Archive of Our Own ^beta

February 6, 801 WG – July 18, 801 WG

Bartolomeo would never be considered the wisest of men. No, no one would even mistake him for someone that possessed an ounce of common sense. What wise man would head out to sea with no practical sea knowledge and not even the sense to recruit someone who did? All to follow after a young man who happened to have a miracle fall upon him the day he was supposed to die. Bartolomeo and a gaggle of similarly giddy fan boys. Then to put forward time and money to craft a ship in homage to said legend, and still fail to get the details right.

“A” for effort… No more like a “B” for effort. How does one fail to obtain the correct type of citrus tree and give the gentle Merry angry eyes if they put in a sufficient effort?

In all honesty Bartolomeo, the rudest, crudest rookie pirate on the sea should never have made it to Saboady, never mind New World. Yet it seemed fortune smiled upon him and he lucked his way through what may have been the easiest route to New World. Or else some god of mischief favored his particular brand of chaos and showed mercy. Maybe his Barrier Barrier Fruit was just too important to dispose of even if the wielder was so unseemly.

Then again, being unseemly was why he could wield it so effectively. Truly whether some devil fruits shine like the sun or were nameless duds depended on their wielder’s creativity.

However the man made it, he made it, and even received the chance to meet his idol. Even better for him, unlike when most meet their heroes only to be profoundly disappointed in the revelation of their human flaws and traits, his hero continued to exceed Bartolomeo’s inflated expectations for him without even an ounce of delusion required.

Bartolomeo was even able to swear allegiance to the man, as did several other captains similarly inspired by the event in Dressrosa. It was a dream come true to sail with the Straw Hat flag of the alliance hanging off his bow and the precious vivre card protected under domed glass to always indicate the direction his hero was at all times.

Then the unthinkable happened.

One night, Bartolomeo awoke to the frantic shouts of his watchman. The vivre card, the piece of paper tied directly to the life force of Monkey D. Luffy, vanished. The glass dome was unbroken, and they had purposely made the thing so there was no way it could be removed without some damage being done to the container. How could Luffy-senpai’s vivre card have disappeared?

“Did… did Luffy-senpai die?” stuttered a subordinate in the bewildered silence. This resulted in the immediate beatdown of the poor soul who had dared to voice the taboo thought. However, once voiced it could not be un-voiced. Was no other explanation available? Bartolomeo spent the rest of the night with his crew fretting about the outcome of his beloved hero. All his calls to the Straw Hats went unanswered, not helping his state of mind in the least.

Come morning, the arrival of the New Coos brought both trepidation and anticipation as the sleepless crew sought the item it carried to see if the World Economy News Paper could shed light on the mysterious vanishing of the Luffy-sempai’s vivre card. Yet the newspaper blathered on about anything but the Straw Hats. Which itself was telling even as it told them nothing.

“What? If Luffy-senpai is dead how could they not report it?!” yelled Bartolomeo as he crunched the useless bundle of world news, unwittily voicing the very sentiment that had earned his subordinate a black eye. “How could the supposed death of one of the greatest pirates alive not make the newspaper?! If Luffy-senpai had really fallen, then it should be here!”

The rest of his crew nodded their heads in agreement. The safest activity considering their captain’s state of mind but, being a collection of Luffy-senpai’s greatest fans, they also agreed with everything he said without coercion.

Now, a wiser man, at this point, would have accepted the signs that his beloved hero had perished in some unknown event. That the incredible luck the future Pirate King had to have in abundance had finally run out. A wiser man would have bitterly cursed a fate that would take down his beloved hero without so much as a whisper to mark the occasion. Someone like his hero, who lived life out loud, should never die in silence. A wiser man would have moved on. After all, whatever took down the future Pirate King without a whisper would devour him whole more easily.

Bartolomeo was not a wise man by any stretch of the imagination.

Determined to find answers, Bartolomeo began to call all his fellow Straw Hat allies. Each were equally baffled by the loss of their respective vivre cards and the lack of news concerning their chosen leader. How could a crazy, miracle-working crew like that just vanish without anyone knowing anything?

While the various captains began to fall into the wiser man’s cursing of the fates, Bartolomeo had other ideas.

“The World Government must have created another crazy device. One that can prevent vivre cards from locating their source!” he declared with the confidence only fools could know.

The rest of the captains could only stare in disbelief.

“You actually believe that?” asked the giant, Hajrudin. It didn’t sound like criticism.

Bartolomeo beat his chest to show his resolve. “Vegapunk is always coming up with crazy stuff like that.” He had no examples but that didn’t stop him. “Don’t you think, for the World Government, it would be useful to have a device that could interfere with the interaction between a person and their vivre card?”

“On these seas,” said the long arm, Ideo, “that would be devastating and useful. If you had a captive and knew he had allies that would search for him, you wouldn’t want people to find them.”

“They just lock him up in Impel Down and fortify the prison like they did with Fire-Fist,” said Sai, the new leader of the Happo Navy.

“But dear! Mugiwara was able to invade and escape Impel Down two years ago with hundreds of allies!” cried Baby 5, Sai’s wife and former member of Doflamingo’s crew.

Bartolomeo wasn’t quite sure how those two wound up married but she was an ally now. Just more proof of Luffy-senpai’s charisma and greatness.

“True,” replied Sai.

“Not everyone made it out, so he still has allies that would rush in to save him within Impel Down. I’m sure the Marines know that,” said Cavendish, the self-proclaimed beauty and sleepwalking psycho killer. His Den Den Mushi had a rose clutched in its own teeth as it spoke and sent off sparkles. Did he have that custom made?

“They probably need time without fear of early reprisal to set the execution up,” said Orlumbus, the leader of the largest section of the Straw Hat Grandfleet with his former exploration fleet, the Yonta Maria Grandfleet. He seemed like the type who would understand politics better than the rest of them. “Unlike with Fire-Fist, they’ll be expecting not only us but Dragon’s Revolutionary Army. I doubt the man will allow his son to be killed. Besides they may want to repeat what they accomplished two years ago. They may want Dragon to appear so they can kill him as they did White Beard.”

“Have they actually recovered from Paramount? They lost so many men of quality. Would two years really give them enough time to train up replacements of the same caliber?” asked Cavendish.

Leo, the dwarf and leader of the Tontatta Pirates stationed on Dressrosa, wasn’t contributing much to the discussion. They didn’t have much world knowledge and tended to believe whatever was said. This meant they believed Bartolomeo’s words as if they were fact and not mere speculation of a group refusing to accept their beloved hero may be dead. He had mainly been expressing his groups shock and awe over various statements and agreeing with whatever sounded right. The one thing the rest could count on, though, is if they decided to march into Hell to save Luffy-senpai the little ones would lead the charge themselves, whether the rest wanted them to or not.

“Hmm… I know we don’t think it’s possible for Mugiwara to be in Impel Down,” said Sai, sounding thoughtful, “but why don’t you, Leo, and the other Tontatta Pirates find a way to check the place. They could have just placed him in isolation and the lack of word is to prevent the occupants of Impel Down from realizing the truth.”

“Hah! That’s an excellent idea, Sai! We’ll head out right now to search Impel Down for Luffyland!” cried Leo, cheers echoed from beyond him.

“Do you, dwarves, even know where Impel Down is?!” cried Cavendish.

“Uh?”

Everyone facepalmed. Of course not. While using the little guys to search Impel Down was brilliant, getting them there undetected would be a trick. The infamous prison lay on the other side of one of the Gates of Justice within the Calm Belt surrounded by deadly Sea Kings.

“It’s a good idea to have Leo scout the place, but let’s make sure we actually get the right location first,” said Ideo. “If we’re going to need to invade just to get the dwarves over to the island, then I would like it be the one he’s expected at. Otherwise the Marines will figure it out. They know about the dwarves after all. They might not expect it the first time but…”

“Agreed,” said Sai. “We need a general location first. So how we get that information?”

With everyone in agreement that Luffy-senpai was being held in secret somewhere while the Marines prepared for his execution, there was only one thing to do.

“We ask,” replied Bartolomeo with a big fanged-filled grin.

Storm every Marine base in New World until they found Luffy-senpai and the others or found someone who knew where they were.

It was a rather busy few weeks which, alas, generated no leads, but it did make the front page of every issue of the World Economy News Paper. It was even a lot of fun, if one stopped worrying about Luffy-senpai for a moment and just enjoyed the destruction and chaos being wreaked. Bartolomeo even peed on the face of a particularly snotty vice-admiral.

Not Garp, naturally. He would never disrespect the grandfather of Luffy-senpai and Ace-dai-senpai, even if he was a Marine.

This vice-admiral was younger and something about his whole attitude had reeked of privilege and justice and somehow reminded him also of Akainu, a nose-in-the-air kind of Akainu. Which wasn’t Akainu at all. That lava bastard at least kept his nose level when he looked down on pirates. This Marine hadn’t as he told them off for attacking his base. Which made it ridiculously easy to take him down. How could anyone think it was a good idea to look up when the enemy was right in front of you?

That Marine had squawked so loud when Bartolomeo pissed on him. Still didn’t give up any answers even as he whined about the disgusting, uncivilized deed. Maybe he hadn’t known anything, still felt great to piss on him. So Bartolomeo guzzled a gallon of water just so he could piss on him a second time.

“Really, no one knew where Luffy-senpai was?” asked Bartolomeo as the Grandfleet representatives held another teleconference. They had met once a week to review targets. They were now out of bases, save one.

“It’s possible only a handful of elites know anything,” offered Sai. “Maybe Mugiwara is already at New Marineford with Akainu guarding him.”

Everyone groaned. That was not good. Akainu was a tough bastard and New Marineford had been built to withstand an even stronger force than what arrived during Paramount. At least that was the rumor, who knew the reality. Just more World Government hype with no actual substance? Not likely, they didn’t hype their tech, just their image.

“So, should we be talking to Dragon and organizing a raid of New Marineford?” asked Ideo. “It’s going to be difficult with just us. Large as we are, we aren’t White Beard level yet.”

“Does anyone know how to contact the elusive Revolutionary Leader?” asked Cavendish.

Silence

“How about Dai-senpai?” asked Bartolomeo, feeling frustrated. Sabo-dai-senpai and blown out of town too fast for anyone to get his number. How was he supposed to uphold his vow to rescue Luffy-senpai if there was no way to contact him when his little brother was in need of help?

Into the gloomy quiet, Hajrudin spoke. “Perhaps they have him on a mobile prison. Much harder to track without knowledge of the ship’s route or a vivre card of someone onboard. And they can change course if they get word of trouble ahead.”

“The vivre cards’ destruction would be absolutely essential then to prevent anyone from locating Mugiwara,” exclaimed Cavendish with delight. The delight due to their not being out of options.

“What if there isn’t?” asked Ideo, throwing a wet blanket on the scene.

“Then we send Tontatto Pirates into Impel Down,” said Sai.

“We’re ready to invade whenever you need!” called Leo. Cheers erupted in the background that sounded like, “For Luffyland and Usoppland!”

“Maybe we could hit all the bases in Paradise next!” exclaimed Baby 5 with a giggle.

That was an option and one the whole group could embrace. Blowing up Marine bases was fun and there was still no news of a capture or a pending execution. How long does it take to set up for an execution anyway? Ace only had a week before they were stringing him up. Maybe they were still hurting from Paramount War. Hmm… Time to hurt them some more before the main show.

It was time to hit Marine battleships. They’d save Marineford for absolute last, since no one wanted to deal with Akainu.

Everyone cracked knuckles and grinned like fiends. At least this way they were seriously damaging the Marines’ fighting capability for the big battle if they wound up not finding Luffy-senpai before the execution. Maybe Sabo-dai-senpai will have reached out to them with a plan of action by then.

It ended up being more of the same. Lots of destruction. Lots of disrespected Marines. No answers.

Well, not true, one commander had babbled about Mugiwara and Law blowing up Vegapunk’s island, but why wasn’t something that big in the newspaper? Morgans loved Luffy-senpai. He would never fail to print a story of the future Pirate King causing destruction to another major World Government facility. And would Law and Luffy-senpai be working together now that their alliance was over? They were only allied to take care of Kaido and were otherwise supposed to be rivals for the throne.

Everyone dismissed it as a lie, more Marine fabrications to get them to stop their hunt for their beloved leader. And so, the destruction continued.

Then Bartolomeo’s own luck ran out and he found himself face to face with an admiral. Worse, it was the same one he had faced in Dressrosa, Fujitora.

Fujitora was annoyed that his ship was being attacked right after returning to New World and he flattened the pirates with his gravity control.

“You and the other Straw-Hat allies have been causing a lot of problems here in New World,” he stated casually, as if he were discussing the weather, while he kept his sword held out over the troublesome lot.

“Where is Luffy-senpai?! What have you done with him?!” demanded Bartolomeo from where he lay pinned on his belly. This was an admiral, he had to know something.

“Mugiwara? He’s in Paradise right now, probably visiting old friends,” replied Fujitora sounding only slightly confused.

“You mean you have him in Impel Down after all!” Damn they should have hit that place first.

Fujitora studied Bartolomeo as only a blindman could then said, “What makes you think he’s been captured? I can assure you that isn’t the case at all. It wasn’t reported but he was involved in that recent dust up in Alabasta several weeks ago. He’ll be returning shortly, I’m sure.” The admiral tilted his head. “Though, now that I’ve caught you, you probably won’t get to see him again anyway.”

However, the Happo Navy arrived just then, and Bartolomeo and his crew escaped in the confusion caused by the new attackers.

Once they were all safely away from the gravity controlling admiral, Bartolomeo relayed what the man had said.

“Sounds like we need to try contacting them again. We just assumed when we couldn’t reach them before that they couldn’t be reached and didn’t try again,” said Sai with a grunt.

Bartolomeo wasted no time in trying to raise his beloved hero on the Den Den Mushi.

The lack of wisdom was in abundance with this group. The wise man would have read the signs, given up on the survival of the future Pirate King and moved on.

It only took three rings to pick up and Bartolomeo nearly fainted when he heard the voice on the other end.

“Hello, this is Monkey D. Luffy, I’m going to be King of the Pirates.”

“Going?” A spoke from beyond Luffy-senpai. It was irritatingly familiar as well unexpected.

“Is that Law? What the hell is that man doing on Luffy-senpai’s ship?” Bartolomeo gnashed his teeth as he spoke.

“Hello to you, too, Crest Head”

“YOU DON’T GET TO CALL ME THAT!”

“Well about that…” started Luffy-senpai, ignoring the exchange between Law and Bartolomeo, before another voice cut him off.

“Is this line secure?”

“Nami!”

“Is it?”

“No. Why? What happened, Nami-senpai? The vivre card just vanished one night. Why did it vanish?” Bartolomeo was babbling and began sobbing when he mentioned the vivre card vanishing.

“Lots of stuff happened and…” Luffy-senpai started only to be cut off again by what sounded like the receiver being grabbed. “Nami!”

“Not over an unsecured line! We don’t want the whole eavesdropping ocean to hear this. We’ll tell you all about it at that place.”

“That place?” repeated Bartolomeo, confused.

“That place! But it will be a few weeks before we can get there so don’t cause Leo and the others any trouble if you have to wait.”

“Oh… That place.” Bartolomeo understood and just managed to not say the name of Dressrosa out loud. “I understand Nami-senpai, we’ll meet at that place.”

The line went dead and Bartolomeo began to call around to inform the rest of the allies of the conversation he’d just had with Luffy-senpai. They all had questions that he wanted answers to as well. So they would meet at Dressrosa.

Wait, did he just say that over an unsecure line? Whateer. They would just have to clear the waters of Marines ahead of Luffy-senpai’s arrival. If there were enough ships still intact to cause trouble after these last few months.

Why hadn’t Luffy-senpai called sooner to let them know he was all right. He didn’t sound surprised about the vivre cards. Well they would know soon enough.

A few weeks later as the Grandfleet began gathering off the coast of Dressrosa, the Den Den Mushi rang. Bartolomeo answered and it was Luffy-senpai again, he swooned until he realized that his beloved hero was sounding depressed.

“We’re not going to be able to meet when we said we would.”

“Luffy-senpai! Why not?” wailed Bartolomeo. “What happened now? You can’t just not tell us what’s going on when we’re this worried about you.”

Before he could answer, Nami-senpai stole the receiver again. “Is the line secure?”

They were really worried about that, but this time Bartolomeo was prepared. Or, more accurately, Sai had made sure they were prepared. He and his brother, at least, could understand the need to not broadcast delicate matters across the entire eavesdropping ocean. Once assured that the line was encrypted, Luffy-senpai was allowed to continue.

Luffy-senpai then explained, in a sheepish tone, that he needed to get King Neptune and his people to a new island home. He had accidentally blown up Fishman Island while defending it from a nasty set of rookies who wanted to capture and sell mermaids. That was taking priority right now since they had Sea Kings pulling a huge ship called Noah with the entire Fishman Island population onboard.

“So, does anyone know of any good islands that the Fishmen and Mermaids could live comfortably on?” asked Luffy-senpai when he was done.

No one batted an eye at Luffy-senpai accidentally destroying the undersea island. They had seen what he had done to the capital when he defeated Doflamingo. That level of destruction was to be expected from the great Luffy-senpai.

The question was relayed and passed among the many members of the fleet before someone from Orlumbus’s Yonta Maria Grandfleet mentioned that they had stumbled across a hard to locate island on the edge of the Calm Belt and Grandline in New World that had a huge coral reef surrounding it several years ago.

The interior was full of ravenous beasts, so no one lived there, but the reef was safe. Sea Kings didn’t bother with it despite its location. The island had been named Amador and it was a trick to figure out the route that would lead to it. However, Orlumbus made Eternal Poses for every unoccupied island he came across. The Grandfleet decided to meet up with Noah and all would go to this Amador together.

And along the way, Luffy-senpai could tell them exactly what happened to him during these past few months.

So, this time the wise man was the fool and the fool the wisest of all. But isn’t that how it is with anything that comes into contact with a certain Pirate King?