Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Peter was anxious and everyone around him could tell. He knew they could tell to and it just made it ten times worst. He tried to act normal but it became increasingly hard to do so as time went on.

It had been 3 days since Harley found out about his secret and it made him on edge. There were so many possibilities that hadn’t been there before. Harley could tell Tony, Harley could accidentally say about it in front of someone, Friday could tell Tony now. There was so many and peter couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was like all the possibilities played on his mind in a loop and he couldn’t stop it. It was stressing him out to say the least and he just wanted it all to go away. He wanted his blades but Harley took them away the day he found out. So they were pretty much gone from his life now and it sucked. It sucked real bad.

He didn’t think he was addicted to his blades but this was really making him rethink that. Peter didn’t realise how much he relied on those things and he was killing him without them. He didn’t know what to do when he wanted to hurt himself so he just ended up going on patrol. He patrolled a lot in the past couple of days, he was sure Tony noticed it. He knew Harley did, the looks of concern when he though peter wasn’t looking weren’t so subtle. He knew Harley meant the best for him and he’s been great. He had spent more time with peter since he found out and been there more. Peter just really wished he didn’t know and that just made him feel bad about it.

He knew Harley was going to encourage peter to Tony. He just knew it but he couldn’t tell Tony. He would hate him and it would just be bad. Tony would realise that he didn’t want a cutter living him and that letting peter live him was a mistake. And peter wasn’t sure if he could deal with the rejection. Not when everything is becoming so much harder when he doesn’t have his blades to rely on.

They were at dinner, Tony had cooked them pasta. Tony and Harley were chatting about something and peter concentrated on eating his food and trying to act normal. He let his mind wonder slightly, that was a mistake. He started to think about how this could be one of the last time he ate with them, as a family. He didn’t want to loose this just because he couldn’t cope with some things normally. He couldn’t loose it just because there was something wrong in his mind that made him not okay.

“Peter?” A voice snapped him out of his spiralling. He looked up to see Tony and Harley staring at him. He felt his eyes widen in shock as he saw the concern on his face before he quickly smiled.

“Yeah” he smiled sheepishly.

“You okay? We were calling you for a couple of moments there” Tony said calmly but peter heard the panic in his voice. Tony was a worrier when it came to him and Harley.

“Yeah sorry. I was thinking about patrol and must of got lost in my thought” peter lied as he laughed a bit. Even to his ears it seemed a bit forced but he hoped that Tony would just not hear that.

“Oh yeah? You’ve been patrolling a lot recently. Is everything okay?” Tony asked, worry seeping into his voice. Peter knew he was indirectly asking if there was a villain that he should know about.

“Yeah everything fine. I just want to try to help more people I guess” he shrugged.

“Okay then. If there’s anything you need to talk about just remember I’m always here”

Peter nodded in response before he went back to eating. He saw Harley staring at him out of the corner of his eye. He was pretty sure Harley knew he was lying. He ducked his head slightly as the conversation began again.

Peter was laying in his bed as he stared at the ceiling. Tony had put glow in the dark star stickers on it as a joke. He said peter looked at the stars so often he might as well have some of his own personal stars to look at.
The thought of telling Tony was in his mind to no surprise and he kinda knew he would had to tell him at some point. But that doesn’t mean he had to do it now and ruin everything.

He heard a knock on his door. He looked towards it as it opened and Harley appeared. He looks cautious as stepped into his room.

“You okay?” Peter asked him.

“We need to talk”

“Why?”

“Tony knows something is up. He keeps asking me if I know anything is wrong or something with you. I won’t tell him anything if you don’t want me too but I think he should know” Harley said as he sat by peter feet.

“No” peter said quickly “he can’t know”

“Petey, he won’t hate you I promise. I just think that if he does know it might be better” Harley tried reasoning. Peter sat up and stared st him.

“You said I can tell him when I’m ready.” Peter bit out his eyebrows furrowing.

“I know but it’s stressing you out pete. We can all see it and your patrolling more and it’s just worrying” Harley said

“Oh okay. I’m not telling him. I can’t tell him. He will hate me and he will kick me out” peter said firmly.

“He won’t hate you. He couldn’t never hate and he wouldn’t kick you out. We both know that” Harley said softly. Peter stood up by his bed and stared at Harley. He felt tears building in his eyes.

“I can’t do it” he said “he will hate me”

“He won’t though. Please Petey. I know it will be hard but it will be better in the long run”

“Harley. No. Please don’t do this”

“Peter-“

“No okay. You said I can tell him when I was ready and now what? You’re not letting me decide when I do it. You’re not giving me the choice to do it when I’m ready” peter interrupted feeling tears fall. He was frustrated and he wasn’t angry. Not really. He just wished it could be different and none to this was happening. He started to walk towards his door, he didn’t want to say something he would regret.

“I know peter and I’m sorry but tony should know” Harley said, his voice raising a bit.

“What should I know?” A voice spoke, stopping both Harley and peter in their actions. They looked towards to the door and saw Tony standing there. Peter was a couple of feet away from it and froze.

Oh no. This wasn’t good, this wasn’t good at all he thought. He stared at Tony as he felt panic build.

“Is everything okay?” Tony questioned as he noticed the tears falling from peters eyes. Peter just stared at him. No one said anything as they all looked at each other.

Peter felt his breathing become heavier as he processed the situation more.
He was screwed. Tony was going to find out. He was sure of it. Peter just knew it.
He felt himself take feels breaths as he tried to breath.

“Pete?” Tony asked. Peter stared at him as he struggled to breath. Tony caught in quickly snd went by his side.

“Hey hey it’s okay” Tony whispered “breath kiddo”

“I can’t” peter whimpered out as his breath quickened even more.

“In and out. Follow mine” Tony comforted as he pulled the boy into a hug and place peters hand on his chest.

Harley looked at the pair as he felt guilt build. It was his fault peter was having a panic attack. If he just listened it would be okay.

“You’re doing great bubba” Tony whispered to peter as he said sweet nothings to him.

It was a couple of minutes before peter got his breathing back to normal. He leant onto Tony more as he felt the panic attack tiring him out.

“Let’s lay down yeah” Tony said pulling peter to the bed. Harley moved over so there was more space. Tony laid down with peter on one of his side and Harley on the other.

“Please can someone tell me what’s happening” Tony’s voice was soft and it sounded almost like he was pleading. “I won’t be mad I just want to know what’s happen”

No one said anything. Peter snuggled into his side more and sighed.

“Harley?” Tony questioned his voice firm. The boy just closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault” peter mumbled “Harley’s just trying to help”

“What is?”

“Peter it’s okay” Harley muttered

“I’m so sorry” peter cried “don’t hate me”

“No bubs I couldn’t ever hate you. Never. “ Tony said “please just tell me what’s going on”

Peter sighed as he closed his eyes, he was beginning to feel tired and he just wanted to sleep.

“Harley will tell you” he mumbled into Tony’s chest as he kept his eyes closed.

“Peter you don’t have to this.” Harley replied

“It’s okay just do it. If he hates me he hates me. I will just have to deal with it right?”

Tony looked between the two boys as they spoke. He didn’t have a clue on what was going on but as time went on he felt like it was more important then he thought.

“Okay I guess” Harley paused, he looked at Tony taking a deep breath before he continued , “a couple of days ago I caught peter doing something. And it wasn’t good”

Tony nodded slightly urging him to continue.

“I caught him hurting himself” Harley whispered, his voice breaking.

“I’m sorry tony. Please don’t hate me” peter mumbled.

Tony stopped, he felt his heart break as the words sunk in. Peter, his boy, was hurting himself.

“Pete?” He asked, maybe it was a joke or something. He felt peter nod his head. “Is it true?”

“I’m sorry. Don’t kick me out” he cried. Tony felt his heart stop.

“Shh shh it’s okay” Tony comforted “I would never do that. Never. I love you, I love you both”

Tony wasn’t sure what to do or how to react. How do you react to something like this? He wrapped his arms around both of them and pulled them close to him. He whispered sweet nothings to them as he felt peter cry into his shoulder. It wasn’t long before he felt wetness from the side Harley was laying on. He couldn’t let himself break when his kids were already doing so.

“I love you both so much and I’m here now. I’m going to make it all better. It’s gonna be okay kiddos” he comforted.

It wasn’t long before they both fell asleep on him. He had them as he thought about the discovery. His kids were hurting, one more than the other, but he was going to be there now. And he was going to help them not matter what.

“I’m here now, it’s all gonna be okay”

Chapter Text

When peter woke up he was confused. He was half laying half cuddling with someone. Upon opening his eyes, with a quiet groan, he saw it was tony. And then he remembered what had happened. He felt his heart drop, Tony knew Harley knew, everyone knew how and he was left with dealing with the aftermath. He settled back down where his head was closed his eyes. Maybe he could just sleep and deal with it later.

“I know you’re awake” a voice startled him. Peter looked up, opening his eyes once again, to meet Tony looking down at him. He groaned a little before resting his head on his chest.

“How’d you sleep?” Tony asked, voice quiet careful not to wake Harley up, he was still sleeping on the other side of Tony and he wanted him to sleep as much as he can.

“Good” Peter whispered, his voice husky from sleep. Tony hummed in response and nodded.

“That’s good. I was thinking we could leave sleeping beauty here and make some pancakes then talk” Tony suggested but his voice showed that peter had no choice.

“Sure. Lemme get changed first though”

“Okay meet me in the kitchen in 10 bambino” Tony agreed. Peter quickly got himself out of bed and grabbed the first clean clothes he could find and went to his bathroom.

Tony sat up, trying to keep his movements to the minimum, he looked around peters room and sighed. It was going to be a hard morning that was for sure. Tony felt like he was helpless, he was a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist but he had no idea how to comfort and talk to his kid about why he was hurting himself. He just felt so unprepared and he wanted to hold peter forever and never let him go. He knew he couldn’t do it, even if half of him wanted to, and he knew he has to do this. Not for him but for peter. Peter needed him and he wasn’t there but he was going to be here now, for him and Harley. He was gonna help then with this even if he didn’t know what to do. He has to be their father right now.

Peter sighed before stepping fully into the kitchen and sat down on a stool. Tony was by the stove with a pan making many pancakes.

“Hey” Peter whispered looking down at the counter.

“Hey kid. So I thought chocolate chip pancakes for a change. Sounds good?”

“Yeah, thanks”
They lapsed back into silent, peter thinking as he waited for his breakfast and Tony mentally preparing himself as he cooked pancakes.

Once Tony had made a dozen pancakes he stopped and sat opposite peter. He handed the boy a plate and settled with his plate.

“So. Regarding last night” Tony started as he finished, peter felt himself take a deep breath “we need to talk about it”

“I’m sorry. If you want me to go and live with may again I completely understand. I’m sorry for all the problems and drama I have cause” peter spoke trying to keep his voice strong

“Pete, what? No of course not. I want you here of course I do. And so does Harley. We’re a family” Tony said quickly. Peter looked up at him and felt tears in his eyes

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you or Harley to find out. Harley found out then he was telling me to tell you and then last night happened and now you know and everyone knows and I’m sorry.” Peter rambled rushing his words

“Oh pete. I’m glad I know. I mean it wasn’t what I was expecting but that’s okay. I just want you to be okay and I want to be there for you so you don’t do it anymore” Tony spoke with a gentle voice. Peter nodded slighted and looked down at his emptied plate.

“I just... I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to stop” peter mumbled, his gaze still on his plate.

“Hey it’s going to be okay it’s not going to be easy but your not alone now.” Tony reassured "how about we move to the living room and talk about it more yeah?"

Peter nodded and stood up to take his and Tony's plate to the sink. Once he did so he followed Tony into the living room and sat on the sofa. Tony say by his side as peter sighed quietly.

"I know this is hard but I really need to understand why pete. I love you a lot and I know I don't say it a lot and I find it difficult to show how much I care to people sometimes. But without a doubt in my being I love and care for you and Harley both so much. And let's face it I'm not the person you would think of to have as a parental figure and I know I've made mistake in the past but I'm here now. And I'm going to be here for you and Harley now and I want you to know that because the world sucks a lot and sometimes if you don't have another person in your corner it can all seems a bit pointless and meaningless. So please pete help me understand and then we can go from them" Tony spoke, love and care in eyes. Peter stared at him in slight shock not really knowing what to say.

"I... it wasn't because of anything you did tony. I swear it wasn't. Don't blame yourself for my stupid mistake please" peter said quickly looking at Tony.

"Pete I didn't see it. youre my responsibility, god who am I kidding you're my kid, I meant to keep you safe even if it means it from yourself" Tony said softly.

"I... I didn't mean it for this to get this far I swear" peter said abruptly "I just didn't know how to deal with everything"

Tony nodded waiting for peter to continued.

"I just wasn't happy i guess and I found life so bad and difficult. I just wanted an out or something. An escape from my thoughts. And when I was patrolling it was okay, I was helping someone who needed it. But with the fights and the more I got injured the more I focused on the physical pain and the shit going on inside my head wasn't as bad. And I knew it was bad tony. I swear I know how I could slip or something go wrong and it can end badly. But it helped, it helped so much to just get all the bad thoughts to quieten. It was like as soon I had the blade in my hand everything just wasn't as loud and all the badness inside my mind would just bleed out from the cuts." Peter explained, looking down at his laps as he played around with his hands.

"Okay that's okay we can work with that" Tony mumbled quietly to himself more than peter.

"Look at me bambino. Life can be really bad and you're not going to be happy for all of it. That's just unrealistic but hurting yourself is also bad and I know you know that but i just don't like you having to rely on that. I don't want you slipping or ending up in hospital because it's been a really bad day and you're bleeding out. I've lost people I have loved and you're not going to be the next one. I'm not allowing you to leave me because I need you kid. But this isn't about me, it's about you and we're gonna figure this out and all your bad thoughts" Tony said in a small voice. Peter scoffed slightly not really believing him.

"How though? There's so many bad thoughts and it's hurts" Peters voice was thick as he stared into the older mans eyes.

"We're going to find better ways to quieten them and then lessen them. You're worth so much more than those thoughts and I'm so proud of you for telling me you know."

"What if they never go away?"

"Pete, They will go away at some point even if it not soon but they will and it won't hurt and you won't need to hurt yourself"

"But it helps me tony. You can't take it away" peter whimpered slightly as he felt tears in his eyes again.

"It shouldn't help you though. It's not healthy"

"I... I don't know what to do tony" peter cried. He felt arms wrap around him as Tony pulled him into a hug.

"Without my blades I'm just a mess" peter whispered

"Let me tell you a little secret. I'm a mess to" tony consoled "so we can just be messes together"

"You still want me?" Peter asked hopefully as he looked up at tony.

"Of course I do bambino, you're re my spider baby. I never stopped wanting to have you as my kid" Tony smiled

"Okay then, we can be messes together" peter mumbled "and maybe we can become less of a mess in the future"

"We will pete just you wait and see" Tony said smiling slightly, "we're going to show the world what happens when it screws with us"