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English
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Published:
2019-12-10
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1,708
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1/1
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Dean and the dick of death: A survival story

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Summary:

Dean Winchester was doing a simple salt and burn. It was a milk run.
Or so it should've been.
The Winchester's should know better by now that nothing in their lives is ever simple anymore.

Notes:

This totally not crack fic story came about in the usual way, friends helping friends. It went a little something like this:
Trouble: I don’t want to sleep
Formidablepassion: Sleep is good
Sock: Do you need a bedtime story?
Trouble: Oooooooh yeyeye
Sock: Dean Winchester and how he survived the dick of death?
Me: *jumps right on that*

And so this fantastic masterpiece collaboration was brought into the earth, trembling, wiggling, and fighting.
After you read this you will appreciate my terrible humor there.

Let’s begin.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was a cold and dreary night.

Dean was in the graveyard.

Which is where he always seemed to be on cold and dreary nights.

He finished his salt and burn and thought longingly of his motel bed and the beer in the minifridge. But the graveyard had other plans for him

 

The graveyard was very horny.

And very lonely.

(Which is a terrible combination.)

And here was The Righteous Man looking righteously fine.

It's innards got excited at the mere thought.

 

Dean turned around to leave and that's when the horny lonely graveyard struck. A grave opened up in front of him and he tipped into it. The edges closed in, trapping his limbs, dirt piling over his head. It took him a moment to realise he was trapped and he used the whole moment to curse wildly, straining against the graveyard's hold.

 

His struggling only excited the graveyard more. The feel of Dean's muscles straining and pushing against it's already hard dirt only made it want him more.

It piled dirt up around his sides and sprinkled even more dirt over his face and chest, just to make him even prettier. It sent roots up through the ground to snag Dean's clothes and rip them apart, and then it couldn't help but lay even more dirt over his naked body, just to feel the way it moved against him.

"Sam!" Dean yelled. "Sam! Help! I'm being buried alive!"

The graveyard shoved some roots into his open mouth to keep it stretched open. It liked Dean yelling, but not when he was yelling for someone else. The graveyard wanted him to yell only because of it.

Now Dean was all stretched out and naked and dirty ... and the graveyard had all the time in the world to enjoy the view

But it wanted something... more…

 

It wanted to make him feel as alive and pleasurable as it did.

(Even if *alive* technically went against it's usual protocols.)

It found his happy special place and curled a soft, earthy root around it, ready to begin stroking at a moment Dean least expected it.

It waited until Dean's thrashing got less and less intense, waited an extra moment just because it could... Waited until gave up struggling and sighed, seeming like he'd decided to come up with a different plan...

And then it decided to make its own plan come on up.

Dean’s dick was very covered in dirt and tiny rocks and it hoped that wouldn't impede the process.

Dean yelled beautifully at the first careful strokes so it just... kept on stroking.

 

Eventually Dean's yelling and cries to stop melted into whines and moans of pleasure, Dean growled a frustrated "Oh fuck me" as his dick responded and his hips circled minutely, stroked no matter which way he moved.

 

This gave the graveyard another idea

 

Calling up another root, a thick one from deep below, the graveyard made it weep a viscous, wet sap, oozing down it’s smooth surface just like the come dripping from Dean's dick and moistening it's soil.

The graveyard maneuvered the root easily through the packed dirt and used it to caress the tiny bits of rock and sandy dirt over Dean's ass.

Slowly it moved closer and began prodding at the man's clenched cheeks. Meeting resistance, it let up on pressure but didn’t move away. After all it was a graveyard, it could wait as long as it took for Dean to relax into the pleasures it wished to give him.

 

Dean was buried so far under dirt that he looked a little like one of the many other bodies that decorated the underground.

You want my dick of death, the graveyard cooed at him, rubbing his cock, his tongue, his chest, his ass.

 

He didn't, but at the same time, he really really did

And the graveyard knew it, and he knew it, and soon the earth would shake with their coupling.

Literally, it was a graveyard, it could do that.

 

The graveyard took its dick of death and pressed gently between Dean's ass as other roots pulled Dean's legs open. It pressed against Dean's prostate from the outside.

It could feel Dean's self-loathing practically melting into the dirt particles as he pressed his ass against its thick root. The sap smears all over Dean's dirt streaked flesh pulsing as the dirt and sap grew sticky and started to dry. The tombstones above shifted as the graveyard trembled from possessive want for The Righteous Man.

Dean's desire was nearly overwhelming, the sweet sweat of it slowly, almost unnoticeably, leaving Dean's body dewy like the trees during a thick fog. The graveyard pressed its root inside Dean as it tightened the dirt around Dean's throat just enough to leave him lightheaded and turn his sweet desire tangy with fear as it seeped into the soil and the graveyard could drink it up.

Sliding its roots in and out over Dean's lips, wet and gritty with the saliva and dirt on Dean's tongue, it continued to stroke Dean's throbbing dick as it pressed deeper into his hole, the thick sap making the slide easier and soaking Dean in its essence.

 

Graveyard orgasms aren't like human orgasms. Like everything at a graveyard, they're slow, and methodical, and inevitable.

So when Dean came with his mouth stuffed almost as full as his ass, he relaxed for only a minute before he realised that...... The pleasure wasn't stopping.

Dirt and dust mixed with the little puddle on his chest, but the things in his ass kept going.

He couldn't help it, he got hard.

"Figures a graveyard would have a bone-r kink," he gasped around the roots between his molars.

The graveyard sunk itself so deep into Dean's body that he almost became a permanent visitor.

To the graveyard, its coupling felt like it only took twenty minutes. But in human time that equated to hours and hours.

To a graveyard time passes like death, quick and unknowable, but to humans, a mere moment to the graveyard could be literal years.

The little puddle on dean's chest grew into an even bigger puddle, then an even bigger puddle, then it started dripping down his sides in little rivers that hardened as soon as they mixed with the grave dirt., so he was encased in a sarcophagus of his own pleasure.

When the graveyard finally climaxed it felt only a few seconds of pleasure, but to Dean it was long hours of being pumped full of root and sap and dirt.

He groaned in his little personalised grave, but the graveyard had him now, and he was forced to endure the dick of death for as long as the graveyard wished.

 

 

"The GPS says he should be right here..." The graveyard felt the footsteps on it’s surface, it also knew that Dean could hear the muffled sounds of his brother Sam.

It was time to let Dean go, it had has its pleasure with him, and Dean would not soon forget.

The entire graveyard trembled and quaked as it lifted the Righteous Man from his dirt prison, covered in a mixture of sap, dirt, and come, tacky on his skin as he plopped out of the earth at Sam’s feet.

It’s over . Dean thought.

Only to find out later he would have graveyard saplings wiggling inside him for more forced orgasms as they make their way out of him slowly.

Sam was driving the Impala home and Dean was screaming in the backseat, coming AGAIN.

Sam was both concerned, disgusted, and very turned on to see his brother arch his back and his cock spurt all over his chest as a tiny vine wrapped around his dick and stroked, coming out of his dick from the inside, filling his testicles as it explored his body.

What if they didn't want to come out? They found his body so welcoming and the way they can him tremble and shudder as they move inside him is delightful.

They find the only way to drive them out is to spit roast him on Sam's demon blood tainted come and Cas grace infused come.

Spitroasting him as they pump Dean full of their come, Cas using his power to recover himself and Sam over and over until Dean is screaming from yet more over stimulation.

His ball sack fills out and grows larger and larger as the tiny saplings gather in there.

Eventually they need a way out, the only way would be through Dean's dick.

So as he's being slam-fucked and choked from both ends Sam and Cas watch as Dean’s come now mixes with an odd sticky sap, then the little vines start to push through.

Dean trembles and cries, snot, tears, and saliva running down his chin, cheeks, and neck, as another orgasm is forced from him shooting little vines in sprays across his trembling stomach.

They wiggle and flop, half inside Dean and half slimy in his come.

They have to force Dean to come again.

No need to rush it though.

They watch curiously as they lazily fuck into Dean, see his stomach muscles contract in waves at the way the vines tickle as they wiggle.

Cas and Sam get lost in it. Eventually they watch as the vines reach out for their heat. Slowly wrapping around both Sam and Cas' cocks, adding a delicious squeeze as they fuck Dean

Soon it becomes too much and they have to come again, deep inside Dean. They come with vines pulling at all three of their dicks. Finally the saplings are spraying out of Dean's dick again, the last of them curling up on Dean's chest and wiggling in the hot come dripping from his mouth and his dick.

 

They plant them in little self contained thingies (You know the... the succulent holding thingies where the moisture keeps them alive?) with graveyard dirt from the cemetery and put them on the shelves in the library. Every now and then Cas likes to point out how good Dean looked with them forcing their way out of his dick

Dean scowls but whispers hello and goodnight to them every day anyway

Everyone is sated, including the plants, the End xD

Notes:

This absolutely slips in and out of tenses, there was very little changed in the process of transcribing it to ao3, there was one piece added but it wasn't much.
We will never tell you who wrote which part either.
Hope you enjoyed!