Chapter Text
Dean rolled over and stared at the ceiling. The only sounds in the room were that of Sam's breathing and the creaky, old air conditioning system. Sam was sound asleep and had been for several hours now, but, even though he was exhausted, Dean just couldn't seem to fall asleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Castiel's face.
"Stupid angel," he muttered under his breath, sitting up and punching at his pillow. A bed was surprisingly uncomfortable after over a year of resting on the hard ground. But Sam would just look at him weird if Dean crashed on the floor. Or worse, he'd give Dean another lecture about the kind of germs you could find in hotel rooms.
Sam just didn't get it. That was the problem. Dean would love to be able to fall asleep in a bed. He'd love to be able to get a full night's sleep. He'd love to wake up rested and ready to hit the road, searching for their next hunt. But it wasn't that easy. Never before had Dean Winchester struggled with insomnia, but he was suddenly much more understanding of that insomniac werewolf they'd faced once.
He rolled over before laying back down, looking at Sam. From here, he could just make out the way that Sam's chest rose and fell with each breath. It was easy to see considering that Sam had tossed the blanket aside and was sleeping with his legs and arms spread wide. Dean had to wonder how Sam had ever shared a bed with that Amelia chick.
Dean stayed in the bed for another half an hour before he gave up. Just as the sun was cresting the horizon, he got up and hauled on jeans, a t-shirt and a plaid button-down, then snuck out of the hotel room. It was unusually cool and he shivered a little. Something else that was different from Purgatory, where the days and nights had blurred together and the temperature had rarely changed.
He locked the door behind him and headed across the street to the little diner that he and Sam had had dinner in the night before. As he walked in, he automatically scanned the diner. The only other occupants were a cook in the kitchen, a very tired looking waitress manning the counter, a couple of truckers in the back corner, and a short guy sitting in a booth on the other side.
He started to walk to the counter, then stopped. Very slowly, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him and half-hoping that they weren't, he backed up and walked towards the booth. His heart pounded in his chest as he came up level with the booth and got his first good look at the guy sitting there.
"You gotta be shittin' me," Dean said.
"Hi to you too," Gabriel said, tossing Dean a careless salute. "What took so long?"
Dean stared at him, shifting his weight from foot to foot, and finally said, "It's 5:30 in the morning."
"You weren't sleeping," Gabriel said simply.
"Okay, number one that's really creepy. And number two, stop invading my privacy." Dean considered, for a few seconds, just walking away, but he had the feeling that it would only end with Gabriel chasing him down somewhere else. Whatever this conversation was about, it was probably best held away from prying ears and eyes - and that included Sam.
So he sat in the booth across from Gabriel, giving the archangel a hard look as the waitress came over with menus. Gabriel didn't look very good. He was thinner than Dean remembered, with straggly hair down to his shoulders and a tired expression. He asked the waitress for coffee with six sugars in a quiet voice. Dean made a face and ordered his coffee black.
"Black? Seriously? You trying to compensate for something?" Gabriel asked, both eyebrows raised.
"At least I'm not trying to work myself into a sugar coma," Dean countered. Truthfully, he usually did like a little cream and sugar in his coffee if he was alone. But he wasn't about to admit that to Gabriel.
"It's been a long fucking few years. I need the energy," Gabriel said, and for once it didn't sound like he was joking around.
The waitress returned and set their coffees down, then took their orders and left again. In her wake, an uncomfortable silence fell that Dean wasn't sure how to break. He watched Gabriel sip at his coffee and wondered how Gabriel had come to be here, when last Dean had heard Gabriel was still dead.
Finally, he just came right out with it and asked. "I thought you were dead?"
"I was," Gabriel said. "But I'm not now."
"Okay. How?" Dean asked bluntly.
"You weren't the only person trapped in Purgatory," Gabriel said.
Dean froze, because he hadn't expected that. "You were there too?"
Gabriel smiled bitterly over his mug. "Turns out that when archangels are killed by other archangels, it's not nearly so easy as dying. I'm still putting myself back together. It took me forever to track you and Sammy down."
"How did you get out?" Dean said, his mind racing. He was almost afraid to ask about the elephant in the room. He licked his lips, trying to gather the courage, and Gabriel rolled his eyes.
"Oh for - just ask, Dean-o."
"Cas?" Dean whispered.
"I have him," Gabriel said, no beating around the bush, and the hard ball of tension in Dean's chest abruptly eased. For the first time since he'd escaped Purgatory, Dean felt like he could breathe again.
"How is he? Where is he? Why isn't he with you? Does -" Dean stopped, both because Gabriel was holding up a hand and because he didn't want to ask Gabriel, of all people, whether Castiel hated him.
"He's fine for the most part," Gabriel said. "But..."
"But?" Dean repeated.
"He's not the angel you knew, Dean. Purgatory... it's harder on angels than humans." Gabriel's eyes flicked away briefly, like he was looking at something Dean couldn't see. Dean resisted the urge to follow Gabriel's gaze. He knew there was nothing there. He'd gone through the same song and dance with Sam multiple times, and Sam got mad every single time and would accuse Dean of staring off into space instead of listening.
But Dean wasn't just staring off into space. He was remembering.
"Tell me," Dean said, trying to keep his voice level, and took a sip of his coffee to hid the tremble working its way through him.
"His mind was broken by Purgatory. He... he acts like a human child," Gabriel said bluntly. "Not all the time, but most of the time. He... I'm doing what I can, but I - I'm not used to it, and it's hard." He rubbed a shaking hand over his face. "He needs more than what I can give him, honestly. I don't know what the hell I'm doing."
Dean sat there for a moment, absorbing this. Then he said, "What do you mean, a human child?"
"His grace has dwindled to next to nothing. It's going to take a lot of time to build it back up. So he needs to eat and shit and, you know, sustain his vessel somehow. But he can't control any of it or even feed himself." Gabriel was visibly drooping with each word he spoke. "He cries constantly. I think he misses you."
"Are you serious right now?" Dean asked, narrowing his eyes. "Is this another stupid joke?"
"I wish," Gabriel said with a bitter laugh. "I've never seen an angel get stripped down to their basics like this. It's - fuck, Dean, I wouldn't be here if I was capable of taking care of him by myself. I'm so far in over my head right now." His voice cracked.
Dean just looked at Gabriel for the longest time. If it were anyone else, Dean might've thought this really was another joke. But right now there was something honest about the desperate look in Gabriel's eyes. He thought back to before they'd been trapped in Purgatory, when Castiel had lost his mind after helping Sam. Obviously that situation hadn't been as dire, but Castiel hadn't been able to look after himself then either.
He thought back the time he'd called Castiel a "baby in a trench coat". He'd never expected that comment might come back to bite them all in the ass like this.
"I want to see him," Dean said. He swallowed hard and drained his mug of coffee.
"Done," Gabriel said, getting up.
"Hey wait, your food!" the waitress shouted.
Dean peeled off a couple bills and threw them on the table without answering. He'd never been less hungry in his life. He followed Gabriel out of the diner and was unsurprised when Gabriel gripped his arm the instant they were out of view of the people inside. The world turned upside down, the diner disappeared, and the next thing Dean knew he was standing inside of a familiar, shitty motel room.
"You've got to be joking. You're staying in the same motel as us?" Dean said.
Gabriel threw him a flat look. "Do you see anywhere else we could've stayed?" he snapped back. "This town is so small it only has one motel."
He moved closer to the furthest bed from the door as he spoke. Golden light surrounded the bed in a bubble. Gabriel snapped his fingers and the light dissolved, revealing the bunched up covers. They shifted immediately, revealing a flushed and familiar face. As soon as Castiel saw them, his face screwed up and he started to cry.
Dean was jolted into motion before he could stop himself; he'd spent the better part of his life tending to Sam, and his body was conditioned to respond to the wails of a baby whether he liked it or not. He was across the room before he even registered he was moving, reaching out to Castiel.
"Hey, no, shh. Don't cry, Cas. You don't need to cry. It's okay." Dean sat on the bed and pulled Castiel up into a hug. It was a little weird, sort of awkward, because Castiel was still in Jimmy's very adult body. But the way Castiel snuffled and nuzzled into Dean's neck was entirely infant-like.
He rubbed Castiel's back, looking up at Gabriel. "How long is he going to be like this? Does he even know what's going on? How did he get out of Purgatory? How did you get out of Purgatory? How long have you been out, and why didn't you come find us sooner? Why didn't -"
"Whoa," Gabriel said, holding his hands up. "I'll answer whatever questions you want, but - but please take care of Cassie first."
Dean frowned at him, but figured that was fair. "You said he can't control anything."
Gabriel nodded miserably. "He pissed on me last night."
For the record, Dean tried hard not to laugh. He failed, but he did try. "Okay. Snap me up some diapers and wipes and, uh, anything else a baby needs, I guess."
"Which is...?" Gabriel said expectantly.
"Dude, are you serious right now?"
Gabriel threw his hands up. "I'm an angel, Dean! I don't deal with human children. Ever. Angels come into being fully formed. There is no growing involved. Cassie shouldn't be like this, except that he was inside of his human vessel when it happened. A vessel he's gotten way too attached to. Don't you think I would've helped him by now if I knew how?!" He was practically shouting by the end of it.
Castiel began to cry. It was the deep, panicked sobbing of a baby upset because someone else was upset. Dean glowered at Gabriel even as he hugged Castiel closer. As weird as this was, and it was definitely weird, it was making him remember all the nights he'd done the same thing for Sam back when John used to leave them to go hunting.
"Alright, calm down. Babies can sense your emotions," Dean said briskly. "From what you're saying, Cas needs the works right now. I'll make up a list and you can either snap it up or go get it. Once we get Cas settled, you're telling me everything. Got it?"
Looking relieved that Dean had taken charge, Gabriel nodded. "Yes. Anything. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it."
Dean cast his mind back to everything six-month-old Sam had needed. He didn't know what was going on with Castiel, and he definitely didn't know whether Castiel was really mentally like a baby right now, but he figured it was better safe than sorry. He grabbed a notepad off the nightstand, uncapped a pan, and started scribbling out a list.