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Chapter Text

Yasha had always loved thunder storms. The connection to her god, the sound, the smell, it was all around pleasant. Travelling with the Nein meant the general landscape and environment was changing, and the chance of rain was greatly increased or decreased based off where in Wildemount they were.

In Xhorhas, it did rain. She had wondered if it would due to the magical implement keeping the sky dark, but she had been pleasantly surprised by the sound of distant thunder a half hour ago.

Yasha sat near the window in her room, looking out upon the street and watching lightning seeping into the sky with as much theatrics as the Storm Lord could muster. However silly it was, she couldn't help but smile. The Xhorhouse was empty, and she was left with her thoughts.

That was, until she heard a faint crash from downstairs. For a moment, she wondered if she had imagined it, but that crash was followed by a subsequent thud.

She stood up as quietly as she could, and opened the door to her room. She wondered whether to wake the rest of the party, but the bell hadn't rang and Caleb would have been alerted.

Yasha made her way downstairs, preparing to draw her sword. Landing the living room she could see that that the couch was overturned. While she looked at it, she realized she could hear quiet whimpering coming from behind the overturned couch. She made her way over, finally seeing the source of the whimpering.

Pressed into a corner, Nott had wrapped herself in a blanket and was curled into a ball, her ears on end and her entire body shaking, her small body wracked with fear. When a particularly loud crack of thunder echoed through the room, Nott jumped, letting out a squeak before curling in on herself more.

"Nott?" Yasha alerted the small goblin girl, her voice soft as to not frighten her. This attempt apparently was in vein, as Nott still jumped at the sound and tried to back up more, before looking Yasha in the eye and calming down. "Are you... okay?"

"Y-yeah I'm-" Nott was cut off by another crack of thunder, as she flinched, her quivering increasing in intensity. "I'm a grown w-woman. I sh-shouldn't be afraid of t-this shit."

Yasha sat on this for a moment. Nott was clearly embarrassed, but she looked more afraid. Yasha wasn't good with people, but she could at least try for her friend, who frankly had an unsavory relationship with anything water or rain.

"Do you want to go to Caleb's room?" She asked, her first thought to pawn this problem off onto Caleb. This didn't appear to be a very good suggestion as Nott just flushed and pressed her face into her hands, her shoulders to her ears.

"N-n-no, I don't w-want to-" She was cut off once more by a sound so loud Yasha could have sworn Caleb had just set off a fire bolt. She actually flinched at this one, as did Nott who flung herself into Yasha's arms and hid, pressing her face into the larger girls armpit.

Yasha stared down for a second, Nott shaking and holding onto Yasha for dear life. Yasha had never thought of herself as comforting, but Nott was holding onto her like a security blanket. Yasha blushed a little bit as she awkwardly patted Nott's back, unsure of how to proceed.

Nott clung on for a bit longer before Yasha decided she really wanted to sit on her bed and not on the carpet. However, the small goblin girl was still nested in her torso. Slowly, Yasha stood up, cradling Nott in her arms. Nott weighed almost nothing to her, and making her way back upstairs was not at all difficult.

Another sound of thunder cracked outside, and Nott pressed further in, a small whimper escaping her. Yasha vaguely noticed that she was shaking less now, and he ears were no longer straight up in the air. Yasha doubted she was very comforting, or even comfortable, but it was nice to do something for Nott.

Yasha had a soft spot for Nott, despite the constant accusations of being evil. Knowing her trauma and past had made Yasha sympathize with her. Nott also gave her flowers sometimes, and that was nice too. Yasha gently adjusted her grip on the bundle in her arms and helped tighten the blanket Nott was wearing.

When she got to the rooms, she was left with a choice. Return Nott to her own room, or bring Nott inside to her room. She knew if she asked, Nott would ask to go back to her own room, but that meant she would be scared and alone and that wasn't good. The other option was bring Nott into her room, and Yasha felt a bit more comfortable with that option. Seeing how frightened the small girl was, it felt impolite to leave her alone.

Yasha sat down and reached for her large, weighted blanket. She gently pried Nott off and pet her head when Nott protested with a small whine. She brought the blanket around the two of them and lay down. Nott curled in on herself once more, her back pressed to Yasha.

As another crack of thunder echoed in the room, Nott flinched and Yasha instinctively pulled Nott closer. Every step of this she couldn't help but wonder if she was doing something wrong and upsetting her, but Nott seemed to be shaking less so she tried to think optimistically and not about how she might somehow be messing this up.

Outside their nest, the thunder storm diminished and the lasting noise was just of heavy rainfall. Yasha imagined Nott didn't enjoy this either, but she wasn't flinching any longer. Yasha was lulled by the ever distant sound of the outside, and eventually she fell asleep, dreaming of flowers.

Chapter Text

The night had been unpleasant for everyone, Nott especially. Molly could imagine she was having a difficult time confronting a part of her past she had tried to distance herself from. He understood.

As the two of them took refuge under the cart, Molly couldn't help but watch her set up her bedroll. She seemed weary, emotionally and physically. It was always interesting watching her in a fight. She was small and skinny, but somehow vicious and vivacious. It was impressive how capable she was for her age and size.

He dozed off to the sound of the rain hitting the cart above him and Nott breathing beside him. He slept heavily, not dreaming of anything in particular.

When he awoke, he could tell he was one of the first to wake up by the quiet chattering of whoever was last on watch. He could also feel something pressing into his side.

He would have liked to say he didn't freak out a little, but upon realizing something warm was touching him he jolted up. He looked down to see Nott pressed into his side, one arm pressed to her chest and the other draped over his stomach.

In a moment of acute awareness, he realized she had migrated in her sleep over to him. He bit his lip as his throat tightened. She was drooling slightly on his nightshirt, but didn't seem to have been awoken by his movement.

She shifted and nestled further into his side, her tiny hand (oh gods has it always been that small?!) balled up the fabric. He smiled down at the small, very brave girl, and before he could consider the consequences, he set a gentle hand on her shoulder and jostled her shoulder. She whined, and pressed further into him.

"Good morning, sunshine," He cooed, much too pleased at the situation. Her brow furrowed and she frowned adorably.

"Mngh, no. Five minuss," She slurred quietly, her voice surprising soft in comparison to it's usual tone. "'S too early."

"It's really not. We're gonna have to get moving pretty soon," He told her. She froze and her eyes fluttered open.

"Mollymauk?" She whispered.

"Yes?" He responded, smiling down at her. Her entire face darkened in hue, and she dramatically pushed off him, scrambling away. Molly couldn't help but laugh at the flustered girl.

"I didn't mean to- that w-wasn't-" She sputtered, desperately trying to excuse her actions.

"You slept well," He prodded lightheartedly. She pushed her face into her hands and groaned.

"Shut upppp," She grumbled indignantly. He laughed softly and pulled her hands away from her face.

"It's alright, I won't expose you," He told her, looking into her eyes.

"E-expose me?" She asked, peering back at him.

"As a cuddler," He elaborated. He would of thought it impossible for her to blush further, but she managed it. He laughed once more behind his hand as she sighed and relaxed a little. Embarrassment and indignation turned into shame as her very visible self hatred kicked in.

After a minute she said, "Sorry."

"It's fine. I can see why Caleb likes having you in the bed. You're very warm," He pointed out. She bit her lip and tried not to smile as he lightened to mood.

"It's the only good thing about goblins," She said, a small smile crawling onto the corners of her lips. "We're like travelling furnaces."

"Not the only good thing," He smiled, booping her nose before crawling out from under the cart. She looked on for a moment, before scurrying after him.

"Molly wait-" She started before he cut her off.

"Don'y worry, your secret it safe with me, you big softie," He grinned, before spinning around and walking off, hearing the sound of Nott resigning herself with a light curse in another language.

Chapter Text

"I'm sorry, I know," Caleb murmured into Nott's hair, one hand mechanically stroking her hair and the other rubbing circles into her back. Today had been rough. Nobody had wanted to go on a water mission, and nobody wanted to force Nott into the water, now knowing her history with water. They had all reassured her and tried to be there, but in the end the only thing that had really helped was drinking. She had been miserable and less than talkative, clearly trying to get the adventure done with as soon as possible. Fjord in particular had checked on her often. None of these things helped in the slightest when they had gone back to their shared chambers and Nott started to hyperventilate.

Now, she was pressed to his chest, shaking in his arms. He held her tighter and tried not to think about how much he hated the clan that had traumatized her like this. She was a functional alcoholic, but every so often he could tell she was close to breaking. She was truly a wealth of trauma condensed into a tiny body that almost disappeared in the hollow of his chest when he held her close like he was now.

"You did very well. I know that was not easy, but you did very well," He repeated. In his time with her he had noticed that she, like him, liked patterns. She liked repetition and consistency, especially when she was in a panic. He waited a moment, before realizing she was no longer breathing.

"Liebling, you need to breathe," He told her softly, trying not to sound too concerned. Being prompted, she inhaled, but it was quick and shaky, and Caleb's concern sky rocketed.

"I-I can't," She whispered, her voice wavering on every vowel. Caleb grimaced inwardly. She seemed so miserable. Caleb was no stranger to panic attacks, and he was conscious of a few ways to help someone having one. He pulled his head back, putting some space between them. Then, he took her hand and rested it on his chest. He breathed deeply enough that she could hear and feel.

"See? Try to take deep breaths with me," He prompted. She nodded slightly enough he would not have caught onto it if he weren't searching her face intently. She shakily tried to match his breaths, and quickly caught onto the pattern.

"Gut," He murmured. She shoved herself back into his arms, seemingly intent on hiding inside his hold. It was times like this that he couldn't help but smile at how much she reminded him of a cat. Her lithe body became compact and she curled in on herself.

Caleb didn't mind being her personal pillow. He had to wonder if he was comfortable, but he found it endearing (to the point where he seriously questioned whether he was worthy of holding the honor) that she was so comfortable with him. Even when it had just been the two of them, she had rested her head on his pecks and he used her as a very warm, and purring, weighted blanket. He had missed this closeness.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a hoarse voice that said, "'m sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" He responded. She shrugged against him.

"I dunno," She slurred.

"That is right. You don't know because you haven't done anything wrong," He told her, his voice getting lower for emphasis.

"I was drunk," She argued, although the attempt to get a reaction from him was rendered ineffective when she was curled into his arms.

"You are also traumatized," He argued back, his voice kind. Nott didn't seem to have a response to this, as she simply yawned into the back of her hand.

Caleb was hit with a dilemma. There were things he needed to do before bed, and a few people he wanted to talk to, along with a pile of recovered artifacts that needed to be identified. On the other hand, Nott had just fallen asleep, and waking her up would be a crime against humanity.

He sighed and pulled the blankets over them, their position similar to that of sleeping in ditches or on the sides of roads. He fell asleep, a hand threaded through her hair and holding the back of her head like a baby.

This was more important than any artifact.

Chapter Text

With the small size of the tiny hut, close proximity was inevitable. Typically, it was the furthest thing from an issue. They were all people with issues, loners who found their way together and thus, needed this sort of physical contact.

Things, however, got a bit more difficult when the group consisted of a very heavily injured goblin and a cleric totally out of spells.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry Nott!" Jester apologized to a grimacing Caleb and Nott who was clutching her side. "Caduceus?"

"I only have a couple, and if something happens in the night we might need them," Caduceus responded. "She just needs a long rest and she'll be better in the morning. I can use some spells to fix any potential remaining injuries in the morning."

She looked unhappy at this answer, but understood it to be the best course of action. The rest of the nein set up camp and Caleb put up the hut. Caduceus and Fjord decided to take first watch while the others slept.

Watch went fine, Caduceus's keen eye only catching the occasional woodland friend scurrying past. However, near the end of his watch he heard a familiar hiss from the hut.

"Nott, are you alright?" Caduceus asked quietly, as not to alert the others who didn't seem to have been awoken by the noise.

"No," She whisper hissed back, her voice strained. "It's my fuckin' ribs. I can't stretch out in here."

He glanced inside, noticing indeed that Nott had been forced to curl up. He hadn't even considered that. She always made her body as compact as possible, as if she stretched out, they wouldn't fit. He frowned as she winced in pain.

Standing up, she sat up, propping her weight on one shaking arm. Gently, he lifted her up and lay down, before setting her down flat on his chest. Her entire body was trembling, but as she got the opportunity to lay flat on Caduceus's comparability large chest, she calmed down.

"Is this any better?" He asked softly. He felt her nod against him but he may have also noticed a little splotch of wetness on his shirt as she took in sharp breaths. This wasn't optimal. He could heal her, but not to a very great extent. This fact was really unimportant when he could feel her clawed hand clench an excess of fabric from his shirt in an attempt to calm herself.

Ignoring his own logic, he murmured a few divine words and pet her back, allowing the healing energy to get into her system. He knew it wouldn't be enough to negate the pain, but at least it wouldn't be as intense.

To his satisfaction, her hand released the death grip on his shirt and she stopped trembling entirely. He knew she would still be in pain, so he rubbed slow circles into her back.

"T-thanks, Ducey," She whispered, her voice still a bit strained.

"It's the least I can do," He responded.

It took almost no time at all for sleep to overcome her small body, clearly worn out from the battle and resulting damage. Caduceus, however, stayed up a bit longer than he should have, not wanting to stop comforting her, and focusing on keeping his breaths deep.

Eventually, he fell asleep, Nott's small body draped over his like a warm blanket. Caduceus wasn't complaining. She was remarkably comfortable.

Chapter Text

"Jester says clearing the rubble will take a while," Nott said, shoving her wire back into her pocket before stumbling back over to where Beau was sat against the cave wall. "How's your leg holding up?"

"Not great, dude. I think that dragon's claws were poisonous or something," Beau hissed, tightening the bindings on her injured leg.

"No, they were definitely poisoned," Nott responded, clumsily falling next to Beau and resting her head against the cave wall.

"How do you know?" Beau asked, turning to look at Nott, who's face and hair were caked in blood and dirt. Nott had taken a pretty bad hit to the torso, and her ribs were raked with claw marks from the dragon.

"Because I lost my sight a minute ago," She replied flippantly, resting her head on Beau's shoulder. Beau's eyes widened.

"Wait, shit, what? Are you- what do we do? How do we fix it?" She prompted, poking Nott anxiously, knowing Nott was the resident chemist and acid specialist.

"Nothing to do," Nott shrugged, her words slurred and uncharacteristically soft as she nestled into Beau's side slightly. "Jes has the only med kit and we're out of potions."

Beau's heart skipped a beat before picking up much quicker than usual.

"Fuck, why didn't you say something before? You're dying!" She exploded, grabbing Nott by the shoulders and shaking her small form which hung limp in her grasp.

Nott's head rose a bit, and their eyes met, Beau's wide with fear and anger, and Nott's half lidded.

"Didn't want you to freak out," She answered, before falling into Beau's arms.

All Beau could do was look down as she pulled the small goblin into her arms. It was times like this she cursed herself for not having magic. She felt completely useless, as all she could was worriedly smooth Nott's hair and stare at the rubble, desperate for the rescue team to-

"Hurry the fuck up!" She yelled, tears clouding her vision, tightening her hold around the goblin who's breaths had gone shallow. "Fuck fuck fuck. It's gonna be okay. We're gonna get to Jessie, and she'll fix this."

Nott grumbled in response, her claws tightening their grip on the bunch of fabric from Beau's pants, before totally releasing them. Beau stopped breathing.

Staring at the blocked off tunnel entrance, she waited and listened intently for the sound of stones moving.

Not crying. Definitely, 100% not crying.

Chapter Text

As soon as the group was far enough into the tunnel, Jester dropped down and began healing Caleb's stomach. Caduceus stood behind her, tending to Beauregard's wounds. The two humans had taken pretty bad hits respectively, and the Nein had been forced to flee into the icy catacombs. Jester, as a tiefling, didn't get cold like other people. It was a quirk she hadn't even known about until she met the Nein, as she grew up on a beach and Mama had never mentioned it.

Finishing Caleb's healing, she wrapped a blanket around him as he rested off his exhaustion and injuries. Turning back around, Jester stretched and walked over to the middle of their makeshift camp and started propping up a tent. Caduceus had finished and was helping Fjord set up camp, so she preoccupied herself with her work, listening to the harsh winds outside. Everyone was off on their own and quiet, and if she was being honest, it made her nervous. She desperately wanted to fill the quiet with noise, but nobody was within distance to talk to.

After finishing up the tents, she started rooting through the bag of holding for supplies. From the time that she finished healing Caleb and him waking up, about an hour had passed. Behind her she heard a weak, cracking cough.

"Schiesse, it's cold in here," Caleb grumbled. She turned around and saw him sit up.

"Yeah, sorry! We were waiting for you to wake up to make a fire because there's no kindling or anything," She explained.

"How long was I out?" He asked, wrapping the blanket further around himself.

"Over an hour? Like an hour and 15," She told him. His eyes widened.

"You haven't had a fire going for an hour?" He asked, looking around the camp.

"It's not the right conditions for a non magical fi-"

"Where's Nott?" Caleb asked, his voice sounding strained. Jester looked around confused.

"Uh, I don't know. I think she's trying to take a nap or something," Jester explained to Caleb's horror. Misinterpreting his concern she told him, "She didn't get hurt in the battle if that's what you're worried about."

Caleb hopped to his feet and Jester instinctually ran over to stop him.

"Wait! Wait! Don't! You're still injured!" She gently tried to press his shoulders down, but Caleb pushed past her frantically.

"Fjord, have you seen Nott?" Caleb asked loudly, the rest of the Nein looking up from their individual jobs.

Fjord said, "Yeah, she's in the corner over there. She's trying to nap though, and I've learned the hard way not to wake her up."

Caleb rounded the corner of the cave Fjord had indicated to find Nott curled in on herself in a sitting ball, her eyes shut.

"See?" Jester pointed, her voice soft. "She's fine, she's just trying to nap."

"No she is not," Caleb responded, his throat audibly tight. Caleb rushed over and fell onto his knees in front of Nott and began shaking her. "Mist, she does this sometimes. She does not take care of herself and does not speak up.”

"W-what's wrong with her? Why isn't she waking up?" Jester sat next to him, as Nott stayed unconscious in Caleb’s grasp. Upon closer inspection, Nott's skin was noticeably more pale.

"It is a goblin quirk. They get very cold very quickly," He explained quickly, his tone of voice riddled with anxiety and what Jester could sense as guilt. "She almost got hypothermia one night because she didn't want to bother me for the only blanket. It was only fall. Usually when we sleep next to one another, we can negate this sort of situation."

"What do we do?" Jester was getting frantic now. It wasn't normal to see Caleb so panicked like this, and she really didn't like seeing Nott like this, all quiet and still. Nott wasn’t meant to be still, she was supposed to be quick and endearingly twitchy and lively.

"I need to start a fire. Here, take her," He scooped up Nott's compact form before handing her over to Jester and taking large strides back to the main camp.

Jester looked down at Nott's form who was curled in her arms like a kid. Nott wasn't shaking which Jester determined was bad. Raising an unclothed hand to Nott's forehead, she was shocked by how cold her skin was.

However, upon touch, Nott's lips parted and she let out a barely audible whine. Jester pulled back her hand, afraid she had done something wrong. If she didn't know something as important as this, what else did she not know about goblin? Some cleric she was.

However, the moment she pulled away, Nott let out another small whine, this time much more obviously one of displeasure. It hit Jester that Nott needed warmth, and Jester was quite warm.

Obliging, Jester pressed her hand to Nott's forehead once more, and Nott's brow unfurrowed. Coming to the realization that her skin would be much more effective than proximity to a fire, Jester pulled off her cloak and rolled up her sleeves, curling to cover Nott a bit.

After about a moment, Nott started trembling, the vibrations quickly picking up in intensity. This made Jester's heart squeeze with sympathy and pity, but she was also relieved because at least she wasn't totally still anymore.

Carefully getting to her feet, Jester carried Nott back over to the main camp, holding her tight to her chest. Caleb was preoccupied adding fuel to the fire via a cantrip. The rest of the Nein were looking on, except Caduceus who seemed to be preparing his tea kit.

"Will she be okay?" Fjord asked, a look of worry on his face and his eyes on Nott's violently trembling body in Jester's arms. She new the expectation that she as cleric should know, she should be able to heal her and make it all better, but she was really at a loss for words. She hadn't even noticed this before, and Caleb was the only experience with this sort of thing. Thinking about this, she got gradually more and more upset with herself. She should have noticed.

Caleb responded, snapping her out of her thought spiral by saying, "Ja, she should be. She just needs to heat up and a bit of healing." He stood up, turning to Jester. "Here give her to me. She needs contact."

Jester looked at Nott's face, contorted with misery and Caleb's expectant look and outstretched arms.

"Uhm... I think I should take her for now. I'm warmer and I can heal her and also, you're still injured and need to rest," She rambled, her chest tight.

"Oh, that is true. You are much warmer," He responded, considering this before dropping his arms to his side, before folding his arms and lightly scratching them.

Carefully, Jester sat in front of the fire, trying not to jostle the shaking bundle of freezing goblin in her arms.

It took a minute or so, but the rest of the camp went back to normal, the group averting their gaze and returning to their prior hushed conversations, and Caleb eventually walking over to his belongings.

Left alone, Jester had a while to reflect. Nott always joked about how Jester didn't heal enough, but this was different. She should have been paying attention when they had gotten back to the camp. Hell, she should have been paying attention when Nott had huddled into Caleb's side when they made camp on the road and he had pulled a blanket around her. Nott could have gotten seriously hurt if Caleb hadn't have woken up when he did, and they would have been none the wiser.

Nott wasn't very good at taking care of herself. She was excellent at taking care of others, but when it came to self care she seemingly came up short. It honestly made Jester a little uncomfortable, and after she found out Nott was a mom, it made her a lot uncomfortable. She remembered Nott looking her in the eye before turning and running and taking a nasty hit to the back, before stumbling and pulling herself up onto the ledge and shooting a crossbow bolt at the dragon despite the fact that she looked like she was on deaths door.

Nott also refused to deal with her emotions which sucked too. She just drank, and sometimes Jester would get scared that Nott would go home to Yeza and Luc and not ever deal with her past. Thinking about this, she swept a loose strand of hair behind one of Nott's ears, cringing when her hand touched icy skin.

"I didn't know either," A bassy voice said. Nott looked up to Caduceus who offered her a cup of tea, which she accepted. "None of us did."

"I should have. It's my fault. I'm the cleric."

"It isn't your fault. She never said anything. Anyway, what matters now is she gets better."

Jester pulled Nott a little closer to her chest and bit her lip. She hated, hated seeing her friends in pain. At some point Caduceus walked off, but Jester was focused on rubbing Nott's arms to stir up blood circulation.

Gradually, Nott's trembling became less intense and resembled that of the other's. About an hour in, Nott stirred.

"Mnh..." She groaned weakly, her luminous eyes opening to reveal unfocused pupils.

"Hi," Jester whispered, being snapped back into reality. "I think the others are trying to sleep, so we have to be quiet."

"Oh... okay," Nott raised a weak arm and scrubbed her eyes with the back of her hands. "Where's Lebby?"

Jester looked around at the group, seeing the sleeping bodies of the various members of the group.

"He's okay. He's asleep. I healed him real good," She said, peering over to see Caleb's unconscious form. She had a feeling he had meant to stay up for Nott, but had fallen asleep with his book still open. "How are you?"

A weird look crossed over Nott's face, and the goblin looked away as Jester stared her down with concern.

"I'm fine."

Jester sighed and Nott flinched a bit.

"You already know what I'm going to say, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

Nott huffed and rattled off, "That I need to take better care of myself and tell people if I'm hurt."

"And why do you need to do those things?"

"Because you guys care about me," Nott grumbled, clearly unhappy and uncomfortable admitting it.

"Not just us. Your husband and child too. But that's not all. You should take care of yourself for you. You have an obligation to yourself as much as you have one to anyone else, okay? You're important too."

Nott didn't respond to this, opting to stare at the fire.

Finally she said, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm not mad at you or anything, I just got scared. We all did. If anything it's my fault for not knowing about this before." She hadn't meant to vocalize her self doubt, and the moment she had she realized she had messed up as Nott's eyes darted up to her.

"What? Of course it's not your fault. How could you have known?" Nott's voice got a bit louder as she scanned Jester's face.

"I'm the healer, I-"

"-well-"

"- I can heal, and I should have been paying attention before. I should have done more."

Nott sat on this for a moment before squirming in her grip and sitting up in Jester's lap and making direct eye contact. She looked less pale, that was good.

"Jessie, you pretty much just brought me back from the dead. You know that right?"

Jester nodded a bit.

"And you've saved my life and everyone else's like a billion times and none of us would be here without you?"

Jester nodded again, her cheeks getting warm.

"This is my fault for not saying anything, not yours for not knowing something you were never told. So you're not allowed to beat yourself up for this, okay?'

"But I-"

"Nope! No 'buts.' I'm evoking mom privileges. You're not allowed to be mean to yourself anymore, okay?"

"... okay."

"Okay, good. I'm gonna mage hand and steal Fjord's blanket 'cause I'm still really cold."

Jester giggled as Nott got comfortable in her lap once more and deftly stole Fjord's blanket. The two of them finished all of first watch together in pleasant silence before falling asleep with Nott cuddled into her stomach and a protective arm draped across Nott's shoulder.

Chapter Text

“Are you okay?” Caleb asked, sitting down to a soaked Veth. Her eyes were trained on the grass, her diligent fingers picking at the soft blades.

Without making eye contact, she nodded. Even wordless, she was a terrible liar. It was usually endearing, but in this case it was heartbreaking.

The group was recovering from a particularly grizzly encounter with a small group of elementals, one of which just so happened to be a water elemental, and just so happened to single out the halfling who had shot it in the eye twice in a row. She had only been drowned for 17 seconds, Caleb’s keen mind remembering every terrifying moment, but that was enough to leave her mute and frightened.

“Can I touch you?” He asked, softening his voice. She hesitated for a moment before answering his plea, although her facial expression didn’t betray anything but blank fear. Veth nodded, the movement small and weak, breaking his heart for her more.

Gently he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his lap, before wrapping both arms around her and holding her close to his chest. She held still, but after a moment, the tension ran from her shoulders and she relaxed in his arms a bit, although she was still atypically high strung, betraying her usual bright attitude.

“Your braids got messed up in the fight. I’ll redo them,” He told her, gently taking one of her braids between his fingers, undoing the ribbon that held the arrangement of hair in place, her damp hair falling over her shoulders. Caleb retrieved the comb he had gotten from Jester when they had looked over at Veth’s miserable, huddled form sitting on the grass. No words had been exchanged, she simply handed him the comb, already knowing what needed to be done.

Very carefully, he brushed the comb through her hair, taking extra care when reaching the occasional tangle. She took such good care of her hair most of the time, so it felt very important to help her with this.

As time went on, the two of them sitting together with Caleb methodically combing her hair to the visage of perfection she typically maintained, he felt her relax further. She shifted her weight so she was actually being supported physically, instead of laying totally stiff as she had been before. A smile crept across his lips at the confirmation that he was helping his friend, and that this sort of affection wasn’t unnecessary or something inexcusable. Now he had plausible deniability to be affectionate with his closest friend.

He missed it so much. He missed Nott so much. He loved Veth with his entire being and he would do anything for her, but with Nott he could be openly affectionate and kiss her on the forehead and cuddle her and carry her without the fear of being judged. He wanted to be that way with Veth, but it was so difficult to communicate ‘I want to sleep in the same bed as you once more’ without a part of him deep down telling him that he wasn’t allowed.

“Caleb?” A small voice snapped him out of his spiral, Veth looking up to him, her big brown eyes glittering in the sunlight.

“Ja?” He responded, simultaneously realizing her hair had been entirely detangled for a while and he should move onto the braiding process.

“Could you talk to me about something?” She asked, her voice even softer than before.

“Oh,” He said, a bit surprised by the request, but thrilled to oblige. “About anything in particular?”

“Just…” She looked down for only a second, but it was enough time for Caleb to see her look at her own hands. “Something. Something else aside from…”

He finished her sentence for her, although he doubted she would have continued anything. “Ja, okay. I can do that.”

She smiled up at him, and although her mouth was closed, it was nearly blinding. It was a sad smile, the small hints of relief and deep, deep sadness that he had never seen from Nott. He had never picked up on the intricacies of Goblin facial expression, only how the ears expressed themselves. It was difficult to discern grief and dysphoria from the disappointment of losing a shiny button, as he recollected that for both, her ears would droop.

Separating strands of hair, he said, “I have been trying to research the flora that inhabits this island, but unfortunately I have not found anything of value. They are almost entirely undocumented, it’s really fascinating. I spoke to Caduceus, and he too did not recognize the samples I had collected. I harbor trepidation about having Yasha collect more, as some of them have very strange chemicals that are dispersed upon contact.”

He continued to ramble, speaking about anything he could think of that wouldn’t upset her, which led to him speaking on other schools of magic, and passing judgement by ways of ‘conjuration wizards are cowards, and I stand by that.’ The forest around them was quiet, the only distraction being Jester at one point messaging him to let him know they were setting up camp nearby. Other than that, it was Caleb, his thoughts, and Veth who was picking the petals off the occasional flower.

Finally, he finished braiding her hair. The braids were a bit looser than he’d hoped, but they would maintain until she eventually redid them a hundred times than he could. He brushed a loose strand hanging in front of her eye, tucking it behind her ear. Her ear didn’t twitch the way it would have as Nott, but he smiled at the knowledge that they would have.

Caleb was almost done, but there was one thing that he needed to do still. Leaning over, careful not to disrupt Veth, who looked so adorably content that it made his heart squeeze, he plucked a few small, purple flowers from the grass. She had been fiddling with a few of the same kind earlier and there had been no reaction, so he determined it was safe.

“For good luck,” He murmured, as if it were some sort of secret only the two of them were in on.

Speaking up for the first time in a while, she echoed his words, her voice so soft and sweet he could swear he had never heard her speak before.

“For good luck.”

In a moment of pure stupidity and repressed feelings, he leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to her forehead, simultaneously sliding a flower behind her ear.

He pulled away, their eyes meeting. Veth’s cheeks were a lit, making her even more beautiful than before, and Caleb was willing to bet his face was the same crimson hue.

Despite the show of intimacy that was unfamiliar with their changed dynamic, the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it was pleasant. His time with her was just… pleasant.

She was the one to break the silence.

“I really hope these flowers don’t make me go crazy and lose my memory and start giving all my buttons to Avacodo, because that would suck.”

“Nein, I think you’re gut. If that was going to happen, it probably would have happened when Caduceus made tea out of them.”

“He did what?”

“The tea he made yesterday. I’m pretty sure you partook in drinking it.”

“You knew this and you let me drink it? Oh my god, both of you are so smart but so dumb.”

“Well that’s why we have you with us.”

“Oh for sure . You guys would be so fucked without me.”

“Ja. We would.”

The two of them stayed like that until sundown, talking softly, things returning to a semblance of how they were before; familiar and warm.

All in all, it was a productive talk.

Chapter Text

The process of setting up camp that night was a solemn one, the usual chatter and banter amongst the various members of the group entirely removed from the sounds of bedrolls being laid out and Caleb's incantation as he set up the bubble.

The group had agreed; sleep here tonight, head out to Xhorhas in the morning. If we're not criminals, we try to work with the Brightqueen. Until then we sleep out in the woods, best not to stay in that godforsaken town any longer with that thing roaming around.

Fjord looked around at the rest of the group, each quiet in their own right, before taking a deep breath and speaking up.

"I'll take the first watch. Who's with me?" He asked, looking around. The other members of the Nein looked amongst one another, before a voice he hadn't anticipated spoke up.

"I will," Nott announced, her voice maintaining the quiver it had developed a few days ago when she had lost her flask.

While usually this pairing would be met with confusion or teasing, the group simply moved on, quickly finishing up the process of unpacking their belongings. The toxic guilt eminating from each member of the nein filling the clearing of the forest was nearly palpable, leaving an acrid taste on the half orc’s tongue.

It was times like this he wished he were more like Vandran, a willing and inspiring leader, able to lift spirits in times of darkness and keep the crew on track when they got unwilly. But now, all he could do was help kindle a fire.

After finishing his duties, Fjord settled on a scavenged log retrieved from the woods, taking notice as Nott sat down next to him, visibly shaking. While he had been poking at her as normal, he had been concerned for her well being just as much as Jester or Caleb. However, that paled in comparison with the devastating loss they had just been dealt.

Looking for something to occupy his hands with, he summoned the falchion and began sharpening it half heartedly. In his peripheral view, Nott very visibly reached for where her flask would be strapped to her belt, before remembering it was missing. Without something to hold, her foot began to bounce on the moss covered floor below them, the rhythm arrhythmic and incessant.

It was hard not to notice the physical changes, even for someone as undiscerning as Fjord. Her moss green skin was tinted with heavier blue undertones than usual, the color being masked by a faint ashiness. Her features were more gaunt, resembling how she looked when they had just met and they had all assumed her to be an underfed child. The protruding eyes that took up so much room on her face were sunken, and her sharp cheekbones were all the more prominent, jutting out sharply. It wasn't a very good look for her, although she would claim that any look in this body was worthy of scorn.

A silent part of him had hoped she would entertain him with her nervous ramblings or clever banter, but she stayed quiet, chewing on her bottom lip and picking her claws. He couldn't remember any time she had been this focused on taking watch, saying she usually drank the whole time and dropped the bulk of the work on whoever she was paired with. However, this impression was shattered when he looked closer, noticing the way her ears drooped and her pupils were blown out. She wasn’t paying attention.

"Nott?" He prompted, trying to shake her back to alertness. Instantly, she flinched and shrunk, her brow furrowed in the way he had seen when she was hungover with little hope of a greater restoration for Jester. "You alright?"

She pinched her brow, her eyes flickering up to meet his. Looking at her from this angle, despite sitting on an equal level, really accentuated how small she was, hunkered down and on the defensive like this. She bit into her lip a little harder, and he was about to warn her about her teeth, before she spoke.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine," She lied, wrapping an arm around her torso and balling up a bit of fabric from her dress. She was making an uncharacteristic amount of eye contact, and it made him a bit squeamish. She was usually so mobile, her attention jumping from shiny object to Caleb and then back to shiny object, but now her attention was focused solely on him. It was a bit unnerving.

"Still missing the flask?" He asked ineloquently.

"It feels stupid to be upset about a lost flask when we just lost a member of the group. Y’know whether or not she was actually evil the whole time," She muttered, her eyes darting back to the forest floor.

Fjord didn't really have a reply for her, because she was correct. They certainly had bigger things on their plates. Although he had to admit, he was surprised that whoever had taken the flask hadn't given it back yet. The poor girl was a mess. Her shaking had increased to a much stronger frequency, and she curled tighter into herself, keeping an eye on the ground.

"Here," He said, pulling out his extra blanket from his travelers pack and handing it to her casually. Somewhat suspiciously, she took the blanket from him.

"T-thanks," She stuttered, wrapping the blanket around herself tightly. The blanket was relatively small and thin, but on her it looked much more effective than it really was.

"No problem. Least I can do," He replied, pursing his lips. He sat in the guilty haze that had overtaken camp, before deciding that occupying the silence would be better than misery. "How are you feeling?"

"L-like... emotionally or-or physically?" She tried to clarify, the words rushing and the syllables slurring together, as if she were desperate to get the words out quickly. There was a rustling of a bush approximately 40 feet away from the dome, but before he could get suspicious, a small rabbit darted from the foliage and across the camp. He relaxed, his fist unclenching from its death grip on the hilt of the falchion.

"Either. Both," He responded. A shooting star streaked past them overhead, nearly blocked out by the canopy of leaves overhead.

"Well it doesn't really matter which one you meant. The answer is the same for both; not great," She expressed, gesticulating with bitter, lackluster enthusiasm.

"Maybe Caduceus could use Greater Restoration?" He suggested. “To help with the withdrawals.”

“As much as I just love having a ton of attention and concern focused on me, I think they should probably save their spell slots,” She grumbled. He caught onto the sarcasm, but persisted nonetheless.

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. And they’re going to have a long rest, so it won’t be a waste,” He argued back. Nott glared at him a bit, more in annoyance than in hatred.

“That would only work if they had cast it before we started watch. It’s too late now,” She asserted.

“We could wake them up and ask-” He began to suggest, his voice elevating a bit before Nott clapped a hand over his mouth.

“No, ” She hissed, her eyes displaying panic. “No, no, no. Do not wake them up. I’m fine, okay? I don’t need a spell. I’m fine.”

Fjord waited for her to remove her hand, maintaining eye contact with the trembling goblin. Finally, pursing her lips, she sheepishly removed her hand.

After a moment of quiet, Fjord said, “No you’re not.”

He saw tears prickle in the corners of her eyes, but before he could reach out or comment, she shoved her face into her palms, hunching further, the borrowed blanket falling off her shoulders.

“So what ?” She hissed in response.

“So, we take care of each other,” He returned, his voice dropping lower than usual. “We’re a group. A family. Families would do anything for each other to keep each other safe, right?”

Nott didn’t respond, simply curling into herself further. Fjord wasn’t the most observant member of the Nein, but even he noticed her self-destructive tendencies. To be fair, it hadn’t really clicked until the river, but the realization had hit him like a bus. He had thought back on even their first weeks together, where she had almost died to save him from a manticore, being mauled in the process. That wasn’t to mention how she had forced herself to relive her trauma continuously for his sake, with little in the way of protest other than the off hand snark, typically directed at him when he had said something , albeit it unwittingly, incredibly offensive.

Fjord sighed, his own negative feelings pushing the need for intimacy and comfort to the forefront. Everything sucked, but seeing his friend trembling and dealing with withdrawals, he realized he could at least succeed in helping her feel better, even if he hadn’t been able to help Yasha.

Gently, he picked up the blanket, and pulled her into his arms, wrapping the blanket around the two of them.

Internally, he had been expecting some sort of hesitation from Nott, but she seemed just as exhausted as he was. She curled into his chest, allowing herself to be held, and Fjord allowing himself this moment of comfort to hold her tighter.

The Nein was his first family since Vandren, and he was going to hold onto them. He never wanted to lose his family again, and even if they’d lost Yasha, he could help Nott through something difficult.

In his arms, he could hear Nott crying quietly. He didn’t fully know what she was feeling, or even that she knew what she was feeling, but she needed this. He needed it too.

Almost without thinking, he reached up and cradled the back of her head, petting her head gently.

The two of them sat there for a while, Nott’s trembling eventually subsiding to Fjord’s relief. If the two of them had been thinking straight and were fully alert, this interaction would have never occurred, but Fjord was happy it had transpired. He needed that sort of grounding touch a bit more than he’d like to admit. And Nott… Nott needed to know she was valuable and her presence was necessary.

Despite the worst of her minor breakdown being passed, Nott stayed still in his arms, their bodies so close he could feel as slowly but surely, her breathing evened out. This was no longer a hug, she was just resting, him her armor plated cushion. It reminded him of how Frumpkin would make himself comfortable wherever he pleased. It was adorable.

Sneaking a peak despite his best judgement, he lifted the blanket to reveal a curled up ball of goblin attached to his chest. Fjord was honestly impressed at how small she had managed to make herself, her lithe form as compact as ever.

Delicately stretching his arm up and over, as to not jostle the bundle, he reached a finger down and poked her on the forehead.

“We’re supposed to be taking watch,” He reminded her. She didn’t move, but her nose wrinkled in response.

“Fuck off, you’re comfy,” She responded, nuzzling her cheek into his breastplate.

He should have been annoyed by this, being left to the duty of taking watch alone, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed, especially when she looked more content than she had been in… he couldn’t remember a time where she had looked this comfortable. Fjord thought that maybe this was the side that Caleb saw in her when they slept huddled together.

Squashing down his unwelcome feelings of need and slight jealousy, Fjord simply appreciated the moment for how long it would last.

They could deal with guilt and politics tomorrow, tonight he just needed to be a friend.

Chapter Text

"Fjord, don't move," Beau said out of nowhere, her eyes trained on his shoulder. Fjord started to turn his body to move before Beau cut him off with a quiet agitated noise.

"Oh my gosh that is the cutest thing ever," Jester squealed softly, pressing her cheeks with the pads of her fingers, her eyes sparkling in the candle light.

Carefully, Fjord looked down at the figure pressed into his side. The group had been strategizing, and as it went, they only had a limited number of 'Sendings' and 'Communes' before the spell casters had to start casting ritually, which took much longer. Caleb was in the middle of setting up a ritual of his own, incense scattered on the floor around him in geometric patterns.

He hadn't even noticed Nott curl into his side, as he was on the verge of sleep himself, but now that someone had pointed out, the comforting, warm weight seemingly had an origin. Nott was pressed into his side, her face squished against his chest and her eyes shut tight. His arms had been on the top of the cushion, but he realized now he wouldn't be able to put his arms down without moving her.

"What- what do I do?" He whispered, looking to the group. Caduceus chuckled, his voice bassy and low, before taking a sip of his tea. Jester giggled behind her hand and Beau smirked. He hissed, "C'mon guys. Help me out here."

"Sorry dude, but you can't move. It's the law," Beau pointed, an eyebrow raised.

"What law? I can't- my arms starting to cramp," He pleaded. Next to him, Nott shifted slightly, her lips parting slightly and her hand balling up some of the fabric of his shirt. Instantly, Fjord stopped talking.

Jester giggled once more before standing up, walking over to the couch, retrieving a thin woolen blanket and draping it over the flustered half orc.

“Oh, she fell asleep. Gut,” Caleb said, seemingly having finished his ritual. “She didn’t sleep last night.”

“Guess you’re not moving,” Beau told him. “Night, Fjord.”

Giving up on the idea of sleeping in a bed, Fjord lowered his arm around the curled up goblin as the rest of the group left the room so as to not wake her up.

“Night,” He whispered in response to the group.

Chapter Text

“Where’s Veth?” Yasha asked, looking around the breakfast table. They were planning on heading out soon, and Veth still hadn’t emerged from her room.

“Should someone go get her?” Beauregard wondered.

“If she’s not in her room, she’ll be in our laboratory,” Caleb suggested. “I can come with you two if-”

“-No, no. We got it,” Beauregard waved off, getting to her feet with a large stretch. Yasha stood up as well, stuffing a bit of food into her pack although it would disappear when the tower did.

As Beauregard and Yasha floated up, Fjord called up after them, “Be down in ten minutes! We gotta head out soon, and Dagen doesn’t like waiting.”

Beauregard shot him finger guns, and the two of them floated up to level seven.

After knocking on the green tinted door to her bedroom and not getting a response, they made their way to the door to the lab, which they found slightly ajar. When they peeked in, they found that the lights were still on, and sitting at a filled workbench, was Veth.

Beauregard was about to speak, before Yasha cut her off, and when they walked forward they realized that Veth was asleep at the table, her cheek pillowed on her arms. Ahead of her on the table sat a strange, elaborate looking contraption that, although Yasha didn’t recognize, was most likely some sort of bomb.

“She must have spent all night working,” Yasha commented as she crouched down, noting that the rogue hadn’t changed clothing from yesterday.

Wordlessly, she reached down and carefully scooped Veth into her arms so as to not jostle her. While she expected some trepidation from her, the halfling easily curled into the crook of her elbow and resumed sleep, a small hand balling up a bit of the fabric of Yasha’s shirt in her sleep.

“Should we play a prank?” Beauregard whispered.

Yasha shook her head. “No, we should let her sleep for a bit longer.”

“You’re no fun,” Beauregard grumbled fondly. Yasha began to head out, walking as smoothly as possible, before Beauregard tugged her shirt. “Should we grab whatever she was working on?”

“There’s a good chance if you touch it we will blow up,” Yasha pointed out.

“Oh, good point,” Beauregard responded, eyes wide and trained on the contraption.

Silently, they exited the room. As they floated down, Yasha got a good look at Veth. Unsurprisingly, Yasha didn’t spend much time staring at her halfling companion, so it was interesting to see her in this light.

While she was less twitchy than she was as Nott, during the day she was usually moving or talking or, at the very least, fidgeting with a button or other trinket. It was strange now to see her totally at peace and still, her face relaxed. It was an incredibly endearing sight, and Yasha found herself smiling fondly.

It was so sweet Yasha almost felt like she was intruding.

A few moments later, her feet touched the ground and she and Beauregard were back on the floor.

“You got her? Good we gotta-” Fjord started, before Yasha cut him off with an icy glare and a finger to her lips.

“Shh,” she shushed. “She’s asleep.”

“Okay? Well, wake her up so we can head out.”

Yasha grimaced, and was about to make up an excuse for why she couldn’t when Veth’s eyes blinked open blearily.

“Good morning,” Yasha said, a little saddened by Veth’s awakening despite herself.

Veth blinked again and scrubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand, a little like a cat pawing at their face.

“‘Morn’n,” Veth slurred out, clearly still exhausted.

Before Yasha could make the foolish offer to continue to carry her, Veth jumped from her arms and padded to the ground with a surprising amount of grace for how tired she was. She stumbled over to Caleb, and he regarded her with a concerned look.

“You need to get more sleep,” he chastised.

“Sorry,” she yawned. “I just had to work on something. None of you touched it, right?”

“No?” Beauregard responded, a bit cautiously.

“Oh good. We live another day,” Veth said, and Yasha genuinely couldn’t tell if she was joking.

“C’mon! Let's get going. We’re losing sunlight,” Dagen called out from the door to the tower.

With that, the Nein left, Yasha with her arms feeling a little emptier than usual.