Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was exactly 2 months and 14 days since the day they defeated Thanos and Tony died. Everyone knew someone was going to die, but Rhodey never thought it was going to be Tony. It’s not like he wished anyone else was going to die instead of Tony, but he never imagined his best friend and ex and kinda still is his boyfriend to really sacrifice himself like that. But he did. And now he’s going through it. but he’s proud of himself that he hasn’t stayed in bed asleep all day these past 2 months and 14 days. He’s been keeping himself busy.

Back in their MIT days Tony used to film themselves a lot and it used to annoy Rhodey at the time, but now YouTube is a thing and people are getting millions from doing the same thing Tony was doing back then. Tony was always ahead of the game. He did this during all 4 years of MIT and even a little bit after graduation. So Rhodey has a bunch of boxes filled with old school videotapes with memories from college and he’s been digitalization them ever since the day of the funeral. He did have to get them from his storage place but after that, it was actually quite easy to convert them from analog to digital. He’s been re-watching each one and sometimes watches ones that were extra special to him twice or even three times. Their graduation, special dances, and road trips they had during the summers. The one he was watching now was filmed during the fall semester of their second year. It was quite an average day for them but current Rhodey didn’t care about that now. After everything.

September 1984

Tony was holding a big bulky camcorder that he got for himself for his past birthday. He never really got to used it at home so he made sure to pick it up with his things for when he moved away for college. He was currently in his bathroom, a camcorder is recording, and trying to pretend he’s fixing his hair.

“Hello to anyone who’s watching this! I’m Tony Stark, and not Anthony Stark despite what my father says. Never trust him if you ever run into him. I’m currently in my bathroom and Rhodey is in my bed, and no, not like that. He’s doing homework and I should be doing homework but I was bored and this is better.” Tony explained. He then walked out of the bathroom and back into his dorm where his bed was and where his boyfriend is. He gave the audience a quite look through his dorm because it’s a different one from last year. His camcorder finally pans to Rhodey who was actually working on his homework.

“Hello, Rhodey! Please tell everyone what you’re doing right now.” Tony says as he gets on his bed. Not as close to Rhodey as he likes but he wanted the audience to see him properly and not just like his shirt.

“I’m currently doing physics homework. I’ve used 3 pages of paper for the one problem I’m working on right now. Is that what you wanted tones?” A much younger Rhodey asks.

“Yes, actually. Thank you love.” Younger Tony says.

“Care to explain what the problem is?” Younger Tony asks.

“No, because this isn’t in English and I only speak English,” Rhodey complains.

“Okay, that’s fair actually,” Tony says.

“Hey, Rhodey, do you know what is in English?” Tony asks.

“What, Tony?” Rhodey asks back.

“How much I love you.” Tony answers.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah! Even math can explain how much I love you!” Tony says in an excited childish way.

“Please explain this to me.”

“I love you a ton, Rhods.”

“I love you 2,000, Tony.” Even with love Tony was competitive. He had to love his person the most.

“Well, I love you 3,000!” Tony says. Again, almost like a child trying to tell their parent that they love them more.

The screen goes dark.

Rhodey can hear footsteps go through the room heading to where he is on the couch staring at the big TV screen on the wall. Just by the steps, he could tell it was Pepper.

“Did he really say he loved you 3000?” Pepper asks. Her husband's youthful voice made her walk into the room.

Rhodey removed his legs from their spot on the couch and decided to sit up so Pepper could have some room.

“Yeah? Why? Was that a thing between you guys too?” Rhodey asks.

“Well, between him and Morgan. Apparently, she only loves me in the 600-900 range.” Pepper explained as she got comfortable on the couch.

“That’s cute actually. She’s totally his kid. It’s not even like you’re her mom.”

“Thanks. Every parent wants to hear that.” Pepper laughs.

“No problem. So, what brought you here? Did hearing his voice freak you out?” Rhodey asks.

“Not really. It’s nice sometimes actually.” Pepper says.

“Yeah, I can get that. The first time I saw one of these home videos of his was a week after the funeral and I had a total breakdown, but I’ve gotten better now.” Rhodey explained.

“That’s good to hear. I didn’t even know he had these.” Pepper says. Grabbing the videotape that’s on the coffee table. Trying to read her husband’s messy handwriting.

September 15, 1984

An average day of Tony and Rhodey.

Pepper runs her finger down each letter. Remembering the last time she read Tony’s handwriting before he died. It was quiet for a while before Rhodey spoke up again.

"Yeah, I kept them in storage until after the funeral I decided to convert them to digital so that way we can always have a part of him with us. " Rhodey explains.

Peppers hums until Rhodey speaks up again.

“I… miss him. A lot, Pepper. More then I thought I would.” Rhodey says.

“I miss him a lot too, Rhodes. That’s why I’ve been in therapy since that day.” Pepper says.

“See Clint has said that I should go through therapy because he thinks it will help me, but I just… can’t talk about this. About him. About us. I just can’t, Pepper.” Rhodey says. Pepper just nods her head in agreement.

“Like it just seems like everyone is talking about him. Sharing all of their good memories they have of him and how he impacted their life, and I’m his best friend and ex-boyfriend and I didn’t even send out a goodbye message on social media when everyone else did. I couldn’t.” Rhodey says.

He feels tears trying to come out of his eyes and then them going down his face. He moves his head to Pepper’s chest and she runs her fingers through his hair. Trying to confront her grieving friend.

“It’s okay, Rhodey. Everyone goes through death and the grieving process in different ways. For some people, it helps to talk about the person they lost, but for others, they run away and hide when they hear the name of the person they lost. Each respond is the right response for each person.” Pepper explains.

“You’re right. He always hated it when you were right.” Rhodey says.

“He did, but he was thankful for it at the end of the day,” Pepper responded.

“So, how are the others doing?” Rhodey asks.

“Fine, for the most part. Mainly because they got back the people they lost, but Peter is having a hard time too.” Pepper explained.

“Man, poor kid.”

“Yeah. I talked to Aunt May earlier this week and she said she pulled him out of his normal high school and he’s doing online school now. She found a great therapist in the area who’s mainly worked with kids who lost parents during Wars or 9/11.” Pepper said.

“Fuck, I hope he turns out okay and this doesn’t fuck him up,” Rhodey said out loud.

“I think he will be fine. Will probably turn out to be the most normal out of all of us.” Pepper thinks.

“Whatever normal means around here,” Rhodey says as he gets up from the couch and goes to Tony’s old bedroom that was at the end of the hall of the main middle level of Avengers tower.

It hasn’t been opened since him, Pepper, and Happy cleaned it out. Deciding what should they keep and what should be donated and where it should be donated. They left it a little messy because they think that’s what Tony what would have wanted.

Rhodey opens the door slowly and walks into the eerily quite bedroom. The bed was made and Rhodey threw himself on it. He held on tight to the duvet and sniffed it. It still smelled like Tony.

He wasn’t crying. He just laid his head on Tony’s pillow and closed his eyes. Remembering the one time he actually slept with Tony after their MIT years and before Tony got into a relationship with Pepper. Rhodey thought it would be different from when they slept together during college but it was still the same somehow. It was different in some ways because Tony wasn’t this small kid that Rhodey felt like he needed to protect. He could handle himself and showed Rhodey how much he still loved him. Rhodey smiles at the memory and was happy with his reaction.

Maybe he will get better. He won’t move on like Steve Rogers told everyone else looking for advice, but he will get better. It will get easier to live with. He won’t forget Tony, but he won’t stop living life either because he’s sure Tony was going to haunt him for doing that. He was going to get better.

Whatever it takes. They said. Whatever it takes.