Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It had been two weeks since the Masquerade Ball; two weeks since Sarawat and Tine finally cleared up all confusion and misunderstandings that lasted for way, way, too long.

It had been such a turbulent journey that Tine almost couldn’t believe that they had made it this far. But they did. And now, it felt like they had reached some sort of understanding. But in all honesty? Tine was terrified.

He had been terrified the moment he heard Wat’s confession—as if he felt that at any moment, Wat would take all those words back and leave again. He supposed it would take time to build up the trust he once had in Wat. He knew they could work out differences whilst dating, but he couldn’t take the chance. Mutual feelings weren’t enough to suddenly make up for the distance that their misunderstandings had caused.

Fortunately, Wat had easily agreed to the decision of them starting slow, building back up the foundation of their friendship first.

Before they could start from anew completely, to build everything up together again, Sarawat was called away for work. He had to go overseas for a model campaign, they were both working adults with busy careers, but they were in such a fragile stage of their relationship, they had only just began to see each other clearly.

The truth is that Tine misses Sarawat. Sarawat had to leave as soon as they had made up, and honestly if that wasn’t enough evidence that the universe was against him then he didn’t know what else was. He was currently in Rome, he had sent a private snap to Tine, of him sleeping on the plane, with his cheeks squished against his neck pillow (and if Tine had thrown his phone because he couldn’t handle how cute he was being? Well that was his business.) and then as soon as he arrived, he received another picture of the Italian weather. Even with the distance, they had been messaging all week. Both would send random memes, or Wat would comment on the fashion shows he was attending, and even to Tine’s delight they had revived their old tradition of calling each other every night. The first night it had been a complete surprise—

(“Wat? Isn’t it like 6pm for you, don’t you have a schedule today?”

“Hmm, I just wanted to hear your voice, is that such a crime?”

Tine had blushed deeply, thanking the universe that this was a phone call and Wat couldn’t see his face.

“Wait, now I miss your face as well, we’ll just have to FaceTime now.”)

Sarawat had filled him in on the show—then they just spoken about everything and anything. The awkward pauses were to be expected, but now instead of a cold Sarawat looking back at him, he had a fond look  and a lopsided smile as he stared back.  

Wat continued to call Tine at midnight, regardless of the time difference in the different countries he visited. He wouldn’t let his tiredness stop him, if he were too tired- Tine would just talk at him, filling him in memories that he hadn’t been present in. Wat was trying- as he always had before to show Tine that he mattered to him, and the warmth in Tine’s heart continued to spread. If they could continue to try and find themselves again, maybe their love would be enough to fix this.

Now it had been exactly two weeks since he had seen Wat and as silly as it was, he missed him. Out of pride, he hadn’t really asked Wat when he was coming back, he didn’t want to distract Wat from his work or make him feel bad  so instead, he sent him a funny meme as soon as he woke up captioning it ‘a good morning present for you’ and much to his annoyance he was left on read. He realised the other man was probably very busy or just forgot to message back, but Tine’s brain began to do what it did best- overthink.

He distracted himself by finishing his essay, which really wasn’t the most uplifting thing to do but it preoccupied his mind the most. Still, he couldn’t help but glance at his phone waiting for a notification from a certain someone to light up his phone so much so that he had to throw his phone onto his bed to stop himself from checking. It had been a few hours of reading about environmental law and trying to reach the essay’s word limit until he called it a day. It was 6pm, and really that was enough time for someone to text him back. Yet, his notifications remained Sarawat-less. He huffed and threw his phone onto his bed once more and left his room in favour of preparing a bare minimum meal.

“He has no obligation to message me every day,” Tine mumbled to himself. “But it would be nice for him to have at least liked the message I sent him or something- is it really that hard?” He rolled his eyes. Whatever.

Tine walked towards the kitchen, not feeling up to making a full meal, so he settled on ramen. He really did need to go grocery shopping and take this adulting business seriously. As he went to put the kettle on, he jumped as he heard his doorbell ring. He wasn’t expecting any guests nor did he order anything… maybe his friends got bored and decided to turn up at his without telling him? He wouldn’t put it past them.

Walking towards the door, he was already ready to fight them—but if they brought food, maybe he’d be willing to fight them another day.

He opened the door, fighting words on the tip of his tongue only to be cut off by a full of food held up at eye level and only one person behind it.

“Special delivery for a Mr. Tine?”

The bag moved to reveal a very smug Sarawat. Tine blinked, noticing that his hair was a mess, eyes puffy suggesting that he had been asleep not that long ago.

“What are you doing here?! Did you just get here, why are you not in Europe somewhere? You said you were coming back tomorrow?”

“Oh, I’ll just go back then, shall I?” Sarawat teased gently, his smug look becoming softer.

Wat began to walk away until Tine grabbed his arm with both hands.

“No- I just mean, you just landed right? Aren’t you tired, it must’ve been such a long flight, Wat. You should get some rest, you didn’t have to- “

“You’re right I’m tired,” Wat interrupted. “It’s been a long week, and I would like nothing more than to be in bed right now… but there’s one thing I’ve been looking forward to all week.”

Tine looked at him in confusion, waiting for Wat’s response.

Wat huffed and rolled his eyes fondly.

“I’ve been wanting to see you.” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in this world.

He gently moved Tine back so he could make his way inside, walking towards the living room so he could set the food on his coffee table.

Tine watched him, still stunned by his confession. He was shaken out of it when Wat looked back, eyebrow raised, waiting for Tine to close the door and come sit with him. Tine felt like he was experiencing form of emotional whiplash; being annoyed at Wat’s regard for his own health and being completely touched that Wat wanted to see him and walked around his place like he was completely familiar with Tine’s new house. Tine couldn’t even process that instead of going straight home and resting, Wat had wanted to see Tine this desperately and he had even bought dinner for him.

“You said you’d been eating ramen for dinner for 3 days now, I knew I’d have to buy some actual food for you.” As Tine sat down, Wat smiled at him with his lopsided smile as he shook his head at him, “You’d be having ramen again, if I didn’t come right?”

Tine looked away in slight bashfulness and tried to change the topic, “How long was the flight? Did you sleep on the plane, your eyes are so puffy—you can sleep upstairs if you want to.” He said whilst eating a big mouthful of food.

“I’m fine, nuisance, I came to see you, anyway. I won’t leave without playing FIFA with you- after you won last time my pride took a hit.” He said with false sincerity. Tine laughed at the other man’s childishness.

“Fine, eat quickly then. Tell me about your schedule today, was it in the morning?”

Sarawat began to speak of the lunch he had with a world-famous designer, along with other models and even some actors and began to talk about the quirky details he would always pick up. Sarawat just viewed social interactions differently, it was always interesting listening to events from his perspective, which he would usually laugh along with or challenge but right now, Tine was quiet and distracted. Truthfully, his heart was still in his throat, from the moment that he had realised Wat had come straight from the airport to his, just to see him and feed him. These were the gestures Wat would do before, which always made Tine second guess his disbelief of Sarawat’s love for him. Yet this time, Tine knew Wat’s feelings, he had genuinely missed him. Tine had missed him as well—but he just could never be as blunt as Sarawat was.

Lost in thought, he looked up and saw that Sarawat had actually stopped speaking and was just looking at Tine in confusion. “Are you—Should I not have come today? You must be tired; I didn’t even really think about how you would take this…”

“No, I-I don’t have a problem with you being here. I’m fine I was just writing an essay all day so that might be why I’m out of it.” He caught a flash of disappointment before Wat looked down and continued eating, “I promise I’m okay.”

As Wat chewed his food, he raised his brows and just simply looked at Tine. “You know, I could’ve sworn that we promised to communicate better than this.” Tine choked on his morsel at his bluntness. God, he should’ve known that he can’t hide anything from Wat.

“It’s not anything bad, I promise if it was, I would tell you!”

Wat continued to poke at his food and sighed deeply.

Tine felt mortified that this had blown up into such a big thing when, really the fact of the matter is that Tine was overwhelmed, “I missed you okay! That’s it.” Sarawat’s disappointed expression turned into one of confusion.

“You what—“

“I missed you, and you didn’t reply to my message today so I really didn’t expect anything today and then you just turned up at my door, with food telling me you wanted to see me. And I’m just- I wanted to see you too.” Tine looked down in deep embarrassment, he was sure his cheeks were red and that he had fumbled on some words. It was quiet between them for a moment. Tine bit his lip, trying to think of anything to break the tension, until he heard Wat’s feet pad towards him. He felt more than saw Wat sit next to him, probably waiting for him to look up.

Wat chuckles softly. “Tua Woon Ai, you’re so cute. I know you missed me. You didn’t have to tell me because our facetime calls and constant texting told me, but I appreciate your effort- to tell me. I love hearing these words from you, Tine.”

Wat patted his head, letting his fingers brush through Tine’s hair gently. Then he got up, taking their plates with him and said, “Well it’s time for the game you promised me… unless you’re scared to lose.” He walked away, leaving Tine with a light feeling in his heart.

They messed around on FIFA and played several matches, maybe too many. They didn’t realise that actually they had been at it for hours. As they finished the match, Sarawat leaned back onto the sofa and closed his eyes. Tine stared at him to his heart’s content, taking advantage of the other man’s momentary rest. His hair was tousled from jumping around during the game, yet it still fell perfectly on his face. Tine loved playing games with Wat, it always involved Wat becoming way too competitive, pushing Tine away and being overly-animated- so far removed from the Sarawat that others knew.  Sarawat’s cheeks were rosy from the heat of the game, there were bags under his eyes that showed his tiredness, but it was countered by the content smile on his face. Tine hadn’t even realised he was smiling as he traced his face with his eyes- that’s why when Sarawat opened his eyes suddenly Tine couldn’t even look away in time.

Turning away from, Wat he occupied himself with turning the PlayStation and TV off and cleaning the coffee table. “It’s- uh. It’s late. Did you want to eat something? I think there are some things leftover. You probably want to get home right, it’s so late and-“ His rambling was cut by Wat lightly grabbing Tine’s upper arm, squeezing until Tine finally turned to look at him.

He was met with wide eyes and the content smile was now a wide grin, head tilted as he leaned back on the sofa. At that moment, Wat looked so at peace, so warm that Tine only wanted to be there right next to him or, closer if he could be.

“Let me stay over Tine.” He whined slightly, the way he did on their facetime calls during the week when Tine would want to end the call to sleep. Tine shook his head at the childishness Sarawat was displaying, even if his heart was beating faster and he had an overwhelming urge to pat Sarawat’s head.

Instead, Tine narrowed his eyes, “If you could drive here, then you can drive yourself home too.” He supposed his slightly harsh words were softened by his teasing tone; after all he didn’t want Sarawat to leave. He wanted to stay in this cocoon warmed by Wat’s presence; the outside world was forgotten. Only them, their loud words, and their quiet touches.

“I drove here with the intent of not driving anywhere else for the rest of the day.” Wat sighed exaggeratedly and pouted as he moved slightly closer to Tine, his tone lowered, “Seriously, I don’t think I can drive anywhere right now without getting into some sort of accident, let me sleep on your sofa please.” Wat looked away as if embarrassed.

“I was just teasing, obviously you can sleepover. I'll get the guest room ready for you, there’s a spare toothbrush somewhere in the bathroom. W-we can go up now, if you want to, you look like you’re five seconds away from passing out.”

Wat just smiled back as he got up, “Hmm, maybe you’ll have to carry me upstairs, I don’t think I can take the journey, I felt your biceps I’m sure you can take it.” Tine scoffed at his words, walking across the living room, expecting Wat to follow, he was glad his slight blush wasn’t visible.

As they walked up the stairs, it was silent Wat was following right behind him and it made him completely aware of every move, if his breathing was too loud, even if he knew that Wat was probably too sleepy to even focus on him. As they reached the landing, Tine pushed Wat towards the bathroom, ushering him inside, “There’s a spare towel as well, if you want to shower.” He received a light hum in response. “Knock on my door when you’re done, I’ll set up the spare room for you then.”

As he heard the bathroom door lock, he went inside his own bedroom, and sat down on the chair at his desk. His desk was placed close to his window, allowing him to lose himself as he looked at the pitch-black sky for a while. After some time had passed, he decided to change into his sleeping shorts and oversized tee when he suddenly heard a firm knock on his door.

He opened the door and saw that Wat was leaning on the doorframe waiting for him, with his arms crossed. His eyes travelled straight to Wat’s arms; his biceps visible because of his sleeveless tank top. It also didn’t help that Wat was wearing such short-length shorts, that cut right at his upper thighs, showing his thick and muscular legs. He knew he was probably being very obvious right now, but his tired and distracted brain didn’t seem to care.

“Are you done ogling at me, Tine? Here I am ready to sleep, and you want to-”

“Do not finish that sentence if you don’t want to get kicked out.” Tine glared as he turned around and opened the guest room next to his bedroom. He turned the lights on and waited for Wat to walk in first, but instead, Wat turned, leaning his body towards Tine and whispered, “Thank you,” with a smirk on his face.

“Saraleo, don’t think I won’t just make you go home anyway!” Tine said, trying to hide how flustered that made him. He walked towards the wardrobe and took out the extra pillows for Wat. He knew he would need them, he remembered he always slept with several pillows, one for him to cuddle with. His cheeks warmed at the past memories, of Sarawat using him as the spare pillow when they would share the bed. He was slightly glad that they weren’t sharing the same bed tonight because he doesn’t think he would be able to handle it. 

He turned around and saw that Wat was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring right at him, looking at him expectedly. As usual, he wasn’t shy about being caught so Tine just busied himself with setting the pillows on the bed, even if he could still feel Wat’s eyes on him. Well, Tine didn’t need to be shy either, we both feel the same way, we’ve established that, that mean’s I can stare at him as much as I want right? I can be as close to him as I want to be?

Still, Tine was hesitant. He stopped setting the pillows and met Wat’s gaze, his head was tilted watching him through the curtains of his wet hair. Tine sighed at him before he slowly walked towards him, he saw the change in Wat’s face, his slightly hooded eyes widening, his smile disappearing until his mouth was slightly open. As Tine stood between Wat’s legs, he heard the exhale of a quiet sigh and met the confused expression directed up at him.

Tine reached for the towel sitting on Wat’s shoulders, “You never did dry your hair like you should.” He whispered gently, he placed the towel on Wat’s head, gently massaging the towel through his hair, focusing on the task in hand.

“Hmm, are you worried I’ll get sick?” Wat whispered back, his words said slowly and gently, keeping the peace of the moment, he hummed as he became putty in Tine’s massaging fingers. Tine fondly watched Wat’s eyes close; a pleased, sleepy expression growing further.

“Every time I saw you do it, I would want to take the towel from you and do it myself. I could never bring myself to, but now…” He put the towel aside and ran his own fingers through Wat’s dryer hair, running his fingers through the soft hair from the roots to the ends. Wat’s thighs became tighter around Tine’s legs, the soft heat juxtaposing with the feeling of the muscles of his thighs flexing slightly. Tine wanted to stay there between Wat’s thighs, he wanted to feel them under him, fuck he always had a weakness for them.

Wat finally opened his eyes, hooded from the calming massage he had just received and pulling Tine from his spiralling thoughts. “And now you can do whatever you wanted to before, you know that right?”

He took Tine’s hands which were still placed in his hair and held them with both his hands. Tine stared at their intertwined hands and smiled gently and squeezed their hands. He still couldn’t believe they were at this stage, it all felt so surreal that he couldn’t even process most of it. It all felt hazy, but Wat’s light touches grounded him. He had so much that he wanted to do, right now but he could never bring himself to.

“You should go to sleep now, Wat.” He smiled at the man’s growing pout, even when his eyes were already closing, he was sure the head massage had induced him to sleep as soon his head hits the pillow. “Good night.”

“Goodnight Tine, thank you for- you know.” His words were slurring as he tucked himself in.

Tine turned the light off and left the room, slightly shaking he entered his own room. He began his nightly cycle, hands shaking as he replayed the entire day in his head as he washed his face. Had Wat really wanted to see him so bad that he came to his house straight from the airport?

How hadn’t he gotten sick of me when he spoke to me all week? Tine thought. I’m sure he won’t want to see me for the rest of the week now; and that’s fine, I won’t complain. He sighed. At least I got to see him today. He had come all the way back from Europe and instead of going straight home, he came over and listened to my mundane stories with so much interest. God, I don’t deserve him. He couldn’t even reflect on the moment from moments ago. Instead he finished his skincare routine and got into bed.

 All he could think about was the feeling of warm thighs around his legs and fluffy hair between his fingertips and all he could see were big brown eyes staring at him until he slept.

Tine was suddenly woken up with a text alert. He checked the time on the clock across from his bed. Who was messaging him at 8am?

Tine, I had to go in for work early, (they never let me sleep in) I brought you breakfast. It’s in the microwave, heat it up when you wake up.

Tine laid back and stared at his ceiling. Why had a sudden rush of sadness just hit him? He had been dreading the awkwardness that the morning always brings, but he hated unsaid goodbyes more. He knew it seemed dramatic, but he hated the feeling of not knowing where he stood with the other, at the current moment. They had spent so much time together but what if he had somehow annoyed Sarawat with his overbearing presence? He supposed he really couldn’t anything but sleep or he would overthink himself to the point of doing something embarrassing like calling Wat right now.

He woke up again at 12pm, he felt extra drowsy but better than he did earlier. He looked at his phone in case someone had tried to contact him. He smiled as he stared at the other’s text. Wat sure did love feeding him and well, he loved eating. A pair made in heaven some would say. After he ate the breakfast wrap that Wat had bought him, he sent a text full of emojis to make sure Wat knew he was very grateful for the food. He still felt weird. All he could do was stop himself from overthinking by focusing on things like completing the group assignment that he had been putting off.

He finished the skype call with his group early in the evening. He always hated working with people who weren’t close to him but that skype call hadn’t been too awkward, instead they had all united in their struggle which really was just how university students bonded. He went to text his friend’s group chat and instead saw a missed call from a certain Sarawat.

Hey Wat, you called?

Yes, you seem busy though so it’s okay.

I was just doing groupwork

Did you make any friends?

That’s obviously what happens when we do groupwork

Of course not, but we did bond over the misery that law school is

My talented future lawyer in the making.

Yeah, yeah let’s see if I can get through it first. How was work?

The usual. I’m going to be very busy for the next two weeks.

 I’ll only be able to see you at the final shoot ☹

The use of the emoji was so endearing, that Tine had to giggle. When he realised what it actually meant Tine sobered up quickly. The shoot was in four days, he hated feeling clingy, but he wanted to see him before that. For that reason, he pushed his feelings away and hid what he wanted to actually say.

Okay, I’ll see you then! Maybe the exclamation mark would subdue the real bitterness of the words.

I’m going to go have dinner now, I’ll talk to you later.

————————                

The next three days almost felt like how his days went by before the project. He met his mother for lunch, who had a lot of kind words to say about the project (but mostly related to Sarawat). He met with Pear to walk her puppy and visited new coffee place as they usually did (Obviously, he only had the sweetest and least coffee-tasting drink). Finally, he and his friends had their nightly PlayStation session which was even more of a mess when they were all shouting at each other through their headsets.

The only thing different was that now, Sarawat was actually in his life. Despite not seeing him, the texts didn’t stop, during every break Sarawat got he would send Tine a small update or a random song recommendation. Tine would in turn send Sarawat a random fact during the day or a selfie of him doing absolutely anything. They continued their nightly facetime call at midnight, he didn’t know why but he expected it to end when Wat came back from Europe. Albeit, the calls were shorter, and Wat looked so exhausted that Tine would just make up a lame excuse to  cut the call. He didn’t want to be an obligation, he didn’t want Wat to sacrifice sleep and time for him, he just didn’t want to be a burden. 

He had two more days until the final shoot of the project. He was not counting down the days, at all. He did have a life, but he did catch himself daydreaming about Sarawat being next to him whilst he studied, replaying the memory of him on his sofa and then in his guestroom. Reliving the intimacy in his head, it was the closest they’d been without work being involved, without them playing it up for the camera and without the confusion of what was between them. He was pulled out of his daydream from a text from Fong.

Be ready at 7, we’re all going out for dinner and drinks!

I don’t have a choice, do I?!

Well, obviously. All you would do is sit there and pine after your busy boyfriend.

He is not my boyfriend. And fine, you’re driving me there.

(He couldn’t deny the pining part).

He was in the passenger seat of Fong’s car, with Ohm and Phuak in the back, bickering over their opinions on the most recent Korean drama that they were binging. He sat back and just stared outside as the sun was setting. He looked towards his phone, still there was no notification from Sarawat. It had become such a norm that they texted each other frequently in the evening that he felt weird when there was no word from Sarawat, apart from his usual lunch text. He hated the inkling of insecurity peeking out at him. Had he gotten bored of this routine already?

No, let’s not jump to conclusions, he’s probably exhausted from work or eating dinner at home. It’s fine, we can talk later.

As he looked up, he saw that Fong was already parking. He laughed at the choice of restaurant, it was slightly classier than their usual options, but it was still somewhat casual. As they walked towards the restaurant, he saw Ohm and Fong exchange a glance, immediately looking away as Tine narrowed his eyes at them. He was the last to enter the restaurant, simply following behind the others, as he took in the traditional and classy decorations dimly lit with an overall deep red theme. As his eyes returned to the front, he quickly realised that they were being led to a table that already had people sitting at it. His eyes widened as he saw Boss, Man with his brother and Third. He was sitting opposite the very familiar figure; one he really hadn’t expected to see tonight.

As he walked up to the table, they were all greeting each other. He went straight to his brother walking into his embrace, a welcome distraction from the slightly confusing situation. He greeted everyone. He saw a lot of them look between Sarawat and him, as if in amazement that they had not even fought yet. Oh, this is the first time we’ve all been together like this in… years. Fuck, we didn’t even decide how to act in front of others. Well, this wasn’t going to be awkward at all, Tine ran his hand through his head as he tried to collect himself. These kind of dinners used to be a weekly event for the group, before Sarawat and Tine had stopped talking, the entire group had bonded together in different ways that Tine found himself hanging out with Boss and Man without Wat being there or Wat and Fong would go on morning runs together. Even Type and Wat would bond over teasing Tine together despite their rocky beginning. Sarawat and Tine’s fight meant that this group dynamic was rusty now. The others probably didn’t even know how to act with them.

As he sat down next to Man, he met his knowing glance, which caused him to look away quickly. Man definitely knew something about Sarawat and his change in relationship, which he supposed he couldn’t fault Sarawat for doing as he had already clued Fong into their whole situation. His awkwardness increased, hyperaware of the man that he had wanted to see, but now he was in front of him with too many people surrounding them. He was the last to sit, but instead of the seat he would’ve preferably chosen, the only seat that was free was next to Third. He had felt Wat’s eyes follow him for a while but couldn’t meet them, he couldn’t bring himself to. As he sat down, he tried to busy himself by taking off his jean jacket. He finally looked up just in time to see Sarawat move his eyes from looking at him to Third instead as if embarrassed to be caught staring. Well, that particularly strange, when did Sarawat ever look away from their staring competitions?

Third turned to Tine and smiled deeply until his dimple was visible, “I haven’t seen you in so long, Tine. Where have you been?!”

Tine giggled, before he could answer Wat cut in, “It’s been a week since you saw him, do you have separation anxiety or something?” Wat stated in a deadpan tone. 

“Hmm, Tine and I are good friends now. You kept him all to yourself during the ball, dancing with him that I couldn’t even speak one word to him!” Third winked at Tine, as if he knew what was going on between them. He realised that maybe the reason why Sarawat and Third had bonded with each other quickly was because they both thought that their love was unrequited. Still, Tine blushed at the words, he willed himself not to look at Wat, but his eyes just couldn’t help themselves, he saw Wat had looked away as if to look unaffected, but his reddened ears gave him away. Tine looked down to hide his smile away.

Wat looked down, and started speaking to the man directly opposite from him, in an attempt to change the topic, “As I was saying, they made us do that in London, but the next day in Milan it was completely different from what I expected…” Tine already knew this story, Sarawat had told him the night it had happened, the food themed photoshoot that had confused Wat so much that he had been so annoyed that night. Tine smiled as he remembered the adorable frown on Wat’s face during their facetime call, he was still smiling when he looked up to see Sarawat retelling the story. Their eyes met and Sarawat’s annoyed look as he recalled the situation, eased as he smiled back at Tine. Wat had been telling Third the story, but it was him and Tine that shared the private moment.

He could tell that it was still weird for everyone at the table that there was no drama happening but as they all settled down, conversations ensued and the focus on Sarawat and Tine dissipated. It still felt like Tine had just interrupted Wat and Third’s conversation, he didn’t want to feel like an intruder so instead he turned to Man, who was watching his brother fondly, as he ranted about his annoying boss at work. He sincerely hopes he doesn’t look like that when he’s looking at a certain somebody. Tine nudged him, “Are you done ogling my brother, haven’t you missed me at all. I’m the superior brother, after all!”

“I think I may be a bit biased, Tine but you’re not the superior brother at all. But maybe I did miss you a little, what have you been up to? I bet you miss the project already, and miss working with somebody else even more…” Man said, raising his eyebrows suggestively until Tine had to literally push him to stop. Fong started laughing as he overheard the commotion.

“Shut up, both of you. I’ll have you know I’m a very busy law student, I’m happier with the spare time.”

Fong rolled his eyes and whispered to Man something along the lines of I thought his pining phase was over but really, it’s Tine, what else do we expect. Man’s boisterous laughter obviously caught the attention of the whole table, obviously at the expense of Tine.

Had Man and Fong set up this dinner on purpose, to get them to interact more? Had Fong done this so that Tine could stop acting like a pining teenager? If that was the case, he would seriously kick his best friend’s ass for not warning him.

“Are we bullying Tine right now? I want in.” Phuak piped in from the end of the table. Tine cringed internally as he heard Third and Wat end their conversation in favour in listening in to whatever was happening.

Thankfully, from the stroke of some divine luck, their waiter approached the table and asked for orders. Type took the responsibility of being in charge of orders, as per usual which by now, was accepted by everyone. Tine pretended to peruse the menu in favour of avoiding any more awkwardness. Type snapped the menu close, signalling the end of their order.

“One portion of the Massaman curry please.” Heads turned to Sarawat in shock, nobody expected Sarawat to pitch in to order, it just wasn’t his thing.

Type turned to Sarawat and smirked, “That’s Tine’s favourite dish.”

“I know.”

A sudden silence dawned at the table at Sarawat’s words. The others looked at each other in confusion, probably thinking something along the lines of ‘how did they go from not acknowledging each other’s presence to eating dinner civilly and now Wat even ordering Tine’s favourite food?’

Tine himself blushed as the others turned to see his reaction. What was Wat playing at? Did he want the others to know or was that just a slip of the tongue? Tine looked down; he didn’t know what to do. He heard Sarawat resume his conversation with Third which signalled the table to continue their conversations.

The atmosphere was freer than before, everyone talking over each other as the food was brought out one by one, passing everything to each other. When the Massaman curry came, he looked to Sarawat in hopes of catching his eye to thank him privately, but he had noticed that the other hadn’t even looked in his direction since the shared moment before. Now he was preoccupied with talking to Ohm. If Man and Fong had planned this night to get Sarawat and Tine to be closer- well that was seeming increasingly unrealistic. He realised that he was awkward in the beginning, but it seemed like Sarawat didn’t even care. He looked content talking to others and ignoring Tine’s existence. Well, two could play at that game. Tine chipped into the conversations here and there, but mainly focused on enjoying his food. Regardless of his increasing annoyance towards a certain someone, he really had missed nights like these, with his favourite people on one table.

He turned to Third and saw that he was eating quietly, “I hope they’re not too overwhelming for you, I know how it can get.” He said softly.

Third looked surprised at the sudden statement but smiled assuredly, “Ah, trust me I know how they get it was overwhelming at first, but I got used to it!”

“Tell me about it, the first I drank with those three alone I thought I would get alcohol poisoning- they never know when to stop!” Tine giggled at the memory.

“They really are ridiculous. We’ll have to deal with it tonight, if they get anywhere close to the bar…” Third sighed exaggeratedly and Tine put his hand out for a shake which Third took with slight confusion on his face.

“We’re going to be the responsible ones tonight, but they’ll be the ones looking after us after the shoot on Friday.” He smirked as he saw Third’s eyes widen.

“I like the way your mind works, Tine. I love this friendship already.” Their laughter was cut off by Sarawat standing up and staring directly at Third.

“Third, do you want to grab a drink, we’ll get some for the table.” He walked away without waiting for a response. Third threw him an apologetic smile before he followed him.

What was Sarawat’s problem seriously? It was like they had taken one step forward by not being aggressive in front of others; they had made so much progress in the last week. Now, they hadn’t seen each other in so long and instead of being welcomed or even acknowledged, he was being given the cold shoulder. He seriously hated where his mind was going with thoughts of Sarawat and Third plaguing his mind. Of course, he knew that Third had someone and Sarawat supposedly loved him. But what if Sarawat only loved the memory of him? What if after spending so much time with him in the last week, Wat had realised that Tine was never worth pining after for all those years. The last few days had not just been Tine pining, there had been a fear beginning to spread in his heart that Sarawat didn’t actually love him and he had just been confused. Right now, Sarawat’s attitude just made this fear spread faster than ever.

He was so caught up in his head, that as soon as Third sat next to him he jumped slightly. He turned to quickly send Third a reassuring smile, instead he was met with Sarawat. Up close, he couldn’t help but just stare at the other man, there were bags under his eyes that were worse than when he had been at Tine’s, his eyes were puffy from lack of sleep and his hair was messily cascaded across his forehead. He was wearing a white shirt that looked like it hadn’t been ironed, he had probably been wearing that since the early morning. Fuck, he was beautiful. In that moment, all Tine wanted to do was be in the other’s embrace, pat his head and tell him he was doing  good job. But he was really pissed off, he just couldn’t pretend as if everything is okay, so he looked away towards the bar.

“I’ve missed you, Tine.” Tine wanted to scoff at the statement, but he wasn’t going to display childishness, so he just continued to ignore the other man’s existence. A taste of his own medicine.

“Look at me please.”

Tine sighed and looked at Sarawat as he licks the spoon of dessert that he had been enjoying. Seriously, he could moan at how good it was, but it probably wasn’t the best time now. He could hear Sarawat breath become more ragged as his eyes followed Tine’s mouth’s movement. Tine internally smirked.

As Wat struggled to put words together, Tine shrugged, resuming his air of ignorance at the other man’s attempts to talk. When Tine turned to talk to Man, he felt a hand rest on his thigh, he looked at the other with a completely innocent look as if he had no idea what he was doing.

“Tine, we’re going to the bar do you want to come along?” Fong said as they all stood up to move to the bar.

“We’ll join you all later.” Sarawat had answered for him, Fong left after sharing a knowing glance.

Tine turned to Sarawat and hissed, “Why did you answer for me? What do you want anyway, aren’t you busy acting like I don’t exist?”

Sarawat’s eyes widened in disbelief, “What do you mean? I was just-”

“Whatever. It’s fine, you can go back to hanging with Third. You’re not obligated to be with me.”

“Don’t shut me out Tine, please.” Sarawat moved his hand from his thigh to his arm, he wrapped his hand around his wrist and pulled his arm slightly until it was resting on Sarawat’s thighs. “I know this was all foolish, but I really didn't know how to act, I didn’t know what you wanted to show the others. I- I just told myself it was better to be discreet.”

“Did you think about how I would feel? I felt like a stranger in front of you, like you were closer to everyone else- closer to Third than you are to me. You know, it would make sense if you were, we haven’t been back together that long but god I hate being reminded that someone else knows you better. That someone else took my space.” Tine rambled; his heart was beating so fast as he allowed his thoughts to reach Wat.

“I’m so sorry that I let you feel like that. I know- I know it’s not an excuse but I really just wanted you to feel comfortable, I just thought if I acted casual, nobody would question us, and it would be okay. I didn’t think about how you would feel.” Sarawat lifted the hand that he had been squeezing, until it reached his lips. He held them to his mouth and kissed so gently, all he felt was a ghost of a touch and then it was gone. 

“Tine, baby, you could never be a stranger to me. Even after all of these years, nobody could take your place. There will always a Tine shaped hole in my heart that could only ever filled by you. Maybe the others in our lives do know us better than we know each other, but we have all of the time in the world. I plan on spending that time committing everything about you to memory, learning all of the things I missed and making new memories with you. I won’t let this chance slip from me again Tine.”

Tine wanted to believe the words so bad, but his mind couldn’t accept it. “I-I just kept thinking, this whole week that maybe you’re not actually in love with me. Maybe it was just the idea of me, memories of me from before that painted this version of me that you’re in love with, not… not me.”

Wat squeezed his hands. “Tine, the memories of you are still you. They are the things that made me fall for you back then, and they are still apart of who you are today. The memories of you helped me when I thought  It’s what my heart clung to, for so many years. My love for you has seeped into my very being that I can’t remember what it’s like to not love you.

Then, you came back into my life, and every day since I have loved you more and more; even when I told myself not to because I thought anything that could have happened between us was  impossible now—especially after I had left you in the dark.

Dammit, Tine. Every moment, new and old, can only lead to me loving you, more than I already do.”

Tine heard the slight crack in Sarawat’s voice and heard the complete desperation in the others' voice. All his words were so genuine, that he couldn’t help but smile but at the Wat, feeling an overwhelmingly warm feeling seep into his body.

“It’s not just your fault. I’ve been letting all of this build up when I promised to communicate. I could’ve broken the silence between us, but I was just… I was just scared.” Tine laughed humourlessly at their ridiculousness. “I guess this is all just a learning process. I get so caught up in my thoughts that I forget that you’re just as new to this as I am.”

Tine looked at him, hoping to reassure Wat of his understanding. “Sarawat, it’s okay to tell me when you’re tired, I want to be here for you, the way you are here me, too.” He pulled the hand that had been wrapped around his and kissed him.

When they pulled away, they were smiling foolishly at each other. Sarawat leaned forward until he could feel his breath on his neck. “So, what you’re saying is that you missed me, little bunny?” Tine blushed at the nickname and took his hand back.

“Shut up, you’re ridiculous.” Tine said, trying to bite back a smile.

“That’s not a no.”

He couldn’t resist smiling at that.

“Well, obviously, I did- miss you, that is.”

“Good.” Wat whispered, leaning closer towards Tine. Tine leaned in a bit, waiting. Right before Wat could close the gap between them, Boss interrupted.

“Ooh- look at these lovebirds.” He said, grinning. “Sorry for disturbing your private time, but we’re doing karaoke so get up and continue whatever that is another time!” Boss pulled the both of them up, Sarawat was definitely sending his friend a death glare but all Tine could do was giggle.

The night ended with several Scrubb songs being butchered, and clinginess from everyone. He had missed this; his heart was full as he watched Sarawat drunkenly sing into the microphone and the rest laughed and jumped along. He loved his family.

                                                     ____________________________________

It was the day of the final shoot. Tine had woken up with a smile on his face as he recalled his facetime with Sarawat yesterday. They were being so silly, laughing over their ridiculous antics during university and had compared the other night to their night outs during university. It had felt so good to keep falling back into their old routines but now, Sarawat flirted with him and he could flirt back, there were no awkward pauses where he could think of confessing as he did before because they had already done it.

The shoot today was to happen with every model who took part in the project. However, they had been split into couples, so he was going to work with Sarawat for the entire day. He sighed happily at the thought of spending the whole day with Sarawat. Seriously, it had been a busy couple of weeks for the both with Sarawat in Europe, several solo shoots for Wat and law schoolwork had been piling up for Tine. This photoshoot gave them the chance to spend time together and Tine always had fun working with him regardless. Tine was ready and went to prepare a quick breakfast, which was halted by a text buzz.

Don’t have your instant coffee crap, I’ll bring your breakfast to the shoot.

Tine laughed at Sarawat’s cuteness; he really had forgotten how much Sarawat had touched every aspect of his life before. He took the role of looking after Tine very seriously and really who was Tine to resist that? As he left his house, he was ready for a very interesting day, he had seen that the shoot involved heavy makeup and quite bold concepts that he was excited to delve into it.

It was hectic in the site of the shoot; it was styled as a rundown building to contrast the drastic outfits. Tine had arrived before Wat, Earn and Third were already there so they all sat together as they got their hair done. Earn had been complaining about their puppy keeping them awake but with such a fondness that she could be talking about her child which she supposed the puppy was for and Pear, for now. Third then began to rant about his new boyfriend’s sleeping habits—“Really after being best friends with him all throughout uni, you’d think I would know his sleeping patterns but no! He’s a clingy koala who snores into my ears!” They all erupted in laughter as Third shook his head fondly. 

Then Earn and Third had shared a smirk and turned to Tine. “So Tine, we heard there was drama after the ball, obviously all we saw was you two whispering into each other’s ears and clinging onto each other as if your life depended on it during the dance.” Earn had stated casually, with Third nodding along.

“W-we’re working things out, taking things a bit slow. But we spoke about it- cleared the air you know.” Tine looked down as he tried to will away the blush forming on his cheeks.

An iced coffee and bagel had been placed next to him, he looked up and saw Sarawat looking at him with that slightly upturned smile, “Are these two bullying you? Or are they acting like the gossiping aunties that they are deep down inside?” 

“We’re just asking about our friend’s love life, it’s none of your business, old man.”

He turned towards them and smirked, “It’s definitely only my business seeing as I am apart his love life after all.” Earn and Third turned to each other with wide grins as if they had gotten what they wanted. Sarawat paid them no mind and leaned down slightly, “Eat it quickly before it gets cold.” He watched Tine unwrap the bagel and take a mouthful, “You look very pretty.”

Tine nearly choked on his morsel at the sudden compliment, “They haven’t done anything apart from curl my hair, they didn’t even touch my face!”

Sarawat leaned further down and whispered, “They don’t need to.”

With that Sarawat walked away to get ready. Tine was sure his blush couldn’t be ignored but he couldn’t help but feel giddy at Sarawat’s blunt affection. He had always been like this but now with their feelings out in the open, Tine could fully enjoy bathing in this affection and attention that was especially for him.

Tine’s makeup look had been quickly done, with a focus on dewy natural makeup with arched brows, his curly hair fell onto his face messily. His first outfit had been a pink turtleneck that accentuated his broad chest, he felt pretty and masculine, it was a look that could be from the Victorian era. He waited for Wat to join him in front of the camera, as he walked out Tine couldn’t help but just stare at him. He had a puffy white shirt that fit the period concept, his makeup was matte with defined brows and his usual fluffy hair was gelled back, with only one single strand deliberately falling onto his right eye. He looked like a nobleman, so handsome and captivating that Tine just couldn’t look away. The director explained that they would follow the concept of Wat photographing Tine until they came to the point that they stood together.

As they began Tine felt slightly rigid, as Wat’s entire attention was focused on him through the camera. Tine was hyperaware of Sarawat’s eyes and then the camera that shot their intimate photoshoot. Sarawat whispered directions, poses to relax Tine. He caught Sarawat’s eyes focused on his chest and a confidence spiked in him that could only be set off by the look of want by the other. Tine switched on his slightly seductive look as he walked closer to Sarawat’s camera. Wat was slightly tense, but he began to put away the camera. Wat moved around him to stand behind him. He felt Wat’s arm rest on the wall directly above Tine’s head, his head tilted towards him. Tine couldn’t meet his gaze but instead stepped away from Sarawat to join his arm on the wall, clinging slightly to his elbow as if to use as support. As he moved closer, the other man got harder to resist. 

They had switched onto further concepts, some more casual and some without the other. As he got ready for the final concept, he felt this charge of electricity in the air that he could only escape in the dressing rooms. The others were here, he had greeted Pete and some others but during the shoot it felt like were the only people in the building. They felt so far removed from everything else, as if there was nobody but them and the camera. Except, it wasn’t the camera directing their movements, it was their own dance.

Between takes, they were getting ready separately and Tine had a lot of spare time. The bed on the set was calling out his name and really who was he to refuse. He laid there, scrolling on his phone waiting for someone to call him to resume the shoot. He laid on his front, making sure that he didn’t spoil his hair and make-up. The sun shone down through the window, hitting the bed and causing the haze in Tine’s head to spread to his entire body. As he scrolled through Instagram, he saw that Sarawat had just uploaded a story, which was extremely rare. He really only used it for work. He was a private person and regardless of his following, he didn’t change his habits. As he clicked on the story, he saw that it was himself laying down on the bed, only curly hair and phone giving any inclination that it was him. He snapped his head to look behind him and saw Sarawat drinking something whilst smirking, and really it was unfair how he looked like a sculpture. He walked around the bed and stood in front of the bed, blocking the light and causing the sun arrays to hug his silhouette. He couldn’t help but smile back, forgetting his indignation at the story. “Why are you uploading exclusive behinds of- well my behind?”

Sarawat scanned his eyes from Tine’s toes to his face intentionally and leaned down, “Just wanted people to know what I’m doing.” Tine narrowed his eyes at the innuendo which caused Wat to chuckle and bend down to be eye level with Tine. “Want to try this? I promise it’s as sickeningly sweet as you usually like it.”

Tine agreed and reached for the straw, but Wat pulled it away in time, Tine followed the movement with confusion and saw that Wat himself was scooping some and angling it towards Tine, he made baby noises until Tine actually opened his mouth which he did whilst trying not to laugh at the other boy’s ridiculousness. Sarawat patted his head gently as he watched him eat it.

Their small moment was shattered as someone cleared their throat in the hallway. “If you’re quite finished Sarawat it’s time for your costume change.” It somehow felt thrilling that they had just been caught together, even if he wanted to stay longer in their own world.

It was time for the final part of the shoot, it had been a long day and it was getting darker outside. They had saved the sensual outfits for the very last, to catch the right lighting and both Bright and Win were now relaxed enough for the more intimate poses.

As Tine walked in, his jean jacket was placed backwards, with his shoulders and back on display to show a temporary tattoo, whereas Sarawat had an open jean jacket showing his bare chest with only a necklace around the collar to keep it in place. Something in Sarawat’s eyes had changed when he saw the open back outfit, he walked closer to Tine slowly and stood next to him. A single finger ran down from his shoulder, tracing a pattern to just above the waistband of his jeans. He resisted the urge to shiver, as he felt Wat’s breath reach his ears, and neck. As the camera started rolling the finger and warmth disappeared but the cloud that Tine was on didn’t. As the shoot came to a close, Tine was made to rest on Sarawat’s barely covered chest, his head moved slightly as he felt Wat’s breath come faster, when they were told to face each other all Tine could think about was those lips on him and the strong  urge to pull Wat away from this room, to somewhere where they were alone.

Thankfully, the shoot ended soon enough. He could feel Sarawat’s gaze following him as he went to get changed. He didn’t know what came over him, but the haze of the shoot was clearing but his confidence was growing. Sarawat couldn’t hide his desire, Tine had that power over him, he could make Sarawat only watch him in an entire crowd full of people. As he walked ahead, he could feel Sarawat walk slowly behind him, he sped up as if he was being chased, and reached the dressing room, he threw a coy smile over his bare shoulder at him which caused the other boy’s brows to slightly furrow, and his mouth parted for an exhale and then Tine entered the dressing room before Wat could reach him.

In the dressing room, everyone was buzzing, and clapping. This was the final shoot of the project; it was all over now. They were planning to go out for drinks after so everyone changed into more comfy clothes. Tine felt slight sadness as he reflected on the project. If he hadn’t agreed to this, then Sarawat wouldn’t have walked back into his life, both of their egos could only be crushed when forced and that’s what this project had done. Years of misunderstandings and suppression of feelings had to come out under the time they were forced to be together. Tine smiled at the first interview they had together, so much confusion about feelings, but they had been so obvious. Wat had remembered everything about him, the little details. Their first project photoshoot had been so much unresolved tension that could be cut by one of their cold stares. The confusion of Third’s presence in Wat’s life had been something out of a deeper insecurity, the insecurity was still there but that could be worked through, together with Wat. They still had a long way to go but it was something he was anticipating, the next step of their journey.

The project had also given so much more to Tine, he became friends with Pete and Third, he had seen his own talent shine in areas he hadn’t expected. He would miss this, but he knew he would be doing more things like these in the future. His premature nostalgia was broken as he felt a slight poke on his arm, he looked down to see Third, rocking a smokey eye look, with an oversized tee, “Ready for a night-out? We said we would be reckless and let these useless men look after us!”

Tine giggled at the memory of the plan, “You’re right, I’m just getting drunk for the sake of revenge really.” The buzz in the room showed that people were ready for the bar. They all split into different cars, Tine had his own car, Third had called shotgun and was next to him as Sarawat begrudgingly sat at the back with Earn. Wat had his turned his head to the window, as if he were a spoiled child denied his favourite toy. He was pretty silent for the rest of the ride, whilst Earn and Third chatted about their new favourite movie that had just been released. At the traffic light, Tine met eyes with Wat who had been staring at him in the rear-view mirror, Tine’s worries of any signs of anger were washed away with the upturn of Wat’s mouth, a barely there smile just for him.

They reached the bar, and could see that the Friday night atmosphere had already emerged; Tine could feel the bass boom from outside. He turned around and saw Sarawat resting his back on his car, expecting Tine to speak. “I know you hate night-outs like these, and really I’m not that interested in staying long so let's just stay for a while and then we’ll go home.”

Sarawat reached for Tine’s wrist, he was still wearing a bracelet he was given in the photoshoot. He played with it gently, encircling his wrist, he looked up and murmured, “Home?”

“Hmm, I’m coming home with you tonight, Sarawat.” He said coyly, he saw Wat’s energy prep up as if he had just been energised by the words. He forgot how ridiculously easy to please this boy could be. He loved that about him.

“Fine, let’s go inside, we are the main event after all.” Tine giggled at the other man’s words and followed.

Inside, the smell of alcohol invaded his senses, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant but the purple flashing lights induced a light-headedness. He felt drunk without even drinking a drop of alcohol, he was fine with that as he saw the others enjoy their drinks. He danced and danced, with Third who really couldn’t get enough of the dancefloor, he knew he wasn’t that good at dancing but Third made it feel okay. There were moments when he would face towards the booths where he knew Wat was sitting, and he would purposefully stick his hips out further and sensually sing the lyrics, he was sure he looked ridiculous but if it caught the other man’s attention and made him stare longer then really, he didn’t mind making a fool of himself.

Screaming the lyrics and dancing had caused him to be tired soon enough so he went to rest near the bar. He felt somebody spread an arm around his neck and squeeze his shoulders in comfort. Pete smiled down at him with his signature gummy smile, “So this is it, huh? Now I’ll never hear from you after your popularity shoots up and you’ll forget the first model that you directed!”

Tine laughed at the other’s words, “You’re right, I’ll have forgotten all about you, old man!” Pete grabbed his heart as if in pain.

“You raise these boys and this is what you get from them…” He rested his body on the bar table and patted Tine on his back, “I’m proud of you, Tine. I know we only met during this, but I’ve seen you grow within a month. I can tell you’ll make real changes in this world.” Tine’s heart warmed at these words. Pete had really been so supportive, he felt like a reliable senior that Tine could easily become closer to. “I also noticed you and Sarawat. I don’t think anybody didn't notice, but I’m glad you’ve sorted out whatever it is. Issues can arise, even years into your relationship, trust me I know. It’s about how you learn to deal with it. It’s all about patience.”

 “Thank you, seriously. I’m glad we sorted it out too.” Tine smiled up at Pete, he was glad that this friendship had started. He supposed they could learn a lot from Pete and Kao but hearing about their bumps reassured him. Regardless of the problems, they could still be stronger together.

 “Speak of the devil, he’s walking towards us and he doesn’t look too happy.” Pete teased. He could just imagine Wat’s expression; he didn’t know if he had been drinking but there were times when Wat could be a little temperamental when other’s invaded Tine’s personal space. Never with friends, but Wat hadn’t fully accepted Pete so he really didn’t know how Wat would do.

Pete removed his arm from around Tine and greeted Sarawat, “The star of the hour is here! We were just speaking about you.” Tine scowled at Pete’s grin, he knew the other lived to tease and now he was playing with a slightly jealous Sarawat.

Sarawat stepped closer until he was next to Tine’s barstool, he put his arm around Tine’s shoulders, squeezing subtly and standing closer. “Oh, what were you speaking about? Good things only, I hope.” Sarawat had replied quietly, he was sure it was intentional so that only Tine could hear him properly.

“Of course, Tine was explaining some recent developments in his life and you happened to come up in the conversation, something about you being a good friend.” Pete’s grin widened; he was definitely holding in  a laugh directed at the both of them. He could see that Wat had moved closer at this statement. He didn’t know if it was just the music causing him to hear things, he was sure he had just heard Wat scoff and murmur ‘friend’ under his breath. Tine looked up in confusion, but Wat was already looking away, at the dance floor.

Pete took out his phone and suddenly his expression turned softer. “I’m going to leave you both to it, Kao has just arrived.” Really, Pete couldn’t laugh at them when he was so enamoured by Kao that one word from him could change his whole mood within a moment. He supposed they were all pretty obvious with their feelings. 

He turned to Wat who had just been staring at him to this point with an unreadable expression on his face, Tine gently touched his arm, “Let’s get out of here, Wat. I think we’re both too tired to stay any longer.”

Wat nodded and began to walk away signalling Tine to follow. They said a few goodbyes to others including a drunken Third who had a very sober boyfriend standing next to him. 

As they reached outside, Tine took a gulp of air. He still felt a drowsiness that had been with him all day. Sarawat reached into Tine’s pockets and grabbed the car keys before Tine could say anything, “Just get in and rest.” It was said with such a blank look on his face, that one could be fooled to think he was annoyed. After years of learning how to read that face, Wat’s eyes could never lie, the fondness was there for Tine, regardless of the supposed unimpressed expression. However, there was still something unexplainable in his eyes, that Tine could not decipher.

Tine sat back in his seat to simply watch Sarawat drive. Scrubb was playing softly in the background, he recognised ‘Keep It,’ one of his all-time favourites,

 Keep the good days and nights in your heart

Let us think about them

Let time prove to our hearts just once

That we still love each other, until that day arrives

As he watched Sarawat, he realised that the slight drowsiness he had felt all day had been misidentified. The feeling wasn’t related to tiredness, rather he felt safe. He felt safe next to Sarawat, his heart felt protected. Sarawat’s love was loud and quiet at the same time, it was seen in his small gestures for him, making sure that he was comfortable and looked after, it was loud in his stares, his obvious touches. It had taken years for him to realise, as he was insecure and regardless of how much he wanted to trust Wat. The other had been patient and continued to show him, without pushing or without complaining about Tine’s assumptions. At the end of the day, Sarawat’s love could not be denied.

As Sarawat parked the car, Tine had realised they had reached Wat’s condo. The last time he had been here, he had ran out of the house in tears because of his assumptions regarding Third. He wanted to laugh, but really, he was proud of the progress they had made. The day had been so long, filled with different emotions but now he was truly tired, and he just wanted to be in Sarawat’s arms.

As Sarawat walked to the front door to unlock it, Tine stood behind him, no words were exchanged. They hadn’t spoken since they had left the bar, but it was a comfortable silence that Tine could bask in but there was tension that Tine was simply too tired to acknowledge. Tine’s tiredness spoke in the way muscle memory took over, as soon as he entered Wat’s condo he walked towards his bedroom and sat on his bed, waiting for Sarawat to enter. The sight of a sleepy Tine caused a loud sigh to be released from Wat. He walked towards his dressing table, which really was not what Tine wanted. He came back into Tine’s peripheral vision, carrying cotton buds and micellar water. This had always been their traditions after night-outs, Tine would always tire himself out after dancing the night away, that he could never be bothered to wash his makeup off. Wat had never allowed him to sleep with makeup on his face, he would always wipe Tine’s face clean. 

“I take my responsibility very seriously, I can’t let Tine the supermodel, sleep with makeup on his face.” Sarawat said softly.

“Hmm, what was your excuse for when you did this during university then?”

“I couldn’t let the prettiest man in university sleep with makeup on his face.” Wat bent down on his knees in front of Tine, he was in his eye level now, as he gently wiped his makeup off. Tine’s eyes became heavier as Wat gently dabbed his eyes. He was finally finished, as he put the cotton bud aside. Wat looked as if he was ready to get up and really, Tine couldn’t let him leave just yet. So he flung his arms around Wat’s neck so that he was closer. He was sure it was uncomfortable for Wat, but he heard no complaints. Instead, Wat stared directly at him, his eyes became hooded as he traced Tine’s face from his forehead to his lips. Tine bit his lips subconsciously as he felt the heat behind the stare.

Finally, Wat leaned forward and their lips met. Tine’s eyes were open this time, not due to shock but to make sure this was real. It was gentler but stronger than their previous kiss. He closed his eyes and felt Wat’s lips move against his, asking for access which Tine would give him even if he had no breath left. His breath hitched as the other’s tongue pried his lips apart, he couldn’t focus on anything but the other’s movements. Wat’s lips felt so gentle but so domineering at the same time. He took over every sense, he could touch, feel and taste Sarawat. As their lips parted, they could only stare at each other, the tension from the shoot releasing through their intimacy. Tine dived back in to join their lips together, simply pressing them together in a sweet exchange.

After a few moments, Wat reached for Tine’s arms that were still loosely attached to his neck and instead held his hands between them, the unreadable expression was there again in Wat’s eyes.

“I’m sorry about tonight, the weird mood, I didn’t even stick with you for most of the night.”

“Sarawat, you weren’t weird, we’ve always been like this during night—outs. You like to sit and enjoy company, and I like to dance, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Sarawat simply stared at their hands, “Hmm and Pete. I-I don’t have anything against you both hanging out, but I don’t know- when I see you with him, I see an easiness between you that I want with you.”

Tine’s eyes softened in understanding. “It’s understandable- believe me I know. There are times when I see you with Third and I get jealous of your mutual understanding.” He squeezed their joined hands, “But Sarawat, what you and I have is different. We can’t have what is between Pete and I because I am always affected by you, Wat. The way you look, when you move closer to me, when you touch me even slightly. I act differently with you because you are just that. You’re different from everyone else to me.”

Wat looked down at their hands. “I know. Deep down inside, I know that. Sometimes, I forget, and ugly emotions get the best of me. I know you need to be reassured, Tine, but I’ve never been good at expressing what I feel with words. I try to show you in my actions, and I know that can’t always be enough. I never show it, I just hide behind a blank look or I give in to jealousy because it’s easier to deal with. Tonight, I realised it’s because there’s nothing tying you to me, you could leave right now, or you could be with anyone else and I wouldn’t have the right to even question it.” Tine tried to search for answers in his eyes and waited for Wat to continue but instead Wat looked away.

“I don’t know exactly what you mean, Wat. Although, I can say that there is something tying me to you…” Wat looked at Tine in question. “It’s our love Wat. Regardless, of what we’ve been through its always been us, together and even with our years apart, we still managed to just continue to be the same way around each other, because we have always fit together.” Sarawat furrowed his eyebrows at the statement as if in doubt, “We’re working on things, it’s not going to be perfect, but all that matters is that we’re together.”

“When he called me your friend- something burned inside me, Tine. I realised that really that’s all I’ve been to you, and I was okay with it before, as long as you were here next to me. But these past few weeks made me realize that I want us to be more, that I want everyone to know that we’re more.” He looked Tine in the eye. “You’re it, for me Tine. Even after all these years, I look for you in a room full of people. I worry about how you’re doing; the first thing in I think about in the morning is how I wish I could see your face, and just before I sleep I wish it was the last thing I could see before I close my eyes.

Sometimes, I feel like I love you too much and really maybe if I loved you less, then I would be able to put into words what I feel. Words aren’t enough to even begin to describe what you mean to me, so I told myself that instead, I’ll show you every day, but I can’t do it as you’re your friend anymore.”

“Sarawat…” Tine started. “You already show me how much you love me, and more. Before, it was my own self-doubt that would cloud my judgement but ever since the ball, this entire month, I’ve seen your love in the smallest of actions; in your eyes and you’re just- it’s just… it’s just so much. I don’t even know why you love me so much, but I believe you. I believe in you and your love, and I know I don’t say it, but I hope you know that I love you.”

Tine had always been so inside his head, that he hadn’t even realised that Wat could be just as insecure of this relationship as Tine was. He had already spent years, peeling away Wat’s barriers, learning that behind the blank stares and blunt words, he was an awkward man who just didn’t know what to say and a clumsy man who was louder with his words. Tine had accepted their mutual romantic feelings but had forgotten that they could be also sharing the same fears. This realisation was a learning curve for Tine, that the label of their friendship was hurting Sarawat, that it was causing him to question his own feelings.

My own quietness and silence could have caused Wat to be confused without me even realising, Tine thought. The colours of Sarawat had been so difficult to read, but deep down Tine knew that he would spend the rest of his life learning to understand because this was Sarawat, the first person he ever loved, the person he could see himself spending the rest of his life with.

As Sarawat looked up, Tine could see, finally, that the look of disbelief had left. Wat’s eyes were shining, not from tears but from understanding. A smile appeared upon his face, causing the wrinkles around his eyes that Tine was so fond of, to appear. Tine could feel his own smile appear, the two of them just smiling at each other.

Wat eventually looked down and rubbed his hands nervously on his own thighs.

“Tine?”

“Yes, Sarawat?”

“Be mine. Be my boyfriend.” Wat said strongly, his tone loud, contrasting with the quiet words they had shared before. They were said with such bravado, Tine couldn’t help but smile, knowing that Wat only ever sounded like that when he was extra nervous.

“Yes,” Tine breathed.  

“I’ll be yours.”

The sleepiness returned and all Tine wanted was to be in his boyfriend’s arms.  He moved forward to rest his head on Wat’s shoulders, the warmth of Sarawat’s body and love surrounding his whole being as Wat’s arms enclosed around him.

Tine knew this was just the beginning. Sure, they would come across bumps in their relationship; times where they might not see eye to eye, but he knows that they will learn how to come together to get over them, while still loving each other in every situation.

Despite everything, their love was enough. It wouldn’t be effortless, but their colours were always understood, best together.