Chapter Text
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There wasn’t a sound coming from the dorm as Mingyu and Junhui made their way to where the others were waiting, save for the sound of their own breathing.
Mingyu’s eyes widened as he surveyed living room, seeing his hyungs scattered around. When Junhui had told him that they were going to have a talk with the hyungs, he had assumed that that only meant Seungcheol and Wonwoo, and even then, he was reluctant to speak to them about the previous night. He hadn’t realized that when Junhui had said ‘the hyungs’, he meant all of them. Seeing Jeonghan and Jisoo looking at him worriedly on the couch, Soonyoung with a questioning gaze, and Jihoon’s blank face made Mingyu feel small. He hadn’t been prepared to talk to all of them; he wasn’t even sure he could face Seungcheol and Wonwoo, both of whom weren’t even looking at him.
“Sit, Mingyu-yah,” Junhui said gently, breaking Mingyu out of his train of thought, guiding the boy to the love seat against the wall, “The others aren’t here, so it’s just us. Don’t worry about anyone interrupting, they know not to come back until we tell them to. It’s just us, okay? Minghao is here too. He’s here for you, Mingyu-yah, so don’t feel like you’re alone, okay?” He tried to reassure the younger boy, not wanting him to feel cornered. When Junhui had told Minghao of the plan, the younger had been against the idea, worried that Mingyu would feel caged-in if they confronted him; he hoped that the presence of his best friend would help soothe any fears he had about the situation.
At the sound of his name, Minghao reappeared in the room, smiling at Mingyu before putting a glass of water in front of him and sitting on the arm of the love seat, resting his hand on Mingyu’s back, “I’m here, Gyu. Don’t worry about anything. I’ve got you.” Minghao said plainly, eyes full of warmth and confidence. At Minghao’s reassurance, Mingyu calmed down a bit, feeling slightly more at ease with his best friend there. If there was anyone who would have his back in an argument, it would be Minghao.
‘It’s okay,’ Mingyu thought to himself, ‘Minghao is here, and so is Junnie-hyung. They won’t let this get out of hand. They won’t let anyone hurt me. It’ll be fine.’ He told himself, giving both Minghao and Junhui a small smile, before facing his hyungs.
“So,” Junhui started, realizing that he would be heading the conversation for the most part, “I know that most of you aren’t aware of why we’re doing this. I know it probably seems like it came out of no where, and that it feels unnecessary. I know that most of you don’t know what happened last night,” Junhui paused, looking at Seungcheol and Wonwoo, who both winced slightly at the mention of the previous incident, “but that’s not what’s important right now. What’s important right now, is that we know that we’re a team foremost, and a family. And as a family, we’re supposed to support and love each other, and express that in a way that is understandable to all the members in the group. While we all have different ways of expressing that, and some us aren’t as comfortable expressing it as much as others, which is all okay, we still need to make sure our gratitude and affections are being accepted by each other, or else this doesn’t work. We can’t let each other feel unloved, or left out. You guys are my family, and I know that you feel the same.” Junhui said, his last sentence coming out more like a whisper. The others were staring at him intently; even Mingyu was staring at him in awe. It was rare to see Junhui so serious, as he was usually the one joking around and keeping the mood cheerful. It was at times like this that Mingyu really realized how wise his hyung was, and how eloquently he spoke.
“That’s why, we need to talk about how Mingyu has been feeling.” Junhui stated, making Mingyu drop his eyes to the floor. At a moment’s notice, all the eyes in the room switched from looking at Junhui to Mingyu. Despite his stature, Mingyu felt tiny under the gazes of his hyungs that he admired so much. It was a bit jarring to be at the center of all of their attention; previously, this was all he had ever wanted. Yet, at that moment, Mingyu wished the ground would open and swallow him whole.
Feeling a warm hand rub his back, Minghao whispered into his ear, “Can you tell them, Gyu, or do you want me and Junnie to do it? It’s okay if you can’t, but it might be best if they hear how you’ve been feeling straight from you.” Minghao looked at him with comforting eyes, letting Mingyu know that he had an out if he couldn’t do this. That all he had to do was tell Minghao he couldn’t do this, and his friend would take over for him.
Yet, Mingyu knew that this was something he had to say in his own words, or else he wouldn’t be able to get the answers he so desperately needed.
“I-“ Mingyu started, clearing his throat, “I just- it’s been a little hard, recently. I’ve been feeling kind of bad on the inside about some stuff, and it’s just been hard for me for a while.”
“Mingyu-yah,” Junhui prompted, “Can you tell them why?”
Sucking in a deep breath, Mingyu slowly explained, “It’s just- I think I’ve been feeling kind of left out. Not like you guys aren’t talking to me, but like… I just feel like you don’t pay attention to me like the others…” He mumbled, not making eye contact with any of the others. He felt embarrassed talking about his feelings, like he was saying something he shouldn’t. He was aware that this would make them feel guilty and awkward, and he didn’t want that. Yet, Mingyu also knew that keeping it inside for any longer was going to cause problems in the future, and he couldn’t afford to be the reason Seventeen was having problems.
“What do you mean by that, Mingyu-yah?” Jisoo asked softly, trying not to startle the taller boy. For someone so big, here Mingyu was, all curled in on himself, looking so fragile and small. It hurt Jisoo’s heart to see his dongsaeng like this, and knowing that he had some part to play in the boy’s breakdown made the elder feel awful.
“It’s- um- it’s just,” Mingyu began to stutter, feeling overwhelmed with all the pressure put on him at that moment. He wondered if he could actually do this, if he could actually tell his members that they made him feel unloved. He knew it would hurt them and that it could potentially cause a rift between them. The fear of being even further from them, from being even more isolated than he was now made Mingyu tremble, afraid of what could come.
Suddenly, thin arms wrapped around Mingyu’s shaking shoulders, bringing him out of his panic. Before Mingyu could react, a gentle voice reminded him, “It’s okay, Mingyu. No one is going to be mad at you. We’re a family, remember? It’s going to be okay. We’re going to stay with you forever. I’m going to stay with you forever. It’s okay.” Minghao whispered into Mingyu’s hair, soothing the boy by rubbing his back. Mingyu closed his eyes, focusing on Minghao’s gentle touch and kind words; he knew Minghao was right. He could do this, this needed to be done and when it was over, it was going to be fine. It was going to be better.
Pulling himself away from Minghao, Mingyu gave him a thankful smile, before collecting himself and looking at all of his hyungs, who were looking at him with concern, before saying, “I always thought that maybe because I’m one of the older ones in maknae line, that that was why you didn’t really treat me the same as the others. But then I saw how kind and nurturing you were to Seokmin and Minghao, and I figured that that wasn’t the case. And then I tried to blame it on my personality, but that’s not it either, if Seungkwan and Chan are anything to go by. I thought maybe it’s cause we don’t all spend so much time together, cause we’re not in the same unit; but after last night, I know that that’s not it either.” Mingyu said, tears filling his eyes as he recalled the previous night.
At the sight of tears, Wonwoo and Seungcheol wanted to rush forward, to apologize and explain and take care of the giant puppy, but one look at Junhui’s face and they knew that they had best stay in their seats and wait for Mingyu to finish his thoughts. The two rappers sat back in their seats, taking a deep breath and opening their ears and hearts so they could properly listen to their dongsaeng’s concerns and worries that he obviously had been trying to suppress.
Sighing, Mingyu continued on, “I just- I feel like you guys don’t really like me as much as the others. And I know that sounds stupid, there’s a reason I never said anything and it’s cause I know that it’s ridiculous. I know it is. But… sometimes, I can’t help but feel left out when I see you all doting on the others and not me. And it’s not like I need to be taken care of all the time, because I don’t, but… it would be nice if sometimes, you looked after me the way you look after the rest of maknae line… I know that maybe it’s my height or personality or my attitude, or maybe it’s a combo of all three, but just cause I’m big and I know how to do stuff and I can look after myself, doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be nice if my hyungs stuck around with me and helped me when I need it. It would feel good if you guys were paying attention to me too… I don’t know if I just- I just seem unlovable or something but-“ Mingyu rambled, not sure if his thoughts were coming across clearly. He tried to continue, but a sudden voice cut through.
“Don’t say that,” Soonyoung said seriously, but not unkindly, “That’s definitely not the case, Mingyu, and I would hope that you know that but that doesn’t seem like you do. Whatever I or anyone else has done to make you feel that way, I’m so sorry. I’m so incredibly sorry, Mingyu-yah, but please don’t ever think that you’re unlovable. That’s the furthest thing from the truth, Gyu.” He finished, looking at Mingyu with such tenderness in his eyes.
“Then- then why don’t you treat me like the others? What is it about me that you don’t like?” Mingyu asked, feeling a bit distraught. The question was one that had plagued the rapper’s mind on sleepless nights, filling him with insecurity and worry.
“Mingyu,” Jeonghan said gently, making Mingyu look at him, “It’s not that e don’t like something about you, that’s not it. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, I guess I always thought you were capable. You’ve shown us time and time again that you can look after yourself and that you don’t need to be babied by anyone else. Whenever I saw you, I thought, ‘ah, there’s at least one less person I have to worry about’, because I thought you didn’t need my guidance or coddling. But that was wrong of me, Mingyu. I shouldn’t have assumed that just because you didn’t need it, that you didn’t want it. I should have known that you craved affection from us, you’ve always gotten so shy at compliments. I’m so sorry, Mingyu-yah. Hyung was wrong.” Jeonghan walked over to the younger, gently cupping his cheek and brushing away the stray tears slipping down his cheek.
Another voice suddenly continued, adding, “I was wrong too, Mingyu. I should’ve been there for you more. I’m your hyung, yet you’re always the one looking out for me,” Jihoon said, chuckling sadly as his own words, “I know that everyone’s aware that I’m not the best at expressing my emotions well, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. Especially with you, who is always taking care of me and helping me out when you don’t have to. I’m sorry if I’ve ever been cold to you while we’ve been sharing a room, I know that there’s probably been more times than I could imagine that I’ve hurt your feelings with the way I’ve acted. I’m sorry if it seems like I don’t wanna play around with you; it’s never been you, and it’s not like I prefer the other kids to you. I guess I’ve always relied on you, so I never thought about it. I’ll try better to express it, so I don’t make you feel so lonely.”
Jihoon walked over to his roommate as well, sitting on the unoccupied armrest and ruffling the rapper’s hair gently, causing the younger to let out wet chuckles. Mingyu sniffled, trying to stop himself from crying; yet, nothing could stop the wave of emotions and more importantly, relief, that was washing over him.
Jisoo and Soonyoung made their way over as well, taking their place at Mingyu’s side. They both expressed their genuine regret, Soonyoung saying, “I’m sorry if I’ve ever left you out during practice or just regular conversations. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own head, I don’t see what I’m doing to those around me. I know I might always seem focused on Chan or Seokmin, but it’s just because the two of them need me, and I feel obligated to look after them all the time. It’s not fair though, for me to ignore you or to leave you alone.” Jisoo agreed, adding,
“Me too. I know I play with Vernon and Minghao a lot, and the other members of vocal team more, but it’s never been about not wanting to spend time with you. I’ve always admired the way you hold yourself, and how you’ve never needed anyone else to help you. I know now that that was just a front you put up, and I’m sorry for not noticing. I’ll be better too, Mingyu-yah. I love you so much, you know that, right? We love you so so much.” Jisoo said, hugging Mingyu’s side.
Mingyu nodded, smiling softly at his American hyung. He knew he was loved, he could feel it all in that moment. Slowly, he looked up, meeting the gazes of the two he knew were hurting the most from his breakdown. Mingyu smiled at his two favorite hyungs, before beckoning them over. Immediately, the two rappers got up and in front of Mingyu, getting on their knees so they were eye level with the younger.
Seungcheol reached out, gently holding one of Mingyu’s hands before starting, “I know that what I did yesterday was inexcusable. It was mean, and hurtful, and incredibly wrong. I left you alone, and I hurt you in more ways than I can imagine. It was so wrong of me to do that to you, not only as the leader of the unit and the group, but as your hyung. I should have never left that room without you last night, and I am so fucking sorry that I did, Mingyu. I should’ve stayed with you and helped you finish, and then taken you to eat properly because I know you don’t when you’re stressed out. I, of all people, should’ve been looking out for you. I can’t express how sorry I am that I didn’t, and how sorry I am for being one of the root causes for your insecurities and your doubt. I’ve been not only a terrible leader, but a terrible hyung to you.”
Before Mingyu could get a word in, Wonwoo cut him off, “Of everyone here, I’ve probably known you for the longest time, and for a long time, I probably knew you best. I knew that behind your confident exterior, that you loved to be coddled and looked after, and I stupidly ignored that. I purposefully teased you, and made fun of you. I don’t know why I did that, why I didn’t just do what I knew would make you smile. I don’t know why I was being such a terrible hyung, but I do know that I’m so sorry that I did. When Jun told me how upset you were, I couldn’t believe that I was the one who did that to you. I should’ve been the one making you feel safe, after knowing how you are, and I didn’t. I’m probably the worst one out of all of us.” Wonwoo chuckled, voice full of tears.
Slowly, Mingyu reached up, catching one of the tears that had slipped from Wonwoo’s eyes, and smiled at the elder boy, before looking at both of his hyungs and saying, “I’m not mad, Seungcheol-hyung, Wonwoo-hyung. Yes, what you did yesterday really hurt my feelings, and it really sucked. It was really upsetting, and there have been times where the both of you have made my insecurities worse. But, that doesn’t change the fact that the two of you are my favorite hyungs.”
“You both have been there for me for a long, long time. And while you haven’t been so caring recently, I’ll never forget how much you both looked out for me when I had just entered the company, nervous and frightened by how I was going to do this. I was just a pretty face; I didn’t know how to sing or dance, and I was scared of not being able to keep up. But the two of you always reassured me, let me hang off of you and follow you around like your shadow. I always felt safe when I was around you guys, and I can never express how grateful I am for how kind you were to me at that time. You two were the first two people I had ever admired, and I’ll always love you both. I’m not going to say it’s okay, because it’s not, but I will say that I forgive you guys, and that I want for us to get along as well as we did back then, if that’s what you want too.” Mingyu whispered, looking at his hyungs with warm eyes and a kind smile.
The two rappers were unable to hold back their tears any longer, reaching out for the taller boy and wrapping him in their arms, whispering out apologies and promises to make the situation better. Mingyu just smiled, happy to know that his hyungs seemed to have missed him just as much as he had missed them.
Not pulling back from their embrace, Seungcheol declared, “We’ll be better than we ever were Mingyu, I promise.”
Wonwoo quickly agreed, making Mingyu giggle at their behavior. It had been a while since he had seen his hyungs act so serious, much less so serious about him. It warmed his heart to hear that his hyungs wanted this to work too, that they wanted Mingyu to be happy just as much as he wanted them to be.
Suddenly, a voice that sounded an awfully lot like Junhui’s screamed, ‘group hug!’, before someone glomped onto Mingyu’s back, prompting someone else to crash onto Mingyu’s side and the others to laugh before joining the mix. It ended with Jihoon tightly wrapping his arms around them all, reaching his hand out and squeezing onto Mingyu’s, who just smiled and squeezed back.
Minghao, who had refrained from joining in on their dog pile, just chuckled before saying, “Now don’t you guys look cozy. See, Mingyu? Didn’t I say it was going to be fine?” He smiled teasingly at his best friend, before reaching out and ruffling his hair.
All Mingyu could do was answer, “Yeah, it is fine. Thank you, Minghao, Junnie-hyung. For looking out for me.”
The two smiled at Mingyu, before bending down and planting wet kisses on his cheeks, giggling at the puppy’s yelp, before replying.
“Always, Mingyu-yah. Always.”