Chapter Text
Knowing me, knowing you.
Part 1. Getting to know me.
Mistakes
The first notes of that familiar and most appropriate song reverberate through her body while taking a shower. The music fills her with nostalgy as it takes her back to when she was a little girl: Before finding out she was a witch… before going to muggle school even… it seemed so long ago. Almost another lifetime.
Her mother used to like staying a couple of days at home, she purposefully scheduled her appointments for the week to have time with her only daughter, and sometimes she liked to clean the house or cook a special meal, with the stereo blasting the songs of ABBA .
It was a marvelous one on one time they had together dancing and singing through the house. It were simpler times, when the little girl didn’t thought much about the lyrics she was hearing and trying to keep up with; and organizing her toys, stealing her parents books to read, wondering why the teapot whistled or why the moon didn’t show up every night were the most she had to worry about.
It now sent shivers down her spine to think how much she misses her parents. After the war ended she was finally able to get back to them, it took almost a year of research, brewing complex potions and no shortage of spellwork to manage that they remembered her. After all, it had been a thorough wipe-out what she did on their memories to protect them from the possibility of torture by Death eaters or from “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" himself… It was a straightforward decision at the time: She loved them, and could not have bore to have them tortured for who she was associated with our what she stood for.
At the end she did not lose her parents to Voldemort - the name having lost it’s threatening sound at the light of these events - as at the end it was she and not the terrible dark wizard who manage to leave them unrecognizable.
It was indeed never the same again. They appeared to know her but there was a thin veil between them, a disconnection that resonated in every interaction, a numbness to it that could be qualified as robotic. It was the difference between remembering someone and having someone explain to you your connection to a person. She realizes now and had been fully aware for years that it was a mistake, and that certainly there were other options she should have consider at the time.
It hurt her to think of all the mistakes she had made in her life, it’s true that they made the most sense at the time, but their repercussions were too big now. It wasn't that they were numerous either, but she found they still cut deeply into her like open wounds that refuse to be completely cured. She now feared she was far too young when those decisions were taken and perhaps she did not know any better even when people fancy her as a know-it-all.
It is on mistakes like these that she finds herself constantly dwelling and it seems this song is stretching out on her reverie. But now this lyrics... they make her think of her husband, it is such a strange concept: Husband. Of course she knows what it means and what it refers to, she even remembers her wedding in vivid detail, their vows to each other… She can recall when Ron proposed, and why she accepted and why she uttered an “I do” at the altar, but cannot feel it, cannot make herself relate to it… Not anymore, never in her heart.
She had come to the realization that more often than not her sense took over too quickly in the decision making process, her heart seldomy, almost never, considered… and now… now it hurts the brunette too much.
Thinking back, she contemplates her whole life and her uncertain future under that light, on counting her heart into the equation… And at the light of what happened a few months ago.
Tea and café
It is unnerving to even wonder a little bit more about this event, to close her eyes and go back to that moment and remember. It has an intoxicating effect on her body, one that has been fairly new to the woman. She would blush to have to admit her southern region starts pounding with a heartbeat, a little heat starts spreading with a strong and a bit of a fast pace heartbeat.
She was coming back from work at the Ministry when her voice reached her.
“ Ermione !” it had been years since she had not heard that voice, but it was unmistakable. When she twirled to face her however, she found herself in front of the beautiful now woman Fleur. The French woman stood taller than her as ever, with her platinum blonde hair tied up in a long ponytail, a few strands framing her face in each side. Her deep blue eyes sparkled in the smile that show her pearly white teeth. The makeup accentuated her natural beauty rather than covered it and she was wearing a royal blue coat that emphasized her femininity and eyes. Later on when Hermione was able to break contact from the ocean that was her gaze realized she was also wearing a cream turtleneck sweater, light brown boots and a pair of jeans. It was a little bit shocking really, she looked better now grown up (if possible, considering her allure was legendary to say the least), and the brunette could not place why she felt a little off in her proximity, like she may lose her balance at any moment. It was the first time in her life that the sight of the blonde had that effect on her. Of course she would have seen a more poignant version of what she was feeling on other people (Ron included) ... What had changed? She had, clearly.
“Fleur! hm, nice to see you! How you’ve been?” She blurted out without thinking much but regretting to have asked that after noting that the last time she had seen the woman was on her husband’s funeral. However, Fleur seemed relaxed and poised.
“ Magnifique ! Can’t complain really” Fleur smiled widely with only a trace of her accent, before asking her “It ‘as been a long time since I’ve seen any of you, would you like to have a uhm, a café ?”
Hermione was certainly taken aback by the proposition, usually when you meet someone the pleasantries would show up but it would not build up to anything concrete... However, she had nothing else to do for the day, it had been an unusually slow week at the Ministry, and she had done all the work at the office, so for once wasn’t taking some back home, and being a Friday meant not only that she would have the rest of the day to herself but that next morning Ron would have already left for work when she would wake up. Leaving her free to rest, read or do whatever she wanted, really.
In such, nodded, “That would be lovely. I’m not really a fan of coffee, but I can have a tea. Did you have a place in mind?”
The blonde’s eyes, twinkled, and she replied “There is a petite café a couple of blocks from ‘ ere , they serve the best croissants au chocolat ” the smile of the french woman was contagious and the shorter of the two could not help but smile as well.
“That sounds yummy, lead the way” She replied thinking they had never even spoken as much as just now... ever. ‘And now we’re heading to have a hot drink together… and some croissants apparently. This was starting to be the beginning of a potentially awkward situation’ she though. It did not made a lot of sense to do this, but the brunette's heart decided to argue stating that ‘for the very least she could offer a bit of support to her…’ while her brain chimed in making the point that ‘what was she to her? Her ex-sister-in-law? That was a mouthful…’
Thinking of this she felt the pair of blue eyes focusing on her, like a prickle, a tingling sensation on her cheeks. She looked up to see her face of amusement and endearment. A look she never seen from the woman and she blurted out a question mixed with a nervous chuckle at the same time “What?! ” And then a beat to regain control “what are you smiling about?”
“Nothing, I was just thinking age truly becomes you” her tone sounded playful 'and… a little flirtatious?' And then as to seal the remark without a trace of doubt she uttered “you look gorgeous”
Fleurs sped past her without waiting for Hermione's reaction, as the crowd made it impossible to continue the walk side by side. And Hermione was left wondering what she meant by that comment, surely it was a friendly one…'Yes, that was it… it happened often, women having friendly banter all the time, it was part of some women friendships…' she had seen it even when had never been a part of it.
Hermione shook her head as to clear it up and walked behind the blonde woman without speaking, a furious blush creeping in her features, despite her recent reasoning. ‘Certainly she was just being nice… right? Just unabashedly French… Yes, that was all’. The blonde gazed back at her from time to time and Hermione could see the pearly white when she checked to make sure that she was still following her… as if she could do anything else.
Soon enough Hermione was able to see Fleur stop at a corner, and make a zigzag motion with her wand barely poking out of her pocket, the words mouthed lost for the brunette as they were cast in a whisper. Out of nowhere a set of stairs appeared with a golden sign that read “ La Gargouille Doré ” with what seemed to be a golden kind of small… dragon? Hermione wondered as she followed Fleur climbing the newly appeared set of stairs.
“ Bonsoir ” a petite witch with short dark green hair greeted them. She kind of looked like a beautiful oversized fairy, Hermione thought amused “ Tableau pour deux ?”
“ Oui, parlez anglais s'il vous plaît ?” The face of Fleur was kind and apologetic, as if knowing her request would not be well received, and Hermione was silently touched, appreciating her manners and consideration, even though she could defend herself in the romantic language.
The short haired witch momentarily made a grimace, it lasted less than a second. Hermione would have missed it had she blinked. And addressed them “Of course, come with me” she spoke with a thicker accent and lead the way to a secluded balcony with a table for two. Even with the years she had spent in the magical word and the things Hermione could achieve with her trusted wand she couldn't help but wonder how beautiful magic could be. The balcony did not face crowded London rather a French countryside view. While London was cold and grey, the balcony was warm and a golden sunsety light covered the table.
Hermione´s face was filled with amusement as both witches were looking at her wonder, the small witch even smiling in earnest. The brunette blushed again at this, feeling self conscious now, she was certainly not that quick to blush or even at all. ‘What’s the deal with me today‘ she thought mortified. The fairy-like witch then flicked her wand and a couple of menus appeared. She then addressed Fleur, “I am fairly new at LGD and have not seen you before but I gather you know how to order?”
“ Oui ” replied the blonde with a short nod and a kind smile. And Hermione felt a sort of annoyance as the other witch could not help but return the smile and wink at the blonde while she disappeared.
All the plates on the menu sounded so good it almost tempted her to order one of each “Do you know what to order?” the blue eyed French asked.
“Everything sounds delicious, but I think I will go with your recommendation I want a chocolate croissant and a Tea” as she was saying this Fleur wrote the order on the back of the Menu, including her own choice as well. Hermione noted her writing was quite handsome, almost magical on its own.
As soon as she finished writing, a tea set appeared, complete with a teapot, cup, fresh milk and sugar, it smelled amazing, so comforting, and for Fleur a mug of freshly pressed café noisette . Simultaneously a couple of big croissants were forming in front of them and got to a gold crisp before landing swiftly in each of the plates.
Hermione grabbed it eagerly and took a bite of the freshly baked good that dissolved in her mouth just before a delicious punch of dark chocolate covered her tongue “Uhmm” she wasn’t able to hold a somewhat gutural deep moan “You weren’t kidding, this is marvelous”. She continued trying to cover the sound she had uttered.
Fleur lifted up a single eyebrow mischievously and she was definitely trying to keep a straight face “I would not kid when it comes to croissants au chocolat , ‘Ermione” they both could not help but laugh releasing the tension of the moment with Fleur’s attempt to be serious.
The evening went rather well, not nearly as awkward as Hermione had thought at first. That is except when she decided to address Bill’s death.
“So, how are you holding up? I mean, uhm… after Bill” Fleur’s eyes reflected a hint of sadness and something else that remained a riddle for Hermione. She quickly added “I mean, sorry for bringing this up but I feel you were not supported enough after it happened. And I feel partially responsible for it… You know? I just wanted to let you know, we can talk about it if you'd like.” When she finished rambling she felt pressured by her own choice of topic.
Fleur regarded her for a couple of seconds… what was she thinking about? And then replied simply “ ‘e was a wonderful man and ‘is life was cut too shortly and way to sudden… war ‘as a way of doing that”
Hermione nodded thinking on the odd choice of words and found herself blurting out “I’m sorry about how we acted”. Truth be told it was no secret that Ginny, Molly and her were no fans of Fleur. But she still felt that they had not followed up with the blonde as they should have considering everything and she made sure she knew it. “We should have been there for you more. It was hard on all of us but I understand that perhaps you needed more support” she insisted.
Fleur looked like she was in the verge of saying something but she shook her head for a fraction of an inch before saying “All ‘as passed, do not worry about it. I certainly did not expect anything different and my family supported me through it all. ‘Owever merci , for the sentiment” then she added “let’s move to a different subject, oui ?”
Hermione was curious of what Fleur had held back, but proceeded as she wished.
They quickly forgot about the awkward interaction, and swiftly changed the subject to cover from what they were both doing professionally, to somehow diverting to theories descriptions and dissertations, on primitive forms of magic, treatment of magical creatures, women’s equality, their favorite authors and what they both expected the new Minister of Magic to accomplish while trying more things in the menu. Fleur proved to hold her own in each topic discussed and Hermione started finding the blonde even more captivating. More so, she felt so at ease with the blonde, as if they had been close since the beginning.
“A couple of years ago, I stumbled upon an ancient parchment, in the Ministry’s Library” the brunette started to say, a sly smile forming on her lips as she added “One of the perks from working there”
“Ah! now I know why you are still working there Mademoisellle Granger !” replied Fleur mockingly pointing an accusatory finger but failing to be serious again by letting a laugh escape her features. It was a marvelous sound Hermione could never get tired of hearing, like bells.
“You wouldn’t be completely wrong in assuming that” She replied honestly with a smile of her own. While being met by a knowing look. Although she did loved her work, that big perk sealed the deal. “Anyhow, as I was saying, I came across this magnificent work by Arvid Erikson, descendant of Leif Erikson. She was a Viking witch that explored the Americas, and found in the southern regions of Central America clans of muggle natives that had wizards as figures of leadership: Chamanes I believe they were called, and she recollected a number of rather interesting potions from making gold temporarily malleable, to removing all undesired hair from your body and taking away a women’s fertility just to be able to easily return it with another potion like that” she finished, snapping her fingers.
“How interesting, I don't think we 'ave the equivalents for all of those to this date. It is like that study performed by Chavez two years ago…” The blonde was saying, her lips captivating her...
While nodding vaguely, Hermione saw the clock out of the corner of her eye and realized it was already past twelve.
“Oh for Merlin’s beard! Look at the time, it sneaked up on us, didn’t it? I was enjoying myself too much perhaps” She was too startled to realize that she had rudely interrupted the blonde while looking for her purse to pay her part.
“Never enough” Fleur smiled satisfied, not showing to be bothered by the interruption “We should repeat it, oui ? I still want to know your take on the study of Chavez findings in the Amazonian forest, though” she stated as Hermione felt amused that the blonde was not above mentioning where they have left the conversation, and she seemed genuinely interested for her opinion. She was about to comment while continuing getting her purse as to pay for her part when she replied “Oh non !, I will not ‘ave it. I’ll pay, it was my idea after all”
Seeing that she was about to protest the French quickly added “You will invite me next time, oui ?” Now that was an offer she could not refuse.
They exited the parlor after paying still talking and laughing, Hermione honestly could not remember spending a better time with someone else. Then at the bottom of the stairs Fleur gestured to her right, “I’m going over there”
Hermione, feeling a twinge of sadness replied “I think I’ll apparate, I usually like to take the tube” she stated, gesturing to her left “but I think is rather late”.
“ Oui ” the French woman stated “It was a pleasure spending the evening with you ‘Ermione . I ‘ope we see each other soon” and then it had happened: Fleur had approached her cheek as to give her a kiss, but while both were adjusting, it landed instead on the corner of the brunette's mouth, moistening the left side of her mouth a little.
Hermione felt as if an energy surge came from that simple action her heart started pounding, while a tingling sensation reached her tummy and spread between her legs, and for once, she was at a blank trying to make sense of what had just happened. 'Why had she felt that way’
Fleur pulled away quickly as Hermione stayed there frozen.
Seeing the reaction, Fleur quickly laughed nervously “ Pardon that was my bad. I think I am more tired than I realized” the only though in Hermione's brain was ‘do it again’, but at a loss, could only smile nervously chuckling along while disapparating and almost instantly apparating at her living room, the fireplace was almost all ashes, with a light flickering of flames still present and the snores of Ron coming from the couch, clearly having fallen asleep expecting her to arrive made the moment past seem to be in another reality.
It was in this cold, darkening room that she used to call home, that an eerie numbness spread through her body and into her bones when the reality hit her and the evening with Fleur was left to be a memory of summer on what now seemed and endless winter.
A hot dense tear verged on her left eye and before she could wipe it, trailed quickly to her chin, being followed by more.
With a last glance for the night to her husband, Hermione quietly went to the bathroom, casting a silencing charm and letting her body vent.
Reviewing the past.
When it appeared Hermione had run out of tears, she casted a warming charm on the tiles without thinking and sat on the floor. She took a deep breath and wondered. She was attracted to Fleur, there was no denying it, she realized. It was strange, the blonde never appealed to her before, in fact, it was annoying how people stare at her and she was kind of rude at the Triwizard Tournament… but was she? She started thinking, they were not close enough to say this for granted. And then, when she married Bill it was hard to like her when she was so different from them and talking to Ginny and Molly only reinforced how annoying the French was… But then again, it was what she had assumed. To be honest, they never truly interacted that much… But now… ‘’Now I am treading on dangerous waters…’’ She whispered to herself. "I like her. I felt aroused with that simple kiss…’’ She sighed. ‘’Do I fancy women? How have I not realized it before? Or, more likely, payed the proper attention to it…’’ she trailed.
Thinking of Fleur in her fourth year made her think of Viktor. It was almost a different era back then when she thought about it, even though at the moment the real war was only starting to brew, it seemed it was much a lighter time than what followed.
She remembered how at fourteen she hadn’t even thought about being with someone, what she liked or disliked, or even what she desired hadn’t crossed her mind. Those, on her teenager mind, were superfluous things that did not deserve her time being wasted on (Oh, how wrong she now knew she had been). Her interest was solely capture by books and classes, learning, knowing… and of course, surviving being friends with Voldemort's greatest target.
She was thrilled even, four years after receiving confirmation that there was a curious power inside her, that magic was real, not the stuff of fairy tales (which before knowing for a fact magic existed, felt rather silly and ridiculous to her younger logician mind: There was no scientific proof of enchantments and wands) and her interest peaked by learning that there were witches and wizards hiding from the world that she used to consider normal and that there was so much more to learn. She found herself wanting to know it all, from the history, to the meaning of every ingredient in a potion, their properties, reactions and others. She was captivated by all there was to read and discover and so mesmerized by her wand when finally getting one, by how she could make sparkles out of thin air, and then things move, or create, morph, brew and enchant… She felt whole when doing magic. There was so much more to learn, and she wanted to learn it all. It was even hard to understand how her peers did not felt the same way.
Her mind has always been like a sponge, and was dedicated to cover her schedule with learning, more and more. At her fourth year at Hogwarts she was already the smartest among her peers and it was that affinity for words and education that alienated her from her own feelings (She was now recognizing it, and that this behavior carried over for more than a decade after) this resulted in knowing a lot about her exterior, but near to nothing about her interior, her own self.
Returning to Viktor, she did remember why she accepted the boy. It was only logical at the time. Even with all her lioness teenager pride, and her own female empowerment she felt as an outsider, removed from her female peers which she could confess bothered her to a degree. She had always held herself so high, that it was a little difficult to understand why other people didn’t see her in the same way. True that Ron and Harry regarded her in high spirits, and that their friendship was tight, but they did not appreciate her wisdom, accomplishments and thirst for knowledge as a point of beauty, rather as a convenience in their life.
When Viktor had approached her, the shy young man’s dark eyes, twinkled with interest when they discussed a variety of topics. It was clear that he was attracted to her mind, entranced by her intellect, he listened to what she had to say and was captured by her way of speaking. And she had to admit that she felt thrilled of the recognition, so much, that she started to really like how she saw herself in the reflection of those black eyes. It also helped that the Bulgarian was truly smart (No wonder why, as he was one of the champions for the Triwizard Tournament... as was Fleur...), and when he spoke enthusiastically it was interesting to hear what he knew and his point of view, it was truly stimulating.
She recalled that she started to fancy herself prettier than ever before, and wanted that to be reflected on her physical appearance when Viktor asked her to the Yule Ball. She searched for potions to make herself look prettier, and seeing herself as a beautiful young lady in the mirror. She manage to show externally exactly how she felt, in her dark blue and elegant robes for a night of wonders.
She had even taken the time to place replicas of the constellations at the bottom of her dress robes, make it seem like she was wearing a starry night. It had been fun and it had felt good, but when the time came that the Bulgarian stopped their interesting conversation and proceeded to kiss her it felt rather sloppy and dull.
Viktor’s face was strong, his skin prickled by the small stumps of hair which he obviously shaved regularly, his lips were hard against hers, there was a lot of saliva, and his mouth tasted funny. Overall, it had not been a pleasant experience, when they parted from it he looked overjoyed about it, his eyes dreamy, and she could only give him a small smile in order to not be rude with the boy that had only good things to say about her.
It was that same night, while on her room at Gryffindor tower that she felt empty, she realized he was not attracted to the seeker, and that made her return to her books, it no longer was important either to make sure she looked pretty on the outside... It wasn't worth the effort, after all, she had given her heart and body a chance and it had not paid off. She rather go back to her old love: Reading and learning. And so she did.
All in all, she continued to be in touch with Viktor for a couple of years after, as penpals. She knew how he felt, but decided to keep things amicable and although he was quite disappointed they remained to be good acquaintances, friends even. True that with time they wrote less and less till none at all… coincidentally his last letter was to congratulate her on her marriage to Ron… a short and dry letter. Which left her out of a good friend that unfortunately wanted more than she could give him.
“Till death do us part?”
Back to the present, the melody was still playing (it seemed that the song was longer than she remembered, stretching out while deep in thought.) An Ipod shuffle and a small round shaped bluetooth speaker were floating in midair in a light blue bubble. It had not been an easy feat to make the muggle technology work among all the magic without interference. But she had managed a spell of her own device that allowed the items to be impervious to magic while the sound transpired without any hinder. A stroke of genius, if she dared say so herself.
The lyrics carrying so much meaning to her own situation “Knowing me, knowing you” She can’t help but sing feeling the words in her heart, feeling a little bit of despair on what they mean “There is nothing we can do… we just have to face it, this time we’re through… breaking up is never easy, I know, but I have to go… it’s the best I can do...” Tears running through her eyes, she can’t help it thinking of the hurt she will inflict upon Ron when she dares speak with him about how she feels. She doesn’t want to break the heart of her best friend.
The song finally ending, she turns off the Ipod and makes it levitate to the basket where she keeps it. While thinking of the “knowing me” portion. That is what she has come to realize now. She has started knowing herself more, and found that her current situation could not continue for much longer. Or rather she now knows that she is in this situation by not having known herself better to begin with.
With a swish of her wand she casts another non-verbal spell to dry her hair and body in a swirl of warm wind. And although she likes to brush her hair in the muggle way she does use a bit of the “Tame-o” potion she purchased on Diagon Alley to cover the strands, all the while she finds herself drifting again to the red haired man that she agreed to shared her life with.
And she does love him very much, although she has realized she actually loves him as much as she loves Harry, it was not that she is in love with both men, rather with neither. How would she explain it? ‘I certainly love them both, but I am not in-love with the person I have stated I would spend the rest of my life with’ she thinks bitterly while uttering a “Till death do us part” a shiver runs through her thinking that could become a reality.
She knows why she started dating Ron in the first place. Like everything else in her life, it made sense at the time, they were amidst war, thinking they could die at any point, fighting next to each other. She had missed him so much when he had left them... They were supposed to be a trio, and when she found herself alone with Harry the energy of their relationship was stranded… And then, he came back… How had he dared to leave them, to betray their own fellowship… She was furious...
Then when he found them back she could see his redemption. He had tried to go back as soon as possible and several times before he was successful. Then he impressed her, he had learned and remembered to speak parseltongue when the time was pressing and they needed to find the basilisk’s fangs to get rid of the pieces of You-know-who… And then when she thought her friend could not impress her more he spoke in favor of the house elves. He showed her he cared for what she did, and in that moment it was enough.
She remembers that one of the things that threw her off was how jealous she felt of missing her friends to their girlfriends. She know recognizes that with Ginny it was not that pronounced, it was different because she was her friend as well, she did not felt she was losing Harry when they were a couple but with Ron and Lavender it was preposterous. It enraged her, Lavender was obnoxious, her over clinginess infuriate the brunette.
She was losing one of her best friends to this idiotic of a person. She almost wanted to puke whenever she heard her say “Won-won” and that made her think that perhaps Ron meant more to her than he actually did… and that did it…
All those elements together made sense, and she kissed her best friend. It was different than kissing Viktor. For one, Ron was softer, he also had a little bit of facial hair but it was soft, not near as uncomfortable as the Bulgarian’s had been… It was nice… and the adrenaline of the moment gave her heart a ran. Yes, she thought that was it.
Then, the war ended but the feeling of dread was far from gone. They had lost so many people along the way and the absence of Tonks, Remus, Fred, Bill… among so many others was heavy on their hearts. It still felt strange to wake up after so much loss and destruction and having one of her best friends at her side helped her carry on. Caring for Ron helped her as well. They regularly visited the Burrow, the Potters and George in his flat, Charlie, and Percy… truth was they didn't visit Percy that much, and they were trying to make sense to their lives now that everything was better… difficult but better. It was hard to get back to a regular, peaceful life after all they had been through.
It only made sense that after Harry tied the knot with Ginny, and Ron asked her to marry him to say yes… It was all she knew… and after all, it made sense on the dynamics of their little group.
She lets a small breath come out “Alas, it made sense”. It's not that she's miserable either but she's not particularly happy. Ron still makes her laugh from time to time with his silliness, but he is not fascinating. He also doesn’t seem to like when she rambles on her passionate speeches of a certain topic or when she's detailed and thorough on her beliefs… He no longer pays attention. She feels empty when kissing the man, her heart no longer runs at the touch of his lips (only on their first kiss had it done so, were she to be honest).
She has read that witches, and females in general have a hard time feeling sexually driven, that for most the sexual act was not that good, nor appealing and Hermione felt it to be true.
She had waited to be married to have sex with Ron. Truth be told, she was not thrilled on the idea, and waiting made sense as to postpone it. Now she kind of wish she had had sex with Ron before… Perhaps then she would not have married him… Or would that had made a difference? Most likely not.
“Knowing me…” she trailed of in a whisper
But if a lot of women felt the same, perhaps it was just how life was. Sex was just not that good (Although Ginny certainly thought different… and was pretty vocal about it too). Or maybe, Ron was not that good a lover. Or feasibly she was not a good lover… then again, Ron always loved to have sex with her and showed no issues with enjoying it (he was as vocal about it as his sister was) So what was wrong?… was there something wrong?
Yes there was!
And she had pondered about it since meeting Fleur. Now that she was being honest, since before in some way, she always found herself thinking on women being attractive but, she had reasoned women were prettier than men, that was a fact that everybody knew, it did not meant anything in particular... no sense dwelling on it (Oh she should have dwell on it.)
Now, she feels extremely guilty. Facing a piece of parchment thinking about asking Fleur out for lunch this time… maybe even dinner. After all, hadn’t she promised to invite the beautiful blonde for their second date? Not date, for the next time then. It felt exciting but at the same time wrong. She's still a married woman… It is not okay for her to go out with someone she fancies even if the other person did not felt the same and didn’t even knew about it, or care for it for all it mattered.
No, she still loves her best friend and they both deserve better. This was not about Fleur, rather herself. These past months she had thought things through. For once she spent more of her time thinking about herself, how she felt, what she wanted… She reminisced about her life and found her suspicions to be true: She was most probably a lesbian. Fleur just woke her up for that realization and if she really loved Ron she would serve him better by letting him know before doing anything else.
She hadn’t been able to change the situation with her parents, she broke that one up (even though she continually tried to visit them to make it work). But “Ron and I are still young, we still can live through this”
She had made her decision.
She wrote on the piece of parchment to her superior instead, let him know that she needed next Monday off. After tying the small note to Athena, her owl, she sent her on her way. After all, Ron worked Saturdays and Sundays. And she didn’t want to have him come from work with this bomb of news only to have him work the next day. Although surely George would not make him work after this, but she wanted to be fair and considerate. He is her best friend after all.
Knowing me, knowing you…