something akin to chocolate frosting from, what Brienne could only suppose, came from the wedding cake. His tie was pulled halfway down and five buttons of his shirt were undone and, was that, ah yes, more frosting on his collar and on his shirt cuff. She couldn't guess what he did with his jacket or vest.

And, as always, he was still disgustingly handsome. Brienne fought down the butterflies in her belly and made sure he saw her as she eyed his appearance with judgemental scrutiny.

"Yes I've been drinking. It's Tyrion's wedding, one would think it mandatory. Now, wench, a dance?" He asked again holding out a hand. He needed to steady himself when his center of gravity was thrown off and grabbed the empty chair next to her.
 
She sighed loudly and folded one long leg over the other. She'd long ago kicked off her heels in favor of dancing barefoot with the other bridesmaids/partygoers.

She kicked him lightly with her big toe that was painted a dark blue. Jaime's eye traveled to her foot then up her leg to the hem of her dress that racked itself high up on her thigh. It was strapless and all black. The only dress in her closet that made her feel, sexy; feminine. She may have enjoyed his lingering stare a bit more than she should have. Given that he's a gigantic arsehole.

"No, I don't want to dance." She ran a hand through her short hair and patted at her forehead. The makeup she applied for the evening slipping a little with the sweat glistening on her skin.

"You danced with Hunt. And Hunt's a cunt," he smiled amusedly at his rhyme and looked to her to join in. She crossed her arms and stared like one would at a child. For all his worth, Jaime might as well be a hyperactive ten year old boy.

"Hunt is a cunt, but he's the cunt that also helped me fix a flat tire on my way here," she recounted. Jaime scoffed and waved away her statement with a drunken gesture she's seen Tyrion do many times when people have tried to take the bottle from his hand. It must be a Lannister thing.

"My phone was dead. I would have come to fair maiden's aid had it been functional. Alas, here we find ourselves, a girl sitting in a chair having to deal with the fact she let a cunt dance with her at her bestfriend's wedding, while a prime choice of the male species offers her a once in a lifetime opportunity," Jaime said throwing out the offered hand more blatantly.

Brienne snorted unelegantly and with a heavy layer of sarcasm.

"You insult me almost, no, wait, on a regular basis. Everytime we talk actually. Which is often.You're litterally the definition of a shitty friend," Brienne countered as she grabbed her drink from the table and sipped from it.

"You insult me too! We banter. It's our thing. Bantering," he said and motioned erractically between them, "Now stop looking half miserable and half amused that I'm standing here. If Tyrion walks by he'll think I'm bothering you," He continued.

"You are bothering me."

"No. I'm amusing you."

"You're amusing yourself at my expense." Brienne raised a pale eyebrow daring him to question her logic but couldn't help the smile that peaked at the corner of her mouth. She gulped down the rest of her drink and settled the glass back down on the table.

He exagerated his sigh and threw a hand over his forehead dramatically.

"Brienne! Sweet, sweet, Brienne. Dance with me. I cannot go another moment without your body pressed along side mine! Oh fairest-"

The way he drawled theatrically, and just a smidgen smugly, was just what Brienne needed to roll her eyes and stand as she grabbed his tie with an uncomfortable force that was camouflouged as though she was attempting to straighten it. All the way to his throat. He made a weak choked noise. Brienne smirked and dropped her hands to let them fall to her hips.

"I'm not going to dance-"

Her own statement was cut off when Jaime grabbed one of her hands and tugged her close to his body in a dancing position. In all actuallity it was quite a fluid movement for someone who was drunk.
 
Brienne was shocked for a moment before she groaned and used her free hand to push through her straw colored hair again. Jaime grinned full and bright and dear lord she wanted to hit him.

"You know, I thought you were drunk."

"Oh foolish Brienne, I'm a Lannister, we're devious bastards. Now, let's dance," he turned with her, and dragged her along and almost tripped over as her long legs struggled to follow him to a spot on the dance floor he deemed acceptable.

Ah, into the throng of people.

Brienne stood stock still even as Jaime swayed with the soft music that was meant for couples. The exact couples that littered themselves all over the dance floor. She made a quick glance for Sansa or Tyrion but they weren't to be found.

"Brienne, dance with me," he made a pathetic sound in the back of his throat. Brienne rolled her eyes and failed to tug her hand out of his.

"Or would you prefer to take the lead? The male role, one would say?" Jaime said with a bit of challenge.

She knew he was just being a shit to be a shit now and with a quick motion, she placed his hand on her shoulder and placed her own hand at his hip while their already entwined fingers stayed together.

"Well, one of us has to Jaime. I don't think you're quite up to taking the lead at all with me," Brienne said smugly and Jaime's face was a split second frozen in an utterly stupid expression before it turned into a horribly, filthy, sexy smile.

"Oh my God, Brienne, you're flirting aren't you?"

Brienne felt the red hot blush wash over her cheeks and hit the back of her neck with a fury.

"No. I wasn't. You idiot."

"Oh, yes, yes you were. And may I say it's commendable, witty even. Then again you usually are," he whispered in her ear. She jolted back a bit at the almost erotic feel of the breathe on her ear and stared at him with a slack jaw.

"No, it's banter. You said it was banter," Brienne swallowed harshly and ignored the burning in her chest, "It's our thing."

Jaime released her hand as he settled both of his on her hips and tugged her even closer. Brienne warily wrapped her arms around his neck or risked looking like a flightless bird with her arms out stretched.

"I'm beginning to think that our banter is just how we woo one another. Don't get me wrong I'm a complete ass to you. I love being a complete ass to you. Makes me feel all these warm tingles in my stomach when I think you're about to do bodily harm. And I'm sure you're satisfied after a long session of our word wars. I'm always certainly down for a quick tumble in the sheets afterwards. What about you wench?"

The way Jaime said it, in his voice, in that specific manner that he always talks in, made Brienne toss her head back and she laughed loudly.

"Are you saying Jaime Lannister, that we've been metaphorically tugging each other's pigtails for two years because we're attracted to each other?" Brienne asked and began to sway with Jaime finally. He smiled brilliantly.

"It's exactly what I'm saying Wench. It's a thrill with you. You've got me hot and bothered, Giantess," he managed to say it with his usual brutal snarkiness and a surprisng lit of lust.

Brienne let him tug her closer and there was no room between them now. She smiled even as annoyance edged at the use of horrible nicknames. Familiar heat bubbled in her belly, the type she always got being around him.

"You're such a prick. You're litterally insulting me as you confess you want to shag me. Lannister I know you have your looks, but no one is going to stay for the charm you so vehemently lack. May I recommend a social ettiquette class?" Brienne said and surprised herself by burrowing her face into his neck.

She heard Jaime laugh and felt the rumble of his chest as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"What say you we get out of here?" Jaime asked letting a roaming hand slide down dangerously low. Brienne smiled into his neck and gently bit down before she pulled back to look at him.

"We are not sleeping together Jaime," Brienne answered laughing. Jaime looked abashed and for a moment embarrased as he ran a hand threw his hair.

"I, well obviously that didn't mean what you thought it meant. No, wait, thats a bullshit lie, of course it meant what you thought it meant-" Jaime started before Brienne put a finger to his lips.

"Until, we get the greasiest burgers in town, fulfill the promise of egging Ron Connington's car from two weeks ago," Brienne laughed as Jaime nipped at her finger.

"I remember. We'd drunk a bottle of Jameson and watched Hellboy. A good night," He mumbled against her finger. She smiled in response before pressing her finger against his lips, further silencing him.

"And I get to pick the place for breakfast in the morning," Brienne finished taking her finger from his mouth.

"Oh Gods, you're perfect."

"I'm also driving, seeing as you were drinking earlier. Not as much as I had previously thought, but still."

"I may be a bit drunk but I'm still up to task wench," Jaime said giving her a pointed and heated look. He dropped his hand and groped her ass. Brienne leaned in close and whispered into his lips.

"I'm counting on it Jaime."

He groaned loudly before flushing her against him and finally taking her mouth. Brienne tangled her fingers in his hair and copied his tongue stroke for stroke. Her breathe was shuddered and she wanted him desperately.

They pulled away, both smiling brightly and happily.

"We really should have done this about a year ago," Jaime said smiling and pressing quick kisses all over her face. Brienne giggled and tilted her head to the side as her face was bombarded with Lannister kisses.

"Agreed, " Brienne snickered and moved slowly with Jaime. He ran a guideless hand up and down her back and smiled wickedly.

"How many people do you think have had bets on us? Five?" He asked glancing around the room and settling on Sansa and Tyrion feeding each other cake messily.

"Are you kidding? The whole wedding party most likely. Did you hear Margaery practically squeal when I caught the bouque?" Brienne snorted as Jaime tried to hold in a laugh but failed miserably.

"Well, you did toss it to me."

"I was trying to throw it at your head. You made that disgusting gesture."

"I was mimicking a hand job."

"It was gross."

"It was a sincere invitation. Brienne, if you're going to admit you're unabashedly in love with me, you'll have to admit you love my provacative and successful seduction techniques as well," Jaime said pulling away and twirling her in a flourish someone only ball room trained would know.

"That was one of your provacative and successful seduction techinques? I'm sorry, I didn't know I'd win your heart by putting a 'V' up to my lips and waggling my tongue." Brienne rolled her eyes but smiled none the less as another song came on. It was still a slow song, though faster than the previous one.

"Have my children. Jesus, Brienne, have my children and I'll never steal the muffins off your desk at work ever again," Jaime said awed and amused. His smile was large and ever present and he looked at her like she was the only one in the room. She grinned and cupped his cheek in her hand.

"After we egg Connington's car I'll see how generous of a mood I'm in," Brienne laughed. Jaime squeezed her hips in shared amusement. He was open and happy and this time Brienne kissed him. It was slow and tempered and perhaps even better than the first kiss. They pulled apart and rested their foreheads against each other's.

"On the count of three, the last one to the car buys breakfast?" She offered, her eyes closed and enjoying Jaime's hands on her. She felt his smile as he nodded twice.

"Give each other a twenty second delay to collect car keys and personal items from their respective table?"

"Of course. Who do you think I am? Ramsay Bolton? That shit always cheats on races."

"Shut the fuck up Jaime."

"One."

"..Two."

"...Three."

Go.

Chapter Text

"This bacon is marvelous. Wench, you must try it," Jaime said around a mouthful of bacon and held the plate out to Brienne who was smirking behind her coffee cup before she took a piece and chewed it thoughtfully.

The table they sat at in an old mom and pop diner at one thirty in the afternoon, was littered with plates of eggs, pancakes, bacon, toast, hashbrowns and an ice cream sundae. Brienne hadn't been surprised when Jaime ordered, he threw money around like non other. Especially when he was buying.

"Do we look a bit ridiculous?" Brienne asked as she ran a hand through her still damp hair. Their morning excursion, and fourth round, was an exciting adventure in the shower.

Jaime swallowed down his mouthful and took a drink of his coffee before taking one of her hands in his and kissing each finger. Brienne blushed and scanned the small diner, but no one was really paying them any attention.

"Why? Because both of us are up to our elbows in food, or the fact that your wearing my old rugby shirt from university and pajama bottoms? By the way, you look absolutely ravishing in my clothes," Jamie smiled and answered rougishly.

Brienne kicked him under the table and scratched lightly at his palm where their hands lay on each other. He smirked and continued eating.

"You're going to have to drive me to my apartment later today. I have to get a fresh change of clothes. I can't just live off your closet, as 'ravishing' as you'd find me. Besides, I have some work that needs to be done on my laptop," Brienne said eating a forkful of eggs. Jaime nodded his head and turned to look at her with a wide smile.

"Okay, we'll stop by quickly so you can grab everything you need, then we'll drive back to my place and watch trashy telly and see how many times we can screw till we pass out and still wake up for work in the morning."

Brienne made sure not to choke on her eggs before responding.

"I was thinking I'd stay at my place tonight, having work and all tomorrow. Jaime, I can't actually live with you."

Jaime leaned forward a bit and turned her hand over in his before he fixed her with an honestly confused stare.

"Why not? Just move in. My apartment is ten times bigger than yours," Jaime paused as Brienne rolled her eyes and muttered something along the lines of 'trust fund baby', before he continued, "it's closer to work, and I'll be able to come to our home and shout 'Brienne, I'm Home!' in a more or less intelligible impersonation of Desi Arnaz. You wouldn't deny me that kind of pleasure would you?" Jaime said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world and goodness Brienne, don't you understand?

Brienne let out a soft laugh and let her head fall to her hand and looked at Jaime with half bafflement and amusement. She should have known what she was getting into. She smiled.

"I didn't say no to any of your pleasures last night Jaime."

He tightened his hold on her fingers and stared at her with an intensity she had grown very accustomed to last night. There's an undiscribable heat littered in his eyes and she felt herself flush in response. She didn't know if she'll ever get used to how she reacts to him.

"True enough, lover. You didn't tell me you were a regular Casanova tumbling in the sheets."

Brienne gave a short giggle and held a finger up to her lips like she's given away the most absolute secrets of secrets.

"A girl has her secrets Jaime. Maybe, if you're somewhat tolerable today," Jaime throws his head back and laughs loudly, drawing some attention from the other customers, "I'll show you some more."

She winked and saw him smile in awe.

"You're positively a little minx! I've changed my mind from last night! We should've done this the first day we met!" Jaime grinned in furthered amusement and reached for her other hand before an annoying buzz and melody rang from his pocket. Brienne raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Are you going to answer that, sweet?" Brienne asked with some annoyance at their moment being momentarily ruined. Jaime rolled his eyes and snatched his phone from his pocket with a hastiness that deemed himself annoyed with the buzz.

"I swear to the Gods if it's Tyrion-"

"Or Margaery," Brienne interloped.

Jaime smirked before he looked at the screen and let a grim line set in. Brienne felt herself fill with worry.

"Who is it Jaime?"

He looked to her and sighed loudly.

"Cersei," He said her name like cancer.

"Cersei? Why?" Brienne started.

"I have no idea. I haven't talked to her in two years. Two gloriously silent years," He whisperered. Brienne dected a hint of anger and she made a point of squeezing his hand in support.

He answered his phone with a gruff 'Yes'.

He immediatley sighed again and dropped the phone on the table before he switched it to speaker.

"Be nice Cersei, I have you on speaker in a crowded diner. Don't air out to much dirty laundry now. Why'd you call me? How'd you get my number? I know for sure Tyrion hasn't given it to you."

"Father obviously. He does keep tabs on us even if he's dissapointed." Her voice was smooth as honey, even over speaker phone and Brienne bristled at the sound.

"Again I ask, what do you want?" Jaime sounded tired and Brienne had an urge to grab the phone and throw it against the wall. She knew their history.

"I'm leaving him. I want you back," Her tone was seductive but it just caused Jaime to let out a bark of bitter laughter.

"Just like the last five times right? We haven't spoken in two years for a reason Cersei. By the Gods, just go quietly back to your husband. You were quick enough to throw me away-"

"I was wrong."

Jaime let out another laugh and Brienne found herself getting more uncomfortable by the second.

"Oh, the great she-lion can admit she's wrong now. What a shock," He snorted haughtily. He looked to Brienne and entwined their fingers tighter. Brienne gave a weak smile in response, the knots in her belly coiling.

"You've been spending too much time with Tyrion." She sounded disapproving.

She sounded bothered and annoyed and Brienne's smile widened a fraction in small victory.

"Thank the Gods."

"Very funny Jaime. Look I'm trying to give you a second chance here-"

Jaime let out a rush of air that sounded like a hiss and Brienne scoffed loudly.

"Are you, are you with someone?" Cersei's voice dripped venom.

Jaime looked over to Brienne and stared into her sapphire eyes before both of them let out twin laughs.

"I'm with my woman yeah. She's amazing. You'd absolutely hate her." Jaime winked at Brienne before he blew her a kiss. Brienne blushed a deep scarlett.

"Is it that Tarth bitch? The one who was practically in heat the first time she saw you? That manish looking cow from your work? Are you fucking insane? Are you fucking that bitch? Does she have a cock and balls below the belt? Make a new discovery Jaime?-"

Jaime snatched the phone from the table and turned it off speaker before hissing into it.

Brienne's heart drummed with adrenaline. She'd had worse thrown her way and said about her, but the fact that is was HER, made those words dent her armor harder than any other had before.

Jaime was positively livid and kept his voice low and deadly. Brienne knew that rage, was witness to it when Jaime slugged Ron Connington for calling her a whore and a bitch.

He froze in his seat suddenly.

"If you even dare to threaten her again, I'll go straight to the press about my precious little 'niece and nephews' and who their real father is."

His voice was gravel and Brienne felt angry heat spread across her chest and up her neck. Their hands were practically pythoning around each other now.

She heard an angry velvetly laugh on the other side of the line before Brienne gave in to her whims and snatched the mobile from Jaime's hand and settled it against her ear.

"Hello Cersei," Her voice was cold. Violently so. Jaime stilled and with curious eyes watched her.

"You're Brienne."

Brienne laughed vicsiously.

"And you're his sister. And his ex-lover."

Silence rang on the other end.

"What? Nothing to say? No threats now that you can hear my voice? Listen Cersei, or should I call you 'bitch' since you seem fond of the word," Jaime's eyes widened in surprise,"you must still be new to the thought of Jaime living and breathing on his own without your prissy ass to control him. Don't worry, I've been taking great care of him. Now, I may not be a great beauty as you so eloquently fucking described in your prior speech, but I do have one thing you don't, and that's the ability to love others more than myself, you narcissistic piece of shit. If you'd like to continue to threaten me though, let me tell you I know all about you. I know you Cersei. I know every skeleton in your closet. The most you know about me is my ugly face and perhaps my ability to woo men ten time prettier than myself," Brienne took a moment to look at a smirking Jaime.

"You think I'm pretty?" He asked grinning. Brienne dropped a smile in  his direction.

"The prettiest, darling."

 She blew a kiss at him before turning back to her conversation with Cersei.

"And I'm pretty sure if I were to expose you, Jaime would happily go down with the ship only to return to my bed at the end of the day," Brienne paused and looked to Jaime.

"That's correct isn't it?" She asked him even though she already knew the answer. Jaime nodded enthusiastically, slack jawed and in wonder.

"He's moved on. He's moved on with me. Now, why don't you leave him alone? He doesn't want you," Brienne paused and bit the inside of her cheek before adding, "He doesn't need you."

Brienne heard labored breathing across the other line and sputtering.

"Don't call him ever again. Unless you'd like another chat with me? And if you do want another chat, why don't we have a short girl talk in person?"

"You ugly-"

"Goodbye Cersei have a lovely day and say hello to the children for me."

Brienne hung up the phone not waiting for Cersei's response and slid it over to Jaime. She felt utterly drained and impossibly alive at the same time. She looked to Jaime who was bloody beaming and bouncing in his seat.

He quickly leaned across the table, food forgotten, and grabbed the sides of her face before kissing her like his life depended on it. He nipped and licked and she eagerly let him in. He pulled away when he heard courtesy coughs of other customers but didn't stop gazing at her. Brienne's heart skipped and she laid a hand over one of his still on her face.

"I love you. Brienne I am so very much in love with you it feels like my heart could explode."

He said it with a ferocity she can feel and she can't breathe.

"I'm in love with you too."

She said it softer, more in wonder at the truth of it. Jaime laughed and pulled her in for another kiss, this one closed mouth but still as passionate before. He settled back into his seat holding both of her hands.

"You're moving in with me."

Brienne nodded dumbly and let a huge smile split her face.

"Yeah, Jaime."

"We'll pack most of your stuff tonight and get everything else next weekend. I have plenty so we'll mostly be getting your clothes and your presonal things."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Oh, I'll have to meet your dad."

"Um, sure. Maybe in a couple of months, I'd have to tell him about us and let him get used to the idea and-"

"No time, it'll have to be soon. Maybe sometime this week. We'll have to set up lunch."

"Why so soon? Jaime what's going on?"

"Well he'll have to spend some time with his future son-in-law before the wedding."

"What?!"

"Which reminds me, do you want a fall or spring wedding?"

"Excuse me? Jaime! Hey! Don't you run from me, you have to pay the bill! Jaime Lannister come back here right now!"

"Last one to the car has to change their name!"

One

..Two

...Three

Go.