Chapter Text
I was walking around this house, I can't believe this, I mean first he says I love you and then he purposes again and he buys this house it is absolutely gorgeous. After we had sex in every room I had chose the name Britin for the house and I can't believe he is selling the loft and Babylon. He is changing so much but I don't know if it's a good thing or not. I love him I know I do but it can't be the way it was before and we need to talk what went wrong last time like the hustler for my birthday, vermont, pink posse phase, the cancer and what's going to change. I look over at him and see he is starting to wake up I take a deep breath before I say "hey we need to talk". He looks straight at me and say "yes I know before we do I have something for you to make it official" he then reaches over into his jacket pocket and pulls out a velvet box and he opens it and I gasp inside are 2 platinum rings and he say "I meant what I said I love you Justin I tried to deny it for so long but I do. When I heard on the radio about the bomb all I could think that I wasn't committed to you as I should of been. Then when I saw Jen and Tucker and Jen said that you was still in there I went straight in I had to find you. Then when I found you and seeing you alive after seeing all the blood and bodies I realised that I had another chance and I want to be with you only you I have to grow up its time I have a son and we have a business I am too old for competitions who is the hottest stud and I would like a future maybe another child but with you the young blond twink who never left and wouldn't let me give up ever so I ask you again "Justin Taylor will you marry me?" and I realise he is on his knees. I look at him and say "yes Brian Kinney I will marry you I love you I always have". He then takes the ring and places it on my finger I then reach for the other ring and place it on his finger. I then said "I love you but we need to talk" he looks at me and say "OK where we going to start" and I say "after the bashing when we came up the rules". He say "OK I need to be honest with you I should of told you along time ago we need to go back before that I was there at the hospital but in the evenings I just watched you sleep and have nightmares. I kept telling myself that it was because I felt guilty but it was because I was in love with you when I showed up for your prom I knew then. Even at the beginning when I saw you under the streetlight I knew you were different you challenged me and I felt something even that first night when I took you to the hospital I wanted you there. I knew as I screamed the words but I was terrified but you kept coming back and you kept surprising me. And then when the place got burgled I threw you out and I felt so guilty you know the next morning Lindsey came round with Gus and we were writing a list of the items that had been taken and she wrote your name and I started getting worried. And then when Daphne came and told us that you had gone to New York I had already decided to come and find you but I couldn't really admit that so I argued with everyone until Deb told me and I knew that I would come after you. Anyway as time went on I realised that I had deep feelings for you but again denial and that's when I started treating you like a trick again and the King of Babylon contest seeing you with him in the backroom I didn't like it I hated it so I left. Then the next morning at the diner I was so jealous which wasn't me so again denial then when you told everyone the same words that I said when I dropped you at school I got worried as you loved me could you have feelings for him too and it terrified me so again I started pulling away from you. Then I was offered the job in New York I realised that I could finally leave and I could let you go but when we hugged that day I felt something and when you left for work I started wondering what it would be like without you and I got scared and then I was going to ask you to come with me as I would miss everyone but I couldn't imagine being without you. I gasp and reply "oh my god for what it's worth I would of come with you i would of gone anywhere where you were.'' He smiles and says "I know anyway then when I didn't get the job I was relieved as I didn't want to leave you I saw how me leaving was affecting you and I was worried about you."
"Then it was my birthday I turned 30 and when you asked me to the prom I wanted to say yes but I was in birthday blues so of course I said no. Then when I did show up I saw you and it felt right and then we danced and God it was amazing and then when you walked me to my car and then I kissed you I knew then that I loved you and you could see it in my eyes you realised then that I loved you and I was showing you in my way. Then you said that it was the best night of your life and it really was. Then you got bashed and it was the worst night of my life I saw you bleeding on the cement and I held you and I felt numb I couldn't lose you I went in the ambulance and then Mikey showed up and we waited and I kept thinking back to when Gus was born. That scarf meant so much I couldn't part with it as you found out at Gus first birthday when we made love for the first time I couldn't let it go I just kept seeing you on the cement floor with blood pouring out and your eyes closed God Justin I really thought I had lost you. Back to when we made the rules i didn't want to lose you but I knew I couldn't give you what you wanted so when we came up with the compromise I agreed and I meant what I said I didn't mind coming home to you. Then when you went to Daphnes party and slept with that boy and you kissed him. I mean why did you?". I say "it was his first time and I was going to leave but he reminded me of me and I couldn't just brush him off so I kissed him and then we talked and I told him to go clubs and bars to meet new guys and left. And then the next day he turned up at the diner I don't know how he found out where I worked and he wanted to hang out anyway I told him it was just a fuck that day and I was sorry but i didn't want anymore. I felt so guilty but I didn't want him to become me then he left and never saw him again. What about the trip to vermont?". He looks at me and sighs " ok well the business had been sold and the new owner wanted me to prove my worth to keep me on so I found someone they had never signed and went to see them and got the contact and then I made partner. Do you when I came home I said come congratulate your partner just made partner then I called your name but I was met with silence. I then went to find you I figured you were with the guys and then I found the guys and they told me you had gone to vermont. I then asked if you had gone on your own and they said yes and then they asked me what my big news was but I didn't tell them I wanted you to the first to know". I say "Oh Bri you could of told me we were never very good at communicating I really wanted to join me at vermont it was no fun without you". He has tears in his eyes and say "well I was sulking and I was too proud to come and join you". I smile and say "OK what about my birthday?" He sighs and shakes his head and say "I don't know I never celebrated a birthday except Gus but with you I was terrified I had you but again I was in denial so I brought you a hustler. I saw the hurt in your eyes when you saw him and I felt sick then when we went to Ben's birthday party I just shrugged it off. Then things started going downhill and you got with Ethan. He was everything you wanted and he could give that. So that night at the rage party I let you go I fucked myself in more ways than one as I let you be with him but then when you left with him my heart broke and I was devastated. I wanted you to be happy and then he got the deal and he turned it down and I knew I had made the right decision. Then he signed the deal after me talking to him and then you confronted me and I was stunned I wanted you then but you weren't mine anymore and when I made that speech I realised that I would risk everything for you but it was too late. Then when you arrived at work with a ring I knew that it was too late. I had lost you for good and I was crushed then when I found you at the bar having a drink and when you told me that Ian was gone you were different when you talked about him and it gave me hope. Then the next thing I know you had stayed at Daphne's and you weren't with him anymore and I was so happy. Then when we got back together and that speech you gave me about the job I knew that you were on about us."
He then says "everything happened with Stockwell and I realised that I had risked everything for you because I loved you and I don't regret it as it gave me the courage to start my own business and to be independent. Then you joined the pink posse group and I was worried about you and you had so much anger and Daphne was worried and you even confronted Chris Hobbs with a gun what the hell were you thinking?" I gasp and say "because I was angry and I was being an idiot and I wanted him to apologise that's when I left the group as I realised that we were doing were wrong especially the gun I mean I hate guns". He puts his hand on mine and say "I am sorry we should of talked more I should of been there for you like you were with the cancer when I let you". I laugh and say "I know why you pushed me away but it hurt so much I am sorry that I found out by listening to your answer machine I just wish that you would told me I love you Bri so much and you were all alone I mean you didn't even tell Michael who is your best friend". I have tears in my eyes and he say "I am sorry Justin but I didn't want your pity and I didn't want you to leave so I pushed you away I wasn't thinking straight and I mean you are amazing and I would of just been holding you back I loved you too much to do that". I grab his hand and I say "but it should of been my decision I mean you finally let me help but you still kept me at arms length". He say "I know I am sorry" and I say "I know you are I love you Bri". He says "I love you too Justin you know when I did liberty ride I kept on seeing you, even though you weren't there you kept me going that's why I finished because of you I kept seeing your face and you were encouraging me to keep going so I did". I gasp and lean over and kiss him and he kisses me back and I say "I am proud of you for finishing the ride you really are amazing and an inspiration". He smiles and I then say "what about Los Angeles did you really think I wasn't coming back?" He replies "yes that's why I brought Babylon I wanted to still feel young you know I was going to come and see you in Los Angeles but again I was still denying what I felt you so I didn't come I was terrified that you were going to leave again". I say "oh Bri I never really left you I thought about you all the time I missed you so much and I missed hanging out at Babylon and Woodys and I never stopped loving you". He sighs and say "I never stopped either when you left the last time I wanted to stop you but again I was in denial I didn't want to get hurt and I had already hurt you at Ben and Mikey housewarming party so I let you go. I really couldn't give you what you wanted but then the bomb happened and then when I said I love you to you it felt right and even though you rejected me I knew I had to change so I sold the loft and Babylon and I brought this place I want it all with you only you. I know you don't believe me but I meant those words I love you Justin and I want us to be partners and no tricks just you and me". We were all talked out and fell asleep holding each other and smiling.