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Chapter Text

It was the middle of January in New York. The temperatures had been below freezing for the better part of the month so far. Snow had been common, but light. However, the rest of the month was predicted to have heavy snowfall and even lower temperatures.

Leo’s month so far had been starkly different. Rather than the calm weather so far, his year started off with a New Year’s spent patrolling the city. His brothers spent the night celebrating with Casey and April. He’d also been welcome, but this was a tradition of his and the others respected it. Between the drunk drivers, bar fights, and back alley deals, his hands were always full. He couldn’t imagine what the NYPD was dealing with in addition to what he saw.

As the black of night began to lighten, Leo took inventory of his injuries. He had possibly twisted both ankles, making every landing hurt more each time. He’d taken a broken bottle to the forehead and had to keep blinking the slow drops of blood out of his eye. Some mugger had taken a few shots at him and a bullet had grazed his plastron. As tough as that part of his body was, the bullet had been fired from close range and his chest was sluggishly bleeding.

Usually, he kept going until the sun had broken the horizon, but the city was finally starting to wake up; the sounds of sirens were being replaced by the sounds of alarms, cars starting, and people beginning their morning routines. He’d done enough for the night; the city would keep moving.

Making his way toward the lair by rooftop, he was suddenly hit with a wave of exhaustion. The winter chill was starting to really settle into his bones, dragging him down. He paused for a moment, catching his breath. With the adrenaline fading, the chill and pain of the night was catching up to him. He shook his head free of the cobwebs and kept running. He could be warm at the lair. There, he could rest.

Once Leo reached the lair, he paused to listen. He could barely hear footsteps in the direction of Master Splinter’s bedroom, but nothing else. His brothers would still be at April’s, probably recovering from their antics for several hours more. He made it to his room, quickly showering and trying to clean up his wounds. None were severe, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of pure fatigue that hung over him like a storm cloud.

He finally collapsed into his bed, practically asleep before he pulled the covers over himself.

The next week only got busier. With the holiday season dying down, New York was as busy as ever, full of travelers having a look around or trying to make their way home. Crime hadn’t taken a break, but there were few world-ending plots to stop. For the time, the Foot seemed to be sticking to petty crime. Suspicious, Leo pushed his brothers hard but pushed himself even harder. He’d been having trouble sleeping, kept up by the weight of responsibility he felt for the city. When he really couldn’t sleep, he’d train as quietly as he could, sometimes until morning. Eventually, his late, hard nights started to catch up to him.

It hadn’t been an unusual night by any means; the four ninjas patrolled the city in their typical manner: running and enjoying the adrenaline rush from every leap, punch, and victory.

“Come on, Mikey, that all you got?”

“Raph, I’ve knocked out just as many bad guys as you have! See?” With a grunt, Mikey tossed the Foot soldier he was fighting at the one Raph was up against, taking them both out. Raph grinned, “That’s more like it.”

“Come on guys, this is not the time to be messing around,” Leo called between swinging his katana between two Foot soldiers. With a grunt, he disarmed the one on his right, then used his momentum to shove them into each other. They stumbled away, dizzy, before retreating with the rest of the Foot.

Leo sheathed his katana, panting. Turning around, he saw Mikey laughing at Don, who had a face full of snow. Before he could say a word, something hit him in the back of the head. Whipping around, he pulled his katana back out, only to drop his stance at the sight of Raph laughing his ass off. Leo wiped the snow from his head and sighed. On one hand, they needed to focus. However, the Foot were gone. A little snowball fight wouldn’t hurt morale.

Within minutes, the brothers were facing off in the alley, ducking behind dumpsters and garbage for cover. Laughing and cursing at each other, the battle was fierce but fun. Eventually, they took their fight up to the rooftops. Leo leaned out from the small snowdrift he was hiding behind, suddenly feeling his world turn sideways. Before he knew it, he was laying on his side in the snow, suddenly feeling weak and exhausted.

“Leo? Hey, where’d you go?” Dimly, Leo could hear Mikey’s voice coming from somewhere in front of him. He tried to push himself up to his hands and knees, but his shoulders wouldn’t stop shaking. He fell face first into the snow, trying again to get up but with no success. The cold bit into every part of his body, sucking the warmth from his core. Suddenly, strong arms were latching onto him, lifting him from the snow and sitting him upright in someone’s lap. He leaned back against that person’s plastron, too tired to hide it.

“Leo? Can you hear me? It’s your brother, Donnie. I need you to open your eyes, okay?” Leo hadn’t even realized his eyes had shut. Opening them, he winced at the bright light Don was shining at him. With a groan, he shifted, trying to get away from the light. “Don. What happened?” Leo breathed.

“You tell us, bro. One second, we’re having a snowball fight. The next, you’re face down in the snow,” Mikey explained. His big blue eyes were full of concern for his oldest brother. He and Don were crouched down in front of Leo.

“Did you hit your head at all tonight?” Don asked. He’d finally put the dreaded light away but was now focusing on the rest of Leo’s body, checking for any signs of a hidden injury.

Leo slowly shook his head. “I just got a little dizzy is all. Probably the cold or something.”

“Well, you don’t see any of the rest of us passin’ out, now do ya?” Raph’s voice rumbled from Leo’s shell. His concern shone just barely through the veil of annoyance in his voice.

“I didn’t-look. I’ve just been busy lately. Probably forgot to eat or something,” Leo muttered defensively, already trying to get back to his feet.

Donnie gave him a suspicious look. “Well, we’ll just have to make sure to keep an eye on you and make sure you’re eating something for the next couple of days or so,” he said, not buying Leo’s excuse for a moment but helping him to his feet from his position in Raph’s lap.

After that, the turtles called it a night. Don wanted to get a blood sample from Leo, but he insisted he just needed some rest. The younger brothers watched Leo go to his room, realizing just how rare it was for them to see him off to bed. He was often the first to rise and one of the last to go to sleep, if you didn’t count Don’s off and on nights of experimenting. To try to shake off the unusual atmosphere, they grabbed some pizza and sat around the television together.

“You sure he’s okay?” Mikey asked Don with a mouthful of pizza as they sat watching an old movie without really paying attention to any of it.

Don shook his head. “I don’t know. Probably just overworked himself. I haven’t seen him outside the dojo much lately to be quite honest. I didn’t put it together earlier, but he’s been really focused on what the Foot or the Purple Dragons might do next and I can’t say I blame him. It’s not like them to lay low like this for so long. There must be something else going on.”

Raph growled, twirling his sai. “If ya ask me, he’s gettin’ all worked up over nothin’. So what, they’re takin’ a break from tryin’ to take over the city. Not really somethin’ to be complainin’ about in my book. Still enough skulls to crack.”

With that, the brothers fell silent, keeping their thoughts to themselves and hoping that Raphael was right.

Leo had gone into his bedroom but didn’t get ready to sleep. He paced the length of the room, trapped in his head. We were unaware, all because of me. Anything could’ve happened if our enemies had spotted us during that moment. The Foot, the Purple Dragons, some lucky punk. We can’t afford moments like that.

Even when he sat on the edge of his bed, his mind kept racing through scenarios. Eventually, he needed an outlet for his anxiety and went to his usual spot: the dojo. His usual routine meant he crept to the dojo as quietly as possible so as not to wake any of his siblings, but mostly to keep Master Splinter unaware. He knew that if Splinter busted him, he’d have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.

Using all his ninja training, he managed to creep through the lair from the bedrooms to the dojo without his brothers or Master Splinter noticing. Once he reached the dojo, he breathed a sigh of relief, finding it empty. He decided to start with meditation, hoping that would calm his mind.

Within a few minutes, his focus switched from inner peace to the plans of the Foot. He couldn’t stand waiting around for the Shredder to decide to do something. He was terrified that one of these days, something was going to happen, and they wouldn’t be prepared for it. He’d been having nightmares of his brothers and sensei dying at the hands of the Shredder for days.

Suddenly, he seemed to lose control of his meditation. He was on his knees before the Shredder with the bodies of his brothers around him. They began to rise as the Shredder motioned, somehow having control over their dead bodies. Like zombies, they came for Leo, burying him deep in the ground. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t get out, and he couldn’t bring himself to hurt his brothers. He struggled, hot tears running down his face, as his vision got darker and darker.

“Leo? Leo!”

His eyes snapped open to the sight of his brothers crouched around him. He realized he was on his hands and knees and couldn’t seem to catch his breath. His heart was racing so fast that it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. His hands went to his throat, then his chest, trying to find what was keeping him from getting enough air.

Mikey grasped Leo’s arms, taking them away from his throat and chest and bringing him into a sitting position instead. Seeing that Leo was still shaking, Raph moved to his side, one arm around his back and the other on his shoulder to support him. Don was immediately in “Doctor Don Mode” as Mikey liked to say, checking Leo’s vitals as the other two tried to keep him still and get his attention.

“His pulse is too fast, why is he breathing like this? Leo? Leo, come back to us.” Donnie was desperately trying to find the source of his brother’s ailment but there was seemingly nothing amiss other than his racing vitals.

Mikey grabbed onto both of Leo’s hands suddenly, getting the other two turtles’ attention. With an unusually serious look on his face, he looked Leo in the eyes. “Leo, we’re right here, bro. You’re safe, everything’s okay. You just need to focus.” He kept talking, mostly variations of the same few sentences, as Don and Raph looked on in confusion.

Suddenly, the lightbulb went off in Don’s head. “Shit, is he really-hey, Leo, you’ve got this. You’re okay, we’re all okay. Just come back to us, please,” Don pleaded. He placed his hands gently on Leo’s thighs, hoping the physical contact would help bring him back.

Raph was still completely in the dark, but just followed what his brothers were doing, muttering nonsense and trying to provide some physical sensation. As Raph anxiously squeezed Leo’s shoulders, Leo seemed to reach a point of exhaustion. His struggling calmed down and his breathing slowed to normal as he leaned back against Raph. The turtles realized he’d passed out. Whatever had just happened was over.

Mikey sighed, leaning back on his hands and staring up at the ceiling for a long moment. Don was just staring in shock at their now-sleeping brother. Raph broke the silence.

“So, what the hell just happened? And how’d you two know how to fix him?” Raph had one of Leo’s hand in his own, watching the steady, if a little shaky, rise and fall of his chest as he slowly lowered him into a comfortable position on the ground.

Mikey looked back down at Leo and sighed again. “I didn’t think that would ever happen again,” he whispered, seemingly to himself. Looking up at Raph, he explained, “Leo had panic attacks when we were kids. They started before Splinter made him in charge of us. Older brother instincts, I guess. Anytime one of us or Master Splinter was away for too long, Leo got worried. On the worst of those occasions, stuff like that happened. Full blown panic attack. I ended up being pretty good at calming him down and Don was around for some of them, too. But Raph, you were usually the one gone and causing him to freak out. You really had a habit of getting yourself into trouble and it stressed the hell outta Leo. He hadn’t had one in years though, as far as I knew.”

Don added, “I thought the same. The last episode I can remember was when we were probably 13 or 14. But they certainly haven’t gotten any easier, for him or us.”

Raph felt like he’d been punched in the gut. The new knowledge that his brother had worried hard enough about him to have panic attacks was a lot to take in. His head was spinning, not processing any of it.

“I’m gonna go get some air,” he said gruffly. Contrasting his tone, he gently let Leo’s hand rest on the ground and left the lair. Mike and Don didn’t try to stop him, knowing he was probably headed topside. He needed to deal with this in his own way. Maybe he’d talk it out with Casey while he was up there. Either way, he needed to deal with all these new feelings somehow.

While Raph took a breather, Don and Mikey moved Leo from the floor to the couch and started another old movie, keeping the volume low. Neither of them really watched it. Most of their focus was on Leo, who still hadn’t woken up or stopped shaking entirely. His chest still shuddered every once in a while when he took a deep breath and Don couldn’t help but keep a vigilant eye on his breathing.

Within an hour or so, both turtles had fallen asleep, Leo laying in between them on the couch. Leo’s head was in Donatello’s lap while Mikey’s shell was gently leaning against his legs. They laid like that all night, leaving them a sight to be seen by their sensei in the morning. At their age, it was rare to see them so close together and so peaceful. Splinter smiled at the sight, choosing to leave them sleep however long they needed.

Meanwhile, Raph had gone straight to Casey once he got topside. At the apartment, he explained everything that had happened to both Casey and April. It wasn’t usually his style to discuss things, especially his emotions, but he felt this need to get his feelings off his chest and his brothers wouldn’t understand like Casey would.

“I was the reason he got all worked up like that when we was little. And they didn’t even tell me till this shit happened. How am I s’posed to respond to that?” Raph was pacing their living room floor, anxiously fiddling with the sai in his belt.

“Well Raph, that’s definitely a lot to take in at once,” April started cautiously. “But I don’t think pacing’s going to help you process it.”

Casey agreed with a shake of his head, “Yeah, she’s got a point Raph. But damn, that’s crazy. Nothin’ in years and then that? Never woulda thought Leo’d have anxiety issues. Always seems to have everything so in control all the time.”

Raph stopped pacing, finally collapsing onto the couch with a groan of frustration.

April walked over and sat next to him, with Casey sitting on his opposite side.

“Actually, that part kind of makes sense to me,” April said, both to Casey’s previous statement and to Raph in general. “Leo doesn’t just have everything in control. He needs it that way. That’s why you two butt heads so often, Raph. He likes order and structure, but you prefer going into things and coming up with a plan as you go. Neither of you are wrong; you just have different personality types.”

Absorbing that information, Raph closed his eyes for a moment. He knew April was right, but he still didn’t want to accept that his personality and decisions could make his brother suffer so much. Seeing this, April softly added, “Raph, I don’t think you’ve caused him to have anxiety. That’s been a part of Leo since you guys were kids. It just affects him the most when you make impulsive decisions. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you. If anything, that shows just how much he cares. He can’t bear to see any of you guys in trouble.”

Raph breathed out slowly, opening his eyes. Casey was looking at him with a gentle smile and an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “She’s gotta point buddy. Leo’s your big brother. He has that gut instinct to keep you all safe all the time. No wonder he’s got anxiety. You guys attract trouble like cheese attracts mice!” He chuckled, seeing Raph finally sigh in defeat and give a small smile.

“You guys are right. That’s just Leo bein’ Leo. But I-I think I’m gonna try to cut him some slack after this. Try to do things his way every once in a while. Maybe that’ll keep that from happening again,” Raph trailed off, clearly shaken up by seeing his big brother so scared and helpless.

“Heya Raph, you think the guys would mind us droppin’ by in the mornin’? You might as well crash here for the night and we can all head that way tomorrow,” Casey suggested with a yawn. April copied the gesture on Raph’s other side.

Raph looked out the window. Holy shit, when did it get that dark? Looking at the clock on the wall, he saw that it was nearly midnight. His adrenaline had been keeping him going but seeing how late it was and how tired his friends were, he realized just how tired he was. The three of them agreed to the plan and went to sleep soon after.

Chapter Text

The next morning at the lair, Splinter was the first one up and moving. That wasn’t unusual in most cases, but time continued to pass until it was nearly nine o’clock and Casey, Raph, and April’s voices could be heard outside the doors.

Leo, ever the light sleeper, woke up to the sound and it only took him a second to place the disturbance at the doors. In a panic, he reached for his katana only to realize they were gone, and he had no idea where they were. His heart skipped a beat, maybe two, as he tried to decide what to do.

Come on, Leo, you’re not a kid anymore. You’re in control here. Just need a plan. Don’t worry about the stupid swords. Just think. Think. Leo closed his eyes and tried to focus, but then there was another sound, this time much closer.

“Leo?” It was Raph, a cautious look on his face as he stopped walking towards his brothers. Leo was huddled into himself on the couch between the sleeping bodies of the other two turtles. Able to see that Leo wasn’t quite himself, Raph motioned for April and Casey to stay put and slowly walked forward. Leo was still curled in on himself, oblivious to the outside world.

Raph slowly and gently placed his hand on Leo’s shoulder. Unsurprisingly, Leo jumped at the contact, but looking up to see Raph caused him to practically melt with relief. Shocking Raphael, Leo grabbed his hand with both of his own and let out a long breath. “I thought you-you were someone else. Didn’t have my katana. Sorry.” Leo bowed his head as if expecting a punishment.

Casey and April, having decided it was safe to come out from behind Raph, approached the turtles. At this point, Donnie and Mikey were starting to stir. Raph did something out of the ordinary for him: he hugged his brother. He hugged him harder than he had since they were kids and didn’t relax his grip until he felt Leo relax against him for several breaths.

“Aww, that’s so cute you guys.” Mikey’s groggy voice interrupted the peaceful moment. Raph rolled his eyes at Mikey while leaning back from Leo. “You good, bro?” He asked, checking Leo over for any signs of an oncoming attack. Leo just nodded, focusing on breathing normally and getting back to the present moment. He was painfully embarrassed by the entire situation but felt helpless to do anything about it. Raph just gave Leo a nod and a pat on the shoulder before getting up and rejoining April and Casey.

Don stretched, wincing at the pains due to his awkward sleeping position. “Casey, April. Nice of you guys to come by. Raph’s idea?”

“Nah, it was their idea actually,” Raph said, pointing at the couple. April moved closer to check out Leo. “We figured we could come lend a hand with it being so cold out this week. We’re supposed to get a few inches of snow this weekend,” she lied smoothly. That gave them a decent excuse to drop by for several more days, keeping an eye on Leo and helping the others with anything they needed. Whether Leo knew it or not, he was going to be kept on a close watch for some time.

Casey nodded, knowing if he said anything, it might contradict what April had said. It was usually safer for him not to say anything at all when dealing with any delicate topics, especially when one of the turtles’ egos is involved.

Leo got up from the couch cautiously, still feeling exhausted from the night before. Even with his minor episode minutes ago, he felt the need to train, get back to his routine. Knowing someone would follow him, he headed to the dojo in a relatively good mood, all things considered. He could hear someone’s light footsteps behind him and internally sighed. He couldn’t really blame his brothers for their concern, but it was irritating all the same.

Back in the living room, Don had followed Leo out of the room, leaving the remaining four to speak freely. Mikey updated Casey and April on the details of Leo’s past troubles while Raph started pacing. Pointed looks from Casey and April put that to a sharp end, but he needed to do something with his pent-up energy.

“I’m gonna go to the dojo. Maybe Leo’s feelin’ up to sparrin’ today. Whether he comes with us for patrol or not, can’t let Fearless Leader fall behind the rest of us,” Raph said with a smirk. As Raph left, Mikey, April, and Casey decided to head to the kitchen to keep talking and brainstorming ideas on what could help Leo without being too obvious. They also needed to talk to Splinter, considering he was still unaware of the night’s events.

Raph entered the dojo to see Leo meditating. More accurately, he was working on breathing techniques. I bet he started doin’ that when these attacks first started. Maybe that’s why he’s always been so keen on meditation, Raph thought. He saw that Don was nearby, cleaning and reorganizing a handful of shuriken on their weapon rack. He walked over to his brother, asking in a low voice, “You don’t plan on lettin’ him actually train, do you?”

“Of course not,” Don answered, not turning from what he was doing to answer. “If he thinks he’s so much as going to the bathroom without someone nearby, he’s wrong. Between both his episodes yesterday, he’s definitely gonna be on a watch for the next couple of days.” Finally turning and looking at Raph, he continued, “Don’t mention this to the others yet, but Leo seemed kinda warm last night. I think he might be coming down with something, but he definitely wouldn’t let me check him out right now. Just keep an eye on him.”

Raph nodded, looking to the brother in question. Leo had gotten up and was practicing with his katana. Raph could see that Leo was off. His balance had moments of doubt and his movements were slower than usual. Don had a point; maybe he was sick. Leo stopped, dropping to one knee while his katana clattered to the ground. Frowning, Raph approached him. “Leo?”

“Dizzy,” Leo breathed, one hand and one knee on the ground. His other arm held his head as he shut his eyes and tried to ground himself. Don and Raph were by his side before he noticed them move. Don instructed him to take deep breaths and it seemed to help until something caught in his throat and he started coughing. The coughing fit wasn’t long, but it took a toll on Leo’s energy and his eyelids were drooping by the end of it.

Raph looked to Don with wide eyes, listening to Leo’s ragged breathing and feeling his own heart race. Don met his eyes with a similar expression, then quickly moved to check Leo’s vitals.

“Heart’s racing, but his pulse isn’t as strong as it should be,” Don muttered to himself. “Leo, you still with us?” Leo nodded, head hanging down as he caught his breath. The feeling of being lightheaded was starting to feel a little too familiar. He tried to stand, and his brothers cautiously supported him on the way up. Still breathing hard, he motioned to the living room. His brothers helped him walk there and carefully laid him on the couch.

Raph, still scared out of his mind, sat on the arm of the couch by Leo’s head, looking over at him every few seconds while Don got some tools from his lab to look over Leo. He realized that his brother had never looked so tired. He looked like he hadn’t slept properly in days, and Raph realized, maybe that was true. Mentally cursing himself, he put a hand on Leo’s forehead, pulling it away in shock.

“Shit, Leo. How’d that happen?” He whispered to himself. Leo, barely conscious, responded by coughing weakly and reaching out for something. “Leo, I’ll get you water in a minute. We’re not leavin’ you alone for a second like this,” Raph said apologetically. He felt bad for not getting what Leo wanted, but he couldn’t bear to think of all the things that could happen before he got back. Leo let his hand fall back to his side in acceptance as his eyelids slid shut.

Just as Donatello returned with supplies, Mikey, April, Casey, and Splinter were all walking out of the kitchen towards them. Seeing Don with equipment from his lab, they all rushed over, instantly worried. Raph left his perch on the couch to intercept them and explain what had happened while Don checked Leo over. Once Raph was done answering their questions, they all went to the couch and surrounded Leo, trying to leave enough room for Don to do his thing, but also needing to be close.

Raph left to the kitchen to get Leo’s water like he’d asked for. He was so much more concerned than he’d been the night before. It’s not enough that Leo’s panic attacks have come back; he’s sick too. Raph felt like it was their fault for not making Leo take better care of himself, but he also knew that Leo wasn’t a child. He pushed himself too hard, and these are the consequences he has to deal with. His brothers would just make sure to take of him until they could yell at him for being so stupid and getting himself sick.

Heading back to the living room with a glass of water, Raph felt his anxiety rise as he saw the amount of movement going on before him. Mikey was heading towards Leo with a damp washcloth while April was leaving the room with Don in the direction of his lab. Casey and Splinter were the only ones relatively still, setting up blankets and pillows for Leo.

Raph set the glass near the TV and sat on the arm of a nearby couch while he waited for Casey and Splinter to finish adjusting Leo’s position. Leo hated being taken care of like he was a child, so the fact that he wasn’t fighting it wasn’t a good sign.

“How bad’s his fever?” Raph asked quietly.

“Donnie said a lot o’ mumbo-jumbo and I didn’t catch a number, but he seemed pretty worried,” Casey responded, joining Raph. They both watched Splinter try to comfort Leo with the washcloth Michealangelo had brought. Mikey joined them, bouncing one foot on the floor with nervous energy.

“He hasn’t complained. Not a single word,” Mikey whispered. “That’s not like him at all.”

“I know, bro. I felt his forehead; it wasn’t good. I don’t know if he’s even feelin’ it, the way he’s actin’,” Raph responded in a low tone.

Don and April reemerged with several bottles of pills and a syringe. Mikey, not fond of needles, immediately backed away from the scene, making some half-assed excuse and going to the kitchen in a rush. Raph rolled his eyes as he approached Don. “Need any help?”

“You still have that glass of water?” Don replied, collecting a variety of pills in his palm. Raph grabbed the glass from where he had left it, handing it to Don.

“Sensei, do you think you could get Leo to take these? They should help bring down his fever,” Don said, passing the pills and water to Splinter. Their father nodded and started to prod Leo awake. The others watched as Leo’s eyes blinked open slowly with a low groan.

“Leonardo, you must take this to bring down your fever. Then, you may rest again,” Splinter murmured softly. Don and April helped Leo sit up as he groggily accepted the pills and water. Don and April moved to lay him back down, but Leo resisted.

“Guys, I’m okay. It’s jus’ a fever,” Leo slurred. His eyes weren’t quite focused and he shivered, having lost the warmth from laying down under his blanket. “Who turned on the A/C? Too cold, ‘s winter,” he muttered. Despite his obvious discomfort without the blanket, he started to try to get up.

Raph and Mikey were there to push Leo back down gently, but with enough force to lay him down in a couple seconds. Leo responded by coughing lightly and giving up, burrowing back into the blankets and pillows around him. He let out a sigh, cut off by another coughing fit.

Nearby hands tried to push him upright again, but he waved them off. He wasn’t entirely coherent due to the fever, but his stubbornness hadn’t gone anywhere. If anything, it seemed amplified in his dazed state. Once the fit passed, Leo gratefully accepted the glass of water, but said nothing.

Don decided now was as good a time as any. “Leo, I need to get a blood sample so I can see what’s going on with you,” he said cautiously. Leo’s eyes widened and he seemed to try to hide within his shell, curling up under the blanket like a child. Don sighed, “Well. Figured it was gonna go this way. Raph, Casey, please hold his legs. Mikey, April, get his arms. Sensei, if you could help me keep his arm steady, that’d be great.”

“Donnie, don’t, please,” Leo whispered. The others, who had been on their way to follow Doctor Don’s orders, froze and looked back to Don. Donatello sighed, “Leo, I need to. We need to be sure there’s nothing serious going on with you, especially with your track record.”

Leo huffed in defeat while Casey and April looked at the others, lost.

“Track record? Leo’s got a history of gettin’ this sick?” Casey asked the group.

Splinter sighed. “Yes. Ever since they were children, Leonardo has had a habit of getting sicker than the rest of his brothers. The cold temperatures seem to affect him more than they do the others. However, it has not been this extreme in quite some time. I thought he had perhaps grown out of it.”

Don shook his head. “Guess not. Okay Leo, are we gonna do this the easy way, or the hard way?”

Don and Leo locked eyes. Donatello didn’t see the strong, stubborn eyes of his leader, but the scared, cautious eyes of a child. The fever was making him act like his younger self, which certainly wasn’t making things any easier. He’d never been a good patient.

Making his decision, Leo swallowed hard. Within seconds, he had thrown the blankets off at his would-be attackers and used the distraction to sprint away. Instead of speeding off to his room like he’d planned, he’d barely made it out of the living room area when another coughing fit stopped him in his tracks. That combined with his intense fear, he found himself gasping for air.

“Shit! He’s having another panic attack!”

“Someone get him upright!”

“April, bring the oxygen out! Mikey, move!”

Leo was on his hands and knees, vision getting spotty and heart racing. Voices rang out around him and hands were touching him, moving him, and something pinched in his arm. The last thing he saw before he blacked out was the blurred green forms of his brothers surrounding him.

Chapter Text

When Leo woke up, there was something plastic and hard on his face and he immediately tried to remove it.

“Hey, easy bro. That’s there to help you,” Mikey murmured reassuringly from somewhere to Leo’s side, just out of his sight. He felt his youngest brother’s hands gently take his and just hold them, providing a silent comfort.

Mikey watched Leo’s eyes slide shut in either relief or exhaustion. He hoped he wasn’t passing out again on them already. Thankfully, Leo blinked his eyes open again, finally catching sight of his brother. Frowning, he could tell that something was off with his brother.

“Mikey,” Leo started, but found his voice hoarse and his throat screaming in protest. Instinctually, one of his hands tried to leave Mikey’s grip to reach for his throat, but Mikey didn’t let go until someone else put a glass of water in Leo’s now-empty hand.

“Drink that,” a voice said gruffly. Raph. Raph and Mikey are here. Just knowing his brothers were there with him made him feel more stable. Raph got up from his position on a sleeping bag and Mikey remained in the chair he must’ve been sleeping in. Leo removed the mask on his face while Raph helped him sit up and Mikey kept ahold of his free hand.

“Thanks,” Leo whispered as he laid back down. His voice seemed to be gone for the time being and breathing was sucking away his energy, but at least now his throat didn’t feel like it was on fire every time he swallowed. “Mikey, what’s wrong?”

His brother smiled in a fond, yet sad way. “Just glad you’re okay, bro.” That answer, of course, only made Leo more concerned. Trying to turn and look around more, Leo continued, “What do you mean? Where’s Donnie? And Father? And-“

“Relax Leo,” Raph said, putting an arm on Leo’s shoulder. “They’re all good, just getting some rest. You decided to finally wake up in the middle of the night, after all.”

“Finally?” Leo rasped. “How long-?” He was cut off by a rough cough that seemed to bring up whatever shit his lungs were clogged up with. Mikey offered a trash can for Leo to spit into when he had caught his breath.

As Leo groaned and laid back against the couch, Raph explained, “You passed out two days ago, early afternoon. Stopped breathin’ for a couple minutes and scared the shit out of us.” Raph wasn’t looking at Leo; just staring at the floor as he continued. “Don brought you back, but you weren’t very… responsive is the word he used, I think. We’ve been taking shifts watchin’ you to see when you were gonna wake up. Yesterday… was a long day,” Raph trailed off.

Mikey seemed too unstable to talk about the situation, so Leo made a mental note to ask about the situation later but dropped it for now.

“Well, I should get Don. He’d be pissed if we didn’t tell ‘im you woke up, no matter how late,” Raph said, stretching. He gave Leo a gentle pat on the shell before heading to Don’s bedroom.

Leo started coughing again and his youngest brother was there to support him. This one wasn’t particularly painful, but it lasted longer than usual and gave Leo few chances to catch his breath. As he laid back down, his eyes closed in exhaustion. Despite his hours of sleep, he still felt impossibly drained.

Beyond his closed eyelids, he could hear footsteps just above the sound of his own strained breathing. Forcing his eyes open, he was met with green and purple blurs. Don wasn’t asking any questions yet, just checking his vitals and speaking lowly with Mikey and Raph. Leo wanted to get involved in the conversation that was certainly about him, but he didn’t have the energy. Within moments, he was asleep once again.

The next time Leo woke up, he found Master Splinter by his side. His sensei turned towards him with a soft smile on his face. “Hello, my son. How are you feeling?” Splinter offered Leo a cup of warm tea, which was gratefully accepted.

“Exhausted,” Leo whispered after taking a sip of the tea. It was a little cooler than he usually drank it, but it soothed the pain in his throat. Handing the cup back to Splinter, he shut his eyes for a moment. He felt tired in his bones and throughout his core. It was a dragging weariness trying to pull him back under. He would’ve fallen asleep again if it hadn’t been for Donatello suddenly appearing by his side.

“How’re you doing, Leo? I’m gonna check your temperature again if that’s okay,” Don said, latex gloves on and thermometer in hand.

“’m tired,” Leo murmured. When Don put the thermometer up to Leo’s mouth, he obediently opened up and let Don do whatever he needed as his eyelids drifted shut again.

“Your temperature’s still rising,” Don said with a frown. “And you said you’re tired?”

“I haven’t been this tired in my life until now,” Leo sighed. All he wanted was to curl back up in his nest of pillows and blankets and sleep until his body had recovered, but Don wasn’t allowing it.

“If you’re this tired, usually that means your body is using most of its energy to fight whatever sickness or infection you have, so your temperature should be going down, not continuing to increase.” Don took another reading, only to get the same results. “I didn’t see anything unusual in your blood. Have you been eating and sleeping regularly? Did these panic attacks start up before this week? And is there anything you haven’t been telling us?”

The last question took Leo by surprise. Sometimes he forgot how perceptive Don could be. Clearly, he’d put together the pieces and figured out that something unusual was going on behind their backs. Leo was kind of proud of his brother for paying that much attention to him between all of his other projects and experiments.

“Leo?” Mikey called. “Hey guys, Leo’s awake!”

Leo sighed. Well, now or never.

As his brothers, his sensei, and Casey and April gathered around, Leo cleared his throat. “I need to be honest with you all. I haven’t… I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Or getting much sleep. I’ve been training whenever I can, especially when I can’t sleep.” He paused to take a breath. Something as simple as talking was taking more energy than it should. “I know the Foot is planning something. I’d gotten some intel out of a couple of Shredder’s lackeys a few weeks ago and I’ve been trying to prepare, but nothing’s happened. I can’t figure out if it’s something yet to come or if we’ve missed it and let people get hurt and I… I guess I didn’t cope with that well.”

Leo had to stop again to catch his breath and noticed Don and Mikey shoot worried glances at each other. He felt another wave of exhaustion hit and let his eyelids fall shut. There was a sharp ache in Leo’s chest that felt as if his heart was being squeezed with every breath. Not again.

Even though he knew he was entering a mild panic attack, the thought of admitting it to his family while he was already weak was entirely against his will. The last couple times had been so bad that he hadn’t needed to say anything, not to mention he hadn’t really had the ability to warn anyone. They’d come on much faster than this one. This anxiety came from his insecurities and his need for independence that he couldn’t fulfill right now.

While Leo had been lost in his own head, Raph had left the room with Casey following after him. Don, Mikey, Splinter, and April were whispering to each other, seemingly believing Leo to have fallen asleep again. If he didn’t tell someone what was going on soon, he was just going to suffer silently until the attack got bad enough that they noticed.

As he laid there, the pain in his chest started to get worse. Subconsciously, one of his hands moved to lay on his plastron where the pain was coming from. He put a little bit of pressure on it, hoping that would help, but it didn’t. It was getting harder to take even, regular breaths between the pain and the occasional tickle in his throat that he resisted.

Eventually, the pain outweighed his pride and he blinked open his eyes to see only Mikey and Don within his field of vision. He hadn’t even noticed the whispering stop or the movement of Splinter and April. Mikey and Don were definitely the two he’d feel most comfortable with in this situation. They remembered his attacks from their childhood and had supported him through his other episodes. Now would be the best time to get help.

Once he looked around and confirmed it was only the three of them together, he allowed himself to show weakness to his brothers. Too short of breath to speak, he reached out and lightly brushed his fingers against Donnie’s leg, getting his attention. Instantly, Don turned around and focused his worried expression onto Leo. “Leo, are you-is it… is it happening again? Another panic attack?”

Leo only nodded, finally dropping the mask and giving in to everything bringing him down. It wasn’t like him to cry in front of his brothers, but the amount of shame and guilt he felt was overwhelming. It weighed on him like a dark cloud and he couldn’t stop the tears leaking from his eyes. Don was trying to get him to sit up while Mikey sat next to him, grabbing one of his hands while Don mirrored him on Leo’s other side.

As Mikey squeezed Leo’s hand and rubbed circles on his shell, Don was instructing him to take deep breaths. “Breathe in for 4, hold for 7, and exhale for 8, okay? I’ll do it with you,” Don explained calmly. Leo followed his example and tried to focus on grounding himself with sensations. Mikey knew that had helped him in the past, which was why he kept squeezing Leo’s hand with varying pressure and rubbing his shell in a calming pattern.

While Don talked him through and Mikey grounded him, Leo eventually felt his adrenaline die off as his body left fight-or-flight mode. He let himself lean against Donnie, laying his head on his brother’s shoulder. The three stayed like that for some time as Leonardo finally relaxed. Don and Mikey shared a fond smile as they realized Leo was peacefully asleep. They got up as carefully as they could and shifted Leo into a more comfortable position, then moved on with their day as got the rest he needed.

When Don checked his temperature later that day, he found it was starting to decrease, but slowly. While that was a good sign, it still meant that Leo needed more rest before they could consider themselves out of the woods. When he shared this news with the others, they were filled with relief. The road to recovery had begun.

The next morning, Leo woke up rather violently. Mikey refused to sleep anywhere but by Leo’s side until he got better, so he was there when Leo startled both of them awake during a nightmare. Mikey’s sleep had been interrupted by a sudden scream, causing him to jump out of the chair he’d slept in. Looking around the dark room for signs of danger, he spotted Leo, eyes wide and breathing heavily, sitting straight up on the couch.

“Hey bro, I’m here,” Mikey reassured, kneeling down at Leo’s side. “You had a nightmare but it wasn’t real. You’re okay now, you’re with me. We’re in the lair, our brothers are safe, you’re safe, just breathe for me, okay Leo?” His hands found Leo’s and resumed their ritual of squeeze and release, squeeze and release. Leo’s breaths slowed and he seemed to return to reality.

Startling Mikey, Leo grabbed him in a hug full of emotions he couldn’t explain. There was desperation, fear, relief, and pain all at the same time. Mikey hugged him back with just as much force to fight those negative feelings off with his own feelings of reassurance and hope. The eldest and youngest brothers didn’t find much in common with each other, one being far more mature than the other, but they both felt each other’s energies and responded with their own.

Finally breaking apart, they were silent. Leo remained leaning somewhat against Mikey, so he sat on the couch with him, shoulder to shoulder. His older brother said nothing, just leaned his head against Mikey’s shoulder as he had with Donnie’s.

“Mikey,” Leo said softly. “What happened that day when I didn’t wake up?”

Mikey let out a long sigh.

“Donnie… he couldn’t figure out what was happening with you. Your fever kept rising and you were muttering all kinds of nonsense in your sleep. We thought it was you dreaming or hallucinating, but then you started talking about stuff that had happened to us. It was all apologies. You told every one of us you were sorry about something that happened, I dunno, years ago. I barely even remembered some of it.”

“The thing was, you were apologizing for things that couldn’t possibly be your fault. I mean, you told April you were sorry about her shop burning down from that night you almost died,” Mikey paused to take a shaky breath as tears threatened to fall. “But you… you said we should’ve just left you to die. That you could’ve gotten the rest of us killed. And that’s just ridiculous bro. We all… we all know the risks. You just… you said a lot of things that made us realize just how much weight you put on yourself. All the pressure and responsibility and stuff. And you don’t need to do that to yourself. We don’t want you…” Mikey stopped and held back a sob as tears ran down his face. “We don’t want you to bear that burden all by yourself. We’re brothers. We’re family. And we’ll do whatever we have to to keep each other safe.”

Leo and Mikey both felt hands suddenly on their shoulders. Turning around, they saw their brothers standing behind them. They must have been woken up by Leo’s scream. Raph had his hand on Leo’s shoulder while Don had his on Mikey’s. All four brothers had tears on their faces, but they were smiling.

“We could never abandon you, Leo. No matter what, no one gets left behind,” Don sniffled, squeezing Mikey’s shoulder.

“Yeah, what he said,” Raph muttered, wiping his eyes. Still, he held tight onto Leo’s shoulder and the four of them ended up sprawled out in the living room together for the night. Mikey returned to his chair while Raph and Don curled up in blankets on the floor. The four of them shared stories from their childhood until the early hours of the morning, falling asleep one by one.

The following day, Leonardo’s temperature continued to go down, slowly but surely. Unfortunately, his coughing was still hitting him hard. Every coughing fit seemed to take more energy out of him than the last one. His brothers could see the exhaustion weighing on him more and more. Don was still giving him medication to help with the fever and they had cough drops to help with his throat, but other than that, the only solution was to wait it out while he got some rest.

Fortunately, Leo was sleeping better and the risk of having any sort of attack seemed to be decreasing by the day. Someone, usually one of his brothers, was by his side at all times of the day and typically for the night as well. In addition to getting an appropriate amount of rest, having his family near him helped ease his worries.

That evening, Leo had woken up from a nap by himself, which was a rarity. After a brief moment of concern, he was back to his usual calm, clear-headed self and simply laid there watching TV. Unknown to him, Don, April, and Splinter had been near in case things didn’t go as smoothly, but let out a sigh of relief when Leo responded well.

By the next day, Leo was fighting for his independence back with a vigor that hadn’t been seen for a long time. His fever was down to almost normal and his coughing fits were manageable. Don insisted that someone keep an eye on him when he was training, but otherwise let him be on his own once again.

Leo was in the dojo with Mikey at Don’s instruction. It felt good to be up and moving again after being so immobile for so long. He took a long moment to take in all the sensations that came with it before settling down to meditate. As he closed his eyes, Mikey called over to him from across the room.

“Hey, Leo?”

“Yeah?”

“Glad to have you back, bro.”

“I’m glad to be back, Mikey. Thanks”