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Jiang Cheng was bored.
Now, he wasn’t as easily bored as the idle-minded Wei Wuxian who had the attention span of a toddler, but, of course, today his brother was “sick” and had been “sneezing all morning” and “couldn’t possibly attend the Conference that night or else surely, he’d get everyone else sick”- not that Wei Wuxian ever attended the Conferences anyways. He always came up with some terrible excuse or another.
But honestly, Jiang Cheng couldn’t even blame his brother for being such a lazy shit because this Discussion Conference, in particular, was being hosted by Sect Leader Yao , and just seeing that man’s wretched goatee kicked in Jiang Cheng’s fight-or-flight response.
Nie Huaisang had, surprisingly, attended the Conference and was currently trying to either start or stop-Jiang Cheng would never know-a Sect War between the Lin and Feng Sects two tables over.
He and his husband rarely ever got to sit next to each other during these meetings as they didn’t want to draw much attention to their relationship. And, furthermore, Lan Xichen’s efforts were better spent mitigating fights and keeping discussions on track, regardless of whether he was hosting or not.
Jin Ling was sitting by his junior friends, as per usual, hardly paying attention to any of the garbage spewing out of Sect Leader Yao’s mouth. Jiang Cheng couldn’t even scold Jin Ling for it. He wasn’t paying attention either.
He rarely ever did during these meetings.
At that moment, Sect Leader Yao was ranting about how the Nie Sect should trade some of their sabers with his Sect in exchange for cabbages, oblivious to the fact that he’d actually be better off keeping the cabbages because at least they wouldn’t send his disciples into a murderous rage...not that Jiang Cheng was going to say anything. And neither did Huaisang, who, again, wasn’t paying attention either.
So as Jiang Cheng sat at his table, sipping his tea-it was black, unlike how he liked it- listening to the drone of Sect Leader Yao’s irritating voice, his boredom grew and grew-
And thus, like always, he had to take it out on somebody.
“Psst. Lan Wangji.” Jiang Cheng whispered, discreetly nudging his brother-in-law who was also sitting at his table. Jiang Cheng knew him well enough to tell that Lan Wangji was just as bored as he was, though it was far less obvious on his blank face.
“Mn?” Lan Wangji answered, trying his best not to take his eyes off Sect Leader Yao, and feign paying attention.
“I’ve noticed there’s always these two asshole cultivators that bad-mouth pretty much everybody at these Conferences.” Jiang Cheng hissed.
Lan Wangji paused, perplexed, “...Really?”
Jiang Cheng vigorously nodded. “I’ve heard them multiple times!”
“Who are they?” Lan Wangji asked urgently, glancing around the room to seek out the perpetrators.
“Me and you.”
Jiang Cheng watched in triumph as Lan Wangji froze and his face twitched as he tried to hide a smile.
“Have you seen Sect Leader Boh’s hair tonight?” Jiang Cheng whispered, subtly pointing to the man who was emphatically agreeing with every nonsensical thing Sect Leader Yao was saying. “What is he hiding up there?”
“Tax papers.” Lan Wangji muttered bitterly, and Jiang Cheng had to hold back a snort because Sect Leader Boh was notorious for tax evasion.
“What is Sect Leader Nie doing?” Lan Wangji pointed at Nie Huaisang who was currently whispering something in Sect Leader Feng’s ear, behind his fan, causing the man to go red in the face and start shouting at the other Sect Leader sitting at their table.
“Honestly, I think he’s trying to start a war.”
“Again?”
Jiang Cheng nodded, taking another sip of his disgusting tea. “This tea tastes like ass.”
“Worse.”
Jiang Cheng paused, but then nodded affirmatively. “Worse.”
“A-Yuan did not do his hair correctly.” Lan Wangji sounded even more bitter as they glanced towards the juniors who were thumb wrestling with each other under the table.
“Neither did A-Ling!” Jiang Cheng whisper-yelled. Some of the other cultivators sitting at their table briefly looked in their direction, but both he and Lan Wangji schooled their features into perfect masks of polite indifference and they soon looked away. “Is it honestly so hard to follow instructions these days?” Jiang Cheng continued in a quieter voice.
“Mn.” Lan Wangji replied with feeling.
“I told him exactly what hairpieces to use-”
“The correct ribbons to use-”
“A respectable number of braids to have-”
“Children never listen.” Lan Wangi mumbled darkly, despite the fact that the juniors were in their early twenties. Jiang Cheng huffed, agreeing.
“Lan Huan looks like he’s going to faint.” Jiang Cheng sighed, feeling overwhelming sympathy for his husband who was now trying to curb the argument that Nie Huaisang had sparked. The shouting between the Sect Leaders was almost as loud as Sect Leader Yao’s booming voice.
“Mn. My sympathies go out to Brother.” Lan Wangji agreed and then nodded his head in another direction, “Those Sect Leaders’ wives are having an affair with one another.”
Jiang Cheng almost choked on his tea. “ How do you know that? ”
Lan Wangji took a sip of his tea but said nothing in return, eyes twinkling.
“Well good for them.” Jiang Cheng snickered under his breath. “I wish those ladies all the best.”
“Mn.”
“I think A-Ling wants to court the Ouyang boy.” They stared at the group of juniors again. Neither of them missed the way Jin Ling’s stares usually stayed concentrated on Ouyang Zizhen or the way Zizhen’s eyes would light up whenever Jin Ling paid attention to him.
“It’s highly likely.” Lan Wangji agreed. “What are you going to do?”
“Jin Ling is even less romantic than you - no offense.”
“Mn.”
“So what do I do? Let him inevitably make a fool out of himself-?”
“You should not interfere…”
“...But...”
“... But perhaps I could enlist A-Yuan to help him.”
Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened. “That’s actually a great idea. Thanks, Hanguang-jun.”
“No need for thanks.”
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes but grinned nonetheless.
The two went back to discussing - they couldn’t call it gossiping because Lan Wangji did not gossip, it was against the rules- about everything they’d learnt of the cultivators attending the Conference during the past year, just like they did every year. If a Sect Leader was having a child, then they’d argue about who the mother was going to be this time. If one had spent extended time in a particular Sect, then they’d speculate as to who was having an affair or forming a secret alliance with whom.
The only two people they were vaguely kind to was Lan Xichen-because they loved him dearly- and Nie Huaisang- because although they frequently called him out on his bullshit, they didn’t do it from a place of judgment.
But not even the juniors couldn’t completely escape their bad-mouthing.
They were so deep into their discussion, that they failed to notice the utter chaos that had broken loose in the room. Nie Huaisang had successfully brought forth a war between the Lin Sect and the Feng Sect, and a vicious fight had broken out between each Sect’s disciples. Bowls were flying across the room, hot tea was being splashed on unsuspecting faces, and the sounds of swords clanging echoed throughout the hall.
All of the other Sects were looped into the fight as well, having a split second to decide which of the two sects they wanted to support.
The entire room was in an uproar.
Nie Huaisang was grinning behind his fan. Lan Xichen had flung all of the plates and mugs off of their table and laid down on top of it, deciding that he might as well take a nap until the fighting was over.
He’d done his part .
The juniors were hiding under their table in order to avoid the projectiles being flung across the room, but they didn’t look scared. In fact, they had switched to arm wrestling now, and Jin Ling was struggling against a smug Lan Jingyi.
Sect Leader Yao was screaming and his face had gone more crimson than a tomato. He and his disciples were trying to call order to the room, but the chaos persisted.
The only two people who remained seated at their table were Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji who were still deep in conversation.
“...And do you want to know what he said to me?”
“Mn?” Lan Wangji asked, intrigued, pouring some more disgusting tea into Jiang Cheng’s cup.
“Thanks.” They clinked their mugs and downed it like liquor, shuddering at the taste, and then Jiang Cheng continued, “He said ‘I’m sorry Sect Leader Jiang, but that’s not allowed in here.’ Can you believe it?”
Lan Wangji shook his head. “Unacceptable.”
“I know right? A man can’t bring his pet turtle to a single meeting in peace?” Jiang Cheng scoffed. “So I told him, he could take his little ‘I’m sorry’ and shove it up his-”
All of a sudden, a bowl came flying at Jiang Cheng’s head, and he had to duck to evade it.
He and Lan Wangji froze, finally taking in the anarchy around them. At least five people had been stabbed by then, and one of the wounded disciples from the Feng Sect was lying unconscious on their table.
They noticed that some of the Jiang disciples had joined the fight-apparently they’d decided to take the Lin Sect’s side- and a majority of the Lan disciples were meditating off in a corner, choosing to stay neutral with the absence of their leader’s input. Some of the Jin disciples had tried to ask Jin Ling earlier who to side with, but he’d just told them to “Fuck off” and just “Do whatever the Jiangs are doing.”
The Nie disciples had left as soon as the fighting had broken out, dragging an amused Nie Huaisang along with them with fatigued expressions on their faces.
Jiang Cheng scowled, grabbing the bowl that had been thrown at him, and in a loud voice yelled, “I hope whoever threw this bowl was planning to die today!” He stood up, smashing the bowl on the ground, startling the cultivators in his vicinity, and Zidian began sparking crackling angrily on his knuckles.
However, instead of demanding order or getting the pandemonium under control, and using his power and influence for good, Jiang Cheng took this as a prime opportunity to finally take revenge on all of the Sect Leaders who had pissed him off recently.
Sect Leader Boh was on the top of the list-he owed the Jiang Sect a small fortune in taxes- and thankfully, he’d taken the Feng Sect’s side, thus Jiang Cheng had due cause to chase after him with Zidian, with a manic grin on his face.
As soon as Jiang Cheng left, another bowl came flying at their table. This time, Lan Wangji caught it. He climbed on top of the table, narrowly avoided accidentally stepping on the unconscious disciple, and whipped the bowl directly at Sect Leader Yao’s face.
Sect Leader Yao shrieked, falling backwards as the porcelain collided with his face, with a loud smack. His disciples scurried to stabilize him and seek out the perpetrator, but none of them suspected Lan Wangji who was sitting on top of the table, eyes closed, “deep in meditation”.
“Sect Leader Jiang, you can’t attack that Sect Leader! He’s also siding with the Lin Sect, like us!”
“For fuck’s sake. Fine!”
Lan Xichen turned on his side to try and get more comfortable, yawning as he used his arms as a pillow. The table was actually surprisingly comfortable to rest on.
“Lan Huan!”
Lan Xichen’s eyes shot open as he was awakened from his slumber.
Jiang Cheng was standing beside the table, with a grin, Zidian still crackling at his side.
“Want to leave in like 20?” Jiang Cheng asked, pressing a light kiss to his fiance’s forehead.
“Sure, I’ll see you then Wanyin.” Lan Xichen smiled. Jiang Cheng nodded, and then turned around and started strangling a Sect Leader- this one had sent him one-hundred lengthy marriage proposals last month - with Zidian, running off into the chaos once more.
Lan Xichen simply yawned, and then fell back asleep.
~