Chapter Text
Harvey hadn't thought of Donna as the kind of woman who'd want a huge wedding; he figured if she ever found a man worthy of her greatness, they'd elope to Vegas and he'd get a drunk-dial during sex. He'd been sort of looking forward to that.
On the other hand, sometimes there was nothing as satisfying as a huge amount of pomp and circumstance.
Rooey -- whose real name was Angus Rulahan, so Harvey could see why he'd accepted a ridiculous nickname -- wanted a kilt and full regalia, the black coat and the dagger in the sock and everything. Easy enough; apparently you could rent kilts in Manhattan (because if you couldn't get it in Manhattan for at least an hour, it probably didn't exist).
Donna started shopping for gowns. She got halfway through the first Bride Magazine before giving Harvey a look of utter despair. They were all so...dainty.
"What kind of wedding would you have?" she asked, sitting back in one of his office chairs.
"County Clerk's office, with you as witness, and then drinking myself into a stupor so I could forget what I'd just done," he said, swiveling around. She gave him a look. "I'd wear a clean shirt?"
"Boy, Mike is a lucky man."
"You say that like I wouldn't have to convince him to wear a clean shirt too." Harvey shrugged. He hadn't been up to see Mike last week -- midterms -- and he was a little jumpy. "I don't want to do the whole tuxedos and reception thing. Marriage is a legal contract. It provides certain rights and benefits, that's all." He considered it. "If Mike wanted the tuxedo, I'd do that for him. Otherwise I'm not really interested."
Donna narrowed her eyes. "Harvey."
"Yes?"
"I wasn't paying attention to anything you just said, so if it was some kind of emotional declaration, sorry about that. Does Rene do your tuxes?"
"He does the tailoring on them. Why?"
"You think he'd make me one?"
Harvey gave her a look that he meant to be purely professional, appraising her body shape, until he realized it looked like he was ogling her hips.
"Can't hurt to ask," he said with a grin.
The result was worth it for Mike's reaction alone, when Donna walked down the aisle to the very traditional organ music, Rooey waiting for her at the altar. After a stunned second, Mike leaned over to him and hissed, "Donna's in a tux!"
"I know," Harvey answered. "I helped her pick it out."
He wasn't sure he approved of all this emotion he'd been forced to endure lately. Between Donna getting married and Mike being gone and also calling at any hour of the day, sometimes sleep-deprived, to tell him he missed him and reiterate his request for phone sex, it felt suspiciously like he was being asked to care all the time.
On the other hand, Mike was down from Cambridge for another two days, and that was a lot of time to spend intimately reacquainting him with several of the surfaces of their condo. Which was much preferable to Mike's undersized apartment where the neighbors tended to applaud after they'd had sex and there might or might not (the debate was ongoing) be mice living in the walls.
Plus, Mike got drunk at the reception and, by the time they were in the town car heading home, had plastered himself warmly against Harvey's side.
"Do you ever think about getting married?" Mike asked, and then clarified, "To me."
"Yes," Harvey lied. He honestly wasn't looking beyond Mike coming home for good, at this point.
"Liar." Mike waved an unsteady finger under his nose. "Such a liar." He nuzzled up against Harvey's shoulder. "Maaaaarry me."
"Not tonight, I have a headache."
"Look, we have rings and everything," Mike said, poking Harvey's ring.
"Do you want a big wedding like that?" Harvey asked, curious.
"Dunno. Do you?"
"No."
"But you would?" Mike asked earnestly. "Marry me?"
Harvey rubbed Mike's hair, making it stick up in the back. "You have to do all the paperwork and planning if we do."
"Okay," Mike agreed, and fell asleep on his shoulder.
Harvey settled back, confident in a distant future that included a very brief trip to a government office and maybe pizza afterwards.
Donna, that unmitigated monster, gave Mike the name of her wedding planner.
END
NO REALLY, THIS TIME THAT IS THE END.