Chapter Text
Vanya got home that night and her body plummeted down onto the couch. Her body was feeling the weight she had carried all the way home from the Academy. Her head pounded as she sat down on her sofa. Sighing, she yanked her boots off and let them clunk onto the coffee table.
How had everything gone so wrong under the space of two hours?
All she wanted to do was help. So many questions had been swirling as she had rode in the taxi home. What had Patrick said? Had he told lies? Had she gone too far? The conversation seemed like it was going so well. Cordial, she would’ve called it. What had happened in the time between hanging up and getting to the house?
Her head pounded worse and Vanya fought off the nausea as her stomach swirled uncomfortably. Vanya pushed herself up and went to boil the kettle hoping a cup of tea would settle her stomach and her head.
As the kettle began to whine, Vanya couldn’t get the image of Allison’s face out of her head. The hatred, anger and betrayal she clearly felt were so prominent as Vanya stood confused at first. It hurt her to think that she could have cost Allison her daughter. What would happen to Claire now?
Memories from the past few months of Claire begging to stay longer or for Allison to come with her rushed painfully into Vanya’s mind. Tears stung painfully as the kettle become louder and Vanya didn’t try to stop them falling onto her cheeks. What had she done? She had only ever meant to do good, to help her sister. The idea that Claire wouldn’t see her Mom now had Vanya lash out as she threw the cup violently into the sink.
Vanya fell into a series of sobs that racked through her body and she didn’t try to compose herself. Her tears just continued to fall and all she could think about was why, when it came to her family, did she always mess up so bad?
Sensing her distress and her sorrow, a little hand pushed against the top of her bump. As if to reach out and comfort Vanya. Vanya smiled as her eyes began to ache and her nose dribbled mixing with her tears.
Putting a hand on where the hand had been she caressed the spot and smiled “I know, I’ve still got you.” A very familiar and icy voice crept into her head there and whispered You have your daughter, but how much longer until you hurt her as well?
Vanya fought the voice off. No one, including herself, was going to hurt her daughter. She would make sure of it.
Wiping away her tears and clearing away the broken cup, Vanya held onto her belly as she did so as if to let her know that she was there holding her. Her little movements slowed as Vanya rocked slightly as if she were rocking her to sleep. It must have worked because the little kicks stopped and after a little twist of the baby body, as if turning over to sleep, she ceased to kick for the rest of the night.
When Vanya landed in the bed that night, she wanted to send a text to Allison. But, she knew Allison wouldn’t respond. Or she would and she would lash out again. Quite frankly, Vanya couldn’t handle another lash out in her exhaustion. Vanya needed sleep. Adjusting herself in the bed, she went to close her eyes but just as she did her phone began to vibrate on her drawer.
No, she thought. It was nearly half an hour past midnight and Vanya had several violin exams tomorrow. It continued to vibrate and Vanya tried to sleep through it. After the fourth series of vibrations, Vanya groaned irritated and snatched her phone swiping and nearly slamming the phone into the left side of her head.
“Diego! Leave me alone, I’m not listening to you tell me how awful I am and-“
“Vanya, I don’t think that! I don’t believe you said anything to Patrick that was out of line. It’s not like you.”
The comment took her off guard and Vanya wasn’t used to not being persecuted by her siblings for something she had caused.
“Right.” Vanya said unconvinced
“You don’t believe me.”
“It’s not often I’m not blamed after having caused more suffering for one or all of you guys.”
A moment of silence passed between them before Diego spoke again
“I’m gonna try to talk to her. She’ll come around.”
“Ok, good luck with that.”
“You could be a little more enthusiastic Vanya, this-“
“I might have just cost my sister probably her only time with her daughter. My baby isn’t born and the thoughts of being away from her is too much to bear. Let’s just say enthusiasm isn’t my priority right now.”
A sigh from Diego had Vanya understanding he had no argument back to that.
“I’ll fix this. I won’t let you be isolated from this family again.” There was an unfamiliar shake to his voice that Vanya hadn’t heard before.
“Diego-“
“No.” was all he said.
“I have to go to bed. Goodnight.”
“Vanya?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m always here for you”
Vanya’s bottom lip wobbled as she mustered up a watery smile “I know you are.”
They ended the call there and Vanya’s heart eased slightly as she sank back down into her slumber.
****
The next few weeks went by in a blur. Vanya tried to concentrate on getting her student’s ready for their examination. Between an aching back and swollen ankles and the leering anxiety over her sister’s silence still, Vanya went home every evening and collapsed into her bed. Waking up an hour later, ordering food and going back to bed. The baby was getting restless as Vanya entered her eight month. As her due date neared, Vanya added the finished touches to the nursery with the addition of a white Wicker rocking chair with a dressing table to match. Plush animals and storybooks lined the bookshelf that also held the stacked blankets, shoes and a framed picture of the latest baby scan with little stars and bears around the frame.
It had come together so well and Vanya couldn’t wait for the final touch that would be the baby, hopefully, sleeping in the crib her brothers and sister had helped her build. Vanya was currently trying to organise the little outfits and diapers into the drawer she had built herself earlier that day. The endless supply of rompers and diapers was endless so when the lady at the checkout had told her they’d run out fast she had bought four more large packs.
Vanya wished that Allison was with her then. To reassure, agree or even just to have been there with her. It was in moments like this where a piece deep inside Vanya longed for a mother figure in her life. Someone to guide, teach her and just be that concrete support that didn’t waver. Someone who would be there for Vanya unconditionally. Vanya felt a pain in her chest at the thought of her brothers and sister. Not seeing them and slipping back into how it used to be. Vanya feared that pit of loneliness and despair.
But she was making that choice not to crumble. With the baby’s imminent arrival, she was realising she had to pull herself together and counting herself grateful for what she did have. A home, friends, a beautiful daughter on the way and a steady job. Vanya would put aside the yearning and hurt she felt to make sure she didn’t compromise the nurturing, reliable and safe environment she wanted to create for her daughter.
Thinking of the names she had in mind distracted her and the light blue onesie with moons and stars slipped from her hands onto the floor. Sighing, Vanya got herself ready to haul herself in a bending over position to pick it up. However, she got halfway before an excruciating ripple moved across her abdomen. Vanya let out a strangled gasp before holding out a hand for the cupboard and stumbling to the floor.
The nursery became a faded and blurred sight as her head began to spin. Closing her eyes and trying to steady herself, Vanya took several deep breaths. Fighting off the nausea building in her mouth, she looked for her phone and tried to ignore the following painful ripple as she slid her phone out of her pocket. Vanya rolled slightly onto her left while she swiped through her phone looking for her brother’s name.
Vanya hear the dial ring for a few minutes before she called again. Same thing, no answer. Again and again she called, but she still could not reach her brother. After the fifth time, she decided to leave a message.
“Diego, can you please come get me? I don’t know what’s happening.” Vanya could feel her throat start to constrict and her eyes well up. “Please come get me. I think there’s something wrong with the baby.”
Desperate and no sign of the pain subsiding, Vanya tapped onto her sister’s name on her phone and she was met with the same problem. The sound of the dial began to build in her ears each time and the anger was bubbling. Suddenly, the cream curtains were swaying. Vanya began to panic and had to ignore what was happening and take deep slow breaths. Eventually, they stopped and Vanya pulled herself up and dialled Jake’s number. Finally, someone answered
“Jake?”
“Vanya? What’s wrong?”
“Can you please bring me to the hospital? I don’t know what’s going on.” Vanya held her belly as the baby trashed inside her belly. Vanya prayed, like she never had before.
Please don’t take her.
Please.