Chapter Text
“Phil Lester, tell me you did not eat all the cereal again!” Dan’s shrill voice cuts through Phil’s walls mere moments before Dan himself swings Phil’s bedroom door open, holding what must be a suspiciously light box of Crunchy Nut cereal. His eyes are comically wide, as is his stance, and he throws the box straight at Phil’s head. It bounces to the floor without any real consequence. “That’s my breakfast, you absolute spoon!”
Phil rolls his eyes without malice; Dan has always had a flare for the dramatics. “It’s two in the afternoon! Hardly time for breakfast,” he snaps back, but he does feel the slightest bit guilty about the cereal.
“Who are you to dictate when I eat breakfast? Besides, maybe if you hadn’t kept me up all night, I would have gotten up earlier. ‘Oh, Dan, let’s play one more round. I just want to win once. Oh, Dan, you’re my only friend!’” Dan’s stepped closer now, using his pointer finger to prod impishly at Phil’s shoulder.
“Oi! Shut it!” Phil grabs Dan’s wrist and tugs, sending the younger man sprawling across Phil’s bed, and the two collapse in giggles like they’re teenagers again, wrestling and shoving each other with gentle hands. It’s times like this that Phil is struck by how lucky he is to have Dan. How many people find a best friend that they can spend literally every day with and not get tired of their very existence?
___
Of course, Phil is the one who leaves to get more cereal. Dan offers to tag along, but his heart’s not in it, and Phil is most definitely the one who ate it all anyways. It`s the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday, so Tesco is fairly quiet, and Phil doesn`t have to worry about bumping into someone he may know. He beelines for the cereal aisle, eager to get what he came for and get out, but he can`t seem to find the beloved Crunchy Nut anywhere on the shelf. He can imagine Dan`s face if he doesn`t come home with the right stuff. There will be hell to pay.
“Excuse me,” he asks someone in a vest, assuming that they probably work in the store. Unless they just really like vests. The someone turns around, and Phil is struck by how attractive they are. He’s at least Phil’s height, which is a feat in itself, and he’s got curly blond hair that just gently brushes his forehead in a way that-
“Yeah?” The guy asks, and Phil has to actually force his mouth to work again. God, get it together, Lester, he thinks. Has it really been so long that you’re lusting after a clerk at Tesco?
“Is this all the cereal you have? Sorry, I mean I don’t want to be one of those people who are always like, ‘can you check in the back?’ but I ate all my housemate’s cereal, and I promised him I’d get more, but you don’t seem to have any of it in stock. And I would honestly feel horrible if I-”
“-Listen, man. It’s no problem. What brand are you looking for?” Tesco guy is smiling now, despite all the floundering, and Phil’s face must be so red, judging by the way it’s all heated up. In the end, they don’t have any more boxes of Crunchy Nut, but Tesco guy helps him place a delivery order online so that some will literally get brought to their flat. Phil makes a mental note to never tell Dan about that fun little feature, because he’s pretty sure the other man would literally never leave home again.
“You’re literally the most helpful person I’ve ever met,” Phil gushes before he can stop himself, and wow, he did not think that it was possible for his face to get even warmer.
Tesco guy smiles again with his row of annoyingly white teeth. “I have to admit, I may have some ulterior motives. That housemate of yours, is that all he is? A housemate?”
“I’m not sure what you mean,” Phil says slowly. Tesco guy sounds oddly suggestive right now, but Phil is trying really hard to not get his hopes up. There’s no way this absolutely stunning guy is trying to make a move on him in the middle of the supermarket.
“Is he your boyfriend? God, I’m sorry. That sounded really blunt. I promise I don’t normally do this. You’re just… well, you’re very fit, and it kind of seemed like you were maybe into me a little, and I’m sorry, but… is he your boyfriend?”
Phil nearly chokes on his own tongue. “Who, Dan? Absolutely not,” he says it so quickly through a mouth full of spit that he can only hope Tesco guy understood any of it.
“But you would be interested in that. In having a boyfriend, I mean.”
“Oh. Gay.” Tesco guy’s brilliant green eyes go so wide that Phil nearly cries from embarrassment. “Fuck! Oh, sorry. Oh my God. I mean, yes. I’m gay,” he stutters, sure he’s going to faint right in the middle of the cereal aisle, right in front of this totally hot guy that he’s surely ruined his chances with. But a smile slowly inches its way across Tesco guy’s face before he full out guffaws, throwing his head back with uncontained mirth.
“Good,” he chuckles, “in that case, can I put my number in your phone? That way, you don’t have to actually contact me if you want to brush me off as, like, a weird stalker.” Phil laughs too, and he hands over his phone. When their hands brush, Phil feels little electric sparks that tingle all the way down to his toes. “Well, I really should get back to work. Please, call me! Or text. It’ll give me something to look forward to.”
___
On the walk back home, Phil waits approximately two minutes before opening up his phone. Tesco guy has saved his number under “Tyler”, and he’s put a little heart emoji beside the name. It makes Phil’s actual heart flutter, and he might seem desperate for sending a text right away, but he kind of is desperate.
020 7946 0323: Hi there, Tyler. It’s nice that I can stop calling you Tesco Guy in my internal monologues now.
He shuts his phone off instead of staring at the conversation, his stomach bursting with nervous energy. Biting his lips, Phil feels like he’s in high school again, wanting to ask a boy out, but too scared to come out. His phone chimes as he gets through the door, but it’s just one of those automated Facebook alerts notifying him of a birthday what he really doesn’t care about. Dan’s moulded with the couch cushion when he walks into the lounge. “One of these days, you’re going to go through metamorphosis and truly become one with our sofa,” Phil says, dropping down beside him. Their arms press together as Phil leans in to get a glimpse of Dan’s dash as he scrolls through Tumblr.
“Where’s the stuff, Lester.”
Phil shoves his face into Dan’s shoulder. “Dan, my best friend in the whole world. My reason for existing. My sun and moon and all my stars. My knight in shining armour. They did not have any.”
“So, you left me alone here for a full hour after eating the only thing I know how to cook, and you don’t even bring back the one thing you went to buy? I could have starved, Phil. Starved. I still might,” he laments, pushing Phil’s forehead away with the palm of his hand.
“Oh, don’t be such a baby. I’ll make some pasta, but only if you cut up the veggies for the sauce. It’s got to be a team effort. Besides, all is not lost. I think old Philly may have found himself a date,” Phil says excitedly. Dan doesn’t say anything. In fact, the only indication that he heard Phil is that he is no longer scrolling on his laptop, just hovering his hands over the keys. Phil’s heart drops a little, worried that something he’s said has upset his flatmate. Could he really be that upset over the cereal that he couldn’t even be happy for Phil? “Dan,” he says, “you alright?”
Clearing his throat, Dan turns with a startled smile. “Sorry! I was just – um. I was caught by surprise, I guess. You met someone? Just now?”
“Yeah! He’s a clerk, and he was actually the one who helped me look for the cereal!”
“Well, he must not be very good at his job considering you came home empty handed.”
Phil laughs at the joke even though he’s not quite sure Dan meant it do be one. The silence that follows makes Phil feel more awkward around Dan than he has in years. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“I’m feeling peachy, Phil. It’s just that I didn’t know you were looking for someone.”
“I wasn’t, really. You know how busy we are. And it’s honestly not often that people flirt with me in real life.”
“I flirt with you all the time!” Dan says, and this time it’s definitely a joke, so Phil definitely laughs.
“You know what I mean.” There’s that silence again. “I’m really excited about this, Dan. Could you just talk to me? Why are you upset?”
“I’m not upset,” Dan says quickly, his eyes not leaving the screen, “I’m just a little confused. Since when do you pick people up off the street?”
“I didn’t ‘pick him off the street’. He was nice, and frankly, insanely hot, and when he asked to give me his number, I gave it to him before he could change his mind.”
“Hey, don’t be like that. I’m sorry. I happen to know that you are also nice and ‘insanely hot’. And I am happy for you. Let’s just start on dinner.”
___
Tyler: Hey yourself, hot stuff. My shift just ended.
020 7946 0323: How was it?
Tyler: Boring. Normal.
Tyler: Well, now that you know my name, I think it’s only fair that I know yours.
020 7946 0323: It’s Phil :P
Tyler: I guess now I can stop calling you hot stuff in my internal monologues now.
Phil: lol I guess so!
Tyler: I’m going to cut to the chase. I think you are really cute. When are you free?
Phil: At the risk of sounding like a loser, I’m free most of the time. I promise I have a job!
Tyler: Haha, I look forward to hearing all about it on… Saturday? At ten? Starbucks?
Phil: Oh
Phil: Yes, please.
___