Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Are you having any thoughts of suicide or self-harm?”

“No.”

“Any thoughts of harm to others?”

Sylvain sat in a small little office. It stood 11 by 12 feet, with walls that were painted an eggshell color. Standard paintings of landscapes and flowers hung on each of the four walls. The color of each palette was vibrant, an intention to distract clients of the overly plain room. It held three chairs, two blue comforters that were more uncomfortable despite their appearance and a computer chair, which the Therapist sat in just beside her desk. They never sat behind it during sessions, they always faced him, giving their undivided intention, besides the times they would occasionally glance down to write something down.
“No.”

He watched as they fixed their glasses and looked down at their note pad, pen in hand.
“Alright. Well, thank you for coming today, Sylvain. You seem better today. Last time we spoke, you mentioned about your fight with Felix. Have things calmed down? Are you both talking again? You state he can go days without talking to you.”

“I mean, by now I’m used to it.” he couldn’t recall the therapist’s name anymore. This was the third therapist he’d seen in the past year due to switches or therapists that just come and go. By now, he felt like a broken record, having to constantly repeat himself by telling the same story.

“But you know you shouldn’t be right?”

“Right.” he told them what they wanted to hear. It just seemed to make things easier. 

“Are you anxious right now?”

He glanced up towards them, the question confused him for a moment, his hands clasped on his lap, his right leg bounced in place.

“No?” it wasn’t a question but seemed to out as one.

They pointed the pen at him, specifically at his leg. “Your leg is bouncing. It’s just something I’ve noticed with the past few sessions. Do I make you anxious, Sylvain?”

He stopped his leg. “No. It’s just a habit.” and now he grabbed one of the decorative comforters pillows, placing it on his lap so he could lightly hug it. It was just as stiff as the comforter.

“How long have Felix and yourself been together?” they wrote something down.

“Five years now.”

“Five? Wow, that’s quite a bit of time.” 

That brought a small smile to Sylvain’s face and his eyes diverted to the ground. “Yeah. Our parents knew each other, we practically grew up together and just the beginning of his college year, we decided to go out.”
He could hear them scribble something else in their notes. “How old is Felix?”

“22.”

“And you’re---?”
“25.”

They wrote something else down.

“Have you tried telling him how you feel when he ignores you?”

“Tons. Each time I do, it just seems to cause another argument, so I just let it happen. Wait for him to reach out to me. He acts like those relationship memes.” He laughed a bit. “ You know, the ones where it shows a picture of a couple, where one partner is obviously mad and the other is wanting attention? “ When bae is mad” type of thing.”

“What’s a meme?”

Sylvain blinked and he waved dismissively as he shook his head. “Nevermind, it’s hard to explain.” he didn’t realize his voice went quiet. How did someone not know about memes in this day and age?
They wrote something else down again before asking the next question.

“What usually causes him to ignore you?”

“It’s usually him getting really moody, I say something that rubs him the wrong way. He states I knee jerk too much, that my emotions fuel my response. I say things without thinking.”

The memory of a certain instance where Felix got angry when Sylvain got a message from Dorothea. Sylvain stated it was nothing and just friendly conversation, Felix didn’t seem to appreciate it very much, because Dorothea was annoying to him and the Sylvain was close to her. They went on a few days before Felix and he finally got together. In response, Sylvain joked about him being jealous and naturally, the other male didn’t appreciate that at all.

“Have you two thought about couple’s counseling? It sounds like he has an issue with talking about his own feelings. Or maybe suggest individual counseling for him?”

There was sigh and Sylvain just sank in his chair.

“He doesn’t believe in counseling. He thinks its a joke, that if there’s an issue in the relationship, the two individuals can talk it out.”

“But obviously, he isn’t practicing what he’s preaching.”

Sylvain threw his arms up. “RIGHT? It infuriates me! He’s the worst person when it comes to talking about his feelings. I try to be his support, ask him how his day was? How work was? If there’s anything he needs. But he just gives me responses like,” He mocked Felix’s voice, motioning with his hands. “Fine. Stressed. No.” he rolled his eyes. “I thought he would break out of his habits eventually, he acted the same in college, so I thought the more time we’re together, the more he’ll eventually open up. But nope of course not.”

He placed the pillow to the side and rubbed his face.

“You seem to be bottling a lot up…”

“I bottle up because I don’t want others to become concerned.” he lowered his hands from his face. He leaned forward on his knees, his brown eyes clearly showing confliction. He knew it was bad to hold in emotions, he absolutely understood the possible outcomes, but how could he voice his thoughts without sounding like a complaining mess? He didn’t like being perceived as someone who constantly whined, so he put on a front. A mask to hide what he really felt.

The therapist glanced towards the clock. “Well, we’re about 5 minutes until the end of the session.” They set the clipboard aside and relaxed in their chair as they scooted behind their desk to gain access to their computer.
“Same time in two weeks?”

Sylvain pulled out his phone, immediately going into his calendar. He had a habit of forgetting things. “Yeah… yeah sounds like a plan.” he immediately pocketed the phone and stood up with a fake practiced smile. A smile that masked what he was really feeling.

“Perfect. Well, I’ll see you in two weeks, Sylvain.” The therapist also smiled, also fake, and led him to the door, even opening it for him.

“Yeah, till then.” and out the door, he went.

Chapter Text

“You need to drink more water. Your lips are dry.” Felix spoke in a plain tone as he felt Sylvain’s lips press against his neck. None the less, the kiss spread goosebumps across his pale skin like wildflower.

“Mrm…No you.” he could feel another kiss, just behind his ear, his breath warm against his skin.

The smaller male exhaled deeply, rolled his eyes, and made a motion to get out of bed until he felt Sylvain’s hand gingerly around and cupped at him.

“I have to go to work. I don’t have time.” he pushed the hand away.

“That’s why they’re called quickies.” Sylvain’s voice seemed huskier, half asleep, but also aroused. Sylvain had moved closer, spooned, and then he could feel the larger male.

“Don’t have time.” he pushed away, got out of bed, and fixed up his long hair in a loose bun. He could feel Sylvain’s gaze on him as he moved to their shared closet, and pulled out clothes to wear for work.

“You never seem to have time.”

The statement made him pause for a split moment, enough for Sylvain to notice.

“Is it me? It is isn’t it?” there was an evident sound of sadness in the tone.

“Can we not do this?” Felix entered the bathroom with his clothes. He set them aside and began to wash his face, the usual morning prep to get the sleep from his eyes. 

“Can we not what? Talk?” Sylvain was in the doorway now. “That’s all I want to do.”

“You’re trying to guilt-trip me for not wanting to have sex.”

“Guilt trip? I’m trying to ask a question. Come on, Felix. We haven’t had sex in over a month. You seem to withdraw whenever I attempt to touch you. I mean--- how am I not supposed to think it’s me?” those brown eyes were now sad aswell, Felix could see them from the reflection in the mirror.

Felix tossed the face rag onto the counter. He was trying not to show his frustration, but when Sylvain got like this, it annoyed him. God . He turned on his heels and locked eyes with Sylvain now. “Stop assuming. Stop spiraling. Just take my word. It’s that simple.”  his tone was short, almost harsh, but it was enough to get Sylvain to shut up. The redhead had turned his gaze to the floor briefly, to avoid from his glaring one.

He scoffed and turned back towards the mirror to finish up when Sylvain spoke up again.
“So is it not me?”

“Jesus Christ, Sylvain.” Felix growled and he looked over his shoulder. “If it was you, do you think I’d still be with you?”

Just for an instance, the look on Sylvain’s face resembled a kicked dog. He had wet his lips. “My Therapist said I need to voice my concerns more.”

Felix had brushed his hair and glanced back to Sylvain. “Don’t you do that already? You’re paying 100-200 a session for shit you already do.” 

There was a sigh from the redhead, he witnessed the sag in his shoulders, and it was enough for Felix to tell the man had given up. That fake and practiced smile came to his lips.

“Yeah. Haha, guess you’re right.” the redhead moved over towards him, his arms embraced from behind, his taller form hunched down just a bit so his face could bury itself into his neck again. Felix felt another kiss just before he pulled away. “Have a good day at work.”

“Thanks.” was all he could say in response as he watched the taller male exit the bathroom.

He often imagined how those lips would feel against his neck, the soft caress of his fingertips across his skin. Was he a rough lover? Or was he gentle? Was he the type to cuddle once done? Felix’s thoughts seemed to wander more and more about these sorts of things, especially concerning a certain blond friend that he knew he shouldn’t be thinking about, but still did. It all started when Byleth came into their lives. The guy just showed up out of no where and was suddenly dating Dimitri. No one even knew Dimitri was even seeing people. The man was always buried in work, when did he even have the time?

“Felix?”

Speak of the devil.

Felix turned in his seat at his desk and looked up to see that man standing at his doorway to his office. Dimitri was another childhood friend of his, best friends would you say? Regardless, they were friends enough that he was guaranteed a job at the blond’s company.

He sat up a bit.

“Dimitri.”

“Hi. That report. You have it done right?”

Oh, the quarterly budget. Right.

"Yes, of course.” He pulled the file out of his top left drawer and handed it over, which was taken with a handsome smile. “Thanks.”

Just as Felix thought the blond would leave, he instead looked out the office door, first left, then right, then shut it. He turned a blue gaze that Felix often found himself lost in towards him.

“How are you doing? And Sylvain?”

The mention of Sylvain made Felix frowned and with a small scoff, he turned his seat back to his computer. “Do I look like his caretaker? Ask him yourself.”

He could hear Dimitri move closer. “Felix--- When are you just going to end things with him? You’re obviously unhappy. Why are you dragging him along? It’s almost cruel, especially if it’s one-sided.”

Felix could feel his jaw tighten, his hands hovered over his keyboard before clenching into fists and he turned his heated stare to the other male.

“My personal life is none of your business.”

“You’re both my friends. I’m just concerned.”

“Concerned? More like you're prying." His gaze narrowed. "Are you done? You came for the report, right? I’ve got work to do.” he turned back to his computer, typing. He listened to the sigh of defeat escape Dimitri’s lips with a mumbled “fine.”

Footsteps retreated to the office door, opened, and there was a moment of hesitation before Dimitri spoke. “If you need anything, just ask. Ok?” and he was gone.

Felix paused, dropped his hands to his desk with a clenched jaw. Did everyone know about their issues? Who the fuck was Sylvain talking to? He hated others knowing of his personal affairs and now Dimitri knew too? Son of a bitch.