Chapter Text
1 – Possessiveness
When he first met Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng was furious.
He didn’t like how he stole his father’s attention, made him send his dogs away and even got his sister to do her special ribs soup for him All. The. Time. He wanted to be like him. He envied how easy it was for Wei Wuxian to have such a strong cultivation and be so carefree about everything.
They would fight, yell, laugh and take care of each other. Their sister would be the perfect mediator to their issues, tending to it as if it was their mother.
Wei Wuxian would cling to him so easily, as if he was the most precious thing in the world. He hated it. How could some stranger get everything he had (and wished to have back) and yet disregard it all, caring for nothing but fun fun fun?
He wished Wei Wuxian was his like the precious gifts his father gave him. He wished the other was his so he’d always have those precious smiles and participate of his greatest accomplishments. All of Jiang Cheng’s problems would disappear once they were together, he felt truly free. He felt strangely ordinary. And he liked it.
Older kids would laugh saying they were inseparable, that Jiang Cheng would follow the other as if he was pursuing a beautiful maiden. He didn’t understand any of that.
2 – The beginning
Wei Wuxian started thinking Jiang Cheng might have feelings for him once they became teenagers.
He noticed on the way his eyes would linger for too long once they were bathing. On the way Jiang Cheng would desperately yell at him for disappearing when they were hunting together. On the way he’d share his lotus seeds and even a few of his precious spiritual toys. On the way he angrily cared.
No one else care for him like that.
He tried exploring it once. They were hiding and drinking Emperor’s Smile for so long he had lost count how many bottles it had been. He was certain they were both a bit out of it. Wei Wuxian called for Jiang Cheng as if he’d tell an infamous, wicked yet secretive joke and brushed their lips together. He was shoved back immediately and left alone.
The next day, Jiang Cheng developed a faint blush whenever they got close, he’d glance at his lips from time to time and avoid any time of physical contact. He was also extra grumpy. It was awkward and Wei Wuxian wanted to joke and make fun of it as if it was nothing, but he didn’t. It had felt wrong. It had meant something.
It all changed when they were sent to Cloud Recesses for education.
3 – Pride and Jealousy
There, Jiang Cheng tried to mingle with other disciples, trying to increase and improve his circle of influence. However, he couldn’t stop gravitating around Wei Ying. He found it funny to watch him sharing his porn books with Nie Huaisang. He thought it was cute how Wei Ying would grab rabbits and run after them. He followed him to the city, to the lake to hunt Water Ghouls… It was infuriating whenever Wei Ying shared his unusual reasoning to everyone and anyone who would show interest. He used to be the ONLY ONE listening to his thoughts on unorthodox cultivation.
Jiang Cheng became totally lost once Wei Ying began to gravitate around Lan Wanji. Who was this so-called Jade of Gusu, to catch his brother’s attention like that? The whole thing was utterly and intensely despicable!
The exchange made him realize he might have unbrotherly feelings towards Wei Ying. He was trying so hard to live up to his mother's expectations, remembering her lectures about self-righteousness. It immediately made him hate himself for thinking about his brother that way. It was wrong. It was disgusting. They were brothers. He shouldn’t want Wei Ying like this.
So, in a futile try to ease his heartache, Jiang Cheng started acting like a good brother he was and pointed out Lan Wanji didn’t like Wei Ying’s attention. He told him the white-robbed guy would bring him trouble (as if it wasn’t the other way around). He said it over and over again. It didn’t ease his pain.
Eventually, Wei Ying got punished. Jiang Cheng was worried thinking how long it would take for him to heal when Lan XiChen said he could just go take a bath in the healing thermal water to speed it up. Of course, Lan Wanji was there. Of course, Wei Ying would talk endlessly about how perfect that guy was. He had perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect golden eyes.
Jiang Cheng was so fucking jealous!
4 – Lust
Who was he kidding? Once Wei Wuxian figured out the perfect way to provoke Jiang Cheng, he would always ALWAYS use the opportunity to do so. Lan Wanji was indifferent and probably hated him, even getting him punished. Tsk, the guy had no sense of humor, he was helping him develop one. He should be grateful.
His efforts didn’t matter, though. Jiang Cheng would criticize him but wouldn’t do anything about it. He was getting impatient.
Back at home, Jiang Chen’s hair stayed disheveled, his clothes dirty for all the activities they did during the day. Outside Yunmeng, he was a different person. His hair was always properly tied up, his clothes had no wrinkles and his manners were impeccable. It made Wei Wuxian want to make a mess out of him. He wanted to climb up on his lap and kiss the breath out of him. He wanted the other to throw him at the bed and have his way until both were satisfied.
He had no doubts about how he felt. Seeing Jiang Cheng lost in thoughts once in a while got him butterflies at his stomach. He had a scowl who’d turn into a soft expression every time Wei Wuxian appeared out of nowhere to (try to) scare him. But it wasn’t love. At least not yet.
It was because of those damn books. The porn he got made him imagine all sorts of things they could try together. It made him curious. It made him hot and hard.
Since he couldn’t make Jiang Cheng take initiative, Wei Wuxian had to persuade him. No one could hold his liquor as well as him. Nie Huaisang had just left their quarters after drinking together, claiming it was too late and they had class the next day. On the other hand, his step-brother had been scowling for the last 30 minutes and was fighting a losing battle in order to remain awake.
“Hey, do you want to try something fun?” Wei Wuxian asked while closing the doors.
“What?”
Instead of answering, he got closer and closer until they were only a breath away. Jiang Cheng was looking at him without really seeing him, so Wei Wuxian sat on his lap and grabbed his head with both hands, pressing their lips together soon after.
Jiang Cheng tried to push him, but he had no strength, he kept pushing until he lost his balance and fell backwards, bringing Wei Wuxian fully on top of him. He parted his lips to complain but only got to deepen the kiss. His hands went instinctively around the other’s waist, grabbing him tightly.
The kiss was sloppy, they didn’t really know what to do with their tongue. It seemed as if they were fighting each other but- How could a fight be so good? Jiang Cheng made small noises that got him hot. He didn’t want to miss anything, gluing their lips together until everything started to spin. Parting to get some air, the last thing Wei Wuxian remember is Jiang Cheng’s dazed look, pink cheeks and swollen lips before it all became dark.
He woke up the next day on a hard yet soft surface. He looked down and found himself still on top of Jiang Cheng, his hands at each side of the other’s face. There was so much muscle underneath him, he was surprised he didn’t have a hard on.
Wei Wuxian decided he wouldn’t pretend anything happened like the last time. He kissed Jiang Cheng’s cheek, trying to wake him up. He did again and again, softly, alternating between the sides of his face until he got a response.
Jiang Cheng breathed a heavy breath, opened his eyes and froze. He looked shocked. He looked angry. He looked hurt. He stood up, throwing Wei Wuxian down of him without a care.
“Jiang Cheng, I- I-”
“I’m not your toy. This is digusting!!!” Jiang Cheng spat out, breathing heavily, his hands clenched into fists. “I don’t want to do fun things with you again. I hope you respect that”. And then he left.
It all happened so fast Wei Wuxian didn’t know what to say to make him understand he wasn’t playing. That it wasn't digusting. That it was ok for them to try it together. He couldn’t explain how he felt. That same day, his emotions were so out of control he couldn’t help but fight Ji Zixuan when the guy said bad things about his shijie. It made secretly grateful for being expelled. He needed time to think.
If this wasn’t love, why did it hurt so bad?
5 - Confusion
At first, Jiang Cheng could only focus on the small kisses. He woke up before Wei Ying but decided to indulge himself just a little bit. Then he noticed the lean muscles on the other back (one of his hands were still there), the hair that was at the side of his neck, so very soft, his soft and firm lips, the warmth enveloping them... He didn’t know what to do with all these feelings.
When last night’s activity came to his mind, he froze, his heart rocketing. He didn’t had time to put on a neutral face.
What the fuck had happened? He- They- Did they really kiss like that? He didn’t know why Wei Ying decided to do it, but he didn’t want to be the other’s experiment, so he gave him a warning and left.
He was so conflicted. He would lash out on anyone who came to talk to him, giving dry and short answers, showing a bit of his true colors in front of all those newly acquaintances.
Why did his heart chose Wei Ying of all people? Why was it him and any other of the countless maidens at his sect? He was a man, for fuck's sake!
Ji Zixuan’s provocation really made it all worse. His resentment and envy for all the attention Wei Wuxian got came back at full force. He was glad the other had attacked him because he didn’t know how long he’d be able to control himself. Or what he’d do. He decided to return to his sect was well. And put and end to whatever it was that was eating him alive.
Back there, Jiang Cheng was aimlessly walking around when he overheard Wei Wuxian and his sister talking. Apparently, it had something to do with being in love. He didn’t know how long he was there for, his mind bringing him memories of Gusu and a Jade Twin. Of course his brother would experimenting on him! He started thinking that he was stupid for thinking the other could feel anything but pity for him, but also wondering if he heard it right. Was Wei Ying really in love? Why couldn't it be him? Why couldn't he, just this once, have what his heart desired?
Just how many times Wei Ying could take everything he had?