Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tine was sitting across from someone he’d rather not be in a close vicinity to. He was avoiding all forms of contact with the man, but to his annoyance he would not stop staring at him. Even when Tine was not the one speaking, it was as though he wanted Tine to snap at him. God, he hated that infuriating unphased expression on the other man’s face. The man across from him sat with his usual air of indifference, as if he owned every room he walked in, as if the people around him were beneath him.

Arrogant asshole.

Sarawat. His apparent rival in the modelling industry, sat across from him. The both of them started out at the same time and in the same agency. In fact, they had been friends. Then suddenly, after graduation and when the both of them were recruited from the same modelling agencies everything changed.

It had felt like they had to compete for all the opportunities that came their way, eventually leading to Sarawat parting ways from the agency. Tine tried to not focus on what Sarawat did afterwards, he would avoid the tabloid news that couldn’t seem to stop reporting about Sarawat’s new partners and what he wore to the supermarket.

He never understood to this day. He was still so angry with Sarawat, how did he let their careers get in the middle of what they had? He thought he had meant more to him.

It wasn’t as though Tine was jealous. It just confused him how the rivalry began. Scratch that. Why was it always Sarawat that the media was focused on? Was Sarawat that desperate for attention that he wouldn’t keep any part of his life a secret?

He was brought out of his thoughts when he realised both his and Sarawat’s managers were staring at him with an expectant look.

“Sorry, what was that? I didn’t catch the last part…” Tine stated guiltily.

Sarawat scoffed, but remained silent. Tine rolled his eyes at his pettiness and focused on his manager instead.

Tine’s manager realised this and continued, “We’ve decided that this charity campaign shoot would be good for both of you. You’re both passionate about the cause, and the best way to raise money and awareness would be if you both worked together for these next few months.”

Tine wanted protest. It was a bad idea, they couldn’t even hold a civilised conversation together, how did they expect them to work together for months?

He held his tongue; he didn’t want to be the childish one as he’s always painted out to be. Besides, they were right. If the both of them joint forces for this one campaign it would help so many people.

Sarawat broke his silence, “I think it’s a good idea,” he said with a raised brow, why was he still only staring at me, Tine thought in frustration.

Always a man of few words, they all took that as a confirmation for him to onboard with the project. It always bothered Tine that Sarawat would be so closed off and untouched by everything, especially their rivalry which he had started.

With both of the models' agreement to this project, only the details were left to iron out. As the youngest supermodels in Thailand, they had gained immense popularity through not only modelling but also using their own platforms to raise awareness to different issues.

Tine didn’t understand why they had to work together. Surely, they could raise awareness through solo projects. Just my luck, working with the one person who can’t stand me. Tine cursed the universe for cursing him.

The gist of the project was that the both of them would work with designers to make environmentally friendly garments for their joint collection that would then be auctioned off to raise money for the charity. They would have to film weekly vlogs to show their progress and educate their fans on the cause.

It was going to be an interesting couple of months.

Tine went on the run after the meeting to clear his head, he had to prepare himself for spending time with someone who supposedly hated him.  He remembered he had some behind the scenes pictures he had to post from today’s shoot, he decided to caption it ‘Be Patient,’ was he talking to himself? Who knows at this point.

He decided scrolling through Instagram mindlessly and interacting with fans would be sufficient in distracting himself from what a joke his life was right now, he was having fun teasing his fans, when he suddenly saw his mentions being flooded with mentions of Sarawat commenting on his last post. His confusion increased when he saw that Sarawat had actually commented the eyes emoji on his post.

This man was truly the bane of his existence. He didn’t even follow Tine, had he actually searched up Tine’s instagram just to comment that? It aggravated him so much that he was willing to dm him just to delete the comment.

Why would you comment on my post?

Sarawat began to type as soon he sent that. Annoying.

I’m building suspense...

What? Was this his attempt to be funny? As Tine began to type, Sarawat sent another message.

Calm down. My manager told me to do it, he said people will begin to wonder what we’re upto together.

Tine’s heart fell slightly, he swallowed his disappointment. He didn’t know why but Tine somehow thought that maybe Sarawat would finally stop acting like they were mortal enemies, instead he was still stuck in his petty ways.

Oh, of course.

He had decided he had had enough of Sarawat for one day.

It was a new day. Tine had decided he wasn’t going to let anyone ruin his day, the sun was shining, and he had enjoyed a nice brunch with his family who of course, questioned him about the headlines regarding Sarawat and him allegedly being best friends. He had to stop himself from rolling eyes back into his skull as he explained to his mother, that no they weren’t friends, they were simply working on a project together. His mother hadn’t asked about Sarawat in so long, after the clean break, Tine’s mum had always been confused at the sudden disappearance of his friend who was always by her son’s side for years. His mother was now hopeful that they could rekindle their friendship, but Tine had to keep emphasising that this was a professional project that had nothing to do with their past friendship. Apart from that, he was fine. He was back to his cheerful self and nothing could stop him.

His manager had picked him up, it was the first schedule for this entire project. They were to record an introduction video and to brainstorm designs.

Sarawat had entered the make-up room in the most casual manner, no light make-up, nothing. He never cared for what he looked like. Tine grudgingly admitted that he looked good regardless, his full lips were already naturally pink, he had nice tanned skin and big eyes that never seemed to have bags underneath them. Not that Tine spent time analysing his face, everyone knew Sarawat just had that classically handsome face.

Sarawat had yet to acknowledge him. This just seemed to be a recurring theme in their professional relationship. Since their early modelling days, Sarawat ignored Tine, which had caused so much confusion which quickly turned into Tine hating him for it.

They were ready for the shooting of the video. Needless to say, it was extremely awkward, they answered the questions and introduced what they were working together for. It was as though they were both recording separate videos, there were no interactions apart from a couple of nods and a few glances.

 They then continued to have a meeting where they had to pitch their ideas. Tine had ideas about using local resources and scouting models from Chiang Mai to employ and benefit the area of the cause. Sarawat had ideas regarding the artistic direction the project was to take. They both bounced off of each other's ideas which shocked even the staff.

It reminded Tine of old times. In fact, their history was far deeper than most knew. Tine and Sarawat had been best friends at one point, or something of the sort. Tine had joined the music club at university to initially have better chances with getting with his crush, Pear. That plan fell through when he found out that Pear was actually a lesbian and was dating the senior, P’Earn. Music club gave him something else. It gave him Sarawat. Initially, Sarawat had been extremely annoyed with Tine, but had agreed to teach him basic chords. Eventually, they hung out after the music sessions and would go out to eat with each other. Tine was also a cheerleader; he never had a passion for football games but after becoming closer to Sarawat he would go to games that he wasn’t required for. To support Sarawat.

They became so close that Sarawat would be the last person he would call at night and the first person he would message in the morning.

Alas, now they were in this position. Awkward acquaintances who didn’t mean anything to each other.

The meeting just reminded him of how well they used to work with each other, how they were able to do anything.

The meeting had come to an end, they were all going out to eat as it had been a very long day. Tine felt a little hopeful, maybe Sarawat would come and eat with them. That little bit of hope was crushed as he overheard Sarawat telling his manager that he already had plans.

Probably with his newest partner. The media always had a new report regarding who Sarawat was linked to. Whatever. He would enjoy dinner with the staff and that was that.

Tine didn’t let himself dwell on his confusing disappointment. Who cares if Sarawat was with someone else, who cares if he didn’t want to eat with him. 

Instead, Tine decided it would be a good time to invite his friends around for late night snacks and FIFA. Now. that they were all busy with working and establishing their individual lives, the group had agreed on meeting at least once a week to just chill and stay in touch. He messaged in the group chat to ask and smiled when all of them agreed. 

By the time he had reached home and showered, the boys were already ringing the doorbell. Ohm, Fong and Peuk entered his house in unison, bringing snacks and their usual noise along with them. Honestly, he was grateful for them, his large empty condo only felt like home when they were around, leaving their mess everywhere. 

“Thanks for coming guys, I know it’s late and you all probably want to rest but-”

“Your majesty invited us, of course we had to come.” Ohm teased, breaking Tine’s weird mood, “Plus how could we pass up this opportunity of free food huh?” 

“I knew it, you guys just use me for my condo and PS4!” Tine pretended to pout. “My great personality and excellent humour is wasted on you all.”

“Firstly, my apartment is better than yours. Secondly, your humour is terrible, and I want a refund for all the time I’ve spent listening to your jokes.” Peuk said with a deadpan expression. Tine went to playfully punch him as all of them laughed along. 

Fong, however, was uncharacteristically quiet during the teasing, when Tine looked over, he looked as if he was in deep thought. Uh oh, Tine knew exactly what it was regarding, and he didn’t want to explain himself. 

“So, what’s with this new project huh?” Shit, it was as if they could all read his thoughts.

“O-oh, you know. It’s just a new project that management had thought would be perfect for me. Something about it showing my creativity and letting people see a new side of me?”

“But with Sarawat of all people?” Fong spoke for the first time since he entered in a puzzled tone. 

“Right? That’s so random, you both haven’t even been in the same vicinity in years let alone worked together…” Ohm chimed in. 

“I don’t know. Honestly, I was about to reject it but it makes sense. We’re both the most well-known young supermodels in Thailand and we have a big following!” 

“Right… but are you going to be okay working with him, you know after everything?” 

Tine had to divert their attention. He had to convince them that he’d be okay, that his past feelings won’t get in the way of this. If they realised that he himself was struggling already they would probably try to get him to drop out altogether if it was hurting him. 

“Really, I don’t even have to interact with him a lot. We both have different roles and when we do interact it’s fine, we’ll both be professional.” Tine insisted, “Besides, this is the charity project I’ve been wanting to do for so long, I can’t just walk away from it because of him. Not when I have a chance to help so many.”

“Tine the philanthropist strikes again.” Peuk gushed sarcastically, causing everyone to laugh out loud. Tine was grateful he really didn’t want to go down that road of talking to his friends about Sarawat. 

They all continued to laugh and play games, until it was pretty late. Eventually Peuk and Ohm had passed out on his sofa and Tine knew it was time for him to talk to Fong. 

Tine busied himself with cleaning up and taking the dirty plates to the kitchen, with Fong following him closely behind. 

“Look, I know this is hard for you to talk about. I know because you haven’t even mentioned him to me in a year, but you have to know I’m worried about you. How can you work in the same project together when whatever happened between you hasn’t been resolved?” 

Tine knew what this looked like to Fong. “I’m aware of what this looks like, but I really want to do this, Fong. It’s the kind of project I’ve been wanting to do for so long…” 

“Tine. You could do a project like this without him if you really wanted to. I’m sure if you both said you wanted to do solo projects, they would’ve changed it to make it that. It just doesn’t make sense why he would agree to the project after he just completely dropped you.” Fong questioned.

“I don’t know why he would say yes, I never know what Sarawat is really thinking. It’s so aggravating, he’s the one who couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me but he agreed to the project without hesitating.” Tine ran his hands through his hair. “All I knew was that as soon as I heard him say yes, I couldn’t be the one to say no. I didn’t want to be the immature one who couldn’t put his past behind him so I said yes.” 

Fong sat across from Tine and looked at him with understanding, “That’s not the only reason you agreed though, isn’t it?” 

Damn Fong for always knowing Tine’s thought processes.

“Am I this predictable?” Fong laughed as Tine moaned in fake agony. “Okay, yes I also said yes because I’m curious. I just want closure; I want to know why he would leave so abruptly and what made him suddenly hate me. I’m sick of thinking about what I did wrong. I’m over him but I just want to know why I wasn’t as important in his life as he was to me.”

“I trust you; I know you’re not going to hurt yourself with this. It’s definitely your right to know but how can you be so sure he’ll open up to you?” Fong replied. 

“I can’t be sure, and I don’t want him to open up to me. I just want some answers and then we’ll both never have to deal with each other again.” Tine declared.  

“Okay just promise me you won’t let it get to the point where you’ll be hurt again. After he left, you were never the same Tine. It was scary to see change so much because of him. Nothing was ever the same man. We couldn’t even meet up as a whole group because you would chicken out or Sarawat would refuse to be in the same place as you.” 

Sarawat and Tine’s close friendship meant that their friendship groups had merged into one, Tine was as close to Man and Boss as he was to Ohm and Peuk at one point. They would all study together, drink together and even open up to each other. After Sarawat had left him, he had taken Tine’s 2 good friends along with him. Man was actually still in a long-term relationship with Tine’s brother so he still saw him a lot, but there was always an awkward barrier that they couldn’t break down. It always felt like Man knew something that Tine didn’t and Tine hated feeling like he was the only one out of the loop, so he would avoid him. 

“I promise Fong. I won’t let him hurt me again and really, he probably just wants to do the project and never see me again. I probably don’t even need to think about us ever becoming friends again or even talking it out.” 

 Fong let the topic go and left Tine in the kitchen after slapping his back lightly. 

Tine had a strong resolve, he won’t let Sarawat back into his life. He’ll just get his answers and finally close that chapter of his life. 

____________________________________

The rest of the week went smoothly, mostly because he was working by himself. He had individual video shoots of researching local places to find the different materials.

As Sarawat was more educated in the practical designing side of things as he already had his own line of androgynous clothing, Tine would not participate in these sessions a lot. Instead he chose to listen and learn.

Of course, the one time he had decided to contribute Sarawat shot him down.

“If you haven’t bothered to learn all of this before, why start now?”

Tine was slightly shocked by the sudden attack, “I-I’m trying to learn now because this project is important to me.” He hated that he had stuttered. That he had let Sarawat get into his head again.

“Stick to what you’re used to; Being a pretty face on mainstream campaigns.” Sarawat chided,

“Who are you to talk to me this way? Really professional of you Sarawat.” Tine tried to stay calm. He refused to act as childish as Sarawat was being. It was as if they had switched characteristics and Sarawat was the hotheaded one whilst Tine tried to be subdued.

“Whatever. Instead of expecting everyone to baby you, go do some research and show that you actually care.” Sarawat said in his usual indifferent manner, walking away as if he hadn’t just humiliated Tine in front of everyone.

Tine tried to process what just happened. It had been years since Sarawat had properly spoken to him, apart from quick sneers and jabs. This is what he thought of him as, a shallow and ignorant person, despite all of those years he had been his closest friend. Fuck this. Tine had done nothing to warrant this disrespect. He would continue to ignore him and work on this project.

Tine was proud of himself. The Tine of the past would never let Sarawat walk away from that unharmed. He had grown as a person and he did not want Sarawat to think that he had any influence over him.

The days that followed consisted of snide comments by Sarawat or judging glances, much reminding Tine of when Sarawat would grudgingly teach him how to play the guitar. Back then, there was some underlying fondness that would soften the blow of Sarawat’s words. But now, there was nothing but distaste that hurt Tine the most.

As much as Tine was willing to be civil. He would not let the other man walk all over him. This was his project just as much as it was Sarawat’s. He would challenge Sarawat’s decisions when he saw fit, Tine had always been loud about his opinions and he would continue to be. 

“That’s not the theme we’re going for. It’s high fashion, we know, but it needs to be wearable. It needs to spread the message.”

“Why don’t you stick to whatever you’re supposed to be doing?” Sarawat bit back,

“I am supposed to be right here, making decisions with you. Yes, you are more educated about artistic direction, is that what you wanted to hear? Validation?” Tine snapped, “I may not be as educated but I’m here to learn, I know what people like.”

Sarawat looked at him with his eyes twitching, as if he hadn’t thought that Tine would snap.

Tine felt proud of himself. How dare this snobby know-it-all look down on him. Serves him right.

“Right. Then come here and decide what designs could be swapped out with this one.”

Sarawat seriously had given him whiplash. One minute they were in a heated argument, the next he acted like he actually respected his decisions. 

The trip was in two days. They were to find materials but Sarawat and him had agreed that it would be cruel to not volunteer and so they were to volunteer in a support centre for families. It was emotionally draining for everyone involved. It opened his eyes to not only the suffering of victims but also those that helped.

As they worked together, Sarawat and him had to rely on each other. Not only did it tighten his resolve to help them, but also how their petty rivalry should not come in the way of the project to help people. They came to this agreement, as politeness and civil conversations developed throughout the trip.

“It makes you think. Nobody really knows what the universe will throw at them, no matter what we actually plan for.” Tine voiced his thoughts, not realising that Sarawat was in hearing distance,

“You’re right. All we can do is our best.” Sarawat replied hesitantly. Tine appreciated the thought.

“Exactly. It’s probably best we put our differences aside and try to help as many as we can with this.”

They looked at each other in understanding. For the first time in years, they had shared a look of understanding. There was peaceful silence that followed.

When they came back, it was time to record behind the scene videos to actually begin designing the clothes. Tine found himself enjoying the work and their casual jokes. Sarawat would comment on his clumsiness with the practical work, which Tine would jokingly pout about, and Tine casually joked about Sarawat’s lack of personality in the videos. Even the comments were positive about their friendship and commending them for the project.

There was still awkwardness. Tine supposed that this was the best they could do without actually addressing anything. He refused to be the one to bring it up. Firstly, he didn’t want Sarawat to know that he still had any effect on him. Besides, what if Tine has been thinking too deeply, maybe Sarawat simply just got sick of him. He was loud, awkward and overbearing. Sarawat probably got sick of listening to him.

Tine had become more subdued over the years. Especially around strangers, and he supposed that’s what Sarawat is now.

One night, after they had finished designing their main garments for the show, Sarawat surprised Tine. He could feel him hovering from when they began wrapping up the session, then suddenly Sarawat said “Let’s go for dinner,” in his usual concise manner.

“Alright, let me just ask P’-” He was cut off,

“No. I meant just you and me.” Sarawat looked away as if in embarrassment. It was Tine who reddened instead,

“O-oh, okay yeah, let me just pack up my things.”

He was the last to leave the building, half expecting Sarawat to have already left. Instead, Sarawat was standing outside his Range Rover, nodding at Tine. Tine entered the car and there was a different level of awkwardness than Tine was used to. In such a confined space, it felt like he needed to fill the air with chatter but he didn’t know what to speak about. As if aware of this internal dialogue, Sarawat started playing the radio. The ride to the restaurant was filled with pop tunes that Tine usually enjoyed, music that Sarawat used to insult Tine for listening to.

As they arrived at the restaurant, Tine furrowed his brow in thought and realised where Sarawat had taken them. It was the restaurant that Sarawat was obsessed with, he would refuse to go anywhere else unless Tine dragged him somewhere else. At one point, this was their restaurant. It was where they began their weird friendship, it was the restaurant Tine would take Sarawat to get him to stop being moody with him. It was the restaurant they had their last meal before things began to shift into a place where Tine didn’t understand.

“Of course, you’d take us here, I don’t know why I’m surprised!” Tine teased Sarawat,

“We grew older, but my taste’s remained the same,” Sarawat stated with a pointed look which Tine felt was directed at him for some reason, “Besides, they always give me a discount, I’m their most loyal customer.” He finished with a proud smile. It was that easy smile he hadn’t seen in a while. He wanted to see it more.

“What do you need a discount for Mr Thailand’s First Love? You’re a supermodel and musician!”

“Ah, I’m not the one referred to as ‘The Nation’s Gem’, and I clearly don’t live as lavishly as you,” Looking up and down at Tine’s designer outfit, making Tine splatter his drink, “Anyway, I still need to budget.”

“Saraleo! I’ll have you know that this was gifted to me,” Tine retorted. “Anyway, if you’re not spending all of that money on food, what else are you spending it on? Unless, you’re spending it on someone else.”

Sarawat looked at him in disbelief, “What are you implying?”

“Nothing. I overstepped, I’m sorry.” Tine was glad that the food arrived right at that moment, “Let’s eat.”

The godforsaken awkwardness was back and Tine didn’t know what to do so he just ate. It was Sarawat’s turn to try to pretend that they were simple acquaintances. Tine couldn’t do it.

“Are you still studying Law? Did you apply for Law School in the end?” Sarawat blurted,

“Oh yeah… I took some time out to focus on modelling, but I couldn’t let the degree go to waste so I just started Law School this year. I heard you completed your masters in PoliSci?”

“That’s… I’m glad Tine, you were always passionate about it, I’m glad you’re completing your dream.”  He smiled softly. “I’m sorry for being at your throat about artistic direction and creativity. I know you focus on other things. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Never expected an apology from you. It’s a miracle,” Tine was surprised at the sudden apology, “It’s okay really, I know you’re passionate about your work. We’ll make it work together.”

They continued to speak about ‘safe’ topics, topics that wouldn’t bring out the past and cause ugly emotions to resurface. They joked about their managers and shared stories about the photographers and designers they had worked with.

Tine was about to call for a taxi when Sarawat stopped him, “I’ll drop you off, I invited you after all.”

“Oh you really don’t need to, my house is probably further away from yours.”

“Don’t worry about it. Get in.” Sarawat’s persistent manner never changed and Tine was too tired to fight it.

The radio played in the background as they spoke about mundane things. Suddenly, the unmistakable chords of ‘Took Yahyng’ by Scrubb began to play. It was their song. The first song Sarawat learnt for him, it was what defined happiness for him for so long. Yet he hadn’t listened to it much after the end of their friendship.

Tine refused to let this be awkward, so he started doing what he was best at. Singing offkey and waving his arms which caused Sarawat to burst out laughing in shock, breaking the tense air. Tine was an expert in making serious situations turn humourous.

When they reached home, Tine took his time to collect his belongings, he didn’t know what to say, he knew he didn’t want to invite Sarawat in but would that be rude?

Luckily, Sarawat just looked at Tine and murmured a soft goodnight which Tine replied the same with.

Tine laid in bed and tried to avoid overthinking everything that happened. He didn’t care, it was just a casual dinner with a colleague. That was all.

After that dinner, the awkwardness began to wane away, they would hang out more after designing the clothes and meetings. They would eat dinner, but usually, there would always be others around them. They were rarely by themselves and if they were, Tine was hyperconscious of the tension that still remained.

They continued to record weekly vlogs, showing their progress in the project. It was easier for their past dynamics to appear in these videos, Tine would be the loud and entertaining one in the videos whereas Sarawat would only speak when directly asked questions or when the artistic direction was mentioned. However, as Sarawat became more comfortable with Tine, the more he spoke in the vlogs, primarily to tease Tine.

In one particular video, the both of them were in an extremely good mood and were joking around, they had gone for lunch beforehand and had stopped by at a record store, which was once their shared favourite hobby.

They had arrived together to the office and had been productive until the camera began to record them.

Tine tried to be typical clown for the camera and accidentally damaged the needed material or the final garment, he began to profusely apologise with his signature pout,

“Oh my god, what have I-”

He looked up in shock, he had expected Sarawat eyes to be filled with anger and for him to storm away or something. Instead, Sarawat was chuckling, “You never change Tua Woon Wai,” Sarawat murmured fondly. 

Tine’s eyes widened, he hadn’t heard that nickname in so long. God. It had been the first proper nickname he was given, it would be used by Sarawat when he was angry, when Tine made him laugh until he couldn’t breathe, when Tine would open up to him in weird hours of the night during their almost nightly calls. He hadn’t heard it in so long and before he knew it, he was tearing up.

There were tears in his eyes and he had to get away before Sarawat or the camera could catch him.

After that, he kept a distance from Sarawat. He realised that he couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t let Sarawat back in his life for him to leave again. He would keep his distance and remain as acquaintances so that after this project is over, they could go back to not being in each other’s lives. Just like what Sarawat wanted.

That was the problem. He had invaded Sarawat’s life before, he had demanded for him to teach him how to play the guitar, stealing his time and attention unwillingly. Sarawat probably just got used to him and then realised one day that he didn’t need to be with Tine anymore, especially after graduation. Tine didn’t understand why Sarawat would call him every day, would always focus on him when they were in a crowd, he even had a smile reserved for Tine. Even his friends had been convinced that Sarawat had feelings for him, that went deeper than friendship.

Instead, the truth was the complete opposite, he couldn’t stand Tine and had left a Sarawat shaped hole in his life that couldn’t be patched up.

He couldn’t become close to Sarawat just to lose him again. It broke him before. Maybe it was his own fault for depending on Sarawat so much. Don’t get him wrong, Tine had his close friends, he had great grades and he had hobbies that would take up most of his time. Despite all of this, it was Sarawat that defined his uni years. It was him he would always talk to, eat with and spend both his happiest and saddest moments with. Sarawat had been a rock in his life, that when it eroded away, Tine had been lost and afraid.

Now, Tine was an established supermodel who was also succeeding in Law School. He still had his close friends who he loved and since then, he had made plentiful friendships. He had finally stopped comparing new people in his life to Sarawat, of how they treated him, if they would make sure Tine was eating like Sarawat used to, if they looked at him with obvious admiration and if they called him out on his nonsense like he used to. He had finally stopped thinking about Sarawat and now he was back in his life.

I can’t do this again.

He wouldn’t let Sarawat back into his life and the only way to protect his heart is to keep him at an arm’s distance. I won’t let him call me Tua Woon Ai, because I’m not his nuisance anymore. Tine thought They were acquaintances who simply had a history.

____________________________________

They had just entered the second phase of the project.  The garments were made, and now they had to be shown to the public eye. First Sarawat and Tine were to model the clothes themselves in a photoshoot.

At this point, Sarawat had definitely realised that Tine was distancing himself. At times, he felt that Sarawat was close to confronting him, but there was something holding him back. The barriers of their civil relationship wouldn’t allow for him to ask and Tine wasn’t willing to yield to him.

He couldn’t bear to explain himself, so he was still civil and tried to be his usual boisterous self. Today he was quiet. For the first time in so long, they were to be in a photoshoot together. In the beginning of their careers, they had often worked together before the end of their friendship. They had been told that they had ‘unmatched chemistry,’ and even had roles they would adopt in their joint photoshoots.

Tine would be the one who would smoulder at the camera, showing off his usual confidence, whereas Sarawat would be focused on Tine, draped over his shoulder, gaze always on him. They had always worked well together.

With the awkward energy surrounding them, Tine was worried that he wouldn’t deliver in this photoshoot well. I’ve just got to suck it up and do what I’ve always done. He wouldn’t let some man ruin this for himself.

Tine had come in later for the photoshoot, and so by the time his hair and makeup were sorted, Sarawat had already finished his solo shoot. Now, Sarawat was there to watch Tine’s solo shoot before their joint one. Great.

Still, he could have fun with this. During shoots, his confidence maximised and he felt like he could wear anything and be able to sell it. He knew he was beautiful, and he had always been praised for how he essentially flirted with the camera.

As he stood for his first couple of outfits, he had fun using his wacky poses that would always work with casual outfits. As he moved on, the garments became more revealing and he had started to flirt the camera as he usually did, throwing sultry looks and looking over his shoulder in his false modest manner. He had forgotten about his surroundings until the camera director and called for a break to change the lens, he looked up and caught Sarawat’s eyes. He had this look that he hadn’t seen for a while, it was one that made Tine feel like he was the only man in this world, his big eyes were focused on him only with his lips slightly parted.

Tine smirked. He still had power over him, no matter how much they distanced from each other. He was still able to catch Sarawat’s attention, the Sarawat who always had an unbothered air around him. The moment ended when Sarawat was called away to get ready for their joint photoshoot.

It was time for their joint photoshoot, the first few outfits were from the everyday collection, requiring for them to mess around and be playful in front of the camera. It was easy to fall into their old dynamics, it felt like a parody of what they once were, pushing each other, Sarawat carrying him on his back, they became so immersed that Tine couldn’t stop giggling. He knew he wasn’t supposed to allow himself to be this happy around the other man, but this was for professional reasons. It was okay, it wasn’t real anyway.

(Yet his laughs were real and Sarawat’s fond smile felt real.)

The later shoots required for them to use their previously renowned chemistry. Tine was clad in a silky lacey blouse that showed his chest whereas Sarawat had only an overcoat with his upper half revealed. Tine could determine that Sarawat clearly still kept up with football and the gym, just by a few stolen glances.

The tense air was back, but it was thicker. It felt like there was something else there that Tine did not want to think about. He felt Sarawat’s eyes on him, not leaving him as he always did but he couldn’t meet his eyes this time. They continued the photoshoot, yet Tine couldn’t lose himself as he usually did in front of the camera. He was extremely conscious of the man next to him but he had a job to do.

He felt Sarawat take control of the poses, he put his arm around his waist to gently push him in front of himself, then rested his head on Tine’s shoulder. Tine looked straight at the camera as Sarawat looked up at him, he loosened up but his stomach tightened at the gaze that was focused on him. As they continued, a haze began to grow in Tine’s head, they moved around each other as if in a choregraphed dance, one that hadn’t been practiced in a while.

Sarawat’s wide eyes became more hooded the closer their poses got but they remained focused on Tine, the few moments they weren’t Tine would look up at him and stare at his face. For the shoot, but fuck was Sarawat beautiful. They hadn’t been this close for a long time and hadn’t been able to trace Wat’s features with his eyes.

Sarawat looked back down at Tine and caught him staring at his lips and slowly smirked at him. In attempt to completely hide his face away, he rested his head on Sarawat’s chest. He felt Sarawat’s arms tighten around him and felt his breath hitch, he wouldn’t notice if he was any further away from him.

Above all, he felt Sarawat’s heartbeat. It was beating so fast. No matter what mask of indifference Sarawat wore, he still couldn’t hide from Tine.

“And that’s a wrap! Good job boys.” The director called. The haze broke and Tine felt the tension fade away as he muttered a quick ‘well done’ to Sarawat and hurried off.

Tine was cursing at himself. What was that. Tine was beyond confused, how did Sarawat still have this power over him, so much so that he didn’t even realise what he was doing in front of the camera. As soon as Sarawat had gotten closer to him, Tine had let go of all of his boundaries. Again.

Shit, I can’t let that happen again.

Besides, it wasn’t just him. Sarawat couldn’t stop staring at him with those eyes as if he had felt the tension around them. Although, it was more likely that Tine was just overthinking this as usual, maybe he was just resuming the role that he always had with Tine and this was just how he usually was with other models.

(He was tempted to look up his other photoshoots to confirm this fact, but resisted the urge, I can’t let him get to me this much.)

Chapter Text

To say that the photoshoot had shocked the nation was an understatement. They had expected publicity, but they hadn’t realised just how much attention it would gain. Media continued to report headlines such as ‘Super-model duo Tine and Sarawat are back and their chemistry is as red-hot as ever!’

Tine rolled his eyes as he scrolled through the headlines that his friends had sent in the group-chat to tease him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the actual results of the photoshoot, he was still so embarrassed of how he had lost himself in front of Sarawat. Now, his resolve had only hardened.

There’s no way I’m going to lose it like that again.

He had yet to see him since the photoshoot. They were given a break from schedules as they were done with designing, only  the advertising and editing of the campaigns were left to do. The both of them would need to direct the shoots with the models they had chosen earlier but for now they had no reason to see each other. Tine was free, at least for a while.

He didn’t really know what to do with all of this free time, he hadn’t realised just how hectic his schedule had been. He had loved it though; it was the first time had properly thrown himself into something that he could dictate. He was so bored now that he had even completed all of his assignments for law school and was just sitting there.

Luckily, his friends were just as jobless as him and had decided that they would stay over at his for the extended weekend. They played games for hours and talked until 4am. Tine seriously missed days like this, when all of his friends would be together and there was nothing to worry about (deadlines and rent were problems but that can be glossed over). They had all grown and he was proud of each and every one of them.

(Some of his friends he grew apart from, but he was still proud of them regardless).

The next morning, he was rudely woken up by his ringtone. Huh, who is calling me at 8am, Tine moaned. 

He saw that it was his manager, “Tine, meet me at the office at 10, we need to discuss some… unforeseen schedules with you.” Then hang up before Tine could even breathe.

Whatever the meeting was about seemed urgent, Tine threw himself back into the bed until he had to force himself out. He was not dealing with his manager’s wrath today.

As Tine drove up to his typical parking space at the office, he thought he saw Sarawat’s managers car. What would he be doing here? Maybe he was just getting it muddled, but unfortunately Tine’s law school trained brain had caused for him to memorise useful information like this.

A sense of impending doom settled in as he walked up to his manager’s room. He heard talking inside which went silent as soon as he walked in.

The first person his eyes set on was looking away. He was sitting in his manager’s room as if he was used to it. Which at one point he was, seeing as he used to work here, but it irked Tine. Why did he get to act like he never left? Why was he never nervous or affected by these things?

As if a pin had dropped as Tine settled in a seat as far away from Sarawat as he could, his manager cleared his throat uncomfortably.  “Right, I’m sure you’re confused about why we’ve called you back in so soon when you’re meant to have a break. I will get straight to the point, since the photoshoot there has been a lot of buzz surrounding you both. The people want more, and we need the attention for the project and for your general careers.”

The tension was stifling, and Tine had to break it somehow, “We’ll just do more photoshoots then? It’s not that complicated, as long as I get paid, I’m not complaining!” Tine nervously giggled.

Somehow, his manager’s look expressed that had missed the mark.

Sarawat’s manager chimed in, “More photoshoots would be good, yes. However, we were discussing the other possible avenues we could take. We could really build a brand from this, imagine how many other projects we could take part in.” He looked between the two of them as if to convince them.

“Precisely. Even so, we need more. We’ve discussed it in detail, the chemistry between you has been all over the news and social media. I’m sure you’ve seen some of the headlines, they’ve even hinted at you both going back to the relationship you had before. When you were the supermodel duo.”

Tine was raging. He knew what they were hinting at and he refused to believe it, “What exactly do you want? Are you suggesting some kind of PR relationship right now?”

“Not exactly. We can leave it as ambiguous, but you both need to be seen together, at events and doing everyday things like shopping. You don’t need to necessarily be romantic, but your chemistry already helps with that.” The manager spoke as if to pacify him.

At this point, Tine was seeing red. How could they expect him to do this? He was an established model, why did he need to do things like this for popularity?

And with Sarawat of all people?! He was already struggling working with him. His mind was already on overdrive being in the same room as him. He couldn’t imagine what would happen if he were to act intimate with the man opposite with him, it would hurt too much above anything else.

“You just expect us to fake a relationship when we’re not even friends?” Tine sneered, “How do you expect us to pull this off?”

For the first time since this meeting began, Sarawat looked up at him. His eyes betrayed none of his feelings, they were narrowed yet held no emotion. Yet, Tine saw ounce of hurt, which he had probably imagined. It angered Tine further, all those years ago, it was Tine who always knew Sarawat’s feelings but now he knew nothing.

His manager sighed, as if he knew very well what Tine would say, “Listen Tine. We are just asking for you both of you to play into the media’s hype nothing extravagant. We’ll give you time to think it over, but we really think that this is for the best.”

The managers ended the meeting with good wishes which Tine was too heated to even return. As Sarawat walked out of the building he was determined to stop him.

“What are you playing at Sarawat? Why didn’t you say a word during that meeting when you heard what they were asking from us?” Tine hissed.

Sarawat looked at him as if he had just disturbed him from something important, as if he didn’t have time for him, “I listened to everything they said. I didn’t see much wrong with what they’re asking from us, so I said nothing.” Sarawat stated calmly.

Tine couldn’t believe his ears, “You’re okay with pretending to be with me?” You couldn’t even stand in the same room as me a month ago.

Sarawat unlocked his phone and replied to a message and then decided to look up. “It’s not that big of deal. We were basically faking a friendship for a month already, according to you so what difference will this make?”

Of course. Tine had forgotten just how petty Sarawat could be, he would always remember Tine’s words and use them against him later. “I didn’t mean it like that. The point is we aren’t close—we don’t even see each other outside of work, how are we meant to show the world that we’re something more?” Tine ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“We’ll work it out, we did the photoshoot fine, we’ll turn up to events, take pictures and stage a few things. Then it’ll be done.” It hurt Tine. Sarawat was so unaffected by all of this. “Besides aren’t you used to doing all of this pretending?”

“What do you mean by that?” Tine demanded. They were back to square one. Sarawat’s snide comments and Tine being entirely confused. He hated this.

“Oh, don’t act like you don’t know.”

“Contrary to popular belief, I am not your mind reader, Sarawat. I genuinely have don’t know what you’re talking about?”

They stared at each other for what felt like years, when in fact it had been minutes. They were both searching for answers in the other’s eyes that they couldn’t find.

Sarawat’s eyes widened in disbelief as if he had realised that Tine had no idea what he was speaking about. “You know what? Forget it. Nothing.”

They were standing in the middle of the carpark alone. Tine was breathing heavily and fidgeting whilst Sarawat looked like the epitome of calmness. They were 5 feet apart from each other, but it felt like Sarawat was so far away from him. Out of reach like always. Tine suddenly wanted to cry; they could never come to an understanding because they didn’t know each other. Maybe, they never really knew each other. He felt pathetic as he stood opposite the man that had ruined his sleep patterns, his love for Scrubb, and his ability to feel anything for anyone else.

He couldn’t fall apart in front of him, so he decided it was best to walk away. Not that Sarawat minded, he was probably relieved to be away from him once again.

On his drive home, he refused to let the tears fall. His life was a complete joke. He was being roped into basically fake dating the man who had once claimed Tine as ‘the most precious person in his life’, only to leave him with no explanation.

When he reached home, he was already calling Pear, the only one he could bare to speak with right now. Since university, they had remained in touch and saw each other frequently, always keeping each other in the loop. They were each other’s emotional support buddies and he needed some serious support right now.

“Hello stranger, glad you finally remembered me!” Pear teased as soon as she picked up. Tine laughed along tiredly, but he felt bad. He felt like he had left a lot of people out of the loop for a while now.

“Sorry about that, I’ve been so busy with everything I’m just-“

“Hey hey, what’s wrong? Have you been crying? Why are you sniffling Tine, who do I need to fight?” Pear demanded.  Tine wanted to giggle at his friend’s overprotectiveness but really, he was about to cry even more.

“I’m fine, Pear. Well I’m trying to be, everything’s just really complicated now. I don’t know what do…” he trailed off.

“This is related to him isn’t it? God, we haven’t even spoken properly since you both started working together. It must be so hard for you.”

“I thought I was fine. I mean, it was hard being around him, but I was learning to deal with it; we were acquaintances and that’s it. Some moments reminded me of the past, like when he would tease me like he used to or when we were on the same page about work. But now? They’re pushing us to act like a couple in front of the cameras Pear. I don’t know what to do now.” Tine said in a frustrated tone.

“They’re making you what? That’s ridiculous, Tine. You said no, right?!”

“I did tell them that I thought it was ridiculous but get this… Sarawat just sat there silently. He acted like they were asking him to do another photoshoot with me. Then, I confronted him about it, and he was just being unbothered and shady. I don’t understand him. At all.”

“I have no words… I guess it’s nice to know Sarawat’s just as unreadable as ever.” Pear joked to lessen the tension, “This is so unfair of him, though. He can’t just walk into your life, without explaining anything and expect everything to be okay. I will say I can’t tell you what to do or say, but I just hope whatever you choose to do you make sure that you don’t get yourself hurt.”

“Fong and you said the same exact thing.” Tine teased,

“Well, that’s not surprising we are your two last brain cells.” Pear said bluntly. She wasn’t wrong, he didn’t know what he’d do without their advice. “Also, Tine…”

“What?” Tine could hear that tone and knew whatever she was going to say, he wasn’t going to like.

“That photoshoot… I’ve got words for you. You both were eye-fucking each other; it gave me flashbacks to painful memories from uni when I would literally be in the middle of that.”

“Oh my god. Shut up Pear, that was literally the concept, it wasn’t what you think it is!” Tine protested loudly.

“Come off it, Tine. He still looks at you the same way, like he would eat you or something as equally as disgusting.” Pear began to laugh at Tine.

Tine was blushing to his chest, he refused to acknowledge his feelings during the photoshoot, and he wasn’t going to start now.

“That man is truly an enigma. Anyway, as I was saying, your feelings matter, and I know you’re strong but it’s okay to say no this.” That was the last mention of the whole situation until Tine had decided that they had spoken about him enough already. Pear updated him on her life, how work was going and how recently her and Earn had adopted a puppy, Tine had teased her about already settling down and she had giggled at the thought. He was seriously so happy for her.

After the phone call ended, he was overthinking the whole situation. Having something that he wanted for so long, but for it to be pretend, left a bitter taste in his tongue. One thing he didn’t want to do was not agree to this in case it disrupted the project, he knew he had a right to say no but what if this ruined plans for the project?

He had decided that he was going to agree but he would keep his distance. It’s fine, it’s not like Sarawat’s going to be extra clingy and it’ll never be like before anyway. I’ll be fine.

______________________________________

The next morning, he arrived at the office early and met his manager. He confirmed his involvement with the whole arrangement, and it seemed as if they had expected him to agree because they had already planned a schedule for the evening. Bastards.

They were to do a live to supposedly show the fans the progress on the project and announce their next plans. Really, it was to show the ‘progress’ of their relationship. He couldn’t believe what he agreed to.

Sarawat was to arrive in a few hours so Tine did the best thing he could do, took a nap in the office. That was until, he felt light tapping on his head, who was that and how dare they take him away from his precious sleep?

He slowly opened up his eyes to catch his bearings, he looked up in daze, he saw soft eyes looking down at him as if in fond annoyance. “W-what time is it?”

“6pm. Apparently you’ve been sleeping there for a while now.” Tine rubbed his eyes and as if that cleaned the haze up, Sarawat’s expression and tone closed up again, “We have to do the live seen you, you should probably freshen up.” Then walked away.

Apart from being rudely disrupted from that nap, he was glad he had taken it. His nerves had calmed down and he was ready to do some acting.

They sat down on the sofa closer than they had for the duration of the month. They were ready to start the live. As if aware of Tine’s slight nerves, Sarawat started off the live, “Hi guys! We just wanted to update you on the general project! We’re also so grateful for the response to the photoshoot, the editorial has been sold out, right Tine?”

Tine looked at Sarawat with a smile, “That’s right! You guys continue to amaze us we’re so thankful. We just wanted to have a casual chat with you guys to thank you for the support. We’ll read some comments now.”

As he scrolled through the comments, a staff member whispered that the both of them couldn’t be seen on the screen together properly. Tine was ready to shift closer to Sarawat but the other man was quicker, he put his arms around Tine and sat closer. Their thighs were touching, and Tine was suddenly very conscious out every move he was making.

“Someone asked me what our favourite animals are ?” Sarawat stared at Tine in thought for some reason, “I’d say rabbits. Tine resembles a rabbit, especially when he smiles.” What. He wasn’t expecting that. Ah, well two could play at that game.

“My favourite are probably wolves, they’re pretty fierce and strong! Too bad you’re not that strong Sarawat...” Tine said with a deadpan expression. Sarawat’s eyes widened as if he didn’t expect Tine to tease him.

“Clearly I’m strong enough to carry you on my back.” Sarawat murmured, he then turned to the camera, “You all saw how I had to carry him on my back, not anyone could just hold this pack of muscles. I’d said I’m pretty strong for doing that.” He was pouting and milking the situation whilst Tine could feel his face heating up and willed his body to stop letting Sarawat’s words affect him.

“Oh, someone asked why Sarawat has his guitar with him? Let me just tell you all, he doesn’t go anywhere without it. Even on days when we just have meetings, he comes with it.” Tine explained. “Oh, they want you to play a song.”

“Okay, fine I’ll only agree if you sing it with me.” He raised his eyebrows as if to challenge him. He hadn’t sung a song in so long, that was their thing before. Now, he would have to do it in front of an audience. Damn it, Sarawat.

Tine narrowed his eyes at Sarawat. “Fine! I’ll do it for the fans, what do you guys want to hear?”

“I can only manage to remember the chords for one song, for some reason. We’ll play Close by Scrubb for you guys.” Sarawat said smugly. God, he was doing this on purpose. It was the song that they would always sing when they were tipsy and sitting on Tine’s balcony when they had no care in the world. Moments like that were unforgettable, even their bitter ending couldn’t soil warm memories like that. Now, they were going to play it after years for others.

It might be because you happened to meet me

It might be because we happened to stay with each other

Because you have still never figured out how things are

And I’ve never understood if things must stay like that.

As Sarawat played his final chord, he looked up from his guitar at Tine and they shared a small smile, peace and calmness coloured the air until Tine looked away. “I hope you guys liked that!” The moment was effectively broken as Sarawat put down his guitar and shifted coming closer to Tine as he read comments over Tine’s shoulders. They continued to tease each other fan questions that were asked, like “who was the better model?” “Obviously, the tall one he flirts with the camera like his life depends on it.”

The live ended with plenty of laughs and supportive comments from fans which warmed Tine’s heart. It was so easy to fall into a comfortable atmosphere next to Sarawat and he hated it. He couldn’t let it affect him, he promised himself, but could he do when Sarawat was teasing him and using his old tone with him.

It was time to go home and his stomach was rumbling which made Sarawat’s perfectly shaped eyebrows arch up at him as if to ask “Hungry?” Staff members asked Tine if he would join them for dinner, but he declined quickly, claiming that he already plans. He knew Sarawat was up for dinner and he couldn’t stay with him any longer.

Instead, he went home and ordered pizza for himself, he wallowed in self-pity and pouted whilst reminiscing the whole live. What gave Sarawat the right to treat him like his old friend again. He watched a movie distractedly and decided to go bed early instead.

A few days passed before Tine’s next schedule with Sarawat.  He had used the free days to catch up on the work that he knows he won’t be able to focus on in the next few weeks. Their next schedule was a mini photoshoot for one of the sponsors of the project, with an interview of both of them. It should be an interesting next few days.

As he arrived, he saw that Sarawat was already getting his makeup done, he was grateful that he didn’t need to go and say hi to him properly. Instead, he sat down and let the makeup artists do whatever they needed to for the concept. When they were finished, he looked at himself in the mirror and started to admire the job that they had done, until he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He turned around and Sarawat was staring back at him.

The makeup artists had gone for a summer natural concept, they had drawn freckles on Sarawat’s cheeks that made him look sun-kissed and God, the gloss. The gloss on his lips made them look poutier and made his lips look plusher. He knew he was staring but fuck, Sarawat’s lips were always irresistible. “I didn’t see you walk in.” Sarawat said in an amused tone.

“Y-yeah, I arrived a bit late, so I just sat to get the makeup done quicker.” Tine stammered, Sarawat noticed this and flashed his signature smirk. What an arrogant jerk.

They carried out the photoshoot. It was pretty simple; they were quick shots for the magazine. Then, they had their makeup retouched for the interviews.

The concept of the interview was who knew the other best. He was slightly nervous, not about answering the questions correctly, but about knowing too much about Sarawat. Would it be weird for him to still know the details of Sarawat’s interests and dislikes? Well, we are supposed to be playing up our relationship for the cameras, he supposed.

“Hi everyone, we’re here for the May 2020 Issue for Kazz Magazine, we’ll be answering questions to find out which one of us knows the other better.” Sarawat introduced.

“The first question is what is the other person’s favourite drink, write it on the board, in 3… 2…1. What did you say for Sarawat, Tine?”

“Cola?”

“Ah, no not anymore.” They shared a glance, “I wrote Iced Mocha Frappe.”

“You’re right, that drink is still my Achilles heel.” Tine giggled.

“Okay how about the weirdest thing the other has eaten?” Sarawat and Tine were already laughing as the question was asked, they both immediately knew the answer.

“We’ll have the same answer, it’s crocodile meat. During university, we had a break and decided that we should go on a road trip, so we drove through different cities. In one city, we decided whoever was the first to make a pitstop for the toilet, would have to eat crocodile meat.” Tine explained animatedly, laughing as he recalled the story.

“Of course, it was Tine who lost, he would ask to stop every hour. So, we went to a stall that was famous for its crocodile meat and of course he started complaining about me not being a good friend and not being supportive. It ended up with us both trying it and ending up with very upset stomachs.”

The interviewer’s eyes widened, “Oh, so you both were university mates? No wonder you know so much about each other.”

The staff were loving their lowkey flirting and Tine just couldn’t believe how blunt Sarawat was being. Obviously, he was used to Sarawat’s bluntness, but here in front of the cameras?

“Okay we’ll ask individual questions about each other then. Would Tine rather be flirted with or would Tine like to pursue the other?”

“Definitely be flirted with. He’s too shy to be the first person to approach him.” Sarawat immediately answered, “Anyway, he has so many people approaching him already, he doesn’t need to try. He’s so easy to tease.” Tine laughed awkwardly at Sarawat’s teasing and confirmed the answer. He found Sarawat’s words confusing, he said with a hint of bitterness that probably couldn’t be heard by others. Tine’s overthinking mind was already processing the meaning of his words before he could stop himself.

“Sarawat clearly knows Tine well! Right, here’s a deeper question. Does Sarawat prefer being in love with someone, but not having the feelings returned or being in a relationship with someone who loves him, but he’ll never love them back?”

Tine glanced at Sarawat and quickly looked away when he saw that he had the other’s undivided attention. He knew the answer, how couldn’t he? He knew exactly what kind of person he is. “He would rather be in unrequited love. H-he has a lot of love to give and I think he’s a passionate person, he’s confident about the feelings and would show it regardless of if the other person loves him.”

Tine refused to look at Sarawat, “He’s right. I think love should always be felt and shown, even if it’s not returned. The only time I will leave is if I know that person doesn’t want me around anymore. If the person allows me to be in their life,  I would be there and love them openly until they didn’t need me anymore.” The melancholy in his voice made Tine look at him in curiosity, who did he love so deeply? Had he missed out on Sarawat’s first love in the years they weren’t in contact? Of course, he had it had been so many years, Sarawat had probably met so many people who touched his life deeper than Tine did.

The interviewer thanked them for their sincere answers and wrapped up the interview. Sarawat and Tine were still sitting as everyone wrapped up. Tine’s mind was in overdrive as he realised just how many details about Tine that Sarawat had recalled as if they were still close. He recalled them easily and effortlessly. Do I still mean as much to him as he does to me? He was brought out of his ocean of thoughts as someone called out his name, a voice he hadn’t heard in so long.

“My goodness, Tine. It is you! Come and let me see you properly.” Tine stood up quickly with the brightest smile as he saw Sarawat’s mum approaching. He had missed her so much!

“Aunty, how are you? I hope work is fine, is your schedule still so hectic?” He stood in the older woman’s arms as she smiled widely at him.

“I’m fine, son and gosh you’re still as caring as ever. I’ve decided to loosen the reigns at work a little bit but of course my boss complex gets in the way sometimes.” They both laugh in unison.

“Are you sure it’s only sometimes, mother?” Sarawat pouted at his mother, always a small child in front of her. “Have you forgotten your actual son now that your favourite kid is in front of you?” Sarawat’s mother slapped his arm lightly and agreed with the ‘favourite kid’ part which spread warmth into his heart. He had missed this, as he looked at the both of them fondly.

“You must come to dinner with us Tine! Sarawat didn’t even mention that this was a couple photoshoot but I’m so glad to have seen you after so long.” She shared a meaningful look with Sarawat which slightly confused Tine.

“I really wish I could join you, Aunty. I’m quite embarrassed but I have work due tomorrow that I may have not completed…”

Sarawat’s mother giggled, as her son shook his head at Tine with a fond look of disbelief, “Oh Tine darling, you’re still as cute as ever. Of course, studies come first! If only my son followed your example!” Sarawat rolled his eyes, “You must come to have dinner with me when I come next time. You are like a second son to me.” Her earnestness caused Tine to swallow a lump in his throat, he had really forgotten how connected he had been with Sarawat’s family, he had really missed being around them.

He bid Sarawat’s mother farewell and waved awkwardly at Sarawat who had nodded at him with a soft smile.

As he walked away, he left with a fuzzy feeling in his stomach. Sarawat had remembered so much about him, as if he still thought of Tine as an important person in his life. Then, Sarawat’s mother had come and reminded him of the love that he was given by Sarawat and his family. He had missed this feeling so much. Sarawat had watched Tine and his mother interact with such a fond expression as if he was content with what was happening. Tine was still being cautious of course, but it was Sarawat who had been so open and casual with him today that had him confused.

Whatever, he would just compartmentalise it as he usually did with his problems, he would write is essay tonight and think about impending emotional problems tomorrow.

Tine had slept at approximately 4am, as he tried to write his essay with full concentration and no other thoughts at all. He was woken up by an incessant vibrating sound from next to his ears. Who was texting him? His friends knew he was doing work all night (thanks to him spamming them on Snapchat with different stages of his essay writing breakdown).

“Hey, its Sarawat. Um I don’t have your number so I thought I could message on here? I will be picking you up at 6pm.”

Wait what. “And why will you be picking me up?” Tine rubbed his eyes in confusion.

“We have a date today, Tine.” Tine’s eyes widened and he put his heads in his hands.

“Oh dammit! I forgot. What are we doing today anyway?”

“You’ll find out when we’re doing it.” Sarawat was as frustrating as always.

“Wait, what should I wear? I need to know what we’re doing!”

Sarawat left him on read after that. Bastard.

Fine he’ll just wear the most casual clothes he has, and he won’t do any makeup. Serves Sarawat right.

In fact, it was 5:30pm and Tine was sitting on the floor, on a pile of clothes that he had tried on. Nothing was suiting him today, he hated how he felt that he needs to put in effort for this. The reality was, that he wanted to look good, he was nervous about this.

It’s not a real date, Tine. Don’t treat it like one! He tried to convince himself.

He stood up and decided on the burgundy turtleneck that fitted his body well and he put on light concealer. He felt ready finally, but his nerves didn’t subside. He waited for his doorbell to ring. Instead, he received a text telling to come outside. Who told him romance is dead?

Tine walked to the car in false confidence. He looked into the car and asked, “Uber for Tine?” Sarawat snorted, he definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“Get in, nuisance.” There, the use of the old nickname had him flustered again, he got in silently and pointed his head at the radio, “Yeah, yeah put on music then. Wait, I have your Scrubb CD in that compartment, you can find it.”

He still had it? He wasn’t expecting that at all. Sarawat had said it so nonchalantly as if this was completely normal.

“O-okay, don’t complain when that’s all I play during these ‘dates’” Tine nervously chattered. “Where even are we going? And what are we supposed to do? Upload stuff on social media, and then what? Are paparazzi going to follow us?”

“Breathe, Tine. I just thought we could do something casual like go to the arcade. We’ll play games and eat snacks, it’s ambiguous enough that it could be seen as a date or just us chilling together.”

“Oh, that sounds good actually.” Sarawat nodded at him and hummed along to the song. They were quiet for the rest of the ride. Unlike last time, it was a comfortable silence where Tine could just listen to the music without him being hyperaware about the man next to him.

They were stuck in the traffic for a while, when Sarawat took out his camera and filmed Tine whilst saying “I’m his chauffeur for the day everybody.”

“I’ll have to rate you after you have dropped me off to the destination, I can’t say you’re a flawless driver yet.” Tine played along, Sarawat ended the video with laughter.

“Driving down this road is always hell.”

“Obviously, that’s why we would have cards in your car to play with during the half-hour the traffic wouldn’t budge!”

“I don’t have anyone to play it with, so I don’t keep them in the car anymore.” Sarawat murmured, Tine looked confused at the confession. “I mean, I don’t really drive anywhere, my manager usually drives me.”

“Ah yeah, same, That’s why I’ve just given my car to Type.”

“Man was talking about the car, he was complaining that Type had a better car than him now!” Sarawat said in an amused tone.

“That’s so like Man… he always complains about the most random things.” Tine laughed along.

“They miss you, you know?” Sarawat looked at him with a soft smile. It’s his fault he couldn’t see them anymore. Sarawat had brought so many important people in his life, but it just didn’t feel right to stay so close with all of them.

“I miss them too. I mean, I see Man sometimes whenever I see Type, he’s always at my parent’s house eating anyway!” Tine tried to ease the atmosphere. Sarawat looked like he wanted to say more, say it you coward. I can’t read your mind but I want to know just once, what you’re thinking.

Instead, Tine’s luck struck again and the traffic started to move, effectively breaking the moment. It was quiet until they reached the arcade. Tine tried to subtly watch Sarawat park, he’d once loved to see Sarawat completely focused on one thing, he would always be focused but have his usual laidback energy that was attractive. Tine cleared his throat and gathered his things to distract himself from what was next to him.

The arcade was fun. There weren’t many days that Tine would just go out on his days off, instead choosing to stay inside and be the homebody he is. Being here with Sarawat was like a breath of fresh air. They always got so competitive, even before and it would somehow always end with a sulky Sarawat because the almighty Sarawat seriously sucked at these games.

Today was no exception, Sarawat had announced at the beginning of their ‘date’ that he  would be going home with a big bunny plushie, which would be won by Sarawat. “You’ll brag about it on Instagram and I’ll look like such a great partner.” Tine had rolled his eyes at Wat’s arrogance.

Right now, he was laughing at Sarawat losing five times at the gun game that required for him to hit bulls eye three times, so far he had hit it once overall in five games. “I’ve given you enough time now, let me try and win you the plushie now.” Sarawat narrowed his eyes at him but moved aside.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

As he turned around, he laughed at Sarawat’s expression. “Here take this rabbit plushie, so that you remember it was me who won it for you.” Tine cackled as he took out his phone and started recording, “Someone is pouty because he couldn’t win it for me, but me being the talented person I am got this for him.” He expected Wat to sneer at him or something. Instead, he buried his chin into the plushie as he looked at Tine with puppy eyes and an exaggerated pout.

Fuck. Why did eyes hold so much power him, still, “Thank you, Tine.” Tine had forgotten that he was still recording and quickly uploaded whatever he had recorded onto his story. The puppy-eyed smile that had always made his knees go weak returned.

Tine was completely and utterly doomed.

They continued to try out other games and casually chatted their way through the games. “You know my mum is going to force you to come over for dinner now that’s she’s seen you? She keeps asking about you.”

“Oh, I’d love that actually. I’d love to catch up with Phukong as well, it’s been a while.” They shared a smile, “My mum asks about you too. She was actually so excited about this project, said something about reviving the friendship…” Tine laughed awkwardly.

“It’s been nice. This whole thing feels like old times.” Tine’s eyes widened at the sudden declaration, but Sarawat didn’t go further, instead, “I was going to meet Man and Boss afterwards, do you want to come? You could invite Fong and the others as well.”

 There’d be no harm in that, right. Especially if Tine had his friends with him, nothing would happen. “Sure, I’ll text them.” Sarawat clearly didn’t expect such a quick affirmation but nodded casually.

“Okay, should we get going then?” They started collecting all of their things and began to walk to the bar.

The sun was setting outside as they walked beside each other. The orange hues of the sky set on Sarawat and made him look like an untouchable entity. As they walked, he saw the attention that Sarawat got from strangers on the street, just like it would be at university. Sarawat left an impression on everybody that saw him, he just had that classic beauty. In the beginning, Tine had always been insecure about being next to Sarawat but it had been Sarawat that would affirm Tine’s beauty. Wat would never act differently because of the attention he got, that was one of the things he admired so much about the man next to him.

They walked in comfortable silence, disrupted by small comments here and there about music, about the sports car that they had just seen, but mostly Tine was able to throw small glances at Wat and had to stop himself from smiling so much.

They walked up to the bar, Sarawat had opened the door for him, always the gentleman. As he walked in, he stood awkwardly until he saw Man and Boss wave enthusiastically at him and shouting his name. He had truly missed these idiots. As they walked to their seats, Man and Boss slapped Tine’s back in greeting, “I’m so glad you could make it, Tine. Now I’ve officially seen you more times this year than Tine has!” Tine laughed at the statement; Man always said the most ridiculous things.

“Wow, my son has grown so big, he’s even taller than me now.” Boss fake cried.

“I’ve always been taller than you Boss.” They all laughed at the fact.

He heard his friends enter before he saw them, Man and Boss stood up quickly to greet them. They had all been so close at one point and he knew they still hung out without him, but it was less than the old days and it was all because of Sarawat and Tine’s ending. He had missed all of them being together, the silliness, the bad decisions and the unruly drinking.

Fong came up to him, with an expression as if to ask what the hell he was doing, mixed with concern. “I’m fine, I promise! I just thought it would be nice if we all hung out like before.”

“If you’re sure, dumbass. As soon as you need to leave tell me.” Tine hummed in acknowledgment and handed Fong a drink which he rejected as he took on the ‘sober friend’ role whilst shaking his head at his ridiculous friend.

They were all catching up,  talking in pairs, firstly Man talked to Tine about work and then Boss chimed in about his own promotion. Boss was now manager at the charity foundation that he worked in which was the reason they were meeting up for drinks. They all congratulated him and drunk in cheers to him. They all continued to make jokes about how Phuak was now the first one to settle down with his wife, when he had been the one with the most romantic struggles during university. Tine watched all of his friends interact with a fond smile on his face, there was no awkwardness which he had feared.

Now, Sarawat and Tine were the only ones still sitting at the table as the others were hanging out near the bar. Tine was quite possibly tipsy; he made his way to sit next to Sarawat. Sarawat hadn’t drank that much, he could see that. He was looking at Tine in fond exasperation. He put his arm out behind Tine to make sure that he wouldn’t fall, if Tine played up the incoordination to feel those arms around, nobody needed to know that.

 The arms tightened around his waist, and Tine became putty. He wanted to rest his head on Sarawat’s shoulder and feel his hands in his hair. Sarawat had always looked after drunk Tine during university, he was always the one who would stand beside him at the bar, dance with him even though he hated it and would make sure nobody took advantage of the naïve Tine that he would become after a few drinks.

Tine put his head in his arms that rested on the table, “Thank you for today, Wat. It was the most fun I’ve had in a while.” He was sure had just slurred some words, but it was okay because Sarawat was chuckling at him.

He just felt his head being patted, he got goose-bumps at the action. He looked up at Sarawat with a pout as he smiled down at him. “I’m glad you had fun, nuisance.” Sarawat took his hands off his head and he wanted to complain.

Put them back, keep your arms around me. They belong there Sarawat, don’t you see.

Instead, he heard Wat sing along to the song that was being played in a low tone until Tine had started to sing along in his offkey high-pitched drunken voice which caused them both to fall into laughter.

The boys were returning to their seats and were looking at the both of them with matching smirks, “Oho! look at these cosy friends. You can go continue your date if we’re disrupting.”

“Shut up Boss.”   “It wasn’t a date!”

The boys started guffawing at the sudden denial. “We’re just joking, of course, it wasn’t a date. Sarawat’s boy would be so disappointed if that was the case.”

What.  

“Yeah, Third would never allow that if that was the case!” Man exclaimed, in between giggles. Sarawat laughed along in exasperation, as he used to when they would tease him about Tine back then.

Oh.

It felt like someone had thrown ice-water at Tine, quickly eroding the pleasant buzz away. The world came to a halt as Tine’s buzzed mind processed the words. “Sarawat’s boy,” he had somebody else in his life. He could feel the tears build up in his eyes and he knew he couldn’t stay here any longer. The breaking point was when Sarawat looked at him in confusion at his sudden change in demeanour. He had no fucking clue.

Fong quickly realised the gravity of the situation, “It was so nice to catch up with you guys! Tine and I have got to go, we’ve got plans early in the morning.” Fong shared a look of understanding with Phuak and Ohm. They all knew.

Tine was on autopilot as he said goodbye to all of them, he knew he was close to losing it but he would wait to be in Fong’s car until he would let loose.

He sat in Fong’s passenger seat and urged Fong to just drive. He felt numb. Sarawat had found somebody to love openly, someone so understanding who let Sarawat fake date a fellow model for his career. He realised that Sarawat was freer and more open lately, not because he was becoming closer to Tine again but because he had this boy in his life.

Tine hated himself the most, in this situation. Wat didn’t do anything wrong, he was just doing his job but instead, Tine let him into his heart again. A few hours of hanging out, teasing during work, nicknames were enough for Tine to give into having Sarawat into his life again. God, he was pathetic.

The truth was losing Tine was probably a good thing for Sarawat, he was rid of the best friend that would cling to him, that would prevent any other person from approaching him. Now, Tine had left and he had met someone who could love him as he deserved.

After this week, he had slowly been accepting Sarawat back into his life, but now he knew he couldn’t be that selfish. He will stay away from him unless work required it. He wouldn’t block Wat’s chance at happiness when Tine couldn’t be the one. He would stop being the nuisance that Sarawat never asked for.

Chapter Text

Tine hated feeling like this. Why did this man still have the power to turn his whole world upside down?

Tine always tried to avoid situations like these, he hated feeling cut open in front of everyone. Tine hid behind his jokes; he never allowed anyone to see how their words affected him, and most of the time, he was never open about his feelings. It was easy for him to tell you his opinion on a certain law or which football team was superior (Arsenal), but when it came to his own emotions pertaining to his own problems? That was a barricaded and isolated space. 

He knew his friends would love him no matter what, but it was hard opening up.

But there was one, someone who would demand to know his feelings but always made sure he or others didn’t overstep Tine’s boundaries.

Sarawat.

Before him, Tine was bad at refusing to do things for others—which in turn, often caused a lot of people to walk all over him. When Sarawat came into his life, Tine didn’t magically become more outspoken. No, instead Sarawat would be unapologetically himself and sometimes too open about his feelings, and Tine learnt along the way that it was okay to be openly hurt about things people do; to voice a complaint every once in a while, or to show appreciation in words.

In turn, Sarawat had learnt to be nicer about things, to show empathy to others and that letting people into his life wasn’t so bad.

That’s the type of person Sarawat had been for him. Yet, here he was, hurt the most by the person who he cherished the most.

Now, he realised that the flirting, the caring gestures, and the details he knew about Tine, those were all for show. It was for this ridiculous fake relationship to seem more real to those on the outside. He knew he should have never agreed to this.

There were so many moments that Tine couldn’t get out of his head. Why had he been so open during the date? Why had he looked like he’d missed seeing Tine interact with his mother? Why did he still look at Tine like he was still his most precious person?

If he’s doing all of these things just for the sake of the fake relationship, why did everything seem so genuine? Every moment between them thus far, when Tine had looked into Sarawat’s eyes, he saw genuine happiness that Sarawat could never possibly fake. Sarawat had never been so pretentious, nor did he ever care enough to pretend to be something he wasn’t. Then again, it had been years, since Tine had the privilege of knowing Wat so personally.

 Tine had another realisation. Third was probably Sarawat’s first love, the one he loved so deeply and had even answered about in the interview. That wistful and private smile had been for Third only. Tine felt his insides turn and tears build-up at the thought.

He had thought deep down that maybe he still had a chance with Sarawat. That he could be that person for him again and make it up to him for whatever reason he left. Instead, Sarawat had found someone better. It was probably better this way, Tine thought. I’ll just go back to work and pretend there’s nothing wrong with me. Business as usual.  

He would act civil, finish this project and then leave his past behind him. That’s all Sarawat was his past that kept him tied down to his memories. Sarawat had found his love when he had finally walked out of Tine’s life. The man that owned his heart could never be his.

After that night, Tine had tried to go under the radar. He refused to reply to his friends, he never left the house, and especially avoided going on the internet. He knew what he would see. Speculation relating to Sarawat and him, if they were dating, how they knew each other so well. Tine knew he couldn’t avoid this for much longer, he had work tomorrow.

He had woken up late, after tossing and turning for most of the night he had only managed to catch 3 hours of sleep and now he had to deal with Sarawat and God knows what else for the rest of the day. He figured an espresso shot was exactly what he needed but as he looked at the clock, he realised he’d either have to choose to drink the coffee or saving his own life; his manager would kill him if he was any later.

Today, they were to have a meeting with GMMTV, the entertainment company who had promised them representatives for this project. He had to be extra professional and be the positive force he was known to be, but he was tired. He really hopes that the GMMTV building has a coffee shop, because, without that, today simply wasn’t happening. He pulled up in the car park and saw that his manager was standing outside looking stressed. Tine started smiling, at least he had his manager there to tease to improve his own mood.

“Thank you, kind sir for actually making it,” His manager exaggeratedly bowed, Tine starting giggling.

“You’re welcome, you know I couldn’t let you down… although I did think about it.” He stuck his tongue out as his manager glared at him. Maybe today would be okay.

As he walked in Sarawat was in the waiting area but stood up as soon as he saw Tine. Or maybe not.

“Hey Tine, I got you this.” Tine looked down and saw an Iced Mocha Frappe. He looked up at Sarawat in shock. “Take it, your manager told me you woke up late so I figured you wouldn’t have had any coffee this morning. Here.” Tine didn’t want to take it, he didn’t want to focus on the fact that Sarawat had memorised his new favourite drink.

Why did he do things like this? Didn’t he need to focus on learning Third’s favourite things? There were no cameras to catch this moment, so it couldn’t even be for this stupid PR relationship. Whatever, maybe Sarawat now did these things for friends.

“Thanks.” Tine sat down and drank the drink silently whilst scrolling through his phone.

Wat looked like he wanted to say more but thankfully the receptionist ushered them upstairs for the meeting.

As the meeting proceeded, they sat around a round table and Tine had introduced the concept behind the project, “As I’m sure you’ve seen in the files, we used local materials for the clothes and gave local creatives a platform to debut their design pieces, along with Sarawat and I’s input. The main point of this project was to raise awareness but also give the affected area a sustainable way to grow and heal from the damage.” He had probably done pretty well with that introduction if the facial expressions on the GMMTV executives were anything to go by.

He pretended not to see Sarawat’s small proud smile. Sarawat then continued to explain the detailed pieces and what kind of personalities be needed to represent each piece.

With the semantics of the project discussed, the possible candidates for the project needed to be decided. There were profiles ready for the possible candidates, 3 of which had already been confirmed to be on the project. “We’ll take these files and confirm the 3 other candidates we’ll require for the project as soon as possible.” Tine’s manager stated.

“Of course, we have already confirmed the three following representatives: Earn, Pete and Third.” The executive announced, “Third was particularly passionate about this, he often engages in projects like these.” Wait.

Third? Sarawat’s Third? How did he not connect the dots, Sarawat’s boyfriend was the Third that was named one of the most talented young actors of this generation. Did Wat know about this?

He looked over at him and Sarawat had a soft smile, at the mention of Third’s name. Of course, he knew that his boyfriend would be part of this project. He had probably insisted on him being in it. Tine was feeling so many things at the same time, irritation at being the only one who had no clue, jealousy and betrayal.

This was meant to be Sarawat and Tine’s project. Not in the publicity sense, but this project was meant to mean the revival of their friendship. Now, for Sarawat he would remember this as the first project he had worked with his boyfriend for. Tine just wanted to get out of this room and leave. Really, he wanted this all to be over so he could stop feeling like his heart was being stepped on, over and over again.

The meeting concluded soon after that, Tine thanked them all and left quickly after confirming his schedule for tomorrow with his manager. He walked as quickly as he could and thought he had avoided drama for the day but when he reached his car, he felt someone tap his shoulders.

It was Sarawat. “Hey, Tine, could you just drop me off to the station? I didn’t bring my car with me today.” Tine looked at Wat’s manager, why wasn’t he going with him ?

“My manager is going the other way, so I didn’t want him to go out of his way, and I know you live in the direction near the station.” Sarawat seemed apologetic but determined. Tine knew he was going to try to talk to him. Tine just signalled towards the car as if to tell him to get in.

The car ride was awkward as expected. Gone was the comfortable silence that had enveloped the ‘date,’ now there was something heavy in the air that Tine didn’t want to address and left Sarawat in confusion. Tine felt his stares but refused to look back. However, Sarawat didn’t speak to him at all, small blessings.

As he drove closer to the station, he heard Sarawat sigh. He was all too familiar with the sigh that would always indicate his frustration, he also knew if he met his gaze right now he would see perfect brows arched and eye narrowed at him in annoyance. He continued to look ahead as he started to slow down and park near the station.

“Well, here it is.”

“I messaged you. That night, I messaged you. I was worried, you left in such a hurry and I didn’t get to say bye or anything.” Sarawat waited for Tine’s reply. He continued when he realised he wasn’t going to get one, “Is everything okay? You’ve been really quiet today.”

Tine laughed, it was empty, he was usually good at hiding his feelings but right now he was tired and wished Sarawat would just leave. “I’m tired, I woke up late and that just put me in a mood today, I’ll be okay.” Tine smiled at Sarawat in what he’d hoped was a reassuring smile, “About the messages, I didn’t really charge my phone all weekend, I’m sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I just didn’t see them.”

“Oh, okay. Why did you leave in such a hurry? I thought you were having fun.” Sarawat teased.

Fuck you, Sarawat. Of course, he remembered his drunken words.

“I was but I’m not the party animal I once was, I just wanted to get into my bed and sleep.” Tine protested.

“You were already using me as a pillow, I would’ve let you sleep on my shoulder.” Tine’s eyes widened, was Sarawat seriously flirting with him right now?  Why did he say these things as if he didn’t have Third already? Sarawat always confused Tine so much, even when they were friends he would say things that had everyone thinking that Sarawat liked Tine that way.

“You were a terrible pillow. I wouldn’t recommend that experience to anyone.”

“You were enjoying it, Tine. If your smiles and sighs were anything to go by.”

“In your dreams, Sarawat.” Tine was so enraged at the whole situation. Why was he teasing him like this right now? Tine’s eyebrows furrowed in anger and he knew he was pouting but he couldn’t help it.

“There, that’s the moody bunny, I know. You can’t hide your feelings from me.” Sarawat reached forward and stroked the area between his brows until Tine’s eyebrows relaxed. Tine’s eyes crossed as Sarawat came closer, his fond Tine smile was on his face. He was there right in front of him and then in a flash he picked up his things and got out of the car. He still had that frustrating smile on his face as he left, “Thanks for the ride, Tine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

What in the living hell was that? Tine’s mind was reeling from serious whiplash. Had he just been played by Sarawat? Why did he let Sarawat get so close to him? Why was Sarawat so flirty when he had someone already?

Sarawat had caught him in such a vulnerable and confused state that he hadn’t even been able to process what was happening. I let him get so close, again. Even though I know that this is just some sick game or way for Sarawat to be friends with me with again, I let him do whatever he wants.

Maybe this was a blessing. Sarawat hadn’t enquired further into Tine’s sudden departure, nor did he push him for why he would ignore his messages. Perhaps, it was better to just let Sarawat act this way so that he didn’t have any suspicions of Tine’s feelings.

But it hurt. The words coming out from Sarawat’s mouth weren’t said for the reason Tine wanted them to be said. Sarawat didn’t want him and would only ever see him as this platonic friend that he could tease without any real implications for him. Tine was only ever a friend for Sarawat, and it hurt his heart.

As Tine pulled up to his house, he decided it was probably good if he finally checked his messages and calls in case his friends were really worried. Although, he knew they knew that he usually just needed time to come around and talk. As he scrolled through the messages, his group chat had a lot of messages that he would need to sit down to get through, a few messages from Pear asking if he was alright (Fong had probably already told her).

What shocked him were the 4 unread messages from an unsaved number.

“Hey you left so quickly and you didn’t say bye?”

“I hope you get home safe, message me when you do.”

“I hope you had fun today. Sorry if Man and Boss were too overwhelming.”

“Goodnight, Tine.”

He willed his heart to stop beating so fast at the messages. He felt warmth return to his body but he quickly stopped his thoughts. Nope. These were friendly messages that he would have sent to any of his friends to check if they were okay. It meant nothing else to Sarawat so it couldn’t mean anything else to Tine either.

Instead he chose to message his friends a quick hello and check in on them. He apologised for his sudden disappearance but was quickly met with reassuring messages. He was so lucky to have such understanding friends.

Tomorrow was going to be painful. It was the day they would meet the GMMTV representatives and he would have to watch Sarawat and Third interact. He didn’t understand how he was going to deal with it but he was just going to have to endure. Besides, he would only have to see them together for a few more weeks until he could go back to not having Sarawat in his life anymore.

______________________________________

The next day he had arrived at the office building early, he helped the staff set up the props for the practice shoots they were having to see which garment would suit which representative. He busied himself with remembering the concepts properly and envisioning exactly what he wanted. Sarawat hadn’t arrived yet which was unusual because he was normally there before him already running things. A sense of dread predicted Sarawat arriving with Third.

Whatever, they can do whatever they please. Instead, Tine put his head down and got to work.

“Tine!” He was pulled from his concentration as he looked up and saw Earn approaching. It had been a while since he’d seen her. He saw that she had cut her hair and she had a healthy glow on her face. Tine was smug at the fact that his friend had done that to her. Pear’s power never ceased to amaze him.

“Our great representative Earn, thank you for blessing us with your involvement in this project.” He exaggeratedly bowed down at her, causing her to slap his back at his antics and laugh.

“Ah come off it, I’m obviously doing it because Pear forced me to,” Tine looked at her in worry, he really hoped that wasn’t the case, he didn’t want her to feel obliged. “I’m joking Tine. I promise I want to do this, I’m so proud of you and Sarawat for this! I’m honoured to be part of it.” Tine laughed in relief.

“Pear’s been worried about you, she wouldn’t go into details but you know I’m here for you Tine… If you want to get it off your chest.” Earn was never good with being open about emotions but as awkward as this was, he appreciated it. Again, even though Earn was his best friend’s girlfriend, he still felt awkward being particularly close to her. She had been Sarawat’s friend first, he had even though there was something between them until Sarawat had come out as gay and whilst Earn was bisexual, Sarawat was in her words “my bro.” Tine would feel weird talking about all of this with her, but still he thanked her.

“Oh look at who finally decided to turn up.” Earn smirked as she stared behind Tine. He turned around and his smile disappeared from his face. He was right. They had come together.

Third was a small man, but he had an alluring presence that forced everyone’s eyes to be on him. He was beautiful, dammit. His beautiful and symmetrical face made him a unique but delicate sort of beauty. As Sarawat walked next to him, he realised how good they looked together. Sarawat smiled down at him whilst Third just walked obliviously speaking. Yeah, this definitely hurt.

He clearly wasn’t hiding his emotions well, as Earn’s smirk fell off her face instead, replaced with a concerned look towards Tine. Fix up, Tine. You can’t mope around and let this affect something you’ve worked so hard on it. He sent a smile towards Earn and walked towards the café inside the office. Coffee could fix this, probably.

When he walked back in, everyone was already there. There were 6 representatives from GMM , their managers and Tine’s manager was there. Sarawat was also there, his eyes followed Tine as he walked through the room and sat. He felt so weird, as he felt everyone’s eyes on him and everyone quieted down waiting for the session to begin.

Tine chose to sit in the seat between Earn and his manager. His manager patted his back as he began, “Thank you everyone for coming, thank you for being part of this project. It really does mean a lot to us, Sarawat and Tine have developed these garments over the last month and now we want you all to be involved in promoting the garments. More importantly, we think this is the best way to raise awareness. Right, now Sarawat will briefly explain each concept and we’ll try to find the perfect concept for everyone.” His manager nodded at Sarawat.

“Yes, hello. We have 6 main garment pieces, 3 garments for our casual and outdoor concept, then 3 for the more elegant and mature concepts.” He pointed towards the mood board that Tine had compiled. “As you can see through the mood board those are the photo shoot concepts we will be going with. You all need to choose one garment and then we’ll begin our mock shoots.”

The silence was broken, and everyone was once again speaking to each other. They were all excited and that was nice to see. He refused to look at Sarawat because he knew he would see something that probably wasn’t good for him. Instead, he got up and walked towards the mature concept set up. He was going to be directing this concept, whereas Sarawat would be directing the outdoors concept. As he read through the steps he’d written for himself, he felt someone behind him.

Third.

“Hi! I don’t think we’ve met before. I just wanted to tell you that I love this entire concept and Wat told me that you had mostly developed it.” He smiled at him shyly. Tine wasn’t expecting this at all, and all he could hear was the other man’s use of ‘Wat.’ There was a time where only Tine could say that without Sarawat getting annoyed. Lost in his thoughts, he’d forgotten that Third was actually in front of him waiting for a reply.

Tine awkwardly laughed, “Ah, thank you. It’s all new for me I wasn’t really sure at the beginning, but I guess it’s worked out fine.” Tine hated how insecure he sounded about his work. Why couldn’t even he ever speak about his achievements without stuttering.

“No seriously, you did such a good job. I can’t wait to work with you.” Third’s smile deepened until he could see dimples. God, he was so nice and friendly. No wonder he got through Sarawat’s barriers that even Tine couldn’t get through. As empty as he felt, he was glad that at least Sarawat had found someone who would make him happy.

It was surprisingly easy working with Third. Despite his innocent looks, his sultry expressions suit the concept perfectly, exactly what Tine had envisioned. The shoot had ended quickly with Tine thanking him quickly and moving onto Pete. Tine had not expected it but Pete was very passionate about what he was doing, he kept making suggestions and asking for guidance from Tine. Tine found it endearing and warmed to him throughout the shoot. By the end, they were on the same wavelength and had both established what was needed for Pete’s part.

He’d never really spoken to Pete but he had somehow found him intimidating. Now, they were laughing as they went over some outtakes, particularly at the ones that Pete had looked so serious that his nose was flaring, “Wait, I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“What were you thinking about so intensely hmm? Your boyfriend?” Pete’s boyfriend wasn’t a secret, Pete had actually become famous through a video he posted online defending Kao and inadvertently confessed his love for him to the whole nation.

“You’re really brave for saying that to someone you’ve known for five minutes.” Pete looked at Tine in fake annoyance, “You’re right though. Sorry, I’ll control my expressions better.”

Tine giggled at the confession, “Don’t apologise, it’s quite cute to see how the great Pete can be shaken by just thinking about his boyfriend!” Pete laughed in agreement.

Tine looked over Pete’s shoulder to see if others were wrapping up and instead was met with Sarawat’s intense glare. What had he done for Sarawat to stare at him like that? Sarawat didn’t stop staring even as Tine stared back, instead his eyebrows began to furrow, it felt like they were the only people in the room, Tine didn’t even want to know why he was on the receiving end of such a look, why would he be angry at Tine? They hadn’t even interacted today; Tine had made sure that he hadn’t even been near him.

The moment was effectively broken as Third walked up to Sarawat causing for the intense look to leave his face, being replaced by a smile. Wow, Third really did make him happy. All Tine did was make him angry, for whatever reason he didn’t know but clearly Third was better for him.

The happiness he had felt because of his work was soured from that one shared moment, he hated this so much. He didn’t want to feel like this anymore. He began to wrap up quickly.

“Hey Tine! Do you want to come for dinner, I think a few of us were just going to go get something small.” Earn pointed at Sarawat and Third who were near the door, in their own world and Pete who smiled at Tine kindly.

“Ah no thanks, I’ll pass today. We definitely have to catch up later though!” Tine rushed as he gathered his things and gave Earn a quick hug, waved at Pete and left quickly. It felt like he was running to his car but he didn’t care, as long as he got out of there quickly. Sarawat probably hadn’t even noticed that he left without saying goodbye.

He hated himself for expecting texts from Sarawat. He thought that maybe he would do the same as he did that night, but Tine was so foolish to even think that. Today, his boyfriend was with him, why would he focus on Tine?

As he was getting ready for bed, he heard his phone vibrate.

“Come to mine tomorrow. We haven’t done anything together in a while.”

“For the publicity relationship.”

Wow. Not the texts he wanted, he couldn’t hold his anger in.

“Why are you messaging me at midnight? Don’t you have other things to worry about?”

“And why would I come to yours? We can just go to a coffee shop and pretend we bought each other coffee or whatever.”

“My manager reminded me and I was going to ask you today, but I couldn’t catch you alone. You were preoccupied with someone.”

What the hell did that mean?

“Come to mine tomorrow night. We have to make it more believable. I still live at the condo.”

Arrogant asshole. Tine realised that they hadn’t actually pushed the whole relationship since the last date. The ‘date’ had created so much buzz online that Tine couldn’t physically read. When he finally brought himself to read reactions, they were all about how in love they looked, how Sarawat had looked at him so differently and fondly, how he only cared about Tine like that.

Lies, lies, lies. They were selling lies to everyone. Lies that would never be the reality of the situation. But he had signed up to this after all.

“Okay fine, see you tomorrow.”

                        _____________________________________

Tine had woken up late and had proceeded to lay in bed all day, just scrolling through twitter and continued his Attack on Titan marathon. The ‘date’ tonight was lingering in the back of his head and didn’t let him properly focus on anything all day. He wanted to back out of the plan so badly, but he knew he couldn’t. It wasn’t worth the effort explaining why he couldn’t do what he had promised to.

Instead, Tine got up and ate something quickly. He refused to put in effort for tonight, so instead he tried to clean the house until it was nearly time for him to leave. He got into the shower and tried to avoid overthinking about what tonight would be like. They hadn’t been alone in so long in a private place, he didn’t want to even think about how much he would struggle with it.

He got out of the shower and put on whatever comfortable clothes he could find. He refused to look like an overdressed fool to visit someone’s house. He looked at himself in the mirror and something nagged at him to put on some makeup and comb his unruly waves, but he resisted the urge.

The ride to Sarawat’s was really short but if he had driven extra slow on purpose and taken the longer route, that was his business only. Sarawat still lived in his old combo, Tine had every possible route to the condo memorised, he had practically lived there at one point.

He walked towards Sarawat’s condo and collected his nerves before ringing the doorbell. His hands were already beginning to shake, he tried to calm them by patting his thighs, but he couldn’t help but think about all of the times he was outside here. He had come here in times of need, when he was bored and simply when he just wanted to see Wat’s face to make his day better. He no longer had those privileges, instead he was here for some fake date.

The door opened abruptly and the sight of Sarawat in grey sweatpants and a black tee welcomed him. Well, fuck. His hair fell on his face as he looked down at Tine from the doorstep, he stared for a while then stepped aside. “Welcome to my humble abode.” He said with a deadpan expression.

“Why are you acting like I’ve never been here?” Tine looked around and saw that it hadn’t changed much except now Wat had an actual bed and shelves for his music records and books. He usually preferred sleeping only on the mattress because he got better sleep that way , his boyfriend probably forced him to get that. “I’m the one who used to sort out the mess that was your bedroom, remember.”

Sarawat guided him to the living room space that he rarely used before. Now, it was decorated with plants and a fancy glass table in the middle with brown leather chairs. He looked at Sarawat in a look of mock disbelief until Sarawat looked back, “What?”

“Oh, nothing. The simple Sarawat has turned into a sophisticated adult it seems.”

“You know my mother forced me to, something about me having to look respectable now to others.” Tine laughed at that in fondness, that sounded like something she would say.

It was silent for a while after that. He didn’t know if he was imagining it but Sarawat seemed cold towards him, as if the weird stare-down they had yesterday had actually been because of Sarawat being annoyed at him.

“You called me here, but you won’t even look at me?” Tine had had enough.

“It’s nothing, Tine. I told you we had to do this date thing soon anyway the managers were getting antsy.” Sarawat’s eyebrows furrowed deeper and he sighed loudly. He was terrible at hiding his anger.

“It wasn’t nothing. I know you’re annoyed about something, annoyed at me ,” Tine stepped into Sarawat’s space until there was barely any space between them. “This is meant to be a professional relationship. How is this going to work if you’re holding something against me but won’t talk about it?”

Sarawat stepped back and took a deep breath. “If we’re meant to make this fake relationship believable, if you keep ignoring me in public, how will people believe us? When you cling to other people and completely avoid me, what does that look like to other people? You’re talking about being professional, but you can’t even stand to even greet me or sit next to me.”

Tine was shocked at the other’s words. “But they were mostly our friends yesterday? I didn’t really think that we had to pretend in front of them. The main purpose for this relationship is to promote our project, we weren’t even filming behind the scenes videos?” Tine’s voice reached a higher pitch, he really didn’t understand why Sarawat was so heated about this.

“There were rookies there that don’t know us at all, only from what they read or hear from others. We have to make it believable for others, regardless. Instead, you chose to go sit with Pete and laugh with him, bond with him whilst your rumoured boyfriend was on the other side of the room.”

What the fuck. “First of all Wat, we were just talking. We’ve never worked together before obviously we have to talk and bond? Fuck this, I don’t need to explain myself to you.” Sarawat ran his hand through his hair and refused to meet Tine’s eyes. Tine knew that Sarawat was partially right. “I get it though. I promise I’ll think about my actions more, I care about this project just as much as you do. I know what I agreed to.”

Sarawat calmed at his words and cleared his throat. Thank God. He walked into his kitchen and fetched two glasses, “Want OJ?”

Tine didn’t know what came over him but he started laughing very hard, having to sit on the sofa “Yes, please,” he said as he gathered his wits.

Wat walked back in with two glasses of OJ and a very amused expression.

“You really never stop being a nuisance, do you?”

“You know me, Tine the nuisance.” He watched Sarawat turn on the PlayStation and set up the FIFA game, as they always did before.

“Barcelona vs Borussia Dortmund, for old times sake?” Sarawat challenged him. Ah, their classic game. Tine had always been Dortmund and Sarawat had been the other. If he remembered correctly, they had an even score of the amount of times both of them had won this classic.

Tine took out his phone and recorded himself as he shouted, “I’m going to kick your ass Wat, just watch!” Sarawat laughed and stuck his tongue out at the camera as their childishness came out to play with their competitiveness.

Whilst they were playing, the physical barrier that they had established before was forgotten as they kicked and punched each other lightly as the game progressed. Even with their focus increasing, they couldn’t help but laugh and insult each other playfully.

During extra time, Tine had managed to tap in an extra goal by Reus that led him to win the game. He jumped up and down and taunted the other as he recorded the victory for his story. “The best always wins! Admit that I’m the better football player!”

He had expected Sarawat to return an insult and demand a rematch, instead Wat pouted at the camera, “You are the better player, Tine. Only a kiss could help my bruised ego right now.” Tine stopped recording immediately and just stared at Sarawat, he was sure his eyes were as wide as saucers. “You really react to flirting, in the same way.” Wat murmured.

The adrenaline had left Tine’s body and instead his body had tensed as he looked down at Wat, “Is that you being subtle?”

“I never claimed I could be subtle. That comment could be taken as a joke anyway.”

Tine slapped Sarawat’s arm, the audacity of this man. “You’re ridiculous, Wat.” Sarawat laughed at the comment.

The night continued with a few more games, then they had ordered pizza, (“Of course, I ordered pineapple on pizza for you, I haven’t forgotten,”) Tine had tried really hard to hide his blush.

The chill atmosphere had suddenly taken a more serious turn as they ate their pizza together.

Sarawat turned to him and asked, “Do you think you’ve achieved the dreams that you used to speak about during university?” The Tine of the past had spoken about magnificent things that he would achieve when deep down inside he had existential crises weakly, which Sarawat would often witness.

“I think so? I wanted happiness the most, I think I’ve achieved that after a lot of hard work, I’ve got the right people in my life and I’m doing meaningful work that I always hoped I would.” He looked up at Sarawat, “There were things that I simply have given up on because it’s impossible to reach. But I’ve learnt that maybe it’s for the best. What about you?”

“There’s still more I want to do but I think I’m on the right path. There are some things that I’m missing but I think one day it will be a constant in my life.” Sarawat had been staring at the floor in deep thought when he suddenly looked across at Tine, “Nothing’s impossible Tine, you can probably still reach it if you tried.”

Tine broke the eye contact . It’s you, I want to reach. You’re not reachable anymore, maybe you never were, and I had just protected myself by never making a move. You’re happier with him and I can live without you. It’s hard right now, but I will learn to live with it just like I did before.

Rather than wallowing in his sad thoughts, he asked Sarawat about what more he wanted to do, found out that he wanted to write more songs and ultimately release a solo album. “Your voice is so special, Wat. You had fans back in university for a reason. I know you’ll succeed in music as well.” Sarawat had shyly smiled at him and whispered a thanks. Tine had in turn told him that he wanted to complete Law school and be an ambassador for human rights law in Thailand.

“You’ve always spoken out against injustice and defended the vulnerable, I’m proud of you. I know you’ll do well.” Sarawat had always encouraged him the most, and these words spread warmth to the tip of Tine’s fingers.

Tine knew this was stupid, he knew this would end up with him in tears and missing Sarawat even more when this was all over. For now, it was just nice. He had heard the encouragement he needed from the person he needed to hear it from the most, in some way they had bonded the most tonight than they had in the entirety of the past 2 months.

They were in the middle of laughing at a ridiculous story Tine was telling about Pear and Earn’s newly adopted dog, when suddenly Sarawat’s phone began ringing. His ringtone was ‘Everything’ by Scrubb which Tine didn’t get to ponder on as he saw Sarawat’s expression turned to one of worry.

“Hey Third? Breathe okay, tell me what’s wrong.” Tine couldn’t hear the other end of the line, but he knew it was obviously something serious as Sarawat stood up and went to put on his shoes. Sarawat gathered his car keys, “I’ll be right there okay, don’t move.” Sarawat said softly and cut the phone. He went to put on his jacket and turned around and looked at Tine as if he had just remembered that he was there.

That’s what he was, an afterthought. Tine truly felt like a nuisance in that moment. Before Sarawat could say anything, he collected what was left of his pride, “I’ll show myself out, you should go to- yeah, you should go. Thanks for tonight.” Tine couldn’t look at Sarawat as he gathered his things and speed-walked to his car. He started driving as soon as he got in, not letting himself react to what had just happened.

As he was stuck at a traffic light, he began to process what he was feeling. Tine had once been Sarawat’s biggest priority, he had never made him feel forgotten like that no matter how small Tine felt in this world. It was Sarawat who had the power to make him feel like the most precious human, it was no longer the case.

What did you expect? That’s his boyfriend, you’re merely a person from his past. I let him have so much power over me, even when I knew that he has someone else. Even though, I know he could never think of me that way.

Tine blinked away his tears as he began to drive again. He couldn’t keep opening up to Sarawat but he knew he couldn’t help it. Their bond was so natural even after all this time. It was fine, there were only a few weeks left until Tine wouldn’t see him anymore and he wouldn’t be so vulnerable after that.

____________________________________________

Needless to say, Tine didn’t have the best sleep that night. He kept tossing and turning and eventually just laid there whilst staring up at the ceiling. His thoughts were empty, he listened to music and drifted in and out of sleep. At 9am, he received a text from his manager asking him to come in earlier than planned for a quick debriefing with Sarawat. He had texted back a confirmation and got up to have a breakfast. He treated himself with a big breakfast with fried eggs and vegan sausages. The only thing that could speak to his soul right now was good food.

He felt considerably better after that and an espresso shot. He was ready for whatever was thrown at him today. He knew it would only get worse for him; he was just resigned to his fate at this point.

He walked into his manager’s office with a smile on his face ready to do whatever he needed to today regardless of whatever was happening in his personal life. His manager looked amused, “What’s got you in such a good mood today? Have you finally lost the plot?”

“People can’t even smile without being attacked nowadays!” Tine pouted,

“Yeah, yeah whatever. Get ready for the meeting, they should be here soon.” ‘They’ meaning Sarawat, but he wouldn’t let that spoil his mood.

“How should I get ready for this meeting… Should I take out my notepad to make notes?”

“You didn’t even do that at university, why would you do that now?” He hadn’t heard Sarawat walk in but refused to overreact.

Tine sneered at Sarawat, but before he could get a word in, he was interrupted by their manager.

“Alright boys calm down. We’ve got a lot to catch up on, so we’ll start now.” He sorted through his notes and began, “Firstly, good job with all the dates, the chemistry is really catching people’s eyes and we’ve seen an increase in donations. Now, we’ll just have to record more behind the scenes footage which is easy enough. What we wanted to inform you about was the masquerade ball that is planned at the end of this project.”

“A masquerade ball? Isn’t that a little out of our budget?” Sarawat enquired.

“It was, that’s why it was never an option. However, GMM have decided that they would host the ball and pay for expenses as their contribution to the project.”

“That’s really nice of them! But why are you looking at us like there’s a catch?” Tine was suspicious the moment the managers mentioned this meeting.

“Right, we just hoped that you both would go together. As each other’s dates.”

“You want us to go to a Masquerade ball together?! Wouldn’t this be near the end of the project, why would we still need to act like a couple?”

“It’s the final push. It would be our final chance at promoting the project just before our project ends. It just makes sense for you both to together, it wouldn’t be that much of a hassle. Just go shopping together later, pick out matching suits or something and call it a day!”

Tine was seriously annoyed at this point but once again, he was resigned to his fate. It would officially be the last time they would be together anyway. Whatever.

Sarawat didn’t look moved at all by this news which just annoyed Tine further. He had a boyfriend already who was involved in this project and would have to attend the ball and he was fine taking another person as a date? It didn’t make sense, but then again when did he ever make sense.

“Well, alright now that we’ve established that we should get moving to the studio.”

As they reached the studio, Tine stayed close to Sarawat remembering their argument about showing others how good their relationship supposedly was. He checked over the notes and discussed each stage of the shoot briefly with Sarawat. As the GMM representatives entered, they were ready to shoot the concepts they had chosen for themselves.

As he was helping set up the backdrop, he saw his manager walk towards him with a worried expression, “Tine there’s been a bit of a mix up with the schedules, Pete can’t make it in time to do the photoshoot with Third. We’re going to need someone else.”

“Oh, that’s okay, I can just do the shoot with Sarawat then, right?” Third had been listening in to the conversation, he smiled reassuringly at Tine. He probably thought that was a solution that would put Tine at ease, instead it had him completely panicked at the idea of having to direct Sarawat and his boyfriend (or crush, who knows?) at close proximity. Life really liked to throw him into the deep end.

As the manager told Sarawat the change of plans, he was on board and went to get ready for the shoot. He came out looking as flawless as ever, with dewy makeup and a white unbuttoned shirt. Tine looked away before Third or anyone else could catch him practically drool over the other man. How embarrassing.

As they began to get in the mood for the shoot, Tine briefly guided them through the kind of poses they were looking for. It was an intimate and sensual shoot, which made Tine feel like he was intruding as he stood behind the camera. To see the person, he had thought was made for him, fit someone else so perfectly hurt deeply. It was as if they were two pieces of a puzzle that just fit, Third’s head rested perfectly on Sarawat’s chest, whilst Sarawat looked down at him in an effective angle.

 Sarawat and Tine could never fit like that, instead they were two ships that meet each other in the night for brief moments, never the right timing, never the right place.

Tine remained professional and got the photos that he had planned for. It hurt too much to even look at Sarawat smile down at Third, but as always Tine was good at hiding behind a mask.

In the last few minutes of the shoot, Sarawat wouldn’t stop staring at Tine. He had thought he was being delusional, until he moved slightly and as he continued to move, Sarawat’s intense gaze followed. It was the camera he was meant to be seducing, but instead he stared right at Tine and smirked. Tine was sick of these games that he was playing. Third was in his arms but instead he chose to tease Tine.

As the shoot ended, Tine wanted to leave quickly. Instead, Earn dragged him to dinner at hers. Of course, with Tine’s luck being as amazing as it was, Sarawat and Third were also coming. Tine’s one solace was that Pear would be there for him, he could just stick with her. As they all walked towards Earn and Pear’s apartment, he felt out of place. He walked next to Earn but she was engaged in banter with Sarawat and he would rather not be involved so he stared distantly at the sky. Following the moon, absently spinning question after question in his head, trying to figure out the enigma that Sarawat was. The walk was quite short, and they reached the apartment soon enough.

As they walked into the apartment, Tine couldn’t help but smile brightly as his best friend, holding her puppy. Pear looked so at peace, as she let go of the dog and opened her arms for a hug. Tine dramatically walked towards her and hugged her strongly, “God, I’ve missed you.”

“If Mr. Popular wasn’t so popular, we would’ve seen each other sooner!” They laughed together, then Pear turned towards Sarawat and gave him a small hug and to Tine’s surprise she hugged Third as well. Had she known about Third? Of course, Pear saw Sarawat a lot as Earn and him were friends, but he hadn’t realised that Third was so woven into this friendship group now. Tine tried to not feel betrayed, had Pear hidden Sarawat’s new boyfriend from him? She wouldn’t do that. She knew about how terrible he had felt over the weekend, but Tine hadn’t told her it was because of Third. Surely, she wouldn’t keep something so important from him.

As Pear sat next to him, he busied himself in conversation with her, asking about her week and laughing at her ridiculous stories about her Art History professor. He was pretty much avoiding conversations with Sarawat and Third. Eventually, the entire group started talking together as they ate their Chinese takeaway. Tine began feeling left out once again, as they all laughed together at something he had completely missed, he hated feeling like he didn’t belong. He was tempted to just spit out an excuse and leave quickly but as he looked across the room, he met eyes with the one person he would always look at even in a room full of people.

Sarawat stared at him but eventually sent him a comforting smile. He could always tell when Tine was uncomfortable, but in this moment, he hated it. He didn’t want to share private moments with Sarawat anymore, he didn’t want to deceive himself with thoughts about what it might mean. Especially not when Third was sitting right there. Wat was still so attuned with whatever Tine went through, but Tine couldn’t read his actions anymore. Everything confused him and he knew this wasn’t good for his mental health. Love wasn’t meant to be this hard.

As he tuned back into the conversation, he saw that it was getting deeper as they all nursed their beer bottles. Earn suddenly looked Tine’s way, “Tine what’s going on with your love life, it feels like we don’t talk enough anymore!”

This was so embarrassing. How could he tell the entire room that he was still clinging onto the thread of hope that his love would return his love one day. That since the day he left, he tried to meet other people, but they could never keep his focus or pull his heart away from Sarawat’s grip. “Oh you know, I’ve gone on a few dates recently. I might actually go on a second date with the last person I saw.” Tine laughed awkwardly.

“Good for you, Tine! I wish I was confident enough in going out there and actively dating.” Third spoke up which surprised Tine. He was quiet for most of the conversation.

“I haven’t dated in so long, I just started after a while. It was nerve-wracking but I think it gets easier the more it happens.” Tine explained as he reflected on his experience. Pear rested her head on his shoulder.

“I’m so proud of you Tine, anyone getting a chance to date you is so lucky. My best friend is so kind and loving, people just don’t realise!” Ah, lightweight Pear had appeared for the night. Everyone laughed at Pear’s drunken rant.

“She’s right.” Sarawat spoke up, “They’re lucky to have that chance, you’re a great person, Tine. Anyone would lucky to have someone like you loving them.” As Sarawat trailed off, he looked wistful? Were Tine’s eyes deceiving him? But then again, his words sounded sad as well. That lucky person is you , Saraleo. Instead of screaming at him, which is exactly what he wanted to, he murmured a thanks and began to collect the rubbish. He reached the kitchen and busied himself with the task of cleaning up instead of breaking down. He heard someone enter, he turned around and saw Third empty rubbish into the bin.

He turned around and gave Tine a dimpled smile, “I’m sorry if all of that was too personal.”

“Don’t be sorry, you didn’t ask the question! Besides, I know these lot, whenever they have too much to drink, they become emotional and way too invested in anyone’s life.” Tine rolled his eyes fondly whilst Third giggled at his words.

“What you said has actually kind of inspired me to think about dating. I feel like I’ve been holding onto false hope for so long.” Wait what, it was so obvious that Sarawat returned his feelings. “Ah, obviously you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve been in love with my best friend for 5 years. We met at university and immediately clicked, but he was a huge playboy. He would mess with girls lives and I would have to fix his messes - It hurt so bad back then because he was an insensitive asshole. But now, it’s different. He’s fixed up and has become so much more caring and loving, but still I can’t bring myself to confess, and he has probably never loved me like that.”

Tine patted his arm as Third continued, “But I’ve recently been thinking about just letting go off this false hope I have. Every day, it seems more unrealistic and really it just hurts for me to seem him happy whilst I want him to be happy with me. It’s not healthy for our friendship either, I can’t see us lasting any longer if I keep clinging onto the idea of being romantically involved with him.”

“But what if he does love you back? What if he’s just as scared as you are?”

“I thought that for a while, but it’s just not realistic. Actually, I think he knows I love him but he’s just waiting for me to bring it up, but I don’t want to bring it up because what if that just changes everything. I think it’s better I move on, and try out dating, I’ve never tried.”

Third had voiced all of his thoughts, his fears that he had back at university. In comparison, Tine’s friendship was already ruined without even opening about his feelings. He was glad Third still had his precious person, regardless of the situation. “Speaking from experience, it’s better to have that person in your life regardless. My friend Fong told me a long time ago,  if you let something go away, even if they come back, the change in your relationship is irreversible.”

“Oh. It hurts to even think about my relationship with him changing like that. It’s better I try to love someone else. I mean, I might already have options that I’m ignoring.” Third looked deep in thought. Was he thinking about Sarawat? Had he just inspired Third to date Sarawat instead? Sarawat was clearly the option, they had something already and now they could be something more.

Tine’s life was always so twisted. He was already hurt by the idea of Sarawat having feelings for someone else, but now at least Sarawat would be happy.

 As Tine reflected on the situation, he realised him and Sarawat could never go back to what they were. But maybe this could be a new beginning, maybe Sarawat could be back in his life as his precious friend, if Tine started to push him from the centre of his heart. Sarawat would be his friend again and Tine could learn to be happy with having him at arm’s length.

Chapter Text

It had been a week since his conversation with Third. It was inexplicable what he was feeling, almost as if he had realised something earth-shattering, but he didn’t want to act on this realisation. If you asked exactly what Tine did during the week, he could tell you that he did the work he planned, the photo shoots were finished, all of the shots they needed had been shot. He could tell you he functioned as he normally did, he went to work and interacted with Sarawat and Third without exposing what he was going through. Third and him had even gone for a coffee before work, much to Tine’s surprise since their heart to heart, they found that they loved the similar kind of coming of age movies and shared a love for dancing. He supposed they could be good friends, in time.

He even met up with friends and tried to be his usual self, but he guessed he was really quite poor at hiding his feelings from his friends. He tried to join in with the jokes, but once they brought up a joke regarding Sarawat, a broken laugh escaped him which caused for their shared looks of concerns.

The truth was that Tine was drifting. He was on autopilot, completing all of the things he was supposed to and interacting with people in his usual ways- not raising any suspicions. However, he felt like a ghost, he was figuring things out and that meant he had to re-evaluate his feelings, his mental health and general outlook on life. It made him feel an impending sense of loneliness. He knew he wasn’t alone, but he couldn’t express his problems to anyone because he couldn’t even articulate anything. He felt like he was in a streetcar that had no destination, all he knew was that he wasn’t the person at the wheel right now, but he needed to be. Otherwise, things would get out of hand and the streetcar would take him to a place he wouldn’t be able to leave. He couldn’t be a passive passenger in his own life, no matter how hard taking the step alone was, he had to do it. He couldn’t continue to hide behind his wall of fears.

He should have known that eventually his friends would intervene. He had been too obvious when he was out with them and now, he had a very concerned Fong at front of his door. He supposed now was the time, he would finally tell someone what he was actually experiencing. As much as he didn’t want to talk, he couldn’t help but feel relieved to see his best friend, he wasn’t so alone anymore. He stepped aside and allowed Fong in with meek smile. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself Tine. I assume you know why I’m here.” He looked at the mess that was Tine’s living room, uneaten pizza on the table and tissues that he had used during his (many) breakdowns throughout the week. Fong pushed Tine to sit down, threw him a reassuring smile and began to clean up.

“Tine, we were all concerned about you. We’ve been worried about you since the beginning of this whole project, but that fake relationship was something we knew would hurt you. We just didn’t see Third coming. And look- we know you like to deal with these things alone, but we can’t just sit back and watch you go through this alone, Tine.”

Tine curled up on himself and squeezed his knees closer to his chest. “I know it was stupid from the beginning, I should’ve never agreed to it. I keep saying it’s to find out why he left but I couldn’t even ask him that simple question. I’m pathetic, I know.”

“You are not pathetic, Tine. You just love him so deeply—you have for so many years, none of us expected you to love him for this long, but you have. That’s not your fault at all, love can be puzzling. Listen, you didn’t even get the closure on why Sarawat left you so suddenly—you have a right to know, so how can we blame you for taking the opportunity to find all of this out?”

Fong sat down near Tine, giving his knee a slight pat before he continued. “But Tine, I can’t watch you fall into the same state as when Sarawat left. You really scared us yesterday; it felt like you weren’t really there. It hurts to hear your fake laughter, man. It’s okay to show us what you're really feeling, you don’t have to always pretend in front of us.”

“I know, I’m sorry Fong. I just couldn’t even understand what was happening myself. I hate that he came back, and just took over my entire life. I can’t get him out of my head, he just has this hold on my heart. He has for many years.

“I know you’re scared, especially because he’s all your heart has known for so many years. Your feelings for him were a comfort to you, because in essence, he’s the love of your life, whether he knows it or not. But Tine, what if you don’t need to let him go? You can choose to just stop talking to him after the project, or you can talk to him Tine.” He paused and smiled assuredly at Tine, “You can finally ask him without the burden of having your friendship ruined, because as you’ve said your friendship with him isn’t the same as it was at university. You guys have been apart for years now, so what’s the harm in finally asking the right questions, you know?”

Tine knew Fong was right. He longer had the risk of ruining their friendship because it was already so damaged. But at least if they spoke their friendship could be salvageable. During this entire project, he realised that beyond his anger at Sarawat for leaving him and his fear of Sarawat knowing his feelings, he just missed him. He wanted him back in his life and if that was a possibility, then Tine would try.

“I’ll try to talk to him. I’ll try to finally do what I should have done in the beginning. Maybe, I should’ve done it years ago instead of letting him go so easily.” Tine pondered.

“It doesn’t matter now! You’ve still got the chance to do it. I’m proud of you for realising that you’ve got to do this. The regret of not doing this while you can, would eat you up and I just can’t let you do that.” Fong rubbed his shoulder and got up to continue cleaning up, “You have to pay me for my services, your living room is gross.”

Tine stuck his tongue out at him, “Your services are poor, I can do it myself!” Tine was so grateful; he was reminded once again that he was not alone and that maybe he could actually face up to his fears.

Fong stayed over for a while after that. They had takeout and Fong filled Tine on everything he had missed, Fong was seeing a girl from work who had asked him out after they went to a few gigs together. His face lit up as he spoke about her, he had a small private smile just for her, as he spoke about what she did at work and her random habits. Tine thought that out of all of the people in the world, Fong deserved to receive the purest love and lots of it. He felt an ease in his heart as he saw his friends were happy and he supposed that he deserved that as well.

When Fong left, he had a lot of time to ponder over what he had to do now.

Love was a fleeting thing. A love of inconvenience was a miserable ordeal. Love has to be reciprocated for it to bring joy into one’s life. It was true, that at the beginning, his crush on Sarawat was an exciting thing, his heart would flutter when Wat would treat him differently to others, his stomach would implode with butterflies when Wat would stare at him with a certain look in his eyes and his head would be full of scenario’s, a screenplay of what their relationship could be like.

But life was not a movie. Love that could make us feel like that we were floating on a peaceful cloud, above the world but it could and would eventually come crashing down. Tine thought the crash came when Sarawat left, but no, that was not as painful as facing the reality that he had to wake up. He had to let go, he couldn’t keep on riding on this bumpy ride of loving Sarawat. His feet had to touch the cold concrete now. He was awake now; he knew he would have to finally talk to the man and end his own suffering.

He surprisingly felt lighter and more open than he had for weeks, a cloud had cleared up in his mind and he felt more focused than ever. Of course, there was the burden of finally having the talk with Sarawat. There were many opportunities for Tine in the next week as it was their last week of schedules for the project.

They had decided that they would need to shop for the Masquerade ball tomorrow as it was at the end of the week. They would need to go and get fitted together as they were to wear matching suits.

They were to meet at the tailor for fitting. Tine was already half an hour early in fear of turning up to the appointment late. He entered the store and was greeted by the tailor assistant who offered him coffee, which he really would never refuse. It was slightly nerve-wracking, the thought that Tine would maybe find out the reasons for their friendship ending today, or even if him and Third were actually dating.

He was lost in thought and didn’t hear the store’s door open nor did he hear the assistant welcome Sarawat. “Don’t think too hard, you’ll hurt yourself.” That snarky remark could only belong to one person.

“Maybe if you weren’t so late, I wouldn’t need to sit here and think of excuses for your tardiness!” Sarawat leaned down with that pseudo-serious expression and ruffled Tine’s hair, and before Tine could react they were beckoned inside the fitting room.

As they walked inside, he jabbed Sarawat’s side and looked towards the designer with a pointed look as Sarawat tried to react. Tine felt giddy at the feeling that they might be able to remain friends regardless. He missed these silly moments and couldn’t help but treasure them whilst they lasted.

As he focused on the situation, he became immersed in what the designer was explaining about their suits, “As these are couple suits, the elegant black pattern from this purple suit has been replicated on to the inner coat of the black suit. They’re both black and purple, with a matching mask made from lace. Sarawat, the purple has been fitting according to your measurements from a suit we previously made for you.” He gestured towards the suit as Sarawat stood up to go and be fitted by the assistant.

The tailor walked Tine through the details of his suit, offering him compliments of his body proportion and encouragements at Tine’s suggestions. As they continued to be fitted, Tine quickly came to realise that there would be no way for them to speak properly in the store, he would have to force him to go eat with him afterwards.

After thanking the tailors, they stepped outside and Sarawat stood there waiting for him. Tine had to do something quickly before he could bid him goodbye or something. “I’m hungry, Wat. Come eat with me please, I’ll even pay.”

Sarawat looked at him with a sceptical look, “You can go and eat by yourself, or are you too much of a baby to do that?”

“Saraleo. Stop being so mean to me, we’re friends, surely we can eat lunch together?” Tine pouted.

Sarawat’s expression lightened at his words, “Fine, whatever. Where do you want to go?”

“Hmm, there’s a dessert place near here, I love their waffles and bubble tea!”

Sarawat laughed, “You and your sweet tooth, you really haven’t changed, have you?” Sarawat murmured. Tine giggled at his words. He had changed in many ways, but he supposed he was still the Tine Sarawat knew from before deep down. Tine dragged Sarawat by the arm towards the store. He could feel Sarawat staring at their interlinked arms, but he continued as if this was natural.

Inside the dessert shop, Sarawat signalled towards a table, “I’ll go and save a table for us, order me whatever you want to.”

The line was pretty long, so Tine took out his phone and scrolled through twitter and stopped when he saw that there was a blurry candid of Sarawat and him from a few minutes ago. He began to laugh at the caption that mentioned something about ‘a shopping date between boyfriends,’ he turned around in order to show Sarawat and found that Wat had already been staring at him but had looked down as soon as he realised he’d been caught. He was surprised at the sudden display of shyness which Tine hadn’t seen in for so long.

He turned back, realising that it was his turn to be served. He ordered himself waffles and ordered a classic bubble tea for Wat. As he walked back, Wat pushed out Tine’s chair for him with his leg. “Ah, such a gentleman, thank you.”

“It’s the least I could do, I’m finally being treated by sir Tine after years of paying for his food.” Tine stuck his tongue out but couldn’t disagree, Afterall it was true. Sarawat had loved to treat Tine.

Sarawat had never had a sweet tooth but would always accommodate Tine’s taste, to the point that they would always find new dessert places to visit together. It made him feel more comfortable, which was extremely important seeing as he was about to try to get some information out of Wat.

Tine cut up a piece of his waffle and dipped it in chocolate sauce before he held the spoon towards Sarawat’s mouth. Sarawat had clearly not been expecting that as he looked up from scrolling through his phone, “What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing? Come on, open your mouth and eat it before it drops.”

Sarawat did what he was told, not without staring right at Tine as he licked the chocolate sauce that had gotten onto the side of his lips. Well, damn.

What he hadn’t expected was for Sarawat to then gather a spoonful of his boba, “Ahm, here you go.” Tine looked at him in shock but couldn’t help but open his mouth as soon as Wat asked him to. Sarawat looked proud of himself as he continued to drink. “This place is pretty good, I think it’s new—I’ve never visited before.”

“Hmm, I found this sometime last year, I was craving bubble tea as usual and my friend suggested this place, so I went with him.” Sarawat nodded at that and then looked down as he continued to drink.

“We used to do this a lot; it was one of our traditions huh.”

“Y-yeah, I suppose. I mean we had a lot of traditions when you think about it, we’d eat lunch together nearly every day even on busy days, we’d watch every new marvel movie together even if it meant waiting a week after it was released. Oh! And you never really stopped giving me guitar lessons, our weekly guitar jamming sessions was a tradition too.”

“You forgot our most important one. We spoke on the phone every night, even after spending the whole day together.” Sarawat laughed gently. “Apart from the time I didn’t pick up your call after that fight. Then, you ran all the way to my condo because you were so angry at me for not picking up! Tua Woon Ai, I was planning on calling you back, instead you had turned up at my doorstep.”

Tine could never forget about those phone calls. It was their special time where they would be able to talk about anything and everything. It’s how Sarawat became so open with him. Even when they were tired to the bone, they would speak with one of them inevitably falling asleep whilst still on call. It had almost always been Sarawat, Tine would just listen to his evened breathing until he himself, fell asleep.

The night of their fight, he hadn’t turned up at Sarawat’s condo because he was angry with him. No, he just was desperate for the assurance that Sarawat didn’t hate him or that he wanted the friendship to end. He wasn’t able to handle his negative thoughts and instead confronted him. Of course, it was silly of him to think that Sarawat would end their friendship over one fight, but it was his greatest fear.

Eventually, his fear became reality. Sarawat left him without looking back and Tine had to pretend that he was okay. He had to pretend that every part of his life hadn’t been touched and invaded by Sarawat. He had to just go on.

“I know, we drifted- stopped talking and everything. But you’re still important to me, Tine, I always want you to succeed. You’ve never stopped being important to me.”

Then why did we stop talking? Tine thought. We didn’t drift. You left me in complete darkness and I still don’t know what I did.

He knows he should confront him; he should call him out and stop him from acting like it was a mutual decision, but he was scared. Terrified that he would hear the words that circulated in his brain, about him being too bothersome, too loud and too dependent.

“You’re important to me as well, Sarawat. You seem happier these days, I’m glad.”

Instead of confronting him about their abrupt ending, he supposed now was the best chance he would get to ask about other things he wanted to know.

“So, Third is pretty nice. I got to speak to him that night we were all at Pear and Earn’s, he was really sweet, actually.” Sarawat smiled at his words, the fond smile which was now probably reserved for Third.

“Yeah, he mentioned that to me. He said you both spoke about something really important and that he learnt a lot from you. I told him he should just throw away everything you told him, most of your knowledge comes from law textbooks and Romcoms.” Tine slapped Wat’s arm at that jab. “He didn’t tell me what you actually spoke about, something about drunken emotional secrecy…”

Tine smiled at that. He had to somehow get more of a bearing on Sarawat’s feelings for Third. Did he see him as he once saw Tine, a precious friend but nothing more or did he love Third in the romantic sense? “Well, I mean we didn’t speak about much. It was more rambling about feelings.” He tried to judge Wat’s reactions to those words.

“Third’s feelings for someone? Or your feelings for someone, Tine.” Wat looked at him with a carefully blank expression. So, Wat wanted to know specifically if Third had feelings for someone, maybe he was one step closer to exposing his  feelings.

“I won’t say much, it’s not really my place but I’m sure you’ll know soon enough.” Wat looked even more confused at that statement, but Tine wouldn’t give Third away like that. Besides, Sarawat would know about Third’s feelings for him because Third had said that he would move on and accept the other person soon. Tine couldn’t meddle in their affairs; it wasn’t his right. All Tine wanted to know was if Wat truly wanted to be with Third, then he could leave him alone for good.

“How did you meet Third anyway? You both seem really close.” Tine tried to ask casually.

“We met last year at this cinematography event. It was quite a professional event so there were a lot of experts present. Third actually approached me and asked if we could stick together, I guess he saw through me pretending to understand everything.” Sarawat chuckled at that. “Then we kept in contact and would go to a lot of events together and eventually we just became friends. We bonded over similar hobbies and then after opening up to him we found that we had both gone through similar… experiences.” Sarawat looked at Tine with an unreadable expression.

As much as Tine’s heart dropped at hearing it, he was glad that Wat had found someone who understood him properly. Tine couldn’t be that for him but at least Sarawat had Third to open up to, to share his worries and his happiest moments. Truly, he was glad.

Instead of becoming immersed into these feelings, he had to push through and ask more, “Ah, I’m glad you have him then Sarawat. He seems like a very precious friend.”

“Hmm, we both found each other in the right moment, I think. We both were in a state, and we were just there for each other I guess.” Oh. Well, I would’ve been there for you if you would’ve let me. It hurt him, that Sarawat had been hurting at one point and he couldn’t be there for him. And this is why Third and Sarawat should end up with each other, they understood each other, and they were there for each other when they were struggling.

“What’s he like? We haven’t hung out enough for me to know, I’d like to get closer to him.” Wat’s eyes widened at that.

“He’s really calm, he only really shows a lot of emotions when he acts or when he watches movies. He’s kind, supportive and loyal to a fault. Our personalities match, he doesn’t even annoy me that much, you know how easily annoyed I get.” Tine had many thoughts. Wat was so open about speaking about Third which shocked him greatly. Wat didn’t usually openly say things like this, the other man was clearly important to him.

He supposed this was a good start. Now, he knew that they had an important emotional bond and that Sarawat really cared for him. Surely, he would find out soon enough just exactly what his feelings were. He decided to lighten the mood, “You know what I’ve been seeing recently? That I’m disrupting you and Third’s relationship, and that you’re both actually together and keeping it a secret. This one article Fong sent me, had this whole analysis of you guys’ relationship, can you believe it?” Tine laughed loudly but watched Sarawat’s expression in case he gave anything away.

Sarawat didn’t look at all surprised but laughed along, “Oh yeah, those articles have been around for a while.” Again, nothing was given away, but he didn’t seem annoyed either.

“Doesn’t it annoy you somewhat?” As bad as it was, he wanted Sarawat to answer negatively. He wanted Sarawat to show any sign of him not liking the idea of being romantically linked with Third.

Instead, “Not really. If people think like that what can you do? Third and I just laugh about it, it doesn’t bother either of us.”

Interesting. Tine pondered the words in silence, suddenly overwhelmed by all of the information he had just gotten in this conversation.

“Listen, I’ve got an LV event tomorrow to attend and then we have that last meeting, it’ll be a long day.” Wat sent him a small smile before getting up.

“Oh okay, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?”

“This was fun. We should do it again sometime, reminded me of the old days.” With that Wat patted his head and walked away before Tine could answer.

Well.

_________________________________

When he reached home, he couldn’t help but play their conversation on repeat in his head. He was proud of himself, for somewhat asking Sarawat some of the question’s he needed answers to. He knew he had been a coward about hearing the real reasons for the ending of their friendship but knowing about Third would be sufficient enough.

He would properly confront Sarawat about his feelings tomorrow. For now, he would drown whatever he was feelings out with Scrubb albums.

He had woken up quite early, completing his essay that he had due and then playing games with his friends on the PlayStation. A relatively normal day but of course, the meeting was later, and anything could happen today- especially if Tine successfully confronts Wat.

As he started getting ready, he saw that Wat had posted something on Instagram, probably from the event today. He forgot to look at it and continued to get ready. That was his first mistake, at least if he looked at his post he would be ready for what he had to encounter today. 

Sarawat was late for the meeting, so Tine had already been debriefed about their last wrap up interview that they would have to do. He was glad he had chosen to dress up today wearing a red shirt with white trousers, he had even styled his hair. Maybe his extra-ness did come into use sometimes.

Sarawat came strutting in, dressed head to toe in Louis Vuitton. Sarawat really embodied the perfect model, his proportions clearly showing in his oversized blazer and flared trousers with his waist synched in. Damn Sarawat for always looking like he had just gotten off the runway.

As Sarawat walked towards them, the camera was being set up ready to begin the interview, they didn’t give them time to talk to each other, already rolling the camera as he sat down next to him. Tine turned to look at him to send him a teasing expression, which instantly left his thoughts as he looked at Sarawat’s face. They had applied eyeliner to him and now Tine was having trouble breathing. Sarawat sent him a confused expression, clearly his internal struggle was showing, and he had to stop himself.

“Right boys, this is the final working day before the big Masquerade Ball. The first question is, what is the most valuable thing that you’ve achieved from this experience?”

Well, that was easy enough, if his brain would just focus, he could make sense right now, “I think I’ve learnt a lot from this experience, I’ve seen first hand what it takes to put together an entire project. Also, working with local people and materials has also taught me the importance of social responsibility in fashion. It’s just been a very rewarding experience, I’m sure Sarawat would agree with me?”

Sarawat nodded, “It’s been a journey, we’ve had to work really hard, but I think the most important thing we achieved was having such a cohesive working unit. We all worked so well together.” Sarawat turned to look at Tine and smirked, “Most importantly I had the opportunity to work closely with Tine, I think this is the most fun I’ve had on a project, we work really well together.”

“Oh, that brings us smoothly onto the next question, would you both be willing to work with each other again for something like this?”

Before Tine could bat an eyelash, “Definitely, I’m up for it. It’s up to him, if he’ll have me again.” Wat gave him that sheepish smile, the one where he knows he was being genuine. Tine wanted to ask, are you asking me to work with you again, or are you asking me if we can be the same as we were before?

Instead, “Oh of course! I had a really fun time.” Why did Wat looked disappointed in that response, what did he want from him?

The interview dragged on for a while, with questions about practical things that mostly Sarawat answered. For once, Tine just couldn’t focus. Thoughts about the man next to him were overpowering any ounce of focus he had, he instead stared at Sarawat’s lips as he passionately spoke about the cause and the process. God, those lips would be the death of him.

Tine quickly realised that the interviewer was directing a question to him, “Are you excited to attend the Masquerade Ball with Sarawat? Are there any matching couple suits planned?”

“Yes! I’m excited to sweat off all of the hard work,” he giggled, “Sarawat and I will be matching in true couple fashion, look forward to it everyone!” He felt Sarawat’s stare but decided that he didn’t want to deal with whatever was going on, in front of the camera.

After that, they wrapped up the interview by imploring fans to donate, check out the garments available to purchase and the importance of the cause. As the camera crew were packing up the camera, everyone began to leave after congratulating each other. They had done it! They couldn’t change anything now, it was up to the general public, how all of this would be received but he had high hopes.

He turned to Sarawat, who had already been staring at him, he could see that he was pleased with how everything had turned out. “I’m so proud of us! I can’t believe we managed to pull this off Wat, I hope everyone supports this, we worked so hard. Oh my god, it’s actually over what are we going to do now?” He realised he was rambling, but he just couldn’t help it, he was feeling a mixture of happiness and bitter sweetness. This was it.

Sarawat moved closer to Tine and grabbed his hand that was clearly shaking, “Hey, hey Tine. We’ve done really well. It’s all going to pay off and we’ll make everyone proud, okay? I’m so proud of you.” There was no hint of humour, just Sarawat’s wide and honest eyes.

“Thank you Sarawat, really. About what you said earlier, I’m also glad we got this opportunity. I mean I’ve missed you- a lot. We do work so well together, we always have.”

Sarawat ran his hand through Tine’s hair, he supposed that was a habit Wat couldn’t break, but every time he did it, Tine’s heart skipped a beat. Especially when he was this close to him. “I missed you too, Tine.”

As they looked away from each other, something snapped in him, in that moment he couldn’t hold it in. He would have to push for answers, “Hey Sarawat? About the masquerade ball… if you want to- if you have someone else in mind to take to the Ball, you know you can right?” Sarawat looked at him in shock, would he finally be honest? “I mean, it’s okay we can just deal with the press and do the official interviews. Maybe we can stick together for a while just to be sure but then you can go with- you can hang out with whoever you like. If there is someone.”

Whilst his awkward rambling, he ended up leaning on the wall to seem casual but now it didn’t seem like a good idea as Sarawat stalked towards him with a blank expression. “What do you mean ‘someone else,’ I’m meant to go with you. In case you forgot, we’re meant to maintain this thing until the end of the Ball.”

Sarawat sounded so cold, which confused Tine further.

“Why would you ask this anyway?” Wat seemed so confused. As if he really didn’t realise how obvious he was being about liking Third in that way.

“Well- I mean. Just that I thought you would prefer taking Third instead?”

“Third? Why would I prefer taking him?”

Sarawat stepped even closer, his hair had been styled in a way that it fell messily onto his forehead. His hair was so long, that he couldn’t even see the expression in his eyes. He couldn’t even infer what he would be looking at him like. His lips were pursed, the parting in his hair showed the little wrinkle between his brows.

Tine had been studying his face for a few moments now, he couldn’t focus on the words that he wanted to come out. The closeness of Sarawat only caused a haze to form in Tine’s mind, he couldn’t focus, he only wanted Sarawat to come closer. He let out a breath, “I mean- y- you don’t have to stay with me the whole night. Like there’s no obligation for you to.”

Sarawat stepped even closer, he stood so close that he could finally see his eyes. Although Tine was taller, with Tine leaning on the wall he had to turn his face upwards to see Wat properly. He stood there with his eyebrows raised, with his lips turned upwards. In that moment right there, all Tine could think about was how close they were, how if Wat leaned his head downwards, they would feel each other’s breath. God, he wanted to be kissed. He wanted to kiss Wat so badly, he wanted to feel those lips against his lips. There was only a faint memory that he could trace when he thought about Sarawat’s lips.

A drunken moment, a song played for him, an overpowering kiss. Then unanswered texts, distant looks and then finally nothing.

Right now, he wanted to feel it again. Damn the consequences.

“What are you thinking in that pretty little head?” Once again, Wat’s hands found their way into Tine’s hair and Tine could only close his eyes and sigh. When he opened his eyes again, he saw that intense stare that was focused on his lips. “It’s not some burden for me to be with you the entire night, Tine,” Wat murmured.

“That’s- that’s not what I mean. It’s just that if we both wanted to go with different people then that would be-“

“Do you want to go with someone else- Is there somebody else?”

The private moment between them was broken, Sarawat’s stepped away and was closing up again, he was desperate for his Sarawat to come back.

“No. I just mean this whole thing is just for PR relationship thing, and it’s not like we’re really close anymore. So, if you wanted to-“

“Fine. Okay, you’ve made your feelings very clear Tine. You don’t want to be close with me anymore, I get it. I hurt you and now you can’t forgive me.”

“What are you talking about? I’m just saying that obviously there are others, you would rather spend time with than me. I’m saying it’s fine, it’s understandable. This isn’t about whatever grudge you think I have against you.”

“Don’t put words into my mouth, Tine. You don’t understand me, as well as you think you do. You never have.” Sarawat cut sharply. These words hurt more than he ever thought he would be hurt. It was a truthful admission; Tine just couldn’t seem to understand the enigma that was Sarawat. Still, after so long he couldn’t understand.

He really thought he was coming closer to understanding the other man recently, but why did it feel like they were on separate islands right now, with an entire ocean to separate them?

“You never let me understand you, Sarawat. Why can’t you just be straightforward with me, like you are with everything else? Dammit, Sarawat why are you even angry right now?”

Sarawat’s look of disbelief was etched permanently on his face around Tine. His brows moved towards each other as his frown deepened, please say it Sarawat, tell me what you’re thinking. Let me in again, please.

“Forget it, Tine.”

The clouds and mist that disappeared moments before had left behind coldness and a haunting breeze. He was alone once again.

Chapter Text

The next few days flew by, quicker than Tine would’ve liked. He was in a perpetual state of confusion, as he reflected on the last night that they had interacted. Had they nearly kissed? Was that what Sarawat was intending to do? Tine was so confused. Sarawat had flirted with him and invaded his personal space, making it so hard for Tine to concentrate. leaving him breathless. 

Tine has then panicked, turning the tables quickly by trying find out if Wat had somebody else. Instead of Wat taking it as genuine curiosity, instead, Wat thought that he had someone else. Things fell apart quickly after that, it somehow becoming about Tine’s feelings towards Sarawat. 

Tine was still reeling from what had happened. It’s been complete radio silence from Wat—apart from a text confirming their attendance together for the ball, which Tine could only reply in agreement to. 

Now, it was D-day. He had decided to get ready by himself, without makeup artists or professional help. The suit had been sent to him and thankfully, it fit perfectly.

Right now, he was just waiting for Pear to come and do his makeup. He had sent a photo of him wearing the suit last night and had received 5 consecutive messages along the lines of  “You look sexy, I’m coming to do your makeup, dark intense eye makeup is a necessity to complete the look.” He had agreed quite easily, and he was actually pretty excited now.

Speaking of the devil.

Tine laughed as he hears the doorbell ring excessively. As he opened the door he was attacked by a big hug from his dear friend. “It feels like I haven’t been here in ages.” Pear exclaims. “Oh look- it’s actually clean, I’m shocked, truly.” Tine laughed at his friend’s observation. 

Pear was in a nude coloured, flowy ball gown that suited her usual elegant style. She looked stunning as usual. She had agreed to do his makeup even when she had to accompany Earn as a date to the Ball. A true friend.

“You’re acting like your girlfriend isn’t messier than the both of us combined.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right. Whatever, this isn’t about her.” Pear turned to him and gestured towards the stairs, “Sorry for being late, I had to do Earn’s makeup before – you know what she’s like, we don’t even have time to have a proper heart to heart. Ah well- we’ll just have to do it whilst I make you look gorgeous.”

“Oh wow, I’m not gorgeous otherwise? You’re talking about the super model, Tine Teepakorn over here!” He haughtily stated as they walked into his room.

Pear started taking out all of her makeup equipment, “Hmm, you know what I mean. Just have to glam you up enough that a certain Sarawat drools over you.” She looked up as Tine’s face fell. When he didn’t react to her comment, she asked, “What happened, Tine?” 

“Nothing really, just the usual mixed signals… it feels like uni all over again. Except, this time he was really did look like he was going to kiss me, Pear.”

Pear looked up from checking the colour of the shadows in shock, and made Tine sit down at his dressing table. “Are you sure? What even made him feel brave enough to do that, hasn’t he been very distant during this whole project?”

“Well- that’s what I mean. In the beginning we were both distant, but you know us both. We always get along even with the most intense fights, and I still don’t even know why he left in the first place, but we still got closer. I just- I couldn’t help but give in to the feeling I have whenever he’s around me; I just let go and let him be near me again. But- I still had my boundaries and he respected them.

“Recently though, it’s felt different. Like we can actually fix our friendship, we’ve gotten genuinely closer, we’ve spoken about genuine things and I just can’t help but feel like we haven’t been apart for years but then,” Tine laughs sarcastically, “Obviously, my feelings got in the way. Then Third came along and he’s so happy around him, them both are so similar to each other, personality and interests wise; something Sarawat and I never were. But even with Third, we were the same. He still looks at me the same, I still catch his eye from across the room as if we’re the only one’s there and he still understands me… There are times that I think there may be something but Third is right there.” Pear patted his arm and offered a comforting smile. “So, I finally wanted to ask. I cornered him, well he cornered me but anyway— I asked if he wanted to take somebody else, and that it would be okay if he wanted to.

“Then, suddenly he switched it up on me and made it about me liking somebody else and then he just assumed that I don’t want to be around him, and I just couldn’t understand him at all. He was so angry, Pear and I begged him to just open up for once and all he did was walk away. He always walks away, damn it!”

It was quiet between them for a moment. Tine finally looked up at Pear and saw that she was in deep thought.

“Listen, Tine I’m really proud of you for trying, I know it’s hard to ask this stuff, but sometimes, you just have to be straightforward about things. He owes you an explanation—he left you years ago and now expects you to be okay with him and that’s just not okay. You guys have to have this conversation because without it- I’m not sure if you both can be happy together or, if it comes down to it, move on from each other.” Pear says, looking down at him until he nodded in understanding.

“I think I agree, without a proper conversation we’ll always misunderstand each other and I’m so tired of trying to understand him and failing miserably at it.”

“That’s right,” she stared, “but tonight, try not to worry. I’m doing all of this makeup so that you look beautiful and wow the fuck out of all of these people. You’re going to have everyone thirsting over you, so just bask in it and have fun babe. Okay?” Tine smiled at that and sat back to let Pear do her magic.

He had been scrolling aimlessly, as a notification popped up, “I’m going to pick you up in half an hour. Be ready.” Tine had half the mind to nearly tell him that he should stop acting like he can tell him what to do but he figured it probably was best to not do that.  Tine texted back, Okay, and locked his phone with a sigh. 

Pear was nearly done with the makeup as she applied the finishing highlight on his cheekbones. Tine hadn’t really been checking what was happening with his face, but he hoped that he really did  manage to fit the glamourous theme of the Masquerade Ball. Pear turned his head towards the mirror, and wow . He traced his own face with eyes, his brows were fuller, Pear had blackened his eyes with liner and kohl under his eyes, his cheeks had been contoured to accentuate his cheekbones that had golden highlighter. His lips had been filled in with a pinkish tone that matched his natural lip colour. He couldn’t believe it, he looked elegant, but there was a hint of something darker, that made him look more mature compared to his usual boyish looks.

“You’ve done it again, Pear. Maybe you should become my personal makeup artist?”

Pear slapped his arm, “Mhm, I know I did a great job, better than the professional artists really but I do have a career in medicine that I’ve been chasing for a while, now,” Tine laughed at her distractedly as he still couldn’t quite believe his own reflection. “I told you I would make you look stunning, Tine. If by the end of the night a cute boy doesn’t kiss you then I’ll have failed at my job.”

“I’m bisexual, Pear I wouldn’t mind if a girl tried.”

“Obviously, I know that. But I was talking about a cute one in particular. One that is picking you up in 15 minutes, so you better put your suit on before he aggressively texts you or something.”

Before Tine could counter Pear’s statement, she pointed towards the suit and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Well, now the nerves were kicking in. He wore the suit, piece by piece, whilst the nerves kicked in, he also felt his confidence grow. The suit fit him well, showing off his long legs and tiny waist. He supposed he did look like the supermodel that he was. The dark purple suit matched perfectly with his intense makeup look. He looked like some sort of Victorian era lord, with his laced suit and a matching masquerade mask to match.

He wondered what Sarawat looked like in his matching suit, had he gotten his makeup done professionally? Did Third and him get ready together, just to leave separately? The notification buzz abruptly ended his enquiries. “The car’s outside your house.”

He was good to go.

As he walked down the stairs, Pear was standing in the corridor, as she looked up, she attempted a wolf whistle. “Look at him, folks! That’s my supermodel best friend, that’s right. Paparazzi please calm down; he will be posing for pictures later.” 

Tine giggled at his best friend’s antics, “Security! There’s a random fan in my house, please collect her.”

“Oh please, you were my first fan Tine, remember that.” Tine shook his head at the memory. “Okay listen, I want you to enjoy yourself tonight okay? Don’t let the Sarawat nonsense get to you, this night is about your hard work during the project, you deserve to celebrate that. Obviously, I’m going to be there so I will not allow any wallowing over a boy.”

Tine warmed at his friend’s encouragement, “Alright, mum. I promise I’ll be the life of the party then. Anyway, he texted so I should probably leave then.”

“Okay babe, see you there then. Message me before if you need to!”

It was already dark outside, but right outside his gate he saw a sleek Rolls Royce, sent by GMM to accompany both Sarawat and him to the venue.” 

Shit, Sarawat is really in there, we haven’t seen each other since then, this is going to be so awkward, can the ground please open up and swallow me whole. Please.

When that didn’t happen, thank you universe , he began to walk towards the car. He straightened his posture, putting a blank expression in place. The driver nearly got out of the car to open his door, “Don’t worry! I’ve got it.” Tine assures the driver who smiled at him.

He opened the car door and did the best thing he thought he could do- pretended as though Sarawat wasn’t in the car. He settled in the car and fuck ; this was awkward. He turned his head slightly to use his peripheral to see the other man. He was looking outside the window, also pretending as if Tine doesn’t exist. Well, that was fine by him then.

The car was spacious, but Tine felt like they were trapped in an elevator. Nobody was speaking, it felt like if Tine would disrupt the “peace” if he moved even an inch. The only thing that assured Tine that Wat was even in the same car as him was his occasional sighs.

What was he thinking about, was he still mad at Tine? Surely, he would talk to Tine tonight, they were meant to be dates tonight. Tine slightly tensed as he felt Wat’s gaze, he saw his head move in his peripheral view but continued to stare ahead.

Trying to ignore the stifling air and the fact that he was being watched, he listened to the radio and urged his legs not to shake, despite the very strong urge to. His mind spaced out as it did in many stressful situations. Don’t just stare at me, say something.

Instead, “You have reached your destination, would you prefer to be dropped off at the front section in front of the press, or the back?”

“The back, thank you.” Sarawat quickly declared. Hm, that was probably best. He needed to collect himself before they went in front of the press. 

The car stopped in the car park with other vehicles. Tine thanked the driver as he left the car, ready to walk towards the venue. He felt an arm tug at his which was taken back in an instant.

Tine turned towards Sarawat, only slightly making out his facial expression in the dark. He could see his lips were set in a straight line and he was still tense. They were mostly alone in car park, even in the dark, the intense staring contest they were having was still unwavering.

“Hold my hand, be happy in the interviews and enjoy yourself.” The words that should have been spoken softly, were said with an emotionless tone. “We’ll have to stick together until all of the formalities are over.”

All Tine could do was agree softly. They were here to put on a show after all. 

As they walked towards their managers who were ready to guide them to the red carpet, Sarawat extended his hand to Tine without looking at him and Tine took it after a hesitant moment. The red carpet was a big affair, he saw that there was a lot of buzz with the press, everybody looked magnificent in their extravagant ball themed outfits.

Sarawat and Tine walked hand in hand, down the Red Carpet, Tine smiled at the cameras on the sides and saw that a few of his fans were here. He greeted them and replied to a few of their comments. He felt it before he saw, Sarawat leaned in putting his arm around his shoulder and whispered, “Stay close to me,” Tine looked at him shock until he leaned in again, “and keep smiling,” as Sarawat retreated back he saw Sarawat smile as he looked down. Whether it was at what he just did or at Tine’s incredulous look, was another added mystery to Sarawat’s grand collection. He heard fans go wild, and the camera’s shutters in the distance. All Tine could process was that Wat smelled really nice, before it was their time to stand in front of the press.

They stood apart, smiling at the cameras, Tine was sure the cameras would catch his reddened cheeks, the moment before still taking effect. He smiled and posed as he was used to doing, until Wat put his arm around Tine’s waist and guided him gently towards the interviewers. Right now, Tine didn’t know if he would be able to handle interviews, he just wanted to go inside and drink a cold glass of water, or even a few shots of vodka would do. The arm around his waist felt like an iron hot bar that had been placed on his body to torture him, he knew he should want it gone but all he truly wanted was for it tighten around him and stay there.

As their managers guided them towards the first interviewer, Sarawat suddenly threw him a private smile, hidden from others, as if he knew what Tine needed the most was reassurance in that moment.

“Hi Sarawat and Tine! How are you both feeling, you’re finally seeing the products of your efforts right?”

“We’re really excited to see the final products, and what everyone thinks of the products! We’ve worked on it for a month now, it was a lot of efforts by so many people, so I hope it pays off.” Tine said.

“Right, and it’s all for a good cause so hopefully people have learnt a lot from this project- I know I have.” Sarawat added.

“That sounds great guys! I’m sure this project will raise awareness and help the locals.” The interviewer sent them a sweet smile as she continued, “We can’t help but notice that you both have come together today and are even wearing matching suits?”

“Oh well- W-we have gotten a lot closer through this project, and as we both led the project it seemed appropriate to come together.” Tine said shyly.

“Ah, so you have both come together as colleagues?” The interviewer teased, ready to wrap up the interview—

“I have a lot to thank for this project. It’s given me a chance to be with Tine. I’m grateful to be here with him- even if its as colleagues.” Sarawat answered without breaking eye contact with Tine. Tine’s everlasting confusion multiplied, ‘even as colleagues.’ What did he mean by that? What else would they be here as? As Tine wondered, Sarawat smiled at him with that perplexing smile whilst the interviewer wrapped up the interviewer.

The next and hopefully last interviewer was the interviewer who had hosted the interview where Wat had shown how much he remembered Tine, and where he had admitted that he would rather be in an unrequited love. “Hello boys! I interviewed you at the beginning of this entire project, and now it’s the end. We’ve witnessed you release new garments, be involved in creative processes, what will you take from this experience?”

“I think it has definitely inspired me to work on more projects like these, it has shown that I’m capable of doing it, so I think this is just the beginning.” Wat finished by smiling at the camera coyly.

“Right! And we’ve witnessed you both get much closer on social media, it seems like you have rekindled your… friendship? Can we expect you both to work together again?”

“Yeah, we’ve gotten closer and I think we work really well together as a team so I’ll be open to any new opportunities to work with him, I’m very grateful that it was him who I got to work with. I’m not sure I would’ve pulled it off this well-“

Tine was ready to mainly focus on the latter question, until Wat piped in, “You love me more after this right?” 

“ What?” Tine asked out loud in shock, Wat’s smirk grew as he leaned in slightly as if to ask the question again, until they were cut off by the interviewer.

“Ah we’re being signalled to end the interview, but it’s always a pleasure boys, enjoy tonight!” 

With that, the interviews ended, and Tine’s head was still stuck at Sarawat’s needless question, he tapped Wat as they walked next to each other, “Why did you ask that?”

“Hmm, what are you talking about?” Wat looked at Tine up and down, with heat in his eyes and smiled.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“They’re trying to get us inside, walk faster Tine.” Tine looked at Sarawat, offended at his audacity. He had just completely ignored him.

But Sarawat was right, they were signalled inside as the auction of their special collection for attendee’s. Tine had been running on autopilot until then, the interviews and cameras were a norm in his career but sometimes it got too much, in this instance he was already nervous to be around Sarawat and the glitz and the glam just increased the tension, slightly.

As he was walking towards the grand entrance, the building was a large villa that had fit the theme of grandeur of the Masquerade Ball, it was lit up with golden lights that contrasted with the dark sky. Normally, Tine hated pretentious events like these, (no matter how high maintenance he acts), but he supposed tonight was to celebrate a fulfilling project. Before he could enter, he felt a tug of warmth on his arm and suddenly he was at the side of the entrance. He looked up slightly and saw Sarawat’s face thanks to the many lights, he looked beautiful. His makeup contrasted Tine’s, it was dewy and light-handed.

“How are you feeling?” Had Sarawat just pulled him aside for a quick chat about his wellbeing? Tine looked at him incredulously , “You kept holding your breath during the interviews, I know you get nervous at these things but it’s going to be a long night. So, you might as well just enjoy it, okay?”

All Tine could do was nod at him, with a still dumbfounded expression but as Sarawat continued to stare, Tine flashed a shy smile at the obvious concern on Wat’s face. Tine took a deep breath and then walked towards the Grand Hall, Wat walking behind him. As he entered, he was in awe at the interior of the venue, traditional paintings etched onto the ceilings bringing the ballroom alive, with large chandeliers that lit up the room with a golden hue. He saw that there were a great many people who had attended, more than he thought would. He turned around and saw that Wat had stopped to talk to a senior. As he walked further, he saw all of his friends were here which he was very grateful for, they were always so supportive. As Tine walked in, he saw that a few eyes were following him, for once, this didn’t make him anxious instead he walked with his head held high. He knew he looked good, fit for the ball at least.

Before he could go and greet them, Pete cut into the line of his vision with a big gummy smile on his face, “Well, well well. If it isn’t the man of the hour, all of this for you huh, do you think you’re Cinderella?”

Tine couldn’t help but laugh at his ridiculousness, “Obviously, I would expect nothing less than this! Nearly asked for the palace but that might’ve been a step too far.” Tine raised his head to keep up the snobby act, Pete laughed along whilst shaking his head.

“Well you sure do look like a prince, maybe a slightly emo one, but you shall pass.”

Tine laughed at that, “Thank you, you can refer to me as ‘my lord’ or any other similar title.” Before he could continue, he felt an arm snake around his waist, he turned around and saw Wat was right next to him staring straight at Pete with a blank expression.

“Tine it’s time for us to take our seats, the auction is about to start.” The soft tone threw him off, Wat’s gentle words juxtaposed his hard expression, still looking at Pete. He pulled Tine towards him and all Tine could do was throw him an apologetic look. As they walked closer to the table, he saw that the lights were dimming, and the host was ready at the stage. Tine sent his friends varying dramatic expressions as they eyed up Wat’s arm around his waist, he would catch up with them later. As they almost reached the table, Wat let go of his waist and with that Third came into plain view.

He looked ethereal, he had his hair permed and he saw that his makeup accentuated his lush lips and doe eyes.   It was hard to not compare himself to him, he was so beautiful, and it was definitely no surprise that he would have caught Sarawat’s usually uninterested eye. He watched as Sarawat sent Third a quick smile before he sat down properly, Third’s dimpled smile appeared in return. Well.

“Welcome everyone! I am sure everyone attending tonight has been made aware of the great cause of this project. Any donations would be welcomed, but for now the bid for the special collection begins! The special collection has been designed by Supermodels Sarawat and Tine, they have individual and joint pieces available. I’m sure everyone can’t wait to get their hands on them- the clothes not the men-“ the audience laughed; he also heard some hollers that were definitely from his friends. “Let us begin!”

The food began to be served, as the auction began, golden trays of luxurious meals were held by waiters serving each table. Tine’s spirits were lifted at the sight before him, food always did do his mood some good. They all began to dig in as the first garment was introduced. Tine was surprised at the extent to which people were willing to pay for the garments, he would usually laugh at the carelessness of it all but he supposed he shouldn’t complain at the profits that would be going to the deserved. The next garment was one that he solely designed, without the help of anybody else. It was a tartan blazer that was cinched in the waist by a faux leather belt that could be worn as a dress or an oversized jacket. He was proud of it and smiled as the designer explained Tine’s inspiration behind it briefly.

“Right, first bidder for this item please come forward!”

“I offer 4,000 Baht!”

“Okay 4,000 Baht, going!”

“5,000 Baht from me!”

“Ah gentleman in the white offers-“

“10,000 Baht.” Tine nearly choked on his morsel of food as he heard a voice that he could never mistake for somebody else, he turned his head quickly to make sure he hadn’t just imagined Sarawat’s voice announcing that bid. He found Sarawat smirking, staring straight ahead at the stage in amusement as he heard the commotion in reaction of his words.

“ Saraleo , what are you doing?” Tine whispered  without meeting his eyes, and he was left unanswered. He drank a long sip of wine whilst accidentally making eye contact with Third, which was the last person he wanted to interact with as Sarawat openly- did whatever he was doing. Would wooing count? Maybe publicly courting him. Either way this was very awkward situation to be in.

“Ah- the rival designer has put his bid forward of a whooping 10,000 Baht, will there be anybody else? Going, going, gone to the designer’s date, it seems!” Everyone chuckled at that comment in good humour, Sarawat moved closer to Tine, putting his arm around his chair and flashing a small smile at Tine who could only awkwardly smile back.

He wanted to sit back and bask in Sarawat’s attention, he wanted to laugh in glee at everyone in the ballroom thinking that they were a possible couple. This was everything he wanted but he couldn’t help but be conscious of Third sitting across from him, how did he feel seeing this. If he and Sarawat truly had something he must be feeling awful right now. He couldn’t help but think that this was just an act by Sarawat, but when did Sarawat learn to act like this? The Sarawat could never fake a smile to look this genuine.

The auction moved on, flying through the bids and eventually all of the items had been sold. The buzz around the room queued the readiness for the night to properly begin, there was a big round of applause as the final item was sold. Tine took a deep breath; he had really done it. He was proud of what a success this entire project was now. The lights dimmed as the music began to play. Tine was ready to run to his friends as he looked at Sarawat he was reminded of the promise of sticking to each other at the beginning.

The ball had opted for the romantic theme to carry the night, romantic ballads began to play as people danced in couples. Tine hadn’t prepared for such a formal affair. Will Sarawat ask me to slow dance with him? Dammit why did I not see this coming? As if on cue, Sarawat looked down at Tine expectantly, who was still sitting contemplating his decision. Sarawat extended his hand with a determined smile, Tine knew he wouldn’t be able to deny this from him. They both put on their masquerade masks that were of a matching silk, Sarawat’s was purple to match Tine’s suit and Tine’s was black. There was a subtlety to the gesture that Tine couldn’t help but love, that if they were together it would be quite obvious to the entire ballroom.

As they made their way to the ballroom floor hand in hand, butterflies grew in Tine’s stomach as he saw people turn their heads to look at him. They all offered variations of smiles, sweet smiles from acquaintances and smirks from his close friends that he knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid later. As they reached an empty space, the chords of a new song began and Sarawat continued to hold onto one of Tine’s hands and put the other around his waist, there was a distance created by Sarawat probably for Tine’s comfort but he didn’t like it, he wanted to be closer but was still too hesitant to get any closer. Instead he put his spare hand on Wat’s shoulder awkwardly. They swayed slowly, Tine tried to avoid eye contact as he smiled at others dancing around them, he felt Wat’s hand tighten around his waist and couldn’t help but look up.

They hadn’t spoken properly all day, or at all since the incident a few days ago, he wanted to know if Wat’s anger was still present or if he had anything to say but as he looked directly at Wat all he saw was open and pure calmness in the moment. “Well, we did it Tine. This is it; we don’t have to do much promotion after this. We don’t have to see much of each other after this.” Tine didn’t know if his ears were betraying him but Wat said the last sentence with a hint of melancholy, as if that thought made him upset.

“I highly doubt that, now our agencies know that we work so well together we’ll probably be put in every campaign, every advertisement, every event together. Unfortunately for you, it looks like you’re stuck with me Wat.” Tine teased, as he said those words, he saw a smile grow bigger on Wat’s cheeks and his posture relax slightly as if the words comforted him.

“I suppose you’re right, they’ll never let us live after this, but doing all of that with you- doesn’t seem so bad. I enjoyed doing all of this with you- even with all of the drama.”

Tine put on a false expression of shock, “Us working together and there being drama? That doesn’t sound right, we never have problems.” The both of them chuckled at his words and as the song changed, the atmosphere became quieter and intimate. He felt Wat’s stare and for once, he chose to look back, he felt Wat trace his face even with the masquerade mask covering most of his face, the eyes landed on his lips for a longer time that caused for Tine’s breathing to slow, conscious of any movements.

“You look beautiful, Tine. I was meant to tell you earlier, but I didn’t have the chance, but I’m lucky tonight.” Tine felt his cheeks warm at those words, he was sure his cheeks were red and was glad for the dark purple hue of the lights that hid his reaction.

“Why are you lucky?” Tine whispered

Wat leaned down towards Tine’s ears, he felt his breathing against his cheeks, “I have you next to me, with me.”Tine couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in his stomach reach his throat at Wat’s words, his  blushing evident as he looked away with his big smile on his face.

They were still swaying but the distance between them became unbearable, he felt like he needed to be closer so he took Sarawat’s hand that was in his and guided it to his waist to meet  the other, as he put his arms around Wat’s shoulders. The velvet under his fingers was so soft, he ran his hand up and down his shoulders until he sent a slight smirk towards Wat. The other man was clearly shocked at Tine’s boldness but joined his hands around his waist and smiled down, as they swayed gentler. Wat lead their dance, which would make him laugh a few years ago because Wat really had two left feet, his cool illusion would disappear as soon as he tried to sidestep, but now he was poised and in control. It made Tine want to completely surrender control to the man in front of him.

Tine let himself stare at Wat to his heart’s desire, the mask covered too much of his face for his liking but it made him look untouchable, beyond reach as he did the first time Tine saw him at university. Always surrounded by an air of regality that intimidated most people, or made people worship him, but Tine had approached him and reached the barriers that kept Wat hidden from others. Now, he was in his arms. Tine knew the moment was going to end, the confusion would come back in full force but for now he didn’t want the song to ever end.

As the song continued, he let himself be guided by Sarawat, face’s close to each other, nearly every inch of their bodies touching with no space between them. Wat had a small smile on his face, as if he was at peace in this moment with Tine in his arms, as if this was the only place he would rather be right now. Wat leaned down again and sang the lyrics, so lightly that only Tine could possibly hear,

 Am I wrong for wanting us to make it?

Tell me your lies because I just can't face it

It’s you, it’s you.

Goosebumps grew on Tine’s neck as he felt Wat sing those lyrics so close that made him lean his head towards Wat until his head rested on Wat’s shoulder, the haze couldn’t be lifted. They hadn’t been so intimate in so long, Tine hadn’t felt this close to Wat in so long, physically, and emotionally. All of his barriers were down and Wat could pick his brain and ask him his deepest held secret and Tine would let all of the words spill, that I’m in love with you and that I don’t think I can stay away from you, even if I tried.

Then Tine lifted his head and stared right at Sarawat’s lips, they were right there and all he could wish is that they would be closer. But then the song ends, Wat’s hands slacken and drop from his waist, Tine clears his throat loudly and stands up straight once again. “I’m going to go to the bathroom, I’ll see you later.” He hated how weak his words sounded and needed to go somewhere and catch his breath quickly. Tine couldn’t read Wat’s expression, not with his eyebrows covered, all he could see was his eyes and they twitched slightly as if in disbelief but Tine really had to go and gather himself before he did something like confess his years of pining.

Instead, he walked towards the restroom sign, once inside he locked himself in a stall. The butterflies in his stomach were still tight, the haziness had left but he was still on a high that only Wat could give him. Fuck, had he been singing those lyrics to me? Did he want us to work out? In what way did he want us to work, what did he want dammit?

As he left the restroom, a bit calmer and more collected he saw his friends gathered on the edge of the dance floor, probably waiting for him. The songs had become more chill and now people were dancing in groups, the ball had now become a party. Fong saw him walking towards him and smirked, “Well if it isn’t the lover boy himself!” All of his friends turned to look at him and laughed as they welcomed him with different greetings.

“All of this attention you’re getting is thanks to my hard work, don’t forget to pay me, Tine now that you’re an established designer and all!” Pear said as she side-hugged him.

He knew the big elephant in the room, they had all seen him slow dancing with Sarawat, he was really for the disapproval, “Well, aren’t you all going to say something then, I know you’re dying to.”

Fong and Pear shared a look as if in agreement, he always got the chills whenever they did that. They were scarier than his own parents sometimes. “I think it would be a bit hypocritical of me to say anything, seeing as I am the one who told you to enjoy this night without thinking of the consequences. You’re enjoying yourself, that’s all that matters okay?”

“Tine you deserve all of this okay, we’re not going to ruin your night.” Fong slapped Tine’s back as he smiled.

“We’re all really proud of you for this okay, we know how hard you’ve worked for this so let’s enjoy our friend’s success, yeah?” Ohm grinned.

 “Now let’s go and dance, I’ll outdance all of you!” The group laughed at Fong’s audacity, they all moved towards the dancefloor and began dancing along to the upbeat music. It had been a while since they had all gone out like this and Tine just couldn’t help but to laugh and sing along with his friends. He missed not caring about the consequences, he missed seeing his friends wild out during a night out. They all continued to drink and dance, but Tine decided against drinking- he wanted to remember every detail of tonight.

Pear and Tine had been dancing together to their favourite song, but when it came to an end, he had a clingy Pear in his arms demanding to help her find her girlfriend. He supposed Earn was somewhere with Wat, they were probably on the other side of the floor as he hadn’t seen any of that group when they were dancing- not that he was looking for anyone in particular.

Pear took his hand and he walked along with her, apologising for her to people she accidentally bumped into. Tine saw Earn sitting at a table on the edge. Huh, he had expected someone else to be there but didn’t think about as they reached the table. Earn stood up and welcomed Pear into her arms, as she comforted her.

“Thanks for bringing her, Tine. Did you want to speak to Wat? He’s over there dancing, I think.” Earn said distractedly as Pear demanded all of her attention. They were sickingly sweet, even after so many years. He felt like he was intruding in a very private moment as Earn pet Pear’s hair and kissed her forehead as she laughed at her drunken girlfriend. He looked towards the dancefloor instead and found something that made his heart drop.

He saw Sarawat, dancing without a care in the world, he was laughing loudly and without boundaries, across from him was Third. They were staring at each other only as if they were the only people there. I’m such an idiot, I’m such a fool. Why did I ever think that I could make him that happy? 

His chest was burning as he witnessed the moment that he could never bring Sarawat. Third was the man for him, all Tine did was bring him bad luck and misery. Tonight, his brain had seen their slow dance as the possibility of Sarawat returning his feelings but all of it just been a façade. For appearance sake, for their supposed relationship to look real Sarawat had flirted with him, held him in his arms and danced with him so close. None of that was because Sarawat wanted it, he had done it for the promise that Tine had forgotten. He was a fool to forget why they had come together in the first place.

He couldn’t stand to be there any longer, not when he felt his tears burning his eyes, in need to be released. He bid Earn a quick farewell, without hearing her response. He couldn’t find his friends, so he sent a quick message to the group chat to tell them to message him when they got home but he had to leave early.

He walked through the grand villa, the large and empty corridors all closing in on him as his thoughts merged and scarred everything from tonight. Every pure moment, every shared look, none of it was real. Behind the burning torrent of emotions that were whirling in his chest, he felt a deep ache somewhere in his heart. He couldn’t hate Sarawat for this, it was a contract that they both agreed on and it was him who had forgotten it.

As he walked outside, he gulped in the fresh air, even that wasn’t enough. He couldn’t breathe properly, all he wanted to do was run and never look back. This was it. This was the answer he needed after all. It was truly over now.

He walked aimlessly down the street, lit up by the villa’s lights. He should call for a taxi, really but he couldn’t think straight, he just needed to keep walking or he would collapse on the pavement. His bones felt so heavy, his muscles weak and his tears blinded his vision. He rubbed his eyes in frustration, makeup probably running down his face. Tonight, had felt like a fairy-tale, his prince had finally chosen him for a dance, but all fairy-tales come to an end, this prince was not his and he only had eyes for another. He heard a shout behind him disrupt his thoughts, but he couldn’t hear the words clearly, he realised he was quite far from the Villa now. He would have to walk back to get a taxi but he just couldn’t bring himself to.

“Tine! Tine where the fuck are you? Please answer me dammit!”

As he turned around, and walked towards the Villa once again, he saw that it was Sarawat talking to his phone- trying to call him, it seems. His phone was on silent, so he hadn’t realised. Truthfully, he wanted to disappear before he saw him.

“Tine, is that you? Oh my god, Earn told me you disappeared so quickly and I-I didn’t know if you were drunk, I was worried-“ Sarawat rushed towards Tine, hand grabbing his own hair, before he reached for Tine.

Tine stepped back so that they wouldn’t come into contact. “Well- I’m not drunk so you can just go back inside and enjoy the rest of your night.” He made to turn around before his arm was grabbed, Sarawat had pulled him close to him as he examined his face.

“Have you been crying? What happened to you, did something happen in the party, who-“

“Why do you care Sarawat? Why are you here pretending as if you even care about me huh? We all know the person that you want to be with is inside there-“ Tine pointed towards the Villa and stepped back, “Stop pitying me or whatever the fuck you’re doing. I’m fine, I’m just tired and want to go home. Is that allowed, do I have permission?”

“What do you mean the person I want- I’m not pretending, you know I care about you, why would I pretend, when you’re so important to me, Tine. It’s impossible for me not to care about you.”

Tine suddenly couldn’t hold in his brittle laughter, “Oh please- save those words for someone who you do actually care for.”

“Why can’t I reach you Tine? You feel so far away even though we’re only inches apart from each other, what do I need to do to be closer?”

“Did you suddenly forget that you were the one who threw all of this behind? You are the one the one who walked away without a backward glance. You threw me away as if I was nothing to you, as if all of those years we spent with each other meant nothing to you. I’ve stayed silent about this, I didn’t even ask you even though that’s the only thing that’s been on my mind for so many years, what did I do to make the most important person in my life run away without an explanation? Fuck you, Sarawat. You don’t get to act like you have the right to be confused or that I owe you an explanation when you haven’t even bothered to tell me why you left.”

“I-I couldn’t stay Tine. It was for you, which I know is selfish I don’t get to decide what you want but fuck, that’s all I could think to do all those years ago. I just can’t-“

“Stop playing with me Sarawat. You still can’t even explain why you left—do I not at least deserve that? You expected me to just act like there was nothing wrong, you came back into my life and continued to play me like all those years ago, tell me why do you look at me like that huh? You know what it does to me, you know what others used to say. That you’re in love with me and I thought that for so long.” Tine giggled as his tears ran down his face, “It was the exact opposite. You didn’t care about me one bit, university came to an end and our careers began to skyrocket and instead of sticking with me you just dropped me as soon as you could! I really thought I was your ‘precious person,’ your Tua Woon Ai but all I was, was a nuisance. I realise that now, I didn’t mean as much to you as you meant to me- I’m sick of this push and pull game!“

Sarawat grabbed Tine’s face tightly, “Tine I couldn’t stay because you meant too much to me. For so many years, I showed it in my actions, that you were my only precious person. Fuck, every song I sang was for you, all of the time I spent teaching you guitar, all of those nightly phone calls we shared. How could I not fall in love with you, Tua Woon Ai? You were the only person who looked beyond the cold façade, you were the one who got me to open up and see wonders of the world that I was blocking out. Tine you brought so much into my life that when I left, I only felt like a shell.”

Tine was hearing these words, but he wasn’t able to process anything that was happening, his heart was beating too loud, overpowering the words that were coming from Wat’s mouth. What was he saying, he’s in love with me? This just couldn’t be happening, why would he love me for so long and leave me so easily?

“I spent so many years loving you, Tine. I was satisfied with just loving you, I didn’t expect anything in return- I wanted to show you the world and that was enough for me. Being next to you as your best friend was enough Tine.”

Tine’s head was spinning at all of these words, what was he even hearing, surely this wasn’t possible? “Y-you can’t just say that. You can’t say you l-lo- care about me when you just left without even saying anything. That’s not what you do to someone you’re in love with! Why didn’t you come back?”

“I wanted to come back when my feelings calmed down, I thought if I spent some time away then it would be better for the both of us- before all of this ruined our friendship-“

“You already ruined everything, do you realise how what you did fucked me up for so long, that I still can’t even trust openly?!-“

“But you were thriving after I left Tine, there was no point of me coming back anyway- it would just cause pain. Your career began to soar, and I-I saw the photos, you were happy.”

Tine saw red, pushing Sarawat away from him, as he caged his own arms around him as if he needed to hold himself back. “You completely broke me Sarawat. You don’t get to decide if I was happy or not, you out of all people should know how easy I find it to pretend that everything’s okay. You’re the one who pushed through all of my barriers with your concern and blunt words, Wat. You are- were so important to me, how dare you decide that you leaving me was a good thing for me?!”

Sarawat stares at him eyes wide as he continues. “You broke my heart, Wat. You’re my first love—I have been in love with you for so many years, that I can’t even remember what it feels like not loving you. You reign over my thoughts, even back in university, I second guessed everything you did. I thought you loved me just as much as I loved you.”

Tine closes his eyes, hugging himself tighter. “You know what’s funny about this whole thing?” He laughed, but there was no humour in it. “I was about to tell you…I was gonna confess how I felt, but then… I never heard from you again. Not even a note left for me Wat—” Tine broke off as his sobs racked through his body. They were ruined, damaged. Feelings were mutual but did that matter if everything they had was in tatters?

He heard Wat shift and walk towards him, enveloping him in a hug. Tine fought with every ounce of power he had, pushing against him until all he could do was give into the warmth Wat’s arms provided. The same man that had caused so much hurt, that he had hurt unintentionally was the only one who could remedy this aching in his body.

They stood there for what seemed like hours but were merely minutes. Wat held him tighter, rubbing his back to try and calm him down the best way he knew how. Tine felt him get lost in the feeling until he remembered something.

Tine suddenly pushed Wat off, not caring for the wounded expression on Wat’s face.

“What about Third huh?” Tine began. “You might’ve been in love with me, but now you’re with him and you can’t just pretend that he isn’t in your life. I know he makes you happy and that he’s got the same humour as you, he’s as calm as you, he’s your- “

His rambling was cut off by Wat smashing his full lips against his as he grabbed his face. Tine stared at Wat in complete disbelief but as Wat moved his lips to fit against his, Tine could feel fight leaving his body, wanting nothing more than to give in but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t allow Sarawat to ruin the good thing he had going with Third just because he was in love with him.

Tine fought through the kiss, using full force of his lips to push back but Wat was determined, using his tongue to demand access into Tine’s mouth. Tine felt his resolve crumble and he couldn’t help but give in. There was no peace in this kiss, only burning passion and years of frustration. Tine couldn’t breathe but he refused to let go as he felt the lips he had wanted against his for so long. He felt Wat’s grin as he used his teeth against his lips instead of the soft lips he wanted.

Tine broke the kiss in anger, but Sarawat pulled him in gently until their foreheads touched. “You can’t just kiss me! Third is still-“

“Tua Woon Ai, he’s my best friend . Nothing more, nothing less.” Tine froze as Wat continued. “I didn’t lie to you when you asked me before, and I won’t lie to you now. His boyfriend was present today, the tall moody one?” Sarawat held Tine’s face with one hand and gently used his thumb to wipe the tears from Tine’s face. God he probably looked like a complete mess, but all he saw was the tenderness in Wat’s eyes grow with a smile.

Ah. Perhaps, Tine was an idiot but really who can blame him? As Tine began to open his mouth to explain himself, he was attacked by multiple kisses all over his face. For the first time since he had been outside, he leaned his face in to accept the love from the man who loved him.

As the intense air became calmer, Tine couldn’t help but close in on himself, he still had so much to say and was still processing something that he had thought impossible for so many years. Sarawat’s gentle tone lulled him away from his thoughts, “Tine, do you want to go back inside? Your friends are still there, the ball probably won’t end for hours.”

The truth was, that Tine was exhausted. “I don’t know Wat- I think I’ll just go home, I am actually quite tired and-“ His words were interrupted by a loud rumbling that broke the quietness. His stomach had just rumbled, dammit could you not wait five minutes before you showed yourself, he complained to himself. Wat laughed quietly at it, clearly it had been quite loud.

“D-do you want to go and eat with me? The restaurant is nearby, we could probably just walk there and then I’ll take you home. You shouldn’t sleep whilst your hungry anyway.”

There was a vulnerability in Sarawat’s words, one that he could hear in his slightly shaky voice that he tried to hide with his usual bravado, but as Tine looked into his eyes he realised for once, they could be on the same page. If they talked properly, Tine’s migraine that grew over the years would begin to fade.

“O-okay, let’s go then.” Wat began to walk, leading the way to the restaurant, their restaurant.

Tine walked behind Wat, instead deciding to sort out his thoughts, he still had questions the main being the reason for Wat’s departure. As they walked, Tine couldn’t help but second guess everything maybe, Wat didn’t have the same feelings for him anymore, he had probably moved on. Perhaps the kiss was just him getting caught up in his past emotions, the heat of the moment. Surely, those years away from him made his feelings disappear, that would explain why Wat was so cold at the beginning of this project.

It just didn’t make any sense to Tine. He had no doubt in his mind that Wat loved him, but it could be that he wasn’t in love with him anymore.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realise that they had already reached there. Wat opened the door and gestured Tine to enter before him. Tine walked in and opted to choose their usual table, for tradition’s sake. As they settled down, Tine skimmed through the menu, just for the sake of not having to meet the other man’s gaze. He heard him clear his throat, “Here we are again, huh. We came here at the beginning of our friendship, the beginning of the project and now-“  Wat looked down and smiled sheepishly, “We really are suckers for traditions, Tine.”

Tine smiled, this restaurant had really seen them in every manner. At every stage of their relationship but right now he didn’t know where they were at. “I suppose you’re right, this restaurant really has seen it all. Remember, you had to bring me here because you thought I was heartbroken over Pear having feelings for Earn?” Sarawat nodded fondly, “Well, let me tell you what really happened- I had failed a test and I was just too embarrassed to tell you when you saw me crying. The truth is I knew about Pear and Earn, they weren’t exactly subtle, but you had found me and assumed it was because of them so I just played along with it!” Sarawat’s eyes twitched at this in disbelief.

“You made me believe that you had such strong feelings for Pear? I mean you literally learned the guitar for her- you would bend over backwards to help her and you even made me perform Everything for her and that was just a week before Pear and Earn got to together?!”

Tine smiled bashfully as he heard Wat’s angered smile, “Yes but did you ever think about why I continued to attend our guitar sessions even after she had gotten with someone? It wasn’t her I was trying to impress, Sarawat. I wanted to still have a reason to see you at the time, I was scared that if we didn’t continue the agreement, then you would just go back to being a stranger Wat.

“The truth is that I had already fallen for you. I didn’t know it at the time but I wanted something more, I wanted to be the one person you let in and I couldn’t bear it if you realised that I didn’t actually need to continue the sessions.” Tine finished, expecting for Wat’s angered words or annoyance, but instead as their food came to the table, and there was a soft silence only interrupted by Wat tapping his finger on the table lightly.

“You could never be a stranger to me, Tine. I-I already had a crush on you, from before. I had seen you at one of our concert’s and you were- you were so happy, I don’t know what it was, but it was like there was a halo around you. Everyone around you was enjoying it sure, but you were jumping up and down, singing along and you just seemed like you were the happiest in that moment. Then, I started seeing you around uni more and I realised you just were a happy person, you were always making people laugh.

“Then you turned up at music club, demanding for my help and I just couldn’t really process that you were in front of me, asking for my help specifically. I wasn’t in love with you at the time, Tine but dammit I knew if I spent anymore time with you that would be the only possibility. I promised myself- that I wouldn’t let my feelings ruin this because all I knew was that I wanted you in my life regardless. Of course, though, I was right. All of those late-night phone calls where you would open up about your insecurities, your fears, your dreams; all of the time spent together- to the point you nearly lived at my dorm. I found out your ‘Mr Chic’ persona was just a defence mechanism, that you always tried to show your love to others by doing everything for them, that you were scared that you were unlovable. But you were my precious person, Tine, my nuisance who had digged a place in my heart so deep that I physically couldn’t get you out.”

As Wat stopped his admission, Tine felt tears run down his face. He couldn’t stop nor could he speak. These were the words he wanted to hear for so long, that he didn’t know what to do now that he had heard it. “Dammit- Sarawat why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I tried. Believe me I tried. At first, I was happy just being next to you and loving you regardless of your emotions for me. I sang my feelings to you countlessly, but I knew you wouldn’t figure that out. I learned all of the Scrubb songs I could for you, but not for you to acknowledge my feelings, it was so that I could be the cause of your unabashed happiness Tine. B-but, near the end of university, it started feeling so real Tine. You began flirting back, you began realising the meaning behind the lyrics I sang to you. You began asking questions about sexuality even though you knew I was gay since I told you when we first became friends. I was ready to confess.”

“You didn’t confess though. You left me instead, Sarawat. You still haven’t told me why you left.” Tine whispered as he stared down at his plate.

“I was scared at first Tine. I was used to just being comfortable in this one-sided love. After graduation, you cried to me, you said you were scared of us changing, and God I had the same fear. I didn’t want anything to change, but I was convinced that you could feel the same about me, Tine. I think I had made my mind up that I would confess to you sooner or later. Then a-at the graduation party, we were both so drunk. So drunk but we didn’’t leave each other’s side. You clinged onto me, dragged me to dance with you and the way you were looking at me was just so different. You wouldn’t stop staring at my lips. Then we got to my dorm, with a lot of difficulty if I remember correctly. As soon as we reached there, you went into my wardrobe, chose your favourite t-shirt of mine and sat on my bed waiting for me.”

That night, that moment was something that Tine could never forget. The intensity of the night had not left when they entered Wat’s house, instead it was even more electrified. They didn’t speak, only avoiding eyes until Wat finally joined him on his bed. Tine had drunkenly demanded for Wat to sing for him, which he did- out of tune and with flaws but it was his song for Tine. At the time, all Tine could think about was that he would very much like to kiss those lips that were singing to him, so he had pushed Sarawat down and kissed him as he straddled him, he could only remember the hard pressing of lips, the desperate hands in his hair but the memory ended there.

“After that- It only gave me more confidence that you wanted me too Tine, but our modelling careers was already taking off at that moment, we were working together but it was already changing. We were both too busy, we wouldn’t call every night, we would hardly eat together. So I planned to tell you that weekend that I loved you and that I wanted to be there when you got home and I wanted to cook for you first thing in the morning so that we would still have our private moments. But Win- that weekend, the news broke. You and your fellow model, you were working with at the time were supposedly dating. I was so angry at you Tine, firstly I couldn’t believe you would hide it from me and-”

Tine could not believe his ears, “That was fake Sarawat! As soon as that was announced, the agency denied it like a week later. You know it was fake and you still-”

“Of course, I found out it was fake Tine but you told me that, the same time as the rest of the world knew. You didn’t even bother to tell me- the closest person to you that you were told to fake date someone, and that you had no feelings for him. Do you know what hurt the most? You told me so casually over the phone, laughing as if you didn’t know how much that would kill me. I shouted, which I shouldn’t have done but you told me to calm down and not overreact. I felt like you had just thrown me aside and I just couldn’t handle not being important to you. I couldn’t handle the thought of you not caring for me anymore, Tine.”

“Sarawat- that’s not why I reacted like that, I-I was just trying to be casual, I was being stupid and listened to Ohm and Phuak which I know I shouldn’t have done. They said- they said if I could find out that you were truly jealous, it would prove your feelings for me. It was childish and ridiculous- and oh my god I lost you because of that.” Tine wanted to cry at the ridiculousness of the situation. “Fuck, this could’ve been sorted out so quickly, why didn’t you come back ?”

“I saw you thriving, Tine I saw you getting the success you deserved and I thought maybe I didn’t need to be there- next to you, loving you.  I wanted to fall out of love with you and come back. I know it was so selfish of me- I never had the right to do any of that to you. It was impossible anyway. Every day since this project began- I’ve beaten myself up at the fact that I missed so many years, I missed you grow into this great person that you are. I caused you so much hurt, and now- I don’t deserve you anymore.”

Tine sat there, chewing his food. He had finally relaxed, the tears had stopped. After so many years, this is exactly what he had been yearning for, an explanation for Sarawat’s departure, that he had always blamed himself for. He supposed he always forgot that Sarawat did actually care for him, he couldn’t comprehend how someone who treasured him would leave without a note or would never try to come back. Wat had been hurting just as much as Tine, and it was their equal responsibility for not communicating. They had both been fools, scared about consequences, scared about ruining their friendship when this entire misunderstanding jeopardised their untouchable bond.

“You leaving me really fucked me up, you know. I’m not telling you so that you feel guilty, but Wat you were the most important person in my life. Every part of my life was painted by you, but the truth was that I couldn’t understand your colours, sometimes I could see plain as day that you loved me the most, but then other days you were cold. But you leaving really was my biggest fear, I opened up to you and gave you everything and you just left. I know now, that you were hurting as well, Wat. We both hurt each other so much.”

“Right and I understand- I understand if you don’t want me in your life anymore. Or if you want to start from the beginning, a fresh canvas, no Sarawat and Tine from the past.”

Tine hummed at the words, he looked outside and saw the trees rustling, dancing to the calm wind. Tine wasn’t outside but for the first time he breathed in without a heavy chest, his head was clearer. He was optimistic for the first time in so long.

“I suppose we have a lot of years to catch up on, Wat. We could never be strangers—we could never unlearn the things that we learned about the other. We’ll just have to continue from where we left of. Friends.” Tine grabbed Wat’s and smiled at him, “This time we have to communicate, we can’t let these misunderstandings destroy us.”

Tine looked down at their joined hands and as Sarawat smiled back, Tine felt like they had finally reached an understanding. They finally knew each other’s struggles, and while it wasn’t perfect, Tine knew it would be worth it.

It would be a lot of work, but they were going to be okay. 

Chapter Text

It had been two weeks since the Masquerade Ball; two weeks since Sarawat and Tine finally cleared up all confusion and misunderstandings that lasted for way, way, too long.

It had been such a turbulent journey that Tine almost couldn’t believe that they had made it this far. But they did. And now, it felt like they had reached some sort of understanding. But in all honesty? Tine was terrified.

He had been terrified the moment he heard Wat’s confession—as if he felt that at any moment, Wat would take all those words back and leave again. He supposed it would take time to build up the trust he once had in Wat. He knew they could work out differences whilst dating, but he couldn’t take the chance. Mutual feelings weren’t enough to suddenly make up for the distance that their misunderstandings had caused.

Fortunately, Wat had easily agreed to the decision of them starting slow, building back up the foundation of their friendship first.

Before they could start from anew completely, to build everything up together again, Sarawat was called away for work. He had to go overseas for a model campaign, they were both working adults with busy careers, but they were in such a fragile stage of their relationship, they had only just began to see each other clearly.

The truth is that Tine misses Sarawat. Sarawat had to leave as soon as they had made up, and honestly if that wasn’t enough evidence that the universe was against him then he didn’t know what else was. He was currently in Rome, he had sent a private snap to Tine, of him sleeping on the plane, with his cheeks squished against his neck pillow (and if Tine had thrown his phone because he couldn’t handle how cute he was being? Well that was his business.) and then as soon as he arrived, he received another picture of the Italian weather. Even with the distance, they had been messaging all week. Both would send random memes, or Wat would comment on the fashion shows he was attending, and even to Tine’s delight they had revived their old tradition of calling each other every night. The first night it had been a complete surprise—

(“Wat? Isn’t it like 6pm for you, don’t you have a schedule today?”

“Hmm, I just wanted to hear your voice, is that such a crime?”

Tine had blushed deeply, thanking the universe that this was a phone call and Wat couldn’t see his face.

“Wait, now I miss your face as well, we’ll just have to FaceTime now.”)

Sarawat had filled him in on the show—then they just spoken about everything and anything. The awkward pauses were to be expected, but now instead of a cold Sarawat looking back at him, he had a fond look  and a lopsided smile as he stared back.  

Wat continued to call Tine at midnight, regardless of the time difference in the different countries he visited. He wouldn’t let his tiredness stop him, if he were too tired- Tine would just talk at him, filling him in memories that he hadn’t been present in. Wat was trying- as he always had before to show Tine that he mattered to him, and the warmth in Tine’s heart continued to spread. If they could continue to try and find themselves again, maybe their love would be enough to fix this.

Now it had been exactly two weeks since he had seen Wat and as silly as it was, he missed him. Out of pride, he hadn’t really asked Wat when he was coming back, he didn’t want to distract Wat from his work or make him feel bad  so instead, he sent him a funny meme as soon as he woke up captioning it ‘a good morning present for you’ and much to his annoyance he was left on read. He realised the other man was probably very busy or just forgot to message back, but Tine’s brain began to do what it did best- overthink.

He distracted himself by finishing his essay, which really wasn’t the most uplifting thing to do but it preoccupied his mind the most. Still, he couldn’t help but glance at his phone waiting for a notification from a certain someone to light up his phone so much so that he had to throw his phone onto his bed to stop himself from checking. It had been a few hours of reading about environmental law and trying to reach the essay’s word limit until he called it a day. It was 6pm, and really that was enough time for someone to text him back. Yet, his notifications remained Sarawat-less. He huffed and threw his phone onto his bed once more and left his room in favour of preparing a bare minimum meal.

“He has no obligation to message me every day,” Tine mumbled to himself. “But it would be nice for him to have at least liked the message I sent him or something- is it really that hard?” He rolled his eyes. Whatever.

Tine walked towards the kitchen, not feeling up to making a full meal, so he settled on ramen. He really did need to go grocery shopping and take this adulting business seriously. As he went to put the kettle on, he jumped as he heard his doorbell ring. He wasn’t expecting any guests nor did he order anything… maybe his friends got bored and decided to turn up at his without telling him? He wouldn’t put it past them.

Walking towards the door, he was already ready to fight them—but if they brought food, maybe he’d be willing to fight them another day.

He opened the door, fighting words on the tip of his tongue only to be cut off by a full of food held up at eye level and only one person behind it.

“Special delivery for a Mr. Tine?”

The bag moved to reveal a very smug Sarawat. Tine blinked, noticing that his hair was a mess, eyes puffy suggesting that he had been asleep not that long ago.

“What are you doing here?! Did you just get here, why are you not in Europe somewhere? You said you were coming back tomorrow?”

“Oh, I’ll just go back then, shall I?” Sarawat teased gently, his smug look becoming softer.

Wat began to walk away until Tine grabbed his arm with both hands.

“No- I just mean, you just landed right? Aren’t you tired, it must’ve been such a long flight, Wat. You should get some rest, you didn’t have to- “

“You’re right I’m tired,” Wat interrupted. “It’s been a long week, and I would like nothing more than to be in bed right now… but there’s one thing I’ve been looking forward to all week.”

Tine looked at him in confusion, waiting for Wat’s response.

Wat huffed and rolled his eyes fondly.

“I’ve been wanting to see you.” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in this world.

He gently moved Tine back so he could make his way inside, walking towards the living room so he could set the food on his coffee table.

Tine watched him, still stunned by his confession. He was shaken out of it when Wat looked back, eyebrow raised, waiting for Tine to close the door and come sit with him. Tine felt like he was experiencing form of emotional whiplash; being annoyed at Wat’s regard for his own health and being completely touched that Wat wanted to see him and walked around his place like he was completely familiar with Tine’s new house. Tine couldn’t even process that instead of going straight home and resting, Wat had wanted to see Tine this desperately and he had even bought dinner for him.

“You said you’d been eating ramen for dinner for 3 days now, I knew I’d have to buy some actual food for you.” As Tine sat down, Wat smiled at him with his lopsided smile as he shook his head at him, “You’d be having ramen again, if I didn’t come right?”

Tine looked away in slight bashfulness and tried to change the topic, “How long was the flight? Did you sleep on the plane, your eyes are so puffy—you can sleep upstairs if you want to.” He said whilst eating a big mouthful of food.

“I’m fine, nuisance, I came to see you, anyway. I won’t leave without playing FIFA with you- after you won last time my pride took a hit.” He said with false sincerity. Tine laughed at the other man’s childishness.

“Fine, eat quickly then. Tell me about your schedule today, was it in the morning?”

Sarawat began to speak of the lunch he had with a world-famous designer, along with other models and even some actors and began to talk about the quirky details he would always pick up. Sarawat just viewed social interactions differently, it was always interesting listening to events from his perspective, which he would usually laugh along with or challenge but right now, Tine was quiet and distracted. Truthfully, his heart was still in his throat, from the moment that he had realised Wat had come straight from the airport to his, just to see him and feed him. These were the gestures Wat would do before, which always made Tine second guess his disbelief of Sarawat’s love for him. Yet this time, Tine knew Wat’s feelings, he had genuinely missed him. Tine had missed him as well—but he just could never be as blunt as Sarawat was.

Lost in thought, he looked up and saw that Sarawat had actually stopped speaking and was just looking at Tine in confusion. “Are you—Should I not have come today? You must be tired; I didn’t even really think about how you would take this…”

“No, I-I don’t have a problem with you being here. I’m fine I was just writing an essay all day so that might be why I’m out of it.” He caught a flash of disappointment before Wat looked down and continued eating, “I promise I’m okay.”

As Wat chewed his food, he raised his brows and just simply looked at Tine. “You know, I could’ve sworn that we promised to communicate better than this.” Tine choked on his morsel at his bluntness. God, he should’ve known that he can’t hide anything from Wat.

“It’s not anything bad, I promise if it was, I would tell you!”

Wat continued to poke at his food and sighed deeply.

Tine felt mortified that this had blown up into such a big thing when, really the fact of the matter is that Tine was overwhelmed, “I missed you okay! That’s it.” Sarawat’s disappointed expression turned into one of confusion.

“You what—“

“I missed you, and you didn’t reply to my message today so I really didn’t expect anything today and then you just turned up at my door, with food telling me you wanted to see me. And I’m just- I wanted to see you too.” Tine looked down in deep embarrassment, he was sure his cheeks were red and that he had fumbled on some words. It was quiet between them for a moment. Tine bit his lip, trying to think of anything to break the tension, until he heard Wat’s feet pad towards him. He felt more than saw Wat sit next to him, probably waiting for him to look up.

Wat chuckles softly. “Tua Woon Ai, you’re so cute. I know you missed me. You didn’t have to tell me because our facetime calls and constant texting told me, but I appreciate your effort- to tell me. I love hearing these words from you, Tine.”

Wat patted his head, letting his fingers brush through Tine’s hair gently. Then he got up, taking their plates with him and said, “Well it’s time for the game you promised me… unless you’re scared to lose.” He walked away, leaving Tine with a light feeling in his heart.

They messed around on FIFA and played several matches, maybe too many. They didn’t realise that actually they had been at it for hours. As they finished the match, Sarawat leaned back onto the sofa and closed his eyes. Tine stared at him to his heart’s content, taking advantage of the other man’s momentary rest. His hair was tousled from jumping around during the game, yet it still fell perfectly on his face. Tine loved playing games with Wat, it always involved Wat becoming way too competitive, pushing Tine away and being overly-animated- so far removed from the Sarawat that others knew.  Sarawat’s cheeks were rosy from the heat of the game, there were bags under his eyes that showed his tiredness, but it was countered by the content smile on his face. Tine hadn’t even realised he was smiling as he traced his face with his eyes- that’s why when Sarawat opened his eyes suddenly Tine couldn’t even look away in time.

Turning away from, Wat he occupied himself with turning the PlayStation and TV off and cleaning the coffee table. “It’s- uh. It’s late. Did you want to eat something? I think there are some things leftover. You probably want to get home right, it’s so late and-“ His rambling was cut by Wat lightly grabbing Tine’s upper arm, squeezing until Tine finally turned to look at him.

He was met with wide eyes and the content smile was now a wide grin, head tilted as he leaned back on the sofa. At that moment, Wat looked so at peace, so warm that Tine only wanted to be there right next to him or, closer if he could be.

“Let me stay over Tine.” He whined slightly, the way he did on their facetime calls during the week when Tine would want to end the call to sleep. Tine shook his head at the childishness Sarawat was displaying, even if his heart was beating faster and he had an overwhelming urge to pat Sarawat’s head.

Instead, Tine narrowed his eyes, “If you could drive here, then you can drive yourself home too.” He supposed his slightly harsh words were softened by his teasing tone; after all he didn’t want Sarawat to leave. He wanted to stay in this cocoon warmed by Wat’s presence; the outside world was forgotten. Only them, their loud words, and their quiet touches.

“I drove here with the intent of not driving anywhere else for the rest of the day.” Wat sighed exaggeratedly and pouted as he moved slightly closer to Tine, his tone lowered, “Seriously, I don’t think I can drive anywhere right now without getting into some sort of accident, let me sleep on your sofa please.” Wat looked away as if embarrassed.

“I was just teasing, obviously you can sleepover. I'll get the guest room ready for you, there’s a spare toothbrush somewhere in the bathroom. W-we can go up now, if you want to, you look like you’re five seconds away from passing out.”

Wat just smiled back as he got up, “Hmm, maybe you’ll have to carry me upstairs, I don’t think I can take the journey, I felt your biceps I’m sure you can take it.” Tine scoffed at his words, walking across the living room, expecting Wat to follow, he was glad his slight blush wasn’t visible.

As they walked up the stairs, it was silent Wat was following right behind him and it made him completely aware of every move, if his breathing was too loud, even if he knew that Wat was probably too sleepy to even focus on him. As they reached the landing, Tine pushed Wat towards the bathroom, ushering him inside, “There’s a spare towel as well, if you want to shower.” He received a light hum in response. “Knock on my door when you’re done, I’ll set up the spare room for you then.”

As he heard the bathroom door lock, he went inside his own bedroom, and sat down on the chair at his desk. His desk was placed close to his window, allowing him to lose himself as he looked at the pitch-black sky for a while. After some time had passed, he decided to change into his sleeping shorts and oversized tee when he suddenly heard a firm knock on his door.

He opened the door and saw that Wat was leaning on the doorframe waiting for him, with his arms crossed. His eyes travelled straight to Wat’s arms; his biceps visible because of his sleeveless tank top. It also didn’t help that Wat was wearing such short-length shorts, that cut right at his upper thighs, showing his thick and muscular legs. He knew he was probably being very obvious right now, but his tired and distracted brain didn’t seem to care.

“Are you done ogling at me, Tine? Here I am ready to sleep, and you want to-”

“Do not finish that sentence if you don’t want to get kicked out.” Tine glared as he turned around and opened the guest room next to his bedroom. He turned the lights on and waited for Wat to walk in first, but instead, Wat turned, leaning his body towards Tine and whispered, “Thank you,” with a smirk on his face.

“Saraleo, don’t think I won’t just make you go home anyway!” Tine said, trying to hide how flustered that made him. He walked towards the wardrobe and took out the extra pillows for Wat. He knew he would need them, he remembered he always slept with several pillows, one for him to cuddle with. His cheeks warmed at the past memories, of Sarawat using him as the spare pillow when they would share the bed. He was slightly glad that they weren’t sharing the same bed tonight because he doesn’t think he would be able to handle it. 

He turned around and saw that Wat was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring right at him, looking at him expectedly. As usual, he wasn’t shy about being caught so Tine just busied himself with setting the pillows on the bed, even if he could still feel Wat’s eyes on him. Well, Tine didn’t need to be shy either, we both feel the same way, we’ve established that, that mean’s I can stare at him as much as I want right? I can be as close to him as I want to be?

Still, Tine was hesitant. He stopped setting the pillows and met Wat’s gaze, his head was tilted watching him through the curtains of his wet hair. Tine sighed at him before he slowly walked towards him, he saw the change in Wat’s face, his slightly hooded eyes widening, his smile disappearing until his mouth was slightly open. As Tine stood between Wat’s legs, he heard the exhale of a quiet sigh and met the confused expression directed up at him.

Tine reached for the towel sitting on Wat’s shoulders, “You never did dry your hair like you should.” He whispered gently, he placed the towel on Wat’s head, gently massaging the towel through his hair, focusing on the task in hand.

“Hmm, are you worried I’ll get sick?” Wat whispered back, his words said slowly and gently, keeping the peace of the moment, he hummed as he became putty in Tine’s massaging fingers. Tine fondly watched Wat’s eyes close; a pleased, sleepy expression growing further.

“Every time I saw you do it, I would want to take the towel from you and do it myself. I could never bring myself to, but now…” He put the towel aside and ran his own fingers through Wat’s dryer hair, running his fingers through the soft hair from the roots to the ends. Wat’s thighs became tighter around Tine’s legs, the soft heat juxtaposing with the feeling of the muscles of his thighs flexing slightly. Tine wanted to stay there between Wat’s thighs, he wanted to feel them under him, fuck he always had a weakness for them.

Wat finally opened his eyes, hooded from the calming massage he had just received and pulling Tine from his spiralling thoughts. “And now you can do whatever you wanted to before, you know that right?”

He took Tine’s hands which were still placed in his hair and held them with both his hands. Tine stared at their intertwined hands and smiled gently and squeezed their hands. He still couldn’t believe they were at this stage, it all felt so surreal that he couldn’t even process most of it. It all felt hazy, but Wat’s light touches grounded him. He had so much that he wanted to do, right now but he could never bring himself to.

“You should go to sleep now, Wat.” He smiled at the man’s growing pout, even when his eyes were already closing, he was sure the head massage had induced him to sleep as soon his head hits the pillow. “Good night.”

“Goodnight Tine, thank you for- you know.” His words were slurring as he tucked himself in.

Tine turned the light off and left the room, slightly shaking he entered his own room. He began his nightly cycle, hands shaking as he replayed the entire day in his head as he washed his face. Had Wat really wanted to see him so bad that he came to his house straight from the airport?

How hadn’t he gotten sick of me when he spoke to me all week? Tine thought. I’m sure he won’t want to see me for the rest of the week now; and that’s fine, I won’t complain. He sighed. At least I got to see him today. He had come all the way back from Europe and instead of going straight home, he came over and listened to my mundane stories with so much interest. God, I don’t deserve him. He couldn’t even reflect on the moment from moments ago. Instead he finished his skincare routine and got into bed.

 All he could think about was the feeling of warm thighs around his legs and fluffy hair between his fingertips and all he could see were big brown eyes staring at him until he slept.

Tine was suddenly woken up with a text alert. He checked the time on the clock across from his bed. Who was messaging him at 8am?

Tine, I had to go in for work early, (they never let me sleep in) I brought you breakfast. It’s in the microwave, heat it up when you wake up.

Tine laid back and stared at his ceiling. Why had a sudden rush of sadness just hit him? He had been dreading the awkwardness that the morning always brings, but he hated unsaid goodbyes more. He knew it seemed dramatic, but he hated the feeling of not knowing where he stood with the other, at the current moment. They had spent so much time together but what if he had somehow annoyed Sarawat with his overbearing presence? He supposed he really couldn’t anything but sleep or he would overthink himself to the point of doing something embarrassing like calling Wat right now.

He woke up again at 12pm, he felt extra drowsy but better than he did earlier. He looked at his phone in case someone had tried to contact him. He smiled as he stared at the other’s text. Wat sure did love feeding him and well, he loved eating. A pair made in heaven some would say. After he ate the breakfast wrap that Wat had bought him, he sent a text full of emojis to make sure Wat knew he was very grateful for the food. He still felt weird. All he could do was stop himself from overthinking by focusing on things like completing the group assignment that he had been putting off.

He finished the skype call with his group early in the evening. He always hated working with people who weren’t close to him but that skype call hadn’t been too awkward, instead they had all united in their struggle which really was just how university students bonded. He went to text his friend’s group chat and instead saw a missed call from a certain Sarawat.

Hey Wat, you called?

Yes, you seem busy though so it’s okay.

I was just doing groupwork

Did you make any friends?

That’s obviously what happens when we do groupwork

Of course not, but we did bond over the misery that law school is

My talented future lawyer in the making.

Yeah, yeah let’s see if I can get through it first. How was work?

The usual. I’m going to be very busy for the next two weeks.

 I’ll only be able to see you at the final shoot ☹

The use of the emoji was so endearing, that Tine had to giggle. When he realised what it actually meant Tine sobered up quickly. The shoot was in four days, he hated feeling clingy, but he wanted to see him before that. For that reason, he pushed his feelings away and hid what he wanted to actually say.

Okay, I’ll see you then! Maybe the exclamation mark would subdue the real bitterness of the words.

I’m going to go have dinner now, I’ll talk to you later.

————————                

The next three days almost felt like how his days went by before the project. He met his mother for lunch, who had a lot of kind words to say about the project (but mostly related to Sarawat). He met with Pear to walk her puppy and visited new coffee place as they usually did (Obviously, he only had the sweetest and least coffee-tasting drink). Finally, he and his friends had their nightly PlayStation session which was even more of a mess when they were all shouting at each other through their headsets.

The only thing different was that now, Sarawat was actually in his life. Despite not seeing him, the texts didn’t stop, during every break Sarawat got he would send Tine a small update or a random song recommendation. Tine would in turn send Sarawat a random fact during the day or a selfie of him doing absolutely anything. They continued their nightly facetime call at midnight, he didn’t know why but he expected it to end when Wat came back from Europe. Albeit, the calls were shorter, and Wat looked so exhausted that Tine would just make up a lame excuse to  cut the call. He didn’t want to be an obligation, he didn’t want Wat to sacrifice sleep and time for him, he just didn’t want to be a burden. 

He had two more days until the final shoot of the project. He was not counting down the days, at all. He did have a life, but he did catch himself daydreaming about Sarawat being next to him whilst he studied, replaying the memory of him on his sofa and then in his guestroom. Reliving the intimacy in his head, it was the closest they’d been without work being involved, without them playing it up for the camera and without the confusion of what was between them. He was pulled out of his daydream from a text from Fong.

Be ready at 7, we’re all going out for dinner and drinks!

I don’t have a choice, do I?!

Well, obviously. All you would do is sit there and pine after your busy boyfriend.

He is not my boyfriend. And fine, you’re driving me there.

(He couldn’t deny the pining part).

He was in the passenger seat of Fong’s car, with Ohm and Phuak in the back, bickering over their opinions on the most recent Korean drama that they were binging. He sat back and just stared outside as the sun was setting. He looked towards his phone, still there was no notification from Sarawat. It had become such a norm that they texted each other frequently in the evening that he felt weird when there was no word from Sarawat, apart from his usual lunch text. He hated the inkling of insecurity peeking out at him. Had he gotten bored of this routine already?

No, let’s not jump to conclusions, he’s probably exhausted from work or eating dinner at home. It’s fine, we can talk later.

As he looked up, he saw that Fong was already parking. He laughed at the choice of restaurant, it was slightly classier than their usual options, but it was still somewhat casual. As they walked towards the restaurant, he saw Ohm and Fong exchange a glance, immediately looking away as Tine narrowed his eyes at them. He was the last to enter the restaurant, simply following behind the others, as he took in the traditional and classy decorations dimly lit with an overall deep red theme. As his eyes returned to the front, he quickly realised that they were being led to a table that already had people sitting at it. His eyes widened as he saw Boss, Man with his brother and Third. He was sitting opposite the very familiar figure; one he really hadn’t expected to see tonight.

As he walked up to the table, they were all greeting each other. He went straight to his brother walking into his embrace, a welcome distraction from the slightly confusing situation. He greeted everyone. He saw a lot of them look between Sarawat and him, as if in amazement that they had not even fought yet. Oh, this is the first time we’ve all been together like this in… years. Fuck, we didn’t even decide how to act in front of others. Well, this wasn’t going to be awkward at all, Tine ran his hand through his head as he tried to collect himself. These kind of dinners used to be a weekly event for the group, before Sarawat and Tine had stopped talking, the entire group had bonded together in different ways that Tine found himself hanging out with Boss and Man without Wat being there or Wat and Fong would go on morning runs together. Even Type and Wat would bond over teasing Tine together despite their rocky beginning. Sarawat and Tine’s fight meant that this group dynamic was rusty now. The others probably didn’t even know how to act with them.

As he sat down next to Man, he met his knowing glance, which caused him to look away quickly. Man definitely knew something about Sarawat and his change in relationship, which he supposed he couldn’t fault Sarawat for doing as he had already clued Fong into their whole situation. His awkwardness increased, hyperaware of the man that he had wanted to see, but now he was in front of him with too many people surrounding them. He was the last to sit, but instead of the seat he would’ve preferably chosen, the only seat that was free was next to Third. He had felt Wat’s eyes follow him for a while but couldn’t meet them, he couldn’t bring himself to. As he sat down, he tried to busy himself by taking off his jean jacket. He finally looked up just in time to see Sarawat move his eyes from looking at him to Third instead as if embarrassed to be caught staring. Well, that particularly strange, when did Sarawat ever look away from their staring competitions?

Third turned to Tine and smiled deeply until his dimple was visible, “I haven’t seen you in so long, Tine. Where have you been?!”

Tine giggled, before he could answer Wat cut in, “It’s been a week since you saw him, do you have separation anxiety or something?” Wat stated in a deadpan tone. 

“Hmm, Tine and I are good friends now. You kept him all to yourself during the ball, dancing with him that I couldn’t even speak one word to him!” Third winked at Tine, as if he knew what was going on between them. He realised that maybe the reason why Sarawat and Third had bonded with each other quickly was because they both thought that their love was unrequited. Still, Tine blushed at the words, he willed himself not to look at Wat, but his eyes just couldn’t help themselves, he saw Wat had looked away as if to look unaffected, but his reddened ears gave him away. Tine looked down to hide his smile away.

Wat looked down, and started speaking to the man directly opposite from him, in an attempt to change the topic, “As I was saying, they made us do that in London, but the next day in Milan it was completely different from what I expected…” Tine already knew this story, Sarawat had told him the night it had happened, the food themed photoshoot that had confused Wat so much that he had been so annoyed that night. Tine smiled as he remembered the adorable frown on Wat’s face during their facetime call, he was still smiling when he looked up to see Sarawat retelling the story. Their eyes met and Sarawat’s annoyed look as he recalled the situation, eased as he smiled back at Tine. Wat had been telling Third the story, but it was him and Tine that shared the private moment.

He could tell that it was still weird for everyone at the table that there was no drama happening but as they all settled down, conversations ensued and the focus on Sarawat and Tine dissipated. It still felt like Tine had just interrupted Wat and Third’s conversation, he didn’t want to feel like an intruder so instead he turned to Man, who was watching his brother fondly, as he ranted about his annoying boss at work. He sincerely hopes he doesn’t look like that when he’s looking at a certain somebody. Tine nudged him, “Are you done ogling my brother, haven’t you missed me at all. I’m the superior brother, after all!”

“I think I may be a bit biased, Tine but you’re not the superior brother at all. But maybe I did miss you a little, what have you been up to? I bet you miss the project already, and miss working with somebody else even more…” Man said, raising his eyebrows suggestively until Tine had to literally push him to stop. Fong started laughing as he overheard the commotion.

“Shut up, both of you. I’ll have you know I’m a very busy law student, I’m happier with the spare time.”

Fong rolled his eyes and whispered to Man something along the lines of I thought his pining phase was over but really, it’s Tine, what else do we expect. Man’s boisterous laughter obviously caught the attention of the whole table, obviously at the expense of Tine.

Had Man and Fong set up this dinner on purpose, to get them to interact more? Had Fong done this so that Tine could stop acting like a pining teenager? If that was the case, he would seriously kick his best friend’s ass for not warning him.

“Are we bullying Tine right now? I want in.” Phuak piped in from the end of the table. Tine cringed internally as he heard Third and Wat end their conversation in favour in listening in to whatever was happening.

Thankfully, from the stroke of some divine luck, their waiter approached the table and asked for orders. Type took the responsibility of being in charge of orders, as per usual which by now, was accepted by everyone. Tine pretended to peruse the menu in favour of avoiding any more awkwardness. Type snapped the menu close, signalling the end of their order.

“One portion of the Massaman curry please.” Heads turned to Sarawat in shock, nobody expected Sarawat to pitch in to order, it just wasn’t his thing.

Type turned to Sarawat and smirked, “That’s Tine’s favourite dish.”

“I know.”

A sudden silence dawned at the table at Sarawat’s words. The others looked at each other in confusion, probably thinking something along the lines of ‘how did they go from not acknowledging each other’s presence to eating dinner civilly and now Wat even ordering Tine’s favourite food?’

Tine himself blushed as the others turned to see his reaction. What was Wat playing at? Did he want the others to know or was that just a slip of the tongue? Tine looked down; he didn’t know what to do. He heard Sarawat resume his conversation with Third which signalled the table to continue their conversations.

The atmosphere was freer than before, everyone talking over each other as the food was brought out one by one, passing everything to each other. When the Massaman curry came, he looked to Sarawat in hopes of catching his eye to thank him privately, but he had noticed that the other hadn’t even looked in his direction since the shared moment before. Now he was preoccupied with talking to Ohm. If Man and Fong had planned this night to get Sarawat and Tine to be closer- well that was seeming increasingly unrealistic. He realised that he was awkward in the beginning, but it seemed like Sarawat didn’t even care. He looked content talking to others and ignoring Tine’s existence. Well, two could play at that game. Tine chipped into the conversations here and there, but mainly focused on enjoying his food. Regardless of his increasing annoyance towards a certain someone, he really had missed nights like these, with his favourite people on one table.

He turned to Third and saw that he was eating quietly, “I hope they’re not too overwhelming for you, I know how it can get.” He said softly.

Third looked surprised at the sudden statement but smiled assuredly, “Ah, trust me I know how they get it was overwhelming at first, but I got used to it!”

“Tell me about it, the first I drank with those three alone I thought I would get alcohol poisoning- they never know when to stop!” Tine giggled at the memory.

“They really are ridiculous. We’ll have to deal with it tonight, if they get anywhere close to the bar…” Third sighed exaggeratedly and Tine put his hand out for a shake which Third took with slight confusion on his face.

“We’re going to be the responsible ones tonight, but they’ll be the ones looking after us after the shoot on Friday.” He smirked as he saw Third’s eyes widen.

“I like the way your mind works, Tine. I love this friendship already.” Their laughter was cut off by Sarawat standing up and staring directly at Third.

“Third, do you want to grab a drink, we’ll get some for the table.” He walked away without waiting for a response. Third threw him an apologetic smile before he followed him.

What was Sarawat’s problem seriously? It was like they had taken one step forward by not being aggressive in front of others; they had made so much progress in the last week. Now, they hadn’t seen each other in so long and instead of being welcomed or even acknowledged, he was being given the cold shoulder. He seriously hated where his mind was going with thoughts of Sarawat and Third plaguing his mind. Of course, he knew that Third had someone and Sarawat supposedly loved him. But what if Sarawat only loved the memory of him? What if after spending so much time with him in the last week, Wat had realised that Tine was never worth pining after for all those years. The last few days had not just been Tine pining, there had been a fear beginning to spread in his heart that Sarawat didn’t actually love him and he had just been confused. Right now, Sarawat’s attitude just made this fear spread faster than ever.

He was so caught up in his head, that as soon as Third sat next to him he jumped slightly. He turned to quickly send Third a reassuring smile, instead he was met with Sarawat. Up close, he couldn’t help but just stare at the other man, there were bags under his eyes that were worse than when he had been at Tine’s, his eyes were puffy from lack of sleep and his hair was messily cascaded across his forehead. He was wearing a white shirt that looked like it hadn’t been ironed, he had probably been wearing that since the early morning. Fuck, he was beautiful. In that moment, all Tine wanted to do was be in the other’s embrace, pat his head and tell him he was doing  good job. But he was really pissed off, he just couldn’t pretend as if everything is okay, so he looked away towards the bar.

“I’ve missed you, Tine.” Tine wanted to scoff at the statement, but he wasn’t going to display childishness, so he just continued to ignore the other man’s existence. A taste of his own medicine.

“Look at me please.”

Tine sighed and looked at Sarawat as he licks the spoon of dessert that he had been enjoying. Seriously, he could moan at how good it was, but it probably wasn’t the best time now. He could hear Sarawat breath become more ragged as his eyes followed Tine’s mouth’s movement. Tine internally smirked.

As Wat struggled to put words together, Tine shrugged, resuming his air of ignorance at the other man’s attempts to talk. When Tine turned to talk to Man, he felt a hand rest on his thigh, he looked at the other with a completely innocent look as if he had no idea what he was doing.

“Tine, we’re going to the bar do you want to come along?” Fong said as they all stood up to move to the bar.

“We’ll join you all later.” Sarawat had answered for him, Fong left after sharing a knowing glance.

Tine turned to Sarawat and hissed, “Why did you answer for me? What do you want anyway, aren’t you busy acting like I don’t exist?”

Sarawat’s eyes widened in disbelief, “What do you mean? I was just-”

“Whatever. It’s fine, you can go back to hanging with Third. You’re not obligated to be with me.”

“Don’t shut me out Tine, please.” Sarawat moved his hand from his thigh to his arm, he wrapped his hand around his wrist and pulled his arm slightly until it was resting on Sarawat’s thighs. “I know this was all foolish, but I really didn't know how to act, I didn’t know what you wanted to show the others. I- I just told myself it was better to be discreet.”

“Did you think about how I would feel? I felt like a stranger in front of you, like you were closer to everyone else- closer to Third than you are to me. You know, it would make sense if you were, we haven’t been back together that long but god I hate being reminded that someone else knows you better. That someone else took my space.” Tine rambled; his heart was beating so fast as he allowed his thoughts to reach Wat.

“I’m so sorry that I let you feel like that. I know- I know it’s not an excuse but I really just wanted you to feel comfortable, I just thought if I acted casual, nobody would question us, and it would be okay. I didn’t think about how you would feel.” Sarawat lifted the hand that he had been squeezing, until it reached his lips. He held them to his mouth and kissed so gently, all he felt was a ghost of a touch and then it was gone. 

“Tine, baby, you could never be a stranger to me. Even after all of these years, nobody could take your place. There will always a Tine shaped hole in my heart that could only ever filled by you. Maybe the others in our lives do know us better than we know each other, but we have all of the time in the world. I plan on spending that time committing everything about you to memory, learning all of the things I missed and making new memories with you. I won’t let this chance slip from me again Tine.”

Tine wanted to believe the words so bad, but his mind couldn’t accept it. “I-I just kept thinking, this whole week that maybe you’re not actually in love with me. Maybe it was just the idea of me, memories of me from before that painted this version of me that you’re in love with, not… not me.”

Wat squeezed his hands. “Tine, the memories of you are still you. They are the things that made me fall for you back then, and they are still apart of who you are today. The memories of you helped me when I thought  It’s what my heart clung to, for so many years. My love for you has seeped into my very being that I can’t remember what it’s like to not love you.

Then, you came back into my life, and every day since I have loved you more and more; even when I told myself not to because I thought anything that could have happened between us was  impossible now—especially after I had left you in the dark.

Dammit, Tine. Every moment, new and old, can only lead to me loving you, more than I already do.”

Tine heard the slight crack in Sarawat’s voice and heard the complete desperation in the others' voice. All his words were so genuine, that he couldn’t help but smile but at the Wat, feeling an overwhelmingly warm feeling seep into his body.

“It’s not just your fault. I’ve been letting all of this build up when I promised to communicate. I could’ve broken the silence between us, but I was just… I was just scared.” Tine laughed humourlessly at their ridiculousness. “I guess this is all just a learning process. I get so caught up in my thoughts that I forget that you’re just as new to this as I am.”

Tine looked at him, hoping to reassure Wat of his understanding. “Sarawat, it’s okay to tell me when you’re tired, I want to be here for you, the way you are here me, too.” He pulled the hand that had been wrapped around his and kissed him.

When they pulled away, they were smiling foolishly at each other. Sarawat leaned forward until he could feel his breath on his neck. “So, what you’re saying is that you missed me, little bunny?” Tine blushed at the nickname and took his hand back.

“Shut up, you’re ridiculous.” Tine said, trying to bite back a smile.

“That’s not a no.”

He couldn’t resist smiling at that.

“Well, obviously, I did- miss you, that is.”

“Good.” Wat whispered, leaning closer towards Tine. Tine leaned in a bit, waiting. Right before Wat could close the gap between them, Boss interrupted.

“Ooh- look at these lovebirds.” He said, grinning. “Sorry for disturbing your private time, but we’re doing karaoke so get up and continue whatever that is another time!” Boss pulled the both of them up, Sarawat was definitely sending his friend a death glare but all Tine could do was giggle.

The night ended with several Scrubb songs being butchered, and clinginess from everyone. He had missed this; his heart was full as he watched Sarawat drunkenly sing into the microphone and the rest laughed and jumped along. He loved his family.

                                                     ____________________________________

It was the day of the final shoot. Tine had woken up with a smile on his face as he recalled his facetime with Sarawat yesterday. They were being so silly, laughing over their ridiculous antics during university and had compared the other night to their night outs during university. It had felt so good to keep falling back into their old routines but now, Sarawat flirted with him and he could flirt back, there were no awkward pauses where he could think of confessing as he did before because they had already done it.

The shoot today was to happen with every model who took part in the project. However, they had been split into couples, so he was going to work with Sarawat for the entire day. He sighed happily at the thought of spending the whole day with Sarawat. Seriously, it had been a busy couple of weeks for the both with Sarawat in Europe, several solo shoots for Wat and law schoolwork had been piling up for Tine. This photoshoot gave them the chance to spend time together and Tine always had fun working with him regardless. Tine was ready and went to prepare a quick breakfast, which was halted by a text buzz.

Don’t have your instant coffee crap, I’ll bring your breakfast to the shoot.

Tine laughed at Sarawat’s cuteness; he really had forgotten how much Sarawat had touched every aspect of his life before. He took the role of looking after Tine very seriously and really who was Tine to resist that? As he left his house, he was ready for a very interesting day, he had seen that the shoot involved heavy makeup and quite bold concepts that he was excited to delve into it.

It was hectic in the site of the shoot; it was styled as a rundown building to contrast the drastic outfits. Tine had arrived before Wat, Earn and Third were already there so they all sat together as they got their hair done. Earn had been complaining about their puppy keeping them awake but with such a fondness that she could be talking about her child which she supposed the puppy was for and Pear, for now. Third then began to rant about his new boyfriend’s sleeping habits—“Really after being best friends with him all throughout uni, you’d think I would know his sleeping patterns but no! He’s a clingy koala who snores into my ears!” They all erupted in laughter as Third shook his head fondly. 

Then Earn and Third had shared a smirk and turned to Tine. “So Tine, we heard there was drama after the ball, obviously all we saw was you two whispering into each other’s ears and clinging onto each other as if your life depended on it during the dance.” Earn had stated casually, with Third nodding along.

“W-we’re working things out, taking things a bit slow. But we spoke about it- cleared the air you know.” Tine looked down as he tried to will away the blush forming on his cheeks.

An iced coffee and bagel had been placed next to him, he looked up and saw Sarawat looking at him with that slightly upturned smile, “Are these two bullying you? Or are they acting like the gossiping aunties that they are deep down inside?” 

“We’re just asking about our friend’s love life, it’s none of your business, old man.”

He turned towards them and smirked, “It’s definitely only my business seeing as I am apart his love life after all.” Earn and Third turned to each other with wide grins as if they had gotten what they wanted. Sarawat paid them no mind and leaned down slightly, “Eat it quickly before it gets cold.” He watched Tine unwrap the bagel and take a mouthful, “You look very pretty.”

Tine nearly choked on his morsel at the sudden compliment, “They haven’t done anything apart from curl my hair, they didn’t even touch my face!”

Sarawat leaned further down and whispered, “They don’t need to.”

With that Sarawat walked away to get ready. Tine was sure his blush couldn’t be ignored but he couldn’t help but feel giddy at Sarawat’s blunt affection. He had always been like this but now with their feelings out in the open, Tine could fully enjoy bathing in this affection and attention that was especially for him.

Tine’s makeup look had been quickly done, with a focus on dewy natural makeup with arched brows, his curly hair fell onto his face messily. His first outfit had been a pink turtleneck that accentuated his broad chest, he felt pretty and masculine, it was a look that could be from the Victorian era. He waited for Wat to join him in front of the camera, as he walked out Tine couldn’t help but just stare at him. He had a puffy white shirt that fit the period concept, his makeup was matte with defined brows and his usual fluffy hair was gelled back, with only one single strand deliberately falling onto his right eye. He looked like a nobleman, so handsome and captivating that Tine just couldn’t look away. The director explained that they would follow the concept of Wat photographing Tine until they came to the point that they stood together.

As they began Tine felt slightly rigid, as Wat’s entire attention was focused on him through the camera. Tine was hyperaware of Sarawat’s eyes and then the camera that shot their intimate photoshoot. Sarawat whispered directions, poses to relax Tine. He caught Sarawat’s eyes focused on his chest and a confidence spiked in him that could only be set off by the look of want by the other. Tine switched on his slightly seductive look as he walked closer to Sarawat’s camera. Wat was slightly tense, but he began to put away the camera. Wat moved around him to stand behind him. He felt Wat’s arm rest on the wall directly above Tine’s head, his head tilted towards him. Tine couldn’t meet his gaze but instead stepped away from Sarawat to join his arm on the wall, clinging slightly to his elbow as if to use as support. As he moved closer, the other man got harder to resist. 

They had switched onto further concepts, some more casual and some without the other. As he got ready for the final concept, he felt this charge of electricity in the air that he could only escape in the dressing rooms. The others were here, he had greeted Pete and some others but during the shoot it felt like were the only people in the building. They felt so far removed from everything else, as if there was nobody but them and the camera. Except, it wasn’t the camera directing their movements, it was their own dance.

Between takes, they were getting ready separately and Tine had a lot of spare time. The bed on the set was calling out his name and really who was he to refuse. He laid there, scrolling on his phone waiting for someone to call him to resume the shoot. He laid on his front, making sure that he didn’t spoil his hair and make-up. The sun shone down through the window, hitting the bed and causing the haze in Tine’s head to spread to his entire body. As he scrolled through Instagram, he saw that Sarawat had just uploaded a story, which was extremely rare. He really only used it for work. He was a private person and regardless of his following, he didn’t change his habits. As he clicked on the story, he saw that it was himself laying down on the bed, only curly hair and phone giving any inclination that it was him. He snapped his head to look behind him and saw Sarawat drinking something whilst smirking, and really it was unfair how he looked like a sculpture. He walked around the bed and stood in front of the bed, blocking the light and causing the sun arrays to hug his silhouette. He couldn’t help but smile back, forgetting his indignation at the story. “Why are you uploading exclusive behinds of- well my behind?”

Sarawat scanned his eyes from Tine’s toes to his face intentionally and leaned down, “Just wanted people to know what I’m doing.” Tine narrowed his eyes at the innuendo which caused Wat to chuckle and bend down to be eye level with Tine. “Want to try this? I promise it’s as sickeningly sweet as you usually like it.”

Tine agreed and reached for the straw, but Wat pulled it away in time, Tine followed the movement with confusion and saw that Wat himself was scooping some and angling it towards Tine, he made baby noises until Tine actually opened his mouth which he did whilst trying not to laugh at the other boy’s ridiculousness. Sarawat patted his head gently as he watched him eat it.

Their small moment was shattered as someone cleared their throat in the hallway. “If you’re quite finished Sarawat it’s time for your costume change.” It somehow felt thrilling that they had just been caught together, even if he wanted to stay longer in their own world.

It was time for the final part of the shoot, it had been a long day and it was getting darker outside. They had saved the sensual outfits for the very last, to catch the right lighting and both Bright and Win were now relaxed enough for the more intimate poses.

As Tine walked in, his jean jacket was placed backwards, with his shoulders and back on display to show a temporary tattoo, whereas Sarawat had an open jean jacket showing his bare chest with only a necklace around the collar to keep it in place. Something in Sarawat’s eyes had changed when he saw the open back outfit, he walked closer to Tine slowly and stood next to him. A single finger ran down from his shoulder, tracing a pattern to just above the waistband of his jeans. He resisted the urge to shiver, as he felt Wat’s breath reach his ears, and neck. As the camera started rolling the finger and warmth disappeared but the cloud that Tine was on didn’t. As the shoot came to a close, Tine was made to rest on Sarawat’s barely covered chest, his head moved slightly as he felt Wat’s breath come faster, when they were told to face each other all Tine could think about was those lips on him and the strong  urge to pull Wat away from this room, to somewhere where they were alone.

Thankfully, the shoot ended soon enough. He could feel Sarawat’s gaze following him as he went to get changed. He didn’t know what came over him, but the haze of the shoot was clearing but his confidence was growing. Sarawat couldn’t hide his desire, Tine had that power over him, he could make Sarawat only watch him in an entire crowd full of people. As he walked ahead, he could feel Sarawat walk slowly behind him, he sped up as if he was being chased, and reached the dressing room, he threw a coy smile over his bare shoulder at him which caused the other boy’s brows to slightly furrow, and his mouth parted for an exhale and then Tine entered the dressing room before Wat could reach him.

In the dressing room, everyone was buzzing, and clapping. This was the final shoot of the project; it was all over now. They were planning to go out for drinks after so everyone changed into more comfy clothes. Tine felt slight sadness as he reflected on the project. If he hadn’t agreed to this, then Sarawat wouldn’t have walked back into his life, both of their egos could only be crushed when forced and that’s what this project had done. Years of misunderstandings and suppression of feelings had to come out under the time they were forced to be together. Tine smiled at the first interview they had together, so much confusion about feelings, but they had been so obvious. Wat had remembered everything about him, the little details. Their first project photoshoot had been so much unresolved tension that could be cut by one of their cold stares. The confusion of Third’s presence in Wat’s life had been something out of a deeper insecurity, the insecurity was still there but that could be worked through, together with Wat. They still had a long way to go but it was something he was anticipating, the next step of their journey.

The project had also given so much more to Tine, he became friends with Pete and Third, he had seen his own talent shine in areas he hadn’t expected. He would miss this, but he knew he would be doing more things like these in the future. His premature nostalgia was broken as he felt a slight poke on his arm, he looked down to see Third, rocking a smokey eye look, with an oversized tee, “Ready for a night-out? We said we would be reckless and let these useless men look after us!”

Tine giggled at the memory of the plan, “You’re right, I’m just getting drunk for the sake of revenge really.” The buzz in the room showed that people were ready for the bar. They all split into different cars, Tine had his own car, Third had called shotgun and was next to him as Sarawat begrudgingly sat at the back with Earn. Wat had his turned his head to the window, as if he were a spoiled child denied his favourite toy. He was pretty silent for the rest of the ride, whilst Earn and Third chatted about their new favourite movie that had just been released. At the traffic light, Tine met eyes with Wat who had been staring at him in the rear-view mirror, Tine’s worries of any signs of anger were washed away with the upturn of Wat’s mouth, a barely there smile just for him.

They reached the bar, and could see that the Friday night atmosphere had already emerged; Tine could feel the bass boom from outside. He turned around and saw Sarawat resting his back on his car, expecting Tine to speak. “I know you hate night-outs like these, and really I’m not that interested in staying long so let's just stay for a while and then we’ll go home.”

Sarawat reached for Tine’s wrist, he was still wearing a bracelet he was given in the photoshoot. He played with it gently, encircling his wrist, he looked up and murmured, “Home?”

“Hmm, I’m coming home with you tonight, Sarawat.” He said coyly, he saw Wat’s energy prep up as if he had just been energised by the words. He forgot how ridiculously easy to please this boy could be. He loved that about him.

“Fine, let’s go inside, we are the main event after all.” Tine giggled at the other man’s words and followed.

Inside, the smell of alcohol invaded his senses, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant but the purple flashing lights induced a light-headedness. He felt drunk without even drinking a drop of alcohol, he was fine with that as he saw the others enjoy their drinks. He danced and danced, with Third who really couldn’t get enough of the dancefloor, he knew he wasn’t that good at dancing but Third made it feel okay. There were moments when he would face towards the booths where he knew Wat was sitting, and he would purposefully stick his hips out further and sensually sing the lyrics, he was sure he looked ridiculous but if it caught the other man’s attention and made him stare longer then really, he didn’t mind making a fool of himself.

Screaming the lyrics and dancing had caused him to be tired soon enough so he went to rest near the bar. He felt somebody spread an arm around his neck and squeeze his shoulders in comfort. Pete smiled down at him with his signature gummy smile, “So this is it, huh? Now I’ll never hear from you after your popularity shoots up and you’ll forget the first model that you directed!”

Tine laughed at the other’s words, “You’re right, I’ll have forgotten all about you, old man!” Pete grabbed his heart as if in pain.

“You raise these boys and this is what you get from them…” He rested his body on the bar table and patted Tine on his back, “I’m proud of you, Tine. I know we only met during this, but I’ve seen you grow within a month. I can tell you’ll make real changes in this world.” Tine’s heart warmed at these words. Pete had really been so supportive, he felt like a reliable senior that Tine could easily become closer to. “I also noticed you and Sarawat. I don’t think anybody didn't notice, but I’m glad you’ve sorted out whatever it is. Issues can arise, even years into your relationship, trust me I know. It’s about how you learn to deal with it. It’s all about patience.”

 “Thank you, seriously. I’m glad we sorted it out too.” Tine smiled up at Pete, he was glad that this friendship had started. He supposed they could learn a lot from Pete and Kao but hearing about their bumps reassured him. Regardless of the problems, they could still be stronger together.

 “Speak of the devil, he’s walking towards us and he doesn’t look too happy.” Pete teased. He could just imagine Wat’s expression; he didn’t know if he had been drinking but there were times when Wat could be a little temperamental when other’s invaded Tine’s personal space. Never with friends, but Wat hadn’t fully accepted Pete so he really didn’t know how Wat would do.

Pete removed his arm from around Tine and greeted Sarawat, “The star of the hour is here! We were just speaking about you.” Tine scowled at Pete’s grin, he knew the other lived to tease and now he was playing with a slightly jealous Sarawat.

Sarawat stepped closer until he was next to Tine’s barstool, he put his arm around Tine’s shoulders, squeezing subtly and standing closer. “Oh, what were you speaking about? Good things only, I hope.” Sarawat had replied quietly, he was sure it was intentional so that only Tine could hear him properly.

“Of course, Tine was explaining some recent developments in his life and you happened to come up in the conversation, something about you being a good friend.” Pete’s grin widened; he was definitely holding in  a laugh directed at the both of them. He could see that Wat had moved closer at this statement. He didn’t know if it was just the music causing him to hear things, he was sure he had just heard Wat scoff and murmur ‘friend’ under his breath. Tine looked up in confusion, but Wat was already looking away, at the dance floor.

Pete took out his phone and suddenly his expression turned softer. “I’m going to leave you both to it, Kao has just arrived.” Really, Pete couldn’t laugh at them when he was so enamoured by Kao that one word from him could change his whole mood within a moment. He supposed they were all pretty obvious with their feelings. 

He turned to Wat who had just been staring at him to this point with an unreadable expression on his face, Tine gently touched his arm, “Let’s get out of here, Wat. I think we’re both too tired to stay any longer.”

Wat nodded and began to walk away signalling Tine to follow. They said a few goodbyes to others including a drunken Third who had a very sober boyfriend standing next to him. 

As they reached outside, Tine took a gulp of air. He still felt a drowsiness that had been with him all day. Sarawat reached into Tine’s pockets and grabbed the car keys before Tine could say anything, “Just get in and rest.” It was said with such a blank look on his face, that one could be fooled to think he was annoyed. After years of learning how to read that face, Wat’s eyes could never lie, the fondness was there for Tine, regardless of the supposed unimpressed expression. However, there was still something unexplainable in his eyes, that Tine could not decipher.

Tine sat back in his seat to simply watch Sarawat drive. Scrubb was playing softly in the background, he recognised ‘Keep It,’ one of his all-time favourites,

 Keep the good days and nights in your heart

Let us think about them

Let time prove to our hearts just once

That we still love each other, until that day arrives

As he watched Sarawat, he realised that the slight drowsiness he had felt all day had been misidentified. The feeling wasn’t related to tiredness, rather he felt safe. He felt safe next to Sarawat, his heart felt protected. Sarawat’s love was loud and quiet at the same time, it was seen in his small gestures for him, making sure that he was comfortable and looked after, it was loud in his stares, his obvious touches. It had taken years for him to realise, as he was insecure and regardless of how much he wanted to trust Wat. The other had been patient and continued to show him, without pushing or without complaining about Tine’s assumptions. At the end of the day, Sarawat’s love could not be denied.

As Sarawat parked the car, Tine had realised they had reached Wat’s condo. The last time he had been here, he had ran out of the house in tears because of his assumptions regarding Third. He wanted to laugh, but really, he was proud of the progress they had made. The day had been so long, filled with different emotions but now he was truly tired, and he just wanted to be in Sarawat’s arms.

As Sarawat walked to the front door to unlock it, Tine stood behind him, no words were exchanged. They hadn’t spoken since they had left the bar, but it was a comfortable silence that Tine could bask in but there was tension that Tine was simply too tired to acknowledge. Tine’s tiredness spoke in the way muscle memory took over, as soon as he entered Wat’s condo he walked towards his bedroom and sat on his bed, waiting for Sarawat to enter. The sight of a sleepy Tine caused a loud sigh to be released from Wat. He walked towards his dressing table, which really was not what Tine wanted. He came back into Tine’s peripheral vision, carrying cotton buds and micellar water. This had always been their traditions after night-outs, Tine would always tire himself out after dancing the night away, that he could never be bothered to wash his makeup off. Wat had never allowed him to sleep with makeup on his face, he would always wipe Tine’s face clean. 

“I take my responsibility very seriously, I can’t let Tine the supermodel, sleep with makeup on his face.” Sarawat said softly.

“Hmm, what was your excuse for when you did this during university then?”

“I couldn’t let the prettiest man in university sleep with makeup on his face.” Wat bent down on his knees in front of Tine, he was in his eye level now, as he gently wiped his makeup off. Tine’s eyes became heavier as Wat gently dabbed his eyes. He was finally finished, as he put the cotton bud aside. Wat looked as if he was ready to get up and really, Tine couldn’t let him leave just yet. So he flung his arms around Wat’s neck so that he was closer. He was sure it was uncomfortable for Wat, but he heard no complaints. Instead, Wat stared directly at him, his eyes became hooded as he traced Tine’s face from his forehead to his lips. Tine bit his lips subconsciously as he felt the heat behind the stare.

Finally, Wat leaned forward and their lips met. Tine’s eyes were open this time, not due to shock but to make sure this was real. It was gentler but stronger than their previous kiss. He closed his eyes and felt Wat’s lips move against his, asking for access which Tine would give him even if he had no breath left. His breath hitched as the other’s tongue pried his lips apart, he couldn’t focus on anything but the other’s movements. Wat’s lips felt so gentle but so domineering at the same time. He took over every sense, he could touch, feel and taste Sarawat. As their lips parted, they could only stare at each other, the tension from the shoot releasing through their intimacy. Tine dived back in to join their lips together, simply pressing them together in a sweet exchange.

After a few moments, Wat reached for Tine’s arms that were still loosely attached to his neck and instead held his hands between them, the unreadable expression was there again in Wat’s eyes.

“I’m sorry about tonight, the weird mood, I didn’t even stick with you for most of the night.”

“Sarawat, you weren’t weird, we’ve always been like this during night—outs. You like to sit and enjoy company, and I like to dance, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Sarawat simply stared at their hands, “Hmm and Pete. I-I don’t have anything against you both hanging out, but I don’t know- when I see you with him, I see an easiness between you that I want with you.”

Tine’s eyes softened in understanding. “It’s understandable- believe me I know. There are times when I see you with Third and I get jealous of your mutual understanding.” He squeezed their joined hands, “But Sarawat, what you and I have is different. We can’t have what is between Pete and I because I am always affected by you, Wat. The way you look, when you move closer to me, when you touch me even slightly. I act differently with you because you are just that. You’re different from everyone else to me.”

Wat looked down at their hands. “I know. Deep down inside, I know that. Sometimes, I forget, and ugly emotions get the best of me. I know you need to be reassured, Tine, but I’ve never been good at expressing what I feel with words. I try to show you in my actions, and I know that can’t always be enough. I never show it, I just hide behind a blank look or I give in to jealousy because it’s easier to deal with. Tonight, I realised it’s because there’s nothing tying you to me, you could leave right now, or you could be with anyone else and I wouldn’t have the right to even question it.” Tine tried to search for answers in his eyes and waited for Wat to continue but instead Wat looked away.

“I don’t know exactly what you mean, Wat. Although, I can say that there is something tying me to you…” Wat looked at Tine in question. “It’s our love Wat. Regardless, of what we’ve been through its always been us, together and even with our years apart, we still managed to just continue to be the same way around each other, because we have always fit together.” Sarawat furrowed his eyebrows at the statement as if in doubt, “We’re working on things, it’s not going to be perfect, but all that matters is that we’re together.”

“When he called me your friend- something burned inside me, Tine. I realised that really that’s all I’ve been to you, and I was okay with it before, as long as you were here next to me. But these past few weeks made me realize that I want us to be more, that I want everyone to know that we’re more.” He looked Tine in the eye. “You’re it, for me Tine. Even after all these years, I look for you in a room full of people. I worry about how you’re doing; the first thing in I think about in the morning is how I wish I could see your face, and just before I sleep I wish it was the last thing I could see before I close my eyes.

Sometimes, I feel like I love you too much and really maybe if I loved you less, then I would be able to put into words what I feel. Words aren’t enough to even begin to describe what you mean to me, so I told myself that instead, I’ll show you every day, but I can’t do it as you’re your friend anymore.”

“Sarawat…” Tine started. “You already show me how much you love me, and more. Before, it was my own self-doubt that would cloud my judgement but ever since the ball, this entire month, I’ve seen your love in the smallest of actions; in your eyes and you’re just- it’s just… it’s just so much. I don’t even know why you love me so much, but I believe you. I believe in you and your love, and I know I don’t say it, but I hope you know that I love you.”

Tine had always been so inside his head, that he hadn’t even realised that Wat could be just as insecure of this relationship as Tine was. He had already spent years, peeling away Wat’s barriers, learning that behind the blank stares and blunt words, he was an awkward man who just didn’t know what to say and a clumsy man who was louder with his words. Tine had accepted their mutual romantic feelings but had forgotten that they could be also sharing the same fears. This realisation was a learning curve for Tine, that the label of their friendship was hurting Sarawat, that it was causing him to question his own feelings.

My own quietness and silence could have caused Wat to be confused without me even realising, Tine thought. The colours of Sarawat had been so difficult to read, but deep down Tine knew that he would spend the rest of his life learning to understand because this was Sarawat, the first person he ever loved, the person he could see himself spending the rest of his life with.

As Sarawat looked up, Tine could see, finally, that the look of disbelief had left. Wat’s eyes were shining, not from tears but from understanding. A smile appeared upon his face, causing the wrinkles around his eyes that Tine was so fond of, to appear. Tine could feel his own smile appear, the two of them just smiling at each other.

Wat eventually looked down and rubbed his hands nervously on his own thighs.

“Tine?”

“Yes, Sarawat?”

“Be mine. Be my boyfriend.” Wat said strongly, his tone loud, contrasting with the quiet words they had shared before. They were said with such bravado, Tine couldn’t help but smile, knowing that Wat only ever sounded like that when he was extra nervous.

“Yes,” Tine breathed.  

“I’ll be yours.”

The sleepiness returned and all Tine wanted was to be in his boyfriend’s arms.  He moved forward to rest his head on Wat’s shoulders, the warmth of Sarawat’s body and love surrounding his whole being as Wat’s arms enclosed around him.

Tine knew this was just the beginning. Sure, they would come across bumps in their relationship; times where they might not see eye to eye, but he knows that they will learn how to come together to get over them, while still loving each other in every situation.

Despite everything, their love was enough. It wouldn’t be effortless, but their colours were always understood, best together.