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Chapter Text

Welcome to the first prequel to Pirate Wars, the start of a short story series that feature the Four Pirate Emperors. This story will feature “Great Grandma” Sherry Linlin as we begin a charming fairytale about family, friendship, and sweetness. :)

Planet Earth; about 5,000 years ago

“Big Brother… are we gonna be okay?” spoke the small, round girl in fear.

“Yes, Sherry. I promise the demons aren’t gonna get us. We just have to be happy.” replied the older boy, hugging her in comfort as a single candle provided them warmth and light. “Demons hate happiness.”

“I don’t think I can be happy, Brother.”

“Just remember the Fairy Sisters, Sherry. If you keep smiling, the fairies will come to see us. They’ll make everything better.”

“The fairies are gonna come?”

“Yes, Sherry. We’ll get to see the fairies and the mermaids and even the angels, too. And they’ll make everything better.”

After the Demon Wars have reached their climax, and King Malladus had been sealed beneath the earth again, the humans were suffering under the terror of Titans. These Titans looked like oversized, naked humans, and all they sought was to throw humans into their massive mouths. The blood of unfortunate morsels dripped from their mouths, yet it was never enough to fuel their lust. The merpeople, Nimbi, Minish, and Galactic Kids Next Doors were desperately trying to slay every Titan that shook the landscape.

“Dimentia, some of these Titans are children!” Numbuh Infinity told his Supreme Leader. “Should we really be hurting them?”

“Jirachi can’t change them back with his magic. Whatever these demons did, it was too strong. Sorry, Jeremy, but we can’t have another disease on our hands.”

The truth was, all these horrid Titans were humans, captured and experimented on by the demons. While they didn’t discriminate between kids and adults, they found that children made much more suitable subjects for the Gigantification disease. “Watch out!” Gabe yelled, seeing a smallish, round Titan with pink hair charging their way. “Here comes another one!”

“HUMAN FLEEEESH!” cried the round giant, capturing fleeing kids in her gawking mouth like Pac-Man eating ghosts. “HUMAN FLEEEEESH!”

“Hey, since we’re aliens, you think she’ll ignore us?” Gabe asked.

“Just kill her, you idiot!” Dimentia shouted.

“NO, DON’T!” A 10-year-old boy with light-brown hair ran up to the Titan.

“Where are you going, Carl?!” Dimentia yelled.

“SHERRY!” Carl yelled at the Titan, stopping once he was close. “It’s me, Sherry! It’s your brother, Carl!”

“Huuuumaaaaan…”

“He’s going to get killed!” Dimentia grit her teeth.

“No, she won’t! I-I know you won’t, Sherry…” Carl slowly approached the beast. “Not if you want to see the Fairy Sisters. They’re here, Sherry. The Fairy Sisters came here to help us. They destroyed all those nasty demons.”

“Fleeeeeeessssshhhh…” Her mouth was drooling and eyes watering. Another tasty morsel was willingly within her radius.

“You remember, Sherry… I always hugged you close… and read you that story… I read you a bunch of stories… of the angels, the mermaids, and the little people… and now they’re all here… Our dreams are coming true…”

“Flesh…Flesh… … … … Big Brother…”

Dimentia and her cohorts cocked a brow. Sherry’s eyes seemed to change. Slowly, the Titan reached her right hand and grabbed her brother. “Carl…Carl…” She lifted him to her rounded face.

“Yes, Sherry… it’s me.” He lightly patted her nose. “It’s your big brother.”

“…” Sherry lightly pressed him to her nose as Carl hugged. “Hi, Carl…”

“He… Did he actually tame her?” Infinity asked.

A human girl approached them curiously, wondering why the Titan wasn’t eating him. …Sherry glanced down at her, snatched the girl, and bit her head off. “SHERRY!”

“Want a bite, Carl?” Sherry offered the rest of the body.

“Sherry, you need to stop! Humans aren’t food!”

“But they taste so good… and I’m so hungry. Flesh…flesh…”

“Face it, Carl, she’s beyond saving.” Dimentia told him. “Even if she won’t eat you, she may never go back to how she was.”

“There has to be a way!” Carl said as Sherry ate the rest of the girl’s body. “What if…What if we fed her something even tastier? I read stories about entire landscapes that were made of candy. What if these places were actually real?”

“Eh, it wouldn’t hurt to find out.” Gabe shrugged.

Carl and Sherry rode the GKND’s ship and were taken to a mountain of ice cream. Inside an ancient temple, there lay a body of golden ice cream. The second Sherry sunk her teeth into the substance, she was in euphoria. “DELICIOOOOUUUUS!” The five-year-old Titan wolfed the entire thing up in seconds.

“Hey, we wanted a taste, too!” Gabe shouted.

“It’s okay.” Carl replied awkwardly. “At least this should give her a different appetite.”

“Ahhh… Hey, Carl… what was I doing before?” Sherry turned to her brother in confusion. “What’s this red stuff on my face? Is it jelly?”

“It’s, eh… It’s nothing, Sherry.”

Dimentia exchanged a glance with her Wisps. If this young girl realized she had been eating people, she could be devastated… but how long could they go before she found out?

…

“Look, Sherry! These are all the people that helped us beat Malladus!” Before them were kids from numerous races. “Those fish people are the mermaids we read about! And those guys with wings are the Nimbi! And those little people are Minish, and those even littler things are Pikmin! And these flying colorful things are called Wisps.”

“We’re not all mermaids!” a merboy yelled.

“What about that weird one?” Sherry asked, pointing at the floating jester with a black and white face.

“My name is Dimentia, and I’m a Zathurian.”

“Carl never told me about Zathrians or Lisps.”

“Well, there weren’t any books about them.” Carl chuckled. “There’s probably tons of other people we never met before.”

“Do they have more candy?!”

“Probably! In fact, I bet they have a whole world of candy!”

“A whole world of candy?!”

“Yep! And maybe one day, we’ll go and find it!”

The GKND went to Mars and brought them a Crystal Marshmallow. Hatching the marshmallow was very dangerous and difficult, but its luscious taste was worth it. Sherry tried all sorts of sweets, from Oceanic fruits, Sun Cream from Buttermilk Building, a Rainbow Lollipop from Skypia, and a magic bunny turned to chocolate inside a volcano. There was even an entire island made of sweets with mountainous cakes!

“CHERRYYYYYY!” Sherry was now munching on a massive red fruit that was larger than her. “This cherry is so biiiig! I love big cherry! Cherryyyyyy!”

“Man, I knew you Minish were good farmers, but how do you make a cherry that big?!” Carl asked.

“We just know our fruit.” Malarko replied casually, the Minish Leader folding hands behind his head. “It’s a shame we can’t use our dust to make her smaller.”

“Yeah, even the Nimbis’ apples don’t work. Whatever the demons filled her with, it was strong.”

The KNDs were joyed at seeing Sherry’s euphoric expression each time she ate, slowly forgetting that she was ever a monster. The mermaids went to the trouble of designing a lovely pink dress for the big ball of fluff, making her look like a giant princess.

“So, Cherry,” Carl began, “are you ready to go see the Fairy Sisters?!”

“YEEEAAAH! MAGIC!” Her eyes grew into giant hearts.

The Fairy Sisters hosted a beautiful magic show for the operatives, which seemed to take Sherry’s breath away just as well as the sweets. Mavis used her illusory lightbending to make unicorns and Pegasi scamper about the field, made suns, clouds, and rainbows dance in the sky, and giant trees came to offer Sherry flowers. As Sherry took a whiff of the flowers, they dissolved into particles and flowed into her nose.

“Remember, everyone: as long as you have courage and determination, all your dreams can come true!” Princess Mavis exclaimed, drawing a rainbow with her wand. “Believe in yourself and you can do anything!”

…

“Carl, I miss Mom and Dad.” Sherry spoke sadly, hugging Carl to her belly.

“I miss ’em, too… but look on the bright side, Sherry. We have so many new friends now! They’re our new family.”

“But they’re not brothers and sisters.”

“Sherry, just because someone isn’t related to you, it doesn’t mean they aren’t your family. And hey, nothing says ‘family’ like coming to our favorite sister’s birthday party!”

“Who’s that?”

“Eh, you’ll find out in a few months.”

It was learned, by some miracle, all of the extravagant candies Sherry had eaten had been reformed. Carl decided to take some operatives on a voyage to find them all again, along with new ones such as Magic Caramels and Licorice Stalks. The older brother began to create a recipe, mixing all these wondrous ingredients into a cake more delicious than anything in the universe.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHERRY!” All her friends were there to celebrate her 6th birthday. “The first piece goes to you! We made this cake extra gihugic so there’s plenty for you and us!”

“CAAAAKE!” Sherry charged up and gobbled the first chunk of the colossal pastry. …All of a sudden, she was awash in more joy and love than she ever felt before. No words could describe how amazing the feeling was on her tongue. “CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!” More and more of the pastry was quickly consumed by her watering mouth.

“Sherry, slow down! Leave some for the rest of us!”

“CAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEEE!” The child’s body began to shine, her skin and flesh morphing into candy itself.

“Was it really a good idea to bake all those things in one cake?!” a mermaid asked.

“I don’t think so, anymore!”

“CAAAAAKE! MORE CAAAAAAAAKE!” The Titan began to consume the ground of Candied Island.

“SHERRY, STOP! Can you hear me?! SHERRY!”

Who can take the sunshiiiine? Sprinkle it with dewwwww…

Sherry’s soul had been uplifted to a paradise more beautiful than Candied Island. There were so many cakes, dancing and pleading Sherry to devour them. And that’s exactly what she did. So many happy pastries were vanishing down her throat, and all her tastebuds were dancing.

“SHERRY, YOU’RE EATING THEM!” The Nimbi and merkids were trying to restrain the monster, but she grabbed and wolfed them down. “SHERRY, PLEASE! STOP!”

Suddenly, Sherry was struck by pink lightning, but it had no effect. The Titan turned to Dimentia, and the colorful alien looked like another luscious sweet. “Caaaaake…” Sherry slowly stomped up to the spacebender, prompting Dimentia to seal her in a Space Block and blow her up.

“What are you doing?!” Carl cried. “She’s my sister!”

“She’s even worse than she was before! She isn’t listening to you anymore, we have no choice but to—AAAH!” Sherry jumped out of the smoke and grabbed Dimentia in both hands.

“Sherry, no!”

In a desperate move, Dimentia warped the Titan off her, and Sherry landed in the sea. The High Supreme Leader spotted one of their saucers and flew into it. “DON’T!” Carl tried to run onto the ship, but was restrained by Gabe and Jeremy. “She’s my sister! I’m sure we can save her, there’s gotta be a way!”

“I can’t take the chance! I’m ending her disease before it’s too late!” Dimentia flew the saucer to the sky, performed a U-turn, and drove directly to where the bubbles were coming from.

“SHERRYYYYYY!” The ship crashed into the sea, ramming the young Titan and pushing her away from the island and further into the depths. Carl watched as Dimentia warped above him. “SHERRY!” Carl rushed to one of the merkid ships-

Dimentia zapped him with a Starburst and knocked him out. “It’s been done.” she stated firmly. “There’s no point saving her. Even if you could… it’s best to just let her drown.” She turned to the remaining merkids and said, “Let’s return to his homeland. We have another ship there.”

Little did they know that, while the saucer had crushed little Sherry, a pink bubble of psychic energy could be seen glowing beneath the vessel. Sherry was safe inside it. Long after everyone left, the little giant marched her way back up the shore. Still coated with a candy body, she searched around. “Big Brother? Carl? Demtia? Where’d everyone go? I wanted ta eat some more with them…” The child fell on her back, gazing at the sun. “I’m lonely… Hi, Mr. Sun. Will you be my friend? Please, Mr. Sun…”

The sun seemed to move around in circles and lower down to Earth. Her face in awe, she watched as the sun grew a face. “Hi, Sherry!”

“Mr. Sun! Is it really you?!”

“It sure is me! Mr. Sun!”

“I’ll call you Prometheus!”

“Oh, well that’s fine, too. So, do ya like to play games, Sherry?”

“Let’s play Tag! I can’t play Tag with the other kids. I squish them.” She frowned sadly.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m made of fire and Psychic Chi! I can’t be squished!”

“Yay!”

However, within an hour of playing with a sun, the weather became too hot. “Haaaaah… it’s hooooot… I want the clouds to come… where are you, clouds… come cool me down…”

Then, a shade fell over the young Titan. She looked up, seeing a big, fluffy white cloud. “Hey, who’re you?!” Prometheus asked. “Get outta my way!”

“Hi, Sherry.” The cloud formed a face and a hat. “My name is Mr. Cloud. I’m here to cool you down.”

“Hi, Mr. Cloud! I’ll call you Zeus!”

“For a little girl, you really like Greek mythology.”

“Carl read me stories. Can we play more games?”

“Sure, Cherry! We can play games forever!”

Sherry spent the next several years playing with her new friends and exploring Candied Island. There was an unusual chamber with a stone block with strange writing, hidden within a complex cavern within Whole Cake Mountain. As Sherry grew older, she learned to practice with her psychic powers. She would form bubbles around herself and explore under the sugary ocean. They discovered a strange ship crashed within the sand, so she used her Titan strength to push it back to shore.

“Look what I found!”

“My, what an interesting fish.” Zeus said.

“It’s not a fish, silly, it’s a ship!” Prometheus replied.

“It’s like what the aliens had!” Sherry beamed. “They musta left it here. Maybe we should return it.”

The Titan could barely fit inside the saucer. Zeus observed the controls and began to push buttons with his stubby cloud arms. “There has to be some way to make this fly. Oh! Here we go!”

Before they knew it, the saucer was uplifting to the sky. Zeus got the hang of steering for a bit before flying even higher, and the ship sealed itself as they left the atmosphere. “The aliens gotta be around here somewhere.”

“I’m sure we’ll find them.” Zeus replied hopefully. “Maybe we can go faster. This button looks promising.” He pushed the hyperspace button.

After an undefined long time of flying, they eventually found their way to an alien planet. “CANDYYYYYY!” By this time, Sherry had grown unbearably hungry, the 10-year-old now rampaging through an unsuspecting town of yellow-skinned aliens. “CANDYYYYY!”

“Sherry, please!” Zeus bit her hair and tried to hold her back. “These weird people aren’t candy! Stop eating them, they’re trying to hit you!”

“CANDYYYYY!” Sherry barreled through the hail of bullets and grabbed the offensive citizens off the ground to munch them up.

The massacre was watched by a duo of pirates via telescopes. “Look at that beast! Is she an Amazon or something?”

“I dunno, but she’s tearin’ up that town like it’s nothing. …She’d be awful handy to have with us.”

“You can’t be serious!”

“She’s screaming ‘Candy,’ isn’t she?! Maybe if we give her some, she’ll listen to us! And maybe we can use her to get more…”

“CANDYYYYYY-ah? Candy?” A small ship hovered overhead and poured gallons of candy down. “CANDYYYYYY!” She gobbled it all up in seconds.

“I hope ya like it!” one of the pirates said. “That’s some of the tastiest candy on the planet!”

“Hey, you must be aliens!” Sherry faced them with a crescent grin. “Can you help me find Demtia?”

“Demtia? Er, of course we can! We’ll search the whole cosmos until we find him…her…whatever! And maybe we’ll pick up a few more tasty candies along the way, aye?” The pirate held up a list. “Eh, but first, how’s about we find ya a nice dress? That’n looks a bit too small for ya…”

And so, Sherry and her new friends visited planet after planet, decimating countless citizens and pillaging whatever exotic sweets they had to offer. “’Guess they’re not in this town!” the pirates cheered, chugging down green sodas. “Maybe we’ll have better luck in the next one!”

A few years later, a 13-year-old Sherry was bathing in a pool of chocolate, while 20 other pirates were relaxing on the shore and drinking soda. “Ah, it’s a Candy Pirate’s life for me!”

“Yo ho ho and a BOTTLE of gum!”

“And all thanks to our big, fluffy marshmallow!” proclaimed the captain. “You’re our little miracle, Sherby!”

“I’m a miracle?”

“Ya sure are! Why, keep this up and we’ll have ALL the candy in the universe!”

“All the candy… the universe… ahhh…” Sherry gazed up at the sky in a dreamy fashion. The universe was such a marvelous place, with so many sweet candies and fun people. It made Sherry sad… that he couldn’t be here. “I miss my brother.”

“Eh? Ye have a brother?”

“Is he a giant like you?”

“No, Big Brother is little. He and the mermaids and angels and little people helped beat King Malladus. He said they were all family. I didn’t get it because we didn’t have a family. Not after our parents were killed by Malladus. I wonder… if Big Brother is lonely.”

“Well, what planet does he live on?”

“I dunno. But I wanna find him again. And I wanna bring him a present. Maybe…Maybe I’ll bring an even bigger family. How do you make families?”

“Where to begin explainin’… y’see, when a man and woman love each other, they-”

“Don’t go tellin’ ’er that!” A pirate bonked his mate in the head. “She’s still a young’un! We’ll wait until she’s 19 or somethin’.”

Six more years passed, and the pirates finally decided it was time to tell Sherry about the beauties of intercourse. It was then Sherry could follow her next goal in life: returning to her brother with the best family he could ask for.

“Waaaaaah! Waaaaaah!” A 30-year-old Sherry had just given birth to a Goomba.

“It’s a boy!” the pirates declared.

“Aye, that makes her 26th child! I don’t know any beast what can reproduce like her!”

“Big Brother’s gonna be so happy! I think I have the biggest family in the whole universe!”

“Sherry, where do ya suppose we’re gonna keep all these young’uns? Our ships are running out of room, and we don’t ’ave enough candy to feed them all!”

“Oh, that’s easy. We’re all gonna live on the Candy Planet my brother read me about! Now, let’s find more people to have babies with!”

As the pirates continued raiding and terrorizing towns, Sherry captured more and more men for, what the pirates referred to as, her “multiracial sex dungeon.” A Glomourian, a Rito, a brave little Kateenian, Sherry continued to produce more babies, and the pirates had to invade more military bases to procure ships to carry them all. All the babies inherited Sherry’s Candy Virus, and because of this, it seemed as if the giant had given birth to a brand new species altogether. Furthermore, she was so powerful that she was made the captain of the ever-growing band of space pirates, now named the Linlin Pirates after her mother, and Sherry became an intergalactic criminal, worth roughly 83 billion.

“YOU!” Sherry shouted at a body of brown smoke. “You’re a creature I’ve never seen before! Give me a child!”

The body of smoke seemed to face at no one, and he remarked with a mischievous smile, “Well, no use turning down free candy! Huhuhuhahahaha!”

Four months later

The unstoppable giant who had consumed hundreds of towns, destroyed several fortresses, and produced more children than any known beast in the cosmos, now lay on her deathbed. The 65-year-old giant had contacted a disease more deadly than the two she already had, and her sugar-coated body was slowly rotting away. “Please don’t leave us, Sherry!” the pirates cried. “There’s so many candies we haven’t found, yet! There’s so much we haven’t seen!”

“MAMAAAAAA!” her children were crying tears of jelly. “Don’t die, Mama! Don’t diiiiieeeee!”

“Ch…Children… Please… find Carl… Tell him… I’ve created the most beautiful family… the most powerful family… and tell him we will keep growing… We will find the paradise… where everyone can be family…”

Her children grew up and continued their mother’s legacy. Centuries passed, millenniums, and her family divided into multiple branches. The children mated with races of all kinds, ensuring that one day, everyone could be part of the Linlin Family. Descendants of the Linlin Clan were defined by the Candy Virus still present in their veins, as well as Sherry’s Gigantism, for some of Sherry’s grandchildren were born quite large.

One of the family’s branches succeeded in finding Planet Earth, and that branch became known as the Core Family. It would create a tradition of finding the Eight Sugary Wonders and recreating the wondrous cake that was designed by Sherry’s brother. Some branches of the family abandoned their roots as pirates and settled down with members of their own race. The Candy Virus slowly became less noticeable, but it remained within the family’s genes, and signs of the virus still existed.

“GIVE ME PUDDING!” screamed Lala Stork as Bartie struggled to restrain her sister. “You promised pudding two hours ago! I’M HUNGRY!”

“OW!” She bit Bartie in the arm. “I’m sure Mom will be home in a few minutes, just calm down!”

…

“Coffee coffee coffee, coffee coffee coffee, COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE!” Cuppa Joe was speeding through a grocery store, destroying aisle after aisle. “WHERE IS THE BLASTED STARBUCKS?!”

“It’s right behind you!” yelled a bagger.

“Oh, thank you. COFFEEEEE!”

…

“SPINACH DONUTS!” screamed Gramma Stuffum, wolfing down all the donuts in a pastry shop. “VHERE ARE ZE SPINACH DONUTS?!”

“W-W-W-We don’t have those, Ma’am!”

“Give me ze spinach donuts or Gramma will inflate your body with SHEEP BONES!”

…

“FRUIT TAAAAAAARTS!” Jasminka Antonenko was bound by chains as Amanda and Constanze were trying to pull her back. “You said they had fruit taaaaarts!”

“Jasminka, I’m sorry, it was just a rumor I heard!” Akko shouted. “Look, we’ll go out and buy you some! Diana, can’t you just magic some up?!”

“You can’t just create food out of thin air, it’s part of the ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ of magic. You would need to summon them from somewhere else, and that would be illegal-”

“FRUIT TAAAAAAAARRRRRTS!”

“Forget the law, just GET SOME!” Hannah panicked, she and Barbara hiding behind Diana.

“Before she eats us!”

…

MaKayla King was sound asleep in her room. As her arm hung over the bed, Lola Stork creaked open her door and approached her with ravenous eyes. “MaKayla’s blood… MaKayla’s blood… MaKayla’s blood…”

“OUCH! GOD DAMMIT, LOLA!”

But even as some members divided from the family, the Linlins vowed that their ancestor would return. Technology and sorcery would evolve to where they would finally find a way to revive Queen Sherry, and show her the paradise they had discovered.

Present era; close to Glacia

“CLIFFSICLLLLLLLES!” Queen Sherry furiously banged on the massive door to her quarters. “CLIFFSICLLLLLES!”

“Please calm down, Your Majesty.” Zeus pled. “Minister Goomnut, how long until we get to Glacia?!”

“We’re entering the atmosphere now!” replied a Goomba that was shaped like a chestnut. “Ugh, damn that Buu, having to ask about Planet Freakin’ Glacia. This is seriously going to compromise our voyage to Avalar!”

“CLIFFSICLLLLLES!” The flying galleon known as the Queen Mama Chanter was sailing toward a colossal cliff, whose frosty red exterior greatly contrasted with Glacia’s fields of white. “CLIFFSICLLLLLES!” Queen Sherry rode her trusty raincloud, Zeus across the frosty fields.

“Oh, no! The Kids Next Door are already on us!” Prometheus panicked as icicle ships were flying their direction.

“Concentrate all fire on the giant lady riding a cloud! That’s not a sentence you hear everyday, so make it count!” Icicles flew toward the Titan like missiles, but they were easily melted by Prometheus’s flames.

“SUN VOLLEY!” The queen jumped and bashed the sun like a volleyball, destroying three ships while the remaining two sped after the Titan. Sherry hissed and threw tiny psychic balls at the ships, and the operatives were frightened when their controls grew faces.

“Eject button~ Eject button~”

“Autopilot~ Autopilot~”

“WAAAAAAH!” The Glacian operatives inevitably crashed.

“There it is!” Sherry exclaimed with madness in her eyes. “THE GLACIAN CLIFFSICLE!” The queen jumped off her cloud and crashed on the frozen ground before the great red cliffs.

“Legend has it,” Prometheus began with a smile, “the Cliffsicles migrate around the continent for years before finally melting under the perfect sunspot. Too bad they never counted on a migrating sun. Haaaaaah…” He ignited himself as the cliffs emitted steam.

The great cherry cliffs melted and washed Sherry away in a great stream of red. “MAAAAAA mamaaaaaaa!” She stretched her gawking mouth and swallowed drums worth of juice. “Cherry popsicles! My absolute 12th favorite sweet!”

“Hey, Mama, wasn’t there a town back there?” Zeus asked.

“Oh, they’ll be alright. …Hang on, what are we even doing out here?!” Sherry asked, casually floating by some floating, unconscious yeti. “Goomnut!” Her minister had come down on a Lakitu cloud. “Why aren’t we on Avalar?!”

“We had a slight delay, Your Majesty.” Goomnut replied awkwardly.

“Buu want to play in juice, too!” yelled a pudgy pink alien with a purple cape and antenna. “Buice want juu!”

“No! We must get to Avalar before the Glacian KND have a chance to alert them! Nnngh, after this detour, I hope for their sake, those witches don’t disappoint Her Majesty’s expectations.”

“MONSTER!” The river of cherry was frozen solid, and Queen Sherry along with it. The subordinates looked as a massive yeti burst out of the ice. “You drowned my village! I WILL MOUNT YOUR HEAD ON MY WALL!” The yeti conjured a large red ice javelin and chucked it at the Titan, but Sherry broke free of the ice as the javelin shattered against her.

“DON’T RUIN MY CHERRY!” The queen scrambled to her feet and charged at the yeti. The beast panicked and unleashed more ice, but it was countered by Prometheus’s flames. The Titan leapt high over the flames and cracked the ice beside the yeti. “SOUL POCUS!”

“YAAAAAAHHH!” When Sherry swiped her hand through the yeti, she grabbed hold of a pink, spiritual mist.

“So, then… how many years of your life should I take?” Sherry asked with a wicked grin, the yeti choking as she clung to his soul. “Twenty…thirty… How long do yeti live, anyway?”

“Your Majesty, more ships are coming!” Goomnut shouted.

“Dammit! I’ll just take the whole lot.” Sherry yanked the soul out as the yeti dropped dead. “Buu, destroy them!” She jumped back onto Zeus and rode back to the ship.

“Okay, Grandma! SWEET BEAM!” Buu shot homing lasers from his antenna and struck the icicle ships, turning them into popsicles.

“What the heck?!” cried one of the Glacians. “I-I can’t steer the ship!”

“POPSICLLLLES!” Buu flew for the flying sweets with a stretched, gaping mouth.

“MAYDAY, MAYDAY! We’re about to be eaten by a pink creature! Call for backup, call for—” The line went dead, and there was static.

“The number you have dialed has been eaten by a pink marshmallowy thing.”

FYI, adult Sherry is voiced by Ursula from Little Mermaid. And yes, those were the Titans from Attack on Titan; I think the original Big Mom was heavily inspired from those behemoths. Next time, we’ll meet our protagonists for this story, and we’ll get a look at Sweet Paradise!

Chapter Text

Time to introduce our side-plots!

Luna Nova Academy

Classes had ended for today at Luna Nova, so now the students were engaged in either homework or leisurely activities. The academy’s protectors, Sector LN were resting under their favorite tree by the sports field.

“Mmmmm… Fruit tarts.” Jasminka’s mouth was a paradise as the sweets made the journey down her throat.

“Well, it costed a detention, but at least you’re happy, Jasminka.” Amanda told her.

“Honestly, didn’t your Negative teach you how to restrain yourself?” Diana asked.

“Hey, she’s been working real hard at restraining herself. And that’s why she deserves a reward.” Amanda scratched Jasminka’s belly, earning a giggle from her pudgy friend.

“Aaaaahh.” Atsuko Kagari sighed as she hugged a paper to her chest. “Can you believe the universe was almost destroyed again yesterday? Now the sky is bright and shiny!”

“What are you holding there?” Lotte asked.

“The KND’s Top 10 Sectors.” Akko showed them. “Can you believe we already made the #2 spot?! And it’s all thanks to you, Lotte! Picking up that World Ring was the best thing you’ve ever done! I mean, after bringing me to Luna Nova, of course.”

“Heheheh.” The spectacled witch flushed. “It’s a shame that I didn’t get to keep my powers, though. We could’ve spent the rest of our lives exploring our favorite stories.”

“Anyway, our next goal will be to surpass Sector SD!” Akko spoke rigorously. “Because once we do, THAT will be when we challenge Sector V to a duel!”

“Still on about that?” Diana asked.

“Of course I am! I’m excited to have my rematch with Sheila!”

“You know, why’s it always gotta be about fighting, anyway?” Amanda asked, one leg propped over the other. “Can’t we just have a good old-fashioned race or dance-off?”

“You’re not the one who gets to ask that question.” Hannah replied.

“Mmm.” Constanze nodded.

“So, let’s start thinking about what to do for our next mission.” Akko declared. “Maybe we’ll go explore another new planet.”

“Can we hold off on that?” Diana asked. “We just got done invading and escaping Bowser’s fortress. I’d like to allow more time to meditate before I decide to pursue danger.”

“You’re such a worry wart, Diana.”

Alas, little did the little witches know that danger was already on its way. The Queen Mama Chanter was nearing Avalar’s atmosphere. “This should be the region where Luna Nova is located.” Goomnut explained.

“Ma ma ma… Good.” Great Grandma formed a crescent smirk, filled with excitement. “It’s time to see if that school is worth its weight!”

Earth KND Moonbase

“Numbuh 3621, the Hyrulean KND operatives are here.” Larry MayHence reported.

“Good.” Supreme Leader Cheren Uno stood up from his desk. “Time to see what this is all about.”

A ship designed with Hyrulean Sheikah Tech had made land inside the hangar. Gon Freecss and Killua Zoldyck were the first to step off, and were met by Panini Drilovsky. “Heya, Gon.” she greeted her Field Day partner.

“Hi, Panini! Long time, no see! Been up to anything?”

“Eh, nothing interesting. What about ya?”

“Oh, I suffered a terrible injury that was causing my body to decay, but thanks to Killua, I’m okay!”

“Oh… interesting.”

“So, who was this special Drill Sergeant that wanted to meet me?” Cheren asked, approaching the hangar.

Gon and Killua stepped aside as a girl entered the treehouse. She was 12 years old with golden hair in pigtails, and pink eyes that matched her dress and slip-on shoes. “Cheren McKenzie Uno, the holder of the Master Sword, is that correct?”

“Yep.” Cheren drew the Master Sword as proof. “I’m the one and only descendant of Link. …Er, uh, along with my two siblings and cousins, hehe. But I’M the one and only Master Sword wielder!”

“Hm! My name is Biscuit Krueger! Call me Bisky.” She offered a hand to him.

“It’s nice to meet you, Bisk-” The minute Cheren took the hand, he was blown 20 feet across the room.

“ARREST HER!” The guards drew their weapons and trained them on the Hyrulean.

“Ya got a lot of nerve attacking OUR leader!” Panini grabbed her by the shirt and lit her other fist aflame. “Who do you think you are?!”

“Relax, Panini, I’m not hurt.” Cheren assured as he helped himself up. “Heh, was that supposed to be some kind of playful shove?”

“More or less. So, could you please tell this rabbit girl to let me go?”

“You heard her, Panini.”

“But… sigh.” Panini complied, and Bisky walked around her and toward Cheren. The guards decided to lower their weapons.

“Mr. Uno, I’ve heard a great deal about you.” Bisky began with hands on her hips. “You defeated Majora, you defeated Viridi, King Andrew, and even Ganondorf. And since you are descended from the great Link, I shouldn’t be surprised. But now that I get a good look at you…” she touched a knuckle to her chin in thought, “I’m kind of disappointed.”

“Aw, I’m sorry.” Cheren frowned in sarcasm. “I’ll refund you the 0 Rupees you paid to watch me.”

“Very funny. But word on the Internet is that you’ve kinda been set back a few years. You have no bending and you lost three years worth of aging.”

“Well, it’s a lot better than dying.”

“Cheren, you’ve gotten a lot of popularity votes on the KND website, but in my personal opinion, you’re a cheater. A cheater that relies too much on power-ups to win battles. Now, I know you aren’t the only one—frankly, ALL the Firstborn Guardians are guilty of this sin. But be honest with me, if I decided to fight you right now, one-on-one, who do you think would win?”

“Look, where are you going with this?”

“You may have heard of me, but I’m a Drill Sergeant on my planet, as well as a Haki teacher.” Bisky smiled proudly. “I’m the one who taught Haki to Gon and Killua. And I’m sure your rabbit-haired friend can agree that I did a good job.” She turned to Panini, who growled in anger. “And that’s why I’m offering you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to train under me!”

“If I wanted to learn Haki, I’ll just ask Maddy to teach me.”

“UNACCEPTABLE!” Cheren jumped back in fright at her shout. “If you just let one of your friends teach you, you’ll never learn. You need a REAL teacher who can push you beyond your limits! My sources say that villain attacks on your organization have gotten worse. If that’s true, they’ll need more than a depowered Supreme Leader to survive. If you want to call yourself their leader, you need the willpower to prove it.”

“And what does it matter to you?”

“Well, I get the biggest reward of all: I get the honor of teaching Link’s latest incarnation the art of Haki!” Her eyes sparkled like stars. “Can you imagine how FAMOUS that’s gonna make me?!”

“Look, Princess,” Panini stated, “why don’t you take your Haki and head on back to Hyrule? Our Supreme Leader is fine just the way he is, and he’s already got someone to push him, and her name is-”

“Alright, I’ll do it.”

Panini gawked at his response. “Ya…Ya what?”

“I’ll let you teach me Haki, Biscuit.”

“It’s Bisky. But I’m glad you’ve accepted my proposal!” She offered a hand to him.

“You going to push me again?”

“No, not this time, just take it.”

Cheren giggled and took the hand. “YOWCH, YAAAH!” Bisky began squeezing it.

“Your first test is escaping my grip!”

“Hnnnnnnrrrrrrrr!” Cheren planted his feet against the girl and tried desperately to push himself away from her.

“Ten…nine…eight…seven… six five four three two one.” She let go, causing Cheren to fall. “You failed. Your make-up exam will be a thousand push-ups by tomorrow. When you’re done with those,” she slipped him a map, “come to this location on Planet Hyrule. I’ll be able to tell if you’re lying, by the way.” With a knowing smile, the sergeant returned to the hangar.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to her!” Gon assured, he and Killua following.

“I bet he’ll crack in a day.” Killua smirked.

“Eh, I’ll give it at least a week.”

Luna Nova

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

“Oh, man, an emergency?” Akko asked in annoyance as their wristwatches were beeping.

“Let’s hurry to the base and see what it is.” Diana suggested, getting up.

“Hold on, I hear something else.” Amanda said, looking up at the sky. “Look! It’s some kind of ship!” She took out some binoculars to better make out the vessel. “It looks like it’s got icing on it. And… there’s a face?!”

“FLAGSHIP~ FLAGSHIP~ FLAGSHIP~”

“What’s that noise?” Nearby students heard the singing and faced up in curiosity. The other operatives shared the binoculars to see it.

“Hey… that ship looks kinda familiar…” Akko said worriedly.

“It…It can’t be.” Lotte spoke in horror. “Are they the Big Mom Pirates?!”

“You think they found out about Diana?!” Amanda asked.

“Metamorphie Faciesse!” Akko zapped Diana with her wand and turned her into a yellow-green mouse. “You two, hide her!” She tossed Diana into Hannah and Barbara’s care, the former stuffing her friend in her shirt pocket.

“HEY, EVERYONE!” Wangari cried for all the students’ attention. “There’s a giant ship in the sky! It looks like it’s made of candy!”

“Don’t just stand around, everyone get back inside!” Professor Nelson ordered.

“Akko, I think we should go inside and call for backup!” Lotte suggested.

“Relax, Lotte!” Akko smirked, readying her wand. “We fought them off before, I’m prepared for ANYTHING they throw at us!”

At that moment, a shadowed mass leapt off the deck of the ship and was plummeting to the planet like a meteor. It felt as if the entire world shook when the Titaness queen set foot on the school grounds. In that brief moment when Sector LN was propelled into the air, time moved in slow-motion as the color drained from their bodies, fear and dread overcoming them.

In that moment…In that terrible moment… we knew… home was a pen… Humanity: cattle. Lotte thought to herself.

As soon as they felt the world shake, the entire school was outside, gaping at the sight of the Titan. Queen Sherbet Linlin stretched back to full height, looking down at the grounded witches with Goomnut on her shoulder. “Sooooo…” Her enormous mouth stretched into a drooling grin, her narrowed eyes fixed on Akko. “You’re the little witch who smashed Jaune Pringle.”

“E-e-e-e-e-e-e…” Akko forced a weak smile, her pupils and irises shrinking beyond sight out of pure fear. “W-W-W-W-Well…” Her jittering arms crossed and pointed at the others. “They did most of the work.”

“YOU’RE SELLING US OUT?!” the seven screamed.

Sherry’s mighty hand SMASHED Akko into the ground. “AKKO!” Amanda screamed.

The fingers enveloped the Japanese witch, but rather than pick Akko off the ground, Great Grandma was holding a pink spirit shaped like Akko. The soul was attached to its body, Akko choking as Grandma squeezed it in her hand. Goomnut examined the witch. “Her name is Atsuko Kagari, Power Level 1,230. She is remarkably talented with Metamorphosis, but she suffers from Magic Deficiency, meaning her Magic Chi is sufficiently lower than average.”

“Magic Deficiency? MAH! I flew all this way for a broken witch?!”

Akko stopped struggling, perking up at this remark. “Who the HECK are you calling a broken witch?!” And she yanked her soul back with one vigorous tug. “For your information, I wield the most powerful wand in the country! See?!” She raised her prized possession skyward. “The Shiny Rod!”

Don’t just show that off, you idiot! Diana thought in panic.

“Its real name is the Claiomh Solais.” Goomnut examined. “One of the legendary Ancient Wands that few mages are able to wield. That’s quite honestly impressive.”

“Indeed.” The queen grinned. “A wand of THAT value shouldn’t belong to a waste of a witch.”

“QUIT CALLING ME A WASTE, YOU DUMB HAG!”

Almost everyone in the school wanted to die in that moment. “You are truly hopeless… Miss Kagari…” Professor Badcock choked.

With a soulless expression, Queen Sherry snapped her right fingers. The sun, Prometheus grew into a raging flame as it brushed the school’s surrounding forest, transforming it into a burning wasteland. “Now, what was that you said… My Dear?” The queen’s mad, grinning visage filled Akko’s heart with even more dread. The raincloud Zeus grew to block the sky, so only the flames highlighted Her Majesty’s form.

“Uhhhhh… w-w-what I meant to say was… What’s your favorite animal?”

Another unseen blow struck the school. Akko was digging her grave ever so deeper, and they had no intention of going with her. “My… favorite animal? …Well, since you asked, I’ve always been partial to the Pegasus!”

“Then get ready!” Akko grabbed her other wand and called, “Metamorphie Faciesse!” In a poof, she transformed into a winged horse.

Grandma stared at the mythical animal with interest. Everyone’s hearts raced anxiously, anticipating terrible consequences. “But that isn’t all! I’m also a Snow Hippo!” She poofed into a white, fluffy hippo whilst her witch hat became a top-hat. “Not good enough?! How ’bout an Ele-Peacock?!” She became an elephant with a colorful feathered tail, marching around her friends as she flaunted her tail and blew her trunk. However, her trunk inflated, and it morphed into the mouth of a toad with a crane’s legs. Akko stumbled on her legs due to the weight of her mouth, and when she fell over, she poofed into a starfish and got back to her feet as she started tap-dancing.

Queen Sherry watched with a blank expression. Minister Goomnut watched with a blank expression. Zeus and Prometheus were also blank. The Luna Nova students and staff were pretty sure they were going to die. Akko then changed back to normal, grabbed the Shiny Rod, and declared, “Arae Aryrha!” flashing as she turned into a centaur with pointy ears. “Now watch as I unleash the stars! Shiny ARC!” The Shiny Rod transformed into a bow and launched an arrow of light, piercing Zeus’s body and filling the sky with sparkles!

Once the show was over, Akko poofed back to normal and gasped for breath. “Sigh, and that was just a preview! Heh heh heh!”

Silence followed again. They were surprised that Akko wasn’t dead, yet. It was only a matter of time before the queen signed her sentence. “I KNEW IT!” the queen thundered, scaring Akko out of her cheeriness. With fury in her eyes, Grandma declared, “You are everything… that I HOPED you would be!” And Prometheus filled the sky with light as joy filled her heart.

“HUUUUUUH?!” The witches couldn’t take any more surprises.

“Eh… beg pardon?” Akko blinked.

“I have thousands of wizards and witches living on Sweetopia! My grandson, Buu is a genie, and yet, their forms of magic are so utterly BORING! None of them compared to the wonder and beauty of the Fairy Sisters. Their show took my breath away! But no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t force them to come to my birthday party. They made Fairy World untraceable. I thought I would never find people to replace them… so I turned to YouTube and searched for magic shows held on Avalar. It was surprisingly difficult because magic was such a common art that magic shows were irrelevant. And then…”

The queen had her head propped on her arm in boredom as Goomnut scrolled through videos. “The 1600th Samhain Festival: The Best One Yet.” This video depicted Akko, Lotte, and Sucy making a joke out of a hideous blob monster, and everyone laughing. It seemed to conclude when this beast transformed into a beautiful pink-haired princess. Queen Sherry found herself smiling during the show.

“Missile Destroyed By Two Witches.” This video depicted Akko and Diana destroying a demonic missile and filling the sky with stars. It was so beautiful that Sherry desperately wished she were there.

“For the first time iiiiiinnn foreveeeeerrrr!” Sherry was now watching the Disney commercial featuring Akko and Jasminka.

“I can’t describe it, but there was something… strange about you. Something that I enjoyed. And yet, I could barely find any information about you, other than that you were in Kids Next Door and you attended Luna Nova. I wanted control of this school in the hopes to breed witches of your caliber. And now that I’m seeing you in person… there’s no denying it!” With a massive grin, Sherry clasped Akko in both hands and raised her in the sky. “You have such a wonderful soul! It feels so warm and delightful! I can’t think of any other witch or wizard who even came CLOSE to dazzling me like the Fairy Sisters!”

“W-Wait a sec! Are you saying… you’re a fan… of me?”

“Am I dreaming?” Amanda asked. “Please tell me I’m dreaming.”

“Oh, I believe I am! You are a rare gem, a diamond in the rough!” The queen danced in place, whirling Akko around. “You’re everything I desire in a mage!”

“Heh heh heh heh! Oh, I’m nothing really, Your Majesty.” Akko blushed in earnest. “My friends are a lot better than I am.”

“NO WE’RE NOT!” Han and Barb cried in unison, preferring if this monster not be focused on them. “Atsuko’s the best, she’s a marvel at magic!”

“Pipe down, you two!” Diana ordered. “I mean, squeak!”

“Majin Buu!” Sherry released Akko and snapped her fingers. “The treats!”

The pudgy pink Majin lowered down. “Okay, Grandma! Bibidi Babidi BUU!” His antenna flashed as tables of cakes and sweets poofed around the Nine Witches.

“Congratulations!” exclaimed the queen with open arms. “You’ve earned last night’s leftovers!”

“I can’t believe this is happening!” Professor Finnelan said in royal shock.

“AKKO, DON’T!” Professor Ursula cried. “IT’S PROBABLY POISON!”

“MMMM, this cake is AMAZING!” Akko beamed as she wolfed down a chunk of chocolate cake, her face and hands a mess.

“I’m not detecting any poison in here!” Jasminka was delightfully gobbling a small mountain of donuts.

“Grrrrr! What are you trying to pull here?!” Amanda demanded.

“Her Majesty speaks in total earnest!” Goomnut replied. “You should be extremely grateful. The queen almost never leaves her palace, and she scarcely lets anyone eat her leftovers.”

Hannah exchanged a glance with Barbara before nervously reaching for a scone. “Scone~ Scone~ Scone~” It grew a face and sang.

“EEEK!” The cowardly pair hugged each other.

“Might as well enjoy a meal while we still have life.” Sucy figured.

“So, does this mean you aren’t mad about me smashing that Jaune guy?” Akko asked, her friends panicking at her utter obliviousness.

“Oh, I don’t really care about that.” Sherry replied passively, picking her nose. “He’s a Mushroomian, they’re used to getting squished. Hah, I’ve lost count of how many times I stepped on Goomnut!”

“Y-Yes, Your Majesty.” The Goomba blushed.

As Zeus began to rain around the forest and put out the fire, Goomnut jumped off the queen and approached Jasminka. “Just as I suspected.” The girls turned to him curiously. “Jasminka Tea Antonenko gains strength from rapid consumption, but will perish of extreme hunger otherwise. Without doubt, you possess the Sweet Gene.”

“The Sweet Gene?” Amanda asked.

“It means that she is a descendant of Her Majesty as well. Signs of the Sweet Gene include pink hair, pink eyes, but most notably a constant craving. Of course, not all of us share the same qualities.”

He must be a Tattle user like Goombella. Lotte thought.

“Ma ma ma! My pirates have raided many magic schools for their treasure, but Luna Nova is by far my FAVORITE!” Queen Sherry proclaimed. “I can’t wait until this school is under my control!”

“I know, isn’t this the most wonderful school ever?!” Akko exclaimed after swallowing her 4th cupcake.

“It CERTAINLY is! So wonderful that it will make the Fairy Sisters JEALOUS!” Sherry raised her fist as passion burned in her eyes, and Zeus struck lightning.

“Uh… Jealous?”

The queen whipped her finger at Akko and declared, “I finally get to have my 66th birthday in 5,000 years! On February 15, you will perform a magic show even GREATER than the Fairy Sisters’! They will RUE the day they refused to accept my invitation!”

“Hehehe… I’m flattered, Your Majesty, really, but I don’t think I’m anywhere near the Fairy Sisters’-”

“Magic show… or… LIIIIIIIFE?” Her eyes turned soulless as pink flames brimmed around her.

“Eh-! What I meant to say was… YEAH! Just wait, Your Majesty!” Akko spoke with enthusiasm. “I’ll give you a magic show so great, it’ll make the fairies CRY!”

“OH, I CAN’T WAIT! Buu, give them the invitations!”

The Majin cast more beams from his antennas, granting the eight witches letters with Big Mom’s seal. “These letters contain chi from Grandma’s soul.” Goomnut explained. “With them, you’ll be able to bypass the blockade surrounding Sweetopia. However, I think we deserve a share of soul in return, Your Majesty.”

“Ah, yes, of course. I believe I’ll take, ehhh…” Sherry wagged her finger as she examined the witches before setting her sights on- “YOU!” Hannah and Barbara.

“AAAAAHH!” The two screamed as pink mist emerged from their bodies and Queen Sherry grabbed it. The energy severed from their bodies as the queen slurped it into her mouth. Leaving Han and Barb pale-skinned, the queen leapt onto Zeus and returned to the sky. “I’ve taken 50 years of their lifespan. Give me a good show and maybe I’ll give it back. Alright, Buu, let’s find a town with lots of candy! See you girls in a month, ma ma ma!”

“Grandma, if Magic Girl gives a bad show, can Buu eats them?”

“Of course you can, Buu, they’ll make delightful sweets!”

“YAY! Witches get to be in Buu’s tummy!” The genie faced down at them with a sweet smile. “Make sure to eat lots and lots, witches! WHEEEEE!” And he flew after his queen.

Within the next few minutes, the Queen Mama Chanter turned to the sky and zipped into hyperspace. A dead silence continued to shroud Luna Nova. “…Did that seriously just happen?” Amanda asked.

“YAAAAAY!” Akko cheered. “Luna Nova’s going to be okay! And all I have to do is create an even BIGGER magic show than the Fairy Sisters!”

It was no secret that everyone in the school lost all hope for survival. Some were whispering, “She’s only gonna kill Akko, right?” “I think it’s time to change schools.” “What’s going to happen to us?!”

“. . . . . . Oh God, I only have a month to live.” Akko broke down and started crying. “This is the end! I’m going to die, I’m going to die! Sniff, sniff…”

Florae Galaxy (Play “Try Everything At the Buffet” by Thadudette!)

The Queen Mama Chanter was sailing back into the atmosphere of its homeworld: a very vibrant and colorful planet that looked so sweet, you would just wanna eat it. This very planet was a realm that Candy Pirates sought for generations, and it was where the Linlin Family had long called home. Races from all across the universe were welcomed to this delicious paradise.

Queen Sherry jumped off the flagship and rode Zeus across the world. A song was echoing across the planet, sung by all the smiling, sentient objects born from the hearts of people, including Zeus and Prometheus their selves.

The seas were completely composed of soda, juice, milk, and a mixture of all beverages from across the world. As Queen Sherbet soared on her flying nimbus, she beamed at all the happy Fishmen, mermen, Zoras, Lochladies, and Drophyds that raced along the surface. The aquatic creatures gasped when a force lifted them up, for a group of giant merkids decided to carry them on their backs.

Queen Sherry flew to Ice Cream Mountain, watching as Anouki, Bumpties, Shiverians, Glacians, and yeti slid down the colorful slopes, in which the giant ones had a headstart. Zeus flew close to the sherbet mountain so Her Majesty could brush her great tongue against the surface, taking a big gulp. Now, she was soaring over Lollipop Forest, where a giant Mobian rabbit girl was hopping along happily, rode by a Kikwi, Deku, Korok, and a large Minish with smaller Minish. Past the forest was Jam City, where Toads, Duros, Glomourians, goblins, Koopas, and Hylians went about their jammin’ business!

Pop Gum Bob-ombs were working at the Big Mom bases, producing more cannon jawbreakers and Sweet Bills by the hour. The Nimbi, Rito, Majins, and wizards were flying happily amongst the Cotton Clouds, in which Her Majesty swooped by and bit off a chunk of a singing cloud. People were diving into the great Flurp Falls, waterfalls composed of all kinds of Flurp! When people sought knowledge, they went to visit the Smartie Library, which offered Smarties to increase their brainpower; a much splendid treat for the Terachnoids, Kateenians, and robots (whom were programmed with tastebuds).

Of course, not all of this wondrous land was free: Liquor Island was strictly prohibited for kids under 21, as ordered by Minister Pawtucket Pat. As for the adults, the Chumba-Wumbas would happily serve them all the wine they pleased! There was so much love, variety, and diversity that Great Grandma couldn’t help but dance! From the chocolate volcanoes, the Caramel Canyons, Donut Towers, to even her Whole Cake Chateau! There were so many wonderful sweets to go around!

But who said only sweets made up Sweetopia? There was just as much fun taking place in Meatropolis, where millions relished in organically produced burgers, steaks, and sausages. Milky Heights was toured by all who sought the excitement of pizza pools, milk fountains, and cheese canyons. There were forests and jungles made of fruits and vegetables, though it would be a stretch to say they were as fresh as the ones in Flora. Regardless, there was surely food to fit anyone’s diet! It was truly a paradise where everyone could be happy!

Avalar; Buttertown

Citizens ran in fear as Rango sent his saws to chase them. Harriet threw bombs with her ponytails and destroyed several buildings while Spewart melted them with his poison. Six Sky Chomps were hauling the landmark of town, the Butterbeer Tower, with their chains, adding more and more force before the tower was ripped out of the ground. Madame Broode told her Broodals it was time to leave, so they rushed to return to their wedding ships.

Flora; Maple Grove

Majin Buu flew headfirst into a fleet of flying Kikwi craft, turning hundreds into delectable candies. Five giant Kikwis leapt from the ground to stab the fluffy Majin with spears, but Buu felt no pain as he zapped the warriors with magic lightning. “Buu tired of playing. Buu take your syrup now.” His ship, the Marshmallow Majin, began slurping syrup up from the forest via a powerful vacuum. The ship was pink with inflatable marshmallows at its base, and a figurehead that depicted Buu’s sweet face.

Hyrule; Sweikah Mountain

The Sweikah were a sub-race of Sheikah with pink hair. The shadowed guards of the sacred temple were being felled one by one by an unknown assassin. As soon as Hisoka Morow was at the temple entrance, Sweikah rushed him. His arms stretched like gum as he sliced the ninjas with bladed cards.

Outside, a hundred Sheikah Guardians were surrounding the commander, a green-haired woman in white clothing, cape, and a mask. The woman transformed into a massive sphinx, enduring the Guardians’ lasers as she sliced them all with her claws, leaving them as nothing more than pieces of scrap. Her ship, the Ivory Castle, bore the figurehead of a sphinx, was ivory-colored, and the cabin looked like a castle.

Mushroom World; Bubblaine

The Cheep Cheeps and Bubblainians were drunk and dizzy, due to their entire coast having become infected with alcohol. This left no opposition for the Chumba-Wumbas to slurp as much Sparkle Fizz into their containers as they pleased. An orange-haired man with a top-hat designed like a beer can twirled his cane and tipped his hat with a smile. His ship, the Drunken Clam, whose figurehead resembled a clam with dizzy eyes, and had pipes of beer flowing around it, apparently serving as the ship’s gas, returned to the sky with its engines burning.

Mobius; Red Mountain

A horde of Gorons were rolling against a horde of Mobian hedgehogs, and the stone beings easily bowled over the animals. These Gorons were chocolate-colored and had cake-shaped heads. “You lesser animals are NOTHING before my Pound Cake Platoon!” declared General Tsao, a Cucco Rito in samurai armor. “Red Mountain’s meat will be ours before long, Lord Taco.”

“Bueno!” Lord Taco was a giant Tostarenan; a humanoid with a macabre skull head, spinning flower eyes, a sombrero fit with hot sauce bottles, and a cape that looked like a taco. His ship, the Gran Picante, fittingly looked like a giant taco, with churro cannons. He was swinging churro maracas and dancing. “Nothing spicier than molten magma! Nothing make us sweatier! We gonna dance ’til our bones break, amigo!”

Sweetopia

A ship was approaching the atmosphere of Sweetopia. A coughdrop vessel approached it as the face peeped into the window. The guests presented their invitations, and when the ships felt Great Grandma’s soul radiating from it, they moved aside to allow entry.

The ship made land in Whole Cake Capital. A group consisting of Gramma Stuffum, Cuppa Joe, Mother Mae-Eye, Mr. Jelly (without his Knightbrace disguise), Lunch Lady, and their underlings stepped off to observe the singing capital.

Inside of a singing church, people were happily stepping up to the preacher, a pink female Boo. The Boo was pulling small soul balls from their hearts and placing them in a basket. In return, the Nimbi guards gave them a blood-red candy.

As the world of objects were concluding their song, Queen Sherry returned to her throne. The pink Priestess Boos flew up to her with baskets of souls, and the queen delightfully slurped them into her nose with one great whiff. She lovingly touched a hand to her diamond heart, which was warmed by today’s collection of souls. And yet, none of them felt as warm as the little witch’s soul. She couldn’t wait for her birthday.

Another ship made land, and Lala Stork stepped off. The three-eyed girl turned to her family and said with a sweet smile, “Welcome to Sweetopia!”

Hisoka and Bisky are from Hunter X Hunter like Gon and Killua, and she was foreshadowed in World Rings if you recall. Pawtucket Pat is from Family Guy, Cassiopea is from Ni no Kuni, and Buu is from Dragon Ball Z. Next time, we’re going to explore Sweetopia a bit more!

Chapter Text

Any scene that includes the Big Mom Pirates makes me incredibly hungry, and this story is no exception. XD

Sweetopia

“I don’t believe this place! This is a nightmare!” Mr. Jelly said as the Brotherhooders explored the town of Whole Cake. “We need to get these people to the Dentist Planet pronto!”

“What I can’t believe is that you’re actually RELATED to that hag.” Cuppa Joe replied. “Then again, you do go a little crazy at the sound of taffy.”

“T-T-T-T-T-T-TAFFY?!” The dentist panicked.

“CHEW IT!” Lunch Lady shoved a steak into his mouth. “It’s a damn good thing we’re all related, because this is the closest the Brotherhood will come to setting foot on this planet!”

“Ixnay on the hotherbood.” Joe replied. “As long as we’re here, let’s collect as much info on this queen as we can. My only concern is if KND operatives will be there, too.”

Meanwhile, Lala Stork rented a Lakitu Tour Cloud. She, her brother Bartie, his wife Virginia, and their kids Terry and Lola rode the cloud across Fryburg, a town of French fry buildings. “Fryburg is merely a small, salty piece of paradise!” Lala began, using a microphone for effect. “As you can plainly see, every object and piece of land on Sweetopia is edible. Anything can fill your tummy on this planet, therefore nobody goes hungry. Technology and electrical items are baked with dough used for Electro Cookies, popular pastries for Birkan Nimbi. For currency, we have Chocolate Coins wrapped in either gold, bronze, or platinum foil, depending on their taste. The more valuable coins or items are, the tastier they are, but then you won’t have them.”

“Why would we do that when we can eat anything else?” Lola asked.

“Everybody has unique tastes, Lola.” Lala smiled, winking her forehead eye.

“Is that why you pirates still steal candy from everywhere else?” Terry asked smugly.

“But of course! Every candy in every country or world has its own exotic taste and flavor. And although you can eat anything here, most of the landscape tastes awful with everyone’s feet marching over it, and the fact that this planet is millions of years old. Food tastes a lot better when it’s cooked by hand or by oven.”

“POTATOOOEEES!” The five whipped to their left as a giant girl tore the roof off a restaurant. The 18-year-old giant had light-gold eyes and brown hair in a ponytail, along with a green sweater, black pants with a silver belt, a brown jacket with Big Mom’s Jolly Roger, and brown boots. As madness filled her eyes, she dug her hand into the restaurant, grabbing a handful of screaming potatoes and throwing them into her mouth. As she munched them into mush, she mumbled, “These aren’t Sweikah Potatoes. NONE of these are Sweikah Potatoes.” After taking a big swallow, she rose to full height and bellowed, “WHEN CAN I HAVE MY SWEIKAH POTATOOOEEEEES?!”

“Oh, don’t mind her.” Lala said. “She’s our cousin, Sasha Blouse. She has food cravings like the rest of us, but she’s like a big sister to everyone here! She’s also an Amazon, so she’s good with a sword.”

“She’s also kinda destroying the town like a Lego set.” Lola remarked.

“Like a big sister would!” Virginia beamed.

Ignoring the rampaging giant in the background, the Tour Cloud flew over a church. “For generations, people honored and worshipped Great Grandma like a goddess, praying that one day, she could walk upon their world. Scientists developed special candies infused with Bang Gas that were designed to help their bodies grow; Gigantification, as you could guess.”

“Hold on, that sounds like the same crap Caesar Clown was trying to feed kids!” Terry remembered.

“It certainly is!” Lala grinned. “Who do you think gave him the materials? Gigantification has been a topic of interest for scientists for years, based off the horrid experiments the demons used to perform on children in days past. Only, remove the part with turning them to flesh-eating monsters and make them competent soldiers for battle. The Linlin Family was especially fixated on the project due to their ancestor’s origins. And although we’re not all related, nearly everyone on this planet possesses candy in their veins. We find that it helps us adapt with Gigantification much better.”

“You mean you actually want to be a giant?” Bartie asked.

“Well, it sure would’ve benefited me when I was little! Besides, it’s what Her Majesty wishes for everyone. She wishes for all her family and subjects to grow closer to her, not just in size, but in spirit. …Which brings us to a rather new phase of our religion. You see, Queen Sherry was revived with the heart of Pink Diamond from Planet Emera, and our Gem crewmen explained to us how it worked. Pink Diamond was able to take peoples’ souls and spread them to objects. She could swallow whole souls or pieces of souls, but doing so would reduce a person’s lifespan.”

“Well, that isn’t twisted at all.” Virginia remarked.

“And with her power, Queen Sherry is able to conjure spirits of Psychic Chi, and they would work to collect Pieces of Soul from everyone every week. People lose one day of life force every week, and it all goes directly to Her Majesty, who has since grown ever so closer to her subjects. However, if people refuse to pay, then they must be banished from the world. Sadly, some people were frightened by this new custom, and so they fled.”

“Can’t really say that I blame them.” Terry said.

“So, Pudding, I see you brought some fresh meat.” The family about-faced, shocked that a pink-haired man with a slender, muscular physique showed up on the cloud.

“Oh, Hisoka. I didn’t expect you back so soon.” Lala replied with furrowed eyes.

“We caught wind of a crisis in Fryburg. Figured it was Potato Girl. While I let Cassiopea handle this, I figured I would come meet the new members of the family.” Hisoka approached the kids, bending over them with a seductive smile. “Mmm, a vampire. You’ll fit right in.” he said to Lola. “And as for you… well, you look rather average.” he said to Terry.

“Who the frick are you, anyway?”

“Why, I’m your big cousin, Hisoka!” The circus man playfully pinched Terry’s cheek. “More specifically, the kind of cousin that shoves you to the ground and twists his knuckles into your skull.”

“Okay, buddy, you can stop touching my son now.” Virginia gripped his right arm and tried to pull it away. “W-What the-?!” She realized her fingers were stuck to his skin like glue.

Hisoka whipped around and wrapped his left arm around Ginny’s body, his fingers still glued to Terry’s cheek. “I ate the Gum-Gum Fruit, sweetheart. I’m like that annoying piece of gum you just can’t get off your shoe.” He blew a bubblegum and popped it. The carnie flipped off the cloud with his extended arms whirling and he SLAMMED them against the salty road. Terry began bleeding from the head as Hisoka lifted him up. “And not to rub salt in your wound, but if you’re going to live here, you’ll need to look the part.” He wiped the blood off with his finger.

Terry’s shadow, Tael struggled to pull his master away, but he was bound to Hisoka via his stretched, gummy skin. “Who said I want to live here?! I’m coming to your damn birthday party and letting that be the end of it!”

“Are you really certain, boy?” Hisoka blew his gum again. “Grandma would be heartbroken if you don’t stick around. And you don’t want to-” He was suddenly SQUISHED under a giant boot, freeing Terry.

“Cousin Lala, do you have any Sweikah Potatoes?!” Sasha asked, her face level with the Tour Cloud. The Stork Family had full view of her manic eyes. “Lady Pea said she would be home HOURS ago!”

“Calm down, Silly Sasha!” a little girl’s voice called. “We have a potato right here!” Sasha looked up behind her, and her mouth stretched wide. The Ivory Castle was holding a giant dark-pink potato by some rope, and it was steaming. “We just had to have Cousin Taco cook it.” said an 8-year-old girl with green hair and a white dress.

In a moment, Sasha plopped her rear on the road and shook the town, sitting cross-legged as she feasted on the potato in her arms. Lala decided to land the cloud as the five Storks stood before the Amazon. “Sasha, I’d like you to meet my family! This is my brother Bartie, Virginia, Lola, and Terry.”

“Oh, so these are the vampire kids!” Sasha said through chews before swallowing a piece. “They’re so cute! Hey, my name’s Sasha. You want some of my potato?”

“Your brain is a potato.” Hisoka replied, smooshed against the sole of her boot.

“Stop being a couch potato and get your butt up!” He was approached by the little green-haired girl.

“Whatever you say, Miss Pea.” Hisoka forced his sticky body off the shoe and reformed his dimensions.

“Who’s this little girl?” Terry asked.

“Duh, she’s Commander Cassiopea!” Sasha replied. “’Course, we just call her Pea. She’s our little cutie!”

“I like to collect flowers and make masks!” Pea beamed. “What do you like to do?”

“I like blood.” Lola replied simply.

“Why would they let a kid be a commander?” Terry asked.

“Why would they let kids run a whole organization?” Pea asked with hands on hips. “We children are much smarter than adults, you should know.”

“You bet we are!” Sasha cheered, grabbing Terry and Lola in either hand and raising them high. “KIDS FOREVER! WOOT, WOOT!”

“But you’re an adult.” The twins chorused.

“And hey, don’t worry about that Hisoka creep.” Sasha held them closer to her face and winked. “I’ll straighten him out for ya if he gives you any more trouble.”

“You’re like the best cousin ever!” Lola cheered.

“I hate family gatherings.” Hisoka sighed, walking away as Sasha and the Storks stuck tongues at him. Pea skipped alongside the Carnian.

“Didja get the blood?” Pea asked.

“Yes, it’s right here.” Hisoka held up a vial of blood. “Are you really sure this will be enough?”

“We can always get more blood! Easy-peasy!”

Planet Hyrule; Hebra Mountains

There is a rumor that the Hyrule Kids Next Door has had the lowest passing rate for cadets for two years. This was because, in the history of all KNDs, the Hyruleans had one of the cruelest known Drill Sergeants. Her training was so intense that the Supreme Leader was forced to dismiss her. Unfortunately, other sectors feared she was too good for them, and she refused to accept a meager desk or spy job. So, she assumed the role of an Advanced Training Sergeant, one who very few operatives would dare approach.

And today, Cheren Uno was one of those reckless operatives, having ventured to the depths of frigid Hebra Mountains. He and Panini approached Bisky and Gon, seeing a wood cabin behind them, along with a gaping hole. Bisky walked over and started sniffing Cheren’s body, much to his confusion. “Wow, you actually did 1,000 push-ups. There may be hope for you yet, Cheren.”

“After all I’ve been through, I’m not scared of a little training regimen.” Cheren replied confidently.

“Alright, then off with your shirt.”

“Huh?!”

“Do you want to get stronger or not?” she asked with hands on her hips. “Some stories say that Link climbed mountains without a shirt OR shoes. But we’ll get to that later.”

“Oh, fine.” Cheren ditched his shirt.

Armed with only a bow, Bisky led him to the edge of the chasm. “First, we’ll try to spark your Observation Haki. Do you see those targets?”

They were overlooking a chasm with several targets, glowing blue with Sheikah symbols. “So, you just want me to shoot targets? I’m guessing I’ll be blindfolded.”

“We can save that for later.” Bisky smiled proudly. “For now, I want you to jump off the cliff and shoot four targets as you’re falling.”

“Heheheh! C’mon, Bisky, no person can do that.”

As a response, the sergeant took his bow and leapt off the cliff, and Cheren barely had time to blink before she sniped the targets, then splashed in the water below. In a few seconds, Bisky hopped her way back up the cliff. “Cheren, you have so many operatives that have done things no other people can do. As their Supreme Leader, you have to be able to keep up with them.”

“I get it, but I can’t think of any operative of mine who could do that.”

“Well, you’ll be the first, won’t you? But before you actually begin, I want you to make a promise to me. Only when you make this promise can I truly believe you are committed to my training.”

“What kind of promise?”

“If you are not able to pass my training, you must leave the Kids Next Door.”

“WHAT?!”

“You heard me. The KND have no room for someone that’ll hold them back. If you can’t make that promise, then I’m throwing you off this mountain right now.”

“You have no right askin’ him ANYTHING!” Panini gripped her by the collar again. “YOU’RE the one that came wantin’ to train him, YOU’RE the one who just thinks she knows him when YOU haven’t even EXISTED before-”

“Calm down, Panini.” Cheren ordered. “Sigh… it’s a promise.” He took the bow back.

“Good!” Bisky smiled encouragingly, raising a hand. “Now, BREAK a leg!” She gave him a playful smack on the shoulder—Cheren screamed, the force sending him down the chasm. “Oh, and if you fall down, just climb back up! Now, while you’re doing that, I need some tea.” And she casually walked back into her fire-lit cabin.

After a few minutes, Cheren was able to climb out of the pit, his soggy body nearly freezing. Cheren pulled back his bow, jumped off, loosed an arrow—he missed the target and splashed. He climbed his way out again, stretched his limbs, and leapt off—he pulled the bow too fast and the arrow fell short by the time he splashed in the water.

Panini and Gon watched as Cheren climbed out and tried again four more times. “Boy, I don’t envy your leader, Panini. Just watching him is making my old scars itch!” Gon laughed.

Panini said nothing and walked up to Bisky’s cabin, Gon following out of curiosity. She found the sergeant happily sitting by the fire and sipping tea. “Biscuit…”

“I told you, it’s Bisky!”

“Right, ahem. Look, as Cheren’s friend, Ay’m just a little worried about his health, and I feel like… well, he might not be ready for this type of training.”

“This boy is a ruby waiting to be polished!” Bisky proclaimed with glimmering eyes. “And I’m going to tap into that hidden potential!”

“Ay’m just saying, most people start with something basic!”

“He should be beyond the basics at this point.”

“Ya know, Ay’ve been training him before YOUR planet even exist-”

“So, why didn’t he go to you instead?” This question threw Panini off. “All I’m hearing is that you don’t want this training for him. You want him to go back to your old ways. But at that rate, he’ll never catch up. Because no matter how strict you think you are, you’ll always be worried for him. Because you love him.”

Bisky marched up and jabbed a finger at Panini’s nose. “And he knows this. That’s why he chose me. So, if you care about him, you’ll let me do my thing. ’kay?” And with another jab, she pushed Panini into Gon as they fell out of the cabin.

They heard another splash and waited for Cheren to climb out of the hole again. Already bruises and cuts were present on his form, but he was readying another arrow. “Aw, don’t worry, Panini.” Gon said as he helped her up. “Bisky doesn’t compare people to gems unless she has a real good feeling about them.” When Cheren jumped off, he was able to strike a target, but splashed before he could get the next arrow. “Haha! Same time tomorrow, I bet he’ll be able to hit five!”

Luna Nova; Akko’s Room

To my friend, Lotte Jansson, thank you so much for all that you’ve done for me. I leave to you my Chariot Cards. And to Jasminka, you have been a very kind and caring friend, so I leave to you all my lunch money. And Diana, I didn’t know how to bring this up, but I’ve always-

“Get out of there, Akko.” Diana ordered.

“YIPE!” The girl sprung up, curled under her blanket like a turtle. “I wasn’t writing anything!”

“Akko, we need you to calm down and focus. I admit, we dug ourselves into a hole, but if we use our heads, we can think of a way to keep us and Luna Nova safe.”

“Yeah, so make another Happy Fun-Time Project already.” Sucy suggested, experimenting with mushrooms at her desk.

“As if Akko could actually put on a better show than the Fairy Sisters.” Hannah retorted.

“You should’ve just let yourself get eaten by that queen.” Barbara followed. “Now thanks to you, we lost 50 years of our life! We won’t even live to our early fifties! ! Oh God, I can already FEEL the wrinkles!”

“This isn’t the time to pin blame on one-another.” Diana stated. “If I’m being honest, we’re quite lucky that Great Grandma seems to be fond of Akko. Otherwise, she would’ve destroyed Luna Nova already. We’ve been given a chance to lead everyone to safety.”

“You’re right.” Lotte replied. “You put on a great show, Akko, but this is beyond our expertise.”

“Yeah…” Akko looked down reflectively. She felt so glad to have another fan, one who was moved by her magic. Yet, was it worth it?

“Metamorphie Faciesse! Metamorphie Faciesse!” The 6-year-old whipped the wand over and over, but bore no results. “Nothing’s happening, Akko… What if I don’t have magic like you?”

“I didn’t really discover my magic until I was 14.” Akko replied. “But it didn’t stop me from trying! Still, it’s not a big deal if you don’t have magic. One day, you’ll find something you ARE good at and be the best you can be at it!”

“But I wanna be magic like you.”

“Well, then keep studying and practicing, and maybe you’ll find your magic! Just never forget to believe in yourself. Remember, Gabriel: believing in yourself is your magic!”

“Believing is my… magic?”

“Yep! Never forget that!”

“…You know, what if I could give Queen Sherry a show?” Akko asked.

“Are you insane?!” Barbara shouted.

“Just hear me out! Listen, it really sounds like she was inspired by me. And if she were, then… I would really hate to disappoint her.”

“It’s a trick, you idiot!” Amanda stated. “She’s obviously leading us into a trap!”

“If she wanted to kill us, she had the perfect chance to do so right there! She really wants me to do a show for her. And if I can make her happy enough, maybe she won’t hurt us.”

“Akko, she expects me to marry one of her grandchildren,” Diana recapped, “and there’s apparently someone filling in for me. What if she finds out this fact? She’ll attack Luna Nova either way. And even if the imposter marries the grandson, she can still take over the school.”

They heard a knock at the door. Akko went to answer it, finding Professor Ursula. “Hey, Akko. Just came to check up on you.”

“Thanks, Professor. We’re doing fine.”

“Okay. …Sigh, I’m really sorry this had to happen to you, Akko. We really don’t want you to feel bad.”

“Hola, Akko!” Their neighbor, Verde peeked in. She was a Spanish girl with green hair in pigtails and starry eyes. “How’s the magic show comin’?”

“I haven’t started, yet…”

“Yeah, I expected that. Just make sure to let them know that I was never close to you, we were just neighbors.”

“Verde, go back to your room.” Ursula ordered.

“Okay, I got more packing up to do. Say, I gotta make room in my pigtails, you guys want any of my stuff?” She casually took an electric piano and a ball-in-a-cup out of her pigtails.

“Mmm!” Constanze perked up at the piano.

“Back to your room!” Ursula shoved her away.

Akko glanced at her bed, seeing the party invitation. “But seriously, we are making evacuation plans.” Ursula told her. “Where will you go, Akko?”

“We aren’t going anywhere!” Akko stated firmly. “We ARE going to give Queen Sherry a good show! And the first thing I’m gonna do is head to Sweetopia and talk to her!”

“That’s the spirit, Akko wait, what?” Ursula’s nervous smile turned to shock.

“Yeah! I’ll visit Queen Sherry and determine what she likes! That way, I can be sure to give her a show she’ll never forget!”

“Hehehe… Seriously, Akko.”

“DIANA!” Wangari suddenly zipped up from the hall with a letter. “This letter came addressed to you! Oh, and I’ll miss you when you’re gone, Akko.” And she ran off.

“STOP DOUBTING ME!”

Diana picked up the letter and read it. “It’s from my family. They… oh, no!”

“What is it?” Amanda asked.

“It says the Big Mom Pirates are going to take them to Sweetopia in two days for a family dinner. They want them to meet Jaune Pringle. I already informed them of the impostor situation… but part of me feels I should attend somehow.”

“Then I guess we’re going to Sweetopia either way.” Amanda figured.

Sweetopia; Fryburg

“Ahhhhh. That potato was amazing.” Sasha sighed in relief, lying down outside the town with her legs arched up. “But now I don’t think I can move.”

“I can’t believe you actually finished the whole thing.” Lola said.

“Our family is capable of consuming large amounts.” Lala replied. “But it usually gets digested pretty quickly.”

“But that potato was stolen from somewhere, wasn’t it?” Bartie asked.

“It’s part of being pirates, Bartie. Besides, I heard the KND steal plenty of their materials, too.”

“Not in recent years!”

“It’s weird because I always thought Candy Pirates steal candy.” Virginia inquired.

“The Big Mom Pirates welcome all kinds of food into their tummies. Our Breakfast Division is assigned to steal breakfast foods like cereal or eggs, the Lunch Division steals things like pizza or burgers, Supper steals snacks like soda or chips, and Dinner steals soups, steak, or potatoes. And I’m part of the Dessert Division, which is run by the Core Linlin Family. Our commander used to be Charlotte Linlin.”

“The old Big Mom, you mean.” Terry replied.

“Yep. Until she and her old officers were beaten by Sector V. Still, they were just lucky to not have to go against the whole crew.”

“And how many are in the whole crew?”

“Too many for me to count.” Lala winked. “But if you feel like sticking around, you might get to meet the important ones.”

“We don’t see why not.” Bartie shrugged. “No point in a family vacation if we can’t meet the whole family.”

“Say, where are you guys staying, anyway?” Sasha asked.

“We were gonna stay at Aunt Lala’s house.” Lola replied. “Wanna tag along?!”

“Sounds good to me!”

“SWEET! Sleepover with Cousin Sasha!”

“What are you, crazy?!” Terry shouted.

“Relax, Ter, I’m sure we’ll find some boy cousins for you to paint nails with.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Terry flushed. “Lola, they’re the Big Mom Pirates. Sooner or later, they’re gonna be our enemies.”

“Yeah, but what if they’re not?” Lola whispered. “I mean, every family has members you like or don’t like. I think it’s kinda like that.”

“Just don’t get too close to them. This is a spy mission, remember?”

“Hey, what’re you whispering about?” Sasha asked, reaching her right hand to lightly pinch Terry’s head. “Come on, spill it!”

“Let me go!” Terry muffled through forced puckered lips, the family snickering.

Lala gasped when a ringing was heard, and she answered a chocolate bar cellphone. “Minister Goomnut? …Oh, is that so? Well, I’ll be sure to be there! ’kay, thanks! Bye!” She hung up. “Well, it sounds like my ‘fiancé’ finally wants to meet me.”

“Fiancé?” Bartie repeated. “Oh, that’s right, you said that Grandma arranged for you to be married.”

“Uh-huh. And in two days, Grandma is inviting us and other arranged couples to a dinner. Naturally, they’re expected to attend the Tea Party, too. This is what my fiancé looks like.” She showed them a picture.

The four’s jaws dropped at the sight of him: he was a round-headed skeleton with a spider-web tuxedo. “JACK SKELLINGTON?!”

They heard a loud rumbling. “Wellp, I’m hungry again.” Sasha said.

Whole Cake Chateau

“Is it strawberry jam, or somebody’s blood? Can’t say I care either way! The Teeeaaa Party from Heeeell!”

“Ma ma ma maaaaa!” Great Grandma’s Throne Room was always joyful with all her pastries singing in unison. “It’s wonderful being alive again! Before now, I had to rely on my spirit crewmen to give orders to my crew. Now I can finally see all my family, face-to-face! Including you… Augustus, liebling.”

She seemed to hold up a tattered doll by her grinning face, but any normal size being could tell it was a teenager: he was Captain of the Marzipan Pirates, Augustus Fizzuras. The Titan grandma gently petted his little blonde head. “Now, why were you with that Mandy brat when we first met, Augustus? Why were you fighting your family? More importantly, why have you been helping the Slag Pirates attack my crew’s bases for the last three years?”

“Because your insane granddaughter tried to turn Earth into a giant candy cluster! And I didn’t create this planet for you, I created it for ALL pirates!”

“MA MA MA! You were thinking of US when you ventured to New Galaxia, and you played your part PERFECTLY! You, Augustus, who took part in the rebirth of the universe, are living PROOF that the Linlins are immortal! I want you to be the symbol of our family! I mean, why would you abandon us for that amateur Mandy?!”

“I’m not working for Mandy, and I’m only allies with Slag. Otherwise, I’m the captain of my own crew.”

“Oh, that teeny-tiny crew of infants? When will you understand, Augustus, a man who belongs to no empire is nothing. One day, the Linlins will command everything, and you will either cling onto my gown or be snuffed out. I’ll ask one more time: return to my family! Let us catch up after years of separation!”

“All the races come together! A land to be happy, forever and ever~”

“The answer is ‘no,’ Grandma.” Augustus pulled out a lollipop from his collar and began to suck it. “I will leave this planet and return to my crew.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. You’re coming to my party whether you want to or not! Ernesto, Pea!”

Augustus weakly twisted his head around to see a giant Tostarenan walk in, with the little girl riding his sombrero. “Grandma, is that Cousin Augsus?” Pea asked.

“Great, another one?” Augustus sighed, thinking of someone else who mispronounced his name.

“Play the song for him!” Grandma ordered.

“You heard him, Taco!” Pea beamed, pulling out a wooden ocarina.

Do do do, do do do, doodle-doodle do, do do doot doot doooo… do doot doot dooooo…

Pea played a rather fast, fun tone with her ocarina, with Taco dancing and shaking maracas to her rhythm. As music notes flowed out of the maracas, Augustus began to feel heavy, his vision swirling around. The music repeated, and the faces of Taco, Pea, and Grandma’s creepy grin flashed in his eyes, making the captain ever more dizzy. When Augustus finally lost consciousness, his body flashed, and they all watched as a mask fell on the floor before the queen’s feet.

Pea jumped down and walked over to pick up the mask. She smiled at it humorously: the mask resembled Augustus, frowning coolly and had a fake lollipop sticking out. “Ooooo. Cool mask.” Zeus said, looming over the child.

“Her music is so beautiful!” Prometheus beamed. “Kokiri like her always appreciate the classics.”

“Oi, I helped too, amigo!” Taco shouted. “She can do nothing without my musicbending, no? SIN MUSICA!” He danced.

“Keep that mask handy, Pea. We’ll mount it for everyone to see at my Tea Party. Also… did you get the blood?”

“Yes, we did, Gramma.”

“Perfect. Now, we just wait for Lala to do her part. Hopefully without complications.”

“A beautiful show of magic and joy, to make the fairies cryyyyy! Or the witches, theeeey will diiiieeee~”

Elsewhere in the Florae Galaxy; Historia

A world born from the New Big Bang, constructed by the mind of Aisa from Earth KND Sector W7. This world exists in the past: societies and cultures were those that have existed in Earth’s ancient times. For instance, Wano Country has people and buildings that greatly resemble those of Feudal Japan. There is also Shandia, a lush green land where winged Indians known as Shandians make their home. Traditions never die in this world, and time never seems to move forward, although new people are born every generation.

The Galaxian Government is determined to maintain the historical atmosphere of this planet and abide by its rules. Technology is forbidden on this planet, as is modern clothing, and any tech discovered must be destroyed immediately. That includes spaceships. The only exceptions are Intergalactic Travel ships, which will briefly drop tourists off in a designated region before leaving. Once their vacation time is over, the company will return to Historia to pick them up at the same drop-off point. If they are not present, the company will conduct a search for the tourists. The government monitors the atmosphere around Historia in watch of any unauthorized ships entering the planet.

Even if one owns a spaceship, the only legal way to access this planet is by visiting an Intergalactic Travel station at any planet. They will be given clothing that befits the desired region of Historia, while their normal clothes and pieces of tech will be stored safely. If any items are lost, you are promised compensation.

A mouse Mobian had booked a flight with Intergalactic Travel. The travel ship docked at a space station sealed in a glass bubble, and Penelope was led by a squat Mobian owl to the changing rooms. “Here, you can choose from and change into clothing that’s befitting of Historia’s culture.” the owl said in a timid tone. “We’ll keep your personal items safe and secure. Any form of candy, sweets, or junk food won’t be allowed on the planet either, so if you have any, eat it up. We’ll exchange your currency with that of the intended destination. And, uh… that’s about it.”

“Much obliged.” Penelope said nonchalantly.

With preparations complete, she rode the travel vessel to the planet. The ship descended from the starry sky, unseen by any denizens of Wano Country. The ship landed on an open patch of ground within a sakura forest as Penelope disembarked, observing the cherry forest in awe. “You’ll reach Kawa Town if you just follow this road.” instructed the owl. “I’d help escort you, but I gotta get this ship back to base. Please be careful, and don’t lose your lanterns.”

“Worry about yourself first.”

Penelope patiently crossed the forest path. Once at the edge of it, a valley was splayed with a town across the river. “An inn, right?” Penelope repeated to herself. With a whiff of her nose, she picked up a filthy scent from the river. “It really is polluted…”

She crossed a bridge over the river and arrived at Kawa Town. Few people were out at night, but those that were possessed sickly, morbid auras. The gatekeeper, an obese man sitting on a crate, looked up when the group approached. “Thine look informs me that thou art visitor from beyond yonder stars.”

“Yonder book thou read me.” Penelope spoke the best Japanese she could. “Need place to stayeth.”

“Thou shouldst seek shelter in yonder inn.” The man pointed at the designated building. “Alas, thou may not awaken to a pleasant breakfast. All fair townsfolk have long abandoned this region. Only a choice stubborn few remain. This includes the innkeeper and his granddaughter.”

“It’s because of the poison river, right?”

“Verily. We hath sent hunters and swordsmen upstream to determine the cause. Some returned injured, some hath not returned.”

“Poor planet.”

The inn was run-down and looked rather uncomfortable. When she entered the lobby, she found a long-nosed man at the bedside of an 8-year-old girl with a washcloth over her forehead. The man turned to Penelope with a raised brow. “What strange guest doth make her acquaintanceship?”

“I’ve been sent here… to find someone.”

“Huh? Whom doth thou speak of?”

Penelope stared at the bedridden child. She felt pity as the kid breathed hoarsely, coughing every moment. “That kid is sick from the river, right? Why haven’t you left the village?”

“Alas, O-Tama’s stubbornness is too great for mine own strength. Months ago, we were visited by another outworlder. Our meeting took place in yonder woods, and O-Tama’s heart was vexed by his charisma. After tainting my child with stories of beyond the stars, he taketh his leave, leaving only the promise he wouldst return. Along with magic cube which containeth mountains of sweets.”

“Wilt O-Tama ever see thee again, August’n?” O-Tama asked the man with teary eyes.

“I promise you will, Tama!” the teenager replied with a cool smile, pulling out his lollipop. “And next time, I’m gonna sneak you off this planet! All that candy I just gave you is gonna look like cheap junk from the grocery store in comparison.”

“It actually IS from the grocery store.” Rallo replied.

Penelope took note of the Infi-Cube on the nightstand. “He was actually able to bring an Infi-Cube to this planet? And it’s full of candy?”

“My duties entice me to dispose of it, but I canst not see my young one in tears. Alas, ’tis due to her love that she refuseth to leave!”

“Well… maybe I can help with that.”

“What dost thou mean?”

Penelope approached the child. “O-Tama, right? I’ve been sent here… by Augustus’s crewmen.”

“Huh?!” the man gasped. “Thou art… acquainted with that man?!”

“A…A…August’n…” Tama coughed. “Hast August’n… returneth?”

“August’n has been captured. Captured by a band of evil pirates. And he needs you… to save him.”

Sasha is from Attack on Titan, because her character is totally befitting of a Linlin! Also, Tostarenans are from Mario Odyssey, so look them up if you want a better visual on Taco. You should also look up the Kokiri from Zelda. ;) Heck, a character like Pea should be spurring numerous theories in your minds. ;)

Chapter Text

Some of Cheren’s training regimens are based off Link’s Champion Trials from Breath of the Wild.

Hyrule; Hebra Mountains

Gon had returned to his sector for the night, while Panini remained at Bisky’s cabin. It was past midnight and the vice-leader had fallen asleep. As Bisky enjoyed another cup of tea, she looked down to Cheren, who had just passed out after climbing out of the hole for the umpteenth time. After making sure Panini was fast asleep, the Drill Sergeant climbed down and approached Cheren. “I’ll give you credit: you didn’t stop trying once. Even after losing your bending, your three years of training have made you more durable and more determined. Hmm…”

Bisky lifted him over her shoulders and carried him up to the cabin. She set him by the fire to warm his frosted body, cooked up meat and fruit, and slipped them into his mouth while she helped him chew. “I have a reputation to keep up, so I can’t allow anyone to see me being so generous.” After feeding him, she began to clean the dirt off his body and rub medicine over his scratches. “But you are a mortal, Cheren. Like the rest of us, you need to eat, bathe, and sleep. Otherwise, your chi will deplete itself and your training will be pointless. I will admit, though… you being a normal human might make you a better leader than ever. Being able to survive with natural skills and strength can inspire people. …Of course, that will only be up to your performance.”

…

“Yaaaawn…” As soon as morning rose, Cheren stretched life back into his arms and legs. “Man, I feel great! I can’t believe I slept so—WEEEEEELLLL!” He walked off the cliff into the hole, making a great splash.

“Climb back up and give me 200 push-ups.” Bisky ordered, sitting on a diving platform while drinking tea.

Sweetopia; Chocolatown

Chocolatown was a town completely built with chocolate, from houses, roads, to fountains, and the water. The town had a mild chill so that the chocolate stayed hardened, and it was especially cold at night, with Ice Torches alit to provide light. Lala’s chocolate mansion was set on a hill east of town, and tonight, it was defined by a ponytailed giant sitting outside it.

“Check it out, guys!” Sasha grinned mischievously, sitting cross-legged as she dangled giant bags of chips and Pretzels in her hands. She was sitting outside a chocolate mansion while Terry and Lola stood on a balcony in their pajamas. “You wouldn’t think Amazonia would make good snacks, but they do. Nicked a bunch of them and made off scot free. Hope you ain’t watching your weight.”

“So you stole them, is that the deal?” Terry inquired.

“Man, loosen up. We’re pirates, it’s what we do.”

“You’re everything I aspire to be!” Lola gave thumbs-up.

“Yeah, but don’t expect me to sneak you into Liquor Island, though. Stupid Pawtucket doesn’t let in anyone under 21, even his own crewmen. Plus, his Chumba-Wumbas kick ya REALLY hard in the shin, even though they’re so tiny.” She rubbed her knee, which had become sore from the memory.

“Who’s Pawtucket, your boss or something?” Terry asked.

“Yep.” Sasha tore open a bag of potato chips and began to eat them. “He looks like a worm, but he’s a monster waterbender. To make it worse, he can turn any liquid into alcohol.”

“How is THAT possible?”

“Duh, he ate the Beer-Beer Fruit. And believe me, he hasn’t taken a good bath SINCE.” She waved a hand by her nose.

“Can he still get drunk?” Lola asked.

“Nope, not really. He wins a helluva lot of contests. Okay, now YOU gotta tell me about one of YOUR teammates!”

“Why the hell would we do that?!” Terry shouted.

“C’mon, don’t try to fool me.” Sasha leaned her head closer, smiling wryly. “You’re spying for the Kids Next Door, aren’t you?” she whispered. “I mean, we totally know you’re operatives.”

Terry fixed a glare on the giant. “Get ready for a fight, Lola.”

“Boy, I would cream you like a banana berry. Relax, I’m not gonna rat you out or anything. I really like you squirts! But hey, if you plan an invasion or something, I might have to attack you. Just sayin’.” She winked.

“Is she the coolest cousin ever or what?!” Lola beamed.

“Grrrr. I’m going inside. No point in socializing with the enemy.” With that, Terry was gone behind the chocolate door, the handle of which had been eaten off by Lola prior.

“He ain’t used to family gatherings, I take it?”

“Reunions have always been kinda tense for us.” Lola answered. “We either go to Nightmare Land and meet our jillion Nightmare relatives, and it’s always so loud and screamy that he just wants to go home. As for Dad’s family, they always kept talking about his missing sister, so it was pretty…pretty upsetting, pretty much.”

“Sigh… poor guy. No wonder he feels so uncomfortable here. Damn Hisoka’s fault…” Sasha glared in spite before sending another chip to be grinded into crumbs.

“Hey, you feel like coming to that dinner thing at the castle?”

“Ugh, hate to say it, but I can’t. Gonna be raiding salt on Secco for the next two days. But I’ll try to be back to you squirts as soon as I can!”

Terry returned to the guest room, where there was a Jell-O bed made for Lola and one for him. He plopped himself onto the bouncy red substance and lay his head in the marshmallow pillow. He heard a pair of footsteps walk in and set something on the nightstand. “Was it too cold for you? Hm hm, I made you some cocoa.” Aunt Lala said with a kind smile.

“Take it back, I’m going to sleep.”

“I know you’re technically in enemy territory, but you’d best behave when we go to meet Grandma. We are still family, after all.”

“Half the operatives I know are related to villains, and they barely think of them as family. I know you’re planning something.”

“Just because we’re on opposing sides, I don’t see why we couldn’t be friends. But I’ll give you time to get used to us.” She began to leave. “If you feel like cocoa, make sure to drink it soon. It’ll cool down quickly in this weather.” Her forehead eye winked as she closed the door, leaving her nephew in the dark.

Terry rolled over to stare at the steaming cup. Its smell was very alluring, and its steam made his eyes tired.

Outside Sweetopia’s atmosphere; two days later

Sector LN was steadily approaching the planet in their Stanship. Diana had turned into a mouse and was hiding in Hannah’s pocket, all the girls feeling nervous as they neared the candy-coated blockade. Their hearts raced as one of the ships flew over and peered into their window with its face. “Hey, you’re not one of our ships—blockade vessel~”

“We have invitations from Queen Sherry herself.” Akko stated, the eight raising their envelopes.

“Yeah, I can feel her soul-blockade vessel~” Apparently, the ship couldn’t resist singing its name. “I guess you can pass then-vessel~” With that, the fleet opened a gap, allowing the witches to sail to Sweetopia with no hassle.

“All those ships must have been given life by Sherry’s mysterious power.” Lotte observed. “But what kind of power is it?”

The witches landed the Stanship in a field outside Whole Cake Capital. The buildings were all designed like cakes, and they looked so real that Akko decided to bite off a chunk of the wall. “Euck. This cake tastes like it went stale a long time ago.”

“Akko, don’t just aimlessly eat things!” Diana Mouse shouted.

“Or at least not without the proper Taste Spell.” Jasminka said, casting a spell on the wall and ripping off another chunk to eat it. “Mmmmm. Banana-flavored.”

“So, what’s the plan, anyway?” Amanda asked. “How do we get in the castle?”

“We can always go knock on the front door.” Lotte answered earnestly.

“I know I’m supposed to be the spy, but I agree with Lotte.” Akko replied. “We don’t want to make her think we have any ill intent.”

“I wish I could join you inside the castle,” Diana said, “but I cannot risk being discovered by her guards. We will collect information from the townspeople. But if you can get inside… please be careful, Akko.”

“No worries, Diana!”

The witches crossed the candlelit bridge to Whole Cake Chateau, approaching the castle gates. Two Shy Guys dressed like chess pieces were guarding the gate. “My name is Atsuko Kagari. I was asked by Her Majesty to host a magic show at her party, so I would like to speak to her.”

“The queen is having dinner with important guests tonight. We cannot allow anyone to disrupt the-”

“KINDER…JOYYYYYYY!” The queen herself burst out of a high floor of the castle and crashed on the bridge, her eyes spinning insanely. “LET’S DIG IN, FRIEEEEENDS!”

“Prometheus, I told you not to turn on PBS Kids!” Zeus yelled as they flew after her.

“But Magic School Bus was on; the one where they fly to the sun!”

“WO-O-O-O-O-OH! WO-O-O-O-O-OH!” Great Grandma charged into town and ripped off the roof of the Sweet Bank. “Giiiiive meeeee KINDER EEEEEEEGGS!”

The frightened Goblin bankers exchanged glances and pushed a button. A cannon emerged from behind the bank, locked onto Sherry, and fired chocolate Kinder Eggs like bullets into her gawking mouth. She compressed all the chocolate in her mouth and began chewing. “Mmmmnnn… Unborn Kinder Birds… a joy for my mouth. Ma ma maaaaaa…”

“Your Majesty! Queen Sherry!” The Titan viewed to her left, curious at the sight of a kangaroo with reindeer horns. “What do you think a Christmas Kangaroo has in its pouch?!” Akko asked. “A baby reindeer? Some toys? The correct answer is…”

“Pikachu.” Sucy peeped out of her pouch in a Pikachu form.

“Didn’t see that comin’, did ya?!”

A familiar silence resulted from this trick. “…Is she really serious?” Amanda asked.

“HAAAAA HA HAH!” The queen laughed out chocolate drops. “A reindeeroo giving birth to a Pikachu! Haha that’s PRICELESS!”

Akko poofed back to normal and greeted perkily, “Hello, Your Majesty! I wanted to talk to you about something, but the guards wouldn’t let us in.”

“Oh, they can suck on toothpaste. I’ll carry you in myself, my dear!”

“JUST LIKE THAT?!” screamed everyone.

“You can’t be serious, Your Majesty!” Goomnut shouted, floating by her on a Lakitu cloud. “Whatever reason you have for liking this girl,” the queen rolled her eyes, “you do realize they are Kids Next Do-” She smacked the Goomba across town.

“Don’t mind him. Come, to the castle! The younglings need someone to play with, anyway.”

Whole Cake Chateau

As Sector LN expected, almost everything in the castle, from halls to windows to furniture, was giant sized. Akko had the honor of riding Zeus, the witch hugging the fluffy cloud with a sweet smile, while the other five witches followed the Titan on foot. “I heard it was possible to bake a cake so big, you could live in it, but I’ve never seen it for myself.” Lotte thought aloud.

“It was prophesized that if I ever were revived, I would be a Titan as I was in the old days.” Sherry replied. “My crewmen forged this body from the corpses of Titans that escaped from Underworld Prison three years ago, fixed with the Sweet DNA from my descendants. Now then… here is the Kiddie Corn Playground!” The queen pushed open a giant door and led them inside.

This joyful, colorful room contained a giant playground with balls and toys, with kids of various sizes and races playing happily. “GRANDMA’S BAAAACK!” The kids happily scampered over.

“Hey Gramma, who’re the big kids?” asked a chubby Fishboy with an angry expression, indicating the witches. His name was Corlan. A little fairy girl in a pink dress stood in his hand.

“Are they our babysitters-soup?” asked a 6-year-old Twili girl with pink hair and swirly noodle designs on her shadow body. Her glowing yellow eyes complimented her cute smile. Her name was Soup.

“These lovely witches come from Avalar, and they’ll be your playmates today. Have fun with them, dearies!” The queen exited the room with Akko, sealing the door.

“Did she mean that in a good way or a bad way?” Amanda asked.

“Move aside, brats!” demanded a whiny voice. “I’M the only babysitter around here!”

The kids opened a path between them as a blue goblin boy with a yellow shirt marched out, accompanied by a black-haired Russian girl and a Mobian puppy in a purple jester’s outfit. “Now presenting the great Emperor Pilaf!” the dog exclaimed. “Heir to the Linlin Throne!”

“Oh, he’s a goblin!” Lotte recognized. “Like the ones we have at Luna Nova.”

“Heir to the throne?” Amanda cocked a brow. “What the frick is he on about?”

“It means that when Grandma dies, I’LL inherit the throne!” Pilaf proclaimed.

“So, are all of you Queen Sherry’s grandchildren, too?” Jasminka asked. “Hello, little ones. My name is Jasminka, and I’m your cousin! Would you like a chip?” She offered one of her Fuwas.

“Who you calling little ones?” asked a fat, giant Glomourian boy, named Glonnorobolomus (Glonno).

“Silly, she just means she’s older than us!” replied a same-sized, blue-haired Harnitan girl, whose name was Silla.

“I the talleth! I the talleth!” yelled a 3-year-old Legoan boy from atop a tower of letter blocks. His name was Jonny.

“I bets they can’t catch me!” yelled a magenta-haired robot girl, using rockets in her ankles to boost around the room. Her name was Sarborg.

“Don’t get the wrong idea.” Pilaf replied. “Not all of us are related. We’re the children of some of Grandma’s crewmen, and this castle acts as our daycare. Of course, this place also serves as a training dojo! And I, the great Pilaf, am their personal trainer!”

“Even though they always kick our butts.” the dog replied.

“QUIET, SHU!”

“And what about you?” Amanda asked with a raised brow. “Are you part of Grandma’s crew?”

“Of course I am! I work for the Dinner Division as a master thief.”

“We only rob small towns, though.” the girl noted.

“I’m taking away your rations for tonight, Mai.”

“You’re seriously supposed to be the heir?” Amanda asked with a wry smile. “You look like you can barely count to 10, let alone run a planet. Like, how well do you even know your own crewmen?”

You’re really gonna bait information out of him that way? Sucy thought.

“I know my crewmen VERY well, thank you for asking!”

“Yeah? Well, prove it.”

“Not so fast. Since you have the gall to doubt me, let’s play a little game: if you can defeat my classmates—I mean, my students here, then I will share with you my knowledge.”

“Oh, we couldn’t do that.” Lotte replied, blushing sheepishly. “You’re all so much younger than us, it wouldn’t be fair.”

“That problem can be easily fixed! Have a taste of my AGE CIRCLE!” Pilaf cupped his hands together and expanded a white, see-through energy bubble, encasing the five witches.

“WAH!” Amanda yelped, shrinking down.

“AAAH!” Lotte screamed.

“Huh?” Jasminka said.

“Uhh?” Constanze grunted. Sucy, meanwhile, remained stoic as their bodies were reduced to child size and their very clothes transformed.

Constanze was now wearing a pink dress and pigtails, and was still shorter than her friends. Amanda had on high-heel sandals and a silver dress, Lotte wore a green dress with no glasses, Sucy had on a black witch robe, and Jasminka had a sky-blue sleeveless shirt and blue shorts while her belly stuck out. “Hey! This is my dress from when I was five!” Lotte yelled in a high voice.

“Mother f***! We’re kids again!” Amanda yelled.

“I was given Dr. Clown’s Back-Back Fruit!” Pilaf explained. “I can reduce your ages by however number I please, and it even transforms your clothes to look like your old ones. But now that age is no longer an issue, let’s get down to tactics: BEAT THEM UP, KIDS!”

“Get them, Spoon-soup!” Soup unleashed her shadow, Spoon, to start kicking Lotte from multiple angles.

“The big’un smells yummy!” Corlan ran at Jasminka with malice.

“I’ll sprinkle her for you!” declared the fairy, Nati.

“I’ll smash the red one!” Glonno declared.

“Cannons, shoot ’em!” Jonny activated block cannons on his block tower.

“Yep, this sure takes me back.” Sucy said tonelessly, two of her front sharp teeth missing.

“Alright, you little brats! BRING IT ON!” exclaimed Amanda, kicking off her uncomfortable shoes.

Throne Room

As Akko stood before the Titan queen in the throne room, Her Majesty dug her hand into a bowl of sentient cinnamon rolls, melting with vanilla icing, and crushed them in her mouth. “Tonight, I am scheduled to have dinner with three arranged couples and their families, among them your friend, Diana. Of course, Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner mean nothing to me. The only time for me is Dessert, and that’s been the same even during my stay in the Spirit World.”

“The… Spirit World?” Akko asked curiously.

“You know, the place mortals go when they die.”

“Forgive me, Your Majesty, but according to the KND’s records and Avalar’s history… well, it didn’t sound like you would be allowed into Spirit World… theoretically.”

“Well, I guess your history is garbage, then. I was such a good little soul that the Firstborn, Mew personally granted me permission to the Spirit World himself. He even gave back my psychicbending!”

That’s very interesting… Akko could hardly believe such a ‘dangerous’ person was granted such a privilege.

“So, what did you need to talk to me about? Come to give me a little preview?”

“Oh, I would love to, but that would ruin the surprise, hehe!” Akko grinned.

The surprise attack, no doubt. Goomnut thought, his body bandaged.

“Actually, I wanted to tell you—about the show… Well, in order to give you the best performance possible, I’ll need my whole team. And that includes Diana. So… is there any chance I could take Diana home with me to make a plan?”

“You’re an idiot if you think we’ll fall for tha-” Goomnut rebutted.

“I don’t see why not!” Sherry beamed. “As soon as dinner’s over, she can go back with you. Do whatever it takes to make the Fairy Sisters jealous!”

“Oh, thank you, Your Majesty!”

“With that said, of course… I expect your performance to be absolutely CAPTIVATING!” Pink flames brimmed around Her Highness, enveloping Akko in a terrifying aura. “Because if it isn’t, with the exceptions of Diana and Jasminka, I’ll have you all beheaded and mail your heads to the Fairy Sisters, with an angrily scrawled note that says, ‘THIS WAS YOUR FAULT!’”

“Hehehe, no need to worry about that!” Akko waved her hands in panic, sweating rapidly. “I’m going to make a show you’ll never forget, you’ll see!”

They’re so obviously going to pull something at the party. Goomnut furrowed his eyes. The question is, what is it? Furthermore, why is Her Majesty buying into it? Does she already have a counterplan?

“But could I ask you something else, Your Majesty? To be honest, I’ve never really seen a Fairy Sisters show myself. I’m curious… what was it like?”

The queen reached for a giant blue candycane and began to lick it dry. “Hmmmmnnnnn… that’s a good question. It was such a long time ago… hrrrmm… I GUESS I DON’T REMEMBER! MA MA MA MA!”

“Uck-!” Akko’s jaw dropped. “You…You don’t?”

“Though I remember there was a lot of color and flashy lights… oh, and it made me feel so wonderful just by watching it. Like all my woes just melted away.”

“I heard you were born around one of Malladus’s eras. That must’ve been a rough life, huh?”

“It was horrible at first… Those wretched demons captured me and injected me with drugs. But the next thing I remember, I was holding my brother in my hands, and everyone around me was smaller. But we played so many games and ate so many sweets…” Smiling from pleasant memories, she brushed her tongue across the candycane. “And they baked me an unbelievable cake… but after that, they were all gone. My brother, Demtia, and all the others…”

“I’m sorry to hear that…”

“Your Majesty, the guests have arrived.” The PA spoke. “Should we begin setting up the table?”

“Yes, go ahead. Goomnut, see to our guests.”

“Urgh… Yes, Your Majesty.” The Goomba begrudgingly exited the room, sparing one last suspicious glance at Akko.

Landing Platform

“Well, it seems our guests are arriving.” Lala said as three tart ships were making land on the platform. Mushroom Toads were stepping off the first craft, leading a cute, young couple: Princess Éclair, a girl with brownish-blonde hair with a chocolate dress, crown, and waffle braid, and Vick Chestnut, a mustached man with a chocolate shirt, hair, cape, gold pants, and a chestnut crown. “Vick is Minister Goomnut’s half-human son. Éclair is Princess of Mushroom’s Waffle Kingdom, so you can guess why Grandma wants it part of her empire.”

Some Hylian pirates were leading a family of three off the 2nd ship: Daryl Cavendish, a woman with a purple gown and blonde hair with green highlights, and her identical twin daughters, Maril and Merrill. “That’s the Cavendish Family. Their cousin is marrying Jaune Pringle. Heard they fund a magic school on Avalar. …And THAT must be…”

Bokoblin pirates led a skeleton with a spider-web tuxedo off the last ship. “Jack Skellington!” Lala joyfully ran up to embrace her groom-to-be in a hug. “It’s me, your lovely bride!”

“SOUL ROBBER!” Jack WHIPPED the floor before Lala, scaring her back. “Let me make this clear,” the Pumpkin King said with furrowed sockets, “I don’t care for you or ANY of these pirates. I’m only here because your queen threatened Sally. Hm?” Jack cocked a brow at seeing Virginia and her family behind her. “Strange. What would you four be doing here?”

“Hi, Jack.” Bartie greeted awkwardly. “This is Lala, my sister.”

“COOL!” Lola beamed. “That means Uncle Jack is gonna marry Aunt Lala! Now he’s really gonna be part of our family!”

“We have an hour before the dinner is ready.” Lala mentioned. “Shall we go wash up?”

“That won’t be necessary for me.” Jack stated, walking past them. “As soon as I’ve finished eating, I’m boarding the next ship out of here.”

“Well, now I see why you shouldn’t see the groom before the wedding.”

Dining Room; an hour later

A dining room for a giant queen would logically require a giant table, and several smaller tables were placed on it in-between the giant drinks and pastries. Daryl and her daughters were present, looking suspiciously at “Diana” and her fiancé, the orange-haired Mustachio, Jaune Pringle. So, that’s the person masquerading as my niece. I admit, her disguise is impressive… but what is she even planning?

“Uck, look at all these vomitrocious sweets.” Roger the Alien scoffed. “I’m gonna get, like, SO fat and my perfect figure will be ruined!”

“Ho ho, calm-a down, Diana.” Jaune put a gentle hand over ‘hers.’ “You-a get so sweaty when you’re agitated.”

“I get sweaty because I love you, my sexy Pringle.” Her eyes glowing pink, “Diana” embraced Jaune in a loving, sensual kiss, leaving the three Cavendishes in utter disgust.

She doesn’t behave like Diana at all! At this rate, the Cavendish name will be ruined!

“What’s taking so long, anyway?” Terry asked.

“Ghhhhrrrrr!” Wanting to know the answer himself, an angry Goomnut hopped off the table and marched to the throne room.

Throne Room

“No, I’m totally serious!” Akko exclaimed, munching a large blueberry muffin. “A WHOLE mountain made of poop! We went there on a mission and it was the absolute WORST thing! It got all up in my shoes and it was awful!”

“I can’t believe Avalar would have a place like that!” Sherry replied. “It’s so disgusting, I can’t possibly eat again!” …Regardless, she dug her hand into a bowl of boiled golden goose eggs and savored their godly taste.

“For some reason, Gruntilda purchased the territory, and I have no idea why. Some people just like wasting money.”

“YOUR MAJESTYYYYYY!” Goomnut charged into the chamber with furious eyes. “YOUR MAJESTY, dinner has been ready for over 10 minutes! We’re WAITING for you!”

“Silence, Goomnut, I’ll be down in a moment!” The queen stated as she stomped under a large faucet, turning it on as jelly and peanut butter poured into her throat.

“So, Your Majesty, if they made candy with Fairy Wrappers and it tasted really awful, would you still buy it?”

“Oh, absolutely!” Sherry proclaimed, whipping around as jam spilled from her mouth. “Nothing tastes too terrible for me! Ma ma ma!”

“I wish my tastebuds were as strong as yours! They made Chariot sweets back in the day, and they tasted awful! But I still made my parents buy ’em!”

“But if I had one bias, it would be against vegetables. Anything with vegetables feels sickening.”

“I can relate to that. Luna Nova gives us nothing but potatoes for lunch, and I never have money to buy anything else.”

“Well, I’ll just have Sasha demolish the whole lot of potatoes then! Ma ma ma!”

“Hahahaha! That would be sweet if you could do that!”

Mouth agape, Goomnut looked back and forth between them, astonished how they were carrying on like life-long friends. He glanced up at Zeus and Prometheus, who gave querying looks saying how even they were baffled. “Grrrrrrrr YOUR MAJESTY, OUR GUESTS ARE WAITING! ! Throw that little witch out the window and come join us!”

“Sigh… well, I can’t possibly pass up Tonio’s cooking. Join us, Akko!”

“Okay!”

“WHY IS SHE GETTING THE ROYAL TREATMENT?!” Goomnut nearly melted with anger.

In the dining room, the guests watched as the colossal doors opened, the room quaking as the Queen of Sweetopia finally stomped in. “Ma ma maaaaa! I’m so delighted all my future families-in-law could make it. By the way, an additional guest will be joining us this evening.”

“HEY, it’s Diana’s family!” Akko called from Sherry’s shoulder. “Yoohoo! Remember me, I’m Akko!”

“What the heck is SHE doing here?!” Maril hissed, the family internally panicking.

“This girl is Atsuko Kagari! She and her little team will be performing a magic show at my party! Oh, it’s going to be WONDERFUL!”

“It sure will! OOOO, look at the size of that pie!” Akko dove into a pool-sized blackberry pie.

“I’m a pie~ I’m a pie~ I’m a pie~ I’m a pie~ I’m a duuuhhh…” The sentient pie felt mushy in the brain as Akko devoured his insides.

“Who in their right mind would invite HER to dinner?!” Merrill whispered.

“My thoughts exactly…” Goomnut replied.

The queen took her seat and raised a giant smoothie. “So, let’s talk business.” And she took a sip.

“Right.” Jack agreed. “First order of business, it’s pointless to try and use me to take over Nightmare Land. My father will never welcome your rule and he will banish you all.”

“My sources say that your father is in a coma at the moment, along with his very special little infant.”

“He will awaken, you can be sure of that.”

“Even if he does, I hear that the gods are no longer as powerful as they once were. Factor in the fact they can’t use full power on mortals, my spirit crewmen can make quick work of them. Face it, Skellington, the Big Mom Pirates will own Nightmare Enterprises, and we will decide who we sell to.”

“Now Grandma, no need to pressure him.” Lala said, leaning on Jack’s shoulder. “Listen, how about we have a talk after dinner, just the two of us?”

“I won’t buy into your tricks.”

“Hmmmmph…” Lala’s cheeks puffed.

“Then there is you, Princess Éclair.” Sherry faced the Waffle Princess. “All I desire is the wheat grown in your Waffle Fields, grown with the most quality Golden Syrup to produce some of the greatest pancakes known to mankind!” Her tongue drooled from the very thought of it. “And in return, we can guarantee protection from all other rogue Candy Pirates that lust after your luscious kingdom.”

“That sounds pretty fair to me.” Éclair smiled sweetly. “I admit I was a bit frightened about this, but Vick has been very kind to me.”

“Well, if I am to be married, I want to at least live happily with my bride-to-be.” The chestnut-clad human replied.

What’s interesting is that Vick hasn’t once used the Sweet Gene to brainwash Éclair. Their love actually seems genuine. Goomnut thought.

“You know, Mushroom really is an amazing world.” Sherry reflected as she dipped giant muffins into a huge pot of honey, and savoring the heavenly taste. “My pirates robbed their world for generations and ravaged their food. So many amazing chefs and strong fighters. Sigh… I wanted to marry one of my children to Princess Peach 10 years ago, but Bowser’s troops kept stopping them. When I came back to life, I finally decided to go down to his castle and punish him myself…”

“AAAGH!” The Koopa King socked Queen Sherry in the jaw with a Haki punch. Prometheus lunged at him with massive flames, but Bowser blew violet fire against him. “AAAAH! TOO HOT, TOO HOT!” The sun fled.

Zeus struck lightning, but Bowser was unaffected as he leapt above Sherry and Ground Pounded her. He then picked the battered queen up by the neck. “Now listen, you… Peach is MY hoe! If I ever see your troops try to kidnap her again, I’m gonna fly to your planet and burn everything to a CRISP!”

“Yeah, that Bowser guy’s a real ass.” Akko remarked while chewing a banana sponge cake, which was very squishy and lovely on the tongue. “You know we actually invaded his castle not too long ago.”

“HAAAH! You actually went up against that thing?!”

“Well, we didn’t actually fight him, but we mowed down a lot of his troops!”

“Sure you did, sweetheart.” Goomnut remarked.

“Hey, I could totally take down Bowser if I put my mind to it! Heck, I went toe-to-toe with Sheila Frantic.”

Zeus RUMBLED with lightning, Akko’s heart jumping from the sudden sound. “You don’t mean Sheila Frantic, the Raccoon Pirate who killed my former heir, Charlotte, did you?…” Sherry asked, her eyes brimming with fury.

Akko was so scared that her soul was literally wiggling out of her body. “A-And I told her, th-the next time I saw her, I-I-I would cut off her neck and put her insides on my sandwich, hehe. . .”

“MA MA MA!” Joy returned to Her Highness’s heart. “You and I see eye-to-eye, Miss Kagari!”

“We sure do, hehehehehehe. . .” Her soul slowly returned to her body.

“Now, on to the Cavendish Family.” Sherry continued. “As you know, I plan to use Luna Nova to breed a new generation of witches, ones that will not only be of great service to the Linlin Pirates, but witches that can put a smile on my face like little Akko here!” The little witch grinned at the praise, while the Cavendishes looked with scorn. “However, I plan to eventually spread my empire to the kingdom of Appleton. Their namesake doesn’t fail them, for their apples are one of a kind. Yes, I think we can all be great friends, don’t you think?”

“Perhaps, Your Majesty,” Daryl replied, “but without an official Head of Cavendish, our political power is very limited. We cannot hold the ceremony for another few years, unfortunately.”

“So, time is an issue, is it?” Sherry smirked. “Well, I’m sure we can work around that somehow.”

“Speaking of which, don’t you have anything more appetizing?” Merrill asked. “Your kind may be able to live off of junk food, but we have our bodies to worry about!”

“Cough, Merrill, please.” Daryl mumbled.

“My cousin is like a total slut.” Roger whispered to Jaune.

“Yes, you non-Sweetians have more strict diets, don’t you?” Sherry frowned with disinterest. “Well, do we have a surprise for you.”

“DINNER… IS SERVED!” A squad of Volbonan chefs hopped in, led by a muscular human chef with smooth brown hair and alluring blue eyes. The chef climbed onto the table as the Volbonans placed plates of various foods before the guests. “For Signore Terry, a Strawberry Snow Bunny.” Terry was given a pink bunny made of snow. “For La Padrona Kagari, a glass of Sparkle Water from Mushroom’s Bubblaine.”

“Everyone, meet Antonio Trussardi, the Traveling Chef.” Queen Sherry announced. “I hired him the moment his incredible tastes reached my tongue. Have a bite and watch as your hearts melt from his recipe!”

“Yep, it’s definitely poison.” Lola remarked.

“MAMA MIA!” Jaune Pringle cried as his body started bending in all sorts of angles. “The soup! What-a was in the SOUP?!”

“He poisoned her own grandson?!”

“It was Rubber Noodle Soup, created from edible rubber ingredients from Bungeeland.” Tonio explained. “Mister Pringle had a mild back pain. His limbs will straighten themselves out in a few minutes.”

“…” Curious, Terry took a bite of his Snow Bunny. “!!” As if on instinct, Terry ate up the entire thing, it was too delicious. “WAAAAH…!” Afterwards, his skin turned to frost and he couldn’t move.

“TERRY!” his family panicked.

“Mr. Terry’s head was throbbing and had a slightly high blood pressure. He will unfreeze in a couple of minutes.”

“What are you, some kind of wizard?!” Bartie exclaimed.

“No, Signore!” Tonio chortled. “I am not a wizard, nor a bender, nor a metahuman. However, I will confess to having exceptional Observation Haki. I can detect any ailments that may be troubling my customers and work to make a necessary meal to ensure them a pleasant day. Mind you, I cannot cure major sicknesses or diseases.”

“WAAAAH!” Daryl screamed, clutching strands of hair. “Then why is my HAIR falling out?!”

“Mobian banana pie!” Tonio smiled assuringly. “It will make you feel young again and rid your head of grey hairs, replacing them with hair that is bound to stay young for four more decades!”

“Okay, but what’s with this shiny water?” Akko asked, taking a drink. “Oh God, it’s amazing!” She drunk the whole glass. “AAAAH!” An incredible bubbling was felt in her belly, which began to morph and contract.

“I fixed the Sparkle Water with dietary supplements. By consuming all these sweets, your body had become slightly bloated, but this will rectify that. …Of course, you will have to drop the waste somewhere.”

“Y-Y-Your Majesty, where’s the bathroom?!” Akko panicked.

“Three doors down that hallway.” Sherry pointed.

“THANK YOU!” Akko ran to the bathroom as fast as possible and slammed the door. She quickly opened one of the stalls… and found a singing toilet.

“Toilet~ Toilet~ Toilet~ Toilet~”

The face was smiling and eyes half-closed, as though it felt no greater joy than what it was designed to do. “Toilet~ Toilet~ Toilet~ Toilet~…” Akko began to sniffle and cry in despair. Indeed, there was no pleasant way around this.

“As you can see, Antonio’s reputation precedes him.” said the queen. “His recipes are unlike any other you’ll ever taste. And that’s why I’ve commissioned him for a very special job: he will have the honor of baking the Linlin Family’s Royal Cake! Already, we recovered the Eight Sugary Wonders, and he is going to bake them into a cake more amazing than ALL generations before it! OOOOHHH, its taste is going to feel so GLORIOUS!”

“Birthday cake! Birthday cake! I wonder how it tastes, the birthday cake~”

If she eats that cake, she’ll be unstoppable. Terry thought. “Erk…nngh…GUH!” The ice finally cracked and he could move again. “Holy crap, that Snow Bunny was amazing.”

“Grazie.” Tonio bowed. “You may look forward to even more wonderful delicacies at the Tea Party.”

“Raaaaaahhhh!” The room shook slightly as they heard screaming from down the hall.

“My, it sounds like the children are quite riled up.” Sherry smirked. “They must be welcoming new playmates.”

Kiddie Corn Room

“ROOAAR!” Corlan bit Amanda in the leg, but she punched him off with a flaming fist. Sucy was chasing Nati and spraying gas at her, but she was caught in a Shadow Possession by Soup, who started forcing Sucy to dance and punch herself. Sarborg boosted circles around Jasminka before kicking the witch in the stomach and flying her into a wall.

“Dammit!” Amanda cursed. “My firebending is still as strong as ever, but it’s hard to move with this puny body!”

“Ow!” Sucy yelped, forced to scratch her own cheek. “Akko seriously owes us after this…”

Pilaf is from Dragon Ball and Tonio is from Diamond Is Unbreakable! Originally, I planned to introduce him in an unreleased Sector LN chapter, but here is good, too. Next time, we’re gonna have a little kid fight! ;) Lol this whole planet is basically Punk Hazard 2.0.

Chapter Text

Time for a cute fight scene!

Whole Cake Chateau; Kiddie Corn Room

Corlan the Fishboy spat gushes of water with the speed of bullets, Amanda swiftly dodging as she shot back fireballs, but when Nati the Fairy sprinkled more magic dust on her, Amanda grew sleepy. This gave the giant Glomourian, Glonno the chance to kick Amanda across the room like a toy. Corlan ran to sink his teeth into Amanda’s leg, but the angered witch lit it on fire to force him to let go. Glonno leapt overhead and SMASHED Amanda beneath his rump, then got off before Corlan spat water in her face.

A young Amanda was pinned beneath the foot of a giant, who then began to mold spit in his mouth before drenching Amanda’s head. The furious girl lit herself aflame, turning the saliva to steam as she began to burn the overgrown bullies. The poor girl was given detention and a scolding from her parents.

“GRAAAH!” Amanda lit up again and lashed a Flame Whip at the Fishboy, then at Glonno’s leg to make him fall over. “I’m sick of being kicked around by you assholes!” She kicked off her uncomfortable high-heel shoes. “No matter how young or how small I am, I’m stronger than you, and you BETTER remember that!” She molded flame daggers and sliced at Glonno’s legs, then leapt to kick the giant in the face to make him tumble down. Corlan charged with teeth bared, but Amanda grabbed both ends of his mouth, hands aflame. Corlan cried out in pain, but was unable to escape as Amanda got behind him and shoved him into Glonno’s crotch, forcing the fangs shut.

“My powers may be able to reduce their age,” Pilaf thought aloud, “but their chi levels remain the same. But on the bright side,” he smirked, “my victims are forced to recall bad childhood memories.”

“Hey Consta-sta-sta-sta! What’s your name, Consta-sta-sta-sta?!”

Little Constanze was trying to snipe Jonny the Legoan with her magitech gun, but the memories plagued her mind and kept her from concentrating. “What’s-or name, what’s-or name?!” the Legoan was shouting. “I gonna keep sooting if you don’t say!” He kept shooting giant rubber balls from his tower cannons. A frustrated Constanze grabbed a small saucer from her Infi-Cube and threw it into the air, the device floating over Jonny and raining lasers upon him.

“No one builds things bigger than Master Constanze!” Stanbots were climbing the tower and pulling blocks out. The tower began wobbling as Jonny moaned in dizziness, and during this moment, Constanze fit on her pair of Spring Shoes—only problem being they were too big for her small feet.

“I’ll help, Conse! Reducio!” Young Lotte cast a shrink spell at the shoes, but accidentally shrunk Constanze instead, the German dropping her gun. “Oops! Sorry, Conse, I can’t see very—WAH!” The shadow, Spoon pushed her from behind.

“Tag, Lote is it-soup!” Soup clapped. “Run from Lote!” The Twili girl ran away in glee.

“Stop pushing me! Stupiefy! I mean, Stupefy!” Lotte held her wand in both hands, eyes narrowed as she tried to zap the Twili with Stun Spells, but she kept missing. “No fair! I can’t see anything without my glasses! I didn’t get them ’til I was eight.”

“Soup is over here!” Soup emerged behind her from a Shadow Veil. Lotte tried to stun her, but the illusion vanished. “No, she’s back here-soup!” Lotte hit her on the wall, but it was another fake. “Soup is on ceiling-soup.” Lotte glared up at the ceiling.

“Man, you’re annoying… Fine, then I’ll use the Song Spirit to search for you.” Lotte grabbed a glowing pink jar and ripped it open, freeing a note-shaped spirit. “La, la la la… la… la…” Lotte closed her eyes, and in the darkness, she could only see the spirit. “La, la la la…” The spirit flew beside Soup and began to dance in the air, convincing the joyful Twili to dance and twirl as well. Lotte’s spirit companion, Will-o’-chan leapt on the tip of her wand and helped her aim at the shadow. “Spirit Balloon!” Lotte filled Will-o’-chan with magical air, blowing him into the Twili as he POPPED!

“Sooouu… I guess I’m it, now.” Soup’s eyes swirled like noodles as she fell over.

“Thank you, spirits! Oh, right, Conse!” Lotte hurried over to the Spring Shoes and re-enlarged the German witch.

“Hmmmf!” Constanze changed the setting on her gun to shrink the shoes herself. “Oh, right. You could’ve done it, hehe.” Lotte blushed.

“No fair! My tower!” Jonny cried as the block tower was now only a stick of its former self, kept standing by only its cannons. Constanze used the Spring Shoes to bounce higher and higher before propelling up to the Legoan, clicking a button on the shoes, and forcing the springs against him, sending Jonny into the wall.

Sucy kept chasing Nati while spraying poison at her, but the gas was blown away by a gentle breeze. “Hey, quit it!” she yelled at the giant Harnitan, Silla.

“It isn’t nice to spray gas at people.” Silla smiled, using gentle airbending to blow the gas.

“Leave Sucy alone!” Jasminka yelled, grabbing Silla’s leg and trying to lift her up, but the blue-haired giant blew a powerful gust at the floor and lifted off, taking Jasminka with her. Silla whirled around and swung Jasminka off her. The Harnitan landed several feet away and began blowing a constant breath at the Russian witch. Jasminka rolled across the floor and against the wall, standing and struggling to push through the wind. “Ohhh… if I eat through the floor, I could surprise her… b-but…”

“That girl hasn’t stopped eating all day! She eats more than a PIG!”

“PIGMINKA~ PIGMINKA~”

The hurtful chanting of her classmates haunted her 5-year-old brain. She glanced over at Amanda, who swung her flaming foot into Corlan’s head before Glonno leapt and landed belly-first on her. “Hmmmmnnn!” Determined to help her friend, Jasminka stretched her mouth wide and ate through the candy floor!

“Oh, dear! I hope she isn’t hurt.” Silla approached the hole and peeped inside.

“ASCENDIO!” Jasminka BURST up from the room below, perfectly striking Silla as the Harnitan tumbled forward and into the hole, breaking it open bigger. “Engorgio!” Jasminka leapt above Silla and inflated herself, dropping down like a large cannonball and crushing the Harnitan’s head, knocking her out. “I’m coming, Amanda!” She used Ascendio again to return.

“Still not gonna let ya GAS her!” Sarborg the Android boosted at Sucy and swiped her spray can.

“Hey!” Sucy yelled, failing to reclaim the can from the speedy android. “You aren’t the only one who can run fast with science.” She drank a Speed Potion and chased after Sarborg. Sucy chased her up the walls and ceiling, eyes fixed on the robot whose shirt was designed like a target. “Got ya!” Sucy grabbed hold of the android.

“SPROING!” The target blasted her off like a spring. “Try again, suckuuuhh!”

“Oh, that’s how you wanna play, huh? Then I’ll add a supplement!” Sucy dropped a pill into the potion and drank it again. The witch ran with twice the speed, running circles around the android as Sarborg’s head spun around in confusion. “CHING! Got ya!” Sucy jumped her from behind again.

“NOPE!” Sarborg sprung her away again. “You’ll NEVER take my spray can! W-What?” However, when she attempted to boost, her engines felt clogged. “Heeeey! My boosters!” She looked down at her heels, realizing they were clogged with glue.

“Magic glue.” Sucy smirked. “Used to stick my siblings to their beds when I was little. Heek keek keek keek.”

“Mmmmmweeeeehhh!” Sarborg cried in despair, burning her engines brighter as the glue inflated. “WAAAH!” Unfortunately, her ankles were blown clean off.

“And FYI, this is MY spray can.” Sucy remarked, casually taking the can back, feeling no pity as the crippled Sarborg cried on the floor.

“You guys are monsters!” Nati cried. “I gotta go tell Grandma-” But she hadn’t gotten the chance before Sucy sprayed the gas over her, watching as the fairy dropped to the floor.

“I’ve always wanted to gas a fairy.” Sucy towered over the gasping creature with a wicked grin. “I wonder what organs I can harvest from you.”

“No fair!” Pilaf shouted. “No one gets to beat up my classmates except me! Shu, Mai, SHOW THEM YOUR POWER!”

“Jasminka Kickball!” Amanda kicked her rotund friend into Mai and knocked her down, while Constanze blew a doggy whistle and weakened Shu.

“You dirty cheaters! We’ll see how you feel after I revert you back into newborn infants!” Pilaf mustered another surge of power in his hands, until Amanda grabbed him by the neck.

“Don’t even THINK about makin’ me shit myself.” Amanda threatened, positioning her other flaming fist to punch him. “We had a deal, brat. Now, tell us about your crewmen or I’ll be tasting roasted goblin!”

“And change us back to normal, too!” Lotte demanded.

“Uh, about that last part… I can only reverse people’s ages, I can’t age them frontwards. Hehehehehe…” Pilaf sweated.

“WHAT?!” Amanda lit up. “You mean we have to grow up all OVER again?!”

“N-NO! The spell will wear off in 12 hours, I swear!”

“Yeah, it better. We have a gig next month and we can’t do it lookin’ like this. Now, about your other promise?” Amanda smirked devilishly.

“Uh, r-right. I’ll start with Commander Pawtucket.”

Planet Secco; Oasia Town

True to its name, Oasia was a town built over a massive oasis. Flourishing with beautiful plant life, it was considered by many to be the most beautiful town on Secco. Alas, this town was in a great state of despair, under the jaunty, deep vocals of orange-skinned imps.

CHUMBA-WUMBA

Doogity DUNGA!

MAN YOUR ARMS

And hunt them down!

Chumba-Wumbas danced in synchronized motion, throwing exploding beer grenades everywhere. Dryan soldiers surrounded Sweet Commander Pawtucket Pat, who splashed alcoholic water over the soldiers, then snapped his fingers to set the beer aflame.

CHUMBA-WUMBA

Hoogity HUNGA!

Crush everyone

And everything in this town!

“What good’s an oasis when it’s filled up with beer?” sang a Chumba as he broke several citizens’ shins with strong kicks.

“While pirates rob them and fill them with fear?” While doing graceful flips, a Chumba tossed grenades into three houses, making a pose as they all exploded at once.

“Why do they run while we’re having such fun?” A Chumba used a water gun to shoot condensed beer bullets at fleeing citizens.

“Can they not wait until WE… ARE… DONE?” Three different Chumba-Wumbas crushed a man’s face, threw a girl into the beer river, and strung a boy to a palm tree.

Afterwards, several bodies were thrown in a pile. “I – will – take – that – as – a – ‘no’!” a Chumba sang as the pile was set aflame.

CHUMBA-WUMBA

Singity SUNGA!

Life’s not faaaiiir

It’s sad, but truuuue!

Your bones will still make excellent food

And turn to Chumba-Wumba doggledy doo

Sandtanks were attempting to blast the pirate ships from afar, but the tanks were punctured by massive Haki-imbued arrows. “That’s FIVE IN A ROW!” Sasha cheered, jumping and throwing her fist skyward. “Hey, Uncle Pat, I’m getting close to beating your record!”

“Ha ha, now now, Sasha.” Pawtucket smiled and spoke in a fatherly manner. “It’s only a competition when everyone has a fair chance at winning.” With that, Pawtucket gathered all the water from the oasis and molded it into a cyclone around himself. Using his Devil Fruit power to completely turn it to alcohol, Sasha watched as he grew into a water giant even taller than her. The liquid body giving a charming smile, Pawtucket aimed his finger and fired 20 giant Beer Cannons, destroying 20 tanks in a row.

“Ugh. You’re such a showoff.” Sasha grunted. “Well, I still get 60% of the salt!”

“Ho ho, yes, you can’t have enough chips, can you?” Pat chuckled, whipping beer up to slash an enemy aircraft.

“Yeah, but not just for me! I want it for my little cousins.” A tank came out of the ground, but Sasha stabbed it with her sword.

“Oh, yes, you were overseeing the vampire children last night. Did Lala have trouble with her assignment?”

“Uh, I dunno… what assignment was that again?”

“I don’t know the exact details, but I was informed Lala was assigned to look into her nephew’s memories. Whatever the case, I hope you didn’t get in the way.” Pat smiled scoldingly.

“Man, why do you keep blaming me for everything?!” Sasha flushed in anger.

“You get a bit unpredictable without supervision.”

“I do NOT!” Sasha kicked the sand in anger and sent another tank flying. “Oops, sorry! I mean, not sorry ’cause… you know, we’re trying to rob you.”

“Focus, darling!” The beer giant stretched his arms like tentacles and smashed four more tanks.

“Then quit distracting me, old geez…geez…” Due to the battle stirring sand in the air, some of it got in Sasha’s nose. “Ah…ah…”

“NOW I’ve got you, giant!” A Dryan warrior flew up to her face on jetpacks, readying a shotgun.

“ACHOO!” And he was blown miles away by her mighty sneeze.

“Doggledy doo~”

Hyrule Field

“Hnnnnng…nnnnngg…” Having completed his 200 wake-up push-ups, Cheren Uno was now hard at work pushing a huge boulder up the slope of a mountain. Bisky and Panini were watching the struggle from a safe, flat ground.

“If you can’t unlock Armament Haki by the time you reach the peak, you’ll have to push down the other side and across the next field.” Bisky stated.

“Lovely…hrrrrgh…” Behind Cheren lay a great field, and a snaky indented path brushed along it, created by his boulder. Hyrule Castle stood tall and proud in the distance. “Say, Bisky, since we’re not really doing anything, can you tell me a little about Hyrule’s history? I mean, didn’t this kingdom used to exist on Earth?”

“Yes, it did. The Kingdom of Hyrule existed for at least 10,000 years, and reigned for about 6,000 years. That was before Earth’s World Government was founded and they drove almost all the non-humans away from the planet. Hyrule’s castle was torn down and the kingdom became an old memory. The races wandered the cosmos, but with the guiding light of Azelf, Mesprit, and Uxie, they found this planet, bustling with natural life and called it their new home. It also helped that members of their own species already seemed to live there. Thus, this world became New Hyrule.”

“Of course, it was thanks to Cheren that this planet was born.” Panini noted with a cheeky smile.

“That being said,” Bisky followed with an irritated frown, “our new kingdom honors the ancient heroes, Link and Zelda, ergo Cheren would be treated like a V.I.P. on this planet. One other thing you should know… is that the royal family living in that castle is not part of the original bloodline. But it was decreed that if the true heirs to that throne came to reclaim it, it would be theirs.”

“But I’m descended from Link and Zelda, aren’t I? Does that mean… I could claim the throne?”

“Not while you’re in the middle of MY training! And even then, would you really want the trouble of running a kingdom when you’ve already got your organization?”

“I know, I was just asking. Besides, I’ve still got demon blood inside me. I wouldn’t deserve to be their ruler.”

“Well, if we ended up gettin’ married someday,” Panini replied, “it would sure be a romantic gift.”

“Heh heh heh…”

…

Hyrule Castle Town was bustling with traffic and activity on another lovely day for its citizens. Blending in with this crowd was a golden-haired woman in a sky-blue gown, her sunglasses shielding her eyes from the sun.

Whole Cake Chateau

“Well, I say we collected some hefty good info from that goblin.” Amanda said, her high-heels dangling by her fingers as the child witches trekked the titan-sized halls.

“But did you have to knock him out?” Jasminka asked.

“I was hoping it would make his spell wear off. Ugh, but we’re still brats.”

“Only for 12 hours.” Lotte smiled. “And look at the bright side! It’ll be like reliving our childhoods all over again, except now we’ll have each other! My childhood would’ve been a lot more fun if I had friends like you.”

“Mmm.” Constanze grunted, her young eyes squinted and cheeks puffed as she held Sucy’s hand.

“There is one thing I’m kinda worried about.” Sucy said.

Up ahead, the door to a bathroom opened as Akko walked out, her body straight and stiff. “Huuu… I hate using the bathroom at someone else’s place. It always goes bad one way or another… oh?” She perked up at the sight of five children: Lotte, Sucy, Amanda, Conse, and Jas gazed at Akko with awe. From this view, she actually seemed like a wise and dependable adult, even though that was far from the truth. “Hello, kids!” Akko greeted sweetly. “You know, you look just like these people I know.”

“Akko, it’s us, you dolt.” Amanda stated.

“Dwuuuuuh?!” Her jaw stretched. “Wait… you mean it’s actually you guys?!”

“We were kinda made this way by one of Grandma’s kids.” Lotte clarified. “They said it would wear off by tomorrow.”

“That’s good. Anyway, I have some news: Sherry said we could take Diana home with us to prepare for the show!”

“But we already had Diana-” Sucy tried to say.

“Sucyyyy!” Lotte clamped her mouth shut. “She means we can take the impostor home with us. And if that’s the case, maybe we can talk to her about what she’s up to.”

“Then should we try to regroup with the others?” Amanda asked.

“Not yet. I think Queen Sherry is showing her guests around the castle, including the impostor. We might as well join them! Right, Conse?!” Akko joyfully picked up the shortest witch by the arms.

“Hmmmmmm…” Her little cheeks puffed red.

Mask Room

“This is my granddaughter, Cassiopea’s room.” Sherry began as she entered the vacant room and turned on the lights. “It also doubles as my prison.”

A variety of masks were mounted around the walls. As the guests entered, they studied the masks with dread. “Your granddaughter has an interesting hobby.” Daryl said.

“Oh, it’s more than that: Cassiopea has an unusual power to turn people into masks, although she requires a musicbender to do so. These unfortunate souls are the masks of captured prisoners, from KND operatives to common invaders. Then I threaten their hometowns to give me candy, or else I kill them! Provided they have decent candy to offer, of course.”

“Hey, Terry… doesn’t this look a bit familiar?” Lola asked, disturbed by the one-note masks.

“It does, Lola…” Terry’s heart pounded in anxiety. The last time they saw masks like this was when their friend, Miyuki was possessed.

“Alright, that’s enough basking in masks. This way, friends!” Queen Sherry exited, and Lala was the last one to follow, glancing suspiciously at a mask with sunglasses and a lollipop stick in its mouth.

The group approached another large door guarded by a very tall, long-legged woman with a pink one-piece, whitish-blonde hair, and a helmet. “Hello, Smoothie. I’d like to show my guests the Treasury.”

“Of course, Grandma.” Smoothie smiled and bowed, unlocking the door and stepping aside.

Light glimmered in their eyes as mountains of treasure towered before them. “We may be candy pirates, but we are just as fond of classical treasure! I make it my goal to collect all the rarest beauties in the universe. Ah, over there, that’s the Arkenstone.” She picked up an ovular stone that seemed to have a galaxy inside it. It looked like a pebble to her fingers, but it was big enough to fit in two normal-sized hands. “Legend says it used to belong to the Gorons of Ancient Hyrule. Worth 10 million Rupees.”

Sherry tossed the jewel back into the pile and used her psychic to pick up two books off a shelf: a white one with a star, and a black one with a blue jewel and magenta lines. “These are the Light Prognosticus and the Dark Prognosticus, two ancient spell books from Mushroom World that bless mages with pure Light Magic, and pure Dark Magic. Far too valuable to let my crewmen use them! Worth six million coins each.”

“Huff, huff, huff…” Akko grew exhausted as she carried Constanze on her shoulders. “Oh, thank goodness. It looks like they’re in there.” She saw the treasure room ahead and mustered the rest of her strength to walk.

“And those seven jewels on that shelf?” Sherry pointed at seven orange balls with stars inside them, from one to seven stars. “Those are Dragon Balls from a planet called Namek. Apparently, they were used to maintain the planet’s stability, so when my crew stole them, the planet eventually self-destructed. I think the people evacuated, so who really cares in the end, ma ma ma! …Oh, and speaking of valuable treasures, is that my little star?!”

“Hi, Your Majesty!” Akko beamed, setting Constanze on the floor and catching her breath. “Uh, I don’t mean to alarm you, but… your bathroom needs tending to.”

“No worries, the toilets usually share with each other.”

“I didn’t need to know that.” Akko felt her stomach cramp.

“I’m curious, Akko… if you were to sell your Claiomh Solais to an auction, how much money do you think you could make off it?”

“I would think the Shiny Rod is worth a bazillion gems! Not that I would ever think about selling it.”

“Well, isn’t that a shame. Still, when time comes for my birthday, I’m expecting dozens of valuable treasures from all of my guests! Oh, I get too excited just thinking about it!”

“I’ll bet you do! Oh, and um, did you tell Diana about… what we discussed?”

“Oh, yes. Good news, Diana, you get to go home after today! Your wedding to Jaune Pringle won’t take place until March 11, along with the other betrothed couples.”

“As if I would EVER go back with THESE no-name sluts.” Roger rolled his eyes. An angered Akko marched up to him. “Hell, they look like they still suck from their mommy’s—AAAHH!” Akko stomped him in the foot.

“I don’t know who you are, but you better play along and come with us, or we’ll get the REAL Diana to expose you.” Akko hissed.

“You little bitch witch.”

“Hey, Grandma.” Lola spoke up. “If all your family is invited to the party, does that mean the Unos are coming, too-”

“NOOO!” The castle was quaked by Grandma’s thundering tone. “Those brats are NOT welcome here! That wretched Nigel Uno denounced his title as Demon King. The Linlins could have RULED the Underworld if it wasn’t for him! As far as I’m concerned, they are NOT part of this family! The same goes for those damned Beans that worked for Sunny Fist. Why, I should send the Breakfast Club to end them right now.”

“The who?”

“They’re our Revenge Squad.” Lala explained. “The queen typically sends them at people who REALLY piss her off.”

“It would make an excellent birthday present for Her Highness.” Goomnut smirked.

“No, you shouldn’t do that!” Akko pled in panic.

“Oh? And why shouldn’t we?” The Goomba glared.

“B-Because I want the chance to kick Sheila’s ass myself! I wanna get back at her for humiliating me!”

“Hm, ma ma ma!” Sherry laughed. “Yes, Akko, I’m sure you and your little kiddie fights are worth all the revenge in the cosmos… but you shouldn’t forget: SHEILA FRANTIC KILLED MY CHARLOTTE!” Zeus thundered overhead as Sherry’s mouth grew to greater proportions, allowing the entire castle to hear her. “I think MY desire to kill her FAR OUTWEIGHS YOURS!! But for my new bestie, I will allow it.” Sherry grinned.

“I can no longer read you, Your Majesty!” Goomnut shouted.

“Did she just call Akko her bestie?!” Amanda exclaimed.

“Hehe, don’t worry, Your Majesty!” Akko beamed. “I promise you can have Sheila all to yourself afterwards!”

“Forgive me, Your Highness,” Jack Skellington began, “but I’m growing rather weary. Far too much cheer and little fear on this planet. I believe I should return to Nightmare Land before my people get worried.”

“I agree.” Daryl followed. “Having my hair rapidly fall out and regrow makes a woman exhausted.”

“I wouldn’t mind staying for a little longer.” Princess Éclair smiled.

“UUUUUUUUUGH.” The other guests moaned.

“Silence!” commanded the queen. “If you must leave, then so be it. Just return to the landing platform and my tart ships will have you returned to your worlds.”

“It was very great visiting you, Your Majesty.” Akko spoke politely. “I can’t wait to give you the most amazing birthday ever!”

“Ha ha! Doki doki no waku waku!”

“SHE JUST SAID AKKO’S CATCHPHRASE?!” the witches screamed.

“Hehehehehe!” Akko blushed goofily.

Meatropolis

The air of Meatropolis always wrought with burning meat. The giant towers of hot sauce burned like oil refineries, and Mexican music played throughout the city. Hannah, Barbara, and Diana had grown hungry and decided to visit the Meat Patty, an outdoor restaurant situated on the patty of a gigantic half-stacked burger.

“So, whats can I gets you girls?” asked the waiter, a beefy man dressed like a butcher. “Giraffe Patty Special?” He conjured three patties out of thin air. “Great Snake Bacon?” He formed a very long bacon strip. “How about Grenade Eggs without the gunpowder?” He formed three green eggs that exploded.

“How are you doing that?” Hannah inquired.

“I ate something called a Meat-Meat Fruit. It tasted awful, but now I can make meat with my chy.”

“Chy? Do you mean your ‘chi’?” Barbara asked.

“Yeh, my chy.”

“Eh, speaking of chy!” Two people suddenly got between the girls and the Butcher: one was a shaggy-haired man in a green shirt and another was a large brown dog. “We would like Chinese food with a side of everything.” Shaggy requested.

“With ravy, ruff-ruff!” Scooby-Doo replied.

“Yes, with gravy, thank you, Scooby.”

“Wait a second, you’re Scooby and Shaggy from Mystery Inc.!” Barbara recognized.

“Ho ho ho! Like, we sure are, man! It turns out me and Scooby are biological cousins!”

“Yeah! Riorogical.” Scooby nodded.

“Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to eat everything on this planet.” With that, the duo zipped off and began devouring a tower of food on a single table.

“So, honey, what would you like to eat?” The girls looked behind them, seeing a sentient hotdog holding hands with a sentient bun. “Just make sure to save room for me.” the sausage said smoothly. “Just leave enough room for me to, eh… slip on in there.” He pressed himself to the bun.

“Ooo, huhuhuhuhu!” The bun giggled.

The girls felt sick to their stomachs. “On second thought, I’m not hungry.” Hannah said, walking down the stairs off the burger.

“Yeah.” Barbara agreed.

“Sigh. Towerists.” The Butcher mumbled.

“It’s TOURISTS!” Diana Mouse squeaked.

“How can this place look so delicious and feel so disgusting?” Hannah sighed. “I could really go for some of Jasminka’s cooking right now.”

“Hannah, Barbara, this is Akko. Do you read?” The two held up their wristwatches. “We’re all ready to go home now. Where are you guys?”

“Some kind of meat town. We’ll head back to you ASAP.” Barbara answered, the witches mounting their brooms.

“Akko, what of my impostor?” Diana asked.

“We have her with us, too.”

“Good. We can talk to her on our way back to—”

“Er… scratch that.”

“What?”

“The impostor just vanished.”

Whole Cake Chateau; Throne Room

“So, Lala… have you finished analyzing your nephew’s memories?”

“Yes, Grandma. And I can say with absolute certainty… the person he seems to love most is MaKayla King.” Lala pulled a strip of film out of her mind, displaying the girl in question. “The Great Clock’s Keeper.”

“Well, well… seems fate is working in our favor.” Sherry’s grin became a crescent. “Indeed, I may very well be hosting four weddings this March.”

“Hehehe… You aren’t actually thinking of marrying two children, are you?”

“Have you forgotten, Dearie? This is Sweetopia! Where happy endings become reality! And I can marry whoever I want, regardless of sex, race, or age! After all, you are engaged to a skeleton.”

“Well, that’s true, but… hehe, we’re still legal age.”

“And SO are Terry and the timebender, as far as my planet’s law is concerned. The question is, how do we seize a group of timebenders?” The queen stroked her bloated chin. “Well… since we got to talking about them, how about we show them the Breakfast Club’s terror?!”

The two Chess Guys standing outside the chamber were eavesdropping on the conversation. One of them was secretly a gray alien in a disguise. “Those damn witches aren’t keeping me away from my sexy Pringle.” He spoke passionately. “…That talking hotdog from Meatropolis looked tasty as ***.”

Luna Nova; Sector LN Base

“Lunch will be ready soon, guys!” said little Jasminka, using a stepstool to be able to cook on the stove.

“Smells fantastic!” Hannah beamed. “Did you use to cook when you were this young?”

“Uh-huh. I helped my mom cook all the time.”

“Glad to see age hasn’t slowed us down.” Amanda smirked, flexing a muscle.

“Yeah, but maybe this is our chance to raise you properly this time.” Hannah remarked.

“I’ll settle with raising my fist into your chin as soon as I grow up.”

After they had returned, Diana collected everyone’s memories and sorted them into vials. She poured the memories into her Pensieve and began to review them. “Well, thanks to Amanda’s group, we have information on every major member of the Big Mom Pirates. And as for Akko… well, you certainly seemed like you were enjoying your conversation.” She squeezed the water from her hair.

“I know! I really didn’t expect to hit it off with her so well. But it’s like, we have so much in common!”

“As if Akko wasn’t a freak before.” Barbara remarked with a, “Oh ho ho ho!” She was on her knees while young Lotte stood on a chair and combed her hair.

“Hold still.” Lotte stated.

“I will send the information about the pirates to the Supreme Leader. But even so… it seems like we’ve learned nothing of the queen’s weaknesses.” Diana said with regret.

“Well, we don’t really need that.” Akko replied. “We just needed to know what she likes so we can know what to give her.” With a firm expression, the Muggle-born witch marched up to a desk with a notebook ready. “So with that… it’s time to begin planning the Birthday Magic Fest!” Her pen loaded with ink, she vigorously drew her vision on the paper.

Definitely expect to see more of the Kiddie Corn in the future, because they’re some of the sweetest little devils to ever walk this cosmos. X3 Butcher is from WordGirl.

Chapter Text

Kids, the characters in this chapter will teach you to have a healthy and balanced breakfast. :)

Iceland

Twilight swept over Reykjavík, but no one could tell due to the gloomy, cloudy sky. Knowing two of their friends had gone to Big Mom’s territory, they felt rather uneasy. “I bet Suki’s playing on the Oil Ice Mountain. It’s probably really cold in this weather.” George smiled. “You wanna join her?”

“I don’t feel like it.” MaKayla replied, staring at the Chrono Staff in her lap. “I…I have a bad feeling, but I don’t know what it is…”

Boom. Boom. Boom.

“Is it that?” Miyuki asked. At first, they thought it was a car outside playing its boombox. But even cars could not shake the earth at this magnitude, where even their treehouse rumbled and plates fell from the cabinets. So, the three rushed to the window, seeing a large, moving structure rolling over the neighborhood.

BO-BOM-BOM-BEE! BOOM-BOOM-BEE! BOOM-BOOM-BEE! BOOM-BOOM-BEE!

Sector IC could not believe what they were seeing: a pirate ship that looked like a giant ovular cereal bowl, with a sail that depicted a four-leaf clover, but what really took the cake were the four massive tiger-striped tires that carried the vessel across land. The ship rocked up and down to the beats of the boombox, and it gave little care as the tires rolled over innocent homes. The base of the ship opened and released steam, and within that steam, five figures were present. The five stepped out from the steam and were revealed to be a leprechaun, a muscular tiger, a short man with a white mustache and blue navy uniform, an orange cuckoo bird with a long beak, and a white rabbit.

Wearing sunglasses and gold rings with clover symbols, the leprechaun began to rap. “Orange star horse shoe, clovers and blue moons! The BK’s here to spell out yo’ doom! The name’s Luck-Luck-Lucky, and I got the Lucky Charms!” He slapped his crotch before whipping guns out of his pockets. “Take a big bite kids, it really AIN’T no harm!” He shot Lucky Charms into the mouths of children, outside and in homes, and the marshmallows swelled inside their throats, causing them to choke.

“Don’t mess with the yo ho, Bozo. Better chew before you swal-low, Bobo.” The parents desperately tried to force the food out of their children’s mouths, but to no avail.

“This furry white trash can’t ditch them Trix. He had enough o’ them trashy shits.” Lucky directed to Trix the Rabbit, anger fuming in his spinning rainbow eyes as he grit his cracked teeth. “Wait’ll they see, he got tricks his own, they gon’ feel in they brittle bones!”

“Hehehe! Silly rabbit!” laughed Trix. “Trix are for kids! LIKE THIS!” He YANKED a rope, flipping a group of playground kids upside-down and smashing their skulls together. He kept pulling the rope to continue cracking their crowns.

“Don’t mess with the hobo, mo’ fo’. Or we gonna get all mojo, JoJo.” The kids presented the yogurt to Trix with pleading eyes, but he grabbed their arms and squeezed them ’til blood squirted out.

“Who-are-we, who-are-they, whatchu wanna know? This tiger’s stripped and he’s ready to go.” Tony the Tiger flexed his muscular abs, dragging two high school boys by the necks. “He whips them boys up into shape, just stuff ’em full of Frosty Flakes!”

Tony poured Frosted Flakes into the boys’ mouths, turning their bones brittle as he then bent them and wrapped them together. “They’re grrrrrrREAT! For flexibility!” With the boys now in the shape of a single large ball, Tony imbued them with Armament Haki and KICKED with the force of a cannonball, destroying seven houses in a row as the “ball” leaked red.

“Don’t mess with the to-to, home bro. That’s a bigga-bigga no no, o’ foe.” Tony molded another ball out of two boys and started spinning them on his claw tip, using his other finger to push down on it and drill a hole.

“His dada was a chicken and mama was a cow, they died eatin’ cereal and he didn’t care how.” Sonny the Cuckoo Bird had feathers falling apart, and he was shuddering as if from a constant cold. “Last thing he knows is puffing cocoa, it’s all he needs to fill his BOWL!”

He filled a bowl with Cocoa Puffs, but instead of eating them, he huffed them into his nose. THUMP! The music stopped. “I’m-. I’m-! I’M-! CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS, CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS!” He zipped all around town at blinding speeds, and several people found their selves with holes in their stomachs, as part of Sonny’s attempt to search their bellies for more Cocoa Puffs. Everyone desperately tried to hold in their organs.

“Don’t mess with the cocoa, Ocho. He gets macho with his mocha, yo’ know?” Sonny saw a little boy about to eat a spoonful of cereal and rushed to EAT the spoon, along with the kid’s arm. …Turns out, it was the wrong cereal.

“I got a hunch ya won’t want this for lunch, this midget will munch and give a good crunch.” Captain Crunch sported a giant, creepy grin and hammered his boulder teeth. He sunk his teeth into the ground and began to eat through the road, sidewalks, and yards like a Chain Chomp. “Eat ya out of your house and homes, he’ll shave this island until it’s dome.”

Captain Crunch made his signature whistle just as he finished the circle. A massive chunk of the neighborhood sunk far beneath the Earth’s surface. “Geh huh huh! That felt good for my molar!” his teeth clacked.

“Don’t mess with the cho-cho, no bo’. He’ll getcha like the po-po, Yo Joe.” Captain Crunch began creating airwaves with his teeth, creating teeth-shaped rifts in peoples’ houses, as well as in the bodies of any morsels in his wake.

Standing in the street, Sector IC were mortified: in just a single song, their entire neighborhood had been reduced to ruin, houses crumbled and people injured and crying. “Don’t mess with the yo ho…” The Breakfast Club were approaching the timebenders. “Don’t mess with the yo ho…” The song steadily faded away.

“Yow. What-What’s up, tiddy tikes?” Lucky greeted them, flashing teeth with gold braces. “We here to get all hoe-down in this hootenanny?”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’re with the Big Mom Pirates?” George assumed.

“That’s rrrrrrrrrrRIGHT!” Tony perked up.

“Does…Does this have something to do with Lola and Terry?” Miyuki asked quietly.

“We have a schedule to keep, boys, so let’s make this quick.” Crunch said.

“STOP them!” George ordered. (Play “Bad Luck Charm” from RWBY!)

The three timebenders combined their powers to freeze all five of the Breakfast Club in place. “Good. I’ll start rewinding and fixing everyone’s injuries.” MaKayla ran to each ruined house and restored it to form. “After this, we’ll have to make a plan to visit Sweetopia. I have a feeling something bad happened to Terry and Lola-”

“KAYLA!” Miyuki cried, too late as Sonny stabbed her friend in the back, spinning rapidly before chucking Kayla away. The cereal icons escaped their Stop and attacked the others. Tony furiously swiped his claws at George, the boy dodging backwards as his shirt was torn. Trix hopped behind George and threw rapid punches, chi-blocking George and kicking him into Tony. The tiger grabbed him and shoved Frosted Flakes down his throat, making his bones brittle as Tony bent him into a ball. Bouncing him like a basketball, Tony forcefully slammed him against  the corner of the sidewalk.

Miyuki expanded an Age Circle and tried to reverse Crunch’s age, but the captain gnashed at her before she had the chance, forcing Miyuki to dodge. She fired Chrono Beams as a backup plan, but Crunch crushed them in his teeth and ate a path toward Miyuki, who Stopped him again. Miyuki got to his side and shot a Chrono Beam, but the Stop wore off quickly as Crunch burrowed underground. Miyuki tried to run from her spot, but found that her shoes were glued to the ground by Lucky’s swollen marshmallows. “AAH!” The ground beneath her feet exploded, propelling Miyuki in the air as Crunch leapt to eat her like a fish.

An Ice Road whooshed across the air, seizing Miyuki as Crunch bit into the ice. “SUKI!” Miyuki beamed, her sister holding her in her arms as Suki slid to a halt on the ground.

“Sister-chan, someone made a avalanche on the mountain!”

“I know, it was—SUKI, WATCH OUT!”

Captain Crunch CHOMPED Suki’s head clean off, but the icebender retaliated by freezing him solid. Afterwards, Suki’s head grew back from her ice body. “Don’t worry, Miyuki! I lose my mind lots of times!”

“That girrrrrl’s a LOGIA!” Tony jumped. “Leave her to me!” He discarded George and ran to BASH Suki’s head with a Haki punch. She bounced along the ground as blood dripped, but with a firm expression, she was back on her feet and shooting icicles at the tiger. Crunch escaped from the ice and resumed chasing Miyuki, who slowed time to escape him faster.

MaKayla used Rewind on George, undoing his ball form and fixing his injuries plus chi-block. “AAH!” Her leg was caught in Sonny’s beak as the bird bashed her back-and-forth against the pavement. Sonny released, and as Kayla flew across the air, the bird sped over and KICKED her away. MaKayla jumped out and shot Chrono Bullets from her staff, Sonny dodging and zipping at her again. “Za Wārudo!” Kayla Stopped time for the entire universe, aggressively bashing Sonny with her staff. “I don’t have time for you. I’ve got to help these people!” When the Stop wore off, Sonny suffered the damage done to him, and Kayla quickly resumed repairing houses and healing people.

“Yicky yicky YEEHAW!” Lucky shot bullets in the air like a cowboy. “Yo chicky-chicky ain’t NO WAY you gon’ save all dese people! DON’T YOU run from ME, Chicky Mick!” He shot bullets at MaKayla to bind her feet, but Lucky realized it was a red clone created from a Time Recordance. MaKayla had gone in the other direction to fix houses, so Lucky chased her and shot Unlucky Charms. Her feet were binded again, but she became a green Time Clone, and the real MaKayla BASHED Lucky in the back of the head. The leprechaun bounced to recovery, running circles around her and shooting marshmallows, all of which she deflected with Rewind by twirling her staff, causing his guns to get clogged.

George slowed time to swiftly dodge Trix’s punches, but the rabbit evaded his as well and threw a punch to George’s stomach. Trix then leapt with legs around George’s neck, choking the boy while punching his head. George struggled to pull the legs off, then he bit the right leg and was able to get Trix off him. “Ha ha—HO!” George fell into a pitfall and was caught in a net, and Trix jumped in and stamped George with his paws. The net sunk down and shot up, springing Trix skyward like a trampoline as he came down with a Screw Kick and doubled the damage for George.

Miyuki froze Crunch in time and kept trying to shoot his teeth with Chrono Beams, but they were immune to her strikes. “Grrr. How do you grow teeth that big?” Curious, she went to touch the frozen Crunch.

The short captain had his teeth ripped out as crewmen began to stick a massive pair of dentures into his mouth.

“So, you had your old teeth swapped out for these?!”

Crunch escaped from the Stop and replied, “Uh huh huh! These teeth came from the mouth of a Titan. But I still make sure to eat my vegetables.” Crunch chomped shockwaves at the air behind Miyuki, biting off the bark of the treehouse. Miyuki gasped when the tree began to topple, so she threw her arms up to Rewind it. She succeeded in the act, but- “AAAAH!” nothing stopped Crunch from catching her legs.

“SISTER!” Suki shot icicles at the big-toothed pirate, but Tony grabbed her head and shoved her against the ground. Suki spread her ice to his arm and froze Tony’s entire body afterward. She escaped and rolled upright to freeze Crunch’s body, but failed to complete the act as Tony escaped the ice and smashed Suki with a Slam-dunk Attack.

“I wanna know who this girl is,” Tony began, lifting the unconscious Suki by the arm, “but all that matters is, sheeeeeee’s FOOD!” And he prepared to sink his hardened teeth into her neck.

“NO! NOT SUKI, PLEASE!” Miyuki cried.

“Yow, it seems we gotcho’ chilly chonga.” Lucky smirked, pointing his clogged gun at Suki. MaKayla turned to her with horror. “I’m thinkin’ To-To be settin’ ta eat ’er, Skeeter.”

“What do you want, anyway?!” Kayla demanded.

“We want YOU!” Trix stated. “Queen Sherry demands your attendance, so you better share it with her!”

“The hell does she want me for?!”

“It ain’t our bozo, we just came to go-go.” Lucky replied. “So you wanna row-row, or it’s a no-no?”

Kayla’s heart raced with anxiety. With all odds against them, she saw only one way out of this. “Time Gate, OPEN!” She stamped the butt of the staff to the ground and unlocked Time Fury. “Massive Rewind!” A massive Time Bubble encased the entire town, and she began to repair the injuries of everyone in town.

“’ey, what’s the jiz with this frizzy biz?!” Lucky asked.

“I’ve healed all the people you injured.” MaKayla’s Fury disappeared. “And mark my words, I can do a lot worse if you hurt us any more.” Except every time I use Time Fury, I lose 10 years of my lifespan. “But since you need me so badly, then I’ll go with you if you promise to leave this town alone. But if you hurt anyone else, I’ll Fury Up and wipe you from existence.”

“Yow, chilly out, Clicky Clock.” Lucky raised hands in surrender. “We go all pacifist so y’all won’t have a hissy-fit. A’ight boys, let go o’ them missy fits.”

“MaKayla, are you crazy?!” George shouted.

“Relax, George. At least I might be able to visit Lola and Terry this way. For now, just stay and help repair the houses.”

The three could only watch as the Breakfast Club escorted her to their big-tired battleship. An elevator lowered from the hull, the six stepping on as they were lifted up to the ship. “And chi-blocked.” Hisoka immediately stuck a sticker to the back of her head.

“Uh—HEY!” Kayla whipped around—Tony and Trix grabbed her by the arms.

“Open wide.” Hisoka forced her mouth open and poured the vial of blood down her throat. Kayla choked and tried to spit it out… but in a moment, her blue eyes glowed pink.

“T…Terry…” MaKayla felt warm feelings from the thought of him. “Oh, Terry… I miss you, my darling…”

“It’s working.” Hisoka smirked. “She should be out of it for a while.”

“Yo, dafaq you gonna ruin all MY hard work.” Lucky stated. “Blast them boom-booms.”

As the ship rolled across town, cannons fired furiously and destroyed hundreds of surrounding homes, the horrified operatives rushing to repair what little they could. That was when pink beams struck the houses and turned them into chocolate. “Buu no like when mean kids ruin Buu’s friends’ playtime.” Majin Buu hovered above them, the operatives shock-ridden by his strange appearance. “Buu think you need time out in Buu’s tummy! Bibidi Babidi BUU!” He cast a beam at George and turned him into a white lollipop.

“Suki!” Miyuki threw a gray Time Bomb at her sister, and Suki vanished in an instant. A second later, Buu turned her into a peppermint.

“Huh? Where did other girl go? Oh well. Buu eat her later.” Buu picked up the timebenders and tossed them down his throat.

“Yo, Bibidi Bop, we ready to make a hole outta this fridge or what-what?” Lucky asked.

“Translation: is Buu ready to ditch Iceland? Buu says, ‘Yes’!” And so, the Majin took to the sky. Once the Breakfast Club made up for their lost progress, they returned to space, the evening restless from the head-pounding boombox. (End song.)

When Miyuki had struck Suki just now, she turned her sister into a very tiny sperm, Rewinding her age to pre-birth. However, the effect wore off just a moment after they left. Suki shook her head of the feeling and stood up. “I can’t believe I used to be a wormy in my mommy’s tummy.” She faced up at the ascending pirate ship. “Sister-chan…”

Sector LN Base

“Okay, I think I’ve made a pretty good rough draft for a magic show.” Akko said as she showed each of her friends her notebook. “Now we only have a month to rehearse and make the greatest birthday ever!”

“W-Wait a second!” Lotte flushed after reading the script. “You want me to… sing?!”

“Well, yeah! Queen Sherry LOVES musicals! And you have the voice of an angel, Lotte.”

“B-B-But I don’t do so well in front of crowds… especially when I have a g-g-gun to my head.” A waterfall of sweat trickled down her skin.

“Relax, we’ll just give all the students guns and aim them at you to help us rehearse.” Amanda joked.

“I’ve returned from Moonbase, everyone.” Diana announced as she reentered the room.

“Diana? What were you doing on Moonbase?”

“I requested the Supreme Leaders to summon some operatives from the Gem KND in New Galaxia. Specifically, ones that could tell about Pink Diamond and her weaknesses, considering the queen is using it for her power source.”

“And what did they say?” Lotte asked.

“Unfortunately… no one knew of any specific weaknesses Pink Diamond had. But it was rumored that all Gems who discovered this weakness were shattered, so they could never tell another soul. Furthermore… based on the Gem KND’s investigations, several pale Rose Quartzes were discovered. Since Pink Diamond was an advanced Rose Quartz, it’s possible that all those Gems were sacrificed and absorbed to restore power to the diamond, even though Pink Diamond’s soul could not be recalled. And the original Rose Quartz that once absorbed Pink Diamond’s essence never parted knowledge of the weakness unto anybody.”

“So, the only way to actually damage Sherry is to be stronger than her.” Amanda figured, recalling Akko’s recap of the Bowser story. “Otherwise, she’s invincible thanks to that Pink Diamond. Just like Pilaf said.”

“It’s true, I’ve seen it myself!” Pilaf insisted. “Grandma fought with her own commanders, she was shot by battleship cannons, and she didn’t even get a scratch.”

“No, but I do have a theory as to how she was revived.” Diana mentioned. “Remember when I fought Gruntilda? Her soul tried to escape from her skull, but I was able to call it back using a magic inscription designed to contain spirits. It’s possible that Queen Sherry was revived with the same spell. Likely put there by one of her crewmen. Unfortunately, if I can’t see for myself how the inscription was conjured, I won’t know how to properly undo it. If we only knew which member cast the spell, we could attempt to borrow their memories.”

“I bet you anything it was that genie thing she was with.” Amanda reminded.

“Maybe, but we can’t be certain.”

“Look, we can talk about this later.” Akko stated impatiently. “We need to start rehearsing, Diana. I know it doesn’t concern you as much because you won’t be executed, but to the rest of us, it’s a big deal!”

“How can you imply I—errgh!…” Diana pinched her nasal bridge. “Akko, I understand why you’re passionate about this, but we have to assume the worst case scenario. The odds are heavily against us. Whether we can provide a good performance or not, we must be ready with a plan of escape. For that reason… I have asked that Sector SD be ready on standby to provide us backup.”

“Wouldn’t Sector V be a better option?” Amanda asked.

“I don’t know if you know this, but Queen Sherry seems to disfavor Sector V. If we brought them to Sweetopia, the pirates would hold nothing back. Sector SD is the safer option in that regard. However, if it comes to an escape, Jasminka and I will have to fight, too, so the queen may punish us along with Luna Nova. It may be wise to have everyone evacuate regardless-”

“We can avoid ALL these problems if we just give her a good show!” Akko insisted. “Don’t you guys think that maybe we’re looking at this the wrong way? Everyone says Queen Sherry is an enemy, so obviously we’re supposed to think that, too. But when I spoke to her, she didn’t seem like a dangerous supervillain. She sounded like a real person with interests and feelings.”

“Even the part about cutting our heads off?” Sucy asked.

“Grrrr, you threaten to cut my head off among other things all the time! ! I really think we can change everyone’s impression of her when we give her this show. I think…I think she can be our friend.”

“Akko, even today, her pirates continue to raid towns and even kill people. Regardless if she seems to favor you, she is a threat. All her crewmen are. And as Kids Next Door, it is our duty to collect as much information as we can. Because one way or another, we will have to destroy her, too.”

“…Maybe we will… but it won’t be now. Right now, Queen Sherry is my fan. And I’ll give her a show or die trying. But if you guys don’t want to be a part of it, maybe you’ll be spared.”

“… … … Of course I want to be a part of it.” Diana said with a slight loss of breath.

“Me, too.” Lotte cried, lifting her glasses so they don’t get wet. “I could never forgive myself if I let you die because I wouldn’t sing.”

“I’m not scared of her.” Amanda stated. “What about you, Jasminka?”

“I’ll give it everything I have!”

“Yeah… we’ll do it.” Hannah nodded, Barbara agreeing. “Just tell us what you want us to do, Akko.”

“Then our rehearsal officially begins!”

Mushroom World; Kongo Jungle

“Damn those Big Mom Pirates!” a Kremling cursed as he and his crewmates chased a tower of Golden Bananas. “WE called dibs on the Kongs’ bananas LONG before they did!”

“Shut up and start shooting!” The crocodiles shot guns at the candy-made carriage.

“HO HO!” The guns were sliced by a bladed shield, which returned to its master. “If you wish to seize the Golden Bananas, you must first defeat me: General Tsao Chicken!” Their opponent was a humanoid chicken in purple samurai armor.

“Oi, we ain’t gonna chicken away from a chicken!” The Kremlings charged at Tsao, but the chicken swiftly cut them down with a katana.

“I am no chicken, imbeciles. I am of the Rito Tribe, and I am the strongest Rito of all. WAAAH!”

At that instant, Tsao was severed in half by a blue lightsaber, wielded by a blonde-haired woman in white khaki shorts and a blue top. “Should’ve stayed in your egg, chicken!”

“AR-HAR! THAT’S our Noah!” a Kremling cheered.

“Easy does it… eh?” However, when she looked down, Noah realized Tsao’s body had dissolved into an egg yolk.

The yolk swelled up, and in an instant, Tsao BURST out and onto the branch of a tree, clothed like a ninja as he whirled nun-chucks. “Oh, but it is not over easy, because with the power of the Egg-Egg Fruit, General Tsao has been reborn anew.”

“Dammit! Kremlings, go after the bananas, I’ll deal with this ninja.”

“Aye, Ma’am, he’s all yours!” The Kremlings resumed their pursuit.

“COCKA-DOODLE-DOOOOOO!” cried General Tsao.

“COCKA-DOODLE-DOOOOOO!” Suddenly, the sky was filled with ordinary Cuccos! The airborne chickens swarmed the Kremlings, knocking them down and pecking them into the ground.

Tsao dropped down and lashed the nun-chucks, but Noah severed them with her lightsaber. Tsao drew kunai instead, using Haki to harden them as they clashed with the saber. Noah glanced at her crewmates and yelled, “Come on, they’re just chickens, show them who’s boss!”

“We’re trying, but they are surprisingly effective!”

Tsao stabbed the kunai at Noah, but she flipped overhead and sliced him perfectly down the middle! Again, he morphed into an egg, so Noah furiously stabbed the yolk. The attack was ineffective as Tsao grew again, blowing Noah away as he popped out as a beefy sumo wrestler. “Ugh… enemies were never this annoying back in the old days.” Noah sighed.

Sweetopia

“Yawn…” Terry awoke to the sound of a running faucet and determined that his sister was using the Sweet Soap bath. Since he had already taken a bath last night, he decided to get dressed for the day. “Sigh… only a month of living in Sweet Land to go.”

“Hey, Terry!” His father knocked on his door. “Are you kids up yet, we got a surprise for you!”

With only the slightest curiosity as to what this could be, Terry answered the door. “GYUH-!”

He was staring at a mirror image of himself, but with slightly different clothes and yellow hair. “Are you my Negative or something?!”

“No, dude!” Bartie wrapped an arm around his neck. “I’m your dad! One of our cousins has age-reversing powers. We’re KIDS again!”

“Yeah, but what sucks though is I can’t smoke like this.” Virginia said, lighting a candycane cigarette. When she tried to smoke it, her 10-year-old body coughed from the disgusting taste.

“Hey, Terry, whatchu doing?” Lola asked, having come out of the bathroom. “WHAT THE FRICK?!” she yelped at the sight of their parents. “It’s US, except we switched hair colors!”

“Guess again!” Lala glomped them from behind. She was now an 8-year-old girl in a flower dress. “With Pilaf’s help, I can finally grow up with my brother and his girlfriend!”

“This is… so weird…” Lola said.

“Whoever this Pilaf is, I’m guessing he’s a timebender.” Terry figured.

“Well, shoot, we can just ask Miyuki to do this if we want to.”

“Who’s Miyuki?” Bartie asked.

“Miyuki. You know, our teammate. The gloomy chick?”

“First time we’ve heard of her.” Ginny replied.

“You’re…You’re joking, right?” Terry failed to see the humor in this joke.

Lola gasped. “What if Miyuki was turned into a toy by Sugar?! Just like Cheren was!”

“But then we would forget her, too.”

“Oh, yeah. …Didn’t really understand how her power worked, to be honest.”

“What’re you talking about now?” Ginny asked.

“You remember that green-haired girl who could turn people into toys?” Terry asked. “Then she grew from 10 to 23 in one month?”

“Is that from a show or something?”

“N-No, it…it really happened.”

“Bzzzzrbt!” An Ancient Robot from Planet Secco rolled up to them. “Lady Lala! The Broodals have come. They want to speak to the guests, szzzichor.”

“Oh! We better go see what this is.” Lala said, racing down the hall as fast as her little legs could.

As her family followed her, Pilaf, Shu, and Mai peeked out from another room. Pilaf’s two assistants were remarkably older than they were before. “Eh heh heh heh. It looks like it’s working.” Pilaf smirked. “Normally, Lala’s memory-wiping powers become nullified when something sparks the lost memories inside her victims. But when she uses them on people that I’ve age-regressed, the effect grows stronger. After all, if you never knew certain people when you were kids, you won’t remember them. Even after they turn back into adults.”

“But if Lala gets knocked out or something, the spell will wear off either way.” Shu said worriedly.

“Not if you keep your mouth shut! Besides, I’m sure Grandma has a backup plan just in case that happens.”

As the Storks followed Lala, Terry’s shadow flew ahead and examined her face. Tael could detect the faintest hint of doubt and regret within her three eyes. He never really sensed that before—but then again, emotions were a lot easier to see on a child’s face than an adult’s.

When they arrived at the front entrance, Lala stood on her tippy-toes to answer the door. “Ah, hello Minister… Lala?” The Broodal, Topper cocked a brow at her young appearance. The other Broodals were behind him. “Ahem… we’ve been sent by Great Grandma. She wants to speak to the boy.”

Lala glanced behind at her brother and her nephew. “Ugh, she means the brown-haired boy!” Harriet stated.

“What the hell does she want me for?!” Terry asked.

“Don’t ask questions! Just come with us!” Topper demanded, his heart racing in fear.

“Does she have to right now?” Lala asked sadly. “I was hoping to spend a nice, fun day with the family.”

“We’ll bring him right back afterwards. Just let us get this over with.”

Terry fixed a glare on them. “Only if they can come with me.”

“Only you. Grandma wants to give you something special.”

Terry glanced at his sister. She felt equally as suspicious as he did. “Fine. Then let’s get it over with.”

Terry joined the Broodals aboard the Bridal Barge. Just as he did with Lala, Tael could see the fear in the rabbits’ eyes as well.

Meatropolis

“I feel like I might be overy-acting,” the Butcher opened his heart to the customer, “but I feel like the boss doesn’t take me seriously. Maybe it’s ’cause of the way I mispronce words. But it’s not my fault, honest.” He pronounced the ‘H’ in that word. “I mean, you know what I mean?”

“Oh, Gramma understands.” Gramma Stuffum replied understandingly. “Zere are things Gramma is not good at herself. Like making a little boy swell with haggis intestines.”

“Well, at least someone in the family understands.” Butcher smiled. “I just wish I could help my crew more. But no matter what, I get my butt kicked. Ham-alanch, Salami Slam, Chicken Pot Pow.” He formed meat that represented the attacks. “But it never works, and General Tsao starts calling me names.”

“You ever feel like zis is maybe not ze right line of work for you?”

“Mmm… maybe a little…”

Unfortunately, their conversation was making the line of customers angry. “Well, it looks like we won’t be eating there.” Lola figured, the family riding a Lakitu cloud. “Why can’t we go to the Breakfast Backstreets?”

“Because that’s the Breakfast Club’s turf.” Lala answered. “Even family members are scared of them. They might not kill you, but you won’t feel the same after an encounter with them.”

Bartie cocked a brow. Seeing the hint of upset on his sister’s face brought back memories. “Speaking of not feeling the same, you don’t look so good, Lala. Are you tired or something?”

“Nope!” Lala beamed. “Just… got a lot on my mind. What, with being married to a guy that doesn’t like me. You think Jack would find it weird, seeing me like this?”

“Nah, Jack is kind of a child himself deep down.” Ginny shrugged. “Still, if you two don’t get used to each other, nothing wrong with a long-distance marriage.”

“Hm hm hm… if only we all had that luxury…”

Whole Cake Chateau

When the ship landed at the start of the bridge, the Broodals walked with Terry to the castle gates. The fear in their hearts grew with every step that brought them closer to the Breakfast Club at the entrance. “Ahem… w-w-w-we’ve brought the boy.” Harriet stuttered.

“Yaw, that’s diggeh dog, ya chickety ribbity.” Lucky replied, flashing gold teeth as always.

“Ehm… what?”

“HE SAID ‘THANK YOU FOR BRINGING HIM, YOU DUMB RABBIT’!” Trix shouted.

“OKAY, I’M SORRY! P-Please!”

“Nah, it’s chilly-willy, Hairy Berry.” Lucky came and put an arm around Terry. “We take the trubuh from here, bruduh. Sniiiiiiiifffff…” He decided to press his nose into Topper’s head, the lead Broodal shaking in his fur. “Ah always liked you da best, Timmeh Turndog.”

And with that, the Breakfast Club escorted Terry into the castle. It was clear the Broodals were merely afraid of this group, but Terry felt they were the least of his worries now. What scared him more, for some reason, was the pudgy pink marshmallow that waited before Grandma’s throne. “Hi, Cousin Terry. Grandma will be happy to see you. Buu know you be happy to see this. Aaaaaa…”

The Majin opened his mouth like a vortex and- “AAAAAH!” swallowed Terry in one great gulp. He miraculously seemed to shrink as he slid all the way down to Buu’s stomach. “!!” His face going pale, George King and Miyuki Crystal were encased in red cocoons. “G…Guys?!”

“POO!” And Terry went flying out of the Majin’s air holes, poofing back to normal size in a blink. “YOU! What’ve you done to them?!”

“Don’t be scared, Terry.” Buu replied sweetly. “Buu let friends live if Terry do what Grandma says.”

“Huh huh, don’t keep her waiting.” Captain Crunch pushed open the giant door.

Feeling as if an unseen force were controlling him, Terry walked into the throne room. Still guarding the chamber, Roger the Alien would listen intently.

Throne Room

“A beautiful magic show… a fantastic side-dish to come with my holy Family Cake.” A pink cake of Psychic Chi drifted above the queen, with Akko’s little likeness swirling around it. “It will be like eating TWO heavenly meals for the price of one!”

“Yes, yes… I’m sure it will be a very wonderful show.”

“Speaking of which, Goomnut.” Sherry fixed a malicious glare on her little mushroom “It seems that you don’t enjoy the young witch’s company. Mark my words, I will know if you use your power to disrupt the show. And if you do… I will squash you FIRST!”

“Eh-!” The minister flushed red. “No, I would never do such a thing, Your Highness!” Drat, that’s exactly what I planned to do. Perhaps Her Majesty DOES have a plan… at least, I would like to hope that’s the case.

The creaking doors echoed, letting light into the dark room. A giant table divided Terry from Great Grandma, but stairs were available to bring the boy up to her. “You’ve arrived, my grandson.” Taking the cue, Goomnut took his leave, the door sealing the room. “Please, have a cup of cocoa.” Two humanoid kids with cupheads offered Terry to drink from them via straws.

Terry pushed the Cupheads down and marched closer. “Why have you captured my friends?!”

“Terry… why don’t we stop playing this game of pretend and cut to the facts?” Sherry rose to full height and approached her descendant imposingly. “I know you aren’t just here to fulfill the conditions of my invitation. You’re here on KND duty to spy on me. And I’m sure there are other operatives related to me that have flocked to my planet. I don’t really care about them. You, however… I have a very good feeling about you.”

“Wait a minute…” Realization dawned on him. “My parents didn’t remember our friends… It was Lala! You made Lala DO something, DIDN’T YOU?!”

“My sweet Lala only wishes to relive the childhood that she lost with her brother. She could have easily returned to you after Charlotte’s defeat… but instead, she chose to live in peace with the rest of her family. And she wants that for the rest of you. To forget the troubles of your old home life, the burdens of the KND, and live with your sweet grandma. So you see, Terry… you are not visiting Sweetopia. You are moving here.”

“The HELL I will! I’ll beat the shit out of that marshmallow, take my friends, and get the hell out of here!”

“Poor, sweet grandson…” Sherry softly stroked Terry’s chin with her giant finger. “I know change isn’t an easy thing to grasp… but you’ll find it might be better than you think. After all, 5,000 years in the Spirit World have given me plenty of time to catch up on things… and nothing has captured my heart more than fairytales.” She stepped around the table that her descendant was on. Prometheus and Zeus loomed overhead imposingly.

I admit that in the past, I’ve been a nasty

When the candy wouldn’t come, I’d flip a switch! *snaps fingers, and a flicker of pink psychic*

I’d get hungry, I’d get mad

Killed some pirates, they were sad

Slaughtered hundreds, maybe thousands

That was it! True? Yes…

But since then, I tried to be a little better…

Married off and had some children of my own *brushes her hand over the air, forming pink figures that represented numerous races*

And those children married off

To my in-laws, big and strong *those figures branched off into hundreds of descendants*

Now my family’s huge and my crew has really grown

PATHETIC! *she swiped the family tree away*

POOR unfortunate souls! *she stomps around the table behind Terry*

In pain… in need… *she lowers her face beside Terry, her expression mock sadness*

This one wants to be a flower, this one wants to be a cloud *figures form in her palms*

And do I help them? *she snaps, and they transform into those shapes* Yes indeed!

Sherry grabbed Terry and carried him around.

Those poor unfortunate souls

So sad… So true… *pink figures spawn around the floor, bowing to the queen*

They come flocking to my planet, saying

“Shelter, Grandma, please!”

And I help them? *snaps fingers, and all the figures have lollipops* Yes, I do!

Sherry set Terry back on the table, close to the Cupheads.

Now, it’s happened once or twice *draws a cake knife from her cleavage*

Someone couldn’t “Leave or Life” *the Cupheads panic and try to run*

And I’m afraid I had to see their heads would roll… *she swings the knife and beheads the Cupheads, Terry horrified*

Sure, you might just lose a limb! *shrugs, and then her face turns grim*

Or you MIGHT end UP like HIM! *she whips Augustus’s mask out of her cleavage*

And those POOR unfortunate SOOOOUUUULS…

Sherry marched over to a bowl of cookies, donuts, and cupcakes, trembling before her towering presence. She grabs a handful and throws them in her mouth as she sits down. “Ah ha ha ha ha! Ma ma ma ma! But that’s enough about me! Let’s talk about YOU for a second… Someone important is here to see you.” She reached into a giant present, grabbed something, and plopped it down beside Terry.

“M…MaKayla?” It certainly seemed like his friend, only her eyes were brimming pink as opposed to blue.

“She’s a little inebriated. Must’ve been something in her drink.” Sherry’s rotten teeth grinned.

“Mmmmm…” MaKayla hugged Terry and began softly kissing him. “Terry . . . I never realized how good you taste…”

“W…What did you do to her?!”

“I gave her a taste of the family blood. Or should I say… yours.” Terry was royally repulsed by this statement. “MMMMA MA MA! Can you imagine my luck that one of my descendants would be friends with the Keeper of the Great Clock? Now, once the two of you are married, we will have power over TIME as well!”

“Y-You can’t be serious! E-Even if I did like MaKayla… I couldn’t use her for that!”

“Oh, I think you will. You see, I’ve gone easy on the Kids Next Door until now.” She grabbed another handful of sweets. “But if you refuse to cooperate… I will show them NO MERCY!” She crushed the sweets as their little souls flew out. “Starting with your amoeba-sized friends.”

“B-But, we aren’t even old enough!”

“Yes, on YOUR planet, maybe. But on MY planet, I can marry off whoever I please! I can wed children to adults, an infant to a cucumber! On Sweetopia, there are no barriers between true love!”

“That’s… DISGUSTING! MaKayla, snap out of it!” Terry slapped the brainwashed girl, but her infatuation for him was unaffected.

“Ma ma ma! Come on, boy, why do you protest? All my other children are married to people they don’t even know, yet YOU’RE lucky enough to marry the one you love! The two of you will be living a life of luxury!”

“But, I-”

“YOU’LL HAVE YOUR WIFE!” Terry was startled by her sudden shout. “Your cooks and maids!” She walked away, swaying her rear. “And DON’T underestimate the powers… of BODY LANGUAGE!” She whipped around, jiggling her breasts. “HA!”

The women here don’t like a lot of blabber!

They think a guy with looks is quite the prize! *she pressed Terry and Kayla together*

Terry tried to speak to her, but Sherry stuck a beignet in his mouth.

See, in here it’s much preferred

For men to never say a word

And if they do, then I might cook them into pies! *Prometheus burned a giant pie as souls flew out of it*

I’m not all that impressed by your lame teammates!

An albino and that white-haired emo FREAK!

See, our Sweet Gene is the key

To delicious victory

Or else, IT’S A KND KILLING SPREE! *psychic treehouses formed, and they burst into flame*

Prometheus ignited and highlighted Sherry’s form while Zeus rumbled with thunder.

COME ON, YOU

Poor unfortunate soul!

GO AHEAD! Take your wife! *she forced the two to hug*

I’m a very busy pirate, and I haven’t got all day

It won’t cost much…

JUST YOUR LIFE! *she slammed the table and made them bounce*

You POOR UNFORTUNATE SOUL!

It’s sad… but true!

If you want to leave my planet, though

You have to pay a toll *she pulled out a roulette wheel and spun it*

Give an arm, or a leg, or else YOUR ASS can take a stroll!

ZEUS! PROMETHEUS! Now I got him boys

Big MOM is ON a ROOOOOLL!

Terry was too afraid to let go of Kayla, glancing up at the wicked woman. Pink flames ignited as she sung her last notes.

You POOR! UN! FORTUNAAAAATE! SOOOOOUUUUULLLL!

The screen grew darker as her insane expression moved in. Only her cake-covered laughing teeth were visible. “MMMMA MA MAAAAAA!”

Party Plaza; February 15

A few miles behind Whole Cake Chateau, a great long bridge stretched across the juicy sea to a secluded island cake. For most of the year, it was empty and lonely, but on this very special day, it was packed with family, friends, and any lucky citizens who could afford to attend. On this one day a year, this Party Plaza was broadcast for all the worlds to see.

“Good morning, people of the universe. Today marks a very special occasion on the Food Planet of Sweetopia, as people from all over gather to celebrate Grandma’s Day!”

“That’s right, Lynda. Due to the recent and possibly ungodly resurrection of Queen Sherbet Linlin, the Sweetians rejoice as they honor their Grandma on her long-awaited 66th birthday. Our president, Big Bird, has been fortunate enough to receive an invitation to the event. And judging by his annoying singing, he seems to be having one hell of a time.”

BIG NEWWWWWS!

My savior has arrived

My intuition’s never been so stroooong!

A river of people were flowing across the bridge and flooding into the party grounds. Giant sentient fountain cups were pouring waterfalls of tea and juice, allowing attendees to fill as much as they pleased. Big Bird gleefully danced with camera in hand, his Muppet friends dancing to the rhythm.

BIG NEWWWWWS!

My career has been revived

All I needed was Big Mama’s

Invitation all along

Take a party-loving Yonko

Add flare from some witches

An undead Pumpkin King

And his three-eyed fiancée!

Lala’s arm was wrapped around Jack’s, the king not bothering to look her in the eye as they showed the guard their invitations. Akko happily skipped up next and presented her card, the Nine Witches cloaked in white garbs.

And big neeewwwwws

REAL BIG NEWS

That poor sucker saved the daaaaaay

And down beneath the island dwelled a secret kitchen with a massive oven. Tonio Trussardi and his chefs were hard at work with the final touches of his masterpiece. “Soft and fluffy~ Moist and fluffy~” Tonio sang with an operatic voice. “Life… There’s no such thing!” The Rainbow Lollipop, Magic Caramels, Licorice Stalks, Fourth Flavor, and other marvelous wonders were lost within dough and flour. “A life of torment, the taste of tears~ (A pinch of salt) Tears of mortification~ (A tablespoonful)

“If that’s how it is, at least for your dessert!” The finished cake towered like an idol, and murals were created from the icing. “Don’t you want some sweet cake?” Tonio stuffed the leftover dough into the mouths of his chefs.

“O TONIO~” They bowed to him like a demigod.

King Mickey Mouse watched the party from the safety of his castle, paying especially close attention to Akko. He felt just as excited for what she could pass for a magic show.

And at Luna Nova, everyone amassed in the auditorium, praying with all prayer that their classmates would survive. “I can’t believe Akko gets to be on Intergalactic News.” Wangari said in envy.

“Oi, is that the only thing you care about? You loco.” Verde remarked.

“At least if she screws up, we know they won’t take it out on the school.” Teresa mentioned.

“Don’t say such a thing!” Finnelan stated. “This affects ALL of us! And even so, those nine deserve our support!”

“Please come home safely, Akko…” Molly McIntyre spoke in a very low whisper. The dark-skinned witch still longed to repay the debt she owed to Akko.

“We believe in you…” Ursula said, her heart racing with every minute before the show.

“Soft and fluffy…” Mr. Jelly, Cuppa Joe, and their Brotherhood friends stepped into the party with calm auras. “Moist and fluffy…” Queen Sherry was descending from the sky on Zeus.

“Ahh, my little witches are here.” Sherry beamed. “I can feel it, Minister… this is going to be a WONDERFUL day for me!”

The “Unfortunate Souls” and “Big News” parodies were both made by Rogersbase on YouTube. General Tsao is from Sly 3; lol remember how the Cuccos attack you in the Zelda games? Well, the moment we all awaited is finally here! Stay tuned for the big show.

Chapter Text

You ever get that feeling where you’re scheduled to give a presentation for a project you’ve been working on and you’re like super nervous? Well, that’s the feeling that Akko’s side-plot is supposed to represent. Because nothing is more relatable than the threat of execution. :)

…Wow, I gave myself goosebumps while writing this plot twist…

Party Plaza

“Listen to those Big WOOS as guests flock in from all across the universe!” Big Bird declared as the plaza was bouncing with sentient tables, cups, and sweets. “Watch as they all line up and present to Great Grandma their luxurious gifts! From the galactic mine of Knowhere in the Nicklodia Galaxy, it’s the Collector, Taneleer Tivan!”

“Good morning, Your Majesty.” Tivan bowed to the queen. “For a gift, I present to you, this Precursor Egg, the last relic of a fallen kingdom.” He held up a large green gem with a strange 8-like symbol.

“Aaaaahh! It’s beautiful!” Sherry wept as she picked the stone up. “This will look great on a wedding ring!”

“I’m delighted, Your Grace.” And with that, Tivan turned away, crying as he took a seat at a table.

“From Nicklodia’s Avatar Realms,” continued Big Bird, “it is the Princess of the Earth Kingdom, Hou-Ting!”

“TEE HEE HEE HEE!” laughed the 21-year-old princess, garbed in yellow and dark-green. “Happy birthday, Queen Sherbet! For my gift, I have brought this extremely rare BEAR!” Her guards had a sad-looking bear leashed by the neck.

“A BEAR?!” Sherry shouted with frustration. “Do you seriously believe that an ordinary bear is a suitable gift… Wait… the Avatar Realms should only have hybrid animals! Which means… this creature is one of a kind!” Sherry happily picked the bear up and squeezed it like a toy. “OH, you’ll look great in my zoo of mythical beasts!”

“Hello, Queen Sherry.” Princess Éclair was next in line, holding a golden compass whose interior was divided in seven colored pieces. “My gift to you will be the Marvelous Compass, the national treasure of my kingdom.”

“Oh, I am ever so grateful!”

Diana’s family occupied a table, next to Jasminka’s family. A mermaid girl named Sara was there: she had pink hair, a pink tail, and tannish skin. Sara remembered three years ago, when she helped Sector V in their quest to stop the old Big Mom. How ironic that she would be a Linlin, too.

The Scooby-Doo Gang was also here, thanks to Scooby and Shaggy’s relation. The two were happily devouring a tower of food. “It’s quite a mystery how all these objects can dance and sing.” Fred said.

“Like, here’s a real mystery: why have we been the same age for 67 years?” Shaggy asked.

“Must re a rime ristortion from the Reat Rock. Nee heeheeheehee!” Scooby snickered.

“Uncle Taco, Uncle Taco, we want hot sauce!” The Kiddie Corn crowded the Tostarenan excitedly.

“Spoon needs some too-soup.” Soup replied.

“Easy, little niños and niñas, one at a time!” Ernesto laughed, pouring sauce onto the children’s meat.

“There’s plenty for everybody!” Pea was riding her uncle’s sombrero, serving sauce to children behind him.

“Hey-hey, howza jowza bowza?” Lucky greeted the party-goers, many of whom kept a safe distance from the cereal killers. Compared to the others, their table felt very secluded. “’Membah to swing by Juicy Milky Juicy’s stand-bar for a slippity-slurp of Fleshy Flurp.”

“Translation: visit Sexy Smoothie’s Juice Bar for a healthy drink of Substance Smoothies.” Buu informed.

“Substance Smoothies?” Lotte asked as her friends approached the bar. “That’s a weird name.”

“Not weird at all.” Smoothie replied with a smile. “With the power of the Squeeze-Squeeze Fruit, I can make a drink out of anything. Would you like… volcanic rock?” The long-legged Amazon lifted a molten rock and squeezed the lava into a glass. Amazingly, the glass didn’t melt. It was merely hot juice. “How about Frost Dragon?” She casually pulled out a dragon by its neck from her Infi-Sack, squeezing the poor creature as ice-cold juice poured into the glass. “Or, our specialty, Powerpuff Punches!”

Smoothie lifted the Powerpuff Girls – Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup – and squeezed their liquids into a single glass. “P-Please… help us…” Blossom moaned, their bodies dry and shriveled.

The witches were horrified by this. “…I’ll have the Lava Juice.” Sucy replied.

“I’ll just take a regular smoothie.” Lotte said fearfully. “Is it… really okay to treat people like that?”

“Don’t worry, they’ll turn back after they drink something.”

“Okay…” Lotte glanced up at a banner that was close to the queen. Between the HAPPY GRANDMA’S DAY, a strange mask with sunglasses and blonde hair was mounted on it. She could almost hear the voice of a spirit inside it. “I get a bad feeling from this place.”

“Hey Mom, mind if I get something for my cousins real quick?” Sasha came and asked.

“Sasha, you have to learn how to wait in line like everybody else.” Smoothie replied.

“But they’re thirsty! C’mon, pleeeaaase?”

“Ugh. Fine, give them these Korok drinks.” She grabbed two Koroks (wooden children with leaf faces) and squeezed the essence out of them.

Sasha picked up the cups in her fingers and brought them to Lola and Terry. “Here ya go, champs! My mom’s smoothies are the best!”

“She has quite the legs on her, huh?” Bartie noticed.

“Yeah, some Amazonians are like that. But don’t you go flirting with her, Mom’s already set! Isn’t she, Dad?!” Sasha reached to her right and picked up a beefy man in a cowboy hat.

“She certainly is, sweetheart.” The man sighed.

“YOU’RE Sasha’s DAD?!” Ginny exclaimed. She would have expected another giant, not a normal-sized human.

“Yep! So, that’s how you can tell it’s true love.” Sasha raised two fingers and winked. “Speaking of, you kids got any crushes?”

“Go fuck off.” Terry told her.

“What?! Ehh, well excuse me!” Sasha replied in offense. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you all month! A bit playful, maybe, but I don’t think I deserve-”

“Just leave us alone!” Lola stated.

“Do what she says, Sasha.” Mr. Blouse requested. “Whatever is troubling them, give them time to calm down.”

“Sigh… Fine.” And so, the Amazon let them be.

“What’s been bothering you kids, anyway?” Ginny asked. “You’ve been like this ever since Grandma asked Terry to babysit the Kiddie Corn.”

Terry grit his teeth so hard, they almost shattered. Lola shared his feelings.

However, when Sasha left, Sucy noticed the family. “Hey, it’s Lola, the girl I met in November.”

“Oh, wow! Wanna go see them?” Lotte asked.

“Sure.” The two casually approached the Storks. “Hey, Lola.”

“Oh, Sucy!” The vampire perked up. “Don’t tell me YOU’RE our cousin, too!”

“No, just Jasminka. You wanna suck my blood again?”

“I don’t feel like blood…”

“Is something the matter?” Lotte asked.

Nothing except our teammates are probably being digested.

“What’d you say?” She faced Terry in shock.

“Huh? I didn’t say anything.”

The shadow, Tael perked up: apparently, the blonde witch could hear shadows. He flew up to Lotte’s shadow and whispered, Our teammates are trapped inside that pink marshmallow thing. They’re trying to force Terry to marry MaKayla, or else they’ll be killed. Lotte gasped, turning toward the Breakfast Booth. Majin Buu was happily eating plate after plate of candy.

Glaring at the genie, Lotte approached Diana. “Diana, you see that pink thing? He’s the Majin, right?”

“Yes. They live above Sindria, where Sector SD is located. They’re masters of wandless magic and live for hundreds of years. They also have gelatin bodies capable of regeneration, but doing so costs them energy.”

“Right. …Diana, listen-”

“Oh, ladies?” Lotte flinched when Minister Goomnut approached them. “You are scheduled to go up in 10 minutes.”

“Oh, dear! We better go set up!” Akko exclaimed.

“This way, please.” Goomnut escorted them to the stage, where a secret hatch and stairwell took them underneath.

Lola and Terry also noticed the Brotherhood villains, keeping to their selves at their own table, and Mother Mae-Eye really helped them stand out. However, the two saw no point in spying on them—these villains were the least of their problems.

The Butcher brought the supervillains some food. “Here you are: some meat fries, meat lettuce, meat milk, and some veggie steak. Haha, just kidding, it’s meat.” The Butcher smirked to himself as he walked away.

When Mr. Jelly pulled off a lettuce leaf, he read the message: The Patty is set.

“Good… we better hope Robin Food can pull this off.” Jelly said quietly.

“Feel like dancing, Jackie?” Lala asked her groom-to-be.

“No.” He answered, scowling. Lala frowned.

“Ah, Mr. Skellington?” Jack cocked a brow when Tivan approached him.

“Oh, it’s you. The Collector.”

“Yes, now, forgive me, but I believe you and Sandman promised me the safe return of Horror’s Hand?”

“Sorry, the hand was destroyed.”

“Ho ho ho.” Tivan got close to him and whispered, “Jack, I think we both know of the spirit that inhabited Horror’s Hand.”

“That is not my concern. Good day, Tivan.” Jack walked away. Tivan only looked at him with disappointment.

“Say, Great Grandma?” Big Bird held a microphone up to the queen. “Since you are the woman of the hour, could you tell us what you plan to do after this special day?”

“Well, Big Bird, I have big plans in the upcoming month!” Sherry grinned maliciously. “With all the weddings I have yet to plan, time just seems to slip away. Hm hm ma ma ma. You remember what it was like to be a kid? When you wanted everything, and you got everything, and then you just want more? It never seems to change, does it?”

“I couldn’t agree with you more, Grandma.”

Planet Avalar; Sector SD Treehouse

A treehouse grew out of a great palace in the center of a prosperous desert island. Within that base, four operatives were watching the news. “So, that’s what the old hag looks like.” The leader commented, a 14-year-old boy with smooth blonde hair, gold eyes, white Arabian clothes, and black boots. “Heh, if I was Big Bird, I’d be shittin’ my pants.”

“Damn that old hag!” yelled a green alien boy with antennas and a white and red robe. “Smiling like she owns the world! I can’t wait until we teach her a lesson!”

“Calm down, Dende.” replied a 10-year-old blonde girl with a braid on her right, a red headband with a feather, and golden leg wraps with wings above her bare feet. “We’re not trying to defeat the pirates, Sector LN asked us to back them up in case things get ugly.”

“Well, I have the Vanishing Box ready in case we need it.” The fourth boy had blue eyes and hair in a long ponytail, a blue open vest over his bandaged chest, and puffy white pants. He was 11 years old and also had a red gem on his forehead. “Too bad we can’t be there now. Queen Sherry is sooooo biiiiiig~” He smooshed his cheeks together.

“Get ahold of yourself.” Alibaba remarked.

“Grrr…” Dende could not contain his scorn for the woman. These pirates destroyed his homeworld, left millions of Namekians scattered and homeless, and they party like none of it mattered. “Sigh… focus on the mission, Dende.”

Akko’s Apartment

“Hurry up, honey! Our daughter’s about to go onstage!” Mrs. Kagari shouted excitedly.

“You’ve been saying that for the past hour.” Mr. Kagari replied, getting a drink from the refrigerator. “It’ll probably be another 10 minutes.”

“Can you believe Akko is actually doing a show for an actual queen?! Do you think she’s being paid?! Oh God, we’re going to be so RICH!” Her eyes seemed to turn into gems.

“Say, haven’t I seen that queen on posters a few times?” the father asked, coming to the TV. “I think they were wanted posters…”

“You’re probably thinking of someone else.”

Party Plaza

Beneath the stage, Sector LN had just finished setting up the stage, and Hannah dressed the respective performers in their uniforms. Sucy cast a spell to shrink Amanda down to doll size as Jasminka picked her up. “Gotta say, if I’m gonna die today, I might as well die in the hands of my buddy.” Amanda remarked.

“Hee hee hee.” Jasminka blushed.

“We’re not going to die, okay?” Akko stated.

“I know, but still… I’m so nervous.” Lotte replied.

“I am, too. But we can do this. We practiced.”

“What if the pirates attack us or something?”

“Queen Sherry won’t let them. I can tell she really wants this magic show. Just stay calm and sing, Lotte.”

“Sigh… Okay, Akko.”

“Alright, everyone in position.” The others hurried behind the stage designs while Lotte climbed onto a platform. Inside, Akko’s heart was pounding with fear and anxiety. It was the first time she was asked to do a live show, the first time an audience was directly expecting her to entertain them. She took a deep breath and exhaled. She tried to forget the threat of execution and focus only on the show. Yes… this was her moment.

Pawtucket Pat tapped his cane on a glass of beer. “Attention, everyone!” The chattering ceased. “Thank you all for coming, I hope you’re all enjoying the party. We still have plenty of food to go, but please keep alcohol away from the children.”

“YOU SHOULD SHARE WITH THEM!!” Trix bellowed.

“Settle down, Trix. Now then… we have invited special guests to perform a magic show. These witches from Avalar’s Luna Nova have been personally asked by Her Highness to perform for us. Ladies and gentlemen: Shiny Luna!”

The sky mysteriously seemed to turn dark as a rainy blue curtain covered the stage. Silence completely fell over the party as shadows appeared behind it.

“Laaaaa la la laaaa, la la laaaa la la laaaa…”

As the curtain rose to the sky, everyone was entranced by the mountains of cake under an artificial starlit sky. The crescent moon had a candle sticking out of it. Lotte’s hands were folded on a high platform, her gown blending beautifully with the night. She spoke with the voice of an angel. “A long time ago, in a faraway land… In a world laid bare by the Demon Clan… A Prince and a Princess played together in harmony.”

Jasminka danced her way onstage, wearing a banana-colored dress with pink ridges, making her look like a sweet little cake. As she whirled around, she hugged a small figure to her chest: a miniaturized Amanda, who was sharing in Jasminka’s joyous laughter. “O Princess~ How large thou are! Taller than the tallest mountains afar!”

“Now, this seems oddly familiar…” Sherry stroked her chin. Goomnut rolled his eyes at her obliviousness.

“Indeed, her faithful people gather at her feet.” With one last twirl, the ground sparkled around Jasminka, taking the shape of many tiny figures. “The mermaids~ The angels~ ‘O Princess,’ they greet! ‘May we share this beautiful realm with you?’ With fluffy cheeks, she responds-”

“Of course, Sillypoo~” said Jasminka.

The children in the audience giggled while the adults cringed. Goomnut spared a repulsed glance up at Her Majesty—the blush on her cheeks told him her heart had melted at the silly line. Was she actually enjoying this?

A quiet, yet energetic fanfare began to play as the tiny angels fluttered around Jasminka like butterflies. She giggled and tried to catch the little creatures, and in doing so—“WHOA!” Jasminka splashed into a pool. The water swelled and became a floating bubble, Jasminka holding her breath as she whirled around inside of it. The mini mermaids swum in the current, surfing around and around the rotating princess. As the bubble grew brighter from their light, it BURST, Jasminka dropping to the ground as a rainbow stretched above her.

“Oh…” Jasminka gazed up in awe when the rainbow morphed into a snake dragon. The dragon swooped around and swirled around the curious princess before returning to the sky. Then, the dragon fell into pieces, and those pieces were dozens of tasty candies.

“The princess had all that she wanted, from friends to luscious candy. There was nothing in the world that could make her more happy. But then, something strange happened…”

“My Prince?” The candy dissolved into dust. Darkness descended upon the land as sadness filled Jasminka’s heart. “O Prince… where did you go?” Soon, even the stars were invisible. Jasminka’s tears soaked the sweet ground. “Where did all my friends go? Have they left me? Am I. . . all alone? . . .”

“I don’t understand.” Sherry whispered. “They were with her until a second ago. Where did they go, Goomnut?!”

Don’t tell me you are actually liking this garbage! Thought the minister, his head pounding.

Her role done for now, the tiny Amanda scurried behind the stage as Sucy zapped her back to normal size.

“But the princess looks up, and LO! Up in the sky, a single star is shone!”

A shining star lit up the heaven, and Jasminka’s eyes grew wide as it fell to the earth. A second before it could touch the surface, the star BURST, and from the light, there came a shining witch of pure white light, riding a three-brush broom. “HELLO, Princess!” Akko proclaimed with vibrant crimson eyes. “I am the Shiny Witch! I’ve come to make your day shiny!”

“Miss Shiny Witch, I can’t find my Prince or my friends.”

“Then I’ll take you to go find them!” Akko whooshed around the air, leaving a glittery trail with the Shiny Balai. “It’ll be a piece of cake in the Land of Dreams!”

“What’s the Land of Dreams?”

“In the Land of Dreams, you can have whatever you want!” Akko halted in front of Jasminka. “And you can be anything: like a mouse!” She poofed into mouse form. “Or an elephant!” She burst into a large form. “Or mix ’em up together!” Her body became that of a mouse, but the elephant head looked at her body and cried, “WAAAAAHH!” and scampered off in fear.

Laughter rang throughout the audience, save for the more serious members. Tivan chuckled and clapped, Lala and Sasha were giggling. Bartie and Ginny enjoyed the act, but their children could not feel the same. Sherry’s chortling was heavily audible, much to Goomnut’s chagrin.

“Oh my gosh, she’s actually enjoying it!” Ursula said with hope.

“Please, don’t mess this up, Miss Kagari…” Finnelan prayed.

“But how can we go to the Land of Dreams?” Jasminka asked.

“That’s an easy one, silly! Just close your eyes and believe with all your heart.”

So, the princess closed her eyes. “Nnnnn, should I close my eyes, too?!” Sherry hissed, trembling. “If I don’t, it might ruin the show! But if I do, I might miss it!”

“Just don’t, Your Majesty!” Goomnut hissed.

“And the Shiny Witch WHISKED them away with a single spell!” declared Lotte as Akko summoned the Shiny Arc. “And the name of that spell IS…!” And Akko loosed a great arrow to the sky and gave life to the stars!

Soul Pocus~ Soul Pocus~

The words of the soul

O’er stars and skies and sea

Spurring tales of old!

Akko became a winged elephant and threw Jasminka onto her back. She raised to the sky, soaring above the clouds as Stanbot birdies flew all around!

Our princess~ Fair princess

Sugar is hardly thy focus

As enchanted flowers, sweets, and trees

Sing the sweetest Soul Pocus

“Soul Pocus~ Soul Pocus~ Soul Pocus~” The cups and foods danced upon the stage. Trees and flowers sung across the kingdom. Akko became a dolphin and carried Jasminka across a floating stream that flowed all around the Party Plaza, many heads rotating to watch them. Diana was the one controlling the water, her focus steady and firm. Hannah and Constanze were keeping the holograms and illusions consistent.

The Land of Dreams

What wonders await?

Our princess seeks it

Following her fate!

The water disappeared as Akko transformed into a centaur, carrying a joyous Jasminka on her back. Amanda used Levitation Magic to help the four-legged witch stay afloat. Akko whooshed the Shiny Rod and released colorful bubbles, which grew mouths and giggled with glee!

What a sweet, alluring scent

To draw in hundreds all around

A sweet, harmonic song

By she who wears the crown

When Akko finally returned them to the stage, she conjured a golden glowing crown above Jasminka’s head (actually, Diana did it). Slowly, the crown planted itself on, and the princess glowed as flowers grew around the plaza. “Soul Pocus~ Soul Pocus~”

Such precious words

By a one pure soul

Only one sacred gift

Can make her whole

Akko summoned the Shiny Sprinkler and poured all kinds of juices into it. The sprinkler doused the entire audience, delighting their tongues with the taste of juice. As the sprinkler continued swirling and the princess dancing, the very sky whirled like a vortex! A bolt of lightning struck the empty center of the plaza.

That single slice of cake

Is really all it takes

To captivate your heart

And let your worries fall apart

“Birthday cake~ Birthday cake~ Birthday cake~ Birthday cake~” A hatch opened on that spot, and the Sacred Cake rose onto the plaza! Golden Bananas from Kongo Jungle glimmered upon the cake, and the icing murals depicted Big Moms from multiple generations, with tiny images of every known child of the Linlin Family. The very sight of it made Sherry’s mouth water, how she longed to take a bite of it… but alas, the show had yet to conclude.

Alas, in one bite, there is no turning back

Will you gamble with your life for this sweet?

Relish in its everlasting hocus

As you bask in the endless Soul Pocus

“SOUL POCUS~ SOUL POCUS~” Diana cast illusory magic on the cake to make the murals glow and come to life! They danced like a parade as the stars spun in the sky! Sweets and fruits and tea fluttered around the queen, washing her with love and joy!

Soul Pocus, our Mama so kind!

What beautiful riches will you find?!

In this world—the Land of our Dream!

We sing “Soul Pocus,” the song of our Queen!

Akko took to the sky on her Shiny Balai and struck the ground with a Shiny Arc! The plaza exploded with light as beanstalks rose from the ground. Barbara used her Herbology magic to raise all the party-goers to the starry heavens. As Queen Sherry gazed up at their figures, contrasted with the hypnotic spinning sky, her mind was lost in wonderful dreams.

“But, wait!” Sherry whipped her eyes to the stage when Jasminka spoke. “We still haven’t found my Prince! Oh, how I miss him!” she cried.

“What?!” exclaimed the queen. “They haven’t found them, yet?! But this is the Land of Dreams! Surely, they can find him. Where… but where?…”

“We will find him, Princess!” Akko proclaimed, rising ever so higher on her Balai. “Promise, you will never stop believing! Never stop believing you will find him! If it takes one year or a hundred years, you will find him again! Because believing is your most powerful MAGIC!”

The Shiny Witch vanished, and in her place a beautiful display of fireworks. The lights took the shape of Queen Sherbet, and her soul passed on to her heiress daughter, and then the next heir, and the family murals glimmered beside each of them. Finally, the soul flew into the heart of Queen Sherry herself. She felt the light touch her very soul, tears leaking from her eyes. “No… don’t go…” she said to the Shiny Witch, reaching hopelessly for the heavens. “Carl… where did you go? Carl… where are you…”

Then, all the stars fell from the heavens, along with the sinking beanstalks. Millions of stars crashed and alit the ground—Goomnut braced himself, suspecting nothing short of the worst, but no damage was dealt unto any of them. The stars flooded the party with magical water, and although it seemed to make their clothes float, it was not physical and no one was drowning.

As soon as the water drained away, the Nine Witches stood upon the stage. They held hands and bowed in thanks. “Huff…huff…huff…” Akko was at a loss of breath. “Even after rehearsing… using the Shiny Rod that much takes me out. Guys, I don’t know how to thank you. I…I’m too afraid to look. What does she think?”

“She looks… sad…” Amanda said. Akko looked up in curiosity.

“Sniff…sniff…” Sherry wiped her tears. “That show… it… speaks to me… I don’t understand.” She put a hand to her diamond heart. “Why does it make me feel this way?”

“I’ll tell you why!” Akko turned into a Spring Snake and bounced over to Sherry. “Because it was about YOU!” She bounced very high, and turned into a mouse as she landed on the queen’s nose. “Well, it was kinda about you. You were a great source of inspiration!”

“WOW!” Big Bird beamed. “What an honor to be perched on the queen’s nose, and not be wiped away by Big Tissues!”

“Shut your beak hole!” Goomnut roared.

“Sherry, you were just a little girl, left all alone on a candy island. And now, you rule your own planet, and you have so many friends and family!” The Titan’s eyes were narrowed on the cheerful mouse. “They always say, ‘Dream big and you’ll live big,’ and you’re the perfect embodiment of that. You’ve showed me that no matter who you are or where you come from, you can truly do anything you set your mind to. You’re amazing, Queen Sherry. I hope that even a little mouse like me can grow as big as you!”

“… … Akko…” Her diamond heart was touched by Akko’s words. So many emotions swirled inside of her. The people could not take their eyes off the heartwarming sight. How the queen cried and viewed the little mouse like a precious friend.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Something else drew their gaze. A bright pink heart appeared over her chest, where the diamond lay. Thump. Thump. It beat like an actual heart.

The rest of Sector LN gaped at it. That… heart… could it possibly be…? Diana was incredibly curious.

Thump. Thump. Akko continued to smile at Sherry’s dripping eyes. Thump. Thump. The queen slowly raised her left hand. Thump. Thump. It was drawing in on the mouse. Thump… Thump… Akko’s little soul wriggled from her body.

“AAAAAAAAHHH!”

The very air was ruptured by Grandma’s scream. The party fell into a dead, horrified silence: a giant arrow was pierced through Grandma’s chest, cut perfectly through her diamond. Her expression frozen agape, and Akko holding tight to her nose… the queen fell, crashing on her back.

“GRANDMAAAAAAA!!!”

There was mass panic all across the planet—everyone watching the news was crying and screaming. There was so much chaos at the party in this very moment, no one was audible except for a furious Goomnut. “I KNEW IT!! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG! SEIZE THEM! SEIZE THE WITCHES!”

“NO, WAIT!” Akko panicked, hands behind her head as the pirates trained guns on her. “We didn’t do anything, I swear!”

“GET HER OFF!” Topper ordered as Spewart grabbed her by the arms and dragged her off the queen. “Get the arrow out! Mages, quick, heal the queen!”

“We can’t!” yelled a witch crewmate. “The diamond is cracked! It’s too strong for our repair spells!”

“Uuuuuuhhhhggg…” Queen Sherry was gasping for breath, her very flesh beginning to rot as the diamond cracked.

“THEY TRIED TO KILL OUR QUEEN!” Tsao cried. “KILL THEM!”

“NO, PLEASE!” Lotte cried, her very life flashing before her eyes. “It wasn’t us, we would never! Please understand!”

“TURN THOSE CAMERAS OFF!” Pawtucket bellowed, using waterbending to swat the cameras away from Big Bird and his team. “NO ONE leaves this island! Search everyone! Guests—crewmen—relatives—EVERYONE is a suspect!”

“Oh God, it’s over, it’s really over!” Hannah sank to her knees and cried her eyes out, Barbara hugging her and sharing the emotions. “Dear God, I’m sorry for making fun of Muggle-borns, I’m sorry for being so arrogant, I’m sorry for everything!”

“Yeah, me too!” Barbara cried.

“Wait!” Akko whispered to her friends. “I have an idea. Draw up a Protego around us when we get to the queen.”

“What are you thinking?!” Diana asked.

“Trust me!”

“YAW, I bet it was THESE shiggity tickies!” Lucky accused, cocking a gun to Terry and Lola.

“FUCK YOU, where would we get a giant arrow?!” Terry asked.

“Hey, don’t look at me!” Sasha raised hands in defense. “I’ve been here this whole time!”

“THE WITCHES!” Pea screamed as the nine raced up beside Sherry, exploding a Protego shield into being.

“SHOOT THEM!” They all let fire on the magical bubble.

“Akko, whatever you’re thinking, do it now!” Amanda pled.

“Okay!” Akko raised the Shiny Rod above Sherry’s diamond heart and called, “LYONNE!” Golden streams emerged from the wand, softly enveloping Her Majesty’s heart.

“WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!” Goomnut screamed. “STOP THEM! Break the damn shield already!”

“Akko!…” Diana watched with great surprise and confusion. She recognized that spell… but why on Earth would Akko…

And just as she suspected, the crack on the Pink Diamond began to mend. The wound on the Titan’s chest closed and healed. The pain faded away.

All mouths were agape as the firing ceased. The girls sensed the danger had left, so they dispelled the shield. Goomnut hurried up to study her… and his concerns were at ease. “You… saved her…”

“Akko…” Lotte whispered.

What… the… actual… FUCK, AKKO?! Amanda screamed in her mind.

Luckily, Big Bird was still recording with a secret camera, so everyone could see this moment. At Luna Nova, almost nobody had any words. “Miss Kagari…” Holbrooke did not know how to feel.

“How could she do that…” Finnelan choked.

“…Because it’s how she is…” Ursula spoke with pride.

Queen Sherry began to pant. She pressed a hand to her heart, no longer feeling the pain. “A…A…Akko…” She glanced at the little witch. “You… saved me… Why…”

“Because…Because you’re my friend, Queen Sherry.” Akko smiled. “We’re besties! Right?”

“…Besties…” Everything was invisible in that moment. Only Akko mattered… her vibrant crimson eyes and face beaming with imagination. “Akko…”

“THE CAKE!!” Panic resumed as the Family Cake rose into the air! The curtained table seemed to be carrying it, but it was actually a giant patty.

“What the-?!” Akko exclaimed, running for a closer look at the event.

“WE GOT THE CAKE!” Butcher decreed, setting the delicacy on a flying ship. He, Gramma Stuffum, and the other Brotherhooders rode on their own patties.

“I can’t believe that plan actually WORKED!” Mr. Jelly yelled. “The arrow we stole almost did her in!”

“Them!” Hisoka pointed. “They must have been behind this!”

“ALAS, Big Mom Pirates!” A familiar green-clothed villain leapt onto the cake. “You shall not have a single bite of this cake, or my name isn’t:” And the trumpets sounded as the Hungry Men danced on the cake!

“ROBIN FOOD, ROBIN FOOD, not your average thieving dude! With his band of Hungry Men, to Sweetopia, he goes and theeeen… He ROOOOOBS from the Queeeeen (and FAT) and GIIIIIIVES to the KIIIING (a croc, at that)! ROBIN FOOD: YO HOOOOO!” And the ship sailed across the sky.

“BUTCHER!” Goomnut screamed. “What are you doing?! Why are you going with them?!”

“I’m through bein’ a Big Mom Pirate! I’m with the Brotherhood now, and we’ll be best friends four-ver!”

“He means ‘forever.’” Cuppa Joe noted.

“Send the Tart Ships, capture them and get that cake!” Pawtucket ordered.

“Sigh… At least we’re off the hook.” Lotte panted.

“Thank goodness.” Akko sighed. “If I use the Shiny Rod any more, it’ll disappear again. …But maybe it’s best if the Brotherhood gets away. We shouldn’t let her get the cake.” (Play “Anxiety and Determination” from Little Witch Academia!)

The cake…The cake… Yes, that was her cake, Sherry thought. That was her brother’s cake, her family’s sacred cake, being stolen from her. …So, why…why didn’t she care? She was a Linlin… and all Linlins value the Family Cake above everything else. It has been the same for generations.

“CAAAAAKE! THE CAAAAAAKE!” her great-granddaughter bellowed.

“HURRY UP WITH THE CAKE! I WANT THE CAKE!” the former’s granddaughter cried.

“I SMELL IT! THE CAAAAAAKE!” Charlotte Linlin roared.

And yet… Queen Sherry felt different emotions. To think… there would ever be something… she would value more than a cake. That kind and beautiful face… those soulful crimson eyes. Akko…

In this short month, that was all she thought about. That little witch who promised her a magic show… Akko… That little witch who brought tears back to her eyes. The one who made her heart rift with pure joy and emotions. Akko… Sherry could not imagine a soul more kind. A true, pure soul… one that was more sacred… and more precious… than all the Family Cakes in the universe. Akko…

Stars were present in Sherry’s vision. There were millions of them. Each contained something new and wonderful. Sherry longed to see them all and feast on this universe’s wonders. But then, all those stars began to shrink and compress. No… Sherry was just going farther away. Slowly, more and more of the universe became clear to her vision. Until it was all a single body… and that body was… “Akko…”

“Uuuuuhhhh…” The party-goers turned their attention to the queen as she finally got back on her feet. “Giiiiiive meeeee…” That drawl sent the coldest chills down their spines. “Giiiiiive meeeeeee…” It could only mean one thing.

“Oh, no!” Smoothie panicked. “Grandma is about to have a Hunger Pang! She wants the cake! If we don’t give her the cake, she’ll eat this entire planet!”

“GIIIIIIVE MEEEEEEE…” The Titan burned with psychic energy that came from her very soul. Her eyes were shining red and full of lust.

“Y-Your Majesty! Please!” Goomnut begged. “We’ll get the cake! This is only a minor setback! P-Please try to control yours-”

“AKKO!!”

Everyone was struck speechless again. The witch in question whipped around in Sherry’s direction. The great queen looked Akko in the crimson eye as massive tears dripped down her features. “Akko… I-I want… Akko…”

It was the most heart-melting thing any of them ever heard. People all around the universe were crying at this development. The Luna Nova students were more enthralled by the scene than ever. And the pirates had no idea how to react. They expected their queen to abandon all sense of rationality until she had her cake. But no… it was as if the cake meant nothing to her at all. Only… her friend…

“I want… I-I want…”

Akko cried tears as she extended her arms to the giant. “Sherry…”

And Akko slowly began to approach the massive queen. They were not a Muggle-born witch and a powerful queen… They were not a KND operative and a dangerous criminal… They were friends. Only pure emotions radiated from them. “I… want… I… WANT…”

“Ha ha ha! Come here, Sherry!” Akko giggled innocently.

“I… WANT… I… WANT… I… WANT…”

And that’s when the world turned dark. Pure emotions were replaced with fear and dread. But Akko, the optimistic student, did not realize that. Everyone else saw that look in Sherry’s eyes. The pirates recognized that look. It was now clear that Sherry’s consciousness was gone. That look… whenever she sought an exotic sweet… It was right in front of her. That little pink mist wiggling from Akko’s body, embodying everything Sherry loved about her. Everything from her Pure Imagination… and her soulful crimson eyes.

Amanda was already acting. In that brief second, her feet brought her to Akko. In that very same second, when Queen Sherry raised her hand. “NO, AKKO!!” Ursula cried, hoping by some miracle she would hear her.

“I WANT AKKO’S SOOOOOUUUUUUUL!”

Her godlike hand SMASHED the spot where Akko once stood. In one swift motion, Amanda yanked her friend to safety. Every pleasant feeling, every ounce of hope, had just left Akko’s heart. She could not see her friend in those ravenous eyes, anymore. All there was…was a monster.

5,000 years ago, there were monstrous Titans all over the world. They pursued… They devoured humans. The very sight of a grinning, drooling Titan was one the universe never hoped to see again. And now… Akko and her friends bore witness to that horrible sight.

The very second Akko was back on her feet, her legs controlled her. All she knew—the only thing on her friends’ minds… was to run. Using the shock of the crewmen to their advantage, they bolted past the guards and the gate. A straight path lay across the bridge. There was plenty of room and space for the witches to run. Their limits, their breath, it was all irrelevant. All energy was put into their legs. Because behind them, there was only death. They could hear and feel Queen Sherry’s rapid footfalls. They didn’t dare to look behind them. As long as they were still alive, they knew she hadn’t caught up. But now, they wondered… if there was any safe haven for them.

“FORGET THE CAKE!!” Minister Goomnut bellowed. “ALL PIRATES, DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO CAPTURE THE WITCH!!”

So yeah, um… we’re officially going full-on Attack on Titan. So, just imagine all the characters are designed with AoT art style. :P Sector SD consists of Magi characters, except for Dende from DBZ. And yes, they are an inverse Sector SA, so to speak. Next time, a f***ing heart-pounding chase scene.

Chapter Text

Little trivia about the magic show: Akko purposely cast Jasminka as the star to get back at Mickey Mouse. :3 Play “Crimson Bow and Arrow” by Linked Horizon.

Sweetopia; Bridge of Carmel

After the excitement of the magic show, it was unbelievable that the witches still had energy to run at the speeds they were going, even considering Hannah swapped their show clothes with their gym clothes. Alas, when they were being chased by the first Titan to hunt human prey in 5,000 years, should they really question such a blessing? How ironic they were briefly chased by Bowser one month before, and they didn’t feel one-tenth of the fear they felt right now.

“SHERRY, PLEASE!” Akko screeched at the top of her lungs. “DON’T EAT ME! WE’RE FRIENDS! PLEASE, STOP!”

“SAVE YOUR BREATH, IDIOT!” Diana shouted. “JUST RUN!”

“AKKOOOOOOOO!” For just a bit, Queen Sherry slowed down, for she reached into her Pink Diamond and extracted a massive sword made of Rose Quartz: “SOUL QUARTZ!!” Powerful Psychic Chi amassed on the blade as the queen SLICED! The witches jumped away from the middle. Time seemed to slow down as the entire bridge was cleaved in two. The blinding pink beam threatened to sever their very souls had they not dodged.

With the swiftest of thinking, the witches mounted their brooms, and Akko turned into a mouse as she clasped Amanda’s leg. Amanda grabbed her friend and put her safely in her shirt. “Let’s see that fat bitch follow us—NOOOOWWW!”

With a Titanic leap, the queen nearly SMASHED Amanda in an earth-shattering clap, and though she missed by an inch, their heads were ringing from the sound. Queen Sherry landed on Zeus, the nimbus flying with full speed after Luna Nova’s fastest flyer. The great queen grew closer and closer, nearly enveloping the red-headed witch in her cavernous mouth. “AAAAAAAAHHH!” Amanda gave the briefest boost with her fire and barely avoided a crunching fate. The athlete was crying and sweating greater than ever before. She would rather sit through 1,000 detentions if it meant escaping this. “SOMEBODY KILL THIS FUCKING WHORE!!”

“AMANDA!” Barbara screamed when a tremendous tidal wave towered over Amanda like a mountain, and Pawtucket Pat was riding it like an angry surfer. Determination filling her, Amanda attached her sword to the end of the broom and spun like a drill in order to pierce the wave and perfectly pop out the other side!

Pawtucket was still hot on their tail, riding a column of water as he willed columns to erect from the sea. Amanda expertly dodged the columns, smirking in Pat’s direction. With one more dodge, Amanda flew under the Sweet Commander with sword in hand. “HYAH!” With one great swing, Pawtucket’s head was severed. “Boo-yeah! Killed one of the commanders without even trying!”

“No you didn’t!” Diana screamed. Amanda gasped when the headless body spun and melded with the juicy water, flying faster as it kept trying to ensnare her like a snake. “The Beer-Beer Fruit is a Logia-type, isn’t that what Pilaf said?! We can’t hurt him without Haki! To make it worse, it’s a Water-type, so he’s still able to swim!”

“LOOK OUT BELOW!” Lotte screamed, the witches dodging as meteors flew up from the ground.

Ernesto Taco was riding a large white sphinx as he danced and threw meteors up with his maracas. “Más rápido, Pea, más rápido! I’ll buy you a hundred sweets if we can hit them!”

“Aye-aye, Uncle Taco!” replied the sphinx.

“That must be Ernesto, the Music/Fire double-bender.” Lotte observed. “And that beast he’s riding… it’s Cassiopea, who ate the Cat-Cat Fruit, Model: Sphinx.”

Ernesto began to conjure music notes, mixing them in with the meteors as they turned into Flare Dancers. “Lotte, are they spirits?!” Barbara asked.

“No, they’re just figments of his bending. But since they’re made of Music Chi, we can weaken them with Silencio!” With that, they cast Silence Spells at the Flare Dancers and dispelled them.

“Wait, beer is flammable, isn’t it?!” Amanda asked. “Then I’ll give this bastard something to drink!” She blasted fire from her broom and set the liquid mass that was Pawtucket on fire.

Pat formed his human shape as his right hand was aflame. “Only a small fraction of beer is alcoholic, you moron! But I can still send the flammable part at you!” He threw the fire at Amanda, who simply grabbed it and threw it off. Pawtucket slashed Water Whips at the athlete, and willed them all to heat up with fire.

“HURRRR!” Constanze cocked her gun and fired a Shock Beam. Pat screamed in utter agony as volts traveled through his liquid body. “Good thinking, Conse! Water-types are weak to electricity.” Lotte smirked.

“BUU LIKE SPARKY STUFF!” Majin Buu flew into the Shock Beam and slurped it up in his mouth, Constanze ceasing fire in fright. “Zibidi Zabidi ZUU!” Buu spat the lightning back, but a Stanbot jumped out and took the damage.

“Fineltina la Serana!” Diana summoned golden swords of magic to chop Buu into pieces, but the marshmallowy Majin was reforming.

Down on the divided bridge, the Breakfast Club was riding a giant cereal box wagon, pulled by a speedy Sonny. “Yaw, let’s do Basket Bitch Bomb to git that squick-squawk.” Lucky suggested.

With that, the leprechaun got on top of Trix, who got atop Crunch, and Tony got atop Lucky. Crunch leapt onto Sonny as the bird FLUNG them up high like a catapult! Crunch shot open his mouth and stretched his head like a spring, sending the three higher. Trix flipped upside down and kicked Lucky higher, and then Tony was the final one to leap off. Amanda and Akko gasped as the muscular tiger flew above them, ready to slam-dunk a basketball. “Grrrrrreat CANNON!” The ball turned black with Haki.

“AMANDA!” Jasminka flew in the wake and inflated herself. Her foot set aflame, Amanda KICKED her pudgy friend directly into the speeding basketball. They were at a midair stalemate for a few seconds before Jasminka deflated and fell, fortunately grabbed by Hannah and Barbara as Jasminka situated herself back on her broom. The basketball fell toward Trix, who kicked it powerfully as it BASHED Amanda in the face. The athlete fell, and Akko was flung out of her shirt from the hit.

“WAAAH!” cried the mouse, until she was snatched in the hand of her best friend. “Lotte!”

“If only you were this light when I picked you up the first—TIIIIME!” At that instant, Akko POOFED into a baby hippo, grabbing the broom with her mouth and weighing Lotte down. Akko quickly changed back and helped herself up, the girls dodging one of Ernesto’s fireballs. “AAH!” Akko turned into a rabbit and fell off, but Sucy caught her and hugged her closely. “Why do I keep transforming?!”

“It’s Minister Goomnut!” Diana shouted. “He ate the Force-Force Fruit! According to Pilaf, he can force anyone to use their powers by focusing on them. By doing so, he can force us to exhaust our chi.”

“But if we keep moving, he can’t lock on us!” Sucy followed.

“Sucy, above you!” Lotte cried as Silla the Harnitan blew herself level with them, and then she tossed Sarborg to the back of Sucy’s broom.

“That’s a pretty bunny, Sushi! May I hold it?”

“No, but you can hold this grease.” Sucy tore open a bottle and poured it behind her, causing the robot to slip off the broom.

“Waaah! Gramma!” Sarborg fell toward the hungry Titan, but Queen Sherry SMACKED her away like a fly. “AKKOOOOOOOO!”

“Please, Your Majesty, don’t hit your own kids!” Goomnut shouted, riding the queen’s head. “Dammit, I wish they would stop moving!”

“We’re almost at the Stanship!” Lotte beamed, seeing their vessel safe within its protective shield.

“CHAIN CHOMPS!” Hannah cried as Sky Chomps flew around them with the intention of feeding. Below, Madame Broode had used her Chomp Call to summon them. The girls barely avoided as Jasminka grabbed one by the chain and swung it into others. Jasminka then hurled it into Her Majesty, but the Chomp was sliced in two by the Soul Quartz. “I’m sorry, Chompy.”

“Save it, Jasminka!” Amanda shouted. “Just get your butt into the Stanship—FUCK YOU, SUN!”

Indeed, Prometheus was hovering above the Stanship, grinning devilishly as his flares were dancing. “That’s right, turn off your shield! The second you do, this ship’s getting cooked!”

“They’re catching up!” Lotte yelled.

“I’ll distract them!” Sucy decided, flying towards the right and across the icing-coated valley. “Come find us when the ship’s ready!”

“AKKOOOOOOO!” The queen changed direction and pursued them.

“Buu, Smoothie, help the queen!” Goomnut ordered. “The rest of you, subdue those witches!”

“Hey, Sunny-boy!” Amanda lit her sword aflame. “How about we fight fire with fire?!”

“I have a better idea!” Diana flew in her way. “AGUAMENTI ENGORGIO!” She watered the sun with a giant water spell.

“AAAAAAHHH!” His body searing with pain, Prometheus began to shrink and shrivel up. “COLD! SO COLD! Agh, I need some fire!” He flew away.

The seven witches landed, but the pirates were seconds from reaching them. “Girls, I think it’s now or never.” Diana decided. “Sector SD, I hope you’re READY!” She whipped out a small Vanish Box and opened it, pouring the four operatives out as they burst to normal size!

“HUH?! They had backup with them?!” Pilaf exclaimed.

“Good, I was getting hot in there.” Alibaba smirked, drawing a sword as it lit on fire. “What’s the plan?!”

“Hold them off while Constanze starts the ship!” Diana ordered.

“It would be nice if we could mow down a few of their troops, but I guess we’ll play it safe then.”

Sucy flew into a canyon, but the ravenous queen still followed suit on her trusty nimbus. Sucy looked up right, seeing Smoothie racing along the cliff on her long legs. To her left, Buu was flying, the bubbly genie casting beams from his antenna that Sucy dodged. “Looks like all we can go is straight.”

“Hey, Sucy, maybe you should go back and help the others. I can lead her away and you guys can pick me up later.”

“Forget it. Without the Shiny Rod, you’ll never be able to defend yourself.”

“But I’m fast, I can outrun them!”

“You know you can’t do anything on your own.”

“Sucy…” The words drew Akko into tears. Sniffling, she said, “I hate feeling so helpless.”

“Relax, dummy.” Sucy hugged the bunny gently, smiling warmly. “I’m not gonna let her get you. None of us are. …Hey, look at those caves.” They were flying into an open area, seeing multiple caves within the cliffside. “Maybe we can lose ’em in there.” She locked her sights on the smallest entrance near the bottom and shot inside.

“Buu, get in after them!” Goomnut ordered.

“Hide-and-Seek, yay!” The Majin obeyed.

“AAAAAKKOOOOO!” Queen Sherry jumped off of Zeus and forced her overweight body into the tight cave, forcing Goomnut to follow her on his own feet. Zeus decided to keep watch on the caves outside, and Smoothie stayed put atop the cliff as well. (End song.)

Party Plaza

The party-goers engaged in heavy conversations, many of them filled with massive worry. “Please let us pass!” Mrs. Antonenko pled to the guards. “They’re chasing our children, we have to go and help them!”

“No!” yelled the Toad guard. “Nobody leaves the plaza until we receive word from the Commanders.”

“And what’s going to become of my niece?!” Daryl demanded. “The one who’s supposed to marry that Pringle man?!”

“Speaking of which, where’d he go?” Maril asked. “Is he helping in the chase?”

Little did they know that Jaune Pringle was hiding under a table with Roger in his Chess Guy disguise. “So… you are the one that has-a stolen my heart.”

“Yes, my Pringle.” Roger replied with loving eyes. “I’m sorry for deceiving you. I just wanted to get close to you.”

“Oh-a Roger. How I long to be with you. But alas, Grandmama wants me to marry Diana.”

“We’ll find a way, Jauny. I know we will.”

This was under the table of the Stork Family. “Man, I sure wish we could help those guys.” Lola said.

“We can’t. Not without risk of them hurting our friends.” Terry replied. “Sigh… and here I was thinkin’ they could do something to help us.”

“Vick, is your grandmother going to be okay?” Éclair asked with worry.

“Oh, she’ll be fine. You know, we have a funny name for this sort of thing: we call it the One Note Musical. Our queen is usually so jolly and emotional, but whenever she gets like that, it’s like she has no personality at all. Still, this is the first time she ever craved a mortal soul before. She always takes pieces of soul every week since she came back. What could be so special about that girl’s soul?”

Luna Nova

“BIG NEEEWWWWWS! Queen Sherry has gone on one of her infamous hunger rampages! And by the craziest twist of fate, her teeth are set on the young witch in charge of her magic show! How will this grand chase play out?! Well, I’m betting Big Twos on the Big One!”

“Oh, Akko!” Ursula gasped, swallowed in utter horror as the chase began. The students could not have been more engaged with the giant screen. Some called it the best assembly ever, but others were sincerely praying that their friends would return home. “Akko, you poor thing. I have to do something! M-Maybe they have a spare ship.” She was about to run off.

“Stay put, Ursula!” Finnelan ordered. “You still aren’t able to fly. And even if you could, it’s pointless. The pirates will gun you down before you even set foot on the planet. There’s nothing we can do. We can only hope other operatives are watching this and will go to help them.”

Choco Tunnels

“Oh, Akkoooo? Akkooooo?” Buu’s voice echoed throughout the chocolate tunnels. “Come out, come out, wherever you aaaare.”

“AKKOOOOO!” Sherry took up the entire width of the cave, ensuring there was no safe space to hide.

Buu came to a fork. He glanced left, but saw only a dead end, so he flew down the right path. However, Sucy and Bunny Akko were hiding behind a rock near that dead end. “Aaaaaakkoooooo…” Their hearts raced endlessly when the Titan queen crept up to the turn. “Akko…Akko… Don’t leave me… Akko…” She glanced left and right, her big nose sniffing for that succulent soul. “Uuuuhhh…” But all she could smell was chocolate. So, she sunk her teeth into the center wall of the fork and bit off a chunk. “This doesn’t taste like Akko’s soul! GIVE ME AKKOOOOO!” The queen began to burrow a new tunnel into the chocolate.

“No, Your Majesty, don’t eat through the ground! Ugh!” Goomnut grunted. “There’s no reasoning with her. Until she gets what she wants, she’ll mindlessly eat anything and anyone that gets in her way.” The Goomba hurried after the Titan.

Sucy and Akko carefully peeked out. “Okay… now might be our chance.” The Filipino mounted her broom and flew back the way they came.

“Hmm… I wish I could go in there.” Zeus frowned as he observed the holes. “But I really don’t like tight spaces. Huh?” He saw Sucy whoosh out of a cave in the corner of his eye.

“ZEUS, they’re getting away!” Smoothie cried.

“Up yours.” Sucy passed her the finger as the Amazon drew further away.

“Sucy, not now!” Akko hissed.

Smoothie jumped down onto the nimbus. “Zeus, let’s get them!”

“Hey, you’re not my mama!”

“JUST GO!” Zeus yelped at her demand and began chasing the witches. Sucy saw them and flew skyward, but the duo still followed suit.

“How about a little Shrink Potion?!” Sucy spilled the pink potion onto the cloud, causing Zeus to shrivel in size. “AAAH!” Smoothie screamed, forced to take the fall.

“Way to go, Sucy! Now let’s go join the others before Grandma comes back.”

Stanship

Pisti played her red feather flute and used her Animal Telepathy to have the Sky Chomps attack Madame Broode and Sasha. Amanda engaged General Tsao in a sword clash, attempting to kick the Rito off his feet, but he flapped his wings and flew up before kicking her down. Tsao tried to stab her, but Amanda dodged her head right and got up to continue attacking. “You think you can defeat me, the greatest swordsman of the Rito Tribe?!”

“Please, you’re nothing but a chicken! And chickens ALWAYS taste better when roasted!” Amanda leapt away and entered Fire Fury, unleashing flames all over the chicken.

“CACAAAAAWWW!” The armor made it even worse for the chicken. Tsao began to swell up until his very yolk burst out of his flesh. Amanda looked with confusion as the yolk swelled up and Tsao came out, taking to the sky in a Robin Hood uniform. “Strike me down as much as you wish, but like the phoenix, I will always be reborn from the ashes.” Tsao held a bow and arrows in his talons as he shot at Amanda from a safe height. “Perhaps you should expand your skillset. I have more abilities than I know what to do with.”

“I prefer to keep my mind clear.” Amanda remarked, mounting her broom and chasing the Rito as she easily sliced away his arrows.

Alibaba wielded a long, black sword called Amol Saiqa. He absorbed the fire from Ernesto’s Flame Whips, and by combining them with his own firebending, he dealt blows against the Tostarenan. Ernesto twirled on his toes to escape from him, sending out music notes. At the same time, Piantas were rushing Alibaba from multiple angles, but he dodged them with keen Observation Haki and knocked them out.

Hannah garbed herself in a fancy tuxedo and top-hat to combat Topper. The Broodal formed a tower of green hats on himself, but when he slammed them onto Hannah, the hat that made contact was sliced as all the ones above it came off. “I’m a sharp dresser, aren’t I? So sharp that I can cut through fabric!”

Barbara had grown a Baby Mandrake and was wearing it like a backpack as it shot Poison Darts at the pirates behind her. The pureblood witch was continuing to stun Pawtucket with lightning spells, until she had to dodge Sasha’s stomping boots. “What the-?!” Sasha yelped when Cuccos flew into her nose and her ears. “Gaaah! Tsao, your chickens are going crazy!”

“I hope you don’t get goosebumps!” Pisti remarked, playing her flute and controlling the chickens.

“Ha- ha- ha—HACHOO!” Sasha sneezed rapidly. “ACHOO! ACHOO!”

“CUCKOO-CUCKOO!” Sonny leapt up and—“AAAAH!” snapped Pisti’s left leg in his beak, pulling the airborne girl back to earth and bashing her against the ground.

“HAH!” Jasminka grabbed Sonny’s beak and was able to pull him off, smashing the bird against the ground, but the chubby witch was jumped by Trix as he began strangling her. “Hey, Trix!” Lotte yelled. “One of the Broodals stole your yogurt!”

“WHAT?!” The rabbit leapt off and charged at Rango first, bringing the tall Broodal down and punching his teeth out. “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SHARE WITH ME?!”

“AAH!” Lotte yelped when Lucky grabbed her from behind and stuck his pistol down her throat. “Yaw what’s-a happen’ with you tricky chicks?” Lucky twisted the gun. Lotte began to cry and sweat, sensing that any second could be the moment of her death. “Bet ya chickities like to suck awn mah boogily-boom. Come awn lickity-lurp, give it a slurpity-slickity.”

“Metamorphie Faciesse!” Diana cast a spell to turn the gun into spaghetti. Lotte escaped, quickly shooting an Ice Spell at Lucky.

Captain Crunch tried to gnash Jasminka while she was holding down Sonny, but the strong witch used her left hand to hold his teeth up. Growing steadily weaker the more she kept restraining the mascots, Tony the Tiger began to charge at her. “She’s gonna brrrrrrrREAK!”

At this time, Aladdin was descending from the sky on his magic carpet, sights fixed on Jasminka. In that brief second before Tony rammed her, Diana cast “Reducio!” to shrink Jasminka a millisecond before Aladdin grabbed her and whooshed away, and that moment when Crunch’s teeth came down was the same as when Tony made it to Jasminka’s spot. “AAAAH!” The tiger’s arm ended up being crunched.

“I bet you don’t wanna be a marshmallow.” Aladdin remarked, holding Jasminka to his hip.

“No way! I love marshmallows!” Jasminka flushed.

After restoring her to normal and dropping her down, Aladdin flew beside Diana, who was casting magic swords at the sphinx Cassiopea. “Thanks for helping Jasminka.”

“No problem!” Aladdin replied, shooting Blast Spells at the sphinx. The boy was using a Genie Lamp wand, which was golden with a lamp tip.

Toads and Hylian pirates were getting inside the Stanship, only to be shot by Dende. “Is the ship almost ready?!” he asked Constanze.

After a few more button pushes, she gave a thumbs-up, “Hmm!”

The operatives heard the engines roaring outside and looked up as the ship rose off the ground. “The ship is ready!” Diana exclaimed. “Everyone inside!” They swooped into the opening, with Aladdin carrying Alibaba, but the pirates let loose all attack power on the vessel. As it flew, the witches threw out all the unconscious pirates.

Dende’s antennas glowed as he healed Pisti’s leg. “I know you probably hoped we would take some of them down.” she spoke with regret. “But as operatives, we can’t kill anybody unless there’s no other alternative.”

“It’s all right.” Dende sighed. “As long as we can escape this planet in one piece.”

“Look, there’s Akko and Sucy!” Lotte pointed.

“Hey, guuuuyyys!” Bunny Akko called. Behind them was a fleet of Hamburger Saucers with faces.

“I can see they brought company!” Amanda panicked.

“Hurry and get in here!” Diana yelled, the entrance opening as the two swooped inside. Akko could finally change back to normal. “What happened to Great Grandma?”

“We lost her in a cave. That genie guy was in there, too.”

“Then let’s get out of here before she comes back.” Amanda suggested. The Stanship faced up at the sky as the firebender kicked power into the engines and blasted off.

Akko took her seat, catching her breath as Sucy fed her an Ether. The drink felt like a sanctuary, for she was exhausted after holding a transformation that long. Not to mention her head was throbbing after so much stress. “We can easily breach the blockade by going into hyperspace.” Diana said. “But they will in all likelihood pursue us. We have to hide Akko somewhere they wouldn’t think to look.”

“We need to evacuate Luna Nova.” Hannah inputted. “You know that’s the first place they’re gonna search. Even if she’s not there, they’ll threaten everybody until they find her.”

“Blytonbury, too.” Amanda noted. “Hell, the whole kingdom’s in danger. We’ll have to get the whole Kids Next Door to fight them.”

The discussion ended when they heard sobbing. Each word was a knife to Akko’s heart, and so her emotions came out in the form of tears. “A-All I wanted to do… was make people happy. And every time I try… every time I have a chance to make people laugh… it always ends badly. Because of me, King Mickey tried to kill the Supreme Leaders. Because of me, Queen Sherry and her pirates are trying to kill us. And now I’ve put the whole kingdom in danger.”

“Okay, slow down there, Try Hard.” Amanda replied. “Instead of blaming yourself for things that you had no idea would happen, why don’t you thank yourself for all the GOOD things that happened to us? Like saving the country from an evil missile, or exposing Mickey as a corrupt bastard, to name a few.”

“Akko, you must accept the fact that even good deeds will have negative consequences.” Diana said, using her handkerchief to wipe away her friend’s tears. “Things will happen beyond our control. We must stay strong and do everything we can to pull through.”

“Thanks, Diana. But what can we do? We have no choice but to go to war with the Big Mom Pirates. All because of me. I wonder… if I give myself up, what if they let the rest of you go?”

“Not gonna happen.” Amanda stated firmly. “Constanze, just switch on the Warpdrive and get us back to Avalar. We’ll warn everybody before it’s too late and get started with a counterattack.”

On the planet’s surface, the ground rumbled as Queen Sherry emerged from the frosting ground. “AKKOOOOOO!” Still blind to the path forward, she charged into the valley, tearing down candle trees and cake rocks.

Goomnut hopped his way out of the hole as he received a call in his earpiece. “Minister, the operatives’ ship has just left the atmosphere and went into hyperspace. Unfortunately, the blockade ships are still fighting with the Kremling invaders.”

Above that region of the atmosphere, cannonballs flew between Kremling and singing vessels. A small squad of Flying Krocks guarded the Brotherhood’s ship as they sailed through the blockade. “It looks like we’re home free, fellas!” Cuppa Joe declared. “Not only did we make off with the cake, we actually injured the Big Bitch!”

“I still don’t get it, though.” Butcher said. “I thought all the crewmen would be after us by now. Instead it’s just a few strayglers.”

“‘Stragglers.’” Knightbrace corrected. “But I agree that it is pretty strange. But as long as we get to the Gangplank Galaxy, we’ll be home free.”

“What do you suppose this cake tastes like, anyway?” Mother Mae-Eye asked. “Do you think K. Rool would be kind enough to award us some slices?”

“Hey, we’re under orders not to take a single bite!” Joe reminded. “Or else we’ll go crazy just like her. Honestly, the only thing we should get for a reward is a safe place to hide from them.”

On the planet, Goomnut began to sweat. “Grrr… this is bad. If Grandma comes out of this craving, she’s going to want the cake next. If she finds out we let the Kremlings take it, our heads will roll. The only way we can avoid that… is if Akko’s soul turns out to be more delicious than the cake. But that couldn’t possibly happen.”

“Minister, what will we do?” Smoothie asked, returning with a tiny Zeus in hand. She squeezed the cloud, using her powers to extract the potion from his fluff, thus restoring him to normal size.

“Akkoooooo…” Queen Sherry seemed to have her blurry sights set on Whole Cake Capital.

“I’ve already had my crewmen evacuate the town just in case. The commanders are getting ready to fly after the witches. They’ll most likely head back to their school.”

“…Wait a moment…” Goomnut’s eyes widened in curiosity. “Could Her Majesty be intending to use… THAT?!”

The queen cut a clear path through the center of the capital, crossing the bridge en route to her castle. “I’ll come for you, Akko! Oh, I’ll chase you to the ends of the universe!” Zeus and Prometheus were quick to rejoin their Creator. “You’ll never be able to hide from my invincible fortress! SOUL CAKE CASTLE!” Queen Sherry PUNCHED her heart and entered Psychic Fury!

Her pink aura spread to the entire castle, the world rumbling as it rose off the foundation. A pair of eyes and a great big mouth grew on the floating fortress. “CASTLE~ CASTLE~ CASTLE~”

“Does she actually know to go to Luna Nova?!” Goomnut wondered. “Or is she acting on pure instinct?” The castle began to glow white. “She’s teleporting! Majin Buu, we have to join her, quickly!”

“Okay, Goomy!” Buu lifted the Goomba and flew up into the castle. Hisoka smirked as he stretched his arm, grabbed a window, and launched himself into the fortress. In a flash, it completely vanished from the air.

Luna Nova

“Ah, home sweet home!” Lotte beamed as they reentered the atmosphere. “And look! They’re already coming out to greet us.”

“LOOK, THEY’RE BACK!” Wangari pointed from a window. Immediately, everyone in the school piled outside, agape at seeing the Stanship.

“Oh, thank goodness! Is Akko okay?!” asked Ursula.

Diana used Sonorus as her voice rang from the ship. “People of Luna Nova, the Big Mom Pirates will be here any moment! Everyone needs to evacuate! Return to your home countries if possible!”

“GIRLS, ABOVE YOU!” screamed Headmistress Holbrooke.

Immediately, a shadow fell over the school. Both sectors faced up, going pale and losing any shred of hope: “CASTLE~ CASTLE~ CASTLE~” The giant-sized fortress easily dwarfed Luna Nova. This much was obvious, even with how high it was in the sky.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Amanda’s sentence came out in partial laughter and partial crying. “What the fuck is this bitch? Why can’t she just piss off?”

“ALL STUDENTS, TO THE LEY LINE!” bellowed Finnelan as everyone mounted their brooms. Sadly, a storm of beams rained down from the castle, destroying all their brooms as the students plopped onto the ground.

“Buu no get to play with you last time!” Buu cheered, flying down. “New friends stay and play with Buu.”

“AKKOOOOOOOOOOO!” They could see the madness in Sherry’s eyes from there.

“I have to run!” Akko stated, opening the door. “I have to lead her away from the school.”

“I have an idea.” Pisti began. “Akko, change into a mouse and let me carry you, and some of you can fly and split up in different directions. We’ll try to confuse her.”

“Good idea.” Aladdin agreed. “She may not expect someone else to carry her. The rest of us will stay and defend the school.”

“Urgh… very well.” Diana sighed. “Please be careful.”

Akko took a breath to relieve her fear and poofed into a mouse. Pisti picked her up and hid her under her pink top. Hannah was the first to take flight, then Barbara, then Pisti, then Sucy. The Artemyran lightly kicked the air as her wings allowed her to fly. “Your Majesty, one of them must have the girl!” Goomnut stated.

“EEEEeeeehhh! Akko? AKKO?!” Sherry’s head spun as she looked in each of the four directions.

“Constanze, I think you know what this calls for.” Amanda implied.

“HMMPH!” With a firm expression, Constanze flipped over her control panel and pressed a huge button with a robot symbol.

“Burning Soul converted to magic power. Seven shiny stars of justice! Believe in the heart that believes in magic! Grand Charion, the Magic Warrior is here!”

With Constanze at the helm, the Stanship transformed into a mighty and steadfast robot, defined by red, white, blue, and golden segments, with Luna Nova’s symbol marked around its body. Seven distinct gems were shining on it, and as the Charion posed, those gems lined up like the Big Dipper.

“Akko?!” Queen Sherry gawked at the mecha, its shining eyes glaring up at the Titan on her castle steps.

“What a neat toy!” Buu beamed.

“Well, that was unexpected.” Hisoka commented.

Primed and ready for action, the Grand Charion launched to the sky! “Okay, Master Constanze! Let’s kill da ho!” It pulled its right arm back, readying for a rocket punch as the Great Grandma readied her Soul Quartz. “Beeeeetch!”

Going back to that Pawtucket scene, have you noticed almost every time someone is revealed as a Logia, their head gets cut off? Well, stay tuned for Chapter 9: “Bad End Musical.”

Chapter Text

Remember how easy the old Big Mom was? Well, I guess she does have something in common with her ancestor. Play “Poor Unfortunate Souls” by the Jonas Brothers!

Luna Nova

The Grand Charion’s right arm blasted at Queen Sherry like a rocket, the very air vibrating as she blocked it with her Soul Quartz combined with Psychic Chi. Meanwhile, the left fist flew and destroyed the platform the queen was standing on. Sherry fell, but was rescued by Zeus, the nimbus performing a somersault in the air before diving at Charion full speed. “BREAKING POINT!” Sherry spun around as pink psychic amassed on her sword in the form of a drill. The mecha extracted a shield and pushed the drill back, using all the power it could muster to do so. Constanze felt the shield weakening, so she boosted away from the Titan.

“ZEUS!” Sherry jumped as the raincloud flew to the sky. “Prometheus!” The sun replaced him as Sherry’s foothold, igniting brighter than ever. “Loyal darlings strong as the tide! Sweetest poopsies hasten to my side!” Zeus began to swirl a storm, his gargantuan grin eclipsing the entire sky. “Mama needs you, crush those wretched fools! Make them writhe!” The queen caught fire as her flames turned pink, slashing fireballs that the Charion dispersed with punches. Meanwhile, students were scurrying to the front gates, but a grinning, cocky Zeus struck purple lightning down around them.

“DON’T HURT THE STUDENTS!” Diana shouted. “They have nothing to do with this!”

“I’ll stop if you tell me where Akko is.” Zeus replied with a troll face.

“Then I’ll serve as your lightning rod!” Aladdin flew up on his magic carpet and raised his Genie Lamp to catch the purple lightning and shoot it back to the sky. He reacted quickly as Zeus threw lightning at a faster pace. “WHOA!” He was forced to dodge jawbreaker cannons from the Soul Cake Castle.

“La, la la la, la la la!” Lotte sang in a fast-paced tone, her voice amplified by the Charion’s speaker. Her soothing voice reached the ears of Soul Cake Castle, causing it to dance and cease fire in a jaunty fashion.

The Grand Charion unleashed a storm of rapid punches upon Sherry, the target in question appearing doll-size to the mecha. Sherry protected herself with a psychic bubble, and it began cracking slightly until the Charion’s left foot abruptly boosted its rocket and tilted off-balance, Sherry dropping the bubble and flying to stab the robot’s stomach. “Hey, why did the leg boost?!” Amanda asked.

“It’s Minister Goomnut again!” Diana deduced. “It seems he can use his power on parts of the Charion.”

“Constanze, swat that mushroom off her damn shoulder.”

“Okay, Master! Pop da pimp!” The Charion launched missiles that Sherry had no trouble swatting away, then it tried to swing an upper-cut, but it was blocked by a psychic bubble. Sherry dropped the shield when the arm returned, but it had secretly detached its index finger as it flew behind the queen and was coming at Goomnut. The Goomba turned and, “AAAAAAHHH!”

Majin Buu shot a laser and destroyed the finger. “Thingy went boom!”

“Grrrr!” Constanze growled.

At this time, Barbara had flown several miles away from the school, looking behind her in worry. “I guess all I can do is find another sector and get their help. Sooner or later, more pirates will show—AAAAH!” She was grabbed by a pair of long-nailed hands that brought her to the ground with great force.

The stretchy arms then yanked her over to Hisoka, who kept a firm grip on her arms. “I’ve been growing tired of this game of Cat and Mouse, sweetheart. So, why don’t you tell me where Akko is?”

“ERGH!” Barbara tried to kick him in the crotch, but it dealt no pain to his squishy gum body.

“Kick as much as you like. It won’t hurt me, sweetheart!” Hisoka spoke with a rather unsettling and seductive smile. “No, seriously… as much as you like.” He whispered very softly.

At that moment, Barbara expected only the worst. “HEEELP! HANNAH, PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE!”

“Now, why would you be calling your friend to the enemy? Unless she didn’t have Akko with her.” Barbara gasped, mentally cursing herself for falling for such a trick. “And it doesn’t feel like she’s tucked away in this tight little body of yours.” Hisoka brushed his left leg around Barbara, who felt every ounce of innocence leaving her. “I guess that only leaves two guesses. Time to tempt fate.” With that, he slipped off his right boot and held his foot up beside his ear, holding a communicator with it. “Commander Buu, the winged girl has Akko.” Barbara internally gasped.

“Okay, Friend Hisoka!” Buu responded. “Gramma, Gramma, Buu know where Akko is! Buu go get her!” And he flew in Pisti’s direction.

“No! Did he figure it out?!” Diana questioned.

From the ground, Ursula heard the Majin and watched him fly off. “He’s going after Akko?!” With a stern expression, she bolted after him.

“Professor Ursula, get back here!” Finnelan ordered.

Zeus saw her and struck lightning down, but Ursula was swift to dodge the bolts. “I’m a teacher, darn it! I won’t sit around while my student is in danger!” (End song.)

As Pisti continued skipping across the air, she gasped when Buu began to shoot beams at her. “Buu got you! Buu got you! Buu know you have Akko!”

Pisti turned to face him with a fearless expression. I’m crazy to think I can fight a Majin. Luckily, he seems as childish as any other. She smirked deviously. “Okay, you got me: I was the one who took Akko. But you can only take her if you win my game.”

“Ooo, a game! Buu loves games!”

“All you have to do is guess which one is Akko.” With that, Pisti began playing her flute, and Buu looked down as a swarm of field mice began scurrying across the grass. The Majin examined them intently, eyes rolling in every direction as he tried to determine any unique features between the tiny orange rodents. “Uhh…grrrrr, GIVE BUU A HINT!”

“Akko is the smallest one!” Pisti smirked, then resumed playing.

“Errr…uhhh…” Buu tried to determine which mouse was the smallest. He flew down closer, trying to look for baby mice hidden under the stampede.

Little did he know that Akko had actually turned into an ant and was hiding behind Pisti’s ear. I guess all I can do now is wait for a good chance to get away. But I won’t get far on these little legs.

“OW!” Buu yelped after being hit with a Blast Spell. Pisti gasped, seeing that Ursula was responsible.

“Can’t you let those poor mice cross the field in peace?!” the teacher declared, her wand forming a green beam like a lightsaber. Hopefully Akko can make it across the field if I distract him.

_{“Professor Ursula, no!”} Akko Ant cried with an inaudible voice. Sometimes, her teacher could be just so dense!

“Buu playing! Mean lady go!” Buu zapped magic that would turn the grass into lollipops, Ursula dodging as she ran under the Majin and called, “Ascendio!” launching up and SLICING Buu up the middle like a piece of burning jelly.

“Fineltina la Serana!” Buu was severed into more pieces by magic swords, cast from Diana’s wand. “Professor Ursula, let’s use a rope spell with Fusion Magic!”

“Good idea!” Diana flew down beside the teacher, wands ready as the Majin began to reassemble. “Juras Haras Haras!” Magic ropes lashed out of the wands, enveloping Buu completely as he fell to the ground.

The Majin squirmed in his binds and- “BUU!” escaped before shooting magic, the witches dodging as Diana cast an ice spell to freeze him. Ursula sliced his frozen body into pieces.

“Akko, I think you should try to run.” Pisti whispered to the ant.

_{“Why? That genie’s a total pushover, they’re making chopped liver out of him.”}

“MmmmmmmrrrrrrRRRAAAAAHHH!” The ice exploded as all the parts quickly reformed. The Majin inhaled air through all his holes, growing red with anger as he cried, “ANGRY CANDY WORLD!” He BURST with magical energy, Diana and Ursula going beside Pisti and creating a Protego. The field morphed into the form of a gigantic pancake, with lollipops, chocolate bars, and candycane trees growing everywhere.

After recomposing himself, Buu glared at the bubbled witches and swooped down, dealing rapid punches on the shield before it shattered in seconds. Diana and Ursula grew fatigued from the attack, and this made it easy for Buu to ensnare them with Licoropes. Ursula managed to grab her lightsaber and slice the ropes, setting Diana free afterwards. More Licoropes came at them like serpents, the witches swiftly cutting them down before Diana was hit by a jawbreaker cannonball. Buu had molded a cannon from his bellybutton, squeezing it and shooting one each time. Ursula ran up to him while slicing each jawbreaker in half, but the Majin erected a tower of chocolate bars to completely surround him.

“He can use his magic to create candy out of thin air, in any way, shape, or form he pleases.” Diana explained.

The Majin began shooting cannonballs through the chocolate, each segment breaking as the one above it fell to replace it. Ursula used a Gravity Spell on the chocolate tower in order to run straight up it, and once at the top, she dove straight into the opening, aiming her wand at Buu and calling, “Diphulaniado!”

The base of the tower exploded with magic, in the form of a sparkly green light. “Professor!” Diana ran to the fallen teacher’s aid, casting a healing spell on her. The use of the explosion spell had turned Ursula’s blue hair into red. “Why would you do something so dangerous?” Diana asked as she gave her an Ether.

“We need to damage him as much as possible.” Ursula replied, drinking the potion as her hair morphed blue again. “It may not seem like it, but he’s growing weaker.”

“LOOK!” Pisti screamed, pointing at the sky above Luna Nova in the distance. “The pirates are here!”

The Ivory Castle, Marshmallow Majin, Drunken Clam, and Gran Picante descended from Zeus’s cloud, along with their own squads of ships. “’EY, Commander Bippity Bop!” The Breakfast Club’s ship was looming above Diana and Ursula, with Tony holding Pilaf by the shirt. “How ’bout a little shrivelly dingaling?” Lucky asked as Tony dropped Pilaf to the soft pancake ground.

“Professor, get away from him!” Diana yelled. “That goblin can reverse peoples’ ages!”

“Hurf!” Pilaf got to his feet, facing a reforming Buu as he cast an Age Circle. “This will help you drop a few pounds, Buu!” With a great surge of his power, Buu was engulfed in a light, and they watched as his body compressed and grew thinner. When it stopped, Majin Buu now had a muscular physique, with red eyes and black sclera, and a wicked grin. Compared to the pudgy, bubbly nature of his older form, this one sent chills down their spines.

The first thing that Teen Buu did was ignite his antenna with light. “SWEET NATION!” Diana and Ursula created a Protego, and to their horror, a storm of energy beams erupted from his little antenna. None of them attacked the duo, but they flew right in the direction of the school. Despite the Protego that the teachers projected around the students, the beams burrowed underground and struck each and every one of them. Screams erupted from the crowd as they fell to their knees, completely paralyzed as their bodies morphed into chocolate.

Yet it didn’t stop there, for even more beams flew off in the distance, going to the town of Blytonbury and turning every single citizen into chocolate! This included Andrew and all the students of Appleton Academy—Annabel Crème as she was at her laptop—the servants at the House of Cavendish—many of whom were still worriedly watching the news, and them and many innocent civilians shared a chocolaty fate.

“AAAH!” Pisti was zapped as well, and Ant Akko fell to the ground beside her foot. The ant looked up in horror as her protector became a great sweet statue. Akko began to see no way out of this situation. Even if she became a mouse to run faster, Buu could easily spot her. But whether or not she was an ant, she felt helpless all the same.

“That Majin…” Aladdin grit his teeth in anger. “I can use my Genie Lamp to undo his spells, but—AAAAGH!” He was struck by Zeus’s lightning.

“Buu tired of playing.” the Majin said furiously. “Give Buu Akko.”

“NEVER!” Ursula cast a weaker explosive spell before running up to behead Buu with her lightsaber, but she was PUNCHED in the face with such force that it flung her miles across the field.

“HO CHICKITY!” Lucky proclaimed, using oversized binoculars to see into the distance. “Buu just splooped all da dang doops inta poops! Too bad them jingity djinns can’t kill worth a clothespin. So, here’s mah propo’, JoJo.” The leprechaun extracted multiple guns and formed them into a sniper rifle, training it in the school’s direction. “I go’ kill a ho fo’ every mo’ Akko don’t show.” He aimed the gun on a frozen Wangari first and began to count in what they assumed were numbers: “Wiggity. Tooty-fruity. Trifilly. Flip-flawp. Fignutin’. Seesaw Sally. Sanky Hang Pang!”

“STOP!” At that instant, Akko seemed to burst out of thin air, raising her arms in defeat. “I can’t take it, anymore! Please stop hurting them! Please!”

“AKKO!” Diana and Ursula screamed in great anger and fear.

With a smirk, Buu GRIPPED Akko by the neck and WHOOSHED across the field. Diana mounted her broom, allowing Ursula on as well as they boosted after them.

In no time, Buu returned to the school grounds, dropping Akko on her front and pinning her down. “Grandma! Buu brought food!”

“AKKO?!” The excited queen abandoned her fight with the Charion and jumped off Prometheus. “FINALLY! My sweet Akko!”

Suddenly, Buu was trapped inside a floating bell, pulling him off Akko. “Run, Miss Kagari!” ordered Headmistress Holbrooke, using her wand to bash a magic gong. This caused the bell to DOOOOOONG!, causing Buu’s body to vibrate furiously, feeling as if his very eardrums were beating his brain to a pulp.

Sasha Blouse jumped off the Clam, about to cut the bell with her giant sword, but the Amazon was bound in magic ropes by Professor Finnelan. “You didn’t think a cheap candy spell was enough to hold us, did you?!”

“You’re just lucky I prepared this antidote ahead of time.” Sucy said as she poured a white, mint-smelling potion on the frozen students, melting the chocolate off their bodies. Pawtucket Pat tried to catch Sucy in a large beer hand, but Professor Lukić threw a liquid nitrogen potion up to freeze the Beer Logia completely.

“Professor Finnelan, watch out!” cried Barbara. Everyone faced up, seeing what looked to be a massive balloon at first. However, upon closer inspection, it was Hisoka, having inflated his arm by blowing air into his thumb, whilst the left arm still had Barbara tied.

“Gum-Gum Elephant Gun!” The giant fist blasted down as Finnelan drew a quick Protego, which nearly cracked under Hisoka’s strength.

“AAAAGH!” Hisoka felt an unbearable, searing pain against his back: Hannah England had dropped on him from her broom, wearing a black and red dress that seemed like the molten ground of a volcano.

“So, do you like my Magma Gown?!” Hannah remarked, sweating greatly from the heat. “It really takes your breath away, huh?”

Hisoka crashed on the ground, releasing Barbara and bending his arm back to punch Hannah off. His gummy body was scorched and melted where Hannah hugged him. Ernesto Taco threw meteors down at the teachers, but the Tostarenan was stabbed from all directions by bladed broomsticks, controlled by Professor Nelson.

“AKKOOOOO!” Queen Sherry stomped toward her standing prey with arms raised, but the Grand Charion grabbed her comparatively little arms.

“AKKO, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” Amanda shouted.

“Let Mama go!” Prometheus fumed, blowing pink flames onto the Charion.

To his surprise, all the flames were being absorbed into Alibaba’s sword. “Did I mention my Amol Saiqa can suck in flames?! Have a closer look, Sunny!” He used Rocket Boost to fly up and STAB Prometheus, the sun crying as his body shrank. He barely flew away with what sliver of size he had left. “Gotta admit, this was a hefty amount of heat you gave me. I think it’s time for a STORM CUTTER!” With one terrific slash, a road of pink flames flew to the sky, and Zeus cried as his overshadowing body was split down the middle.

“Sherry, please!” Akko yelled. “Please, I don’t want to lose my soul! You and I are friends! I saved your life, I gave you the magic show you wanted! Why can’t you let me live?!”

“SO… DELICIOUS! AKKOOOOOO!”

“CHARION DRILL!” The Charion’s shield morphed into a mighty drill, driving it into Sherry with extreme force. The queen grabbed her Soul Quartz, mixing it with Psychic Chi as she held the drill back.

“Akko, it’s pointless!” Diana shouted, having just arrived with Ursula. “She’s not going to stop until she has you! Please, you have to get away! You have to live!”

“DEAD END MUSICAL!” A powerful diamond shield BURST from Sherry’s heart! (Play “Weight of Life” from XC3!)

“AKKO!” Ursula dove off the broom, grabbing her student and ducking. The Diamond Shield left a small gap meant exclusively to trap Akko, with Ursula being an unintended extra. Everything else, including the Grand Charion, the teachers, and even Goomnut were completely pushed out.

“Akko… my precious Akko…” Sherry began to cry. “I can’t lose you… Akko…”

The aforementioned gap had sealed, leaving absolutely no way out of this diamond prison. The Charion punched the diamond with every last ounce of strength it could muster. With the amount of Psychic Chi Her Majesty is using, this barrier won’t last long. Goomnut thought. But there is no way to escape from it until it falls.

The crying queen stomped toward her helpless prey. Akko remained still in the warming arms of her teacher. She knew there was no way Ursula would give up her student. She was willing to defend Akko like a mother… and because of that, her life could be nearing its end. There’s got to be something I can do. Anything. … Akko put her hand to her Shiny Rod. What if I use the Seventh Word of Arcturus? I can absorb the energy from everyone in the area, and then me and Ursula could destroy her with a Shiny Ballista. I know I vowed never to kill, but if I don’t, Ursula will die. …But if we DO kill her, then the pirates will destroy Luna Nova. And it’ll all be my fault.

Cassiopea had donned a white mask, morphing into an adult form, which she used to kick Diana out of the air. The Grand Charion tried to drill into the diamond, but an escaped Buu sent the colossus flying with a mighty punch. “Useless machine.” Goomnut smirked. “Its Power Level of 15,000 was matched with Majin Buu’s. And yet, it thought it could defeat Great Grandma’s Power Level of 23,000?!”

They’re all getting hurt because of me. Queen Sherry came to Luna Nova in the first place because she loved my magic. It’s all my fault…It’s all my fault…

“At long last… My sweet… beautiful SOUL!” Sherry was crying tears of joy. There was no way this pathetic teacher could keep her from her savory meal.

“PLEASE don’t take her! Don’t take Akko away from us!” Ursula pled. “She has so much to live for. Please don’t take away her future!”

“Soul… or… LIIIIIFE?”

“…Then please.” Ursula released Akko and walked forward, raising her arms to the queen. “Take my soul. Please spare Akko and take me instead.”

“Professor Ursula…” Akko’s fear and guilt began to rise to its peak.

The teacher’s soul began to wriggle out of her body. She turned to Akko, smiling like a proud mother. “You’ll be an amazing witch, Akko… I know you will. No matter what you do… I was so honored to be your teacher.”

“No…” It was clear that her mentor had no intention of moving. The ravenous queen would soon swipe her hand and end the life of the one who inspired her. In only a second, a warm, guiding light would leave Akko’s life.

“Soul… POCUS!”

“Good-bye, Akko…”

“NO!!” Tears flying behind her, Akko leapt forth and pushed her teacher away with all strength and speed. Queen Sherry’s mighty hand snatched Akko’s soul.

The world turned dark to Ursula’s eyes. It turned dark to Diana, Lotte, and all the others. Ursula rushed to catch her body… but it was too late.

Akko’s joyful pink soul squirmed in Sherry’s hand. Tears leaked from the queen’s eyes. “Akko… oh, Akko…” The queen puckered her lips and very slowly slurped Akko up like a precious smoothie. “Sluuuuuurrrrrrp…” The taste was beyond anything she ever dreamed. So many delicious emotions, so much joy and sadness and anger, all mixed in with passionate dreams and heartache. Sherry had never tasted a soul this rare. It was so innocent and imaginative and beautiful.

The queen smacked her lips and brushed her tongue around her mouth, savoring every ounce of taste. “Akko… you are my friend, too.” She placed a hand to her diamond heart. The Diamond Shield faded away, and the pirates ceased fighting. “Don’t leave me, Akko… don’t leave me…”

“AKKO!” Diana raced to her friend with tears flying.

“No.” Lotte cupped hands over her own mouth to restrain her screams, but her glasses were becoming wet and blurry. “No no no. Please no. Please.”

“Oh, Akko! You fill me with so much life!” Queen Sherry danced and smiled to the sunny heavens, grinning like a carefree child. “One hundred years of dreams and love! Your soul will be the heart of Sweetopia! I’ll take it and make the most wonderful world! A world where all races can live in bliss! And if nobody wishes to live there, they’ll die!”

“A beautiful soul~ A beautiful soul~ O Little Witch, stay in our hearts, forever~”

Amanda wanted nothing more than to murder all those singy, happy objects. She felt so much anger and she wanted to unleash it all on all these pirates.

And for a moment, Diana almost lost her calm composure. Looking up at the queen, she realized… her heart was exposed again. Her beating Diamond was heard by all. This would be the perfect chance… to cast another magic sword spell and impale the old hag. For that time, Diana didn’t care about breaking her vow, not if it could get Akko back. But if she had… then Akko’s sacrifice would have been for nothing.

“Now, wasn’t that simply easy?” Goomnut asked. “Do you see how much unnecessary death we just avoided? Perhaps I underestimated that girl.”

Amanda glared at the Goomba, clenching her teeth so hard they almost cracked. …Then, an idea struck her: “Boy, Queen Sherry, I bet you could sure go for a cake right now.” Goomnut choked on his breath.

“Oh, the cake! I almost forgot about the cake. What a wonderful way to follow up such a meal. Where is my cake?” She looked around. “Come to think of it, why aren’t we on Sweetopia?”

“W-We came here in pursuit of Akko, Your Majesty.” Goomnut responded. “And the cake… er, eh…”

“HE LET THE KREMLING KREW TAKE IT!” Amanda shouted.

“YOU-!!”

“Gooooomnuuuuuuut.” The nut-head’s chocolate body turned pale as the queen loomed over him imposingly. “That girl is only joking, right? Surely you caught those traitorous relatives?”

“Uh, I…I-I-I…”

“Memoria Bibendum!” Hannah cast the Memory Recall Spell at Goomnut and displayed a screen from his mind.

“FORGET THE CAKE! FORGET THE CAKE! FORGET THE CAKE!” The same clip repeated.

“N-NO! I-It’s not what it looks like!” Goomnut panicked.

“If that cake isn’t in my belly by the end of my birthday… you’ll pay with your life.”

That flushed all the color out of him. “ALL PIRATES!!” He zipped over and made a great leap to the castle. “HEAD TO K. ROOL’S KEEP AND GET THE CAKE!!”

Queen Sherry leapt onto Zeus and returned to her castle. Within moments, the castle teleported away, and all the ships zipped to the sky in a hurry. (Play “The Bereaved and Those Left Behind” from XC3.)

Lotte was still crying, Barbara hugging her for comfort. “Wait.” They looked up when Ursula spoke. “Her heart… it’s still beating.”

_{“… … …”} Akko’s eyelids rose, exposing the lower half of her murky red eyes. _{“Professor…”}

“Sh…She’s alive…” Diana spoke in a low breath.

“Oh, thank God, thank you thank you.” Lotte gasped with folded hands. Her heart couldn’t take any more stress.

_{“…Hey… I guess I’m okay.”} Akko smiled, very weakly holding up her right hand. _{“That wasn’t so bad… it wasn’t…”} Her voice was so low that Akko must have been using the most minimal amount of breath to speak. As if she was making very careful use of what little breath remained.

“Akko… why…” Tears dripped from Ursula’s red eyes. “Why didn’t you let me? I’ve already had my time in the spotlight. It was your turn. Why?”

_{“Because… it was my soul she wanted. Not yours. It wouldn’t have worked. You would have died for nothing…”}

“Akko…” She was by far the bravest witch Ursula has ever known.

“Of course…” Lotte whispered. “Queen Sherry didn’t take her actual soul… she took her life force.”

“One hundred years of life.” Diana recalled the queen’s words. “It’s true that mages can live a couple decades longer than normal humans… but Akko is a Muggle-born. She may not have such a luxury… and factoring in her Magic Deficiency…”

Akko’s knees shook as she tried to bend them back and set her feet on the ground. Sadly, her body felt like it weighed tons. Her bones felt like the heaviest stone, and her eyes felt like they haven’t slept in years. All the energy and stamina her little heart could muster were useless. “Akko, please.” Diana pled, helping Ursula hold her. “Please conserve your strength. You’re barely holding onto life.”

_{“I’m sorry, guys… I’m sorry I made you waste all this time for me. I’m sorry for putting you in danger.”}

“It’s okay, Akko.” Ursula spoke calmly, smiling to ease her student’s heart. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll take you to your room so you can rest.”

She, Diana, and Jasminka helped carry the powerless girl to the school. The students and staff opened a path for them to walk. Akko’s eyes felt heavy as she rolled them left and right, seeing looks of pity on everyone. Wangari was not in the mood for interviews like she usually was, and Akko was glad to see Molly wishing for the best. There were tons of students whose names Akko didn’t know, except for some that she sometimes talked to. She had a tense relationship with most of the teachers, especially Finnelan, and there was a time when all of these students doubted Akko’s skill, even after her recent feats. She wondered what was circling through their minds, which students looked at her with genuine concern or just pity. How many of them were disappointed that this wannabe witch amounted to just nothing?

Avalar KND Moonbase

“And that pretty much sums up what just happened.” Alibaba finished recapping the story to Griffin Firecrystal. “Aladdin is working to free all the people in town from Buu’s spell.”

“And Numbuh Try is still alive?” Griffin asked.

“Yeah, but she’s… looking pretty grim. Even healing spells didn’t seem to fix her any.”

“Sigh… Based on the reports from other KNDs, it sounds like the Four Emperors are becoming more serious. We can’t leave them alone, anymore. As for Great Grandma…”

The Supreme Leader headed to the Global Tactical Station. “This is Supreme Leader Numbuh 1,000 C to all sectors. Due to recent events regarding the Big Mom Pirates, the S-ranked criminal Queen Sherbet Linlin has been deemed an extreme threat. Operatives are given permission to kill… if, at all, possible.”

Chocolatown; Lala’s Mansion

“Oh, Terry… I can’t wait until we get married!” MaKayla said, lovingly embracing her friend in the dark of his room. “I always panic over seeing someone’s blood… but yours is so tasty. Thank you for helping me overcome my fear…”

“It’s… m-my pleasure… Kayla…”

“Aren’t you two just cute together?” Hisoka asked with a creepy smile. “I sure wish I could get to kiss you like that. Still, if you don’t go along with this wedding plan… Grandma says I get to marry her instead.” And he licked his smooth lips.

“Sigh…” Terry merely sat still as his friend continued to fondle him. He desperately prayed for a way out of this, but his friends were captured and his parents were memory wiped. “Well, George, you still think Suki is our guiding Light now?”

Akko’s Room

Hannah changed Akko into her pajamas with magic as she was lain on her bed. Her eight friends guarded her with worried hearts. Will-o’-chan hugged himself to the left of Akko’s chest, feeling her weak heartbeat. Thump… … Thump… … The spirit beat in rhythm with her heart.

“How long do you think she has?” Lotte asked.

“I’m… not sure.” Diana sighed. “She’s 17 years old… and after losing 100 years, she is as frail as 117 years old. It all depends…”

“Diana.” Hannah got close to her ear and whispered. “This… might be your last chance to tell her, you know?”

Diana glanced at her with tears welling up. She wouldn’t try to deny her true feelings. She walked over to her bedridden friend. Her face was always so vibrant and lively, and her crimson eyes shone with true passion. It hurt so much to see Akko in such a powerless state. “Akko…”

_{“Diana… I…I don’t want to die. I don’t… Not like this. Otherwise… people will hate magic. If I die just for making someone happy… what kind of message is that? Please…Please, there must be something…”}

Akko was right. She was guilty of nothing except delivering the magic show that she promised. She succeeded in making Queen Sherry feel friendship and warm emotions. No matter what her grades were in class, she has brought this school miracles. And without her, this school would flood with darkness and misery. Even if they were the only ones who realize this. “Akko…” Diana softly touched her pale cheek. It was always so cute when Akko flushed with embarrassment or frustration. “You are the most wonderful witch… and I would be happy to share my life with you.”

Share her life… Diana meant this in the most long-term way possible. She wanted to share her life with Akko forever. Share my life… And yet, she wondered if such a thing were possible. Diana lifted her head, swallowing her emotions and returning to the calm and focused aura everyone knew so well.

“Diana…” Lotte spoke as their leader left the room.

She walked all the way to her own room and found a book about healing spells. She flipped through the pages until she found the one she was looking for. With that, she returned to Akko’s room. “My mother told me about all kinds of medical spells and forms of healing. I just remembered one of them in particular: it’s called Life Transfusion.” She opened the book and showed them an image of a magic circle. “Often times, mothers give birth to children with weak hearts. These children were bound to die in about a year, or perhaps much less. So, the mothers or fathers use their magic to transfer their life force onto the child. Naturally, this decreases their own life span.”

“So… we could do that?” Amanda asked with a glimmer of hope, mixed with worry, in her eyes.

“Unfortunately, it only works if you share blood with the subject. And Akko is the only mage in her family.”

The friends bowed their heads. Their glimmer of hope was merely an illusion. _{“What about… Sheila?”} The friends whipped around at the sound of Akko’s whisper. Though light was fading from her eyes, she had enough to sport a quirky smile. _{“When I fought Sheila… we sure spilled a lot of blood. It got all over the ground… heh…heh…”}

Amanda forced a snicker. “Yeah, it’s too bad Sheila isn’t a witch, you big dummy.”

“Besides, if it were that easy,” Sucy inferred, “we’d just have to take some of Akko’s blood and put it in a jar with ours.”

“… … …” Just the idea that it could be that easy would make Akko want to try. So, what’s to stop Diana from trying it, too? “Sucy, get a jar and some syringes.”

The potion witch gasped and was quick to follow her order. She extracted blood from Akko’s hand and Diana’s, dripping them both into the same vial. Diana then began to draw the circle as depicted in the book on the floor. Afterwards, she lifted Akko and set her in the circle. “I’ll start by giving you one year of my life force.” She drew a ‘1Y’ on the bottom of the circle. “Okay…” She held her wand in both hands and focused on Akko. The weakened girl had opened her eyelids a tad more, with just a very tiny glimmer of hope. “By my power and my will, I bless unto you my life, and pray that your future is bright.”

They expected something to happen, at least for a light to appear on her wand. “…Sigh, nothing.” Diana huffed in anger. Again, their hopes were shot down.

“W-Wait.” Barbara spoke next. “Maybe the book is talking about wizard blood classes. What if the same type of wizard has to share blood? Maybe a Muggle-born has to do it.”

“Yeah!” Hannah agreed. “And, I know Akko takes priority, but since we’re still missing life force too, you could test it on us, Diana. Since we’re purebloods like you.”

“Very well. At this point, we shouldn’t turn down any idea.”

With that, Jasminka lifted Akko back onto her bed as Hannah took her place on the circle. “For now, I think we’ll skip the blood-drawing part.” Diana figured, focusing her wand. “Here it goes…” With that, she repeated the same phrase she had used previously.

For a moment, no one expected anything to happen. It may have just been wishful thinking. …Then, Diana’s wand began to glow. Akko’s eyelids lifted again at the sight of it. A small green light traveled from Diana’s heart, through the wand, and slowly floated into Hannah. The latter felt a slight tickly feeling, as if the extra year of life were settling itself in with her nerves.

“Oh my God, it worked.” Hannah said.

“Then… we just need Constanze to use it on Akko!” Amanda realized. “She’s a Muggle-born, too!”

“That may be so.” Diana followed. “But she is required to speak the spell clearly and concisely. She is good at nonverbal magic, but that cannot help her here.”

“Mmmm…” Constanze bowed her head in shame. It’s clear there was nothing good to come from her stutter.

“We’re on the right track, at least.” Lotte smiled, her fears beginning to dwindle from this growing ray of hope. “We just need to find another Muggle-born.”

“Leave that to me.” Diana decided, leaving the room again.

“Mmm… I’m sorry-ry-y-y, Ak-k-ko.” Constanze said.

Akko sported a grin, her right hand shaking as she raised it with a thumbs-up. Seeing how hard they were trying to think of a solution seemed to put just a tiny hint of life back inside her.

Diana went to the Nine Witches’ Hall, where the other professors were gathered. “You want a Muggle-born to use a Life Transfusion on Akko?” Finnelan asked.

“Yes. I’m positive it could save her. I considered Constanze, but her disability may make the task difficult. …Professor Ursula, what’s your blood class?”

“Mmm, half-blood. Sorry.” she replied regretfully.

“Here is a list of all the Muggle-borns in our school.” Headmistress Holbrooke said, giving Diana the list. “But we can’t promise that any of them will agree to this plan.”

Diana skimmed the list for a moment… her eyes perked up at a particular name. “Well, there is someone who may.” On that note, she left the room.

“I think I’ll go with you.” Ursula offered, leaving as well.

“Whatever she’s planning, I hope it works.” Professor Badcock said. “If people find out about this mess, it’ll leave a serious black mark on Luna Nova. And if a student dies because of it, they’ll shut us down!”

“I’m more worried about losing such a valuable and dedicated student.” Holbrooke replied. “However, I suppose we should write a letter to Miss Kagari’s family. They deserve to know.”

Diana and Ursula returned to the West Dormitory. Diana knocked on a door, and it was answered by the very person she sought: a dark-skinned girl with pale blue hair covering her right eye, in a similar manner to Sucy. “Hello, Diana. …Is Akko, okay?” asked Molly McIntyre.

“Yes. In fact, I wanted to ask you something, Molly.”

After a brief explanation, Molly followed them up to Akko’s room. “Hmmm… one year, huh?” She observed the ‘1Y’ on the circle. “It’s a safe number to practice, but if you expect good results, we should go a little higher.” She erased the ‘1’ and wrote ‘50’ in its place.

“Molly, that isn’t unnecessary.” Ursula said worriedly. “At the very least, give her five years. That will keep her alive long enough until we can get her life force back.”

_{“Yeah… Molly… I’ll be fine… with at least one year…”}

“This school needs you, Akko. Whether or not you choose to fight the pirates again, you’ll need as much strength as possible. After all, you make us all happy.” Molly gave a smile. “Besides, you all helped me get my life back. Why shouldn’t I share it with you?”

Everyone looked to Akko for her answer. The red-eyed witch returned the smile and replied in a whisper, _{“Thank you… Molly.”}

Jasminka set her on the circle again as Molly readied her wand. “By my power and my will, I bless unto you my life, and pray that your future is bright.”

An even brighter light shone from Molly, and a greater body of life force traveled from the wand to Akko’s brittle body. The feeling of the extra life entering her felt like inhaling the world’s largest air bubble in one big huff. Akko felt like she were a baby, breathing for the first time all over again. Her chest felt congested, so she held onto it, eyes tearing as she tried to take small breaths. “Akko!” Lotte gasped, fearing that this plan was backfiring.

This lasted for a few more minutes, for Akko’s body needed the time to get adjusted to the life force. She remained calm and firm, her breath consistent as she waited patiently for the sensation to stop. And before she knew it… it all stopped. Akko kept her hand to her chest, feeling her heartbeat returning to a normal flow.

Her legs shook a bit as she planted her feet to the floor and stood up. “…It worked.” Akko studied her hands as joy returned to her features. “I’m going to be okay! YAAAAY!” She jumped and kicked her legs out.

“Akko.” Ursula said, holding up a weakened Molly.

“Oh…” Akko walked up and embraced her in a hug. “Molly, thank you. I’m so grateful. You’ve given me a second chance.”

“It was my pleasure, Akko.”

“It didn’t hurt you too badly, did it?”

“The more years you choose to contribute,” Diana explained, “the more magic you will exhaust. It’s natural to feel fatigued, but you will recover with rest.”

“That’s good. So, what will you do now, Akko?” Molly asked.

At this, Akko felt all eyes on her again. It was times like this she really felt like the leader. “Hmm…” She released Molly and turned away in thought. “You know… I really thought Queen Sherry could’ve been our friend. But no matter how crazy you are, real friends don’t try to eat your soul. She’s a monster and she needs to be stopped. For Luna Nova’s sake, too. And after I get my life force back from her, I’ll be sure to return yours, Molly.” She faced her friend with a smile. “We all deserve to live as long as possible!”

“We could always hope the Big Moms and the Kremlings kill each other.” Sucy inferred.

“Even so… as Kids Next Door operatives, it is our duty to bring these pirates to justice.” Diana said. “And I have a feeling… this is only the beginning of our battle with them.”

So, let’s flash back to Sector MG for a moment:

Alicia got down and hugged her son (Oliver). “Sweetheart… I never wanted to tell you this, but… when you were born, you didn’t cry. Your heart was weak, too. Your father was already gone, but I wanted you to live. So… I used a spell to give you half of my life force. It was just enough to make sure you would live a full life, and I would be able to raise you.”

Isn’t the foreshadowing in this series just delicious? It’s also kind of similar to Harry Potter, where he sacrifices himself, but he survives… only difference is, poor Akko wasn’t getting out of it unscathed. That’s the cute thing about her, though, she always needs help! ^^ In fact, I think Chapter 3 of MG kind of foreshadowed this whole scenario. As for Molly, she’s from the LWA game, Chamber of Time. The thing is, I actually had a dozen different options for the conclusion, but you can find those on the Wikia. And as you can see, there is a lot of unresolved conflicts in this story that will naturally carry on to Pirate Wars.

But anyways, what did YOU guys think of this story?! Which part was your favorite, who was your favorite Big Mom Pirate or division, which province in Sweetopia would you live, and was Lucky not the best character in this story?! (Besides Akko?!) But it isn’t time for the wars, yet: Sherry Linlin is merely the first of the Four Emperors! And I wonder who could be next?

…

The Hungry Men pulled a gigantic wagon into a vault, carrying none other than the prized Linlin Family Cake. As it was left to shine in the center of this glittering treasury, King Kroctus Rool gazed up at its marvel. He could just imagine the look of fury on Queen Sherry’s face right now. It made him so happy that he felt like singing!

It’s great to be a king

I seem to have a knack *sticks an arm into a pile of coins*

Of taking everything I want *lifts the coins as they all spill out except one*

And giving nothing back *he flipped the coin up: Knightbrace tried to catch it, until Kroctus whipped him away with his tail*

Everything is mine *raises an envelope with a Smash Bros. icon*

I finally have control *wraps an arm around Butcher*

Why excuse me…

I hope I don’t sound too droll *releases Butcher as the latter eye-rolls*

Now that I have the power

This is my finest hour *marches out of the vault*

Nothing in this realm can stop me now! *the vault sealed as the knob spun and locked: it looked like the Kremling Jolly Roger*

FOOLS, while I watch you cower *stomps and shakes the room, scaring the villains*

THIS is my finest hour

Bait you on my hook

Just like a worm!

K. Rool sat himself on his throne, activating his hologram chamber as Queen Sherry’s image displayed.

Before I crush you like a bug

Come here and give me a hug!

It gives me so much JOY to watch you squiiiirrrrrm!

“MWEH HEH HEH har!”

The story continues in Operation: REVERT.

Chapter Text

I cannot believe King K. Rool was invited to Smash. All they need is Eggman, and Team Gnaa will FINALLY be complete in that series! (Y’know, besides the non-game crossovers.) What better way to honor the King than his own story? Hell, he didn’t even get a short story in the Firstborn Saga! Six years later, I am making up for that!

Crocodile Isle, Mushroom World; 53 years ago

There was a wretched disease that plagued many worlds of the universe. That disease was called diversity. And in a world where there was so much diversity, so many races living together, some races were bound to be better than others, not just in strength, but in power. And my race was near the bottom of the food chain.

Crocodile Isle was a murky, unpleasant island that was away from any trade routes. The villages were half-submerged in the swamps that were our natural habitats. We were the Kremling Klan: humanoid crocodiles that walked and talked like any other species on this planet. We were more intelligent than Piranha Plants, stronger than Goombas… and stronger than Toads.

If Earth had Caucasian humans, then Mushroom had Toads. …And Caucasian humans. The most prosperous towns are run by Toads, and you would be lucky to find one with Goombas or Koopas living amongst them. Why were our races oppressed? I don’t really remember. What I do remember is my first interaction with a Toad. He was some nobleman, rather tall for a Toad, with a white robe and blue spots, yet he was barely a few inches taller than my brothers and I.

We were 10 years old when I fought him. Our neighborhood gang was cheering for me, and it drew the attention of other townsfolk. I ran at the Toad with a headbutt, but one swing from his golden hammer was enough to send me back. “Ya almost had him, Kroctus!” cheered Krusha, a blue, muscular Kremling boy.

“Do a belly bump!” yelled Klump, an obese purple Kremling. Taking his advice, I ran for the nobleman and leapt forth with my golden belly first, and the Toad fell on his back. The krowd cheered me, but the Toad only grew angry.

“That’s it! You’ve tried my patience, brat!” He grabbed a Fire Flower from his pocket and ate it, using his temporary bending to throw fireballs at me. I bounced them back with my gold stomach, but they came too quickly, and they scorched the left side of my face.

As my friends cried my name, we felt the ground shake. The Khief of our island was coming, a very massive Kremling that dwarfed most trees, wearing a horned skull crown and his expression most grim. He was the kind who would make snacks out of Toads like him. Or at least… I wish he was. “Oh, please forgive them, Minister Hay D.!” pled Krumdy Lumsy, his eyes close to tearing. And yes, they were honest tears. “They’re only children. They don’t know anything. Th-That’s why we needed the extra funding for our school.”

“It’s clear to me that these mindless reptiles won’t learn a thing no matter how much funding you have! There’s no reason to waste it in this island. Now, would your offspring please clear a path for me to leave?”

“Y-Yes, Minister. OUT OF THE WAY!” His cowardice tone quickly turned to that of a king, and the Kremlings moved away in fear. No one tried to stop Hay D. on his way off the island.

“I told you not to pick a fight with that man.” said my youngest brother, Klammy Rool as he placed a warm bag over my burning eye. Normally an ice bag was preferred, but as we are a cold-blooded race, it would only make things worse. “Honestly, Kroctus, being the strongest is not all that matters.”

“Better than being a pushover like that fat coward. You hear me, dumbass?! YOU’RE A PUSS!”

“Now, son,” Krumdy began gently, “I know that man was a bit rude, but that was no reason to get rough with him. Otherwise, you prove to be the very thing you despise-”

“Just go back to your kruddy house, Krumdy!” retorted my middle-age brother, Kruckers, who shot rocks at the giant’s snout with his slingshot. “Or better yet, get yer arse out of there and let us take over, aye?!”

“Ho ho hokay. I’ll let you kids go back to your playtime.” Krumdy chuckled before leaving.

It made me sick whenever he talked. Referring to me as “son” when we weren’t related—he calls all the boys “son” for your information—not even bothering to scold us, he was a disgrace to this island.

I won’t get into the details of my childhood. I was a troublemaker, as you can guess, and leader of all the crocs in my klass. We pulled pranks on townspeople and scared away tourists, regardless of their regal status or reason for visiting. Our father was Kold Rool, and he was an abusive arse that was practically glued to his chair. But if I was thankful of him for something, it was toughening us up.

Some people think our attitude is a result of our island’s poor lifestyle, which in itself is a result of the prejudice views of the wealthier races. All I knew is that my characteristics were shared amongst even the adults of my Klan, minus the Khief. I began to think that our violent nature was a part of our biology. And only one year later, our island received another visitor. Another one of very royal status.

“I can’t believe you made us come here, Kamek.” complained a young Koopa with developing horns and a spiked shell. “This place smells like rotten toothpaste!”

“Mind your manners, Prince Bowser.” The blue-robed Magikoopa replied. “We are looking to make ‘friends’ for you, not enemies.”

“Sorry, lady, you missed that chance the second you set foot here!” The Koopas stopped and looked up when I dropped down from the treetops, shaking the ground. “We don’t take too kindly to outsiders. You wanna walk any farther, you have to get through us!”

My Krew jumped out of the swamp and ambushed the Koopa guards. Kamek shot a magic spell at me, but it was blocked by a large rock thrown by Kruckers. I ran and threw a punch at the prince’s jaw, but Bowser endured and threw an uppercut. Our fists flew, we locked arms and wrestled, and his skull was harder than mine, so my headbutts were useless. This Prince of the Koopas was another visitor who I cared little about, and another I planned to force to leave.

That same visitor… would become my lifelong friend.

As you no doubt know, Lord Bowser made a fool out of me. I lie on the ground, beaten and bruised. And his guards had my brothers and friends fallen. “Gwah hah hah! Boy, these lizards were total wimps!”

“Grrr… I’m not a wimp.” I helped himself to my feet. “Let’s go at it again, you dumb turtle!”

“I’ve changed my mind, Prince Bowser.” Kamek stated. “This town is not worth our time. And for the record, I’M A MAN!”

“Hang on a second, Kamek! You said you wanted me to make friends, right? Well, I think I just found one.”

“What do you mean?” I asked with a glare.

“You may-a heard o’ me, but the name’s Bowser, Prince of the Koopa Kingdom. We came here to make this island part of our territory. We’d give you money and food and junk, and in return, you give us soldiers to serve in the Koopa Army.”

“Well, you won’t have a problem doin’ that. Our Khief is such a puss, he’ll let you build factories here if you wanted.”

“Even more of a puss than you?”

“Not even close, dumbass!”

“Gwah hah heh heh…” Bowser smirked and narrowed his red eyes at me. “Ever thought about changing schools, Croc Boy?”

“The name’s Kroctus, Turtledumb. Kroctus Rool. These two are my brothers, Kruckers and Kolamitous.”

“Actually, it’s Klammy.” The latter corrected.

“Hey, I’m trying to scare him!”

“Gwah hah! You still ain’t scaring me with a name like ‘Kroctus Turtledumb.’”

“You bastard!” I threw a punch, but Bowser socked me in the gold belly and knocked me down. “Urgh… what the heck, no one can hit my belly! Your fists should be throbbing by now.”

“Then I guess you aren’t as strong as you thought you were. Heh… I think I’ll like having you in my class.”

What Bowser said was no joke. As soon as Crocodile Isle was marked as part of the Koopa Kingdom, my brothers and I were taken by Bowser to Koopa Kore. We shared in his special private royal class, learning to govern kingdoms, manage trades and operations… most of which I did not care about at the time. In fact, I think Bowser didn’t either. Naturally, Klammy excelled in the studies. What the rest of us enjoyed were the kombat classes—okay, I’ll stop the K’s. Kruckers was a great marksman, Klammy was great at building machines and weapons, and naturally, Bowser and I fought each other every chance we had.

On vacations, I would sail with Bowser around the world, seeing all the diverse countries and races. Prism Island, for example, was a colorful paradise where artistry is honored. All kinds of races lived here, most remarkably the Inkling Tribe. Yet, the dominant race, as you guessed, are Toads. They populated the capital and owned the nicest houses around the island, but when Koopas or Goombas marched on their streets, they would receive scornful looks, and the shops would close.

“Yeah, some of this… may be kinda our fault.” Bowser told me sheepishly. “My kingdom’s kind of infamous for trying to spread our empire to other countries. Kinda like yours, grah har.” Oh, so that was why people hated Koopas. “Still, the only reason these Koopas and Goombas live here is because they didn’t wanna live under our rule. Heheh, I bet they’re regretting that, aren’t they? As far as these Toads care, all of us are the same kinda bad.”

It was the same in Decalburg, on Isle Delfino, and other towns. Whether they were filled with Toads or not, there was scorn for the Koopas and our similar-looking Kremlings. Yet, the more I learned about it, the less I began to care. I only accepted it as part of our biology to think ourselves superior to others. What I really enjoyed was the seafaring.

It was education I never could have attained at my old school, and it costed nary a coin. On some occasions, we sailed home to Crocodile Isle and learned that our old friends were studying combat at our old school. They were much stronger, but not enough to keep up with us. We studied alongside Bowser until we were 19 years old. He wanted us to serve as generals in his Koopa Army. However… I had plans of my own.

During our studies, we read about pirates, a subject which I became deeply fascinated with. One particular legend was that of a pirate named Kaido, who was called a Pirate Emperor and ruled over legions of animal pirates. I wondered… if I could do something like that. There are all manner of animals who possess no sentience and are treated as little more than prey or pets. True, I have a few Klaptraps and enjoy a good meaty meal, but that only proves my point. Even some crocodiles in the universe are of low intelligence, so I cannot help but sympathize. Even so, it was only Mother Nature at work. But perhaps I could take it a step further. Instead of eating the weaker prey, why not bring them to my side? That became my new goal, and my friends decided to join me.

It was no surprise to Bowser when we began our maiden voyage, on one of his prized airships. “HEEEEEY!” bellowed Kamek, who still sounded like an old lady. “Get back here, you rotten kids!”

“Let ’em go, Kamek.” Bowser told him. “This is just a part of graduation.”

Our first ship, the Gangplank Galleon, was redecorated with a golden figurehead of my likeness and flew the colors of a crocodile’s skull and crossbones. This was the beginning of our journey as the Kremling Krew!

And what goes with a pirate crew than a jovial trumpet song played by Kutlass, one of our squat members? (Play “Gangplank Galleon” from Donkey Kong Country!)

There once was a crocodile

Of the sea

OOOOOHHH!

Old K. Kroctus really gonna pound ya

Kruckers will bury you into the ground-da

Klammy will skin ya inside-out-ta

You ain’t never learn ta live like me!

Ooooohhh!

O’er oceans, creepin’ up on trade ships

Kannon, Kutlass, we’re all gonna skewer them

Off with their heads, it won’t take many hits

Sink their souls to the bottom of the ocean

Oh, here comes a happy-go-lucky town

Playing all gaily without a care or a frown

Snotty little Toads playing here all around

AND THEN IT ALL TUMBLES DOWN DOWN DOWN

It sounded like a fun song from far away, but the second that ships would hear it, fear would cloud their hearts. We sunk tons of ships and ravaged towns like Decalburg, Port Prisma, Bubblaine, and Delfino. As we scoured island after island, we amassed more and more unintelligent animals. Surprisingly, I possessed a unique kinship with animals, and teaching them to man ships was a cakewalk for me. We acquired rats, squirrels, fish and frogs, and as we added more ships to our numbers, more Kremlings joined our cause as well.

Oh, and that also included Khief Lumsy’s son, Kullin Lumsy. …I didn’t care for him. I don’t even care that Big Mom’s brat made off with him.

Well, I suppose we didn’t quite have a cause. At this point, I didn’t care about much of anything. I didn’t care about prejudice or oppression or even leading my race to greatness. Well, it was obvious that I was leaving a worse impression for my species. I just had fun being a pirate.

I would relish when Klump, our explosives expert, chucked Orange Grenades and blew our victims to pieces. The Zingers would impale them with their stingers as their bodies swelled, the Kutlass twins would cut them to pieces, and our muscular Krunchas and Krushas and Krumples would beat every feeble Toad to a pulp! Whether my Kremlings used fists or guns or bombs, we were an unbeatable force.

I was astonished at how my Krew was steadily growing. I wanted to see how far I could go. Slowly, the world was fearing us almost as much as Bowser. But then, as I was reaching my 30s, and I had made a sort of kingdom out of my Krew, I encountered my worst enemy. (End song.)

DK Isles: home of the richest Golden Bananas ever grown anywhere on the planet. I wanted them in my treasure hordes, and what was meant to be a simple invasion turned into a war with the island’s inhabitants, led by the Kong Family. I remember my first grand battle with Donkey Kong, and Kruckers’ battle with Diddy Kong, and Klammy’s battle with Dixie Kong. These Kongs were fewer in number, yet they rivaled our Krew to no end, and their animal friends would not submit to my demand. Well, we did manage to win over one of their relatives, Manky Kong.

I was desperate to steal those Golden Bananas and win over their loyalty. Yet, I was not prepared for what happened: the Kongs were tired of fighting with me… so, they gathered ancient relics called Crystal Stars, which possessed the powers of space travel of the highest caliber. They made a wish to those stars to transport their very islands to a whole different planet! They took their main island and their Tiki Island to a place where I could never reach them. Or… so they thought.

Bowser had another friend, and his name was Dr. Ivo Robotnik. He was making a name as a criminal on Mobius, and due to his phenomenal wealth, he ruled his own mechanical kingdom. He told us of a planet called Earth, where his grandfather worked for the worldwide military as a scientist. And through his grandfather, he learned of the two strange islands that had miraculously appeared. With Ivo’s help, I transported my entire Krew to Earth.

With my army of animals against their tiny islands once again, I was determined to end them once and for all: by using my Blast-O-Matic to destroy DK Isles. Unfortunately, the Kongs were aided by the Earth’s military, G.U.N.. An officer of GUN, known as Kameron Drilovsky, seemed to have befriended the Kongs, and led the charge in foiling my operations. He destroyed my Blast-O-Matic and confronted me in my throne room.

He was muscular, but compared to my unbendable physique, I thought I would have the upper hand. But Kameron possessed a martial art known as Haki, which was strong enough to punch through my golden belly. When it first made contact, my stomach compressed and I hacked, giving him the chance to punch me in the jaw. I would not fall that easy, and so our fists exchanged! Even when his iron knuckles made contact with my unenhanced knuckles, and I felt pain course through them, it seemed that he was being weakened by my persistence, his durability falling. Eventually, our hands locked, and I bit him in the neck. As he yelled in pain, I headbutted him, and he was on his back.

I pinned the weakened man down with my foot. “I must confess, Kameron… you are a rare breed of a man. Very rarely do I fight a man of your caliber. Until now, only Bowser could provide such a challenge. A man like you… would be great at my side.”

“Heff… it’s freaks like you that GUN hates more than anything. The kind of inhuman monsters that ruin our world. I would hate for my family… to grow up in a world controlled by you!”

“Mweh heh har… monsters like me? I wonder if you have a right to say that? My acquaintance told me a little about this planet’s history. Not only do you humans slaughter animals for sustenance, but you once segregated your own kind. You fight wars with each other, destroy each other, for one petty reason or another!”

“And who the hell are YOU to say that?!” Kameron shouted as he struggled to escape from me. “Are you some twisted idealist trying to destroy a whole island just to get his backwards message across?!”

“No, that’s not what I am at all. I’m not trying to say who is right or wrong. I am simply saying that our will to hate and kill are simply part of our biology! Racism, predator and prey, it’s something we all have, in some way, shape, or form. That is a curse we must live with in this diverse universe! To accuse one person of being a monster… is mere HYPOCRISY!” And with one last punch full of rage, his neck cracked, and blood spurted from his mouth. “…Well, that’s a shame.”

I would have eaten him… but I held respect for this man. So, I tossed him out of my mobile fortress and let his soldiers and family hold a proper funeral for him. Alas, the military would not let me be in peace, and so I had to flee, returning to Planet Mushroom. I had not seen the Kong Family for about 10 years. It was my greatest failure, humiliating to have been chased away. But at least I was still feared on my homeworld.

In the meantime, Bowser had been trying to marry the Princess of Mushroom Kingdom, only to be utterly beaten by a surprisingly strong Mustachio plumber. It was humorous to me. “I know what the problem is, Bowser: it’s because you have red eyes!” I laughed. “You remember that old legend, don’t you? People with red eyes are cursed with bad luck.”

“Oh, really? Well, no wonder you didn’t beat those apes! Your eye is still red from when it was burned by that Toad.”

“I still have much more luck than you!”

Still, I could not get the Kongs out of my mind. I began to wonder… why did they take that second island with them? So, I did research… and learned something amazing: that “Tiki Island” contained an ancient power that could unify all Animalia. It was the Leptys. I suddenly had an urge to go back there. I sought to know if such a powerful entity could truly control that which dominated the universe.

Yet, I could not casually return without a plan, but I had no reason to ask Bowser or Robotnik to help with my quest. But as fate would have it… my Krew and my resources were desired by a being of terrific power: Negatar Gnaa.

What a terrific time that was: the Firstborn Quest. The Negatar promised to deliver me the daughter of Kameron Drilovsky as a welcoming gift, but the agents that were sent to retrieve her, Nolan York and Danika Anderson, utterly failed. Still, I joined Team Gnaa, simply to have the chance to fight with this Kami Drilovsky, and to be able to harness the powers of the Leptys. It was fun, working alongside Bowser, Robotnik, and even the great Ganondorf, and making fools out of those Kids Next Door! It… didn’t end well.

Ava kept her swords in the ground and held on as the powerful gust from Kruckers’ blunderbuss was pulling her away, but she saved herself by tossing her left sword back, getting stuck in the vacuum. The sucking stopped as a result, and Kruckers flicked the switch on-and-off to get it to work. The sword shot out, but to his dismay, the rocket activated and went out of control, zooming the Kaptain all around the stadium until he finally flew straight out of the airship. He zoomed around the Flying King Krock until crashing on the roof, dropping his gun and rolling over the side of the ship. He ended up caught in the ship’s side propeller, desperately trying to crawl away for dear life as the massive fan was quickly sucking him in. He glanced back and watched in total horror as his jacket was already caught up in the blades, screaming, “ARRRRR!!” before he himself was sucked in.

Tiki Tong absorbed the hearts’ energies and transferred it into the Animal King that I had become. “Yes! Now, the added powers of TWO aliens!” Kami nervously waited for what transformation I would go through next. “W-What? What’s happening?” We both noticed my chest was beginning to pump larger and larger. “NOOOOOO!” To Kami’s utter shock, my chest exploded like a pimple, and a humongous beating heart popped out and landed merely inches from her, looking totally grossed at the severed organ. She then looked up at me, my shocked expression totally frozen, yet lifeless. Without anything to give me breath, my body fell dead to the ground.

Now an only child, Baron Kolamitous Rool returned to Hideout Helm, bowing his head to the empty throne. “Kroctus… Kruckers… oh, what am I to do now?” He wept. “I know I’ve always been the most intelligent brother, but I can’t manage this Krew all by myself. What is an old Krock to do?”

“Don’t get your false tears on my throne.” Klammy flinched at this authoritive voice and whipped around.

“K-K-K…Kroctus!” Indeed, his elder brother was in the flesh. “You’re alive! B-But that’s impossible!”

“I was banished to the Sanzu River… but Ganondorf used his newfound power to revive me. Eggman also. It seems, in spite of his arrogance, he has a soft spot for us. Mweh heh… hoff.”

“What about Bowser? Or Kruckers?”

“Bowser was never truly dead. He was simply lost between dimensions. As expected of him. And Kruckers… it seems he remains in the Underworld.”

Klammy sighed. “Kroctus, perhaps this is a sign that our days of pirating should come to an end. Kruckers, Army Dillo, Dogadon, they’ve all sunken to Davy Jones’ Locker. Perhaps we should return to our homeland and… try to put this all behind us.”

“Yes, that would be the easiest route. Unfortunately… I have no intention of falling to the bottom of the food chain again. My instincts tell me that the Kids Next Door will only grow stronger from here on. The universe will not be the same after an event like that. In time, this will be a race to see who conquers all. And I refuse to slow down.”

“But what can we possibly do now?”

“Simple. We continue to grow as well. We will try to keep our distance from the KND as we amass more members into our Krew. And one day, we will make our return. …Still, I can’t believe you survived getting electrocuted and falling out of a crashing ship! You’re stronger than I thought, Klammy!” I punched him in the shoulder in my usual brotherly fashion.

After that, we scoured the worlds in search of more strong animals to join us. We visited Mushroom’s North Pole and encountered the Snowmad Tribe, a band of sentient Arctic animals led by Lord Fredrik the Waldough. The walrus was as large as me, and as I fought him for his loyalty, I grew to realize his terrific strength. My arms hurt as our fists made contact, and I feared I would fall before the Snowmad spectators. But then, something strange happened: as our battle neared its end, the Snowmads were beginning to bow, one by one, overcome by an invisible aura. Fredrik felt this aura, too, and it caused him to dwindle in battle. Against all possibilities… Lord Fredrik was defeated.

“Huff… I concede.” The Snowmad King bowed. “I acknowledge you as our Conqueror. Even in this frozen tundra, where your reptilian blood was against you, you have prevailed. The Snowmad Tribe is now yours to Kommand.”

Later, I sailed to Dinosaur Planet Sauria to recruit the dreaded Sharpclaw Pirates. I fought with their mighty leader, General Scales, and the fight ended with several cuts in my scales. The pain was unbearable to me, but not enough to make me grovel. When my doctors healed my wounds, my brother told me something unfortunate.

“Kroctus, according to what Dr. Eggman has told me, any mortal that gets revived from death in any way will suffer not only a shorter lifespan, but they will suffer double pain. This is what he has been experiencing himself. At the moment, he is trying to negate this factor by converting his body into that of a robot’s. I suppose we could do the same with you.”

“I plan to prevail with my own strength. This negative side-effect may hinder my progress… but it will not stop me!”

I remembered the art Kameron used to fight me: Haki. I spent a year training and was able to master Armament Haki. Then, I faced Scales again, and I defeated him. The Kremling Krew now had dinosaurs among its ranks.

“Rah… with your guidance, the Sharpclaw Tribe will conquer all.” Scales bowed, speaking in his native tongue, his legions mimicking him. “We follow you to the end… Your Excellency.”

In my research into Haki, I learned that some were born with a special form called Conqueror’s Haki, where one’s aura was so strong that it could make others fall before you. I realized… that this power was what commanded the animals to follow me, and listen to me. I was the Konqueror of Animalia, Leptys or no Leptys.

Mweh heh har! Even Kami ended up joining my Krew, due to an unfortunate incident regarding her daughter! How nice that we could still remain good friends. Sadly, Kami no longer made for a strong opponent, so sparring was pretty one-sided. As years passed, my Krew grew and my strength grew. Ten years after the Firstborn Quest, the pirate culture labeled me as an Emperor.

In the ever-growing threat of the Four Emperors, today we would like to shed light on one in particular: King Kroctus Rool. Aside from owning 2,054 known territories across various planets, K. Rool is reported to be a close friend of the notorious King Bowser Koopa of Mushroom, the diabolical Dr. Eggman of Mobius, on top of being allies with the Brotherhood of Evil and the Dark Lord, Negatar Gnaa! With the number of resources at his disposal, could K. Rool be the worst of the current Four Emperors?! He may only be rivaled by Lord Mandy, who has shown to be close allies with Earth’s Kids Next Door, which may speak volumes of her power and forces in and of itself. More on that later.

What a shame that I took so much longer than Mandy to achieve that title. I’m sure her fearbending played a part in the media’s decision.

Still, my handicap of a shorter lifespan proved to be a pain. I wished for a way to negate that weakness. I did not wish to become a machine like Eggman, however. And it seems my wish… was granted.

Planet Mobius; two years ago

A small region was ruled by a tribe of short, orange, round creatures with eyes and stubs. These were the Waddle Dees. They carried huge tarps of food, marching in lines up to the stone fortress modeled after His Majesty, the Penguin King.

King Dedede was beaming as he gobbled up a watermelon and grapes, merely a tiny fraction of his grand pile. “Mmm mmm, this is dededelicious! After floatin’ through space for 21 years, there’s never enough to fill yo’ belly. Ain’t that right, Escargoon? …Escargoon?” He looked at an empty snail shell. “Oh, right. You got cooked entering the atmosphere and I ate ya. Well, ya sure won’t be forgotten, eh heh heh heh!” He patted his pudgy belly.

“Aaaahhh!” Dedede frowned when his Waddle Dees began screaming and fleeing. The room shook as a large figure stomped into the cave fort: it was an even more obese, green penguin with a red cape and gold crown.

“Huh? Who the hell are you interruptin’ mah eatin’ time? Puff up and fly away, you wannabe penguin.”

“…” Before his eyes, the penguin’s beak grew longer and flatter, and he increased in size as his feathers became scales. “Perhaps this form is less offensive.”

“Wait a second, you just some sorta croc thang. You think you can steal MY throne, impostor? Well, you don’t know who you’re messing with. Have a helpin’ of this!” Dedede slapped on his iron mask and drew out a giant metal hammer. “MASKED DEDEDE HAMMER!” He charged at King K. Rool with full, mighty power!

Kroctus pulled his fist back, and its scales turned to solid gold before hitting Dedede’s stomach at the speed of a bullet.

It was a very brief second for old Dedede. His insides were compressed, his spleen and kidneys popped, his bones shattered, and… truthfully, no one could confirm what had happened because Dedede went rocketing to the sky. But he was dead before he could reach the clouds.

K. Rool’s fist reverted to normal green color. “As if… a waste of space like you had a throne worth stealing.” He marched outside and observed the lush landscape. “Ah…peace and seclusion. Now, let’s set up shop here.”

Current time; Bowser’s Castle

The Kremling King lifted a giant bottle of hot water and tipped it against his mouth, which was much smaller in comparison. He put the bottle down and sighed. “Reminiscing about the past really takes my breath away.”

“Tell me about it.” Bowser remarked, picking up a same-sized bottle with just his hand and drinking it. The Koopa King was three times K. Rool’s size. “Hell, there’s a real problem with people getting resurrected lately. Well, I guess it helped you out, but still.”

“Speaking of which… that old hag is going to have a birthday party. No doubt she will eat her infamous cake. But as luck would have it, a few Brotherhood agents happen to be related to her. With their assistance, we can possibly steal the cake.”

“You know, if the two of us break into her castle together, we can make a pound cake outta her.”

“A kind sentiment, but there’s no need for you to get involved in our silly pirate games. At least… not yet.” K. Rool pushed himself off the carpet. “But you know, Bowser, whenever I think about the ancient laws from my childhood, I start to miss the old days. When you look at groups such as the Kids Next Door or the Big Mom Pirates nowadays, it’s almost as if discrimination never existed.”

“What’s it to you, anyway?”

K. Rool about-faced, crossing the carpet out of the massive throne room. “I’ve been born again, Bowser. Perhaps the same fate should befall these worlds. I sought the Universe Book so I could carry out such a plan, but that quest ended in failure. But it seems I have found another solution.”

Zordoom Prison

Alarms blared throughout the space prison as alien guards, one by one, were falling in the burning corridors. Their strength was nothing to that of the white-garbed invaders in black hoods and skull masks. “STOP THEM!” bellowed one of the guards. “They’re escaping with Rattlesnake Ja-” He was shot before he could finish.

A squadron of these masked criminals were racing up the plank of a floating pirate ship, flying the colors of a red tiger’s profile with three scratch marks cutting through it. A large snake, clothed in black and white stripes, slithered up the plank, onto the desk after the pirates. “Raise the anchor, make ready to set sail! They’ll be after us any moment!” ordered a crewman.

The snake slithered into the captain’s cabin, beginning to tear off his stripes with his fangs. “So, you’re the legendary Rattlesnake Jake.” He looked up at his client: a man in black clothing, fiery red hair, and bull horns, his eyes shrouded by another skull mask.

Jake hissed and raised his head over the humanoid imposingly. “And who might YOU be to disturb my five years of ssssolitude?”

“The name’s Adam. Adam Taurus. Vice-captain of the White Fang Pirates. My captain sent me to free you for a special assignment. So, congratulations… you work for the Kremling Krew now.” Adam smiled.

“The Kremlingssss? Hah hah hah!” Jake began to circle the young man. “Tell yer captain thisss, buddy: I’m no one’s pet snake. I’m a hunter. Sniiiiiff.” He got directly in Adam’s face with a big whiff, almost completely enveloping him in his tail. “You smell like one of them Mobian-human hybrids.”

“I think you mean Faunus.”

“Right… So, boy, if you don’t wanna end up on my fangs, I’d suggest you steer this ship to Sargasso and let me take it from there. Oh, I wonder what Wolf has been up to these days? Ah wonder if he’s still alive.” He looked up in a daydreaming fashion. “And speakin’ of old friends, I wouldn’t mind seein’…?” When he looked down, he realized Adam had vanished from his tail. Jake gasped and looked behind him, seeing Adam holding a red sword.

Adam sheathed the sword and said, “Don’t touch me.”

“AAAH!” Jake’s machinegun tail had been sliced off! “You little demon! I’ll eat you and everyone on this ship!”

“A ‘thank you’ would have been nice. That tail was old and starting to rust. Not to mention, it seems the guards placed a bomb inside it in case you got too far from the station. We can easily fix you a new tail. But you have to promise to work for us. Our king only had a small job in mind, but depending on what happens, we may require your assistance for other matters.”

“Ssssss… Now that I recall, the Kremlings work for one of them big name pirates. K. Rool, weren’t it? He’s got a bounty of 103 billion on his body. What makes ya think I won’t try to claim that?”

“Heh. Well, carve this in your mind: King K. Rool possesses Golden Haki. The highest known form of Armament Haki. Still thinking of claiming him?”

“Gold Haki? Sounds like a load of nonsense. But it also sounds… quite interestin’.”

“Help us with our job, and we’ll allow you to meet the king.” Adam said with a smirk. “Sound good?”

“Hisssss… Who do you want me to hunt?”

Adam reached in his jacket and pulled out a picture. “We’re told her name is Eri.” Jake examined her: she was a frightened young girl with white hair, red eyes, and a small forehead horn. “She’s from Superbia.”

“This one don’t look nearly as strong as the last little brat I kidnapped. What’s she hidin’ under that sweet little face of hers?”

“It’s not her we’re worried about, it’s her protectors. The planet is filled with justice-obsessed superheroes.”

“No matter. Just fix me with the goods and I’ll have her wrangled on a silver platter.”

The White Fang threw his old tail off the High Fang before the ship took flight to the stars. Police ships tried to shoot them down, but the Mogeko Kremlin fired mortars and destroyed them. “Those stupid idiots fell for the old ‘pretend to get captured’ trick.” said Moge-ko Leijon. “Don’t they realize that good villains never get defeated that easy? Oooo, my Kitty Rool is gonna be so proud of me for helping free the Jakey!” She hugged herself tightly. “Maybe he’ll let me sleep on his belly and pet me, instead of that stupid smelly Klaptrap. …Or that blonde lady. Wasn’t she on a mission with Fredrik? How did that even go?”

Somewhere on Secco; about a week beforehand

“Hrrrrrguh! Hrrrrrguh!” The sun was pounding Kami Heartly, her clothes becoming one with her sweaty body as she hauled the oversized lug across the sand.

“Huff…huff… Kamiiiiiii.” Lord Fredrik moaned horridly, his body practically melting. “It’s so hoooooot. Are we there, yeeeeeet?”

“Grrrrrr… didn’t you just freeze an entire desert?!”

“I used it before we entered the desert… if I went in first, I would’ve started melting… like I am right now. Ohhhhh… I can’t moooove…”

The way he was acting was just like a Devil Fruit user in water. This was natural, given his arctic origins, Kami figured. Still, why did Kami let that nun go free if she was just going to drop them on a desert planet?! “Ugh… I swear, Noah, you better not have gotten lost again.”

Loading transmission…

I think some people get the impression that K. Rool is just a bumbling fool, but I choose to look at him in a more intelligent light with a unique philosophy. After all, I’m the same writer that turned the forgettable Mr. Dark into a complex, emotional character. Another fun fact, General Scales (who we first met in Sector LN) actually made a cameo in Operation: GALACSIA, when his Sharpclaws escaped from prison in that brief gag. …Yeah, there’s gonna be quite a bit of nostalgia in this story. And the White Fang are from RWBY. Also, I think any Gameverse fan should know where Jake is from.

Chapter Text

I have to warn you, I might not update as often. Yeah, it’s one of those times again.

Planet Hyrule

Only darkness lay before Cheren’s vision, yet the further he progressed into it, the more his heart raced, fearing what dangers remain blinded to him. “AAAH—OW—DAHG—DAMMIT!” He crashed against an unseen rock and went tumbling down the hill, leaving his body with several scratches and dirt.

“Get up and try again!” Bisky called from atop the steeping mountain. “Leave the blindfold on!”

In fact, the day was bright and sunny, but it made no difference to Cheren with the thickness of his blindfold. He had been Shield Surfing down the same grassy slope for the past 8 hours, struggling to memorize the placement of each rock and obstacle.

As Bisky enjoyed another cup of tea, she heard the arrival of a ship. She then sensed two people rushing up to her. “Hi, Bisky!” Gon greeted. “I brought Panini, she had something she wanted to tell Cheren.”

“Run it by me first.”

“One of our sectors was captured by the Big Mom Pirates!” Panini shouted in fury. “Sector IC’s town is in shambles! We need Cheren to help us discuss a plan-”

“NO.” Bisky cut her off firmly. “If Cheren’s mind is cluttered with other matters, he’ll never master Observation Haki. You don’t want your Supreme Leader to resign, do you?”

“THAT’S A LOAD OF BULLSHIT!” Panini’s body ignited with green flames. “Cheren has every right to know what happens to his sectors, and their safety takes priority over your dumb training! Not to mention the fact that MaKayla and Miyuki are two of his girlfri—I mean, close friends!”

“Come on, Bisky, isn’t this a little too cruel?” Gon asked.

“As soon as Cheren knows about this,” the teacher replied, “he’ll want to rush headfirst into the Big Mom Pirates. It might work if he still had his Demon State, but otherwise he would just get killed, and he’ll get his friends killed.”

“…Wait a minute…” Panini’s finger twitched as she pointed at her, eyes fuming. “Your name is Biscuit… It’s a food name. THAT’S why you’re torturing Cheren! Because YOU’RE with the BIG MOM PIRATES!”

“No.” she said calmly. “I admit, I was worried about that fact, so I had my blood tested, and nothing about it was unnatural. According to the recent KND data files, members of Big Mom’s family have candy in their DNA, correct?”

“W-Well… that is what Sector IC reported to us… but Ay’m surprised you would know that.”

“Well, I do, because I keep up to date. I’m not affiliated with the pirates or any organization besides the Hyrule KND. All I want to do is train Cheren, and my instincts tell me that this will be the most effective way of saving your friends. So, if you don’t want him to get killed due to a clear disadvantage, you’ll let him train in peace.”

“. . . . .” As Panini turned toward the Sheikah Tech ship, she formed a devilish smile. “Well, there is a bright side to this: as soon as Cheren finds out what happened, and you wouldn’t let me tell him… he’ll cut yer head off. …And Ay’m gonna mount it on me wall.” On that, she made her return to Earth.

Bisky had another sip of tea. “I’ve dealt with worse.”

Earth; Atlantic Ocean

The salty air was cool and crisp as the sun highlighted the fluffy white clouds. As the Gangplank Galleon sailed this open sea, nary an island in sight, King K. Rool took a hefty drink of melon-grape juice. “Ahhh… I never did enjoy space travel. It’s so boring… so dull and lifeless. What I wouldn’t give to go back to the traditional ways of pirating. Naught but salty seas, fresh with luscious fish, braving the evils of nature. Don’t you agree… Kamilla?”

His human subordinate was hunched over the railing, head propped on her hand as she gazed at the horizon. Kami paid no mind to her captain.

She felt Kroctus stomp toward her. “I can smell your aura, Kami… and it is fragrant with despair. The despair that results from the fact that all your dreams have come crumbling down. You thought you had your entire future planned out from childhood. You were going to marry a handsome man who did everything you asked. You were going to have a pure-hearted daughter who was good-mannered and great at everything. And you thought you were going to have it all, because you were such a good person who followed the rules and believed in justice. Why, you even vowed that you would never work with a Krackpot like me… and you were wrong.”

Kami drew her Keyblade and whacked K. Rool’s belly with all the rage pent up in her heart, which sadly was not enough to make the king budge. “Quit acting like you know a damn thing about me. I’ll spend the rest of my life looking for a cure for my daughter, no matter how long I have to work with you. But as soon as Kimaya is back to normal… I’m taking her home, and we’re never associating with you or the Kids Next Door ever again. No more prophecies, no more damn quests, no more ANYTHING.” And she threw the Keyblade into the ocean before hunching over the rail again. The weapon simply respawned on her keychain.

“Chief, we have the ship completely surrounded. Preparing to unleash all fire on the Emperor.” Sixteen GUN ships were closing in on the Galleon.

“Kami… I am only trying to be your friend.” K. Rool said as cannonballs whooshed across the air. “That’s why I am helping you acknowledge your flaws.” He raised his claw above the woman, hardening it with Gold Haki. “You were too naïve… and so, you let your guard down.”

A millisecond before the cannonball could strike K. Rool through Kami, the king BASHED it away with his golden claw, and it crashed into one of the GUN ships. Still, hundreds more were coming. Kroctus punched away two more, and used his tail to whip away another. He made a great leap, flipping as he punched and tail-whipped two balls away. He caught two balls upon descending and threw them at ships, then he leapt onto the railing, his feet on either side of Kami, as his belly withstood a volley of direct cannonballs.

With one strong belly bump, he bounced another ball, and it perfectly ricocheted off another, then another, another, one more, and CRASHED into a ship. Another flurry of balls came, and K. Rool was swift to counter: he uppercut one to send it to a different ship, side-punched one, diagonal-punched one, then leapt and tail-whipped one. Afterwards, he caught four cannonballs in his arms at different angles. He set them down in order to punch five more cannonballs away simply.

There was only one ship remaining, so K. Rool threw the four saved cannonballs in the air, in a way that they would position horizontally, and then leapt to send all four toward the ship in one punch, sinking it to the depths. “Haaaah… those were quite strong.” The king sighed, flexing his arms. The sinking ship scored one final shot, but he casually punched it away. “Why didn’t you ever learn Haki, Kami? You would’ve been perfect at it.”

“Because I wanted to put this old life behind me. Children shouldn’t be exposed to such trouble… no matter how old they are. I half-expected Kimaya to join the Kids Next Door… but I never expected her to be chosen for some prophecy. What really irritates me is the KND seem to have no interest in saving her!”

“Mrs. Heartly,” Cheren began, “I’m sorry about what happened to Kimaya, really… but I can’t just ask Death the Kid to fix her, we already vowed not to rely on his aid, anymore. We can at least be thankful that she’s able to be undead thanks to Django’s curse.”

“My daughter helped you in YOUR quest,” Kami bellowed, “and she DIED trying to help YOU! Screw this undead bullcrap, you need to find a way to FIX her! And even if you can’t, you should at least bring her back to me so I can ground her for running away!”

“Look, I’ll pass the message onto Kid, but… honestly, I really don’t know what we could do. It’s not like Danny or my parents are coming back…” Cheren replied tonelessly. “Even if Kimaya is undead… that’s really the same thing.”

“They’re unreliable, all of them. Well, one of us has to be responsible, so it might as well be her mother. Now, could we stop talking and just focus on the mission? You give me a headache.”

“I’m sure it was the fact that cannonballs almost pummeled you. But very well… Manky should be finished at that island by now.”

Rainbow Monkey Island

Drums roared across the island as the sun rose to greet the colorful island! As the sky was painted with a gradient of colors, the Rainbow Monkeys danced upon the mountaintops, as if trying to raise the sun to the sky. The drums picked up the beat as the monkeys danced in alignment, eventually forming circles around a stage. Those playing the drums were human girls and boys in grass skirts and monkey masks. They were part of the Rainbow Monkey Cult, honoring the apes they loved so much.

A platform rose from below the stage, and upon it danced a pink monkey girl with blonde hair, wearing a purple top and green shorts. She played a DJ and rapped along with the drums. “Time to wake up, Getchor butt up! Swing your arms around the air.” The monkeys whirled their arms with beaming expressions. “Let’s raise up the sky, time to get high… No, not THAT KIND of high!”

“Put that down right now-now!” A female monkey smacked a weed away from a male monkey.

“Let’s hail the King with that hippie bling! Don’t forget to shake a dingaling.”

“This wasn’t part of the song before, was it?” a human boy asked in disgust.

“It’s been long, but we’re singing our song! The return of Rainbow Kong!”

Among the humans were a peculiar four, two girls and two boys. “I wonder if Rainbow Monkey Kong is really coming back!” said Sally Harper, dancing during the instrumental part of the drums. “Where do you think he’s been all this time?”

“Who cares, it’s none of our business.” Anthony stated, the Sector W leader dancing as well. “Just stick to the mission.”

Just one day beforehand, Sector W was gathered at their TV as Francis Drilovsky’s image displayed. “You might not remember this, but when that Seven Lights Quest was happening three years ago, Emily Garley was on a mission to recover the treehouses from some rogue monkeys, led by a psychic ape called Specter. She managed to capture them all, and they were all imprisoned at Adams Tech… but it seems that one of them finally turned up.”

The screen showed a picture of a blonde monkey in a helmet with a police car light. “This is Pink Monkey. She was one of Specter’s officers. Some operatives were doing a scouting mission on Rainbow Monkey Island and reported seeing her. According to our records, apparently Emily never found or captured her; however, Sector V fought with her briefly on their Symphonia mission.”

“And you want us to go and stop her?” Sally asked.

“Why can’t you just send Emily?” Anthony asked.

“Well, they only allow children under 13 onto the island, and you’re the only Top Sector that’s still young. To be honest, I don’t really see Pink Monkey as much of a threat, but I want you to approach her cautiously. Who knows, she might be trying to continue Specter’s work.”

“Don’t worry, France!” Sally cheered, obviously excited to visit her favorite island. “We’ll save those Rainbow Monkeys!”

The drumming continued as the cult sung a fast chant. “Rainbow Monkeys, red orange yellow, Spreading love everywhere they go-go, Better not cry ’cause that’s a no-no, Come be part of the great big rainbow!”

The earth shook as everyone gazed in the direction of the monkey-headed mountaintop: the shadow of a gigantic ape began to rise against the sun. “OOO-EEEEEHHHH!” His call rumbled the air and the pounding of his chest rivaled the noise of the drum.

“He’s HERE, he’s HERE!” Pink Monkey cheered, not knowing that Anthony and Harvey were sneaking up behind her. “Hail our King, Rainbow Monkey—KAAAH!” Anthony stomped and sunk all three into a hole, quickly closing it with earthbending.

“Perfect.” Aranea smiled. “I guess while they bring her to Adams Tech, we might as well say ‘hi’ to Monkey Kong, right?”

“I don’t see why not.” Sally shrugged.

Anthony brought them to a cave underneath the stage. “What the heck?! Let me GO—!” Pink Monkey was unable to struggle long before Harvey placed his hands on the sides of her head, using emotionbending to make her cry. “Sniffle sniffle… where’s my Specter?” she bawled. “S-S-Specter… you said we would be together… Spe-ec-te-er!” The boys almost felt bad for the ape.

“There there, it’s gonna be okay.” Harvey smiled, tying Pink up with his yo-yos. “As soon as we get that helmet off you, you won’t remember a thing.”

“W-Won’t remember…won’t remember…” Pink only seemed to cry more as they carried her away.

Aboveground, it seemed that no one noticed Pink’s vanishing, with all attention focused on Rainbow Monkey Kong. However, one being did notice, and that was Kong himself. “OOOEEEEEHHHH!” With a blood-hurdling bellow, the violet ape came storming down the mountain.

“Here he comes!” cheered the lead girl of the Monkey Cult. “O Rainbow Monkey Kong, we are honored to be in your—”

The furious ape SWAT the humans away with his long and massive arm, and the Rainbow Monkeys scattered as he stomped up to Sally and Aranea. He snarled at the girls through his sharp, venomous teeth, filling their hearts with fear. “…He looks different from what I remember.” Sally commented, frozen.

“Yeah… I didn’t think he would be an orangutan.” Aranea replied.

Anthony and Harvey reemerged next to Fybi’s motion-controlled Angel Wing, throwing the captive monkey into the cloud-cushioned backseat. “Will Sally and Nea not be basking in the completion of this mission?” Fybi asked, taking flight once the boys were onboard.

“Nah, let the girls play with their creepy apes.” Anthony remarked, kicking back in his seat. “’Can’t believe these things haven’t gone extinct, yet.”

“Ay, if only I shared in the admiration of fair lovely creatures.” Fybi replied. “Yet, I will admire the view of Emily’s frustration upon her realization that she failed to capture all the apes—” Little did she know of the flying projectile locked dead on her. “AAAAHH!”

“WHOOOAAA!” Fybi was knocked dizzy, spinning toward the ground, and this caused the Angel Wing’s passengers to have a very uncomfy flight. Fybi was able to regain composure, but she gasped at realizing what struck her. “NEA!” She dove down at full speed to catch her falling cousin, the ship following with equal speed. Fybi landed gently on the island, her cousin bleeding from the head. “Aranea! Prithee, what hast happened?!”

“Nnn… S-Sally…”

“GUYS, WATCH OUT!” came Sally’s cry in the distance.

Fybi dodged the barrel projectile with the beat of her heart, taking flight with Nea still in her arms. The boys climbed out of the ship, preparing their selves as Rainbow Monkey Kong was charging through the jungle, leaving a trail of toppled trees. Before long, the orangutan king presented himself before the youngest sector, clutching Sally in his left hand.

“Hey.” Monkey Kong began in a strict, calm tone. “Did you kids take my singer?”

Sector W were struck silent. Did this monkey just… speak?

“Hey, I asked you a question. You kids DO speak my language, right?”

“Uncle Manky!” Pink Monkey cried, propping herself up in her cloud seat. “These kids took me and made me think about Specter!”

“Uncle… Manky?” Harvey repeated, curious.

“Oh, so you do speak my language.” He narrowed his eyes a tad. “Then maybe this can go more smoothly. Untie my subordinate, please.”

“H-Hold on!” Anthony stated. “Who the heck are you?!”

“Maybe I’m not speaking well enough. Look, I’ll sound it out for you.” The ape pointed at his mouth, leaning his head closer as his words flowed smoothly through his teeth. “Man. Ky. Kong. Main-kee Kong. Manky Kong. That’s my name.”

“N-Not… Rainbow Monkey Kong?” Sally asked.

“Not quite. The real Rainbow Kong died 23 years ago. His remains were converted into the Ape-Ape Fruit, Rainbow Model. You know about Devil Fruits, right? Do I have to explain?”

“Uh… n-no?”

“Good. There, I answered your question. Now, release my subordinate.”

“No way!” Anthony shouted. “We were sent here to catch her, she’s a villain!”

Manky shook his head in disbelief. “Then I guess I’ll keep this girl with me. That’s fair, right?” He returned to the jungle.

“NO!” Aranea shouted, grunting due to the wound in her head. “Guys, just…just let the monkey go.”

Harvey grit his teeth. “You better let Sally go or we’ll kick your butt.” With this warning, he lifted Pink out of the ship and untied her string.

The flustered monkey rushed over and climbed up Manky’s body, resting on his head. There was a tense air as Manky stared at his captive. The others were prepared to fight the ape in case of treachery… The question is, when was the best time to strike?

Still holding Sally, Manky reached his other hand and picked up the Angel Wing like a toy. “PLACE THAT DOWN!” Fybi ordered, drawing her B.O.W..

“This seems like a KND aircraft.” Manky observed. “So does that.” He looked at the B.O.W.. “You know, back where I’m from, me and Funky were the only ones who cared about weapons.” He casually tossed the ship away as pieces broke off. “But our shabby creations were nothing compared to what the Kremling Krew wrought upon our land. And even their technology at the time was miniscule… compared to what you humans have created. I quite envied the kind of power this world possessed. To put it simply… I wan’na be like you.”

Manky Kong began dancing as Pink Monkey played a flute. A familiar tune rang throughout the air as more Rainbow Monkeys danced out of the jungle. “I’m the King of the Swingers, yo, the jungle VIP. I reached the top, and had to stop, and that’s what’s botherin’ me.” He faced Sally with a baffled expression. He resumed swinging her around and sang, “I wanna be like the Marines, and stroll right into town… and blow things up to smithereens, I’m tired of monkeying around. OH!”

The Rainbow Monkeys drew guns, and Anthony brought up an Earth Wall to block their bullets. “Oo-be-doo! I wan’na be like you-oo-ou.” Fybi began shooting the monkeys unconscious. “I wan’na shoot like you, fight like you, too-oo-oo.” Manky seemed to use Sally as a microphone. She feared that he would snap her head off in those colossal teeth. “You see, it’s true-u-ue!” Anthony flung a boulder at his face. “Somebody like me-ee-ee!” Manky smacked it away with a Haki arm. “Can be violet and violent, too-oo-oo!”

Anthony propelled himself to the air with an Earth Arm, bringing it down as Manky countered it with a Haki punch. “You might think it’s insane, that a giant orangutan…” The stone arm shattered as Anthony fell, “would ever wan’na grab a gun and gonna shoot guys, too.” Manky picked up a gun in his fingers, casually tossing it like a twig. “But now that I’m a big old brute, all thanks to my Devil Fruit, the only sword I can afford is these fists to please My Lord.”

Anthony stomped rock jabs up from every direction around Manky, the orangutan enduring the hits and punching them off. Fybi shot light arrows at the arm holding Sally, but Manky easily swung the arm around to evade them. Pink Monkey fired a Song Beam at Fybi, her ears ringing as Manky smacked her out of the sky. Grinning giddily, he kept dancing to the beat—until the music seemed to get an extra instrument that ruined the rhythm. Manky looked down at a rock, seeing a lemur playing a banjo. The giant reached over and crushed the banjo between his fingers.

Manky’s face was pelted by more boulders, but he was quick to defend himself by swatting some away, then he grabbed a boulder and threw it down at Anthony, who quickly shattered it. “Huh?” Manky heard another tune and noticed the same lemur was playing a xylophone. With an annoyed expression, Manky smashed the instrument.

Afterwards, the lemur got an ocarina and started playing, “Doo-doo-doo-doo-doot! Doo-doot! Doo doot doot doo-doo!”

“Mmmf!” A powerful gust of wind pressed onto Manky’s face. Fybi willed the wind to heat up, causing him to suffocate. He tried to hold Sally in front of him, but his left arm was bound by a stone chain, Anthony struggling to pull it to the ground. But what really annoyed Manky was that ocarina. So, he reached his right hand to grab the lemur and throw him into Fybi, stopping the Heat Gust and imbuing his fist with Haki to break the stone chain.

The music reached a more upbeat part, so Manky began singing, “Chewbacca Chewbacca, Chewbaccada-bacca! Chewbaccada-baccada-baccada-baccada!” He danced with glee and used his arms as a jump-rope, Sally screaming in horror.

“Grrrr! His cockiness is my bane.” Fybi grumbled. “Thou shalt fear me when I sever thine arm with an arrow—huh?!” Her B.O.W. was missing. The lemur had taken it, playing it like a violin. “Giveth me that!” Fybi swiped the weapon and kicked him across the jungle.

The lemur was back on his feet and playing the triangle. Manky joyfully danced over to him, the lemur unsuspecting as the giant stomped and silenced him. “How magnifiecus it would be, a Gigantopithecus like me!” The Rainbow Monkeys grabbed grenades and threw them around the jungle. “To start a war on this rainbow shore and shake the island to its core. But somewhere in this earth, lies a treasure of great worth. And once my King has all the bling, he’ll rule everything!”

Harvey expanded a blue aura bubble over the monkeys to force them to become sad, but a stray bomb blew him away and broke his concentration. Aranea grew anxious at the dire situation, facing up at the Kong as he danced with pure confidence, as did the Pink Monkey on his crown. …It was then her Observation Haki kicked in. “Guys, Pink Monkey is powering him up with musicbending!”

“Fybi, shoot her off!” Anthony ordered.

“SCOOBY-DOO! I wanna be like you-oo-ou!” Manky cockily dodged Fybi’s arrows, Pink Monkey feeling fearless upon her captain’s crown. “I wanna scare like you, not care like you, just like humans do!” Manky danced over to a platform fit for his size, and it was composed of Rocket Barrels. “And learn to be, like someone like you!” And the rockets raised him to the sky. “And maybe YOU can be… LIKE SOMEONE LIKE ME!” Then, Manky leapt off the rockets, flipping upon his descent as he hurled Sally down like a meteor!

“WAAAAAAHHH!”

“I haveth thee!” Fybi blasted forth like a bullet to catch her friend, but the force of Sally’s speed was too strong, and so both girls ended up plummeting to the ground. The soil splashed into the air as if it were liquid. Anthony had willed the soil over that spot to soften, and he ran over to confirm their condition. Dirt was mixed in with blood, and only Fybi was weakly maintaining consciousness. “Hurrr… Anthony… my suspicions of this ape have been growing by the minute.”

The earth rumbled once more when Manky crash-landed. “Uncle Manky, those kids used my feelings for Specter against me!” Pink shouted, weeping. “Th-Th-They were going to take off my Pipo Helmet. But if I lose this helmet, I might forget Specter!”

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Manky reached up and gently patted her. “I’ll straighten them out for you.”

“NO! I have to fight them myself!” Pink declared, a pink aura enveloping her. “A girl’s pride is on the line! I have to defeat them with my love!”

“Calm yourself down! Still, if they used your ‘feelings’ against you, then one of them must be an emotionbender. If I’m correct… it’s that boy in the black ushanka, right?”

“What’s it to you?” Anthony asked.

“I’d like to make a deal with you kids: you see, buried up in that mountain is a jewel known as the Rainbow Crown. It’s a special jewel that can be used to convert emotions into power, and I was planning to use Pink’s love for Specter as a base. However, if I have an emotionbender to enhance her feelings, it might become more powerful. If you would be kind enough to help me, I’ll spare you a painful punishment for intruding on my land.”

“Why do you want this crown, anyway?!”

“Anthony…” Fybi grunted. “His previous words… he hast mentioned yon Kremling Krew. Mayhaps he is… under their employ?”

“Mayhaps I am indeed.” Manky smirked. “I am the King of the Jungle Division, and yes, I have come to make this island part of our territory. We were lucky that the Big Mom Pirates didn’t have a chance to set up shop here first, considering Bully Island is close by. As for the crown, well, let’s just say it’s for a project. I’ve answered enough of your questions, so will you help me or not?”

Anthony stomped up a large stone shield, engulfing himself, Sally, and Fybi. Manky quickly shattered it with a Haki punch, but they had already sunk beneath the ground. “Sigh… that’s what I thought.”

Aranea used her Haki to dodge the bullets from the monkeys’ guns, until she was engulfed in another earth shield. The same applied to a weakened Harvey.

Suddenly, a massive fist of smooth gray stone sprouted out of the ground and punched Manky in the face. As he stumbled back, wiping blood off his mouth, a statue of Anthony McKenzie appeared to rival the Kong’s size. “Gray stone?” Manky asked. “The color of that soil is unnatural. Is he some sort of Logia type?” He raised both fists and hardened them as he brought them down, but Anthony raised both of his to defend. Afterwards, the statue swung his foot into the ape and sent him flying across the island.

In truth, Anthony had entered Stone Fury: his hair seemed to vanish and his peach skin had morphed a solid gray. He had gathered his friends inside the head of the statue. “He ruined the ship. We have to contact another sector if we wanna get off this rock. Fybi, do you think you’ll be able to make it on your own?”

“I am feeling rather weary at the moment, Anthony.”

“Our communicators don’t get reception on this island.” Aranea replied, checking hers.

“Then we have no choice but to kick his butt!” Anthony willed the statue to charge toward the Kong. He threw a punch that Manky tried to block with his palm, only for Anthony’s to push through it like cardboard and land another hit on Manky’s face. The orangutan recovered and ran behind the statue in his attempt to hug it. He could only hug him for a brief second before Anthony kicked back and sent him sliding. The statue about-faced and charged at the grounded Kong, who used a hand to block as Anthony stomped on his stomach. Again, the Kong’s defense was feeble, and he hacked spit as the stone foot crushed his insides.

“Something’s wrong.” Anthony said, continuing to stomp Manky through the latter’s feeble hand defense. “Why isn’t he using Haki, anymore? Ergh…” He grunted as his body reverted to a peach color, his hair reforming. “W-What’s happening to my Fury? It shouldn’t be wearing off this early…”

“What’s wrong? Out of energy?” Manky smirked, casually brushing the stone foot off him. “Rainbow Monkey Kong had another unique power: the Gentle Fist.” He got back on his feet. “By simply touching you in pure self-defense and with no violent intent, or even in a loving manner like a hug, it will soften your strength. It seems it even works if I touch things powered by your chi. Of course, after I’m done being gentle, I’ll go back to violence.” He raised his right fist as Haki returned. “Now I’ll do to you what I did to Chunky Kong… may his soul rest in peace.” In the next moment, the head of the statue was shattered.

A few miles offshore, King K. Rool gazed at the island through a telescope. “Oh… Seems the island is under attack.” He took note of the smoke. “But Manky doesn’t seem to be having trouble.”

“So, Manky is Rainbow Monkey Kong?” Kami asked in curiosity.

“Well, for the last 17 years, I suppose. After the Firstborn Quest, I learned about Devil Fruits and the man who creates them. I contacted Dr. Clown through a man named Doflamingo, and specially paid him to fund the creation of a Devil Fruit. To regain my lost powers of Animalia, I wanted him to create a Devil Fruit that would allow me to transform into any animal I pleased. Unfortunately, I later heard the completed fruit had been stolen. I demanded Doflamingo return the funding, but he ended up returning half, and in place of the other half, I was given a Devil Fruit composed of Rainbow Kong’s essence. Apparently, Doflamingo was the cause of Rainbow Kong’s mysterious death and the fruit was waiting in storage.”

“You people really are despicable.”

“Yes, but our despicability is what will save your daughter. Anyway, it seems we will be docking soon. I must make sure to look the part.” And K. Rool morphed from a croc to a green gorilla.

Planet Mobius; North Island

North Island was typically a pleasant Winter Island, home to Mobian polar bear Vikings. With houses made of ice, and strong warriors to protect it, it was a pretty and peaceful village. But not today…

The Vikings erected massive walls of solid ice to protect their village, bearing weapons as the enemy army drew near. What seemed like hundreds of penguins, walruses, and even owls marched across the frozen land in a thunderous fashion. Leading them was Lord Fredrik, Snowmad King of the Arctic Division. “Vikings of North Island, we claim your land in the name of King K. Rool. Surrender to us now and avoid a cold fate.”

“Oh, we aren’t going to give in to thugs like you, yup.” Chief Norman said. “Men, send these wannabes back to the ocean!” The bears roared and charged at the enemy Vikings.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Fredrik said before taking a breath and blowing heartily into his horn. An ice dragon grazed the snow as it flew toward Norman, but he severed the dragon with a mighty swing of his axe. Norman clashed with Fredrik, each imbuing Haki in their weapons. Though it was axe against horn, the wooden instrument proved durable as Fredrik knocked the axe away. He took Norman down with a swing to the head.

The Snowmads’ polar bear general, Bashmaster, fought with Bark, a Mobian bear with yellow fur. Bark’s fists countered Bashmaster’s hammer, but that was before the hammer froze the fists. Bark jumped back when the hammer came down again, and the Mobian jumped off the back of it and bashed his frozen fists onto Bashmaster’s head. The ice broke, so Bark followed with a strong punch to the back, but was not prepared when Bashmaster hauled the hammer behind him and struck his opponent.

Several other Snowmads had set up a wooden ramp, which Pompy the seal general slid down. He flew off with great momentum, twirling in the air before breaking through the icy barrier. Regardless, Skowl the owl general had already flown over the village, he and his owls dropping bombs.

Flicky Island

Mobian bird officers were dropping one after another, the skies of this peaceful island blotted by a battle of birds. Karbines (owls with glasses) held cannons in their talons and fired lavaballs, Neckies (vultures) blasted nuts like bullets with enough force to knock the Mobians dizzy. Master Necky and Necky Sr. choked officers in their hook-like beaks.

Their problems only increased when a storm began to cover the island. The Neckies beamed at seeing it. “BIRD! We’ve almost got ’em down, King Helmaroc! Soon, we’ll be adding Flickies to our army too, BIRD!”

A gigantic bird with dark-purple feathers, a green and yellow tail, and a mask with yellow eyes was soaring toward the island, guiding the storm. “CAAAAAAWWW!”

Mystic Ruins

A massive galleon with a dinosaur’s figurehead blasted the train bridge leading to and from the jungle island. Tourists cried and ran in fear as T-rexes pursued them, led by General Red-Eye King. Lightfoots (raptors wielding spears) pranced about and stabbed the dog soldiers that had been dispatched to fight them. A muscular raptor known as Musclefoot fought with Sleuth Dawg, arms locked as they struggled to bring the other down. It was only when Musclefoot took a bite of the dog did the dino gain the advantage.

Of course, this battle didn’t go unheard in the skies above. Knuckles the Echidna dove down from Angel Island and was in battle with the Sharpclaw King of the Dinosaur Division, General Scales. With Knuckles’ Shovel Claw against Scales’ sword and metal claw, the match seemed fairly even. “I don’t need Sonic to protect my homeland… In the name of the Master Emerald, I WILL DEFEAT YOU!”

Scales spoke in his Dino Talk, “(Your emerald will become my present to King K. Rool. And after I have conquered this island… the pudgy witch with pink hair will LOVE ME!!)”

Knuckles didn’t understand him, yet there was a fiery passion in Scales’ sharp eyes. This love turned into power, power enough to shatter Knuckles’ claws and knuckles. The echidna grunted and fell to his knees, rasping in pain. Scales licked the blood off his sword, and by some unseen force, the nearby dinosaurs and Mobian soldiers came longing to nibble on Knuckles’ flesh. The power of the Prey-Prey Fruit took effect.

Meropis

The undersea kingdom was in a panic as swarms of malicious fish, squids, and jellyfish lay waste to all the coral buildings. A giant beast called the Kroctopus gnashed its fanged tentacles at two KND operatives, Coral the Betta and Pearly the Manta. Coral used musicbending to attack Kroctopus with notes and Pearly slashed him with waterbending, but the girls were grabbed by lesser Croctopuses, giving their general the advantage.

Meanwhile, Kommander Ineptune Korona, a giant mermaid with green skin and a purple tailfin, was in battle with two shark kids, a slate one named Razor and a red one named Blade. The three spun and shot at each other with Torpedo Spins, and the sharks were almost equal with the mermaid before they were forced to divide, gaining a headache. Blade quickly swam up and stabbed Ineptune with a knife, but this caused a noxious gas to leak out of the green skin and infect her nostrils. Ineptune then whipped Blade away with her tail.

“Why the hell are you pirates attacking us?!” Razor demanded to know, using Haki as he punched Ineptune, but she blocked with her large palms and blew mini gas bubbles at him.

“We’ve been ordered to capture as many Mobians as possible! I don’t know what he has planned, but if all goes well, K. Rool will be the KING of Mobius!”

Superbia; U.A. Dorms

At 1:30 in the morning, the night was calm and pleasant within the grounds of U.A.. The students and teachers were adrift in slumber, and no activity occurred in the streets outside. The only exception were a few shady characters with animal traits lurking outside. Of course, animal traits were common amongst the people of this planet, so they weren’t entirely suspicious.

The silence was slightly ruptured by a patter of little footsteps in the hallway. A white-haired girl with a horn on her head had gone to the living room to retrieve a bottle of water from the fridge. As soon as she took a drink, she heard a voice: “Eri-chan?” With a gasp, she closed the fridge and turned.

“Deku-san…” she greeted her favorite hero. “What are you doing up?”

“I was about to ask the same thing. …But I guess the answer will be the same, hehe.”

Once Deku had his own drink, he and Eri joined each other on the couch. “It’s hard to sleep when your throat is dry, you know?” said the hero.

“But isn’t soda bad before bedtime?” Eri replied, acknowledging his chosen beverage.

“Uh…” He blushed. “Eh, milk and water always feel weird on my tongue after sleeping. Besides, I usually get back to bed pretty easy.”

“Okay…” She stared at her drink for a second. “…I’m glad you got your Quirk back, by the way.”

“Oh, thanks. I bet you were getting tired of hanging on my shoulders, huh?” He smiled jokingly.

“Um… I guess, but… I mean, I really enjoyed helping you.”

“And I’m really thankful. But I felt bad for putting you in so much danger.”

“…Hey, Deku-san?” She looked up at him. “If I joined the Kids Next Door, could I help you even more?”

He could see a sparkle in her sweet red eyes, beaming with aspiration. “Eri-chan, if you joined the KND, you would have to help a lot more people than just me. And that would be a lot of hard work. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“Y…Y…” She wanted to say ‘yes,’ but even she was not sure. “I just want to be more useful to you.”

“Eri, don’t dedicate your life to me.” Deku grinned, planting a hand on her young head. “Find something that you’re passionate about and live your life happily. And don’t ever think that you’re useless.”

“Mmm…” She could only respond with a smile.

“Well, my eyes are getting heavy… Don’t stay up too late.” Deku stood and began to return to his room.

“Deku-san?” She grabbed his hand. “Can I… stay with you tonight?”

“W-W-Why?”

“Uh… I don’t know. I just… want to be with you tonight.”

He sported a chuckle and replied, “Eri-chan, I’m flattered, but I don’t want you to get too attached to me. Learn to be more independent.”

“Oh… Okay. I’m sorry, Deku-san.” With that, Eri walked the opposite way.

“Er, I didn’t mean to sound rude.”

“It’s okay.” She faced him with a smile. “You’re right. I want to be stronger, too.” So, she continued on to her room. Deku smiled with pride for his friend and left as well.

When Eri returned to her room and locked the door, the water was quick to stir her stomach. She entered her bathroom and turned on the light. After her talk with Deku, her heart was at ease, so relieving herself would be all she needed to return to a peaceful slumber. She lifted the seat, her eyes meeting those of the vicious snake in the black cowboy hat—

“!!!” Eri could only let out a weak gasp, leaping back in terror. At first, she thought she was imagining it, but only for a second until the venomous predator emerged from the toilet. More of his body slowly presented itself, and his mass would eventually fill the room and envelop Eri. “Well, well… looks like I made it just in time.” said Rattlesnake Jake. “I was savin’ room for ratssss tonight.”

In an instant, she woke the dorms like an alarm clock. “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”

Kami is a lot like Nolan in that she’s one of the few parents who take initiative. And that was King Louie’s song from The Jungle Book you just heard! I was originally gonna make Louie part of the Krew, but it made more sense to put Manky in his place. Also, remember Gaul from the Firstborn Saga? He was Rainbow Kong’s Negative. So, that explains when he died.

Chapter Text

Truth be told, I fear that K. Rool won’t be as lovable as Big Mom. Of course, Queen Sherry is more like the fun-loving daughter of the Four Emperors, and K. Rool is the mature father. (Ironic because Big Mom/Grandma is her nickname.)

Three years ago; Planet Mobius

Lately, I’ve been hearing about this notorious pirate crew on Mobius. They were known as the White Fang. Their crew consists of Faunus; hybrids between humans and Mobians. In the past, Faunus also faced discrimination from their pureblooded peers. Either they were deemed an inferior species by Mobians, or a mutant species by humans. The White Fang was formed solely to show the world how strong the hybrids were. It kind of reminded me of my own past, in a way. I didn’t really care about their plight or goals, but it would have been nice to have them in my Krew.

So, on a whim, I decided to sail to the White Fang’s hideout, and beat the ever-loving snot out of all of them.

I broke a rabbit boy’s skull, bit a dog boy’s tail, broke a bird girl’s rib cage, grabbed a kangaroo boy by the legs and smashed his head into that of a lion girl, and the last one I remember before it got repetitive was smashing a mole boy’s nose against my golden belly. That is to say they were persistent; they kept getting back up and trying to hit me, but the fact was, they were dealing with an Emperor. By the time all the Faunus lay on the floor, I was face-to-face with Captain Sienna Khan, and Vice-Captain Adam Taurus.

Sienna certainly looked the part of a leader, a fierce tiger Faunus with stripes on her dark skin, ears in her black hair, a red cape over her black clothing, and sharp yellow eyes. Alas, I easily snatched her Chain Whip in my hardened hand and yanked it out of her grasp, and when Adam tried to slice me with his faithful sword, Wilt, it flew out of his hand upon contact with my belly. I punched the boy unconscious, and stood imposingly over a panting Sienna.

“Mweh heh har! You mutants were supposed to be superior to your parent races! Or was that all a load of bark?”

“What do you want from us?!” Sienna hissed. “We didn’t do anything to you! We weren’t trying to pick a fight!”

“Au contraire: the King of the Jungle must be the mightiest animal. If any beast thinks itself superior, I must prove them otherwise. After all… what does a petty little pirate crew have in this massive universe, where the Kids Next Door rule? UWAGH!” Before I knew it, my tail had been stabbed. It seemed Adam had still been conscious. Heh, and I thought I was the master of the Fake Death trick.

“You know what, Your Highness… I think you’re right.” Adam smirked, his Wilt through my tail. “I suppose we are just feeble insects in the grand scheme of things. It’s no wonder they still don’t take us seriously. Sienna… I think it’s time we get with the game. It’s time we evolve from petty criminals and join the big leagues. After all… isn’t that why you’re here?”

“I suppose if I don’t comply, I’ll lose my tail.” I figured. “If that’s the case…” My tail imbued with Haki as I whipped Adam away and pulled the sword out. “I will gladly accept you! Or would you prefer the alternative, Sienna?”

The tiger captain growled at me. “Fine.”

At times, I would ask myself, did they really have a vision? Or were the White Fang just criminals for the sake of being criminals? Because it really seemed like the latter.

Anyway, I had other problems. Entering my 60s, it wouldn’t be long before my reduced lifespan would take its toll. My only shred of hope was a hypothesis my brother concocted. The time has come to test this theory. Already, we have secured the extremely rare Chameleonian. Now… we just had to wait. Wait until the Queen was ready to give birth.

Present time; U.A. Dorms

The instant Deku heard that familiar scream, he was bolting down the hallway. There was always a chance Eri was faking her distress for the sole purpose of luring him to her room. “Mr. Aizawa!” He met his messy-haired teacher inside Eri’s room. “Was that Eri just now?! Where is she?!”

“According to the tracer I put on her, she’s traveling underground.” The teacher showed him his phone and the small red dot that moved along the screen. “Her bathroom was torn up, so I imagine they took Eri through the toilet.”

“How can you say that so casually?!” Deku exclaimed. “No one could possibly fit in there!”

“Quit wasting time and go after her!” Aizawa ordered, passing him the phone. “I’ll let the others know.”

But as if on cue, alarms began to blare. In a moment, they found that all the other students were outside, seeing fires brimming in the city. “Who the hell starts a fire at this hour?!” Bakugo asked, aggressively rubbing crust off his eyes.

“Guys, Eri-chan was kidnapped!” Deku informed in a panic.

“AGAIN?!” Iida exclaimed.

“So, that’s what that scream was!” Ochaco deduced.

“Midoriya, Asui, Bakugo, Uraraka, you four follow Eri’s signal and pursue her.” Aizawa ordered. “The rest of us will go into town. This could be a planned attack.”

“You can count on us!” Deku declared, immediately dashing in the indicated direction.

“W-Wait for us!” Uravity yelped, scrambling after him.

“I’m really getting sick of rescuing this brat.” Bakugo stated.

“I’m gonna kill you later. Ribbit.” Tsu replied.

Minutes ago

Rattlesnake Jake silenced Eri by capturing the girl in a net fired from his tail. He then pulled the helpless child into his Pocket Space tail and compressed his body to go back into the toilet.

Even though Ah’m big for mah girth, we Devil Snakes have the unique ability to compress our bodies to go into small places. It’s good for makin’ getaways… but I usually don’t prefer this route. Either way, this new tail really makes it easy to snatch prey and bring them along with me! Unfortunately, ’long as this brat is in my tail, I can’t switch to another weapon.

Jake returned to the sewer and released Eri from his tail, but quickly wrapped the girl up in his body, keeping her mouth covered. “It’s all worth it to get to meet K. Rool, the big hundo-billion man! Even if I don’t have a chance in Hell of killing him, I sure do welcome the opportunity.”

“She’s right underneath us, let’s just blow the ground open and kick their ass!” Jake halted, his keen hearing picking up a voice above.

“No, maybe we should wait until they settle down. Then Tsu can sneak in and spy on them.” a girl replied with caution.

Glaring, Jake continued slithering in random directions. “Tryin’ ta get the jump on me, are they? Well, let’s have a little fun, shall we?”

The High Fang was looming in the sky above a forest region, keeping a sharp eye on the surface. “There are four operatives down there.” A ponytailed Faunus named Ilia reported. She had scales on her dark skin and black clothes. “They might be tracking Jake!”

“Knowing Jake, he probably already knows.” Adam replied. “We might as well join in the fun.”

Jake slithered out of a sewer tunnel within a hill, cautiously searching for potential followers. Jake gasped, hearing a force falling toward him, and he dodged before the invisible being could land on him. Darn, I think he can see me! Tsu panicked, quickly hopping when Jake gnashed fangs at her.

“HYAH!” Deku flew down with a Manchester Smash to Jake’s tail, only for the snake to dodge once more.

“Mmhmm-snn! Mmhmm-snn!” Eri tried to shout Deku’s name, the tail muffling her cries.

“Give Eri-chan back to us!” Deku demanded.

“Sure, Ah’ll give her back! I’ll send you the DROPPINGS!” Jake’s Gun Tail transformed and fired shurikens that homed in on the hero, Deku dodging as he raced up and swung a fierce kick up at Jake’s chin. For a moment, Jake feigned dizziness as he flew backward, but immediately performed a loop with his head and sunk teeth into Deku’s leg!

“Watch yourself, dammit!” Bakugo yelled, attempting to explode Jake’s body, only for the snake to release Deku and evade him.

Jake threw Eri behind him and turned his tail into a spring, Eri landing on it as she was sprung into the sky. “AAAAAHH!”

“I’ll save you!” Froppy made a terrific leap and launched her tongue, only to be grabbed by an electric whip. “ZZZZZTTT!” The whip slammed her onto the ground before unwrapping. “Grrr… You know, that mask doesn’t help your camouflage.” Tsu looked in the direction of the whip, and it seemed to be hovering in the air along with a skull mask. Ilia became visible and continued lashing at the frog, Tsu leaping backward and firing globs of saliva at her.

Jake fired poison gas from his tail and covered Bakugo, who held his breath, but a strong clap from Deku blew the gas away. Jake then switched to a minigun tail, Deku running from his flurry of laser bullets. Deku leapt 20 feet into the air and kicked behind him to fly over Jake. He whirled around in preparation for a kick as he descended, but he was an easy target for Jake’s gun. “AGH!” Jake grunted when Bakugo exploded his tail, and with his guard dropped, Deku succeeded in kicking the side of his head.

“AAAAAHH!” Before he knew it, Bakugo was impaled from behind, seeing a red sword cut through his stomach.

“Kacchan!” Deku cried in horror.

“You BASTARD!” Bakugo whipped around and tried to explode Adam, the vice-captain blocking with the sword’s sheathe. Froppy wrapped her tongue around her friend’s hip and pulled him away.

“Your blood tastes horrible, by the way!” Froppy grunted. “We need to get you to Recovery Girl!”

“Easy target!” Adam leapt and tried to slice Tsu’s tongue, the frog immediately whipping around, and when Bakugo made the full rotation, he blasted Adam with an explosion!

“YOOOW!” Jake took a bite of Tsu next, throwing her and Bakugo at Deku.

“I wouldn’t mind some fresh, raw frog, but now ain’t the time. Bon voyage, you little runts!” Jake changed his tail into a cannon and shot an energy ball at the ground. He, Adam, and Ilia were enveloped in a blue sphere as they began floating up to the ship.

“Is that a gravity gun?!” Deku yelled. “Get back here!” He leapt in attempt to grab the snake, but Jake fired a homing laser to send him back. Jake grabbed hold of the High Fang’s anchor and slithered up, with Adam and Ilia simply holding it as they were lifted.

On the ship’s deck, Sienna smirked at the near success of their mission. “…Huh?” When darkness seemed to fall over her, she faced up: the moon was blotted by a cloud of floating small rocks.

Uraraka positioned her hands to center on the ship’s engine, willing all the stones to descend like hail. Sienna spun her Chain Whip to repel the stones, and once Jake caught sight of the suspended target, he locked his minigun on the gravity girl and fired. “ERGH!” Holes ruptured her body, leaving her with no choice but to drop to the earth as a means of escape. Deku recovered in time to catch his friend. “Ochaco, float me up there! I can still-!”

“MOVE, DAMMIT!” Bakugo used a double explosion to blast himself into the two, pushing them away as dynamites rained from the ship. The High Fang began returning to the sky, with Jake firing bullets at the grounded prey to ensure they couldn’t prepare for a counterattack.

“Ah ha ha! Man, I haven’t felt this good in ages!” Jake laughed, blowing smoke off his tail. “Say, you mind if we swing by Earth later? Ah wonder if old Uno still has spice in him.”

“Let’s get this girl to K. Rool first.” Adam replied.

“What about the Faunus who are still in town?” Ilia asked.

“They’ve been ordered to make their way to the ocean.” Sienna answered. “We’ll send rescue parties for them later. For now, the timebender is more important. Set a course for Mobius now.”

When Jake had finally stopped firing, the young heroes could only despair as the ship vanished into hyperspace. “Do those people work for the Brotherhood?” Deku asked. “Is that why they came for Eri?”

“It didn’t seem like those people had any Quirks, except for their animal traits.” Tsu mentioned. “Even so… I wonder if they were really from around here.”

“Well, wherever they’re going… I just hope Toru will be able to contact us.” Uraraka said.

Hideout Helm; several hours later

By this time, Eri was frightened to the point she had lost breath. She was strapped to a table inside a small chamber, her pupils shrinking as a metal claw drew closer. Slowly and gently, the claw clasped her little horn. “OOOOOOWWWW!” The claw began tugging on the horn. Eri felt like her skull was being pulled out of her flesh.

“So, according to Dr. Clown,” Baron K. Rool began, controlling the claw as he viewed Eri through a window, “Eri’s power can be utilized when her horn has grown. That will be the perfect time to thoroughly analyze her.”

At the same time, Harvey Harper awoke in a prison cell with a large, sealed door and a window. After rubbing his head of soreness, he grasped the situation. “Wait a minute! Where am I?!”

“You’re in my fortress.” Harvey faced the window. There sat a throne with a blonde-haired girl with black and red clothes and cat ears. She smirked at her prisoner while petting a green cat with a gold crown in her lap. “Welcome to Hideout Helm.” said the cat.

“Your voice is deep for a cat.” Harvey commented.

“I’m no ordinary cat, boy. I am King Kroctus Rool, ruler of the Kremling Krew.”

“Um… I’m sorry, but what? You don’t look anything like your wanted poster.”

“Well, posters can often be deceiving.” As the king spoke, the catgirl rose a knife above his neck and chopped down. The cat king’s neck turned gold, negating any damage, and the girl continued chopping in rapid succession with no success. “And this girl is my officer, Moge-ko. Our relationship is a tad unstable.”

“Kitty Rool was the first one to beat my Dead Course.” Moge-ko replied, wiggling her socked toes. “Then he told me if I could cut him, he’d give me a zillion bugs to squish. And when he says ‘bugs,’ he means KND operatives. And the first ones will be your wittle friends.”

“M…My friends?!” Harvey exclaimed.

“After Manky succeeded in capturing you,” said the king, “we thought we could use your emotionbending for our plan. To ensure you would cooperate, we have scattered your friends across various bases. A classic, yet efficient strategy on our part. If you don’t want harm to come upon them, you’ll do as I say.”

Harvey stared at his hand as a pink aura appeared. “The heck I will, buddy. AAAAAAHHHH!” He unleashed a Fear Scream and shattered the window; that’s what happens when you don’t chi-block your cell! Unfortunately, Moge-ko unleashed her Fear Chi and enveloped Harvey. He struggled to counter the Fear with Hope, a clash that was represented by yellow and dark-red masses of energy. “Huhn?!” Harvey gasped when a yellow, smiling cat hugged him from behind.

“Moge-tan like Harvey-kun. Moge-tan gonna give Harvey a good time.”

“Moge-chan want play time, too.” replied another Mogeko, hugging his left leg.

“Mogege mogege mogege mogege.” More and more of the naughty cats grabbed hold of him every second.

“Are we enjoying ourselves?” Moge-ko cooed, appearing as a giant in this illusion with the soles of her socks towering above Harvey. “None of this may be real, but it sure won’t feel that way. So, do you want to lose your innocence at such a young age or do you wanna help in our evil plan? Or if you want, you could escape this nightmare by running my Dead Kid Course. Then you’ll be immune to this spell. Of course, that would be a very very hard thing to do.”

Even if Harvey could endure the unspeakable things these kittens would do… there seemed to be no way out of here. None of his friends could have anticipated this. It was supposed to be a simple mission to Rainbow Monkey Island, not a fight with the Kremling Krew. His team was scattered, he was trapped in the core of K. Rool’s fortress… and he had absolute doubt that any other operatives knew of their situation.

“Quit it!” In an instant, the illusion vanished. Moge-ko’s expression was one of scorn as Kami Heartly aimed her Keyblade at her. “Krockhead, the deal was you wouldn’t hurt them, only capture them. So, quit playing these pointless mind games.”

“A-Aunt Kami.” Harvey stuttered.

“I can always count on you to ruin the fun.” Kroctus replied. “Still…” The king pounced onto the floor and grew to his full, intimidating size. “I only granted you this request out of respect for you, but I am not obligated to follow it! I do not have to heal your daughter, I only choose to help out of kindness. This is the Animal Kingdom, Kamilla. And the king must assert his dominance!” His overwhelming Conqueror’s Haki filled the room, bringing Kami and Harvey to their knees.

“Gnnnnn…” Harvey was able to combat the Haki with his own Emotion Chi, struggling to stand. “I…I will…I will NEVER listen to you!” His body brimmed with a Passionate red aura. “My friends and I worked too hard to save this world! I won’t let scummy villains like you RUIN IT!” His Passion took the form of fire on his fists and feet, allowing him to dash behind K. Rool, leap up, and kick the side of his head!

The king blocked this attack with normal Haki, but Harvey leapt away by the time he turned around. The boy drew Tears of Passion from his eyes; large red, heated tears that were blocked by K. Rool’s hardened arms. The Krock King swung a punch straight to Harvey’s stomach, using only a fraction of strength so he didn’t fly too far down the hall. The king charged over and pinned Harvey under his foot. “Back in the days of the Firstborn Quest, Team Gnaa nearly ruled this world! And after Ganondorf revived us, we could have easily snuffed you out… but we chose to be generous and give you the victory. You may rule this world, boy… but we have come to challenge that throne. However, that need not concern you at the moment! All you have to do is use your emotionbending to enhance Pink’s love. Do so and I will have your friends returned home.”

Harvey didn’t expect him to hold his word… but he was in no position to argue. All odds were against him. And this man was an S-ranked criminal. He could only beat K. Rool in his wildest dreams… Hmm, dreams… “Fine. I’ll do it, so let’s get it over with.”

“Splendid.” Kroctus smirked. “Unfortunately, we won’t be beginning the project right this minute.” The king stepped off him. “Guards! Lock him in the chi-blocked chamber.”

“Oh my gosh, King Kuh-Rool!” shouted Noah Heart as she lifted Harvey over her shoulder. “He’s all smelly with your smelly foot! And I’m TOTALLY not giving him a bath!”

“Then return to Kongo Jungle and back up the soldiers! If the Big Mom Pirates attacked once, they might attack again.”

“But it’s hoooot out there.” Noah twirled around, Harvey swaying about. “And the Krockies don’t have any sunscreen! Why am I the only one that’s not immune to sunburn?!”

“Look, I’ll give you some of mine, Noah.” Kami sighed in frustration. “Just shut up.”

“HEY!! I have a mouth and I will use it!”

“I’m gonna take your mouth in your sleep.” Moge-ko said, knife drawn.

“ENOUGH! All of you, just leave!” Kroctus bellowed at the three blondes. “You’re disrupting my Diary-Writing Time.”

“You heard him, girls.” Kami remarked, walking with Noah to the brig. “Let’s leave the man to his diary.”

“Psst, Aunt Kami.” Harvey whispered. “I need to ask you a favor.”

“Huh? What is it?”

“I want you to use that Keyblade to unlock my subconscious.”

“Um… Okay, I guess?” Kami cocked a brow, surprised that Harvey knew a Keyblade could do that. …Actually, even she wasn’t sure what Keyblades could do, it was just a weird sword to her.

“I’ll leave it up to you.” With that, Harvey used his bending to make his own mind tired and weary, putting himself back to sleep.

Dream Realm

When Harvey woke again, he found himself in Yo-yo Haven, a dreamscape with a sunny pink sky, a grass field with flowers, and thousands of yo-yos dangling from the endless heavens. They all spiraled up and down on their strings in an almost hypnotic fashion.

But Harvey shook his head of this hypnotism and told himself, “This is a dream. I’m in the Dream Realm. And if I’m in the Dream Realm… this may be my only way to get in contact with other operatives.”

Indeed, after approaching the Warp Stone, he watched as a portal spiraled open. He smiled, mentally thanking Kami for her aid. With his subconscious unlocked, he exited his dreamscape into the Hall of Doors. Afterwards, he traveled along the River of Dreams, searching for a particular label… then, he found it: Mado no Nikki.

I hate to drag Madotsuki into our conflicts, but she may be our only chance. Harvey began concocting the plan in his mind as he traveled the dreamscape in question. Madotsuki can freely travel the Dream World, so I can get her to visit other operatives in their sleep and tell them about our situation. …And maybe she can do more.

Madotsuki has that Gem of Dreams thing, which means she can physically enter the Dream World and exit it via other peoples’ bodies. That means, if she goes to my friends’ dreams, she can exit and determine where they’re being held captive. …But maybe she shouldn’t. For all I know, Aranea could be suspended above a pit of death, which means Mado will fall the second she appears. And Sally could be surrounded by snipers. They’ll kill Mado before she has a chance to return to the Dream Realm.

“Uhhhhgh! MAN, it pisses me off!” Harvey shouted. “Mado has such a convenient power, but she can’t use it! Sigh… Oh, of course! When my friends go to sleep, they can meet Mado and just tell her where they’re being held, then she can tell the other operatives! Man, it’s a lot easier to just think your plans out loud.”

After crossing the barren dreamscape, Harvey located Madotsuki’s bed. The soul of the Japanese girl was in peaceful slumber, which naturally meant her body was awake. “I guess all I can do now is wait for her to go to sleep… Hopefully before they wake me up.”

Across Planet Mobius

Aranea Fulbright woke to find herself suspended thousands of feet in the air. She was tied to a giant bar, which resembled a seat for a birdcage. When she fully observed her surroundings, she seemed to be inside a tremendous birdcage with several wooden houses hung throughout. Those houses had Kremling flags flapping in the breeze, and various types of birds, from crows to vultures, were keeping close watch on their prisoner. This place was Alpine Skyline, a base for the Kremling Krew’s Avian Division.

“Say, fellow bird pirate,” a Rito crow asked his partner, “what is your favorite means of containing a prisoner?”

“I believe I am quite fond of the YOUR PARENTAL GUARDIAN.” replied the partner.

“Oh ho, yes! The REPORTED FOR SPAM is quite hilarious!”

…

Anthony was encased inside a bubble on the seafloor, surrounded by an undersea encampment of sea creatures. However, nothing was guarding him except for a single Chinese fighting fish. “That’s it? THAT’S all you can pass for a guard?” Anthony spoke with pure cockiness. “Just one puny fish? THAT’S your ace in the hole? HAH! All I need to do is dig me an underground air tunnel and-” The second Anthony stuck his fingers outside, “YOWCH OUCH AAAAH!” The fighting fish sunk its “teeth” into his fingers, then dropped to bite his toes, then up to nibble his nose, and took time chomping every inch of his skin before returning to the water. “…I’m telling Mom you touched me!” the boy cried.

…

Fybi Fulbright was chained to a stalactite in an underground mine, “watched” by badger-moles in helmets. “Oi, I can’t believe they found a whole secret garden of sky bison!” one of the moles said. “After ALL the trouble we went through helpin’ the Fire Nation burn them all.”

“Shhh, that brat’s gonna hear you…”

“Wot brat?! …Oh, you mean the angel. Oi keep forgetting she’s there, she’s so light.”

…

And just as well, in a forest, Sally Harper was locked in a cage, the room swaying and bumping. She had been locked in a train with a Monkey Park circus logo, with the front car designed like a purple Rainbow Monkey’s face. Sally thought back to the violent nature the monkeys displayed on the island. “What have they done to you poor things?”

Outside Hideout Helm; Krem Springs

Rattlesnake Jake crossed a bridge connecting Hideout Helm with a Japanese-style building. Sakura petals fluttered about the air, and when Jake accidentally sniffed one into his nose- “ACHOO!”

Jake entered a bar inside the building. Contrary to its beautiful exterior, the bar was a shabby and worn-down place with sexy posters of Candy Kong, two Krooks trying to strangle each other, and a Krusha was hanging by the neck on a ceiling fan. Music was playing from a boombox that sounded like loud pianos and horns. “Oi, look, maties!” a Klomp pointed. “It’s Jake, the new guy!”

“We might as well give him the rookie treatment.” A Kruncha cracked his knuckles.

With a sigh, Jake used his machinegun tail to fire a storm of lasers around the bar, killing several Kremlings, followed by shurikens to cut their necks, and once he was done, he feasted on some of their remains. “Thanks for the meal.” Jake told the barkeep, who frightfully passed Jake a free drink.

Jake then slithered up to the top of the tower, where several people were gathered at a beautiful spring with palm trees and umbrellas. He gasped with awe and aspiration, eyes shining as he gazed at them. “There they are! The big dogs of the Kremling Krew! There’s General Scales, with a 980,000,000 bounty!” He acknowledged the green humanoid dinosaur in a red tunic. “And Lord Fredrik, boss of the Snowmads, worth 750,000,000!” The obese walrus was wearing sunglasses and resting in a cold pool. “And I think that big ol’ mermaid is Ineptune, worth 500,000,000.” She was a large mermaid with a slimy green upper-half and purple tail. “Man alive, any old fool could make it big by huntin’ these mammoths. Sure, I can get plenty wealthy just by working for them, but nothin’ fills me up like a sweet hunt!” In his fantasy, Jake was dining on the heads of the three Kommanders, his body growing fatter.

“Well, it seems that Kroctus is starting yet another evil plan.” Ineptune spoke, sipping a green drink. “Why is that girl so important? She’s so tiny, she’d fit right under my fingernail!”

“Apparently, she’s a timebender of some sort.” Fredrik replied. “I even heard that the timebenders in the Kids Next Door were captured by the Big Mom Pirates. They must be plannin’ to use them for something, too. Might be a good thing we have one of our own then.”

“. . . . .” General Scales had been sitting faced away from his Kolleagues. He seemed to be drawing on a stone tablet.

“Scales, I know we can’t understand you, but at least try to contribute.” Ineptune remarked.

“Here come your snacks, Milords!” a British Re-Koil Kremling bounced in with plates of food in hand. “Oh?” He bounced higher than Scales’ tablet, seeing a drawing of a pudgy girl with a cute smile and pigtails. “’ey, who is that girl? You fancy her, do you?”

“KRESHA! (SILENCE!)” Scales sent the Kremling flying off the tower with a swing of his claws.

“Oooo!” Ineptune floated up and snatched the stone. “What a sweetheart! Is this a cavegirl from Sauria?”

“(Don’t touch that!)” Scales took the stone back. “(I drank this girl’s blood three months ago, and for some reason, I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I want to find her again… and caress her like the sweet lump of meat she is.)”

Thankfully, Ineptune couldn’t understand him. “Well, I wish you the best!”

“Oh, Helmaroc is back!” Fredrik observed, tilting up his glasses. “I wonder if he got that new Devil Fruit?”

The Helmaroc King perched himself on the roof. “CAAAAAAWWW!”

“Well, let’s hear it, Helmaroc! Show us the lightning!”

“CAW!” Helmaroc flexed his wings as lightning sparked, crackling like a storm.

“Buah hah, so that’s the Bird-Bird Fruit, Model: Zapdos! Don’t worry, nobody’s going to miss that Legendary Pokémon. It’s as old as Rainbow Kong, anyway.”

However, the very sight of Helmaroc made Jake zip down the tower, shuddering in his skin. “B-B-B-Big bird. A-Ah don’t like birds…”

Base Laboratory

Baron K. Rool grew tired of Eri’s crying, so he injected her with a sleeping drug. Her young red eyes remained open, milky as Klammy extracted blood from her. The claw was still gently pulling her little horn. It was debatable if Eri was actually still awake, trying desperately to cry and scream, yet was unable to.

“Hmm… Fascinating.” Klammy said, observing the blood through microscope goggles. “This human blood is mutated, as expected of a Superbian… and there are chronitons, which are commonly found within timebenders. Yet, something is off about these. I’m detecting unnatural properties. Perhaps Dr. Eggman or Caesar could help me clarify.”

Klammy abandoned the station and brought the syringe to a machine. …A button on the station seemed to press itself, causing the claw pulling Eri to release. “Heh?!” Klammy turned, hearing this. “Why did it stop? Useless machine.” The scientist stomped over and restarted the claw.

When he came over, an invisible person tip-toed away in a quick and panicky fashion. Their bare toes made no sound on the base’s floor. Poor Eri-chan… I wanna save her, but how can I do it without them seeing me? she thought to herself.

“You can count on us!” Deku declared, immediately dashing in the indicated direction.

“W-Wait for us!” Uravity yelped, scrambling after him.

“Uraraka, wait!” Aizawa held the girl back. “I want you to take Hagakure with you.”

When Uraraka had launched the storm of rocks at the pirate ship, she had secretly floated the Invisible Girl on the vessel. “I hope no one discovers her.” she thought.

When Klammy left the station again, Invisible Girl approached the window. “Eri-chan… we’ll save you. I don’t know when, I don’t know how… but we’ll get you out of here. I promise.”

Helmaroc is from Wind Waker, and he also appeared in the Firstborn Saga. Lol remember Jake’s bird phobia from way back then? I guess Sector U.A. shoulda had Tokoyami with them. X)

Chapter Text

Kind of got an exposition-y chapter here. I’ve been feeling rather ill lately and I wanna feel like I’m making progress.

Hideout Helm

Plates of raw meat were spread across the giant-sized dining room table. King Kroctus treated his jaws to their succulent flesh. Entire bodies of pigs, fish, and cows were vanishing down his throat. General Scales dined on the meat as well, while Fredrik helped himself to clams, worms, and cucumbers. “Hey, get your own!” Fredrik yelled at Helmaroc when the giant bird stole some of his worms.

Their undignified way of eating and choice of food disgusted Toru Hagakure. They were animals down to the core. She wanted to puke at the sight of Jake burying his head in a pile of frogs; they only reminded her of Tsu. Moge-ko was eating cooked birds, and whenever she glanced over at Helmaroc, the giant bird cowered in his corner. Jake nuzzled up to the catgirl and said, “Thanks for bein’ mah table buddy!”

“Let’s have a toast to our new friend, Jake!” Adam announced, raising a glass of red wine. “For helping us nab that little horned freak!”

“You have horns too, you know.” Sienna reminded.

“Pfft, they don’t erect like hers does.”

“I guess you’ve never been in love then.” Ineptune remarked.

“BE QUIET!” Adam flushed, the Kommanders chortling as mushed food flew out of their mouths.

“Now we have both ingredients to our plan.” Manky Kong said, having apparently been scaled down to fit in the room. “The timebender girl… and the Rainbow Crown.” With his long arms, he raised a neon crown with colored banana points and a central rainbow antenna like those on the monkeys.

“What’re you going to do with a silly old thing like that?” Jake asked arrogantly, his tone full of doubt. “Turn everyone into hippies? Make ’em all act like babies?”

“That is the gist of it, yes.” K. Rool replied, stroking his chin. “This crown is brimming with Emotion Chi, and when used in the right way, I believe it can manipulate peoples’ emotions the same way a bender could. Combined with Eri’s Rewind ability, we will revert our enemies’ psyches into those of a premature age. This will make enforcing our control over them a walk in the park.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just Rewind them out of existence?” Sienna asked.

“Now, Captain, where’s your imagination?” Adam asked with a smile. “The humans use us as slaves, don’t they? Even fellow Mobians do. This is the best way to get revenge.”

“Yes, that’s my boy!” K. Rool smacked the bull’s back. It would be aching all night. “Did you know, in their infant years, Mobians behave the same as any wild animal? So, if we revert the Mobians’ mentalities, I can Kommand them as I could all animals in my Krew!”

So, that’s it! That’s what they’re planning with Eri! Toru thought, anger fueling her invisible heart. I can’t let them… I’m a hero! I’m right inside their base and they have no idea! I’ll kick all their butts before they even know what hit them!! And I’ll make off with Eri at the speed of wind!

“HIIIIYAH!” With a passionate leap, Toru flew and kicked Adam with all the power she could muster in her foot.

Not a second passed before Adam retaliated by slicing his invisible attacker. “AAAAAAAHHHH!”

“WHAT WAS THAT?!” Fredrik bellowed.

“Sniff, sniff. Ah smell blood.” Jake sniffed. “FRESH blood! Mmmmm…” He licked the area where the smell originated. “There’s somethin’ here! Mmmmm!” He took a bite of the invisible flesh. “So GOOD! MMMMM!” The Krewmen were completely confused by his actions, when in reality, poor Toru’s intestines were being mushed inside Jake’s mouth. No one would ever know what Jake was eating, and no one would ever find her remains.

…

That was what would result if Toru acted before thinking. As if I were anything like Deku or Bakugo. Just imagine it, “Butt-Naked Invisible Girl with no real powers beats the crap out of giant monster animals!” Sigh… Toru looked up at the Kremling King, haughtily enjoying another pig. His scaly, golden body was invincible to a feeble girl like her. No operative will ever be this close to an S-rank criminal like him. I can’t rescue Eri without the guards catching us. Until I find a way to contact my friends… I can try to learn as much as I can.

As soon as the shutter-door opened, two Kook Krooks walked in. Unlike normal Krooks, their hands were spatulas, and they carried more food. Toru saw this as her chance to rush outside the room before the door closed.

K. Rool finished a drink of water before looking contemplatively. “But that isn’t the only use I have for Eri. If her power is strong enough… she may be able to erase the Newborn from existence. We must destroy them before they can become an even greater threat.”

Toru kept on her toes and stayed along the walls as she bypassed numerous Kremlings. With Klumps, Krunchas, Krushas, and Kasplats, if the Stealth Hero made even one slip-up, the burly Krocks would be on her without question of what they were punching. What was very weird to her is how most of these Kremling types looked exactly the same. It’s common for some humans to look similar, and maybe she didn’t know enough about this species… but she couldn’t help but find it strange.

Toru found a room with a huge crown design, guarded by two gray Krushas. The door had a scanner above it, indicating it was automatic. However, when Toru approached, it didn’t open at all. If I can’t enter normally, maybe I can crawl through a vent.

The unseen hero waited for a group of Bazukas to leave a hallway as she climbed a metal support beam with gaps, though she felt they would leave slight cuts on her feet. Afterwards, Toru kicked over and grabbed hold of a vent. She planted her feet against the wall and tugged until the vent opened up. With that, she climbed the beam again and was able to grip the edge of the shaft, struggling to haul herself in. She then closed the vent.

Toru sighed to herself and crawled through the vent, accumulating dust. It seemed like a clear trail were making itself, with some of the lost dust revealing her presence a bit. “Ah…ah…mmmk!” She withheld a sneeze, which resulted in a mild headache and a sprain to her muscles. This job didn’t really do wonders for her confidence. From being unable to wear clothes, feeling inferior to the pirates, and growing filthier by the minute with no hope for a bath, Invisible Girl began to feel totally hopeless. And top in the fact she only got about four hours of sleep, using only her fear and alertness to stay awake.

Fortunately, she was able to locate K. Rool’s bedroom, cracking open the vent and sliding in. The king’s furniture was scaled to his size, with a red carpet that depicted his profile, a red bed, a TV, a window to a small balcony, and a desk with a book. After shaking and brushing some of the dust off, Toru climbed onto the large chair… It felt warm to her feet, and knowing K. Rool also went nude, she grew more disgusted. She quickly hopped on the large desk and observed the book. “This is K. Rool’s diary?” She didn’t expect such a burly croc to document his life. Out of sheer curiosity, she sat cross-legged and opened the book.

K. Rool’s Musings: A healthy Krock is a healthy eater. You can get by on meat easy, but fresh fruit, juice, and water always livens the spirit. I don’t enjoy candy or junk food, and ever since meeting Big Mom, I wonder why that behemoth hasn’t died eons ago. Just the thought of her makes me puke. The next step to good health is 1,000 push-ups, 1,000 weight-lifts, and beating up 1,000 Krewmen. Or at least as many until you think you’ve done enough.

Toru shook her head and told herself, “I can’t get distracted. I need to find something that could be useful.” She noticed bookmarks were placed within various sections and decided to briefly skim them. She read an article about the Firstborn Quest, one about the White Fang… and a section labeled “Born Anew.”

Planet Hyrule; three years ago

A part of me wonders why I haven’t heard about this planet before. A world that resembles Ancient Hyrule should’ve been all over the news. Yet, it has been here for ages, even though I feel like it had just appeared. But I didn’t question it too much. When my Krewmen explored the Dark Lands of this world, they discovered an amazing species: Chimera Ants. These ants captured various monsters and animals and brought them to their Queen, and after eating them, she would birth more ants with traits that resembled those monsters. After we allowed the queen to eat some of our Krewmen, we determined that the resulted hybrids possess the same personalities as the Kremlings. Their souls were reborn in new bodies.

Eventually, this Queen would give birth to an Ant King, who would be the strongest of them all. We kept watch on the Queen, waiting until the perfect moment. Afterwards, I would allow the Queen to devour me, so my conscience would be reborn anew! However, I hesitated to lose my superior reptilian form. That is why I captured the elusive Chameleonian, a creature that can take any animal form. If both of us were eaten together, my soul may be reborn with its morphing abilities. It was a chance I was willing to take.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Kroctus?” Klammy asked me. “You’re practically giving up your life! What if this ‘Ant King’ isn’t born with your soul at all? It might become an entirely new creature, not my brother!”

“Either I die from my decreased lifespan or my strength gets transferred to an even greater creature.”

“Well, I refuse to accept that creature as my king! Kroctus, why do you never consider MY feelings in these insane decisions?! Wanting to control the Leptys, wanting to become an Ant King, and both plans involve killing yourself! I don’t want to lose you again, Kroctus. It still feels empty without Kruckers around. He was dimwitted, but he always livened the mood.”

“Then why did you help me research this species in the first place?”

“Well, I…I would hate for you to die long before I did, so if there was even a slim chance this could save you… Eh, I don’t know, anymore.” Klammy bowed his head, trying to hold back his earnest tears.

I tipped his jaw up to face me. “If I am the true Animal King, then my willpower will dominate and be reborn. I will return, brother.”

“W-Wait wait, we don’t gotta do this!” pled the Chameleonian, who had taken Diddy Kong’s form. “You got the wrong guy, I’m not a chameleon, I’m Diddy! I’m Diddy!”

“Is it time, yet?” I asked the Queen.

“Yes, Lord Kroctus…” replied the massive insect, her bottom bulging a bright green. “My son… will be here any moment. I must consume your strength now… before it’s too late.”

I approached her, holding the squirming animal up. “Then feast!”

“W-Wait! I’m Pikachu!” The Chameleonian transformed. “Pika-Pika! Pika—CHAAAAAAHHH!” And that was the last form it had taken.

Klammy turned his head from the feeding. It must’ve been a horrid sight, your own brother being munched into pieces. It was quite painful, but that was a minor nuisance. She made sure to devour every part of me, until I became one with her unborn son.

“UUUUURRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” With a blinding light, her womb opened. Klammy could barely see what transpired, only a bulky mass ripping apart the womb, resulting in the Queen’s demise.

The ground shook as the mass stomped across the slime. “Is that you… Kroctus?”

It seemed like me, yet it didn’t feel like me. My body… felt different. I stared at my scaly hand, willing it to morph into green fur. My whole body became a gorilla’s. Klammy stared in awe as I transformed into a lion, an eagle, a gopher, and a giraffe before returning to my true form. “MWAH HA HA HA! I feel GREAT!” I punched myself in a joyful manner. “I feel stronger than ever! I feel like I can go four more decades! Klammy, it’s time to give the universe a little surprise! MWEH HEH HEH HAR!”

My ability to transform into animals allowed my Conqueror’s Haki to influence the respective species even more. That was my prime reason for fusing with the Chameleonian. Of course, I was always more attached to my true form, so I only used that in combat. But because of my newfound strength, I was able to learn Golden Haki. Sadly, my weak spots hadn’t gone away. Still, I felt like I could take on anything with this new breath inside me! I didn’t yet know how I would make my comeback, but I would in time.

Current time

“Chimera Ants… wow.” Toru wondered if any operatives knew about this secret. “…Hey, he’s got a computer, too! Maybe I can send an email to my team.” She closed the diary and set it to its original position before running toward the large computer. Even the screen and keyboard were larger than usual, and the pads had indents created by Kroctus’s claws. “Darn it! I can’t get in without a password! Even if I could make wild guesses, it might block me from signing in if I get too many wrong, and then he’ll get suspicious.”

“I’m turning in for the night, boys!” Toru gasped, horrified at the thundering voice outside. She quickly turned the screen off and ran to a corner.

The shutter-door opened as King Kroctus marched in. “Enjoy your rest, Your Scaliness!” a Krusha said.

The door sealed, secluding K. Rool from the rest of the base. “Aaaahhh… I say I got a lot accomplished today. Time for a nice bath and a good night’s rest. …But not before I check my emails!” The king giddily plopped his behind at the computer desk and signed in. For a minute, Toru considered tiptoeing up and seeing if there were anything of interest… but even if she could conceal her aura, the king could probably sniff her out.

K. Rool signed into his account, [email protected]. “Oh, how delightful! Littlecharmer24 updated his story! Heh heh heh har… This will be fun to read after my bath.” He left it on that screen as he marched into his private bathroom.

Seeing this as her chance, Toru returned to the desk. It seemed that “littlecharmer24” was a fanfiction writer. There were other emails from ManfredReaper and majorMonstros, but Toru wouldn’t bother looking into those.

She clicked “Compose” and entered “[email protected].” She quickly typed a message to Mr. Aizawa. Naturally, she couldn’t send one from her own email without K. Rool wondering why he was signed out of his own account, but an email from K. Rool’s account would still prompt her teacher to read it. “There. Sent. Now I have to clear the evidence.” She went to the ‘Sent’ folder and erased the email from its history. She then set the screen back to the way it was.

“The question is, should I stay here and keep an eye on Eri, or try to find someplace safe until backup comes.” Toru approached the balcony window, considering the latter. She had a view of the ocean from here, and the Kommanders’ ships were sailing away.

Scales boarded the Triassic Terror, a galleon with steel-colored sails and wings, with the animated figurehead of a roaring horned dinosaur. Fredrik’s ship was the Snowmad of Snowhere, with a walrus figurehead and icicles growing from it. The Helmaroc King flew into a flying ship called the Forsaken Float, which used a massive inner-tube to float and moved with rowing wing oars. Moge-ko’s ship was the Mogeko Kremlin, a metallic vessel with a Mogeko-headed tower.

“No, I should stay here. The others won’t forgive me if I just abandon Eri. But I…I’m so tired.” Toru limped to a corner of the room and sat down. “I have to find someplace to rest… someplace hidden.”

Unfortunately, King K. Rool finished his bath. “Even we animals need the finer things in life. Now, should I turn in for the night? …Eh, I have time for a quick chapter.” So, he returned to his computer and began to read.

Mmmm… ’Guess I won’t be resting anytime soon. Toru mentally moaned.

Sector U.A.

After the battle, the U.A. operatives were asked to get some rest. Any injured operatives had their wounds treated, but the pirates responsible for the fires unfortunately made their escape.

“They lost track of Eri’s ship?!” Deku shouted at Iida.

“I wish I could tell you otherwise, but they vanished into hyperspace.” the Sector Leader replied in a calm, yet concerned tone. “Moonbase has been trying to track Miss Hagakure with the Code Module, but it’s come up empty. Either she has left the planet or she’s concealing her chi to hide from enemies.”

“Based on my research, it might actually be both.” Momo said. “Those pirates were wanted criminals from Planet Mobius. Although they’re listed as B-rank criminals, they’re subordinates of the Kremling Krew.”

“The Kremling Krew… Isn’t the Brotherhood allied with them?” Deku asked, connecting the dots.

“They are. That makes them extremely dangerous. And Toru’s combat experience is average at best. If she gets discovered, it’ll be the end for her.”

“I wish I knew that before throwing her onto the ship! !” Ochaco panicked.

“Remind me how Toru even passed the Entrance Exam?” Bakugo asked snidely.

“You really ought to be more supportive in these situations.” Tsu said.

“Do not forget that Toru is technically naked.” Mineta reminded them. “She may have a tiny chance of survival if her captors submit her to rather unsavory things.”

“And you probably shouldn’t speak.”

“Everyone.” Attention was directed to Mr. Aizawa, who was holding up his phone. “I’ve just received an email from Hagakure.”

“Is she okay?!” Ochaco exclaimed.

“Just come and see this for yourself.”

Nearly all the students rammed into each other as they crowded around the phone, eager to know the current condition of their friend. The email contained a lot of content, but it was written in a rushed fashion.

From: King Krusha

Subject: From Toru Hagakure

Those pirates took me to King K. Rool’s hideout and I’m sending this using his email. The ship I was on flew through hyperspace and landed on an ocean afterward. When I looked over I saw a bunch of other ships and I figured out these belonged to his Kommanders. (For some reason auto-correct spells it that way on this computer.) Before the horn blew I heard the captain yell “Set a course for Mobius!” I’m not actually sure if I’m on Planet Mobius or something but I noticed the fortress has a bridge connected to one of those old-timey Japanese buildings.

They’re still keeping Eri alive as far as I know, but they’re trying to force her horn to grow and giving her sleeping drugs. It sounds like their plan is…

“To revert Mobians to an infant mentality so he can control them?!” Deku exclaimed.

“The ‘K’ in K. Rool must stand for ‘Krazy.’” Tsu remarked.

“It doesn’t matter what his evil plans are or how bad his spelling is!” Iida declared passionately. “We MUST go to K. Rool’s fortress and rescue them!”

“Don’t be so hasty.” Aizawa stated. “I want to save her as much as you do, but there’s still a lot we don’t know. And since this email came from K. Rool’s account, we’ll blow her cover if we try to reply to her.”

“We aren’t even sure where on Mobius she is.” Ochaco replied. “All we have to go on is their base is close to some Japanese buildings, on a coast.”

“I tried looking those up and found this.” Momo said, presenting a computer created from her being. The small device displayed an image of a mountainous region with red Japanese buildings built into the thin peaks. “The Gigan Rocks are ancient ruins that lie in a mountain range close to the sea. According to news reports, travelers haven’t been able to go there due to bands of thugs making it their hangout.

“That has to be where Eri is! Let’s go to Mobius and rescue her!” Deku declared.

“Do you even know who K. Rool is?” Aizawa asked. “He’s recognized across the galaxies as a Pirate Emperor, meaning he’s one of the most dangerous criminals in the universe. If we get in a fight with him, there’s a very high chance we would lose. We could ask other sectors to help us, but that will leave their towns vulnerable to villain attacks.”

“Besides, if we cause too much of a scene,” Tsu inferred, “they could quickly move Eri to another location.”

“Why don’t we tell the Mobian government about K. Rool’s secret base?” Ochaco asked. “If he’s planning to attack the planet, they need to know.”

“Absolutely.” Iida agreed. “The GKND should be contacted about this for starters, and they could take matters in alerting the Mobian government.”

“There’s still a chance the Kremlings could have Eri taken away.” Deku stated. “Maybe before K. Rool catches on to the invasion, we can sneak into the base and try to rescue her. We’ll take them by surprise, and if they try to take Eri somewhere else, Toru can delay them somehow. I know it seems like a long shot, but we have to try.”

“Normally I would shoot down such a reckless plan… but at the same time, you’re probably right.” Aizawa replied. “Even so, I don’t think we’ll be able to infiltrate the stronghold without getting in a fight. But I think a smaller invasion won’t prompt K. Rool into moving Eri. If he hopes to see his plan through, he’ll need to act fast by that time, or the Mobians will be ready to counteract. With that said, we’ll need the right heroes to take with us.”

“Well, off the bat, I think Koji’s Quirk can be a real big help!” Ochaco beamed. “He can control animals, and the Kremlings are all animals, right?” Koji blushed at her recommendation.

“And in the event we encounter K. Rool,” Aizawa began, “I can prevent him from using his Haki. Then it would be up to figuring out the weak spots that Toru mentioned. Either way, escaping from him takes priority over damaging him.”

“You know, I’ve been trying to contact my father ever since the kidnapping.” Shoto said. “He would honestly be a major help in this. But… neither my family nor the office have seen him all day.”

Somewhere outside the atmosphere

“Ho hoo hoo HOO!” Deadpool laughed. “Abducting a top dog hero! Ain’t this the score of the century!”

“Uuuuuugh…” Endeavor, a muscular man with red hair, moaned sickly on his chi-cuffed chair.

“Relax, buddy boy, I ain’t your assassin today. I’m just the delivery boy. Old Kroctus knows you heroes are gonna wanna shot at his head, so I gotta confuse them a little. But don’t worry! You’ll get your chance at him in about 15 chapters from now. He wants to put on a show for his would-be kingdom.”

Hyrule; Lomei Labyrinth

Two Lizalfos charged at Cheren with metal boomerangs in hand. Blindfolded, Cheren saw the aura of the Lizalfos swing their weapons, giving him leeway to dodge them and strike back. “Ah, that’s another two down. And I bet there’s a treasure chest that-away!” He turned down a right path.

Lomei was a massive maze built atop a snowy mountain, with its Goal Point in the center. It was visible behind a cage from the entrance, but a special path would be required to find it. Bisky tasked Cheren with finding all the treasures, including minor items inside boxes, and killing all the demons, while being blindfold and shirtless of course. Those treasures also included flags that Bisky had stuck onto the walls of the maze at different heights, forcing Cheren to climb up the solid surfaces to retrieve them. Still, she had to admit, he was grasping the basics of Observation Haki a lot sooner than she thought he would. Still, this would only be the beginning of his new development…

Speaking of which, Bisky sensed Panini prancing up to her in a rage. “Ay’m gonna take a wild guess and say Cheren is lost in this maze.”

“I’m gonna take a wild guess and say you have more bad news to report.” Bisky remarked.

“Yes! Sector W was sent on a mission, but they haven’t come back! Rainbow Monkey Island was surrounded by Kremling ships, so we think they were captured. You know our cousins are in that sector!”

“Then you better send a rescue party or something.”

“…Just spill it, Bisky. What kind of sick game are you playing?”

“I already told you, my goal is to train Cheren to be a worthy leader. This training isn’t just to teach him Haki… it’s to teach him resolve. As long as he remains here, he’ll be blissfully unaware of any unfortunate happenings to his operatives. But if he truly cares and wishes to return to them, he will sense that something is wrong. That will be the ultimate test of his Haki.”

“That’s your excuse, is it? Well, let me say this: Ay don’t fancy lettin’ ya carry on without some sort of bribe.”

“Sigh. How many Rupees do you want?”

“Not THAT kind of bribe! Ay mean a good old Fire Punch to the face. For every operative that’s reported missing or in danger during Cheren’s absence, Ay get to take my anger out on you. And you can’t defend yourself, capiche?!”

Bisky sighed again. This was an unnecessary complication to her plan, but as long as it would keep Cheren in the dark… “Very well. Have at it.”

So, Panini put full furry in her fist and lay the punches. “HYYYAH!”

Kind of felt like applying my current condition to how Toru is feeling right now. X) Not actual sickness, but just feeling so exhausted, yet forcing yourself to stay awake and focus on your task. Poor girl hasn’t had any real development in MHA, but this story presented a good chance to give her some. Plus, in terms of power scaling, it’s always fun how a super weak hero fairs in the presence of a much higher level villain, which is something we got from Akko and Sherry, albeit this situation is much different.

…

…

Okay, that chapter was short, so here’s a bonus one-shot! This one-shot was made as a tribute to Banjo-Kazooie’s invitation to Super Smash Bros.!!! We’re SO glad to have you back, Banjo!!

Coruscant; Heaven’s Arena, Year 2035

The audience was raving at the sight of the fallen Goron giant, his boulder body denting the floor like a crater. His conqueror had been a tall, slender woman in sleek black clothes. “What a spectacular performance by our lovely witch, Bayonetta!” the announcer, The Riddler spoke.

“This lug wasn’t even a challenge!” Bayonetta retorted. “Can’t you give me something a little bigger?”

“That won’t be necessary, Milady. In acknowledgement of your superb winning streak, we have invited a VERY special contestant!”

“Yooka, this must be it!!” exclaimed a purple bat in the audience, shaking her chameleon friend. “He’s coming, he’s coming!”

“I know, Laylee! It’s gotta be Mr. Banjo! …! THERE HE IS!”

“Indeed, this duo is an Avalaran legend, two of the greatest KND operatives of all time! Rumor has it that they turned down the offer to join Galactic Kids Next Door.”

With anticipation, everyone faced the opposite entrance. Bayonetta was eager to meet her next match, yet found herself… dissatisfied. In walked a large, brown bear with a long face, marching on his hind legs and clothed in yellow shorts and a blue backpack. The audience, however, erupted with more cheers than they had shown Bayo. “THAT’S RIGHT, FOLKS! It is none other than the witch-slaying duo, BANJO AND KAZOOIE!” The red bird in question peeped out of Banjo’s backpack.

“BANJO-KAZOOIE! BANJO-KAZOOIE!”

“So, you’re the reason the stands are so full today!” Bayonetta deduced. “Why would anyone be excited over a pair of sapient animals? Seriously, we have a whole planet of them! There’s even a few in the audience!”

“Didn’t you hear what that guy just said, lady?!” Kazooie asked. “We’re professional Witch Slayers!”

“Well, uh, that’s not quite accurate, Kazooie.” Banjo said sheepishly. “We only got that title because of Gruntilda.”

“Enough talkin’, get back to fighting!” a short man named Enzo yelled. “C’MON, Bayonetta, turn those two into rugs!!”

“And while this exciting combat commences,” began Riddler, “I will happily share with you the tale of how Banjo-Kazooie earned their fame!” And so, the announcer turned on the stereos, and an energetic banjo was playing.

Banjo and Kazooie gave Bayonetta a sharp glare, while she merely returned a smirk. The witch charged at them and swiped her leg with terrific might!

Spiral Mountain, Year 1998

“D’OH/DAG!” The bear and bird were thrown forcefully out of the silo, bouncing violently along the ground.

“No way you lazy dolts are passing CND Training with that slapdash performance-huptup!” yelled Jamjars, a brown mole in a green soldier’s uniform. “Come back when you master the basics-tup!” With a leap, Jamjars dove back into the silo, the hatch closing.

The buddy duo rubbed their aching heads. “Gawrsh, Kazooie, I didn’t expect CND to be so hard.”

“Banjo, I swear if you say ‘gawrsh’ one more time, I’m gonna peck your brains out. Seriously, you’re not freaking Goofy!”

“Okay, I’ll stop.”

“Hiya, Banjo. Hi, Kazooie.” Another mole peeped out of a red mound of soil behind them. He had goggles and a red patterned shirt. “Training didn’t go very well, I take it?”

“Not really, Bottles. We were up against some really tough cadets in the combat training. At least the vehicle construction was fun.”

“Why do you want to go into combat, anyway?”

“Because Big Boy here can’t do anything else.” Kazooie remarked.

“Neither can you, Kazooie!”

“Anyway, I thought this would happen,” Bottles said, “but you shouldn’t give up just yet, Banjo! I made a training course just for you two! I may not be good at combat, but that doesn’t mean I can’t teach you a few basic moves. Then you can pick up more once you’re in training!”

“I hope these moves will actually be useful, Bogeyes.” Kazooie remarked.

“You’re the one who’ll have to make herself useful, Feather Brain!”

…

To practice his jumping, Bottles lined up a stairway of tree trunks. The first set was simple for Banjo’s legs alone, but his attempts to jump the large gaps were rewarded with smashing into the ground. “Kazooie, when Banjo jumps, try to flap your wings to give him an extra boost.”

“Uhh-wheeee!” Following Bottles’ instruction, Kazooie rapidly flapped her wings to help them cross the large gaps, but Banjo’s weight overcame her and they both fell again.

Just as they lie after another painful fall, heads spinning, a little girl bear with blonde pigtails raced up in an excited manner. “Banjo, why are you playing with Bottles?!” She jumped in place impatiently. “You said you would take me on an adventure!”

“Guh, sorry, Tooty. Training didn’t go very well, so Kazooie and I need extra practice if we’re gonna catch up.”

“Fine, you big lazy brother! I’ll go exploring by myself!!” The flustered little sister scampered off.

After a while, Banjo and Kazooie were able to perfect the Double Jump, but now they had to climb high platforms up a taller tree. Banjo crouched down, and as he thrusted up and jumped, Kazooie stretched her wings and bent back to perform the Flap Flip.

…

The duo performed a nimble Flap Flip to dodge Bayonetta’s kick, and once above the witch, they counterattacked with a Ground Pound. The witch was forced into the floor, but she recovered quickly, grabbed Banjo’s backpack, and hurled them to the arena wall. She ran for the next attack, only to be stabbed by the Beak Barge attack!

“Little did Tooty know that she was in for more than she bargained on this adventure.” Riddler continued. “As we soar to the tallest tower on Spiral Mountain, we meet our wicked antagonist!” To add emphasis, he controlled a camera outside the tower. It was displayed on the screens as the camera flew up and up the tower, going into a window.

…

In an almost seamless transition, the camera glided into Gruntilda’s Lair. The wicked witch was wiggling her fingers over a gray cauldron with a face. “Dingpot Dingpot, by the bench! Find me a lovely little wench.”

“There are many beauties in this world, like Bernadette, the eldest Cavendish girl.”

“Oh, how I’d LOVE to suck her beauty, but I’ll need a good test subject for this duty.”

“Then how about Tooty, this little bear?” The green ooze displayed a vision of the bear wandering the mountain. “She lives down the mountain, just over there.”

“A lovely bear, she will do! Lardmaster! I have need of you.” A broomstick with a face swooped in as Grunty hopped on. “I will find this little pretty, and make her ugly, what a pity! RAAAAKAHAHAHAHA!”

Tooty played a little song on her piccolo as she carefreely skipped up the mountain. She was high enough to where she could see Bottles’ training ground. It appeared Kazooie was shattering small boulders with her beak by thrusting out of her backpack. “Rakahahahaha!”

“Huh? What’s that?” Tooty faced up at the sky and saw a dark-green streak cutting across the mountain. Whatever this thing was, it seemed to be flying straight for her!

“Stay right there, my little bear! You’re coming straight up to my lair!”

“AAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!”

While in the middle of practicing the Rat-a-Tat Rap, the buddy duo heard a familiar cry in the distance. “Kazooie, that sounded an awful lot like Tooty.”

“She’s probably faking it. Give us the next target, Bottles, I’m on a good streak!”

“No, look up there, you guys!” Bottles panicked, adjusting his goggles to zoom in on a flying thing. “It’s the witch that lives up the mountain, Gruntilda! She’s holding Tooty by the hair!”

“Tooty?! Kazooie, we have to save her!” Banjo bolted up the mountain immediately.

“You guys, wait!” Bottles dug underground and quickly burrowed in their direction. Partway up the mountain, he popped out in front of them. “You can’t just chase after Grunty! She’s a big business tycoon who’s really famous in the supervillain market. All kinds of baddies buy things from her. And besides, you’ve barely started training. Let’s call one of the other sectors to save Tooty.”

“You expect me to wait and let Grunty boil her alive?!”

“If you wanna train us some more, you can do it on the way! Come on, Banjo, hurry up!” Kazooie yelled.

“G-Guys, wait!” Bottles called to no avail as his friends were scurrying up the mountain. “Ohhh… this is gonna be a long day.”

The duo made it near the top, going up the titular Spiral Mountain in the middle of a moat. At the peak of the winding mountain, a rickety bridge stretched to the gaping mouth of Gruntilda’s Lair. A replica of the witch’s head, the entrance gazed at them with emerald eyes. They could feel an unsettling air as they crossed the bridge, drawing closer to the dark lair. They passed Gruntilda’s teeth and entered.

…

Bayonetta summoned a dark serpent from a portal, SNAPPING its teeth over Banjo. “’Bet you’ve never seen THIS level of darknessbending!” However, they broke out of the snake’s grasp, Kazooie shielding Banjo with golden wings. The angered witch conjured and attacked them with a barrage of giant demonic arms, but the duo’s Wonder Wing made them invincible, for they hadn’t budged an inch! She decided to lunge at them directly with a swipe of her arm. The Wonder Wing had worn out just then, and it seemed that Bayonetta sliced them in two—in truth, Kazooie leapt out of Banjo’s backpack! The bear imbued the pack with Haki and WHACKED the witch, and then Kazooie shot her in the head with rock solid blue eggs.

“Banjo’s journey begins as he embarks on a noble quest to save his sister! Why, it was so noble that Nintendo decided to rip off this very plot when designing Zelda: The Wind Waker. Why, one could even theorize that Tooty is the reincarnation of Link’s sister, but muah hahahaha, that’s ridiculous.”

…

Gruntilda threw Tooty into a mechanical chamber, which was part of a pair, and she was sealed inside. “Now, with Tooty, I will test my beauty machine, it is the best!” She entered the other chamber. “Hurry, Klungo, press that switch. It’s time to become a pretty witch!”

Klungo, a short ogre in a white lab coat, tapped buttons on a keyboard. “Hurrr… Problem, Missstressss Grunty. Glitchessss in machine.”

“Bah! You wretched oaf.” She stomped out. “I oughta send you to the goaf! Fix it by the day’s end, or Grunty will turn you to a hen!”

“Let me out of here, you fat hag!” Tooty banged on the chamber. “Or my brother will come and kick your butt!”

“Rescue you he would not dare. There’s many dangers in my lair. Ah, but there he is, the fun begins!” She noticed the bear on a security camera. “My tricks and traps will see who wins. RAK KAHAHAHAHA!”

…

“Banjo, I thought we were gonna save Tooty!” Kazooie stated after they went outside. “Why did we go outside?”

“I didn’t go back, we should still be in the lair! …But I didn’t think… there would be a whole mountain in here.”

They were staring perplexed at a steep mountain, giant termites and purple Grublins wandering the area. Bottles dug out of the ground and explained, “Banjo, Gruntilda uses powerful magic to create artificial landscapes inside her massive lair. She does this by collecting materials from real settings. After all, you can’t make something from nothing.”

“But why would she do all this?”

“Word is, she uses these worlds to give homes to homeless people, but they have to work for her in return. It’s not worth it if you ask me.”

“HEY!” They heard a whistle. “Over here! Help!” They saw a nearby platform with a purple, beaked creature in a cage. Banjo-Kazooie hopped up to the platform.

“Are you another prisoner of Gruntilda?” Banjo asked.

“Yes! Grunty captured a ton of people from the Jinjo Tribe. These cages are designed to suck our magic power into little containers.”

“We’ll get you out! Stand back a bit.” He ducked and had Kazooie deal a Rat-a-tat Rap, shattering the cage bars!

…

Kazooie ran laps around Bayonetta with breakneck speed, the witch struggling to stomp her with giant demonic legs, and after one failed attempt, Kazooie vanished! “Bayo, above you!” Enzo yelled, the witch facing up: Kazooie had leapt all the way to the ceiling, but the fact had distracted Bayo enough for Banjo to envelop the witch in his backpack. Bayonetta shook in the pack as Banjo swung it around and threw it toward Kazooie. The witch escaped the Infi-Space pack, but was met with a Bill Drill to the face!

…

“Banjo, these should make the feathered freak a lot more useful!” Bottles said, dropping a bunch of Blue Eggs and red and gold feathers down. “Kazooie’s a Breegull. Breegulls can store a ton of these eggs inside their bodies and shoot them for ammunition. These Red Feathers can enhance their wings to make them carry heavy loads, and the Gold Feathers can create an unbreachable shield.”

“Hah! And Banjo gets nothing! Hear that, buddy, I’m my own arsenal!”

“I guess you’re right, Kazooie. In that case, you can climb this tower and fight all of Grunty’s minions yourself.”

“Eh, b-but I’ll let you tag along and share the glory. I’m nice like that!”

“Nice save, Chicken.” Bottles remarked.

In order to ascend the steep slopes of Mumbo’s Mountain, the duo had to perfect the Talon Trot, wherein Kazooie carried Banjo up the slopes, though she slipped down a few times while trying to keep her legs steady. The Blue Eggs fit easily down her throat, though hacking them back out at a good enough speed to be used as a bullet was the real challenge. There were a great many techniques to be learned in such a short amount of time. On their own free time, they would’ve already called it a day, but they didn’t have that luxury with Tooty’s life on the line. The weight of the situation filled them with more stamina and focus than they’ve ever felt before, until eventually, they could utilize their moves as if they were second nature.

…

Banjo grabbed Kazooie and stretched her like a gun, and Bayonetta grabbed her own twin guns. They rotated around the arena, shooting Dark Bullets and Ice Eggs. Any stray shots would hit the force-field protecting the audience. “Resilient Banjo and Kazooie ascended floor after floor of Grunty’s Tower of Tragedy! He spent days—nay, YEARS—in his arduous quest to rescue his sister!” Riddler spoke with enthusiasm.

“It only took a day!” Banjo yelled.

“A DAY, ladies and germs, THAT’S how mighty and brilliant our great Banjo is! But his brilliance would be put to the test, facing an endless slew of riddles concocted by the devious Gruntilda! With each challenge Banjo-Kazooie conquered, they traversed another layer up the tower, no different than what they are doing in this very tower! Of course, Heaven’s Arena is all about brawn than brain. If I were in charge of this tower, things would be quite different. But before he knew it, just as his brains were all but fried, he set foot on the top of the tower, and faced off with Gruntilda.”

Banjo returned Kazooie to the backpack. Bayonetta rushed in for another direct attack, but the Breegull stretched her wings and lifted Banjo to the ceiling!

…

Banjo-Kazooie leaped to the top of the tower, a gate sealing the way down. “I can’t believe that furry pair got right up here, it’s so unfair! But now the stupid bear must fight; this battle tests your skill and might! Rakahahahaha!” Gruntilda flew her broom in circles above the tower, and without warning, swooped to and fro along the ground, ramming Banjo with deadly force. They struggled to get a focus on her, but when they anticipated her trajectory, they shot an egg directly into her face, bending Gruntilda’s chin as she briefly bumped along the ground.

…

From the air, Kazooie coughed a barrage of Grenade Eggs at Bayonetta, the witch nimbly dodging. She formed dark butterfly wings and flew up as well, pursuing the duo in attempt to kick them with Demon Legs. Kazooie flapped forcefully and pulled backwards, shooting Fire Eggs to distract the witch. They lined their selves up, curled into a ball, and “Yuh-oh!” launched toward Bayonetta with a devastating Beak Bomb!

…

“EEEEHHK!” The Beak Bomb crashed right into Grunty’s back, flinging the witch 10 meters away, but her trusty broomstick caught her. She drew her Haglock wand (shaped like a gun) and shot explosive meteor spells behind her. The bear and bird dodged the fireworks and eventually centered her in their vision. With another “Yuh-oh,” the Beak Bomb flew forth—Grunty dodged, and they missed! The witch whirled her Haglock and summoned her Magnet Spell, a fan-like energy ball that homed in on the duo. They tried to make land in time to use the Wonder Wing, but the spell made impact, severely zapping the duo.

…

Bayonetta KICKED the Beak Bomb like a soccer ball, and they CRASHED into the barrier, painfully bouncing around the arena! “D’OH!” “DAG! Rawk, rawk!” “D’oh…” They lay separated on the floor after finally slowing to a halt, but it felt like their insides were rearranged.

Bayonetta landed and marched up to Banjo, cocking her gun. “You’re a has-been, you silly old bear! No matter what you are on your home planet, only the best are allowed to survive in THIS tower. All you’re good for is…?” Banjo flipped off his backpack and tucked himself inside it.

“Snoooore…shoooo…snoooore…shoooo…”

“You’re joking, right?” Bayo said, unimpressed. “You’re taking a nap. Did we interrupt your hibernation—OW!” She was zapped by three Battery Eggs!

Kazooie was zipping around the witch again, spitting more of the electrical eggs, the fastest in her gut! Bayonetta chased, shooting at the Breegull, but Kazooie’s speed was like lightning. “DAH!” The witch stepped on a Clockwork Kazooie the bird had dropped on the floor, exploding and blowing her back. She jumped back up to find Kazooie missing, for the Breegull had leapt into the air and lunged at Bayo with a Beak Bomb. “AAAGH!” The bomb impacted her at last, knocking her against the wall, and as Kazooie uncurled, she dove at her with a Bill Drill.

…

“A special shield I need to call, to stop your hits once and for all!” Gruntilda drew a Protego around herself. She continued to shoot meteor spells through the barrier, and she cackled at their pitiful attempts to Beak Bomb through. “Rakahahaha! My magic bubble, you will never pop, and Grunty’s plans, you’ll never stop—AAIIIEE!” A purple streak suddenly pierced the bubble and pecked Grunty!

“Banjo, we’re here to help!”

“The Jinjos?!” To their surprise, dozens of Jinjos were flying onto the sides of the tower. “How did you know we were up here?”

“We heard Gruntilda’s cackle from all the way down below. We Jinjos have the power to break magical shields, so leave this part to us!” The colorful creature whirled around the air, leaving trails of sparkles, and with the speed of jets, they punctured the wicked witch!

“NYAH! Those nasty pointy beaks are causing swelling in my cheeks!” She frantically cast her wand in random directions, missing the crafty Jinjos. “Useless Jinjos sneer and hoot, go back right now or taste my—BOOOOOT!” A strike from the bottom SNAPPED Grunty’s broom, the witch falling and bouncing onto one of the tower’s pegs.

“All together, guys!” Banjo called. “WHEEEEE!” Both he and Kazooie, and the entire swarm of Jinjos took to the sky. Gruntilda furiously cast spells, shooting down all the colored creatures she could, but they swarmed her like bees and stung her with far worse ferocity.

“AAACK!” A Jinjo bent her neck back at a right angle—another dislocated her right shoulder—her left knee was busted—her gut was compressed, yet Gruntilda’s furious will kept her conscious, spells flying and Jinjos falling. “Attack all you want, but no matter how much you try, KNOW THAT GRUNTY CAN NEVER DIE!!!”

…

Bayonetta GRABBED Kazooie by the neck, stopping the Bill Drill. “Very well! YOU can be the one to finish him!” She whipped around and SLAMMED the bird to the ground… but Banjo had vanished. “What? Where did that bear run off to…” She skimmed the arena in search of him, unaware of the little backpack waddling behind her. “WAAH!” Banjo sprouted out of the Shack Pack and trapped Bayonetta in it again, imbuing it with Haki as he smashed and bashed it against the floor and wall. Kazooie, having taken lessons from her Jinjo friends, used her Wonder Wing while zooming around the air, the golden feathers allowing her to fly with lightning speed!

…

The Jinjos finally halted, leaving her mangled body open to Banjo-Kazooie. The two curled into a Beak Bomb, spun around to build momentum, and BLAST! They struck Gruntilda like a cannonball, shattering her insides as she blew over the edge of the tower. “IT’S ALL OVER, I CAN TELL! But first I’ve got just ONE MORE SPELL!” Still clutching her wand, a Killing Curse was cast skyward, intending to hit the buddy duo, but a misdirected aim hit the side of the tower instead. That side severed from the top as boulders fell after Gruntilda. “EEEEEEEEHHHH…”

…

Bayonetta burst out of the backpack and stomped Banjo with a Demon Leg, but gasped at seeing Kazooie lunging toward her. She summoned a Demon Serpent that curled around the air and gnashed at the bird, but Kazooie dodged and pierced Bayonetta with a Golden Bill Drill! Banjo whipped his pack, knocking Bayo over while catching Kazooie, and they leapt over the witch and finished her off with one final Bill Drill!

“WHAT A COMEBACK!” Riddler cheered. “Let’s give it up for Banjo-Kazooie! Age hasn’t slowed this buddy duo down in the slightest!”

“BANJO-KAZOOIE! BANJO-KAZOOIE!”

“And as we head to our next match, I’ll treat you all to the next exciting chapter of Banjo’s tale! Fuming with a lust for revenge, Gruntilda returns and mercilessly murders-”

“THERE HE IS!” Riddler gasped and whipped around: the owner of the tower, Shy Mask, had appeared with some Pianta security guards. “That’s the LAST time I follow a fake tip about popsicles! THROW HIM OUT!”

“W-Wait! I have an inside man at Nintendo!” Riddler pled hopelessly as the buff guards began to drag him out. “He knows a secret code that can download Banjo to Smash early! It’s 846—s-stop, WAIT!”

“Ah, now that that’s out of the way,” Shy Mask took his seat, “ladies and germs, we’ve got a special debut bat—what’s this?!” Banjo-Kazooie were already on the center stage, taking in the audience’s praises. “I missed Banjo-Kazooie’s comeback battle?! NOOOOOOOOO!”

…

“You’re flippin’ my manhole-huptup!” Jamjars exclaimed, eyes popping out of his sunglasses. “This lazy duo actually defeated Gruntilda?!”

“I just KNEW you had it in you, Banjo!” cheered a fellow cadet, a 7-year-old red-haired girl named Chariot.

“What do you say, bro? Are they good enough to be operatives now?” Bottles asked.

“Of course they’re good enough!” Tooty cheered, hugging her brother. “Only true operatives can beat a big bad witch like Grunty! Banjo will do great!”

“Don’t forget about me! I did most of the work!” Kazooie stated.

“I do admit, Kazooie’s right. I kind of feel like I’m falling behind.” Banjo replied.

“Then that’s gonna hafta change-huptup! You’ll get nowhere with Bottles’ novice moves. Time for you to learn the advanced set!” Jamjars proclaimed.

…

Meanwhile, Gruntilda and King K. Rool had just witnessed the comeback battle at Hideout Helm. “Mweh heh har! I’m glad to see they haven’t slowed down in the slightest! Perhaps I may just challenge Banjo to a duel myself.”

“Heeehhh.” Gruntilda hissed, now a disembodied skull on an artificial body. “These two think they’re well and neat, but there’s ONE foe they could NEVER BEAT!”

Heaven’s Arena

“Hi, Banjo!” Hearing a familiar voice, the two turned: there stood Canary Mary, dancing in a cocky manner. “Since you’re all pumped up, fancy having a comeback race? I’ve been training for this day for years, and I’m faster than a Mobian hedgehog!”

“. . . . D’OOOHH.” Banjo-Kazooie dropped in despair as the “Game Over” music played. Grunty tasted their despair on the screen, and cackled to the heavens.

“RAKAHAHAHA HA HA HAAAAH, KA HA HA HAAA, hahaha!”

So, here’s a fun little story: when I was a kid and I pretended to go on make-believe KND adventures, I always pretended I was invited to KND after defeating Gruntilda, so that was kind of the inspiration with this backstory. I mean, I spent so many years trying to beat Banjo-Kazooie, so when I actually managed to make it to Gruntilda, it was such a bizarre and magical experience. There are few games that give me that feeling nowadays, few final bosses that feel so fulfilling to get to. I mean, she’s basically an early Riddler, with the way she taunts you throughout the game as you find her hundreds of collectibles! Also, the only reason Bayonetta’s in this is because I predict she’ll represent Grunty in Smash, though I do have some ideas with her.

Chapter Text

I have given a COMPLETE overhaul to this chapter! (get it ’cause Overhaul was a villain in MHA, who also captured Eri) I think it’s way more fun, and I included some additional U.A. students!

Hideout Helm

Eri’s horn was nearly three-fourths stretched to its full length. She felt nothing thanks to the drugs having numbed her senses, but even if she wanted to cry for help, she saw no point. No one but enemies were watching her, and they had no intention of freeing her. It might have been easier to submit to their experiments.

Her captivity was seen by Kroctus on his throne room hologram. The device made a ringing sound, and when the king answered it, Dr. Eggman’s hologram appeared. “Greetings, Kroctus. After analyzing the cells in the image your brother sent to me, I have made a rather intriguing discovery. Some time after the Firstborn Quest, I stumbled across an extremely rare creature known as a Time Demon.”

“A Time Demon? Do you mean like… Lord English?”

“No, it was nowhere near that powerful. A Time Demon is a creature that exists within time rifts. They typically show up when there are major distortions in the timeline, and I believe either Arceus or Rumpel Stiltskin’s actions resulted in that one appearing. Supposedly, these creatures are ordinarily harmless, though Time Spirits will work to subdue them if one ever gets out. When I examined Eri’s chronitons, I found they were extremely similar to those I extracted from the Time Demon. It’s highly possible that girl is a Time Demon in human form.”

“You mean the Kremling Krew has acquired yet another extremely rare species and I hadn’t even realized it? I’ll need to go see this for myself.” The Krock King left the chamber and marched downstairs. “KAMI! STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND COME TO THE LABORATORY!”

“I’M IN THE SHOWER!”

“You can finish later, just come!”

Against his wishes, however, Kami finished her shower before joining the king in the room where Eri was lain. K. Rool gestured to his brother to deactivate the claw, stroking his scaly finger over her tender forehead. “Is it true, child? Are you really a Time Demon?”

“T…T…Time Demon?” Eri repeated hoarsely.

“Well? Is that term familiar?”

“I…I don’t…mmmm…” Eri thought she felt scared, but her numbed senses made it impossible to tell. She chose to listen to her heart and say, “I just wanna go home. I wanna see Deku-san again.”

“You just want to see Deku, eh? Now, based on the Brotherhood’s reports… he looks like this, doesn’t he?” With that, Kroctus morphed into a green-skinned, naked version of Izuku Midoriya. Still eavesdropping, Invisible Girl nearly barfed at the sight, and Eri’s white pupils shrunk in horror.

He looked just like Izuku, same muscles, same hair, and same welcoming smile. “Hi, Eri-chan!” he greeted in a higher voice that K. Rool could barely manage. “It’s going to be alright. Just do what K. Rool says and I’ll treat you to ice cream later, okay?”

“AAAAAAAHHHH!” Anger rose to the top of Eri’s heart, struggling and failing to rip off the shackles. “STOP IT! STOP BEING DEKU-SAN! You’re nothing like Deku-san! Stop being Deku-san or else!”

K. Rool grabbed her head in both human hands. “Then stop acting defiant! Are you a Time Demon or not?!”

“I don’t know what that is! Let me go!”

“Perhaps memory is an issue. Kami, your Keyblade! See if you can unlock her hidden memories.”

“Why am I your fricking skeleton key…” a wet Kami mumbled before aiming the blade down at Eri’s forehead. A light seemed to leak as she punctured the child’s skull. Kami mentally told herself to unlock Eri’s memories, hoping the Keyblade would hear her command.

A brighter light erupted from the forehead, Eri’s eyes shooting wide open. Her horn seemed to fully erect as blue designs brimmed around her body. Kami and K. Rool gaped, surprised to have acquired such a result, but Toru was the most amazed of all. Yet, her amazement was mixed with even greater fear.

K. Rool gestured with his hand, and Klammy took it as a cue to activate the ‘Sucker.’ A tube designed like an elephant trunk lowered down and latched onto the horn, beginning to suck on it. Blue lights were seen flowing through the tube. “So, young one… are you a Time Demon?”

“…No.” Eri replied in a somber tone. “I am a tool.”

“HEY, YO, Krocky Man!” A black- and red-costumed antihero pounced the king’s back, sitting on his shoulders like a little kid. “I brought ya that Top Hero you wanted! Didn’t know where to set him, so I threw him on top of the porn mags!”

Kroctus punched Deadpool off, breaking his arm upon impact. “I suppose CP0 is worth the money I paid… discounting how annoying you are.”

“You want a discount, how about a little extra intel?” Deadpool stretched himself up and tapped his noggin. “A little migraine told me some colorful little heroes are on their way to this pretty little base.”

“Some… heroes?” Eri heard.

“Kroctus, that can’t be a coincidence.” Klammy stated. “They could be KND operatives who discovered our location somehow. We should move the base.”

“Hmmm…How long will it take to finish powering the Blast-O-Matic?”

“Well, we’re collecting a hefty amount of Time Chi from this girl, and assuming the emotionbender cooperates, approximately six hours.”

“Then if this group decides to stroll by here, they will make excellent test subjects! We’ll use them as guinea pigs and set sail afterwards.”

“How big is their party, anyway? Unless they were unaware of your status as an Emperor, they should bring a formidable force.”

“Indeed.” Kroctus stroked his chin, fascination brimming in his eyes. “Whether they know I’m on this planet or they don’t… perhaps they underestimate the strength of their opponent. For now, keep the fortress docked. Alert the Krewmen patrolling the Gigan Rocks; there’s a chance they’ll try to take the scenic route to avoid stirring attention. As for you, Deadpool… how would you like an extension of your contract?”

“I say, SIGN ME UP, BUDDY!” The antihero squealed. “No way I wanna ditch this party before it gets good!” And besides… I have to find out if that girl is really…

Mobius; Gigan Rocks

The sky was painted a faint pink as the tip of the sun greeted the mountains, painting the Gigan Rocks in a serene light. The gentle roar of waterfalls echoed throughout the peaks.

“Are you certain you don’t need the rest of us to come, Mr. Aizawa?” Iida asked. Behind him were Denki, Yuga, Mezo, Ojiro, Kyoka, and Sato.

“I prefer if some of us remained behind to watch over things. But if we don’t return or report back in five days, inform the GKND and conduct an investigation.”

“Just a second, Aizawa!” yelled Vlad King. “Don’t think we’re gonna let YOUR class hog all the glory for this mission!”

“This isn’t a contest, Sekijiro. Besides, the rest of you need to try and get in touch with Mobius’s government.”

“Oh, we will. But even so, you’re gonna need a bit more firepower if you plan to face a Yonko. A few of my students are already raring to go!”

Aizawa, Deku, and the band of U.A. students who volunteered for this task calmly crossed up the mountain trail. Koji Koda, the Animal Telepath, sensed the voices of countless bugs and animals… and nearly all of them rung with malice.

A long, rope bridge would cross a trench and lead them to the base of Gigan Rocks. However, a wood gate locked the bridge. “Hey, little campers!” A brown bear Mobian jovially marched out, wearing a green hat and twirling some keys. “I’m Yogi Bear, the mountain ranger! Come to walk the Gigan Trail?”

“Uh…yes.” Aizawa replied suspiciously. “My class and I are on a field trip.”

“Yeah, we’re here to study the ancient ruins!” Mina beamed.

“Does this place have hot springs? Any beautiful ladies up there~?” Mineta asked.

“Eh he he! Well, it’s sure a nice place for a picanic, I tell ya what!” Yogi said. “Okay,” he gave his hat a flick and spun it around, “I’ll just open up this here gate and-”

BAM! A bullet struck the ground beside Mina.

“YO, WHAT THE FUCK?!” Mina jumped into Kirishima’s arms in a panic. Everyone faced up at the short cliff behind them: a short, yellowish bear with a blue bowtie peeked out, holding a shotgun.

“Duh-oh! I missed, Yogi!”

“BOO-BOO! I told you to wait for my signal!”

“I thought that WAS the signal, Yogi!”

“No, I was supposed to twirl the hat on my finger, not my head! Remember it next time, you dumb bear of average intelligence!”

Aizawa jumped and restrained the bear with binding tape. “They’re already onto us! Quick, through the gate!” He stole Yogi’s keys and opened the gate. As the heroes stormed over the bridge, several bears alongside Boo-Boo rose from the cliff and unloaded machineguns. One looked like a Carebear, another like Winnie-the-Pooh, and one like Baloo. Shoto raised a wall of ice to stop them from shooting up the bridge. “Class 1-B, take those gunners down!”

A pair of horns flew and knocked the guns out of the bears’ hands. “Oh, bother.” Pooh said.

Once successful, the horns returned to Pony, a blonde girl with wide, Prussian eyes and legs bent like a horse’s hind-legs. “Hey!” Yogi yelled, tearing his bands off. “Where did you kids come from?!”

“He’s up!” Pony panicked. “Get him, Jurota!”

“ROOOAAAR!” A huge, brown-furred, beast-like hero charged and swiped claws at Yogi. The quirky-looking bear proved to be just as deadly with his own claws, but he swiftly pulled a swiss army knife from his hat and sliced Jurota’s stomach.

“HEY!” Enraged by this tactic, Tetsutetsu socked Yogi with a metal fist, slamming him into the cliff. “No man or beast pulls a cheap trick like THAT in a fight!”

“YOGIIII!” Determined to avenge his friend, Boo-Boo jumped down, blasting twin machineguns. Tetsu easily blocked the bullets, leaving a cluster of brambles to envelop Boo-Boo, pricking and swinging him into the cliff.

“How could such poor animals be made to serve evil?” wept Ibara, a girl whose long green hair was made of such brambles. She spoke in a passionate, priestess-like voice. “May you find forgiveness in Celebi’s welcoming light.”

“Easy, Vine, we’re not trying to kill anybody, yet!” Pony said. “And I hope we won’t have to.”

“My dearest Jurota, you’re hurt! I shall fetch the first-aid immediately!”

“Chill, it barely scratched me! Let’s hurry before Class 1-A gets ahead of us!”

“NOW you’re talkin’!” Tetsu smashed open Shoto’s ice, uncovering the bridge. “You ready to go, girls?!”

“YEAH!” The remainder of Class 1-B charged forward bravely. Their leader, Itsuka Kendo, led them across the bridge. She had spiky, ponytailed orange hair, a turquoise qipao that let her thick arms hang free, and a dark mask that highlighted her sharp eyes. “Wait, where did Kinoko go?!” But said eyes fell to panic at the realization that one of their teammates was absent.

“I used my horns to fly her across the trench!” Pony answered, galloping on her hooves.

“She was really determined to work with Mineta, huh?” asked Kodai, a soft-spoken dark-haired girl.

“What does she even see in that weirdo…” Reiko said drolly. She was a silver-haired in a pale-purple kimono, her arms angled up to make the typical “zombie” posture.

“You’re calling him a weirdo?” Tetsu whispered.

Once the vanguard class reached the mountains’ base, it became clear that any plan for a cautious approach had gone out the window. A platoon of Kasplats confronted them, blue-scaled Kremlings with black vests, sunglasses, and high endurance. “Don’t waste your strength.” Mineta told them. “Leave ’em to us. Huuuu…” He reached for his grape hair and, “huhuhu!” threw a single grape on each of the Kasplats’ shoes. The Kremlings looked with confusion and laughed at his pitiful attack… “KOOSPLAT?!” But then purple mushrooms suddenly grew from the grapes, gluing them to the ground.

“You like our new mushrooms?” A girl in a red mushroom costume, white polka-dots, and brown bangs covering her eyes smirked atop a mushroom platform. “I designed that brand to adapt with Mineta’s grapes. Thanks to me, they’re tons stickier!”

“Kremlings, you have the honor of being the first villains to fall to Grape Fungus!” Mineta boasted.

“Sweet teamwork, but gross name!” Mina gave a thumbs-up of approval.

“LOOK OUT!” Bakugo alerted them to a storm of Orange Grenades, combusting into a cloud of fire. The grenades came from above a wide stairway to the next mountain layer. A squad of Klumps lined the top of the stairs, obese pink Kremlings in military gear. “You call those booms?! I’ll show YOU booms!” Bakugo blasted up the stairs and KO’ed the Kremlings. “HAH! This is the big bad pirate crew?! These pirates are chu-”

A rotund, yellow, reptilian creature rammed Bakugo off the stairs before retreating. “What was that?!” Kirishima ran up first, seeing this creature, Mugly, had spikes on its back. “Heh! You wanna fight?!” Kirishima opened his arms and hardened himself as the beast charged. As he expected, its small nostril horns couldn’t puncture his stone skin. Kirishima grabbed the beast and threw it to Tetsu, who bashed it away like a baseball. “Hey, what took you so long?”

“Shut it, Stoney! I get the next one!” Another, similar creature came charging. It was Thugley, purple-skinned with back armor and a larger face horn. Tetsu ran headfirst, head hardened into steel. But while Thugly reeled back from the impact, “OOOW!” Tetsu suffered an injury to his own skull.

“Wait!” Kirishima realized Thugly’s horn was iron as well. “That thing knows Haki! But…” Smirking, he dashed for the reptile, Thugly charging once more. “I wonder if it’s stronger than Jinta’s?!” And once his rock-hard knuckles struck the horn, it went flying off as the beast fell unconscious.”

“Dammit, you stole my thunder!”

“There’s a cave up ahead.” Tokoyami pointed. “I’ll lead the way through here!” Dim lanterns lined the interior of the cave, but its darkness gave power to Tokoyami’s Dark Shadow. A bird made of darkness emerged from his frame and shredded up the Slippas and Klaptraps lurking inside.

“The cave branches off.” Aizawa observed. “Let’s divide and conquer. Any group who finds the best route, contact the others immediately.”

The heroes split into their respective classes and followed a route. Following 1-B at a slow rate, Reiko saw a swarm of Flipflap bats flapping her way. “The spirits are angry that you’ve made such a mess of their home.” Using her Poltergeist Quirk, she summoned Nature Spirits to pick up some fallen rocks and whack the bats out of the air. Further ahead, magical oil drums were summoning infinite hordes of Swoopies; long-beaked birds. Pony sent her horns to take the birds down, in which they magically disappeared upon defeat. Kodai ran up and touched the oil drums, using her Size Quirk to shrink them. The Swoopies came out tiny and harmless.

“What the heck are these things?!” Team 1-A was ambushed by a horde of Rockkrocs, stone Kremlings with red eyes. They were an easy match for Kirishima’s Quirk.

“You never know how many creatures are around you until they all turn hostile.” Froppy said as spiders lowered from the ceiling. Koda used his Anivoice to soothe the spiders’ hostile intention.

“They all have a domineering aura around them.” Koda said. “I think it’s K. Rool’s Haki. It’s interfering with my control of them.”

“Figures no flimsy telepath can match a pure bod of Gold Haki!” a country voice hissed.

Froppy tensed up, a pair of red eyes glaring from a dark passage. Rattlesnake Jake lunged out, teeth open—Deku PUNCHED the snake in the side, crashing him against the wall. “I-I-I-I almost died…” Froppy shuddered.

“Just breathe.” Deku held her in comfort. He glared at Jake. “You’re the one who kidnapped Eri. You better not have hurt her!”

“Blame that on the boss, not me! How did you kids even know to come here? You plant a trackin’ device on us?”

“Deku, I’ll hold him back!” Tokoyami returned, Dark Shadow’s wings open.

“! ! ! ! !” Paling before the monstrous bird, Jake hurriedly slithered up the cave. “I AIN’T DEALIN’ WITH NO EMO BIRB BOI.”

“Uhhhh…”

“That was easy.” Ochaco said in relief. “Maybe you should stay by Tsu, in case that freak comes back for her.”

“My best friend from middle school was a snake.” Tsu frowned. “I guess I don’t have a good affinity with them.”

1-A finally found the light at the end of the tunnel. The cave let out in a valley with a feudal Japanese building. A line of Kannons readied their aptly-named weapons and fired. “You ain’t the only ones who can bust out the big guns!” Momo erected her own cannon from her stomach, using her Creation Quirk. The pirates were fodder before her. Their only way forward was to cut through the building, but in the very first room they entered, purple Kremlings called Skiddas were doing a graceful ballet dance on the polished wood floor.

“Whoa! Looks like we barged in on their studio!” Mina exclaimed. “Sorry, guys, you don’t mind if we cut thr-”

The Skiddas swiftly zipped by the heroes for quick, forceful kicks against Deku and Shoto, while Mina managed to duck one. “What kind of cheap-ass fighting style is-” Bakugo wanted to finish them quickly, before Mina grabbed his arm.

“Hey, if these crocs wanna fight with dance, then I’ll give them what they want!” With that, Mina skied onto the floor, secreting acid from the holes in her shoes to move gracefully. She ducked, jumped, and dodged the Skiddas’ kicks. With thrusts of her palms, she shot globs of acid that knocked the crocs over, and did twirling motions while swinging acid whips. “Deku, wanna join in?”

Deku jumped out of his boots to dance on his socks, mimicking Mina’s technique to K.O. the last batch of Skiddas. The rest of the class was able to cut through and hurried up the stairs to the next floor. “You’re a great dancer, Deku!” Ochaco praised.

“Haha, I never thought it would be so effective!”

“This is Erasure to Class 1-B.” Aizawa called. “We’re progressing steadily on our end. How are things on yours?”

“We made it outside, coming up to a waterfall!” Kendo responded. “Oh—call you back in a bit. Some guys want trouble!” A band of Krunchas and Krushas (muscular blue Kremlings) came marching. Kendo ran for the first bunch, enlarging her fists to thrust the first bunch backward.

“He-hey! I like a girl with big fists!” roared a Kruncha. “Whaddya say we smash them, Kruncha #431?”

“You bet ya, Kruncha #211!” His brethren flared up their aura and turned red, punching at Kendo with combined force. Her fists began to bruise, so Tetsu jumped in to help beat the brutes back, and Jurota spared no mercy for them.

Kendo shrank her hands and raised her communicator. “Momo, these Kremlings just called each other by serial numbers. I know I’m not an expert on this race, but it’s kind of weird how there are so many copies of the same types and fighting styles.”

“You have a point.” Momo answered, molding a pair of cutlasses from her body to fight the Kutlasses. After finishing their dance battle, Deku and Mina shared a high five before catching up with their teammates. Class 1-A made it through the fort and continued through a valley with some ruins built in. Large Zinger nests were built into the walls, so Koda stayed back to focus his Anivoice over the bees. As they were nearing the end of the valley, they found a large, medieval-style gate with stone towers blocking the next path.

A band of gruff toad Mobians, short in stature but nonetheless deadly, stood guard with maces, hammers, and bladed weapons. “This is as far as you go!” declared Captain Grime, a toad with a yellow-green left eye and scarred, pale right eye. “Show them the pride of the Toad Army!”

Diary of Kroctus: Today, we paid a “friendly” visit to a somewhat isolated Mobian country called Amphibia. I had no plans to konquer the country, yet, but I heard of a large band of toads who planned to overthrow the Newt King. I used my new power to disguise myself as a toad and infiltrate the nation. A small display of power was enough to earn the toads’ loyalty. They had an interesting warrior among them.

Shoto used flames to make the toads shrivel in dehydration. Kirishima proceeded to punch through their armor, but the stone-skinned boy suddenly suffered a cut to the hip. “UACK!” As blood seeped out, he glared at the culprit: a human-sized, thin figure in red armor, a dark cape, and a blonde ponytail behind a helmet. Her sword was coated in Haki. Aizawa focused on her to disable her Haki, but even as Bakugo assaulted her with explosions, the warrior was evasive, headbutting the hero and knocking him back. Captain Grime spat slime on Aizawa to break his chi-blocking, but Froppy turned invisible to shoot him with saliva.

Deku blew the gate open with his sheer strength, opening the way to a thin, wavy trail suspended above a chasm. “Bakugo, we’ll take care of these toads!” Kirishima said. “You guys go on ahead!”

“Yeah, Deku!” Ochaco and Froppy gave him a thumbs-up. “We’ll catch up with you soon!”

“Haha!” Deku smiled at their confidence. “I believe in you!”

Kirishima took down the rest of the Toad Bandits, and Ochaco touched each of their weapons to make them levitate. She willed them to fly into the human warrior, who tried to swat them down, but took an axe to the head, knocking her helmet off. “Huh?” Ochaco was surprised to see it was an ordinary teenage, human girl, a beauty mark on her face. The girl quickly woke up and ran to slash at Ochaco, who nimbly dodged and managed to slap her face. She made the girl levitate, but she couldn’t raise her high enough before the girl shook free of her chi, stretching a leg to kick Ochaco upon landing. “Nice try! I learned to resist gravitybending!”

“Then I’ll have to step up my game!” Ochaco made herself float, thrusting herself at the swordsgirl with stamps of her armored boots.

“Hey!” Tokoyami yelled, raising Dark Shadow. “Look out above you!”

Rattlesnake Jake was set on a cliff, shooting his machinegun tail. Ochaco avoided the gun, and Jake slithered back in fear as Dark Shadow flew his master upward. “Grime! Do somethin’ about that bird or I’ll be munching you next!”

“I’m a little busy, Snaky!” Grime yelled, trying to smash Froppy beneath his hammer. The camouflaged frog evaded each time before lunging at Grime with a Froggy Kick!

The other 1-A heroes were about to face a stampede of triceratops. “They even have dinosaurs.” Aizawa said, holding his comm. “Class 1-B, I think we’ve found the right way. Backtrack to the cave and follow our route.”

“I think we’re gonna be a little late…” Kendo replied worriedly.

After they followed a path behind the waterfall, the B-Class hadn’t expected to find a red-suited man on a majestic white unicorn. “Yoooo! Bravo, Class 1-B!” Deadpool clapped. “You made it into the story! WOO! Man, you should’ve seen the first version of this chapter, it was SO boring.”

“It can’t be!” Kendo gasped. “Professor, look at this!”

She sent him a photo via her phone. Aizawa gasped. “That man… is Twice, from the League of Villains!”

“AAAH!” Deadpool literally fell off his high horse. “No, I’m pretty sure that’s Deadpool.” Kendo corrected. “The infamous freelance hero! What are you doing here?! Don’t tell me you’re after K. Rool!”

“’fraid not. I’m actually under the big man’s employ right now, and mah mission is to give you kids a spanking!” Deadpool tried to sit up… but found himself stuck to the ground on his side. “Ugh! If I could just get up!”

“You won’t be moving from THOSE sticky shrooms!” Kinoko smirked, tapping a purple gun to her chin. She had, in fact, saved a few Grape Spores from Mineta.

“You sure about that?!” Deadpool grabbed a sword and sliced off his right waist. He was able to stand up, the heroes horrified as his severed flesh regrew.

“It’s a Regeneration Quirk!” Tetsu said. “A fast-acting one, too! More importantly, why the heck does he have a unicorn?!”

“She’s my baby, Vanessa!” Deadpool stated. “And she’s feeling a little horny!” The unicorn dashed, first ramming and puncturing Jurota with her horn. She then kicked him away and targeted Kodai, but Pony’s flying horns caught her by the shirt and raised her friend to safety. Pony grew two more horns and shot them at Vanessa, having them swerve around the unicorn to stab her from multiple angles. Tetsu ran up to Deadpool to land a flurry of steel punches. “Iron Body!” The assassin hardened himself, withstanding Tetsu’s onslaught. Tetsu could swear Deadpool was smirking in cockiness, and this only made Tetsu more determined to puncture his armor. “HAAAAH!”

“OOF!!” One more firm punch to the noggin was able to knock Deadpool back, and Tetsu followed up with a kick—Deadpool blocked with his own leg, then flipped up the other to catch Tetsu’s leg between, hands propped on the ground. “Not bad, Steely Jones!” Deadpool spun to swing him into the cliff. “WHOA!” He was snared in Ibara’s brambles.

“Heathen! Arceus does not forgive those who taunt their foes!”

Deadpool grabbed his swords and sliced free of the brambles, slashing wildly to dice them up as Ibara tried to whip him from any direction. “Ah, an Arceist, huh? Boy, will you hate what I have planned!”

“HUUUR!” Jurota tackled Deadpool, wrestling him down, but Deadpool kicked him off and lashed Tempest Kicks. Deadpool Shaved around Jurota to deal Finger Pistols, but the beast spun and swat him away. “You’re a hairy old guy, ain’t ya? But nothing to what I got growin’!” Deadpool showed his back and hunched down. “I haven’t shaved my back in AGES!” He grabbed the back of his suit and ripped it, exposing a forest of back hair. Before they could question the point of this, Deadpool used Life Return to stretch the strands out, combined with Finger Pistol to pelt Jurota with the force of miniguns. Tetsu jumped to block the bullets while Jurota ran in front, but the speedy assassin zipped around his foes and struck at any opening.

Kendo thrusted her palms at Vanessa, channeling chi to act as a layer of defense against the unicorn’s lasers. When Vanessa dashed, Kendo quickly spread her arms to CLAP her between them. Pony had stepped back to catch her breath, but once her next pair of horns were ready, she asked, “Ready, Yui?”

“I’m ready!” Kodai affirmed, shrunk to a three-inch height. While her Quirk could normally only shrink objects, she later learned that she could change her own size, too. She held onto one of Pony’s horns as she was launched at Vanessa, and from there, she unveiled her next surprise. Having practiced Kateeny Style while in this state, she pulled her fist back and punched Vanessa’s waist, the unicorn stumbling sideways. Vanessa gasped, seeing the horns circling her once more. Vanessa landed on the horse’s back, forcefully punching and kicking while Vanessa tried to shake her off. Eventually, Vanessa sent her flying. “AAAAH!” Fortunately, Kendo’s big hands were there for the doll-size girl.

Kendo shrank her hands and opened them to confirm Kodai’s safety, the friends sharing a smile. “I’m through playing games.” Vanessa morphed into a human/unicorn hybrid form, thrusting her arm-hooves at Kendo. She tossed Kodai to Pony and countered with enlarged palms, but Vanessa leapt over the fingers and kicked Kendo with enough force to send her through the waterfall. Pony quickly carried herself with a horn, going through the fall to see where Kendo was falling, and sending a second horn down to catch her. Kodai had resized, throwing pebbles at Vanessa that she quickly resized into boulders, but Vanessa shattered the stones with her horn laser, then jumped through the dust to kick Kodai backward. Pony and Kendo returned to land as the former dashed and impaled her head horns into her side.

Tetsu jumped Deadpool’s back, grabbing and twisting his neck. “Thanks, friend! That spot was getting sore!” Deadpool bent his twisted head front-back and headbutted Tetsu hard enough to knock him off. Deadpool twisted back to normal—“Huh?” but then realized his feet were glued down by sticky mushrooms. Kinoto stuck her tongue out at him. Jurota ran to bash Deadpool’s back and bend him forward, at the same time Tetsu kicked his knees, causing them to bend inward. “YOOOOW!”

“And you won’t be cuttin’ free without these!” Tetsu grabbed Deadpool’s swords and tossed them to Reiko.

“Life Return: Knee-Degeneration!” Deadpool’s knees inflated and exploded! On his arms, he flipped back, pulled guns, and shot at Jurota and Kinoko, both of whom hastened to evade. He quickly willed his legs to reform.

“I didn’t think Regen Quirks were that strong!” Reiko said, holding the swords ready. “Is this guy even killable?”

“HUUUUU!” As soon as she spoke, Deadpool faced Reiko in awe. “That voice! You’re…”

Reiko’s Quirk called up the spirits of the swords, both resembling Deadpool. “We serve only the voice of Ryan Reynolds!”

“But brother! Her voice! There is no mistake!”

“But do we serve Man Ryan Reynolds, or Girl Ryan Reynolds??”

“To us, brother, there is no difference! He or she who holds the Reynolds, holds the swords!”

Reiko felt an aura encase her: an aura similar to when one holds their destined sword. Brimming with confidence, Reiko trusted the Sword Spirits to guide her motions in her clash with Deadpool, who fought back with Tempest Kicks.

At the Toads’ Gate, Ochaco was able to tackle the blonde girl and levitate them both. “You’re a human, aren’t you? Why are you working with the Kremlings?”

“I’m part of the Toad Army, dummy! And it’s a long story!”

“’Guess it doesn’t matter, anyway!” Ochaco twisted upside-down and threw her to the ground. Froppy, meanwhile, was able to catch Captain Grime on her back and spring him directly at the girl. When both heads made contact, both were knocked out.

“Nice job!” Tokoyami flew down. “I was able to chase that snake away. Let’s hurry and catch up!”

“Tokoyami, you’re bleeding.” Froppy noticed.

“It’s just a few bullet wounds. You can treat me after we get away from here! …Ah! Looks like Koda’s ready to move on, too!” The sounds of buzzing filled their ears as a cloud of Zingers loomed over their friend.

Superbia KND H.Q.

“You can’t get in contact with the Mobian KND?!” Lemillion yelled at the monochrome boy onscreen.

“We fear either their base has been compromised or the Kremlings destroyed the KND satellites!” Jerome replied. “We’ve sent scouts to survey the situation, but they’ve yet to report!”

“Dammit! We were counting on the Mobians to send backup to Gigan Rocks! It’s a good thing we’ve already got pros and teachers heading there, but I don’t know if they’ll be enough. Otherwise, they’ll be in for the fight of their life…”

Outside Hideout Helm

While waiting for progress on his machine, King K. Rool decided to take a break out on the deck of his flagship, Gangplank Galleon. The nice weather made his coconut milk taste all the sweeter. “WAZZUUUUUP, KING K. DIDDLY!” The eccentric, microphone voice probably belonged to the incoming ship with “U.A.” on its sail and an All Might Jolly Roger. “Feel free to stay nice and comfy in your chair, ’cause you’re in for a world-class butt-whooping massage!”

The voice belonged to Present Mic, a hero in high-standing blonde hair and a black suit. K. Rool lazily got some binoculars to study the other heroes: Class 1-B’s teacher, Vlad King, a rabbit-earred woman named Mirko, a chubby man in a yellow suit called Fat Gum, and Mt. Lady, a woman in a purple suit and horns. “That’s not being discrete, Yamada.” Vlad said.

“They should’ve seen us coming by now, anyway.” Fat Gum figured. “It feels like he’s not worried at all…”

“Well, that’s about to bite him in the tail.” Mirko cracked her knuckles.

Kroctus heard the sea splash to either side. Two heroes emerged on the deck: Gang Orca, a killer whale Fishman, and Selkie, a spotted seal Mobian. “Earplugs in!” Selkie gestured, the ship-based heroes doing the same. Orca unleashed a hypersonic wave, and Kroctus seemed to tense up, allowing Selkie to jump and sock the croc in the head. Once the 10-foot giant was down, Orca caught his neck in a choke hold. Present Mic’s earsplitting sonic waves further amplified the damage. Mirko, her sensitive ears tightly plugged, made the heroic leap to the Galleon. Kroctus punched Orca away, grabbed Selkie, and hurdled him straight back to knock Present Mic down, silencing the sound. By that time, Mirko dashed to land a combo of kicks to Kroctus’s jaw, afterwards kicking him to Orca, who punched him to the side.

“HA HA!” Mirko was less than half the size of this beast, so being able to take him down filled her with adrenaline.

Kroctus, from his fallen position, cracked his eye open in a bored manner. “…Is that it?”

A sudden punch sent Orca flying across the sea. Mirko grew alert and evaded his next flurry of fists. Luckily, Fat Gum and Vlad landed, the former rolling first. Kroctus punched him straight in the belly, but found his arm sinking into the fat. “Brute force doesn’t work on me!”

“Argh!” Kroctus tried to bite the fat, but a wave of blood wrapped around his mouth and hardened. The blood was courtesy of Vlad King’s bending. Selkie and Mirko went for a combined kick-punch at the back of Kroctus’s head, but the king spun and hauled Fat Gum to use as a shield. The impact squished his fat the other way, allowing Kroctus to withdraw his arm. He punched the blood off his mouth and leapt at Vlad, who withdrew. “Huh?” It was then a shadow enveloped the ship.

Mt. Lady had flung off her ship via catapult, high above the Galleon, and became a 67-foot giant. “I’ll smash your boat into the sea!”

Her boots hit the deck and violently rocked the boat. “?!” She realized too late the king had leapt up to her level. A solid punch from the small fist toppled the giant into the sea. Kroctus crashed back down, the pros surrounding him with caution. “Agh…” Kroctus cracked and straightened the bones in his neck. “Superbians… So proud of their fancy, birth-given Quirks, beating down run-of-the-mill supervillains. None of you have a penchant for real battle. For REAL willpower!”

“Our wills are committed to stopping villains like you!” Fat Gum declared, having to eat some pastries he was carrying to refuel his fat. “No matter how strong you are, you’ll never defeat justice!”

“Justice? That depends on who’s in charge around here.” Kroctus hardened his fists with iron Haki. “And last I checked, you heroes are a little out of your habitat.”

Gigan Rocks

A few hours into the morning, the Kremling guards were nodding off in boredom. They had been protecting the wooden barracks all night, with no need to raise their swords, throw Orange Grenades, or fire the cannons. They were merely waiting for their shifts to end so they could conk out for 17 hours or so.

“Huh?” One of the Kritters perked up at the sound of buzzing. Soon, all the Kremlings were alert, watching as a swarm of large bees were flying to their base. “Aren’t those Zingers from the ruins? Why are they coming here?”

“H-Hey! WATCH OUT!” a Klump screamed when the Zingers began ruthlessly stinging them. The Kremlings hurriedly tried to fight them away with weapons, unaware of the steadfast hero racing toward them. With passion in his eyes, Deku raised his leg and cried, “Dakota SLASH!” With the strength of a giant saw, the wooden wall was split up the middle!

“What the hell is happening?!” yelled a Krusha on the inside. Through the dust, animals came charging, such as tigers with katana in their teeth, armored rhinos, and armadillos that screeched like tires across the ground. The Neckies gaped at the traitorous animals, swooping down to attack them. However, a monstrous bird of darkness grabbed the vultures by the necks and slammed them into other Kremlings.

The nearby Kremlings set their sights on Tokoyami, but they were instantly frozen by Shoto’s icebending. “If these reptiles are cold-blooded, they should be weak to ice.” he assumed.

“They have waterbenders!” Tsu yelled, watching as some lady Kremlings used their powers to melt the ice. They then lashed the water at Shoto, who countered with fire to turn it into steam. Mina then fired acid through the steam, striking the Kremlings’ eyes and burning them. As they desperately washed the acid off with waterbending, Froppy whipped her tongue to KO them.

“Are these people locals?!” asked a gray Krusha, charging for the group alongside a platoon. “Some of them ain’t human! They must be aliens.” replied a Krewmate as they hardened their fists with Haki. “We’ll beat ’em senseless and make them spill—hey, where’s our Haki?!” They realized their fists reverted to normal.

Kirishima immediately seized the chance to sock them in the heads with stone fists, with Bakugo adding explosions to their pain. “Thanks, Professor!” Kirishima grinned. As soon as the Haki Krushas were KO’ed, Eraser Head decided it was safe to blink.

Ochaco found a barrel of Orange Grenades and touched them all, willing them to float before sending them into the Kremlings launching projectiles from watchtowers. Deku was swift to destroy tents and kick bunches of Kremlings into submission. “Hooooooo!” Koji called, commanding the Neckies and Bristles (hedgehogs) to attack other Kremlings by spitting nuts and performing Spin Dashes.

The attack continued for several more minutes until all the Kremlings lay in defeat. “Thanks for your kind assistance.” Koji told the non-intelligent animals in a meek tone. “You may return to your habitats now.”

“Man, we were right to take you along, Koji!” Mina beamed. “You’re like super-duper useful against these guys!” The praise caused his face to redden.

“Hey guys, these crates have a bunch of fruit!” Ochaco beamed. “I think we just found our breakfast.”

“There’s even some barrels of fresh water over here.” Tsu acknowledged.

Taking note of the nearby poison river, Aizawa deduced, “The waterbenders must have used their powers to filter the poison. They’re probably doing something further up. I think we’re almost there, so you better get your nutrition now.”

They continued on to a cliff, overlooking a very wide area of river. A sloped walkway seemed to lead across and up to a higher cliff. However, Aizawa grew weary of the mud-colored mountain on that island. He asked Momo to create some binoculars, and with them, he observed the mountain more closely. There were ants, spiders, bees, beetles—all sorts of massive bugs crawling around the mount. “It’s a whole fortress of bugs. …But I think I see a safer way around.” The poison river led around the fortress. “The base should be located wherever this poison is coming from. All we have to do is travel along the river and we may find it without having to go through that nest.”

“I understand.” Shoto replied, aiming his right hand at the river and turning it to solid, mucky ice. “Keep in mind that icebender ice can quickly crumble in warm temperatures. I’ll try to maintain it as much as I can, but we should tread it carefully.”

“Bakugo, carry me.” Tsu moaned, wrapping herself around him. “Sorry, but ice makes me sleepy.”

“What a pain…”

By continuously emitting ice from his feet, Shoto was able to keep the river frozen. The young heroes trekked it quickly, but carefully, and they were evenly spread apart so not too much force was pressed onto one area. Hearing the ice crackle slightly kept them on high alert. “The poor fish are angry.” Koji said.

“I know, but we’re only here to rescue Eri, right?” Kirishima replied. “We can come back to clean the river later.”

“N-No… that’s not why they’re angry. They’re angry ’cause… we’re trying to find their secret base!”

They felt rapid bumps under the ice, for the fish were furiously trying to break through. “Man, everything’s part of the Krew here!” Tsu panicked. “But shouldn’t the poison make them sick?!”

“The catfish says, ‘Some perks to working for the Kremlings are poison immunities, bitch!’ Oh, I’m sorry for his language.”

“AAAAH!” Deku cried when a small shark sprouted out of the ice, biting his ankle as he quickly stomped it off with the other foot. “Since when do rivers have sharks?!”

“They’re too strong, I can’t keep the water frozen!” Shoto yelled.

“Then we’ll fly over it!” Ochaco declared, quickly touching all her friends. Once all were levitated in the air by her power, Ochaco focused upriver and willed them to “fall” in that direction.

“Hey, you’re coming with us!” Tsu shouted, whipping her tongue at the gravitybender to pull her along! They landed on the cliffside where the river curved, and Shoto froze that part of the river as Ochaco changed gravity to normal.

After catching her breath for a moment, Ochaco cried, “AGAIN!” and had everyone fall further upriver. Ochaco repeated the process numerous times, covering what felt like miles of river. They came upon towers built on the river and platforms on the cliffsides, Bazukas and Kannons perched on them as they blasted the operatives. Bakugo hurriedly blasted the towers and Shoto shot fire at the more distant Kremlings, weakening their assault so the double-bender could once again freeze the river.

“Okay guys, let’s go it again…” Ochaco moaned, green in the face.

“Hang on, you’re sick.” Deku said, lifting his friend. “Let’s keep going on foot.”

“Urk…Thank you, Izuku.”

Eventually, the young heroes were able to rest at the shore of a lake. “I received a text from Vlad.” Aizawa said. “The pros have engaged K. Rool outside his base. But there’s been no sign of any Mobian reinforcements.”

“By the time we make it to the base, we might be too exhausted fighting all these pirates. I’m worried if we can really do this…”

“We’ve already come this far.” Deku said. “The longer we wait, the more they’re hurting Eri. If we don’t at least try, we’ll be a disgrace to the KND.”

“Totally. Besides, Toru is waiting for us, too.” Mina agreed. “Just imagine how scared she is!”

“The poison seems to flow from across this lake.” Shoto observed. “In fact… it’s coming from there.”

They crossed the lake’s shore to a cliff with a waterfall pouring out of a cavern. Upon closer inspection, the cavern was a metal pipe. “Did…Did we find the base?!” Deku asked.

“I feel like there should be a lot more security around.” Aizawa said suspiciously. “Why don’t we see what’s up top first?”

“Leave that to me.” Fighting her sickness, Ochaco floated up for bird’s-eye view of the valley above the cliff. There were still miles to go until the ocean, but the heroine could clearly make out, “Guys, I see another Japanese building! And behind that… it looks like a mountain with arms and a crown…”

“Sweet! We’re almost there!” Deku beamed.

It was then everyone’s comms went off, and they heard Kendo’s voice. “This is 1-B to 1-A. The route we were taking seems to head to your location! Jurota can pick up Froppy’s scent, so we’re on our way!”

“You are? What about Deadpool?”

…

Kodai balled herself up as Kendo cupped her in giant hands, while Kinoko made mushrooms grow over Vanessa’s head to blind her. Kodai shrank as Kendo held her hands in a flicking position. Her bulbous finger flicked the pocket-size hero with incredible force, and the impact of her Kateeny strength to Vanessa’s head knocked the unicorn out cold. Tetsu and Jurota, meanwhile, tanked Deadpool’s Finger Pistol to restrain his arms. Reiko crossed arms and leapt, and even as Deadpool used Iron Body, Reiko swung both of his blades and cleanly sliced off his head.

“AAAAH!” the severed head cried. “Now I know his Kisame feels! Betrayed by his blades and beheaded!”

“Wow, he really CAN’T die!” Tetsu yelled.

“No, but I think it’s time to send him flying!” Pony sent one more horn to puncture the head and send him off the waterfall cliff.

“The Reynolds will be with you alwaaaaays…!”

“YEAH!” Kendo fist-pumped. “Awesome job, team! Now, let’s catch up! Can’t let the A-Team hog all the glory!”

…

“You sure you guys aren’t tired?” Aizawa asked. “That man was no joke, you know. I have to advise that you return to-”

“Don’t you tell us to back down!” Tetsu shouted. “We’re all going to save Eri, no matter what!”

“It’s true. We need as much manpower as we have.” Shoto agreed. “I’ll freeze the river again so you guys can catch up, but be careful.”

“Hey, guys… I see a bunch of animals in caged areas. It looks like a zoo.” Ochaco pointed.

Shoto made an icy stairway up the short cliff so everyone could climb up. They bypassed the trees and arrived at a tall, barred cage that overlooked a gorge where pandas carefreely ate bamboo. “I wonder where the entrance is?”

“Screw the entrance, this is a villain’s lair!” was Bakugo’s reasoning for blowing a clear gap in the bars.

“Don’t just do that!!” Deku panicked.

“Well, it’s not like Uraraka coulda floated us.” he retorted as he squeezed in the gap and sidled along the rim of the gorge. Deku sighed and followed him, with the others joining.

“The pandas sure sound happy.” Koji smiled. “They say the bamboo and water are amazing.”

“So, their water isn’t poisoned.” Shoto deduced. “Even though it seems to come from right under this place.”

They arrived at a pathway and climbed over the wood fence. “’ey, what are ye mangy landlubbers doing in me zoo?!” To their surprise, a muscular Kremling with a spiked club marched up the path, plopping his weapon up and down in his bulbous hand. “’Tis 15 Kremkoins per guest in Krem Zoo! Begone or Ay’ll have ye clubbed-”

Bakugo immediately blew him back with twin explosions. “Arrrr… ye were supposed to just stand thar and let me send ya flyin’.”

“Now, what’s all this ruckus?” came an elderly, feminine voice. “Oh, it seems we have guests.” They were approached by a short, pudgy old woman with white hair, shades, a black suit, and a distinct ox tail. “Good morning, children. I’m Mrs. Goodwall. Might you be on a field trip?”

Aizawa narrowed his eyes. Neither could hide their suspicion from each other. “Your clothing doesn’t befit this planet.”

“Oh yes, forgive me. I am actually visiting from Earth.” She calmly led the group as they studied the various animals in their habitats. “King K. Rool has a zoo established at many of his bases, collectively known as the Krem Zoos. He has given me the honor of managing them. I have much experience with breeding animals, you see.”

She’s not even trying to hide who she works for. “King K. Rool, you say?” Aizawa inquired.

“Why, yes. He has long been building an army of all the animals of the universe, so it’s only natural he would build zoos for the purpose. All these adorable creatures are raised to obey and fight for the Kremling Krew. Of course, what you see here is only a tiny fraction.”

“So, all these animals are trained for combat?” Bakugo asked.

“Yes, from the moment of birth. Of course, animals are already such fierce fighters from the start, it’s quite easy.”

“Heh, it would suck if all your trained animals ended up turning against you. Ain’t that right, Koji?!”

Before Mrs. Goodwall knew it, the pandas, tigers, rabbits, snakes, and all other animals of the zoo heeded Koji’s beck and call. “Forcing such precious animals to commit crimes is unforgivable.” Koji spoke seriously. “At least when I ask them for help, I try to respect them. At least I ask them to help people. As long as I’m here, I won’t let K. Rool have his way with them!”

“Why, you must be an Animal Telepath.” Goodwall said with a false smile of awe. “That should make this a bit interesting.”

They had no time to question this fact before the air seemed to grow 10 times heavier. Malice formed in all the animals’ eyes as they snarled at the heroes. Deku, Bakugo, and a few others restrained their selves from dropping to one knee, as if their own hearts were trying to weigh them down. “I-I don’t… feel so good…” Ochaco moaned, her sickness growing worse under the tense air as she fell on her front.

“Ribbit…” Tsu felt her bones disappear, becoming as squishy and slimy as the frog she resembled.

“What is this… unsettling aura?” Tokoyami grunted, having to hold his head.

“‘W-W-Why would we listen to a c-c-cowardly worm like you?’” Koji translated. “‘L-L-Look at him shaking in the knees. Th-They might as well be twigs.’ ‘He’s got nothing on H-His Majesty.’”

Mrs. Goodwall smiled, pleased and humored by their frightened forms and diminishing confidence. “!!” To their horror, a humongous figure came flying from the shore, colliding just behind Goodwall. “That’s… MT. LADY!!” A tearing Mineta hurried over to the giant’s broken face. “Mt. Lady! Who could have defiled you so?!”

“Nnnhh…” The heroine cracked open her eyes with a smile. “Sorry… little guy…” After passing out, the giant shrunk back to her normal size.

A green eagle flew from the shore. As it landed, its body grew and began to morph, easily dwarfing Aizawa at a full 10 feet. Now in the form of a big-bellied crocodile, the aura only seemed to intensify as they fully realized who this beast was.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you!” K. Rool beamed, knowing no introductions were necessary on his part. “I never have guests as often as I used to. I guess it’s a downside to living so far away. That, and most people assume that I’m too good for them. Like a fan and a movie star, so to speak.”

This aura must be Conqueror’s Haki. Aizawa analyzed, focusing intently on the king. I’ve never chi-blocked this before… and for some reason… I can’t.

“So, what brings you all to my zoo?” Kroctus’ hands met in an exuberant clap. “Have you perhaps come to rescue the little timebender?!”

“W-What happened to the pros?” Deku asked.

“Them? Well, they’re taking a little nap on the deck.” He thumbed backward. The heroes in question were all bruised and KO’ed on the Galleon, and their own ship had sunk. “Don’t worry, they’re still alive. The animal-types are sure to make good Krewmen if all goes well. Ah, and I made sure to keep Eri happy!” He changed into a nude Midoriya.

“THAT’S IT, YOU’RE DEAD!” Bakugo focused pure rage in his explosions, laying a direct hit on the king. Deku had been frozen in horror at what he just saw, and the girls would never erase the image.

K. Rool endured the explosion, reverting to his true form as he clasped both of Bakugo’s hands and SQUEEZED them, lifting and slamming the hero against the ground. He planted his foot on Bakugo’s head, reveling in his feeble attempt to push it off. “Some villains prefer to hide behind legions of followers or big comfy lairs, but I’m different. When predators march into my habitat, looking to knock me off my throne, I am entitled to defend it.” He transformed into Ochaco, using the same amount of strength to keep Bakugo down. “And no matter how frail I look, my very presence is enough to numb the senses.”

Ochaco could not restrain her vomit, the others closed their eyes, and blood spewed from Mineta’s nose like a fountain. K. Rool noticed the smaller hero and took Mineta’s form, returning Bakugo to them with a strong kick that caused him to cough blood. “Even though some species try to stubbornly resist my call…” Hearing a cluster of buzzing, Koji looked up in utmost terror when a swarm of giant bugs was closing in, “even the demons of Hell will give in someway!”

“RIBBIT!” Tsu cried when a net seized her, yanking her over to Rattlesnake Jake. The snake ensnared the helpless frog, squeezing her ever tighter. Mina and Kirishima were about to retaliate, only for the zoo animals to growl and scare them into submission. Once the giant bugs had clouded over the area, their hesitation only increased, feeling absolutely overwhelmed.

“You WON’T scare us!” Midoriya yelled with determination. “We’re taking Eri-chan home, no matter how many you throw at us!”

“Saving Eri-chan, saving the bananas, saving Donkey Kong! Even against overwhelming power, their excuse is ALWAYS the same! Their desire to save something always gives them power, and it always works! And that…” The king’s aura was on fire from his warm-up battle with the pros. “That’s exactly what I hope for!”

Ooo, we’re gonna fight K. Rool already?! Well, surely he’s as weak as he was 23 years ago, this will be easy! …Lol as if. But as I’m writing this, it’s kinda fun to notice the similarities and differences between Kroctus and Big Mom. Also, I think this is Mrs. Goodwall’s VERY FIRST distinct appearance since the KND episode, “Operation: Z.O.O.”!

Chapter Text

This just in from One Piece, the Wano Arc just got WAAAAY more hype with the reveal of Kaido’s Devil Fruit, one that I TOTALLY predicted he had five years ago! Kroctus, you’ve got some catching up to do! Naw, you’ll always be the big scary regent in my eyes. X3 I think I’ll take this time to welcome my new reader, Epik! Thanks for all the comments; it’s been a long time since I got to witness someone’s first journey into the Gameverse! Anyway, play “Gangplank Galleon” from Smash Ultimate!

Midoriya was the one to land the first blow, pouring 30% of his strength into his right leg. It was easily blocked by K. Rool’s arm, but Deku followed up with an overhead kick, only for Kroctus to grab him by the ankle. The king swung and bashed him against the ground four times before throwing Deku. Kroctus grunted when a spiked stone fist pierced his back, immediately reacting by punching Kirishima in the head. The stone man’s head cracked, but he quickly recovered and threw a punch up to K. Rool’s jaw. The king easily grabbed his fist and squeezed it, forcing a scream out of Red Riot before throwing him off.

“Hrm?” Kroctus tried to move, but felt his feet were glued by some sticky force, though he couldn’t see past his big belly.

“Hah hah ha!” Mineta laughed. “No matter how strong you are, you’ll NEVER escape my grapes!”

“Now we’ve got ’im!” Shoto declared, casting ice to completely freeze the Krock. Unfortunately, Kroctus shook in his prison and successfully broke the ice, even kicking his feet free. Shoto tried to shoot more ice, but Kroctus dodged and sank his teeth into his frosty arm. Mineta formed a rope from his grapes and latched them onto K. Rool’s tail, sticking them to the ground to bind him in place. However, now that he was aware of the gooey balls, Kroctus easily spun around and yanked his tail free of them.

“THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE-!” Mineta cried in despair, but these were his final words before Kroctus rushed him and grabbed his puny grape body. As his body threatened to burst like the fruit he resembled, Mineta’s life flashed before his eyes. Luckily, Kroctus dropped him when a fiery burst struck him in the back of the head. Feeling a mild aching pain, he turned to see Bakugo, who was bleeding in the head and panting from the previous attack. But during that distracted moment, Ochaco was able to slap K. Rool’s belly, willing him to float to the sky. The king was enveloped by the cloud of giant insects, yet they weren’t hindering his ascent.

Ochaco grew ill due to K. Rool’s heavy weight, and this became worse when the king ignited his Conqueror’s Haki again. Ochaco’s heart felt so heavy that she fainted, her spell wearing off as Kroctus dropped. He cried, “HRAAAH!” as he positioned his belly with every intent to flatten her. Deku’s legs acted on their own as he grabbed Ochaco with blinding speed and escaped before impact.

As soon as he landed, Momo fired a cannonball from her stomach and dealt a direct blow to his mouth! Bakugo followed this with another explosion and Shoto unleashed a wave of fire to further boil the reptile. Kroctus leapt through the fire to grab Shoto, using him to bat Bakugo away. He then rushed over to Momo and shoved Shoto headfirst into her cannon. Kroctus punched Momo in the chin, knocking her on her back with the cannon faced up. Mina squirted acid at Kroctus’s head, the king dodging as he set sights on her next. He threw a punch at the Harnitan, but Mina created an Acid Veil to block the attack. He kept furiously punching the acid shield to no avail.

Meanwhile, Froppy struggled in the tightness of Jake’s tail, the snake engaged in the fight. “Pssssst, let me in on somethin’, silky.” Jake whispered to his captive, eying Mr. Aizawa. “What’s the deal with that shady fella? He been still as a statue this whole time.”

“Gulp!” Tsu choked. “I-I don’t know!”

“Don’t even think of lyin’ to me!” Jake tightened his hold.

Tsu felt like her head would pop like a balloon, but she was determined to maintain composure. “M-My friends are going to beat your king!”

“It sure don’t look like it. Old Krocky ain’t even use his Haki yet and they can barely put a hold on him.”

Shows what you know; that’s Mr. Aizawa’s doing! Tsu thought confidently. Indeed, their teacher hadn’t blinked the entire time, and he was desperate on keeping eyes open to keep his chi blocked. Kroctus was beginning to crack Mina’s Acid Veil, but the Kremling was ensnared by Dark Shadow.

“That swarm of bugs provides an excellent cover from the sunlight!” Tokoyami said.

“B-B-B-Bird!” Jake stuttered, backing up. “Demon bird!”

Kroctus shook free of Dark Shadow and punched Tokoyami in the beak. Mina doused him with acid and quickly skied away, then Shoto set him ablaze. “BROOOOAAAARRR!” Mixed with the acid, the flames burned off a layer of his skin, and it smelled as if roasted reptile was on the menu tonight.

“D-Did we get him?” Mina asked.

“Don’t count on it.” Aizawa said skeptically. Almost instantly, K. Rool leapt out of the flames, and Aizawa dodged back with a start to avoid his punch. The teacher nimbly evaded the king, even when Kroctus threw his crown, but the crown came back like a boomerang and conked Aizawa in the head. The teacher blinked on impulse, and not a second after did K. Rool harden his fist and sock him in the face.

“I was wondering why you were just standing there.” the king said. “You were blocking my chi, weren’t you? When I tried to shield myself just now, I couldn’t muster my Haki.”

“You mean you were purposely not using your Haki?!” Momo exclaimed.

“When I’m not in a hurry, I like to steadily examine my opponents’ skill levels!” Kroctus said as he dodged Shoto’s ice and dealt a Haki punch to his scarred eye. “Consider it a compliment that I resorted to using it!”

“RED RIOT: UNBREAKABLE!” Before K. Rool’s eyes, Kirishima entered Fury Mode, assuming a monstrous form with invincible spiked stones. The Red Riot attacked K. Rool with all the force he could muster, the king blocking with hardened arms before dealing an uppercut to the chin. Kroctus kept the rhythm and lay three punches to his head, then he balled his fists to smash Red Riot into the ground. Kroctus faced Mina again, the girl creating another Acid Veil, but this time he easily penetrated it, grabbed Mina by the neck, and slammed her against Kirishima’s spikes.

“Here come the rest of ’em.” Jake said to himself.

“Argh!” A pair of Pony horns punctured K. Rool’s eyes, and mushrooms grew from them around his head. “Gah! What are these blasted—ergh!” A pair of steel teeth bit into his tail, followed by Jurota grabbing and restraining his arms. The king spun and whacked both heroes off, but before he could rip off the mushrooms, Kendo swiped a giant hand and whacked Kroctus off his feet. Ibara wrapped brambles around his ankles, hoping to cut them, but a belly-spin maneuver caused her to fling away.

Kroctus ripped the mushrooms and horns off his head, his eyes regaining vision. “Have some of this, fatty!” Mineta threw more grapes at his feet, leaving Kinoko to reinforce them with sticky shrooms. Posing beside his fellow shorty (though Kinoko was a foot taller), he declared, “You just got yourself a case of Grape Fungus!”

“You’re the rottenest fruit I’ve ever had the honor of working with, mushroom~” Kinoko praised the grape-haired hero.

Kroctus raised his arms in defense as Reiko leapt at him, a master at her twin blades as she maneuvered around and dealt blows to Kroctus’s scales, though she left no serious cuts. “Okay, team, just like we practiced with Deadpool!” Kendo said.

“What?! You primates defeated that imbecile?!”

“The ‘B’ in 1-B stands for ‘Best’!” Kendo clamped hands over his head and squeezed the mouth shut. She tried to crank the neck back while Jurota and Tetsu both ran for a combined body-slam to his back. With his feet still glued in mushrooms, his fat figure bent at an unsettling angle. Kendo kept his neck bent, but as Kroctus remained still, they wondered if they actually won.

Jake raised a brow, impressed by their performance. Little did he know of the doll-sized girl running to his curled-up tail. As soon as Kodai grew to normal, she jumped the snake, squeezing his neck and shoving Jake’s hat over his mouth. He aimed his gun tail, but Kodai slapped it before jumping off. She quickly used her power to shrink the machinegun, but when Jake gnashed at her, Pony stuck horns in his eyes. Tsu spat mucus to make herself slippery and shake free of her restraint. She wrapped Jake’s neck in her tongue and hauled his head into the ground, with Kodai landing a firm kick for extra concussion. “Thank you, Yui!”

“HUUUUR!” But K. Rool’s grunt silenced their moment of victory. The king’s green scales turned black in Haki, with his nails and gold belly to contrast with it. He CLAPPED his hands against his head with Kendo’s hands between, severely squishing and bending them as she backed off. He forced his feet to rip out of the sticky shrooms. Jurota used Tetsu as a weapon and bashed Kroctus’s skull, but against his Haki defense, Tetsu’s steel defense meant nothing. “T-Tetsu!” Jurota gasped, ridden with guilt over what he’d just done to his friend. Tetsu’s skin reverted as he was knocked out cold. His guilt left Jurota vulnerable to a knock-out punch to the skull.

“Th-That didn’t get him!” Tsu stuttered. “AAH!” Jake woke up and gnashed at Kodai, but Reiko blocked him with both swords. Jake bit and tried to wrestle the blades away from her, but in pulling them out, Reiko knocked out some of his teeth. She dealt swift slashes against the snake and knocked Jake out. However, Kroctus was relentless as he slapped Pony unconscious, then ran to KO Kendo. Shooting a predatorial glare at Froppy, he charged the frog, but she leapt high and far away. He looked for Kodai, but the size-shifter disappeared. No, she had shrunk to run underneath and behind him. Ibara wrapped brambles around his eyes to blind him, but it took no effort to grab the vines and swing Ibara into Reiko. Reiko sliced the vines to free her friend, but when Kroctus charged at the Poltergeist next, her quick motions were no match for his. Reiko was knocked out cold.

“Hur…” He snarled at Mineta and Kinoko, the latter having squatted to pick up the tiny Kodai. She and Mineta saw no option but to run, desperately throwing shrooms and grapes to impede the oncoming king. “RUN, YUI!” Kinoko threw the tiny away before Kroctus tackled herself and Mineta. They threw their projectiles directly into his open mouth, but the king merely munched the grapes and shrooms. “Hnnnn…BUUUUU!” And he returned them in the form of sticky vomit, gluing both shorties to the ground.

“Nnnn…Mineta! Can you get this stuff…?!” Unfortunately, Mineta had reached the cap of his grapes, as indicated by his bloody nose and his unconscious, pale eyes.

Kroctus licked his lips, deciding to leave them helpless. After Kodai went flying, she found herself caught by a tongue and pulled into the mouth of an invisible source. Once Froppy had her secure, she prepared to hop away—Jake flew up and ensnared the frog. “Ya just can’t put me down, can ya?” he hissed, Froppy’s camouflage deforming. Her cheeks were puffed, because of Jake squeezing her and because Kodai was still inside her. “Go on. Spit her on out. I’ll keep her safe in me~”

Tsu could never give in to such an awful demand. The only way she could protect Kodai was to… “JAKE!” Kroctus yelled. “There were three more of them. Where did they go?”

“I saw ’em head for the base!”

“WHAT?! Why didn’t you do anything?!”

“You told us not to bother you while you were fightin’!”

“Hur… Fair enough.” On that note, Kroctus became a hawk and flew to Hideout Helm.

After rescuing Ochaco, Deku and Koji raced to the fortress, going up the walkways and breaching the entrance. While Koji carried Ochaco, Deku mercilessly kicked every Kremling guard in their way. A pair of giant beavers – known as Very and Really Gnawty – ambushed them from alternate hallways. Deku swiftly dodged the beavers, and Koji used Anivoice to communicate with them. If you help us find Eri, I’ll give you lots of nuts! The Gnawty Bros. leapt forth and trampled more Kremlings.

“If Eri powers you up, you think you’ll be strong enough to beat him?” Koji inquired.

“They’ve been abusing Eri all this time, I’m not going to do the same!”

“B-But how are we going to get away? If he keeps attacking us, we’ll never be able to steal a boat.”

“That’s a VERY good question!” A green leopard pranced up the corridor, their hearts bursting with fear as Kroctus grew to normal form. The king locked his fist on Koji first, but Deku was swift to grab and throw them back. This resulted in Deku suffering the attack, his jaw cracking. Kroctus used his Conqueror’s Haki to intimidate Koji, who was then attacked by the Gnawty Bros..

♪ “You can do it, whelp, you can claw ’em gnaw ’em stone ’em beat ’em!” ♪ Kroctus danced and jiggled his belly to the rap, taunting Deku. ♪ “I do this with my mind, you just obey me!” ♪ Deku ran up for a flurry of kicks, Kroctus defending quickly before grabbing his ankle and slamming him to the floor. ♪ “And do you stammer stammer seein’ mah eye?” ♪ Deku faced up as Kroctus pointed at his bad eye. ♪ “You better star me, steam me, see me, scrub me, feed me my pie.” ♪ He picked Deku up and brushed him against his belly like a towel.

♪ “You ready already, or wheezy-oh?” ♪ Deku kicked away and got free. ♪ “And bestial crushing easy though,” ♪ Deku gasped and dodged when the king tried to jump on him, ♪ “and totally the very dope D-N-A now!” ♪ Kroctus continued to dance in a cocky manner. ♪ “You need a shanty shanty shanty a song. You’re the big scary regent that conquers us all, you go:” ♪

And all the animals chorused under the call of his Haki: “NA NANANA, NANANA NANA NANA! LA LALALA LALALA LALA LALA!”

Maybe I can take him by surprise! Deku thought, surging power through his squat legs, his eyes sharp on the Kremling. Kroctus readied to grab him, but Deku sprung to the left, off the ceiling corner, off the floor and past Kroctus, around the walls a few times, continuing to circle the king faster to confuse him. I’m behind him! Now’s my chance! Deku sprung toward the king, ready to strike his head with 50% strength.

“DWAAAAAAH!” His head throbbed with a mild pain, but Kroctus seized the chance to snap Deku’s leg in his teeth. Deku briefly yelped before bringing up his other foot above Kroctus, only for the king to grab it in his left arm. With fewer options, Deku balled both fists and brought them down like a hammer. At the same time, Kroctus’s other fist grabbed his, squeezing them. (End song.)

In those few seconds Deku’s hands exploded, the flow of time was irrelevant. He felt as if his mind were transferred to a secluded space, empty and quiet, where he was allowed to roam with his thoughts. What were we thinking coming here? Why did I think I could save Eri-chan… just with my own feelings? We were completely outmatched… He smelled us coming a mile away… He had every confidence that he could win. But how…how will people remember me? Will they be inspired that I died fighting to protect someone? At the very least, I didn’t hesitate to rescue Eri as soon as possible. …Or will I die in disgrace because I was way out of my league?

His eyes had gone pale, for it seemed Deku’s soul had left him. He lay in disgrace at K. Rool’s feet with black and red arms. “I-I-I…Izuku…” Ochaco moaned, tears leaking from her weary eyes.

“He’s alive. For now.” Kroctus said, lifting the boy over his shoulder. “You want to see Eri, boy? Then I’ll grant your wish.”

He carried Deku into the laboratory. He held his face directly above Eri’s. Both their expressions were milky and dull, and they had no energy left to gasp or cry, even when Deku tried to process her strange new appearance and glowing blue symbols. “There she is, boy. Within your grasp. Arm’s length. But how, then, do you plan to escape from here? I suppose if you touched her, that arm will be patched right up. But if I decided to press you against her, you would shrink into the form of a pitiful little baby. Then I would give you to Moge-ko to raise and feed like her own child. I wonder how you would turn out then? Mweh heh heh har!”

The giddy look on K. Rool’s face made Toru and Kami sick to their stomachs. Would he actually consider such an awful fate for his defeated opponent? Instead, K. Rool pulled him away and marched out of the room. “You probably would turn out exactly the same. After all, it’s basic biology. Though I guess you Superbians wouldn’t know a thing about that.” Kroctus regrouped with the Gnawty Bros., who were holding Ochaco and Koji. “All you have to do is inhale some Bang Gas or a Devil Fruit and BOOM, you’re a hero! Meanwhile, the normal humans of your society are dropped to the bottom of the food chain. I would bet not a single normal Superbian knows a thing about advanced combat. No Haki, no Nature Style, they’ve all accepted their pitiful DNA!”

“Hey, don’t you think you should get him treated?” Kami asked.

“Ah, Kami!” Kroctus whirled around and put an arm over her. “I’m sure you remember the good old days! ‘Ooo, normal humans are just as good as metahumans!’ What a complete and total LIE! Either people are born with power or they have the passion to train their arses off. That’s the law of our universe, do you not agree, Kami?!”

“I don’t GIVE a damn!” Kami ducked under his arm and escaped his ‘loving’ hold. “Can we just go find my daughter already?! If the girl is powered up now, we can see if she can restore Kimaya’s life!”

“Not yet!” Kroctus stated. “First, we’re going to test that effect on Gruntilda, since she is also in need of a new body. I mean, you wouldn’t want something to go horribly wrong with your daughter, do you?”

“…” Unable to find a hole in his logic, Kami bit her tongue.

“Treat this boy if you must, Kami.” Kroctus handed Deku to her. “And afterwards, lock him in the brig. Same with those two, LOCK THEM UP!” he ordered the Gnawtys. “HELMSMAN! Detach the ship from the land! Klammy, activate the Blast-O-Matic, it’s time for the test run!”

“Aye-aye, Kroctus!” Klammy beamed, excitedly inputting the codes. “Transferring Emotion Chi from Rainbow Crown. Melding it with Time Chi. Mental reduction is set to 3 years old. Shall I target just the operatives or the entire region?”

“Entire region! The more area, the faster! Mrs. Goodwall has already returned to the base. As for the Kremlings, it shouldn’t have too much effect on them.”

The chest of the base opened, extracting the Blast-O-Matic’s pointed cannon. Powerful energy, which altered between rainbow and blue, began to build. The Krackshot Krocks zoomed the target away from the weakened Sector U.A., along with the Pro Heroes who were brought to lay, and focused more broadly on the entire region. “FIRE!!”

A great and colorful beam swept across the zoo and beyond. Rattlesnake Jake retreated to the base’s walkway just in time, he and Froppy gazing at the blinding sight. Such power would easily reduce this land to total ashes… but when it all disappeared, not a trace of anything had been changed.

The members of Sector U.A. recovered from the shock… but terrific fear plagued their hearts. They were clearly not at home and their parents were nowhere in sight. Such a revelation would drive any 3-year-old child into despair. These young heroes had little knowledge of the outside world and no capability of taking care of their selves. “W-W-What the heck is this place?! Who the heck are all YOU people?!” Bakugo shouted.

“WAAAAH! I want my mommy!” Mineta cried, jumping into Mina’s chest. “Will you be my mommy?!”

“EEEK! Stranger danger!” Mina wept, pushing him off.

“La la la la, I can blow up da world!” Momo sang carefreely as she pulled multiple grenades out of her body and threw them around. “The egg goes boomy, goes boomy, hooray!”

“Hurrrrrrr…” A gloomy Aizawa pulled his shirt up over his head and went to sulk in the corner like the shy man he was.

“IT WORRRRRKED! MWEH HEH HEH HAR!” Kroctus exclaimed, feeling as happy as a little kid himself. “Kremlings, capture those worms and lock them in the factory!”

“Heh heh heh!” Jake laughed, feeling relief. “That old emo birb boi ain’t havin’ me today!”

“B-But, how come the Kremlings weren’t affected by the blast?!” Tsu asked.

“I’ll let you in on a secret, sweetie.” Jake smirked. “Heard this from them Faunus kids. Apparently, most of these Kremlings are Klones.”

“Klones?!”

“Yep! You musta noticed that poison water goin’ across the valley. That all comes from the Kloning Facility under the zoo! Kroctus has a bunch of them, makin’ more and more Kremlings by the hour. And because them Klones are already fully matured at birth, they can’t be reverted back to baby stages.”

In the lab beneath the zoo, there were lines of capsules containing water and sleeping Kremlings. “Of course, depending on how strong you wanna make them, it’ll take longer to develop them. That’s why the Kremlings only Klone common soldiers and not the Kommanders.”

“Besides, we couldn’t have two Kommanders trying to kill each other.” Mrs. Goodwall inferred. “Now, if you aren’t going to eat that girl, Jake, then lock her away.”

“Hiss, get off mah tail, Ox Tail.”

“Since the test was successful,” K. Rool began, “it’s time to begin the next phase of our plan! Helmsman, prepare a course for Zootopia!”

“Aye-aye, My Lord!” And so, the mobile island detached from the shore and sailed out to sea.

The Law of the Universe decrees that the Main Character always wins, whether that character is a Hero or a Villain. Sector U.A. were called “Heroes,” but they were still antagonists, and I, being the protagonist, have defeated them. With this obstacle cleared, it was time for the next part of my journey.

Zootopia

Intergalactic Travel lists Zootopia as the Number 4 most visited city in the cosmos. A real hotspot for animal and nature lovers, Zootopia is commended for its beautifully structured city with a variety of climates and environments. Animals come in small, normal, and giant sizes, with means to accommodate them all, and this proved convenient for various types of tourists.

It began in the morning when a train full of monkeys drove into the city. Cannons boomed from the train’s windows, blasting buildings and streets as the Mobians began crying in fear. Police copters flew over the train, allowing leopard officers to nimbly dive onto the vessel. They broke inside as a cramped and chaotic brawl with the apes commenced.

“Chief Bogo, our men have infiltrated the train.” the pilot reported.

“Good! See that they capture every last one of those-” replied the buffalo before he was interrupted.

“Chief, there are five ships coming in from the coast! They kind of look like Viking ships.”

“CHIEF! The Rainforest District is under attack! S-Some kind of flying ship with storm clouds!”

As the Forsaken Float loomed imposingly over the rainforest, a storm was brewing under the will of Helmaroc’s wings. “CAAAAAAAWWW!” The massive bird FLASHED with lightning, and his feathers became spiked and yellow and black! His powerful electricity descended onto the rainforest, and when it mixed with the water, the citizens suffered serious injuries.

“Mom, look!” a jaguar boy pointed at Helmaroc in awe. “It’s the Legendary Pokémon Zapdos—AAAAHH!” He and his mom were struck by lightning.

Hawk officers flew toward Helmaroc and fired bullets, but they were easily destroyed by lightning. The hawks closed in on the giant bird, swiftly dodging his electric feathers. Two of the hawks flew in a circle and combined their firebending, sending a large flaming beam, but Helmaroc quickly flapped his wings and pushed the fire back with wind. However, a third hawk dive-bombed from the sky, intending to impale Helmaroc with a Haki beak. Helmaroc saw him, so the bird fell and allowed the fire beam to continue, causing the hawk to get burned.

“Whoops! Sorry, Hawkins-” said one of the fire hawks, but he and his friend were pecked by Master Necky and Necky Sr., pulling the hawks apart with hook-like beaks. Afterwards, the Neckies coughed giant nuts with bullet speed, aptly hitting the hawks in the nuts. Airships soared into the area and launched missiles, but Helmaroc used lightning to redirect them down to the rainforest, explosions all around. The airships were then shot down by the Forsaken Float’s cannons.

“CAAAAW! CAAAAAW!” cheered the Helmaroc King.

“‘Silly animals! You’re no match for my new power!’” one of the hawks translated. “‘Dr. Clown gifted me with the Bird-Bird Fruit, Model: Zapdos, harnessed from the Legendary Bird itself!’”

“Well, if he’s confessing to killing a Legendary Bird, then he’s asking for a longer sentence!” Bogo stated.

“Ch-Ch-Ch-Chief, y-y-you remember those Viking ships I mentioned? Well, they froze Sahara Square.”

“What. The. Frick?”

An ice dragon had been unleashed from Lord Fredrik’s horn, turning the desert district into snow. “Ahhh, Schnee Dust’s finest.” Fredrik said, patting his horn. “Only fitting. I heard Schnee’s not very friendly with the Mobians.”

Polar bear officers were sent into the area, moving snow away from the freezing camels and other civilians, and using their icebending, they sent waves of snow at the Snowmads. Fredrik easily blew a gap through the snow with his horn, then he imbued the tool with Haki to attack the charging polar bears. Fredrik was trapped inside a chunk of ice, but the bears were struck by feathers from the owl general, Skowl, hindering their bending. Bashmaster, the polar bear Snowmad, charged at his same-species foes and swung his hammer to strike them in one swing. Fredrik escaped from the ice and shot ice fists from the horn to knock the bears out.

Armed trucks drove up, and officers perched their selves on top with miniguns. Fredrik hardened the top of his body and charged for the first truck, knocking the officers off-balance when he rammed it. Fredrik used his great strength to lift the truck and throw it into another one. Fredrik used his horn to blow a wave of snow and topple the third truck over, and then he fired ice chunks into the air to rain onto the fourth truck.

The tiny citizens of Little Rodentia were going about their daily business when Moge-ko peeped over the entrance wall, eying them like a hungry kitten. When she and her Mogekos pounced the fence, the air rang with tiny screams, and the poor rodents were caught in Mogekos’ mouths. “This city was begging to be destroyed by a kaiju wannabe. Squish! Smash! Smoosh!” Moge-ko happily kicked buildings down as if they were toys.

General Scales charged through Downtown as he slashed his claws through several citizens. When he licked the blood off, his Prey-Prey Fruit activated, causing the other nearby Mobians to attack those people and feast on them like prey. T-rexes stormed through the city, led by their leader, the Red-Eye King, using their own skulls to crumble buildings. In other parts of town, Lightfoots wielded spears as they nimbly dodged officers and stabbed them. Elephant officers stampeded toward Snowhorns (mammoths), and the prehistoric mammals brought down their modern counterparts with little strife.

Chief Bogo barreled toward Scales and rammed the humanoid carnivore, Scales using Haki to push him back. He tried to cut Bogo’s back, but a vest protected him, and the buffalo was able to grab his arm, haul him over, and slam him to the ground. A rhino officer leapt and Ground Pounded Scales, but the Kommander bit the rhino’s foot and drank blood. It was then that Bogo was tempted to attack his subordinate and bite him. “AAH! Chief, what are you doing?!”

“I’m sorry! I don’t know what’s come over me!” Bogo cried. Scales was able to shove them off and recover. In order to restrain himself, Bogo grabbed a muzzle and put it over his own mouth, afterwards throwing furious punches at Scales. The reptile used his sword to block him, spinning and whipping his tail at Bogo’s legs to knock him down. The rhino charged at Scales, but the dinosaur sliced off his horn, followed by slashing his cheeks with metal claws, drawing blood as the rhino fainted. Scales proceeded to stamp Bogo in the muzzled face.

The Jungle Division had gone to invade Tundra Town. Leaving his Krewmen to raise havoc, Manky Kong was sitting before a group of polar bears with his arms crossed. “In a few hours, this entire city will be under Kremling Krew kontrol.” Manky told the mafia. “Now, since you’re a crime syndicate in this land, I would like to offer you the chance to work for us. Do so and we can promise you control of the city. If you don’t, you’ll end up as K. Rool’s slaves. Is that a fair compromise?”

From far away, it looked like the tallest polar bear was the boss. However, it was actually the little tuxedo-wearing mouse in his hand, Mr. Big. “Well, when ya put it that way, it looks like I can’t refuse.” the mouse replied. “Alright, I’ll bite. On one condition: there’s someone else I want you to protect.”

Far north of the city, ZPD Officers Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde were bolting across the bridge to the Grand Hall. “Good thing the chancellor is still on holiday, huh Carrots?” Nick said.

“Yeah, and she’ll have our jobs if she comes back and finds this mess—WHOA!” Two gushes of water sprouted up and smashed onto the bridge trying to catch them. Two teenage Fishkids, a boy and girl, leapt onto the bridge, but they were actually fish Faunus. Judy swiftly dodged their Water Whips and sprung at them with headbutts, and while they were down, Nick zapped them into submission with a Taser.

Their ears perked up, and Nick ducked to dodge a whip, wielded by the invisible chameleon Faunus, Ilia Amitola. From the direction of the Grand Hall, Adam Taurus and Sienna Khan blocked the officers’ route, weapons at the ready. “Why are you White Fang still causing us trouble?” Judy asked. “The city began to accept Faunus ages ago.”

“Open your eyes, Long Ears.” Adam stated. “The White Fang were born from hatred and we LIVE off of hatred! Prejudice doesn’t just go away, it lives inside all of us, and K. Rool is going to wake it up!”

“’Guess not everyone is keen on evolving.” Nick figured. The fox fired a Shock Rod at Sienna, who dodged and whipped her Chain Whip in turn. Nick was caught in Ilia’s whip, suffering a shock, but Judy hopped behind Ilia and kicked her into Adam. Now free, Nick ran around Sienna with swift speed, confusing the captain before landing a few direct hits with the Shock Rod.

Adam tried to cut Judy with his sword Wilt, the rabbit dodging and leaping to kick him when a chance presented itself. “Attention all Krewmen, this is Manky Kong.” A voice spoke in Adam’s earpiece. “I’ve just made an alliance with the mafia, but in return, they request the safe capture of a rabbit named ‘Judy Hopps.’”

“What?!” Adam questioned, glancing at Judy’s badge. “Well, isn’t this your lucky day, little bunny.” Adam turned his sword and pulled back, locking tight on the officer in question. He focused intently on her quick movements, and found the perfect chance to zip past her and CLONK her in the head with the back of Wilt. Such a move would normally kill his opponent, but in this case, Judy was knocked clean out.

“Carrots!” Nick yelled, but Sienna’s Chain Whip slashed him in the hip.

The White Fang heard a terrific splash and saw the Grand Hall being enveloped in a great gush of poison water, controlled by Ineptune. “By the time the army or the Kids Next Door get here, it’ll be too late. They’ll have fallen into our trap!”

Hours later, all ZPD officers were defeated, and all the Mobian citizens were being forcibly escorted to Downtown. Among them were all the Mobians that the pirates had captured beforehand from various regions. It was around this time that the Hideout Helm was sailing from the horizon. “Right on schedule!” Fredrik smirked. “Time to see if the project is a success. Clear all the Krewmen away from town! We don’t wanna be caught up in this blast!”

King Kroctus breathed the scent of the Mobian sea as he stood within the mouth of the fortress. “I may have Kommand over several territories, but one thing I don’t have that Big Mom has is my own planet. Ideally, the perfect planet for me is one dominated by animals. But because Mobians are so intelligent, my Conqueror’s Haki will do little to control them. However, all Mobians have the mannerisms of common animals in their first couple years of life. All I need to do is revert their mentalities to infant age, and their strength will be mine to Kommand! KLAMMY, PREPARE THE CANNON!”

Medical wing

Deku’s consciousness returned to him as Kami finished wrapping his arms and legs in bandages. “I never wanted things to go this far.” Kami said. “If I was forced to work with K. Rool, I at least wanted to try and protect the people he hurts. I just wanted Kimaya to return safely from her mission so we could spend the rest of our lives in peace. I’m really sorry for what we’re doing to your friend… but if there’s even a slim chance she can restore Kimaya’s flesh, I had to take it.”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses.” Deku replied hoarsely. “If you’re not going to help us, then I don’t care.”

“Hmmm…” Kami sighed before facing up at the monitor, which displayed the king overlooking Zootopia. “If I were any younger, I would be just like him. I would be shouting at him to help my daughter or I would kick his ass all the way across the planet. But I just don’t have the strength to hold true to it. While I was trying to live a normal life, he got stronger… and now, even I shrink in his Conqueror’s Haki.”

“FIRE!!” Kroctus bellowed. The Blast-O-Matic unleashed its beam once again, the Kommanders gazing in awe as it lay a direct blow to City Hall. The Mobians screamed as it erupted into a blinding explosion, swallowing all within Downtown’s borders. There were roars, caws, and squeaks as every Mobian in the city began rampaging like wild animals. Hearing all this mayhem, King Kroctus spread his Haki all the way across town. Immediately, all the mindless animals ceased and faced the ominous floating fortress.

“BY THE POWER vested in me, by the almighty Leptys, I pronounce myself your RULER! At last, I can truly take my place as Supreme King of Animalia! Zootopia will serve as our new base of operations! But it will not stop there. My Kremlings have already deployed satellites into this world’s atmosphere, programmed to redirect the Blast-O-Matic’s laser across the globe. One by one, we will target every major nation and city until EVERY LAST Mobian has been reverted to primitive stages!”

“ROOOOOOAAAAAARRRR!” roared all his Kommanders.

“Now then, I suspect Kids Next Door operatives will be here any minute. I see no reason why we can’t assimilate them as well. A new age on Planet Mobius begins now!”

“Marvelous, simply marvelous!” Klammy Rool beamed. “I’ll start recharging the cannon posthaste!”

“P-Please…please…” Klammy cocked a brow, hearing Eri’s hoarse voice. “Please let me heal Deku-san…”

“Sorry, dear, but my brother doesn’t need any more nuisances. We’re going to konquer Mobius and you’re going to stay put and feed us more energy!”

“Well, what about me?!” Klammy then looked over to Harvey Harper, who was restrained by two Kops. “You promised you would free my friends if I helped with your project!”

“We’re not finished with you yet, boy! We may still need your emotionbending to repower the Rainbow Crown. But don’t worry, we’ll free your friends as soon as we completely take over Mobius.”

“Sigh… Had a feeling you’d say that.” Harvey said in defeat. I really hope Madotsuki was able to spread the message.

Kami escorted Deku to the prison wing, the boy obediently following her. With no sign of resistance, he walked into the holding cell where Koji, Ochaco, and Asui were placed. The shutter-door sealed them in, and two Kops stood guard. “Hey, Nurse, patch my wounds up next!” Jake hissed. “That kiddo cut me good!”

“Go treat yourself!”

“Hmph!” Jake slithered away in a huff.

Kami turned to leave, mentally hoping they had an escape plan. She felt someone tap her back and angrily turned, “I don’t really feel like talking… now?” To her confusion, nobody was there.

“You seem like you don’t like K. Rool.”

Kami gasped, hearing a close-by voice, yet seeing nothing. “Don’t panic!” the voice said in a whisper. “I’m Invisible Girl! I’m with Sector U.A., too.”

“Invisible… Girl?” Kami reached and felt around. She gasped when she felt a solid mass.

“Listen, I don’t suppose you have your own email account?”

“Um, I do. Why?”

“Would you be willing to send an email to my school? It would really help if they know the situation.”

“Um, okay, I guess.”

“Great! I really appreciate it, Ms. Kami!”

“Hehe…” Kami blushed. It lightened her conscience to be able to help these operatives.

Deku could only stare at his bandaged hands as they sat defeated in their cell. Froppy crawled to the corner of her cell, a glob traveling up her throat, and Kodai was ejected from her mouth. The doll-size girl was quivering from the dampness and her fear. “I’m sorry, Yui. If I had spat you out, he might’ve eaten you.”

“I-i-i-it’s fine. Tsu… are we going to be okay?”

“I don’t know… Hey, Deku. I don’t suppose you have a plan?”

“There’s nothing else we can do.” Deku replied. “We were outmatched and the rest of our group is captured. We’ll just have to hope the GKND or someone come to our rescue.”

“Deku…” Ochaco had never seen Deku in such despair. She wanted to give him courage, reinvigorate his fighting spirit and follow him to an otherwise impossible victory. But they were utterly humiliated, half their sector against one opponent and they were defeated. Perhaps it was up to a greater army of operatives to step in with a much higher chance of victory, and hope they could defeat K. Rool, his Kommanders, and his army. But even if they were rescued, this experience would haunt Deku for life. In his mind, he failed to rescue or keep Eri safe and he disgraced his Kids Next Door.

One week later

“Tragedy continues to befall the world of Mobius as the Kremling Krew lay devastating blows across the planet.” Linda reported on Intergalactic News.

“Indeed, it has been one week since the first attack on Zootopia was recorded.” Morbo followed. “The Kremlings struck almost out of nowhere, but have made swift work in marking the planet’s largest capitals as their own. The lesson here is, a puny human like Dr. Eggman had no chance of dominating a world of animals. Even if he spent his entire life trying to rule Mobius, a superior animal such as King K. Rool was able to accomplish the same task in less than a day.”

The clouds submitted to the whim of the Helmaroc King’s wings, so only darkness covered Zootopia’s sky. A gigantic flag of the Krew’s Jolly Roger towered over City Hall, flapping in the wind, alongside smaller flags of the Snowmad, Sharpclaw, White Fang, and even Specter’s logos.

“Seems like a fair trade.” Mr. Big said as a primal Nick Wilde brought them some glasses of juice, carrying a tray on his head. “But I’m curious… how much is your king planning to Revert? The entire world?”

“As far as I know, only the major nations. Then perhaps the rest of Mobius will follow.”

Moge-ko became the ruler of Rodentia, sitting on a throne in the middle of the tiny town while primal mice were tending to her feet. “Eeny meeny miney mouse, catch my supper by its—you.” She snatched an unsuspecting mouse and ate him in one bite.

Sahara Square was the only district the clouds didn’t cover, and it served as the White Fangs’ new base. The Sharpclaw Pirates occupied the Meadowlands, with lots of space for their dinosaurs to roam and chase Mobians as much as they pleased.

Rattlesnake Jake was swiftly dodging bullets from Mobian rebels in a downtown street. He fired an electric sphere from his tail at one soldier, and it linked the other soldiers with electricity, knocking them out. “You on the other side of the law now, pardners!” Jake declared, flashing his gold sheriff badge.

King K. Rool sat in the open mouth of Hideout Helm, guzzling a barrel of grape juice as the Blast-O-Matic unleashed another beam to the heavens. Trusting his brother’s calculations, he knew that another major city had been Reverted to primal stages. He finished the barrel in seconds and placed it on Bogo’s back, the former police chief crawling away. “Isn’t life beautiful, Kami?! This is what happens when you persevere! Not only are the Kremlings conquering Mobius, but the Brotherhood agents that were sent to Sweetopia have stolen one of Big Mom’s own generals! If The Butcher cooperates with us, I will have the Royal Linlin Cake in my treasury!”

“Mm-hm.” Kami was beyond uninterested. “We still haven’t saved Kimaya, yet.”

“You know, Kami, it must be engrained into your DNA to put a downer on everyone’s good time. Look, I just sent word to Gruntilda, we’re going to test Eri’s ability on her. …Oh, there she is now!”

A honey comb ship descended and hovered near the open mouth. A robotic body marched off, a glass container in place of a head, containing a crescent-shaped skull. “This weapon you found must live up to the hype! Give me a body, K. Rool, or I’ll hit you with a pipe!”

“Right this way, Gruntilda.” K. Rool pushed himself off the chair and marched into the base. “Klammy, Grunty is here! Shut down the machine for a moment.”

“Okay, Brother.” The scientist obeyed, and the pipe that was sucking on Eri’s horn detached itself. “Good news, Golden Hive Colony, your people can keep their intelligence for a few moments longer. Though considering they are Charmy’s people, perhaps they haven’t much intelligence to spare.”

Kroctus and Grunty entered the laboratory as the latter’s robotic body lifted the skull out of its container. “Just very quickly touch her body. With the amount of power she is producing, there’s no telling how much she can Revert you.”

With caution, the robotic body held Grunty closer, touching the tip of her chin to Eri. In a sudden FLASH, a body of bones formed under her skull, then guts, organs, and flesh, as if her body was Rewinding through the process of decay. Gruntilda pushed the robot down and backed away from the girl quickly.

“Ack kack…ack kack… RAK KA HA HA HA HA HA!” Gruntilda felt immense weight on her own feet, as she completely forgot how it felt to have a real body. The sight of her own green, long-nailed hands, and the bulbous belly that blocked the floor, filled her with pure glee. “All these ages I couldn’t sleep… The years I’ve gone without seeing my feet… TIME FOR THIS BOD TO HIT THE STREET!”

“OH, FOR GOD’S SAKE!” Kami cried, immediately shielding her eyes. Kroctus joined her in blindness, for no one could bear to look at the horrid sight.

“Oh, look at yourself, K. Rool! You’re naked AND green, you big old tool!” Gruntilda argued.

“FIND A PAIR OF CLOTHES or I’ll skin you back to BONES!” Kroctus bellowed.

“Luckily, I had some in here.” Grunty opened a trunk on her former robot body, using magic to quickly dress herself in her classic black attire. “In case my beauty drove you to fear. And speaking of which, you might like to see, what a certain bitch has been up to lately!” Grunty snapped her fingers and poofed a newspaper into being.

Kroctus took the paper, and his eyes widened upon seeing the headline. “WHAT?!” He hastily skimmed the article in question. “Impossible! I can’t BELIEVE Mandy has already conquered a planet while I’m just getting started with this one!”

“She has?” Kami asked, curious.

“But of course she cheated. Just look at this article! She always takes the easy way, never getting her hands dirty.”

“Well, that sort of works in our favor. We would’ve had to attack her to rescue my daughter, so while we’re doing that, we can ruin her victory party.”

“Hurrr… Since the test on Gruntilda has proven successful, I suppose I can’t make excuses, anymore. But this complicates things, Kami. In order to crush Mandy’s military, as well as her spirits, I’ll need to bring all the Reverted Mobians I can amass! Klammy, restart the machine!” The king stomped out of the room. Kami was about to protest, but soon realized such a task was pointless with him. “We’re going to blast five more towns, then we’ll gather the Mobians before making preparations.”

“Are you certain invading Mandy’s forces is a good idea? When the Brotherhooders steal Big Mom’s cake and bring it here, you’ll have to fight them, too.” Klammy reasoned.

“There hasn’t been Four Pirate Emperors alive at the same time in nearly 200 years. In these past few months, we’ve been at each other’s throats. The Pirate Wars are going to begin again, so if we try to avoid battling two or three crews at once, we’ll shame the pirate world. In fact, I think around the same time the villains bring us the cake, we will attack the Boogey Pirates! And I’m positive the Sky God Pirates will be attracted to the conflict, desperate to liberate the planets from our rule.”

“Wait just a minute!” Kami shouted. “It’s going to be hard enough invading Mandy’s forces, why are we dragging the other pirates into it?! Saving Kimaya’s going to be impossible!”

“I made it clear that I’m only following your requests out of kindness. They are not my priority.”

“Why do you want to start a war with them, anyway?!”

“Because I am a strict follower of the tradition of pirating. According to the Pirates’ Code, the title of Pirate King is rewarded to the single strongest pirate in all the worlds. The Pirate Wars took place because the Emperors at the time sought that very title. And whoever achieved the rank of King would amass the crews of the other Emperors, creating the largest band of outlaws in the universe!”

“So, you wanna beat the other Emperors just to prove you’re the strongest pirate?”

“While I do have every intent to win, it won’t matter if I lose. As soon as there’s a Pirate King, my good friend Bowser will step in and steal their crown. He will shatter Queen Sherry, he will smash Lord Mandy, and he’ll squeeze Skaios in the palm of his hand. Then, with all of our armies at his disposal, the Kids Next Door will be powerless!”

“Fine, but I’m staying out of it. If you don’t mind, I’ll be thinking up a strategy to locate and rescue Kimaya. And I would appreciate it if you had a transport ready for us after I restore her.”

“It’s a deal. I’ll also lend you as many Kremlings as you need.”

“Sigh… Thanks.” With a calmer mind, Kami walked upstairs to her room. Kroctus watched her leave in silence.

“Some ladies are just too hard to please, ain’t they?” Kroctus perked up at the country accent, glancing back as Jake slithered up.

“On break from patrol, are we?”

“Yeh, and Ah couldn’t help but overhear.” Jake casually slithered around the king. “Why you put up with a skinny little harlot like that?”

Kroctus STOMPED the snake, acid hacking out of his mouth like a hose. “She may be a weakling, but I still treasure our battle. I respect any opponent that is able to give me a challenge. Besides… as much as I hate to admit it, I did kill her father. Therefore, saving her daughter is the least I can do. But I still must maintain my authority. I am the top DNA and I must prove it.”

“COUGH! Respect, en’t it? I know a thing or two about that. What about them Superbian kids? They weren’t good enough for ya?”

“Ever since I was reborn, I’ve yet to find anyone that could reignite my drive. Those metahumans were no different. But that is why I am determined to win the Pirate Wars, because when I’m crowned King, Bowser will have to fight ME!”

“Ah thought you were on the same side?”

“Of course we are. We’ve been friends since childhood, and that’s exactly why I must be the one to fight him! The two strongest reptiles facing off will be a battle to be remembered for ages! At last, someone who’s worthy of my Golden Fury!”

“G-Golden Fury?”

“I may not be a Haki Master, but I was still able to develop a Fury Mode exclusive to my Armament Haki.”

“Good golly, you have to show me!”

“I only use it for opponents who are worthy, which so far has been no one. When I battle the Emperors, you may get to see it, though I personally hope they won’t earn the honor.”

“I know a good opponent! Nigel Uno, from Planet Earth! Let’s lure him up here and you can thrash him!”

“You do realize that boy has been dead for three years, right?”

Jake’s pupils shrunk. “Beg pardon?”

“Yes. Earth’s former rulers did him in. Now, get back to your post.” Kroctus returned to the laboratory. Jake bowed his head and took off his hat in respect.

Kroctus approached Eri once again, gazing at her with interest. “There is one thing you’ve yet to tell me, however. You called yourself a tool… but what kind of tool are you?”

“This Truth Potion will make her talk.” Gruntilda replied, taking a bottle out of her robot. “Or else it’s the plank you will walk!”

“There’s no need.” Eri replied in a calm tone. “Even if he knows what I am… I won’t let him use me.”

“Heh heh heh. And what do you call this situation?” Kroctus asked humorously.

“When that woman unlocked my mind, I remembered my true identity. I am not just a Time Demon… I am the Infinity Weapon, Etherion.”

“Eth…Etherion?” Kroctus grew even more intrigued. “Infinity Weapon?”

“A weapon that which possesses infinite power. There are only four in existence, but I don’t know of the other ones. But what I do know… is that we choose our masters. And I… do not choose you.”

“Is that so?” Kroctus asked, glaring suspiciously.

“Yes. The one I choose to wield me is Deku-san. You can absorb my chi all you want… but I will not allow you to wield me. I know Deku-san will escape and save me… and when he does, you should be worried.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun, actually. But if you possess infinite power, then tell me this: do you have the potential to destroy the gods? To erase them from existence?”

“… … Yes.”

“Then if I were to defeat Emperor Skaios and force him to touch you, I would be rid of him?!”

“If anyone touches me for too long, they will indeed be erased. Yes.”

“Then it is time for the Pirate Wars to begin!”

Planet Hyrule; Castle Town

“BIG NEEEEEEWS!” cried Big Bird, recording the exciting ceremony that was transpiring. “For nearly 4,000 years, the Kingdom of Hyrule has been without its true ruler! Princess Zelda and the royal family remained on Earth while her people have migrated to a new planet. Although a stand-in family have managed the kingdom, they have left the throne unoccupied, forever awaiting their princess’s return. At long last, that time is now… but just LOOK WHO IT IS!!”

This should have been a wonderful moment for the Hyruleans, for every single race and the rulers of every region were in attendance. Yet, the once-happy citizens sulked in fear of the demons that overfilled their town. A squat minister approached the queen at the top of the towering altar, gently placing the crown over her horn-shaped blonde hair. “Um… a-all hail the new Queen of Hyrule, the descendant of Princess Zelda.” And she stood as all citizens were forced to meet her terrifying glare. “Mandy McKenzie! May she lead our world to ever-lasting glory!”

I was planning for the conflict to end on a hopeless note anyway, so I couldn’t find a way to drag it out. I think I got the point across that K. Rool is a monstrous mammal who could even beat up U.A.. Lol I have nothing against U.A. at all, I love these characters… unfortunately, K. Rool got here first. And plus, the main point of this story was developing Kroctus in general, and I think I did well with establishing his personality and beliefs. Now, stay tuned when we return with Mandy and the Boogey Pirates, in Operation: MONARCH!

Chapter Text

Welcome to the 3rd Emperor Prequel story! This one will be centered around Mandy McKenzie, one of the Gameverse’s longest-running characters who are still relevant!

“Jareeeeed!”

No, not you, Mandy. X,3 This one’s an evil queen and you’re a precious princess.

Boogey Coast; four years ago

The flames of the sinking ship rose to the dark sky. It happened in the dead of night: the phantom vessel preyed on the unsuspecting sailors, awaiting their chance to devour them in sapphire embers. Now as their souls ascend to the heavens, only one survivor remains.

Eight-year-old Himiko was dragged aboard the dark vessel, her vision blotted by demonic hands clasping at her. They left her in the back of a cell, shivering. Aside from the corpses of demons, she was all alone in the darkness. For five hours, she sat in despair, until a green demon with long black hair, resembling a hippy, walked in. “Captain Mandy says she will spare your life, but in return, you must help with the chores. You’ll obey all the crewmen’s orders, except for ones that will directly endanger your life. If you work hard, you’ll also be given food and water.”

“I-I-I want my mom and dad…”

“Sorry, but the captain says you will remain here indefinitely. If you wish to be taken home, you’ll have to ask her directly.”

“W-Will you take me to her?”

“Alright. But you’ll have to do the talking.”

The demons passed horrid glances to Himiko as Creeper led her upstairs. They smelled her despair and wanted a taste of it. Himiko stayed close to Creeper, believing he was the safest person to be around. “Okay. She’s in here.” Creeper stopped beside a door with the crew’s Jolly Roger: the skull of a frowning, scowling girl with horn-shaped blonde hair. Himiko could already feel an unsettling air. That was before she opened the door.

It felt like a hurricane was trying to blow her back, except it was not wind, but Fear itself. Within all that black and red, a face peered at Himiko, sensually licking its big grinning teeth. If Himiko set foot in the room, that mouth would lick her dry. “Mmmmmm!” Sobbing, she ran down the stairs and into the lower cabin.

Creeper walked after her, finding her crying against the wall. “Start in here.” The demon dropped a pale and mop beside her before leaving her be.

Himiko had been the Boogey Pirates’ slave for four months. She rarely spoke and did as she was told, cleaning toilets with filth whose noxious scent could kill, feeding the sea monsters who would try to eat her, and preparing food for the captain’s banquets with her Commanders. When not working, she was forced to remain in her cell, but once a day every few days, Creeper would gather up crumbs and leftovers for her to eat. At those times, she would ask him, “M-May I please speak to the captain?”

She made a bit more progress each time. On the 2nd visit, she moved her toes into Mandy’s cabin, but retreated in a flash. The 3rd visit, she put her foot in before running. Then it was half a leg. Then a whole leg. She stepped on the floor of the cabin. Next, she started with the other leg. After a month and a half, her whole body could enter the cabin. But the ravenous face still awaited her. The Creeper assured her that it was an illusion and wouldn’t hurt her, but it didn’t soothe her fears. It took a lot of strength to merely get her foot in the door, but she would need more to get her feet over to Lord Mandy.

“It’s kind of sad, really.” Commander Azula said during a banquet. “My brother hasn’t learned an ounce of firebending ever since our battle. All his proud talk about honor and personal growth and he’s barely learned a thing. He barely resisted when we took over Ember Island.”

“Aye, strong warriors are a rarity in this day and age.” Commander Cortez, a skeleton in a black trenchcoat, replied. “You should’ve seen the pirates I clashed with 1,000 years ago.”

“Hey, who’s that kid?” asked Cindy Cortix, the captain’s daughter.

Himiko flinched, realizing she’d been noticed, and went back to scrubbing the deck. She could still feel their glares on her, so she restrained on looking up. Mandy was at the top of the stairs, and Himiko could still feel her powerful aura, yet the Commanders were completely unphased. They were clearly adapted to Mandy’s presence and did not fear her as much. Even on a casual dinner, she was still too scary to approach.

Himiko steadily built up her courage for four months, her same pair of clothes growing more ragged, and her body becoming filthier. This was barely any different than the ship she had been on before. She had been taken from servitude and forced into more servitude. Would Lord Mandy even set her free if she asked her? If she actually cared, she would have done so by now. That’s what Himiko was afraid of, and it was that very fear that pushed her away from the captain. She may just have to accept the fact she would always be a slave. And when she accepted this inevitability, her fear dwindled.

She walked into Mandy’s cabin once again. Himiko had buried her emotions and concealed her fear, fully prepared for Mandy’s cold response. She walked slowly, past the mouth’s teeth, only tensing a little when it licked her. But once she was past, she was at Lord Mandy’s back. The captain drunk a bottle of wine as she focused on her videogame. “C-C-C-Captain Mandy…”

“Sigh… What?”

“I-I-I…I want to go home. I wanna see Mom and Dad…”

She drunk the wine again. After seven seconds, she put it down and replied, “Go back to your cell.”

The very response she expected. “’kay.” Himiko bowed her head and walked out. As expected, Mandy’s heart was as cold as her aura. As they said, she cared for no one but herself. She wouldn’t care if Himiko died in her cell. She was already rotting away as it is. And if she died, they could easily kidnap another child. Besides, Himiko’s family had little money. These pirates couldn’t even demand a ransom.

Another month passed and Himiko lay half-dead in her cell after a day’s work. Just as she prepared to drift to sleep, Creeper opened her cell. “Oi, get up. The captain wants you.”

Curious, Himiko groggily stood and followed him. Lord Mandy was wearing a dreary indigo raincoat with sunglasses, despite the sky being cloudy and gloomy. “Get on.” she ordered. Himiko climbed on a boat with a Bokoblin, and Mandy joined as it was lowered to the sea. The Bokoblin rowed it to the nearby shore, no sound but the brushing of waves. Then, when at shore, Mandy and Himiko stepped off. The captain directed her into the back seat of a shabby gray car. The child obeyed, and Mandy took the driver’s seat.

They drove in darkness for five hours. Himiko stayed in silence, too nervous to even fiddle with her fingers. She wasn’t as afraid of her as before, but she wondered why Mandy was taking her this far. Perhaps she was planning to sell Himiko for a hefty amount. Still, how much of a profit could she make with such a worn-out slave.

Mandy parked the car on the outskirts of a village. Himiko silently and obediently followed her. She no longer cared where or why Mandy was taking her. Himiko had nowhere else to go, so any attempt of rebuttal or rebellion was pointless. Still, she couldn’t help but feel this place was… familiar. Why, this neighborhood almost looked like…

“Okay, do any of these look like your house?” Mandy asked. Himiko gasped lightly. Upon careful observation, she recognized it as her hometown. A faint morning light was shining over the horizon. Himiko wandered around before spotting what was no doubt her house. She jogged up to it and knocked on the door.

After a few minutes, a chubby man answered, along with his wife. “H-Himiko!”

“Mom! Dad!”

The parents embraced their daughter, finally warming her after five months of cold and darkness. They didn’t care of her filth and stench at this moment, they only wished to comfort her and welcome her home. “I’m so glad you’re finally back. How did you escape? Did someone…”

“Yeah! It was…” Himiko turned, expecting Lord Mandy to be there. The dreaded captain hadn’t followed her. Himiko led her parents outside the village, but neither Mandy or her distant parked car were around. It was as if she had left without even confirming if Himiko found her home.

“Sigh…” Mandy sighed, making the long journey back across the road. “Damn government slave-traders… making me waste all this time for an ungrateful brat.”

A few years afterward; December, 2035

“Cap’n Mandy may act like a devil, but she be a soft little wench, she is!” Captain Slag said on Pirate Radio.

“She didn’t earn the Emperor position at all!” Baron K. Rool said. “She scared the media into giving her the title. Although, I believe her relatives in the Kids Next Door attributed to the fact. They were already formidable back in those days, she probably used them to make her seem more powerful.”

“Ah, Lord Mandy’s all bark and no bite.” Augustus Fizzuras said. “She’s a big ol’ softy! She even helped me defend the Noah.”

These radio reports replaying in her mind, Mandy wobbled drunkly up the damp city street. Her bags had grown darker than her eyes. No matter how much she drunk, she couldn’t get the memories out of her head. She was the laughing stock of the pirate world, especially after her humiliating defeat at the hands of Affright. That’s what she got for helping Nolan in his mission. Just another example of her generosity… her weakness…

Mandy fell over in the car as Creeper drove her back to the ship. “You’re becoming a real load, Captain.” her minion said as he helped walk her to the cabin. “But you’re still better than Boogey.”

Koriko, Gotland

“Hm hm hm hmmmmm! Hm hm hm hmmmm!” Kiki Yamaka hummed a merry tune as she blissfully swept the floor of the bakery. The weather called for a beautiful day, so the young witch was eager to make deliveries. She heard a jingle and whirled around. “Good morning, how may we help you today?”

She was face-to-face with darkness in the form of Mandy McKenzie. The pirate’s glare wrought of death. “KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” Kiki was immediately on her knees, pounding her forehead to the floor. “L-Lord Mandy!! How kind of you to greet our humble shop!!”

“SHUT UP, Kiki!” Mandy yelled with an eye half-closed. Kiki’s head shot up, pale as Mandy tipped a sword to her neck. “You never cut off your hands like; like I asked you.” She murmured drunkly and swung the sword, and as Kiki dodged, Mandy whirled and fell against a shelf, all the items crashing down on her.

“LORD MANDY!” Creeper cried, bursting in. “Why the HELL were you driving the ship drunk?!”

“Nnn, I got sick of all the swaying and waving, I wanted a nice LAND to settle down on.”

“YOU DROVE THROUGH THE FUCKING TOWN! The anchor got tangled up on a playground!”

Outside, children were happily climbing the anchor’s chain. A gaping path had been cleared through the city as wide as the ship. “Look, Yu, I found some potions!”

“HEY! Those aren’t potions!” Creeper rushed back up to stop them.

“Kiki,” Osono walked in, “what’s all the commotion-” Mandy hit her with a Scare Stare. “AAAAAHHH!” She was dreaming that a chimpanzee in a diaper was beating her with a hotdog. The shop-owner ran upstairs.

“Ah’right Kiki, I’m takin’ over this town, GIMME the key to the city!”

“B-But I don’t have the key!”

“Well, fuck me and fuck a duck.” Mandy mindlessly swung her cutlass, Kiki dodging each time. “That damn duck screwed me over, I knew I shoulda got with that rabbit!”

“Eh… would you like to lie down, Lord Mandy? You seem a little tired.”

“I’M NOT TIRED!” Kiki flinched. “It’s those damn Emperors, those damn fucking pirates and their rumors and DUCKS… How DARE they call me soft! I’M NOT SOFT! I’m as hard as a…as a bunny rabbit.”

“The other Emperors have been saying bad things about you?”

“UUUUUUUGH.” She moaned like a dying hippo, then started crying. “I dunno what to do, Kiki! No one takes me seriously anymore. WHY did Sirius have to die?! Why couldn’t he live and tell me I’m a scary bitch? Why, I used to be the SCARIEST in the world before you KND became big city BIGSHOTS.”

“Lord Mandy, forgive me, but you seem to be having a midlife crisis.”

“Yeah, well if it’s the midway point, where’s my fucking power-up?!”

“Please, come sit down.” Kiki kindly led her to a chair. “There. Mom always said alcohol was bad for ya. It doesn’t help a witch fly and it doesn’t help a pirate sail! But you’ve been a pirate for about 23 years, right? Doesn’t it get exhausting?”

“Not as exhausting as your DRESS!!”

“Mmmm…” Kiki moaned, feeling sensitive about her old dress. “You know, a midlife crisis is another form of artist’s block. You just need to take a break and maybe think things over, I guess. Give yourself time to find a new motivation. Heck, maybe you’ll find that you wanna retire from pirating altogether. I’m sure there’re plenty of other jobs you can be good at.”

“I wanna be a WITCH Hunter.”

“KYAAAAAAAH! No, I didn’t mean that! Like, when you were a kid, is there something you always wanted to be?”

“Hnnnnuuuurrrr. I guess I…nnn-I always wanted to be a queen.”

“Kikikikiki.” Kiki grinned and laughed. “Yeah, we all wanna be queens. I, for one, wanna be Delivery Queen!”

“That TEARS it!” Mandy stretched up off the chair. “I’m gonna be QUEEN of the Pirates!”

“Mandy, I think you may have missed the point a tad.”

“Shut up, you damn fine turkey! I’m ’onna be a queen and YOU’RE gonna throw me a magic show with cake and tea, or I’mma…I’mma eat your fruitcake!” She lazily swung her arm and dropped to her knees.

“Eh hehe. I’m not that good of a magician, but perhaps Wendy could suffice.”

“Yeah, bu’yuh know what’s fucked up? Lizzie Devine is STILL alive. That fat pig hasn’t appeared ONCE in the entire Nextgen, but she’s still kickin’ and thinkin’ she’s relevant.”

“I don’t know who that is, and I doubt you do, too.”

“Ehhhhh, okay, I think I’m sobering up now.” Mandy stretched back to full height, bending her back. “Thank ye for the talk, Kiki. It was muy educational. I goin’ back to the ocean to throw up.” Mandy managed to navigate out of the bakery and climb the anchor to her ship. She reached the helm and tilted the Boogey Coast right-side-up, slowly backing it toward the sea.

Kiki could only watch awkwardly as dozens more buildings were pushed down, citizens screaming in the distance. “I really need a vacation…”

One advantage the Big Mom Pirates had was control over their own planet. So, if Mandy wanted to make the masses fear her again, she needed to rule a planet of her own. For the next several days, her crewmen had been researching possible planets to conquer. It couldn’t be just any meager planet like Aquaria or Glomour, it had to be a planet that could really draw peoples’ attention. Then, Creeper arrived with splendid news.

“Captain! I just found the PERFECT planet for us! It’s time for you to reclaim the throne you rightfully deserve!”

“Spill it.”

“I’m sure you know about the New Planet Hyrule. We did some reading up on it, and apparently it’s made up of descendants from the Hyruleans who once lived on Earth. The kingdom is ruled by a new royal family, but according to an ancient tradition, if descendants of Link or Zelda were to show up, the title of King, Queen, or whatever Monarch have you would be all theirs! All you’ll have to do is walk up to the front gates and say, ‘Hey, I’m here for my flippin’ throne!’ You’ll have to hand over some blood as part of a DNA test or something; ’course, knowing your reputation, that may not even be necessary.”

“Hmmm… I normally don’t enjoy doing things the easy way, but if it legally belongs to me, who’m I to argue?”

“Great! So, what say we set sail to Hyrule and make you a queen?”

“Hold on, Creeper. We need to do this properly. We need to let the people of Hyrule know how powerful we are.”

“You mean like an invasion?”

“Something like that.”

Hyrule Castle Town; January, 2036

Dressed in a sleek, sky-blue gown, Mandy was practically invisible to the Hyruleans. Even though this town had a medieval feel, the people dressed modern. She had to commend this world for aging well. Mandy visited a café and treated herself to some coffee. She checked her phone and confirmed the time: 1:40pm. Since it was close to the appointed time, Mandy calmly made her way to the castle. The first gates were left open for tourism, but the 2nd gates were closed. Two guards stood firmly before them.

“Ahem, hello, Miss.” A guard greeted. “Access beyond here is prohibited unless you have official business.”

“Oh, it’s official, alright.” Mandy tilted up her sunglasses. “Tell them the queen has returned.”

Of course, this was a rhetoric demand, for Mandy knew they wouldn’t let her in that easy. That’s why she trapped them in a nightmare and burst through the gates with her own strength. She crossed the drawbridge and approached the castle gates, powerfully knocking on them. A gardener creaked the door open. “Eh… May we help you?”

“This is my blood.” Mandy said, showing him a vial of red. “Is this enough to prove I’m Zelda’s descendant?”

“Oh ho ho. Well, Miss, I’ll happily have this examined, but you may be bound for disappointment, as have millions of others before you. Nearly every family in the world has submitted blood, even Gorons and Minish.”

“I think you’ll find my blood to bear more satisfying results.”

Gerudo Town

In the blistering heat of Gerudo Desert, Gerudo Town was a pleasant oasis with average temperature. Alas, temperatures were through the roof today as fires rained from the very heavens. Bronze-colored airships with fire insignias loomed over the oasis town as Flare Dancers and former Fire Nation soldiers drowned the Gerudo in flames.

Marching through the town gates was the Flame Division Commander, known as both “Blue Demolisher” and “Mandy’s spiritual sister,” Azula. She saw lightning bolts striking the ships from the center of town, and the culprit responsible was a young Gerudo with a very large braid of red hair. Azula smirked and shot her own lightning at the child, who gasped and dodged in a heartbeat. “You must be Lady Riju.” Azula said with a smirk. “Gerudo’s youngest chief in centuries.”

“Chief, Leader of the Gerudo KND, and a rather proficient lightningbender.” Riju replied. “And who might you be, Outsider?”

“I would think I’m quite famous to you people. Why, 23 years ago, I briefly fought with your king, Ganon.”

“We do not speak of that monster!” Riju unleashed a bolt at Azula, who effortlessly caught it on her fingers and directed it at a building. Angered, Riju drew her sword, Scimitar of the Seven, and leapt off the roof to battle Azula. Her feet aflame, Azula’s kicks met with Riju’s electric blade, but the fallen princess merely withstood and built up the Electric Chi in her body. Azula flipped away and struck a bolt at Riju, who easily deflected it skyward, leaving her defenseless as Azula struck her with a Fire Dart.

Azula is infamous as the former princess of the Avatar Realms’ Fire Nation. Having been locked in solitary confinement, she was rescued and recruited by the Brotherhood of Evil. It was during that time she found a kinship with Mandy, whom was also involved with them. After the Firstborn Quest, Azula and some rogue Fire Soldiers joined Mandy’s crew, and she found a new purpose in life as Mandy’s right-hand.

Somewhere on the sea

“Steel your hearts, men!” ordered Prince Sidon, bravely piercing Poes with his trident. “These ghouls may be all soul, but they’re lacking in soul!”

“That makes no sense!” yelled a Zora sailor with beaming eyes. “But he said it so coolly!!”

A Zora trade vessel was under attack by a ghostly blue and black vessel known as the Black Skull. “Let us see what Hyrule’s sailors have to offer! Yohohohohoho!” laughed Cortez, forming a swarm of swords and hooks in the air from his ghostly aura. One by one, the blades swooped down and slashed the Zoras, yet Sidon seemed to read their movements and countered them quickly.

“Zora Jujutsu!” Sidon moved his hands swiftly, controlling the seawater with his own chi to douse the Ember spirits who threatened to burn the ship.

“Try to dodge THIS, amigo!” Cortez declared, suddenly throwing open his coat as hundreds of bones flew out and pierced every corner of the ship. “Yohohohoho!”

“Black Heart” Cortez was once renowned as the Pirate King of Mushroom’s oceans. 1,000 years ago, his precious Skull Gem, a magic jewel which powered his ship, was stolen by an enemy pirate, leaving Cortez’s crew stranded on Keelhaul Key. The souls of his crew haunted the island, until Lord Mandy arrived with the Skull Gem having been “procured” from its captors. After proving her power to Cortez, the ghostly captain joined her army of monsters.

Kakariko Village

The poor children and elders of the Sheikah hid in their homes, for all the capable warriors fell one by one by these swift assassins. They could be mistaken as Gerudo, for they were all women in ninja attire, cutting the Sheikah down with katana. The only exception was their leader: Rā’s al Ghūl.

With shining green eyes and veins, the muscular assassin clashed with Dorian and Cado, the Sheikah’s strongest guards. The two summoned 200 Shadow Clones to dive onto the invader, but all Rā’s needed to do was break the earth with his sandbending and stab all the clones with sandy needles. Dorian and Cado seized the chance to decapitate Rā’s from both sides, only for the Sand Clone to crumble, and for the real Rā’s to stab them both in one strike.

Rā’s al Ghūl was a feared assassin from Gotham City on Planet Superbia. Using the revitalizing properties of a Lazarus Pit, Rā’s led the League of Assassins for 500 years, ridding the world of criminal scum. When Lord Mandy wandered into their hideaway with hundreds of demons, the League viewed her as a possible successor to Rā’s’ title. After proving her power, Mandy earned the League’s loyalty, and with her resources, they’ve been able to assassinate villains across several worlds.

Lon Lon Ranch

“WAAAAAAH!” The young ranch girl was chased by dozens of undead Cuccos. “I’m sorry for throwing you in the river!! I just loved seeing you fly up the cliff! NO, NOT THE BOMBS, WAAAAAH!” The chickens dropped bombs on her.

“Ah hahahahahaha!” laughed Django de los Muertos, bringing many dead farm animals to life with his Mystic Guitar. Mr. Ingo the 56th was not popular with the undead horses for some reason, and Kimaya Heartly threw Rotten Corpse Gas Bombs inside the barn to kill more animals. “Man, how the hell did you manage without us this long, Cindy? Getting dead animals has never been easier!”

“You’re double-dead if you criticize me again.” Cindy hissed.

“You lucky you don’t have a nose, sistuh.” Kimaya remarked.

“No Nose” Cindy Cortix is the daughter of Mandy and Billy. She found she is good with animals, but prefers those of the undead variety. She is desperate to be as good at fearbending as her mother, but currently, she is angry at Mandy for not being able to add Moge-ko to the crew. She thought Moge-ko would’ve made a great friend. Cindy is also the captain of Mandy’s old ship, the Boogey Bay.

Hyrule Castle

The stand-in royal family were utterly mortified: when Mandy’s blood was poured onto Zelda’s statue, its Triforce mark glowed golden. “B-B-But… it can’t be!” stuttered the king. “No! I refuse to believe it! This criminal can NOT be Zelda’s legacy! She doesn’t even have the Triforce on her!”

“If that thing mattered at all to me, I could get it back.” Mandy stated. “But all I want is the throne. Now pack your things and get the hell out.”

“Absolutely not! Royal blood or not, you’re a Pirate Emperor, a Top Wanted criminal. Your crimes are a disgrace to the noble kingdom, and to Zelda’s teachings—”

But two Sheikah women dropped from the ceiling, holding swords to the cowering man’s neck. “It is not your place to defy the sacred prophecy. One day, Zelda’s bloodline would return, and the throne would return to its rightful owner. And Hyrule will truly be reborn anew.”

“You can’t be serious! This monster will lead our world to ruin!”

“Uuuuuugh! S’LAME! Get this nameless nobody outta here!” called a loud girl’s voice. A beam of black magic struck the ground at the king’s feet, and it caved in immediately.

“OW! My back!”

“Okay, Lord Mandy, we all done up there in the cloud place.” The captain and Sheikah faced up at their next guest: she appeared to be a fairy with pitch-black bat wings, a purple dress with black diamonds, and long blue hair that curtained her backside. Her red eyes seemed dense as she picked her nose with her toes. “What’s the name of that place again?”

“The sky.” Mandy sighed.

“Man, I was gonna say ‘ski.’”

“Now, I believe it is time for my coronation.” Mandy discarded her sunglasses. “I’ll make sure everyone knows what I’m capable of. Especially… the Kids Next Door.”

Loading transmission…

If you look back at Tea Party, there was a brief scene where a blonde woman was approaching Hyrule Castle. Now we know. XD And we officially introduce Sivam, Mavis Vermillion’s Negative from the cancelled Sugar Fairies story! I actually worked her in the story!

Chapter Text

Alas, Stan Lee died today on November 12, 2018. May he continue to watch over the Marvelverse from the heavens. Anyway, fun facts about Mandy: she’s the only current Emperor that wears shoes, and she’s the second-smallest after Skaios.

KND Moonbase

At the Global Tactical Station, Panini was gazing confusedly at an image of Planet Hyrule. “Ay don’t see what the problem is!”

“That’s because they don’t appear on digital screens.” Nebula replied. “But none of our operatives have been able to enter, or receive transmissions from Hyrule. Our Avalaran operatives confirmed that Anti-Fairies are the cause. They tried to fight them, but they were overpowered. Their magic revolves entirely around misfortune.”

“But Cheren is still training on Hyrule! Will we be able to rescue him?!”

“I don’t know, Panini… We’re trying, but my brother and I can’t even Space Warp to the planet. There must be a spell in place.”

“Grrr, this is terrible. Cheren could be in even more danger than before. I HAVE to get down there! There must be some way of getting past the Anti-Fairies! Like…Like timebending! Ay can get the timebenders to freeze them and—DAAAAAH, Sector IC was captured by the flippin’ Big Mom Pirates!! Wait, but I wonder if the mages can use any time spells. Ugh, but Sector MG is on holiday at Mushroom Kingdom, GOD this is the worst.”

“You want me to ask the Avalarans for any potential members?”

“No, I don’t want to trouble other Kids Next Doors. Hmmm…” Panini could only think of one other group of mages. She pressed the button and said, “This is Moonbase to Sector TD, come in, Sector TD.”

The face of Numbuh Card, Sakura Kinomoto, appeared onscreen. “This is Sector TD, how can we help you?”

“Numbuh Card, I don’t suppose you know any strong time-stopping spells?”

“Oh yes, one of my cards can do that! But it’s only for a second or two.”

“That’s okay. I hate to ask this, but I might need your help for a mission. Cheren might be in danger!”

“Oh, my! Don’t worry, we’ll get there as soon as possible!” Transmission ended.

“Sigh… Still, I don’t think I should take them alone. This might be too dangerous. But who… Wait, of course! Sector JP! I wonder if Anti-Fairies are the same as ghosts?”

“What about Sector V?” Nebula asked.

“We don’t really know what we’re up against, so I don’t want to send them, yet. But that ain’t gonna stop me from helpin’ Cheren.”

Hyrule Castle Town

“BIG NEEEEEEWS!” cried Big Bird, recording the exciting ceremony that was transpiring. “For nearly 4,000 years, the Kingdom of Hyrule has been without its true ruler! Princess Zelda and the royal family remained on Earth while her people have migrated to a new planet. Although a stand-in family have managed the kingdom, they have left the throne unoccupied, forever awaiting their princess’s return. At long last, that time is now… but just LOOK WHO IT IS!!”

This should have been a wonderful moment for the Hyruleans, for every single race and the rulers of every region were in attendance. Yet, the once-happy citizens sulked in fear of the demons that overfilled their town. A squat minister approached the queen at the top of the towering altar, gently placing the crown over her horn-shaped blonde hair. “Um… a-all hail the new Queen of Hyrule, the descendant of Princess Zelda.” And she stood as all citizens were forced to meet her terrifying glare. “Mandy McKenzie! May she lead our world to ever-lasting glory!”

“Oi, you can’t be serious!” yelled a blacksmith. “She’s a recognized criminal! Just look at all these demons!”

“SILENCE!” Mandy commanded. “There’s going to be some changes around here. So, let’s get to brass tactics: my first decree as queen will be that demons will no longer be discriminated or hunted. Welcome them as citizens like any other race. My 2nd decree is that we are no longer welcoming tourism from outside planets. And no trades with other planets without my permission! Hyrule is becoming a sovereign world!”

“THAT’S ABSURD!” roared King Zora. “My people LOVE Aquaria’s sushi! Not to mention some of them are currently there on vacation! You’re going to let them back in, aren’t you?!”

“Anyone who leaves the kingdom is no longer a citizen. The same as anyone who sets foot on this planet is a citizen now and forever, tourist or not. Oh, and that rule ALSO applies to the Kids Next Door!”

“NO WAY!” yelled a Hylian boy with a sword.

“How will we see Brother Anthony again?!” yelled a Goron, shouting with his three brothers.

“None of those are my concern. These are the laws of New Hyrule and there are plenty more to come. In fact, I’m aware you kids use Sheikah Tech for some of your inventions. Since you won’t be needing them anymore, we’ll put them to better use.”

“Hyrule is a constitutional monarchy!” yelled the Goron patriarch, Barbus. “You cannot enforce these laws, and our armies will bury your demons back in the ground!”

“Why don’t you take a look up there!” Sivam yelled, wand aimed skyward. “My Anti-Fairies are flying around the planet like bugs! They won’t let anyone get in!”

“Furthermore,” Azula followed, “with the amount of demons and outlaws joining our ranks, our army is superior to yours.”

Beyond Hyrule’s atmosphere, Anti-Fairies circled the world like orbital rivers of darkness. A pink ship with angel wings and the figurehead of a stuffed lion was closing in on the planet as Sectors TD, JP, and Panini observed the situation. “I don’t believe it… Anti-Fairies really DO exist!” Sakura said in awe.

“Our Kero Cruiser can fire a giant net for situations like this.” explained Naoko, the ship’s pilot. “But it’s not nearly big enough for all of them.”

“Plus, I never really tested the T.H.E.R.M.O.S. on fairies before.” followed Karin, Sector JP’s leader.

“The important thing now is landing on the planet.” Panini said. “From there, we can find Cheren. Sakura, can ye do it?”

“Yeah!” she said with conviction. She drew a card with a design of a cloaked woman holding an hourglass, labeled The Time, and inserted it in a slot at her station. “Naoko-chan, full speed ahead!”

“Hai!” Naoko nodded, hitting the boost.

“I’ll give us a boost, too!” Kodama said, pressing a remote to ignite fireworks on the back.

One of the Anti-Fairies, a girl with pink eyes and big teeth, spotted the ship. “Look, Omsoc! Ther’s a purdy lion flyin’ up like a white batty!”

“You dimwit, that’s a ship!” Omsoc bashed her with his wand. He was a green-eyed Anti-Fairy with a monocle. “Shoot them down!”

“THE TIME!” screamed Sakura, striking the card with her magic wand, the Clow Rod. A bubble formed around the Kero Cruiser, completely freezing time around it. It only lasted for a second, but in that second, the ship flew full speed and bypassed the Anti-Fairy swarm.

“Holy cheesenuts, they done poofed!”

“No, Adnaw! They’re down there!” Omsoc yelled, seeing the ship descending toward Hyrule. “Squad -12, after them!” They and a group of fairies gave chase, shooting black beams of magic.

“They’re coming after us!” yelled Tomoyo Daidouji (Numbuh Catch), holding a video camera. “And for some reason, they won’t appear on my camera! This is going to make the movie look so awkward!”

“Just keep outrunning them!” Panini ordered, tapping her wristwatch. “If we get into the planet’s atmosphere, maybe Cheren will respond.”

“AAAAH!” cried Naoko. “Our engine’s been hit! It’s shut off on its own, we’re gonna crash!”

“I hope this works! The Shield!” Sakura placed another card in the ship, projecting a magic shield around the vessel. The 11 operatives held onto something as their ride whirled around, and upon crashing on a pointed tower, the Kero haphazardly bounced down like a ball, creating an unsettling experience.

When it finally settled to a stop, the barrier disabled. The kids groggily recovered as Sakura climbed out of the sideways-turned craft. “Urgh… At least we’re okay. I wonder where we landed… ueh?!” she gasped, realizing they landed just outside the Castle Town gates, surrounded by hundreds of demons with pirate ships hovering in the air.

Commander Azula marched across the bridge beyond the south gate, scowling viciously. “Do you know how rude it is to interrupt a queen’s coronation?! It’s a crime punishable by execution!”

“You’re in the KND’s criminal files!” Sakura recognized. “You’re part of the Boogey Pirates! If you’re here, then that means…”

“Aunt Mandy is responsible for all this?” Panini whispered, finding this hard to believe for several reasons.

“How many people are in there?! You can’t be the only one!” Azula demanded.

“I can use my powers to help us escape.” Karin said. “But there’s a lot of you, and I can’t make Infi-Cubes intangible.”

“Sakura and I can try to fight them.” Li Syaoran said.

“In that case, I wanna stay, too!” his cousin, Meiling insisted.

“I’m not leaving Sakura-chan!” Tomoyo vowed.

“Fine. Sector TD, you can fight them, but try to escape.” Panini ordered. “If JP and I escape in secret, we can plan a counterattack.”

“Then get going!” Naoko ordered, grabbing a ray gun with a Power Star turret. “We’ll locate you as soon as we lose them!”

“Ururu, you can take my Infi-Cube and escape on your own!” Kodama said, tossing her the device. “Wait for a chance and escape before they spot you.”

“Okay, I’ll try.” Ururu said, putting on her Tiny Devil.

“Sector TD, ATTACK!” At Sakura’s signal, Naoko jumped out of the hatch and rapidly blasted demons, and Meiling cried, “SHYAAAAAH!” as she flew out and began attacking demons with swift martial arts. Syaoran aided her by quickly slaying them with his sword.

The cousins faced Azula, and Meiling was the first to run up and throw the first hits. Using Fire Kung-Fu, she endured and countered Azula’s Fire Fists, but the sapphire embers were steadily scarring her as Meiling leapt away. “With that armor, chi-blocking her will be a challenge.”

“I think we’ve got an even bigger challenge!” Syaoran said, frightfully pointing at the gate.

It appeared as if a greater demon were crossing the bridge, accompanied by a blood-red cloud of death. In actuality, Queen Mandy had come to greet her intruders. “Didn’t I make it specifically clear that we aren’t welcoming anymore visitors?! Hm?” She studied Sakura’s attire: she was dressed just like Princess Zelda, albeit with a much shorter skirt. “Don’t tell me you were planning to claim the crown as well. I don’t take kindly to usurpers.”

“Pirate Emperor Mandy.” Sakura spoke with passion and fearlessness. “Wanted with a bounty of 97 billion. So, you’re the one terrorizing this peaceful kingdom.”

“You know, you remind me of one of those anime magical girls. Euck. I hate those.”

“You’re wanted by the KND for what you did to Beach City too, you know! So, as a dedicated operative, it’s my job to apprehend you!” Sakura grabbed a card with gusto and declared, “Light, encase my body in a holy glow that banishes evil!” Upon striking the card, Sakura’s body brimmed with an angelic light.

“So beautiful! !” Tomoyo beamed, recording every second. “Now she looks like a real Zelda!”

“And then I’ll combine it with The Power!” Sakura said, striking a second card. “Give me the strength to lift boulders and fight the strongest enemies!” Now filled with a terrific surge of strength, Sakura ran forth and punched Mandy directly in the stomach. The Light pierced her Logia defense, and Mandy blew back into Castle Town like a bullet, across the southern road as she crashed into the square fountain.

“CAPTAIN MANDY!” Creeper screamed.

“GORO! Looks like a fight!” Barbus cheered. “Clear out of town, all of you! ! Give them space!”

Everyone was quickly scrambling out of the city as Mandy lay in the ruins of the fountain. Her expression was unfazed. “Was that supposed to hurt?”

“Haaaaaah!” Her heart filled with bravery, Sakura ran for the next attack. Mandy stood, brushing herself off, never batting an eye when Sakura swung a mighty kick. She struck the spot between Mandy’s legs, the queen blasting straight to the sky.

“Wooooow! She’s going so high!” Tomoyo’s eyes shone brighter. “My beautiful Sakura vs. a dreaded Pirate Queen! She’ll be a KND legend! She’ll be a movie star!”

Up in the sky, still unfazed, Mandy checked her watch and said, “Ten more seconds.” She then took the fall, and Sakura readied her wand like a baseball bat. With a hearty swing and perfect timing, Mandy was blown into a building. “Ehh… That’s enough of a headstart.” Mandy casually recovered as Sakura ran for the next attack—the Emperor blasted her across town with a giant Fear Sphere. Sakura had no time to recover when Mandy WHOOSHED over with nightmarish tentacles growing from her back, mercilessly whipping the young Cardcaptor until she was a bloody mess.

“SAKURA-CHAN!” Syaoran cried, racing into town. With a start, he drew his sword in defense when Kimaya ambushed with both Keyblades.

“Hey man, it’s one-on-one, back off!”

“Thunder God!” Syaoran slapped a jufu (magic paper) over his sword and zapped Kimaya with lightning. It only damaged her bones for a moment before she dropped her pants, flipped upside-down, and fired a Corpse Gas Blast at the Chinese boy. Syaoran held his breath and countered with Petals of Wind to disperse the gas, and he resumed clashing with Kimaya.

Mandy watched as Sakura weakly got to her feet. The Light was steadily fading from her body. “She’s powerful… I don’t normally play this card, but I have to help my friends escape.” She grabbed another card and called, “Transform me into a tower that looms high into the skies. Big!” Within seconds, Sakura expanded to a size that rivaled Hyrule Castle. Without hesitating, she SQUASHED Mandy under her foot before reaching to grab Syaoran. “Let’s go! I can carry you all a good distance before the card wears off, and that’ll give us time to hide—AAAAH!” A black and red cloud began to swallow her foot and travel up her leg.

“NOO!” Syaoran struck lightning at the Fear, but it opened gaps to dodge as it traveled up Sakura’s body.

“Oooops!” Sivam drawled, watching the battle from the sky. “Your glowy thing stopped? That sure is bad luck!”

“UUUUEEEEEEHHHH!” The fear reached Sakura’s head, drowning her in a nightmare.

“Sakura, you failed your math test.” the teacher said. “You’ve been slipping a lot lately.”

“Oh dear, Sakura, you sprained your knee.” the coach said. “Looks like I’ll have to cut you.”

“What do you mean you lost my doll, Sakura?!” Rika yelled. “That’s it, I’m never speaking to you again!”

“Oh, Sakura. You disappoint me.” Mother said.

“UEEEEEHHH! NO, MOM, I’M SORRY!” Sakura stumbled on her own feet, crushing every building in Castle Town except the castle itself. “I’ll work harder, I promise! Guys, please don’t be mad at me!”

“STOP, SAKURA!” Syaoran screamed. “YOU’RE DESTROYING THE—” Kimaya shot him with Corpse Gas and knocked him out.

“NOOO! SAKURA-CHAN!” Tomoyo cried, shutting off her camera to avoid filming her friend in such disgrace.

“ROOOOAAAAARRRR!” A fearsome bellow ripped the air as, in the distance, a great dragon was soaring toward the castle. Despite the great distance he had yet to travel, the gargantuan girl was all-too clear a target for him. His guts and throat brimmed with flames, building up before unleashing a tremendous ball of fire. It flew toward Sakura like a meteor cannon, and her fear-induced eyes could barely process as the fire struck her in the face.

The force overwhelmed Sakura, and the 13-year-old stumbled backward, crushing the south bridge. Her foot slipped in the gorge and she tripped and fell, her teammates screaming as they and the Kero Cruiser were squashed underneath. Sakura was completely unconscious, the flesh on her face melting away as she shrank down to normal size. Tomoyo, Naoko, and Meiling were uncovered, left as smashed bloody messes. Lord Mandy rematerialized and planted a foot on Sakura.

“You have such petty fears. You’re the kind of girl that lives a perfect life with people who love her. ‘Ooo, I’m not good at French, I’m so ashamed because I can’t speak French, yet I can do all this other shit.’ That’s what you are. And I TRAMPLE over privileged brats like you!”

“Hiiiissssss…” The tremendous dragon planted himself over the remains of Castle Town, his snaked head looming over Mandy.

“Oh, yeah. People of Hyrule, I would like for you to meet my pet: Smaug. You might know him as the King Under the Mountain. You Gorons might be familiar with him. Let it be known that any town that tries to rebel against me will meet the same fate as this one.”

“Well, so much for decimating the city.” Smaug hissed. “You found yourself another monster, I see.”

“You were late, Smaug.”

“It takes a while to burn down 23 KND treehouses. They’re like hornets swarming around me after I destroyed their hive.”

“Regardless… Men, take these fairy brats and throw them in the dungeon.” The Bokoblin grabbed the TD members and followed their order. “Sivam, have your Anti-Fairies scour the area in case any more ships try to land. Azula, look for any craftsmen in the crowds and start making them rebuild the city. I can’t have the capital of my new empire looking like this!”

As the operatives were taken into the castle, Creeper used a mechanical purple eyepiece to examine them. A star icon highlighted the members and brought up numbers. “According to this Scouter, Sakura’s Power Level was 4,200, Syaoran’s was 2,200, Meiling’s was 1,500, and Tomoyo and Naoko were both Level 9. Yeesh, talk about an unfair fight. Our Captain Mandy’s Level is 22,278!”

“Where’d you get a dorky thing like that?” Cindy asked.

“Our spy in the Sky God Pirates sent it. I think it’s quite stylish, really. Your Level is about 2,000.”

Meanwhile, Panini and the JP members were able to seek refuge on a mountain. They could see the giant Sakura quite clearly, especially when she fell. “Well, there goes our fodder sector.” Jinta remarked.

“Don’t say that!” Yuzu stated. “I really hope they’re okay!”

“I still can’t believe the timing of this.” Panini said. “First, Sector IC was captured by the Big Mums, then Sector W by the Kremlings, and now Mandy is takin’ over Hyrule when Cheren’s supposed to be trainin’? This can’t all be a coincidence!”

“Those three are the Yonko, right?” Jinta asked. “I thought they hated each other.”

“Yeah, but you can’t deny this is kinda weird.” Karin replied. “Let’s assume they WOULD form an alliance… but why?”

Panini thought for a moment. She tried to think of any recent events that would convince the Emperors to team up. “…Could it be Sector SA?”

“Huh?” The four Asians each raised a brow.

“A few weeks ago, when Index’s secret was broadcasted to the universe… a lot of operatives fell into a panic, and the same could apply to a lot of other people. What if the Emperors are teaming up to rise against the KND? What if their target is Sector SA?”

“It is a possibility…” Karin figured.

“But I still can’t believe Mandy would be involved in it. I know she’s evil, but she’s always had a soft spot for Cheren. Oh, he’s not even responding to his watch! I can’t tell if he was captured or still training.”

Kodama saw an Infi-Cube flying toward them, but a closer look would reveal it was Ururu. The Tiny Devil grew back to normal size and reunited with her team. “Thank God you made it!” Kodama beamed.

“There was so much going on back there, it was hard to find an opening.”

“Sorry we put you through that, but those are all our weapons. And I think we’re gonna need them.”

“It sounds like we can’t leave the planet very easily.” Yuzu said. “But Karin should be able to travel to the Spirit World, right?”

“You’re right.” Karin acknowledged. “But I wanna stay and collect info first. So Panini, let’s search for Cheren.”

Hyrule Castle

Tidbits about World Governments: Using Hyrule as a reference, it is a planet composed of a single grand nation with a supreme monarch. Of course, the various regions of Hyrule are governed by their own rulers with their own rules. Other similar planets include Mobius, Glomour, Kateenia, Sweetopia, or Coruscant. Then there are planets whose nations are more “heavily” divided, such as Earth, Mushroom, Poké, and the Avatar Realms, where no grand law encompasses the whole world. Despite this, some of those worlds’ rulers elect a single leader to represent the planet in Galaxia’s Intergalactic Council.

Mandy, Cindy, Rā’s al Ghūl, and Azula accompanied some Sheikah guards to the castle library. Little did they know that a young girl was spying on them from the ceiling. “Welcome, Queen Mandy.” bowed an elderly Sheikah. “My name is Impoz, Head Attendant of the Royal Sheikah. We have kept watch over the castle for generations, long awaiting the return of the royal family. We are in your service.”

“You’re strangely cooperative, considering I just destroyed the capital.”

“History will see it as a titanic monster rising from the earth, only to be felled by Your Highness. You can be sure of that.”

“You must have quite the influence. I bet you know all this kingdom’s secrets.”

“Secrets that have long gone unknown to all eyes but our own. They are for royal family’s eyes only. The eyes of Zelda’s bloodline.”

“Show them to me. Now.”

“If that is what you wish—”

“AAAAAAHHHH!” A child’s scream ruptured the air, and all eyes whipped upward. A Sheikah girl fell from the ceiling with rage in her gray eyes, ready to impale Mandy with a small sword. The queen showed no fear or surprise, for the sword merely cut through her Logia body. “IT WAS YOU! You made those people attack my village!” She furiously stabbed Mandy, leaking Fear Gas out of those parts.

“How did this brat get in?” Rā’s asked.

The girl faced the man, her rage growing. “YOU’RE THE MAN THAT STABBED FATHER!” She ran to stab him, only to be stomped in the face. Azula pinned the child on the ground.

“For you to be able to sneak in here, you must at least be an operative. What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“It’s Koko! I’m from Kakariko and that man stabbed Father!” She desperately tried to push Azula’s leg off. “What’ll happen if Father dies?! Me and Cottla will be all alone!”

Azula projected a strong aura and weakened the child, her strength and conviction shrinking. Some of the servants in the room dropped to this aura. “You know what this is, girl? It’s Conqueror’s Haki. The aura of those born with the divine right to rule. I may be below the queen, but I’ll crush defiant worms like you all the same.”

“Noooo… sniff.” Koko began to cry, feeling extremely helpless and hopeless. “P-Please… If I go, no one will take care of Cottla. No one will cook for her. Please, have mercy!” Four different streams flowed from her eyes and nostrils. “Please! Please! Please!”

Mandy’s head throbbed every time she said the word. This brat had the gall to attempt to assassinate her, but now she was begging for mercy? Just look at her, so weak and pathetic. Her fears reeked of worry and care for her little sister. In Koko’s mind, the sight of Cottla alone and crying was clear as day, and Mandy saw it. “I just wanted to be strong! Koko has to be strong for Cottla, or Koko is a failure to Mother and Father! Please! Please!”

“I’ve had enough.” Rā’s decided, about to stab her.

“Wait!” Impoz pled. “I recognize this girl. Her family visits the castle on occasions. She would beg us to let her work with the chefs and they would let her help cook. Dare I say… her meals are extraordinary.”

“It’s unfortunate that she’s a traitor.” Azula said. “Kill her, Rā’s.”

“STOP!” Mandy ordered. “YOU, TOO!” Koko ceased crying, her lip quivering as she gazed up at the wicked queen. “You clearly didn’t get the message when I fought that magic brat. So, I’ll discipline you myself.” Mandy grabbed Koko by the scruff and dragged her away. “You’ll pay for keeping me from my national secrets.”

Dungeons

A woman with short black hair, leather jacket, and a red ninja suit was wrapping Sakura’s head in bandages. Her name was Shiva, a general in the Shadow Division. “You are lucky that Lord Mandy never lets her enemies die immediately. But she has ordered your incarceration here until further notice. We have also taken photos of you and your friends, and we will show them to everyone in your hometown. Lord Mandy will relish in their despair… as well as the damage to your reputation.”

After being treated, Sakura was taken to a lonely cell and left abandoned. Her friends were all separated throughout the dungeon, slowly descending into despair with their injuries and defeat. Even if they were to be rescued and returned home, they would forever live in guilt and disgrace.

Kitchen

Mandy dragged Koko to the castle kitchen and discarded her on the floor. The child remained in a bowing position for several minutes until a group of Moblins marched in with large sacks. They lazily threw the sacks on the floor, ripping open as piles of horrid materials spilled out: Moblin toenails, Bokoblin eyeballs, Octorok brains, Molduga guts, they brought body parts from any and every monster in their arsenal. Mandy was pleased when Koko covered her nose. No human would want to stand this stench for long.

“Here is your punishment.” Mandy began. “You are going to cook a buffet using each and every one of these filthy demon parts. And it will be served to your village.”

“Y-Y…You want me to serve this to my village? To Cottla?!”

“The people of Kakariko must pay for defying my will. If you refuse, Smaug will turn them all to cinders.”

“B-But, th-this stuff is-”

“Horrendous, I know. That’s why I make the Fire Soldiers cook my meals. I will return in three hours. After you’re finished, you will personally lead my demons to Kakariko where it will be served. Don’t even think of slacking off.” She and her demons left, sealing the kitchen.

Pinching her nose, Koko looked over the hideous materials. The yellow nails of a Hinox, oozing eyes of a Bokoblin, the guano of Keese… no human could knowingly ingest these ingredients with a smile. But Koko already knew… With the food I can make from this, Kakariko won’t go hungry for weeks. She shut her eyes tight and clapped hands in prayer, mustering every ounce of courage and passion in her heart. Chef Yuzu, I only wish you were around to taste this! Please, give me your strength!!

Underground Dock

A boat followed a river from the sea and sailed onto the castle moat. It sailed into a tunnel leading under the castle grounds, where it would park at an underground dock.

A black-haired man with green-lensed glasses and black clothes with a red scarf stood at the dock. He watched as a purple-haired woman stepped off the boat, wearing a black dress with gray sleeves and a skull on the chest, and black- and purple-striped stockings. The front of her hair and bangs almost resembled the fangs of a beast.

“You must be Queen Gaz.” The man spoke in a droll tone, his teeth green. “My name is Nergal. I’ve been asked to show you to your quarters.”

“Uck, I can smell the demon poo already.” Gaz retorted. “It better not smell like this when I get up there!”

“Rest assured, we have already cleaned. We’ve also made sure there was plenty of space for your games. Mandy was strict in seeing you were comfortable.”

“Then this is going to be a pleasant vacation.”

“Indeed. Jeff, start carrying Gaz’s luggage!” Nergal ordered to a large spider on the ceiling.

“You got it, Boss!” Jeff replied cheerily. “Oops, I mean, aye-aye, Captain! Gotta stay with the pirate theme, right?”

Nergal escorted Gaz up the stairs, entering a corridor to the castle. “Though I wouldn’t think the newly-conquered abode of the Nightmare Queen is the ideal hotel.”

“What, Mandy invited me to her crew and I figured I’d give it a shot. Being the queen of Planet Wisp isn’t as exciting as I would’ve hoped. I mean, it was pretty cool at first, but it gets so redundant. I’m excited to try out these new drones Mandy promised me.”

“Knowing your political reputation, it would be wise to keep your identity secret when going out. I recommend wearing this.” Nergal presented a white-faced mask with purple hair and blank, black eyes.

Gaz put the mask on. Oddly enough, it went well with her own hair and meshed well with her face. “Hmm…I like it.”

“Hey, Brooooo!” Gaz removed the mask as a blonde woman with curly pigtails swayed down the hall and slumped her arms over Nergal’s shoulders. She wore a short white dress with a red bow around the waist and exposed cleavage. “Is this the new girl? Ooo, nice and goth, I bet you’ll get along~”

“I’m not actually a goth.” Gaz corrected. “I just like the colors. Who’re you?”

“This is my little sister, Catherine.” Nergal answered. “She’s a succubus.”

“Succubus? So, you two are demons?”

“Uh-huh!” Catherine released Nergal and brought out two bottles of rum. “Our father is one of the Underworld Demon Lords, Nergal, Sr.! And get this, we’re also the cousins of Mandy’s husband, so that almost makes us related!”

“Catherine’s also a game developer at Fowles Electronics.” Nergal Jr. mentioned. “You might not’ve heard of them.”

“I know a couple of their games, actually.” Gaz replied. “Like that creepy peeping tom game…”

“Hehe, that was me!” Catherine winked and made a “V” gesture! “Are you into that stuff, Gaz~?”

“Don’t be crazy. So, where is Mandy, anyway?”

“She’s going to be busy today.” Nergal said. “But she’d like to make time for you tonight.”

“I want all my consoles hooked up by the hour, or all your rations are mine for a week!”

“As you command, my ‘Tallest.’”

“Hee hee.” Gaz snickered. In truth, Nergal kind of looked like her brother, Dib, so she might enjoy bossing him around.

Outset Island

A News Rito had come to deliver a newspaper to the humble little island of Outset. When Biscuit Krueger seized the paper, her pupils shrunk in horror. “No way! Emperor Mandy… became Queen of Hyrule?! Grrrrr! This was NOT supposed to happen so soon! Not when I finally made progress with Cheren! Ugh…” She faced up at the Headstone Cliff, which concealed a hole to a deep underground. “If he finds out, he’ll want to speak to Mandy himself. And worse, he might find out what’s been happening to all his operatives. Urgh… but no matter what, I have to keep training him. I have to keep going until he’s ripe.”

Introducing Smaug, the first crossover character from the Hobbit saga! And Sector TD are Cardcaptor Sakura characters… who we may not see again for a long time. Yeah, a running gag with these Emperors is making them destroy beloved cartoon characters or settings. You must recognize Gaz from Invader Zim, Nergal Jr. from Billy & Mandy, and we also got Catherine from Catherine! Both of their parents are Nergal, so it was easy to make them related! Also, Gaz’s mask is the Kafei Mask from Zelda. XD

Chapter Text

Did I ever mention Koko’s one of my favorite characters from Breath of the Wild? Like, she’s just one of those totally minor characters that I love so much, kinda like the W7 members in their original arcs!

“JA—REEEEEEED!”

Precioooouuuuus!

Hyrule Field

Panini and Sector JP climbed down the mountain and began to follow a dirt road across the field. Karin had been talking on a cellphone before she hung up. “Okay, I just spoke to Yachiru on my Soul Phone. She says the Spirit KND already caught on to what’s happening and they’re trying to fight the demons and dark spirits. She also said she’d have no problem warping me to Earth via the Spirit World if need be, but she won’t take the rest of you because of regulations.”

“Ay hope Francis can manage without me for a while.” Panini said. “If the Four Emperors are purposely targeting sectors, I’m sure the same will happen to others.”

“Wait, who is the 4th Yonko again?” Jinta asked.

“Supposedly, it’s Skaios, from the Sky God Pirates. According to Sector SA, that Mustache Girl and Wendy’s dad, Vaati work for them. I don’t think we know much about them though.” Panini had been fiddling with her wristwatch. “Okay, I think I pinned the location of Cheren’s communicator. It’s on an island out at sea.”

“ROOOOOAAAARRR…!” A massive shadow was cast over the land, the kids shaking under the dragon’s screech. Smaug appeared to be returning to Death Mountain.

“What a terrifying dragon. . .” Ururu stuttered. “Mandy’s going to be unstoppable with him.”

“You guys know something?” Karin asked. “If Mandy’s trying to cut off the KND from the rest of the universe, maybe we should try to gather intel, and I could share it after I leave the planet.”

“You think so?” Jinta asked.

“Yeah. In fact, maybe I could take Panini to find Cheren while the rest of you go learn about that dragon. Based on what Mandy said, the Gorons should have info on him.”

“Actually, Karin-nee,” Yuzu said worriedly, “since we’re here, I would like to go visit Koko’s village.”

“Oh, you mean the Sheikah girl, right?” Kodama asked. “The one you met on Field Day?”

“Yeah, the one who admired my cooking.” Yuzu blushed. “I can’t help but feel worried for her.”

“Alright,” Karin decided, “I guess you and Kodama can go find Koko’s village. Jinta and Ururu, you find the Gorons.”

“You sure you wanna split up like this?” Panini asked. “In this situation, you’re just begging them to get captured.”

“Will you relax? My team is strong, especially in these pairs. Plus, most of our enemies are demons. If you get in too much trouble, just call me, and I’ll radio Yachiru to send backup to your location.”

“We got ya!” Jinta gave a thumbs-up. “Sector JP, divide and conquer!” The three pairs went their separate directions.

Hyrule Castle

Impoz led Queen Mandy down a secret stairwell hidden within a wall in the underground port. The torchlit stairwell ended at a library. “These documents have gone untouched for 4,000 years, ever since our ancestors brought them from Planet Earth. At least… that’s what we tell people, but we read up on them every once in a while. We have plenty of blueprints for ancient and powerful weapons, maps with locations of special treasures… and many other things that should be of use to a powerful queen such as yourself.”

“You must know the underworld of this country very well. I find it odd that demons have been such a nuisance here for 4,000 years.” Mandy replied.

“I believe it was before Hyrule was first founded. The Sheikah learned how to attract and repel demons, and we became a great service to the royal family. So great, in fact, that we could not allow it to end. So, our ancestors have been secretly luring and trading with the demons for ages, so the royals would always depend on us.”

“And the royal family knew this?”

“Well… we may have kept some secrets to ourselves. But you are different, Your Highness. The demons have become your allies, too.”

Mandy approached a desk and picked up a mechanical sword, the blade of which activated with blue energy like a lightsaber. “Over the years, we began to market Sheikah Tech items and weapons to other regions. Of course, theirs is in a much weaker class than what the royal family can possess.” Impoz explained.

“You know, the material of this tech seems awfully familiar. Its design is similar to that of the Sky God Pirates’ flagship.”

“That ship is… Santa Hylia.” Impoz bowed his head in slight shame. “Our ancestors built it to carry all of the Hyruleans to this planet, and we hid it underground. Yet, by some divine prank, it came rising out of the ground and vanished in the heavens. It happened back in May.”

“And within that time, Skaios began to gain infamy. Because of your poor security, one of my enemies has taken something that should belong to me. You’ve already failed me, Impoz.”

“Forgive me, Your Majesty. I-”

In that instant, Impoz found himself in the middle of a vast desert. The castle was miles in the distance. “W-What? How did I get out here?!” As if some divine force compelled him, he made the great dash across the desert. “NO! YOUR MAJESTY! PLEASE! I can still serve you! DON’T LEAVE ME OUT HERE! LET ME RETURN TO THE CASTLE! PLEEEEASE!”

“Sorry, but I’m renouncing your duties.” Mandy replied coldly, leaving him writhing on the floor. “FIRE TROOPS! Get down here and start making me weapons!”

“YAAAAAY!” The former Fire Nation soldiers raced downstairs, eager to get back in the game.

“Oi, we’ll be able to attract loads of demons with all these secrets.” Creeper said, having come down with the soldiers as he began reading a book. “So, can I be the new Head Attendant?”

“What else are you good for? As for me, I’m going on a little tour of the kingdom. Think I’ll visit the Rito first, since they run the newspaper business. Mark my words, this whole planet will fear me within the week!”

Dueling Peaks; a few hours later

Three Tallblins (tall Moblins) charged at Yuzu and Kodama, spears in hand. The girls ran a safe distance away as Kodama launched iceworks to freeze the first Tallblin, then blasted it with a firework. Yuzu pressed a button on her wristband, projecting an energy arrow as she pulled back a string and launched it at the head of the second Tallblin. Yuzu let loose faster, weaker arrows, combined with more of Kodama’s fireworks, until the third Tallblin was felled.

“I knew you would get us lost, Yuzu.” Kodama said.

“Koko said her village was beyond the Dueling Peaks, how was I supposed to know there was a whole ’nother village? Especially since I can’t read any of these Hylian signs.”

The girls traveled back down the mountain path leading from Hateno Village. As they were bypassing Fort Hateno, Kodama gasped. “Yuzu, hide!” They hid behind a rusted Guardian Stalker, watching as a band of Bulblins rode Bullbos into the mountains. They pulled carriages of large tarps, and Yuzu was quick to notice the Sheikah girl on the front carriage.

“Kodama, that’s Koko!”

“Koko?! Oh no, I wonder what they’re doing with her?”

The girls followed the demons in secret, until they eventually arrived at Kakariko Village, a once-peaceful place with Japanese-style houses. The Sheikah gathered in the center, murmuring to one-another in terror. “This child invaded Hyrule Castle and tried to assassinate Queen Mandy. By order of the queen, her hometown of Kakariko shall be held responsible!” a Bulblin announced.

Yuzu and Kodama climbed a cliff and were able to watch the scene. The demons threw off the tarps, revealing piles of various scrumptious foods. “This food was prepared with the most horrendous body parts severed from us demons! You will consume every last piece, or we will summon Smaug to reduce this village to ashes!”

“Koko, what’s the meaning of this?!” Mellie asked.

“I’m sorry, everyone! Look, just eat the food, it’ll be fine!” Koko pled.

“I will not be poisoned by this demonic filth!” Ollie declared. “I would rather fight until the bitter end!”

“To think they forced this sweet child to prepare this filth.” Nanna said.

“No!” a younger girl cried. “Big Sis doesn’t make poison! Koko’s food is always yummy!”

“That girl must be Cottla.” Yuzu assumed.

“We can’t let them eat that!” Kodama stated, preparing a firework. “I’ll blow that poisoned gunk sky high!”

“Don’t! Trust me…”

“I’ll prove it right now!” Cottla vowed, running up and grabbing a Monster Rice Ball off the pile (it resembled a normal rice ball, but was purple).

“NO, COTTLA!” pled Steen, but the child had quickly swallowed the whole pastry.

“UUAAAAAHH!” The taste threw Cottla into a state of euphoria. “It’s sooooo goooood! Everyone, grab a bite!! Koko’s cooking is the best!”

The demons could only look in confusion as the Sheikah gathered to take food off the carts. “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!” Their echoes of awe could be heard across the Dueling Peaks.

“So, this is what royals eat!” Claree beamed.

“The powers of Darkness have captivated me!” Rola said with tears.

“Oh, you’re so talented, young Koko!” Steen said.

“Don’t thank me!” Koko proclaimed proudly. “It was under Lord Mandy’s orders that I feed you all! ’Twas her gift for the Sheikah!”

“Is this really what Lord Mandy ordered?” a Bulblin asked.

“Of course it is! If you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself.” Like I would ever poison my own village, you dumb hag.

“I’m so proud of you, Koko.” Yuzu smiled.

“’kay, but let’s wait to tell her that.” Kodama replied. “If those demons are on official business, we’ll give ourselves away if we attack them.”

“What about the ones we were just fighting?”

“Those were just field troops, any passerby would fight them. We should try to stay out of trouble as much as we can…”

Great Sea

“So, Cindy, how are you enjoying our new planet so far?” Mandy asked as they sailed the vast sea on the Boogey Coast.

“Well, it’s better than the old one.” her daughter replied nonchalantly, lazily watching the waves through the railing. “Hey, if you’re the queen, does that make Dad the king?”

“We do not say a word about this to your father. As far as he knows, we’re still on that vacation in Timbuktu.”

“I sympathize with you entirely, Mother.”

Endsville; Billy’s House

Billy Cortix checked his mailbox and found a postcard. It depicted two (live-action) tourists in front of the ancient city, with Mandy and Cindy’s faces pasted on them. “I’m so glad my girls are having such a fun time at Timmy’s Buck Tooth.” he said with a teary smile.

Great Sea

Mandy then heard the eerie “Caaaaaaw” of a Kargarok, seeing the messenger bird gliding toward the vessel with an envelop in its talons. The queen held a hand up to catch the letter, the bird perching on the rail. She opened it. “It’s from my spy in the Sky God Pirates.” Mandy could tell by the cute, kiddish handwriting.

Dear Lord Mandy,

It seems that Mustache Girl failed the World Rings mission, so that’s always nice! My crew and I are going to attack a cruise liner on Mushroom World; supposedly, the Mobian Chancellor is on it, and Mustache failed to capture her, too. She’s super useless, ufufu! I also snuck a look at a report sent by the spy in the Big Mom Pirates; it sounds like Big Mom is planning to take control of the Great Clock. That’s gonna make going to New Galaxia very hard, especially for Commander Serket. It also sounds like some people wanna overthrow Skaios. Perhaps I should help them, ufufu! Until then.

-Li’l Despair

“Captain, we’re nearing Dragon Roost Island.” the Helmsblin said. The island in question was a towering range of needle-like mountains, with the tallest mountain serving as the nest of a dragon. “We’ll be docking soon.”

“I’ll catch up with you then.” Mandy lifted her daughter and morphed into a Fear Sphere, soaring up the mountain.

“Sigh… no one ever wants to dock anymore.” The Helmsblin sighed.

“SHE’S COMING!” cried one of the Rito watchmen. “Get the children and elders inside!”

“Don’t even think about it!” Mandy shouted, trapping the watchman in a fear trance as she and her daughter reformed.

The Rito village consisted of wooden birdhouses built on the mountainside. With fear in their hearts, the avian citizens gazed up at Queen Mandy, who looked down upon them from the highest foothold. “As Queen of Hyrule, I have made it my mission to personally greet each and every major nation. Seeing as your kind manages this world’s media, I’m employing my Wizzrobes to oversee your business. This also involves your affiliation with Intergalactic News: they’re one of the few businesses I’ll allow trade with, but I get to decide which stories they hear about. I’m also imposing new taxes: 1,000 Rupees from every adult, and 500 from every child. Failure to follow these rules will result in your wings being clipped.”

“Caaaaawww…”

“Huh?” Mandy cocked a brow at the familiar sound. “Another Kargarok?”

This Kargarok was carrying a package by a rope. The Rito watched curiously as the queen took the package and cut it open. Mandy was stunned by the sight of the steaming purple pie. “This package is from Kakariko… I see. Koko must have just finished serving them, and they sent me one last poisonous pie out of spite. Well, I shouldn’t let this go to waste.” The queen raised her sword and cut the piece into even pieces. “ALL RITOS, send your children up here to eat this Devil’s Pie! That’s an order!”

“We get pie?!” a pink Rito named Notts asked happily.

“Don’t, Notts!” Laissa restrained her. “It’s a trick!”

“Do you see this?!” Mandy grabbed a small horn with a scary dragon head. “This Dragon Call is specially designed to summon Smaug to my location! The Sheikah are trying to poison me with this garbage, so now you’ll be punished in their stead! OBEY ME OR PERISH IN FIRE!”

“We’re not afraid of Smaug!” a white-feathered man named Teba vowed. “The Great Valoo will protect us! Right?!”

All Rito faced the highest mountain. The pudgy red dragon sat barely moving from his perch. “Arroooooooo…” Valoo yawned.

“Oh… Valoo…” The Rito bowed their heads in disappointment.

“NOW!!” Mandy unleashed a Fear Scream, and out of panic, all the children in the village flew skyward.

“Guys, wait!” cried a 6-year-old Rito dodo girl named Dosey. “I can’t fly! Someone lift me up!”

The children reluctantly gathered around the queen, who spitefully dropped the pie pieces on the ground. “Eat, now! And if you throw up on my dress, I’ll call Smaug to behead your precious dragon!”

With hesitation, the Rito children took their first bites into the pie. “CREEEEEEEEEE!” They could not mask their screams of joy.

“And don’t expect me to pay for your medicine-”

“DELICIOOOUUUUUUSSS!” The fledglings were so joyous that their bodies became light as feathers.

“W…What?!” Mandy choked.

“Can I give this pie to my mommy?! Pleeeaaaase?” pled Cree.

“It’s better than Salmon Meunière! …Almost.” Genli said.

“Thank you, Queen Mandy!” they chirped in unison.

“D…Delicious?” Mandy glanced down into the box, seeing one last piece of pie. She hesitantly picked it up—unknowingly, she picked up a small note with it, and it blew into the village. Mandy carefully took a bite of the pie. !!!!!!!

With tears streaming, Mandy sprouted angelic wings and was aloft into the heavens. This pie… This recipe… It’s of a tier that could only be found among the Big Mom Pirates. I can taste the demonic essence… and yet, the horrifying flavor is nonexistent. It was mixed in a manner that filtered out the material that would poison mortals, thus creating a sensational dessert!

The note from the package was caught by a village guard, who read it aloud. “‘Dear Queen Mandy, we graciously thank you for the amazing feast, and for returning Koko to us. Our bellies are full, so we wish to share with you the final remaining dessert, in the hopes it will bring you joy. Sincerely, the Sheikah of Kakariko.’”

“My, my, what an unexpected act of kindness.” an elderly goose woman replied with a smile. “Perhaps this entire ‘Nightmare Queen’ shtick was just an act.”

“Will we get more food if we pay taxes?” Genli asked. “Also, what’re taxes?”

“Wait, I want pie, too!” Dosey finally climbed up the cliff and trotted up to Mandy. “Queen Mandy, can I have pie? Please?”

The queen was still entranced by the heavenly taste, but her vision returned in the form of a pleading dodo. “…An act… A shtick?” These words plagued her mind.

The Rito gasped horrifically when Mandy snatched Dosey by the wing. “YOU CALL THIS AN ACT?!”

“WAAAAAAAAHHHH!” The flightless Rito was thrown miles off the island and across the sea.

“NO!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO MY DAUGHTER?!” the mother dodo cried.

“Ah told ya they shoulda stayed on the ground level.” A Rito crow woman said to her friend.

“Say, mah Murdo girl friend, what you think they DO down there at sea level?”

“Beats me, maybe they do MCDONALDS.”

“Hah! MCDONALDS! What a silly Land Rito thing to do, that Ah do not take part in at all! Heheh…”

“Now do you understand?!” Mandy announced. “Any person that even THINKS of insulting me will face similar-”

“WHEEEEE!” Then, she looked up agape when Dosey soared over the village.

“SHE’S FLYING?!” the crow ladies screamed.

“Dosey!” Her mother gazed at her child with pride. “She found her airbending!”

“Kuuooooooeeeeehh…” Mandy was so stunned, she forgot to breathe.

“Dosey could never summon her bending because of her fear of heights. Queen Mandy must have sensed that fear and helped Dosey conquer it!”

“Now I can finally go fly with all my friends!” Dosey circled the air above Mandy before taking land with the other kids. “Thank you, Queen Mandy!”

“We love Mandy! We love Mandy! We love Mandy!” The fledglings formed a ring and danced around the aghast queen. She couldn’t even decide on her next move.

“Pffffufufufufu…” Cindy could not restrain her smile, saliva squirting through her teeth. “Mom’s not scary.” And she joined the circle of dancing Rito. “Mom isn’t scaaaaary, Mom isn’t scaaaaary!”

Kakariko Village

“I thought something smelled funny with that food.” a Bokoblin said as the demons returned down the mountain road. “But how did Lord Mandy know that brat could filter out the harmful ingredients?”

“We’ll tell her about this after she returns.” a Tallblin replied.

Koko merely glared in their direction until the demons were out of sight. “Koko!” A voice averted her attention, seeing two girls running toward her.

Koko beamed at seeing her: “CHEF YUZU!” She excitedly ran up to her idol and bowed. “I’m so glad you’re here!! You just missed the feast, I wish you could’ve had a bite!”

“It’s OK, we saw the whole thing! I’m so proud of you, Koko; the way you mixed the ingredients was splendid!”

“But, how can you tell that?”

“Observation Haki.” Yuzu tapped the side of her head. “I use it to analyze just how recipes are put together and with what ingredients. I knew there was nothing poisonous in that pile just from looking! But the question is, how did this happen to begin with?”

“Mmm,” Koko murmured guiltily, “Mandy’s minions hurt Koko’s dad and she just wanted revenge. Koko doesn’t know what she was thinking.”

“Koko, Mandy is a Yonko, she’s one of the KND’s most dangerous criminals.”

“Yeah, but is she really?” Kodama asked. “I mean, she did a few bad things, but I always heard she tends to help us. Koko, you have any idea what she’s doing here?”

“She showed up out of nowhere and claimed the royal throne. Apparently, she proved she was Zelda’s descendant.”

“And now you’re supposed to accept her as your ruler?! Heck, Cheren could’ve claimed the throne in that regard!”

“Hmmm…” Yuzu stroked her chin, forming a plan in her mind. “Koko, you think there’s a chance those demons will come back for you? If Mandy hears how delicious your food was, what if she forces you to become her chef? At least, that’s the most merciful thing that could happen, considering you ruined her plan to poison the village.”

“N-N-Now Koko is more scared!” the girl shuddered.

“Koko, calm down! What I was gonna ask was, if that happens… do you think you could spy on them for us?”

“Oh, that’s a good idea!” Kodama beamed. “We have a few M.I.K.E.s in our Infi-Cube.” She reached in and retrieved a small device.

Kids Next Door: M.I.K.E.
Micro Intel Keeping Expedient

“If you could plant them around the castle and on yourself, we could receive the info on our communicators.”

“Koko’s a little worried, but…” Koko took and examined the M.I.KE., “if Chef Yuzu needs me, I can’t let her down!”

“In the meantime, we were thinking of exploring the country.” Yuzu replied. “We have a way of reporting intel to our KND.”

“My Sector Leader has a Zero Cycle! Koko will ask him to lend it to you. But it’s getting kinda late, and Hyrule’s pretty dangerous at night. Do you wanna spend the night at Koko’s?”

“That would be great! My feet are killing me. I wasn’t expecting such a lengthy mission.”

“And I feel like it’s about to get a lot more lengthy…” Kodama sighed.

Hyrule Castle

Tidbits about the Boogey Divisions: Each division in the crew represents a major fear common in all mortals. The Nightmare Division, run by Mandy herself, represents Fear itself. The Flame Division, consisting of firebenders, represent Destruction. The Phantom Division, consisting of ghosts, represent Death. The Shadow Division, consisting of spies and assassins, represent Predators spying on you from the darkness. The Undead Animals represent Loss of loved ones. And the Anti-Fairies, spirits of Misfortune, represent such.

Azula, Cortez, and Rā’s al Ghūl gathered at a table with a globe of Planet Hyrule. “Sigh, it feels so nice to be ruler of a nation again.” Azula said, blissfully spinning the globe. “But let’s cut to the chase. We need to decide which territories we’ll be ruling over.”

“We don’t have nearly enough soldiers to establish complete control over this world.” Rā’s replied. “And many of our demons are still managing territories on other worlds. In any case… I’ll set my sights on Gerudo Desert. Not only do the Gerudo seem like capable soldiers, I hear the Yiga Clan lurks in the nearby canyons. Fans of demons as they are, they’ll certainly join our ranks.”

“True, but isn’t there something else you’re looking for?”

“Indeed.” Rā’s smirked. “I know there’s at least one Lazarus Pit on every planet, and I intend to find Hyrule’s. I’m sure the knowledge in the Secret Cellar can tell me where. It will be the 3rd Lazarus Pit I bathe in, and once I do, I will be even stronger. But first, I’ll need to find a mage to sacrifice for the pit.”

“As for me,” Azula followed, “I’ll do a bit of landscaping. Preferably the forests, as I burn them to the ground to make room for our factories! I’ll avoid the Kokiri Forest for now. I also wouldn’t mind setting up a circus and finding performers to partake in life-or-death stunts. Just like the good old days.”

“Ay’ll take to the seas.” Cortez decided, stabbing a sword into the ocean on the globe. “I ’ave me eye set on the Phantom Sea, amigos. Beasts aplenty inhabit these depths, and the weather be nigh unpredictable. Ay’ve already sent General Bellum to scour the waters.”

“Don’t just stab your sword into that!” Azula shouted.

“Oi, it be a bloomin’ Zanpakutō!” Cortez withdrew the cutlass, revealing nary a scratch on the map. “A spirit sword, you moza! It won’t cut unless I tell it.”

“Ahahahahahahaha!” The three were approached by a skinny, psychotic woman. She had orange hair that shaped like horns, similar to Mandy, a green jumpsuit with black scratch marks, along with yellow gloves and boots. Her tongue dangled through her sharp teeth. “Blag blag blag, seeing you guys talk is sooooo boring! When am I gonna get to do some baby-shredding, uhn?!” Metal claws grew from her fingers.

This lovely woman’s name is Vicky the Baby-Shredder. Once a Teen Ninja under The Steve, Vicky was an infamous babysitter who physically tortured her clients’ children. In her adult years, she had never abandoned this hobby and was declared “mentally insane.” She was rescued from prison by Mandy’s crew and became a Torture Warden. She had eaten the Blade-Blade Fruit, lent to the Teens by Darth Genious, and can turn any part of her body into a blade.

“We’ve already captured some operatives and locked them in the castle playroom.” Azula replied. “I know Mandy ordered you to ‘rehabilitate’ the world’s operatives, so why aren’t you doing your job?”

“WELL, SHOOOOOOOOT, I can’t find my way through this big damn castle! So many halls and stairs and secret paths—and I’m about to make another one! Catch ya later, jackasses!” She made a chainsaw out of her hand and cut a hole in the floor, dropping in. “WAHOOOOOO—OW, I hit my pelvis against the chainsaw! Didn’t hurt, though…”

“Sigh, that girl.” Azula said. “At any rate… starting tomorrow, we’ll begin our ‘excavations.’”

“Speak for yerself, lassie.” Cortez claimed. “Ay can storm the seas for a hundred nights straight, and Ay’ll get started as soon as I quench me thirst with ghostly cocoa. …Not that I have buds to taste with. Yohohohohohohohoho!”

Unbeknownst to the commanders, Kimaya and Django were eavesdropping. “It’s just as I figured.” Django said. “That bastard’s more high on Lazarus than Carter was. But we won’t let him get his hands on this one.”

“You ain’t gotta worry ’bout nothin’, home bud.” Kimaya replied confidently. “Rotting Corpse poisonbending will make destroying that stank pit a synch. But not before Ah kill the old fart first.”

Boogey Coast

Mandy had collapsed on her bed, head throbbing after the humiliating events that just transpired. “This can’t be… It’s impossible. I’m Lord Mandy, the Queen of Fear! People have been scared of me since kindergarten! How…How could this have possibly happened?!”

“What’s wrong, Lord Mandy?” The queen gasped, suddenly enveloped in a colorful dimension. A giant scarecrow-like face rotated around her, singing loudly with its big mouth. “Are we having trouble with our look?” Mandy tried to cut him down to no avail. “How quite absurd for an Emperor. You TRIED to be FEARED… but I’m afraid you just aren’t scary, dear! MANDY!” She was thrown into the air by hundreds of applauding Hyruleans. “Hail our kind Queen MANDY!” And up she went again. “Big thanks to great Queen MANDY!” She could hear the cheers of children. “We love you, sweet Queen MANDYYYYY!”

“AAAGH!” Mandy destroyed the illusion with a burst of chi, panting. “It was…It was Horror’s Hand. I’m still being plagued by the nightmares Affright gave me. I need to conquer this fear once and for all! Or else this world will never fear me… and I’ll become the laughingstock all over again.”

I don’t know if I mentioned this, but another trait with Observation Haki is that, aside from being used for battle, it heightens a person’s ability to study something regarding their field of expertise. For instance, inventors can instinctively determine what parts make up a robot, and computer experts can tell a website’s code without physically seeing it. Vicky is from Fairly OddParents, and she’s the only Devil Fruit user in the crew.

“Hello, everyone, this is Omsoc.” The Anti-Fairy showed up onscreen. “Because the attention span of the passing reader is very low, I will now attempt to simplify this chapter for you. Ahem:” He took out a paper and began reading: “‘Plot plot plot, worldbuilding worldbuilding, plot plot mildly shocking twist, character revelation, setup setup, plot.’ There. Are you happy now?!”

Chapter Text

Wow, that new One Piece stole my breath. The return of Blackbeard, baby! Which means I gotta keep this Emperor Train rollin’!

Hyrule Castle; past midnight

Azula couldn’t remember the last time she slept in a nice, comfy castle. She missed the cozy bed, warm blanket, non-swaying room, and the videogame noises… wait, that part was new to her.

Whatever these strange noises were, they were annoying. Dressed in her red nightgown and hair drooping, the former princess stomped over to her door and pushed it open. Hearing the sounds more loudly, the commander marched down the castle hall in bare feet. The sounds originated from Mandy’s bedroom, and a faint light leaked from the gaps. The Darknut guards didn’t try to stop their superior as Azula barged in.

With bags in her eyes, Mandy was locked in Super Smash Bros.. Accompanying her was Gaz, lazily lain sideways along the floor. With Mandy playing as Bayonetta and Gaz playing Bowser, the two were almost an equal match with each other. “Mandy, it’s midnight! Honestly, you’re lucky Castle Town burned down or they’d be calling the police!” It should be noted Azula is one of the few people who could show such attitude to Mandy.

“Nnn, be quiet, Azula, I’mma beat the crap out of this damn turtle.”

“Good Lord, you’re drunk again.”

“Yeah, she is.” Gaz remarked. “She wanted to play in my room first, but I was like, ‘Not with that breath, sister.’” Gaz was another person who could show attitude to Mandy.

“I should’ve known you’d be a bad influence.” Azula said to Gaz. “Why would Mandy invite you to the crew, anyway? Aren’t you just online rivals?”

“I’m in it for the giant mechs.”

“Mandy, a good queen needs a good night’s sleep. Turn that thing off and go to-”

“NYARH!” She threw the controller at Azula. “Don’t ever call me a good queen AGAIN, ya…ya ‘good’ demolisher!” She resumed playing… but her fingers only mashed the air: her controller was gone. “You idiot… because of you, this damn turtle’s gonna make off with my princess. Why does she like turtles more than me?!”

Azula rolled her eyes and walked over with the controller. “Mandy, what’s bothering you, anyway? Did the first day on the job not go very well?”

“Nnnnn… It went terrific. Terrific in the worst possible way. That damn Sheikah girl tricked me. She gave them all delicious food when it was supposed to poison them. Now everyone thinks I’mma saint…”

“Oh, you poor thing. But if you ask me, this problem is salvageable. All you have to do is send Smaug to burn Kakariko! That’ll send Hyrule the message you want. You want me to send word to him right now?”

“Nnnnnnnn…” Mandy shut her eyes and stroked the lids. “I…I…I wanna say ‘yes’… but my mouth won’t listen! Why won’t my mouth shut up?!”

“I think I know why: you simply don’t have the heart for it.” Azula shook her head. “You may have powerful Fear Chi… but your kind actions contradict your threats and your effect on people.”

“WAAAAAAAAAaaaaahhh!” Mandy fell backwards, bawling as she was arched over Gaz’s striped stockings.

“I’m like ten K.O.’s ahead of you now.” Gaz reminded, showing no mercy in the Emperor’s miserable state.

“Oh, get ahold of yourself, Mandy. I never thought generosity was a bad thing. Do you know how I first became friends with Mai and Ty Lee? They asked to be friends in order to climb up the social ladder. And I, the generous Azula, approved. From then, I continued to grant other generous favors for them, and do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because it put them in debt to me.” Azula smirked wickedly. “My kindness made them feel gratitude, and that gratitude became fear. I was unselfishly generous because I could manipulate them into doing what I asked, make them feel guilty over using my power for their own gain. So, you see, Mandy, you can’t rely on fear to control people. You rely on kindness.”

“Rely on… kindness?” Mandy gazed at her open palms. “Use kindness… to invoke fear? Even after becoming Logia, after years of honing my element… I’ve felt so weak. Is this what I’ve been missing?”

“There’s only one way to find out. Perhaps you should take a break from being a Fear Queen, and present yourself as a kind queen instead. After all… the first step to conquering your fear is to face it. …Well, after you get some sleep, that is.”

“Present myself as a kind queen? Would that… work?”

“Who knows? You could start by ‘kindly’ telling Gaz to leave.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Gaz remarked following the announcement, GAME! “Nice playing with you, Mandy.” She pulled her legs out from under the queen, letting her fully collapse. Gaz turned off the TV and console and proceeded to leave. Azula sighed at her demeanor and worked to lift Mandy onto her bed.

The next morning; Hyrule Field

The sun was barely lighting the lush fields as Kodama and Yuzu crossed the country on a motorcycle made of Sheikah Tech. “Yeehaaaaaaa!” cheered Kodama, her head leaned over the steering wheel. Her eyes were wide with excitement, and she refused to blink, no matter how much wind pounded her face. “I tell ya, Yuzu, these Hylians REALLY know how to breathe the wild!!”

“Kodama, if we’re going to be exploring Hyrule for awhile, have you thought about where we’re going to stay?” Yuzu asked, hugging the driver’s waist. “We don’t even have Rupees.”

“No problem, we’ll just find them under rocks or in trees and stuff. Minish are as active here as they are on Earth.”

“True, but there’s one other thing that concerns me: Mandy’s new laws decree that Hyruleans can’t discriminate against demons. Does that mean we can’t fight them?”

“No, it means we can’t attack them without just cause, but if they attack first, it’s our right to defend ourselves. …Well, if Mandy’s the queen, maybe not, so we’re screwed either way, hehe.”

“Why don’t we park somewhere and check with our teammates? It also wouldn’t hurt to find the nearest village on our M.A.P..”

Hyrule Castle

As if according to Yuzu and Kodama’s predictions, a gang of Lizalfos dragged Koko back to the castle, dropping her at Mandy’s throne. The young Sheikah faced the queen with little fear in her eyes. “So, you had the gall to trick me.” Mandy said.

“You ordered me to cook the demon parts and serve them to Kakariko. I figured you meant for me to poison them, but you never specified.” Koko replied with a firm tone. “But even if you had, I would never hurt someone with my food, even enemies.”

“You know, this morning, I had the Dragon Call in my hand, and I was about to have Kakariko burned before I ate breakfast. But your little stunt has given the people a better impression of me. And it was then I realized… maybe I can use you to my advantage.”

“You want me to be your personal chef?”

“Yes, but not just for me. I want to take you on my journey around the kingdom. If the Hyruleans love your cooking, they will love me for serving it to them.”

“You want to use my cooking to gain favor with the populace?”

“Refusal to cooperate will result in the destruction of-”

“You really admire my cooking that much?!” Koko’s eyes began to water, a crescent grin lighting her face. “Do you know what an honor this is for Koko?”

“This isn’t gonna be a cakewalk, brat! Hyrule has a ton of races and tribes, and they all have different tastes.”

“Koko knows! Koko visits a lot of KND sectors and learns what they like to eat. She even keeps a recipe book!” She presented a book labeled Koko’s Recipes. “Just give Koko the right ingredients and she’ll cook whatever’s appropriate for any race!”

“As long as it boosts my reputation, you’ll have all the ingredients you could possibly need. Now, let’s get to work!”

Cindy Cortix had walked out onto a castle balcony, staring out at the ruined castle town. “Hah…Princess of Hyrule. Don’t I feel royal.”

“Heeeey, it’s my favorite little niece!” Catherine cheerily called out as she swayed up and placed a hand down on Cindy’s short head. “You’ve gotten so big since last time! You excited to be ruler of your own planet?”

“Meh. My mom’s just gonna be really busy and I’ll be bored.”

“Oh, I’m sure there’s a ton of fun things to do. Come on, let’s explore the kingdom together! Spend some quality time with Aunt Catherine!”

“You’re gonna end up passing out in a bar somewhere. Then I’ll look pathetic.”

“Fine, then we can bring Uncle Nergal along, too. I’ll let you riiiide hiiiim~”

“Make him turn into the prettiest pony ever.”

“It’s a deal!”

Hebra Mountain

Mandy’s takeover had become famous amongst all the KNDs, with the Coruscanti being no strangers to it. A fleet of ships amassed outside Hyrule in attempt to shoot through the Anti-Fairy swarm. In the midst of combat, a cloaked ship had managed to sneak through a clearing of fairies. It descended to the planet and through a sea of clouds, the air becoming frosty as they were nearing Hebra Mountain.

Hebra took up the northwest portion of Hyrule’s Main Land, a land that only the bravest explorers would venture. The ship landed within a crevice as five operatives stepped out. They were the agents of Sector Hinobi, Mitch Williams, High Five, Zahra, Bergy, and Haneesh (from Glitch Techs). “Oh, man…I can’t believe we just landed on a Pirate Emperor’s planet!” Bergy said cowardly. “This is way outside our jurisdiction!”

“Yeah, well blame Five!” Mitch argued. “It was his idea to volunteer us for this crazy mission.”

“You agreed to it, too, Mitch.” Five reminded. “Besides, our reputation’s been a bit bad ever since glitch info became more public. We can’t just limit ourselves to fixing Hinobi’s problems.”

“All I’m saying is the fans better love me for this.” Mitch said as he cloaked the parked ship. “Let’s find a way off this mountain.” The team of five began their venture down the snowy path.

“I just wish we could’ve landed somewhere more convenient.” Zahra said. “Like, I know landing here makes us less conspicuous, but how’re we supposed to escort prisoners all the way up here?!”

“For now, we just need to investigate. Eventually, more operatives will make land on the planet and things should be easier.”

“Do you think we could go to Gerudo Town first? I heard it’s one of the nicest places!”

“It is if you’re a girl.” Five inferred.

“Hey, what’s that?” Haneesh pointed. A faint streak of light seemed to graze across the clouds. They could make out a shape around the light’s source, and it seemed to be, “It’s… coming toward us!”

“Ohhhhh NERDS!” Mitch screamed, the kids ducking as a large mech, resembling a white knight, whooshed above and brushed away the snow. The mech turned vertical and landed firmly, turning to face the intruders.

“So, that’s why most of the invading fleet was above this mountain. Thought you could sneak onto the planet, huh?”

“They discovered us already?!” Mitch exclaimed.

“You barely even started the level, but it’s already Game Over! So, let’s get this over with!” The knight slashed its blade and released a strip of energy, the operatives jumping backward.

“Go for the knees!” Mitch shot the knees as his teammates followed orders. Despite its hefty build, the knight performed tricky dodging maneuvers and leapt for a chop attack, the five breaking apart. The knight dealt a spin attack against Mitch, who brought up a shield in defense, but was still knocked away. Five used jetshoes to fly above and attempt to bash the robot’s head with a Digi-Hammer. The pilot noticed glitches in their controls and reacted to swat five away.

“So, your gadgets are designed to mess with programming. But I’ll bet it has a harder time with foreign machinery.” When Haneesh tried to chop its legs with scissors, the knight jumped and thrusted a kick to kick the larger boy away. Bergy had latched onto its back and climbed to the head, shooting a Derez Beam. The knight performed a backflip, side flip, then spin to shake Bergy off. Zahra dealt a slash to the knee with her laser sword, but the knight twirled and kicked her backward, followed by a spin and chop-down at Mitch, who dodged.

“Hey, Mitch, you think we should try to retreat?” Five asked.

“You can try, but no matter where you go, nothing will stop me from raining terror and fear unlike you have ever seen!”

“Terror and fear?” That line was almost familiar to Mitch. And now that he thought about it, this mech’s techniques were sort of familiar to him. Its techniques, along with that line reminded him of… “Gamer Queen Gaz?!”

In a house somewhere on the mountains, Gaz was controlling the knight with a Sheikah Slate, which displayed a first-person view like a handheld game. “Hold on… he said your name was Mitch. Did he mean Mitch Williams?”

“Queen Gaz?! What in blazes are YOU doing here?! I knew you were rivals with Mandy, but you’re actually in her crew?!”

“I just wanted a little excitement in my life. And I’m actually having fun! Especially now that you’re here, cocky little Mitch!”

“This thing is the actual Gamer Queen?!” Haneesh exclaimed. “That’s impossible!”

“Heh. I guess there’s only one way out of this.” Mitch smirked. “Gang… follow my lead!”

Great Sea

Karin and Panini slept outside a horse stable for the night. Afterwards, Karin became a ghost and carried her comrade past the shore and over the ocean. Because of all the demons that seemed to occupy the sea, either on platforms or in small battleships, Karin had to make them invisible and/or take detours. Doing so consumed her energy, so they would rest at unoccupied islands in their flight path. Right now, the girls stopped on Greatfish Island, a ruin of an island that was divided into five, upturned landmasses.

“Flying over the ocean is usually a good stress-reliever.” Karin said as they rested their feet in the shallow waves. The girls were on a narrow beach at the base of a small trench. “Now it’s just super stressful.”

“Ya better not be callin’ me heavy!” Panini rebutted.

“Girl, look at your anatomy compared to mine. You’re super heavy!”

“Excuse me for not being half-dead.”

A few miles offshore, a telescope emerged from the surface and peered at the operatives. A band of demon pirates were occupying a submarine with a barrel design. “Captain, I think I just spotted the ghost girl and her friend.” explained a pink Bokoblin. “They look way too suspicious.”

“I’ve already sent word to General Bellum.” replied a Big Blin. “I don’t know how strong they are, but if they’re fast, he’ll catch them no doubt.”

“Oi, the fog is already rolling in.”

“That means he’s here. We’ll wait for his signal.”

Much to the girls’ confusion, the sun was blocked by the arrival of thick white fog. “Oh, great. Now it’s chilly.” Panini said, quickly stepping out of the water.

“Panini, there’s something weird about this fog. I can almost feel a spiritual presence…”

Psshoooooo! The whistle of a missile ruptured the air.

“PANINI!” Karin grabbed her friend and took flight seconds before the beach was destroyed by a missile. “Dammit, they must’ve spotted us a while back. Let’s fly straight through!” She turned them invisible and flew steadfast forward, evading any further missiles. “Ugh, this fog goes on forever.” Karin complained, becoming visible. “Can you still track Cheren’s-”

A Reapling appeared from the fog and lashed its scythe, striking Karin as the two fell. The girls crashed on the deck of a dark ship, which had a large, horned skull figurehead, lanterns to serve as headlights, and the label Phantom Hour. Reaplings surrounded them with scythes raised. “Bloop bop boooo. Who are these little phantoms haunting Cortez’s sea?” A squid-like being floated toward them: it had five purple tentacles with an eye on each, a yellow central body, and a larger eye within its mouth, peering at the girls. His likeness was reflected on the ship’s mainsail. “You’ve got some ’splaining to do, girls.”

“Who are you, ya disgusting excuse for a Kirby boss?!” Panini retorted.

“That’s Bellum to you, little missy! To say such a rude remark, you must be brimming with life force.”

“Bellum? Wait…” Karin pulled out her Soul Phone and scanned the monster. “Bellum the Sea Phantom, wanted with a bounty of 650,000,000 Mon, who once served as one of Davy Jones’ Division Commanders. You’re a known criminal in the Spirit World!”

“And you naughty things look like KND operatives. Lord Mandy has made it clear that your kind is banned, but I’m sure she won’t mind a few statues in her castle!” (Play “Keeper of Lust” from Persona 5!)

Bellum lashed all five tentacles at the two, but Karin sliced them with her Zanpakutō while Panini defended with flames. “Bankai!” Karin declared, her sword morphing into a soccer ball with a spirit flame. The Reaplings closed in on them, but with a mighty kick, the Soul Soccer bounced around all the Reaplings like a lightning-fast cannonball, blasting them off so fast that their ghostly bodies dispersed. “Now I’ll go for the goal!” Karin shot skyward, and when her ball returned, she dealt another great kick directly at Bellum’s central eye. The soccer drilled against the sealed lid before bouncing off, the massive eye popping wide open. “That shell is stronger than it looks.”

“I bet ya use the other eyes to see!” Panini declared, slashing flame whips at the tentacles again. Bellum hastily maneuvered his tentacles before snatching Panini, only for her to burn herself free. “I bet sea demons aren’t a fan of Underworld flames! FIRE BUNNY FURY!” Panini unlocked her Fire Gate as emerald flames ignited her body, her twin ponytails taking the form of fiery rabbit ears.

An angered Bellum stuck his tentacles into the deck, melding his body with the ship as eyes grew on it. Half the eyes locked onto each girl, blasting ghostly cannonballs. Panini rapidly hopped around the air and used her strengthened feet to kick them back into the eyes, whilst Karin dodged the ammo and used quick, consecutive kicks to destroy the eyes with her soccer. “Karin to Yachiru, requesting assistance!” she yelled to her Soul Phone. “I’m fighting Bellum, repeat, Bellum the Sea Phantom on Hyrule’s ocean!”

Karin heard the whistling missiles again, seeing the projectiles descending; shark faces were painted on them. She began to destroy them with Ecto Beams, leaving Panini to destroy the ship’s eyes. Panini launched down and gripped Bellum’s eyelid, pulling it open with all her strength. “AAAAHHH!” The rabbit’s fire burned the bulbous eye. A tentacle popped out of the deck and shot a sticky pink goop, but Panini dodged by flipping in the air and stamping her foot into the eye. “YOOOOOOWW!” Bellum desperately grabbed Panini and threw her off, burning a tentacle in the process. “Oh, my eye! My eye, my eye! Cubus Sisters, where’s my eye drops?! Bring me my damn eye drops!”

“Right here, sister!” Karin declared, blasting the Soul Soccer directly at the eye, but four hideous ghosts intercepted and kicked it simultaneously. The Cubus Sisters had forced grins, orange eyes, horns, and wore a red, blue, yellow, and green ragged cloak respectively.

“These bullies aren’t playing fair.” said Joelle, the red sister.

“Meg, give Lord Bellum the eye drops.” ordered Beth, the yellow sister.

“What?! I thought Amy had it!” Meg, the purple one, argued.

“I knew you would forget.” Amy, the green one, remarked.

“Why are you four so damn useless?!” Bellum shouted.

Karin kicked her ball at Meg, who was forced downward, but the other three quickly stacked up behind her and broke the fall. They returned the ball, but Karin kicked it at Bellum, only for Joelle to do a roundhouse kick back to her. Karin did a vertical rounded kick, but it was returned by Amy, the ball going behind Karin, but with a flip-kick, the ball shot underwater. The sisters looked around until the ball blew up through the ship and struck Joelle, Amy, Beth, then Meg with supreme momentum.

Meanwhile, Bellum reached a tentacle in the ship’s pantry and retrieved eye drops, dipping them on himself. “OOOOOH, BABY!” His full strength returned like a Fountain of Youth. “Boy, do I fucking love eye drops!!” Bellum took to the air and stretched his tentacles, all six eyes open and facing Karin directly. “Dark Light BEAM!” Five small lasers connected the small eyes with the big eye, which in turn unleashed a beam of darkness. Karin flew evasively as the beam tried to follow her. Karin flew above, tossed her soccer up, and kicked it directly into the beam, pressing ever downward as energy spewed around like a fountain.

Sadly, the Dark Beam prevailed and pushed the ball back, even as Karin stamped down on it. “Huh?!” To her surprise, twin Song Beams descended and applied extra power, completely forcing the Dark Beam back into Bellum’s eye. Karin faced up, almost surprised at seeing the Spirit KND operatives who had come to her rescue. “You guys made it!”

“Yo, Karin, you found yourself one hell of a freakshow!” Beat remarked.

“Does he kiss his mom with that mouth?!” followed his sister, Rhyme. Alongside them were their teammates from Sector REAP: an orange-haired boy named Neku, a teenage male angel named Joshua, and a large-hatted girl named Shiki.

“Can you guys take it from here?” Karin asked. “We’re trying to find someone.”

“You can count on us.” Joshua replied with an assuring smile. “Take that human to safety.”

Karin swooped down and grabbed Panini, whose Fire Fury had worn off. They took flight beyond the fog as the five spirit operatives surrounded Bellum. “Blip blop boo… At this rate, I may need to call Cortez…” Bellum said.

“We won’t give you the chance!” Shiki declared. (End song.)

Outset Island

At long last, Karin and Panini arrived at an island where the seas were calm. They landed at the top of a mountain to catch their breath, left with torn clothes and no shoes after their sudden battle. Karin received a call from Yuzu. “Karin-nee, are you there? You haven’t been answering my calls.”

“Sorry, Yuzu. We got into a fight with some demons, but we escaped. How’re you doing?”

Yuzu recapped the plan they had set for Koko. “And it seems like we were right.” Kodama followed. “They brought her back to the castle and she started setting M.I.K.E.s. By the sound of things, Mandy is trying to give the people a better impression of her using Koko’s cooking.”

“Well, I hope she doesn’t get discovered. Keep us posted, we’ll get back to you.” Transmission ended. “Hoo… Now to find Cheren.”

The two heard footsteps coming up the mountain path. They saw a head of blonde hair rising up, and Panini soon recognized her as Biscuit Krueger. “Oh, it’s just you. I sensed two figures show up on the mountain and thought it was Mandy’s soldiers.”

“Where is Cheren?”

Bisky led them down the mountain, to a small and peaceful village. They crossed a pier and climbed a ladder to a tall lookout platform, where Cheren lay asleep in tattered clothes. “I made him go into the Savage Labyrinth armed with only his fists and legs. It’s a dungeon with tons of monsters that get stronger as you go deeper. I gotta say, he grasped the fundamentals of Haki in a pretty short amount of time. His prior combat experience was a major asset to this.”

“Then is he finally ready to come back and lead us? ’Cause we could SERIOUSLY use him!”

“Sadly, he’s not. However, after resting him up, it’ll finally be time for his final trial. Or should I say, his final 100 Trials.”

“You guys have a Pit of 100 Trials?” Karin asked.

“So does every planet!”

“And I suppose you won’t let me tell him that another one of his sectors was captured?” Panini asked.

“That… would put a hindrance in his training, yeah.”

“Sigh… Karin, you might as well go find your teammates or somethin’. I’ll be staying here a while.”

“Really? Well, I’m gonna rest first, for one thing. If you need me, just call.” She climbed down.

Panini cracked her knuckles, and Bisky remained still. “Have at it.” said the Drill Sergeant.

“YAAAAAAHH!” The people of Outset heard a shout, followed by violent beating sounds.

“Kids, maybe you shouldn’t play up there today.” a mother told her children.

“Yaaaaawn…” Cheren woke from his slumber, barely feeling the pain from his battles. “I can’t believe I survived… Bisky, you shoulda seen the way I handled those Darknuts…?”

His trainer was faced away, applying makeup to hide her bruises. For a second, Cheren thought he noticed one. “Bisky, did… something happen?”

“Hm? No, nothing!” She faced him with a beaming smile. “Good news, Cheren, you’re ready for your final test!”

“Aw, sweet! Where we heading this time?”

“The Korok Forest. …However, I think there’s something you should know. Bluntly put, your Aunt Mandy has taken over Hyrule.” She showed him a newspaper.

“WHAT THE FRICK?!”

“Calm down! I’m just as confused as you are, but I won’t allow you to see her until you’ve finished your training!”

“Sigh… Well, this will be a fun reunion. I can only imagine how that girl’s twisting this world.”

Across the kingdom (Play the Opening to That Girl!)

Lake Hylia was famous for its Watertop Land amusement park, and today, hundreds were lining up to ride Lord Mandy’s Carrier Kargaroks. Making sure the children were all strapped to the straddles, the queen ordered their takeoff. The multiracial kids cheered with joy, but the Goron kids quickly became too heavy for the large birds. Sadly, the Kargaroks plummeted. The parents gasped, but Mandy dove into the lake and swam beneath them, extending giant hands of fear to catch the Kargaroks, struggling to hold up their immense weight. To top it off, one of the Zora riders threw up on her head from 50 meters in the air. The parents cheered, all the while enjoying Koko’s hotdogs and pizza.

Newspapers were going around, and the headline was Lord Mandy Saves Gorons from Drowning! Allows Rito kids to eat fish vomit off her head!

Hytopia was a small kingdom north of the mainland, beyond its Great Ridge. It was famous for its fashion, but infamous for discriminating people with round ears. At this very moment, a group of aspiring soldiers were forbidden entry into the training camp, due to their round-earred heritage. But Mandy walked up to King Tuft, held up a pointed pizza slice, and cut the tip off with her sword. Taking the hint with a gulp, the round-earred humans were allowed into training. This, combined with Koko’s Stylish Soup, made them very happy.

Lord Mandy Ends Human Discrimination in Hytopia! Rumors that the Krueger Family’s daughter eloped with a peasant boy?

Cortez’s ship, the Black Skull, docked at a port as dozens of tourists boarded. The undead captain laughed and smiled with the aura of a welcoming host, his Ember minions serving food cooked in the castle’s very kitchens. The ghost ship sailed treacherous waters that no other cruise liner would dare venture. The kids also took apart Cortez’s bones and had sword fights with them, and they played volleyball with his skull.

Dreaded Ghost Ship Becomes Special Cruise Liner! Who Wore It Better? Gerudo Chief Riju or Goron Princess Sangoro?

As days flew by, Sector JP continued to read newspapers of Mandy’s kind deeds. She had collected water from Forest Haven and had it delivered to Koroks around the world, who needed it to grow their trees. She had cut down almost a hundred trees and given them to Bolson Construction, who would build homes over the newly desolate land. Her Ice Demons helped cargo trains deliver ice from Anouki villages to hot regions, without letting too much melt.

Lord Mandy Finds 120 Korok Seeds: The first person to care about them in 200 years!

Lord Mandy Exterminates a House Full of Skulltulas: Rumors that Mandy has a spider for a son.

The Deku Tree Releases his Tea-Making Secrets: Koroks Are NOT An Ingredient?! (End song.)

Dragon Roost Island

“Breaking news, Master!” a Wizzrobe shouted. “Lord Mandy just fixed a dog’s leg just in time for the Doggy Grand Prix!”

“Ooooo bluh bluh bluh!” laughed Master Wizzrobe, a parrot being in an orange robe and Incan crown. “Our queen has made the headline for 10 days in a row! Hurry up and get this copied!”

“As you say, fellow Wizzrobe journalist!” replied a crow Rito in a trenchcoat. “I am so honored, to be a Wizzrobe, in Mandy’s crew, and not affiliated with the Kremling Krew, in any way—SHAPE—or form.” He faced left and right in a twitchy manner. “Say, now that you have mentioned this topic, do you know what cheat code Mandy uses to beat K. Rool in their favorite competitive game?”

“Quit stuttering and print the damn paper!”

“I see, I see! Achievement Unlocked: WHY? is a very clever cheat, and we had best hope K. Rool, does not come by this knowledge.” The crow zipped away and quickly dialed a number. “Kroctus-sama, Kroctus-sama! Uminuh uminuh UMINUH!”

Tabantha Tundra

East of Hebra Mountain, along the Tabantha Snowfield, Cindy and Catherine were riding Nergal, transformed into a dreary-eyed horse. Nergal charged toward a pack of wolves, who turned tail and ran. “AWOO!” A wolf cried as Nergal stomped it and kept running.

“OUCH! Right on the paw!” Catherine cheered.

“Yippee…” Cindy sighed.

“Well, if stomping ten wolves doesn’t make you laugh, something must be wrong.” Nergal figured.

“Aunt Catherine… Uncle Nergal… am I unlikeable?”

“Why would you say that?” Catherine wondered. “You’re the scariest little monster I know!”

“I think you just agreed with her.” Nergal said.

“It’s just all my friends are dead animals and crewmen. Mom’s been doing all this nice stuff and making people like her. At first, I thought it was dumb, but… now that she’s doing it on purpose, I feel kind of… sick! I feel like I’ll look bad if I don’t get people to like me!”

“Why don’t you go and practice? Look, there’s some Anouki over there.” He pointed his hoof to a group of Anouki kids sliding on their bellies.

“But what if they only like me ’cause they’re afraid of me?”

“Kids can be pretty shallow like that.” Catherine agreed. “Sometimes, they’re not much different from men. Still, you deserve as many followers as Mandy! And if they don’t like you, I’ll give them a little push.”

“Thanks, Aunt Catherine.” Cindy smiled. The princess took a nervous breath. “Here it goes…” She climbed off her uncle and approached the sliding Anouki. “Ahem…HEY! YOU!”

The Anouki immediately ceased and jumped to attention. Her grin was wide and haunting, as if she were a serial killer lurking in the snow. “Wanna be frieeeeeeends?”

“AAAAAAHH!” The Anouki cried and slid away.

“HEY! I demand FRIENDSHIP!” Cindy ran after them.

“Maybe you should just be yourself.” Nergal suggested.

“Hehe, have fun, Cindy!” Catherine called. “C’mon, Nergs, let’s head back to the stable! I think a guy in there was eying me, oooo, he’s in for a hell of a night!”

Eldin’s Flank; north of Death Mountain

The earth around Death Mountain was a pinkish-red with the most minimal plant life. Jinta and Ururu traveled along Eldin’s Flank, which lay just between Death Mountain and the Great Ridge, a gaping and vacant chasm that divided this continent from the next. “Man, Hyrule sucks.” Jinta said. “Dumb horses too scared to come up a dumb volcano, making us walk everywhere… and why didn’t the Gorons have an easier way down here? This is THEIR mountain!”

“Keep your voice down, Jinta-kun. Smaug might hear us.” Ururu spoke softly.

The pair had just made a perilous journey up Death Mountain and visited the Gorons. Based on what they gathered, Smaug’s lair was hidden deep beneath Death Mountain, its entrance within the cliff of the Great Ridge. An ancient Dragon’s Lullaby was played to lull Smaug into an eternal slumber, lest he be rudely awakened by an outside force. The Gorons used earthbending to seal the entrance to the cave, but this all took place 3,900 years ago.

Jinta gasped, “Ururu, get down!” They crouched, seeing a small, dark figure descending down the ridge.

Ururu zoomed the vision on her visor. “Jinta, it’s the Anti-Fairy Princess. Sivam, I think?”

“Well, don’t just stand there, follow her! She might be going to Smaug.”

“F-F-Follow her?”

“You’re the spy, aren’t you? Just come back if something bad happens.”

“Right…” Mustering her courage, Ururu shrank and flew after the fairy. With fly-like speed, she bypassed the cliff a lot faster than she would on foot, but flying over the gaping Great Ridge was almost overwhelming to the Tiny Devil’s heart. If she were knocked out of the air, her wings broken, she might never be found at the bottom of that darkness.

Ururu eventually began to see the gaping entrance to a cave come into view. As expected, Sivam flew inside it, so Ururu flew faster to keep up. Going inside the cave was like entering the mouth of a tremendous, hungry beast. Ururu had only Sivam to guide her, but she kept a safe distance behind the Anti-Fairy, fearing any enhanced senses she might have. Still, Ururu had to admit the fairy was beautiful in her own way. She was a big fan of bat wings on any attire; heck, she was flying with makeshift bat wings on her very suit.

Ururu gasped, immediately hiding behind a pebble when Sivam stopped and about-faced. Though her face bore a dimwitted expression, she thought she heard an annoying buzzing. Sivam hated bugs, no matter how inconsequential they were. Sivam took a whiff of the ash in the air and, “ACHOO!”

Her sneeze caused a stalactite to fall directly above Ururu. Her life flashed before her eyes; although she had plenty of time to dodge, she feared that Sivam would sense her movement. Sivam waited until the stone’s tip made contact with the ground and shattered. “Ahhh, now I gots room for more snot.” Sivam said with satisfaction, continuing onward. When no one said “bless you,” Sivam’s misfortune only increased.

However, tiny Ururu had thrown her fist up at just the right time, her super strength breaking the stalactite. “Owwww…” She rubbed her knuckles, praying she would get to treat them soon. Ururu kept flying, staying low to the ground and landing every few seconds to keep from being heard.

An echoing, monstrous snoring filled the air. Finally, they arrived at a massive temple that served as Smaug’s lair, his nest in the form of a mountain of gold and jewels. “Yaaaaaawwwwwn…” The great dragon woke when an unpleasant smell hit his nose. It was the smell of someone who hadn’t bathed in 6,000 years. His slit reptilian eyes fell upon the fairy in question. “Hello, Sivam. Is patrol going well?”

“I wish. Bellum got in a fight with some spirit operatives, but we ain’t find anyone else weird. Give me a fire bath, Smaug.”

“With pleasure.” Smaug blew a gentle breath over Sivam, setting her ablaze.

“Ohhhhhhhhh yaaaaaaaaassssss.” Sivam’s dress burned off her blackened, bare body. “Like, fuck fairies all day, dragons are sooooo hooooot.” She twirled in the air, and for a moment, Ururu shut her eyes from a hideous sight. Luckily, Sivam’s hair blocked the back of her body, and she remained facing Smaug during this talk. “You’re the absolute best, Smaugy.”

“As are you, Sivy.” Smaug closed his eyes as the fairy pressed herself to his snout, embracing in their warmth and coldness respectively.

“Are those two… seriously in love?” Ururu whispered.

“Still, I could never have imagined an ordinary human achieving such power.”

“Finding Anti-Fairy World was a piece of cow pie, it’s like they beg Ralava to barge into their turf. Then it was just a matter of finding this baby!” Sivam raised her wand, which had a white hilt, black jewel, and bat wings. “The Ztar Rod, source of misfortune in Anti-Fairy World. Any average Joe that tries to pluck it goes kerploop, but it found a strange liking to me. What REALLY sucked though is I became a smelly fairy.”

“Yes… Even more unlucky that we dragons are impervious to magic.”

“Yeh, but good thing my magic can help ya, too. I already cursed this whole planet with misfortune; breaking mirrors, going under ladders, spilling salt, stepping on cracks, we ain’t gonna make living here easy! It’ll take someone a whole lotta luck to hit your weak spot, but their luck ran out the second I set foot on the planet!”

“So, he has a weak spot.” Ururu said, scanning the beast. “But where? He’s covered in armor head to toe.”

“Achoo!” Sivam sneezed, the force of her nostrils blowing some of the coins apart. Ururu gasped when a coin rolled her very direction, reacting on impulse to punch it away.

How unfortunate that Smaug caught sight of that very coin. It was such an unusual phenomenon to seemingly bounce off nothing. The dragon blew fire at that very spot, and Ururu dodged with a skip of her tiny heart. She took that as her cue to fly the heck out.

“Sivam, would you sneeze in that direction?”

“Okay?” The princess inhaled ash through her nose and, “ACHOO! ACHOO!” Small rocks fell in convenient places throughout the cave, narrowly missing Ururu.

“Somehow, I don’t think those are merely insects.” The dragon stormed down the cave, blasting flames.

Jinta grew worried when he saw flames burst from the cliffside. “Ururu, did something happen?!”

“Jinta-kun, get away from the cliff!”

“RAAAAAAHHH!” The dragon greeted the atmosphere with a cry, soaring above the cliff to view the mountain. Ururu returned and landed on Jinta’s shoulder, the boy firmly clasping his giant baseball bat. The dragon’s deathly gaze fell upon them. “Come to play ball with me, boy? Well, here comes the pitch.” Smaug molded the flames in his lungs before coughing a meteor.

The scene where Ururu’s following Sivam is kind of a reference to Wendy’s Mistake, when Wendy followed Mavis, and it’s funny ’cause Ururu kind of resembles Wendy. Sector REAP is from World Ends With You, and Bellum is from Phantom Hourglass; in an earlier draft for the Gameverse, he was one of Ganon’s henchmen, and he essentially replaced Davy Jones.

Chapter Text

I feel like Fear is one of the more underused elements in the series, but we’re exploring a new side to it today!

Eldin’s Flank

Imbuing his bat with Haki, Jinta destroyed the massive fireball with a mighty swing, but reacted swiftly to dodge Smaug’s hammering head. “Hey, can’t a kid go for a nice walk without a dragon sticking its neck in his business?!” Jinta tried to retreat, but Smaug landed in his path and blew fire, the boy raising his bat in defense. Smaug ceased and grunted when something small began to sting his eyes, shutting them as he swung his head about.

“WAAAAH!” Ururu screamed, taking the blow and crashing against the mountainside. If not for her durability, the Tiny Devil would be splat by now. Though Smaug remained unaware to her presence, he instinctively blew fire in her direction, so Ururu hurriedly flew away. Jinta could tell he was targeting her, so the boy ran up and struck one of Smaug’s claws. This had no effect as the dragon smacked him away, Jinta falling off the cliff. “JINTA-KUN!” Ururu saw him and flew down as fast as possible, but remained tiny in order to carry an element of surprise.

She managed to bypass her falling friend, get underneath, and threw her hands up against his stomach. Jinta’s immense weight brought her down a tad, but she regained herself and mustered all her strength to prevent their descent. It still astonished Jinta that she could be so strong while still being so little. Smaug peered over the cliff, astonished by the fact this human could apparently fly. “Ururu, didn’t you say he had a weak spot somewhere?”

“He didn’t say where it was.”

“If you fly around his body, you think you can spot it?”

“Are you crazy?! We should try to get away from this thing! You saw what happened to Sakura, and you dropped your bat in the chasm!”

“But if we can find out his weakness now, we can develop a strategy later.”

“Where you going, boy?!” Smaug began to fly after them, blasting fireballs that they narrowly dodged. Jinta ordered her to drop him onto his back, so Ururu complied, shifting upward and suddenly pulling back. To Smaug’s surprise, Jinta landed on him, clasping one of his spine blades with one hand and trying to punch him with the other. “What pitiful act of rebellion is this?” Smaug twisted his head to see the little prey. “My armor is like tenfold shields, which even the most powerful warriors cannot penetrate.”

Ururu flew underneath the dragon, scanning for a weak spot. “His stomach looks like a different color. But it doesn’t seem like… wait a minute, that’s gold! Is that from the treasure he was sleeping on?! Jinta-kun, I think the weak spot is on his belly, but he covered it with gold!”

“He’s gotta have SOME other weak spot!” Jinta yelled into his communicator.

“WHAT other weak spot?!” Smaug suddenly flipped, Jinta holding tight. “I knew it! There IS someone else with you, someone smaller! But luck isn’t with you today, brats!” The dragon slammed his back against the cliff, but Jinta pressed his Haki arms to either side to prevent a more fatal impact, resulting in bloody arms. Ururu gasped in horror, knowing Jinta could not survive that a second time. When Smaug readied to smash him again, the Tiny Devil swooped by and grabbed Jinta by the collar, carrying him off just in time.

“I knew this was a bad idea.” Ururu said, looking back at the dragon. “We’ll be lucky if we get out of here…?” Her visor scanned a particular spot on the left side of Smaug’s chest. “Oh! Jinta-kun, I think I found-”

“ZTAR STORM!” Princess Sivam cast a black beam to the sky, and black stars rained everywhere.

“AAAAAHH!” The Ztars struck Jinta and Ururu, breaking the Tiny Devil’s wings as they fell into the Great Rift.

“And goooooood riddance, mothuh effers!” Sivam cheered. “What easy pickin’s. They don’t make good operatives like they used ta.”

“If that was an operative, aren’t you ordered to apprehend him?”

“But I just knocked him down the pit.” Sivam picked her nose. “Can’t you get ’im? You’re the one who broke his arms.”

“You are remarkably incompetent, Sivam. But that’s what makes you so adorable.” Smaug pecked the little fairy before diving into the pit. With breakneck speed, he snatched Jinta in his claw seconds before the boy could splatter into the river.

Across Hyrule

Large balloons carried fenced platforms to the sky, allowing children to gaze over their world with awe. “Hey, no leaning over the rails!” the Bokoblin tour guide ordered a Gerudo and her ostrich Rito friend.

“Mr. Bokun, I see shooting stars over Death Mountain!” the Rito said.

“AAAAH!” cried a Kokiri. “Mr. Bokun, it’s Smaug! Smaug’s coming to eat us!”

“Calm down, kids!” Bokun said, looking through a telescope. “It looks like Smaug rescued a boy that fell off the mountain. See, he’s taking him to the castle to be treated.”

“Smaug is so niiiiice~” the children sang.

Down below, some Goron kids were bouncing on the belly of a young Hinox as the cyclops lay on his back. Lizalfos were playing Tag with Zora in the river. Teenage Aeralfos and Rito were engaged in Sky Dodge, a form of dodgeball that took place high in the heavens. Demons were beginning to sell balloons and merchandise of their glorious queen, and profit would go straight to the reparations of Castle Town.

“I used to be afraid of bugs, and other kids liked to tease me for it.” a Kokiri boy said on the news. “Queen Mandy gave me a nightmare where I was attacked by Skulltulas, so I fought them, and now I ain’t scared no more!”

“When I was little, I fell in Lake Hylia and I couldn’t get out.” a teenage Goron said. “I was stuck there for a whole day, and since then I’ve been afraid of water. Queen Mandy threw me in the lake and forced me to climb out on my own, and I did it! It was pretty inconvenient though, but at least I’m not scared of water now.”

Koko and Mandy were watching the reports on the throne room’s large screen. “You’ve become a really great queen, Your Majesty!” the Sheikah praised.

“I still don’t understand.” Mandy replied, a hand over her heart. “Acts of kindness usually make me sick. Especially when I’m the one doing them. My body feels numb, but I feel less sick for some reason. It’s like a very gentle knife is scratching my heart.”

“Your real intent might be to sway people to your side, but I think you’ve taken a liking to helping them.” Koko smiled knowingly. “Isn’t it better to have people admire you out of gratitude than worship you out of fear? Or maybe it’s Zelda’s spirit talking to you.”

“I didn’t ask for your opinion, I asked for a parfait. Chop chop!”

“RAAAAAHHH!” Koko’s heart nearly jumped out when Smaug landed on the castle, sticking his head in as he discarded Jinta on the floor. “This boy was taking a stroll on my mountain. He might be a KND operative.”

Koko gasped, recognizing him. “Isn’t he… Yuzu-san’s friend?” she whispered.

“Vicky, you have a new victim! Take him to be treated first.” Mandy ordered.

At that instant, the Baby-Shredder fell through the ceiling 20 meters up. “Geesh, the old king had a LOOOOOOOOOT of Gerudo pictures. I kept some of them.” Vicky waddled over to Jinta and cut a circle around him. “Ahahahahahahaha.” Once finished, Vicky jumped on him and brought the floor down. “Wheeeeeee!”

“Since we’re here, Lord Mandy,” Sivam flew in from behind Smaug, “we wanted to have a word with you.”

“Koko, my parfait.” Mandy ordered.

“R-Right. Excuse Koko.” The girl raced out of there.

“Lord Mandy, ever since you awakened me, I was hoping I would be called to destroy at least five towns by now, but I haven’t been given the chance to destroy one.” Smaug said.

“And my Anti-Fairies have barely broken any backs because you keep ordering the assassins to massage them.” Sivam followed. “You know how much anti-magical buildup they’ve got? Ever since Mavis trapped us in our own domain 600 years ago, we’re fucking bored!”

“It was 6,000 years ago.” Mandy corrected.

“Y’SEE?! You promised us all the chaos and havoc we could ask for if we joined you, so where is it?!”

“It’s true that the original plan was to control the masses with despair and destruction, but my chi has been suffering an emotional block. I’ve been forcing myself to be terrifying, when in reality I’ve yet to conquer my own fears of growing soft. The only way to break this block is to confront it.”

“Oh, you’ll do more than confront your fear. You’ll embrace it. Accept it as part of you. Then, you’ll lose your former reputation and form a completely new one, abandon your old personality.” Smaug loomed forward, his steaming breath enveloping Mandy’s form. “And I, for one, do not follow such a kind heart.”

“If you want cruelty, I’ll show it to you, Smaug. My assassins already know your weakness, and they’ll strike you down the second you show any kind of rebellion.”

“Will you really? Judging by your recent actions, you’d sooner rid me of that fear. So, why should I be afraid then? As I lay gasping for breath, you would show mercy and save me—AAAAH!”

Smaug had been talking to an illusion of Mandy, allowing the real one to stab his weak spot with her saber. “Does that answer your question?” She withdrew the blade. “You’ll do as I order you, now go back to your cave until I call you. Period.”

With a vicious snarl, Smaug pushed himself off the castle and took flight to Death Mountain. “Now, once I get my parfait, I’ll check up on my ancient weapons. Resume patrol, Sivam.” Mandy left the throne on that note.

As the Anti-Fairy glared in the queen’s direction, her adviser, Omsoc flew up from the hole Vicky carved. “Did I eavesdrop on a lover’s quarrel, perhaps?”

“Omsoc, I’m starting to think Mandy isn’t cut out for a position of power. She’s using us for her own gain, forbidding us from using our full potential.”

“I am so thankful that even YOU are wise enough to see that! What shall we do about it, Your Filthiness?”

“I think we should claim what is rightfully ours. We’ll steal this planet right from under her missing nose!”

Hateno Beach

“Yuzu-san, if you’re still hearing this, I think Mandy captured one of your friends. He was the boy with red hair. Smaug brought him to the castle and he looked pretty beat-up.”

“Jinta was captured?!” Kodama exclaimed. She, Yuzu, and Karin were resting on a beach near towering cliffs. “Wait, but what about Ururu? Ugh, I wish these things were two-way.”

“This is Karin to Ururu, do you read me? Please respond!” Karin yelled into her wristwatch, only to receive static. “We’re still getting a signal, so it must be intact. Either she’s unconscious or she lost it. When they last reported, they said they were near Death Mountain, right? Close to a giant chasm.”

“Will you be able to find her?” Yuzu asked. “What if she was knocked out in her shrunken state?”

“Yachiru can help me track her. But first, I think I’ll warp to Earth and report our current status. At this rate, the KND will end up going to war with Mandy’s crew, and that’s on top of the other pirates who captured other sectors.”

“Speaking of that, have we ever actually confirmed that these three Yonko are allied?”

“According to the M.I.K.E.s,” Kodama replied, “Mandy still hates the other Yonko, which implies those other attacks were just huge coincidences.”

“I dunno…” Karin spoke suspiciously. “Coincidence or not, something is going on between them. We’d best make sure all the KNDs know that.”

Secret Cellar

“Check it out, Lord Mandy!” Creeper exclaimed, aiming a Sheikah Tech shotgun. “After 10,000 years, Hyrule is once again at the peak of modern age machinery! Thanks to help from our new Yiga friends, we’re all set for any invasion from the KND or those other bloody Emperors!”

“I would’ve hoped you had more prepared than just fancy guns.” Mandy stated.

“’ey, these guns are more than what other Hyruleans got. They may own fancy equipment like motorcycles or spaceships, but unless you’re in the black market like the Zoldyck Clan, you have to outsource your firearms and other weapons. But these silly things ain’t the only thing in our arsenal. Please direct your eternal glare at THIS!”

“ARRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” A tremendous elephant drowned an entire coast by channeling the ocean through its trunk in a titanic gush.

“CAAAAAAAAAWWWW…” A gargantuan eagle stirred a cyclone with its spiraling wings and decimated a forest.

“ROOOOOAAAAARRRR…” A colossal camel trudged across the desert, enveloped in an eternal sandstorm and destroying nearby settlements with lightning.

“OIIIIINK OIIIIIINK.” A massive salamander emerged from Death Mountain Crater and willed the volcano to erupt, melting the towns around it.

These clips replayed on the TV screen in the room. “I’m impressed with how good their effects were back then.” Creeper said. “These clips didn’t really happen, but they’re a good representation for the Divine Beasts’ power. The elephant is Vah Ruta, who absorbs moisture from the air, ground, or sea and channels it into powerful waterbending. The camel, Vah Naboris, absorbs energy from the ground and turns it into lightning. Vah Medoh, the bird, can control wind and has lasers designed to shoot down any aerial foe. And Vah Rudania, as you saw, uses firebending and can even bend lava.”

“Why the hell does Rudania ‘oink’ if it’s a salamander?”

“The documents say they thought it was more intimidating. These babies are virtually indestructible, but they’re designed to only be controlled by benders of their respective elements. We can easily use Azula to control Rudania, but for the others, we had to recruit some of the citizens. We already did some scouting and found some suitable candidates. They’ve been escorted to the Divine Beasts’ resting places, and as we speak, they’re working to reignite and control them.”

“These machines do appear quite promising… I’ll bet they can even shoot down the Santa Hylia. So, who are these candidates in question?”

Creeper led Mandy back upstairs to the Royal Wizards’ Chamber, currently occupied by Wizzrobes. Their crystal ball displayed a live apparition of a red Zora girl with jellyfish hair and glittered fins. “YO, check me OUT, Yo’ Majesteh!” she yelled in a sassy, hipster tone. “They calls me Ludy Juny, but don’ ask why! I’m a dancer up where I’m from, and ain’t no one wants a piece of MY waterbending! ’Soon as I git this big-trunk booty under caps, I’mma turn it into mah new dance floor!”

The next image was that of a young eagle Rito man with round glasses. “O-Oh, dear. Um, h-hello, Queen Mandy. M-My name is Quinn, and I’ve been chosen to pilot Vah Medoh. It’s, um, it’s quite the honor, and I promise to do my very best, f-for our great kingdom! Hehe! …Sorry, I get so embarrassed in front of celebrities.”

The next person was a young Gerudo girl with a large ponytail. “Greetings, Queen Mandy, I am Riju, Chief of the Gerudo. In spite of your rather rude greeting to us, I am grateful for the opportunity to pilot Vah Naboris. She is a very sacred being to my people and I am proud to be the first Gerudo in eons to work with her.”

“We’re grateful for your cooperation.” Mandy replied. “Speaking of which, let’s see how Azula’s fairing with Rudania.”

The crystal ball revealed a clueless, small, and ordinary-looking Goron boy. “Um… where’s-”

“HELLO.” he yelled in a nasally voice.

“Um, hi? Where’s Azula-”

“SHE LEFT.”

“What? Where is sh-”

“TO ‘MORE IMPORTANT THINGS.’ TOLD ME TO FILL IN.”

“Fill in?! Doesn’t she realize how important this is?!”

“HER BODY’S TOO WEAK. NEEDS A STRONG GORON FIREBENDER.”

“You hardly look like you fit the bill!”

A tiny Lizalfos peeped out from behind the kid’s leg. “Actually, Lord Mandy, Gollin is a giant, and his firebending isn’t to mock. His fire is on the Emerald level; it might be lower than Azula’s, but his durability makes up for it.”

“YEAH, SO NO WORRY. I CAN HANDLE THIS.”

“Sigh… you better not disappoint me.” Transmission ended. “Well, Riju seems promising, but the others seem like clowns. You sure they’re the best benders we got?”

“According to polls, they are.” Creeper answered. “The only concern is if they would use them against our crew. Luckily, there is a failsafe mechanism beneath this very castle. The Secret Cellar has a control station which will erect Sheikah Tech towers around the castle, and those towers will unleash a massive EMP that will shut down all technology on the planet! Then we’ll have to subdue the pilots before they start back up again.”

“Good. Rule #1 is you can’t trust anybody, especially citizens of a world you’re trying to dominate.”

“Oh yeah, how’s your little Kindness Quest fairing, anyway?”

Mandy touched her heart once more. “Ever since my fight with Affright, my fearbending has been weaker, like it was stuck and needed force to get out. But now, it feels like it’s trying to hibernate. My body feels numb, and so does my heart.”

“You’re a better poet than your husband is.”

“So, what’s the status of the other crewmen?”

“It seems Rā’s al Ghūl determined the Lazarus Pit’s location and went off to find it. Your daughter’s visiting Sunset Canyon to make friends with the Twili, but it doesn’t seem Kimaya and Django accompanied her. I don’t really know where they are.”

“I might have a feeling…”

Gerudo Highlands

North of the scorching Gerudo Desert was the frigid highlands. Rā’s and his ninjas navigated the steep cliffs in search of the mountains’ most distinctive landmark. They followed a narrow path between towering cliffs that almost threatened to swallow them, and it seemed that was just what would happen as the path only seemed to lead to a dead end. However, as the snowy mist cleared, the imposing cliff took the form of a stone goddess.

“The Seven Heroines are hailed as the strongest and wisest Gerudo that ever lived.” said General Shiva. “But many don’t know there were originally Eight Heroines. That’s because the eighth one took an interest in dark arts, so they used earthbending to move her statue up here where no one would find her.”

Rā’s clasped the feet of the statue and pushed it aside with his bending. There was a secret stairwell underneath. “And this statue was used to hide the source of those dark arts. Four of you, stay outside, the rest are with me.”

The ninjas obeyed, facing the snow-filled path as their master entered the cave. Already, they were alert as figures seemed to be trudging through the snow, moaning eerily. Skeletons and Redeads were limping toward them, led by Kimaya and Django.

Rā’s band ventured the depths of the dungeon and found the sanctuary: it was a fountain of reddish-pink ooze, surrounded by corpses. “At last… Hyrule’s Lazarus Pit. And this one feels more powerful than the ones on Superbia or Secco.”

“Now we need only find a suitable mage to serve as our sacrifice.” Shiva said. “However, the only issue is Mandy’s new policies. Because she seeks to win the approval of her subjects, she won’t allow us to sacrifice an innocent person.”

“Then we’ll search for a magic criminal, or perhaps capture someone from a different world. Either way, the sacrifice will need to possess sufficient power, otherwise the pit may not reach its full potential…?” It was then they realized a red gas was seeping in from the entrance. The ninjas jumped away from it. “Gas? Is it a trap?!” (Play “Hidden Village” from Twilight Princess!)

Kimaya and Django entered the sanctuary, the former training her Keyblades like guns. “Bravo, Green Veins, you found the Lazarus.” Django clapped. “Too bad it’s the last you’ll ever see.”

“You two are from Cindy’s division.” Shiva recognized. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“This planet ain’t big enough fer two Lazarus victims.” Kimaya spoke in a country accent. “My pardner here had a rotten experience with one o’ these here pits, and we ain’t lettin’ the same happen to anyone else.”

“Rā’s al Ghūl, my grandma has underworld connections the same as you.” Django explained. “She learned that you were also a Lazarus user, and that you were in Mandy’s crew. That’s why we joined this crew to begin with. We didn’t get the chance to stop you from using Secco’s pit, but now, it’s all over.”

“Is that what you think?” Rā’s smirked with malice. “You children are due for your eternal rest.” The Demon’s Head lunged forward, targeting Django’s guitar, but the musician called up some Dead Hands to restrain him, then Rā’s was bat away by Kimaya.

The cowgirl entered Rotting Corpse Fury, spreading her foul stench to the entire cave, the female ninjas holding breath and taking cover on the ceiling. Rā’s seemed unfazed, sending a Sand Stream that Kimaya blocked with crossed blades, enduring the wave until Rā’s flew in with a barrage of sword swings. Kim allowed him to cut her to pieces, and when Rā’s turned his sights on Django, a horde of Redeads sprung out of the ground to choke the demon. Rā’s easily dissolved the zombies into dust, but Kimaya was given time to reassemble and jump into the Lazarus Pit.

The hazardous chemical rose from the fountain, shaping like Kimaya as it formed guns and began shooting Rā’s. The Demon’s Head rode a sandwave, swiftly evading the bullets; he was in no hurry to become the Lazarus’s sacrifice himself. Rā’s whirled sand around himself, applying Haki to it: Kimaya brought down a Lazarus arm, but the Black Sand Shield nullified the attack. Rā’s then brought a Black Sand Fist around to PUNCH Kimaya out of the Lazarus! He then formed a bunch of Sand Needles over her and Django, all launching at once. Django knew Kimaya could survive the attack, but he called a bunch of Gibdos over himself to protect his guitar.

Rā’s flew to slice through the mummy pile, but Django escaped and fired a soundwave at him. The boy summoned Stalfos, but Rā’s destroyed them with Sand Clones. He was shot in the back, about-facing to a recovered Kimaya. She was using one Keyblade to shoot gas bullets, but was whirling the other in the air. Rā’s realized Lazarus was floating above him, the demon dodging just in time. Kimaya dove back into the fountain, molding a Lazarus body, the same time Rā’s molded a sand body resembling his upper half. Fists of pink Lazarus and black sand met one-another, until Kimaya’s right arm stretched away, became a gun, and shot off Rā’s’ head.

Rā’s’ left arm became a sword and sliced Kimaya’s body in half during her weakened moment. Rā’s bashed her body toward the land and quickly buried her under sand. He burrowed through the sand and caught Kimaya by the neck. “With years of training, I’m the strongest sandbender on Superbia. I can dry all the fluids in a body and reduce it to dust. Your bones are powerless to me.”

“Huuurrrrr…!” Kimaya struggled to push him off, her bones slowly dissolving. Were it not for the magic animating her corpse, she would be dust by now. “Ain’t gonna stop me from breakin’ wind!” With a tremendous burst of flatulence, their enclosed sand tomb became uninhabitable, forcing Rā’s to hold his breath and escape. Kimaya bent the gas into a bomb and threw it at Rā’s, the Head defending with a Black Sand Shield. The furious Rā’s grasped the ground, morphing a sand trail toward Django, grabbing his boots, and yanking him off the ground. He swung Django in the air until he dropped his guitar.

“Grab it!” Shiva ordered, the ninjas dropping down with breath held. Kimaya used a Lazarus whip to keep them away from the guitar, and when Rā’s tried to stab the instrument, Kimaya threw her boney arm to grab it and summon the arm back. Her other hand shot a Gas Bullet at the sand hand to free Django, yelling “Git on outta here!” as she returned his guitar.

Django saluted her and raced out of the cave, strumming up a horde of Redeads to block the cave’s exit. Rā’s faced Kimaya again as she splashed in the pit, mustering her chi to its very peak. Bright red light shone from the many cracks on her bones, her poison growing hotter and hotter and causing the Lazarus to boil. “My Liege, we must get out of here!” Shiva yelled as the ninjas desperately cut down the Redeads. Rā’s growled, knowing the pit was seconds from exploding.

Django bypassed the dead ninjas outside, just in time to watch the cave burst into flames. The rotting odor reached his dead nose, smiling at Kimaya’s success. But the boy was horrified when Rā’s trudged out of the cave moments later, his hair and flesh almost completely withered away, exposing the green muscle underneath. The other ninjas were protected by sand shields. “Your friend has sacrificed herself for nothing.”

“No worries. She’s a fast healer.” Django strummed a few notes, and Kimaya’s ash reformed from the smoke.

“’Guess you gotta find a new pit to dump in.” Kimaya retorted.

Rā’s grit his teeth and stomped the ground, entering Sand Fury. The Head grasped one of the cliffs, his chi melting all the surrounding snow and breaking off a chunk of the cliff. Its sand morphed into a statue of Rā’s that dwarfed the Eighth Heroine’s statue. “Kimaya, you can’t go into Fury Mode after a self-destruct like that, can you?”

“Nyope. ’Guess it’s time to hit it.” (End song.)

“Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!” Kim and Django rode the former’s skateboard faster than one could ride a horse. It was extremely convenient, because this very path sloped directly down Hemaar’s Descent, a very popular location for Shield Surfing. “WOOHOOOOOOOO!” For a moment, the duo forgot the sandy colossus chasing after them and rode down the mountain with joy and freedom. They bounced haphazardly down hundred-foot cliffs, dropping into Tanagar Canyon. The canyon would flow for miles and miles, with plenty of room for their skateboarding spree.

“Sigh…” Rā’s gave up the chase and merely scowled in their direction. It was pointless to play along with their childish games. “We’ll see who gets the last laugh, you wretched urchins.”

Hyrule Castle; night

Mandy’s royal bathing quarters were at the top of a small tower. She had the option to close the skylight or allow the sun or moon to provide light for her. She chose the latter. A statue of Hylia watched over the tub, which was the size of a hot spring. Mandy sighed in bliss, allowing the whole of her body to partake in the soothing steam. She reached her right hand to the moon, blocking it from view. “Darkrai once told me the moonlight weakens my fearbending. It’s strongest on nights with a Blood Moon. Either way, it’ll make it annoying to get in touch with my chi again.”

“I’ve experienced that problem once before.” a British voice said.

With a start and a splash, Mandy realized that a golden-haired Hylian woman was bathing as well. “Where did you come from?!”

“I’ve been here for ages, Mandy. It is our kingdom, you know.”

“P…Princess Zelda?”

“Well, one of them. The others call me ‘Zelda of the Wild.’”

“Yeah, but I call her ‘Scientist Zelda.’” Mandy gasped when a dark-skinned girl appeared in her bath. “She was obsessed with Sheikah Tech. As for me, I’m Tetra.”

“Also known as ‘Pirate Zelda’!” replied another Zelda with more thick hair. “And I’m ‘Zelda of the Past.’ Nice to finally meet you, Mandy. Though I’m quite upset you gave away our Triforce of Wisdom.”

“I didn’t think it suited me.” Mandy replied. “It made me look like some pure-hearted pushover.”

“Indeed, our family was a long line of lightbenders.” said Twilight Zelda, whose hair was a dark gold. “Your fearbending greatly contradicts us.”

“You were never a ball of sunshine yourself, Twilight Zelda.” remarked Sky Zelda.  “You were so serious. Explains why your Link never fell for you.”

“Same with Ninja Zelda.” followed Train Zelda.

“I had to take my place as a Sage.” replied Ninja Zelda, a.k.a. Sheik. “We were not meant to be.”

Mandy, at this point, was royally confused. Here she was expecting a pleasant bath, now it was being invaded by Zeldas. “Look, I didn’t ask for company, especially not from ghosts. So, please leave.”

“Although you were quite different from us,” said Twilight Zelda, “it seems you are finally awakening to your roots. Both we and the Links of our times were renowned for our kind services to the kingdom. Doing good deeds, whether for selfish intentions or not, clears a person’s chi paths and makes them a better bender.”

“However, I sense it is having a special effect on your fearbending.” said a purple-haired Zelda with an upside-down Triforce scepter.

“WHAT ARE YOU, an Emo Zelda?!” Mandy shouted.

“No, my name is Hilda, Zelda’s Negative. I’m the Princess of Lorule, and I was invited by that one.”

“She’s my bestie!” Zelda of the Past sloshed over and hugged her. “By the way, ‘Lorule’ is the opposite of ‘Hyrule.’ Get it? Low? High?”

“Anyway, have you ever heard of Gratitude Crystals?” Sky Zelda asked. “They’re mystical objects that only spirits and demons can see. They’re compositions of the Emotion Chi emitted by peoples’ gratitude.”

_{“Those very crystals are latching all over your chi!”} a tiny voice squeaked. Mandy was shocked to see a tiny Zelda on her shoulder. _{“Hi there! I’m Minish Zelda. Tee hee hee, your nostrils are so tiny!”}

“I thought you said doing good deeds CLEARS chi paths, not clutters them with crystals!”

“It’s clear they’re resonating with your Fear Chi, since they’re also made of Emotion Chi.” Train Zelda clarified. “Still, it’s odd that their positive emotions would be attracted to your negative Fear. Then again, opposites do attract. I’m looking forward to seeing how your chi will develop with this.”

“But still,” input Science Zelda, “the only reason you’ve been doing all this is to make Hyrule fear you. With all the good you’ve done, is that still all you want?”

“Hm hm hm.” Mandy smirked. “You don’t understand how the world works now. People only do kind things because they expect something in return. In videogames, side quests are only worth doing for the rewards. In real life, people only make friends to rid their selves of loneliness, but those friends are only worth having if they have something to offer. That’s why every operative in a KND sector needs to pull their weight. Still… I won’t deny that doing all this gave me that tiny ounce of satisfaction.”

“The fact is, you’ve already made yourself the queen of this world.” said Twilight Zelda. “Even if you merely wanted to have something over your fellow pirates, the Hyruleans will be counting on you. You will need to keep their loyalty and their faith.”

“You’re my least-favorite Zelda. Get out of this tub.”

_{“Hey, don’t be mean to Goth Zelda!”} Minish Zelda squeaked.

“That last part was meant for all you. If you’ve no more relevant things to say, then out of this tub. NOW.”

“Huff. Fine.” Sky Zelda grumbled. “We can think of better baths than this!” With that, all the Zeldas flew away.

“Sigh… How proud I am to be different.” With no more disturbances, Mandy could close her eyes and embrace the warmth in peace. The steam touched her very soul and cleared her mind.

She looked inside herself… she saw her soul floating in a nightmarish wasteland, and tiny orange crystals orbiting her. She felt a warmth radiating from them, the crystals slowly drawn to her. Yes… these are the Gratitude Crystals. I wasn’t expecting so many. I can feel their positive emotions. But how can they possibly help me? Fear is a negative feeling, and it’s all I have control over.

Mandy’s body emitted its red aura, the chi rising to the surface. The dark red morphed into a soft bright orange, the royal bath gleaming beautifully. I can feel their gratitude.

“Thank you for helping me fly, Queen Mandy!”

“Thanks for the Deku Water, Queen Mandy! My forest will look beautiful!”

“Now I can play with my Miniblin friend without people attacking him! And it’s all thanks to you!”

“The Cuccos bless you with their gratitude, Queen Mandy! PRAISE BE THE CUCCOS!”

“We love our new training partners, Queen Mandy! The Goron Blood Bros. will be stronger than ever!”

“With these new Sheikah Tech rods, we’ll feed Lurelin with even bigger fish!”

Yes… This gratitude comes from fear. They lie awake, thinking of my kindness. Just like that Kiki girl.

“But know this.” Mandy knelt down to the young witch. “I’ll remember your face… and I hope you remember mine… on the day that the Grim Glarer Mandy looked on you with murderous intent, and spared your life.” And, with a smile that looked so soft and kind, she said, “okay?” Seeing such a rare look up close was more scary than anything. Kiki couldn’t bring up the words, only nod.

When people like Kiki think of me out of fear, I can feel it, and my chi is just slightly stronger. The same is happening now. These crystals contain their Gratitude. Gratitude comes from Fear. And that’s why I can bend these feelings to my whim. I… am awakening.

A couple castle guards gazed out a window with intrigue: the tower of the royal bathroom was shining. “You know, I once heard a rumor that the ghosts of former princesses haunt that tower. Could it be true?!”

“Perhaps we should ask the queen to call a paranormal expert.”

Skies of Hyrule

The Anti-Fairy army gathered before their princess, allured by the black light of the Ztar Rod. “Lord Mandy promised the Anti-Fairy regime would rise again, and like it or not, she will grant our wish. Today, Princess Sivam becomes the new Queen of Fear! May misfortune shower all of Hyrule, under my BLACK ZTAR SKY!”

Gratitude Crystals were in Skyward Sword, and you can probably figure out what games the different Zeldas come from.

Chapter Text

The whole idea where Gratitude stems from Fear is kind of based on some real-life experiences of mine, and the fact is it’s not wrong. Oh yeah, here’s some neat background info: if you recall Seven Lights, Mandy worked with Lord Licorice, who was a World Government affiliate. As part of their deal, Licorice allowed Mandy to read the forbidden Sugar Fairies story, and that’s how she knew about Sivam.

Anyways, this will be the last chapter of this arc. I have no need to drag it on, and I think Mandy underwent a rather unique development.

“GERALD!”

No, Mandy, that’s your coach’s name! XD

Hyrule Castle

Dammit… Who turned up the thermostat? It’s so hot… What’re these voices? Did they turn up the heat? Shut up, one at a time!

“Lord Mandy, the river’s dried up! We can’t catch any fish!”

“Lord Mandy, the desert is freezing. The clouds won’t go away. We never have this many clouds!”

“Lord Mandy, there’s a heat wave over Anouki Snowfield. We’re sweltering.”

Ugh, solve your own problems. What am I, a weather spirit? If I were, I wouldn’t be so hot! Why is it so…

Mandy kicked the covers off her, unable to sleep in this awful weather. She stomped to the window and forced it open, gaping at the bizarre sight.

The sky had become a light-purple, glimmering with black stars that seemed to rain upon the world. Over the horizon, a black and purple sun bathed Hyrule in dark light. “Those are… Ztars. What are those Anti-Fairies doing?!”

“FAE-fae-fae-fae-fae-fae!” The echoing laughter drew Mandy’s attention to the top of the central tower. Sivam acted as a beacon of dark light, spreading her vile essence to Hyrule’s atmosphere. “Are you seeing this, Princess Mavis?! I’m back and I’m making Hyrule my personal pigsty! The Anti-Fairies will RISE from their misfortune!”

“SIVAM!” The fairy smirked as Mandy flew up the tower in a nightmare orb form, poking her head out. “How dare you commit a mutiny against me!”

“Mutiny? HAH! That ain’t even close to what this is!”

“Ahem, Sivam?” Omsoc flew up and began to whisper the definition of ‘mutiny.’

“Oh, I guess it is a mutiny. Either way, you’ve grown too soft for us, Queen Mandy, and ever since we’ve been free, you’ve done nothing but use us for your nonexistent dictatorship. So, kiss your throne good-bye ’cause MY ASS is about to kiss it!” Sivam pelted Mandy with Ztar bullets, but she withstood the attack and slashed Sivam with an axe made of Fear Chi. (Play “Master Core” from Smash 4!)

“Your magic has no effect on people who don’t believe in luck. But I can easily discipline you by slicing you to pieces!” Mandy grabbed Sivam with a Fear Arm and whirled her around before stabbing the fairy into the tower’s tip. The needle inconveniently fell off, allowing Sivam to pull it out, leaving her with a rotten hole. Knowing Luck Magic was ineffective, Sivam merely fired Zhurikens, and Mandy took the cuts as she chopped Sivam to pieces with Fear Blades. Sivam’s pieces morphed into Zhards and stabbed at Mandy simultaneously, but those parts morphed into Fear Chi and divided, dodging the attack.

Sivam is made of Dark Chi, so she can bypass my Logia defenses. I’ll need to be wary of how I transform. Mandy watched as Sivam reformed and quickly smashed the fairy between Fear Hammers, but Sivam poofed and launched a giant Zhard. The Zhard barely grazed Mandy’s hip, and the queen retaliated by forming Fear Spheres around Sivam and compressing them at the center. Sivam pushed them off with a Protego, and she formed spikes on the black shield. Mandy did the same with her Nightmare Orb, both forces crashing each other repeatedly. The orbs collided and drilled against each other, until Sivam pierced Mandy’s defense with a sharper spike.

Mandy flew back with a wound in her shoulder. Sivam cast a beam to the sky, and the Black Sun became even hotter as Mandy began to sweat. “Misfortune exists even in the weather, bitch! Even if you don’t believe in luck, a day that’s too hot, too cold, or too windy is ALWAYS an inconvenience!”

Mandy assaulted her with a storm of Fear Spheres, Sivam using a Ztar Shield to block them. The shield inflated by absorbing the spheres, and Sivam launched it at Mandy as it exploded. Mandy evaded and grasped Sivam in two giant Fear Hands, squeezing the fairy like a sponge. Sivam erected black crystals from her body and escaped, only for Mandy to MUNCH and shatter them in giant teeth belonging to a demon’s head, conjured by Mandy’s chi. The queen gasped when a cyclone of Ztars snuck up behind her, flying to escape the prickly vacuum. Seeing Sivam reforming herself, Mandy flew opposite of her from the tornado and unleashing a deafening Fear Scream, powerful enough to blow Sivam into the cyclone.

The Anti-Fairy suffered from her own Ztars, quickly dispelling the tornado, but Sivam was suddenly batted around by the wings of Mandy’s Nightmare Bat form. The bat grew talons and grabbed Sivam, diving towards the grounds around the castle and dragging the fairy against the dirt. It was then Mandy noticed something odd. “Wait a minute… this is the castle moat. Where’s all the water?!”

“No dip, dumbass!” Sivam retorted. “Figuratively! Uh, I mean, literally… Figurally? Look, all the rivers dried up! Also, the desert’s freezing, the mountains are melting, it’s catastrophe all over! Hell, Smaug is burning the Great Forest right now!”

“I should’ve known he’d be involved. You’re both receiving the punishment of a lifetime!” Mandy ripped Sivam in half by her legs, but the queen was hit by Shooting Ztars from the heavens. The Anti-Fairy reformed and blasted Mandy into the cliff with a Bad Luck Beam. Mandy became a Demon Drill and fought against the beam, directly striking Sivam as the fairy stood firmly and endured. Seeing the drill was ineffective, Mandy slipped away and beheaded Sivam with a Scare Saw, but the fairy reformed once more and assaulted Mandy with a hundred Zhards from countless directions. They flew and poofed like bullets, Mandy acting quickly to mold her Logia body in shapes that would evade them. Several Zhards got lucky cuts.

“It’s no use, No Nose Hoe! I draw my power from peoples’ misfortune. With my Black Ztar Sky bad-luckin’ the whole country, it’s a bad luck buffet! It’s what you call a… para-mutual relationship or… somethin’.”

“Gonna be a paramedic one soon enough!”

“Yeah, how?! First, you gotta cool down the mountain and warm up the desert, otherwise my Ztar Storm ain’t gonna Ztop. Sorry, Man, but you outta luck.”

“You may feed off their misfortune, Sivam, but I feed off more than just their fear. Last night, I could feel their gratitude coursing through me, and now I’ll turn it into power. How lucky you are to be the guinea pig for my new form!”

Mandy’s dark aura became a blackish gold. The gold took the form of an elegant gown over her body, and angelic wings grew along her arms: the feathers were like crystals sharp enough to slice metal. Her horn-shaped hair grew longer and glimmered like a sun. “I have become the Gracious Queen. Now, I shall punish you, Ungrateful Princess!”

Mandy slashed an ‘X’ over Sivam’s body, the fairy screaming in agony. Mandy followed with consecutive slashes, Sivam blocking with a Protego, but she gasped as the bladed wings quickly cut through. Sivam broke the shield herself and flew away, throwing the resulted Zhards at Mandy. The queen swiftly cut them with her wings and threw her own Gratitude Feathers, Sivam taking a few hits as she took to the sky. Mandy’s wings streaked the sky as she pursued, forming a crystalline drill and homing in on Sivam. The fairy poofed behind her, throwing Ztars at Mandy’s back, but the queen quickly dove below and directly up Sivam’s dress.

Sivam scattered everywhere, and Mandy sought to grab her Ztar Rod. However, pain began coursing through her body, for tiny Zhards were piercing her skin from all around. She encased herself in a Fear Sphere to blot out the Zhards, but Sivam was able to reform and reclaim her wand. The fairy embedded her own wings with Zhards and clashed with Mandy’s. Feathers of misfortune and gratitude intertwined until the two beauties were at a stalemate. Mandy took a breath and unleashed a Scream, which Sivam countered with a Bad Luck Beam. The two chis mixed into a single core before ultimately exploding. Sivam was blown several miles away while Mandy plummeted into a castle garden.

The queen gasped for breath as her radiant form began to falter. A squad of Anti-Fairies swooped down and blasted Ztars at her. “BACK, you foul fairies!” Creeper shouted, blasting lasers from an Ancient Bazooka. “Traitors, every one of you!” He then rushed up to the queen and said, “Captain, this is probably a bad time to tell you, but the Anti-Fairies have gone rogue.” Mandy shot him a deadly glare. “Eh, in other news, you’re looking radiant this morning.”

“What are the other commanders doing?!”

“Azula was already sent to handle Smaug, and Cortez’s ships are rescuing people on shores and islands due to the hurricanes. The others are doing everything to capture the fairies, and the Divine Beasts are being used to manage the chaotic climates.”

“Then it’s time for them to prove their worth, it seems. If I can destroy Sivam’s Ztar Rod, that’ll completely derail the fairies’ power.”

“Can ya really? In the story, it took Mavis everything she had to shatter that wand.”

“And I have more. Sivam is forcing misfortune to plague the kingdom, and then she feeds off the misfortune that others experience. We’re alike in that sense, because I do the same. Creeper, summon the Newzrobes and tell them to bring all their cameras. I want the entire world to see this!” (End song.)

Eastern coast

“Wassup, Hyruleans! Live from Vah Ruta’s big booty, it’s Ludy Juny the Zora Star!” Vah Ruta’s gigantic hoofs shook the earth on its way to the ocean. “These fairies are more annoyin’ than Deku Flies.” The beast swat fairies away with its trunk and bashed them by thrusting its rear back. Juny was mimicking the actions in her control room, standing on a glowing pad. “Say, homebuds, does this Divine Beast make me look fat?”

“NOT AT ALL, Miss Juny!” cheered her fanclub.

“BOOYEAH! Now let’s fill up the fishbowl!” Vah Ruta squat its legs and took a terrific leap into the ocean. “They may’ve dried up all the rivers and lakes, but no way they can dry the whole ocean. I’m giving this water back to the people!” The Divine Beast’s hoofs sucked in the salty water with vents. The elephant was immune to the raging waves, and the inside was filtering the salt and turning it into fresh water. Afterwards, the trunk aimed at Ploymus Mountain where Zora’s Domain was stationed.

A great gush of water flew over the mountain and filled the East Reservoir Lake. This allowed the waterfalls to begin flowing again, filling Zora’s Domain and allowing water to flow down Zora’s River.

Hebra Mountains

“I sure hope this helps.” Quinn said as he flew Vah Medoh over the melting mountain. “Vah Medoh can manipulate the temperature of the air, so I’m sure it can restore the weather to the mountains.” The mechanical eagle stirred clouds into being with its fans, and by willing the air to become cold, snow fell from the clouds.

Death Mountain

Vah Rudania’s tail acted as a fire extinguisher, spraying the edges of the lava and hardening them to stone. “THERE. I SAVED THE HORSE STABLE.” Gollin said.

“Yes, but that village down THERE is in danger!” his Lizalfos aid shouted.

“OOPS. NO WORRIES, WE CAN MAKE IT.” As Rudania stomped in the intended direction, it bent the flowing lava back up the hill and sprayed smoke to solidify it.

Near the Great Forest

Riju was using Vah Naboris to discharge lightning to the sky and quell the storm. The Kokiri and Koroks were able to flee from the burning forest and cross the field without fear of lightning. “Juny, this is Riju, do you read me?” the chief asked via the beast’s intercom device. “I know you’re busy with Zora’s Domain, but I need you to bring some water to the forest—AAAAAH!” a powerful force rammed the side of the Divine Beast.

“These vermin have no place in our new world.” Smaug hissed, peering at Riju through an opening. “They’ll go extinct, as will you.”

Smaug readied to blow fire into the beast, but was struck in the head by a large flaming cannonball. “I think YOU’RE due for extinction, Slug!” The dragon faced a Fire Division airship, Azula perched on the top as her hair blew in the wind. “Though I can’t stand these forest brats either, Mandy’s people are important to her, and I’ll protect them, too!”

Smaug spat a meteor at the airship and destroyed it in one blow. Azula jumped off and flew with Rocket Boost, flying around Smaug while charging lightning. The dragon covered his weak spot and blew fire at her, Azula nimbly evading. Smaug screeched when a sword stabbed him in the right eye: it was Riju’s Scimitar of the Seven, which she then called back with Magnesis. In Smaug’s distraction, Azula managed to strike his weak spot with a powerful jolt of lightning. “Aww, does this mean you forgive me?” Azula teased.

“Not even a little.” Riju retorted. “As far as I care, you’re as bad as this dragon.”

Hyrule Castle (Play “Galeem” from Smash Ultimate!)

The citizens of the ruined Castle Town could only watch as Mandy and Sivam’s battle lit up the sky. Mandy’s Gracious Spheres were blocked by Sivam’s Protego, and afterwards the shield broke into Zhurikens, circling Mandy in attempt to saw her. The queen compressed her fear-made body to a single string and slipped out, remaining in a wormlike form to dodge Sivam’s upcoming Ztars. Mandy mostly reformed, but her wings were divided like crystalline wires, stretching to wrap around the fairy. Mandy squeezed, blackness seeping out of Sivam’s form, but the fairy willed a Ztar Storm to rain down and force her to release.

On the castle grounds, Fire Troops were shooting Anti-Fairies with Ancient Rifles, with Creeper locked in a skirmish with Omsoc. Bazooka vs. magic wand, the two advisers were almost at equal skill. “Isn’t it a chore working for that pathetic mortal?” Omsoc asked. “Why don’t you just shove a resignation form down her throat and come work for Sivam? You’ll get all the most disgusting cooking and Sanzu baths a demon could ask-” Omsoc was shot in the eye. “OW! MY MONOCLE!”

“Thousands of years ago, I was cursed into a life of eternal servitude.” Creeper explained. “The Boogeyman cursed me to be his slave, and the only escape was if he transferred his authority to someone else. And Mandy was the little devil scary enough to force that authority out of his grasp. And ever since, serving Lord Mandy has been TRUE BLISS!” Creeper charged a Powuh Shot and fired a massive blue beam that swallowed the bottom left of Omsoc’s body.

“Ouchie! That’s going to need a few stitches.”

Several Loftwings flew into the area with equipment strapped to them: Wizzrobes and Rito had begun recording the scuffle with news cameras. “Live from Hyrule Castle Town, it seems that our queen and captain Mandy is in a duel with Sivam, the Anti-Fairy responsible for our current catastrophe. For those unaware, Queen Mandy had recently recruited the Anti-Fairies with the hopes of turning them to good, but with great misfortune, Mandy’s kindness has not reached them.”

“HAH! Turn me to good?!” Sivam snorted. “What kind of bullshit lie did you tell them?!”

“Did you know that forms of psychic bending can be carried through electronic waves? A psychicbender can choke someone through a live TV, and my Scare Stare can quiver the hearts of millions.” With that, Mandy flew to the first camera and shot her Grim Glare.

Millions of Hyruleans watching the news were immediately entranced, not by fear, but by kindness. They were forced to remember all the kind deeds done by Mandy and her crew: helping Rito children take flight, helping Kokiri not fear bugs, helping young Gorons not fear lava. Although she first presented herself as a wicked ruler, she committed all these kind deeds and asked for nothing in return. Even now, they felt selfish in saying this, but their hearts compelled them to:

“THANK YOU, Queen Mandy! Please, help us, one more time!” cried a Hylian woman.

“Please, beat her, Your Majesty!” Dosey pled. “You’re a great flyer! Teach me how to fly some more!”

“Thank you for letting me have friends!” a Lizalfos shouted, accompanied by his Zora friends. “Please, smash that ugly fairy!”

The queen felt their praise and pleas from all corners. She could see the tiny, sparkling Gratitude Crystals flowing in the air like breaming streaks. It felt like breathing the world’s oxygen after being trapped underwater for hours. Not only did her wings grow, but two more appeared, and they altered between blue and gold colors. “How ugly.” Sivam scoffed. “Parasitus!” Thorns grew from her wand and, fast as bullets, latched onto 20 different Anti-Fairies. The fairies cried as their bodies were absorbed into Sivam: her dress extended as black points grew on the end, and her bat wings glimmered like Ztars.

Mandy furiously whipped her with all four wings, Sivam blocking with her own wings. Mandy ceased and tried to Scream, but Sivam surprised her with a Ztar Beam, sending her miles across the field. The fairy poofed beneath Mandy and tried to shoot, but the queen instinctively whacked her away with a wing. Mandy molded six Fear Spheres that flew gently around Sivam. The fairy was confused, until the spheres started beeping, and she didn’t escape before they exploded with condensed screams. Sivam was dizzied, and Mandy drilled through her body and reduced her to darkness.

The queen seized the abandoned Ztar Rod, but the wand suddenly stabbed at her, Mandy reactively molding her Logia body in defense. She struggled to restrain the rod as she tried to snap it, but a severed hand took the wand and flew over to one of the cameras, where Sivam reformed. “I can’t believe you idiots are supporting this wannabe queen. All she cares about is using people, including you.”

Mandy sliced her head clean off, Sivam becoming darkness. “As I speak, she’s feeding off your emotions.” Mandy realized multiple Sivam clones were speaking into each camera. “She only acted all kind because she wanted your loyalty. As soon as she gets rid of me and the other Emperors, she won’t give a shit about any of you.”

Mandy destroyed all the copies with Fear Spheres. “Isn’t that right, Your Majesty?” A gigantic Sivam poofed behind her, smirking at the feeble-looking queen. “Your subjects are all but tools to you.”

“SILENCE!” Mandy sliced her up the middle. “That’s right… I’m using them. No matter how strong I am, I’m forced to rely on other peoples’ emotions. It was easy to feed off their fear, but relying on their gratitude was dreadful. Because it made me realize… I need their feelings to be strong!” Tears leaked. “I need people to praise me, to thank me! Their feelings give me the strength to fight! And that’s why… I…”

She faced a camera with tearing eyes, as if facing all the people of Hyrule. “I’m so thankful for you all, people of Hyrule! Thank you for lending me your power!”

To Sivam’s astonishment, Mandy’s form grew even bigger, her Logia body absorbing every ounce of gratitude from the atmosphere. Her form could be mistaken as that of Goddess Hylia. Mandy looked down at Sivam as though she were a child, looking up at her parent in fear after doing something bad. And like any parent, Mandy smacked her so hard that she flew all the way above the Great Forest. The queen swiftly whooshed after her, grabbing Sivam in two wings and holding her horizontal as she spanked her mercilessly.

Nearby, Smaug and Azula had taken their fight to the ground when they saw the two royals above. “Is that… Mandy?! What has become of her—AAAH!” Smaug cried when his weak point was struck.

“This is the power befitting a supreme ruler, Smaug!” Azula declared, blocking another fire blast. “This kind of power only belongs to people like Mandy, who have the strength and passion to conquer anyone!”

“BLARRH! We will never kneel to that weakling! Sivam and I will rule Hyrule forever!”

Sivam escaped and rained Ztar in the sky upon Mandy, but they were all ripped into Zhards by her heavenly wings. Sivam cast a spiked Protego and rammed the queen, but Mandy hugged and squeezed it with all six wings before it utterly shattered. Sivam desperately formed a thousand giant Ztars that rained thousands more Ztars upon her, but Mandy unleashed a Scream that engulfed the entire country, destroying all Ztars and nearly ridding Sivam of her hearing.

“How…How can you be this strong?! All this gratitude is false… it’s BULLSHIT! The Hyruleans can’t love you this much!”

“You’re Mavis’s opposite, so you don’t believe in the power of emotions. But I know for a fact: Fear is what moves the world. It’s what inspires people to not fall behind, to make them repay favors to others. Fear is everything. I AM EVERYTHING!” Her incredible chi was rising to its very peak. Sivam was practically frozen by her own fear, for Mandy was truly unstoppable. “And you, Sivam… I have one thing to say to you.” Her eyes glimmered, and Sivam knew the Grim Glare was about to trap her in the endless nightmare. Mandy loomed closer and closer, but that dreadful feeling vanished as soon as she said, “I’m sorry.” (End song.)

“W…What?!” Sivam gasped.

“I used your people to establish my rule over this world. I’m sorry. You and the other pirates are my crew, my team. Not my tools. I’m sorry if I didn’t give you enough respect.”

Sivam… She…She couldn’t comprehend it. Why was Mandy apologizing?! After Sivam was the one causing havoc? Was she crazy? No, this must be a trick. But those eyes were so genuine, and the way Mandy looked at her like a forgiving mother… Sivam choked. Sivam stuttered. Sivam’s heart was racing. She didn’t know whether to believe her or—wait a minute, of course she should attack her! She was her enemy, she used her, but Mandy apologized for using her—but—she—use—Sivam—Mandy—

“AAAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!” Sivam cried, shrunk, and fell toward the earth.

Smaug was slightly affected by Mandy’s Scream, but stayed strong as he breathed an endless stream of fire at Azula. “You’re afraid too, Smaug.” Azula smirked, her sapphire flames easily overpowering his breath. “You were the most feared monster in ancient Hyrule, but now you’re a fossil. You’re ancient. A memory. You need our crew to make yourself feared again, because without us, you’re NOTHING!”

Azula asserted her Conqueror’s Haki over him, but Smaug was not deterred. He would keep blowing, but Azula’s fire was stronger nonetheless, forcing all the heat back down Smaug’s throat. His lungs grew weaker, his will was steadily shrinking from both the Haki and Mandy’s Fear Chi. When Sivam finally landed, he cried beside her. “AAAAAAAHHHH!”

Mandy set foot beside Azula, as both Sivam and Smaug bowed so hard they cracked the ground. “WE’RE SORRY! Please forgive us! Please have mercy!”

Mandy zapped down to normal size and smiled, patting Sivam’s head. “Of course I forgive you, Sivam. Now, clean up your mess.”

“Y-Yes, Miss.” Sivam weakly raised her wand and dispelled the Black Ztar Sky, returning the beautiful morning to Hyrule.

“Good, Sivam. But I’m afraid I’ll have to ground you. And I’m taking your toy.” Mandy casually took the Ztar Rod and snapped it in two. “About a month should suffice. Then I’ll fix it up and give it back.”

Seconds later, thousands of Anti-Fairies began dropping like flies, for the source of their flight and magic was disabled. Suddenly, a terrific rain washed over the Great Forest: Vah Ruta was putting out all the fire. “Now, how ’bout we put this embarrassing incident behind us and fix the kingdom?”

From afar, the moment was observed by Cheren and Bisky. “Sigh… This was an unexpected delay, but at least the forest wasn’t destroyed.” Bisky said. “Let’s hide until they leave.”

“If you say so. Heh…” Cheren couldn’t help but feel proud of his aunt. “Well done, Mandy. Mom would be proud.”

Adnaw, the dimwitted Anti-Fairy landed on his head. Cheren casually brushed her off.

Three days later

A festival was held in Castle Town, honoring Mandy’s victory. The Gorons carved a statue representing the beautiful Gracious Queen. Mandy rewarded medals of honor to the Divine Beast pilots, along with blue sashes with Triforce symbols. “For their valiant efforts in stopping the Anti-Fairy Revolution, I hereby declare Riju, Gollin, Quinn, and Juny the new Hyrulean Champions—and the ranks of ‘Champion’ in the Boogey Pirates! They will protect our world with the Divine Beasts and continue honoring our great kingdom.”

“THANK YOU, QUEEN MANDY!” the Champions chorused.

“Enjoy the feast and the festivities, but don’t rest for too long. I fear we will need our Champions to protect us again. I… have received this.” The queen presented a letter, with the symbol of an “F” with wings.

“What’s that?!” Koko exclaimed.

“This is a declaration of war from the Sky God Pirates. The same scum who stole the Santa Hylia, a treasured relic of Hyrule. Mark my words, we will crush Skaios’ crew and take what is rightfully ours. And I, Queen Mandy, will lead you to VICTORY!”

“THANK YOU, QUEEN MANDY!”

Hyrule Castle

“I should’ve known the Sky Gods would stage an attack against us.” Cortez said.

“That letter was sent by our spy.” Azula replied. “Li’l Despair was ordered to persuade Skaios to attack us, and sabotage them in the process. With the Divine Beasts, she’s very confident she can win. Hm, she must really want that spaceship.”

“After this incident, is keeping the Anti-Fairies around really a wise idea?” Rā’s al Ghūl asked. “Just before that incident, those two kids in Cindy’s crew went rogue. Mandy really has become a laughingstock.”

“YOU’RE the only laughingstock here! You couldn’t even catch those runaway corpses! Besides, from the sound of it, they were probably KND operatives all along.”

“Most likely Spirit Operatives.” Cortez assumed. “Like the scurvy group Bellum and I captured. We’ll search ’em down and skewer them, we will. Yohohohoho!”

Near Rito Village

After fleeing the Hebra Mountains, Sector Hinobi were able to seek refuge at Rito Stable. Having changed into Hyrulean uniforms to blend with the environment, they viewed up at the cleared sky with a sense of ease and comfort. “I guess whatever was happening is over now.” Five deduced.

“It doesn’t make things any better for us.” Zahra said. “You think Mitch is okay?”

“I hope.” Bergy replied. “I still can’t believe he did that…”

“You’re going to be a diversion?!” Haneesh whisper-shouted, the teammates hiding behind a boulder.

“There’s no way we can take on a pro like Gaz. The best we can do is try to get away from her. She won’t care for newbs like you, but she can’t resist chasing me.”

“But we can’t leave you to fend her off on your own!” Five argued.

“If we try to escape together, she’ll never let us leave her sight. We’ll just have to part ways for now. Just relax, I’m Mitch Williams! I’m ready for whatever she’s—GAAAAH!” Their boulder was shattered by the knight’s sword.

“That’s a coward’s way to fight, kids!”

“Yeah, well is that the best you can do, you second-rate gamer?!” Mitch taunted as he began to surf about the snow on a digital shield.

“You wanna say that to my face, pretty boy?” Gaz controlled the mech in attempt to chase him.

“Old ladies shouldn’t play videogames! I know babies that can pilot better than that!”

“You’re asking for it now, Mitch! I’m taking you down once and for all!”

The others watched as the robot chased Mitch without a care for his teammates. “She really is easy to provoke.” Five noted.

“Don’t worry, guys, he’s Mitch Williams!” Haneesh assured. “He’s probably getting all grumpy trying to find us right now.”

“Even if he is… was it a good idea to come here?” Zahra wondered. “I feel like… we just walked into something big. I’m not sure if I can handle it.”

Five held her hand in comfort. “We’ll be fine.” He said with an assuring smile. “By now, all the KNDs will know about this. And that means Miko will find out we’ve gone missing. When she gets here, the pirates won’t know what hit them!”

“Hm hm!” Zahra was almost envious with how much faith he was placing in Miko. Still, charging recklessly into Emperor territory is just the kind of thing Miko would do, and it was even somewhat worrying. “I just hope she’s careful!”

That night; Bathing Quarters

“Ahhhh…” After a long day’s work of serving the kingdom, Mandy was always welcomed by the warmth of her tub.

“You did a great job, Mandy.” Science Zelda said, washing Twilight Zelda’s back.

“You’ve grown into a wise queen.” Sheik said, washing Sky Zelda’s hair.

_{“And you’re so strong, too!”} Minish Zelda cheered, washing Tetra’s toes.

“Yeah yeah, just turn down your spirit lights.”

“Um… Mandy?” Azula asked, in the bath as well. “Who are you talking to?”

“She’s been hallucinating a lot lately.” Cindy replied.

“So, Hilda, what’s your favorite animal?” Mandy asked the Negative.

“Bullbos, of course.”

_{“I’m much more fond of moths.”} Minish Zelda followed.

“In my era, there was this girl named Agitha.” Twi-Zelda replied. “You would’ve loved her.”

“I’m sure she has a reincarnation in this era.” Science Zelda said. “Mandy, you oughta look for her.”

“Eh, I might.”

Their conversation rambled on, much to Azula and Cindy’s disbelief. If she was gonna be this noisy, they would make sure to take baths at different times from now on.

Part of me kind of wants to try and make Sugar Fairies just to shed more light on Sivam… but I’m not all concerned. So, what’d you think of the New Hyrule Arc? How was Mandy’s development, who was your favorite Boogey Pirate? We’ve got three Emperors down, but one to go: next up is Warriors of Sky, starring Captain Skaios!

Chapter Text

This story will center on the Sky God Pirates, the Fourth Pirate Empire, captained by our youngest scallywag!

Spirit World

Spear Pillar was not often a peaceful sanctuary. The Gods of Time and Space would often shake the universe with their petty squabbles. There would be a black hole there and a time rift there… but one thing that was very uncommon was wind and lightning. This was a new phenomenon as a great conflict was transpiring atop the pillar. With one final, blinding flash of lightning, he took off flying: an infant-sized being whose skin matched the sky and clouds, clothed in only dark-red shorts and a matching bandanna. His yellow eyes brimmed with victory as his great angelic wings stroked the air. (Play “Dark Pit” from Kid Icarus!)

“Into the shining dawn, to fight another day.” The imp swiftly dodged the Centurion guards with ease. “The world keeps fighting on, and I see black and gray.” Rayquaza tried to ensnare the imp, only to be repelled by a bursting air bubble. “Before the night falls, I’m gonna take flight,” the imp deflected Cresselia’s Moon Blades with barrel-rolls, “and then I’m gonna find my WAAAAAY!” The imp dove through the surface of the Spirit World like a wind drill, then was in the Underworld.

“Into the fading dawn, I’ll beat all the odds.” He flew headfirst through the City of the Dead, his hurricane demolishing all buildings. “The world keeps fighting on, so I scream to the sky, DAMN THE GODS!” His wind carved through Groudon and Kyogre like tissue paper! He glided ’cross the Sanzu Sea as a heavenly light granted him passage to the Living World.

“Soar through the sky… on cherubim wings.” Crossing the mortal ocean, his wings split the sea, sinking passing ships and nearby shores. “They look at me, think they know everything.” Giant battleships blasted the imp, but the ammo was sent right back by titanic tornadoes. “All alone, but now I’m free! You can’t buy my loyalty!” Shaded figures tried to shoot him and cut him to no avail. “If this is my worst you see, welcome to the darker side of meeeeeee!”

Wanted posters scattered in the wind, making his likeness known to the worlds: “FREE BORN” SKAIOS – 58,000,000. As years passed, more posters flew: 97 million, 125 million, 250, 790, 18 billion, 94 billion, before ultimately settling with, “Your Own Planet.”

“THE DARKER SIDE OF MEEEEEE!”

“SHYAH!!”

“Huh?!” Skaios whipped around with a gasp, too late to dodge as the swordsman brought down his blade. (End song.)

Pacific Ocean; two years ago

“Let’s kill merrily… We don’t need adults. Can we make a hundred corpses? Let’s have a competition!”

Rumors have begun surfacing of a brand new band of pirates, and any sailors who hear their carefree shanty would soon meet a terrible end. It sounded fun and inviting, like children playing on a playground, but any Japanese-speakers who could understand the lyrics would feel repulsed. “If there’s Monokuma, we are invincible! Let’s play with Monokuma, always.”

They sailed on a traditional pirate ship, its sail black and white as it flew the colors of a monochrome bear. The elementary grade crewmen were dressed in school uniforms, except they were torn and ragged, and they reeked as if they hadn’t bathed in weeks. The six kids were a green-haired girl in a wheelchair, a pink-haired girl with large pigtails, a pale-eyed boy whose head was covered by a brown ugly mask, a blue-haired boy, a red-haired boy, and a brown-haired boy, who seemed to be two years older than his crewmates, and his bare chest was covered in tribal designs.

“Let’s kill with a smile, let’s kill them all! Gather corpses and make mountains, graveyards of adults!”

The red and brown-haired boys locked arms and danced on the deck, the others singing along to the shanty. “Hunt! Hunt! Monokuma! Torment! Torment! Monokuma!” The others threw stuffed monochrome bears into the air. “If we all sing together, the blood will overflow. With Monokuma, let’s all smile.”

The song abruptly finished when something whizzed through the clouds and into the sea, rocking the Spark of Hope. “Oh my gosh! It’s a shooting star!” the pink girl exclaimed. “Yuta, dive under and catch it! I wanna make a wish!”

“Aye!” The brown-haired boy dove into the sea. The object in question had already sunk several meters into the depths, but Yuta was like a merman as he swam further and further in no time at all. What he found was not a meteor, but an impish creature, peaking his curiosity as he caught it in his arms. Channeling chi to his feet, a whirling current returned Yuta to the surface, rising as a geyser so the 10-year-old could set foot on deck.

“That’s not a shooting star!” the pink girl complained.

“Aw, man.” The masked boy moaned in a depressed tone. “I was gonna wish to be a hideous, disgusting bug. Then everybody would hate me…”

Yuta bent the water out of the creature’s lungs. “Whatever it is, there’s no way it woulda survived a crash like that. You’d have to be a-”

“GOD, I never been so drunk in my life! !” The imp sprung up into the air before landing on the deck. “Arr?” The imp surveyed the area around him, along with the six humans that dwarfed him in size. “Well, shiver me timbers! Ay never thought I’d meet a band of fellow pirates.”

“You’re a… pirate?” the blue boy asked.

“Why, of course he is, Nagisa.” the crippled girl replied with a cute smile. “Just look at his eyepatch.” She indicated the patch covering his right eye. “That’s the mark of a true pirate.”

“Then who is he?”

“I be Captain Skaios!” The imp stretched a tiny arm to the heavens. “Sailor of a thousand galaxies! The most wanted criminal in the known universe-sah! And who be you scurvy dogs?”

“Avast, Cap’n Skaios!” the red boy declared with a grin. “I be Masaru Daimon, Captain of the Hope Pirates! With my firebending, I carry the flame of victory! And if that not be enough, I’m known as the ‘P.E. King.’ I trampled all me mates from gym class and Ay’m the fastest in me hometown.”

“I’m the vice-captain, Nagisa Shingetsu.” the blue boy followed with a toneless frown. “I don’t have an element, but my intelligence more than makes up for it. They call me the ‘Ultimate Academic.’”

“My name is Kotoko Utsugi.” followed the pink girl. “I’m called the ‘Dramatic Demon’ because of my love for acting, cuteness, and peeled chestnuts. I’m not a bender, but I’m an extremely capable fighter. One time, I beat Masaru so hard that he cried and wet his pants.”

“Only ’cause I trained her well!”

“On the contrary, he was the one who needed training.” Kotoko winked.

“And I’m Jataro Kemuriii…” The masked boy drawled out his ending vowels. “I’m reallyyyyyyy good at art. I can paint, I can sculpt, I can draw… I’m an earthbender, too, but I’m sooooo bad at it. I don’t think I’ll ever improve. And my pirate name is ‘Ugly.’ Just Ugly. My face is so horrible that your other eye will melt, and your ruined eye will grow back. I also wanna be a priest when I grow up, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen…”

“Um, and my name is Yuta Asahina.” followed the dark-skinned boy with a peppy tone. “My waterbending makes me a super pro swimmer! I can dive under the ocean in search of treasure, so that makes me the crew’s salvager. I’m actually half-Japanese and half-Adabat, which you can tell by my skin tone! My people are natural-born waterbenders. My tribal name is Yutax, so that’s my moniker.”

“And my name is Monaca Towa.” the green-haired girl spoke last. “My legs got squished by my parents on an ‘accident.’ Now everyone gathers around me in pity. Have you ever heard of Free Time, Skaios? It’s a special period where people are free of burdens and can spend it with friends and families. When our friendship grows stronger, our chi becomes stronger as well. Monaca is so happy to have friends. She is also a psychicbender, and they call her ‘Li’l Hope.’”

“So, do you have a crew, Skaios?” Masaru asked.

“I be a lone wolf, maties! Ay’m too fast to follow and too fast to catch. Millions have tried to cut down ol’ Skaios, but all have failed! All ’em… except fer one lucky dog.” The imp lifted his eyepatch and revealed the dry, decayed socket underneath.

“AAAAH!” the kids yelped. “Who did that to you?!” Kotoko asked.

“A scurvy dog ran me through with ’is sword, he did. But since then, ol’ Skaios suffered nary a scratch. The fool had not long for a second act before I blew him down to Davy Jones.”

“That’s so amazing!” Masaru’s eyes sparkled. “I never thought someone so small could be that strong!”

“He doesn’t look that strong.” Nagisa said. “How do we know this isn’t made up?”

“I can do this.” Skaios said before stirring the wind around the ship and creating a tsunami that threatened to drown them.

“AAAAAAAAH! WE BELIEVE YOU WE BELIEVE YOU WE BELIEVE YOU!” they cried (except Monaca).

Skaios protected them with an air bubble. “Har har! Skaios wouldn’t dare drown his new mates. Pirating is the best thing the gods created.”

“Hey, Skaios, since you don’t have a crew, you wanna join ours?” Yuta asked.

“Huh? No one’s ever asked me that… I-I mean, what makes ye think ye are worthy of the great Skaios?!”

“Um, I don’t really know, but…” Masaru scratched his head, “but your eye was taken by an adult, wasn’t it?”

“So what if it was?”

“Well… we don’t like adults either.”

“WHY THE HELL DID YOU BRING THE POLICE HERE?!” Mr. Daimon thundered, beating his son with a bat. “You were supposed to bring the alcohol, dammit! What good are you if you can’t even do that?!”

“I’m sorry, Dad, please! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

…

“Mom, why can’t I take my mask off? It’s starting to smell and rot…” Jataro asked.

“Because you were my greatest mistake and you’re better off forgotten! And if you say another word, I’ll stick a cork in your mouth!”

…

“Sigh, the subject isn’t showing any improvement.” Mr. Shingetsu sighed. “He keeps stopping to rest his eyes. Perhaps we should try for a new one…”

Nagisa sat at his desk in silence, eyes practically glued to a dozen books as a cord pumped drugs into his blood.

…

“Look at all this money you’ve brought us, Kotoko! And it didn’t even hurt at all, did it? I told you those men were gentle.”

“Y-Y-Y-Yes…” Kotoko curled up on her bed, shuddering from an incurable chilling feeling. “G-G-G-G-G-G…Gentle…”

Skaios’ pupil shrunk to a nano size. “What the fuck… Aren’t you human kids? I thought human parents were… nicer than that?”

“Yeah, well, we’re different.” Nagisa stated. “Our parents were the worst of the worst. Even the local KND sector wouldn’t help us. That’s why we took to the sea and escaped, robbing their treehouse of some weapons and material so we could build this ship. ’Course, Monokuma was a big help, too.”

“Monokuma?”

“Monaca’s family owns an electronics business.” Monaca explained, holding up her monochrome bear. “These special Monokuma robots were designed as servants, but Monaca repurposed them a tad.”

“I see… Wait, what about you?” Skaios asked Yuta.

“Oh, yeah. You see these carvings on my body?” He showed both sides of his bare chest. “My dad cuts them on me as part of a tribal tradition, and he makes me take baths in steaming water so they always stay fresh. He says it helps me mold my chi.”

“Arrrr… well, it’s settled, then: ye all are part of me crew now!”

“We are?!” Kotoko exclaimed. “But that’s not right! We’re supposed to be our own crew!”

“It’s all right, Kotoko.” Monaca smiled. “Skaios will be a wonderful ally for us. After all, we can’t just keep aimlessly sailing the ocean forever. We need to make a name for ourselves and set an example for all children. I think we need to rid this world of all evil adults.”

“But we only took to the sea to be free from the evil adults.” Yuta replied. “I mean, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m kinda happy like this.”

“But don’t you think it’s unfair?” Monaca frowned in a mock pouty fashion. “There are so many kids who don’t get to be free because of mean adults. But if we’re in a big crew with Captain Skaios, we’ll have the strength to liberate those kids.”

“Well, then why don’t we just join the KND?”

At that instant, Monaca began swinging her arms crazily. “Monaca! Told! You! The! KND! Don’t! Care! About! Us!”

“I-I know, I know, you said they concern their selves with bigger problems. But we can be a sector that helps kids like us.”

“No! KND! Are! Biased! Cannot! Trust! Them! We are the answer, and we need to accomplish what the KND have forgotten to do! We must kill the evil adults! Every! Single! One!”

“Yeah! Kill the adults!” Masaru cheered. “Captain Skaios, will you help us in our noble quest?!”

“BLEEEEEHHHH!” The pirate threw up into the sea. “Huff…huff… Note to self: rum is an overrated pirate drink.”

“How old did you say you were again?” Nagisa asked.

“Ay don’t know. Anyhow, I sympathize with your stories, mates. Ay’ve had me own misadventures with adults; tryin’ to lock me away because I was too ‘important’ or ‘free spirited.’ Then, a couple years ago, I decided that a pirate’s life was for me.”

“Fascinating. But you mind explaining why you fell from the sky? Where were you before now?”

“Well, I were drinking in some sort of bar in space, and I think I got swept up in a wormhole after I flew out.”

“You flew through space without a ship?” Jataro asked. “But you can’t even use airbending in space. I think he’s lying…”

“Wanna bet?” Skaios immediately enveloped the ship in an air bubble. With wide and panicked eyes (though Monaca was unfazed), the children rose beyond the clouds, screaming as they bypassed the stratosphere.

“NO, PUT US BACK, PUT US BACK!” Masaru screamed. “We’re gonna suffocate, we’re…?” Stars glittered the universe and they could see either end of the Earth. Their little vessel was adrift in space. “We’re not… suffocating.”

“I can’t believe it!” Yuta said. “There shouldn’t be any oxygen this high up! How are you airbending?!”

“Hold on…” Nagisa thought back to what Yuta said before. “A-Are you… an actual god?!”

“Yar har har! And what if I am, maties?!”

“B-B-But… what are you doing here?! Why…”

“Who cares if I am, ye scurvy dogs? Who cares if I’m a god and you’re mortal? The fact is we’re all pirates! As far as I care, yer all equal to me. You’re either above me, or I’m above you.” He hovered over them. “And I Skaios, the Free God, accept you as my friends.”

“Ufufufufufu! This is delightful!” Monaca raised arms and telekinetically spun her wheelchair. “Monaca already has the perfect idea. Her family owns a ship that’s much more ginormous than this tiny boat. And with Skaios’ help, we can carry it through space. We’ll destroy dozens of adults and towns with Skaios’ help, and find more children and pirates to join our cause! And we, the Warriors of Hope, will rise as the Warriors of Sky!”

“Wow, what an epic name! You’re brilliant, Monaca!” Kotoko beamed.

“And with our power, we’ll form a new world!” Masaru announced. “A world where everyone is free to do whatever they want! That will be our goal, and it’ll be AWESOME!”

“YAAAAAAAHHHH!”

Yuta’s cheer, however, was more forced, his heart filled with worry rather than joy. Making friends with these kids might have been his greatest mistake…

Towa City

Upon returning to their hometown, Skaios blew through town like a missile, leaving cars crashed and people half-dead on the streets. Yuta lashed Water Whips at cops and Masaru molded fireballs in his hands, throwing them like baseballs to set cop cars ablaze. Jataro channeled Earth Chi to his chiseling knife to cut chunks of earth out of the road and throw them at more cops. Kotoko was light as air as she swiftly dodged stun guns and kicked them into submission.

The same fates were to befall the employees of Towa Corp.. Skaios’ airbending was too powerful for the humans or the guardian robots, and before long, the seven pirates were at the top of the tower, basking in the marvel of a tremendous airship that had a mansion built on its deck. “Ufufufu! That ship is Towa Corp.’s pride, the Light of Hope. Monaca’s parents are so conceited. It was designed to deliver our products to other nations, but it’s chockfull of weapons and perhaps certain ‘illegal’ goodies.”

“What kind of illegal goodies?” Nagisa asked, armed with a 4x4 laser rifle.

“Monaca recalls her father mentioning a man called Dr. Clown.”

The storage area on the Light of Hope was indeed filled with weapons, but what really drew their eyes was a crate from Bang Gas Industries. The crate contained four strange fruits with odd swirly designs. “What sorts of delicacies be these?” Skaios asked.

“These items are Devil Fruits.” Nagisa replied, reading a paper that came with the package. “Supposedly, consuming them will grant us a metahuman power. Its only drawback is that we’ll lose our ability to swim.”

“I can never swim ever again?!” Yuta exclaimed. “Count me out! No no no!”

“Me, too!” Kotoko stomped her feet and stuck her tongue out. “They look oh so icky! Yuck yuck yuck!”

“Suit yourselves.” Masaru replied. “What say the rest of you? No objections? Great! Then let’s decide which fruits we want.”

After Nagisa read the fruits’ descriptions, the kids decided: Masaru ate a watermelon that was swirly like a portal, Jataro ate a large pear, Nagisa ate some red grapes, and Monaca ate a round black apple with a long stem (it looked like a bomb). “ULP! It’s so awful.” The kids gagged.

“So, how about we play around with our new powers a bit?” Monaca asked. “I bet Jataro’s would be especially useful.”

“Really? But how?”

“Let’s take this ship to the stratosphere. I bet the view is amazing!”

Aboard their new and superior vessel, the Hope Pirates and Skaios gazed over the entirety of Towa as though it were plastered on a giant map. Jataro conjured a camera from his own chi and snapped a photo. The camera printed out an image so clear, one could reach inside it. Jataro rolled up his sleeve and stuck his hand into the image.

Screams erupted through town when a godlike pale hand with filthy long nails descended from the clouds. With a devilish smirk, Jataro dug his nails into the earth around Towa, using a tiny, yet focused amount of Earth Chi to separate the entire city from the planet itself. He lifted the city off the world, holding it as though it were a small rock.

“SHIVER ME FREAKIN’ TIMBERS!” Skaios’ eye nearly popped back into being from bewilderment. “What kinda magic is this?!”

“Jataro ate the Window-Window Fruit.” Nagisa recapped. “A Nen-class, it allows him to take photos of an area and stick his body through it, magnifying himself in relation to the photo’s perspective. The bigger the area, the bigger the result. Here are the weaknesses: first, only Jataro’s body can enter the photos; nobody else, and no objects can enter either, including his clothes. Second, he can only affect the area within the photo, and nothing outside its border. If anything like a person or this landmass exits the border, it’ll be safe from his giant range.”

“But I can pick up giant chunks of earth and throw them at enemies outside the border.” Jataro informed. “What I’m wondering is, can you do with this landmass what you can with our ships, Skaios?”

“I say we find out!” The impish captain soared down and orbited the landmass several times, creating a windy bubble over it. Within minutes, the city of Towa was uplifting into the stars. Towa had become its own planetoid with its own Oxygen Zone.

Skaios and his friends viewed their accomplishment with pride. “This…This is the beginning.” Ambition was fueling Skaios. “This is the birth of our kingdom. This is… THE FREE KINGDOM!”

Skaios led his crewmen to all the best places he visited in the universe. Soon, news channels were raving about multiple planets losing chunks of their worlds. Skaios and the Hope Pirates gained infamy and popularity amongst pirates and criminals alike.

In the headquarters of the White Lotus, Vice-Commander Annie Wilconson studied a news article of the growing threat. “This Skaios person looks a lot like Vaati. His goals are kind of similar, too.”

“Vaati’s been missing since the battle at Mariejoa.” replied Officer Katniss Everdeen, a black-haired woman with a bow. “Do you think there’s a connection?”

“Perhaps we should pay this Skaios a visit. At the very least, he does seem like somebody Vaati would be attracted to.”

Aboard the Halberd II, Meta Knight read the article. “This kind of power feels oddly familiar. Perhaps I should arrange a meeting with this Skaios.”

In an unknown area, a red-eyed ninja read the article. “So, this is the one? Indeed… this Skaios might prove very helpful to our plan.”

Somewhere on Earth, another band of pirates read about them on an Intergalactic Newspaper. Their ship was white with the figurehead of a clown, had dice pattern decorations, and its sail bore the Jolly Roger of two diamonds: one resembling a divided face with a red smiling half and sad white half, and one with an “E” inside a square “C”, with the name DICE written beneath.

The crewmen all wore white straitjackets and clown masks, and their purple-haired captain was a scrawny boy in a purple cape and general’s cap. “This Skaios guy actually seems pretty fun.” Captain Kokichi smiled. “Maybe we oughta give him a call.”

Planet Avalar; Evermore (five months ago)

King Evan stood upon the castle balcony and addressed his people. Legions of faithful citizens cheered for him: he who ruled Evermore and led the Union of Ni no Kuni. For a 14-year-old to accomplish this much was an amazing feat. And Tani was so honored to be able to stand beside him. It was an odd feeling, but being around Evan, it felt as if butterflies were fluttering over her heart. Tani must have been going cuckoo to think that. Still, who would have thought that a raggedy band of pirates such as her own could be a part of it?

And that’s when a shadow was cast over the kingdom. A tremendous galleon composed of alien technology loomed over their peaceful domain like a cloud of death. “QUICK! EVACUATE THE CITY!” Evan cried.

“YOU HEARD HIM!” one of the guards yelled. “All citizens, EVACUATE!”

People were screaming and fleeing the town, but fortunately, the pirates only cared about storming the castle. Lasers fired down, blowing holes open as the pirates descended, and Evan and Tani did their best to cut the cutthroats down, sword and spear in hand. That was when a great gust of wind blew into the castle, taking the form of a dark-cloaked figure with silver hair and a red eye. “Wh-Who are you?!” Evan asked.

“My name is Vaati of the Sky God Pirates, and I am here to put an end to your reign. Knowing you are a kind ruler, I will not kill you, but I must demand that you abolish your government and ensure true freedom to your citizens.”

“My citizens are already free! And in any case, I WON’T let you HURT THEM!” Evan swung his sword at his neck, but Vaati’s Logia wind body was unaffected.

The wind mage grabbed Evan by the neck and soared outside. “EVAN!” Tani shouted, trying to chase them. However, an earthquake suddenly transpired, and the ceiling above Tani collapsed. “AAAAAH!”

“TANI!” Her father, Batu swooped by on an aircraft and grabbed her.

As Vaati carried Evan outside, the king was horrified as his precious castle was demolished by a tremendous tornado. The symbol of his kingdom, pride of Evermore, was slowly crumbling under this raging wind. “This is the power of Emperor Skaios.” Vaati said. Within the cyclone was a bright blue glow, and Evan could see a tiny, shadowed figure in the center of it. “His wind blows with pure freedom, and soon it will sweep across the entire universe! If you refuse to accept freedom, King Evan… we must enforce it!” Vaati raised the Declaration of Interdependence, which bore the signatures of all the continent’s united kingdoms. The wizard burned the Declaration with a simple spell.

“Mmm…ugh…” Light slowly returned to Tani’s eyes, and she found herself in her father’s arms. “D-Dad? What happened?”

“We couldn’t beat them, Tani. I had to get you away from there.”

Tani viewed across the fields, mouth agape as their castle was a crumbled shell of its former self. “W…Where’s Evan?”

“They took him, Tani. Took him aboard their ship. But don’t worry. I ’ave a plan to save him.”

“You…You think we should JOIN them?!” Tani shouted after hearing his proposal.

“Only until we have a chance to save Evan! It’ll be fine, Tani; we’ll just make up a little fib and with any luck, they’ll let us be their allies. Now, do ya want to save Evan or don’t you?”

“…” Tani faced the kingdom with passion in her eyes. “Orright. Let’s do it, Dad.”

Current time

For as long as we at Intergalactic News can record, the young and mysterious pirate known as Skaios has evaded the law and terrorized hundreds of planets. Recently, not only has Skaios amassed hundreds of followers into a powerful crew, he has currently “stolen” a total of 21 landmasses from multiple worlds, a record-breaking feat for any criminal. Governments have ranked him among the universe’s worst criminals, and the pirate community have officially given Skaios the title of “Emperor.”

According to reports, Skaios’ primary goal is to demolish governments and assimilate nations into his “Free Kingdom.” He has stolen the capitals of Evermore and Artemyra from Avalar, Inkopolis from Mushroom World, and an island of mutant animals from Superbia, to name a few. They continue to invite more people to join their free world.

A lone pirate ship with a raccoon figurehead was closing in on the Free Kingdom. “Are you really sure they’re gonna let us in so casually?” Mason Dimalanta asked.

“’ey, there’s no one freer than Sunny-Fist Sheila.” replied their raccoon captain. “They should be begging for a girl like me to join!”

“I just hope they’ll be willing to make an alliance with us.” Chris said. “Or if they’re even safe to make allies with.”

“Yeah, but they may be our best chance at stopping the other Emperors.” Aurora replied. “Sigh… I wonder if Cheren would approve of this.”

Has anyone noticed that 2018 was the Year of Crossovers? We got things like Smash Ultimate, Infinity War, Wreck-It Ralph 2, Jump Force and KHIII trailers, and not to mention major Gameverse stories like World Rings or the Emperor Prequels. And it seems like it’ll continue to 2019, too. Indeed, this was a great year to be the king! X)

Anyway, this introduces the Warriors of Hope (plus Yuta), the first crossovers from Danganronpa! Those lyrics to Dark Pit’s song are from a YouTube video.

Chapter Text

Play “Arctic Cruise” from A Hat in Time!

Mushroom World; Toad Town Harbor

Nights on Mushroom were among the most beautiful, and it was no question why the people honored stars. They would bless the passengers with a safe voyage as they boarded the Saint Rosalina. Mushroomians were eager to board the most luxurious cruise liner on the planet. “Are we ready to set sail?” asked the captain, a brown sentient walrus, into his phone. There was a crashing sound, followed by, “Arf arf arf!” The captain sighed and hung up.

The six operatives of Sector MG gazed at the marvel of the Rosalina. “Woooow, Maria!” Wendy Marvell beamed. “It was so kind of your mom to book us a passage on this!”

“Being a princess sure is great, huh?” Romeo asked.

“For the last time, I’m not a princess, anymore!” Maria shouted, wearing a sky-blue vacation shirt with Shine Sprite designs, plus blue shorts and sandals. She was in a wheelchair.

“Well, your mom is still the queen.” Oliver Orson replied. “She gave us a new Gold Shroom Card and everything.”

“In that case, I’m totally piggin’ out.” Philip Blakely replied. “They better have loads of cheese on this baby.”

“I just hope they have a good place for the pets.” Kiki Yamaka said.

“Why, we don’t got any… WAIT a minute!” Phil flushed, facing Kiki angrily as she snickered. “You know, I’m finding your jokes to be really offensive.”

“Not as offensive as this!” Kiki tauntingly raised Phil’s jar of pills and ran off.

“KIKIIII!” Phil began to chase her around the harbor.

“Maria!” a woman called. The group faced left, seeing a green-haired Mobian dog, whom they recognized as Cheadle Yorkshire. She wore a blue top with gold ring designs and a sky-blue sarong and sandals. “Looks like I made it in time.”

“Miss Yorkshire! I didn’t know you were coming, too. But aren’t you, like, the Queen of Mobius?”

“Chancellor, really, but I have people to run things in my absence. I’m sure they’ll survive without me. I offered to come with you to make sure your leg gets a healthy treatment. After all, such a brave princess deserves only the best!”

“NO, I DON’T DESERVE THE BEST! I’m not a princess anymore, gosh darn it! I renounced my title!”

“Oh, there you are, Princess Maria.” The captain approached them. “We’ve got the VIP cabin set up for you and your little party.”

“I DON’T WANT A LUXURY CABIN!”

“Hewwo, Pwincess Mawia.” Two little white seals in attendants’ uniforms flopped up. “We, the attendants of the Saint Wosawina, will be happy to cater to youw evewy need. We awe so honored to pwease the beautiful pwincess of the Mushwoom Kingdom.”

Maria’s sweet young heart was melting at the total cuteness. “You may pwease me however you wike, wittle seals.”

“I guess we get the luxury cabin.” Romeo shrugged. “Fine by me.”

“Excuse me, strangers.” An adorable voice spoke. They were approached by a green-haired girl in a wheelchair and black dress. “Would you please help roll my wheelchair onto the boat? It looks like quite a long path and my arms aren’t strong enough.”

“Aren’t you a little young to be traveling alone, pup?” the captain asked.

“I’ll help you.” Romeo offered, beginning to push her toward the ramp. The velvet path made a couple horizontal turns before resuming ascension to the deck. “Geez, why are these lines always so complex? I guess so it can fit multiple people, but it’s such a chore.”

“Think of it like a videogame.” the girl said. “You’ll feel more proud with the more obstacles you clear.”

“Heheh. Well, here we are, I guess.” They arrived at the deck of the ship, with Romeo’s friends close behind. “It’s kinda funny because my friend is handicapped, too.”

“Your friend is the Princess of Mushroom, isn’t she?”

“Well, she prefers not to be called that.”

“Ufufu! Perhaps that is best. Monaca thanks you for your kind assistance.” The girl reached back and shook Romeo’s white sash.

The boy took her hand and shook it. “My pleasure. Need me to guide you to your room?”

“Monaca can manage it from here. She hopes we enjoy the voyage.” She rolled off on her own.

“Aww, such a gentleman, Romeo.” Wendy cooed, scoring a blush from the boy.

“Now, let’s dump our junk on the floor and hit the swimming pool!” Maria cheered.

A gentle tune that mixed accordions with acoustic guitars was playing on the speakers. Maria kicked back on an inflatable chair in the deck pool, slurping on a milkshake. Two seals were whacking a volleyball over her from either side. She saw Romeo up on the diving board, performing a cannonball that caused a large wave.

Kiki, Oliver, and Phil explored the poolside, seeing a seal on its back and holding an egg to its tummy. Adored by this, they slowly approached the seal. Its eyes were closed in bliss. Then, once they were close, the seal spoke a single word:

“Egg.”

Their hearts exploded from the overwhelming cuteness. They would have to stay clear of these seals, because their cuteness could kill.

Wendy and Cheadle found a daycare adjacent to the pool. The desk had a cardboard seal and a sign that said, Must be this smol to enter. “Oh dear, it seems we’re not ‘smol’ enough.” Cheadle said with a humored smile.

“Not without a little magic!” Wendy grinned, waving her wand. “Reducio!” She miniaturized both herself and the chancellor to six inches tall.

_{“Hm hm hm! I say we’re definitely smol now.”} Cheadle laughed, the two passing under the desk as though it were a truck’s garage. Several Yoshi toddlers were scampering about the daycare. Some Yoshis spotted the tiny visitors and went to see them.

_{“Ooo, look, Miss Yorkshire! Giant Yoshis!”} Wendy beamed. _{“Shall we go for a ride?”}

The Yoshis licked their lips in hunger.

“Pardon me, children.” a Mobian koala said to Ollie, Phil, and Kiki. “Have you seen where Miss Yorkshire went to? Always running off, she is.”

“I think she and Wendy went in there.” Phil pointed at the daycare. The koala walked over as the automatic door opened.

_{“Aaaaaahhhh!”} The tiny Wendy and Cheadle skittered out, followed by a stampede of baby Yoshis. They jumped into the pool with a little _splish.

They later went to the dining room, where Maria insisted they sit at an ordinary table instead of the VIP table. Of course, this didn’t hold Phil and Romeo back from ordering all the tastiest items on the menu; in Phil’s case, he got cheese pie, cheese cake, cheese fries, a cheese buffet fit for a mouse king.

“Mmmmm, oh yes, oh yeeeeesss…” Phil moaned as he gobbled up 10 fries at once. “This is how humanity is meant to live.”

“Ewwww!” Kiki groaned. “For someone pretending to be human, you’re becoming a FAAAAAATTY rat!”

“Yeah, well your shorts ain’t exactly a Size 1.”

“Hey!” Kiki flushed, “These shorts were specially designed with extra thickness so my butt doesn’t hurt sitting on a broom all day!”

“She’s not wrong.” Oliver replied. “I get kinda itchy after playing Quidditch, and one time my pants ripped and splinters got in-”

“Are we really discussing this during dinner?” Romeo said, repulsed.

“No, keep the gross talk going!” Maria insisted. “This is very un-princess-like. Here, my turn: my leg cut smells like a sweaty orange.”

“Maria, manners!” Cheadle scolded. “That’s it, you’re going to bed early.”

“But Miss Yorkshirrrrre!”

Over a course of four days, the seven enjoyed their pleasant cruise. Oliver and Romeo gambled in the casino, uncaring with how much of Peach’s money they lost—until Cheadle socked the boys in the heads and ordered them to be more respectful.

On the 2nd night, Cheadle ordered a pile of warm towels from the laundry room, allowing Maria to lie on them. “Aaaahhhh…” Maria sighed, for the feeling of her arched back against the hot, fluffy towels was euphoric. “Is this how I would’ve slept in the castle?”

“I don’t think it’s healthy to actually sleep in that position. But it is a good stress reliever, isn’t it?”

The central area had everyone’s cabins stacked up over a garden. There was a statue of the legendary “Merseal” under a beautiful reflective waterfall. “My dweam is to one day mawwy a Merseaw.” a seal said.

“But it just looks like a female seal.” Oliver replied.

“Pwease don’t demowish my imagination.”

On the fourth night, Cheadle rubbed Maria’s leg wound with a healing cream. “Can I try jumping now?”

“Okay, but do it gently, Maria.”

The former princess climbed off her chair and lightly jumped. She made consecutive little jumps. Other vacationers were drawn in. “Princess Maria is jumping!” a Toad girl whispered.

“So coooool!” a Koopa boy in a backwards cap said.

“Alright, everyone needs to back off!” Cheadle stated. “Maria’s not an exhibit. Guards, form a wall.” Her koala men circled Maria and blocked her from view. The people disappointedly walked away. “Honestly, why is jumping such a big deal on this world?”

“Thanks, Miss Yorkshire.” Maria smiled. “You know, I’ve only known you for two weeks, and you’re already a better mom than Queen Peach.”

Cheadle felt her heart erupt with emotions.

Outside on one of the walkways, Wendy and Romeo were gazing at the sunset. “I can’t believe that Maria!” They were startled when Cheadle stomped out, forcefully grabbed her own seat, and smashed it between the two mages.

“Is something the matter, Miss Yorkshire?” Wendy asked.

“Maria said something incredibly hurtful! She said I would make a better mom than Peach! I can’t believe I was compared to Peach in such a negative manner.”

“Forgive me, but, um, I fail to see why you’re so angry over this.”

“Peach’s own daughter favors me over her! But that’s simply not possible, everyone adores the queen. She’s a wonderful person and everyone should love her, yet for some reason, her own daughter prefers me as a parental figure! How could she say something like that?!” She was blushing and squirming as if she were complimented by a school crush, desperately denying how wonderful she feels.

“But… is that really such a bad thing?” Romeo asked. “Not to start a fight, but you have been taking good care of Maria since her leg was broken. Even though Peach is paying for this cruise, she still could’ve been here to try and make up for lost time.”

“You know, Maria and I are kind of alike.” Wendy replied, smiling at the memories. “We were both abandoned by our parents because they had important duties for us. I was taken in by Dr. Facilier and he was really kind. In the end, I started to hate my real dad and I wanted Facilier as my dad. Of course, I think my upbringing and Maria’s are pretty different… not to say mine was worse, but…”

“Still, if Maria thinks of you like a mom,” Romeo followed, “you shouldn’t disappoint her, even if you’re worried about stealing her from Peach.”

“You may be right, but… this sort of thing could cause an international crisis!”

“Even though Peach’s other daughter already tried to attack you?”

“That’s beside the point! Sigh… I’m so not ready to be a parent. …Oh dear, the sun’s going down.” Cheadle pulled out some sunglasses. “Tonight’s a full moon.”

“You’re wearing moonglasses?” Romeo assumed out of confusion.

“When a Mobian stares at the full moon, they’re forced into their Primal Mode. Of course, I can control myself just fine in that state, but I prefer not to exhaust myself. Did you know that Mobians originate from a realm called the Netherverse? We developed our intelligence thanks to the Netherverse’s abnormal chi, and the moons filter that chi into our universe. That’s why staring at it has such a dramatic effect on us.”

“Yeah, I remember learning about Moon Chi!” Wendy said. “But if that’s actually a problem, then don’t visit Lunaria.”

Seeing the moon glistening over the heavens, Kiki mounted her broom and took flight. She flew as high as possible, beaming as she was so close to touching the moon! It was growing bigger and bigger, yet it forever evaded her grasp. “KIIIIII HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!” the young witch cackled to the heavens.

Oliver and Phil smiled at her carefree moment. “Why does she like the moon so much, anyway?” Phil asked.

“I don’t know, but when she first took off on her own, it was a beautiful night with a full moon. Maybe it just brings back good memories.”

“If you ask me, she’s a wicked witch on the inside and outside.”

“PUHUHUHUHUHU!”

“See, just listen to her. Getting all high on moonlight.”

“Huh?” Kiki looked around after hearing the strange laugh. “What was that laugh?”

She gasped when a sapphire comet suddenly whizzed by her face. “Huh?!” (End song.)

Then, the comet POOFED into thin air and BASHED Kiki square in the skull! The boys were horrified when the witch fell off her broom and splashed into the pool. “KIKI!” Since Phil couldn’t swim, Ollie dove in and grabbed Kiki, pulling her out and laying her on the poolside.

Phil had called the others, and all the friends rushed up in concern. Part of Kiki’s hair had burned, along with the skin underneath. Cheadle’s men quickly brought her equipment, and she set to work. “What the hell happened up here?!” Captain Walrus demanded, storming in.

“She was hit by some kind of fireball!” Oliver replied.

“Wook, Captain! I found this!” A seal leapt out of the water with a burnt ball balancing on its nose.

“Oh, that’s a baseball!” Phil examined curiously.

“But where did it come from?” Ollie asked.

“Was it dose fwying bears?” a seal pointed.

The passengers looked with fear as monochrome bears descended on parachutes. They landed perfectly on all edges of the deck, baring claws to compel the Mushroomians to stay in place. Five more figures floated down, a group of kids: the Hope Pirates.

Still in his brown mask, Jataro wore a dark-brown carpenter’s apron with art tools, a lighter brown shirt with oversized sleeves, and matching shoes. Masaru wore a red- and black-striped T-shirt under a white sleeveless with a red sword design, along with matching socks and sneakers, white headphones, and blue shorts. Kotoko wore a devil horn headband, a black shirt and skirt, and pink- and white-striped stockings.

Nagisa had a white button shirt and shorts with square patterns in brown lines, blue socks, white shoes, and a yellow scarf. Yuta wore a teal-blue track jacket over a white top, khaki shorts, red sneakers, and yellow socks. (Play “It’s a Kids World” from Danganronpa!)

The pirates landed perfectly in a row, overlooking the pool. “Passengers of the Saint Rosalina,” Masaru announced, “this ship is hereby under the command of the Sky God Pirates! Rejoice as we liberate you from your laborious lives and take you on an everlasting vacation.” The captain was also wearing a large black hat with a red feather on it.

“The Sky God Pirates?!” Wendy exclaimed. “Isn’t that the same crew Louise was part of?”

“Look, there she is.” Masaru spotted the group of operatives. “That dog lady’s gotta be the Mobian chancellor. We’re here to finish what Louise started and stripping you of your title.”

“So, that’s what this is about. But why would you attack Kiki?!”

“I’m scared of witches…” Jataro moaned. “I asked Captain Masaru to hit her with a baseball or I wouldn’t do the laundry tonight.”

“That was the power of the Poof-Poof Fruit!” Masaru held up a baseball alit with blue flames. “When I have a set target in mind, my baseballs will warp and hit it with dead accuracy. And even if they hit on the first throw, they’ll warp and hit again!”

“Alright,” Captain Walrus climbed up to their level, “I don’t know what you kids think you’re doing, but you’re causing a disturbance, and I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

“Ufufufufu. Oh, Captain, you don’t seem to understand how pirates work.” Walrus about-faced to find the handicapped child, Monaca: she wore a black dress and socks with white shoes, and her dress bore a skeletal design on the back.

“That girl is behind this?!” Romeo exclaimed. “Man, I feel so stupid! This is my fault!”

“Relax, Romeo.” Wendy comforted. “She could’ve easily tricked anyone else into helping her, and no one would’ve suspected her.”

“Wait, you’re the girl that was traveling alone.” Walrus recalled. “I thought there was something strange about you! Seals, capture these kids!”

“Aye-aye, Captain! Our yeaws of twaining in the Mushwoom Mawines have wed up to dis!” The adorable crewmen gathered together with combat poses. Nagisa drew a controller and commanded the Monokumas to attack them. A seal rolled behind a Kuma and did a suplex, then flipped above to smash its head. Chef seals tossed kitchen knives into Kumas’ red eyes, destroying them instantly. The seals flipped Kumas into the air and played volleyball with them, which ended with sending them into the ocean. A seal caught a Kuma inside an inner tube, which was filled with gas and was used to explode the robot.

“Your crewmen are quite impressive.” Nagisa said. “But it seems their intelligence is lacking.”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Walrus agreed. “Otherwise, they would be a lot worse for you.”

“Oh, I disagree.” With a smirk, the vice-captain flipped upside-down with a head-spin. “Alluring Gas!” His teammates closed their noses as Nagisa suddenly sprouted a skunk tail and blew gas everywhere.

“Yuck!” Walrus clamped his nose as all the passengers were groaning in disgust. “Are you a Mobian or something?!”

“On the contrary, my power comes from the Skunk-Skunk Fruit.” Nagisa’s human features turned into those of a skunk. “Not only does it grant me artificial poisonbending, but it attracts animals with low intelligence and allows me to command them.”

“Poor Nagisa was so jealous over not having an element.” Kotoko teased. “I’m not of course because I’m a terrific fighter!”

“Sniiiiiff. What is that fwagwant stench?” a seal asked, swooned.

“It’s coming fwom that handsome boy. Will you pwease gas us again?”

“Only if you subdue that walrus!” Nagisa ordered.

“Yes, Mastew!” The seals began flipping and piling onto their captain.

“You ungrateful traitors!” Walrus aggressively threw the seals off, but as they kept recovering, he resorted to smashing them beneath his blubber. “UWAH!” It was then a giant finger appeared from the sky and pinned him.

“Look, my puny finger is stronger than a walrus.” Jataro taunted, using a bird’s-eye photo of the deck to press the bulky captain like a grape.

“Sky Dragon CLAW!” Wendy leapt up and punched Masaru, her Cyclone Fist sending him swirling into the wall! She then kicked Jataro away, but defended when Kotoko threw kicks in rapid succession. Wendy gasped when a wave from the ocean rose directly above her, summoned by Yuta’s bending. Romeo jumped in to defend her, freezing the wave with Ice Fire.

“Don’t interfere in a fight between ladies!” Romeo declared.

With a sweet smile, Monaca tapped her thumb to her index finger. “Boop!”

At that instant, Romeo’s sash EXPLODED. “AAAAAHH!” He and Wendy were blown back. “Ooooww… Romeo, are you okay?!” Wendy turned her friend on his back, working to heal his wound. “What happened?!”

“Ufufufu! Poor Romeo fell for Monaca’s trap.” The girl giggled. “Monaca ate the Bomb-Bomb Fruit. Whatever Monaca touches, Monaca can pop with the snap of a finger. Now, let’s play a game called, ‘Guess what goes pop?’ Boop! Boop! Boop!” She tapped her thumb some more, and everyone could hear explosions coming from the cabins.

“WAIT A MINUTE!” a Toad mother screamed. “We let that girl into our room the other day! She said she lost her key and needed a place to sleep.”

“She told ME that the other night!” a Koopa dad said.

“How could you be so cruel?!” Wendy shouted. “Tricking all these people and destroying their property!”

“Ufufu! Monaca has done much worse things. For example:” Monaca faced down at the operatives by the pool, namely the baseball by Phil and Ollie’s feet. “Boop!”

Wondering where she was looking, the boys in question just remembered the baseball and reactively jumped away. “Huh?” The ball twitched with a spark, but didn’t explode.

“What?!” Monaca gaped. “Oh, no! Monaca can’t pop things that are wet. It’s why she can’t explode flesh bodies. We’re all so squishy and bloody. But Monaca has other means, ufufu!” The crippled girl conjured a Psycho Sphere with a bomb fuse and threw it down, the operatives dodging the explosion.

“I won’t allow you disrespectful brats to ruin this vacation!” Cheadle declared, leaping up to the deck and discarding her moonglasses. “I’ll have to do this the hard way!” And she whipped up in the direction of the moon, eyes stretched wide so her pupils could absorb every ounce of light. “?!”

Only then did they realize the moon was blocked by a huge landmass. “What in the… A floating island?!”

“Sorry, but this battle is already over.” Masaru decided. “Skaios will add this ship to the Free Kingdom any moment.”

“Grrrr! I can still use Primal Mode without the moon-!” Cheadle quickly dodged when Monaca threw a Psycho Bomb.

“OOOF!” The green-haired child was rammed by Maria’s wheelchair.

“Leave Miss Yorkshire alone!” Maria tossed her hat onto Monaca’s head, causing the former princess to fly inside and possess her. Monaca squirmed furiously, her eyes nearly turning inside-out, until a burst of psychic forced Maria back into her chair.

“Aaaaahh! Monaca’s! Mind! Was! Violated!” The child flailed her arms. “Princess! Maria! Raped! Monaca’s! Brain!”

“No I didn’t! And quit calling me a princess!”

“Something’s happening to the boat!” Oliver exclaimed.

The Saint Rosalina was slowly enveloped inside a gigantic wind bubble. The passengers cried in fear as the ship tilted up and rose into the heavens. “This battle was already decided long before it started.” Masaru declared. “With our captain—I mean, subordinate Skaios, our freedom is the absolute law!”

“Wendy, what should we do?!” Oliver asked.

The wind mage hesitated to answer, unable to find a quick solution to their situation. Romeo and Kiki were injured, Maria’s current handicap prevented her from fighting well… Still, if these people worked for the Sky God Pirates, then she knew of someone who could aid them: her father. “If we admit defeat, would you refrain from hurting anybody else?”

“And what if we don’t?!” Masaru stated.

“Captain!” Nagisa yelled reprovingly. “We accept your offer, and we happily welcome you to our paradise. Besides, some of our other subordinates have requested us not to harm you or the former princess.”

“Louise…” Maria immediately knew.

“And Father, too.” Wendy agreed. (End song.)

The Free Kingdom

“Welcome, newcomers, to the Free Kingdom! Upon setting foot in this domain, you have all cast aside your worldly concerns and have accepted true freedom! On these floating lands that travel the cosmos, there are no laws, except the illusory laws you set for yourselves. Ye will sail in luxury and freedom for the rest of your lives, and when you die, your spirits will continue to sail with us!”

The Halberd II flew to Earth, looming over the coastside city of Orchid Bay, Maine. Meta Knight (from Kirby) clashed with the city’s guardian, Juniper Lee, his false Galaxia Sword on par with her strength. The winged Nightmare took flight and did a drill attack, but June was able to clap the sword in both hands and slam Meta Knight to the ground. She stomped at him, but the knight dodge-rolled and slashed June’s leg, the Chinese girl leaping back and withstanding the pain. She launched at Meta Knight with a roundabout kick, blocked by his blade, but she countered by bashing her balled fists onto his head.

“You are a strong warrior.” Meta Knight complimented. “I look forward to having you in our kingdom.”

Before June could question him, two godlike fingers descended from the heavens and burrowed under the earth. Not only did they rip Orchid Bay from the surface, but the Veil’s generators were destroyed. The humans fell into panic when demons seemed to appear out of thin air, and the demons, too, were panicking that their peaceful secret lives had been exposed. Alas, no one could evacuate when the city was taken into the heavens.

“Unfortunately, this universe is filled with corrupt, evil adults who have tied their bonds too tightly to their offspring. The only way to break these tethers is an exciting execution!”

The Avalaran city of Goldpaw was both renowned and infamous for its heavy reliance on fortune. The city had a beautiful Chinese aesthetic and was populated by Dogfolk, Mobian dogs that had settled on the planet. The Grand High Roller, Pugnacius, faced Kokichi Oma, captain of the Dice Pirates (and 10th captain of the Sky God Pirates), before the statue of Lady Luck. “This will be our final roll.” Pugnacius announced. “If the number is even, you return Evermore and its citizens to us, and all the towns your army has stolen will be under our jurisdiction.”

“And if the number is odd, Goldpaw belongs to me.” Kokichi said with a vile smirk. “The die is cast.” Kokichi pressed the switch, and Lady Luck dropped a giant die onto the platform. The citizens gasped in awe when the die was stopped on its corner, about to land with the ‘4’ faced up. Then, one of Kokichi’s crewmen, a short girl, launched a coin from a slingshot, hitting the die as it shifted to the ‘1’ side.

“What?! YOU CHEATED! That die was CLEARLY about to land on ‘4’!”

“HAH! That’s real big talk, coming from you! I KNOW you use a remote control for the dice!”

“That’s all in the past! I’m a changed man, and I wish to repay my debt to King Evan!”

“Relax, Puggy! In the Free Kingdom, there IS no debt!” A dark aura radiated from Kokichi. To everyone’s amazement, Pugnacius’ scepter flew into Kokichi’s hand, and the words ‘Grand High Roller’ flew out of the pug and into the pirate. “Your title and your authority officially belong to me! That includes your army.”

Kokichi Oma (from Danganronpa), already a nasty prankster with his darknessbending, ate the Dice-Dice Fruit. When someone agrees to gamble with him over a specific possession, and if he wins, Kokichi will become the owner of said possession, and no one else may interact with it unless Kokichi allows it. Of course, this ability will work in favor of the opposing side should Kokichi lose. The fruit’s effect will also be lost if the person discards the possession. Kokichi can also use this to give his team power-ups, or vice-versa.

Also on Avalar, Artemyra was a matriarchal kingdom built within a canyon. The Artemyrans (human women with wings on their legs) were in battle with a horde of gray-skinned troll-zombies with orange horns. The zombies were immune to any of their attacks, the warriors suffering cuts from the trolls’ weapons. When they were too weak to fight, the warriors were trapped in a blue web of psychic energy.

The psychic webs originated from a female troll with milky white eyes, wearing a black captain’s uniform. “Yo, Serket!” The troll faced down at a fierce knight, bravely and mercilessly striking the Artemyrans down. “I’m kinda digging this town! You think their giant birds are good eating?!”

“I don’t know, Undyne, 8ut they might 8e fun to race with! As soon as we conquer this town, I’m making that a rule!”

…

Wano Country was a region of Planet Historia that resembled feudal Japan. The shogun’s palace was built in the Flower Capital, situated on a waterfall mountain with a ?-shaped tree standing over it. Shogun Yanari (from Katanagatari) felt the utmost safety with his 22 retainers to protect him. There were 11 elite samurai guarding the way through the palace, and 11 ninja hidden in secret in the shogun’s throne room. Together, they were the Yanari Shogunate.

“I say, what is that commotion outside?” Yanari asked, hearing the faint sounds of hundreds of screams.

A young ninja with flowers in her blonde hair, a pink robe with green flowers, and sandals pounced through the window like a rabbit. “An intruder has entered the palace! He is decimating the guards swiftly!” Chome reported (from One Piece).

“Do not fear, My Lord.” said Fukuro, a ninja with a very tall head and sunglasses. “He will be disposed of by the samurai.”

However, it only took about five minutes for the dark-clothed intruder, Sasuke Uchiha (from Naruto) to ascend each floor and KO the samurai. Haiga attacked him alongside a sword-wielding automaton, but was defeated as the mech shattered; Uron impaled himself with an electric dagger that amplified his stamina, but Sasuke used lightningbending to steal the electricity, along with the sword, and KO him. Kairo was a samurai donned in impenetrable armor, but Sasuke struck so quickly and strongly that the armor vibrated and eventually KO’ed him.

Though, Sasuke was stumped for a bit before a particular samurai: a small, frail girl with gray hair and a blue robe. “Um, stop right there…” Saraba said meekly as she swung an empty sword hilt at the air. “Or I’ll… I’m not sure how to use this thing. They just gave it to me and said…”

“Well, you could throw it and hit my head.” Sasuke replied.

“Okay…” Saraba weakly threw the hilt, but Sasuke smacked it back, bumped her in the head, and she fell over as her depressed expression grew more glum. Sasuke lightly kicked her aside and proceeded upward.

The 11 samurai fell before him as Sasuke arrived at the throne room. “You!” Yanari yelled. “How could you have possibly defeated my-”

“Their techniques were outdated.” Sasuke marched forward. “Just like this world.”

The 11 ninjas jumped out at once to attack him. Their diverse appearances and techniques would leave one mentally overwhelmed, but he swiftly evaded each one, threw punches, and struck lightning. Yanari was left agape as his retainers lay in a pile. “Now, if there will be no more interruptions,” Sasuke said, “I will be liberating this nation. Surrender the throne to me, or perish!”

“YES!” Yanari bowed cowardly. “It’s all yours! Do as you please! Just spare me! Please!”

“Hmph. You truly were unfit to rule. However, these retainers of yours will make excellent crewmen. From this day forward, all of you are Sky God Pirates! Any objections?” He spoke as flames ignited his form ominously.

“Nope, none here!” Raijin surrendered.

“You are our new shogun, it seems.” Hanzo said.

“Hee hee! This could be fun!” Chome cheered.

“Oh, no.” Saraba moaned, rubbing the bump on her head. “I knew I shouldn’t have taken this job…”

…

“So long as ye accept this life of eternal joy,” Skaios announced, speaking on PA from his throne as he wolfed down giant cooked turkeys, melons, cakes, and cinnamon rolls, “ye can party with us all day, every day, 24/7, ’til the end of time! So, Saint Rosalina, ENJOY THE SLAUGHTER KART!”

The air rumbled with the whir of engines. Dozens of karts lined up at the track, eager to seize 1st place at the start. Many of these racers, adults in particular, were extremely worried, almost as if their lives were on the line. There were also Inklings, humanoid children with squid hair of different colors, baring smirks as they were itching for some bloodshed. Six of the karts were occupied by Monokumas with colored left halves, and they were remotely controlled by the Hope Pirates. And the kart in the very back, small enough for an infant, was manned by Captain Skaios, fully reenergized after his buffet.

3…2…1… GO!

Skaios BURST through the very center of the rows and seized 1st place with godlike airbending! All the other racers took off hastily as Masaru began to sing.

“Soar through the sky right by a thunderstorm!” The racers sped under artificial clouds, some of the adults struck by lightning as their cars exploded. “Cause permanent hearing loss with a giant horn!” An Inkling used a horn to blow an adult off the track and into the abyss. “Let’s play chicken with tons of grenades.” The Monokumas launched grenades and wiped out more adults. “Or spin right through the rain (GOOD IDEA).” Skaios spun rapidly over a wet road, his airbending whipping water to cut down racers.

“Let out some oil and light your friends ablaze!” The Blue Kuma dumped oil and lit it aflame, burning his fellow bears. “Let air out of tires and cause them great delays!” Some adults were falling behind due to flat tires. “Piranha Plants and Chain Chomps are new.” Adults were ambushed and eaten by the vicious creatures. “And we have a dangerous zoo.” The second they drove through the zoo, adults were ripped to death by bloodthirsty animals.

“Flying through space like a cosmic ray!” Skaios flew first through the Air Tunnel, leading off that island and toward the next one. The camera zoomed out for a widescreen view of dozens of islands in the atmosphere of Mushroom. “No seatbelts or helmets to GET IN YOUR WAAAAAY!” Flying through the tunnel, a woman screamed as a meteor shot through, fatally striking her car as she fell to the planet’s surface.

Exiting the tunnel, Skaios began to swirl in the air as the six kids sang in unison. “These are all things that we let FUCKING GROWN-UPS DO.”

“These are all things…” Kotoko and Monaca sang.

“These are all things that we let-” Masaru sang alone.

“Fucking grown-ups!”

An adult launched out of the tunnel, his kart flipping aimlessly. “NO NO NO!” His body SMASHED onto a stalagmite!

“DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, GROWN-UP DEATH!” The kids chorused as more adults had sequentially crashed or smashed.

“WOOHOOOO!” Skaios cheered, the other racers leagues behind him. Today was another good day for racing and he was bound to win. But just as he launched off a ramp… it happened.

A kart-shaped shadow was cast over him. His eye widened, surprised that a racer could fly higher than him. And the one responsible appeared to be… a 9-year-old girl with candy in her ponytailed hair?

Time seemed to slow as Vanellope’s candy kart flew over Skaios, upside-down as the child greeted the captain with a smirk and salute. Her kart was right-side-up as it reunited with the track. Skaios’ eye locked on the new arrival and was filled with a new determination to outrace her.

Masaru’s ability is actually inspired from the baseball items in Smash Ultimate. That Mario Kart 8 song was written by brentalfloss. And that ship comes from A Hat in Time’s Arctic Cruise level, perhaps one of the most pleasant worlds in any videogame! Next time, we’ll explore the Free Kingdom proper.

…

…

“Egg.”

Chapter Text

Let’s begin our first chapter of 2019, ladies and gentlemen! Oh, and for future reference, Skaios is voiced by Charlyne Yi, so he sounds like Ruby from SU.

Free Kingdom; a few hours ago

The Sunny Day calmly passed through the oxygen bubble of one of the floating islands. There were spotlights directing them to a landing pad, where pirates awaited them. It was only natural they wouldn’t just let anyone in without a brief checkup. The operatives docked at the landing pad as the pirates, who were dressed in White Lotus uniforms, led them inside. “General Dio, these are all the passengers on the pirate ship. They’re Sector V of the Kids Next D-”

“’ang on now, when we’re on that baby, we’re called the Raccoon Pirates.” Sheila corrected. “And Ah’m the captain, Sheila the Sunny Fist!”

“The Raccoon Pirates?” a voice spoke from the darkness. Upon searching for the source, the kids saw a single eye gazing from the ceiling. “Yes, I know of them. They’re the ones who destroyed the former Big Mom.” The figure opened a black and red cape and glided to the floor. He was a blonde man with a bandaged right eye, yellow overalls, and vampire fangs.

Sheila PUNCHED the vampire in the jaw with a Light Sphere. “AAAH, IT’S DIO! He’s the bloke that worked for the Thirteen Darknesses!”

“NO NO NO!” Dio shouted, waving hands frantically. “My name is Dio Verando! Ugh, I get sick of being compared to that character. And I’ll never forgive Vaati for giving me a vampire Devil Fruit! He did it on purpose because he knew it would tick me off!”

“Okay, okay, Sheila’s sorry, Dio.” Aurora said. “But you’re with the White Lotus?”

“I actually remember you!” Vanellope beamed. “I think Dad helped you on one of his missions. You remember Mr. York?”

“Yes, I do remember. And yes, I am a White Lotus officer. Sometime after our battle with the Inferius army, Vaati went missing, and we learned about this band of pirates that were stealing entire islands. Their captain seemed extremely similar to Vaati, so we joined them in the hopes of finding him. If you’re here, then I assume you’re on a mission?”

“We were hoping to speak to Skaios. He is the captain of this crew, right?” Aurora asked.

“Well, right now a boy named Masaru is captain. But the crew is basically dependent on Skaios.” Dio led the operatives outside, viewing a plain of monstrous mutant animals. When the sun touched Dio, he reverted to a human form. “Although the ‘rules’ of this kingdom are based on our own personal morals, there is a primary requirement that all residents here need: a rebellious spirit.”

“Seems rather ambiguous.” Chris said.

“Skaios is able to smell a rebellious heart inside anyone and he tends to find kinship with them. Even if you’re just visiting, new arrivals have to embrace the freedom of this kingdom by taking part in our games. For instance, in a few hours, we’ll be holding a race, starting on this island.”

“For real?!” Vanellope exclaimed. “You’re gonna have a race?! Hot dog, sign me up! I’m gonna blow everyone away, just you watch me!”

“Are you sure? Skaios himself will be taking part, and believe me, he gets pretty violent.”

“Violent, shmiolent.” Sheila remarked. “Vanel, you show ’em how it’s done. And remember, this is your first mission as a Raccoon Pirate.”

“Aye-aye, Captain Sheila!”

“Very well.” Dio said. “I’ll take you to our garage, so you can-”

“Not necessary, I already have a car.”

Present time; after the race began (Play “Mario Kart Stadium” from MK8!)

Upon exiting the wind tunnel, the race resumed through Goldpaw! Statues threw giant die onto the road, but with key timing, Vanellope glitched around the die. Skaios, meanwhile, grabbed the die in his airbending and threw them at two ? Blocks above roofs. His first Power-up was a Piranha Plant, which attached to the front of his car as he sped up toward Vanel. The candy girl glitchwarped to dodge the plant’s bites, seizing a ? Block of her own. She earned an Item Swipe and smirked, glitching behind Skaios. “HAH HAR! Ye coward!” the captain taunted. Vanel waited for his Piranha to vanish, eying up at the roofs. She fired the Item Swipe just an instant before it vanished, and stole Skaios’ remaining item, the Spring Pad.

With this, Vanellope sprung herself up to the roofs, finding a secret route along the back of a dragon statue. She raced along the winding path with confidence, but that was before a Green Shell hit her. Masaru and Yuta’s Monokubs bypassed the Program girl, and was then hit by Kotoko’s Tanuki tail. An angry Vanellope glitched to chase them, dodging fire spires as the road became wider. She hit a ? Block and earned a Blooper, sending it to ink the other racers. The dragon road went up a loop that curved sideways, but because of the ink, Yuta and Masaru continuously slipped and bumped before taking the fall. With a smirk, Vanellope went up the loop and took off on a ramp.

She glided across a large chunk of the track, but was on a collision course to Goldpaw’s central river. The track continued underwater, but Vanel glitched herself onto the surface path to stay safe. Nagisa used a Bullet Bill to close in on Vanel, the girl glitching behind him with a gasp. “What?!” Nagisa briefly glanced back, shocked that she dodged his direct hit, but he bumped into the corner turn. Vanellope made it over the river and passed him, and she saw Skaios eating ramen at an outdoor restaurant. Vanellope rolled her eyes and zoomed past him, the captain giving nary a hoot.

Vanel hit another ? Block as she flew through the next Sky Tunnel. The roulette landed on Quagmire. “Huh?” When she triggered the item, another kart with Glenn Quagmire poofed beside her. “Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity…” He repeated, shaking in his seat. Vanellope dodged meteors and Quagmire seemed to stay beside her with little trouble. They were exiting the tunnel into Inkopolis, catching up with Kotoko’s Monokub. When they neared the female, Quagmire suddenly drove up to her and, “Gooooooo!” swiped her off the kart before driving Who-Knows-Where.

Weird item, Vanellope thought, but it earned her the lead position—she heard a weird “Wah wah WAH WAH” sound before a Blue Shell CRASHED into her! Skaios immediately bumped her aside at breakneck speed, and Vanel hastily got back in the game. Behind her, the Hope Pirates were catching up, each armed with items: Masaru chucked a Bob-omb that Vanel dodged, but with his power, the bomb warped right above her and exploded, causing the crew to pass her. Monaca’s Monokub had Peter Griffin selected as an item. When she triggered it, a cockpit appeared on her kart, and Peter laughed “Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!” as he rapidly fired a Gatling at all the racers behind her.

Vanellope expertly dodged the bullets with glitchwarps and secured an item: a lightning bolt. Without waiting, she zapped and shrunk the Monokubs, but Jataro had used a Power Star to make himself invincible and abandon his team. Vanellope passed the others, driving over a road covered in colored ink. The tiny Monokubs were shot by sprinklers shooting paintballs. Vanellope saw a secret tunnel that sloped down under one of the buildings, camouflaged with the ink. She drove up and around the slippery tunnel, growing dizzy as it made some turns. She was in 1st place upon exiting, giving her confidence—

Vanellope gasped when she realized an ink cyclone was chasing her, and Skaios was underneath it. Skaios tried to swing the cyclone into her, destroying a few buildings in the process. Vanellope glitchwarped with keen timing, and she snagged a ? Block with a banana. She quickly threw the peel back, causing Skaios to swerve rampantly and crash, demolishing three buildings with bending. Vanellope drove to a road of ink fountains, using some to propel herself to an upper road with a glide ramp. She glided over an area where large tentacles stretched out of pipes, watching as one of them snatched Nagisa’s Monokub.

Skaios furiously zoomed across the road, washing his crewmates with waves of paint. He and Vanellope flew through a Sky Tunnel as the captain swirled it. Vanellope screamed, her body glitching as her pixels became distorted in the wind. The Hope Pirates parked their karts for a moment, not wanting to suffer in the torrent. The tunnel spat them out over Strong Island, with Vanel going far off course. She almost hit the earth on her head, but glitched right-side-up and got back on track.

Skaios drove up a green scaly road, which revealed to be a Land Gator, roaring as it tried to eat Vanel, who glitched up and drove on its back. After landing, she chased Skaios through a field of Don Mantises, giant mantises that targeted racers and sliced with scythe hands. Vanellope evaded their scythes and grabbed a ? Block, earning a Super Horn. Skaios used his wind to blow away a swarm of Army Ants, and she used the horn to scatter the ants as well.

“Ugh, this race is terrible.” Chris said.

“But Vanellope is doing great!” Artie replied.

“Yeah, but look at all the last-place racers.”

An Inkling had gotten ahead of three adults and used a Peter Gatling to shoot them dead. Two adults were forcing their karts into each other, and one behind them used a Piranha Plant to eat their heads off, enabling him to get ahead. Five adults were avoiding meteors in a Sky Tunnel, but a woman behind was secretly targeting them, waiting for them to get perfectly aligned. Then, she fired a Blue Shell and sent them flying out of the tunnel.

Skaios was nearing the finish line, and Vanellope desperately glitchwarped at every possible interval, and was lucky enough to snag a Triple Mushroom. She heard the “wah wah WAH” and barely dodged the Blue Shell, then she spammed her Mushrooms to catch up. The shell rammed Skaios’ kart, the captain bouncing haphazardly toward the Finish. In just a single second, Vanellope mixed speed with glitches and got above Skaios, just after he crossed the Finish, and just as Skaios flipped right-side-up, Vanellope SQUISHED his head under her kart. (End song.)

Sector V flinched, averting their eyes. It was at this point, they knew they screwed up. Skaios’ kart slowed to a halt, his head flat as a pancake. “Oh, man…” Vanellope fearfully approached him. “Uh… are you dead? If not, I’m really sorry… for squishing your head.”

“CAPTAIN SKAIOS!” The six Hope Pirates raced over. “Murderer! You killed our 1st captain!” Masaru yelled.

“Oh, Captain Skaios, if only it had been me.” Jataro moaned. “If only my hideous, disgusting head were squished. I bet it would smell like a hundred stink bugs. Well, I better start praying for him.” He folded his sleeved hands and spoke, “O Captain Skaios, we wish you safe passage into the afterli-”

“YAHOOOOO! Smash me brain cells and call me Flapjack!” Skaios re-inflated and exuberantly skipped to Vanellope’s side. “I never had me neck-n-neck with another racer worth their grit!”

“You’ve been racing with amateurs!” Vanel retorted, throwing her regret aside. “I was born on a racetrack! And since then, I never knew anything BUT racing! I mean, I did learn how to hack computers and junk, but HOLY COW, I feel like I have actual BLOOD!”

“AYE, ME TOO, MATEY! Eh…” It was only then Skaios noticed something odd about this new racer: “Who are ye?”

“Oh, my name’s Vanellope. From Sector V-”

“SHE MEANS THE RACCOON PIRATES!” Sheila outbursted as the rest of her team arrived.

“No she didn’t!” Masaru shouted. “I heard Sector V! You’re Kids Next Door operatives!”

“Not just any operatives.” Nagisa said with a glare. “You’re Earth’s most famous sector. Captain, they’re obviously here to spy on us.”

“No doubt about it. Ay say we take ’em to the brig.”

“Hold on, the brig is only reserved for government lackeys!” Skaios stated. “The KND are as free as we pirates. Well, a bit less rebellious, but they’re as welcome here as anyone else.”

“That’s good to hear, Captain, because we were hoping we could form a pact.” Aurora said.

“’ey, I’m not the captain, he is!”

“Actually, Masaru’s time is up.” Nagisa said, taking the hat. “I’m the Sky God Captain now.”

“All hail 36th Captain Shingetsu,” Jataro saluted, “who was also formerly the 22nd captain.”

“Ufufufu! We have high expectations of you, Captain!” Monaca teased.

“Um, y-yes.” Nagisa flushed. “Anyway, what kind of pact were you thinking?”

“The thing is,” Haruka answered, “a lot of our sectors have been getting captured by other Yonko, and our Supreme Leader has been away on extended training. Since you’re against the other Yonko too, we were thinking you would be our best chance at saving them.”

“True, I can’t stand those fake pirates.” Skaios replied. “True pirates are supposed to be free, but all they care about is ruling as many worlds as possible, and robbing people of their freedom. Ay wouldn’t mind teaching them a lesson! But Skaios accepts no favors from non-pirates.”

“Oi, we are real pirates!” Sheila shouted.

“Ay believe you, Lassie, but only when I sees it will I believes it. Skaios only grants favors to those who embrace Sky God Pirate lifestyle! If ye can prove yer grit in our games, THEN I can consider ya true maties!”

“Very well, so be it.” Aurora complied. “What kind of games did you have in mind?”

“We have Turf Wars in Inkopolis, Death Gauntlets in Towa City, and we have old fashioned brawls in Orchid City. Oh, and we can’t forget Eating Contests; those’re up in me flagship. Speakin’ o’ which, I’m feelin’ a wee bit starved. Talk to ya later, laddies! Explore the kingdom to yer heart’s content!” Skaios took off toward the Santa Hylia, a gigantic mechanical galleon.

Nagisa sighed in disbelief. “You’re lucky that our founder is so open-minded. However, I’ll be keeping my eye on you.”

“Great, so you mind answering a question?” Chris asked. “Who the hell’s going to clean that up?!” He whipped his finger at the racetrack, indicating the crashed cars and corpses. “Do you just casually sacrifice your crewmen on a daily basis?”

“Those aren’t our crewmen. They’re our prisoners.”

“Prisoners?!” Haruka exclaimed.

“Whether they’re from one of our islands, or a town that we raided, every place in the universe has awful people. You KND should know it better than anybody: evil adults that abuse children, torture them, leave them out in the woods, sell them for money, or… other things.” Nagisa hesitated, and the sectormates could see the distraught looks on the other kids’ faces (except Monaca). “Our spies investigate common households and businesses in search of that corruption. Then, we liberate the children oppressed and give them bliss in our Free Kingdom. The evil adults, as you see, are forced to compete in our games. Their survival depends on their victory.”

“But prisoners who perform really well climb the class ladder.” Monaca explained. “Improved living, improved cooking, and some have the honor of becoming our servants.”

“But that completely defeats the purpose of a Free Kingdom!” Aurora stated.

“Ufufu. Don’t you know the expression, ‘If everyone’s special, then no one is special’? The same applies to freedom. That’s why we need prisoners to remind citizens how precious their freedom is. Besides, those same adults tried to rob freedom of others, so the only way to help them value freedom is by taking THEIR freedom! It’s reverse psychology!”

“It’s utter hypocrisy.” Mason remarked.

“NO!” An infuriated Monaca began shaking her fists. “It! Is! A perfect! System! Where politics! And anarchy! Coexist! In perfect! Harmony!”

“No, please don’t be upset, Monaca!” Kotoko pled. “Your system is flawless! Why, it’s downright ingenious! Only someone as smart as you could come up with it.”

“Y-Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Mason replied in shame. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“Yeah, Mason can be pretty… WAIT, why are we apologizing?!” Haruka shouted.

“Monaca will forgive you, Mason.” The handicapped child rolled up and hugged him. “Monaca hopes we can be good friends.”

“Yeah… me too.” Mason gently patted her back. The others could only watch in confusion.

They released as Monaca said, “Hoo. Racing games sure make Monaca sleepy. Jataro, would you be so kind as to roll Monaca to her private quarters?”

“Of course, Monaca. You’re so kind for acting like I have value in this world.” On that note, the masked boy rolled his friend away.

“Hey, Captain Nagisa, mind if I give these guys a quick tour?” Yuta offered. “It’s gonna be awhile until the next games start.”

“If you say so, Yuta. I’ll go collect status reports. You two can come help.” He, Masaru, and Kotoko left.

“So yeah, my name’s Yuta!” the boy grinned. “Mind if I ask your names?”

The 11 teammates took turns introducing their selves. “Ma-son…” Yuta seemed to “write” the names on his palm with his finger. “Ha-ru… Is it spelled with a ‘c’ or a ‘k’?”

“Um, ‘k’? What are you doing?” Haruka asked.

“It’s easy for me to remember someone’s name by pretending to write it a few times. I actually feel a little embarrassed.” Yuta blushed. “Not only are you guys KND celebrities, but… you two are the children of Nigel Uno!” With a beaming face, Yuta shook both Chris and Aurora’s hands. “Which means you’re also related to Eva, the Sea Princess!”

“You’re a fan of Aunt Eva?” Chris asked.

“Absolutely! My dad is from Adabat, a tribe that worships the Sea God. He told us about the time Princess Eva visited his home island. My sister and I are super devout followers of Kyogre, and our dream was always to meet his descendants.”

“Ah, I see. You just want us to introduce you to Melody?” Chris smirked.

“That’s Eva’s daughter, right? Hehe, that… would be nice.”

“Maybe if your captain agrees to help save our friends, we’ll return the favor.”

“That would be amazing, thank you! So, shall we begin the tour?”

“Yeh, you blokes ’ave fun with that.” Sheila replied. “C’mon, First Mate, let’s go exploring!”

“Aye-aye, Captain!” Mason was dragged off, moving his feet as fast as possible to keep up with her.

“Hahaha! It’s not a Free Kingdom without freedom!” Yuta laughed.

Saint Rosalina

“Attention, passengews.” a seal announced through the intercom. “Due to ouw ship having been commandeewed by space piwates, our cwuise has taken an unexpected detouw. Until we can make a safe weturn home, we have no choice but to assimiwate with said piwates. So, evewybody gwab a gun and a sword and begin adapting to the scurvy lifestyle.” The seal picked up a machinegun and cocked it.

Sector MG and Cheadle had been locked in one of the brig’s cells, with the exception of Romeo and Kiki. Wendy was curled up in the corner and sobbing, for her natural reaction to such defeat was only despair. “Why do so many bad things happen to me?! Why do I always get my friends into trouble?”

“Geez, lighten up, Cry Mage.” Phil remarked. “How is it your fault those crazy kids ruined our cruise?”

“Still, this is an awful place for a princess.” Cheadle said. “Why couldn’t they take Maria to the medical wing as well?!”

“I’m not a princess!”

“Hush, Maria!”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“I’M NOT YOUR MOMMY!” the chancellor flushed.

“Yes, it does seem a tad too cramped in there.” a man’s voice said.

Wendy gasped, her tears quickly drying at hearing the familiar voice. The cell opened, and in stepped a silver-haired Minish in a dark cape. “D-Dad!”

“Why do we always reunite under such bizarre circumstances, Wendy? My, but I see you’ve made some new friends. I bet you kids have no idea my precious daughter used to look like this!” He showed them a baby picture of Wendy, the latter reddening. “Look at how small she is! And now she’s so big and strong! And what a figure, all the boys will be on her in a year!”

“DAAAAAD, you’re embarrassing me!”

Cheadle grabbed Vaati’s neck in a Haki hand. “If I recall, you’re the man that sent Maria’s sister to attack me. How dare you corrupt that poor girl!”

“Ack! At least I was a better father figure than Bowser!” he choked.

“Mr. Vaati, where is Louise, anyway?” Maria asked.

Cheadle decided to release him as he answered, “She actually left on a mission somewhere on the planet; we’re still over Mushroom World. Anyway, I didn’t mean any harm on you, but as my mission is to rid the worlds of governments, you were not exempt. But seeing as you were a kinder ruler, I planned to show mercy.”

“You oughta find something nicer to do.” Oliver replied.

“That being said, it seems trying to strip you of your title is no longer necessary. Have you seen Intergalactic News?” Vaati handed her a newspaper.

The Mobian dog’s fur seemed to turn pale at the headline: “Th-This…This can’t be right! ‘Planet Mobius under siege by the Kremling Krew’?! ‘King Kroctus soon to be Mobius’ new ruler’?! There’s no way such a massive attack could happen in the four days I was gone!”

“Evidently, it has. But rest assured, Kroctus is high on our list of targets.”

“You will take me back to Mobius RIGHT NOW!”

“In the condition it’s in now, you would be destroyed. Besides, the law up here is, once you’ve been brought to the Free Kingdom, you must embrace our freedom before we do any favors for you. That’s why I’m releasing you all; I’ll take you to see your injured friends, too.”

“Well, I for one have had enough freedom for one lifetime.” Wendy said firmly. “And you have no right to take all these passengers away from their homes. Let them go now!”

“Then I must ask a favor of you, Wendy.”

“Grrrrr, what?!”

Vaati bent down and whispered directly in her ear, “Help me do something about Skaios!”

“W…What?” Wendy didn’t expect such a demand.

“When I came back and realized the White Lotus teamed up with another freedom-obsessed anarchist, I was beyond thrilled. I thought I finally found my soul mate! But Skaios… he…he’s freaking nuts! ! With everyone throwing the captain’s hat around, there’s absolutely no organization. Most of these people have no common sense; letting the mutant animals loose in the towns, setting fires, and all the children are having too much fun killing prisoners. It’s… quite disturbing, actually. Honestly, it’s making me rethink my entire identity. And Skaios himself can’t help but destroy any town he swoops by, and on occasion he’ll accidentally kill a crewmate out of excitement.”

“Well, then… he certainly seems like a threat, but Skaios is really powerful, right?”

“Yes, he is. Every time we try to read his Power Level, our Scouter breaks. But what I do know is he isn’t immortal. …Oh, and you might like to know, Wendy: recently, we added the town of Orchid Bay to our kingdom.”

“Orchid Bay? Isn’t that…” Wendy’s expression lit up in realization, “YOU MEAN JUNE IS HERE?!”

“I thought you’d might like to see her. Believe me, June is really enjoying her newfound freedom.”

Skaios’ Dining Room

A pond-sized pizza was prepared for the little captain, but the cheese and anchovies flowed into his mouth like a river. “So, I take it the pizza is to your liking?” asked an Italian chef with a mustache, a tad repulsed by his demeanor.

“Onn-hon! Ish guud!” Skaios mumbled.

A pair of eyes appeared on Skaios’ shadow, one orange and one white. They, too, were disgusted by his gluttony. The shadow seemed to grow into a solid form with colors: it was Midna, the Twilight Princess. “Captain Skaios.”

“WARRGH!” With a start, Skaios blew a gust at the chef, beheading him. They watched as he fell dead. “Arrr… darn it. Don’t scare me like that, ya… oh?” Skaios was intrigued by her goth appearance. “Ye certainly are an eye-catcher.” Her eyes were especially pretty.

“And that pirate accent is totally fake. Now that I’ve gotten a good look at you… I know for sure. You really are a god.”

“Aye, but I’m a god who don’t think himself above mortals. Skaios happily welcomes you as a friend!”

“We’re not just friends, Skaios: we’re kin.”

“K…Kin?”

“I’m a Firstborn. And so are you. Skaios, the Firstborn of Sky… without a doubt, you’re one of the Newborn.”

“Newborn? I haven’t been called that since…” Skaios didn’t want to bring up the painful memory. “Wait, does that mean you know about me?”

“All I know is you were born during the New Big Bang. I don’t really know your personal history, but there are others like you.”

“And what of it?”

“From what I gathered, each of you Newborn are plagued with a strange darkness. You’ve proven yourselves menaces to mankind.”

“I KNOW what you’re after!” Skaios spawned a tornado and hovered above Midna imposingly. “You were sent by the gods to come and lock me away! Well, tell your masters to piss off! I’ll NEVER be your prisoner!”

“Calm down! I’m not here to lock you away, I just wanted to talk. I think I should try to understand you.”

“Hurrr…” Skaios calmly sank to the floor. Down there, he realized Midna was three times his size. “Out with it then.”

“Why, exactly, did the gods want to lock you away?”

“It’s just as you said, I was dangerous. I had what ya call ‘individuality,’ something that’s frowned upon in the Spirit World.”

“Did that individuality involve harming mortals?”

“No!” But it was then they acknowledged the dead chef a few feet away. “Er, n-not intentionally, anyway. But hey, mortals kill one-another all the time, but even when they’re killed, they just become spirits—GET YER ARSE AWAY FROM HIM!” He saw a Reaper approaching the dead body and struck him with a wind that blew him off the atmosphere. “That’s why mortals should have no fear of death.”

“The Number One rule of a god is to have restraint!” Midna argued. “We are required to watch over mortals and watch them grow and struggle, but flaunting our powers as we please will drastically hinder that growth. The fact is, mortals don’t stand a chance to our full power.”

“Well, Skaios is different! He’s equal to mortals and sees them as friends and enemies. If they don’t stand a chance, then explain me eye!”

“You mean that fake eyepatch?”

“It’s not a fake! Skaios just wanted to spare them the gross imagery! See?” He lifted the patch, exposing the dead black socket.

Midna nearly hurled. “But that…that can’t be right.” Midna slowly reached and placed a gentle hand over the socket. “I feel… nothing. Your body is brimming with God Chi, but this spot… is completely dead.”

“Ye have only the scurvy swordsman to blame, right before I keelhauled him. I have since used this mark to remind me that I am equal to mortals.”

“You don’t understand! If a god so much as loses an arm, it will grow back. A god can only die if they have children, and even then, they can still self-heal if they aren’t completely destroyed, but this eye… it’s completely dead. What kind of weapon did this?”

“It was a sword of some kind, I don’t know.” He put the patch down. “I’m going to get more pizza; either enjoy the festivities or leave, it’s a free country.” The captain flew away before Midna could get out another word.

“Ugh.” Midna placed a hand over her sun eye. “Still, it’s not like I’m much different. Our 2nd Age forms are extremely vulnerable. But Skaios seemed to still be in his 1st Age. How strange…”

Flower Island

“Welcome to the first destination of our tour!” Yuta announced as he led Sector V onto an island with a feudal Japanese town. “Flower Island, from the Planet Historia. This place used to live under the oppression of a corrupt shogun. That is, until WE came along, hehe!…” He seemed to laugh awkwardly.

“This place is kinda beautiful.” Aurora said as they observed the town of colorful buildings, sakura blossoms in the air, and the lovely yukatas, kimonos, etc. that adorned the historical people. “I bet you can get into this one, Kirie!”

But I don’t think I’ve heard of Historia. Have we ever been there? Kirie Beatles asked in sign language.

“Now that you mention it,” Haruka replied, “Historia is one of the New Planets. There’s supposed to be some law where we aren’t allowed to land on it without going through a travel agency. We’re not supposed to bring ‘modern’ items onto the world to maintain its historical environment.”

“Yeah, that’s why the pirates decided to attack this world.” Yuta replied. “They believe that Historia should be open to the modern universe and vice-versa. This Flower Island is designed to be the representative.”

“And how did these people feel about being abducted?” Chris asked.

However, it seemed their question was answered as they passed through a wide street, met with the cold scowls of the native folk. “They aren’t entirely used to having visitors. Which is probably to be expected, since the pirates turned this place into a Japanese theme park. Things get pretty noisy. And messy.”

They stopped to listen to the pleasant sounds of a guitar-like instrument. There was a purple-haired woman playing a biwa, her purple hair braided with skulls. The woman, Benten wore a light-blue robe with a purple sash and star designs. She was 7 feet tall and rather lean in her knelt position. “Kirie, what kind of instrument is that?” Haruka asked.

What, just because I’m Japanese, I’m supposed to know EVERYTHING about this place?

“Sorry, I was just-”

Well, it’s called a biwa. In the old days, they used it for storytelling. Kirie explained with an innocent smile, forsaking her false frustration.

“Ah…hehe, thank you.”

“Hey, you said they made this place a theme park, right?” Vanellope asked. “C’mon, Dillon, let’s see if they have anything cool!” The Program zipped away giddily.

“Vanellope, wait!” The shadowbender raced after her.

“Well, we are supposed to play games to gain approval with them, right?” Aurora asked. “Would playing games here increase our score?”

“I don’t see why not!” Yuta beamed. “In fact, here’s a directory right here.” He led them over to a poster board beside Benten. The map appeared to be drawn with crayon, written in Japanese. Yuta translated the names.

“Kirie, I bet you’ll do great at the Shuriken Dojo!” Haruka said, earning a nod of agreement from the mute.

“Ooo, what about the Samurai Dojo?” Harry asked. “Chris, you kinda know how to use a sword, right?”

“Yeah, I spar with Weiss and Makava sometimes. It’s certainly not my forte, but I’ll try it!”

“In that case,” Aurora said, “let’s split up and cover these areas. Afterwards, I want everyone to meet up so we can continue the tour. This is still a Pirate Emperor’s territory, so we can’t stay apart for too long.”

“Got that right.” Haylee nodded. “Good luck, team!”

As the teammates went separate directions, Benten narrowed her eyes on the newcomers. Her fellow ninjas, Yazaemon and Kazekage (from One Piece) examined the operatives from the rooftops. “They’re separating. Should we try to subdue them?” Yazaemon asked, his red eyes peering through his mummy mask, a veil of straw over his body.

“They are no doubt Kids Next Door.” Kazekage spoke while clenching a blue scroll in his teeth. He wore a pink kimono and had wild light-brown hair. “We’ll let them roam for now… but remain vigilant.”

“I can’t understand you with that thing in your mouth, you know.”

“Check it out, Dillon!” Vanellope pointed. “It’s a photo booth! Let’s go make dumb faces!”

“Haha, there’s something I can get behind!” Dillon beamed, racing into the wood building.

The photo booth used a film camera set on a tripod, aimed at a white background. There was a 19-year boy, Gen, with monochrome hair dressed in a pink shogun’s robe. He smiled charmingly as the camera-girl, Saraba, snapped the camera. The photo printed out an image of Gen standing before a dragon throne room. “So, do you like it?” Saraba asked, her tone and expression melancholy. Her gray hair and blue robe complimented her frail demeanor.

“Ahh, the contrast is splendid, and such fresh detail.” Gen praised. “Though, it’s so detailed… that I’m starting to make out ripples in the robe. Can I get this ironed out, so we can try again?”

“But we’ve done this six times…”

“Hello!” Vanellope greeted, startling the camera-girl. “We want our pictures taken!”

“I can’t believe feudal Japan had photo booths like this.” Dillon said.

Gen seemed to cock a brow at the duo. “Well, it’d be awfully ude-ray of me to hold up the line. I suppose I’ll be going now!” He sported a polite smile to the newcomers as he exited, Dillon looking suspiciously.

“Okay, well… pick your uniforms and a background, I guess.” Saraba instructed half-heartedly.

First, Dillon and Vanel dressed as samurai, crouched and glaring at each other as they prepared to draw swords against a twilight background. They performed the slash just as the camera snapped. “No, you’re supposed to stay still!” Saraba said. “Now we have to take it again.”

“Let’s pick a different one!” Vanel cheered. Saraba sighed in dismay.

They dressed as classic ninjas, eyes narrowed behind their masks. But when the camera snapped, they pulled off their masks to reveal goofy faces. Vanellope dressed as a geisha dancer with face paint, Dillon bowing humbly. But they switched to rockstar poses when the camera snapped. “Hehe, we look like ghosts in all of these!” Vanellope laughed.

“That’s because you keep moving!” Saraba pouted. “And her body keeps flashing blue, for some reason.”

“That’s an involuntary twitch!” Vanellope glitched. “Though it was 100% voluntary in this context.”

“If you guys are just gonna tease me, can you please just go?”

“Okay, okay, we’re sorry…” Dillon apologized. “We’ll stay still this time.”

“Uh, I won’t! Nananananana!” Vanel began zipping around the room.

“I need to get more film, anyway…” She halfheartedly walked over to the closet.

“Is something wrong?” Dillon asked, his adopted sister still acting crazy. “You sound a little bummed out.”

“Not really. Just another day in the life.”

“Dillon, check this out!” Vanellope appeared with an empty black hilt with a wreath of gold flowers around its end. “It’s a hilt with no sword!”

“Hey, give me that!” Saraba took the hilt back. “This is an important…who’m I kidding, this thing is useless. No wonder they kicked me out.”

“Kicked you out of what?”

“I used to be part of the Yunari Samurais. Well, we’re the Red Leaf Samurais now. My specialty was supposed to be illusions, but… this is all I’m good for.” Saraba performed some hand motions, and it seemed she had split into three clones, but two of them were notably wavy.

“Yeah, I can… see the flaws in your craft.” Dillon said.

“But Commander Uchiha decided I wasn’t very good, so now I just do menial jobs. Like this.” She got some film and began to install it in the camera.

“Well, that’s not fair. I mean, illusions are still cool, what can those other guys do?”

“Well, Uron uses an electric dagger to enhance his speed and power; Maniwa wields a really heavy sword; Akatsuki wields a thousand swords; Kairo has an unbreakable suit of armor…”

“Mmm, that’s pretty impressive…” Dillon mumbled. Behind him, his shadow, Mario was scribbling these down on a notebook. “Um, what do these guys look like again?”

“Why do you wanna know that?”

“I just like learning about samurai and… stuff. What about ninjas, any ninjas in this crew? Those are cool.”

Saraba sighed once more.

…

Yuta had followed Haruka and Kirie to the Shuriken Dojo, with several of the bladed stars stuck into its signboard. Inside the building was a fence dividing them from a longer, wider room. “So, does anybody run this-” Haruka asked before-

“YOOHOO!” A pink-robed girl pounced over the fence like a rabbit, flowers in her blonde hair. “Here to play the Shuriken Game?”

“They sure are, Chome!” Yuta grinned. “Guys, this is Chome. She’s one of the Red Leaf Nin-”

“Shhhhhh! We’re supposed to be a secret~” Chome whispered, her 3-shaped smile unchanging. “Who’m I kidding, everyone knows us, don’t be silly!”

Are you a shuriken master, Miss Chome?

“I sure am!” Chome signed back.

“Oh, you know sign language!” Haruka perked up.

“Yeah, all ninjas have to learn it. So, who wants to play me?”

ME me!

“Okay, Me-Me! Let’s see what you got!” Chome leapt to the right end of the fence and Kirie took the left. Both had a large stack of shuriken to work with. The ninja pulled a rope, signaling several Monokumas to begin running across the room, each with numbers representing their score. Kirie rolled up her sleeves in order to properly grasp and throw the stars, but Chome was swiftly spotting and striking all the high-scored targets.

“Wow, Kirie’s a natural at this!” Yuta praised.

“Yeah, shurikens are her specialty.” Haruka replied, eying the scoreboard. “But Chome is well-trained herself. I’m a little worried.”

“Ah, it’s okay. As long as Kirie has fun, that’s all that matters. It’s not like losing this game would mean dea-”

“Oh, here come the bonus points!” Chome alerted.

Right on cue, a woman ran across the field, being prodded by a Monokuma’s electric rod. Chome tossed a shuriken at her hip. “OH MY GOD!” Haruka screamed in horror.

“What?!” Yuta panicked. “Th-This wasn’t part of the game! Chome, what…”

“That Monaca girl said she had some extra prisoners and suggested I use them in this game. It’s a lot more fun!” Chome cheered as she threw a shuriken at a boy in his late teens.

Her eyes curving in anger, Kirie tossed a shuriken to intercept Chome’s and save the boy from injury. The Beatles girl leapt onto the fence and stood over the cute-faced ninja. No! I don’t know what these people did, but they don’t deserve this! I’m not playing this game!

“Oh. Then I guess I’ll just play myself.”

No, I challenge you to a different game. This time, you and me will throw at each other! First one to score three cuts wins! And if I win, you have to let these people go!

“Hmmm…okay! But if I win… well, I guess you’ll just die instead.”

You’re on!

“Kirie!” Haruka yelled.

Relax, Haruka, I got this bitch.

“Er…yeah. You can do it.” Haruka shook off her worry and nodded. “I’ll go treat that woman.” She rushed onto the field.

Kirie and Chome assumed stances, the former’s narrowed, mismatched eyes meeting Chome’s wide, innocent eyes. Both made the first throw, their shurikens bouncing off each other, and they began side-leaping as the stars kept flying. Yuta peeped over the fence- “Ahh!” but ducked before a shuriken hit him. Chome leapt closer, Kirie tossed one at her leg, but Chome brought that leg up and tossed a shuriken at Kirie. Kirie made a silent yelp and fled, holding the cut for a second. Chome maneuvered closer, alternating between left and right throws. Kirie dodged and gestured left, tricking Chome into going right so the Beatles could score a cut.

Kirie ran up the field, tossing shurikens backward, but Chome leapt them like a rabbit and tossed shurikens ahead of Kirie. Kirie stopped before stepping on them, and when Chome performed the next leap, she ran under the ninja. Kirie tossed and was able to cut Chome’s right leg, but Kirie accidentally stepped on a star, piercing her shoe. She twirled on the other foot to dodge shurikens, then Chome dashed up for a direct attack. Kirie leapt up and threw, but Chome dodged and threw a cut to Kirie’s hip, letting out another silent yelp. “Haha! I win! Looks like I get to kill these prisoners—AAH!” Kirie tossed a shuriken into her right stomach.

No, I win! You only cut me twice! But that one shuriken didn’t get to my foot! Kirie pulled off her shoe, revealing her unpunctured sole.

“That’s not fair! Clothes should count, too! I win!”

Hey, is that a spooky ghostie? Kirie pointed.

“GHOSTIE?!” Chome whipped around in panic. Kirie ran up and dealt chi-block punches to the ninja’s limbs and back, making her numb as she fell on her front.

As Haruka treated Chome’s and Kirie’s injuries, Yuta freed the prisoners as they were quick to run away. “I’m really sorry about this! Really…”

“Come on, let’s go see how the others are doing.” Haru said. “Sigh…I’m starting to have second thoughts about these guys.”

Samurai Dojo

Chris and Aurora approached a building with swords stabbed into its Japanese signboard. “Well, I reckon this is the place.” Aurora said. “I wonder what kind of skilled samurai they have in this place?”

“It’s probably one of those games where you have to swing the sword right when the button prompt shows up or something.”

“Heh, I suppose! It wouldn’t be a fair game if it was too realistic.”

The siblings pushed open the door and… found 10 samurai lain defeated on the floor. “Uwaaah…such disgrace.” Maniwa grunted. “Er, the dojo is temporarily closed.” He said to the new visitors.

The Unos craned their heads up to see who was responsible: a short, blue, round, purple-winged creature in a silver knight’s mask. Meta Knight slashed his blade across the air before sheathing it. “Hm?” He then acknowledged the visitors. “Ah, were you here to play the Samurai Game? My apologies, but I got a tad carried away. You may have to come back tomorrow.”

“Hey, I recognize that guy!” Chris exclaimed. “He’s from our parents’ stories… You’re Meta Knight!”

“You are familiar with me?” Meta flapped his wings and flew closer, having to look up at the tall teens. “As a matter of fact, I recognize you as well. You are the children of Nigel Uno! Chris and Aurora, correct?”

“Yes!” Aurora beamed. “Hah, wow, I didn’t think we would run into an old acquaintance.”

“It is our first meeting, and yet I feel a sense of familiarity with you as well. Pray, tell me, what are you doing here? The Kids Next Door would not come here on a mere pleasure cruise.”

“We’ve been having problems with the other Emperors.” Chris answered. “So, we’re trying to form an alliance with Skaios. But I gotta say, I don’t like what they’re doing to their prisoners.”

“That is understandable. Even if those children claim their actions are justified, their standards on what they define as a terrible parent or adult are questionable. I joined this crew primarily for the luxury and excitement, but it is clear this kingdom requires the input of responsible adults. Perhaps this is why the KND have greatly limited their decommissionings.”

“Right about that.”

“In any case, I can sense great potential within you two. Yes… especially you.” He focused on Aurora.

“Oh, yeah? Like how?”

“We shall speak again. First, I have business to attend to. Farewell, children of Uno.” He flew between the teens and away from the island.

“Don’t you like his cool way of speaking?” Aurora remarked.

“Yeah, but it looks like we can’t play this game. Might as well get back to the others.”

The siblings exited the dojo on that note. “Seriously, my own sword is crushing my stomach.” Maniwa grunted. “Help me out here…”

Photo Booth

“And finally…” Saraba moaned, on the floor and out of breath from her lengthy explanation, “Sarutobi’s specialty is illusions… just like me, except… much better… and bigger, too… And that’s all the info about the Red Leaf Ninja-Samurais. All 22 of us…”

“Well, I’m not gonna lie, Sara.” Dillon replied, his shadow scribbling the last notes down. “That’s a pretty tough crowd to compete with. But don’t lose your confidence over it, okay?” He spoke comfortingly. “Everything you do is a big help, even if it’s only menial jobs. Just stay on your feet and keep facing forward!”

“Well… thanks.” Saraba pressed her hands to the floor and pushed herself back up. “I guess I’ll try… but it didn’t help that you made me talk about…!” Her eyes shot open in realization, and a wave of worry washed over her heart. “Hey, uh… you wouldn’t happen to be enemy spies, would you?” She smiled and sweated shakily and fiddled her fingers. “You’re not gonna… share all that with anyone, are ya?”

“What, no!” Dillon exclaimed. “I was just curious about them! But, really sorry to keep you, we’ll just be going now. C’mon, Vanel.”

“Electro Bunny Style: WINDOW BREAK!” Vanellope zipped through a window. Dillon grinned innocently as he backed up to the door and exited. Despite his claims, Saraba continued to sweat like a waterfall, believing she jeopardized her whole team.

“Sigh…” Dillon walked calmly. “Whether this alliance thing works out or not, it’s handy to have info on their crewmen, don’t you think?” His shadow nodded. “But man, 21 of these guys besides her. And they’re just one portion of the crew. I guess the KND can’t afford to make any more enemies…”

The Raccoon Pirates regrouped near the town entrance and recapped their encounters. “Harry, Haylee, and I went to the Riddle House.” Artie said. “They weren’t too hard. And we won key-chains for all the Hope Pirates.” He held up the six chains.

“Haha, I remember making those!” Yuta grinned.

“What’re you so happy about?” Chris asked. “It sounds like what happened in that shuriken place was pretty messed up.”

“But, I didn’t know about it, I swear!”

“No, but you don’t have a problem killing adults in that race.”

“I never wanted to…!” Yuta bit his lip, glancing around the feudal buildings. “I’ll explain later. Listen, how about we go to my hometown next? They could be watching us…”

Sharing a concerned glance, the teammates followed Yuta off the island. Gen, the monochrome-haired boy spied on them. “That’s very ascinating-fay. Why has Sector V come here? Dillon was collecting info from the chore girl, and yet he suggested something of an alliance. I should call Kokichi about this…”

Light of Hope; Monaca’s Quarters

“Here we are, Monaca.” Jataro moaned as he rolled his friend into the green-décor bedroom. “Your nice, cozy room. I suppose you don’t need my help any further. If I were me, I would discard me at my earliest opportunity.”

“That’s very considerate of you, Jataro. Monaca is very conservative with her brain power. That’s why she needed you to push her. But Monaca doesn’t wish to expend more brain cells talking to a giant dung beetle.”

“Okay, Monaca. I’ll go away now. A girl as bright as you doesn’t need someone like me poisoning their-” Monaca shoved him out the door with psychic and shut it. “Sigh…” Jataro sighed.

“Aww, cheer up, Gas Mask!” Someone plopped a hand on his shoulder. “Your life totally has meaning! Why, you’re just burning with potential!”

Jataro faced Kokichi’s beaming grin with hopeful eyes. “That’s kind of you to say, Kokichi. Your words make me feel like I have… Wait a minute.” The hope faded away. “I know what you’re doing. You’re going to crush my good mood by-”

“It’s a lie~!”

“That’s exactly what I expected. But your lies make me feel even worse about myself. That’s why I like them.”

“Just go mop the floor, your presence is unbearable.” Kokichi marched into Monaca’s room and shut him away.

“Man, now you’re telling the truth. My admiration for you, Kokichi, was quickly snuffed out.”

“So, Gen called me about some new arrivals.” Kokichi said to Monaca, tossing die up in his hand. “KND operatives from a certain sector…”

“Now it seems there are two KND sectors in the kingdom.” Monaca replied in her cute, doll-like tone. “This could be just awful for our crew.”

“Then we better put a stop to them.” Kokichi said in a serious tone. “They’re going to ruin our perfect utopia. We need to prove to them that all our people are happy, and being taken from this kingdom would be an absolute nightmare!”

. . . . . This was followed by laughter that mixed, “Ufufufufufu/Neeheeheeheeheehee!”

“But as long as they’re here, why don’t we play with them?” Kokichi held the die between his fingers. “Perhaps they’ll like us so much that they won’t want to leave. Having the best KND sector on our side would certainly give us the edge in this war. And wouldn’t it break all their hearts to see their best sector devolve to renegade thugs?”

“Ufufufu!” Monaca poked her blushed cheeks and said, “That would be super-duper despair inducing!”

“Yes, it would.” Kokichi’s skin turned black, and his hair a ghostly white. “That’s what makes this so fun.”

To learn more about the Red Leaf Ninja-Samurais, see the Orochi Oniwabanshu from One Piece, and the Retainers from Katanagatari! Both groups have really distinct members, despite them all being so minor, but for this series, I’ll only be focusing on a choice few… like the adorable Saraba. X3

Chapter Text

Monokuma Theater: Why are so many great series dependent on viewership? People are always bound to stop caring. Why can’t a story’s lifespan just depend on the author? After all, caring for a universe is like caring for a child! And if parents aren’t reliable, then we can’t rely on anybody. And a good parent wouldn’t just let his precious child die. Right, Seth MacFarlane?

Orchid Island

The town that was formerly connected to Orchid Bay was slowly lowered into Mushroom’s ocean. Waves once again brushed the coast and fishermen could return to work. Vaati guided Sector MG down to the island: it was exactly as Wendy remembered, demons and humans roaming the streets. However, it seemed the two races were actually interacting: the humans bore fearful expressions and seemed to force their selves to talk to the demons, while others purposely tried to navigate around them. The same applied in vice-versa.

“My goals also entailed severing the boundaries between races,” Vaati explained, “which included dismantling Orchid Bay’s Veil. With this town uplifted into the Free Kingdom, humans and demons were forced to become friends, no matter how much one feared the other. Skaios was also able to keep the fairies from intervening. Orchid Bay was taken back in December; as you can surmise, a month isn’t long enough to fully erase their metaphorical barriers.”

“Why couldn’t these demons just live in the Underworld, or an unpopulated area?” Cheadle asked.

“They’ve long since been adapted to Orchid Bay’s magical chi. Both races have homes and lives here, and they were too used to being divided. Still, I can see that taking their city wasn’t the best way to force them to change. It’s merely filled them with more anxiety.”

“Look, Mrs. Yorkshire!” Maria pointed at the sky in joy, seeing a red comet streaking across. “It’s a shooting star! Let’s make a wish!”

“I wish we could save Mobius as soon as possible.” Cheadle sighed.

The comet seemed to swerve in a zigzaggy fashion. “Hold on, it’s coming this way!” Oliver yelled.

“OH GOD, WATCH OUT!” cried a townsman; screaming erupted as a flaming, flying pirate ship threatened to crash onto a street, but Vaati used his bending to slow the ship down. He waited until the street was clear of people before allowing the ship to land, scraping against the road and sides of buildings before it finally came to a halt.

The burning ship, Overtale, was painted blue and was covered in spider-webs. The sail had the zodiac Scorpio sign, while the flag bore a skull with eight pupils in the left eye. Suddenly, a skull burst out of the ship with the force of a cannon, landing in Maria’s lap. “Hey Girl, you up for a cliché Shakespeare reference?” the skull asked.

“AAAAH!” Maria threw him away.

“DAMMIT, PAPYRUS! Your piss cooking set the ship on fire!”

“ME?! Only a monster could possibly cook like you!” the skull shouted back.

“Grrrrr!” A sword sliced open a greater hole in the ship: a fearsome knight with a red ponytail loomed imposingly in the burning hull. “When will I ever find a cook worthy of my power?!”

“Excuse me, Sir, but your fire has spread to the buildings!” Wendy shouted.

“SILENCE, whelp! I will burn everything with my passion until I’m… crap, it’s hot.” The knight fell and plopped on the pavement, her helmet falling off: she was a Fishwoman with a patch over her left eye. “Huff… someone get me water.”

While Vaati flew to put out the fires, Wendy used Aguamenti to rehydrate the Fishwoman. “Hooo. You know I hit rock bottom when I receive pity from a blue-haired child.”

“I-I’m sorry, Miss.”

“More importantly, why didn’t you give water to the burning spiders?” Wendy looked up, leaping back in fear at the sight of a spider girl. She had lavender skin, five eyes, six arms, pigtails, and wore red rompers. “Are you some kind of spider-hater?” Her eyes blinked one at a time.

“EEEEEEEK!” Wendy’s hair stood straight and her skin turned pale.

“Oh, it’s alright! I’ll forgive you if you buy one of my spider donuts!” She presented a donut with orange frosting and spider sprinkles. “Only 9,999 coins.”

“Muffet, you know you’re not allowed to charge money!” Undyne replied.

“How else am I gonna buy school supplies for spider orphans?! Demolishing the government can’t happen any sooner!”

“Will you two quit 8eing so rude? It seems that we have guests!” Another figure floated out of the ship: she seemed to be 19 years old, with black hair and orange horns, with pointed glasses over her blank white eyes. Two fangs stuck out of her blue lips, she wore red boots, and a black dress with the blue outlines of a pirate uniform, which had the Scorpio on the left breast. “Hello, children! My name is…”

“Serket? That name seems familiar…” Wendy stroked her chin in thought. “Wait, you’re a troll! You’re from New Galaxia! Now I remember, Vriska Serket! Do you know anyone by that name?”

“H8H?! You know my descendant?!”

“Vriska’s your descendant? I mean, I personally don’t know her all that well, but she was our ally during that quest.”

“Well, any partial acquaintance of Vriska is a partial acquaintance of mine.” Aranea floated down and shook her hand, giving a friendly smile. “Come to think of it, you must 8e Vaati’s daughter. He shows us all your 8a8y pictures, like, 8LL the time.”

“Oh, dear.” Wendy shrank in embarrassment.

“But if you two are partial acquaintances,” Muffet said, “then I guess you’re not a spider-hater after all. Care for a spider donut?”

“Sure, it looks yummy.” Wendy smiled and took it.

“I’d like one too, please.” Oliver said.

“Meh, I’ll give it a shot.” Phil followed.

“Yippee!” Maria cheered, taking one. The four friends happily savored the pastries. “Mmm, this is good! I didn’t know spiders were such good cooks!”

“Well, all our goods are baked with real spiders, after all!”

The fact almost compelled the group to vomit. “Y-You’re kidding, right?” Phil asked. “I mean, that’s your own people.”

“Spiders do eat each other.” Cheadle informed.

Papyrus’ head bounced over and said, “And I thought I had weird tastes! Yohohoho!”

“But so long as you enjoy our food, I won’t eat you.” Muffet winked.

“Anyhow,” Aranea spoke, “I’m glad I ran into you, Vaati. Meta Knight wanted to hold a meeting 8etween us commanders. Quite a few new developments are taking place, it seems.”

“I think I know what you mean. Well, I suppose I’ll meet up with you later, Wendy. Go have some fun with your friends! There’s not much else to do here after all.” Vaati flew to the heavens with Aranea following.

“See you later, Dad…” Wendy waved half-heartedly.

“Wait, that guy is really your Dad?” Wendy flinched at the familiar voice. “No wonder you ran away, Wendy.”

Behind her was a Chinese girl with jet-black hair with a purple streak, blue jeans, and a green shirt with a dragonfly design. “I was wondering when you’d be visiting.”

“JUNE!” Wendy embraced her friend in a hug, and with a superior hug, June nearly broke her back. “Yowchie!”

“Whoops, sorry. I guess someone hasn’t been getting exercise.” June playfully wrapped an arm around her neck.

“I have, too! I’m way stronger than I used to be!”

“I should say so, Lass.” They were approached by Monroe, a talking pug wearing a Scouter. “Accordin’ to this gizmo, your Power Level is 6,000. June still tops you at 6,100.”

“Guess what, Wendy, I work for the Sky God Pirates now! Star Knight Division, under Meta Knight! Man, I’ve been having the time of my LIFE!” June spoke exuberantly, punching the air and sometimes Wendy. “I’ve been to so many places and kicked so much butt! These pirates wrecking the town was the best thing that ever coulda happened!”

“Really? It seems like everyone here is pretty uncomfortable.”

“Oh, they’ll get over it, c’mon, let’s go do something together! We gotta celebrate our newfound freedom!”

“YEAH, freedom!” Undyne suddenly hugged both girls from behind, her armor crushing their necks. “Let’s go express our freedom in the nearest diner!”

“A d-d-; a diner?” Wendy choked.

“You two are my new acquaintances, and new acquaintances learn how to cook! LET’S BLOW THE ROOF OFF WITH OUR PASSIONATE RECIPES!” Undyne firmly gripped the girls’ arms and raced off. “Papyrus, Sans, fix the ship!!” In seconds, they were gone.

Monroe approached the others and asked, “You lot are friends with Wendy, yah? Listen, there’s something wrong with June; I think she was brainwashed by that Skaios character.”

“Brainwashed?” Oliver repeated.

“Aye. When Orchid Bay fell into chaos, she got really angry, and she went up to challenge Skaios. She was out of her league, unfortunately, but all of a sudden, she started acting different. She stopped caring about the state of her town and started playing in their games.”

“On the way here, Vaati actually told us something about that.” Cheadle replied. “He said-”

“hey. you kids new around here?” They were approached by a short skeleton in a blue jacket, carrying tools. “i’m sans. sans the skeleton.” He spoke in a lazy tone.

“Hi, Sans. My name’s Oliver, this is-”

“good. she asked me to fix the ship. here you go.” Sans dropped the tools in Oliver’s arms and walked away. He and Phil exchanged disgruntled glances.

Towa City

The speakers continuously played the Monokuma song as children played without a care in the world. Boys and girls were having play-fights in a Monokuma bounce castle, some were acting like chimps as they climbed skyscraper monkey bars, and others raced down the slides. The swing-sets made 360-degree loops and the sewers contained tunnels that children would crawl through in search of treasure or play Hide-and-Seek. Monokumas served as guards and ensured a safe, fun experience for the young citizens.

“Kare! Kare! Monokuma!” Vanellope sang along. “Kue! Kue! Monokuma! Mina de outa o utae ba chi ga afureru.”

“Vanellope, Kirie is writing down the lyrics,” Dillon informed, “and based on what they say, they’re… singing about killing adults.”

“I know, I’m Japanese, too. It’s still a fun song!”

“So yeah, this is the place we grew up!” Yuta said with an optimistic smile. “It was the Free Kingdom’s first liberated town. Nagisa programmed the Monokumas to convert the city into a playground. All these kids were rescued from abusive parents, and now they all live in peace.”

“I totally feel a kinship with ’em! I had an abusive dad too, y’know. Hey Dillon, I’ll race you to the slides!” The Program bounced excitedly and zipped her way up a building.

“Don’t go by yourself!” Dillon yelled, pursuing her.

“Where does all the power come from?” Artie asked.

“We steal Power Moons from Mushroom. It’s part of the reason we docked on this world.” Yuta answered. “Also, did you notice how some of the islands were lowered to the ocean? That’s to gather water as well as fish. Normally I’d be down there looking for treasure, but my new friends come first!”

“Move out of the way, dammit!!”

“See ya at the finish line, sucker!”

Kids hurriedly jumped aside when two cars came zigzagging up the street, pressed against each other. A black-haired boy and blonde, pigtailed girl were driving them, their eyes brimming with competitive desires. Sector V dodged the cars, and Monokumas jumped in front to grab them, metal and rubber screeching against the blacktop. The cars ultimately exploded, much to the operatives’ horror. “OH GOD!” Yuta screamed, quickly dousing the fire with waterbending.

The racers were blown out, the boy missing an arm and the girl a foot, but despite their blackened bodies, they could only smile. “I…I almost had ya…” the girl grunted.

“Pssh… yeah right…”

“ARE YOU TWO CRAZY?!” Haruka shouted, immediately wrapping their wounds in bandages. “You’re nowhere old enough to drive, and even then, this is a crowded area!”

“Hey, it’s the Free Kingdom.” The boy said. “There are no age restrict…ow.”

“Ugh, you people have no common sense.” Yuta said, cleaning the soot off them. “This is the 5th injury in a month. Monokumas, hospital!”

An ambulance haphazardly sped onto the road, barely missing idle kids as they threw the two patients onboard. “Wait, can I-…” Haruka couldn’t finish her offer before the ambulance vanished around the corner.

“HOLY COOKIES, Dillon!” Vanellope was beaming at the event from a rooftop. “That was epic! That’s what Mario Kart needs, some good old amputation action!”

“What the heck are you saying, Vanel?! They were seriously hurt!”

“Yeah, and I’m jealous! I wanna know what it’s like to have blood gushing out of a severed limb!”

“Vanel, what-…” It wasn’t unlike his sister to express such violent thoughts, but to act so inconsiderate was highly unusual, especially since she had just shown concern after squashing Skaios’ head. Come to think of it, she got over that pretty quickly, not even asking if he was hurt too badly. His suspicion growing, Dillon flew down to rejoin his team.

“Hey, Yutax!” the shadowbender called, approaching the guide with a piercing glare. “Vanellope’s acting kinda weird. Heck, all these kids are weird, singing this creepy song. Is there some kinda brainwashing going around?”

“Brainwashing?!” Haylee exclaimed.

Yuta sighed in a manner that admitted defeat. “I also noticed it when my friends started acting different, and every other person in our crew was affected as well. Then Nagisa figured it out: Skaios has the ability to ignite peoples’ free spirits. When a person possesses the desire to rebel and have fun, Skaios can enhance that desire until all their restraint is drained away. Because of that, our rebellious citizens injure themselves on a daily basis.”

“So, Vanellope was affected by him? But she’s just a Program.”

“Well, Dillon, you believe more than anyone that she has a soul.” Haruka inferred. “I mean, I believe it too, and by the looks of it, Skaios has touched that soul.”

“Her wish was to leave the virtual world and live with us humans.” Chris recollected. “That’s her rebellious spirit. Still, if you say your friends were affected, why do you sound so mature?”

“Yeah, didn’t you say you hated your dad for cutting those designs in your body?” Haruka inquired.

Yuta bit his lower lip, anxious about revealing the truth. “Well… that’s what I tell them, anyway. But actually… I enjoyed it. It hurt at first, but I slowly began to embrace my heritage. I could feel my chi growing stronger whenever these wounds burned in a hot bath. But other kids thought I was a freak because of that, except the Hope Pirates, because they thought I was being tortured like them. And I thought the pirate thing was only gonna last a short time, I never wanted to be dragged into… this.”

“So, you never wanted to rebel.” Harry presumed. “You’re basically a prisoner, too. …!” The eldest triplet gasped, “Crap! Sheila!”

“Sheila?” Artie cocked a brow.

“What if Sheila’s spirit was touched by Skaios, too?! What if she does something reckless? You know how she is.”

“Whoa, you’re right! We should call her and Mason.” Artie dialed his communicator. “This is Artie to Maso-”

“I’LL MOUNT YER HEADS ON A WALL!” a gruff voice bellowed, followed by a crashing noise!

“And the mission’s a bust.” Haruka face-palmed.

Evermore

“HOW DARE you kids steal my Titan Turkey!” A muscular pirate brought down a mighty hammer, Sheila throwing up her fist in defense. The pirate had a thick brown mustache, brows, and long hair, wearing a brown fur top and necklace of sharp fangs.

Mason leapt atop the hammer and shot a Gas Bomb at Batu, the man falling backwards. His crewmen, Khunbish, Chingis, and Munokhoi flew overhead on Wyvern Gliders and shot crossbows, to which Sheila spun and whacked the arrows away with her Light Tail. Sheila sent the Light Tail to knock Khunbish off, but Chingis dropped down and smashed the Faunus. “Got ya, street rat! Huh?!” To his misfortune, Sheila channeled chi to her feet, kicking them rapidly as she began to run around the town with Chingis obscuring her vision. “OOF! OW! ARGH!” She rammed him headfirst into several buildings. “Help me, Munokhoi!”

“Aye-aye!” His comrade flew overhead in attempt to grab Chingis by the shirt, but Sheila finally lifted him up with both hands to breathe. She saw Munokhoi and swung a kick, her Light Foot flipping the glider upside-down. She then jumped and slammed Chingis on top of it, pressing Munokhoi into the ground.

“Why you getting so mad?” Mason asked Batu. “It’s the Free Kingdom, I thought anything goes.”

“Aye! That’s why there’s no law against me runnin’ ye through!” Batu performed a spin attack, Mason jumping away from the massive hammer as he released a stream of gas. Mason willed the gas to spiral around Batu’s head and up his nostrils, the Cloud Snake stopping to pinch his nose. Mason blasted up to the pirate and pressed hands to his stomach, stirring Batu’s acids and bringing him to his knees. “Argh, you little devil!”

“’Bet you’re glad you didn’t have that turkey now!” Mason grabbed two blue cans of Cold Flurp and bent the soda out to freeze the Cloud Snake. Batu furiously shook free and grabbed his hammer, withstanding his stomach pains as he tried to smash Mason again.

“Don’t worry Dad, I’m coming!” A pigtailed girl with magenta hair and a forest dress came racing through town, ready to drive her spear through Mason. Sheila saw this and intercepted her at lightspeed, her foot meeting Tani’s head and launching her over the roofs. The forest girl stretched vines from pots on her belt and caught a roof, slingshotting herself back to Sheila. The Faunus dodged and punched Light Spheres that Tani deflected by twirling her spear, then she leapt back and readied her bow.

“…” When Tani focused on her target, her eyes widened in realization, and she let out a gasp. “Oh… my… God!” With a beaming face that belonged to a fangirl, Tani pointed, “You’re Sheila the Sunny Fist! I-I was just kicked in the face by the great Sunny Fist!” Tani touched the sore spot and gently rubbed it. “So that’s how it feels… to receive a Sunny Fist. This is the best day of my life.”

“Well, it was a Sunny Foot, but I’d be happy to punch you.” Sheila smirked.

“OH GOSH, THAT WOULD BE SO AMAZING!!” Tani clapped her hands in prayer.

“Eh, it’s weird when they actually want it…”

“Well, snakes alive!” Batu exclaimed. “You’re a real pirate legend! No wonder a little lassie could salvage so much Titan Turkey.”

“And I still got room for more!” Sheila grinned, rubbing her tummy.

“I wish you recognized her from the start.” Mason sighed.

“So, what brings you runts here? Here to partake in our everlasting freedom?”

Tani’s beaming expression faded to a downtrodden one. It was no surprise that her hero would be lured in to this “paradise,” but she feared Sheila would become another enemy. “Actually, we…” Mason explained their mission.

“An alliance, is it? Sayin’ you got friends to rescue? Sigh, I suppose that makes two of us…” Batu spoke sullenly.

“A friend of yours was captured, too?” Mason assumed.

“Yeah, it’s our…” Tani was about to respond, until an idea crossed her mind. “Wait… the great Sheila Frantic, who defeated the former Big Mom and two Emperors, Mandy and Blackbeard… This could be my chance to become Captain.”

“Wot are you getting at now?” Sheila asked.

Tani grabbed Sheila’s hand, dropped to her knees, and begged with all her heart, “Please, Sheila! Please let me kick your arse!”

“You just asked Sheila to punch you!” Mason shouted.

“I know I did! But if I beat someone as strong as you, maybe they’ll let me have a turn at being Captain. Then I…I might be able to save him.”

Somewhere on the sea

“BOOOOOOOOSH!” After his meal, the young god decided to burn off his calories by running rings around the world. “GOOOOO!” Some of the Mushroomians thought the ghost of Sonic was paying them an angry visit, for ships were swept away in tidal waves and seaside towns drowned. “Man, I wanna just ditch the kart and use me own two feet! Nah, but then they wouldn’t stand a chance against me, ya ha haaaaa! OWF!” He was forcibly stopped in his tracks. “’ey! What the-?!” He desperately shook. “Can’t a guy run into the sunset in peace?”

“’Guess your own little feet aren’t fast enough.” A gigantic shadow stretched from Skaios’ form, its toes holding him in place. Midna smiled down at the little god.

“YOU?! When did you get so big?!”

Midna tilted her head up. “Duh, shadows get bigger during twilight.” Midna retracted to normal size as she fully emerged, standing on the water with him. “But you’re pretty small for a sky.”

“Small or not, I’m as equal to you as anyone else.”

Midna grew herself 10 feet taller. “You’re looking less equal by the minute.”

“Grrrr, WHO CARES, Ay can rip ya to pieces if I wanted to!”

“Aww, a cute little god thinks he can beat me.” she teased, smiling mischievously.

“I totally can! I’m stronger AND faster than you!” Skaios shouted defensively.

“But you said you were equal to me.”

“Gyup-!” the god flushed. “W-W-Well, I… nyag, who cares what you think!”

“Oh, admit it, Skaiee.” Midna pinched his little cheek. “As ‘equal’ as you think you are, you’re still a kid. A delusional kid who only thinks one way, just like Jirachi used to be.”

“So are the other gods! It’s always Balance this and Balance that. They never wanna have fun, and if one of ’em tries to, they get locked away!”

“Are you sure?” Midna lightly pressed him between two fingers. “Because I’m having fun right now! And I’m not being locked away. Eee hee hee!”

“Grarrrr!” Skaios sunk his teeth into her right finger, but Midna retaliated by pressing him against her palm. Skaios blew a godly gust at her stomach, only for Midna to bend herself and avoid. “Stop it!” Skaios blasted wind at every part of her body, but Midna expertly dodged and kept him pinned. “This isn’t fair, you’re bigger than me!”

“Duh, that’s what big sisters do!”

“S…Sister?”

Midna shrunk to normal size, “Well, yeah. I said we were kin, right?” She bore a friendly smile. “I’m a Firstborn and you’re a Newborn. That makes me your biiiiiiig SISTER!” Her right Hair Hand grew bigger and POKED Skaios forcefully.

“You’re a big pain is what you are!”

“Yeah, but you know you love me, you little pain!” Midna held him down with both Hair Hands and twisted one’s knuckle into his skull.

“Ouchie, hahaha! Stop it, it tickles, hahahahaha!” Both siblings began to giggle happily. …Siblings. That’s the word that came to Skaios’ mind. When Midna stopped tickling, both stared into each other’s eye(s). To Midna, Skaios seemed like the adorable little brother helpless to his sister’s strength, and to him, Midna seemed like a responsible big sibling he aspired to be…

Skaios shook that thought out, growling and looking away from her. “Family? The Hope Pirates are my family. Heck, the whole crew are, and you’re nowhere as fun as them.”

“Are they really your family? Or just friends?”

“W-What’s the difference?”

“Well, the saying is ‘friends come and go,’ but in the KND, that’s kinda not true.” She rolled her eyes in disbelief. “So, maybe there is no difference. Still, I feel the need to look out for you, just as I wanted to look out for Danika, despite setting me free.”

“…” Skaios could find no rebuttal, internally touched by the gesture. For some reason, he didn’t want to tell her off. “Um… well, my crew needs me. Ay’d best be gettin’ back soon, Lassie.”

“Whatever you say, little pirate.”

“Arrrgh…” With a red face, Skaios made the flight back to his kingdom. Midna teleported back as well.

Orchid City; Golden Corral

“SKEWER THESE FISH LIKE YOU’RE MOWING GRASS!” Undyne bellowed, slashing her blade ceaselessly as the chefs threw fish at the three. “COME ON, GIRLS, SKEWER FASTER!”

“GRAAAAAH, WE’RE TRYING, BOSS!” Juniper roared, pouring all power into her sword.

“They’re getting down my dress!!” Wendy cried.

“SUSHI TIME OVER! START ROLLING PIZZA!” Undyne began to roll pizza dough until it was perfectly flat, and the table started flattening, too. June’s sweat dripped onto the dough, and Wendy felt like her wrists were twisting around the handles of the roller. “Great, now let’s bake a cake!” Undyne grabbed a dozen sacks of flour and chucked them in the bowl like bombs, and June tossed 20 eggs, Wendy brought a jug of milk—

“No, like this!” June threw four jugs into the bowl. There was such a big mess around the area, Wendy couldn’t imagine how awful the cake would look.

“I’ll get it cookin’, start frying the eggs!” Undyne ordered, setting the oven to its highest temperature. Wendy cracked open some eggs and meekly began to fry them—June chucked more eggs in the pan, turning them into a goopy mass that melted through the overheated pan, and they began burning through the oven like acid. “Now veggies!” Undyne and June started to slice veggies on another table, chopping up said table in the process. All the restaurant cooks had abandoned this losing battle.

“So, what’s your story, Blue Hair, where you from?” Undyne asked mid-chopping.

“It’s a very long story.” Wendy wept. “What about you?”

“I’m from Planet Deltarune, the Land of Caves and Silence. Used to be a royal guard ’til Aranea showed me the pirate life.”

“Th-That’s nice. …Uh, guys?” Wendy pointed at the blazing oven. “I think the cake’s burning.”

“FASTEEEEEERRRRR!” Undyne and June were beginning to cut the walls.

“RAAAAAAAAAH I’M GIVING IT ALL I GOT!”

Golden Corral caught on fire and collapsed, the customers all fleeing. June BURST out of the rubble as Wendy helped Undyne out, rehydrating her with a water spell. “FUHUHUHU! Are you girls feeling the PASSION?!”

“YEAH! I’M REALLY FEELIN’ IT!” June bellowed.

“You girls are completely loco! !” Monroe shouted.

“I’ll say!” Cheadle stated. “Look at all the people you almost hurt!”

“Man, I wanted to go in there, too!” Maria whined.

“No you didn’t, young lady!”

“Man, I’ve got so much energy now! Wendy, let’s go burn off our energy at the arena!” June yelled.

“May I please rest, June, I’m exhausted.”

“BOY, you’re a wuss! Fine, we’ll go without you, right Undyne?!”

“YOU SAID IT, sister!” Both girls raced to the arena, practically scorching the road.

“JUUUNE! COME BACK, LASS!” Monroe pled. “You need to stop acting like this! For God’s sake, Ray-Ray’s still in the hospital!”

“June’s brother?” Wendy inquired.

“Sigh, when June started acting crazy, she let him fight in the arena. He put up a good fight, until he was up against Commander Uchiha. …Poor lad was burned to a crisp. And all June did was cheer him on. If she were in her right mind, she woulda jumped in and stopped that fight.”

“Then what Vaati said was true.” Cheadle replied. “Her rebellious spirit has overtaken her common sense.”

“Oh, MARIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAA! Guess WHOOOOOOOO!”

“That voice!” Maria gasped, facing the heavens. “LOUISE?!”

A fleet of Hat Ships with mustache Jolly Rogers soared over the city. Louise Mario was mounted atop the flagship, her ’stache blowing in the breeze and her Paint Staff shining with gold paint. “Vaati told me you were here. Welcome to the Free Kingdom! I just nabbed me a hefty bounty!”

Maria’s gaze fell to the hunk of gold hanging from the ship. “Wow, you found treasure?! It’s so pretty-looking!”

“Oh, it’s no ordinary treasure. This guy was pretty high on the pirates’ black list. Allow me to introduce the sorry, saggy form of…” Louise lowered the gold mass: upon closer inspection, it was a teenage boy in slanted red glasses and a gold-painted flamingo coat. Maria and Cheadle gasped in realization: “Don Quixote Doflamingo, Jr.! Hah, he and his circus clowns didn’t stand a chance!”

Aranea Serket is from Homestuck (trivia: I was originally gonna do a twist where Aranea Fulbright was actually Serket). Undyne, Papyrus, and Sans are Undertale, and Batu and Tani are Ni no Kuni II. I also wanna welcome Sarstar to the Gameverse! Let’s hope she catches up here to read this note!

Chapter Text

If you’re asking where I’ve been, the answer is Degree Project. If you don’t care, let’s get back to the action!

Empty field on Mushroom; not long ago

As twilight glimmered in the distance, Doflamingo Jr. gazed upon the field with a crescent smile. “This is pretty nice land. Vegetation is good, the weather is fair… and it’s free for the taking. No one would care if someone decided to set up shop here. So, why are you getting in my way?”

He turned to a golden-eyed girl whose form was mostly shadowed in the twilight: Louise Mario. “Duh! Because you’re a villain, and cowering in this wasteland ain’t gonna change that.”

“And who are you to judge what’s good or evil?”

“Please, you’re the spitting image of your father, and the news had a field day with-”

Doffy whipped a string at Louise, the girl dodging by a heartbeat. “You aren’t welcome in my new kingdom, Princess. Now, LEAVE!” The prince shot string bullets, Louise evading as she ate a Bee Shroom. She took flight, countering Doffy’s bullets with stingers. Doffy took a few hits before launching and catching Louise’s legs with strings, smashing her facefirst against the ground. Louise swiftly cut the strings with the spike of her staff, and when Doffy launched them again, Louise flipped up while drenching that spot with Honey Goop, sticking those strings to the ground. Louise then ran along those strings and jumped against his face.

Doffy detached those strings as severe pain coursed through him; Mushroomians truly did have strong legs. Doffy connected a bunch of strings between surrounding trees and shot bullets at them, the bullets rapidly bouncing between the bungees and hitting Louise from various angles. Doffy also began slingshotting himself into Louise, knocking her out of her bee form, so out of frustration, she changed her staff to Cement Paint and created concrete walls to protect herself. Doffy smirked and merely destroyed the barrier, only to realize Louise fled into a Paint Portal.

She emerged from a nearby portal she painted previously. Louise consumed a Boomerang Flower and sliced all the bungees, until Doffy lunged himself at her and pinned her to the ground. However, the boomerang returned and bonked his head, Louise kicking him off and then jumping on his chest to paint Cement Goop across him. Doffy struggled to break the cement off, but could not before Louise Ground Pounded him, forcing blood out of the prince.

Louise jumped off as Doffy struggled to get back up, panting while holding his stomach. “I’m sick of dealing with bitches like you… who think they’re trying to uphold justice. That there’s only one way. And all I’m trying to do is start over again—eh?!” Doffy realized his slippers were stuck to the ground with Honey Goop. Before he could attempt to escape, Louise ran up and stamped him in the face again.

“You’ll have plenty of time to start over in the Free Kingdom. So long as you play along.” Louise kicked his unconscious form onto its front. “Inklings, get the metahuman restraints!” she ordered as she began to paint Doffy’s feathers gold. “It’s time to haul our bounty!”

Current time, Inkopolis dungeon

Louise’s crewmen had locked the Noah’s Ark performers in a sewer dungeon, while Doffy was taken elsewhere. The chief Inkling, an orange-haired female one with pink shoes, handed a list to a White Lotus officer, Katniss Everdeen. “So, these are the Devil Fruit powers that these circus performers use. Thank you, Squitaba.”

“W-a-ah~!” Squitaba affirmed in her native tongue and saluted.

Aboveground, Sector MG accompanied Louise at an Inkling skate park. “But I STOMPED his back one more time for good measure!” Louise demonstrated this feat by stomping the back of a blue-haired Inkling boy. “And that’s basically how the battle went.” Louise concluded. “It’s a lot cooler if you saw it in person.”

“Cough! Yeah, but wait’ll you hear how we fought his crewmen!” exclaimed Squam, the Inkling in question. He was Squitaba’s co-chief in the group. “First, that Joker guy, he had a power that-”

“Don’t bore your audience, Squam.” Louise interrupted, stepping off him.

“Bore?! Why don’t I get to use you like a punching ba-” Louise poked his eyes. “Yo-o-ow!”

“I’m glad you’re as strong as ever, Louise!” Maria grinned.

“Wish I could say the same. Your leg still ain’t healed yet, eh?”

“Yes, and that’s partially your fault.” Cheadle told her firmly. “You almost got yourself and your sister killed with your reckless actions.”

“Hey, I had feelings I had to get out, and I’m not ashamed of that.”

“Seconded!” Maria nodded proudly.

“Honestly, you girls.” Cheadle sighed. “Anyway, Louise, I want to ask you something: since the Sky God Pirates are docked on Mushroom, you aren’t planning to invade the capital, are you?”

“Actually, when I was captain, I decreed that the pirates wouldn’t attack Mushroom Castle. I had just a teeny bit of mercy left for my parents, though it’s mostly ’cause I didn’t wanna see them.”

“You decreed?” Oliver asked. “I thought this place had no laws.”

“None except our own moral laws. I dunno if he told you, but Mr. Vaati’s the one who proposed to Skaios that everyone should take turns being captain. We all agreed that if the captains made any sort of important decision, the other crewmen would have to respect that decision. But if someone went against it, or tried to make a law against it, those two had to battle for their belief!” Louise raised her gold-painted staff with vigor. “Still, if someone wanted to steal Toad Town, I wouldn’t care.”

“Well, I would!” Cheadle argued. “That’s why I need to save Mobius! Could you at least have me taken to Peach so I can show her I’m okay?”

“Not ME, that would just be too awkward! Squam can just take you.”

“Fine, but can it wait ’til tomorrow? I wanna play in the Turf War tonight.” Squam replied, rubbing his eyes still.

“Fine. We still need to help Romeo and Kiki recover, anyway. Let’s go check on them now.” Cheadle began to push Maria’s wheelchair out of the city.

“Can I stay and watch the Turf War?” Maria asked.

“No, your friends come first.”

“Whatever, Mom.”

“Stop calling me ‘Mom’!!”

Santa Hylia; Meeting Room

The Commanders gathered at a round table with a digital map of the Free Kingdom, with a display similar to the Sheikah Slate. Among them were Vaati, Aranea Serket, Meta Knight, Nagisa, Monaca, as well as a black-haired Japanese man in a dark cloak.

“I’d like to thank everyone who chose to attend this meeting.” Meta Knight began. “I acknowledge that holding meetings is completely optional and most of you have more important things to do, but I digress. First, I believe Captain Nagisa has news for us?”

“Yes, it would seem that two KND sectors from Earth have been welcomed into our kingdom.” Nagisa recapped. “Sectors MG and V. The latter, in particular, is requesting an alliance in order to combat the other three Yonko. How do you all feel about this?”

“Regarding the Emperors,” Meta Knight followed, “following Queen Sherry’s return, and Kroctus and Mandy conquering Mobius and Hyrule respectively, I have no doubts Skaios will want to liberate their domains. We cannot avoid a war with them. My greatest concern is Skaios himself.”

“I agree.” Vaati replied. “Skaios is a Firstborn, there’s no doubt about that. If the Emperors seize him, they’ll harness his power and become invincible. We should find a suitable place to hide Skaios until this war is over.”

“I 8elieve I could easily persuade Skaios to come to New Galaxia with me.” Aranea offered. “He couldn’t resist exploring such a realm, and the Emperors would go M8D trying to navig8 the-”

“Ufufufu.” Monaca giggled. “Would you really deny Skaios to take part in such an exciting battle? No friend deserves to be left out. Monaca would be sad if that happens.” She twisted her finger into the table with a mopey expression. “And Vaati, you’re such a hypocrite. How dare you attempt to deny him his freedom.”

“If the Emperors claim Skaios, our quest for freedom will crumble. It would only be a temporary-”

“I think you’re jealous.” Monaca’s eyes gazed at the Minish hypnotically, as if trying to dig into his half of a soul. “Skaios has the exact same goals as you, yet he’s become much more successful and powerful. That’s why you asked Skaios to let people take turns being captain. You wanted Skaios’ perfect utopia to fall apart. You’re trying to sabotage us.”

“I most certainly am not!”

“Well, it’s not Monaca’s choice, anyway. It’s Captain Nagisa’s choice!”

“Huh?” The boy flushed for a moment. “Yes, well… Skaios would be a major asset in the upcoming battle, but I cannot deny he is reckless. And I fear if I tried to reason with him, he would not listen. I would want to keep him out of battle as long as possible.”

“So, you’re preparing to lead us into a great war all by your lonesome?”

“W-Well, I mean, I’ll elect a new captain-”

“But if the decision to keep Skaios out of battle is yours, then we’ll have to respect it. Remember, Nagisa, we have a lot of faith in your wise decisions. Our expectations are extremely high.”

“E-Extremely… high?” Nagisa began to sweat, his temperature rising from anxiety. More than anything, he couldn’t bear to disappoint his family—he means, his crewmen. All the responsibility weighed on his shoulders.

“Nagisa,” Meta Knight began, “if this decision is too difficult for you, you may choose a captain who you believe is more suitable. After all, it may be a while before war actually-”

“NO!” Monaca began flailing her fists in a tantrum. “This! Is! His! MOMENT! Nagisa is the smartest! And most capable one! To lead us! In these! Dark! Times!”

“P-Please, be quiet for a second!” Nagisa shouted. “I need a moment to think…”

“Enough!” Vaati shouted. “You’re right. I proposed the ‘taking turns’ rule because I didn’t believe Skaios was qualified to run this crew. While I desire nothing more than freedom, an organized leadership is a must to attain that goal. Not everyone on this crew is fit for the task.”

“But that’s basically what America and other countries do.” Monaca replied. “A bunch of old, smelly adults thinking their opinion is right, convincing everyone else to make them the leader. That’s what we’re trying to stop, isn’t it? So, maybe you are a hypocrite, Vaati.”

“Monaca, forgive me, but you are bringing us off topic.” Meta Knight said.

“No, Meta Knight, you’re the one who strayed off topic.”

“Excuse me?”

“You joined this crew with the claim that you were the greatest Star Warrior. But that’s a lie, right? You never defeated the wielder of the Galaxia Sword. You never defeated Nigel Uno.”

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

“I wonder… would Nigel’s children be able to hold the Galaxia Sword? Two of them are here in our kingdom. Perhaps you should see if one of them has the sword. Perhaps you should take it for yourself. Our crew should accept none but the strongest, and that includes the strongest Star Warrior. You must bring honor to the crew of Emperor Skaios.”

“Y…Yes… You are right.” Meta Knight pondered over Monaca’s words, only now realizing the tempting possibility. “Perhaps this could be my second chance. I already possess the Aixalag Sword… and if Nigel’s children inherited his right to wield the sword—that does not matter now!”

“It DOES matter!” Monaca banged her fists on the table. She was extremely passionate in her words. “It is your DREAM! To be the greatest Star Swordsman! A MAN! MUST NOT! ABANDON! HIS DREAM!”

Vaati grit his teeth, glaring at her. I never understood this girl. She was always the most assertive during meetings, and she almost always got her way. I don’t know what her deal is, but… I sense powerful darkness and desire within her.

“Enough!” A lightning bolt struck from one end of the table. All eyes were directed on the Japanese man, his fingers brimming with electric chi. Before his cold gaze, even Monaca silenced, folding her hands politely. “As far as I can tell, no one here is qualified to lead. Especially not some brat. Now, for the sake of progress, my spies have been thoroughly studying the other crews and I’ve proceeded to develop a strategy. Right now, our immediate threat are the KND operatives in our kingdom. If the Will of Rebellion doesn’t awaken inside them and they refuse to join our crew, they must be destroyed.”

“Destroyed?!” exclaimed Vaati. “That’s my DAUGHTER you’re talking about! And besides, Nagisa said they wanted to form an alliance.”

“They’re as big a threat to us as the other Yonko. And like the Yonko, they have the potential to rule their worlds if they want to. If they don’t submit to us, I will personally destroy them myself.”

“Not until I have my Galaxia Sword, Commander Uchiha.” Meta Knight stated.

“Now, shall I go over my strategy with you, ‘Captain’?” Sasuke asked Nagisa with sarcasm. “Or will you be wise and hand the hat over to me?”

“But you can’t force the current captain to surrender their title.” Monaca reminded. “Or else Skaios will get mad. Nagisa, I think Uchiha-san is too scary to be Captain, don’t you think?”

“Y-Y-Y…Y-Y-Y…” Nagisa wanted to agree, but his teeth sealed his words inside. Sasuke’s cold glare was freezing him, and yet he had to either confirm or deny, for everyone was depending on him, as the captain. If he made the wrong choice for the next captain, their mistakes would fall on his shoulders. “T-Too… sca-ry… wr-ong…”

“Ahem, come to think of it, where is Skaios, anyway?” Aranea asked, longing to change the subject.

“I think he’s engaged in a rather exciting match right now.” Monaca smiled. “Ufufu! And the legendary Sunny-Fist is participating.”

Orchid Bay Stadium

The former baseball stadium had been repurposed as a combat arena, using Element Stones to project holographic environments. Sheila Frantic and Tani were doing warm-ups, eager to please the crowds with their prowess. Tani was especially happy; not only did she actually have a chance to battle her hero, the great Sunny Fist, but if she were allowed to become Captain, she could finally free Evan and have Evermore returned to its rightful place.

The battlefield was given the illusion of a jungle with a river, in which they would fight atop wooden platforms along said river. “Yahoooooo!” Skaios cheered, barely noticeable within the stands of citizens. “Give me some bloodshed, maties!”

“Shouldn’t the Emperor have a more special seat?”

“Eh?” Skaios flinched when Midna emerged behind him. “Er… well, as an equal to everyone else, I deserve as average a seat as anyone! But since you’re here, feel free to sit beside me.”

“Or I could do this.” Midna lifted Skaios up, took his seat, and sat him in her lap. “Big sisters get to share seats with their little brothers.”

“Errrrr…” Skaios blushed.

“Still… isn’t that…” Midna recognized one of the fighters. Almost coincidentally, she noticed the Sector V operatives entering several aisles away.

The teammates bolted into the stadium and saw Sheila facing her opponent. “SHEILA! What do you think you’re doing?!” Aurora shouted.

“Howdy, fellas!” To their surprise, Kokichi greeted them with a vibrant grin. “This your first time here? How ’bout placing a bet! Matches are always more exciting when your livelihood is on the line.”

“That’s our friend in there! We didn’t agree to sign her up for this!”

“There you guys are.” Mason came jogging up the aisles. “Look, let me explain.”

“Three…two…one… GO!”

Tani gave a battle cry and ran to jab her spear at Sheila, the Faunus quickly dodging before swinging a kick. Tani back-flipped and shot an arrow at Sheila’s right hip. Sheila grunted and began to whirl her fist, evading Tani’s arrows while keeping her sights on the pirate. Sheila launched her fist, but Tani dodged and spun toward Sheila with spear outreached. Sheila quickly ran backwards, controlling the thrown Light Fist as she made it ricochet in the air and come back at Tani. The Forest Princess was punched in the jaw, Tani falling in the artificial river, but she willed the vines of a tree to grab her and throw her at Sheila.

Sheila brought up her fist to defend from Tani’s whirling kick. The plantbender was swift to bounce back to recovery and cut Sheila’s arm with the spear’s tip. Blimey, holding back is a pain. Don’t mean she’s gonna do the same. Hehe, it rhymes, eh? With a humored grin, Sheila used Light Feet to zip circles around Tani, who braced herself to dodge in whichever direction. Sheila finally zipped up, jumped, and brought a foot down, Tani dodging as it broke through the platform. Tani shot arrows, noticing that Sheila was only using one Light Foot now. Tani gasped in realization, but could not dodge in time before the other foot burst up through the platform and kicked Tani in the chin!

During this time, Mason explained what led to Sheila entering this match. “So, she’s trying to help a friend.” Haruka summarized. “Well, I guess that isn’t too bad. And I guess we need to participate in their games, anyway. We were just a little worried because…”

“Oh, so this fight is all a hoax, huh?” Kokichi asked, startling the group; they had completely forgotten his presence. “I see… That’s a problem, because Tani kinda made a bet with me before this match started. If she wins, she gets my authority over Goldpaw, and a chance to be Captain. Gee, I shouldn’t have taken this bet…” He bowed his head, downtrodden.

“Uhh…” Mason mentally panicked, cursing himself for screwing up the plan like this.

“Oh, no worries.” Kokichi smiled modestly. “I won’t call the bet off. After all, it’s for a good cause, right?”

“Um… okay?” Mason cocked a brow in suspicion.

“CHANGE FIELDS!” The jungle river setting suddenly morphed into a sky, Sheila and Tani catching their balance on a tilting plane! Sheila glanced down left, seeing another plane about to pass below them, and smirked. Sheila jumped and Ground Pounded the wing, causing the plane to spin. “Whoooaaa!” Tani held onto the other wing while Sheila dropped to the lower plane. The upper plane stopped spinning, but was upside-down as Tani hung on the side. Sheila punched a Light Fist up, but Tani dodged by dropping down, falling past Sheila’s plane, but the admirer stretched up her potted vines to catch the wing.

Tani swung up onto Sheila’s plane and shot Haki arrows at her hero, and with less room to maneuver, Sheila suffered some cuts from the three-shot bow. Sheila spun around with a Light Tail and tried to whack Tani off, the forest girl running and leaping off the wing and onto another plane. Sheila ceased spinning and followed her, but the planes were growing too far apart. Sheila charged up a Light Fist and fired, but Tani ducked and shot an arrow at the propeller of Sheila’s plane. This caused the plane to short out and sink. Sheila, still in control of the thrown Light Fist, willed it to bounce around the air again on a route to Tani.

The Forest Princess spotted the fist and decided to jump down to Sheila’s plane, the latter having to roll back to avoid being crushed. This caused the plane to tilt, Sheila nearly slipping off the opposite wing, but she pressed her fingers to it to hang on. Sheila used her free hand to control the still-flying fist, and was about to punch Tani off the plane. Tani was one step ahead, imbuing her spear with Haki and BATTING the Light Fist with excellent timing, striking Sheila as she took the fall.

“OW!!” Skaios screamed, blasting air in blind excitement. “I FEEL LIKE I FELT THAT, AND IT FELT GOOD! … …Oops.” It was then he realized his air blast killed the audience to his left. All the other surrounding people began to get away from him out of fear.

“YOU IDIOT!” Midna smacked him in the head. “This is why you need to CONTROL yourself!”

“Hey, it’s no big deal, they’ll just become spirits!”

“Ugh, you really don’t understand a thing!”

“C-Can’t this wait until after the fight?”

“CHANGE FIELDS!” Just as Sheila was falling, the field morphed again, giving it the form of two large platforms, separated by a chasm. The only way to travel between them is via cannons. Sheila ran up to deal rapid Light Punches at Tani, the girl blocking with her Haki spear as fast as possible, but Sheila managed to get some punches, prompting Tani to back off. Sheila, I get that you’re not trying to make it too obvious, but you could start showing a little fatigue.

“Quit runnin’, you coward!” Sheila yelled, entering her Midas Body form. Her sunny body warmed the entire stadium.

“The… Will of Rebellion?” Mason questioned, after hearing his friends’ explanation.

“That’s why we think Sheila is in danger.” Haylee replied. “Around Skaios, Sheila could lose her sense of restraint.”

“Um, I think Skaios is supposed to be here, but…”

Tani could not keep track of Sheila’s light speed, the Faunus laying several powerful punches upon her. “What the hell, Sheila?! You’re hitting me too—” Sheila kicked her toward the cannons. “Oh, flip this!” Tani jumped in a cannon and blasted over to the other field. She chose to wait until Sheila’s Fury wore off and would use the cannons again if she came over here. However, Sheila appeared to be aiming her fists at the sun and was forming two gigantic Light Fists. Her fists were large enough to cross the width of Tani’s area. Once Sheila was finished, she faced Tani and launched both fists. “FLIPPIN’ HE—!”

The fists crashed into the side of the stadium, disappearing to reveal a torn Tani. The stadium changed into a regular form as the pirate dropped in defeat. “TANIIII!” Batu bolted onto the field.

“AND SHEILA WINS THE COMBAT!” Kokichi cheered.

“YEEEEEEHHH!” Sheila beamed. “Sunny Fist shines like a—arrrhhh…” Sheila’s Fury wore off, the raccoon kneeling in exhaust. “Ouch… me muscles… they hurt.”

“SHEILA!” Tani bellowed as Batu carried her to her former hero. “WHAT THE HELL?! You were supposed to let me WIN! You didn’t hold back at all!”

“Holdin’ back is for sissies! If you weren’t tough enough, you weren’t worth the—ow.”

“Nee hee hee! Such a shame your plan didn’t work.” Kokichi approached them with a shiny grin. “I guess your precious Sheila was just lying to you. In any case, the bet is fulfilled: not only do I keep my control of Goldpaw, but Evermore is officially MY property! And as the ruler of Evermore, I forbid the Cloudcoil Pirates from setting foot on my land.”

“WHAT?! But that totally breaks the rules of this-”

“WHO CARES ABOUT THE RULES?!” Kokichi’s skin turned black, and his hair white. “Rules are meant to be broken, that’s the entire point of this place! I’m totally gonna remodel Evermore and you’ll have NO say in it!”

“The HELL we don’t, ye skinny brat!” Batu thundered. But it was then he received a call from Khunbish.

“Captain Batu! All the crewmen have just been forced out of Evermore! We can’t get back in because of some barrier!”

“What?! But you…”

“HA HA HA HA!” Darkness shrouded Kokichi. “The Dice-Dice Fruit gives me ultimate control over anything I win! Get used to it, kid, because your kingdom is NEVER going back to its-”

A flaming fist PUNCHED the side of his head, Kokichi keeling over. “You look like a real shady bastard.” Chris stated. “You KNEW Sheila was gonna lose her restraint.”

“WAAAAAAH!” Kokichi cried like a child. “It wasn’t my fault! ! I had no idea what they were planning, honest! I just wanted to make a beeeeeet!”

“You wanna bet?!” Dillon shouted. “You can bet we’re gonna beat the crap out of you if you don’t-”

“HEY, DILLON!” Vanellope glitched over, wearing a white straitjacket and clown mask. “I’m in the Dice Pirates now!”

“You’re WHAT?!”

“I made a bet with one of the crewmen, if Sheila didn’t win by the 2nd field change, I would join them. ’Guess you’re gonna hafta get Carol in your crew again!”

“Oh, did I forget to mention?” Kokichi asked. “My crewmen are allowed to make bets on my behalf, which means they can sorta use the Dice-Dice Fruit, too. So, Vanellope is now my property.”

“Vanel is NOT property!” Dillon argued. “She’s a person!”

“Doesn’t matter! She’s not allowed to work for your team, anymore!”

“Sorry, Dillon, I’ll miss ya! Sheila, race you around the top of the stadium!” She zipped away.

“YOU’RE ON!” The excited raccoon raced after—“Ow.” She tripped.

“Oh, man.” Mason sighed, helping his friend up. “Sheila, your chi paths have been hurting ever since the Blackbeard fight. You need to watch how much you use your power.”

“I’ll say.” Batu said angrily.

“Ah, well, I have places to be, so I can’t be your punching bag.” Kokichi said, casually brushing the dirt off himself. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of your Penelope.” And he calmly walked out of the stadium.

Dillon grit his teeth in anger and was about to correct him, until another sight caught his eyes: “Mortal lives aren’t something you can just take away!” Midna was shouting at Skaios. “You spout all this nonsense about freedom, but you don’t give them the freedom to live!”

“W-What’s the big deal?! Everyone dies and becomes spirits, it’s what makes them free!”

“Mortals are meant to live and influence the Mortal World, which will thereby influence the Spirit World. If people die suddenly, their spirits will despair and be corrupted by darkness, ESPECIALLY if a god kills them! I won’t sit by and let you think you can do whatever you want!”

“OKAY!” Skaios shut his eye, shrinking in Midna’s imposing, authoritive shadow. “I’m sorry! I won’t do it again, I promise! …?” Those words stirred an unusual feeling in Skaios. He can’t remember ever being scolded, and yet he instinctively knew the right words to say.

“Sigh… Let’s go to your room to talk.” Midna held his hand and walked him out of the stadium. She glanced at the field, her eye perking up when she noticed Dillon staring at her. She decided to send her shadow to the operatives.

Vanellope was now racing her fellow Dice Pirates around the stadium roof, but she stopped when a heavy feeling touched her heart. “Wait… did I just bet myself?” She took off her mask and looked down at Sector V. “Did I just abandon my team… over a bet?”

“Oi, Penelope, why’d you stop?” a buff Dice Pirate asked.

“Uh, guys? I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I’m going back to-” But an unseen force prevented her from going back.

“It’s too late for that, mate. You already lost the bet. You can only leave if Cap’n Kokichi lets ya.”

“I…I can’t?”