Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ethan Green was five years old when their dad hit them for the first time.

They weren’t old enough to understand why their mom spent her whole paycheque on her medicine instead of food. They weren’t old enough to understand what the medicine was. Hell, they weren’t old enough to tie their own shoes. 

They were hungry. They hadn’t eaten in three days. Mommy was passed out on the couch, and Daddy was drinking. Ethan was scared, but they needed food. Surely they couldn't get in too much trouble for sneaking down to the kitchen, right? Wrong.

"Who's there?" 

Ethan froze, baby blue eyes wide. "Jus' me, Daddy."

“What are you starin’ at, boy?” their dad asked, chugging another beer. “Ungrateful brat.”

“I’m sorry,” Ethan mumbled. “I just wanted some food.”

“We don’t have money for food!”

“But I’m hungry,” they whispered.

“Don’t talk back to me!” he roared, crossing the room way too quickly. Ethan stumbled back, eyes wide. Their dad’s hand swung back and- CRACK!

Ethan fell to the ground, grabbing their cheek. A kick to their ribs and their dad turned back to the alcohol. Ethan felt tears flow down their stinging cheek, but it didn't matter right now. They couldn't let him know they were crying. 

They ran out the front door, and down the street. They didn’t know where they were going, but they needed to be away from their dad. Ethan sobbed softly. Their stomach hurt, but they couldn’t stop running.

Their dad had never hit them before. Ethan didn’t think he ever actually would. Sure, he would threaten, but he’d never actually done it. It was scary.

Ethan looked up suddenly and stopped. They were in the middle of the woods. They breathed out in relief. They knew their way around the woods, they could stay here for a few hours.

They walked toward the old stump, where they had hidden a couple books. If they kept the books in the house, Mommy would sell them to pay for her medicine, so they stayed there so they could read in peace. Ethan couldn’t read very well, but they wanted to. 

They were so busy thinking about their books, they didn’t notice the girl watching them from on top of the stump until they were almost in front of her.

“Who are you?” the girl asked, scowling with her hands on her hips. “Go away, this is my stump.”

“No, it’s not! My books are in there,” Ethan argued.

“No, they’re not!”

“Yes, they are!” Ethan pulled the books out from the hole, blowing the ants off of them. “See?”

The girl considered them for a second. “Fine, we can share the stump.” She hopped off of it, extending her hand. All signs of agitation were gone. “I’m Lex."

“Ethan.”

“What happened to your face?”

Ethan frowned, rubbing the raised hand print. It stung. “My daddy hit me. I ran away.”

“Where are you running to?” Lex asked. 

They sat on the stump, leaving half of it free for her. “I don’t know. I have to go home before eight.”

Lex nodded sadly. “Me too. My mom probably wouldn’t notice, but they lock the fence of the trailer park at nine and it's too cold to stay out all night.”

“Can you keep a secret?” Ethan asked. 

“Yeah,” she agreed.

They made sure they were alone before leaning in and whispering. “When I’m older, I wanna run away for real. Never come back.”

“Really?” Lex asked, eyes wide with wonder. “To where?”

“I don’t know,” they admitted. “Maybe California. My older cousin says it’s warm there. I don't like the cold.”

“Can I come?”

“Yeah! You can be an actress!” Ethan exclaimed. "Like on TV!"

Lex clapped happily, a complete 180 from a minute ago. “And you can be a singer!”

“Why a singer?”

“I don't know. You just look like a singer.”

Ethan’s stomach growled before they could reply.

“Are you hungry?” Lex asked.

“Mhm,” Ethan nodded. “Daddy says we don’t have money for food. Mommy spends it on her medicine.”

Lex took their hand. “I know where we can find some food.” 

She pulled them along, singing a soft song under her breath. She had a pretty voice. It was light and gentle, like a lullaby. Ethan smiled. They couldn’t hear much, but they could hear her voice.

“Does your daddy hit you a lot?” 

“He’s never hit me before,” Ethan shook their head. “Does your mom hit you?”

“Sometimes,” Lex said. “When we don’t have enough money for alcohol.”

They fell into silence, until they came up to a tree on the corner of the path. Lex reached up and grabbed an apple, passing it to Ethan.

“Thanks,” Ethan bit into it happily. “I haven’t eaten in three days.”

Lex took one for herself too. “When that happens to me, I come here. No one else comes this far down here. Too close to the hood.”

“How old are you?” Ethan asked. 

“I’ll be six in two weeks.”

“I’m turning six in November!”

Lex grinned. “Maybe we’ll be in the same class once school starts!”

“I hope so!”

“Alexandra!” a loud shout echoed through the forest, making both kids jump.

“That’s my mom,” Lex whispered, fear filling her hazel eyes. “I have to go. See you again soon?”

“Mhm,” Ethan nodded, staring down the path. “Are you going to be okay?”

Lex shrugged, picking up her jacket. “I’ll be fine. Bye, Ethan. Good luck!”

“Good luck, Lex. Thanks for the apple!” they shouted, waving.

Ethan didn’t go home until after dinner time. Their dad glared at them as they walked through the door, but stayed on the couch and sipped his beer. Ethan stared at the ground and ran up to their room. The apple Lex gave them was just an apple to most people. To Ethan, it was a lifeline.

Chapter Text

When Lex was six years and two months old, her mom sent her to Hatchetfield Elementary. Anything to get her out of the house. She hadn’t spoken to Ethan since that fateful July afternoon, but she knew they were still alive. She hoped she would see Ethan, but the way her life had gone so far, probably not.

She walked into the school, clutching the pencil she found on the ground and the backpack her neighbour threw out. Mom wouldn’t buy her school supplies, but she was damn impatient for her to get to school.

Lex marched herself down the halls, trying not to get smothered by the much taller kids running past her. She finally made it to her classroom.

“Hello!” the teacher said. “I’m Ms. Applewood. I’ll be your teacher this year.”

Lex smiled shyly. Ms. Applewood was a young woman, only two years out of university, with long dark hair and a kind smile. Despite herself, Lex trusted her. “I’m Lex.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Lex,” Ms. Applewood said. “Did your parents drop you off?”

“My mom is at work,” Lex told her. “I walked.”

Ms. Applewood nodded understandingly. “Well, you’re very early. Would you like to find a spot?”

She nodded, looking into the classroom. There was a kid dressed in all black and green, with a grey backpack by their feet. They turned around to look at Lex and-wait. She knew that face!

“Ethan!” She ran across the room, wrapping them in a hug.

“Lex!” they gladly returned her hug. “I missed you!”

Ms. Applewood came back, holding a couple pieces of paper and a bin of colouring supplies. “Lex, do you want to make a name tag for your table?”

“I don’t have any paper or markers,” Lex told her.

“That’s okay, you can use mine,” she assured her. “Ethan, you’re welcome to join.”

The pair made their name tags, with big block letters, and drawing around them. Ethan coloured flowers, curling in and out of their name. Lex’s was dark blue, with white stars and a big crescent moon.

“I’m glad you’re in my class,” Ethan told Lex. “I was scared I’d be alone.”

“Nope!” Lex declared, taping her name tag to her desk. “We’re gonna be best friends!”

“Whoa,” they breathed. “I’ve never even had a normal friend.”

They chatted and drew pictures as the room slowly filled up with other nervous 5-6 year olds.

The bell rang suddenly, making Lex jump. She shook her head. “I don’t like loud noises.” Ethan nodded. They hated them too.

Ms. Applewood stood in the front of the class. “Hello, everyone! I’m Ms. Applewood, and I’m going to be your teacher this year. If you need anything, you come to me. We’re going to do a little get-to-know you exercise. We’re going to go around, say our name, our age, and what we’re most excited for this year! I’ll go first. My name is Ms. Applewood, I’m 24, and I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you!”

The next was a child named Annie. Lex didn’t care. She zoned out until Ethan started talking.

“I’m Ethan, I’m five, and I wanna learn how to read better!” 

She smiled up at them as they sat down. She stood up. “I’m Lex. I’m six, and I want to learn how to act!”

Ms. Applewood smiled. “Very nice. Acting is hard.”

Lex disagreed. Acting was easy. It was just lying, and Lex was great at that.

Ms. Applewood went over the rules and the lesson plan before pulling a stack of papers out.

“We’re going to be practicing our spelling today. This isn’t a test, I just want to see where you’re at so far. If you need a pencil or paper, come grab some.”

Ethan, Lex, and another little girl (Deb, if Lex remembered correctly) did grab a sheet of paper and a pencil. Lex threw out the old one when a bug crawled out of the hole where the lead should have been. Ms. Applewood’s pencils were clean and new and smooth.

“First word: cat!”

Lex knew that word. C-A-T. The people two trailers down had a cat. It scratched Lex when she tried to pet it. She loved him anyway. Ms. Applewood continued calling out words.

Bat. B-A-T.

Rat. R-A-T.

Car. C-A-R.

Dog. D-O-G.

By the time they went out for recess, Lex felt like she was going to explode. She wanted to talk to Ethan, she wanted to tell them about her summer, she wanted to run. Finally, the bell rang and Lex was the first one out of her seat.

“Do you have a lunch?” she asked Ethan, looping her arm through his.

“No. No money,” Ethan shrugged. “My cousin said he’d bring me something though. He’s in grade five.”

“I wish I had a cousin like that. All I have is a stupid uncle who comes to give my mom weed and meth when she can afford it,” she said.

“We can share my food,” Ethan said, leading her over to where a skinny boy with glasses and suspenders was reading. “Hi, Oliver.”

“Hey, Ethan,” the boy smiled, digging through his backpack. “Who’s that?”

“This is Lex. She’s my friend.”

“Best friend,” Lex corrected.

“Best friend.”

“Cool,” Oliver gave him a plastic bag. “Call me tomorrow if you need more.”

“Thanks Ollie!” Ethan grinned. “Love you!”

“Love you too.”

Ethan and Lex found a quiet-ish spot, behind a big old oak tree, where they could be alone. Ethan pulled a peanut butter sandwich, two bananas, and a bottle of water out of the bag. They broke the sandwich in half, giving Lex the bigger half, and one of the bananas. 

“I promise I’m not sick,” Ethan said, opening the water bottle. "But you can have all of it, if you don't want to share."

“I don’t care,” Lex shrugged, chewing the bread. “Thanks.”

“We’re best friends. I’ll always share my food with you,” they said.

Lex smiled. “Promise?”

“Cross my heart, hope to die,” Ethan nodded, drawing an X over their heart.

Lex’s face hurt from smiling.

Chapter Text

When Ethan was seven, they realized that they had a problem with their ears.

It happened slowly. They had to ask Lex what the teacher was saying more often, they had to turn up their headphones louder when they worked at the computers in the library, and there was a sharp ringing in their ears all the time. Ethan was pretty sure it wasn’t normal, and they were even more sure they needed help, but there was no one to help them.

Ms. Applewood would have helped them, but she wasn’t their teacher anymore. Instead, Mr. Smith, a dull man who wore grey suits and drank black coffee everyday, taught the second graders. He didn’t like Ethan. They were pretty sure it was because of the time Ethan got into a fight when a boy made Lex cry, but they weren’t sure. They couldn’t go to him for help.

They certainly couldn’t go to their parents. Their dad had been getting more and more angry more and more often, and their mom hadn’t spoken to them in three weeks. Even if they did listen, they’d probably just make everything worse. Maybe their dad would start aiming for their ears. Maybe they wouldn't let them go to school. Ethan had no idea what they would do, so they didn't tell them.

So, with all the adults in their life having failed them, they did what anyone would have done.

They went to Lex.

Lex didn’t know what to do either, but she tugged them along to the library to ask the librarian. 

“We have some books on deafness and American Sign Language, if you’d like,” he told them. “I’m afraid I can’t help you very much unless you’ve got a better idea of what you’re looking for.”

“We don’t. Thanks anyway, sir,” Ethan mumbled.

Lex looked through the books, grabbing three on ASL and two on hearing disorders. Ethan glanced at them, rolling their eyes.

“Lex, we can’t learn a whole new language. We don't even need to. I can still hear,” they pointed out.

“Who says we can’t do it anyway?” Lex brushed them off. “Even if we don’t need to, we can talk in class without Mr. Smith getting mad.”

Ethan had to admit: that was a cool idea. They grabbed a couple books too.

The pair sat at one of the tables and began to read. 

“Look at this,” Ethan whispered, after ten minutes of searching. “Hard of Hearing.”

Lex read over their shoulder. “Hard of Hearing refers to an individual who has a mild-to-moderate hearing loss who may communicate through sign language, spoken language, or both. Ethan, that’s you.”

“Yeah…” they nodded, smiling. “Hard of Hearing. Cool.”

Lex flipped open one of the ASL books to the first page. A bunch of hand symbols were shown, each assigned to a letter. “Let’s practice the alphabet!”

They practiced all through lunch and each of them checked out a book.

“I have to keep this in my cubby, or Mom will find it and then she’ll sell it,” Ethan said sadly. 

“Hear, I’ll keep it in my backpack,” Lex said. “My mom’s at her boyfriend’s tonight, you can come over and we can learn some more!”

“Are you sure? Won’t she be mad if she finds me?"

“She won’t. Even if she comes home, it won’t be until I’m already asleep,” she assured them.

Ethan agreed, and at 3:15, they began to walk to the trailer park. It was only ten minutes further than Ethan’s house, and they made a shortcut through a small hole in a fence to avoid walking in front of their house.

Lex unlocked the door and Ethan stepped into her trailer for the first time. It smelled a lot like their house; weed, alcohol, and a faint smell that told you this place was at one point an actual home. There were beer cans scattered under one of the couches, and burned cigarette butts littering the ground, but the rest of the trailer was relatively neat.

“We can go to my bedroom,” Lex said, looking embarrassed. “Sorry, it’s a mess.”

“It’s great,” Ethan told her. “It’s just like my house.”

Lex’s room was small and painted light yellow, with a twin bed and a dresser and not much else. There were a couple old dolls and stuffed animals laying in the corner, and a basket of clean laundry waiting to be put away.

“Wanna practice some more?”

“Yeah. I think I know the alphabet, let's try some words,” Ethan agreed, taking one of the books.

“L-E-X,” Lex signed. “That’s my name, but it says Deaf and Hard of Hearing people give people sign names.”

“Can I give you one?”

“Sure!” she nodded eagerly.

Ethan flipped through the book. “Here!” They made an L with their right hand and tapped it against their throat twice.

“Why?”

“I like your voice,” Ethan shrugged. “It’s my favourite sound.”

Lex grinned. “Thanks!” She tested out her name a couple times. “I love it.”

Ethan had to leave at five, but they left with their heart a little fuller, and their stress levels a little lower. It didn’t matter if their dad hit them, if they couldn’t get food, or even if they went deaf, Lex would be at their side through it all.

Chapter Text

When Lex was eight, her mom had another baby. 

She didn’t know when she got pregnant, she didn’t even really know if it was her boyfriend or her one night stand from the bar, so Lex had no idea when her little brother or sister would be born. 

She left for school in the morning with her mom complaining about a pain in her stomach. Lex thought nothing of it. With the hurricane of drugs her mom always took, it was no surprise she felt kinda sick.

Lex was wrong. She was so, so wrong.

She came home from school to find her mother passed out on the couch, fresh blood stains around her, the weird guy she’d been dating smoking a cigarette, and the nurse from three trailers over holding a baby wrapped in a dirty blanket sitting at the kitchen table.

“Oh thank god,” the nurse muttered. “Lex, your mom had a baby.”

Lex dropped her school bag, running over with an excited gasp. “Boy or girl?”

“Beautiful little girl. They haven’t named her yet,” she passed her the baby carefully. “You stay here, I’ll run out and grab you some supplies. Don’t put her down and don’t let your mom touch her until she’s sober.”

Lex nodded, clutching the small bundle gently as she stared at her in wonder. “Hello,” she whispered in awe. “I’m Lex, I’m your big sister. I’m gonna take real good care of you.”

Her, no, their mom’s boyfriend left, slamming the trailer door. The baby woke up, crying shrilly.

“Shh, it’s okay, don’t cry,” Lex begged, rocking her. If their mom woke up before the nurse got back, there would be hell to pay. Usually, she wouldn’t care, but now she had the baby to think of. She couldn’t just run away and sleep outside anymore. “Please, don’t cry, it’s okay, I won’t let him hurt you.”

The baby did eventually stop crying and stared up at Lex. Her eyes were a beautiful brown, and her skin was soft. She had a little bit of brown hair, lighter than Lex’s, on her head. She was the most beautiful thing Lex had ever seen.

“You need a name, you know? Mom won’t name you, she’s too drunk all the time.” She thought hard. Ethan had been talking about a book all week, with a main character named Hannah. Lex loved that name. It was sweet, it was soft, and it was simple. Perfect for her little sister.

“You’re going to be Hannah Foster, okay?” Lex told her. Hannah seemed to be okay with it, cooing softly. “Good. My best friend is gonna love you. Their name is Ethan. I’ll take you to meet them later.”

Lex sang songs softly as she waited for the nurse to return. Hannah fell asleep, and stayed asleep, even as the boyfriend returned. He began to count out twenty and ten dollar bills. He offered them to Lex.

“I’m out. Leaving town. I signed up for some casual dating, not a kid.”

“You can’t leave!” Lex protested. “You have a daughter!”

“I can, and I am. She deserves better than me for a dad,” the guy replied, shrugging as he tugged on his shoes.

“She deserves a dad!” Lex cried. “And her name’s Hannah!”

“Kid, by the time she’s old enough to, she’ll be ashamed of me,” he said, cramming a handful of bills into Lex’s hand. “Hannah’s a nice name.”

Lex watched as he left, lighting a cigarette as he climbed into his car. She counted the money quickly. One hundred and fifty dollars. One hundred and fifty dollars was all that bastard gave Lex to take care of Hannah for the rest of her life. Motherfucker. Literally.

The nurse returned soon after, with a couple bags from the grocery store. 

“Thanks, Miss,” Lex said. “How much do I owe you?”

“None. Think of it as a favour. A birthday present for her. What's her name?”

Lex exhaled in relief. “Thank you. Her name's Hannah.” 

“Do you know how to mix and warm up formula?” the nurse asked.

“No, but I can read the instructions,” Lex said.

“Okay,” she wrote a phone number on a dirty napkin. “If you need anything, call me, even if it’s just to ask a question.”

Lex agreed and the woman left. She lay Hannah down on the couch and dug through the bag. 

There was a package of diapers, a couple onesies, and two boxes of formula. Lex grabbed what she needed and hid the rest in her room, along with the money. Her mom couldn’t find it. Lex wouldn’t let her.

She fed and dressed Hannah, freezing every time their mother shifted. Hannah giggled.

Lex wrapped Hannah in the blanket and clutched her to her chest, rushing out the door. She’d come back later, once she was sure their mom would be asleep. She hurried to Ethan’ house and stood under their window. She tossed a couple stones, until Ethan came to the window, pushing it open with a creak.

“Lex, is that a baby?” they asked.

“Yeah. Can you come down?” she called.

Ethan glanced behind their shoulder nervously. “Probably. One second.”

A minute later, Ethan jogged out to join them. “Did you kidnap a kid?”

“No!” Lex rolled her eyes. “This is my little sister.”

“Since when did you have a little sister?”

“Since sometime today,” she replied. “Her name’s Hannah. Do you want to hold her?”

The other eight-year-old looked at her with wide eyes. “Can I?”

“Sure,” she nodded. “Sit down.”

The two sat down against the side of the house. Lex slowly passed the baby over. She squirmed slightly, but relaxed in their arms.

“Hello, Hannah,” Ethan whispered. “You’ve got the best big sister in the world. We’re not gonna let anyone hurt you. We’re gonna run away to California, and you’ll have the best life ever.”

Hannah sighed softly, falling asleep in their arms. Ethan looked ready to cry.

“She’s so cute,” they said quietly.

“I know.”

“What are you gonna do for school?”

“I don’t know. Her dad left me some money. Maybe I can pay for daycare for a while, I don’t know,” Lex admitted. She felt a ball of anxiety begin to coil in her stomach. 

Ethan leaned their head against her shoulder. “I’m here for you. No matter what.”

And just like that, the anxiety began to unwind.

Chapter Text

When Ethan was nine, their mom overdosed for the first time. 

They came home after school after walking Lex home, just to drop off their bag and grab some money so they, Lex, and Hannah could get ice cream. Easy. All they had to do was sneak into their bedroom and leave. They were thinking about what flavour of ice cream they were going to choose, when they stopped dead in their tracks, mouth hanging open. There was an ambulance outside, and paramedics were loading their mom into it on a gurney.

They took off running, reaching for them. “Mom!” they shouted. “That’s my mom!”

One of the paramedics grabbed them before they could get to the ambulance. “Hey, honey, you need to stay back. We’re here to help.”

Ethan stopped, staring in horror. Their mom looked almost dead, with her mouth flopped open and her skin terribly pale. She wasn’t moving. Ethan didn’t take their eyes off her until she was in the ambulance.

“What’s your name?” the paramedic asked, her gentle hands leading them to the steps of the house. 

“Ethan Green. What happened to my mom?” Ethan asked, ripping their hands away from the woman. 

She winced, almost as if she was afraid to tell them. “Did you know your mom was abusing drugs?”

Ethan nodded, breathing out in relief despite themself. They didn’t know what kind, but they knew the drugs were bad. They weren’t an idiot. They stopped believing the “medicine” lie when they were in second grade and a DARE officer came to talk with the class. As long as the paramedics hadn’t found out about their dad, everything was fine. Ethan didn’t want to go into foster care. One of the girls at school had, and she came to school crying for weeks.

“Well, she overdosed on heroin. There might be other drugs involved, we don’t know yet,” the paramedic told them carefully.

“Will she be okay?”

“We found her syringes and blunts, and we got here pretty fast, so her chances are good,” she looked around. “Where’s your dad?”

Ethan shrugged. “I dunno. He won’t be home until tonight. I was gonna hang out with my friend.”

“Well, we’ll be keeping your mom for a few days. Get your dad to come to the hospital when you see him, okay?” she told them, climbing into the ambulance.

“‘Kay.” Ethan agreed, though they knew they wouldn’t see their dad for a while.

They watched as the ambulance sped off before going inside. It was weird not having to be scared to walk through the house. They went into their parents room and grabbed a twenty dollar bill from the drug stash their dad didn’t know they knew about.

They paused, and grabbed more of the money, running back to their bedroom. Their mom just overdosed, she clearly didn’t need more money to spend on drugs. They hid it in one of their socks, shoving the sock under their mattress. For emergencies.

Ethan left, jogging to Mrs. Davidson’s ice cream shop. They knew, logically, they should be freaking out, but for what? If their mom survived, maybe she’d stop doing drugs, or at least tone her usage down. If she died, well… Ethan didn’t want to think about that just yet. They loved their mom, despite her faults. She never hit them, just ignored them. When she was sober, she was nice, always smiling, and spending money on ingredients so they could bake together. She hadn't been sober in years, but Ethan Green was nothing if not hopeful. God, they hoped she survived.

Lex was already sitting inside, Hannah sitting on her lap, playing with a stuffed bear Ethan had stolen from Toy Zone.

“Etan!” Hannah squealed, reaching for them. They grinned, picking up to kiss her cheek. 

“What’s shaking, Banana?” 

“Hey Ethan. Are you okay?” Lex asked, taking Hannah back so Ethan could sit down.

Lex was too damn observant. She always knew if something was bothering them. Ethan considered lying to her, but she’d know. Plus, she wouldn’t judge them. Her mom spent most of her paycheque on alcohol. That was only half a step up from heroin.

“Mom overdosed,” they told her. “Ambulance came to take her to the hospital.”

Lex didn’t give a shit about their mom. “Are you okay, though?”

Ethan smiled. “Yeah. I’m okay. Are you okay?”

“Mom’s out at some guy’s house all week. I’ve never been better.”

Fair enough. “What ice cream are you getting?”

Lex gave them a look. “You know what ice cream I’m getting.”

“Strawberry cheesecake with strawberry syrup and strawberries, I know. What are we getting Hannah?”

“Frozen yogurt,” she replied, giving him some money. “Vanilla, in a dish.”

Ethan made the order, choosing a blueberry milkshake for themself. As they stood, waiting, they looked back at their best friend, who was playing with her sister.

Ethan was only nine, they didn’t really understand romantic love yet, but they understood something for certain. They wanted to spend the rest of their life with Lex Foster.

Chapter Text

When Lex was ten, she cried over Ethan for the first time.

Sure, she had cried with them. She had cried in front of them. But she had never cried because of them. They were kind and careful and gentle, never wanting to hurt her, even if she thought she deserved it. They fought sometimes, sure, but it never went further than Ethan angrily throwing her half of their sandwich and her refusing to talk to them as they ate.

Ethan picked Lex up every day on their way to school. Even if they were too sick to actually go to class, they’d still show up to walk her there before returning home and babysitting Hannah. They’d never once missed a day. Never once, in all four years.

Which was why Lex was so worried when 8:40 hit without any sign of the brunette androgyn. They didn’t even phone her to tell her they were sick. Nothing but radio silence.

Lex walked to school alone, unease filling her gut. Maybe they woke up late and they’d show up in the afternoon. 

The teacher, Mrs. George, did a double take when Lex came into the classroom without her leather-clad friend. She looked incomplete.

“Lex, where’s Ethan?”

Lex felt her heart drop even lower in her stomach. Even the school didn't know. “I don’t know.”

The day continued without any sign of Ethan anywhere. Lex barely noticed when the bell rang and was one of the last ones outside. She took off running across the soccer field that separated the elementary school and the high school.

She found Oliver Heittsúkkulaði, Ethan’s cousin, reading with a couple other girls. They were intimidating, in the way only older kids can be to a younger kid, but if anyone was going to know where Ethan was, it was him. Lex took a deep breath and marched up to them.

“Oliver?” she asked.

He looked up. “Hey, Lex. Where’s Ethan?”

Lex felt like crying, but she didn’t. Not yet. “You don’t know where they are?”

“No.”

“They didn’t come to school today,” she told him. “They didn’t even come to walk me. They’ve never missed walking me.”

Oliver sat up, looking worried. “I’ll go check on them later. Don’t go to their house, okay? Don’t.”

Lex nodded, returning to the elementary side. She had no intention of listening to Oliver. Her best friend was in trouble, she couldn’t just do nothing.

She couldn’t wait for the final bell to ring. She sped off the minute it did, feet pounding on the concrete sidewalk as they carried her to the Green household. Ethan’s bedroom was on the second floor, but Lex grew up in a trailer park, playing in the forest for the first five years of her life. She knew how to climb.

She hoisted herself up on the empty hose holder and jumped up on the lower roof. She climbed up it carefully, sneakers squeaking on the tiles. She peaked inside the window, into Ethan’s room. She could see a lump on the bed. She knocked on the window softly. 

No reply. The lump didn’t even shift.

Lex was known for many things. One thing she wasn’t, and never would be, known for was her patience.

She shoved a pencil under the window and pried it open, slipping inside silently.

“Ethan?” she whispered.

Nothing.

She crossed the room, touching their shoulder, rolling them onto their back. She gasped, stepping back.

Ethan’s face was covered in dried blood. They were cut up beyond belief. They weren’t wearing a shirt, and their torso had blood splatters all over it, purple bruises even more visible on their pale skin.

Lex felt tears well up in her eyes as she shook them desperately, but she refused to let them fall. “Ethan, Ethan, wake up!”

Ethan groaned, eyes opening weakly. “Lex? What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you, you idiot!” she cried, digging through her bag. She learned quickly after starting school that a good First Aid kit and concealer got most teachers off her case. She used them on Ethan pretty often, but usually just the concealer, and occasionally a bandaid. Never something like this.

“I’m fine."

“You’re covered in blood!”

“Oh… right.”

Lex unwrapped an alcohol pad, dabbing at the cut on their forehead. “What happened?”

Ethan moaned, sitting up slowly. “I-I, my dad got, he got pretty pissed last night. I don’t remember a lot of it.”

Lex just nods. She should be at the trailer park, she should have picked Hannah up from the old woman she pays to babysit her, but she couldn't just leave. The woman would understand, surely.

She applied butterfly bandages to Ethan’s cuts as they sat in silence. She could hear someone shouting downstairs, but she didn’t care. She pulled an instant ice pack from the bag and shakes it, carefully pressing it against Ethan’s ribs.

“Lex!” they hissed.

“I know, sorry, I know,” she murmured. She looked at her handiwork. Other than the red stain of blood on their skin, Ethan looked okay. Covered in bandages and bruises, but okay. “Does anything else hurt?”

Ethan looked like they were about to lie but decided against it. “My back.”

They rolled over onto their side with Lex's help and she bit her lip to stop from gasping again. There were ten inch-wide lashes across their pale skin. A couple had been bleeding and had stuck to the sheets. It tore, leaving sticky red liquid on the fabric

“Oh, E…” she whispered, gingerly touching the marks with her fingers.

“I know. My dad’s-my dad used his belt,” their shoulders shook slightly. Lex knew they were crying, but didn’t mention it. She just wiped the blood away and applied more bandaids. 

Ethan sobbed lightly. ”Hurts…”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Lex refused to let herself cry. “I’m almost done.”

The minute she was done, she was hugging them. 

“Thanks for coming over,” Ethan mumbled. “How’d you get past my dad?”

“Climbed in your window,” she giggled.

“I’m not even surprised,” they said sleepily. 

Lex waited until they were asleep before leaving. She wrote a quick note, leaving it on their backpack.

Ethan,

If you aren’t at my house by 8:30 tomorrow morning, I’m skipping and we’re going to the movies with Hannah. No arguing.

Love, Lex

Lex climbed out the window and began to walk home. She only made it three steps before the tears finally fell. She sobbed, images of Ethan soaked in their own blood flashing through her head. Her heart felt like it was being stabbed. She didn’t stop crying until she was almost at the trailer park. No one would question her red eyes, not when she was also coming home late. No one cared.

Ethan was at her house the next morning, at 8:25 sharp.

Chapter Text

When Ethan was eleven, their dad left. And what a load of mixed feelings they had about that.

On one hand, no dad meant less beatings. It meant one less person to yell at them. It meant no more being scared of opening the cupboard for food and no more listening to their parents fight. On the other side, it meant one less paycheque. It meant less food. And, despite themself, Ethan loved their dad. They hated that they did, but they couldn’t help it. 

Ethan watched as their dad carried a box out to his truck. He had already dragged his suitcase and a couple trash bags out, and that box was the last thing. Their mom was asleep on the couch, blissfully unaware that her husband was leaving. Their dad looked back and saw Ethan staring at him. He waved at them with a sick grin on his face before climbing into his truck. Ethan watched as he pulled out of the driveway. They held the letter loosely in their hands. It was really happening. It didn’t feel real. 

Sure, their dad disappeared on occasion, sometimes for weeks at a time, but he always came back. This was different. Ethan knew this was the last time they’d be seeing their dad. He wasn’t coming back.

The truck disappeared around the bend and Ethan finally opened the letter.

Loraine,

I’m done with this fucking house. Don’t try to contact me. I’m going to Clivesdale with Allison from the LC. She’s a better fuck than you ever where.

Ethan cringed. They really didn't want to know about which thirty-year-old woman was better in bed, especially when one of them was their mom. 

I know the brat’s not mine. He doesn’t look anything like me. I’m not going to pay for some poor bastard’s kid to live. Who was it? The fucking mailman? Or that whore attorney, Gary? I don’t care. He’s not my fucking problem.

Good riddance, fuck you

--- Paul Green

Ethan left the letter next to their mom. Their stomach twisted with anxiety as they grabbed their jacket and left the house. Their elderly neighbour saw them.  She had sympathy painted all over her face and they couldn’t find it in themself to be rude to her.

“He’s gone?” she asked.

Ethan nodded wordlessly. Everyone on the street knew. There was no use lying.

“I’m sorry, Ethan.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” It wasn’t. They weren’t.

“If you or your mom need anything, don’t be afraid to ask.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Ethan knew that would never happen.

They began walking. They didn’t know where they were going, but when they looked up, they found themself in the forest. The same place they met Lex for the first time.

Their dad was gone. He might not even be their dad. They didn’t have a dad. They didn’t have a dad.

The numbness was gone almost as fast as it has appeared, just as quickly replaced with nausea. Ethan keeled over on the side of the path, retching. They hadn’t eaten all day, so nothing came up except water and acid. They felt tears drip from their eyes, but couldn’t say if it was from the pain or from the realization. It was all too tempting to just curl up and die there. Who would miss them?

Suddenly, there were hands on them, one rubbing their back, and one under their arm, keeping them from face-planting in their own vomit. 

“Deep breaths,” a soft voice said. 

Ethan did as they were told, breathing in deeply as they squeezed their eyes shut. “Lexie?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Are you okay? Are you gonna throw up again?”

“I don’t think so.” 

She helped them up. Ethan noticed Hannah watching them intently, sitting on the stump. They couldn’t even muster up a smile for her.

“My dad left,” they told Lex quietly. 

She pulled them into a tight hug. She was taller than them still, so they squished their face into her shoulder. She smelled like second-hand smoke and strawberry chapstick, Ethan’s favourite scent. They sobbed lightly.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

“I should be happy, though, right?” they said, squeezing her jean jacket between their fingers. “I mean, he’s gone, so he can’t hit me anymore, so I should be happy, but I’m not.”

Lex was silent for a moment. “Well, when Hannah’s dad left, I was upset. I didn’t even know the guy, I knew he wasn’t good news, but I was still upset. However you feel is just how you feel.”

Ethan cried harder. “Why did he leave? I’m his kid! I mean, I know he doesn't like me, but still!”

“I don’t know, Eth,” she stepped back, wiping their tears. “Me and Hannah were gonna go watch a movie. You’re coming with us.” It wasn’t phrased as a question, more like a statement. Lex wasn’t letting them sit here alone.

They sniffed, wiping their nose on their sleeve. “‘Kay.”

Hannah hopped off the stump and they began to walk towards the mall. 

“Are you sad today, Ethan?” the little girl asked, clutching their hand.

“Yeah, Banana-Split, I’m a bit sad today,” they agreed. 

“Don’t be sad. Webby says it’s going to be better,” she said it with such confidence, they almost believed her. “Tomorrow will come.”

Ethan smiled, swinging her up to sit on their shoulders. “Well, who am I to disagree with an imaginary spider from outer space?”

Lex giggled, swinging her arm around their waist. “You’re a dork.”

“Maybe.”

“You’re my dork.”

“Better. What are we watching?” Ethan asked.

“Night in the Museum,” she replied. “I’ve been saving up for weeks.”

“Dino!!!” Hannah exclaimed.

Ethan grinned at his best friend, all signs of tears gone from their eyes. They were with their girls, how could anything really be that bad?

Chapter Text

When Lex was twelve, a couple boys at school took notice of her for the first time. 

She was walking through the halls of school after the final bell, waiting for Ethan to get out of detention when it happened. She didn't understand. She hadn't done anything. Her mom said if she didn't dress like a slut, no one would touch her. That was one more thing to add to the list of things her mom had lied to her about.

She was in the middle school hallway, with her hair done in a ponytail and wearing a pair of black jeans and a ROXIE t-shirt. She had her old backpack on and she was singing a song quietly under her breath. Nothing about her screamed “I certainly want to be watched right now”.

Despite this, the boys watched her. Lex noticed pretty quickly. She grew up in a trailer park full of weirdos and junkies. She knew who to avoid, who to be careful around, and who was safe. She was raised to be cautious. They were the only people in the hallway, but she was in school, so she figured she was safe.

The boys were older than her, probably grade eleven or twelve. Lex wasn’t scared of them. They looked like trust-fund babies, which meant she could throw a better punch than them, and even if she couldn’t, she didn’t have anything worth stealing.

Still, she glared at them suspiciously, stopping her pacing. They were the kind of assholes Lex saw coming into the trailer at two in the morning and following her mom into her bedroom. She wasn’t an idiot. They were bad news.

“Hey, kid!” They were approaching her. Lex glared harder. They didn’t seem to care.

“We were gonna head to our friend’s house for some drinks,” one of them said. “Wanna join?”

“I’m twelve,” Lex said flatly.

“Yeah, and?” The other slid his arm around her like a snake.

“Let go of me!” she snarled, tearing herself out of his grip and beginning to walk away. She could hide in the girl’s washroom until 4:30.

Lex didn’t see the hand reach out. She didn’t understand why they were snickering. But she felt it when one of them slapped her ass. Hard.

She spun around, cheeks bright red. Her chest felt like it was going to explode, but not in the pleasant way it did when she was happy. It felt like she was suffocating. 

“Wha-”

“How about now?” they loomed over her, pale hands reaching out to touch her again. Lex was pushed against the lockers. Trapped. She didn’t have much on her chest yet, but suddenly there were hands on it, feeling and poking and pinching.

“Fuck you!” 

She slapped their hands away and took off running, not looking back. She could hear them chasing her and felt like crying. She couldn’t though, not yet. She wasn’t safe. The bathrooms were too far away, she’d go to the detention room! They wouldn’t do anything, not with the teacher there. They couldn’t.

She threw open the door. Her favourite teacher, Mr. Houston was there. Oh thank god. 

Ethan looked up at her, surprised. “Lex?”

Lex sobbed, flying across the room into their arms. They caught her, like she knew they would, and held her close. 

“They-they-they, they touched me!” she said, muffled by Ethan’s leather jacket. “I-I-I!” Her voice broke off, overwhelmed by crying.

Mr. Houston was sitting next to them, speaking gently.

“Lex? Who?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Some older guys. They wanted me to go drinking with them and slapped my butt when I said no.”

“Okay,” Mr. Houston stood up, an air of finality about him. “Come on, Ethan, I’ll give you guys a ride home.”

“We need to pick up her little sister. She’s at the kindergarten,” Ethan said, leading Lex out. The boys were just outside, but left immediately after seeing Mr. Houston, who glared menacingly at them.

“Lex,” he said quietly. “I’m only not telling you to tell your mom because I know she won’t do anything. If you need anything, come to me, okay? I’ll help you.”

“Thanks, Mr. Houston,” she sniffed. 

The two preteens got into his truck and he drove around to the other school. Ethan’s arms were wrapped around Lex’s shaking form and they had to bite their cheek to stop themselves from getting angry. They had seen it before, in the seedy bars where their dad frequented, and even in the Lover’s Lane a couple kilometres from their house. Once or twice, some of their mom’s friends had even tried to touch them, only to be bitten or slapped, and then they would run. Ethan hated it. But they never thought it would happen to Lex.

“I’ll go get Hannah,” Mr. Houston offered.

Lex said nothing, burying her face deeper into Ethan’s jacket. She felt like her entire body was on fire. They touched her. She felt dirty. She raked her nails down her arms. Anything, to make it feel like they hadn’t violated her.

Hannah crawled into the backseat.

“Bad day?”

“Yeah, Banana,” Ethan nodded. “Bad day.”

Lex pulled Hannah into her lap, trying to calm herself down. She couldn’t think of the last time she’d cried in front of her little sister. Probably never, at least, not this hard. 

“It’s okay, Hannah,” she sniffed. “Just some mean boys at school.”

Hannah nodded. “I had a bad day too. Webby told me. Bad men. Touching. Not safe. ”

Lex nodded, leaning against Ethan as Mr. Houston began to drive. “Where should I drop you kids off at?”

Ethan spoke up. “The mall. The kid who works at Ciniplex owes me, he’ll let us sneak in.”

“Movie?”

“Yeah, Banana. Whatever movie you want.”

Mr. Houston wasn’t supposed to do this. He was supposed to go to Lex’s house and have a talk with her mom, maybe help her call the police. 

He didn’t.

What he did do was drop them off at the entrance to the mall and insist that Lex take the twenty dollars from his wallet.

“Thanks, Mr. Houston,” she said. The usually energetic girl looked...tired. Like she could sleep for ages. 

“Get yourselves some food too,” he said. “And my room is always open, if you need to talk.”

Lex managed a weak smile as she watched her best friend and sister look at the movies. “I’ll keep that in mind. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Lex. Bye, Ethan, bye Hannah!”

Lex watched as he drove off before joining Ethan. 

“You okay?”

“Not yet,” she admitted. “But I will be.”

“I’m here for you.”

Lex smiled, following her sister inside, Ethan at her side. “I know.”

Chapter Text

When Ethan was thirteen, in the middle of grade eight, they realized they were in love with Lex Foster. They didn’t know exactly when it happened.

Maybe Ethan fell in love when they were having a bad day and Lex skipped fourth period to buy them a cherry cola and a taquito from the 7-11 across the street. 

Maybe it was when she stayed up all night, helping them study for a math test so they wouldn’t flunk the class and get a phone call home.

Or maybe it was whenever she laughed loudly, her hair flying around messily and her brown eyes sparkling. Ethan loved making her laugh. It was their favourite sound.

It didn’t really matter when they fell in love. Ethan didn’t really care. They remembered when they noticed for the first time, and that’s what they cared about. 

Lex was sitting on their bed on one of their days off. Hannah was at school, giving them a rare moment to be semi-normal teenagers, with no kids to look after, and no drug-addicted parents to deal with. Lex was reading The Outsiders , giggling at her favourite parts, and answering questions in her notebook. Ethan was sketching her for art class. The art project was to “draw something that makes you happy”. Nothing made them happier than hanging out with Lex. She was even more beautiful when she was relaxed, and it barely felt like homework. 

“I think you’re like Soda and Dally mixed,” she mentioned, putting down her book to sign. “But I think I’m more like Darry and Dally.”

Ethan smiled, watching her explain her thoughts. She was grinning, flapping her hands wildly as she spoke. They loved her.

Ethan’s eyes widened at that thought. They loved her. More than just a friend. More than best friends. They wanted to kiss her. They wanted to be hold her, protect her. Be with her for the rest of their lives. Fuck.

“Ethan?” she frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

“Are you okay? You’ve been staring at me for like. Five minutes,” she grinned. "Is the Outsiders too boring for you?"

“I’m fine, yeah, sorry, got distracted. Keep talking, sorry,” they blushed. "It's not boring." They wouldn’t tell her. She was their best friend, and Ethan knew she wasn’t into them. They couldn’t throw away eight years worth of friendship just because their stupid heart wanted to.

They kept acting normal. They still hung out with Lex everyday, still babysat Hannah when Lex was at work, and didn’t flirt, or anything. They were best friends, and they always would be. Ethan would be over the crush in a month.

A month later, Ethan was still in love with her. They rolled their eyes at themself, stirring the pot of pasta and jarred sauce. Their mom was out at her boyfriend’s house, and wouldn’t be back for a while, they knew. Her boyfriend lived in a fancy part of town, which meant more drugs, which meant she was going to get high as a kite. Ethan didn’t even care anymore. If she wasn’t at the house, they could have Hannah and Lex over.

They poured the pasta onto three plates and put them on the table. Hannah began to eat slowly. Lex smiled at Ethan.

“Thanks for dinner,” she said.

“Anytime. Probably good to have more than whatever leftovers your mom brings home, right?” Ethan had stolen the box of pasta and the sauce. Hannah had gotten 100% on her spelling test, and they figured she deserved a treat. Plus, they knew Lex had stolen a toy from her job at Toy Zone. It was just how they survived.

“Oh my god,” Lex whispered suddenly, picking up her phone. “You know Deb?”

Ethan did. Lex had a crush on her and Ethan tried their best not to be jealous. “The girl that lives in the apartment building down the street?”

“Yeah. She just asked me on a date!” Lex looked so damn happy. Ethan couldn’t bring themself to be sad. 

“Where? When?” they asked, putting on the excited best friend act.

“Out for ice cream on Saturday!” Lex was smiling from ear to ear. She texted back quickly, hugging Hannah tightly.

“Good news?” Hannah asked, her mouth full of pasta. Neither teen bothered to correct her.

“Yeah, Banana, it's real good news!” Ethan exclaimed teasingly. “Your sister has a date! That means we get to hang out without her on the weekend and eat junk food!”

"Yay!" Hannah giggled.

Lex stuck her tongue out at them playfully. “Shut up, Green.”

Ethan watched Lex tell Hannah all about Deb, stopping to reassure her that it wasn’t like mom’s dates, that there wouldn’t be alcohol, and that she’d be home by dinner. Their heart ached painfully. They wished it could be them that Lex was eagerly planning a date with. It hurt listening to Lex talk about her crush on someone. 

“Ethan!” Lex said.

“Yeah?”

“I said: what do you think I should wear?”

Ethan winced, smiling. “Um… I think you look pretty in that black skirt, and a t-shirt. Maybe one of your necklaces too. The one I won you at the fair last year.”

Her happiness is worth it , they told themself, even as they cried themself to sleep. Her happiness was always worth it.

Chapter Text

Lex and Deb broke up on Valentine’s Day in grade nine. In the middle of a busy hallway during lunch. Deb told her quietly, but Ethan could read her lips. Deb didn’t love her, she was breaking up with her, they could still be friends, right? Lex turned, punched a locker and walked away. Ethan went after her, glaring at Deb.

“Fucking beautiful, Deborah,” they said, loud enough that people’s heads turned. “Valentine's Day. Perfect day to break-up. Fuck you.”

She didn’t reply, and Ethan followed Lex, giving her the middle finger over their shoulder. She had the uncanny ability to slip into the crowd of students, disappearing and staying hidden. Most people wouldn’t be able to follow her, or know the first place to look.

Ethan wasn’t most people. They had known Lex for years. There was only one place in the school she’d go when upset.

They stormed down the hall, past the library, to the farthest end of the school. Right to Mr. Houston’s classroom. They knocked on the door loudly.

“Not a good time!” Mr. Houston’s voice called. “Come back later!”

“It’s me, Ethan Green!” they shouted. “Is Lex here?”

There was quiet mumbling, and then the door opened. Mr. Houston ushered them in, closing the door behind them. 

Lex was curled up in one of the chairs, sobbing into her knees. Ethan couldn’t remember the last time they’d seen her so upset. Suddenly, going back and punching Deb in the face sounded pretty appealing. They refrained. They couldn’t solve problems with their fists. That’s what their dad did. And Ethan was not. like. their. dad.

“I can’t believe she did that!” Lex cried. “I thought she loved me!”

Ethan sat next to her, rubbing her back. “I’m sorry, Lex. That was really shitty of her.”

“Not your fault,” she sniffled, wiping the mascara tears away, only for more to replace them. “Wow, I’m sorry, I’m being dramatic, right?”

“You were dating for like, a year,” they pointed out. “That's a pretty long relationship. Kenny and Gigi only lasted like three months, but everyone was talking about them.”

“Bad breakup?” Mr. Houston asked, rummaging around in his drawer. “With who?”

“Yeah,” Lex nodded. “Deb Leeson. In the middle of Hallway Three.”

“Oh, God, that sucks,” he agreed, pulling a blueberry chocolate bar out of his desk. “Chocolate?”

Ethan and Lex both took a piece. Ethan sucked on his, but Lex bit it. They smiled. They still loved her. She was beautiful, even with puffy eyes, tear-streaked cheeks, and a red nose. She was the prettiest girl they’d ever seen.

“Wanna play hooky? I know you had plans with That Bitch, but I’ll take you out for lunch. Subway?”

“A&W?” Lex asked, wiping her eyes on her sweater sleeve. “Please?”

“Anything you want.” Ethan helped her up, hugging her. She was still a bit taller than them, but they were catching up. “You deserve better than whatever dumb restaurant she was gonna take you to anyway.”

Mr. Houston waved at them as they left. He wasn’t supposed to let students skip, but Ethan and Lex were the Corey and Topanga of Hatchetfield High. He couldn’t stop them even if he wanted to.

Ethan took Lex to the A&W in the mall. She got a veggie burger and a coke, and they got onion rings and an iced tea. They were the only people there, save for some old people. They sat at the corner table and began to eat.

“Thanks for the burger. You’re a good friend, E,” she told them.

“Nine years of sharing my lunch and all I get is “good”?” Ethan teased, sipping their drink. She smiled. 

“Fine. You’re an amazing friend and I’m very lucky to have you,” she rolled her eyes, stealing an onion ring.

Ethan didn’t care what she said. They didn’t care what she stole. She smiled. That was all that mattered.

Ethan didn’t tell Lex about their crush on her until four months later. And really, they didn’t even get the chance to tell her. They were alone again, hanging out at Lex’s trailer and watching Newsies on the TV. Hannah was at a free art class at her school, which gave them two hours of free time before they had to pick her up.

“You’re the Spot to my Race,” Ethan said absentmindedly as Brooklyn’s Here began to play.

“Don’t you ship those two?”

Ethan’s face burned as they stammered. “Um, I mean, yeah, but-”

She silenced them with a kiss. “You’re a dork, Ethan.”

“What?”

“You like me, right?” Suddenly, Lex looked embarrassed. “Otherwise, I’ve been reading way too much into everything. Hannah and Webby thought you liked me too.”

“I, Lex, yeah, I love you!”

“As more than a friend?”

“As much more than a friend.”

Lex’s gorgeous smile lit up the room. “Good.”

She leaned in and kissed them again. “Wanna be my boyfriend? Or girlfriend? Significant other?”

Ethan smiled shyly. “Boyfriend is fine. And I’d love to.”

“I love you.”

That was the first of many “I love you”s. Some were tearful, some were happy, some were said moments before near-death experiences. But all were just as sincere as that first one.

Chapter Text

When they were fifteen, Lex started working at Toy Zone.

It was a shitty job, with weird hours, and $9.15 an hour for pay, but it was a job and it brought in money.

Ethan did odd jobs around town. They babysat kids when Grace Chastity wasn't available, painted fences, and fixed cars. Every penny Ethan earned and half of what Lex did went into an empty coffee can in Lex's closet. They were saving up for something. They weren't sure what yet, but something.

With Lex working, Ethan watched Hannah a lot more. And they realized a pretty big hole in her education.

"We didn't teach you sign language?" 

Hannah shook her head, her braids spinning around and smacking her. 

Huh. Since second grade, Ethan had become better and better at sign language. They were pretty much fluent. Lex was probably even better than them. Ethan had no idea how both of them had forgotten to teach Hannah, but now Ethan had a whole Sunday to spend alone with her. Hannah was smart, way smarter than them, she would pick it up easily.

"Okay, Banana, you know how I'm deaf?" they said.

"Yeah. Lexie says I have to make sure I look at you when I talk, or you can't understand me."

"Yeah, well, me and Lexie use a special language sometimes, so we don't have to do that. We talk with our hands. You wanna learn?"

Hannah nodded, staring at her hands. "How?"

"Certain hand shapes and movements mean different words. Let's learn the alphabet first, okay?"

Hannah copied their hand shapes clumsily. "Like this?"

"That's pretty good! A little bit tighter. There you go!" Ethan grinned. "You're a natural!"

Hannah beamed with pride. "H-A-N-N-A-H. That's my name!"

"That's how you spell it. Do you wanna know your sign name?" Ethan had come up with one when Hannah was two. They held up their left index finger and made an "H" with their right. They touched their right fingers to their left and made four peeling motions.

Hannah copied them. "This is my name?"

"Yep."

"What's Lexie's?"

Ethan showed her, making an L with their right hand and tapping it against their throat. "Like this. Because I like her voice, especially when she sings."

"What's yours?"

They scraped an "E" across their chest with their right hand.

"What's that mean?"

"I don't know. Lex came up with it when we were little. I think she just thought it looked cool."

Hannah nodded, brown eyes wide with wonder. "Can you show me more?"

"What do you want to learn?"

"Everything."

Ethan pulled out one of Lex's old sign books, the one she lied to the librarian about turning back in, and went through the steps with Hannah. 

"Hello, I'm deaf. Are you deaf?" Ethan signed as they spoke.

"No, I'm hearing. I know a little sign language. I'm learning," Hannah signed back uncertainly.

"Good! My name is Ethan. What's your name?"

"H-A-N-N-A-H, or Hannah."

"You're so smart!" Ethan grinned, picking her up and dangling her to make her laugh. "Let's learn some food signs while I make lunch."

Hannah was like a sponge. She absorbed the signs as they taught them. Ethan was amazed.

"Bread and cheese," they signed. "Cooked. Makes grilled cheese."

Hannah bounced happily. "What's juice?"

Ethan signed it. "Juice. Or: apple juice."

"Cool!"

Hannah kept asking random words throughout lunch; table, glass, plate, girl, non-binary, book, sign, happy, sad. She didn't stop until Ethan made her.

"Your hand will get sore, and then you won't be able to show Lex what you've learned," they pointed out, rinsing the dishes and scrubbing at the melted cheese. "Go play with Webby. I'll teach you more tomorrow."

Lex came home at 2:32 in the afternoon and flopped herself down on the couch with a groan. "I hate my job."

"Quit," Ethan suggested.

"Can't, then where would I steal toys for Hannah from?"

"Fair enough," they sat next to her, kissing her cheek. "Bad day?"

"Bad day. There's this weird pedo guy who shops there, like, every day," she grumbled. "He buys all the My Little Pony and Barbie toys and then I have to explain to a bunch of little kids and their parents that we're all out. He's a creep."

"Gross. Is that that Sherman Young guy Oliver told us about? The one who teaches Art at the community college?"

"Yeah," she smiled at them. "Never mind him. What did you guys do all day?"

"Oh, nothing much."

"Ethan Green, you better stop lying to me right now!" she gasped in mock horror, slapping their thigh gently. 

"Nothing! We didn't do anything!" they teased.

"Hannah! Get your ass in here!" 

The seven-year-old peeked into the room, clutching Webby to her chest tightly. "Yeah, Lexie?"

"What did you guys do all day?" Lex raised one of her eyebrows. Ethan thought she looked a bit like Topanga from Boy Meets World. That made them Corey. They thought they were more like Shawn.

"Ethan taught me a secret language!" Hannah replied.

"Oh yeah? And what language would that be?"

"Um..." Hannah fiddled with her hands for a second. "Hi, are you deaf? I'm hearing."

Her mood changed so fast, Ethan swore they got whiplash. "Oh my god!" she spun to face her boyfriend. "You taught her sign?"

"Yeah! She knows the basics, and a few random words she wanted to know," they grinned. "Right, Banana?"

"Mhm!" Hannah rocked on her heels. "My name is Hannah and I'm 7."

Lex squealed excitedly. "I can't believe we never taught her before now!"

"I know!"

Hannah squished herself between them on the couch, staring up at Lex expectantly, holding the book. "Teach me more?"

Lex began to show her different ones, for TV, for spider, anything. Ethan watched fondly, stepping in if they needed them. If they closed their eyes, they could almost imagine they were in their own apartment. No alcohol. No abusive parents. No heroin overdoses and no blood stained couches. Safe. Just Ethan and their girls.

Chapter Text

When Lex was sixteen, in the middle of grade eleven, she dropped out of high school. She started working at Toy Zone more and more.

“If only one of us has a high school diploma, I’ll count that as a win,” she told Ethan. “We need to save up more money.”

Ethan accepted that answer. They hung out less, but every minute Ethan wasn’t at school and Lex wasn’t at work was spent together. Ethan still looked after Hannah most weekends and after school.

And that led to discoveries.

The first thing that clued them in to Hannah being...well, not quite normal, was the way she acted in public. She hated the mall. 

“Banana, come on, we’ve gotta get groceries,” Ethan insisted, holding her hand, trying not to pull. She hated being pulled. But they really did need groceries, or none of them would be able to eat tonight.

“No, no, no!” Hannah wasn’t screaming, not yet, but she was upset and Ethan knew how it would look to mall security if he dragged her in anyway, kicking and screaming.

They sighed, crouching down to her level. “Why don’t you like the mall, Hannah?”

“Too bright!” she said. “Too loud!”

Ethan thought fast, pulling an old pair of sunglasses out of their backpack. “Well, you see these?”

She nodded.

“Well, these were given to me by a beautiful mermaid, down by the ferry, last summer. She told me they were dropped in the ocean by a princess. They’re built specially, to protect whoever wears them. I can let you borrow them, just for today. We’ll zip in and out, real quick, and then,” they lowered their voice to a stage whisper. “Maybe I can convince Lex to let us go out for ice cream tomorrow.”

Hannah’s eyes were wide. “Okay!”

“Great!” Ethan slid the glasses onto her face, and they went into the mall. They didn’t understand, but it made Hannah happy, so they didn’t really care. 

Another time, when Lex picked up an early shift on Sunday morning, and Ethan had to help Hannah get dressed. 

“Come on, Banana, it’s chilly, you need to wear a jacket,” they insisted, holding up one of Lex’s old jean jackets.

“No!” she shook her head. “Bad. Bad. Bad.”

“What’s bad about it?” they asked, trying their best to be patient. They needed a Redbull.

“Feels bad,” she said, crossing her arms over herself. “Not wearing it.”

Ethan knew if they really tried, they could convince her to wear it, but they didn’t have that kind of energy lying around. 

“Okay, fine, okay,” they shrugged off their yellow plaid flannel. “How about this?”

Hannah took it tentatively, rubbing it between her fingers. “Soft.”

“Good?”

“Good.”

Ethan sent a quick thank you up to God and helped her into it. They went to the park and Ethan could hardly stop shivering, but seeing Hannah’s smiling face made it worth it.

The final clue was when one of Hannah’s teachers came to talk to Ethan when they picked her up from school.

“You go play, Banana, I’ll be five minutes,” they said, eyeing up the teacher wearily. They’d had enough experiences with bad teachers to know the look, and this one fit the bill almost perfectly.

“Are you Hannah’s brother?” he asked.

“I’m their sibling,” Ethan replied cooly. “What’s up?”

“Have you heard of autism?”

“I’m not an idiot.”

“Well, then, have you noticed anything different about Hannah?” he suggested.

Ethan thought back to the mall, the way she couldn’t connect with other kids, the way she flapped her hands when she was happy and picked at her wrists when she was upset. They’d chalked it up to weird little kid stuff, but thinking about it now, it did seem a bit off.

“You think Hannah has autism?”

“I think it would be beneficial to her if you looked into it,” the teacher corrected, handing them an information pamphlet. “Call me if you have any questions.”

Ethan walked back towards the Foster’s trailer, half-listening to Hannah ramble about space and the new project they were starting. Their mind was reeling. They didn’t know much about autism. It used to just be an insult used on the playground, usually directed towards him. What would Lex say? They didn’t have the money for a doctor.

“What’s wrong?” Hannah asked.

“Hm?”

“What’s wrong?” she signed this time.

“Nothing’s wrong, Banana. Come on, I’ll race you home.”

She sped off and Ethan jogged after her, their long legs allowing them to easily catch up. They let her win anyway.

“Lexie, Lexie!” she cheered, running into her sister’s arms.

“Hey, Banana! Was today a good day or a bad day?” Lex asked, smiling tiredly.

“Good day!” Hannah said.

Ethan shoved their hands into their pockets, desperate to stop them from shaking. “Hey, Hannah, why don’t you go play in your room for a while? I’ve gotta talk to Lexie.”

Hannah zoomed off. Lex turned to her boyfriend. 

“What’s wrong?”

They handed her the pamphlet. “Her teacher thinks we should take her to a doctor.”

Lex stared at it. “Autism?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh God,” she dropped herself on the couch. “I don’t-we dont have the money for this.”

Ethan bit their lip. “Do we need to get her tested? We could get her the coping mechanism, stim toys or whatever. We’ve never needed anyone before this, why start now?”

“This is different, Ethan!” she exclaimed. “This isn’t us stealing money from a store, or sneaking into the movie. Hannah needs help.”

Ethan felt their heart crack. “I’ll be right back.”

Lex watched the love of her life run out the door and sighed. She pulled herself up and started making dinner. She could hear Hannah talking to someone, probably Webby, in their room. She pulled out her phone. $250 per session, once a week. She couldn’t afford that. Lex felt like crying.

“Are you okay, Lexie?” Hannah asked, making Lex jump. She hadn’t realized her sister had come into the kitchen.

“I’m okay,” she nodded. “Tell me about your day.”

Ethan came back to the trailer an hour later. They slammed a stack of bills on the counter.

“What’s all this?” Lex asked.

Ethan grinned. “Sold my parent’s rings.”

Lex gaped at them. “Ethan!”

Ethan wore their parent’s rings on a string around their neck, under their shirt. They had ever since their dad left. Their dad’s was a nice ring too, gold-plated and smooth. Their mom’s ring was gold too, and had a beautiful diamond set in it. Ethan loved those rings. Said it reminded them of back before their dad lost his job, when their parents didn’t fight and didn’t hit them and their dad would swing them up on their shoulders and their mom would laugh and kiss their cheek. Ethan practically worshipped those rings.

“You sold them?”

“Got a cool $500 on them from the pawnshop,” they said, still grinning like a fool. “I thought it was a good fuck you to my dad. Sold the family heirlooms to pay for my little sister’s therapy.”

Lex threw her arms around Ethan’s shoulders. “I love you so much.”

Ethan grinned again and scooped up Hannah, hanging her up-side-down until she was screaming with laughter.

They were a little lost, a little broken, and a little weird, but they were family, and that was good enough for Lex.

Chapter Text

When Lex was seventeen and a half, Mr. Houston came to the trailer. He stood on the creaky metal steps, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

A couple minutes later, a little girl opened it, dark brown eyes wide and curious. “Hello?”

“Hey,” he smiled gently. “Hannah, right?”

“Mhm,” she nodded. “You’re Ethan’s teacher. Mr. Houston.”

“That’s right. Is Lex home?”

“Mhm,” Hannah opened the door wider. “And Ethan. But you gotta pinky-promise to be quiet, because Mom’s asleep.”

Mr. Houston knew about Mrs. Foster. She was harmless when sleeping. Awake was a different story. He nodded solemnly, offering his pinky. She wrapped her smaller finger around his.

“I promise," he whispered.

She led him down the hall to a small bedroom, where Lex and Ethan were sitting, watching a movie on Lex’s phone.

“Mr. Houston?”

“Hey, Ethan. How are you doing, Lex? Haven’t seen you in a couple months,” he nodded. She looked exhausted, with dark circles under her eyes and pale skin. She was skinnier than he remembered too. His heart ached painfully in his chest. 

“Fine,” Lex said, getting up and offering him a weak smile. She swayed slightly. “What are you going here?”

“Can’t I just visit two of my favourite students when I want to?”

“Not in the middle of July you can’t,” Ethan pointed out, grinning. They shook their teacher’s hand. “How are you doing?”

“I’ve been good.” He dropped a red and black pamphlet into Lex’s hand. “You’re signing up.”

His tone left no room for argument. That didn’t stop Lex from arguing.

She stared at it indigenously . “Summer school?” She laughed. “Mr. Houston, I’m a dropout. I’m not going to summer school. We’re well past that point.”

“I made a case with your teachers. Explained a few things. They’ve agreed to pass you if you go to a few summer courses,” he said, trying to keep himself from pleading. “It’s only four weeks, and you’d be in the same grade as Ethan.”

“Yeah, no. I’m good,” Lex said, pushing the pamphlet back at him. “I’ve got a job. I don’t need a diploma.”

Mr. Houston laughed, but there was no humour behind it. “Yeah, Toy Zone, Jane told me. That’ll get you plenty of places. None of them good.”

She said nothing. Ethan stood behind her. Their eyes were darting between them, and their cheeks were puffed out, as if they were holding their breath. That was a good sign that he should probably leave while he still had her respect. He pressed on.

“You know, Lex, there are actors who started from nothing. Successful ones even. But they all had one thing in common. They took the opportunities given to them. This is a good opportunity.”

Lex looked like she was about to consider it, but then the mask of stubbornness returned. 

“Thanks, Mr. Houston, but I’m okay.”

Mr. Houston sighed. “Consider it?”

Lex glanced at the ceiling for a minute. “Considered. Still no.”

She had made up her mind. There was nothing he could do to change it now. “I hope you reconsider. My door’s always open, even if it’s just to talk.”

“Thanks.” She flopped back on her bed. 

Mr. Houston left, feeling like he’d just failed her. He had failed her. He was her teacher, he was supposed to be able to fix her problems. It felt like Lex didn't want her problems to be fixed. He knew she was going to regret it. She was following the path of her mom, she just didn’t know it yet.

He was sitting in his truck, trying to gather his thoughts, when Ethan Green ran out to him. 

Ethan had gotten taller during grade eleven. They were taller than Lex, taller than Mr. Houston, taller than most of the students. They were still scrawny, but they had some muscle and a fierce glare to keep people away. Still the sweetest kid Mr. Houston knew. They bent down to talk to him through the window.

“Can I get that pamflet?”

“You planning on going to summer school, Ethan?” he joked, raising an eyebrow.

They laughed softly. “Nah. Gonna convince Lexie to go.”

“You are?”

Ethan shrugged, shoving their hands in their pockets. “I hate it, but I know how much a high school diploma can do for you. She deserves to graduate.”

Mr. Houston smiled, passing it to them. “Good luck. She’s a stubborn girl.”

Ethan winked, pushing themself off the truck to go back inside. “I know. I’m dating her for a reason. I love a challenge.”

Mr. Houston didn’t hear from Ethan or Lex for the rest of summer. But he didn’t think he’d ever been so happy to see two teenagers smoking before class as he was when he pulled up to the school on the first day.

Chapter Text

When Ethan was almost eighteen, they graduated from high school, with Lex right by their side. And no one was more surprised than them.

Most of the kids wore nice makeup, if any, with expensive hair cuts. Lex wore her same old eyeliner and eyeshadow. Ethan thought she looked beautiful. No one would ever look at them in the robes and think that they were anyone except Lex Foster and Ethan Green. A modern day Bonnie and Clyde.

Mr. Houston was the first person to congratulate Ethan during the reception. He was accompanied by a beautiful blonde woman and a cute little boy.

“Knew you had it in you,” he said, smiling widely, clapping them on the back. “I’m proud of you, Ethan.”

Ethan grinned back. “Thanks, Mr. Houston. It’s really all thanks to your class that they let me graduate, you know. I owe it all to you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so humble. I know your English mark was over 60%. And your biology mark! 76! That’s good!” 

To anyone else, those marks might be average, or even bad, but to Ethan Green, dyslexic, deaf, Ethan Green, who hardly had a place to sleep, let alone do their homework, those marks were better than anyone could have expected.

The woman extended her hand, a gentle smile on her face. “Hello, Ethan. Tom’s told me lots about you. I’m Jane.”

“Very nice to meet you, ma’am,” Ethan shook her hand. “Heard loads about you too.”

Lex came over, with Hannah, who was dressed in a cheap black dress from Walmart. Ethan could see parents congratulating their kids. Their moms weren’t anywhere to be found. Their heart twinged slightly, but they ignored it.

“Congrats, Ethan!” Hannah said, thrusting a small black box at them.

“Thanks, Banana,” they bopped her nose playfully. “I thought I told you not to let Lex buy me anything.”

“I tried! She wouldn’t listen!” she insisted. “Hi, Mister Houston!”

Mr. Houston laughed. “Hello again, Hannah. This is my son, Tim. He’s about your age.”

As the two kids began to talk, Lex turned to Ethan.

“I’m really proud of you,” she said quietly, kissing them slowly.

They blushed, pushing her hair out of her face. She still looked beautiful, even in the stupid robe and hat. “I’m prouder of you.”

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Green,” she teased. “Did you open the box yet?”

“No. Should I?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, dragging them over to a table. “Open it!”

They opened it and pulled out a set of measuring cups. “Measuring cups?”

“Well,” she smirked. “I figured we’d need them for when we have our own apartment.”

Ethan looked up at her, surprise written on their face. “California?” Just to clarify.

“Me and Hannah packed this morning. We can leave whenever you want to,” she pressed a kiss to his lips. “Will you run away with me?”

“I’d follow you anywhere and you know it.”

“Name a time and place then.”

“I’ll pick you up at midnight.”

“Can’t wait.” She went back to Hannah. Ethan followed, a smile stuck on their face.

Ethan pulled up to their trailer at midnight as promised. A black duffel bag sat in the trunk of the jalopy, holding every dollar they had, their clothes, everything that meant anything to them. It wasn’t a lot. Most of the space was taken up by them emptying all the boxes of snacks into it. If their mom starved to death, then so be it. She wasn't their responsibility anymore.

They had also emailed Mr. Houston. Where they were going, their phone numbers, and a general thank you. They had also promised to send him mail and phone him if they needed anything. Mr. Houston was the one thing Ethan knew they’d miss from Hatchetfield.

Hannah appeared in the doorway, lugging a small suitcase down the stairs. Ethan hopped out to help her.

“Hey, Banana-Split,” they whispered, taking the suitcase and tucking it into the trunk next to their bag. “Where’s Lex?”

“Writing a note and stealing Mommy’s money,” she replied, rubbing her eyes. “I’m tired.”

“Come on.” They helped her into the backseat and wrapped a blanket around her. “You can sleep while we drive.”

“Okay,” she hugged them. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Banana.”

Lex came outside, wearing her backpack and a trash bag. “Hey, babe.”

“Hey.” They smiled at her as she shoved her things into the trunk and closed it. She was dressed in all black, with her favourite jacket and black boots on. She looked amazing. “Ready for an adventure?”

“Of course,” she pressed a kiss to their lips. “Been ready since I was five.”

Ethan got in and started to drive. By the time they were out of Hatchetfield both of the Foster sisters were asleep. Ethan reached over and draped their jacket over Lex. She stopped shivering.

At eight the next morning, they stopped at a Denny’s in the middle of nowhere. Ethan stretched their legs, yawning as they were seated. They were the only people there, save for a trucker on the other side.

“Excuse me, where are we?” Lex asked the waitress, helping Hannah colour on the sheet of paper.

“Just outside of Fort Wayne,” she replied. At their quizzical looks she added, “Indiana. Where you kids from?”

“No where important,” Lex admitted.

The waitress seemed to accept that answer. “What can I get for you?”

Hannah ordered pancakes, and Ethan and Lex shared a skillet and a cup of coffee. The coffee was subpar, at best, but it was caffeine, and Lex didn’t seem to mind.

Looking across as Lex wiped the syrup off Hannah’s face, Ethan knew they’d be okay. They were tired, they were sore, and they were poor, but they had a car full of gas, full stomachs, and each other. What more could they ask for?

Chapter Text

When Lex was nineteen, she went to the Pawn Shop after work. She’d finally had a successful audition two days ago, Hannah was doing well in school, and tomorrow was one of the few days both she and Ethan were free. Hannah was going to be at a sleepover, so they had a date planned. She was ready. They were ready.

“You got engagement rings?” she asked the guy behind the counter. 

His eyes widened. “Do we?” 

“Yeah.”

He pulled a big box out from under the counter. It was filled to the brim with rings. “We got a few.”

The man chatted with her while she dug through the box. “Who’s the special someone?”

“Kid I ran away with.”

“There’s a love story there. Wanna tell me?”

“Why should I?”

“I’m bored. And I’ll give you half off the rings.”

Lex told him. Told him how they met when they were five and became best friends. How their moms were shitty and how their dads left. How they were raising her sister alone. How they ran away the night they graduated from high school. Everything.

“Wow,” the man nodded. “That is a good love story.”

Lex nodded, pushing two rings forward. They matched almost perfectly. They had a knot on the top and were a bronze-gold colour. The smaller one fit Lex. As long as the bigger one fit Ethan, she was set.

She knew using another couple’s failed engagement rings as theirs was bad luck, but she didn’t care. Ethan and Lex were anything but traditional. They had overcome every obstacle anyone had put in their way. They could get over some bad luck.

“These ones.”

“Beautiful,” the guy rang her up. “That’ll be $30.”

“That’s it?” Lex asked.

“We never sell rings,” he shrugged. “Good luck.”

“Thank you.” Lex tucked the rings into her pocket. Her heart beat nervously as she went back to the apartment, as if they’d be able to sense the rings.

“I’m off to the bar, babe,” Ethan kissed her softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Love you!” she smiled. Ethan worked too hard. They worked at a car shop from noon until five on weekdays, and at a bar from nine until one almost every night.

They deserved to be happy.

The next night, Lex took them up to the roof. They lay next to each other, savouring each other’s company in the cool autumn wind.

“Ethan, I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” they mumbled.

“No.” She got up. “I love you. I’ve loved you since we were fifteen. I’m never going to stop loving you.”

Ethan sat up, staring at her in confusion. “Yeah, same. What are you doing?”

Lex got down on one knee. Cheesy? Yes. But it felt right. 

“What are you doing?” Ethan's voice cracked, as if they weren't allowing themself to believe what was happening.

“Will you marry me, Ethan Green?”

Ethan stared at her in shock. “I-I, yeah.”

“You will?”

“Yes!” They jumped up, pulling her up with them. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Lex, God, of course I’ll marry you.”

Lex giggled giddily. She slid the bigger ring onto their finger. It fit perfectly.

“I love it,” they murmured, staring at it. “I love you.”

“We should take a photo for Mr. Houston,” she said.

“Oh, God, okay, I’m crying, this is fine,” Ethan wiped at their eyes. 

Lex pulled out her phone and took a selfie with them, making sure their rings were in the photo. Lex sent it to their old teacher.

LEX: they said yes!!

They slept on the roof that night, curled into each other. The whole universe was against them, but it didn’t matter, because they were Ethan and Lex. What else did they need to know?