Chapter Text
The estate was full to the brim with giggling ladies in tailored dresses and gentlemen in dress shirts and narrow jackets with velvet collars. The ballroom was lively with chatter, music, and dance, and the rest of his house had some form of merriment and gossip in one corner or another.
Captain Rogers stood off to the side in one of his drawing rooms, entertaining himself by listening to an old army lieutenant’s embellished stories of their days of glory. He took a short sip of brandy, and looked around the room.
“I heard that he dedicated his entire life to his wife, and when she died he swore off love of any other,” he heard the harsh whisper from several feet away. Steve frowned into his glass, determined not to look at who was gossiping about him.
“He’s such a wealthy and amiable alpha, but no omega can catch his eye!”
“He surely has his pick of the lot, but he is unwavering in his dedication to his deceased wife. That’s so romantic!” another said. He sighed deeply, trying to listen back into the story from his lieutenant from before but to no avail. The sting of gossip pricked him deeply.
“Captain Rogers?” The question brought him out of his misery. He looked over to see a man he did not know, clearly of beta designation even in a room full of overpowering smells. The man, while in suitable dress, certainly did not look to be of the caliber of many of his guests. He rubbed the back neck abashedly.
“Yes?” Steve asked, putting on a smile and giving the man his full attention.
“I’m so sorry to intrude, but I wanted to thank you for the invitation. I am George Barnes, your new neighbor down in Ashbury Court?” Steve was sure his surprise and enjoyment showed on his face, and he clapped the man on his back quickly in greeting.
“Yes, George, my good man! Welcome, welcome. I’m so glad you could make it!” Steve said, gesturing to the party. “It’s wonderful to finally make your acquaintance after many weeks of writing. I trust your family is here?” He looked around, and his eyes landed on a woman and two children of teen years behind George.
George nodded hurriedly, and turned around to wave to his family. His wife was an alpha woman, and the two children were young enough to not have presented yet. They walked up to him, all nervous smiles.
“Yes, yes, this is Winnie, my wife,” George said, allowing time for Steve and his wife to nod and bow at each other, respectfully. Then he gestured to his children. “James here is sixteen, and my darling Rebecca is fourteen. Say hello, kids,” George ushered. Rebecca did a cute little curtsy and James a stiff bow. He clearly looked uncomfortable.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you all, and welcome to the neighborhood.” He turned to see his army friends had dispersed and he was now alone with the Barnes clan. He turned back to them with a grin. “This may be a bit forward, but I insist on having you all over for dinner until you are fully settled into Ashbury. Would it be too soon to ask for your company tomorrow?” He asked. The shock on George’s face was quite apparent.
“Oh, Captain Rogers, that is far too generous. We are nearly settled, as I sent some men ahead early with our things. It’s mostly a matter of making the new house our home, you know,” George said, stumbling through a bit. Winnie pursed her lips, clearly wanting to input her piece of mind but refrained. Rebecca looked more enchanted with the dancing in the other room and James looked rather pained to be there.
Steve just laughed. “Please, call me Steve, my good man. And I insist; I am far too lonely in these parts and would appreciate some company,” he said. James’ head perked up at his words and he eyed Steve curiously. Just then, he saw Sam walking by and pulled him in.
“Sam, my friend! This is the famed Barnes clan that is taking over Ashbury Court! This is George, Winnie, Rebecca, and James, is it?” He asked, keeping eye contact with the sixteen year old. James frowned, and nodded.
Sam, George, and Winnie started in immediately on the highlights and lowlights of living in the countryside of York. Rebecca seemed to have found a girl her age to converse with, and all that was left was him and James, who looked rather unimpressed with his entire house and party.
“Tell me, James, what are your interests, or hobbies? They don’t appear to be parties,” he asked with a slight of tease, not sure if James would even answer him. James then surprised him with a small quirk of a smile.
“I really enjoy reading,” he confessed quietly, looking around, as if someone was lying in wait to mock him for it. Steve stood back, smiling small. It took him less than ten seconds to make a decision.
Resting a hand on George’s shoulder, he whispered to him that he was going to show James something, and George all but waved him off to do as he pleased as he was enthralled with Sam’s tales of his wild university days. He looked at James and waved him to follow.
“I understand not being a fan of parties,” Steve said, walking him through the crowds with James trailing behind him. “I’m not one to complain, but I confess it is one of the more tedious duties of being a gentleman.” He looked back quick enough in time to see James smile again.
His house was certainly a mansion of old, with high ceilings and beautiful stonework. He was proud to run the Allaheim estate, continuing on tradition that has been in his family’s line for three generations. Many would balk at Steve’s wealth, but he was modest enough to know that it was inheritance and he had to be sensible with his spending in order to keep Allaheim the great estate it has been for the last century.
Much of his belongings and decorations have been in the manor since it was first built, and Steve laid no claim to being a man of luxury. But he would be the first to admit that it was a beauty of a manor.
They weaved through many people, some stopping Steve to thank him for the invitation, or to complement the music. He made sure James was still following him and continued on, eager to show him a dear treasure of his.
He led James down a hallway away from the party, and took his set of keys from his pocket to unlock a door on the left. Before opening it, however, he turned with his back against the door to stare straight at James.
“Now James, I trust your responsibility and accountability if I let you in here, you hear? No bringing anyone in here to snog or swiping anything without my permission, yes?” He asked with a quirk of his mouth, saying the words with enough humor in his voice to convey that he did not believe James would be capable of such things.
James rolled his eyes with a simper.
“I don’t even present for another two years,” he said, mock exasperation and laughing softly. Steve just shrugged.
“Who knows what kids these days get up to,” he said, despite himself only being 28 and not that much older to kids these days compared to many others of his status and wealth. James just rolled his eyes and tried to peak over Steve’s shoulder, despite being a whole head shorter than him.
“Okay, okay, James Barnes of Ashbury Court, I give you free reign over one of my few treasures,” Steve said dramatically, and opened the door. They stepped inside the dark room, shoulder to shoulder, before Steve turned to flick his newly installed electric switch to turn on his lights.
James gasped.
Steve’s library left much to be desired, but he was still proud of it. Since he inherited the house from his father, he changed very little, but the library did not change at all. From floor to ceiling were rows and rows of books, collected by several generations of the Rogers’ of Allaheim. The room was large, which meant his wall-length bookcases held a few thousand books that had been in his family’s possession for decades. The room was of soft browns and coppers, with maps and a globe, and a piano in the corner. He stood back, watching James take it all in.
“Now, I dare say you may be able to find something worth reading in here. I do confess it is one of my favorite places to be,” he said, eyes sweeping over the several worn-in leather sofas and armchairs. The room was a bit cold, being that it was February, so he set to starting a fire in the fireplace so James could explore and read in comfort.
Once he was done, he saw James already thumbing through a few books.
“I trust you can stay out of trouble if I leave you to it? I’ll leave the door unlocked.” James looked up at him, his mouth open and eyes wide in wonder, holding a book tightly.
Steve gave him a warm smile, and turned to go back to attending his party.
~*~
A few hours later, Steve carried a plate of dinner to the library for James. He suspected that George and Winnie would be wanting to leave within the hour, but James had not come out for dinner even though Rebecca was sent to fetch him.
Upon pushing the door open, he found James asleep on his favorite leather couch, curled around a book. Steve set his plate down on the coffee table, and gently freed the book from his grasp to set it there as well.
James was young, Steve knew, but he was still a handsome boy. He would grow into a fine young man. Quiet and gentle, he was sure that he would make his future partner very happy. He had already decided to let James come and read whenever he wanted, and hoped to be a friend and mentor for the boy. Steve didn’t manage to have any children before his wife died, so he was subjecting himself to become the old wealthy neighbor even though he wasn’t yet 30.
He was remorseful to wake the sleeping boy up, but he was sure that James would be hungry.
“James,” Steve said softly, gently shaking his shoulder to wake him. James sighed sweetly before reaching out to hold Steve’s hand. The affection surprised Steve, and despite the nagging feeling to let James sleep, he had to wake the boy up. He nudged him a bit more until James slowly opened his eyes.
“James, I brought you dinner, if you’d like to eat.” James woke slowly, and pushed himself up to sit properly before rubbing his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” James apologized. “This week has been quite hectic, and the fire is nice.” Steve chucked, pushing the plate close to James before standing.
“No worries, my boy. You’re more than welcome to sleep.” Steve went to step away then, but James’ voice made him stop.
“Stay?” James asked, clearly wanting the company. Steve nodded, and eased into the sofa next to James as he ate.
They exchanged small talk, mostly about Red Hook where James grew up. George was a clerk, and received a promotion from the bank he worked at which required them to move to York. James and Rebecca had studied at a local tutor back in Red Hook, but they were unsure as to where they would study out in the countryside.
“I’m sure Sam knows someone,” Steve said, walking over to the bar cart tucked in the corner and pulling out two glasses. He looked over at James. “If I give you a glass, will you tell on me to your parents?” He asked. James shook his head wildly, and made a “give me” motion when Steve poured him a short glass of whiskey. He laughed as he handed it over.
They sat in silence for a bit, enjoying the fire in the fireplace as well as the warmth in their bellies from the liquor. Until James asked in a small voice, “Steve? May I ask you something?”
The older man hummed, and took another sip.
“I couldn’t help but hear the rumors…” James said, trailing off. When Steve looked over, James was clearly avoiding eye contact, cheeks red.
“Yes?” Steve prompted. If James was going to pry into his personal matters from gossip, he may as well hurry and ask. Steve couldn’t blame the poor boy for his curiosity, not like the older persons who should know to mind their own.
“Well, I just--I wondered, are you lonely?” James asked, finally looking up at Steve with his big eyes. They were a pretty steel blue, almost grey.
Steve took another sip of whiskey, mulling over the question. Quite frankly, he was very lonely. He was all that was left of the Rogers line, and his wife had died rather suddenly. It had only been two years since Peggy’s passing, so the pain was still quite fresh. But as an alpha, he had to stay strong and as a businessman he had to make it seem like everything was okay. He was managing.
He could lie, and tell James that he had plenty of company to divert himself with. But the way James was looking at him, so open and honest, he didn’t feel it appropriate to lie to the boy. So he told the truth.
“Yes, oftentimes I am,” he admitted, looking away to the fire. He could feel James still staring at him. “I’ve had the misfortune of losing many important people in my life, from family and loved ones to soldiers I commanded.” He looked back at James, trying to smile but not quite making it. “But I have good friends, both new and old, and I had the pleasure of meeting the Barnes’ tonight which I am confident will cure some of my lonesomeness.”
He meant the end of what he said to be teasing and light, but James set his glass down and crawled up onto his knees, facing Steve.
“I will keep you company, Steve. I won’t let you be lonely too much. You’re so welcoming and kind, a man like you deserves to be surrounded by people to keep him company!” James said with such conviction that Steve at first thought him to be drunk. But the boy was clearly sweet, and cared for Steve so easily. All he had to do was offer some books, and he received James’ friendship.
Steve laughed, shaking his head, and set his own drink down. He clapped James on his knee, and kept their eyes level.
“Okay, James. I trust you’ll take good care of me,” he said, humor in his voice but heart warming at the kindness of this boy.
The sight of his grin, brilliant and beautiful, that split James’ mouth was one that would follow Steve around for many years to come.
~*~
In the coming month, James had turned seventeen. He and Rebecca had been set up with a tutor that Sam knew, just as Steve predicted. The Barnes settled into life in the countryside of York rather nicely. Ashbury Court was a pleasant little cottage that was a mile down the way from Allaheim Manor, and if one took the shortcut through the forest it was but a fifteen minute walk.
Even after the Barnes were fully moved in, Steve still insisted on them dining at his house at least twice a week. The Barnes’ were incredibly pleasant people, and even though George was nearly double Steve’s age, he found him to become a very close friend and confidant. He could honestly say that besides Sam, they all became as close to him as family.
James was committed to his promise, and spent most hours that he was not in lessons at Steve’s. Whether they read together in silence in his library, or rode horseback throughout the hills, or on the rare occasion Steve went into the village of York and had permission to take James, they were together constantly. Steve was determined to mentor James, to show him what it was like to be a good man of society, to be charitable and helpful in whatever capacity Steve could afford. He humored himself in thinking that James saw him in this light.
Even though they were too close in age to be thought of as father and son, Steve liked to think of James like a younger brother, or someone else close to him. It was just so wonderful to have a constant familial presence back in his life.
Months continued to pass and in late summer, Steve was called away on business. James had begged to be taken with, but both Steve and George denied him. James did not speak to Steve the whole two days leading up to his departure. The morning he was to leave, however, James had come running in the house.
He found Steve in the foyer and flung himself into Steve, hugging him tightly and not letting go for several minutes.
“I’ll only be gone two weeks,” Steve said with a laugh, though he, too, felt sad about having to leave James here. “You know you can still come over every day. I’m beginning to think that Wanda likes you more than me, anyhow.” James only hugged him tighter, before finally letting go.
“Just be safe, you pompous ass,” he said bitingly, though Steve just laughed and ruffled his hair. James ran right back out of the house. But as Steve was riding down the road away from his house in his horse-drawn carriage, he saw James atop a hill under a tree they often sat under, watching as Steve left.
Business ended up taking him three weeks instead of two because some dolt of a man fumbled his paperwork. He wrote to James several times, but never received a response. When he was finally home, it was late in the evening. He went into his library to make himself a drink, and there was James asleep on his sofa in front of the fireplace, book in his loose grasp.
The sight pulled at his heart strings, reminding him of their first meeting all those months ago. Even after just three weeks, he could see James start to grow and fill out. It made him sad to have missed even such a short amount of time in these transitioning times of James’ life. When he woke the sleeping boy, James latched onto him and wouldn’t let him go for a whole hour.
It was such a good feeling having someone in his arms again, sitting comfortably with the fire crackling. Every molecule in his alpha body felt the need to protect, keep James safe. Even though it was by no means romantically intimate, it had been so long since Steve had prolonged human contact he just couldn’t make the boy let go.
The months continued to press onward. After that long trip, James seemed to be even more clingy than normal. Steve wasn’t necessarily made uncomfortable by it, but the constant touches were concerning. James was young, and Steve practically considered himself an old man by now. Not to mention, Steve only saw himself as James’ mentor, a friendly neighbor, and secretly in his heart, a member of the family. In November, he sat down with George to discuss the situation.
“Well, Steve, excuse me for pointing out the obvious but you’re an alpha,” he said, swirling a glass of brandy in his hand. “James will be presenting in a few short months when he turns eighteen. Maybe this is a sign of what his body is unconsciously trying to tell us.” Steve sat back, shocked.
“You think he will present as omega?” Steve asked, confused of what to think. If James was an omega, what does it mean? That he was attracted to Steve, solely because Steve was an alpha? But James was so young, and Steve--
He set his glass down before he dropped it, rubbing the growth of stubble on his chin in concern. If James presented as omega, and was naturally drawn to Steve as he was an alpha, what would this mean for their relationship? Could Steve possibly continue to mentor James, even if James wanted him? Could Steve--
Oh, Steve gulped harshly, covering his face with his hands.
Could Steve want James back? Could he ever return his affections?
It wasn’t that Steve had sworn off all others, like the gossip suggested. It was just that, after his mother passed, and then Peggy right after--well, it was too much to handle. Losing those closest people to him shrunk any sort of hunger he may have had for love. No one caught his eye because he was too busy with work and maintaining his estate, and then mentoring--
But oh, James was sweet. He was turning into a handsome and amiable young man. His wit was as sharp as his biting tongue, and he loved teasing Steve mercilessly. If there were anyone that Steve had to choose to spend the rest of his life with, surely it would be James.
But James was still a child, even if he was going to present in just a few months. Steve would not find it appropriate to court an omega right after they presented, even if it was common in this day and age. Regardless of what James presented as, he deserved to explore the world, experience love and heartbreak. Not be chained down by his neighbor, who was ten years older than him. Surely, Steve had already had his go, he already lived his life. James should go out and live his.
“You’re clearly giving this a lot of thought,” George said, amused. Steve took several moments to himself before deciding.
“I think,” Steve said with a heavy sigh, “whatever his designation may be, it may be smart of me to draw some space between us.” George watched him for a few short moments before nodding, and finishing his drink.
“If you think it best,” he said. And Steve did, at least at the time.
Coming up with reasons to be away from James became increasingly hard. And as young as James still was, he was smart. He knew that Steve was up to something, and regularly called him out on it.
Steve would make work a frequent excuse, telling James to entertain himself because he had papers to file and letters to write. James retorted back that Steve had never been so busy. The boy took up Steve’s sofa in his office to read rather in the library as usual, and spent the entire time glaring at Steve as Steve wrote random letters and pretended to look busy.
He called on Sam more often, making excuses to run errands around the village. James would insist on coming, and Sam would laugh and laugh while Steve fumbled around looking for things to do.
James was still young, though, and broke down crying one evening when he accused Steve of avoiding him. Steve felt so bad he indulged in James’ every whim for a whole week, taking him shopping for an early birthday present, going for long walks in the snowy forest surrounding their houses, and even going on a long carriage ride. James had practically crawled into Steve’s lap on that ride, insisting that it was cold and that they had to huddle together under a thick wool cover to stay warm.
Steve realized how wonderful it felt to have James in his arms. The alpha part of him was immensely satisfied with the task of keeping James warm, and entertaining him with stories and small talk. James looked so happy, then, and Steve just wanted to keep that happiness there forever.
It was then that he had decided that he had to take serious measures to draw distance between them. He was not only becoming a poor influence on James if Geroge’s prediction was right, but he was putting his own heart up for sacrifice. He could not bear to let himself taint James in such a way.
He met with Sam, and the two of them decided to go away to town for a while. There, Steve reasoned, he could get much work sorted before his usual busy time in the spring, and he could call on many people he hadn’t seen in ages.
When he told the Barnes’ about his trip over their usual Friday suppers, James was steely and quiet. He withdrew himself from the meal early, and retired to his room for the rest of the evening. He would not even emerge when Steve knocked to say goodnight. It hurt Steve deeply, but he knew it was the right decision to make.
On a cold January day, he and Sam were packing up the carriage when James came. He didn’t run in like a tornado like the first time, nor did he hold onto Steve like he never wanted to let go. He looked like he had been crying, and he was a bit pale. Steve wanted to cancel the trip just from looking at him, his heart aching at the sight of the boy.
James did his best not to actually look at Steve, instead intent on staring at his shoes while he hugged himself tightly from the cold. Sam retreated back into the house to give them some privacy.
“I just wanted to tell you that, uhm, I understand,” he said, his voice cracking. Steve felt his throat close up from the broken sound. “I’ve decided to study abroad this summer, in France. So I’m not sure when I will see you again. But,” he said, and like he was betraying his entire body, those steely blue eyes looked up at Steve. “I wanted to tell you, to be safe and uh, have a good trip.”
It was a defining moment for Steve, just then, to take a deep breath and smile, and tell James that he would miss him, and to wish for James to be safe this summer also. He promised he’d write, and then he pulled James into a hug. James did not hug him back immediately, but he did sob softly into Steve’s shoulder. When Sam finally came back out, shoes noisy on the gravel, James tore away from Steve and ran back home.
This time, when he was riding down the road in his carriage, James was not waiting under the tree.
It was then, from the feeling of his heart ripping itself in two at the empty hill and the realization that he would not see James’ smiling face for some time, that he realized he was in love with the boy down the road.
~*~
Steve ended up staying three months in town. There were enough parties and company to keep his mind off of James for the most part, but James’ tears plagued him still at night. When he gave himself time to think, or even when he was alone long enough, he felt a hollowness in his chest and he knew it was because of what he’d done.
He wasn’t sure when it happened exactly--maybe even the first night they met--but James had carved himself a perfect little place in Steve’s heart. He felt the boy’s absence almost more greatly than when Peggy left this world, which scared him nearly to the brink of his sanity.
He exchanged letters with George frequently, and though he wrote to James his letters would go unanswered. It was the end of March, nearing the end of their intended stay, when Steve received the letter from George declaring that James had finally presented.
James was an omega.
When reading the words, Steve felt his entire body heat, his blood boiling. His hands trembled and he had to set the letter down quickly before he accidentally tore it. The thought of James presenting as an omega--going through his first heat, alone without Steve there, sent his mind spiraling. It wasn’t for several minutes that he realized he was going into rut.
It didn’t make sense why this news threw his body into a rut. He hated himself every second of it, thinking of the newly presented omega. His stomach rolled at the disgust he felt for himself, almost calling to rush his journey home several times before he finally talked himself out of it. In the end, he had closed himself off for five days before his rut finally broke, despite it being far too early and lasting far too long to be normal or regular.
After confiding his troubles to his friend, Sam suggested taking a tour of the western side of the country to buy him more time. Steve agreed.
He wrote the letter to James with a shaky hand, feeling sick with himself about his body’s reaction to the news. He did his best to congratulate James on his presenting, and told him that Sam was insisting to extend their travels. He didn’t even feel a drop of shame blaming the whole thing on Sam, because he couldn’t go home, not now. Not with a fresh omega. How sweet he must smell, Steve thought, and then promptly felt sick with himself.
He wouldn’t receive any mail as they were traveling. Despite trying to keep his mind off of James to the best of his and Sam’s abilities, he still fell into a sad state. Sam did his best, and he would be eternally grateful for his kind friend.
They did make good memories, and Steve spent a great deal of time walking along the coasts and pathways though forests of where they traveled. He was with a friend, a brother, and he was determined to make the most of it.
By the end of April, they finally returned. This time, there was no sleeping boy on his library sofa. Steve’s bed was cold, and smelled of fresh linen. His servants greeted him kindly, but there was only one person he wanted to see. But how unfair of him to want to see James, when it was his own doing of separating them.
The next day, George called upon him.
They were having tea in his drawing room when George dealt the blow.
“James headed to France early with Rebecca,” George said gently, a knowing look on his face. This time, Steve did drop his glass and cursed at the mess he made. He reluctantly called on Wanda to help him clean the mess, as his crushed spirits left him useless. “They will be staying with my cousin that lives there until his semester starts, and he will be in the school dorm for the duration for the summer.”
Steve nodded, not even trying to keep his voice neutral in the company of his friend.
“And how long will he be gone?” Steve asked, desperate, heartbroken, but knowing he deserved it.
George hesitated. “August,” he said. And it was the final blow. Steve did his best to keep himself together, and George patted his shoulder and excused himself. Steve cried all night.
He wasn’t sure how he made it through the summer months, but he did. His friends were good enough to entertain him, and George and Winnie would read James and Becca's letters on their Friday night dinners. Steve continued on, and convinced himself that he overcame this blunder of his heart. James would find a fine partner in France, perhaps. Or, he would continue exploring the world. The thoughts meant to ease his heart into acceptance of these facts just left him numb.
He found himself painting and drawing a lot. And despite trying his best to paint the wildflowers in his fields, or the tree he and James always sat under in good weather, he ended up drawing the omega. He couldn’t help but imagine his smile, his mischievous eyes, and his bright laughter when he was teasing Steve. Over the weeks and months, he felt the raw pain turn into a numbness in his chest that haunted him.
He tried not to examine it too closely. Why on earth was a boy’s absence more devastating to him than his own wife’s passing? He felt like such an awful person, an awful husband and alpha. Peggy had once been the light of his life, and now he ignores her memory in favor of this boy he’d only known two years.
His depressive state grew to its peak sometime in July, when Wanda had to beg him to get out of bed and have a bath, walk his grounds, and attend to his business. He only managed to do it because she was a beloved friend, and he couldn’t say no to her gentle pleas.
By August, then numbness hadn’t left him. Sam would shake his head of Steve’s appearance; ragged, beard overgrown, dark circles around his eyes. Some days he refused to leave his house, and would sit in the dark of his library for hours reading by the light of the window.
It was there that James found him. Wanda came in first, to present James’ arrival. Never before did James need an introduction.
He was beautiful, though. He must have grown some, for he was standing tall. His hair was longer and pulled back into a knot behind his head. His shoulders were pulled straight, and he stood tall. He had earned himself a bit of muscle, but he was still long and lean from years of running as children should. Steve wanted to weep at the sight of him.
“Gods, you look like shit,” James said, and Steve laughed then, all the tension draining away from him. They were still Steve and James, still friends, even after eight long months of separation. How his heart had grown heavy with worry, but now he was light.
He rushed to hug James, but just as he pulled the boy into his arms did the smell hit him.
The sweet smell of an omega. James, an omega. He smelled delightful, like a sunny and crisp country morning. He smelled like spring wildflowers and the warm sun on Steve’s skin. It was heavenly. James always fit perfectly in his arms, but this was different. He felt himself stiffen, frozen between wanting to pull him closer and needing to push away.
Steve pulled back, forcing himself to look happy. They met eyes, and James looked slightly surprised, but he quickly knocked their shoulders together and started making fun of Steve’s appearance. Steve could do this, he thought. He may never have James’ affection, but as long as he had his friendship, he could live a happy life.
It took only days of relearning each other for them to fall back into an easy routine. He did not see James nearly as much as he had this time the year prior, but Steve would take what he could get. They were still a bit awkward sometimes, many things going unsaid, but they were managing.
They still had their walks, and their occasional ride on Steve’s horses across his estate. Wanda would give him such a knowing look whenever James would leave, Steve watching the door long after he had left.
Their relationship was muted in comparison to what it once had been; they used to be so vibrant, so full of life and affection. But this was for the best, Steve told himself. This way, James could live his life, experience all of the wonders that the world had to give, go off for college, and hopefully find a good partner and life.
And he was happy. James seemed happy, too. He was still the firecracker he had always been, and still pilfered Steve’s library as his favorite thing was still a good book.
In October, however, George once again dealt news that crippled Steve.
“They’re getting rid of me,” George said, glass full of Steve’s best brandy, George’s favorite. At the news of George losing his job, Steve immediately offered employment, insisting on hiring George instead, but the man just shook his head.
“My friend, you have been far too generous to us these few years. I could never go so low as to take your money. What kind of man cannot provide for his own family? I won’t allow it.”
There was nothing he could say to change George’s mind.
James, now his own man, would have to find his own way. The Barnes’ had enough money saved to tide them over through the winter, but come spring, they had to leave to find work elsewhere.
Steve was devastated.
This was a family, his family, and he would once again be left. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to his friends, his family.
He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to James.
It was clear that James and Becca did not want to leave the countryside of York, though no opportunities for employment cropped up despite his and Sam’s insistent digging. The inevitable became a looming cloud over them, and what was once merry Friday night suppers turned quiet and uncomfortable. Steve didn’t know what to do to help.
The idea popped into his head one afternoon he was out with James. They had his hunting dog, Lucky, out on the lawn and watched him chase after the ball James kept throwing for him to fetch. The leaves were turning and Fall was upon them, a gentle reminder of the cold winter to come. James was already bundled in a coat, and he looked beautiful in the bright afternoon sun.
Steve, not spending a single second to think, said the words as they came to him.
“Marry me.”
James turned to look at him, eyes wide and mouth open. Lucky came running back with the ball in his mouth, and dropped at James’ feet. He did not bend down to pick it up.
“What?” James asked, voice high. Steve sighed, putting his face in his hands where he sat under the tree on the hill.
“I’m sorry, please don’t say anything. I know I am a complete ass for even asking you.” He took a deep breath, and looked back up. James fell to his knees and crawled over to Steve.
“James,” he said, taking his hand. “I know you could not have feelings for me, which makes it completely insane that I am even asking this of you,” James’ mouth opened to speak but Steve cut him off. “I’m sorry, do not feel as though I am trying to command you, or to persuade you. This is your decision. I just wish--” he stopped, swallowing his words of affection. “I wish to help your family. You are all so important to me, and I want to give you any help I can. But your father will not take it. So I just had this stupid, crazy thought, that if you--”
“Yes,” James said, promptly shutting Steve up. Steve looked at him, completely baffled.
“What?” He asked, voice doing funny things. James smiled at him, and scooted closer, taking Steve’s other hand in his.
“Yes,” he said, like it was the simplest word in the world. “I’ll marry you.”