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Chapter Text

Knock knock knock.

Molly glanced towards the door of the burrow, frowning in confusion. It's raining cats and dogs outside, most of her kids are at school, Arthur is at work and Ron and Ginny are sleeping up stairs. Who could it be?

She wipes her hands dry and walks towards the entrance, then pulled the door open. There on her pouch stood a little girl with a muggle suitcase, about Ron's age, dressed in muggle clothes, staring up at her with wide eyes.

Then she lets out the most atrocious string of curses she'd ever heard.

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"What's your name?"

The girl shrugs with a nonchalant hum.

"Where are your parents?"

She shrugs.

"...Are you homeless?"

She shrugs.

"Are you going to answer my question, or are you just going to keep shrugging?"

She tilt her head in thought, then shrugs again.

"Meh."

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They end up housing the girl.

"Dear, do you mind getting me those cereal?"

The girl nods and trots over to the cupboard. Molly smiles and looks away, their newest addition to the house is quite helpful. She'd just swept the entire house for them yesterday, and had helped her clear the garden of gnomes the day before.

Whoosh.

Molly blinks and turn around to see the girl staring at a bowlful of burning cereal.

"...Oops."

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"Child, I suppose you know a thing or two about muggle instruments?" Arthur asks enthusiastically, leaning across the table to stare at the girl dressed in a muggle hooded jacket. The girl stops poking at her bacon, looks up meekly, and shrugs.

"So tell me, do you know what rubber ducks are for?" He asks, leaning further across the table.

She stares at him for four long seconds, opens her mouth for a second, then closes it and shrugs.

"Meh."

Ron glances at the girl, and sighs.

"You reckon that's all we're going to hear from her? 'Meh'?" He asks, "And curses?"

The girl glances at her, shrugs, and hums.

"Meh."

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The girl diligently helped Molly with the dishes, standing in the kitchen on tip toes.

"Dear, you can't keep sleeping on the couch forever, can you?" Molly asks kindly, "Do you mind, maybe sharing a room with Ginny?"

The girl stares at her, shrugs, and returns to the dishes.

"Meh."

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"So here's your room, I guess." Ginny bit her lip, the girl-who-have-no-name stood at the door with the muggle suitcase with wheels, staring into the small room. She then shrugged, dragged the suitcase in, and plopped onto the floor rocking back and forth.

"... Are you going to unpack?" Ginny gestures at the suitcase, a little awkwardly.

The girl blinks at her, shrugs, and lays down on the floor.

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Apparently, time passes awfully quickly when there's a girl who don't talk in the house, and before they knew it, it's Christmas, and Bill has returned from Egypt to spend the holiday with his family.

"I think she's upstairs." Molly hummed as her eldest son, "Ginny, do you mind bringing her down stairs?"

"Okay mum!"

Bill watched with amusement as Ginny hopped down the stairs, followed by a petite girl in muggle clothings, who stared at him for several long seconds.

"Dear, do you mind introducing yourself?" His father asked almost a little hopefully.

The girl glanced at him, tilted her head, and shrugged.

"Meh."

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She's glaring at Percy's rat.

"Please stop it, you're making Scrabbers uncomfortable." Percy scolded the girl, but she paid him no mind, and instead glared even harder before making a strange gesture, jabbing at her own eyes with two fingers then jabbing it back at the rat.

In the corner of it's cage, Scrabbers trembles.

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Humming as she skipped down axle of the Muggle bookshop, the girl skimmed through the many shelves for an appropriate Christmas gift.

Perfect.

The next morning saw Arthur Weasley cheering over his new collection of Muggle encyclopedias and dictionaries.

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"She never talks." Ron said exasperatedly to the twins, "don't bother, I doubt even you two would be able to get her to speak, right?" He turns to said gril for confirmation.

"I don't speak." The girl confirmed.

"See?... WAIT A MINUTE."

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Fred and George hid behind the corners, peeking out to look as the girl was walking towards their direction.

"Ready, Fred?"

"Of course, George."

Five minutes later saw them being chased across the Burrow by a chair-wielding girl.

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"Here they are! The Hogwarts letter!" Ron ran excitedly into the living room where two girls were lounging around. "Mr R. Weasley, Top floor bedroom, The Burrow. And..." He squints at the other letter in his hand, "This one is to a ...M. Hirutazu?"

All eyes landed on the girl in the Muggle clothes.

She shrugs.

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You would describe yourself as...

"Short."

Eyes?

"Others."

Your date of birth?

"Midnight."

You pride yourself in?

"Sarcastic Badass-ness."

You reach a cross road, which way do you continue?

"Up."

Do you most fear...

"I'm 'fraid of nuffin'."

In a chest of magical artifacts, you choose...

"The whole chest."

She walks out of the shop, incredibly unimpressed of her sandalwood wand.

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Mayumi flips through the new book she bought from flourish and blotts, squinting. As she carefully drew on the runes onto the inside of her phone case.

Cheering was heard in the room when she found access to the internet.

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There's an awkward silence in the compartment as the girl with the headphones and the youngest redhead boy sat across Harry. The girl looks up from her phone, and elbowed the boy.

"OW! Um, so..." He glanced around, "I'm Ron Weasley, and this is Hirutasu... She doesn't talk." A glare. "A lot."

"it's Mayumi."

Mayumi Hirutasu stated it so bluntly it's impressive, and Ron Weasley gave her a look of betrayal.

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The twins poke their heads in.

"Hey, Ron, and hi..." George (or maybe that's Fred) trailed off. Mayumi watches on with mild interest, and Ron shot her a look.

"Appearantly," He said, looking like he just ate a rather unpleasant lemon, "Her name is Mayumi."

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"What about you? Are all your family wizards?" Harry asks curiously.

"Meh."

"Um, so do you know any magic?"

She tilts her head, lifts up a hand and pinches her thumb. Harry watches curiously for something to happen, then the train shakes a little, causing her to fumble.

Mayumi curses.

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"— Anyway, you two better change, you know, I expect we'll be there soon-" Hermione pauses and glances at Mayumi. "Why are you staring at me?"

The girl is staring rather intensely at Hermione with large eyes.

"Can you draw?" She asks.

"What? Well, of course I can." Hermione reeled, looking a little confused before she left, taking the boy with the lost toad with her.

"Lies." The girl said in a whispery voice, "Hermione can't draw."

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They have to change now. Ron glances at the girl sitting in the corner with her phone, and clears his throat.

"Do you mind?" He forces out, rather uncomfortably.

Mayumi looks up with something akin to amusement, tilts her head, and blinks.

"No." She replied, and continued reading her phone.

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"—Red hair and more children than they can afford." Malfoy turns and glances at Mayumi, "And I'll bet you're another one of those Weasley spawn."

Mayumi stared at him for a few long seconds, before she glanced at the empty milk carton in her hand, and shrugged before throwing it up and down several times.

"This bitch empty," she catches the milk carton, "YEET!"

The paper box nails the centre of Malfoy's forehead beautifully, and the compartment decends into chaos.

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After you died, what would you most like people to do when they hear your name?

"Idc and I'd rather not die thank you very much."

How would you like to be known to history?

"I'd like to keep out of it. Thanks."

You enter an enchanted garden, which would you examine first?

"The exit."

Four goblets are placed in front of you. Which would you drink?

"I'll stick to my milk cartons thank you very much."

A troll has gone berserk in the headmaster's office, in which order will you rescue these objects?

"First and foremost myself."

Which do you find most difficult to deal with?

"People."

What are you most looking forwards to learning at Hogwarts?

"How to sass Dumbledore and get away with it."

Which creature would you like to study?

"The paradox that is called humans."

One of your housemates cheated in the exam, what would you do?

"That's clearly none of my business."

A muggle confronts you and says they are sure you are a witch, do you...?

"Stare and let the judging silence speak for myself."

Dawn or dusk?

"Noon."

When will you cooperate?

"How about never?"

Mayumi has no idea how she ended up in Gryffindor.

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The Hogwarts castle, Harry found out, is a horrible, horrible maze of a school. He tries his best at finding the right classrooms, and once he and Ron tried to follow Mayumi- which is a mistake he will never, ever repeat, they somehow found themselves all the way in the west wing of the castle, stuck in a broom closet.

"How in the world did you manage this?"

Mayumi gave them a blank look, opened and closed her mouth several times, before settling down with a simple:

"I have an excellent sense of direction."

The sarcasm went unsaid.

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Despite Ron glaring at everyone, some students still seem to try and approach him with questions. For example, while they were trying to make their way to Charms, such a scene occurs.

A Ravenclaw shuffled his feet in front of him, and then looked at him with suspicion.

"Are you really Harry Potter?" He questioned, in a less-than-friendly tone.

Harry was about to answer, when Mayumi, from next to him, said out loud.

"What is with people and questioning other's self-recognition abilities today?" She wonders, "Is it a mental defect?"

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"Wait, if magic is real now, doesn't that mean Vampires are real too?"

"And werewolves can eat us!"

"Don't be silly." Hermione Granger rolls her eyes, "We have the Ministry of Magic, they have departments specializing in dealing with them."

"What about A zombie apocalypse?" Dean Thomas said fearfully, "can't people create a zombies with magic? Isn't theoretically possible?"

"Theoretically," deadpanned Mayumi, "An asteroid can hit this depressing hunk of rock called Earth right now, and we'll all perish."

They stared, she looked up from her phone, and gave them the flattest look possible.

"What?"

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"Hirutazu." Hermione stated, staring at Mayumi, "You do know about the school dress code, right?"

"No." The girl replied after a moment of silence, staring at her, "Care to enlighten me?"

"Well," Hermione spluttered, "We aren't supposed to wear anything over out school robes!" She gestured wildly at the hoodie that the girl's has been wearing for a while, "Much less, well, something like this!"

Mayumi glanced down at the half red, half white hoodie and shrugged.

"I refuse to wear these pajamas with nothing over them."

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"You may begin." Professor Snape said, and he has barely finished his sentence when a loud BOOM sounded in the corner, and there was Mayumi, looking a little frazzled as she stared at what's left of her cauldron, her auburn hair blown back by the blast.

"...I barely touched it." She said faintly.

Next to him, Ron slammed his head against the counter and lets out the most exasperated groan Harry had ever heard from someone his age.

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They're visiting Hagrid, and for some strange reasons, Mayumi decided to tag along. Hagrid was thrilled to meet a new friend, and was delighted when Mayumi said that she loved animals.

"I find them fascinating." She stated, "Cats are adorable."

Then, before they left, Mayumi turned around and made an interesting remark.

"no worries, Hagrid," She said, sincerely, "if you ever found yourself housing a dragon, I most definitely won't tip you off."

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Mayumi watches on with mild interest as Malfoy challenges Harry and Ron to a duel.

"Mayumi, you should come along!" Ron exclaimed, "So you can use your cooking curse to blow him up!"

"No, thank you." She stated, "I'm more of a cat person myself."

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"You won't believe what we saw last night, Mayumi." Ron gulped, "Last night-"

"We ran into a three headed dog in the third floor's corridor." The two finished in sync. Ron stared at Mayumi for a moment, who looked at him flatly.

"Also, regarding your earlier statement," She paused for a moment, letting her words marinate in the air before continuing in that deadpan tone of hers, "Try me."

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"I mean, no wonder she doesn't have friends!"

Harry winced in sympathy as Mayumi gave Ron The Look, while Ron spluttered and protested.

"What? She was being a snooty know-it-all!"

The Look escalated into something along the lines of you utter waste of space and oxygen, shame to your ancestors and the name of existence.

Ron whimpers.

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"Mayumi, aren't you going to the Halloween Feast?" Ron asked.

Said girl spared her a wary side along glance, and looked back down to her phone.

"No." She stated, "And by the time you get back, I expect you to have fought a troll and made up to Hermione."

About half an hour later, just as Harry was taking a flying leap onto a troll's back, he yelled.

"MAYUMI!"

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"How did you know?" Hermione demanded as they sat down for breakfast, slamming her book onto the table. The action earned her several dirty looks from their housemates, and a nonchalant glance from Mayumi.

"It's a secret." Mayumi stated.

"Well-" Hermione splitters, "It's impossible for you to have predicted the future, so how did you did it? You didn't let in the troll, did you?"

"No."

"Well?"

Mayumi glanced to her around, and gestures for them to lean closer. With a mysterious look, she blinks and whispers:

"Magic."

Before Hermione could explode with rage, Mayumi scarpered.

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"I'd bet my broomstick he let the troll in, to create a division!" Harry whispered urgently. Hermione's eyes were wide, and was about to speak when Mayumi interrupted.

"Well If you bet your broomstick, may I put in my own bet as well?" She tilted her head, "I'll bet ten gallons."

The three others stared at her like she's crazy, and Mayumi shrugged.

"What?" She frowned, "You gotta watch out for opportunities."

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Cedric was walking down the shore of the black lake when he saw a figure blobbing up and down in the water.

"...What are you doing?"

"Drowning myself."

"...May I ask why?"

"I am lamenting over my horrible, horrible Herbology homework." She stated, a sulky look on her face.

Cedric stares worriedly as she sinks beneath the surface for a long few seconds before resurfacing, and sighs.

"...If I help you with your Herbology homework, will you promise not to try and commit suicide?"

"...Yes please."

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"Harry, have you ever ridden a rodeo bull?"

Harry gave Mayumi a strange look, Hermione looked startled, while Ron just looked confused.

"If not, you should practice." she added, sticking the last bits of toast into her mouth. "Now excuse me, I have a suicide-preventing herbology tutor section with Cedric Diggory."

While Harry was busy staring at Mayumi's retreating back, Ron tapped him and spoke.

"I have no idea what a rodeo bull is," He said, nervously, "But I reckon you should listen to her."

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The morning before the Quidditch match, Harry wasn't sure how he should feel about people running over to tell him that he'd do great, or that they'd be running beneath him with a bedsheet.

His uneasiness escalated into anxiety when Mayumi, who sat across him during breakfast, made such a comment.

"Make sure to not yell while diving," She said, "Better down the stomach than the wind pipe, you know."

Later that day, Harry find himself totally in agreement with her words— The snitch would feel horrible in his wind pipe.

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In the middle of their study section, Mayumi stared out the window and let out a despairing groan. Looking away from the text book, Cedric glanced at her worriedly.

"... What's wrong?"

"Hagrid'd horrible, horrible secret keeping skill." She answered miserably, "That's what's wrong."

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Fred sniggered as another snowball bounced off the back of Quirrel's turban, and George was about to charm another one to do it when a small hand tugged on his robes.

"Hello, Fred and George." The twins turned around to see Mayumi, "I was wondering, can you teach me this handy little charm you're using now?"

"Oh?"

"Is our-"

"Helpful little housemate-"

"Interested in the art of-"

"Pranking now?"

Mayumi tilts her head. "Just a few particular people." She smiled, "I'd also like to borrow a... Well, a particular map sometimes."

They shared a look.

"In exchange, I will warn you of any foreseeable dangers to your pranking business..." They hesitantly frowned,"... And the name of one of the Marauders."

"Deal."

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Harry was incredibly disappointed when Mayumi informed them that she will be leaving for Christmas.

"Oh no worries." She hums, " I just want to pick up something— I'll write." She added when he looked at her dejectedly, "Oh, well, remember though— when in doubt, eat chocolate frogs."

Before she let the hall, she paused and looked back, as if she'd just remembered something.

"Harry," she said loudly, "I might have to borrow a curtain cloak in the future. So my Christmas present might be a little... extravagant."

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Opening the door to Magical Menagerie, Mayumi looked around.

"Ah, young lady. Looking for pets?"

"I want a cat." Mayumi stated, "I prefer long haired cats. Preferably with knazle genes?" After a moment's pause, she frowned, "best get an owl as well."

"Well right this way then."

Mayumi severely regretted this decision when she found her Norwegian forest cat ready to pounce at Sam the hawk-owl, and she had to break up a massive fight which resulted in a lot— and she mean a lot, of feathers and clawmarks.

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Harry was surprised when an unfamiliar owl swooped down in front of him and dropped off a letter, he wasn't sure who it's from, but when he saw that it was written on normal paper instead of parchment, he knew it's from Mayumi.

"What does it say?" Ron asked.

Harry frowned.

"Well, she said that I need to be less dumb and read more about mirror riddles." He said, looking through the short, brief letter quickly, "she also said that you really should stop letting scrabbers on your bed." He paused, "PS, please do check the chocolate frogs."

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Harry happily tore open his many present parcels, he was pleasantly surprised by Hermione's chocolate frogs, which reminded him of Mayumi's advice, and he was touched when he'd received a jumper from Mrs Weasley. And true to Mayumi's words, her present is very extravagant, a lovely little moving quidditch model, which have over a hundred recorded games he could watch with it.

Later, as he picked up his father's invisibility cloak, he remembered his odd female friend's request.

"Seriously," he sighed, "I'm half convinced she is a seer by now."

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Every year, Dumbledore get a decent amount of Christmas presents. New quills, expensive trinkets, old leather-bound books, he's sure he's got several viles of liquid luck stocked up from last year. So he wasn't particularly surprised when an unfamiliar hawk owl swooped in and dropped off a parcel on his desk, then swooping out again.

He was very pleased to find out that it contained a rather interesting Muggle Christmas card, along with a pair of very thick, warm, fluffy socks.

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Mayumi grumbled as she groaned into the pillow, her lower stomach aching like hell. First time over it hurts like a bitch, and appearantly second time over it still hurts like a bitch.

Sometimes, she really hate being a girl.

Fuck Puberty.

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Though late, Hermione was very happy to receive Mayumi's thoughtful set of ring binders, paper, highlighters and pens. But the note that it came with, was as everything else the girl say and does, quite puzzling.

'Dear Hermione,' it says, 'we should start an anti-animal-hating campaign in Hogwarts, it would be fun. Though you really should pay more attention to your light reading materials— they might turn out to be quite important..

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Mayumi returns to the Gryffindor common room with a happily purring cat in her arms, and immediately looks around for the Weasley twins.

"Looking-"

"-For us?

Mayumi startles a little at their sudden appearance, but otherwise did not react. She looks at them with a pleasant smile, and clasped her hands together.

"Now, boys, I have something incredibly important to discuss with you—" she blinks mischievously, glancing at the multitude of magician trinkets on her bag, "This is a dye bomb-"

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Harry and Ron watched on with wide eyes as Hermione flipped through her huge, old book frantically, while Mayumi just looked bored.

"Here! I knew it! I kne-" Hermione paused mid-sentence and blinked, a small piece of paper, clearly torn out from a notebook, fluttered to the ground, with a familiar script-y handwriting on it. Mayumi took one look at it and walked away with an oddly rapid pace, Harry picked it up, and read it out loud.

"Told ya, Baka." They blinked for a moment, then across them, Hermione seethed.

"MAYUMI!"

The girl flees.

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"Snape's refereeing, right?" Mayumi asked, rather absent-mindedly.

"Yeah," Ron grumbled, "This is the worst."

"...Fifteen gallons on the game ending within six minutes."

Ron glanced at her, "I'm not dumb enough to take that bet, Mayumi."

"Well then you're stupid because I'm taking that bet." Seamus Finnigan said gleefully, "This is some easy money."

"Mind if I change the bet to within five minutes and twenty gallons instead?"

"You're on."

Within five minutes, Mayumi collected her money, looking extremely pleased with herself.

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"So you mean the stone is only safe as long as Quirrel stands up to Snape?"

"It'll be gone by next Tuesday." Ron lamented, and Harry, as horrified as he is to do so, agrees.

"On another note, Harry. Is that bet of ours still on?" Mayumi commented nonchalantly, "On second thoughts—"

"So you are agreeing that Snape's trying to steal it!"

"— I don't want your broomstick, just get me a new one— Nothing fancy or top of the line— maybe a one of the newest Clean Sweeps? I bet it's not Snape." She paused, "If you win, I'll get you a phone."

Harry stared at her for a few long seconds. "I'm almost afraid to take that bet, but, yeah, deal."

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Easter is fast approaching, and Cedric found himself on his way to the library to tutor the odd Gryffindor again. They meet towards the back, and Mayumi offers him a strange, two-finger salute.

"Senpai, almost forgot." She hums thoughtfully, "If you ever found yourself magically transported into the middle of a graveyard, "Please hide."

"Al...right?" Cedric blinks, "Why though?"

Mayumi gives him an odd look.

"Well I can't possibly lose my only herbology tutor, can I?"

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Spring in England is just plain awful.

First they've got the weird school system, then exams, then there's the weather, and finally, the lack of pretty flowers and opportunities to tease hay-fever friends.

So when the Easter holidays— along with the horrible, horrible pre-exams stress migraines— hit, Mayumi found herself slumped against the table across Hermione, grumbling.

"What are you sulking about now?"

In response, Mayumi rolls over and whines.

"I miss Kyoto..."

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"Hagrid— What's that?"

Harry looked towards the hearth in the far end, in the heart of the fire, laid a enourmous, black egg.

Ron's wide eyes darted towards Mayumi, whose face was expressionless.

"Mayumi, wha- Why-" He said weakly, "How?"

Mayumi glances at him, a mischievous gleam in her eyes as she shrugs.

"Meh."

Her tone was almost devious.

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With an illegal dragon now hidden away in Hagrid's, er, may he emphasize, wooden house, Harry found the exams very hard to focus on.

Across him, Ron sighed.

"Wonder what it's like to have a peaceful life..." He said wistfully. Next to him, Mayumi seemed to choked on something, and gave him a sympathetic look.

"Give it up, Ron." She said, patting him on the back, "Give it up."

She then stood and left the table, leaving two positively horrified Gryffindors in her wake.

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After Mayumi's many kind— well in her own blunt, sarcastic, biting way— rejection to accompany them to send off Norbert, Harry found himself attempting to convince her one last time.

"No thank you." Mayumi said, her face in a tight smile and her tone firm, "And Harry, please, please do remember to collect all your belongings, it can lead to huge troubles."

Harry does not remember to collect all his belongings.

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Harry tried to keep his head down as he made his way to Transfigurations next to Mayumi— he's still a little bitter towards her— because an older Gryffindor's decided to follow them and loudly insult him for everyone to hear.

"— Serves him right, Karma, offing his parents—"

Harry could almost hear something audiably snap inside Mayumi. And watches with fascination when she swiftly rounded up on the much taller boy and hissed like a viper.

"Now listen here you two-faced little—"

The ten points she lost them for vulgar language was totally worth it.

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When the note informing them of their detention arrived, Mayumi took one look at it, and jogged off.

"...And there she goes again," Ron muttered, "Wonder what she's up to this time?"

Several minutes later, Mayumi jogged back towards them, looking frazzled and out of breath as she shoved a small pill box into his hands.

"Aspirin." She huffed, breathing heavily, "Not sure if it'll work but you'll need it— Also, tell Firenze I say hi."

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"Good luck, Harry Potter," the centaur said, "The planets have been read wrongly before now, even by centaurs. I hope this is one of those times."

He then turned, and was about to gallop back into the forest when Harry remembered Mayumi's request, and called out.

"Firenze?" The centaur halted, glancing back, "Um, my friend Mayumi told me to tell you she say hi."

Firenze blinked with what looked like confusion, and cantered back into the trees.

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"It sounds like fortune-telling to me," Hermione said, comfortingly,"and Professor McGonagall says that's a very imprecise branch of magic."

"I'm not sure, 'Mione," Ron said, glancing at Mayumi, "So far Mayumi's predictions are pretty accurate."

Mayumi spared him a glance, shrugged, then returned to her phone.

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Mayumi pouted as she pointed her wand at the book all the way at the other side of the room and focused.

"Accio!"

Didn't work.

She grumbled, she'd better get this done before the exams...

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"How did you do? How did you do?" Hermione asked nervously as Harry and Ron approached, "I think my snuff-box was OK, but I don't think I got enough details on it..."

"I dunno, Hermione," Ron mumbled, "Mine was squeaking, and I think it still had a tail..."

"What about you, Mayumi?" Harry glanced at their Asian friend, who seemed exceptionally calm. "How did you do?"

"I think I did pretty well," She hummed, "I wish I'd put a sapphire on the clasp too though, it would've fit the asthetics well."

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Harry is eternally grateful for Mayumi's aspirins, when he began his potions exams with a thankfully not throbbing head. His scar is still stinging though, but it's so much better without the stabbing headache.

Harry was trying to remember wheather he was supposed to take the cauldron off the fire when a loud boom sounded, and surely, there was Mayumi, her 76th cauldron laying on the floor in pieces.

"I swear," She stated, "I just touched it."

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"I wish I know what it means though." Harry grumbled, "It's happened before, but not as often as this!"

"Go to madam Pomfrey." Hermione suggested.

"Don't worry Harry," Mayumi comforted, "You'll have plenty of chances to figure it out."

Her blue eyes twinkles when the implications sinks in, and Harry looks at her with petrified horror.

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"How did you know—" Professor McGonagall spluttered, and Hermione was about to speak when Mayumi interrupted.

"Someone's most likely going to steal the stone." She said, in a surprisingly calm and faint voice. Professor McGonagall looked as if she's about to interrupt but Mayumi beat her to it.

"I'm not that much of a dog person, professor, and plants seems to die whenever I touch them." Mayumi paused, "Harry is a good seeker and Ron is excellent at chess, and they clearly has experiences with trolls." Their head-of-house looks a little stunned now. "Oh, and I really love doing riddles in my free time."

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Harry blinked when he found himself landing on some sort of plant, next to him, Mayumi dusted herself off and scrambled for the far wall, flattening herself against it with a odd, alarmed look on her face.

"Mayumi? Wha- it's just a plant."

She didn't reply. And five minutes later, Harry and Ron found themselves tightly bound while Mayumi letted out a strange, high-pitched whine as she edged away from the wriggling tendrils.

"Just a plant, my ass!"

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"We should get on—" Harry paused mid sentence, and blinked when one of the keys rocketed towards them, and he was shoved aside when Mayumi lunged and clumsily captured said key in her hands.

"YES!"

She cheered, then proceed to preform a rather weird swinging dance.

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They stick the key in the lock, and it creaked open. Harry, Ron, and Hermione, followed by Mayumi, entered the next room.

They stood at the edge of a huge chess board, and three heads slowly turned to look at the last.

"You knew, didn't you?" Ron said, rather miserably, "You knew."

Mayumi's blue eyes twinkles.

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As soon as the king threw his crown to Harry's feet, the three rushed to Ron's side, and Mayumi checked the buy's pupils.

"He's fine," She said, looking up, "Concussed, but fine. You two go ahead, I'm no good with Trolls— and Hermione, no riddle can stop you." She paused, pouted, and continued, "I'm sticking with my bet though, Harry, turbans are evil."

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Harry waved away the black fire from his face, and when he opened his eyes in the last chamber, he stared.

Quirrel stood in front of the Mirror of Erised, smirking triumphantly. "Hello Potter." He said calmly, "Surprised?"

Harry gaped for a moment, then groaned.

"Now I owe Mayumi a broomstick!"

Chapter Text

Hermione shivered as she went back through the purple fire, and saw that Mayumi is gingerly patting the back of a slightly dazed-looking Ron. She was about to speak, but Mayumi beats her to it.

"Come on." She glanced at her watch, "Best get Dumbledore here ASAP, I really don't want Harry to be in there with Quirrell any longer."

A little bewildered, the two could only follow as Mayumi walked towards the exit.

Chapter Text

Mayumi shuffled her feet as she waited outside the hospital wing for Dumbledore to show up, and brightened a little when the old headmaster rounded the corner.

"Ah, Miss Hirutasu." The man's eyes twinkled, "Waiting for Harry?"

"He's going to wake up today," Mayumi hummed, "probably before you leave, and he'll have some questions." Dumbledore's eyes gleamed with amused curiosity, "Oh and Professor? If you're going to try one of the beans, avoide the golden-brown one. That's ear wax.

When he exited, Dumbledore seemed quite grateful for her advise.

Chapter Text

"Mayumi, you knew all along, right?" Harry asked, a little exasperated as he noticed that through out his entire tale, not once did the Asian girl's face change. "That Quirrell is the culprit."

"Well," Mayumi hummed, "It wasn't like you'd believe me, so I thought it'd be funnier this way."

Chapter Text

After the ten points awarded to Neville, the Gryffindor table exploded with cheers, they've now gotten more points than Slytherin, and they're winning the House cup! Harry cheered along and watched as Neville was dog piled by various Gryffindors, whil Mayumi simply watched like, well, she expected this.

"And at last," Dumbledore turned her twinkling eyes towards Mayumi, "For her excellent foresight and ability to make use of the power of fun and laughter no matter the occasion, I award Mayumi Hirutasu ten points."

All eyes turned to Mayumi, who blinked with her mouth gaping open, for once, surprised.

Chapter Text

Harry smiled to his friends, ready to leave so he could get back to the Dursley's, only to halt when a small hand tugged on his sleeve.

"An early birthday present, Harry." Mayumi smiled mysteriously as she winked and shoved something small and square into his hands, "Don't let them find it."

When Harry got back into his room, he was pleasantly surprised to find a phone just like Mayumi's with a small note of 'call me ;)' stuck on it.

Chapter Text

"... and well anyway, if you don't let me in to see Harry, it would become quite obvious that something is wrong, isn't it?" A growl, "And if you even think of throwing me out... I am rather adapt in the art of spreading rumors, Mr Dursley."

Smacking her notebook shut, Mayumi blinks up towards Vernon Dursley with sickly sweet innocence, smiling all the while, "So, may I come in?"

Chapter Text

A week into the holidays, Harry found himself heading down the stairs to an odd sight.

The Dursley's are huddled in a corner on one couch, grumbling and glaring with either caution or anger at someone sitting on their other couch, humming as they swing their legs happily.

"Harry!" Mayumi beamed up at him, smiling brightly, "Com'ere, have a cookie!"

Chapter Text

Ever since Mayumi's constant visits, Harry's life had became considerably better. For example, since Mayumi always comes with sweets and various treats, Dudley was instantly bribed. And since she had somehow charmed their neighbors, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had to tolerate her existence.

"As somehow, the letters aren't arriving normally," Mayumi blinked meaningfully, "I have taken to act as owl substitute. Also, Ron says hi."

Chapter Text

So far, Harry's birthday had been quite plesant. Mayumi had bought him a rather large cake, which was homemade but clearly not Mayumi's doing— whatever Mayumi's trying to cook wouldn't survived to look anything more than charcoal pieces.

"Happy birthday, Harry!" She said cheerfully as she handed him the cake, "Be ready for a rather unusual little guest in your room later~." She hums, "Would you mind if I climb in through your window tonight?"

Chapter Text

tap tap tap "Harry? Harry open the window," Mayumi begged from outside the window, holding on with only her fingers. "Harry I don't think I can hold on for long!"

Harry didn't answer, he's too busy gaping at the strange little creature on his bed.

Chapter Text

When Harry had finally finished gaping, and had opened his window for a very frazzled-looking Mayumi to climb in, she was already huffing and puffing.

"Well!" Mayumi clasps her now red-tipped hands together, "Harry, meet Dobby the house elf. He's planning to possibly break your arm, and I," She paused to point at herself dramatically, "Am here to stop it!"

Chapter Text

"M-miss, you is not understand!" Dobby cries, his shrill voice desperate. "There's a terrible, terrible plot at Hogwarts this year, Miss, terrible!"

"What?"

"I know!" Mayumi chirps cheerfully, in contrast to their distress. "And I fully intent to deal with it," A pause, "With chickens!"

Chapter Text

After witnessing a very long and confusing conversation between, apparently, an house elf, and his friend, Dobby bowed with a greatful squeak and with a crack, vanished.

"There you have it!" She hummed with a mischievous smirk, "Now, ready to crash a party?"

Three minutes later Mayumi is happily chatting with Mr Mason about their mutual interest in Japanese culture while the Dursley's watched on with strained smiles, Harry found himself sitting in the corner, feeling quite very awkward.

Chapter Text

"Oh Mr Dursley? Ron wanted to have Harry to come over to his house for the rest of the holiday— Oh no worries Dudley I'm going to mail the cookies over. Do you mind?"

Mr Dursley's face was a clear 'I do mind.'

"Oh that's a shame," A sigh. "Ron's father works in the Magical government, he's been quite worried about Harry lately..."

"FINE, HE CAN GO!"

Harry is throughly impressed with Mayumi's passive aggressive threats.

Chapter Text

Harry sits awkwardly in the back of the cab next to Mayumi, who is cheerfully humming some Japanese songs as she swayed her legs back and forth like a kid.

"Too bad," She said into the awkward air of the car, "I've always wanted to ride a flying car."

Chapter Text

Life at the Burrow was very different.

For example, he learned that Ginny is extremely shy, Ron had a collection of his favourite Quidditch team's products, the Twins often leave glitter bombs around, Bill works for Gringotts, and that Mayumi is, thankfully, banned from the kitchen.

Not that it stopped her from setting salad bowls on fire, of course.

Chapter Text

'Dear Mr Gilderoy Lockheart. Greetings! I am writing to inform you that I know very well about your little talent with memory charms what you have been doing with it...'

"Mayumi? Where are you, dinner's ready!"

"Coming!"

A week later saw Mayumi humming as she read through a rather panicked-sounding reply, with satisfaction.

Chapter Text

"Keep your elbows tucked in." Ron said.

"And eyes shut."

"Don't fidget— or panic and exit too early either, wait till you see Fred and George."

Nodding, Harry grabbed a handful of the powder, stepped inside the fireplace, and was about to open his mouth when Mayumi cheerfully waved.

"Don't get stuck in Knockturn Alley for too long!"

He totally wasn't cursing her name when he exited.

Chapter Text

"Mr Lockhart, I'm so glad to have you as a teacher!" Mayumi smiled brightly as she set down one of her copies in front of the smiling man, "I simply can't wait to learn the secrets of the memory charm from you!"

If anyone noticed that the author looked positively terrified of the petite little girl, they did not comment on it.

Chapter Text

"Dear me," Mr Malfoy said in a soft, mocking voice, "What's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't pay you well for it?"

"Well then!" Mayumi chirps, in a calm but cheerful tone, "We'll just have to work harder at that. I mean, look how well they're paying you, mister!"

She blinks with wide, innocent eyes and let her words marinate in the air... And three seconds later saw Fred and George howling on the ground.

Chapter Text

On their way back to the Leaky Cauldron, Mayumi was asked to hold Ginny's books for her, and once everone's backs were turned, she fished out a small black book.

"Oh, well." She shrugged, "Might as well as deal with it."

She then stops and turns to face Harry.

"Harry, you still owe me a broomstick."

Chapter Text

After they returned to the Burrow, Harry noticed with curiosity that Mayumi had began to gain a rather spaced out look on her face.

"Guys, I've been wondering." She began in a faint tone, "What if everthing we're seeing now is just an oxygen induced hallucination?"

Percy glanced at her with what Harry could only call fear, while Mr Weasley sighs with exasperated fondness. Next to them, Fred and George shared a suspiciously mischievous look, and Ron, poor thing, groans.

"Mayumi, NO."

Busy contemplating her existence, Mayumi does not reply.

Chapter Text

Ron blinks at the many rather large, gray spray cans Mayumi had stuffed inside her muggle suitcase, which had the word 'Raid' written across them in bold. He glances at the girl, who shrugged.

"Precautions." She said with a mysterious smile.

"...In that case," Ron gulped, remembering the girl's erriely accurate predictions last year, "May I borrow one?"

Chapter Text

Hermione waits anxiously next to Mayumi near the train, watching where Harry and Ron should've entered like a hawk.

"Why aren't they here yet?" Hermione bites her lip, "Oh, dear, last minute, where are they?"

Having a sigh, Mayumi grabs her by the arm and dragged the orried witch along onto the train, "No worries, Hermione, they're fine." She shoves her into the nearest compartment, "Now wait right here, I'm about to get rich."

She said, with a maniacal, triumphant grin.

Chapter Text

As Ron and Harry, followed by Hermione clambered through the portrait hole, they were greeted with a rather odd sight. Mayumi is currently flitting around the common room, collecting gallons, sickles, and knits alike from various rather grumpy looking Gryffindors, looking extremely satisfied with herself.

They did not ask her what was going on.

They daren't.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Harry, Ron and Hermione were all offered some pairs of rather secured looking headphones. She smiles sweetly while blinking, and they took them without hesitation.

Let's say to explain their relief, grateful would've been an understatement.

Chapter Text

"Harry, Harry, Harry," Lockhart shook his head, and was about to continue when a small crunch interrupts him. They blink, and looks to the side to find Mayumi smiling as she threw a popcorn into her mouth, eating it with rather slow, exaggerated chews.

"Please continue." She said, quite pleasantly.

Lockhart flees.

Chapter Text

"I don't think getting your head cut open as a baby makes you that special, myself." Malfoy drawled, smirking. Ron scrawled.

"Eat slugs, Malfoy." He hissed.

"Why Ron, I thought his comment is quite understandable!" Mayumi comments in a mock offended way, "Of course he thought is's nothing special! Weren't he dropped on the head as a baby?"

Those who understood were struggling to rein in their laughter, those who did not, however, looked rather confused.

Malfoy did not get the joke.

Chapter Text

"Ah Professor!" Gilderoy Lockhart jumps at the accented, chirpy voice. "I arrived early just for your class."

"...Ah." Lockhart stutters, "What brings you here?"

"I'm just interested in your lesson, dare I guess," She smirks deviously, "Cornish Pixies?"

The man sweats.

Chapter Text

Mayumi did not look through the quiz just for the sake of it.

But she did, cross out all of them, and instead began scribblling carefully.

Half an hour later, Lockhart chokes when he came across a list of rather well worded threats, and trembles under the cheerful gaze of the girl in the back.

Chapter Text

Harry lunges forwards, trying to catch a pixie that is making faces at him, "Pesky little—" He growled, frustrated.

"Pesky bird!" Mayumi yells, gleefully as she smacks one of the little menaces across the head, as if she knew something they don't.

Chapter Text

"No one asked for your opinion, you filthy little mudblood."

Chaos erupted. The Gryffindors were in an uproar, eager to get their hands around Malfoy's neck. Mayumi marches forward with a cold expression.

"And you, Malfoy." She said dryly, "are a shitty, sorry excuse of a—"

At some point of time, she switched to Japanese, and it took both Fred and George to drag her away.

"—だからうさい, このアホのぶすやりちん, 側溝の中に溺れ死ねでも誰も気にしへんで, あほんだらぶ殺せ!"

Chapter Text

Mayumi frowns as she ruffles through her suitcase, Sam the hawk-owl is waiting impatiently on it's perch by her bed, but then something hit her.

This is the girls' dormitory.

She'd once left it out on her bedside table and left for class.

"ああ, あかん." (Well, oh shit)

Chapter Text

Harry was sitting in the common room, sulking about his detention with Lockhart when Mayumi came stumbling down the stairs, rushing for the portrait hole. She screeched to a stop when she passed him and stuffed an envelope in his hand.

"Give this to Professor Lockhart later, won't you?" She gave him a wry smile, "Now excuse me I need to find Professor McGonagall."

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

"A death day party?" Mayumi asked, with a rather weird expression. "And you're going?"

"Yeah! Aren't you too?, Mayumi? I'd imagine it'll be very interesting!"

"Well," Mayumi looks a little awkward, "Just... bring your own food."

Chapter Text

On the night of Halloween, the four gathered near the dungeons. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at Mayumi, who is busy wrestling something in place.

"...Why did you bring a chicken?" Hermione spoke their minds.

"Safety first." Mayumi hisses, finally grabbing the poor animal by it's talons, dangling it up side down. "Now, shall we go?"

Chapter Text

"Here!" Harry yelled, "Listen!"

Ron and Hermione watched him, confused.

"Can't you hear it-" He blinked, "Mayumi, what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to, get. This. Stupid. Rooster. To. CROW!" She screeched in panic, shaking the poor chicken by the neck. "COM'ON! YOU STUPID THING, CROW!"

The chicken let out a high-pitched whine, and fainted dead away.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

"I just don't understand," Hermione mused, "What kind of monster can petrify someone like that?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure Mayumi knows." Harry pointed out.

"Huh? Why?"

"Well, she knows everything." He pointed out, "I mean, look at last year— Mayumi, you got any idea?" He turned to the girl.

Mayumi is currently armed with a hand mirror, and she had tied a brand new, but very ruffled-looking rooster to her belt by it's talons. Swallowing her bite of the sandwich, the girl tilts her head.

"Wha?"

"Look at her." Ron said, miserably, "Our seer's gone barmy."

Chapter Text

"Have you ever seen spiders act lik— " Hermione was interrupted by a loud hissing noice, and they all jumped to find Mayumi holding a can of Raid in front of her defensively, spraying at the spiders.

"Oh. Mayumi." Hermione started, "Um, Mayumi, they're already dead."

"I hate bugs." She stated, and continued to drown the spiders.

Chapter Text

After his wand fails another time, Ron slammed his textbook shut, Hermione following closely after.

"Who could it be, though?" She said, frustrated, "I have absolutely no idea— and Mayumi, stop transfiguring things into roosters!"

Mayumi spared her a glance, then pouted.

The next day, the entire castle was flooding with roosters, and Mayumi was seen being chased across the grounds by a very furious-looking Hermione.

Chapter Text

"Of course I am!" Ron stated, "Really, I can bet it's Malfoy, that rat-faced little—"

"Ten gallons," Mayumi interrupted, almost gleefully, "that it's not Malfoy!"

Ron looks a little terrified.

"Okay." He gulped, "it's not Malfoy."

Chapter Text

'Dear Professor Lockhart, as you know, I am quite aware of a certain habit and talent of yours. I am sure you would not like to have it exposed, so I have a suggestion that will benefit the both of us...'

Harry found that despite being a big-headed baboon, Lockhart's lessons on memory charms are quite useful.

Chapter Text

"Gryffindor against Slytherins?" Mayumi asked.

"Yeah." Seamus answered, nodding. "I heard the Slytherin team's all got Nimbus 2001s, It'll be a tough game for Gryffindor..."

"Wanna bet?"

"Mayumi," Ron sighed, exasperated. "No one in Gryffindor is stupid enough to bet with you anymore."

Mayumi grins slyly, "Well I guess I'll just have to ask the others." She said, smirking. "Oh goody."

Chapter Text

"Collin?" The young Gryffindor blinked and turned around, only to beam as he found himself looking at one of Harry Potter's close friends.

"You're one of Harry Potter's friends!"

The girl (who isn't much taller than him) smiles, and stuffs a rooster into in arms.

"No matter where you go tonight," She said, "Take him with you."

When Mayumi found a particular rooster running around the common room that night, she groans.

Chapter Text

"So," Mayumi started, "Let me get this straight, you're going to make this Pollyjuice potion anyway, because the hair is definitely Slytherin, and Malfoy probably know something about it?"

They nod.

"And you want me to help blow up someone's potion, so Hermione here can sneak in to steal something." Mayumi sighed, "Why not? I'll have fun."

Chapter Text

"Dueling club, you say?" Hermione asked, "That could be useful..."

"Oh well," Mayumi clasp her hands together in a 'This is good' sort of way, "I'll ask Cedric-senpai to introduce me to some people— I'm going to make lots of money."

She was joined by the Weasley twins on her way out, who are nagging her to let them join.

Chapter Text

"Ready? Three, two, one—"

Both swung their wands up. "Expelliarmus!" Snape snapped and a dazzling flash of red light darted towards Lockhart, throwing him into the air.

Harry cheered as Lockhart was blasted off his feet, Ron following suit. And wheres Hermione looked concerned, a very gleeful-looking Mayumi's busy reaping her reward from several Hufflepuffs with the twins.

Chapter Text

"Ready to be demolished?" Blaise Zabini asked, raising his wand above his head.

"Oh, we'll see." Mayumi replied cheerfully.

About a minute later saw him being chased across the room by a mob of very angry mutated chickens, while Mayumi is busy trying to nail the difficult set of tasks that is cursing in two languages and chanting the spell to turn even more objects into chickens in the same time, while dancing a rather complicated set of tango with poor, poor Neville.

Chaos.

Chapter Text

"Longbottom causes devastation with the simplest of spells." Snape drawled, "We'll be sending what's left of Finch-Fletchley to the hospital wing in a matchbox— How about Malfoy and Potter?" He suggested.

"Well," Mayumi whispers to Ron, "I don't think there will be anything left of either of them if they'd dueled each other!"

Ron looks quite terrified.

Chapter Text

The snake backed off from Justin, who stumbled back, and darted for the other closest target, which just happened to be Mayumi.

There was an ear-piercing screech.

Chickens.

Chapter Text

"Cedric-senpai, I nearly forgot!" Mayumi stuffed a rooster into the startled Hufflepuff's arms, "Give this to Justin, okay?" She paused, "Well that, or I'll just spam it all over the place."

Though his reputation took a hit, Justin does not get attacked.

But when Mayumi remembered that she forgot to warn a certain ghost, she slammed her head on the nearest flat surface.

The floor.

Chapter Text

"Mayumi, you aren't going?" Hermione asked, blinking in surprise.

"Yeah." She wrinkled her nose, "My chickens kept getting killed, I'll need to tranfigure more... Plus, I've got something to work on. With the twins."

She spun on her heels, then casually turned a sink into a rooster.

"Hey, I'm getting really good at this!"

Chapter Text

"Well," Mayumi stated, "There you go, two packs of glitter bombs— And the dye bomb, maybe you can modify it? So that it'll just dye someone's hair or something?"

"Sure will do!" Fred collected the large bag from her, "Now, the name?"

"Hum..." She mused, "Well, Okay. James Potter."

Snatching the map, she fled before they could start screaming.

Chapter Text

Mayumi hummed as she flipped through the map, looking around.

"Painting with trolls... Painting with Trolls... Aha!"

She walks past it three times, then gleefully opens the door, unleashing a lovely army of roosters.

How the basilisk isn't dead, Mayumi has no idea.

Chapter Text

"Well, " Mayumi said, a little too cheerfully, "Good luck, guys."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione nodded, and went into their respective stalls. Outside, Mayumi humms.

"Should I have told Hermione about the cat hair?" She mused, "nah, no harm done."

Chapter Text

"You mean you knew that the heir isn't in Slytherin all this time?!" Hermione fumed, her cat-like eye twitching.

"Well," Mayumi pointed out, "It's not like you'd believe me, right?"

Hermione looks very unhappy about her response, and Harry thinks it's partially because Mayumi was right.

Chapter Text

"...Is that—" Mayumi shut her mouth when Hermione glared at her —she's still grumpy about her withholding information— her red eraser in hand. "Well, Congrats."

"For what?" Ron asks.

"Well, for finding this... fucking thing." She gestures vaguely, "I'm just gonna go scream in a pillow now."

Chapter Text

The day right after Harry told them Hagrid was the one who opened the chamber, Mayumi snuck in the boys dorm.

However, when she finally finds Harry's bed, it was clear that someone had already found it.

She sighs so loud she thinks the entire castle heard her.

"Why do things go wrong when I do want to intervene?"

Chapter Text

Hermione clapped a hand to her forehead, hard, causing them to startle.

"Harry! I-I think I've just understood something! I've got to go to the library!"

With that, she began to run up the stairs, only for Mayumi to run after her, screaming.

"Hermione, Wait!"

Chapter Text

They stare in horror at Hermione's stiff, petrified body. Mayumi is sitting by her bedside, scowling.

"That's it." She hissed, "That's it. I'm flooding the pipes with chickens."

Despite the words not making sense, her tone was so angry Harry didn't thought it'd matter.

Chapter Text

"We'll need to go and talk to him." Harry said, "anyway, where's Mayumi?"

"I dunno, flooding the toilets with chickens?" Ron looked around, "ah, speak of the devil."

Said girl stumbles into the common room, carying two big bags of dog food.

"Here." She stuffs them into their arms, "You can go find Hagrid now— and excuse me, I need to flood the toilets with roosters."

Chapter Text

"I have tolerated your antics for most of this year, but they're getting a little out of hand." Professor McGonnagall sighs, "the pipes in the West wing is completely blocked, clogged full of..." She cleared her throat, "Rooster corpses. We don't need troubles like this, especially during times like these."

Mayumi scowls.

"I'm banning you from preforming this spell, Hirutasu, don't let me see you with another chicken."

The next day, Mayumi borrowed Harry's cloak.

Chapter Text

"Here, your cloak." Mayumi slipped the cloak off her chicken and handed it back to him, "And here, ten cans of Raid— Each." She stuffed two big plastic bags into his arms, "You'll need it."

"What?" Harry blinked, "You aren't coming?"

"Well," She said, matter-of-fact-ly, "I hate bugs."

Chapter Text

"Goodbye, friends of Hagrid." Aragog said, rather lazily, and Harry whirled around to face the wall of spider. He backed away, and Ron jumped in front of him with a can of Raid, spraying madly.

"I've never been so grateful to Mayumi," his best friend huffed, shivering, "Merlin, thank god the muggles invented this!"

Chapter Text

Ron and Harry were both shivering rather violently when they clambered back into the Gryffindor Common Room, where they found Mayumi munching on some caramel brittles, flipping through a comic.

"Oh." She looked up as Harry slipped the cloak off, "back?"

"I should've stayed behind," moaned Ron.

Mayumi, ever the hypocrite, sniggers.

"Whimp."

Chapter Text

Professor McGonnagall took a deep breath.

"I have good news."

"Dumbledore's coming back!"

"You've caught the heir of Slytherin!"

"Quidditch Matches are back on!"

"I can flood the school with chickens again!"

No one needed to ask who yelled the last one. They already know.

Chapter Text

"I'm going to need to borrow your cloak tomorrow, Harry." Mayumi hummed. "And remember, if you get caught sneaking off, you can always play the emotional card and tell people you're off visiting Hermione— now excuse me, Ron, I need to find your brilliant prankster brothers."

Harry blinked after the girl, who'd skipped off to find the twins.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Ron murmured, "A really, really bad feeling."

Chapter Text

Harry watched as Lockhart hurried off, Ron sneering after him.

"Gone to curl his hair, probably." He snorted. "Come on..."

They snuck off, and Mayumi and them parted ways once they'd darted down the side corridor.

"...Good luck." She glanced at them, "I'll... probably see you later."

She then hurried away.

Chapter Text

Mayumi clued on her lower lip as she wandered through the corridors, muttering under her breath.

"If my memory was right..." She glanced down towards the Marauders' Map, "Right here."

She stopped near a large blank wall, and slipped the cloak off. "Now, let's see which unlucky person stole the diary..."

Mayumi walks a little further down the hall, peering around. But then a sharp pain exploded on the back of her head, and she fainted dead away.

Chapter Text

"The crowing of the rooster is fatal to it!" Harry read aloud, "That's why Hagrid's roosters were killed! And— " He groaned.

"What?" Ron tilted his head, then his eyes were blown wide with the realization. "THAT'S why Mayumi's been spamming the castle with chickens!" He whines, "Oh, com'on!"

Chapter Text

"Not another attack, not now?" Ron whispered urgently, "What do we do, go back to the dorms?"

"No," Harry shook his head and began walking towards the closet to their right, "Here, let's hear what this's—"

He then tripped over something on the floor, confused, he picks it up.

"Oh, no." Ron whispered, hoarsely, "Mayumi!"

Chapter Text

"However this girl-" Riddle jerked his head in Mayumi's direction sharply, scowling, "is a nuisance. Transfiguring chickens and roosters everywhere... she even got this diary away from my original target. Probably noticed something was wrong." He snorted, "How, though, I still haven't got a clue."

Harry sighs miserably.

"Don't we all?"

Chapter Text

Mayumi came to in the middle of some kind of screeching, and very, very carefully peeks an eye open, only to be met with the sight of a flailing, very much blind basilisk.

She snakes (pun intended) her hand down to her pocket, and almost smiles with glee when it closes around her wand, and carefully looks around the chamber.

Now, anything I can transfigure?

Chapter Text

Harry gulped, backing away with the silver sword in hand, slashing it wildly. But all a sudden, a red, flailing something hits the snake on the back of its head, and the basilisk screeches, darting away.

He blinks.

"Harry, I'm disappointed!" Mayumi stood, scowling, "Grab the right weapons for the right battle!"

She grins madly, and transfigured another loose piece of rubble into a rooster.

Chapter Text

With the combined efforts of Mayumi tossing chickens absolutely everywhere, Harry's horrible swordsmanship, Fawkes crying, a conveniently broken fang and the basilisk's severe chicken-phobia— appearantly transfigued chickens don't work they just scares it and the mutated part doesn't help at all— the king of serpents was slain, Tom Riddle was no more, and Harry floped onto the ground.

Mayumi, with a grumpy look on her face, trotted over to the basilisk and began pulling at it's scales.

"Mayumi, what the ever loving fuck are you doing?"

She grunts.

"Making money."

Chapter Text

"Another interesting thing," Dumbledore turned his twinkling eyes to Mayumi, who is busy examining her nails, "is how did Miss Hirutasu figure out the monster in the chamber was a basilisk, thus releasing hundreds upon hundreds of these," He gestured vaguely at the chickens flapping around the room, "chickens around the school?"

"I've learned to trust my intuition." Mayumi proudly stated. "I'm rather proud of it!"

She, impressively, ignored the incredulous stares.

Chapter Text

"He tried to do a Memory charm," While Lockhart was busy goofing off, Ron quickly whispered, "with my wand, and it backfired."

"Dear me," Dumbledore shook his head, chuckling, "Impaled upon your own sword, Gilderoy!"

"Karma." Mayumi butts in, grinning, "Muggles call it Karma."

Chapter Text

The feast is quite interesting. Containing the events that are face planting in dishes of desserts, Hermione's 'You solved it! You solved it!', the twins clinging to Mayumi and sobbing dramatically, and exam cancellation announcements.

"Wait." Hermione paused in the middle of cutting her chicken, "Roosters..."

Next to him, Mayumi began to sweat.

"Mayumi." Hermione turned to the girl slowly, a flabbergasted look on her face, "How in the world—"

Mayumi dove under the table, and scarpered.

Chapter Text

"Summer holidays!" Mayumi leans back on her seat, "No adventures! No near death experiences! No Moldy shorts or escaped criminals or werewolves or dementors!"

"Um," Hermione glanced at the girl, "I don't think any of that have happened, Mayumi."

Mayumi waved her hand dismissively, and with a grin, corrected.

"Yet."

Sharing a fearful look, the six passengers of the compartment gulped.

Chapter Text

"Wait, so I'm not supposed to uproot the thing?" Mayumi blinks, they were discussing their herbology homework in his room, and in his entire life, Harry had never felt so tired.

"No. Mayumi, you aren't supposed to uproot anything." He said with exasperation, "Is that why everything just dies around you? That mandrake didn't even scream when you pulled it out."

Mayumi blinks.

"Oh, is that because I banged it on the table a little too hard?" She tilted her head, "That didn't make it shut up though, so I just strangled the thing."

Harry sighs.

Chapter Text

"What's this?"

"Oh, these are Barty Botts' Every Flavour Beans." Mayumi humms, " They seriously have every flavour, ya know, salted caramel, mint, chocolate, but there's also porridge or sprouts or broccoli and I heard there's even ear wax."

Dudley scrunched up his face, and poked at one of the beans before popping one of them in his mouth.

Uncle Vernon looks positively furious when he found Dudley munching on chocolate frogs the day after.

Chapter Text

Harry tore open the wrappings of Mayumi's present, and grinned happily at the moving planetarium 3D model. He won't have to take another astronomy class anymore.

"Oh, and here." Mayumi stuffs a small necklace into his hands, and Harry blinked. It's a small, polished green scale on a black cord. "I made a necklace from the thing's scales." She grinned, "Oh, I made so much out of that snake, I can't even complain!"

"...How much exactly?"

"Oh, well, enough for me to open a vault and fill it."

Chapter Text

"Wait, if all the Weasleys are on holiday, why are you here?"

"Oh, I rented a room in the Leaky Cauldron." She shrugged, "I'll see you there in a week, I guess."

A week later, as Mayumi cheerfully waved to Harry during breakfast, the bespectacled teen looked very unamused.

Chapter Text

"Now, Yuzuro?"

Her cat's ears perked up.

"Now, I want you to run around the school grounds, patrol, keep an eye on things."

The cat purrs.

"If you see a big, black dog, befriend it and tell me— after that I'll give you food to bring to him, okay?"

A yawn.

"Also, if you see Scabbers," A smirk, "Well, just don't kill it."

Chapter Text

Harry gulped and forced his eyes away from the Firebolt, it was beautiful and what he wouldn't give to just have a go on it, really- only to be startle by Mayumi, who had somehow crept up on him.

"If you're thinking about how you have to control yourself and not buy it," She pipped up, "Well, remember that you'll get one soon anyway."

She then skipped away happily, humming a little tune under her breath.

Chapter Text

"How much?"

The manager blinked, and turned around to see a petite auburn-haired girl staring back at him intensely.

"What?"

"How much would you pay," She said, "For a way to tame those?"

She pointed towards the large cage of 'The Monster Book of Monsters', blinking meaningfully.

"Oh, absolutely anything. Just, get them to stop killing each other!"

Mayumi happy skipped back to her room that day, her pouch once again heavier.

Chapter Text

"Why would you take Divination?" Harry frown at the girl across him, who is happily slurping her smoothie, "I mean, I don't see why you need it?"

"Exactly!" She beamed, "Oh, I'll have so much fun messing with everyone!"

She crackles and claps her hands together gleefully. Harry looked towards the ceiling, and sighed.

Of course.

Chapter Text

"If you're thinking about Snuffles," Mayumi pips up, "Don't worry, he is friendly, and definitely not a death omen."

"Huh?" Harry blinked, bewildered, "Snuffles?"

"The dog." Mayumi said, matter-of-fact-ly, "That big, black dog."

"Oh, uh- I didn't know it's called Snuffles?"

"Oh it's not." Mayumi waved dismissively, "He is secretly your godfather and a framed serial killer on the run because of a very nasty rat, but as usual, I'll leave you to figure out the rest of it."

Chapter Text

"Did you really blow up your aunt?" Hermione asked seriously while Ron howled with laughter. Mayumi seems to find her caramel brittles more interesting.

"I didn't mean to— I just lost control."

Finally leaving her brittles be, Mayumi pats him on the back.

"Oh no worries, we all have these little episodes." She comforted, "Me included! But I don't blow up my aunts. I blow up something else." A pause, "Literally."

Ron stopped laughing, and suddenly looked a little too miserable.

"The kitchen." He lamented, "Our poor, poor kitchen."

Chapter Text

"Muggle studies?" Ron asked incredulously, "What are you two taking Muggle Studies for?"

"It'll be fascinating to see how the wizarding world view muggles, wouldn't it?" Hermione said earnestly looking towards Mayumi.

"Oh don't look at me." Mayumi raised her hands in surrender, "I'm just curious whether they know what memes are, that's all."

"...memes?"

"Oh blimey," Ron sighed, "Not those..."

Grin.

Chapter Text

"I don't think Egypt agreed with him." Ron sighed, pulling his pet rat out on the table.

The instant Scabbers was in view, Mayumi began glaring at it.

"Not again, Mayumi." Ron shook his head,"She's convinced that Scabbers is secretly a dark wizard." He explained, "I think she's bet with Bill about this..."

Mayumi rubs her palms together, smirking.

"I'm gonna win this." She chuckled, "You'll see, Ron, you'll see."

She then returned to glaring at poor Scabbers, who trembled under her hateful gaze.

"...I'm not letting Scabbers on my bed any more." Ron stated. "Just in case."

Chapter Text

Harry crept closer, hoping to hear more.

"Good evening," A voice deadpanned, "eavesdropping on Arthur and Molly-san?"

Harry whirled around, startled, and blinked at Mayumi's passive smiling face. The gray-eyed girl raised an eyebrow, then casually skipped past him and into the shadows on the landing.

"Oh, and," Mayumi pokes her head out, "If you ever see Snuffles, be nice."

Chapter Text

"Here you go." The twins handed her the stack of parchment, "And now, the name?"

"Remus Lupin." She grinned, tucking the map away. "Oh, you are going to be so surprised."

"Well,"

"Anyway,"

"If you don't mid us asking,"

"What will you be using it for?"

"Just a few side projects." She waved dismissively.

Chapter Text

Ron stared incredulously at Mayumi's luggage.

"What?" Mayumi blinked at him, "Anything wrong with my luggage?"

"...Do you really need that much chocolate?" He asked, pointing at the full duffel bags of chocolate bars, coco balls, and of course, chocolate-covered caramel brittles.

"Well, not only me, you'll eventually need it too."

"...I'm going to go get some."

Chapter Text

"Well, I hope he's up to it," Ron said, doubtfully, "He looks like a good hex'd finish him off."

"You might be surprised." Mayumi hums, "He's got a furry little problem, but he's cool."

The three shared a look.

"...If you say so."

Chapter Text

When Malfoy entered their compartment, Mayumi was— despite Hermione's constant shushing— loudly slurping her milk cartons.

"Well, look who it is." Malfoy lazily drawled, ignoring the Japanese, "Potty and the Weasel."

"Well look who it is," Taking a leaf from Mayumi's book, Ron said loudly, "ferret and its trolls."

Mayumi finally stops slurping her milk cartons, and gave a horrified gasp.

"Ron!" She clenched the front of her hoodie, "That's so mean! What did ferrets ever do to you!"

Her tone was so genuinely upset, Harry forgot to laugh.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

The lights of the train goes out.

"Oh, boo..." Mayumi pouted (Well at least, she sounded like she did), and after a short rustle and the sound of something getting unzipped, then proceeded to rapidly munch on something.

"...Mayumi, what are you doing?"

"Uwecausons." She said through a mouthful of something, "'an' om'?"

Chapter Text

"A dementor." Lupin said, "One of the dementors of Azkaban."

They blink.

"Mayumi," Ginny said, rather dazed, "Why... Wha..." She paused, gathering her thoughts as she recovered from her dementor-induced panic, "How?"

"You get used to it after a while." Ron patted his sister on the shoulder, comfortingly.

Poor Professor Lupin looked so confused.

Chapter Text

"I felt weird." Ron said, shifting in his chair, "Like I could never be cheerful again..."

A loud slurping noise interrupts him, and they whirl around to see Mayumi, mouth around the straw of one of her milk cartons.

"Wanna bet?" She raised an eyebrow, "Now, eat your chocolate."

Chapter Text

"Firstly, Professor Rumus Lupin, who had kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Amist the lukewarm applause here were two loud, simultaneous gasps from behind them. Harry looked around, and found the Weasley twins staring at Professor Lupin with wide, starstruck eyes.

Next to him, Mayumi chuckles.

Chapter Text

"Don't be silly," Hermione scoffed, "Of course I won't be in three classes at once."

"But—" Ron started, and Mayumi sighs.

"So you're like taking turns?" She pointed out, "something like on one Monday you're taking these, and the next you're taking the other."

Hermione blinked at her, and Mayumi winks.

Later, the bushy haired girl found a note stuck in one of her text books.

'I'm covering for you, but only because it's hilarious. P.S. You owe me one.'

Chapter Text

"Hey Potter!" On their way out the Great hall, Pansy Parkinson screeches, "Potter! The Dementers are coming! Wooooooo!" She sneered, and several Slytherins around her crackled.

"Ah, Mr Malfoy." Mayumi stepped forwards, and said in a false, dignified tone, "Control your minions."

"We aren't minions," Crabbe protested.

The gray-eyed girl regarded him like he had the intaligence of an insect. "... Hell spawns." She corrected.

It took a moment for them to realise 'hell spawns' couldn't possibly mean any better than 'minions' and another to start yelling in outrage.

Mayumi smiled.

Chapter Text

The knight in the painting cheered and ran away, Mayumi looks rather fond as she waved him goodbye.

"Yeah we'll call you." Ron muttered, "If we ever need someone mental."

Mayumi shot Ron an offended look.

"Excuse me?" She pouted, looking a little outraged, "What am I, chopped liver?"

Chapter Text

"I must warn you that if you do not have the sight, there is very little I will be able to teach you. Books can only take you so far in this field..."

Harry and Ron both chuckled at Hermione's startled look, while Mayumi scoffed.

"Lies." Leaning over, she muttered in their ears, "Trust me. Books are a mighty help— you just need the right ones."

"And those are?"

"Famous Children's Fantasy Novels."

"...Nevermind."

Chapter Text

"...What do you see in my cup?" Hermione asked, glancing up at her.

"Tea leaves." Mayumi replied nonchalantly, not even looking at said cup. "But I know for a fact that you're going to break a few laws this year, Hermione, and get away with it."

Hermione glanced at her fearfully, and returned to Mayumi's teacup.

Chapter Text

"My dear," Professor Trelawney gasped, "You have the Grim."

Most occupants of the room clasped their hands over their mouths with horror. Professor Trelawney pushed herself upright, terrified.

"The grim, my dear, the grim!" She cried, "My dear boy, this is an omen- the worst omen- of death!"

"Oh no worries." Mayumi pips up, too cheerful for the air of this room. "That's Just Snuffles— and Harry's not dying this year, not yet. But anyway it's not like he won't come back to life. Dude's harder to kill than a cockroach!"

Chapter Text

"Harry," Ron gulped, "You haven't seen a giant black dog anywhere, have you?"

"Yeah, I have." Harry replied.

"But that's Snuffles." Mayumi interrupted with a frown.

"Snuffles?"

"Oh he's secretly a framed serial killer on the run because of a rat." Mayumi shrugs, "He also cares about Harry a lot, so no worries that ain't a Grim."

Chapter Text

"I think Divination seems very woolly." Hermione said in a cool tone. "A lot of guess work, if you ask me."

"Well, what about Mayumi, then?" Ron gestures violently towards the girl, "there's nothing woolly about her predictions, are there?"

"Excuse me," Mayumi gives Ron a flat look, "I definitely haven't been using Divination." She paused, "If I did, I'd be poor."

"Then what are you using?!" Ron demands.

"A good memory and the qualities of a nerding fangirl."

Chapter Text

"Hasn'..." Hagrid looked around nervously, "hasn'... Anyone bin able to open their books?"

The class all shook their heads.

"Awww, who's a good boy, you are, you are!"

The class turned around to find Mayumi, kneeling in front of her book, which is nuzzling into her as she scratched it like a dog.

"Com'ere, ya big fluff, awww, that's it!"

"Only her, really." Ron sighed, "only her..."

Chapter Text

"psssst- psssst! Hey! Malfoy!"

The blond glares at her. "What, Hirutasu?" He hissed angrily.

"If you don't want to end up in the hospital wing," she smirked, "do not insult hippogriffs."

He insulted hippogriffs.

Chapter Text

"and sir, I need this Shrivelfig skinned." Malfoy said loudly, his voice almost gleeful.

"Potter—"

"Oh Harry won't, professor, as you say, he 'isn't capable of taking care of two potions at once' right?" Mayumi pips up happily, "so I'll help him skin them!"

Fearful glances were shared, Gryffindor lost ten points, but Harry though it was all worth it when the Shrivelfig Mayumi touched blew Malfoy's potion into smithereens.

Chapter Text

"who knows if my arm will ever be the same again?" Malfoy said, in a false, lamenting voice.

"Malfoy," Mayumi pips up, " How well versed are you in the medical field?"

"Huh- what does that have to do with anything?"

"If you don't know anything about healing, how would you know your arm wouldn't be the same?" Mayumi blinks innocently. "Are you relying on daddy dearest to deal with everything, while you play the damsel in distress, Snow White?"

Harry snorted.

Chapter Text

A little after lunch, Hermione rushes off to her next class. Tugging her text book out, she blinked as a note fell out.

'Dear Hermione, please take breaks between lessons. Don't mess up your internal clock too much. -Mayumi. P.S. I've stuffed some energy bars and quick snacks in your luggage, please bring them with you tmr.'

Chapter Text

"what do you reckon it would've turned into if you'd faced the boggart, Mayumi?" Ron wondered, "a lost bet?"

Mayumi blinked.

"Oh, nah." She waved it off, "there's nothing scarier than med school finals."

"But Mayumi, we're 13," Hermione pointed out. "you aren't even qualified for medical school."

Mayumi blinks.

"But," she said, frowning, "I'm 27?"

Chapter Text

"CATCH THAT CAT!" Ron roared, leaping onto his feet as Crookshanks sprang over the table and chased after the terrified rat. Mayumi had lunged onto her feet, and is cheering loudly.

"GO, CROOKSHANKS!" She cheered, "Catch that filthy death eater!"

Strange glances were shot her way, but Mayumi is too busy crackling to notice.

Chapter Text

"Harry, it's okay." Hermione comforted, "We'll all buy loads back for you, promise!"

"Yeah." Ron agreed, "between the three of us we'll be able to bring back everything in for you."

"Yeah." Harry said gloomily, "But I won't even get to see what the shop looks like."

"Nonsense." Mayumi waves dismissively, "I'll take loads of selfies for ya so quit sulking— plus," She smirks, "It's not like you won't get to go there this year, just you wait."

That prediction significantly lightened Harry's mood— Mayumi has never been wrong before.

Chapter Text

Ron was happily munching on his armful of junk food and various treats while Mayumi was chewing on chunkfuls of nougat, her milk cartons in hand.

"What do you reckon we should bring Harry?" Ron asked through his mouthful of candy, "Hey- what about those?"

He pointed towards a cart full of ice mice, and Mayumi shook her head.

"Better get him some of-" She grinned, and grabbed one of the lick-O-rish spiders, which wriggled in her hand, "These."

She thrust it right in front of Ron, who with a mouthful of Chocoballs, screeched, spitting the contents all over Mayumi.

"Oh com'on!"

Chapter Text

Hermione shivered as they passed the Dementors, while Ron gulped. Mayumi on the other hand, just kept stuffing her mouth full with chocolate.

"Oh," she suddenly perks up, "Right- later if Harry tells you that Snape bought Lupin something to drink and Lupin still drank it, it's not poisoned."

They shared a glance, and despite their suspicions, did not question it.

Chapter Text

"Here ya go." Mayumi passed him her phone, "Selfies."

Harry eagerly took the girl's phone, and swiped through many different photos of Mayumi posing in front of different buildings, pretending to be trying to pluck them up, poking at the ceiling, and... covered in chocolate?

"Mayumi, why were you covered in chocolate?"

At this, Ron gave the girl a dirty look, and Mayumi shrugs.

"Meh."

Chapter Text

After Harry told Ron and Hermione all about the goblet Snape bought Lupin, he didn't expect their lack of reaction. Instead the two began glancing at one another, then looked over towards Mayumi.

"Well..." Ron started, "Is it really not poison, Mayumi?"

"Oh rest assured." Mayumi waves dismissively, "It's not."

"...Alright." Hermione sighed in defeat, "We'll trust you for now."

Chapter Text

Mayumi hums as she finished another piece of pumpkin pie, licking her lips. Then, as she looked out towards the windows, something brushes against her ankles.

"Hello Yuzuro," She scratches her cat under the chin, offering him a piece of turkey, "You found him?"

The cat let out a trilling meow of affirmation, and Mayumi smiles before grabbing a large piece of the turkey and giving it to her cat.

"Give this to Snuffles, would you?"

The cat eyes the meat, takes it from her, and with the large piece of meat dangling from his mouth, jogged off.

Chapter Text

Sirius laid under the tree, shivering slightly in his dog form. His fur had provided some warmth, but it the late autumn air is chilly and cold. He shreddered again, and was about to roll over to sleep when paw steps sounded.

He blinks and perks up to see a large, brown cat jogging his way, a large piece of turkey dangling from it's mouth. It stopped in front of him, dropped the turkey, and sat down primly in front of him.

It paws at the turkey, then pointed towards him, as if saying: Eat.

Chapter Text

Harry stood up to leave, following the crowd, hoping to get back into his bead earlier.

"I wouldn't bother." Mayumi pipes up, and the trio turns to look at her, "We'll end up back here anyways, so we should probably go last."

Dirty looks were shot her way later on.

Chapter Text

"Harry?" Mayumi said absentmindedly one morning, "You should probably keeper an eye on the time today, we've got a rather unpleasant substitute teacher today for DADA." Her tone was sulky and down as she stabbed her potatoes violently with her fork, pouting.

Harry was not surprised to see Snape in the classroom later.

Chapter Text

Harry struggled to keep his rage in check as Snape stalked across the room, chiding their work and taking away points whenever possible.

"... that's incorrect, the kappa is more commonly found in Mongolia..." Snape commented nastily as he walked past Mayumi's notes, and with that she snapped.

"Well I'm from Japan, have you ever been to Japan? No." She snarled, scowling. "So shut the hell up I should know this better than you, who is a little kid who don't even know how to let go of a grudge."

She lost them twenty points and got detention, but the rapid color change of Snape's face was plesant enough to make up for it.

Chapter Text

"Hey Cedric-senpai?"

"Yeah?"

"Graveyards?"

Cedric sighs, "Hide, right?"

"Oh, and there's gonna be Dementors at the match tomorrow," She paused, "Would you prefer to catch a snitch or falling boy?"

"What?"

He catches a falling boy.

Chapter Text

Harry picked up one of the dozen pieces of splintered wood, a lump in his throat.

"*Cough*" Someone cleared their throat, and Harry looked to the side to see Mayumi, who looked surprisingly calm, "I did say you're going to get another broomstick, right?" She said tentatively, "Diagon alley?"

Chapter Text

"It's OK!" Hermione said, smiling, and they sighed with relief as they saw Professor Lupin back at work, albeit looking tired and sickly.

"Hello professor!" Mayumi chirps happily, "Hope you're okay, how's your furry little problem doing?"

Professor Lupin trips over his own robes and splutters, staring wide eyed at Mayumi.

"Why are you always so cryptic?" Ron asked miserably, "Can't you just come out and say it straight?"

Chapter Text

"Harry, it's okay." Hermione comforted, "And Mayumi already said so, right? You might get to go this year, smile!"

At that, Mayumi grins.

"Smile! Sweet! Sister! Sadistic! Surprise! Service! We are Stile!"

She then proceed to jump and skip and sing loudly in Japanese, spinning a very disgruntled Yuzuro in her arms happily.

No one was surprised. This happens everyday.

Chapter Text

"Fred, George," Mayumi said nonchalantly, the day before Hogsmeade, "You're planning to give Harry the map, right?"

The twins shared a look.

"Um,"

"Make sure to tell him about his dad, 'Kay? He deserve to find out sooner— Please don't mention me at all, though."

Judging from the greatful looks sent her way while they were in Hogsmeade, they did.

Chapter Text

"Ah! Yuzuro! Just in time," head pats were earned for his timeliness, "Hey, do you mind dragging Sirius to the forest near the Shirking Shack tomorrow?"

A purr.

"Great!" Mayumi clasp her hands together, "Now, Take this to him the poor puppy needs more to eat."

Chapter Text

"Harry," As she took a large sip of her butterbeer, Mayumi said, calmly, "Whatever you over hears later, take it with a grain of salt— most of that is false." She stood up, "Also, you should probably hide. Now excuse me I need to visit Snuffles."

With that, she sweeps out of The Three Broomstick, right as Professor McGonagall and Flictwick to enter.

Chapter Text

Sirius is feeling a little disgruntled. The cat had sized him by his paw and dragged him halfway across the forest, almost near the Shirking Shack. He huffed and sat in the snow, ears perking up with alarm as he heard footstep approaching.

"Ah! Yuzuro!" A petite, auburn haired girl steps into view, shivering slightly. "You bought Snuffles, great." She pulls out some kind of muggle instant food and glanced at him.

"You should turn back ya know." She tilted her head, "I'm not letting you eat anything if you don't help out, Mr Padfoot."

Cue gaping.

Chapter Text

"Wait, you're not staying for Christmas?" Ron blinked.

"Nope!" Mayumi chirps, slurping on her milk carton.

"Then what are you doing?"

"I have some... ah," She paused, "errands to run,"

To be precise, Mayumi is raiding a graveyard.

Chapter Text

"Dobby? Dobby!"

"Miss is calling Dobby?"

"Ah! Perfect! Dobby is it possible for me to hire you for a short term? I need your help." A hand extended in front of the elf, "Is this enough for a week?"

"Of course, miss, Dobby is at your service!"

"Alright! First, I need to get my hands on some pig bones."

Internal cackling.

Chapter Text

'Dear Harry,

I'm not sure if you're angsting over Black, but I'd suggest you not to. It's not very beneficial.

Moreover, don't worry, I'm definitely paying Lucius Malfoy a visit regarding Buckbeak. (I'll be sure to tell him that Dobby send his love)

Tell Hagrid I'm sorry about the flobberworms.

P.S. Please don't feed Sam any bacon, he stole my caramels so he's on diet.

Love,

Mayumi'

"How is she doing this?!" After their visit to Hagrid's, Ron yanks at his hair, "Why does she always know everything?!"

Chapter Text

Mayumi sighed as she wipes the sweat from her brows, looking rather satisfied with the pile of bones.

"Now, Dobby?"

Mayumi chuckles as Dobby snapped his fingers and the pig bones arranged itself into the coffin neatly, before the pile of dirt falls back into place.

Oh, Moldyshorts is in for a surprise.

Chapter Text

"Harry broke his broom, right?" Sirius asked, ripping a large piece out from his ham.

"Yeah." Mayumi looked up, "You gonna buy him a new one?"

"I suppose..." He mused. "A Firebolt I guess? I do have a 12 missed birthdays to make up for..."

"Oh well." Mayumi shrugged, "Give me the money and I'll buy it for you."

"Thanks."

Chapter Text

Merry Christmas Harry,

Do you like the Firebolt? I bought it for you— not my money nor a present from me though— And no it's not from a serial killer, chill, Hermione. My presents for you guys though, should be arriving soon. Hey, did Ron liked his 'A History of the Chudley Cannons' and the mousetraps? :D

I'm currently stranded somewhere grave raiding, not sure if I can finish in time for the train.

Don't feed Sam any bacon.

Fluffy cats,

Mayumi

P.S. Dobby says Hi

P.P.S. YOU STILL OWE ME A BROOMSTICK, POTTER. :(

Chapter Text

Lucius Malfoy yanked the door to his manor open, a haughty frown on his face, only be be greeted by a large firecracker to the face.

"DOBBY SEND HIS LOVE!" Screeched a familiar female voice, there was a loud cackling, then a pop, then silence.

Three seconds later, dye bombs began exploding all over the manor, scaring the life out of everyone.

Said incident was coincidentally captured by a certain reporter, and showed up on the Daily Prophet next morning.

Chapter Text

"Hiya guys!" Mayumi waved cheerfully, hopping into the common room. Hermione is sitting next to Harry and Ron, who are examining the firebolt. "Oh great, you're all still friends, the Firebolt's still here, and no one is crying!"

"...Why would that happen?"

Mayumi blinks.

"Why did you think I sent you that card?"

While fleeing, Mayumi had to doge a flying book, two mousetraps, and three beanbags.

Chapter Text

"GET BACKHERE YOU LITTLE IMP!" Mayumi screeches as she chased the salamander across the grass, which left behind a trail of fire and destruction. "NO!"

"...Should we help?" Harry whispered to Ron.

"Nah," A pause, "Let her suffer for a while."

Hermione shot them a look of disapproval, but otherwise did not protest.

Payback.

Chapter Text

One Thursday morning, Harry was having breakfast when Mayumi suddenly perks up.

"Oh, right, that's today..." She muttered, "...Charm, right? Huh, wonder what I'll get."

"...What are you talking about?" Hermione frowned.

Mayumi ignored her.

'I swear if I get a crane I'm not impressed, seriously..." She huff, "The sandalwood wand's already bad enough..."

"Oi don't ignore me!"

Chapter Text

"Before you go, Harry." Mayumi tugs at Harry's sleeve just before he's supposed to leave for Lupin's lesson, "A Patronus is NOT Hagrid with a club."

He is not impressed.

Chapter Text

Ron tossed the long ginger cat hairs onto the table, and Mayumi swiftly snatches them off.

"...Cut." She said briefly after examining the ends, "The hairs are cut. Plus, Scabbers isn't dead, that I can tell you." She scrawled at this however, like she's particularly displeased with Scabbers being alive at all.

Chapter Text

Despite his trust in Mayumi's prediction abilities, Ron still doesn't believe that Scabbers is alive. Well, partially because Mayumi had always hated Scabbers.

"What about your cat?!" Ron had accused, "Did your cat eat him then?"

"Nonsense," Mayumi slurps her milk carton loudly, "I gave precise orders to Yuzuro— I don't care what he does to him, just don't kill him."

"Plus," She added like an after thought, "You'll regret that later."

Chapter Text

"I bet that Slytherin will narrowly win against Ravenclaw."

"...Seriously? Slytherin?"

Mayumi signed off a lot of bets that day, and won a lot of cash the next.

Chapter Text

"Wait you actually bet on someone, and that someone being Malfoy, Flint, Crabbe, and Goyle, interrupting the match dressed as dementors?" Neville asked with wide eyes, "And WON?!"

"Well you saw what happened." Mayumi said nonchalantly, handing her cat Yuzuro a large piece of ham, "Now, take this to Snuffles, would you?" The cat purred and trotted away with her tail waving high in the air.

Chapter Text

The party was Chaos.

Fred and George snuck them armfuls of sweets from Honeydukes, Mayumi was singing 'We are the Champion' top volume, and is doing some kind of dance across the room.

"Oh god." Ron groaned as the twins joined her, "They've been doing that non-stop ever since they learned it from her, this 'Fortnight Dancing'."

Chapter Text

"If Scabbers haven't been eaten, he could have had some of the Fudge Flies, he used to really like them— "

Hermione bursted into tears, and next to Harry, Mayumi's face hardened like stone. Just as Hermione rushed out of the door, Mayumi power walked forwards, and crumbled her milk carton into a ball before tossing it at Ron, nailing him in the forehead.

"Wha- What was that for?!"

"For being a— "

By the end of that, several first years were traumatized.

Chapter Text

When Yuzuro the cat comes trotting through the trees tonight, Sirius sat up, wagged his tail in greeting and immediately began wolfing down the ham he bought.

Midway, he noticed that on Yuzuro's name tag, a small piece of paper was stuck to it and it read:

'Dear Sirius,

Please do not come barging into the Gryffindor dorms tonight.

-Mayumi'

Chapter Text

"Hello, Ron," Mayumi greeted the boys, "Slept well?"

"...Why is your tone so sadistic?"

"That's because I'm mad." She smiled and clasped her hands together, "Now you have one day to work up a proper apology before I'll join forces with your brilliant twin brothers and use my prophetic abilities to make your life an absolute hell."

Blanching, Ron fled down the corridor, probably to find Hermione.

Chapter Text

"You're going to Hogsmeade again next weekend?" Mayumi frowns.

"Harry, you can't!" Hermione bit her lower lip, "Black is still out there, I heard he's been sighted in a graveyard during Christmas, and lately people's seen him nears Hogsmeade!"

Mayumi suddenly looks a little awkward. "Well," She started, "Harry's be fine, mostly, just... if you take your cloak along, please be careful."

Harry takes his cloak along, does not be careful, and during the most epic mud-ball fight a floating head appears.

Chapter Text

"You mean, from Mr Wormtail or one of these people?" Lupin said, "Harry, do you know any of these men."

Well, Prongs was his dad but that wouldn't really help out the situation.

A knock.

Mayumi come strolling into the office, and beams shamelessly at them.

"Hi Harry!" She chirps, "Just got back to Hogwarts— I bought a ton of sweets and I've gave Snuffles his ham." Lupin seems to stiffen at the name, "Oh, you still keeping that prank parchment you got for Christmas from the twins? What are you even doing with it?"

Chapter Text

"Buckbeak's lost his case, haven't he?" Mayumi said sympathetically.

Hermione nods and holds out a damp, tear-stained letter. Harry quickly read through it, and Mayumi sighs.

"Well, no worries," She said lightly, "Buckbeak will be fine in the end."

"Really?" Ron glanced at her, "Well then, I don't think we have anything to worry about!"

Chapter Text

"Harry, you better beat him in the quidditch finals!" Hermione said shrilly, "You just better had, because I can't stand it if Slytherin win!"

With that, she whirs around and began making her way up the staircase.

"Oh man." Mayumi breathed, "I've been waiting to. See that for four years." She grins, "Epic."

Harry suddenly feels a little frightened of Mayumi's abilities.

Chapter Text

"Oh man..." Ron groaned into his parchments and piles of books, "What kind of holiday is this?! There is so much homework!"

Mayumi on the other hand, doesn't seem fazed, and is instead sqribbling into her notebooks.

"Mayumi, how are you handling this?" Ron rolls over and looks at her, burnt out.

"I've had worse," She glanced at Ron, smiling wryly, "you guys really should try Japanese junior highschools..."

Chapter Text

The Slytherin vursus Gryffindor Match is up soon, and Mayumi, as usual, had opened her own betting pool.

"You really should stop," Hermione commented as she spotted Mayumi egging several Slytherin first and second years on, "This isn't... morally correct."

"How much do you make anyway?" Ron asked.

"Oh, just a little over twenty gallons per week." She shrugs, grinning. "If there's a Quidditch match, about several hundred."

"Merlin, Mayumi, I'm in."

"Ron!" Hermione gasped, scandalized. But Ron is already walking away with Mayumi, who is hissing her predictions into Ron's ear.

Chapter Text

"...What did you bet on this time?" Seamus asked, sounding tired.

"Seamus, this is amazing." Ron said while counting his wins, "Mayumi said a Gryffindor fourth-year and a Slytherin sixth-year is going to get in a fight and end up with vegetables growing from their ears, and it happened!"

"I even know that it'll be leeks," Mayumi hums, "but I can't be too specific— Hey, Do you know that the two Slytherin beaters are going to crash into eachother in the match?"

"Got it." Ron salutes and hops off the couch, probably to gather more bets.

Chapter Text

"But seriously, what did you bet on?" Hermione asked as Ron arranged his signed bets, "That's... a lot of paper."

Ron snorts. "Well, you should look at Mayumi's." He jabbed a thumb at the girl, "Her bets are totally nuts."

"Well, I got a bunch of Slytherins into betting whether Gryffindor would win or lose the Quidditch cup," Mayumi stops biting on the end of her pen and flipped through her binder again, "Then I bet on the fouls, who's going to hit who with a club, who's elbowing who, and who's going to grab whose broomstick."

Chapter Text

They return to the common room is complete chaos, Wood is still sobbing, Ron is cheering everyone's ears off, and the twins, haveing learnt Mayumi's antics, kept 'yeeting' objects and marching around like cowboys. Even Hermione is grinning. While Mayumi...

"Hey, where is Mayumi?" Hermione asked, looking around, "Usually she's be here..."

"I'm back~" Mayumi's cheeky voice came from the portrait hole, she is carrying two big duffel bags of pouches full of coins. "Hey! Ron! Fred! George! Do you want your winnings or not!?"

Those three shared a look, and scrambled to the girl.

Chapter Text

Fresh into Summer, Harry, Ron, and Hermione are sitting in the courtyard, enjoying the sun. Mayumi is no where to be seen, and Hermione is looking around for the girl.

"Seriously," She huffed, "Where is she off to, now? Riding the Giant Squid?"

"No, Hermione," Ron whined, "don't jinx it..."

"Too late." Harry pointed at the lake, "Look."

At the lake, as an enourmous squid launched itself across the surface dramatically, a small, red-haired female is clenching onto it's tentacles, screeching.

Hermione stood and power walked away, Ron groans miserably, and Harry just... went along with it.

Chapter Text

The exams has arrived, and Mayumi seems quite excited for for the DADA one. She was partially vibrating with excitement back at the starting line, and had partially skipped her way through the course, cackling whenever she dealt with a creature, then finally, reached the boggart.

A minute later she emerged, looking terrified and shaken but scowling. When they asked her what she'd seen, she didn't answer, and instead grumbled something like 'Med Finals' and shivered.

Chapter Text

Mayumi carefully snuck inside Snape's office, glancing around cautiously before she snatched the bubbling goblet of smoking liquid, shoved the closest thing she can touch into the cauldron, before running away, grinning like a mad man.

Behind her, the classroom exploded.

Chapter Text

Meanwhile, Hermione is nearing the witch's statue, tapping it with her wand, she hissed.

"Descendio!" The statue retracted slowly, revealing an opening. She hopped inside, only to freeze as she saw a figure standing there.

"Yo Hermione." Mayumi waved cheerfully, "Remember how I said you owe me one for covering for you? Now," She leaned forward, "I need to borrow your time turner later, do you mind?"

"What?! But that's illegal—"

"Life and death, I promise."

"...Fine."

Chapter Text

Mayumi no.1 entered the dorms, humming nonchalantly, and placed several items into her duffle bag before exiting, she headed up to the seventh floor, and after pacing around for a little, entered a door that appeared out of nowhere.

Inside was a large room with multiple things that resembled portals, and the girl grins.

Meanwhile, Mayumi no.2 enters, takes the duffle bag, and leaves, skipping happily.

Chapter Text

When they met up outside the dining hall to get to Hagrid's Mayumi strangly had a duffle bag with her.

"...Why do you have that with you?" Hermione eyed the bag suspiciously.

"Some sleeping drought, a rat cage, some ham, and a thermal bottle, nothing much." She shrugged. "You'll thank me later."

Chapter Text

"Ron! I don't believe it, it's Scabbers!"

Ron gaped at her, Mayumi narrowed her eyes.

Hermione carried the milk jug over and turned it upside down, and the rat fell out with a frantic squeak. Mayumi's hand shot out, and she held the rat tightly in her grasp, before she ran off.

"Wait, Mayumi, what the—"

Without much of a choice, the trio dashed after the girl.

Chapter Text

Mayumi no.1 watched the pen like a hawk. She watched as the trio and herself dashed out of the little hut, and smiled as the executioner, Fudge, and Dumbledore entered the hut.

She waited, and waited, then dashed out into the pen, ducked low into a bow, then after he bowed back, she untied Buckbeak.

"Hey, Bucks," She hissed and slid onto Buckbeak's back, "Wanna go for a flight?"

Before she could answer, Buckbeak gave a mighty flap of his wings and it's all she could do to not scream and curse her head off.

Chapter Text

The three huffed and gasped for air as Mayumi stopped near the Whomping Willow, and blinks with confusion as Mayumi shoves Scabbers into Ron's hands.

"What in the world are you doing, Mayumi?!" Hermione said through her panting, "Running off like that..."

"Oh, just trying to keep things intact." She hums nonchalantly, "Now incoming!"

Seconds later, Ron is screeching in rage as a large black dog dragged him in through the hole under the Whomping Willow.

"...Least he didn't break a leg." Mayumi hums.

Chapter Text

"Mayumi, stop it!" Harry hissed furiously, "I know you said you know the dog, but at this rate he's going to eat him!"

"Oh, nah." Mayumi shrugs, "Crookshanks should be here any second..."

True to her words, Crookshanks darted out of nowhere, and pressed his paw to a knot on the roots, which seemed to immobilize the tree.

"Coming?" Mayumi tilted her head, blinking.

Chapter Text

"Not a dog," Ron gulped, "Harry, it's a trap—"

"What?"

Behind them, Mayumi gasp dramatically, and covers her mouth with one hand, the other pointing towards the man standing in the corner.

"Sirius Black!" She gasps, her hand going to her forehead, "Are you—" She grins, "Serious?"

Crickets.

Chapter Text

"You were with HIM?!" Harry asked, eyes wide.

"Wait a sec, would you?" The girl rolled her eyes, "Old Snuffles here—"

"Oi."

"— is framed, and Lupin should be here any second—" She looked at her watch, "Aha."

Rapid footsteps, then the door busted open in a shower of sparks.

"Professor!" Mayumi cheers, "Just in time." She fished out a thermal bottle and stuffs it into the man's hand, "Drink."

Chapter Text

"Now that everything's fine and settled." Mayumi clasps her hands together in the confusion, "I'll hand you two the stage, so explainations, explainations."

Lupin and Sirius shared a glance, Hermione looks between enraged and confused, and Harry has no idea what he is feeling. Ron looks blank.

"Why aren't any of you talking?" Mayumi tilts her head, "Com'on, I even prepared popcorn for the drama!"

Chapter Text

"..is an animagus, by the name of Peter Pittigrew." Black concluded quietly.

There was silence, then Ron turned to look at Mayumi, who is busy stuffing her mouth full of caramel popcorn.

"How much does Bill owe you now?" He ask blankly.

"Just about 30 gallons." Mayumi hums happily, "Told ya."

Chapter Text

As Lupin struggled to restraint Black, Mayumi casually strolled in front of Ron, plucked the flailing rat out from his hands, then began force feeding some kind of liquid from a vail.

"Now, now, none of you kills this scum." The girl hums as Scabbers— or maybe Peter Pittigrew, fell over asleep in her hand, "Now, if the plot went like it was Snape should be here right now but I blew his office up so-" She tossed then shoved the rat in the two men's face, "Turn him back then let's be done with it."

Chapter Text

After a moment, Peter Pittigrew vanishes and Scabbers lay in his place again. and Mayumi scoops him up and drops him in her rat cage.

"Now," She claps her hands together, "Buckbeak is waiting for us in the forest, so shall we?"

"What?" Harry and Sirius ask, simultaneously.

"Well Sirius's got to go somewhere meanwhile, right?" She rolled her eyes, "Go take a flight or something, re-lax."

Chapter Text

"Here ya go, Ham." Mayumi shoves the plastic bag into Black's hands, "Now get on."

They turned a corner, and there's Buckbeak.

"Wha-" Hermione gaped, looking at Mayumi, then at Buckbeak and back. "What the... Mayumi?"

"Oh, well, get on now, hip-pity hop." Mayumi pats Buckbeak on the back with a smile, "And we," She gestures at everyone except for Black, "Will deal with him."

With that, she jabs at Scabbers and turns on her heel, humming happily.

Chapter Text

"Oh, Hermione? A word please." Mayumi dragged Hermione aside, "So, the thing."

Three seconds later Hermione returned with Mayumi's duffel bag, and Mayumi skips towards them, looking kinda exhausted from a totally different different direction.

"Hey guu-yawn-uys." She yawns, "Hey Hermione, thanks, I'll take my bag now." She smiles wryly, "Let's go, shall we?"

Chapter Text

Harry, Hermione and Ron followed after Mayumi as she casually strolled back into the castle, (Lupin is off in the forest right now) and just knocked on Professor McGonagall's office.

"Good evening Professor McGonagall!" She chirped as their head of house opened the door, "This rat is an animagus named Peter Pittigrew, he is a serial killer that framed Black. Please turn him back."

The next day, Black was declared innocent and the scum rat is in jail.

Chapter Text

On the train, the three glanced at eachother, unsure what to say to the humming, caramel munching girl across them. Then Ron cleared his throat into the awkward silence.

"So I'm guessing." He started, "that you knew all along?

Mayumi glanced up from the other side of the compartment, scratched the back of her head, and grinned sheepishly.

Ron burries his face in his hands, Harry shrugged, and Hermione turned away, and under her breath, muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'nuisance'.

Then a little owl crash landed.

Chapter Text

Harry was thrilled to find that, when he exited through the barriar and stepped onto the Muggle platform, Sirius was there waiting for him.

"Harry!" His godfather greeted with a grin, " a little imp told me some details about your home life... So I'm coming along for a visit!"

Behind him, Mayumi made a terrible attempt at whistling.

Chapter Text

Sirius brightened as he saw Mayumi behind him, desperately trying to look nonchalant. "And here's the scheming little imp." the man chuckled as he ruffled her poofy hair.

Harry snorted.

"Imp? What imp?" He rolled his eyes, "that's a catastrophe personified."

Ron looked confused. "Mate, I thought she's the devil incarnate?"

"No." Hermione grumbled from the back of the group, "she's a nuisance."

"Oh don't be silly!" Mayumi chirps, smiling brightly, "I'm clearly a gremlin."

Chapter Text

"Hey Pads?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sure you'd hate to live in Grimmauld Place." Sirius startled, "So I have a suggestion."

"And that is?"

"I would like to have a brilliant Prankster to assist me in my scheming." Mayumi grins, "And I'd love to have him close by as I plot out every little detail of the en of the world. Are you in?"

"My dear little imp, when you phrase it like that, how can I refuse?"

Chapter Text

Cedric Diggory was a little surprised when a grumpy-looking hawk-owl swoops in through the window with a small note tied on it's feet. He took the note, and glancing at the grouching bird, began to read.

' Hi Cedric.

Graveyard?

-Mayumi'

He sighs, pulls out a quill, and scribbled on the back of the paper:

'Hide.'

Chapter Text

Mayumi and Sirius looks positively horrified as they stared at the kitchen.

Or at least, what's left of it.

"We should have considered this." Mayumi grumbles.

"Yeah. Worst mistake of my life."

Appearantly, neither of them can cook.

Chapter Text

"Yes 999 what's your Emergency?"

"Excuse me officer," A sheepish voice came through, "um, I blew up the kitchen."

"...Excuse me?"

"Um, I may have accidentally blew up the kitchen." The voice stated, "Um, with cup noodles— but you don't need to know how of course— And now, uh," A pause, "The kitchen is melting."

"...Come again?"

"The kitchen is dissolving, sir." The voice repeated, sounding very, very miserable, "The microwave just started sparking then it went BOOM and now it's dissolved right through our counter, what should we doooooo?"

Chapter Text

Surviving off takeouts is something that Mayumi made through once, and she will make it this time as well.

"So," Sirius started, "What are you planing?"

"Well," Mayumi taps her chin, "The Quidditch cup is coming soon... so I'm going to make loads of money." She said, seemingly deciding on-the-spot.

"...And?"

"Well, I'm going to be rich this year." Mayumi hums, "I'm notorious for my bets at school— Wanna join?" A nod. "Now onto serious business— hey stop grinning the pun is not intended— I'm going on a hunting trip. You on?"

Chapter Text

"Kreacher!" As soon as they entered the dark and gloomy house, Mayumi screeched.

No response.

"Kreacher!" Sirius screeched. And with a pop, the elf appeared.

"Aww com'on!" Mayumi groans, "That looked so cool!"

Chapter Text

"So," Sirius, "You're saying we need to break into Bella's vault?"

"Well," Mayumi frowned, "We need to get the cuuup..." She sighed.

"I don't want to go to Azkaban again." Sirius deadpanned.

"I knooooow." Mayumi whined.

"And you should probably know that, as Black's last non-sitting-in-Azkaban heir, I automatically has access to that vault, right?"

Mayumi blinks owlishly, then let out a quiet, whispered, 'Oh'.

Chapter Text

Waking up sweaty from his nightmare, Harry was musing about who to write to when Sam the hawk owl swoops through the window, and drops a letter onto his lap.

'Dear Harry' it said, 'please do remember to write to Sirius about what you saw in that dream— I'm very curious.'

It wasn't signed, but from the loopy, tiny handwriting alone Harry already knows.

Chapter Text

"Ron! Hermione!" Came the familiar accented voice of the so called 'nuisance', Hermione sighed, and Ron shook his head as they turned around to where the girl is, and gaped.

"Mayumi?!" Hermione spluttered, staring at the girl, "Wha- How?!"

A now taller than Hermione Mayumi shrugged nonchalantly, and grinned.

"I finally got my growth spurt!"

Chapter Text

BOOM.

The fireplace exploded outwards, and Harry ducked behind a couch.

Ash and splinters of wood blew everywhere. There was a whole myriade of yelps and screeches, then everything settled down.

Harry peeked over the couch, and saw the Weasley family sprawled in the now ashy living room, all looking distinctly ruffled and some were groaning. Meinwhile a much taller-looking Mayumi, the chaos initiator herself, stood in the middle of the mess, looking rather proud.

"Hello!" She greeted in a pleasant voice, like she did not just explode out of the fireplace. "Nice weather, no?"

Chapter Text

"So, what did you do at all?" Harry asked Mayumi, curious.

"Oh." Mayumi paused between slurps of her milk carton, " First I got my growth spurt—"

"Obviously."

"Then we raided a vault—"

"That's illegal."

Mayumi waved that off like a particularly annoying fly, "—Details, details. Afterthat we played tug of war with a house elf—"

"Why on EARTH—"

"Oh, and we also melted a kitchen." She concluded, smiling, looking quite satisfied.

Hermione rubbed her forehead with exasperated disdain and disbelief.

"You did what now?"

Chapter Text

"HIYA CEDRIC!"

Mayumi rushed forwards and threw her arms around Cedric's torso, cackling cheekily as Cedric stumbled.

"Woah, you got taller."

"Yep!"

"And heavier."

"Oi!"

Cedric's father chuckled as he looked at Mayumi, amused, "Well Cedric, care to introduce this young lady?" He asked.

"Dad, this is Mayumi." A pause, "She is a pain."

Those unfamiliar with the girl's antics blinks, while the said 'pain' puffed her chest out, looking extremely proud as she declared.

"I take that as a compliment!"

Chapter Text

Mayumi happily swung her feet as she sat by the campfire that Mr Weasley is trying (and failing) to light.

"Here! Let me!" Mayumi helpfully takes the matchbox from the wizard, and then—

Sime distance away, Mr Roberts the Muggle stared on with horrified amazement at the mushroom cloud that had rose in the middle of the camping grounds, indicating an explosion.

Chapter Text

Harry, Ron and Hermione returned to a slightly scorched camp, a singed-looking Mayumi, and Ministry Wizards running around.

"What happened?" Hermione asked, stepping forwards with her water carton.

"I..." Mayumi started, looking rather thoughtful, "I just tried to light a match."

She looked so downcasted and disappointed in herself, Harry almost felt bad for her.

Chapter Text

A little after Bill, Charlie and Percy joined them (With a lot of pestering from Mayumi about squeezing through a tube), Ludo Bagman arrived in his black and yellow striped robes, waving cheerfully.

"Well, anyone here fancy a flutter on the match?" Ludo asked, smiling as he looked around the camp, "I've gotten quite a few betters here— " He shook his leather pouch, "So?"

All eyes darted towards Mayumi.

The girl stood, smiled brightly.

"Leprechauns gold sure is amazing, no?" She said with a sadistic smile, her eyes in a somewhat creepy curve.

Chapter Text

Soon after Ludo Bagman fled their campsite, Mayumi tugged on the twins sleeves and winked at them, before hurrying off with a skip in her step. The twins, soon joined by Ron, scrambled after her, leaving Harry and Hermione sharing exasperated looks.

"Wonder why she didn't just bet on something while Bagman's here?" Harry wondered.

"As always," Hermione sighed, "she probably knows something."

Chapter Text

When Mayumi returned, she had a whole bag full of notebooks, filled to the brim with signed new bets.

"We're going to earn so much today," Mayumi rubbed her hands together, "Fred, George, we're gonna be rich— now wait here I've got something to do."

She then dumped her bag onto the dreamily smiling Weasleys, and skipped off.

Chapter Text

Quietly tip toe-ing, a figure slipped into one Lucius Malfoy's tent. Rustling around, the figure searched for something— then finally opened the cupboard where his alcohol is stored.

A few moments later, Hirutazu Mayumi is spotted skipping around with a large smile on her face, happily humming with a much lighter pocket, free of the sleeping drought she bought.

For it is now, all properly disposed of.

Chapter Text

"You won't be getting anything for Christmas," Harry told them cheekily as he stuffed the Omnioculars into their hands, Mayumi hums happily as she inspected those, " for about ten years, mind."

"Oh no worries I'll fill that in." Mayumi grins cheekily, "I'm gonna earn so much soon."

"No doubt about that."

Chapter Text

They observed the top box in awe as they entered, even Mayumi seemed to have sparkling eyes as she peered around, vibrating with barely concealed excitement.

"I thought you'd know what it all looks like already?" Ron questioned absentmindedly.

"Oh I do." Mayumi replies dreamily, "this is 20% cooler than what I thought it'd be..."

Next to him, Hermione, who had somewhat watched cartoons in her childhood, choked.

Chapter Text

Mayumi eyed Hermione as she looked conflictedly towards poor Winky, looking like she wanted nothing more than to pull the poor little creature in a hug.

"Hermione," Mayumi started, "please, please, please,"

"What?"

"Do not name anything SPEW."

Chapter Text

As Ron pulled out his Omnioculars, excited to test them. Mayumi spotted his actions and hurriedly puled out hers.

"Ron, please tell me when you find him." She said excitedly, peering around through her Omnioculars.

"Who?" Ron did not glanced away from the scopes as he answered.

"The old bloke picking his nose!"

"Wha—" then he tripped. "Holy shit Mayumi what the hell?!"

Chapter Text

"Good lord, Arthur." Mr Malfoy said in a mocking, soft voice, "what did you have to sell to get seats in the top box?"

The family of redheads seethed for a second, then Fred nudged Mayumi, whispering in her ear.

"Do the thing." He hissed.

Mayumi smiled pleasantly, nodded, then turned to face the blond man.

"Then mister," She said with a look of mock worry and sadness, "whatever did you sell to get this rich?"

Chapter Text

When Harry had snapped out of his trance from the Veelas, he saw that Mayumi was dangling outside the top box, looking dazed.

"Ah, well." She pouts, "shoved out of the closet, aren't I?"

She then proceeded to mutter about how she should've bought ear-plugs.

Chapter Text

"Leprechauns!" Mr Weasley cheered as gold rained down on them. Ron is happily diving around, hoping to pick up as much gold as he can, and Harry is surprised to see Mayumi musing about something.

"Mayumi, what are you thinking about?"

"I'm having a tough time." She said through pouting lips, "whether I should earn a lot more money, or be a decent human being."

Chapter Text

As the Veela started to dance furiously again, Harry, the Weasleys and Mayumi stuffed their ears with their fingers, but Harry noticed that Mayumi is also, trying her very best to aim her Omnioculars at the pitch without her hands.

"Mayumi, what are you doing?!" He yells to make himself heard, but with fingers burried deep in her ears, she couldn't hear him at all.

After the match saw Mayumi cackling as she filmed the referee dancing again and again with her somehow magic-resistant phone.

Chapter Text

"Here, I've heard that the new brand of firewhiskey goes excellent with this—" Crabbe hiccuped between laughs as he swung the bottle, tipsy, "let's see—"

The poor, unsuspecting man fumbled and took out a glass, then proceeded to mix the two drinks.

Proven by the mushroom cloud that rises above the lavish camp, Mayumi's cooking curse applies to alcohol.

Chapter Text

By the time the Weasleys had to pull camp and move, Ron, the twins, and Mayumi were missing.

"Seriously, where are they?" Mr Weasley complained,"I need the extra help..."

After he party yesterday, the campsite was a mess. And Hermione, now devoted environmentalist thanks to Mayumi, insisted on cleaning everything.

"Ah, there they are..." Ginny pointed towards the forest, where Mayumi, the Twins, and Ron emerged with multiple big duffle bags. As they approached, Harry can just hear the clinking of coins.

"Hiya." Mayumi said cheerfully, "want a share?"

Chapter Text

Mayumi was trotting around the Burrow, minding her own business when she caught Ron staring at her, his face scrunched up in thought.

"What are you staring at?" Mayumi tilts her head.

Ron's eyes widens, and he snaps his finger.

"You walk like a penguin." He blurted.

The face Mayumi made could be a meme.

Chapter Text

Ron looks positively horrified as he stared at the set of dress robes his mother had bought him, the lacy pile of fabric dangling from his hands like som sort of old grandma's drapes.

"Mayumi, SAVE ME!" He whimpered, whirling around to cower under the girl's feet, hugging her one leg as the now nearly-his-height girl sniggered, "You're supposed to have everything prepared, right? Save me!"

She snootily turned her nose at him, as if he is some sort of, well to quote Mayu herself, 'crap steeped in sewage'.

As the boy whimpered and whined to himself in the corner, Mayumi tugged at his sleeve, and with a devious grin, hiss in his ear.

"I'm not missing out possible blackmails, stupid."

Chapter Text

"So, Mayumi," Ron glanced away from the window and towards the Auburn-haired girl, still waving, "any tips of the year?" He sounded comically hopeful, voice raising an octave above his normal tone.

Mayumi was originally reading— something in Japanese, so Harry assumed it's one of the light novels the girl ranted so much about, but he wasn't sure. The girl glanced at them one by one, snapped her book shut, and smiled.

"Always, always, always," she looked at them seriously, blue eyes gleaming, "be VERY paranoid of Defence teachers."

Chapter Text

"Aw dammit I don't remember which page I was on!"

Chapter Text

Mayumi was holding her book in a strange position as Ron and Neville conversed about Victor Krum, as if she's readying herself to throw it with as much force as she could, which, needless to say, attracted some stares.

Well, it all made sense when Malfoy entered, and Mayumi 'yeet' -ed the book in his face.

Chapter Text

"you're hiding something from us again, aren't you?" Hermione eyed Mayumi suspiciously, as if she is somehow defying logic— again. "Something big."

"Oh nothing." She blinks innocently, which looks very much suspicious on this catastrophe personified, "Nothing at all"

"Merlin," Ron grumbled, "Wonder what's gonna happen this year— for all we know it can be deadly dragons or somekind of life or death tournament this time."

Mayu sniggers, then much to their terror, said:

"How about both?"

Chapter Text

"Slave labor." Hermione said, voice faint as if she just realized something, "that's what made this dinner, "slave labor."

She sat back down, fully intending on not eating anymore. Only for Mayumi to sigh and load her plate.

"Hermione, cultural difference," She said in a long suffering tone, which is VERY IRONIC, "is a pain in the ass. Now eat."

Chapter Text

The entire hall watched in silence as the man marched through the great hall, dragging his prosthetic with a limp in every step, highlighted by every strike of lightning.

Then when Professor Dumbledore introduced him as their defense teacher, a low growl caused Harry to look away, right at a scowling, teeth-barring Mayumi.

"Suspicious." Mayumi hissed, "Very Suspicious."

She then proceed to crouch and retreat under the table, grumbling like a very displeased cat.

Chapter Text

"It is my very great pleasure to inform you that the Tri-Wizard Tournament will be taking place at Hogwarts this year."

There was a moment of silence, then—

"YOU WEREN'T JOKING?!"

Mayumi cackled, and whooped as those around her shared disturbed looks and horrified glances.

Chapter Text

"Too bad," On their way back to the Gryffindor tower, Ron sighed, "About the age limitation, I mean, what I wouldn't give for all that money!"

"I don't mind." Harry shrugged, "I'd do anything for a break now. Really, I'm done."

"Oh, Harry." Mayumi lamented, "Harry, I'm so, incredibly sorry."

Her sad, pitying tone was responded with a look of dread.

Chapter Text

"Who're you texting?"

Mayumi doesn't looks up from her phone, "Cedric."

"Since when did he have a phone?" Dean Thomas wondered.

"Since I wouldn't stop bugging him with Sam." A pause, "He exhausted the Diggory Bacon Stash."

"I'm not even going to ask what that is." Hermione slowly backed away from the red haired menace, "...Why though?"

Mayumi tilts her head. "So he won't die?" She said incredulously.

"...I'll... Leave you alone."

Chapter Text

Right before Care of Magical Creatures, Mayumi, chewing on the straw of her milk carton, was seen hauling a wooden crate of burn cream into the common room.

No one know where it came from, no one questioned it, and silently, every fourth year took at least ten tubes before heading back down to breakfast.

And as the Blast-ended Skrewts made their appearance, all silently agreed that they own Mayumi, a lot of caramels.

Chapter Text

"Well, at least the Skrewts are small," Ron said hopefully, rubbing burn cream into the reddened splotches on his arms. Meanwhile Mayumi, milk carton dangling from her mouth, glances away from her phone and towards them.

"They are now." Hermione said warily, "Just you wait, once Hagrid finds out what they eat, they'll be six feet long."

"Try ten." Mayumi pipped up.

Their horrified stares sends her snorting milk.

Chapter Text

The two boys watched on uncomfortably as Hermione wolfed down her food at a speed that rivaled Ron- which is saying something- while Mayumi, from sitting next to Hermione, sighed.

"Hermione, darlin'—" Hermione chokes at the girl's horribly imitated southern accent, and Mayumi hands her a glass of water, "... you're going to choke."

"A little too late, mate."

"Do not call me 'Darlin'!"

Chapter Text

"Is it just me," Harry eyed the girl warily, "or is Mayumi a little crazier than usual?"

The girl is currently cackling to herself, heavy shadows and bags beneath her eyes, and screeching random Japanese words which Harry does not recognise at the top of her lungs. Ron narrowed his eyes at her briefly, before they widened.

"Oh no." Ron whimpered, "Hermione, please, please, please."

"What?"

"Please tell me she didn't find a new fandom."

Hermione looked at the fiery-haired boy pitingly, and Ron all but groaned to the sky in grief.

Several meters behind them, Mayumi whooped.

"DOUBLE SUICIDE!"

Chapter Text

"Dammit." Ron groaned, "we don't have Moody's lesson until the end of the week!"

There was a pause, a beat of silence, and the three glanced towards Mayumi.

"... What?"

"Aren't you supposed to make some kind of sassy comment?"

"Wha- no." Mayumi frowned, "by the way, I've been thinking- I should get everyone a Twitter account!"

"MAYUMI NO-"

Chapter Text

"Mayumi, are you absolutely sure that he's..." Ron made a twirly gesture in the air as Malfoy-Ferret screeched, "Because anyone who does that-" He gestured at the chaos, "is SURELY in your good book?"

"What did he do?" Mayumi asked, tilting her head.

"Wha-"

"I see a ferret jumping up and down and screeching his head off," She hummed, bemused, "I see no difference."

Chapter Text

The evening before Moody's first lesson, Mayumi was nowhere to be found. Harry is curled up in his seat, glancing around with paranoia enough to rival a bitching Moody, and Hermione is stabbing her stake like it's killed her parents.

"Are you all worried?" Neville asked, concerned, "about Mayumi."

"Oh Merlin." Ron abandoned his inner funeral monologue, and patted the boy's shoulder, "bless your pure, ignorant soul."

"Be worried, Neville." Hermione whispered, "be terrified for your life."

The first years who heard them, carefully, carefully inched away.

Chat with me here! https/discord.gg/2S7Cy4R

Chapter Text

Mayumi's disappearance didn't last.

While the very paranoid trio was on their way back to the Gryffindor's tower, they found the redheaded girl sitting alone in the hallway, looking grumpy as hell and reeking of alcohol.

"Mayumi." Hermione, having recovered from her overdose of conspirasizing, stared. "Are you... drunk?"

Mayumi gave her a very unimpressed look, raised the bottle of sake in her hand, hiccupped, and promptly rid their ears of their last bits of innocence.

Chapter Text

When she woke up to a pounding headache, hanging up-side-down from her four-poster-bed, Mayumi was understandably miffed.

The ex-private hospital secretary Mayumi Hirutazu didn't expect to get this drunk. Then again, she never expected to get teleported onto the Weasley's front pouch in the middle of a storm, and be forced to learn English while saying 'meh' for literally an eternity. So, screw it.

Well, you can't blame her for craving sake after realizing Moody's lesson was literally tomorrow, can you?

Stupid hangovers.

Chapter Text

Mayumi stumbled into the great hall with an expression that stunk worse than Snape's.

"So." As soon as he saw the girl, Ron drawled, "care to tell us, why the fu—"

"Language."

Ploping into her seat, Mayumi chided lazily,swatting the comment like it was a particularly annoying fly. And Hermione, who was right next to the girl, gave her a 'Tanjirou's look of ultimate disgust'.

"You." She sneered, "of all people, have no right to talk to us about language."

Chapter Text

"Dearest Moldy Shorts,

Greetings! If you're reading this letter, congratulations! You're about to get the best gift of your entire life— I am delighted to inform you that your father's entrails has been fixed to their best condition for your little ritual. Aren't I just thoughtful? Praise me.

Good luck finding Your Father's bones in the Mariana Trench.

Yours Insincerely,

Poultry Man"

There's a blocky chicken head doodle at the end of the letter, and in his fury, Voldemort could do nothing but order his faithful servant to stomp on it.

Chapter Text

Mayumi have been paying attention to the stock market.

She pursed her lips as she scanned through it's rise and fall, humming as she traced it.

Well...

Shrugging, the girl tossed her phone onto her bed and began to draft up a letter to Gringotts.

Chapter Text

Mayumi was absent that Thursday.

She had handed in a letter with a signed note from Sirius, claiming 'Emergency business regarding Gringotts'.

Meanwhile, in front of Sirius' and her apartment, Mayumi Hirutazu proudly grins at her new Porsche.

She is SO glad she didn't throw her old passport and ID card.

Chapter Text

"I don't understand." Ron said blankly as he stared at the device on his bed, "Why are you spending so money on us? Where did you get the money for this?"

"I robbed a bank." Mayumi said, as she pulled another smartphone from her duffel bag full of them and handed it to Fred.

"Wicked." Fred grinned as he took the device from the girl, "How do you download games again, out dearest Grimlin?"

"It's on Google Play."

"The sideways triangle?"

"Yes."

"Can you not ignore me?" Ron asked exasperatedly. But Mayumi did exactly that, and commanded his brothers, Roman style, to hand the phones out.

Chapter Text

@Mayumi Hirutazu added @Harry, @Hermione, @Ronald and 12 others to New_Chat.

@Mayumi Hirutazu changed New_Chat to Chaotic_Kittens™

Ronald: wtf

Hermione: Where did you get my number.

Fred: OOoooOoooh

George: OoOoOOoOoh

Hermione: Mayumi, you have thirty seconds to explain yourself.

Mayumi: *chuckle*

Mayumi: I'm in danger.

Chapter Text

@Mayumi Changed @Mayumi's nickname to @Nyayumi

@Nyayumi Changed @Harry's nickname to @Tabby Pawer

@Nyayumi Changed @Ronald's nickname to @Roarnald

@Nyayumi Changed @Hermione's nickname to @Hermeowne

@Nyayumi Changed @Niville's nickname to @Nyaville

@Nyayumi Changed @Fred's nickname to @Furred

@Nyayumi Changed @George's nickname to @Clawge

@Nyayumi Changed @Dean's nickname to @Tom(cat)as

@Nyayumi Changed @Seamus's nickname to @Felinegon

@Nyayumi Changed @Collin's nickname to @Kneazlry

@Nyayumi Changed @Lavender's nickname to @Nyavender

@Nyayumi Changed @Paviti's nickname to @Pawvity

@Nyayumi Changed @Lee's nickname to @Leopard

@Nyayumi Changed @Angelina's nickname to @Amgelmewna

@Nyayumi Changed @Katie's nickname to @Kitty Bell

@Nyayumi Changed @Alicia's nickname to @Alynxia

Roarnald: why are you admin

Nyayumi: i am god

Chapter Text

Two days after operation Gryffindor Chatroom was initiated, Mayumi found herself outside Mcgonagall's office.

"Ah, Miss Hirutazu," as the teacher returned to her office, she greeted, "is something the matter?"

"There's an emergency."

"What did you do."

"I feel that—" a pause, "why are you assuming I did something!" Mayumi demanded, "And why did I not get an award for it?!"

Chapter Text

"I am starting to feel that the Wizarding world is getting too detached from the wonders of muggle technology." Mayumi said, sipping her tea with her pinky raised. Across her Mcgonagall sighed, and crossed her fingers.

"I'm afraid brining electronics to school would not work well— the amount of magic in the Hogwarts wards are simply too much for them to handle. And what can muggle technology do that can't magic replicate?"

"The Japanese Techno Mages found a solution to that ages ago." Mayumi waved that off, "and you'd be surprised, Professor."

Chapter Text

"Well I can't just listen to your claims, can I? Do you have examples, or perhaps evidence?"

"Well, instantaneous messaging is pretty darn useful."

The stern professor raised an eyebrow.

"How about free encyclopedia and dictionary at your fingertips."

"uhhh... amusing cat videos?"

"...I'm listening."

Chapter Text

"So, this is your Divination homeworks?" Mayumi hummed as she picked up the two pieces of parchments, eyes skimming through them, "and you want me to take a look?"

"Yep!"

"Hummm..." She squinted, then smiled a little too brightly. "That seems pretty good! Want me to make them come true?"

"Wait Mayumi NO!"

Chapter Text

Harry threw his letter onto the table, frustrated with it's contents.

"And no. I haven't got any treats for you." He snapped at Hedwig as she clicked her beak, "you'll have to go up to the Owlery if you want food."

"Harry!" Mayumi gasped in outrage, "How could you! She's supposed to take a killing curse for you in your seventh year!"

While the lot of them were exchanging horrified looks, Mayumi petted an alarmed-looking Hedwig and cooed. "Now now, not that I will let THAT happen, Hedwig. Here, I have bacon."

Chapter Text

When Moody casted the imperius curse on Harry, Harry had successfully threw it off, and ended up with a throbbing headache from both the curse, and that god damned table.

Well time to ask Mayumi for more aspirin. He thought, as he passed said girl who was on her way to the front with a scrowl worthy of Severus Snape.

Chapter Text

"Imperio." Moody said, pointing his wand at Mayumi.

Mayumi crossed her arms, blank-faced, and began to tap dance.

"Well, I guess not even Mayumi is able to throw that off..." Hermione began, but was interrupted when Moody raised an eyebrow, and spoke.

"I thought I told you to do bunny hops?"

Chapter Text

"The way he talks," Harry muttered, "it's like we're about to get attacked any second."

"I know." Ron nodded with agreement, "talk about paranoid."

"Yeah." Mayumi grumbled, giving the classroom door the stink eye, "Brown sus."

Chapter Text

When Hagrid informed them of their project to discover what the Skrewts eat and thus, having to spend more time with them, Malfoy spoke up.

"I will not," he said poshly, "I see enough of these foul things during lessons, thank you."

As Hagrid's smile faded from his face, Mayumi drawled.

"Who are you, Karen?" She said, impressively rolling her 'r's like a proper spaniard, "Want me to bring you the manager?"

Hermione choked.

Chapter Text

"Mayumi." Ron glanced towards Hermione warily as he spoke, "I think you should run."

Mayumi tilted her head with feigned innocence. "What?" She smiled, blinking.

This Saturday morning, Mayumi had entered the common room with a very interesting T-Shirt.

On it were the words 'Hermione had forgotten how to dance'.

In bold.

Behind her, Hermione seethed.

Chapter Text

Mayumi wore the shirt at breakfast. Partially because she wanted to, but also due to the fact that it's been charmed to stick. On her face.

The girl did not cease her antics though, and advised Hermione to not touch hot sauce, or else Harry might eat her.

Mayumi spent the rest of her day dipped in hot sauce, and looked amazed when Harry, as opposed to her little prediction, did not eat her.

Chapter Text

Appearantly the Beauxbatons and Dumstrang students are arriving next week. And Mayumi have been uncharacteristically (worryingly) well-behaved.

"How are you so calm?" One day, unable to reign in his curiosity, Harry asked.

"I'm prepping a poker face for all the poor souls I'm about to bankrupt."

Of course.

Chapter Text

Hermione, who had been absent during Mayumi's bankrupt-plan announcement, head about the incident and decided to hunt the girl down.

"Mayumi," when she finally caught her, Hermione stated sternly, "I forbid you from bankrupting those foreign students, it's utterly unacceptable to subject them to your torment!"

Mayumi sighed, then shook a finger as if she's scolding a child.

"Hermione," she tsked, "The correct term, is trolling."

Chapter Text

Cedric Diggory's phone will not stop ringing as of late— Mayumi just wouldn't stop 'texting' him. Which was all fine and good, but for the fact tha it's utterly, painfully, annoying.

"Mayumi," he finally couldn't stop the irritation and spoke up, "Could you please, just, please."

"What?"

"Stop sending me Nopetopus GIFs."

To Cedric's confusion, Mayumi's reaction was one of horror, and absolute outrage.

Chapter Text

Madam Pince stared down at the two students before her, one still defiantly pouting while the other looked rather confused, if not exasperated.

"Now." She said sternly, "I have expected this kind of behaviour from Miss Hirutazu, but Mister Diggory, what in the world processed you to fall to this troublemaker's level?"

"Hey!" Hirutazu screeched, "I'm 28, graduated and working and therefore levels above him, thank you very much!"

Chapter Text

"Mayumi started the arguement one-sidedly." The prefect said, stone-faced.

"That is a lie!" The girl protested. "I did not start the argument, and I am certainly not the one in the wrong!"

"Oh?" Madam Pince turned her sharp eyes to the girl, "And in what way, Miss Hirutazu, did Mr Diggory 'start this'?"

"He started the age old arguement that have torn apart friendship, families and more." She snarled. "The pronunciation of GIF."

Chapter Text

"Welcoming Feast!" Mayumi cheered, "finally!"

Hermione eyes the girl with caution. "What are you planning."

"Nothing good, probably." Ron answered for the girl.

"I'm going to the kitchen!"

"Mayumi NO!"

Chapter Text

"How did she run so fast?!" Hermione choked as she turned a corner.

"No idea!" Harry yelled, halfway down the hall. "But we have to stop her before she gets to the kitchens!"

"What is this," Ron, who has been completely corrupted by Mayumi, shouted. "Minecraft Manhunt?!"

Chapter Text

They caught Mayumi zip-lining down the stairwell.

"I can't believe I was stopped by a Wingardium Leviosa." Mayumi grumbled.

"I can't believe we stopped you with a Wingardium Leviosa." Hermione stressed.

"Wingardium Leviosa." Harry said wistfully, "The magic words."

Chapter Text

"Wait, isn't this the second time we've been saved by this charm?" Harry pipped up. "I mean, there's that one troll-"

"Yeah," Mayumi hummed absentmindedly.

"-and the guy that barged in on our first year Halloween feast."

"Oi."

"That's it." Ron declared, "It's my religion now, Wingardium Leviosa."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but," Hermione turned to face the redhead, expression schooled and serious, "Ron, sign me up."

"I." Mayumi said, vehemently, "Hate you."

Chapter Text

"A giant, powder blue carriage bigger than a house?" The first-year Ravenclaw raised an eyebrow and leaned away from her, suspicious (of her mental stability).

"Yes." Mayumi nodded excitedly, "Dragged by red-eyed palomino Pegasus that's so big, their hooves are the size of dinner plates."

The ravenclaw leaned even further away from her. "I don't believe you."

"Well, then why don't we bet-ack"

The next moment, Mayumi Hirutazu was dragged away by a furious Hermione Granger.

Chapter Text

By the time Hermione had finished scolding Mayumi, it was all too late. The second-year Ravenclaw had spread the news around the entire school, and some junior students, partly feeling adventurous and partly because the Ravenclaw failed to mention Mayumi's name, decided to try their hand at the little bet.

"They're idiots." Ron groaned, burying his face in his hands, "They, are absolute idiots, and will go bankrupt."

"What do you even use those money for, really?" Hermione peeked at the girl, who sniggered as she counted the deck of signed bets in her hands, "Prank materials?"

Mayumi grumbled.

"Character gacha games eats money like Ron eats food."

Chapter Text

"Ron, I'd suggest you bring a pen with you today." Mayumi offhandedly noted as she sorted through stacks upon stacks of google play gift cards, sent via Sam the poor hawk owl, from Sirius, who, Harry quote, 'looks like an idiot in a seven eleven'. Ever since getting addicted to some sort of gacha game on her phone, Mayumi has been a little bonkers.

Well, more so than normally.

"Why?

"Cause Krum is coming, duh."

Mayumi seem to find the way Ron spat his juice across the table then scrambled for the dorms hilarious. Harry agrees.

Chapter Text

Harry hummed as his eyes trailed after the power blue, house-sized carriage in the sky. Meanwhile, Ron has his eyes glued to the lake, and Mayumi was gleefully counting her money from her perch on the tree, a coil of rope slung across her back.

He's not even going to ask.

"The first-year Ravenclaw refused to pay Mayumi." Hermione informed them as a greeting, sparing the girl a lingering stare as she arrived to their side, "the twins are saying that she hung him on the whomping willow."

Mayumi, who probably have radar ears, cackled and fell off the tree.

"Oh, no." Ron whispered with the corner of his mouth in horror, clenching his quill but not taking his eyes off the lake still, "Harry, don't you owe her a broomstick?"

Chapter Text

Harry's eyes trailed after Madame Maxime, even Ron has taken his eyes off the lake to stare and they're out alone. In fact, everyone's staring at her.

Well, not everyone.

Mayumi, who is 'not like the other girls', have abandoned her post on the tree and is currently scanning through the little group of students behind the headmistress with narrowed eyes. Curious as to what caught her attention, Ron spoke up.

"Who're you looking for?"

"Your brother's future wife." Mayumi replied nonchalantly.

"My brother's what?"

And curiosity killed the cat.

Chapter Text

"Speaking of Hagrid," Harry wondered aloud, "what do you reckon happened with the Skrewts?" 

Ron suggested hopefully, that they might've escaped, to which Hermione responded with horror. "Don't-" She shuddered, "imagine those things lose on the grounds..." Instantly, all three of them gulped, and turned to look at Mayumi.

"What are you looking at me for?" Noticing their gaze, Mayumi said through a mouthful of popcorns (don't ask), shrugging, "I'm not omniscient."

"Lies," just as Hermione was about to protest, Seamus Finnigan deadpanned from behind them. And honestly? Harry couldn't agree more.

Chapter Text

"When are they coming?" said Ron excitedly as he peered at the lake's surface, "wonder what the ship will be like?"

"It will sound like a vacuum cleaner." Mayumi, nose buried in a book (Painful Ways to Die 101), helpfully informed, "and look like Wei Wuxian but as a ship— a resurrected wreak."

Harry as no idea who that is, but is very annoyed when his thoughts lined up with Mayumi's exact words.

Chapter Text

As the headmaster of Durmstrang approached Dumbledore, Mayumi leaned in and whispered in Ron's ears.

"Dumbledore! How are you, my dear felllow, how are you?" She hissed is a raspy, mock-heartily voice. Ron looked at her with confusion, before the goatee man said the exact same thing.

Ron gaped, Hermione stared, and Harry just threw his arms in the air and walked away.

"Blooming, thank you, Professor Karkaroff." Mayumi then said, stroking her invisible beard, in a voice the imitation of their headmaster.

As Dumbledore repeated the exact same thing, Ron choked.

"Merlin." He said, "You really are omniscient, aren't you?"

Chapter Text

After Ron's little simping section over Krum, Harry watched as one of the Beauxbatons' girls approached their table, with Mayumi leaning over and whispering in his ears.

"She is here for the French goop."

"Bouillabaisse." Hermione corrected.

"French goop." Mayumi pointedly ignored her, and Harry stifled a snigger as Hermione resisted the urge to drown the redhead in said French goop.

Chapter Text

"Excuse me, are you wanting ze Bouillabaisse?" The girl inquired, and Ron suddenly started to resemble a purple goldfish.

"Non," Mayumi piped up, gaining several incredulous looks from the first and second years but Harry is no longer surprised. "Tu peux l'avoir." She added, looking very pleased with herself.

"Tu parles français?" The girl asked, startled.

" I literally have no idea what you just said but Google translate."

Chapter Text

"I'm telling you, that's not a normal girl!" Ron insisted, "They don't make them like that at Hogwarts!"

"They make them OK at Hogwarts." Harry said without thinking, staring at Cho Chang.

"First of all," Mayumi rudely interrupted, "Simps. Second of all, ew, Ron, that's your future sister in law."

"You mean THAT'S-"

Chapter Text

Dumbledore went on calmly with his explanation, "the Champions will be chosen by an impartial selector—"

"A magical wooden cup." Mayumi declared loudly, just before Dumbledore. And almost like they've rehearsaled, Dumbledore smiled unfazed.

"A magical wooden cup."

While their guests rippled with confusion at their first exposure to Mayu the Chaos initiate, said girl was absolutely delighted.

Chapter Text

Nyayumi: It has came to my attention that

Nyayumi: We seems to have

Nyayumi: Forgotten about this.

Tabby Pawer: Please continue to forget about it.

Nyayumi: Nah, the author just didn't want this to turn into a chat fic but I'm bringing it back.

Furred: I spy

Clawge: With my little eyes

Furred: The scent of

Clawge: Chaos

Furred: Chaos

Roarnald: Well it is the Chaos initiate.

Nyayumi: Since when am I an it?

Nyayumi: And why didn't I get a prize for it?

Chapter Text

With the arrival of their new guests came the arrival of Mayumi's new strange antics and reference.

"Mayumi." Hermione stared at the newly set-up PC in their' dormitory, "Why."

"I'll be quiet!" The gremlin innocently smiled, and Lavender prepared to lament the loss of their sanity.

"How did you even get permission from Professor McGonagall!"

"There was a reason," with a devilish grin, Mayumi responded. "Why I chose a half Kneazle, ya'know."

As a matter of fact, it was for the cat content.

And bribes.

Chapter Text

"Ron, if you find my corpse in a closet," Harry whispered, "It's Mayumi."

"All this over owning her a broomstick? Mate, just get her the broom and be done with it."

"I can't." Harry lamented, "imagine the chaos she would cause with it— Hogwarts won't survive..."

"Oh shit."

"I feel like I'm going through all five stages of grief simultaneously right now,"

"Nah mate, this is just the last stage of Mayumi. You'll survive." A pause, "as long as she doesn't go nuts and play loan shark."

"I'm going to die."

Chapter Text

"So," Harry started, hoping to strike up a normal conversation, "You probably earned a lot with that bet on the ship and the carriage, right? Mayumi?"

"It was just barely enough." The girl grumbled, pouting.

"Why?"

"Because I'm Childe's Spirit Animal, duh."

"Alright," Harry replied, strained as he struggled to understand this chaotic being in front of him while simultaneously keeping her attention off the long overdue broomstick he had inevitable bought.

Chapter Text

"You said it was barely enough," Ron inquired, curious, "so what did you buy with the remaining gallons?"

"This!" she grinned, raising a long, tubular thing.

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "Let me see what you have?"

"A recorder!"

Having been through the abomination that is Muggle primary school music lessons, both Harry and Hermione gasped in horror.

"NO!"

Chapter Text

Whatever Flur Delacour expect when she stepped into Hogwarts, it wasn't this.

The French girl and her sister watched as a ravenette, and a girl with bushes for hair chased a girl loudly playing some off key version of 'My Heart Will Go On' on an abomination of an instrument. Meanwhile, their other friend, a redheaded boy, stood next to her in a trance.

"Is this normal?" She questioned the boy, who merely whimpered.

At the sight of this, Gabrielle, ever cultured, whispered.

"This is fine." 

Flur disagrees.

Chapter Text

Mayumi sniggered as she readied her phone on it's tripod, watching Fred and George dripping aging potions in their mouths.

From next to her, Yuzuro shot her a look.

"Aww com'on, buddy." Mayumi shook her head, "you know I ain't missing any blackmail." A pause, "plus, I got a bet with half the Durmstrang student body, and I need video footage so I can watch their faces as they contort with horror."

Yuzuro turned around with a huff.

"And film them."

The cat flicked his tail, unimpressed, and walked away.

Chapter Text

Harry was still laughing even as Dumbledore instructed the twins off to the medical bay, for once fully in approval with Mayumi, who had set up her tripod and caught the whole thing on tape.

"What are you gonna do with that footage, Mayumi?" Ron asked, curious.

"I'm gonna make it into a gif," she said, "in the dramaticest slow motion ever."

Hermione shook her head. "Dramaticest isn't a word."

"In the dramaticest slow motion ever."

Hermione then tries to destroy Mayu's tripod. She succeeds.

Chapter Text

With the loss of her tripod, Mayumi stuffs her phone into Harry's hands and whispered, "Be my tripod for a minute."

While Harry was still processing her words, Mayumi marched up to the goblet, crossed the age line and under the wide-eyed gaze of three schools, dumped a howler into the fire.

As she turned around, Dean Thomas gasped.

"I knew it!" He accused, "I knew you were some form of ancient chaotic omniscient demon from an alternate dimension, Mayumi, just admit it!"

Chapter Text

Followed by a still dumfunded Harry and grinning Ron, Hermione dragged Mayumi out of the room.

"How did you do this?" She demanded, "Mayumi, you're underage! Do you understand just how dangerous this tournament is? This isn't some kind of book where the protagonist never die!"

"Uhhhhhh," Mayumi laughed nervously, "You sure about that?"

"What?"

Chapter Text

"what did you put in the goblet, by the way." Harry handed the phone back to Mayumi, havong finally snapped out of his dumbstruck trance. "Because knowing you, there's no way you just wrote your name."

"Well, Harry my dearest," Mayumi clicked her tounge and winked with finger guns, "You know me too well."

"Stop that you're giving me the creeps."

Chapter Text

Harry and Hermione goggled at Hagrid in his best and very horrible hairy brown suit. The half giant grinned at them, sheepish as he scratched his twintails. Meanwhile Ron opened his mouth, and an attempt to comment on the outfit was made and foiled by Mayumi, who 'dwawwww'ed with puppy eyes and a grin.

"Hagrid, who a lovely new suit!" She exclaimed with genuine adoration, "I'm sure Madame Maxime will love it!"

"Wait, you mean- "

Chapter Text

"Where's Mayumi?" Ron peered around them, as the girl was nowhere to be found, "please tell me she didn't go fetch her notebook."

"She did." Neville replied, tilting his head, "what of it?"

Ron groaned.

Well, looks like someone's gonna go bankrupt today.

Chapter Text

"Yo."

Mayumi, leaning against the door in the shadows with all her sunglasses and trenchcoat-wearing glory, smirked as Krum turned to look at her with growing incredulousness in his eyes. Meanwhile Fred and George, decked out in MIB cosplay and armed with laser guns crossed their arms behind her.

"So, Mister Viktor Krum," taking a mock puff of her unlit cigar and making sure to roll all her 'r's, Mayumi drawled, wriggling her eyebrows as she raised her notebook "care for some... Gambling?"

Chapter Text

Viktor eyed the notebook in the girl's hand, which is titled 'Death Note' in a fancy print on the cover, as the girl drawled on with her bet.

"-You may view the terms and conditions on page 34." The girl was about to say more as the door she was leaning on suddenly opened, and she fell out of sight with an 'ack'. Her two... Body guards swiftly marched out after her, one staying briefly to give a flourishing bow, then he closed the door behind him.

"Vat,", Viktor said, with feelings, "ze fuck?"

Chapter Text

They all waited with baited breath as Dumbledore raused his wand, and gave a grand sweeping gesture.

Under a thousand scrutinizing gazes, the goblet's flames turned red for the first time. A young of flames lashed out and... out spat Mayumi's howler.

According to sources, as the howler's edges began to singe, the faces of all occupants maybe repusented with the blinking man meme.

Chapter Text

The judges were quickly discussing with one another as Harry watched the Howler slowly began to curl, ready to burst. Next to him, Mayumi was struggling to reign her laughter in.

"Mayumi," Hermione said in a dangerous whisper, "is that your howler?"

"Y-yes." She said, voice strained, "I just never thought-"

The Howler exploded before she could finish, and she burst into laughter.

"NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP—"

Chapter Text

While the uncultured swines looked around in confusion, Flur's sister and every other Muggleborns groaned and attempted to cover their ears. In the midst of the chaos sat Mayumi, halfway off her seat and onto the ground laughing her ass off.

The judges looks stunned and confused as to what the actual fuck is happening, while Viktor, having spotted 'Chaos Personified', began to eye her as if she's some kind of alien mutated dodo bird.

Atop the stage, Dumbledore hummed thoughtfully.

"It would appear," he said, stating the obvious, "that we have been Rick Rolled."

Chapter Text

Half the Durmstrang population's faces are looking increasingly paler/greener with each champion announced. Mayumi's grin was getting increasingly Akabane Karma-like, which is a little concerning, and turns boarderline terrifying as she trained her crescent eyes on him.

The fires of the goblet turns red for a fifth time.

"Harry Potter."

Harry faceplantes onto the desk. Meanwhile, some dude from Durmstrang whispered.

"I agree with that crazy conspirasist." He said, terrified, "she IS a omniscient otherworldly chaotic platypus."

Chapter Text

As Harry walks into the waiting room for the champions, Krum blanched, Cedric groaned, and Flur called him a little boy.

As the judges argue with eachother over equality while the unwilling subject matter is very present, Krum cleared his throat.

"I zink," he gulped as he glanced nervously towards the general direction of a certain redhead, "I have a suspect."

Instantly and simultaneously, those of Hogwarts replied.

"No, That's just Mayumi/Hirutazu."

Chapter Text

Harry walked into the Griffindor dorms to find a party in full swing. People congratulating him for something he didn't do, didn't want to do, and a situation he would very much love to get out of, this might just be his worst party at Hogwarts ever.

While he sulks in a corner, Mayumi stalks over and plops down next to him with a sagely expression.

"Harry, Harry, Harry." She shook her head and strokes her imaginary beard, "it is time to teach you how to make the most out of a situation."

Chapter Text

Mayumi did not interfere when Malfoy picked a fight.

She did not interfere either, when he and Harry fired jinxes at eachother. 

She did, however, head into the potions lab earlier. So Snape is probably too busy to be here and be a bitch. And thus the issue was resolved when Professor McGonagall storms her way downstairs screaming bloody murder.

Chapter Text

The 'Potter Stinks' badge situation was getting out of hand. Mayumi mused as she observed Malfoy handing boxes of them out, humming. Harry has been rather down lately, too.

Well she oughtta make it up to him.

And if a certain very ninja-looking ninja snuck across the halls of Hogwarts that night, Mayumi has nothing to do with it.

Chapter Text

On the morning of an ordinary Friday at Hogwarts, a notice board was suddenly found stuck to the walls outside of the Great Hall, with a huge poster on it, printed with an announcement.

"The 'Potter Stinks' badge have now been deemed of great importance by Mayumi Hirutazu, and will now accept them as substitute for paying back depts.

Signed,

Poultry Man."

What did Mayumi do with the badges, you ask?

Well, she had a very fun bonfire party with Harry.

Chapter Text

"Rita Skeeter?" Rita turned around and her eyes fell upon the unassuming figure of an Asian girl in a oversized half red half white hoodie, a milk carton dangling from her mouth. And as confused as she was, she stuck to her charming persona and flashed the girl a smile.

"Yes, dearie?"

"Rumbleroar is the headmaster of Pigwarts on Mars."

"Ah well well well is it isn't my favourite informant." Rita's smile turned just a touch sharper and more serious, "What do you need?"

"I am here to call in a favour."

Chapter Text

Harry peeked into the room for the weighting of the wands, shut the door, and opened it again.

And again.

And again

In the end he stood outside the door, dumbfounded while staring at the ceiling, questioning all his life choices which led up to this moment.

Because no matter how many times how many times he reopened that door, there was Mayumi, hanging up-side-down from the ceiling with a GoPro strapped to her head and mic stick in hand.

Chapter Text

When Harry was finally done contemplating his existence, he realised the gravity of the situation, kicked down the wall and burst into the room, locking eyes with the girl before speaking.

"Mayumi, what the ever loving fuck are you doing up there."

"Well..." Mayumi smirked, and Harry knew he had made a big mistake when she threw her head back and screeched. "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"

Silence.

"Rita you're supposed to say 'and make it double.'"

"I'm not joining in your antics, Hirutazu."

Chapter Text

While Mayumi the Menace cackled as she floated across the ceiling, Harry Potter turned to the two reporters, and like one would present an Oscar winner, gave a flourishing bow.

"This, ladies and gentlemen," blank faced, he declared, "Is why we can't have nice things."

They made the headlines.

Chapter Text

As Mr.Ollivander's eyes laid upon Mayumi's wand, he pensively closed his eyes.

"Ah yes. I remember your wand quite clearly, miss Hirutazu." He nodded sagely, "half my shop was desperately in need of renovation afterwards, with the amount of those... Blocky chickens and teary cats which appeared.

"My wand is literally a pun of my name." Mayumi deadpanned, "and as fitting as it is to give me a Minecraft-chicken-and-crying-cat-sprouting wand, I am not impressed."

Chapter Text

Mayumi was sorting through her Amazon deliveries during breakfast when the morning news arrived. And slowly, gradually but surely, the eyes of the Great hall turned to stare at her.

Blinking, Mayumi snatches the Prophet out of Hermione's hands, and there it is on the headlines-

Breaking News!

Hogwarts' Local Cryptic?!

Harry Potter: This is why we can't have nice things

Beneath it, Photo-Mayumi was wreaking the entire page with a tortilla minigun.

"Rita," Mayumi whispers, "I am so proud of you."

Chapter Text

While the first task was fast approaching, Hermione was damn near loosing her mind for Harry, who seems to has chosen to yeet himself into a trash can and spend the rest of his miserable life in it. "Harry, I understand that you're upset." She patiently pled to the trash can, "If you don't know how to approach this, I can make a bucket list for you-"

"Done." Mayumi, after scribbling something onto a parchment, rolled it with a flourish and tossed it over to the Granger. "Take a look."

~Bucket List~

-bucket

-bucket

-bucket

-bucket

Hermione slowly lifted her head, locked eyes with the blue-eyed Japanese, and swore.

"One of these days." She said, "Laws be damned, I am going to fucking kill you."

Chapter Text

"Strange that whenever you dread something," Harry growled into his breakfast, stabbing his poor bacon to bits. "Time passes faster."

"True." Mayumi hums thought her milk carton straw, "it's like when you throw a clock, time flies."

Harry blinked, not quite keeping up with her line of thought yet. Meanwhile, Hermione groaned.

"Unless you eat it." Mayumi muses on, unaware of their plight, "That's time consuming."

Chapter Text

After Hermione have finished smacking Mayumi around, Harry almost smacked himself for his stupidity.

"I almost forgot!" He groaned, "You gotta know what's in the tasks, right? Mayumi, can you please give me a hint?"

"But what's the fun in telling you!" She whines.

"Lifetime supply of chocolate charamel shards?"

"...Deal."

Chapter Text

"Wait, does that mean you knew what it was the entire time?" Hermione frowned in disapproval, "and didn't tell us?!"

"Well duh." She shrugged . "It's a Nobert."

"A what?"

"A Nobert." She repeated, plucking stolen bacon away from Sam the Hawk Owl. "Also, enjoy your time as a thirdwheel."

That night while thirdwheeling Hagrid's date, Harry cursed Mayumi to the best of his ability under the presence of three 'Nobert's.

Chapter Text

When Harry comes back looking like he's seen a ghost, Mayumi was sitting in the common room with a tray of what looks like charred radioactive lumps.

"What? Are you serious?! You're not coming to my tea party?" She demands at the fireplace, where Sirius' head sits.

"Ya know, I kinda am Sirius-" his godfather eyes the tray in Mayumi's hands with the caution of Moody himself, and Harry could tell the exact moment Mayumi's eyes went red.

"Sirius, I, MADE. BISCUITS!"

Chapter Text

"Cedric," Harry said, "The first task is dragons."

The older male blinked before he sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but Mayumi already told me." "He admitted.

"What? How"

"One word. Mayumi."

"Of fucking course."

Chapter Text

"How was your little meeting with Moody just now?" Harry clambered into the common room to see Mayumi sitting cross-legged with Hermione baring a strained smile.

"Insightful." Nolonger unused to Mayumi knowing everything, he replied. Hermione rapidly shaking her head at him from behind the girl.

"Great!" the redhead's smile grew sickly sweet. "I love Moody."

Harry frowned, "You hate Moody."

"Yeah NO SHIT, HONEY!"

Chapter Text

"Thanks a lot, Cedric." Greeted Mayumi grumpily as they met up for this week's Herbology 'suffer session'.

Cedric blinked, hearing the sarcasm in the girl's voice and hesitated. "....What for?" He asked tentatively.

"For ratting me out to Harry, duh!" She whined, "he's now withholding my weekly caramel shards supply by talking to Sirius! I hate you!'

Well, she certainly didn't sound like it.

Chapter Text

Mastering the summoning charm proved to be much more fun when Mayumi provided their targets.

Harry especially enjoyed the time he summoned a pie onto Malfoy's face.

Chapter Text

Thanks to the Triwizard Tournament, the infamous betting pools of Hogwars is now up and running once again under the careful manipulations of the one and oni Mayumi, mostly consisting of some younger, tentative Hogwarts student who though her reign of terror was over, and the poor foreigners who didn't know what they're getting into.

Let's have a moment of silence in the comments, for those poor unfortunate souls.

Chapter Text

Harry had a very bad feeling when the Twins and Mayumi entered the Great hall, the latter dressed in a hot pink T-shirt that read: 'Potter's Inner Monologue', a microphone in her hand, with the twins carrying enourmous loudspeakers above their heads.

And it was proven when the twins began beatboxing, and Mayumi started belting into the mic in the most dramatic fashion ever seen.

"I AM IN MISERY-"

Chapter Text

"Harry, calm down." Still wearing that ridiculous shirt, Mayumi slapped him on his back. "With how stressed you look, if you're a coral, you'd be dead!"

"What?"

"Corals die when they get stressed." Hermione elaborated.

"What do corals even get stressed about?"

Mayumi laughs. This is one of her evil laughs.

"Current events."

Chapter Text

Mayumi crossed her arms in satisfaction as she watched Harry shoot off into the sky on his broom, the crowd around her cheering as he did so.

Well, most of the crowd. Because a sizeable portion of it is currently sweating buckets for what this means for their wallets, and Mayumi is more than happy to send them a gracious evil grin.

Chapter Text

After escaping Pomfrey, Harry walked towards the mouth of the tent, only to be greeted by an armful of Mayumi, followed by a pile of Hermione and finally Ron. Three of which escorted him out to see his scores, Mayumi with a suspiciously wide grin on her face.

With each score shot into the sky, her grin only stretched wider, and when Kakaroff finally shot off his '4' into the air, the girl whirled over to him, clasped his hand in hers, and yanked him forwards.

"Harry, if I'm into boys, I would 100% kiss you." Harry grimaced at that. "But I'm not, so I'm gonna get you the best Christmas present with this win."

Chapter Text

This Just In: Mysterious Circumstances Cause Dumstrangs a Fortune

Under mysterious circumstances, a portion of Dumstrang students have suddenly lost a sizeable amount of gallons after the very exciting Tri-Wizard Tournament. An anonymous student warned his schoolmates against a 'shape-shifting bowler-hat wearing grimlin with a stick'. However, this student's mental stability has yet been confirmed.

More on page 7

Harry suspects the grimlin is currently sitting next to him.

Chapter Text

"... and I gazed into it's crystalline depths... and what do you think I saw gazing back at me?" Trelawney said in a low, mock-mysterious voice.

"An ugly old bat in outsize specs?" Ron snarked.

"Death, my dears." Trelawney said dramatically, gasping, "Death-"

She was promptly cut off my Mayumi's happy declaration.

"Of some poor Dumstrang student's wallets!" She said with the pride of someone who had... well, just emptied the wallet of 100 students. "I pity their souls!"

Chapter Text

Feline minions

Nyayumi
10:02pm: If womb is pronounced 'woom'

Nyayumi
10:02pm: And tomb is pronounced 'toom'

Nyayumi
10:03pm: Shouldn't bomb be pronounced 'boom'?

Nyavender
10:04pm: Careful you're giving Hermione a brainfreeze here

Roarnald
10:04pm: What's brainfreeze?

Nyayumi
10:05pm: Aftereffects of Tumblr

Tabby Pawer
10:05pm: Shouldn't that be Twitter?

Nyayumi
10:06pm: Twitter drags all your brain cells to the back of a chinese restaurant then brutally murders them thats different

Nyayumi
10:07pm: I'm gonna be calling it a boom from now on.

Hermeowne
10:07pm: NO YOU SHALL NOT

Nyayumi
10:07pm: M A K E T H M E

Chat with me here! https://discord.gg/2S7Cy4R

Chapter Text

Never in his life have Harry ever found girls as terrifying as he did now. Honestly he'd rather take on another Hungarian Horntail than go get a date right now, him and Ron are at their wits ends, and have restarted to treating girls as scientists would a new fascinating species of animal.

"This isn't going anywhere." Ron moaned into the table, meanwhile Mayumi pats his back comfortingly. "Why do they have to move in packs?"

"Well, you aren't alone." The girl said cheerfully. "I'm pretty clueless too."

"You sure you can't just come with one of us?" Harry asked hopefully. "As friends?"

"Nope!" Without losing her smile, Mayumi smacks him. "I'm getting a girl or else. Think of me as a buddy in your endeavours."

Meanwhile Hermione: ???? 

Chapter Text

She was hiding in an empty classroom, watching with disdain at the dumpster fire that is the male student body tripping all over themselves for her hand at the ball, when a certain redhead approached her.

That is to say, she hung from the ceiling upside down, spider-man styled.

"Hi." Mayumi Hirutazu cheerfully waved, "Would you mind if I invite you to troll three schools at the same time," From her wrist she summoned a yellow rose which she presented with exaggerated grace, "And be my partner in crime?"

The young woman looked out from the corner she was hiding in, out towards those idiotic boys, then gave the idea some thought.

"I don't see vy not."

Chapter Text

"So did you guys get a date yet?" Mayumi casually asks as they stroll past a particularly tone deaf suit of armour singing- I'm sorry, screeching 'Oh Come, All Ye Faithful' at the top of it's nonexistent lungs. Such a glorious sight to behold, Mayumi wants to dramatically wipe a tear away.

"No luck still." Ron groans, bending backwards to face the ceiling at a back-breaking angle. Mayumi spends a full second to burn the sight into her memory. "At this rate, we might really have to invite a troll!" He bends back up under the wide eyes of three others,  unharmed by his impressive yoga performance. "What?"

"Ron," Mayumi says with wide, unblinking eyes, "next Halloween, you should cosplay that one guy in phasmophobia running on 5 fps."

Chapter Text

"Mayumi," Lavender says from her perch on the couch, "I heard you invited a girl?"

"'Ep!"

"How'd you get her to agree?"

"I appeared before the 'damsel in distress' and gave her a rose."

A few of the girls, who doesn't seem to catch onto Mayumi's air quote tone, giggles. Harry shifts uncomfortably.

"You know, going with a girl doesn't sound all that bad." Lavender sighed, "Too bad I already have a date..."

"NO!" Ron cries out in alarm, "there are few enough decent girls in Hogwarts to begin with, if the rest of you self-digests, what are Harry and I supposed to do then?!"

Mayumi, ever helpful, laughs in the face of his misery, and quotes an explosive pomarian.

"Die"

Chapter Text

"Today, I'm going to teach you how to face your fears." Mayumi slaps her hand on the blackboard, sending a chalk stick tumbling. It rolls across the floor and lands near Harry's feet- who is currently handcuffed and gagged on one of the chairs of the abandonded classroom. Meanwhile Ron, sitting stiffly and terrified but unbound due to having wisely decided to yield, raises a trembling hand.

"Sushh." Was the reply. So Harry speaks instead.

"Mmmh ugmhhh mmmh mmh." He says in alien, and the redhead waves him off.

"You too." She said dismissively before eagerly pulling up the non digital equivalent of a PowerPoint presentation held up by poor Sam the hawk owl, "Now, the first step to facing your fears is-"

It was then that the door gets kicked in by none other than a seething Hermione Granger, and with guttural terror and at the top of her lungs, Mayumi screams.

Chapter Text

"Repeat after me, one does not kidnap their friends!" Hermione slams her hand on the blackboard, sending a chalk stick tumbling. It rolls across the floor and lands by Mayumi's feet- currently tied up like a stack of newspaper and gagged with a rag in one of the chairs of the abandonded classroom. Meanwhile Harry, lounging at the back unbound, smiles.

Ah how the turns have tabled.

"...idnappings can be traumatising, so don't do it even as a joke, do you understand, Mayumi?!"

Said girl spits out the rag in her mouth, and cheerily chirps.

"Okay boomer!"

Chapter Text

...four students of Hogwarts exit an abandonded classroom one after the other, in various states.

Hermione Granger exits with a suspiciously sunny smile and with tosled hair, and the student body wisely decides to clear a way for the witch as she passes by with grace, like the queen she is.

Next comes Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, the former blank faced with a vague dreamy sway to his step— or perhaps he's just drunk. The latter however, drags his feet with the weight of the horror he'd just witnessed, a mildly disturb look on his face, as if the full impact of it have yet to hit him.

Last comes Mayumi Hirutazu, who crawls out half dead with a *BEEEp Beeep Beeep* and a shaking hand extended. Dean Thomas, who'd witnessed the despairing state the girl was in, describes it as "disturbingly resembling old zombie movies".

-Rita Skeeter,

The Daily Prophet

Chapter Text

Mayumi's visible misery as she reads today's Daily Phrophet column beings unspeakable joy to Hermione's face. She was practically glowing at breakfast as she elegantly cut her sunny-side-up egg as a civilised noble would, much to the unease of half the Griffindor House. Even now as they walk through the winding halls of Hogwarts, she continues to beam while Mayumi counters with her gloom. And Ron, not wanting to catch a cold from the quick transaction of temperature he'd been experience, turns to Mayumi.

"So, Mayumi." He offers her an opportunity. "Who is your date to the ball."

He smiles strainedly, hoping the girl would take the bait. And as he watches her head slowly and robotically turn towards him, he briefly wondered if it worked too well before a big smile consumes the redhead's face, and she makes her reply.

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Chapter Text

"Okay, Okay, we know you're a girl," Ron said dismissively, "That do? Will you come now?"

When he returned to the common room, Harry expected to pass the rest of his day with a heavy heart, not with the increasing urge to face palm at Ron's day being more disastrous than his own, getting increasingly so from his sheer lack of tact. He's not even surprised when Hermione snaps at him and storms out of the room, soon followed by Ginny.

"What's gotten into them?" He demands.

"Ron, something very bad is going to happen to you now." Harry says, already looking away, "and I'm not going to stay here for it."

When Harry walks away towards Lavender and Parvati, he's not even surprised to see a blanket burrito angrily rolling into the common room, and decides that Ron deserves it.

Chapter Text

When Harry returns with two dates secured for himself and Ron, the vaguely humanoid blankets burrito had tumbled down the stairs and rolled all the until it reaches Ron's feet, the top of which had fallen apart to reveal Mayumi in her pyjamas. She reaches out with a hand stuffed in a frog muppet holding a grape juice carton, and practically force feeds Ron the beverage.

"What's that?" Harry casually asks.

"Respect woman juice."

Chapter Text

This chapter will be quite different and not quite in tone with the rest of the story, so do skip it if you want.

Mayumi has fond memories of the hospital. The hospital and it's kids, who she read stories to. She has fond memories of home, where she never quite belonged but neither did she feel out of place. Mayumi settles into everyone's life like a rather chaotic interlude, breaking down a wall to bring in an odd form of joy and carefreeness to a certain place, content to leave afterwards without much strings attached.

It was one such transactions where she found herself at the Kyoto Airport, sitting and reading a book, ready for a quick vacation to take her mind off of recent events. It was one such day she found herself suddenly much smaller than she is, soaking in the idle of a hurricane and utterly speechless in front of the Weasley family home.

The Harry Potter books was what the children at the hospital loved, so Mayumi read them all to them until she could recite even the tiniest detail. How ironic, for her to achieve what those kids dreamed of only in the wake of their untimely deaths.

But otherwise, the dead will stay dead, and there's a new world before her to bring her unique brand of joy to. So despite her lack of understanding of the language, despite the suddenness of the situation, Mayumi Hirutazu gets to work.

Chapter Text

Today Mayumi walks into the common room with a party hat, attracting eyes to follow her as she skipped to sit by the trio. The action earned her several look from her classmates, but they are no longer unused to such a sight.

"Mayumi, what's the occasion?" Ron asks tentatively, still mildly traumatized by her force-feeding him grape juice.

"Oh, just 400 chapters and an April fools celebration."

"Mayumi," Hermione frowns, "it's December."

"Oh, not for someone else," She waves it off, "It's the 400th chapter and April 1st elsewhere and someone decided that many 4's accounts for a fourth wall break, and honestly? I agree."

Chapter Text

"He sounds exactly like Moody." Harry complained, not realising his mistake as Mayumi's eyes honed in on him like homing beacons, "constant vigilance! You'd think I walk around with my eye shut, banging off the walls..." He trailed off as he finally felt the chill of the red headed girl's gaze, and slowly turned to face her, as one would a ghost in horror movies.

"While I disagree with your simili of yourself with the DVD screensaver," Mayumi tilted her head with a sugar sweet smile, "Harry... what did I tell you about Moody~?"

Chapter Text

It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are chirping, sun's shining, flowers are blooming... Cedric sighs in all the contentment of having a good night's sleep. On days like these, the children of Hogwarts should-

And then Mayumi Hirutazu bursts into the great hall, decked out in full weeping angel cosplay and face paint, complete with fake ground and several other styrofoam tombstones while wielding a green paint ball gun, and poor Cedric watches as his peace and sanity washes down the drain.

Chapter Text

"Harry, I know we've still got time but all this procrastinating is not going to solve the mystery," Hermione chews on her lip with worry, dodging to the side to allow the Weasley twins passage into the entrance hall with their radio and loudspeakers. "Sirius is right, you know, looking into it earlier will give you more time to prepare, no?"

"What do we even need to figure out?" There was a faint 'whoosh' as Ron rolls his eyes, and simply sidesteps before the stray paint ball splatters against the bricks in a grotesque display of neon green. "We have Mayumi."

Behind them and through the doors of the great hall, the song 'Run, rabbit run' begins blasting.

Chapter Text

Professor McGonagall with heavy dark circles and a look of annoyance is a terrifying Professor McGonagall. So when Mayumi marches into the hallways covered in paint and the biggest grin of her life just barely one time, Harry was almost certain she'd earn a detention. Instead the girl plops a paper box into their professor's hand, who barely acknowledges her, and marches right off to catch up to them. Ron regards the girl with faint, but drained wonder.

"How." He looks almost terrified of the answer he's about to receive, but Mayumi simply gives an elegant hair flip.

"Cat nip tea works excellent against sleep deprivation, appearantly." She pauses, "Even if I did cause some of them, I am compensating."

Chapter Text

Hermione was up late on her bed, reading when a crash sounded. Which wasn't anything out of the ordinary, considering she shares a room with Mayu. She peeks out from behind the curtains with all the exasperation of someone tripling the roles of the mom friend, the therapist friend and the depressed friend, and finds a file of cloth, blanket, and limbs on the floor.

There was a lengthy pause and silence, before a hand triumphantly rose from the mess, holding a plastic bag containing something blue. Hermione sighs.

"Mayu. What are you doing."

her reluctant friend's head popped out from an entirely opposite direction with sparking eyes, before the head tilts back and she grins.

"My Anna cosplay arrived."

Chapter Text

 "Also 'Mione, lend me a pen. I need to write a vaguely threatening letter to Harry regarding Dolby's admiration of him so he actually gets him a present."

Now that's something Hermione approves. And shall assist. For once.

The next morning Harry woke up to what he could vaguely describe as 'horror', and on Christmas, Dobby recieved the best, softest sock-themed pair of oven mittens the word has ever seen.

Chapter Text

The long anticipated Yule Ball begins 7 o'clock sharp with the suspicious lack of streamers exploding over everyone's heads, despite the participation of the Twin Gremlins and Mayumi the Menace. In fact the latter is nowhere to be seen. Neither there to laugh when Draco Malfoy dislocates his jaw, nor taking blackmail when Ron Weasley appears in his overly frilly dress robes and trips down the stairs. It gives Harry the worst case of anxiety he's had since- Well since the last time he witness her attempt culinary arts.

And then the speakers started blasting, and Harry resigned himself to the whims of fate, aka Mayumi.

Chapter Text

I really liked a particular artist called Lapin then, so I decided to try out their style. I kinda failed. At least the griffiti effect was nice. Never really got to use it again recently. It's the Marker in Procreate, if anyone's asking.

(2020/07/15)

Found a 'draw the squad' thing on Pinterest, immediately thought of Mayumi, drew it. Poor Hermione. This drawing was done with a thicker line art due to it's more comedic style, I didn't like it at the time since it's so different from Lapin's style, which was what I liked, but looking back, I think it suited the vibe really well.

(2020/07/22)

If Mayumi had instagram— in my many attempts of mimicking Lapin's particular manga-ball-pen style, I heard about the g-pen. This is one of my first time drawing with a G-pen, and what a spatacular struggle (failure) it was. Look at those poorly controlled ends!

(2020/07/24)

This is when I tried out the pastel pallet, still stubbornly sticking to the Lapin lineart, not knowing that I was nowhere near the skill level to master them yet

(2020/07/27)

Something I drew for pride month, while trying out the thicker line style── in the wake of my defeat from the Lapin art style I tried a lot of different styles, practically trying one as soon I I see it.

(2020/10/14)

Going back and trying out the Lapin ball-point pen style, this time on a smaller canvas so the pen would be easier to control but nope, still failing miserably. The information in the blank is nolonger accurate, btw, she was a resident working in the children's department.

(2020/11/30)

This is me trying out a new G-pen before soon after deciding to go at my own pace and give up on the Lapin style. Thin pens are too hard to control. 2021 was not a productive year for me── mainly spent on exams, diploma, my part time jobs and polishing my skill on the g-pen

(2021/7/30)

Over half a year into using a set of G-pen I referenced then modified myself, my artstyle is starting to solidify, and I now have a solid set of pens I use often instead of swapping around with each piece. So some Mayu Multi art style stuff

(2022/2/18)

Flat colouring quick draw, I'm glad how this one turned out! Basically wanting to draw Mayu as not cute or chaotic and ended up with an 'Ara ara mommy' version.

(2022/3/31)

I wanted to draw more pretty Mayumi. So I drew her in a vest I saw in a manhwa and a dress I owned- fun fact. I, wearing that dress as I'm typing. It's a really nice dress. The lines in this one is a little rougher since it's hastily done, but I had more time on th background, so I decided to reference some mountains near my school! Canada have really nice mountains. So again, I'm a sucker for calm Mayu turning into ara ara Mayu, so there you go a night version for this.

(2022/4/6)

I am so happy to see visible improvement in my drawings! I feel like I suck less now.