Archive of Our Own ^beta

1 years later

“You sure you wanna do this Lix?” A nervous Jisung asks, “You really don’t have to, I mean it’s not like it’s YOUR wedding. But like if you want to go I get that, but I’m just saying you don’t HAVE to, like we could just go to a coffee shop or go to the Han river. I mean it’s completely up to you, we cou-”

“Jisung calm down. It’s ok I want to go, plus if at any time I feel like I can’t handle it, I’ll tell you and we can leave. Ok? I want to do this.”

“Ok. I trust you.” Felix let out a shaky breath, was he really ready for this? To see his 5 year crush, get married right in front of his eyes. He had to be, he has no choice, the wedding would be covered by media and if he doesn’t show up he just knows there will be articles about it.

“Stray Kid’s member Felix doesn’t show up to his bandmates wedding!”

“Why is Stray Kids’ Felix missing from his member’s wedding?”

Plus, he would hate to do that, miss his best friend’s wedding because of some stupid crush? That’s so childish. Getting married is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, he would feel so guilty for missing it. He looked down at the invitation, quickly marked ‘yes’ under the rsvp section and closed the envelope back up. Jisung patted him on the back and said a quick “I think you made the right choice” before walking out of their room, leaving Felix alone with his thoughts.

Chan was sat as his desk, looking through the invitations and checking off guests who rsvp-ied. Just going through one after another from a huge pile on the desk. He was getting tired, wanting to just be done already, his mind was out of it just trying to finish faster. That is until one name on a certain letter caught his eye.

“Lee Felix”.

Chan was scared to ask him to come, thinking about their past, he thought it would be wrong for him to come. He was about to throw out the letter, until he thought of the media and how they would wonder where Felix is. He thought it was worth a shot. But what he didn’t expect to see when he opened that envelope is a small check right beside ‘yes’. He was shocked to say the least, he thought Felix would just mark the no, and not have to witness the one he loves, get married. Chan thought about him being there, the look on his face when they say their vows, the way he would try to resist when the priest asks if there is rejection, and finally the look he would give Chan. That same sullen look, full or sorrow and regret, the same one he held when he told Chan goodbye.

Chan was so lost in thought he didn’t even realize the presence of Olivia until he heard a, “Earth to Chan! Are you ok sweetheart?”

“Oh hi. Yeah I’m fine! Just lost in thought.” He quickly slid Felix’s invitation under the pile before she could see it. She set the glass of water she was holding down on the desk, for Chan.

“Doing the rsvp list?”

“Yeah, it seems almost everyone is coming, except for a few of my friends that are going to be out of the country.” He didn’t want to mention Felix, not with her knowing part of their past. He thought it would be too weird, she would just have to find out the day of the wedding.

“That’s great! I’m so excited for the big day, I can’t wait to be your wife,” she made her way behind Chan and gave his shoulders a rub before sliding down and places a small kiss to his cheek. “I love so much, you know that right?”

“I love you too Olivia. It’s going to be a great day.” He lied. He felt bad knowing that their relationship was fake, but it was all for their companies, right?

“It is,” she gave another small kiss to his cheek before getting up, “I’ll start dinner, I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

“Ok honey, I’ll just continue with these rsvp’s.” Chan gave her a smile before she closed the door and left. He couldn’t stop thinking about Felix, how it would be like if they were still together in the dorm, if they confessed, if they started dating, if he was the one Chan was marrying. He couldn’t hold back the slight smile on his face thinking about it, him and Felix finally being together. God Chan what the hell are you thinking?! Snap out of it and get back to the work, plus you have Olivia now.

He started back up on his work, but not before taking Felix’s letter and hiding it in his desk, not wanting Olivia to find it.

~flashback~

It’s been a few weeks since that Chuseok “incident”. Felix and I are awkward with each other and it’s starting to show. Our fans can tell, the rest of the group can tell and our managers are starting to pick up on it as well. I wanted to sort things out, go back to the way we were before, but every time I try to talk to him he runs away. I came to the conclusion he just wasn’t ready yet, and he wants to sort out his thoughts. But it keeps getting worse and he refuses to talk to me. Not even a hello or good morning. It been weighing on me for months now, feeling so guilty about making him feel that way.

So that’s how we ended up in this position. I told the members I need to talk to Felix, and they kindly left the dorm to ourselves. Felix doesn’t know they’ve left and hasn’t come out of his room since breakfast. I’ve been too nervous to even knock on his door. I just want to tell him everything, how much I’m sorry, how much I love him and how much I want us to just go back to the way we were. Maybe I should write him a letter? No that’s stupid Chan. He needs to hear it from you in person. Or I could record myself? Again, that’s stupid. Why can’t I just face him? Why is it so hard? Maybe I could practice what to say to him? That’s definitely a better start then writing a goddamn letter. Ok so how should I start… how are you?

Well he’s obviously not ok, we practically got each other off. Even I’m not ok yet, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve even got off a few times on it. It makes me feel sick, how could I do that to him? I’m a terrible person and I need to apologize to him, if he would just talk to me for God’s sake! I hear a scared whimper noise behind me, it’s Felix.

He’s standing there in his sweatpants and my shirt that I gave him a while ago. My heart swelled seeing that he still wears it, like he’s mine and he’s letting the world know. Then I heard that same whimper and a soft sob come out of the small boy.

“Channie-hyung,” he said so quietly I could barely hear him, “I had a bad dream.” I immediately rushed over to him, taking him in my arms and giving a small kiss to his head.

“It’s ok Felix. It was just a dream.”

“But it felt so real. You ran away a-and didn’t want to talk to me, you l-left me hyung.” More sobs came out, he curled into my neck, making himself small.

“Hey, hey look at me Lixie, I’m never gonna leave you ok? You mean too much to me, I’m not gonna leave you behind. Ok?” I hear a muffled ok from him, and decide to let go.

I stare at his face, his beautiful face with tear stains and tired eyes. I cupped his face with my hands, bringing his head up to look at me. We stared at each other for what felt like hours, the unspoken words between us melted into a comfortable silence. I looked at his features, his eyes filled with emotion, his delicate freckles dusting his cheeks, his cute button nose, and his soft pink lips. Oh, how I want to kiss him and tell him the words I can’t say aloud.

I think he caught me staring because the next thing he did, was reach out his hands to wrap around my neck and lightly press our lips together. Pure love sparked between us, unspoken words finally spoken, and the trust that we regained. I pulled away for a breathe and I couldn’t stop thinking of one thing. The only thing I wanted to say to him since I met him.

“I love you Lee Felix.

Be my boyfriend?”

~

It’s been months since I last saw Felix. Now that our promotions have ended, and I’m getting ready to marry Olivia I haven’t seen him as much. I keep thinking of him, of the past, of our time together. I keep thinking about how much I still love him, even after everything we’ve been through, I don’t think I could ever not love him. From the day I met him, I knew he was my soulmate. He was someone who I would cherish and care for, for the rest of my life.

My first and only true love.

~

“Jisung I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“You’re ok, I know you’re ok. Remember we can leave whenever we want. Just tell me and we can go. Let’s take some deep breathes.”

“Yeah ok,” Jisung helped me with another big breathe, “I got this.”

Jisung left back to his room leaving me to get situated back in my room.

It was today, the day Chan gets married, the day I lose him, the day I really have to say goodbye. I never wanted this to happen, we were supposed to love each other, supposed to be happy and spend the rest of our lives together. Now he’s getting married to someone he doesn’t even like all because of our stupid companies and stupid contracts. It’s all so unfair. If we were back in Australia this wouldn’t matter. We could be together and unjudged, get married legally and for the right reasons. We would just be able to love each other, with no stupid companies in the way.

But that wasn’t reality, I have to suffer and push past this. Today I need to let him go, and let him make his own choices that don’t invlove me anymore.

Today I need to say goodbye.

~

The members had just arrived, the church had mostly family members and a few friends. They decided to go back to Chan’s dressing room, wanting to surprise him and wish him a good marriage. They had met him just as he finished getting dressed, a bowtie still in his hands.

“There’s the groom!”

“How’re you feeling?”

“You ready for the big day?” A chorus of questions filled the room from the members, Chan answering every one with a smile on his face. Then he met Felix’s eyes, he was at the back of the room, far away from the rest of them. He looked sad, something in Chan told him to console him, hug him, love him. He ignored the rest of the questions and walked over to Felix, not breaking eye contact, and immediately enveloped him in a big hug. He heard a small gasp from Felix and his body tense up but after a few seconds he melted into the hug.

“It’s ok Lix, I’m here.” Chan barely a whispered it, he didn’t want anyone else to hear.

The members made their way out, giving them some privacy. Their hug felt like an eternity, but neither was complaining. Felix didn’t know when he started crying, but he couldn’t stop. Chan continued to hug him, he kissed his temple and whispered small praises to calm the younger boy down. It seemed to work as Felix’s sobs became lighter and began to relax in Chan’s embrace. They still didn’t let go, knowing that when they did, it was the end.

“When the objections come in the vows, I want you to do it,” Chan whispered. “Stand up and take me away, I love you Lix, it’s not too late. Let’s runaway and never look back.” He leaned back and looked at Felix’s face.

“Say something. Please.”

Felix ran, he ran and ran till he reached a garden in the back of the building. Tear filled eyes looked up at the dark clouds, his mind went blank. Deep breathes. Rain started to pour. He sighed, the rain starting to drench him. Think Felix. Think about it. Say something. He found an old wooden bench under a tree, he sat and stared. Rain coming down around him mixed with his tears. Come with me, let’s run away. He’s goddamn crazy! What would happen to the team, to the company, to everyone around us? He felt a soft warmth rush over his body, the reminisce of Chan surrounded him. Felix felt more tears stream down his face. I love you so much Chan, if only we could go back to the night we met.

~flashback~

My plane just landed in Korea, I’m finally here after years of waiting, I’m here. Saying I’m nervous right now is a huge understatement, I’m absolutely terrified. I was studying on the plane just a few minutes ago and I feel like I’ve already forgotten everything, I’m really screwed.

“Taxi!!” I managed to get in and make it to JYP safely without making a complete fool of myself, at least that’s what I thought.

I made my way into the building, about to ask where the trainees go, when a huge figure bumped into me, causing me to drop my bag and the papers the man was holding to get muddled up in my stuff.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!”

“No! Don’t worry about it! I bumped into you, it’s my fault.” I looked up to see probably one of the most handsome men I have ever seen in my life. He had dark ashy blond hair, fair skin, and one of the prettiest smile’s I have ever seen.

“Um, I-I’m Felix! I’m a n-new trainee here.” Curse my stuttering, why can’t I be fluent!

“I’m Bang Chan! Nice to meet you,” he looked at me for a second before continuing, “you’re a foreigner right? I can tell from your accent.” He said in English, and holy shit he’s also an aussie.

“Yeah I am! You’re also Australian?!”

“Oh wow, I was not expecting to meet another aussie here! You said you’re a new trainee right? I’ve been here for awhile, so want me to show you the ropes?”

“Oh my God, that would be amazing! Thank you so much!”

~

Runaway with me Felix. Finally, we can be free, together, just us against the world.

Remembering that day, I can see why I fell in love with him. I need you Chan, I love you.

And so I say

“Ok. Let’s do it.”

~

The priest has just finished the ring ceremony, and the objections have already happened. He isn’t going to show up. I scared him off, and now I have to live the consequences. I’m sorry Felix, I wish I could’ve given you more time, but now it seems like it’s truly too late. We have to go along with the vows, and then we will be married. It looks like our happy ending is already ov-

The church doors swung open, and there standing, is a soaking wet Felix. His eyes looked red and puffy, like he had been crying for a long time. But the minute our eyes met, all the pain and sadness went away. His eyes started to glow again, have that same sparkle in them that I missed so much.

Olivia looked over, a look of confusion and realization all at once passed by.  

I was staring at Felix, and I could tell, we knew. This was it, finally, it is out turn. Our turn to love, our turn to be carefree, our turn to be ourselves, it was all ours and I couldn’t have e\been more ready for it. Before I left to Felix, I still remembered I was standing up on an alter about to be married. I turned to Olivia,

“I’m sorry but I can’t marry you, even if it’s what’s best for our families and companies, I’m already in love.”

“You don’t need to say anything else Chan, I knew from the start that I wouldn’t be the one to end up with you,” she lightly cupped his face, “Go to him, you deserve each other.”

“Thank you.” I said quietly. I turned away from her only to be met with faces of confusion and betrayal. Then my eyes met with Felix’s again, he seemed unsure, but it was like a light switched when we saw each other. This is love. This is us. I made my way down the aisle, ignoring the murmurs and protests from our parents and CEOs.

I could hear a faint, “Chan don’t you dare do this,” from my mother.

I didn’t care though, what mattered right now was Felix. I made my way to him, taking in his beautiful appearance, even if the worst were to happen right now I don’t think I could be sad. The human in front of me was all I needed, and I’m finally able to have him.

Without saying a word, I crashed my lips against his. This is all I’ve wanted for years. He kissed back with the same passion and love I was giving. Our worlds changed that day, they would never be the same. I pulled away slightly, just far enough for me to talk but for no one else to hear.

“You’re late.” I teased.

“Oh, just shut up and kiss me.”

The End

(for real this time)