Chapter Text
“I need your help.” The casual words, spoken from the most terrifying man in the world, were not what Cloud had been expecting when he woke up this morning. Hell, none of the days’ events were things he had been expecting.
When he woke up, he had expected to be in his room at Seventh Heaven. Not a bad expectation, since that was where he had gone to sleep the night before. In fact, it was a rather normal expectation to have. That one would wake up in the same place that they bed down for the night.
Instead, he had woken up in military barracks. A place he hadn’t seen in over a decade , with no memory of how he got there, or indeed when he was. It hadn’t taken him long to adapt, to fumble his way through barely remembered morning routine with enough grace to be able to blame his actions on a bad night's sleep.
Somewhat luckily for him, before he could get lost in the panic of trying to figure out what he was expected to do with the rest of his day, a second class SOLDIER had found him. The man had been pleasant enough, but his words left Cloud with a deep sense of discomfort.
Apparently General Sephiroth had asked for him. By name .
So here he was, on the most confusing morning of his life, standing in Sephiroth’s office (since when did Sephiroth have an office ?!) with the man casually asking for his help while lazily flipping through paperwork. He wasn’t even looking at Cloud.
So maybe Cloud could be forgiven for his lack of filter in his reply. He’d had a hell of a day so far, and it was only seven in the morning. His brain was barely working, definitely not understanding the events transpiring, and he’d spent far too much time with a particularly eloquent pilot of late.
“What the fuck?” He stared at Sephiroth through his helmet, somewhat glad the other couldn’t see the completely bewildered look on his face. Eventually, his brain caught up with him and reminded him of where, of when he was, and he tacked on a hasty “Sir.” at the end, hoping to salvage something of the situation. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could get through this meeting without becoming intimately acquainted with Masamune. Again.
His answer caused Sephiroth to finally look up from the pages in his hands, and the man simply stared at him for a moment. Cloud tried to force down the instinctual fear and anger in an attempt to stay calm enough to figure out what the fuck was happening to him. He couldn’t, however, control the movement of his arm. He stopped it the moment he noticed his hand reaching for a sword he wasn’t wearing, but the movement was enough for Sephiroth.
He gave a small nod and returned his attention to whatever the fuck he was doing on his desk. “I need your help.” The General repeated, tone still far too casual for Cloud’s liking. “I need you to prevent the Nibelheim Incident that will happen approximately six months from now. To that end, I am officially taking you on as an apprentice. My role as your mentor will allow you more freedoms than that currently afforded to you in the infantry.” As he spoke, Sephiroth turned to the computer on his desk and began typing. “As of now, you are officially under my direct supervision and command.” He looked up at Cloud again, expression patient. “Do you have any questions?”
Yeah. Cloud had a question. One big one, and maybe a few smaller ones. But the big one was the one that left his mouth first. “What the fuck ?” He repeated his earlier sentiment, not bothering to add the honourific this time, because honesty, what the fuck was happening right now?
Sephiroth sighed softly, as if this was a mild inconvenience instead of a thoroughly confusing mess of inconsistencies in Cloud’s life.
“Take off your helmet.” He ordered, and Cloud found himself complying without really thinking, his brain being used somewhere else and floundering completely. His helmet held loosely in his right hand, Cloud looked up at Sephiroth who simply nodded. “Good.” The man said, almost to himself.
“What-”
“The fuck. I know.” Again, Sephiroth sighed, leaning back in his seat and continuing to regard Cloud. “You are aware of the incident I’m speaking of, yes?” He questioned, perhaps a little too late.
It took Cloud a moment to reply, his stiff nod an afterthought as he recovered from hearing Sephiroth swear. That was something else that was new. Gods, could today get any weirder ?
“And, I am assuming that you wish to prevent that, now that we have been given the opportunity?” Again, Cloud just nodded once in response to Sephiroth’s question. Of course he would want to stop that. That was the beginning of the end. The first in a series of events that cripled his world, almost ended it.
“But… why do you ?” He finally managed to say something other than the question still burning in the back of his mind.
“Whether you believe me or not,” Sephiroth began, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his desk, “Nibelheim was not my idea. Nor was it entirely my will.”
“Excuse me?” Apparently the day could get weirder. Cloud wasn’t entirely sure if he’d actually woken up. Maybe this was a dream. A weird, surreal, oddly realistic, dream. “ You set those fires.” He accused. Anger burned through him at the implications of this conversation. Was Sephiroth trying to blame someone else? To somehow absolve himself?
“Yes.” The man agreed with Cloud’s words, “It was my hand, my materia, that started those fires.” At least he was admitting that much. “That action was mine. But my mind was not.”
“What?” Cloud frowned, never once taking his eyes off his long time enemy.
“From the moment I stepped into that town, my mind was attacked.” Sephiroth spoke a little more slowly, as if not sure if Cloud could keep up. Which, fair, Cloud wasn’t exactly a shining example of intelligence in this meeting. Still, it was a little insulting. But he didn’t interrupt to speak his protests. Instead, he let Sephiroth continue.
“It took a few days, but eventually I was overcome. After reading what I did, I…” And finally, Sephiroth hesitated, averted his eyes, unsure of his words, or himself. Cloud didn’t really care. “I lost the will to fight. I allowed Jenova full access to my mind.”
“What?” Cloud knew more words than that. Really he did. But it was just the most appropriate word for this meeting, apparently.
Green met blue as Sephiroth looked up again. It took effort, but Cloud managed to keep eye contact without flinching for his sword again.
“You know what it is like,” Sephiroth’s words were quiet, but Cloud had no problems hearing him. “To be a puppet.” Sephiroth once again glanced away before returning his gaze to Cloud. “But it was not you who was the empty one.”
What? Cloud blinked at Sephiroth, granted a moment to think by the General. His mind was spinning, twisting with the implications that Sephiroth was suggesting, tumbling over emotions and unable to settle. Revulsion at the reminder. Horror at the memories the word ‘puppet’ always seemed to bring up. Nausea as he realized exactly what Sephiroth was saying.
He did know what it was like to be a puppet. To be controlled against his will, unable to stop himself from committing atrocities. He remembered handing over the key to the end of the world. The weight of his blade as he held it above his friend. He remembered the heavy steps he couldn’t take back. The absolute helplessness when he realized he was powerless to stop himself.
But what was Sephiroth saying, what was he implying…? That he had been in the same state? That he’d been controlled, powerless to stop himself as he tried to destroy the world? Was he honestly telling Cloud that what happened wasn’t his fault ?
“No.” Cloud wouldn’t accept that. He couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to believe the man. Obviously this was a ploy. A way to get Cloud to forgive him, maybe even to trust him. To get him to let his guard down. Sephiroth could use that to take him out, and then there would be nobody to stand in his way. Cloud wouldn’t let it happen again. Couldn’t .
“No?” Sephiroth frowned, a look of confusion briefly flicking across his face before he once again schooled his expression into impassive blankness.
“You don’t get-” Turbulent emotions finally settled on anger. He didn’t want to pity Sephiroth, to sympathise with him. So he settled for his default setting when it came to the man that had meant so many different things to him in his life. Anger. “You don’t get to just pretend that it wasn’t you! You don’t get to just stand back and go ‘oops, well it wasn’t me’! You tried to destroy the world ! To kill every living being, every innocent soul. Twice ! So no. Sephiroth, you don’t get to say you had no control.”
There was silence for a moment before Sephiroth gave a small nod, as if he had anticipated this reaction. “Very well.” He agreed, “I will take responsibility for my actions. So long as you do the same.”
“What?”
“Had it not been for you handing me Black Materia, I would have never had the ability to do what I did.” Sephiroth pointed out calmly, as if he was simply pointing out a well known fact. “So if I must take responsibility for almost destroying the world, then so too should you.”
“That’s not-” Cloud hadn’t had a choice in that matter. He hadn’t had any control over his body in those moments. Hell, he barely had control of his mind. Sephiroth knew that. He had been the one to control Cloud!
“Not the same?” Sephiroth finished Cloud’s sentence, his tone bordering on dangerous while barely changing at all. “It’s exactly the same.”
Cloud stared at Sephiroth. His brain had officially stopped . How was it, that he could endure Hojo’s experiments, watch not one, but two of his closest friends die in front of him. Live through the end of the world twice and come out of it on the other side relatively intact. How was it that he could live through that, but this was what made his brain break?
The way Sephiroth had put it, the way he’d described it and related it to Cloud’s own experiences had put a new twist on the things that Cloud had believed to be firm facts. The end of the world had been brought about by this man. The burning of his home town, the death of the only girl he’d ever fell for, was entirely the fault of this one man. Except… Except now it wasn’t ?
“What. The fuck?” As if on autopilot, Cloud finally moved from his stiff standing position. His helmet fell to the ground as he heavily dropped into the one seat available in front of Sephiroth’s desk. He gave himself a moment to let his brain catch up with the conversation. “Are you telling me that everything that happened… that was all Jenova ?” He questioned, his voice weak even to his own ears.
“Precisely.” Another moment passed before Sephiroth continued. “It is my hope that should we not have a plan before those events transpire, you will be able to stop me before we leave for Nibelheim.” He regarded Cloud for a moment, “You retained your enhancements, so you should be capable of such, yes?” He stated that like it was a fact, and Cloud frowned at him. What gave him that idea? Somehow, he was back to being a trooper. That meant that he was somewhere between fifteen and sixteen, right? Given that Nibelheim was six months away, that made him fifteen.
He hadn’t been enhanced at fifteen. It wasn’t until he was sixteen that he’d been left to Hojo.
Sephiroth seemed to notice his confusion, “Your eyes glow with mako.” He told Cloud. “You did not notice?”
“I’ve been awake for an hour , Sephiroth.” Cloud pointed out, slumping further in his seat. “An hour.” He repeated. “And in that hour, I’ve found myself suddenly a teenager again, in a place I barely remember, having a casual conversation about the end of the world with my arch nemesis. So forgive me if I’m a little slow on the uptake.”
“Ah.” With that utterance, a silence fell. When it became clear that Sephiroth wasn’t going to say anything further, Cloud looked up at him with a frown. It seemed that Sephiroth was simply waiting for Cloud to catch up. He’d taken Cloud’s words at face value.
“Okay. Okay. So let me get this straight.” Cloud began, rubbing a hand over his face, feeling utterly exhausted. “You’re telling me, that you were a puppet of Jenova the whole time, and you want me to make sure that it never happens again?” He didn’t wait for Sephiroth to speak, only gave him time to give a small nod, “And to do this, you’ve decided that I’m going to be your ‘apprentice’?” Another nod. “And you expect me to be able to kill you if we can’t figure something out before we have to leave?”
“You’re the only one that can.” The General pointed out with a careless flick of his wrist.
“Yeah. I’m not sure about that.” Cloud mumbled, running his hand through his hair. “I may have kept my enhancements,” and wasn’t that a whole kettle of fish? There were so many problems with that, that Cloud was tired just thinking about them. “But I’m fifteen . I have no idea what I’m capable of right now.”
“Then perhaps some training is in order?”
Cloud looked up at Sephiroth and hesitated. “I… Need some time to process all of this.” He told the general, deciding that honesty was probably the best course of action right now. “Right now, I’m going to figure out where the fuck the commisary is, and how the fuck I’m supposed to pay for stuff, and then I’m going to eat some breakfast before I try to figure out any of this shit.” He gave a dismissive wave as he stood and retrieved his helmet. Remembering what Sephiroth had said about his eyes, he shoved it firmly on his head, glad that it would hide his eyes.
“Wait.” Sephiroth leaned to the side and rifled through a draw in his desk, producing a mobile phone. He offered it to Cloud, “My number and email address are already programmed in should you need anything. We will begin our training tomorrow. I will ensure that today is recorded as leave so nobody will come looking for you.”
With a hesitant nod, Cloud took the device and pocketed it without even looking at it. He didn’t want to think about it. About any of this. He didn’t want to understand and sympathise with Sephiroth. He didn’t want to question what he thought was true. He didn’t want anything to do with any of this. And worst of all, this whole morning had left him with one gigantic question.
What the fuck?
-- -- -- -- --
After food, Cloud felt somewhat better, though his question was still not answered. He had, however, broken down some of his resolve and taken a look at the phone. He wasn’t sure if Sephiroth had anticipated that he wouldn’t remember much of this time period, or if it was standard for certain information to already be loaded on the phones. Whatever the case, he was thankful.
He spent the hour after breakfast sipping on a cup of black coffee and flicking through the files on his phone. There was a lot there - from the floor plan of the general areas of Shinra HQ (there was nothing on the upper levels, only the publicly accessible ones), personnel files, even his previous training schedule. There was an app that linked directly to the news outlet (that Shinra controlled), and a map of sector 8.
As he was making his way through the files, a new message popped up. Official orders to report to duty tomorrow morning at 0800. There was a location, and after a quick check of his map he realized it was quite close to his room. At least he wouldn’t have to get up too early.
That gave him the rest of the day to figure out what his limitations were. Technically, he should have been thinking on the current problem that Sephiroth posed, but honestly he didn’t have the mental energy for that. Not yet.
He had always thought better when he had something to do anyway. So he found his way to the gym, deciding to use the facilities to test his current fitness and strength levels. At least as far as he could without arousing suspicion.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
It was well into the evening before Cloud left the gym, seriously regretting the fact that he hadn’t gone there dressed appropriately at all. He had peeled off most of his uniform during his workout, but the rest of it stuck to him uncomfortably and was more than a little smelly. Thankfully, nobody seemed to be around, so the communal showers weren’t as intimidating as he remembered.
He had no issues with nudity, even in a public setting. What he did have issues with, was being that vulnerable around complete strangers. That, and he didn’t want to get recognised by somebody he couldn’t remember. Still, he took as little time as he could, and quickly made his way back to his bunk.
Technically, he was supposed to be sharing his bunk with another two men, but cross referencing the names on the door with his duty roster on his phone, he was able to determine that they were both on a mission and would be unlikely to return before the next evening. Perfect.
This meant that now, after having had his evening meal, worked out in the gym, showered and changed for bed, Cloud had absolutely nothing to help him procrastinate any further. He was going to have to think about the predicament he found himself in.
-- -- -- -- -- --
The next morning didn’t bring any answers with it, even after a night of fitfully tossing and turning rather than sleeping. Cloud had no idea where he stood with Sephiroth, how much he could trust him, if at all. If what the General was telling him was true, that he’d had no say in the events that had unfolded, then that made him as much of a victim as Cloud himself. Arguably more of a victim.
But did that excuse what he had done? The destruction that had been wrought by his hands? Cloud’s knee jerk response had been to say no - Aerith’s final moments flashing through his mind - but then… But then Sephiroth had a point. If Cloud blamed Sephrioth, he had to agree to his own culpability. He had been the one to hand over Black Materia. To give Sephiroth the tool to destroy the Planet. It had been him that had paved the way for what came next.
Cloud had only once been able to resist Sephiroth’s - Jenova’s - will. He had struggled dearly with it, and if it wasn’t for the horrified voices of his friends he probably wouldn’t have succeeded even then. If not for them, it would have been his hand that caused Aerith’s death.
But Sephiroth hadn’t had friends to stop him. Cloud could only imagine how it had been for him. Trapped behind a wall within his own mind, powerless to do anything to stop the actions of his body, taking the blame for all the awful things that came because of her control. Nobody to hold him back, nobody caring enough to try .
By the end of his night, his spiraling thoughts had led him to begin pitying Sephiroth. Not only for the lack of control, but also for the fact that it seemed like anybody who had ever cared for him had been gone. Either through death or abandonment.
Had Sephiroth ever had friends? Cloud could remember Zack calling himself one, but Zack was friends with everyone he ever met, so it was kind of hard to take those words at face value. Just because Zack had been genuine with his affection, didn’t mean that Sephiroth had returned it.
Cloud had to shake himself out of his thoughts as he arrived at his destination. It seemed that the coordinates in his orders had led him to Sephiroth’s office. A quick look at his phone told him that he was exactly on time, so he knocked on the door right away. No need to procrastinate any further. Best get whatever this was over with. At the very least, it would provide a reprieve from his tumultuous thoughts.
Sephiroth beckoned him in from inside and with a deep breath Cloud pushed the door open to start his day.
Inside his office, Sephiroth was sitting behind the desk - exactly where Cloud had left him the day before - studiously bent over some paperwork. His position was almost exactly the same as it had been the previous morning, and Cloud idly wondered if the man had even moved.
Green eyes flicked from the pages to regard Cloud for a second before returning to the work on his desk. “Take a seat.” He offered, and though he wasn’t sure if it was an order or not, Cloud found himself complying.
He was completely out of his depth. He had no idea what was happening, or what was expected of him. His instincts were screaming at him to fight, to kill Sephiroth, to do what he’d spent the better part of his adult life attempting. He had to push those instincts down to sit calmly on a chair. Not that attempting a fight right now would have done him any good. He didn’t even have a sword.
Silence fell for a few minutes until Sephiroth signed the page he was on and put it aside with a soft sigh and turned his attention to Cloud. “Thank you for coming.” He said formally.
“You ordered me here.” Cloud couldn’t help but point out. He had realized that unless he wanted more problems than he already had, he would have to play nice and follow the orders of his ‘superiors’ in order to blend in.
Sephiroth nodded and turned his attention back to his desk. He slid some papers across to Cloud. “I need you to fill out this.” He told him, “A formality with the mentorship program.”
“You’re serious about that?” Cloud couldn’t help but question even as he leaned forward to read the form. It seemed simple enough. There were a few things he couldn’t answer off the top of his head - things like the contact details for next of kin - but otherwise straight forward.
“Would you prefer to remain within the general army?”
“Not really.” He took the pen offered to him and began to scribble the answers in the spaces provided, his attention still mostly on Sephiroth. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” He admitted.
“Then this is your best option.”
“Not like I have a choice, even if I did disagree.”
“Oh?”
Cloud sighed, finishing what he could of the form and putting it back on Sephiroth’s desk. “It’s either follow your orders, or find a new job.” He pointed out, “I’m in a time that’s not mine. Nobody to lean on, and nowhere else to go. And if what you say is true, I’ve got a chance to undo the worst day of my life and protect the people I love. Like it or not, that means I need to stick close to you. To make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
Sephiroth gave another nod, but seemed hesitant. After a moment, he picked up the pages that Cloud had returned and made a show of looking through them. “While I am technically your superior officer,” He began, “I have known what it is like to be forced to bide by the will of others. I have bent you to my will in the past, and have no desire to do so again.” He lifted his gaze from the pages and purposefully maintained eye contact with Cloud. “So we will play soldier. While in the presence of others, you will be expected to follow my orders. But you are my equal and where possible I will treat you as such.” With his peace said, Sephiroth returned his attention to his paperwork.
“Can you?” Cloud questioned, his voice engaging before his brain and asking a question he didn’t really want the answer to. “Control me, I mean.” He added. “I still have the endurance and strength I had before.” His gym session had told him that much at least, “But in this time - this body - I’ve never been near Hojo. I have no idea how I got enhanced.”
There was the chance, the small possibility, that his enhancements were now a gift from the planet. Or maybe even a side effect of whatever brought them to this time. Cloud wanted to hold on to the hope that whatever had allowed him to keep the mako in his blood had managed to somehow erase the taint of Jenova.
Sephiroth paused for a moment, as if considering his words. “I won’t know for sure unless I try.” He told Cloud slowly, “But I can sense her cells within you.”
There went that hope. Cloud felt himself deflating in his seat. It was probably too much for him to ask for anyway - to be free of Jenova. But he had hoped.
Silence fell between them, and went on long enough for Cloud to get uncomfortable enough to talk. “So… what now?” He questioned.
“I will file the paperwork.” Sephiroth answered. “And then I will compile a training schedule. I will also have you exempted from what duties I can. You will likely still be required to conduct standard patrols around the upper plate, but you should not be assigned to general missions, unless you are accompanying me.”
That seemed straightforward enough. Convenient too - it meant that Cloud didn’t have to try to remember things that should have been well known to him. It was one less thing to stumble through and if he was clever about it, the rest should be easy to pick up on. Avoiding his room mates should be simple enough too.
“And for today?” He questioned, having no idea what he was supposed to do next.
“We will train this afternoon in the simulation room on the forty ninth floor. I will let you know what time it is free. Until then I suggest you refamiliarise yourself with general protocol.” He gave a small wave that was obviously a dismissal. Cloud tried not to be irritated by that, and let himself out without another word.
This was going to be a lot to get used to.