Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[Class 1-gAy]

The Ol' Razzle Dazzle: @Icy-Thot

Icy-Thot: I was summoned?

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: Oui! I have a request of you.

Needs some Milk: Fear.png

Icy-Thot: What is it, Aoyama?

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: Your father is well acquainted with a man by the name of Anish Kapoor, is he not?

Icy-Thot: British sculptor dude and an all-around general prick?

Icy-Thot: Old man loves him. Why?

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: Well… ever heard of Pinkest Pink?

Icy-Thot: duh.

Icy-Thot: Is this going where I think it’s going?

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: That depends… if you’re implying, I suggest you use your own father’s money to purchase a well-known, Bean-shaped sculpture of his… then mayhaps.

Fuck Gravity: Hi, uncultured child here; can you explain what you two are talking about?

Revelry in the Dark: ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT ASSHOLE WHO BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO VANTABLACK?!

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: Oui. Would you do the honors of explaining to the uninformed?

Revelry in the Dark: WITH PLEASURE. SIT DOWN HEATHENS, IT’S TIME FOR ART WORLD DRAMA.

Revelry in the Dark:  So around 2014, scientists make the darkest material ever, named Vantablack. The art community is excited because ‘new stuff to work with, hell fuckin yeah’… and then THIS ASSHOLE BUYS THE RIGHTS TO VANTABLACK, SO HE’S THE ONLY FUCKER WHO CAN USE THE SHIT.

Revelry in the Dark: Art community is not happy.

Revelry in the Dark: Enter Stuart Semple.

Revelry in the Dark: Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time, cause he’s a boss ass motherfucker.

Revelry in the Dark:  Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s general dickery, so Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever and calls it Pinkest Pink. So, he puts it for sale on the internet… To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor.

Revelry in the Dark: Literally, to purchase, one must confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates.

Revelry in the Dark: Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.

Revelry in the Dark: of course, Kapoor is a dickhead who can’t not throw a temper tantrum, so he gets his associates in London to buy him some Pinkest Pink and decides to show how classy his is by posting a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”.

Revelry in the Dark: Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enormously popular pigments.

Icy-Thot: Interrupting momentarily to point out why my Father is friends with him… he even bought him some Pinkest Pink afterwards…

Revelry in the Dark: Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products.

Revelry in the Dark: First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a motherfucker. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy ass boss man.

Revelry in the Dark: He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.

Revelry in the Dark; Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds.

Revelry in the Dark: Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.

Revelry in the Dark: TL;DR- FUCK ANISH KAPOOR

Ground Zero: isn’t Stuart Semple the dude who make a blood-based ink and used it on shirts for World Blood Donation day because us Gays aren’t allowed to give blood?

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: Oui!

Ground Zero: I fucking love that dude. He’s like… the ultimate pettiness role-model.

Kouda: !!!

Kouda: I know that guy!! He made bio-degradable glitter in non-plastic containers!

Needs some Milk: Oh, I know that guy!! He made a bunch of pigments to help fund quirkless-support line charities in the U.S.A! Mom bought me some PHAZE for my birthday a few years back!

Fuck Gravity: Damn, that Kapoor dude sounds terrible… so what’s this plan of your Aoyama?

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: Well… if I were to have a plan, it most certainly would not include Todoroki purchasing The Bean from Mr. Kapoor, nor would it entail flying whoever wishes to visit said Bean out to Chigaco, and we most certainly would not be decorating The Bean.

Icy-Thot: I’ve got the credit card in my hand right fucking now. Get me the contact for my new role-model and we’ll make an event of it.

Icy-Thot: it’ll have to be after the Re-Naming ceremony of course.

Needs some Milk: wait, why are we re-naming it? The Bean is a great name!

Revelry in the Dark: it is… but is also not The Bean’s actual name. it’s called “The Cloud Gate”, which is stupid. It’s a FUCKING BEAN!!

Ground Zero: Make an online event of it once you got it; we’ll paint The Bean with all of the pigments the Dipshit hates. Everyone’s invited but that asshole.

A Hoe Never Gets Cold: ….

A Hoe Never Gets Cold: If you stop by Area 51 and Disneyworld, I will 100% turn it into a school visit.

Needs some Milk: You’re??? Our Art Teacher though???

A Hoe Never Gets Cold: we’ll run through a museum or two. Pissing off the Bean creator is worth it.

Icy-Thot: D E A L.

A Hoe Never Gets Cold: @U.A Chaos God; Dad, can I take the 1-A hellions on an art trip to visit and paint The Bean?

U.A Chaos God: Ensure Young Todoroki holds the rights to said Bean beforehand and bring extra chaperones, and I don’t see why not.

Icy-Thot: I’m talking to Mr. Semple right now. We’re arranging it as we speak.

Icy-Thot: I just asked and the Old Fart is okay with me buying The Bean… I haven’t told him why I want it.

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: TO THE COMMON ROOM!

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: WE HAVE A BEAN DECORATING EVENT TO PLAN!!

Dadzawa: Normally, I’d say I hate you all and give you detention

Dadzawa: but honestly?

Dadzawa: Fuck that guy in particular. I wanted to paint my room as dark as my soul, damn you.

Dadzawa: I will gladly chaperone.

Revelry in the Dark: We must name our event.

Icy-Thot: "Buy and Paint The Bean to piss off it's creator"

Revelry in the Dark: works for me.

Chapter Text

EVENT: Officially Re-name the Cloud Gate “The Bean”

When: April 19^th, 1pm-6pm

Who’s allowed: Open invite to *All!

Details: I, Shouto Todoroki, have purchased The Cloud Gate. To commemorate the occasion, I am hosting a gathering of people who despise and or resent Anish Kapoor to Officially (and Legally) Re-Name the Cloud Gate to The Bean. I already have ownership rights; they can’t stop me.

The actual naming ceremony will take less than an hour, so the remaining time is for a celebratory cook-out. Remember to be safe and clean up after yourselves! Joining me will be my classmates and Stuart Semple. Stay tuned for the after-party’s details!

*By attending this event you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not attending on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information, and belief this event will not be attended by Anish Kapoor.

*You also confirm that you are not Endeavor, you are in no way affiliated with Endeavor, you are not attending on behalf of Endeavor or an associate of Endeavor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this event will not be attended by Endeavor.

EVENT:  Paint The Bean to piss off it's creator

When: April 20th, All day event

Who’s Allowed: *All are Welcome!

Details: In Celebration of The Bean’s freedom from it’s creator, the event planners invite *all artists or anyone in general to come and paint The Bean! Paint to your heart’s content, as there will be pigments and paints graciously provided by Stuart Semple for all to use!

Rules: No Hateful Imagery, such as radicalized symbols, drug paraphernalia, Endeavor or otherwise Lewd imagery allowed. The Bean resides in a Public space, so keep it family friendly!

*By attending this event you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not attending on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information, and belief this event will not be attended by Anish Kapoor.

*You also confirm that you are not Endeavor, you are in no way affiliated with Endeavor, you are not attending on behalf of Endeavor or an associate of Endeavor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this event will not be attended by Endeavor.

Chapter Text

Revelry in the Dark: GUYS HOLY FUCK

Revelry in the Dark: THERE’S A FUCKING UPDATE TO THE ANISH KAPOOR SITUATION.

Icy-Thot: Besides the breakdown over The Bean’s freedom?

Revelry in the Dark: YES

Ground Zero: SPILL, EMU.

Ground Zero: I fuckin love the Semple guy… I need to know more.

Revelry in the Dark: SEMPLE FUCKIN FOUND THE ASSHOLES WHO GAVE HIM PRETTIEST PINK

Revelry in the Dark: (not the Endewhore version tho.. we been knew. I’m talkin about the original dicks)

Revelry in the Dark: So basically Semple posted a screenshot of a document to snapchat (with stuff redacted of couse) and let everyone know who the fuck did the deed.

Revelry in the Dark: Highlights of said document include:

Revelry in the Dark: “I hold your gallery in the highest esteem, I am a fan of several of your artists, but on this occasion you have been extremely naughty. You have been part of a conspiracy to obtain my PINK and provide Mr. Kapoor with it.”

Revelry in the Dark: “He needs to say sorry for hurting everyone’s feelings.”

Revelry in the Dark: “if we are unable to resolve this in a timely and grown up way I am fully prepared to take further action which will no doubt become stressful and expensive.  Therefore I would appreciate it if: 1. Your gallery would say sorry for giving my pink to Mr. Kapoor. 
2. Mr. Kapoor would give me my pink back. I don’t want him to have it. 
3. He will write 100 times, ‘I will be nice, I will share my colours’ and he will post the same to his Instagram.”

Ground Zero: “Mr. Kapoor would give me my pink back. I don’t want him to have it”

Ground Zero: I’M FUCKING HOWLING

Icy-Thot: Tsu, can we add Mr. Semple to my list of fathers? I would like to strive to be this petty.

Rare Pepe: Done and Done (Kero)

Dadzawa: If they get him to release Vantablack rights, I will steal my husband’s amplifier and scream

Needs some Milk: I’m glad Mr. Semple found them! You know, what’s even funnier is that if they want to avoid a lawsuit, they need to humiliate themselves publicly and convince Kapoor to do likewise.

Icy-Thot: Can we appreciate “I will be nice, I will share my colours”?

Icy-Thot: I C O N I C

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle: we should hold an event in celebration!

I’m Baby: Should I get the others? What will we need?

Needs some Milk: That’s a great idea Aoyama! Kouda, can you get my art box from my room? We’ll have a painting party!

Ground Zero: Why the fuck do we need your box, Deku?

Needs some Milk: Oh, I don’t know… maybe it’s because I actually have pigments from Mr. Semple?

Revelry in the Dark: perfect.

I’m Baby: I’ve got it Midoriya! It’s kinda heavy though… I’ll put it in the common room!

Needs some Milk: Thanks Kouda!

Dadzawa: be sure to put something down before you start painting… I am not cleaning paint off the carpet.

Icy-Thot: Yes sir.

A Hoe Never Gets Cold: I’ll come supervise!

Dadzawa: NO LEWD IMAGRY AROUND MY KIDS NEM.

******

EVENT: Painting with Stuart Semple pigments to celebrate the finding of the assholes who gave Mr. Kapoor Prettiest Pink

When: Right Fucking Now

Who’s Allowed: Open to *all!

Details: Come one, come *all and celebrate the knowledge of who fucked the art world over by giving Prettiest Pink to one Mr. Kapoor! The knowledge is great, and the response by Mr. Semple is even greater! We, the owners of The Bean, invite all to Dagobah Municipal Beach Park, where we shall be hosting a painting party from now until tomorrow morning (permission was granted of course) We have a wide assortment of pigments and varnishes by Mr. Semple, and you ae more than welcome to bring your own! We look forward to seeing you!

*By attending this event you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not attending on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information, and belief this event will not be attended by Anish Kapoor.

*You also confirm that you are not Endeavor, you are in no way affiliated with Endeavor, you are not attending on behalf of Endeavor or an associate of Endeavor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this event will not be attended by Endeavor.