Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They're letting me go.

It's the strangest feeling, being handed a bag you haven't felt in what, eleven? Twelve years? And then being sent out into the world and expected to know your way around. He was utterly overwhelmed. Dressed in something other than prison jumpsuits for the first time in over a decade, he squinted in the afternoon sun and listened to the prison gates close behind him.

He was actually free.

That being said, he had no one here to claim him. Innocent or not (or rather, unable to really be proven guilty or not), his family wanted nothing to do with him. The courts had spent years trying to nail down what had actually happened, who had actually killed those people. Even Adachi's story had too many holes, and try as they might, they couldn't ever get enough decisive evidence to nail him to that cross. So they had no choice but to let him go. Admitting to the crime wasn't enough when there were still holes in your story like why is there no DNA evidence of you at the crime scenes and can you describe the methods for how you placed the victim's bodies and if this was your doing, how is Council Secretary Namatame involved? He didn't have good enough answers, and they couldn't keep him. The strangest case Inaba had seen in ages.

In the long run, he'd gotten lucky. Normally, he would have been executed. But as the cop's daughter had told him, Dojima had fought for Adachi to be granted a prison sentence, rather than death. He owed his life to Dojima...and for once, didn't resent that. He'd hated Dojima, at first. Had wanted to see him burn. Had hoped he'd show up on that stupid Midnight Channel, until... Well. That wasn't something that bore worth thinking of.

Her visit the year before had been odd. Nanako had grown into a stunning young woman—not that Adachi was surprised. From what he'd seen of the pictures, Chisato Dojima had been a knockout, and Ryotaro...okay, he'd admit it. Ryotaro was a good looking man himself. So the fact that Nanako was blow-you-away beautiful wasn't a shock. What had been a shock was that she'd come to visit him, and come by herself. Dojima had been very specific in not telling Adachi anything about her when he'd come visiting, saying that Adachi had no right to know anything about Nanako after what he'd done to her.

And Adachi hadn't argued. His actions had led to her—albeit temporary—death.

But then she'd come, and been emotional at him, and asked questions that still haunted him, and he didn't have any good answers for any of them. Then she'd left him with a letter from Narukami that had broken him all over again. He'd already decided to try to live a better life, to follow the rules of this world. Having Narukami actually offer some kind of redemption...it had been more than he could handle.

But now he was faced with the wide open world, and nowhere to go and no way to get anywhere. Fantastic. The cell phone in his bag had obviously not been charged in eleven years and hadn't had its bill paid in longer than that. He did have some money in his pockets, however. He slung the bag over his shoulder and made his way to the bus stop. Even if he didn't know where he was going, he could at least get somewhere on the bus.

Being back in Inaba was stranger than anything else. It looked so...normal. The shopping district had changed—all for the better—and grown, showing the influence Junes had built into the community. They'd grown together, and made Inaba all the better for it.

He wasn't sure how to feel.

“Man, and I thought Yu was kidding when he said they were letting you go.” Adachi whirled around to face the voice speaking, hand tightening on the strap of his bag. Light brown hair flopping into his eyes, the young man behind him had to be in his mid to late twenties...about Adachi's age when he'd been locked up. The man's arms were crossed over his chest, and something in the posture was familiar, though the face wasn't...wait. In the picture Nanako had shown him...

“...Hanamura?” His voice sounded rough to his ears, rusty from disuse.

“Huh, didn't think you knew my name. Or that you'd remember it.” The hatred the boy still felt toward him dripped off each word. “What are you doing back here?”

Good question. Adachi shook his head, shifting his bag. “Dunno, really. Couldn't think of anywhere else to go.”

Hanamura blinked at that, and shifted his posture. Still hostile, but less so now. “You're serious, aren't you? Man, I know Dojima-san said you were a model prisoner, but I didn't actually think you'd change.”

“Eleven years locked up gives you a lotta time to think.” His voice was slowly coming back to him, the light tone flat but present. “And besides, I told you guys when you dragged me in that I'd follow your rules. That hasn't changed.”

“Huh.” Hanamura put his hands in his pockets, flicking his hair out of his eyes. “So now what? Just planning on hanging out in the shopping district?”

“For now.” He didn't need to tell the prince of Junes he didn't have an apartment any more. ...At least, he didn't think he did. Eleven years later, surely they'd rented it out to someone else. “Don't you have something more interesting to do than bother convicted felons?”

The brunet shrugged. “I'm waiting for someone. Can't exactly say the same for you.”

“Yeah. I guess not.” Seeing an end to the already awkward conversation, Adachi started walking back down the road. He could pick up a different bus stop to his old apartment complex. Whoever Hanamura was waiting for, Adachi probably didn't want to see them.

Oddly enough, it was apparently difficult to rent an apartment which had once belonged to a suspected serial killer, even after you remodel it and make it three times as large. He couldn't promise payment, but the complex had given him his apartment back, complete with all his shitty quality furniture plus some. They had cleaned it out, at least. He'd need to find food, but then again, he hadn't had much in the cabinets before he'd gotten locked up.

He sat down on the couch, staring blankly at the switched-off TV set in front of him. It felt like a lifetime ago that he'd been in this very seat, watching this same screen and waiting with glee for the next sap to appear. Waiting for the next victim. Waiting for the next burst of excitement in his boring life. It all seemed so stupid now. What was he going to accomplish?

Getting myself out of the disaster I'd put myself in. As if Inaba was the worst place he could be. After eleven years in a concrete cell, Inaba was a bustling metropolis.

So what do I do now? He had no job, no hope of returning to his old one. No source of income. He had a roof over his head, at least for now. How does a convicted felon—acquitted or not—find a job? Maybe he could ask Dojima. Would his old supervisor even talk to him? He'd come to visit at the prison, but Adachi wasn't sure how much of that was out of a sense of duty.

Who all even knew he was out? Hanamura had said Narukami mentioned him getting out. Which meant it was likely Dojima knew. Maybe he could...

Knock knock knock.

Adachi jumped, the rapping at the door startling him out of his thoughts. Who...? He walked over to the door and pushed it open, trying to even fathom who could be knocking at his door.

Who he saw was not even close to anyone he'd expected. And yet, he wondered why he hadn't.

“Dad wondered if I'd find you here.” Nanako Dojima stood in the doorway, hair pulled over one shoulder, standing almost his height now. Somehow seeing her from the other side of a glass wall had lessened the impact of how much she'd grown since when he'd been locked away. Eighteen years old now, she was a fully-grown woman, with the looks to match. The body to match. Holy hell. That was disconcerting. Little Nanako was not supposed to have tits.

“I...um. Hi N-Nanako.” He took a step back, uncertain of what she was doing here. “Y-your dad...?”

“He knew you were getting out today, but got backed up at work so he couldn't come get you. I only just got out of school, so he called me and asked if I could check your old apartment, see if you'd gone back.”

“How...” He was at a loss for words.

She raised an eyebrow. “Really, Adachi? There's not that many places you could be.” She glanced over his shoulder. “Do you even have anything here?”

Adachi blinked, turning back to look into his apartment. “Some furniture...? I was going to figure out something about food later.”

“Come on. Dad gave me some money to get you started. We'll go to Junes.” Nanako tilted her head, indicating back outside. When Adachi didn't move, she sighed. “Come on. Dad put up with your shit for all that time, and still came to see your sorry ass in prison. You don't think he'll at least buy you some ramen and miso when you get out? Let's go.”

Adachi recognized that tone; she'd inherited it from her father. “Yes ma'am.” Who was he to argue if Dojima wanted to buy him some food? It wasn't like he had any way to buy it himself right now.

A few hours later, Adachi found himself seated at his own table, watching Nanako Dojima make him dinner. She hadn't asked, and had rather simply asserted that he was not capable of doing such himself, so why didn't he just go sit down and stop being in the way.

Couldn't tell who her father was.

“Nanako?” he spoke up, peering into the kitchen. He was fairly certain she was making curry. That's what he thought curry smelled like, at least.

“Hm?”

“Why...” He cleared his throat. “You seemed mad at me the last time you saw me.”

She didn't turn around, her voice staying even. “I was.”

He paused. “And...you're not now?”

“What makes you think that?”

“You're making me dinner.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Now she looked over her shoulder at him, eyes leveling him. Adachi couldn't answer. After a beat, she turned back to the stove. “My cousin is willing to give you a second chance. So I am too.”

The frog that had taken up residence in Adachi's throat could fuck right off, thank you very much. He coughed. “I never...” His voice gave out, and he didn't try to finish it again. She knew what he was going to say. That he hadn't intended for any of this to happen to her, that he'd been horrified when Namatame had attacked her, that no, she hadn't imagined him coming to her bedside all those years ago...

“I know.” She flicked off the stove, transferred the food into two dishes, and brought them over to the table, setting one down in front of Adachi. “You told me. And I remember what you sounded like that night.”

He swallowed hard again, peering down at the curry. “Right.”

Nanako offered him a pair of chopsticks, which he took with a nod of thanks. “I'm not really. Mad anymore, that is. I was, before. Back when I didn't know what was happening. When I was trying to figure out who you were.”

“Still working on that myself,” he muttered, poking at the rice.

“Good.” When he looked up at her, she managed a faint smile. “If you hadn't changed at all in eleven years, I'd be pretty disappointed. But even when I saw you last year, I could tell something was different.”

“Getting locked up for that long will do that.” He tried a bite. Spicier than he'd expected, but he was used to prison food—and a Nanako who didn't like spice. Eleven years. Mind-boggling.

“I bet.” She was content to keep the silence for a while as they ate. Adachi hadn't realized how boring the food in prison was until he was actually eating home-cooked food again. There was more flavor in one bite of this curry than in every meal he'd eaten in the last eleven years combined. Hearing a soft sound, he looked up at Nanako, who had one hand covering her mouth, clearly hiding a smile. “Sorry.”

“What?” He swallowed, blinking.

“Just...the look on your face. If you need a minute alone with the food, I can leave the room.” He could hear the grin on her face.

And once he'd attached the innuendo to her sentence, he could feel his face flush. “Wh—I...” Nanako burst out laughing, and he just felt his face get hotter. “Come on, Nanako. You try eating cardboard for eleven years and then eat your cooking. You've always been a really good cook.”

“Thank you. Curry's always been my favorite.” She pulled her hand away, though still smiling. Adachi couldn't help but watch her, eyes shining with amusement, lips twisted in a smile she was still trying to hide. She really had grown up to look just like her mother, but there was a strength in her eyes, in the way she held herself that was all Ryotaro. Makes me wish I'd gotten a chance to meet her mother.

After a moment, he realized he was still staring. Shaking his head, he quickly looked down to his bowl. “Sorry. Lost track of my thoughts for a second there.”

“It's okay.” Nanako's voice was soft, and when Adachi chanced a glance up, she was looking down again too and...no, it had to be the lighting, but for a moment it looked like her cheeks were just a little pink. They ate the rest of the meal in silence, and Adachi took the bowls to wash them before Nanako could. It was the least he could do.

“Thanks for the food, Nanako. Tell Dojima I appreciate it.” Such a simple task, washing dishes, but it felt alien.

“I will. You'll come see us, right? I'm sure Dad will want to see you, and I doubt he'll come out here.” She leaned against the counter, face tilted toward him.

“Sure. Just like old times, except without all the lies, yeah?” The smile came easily to his lips; it was the same one he'd worn so often back then. With the self-demeaning words, it was second nature.

“Just like old times.” Nanako's voice had gotten soft again, and Adachi looked over to see her staring at the countertop.

“Hey.” Her eyes snapped up to him. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just thinking.” She straightened up. “I'd better get home before Dad thinks I've been kidnapped. Again.” Adachi winced, but Nanako gave him a smile. “Sorry, bad taste. Come by any time, just call first, okay? It's usually just me and Dad, but sometimes Yu and Yosuke come over too. We just need to know how many people to plan on.”

“Absolutely. Thanks again.” Nanako just winked and slipped into her shoes, and headed out the door.

It was nearly five minutes later before Adachi realized he'd stopped moving.

Being in the real world was weird.

Originally, Adachi had planned on hiding out in his apartment for a while before trying to reintegrate himself into Inaba life, but two days in he'd had enough of his empty place. Something had to be out there for him to do, even if it was just a two-bit part-time job. Didn't kids get those? Narukami had always been babbling about some job or another. He hadn't really been paying attention.

So he'd caught the bus down to the shopping district and stood in front of the bulletin board, looking for anything he could do. Anything someone would hire him for. He'd already seen more than a few people give him the stink eye and shuffle away as fast as they could—including a kid he was pretty sure was related to one of the victims from back then. If looks could kill.

He tried not to focus on it. The kid had every reason to be angry. His...sister? Probably. His sister was dead, and as far as anyone knew, it was Adachi's fault. (Actually, if it was who he thought it was, it genuinely was Adachi's fault.) He couldn't expect the kid to suddenly think everything was better now, just because time had passed. His sister was still dead. That kind of thing stays with you.

“Adachi?” His name still sounded wrong in his ears, but he turned to see a young woman behind him, long hair pulled back into a ponytail and sharp eyes fixed on his. Again with the “don't I know you” looks. Um... He blinked at her, and she continued. “I've been following your case. Congratulations on the release.”

The combination of tension in her tone with the congratulatory remark suddenly brought her identity back to him. “Thanks, Shirogane. Surprised to hear that from you.”

She gave a one-shouldered shrug. “As I said, I've been following the case. Knowing it from both a personal and a professional point of view, the ruling was inevitable. I believe justice has been done. Do you?”

That took him back a moment. Do I? “I...yeah, I guess.” When she kept watching him, he tried to extrapolate. “I mean, eleven years gives a person time to think, yeah? And so I thought about it, and I'm working on being better. So...” He shrugged back at her. “Yeah.”

“And what are you going to do now?” She shifted her weight, eyes never leaving his. “Do you believe that your incarceration is atonement enough, or are you going to attempt to right the wrongs you committed to the best of your ability?”

His eyes narrowed. “I can't bring people back to life, Shirogane. What can I do to right anything?”

“Perhaps a good thing to think about.” Naoto tucked a stray bit of hair behind an ear. “What are you planning on doing for work?”

Talk about non-sequiturs. “Haven't found anything yet.” He gestured to the board. “Though I bet I could make a killing out of paper cranes.” When her eyebrow quirked up, he smacked his forehead. “Oh jeez...”

“Perhaps not your best word choice.” Luckily, the detective sounded amused more than anything. “And indeed, perhaps you can do well for yourself folding cranes and envelopes, translating documents into English and what have you. However, I feel that may be a waste of your abilities. A felon you may be, but you're still a former police officer.”

“The force won't touch me, and I don't blame them,” he shot back.

Her lips quirked in a smile. “No, I wouldn't expect the Inaba police department to want anything to do with you, but that is not to say that there aren't individuals in the criminal justice field who wouldn't be willing to give you a second chance, even if it is merely a desk job.”

Adachi sighed. “Honestly, a desk job sounds really great. Any job sounds great.”

“Then I'll expect you at the office tomorrow.” The shock must have been written all over his face, because Naoto actually laughed. “I'm not a student anymore, Adachi. I've been working as an independent investigator for nearly seven years now. Between my life and work here in Inaba, and my satellite work in Tokyo, I keep myself busy. I could use a set of hands in the office here, particularly when I'm away. I'm willing to give you the position for a 90-day probationary period, in which you prove to me you're actually willing to work legitimately. Then we consider continuing employment. Does that sound fair?”

Adachi couldn't speak at first. “I...you're serious.”

“It's not as if I need to ask your credentials,” she replied. “I know where you've worked, and I know who you would mark as references. And I know why you would have difficulty finding a job elsewhere. Should I be concerned I'm making a mistake?"

“No!” Maybe he answered too quickly. “No, I can do it. I won't jerk you around.”

The smile she gave him was light. “Let your actions speak for you. Your words have lied too easily in the past.” Despite her words, Adachi felt better for it. At least she was acknowledging what had happened. “I'll be in contact with you. I assume you're living in the same location as before?”

Adachi nodded. “Yeah.”

“I'll find you then, likely tomorrow or the next day.” She gave a sharp nod, and Adachi took the hint that the conversation had ended. “Take care, Adachi.”

“Uh...y-yeah. You too, Shirogane.” She headed off and Adachi stared back at the board. Maybe I don't need to fold cranes anyway. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he fished it out. Who even has my number anymore? It wasn't a number in his phone book, but that wasn't hard to do.

hi adachi, it's nanako. dad wants to know if you can come to dinner tomorrow. yu will be here but not yosuke. i thought that might be easier for you.

It still sent an odd shock through his chest, seeing that not only was Nanako old enough to have a cell phone (eleven goddamn years) but that she was still talking to him. That Dojima was inviting him over for dinner. That for just a brief moment, it felt like he had been given a second chance to fix the things he'd fucked up back in the day.

Sure. I'll be there. Just tell me when.

He'd take it, if he was truly being given this. What else could he do?

Standing in front of the Dojima house was paralyzing. When was the last time he'd been here? Before Nanako's abduction, so...could it have really been the dinner “celebrating” getting Shirogane back? Or no, had Narukami made him come over for dinner after that? It all blurred together now.

He couldn't knock. He couldn't move. What was he supposed to do? Just act like nothing had happened?

You know these people. You know Dojima. Do you really think you can piss him off more than you already have? He took a breath and tapped at the door.

There was a moment of muffled voices, then the door slid open—revealing Narukami himself. The hair was shorter now, but still grey; the eyes were just as sharp. But it was the smile that threw him off. The smile he hadn't expected. “Adachi. Good to see you.”

Adachi blinked, but gave Narukami a nod. “Y-yeah, same to you.” He shifted on his feet. “I was told you all were expecting me for dinner?”

“Of course, come on in.” Narukami stepped away from the door, letting Adachi walk in and take off his shoes. “How have you been since you got out? I'm sorry I didn't come by sooner.”

“I'm...adjusting.” He wouldn't look back up at the young man. “It's a different world than the one I left.”

“I can believe it.” There was a pause, and Adachi could tell something was coming, so he waited before walking further in. “Did... Nanako told me she gave you my letter.”

Adachi nodded. “I'm considering it. It's...hard to think about.”

Narukami offered a small smile. “I know. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere.” The young man tilted his head and the two walked in, and the wave of nostalgia could have knocked Adachi off his feet. Save for some more gray in Dojima's hair and a few more lines on his face, and the fact that Nanako wasn't a seven-year-old anymore, it could have been just another day from all those years ago.

Nanako looked up and greeted him with a smile just as bright as she'd always had. “Adachi! You did come!”

He couldn't help but smile back. “Well yeah, I said I would, didn't I? I try not to break promises.” His eyes kept flickering to his old boss, trying to get any feeling for what the man was thinking, whether he was actually okay with this, whether or not there was any trace of the man he'd used to know left in there. He'd been friendly enough but...

As if he could sense the hesitation, Dojima looked up to Adachi and gestured to the table. “Well don't just stand there; sit down. You know how this works; it's not your first time here.”

Adachi felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Maybe his tone was a little tighter, but Dojima's voice sounded just like before. “O-oh yeah, of course.” Adachi stepped over to sit across from Dojima, with Narukami on his left and Nanako to his right, just like usual. Nanako's smile didn't waver as she handed Adachi a bowl of rice. “Thanks, Nanako.”

“Hope you're hungry.” The grin widened. “I made curry.”

Adachi couldn't help but laugh. “You know me, I'm always up for your curry, Nanako.”

The conversation started stilted, but after a few halted conversations they got back into a rhythm, chatting about Narukami's job, Nanako's school and whatever was happening with the police force. No one asked Adachi about the years gone past, and he was perfectly okay with that. For just a few hours, he could pretend like the whole disaster had never happened. And when he managed to even get Dojima to laugh, he started to believe that maybe things really could change.

Chapter Text

Dinners at the Dojimas became commonplace, at least once or twice a week. The work for Shirogane was mindless, but familiar. She was only in the office half the week at most, but called in if she was out of town. He appreciated the level of trust she put in him, and tried to not make her regret it. If he was going to take Narukami's advice and try to make something decent of his life, then making sure that the first person who'd been willing to trust him stayed on his good side was priority number one. He wasn't going to get rich working for her, but it paid his bills and gave him a little to save.

It was a nice novelty. He could actually afford some decent furniture for once.

By six months out in the real world, he finally felt like he was getting the hang of free life again. He'd spoken, at least in passing, with all the kids—now young adults—who had put him behind bars. A few were still angry (and he understood why), but most of them seemed to be willing to let him try again. Satonaka had actually spent a whole evening with him, talking about making her way in the police force. She was making progress, and had made a good name for herself, but still had to fight against the fact that she was a woman in a male-dominated field. Adachi wasn't sure how much he was able to help her, but she seemed to appreciate the conversation.

It had just started getting cold enough to warrant using the new kotatsu he'd bought, and he was tucked under it, sipping a mug of tea when a torrent of banging fell on his door. He jumped, just barely setting the mug down before he spilled on himself. Who could be here? He stood, pushing his hair back from his face, and went to the door.

No sooner had he opened the door than the figure outside burst past him, dripping wet from rain he hadn't even realized was falling. “What the...Nanako?” She was soaked and not wearing a coat, but he recognized the figure immediately. “What are you doing here? Where's your coat?”

“I left it at home.” Her voice was rough and deeper than usual, and something told Adachi that it wasn't just because of the cold.

“And you left home without your coat because...?” He shut the door, trying to keep whatever warmth he had in the apartment inside.

“I left in a hurry.” When Adachi's eyes stayed on her, she glanced back and sighed. “I got into a fight with my father.” She pushed her hair back, shivering.

That got Adachi back to attention. “Oh jeez, you've got to be freezing... Hold on, I'll find a towel or a blanket or something.” He knew he didn't have much, even with his new purchases, but he had to have something. Ducking into the bathroom, he grabbed the biggest towel he owned—so what if it was the one he usually used—and brought it back out. Nanako had gotten out of her shoes and had her arms wrapped around herself, still dripping. “Here, wrap up in this. I've got my kotatsu on; you should warm up pretty quick over there.”

“Thanks.” She took the towel and rubbed it over her hair before wrapping it around her shoulders. “You don't mind that I'm all wet?”

“Nothing I own can't handle a little rain water. Come on.” He set a hand on her shoulder and led her over to the table, settling her at the kotatsu and making sure she had as much under the blanket as possible. “What are you fighting with your dad about?”

“Stupid shit.” The language still threw him off. “Nothing important, just one more thing he won't listen to me about.” She pulled the blanket closer. “I just needed to get out of the house.”

“And you came here? Why here? Why not with your cousin, or a friend or something?” Adachi leaned onto the table, eyebrows furrowed.

“Yu wouldn't understand. He'd just tell me to go home and talk things out with Dad. I don't want a problem solver. And if I went to a friend's house, Dad would know where to find me right away. I don't feel like him knowing where I am.” She lowered her head, still wet hair falling into her face.

Adachi still felt like he was missing something. “And...so you came here?”

Nanako glanced over at him. “Did you want me to leave?”

Something twisted in his chest at her look. He shook his head. “N-no, it's fine. I just...it just seems like I should be the last person you thought of.”

“You've been a good friend recently. I...” She broke off, her gaze falling back to her lap again. “I knew I'd be safe here, and you'd probably let me stay at least for a little while.”

“Well of course I will, especially when it's raining like that outside. Man, I'm surprised it's not snow. It's chilly out there.” He sighed and leaned back on his hands. “I don't know what all I can offer you, though. I don't even think I have a spare futon.” And I got rid of the couch, because it was a piece of shit, and I haven't bought a new one yet. “But you can stay as long as you want, though I'll probably have to cut you off after twenty-four hours or so. There's only so far I'm willing to push Dojima, even now.”

Nanako managed a small smile and nodded. “I can make do. Thanks, Adachi.” She took a deep breath and slowly sighed it out. “I like what you've done with the place so far. It's a little empty, though.”

“Yeah, the couch was...junk. And most of the furniture here has bad memories attached. I'd rather start over from scratch here, too.” He looked around. She was right, with the couch gone it really made the apartment look empty. He'd have to make that more of a priority.

“That makes sense.” She opened her mouth to say something else, but sneezed instead.

“Oh jeez, can I get you something? Here, this is still warm.” He pushed his mug of tea over to her.

Nanako blinked. “I...I don't want to steal your tea, Adachi.”

“It's not stealing if I give it to you, right?” He grinned and stood up. “Don't worry, I can just make more. You take that.”

“O-okay, thanks.” She wrapped her hands around it, and Adachi swallowed hard around the lump that formed in his throat. It didn't make any sense, whatever kept happening to him. Sure, it was weird seeing everyone all these years later, but...

His replacement tea was almost done steeping when his cell phone rang. Both he and Nanako froze, looking at his pocket. They let it hang for a moment before Adachi pulled his phone out of his pocket and peered at the name it had to be: Ryotaro Dojima. He sighed, steeled himself, and answered. “Yeah, Adachi here.”

“Adachi. It's Dojima.” He sounded stressed, unsurprisingly. “Do you have a minute?”

“Uh, yeah, sure, Dojima.” He leaned against the counter. “What is it?”

“I...” Dojima sighed. “Nanako and I got into an argument, and she ran out into the storm. I know she's not a child anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm not worried. You...” There was a pause. “You haven't seen her, have you?”

Adachi's eyes lifted, meeting Nanako's across the room. He could see her pleading with him, silently begging with her eyes to keep the secret. Adachi swallowed. “Why would I have seen Nanako?” Her eyes widened a fraction.

Dojima sighed. “I don't know. I've asked all her friends—I've even asked most of Yu's friends, and no one's seen her. I guess I'm just trying to cover all my bases.” He could almost hear Dojima's fist clenching. “Listen, if you see her...just tell her to come home, okay? Tell her...tell her I'll listen now.”

“Sure thing, Dojima. I'm sure she's fine. Nanako's a smart girl.”

“Yeah.” Dojima sighed again. “Sorry to bother you. I'll talk to you later.”

“See ya.” He ended the call and pocketed the phone, bringing his tea back to the table and sitting down. “He says you should come home, and he's willing to listen now.”

Nanako pursed her lips. “Did he tell you to send me home?”

Adachi shook his head. “Nope, just told me to tell you.” He offered a small smile. “So I've done all I was told to do.”

Nanako's eyes widened, and then she gave him a relieved smile. “Thank you so much, Adachi.” She looked like she was going to move, but then thought better of it. “I'd hug you if I wasn't still soaking wet.”

Adachi bit back an amused smile. “I think I could handle some rain water, but I appreciate it anyway.”

Nanako seemed to think about that for a moment, then looked at him. “Can I test that theory?” Her voice wavered, and Adachi's stomach twisted. “I just...I could use a hug.”

“Yeah, of course.” His voice was confident, but inside he was anything but. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd hugged someone – the last time he'd come into contact with anyone outside of a handshake. Wasn't touch starvation a thing? How did you know?

Nanako didn't give him time to put too much thought into it. She scooted around to his side of the kotatsu so that she was sitting next to him, then turned and wrapped her arms around his waist. An initial moment of frozen panic later, Adachi put his arm over her shoulders and hugged back best he could, given their positioning.

It was another long moment before anything was said, and if Adachi hadn't been listening for it, he would have missed it. “You're warm.”

Adachi breathed out a laugh. “Well, I wasn't out in a rainstorm.” He rubbed her shoulder slightly, the towel damp under his hand. “I wish I had something to offer you that would fit, so you could change into something dry.”

He heard her faint chuckle in return, but then nothing...and still she wasn't letting go. Now things were going to get awkward. Luckily (in his mind) any... situation that came up wouldn't be immediately obvious, but he was rather hoping to avoid any kind of “situation” with Nanako. Acknowledging that she was a grown young adult now was one thing. Anything beyond that was...not...advisable. On several counts.

No matter how attractive she'd grown up to be.

It had been just long enough for Adachi to think something was wrong, when he felt her hand clench on his shirt. “I'm really glad you're back,” Nanako whispered against his shoulder.

Adachi frowned. “Um... I mean, thank you, but...why?”

She shifted a bit, but didn't let him go. “I just feel... I feel like for the past eleven years, I've just been living in this weird limbo. Ever since you came to me at the hospital...and then after I found out what else had happened...I've just wanted to understand. But you were gone by the time I could have asked. So I just hoped that eventually we'd end up here, with me older, and...” Her voice trailed off.

“Well, now I'm here for as long as anyone will have me,” Adachi replied. “And...well, you heard most of what I had to say when you saw me last year. I was a selfish brat who wasn't getting what he wanted, and then got handed superpowers. I was a real jerk, and your cousin and his friends beat me down for it. I'm not sure what else to say.”

Now she pulled her head back, brown eyes fixed on his grey. “Why did you apologize to me? Why me and no one else? Why didn't you want anything to happen to me, but you didn't care about the others?”

Adachi froze. Why...indeed. “I...” He swallowed again. “You were...different. Everyone else just got this fake stupid idiot version of Adachi, but with you...it didn't feel like an act. I wanted to see you happy. I didn't want you to ever feel the way I did growing up, and so I wanted you to chase after whatever dream you wanted. And I knew your dad was kind of a hardass, so there probably wasn't a lot of silly in your life. I did what I could.” He didn't know where the words were coming from; he'd never put any of this into coherent thoughts before. “To be honest, it was your father I was hoping to see on the Midnight Channel that night. I don't know what I thought you were going to do without any parents, but...” He shook his head. “I felt sick when I saw you. I hoped Namatame wouldn't come after you.”

“And after...?” Adachi had to strain to hear her, even from this close.

“After I came and talked to you, I...I guess I just kinda lost whatever little grip on reality I had left. I didn't care what happened to me, to the world...everything just vanished into a haze. Honestly, my memories of the whole thing are pretty fuzzy.” Nanako finally decided to let Adachi go, and he internally sighed in relief. “I remember...” His mouth went dry, remembering the moment, still feeling the metal of the gun in his hand. “I remember trying to kill Narukami. I remember pointing the gun. And then...it's like I time-skipped. I was exhausted and on the ground and I just didn't care about fighting anymore. The gig was up and I knew it. They refused to kill me, to leave me for the Shadows...and then I got carted off to jail.” He shrugged.

He watched her hands clench into fists. “I don't get it.” He raised an eyebrow and she huffed out a breath, tugging the towel back up over her shoulders from where it had slid to the floor. “I understand what you did, and that what we saw is what you wanted us to see. I just...I didn't think anyone could be that good of an actor.”

Adachi let a small sad smile twist his mouth. “You'd be surprised what some people can do when they think they have nothing to lose.” And it was true; he'd joined the force so he could be cool like the cops on TV and shoot things with a gun. Shoot people who pissed him off. And then he got stuck in Inaba, with an overbearing supervisor, and it was just like home—just like school—just like everything he'd wanted to leave all over again. A repressed child grew into a bitter adolescent, who grew into a vindictive bordering-on-sociopath. How anyone was giving him a second chance was beyond him.

The two sat in silence, both sipping at their tea, watching the table. Adachi was more than warm enough, but he didn't have anywhere else to sit, and he didn't want to leave Nanako alone at the kotatsu. Luckily, Nanako took it on herself to break the silence a few moments later. “Are you going to make me go back tonight?”

Adachi paused. “Uh...” He glanced around his—very empty—apartment. “I mean, I won't force you, but I really don't have any place for you to sleep. I told you when you came that you could stay as long as you wanted, up to a day, and I won't take that back. I just can't imagine it'll be comfortable.”

“It's okay, I can make do. If you don't mind, I can just use the futon from the kotatsu, and just make sure I put it all back together in the morning.” She set her mug down, stretching forward onto the table. “I just don't want to face going back tonight.”

“I...well, hold on. Let me see if I have anything that would actually work properly first.” He set his mug down as well, and stood to walk back toward his room. He didn't have any confidence that the few closets he'd kept had anything in them that was worth keeping, but he wanted to at least check.

As he'd expected, all the closets were empty – and even if they hadn't been, anything he'd left in there would have been sitting for eleven years. Not fit for guests, even for him back then. “Adachi?” he heard Nanako call from the main room. “Just help me move the table. It's fine.” He sighed and came back, and did just that. Together they made short work of it, and she sat herself down on the rug. “Won't be the first time I slept under a kotatsu, probably won't be the last. Go get some sleep yourself, Adachi.” Then her voice softened. “I do really appreciate this.”

“Y-Yeah, sure. No problem, Nanako.”

After watching for a moment, Adachi just shook his head and made for the bathroom. The less he thought about what was going on in his living space, the better.

Some time in the middle of the night, Adachi found himself lying with his eyes wide open, completely awake—and with no idea of why. The apartment was silent, as far as he could tell. Why wouldn't it be? He held his breath, trying to hear what had woken him up. A moment later, he heard what it must have been: a soft whine from the main room of the apartment. It took another second before he remembered where it had to be coming from: Nanako. He wasn't sure whether to go out and see what was happening, or if just staying and minding his own business was the better idea. He closed his eyes, hoping a decision would come to him.

When the cries became more persistent, he couldn't handle it anymore. He climbed out of his futon and made his way back into the living space, where Nanako was clearly having nightmares. Trying to rub the sleep from his eyes, he knelt down next to her and gently shook her shoulder. “Nanako.” No response. He tried again, a little louder and more firm than last time. “Nanako.” She made a small pained noise but did not otherwise react. Adachi sighed, raising his voice again. “Nanako.”

This time, she gasped awake, cheeks streaked with tears, eyes wild until they found Adachi's, and she crumpled into tears. “I'm sorry,” she managed.

“What? No – no no, you don't need to be sorry about anything.” He shifted so that he was sitting next to her, so that when she fell into his chest, he was better prepared this time to hug her tight. “What's wrong?”

She didn't answer for a long moment, just calming her breathing as she leaned against him. Once she'd finally seemed to quiet, he heard her faint response. “My boyfriend broke up with me.”

“Boyfriend?” It clicked a few seconds later; there had been a young man standing next to her in the picture she'd showed him last year. Boyfriend would be the logical answer to who he was. “I...I'm sorry, Nanako.”

She shook her head, a movement he more felt than saw. “We...um.” She coughed. “We slept together. And then I kinda regretted it, and I told him I wanted to dial back the relationship, and he just kept pushing until I told him I was leaving, and then he said that if I walked out the door, he was breaking up with me. So I walked out.”

That was a dump of information Adachi hadn't been expecting. Shoving the vast majority of it aside, he picked what was probably the safest avenue to reply to. “Bad dream about him, then?”

She shrugged. “Kinda. I went home though and I was upset, and Dad asked why, and I explained what had happened and he just flipped out over the fact that I'd slept with Yuuta in the first place. He wouldn't even listen to the rest, like the fact that we'd broken up because I didn't want to do that anymore.”

Now all the pieces clicked into place. Adachi was willing to ignore the fact that his face was likely burning from the thought of Nanako being in a position to be sleeping with anyone, to focus on the fact that Nanako had made the mature decision and Dojima wasn't listening. He couldn't exactly empathize, since he'd never been in a similar situation, and his parents wouldn't have cared what he was doing even if he had. Whether or not Dojima's reaction had been reasonable was beyond him too; Adachi had no idea how young was too young. She was 18, so according to the law she was legal. Anything outside that was not something he was qualified to speak on.

“I'm sure your dad was just worried about you.” That seemed like a safe response.

“Worried I'd get. Asking if we'd been safe, clean, whatever – that was what I was expecting. Not the assumption that I was suddenly a whore.”

Hearing that word come out of her mouth knocked him off balance for a moment, but he fought to recover quickly. “I don't think your dad thought you were being a whore.”

“He sure sounded like it.” Her voice had gotten soft again, so he shifted a little so that he could face her, and her hands slid down to rest on his leg rather than around his waist. "I'm not stupid. My dad's a detective. I know the rules, and I know how to be safe. It just seems like he doesn't trust me."

"Nanako." Adachi's voice deadpanned, watching her until she met his eyes. "Your dad trusted you with everything from the first time I met you. He's trusted you with his house, his life, everything...for how long now. Twelve years and longer? This isn't about him trusting you. This is about his baby girl growing up. You're all he's had for a really long time. You growing up's gotta be hard for him. I mean, someday you're probably gonna move out, and I bet – even with all his tough attitude – your dad'll cry. Maybe not in front of you, but he will."

Nanako stayed silent for a long moment, searching his eyes for something, though he wasn't sure what. After what felt like hours, she finally came up with a response. "How can you tell? How do you know all that?"

And for the life of him, he had no idea what drove him to say the next sentence.

"Because I know I cried when I thought I'd lost you, too."

Chapter Text

Nanako hadn't had an answer for his statement, and to be honest, he didn't really have one either. She'd blushed, buried her face in the crook of her arm, and Adachi had left her to drift back to sleep. He wasn't sure he'd gotten any sleep after that--in fact, he'd be certain he hadn't if it wasn't for opening his eyes and it suddenly being morning. The entire night before felt like some kind of weird fever dream. Nanako, showing up in the pouring rain, asking to stay, crying in his arms over a bad dream...none of that could have been reality, right? He'd eaten some weird miso or something, and his brain went off on a tangent.

But as he stepped out of his room, there was one unmistakable piece of evidence saying that something had actually occurred last night.

He could smell bacon and eggs--and coffee. 

Adachi padded out into the kitchen, rumpling his hair as he rubbed his eyes. Nanako glanced over her shoulder at him from her position at the stove. "Good morning."

"Morning." He blinked and sat at the table, and without missing a beat she slid a mug of coffee to him without even moving from the stove. "Oh...uh, thanks."

"Mm-hmm." She dished up two plates, setting one in front of him and taking the other to her seat across from him, sipping her own coffee. "Sorry for invading your kitchen, but I didn't think you'd mind."

"No, I mean...thank you, so much." She'd done more than breakfast, he saw now; the dishes had been cleaned, counters had been wiped down, the kotatsu was put back together...she'd really done a number on the apartment, and all for the better. "You didn't have to."

"I know. But I wanted to." Now a small smile flickered on her lips, but it vanished quickly and she wouldn't quite look up at him. "Listen, about last night...I'm sorry, that was probably really weird."

Adachi shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Everyone has bad dreams sometimes."

She seemed amused. "That too, but I meant...kinda the whole thing. Just showing up, expecting you to put me up for the night. I didn't really think it through, and I just picked someone I didn't think Dad would think of first."

"Oh." Adachi scratched his head. "That's...it's still no big deal. I'm sorry I didn't have a proper spare futon or anything. I just..." He thought about how he wanted to word this. "I'm glad you think I'm a safe place."

"Why wouldn't I?" At that, Adachi just stared at her until she had to bite back a laugh. "Okay, okay. Point taken. But still, you didn't really do anything to me." She shrugged. "My memories of you are mostly dinners at the house, and then that night in the hospital. And my dad being home late, but even that wasn't always your fault." She fell silent, both of them picking at their food, and it was a long while before she spoke again. "Is it...weird?"

"Is what weird?" He watched her over the rim of the coffee cup.

"Being back. I mean, like, you don't really look any different than how I remember you; you're just Adachi to me, I guess. But thinking about it...the last time you really saw me, I was a little kid."

"In pigtails and singing the Junes jingle," he added, and she grinned. "Yeah."

"So is it weird?"

"More than weird, really. But...well, I don't think it's a bad thing? The Inaba I lived in that year isn't really the normal Inaba, and it's definitely not what the town is now. So it fits that I kinda have to re-meet the place, and the people in it. Cause we're all different than we were back then. For better or worse."

Nanako nodded at that. "I get it." Another pause, then half of a smile. "Should I reintroduce myself?"

Adachi chuckled. "You showed up on my doorstep the day I got here and informed me you were buying my groceries. If that's not a reintroduction, I'm not sure what is." Her smile evened out. "It is definitely one of the harder things to get used to."

"What?"

"You being an adult. Getting ready for college, cursing, having boyfriends..." He gestured blankly in front of himself. "All that. And here you are, hanging out with some old felon."

"Acquitted felon, and you're not that old."

"I'm going to be forty soon." And wasn't that the weirdest feeling.

"So? Dad's older than you, and I don't think he's that old."

"Still. Most eighteen-year-old women have better things to be doing than hanging out with forty-year-old felons, acquitted or not."

"Most girls my age haven't known said guys most of their life." Adachi leveled another look at her and she rolled her eyes. "Yes, okay, re-meeting people, a lot has changed. Still. Met you as a kid, so you're still a person in my memory all these years later."

"Okay, I'll give you that." There was another long pause, and it really looked like Nanako had a question, but wasn't speaking up. "You look like you want to say something."

"I..." She bit her lip, pushing the last bit of egg around her plate. "I have a question."

"Okay. Shoot."

"Can I..." She was fidgeting, and he could almost see the girl he'd known before. "Do you care if..." Her knee bounced a couple of times and she sighed. "Can I use your first name?"

Well, that wasn't a question he'd been expecting. He wasn't exactly sure what he had been expecting, but that wasn't it. "I...sure?" He couldn't remember the last time someone had called him that, aside from the woman at Junes who thought he was her son. He never had close friends at school, and once he was in the force, it was like you didn't have first names anymore. After that...well. No one had ever been close enough. "Maybe not, like, out in public? But around people we know, that's fine, I guess."

"Okay." Her eyes came up to just barely look at him, and she hid the shy smile. "Thank you."

"Sure." He leaned back, finishing his coffee, and Nanako stood and made to take the dishes. Adachi waved her off. "No, stop that. You've done enough already. I can wash a few dishes myself." She gave him a Look, and he shot one right back. "I can."

"Mm-kay. If they're still here the next time I see you, I'm never leaving dishes in your sink again." That didn't stop her from setting her dishes on the counter before walking back over to his door. "I suppose I should get home. I don't actually want to worry Dad that much."

"Probably a good idea." He walked with her over to the door, and she slipped on her shoes before turning to face him. "Walk safe, okay?"

"Yes, sir." She gave him an impish smile before giving him a soft hug--which he returned, after a beat. "Thank you for letting me stay, Tohru-san."

That sent all levels of strange feelings through his body. "Yeah, any time. Maybe next time I'll have a spare futon."

Nanako laughed and pulled back, and waved before turning for the door--pausing--

--and then turning back around and pressing a lightning fast kiss on his cheek, before sliding out the door and leaving Adachi motionless in his doorway.

This was taking some getting used to.

Adachi and Nanako had very little interaction for the next week or so, outside of a text message she sent him when she'd gotten home, assuring him that no one had abducted her on the way. He buckled down at Shirogane's, trying to keep up with the whirlwind pace the detective set, and found himself enjoying the challenge. He'd pushed himself in school, and had met with as much success as he'd expected. Once in the work force though, no matter how hard he pushed, it didn't seem to matter. Very little reflected back on him, either positively or negatively. Beyond that...well, that was better to not think about most days. But Shirogane knew enough about him, and had seen enough more in his work, that the young detective wasn't afraid to push him, challenge him, expect as much from him and she did of herself--and Adachi remembered all too well what kind of standards Shiroganes were expected to uphold.

It was fun. A weird feeling for him, but fun.

He'd gotten something of a bonus when his ninety-day probational period was up, so he decided that not only was he going to get a spare futon--because he had a sneaky suspicion that Nanako would remember he'd said that--but also buy himself a Western-style bed again. The futon had been fine when he'd first moved in. It was a balance between what he remembered of "home" and what he'd been living with...but now he wanted the bed back.

The fact that it was a double was irrelevant. It was a luxury he hadn't given himself before, and besides, it hadn't been that much more expensive. No ulterior motives. He just wanted a bigger bed.

Potential ulterior motives or not, what that night had solidified in Adachi's year was that he was now certain that getting too involved with Nanako Dojima was going to be bad for his health. Not only did it feel strange to even consider Nanako as anything other than a friend (how on earth did Nanako have tits) but he knew full well that Dojima would have his head on a pike if he thought Adachi were even thinking about Nanako the wrong way. 

And he'd have a point. Adachi wasn't exactly known for his...responsibility in relationships. Or dealing with women younger than him. Though the age gap wasn't as big as this... That was the other thing. Nanako had brought it up at least in passing, but there was a hell of an age gap between them. Maybe it didn't matter to her, but it mattered to him, and he knew it sure as hell was going to matter to her father.

You did say yourself, she is legal.

He shook his head. Not going there. That wasn't a path he needed to be traveling on. This was a chance to redeem himself, not get himself into even more trouble. Besides, aside from a quick peck on the cheek, Nanako hadn't expressed an ounce of interest in him outside of being friends. 

Yeah, but do you really believe her story about coming to you because her father wouldn't think to look there?

It did seem a little unlikely, especially given how quickly Dojima had called Adachi in the first place. His apartment complex wasn't anywhere near the Dojimas. Walking distance, sure, but not in a rain storm. She'd had to make a concerted effort to get here, when any number of other more reasonable places would have come by first.

So what, you think she's got a crush on you?

He really didn't know what to think about that. The vast majority of his brain was saying that it was a terrible idea to even consider, that he needed to make sure that there was literally zero percent chance of that ever being true, and that he was going to actually lose his head if she did. He couldn't go there. He couldn't let her go there. She was delusional.

But there was that tiny piece in the back of his mind that wouldn't let go of how nice it had felt, having someone curled up in his arms. Not just anyone, too--someone who knew who he was, who he really was, and who could parse their way through the nightmare that had been that year. Nanako knew what a Shadow was, knew what the TV world had been, knew the grey area that existed that meant no one could ever truly be found guilty for the murders of Saki Konishi, Mayumi Yamano, and Kinshiro Morooka. Someone had been at fault, yes. But no blood was literally on his hands. How was he ever going to possibly find another person who could navigate his brain like that? Find one of the girls Narukami had been friends with? Sure, because that'd go over well. Satonaka was Dojima's partner now, and he had to imagine that it'd go over like a ton of bricks with her. Besides, she wasn't his type. Amagi was a looker, there was no denying that, but the mere thought of someone that well entrenched in Inaba history taking two looks at him was hysterical. Kujikawa was an idol--and really, that was enough said. Someone he might get a quick slap in the sack with, but idols didn't do relationships. Which left Shirogane: his boss, and decidedly not his type even more so than Satonaka. 

Which meant the only woman he knew, who had even the slightest chance of ever really understanding that year of his life...was Nanako.

I can't. Dojima will literally kill me. And it's Nanako. What are you thinking? What is wrong with you? He had no idea. But he didn't really know what was going on in Nanako's head either, and that was really what was bothering him.

Being back is weird. 

As it so commonly did, life went on as normal with no regard for his internal struggle, though the usual dinner at the Dojimas over the weekend got postponed because Dojima had managed to come down with a wicked strain of the flu. Adachi texted back wishing him well, and said he'd figure out something to make in his own kitchen. He still wasn't exactly a chef, but there was more in his kitchen than there ever used to be...and that wasn't his doing. At least, not entirely.

Not that he was complaining. He actually had the money to eat something other than ramen. That was almost a miracle by itself.

He'd gotten about halfway through a terrible made-for-TV movie when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He frowned, setting his dish to the side, and fished it out.

being nursemaid is boring. :( dad's a nasty patient.

Adachi chuckled. He could very much imagine that Dojima wouldn't be the kind to just curl up and be sick--no, he'd complain, and want to do everything himself, and then just get angry when he couldn't.

Yeah, I bet he is. I'm not much better, unfortunately. I get pretty whiny. As if he wasn't already. Okay, a lot less now than he used to, but he wasn't quite ready to call the kettle black.

what are you doing? you manage to cook something?

She had the family snark in spades.

Yes, Nanako, despite every obstacle in my way, I managed to make myself dinner. And I didn't even set the apartment on fire!

He could almost hear her laugh. He knew she would.

:) good! i guess what they say about dogs and tricks isn't true then ;)

"Ouch, Nanako. Felt that burn all the way over here," Adachi muttered to himself.

You wound me. What happened to me not being old?

That got more of a pause, and he smiled to himself, setting the phone on the couch as he went to take care of the dishes. A little while later, he heard it buzz again. Drying off his hands, he turned off the TV and picked up the phone again, lying down on the couch.

ok ok you got me. ;) keeping entertained all by yourself? i'm just getting ready for work.

Adachi blinked. Work? Since when did she have a night job? Not that it had ever really come up in conversation, but it seemed odd that he'd never heard her say a single word about it in all the nights he'd been over there.

Work? Where?

He let his eyes close as he waited for the response. Where would someone like Nanako want to work? He couldn't even begin to guess. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he hadn't really heard her talk about college or jobs or anything like that. He knew she'd been looking at colleges, but hadn't heard much beyond that. Hm. It seemed odd that she'd be putting it off this long. ...wait, shouldn't she be starting college soon? It was later in the year than he thought, and while his own schooling had been a while ago, it wasn't that long ago.

just helping out one of the places in the shopping district. nothing exciting.

That was an evasion and he knew it. There was quite literally no reason to not tell him where it was. He'd been down there; it hadn't changed that much.

What about university? Doesn't that start soon?

That got another long silence, and in the interim he decided to shift into the bedroom. He had nothing else to be doing, so why not be comfortable? He'd had time to get changed, brush his teeth, get entirely ready for bed and under the duvet before she'd responded.

yeah i'm gonna take a gap year i think. i still don't really know what i want to do.

So he hadn't been wrong; she hadn't been mentioning anything. He did wonder what Dojima's thoughts on all of this were, but he had a pretty good feeling that Nanako didn't want to talk about her father and her plans for school. Before he could respond, she messaged again.

you never told me what you were doing.

He blinked. When...oh yeah.

Nothing really. I was kinda watching a movie but it was really bad. Just relaxing in bed now.

That was an oddly specific level of information, but it was true. He ruffled his hair, letting the phone lie on his stomach. He'd just have to make more of an effort to find people roughly his age or so that didn't mind talking to him. (That last bit was the clincher.) There had to be someone. Shirogane gave him a job. The Dojimas and Narukami had given him a second chance, and he'd almost killed Narukami on several occasions. If anyone had reason to hold a grudge, it was him--and he didn't. So maybe there was hope.

Maybe he'd go to Shiroku some night. Anyone who'd be there would probably be willing to talk to him. She kinda advertised that whatever happened there stayed there. 

The phone buzzed, and he caught it as it slid down his side.

well don't let me keep you up ;) almost to work anyway. have a good night, tohru-san~

Before he could respond anything, the phone lit up with a new message--a media message. He tapped to accept--and up popped a picture of Nanako, clearly selfie style, and likely taken just before sending it, if the lighting and her background were anything to go by. Lit just by a streetlamp and her hair down around her face in soft curls, she looked easily at least a good five to seven years older than she was. He peered at the picture, frowning for a moment. What is she wearing? It wouldn't usually be that much of note, but it occurred to him that he couldn't really see anything, but he could still see her shoulders.

Please tell me your job isn't streaking through the shopping district. I don't want to have to report you to your father.

There was another long pause before she responded.

XDDDDDD no i'm not streaking you jerk. shirt's off the shoulders. here.

Attached to this message was another photograph, this time with the phone held further away from her, so he could see pretty much the whole ensemble.

And his breath caught in his throat. I may still have to report you to your father.

She was wearing a light green loose blouse that did in fact sit off her shoulders, with tiny sleeves on either side only covering about half of her upper arm--and the shirt itself ended just under her rib cage. And as far as he could see, she was wearing one of the shortest skirts he'd ever seen on a girl, a royal blue plaid-style pattern, pleated out and ending just above mid-thigh. Add in the knee-high black boots she was wearing, and if he hadn't known any better and someone had told him this girl was in her mid-twenties, he would have easily believed her. That outfit was dangerous, and she was going to work in that?

Where do you possibly work that THAT is an acceptable outfit to work in? Didn't you tell me you weren't a hooker?

He stared at the message, then deleted the second sentence.

Not saying there's anything wrong with it, but...uh...

That was better. He sent the message.

This time the response came faster. 

good night, tohru-san. :*

He swallowed, hard. This was bad. This was very, very bad. Every male instinct in his whole body was telling him that it was a great idea that he should totally go down to the shopping district and see where Nanako worked and get a glimpse of that outfit in the flesh...

Adachi took a deep breath and set the phone aside, slowly blowing it out. Dangerous, dangerous. Don't be an ass. Find someone your own age.

But he knew that his subconscious mind wasn't going to care about being a nice or good person.

He could feel her hands against his chest, backing him into a wall, lips pressing against his, tongue searching past and tangling with his own, her body leaning against him, the pressure of her breasts against him making his hands itch to touch her. His fingers slid around her waist, skin impossibly soft under his hands as he slid them up her back, under her shirt, making her smile against his kiss. Her hips rolled and he moaned as she pressed against his aching need. "Well, someone's happy to see me," she purred in his ear once she pulled back from the kiss, letting one hand slide down his chest and rest on the front of his pants, grasping at his erection and making his head smack back into the wall as he groaned again. "Let's show just how happy I am to see him."

She pressed a kiss to his lips again, pulling back with his lower lip in her teeth for just a moment, before sliding down his body to land on her knees in front of him. His mouth wouldn't form words, couldn't say her name, couldn't do anything but run his hands through her hair as she made short work of his belt and zipper, tugging down everything he was wearing in one swift tug, letting his erection spring free, straining out to meet her. "Big boy..." she whispered, lips tantalizingly close to him, and he couldn't help the half-whimper that forced its way out of his chest.

"You know what I want to do to you?" She looked up at him, and while he still couldn't speak, his eyes managed to meet hers. "I want to taste every...last...inch of this..." She ran her fingers along the shaft and his fingers curled in her hair. "And then I want you to fuck my throat so hard I lose my voice in the morning."

If she wasn't careful, he was going to finish just from her talking. He groaned, his head falling back to knock into the wall again as he tugged her head forward--and so easily, she let him slide into her mouth, her tongue pressed against his skin, pulling and sucking and taking him impossibly deep...and just when he was sure she'd hit her limit she pushed herself forward and he felt himself hit the back of her throat, her lips against his body.

She let her teeth rest gently on him. It was too much. Fingers tangled in her hair, he did exactly as she'd said she'd wanted, each sound she made sending jolt after jolt straight through his body, her name falling from his lips as he could feel the climax coming--any moment now--

He sprung awake, groaning and tumbling out of his bed, falling into the shower and turning on the water--and he barely had to touch himself before he came hard enough to knock him back against the wall, sliding down to sit in the tub. His heart was pounding, every inch of his body pulsing with the blood rushing through him. He couldn't catch his breath. And still, he could feel the ghost fingers digging into his ass, the tight wetness around him...could still taste the name on his lips.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

He needed to find someone else. Anyone else, and make sure this didn't happen. He couldn't do that to her--couldn't let her do that to herself. It could not be an option. It could not.

God, she deserved someone far better than him.

Adachi knew she'd sent him a message that morning. He hadn't looked at it. He wasn't sure he could, not after the dream last night. He was still tingling from the aftershocks. Instead he'd lost himself in his work, and afterwards got a quick dinner at Aiya before wandering the shopping district. He'd never really paid much attention to it, and it had grown since he'd been around last. He picked up a few books at the store, sticking them into his satchel to take a look at later. Reading for pleasure had never really been his thing before, but while behind bars it was one of the few leisure activities they were allowed. It still wasn't Adachi's favorite, but he'd found a few authors he liked.

Once it was late enough, he found his way back to Shiroku, the neon still standing out like a sore thumb on the streets of Inaba. The hostess herself just nodded to him as he walked in, and he nodded back as he slipped in and found a seat in a back corner. Before too long, the hostess found her way over to him, a glass already in her hand. "Single malt on the rocks, right?"

Adachi blinked. "I...yeah?"

"I remember you, from before." She winked. "Never forget a regular's face. First one back's on the house." And before he could respond, she walked away.

Well then. He sipped the drink; sure enough, it was his usual. Shit. Hell of a memory. It wasn't much, but it was enough to get his mind just a little foggy so that when the woman showed up in front of him, it took him a moment to realize she was talking to him. "Oh, wow, sorry. I missed that."

"Yeah, I noticed." Luckily the woman looked more amused than anything else. "Is this seat taken?" She gestured to the chair she was standing by.

"No, no go ahead." Adachi waved to her, and she slid into the seat. "Sorry, was a little lost in my thoughts."

"I know how that can go." She had a smoky voice--not like she was a smoker, but more like the husky side of a bedroom voice. "I feel like I've seen you before, but I'm not sure why."

"I lived here for about a year a while ago." That was the understatement of the century. "Things didn't work out so well, and I ended up away for the next decade or so."

She blinked, but then the light went on. "You're that detective, right? I can't remember the name."

"Adachi. Tohru Adachi." He offered her a hand, which she shook with a small smile.

"Sayoko Uehara. I've been gone for a while too, so I guess that makes both of us newcomers all over again." The name only rang a vague bell for Adachi, probably someone he'd heard mentioned in passing from Narukami or something. God knew that Narukami seemed to talk to everyone in Inaba. "I'm surprised to find you back here."

"I'm a little surprised to be here," he replied with a shrug. "But I don't have much else to go back to, so I figured I'd try and make whatever right I can."

Sayoko's smile softened. "I know how that can be. I didn't always have the best reputation around here before either. I mean, not exactly up to your caliber, but...." The smile offset the words, and he took the joke for what it clearly was. "But yeah, I get the feeling. That's part of why I headed out. Needed to get myself back in order, you know?"

"Mmhmm. Prison's good for that."

She laughed--which was good, because he hadn't been sure she'd find that funny. "I bet." Madam Shiroku slid back over and handed a drink to Sayoko, which she took with a smile and a nod before the hostess vanished again. "So you just out for fun? Waiting on someone, something?"

Not anything I'll admit... "No, not really. Just need to get out of my apartment now and then, you know? Maybe actually meet someone."

"Oooh, you're really shooting for the stars, aren't you?" She chuckled. "I get it, though. Hard to make friends once you're out of school. Especially when you have not only a reputation but also have been gone for years because of that reputation."

"Something like that." He leaned back in his chair. "I have to admit that the weirdest part of being back is seeing all these people who were kids when I left...and now they're like, the age I was when I left. All adults."

Sayoko laughed. "Yeah, I hear you. The high school kids I worked with are off with their own careers and everything. It's a weird feeling."

So you are probably the person I remember Narukami mentioning. Yeah, we're in the same boat. He nodded. "I hear ya."

"So what brings you out to Shiroku in specific? Or are you really just out here looking for friends?" There was something in the tone and the way her smile twisted that made Adachi smile back. She knew what was up.

"A little of both. Trying to get out of my head, mostly." He tilted his head, letting his neck crack. "Being cooped up by myself for eleven years has given me some bad ideas of what I should or shouldn't do."

"The time there, or what put you there?" The question was honest, but there was just enough light in her voice that he could tell she didn't intend to offend. Still, there was a bit of a barb there...and he knew that he deserved it.

"Again, a little of both." That was entirely true. "People change a lot over eleven years."

"I hear you." She leaned forward on the table, draining her drink and leveling her gaze on him. "So. Do you want to stay here, Tohru Adachi? Or do you want to make a night of it somewhere else?"

It took him a second--longer than he'd like to admit--to recognize what she was actually asking. He blinked at her. "That was quick."

She cocked an amused smile at him. "I'm not saying we jump back to my place or anything. I'm just saying I think the both of us have something else on our minds, and maybe sitting and drinking and keeping that misery company isn't the best way we could spend our time."

He considered that, then nodded back with his own half-smile. "I think you may have a point there." He paid for her drink, and the two walked back out into the street together.

Chapter Text

They'd ended up finding their way to his apartment anyway, not that he was terribly surprised. Neither of them had asked what the other was avoiding, but they'd been able to find an escape from it in the other. In addition to that, Adachi enjoyed his time chatting with Sayoko. They found they had a decent amount in common, and Sayoko had a wicked sense of humor. By the end of the night, they'd been walking around for long enough that going back to one of their places was almost inevitable, even if nothing happened.

But something had happened, and waking up the next morning with a beautiful woman next to him was definitely a step up from pretty much every other day of his life.

...Almost all of them. But he could push that out of his mind. Where it was supposed to be. Far, far away.

She stirred, eyes fluttering open and finding his, and she gave him a sleepy smile. "Morning."

"Morning." His lips twitched up as well, pushing her hair out of her face. "Sleep okay?"

"Mm-hmm. You've got a nice bed." She closed her eyes and breathed out a laugh. "Very comfortable."

"Brand new mattress. I agree, though. I'm really happy with it."

She shifted to loop an arm over his waist, nuzzling against his shoulder. "You should be."

Adachi wasn't sure what to do. Not only had he never really had a relationship that worked like this, but he still wasn't sure what to make of everything that had happened. He'd never assumed he'd be the type of guy who picked up women on the first date--even in his worst days, there was a certain level of seduction he'd assumed needed to happen. But then again...

"You look distracted." He glanced over and saw Sayoko looking at him again.

"Oh, sorry. Just...yeah, just thinking." He shifted his arm around her shoulders, and she settled against his chest. "Guess I'm not being a very good host."

"It's okay." She chuckled. "Besides, we started this whole night knowing that we all had someone else in mind."

"Yeah." He sighed. "Sorry."

"Don't be. As long as we're honest with each other, that's really all that matters. We're both adults, right?" She nosed his jaw. "No need to look too deep into this."

"Yeah."

Sayoko glanced up at him, an interesting look on her face. "This is new to you, isn't it?"

His smile got sheepish. "Am I that obvious?"

"Given your performance last night, you could have fooled me." Adachi could feel his face burn, and Sayoko laughed. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone's gotta have their first hookup eventually." He could feel her fingers tracing patterns on his chest. "Easier that you're pretty interesting and easy on the eyes too."

Adachi laughed. "You're in the minority on that one. Not too many people share that opinion."

"Eh, you've got a reputation like me."

"I think my reputation is probably a little worse than yours."

"Okay sure, I suppose getting sent to prison is a bit worse than me." He could hear the grin in her voice. "But still. You're a good-looking guy with a nice brain on your shoulders. That's not always the easiest to find."

"I do my best." Hearing this much positive about himself was a new experience. He wasn't sure he liked it. "I could say the same of you."

"I hope I'm not a good-looking guy." Adachi grumbled, and Sayoko laughed. "I know what you meant, I know. Thank you."

"Mm-hmm." He sighed. "Hard to believe you've got someone to forget."

"Few someones." Her voice was soft. "But I could say the same of you."

"I've got too many people to forget."

"But there's someone recent, isn't there?"

"I thought we weren't asking questions."

"I don't want her name. Just wondering."

He could see Nanako's picture flash by in the back of his mind, all legs and a smile. He swallowed. "Yeah. Someone I really can't...at all. For way too many reasons."

"Too young? Too old? Taken?" There was no judgment in Sayoko's voice, just understanding.

"Too young. And..." How can I even begin to explain it? "There's baggage, from the last time I was in Inaba. She's...even if she weren't too young, I wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell."

"Because of her?"

"Because of her father." Depending on how much Sayoko knew, he was coming dangerously close to identifying who he was talking about, and he just had to hope she wouldn't guess.

Luckily, either she didn't know or she was willing to play dumb. "That sucks." She pressed a gentle kiss against his shoulder. "I understand the age problem, though."

I doubt yours is even close to mine... But he let his head rest against hers anyway, arm around her shoulders. "Nice to know I'm not the only one."

"It's not as uncommon as someone might think." She breathed out a sigh. "But still." She ruffled her hair. "Can a girl get a cup of coffee off you before I head back to my own apartment?"

Adachi chuckled. "Sure thing."

He'd managed to get roughly dressed and fix a pot of coffee before Sayoko walked out, a shirt of his over her shoulders, long enough to be a very short dress or nightgown. She held out his phone. "This started dinging a moment ago."

"Oh. Thanks." He took the phone, trading it to her for a mug of coffee, which she took with a smile. Tapping the screen awake, he saw the name he expected to. I never did check her message from yesterday. Oops. He opened the messages.

hey tohru-san, hope you slept ok. letting you know i didn't get kidnapped or assaulted last night at work :P 

hey, u ok? i never heard back from you yesterday

did i say something? i'm sorry if the outfit really bothered you that much :(

ok kinda worried now. nothing happened, did it?

"Shit." He huffed out a breath. That wasn't the reaction he wanted at all. Though if we're talking about bothered... He coughed.

Hey Nanako, sorry for the silence. You didn't say anything wrong, I'm just bad at being social. I'm glad you got home safe, and despite anything I said, you looked like a knock-out that night. Just reminded me of how much you've grown up while I was gone.

That seemed like a safe answer, and had the benefit of being true too.

"Everything okay?" Sayoko looked at him over the rim of the mug.

"Yeah, just...someone texted me yesterday and I forgot to text back. Got her worried."

"Her?" The change of emphasis made it clear what she was referencing.

He nodded. "Yeah." For better or worse, he was being honest with her, and that was the best he could do. He didn't have the heart to keep up a life of lies anymore. He was doing enough of that with Nanako. "It's okay though."

"That's good." 

He sat down with his own mug of coffee, and his phone buzzed a moment later.

it's ok, i just got nervous. :( thank you for the compliment tho~ you should see how i look when i'm really trying, lol

Adachi swallowed hard at that.

I'm not sure I'd be able to handle it. Just be careful in outfits like that. Not everyone is as nice as me.

Adachi scoffed at himself. As nice as me. Who are you trying to convince? Luckily he didn't have long to think about it before she responded.

i'm always careful. ;) maybe someday i'll dress up nice for you.

"God." He shook his head, and he saw Sayoko's eyebrows raise at him out of his peripheral vision. "This girl is going to be the death of me."

"Why?" She tilted her head.

"Because she's flirting with me, and I don't know if she's doing it intentionally or not. If she's not, she's just going to kill me unintentionally, and if she is..."

"Then you run into her father again."

Adachi nodded. "Yeah. And he will kill me without a second thought if he thinks I'm being even a little inappropriate with his daughter."

"Who says that being in a relationship is improper?"

He grumbled. "With the age gap and my record? Yeah, he'll say it's improper. I can't even blame him."

Sayoko set her mug down and looked at him. "Tohru, do you like this girl or not?"

Good question. "I don't know. I've been trying not to think about it, because I know it'll never go anywhere. It shouldn't go anywhere. Can't."

"Yeah, you keep saying that. But why do you think it?"

Adachi looked at her, bewildered. "Come on, that's obvious, isn't it? I've got a track record of going after younger girls--and those are girls probably ten years older than this one. It's a lawsuit waiting to happen, and it's an entire life of people wondering why a young thing like her shacked up with a creepy old guy like me."

"Is she legal?" Again, no judgment from Sayoko, just honest interest.

Adachi nodded. "Barely, but yes."

"So she wasn't when you met her." He shook his head. "Were you interested in her then?"

Adachi was horrified. "What? No! She was a child! I mean, I spent time with her and her family, but...no, I just saw a lonely kid and wanted to make her smile once in a while." Why was he being so honest and open? He'd never told anyone this. ...Well, almost no one.

"Then why are you a creepy older dude? You met a kid, made friends with her, got yourself locked up and when you came out, she was an adult. You've been in prison for a decade. I'm not seeing the problem here. You're both adults."

"Her dad. That's the problem. And the fact that I really don't know if she's trying to flirt with me or not. I don't want to make some move and then have it turn out she's just being nice."

"Can I see the messages?" Adachi hesitated. "I swear, even if I know who she is, I won't say a word. I'm a doctor. I'll file it under patient-doctor confidentiality."

He hitched again, but eventually handed his phone over. "You can't say a word."

"Not a peep." She tapped on the display. "She your most recent message?" He nodded, and watched her scan through the menu to get there. She blinked a few times, scrolling back a good bit and then slowly making her way back to the present. "Damn."

"What?"

"That picture."

Adachi could feel his face burn. "Yeah."

"I'd have wet dreams for weeks if a guy sent me something that provocative."

He coughed out a laugh. "No comment."

She offered him his phone back. "Well, just from what I can see, you've been a perfect gentleman, and she's definitely flirting with you. Girls don't send pictures like that to just anyone, and then promise something 'nicer' later. Especially not someone like her."

He felt his stomach sink. "You recognize her."

"One, she's a pretty well known kid, Tohru. Two, we live in Inaba. There aren't that many people here. Three...well, you showed me yours. Let's just say her cousin is on my list."

"Ah." He wasn't sure how else to react to that. He figured Narukami was a good enough looking guy, but he'd never really thought about it. But it made sense; after all, he was pretty sure he'd first heard her name from Narukami anyway.

"So it's in my best interests to keep quiet anyway." Sayoko winked. "She's very pretty, Tohru. There's no shame in that."

"She's still eight in my mind."

"Well trust me, she's not eight anymore, and she's not thinking about you like an eight year old. I guarantee she's picturing herself exactly where I was last night."

That sent shocks through Adachi's body, and he closed his eyes as she laughed. "Not funny."

"Mmm, a little funny. Come on. Let me help you take care of that before I head out."

He really wasn't in any place to argue.

Chapter Text

Adachi and Sayoko fell into a comfortable routine. Not every night but about every other, they'd meet up somewhere, wander around the city, and then go back to one of their places to have sex. Easy, casual, no strings attached. Even if she didn't understand half of his past, it was still nice to have someone around who understood at least a portion of what his life was like at that point. And besides, she was closer to his age.

On that front, he and Nanako had exchanged text messages but hadn't had a chance to see each other since. The one weekend he managed to make it over to the Dojima house, she had to work. Adachi was feeling torn between relief and disappointment. For all the mental problems it caused him, he enjoyed seeing her.

And she'd only made occasional appearances in his dreams, much to his definite relief.

It was a night that Sayoko was working late at the hospital, and Adachi found himself at Shiroku again, for lack of anywhere better to be on a Friday night. He'd taken to sitting in a back corner, after the one night someone decided they were going to pick a fight with him. They'd been warded off by the hostess but he still tried to be as invisible as possible. Which was fine by him, honestly. He didn't go to be social, necessarily. He just went so that he didn't sit in his house constantly.

He hadn't been paying much attention, but a laugh from another corner of the room made him lift his head--and his heart stopped. Standing over by one of the far tables, in a tight low-cut dark blue shirt and a skirt just like the one before except white...was Nanako. Clearly working, and clearly giving the guys at that table a show. Normally he'd question if it was intentional or not, but no female he’d ever met leaned on a table like that in front of a table of guys unless she knew she was giving them an eyeful.

And they were eating it up. They had to be at least his age, if not closer to her father's age.

One of them beckoned her over, and with a grin she walked over to him and leaned so that he could say something close to her ear, his hand resting just barely above her butt. Adachi was fuming. At least I have the decency to feel conflicted. Look at that guy! We want to talk about creepy older men... But Nanako wasn't paying it any mind, just putting on a mock offended face before flouncing off toward a back hallway--and the men left at the table all laughed and high-fived each other like they'd won something.

A little later, when Nanako was at the front counter, the same guy from before came up behind her and grabbed her by the waist--which put his hands essentially on her exposed stomach, possessive as he leaned in and kissed her cheek. She turned around to face him, and Adachi could see the clearly fake affronted look on her face. Couldn't hear what she was saying but seemed to be "telling off" this guy without actually ever making him move. He inched closer, almost flush against her, and apparently said something else--which got her to lean back.

"Ah ah ah," she said, loud enough that Adachi could hear her. "You know the rules." She pushed at him with her fingertips a few times, and he finally backed off with one final squeeze of her rear to go sit back down at his table.

Adachi couldn't breathe. His vision was red and blurred. What the hell is happening? That wasn't the Nanako he knew. Not the one he knew before, not the one he was getting to know now... Hadn't she broken up with her boyfriend because she didn't want to rush into sex? Clearly that wasn't on the menu here, but still... why was she letting it happen? He knew she was letting it happen; there was no doubt in her expression that this wasn't new or unexpected.

So why did Nanako Dojima have a job at Shiroku, where she was letting guys old enough to be her father feel her up? For tips? It made no sense. It did make several other things fall into place: why she'd been evasive about where her job was; why she'd been wearing that outfit in the first place; why she reacted the way she did when he'd commented on whether or not the outfit was appropriate. She knew where she was and what she was doing, and didn't want to make mention of it.

Did Dojima even know? How could he not? How did these people all not know who she was? Or did they know and just didn't care? Did they get off all the more knowing it was a detective's teenage daughter who was letting them get handsy with her?

He wanted to ask; he wanted to get her attention and make her come over to him and explain what the hell was happening, but that wasn't exactly an easy topic to broach--and not one he could do here. So what, he called her the next day? Texted? Hey Nanako, saw you at work the other day. Since when do you let strangers put their hands up your skirt? A brilliant conversation starter.

One of the other guys at the table, probably the youngest, must have noticed Adachi looking at Nanako, because he wandered back to grab a seat closer to Adachi. "You new here?"

Adachi blinked. "Yeah, kinda." That was the simplest answer.

"Saw you looking at Niki. She's something, ain't she?" Niki? The head nod in Nanako's direction was indicative enough, but...now she wasn't even using her real name? What was going on here?

"She looks young," was the only comment he could come up with.

"Oh hell yeah, just barely legal. Gorgeous body. Got herself a neat little gig here. She gets a good tip, we get a nice show. And she doesn't mind a little examination of the merchandise, if you know what I mean," the guy responded with a wink.

That combined with the sick grin on the man's face made Adachi nauseous. Is this what people saw me as back then? God, this was exactly what I was like back then. No wonder I ended up in prison. More of these people needed to get locked up for a few years and be forced to face themselves.

"Yeah, I get what you mean." He forced up the old facade from the last time around, and got a reasonable facsimile of his own sleazy smile back on. "Bet she's worth every penny."

"Practically goes for a song, honestly," he said. "Just wish she'd let us take 'er into the back for a bit, get a private show. Still, totally worth it. You want me to introduce you?"

"Nah, not tonight." He waved a hand. "Next time, maybe. I got to be somewhere too soon."

"Fair enough, man." He clapped Adachi on the shoulder. "Take it easy, man. Good to meet you."

"Same." The guy went back to his table, and Adachi waited until Nanako had vanished into the back before he got up to pay his tab, and slipped back out into the night.

Adachi's dreams that night were scattered. Half were far too intimate for his liking, and the rest were just disturbing, watching other people do whatever they wanted to Nanako while he stayed trapped in the background, unable to intervene. He woke up covered in cold sweat, breath coming fast and mind racing. I need to do something about this. I don't know what, but I can't keep going on like this. As much as it wasn't going to be a conversation he wanted to have, the easiest way to go about this was to just approach her directly. Treat her like an adult. She had to know it was possible he'd find out. The only reason her father or the rest of her family didn't find out was because none of them would go out to Shiroku at night, and no one talked about what happened there. It wasn't somewhere "nice people" went.

Which, of course, was why he was a regular.

He pulled out his phone and shot her a text: Hey, are you doing anything today?

The response came quickly. not really? why?

I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch or something.

i dont really want to go out anywhere :/ can i just come over?

He frowned. Sure? Are you okay? I don't want to push you if you're sick.

There was a longer pause this time before she responded. nah im not sick, just tired. dont really want to be out in public. ill be over in a few.

Sounds good. See you soon. That suited him perfectly well. As much as it might have been easier to have the conversation in public, it was more likely that he'd be able to get her to be open with him if she felt like she was somewhere safe.

He'd managed to put together a basic lunch--curry, though he knew it wasn't going to live up to hers--before he heard the knock at the door. "Come on in; the door's open."

The door popped open, and Nanako walked in, and sure enough she looked exhausted. He could see the remnants of the curls in her hair from the night before, peeking out from her ponytail, but otherwise if he hadn't known where she'd been, he'd have no clue. She smiled at him, looking over at the stove. "Aww, you made curry?"

"It's not yours, but I've been practicing." He offered a small smile as well, and got two bowls out.

She took one with a smile and he dished the curry out between the two of them. "Thanks, Tohru-san. I really appreciate it." She sounded about as exhausted as she looked. She was tucked into a hoodie and sweatpants, the complete opposite of her look from the night before. Adachi mentally shook his head.

"Not a problem, Nanako." They settled at the table and Adachi let them get most of the way through the meal before he said anything. "So...I was out at Shiroku last night."

She went still, but didn't give any other reaction other than glancing over at him. "Okay? Pretty popular night spot."

Adachi just watched her for a moment, and she didn't say anything else. "I saw you there."

"I've been to Shiroku before. They let me in now that I'm eighteen."

"Nanako. A gentleman from one particular table came over to ask if I wanted to be introduced to Niki, and proceeded to tell me all about her." Nanako's face went pale, but she still didn't say anything. "Nanako."

"What." Now she was defensive. That, he expected. "I'm an adult. I'm not doing anything illegal."

"I never said that you were." He was careful to keep his voice level. "I'm just confused. Didn't... You told me that you broke up with your last boyfriend because he was pushing you into sex. But what I saw last night..."

"I don't have sex with them," she shot back. "Jesus, Adachi, it's a public place. I let them look at my tits; they give me a good tip. No one gets hurt."

"That guy at the counter was doing more than looking."

She rolled her eyes. "That's because Akihiko is an ass who thinks if he asks me enough times, I'll let him get in my pants."

"He's enough of a regular that you know his name, and it doesn't bother you that he's trying to get you to sleep with him? Acting like that is what put me in prison, Nanako." She didn't have a response for that. "What does your father think about your job?" As if he didn't know the answer to this one.

"He doesn't know. I go by Niki, no one asks. It's none of his business anyway."

"And when one of them won't take no for an answer, and drags you into a back alley anyway? When they get violent when you fight back, and the cops get called, and Dojima has to come to the station to pick you up? Or worse, come identify you?"

"You're overreacting."

"I'm naming examples, from eleven years of listening to people crow about their conquests." She fell silent, and when he spoke again, he kept his voice soft. "Nanako, there's no way you're that hard up for money that you have to let creepy guys your father's age feel you up in a bar." She didn't have an answer. "Why are you doing it then?"

She gave half a shrug. "I like the attention."

"I guarantee you, there are men all over this town who would love to give you all the attention in the world, and would also respect you more than they do. And are probably closer to your age."

"I'm allowed to like older guys," she shot back.

"You're allowed to like whoever you want," he responded. "But when you broke up with your boyfriend because you didn't want sex, but regularly let strangers grab your ass, something doesn't add up."

"Yuuta was different. I just..." She fell silent, teeth worrying the corner of her lip. "Older guys don't take me seriously. They want what they get at Shiroku, and they want a number to keep in their phone for nights when they get bored. They don't want anything longer term. So...they get half of what they want, and I take what I can get."

"Why settle for just that, though? Why not wait for someone who does take you seriously?" You are on such a dangerous slope, Tohru Adachi.

"Because he's never going to see me like that." Nanako's voice had gone flat, staring at the table. "Because I'm always just going to be little kid Nanako, who's too young to be a woman."

Adachi could feel everything inside him twisting into knots. How the hell am I supposed to have this conversation? And pretend like I don't know, haven't figured out, who she's talking about? Or am I being arrogant? "He?" That was about as much of a sentence as he could manage.

"Guy I like." She still wouldn't look at him. "He'd just say the same thing everyone else does. That it's nothing, that I'm too young and he's too old, that I'll get over it in time. That it would be a mistake because even if he likes me now, I could change enough in five years that it wouldn't work anymore. I practically have a list my therapist gave me."

That pulled him up short. "Wait, therapist? Back up."

Now she finally looked up at him, that glare she got from her father etched into her eyes. "Oh come on, Tohru-san. You saw my childhood. Yu went to college for counseling, and suggested that Dad and I see someone about halfway through his time there. I don't know if Dad really stuck with it, but I have. I dunno, it's been good to have someone to talk to."

Adachi blinked. "Do they know you're working at Shiroku?"

Her eyes went back to the table. "Yeah. She doesn't like it either, but at least I'm not doing anything illegal." She shrugged. "Anyway. He'll have all the same reasons."

"Have you ever asked him?" Just ignore it, drop the subject, anything - you can't keep talking about this. He was going to dig himself so far into a hole, he'd never see the light of day again. Because if she looked up at him and said "well now I am," what would he say? What could he say? She wasn't wrong; he was too old and she was way too young, and they both had so much changing to do in the coming years that it would be a terrible idea. Not to mention that this doesn't sound like a new issue. So somewhere she'd created an Adachi in her head ( if we're going to keep being arrogant, let's commit to it ) and idolized it...? That didn't make any sense, not from how they'd spoken last year.

But was that true?

“They all say you never cared about anyone, that you just wanted to see the whole world burn and didn't care about a single person in it. But I know that's not true. You cared about me. You didn't want me to get hurt. But I promised you I wouldn't tell, so I never told them.” She'd said that, tears shining in her red-rimmed eyes, desperate to know why, why, why ... Why she was different. Why he cared about her. Why he'd done everything he'd done back then. “I wanted so much to believe in you, Adachi. I wanted to believe that you were actually the person who cried for me in the hospital. Who wanted so much for me to get better.”

And he'd sworn to her that he was. That the man who cried at her bedside was the same man sitting in front of her then...and yet somehow also the man who pushed Saki Konishi into a television when she rejected him.

He was going to make himself sick.

"No," Nanako's quiet, porcelain-fragile voice knocked him out of the spiral. "I..." She swallowed. "I don't want to hear him tell me no."

"Nanako..." He sighed, desperately trying to pull himself back together. "It's not fair to you or him if you keep doing something that's to fill a hole he's left, without ever telling him that the hole is there. You're not giving him a chance to try." Does she know I know? Is she hoping I'll put it together? God, I'm still not positive she's talking about me.

"What if it were you, Adachi?" She looked up at him, eyes curiously blank - though she hadn't said it as if it were a confession. "What if all of this was about you, and I came up to you some day and confessed? What would your reaction be?"

And there it was. His mouth was bone dry, words stuck in his throat. Even if she wasn't outright saying that it was the case, she'd put him in that position anyway. And now he needed to say something and had no idea where to even start. "I'm not sure I'm a fair comparison to the average guy my age."

"Humor me."

He couldn't make anything come out. I can't break her. But I can't...I can't. I can't. He closed his eyes and took a breath, staring down at his abandoned curry when he opened them again. "I'd be flattered." Entirely true. "And confused." Also true. "And absolutely be certain that you could do worlds better than me." Bingo.

"Why?" There was that word again.

He glanced up at her. "What do you mean, why?"

"Why do you think I could do better than you?"

That brought his gaze up fully. "Nanako, I'm an almost forty-year-old felon who was in prison because he threw a girl ten years older than you into certain death when she wouldn't sleep with him. I watched the Midnight Channel and laughed. I'm not a good person. Maybe I'm trying to be something closer to one, but I'm not. And you..." His voice caught and he tried to hide it. "You deserve better than that."

"And if I didn't care about all of that?"

"Nanako."

" Humor me. "

Adachi sighed. "Your father would kill me in my sleep. Point blank, bullet to the head, no remorse. And I wouldn't blame him. He told me for ten years, in no uncertain terms, that I had no business asking about you, because I didn't need to be a part of your life."

"He can't decide that for me. Not now. Not anymore."

"But his argument doesn't go away because you're eighteen." There was a heavy silence. "I don't think this is hypothetical anymore, is it."

Nanako didn't answer. Didn't look up at him.

"I barely know who I am anymore," he continued. "So I can't expect anyone to know me - not well enough. And any other argument aside, I wouldn't trust myself with anything that important. Anyone. I'd want to make sure I wasn't going to slip up and send myself back to prison before letting myself allow anyone to get too close. And..." He snapped his mouth shut, biting back the words.

"What?" He could barely hear her.

"Nothing." He shook his head, not caring that she wasn't looking. There was another long pause before he managed to speak again. "You don't need my baggage chained to you, my dirt on your hands. I told myself eleven years ago that if it was within my power, I'd never hurt you again. Never see you hurt again. And I don't trust that my actions or just my presence wouldn't do just that."

It was as much of the truth he was willing to give her at this point. The words he'd forced back kept echoing in his mind: I don't want you to just be a fling. I don't want you to be temporary. I don't want to be just another guy at the table, masquerading as a partner. You deserve a forever, and I can't give you that. Not now. Maybe not at all. But I also can't tell you no, because I'm a selfish bastard. And that's what scares me.

Neither of them spoke for a long moment, and Adachi was convinced he'd shattered her. He'd fought to tell her the truth and still not actually tell her no...because he knew he couldn't. Couldn't look her in the eye and say "no, I won't." As much as he knew he should. And of course, that was exactly why he should.

"They ask me, you know." Nanako's voice was tinny, faint. She still wouldn't look at him. "Out there." A blank gesture toward his door. "If I know who you are. How I can possibly be around you, after everything you'd done. Everything that had happened. They ask me if I'm in danger, if you're threatening me. If I need help."

A wave of nausea crashed over him. "I'm sorry." And he was.

"I tell them the truth." He could hear her biting back tears. "Yes, I know who you are. Why couldn't I be around you, after you'd served your time? After you'd come back, and shown you were working to change? To be better? No, I'm not in danger. No, you're threatening me. No, I don't need help." Her voice caught. "And I know they don't believe me."

"I'm not surprised." He heard people talk, when they thought he couldn't hear. He barely felt the sting anymore. Why be hurt when half of what they said was true?

Now her voice was shattered, cracking out in splinters between sobs. "And all I can think about is that night in the hospital, barely awake, barely alive, wondering if it wouldn't just be easier for me to go so that Dad wouldn't have to be reminded of Mom every time he looked at me, and then you came in, and you sounded so sad. So heartbroken, in a way I'd never heard someone before. You apologized. Said you never wanted it to happen, that you didn't know why I was different but I was, and all you wanted was for me to get better." She pulled in a shuddering breath. "And I thought that even if everyone else would be happier if I just died, at least one person would be sad."

Adachi couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. "Everyone was devastated," he managed. "Your father wouldn't have survived without you." Nanako dissolved into tears, hiding her face in the sleeves of her hoodie, and Adachi couldn't take it anymore. "Shit." He stood and gently led her over to the couch and sat her down, and once he'd sat down next to her, she fell against his shoulder and what else could he do but hold her tight? Slowly her arms worked around him and she clung to him, as if her life depended on it, and sobbed what had to be eleven years of pain into the front of Adachi's shirt.

He couldn't be sure some of those tears weren't his.

Once her breathing had settled and the sobs had subsided, he spoke as soft as he could against her ear. "I can't make you many promises. I can't promise that everything will work out, that they'll come around... I can't even promise that I will. Which is why I won't make promises of relationships or romance, or anything like that. But what I will always promise you is that I'll be here. One way or another, I'm here for you. And if a time ever comes where I'm not, it'll be because I've something so stupid I deserve to be back behind bars or worse. You..." Now it was his turn for words to catch in his throat. "You mean the world to me, Nanako. For whatever it's worth, it's true. And the trust you've shown in me since I got out..." He sighed. "Is more than I ever expected, or thought I deserved. And I appreciate it more than I can say."

The waterworks had fired up a bit for that, but seemed to calm just as quickly. Nanako sniffed a few times, still not lifting her head from his chest, but didn't speak for a long moment. "I want to stay like this forever."

Adachi breathed out a laugh. "It's a nice couch, but I think we'd be a bit crowded. Also it would make getting food difficult." He felt more than heard the faint giggle, and a weight the size of Tokyo lifted off his chest. "Tell you what. If we both promise to behave, we can go lay down in my room. I've got a Western-style bed, and we can just relax. Sound good?"

When she didn't even have the heart to crack a joke and just nodded, Adachi could feel a vice in his chest.

He went to stand, but Nanako didn't budge. "Nanako?" She made a soft sound of assent. "Gonna need you to walk a bit here." A murmur of dissent. "Nanako." That got a whine, and he all but rolled his eyes. "Okay, well it's your fault if this ends badly, then." He shifted best he could, then got an arm under her knees so he could lift her up - and got a surprised squeak for his efforts. "I make no promises about not dropping you."

Adachi could hear the faint breath of a laugh, and she just held onto his neck, and though he wasn't certain he'd make it, he managed to get them back to his room without any incidents. There she finally let him go, allowing herself to be settled onto the mattress - though once there, she sat up enough to tug off her hoodie and toss it aside. When she noticed him watching her, she offered a soft response. "Too warm."

"Mmm." He set his phone on his nightstand before laying down next to her - and in a breath she'd crossed her arms over her chest and leaned up against him, nestled against his chest. He shifted so that one arm could rest under her head, and the other looped around her to hug her close.

He could just barely hear her say "thank you" before she'd passed out asleep. It took him a little while longer, but slowly he relaxed as well, letting his forehead rest against her head. You are playing with fire, Tohru. But for the moment...he didn't mind. Because for the first time in a very long time...

He actually felt happy.

Chapter Text

For a moment, Adachi had no clue what time it was or where he was, as he slowly came back to the land of conscious. What...?  Something - someone? - was pressed against him, but...it didn't seem...familiar...

A moment later, recognition came crashing back, and his whole body froze. Nanako. The afternoon flooded his mind as he desperately tried to make sense of where he was and what he was doing. The girl was still asleep, best he could tell, one arm still tucked up against her chest and the other around his waist, fingers tucked just under his shirt so that her fingertips brushed his skin. As for himself, one arm was still under her head, half numb at this point, and the other rested against her, his fingers tangled in her hair. 

He was afraid to breathe.

Her hair was soft, softer than he would have expected, feathers of coffee brown hair trapped in his grasp, wisps of a dream he didn't dare imagine. He could feel her breath against his chest, warming the fabric of his shirt, and he closed his eyes. And though he knew it was a bad idea, he took a deep breath and let himself forget. Pretend he didn't know who it was, pretend that it was someone else, someone safe. Let his fingers twist ringlets into her hair, let himself relax.

Refused to acknowledge how calm, how safe...how good it felt.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when she stirred, her fingers curling in so that her nails dragged against his skin. He tried to bite back the shudder. Her head shifted, and there was a faint jolt as she must have had the same realization he'd had a few moments prior. And as her breathing regulated, her fingers splayed back out over his waist, tentative and shy.  He could feel her shift ever so slightly closer, and couldn't help himself from shifting his arm with her. Her breathing was shallow now, faint whispers of air at his throat.

He knew he should move.

...he really needed to.

-BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ-

Both of them flinched at that, Adachi untangling his hand out of her hair as she pushed herself up on one elbow to peer at his nightstand, where the offending noise was coming from. "What the hell...?"

"My phone." His voice was groggier than he expected. Rubbing at his eyes, he picked it up and peered at the screen. What struck him first was the time: nearly 6 pm. They'd been out for a while, then. Tapping the screen brought up a text from - as he expected - Dojima.

Is my daughter still with you?

Adachi blinked at his phone, both trying to read the detective's tone and his meaning, while still not 100% awake. "Does Dojima know where you are?" he asked, turning his head to look toward Nanako.

"I...yeah, I told him that you offered to make me lunch. ...Shit, what time is it?" Now it was her turn to dig into her pockets and find her phone, sighing loudly as she saw the screen. "Ugh." She tapped the display a few times, then put the phone to her ear. "Hey Dad, it's me. Sorry." A long pause, and even from this distance, Adachi could hear the detective's sharp tone of voice. "Yes, I'm still at Adachi's. ...Because we were talking, and I was exhausted, and apparently I fell asleep." It was enough of the truth, Adachi supposed. "What do you mean? He's right here." Her eyes came up to look at Adachi, brows furrowed in confusion, before tilting the phone away from her mouth. "Did Dad text you?"

Adachi looked down at his phone. "Just the once, from what I can see."

Nanako shifted the phone again. "He says he got your text from just now, and woke me up so I could call you." Well, not quite, but I would have, so... Nanako was still watching him. "I'm fine, Dad. I literally fell asleep." Dojima clearly wasn't having it, and Adachi could see her jaw clench and the stone glare set in her eyes. "No. I'm telling you, we had lunch, we were talking, and I fell asleep. Why don't you believe me?" Because he doesn't trust me. Like everyone else. And with a frustrated sigh, she held out her phone to Adachi. "Dad wants to talk to you."

Fantastic. "Okay." He took the phone and put it to his ear. "Hey, Dojima."

"If I find out you so much as put a finger on my daughter, so help me, Adachi, I will put you back in jail myself." 

Adachi closed his eyes, the old light tone coming to his voice almost unbidden. "Whoa, whoa, hang on there, Dojima. I don't know what you're worr--"

The detective cut him off. "Don't play stupid, Adachi. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Come on, Dojima." He hated sounding this eerily like his former self, but it was the tone he needed. Maybe not the tone Dojima needed to hear, but the one Adachi needed to use. Needed to hide behind. "You think Nanako would let me get away with any funny business? Give the girl some credit."

Nanako's expression was blank, and Dojima just growled. "I think I know more about my daughter than you do, and I want to make very clear where those boundaries lie. I don't care what she says, Adachi. You touch her, and I jail you myself."

You can't keep her locked up forever, Dojima.

"What?" Adachi's eyes snapped open. I didn't mean to say that out loud.

"I'm just saying," Adachi continued, unable to bite the words back. "One of these days, it's not going to matter what you say. She's eighteen after all."

"Adachi, I'm warning you." That got Adachi to pull the phone away from his ear, and there was a surge of anger in response he hadn't felt in a very long time.

"Yeah, yeah." Dismissive. Arrogant. Uninterested. No, no, no...

"Give Nanako the phone." Dojima was furious. "Now."

"Okay..." He held the phone back out to Nanako, who was watching him cautiously. "All yours." And before he could hear their conversation start up, he walked out into the main room, as far from the bedroom as he could, and stood in the corner, forehead firmly against the wall. Behind him, he could hear Nanako's voice rising, arguing with her father, but he couldn't hear the words. The static in his own head was too loud, static of decade-old behaviors he'd been beating out of himself fighting their way back to the surface.  Flashes of fury, frustration, spears of vicious anger stabbing through his carefully crafted reality, threatening to break apart everything he'd worked on.

Everyone else not trusting him, he accepted. Dojima... Didn't he see the difference? How could he expect something like this? And why shouldn't he? Haven't you been thinking the same thing? But he wouldn't. Not with Nanako. Even if he were the same as he used to be, Nanako was different. Nanako had always been different. And yet Dojima immediately assumed the worst, when his daughter was gone in the middle of the day. I think I know more about my daughter than you do. How much did Dojima know, about what Nanako had told him earlier? Was he assuming that Adachi would use that as leverage?

...how could he really fault Dojima? What had Adachi done to prove otherwise? Other than everything since you got out? His actions now didn't mean anything. As much as he tried, it was never going to be better. Not really. Not enough.

"He's never done anything to me!" Nanako's voice finally broke through the noise, a genuine scream at her phone. "I don't care!"

The argument faded again, and Adachi just closed his eyes. "He's got a history. You have to be careful around him. Don't let your guard down. Did he try anything? Are you sure you're comfortable?" Adachi could practically hear what Dojima had to be saying. This is what I mean, Nanako. You deserve better than this. You deserve so much better. His hands shook, tightened in fists at his sides, and one swung up to slam into the wall next to him. No. He'd spent years trying to not be this person. Leave it to Dojima to be the one who pulls it out of me. Dammit. 

He wasn't sure how long he'd stood there before he heard footsteps come out of the other side of the apartment. "Tohru-san?" Her voice was tired, worn out, sad. 

"Yeah."

"Are..." A pause. "Are you okay?"

Adachi coughed a sharp bark of a laugh. "Fantastic." He flattened his hand against the wall and pushed himself away from it. "I'm sorry about that."

As he turned to face her, he saw the angry confusion etched on her expression. "Sorry? You don't have anything to be sorry for. You didn't do anything."

"I've spent most of my life doing something to justify that." He knew he wasn't keeping enough of the bitterness held back.

"Hey." She walked up to him, just out of arm's reach. "Dad has no reason to come at you like that."

"What did I tell you?" He matched her gaze. "There's nothing I can do to erase my past. You've told me how hard it was for him to move on - you think he'd trust me around you? When he's not around?" Adachi shook his head. "And I don't know if I'll ever stop reacting like that. I'm not safe."

"But you recognize it." She took another step forward. "That's the difference."

"It's not going to matter if I realize it's wrong, if I realize it ten minutes too late."

Nanako just stepped forward again and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. "That doesn't give anyone the right to jump to conclusions, though."

Adachi stilled for a moment, then slowly put his arms around her shoulders, resting his head on hers. "People will, though. Especially people like your dad, who really knew me back then. Who actually know what I did."

She didn't have an immediate response to that. "Would you?" Nanako looked up at him. 

"Would I what?"

"If you were coming on to me and I turned you down, would you threaten me?"

"No! God, no." His body felt like it dropped ten degrees just at the thought. "Of course not. I wouldn't even be doing that in the first place."

"Then why is what my dad thinks you're going to do so important?"

"Be--" He sighed. "Because he's still your father, Nanako. Just because you're eighteen now doesn't mean that suddenly he's just going to stop being involved in your life. And Dojima doesn't trust me as far as he could throw me."

"But I trust you." Her voice was soft, and it wrenched Adachi's chest. "I wish more people could see in you what I see."

He managed half a laugh at that. "I wish I could see what you see in me." She just hugged him tighter. He let her stay there a moment, evening out his breathing, before finally speaking again. "You should probably get home."

She grumbled. "I'm gonna get bitched at."

"I-- ... well, yes, probably." It's not like he could argue it. Dojima was clearly in a mood. "But better to get bitched at now and minimize it?"

"Nnnngh." She buried closer into his chest. "I was having such a nice time."

"You were definitely asleep."

"It was a nice sleep." He could hear the smile in her voice. But after a beat, she did pull back enough to look up at him. "Don't let my dad get to you, Tohru-san. You know he's just a grumpy bastard."

He bit back the snort. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that."

She just grinned up at him. "You can't argue that it's not true."

"Choosing to stay silent." But he finally managed a smile back at her. "Learned that lesson a lot time ago."

"Uh huh." She leaned in to rest her head on his chest again, and he let his head rest lightly on hers again. She didn't stay there for long, though - looking back up at him a moment later with a small smile. "I want you to know, Tohru-san. I don't care what anyone else says about you, especially my dad. I can see how much you've changed. And I trust you."

He had to choke down the frog in his throat before he could respond. "I'm glad one of us trusts me." The smile she got in return was weak. "But I appreciate it, Nanako. I really do."

She leaned up onto her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before stepping away. "I'll text you when I get home."

"Safe trip back." With a small wave, she slipped back into her shoes and out the door, and Adachi let out a long breath as he slumped onto his couch, burying his hands in his hair. If absolutely nothing else, the past 24 hours had convinced him that not only did he need to make a decision about what he was going to do about this whole situation, but he knew that he couldn't let it continue. He couldn't let her throw away her life, her reputation, her possibilities because of him. And he...

...

He couldn't let himself do that to her. Do anything to her. She... She was worth too much. To him, to her family, to everyone. Nearly forty years of his life spent being a selfish asshole, and he needed that to stop, now. Before he did something he couldn't take back, couldn't make right. He cared about her too much.

He...

... He needed to not finish that sentence.

Walking back into his room, he pulled up short with a sigh. Her hoodie. She'd left it on the floor. Adachi reached into his pocket to fish out his phone.

Hey, you left your hoodie here. Want me to run it back to you?

While he waited for the response, he walked over to said garment and picked it up, shaking it off a little before folding it up. The movement was enough to send a faint whiff through the air: lemon, mint, something almost fruity he recognized but couldn't place. Familiar enough that he knew it was whatever combination of soap or shampoo or whatever that Nanako used on a regular basis.

It took his phone buzzing in his pocket a few moments later to realize that he'd frozen in place.

don't worry about it, i'll just get it next time i'm there :) i'm already at the bus anyway

Okay, if you're sure. It'll be here.

thanks tohru-san~

With a final fold, Adachi walked over to set the hoodie in his closet - and got it arm's length away before he froze again. Set it down, Tohru. Put it away. Don't. He swallowed, taking a slow breath. 

Pulled it back to him, held against his chest.

Closed his eyes.

...

And quickly shoved it into the closet and shut the door. No. No. Before he could change his mind, he walked back into the kitchen to figure out something to eat for dinner. He needed to get it out of his mind.

It wasn't until that night, falling into bed with an ungraceful flop, that he realized that all his work earlier was in vain anyway.

The pillow smelled like her too.

And if he slept that night with a pillow under his arm, well - no one could prove it.