Chapter Text
May
Outside the Big Donut
3:15 pm
“Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait, hang on.” Amethyst raised both hands, trying to wrap her brain around what she had just heard. “His name was what?”
Ranma grinned. “Pantyhose Taro. That was his birth name, poor guy.”
“And he would turn into what?”
“A flying, swimming minotaur.” Ranma confirmed.
“And that was because the cursed spring he fell into had what drown in it?” Amethyst’s grin was wobbling, threatening to burst into a fresh spate of laughter.
Ranma’s grin widened. She loved telling this part. “A yeti, riding a bull, carrying a crane and an eel.”
Amethyst collapsed back in her chair, her warm, scratchy laughter filling the air outside the Big Donut.
Connie gave an impressed whistle. “Wow. These curses get pretty specific, huh?”
Ranma shrugged. “Honestly, that was the most off-the-wall one. Most of the ones I encountered were stuff like ducks, pigs, c-c-c… felines. My Pops would turn into a panda.”
“How does a duck drown? For that matter, how does an eel drown??”
Ranma clasped her hands together, looking at Connie with wide eyes. “I don’t know, Connie. I. Don’t. Know.”
Steven swallowed the mouthful of Boston Crème-filled he had been chewing on. “So all those Springs, and there wasn’t a single Spring of Drowned Man?”
Ranma gave a bitter sigh. “Oh, there was. And Pops and I tried to use it. Over, and over, and over. And it would always have dried up, or the container would spill, or… ugh, fill-in-the-blank.” She grabbed her iced coffee and sucked the last of it through the straw, producing the expected rattling noise.
Amethyst hummed thoughtfully. “The animal ones would be interesting. I spent two years as a panda once. That was fun. Got all the bamboo I could eat.”
Ranma cocked an eyebrow. “What do you mean, spent two years as a panda?”
As Steven gave an amused, overdramatic sigh, Amethyst grinned and hopped to her feet. With a bright glow, her body shapeshifted into that of a purple panda bear, tall and furry. Pandathyst plopped down on her butt and gave a grin.
Connie made an endeared squeaky noise at the adorable sight, as Ranma’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. “That is SO COOL!” Ranma hopped from her seat, walking around Amethyst. “You can shapeshift whenever you want?!”
“Sure can, yo!” Amethyst lit up again, shifting into the wrestler Beach City knew as the Purple Puma. “All Gems can, I’m just really good at it.” She sat back down in her chair, now dwarfing it. Ranma permitted herself a quick touch of the Puma’s floofy chest hair, before withdrawing her hand again.
From several feet away, there was a delighted screech as a small green Gem (wearing- Ranma did a double take- Kamina shades?) came running at a full sprint, waving her arms wildly. “AMETHYST! CATCH ME CATCH ME!”
Grinning, Pumathyst leapt to her feet, catching the green Gem effortlessly and lifting her. The gem struck a dramatic pose, held high over the scene. “BEACH CITY! BEHOLD, THE PERFECT AND PRESTIGIOUS PERIDOT AND THE PURPLE PUMA! PRAISE ME!”
Ranma gave an only mildly confused round of applause, as Lapis eased up next to the table. She shook her head, an amused grin on her face. “Every day with you two.”
Ranma’s face lit up. “Hi, Lapis! Great to see ya again!”
Steven smiled widely as Lapis leaned on his chair. She extended a fist toward him. “Sup, nerd.” Steven bumped his fist against hers.
Turning to Ranma, Lapis held up a flat hand. “Don’t leave me hangin’.” Ranma high-fived her new friend, grinning enormously. She turned back to the overdramatic duo, who were doing more poses, entertaining Steven and Connie. “So this is Peridot? Gotta say, she looks exactly like I imagined her.”
Peridot grinned. “HA! No doubt Lapis has told you all about my exploits in the defeat of Homeworld, and my leadership of the Crystal Gems?”
Ranma crossed her arms, smirking. “She told me you were an adorable lil’ slice of key lime pie.”
Peridot somehow seemed to inflate even further. “Well, who am I to deny my own cuteness?”
Amethyst deflated back into her usual form, dropping Peridot into a bridal carry. “You tell ‘em, Peri.” She gave Peridot a quick smooch on the cheek, causing Peridot to blush a neon green and claw at her own enormous hair. “Amethyst, I have a reputation to maintain…”
Ranma chuckled, turning to Lapis. “How are your… what did you call them… Mumps coming along?”
Lapis cackled loudly. “D’you… do you mean “Morps?”
Ranma nodded eagerly, sitting back down. “Yeah, those! You were telling me about your statue last time, how’s that going?”
Lapis sat in the chair next to her. “Eh, the head broke off, so I’m repurposing it into an abstract sculpture.”
“How’d the head break off?”
“I got mad at it and stabbed it in the neck with my chisel. How’s the job hunt?”
Ranma sighed, bonking her head into the table. Lapis grimaced. “That bad, huh?”
Ranma turned her head, keeping it on the tabletop. “I mean, I’ve got a job, it’s just… soul sucking. You know.”
“What’s the job?”
“Washing dishes at the Crab Shack in Ocean Town.”
Lapis blanched. “Yikes.”
Steven, who had rejoined them at the table, gave a similar horrified look. “Yikes on Bikes!”
Ranma laughed haggardly. “Yeah… and hosing down the kitchen floor after everyone else has gone home, and unclogging the gross, smelly floor drains…”
Connie reached over, giving Ranma a pity-pat on the shoulder. “Do you at least get free food or something?”
“Connie, if I never have to see another lobster again, it’ll be too soon.”
“When’s your next shift?”
“Tomorrow mornin’, at 10. I gotta get up early enough to catch the 8:30 bus to Ocean Town, though.”
“Oof.
“Yyyyyerp. So I’m just gonna sit here with my head on this cold, comforting table until then.”
As Steven gave Ranma a sympathetic look, Amethyst leaned over. “Psspss.” Quirking an eyebrow, Steven leaned in close. As Connie watched, Amethyst whispered a question into Steven’s ear, Steven giving a smile and a thumbs-up to the suggestion. Amethyst leaned back over the table, planting her elbows on the tabletop.
“Hey, Ranma, if you ain’t too tired, would you want to maybe join us for somethin’ fun tonight?”
Ranma turned her head. “Like what?”
7:50 pm
The Beach City Underground Wrestling Arena
Ranma shifted from one buttock to the other in her folding chair, groaning uncomfortably. The murmur of the crowd filled the air around them, as the fans and regulars of the Beach City League of Underground Wrestling (also known as BLUW) milled around, waiting for the night’s festivities to begin.
On the wall, an enormous custom banner sported the visages of Amethyst and Steven in wrestling getup. The banner’s lettering screamed:
FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY! THE PURPLE PUMA AND TIGER MILLIONAIRE RETURN TO THE RING! ALL PROCEEDS DONATED TO OCEAN TOWN CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL!
“Why, oh why, did I agree to come to this?” Ranma moaned to herself.
On her left, Lapis plopped down in the seat next to her, munching on some popcorn from the concession stand. “Whush tha’?” she asked through a full mouth.
Ranma leaned back her chair back, pushing the front off the ground with one foot. “Wrestling just feels… I dunno, pointless? It’s just play-fighting with steroid-tanked morons who happen to know how to take or fake a hit.”
Lapis leaned over toward Ranma’s ear. She whispered “I actually kinda agree?”
Ranma was surprised. “What, really? Then why are you here?”
“Steven and Amethyst had fun doin’ it way back in the day, and I like that they like it. Plus…” Lapis trailed off, looking over at the aisle. As if on cue, Peridot came hustling down the aisle, purple face paint striped under her visor, clad in a PUMA AND MILLIONAIRE T-Shirt that was at least four sizes too big. She also had, Ranma was amused to see, a bouquet of flowers clutched in one hand.
Peridot hopped up and down in the aisle. “WOOHOO! YEAH! YEAH! GO PURPLE PUMA! AND ALSO GO TIGER MILLIONAIRE!” She waved her arms as she cheered, scattering flower petals.
Ranma smiled. “She’s like a puppy.”
Lapis chuckled. “Peri always goes all in on supporting Amethyst, in everything. Watching her flip out is worth the price of admission on its own.”
Ranma looked back over at Lapis, allowing her chair to clunk back down on the floor. “And Amethyst and Peridot are dating, right?”
“Sure are. Those little gay grapes have been joined at the hip for years now.” Lapis looked over her shoulder. “No offense, Rutiles!”
From across the aisle, in unison. “None taken!” “No offense taken!”
Swiping a handful of Lapis’s popcorn, Ranma asked “So, how did you and Peri meet?”
Lapis threw her head back. “HA! That’s a story. We’ve been friends for years, but we used to hate each other. We met during the Pre-Era-3 War a few years back. Actually, how much do you know about that?”
Ranma shrugged. “Bits and pieces?”
“Eh. Short version, Peridot used to be on Homeworld’s side during the Bad Old Days. She was actually on the mission that imprisoned me as an informant during one of the first Re-Invasions of Earth. That was…”
Lapis trailed off for a moment, staring at something on the old warehouse’s opposite wall. “I was in a bad place back then, mentally. Things went South, for both of us, Peri turned her act around and joined up with Steven, and later on, I did the same. I was pretty rotten to her for a long time after that, but…” Lapis sighed. “I dunno. Things are a lot better now than they used to be, but… I still feel bad about a lot of the stuff I did to her back then.”
Ranma was silent, unsure of what to make of Lapis’s story. “Have you… ever talked to her about it?”
Lapis made a face. “I mean. Kinda?”
“Ah. I’ve been there. Lots of stuff that needs to be said but hasn’t been yet?”
“Yep. Got it in one.”
Ranma hummed thoughtfully, before slowly extending a fist in Lapis’s direction. “Huzzah for the Bury-Your-Problems gang.”
Lapis snorted, meeting Ranma’s fist with her own. “Careful with that thing. After all the martial arts stuff you’ve told me, I’m pretty sure your hands could be classified as lethal weapons.”
“Actually, they are in five provinces. Plus Akane’s mallet was banned by the Geneva Convention, letting Ryoga within ten meters of an umbrella is considered a war crime…”
Lapis cackled, throwing a handful of popcorn at the redhead, who stuck her tongue out at the bluenette.
“None of that, now. The fighting is supposed to happen up there.” Came a new voice, this one smooth and low.
Ranma glanced down their row. Making their way to join them were two new Gems, whom Ranma recognized from the pictures Steven had showed her as Pearl and Garnet.
Lapis raised two fingers in greetings. “Hey, guys. Good to see ya.”
Ranma’s eyes were wide as she took in Steven’s guardians. It was a thoroughly different experience than seeing them in pictures.
Garnet, there was no way around it, was enormous. Tall and broad shouldered, with an impossibly cubic afro only lending her more height. She sported the Simon Shades to match Peridot’s Kamina Shades, and hips that would make Shampoo weep with impotent rage. She was as mighty as a glacier, with a voice as soft as thunder.
Pearl, however? Pearl walked with a smooth grace that would allow an unexperienced eye to write her off as a non-threat. But her jacket barely concealed a pair of muscular shoulders, lean but powerful, forsaking Garnet’s intimidatingly carved mass for speed and agility. Pearl was a coiled cobra, ready to strike at a moment’s notice.
Out of the corner of her eye, Lapis spotted Ranma’s wide eyes as she took the Gems in. Lapis grinned. She knew that look. Catching Ranma’s eye as Pearl and Garnet made their way down the row, she turned her back to them and pointed with a thumb, whispering a breathless “I know, right?!”
Ranma wiped the drool from the side of her mouth.
What is happening to me?
Lapis turned back to the two as they reached their seats. “Guys, this is Ranma. She’s new in town.”
And why does my stomach do backflips every time someone uses that pronoun?!
Garnet extended a hand, bowing respectfully. “Steven has told us about you. He’s very impressed by your fighting abilities.”
“Aw shucks, I just showed him a kata or two.”
Pearl slid past Garnet. She bowed very deeply. “O kai ide ki te kouei desu, Saotome-san.”
Ranma blinked. “Ah… I appreciate the effort, but your dialect is really, really old. Like, I barely understood half of that.”
Pearl blinked, straightening out. “Is it? I suppose the language must have evolved in the past 3000 years. It was either that or Ainu, so I took a gamble.”
“…You’re joking. Oh God, you’re not joking. Do you actually know Ainu?”
Pearl smirked proudly. “E.” She confirmed. Ranma clapped, impressed, as Pearl bowed, more dramatically this time. “Lyairaykere.”
Connie came trotting down the aisle. “I’m back!” she whispered, sliding into her saved seat.
Ranma grinned at her. “How’s yer boooooyyyyyyfriend?”
Connie stuck her tongue out at Ranma, blowing a brief raspberry. “Steven is fine, though for your information, he and I are not dating.”
“Fooled me.”
Connie blushed. “Yes, we’re close, but that’s because we’re Jam Buds.”
“Jam Buds?” Ranma asked.
“We’re best friends, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.” Connie flashed her purple-and-black bracelet at Ranma, the one that matched Steven’s. “Ace Solidarity!”
Ranma leaned back, crossing her legs. “Rock on! So with that in mind, are you dating anyone?”
“My only love is that of the sword. Right, Pearl?”
Pearl nodded with a triumphant look on her face, playing along. “I’ve taught you so well, Connie!”
Connie grinned. “Buuuuut in all seriousness, I’m not actually seeing anyone right now.” She pointed a finger at Ranma. “And don’t ask, because I’m not looking for an older woman.”
“I’m like three years older than you, dude.” Ranma leaned back in her chair. “And don’t worry, I think I’m done with romance as it is.”
“Everyone, please take your seats!” The voice of Mr. Smiley came over the speakers as Ranma glanced around. “When do Steven and Amethyst come out?”
Lapis grinned. “Trust me, you’ll know.”
Ranma grumbled, feeling her thin wallet through her pocket. “Glad my ticket fee is going to charity, at least. I don’t have that much to give.”
Pearl leaned over. “It’s galaxies better than the last charity the Wrestling League got involved with.”
Ranma leaned toward Pearl and Lapis, her interest piqued. “What was the last charity?”
Lapis rolled her eyes. “Ocean Town was building a mall a year or two ago, and Smiley got up in arms about it. Thought it was gonna steal business from Funland or something. So he signed up with Moms Against Malls, and they started collecting money and protesting against the Builder’s Associated Movement. That whole thing went down in flames, and the mall still got built.”
Connie grinned toothily. “He called it ‘Slam B.A.M., Thank You M.A.M.’”
Ranma’s breathless cackle was cut off by Smiley going over the intercom again.
“Ladies, Gentlemen, and Variations Thereupon, Welcome to a Very Special Night at the Beach City Ring! Thank you so much for your contributions for the Ocean Town Hospital Fund!”
There was a loud round of applause. Ranma caught sight of Smiley at the commentator’s booth, living up to his name by grinning ear-to-ear.
“And now, without further ado, the moment you’ve been waiting for! Back in the ring and out for blood, for one night only!”
There was the briefest pause before a scratchy audio file began playing over the speakers, the roars of large predator animals over a wild guitar solo. As the crowd went wild, a large curtain covering the hole in the back wall slid open, revealing-
Oh Sweet God
Amethyst, in full Purple Puma mode, striking a mighty flex. Beside her: Steven, in a tie and suspenders, a fake tiger snout stuck to his nose like a mask. Both of them, giving their best villainous grins.
“Please welcome! TIIIIIIIGERRRRRRR MILLLLLLLLLYONAIRE AND THE PURRRRRRRRRRRPLLLLLLLLE PEWWWWWWWWWMAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
The crowd began to cheer. Peridot jumped on top of her seat, making noises that sounded as if she were attempting to turn herself inside out.
Ranma leaned back in her chair again, settling in for a downright weird two hours. “Hoooo boy.”
10:04 pm
Outside the wrestling warehouse, Ranma took a deep breath of the cool night air. As the crowd milled past her, Peridot brandished her now-ruined flowers. “I’m gonna go give these to Amethyst backstage!” She exclaimed, before charging off toward the back of the building.
“Soooo, what’d you think?” Lapis asked from Ranma’s left.
“Phew.” Ranma answered after a moment. “That… sure was a thing.”
Lapis waved a hand. “It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend.”
“Okay, good. I hated everything I just witnessed.”
From Pearl: “Really? Steven told us you’re a practicing martial artist. I’d have thought wrestling would be right up your alley.”
Ranma shook her head. “Did you see the hot mess that happened in there? There wasn’t a single actual hit thrown! It’s all just theatrics and costumes! That Loch Ness Blogster guy was wiggling and moaning on the ground for ages while Amethyst spent five dang minutes getting a plastic chair to hit him with!”
Pearl shrugged. “To be fair, I’m pretty sure Frynaldo is just Like That, as Lars says.”
Ranma moaned. She hadn’t realized how fight-starved she’d been until tonight, seeing that mockery of combat. “I’d murder a k-k-k-kitten for a half decent excuse to really let lose.”
Garnet hummed, breaking her silence. “I may have a solution to that. Amethyst and I have another event we’ll be going to after this. You’re free to join us.”
Pearl turned pale, an impressive feat for her. “You want to take her to that?!”
Ranma scowled. “If it’s more fake wrestling, count me out.”
Pearl turned to look at Ranma. “No, it’s a…” she fretted, before cutting herself off and turning back to Garnet. “Are you sure she’d be okay there? She is human…”
Garnet slid her sunglasses down and to the side, revealing a third, purple eye in the middle of her forehead. “Ranma would absolutely be okay. She’d have fun, even.” She smiled, winking with the third eye.
With Pearl seemingly satisfied, Ranma pointed a finger, staring at Garnet’s forehead. “Eye… guess I’ll try anything once? As long as I’m done in time to get some sleep before work.”
Garnet slid her shades back on. “Trust me, that won’t be a problem.”
Before Ranma could ask what that meant, Steven and Amethyst came jogging up the aisle, back in normal clothes. Peridot was riding on Amethyst’s shoulders, Amethyst munching on the remains of her bouquet.
Steven was smiling ear-to-ear. “How was it?”
Connie threw her arms around her Jam Bud, giving him a tight hug. “You were incredible up there!”
Amethyst shot a big, eager smile at Garnet. “We ready to head out, G?”
10:48 pm
Little Homeworld
The Warp Pad in the Little Homeworld pavilion lit up as Garnet, Amethyst, and a very green-looking Ranma appeared in the center.
Ranma stepped off the pad, breathing heavily. “Oh… oh, I don’t like that… don’t like that one bit-“ There was a splatter as Ranma threw up her popcorn. “Shimatta…”
Amethyst grimaced. “You okay, kid?”
Ranma straightened up, pale faced, wiping her mouth. “Ugh. Note to self, Ranma does not like being teleported.”
Garnet pointed stiffly at a wide building on the other side of the pavilion. The windows were lit up. “Over here.”
Sauntering over, Amethyst pushed the double doors open with a loud Ka-Chunk. Taking in the sight before her, Ranma’s eyes opened wide.
The building, which appeared to be a combination of a gym and another fighting arena, was packed with bulky, cheering Gems. Quartzes, Ranma recognized from the Gems 101 brochure Steven had given her. They came in a rainbow of different colors, some of them with horns or claws. Among the Quartzes were a handful of other Gem types, mostly Agates and Rubies. Scattered among the crowd, Ranma could also see the occasional human, all in excellent physical condition.
The crowd had gathered around the arena, where a pair of Quartzes- one blue, one purple, were wailing on each other. Throwing actual punches, even. As Ranma watched, the blue one fell to the ground, tapping out on the mat. A Ruby in a human’s black-and-white referee shirt (Rubyferee?) blew a whistle, waving her arms. An unseen bell went Ding-Ding! The purple Jasper smiled, reaching down and helping the blue one to her feet.
Off to the side, a rail-thin orange Gem leaned into her microphone. “And that’s Blue Lace Jasper down, after a phenomenal fight. Point goes to Purple Jasper!”
Ranma whistled, impressed. Amethyst grinned. “Welcome to the Little Homeworld Fight Club.”
Ranma was amazed. “How did this happen?”
Amethyst shrugged. “When it comes down to it, a lot of Quartzes just enjoy fighting. They had the same complaints you did when it came to Beach City Wrestling, so they set this up. As long as it’s good fun, and not trying to settle blood feuds or something like that, we let it be.”
Ranma blinked, registering part of that sentence. “Has that happened?”
Amethyst scowled. “Sometimes, and I’m not naming names-“ (Garnet made a coughing noise that sounded suspiciously like the word “Jasper.”) “-we’ll get someone who doesn’t like how Gems act these days, and they try to make things super violent.”
“That’s where I come in.” A new, gruff voice interjected. Another Quartz, blonde with light blue skin, sauntered over with her hands on her hips and a grin on her face. “This here is my fight club, and that makes it my responsibility.” She extended a massive, clawed hand toward Ranma, who shook it. “Angel Aura Quartz. I’m in charge of these knuckleheads.”
“Ranma Saotome! Practitioner of the Saotome School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts!” Ranma smiled as the old phrase rolled off her tongue automatically. She blinked, then lamely followed up with “…Former Practitioner.”
If Angel Aura noticed the backtracking, she didn’t acknowledge it, instead tossing her horned head backward to indicate the ring. “You here to watch? We’ve got some good ones comin’ up!”
Ranma fixed a smile back on her face. “Actually, I was plannin’ on joining in!”
Angel Aura stared at Ranma as if she had grown two extra heads. “Kid… ya know that Gems are super strong, right?”
“Yes. And?”
Angel Aura sighed. “Okay, listen. You wanna know why we have our own league? It’s because we tried to join in on that so-called Wrestling thing in town. Humans are, shall I say… squishy.”
“Squishy.” Ranma repeated, flatly.
“If pressed, I might even say very squishy. So when it comes to bouts, we keeps to ourselves. Yeah, we have a few human regulars, but they’re what you guys call… bodybuilders, or whatever. You’re kinda…”
Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say it.
“Short?” Angel Aura finished.
She said it.
Ranma’s grin became a bit more fixed, as her teeth ground together, producing a shrill squeaking noise. Ranma drew herself up to her full height of a whopping Five-Foot-Two, glared Angel Aura in the eye, and said “Am. I. Flinching?”
Angel Aura glared right back, unblinking. Amethyst’s eyes flickered back and forth between the two of them. The tension could be cut with a knife.
Suddenly, Angel Aura broke the silence with a loud, booming laugh. “You’ve got guts, kid! What the heck, go ahead and sign up. Worst case scenario, Steven gave us a few vials of his spit.”
Ranma could almost feel her Fighting Spirit screech to a halt. “Vials of his what now?”
Amethyst clapped her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. C’mon, let’s get you signed up!”
Ranma paused. “Actually, is there a bathroom in this building?”
Amethyst pointed to a door near the entrance. “Yeah, actually. Bismuth added it since humans like to visit Little Homeworld, and a lot of Gems enjoy eating.”
“Cool, give me a sec. I want to wash the puke-taste out of my mouth. Go ahead and put my name down.”
Jogging over, Ranma pushed the door open. It opened silently, without a creak. The bathroom was surprisingly clean for a public toilet- the benefits of humans not using it that often.
Ranma leaned over the sink, turning the cold water on, and collecting it in her cupped hands. She poured it into her mouth, swishing it around.
As she swished the water around, she looked herself in the mirror.
Just barely over five feet. Clothes baggy on her, fitted to her ma… to her other form. Dark bags under her eyes from hard workdays followed by fitful sleep, interrupted by the occasional nightmare.
Short, huh.
Her eyes slowly moved down to the still running faucet. Slowly, her hand crept forward. The Hot handle turned forward, the cold handle turned backward.
It had been almost a month since her weird tantrum on the beach. Maybe that was enough time for whatever caused it to have passed.
Enough of this. I’m a guy, that’s all there is to it. I’ve been gone from Nerima for half a year now. If anyone searched for me, they’ve long quit by now, and they wouldn’t be looking for me on the literal other side of the world anyway. Enough with the games, Saotome.
Ranma reached for the water. Her hands trembling, the hot water pooled in her hands.
Do it now. Rip it off like a band-aid.
Before she could stop herself, she splashed the water across her face.
He felt himself shift, his center of gravity changing. His chest shrank, his height grew a full 6 inches. His body bulked outward, his clothes fitting now.
His hands were still over his face. Why were his hands still over his face?
Under his shirt, he felt his sports bra constrict at his chest. He wore it at all times, no matter the form. It was helpful on Girl Mode’s chest, and it was stretchy enough to fit both forms.
It also feels good to wear it
Better take it off. No sense in having it distract you during the fight. Right. Of course. Guys don’t wear bras anyway.
The sink was still running, hissing as the water flowed out. Under the bottoms of his hands, he could see the mirror beginning to fog.
Slowly, he lowered his hands, looking at his male form in the mirror for the first time in… who knew how long.
There he was.
There was he.
His mother’s voice echoed in his head for the first time in months: Look at my son. A true Man Among Men.
Another sudden wave of nausea overtook him. Leaving the water running, he staggered for the nearest toilet stall, slamming the door against the wall. He leaned over the bowl and violently retched. Nothing came up except something thin and watery. His throat was burning. Part of his brain dimly registered that it was stomach acid, that was what you threw up when there was nothing else to puke.
He leaned on the handle as he stood, the toilet flushing beneath him.
I can’t do this I can’t do this
He returned to the sink in one long, quick stride, turning the water back to cold, not even waiting for it to change before he started splashing his face again, over and over. The splashes went from hot, to warm, to cool, to cold, to deliciously frigid.
Ranma fell on her bottom on the bathroom floor. Her back against the wall, her legs curled up in front of her. Water dripped off of her hair, trickling down her face, making her nose itch. Her soaked Chinese shirt clung to her. The sink continued hissing above her.
She froze as someone knocked at the door. From outside, Amethyst’s familiar voice. “Ranma? You okay in there? You’ve been a while.”
“I-I-” Ranma’s voice cracked. She paused, and gathered herself. “I’m fine! Give me a minute!”
“You sure? Do you want me to come in?”
Oh God go away go away go away GO AWAY
“Yeah, I’m good! I’ll be out soon!”
“A’ight.” The faint sound of receding footsteps.
Ranma allowed herself to breath, a hitching, staggered gasp. Her throat was on fire, and now her eyes were burning too. Her face was wet from the sink, and that had to be the only reason why.
What’s happening to me? What’s happening to me? What’s WRONG with me?!!?
Amethyst heard the bathroom door slam open. She turned, her eyes widening to see Ranma. The braided martial artist stormed toward the ring, her eyes red and bloodshot, her shirt drenched with water. She stomped with a fury that suggested her mortal enemy was in the ring, and would not be leaving alive. Her wet shoes squelched under her with each step.
Amethyst raised two hands. “Woah, woah, easy! Are you okay-“
“I’m fine.” Ranma growled through clenched teeth. “I need to punch something.”
As Ranma passed, Amethyst shared a troubled look with Garnet. Ranma’s expression was one Amethyst had seen before: on her own face in the mirror, years ago. Back when she would vent her frustrations on the wrestlers on good days, and on Pearl on bad ones.
Reaching the ring, Ranma kicked off her shoes, grabbed the ropes, and hauled herself up. In the ring, she pulled off her wet shirt, revealing her sports bra, to a few whistles from the crowd. She tossed the shirt in a random direction, leaving her barefoot and shirtless, clad only in her monk pants and sports bra.
Across from her, the Purple Jasper from before sized her up, glancing her up and down without any hint of lewdness. This undersized human across from her was either crazy enough to think she could win, or too angry to care. Possibly both.
At the edge of the ring, Amethyst joined the crowd. “Garnet, should we stop this?”
Garnet paused, before, to Amethyst’s amazement, smiling and shaking her head. “Nah. She’s got this.”
The Rubyferee hustled out into the middle of the ring, between the two of them. “You all know the rules! Physical attacks with fists, legs, or horns only! No weapons, powers, energy blasts, or otherwise unique abilities! Victory is by ring out, tap-out, or knockout! I want a clean fight! Understood?”
Purple Jasper nodded. “Yep.”
Ranma nodded, still glaring. “Yeah.”
“Good!” The Rubyferee chopped her hand downward. “Nowleszgedditon!”
Ding-Ding!
The Purple Jasper raised a hand in a Hold-On movement. She extended it in yet another handshake. “Best of luck, Teeny.”
Without blinking, Ranma grabbed the proffered hand and threw herself backward onto the mat, pulling Purple Jasper with her. She planted both feet into the Gem’s midsection as she pivoted backward on her back, eliciting a wheeze as Purple Jasper had the wind knocked out of her. With a mighty “HIII-YAH!”, Ranma kicked both legs outward, launching Purple Jasper over her and out of the ring. Purple Jasper flew through the air and impacted into the wall with a mighty Crunch.
The fight had taken less than six seconds.
Ranma hopped to her feet, dusting herself off as she hummed nonchalantly. The entire hall was silent with shock. Someone had forgotten to ring the bell.
The Skinny Jasper at the commentator’s table was the first to recover. “Uh… the winner! The human challenger…” she peered at the signup sheet. “Ranma Sow-toam?”
Ranma barely even noticed her mispronounced name as she caught Amethyst’s eye, giving her a playful wink. Amethyst’s jaw was halfway to her chest.
Ranma planted a fist on her waist, and hollered “NEXT!”
2:30 am
Ranma was laughing joyously as she fell backwards onto the bleachers. Amethyst looked her over as she approached with a plastic vial full of a clear liquid. Ranma seemed to hardly notice the bruises covering her.
Amethyst cocked an eyebrow at her. “Youuuuuu okay, dude? Yer gettin’ kinda freaky with the laughter.”
Ranma wiped a happy tear from her eye. “Hee! Sorry, Amethyst, it’s just… I haven’t had a good fight like that in ages! Oh, I needed this, you have no idea.” She looked across the floor at the assorted Gems. “Hey! Really great night, guys! I had so much fun!”
The assorted Quartzes and other Gems gave a loud cheer at the first human to really prove a challenge to them. Passing the bench, a black-and-white striped Jasper extended her fist in the offer of a fistbump, which Ranma happily accepted. “Great match out there, Zeebs! You actually gave me a run for my money there!”
Zebra Jasper grinned, exposing a mouth full of fangs. “I still can’t believe it took the Rubies dogpiling you to bring you down! That’s definitely one for the books. We better see you back here soon, Ranma!”
Ranma gave a grin back. “Wouldn’t miss it!” She flashed a thumb-up, before immediately recoiling her arm. “Ow, ow, ow, ow…”
Amethyst gave her a light punch on the arm. “Easy, dude, you’re still banged up. I still gotta put this stuff on you.” Ranma looked down at the vial as Amethyst popped the cork off. “What did you guys say this stuff was?”
“Steven’s spit. He’s got healing spit.”
Ranma blinked. “Huh. Ew.”
“Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure it’s, like, physically impossible for him to get germs.”
Ranma raised a hand. “Thanks, but nah. I’ll heal.”
“You sure? You’re gonna hurt in the morning.”
“Yeah, but it’s so worth it.”
Amethyst shrugged, corking the vial. “Suit yourself.”
Ranma gave Amethyst a long look. “Do you ever fight here, Amethyst?”
Amethyst grinned. “Sure do! I’m the reigning second-place champion!” Amethyst hopped backward onto her feet, and immediately spun into a whirling ball that zoomed a lap around the arena, before sliding to a stop in front of Ranma.
“Oh my God, you’re so cool.” Ranma breathed. “Puh-lease tell me I’ll get to fight you next time, Amethyst.”
Amethyst smiled. “You’re on, dude.”
Ranma grinned right back, before something Amethyst said clicked. “Wait, second-place? Who’s the first-place champ?”
Amethyst pointed to the small set of bleachers on the opposite wall. On the top row, a Sapphire sat, dark blue enough to almost be black. Her hair pinned up to reveal her single eye, she gave Ranma a sardonic wave and a sharp, toothy grin.
“Her? I thought Sapphires were like, non-combat Gems or somethin’.”
Amethyst nodded. “Believe it. No one’s ever been able to land a hit on her. She tires them out, then cleans their clocks.”
“Wooooow.”
The Sapphire, not breaking eye contact, drew her thumb across her own throat, her sharklike smile ever-present.
As Amethyst shuddered, Garnet strode over from the crowd. “I had to see it myself, but I was right. You’re just the person I’m looking for, Ranma.”
Ranma raised an eyebrow. “Looking for for what?”
Garnet sat down next to her. “Little Homeschool has been looking for a good self-defense teacher for non-combat Gems. The Beach City Community Center has been looking for a similar teacher for their self-defense class, after the last one was fired. I think you’d be a perfect fit for it. You’re strong enough to hold your own with Gems, but human enough to not wreck a student. The position is yours if you accept it.” Garnet leaned back, smiling, already having a very good feeling what Ranma’s answer would be.
Ranma’s mouth was agape. Eventually, she pulled together enough self-control to talk again. “H… how much does it pay?”
Garnet told her.
Ranma felt something explode in the back of her head.
That much?! To do what I love doing anyway?!
Garnet continued. “You’ll also receive free room and board at the Gem Community Housing complex across the way as part of the deal. We have plenty of rooms, and the apartments go to anyone in need anyway.”
Ranma looked Garnet down, unblinking. “Garnet. Look at me. Tell me you are not joking, and I will call my boss and quit my job, right now.”
From Amethyst: “Dude, it’s like two in the morning.”
“Yes it is. Am I flinching?”
Gartnet looked Ranma in the eye. “Teaching self-defense, your way. Free room and board. Excellent pay. Interested.” She finished. It was a statement, not a question.
Without hesitating, Ranma dug in her pocket for her phone. She slid through the contacts, before selecting one and placing the phone to her ear.
After a long pause, a tired mumble could be heard on the other end of the phone line.
Ranma perked up. “Hello, Bryce?”
7:00 am
Beach City’s Beach
Ranma sighed, stretching herself out. She heard a few satisfying clicks.
After the fight club, she’d been too wired to go to sleep yet, and without having to worry about the Crab Shack anymore, she’d wound up wandering around town until dawn. She’d eventually wound up on the Beach, at what had become her usual spot for her morning kata.
Even so, she’d finally begun to feel the grasping fingers of sleep starting to catch up with her. With a tired smile, she drew a circle around her in the sand with the toe of her shoe, preparing for one last kata to unwind before heading back to the motel.
As she settled into position, a familiar voice spoke out. “Hey there, stranger.” Ranma opened her eyes, already smiling.
Lapis Lazuli was walking out of the ocean, the water already dripping off of her. She shook her hair, scattering droplets in a wide arc.
Ranma distinctly ignored what felt like her heart doing a backflip.
“Hey Lapis. I figured I’d see you here. Do you always finish your morning swim at this beach?”
Lapis smiled. “They’re walks, actually. I sink to the bottom and walk from the cliffs near Little Homeworld to here.”
“Wow. Underwater walks.”
“I’ll take you along sometime, if you like. I can make you an air bubble.”
“Neat!” Ranma paused. “Oh! Big news! I’m gonna be teaching self-defense courses at Little Homeschool starting next week!”
Lapis nodded. “I heard! Apparently you made a big splash at the Fight Club last night!”
“Aw, I had so much fun, Lapis! I’ve been missing being able to practice the art! You should have come with!”
Her expression souring, Lapis shook her head. “No thanks. I... don’t like how I get when I fight.”
Ranma shrugged. “Fair enough.”
Her face becoming sunny again, Lapis pointed to their usual hangout spot down the beach. “Want to get donuts?”
Ranma shook her head. “If it were any other day, I’d say yes. But I had a big night, and I’m about to pass out. Plus I’m gonna be packing my bags for my move to Little Homeworld tomorrow. I think I’m just gonna do my kata and go collapse.”
Lapis shrugged, her hands in her pockets. “Cool.” She paused. “Would… you mind if I watched?” She asked, a little bashfully.
A pause. Then, a smile from Ranma. “I’d like that.”
Lapis sat down on the sand, making herself comfortable as Ranma centered herself. A deep breath, in and out, and Ranma began.
Slowly, gracefully, Ranma moved through the motions. A punch. Another punch. A kick. A deep breath accompanying each. Each move, flowing gently and softly into the next.
Lapis watched, breathing softly, not daring to spoil the moment by speaking. Lit by the sun rising over the water, Ranma looked… amazing. Graceful.
Beautiful, even.