Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Arthur Pendragon had been confused for a very long time. He had all of a sudden woken up in a hospital—the doctor said that it was because apparently he had drowned in a freak accident and had to be put into an induced coma to survive. The accident was at the end of 2016–it now was the start of 2018, around four months since Arthur had woken up in hospital and he had no idea what was going on with life. He had ended up going to rehab for around two months before his neurologist was satisfied that he was physically able to manage life in the community and decided to release him onto the care of a psychiatrist in order to help him cope with the trauma. 

It wasn’t as though he needed it though! Yes, he had almost died. Yes, things were difficult for a while. But he was ALIVE! Alive and perfectly fine, apart from finding the world rather confusing he was fine. 
He didn’t know why he attended the sessions week after week. He picked up a strange vibe about him—Dr Emrys, yet he still did drag himself to those sessions once a week. 

He was starting to become slightly worried about himself after experiencing dreams of castles and a girl. Always the same girl. Telling him she loved him then always betraying him. Morgana. He knew she was called Morgana, yet he didn’t know much else about her. 

He used to be married, apparently. Someone named Guinevere. They were divorced as of three months before the accident, even despite being his ex-wife she still remained his next of kin. Yet she never did turn up to his bedside table in all the years he was in hospital. No one did. He was all alone in this world. And if he was honest with himself, while he didn’t mind it, at times it could be lonely. 

“Arthur” Merlin greeted as he walked up to the waiting room at the place he held his sessions. “You ready to start the session?”.

“Of course” Arthur grumbled as he followed Merlin to his office. 

“So, Arthur” Merlin said as he grabbed his notepad. “How has this week been?”

“She’s still there. In my dreams. She’s always there”. 

“I take it you haven’t been sleeping well?” Morgause asked. 

“Yeah, I have” Morgana lied. “Just less than usual. It’s just, y’know, this time of year”. January was one of the hardest months for Morgana. While for many it was a happy month—being the first month of the new year, for Morgana it was an awful time of year. The time she was born. The time she was abandoned. The time she was placed in that terrible home. 

Morgause raised an eyebrow skeptically. “I can prescribe something if you need it”.

“That won’t be necessary” Morgana insisted. 

“How are the panic attacks?”

“Not that bad” Morgana shrugged. “Worst at night. Hence being tired”.

Morgause nodded. “I’m going to prescribe something for the panic attacks. It’ll make you feel better”.

“Fine” Morgana sighed as she slumped against the chair. “But it isn’t necessary. Really”.

“You aren’t getting enough sleep, you know you need to. You’re looking after babies all day, Morgana it isn’t good”.

“Since when did you know what is good and what’s not good for me” Morgana snorted. 

“I’m the doctor” Morgause raised an eyebrow. “Okay I’ll write you a prescription soon. How are the dreams?”

“It’s always Arthur. That fucking idiot Arthur”.

“So not much change then” Morgause mused. “You haven’t upped your caffeine intake, have you?”

“Maybe” Morgana muttered. “It’s not like I get a break anyway”. Morgana was a nurse in the NICU at Great Ormond Street hospital.  

“How has work been?” Morgause asked. 

“Not too bad, except since Christmas I’ve been put on the transfers to local neonatal or local hospitals instead so I usually only have an eight hour shift instead”. 

“How many newborns have you looked after per shift?”

“Before Christmas I’d have one alone, now I tend to have another nurse with me . So I have been able to catch a break, I suppose. That and with me being on the transfers, instead of thirteen hours it’s down to eight hour shifts”.

“Even work can see your decline in that case. How much caffeine before work then?” Morgause asked. 

“Just a few espressos. It’s not a big deal”.

“It is a big deal” Morgause emphasised. “You’re not getting enough sleep, therefore rely on caffeine, which this exacerbates your anxiety. Therefore, I’m going to prescribe this anti anxiety medication, you need to take it with dinner every night. That and I’m signing you off work for two weeks”.

“Fine” Morgana sighed as she slumped back into her chair. 

“I want you to come back in three days at eleven o’clock”.

Pissed of with Morgause (as usual. She didn’t know why she went to those sessions), Morgana went to a local cafe near her apartment and ordered herself a latte with a slice of cheesecake. 

She sat down and began to read her book, pouring the scorching latte down the back of her throat, not caring as it burnt her tongue and the back of her throat. 

Morgana’s phone pinged. “U ok?”. She glanced at it and saw that Gwen was texting, sighed and cleared her notifications, going back to her book.

“Sorry—“ someone interrupted, Morgana briefly glanced up to see a rather scruffy-looking tall blond standing there with a coffee cup in his hand. For some reason he looked rather familiar. “There’s no other seats, is it okay if I sit here?”

“Of course” Morgana replied as she chucked her book in her bag. “I was just leaving”.

“Don’t leave on account of me” he said. “I can sit somewhere else if you like? I don’t mind”.

“No, it’s not that” Morgana shook her head. “I have to go anyway”.

“Oh. Okay. See you around” he smiled. Morgana failed to notice as she pulled her coat on, slung her bag over her shoulder and walked out of the cafe, her heels loudly clacking on the floor. 

Arthur sighed. Ever since his release from hospital he hadn’t been able to keep any friendships. It seemed he hadn’t been that popular after his divorce. He tried. He had tried. He’d bought drinks for many girls, tried to get on at work yet to no avail. Only for when he thought coffee wouldn’t be that bad, he only failed again. 

“You look as though you’ve seen a ghost” Morgause commented as she saw Morgana walk into her office. 

“Do I? Well it certainly feels that way” Morgana retorted. 

“What happened?”

“One of the babies in the NICU died. My first loss of the year” Morgana said solemnly. 

“I’m so sorry” Morgause said. “That’s terrible. But Morgana, you’re not supposed to be at work”.

“One of the girls told me. The mother wanted to thank me for all I did”.

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“I suppose. The baby was born at only twenty-four weeks so we did all we can”.

“Anything else going on?”

“I saw him”.

“Saw who?” Morgause asked. 

“The guy from my dreams. He was there, in a cafe”.

“I believe that the signs are something, where he does something. Something you’ve ignored for decades”.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Morgana frowned. 

“The past is like a noose around our necks”.

“Again, what’s that supposed to mean?”.

“The past is always the present and the future. No one can escape it”.

“I know what I saw! I see the same thing, night after night”.

“You saw him?” Morgause asked. “You saw Arthur?”

“I don’t know, Morgause”.

“How’s this week been?” Merlin asked. 

“Not a lot of change”.

“The dreams?”.

“They’ve .... intensified”.

“Intensified?” Merlin frowned. “Any reason?”

“There was a woman” Arthur explained. “I saw her, here in London and … it was too real”.

“Why are you so interested in her?” Merlin asked with a frown as he learnt forward towards his client. “The dreams, now you’re convinced you’re seeing her in person. I know it seems to be the only thing you remember, but why?”

“I’m not the fucking doctor, Merlin, you are!” Arthur snapped. “How am I supposed to know? I do have amnesia, after all”.

“I know” Merlin sighed. “But why her? It’s always her, not anyone else, y’know like your ex-wife, Gwen”.

“I’ve never heard of anyone named Gwen! There is no point in these sessions! Thank you for your time, but I’m just so confused”.

“Okay” Merlin sighed, “I’ll check back with Dr DuLac and see what he says”.

“Thank you Merlin. I’m sorry, it’s not you. I just don’t know what’s going on? I’m so confused”.

“I know, Arthur. I know. These things take time”.

Chapter Text

Morgana sighed as she rushed down the stairs into the tube station. Another overslept morning, another day at work though shorter than the usual twelve hour shifts as she had an earlier shift. Her first day back after the two weeks of sick leave. Once more, starting to run late. 

The hustle and bustle of the city only made her more tired, as people rushed onto the train going about their daily business. 

“Finally” Morgana muttered as she walked out the tube station. Outside the hospital it was much less busy, yet still had a lot of cars given that it was the main London children’s hospital. 

Just in time she thought as she glanced at her watch. As she began to walk up the stairs to the NICU, she saw the fellow night shifters tiredly walking down. Shit. Maybe she was slightly late. 

“You’re back!” Gwen gasped as she saw Morgana walk into the ward. Gwen was one of Morgana’s best friends, after she had started around six months ago. At the time, Gwen had been going through a divorce problems and Morgana was extremely tired from her nightmares so they tended to “buddy up”. They became fast friends and were pretty much inseparable, as the head midwife had found out. 

“I am” Morgana smirked. “How are the babies?”

“One death” Gwen sighed. “But you already knew about that. Let’s see, there’s a few newer ones, we have a one pounder and also one who needs heart surgery”.

“Thanks Gwen” Morgana smiled. “I need to get my schedule”. Morgana quickly received her schedule and (as expected) she had a transfer up to Manchester, so four hours in an ambulance. The ones that were already there two weeks prior and weaning off oxygen, establishing feeding and moving from being bottle or tube fed to breastfed or moving to their local neonatal unit. 

After a consultation from the doctor and talking to the parents, it was time to go into the ambulance and take the long journey up to Manchester. 

Arthur walked around London. He wasn’t sure what to do with life. He had a job but he quickly got fired and to his coma and due to his work gap many places were reluctant to take him on. That and he didn’t want to work, as he had plenty of money anyway. He began to walk into a road—it was the middle of a city so there wouldn’t be that many cars, would there?

Arthur remembered being on the floor and being helped up by someone. 

“Who are you?” Arthur asked with a frown. 

“It’s me, Merlin” the person that helped him greeted. Ah yes, his lovely psychiatrist. 

“Merlin?” Arthur asked as he curled his lip up in distaste. “What are you doing here?”

“Just having a nice horse ride” 

“I didn’t know you had horses” Arthur remarked. “Hi, Merlin’s horse”. Unsure of how to act around the horses, Arthur attempted a bow. The prat ended up on the floor once more. 

“How about I check you over later tonight?” Merlin asked. “I am currently busy, but I shall be free later”.

“You alright there mate?” The woman on the horse next to him asked. She was blonde, and rode a beautiful white horse. 

“He’s just a simpleton” Merlin chuckled. “One of my patients. You’ll be okay, Arthur?”

“Of course” Arthur insisted.

“I think he’s a tad shocked” Merlin chuckled. “That like I have a life outside of work. Anyway, we have places to be”.

“Of course” Arthur eagerly nodded. “It was a pleasure meeting you”.

“Giddy up Kilgharrah!” Merlin exclaimed as he climbed up onto the horse. “We haven’t got all day. Let’s go”. Kilgharrah neighed and they trotted on. Arthur watched as they went off—seemed to be some sort of hospital behind them. Not that it looked much like a hospital. It looked like a regular London building apart from the blue signs with white writing and the NHS logo on—Arthur had come to know these logos after spending a lot of time in hospital. Great Ormond Street Hospital, the children’s hospital. Arthur had heard of it before yet he never knew it was so—well, normal looking. It looked nothing like a hospital, just a regular building in London. 

He continued to walk around yet kept finding himself being drawn back to the hospital. After eating lunch and dinner, it was around four when he walked past the children’s hospital once more. It was clearly shift change—nurses and doctors rushed in and out of the hospital. He found himself transfixed on a certain woman—around average height, stunning green eyes and black hair up in a ponytail that looked just around shoulder length. She looked exhausted as she plugged her headphones into her phone and quickly walked away from Arthur in the other direction. 

“Well, how’s it going?” Merlin asked. After passing the hospital, Arthur headed back to the place he would usually see Merlin. Nightfall had rolled around, the city illuminated with lights amongst the pitch black sky. 

“Meh” Arthur shrugged. “You tell me, mr horse rider”.

“It’s just a hobby” Merlin blushed. “It’s not that big of a deal”.

The door was barged open as a tanned skin blonde walked in. “Well Dr Emrys, I want you on top of me on this desk”.

“Morgause” Merlin hissed. “I have a client”.

“Whoops” she shrugged, blushing slightly.  “Please hurry up. You know we’ve got plans”. She winked before she walked out the room, bending down as she exposed her lacy red thong. 

“Sorry about her” Merlin nervously chuckled. “So, how’d it go?”

“I was at that famous children hospital—GOSH—and she was leaving. I think she works there”.

“Arthur” Merlin said gently. “What are you saying?”.

“I’m saying that she’s real! Not just once seen type thing but proper real!”.

“That’s good then” Merlin smiled. “Now is there anything else you wanted to talk about? As I do have plans so..”.

“Good luck with your plans then” Arthur smirked as he left the room. 

“So he’s finally left then?” Morgause purred as she lay herself down on Merlin’s desk and pulled her already short skirt higher. 

“Aren’t you cold?” Merlin teased. 

“That’s why I’m here. My personal body heater” Morgause smirked. “Well then, why don’t you warm me up?”

“We certainly will” Merlin winked as his lips went crashing onto Morgause’s.

“You should go home to Freya then” Morgause sighed as she put her matching bra and thong back on. “I need a fucking back massage. While it was fun to have you take me over the desk it was painful”.

“Why not keep Cenred waiting a little longer?” Merlin teased. “After all, you might’ve simply had a work situation that made you run late”.

“Now that is a good idea” Morgause purred. “Now, how about that massage?”

A few days later Arthur found himself walking out of his new flat and into the hallway. He had just upgraded his flat and it had a rather nice view and while a part of him would have loved to stay inside and laze around playing Fortnite, his doctor had said that he had to get out of the house for at least a walk around London. Dr DuLac said that simply therapy alone wouldn’t work thus prescribing “nature therapy”, and encouraging Arthur to do something. He had just moved flats so while at first he was busy with the move things had now settled down. 

He was locking up the door when somebody accidentally walked into him. 

“Sorry” she giggled as she played with her hair. “Ooh I’m so sorry. I gotta go, I have work”.

“Me too” Arthur said as he ran after her. 

“And who are you exactly?” Morgana teased as they stepped into the lift. 

“I’m Arthur” Arthur smiled. “And you?”

“I’m Morgana” she replied. “Well, I’d love to stay and chat but I have to get to work. See you around”.

“That you will!” Arthur exclaimed. 

Chapter Text

Morgana had seemed to bump into Arthur a lot as of late. While they were flat mates so it was expected, she just didn't realise exactly how much they'd see each other. It was around eight in the morning after Morgana had just finished the night shift; quite a tiring ordeal as usual. While usually she did feel somewhat euphoric after a night shift, eventually the tiredness would settle in and all she would want to do was get into bed after having something to eat. 

She lazily trudged to the door of the apartment and took the lift up to her floor. That was a long night. And she was absolutely starving. She was putting the key into her flat and beginning to unlock it when she heard somebody next to her opening their flat door.

"Hi Morgana" Arthur smiled. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

"It sure is" Morgana agreed. "Gosh I'm so tired though, had the night shift. Going to have to have breakfast and then go to sleep".

"Well" Arthur smiled coyly. "I just made some nice breakfast and there is no way I'll be able to eat it all on my own. Why don't you join me?"

"Okay" Morgana smiled. "Let's have breakfast".

Arthur asked morgana what she wanted for breakfast—she was having whatever he was having—so they ate egg with toast, followed by pancakes.

"Do you have tea or coffee?" Arthur asked.

"Usually coffee" Morgana smiled. "Yet as I have to sleep soon could I have tea please?"

"Actually, I make a rather nice hot chocolate if you'd like that".

"I'd love that" Morgana smiled. She waited on the sofa while Arthur made himself a tea and her a hot chocolate, they soon sat on the sofa together as they watched the news and sipped their drinks.

"Should we change it?" Arthur asked. "I mean they're going on about Aussie flu again I will say it's rather depressing". He looked to the smaller woman—she was asleep and resting her head on his shoulder. He smiled at her and gently tried to put his cup down. Picking her up in his arms, he gently transferred her to his bed. Satisfied that she was comfortable, Arthur went to the kitchen and checked his calendar. What was he going to do today? Well with his neighbour asleep in his bed, there wasn't much he could do, so he opted to gather ingredients together for lunch—pasta bake. The recipe that Arthur was using would take at least a few hours and seeing as Arthur had the time to spare he may as well get on with it. Even Merlin would approve.

Merlin. He had therapy in the afternoon again, as usual, every Friday. Morgana was asleep in his bed and based on when he last checked on her, she had no plans whatsoever on waking up, being fast asleep. Though his appointment wasn't until the afternoon so it was likely she would wake up—while leaving the pasta in the oven Arthur turned on the TV and flicked through the channels. Everything was either boring or depressing, so he soon switched to his PS4 and resumed his Fortnite game—with the sound off; he didn't want to wake Morgana and she looked exhausted.

A few hours later at around twelve, the lunch was ready so he went to check on Morgana. Still asleep. He let her be and sat alone at the table as he ate his lunch, reading a book named 'The road to Avalon' at the same time. He'd just started the book, yet he was enjoying it rather much, getting to know the characters in the book. Someone named Merlin, who was Morgan's father, and also the father of the Arthur character's mother. Strange he couldn't help but think as he read through the pages.
Arthur glanced at the clock. Time to go see Dr Emrys. He ripped some paper off a notepad on the fridge and grabbed a pen, hastily writing. 'Morning Morgana. You fell asleep on the sofa so I loved you to my bed. I'm currently out at a doctors appointment but feel free to help yourself to anything. Left your bag and phone on the bedside table. Call me if you need anything, Arthur'
He made sure to grab his Oyster card after scribbling down his number, then picked up his phone, headphones and his wallet and of course his coat seeing as was the end of January before he headed off down the the tube and took the train to his therapy clinic. He waited in the waiting room, normally Merlin was right on time. Yet this time he wasn't for some reason.

"Excuse me" Arthur said as he went over to the reception desk. "I'm supposed to have an appintment with doctor Emrys yet he hasn't come to collect me. I was wondering if I should head to his room?"

"Sounds like a wise idea" the receptionist nodded. "You head down there and if he isn't there I'll ring him, although he should be there".

Arthur went down the corridor and through the twists and turns until he got to Merlin's room. Not bothering to knock, and not bothering to look through the window on the door he barged in.

"Dr Emrys, we have an—oh bloody hell!".
The blonde woman dressed in black lay down on the desk. While Merlin's chair faced the door as usual, the patient faced away. Merlin was sat on the desk with his head under the woman's dress right in between her creamy yet slightly tanned legs.

"Yes, Merlin, yes!" She moaned as she reached her climax.

"Ahem!" Arthur shouted. He just wanted the ground to swallow him up whole—he had never been so humiliated in his life.
"Merlin" the woman purred. "There's someone here to see you".

"Arthur" Merlin gasped as he turned around. He was about to offer his hand before he realised it better not to, instead deciding to grab some tissues. "What are you doing here?"

"It's Friday afternoon" Arthur drawled. "We have an appointment, like we do every Friday afternoon".

"Didn't you get my email?" Merlin frowned. "We changed the sessions to Thursdays".

"Ah!" Arthur remarked. "Is that the weird blue thingy with an envelope? The letters on the little phone box".

"Yes Arthur" Merlin nodded.

"Ah yes" Arthur wondered what to say. "It won't happen again. I'll let you get back to your..." Arthur raised his eyebrows. "Girl".

By the time Arthur returned, Morgana still seemed to be asleep so he knocked on the bedroom door.

"Come in" she called. She was sat up in the bed as she did something on her phone. "How'd it go?"

"Terribly" Arthur laughed. "I forgot how to use the phone, and it turns out my appointment was cancelled".

"Oh dear" Morgana chuckled. "That still doesn't explain why you're blushing. It's not because of me, is it? I should be heading back to mine anyway I'm sure you have things to do".

"I caught my therapist eating out some blondie" Arthur blurted out.

"Oh dear" Morgana chuckled again. "No wonder you look traumatised".

"So awful" Arthur agreed as he shook his head. "Terrible. Just terrible".

"So you know to always be patient then and not let your big head take the lead" Morgana teased.

"My head is big because it has this thing called a brain, it makes me smart" Arthur retorted.

"And that's why you're so big headed" Morgana grinned. 

“I have amnesia” Arthur announced. 

“Oh” Morgana looked surprised. “Shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t know”. 

“It’s okay” Arthur shrugged. “I haven’t really told many people. You weren’t to know”. 

Morgana looked away awkwardly then cleared her throat, “I should head back to mine".

"Stay a little longer?" Arthur pouted. "I made lunch".

"Maybe another time" Morgana winked. "But for now I ought to go. Don't want to mess up the sleep schedule, working nights and all".

"Of course" Arthur nodded. "I'll let you get on with it. See you later?"

"You'll have to wait and see" Morgana winked. "See you around then".

"You sure will!"

Morgana had just woken up in her own bed. While it was nice of Arthur to move her to his bed, there was no feeling like waking up in your own bed. She checked her phone—six o'clock so it was definitely "normal" time for her back-to-back nights. Time to wake up then. She was slightly surprised at hearing someone knocking at the door; yet went to answer it anyway. Arthur. Holding a plate.

"Arthur" she greeted.

"How are you?" Arthur asked.

"I'm good" Morgana smiled. "Just woken up and have the next shift at work in a couple of hours. What's that?"

"Dinner" Arthur smiled. "I made you some dinner. Pasta bake".

"That's so sweet" Morgana smiled. "I'll have it after my work. I'll see you around".

"You sure will" Arthur smiled.

"What's gotten you smiling like that?" Gwen asked. Morgana was early for once, having a dreamy smile on her face.

"Nothing" Morgana insisted.

"Or is it a certain someone" Gwen teased.
Morgana rolled her eyes. Gwen knew her too well.

 "There's some guy who just moved into the apartment next to mine. He is, well, he's amazing".

"Maybe it's time for you to get back on the dating spectrum after all" Gwen winked.

Chapter Text

“Well isn’t it nice to see you like this” Morgause remarked as she sat down in her chair. “Less tired. So I take it you’re sleeping better?”

“That I am” Morgana confirmed. “Even though last week I had the night shift and I’ve just moved back to days after only one day off, so I assumed it would be rather fucked up”.

“Well I’m glad to hear about that” Morgause smiled. “And how is work going?”

“It’s going pretty well. Not too many babies in lately. A few ‘late term’ preemies who have needed surgery. Some touch and goes but otherwise turned out okay”.

“So it’s all going well then?” Morgause said as she took down notes. “Work all seems okay?”

“It seems that way” Morgana smiled. “There was one micro-preemie who we discharged a few days ago. If I’m being honest, even though we are having more babies directed in our direction with flu season, it’s been OK. We did have a baby with undetected CDH but they got their surgery done and have been transferred to a regular ward”.

“That’s great!” Morgause exclaimed. “So it sounds as though despite the fact that you expected to have to work harder it all turned out better then?”

“It sure has” Morgana agreed with a nod. 

“Are you sure it’s just work changes?” Morgause raised her eyebrows. “Or have there been any other major circumstantial changes?”

“Maybe” Morgana blushed. “Could be because it’s now February even if it has just begun, although there might be a different reason. There’s this guy that I keep bumping into and as I said—the guy—I mean, Arthur, he well”.

“Well what?” Morgause smiled and snapped simultaneously. “Out with it child”.

“He moved into the flat next to me” Morgana admitted with a grin. 

“Did he now?” Morgause teased. “So that‘s going well then, I suppose?”

“Yeah” Morgana smiled. “Yeah, it is. It’s certainly made an improvement on my life. He seems rather sweet. Made me lunch and breakfast”.

“Aha!” Morgause gasped as she leant closer to her client. “So, that is a sign”.

“I want to believe that it’s a sign” Morgana admitted. “I really do. But I just don’t know how to”.

“That’s good” Morgause smiled. “Now, as I said on the email, we have to cut this session short as I have an appointment, seeing as the doctors don’t collect blood tests after five”.

“Of course” Morgana said as she stood up and put her coat back on. “Good luck. I’ll let you get to it then. Next week?”

“Yes, as usual” Morgause nodded. “But I’ll let you know if there are any changes”.

“Bye” Morgana smiled as she walked down the corridor. 

Arthur was happily sat down as he waited for Merlin to get back to him. Normally he tended to be in a rather foul mood yet today he left the session in a good mood—which was surprising especially since he had an awkward encounter between Merlin and his girlfriend last session. 

He noticed that same blonde walking down the corridor seeming to be talking to someone. Long black hair, green eyes, pale skin. There was no mistaking who it was. 

“Morgana” Arthur called out

“Oh hi Arthur” Morgana smiled as she went over to him, the blonde chuckled and told her “I’ll sign you out” as she walked over to the reception desk. “Its good to see you. So this is your new session then?”

“Yup” Arthur popped the p. “Every Thursday afternoon. How’s work?”

“Pretty good. We’ve been busy as of late what with flu season but it’s been good anyway”.

Arthur smiled sympathetically. “That’s good to hear”.

“Yeah. How are things with you?” Morgana asked. 

“Well” Arthur lowered his voice. “I think it’s a bit awkward. I don’t know how to tell you this, don’t tell anyone else but well ... it’s mortifying”.

“Go on then” Morgana smirked as she sat down next to Arthur. “Tell me. What is it?”

“You see him there, at the desk—Dr Emrys?”

“Yeah” Morgana replied. 

“And the person he’s talking to—dunno her name so I’m calling her blondie”.

“Dr King” Morgana corrected. “She’s my doctor. Anyway, you were saying”.

Arthur briefly looked over at the desk before turning to Morgana. “Last week, I’m sure you remember that I was traumatised”.

“It was amusing” Morgana interrupted with a smirk. 

“Anyway” Arthur continued. “So Merlin—Dr Emrys—was eating out Morgause over the desk”.

“What the hell!” Morgana squealed. Arthur looked at her alarmed and quickly covered her mouth, the two friends looking at each other laughing. “You’re joking” Morgana whispered. “I mean there is no way they’re together”.

“Appears that they are. I mean, look at them”. Morgana glanced in the same direction as Arthur where the duo appeared to be flirting and gossiping simultaneously. 

“And I thought they were doctors, not bloody high school or college teenagers” Morgana muttered sarcastically. 

“Okay, let’s have a word then” Merlin said as he came over to Arthur, going into a side corridor. “I’ll speak to Dr DuLac and see what he says. It’ll probably be something along the lines of us looking into your past and looking at your notes and seeing more into the accident”.

“Yeah...I never did know what had happened with the accident” Arthur drawled. “Now if you don’t mind, I have things to do. Not all of us are so hopeless we start shagging our poor work colleagues her over there” Arthur pointed over at Morgause. 

Merlin rolled his eyes. “You’re really hilarious aren’t you? Well, was that your girlfriend I saw in the reception?”

“She’s not my girlfriend” Arthur scoffed. “We just happen to know each other”.

Merlin rolled his eyes again and gently patted Arthur’s shoulder. “Sure. If you say so. I’ll be in touch with Dr DuLac and we shall see how things are at your next appointment”.

“Okay, thank you” Arthur smiled. “I’ll let you get back to your girl”.

“She’s not my girl” Merlin muttered. 

“Well you cheating scum then” Arthur scowled as he made his way back to reception. “Shall we head of then?”

“Yeah” Morgana said. “I was waiting for you”.

“You’re the sweetest aren’t you” Arthur teased. 

“What can I say, sometimes it’s hard to be modest when you have guys like you around” Morgana grinned as they walked outside the building. The cold February winter air hit them as soon as they had walked out into the bustling city. 

“So you go here every week too” Arthur broke the silence. 

“Yeah” Morgana sighed. “I come here too. I guess it’s a standard to have regular counselling as I do work in a very stressful line of work”.

“I come here because of an accident I had back in 2016” Arthur explained. “Coma. I had some sort of accident and ended up with amnesia afterwards”.

“You mentioned you had amnesia but not the accident!” Morgana gasped. “Oh wow. That’s, terrible”.

“I don’t know to be fair” Arthur shrugged. “I mean, apparently just before the accident I’d just divorced my ex-wife and well, it’s been lonely but rather good I suppose since”.

“Yeah, I guess it can be. Even being in the city it can still feel ... lonely. Yeah I have my work mates and all but they all live all over the country and commute into London, so it’s different”.

“I don’t know about you” Arthur began. “But...ever since meeting you it all seems to have changed”.

Their eyes met in a gaze. “I feel the same way too” Morgana admitted. 

“I’m glad” Arthur smiled as he leant down to her. His lips met hers for a passionate intense moment before they parted. 

“I’ll see you around” Morgana smiled as she unlocked her apartment. “I’ve got your number, I’ll text you”.

“Have a good night”.

Chapter Text

After working for what felt like non-stop, Morgana had a few days off for annual leave. She had been working over Christmas, as she tended to do, wanting to avoid the magic that came to London with Christmas time so instead took a week off in February, would go back for Valentine’s Day week and then take another week off. Endless people shopping, people rushing to get the best presents for their family members, family. Not that she had any. They did say that friends became your family, and that did seem to be the case. Yet it still hurt. Seeing those families in the adverts, happy and content. Why couldn’t she have that? 

Instead she was saddled with the trauma of the past, the consequences and life. Life would always be hard, and Morgana knew that. Yet she managed to keep going, somehow. Day by day. As usual, it had been a rather difficult Christmas, followed by a shitty January (as expected); as of late things only seemed to be on the rise up. She smiled at her phone as she saw Arthur texting her once more. 

‘No work today?’

Morgana quickly replied. ‘Nope [smiling emoji] Annual leave for the week, so not much to do. Planning to do absolutely nothing, just relax, sleep and maybe start something new on Netflix’.

‘How disappointing [sad emoji] I’ve been feeling rather lonely, especially since it’s the season of love next week. Care to join me one time?’

Morgana smiled and began typing her reply. ‘Okay, if you say so [rolling eyes emoji] [grinning emoji]. Season of love isn’t here yet, Valentine’s Day is next week! How about coffee, at one ish?’

‘Okay, I’ll pick you up then [smiling emoji]’. 

The day went extremely slowly for Arthur. He was a morning person, didn’t mind at all waking up and liked to start his day with a hearty breakfast and cup of tea. Which he ended up eating alone, given that Morgana had decided that she would go back to sleep. He smiled as he waited outside Morgana’s door, his hair swept to one side, dressed in a shirt and jeans with a trench coat. 

“Hey” Arthur said as Morgana opened her door. 

“Hey” she smiled as she leant on the doorframe. 

“Well, you ready?”

“I am” Morgana smiled. “Let’s go”.

“Any particular place you want us to go?” Arthur asked as they walked down Canary Wharf. 

“Yeah. Follow me”. Hand in hand, Arthur and Morgana walked down the road until Morgana stopped at a local cafe. 

“I remember this place” Arthur smiled as she walked in. “I think this was where I first saw you”.

“Really?” Morgana asked. “When was that?”

“Start of January I think. There weren’t any other seats, so I asked to sit opposite you but you ran away”.

“I think I can remember that” Morgana thought back to the beginning of January. “Yet I do try to block out that time”.

“Any reason why? If you don’t mind me asking”.

“Not at all” Morgana shook her head. “I’ll tell you over coffee”. Arthur paid for his and Morgana’s coffee, alongside a slice of cake each. They found a nice little secluded table in the corner for two. Nice and private for their first date. 

“So what do you do?” Arthur asked as he stirred his coffee. 

“I’m a midwife” Morgana smiled. 

“Really?” Arthur’s eyes widened. “That’s actually really cool. You deliver newborn babies? And look after people in hospital”

“Yes” Morgana nodded as she sipped at her coffee. “Well usually I deliver babies. I went back to university for a year and took a course in neonatal nursing so I can also do that“. 

“Don’t you work at that big children’s hospital? I think I’ve seen you around a few times”.

“Great Ormond Street Hospital?” Morgana asked. Arthur nodded. “Yes. That’s the one. It’s so hard but so, so rewarding at the same time”.

“I bet it is. Seeing the children get better over time”.

“Yes. Not always though. I actually had a death at the start of January and it ... it’s been a bit of a struggle ever since then”.

“I can imagine” Arthur sympathised. 

“So what do you do?” Morgana asked. 

“Me?” Arthur asked. Morgana nodded. “I, uh don’t work. I used to but”.

“You got fired?” Morgana interrupted with a grin. 

“I did” Arthur bowed his head solemnly. “I did. Hated it anyway so”.

“Fair enough” Morgana shrugged. “Do you do much then?”

“I’ve been playing Fortnite a lot” Arthur laughed as Morgana groaned and rolled her eyes. “Also trying to do a bit of reading. My current book is ‘The Road to Avalon’ which is rather interesting. There’s a guy called Arthur in there and his wife is called Guinevere, I’m Arthur and my ex wife was apparently Guinevere too”.

“That’s actually rather interesting” Morgana raised her eyebrows. “I read it a couple of years ago and loved it”.

“It’s really good so far” Arthur agreed. 

“So how’s its going?” Morgana wondered. 

“Well one day, I see this beautiful woman” Arthur grinned. 

“Do tell” Morgana teased. 

“It’s you” Arthur said quietly. 

“I know” Morgana smirked as she leant in to kiss him. 

After her one week off, Morgana returned to work. Arthur and Morgana had a great week together, Morgana showing Arthur around London almost every day. Yet it wasn’t only that. Arthur went back to Morgana’s apartment, they regularly ate dinner and lunch together and would often spend their evenings together before Arthur (or Morgana) went back to their own apartment. One night while talking, they’d concluded that they were indeed boyfriend and girlfriend. It was still early days and they’d opted to take things slow, Morgana due to her past trauma and Arthur given that he had never had sex before (that he could remember, anyway). With Morgana back at work, it meant that she was back to her twelve hour shifts and she’d often stay longer sometimes, so she’d end up leaving home very early and getting back rather late. Suffice to say, Arthur and Morgana didn’t have that much time for each other, yet Arthur always made sure to make time for her. In-between her sessions with Morgause, work and getting a decent sleep schedule, Morgana had very little free time. Arthur had been considering a job yet wasn’t really the most sure. He could afford to not work, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to work anyway. 

Morgana smiled as she sat down at Morgause’s desk. Yet there was a somewhat worried glint in her eye, which Morgause did notice. 

“You look happy” Morgause smiled as she opened up her notebook. 

“Yeah” Morgana agreed. “Arthur and I have started dating”. 

“Congratulations!” Morgause offered. “That’s good. But ...”.

“I’m nervous, of course” Morgana bowed her head. 

“That’s ... that’s natural, with any new partner, Morgana” Morgause sighed. “Yet if you ask me, you’ve been doing well as of late, despite the circumstances”.

“We’ve agreed to take things slow” Morgana said. “He has amnesia so can’t remember ever having sex, obviously with me I’m bound to be cautious anyway after what he did to me”.

“That’s completely normal”.

“But I don’t want things to go back to the way they were before” Morgana admitted. “This is like...like nothing I’ve ever felt before”.

Arthur was fed up with his therapy. Yet he knew that he was getting somewhat better and it was good for him. Nature therapy had worked absolute wonders for him, as he and Morgana walked along the River Thames hand in hand. 

“You look happy today” Merlin commented as he sat on the couch. 

“I’ve met this beautiful woman” Arthur smiled. “And she’s... she’s the only thing in colour.  I mean, suddenly there’s hope again”.

“I’m glad that you’re finding hope again Arthur” Merlin smiled. “So I take it that this week has been rather good then”.

“Yeah, uh. We spent a lot of it together, she showed me around London and I had the best time”.

“So I take it that you went near the River Thames then?” Merlin said as he began writing notes on his notepad. 

“Oh yeah. Yeah, we did. Crossed over the millennium bridge I think it’s called? Something to do with death eaters in Harry Potter. Trying to make my way through that”.

“And how did that make you feel?” Merlin asked. 

“Numb” Arthur admitted. “Just ... numb. I didn’t know how to feel about it, and that’s the problem.  Usually when I’m around her, I feel nothing but absolute happiness. Yet there and then ... nothing”.

A/N: So, as a part of my New Years resolution I’m going to try and update this story every Thursday now (and seeing as I’m back in lockdown!)

Chapter Text

 Morgana was having a good week at work despite the fact that she would only work for one week. She’d intentionally make sure to work Valentine’s Day as opposed to moping alone at home. While the majority of the babies remained the same, none were that unstable and there weren’t any new babies and the majority that had been on the ward the week before had now been transferred to the NICU or SCBU closer to their homes, and she didn’t have to do as many transfers instead staying in the ward. The baby Morgana had to look after had just had a major surgery, so remained on oxygen in an incubator but seemed to be doing well. Many parents were pleased to see her and she took the routine observations half hourly as standard, feeling as though she had barely any time to do anything in-between the paperwork, patient notes, checking on her patients and supporting the parents. 

While GOSH was within walking distance of Morgana’s flat, it was too cold and dark so she walked down the tube alongside Gwen, separating to go on to their respective stops. Nelson Square was a forty minute walk or ten minutes on the tube or twenty minutes on the bus depending on traffic (so almost always longer), so sometimes it was quicker to walk than take the tube (especially during rush hour and given that Morgana had to change trains), yet Morgana couldn’t be bothered.  Given that it was 7:30pm, therefore past rush hour, Morgana sunk into the seat on the tube with a heavy sigh and put her headphones in. She glanced over at the doors as they arrived at Leicester Square and got off to change to the Central line. As she got onto the next train, she sat down and noticed someone waving at her as the train stopped at Charing Cross. 

“Hi Morgana” Morgause greeted with a cough into her arm. “How are you?”

“I’ve been doing well” Morgana smiled. “Just got off work. You?”

“Bleh” Morgause replied as the doors shut and the tube went off. 

“You sure?” Morgana frowned. “You look a little green”.

“Just nauseous” Morgause muttered. “I’m okay though”. Morgause was not okay, she threw up all over the tube with onlookers looking disgusted, having worked in hospitals Morgana was immune to this sort of thing and attempted to help Morgause, standing up and offering her seat with a bottle of water and carrier bag. 

“I’m the doctor” Morgause muttered. “Not you”.  

“I know” Morgana replied. “I work in a hospital. I’m used to it”.

“This is so humiliating” Morgause murmured. 

“Which stop you getting off at?” Morgana asked. 

“Embankment” Morgause replied. “So next stop”.

“Take care” Morgana offered. 

“You too” Morgause smiled as she stepped of the tube onto the platform. Instead of fussing around changing to another train, Morgana got off at Waterloo and walked back home to her apartment. She was somewhat expecting to see Arthur as she unlocked the door and went in with a sigh, taking her shoes off and getting her dinner ready. 

Usually, Arthur would tend to be around during the evenings when Morgana would get home from work. Instead, he insisted on having an appointment with Dr DuLac as soon as possible, with his only free spots being rather late in the evening. So Arthur went down to the tube and took it to the one nearest to St Thomas’ hospital. After asking many people for directions, he found his way to Neurology and signed himself in and waited for Dr DuLac. 

“Arthur Pendragon” Dr DuLac said with a smile, leading Arthur though to his office. 

“So, how have things been?” Dr DuLac asked as he sat down. 

“Still can’t remember a thing about well, anything. Still unemployed, not much of a change except I now have a girlfriend”.

“Congratulations” Lancelot remarked. “Just a question Arthur, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to”.

“Okay, sure” Arthur said. “What is it?”.

“Have you had sex since having your memory back?”

“I’m the Virgin Mary” Arthur laughed. “In all seriousness though, no I haven’t had sex. Can’t remember what it’s like, haven’t done it in a while. My girlfriend and I have kissed, otherwise not much really”.

“Okay” Dr DuLac said as he jotted down some notes. “So from what I can tell, your previous address was in Salisbury”.

“I used to live in a shop?” Arthur arched an eyebrow looking confused. 

“No” DuLac frowned. “You used to live in a house in Salisbury”.

“But Salisbury’s a shop, isn’t it?” Arthur asked. 

“Ah, I think you mean Sainsbury’s” Dr DuLac chuckled. “No, Salisbury is a place. Where you used to live with your wife”.

“What was her name?” Arthur asked. 

“Guinevere”. 

“Guinevere” Arthur repeated. He rather liked the way that the name rolled off his tongue. Yet not as much as Morgana. 

“That’s right” Dr DuLac said. Dr DuLac gave Arthur his old address with a view of Arthur going to his old place within the next few months, hoping for a discharge too within the near future. Before heading home, Arthur stopped off at the local cafe, signing up for a job at the small place, then headed back home. 

He knocked on Morgana’s door and waited for her to answer. She answered with a yawn, her face makeup free and in some silk pyjamas. 

“Hey stranger” Arthur greeted. “You look tired”. 

“I am” Morgana confirmed. “Was about to sleep. Long shift in the morning. Where were you?”

“I was with my doctor for my amnesia” Arthur sighed. “And, he wants me to go to my old place to investigate my past. I’m so sorry, I won’t be here next week while you’re on leave. It’s going to be long, so don’t come with me”.

“Don’t be ridiculous” Morgana scoffed. “I’m coming with you”.

“Can you even get time off work?”

“I’m off next week. How does then sound?”

“That sounds perfect” Arthur smiled. “Let’s book a hotel and car”. 

Chapter Text

Given that neither Morgana nor Arthur had a car as they lived in London and it wasn’t necessary, Arthur decided to hire a car for their trip away. As planned, Morgana had the the week off, so they woke up early on Monday to drive to Salisbury. Morgana didn’t exactly trust Arthur with driving yet, so opted to drive on the way down there for the two hour journey. 

“Are we there yet?” Arthur drawled around twenty minutes into the trip. 

“Arthur, we’re still in London!” Morgana exclaimed. Though the trip was said to take two hours, it didn’t account for the London traffic so was likely to be closer to three hours by the time they were out of traffic. And it wasn’t even rush hour, just a normal day in London. 

“Oh” he said flatly. “Well, fuck. Turns out it’s always taken ages to get all over the country, even in the road to Avalon. Although apparently I kept escaping to get to you”.

“I saw” Morgana smirked. “Shame we can’t apparate like in Harry Potter”.

“I’ll do that one next then” Arthur declared. “So in my book, Morgause is your aunt and Merlin is your grandfather”.

“Your therapist’s called Merlin” Morgana pointed out. 

“And yours is called Morgause and they’re dating” Arthur smirked. “I don’t get it though ... why can’t they just have sex at home? Unless maybe they’re married or something”.

“Yeah, they’re married.” Morgana nodded. “Well, she’s married. And not to him”.

“Well shit, a workplace affair going on or what then” Arthur scoffed. 

“I’m sure it’s more than that” Morgana lowered her voice even though they were in the car. “I think Morgause is pregnant”.

Arthur raised his eyebrows. “No way! How’d you know?”

“She threw up everywhere on the tube” Morgana shuddered at the memory. “She’s emotional. Blood tests”.

“You’re a smartass, you know that” Arthur grinned. 

“I suppose so” Morgana smirked. “Either that or I’m a midwife that knows the early pregnancy symptoms and can spot them a mile of”.

“Touché” Arthur agreed. 

“Not that I’ve ever been pregnant, but I reckon I’d probably know from implantation”.

“What’s that?” Arthur asked. 

Morgana looked at him, her confused for a moment. Then she remembered he has amnesia. “It’s where well, after sperm meets egg and then implantation is where a women gets pregnant”.

“And a miscarriage is where it doesn’t implant?”

“Sorta” Morgana shrugged. She wasn’t in the mood to discuss miscarriages. “And finally! Out of London”. They arrived in Salisbury after stopping at a service station for lunch. Morgana was rather tired so Arthur offered to drive, not that she let him and insisted on driving. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him. She hadn’t known him long at all and she did trust him. She had a bad feeling, and having herself in control of the car helped. On the way there, they decided to stop at their first sight—the stone henge. 

“And what exactly is this stone peng?” Arthur asked. 

“Stone henge” Morgana corrected with a laugh. “It’s a, um. It’s actually a historical landmark. People say it’s from the Anglo Saxon times, maybe King Arthur or something, I don’t know much about it”.

“Hm. King Arthur” Arthur raised his eyebrows. 

“I didn’t pay attention in history that much if you can’t tell” Morgana blushed. 

“I don’t even remember my history lessons or anything about school if it makes it better” Arthur offered. 

“It does actually” Morgana chuckled. “I wouldn’t mind forgetting mine. Loved high school and hated it at the same time?”

“So does everyone really sing we’re all in this together?”.

Morgana blanched. “No. Not at all. On the last day, yeah. But that’s it really”.

“Life really is fucking bleak isn’t it” Arthur remarked. 

“Join the club” Morgana agreed. 

“And then I met you” Arthur smiled. 

“Likewise” Morgana smiled. “Well, we’re at Stonehenge”.

“Bloody hell!” Arthur exclaimed. “Those stones are massive”.

“I can imagine it as though something from the Disney movie Brave” Morgana said. 

“How the hell did they get there?” Arthur wondered. 

“I guess that’s why they’re one of those wonders of the world or something or other”.

“I guess so” Arthur agreed as he kissed Morgana. They spent just over twenty minutes there given it was freezing before they headed over to Salisbury. It was too early to check into their hotel still—they couldn’t check in until three o’clock so decided to park up and go towards Arthur’s old house. It was a terraced on a street, right in the middle. A few leading up to it, Edwardian terraced style. 

“You ready?” Morgana asked as she placed her hand on Arthur’s shoulder. 

“I suppose so” Arthur sighed. He rung the doorbell, someone answered almost immediately. A blonde with a long plait wearing jeans. 

“Can I help you?” She asked. “Do I know you from somewhere?”

“I used to live here” Arthur said. “Actually, let me introduce myself. I’m Arthur Pendragon, I used to live here. Three months after I left this place I was involved in an accident and now I suffer from amnesia. Is it okay if I have a look around the place to see if I can trigger my memories back?”

“‘Solde” someone, probably the woman’s husband was behind them. He strutted up the door and leant on her. “Look here mate, Isolde and I don’t affiliate with your kind. I suggest you leave us alone, or I’ll call the police”.

“Tristan, he has amnesia” Isolde hissed. “He’s got his girlfriend with him. We can keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid”.

Tristan looked Arthur up and down. 

“Hi” Arthur smiled and waved. 

“Seems like he’s a simpleton” Tristan muttered. “Alright, let him in then, but constant vigilance”.

Arthur couldn’t help but feel rather frustrated with himself as he lay in bed that night waiting for Morgana to finish her bedtime routine. He’d been to his old house, old workplace, all the old coffee shops that he used to go to with Guinevere. He still couldn’t remember a bloody thing. Not even a familiar smell or sound, couldn’t remember anything from the way things looked, absolutely zilch. Yet there was still tomorrow and Sunday. Tomorrow was another day. 

Morgana sighed as she leant on the side of the bathtub. She turned the cold tap on and washed her face again. Looked into the mirror. Red rimmed eyes, tangled unbrushed hair, dark circles surrounded her eyes and her skin was eerily pale, much more than usual. She hadn’t had a nightmare in ages, so it was inevitable enough that it would happen at some point. He was there, naturally. As she always did, she put a smile on her face and went back to bed, this time managing to sleep through the night. 

After breakfast, Morgana and Arthur went to a place named ‘old Sarum’. It was a large hill of some sort, apparently Arthur liked that sort of thing so they decided to go there and have a look around. It was rather interesting to both Arthur and Morgana, they both took a while to look around and went up to the top in time for their picnic lunch. Morgana and Arthur stood and looked across the horizon. 

“God have mercy” Arthur muttered. Morgana didn’t hear. There was too much happening inside her head. Images of a pit. A long dark pit. Being engulfed in chains, with a little white dragon. The screams of the dragon. Her heart rate began to speed up and her breathing became erratic. 

“Morgana!” Arthur’s voice pulled her out of it. “Are you okay?”

“Of course” Morgana nodded. “Why’d you ask?”

“You just, well. You seemed out of it temporarily”.

“Oh it’s nothing” Morgana shrugged it off with a smile. “Just thought I ... never mind. It isn’t important. I’m starving”.

“Me too” Arthur agreed as he bit into his sandwich. 

Another day, and no further. They went to the cathedral and church afterwards, not that anything changed. Arthur still had no memory. After checking out of the hotel on Monday morning, they’d head back to London so decided to drive to Glastonbury Tor and spend all day there. 

“Remind me again” Arthur panted as he put his hands on his knees. “Why I agreed to go hiking up a hill with you”.

“Calm down” Morgana rolled her eyes. “You’re fine!”

“I am not fine!” Arthur insisted. “I am half dead. Good grief woman, how are you managing to walk uphill so fast”.

“Arthur ... you’ve climbed six steps” Morgana grinned. 

Arthur’s mouth dropped open and he faked offence. “I’m going to die of heatstroke”.

“Arthur, it’s February!” Morgana exclaimed. “Let’s at least get to the top of the Tor, you big baby”.

“I am not” Arthur huffed as he climbed a few more steps. “A baby”. Morgana rolled her eyes again. 

Back in London, Morgause found herself pacing outside Merlin’s flat on that same Monday morning. It was five days after Valentine’s Day and she knew he didn’t have work, so Morgause ended up phoning in sick for the day. 

“Is everything okay? You haven’t been at work lately” Merlin said gruffly. 

“I’m pregnant, Merlin” Morgause said. “I, I don’t know what to do. Look, I’ve got an appointment with the doctor, could you come?”.

“Of course love” Merlin said as he let her in. “I need to change first though. When is it?”.

“In an hour” Morgause sighed. “Fucking hell Merlin, what do we do!”

Chapter Text

“So how was your week off?” Gwen smirked as she pulled on her Go-Walkers in the changing rooms. 

“Aw it was lovely” Morgana smiled and threw her head back rather than going back to tying her hair up. “Arthur and I headed over to  Salisbury, which is where he used to live. We went to his old house, looked at the sites”.

“How’d it go?” Gwen asked worriedly. 

“It was great, we had some quality time together. He has no recollection of before the accident, but that doesn’t matter I guess”.

“Your boyfriend had an accident?” Gwen frowned. 

“Yeah. Around a year or so ago. Drowned in a lake, woke up with amnesia”.

“Oh” Gwen mused. “I’d better head out, shift changed”.

“I’ll catch up with you” Morgana smiled as she tied her hair into a high ponytail. She did the ward rounds as usual, although Gwen did seem to avoid her which was rather unusual for her friend. 

“Where was it you went again?” Gwen asked at the end of the shift. Morgana had one of three triplets to look after that were rushed in during the middle of the day just after the other baby she’d been looking after had been discharged and sent to their local neonatal unit. The baby had come in an air ambulance and had been delivered at twenty-eight weeks and was in critical condition. 

“Salisbury” Morgana replied. “Lovely place. Went to the Stonehenge, Old Sarum and up Glastonbury tor”.

“Sounds like you had a good time then” Gwen remarked. 

“You know, it’s kinda funny” Morgana drawled as she put her shoes on. “I’m pretty sure he said his ex wife was called Gwen”.

Gwen looked at Morgana and awkwardly laughed. “Are you trying to say something?”

“No” Morgana insisted. “I just thought it rather strange and coincidental, that’s all”.

“Meh” Gwen shrugged. “Never been to Salisbury in my life. Besides, you know that I’ve lived in London for the past three years”.

“I guess” Morgana sighed. “It’s just, I want him to be able to remember who he was before the accident. I mean obviously it’s more painful for those who have a family member who can’t remember anything, but”.

“Yes of course” Gwen nodded. “It still hurts”.

“Exactly” Morgana agreed. “Well, I guess I’ll see you Wednesday?”

“You sure will” Gwen smiled. “Take care”. Morgana decided to walk home halfway then take the bus as it was still dark as opposed to taking the tube, wanting to clear her head. It had been an extremely hard shift with the triplets—especially since they were all in different hospitals and walking helped morgana clear her head as she looked around at the sights of London and listened to her music. She texted Arthur to tell him that she was going straight home given that she was exhausted, Arthur told her to take care and that they could catch up in the morning. Morgana took the lift up to her flat, unlocked it and sunk onto the sofa with a sigh. It was a long shift. She only hoped that those three babies could make it through the night. 

Arthur sighed as he walked out of St Thomas’ hospital and towards the tube. No change. There hadn’t been any change. He couldn’t help feeling frustrated with himself. It had been less than six months, like Dr DuLac said it’d take months if not years for his memory to return, if it ever did. While Arthur did want to know what his life used to be like, he rather liked things the way they were as of late. He made sure to stop at Sainsbury’s, as usual his appointment was in the evening and it was rather late by the time he ended up back in Nelson Square. Morgana had already texted him and said that she had been having a rather bad day due to things happening at work, though he knew he wanted to check on her. He went home and wrote a note “I know things are hard, and I hope things improve sometime soon. You’ve got this”, putting the note inside the flowers and going to Morgana’s flat. He knocked on the door and Morgana answered, eyes red rimmed with a pair of pyjamas on, hair down her back in cascading waves. 

“Hey” she smiled. 

“Hey” Arthur replied. “How are you?”.

“Not feeling too good. Obviously I have a hard line of work, and uh for a while things have been great. Then today well, I’d discharged my little one and then we had triplets come in critical condition”.

“Oh Morgana” Arthur sighed sympathetically. “I’m so sorry. That sounds really tough”.

“Yeah, it has been” Morgana sighed. “Obviously I can’t say anything else about it, confidentiality and all. But yeah”.

“You don’t have to explain anything, Morgana” Arthur said. “I’m here, okay?”

“I know” Morgana smiled as she looked at her flowers. “I know. I was planning on getting an early night”.

“Of course” Arthur nodded. “I’ll let you get to it. Good night”.

“Good night” Morgana smiled as Arthur kissed her forehead and went across the corridor to his own apartment. Morgana wasn’t a fan of her therapy that much, though she did know that it did help her a lot. Morgause was currently off sick for a few days, and Morgana would be back at work before Morgause was due to return so couldn’t even fit in a time slot on a different day to usual. Therefore as Arthur arrived for his session with Merlin, he was rather surprised to see that Morgana wasn’t there either or hadn’t replied to any of his texts. He hoped that the triplets were okay. Merlin looked rather somber when he came to collect Arthur. 

“You alright?” Arthur asked. 

“Yeah” Merlin shrugged. “This isn’t about me anyway, how was the trip?”

“I still don’t remember anything” Arthur grumbled with a sigh as he sat on the couch. “In all honesty, I don’t give a shit about what I was like before the accident, my life before etcetera. I mean, I’m happy now. Life is great. What’s not to love...but as you know, it’s still hard”. 

“Well of course it will be Arthur” Merlin sympathised. “You went through trauma and had memory loss, and while it does tend to be more traumatic for those around the person rather than the individual, it still hurts”.

“Of course” Arthur nodded. “Not that I had anyone around anyway” he added under his breath. “Well, things this week have been hard with my girlfriend as things are hard at work and I don’t know how to support her”.

“What lineage of work does she work in?” Merlin asked. 

“Neonatology. Works with newborn babies and all”.

Merlin paled. “Okay ... okay”.

“There really is something up isn’t there” Arthur drawled as he scrutinised him. “Well, not to be self absorbed but this is about me”.

“I know” Merlin chuckled as he wiped at a stray tear. “I know, I’m sorry. Okay, let’s get on with our session”.

“Are you crying?” Arthur frowned. 

“No” Merlin insisted. “We need to get on with our session now”. 

Chapter Text

Morgana had just finished her shift, having picked up another shift she had finished at four instead and was chatting to Gwen as they walked out of Great Ormond Street Hospital onto the streets. It was difficult, Morgana again looking after the triplets and one of them needing emergency surgery while another one had been transferred in and almost died. While she and Gwen were definitely still best friends, things had been tense with Gwen refusing to answer the question—was she Arthur’s ex wife. 

“How you heading home?” Gwen asked. 

“Walking. While its light out I’m not too fussed about it. You?” Morgana replied. 

“I’m taking the bus, see you next shift”.

“Yeah”. Morgana turned around and began to walk home as she looked around the sights outside GOSH. The children’s cancer charity building opposite. The endless rows and rows of buildings. Morgana didn’t tend to see many sights on her way back home when walking, usually taking roads that despite being main roads simply weren’t interesting to look at. 

“Morgana!! It’s me!” She noticed Arthur coming towards her and she ran straight into his arms. 

“It’s so good to see you” Morgana sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder. 

“How was work?” He whispered into her hair. He looked behind her, the friend she was talking to smiled at him and then looked as though she’d seen a ghost before turning around and walking off. 

“I chose this line of work, I made a rod for my own back” Morgana sighed. “It’s been a stressful shift, but things seem to be working out”.

“I’m glad” Arthur smiled as they began to walk home. 

“So you managed to find your way here by yourself without getting lost?” Morgana smirked. 

“Oi” Arthur mocked offence. “Well to be fair, I did use Google maps. The first time I saw you was when you were leaving work. Couldn’t not recognise the NHS symbol”.

“You said you have memory problems, right?”.

“Yeah” Arthur said. “I did have to go to that neurology clinic. I think that’s how I found this one”.

“Yeah” Morgana sighed. “You’ve got the neurology and neurosurgery clinic around the corner. Then there’s the children’s cancer charity opposite. Wish it didn’t exist”.

“Me too” Arthur agreed. “Fuck cancer”. 

“Fuck it indeed. Luckily, recovery rates among children are so high thankfully but it’s still horrible. I love my job but I wish I didn’t have to do it. Wish there was no sick babies“.

“But without nurses like you helping them those sick babies wouldn’t even stand a chance” Arthur pointed out. “So it is a good thing”. 

“You’re right” Morgana smiled as he wrapped his arm protectively around her waist as they walked. 

“I might have amnesia but I’m still a prodigy” Arthur grinned. “Used to be a doctor apparently”.

“Doctors aren’t meant to be big headed” Morgana teased. 

“I worked in neurology and all!” Arthur exclaimed. “So I guess I was good at it?”

“Maybe” Morgana shrugged. “Well, what’re your plans for the future?”

“One day I’d like to leave this city, I suppose” he shrugged. “Buy a farm maybe. Take you with me”.

“That might happen sooner than you anticipated” Morgana smirked. “My landlord is looking at selling within the next six months, so I’m pretty stressed”.

“Any way i can help release that tension?” Arthur winked. 

“A back massage would be nice” Morgana shrugged. Shit. He’d see. “Actually a foot massage. So you want to move to a farm?”.

“Yeah” Arthur said. “Maybe have some animals. Not sure really. Either that or help others with amnesia in some way, though again it depends on if my memory returns and if I can do it without my old memory”.

“That’s really sweet” Morgana smiled. “I mean, you could do both. Live somewhere rural where there’s farms but still have the job you wanted. Like in Cambridge maybe”.

“Are you prepositioning me?” Arthur smirked. 

“No” Morgana deadpanned. “Though I might be looking at going to Cambridge hospital”.

“Move in with me” Arthur said. 

“I’m sorry what!” Morgana chuckled. 

“Move in with me. I mean your landlord’s kicking you out. We basically spend a lot of time together anyway, so why not?”.

“Okay” Morgana agreed as she kissed Arthur. 

“So from what I gather, it’s all been going well” Morgause remarked. “In terms of Arthur”.

“That’s definitely the case” Morgana nodded. “Then again after Alvarr, naturally I’m wary”.

“That’s all normal of course. Now, look at my finger. Where was the ‘home’ and the carers name?”.

“Luton. The carer was called Nimeuh”.

“Okay good” Morgause said. “Your age and the year you ran away?”.

“Sixteen. So that was 2010. Eight years ago almost to the day”.

“Who lived there that you can remember?”.

“Enmyria” Morgana said as she followed Morgause’s finger. “She was Alvarr’s sister. Even though they had some sort of incest going on there. There was that twat Helios too”.

“And what happened with Alvarr?” 

“We had sex” Morgana slurred. “Lots of sex. Too much sex”. 

“Which resulted in?” Morgause prompted. 

“Me getting fat” Morgana deadpanned. 

“Which means” Morgause uttered. 

“Preggers. Knocked up. With child. Off the rag. Expecting. Eating for two. Bun in the oven”.

“And that happened in the year?”

“2012”.

“And you wanted to”.

“Get rid of it” Morgana sighed. 

“Which resulted in the event that happened?” Morgause prompted. 

“Blue lights. Wires. Incessant ambulance blaring” Morgana completed. 

“Okay, that’s enough for today” Morgause said as she put her glasses back on and popped a pill in her mouth. “You’ve done really well today, really well”.

“Yeah” Morgana breathed as she drank some water. “The irony of me having a hospital based trauma, but I work in a hospital”.

“As a general, maternity units are separated from the rest of the hospital” Morgause shrugged. “Not that I’d know, never been to one. That’s what I’ve heard anyway”.

“Sure, whatever you say” Morgana raised an eyebrow. 

“Anyway, enough about me” Morgause said as she brushed invisible wrinkles off her skirt. “Onto Arthur”.

“My landlord is selling up and he asked me to move in with him” Morgana deadpanned. 

“I’m going to vomit” Morgause announced as she stood up and made her way to the small round bin in the corner of the room throwing up her guts. Morgana wasn’t sure what to do, awkwardly looking on her phone instead. Morgause was supposed to be the doctor, not the patient. After Morgause finished throwing up she went back to her seat and had the bin in her lap. “You were saying?”

“My landlord is looking at selling the flat. While I could easily afford to buy it, at the same time I’m not really sure. I’d be tied to London, and I mean I’m having doubts somewhat as even before Arthur and I met I had been considering going to Cambridge, but of course there’s the ties”.

“Yes, you were in Addenbrookes weren’t you?”

“Yeah. The NICU is in the Rosie hospital, but still they’re connected”.

“Well, what about if you split your time between your place and Arthur’s?” Morgause suggested. “If I were you I’d buy the flat anyway for stability, but split time between one another. I mean, you live in the same building right?”

“Opposite each other” Morgana corrected. “Neighbours and all”.

“Well, it sounds as though you can split your time between one another nicely while still having your own places, though if you two need one another then you’re literally across the hall. Likewise if you have an argument or want alone time”.

“Thanks Morgause” Morgana smiled. “I think that us two keeping our own flats, but spending more time together could work perfectly. I mean I can afford to buy it so”.

“What can I say, I’m a miracle worker” Morgause said before spitting up into the bin again. 

“I’ll escort myself out” Morgana said as she put her coat on. 

“Session isn’t even over yet!” Morgause protested. 

“I’ve gotten what I need out of it, I think it is” Morgana smirked as she opened the door. 

Morgana was free for the rest of the day so after her appointment she and Arthur went on a date to their usual place—the local cafe. 

“Weren’t you meant to work here?” Morgana frowned. 

“I quit. Too many customers”.

“That’s part of the job, darling” Morgana rolled her eyes. 

“What’re you having?” Arthur asked. 

“The norm, of course” Morgana smirked. “You?”

“I’ll try a chai latte” Arthur decided. “Going to be adventurous”.

“Arthur? Is that you?” Arthur turned around to see whoever was calling him, hopefully someone that he’d remember. 

“Lancelot?” Arthur asked. 

“Hi” he greeted as he shook Morgana’s hand. “I’m Lancelot, Arthur’s doctor”.

“I’m Morgana, his girlfriend”.

“So you’re the famous Morgana I’ve heard so much about” Lancelot commented. 

“All good I hope?” Morgana teased as she glanced at Gwen and wriggled her eyebrows. They’d definitely FaceTime one another later at home. 

“Of course” Lancelot grinned. “Good to see you Arthur”.

“You too” Arthur muttered as he made his way to a table. “Well, on the grounds of my newest offer, have you made a choice?”

“I think personally that having our own flats is good for us. I can afford to buy the flat so that’s what I plan to do for now. I mean, we live across the corridor from one another so we can split our time between our places”.

“If that’s what you want to do, I think it’s perfect” Arthur smiled. “I finally finished the road to avalon”.

“And what did you think of the ending?” Morgana asked. 

“I was surprised he didn’t sentence Gwenwyfar to death. Though if men can have mistresses, why can’t a woman have a lover too?”.

“Sadly that’s just the sexist world we live in” Morgana rolled her eyes. 

“Though I will say, I loved the ending”.

“Arthur dying in Morgan’s arms?” Morgana scoffed. “Well, I hope it never comes to that”.

“Me too” Arthur agreed. “Though if I die, I want you by my side” he added as he kissed her. 

Chapter Text

“Well, you gotta tell me everything!” Morgana squealed as she put her phone on her bed and lay on her stomach, legs flailing around in the air. She and Arthur had parted ways for the night and as promised, once Morgana had brushed her teeth and changed into her pyjamas she immediately FaceTimed Gwen. 

“About what?” Gwen asked.

“That new guy you were with, duh!” Morgana giggled and raised her eyebrows. 

“Okay” Gwen smiled shyly. “So he’s a doctor that works at St Thomas’”.

“Gold digger” Morgana grinned. 

“Says you” Gwen retaliated. 

“Touché” Morgana shrugged. “Well, what’s his name? I need the details!”

“He’s called Lancelot, and well we met around December? Must’ve been then I think, I remember things were a bit strained back then, you weren’t having a good time. I think it was that time I had to work on Christmas and was heading back to mine, slightly upset and then we literally bumped into each other at the tube station. And then again on my next shift I saw him running to grab the tube and then we started talking”.

“So the rest is history” Morgana completed as she raised her eyebrows. 

“How are you getting on?” Gwen asked. “Last I saw of you things seemed good”.

“Work’s been okay as you know, but I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for this job” Morgana sighed. “I’m doing well, actually. Really, really well”. 

“And what about your fella? How’s that going?”

“My ‘fella’?” Morgana asked with a laugh. 

“Yeah” Gwen grinned. “You know, that guy you were with. How’s that?”

Morgana grinned and threw her head back. “It’s going well, I’d say. Really well. Did I tell you, my landlord’s selling the place”. 

“What!” Gwen gasped. “No, you didn’t. So now what? Any plans?”

Morgana grinned sheepishly, feeling rather like a schoolgirl. “So I may have told him and we may be moving in together”. 

Gwen gasped and put a hand over her mouth. “So soon?”

“I know!” Morgana giggled. “I feel like a bloody kid in love! It’s like, he’s this mysterious guy with amnesia, I’m the overtired overworked nurse. I dunno, feels like a romance novel”. 

“And you said you wanted to move out of London” Gwen teased. 

“Yeah” Morgana smiled rather dreamily. “I did. Maybe I will. Who knows, maybe he’s the one”. 

“Have you two even been on a date?”

“Yes” Morgana deadpanned. “Cause I’m totally going to move in with a guy I never dated after Alvarr”. 

“Shit, Morgana” Gwen shook her head. “I didn’t think, I forgot”. 

“Eh, it’s alright” Morgana shrugged. “I do too, to be honest. I sometimes forget about it then I’m there in the shower and it’s like shit! I’ve got a scar, a huge scar. Not everyone can say they’ve had their appendix stabbed”. 

“Morgana” Gwen warned. “I’m glad you’re processing this and whatnot but”. 

Morgana grimaced. “Too far? Think it might’ve perhaps been then. But I was the one that was stabbed so I can make the jokes about it”. 

“Have you told him?”

Morgana looked away before answering. “No. I mean, Morgause and I have just got around to discussing this too. Well, I can talk about it but obviously when it comes to being intimate it’ll have to come up first”. 

“Yeah, of course” Gwen agreed. 

“So what about you and your fella? Have you shagged him yet?”

“Morgana!” Gwen gasped. 

“Just asking” Morgana shrugged. “You two were sickening”. 

“Shut up, says you!” Gwen retorted. “I guess I do need to tell you something”. 

“He is your ex-husband, isn’t he? Arthur?” 

Gwen closed her eyes and nodded. “I’m sorry, Morgana. I just didn’t know how to tell you. After everything you’ve been through, all that’s happened I didn’t want you to feel you’ve been betrayed away”. 

“Thank you for telling me Gwen, I appreciate it”. 

After an hour long conversation that was serious as times yet also lighthearted, Morgana and Gwen both agreed that it was getting rather late and so ended the call. Morgana remained in her bed, laying on her stomach with her legs in the air and a huge grin on her face. She felt like a kid again. A teenager with no responsibilities, not much to do expect gossip with her friends and fall in love. Oh. She hadn’t been in love before. When she was a kid, she thought she loved Alvarr. Looking back she realised it was more of lust and infatuation. That wasn’t love. As for her and Arthur? Everything seemed to be around him. He was all she could think of. Her heart felt warm and fuzzy whenever she was around him and the butterflies were still there, even after a while. For now, she had no responsibilities nor anything to worry about. For now, she was just Morgana LeFay, just young, free and happy. She hadn’t been able to say that in a while yet now she could, and it was truly the best feeling to be able to say that as she listened to happier music. She glanced at the clock, it was getting late so she took her clothes off and rubbed oil into the scar by her right hip, no longer repulsed by it. It was still quite prominent given the size of it yet easy to conceal when necessary. She hadn’t worn a bikini since she was a teenager and wanted to again. Maybe, just maybe she would work up the courage to do so this summer. 

“I feel like a kid again with no stresses but feel so stressed out at the same time” Morgana sighed as she flopped into her usual chair in Morgause’s office. 

“Rough week?” Morgause asked wearily, looking rather tired and pale. “Again, sorry I had to cancel last week. So what’s been going on?”

“I was so stupid! I can’t afford to buy my flat” Morgana scoffed as she sat up straighter. “It’s way too expensive! Plus I’m still somewhat in student debt, I think?Paying it off, even. I guess I could take extra shifts on for extra money but can the NHS even afford that?”

“Slow down” Morgause said as she sipped at her tea. “What are you on about?”

“My landlord’s selling up” Morgana repeated. “I was considering buying, but I don’t think I can afford it. So then there’s the relationship, Arthur asked me to move in”. 

“So what’s stopping you?” Morgause asked. “You love him, he loves you”. 

“We’re both extremely fucked up, traumatised individuals” Morgana nervously laughed. “We haven’t slept together. Not got that far yet. Hell, I haven’t slept with anyone since Alvarr. That was liken five years ago”. 

“Why on earth is all this bothering you all of a sudden?” Morgause raised an eyebrow. “You weren’t too bothered about sex before”. 

“It’s just that now it’s March? We’ve known each other a while, three months now we’ve been together I think. We still haven’t had sex”. 

“As I said, not everything is about sex” Morgause repeated. “Bearing in mind that the both of you have been through a lot in your lives, him with his amnesia so taking it slowly isn’t a bad thing”. 

“But I don’t wanna leave Nelson square” Morgana pouted. “I like my home, it’s great. Stupid landlord deciding to sell up. I do want to move in with him, I’m just not ready to show him all the scars and that yet”. 

“If he loves you, then surely the scars won’t matter to him? If you love him too”. 

“I do love him, I think” Morgana frowned. “I mean, define love. I love what I do. I guess I do somewhat love looking after all those children in the NICU, they do hold a place in my heart. He does too, Arthur does. It’s just I’ve never been in love, so how do I know if I’m in love?”

Morgause leant forward in her chair closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose, “you just know, I guess. This is just my opinion but if you doubt it then it probably isn’t love. Sometimes you don’t realise you’re in love until it’s too late. If you can’t imagine life without them, that’s love. If it pains you to see them in pain, that’s love. If you can’t stop thinking about them, that’s love. If you see a future with them, that’s love”. 

“I can’t really imagine life without him. I don’t like seeing him in pain, it pains me too. I think about him most of the time. I think I do love him. It’s just, how do I tell him? What is he thinks I’m a horrible person? That what I did was unforgivable”. 

“Morgana, you were seventeen!” Morgause pointed out. “You were still a child when you left the care home, and even at eighteen you were so young”. 

“I was an adult” Morgana said sulkily. “Should’ve known better”. 

“You were seventeen” Morgause said firmly. “The rational part of your brain doesn’t develop until you’re 25”. 

“I’m twenty-four” Morgana pouted. “So that means I’m still an idiot?”

“What? No!” Morgause closed her eyes again and rubbed her forehead, the badly off-colour makeup smudging.  “You were young, inexperienced. Plenty of people do stupid things when they’re eighteen. You’ve had a chance to live now, get used to the world. You need to do what’s right for you”. 

“My heart says yes to moving in with Arthur” Morgana said. 

“That’s what you need to do then” Morgause shrugged. 

“My head says no, cause what if it doesn’t work out?”

“Why not have a trial of it? Move into his spare room perhaps—if he has one. Take things at a pace the both of you are happy to take things at. Cause if you don’t take that chance, you’re going to be thinking for the rest of your life about it”.  

“I suppose” Morgana reluctantly agreed. “I guess that’s true. It’s just, I think about the future. A part of me does want to get married, have kids. What if I’m so fucked up that that’ll never happen? No guy will want me”. 

“Morgana, it’s not unforgivable what you did. You didn’t kill anyone”. 

“I may as well have” Morgana pouted. “I was so fucking stupid”. 

“Morgana, you were young and wanted to get on with your life without a baby. What Alvarr did to you doesn’t change it, if anything it’s his fault”. 

“I still couldn’t keep my baby safe though”. 

“It was a bundle of cells at that point” Morgause said gently. “I know it’s hard, but you need to keep talking about it to get through it. It’s not such a bad thing to share all that with someone. Like you said, he’s had a hard time too. You can’t keep everyone at arms distance and close yourself off otherwise you’ll become miserable and isolated”. 

“It’s hard though. I haven’t really spoken about it with anyone except you and Gwen”. 

“If he loves you, he’ll accept you the way you are. Scars, past and all” Morgause said softly. 

“I know but what if I’m not destined for love?” Morgana grumbled. 

“You won’t know unless you take the risk. Better to take the risk and live with the consequences, otherwise you’ll just think about it your whole life”. 

“Though if I take the chance and end up heartbroken—again, as usual then I’ll still be gutted and thinking about it”. 

“They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Like you said earlier, feeling like a kid in love. Sometimes a risk is needed in life”. 

“The last risk ended with me being blue-lighted to addenbrooks” Morgana pointed out. 

“It’s really not your fault that you were stabbed in the stomach and in turn that it led to you getting traumatic appendicitis. Truly, Morgana”. 

“I guess it wasn’t even though I tell myself it was. He was the one who stabbed me.  I ran away from the foster home to go with Alvarr. I ended up pregnant with his kid, didn’t want it so took the abortion pills. Obviously he knew about that, then I was stabbed. Fuck, that hurt so much. I suppose it does make sense how much it hurt given that he literally stabbed me through the appendix and it perforated but it still makes me upset”. 

“Of course it makes you upset, you could have died!”

“I feel bad for saying this, but I am so glad that I had the abortion. That I was able to take back some control in my life. Does that make me a bad person?” Morgana asked as she chewed on her nails. 

“You feel how you feel and those feelings are valid and real no matter what”. 

“Made a decision on what you’ll do?” Arthur asked as he sat down on the sofa with Morgana, wrapping his arm around her. 

“Sort of” Morgana shrugged. “Now I do want to move in with you, but if it’s okay with you I’d prefer to move into your spare bedroom?”

Arthur looked slightly confused. “I guess that makes sense, we haven’t even had sex”. 

“Exactly” Morgana nodded. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something happened to me, it was a few years back now but it was pretty tough. That’s why I’m in therapy, not because of a stressful work life. It’s taken a lot of time, it happened when I was eighteen or nineteen and now I’m twenty-four. I haven’t actually been in a relationship since then that actually worked and lasted since then. I haven’t had sex with anyone since then. I haven’t opened up to anyone since then either until I met you”. 

“That’s completely okay and I won’t push you” Arthur said softly. “I myself don’t know if I am ready to have sex yet or to wait until I can remember more about my old life. Fuck, I just don’t know. It’s confusing. There’s just so many feelings that I don’t know what to do. One thing I can decipher and know, is that I love you”. 

Morgana looked at Arthur with tears in her eyes. “I think I love you too. I’ve never actually said that out loud, I don’t think”. 

“Ditto” Arthur chuckled as he brought his lips down onto hers. 

Chapter Text

“Not as many doctors today, this will be different” Gwen commented. 

“They’re all in they’re, right?” Morgana asked. 

“Most are in theatre I believe. The consultants are anyway. Flamingo ward had a double two double two, Elephant ward did as well, something on the alligator intense care with a transplant patient so a double two again and there’s a bone marrow transplant on fox ward”. 

“Blimey. So it’s a busy night in the hospital” Morgana commented. 

“Here’s to a night of doing nothing?” Gwen asked. “It’s quite quiet down this end, isn’t it?”

“It sure is” Morgana agreed, frowning slightly as the matron walked over. “Shh, you’re not meant to say the Q word!”

“Okay we have an in-uterine transfer in from the cardiac ward, repeat an in-uterine transfer from cardiac ward” the matron called across the nurses station. Morgana and Gwen looked at each other absolutely perplexed. 

“Excuse me?” Morgana asked. They never had in-uterine transfers, for there was no maternity or labour ward. “Didn’t they just have a major emergency anyway?”

“The mum of one of the children on a cardiac wards—I believe it’s the Alligator— here is pregnant, has been experiencing contractions during her child’s heart transplant and now they think her waters have broken”. 

“Good lord!” Morgana gasped as she covered her mouth. 

“Child is in recovery, mum not in a good way and I need a midwife there as soon as possible, we’ve contacted UCLH but it’s looking unlikely they’ll make it. Morgana, I need you to get down to alligator ward. It’s 28 week twins, trying for vaginal birth and complications. Gwen, I need you on standby with a giraffe or lullaby warmer and the neonatal team. I’m calling the bleep holder, let’s get on it team”. 

“On it” Morgana nodded with a small smile, already standing up and making her way to the ward doors, Gwen hot on her heels.
“I haven’t done this in ages” Morgana told Gwen excitedly. 

“Done what?” Gwen frowned slightly as she looked around for the spare resuscitaire. 

“Delivered a baby” Morgana grinned. 

“Right, alligator ward is same floor in different building, you go as I have to get the spare neonatal resuscitaire”. Gwen said as Morgana quickly ran to the Alligator ward while she went to grab the needed equipment. 

“Okay looks like we need the quickest handover ever” the cardiac nurse said. “Mum’s called Sarah, this is her third baby and she’s just twenty nine weeks with twins, identical with the same amniotic sac and placenta experiencing regular contractions and has had waters gone with blood in them. Child just had a heart transplant and is still in recovery, we managed to get mum a bed in a side room so there’s that at least”. 

“Okay could I get some more sterile gloves please in size seven” Morgana said, trying not to show her face at the mention of mono-chorionic mono-amnion twins. Even more difficult, the most difficult type of twins. Maybe she should’ve changed into scrubs, it was more likely that it would end in a trip to theatre that way. But she didn’t have the time, it was all happening too fast. “And I’ve got a delivery kit. Towels too, we need lots of towels. And a ziploc bag. Well two, two ziploc bags”. 

“I’ll get the towels” the healthcare assistant said. 

“In we go” Morgana breathed as she pulled on an apron and blue pair of latex gloves, knocking on the door and then entering after hearing a stressed out “come in”. The dad stood there, bald and wide eyed with his hands clasped behind his head. 

“Are you the doctor?” He asked. 

“No, I’m Morgana I’m a midwife and I’ll be here to help you deliver your babies” Morgana greeted as she went over to the bed. “How you doing?”

“Not great..” the mother trailed off. 

“Is it okay if I do a quick examination to see how far along you are?” Morgana checked. Sarah nodded in agreement and Morgana set her trolley up, quickly changing her gloves and washing her hands as Gwen walked in with the lullaby warmer and neonatologist. 

“I’m Doctor Graham” the doctor in maroon scrubs introduced. “I’ll be looking after you and your baby. How far along is she?”  

“Twenty-nine weeks and she is fully effaced and dilated” Morgana said as she looked at the doctor. 

“I need to push” the mother announced. 

“With your next contraction you can start to push” Morgana nodded at the mother then looked down at the bed. “Who’s got the sandwich bags?”

“Keep pushing, that’s good” the doctor nodded. “And I have them here”. 

“Baby looks well positioned, should be a fairly easy birth. Delivered any before?” Morgana looked at the doctor. 

The doctor looked almost horrified. “Not since medical school. I’m better at dealing with them once they’re out the womb”. 

“I can see the head!” Morgana announced. 

“That was quick” the doctor exclaimed. 

“Gwen, keep an eye on dad. And if you think you’re going to faint or throw up, sit down or get out” Morgana ordered. 

“I’m okay, I’ve got an eye on dad just in case” Gwen nodded, looking between Morgana crouched on the floor and the horrified looking dad at the top end. 

Slow, controlled Morgana remembered. “Okay, now I need you to pant, just nice and slow there”. 

“Okay” the mother grunted, inhaling sharply. 

Morgana adjusted the sheets over the mother’s legs and held it in place. Morgana checked the time. “Head out at 23:14, someone write that down”. 

“On it” The healthcare assistanct said, though Morgana paid her no mind. 

Extension, Morgana reminded herself, one minute for restitution. Not that she needed to wait that long. “I need you to push one last time then baby will be here, can you do that for me Sarah?” Morgana looked up at the mother. “I know you’re tired, but we need you to push. Baby A is almost here”. Sarah looked to her husband for encouragement before gritting her teeth and pushing. Morgana grabbed a towel, pulling the baby down into the bed immediately. She wrapped the baby and vigorously rubbed at it alongside the doctor who was putting suction and an oxygen mask over it’s face until it let out a soft mewl. It seemed to be doing well for a premature baby. The doctor put it into a ziploc bag, Morgana clamping and cutting the cord. 

“Is neonatal here?” Somebody knocked on the door and immediately entered, a swarm of bodies in burgundy scrubs. 

“Gwen do you mind getting me another bed pad?” Morgana asked. “And something to deliver the placenta into. We need some oxytocin. She’s loosing quite a bit of blood”. 

“You don’t think she’s going to haemmorhage?” Doctor Graham asked. 

“I’m hoping it won’t come to that” Morgana grimaced. “There’s only one placenta so we can’t deliver that yet”. 

“Then what about baby B?”

“Baby B will come when baby B is ready” Morgana said as she glanced over at the newborn on the giraffe, watching at the top was lowered onto the incubator. “I’m just going to inject the emergency oxytocin. Can we let mum see baby, please?”

One of the doctors huffed slightly, another one grabbing the incubator and wheeling it over to the bed. 

“We need to keep an eye on things for baby B” Morgana said. “I can’t see the head yet so I think we’ve got time, but we don’t want a large interval. Gwen, keep an eye on dad to make sure he doesn’t faint”. The room was bustling, though there was a moment of quietness. A brief moment of peace, for nothing else mattered. Yes, things could easily escalate and there was no telling what could happen with the second baby, or the placenta either but all Morgana knew was that nothing else mattered, for a child had just been born and it felt as though all time had temporarily stopped. Nothing mattered, apart from what was happening in that side room on the paediatrics cardiac ward.  Morgana looked down and was and back to reality from the brief adrenaline rush. 

Thank god for that Morgana thought to herself. “I’m just going to feel how baby B is lying” Morgana announced. The door slammed open with the sound of alarms and the team of obstetricians and midwives entered the room. They’d be able to take it from there, though they would have a lot of notes to write up. Somewhat covered in gunk, once things had settled down and the ambulance had taken the mother to another hospital, Morgana and Gwen went to the changing room, grabbing a pair of scrubs from the tall metal rack. 

“Sure is a night to remember. Grab a photo of me?”

“Why, of course” Gwen smiled. “Hurry up and change, we need to get back to work”. 

Fortunately, the rest of the shift was that reminiscent of a ‘regular’ night shift on the ward. 

“What a shift” Morgana sighed as she and Gwen entered the changing room at the end of the shift. It was almost nine o’clock, suffice to say that both women had stayed well past their shift times. Though for all that had happened, it was worth it a million times over. 

“You’re telling me” Gwen agreed with a chuckle. “And I’m not the one who was covered in blood”. 

“Exactly” Morgana sighed once more as she looked at her tunic, crumpled up into a carrier bag. As expected, it ended up dirty from the birth so she had to change. “Sure is a night to remember. Second of March, 23:14.”

“That’s sure one way to initiate the conversation with Arthur”. 

“What conversation?” Morgana frowned. 

“The having kids one” Gwen teased. 

Morgana grinned and laughed. “I don’t know where you got that one from”. 

“Oh come on, you’re moving in together. First comes love, then comes marriage, then along comes Morgana with a baby carriage” Gwen grinned. 

Morgana smiled and swatted Gwen’s hand away. “I mean, I guess we do have to discuss it don’t we? Just with the history, that’s all really I’m worried about”. 

“Look Morgana, this is the first birth I’ve ever seen” Gwen offered as they sat next to one another. “You, kneeling on that bed as that first baby was born, you couldn’t have done it better to be honest. The moments between life and death, where there’s two lives in your hands … technically three ‘cause it was twins. Just think about it, having the conversation with him”. 

Morgana looked up, a small smile on her face. “That’s a lot to think about that I hadn’t thought about before. Right, so for now I’m calling an Uber and going home to Arthur”. Morgana felt a mixture of exhaustion and exhilaration as she went home, smiling as she looked out the window knowing she was going home. There was nothing quite like going home after a long shift, and Morgana was most certainly ready to go home. It felt as though she was walking on air in an odd sleep-deprived way as she took the lift up and then put her key in the door, taking off her shoes and putting her meal pot in the kitchen before she went to the living room. 

“Morning” Arthur greeted. “How was work?”

“Just hold me, please” Morgana murmured. Arthur held out his arms and Morgana leant against him as they sat on the sofa. 

“Rough night?” Arthur asked as he kissed her forehead. 

Morgana frowned slightly then smiled. “Not exactly. I may have delivered a baby”. 

“You did?” Arthur looked surprised. “I thought your place only had babies after birth, not delivering them there”. 

“Long story short, we had a mum of one of the kids in another ward who was in premature labour. She gave birth and I delivered the baby”.

“That makes more sense” Arthur said. “You delivered a baby?”

“I delivered a freaking baby” Morgana grinned. “Actually, there’s something I want to talk to you about”. 

“Sure, what is it?”

“Have you ever thought about kids?” Morgana asked. “Having kids”. 

Arthur pondered for a moment before answering. “Not that I can remember. I was married before so presumably it came up before the divorce but I would like to have kids one day in the future. And you?”

“There’s sorting I need to tell you” Morgana said as she pulled down the right side of her trousers. “I was stabbed, a few years ago by an ex-boyfriend of mine. The location of the stabbing meant that I had to have open abdominal surgery, and while they were in there they had to remove one of my fallopians tubes which means it could be more difficult for me to have kids”. 

“Oh” Arthur said slowly. “I had no idea”. 

“It’s why I was afraid to get attached and be vulnerable with you before, as when I fell in love before, well” Morgana chuckled nervously as she gestured to the scar on her right hip. “That happened. At the time I was certain I would never fall in love again and never have kids, so it wasn’t really something I thought about before I met you”. 

“That’s..” Arthur briefly looked into the distance. “That’s okay. I really appreciate you being open and honest with me Morgana. Thank you for telling me”.  

“Have you considered it though? Having children” Morgana asked. 

“Well, I’d want more than one” Arthur said. “I mean I’m guessing I was an only child? Seeing as presumably if I did have siblings wouldn’t they like turn up? Be there? You know, then I’d have a clearer idea of who I was maybe. And you?”

“I’d want two” Morgana answered. “I think? I was alone in the foster system for years and always dreamt of having a brother or a sister. I never really thought about it, having kids”. 

“What changed?” Arthur asked. 

“I fell in love” Morgana said, looking into Arthur’s eyes. “Arthur, I love you”.

Chapter Text

“Morgause, I’m in love” Morgana grinned as she sat in the chair. 

Morgause blinked. “Well I was going to ask how the moving’s going? It sounds like it’s going well then”. 

“Oh yeah, the moving went really well” Morgana said flippantly. “I’m in the spare bedroom. Though we shared a bed, once. After my night shift. What a shift that was”. 

Morgause raised her eyebrows. “You need to catch me up to speed on things. It sounds like a lot has happened”. 

“I had a baby” Morgana grinned. 

Morgause simply looked more and more confused. “What on earth are you on about?”

“Well it wasn’t me that had it, more delivered it so I told Arthur everything and I told him I love him”. 

Morgause paled slightly but grinned. “About time”. 

“What do you mean?” Morgana asked, looking confused. 

“You’ve been like a love struck teenager for ages now, it’s about time you got your head out and admitted it. So how have you been?” Morgause had been thinking more along the lines of ‘love-struck idiots’, though she thought it best not to voice her exact thoughts, instead keeping things professional. 

“Really good” Morgana smiled truthfully. “I’ve been doing really, really well”. 

“On that note” Morgause continued. “As your progress has been really good, I have been thinking about discharging you”. 

Morgana frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”

“From mental health services” Morgause explained. “I do want us to have about two to three more sessions, so our next session won’t be for two weeks but I think it’s almost time”. 

“Oh. Right” Morgana nodded, unsure how to feel.  

“Anyway, let’s get on with the session”. 

“I’m home!” Morgana called out with a smile. 

“Hi” Arthur smiled as Morgana removed her shoes, “How was your session?”

“Good” Morgana smiled. “I guess”. 

“You guess?” Arthur arched an eyebrow. 

“Yeah” Morgana shrugged. “I’m glad to be home”. 

“Good” Arthur smiled. “What shall we do today?”

“Hmm” Morgana mused as she lay her head on his chest. “It’d be nice to get out. Now that this beast from the East is finally gone”. 

“Okay” Arthur smiled. “Anything in particular you were thinking of?”

“Yes, actually” Morgana smiled. “We’ll grab lunch out, get your shoes and coat”. 

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Arthur asked as they stepped out the building. “Are we taking the tube?” 

“It takes half an hour to walk, Arthur” Morgana smiled. “I was thinking we could get lunch at Borough Market before going to the place I thought of”. 

“And what is the place, may I ask?” Arthur said. 

“You’ll have to wait until we get there” Morgana smirked. 

“Nothing quite like walking through London in the spring though, is there?” Arthur smiled as he held his hand out for Morgana. 

“Spring?” Morgana frowned. “It’s still winter”. 

“It’s the eight of March” Arthur chuckled. “Even if it’s frosty, it’s spring”. 

Morgana eyes widened slightly. “Blimey, it is! When did that happen?”

“Time flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it?” Arthur smiled. 

“I guess it does” Morgana agreed as she looked to her boyfriend, happily kissing him. It didn’t take long to arrive at borough market, the couple walking around for ten minutes before deciding on where to stop for lunch. Still cold, they opted for a restaurant and sat by the window people watching and enjoying the view, before Arthur and Morgana continued walking to the place Morgana had chosen. 

“Okay, here we are” Morgana grinned as they stepped onto Tower Bridge. 

“A walk to Tower Bridge” Arthur raised his eyebrows. “That was actually a really nice idea”. 

“Not quite” Morgana smiled. “Come on, it’s on the other side”. 

“The Tower of London” Arthur commented as they stood outside the castle’s forecourt, the main building looming in the background. 

“Come on, let’s go” Morgana grinned as she grabbed Arthur’s hands. “Let’s go see the Crown Jewels”. 

Arthur frowned for a moment confused but nodded and followed Morgana to the ticket counter. 

“Two adult tickets please” Morgana said. 

“That’ll be £74”. 

“Before you say anything, I’m paying” Morgana smirked as she got out her credit card. “It’s the least I can do since you let me move in with you”. 

“Okay, I won’t argue with that”. Morgana paid for the couple’s tickets and they went through the gates and middle tower, then over the drawbridge with the dried up moat and another building that looked the same, with cobbled flooring as opposed to smooth tarmac. 

“Which way?” Arthur asked. 

“That’s all cordoned off, let’s just keep going” Morgana said as she took the lead with the map, her and Arthur walking straight. 

“What’s this?” Arthur asked as they stopped. There was a black railing, with what looked like a bridge in the building with Tudor style house above it, hidden windows on their level behind the arch with water underneath it. 

“Looks like some sort of dungeon” Morgana frowned slightly as her mind began to wander. She couldn’t help hit see herself in a similar predicament, at the bottom of a waterless well, chained to the walls with a white dragon. 

“Traitors gate” Arthur read off the map and sign. “It’s now the prisoners used to come in from the other side”. 

Morgana raised her eyebrows, bemused. Why was she all of a sudden seeing herself like that, locked up? It didn’t make sense. 

“You alright, Morgana?” Arthur checked, looking at her with concern. 

“I’m fine” Morgana said. “Look, the sign says this way to the Crown Jewels. Let’s go there”. 

“Okay, let’s go then”. Arthur wanted to press the matter further, but he was enjoying his date with Morgana and didn’t want her to be upset, so left it. He followed her through another passageway, seeing a sign that read ‘torture at the tower’. He was sure he saw Morgana shudder at that, but she gladly accepted his hand as they continued walking until they saw the main castle. 

“Wow” Arthur gasped. 

“It’s pretty impressive” Morgana agreed as she and Arthur began to make their way towards it and up the stairs. She couldn’t help but see a different castle at the forefront of her mind, and a drawbridgewith white towers behind it and smaller sides to it. Nothing like the stairs of her, yet all too similar at the same time. She was dragged out of her thoughts by Arthur. 

“Hey! Look at these cannons, pew pew” Arthur said. 

“Pew pew is from Star Wars” Morgana laughed. “Come on, I’ll get a picture of you then”. Once Arthur had his photo taken they continued into the courtyard towards a golden sign on a red background that read ‘The Crown Jewels’ and joined the queue.  Guards dressed in red with large fluffy black hats stood tall outside, the queues fortunately not being long due to the recent snow and the fact it wasn’t yet the Easter holidays for a few more weeks. They walked through an exhibition, the Spectre on display in a glass cabinet with information around it on the walls. 

“Let’s go see what all that fuss is about” Morgana grinned as she took Arthur’s hand and led him to the moving walkway. It was slightly tilted, the crowns in a glass protective box. Morgana hoped he wouldn’t see, she wanted so hard for this date to go well. Though that didn’t stop the flashes of a crown, a crown on her head as she sat on a throne, the same crown on Guinevere’s head at the same place, Morgause in a silver robe smirking next to her. She shook her head to rid herself off those thoughts, instead focusing on the crowns in front with their jewels, purple velvet underneath and the ermine on the circumference. All she could do was hope that Arthur wouldn’t notice. 

Arthur frowned as he looked at the crowns. All he could see in the forefront of his mind was Morgana, sat on a throne smirking as a golden crown was lowered onto her head. Just like in his dreams, only this wasn’t a dream and he wasn’t sleeping. He blinked hard to clear the thoughts, holding onto the moving walkway as he looked ahead at the shining jewels in front of him. He knew he was hiding somewhere with Merlin, staying out of sight. Something wasn’t right. Something had changed, and he wasn’t sure what it was but he wasn’t sure if he liked it. 

Arthur had a tight grip on Morgana’s hand as they left the building. 

“Arthur, are you okay?” Morgana asked. “You’re holding on quite tightly”. 

Arthur smiled slightly and lessened his grip. “I’m fine, I didn’t mean to hold that tightly”. 

Morgana did have an odd feeling but brushed that away. “Where to next?” 

“Let’s see” Arthur said as he took the map. “We can do the white tower and climb the battlements?”

“Sounds good” Morgana agreed. “Let’s go”. 

Arthur couldn’t help but feel distracted as he walked through the white tower. It was an armoury, with stories of the guards from the past next to the suits and horse armour. He wanted it to be a good date, Morgana was so happy and full of life, and he wanted to feel that way too. Like before in the Crown room, all he could focus on was images in the back of his mind. Of himself in armour, his doctor Merlin with neckerchief’s on, and his other doctor Lancelot in armour. It didn’t make sense, not at all. But one thing was certain, things weren’t the same as they were before. Arthur could only hope that meant it would be for the better. 

Chapter Text

“How has your week been?” Merlin asked as he closed the door, Arthur sitting down in his usual chair.

“Uh … good?” Arthur said uncertainly.

“Are you sure?” Merlin asked. “You don’t sound completely certain”.

“It’s been okay” Arthur shrugged. “Morgana and I went to the Tower of London two days ago”.

“That’s nice” Merlin smiled. “How was it?”

“I um…I had another vision”.

“A vision? So the memories you’ve been having? Well, used to be having”

“That’s right” Arthur nodded. “Well that’s what I think anyway”.

“You haven’t had them for a little while. What happened?” Merlin asked as he opened his laptop. “Anything different to normal?”

“Sort of” Arthur shrugged. “It all started in the Tower of London, when we were doing this thing where we saw the crowns”.

Merlin nodded, urging Arthur to continue.

“Then I saw Morgana on the throne, just like in the dreams. Except it wasn’t the dream. I wasn’t sleeping, I was awake. It’s like a vision, I think? Or a flashback? But to when? I’m just so confused”.

“Well that’s understandable, Arthur” Merlin said sympathetically. “It is very confusing as to what is causing it and why. As to the whole medieval element of things, it’s more likely your subconscious potentially picking up on things”.

“So what, you don’t know why I’m like this?” Arthur asked.

“That’s not what I’m saying, but it also has a lot to do with your beliefs on things”.

“Like what?” Arthur frowned.

“On things like if you believe in reincarnation, in life after death. It’s all really down to personal belief. I do believe that you are having these visions and that to you they can seem very real, but there’s no specific evidence or reasoning behind them except the amnesia”.

“Oh”.

“Today we’re going to go into more detail from the accident”.

“Okay” Arthur agreed. He knew that he ended up in hospital, waking up after ten months in a coma.

“I just need you to sign here, to allow me to access your medical records for the care plan notes”.

“Sure” Arthur agreed as he signed on the dotted line. “I thought you’d already have access?”

“I do” Merlin said. “However to access it I do require written consent for all the legal things”.

“Ah. Okay then” Arthur said, signing the required documents and waiting for Merlin to access the computer.

“It was reported by passer-byers that you were face down in the river Thames on the morning of the 27th of December at around quarter past ten. You were pulled out from the river by the police and cardio-pulmonary resuscitation was performed on you as soon as you were pulled out, an ambulance was en-route. Paramedics arrived on the scene via motorbike, car and transport ambulance. A heartbeat was detected when the defribillator pads were on, then you regained consciousness and were very much aware of who you were, even so you were transported to hospital for further investigations, where you were met and identified by your ex-wife, Guinevere Smith who is a nurse. The hospital was very busy that day and as you had regained consciousness—albeit with a slightly reduced Glasgow coma scale of 14, you spent around three to four hours waiting in the ambulance, then a portacabin makeshift ward before being taken to majors. While there an ECG was done which showed atrial fibrillation, your risk of ischemic stroke remained low due to past medical history however there were concerns as to intracranial bleeding, and potential haemorrhagic stroke”.

Arthur bit his lip. It didn’t sound good.

“A CT scan showed bleeding on the brain so the decision was made to put you in an induced coma in intensive care. An x-ray was done to ensure that there was no aspiration from the drowning, you were completely lucid, however your body required rest to prevent more brain damage and to let your heart rhythm come back to normal. Then you were given high concentrations of oxygen, and anaesthetic drugs through an IV to put you to sleep, at which point a tube was put down your throat to the lungs and you were hooked up to a ventilator. Daily scans were carried out and the bleeding did stop, and the swelling reduced after two weeks”.

Arthur nodded, urging Merlin to continue. He’d survived all of that? While his knowledge of all things medical wasn’t as good as before he lost his memory, he still had a grasp of some things. The severity of what happened wasn’t good at all, Arthur realised he was extremely lucky to be alive.

“On the ninth of January, you were deemed well enough for sedation to be lifted, so this occurred gradually. Except, you did not wake. The decision to stop life support was not taken lightly, as EEG’s showed brain activity. Even so, you were breathing on your own. A nasal cannula was applied and then you remained on the ward, in a bay of other patients with daily care. Until Friday the thirteenth of October 2017, the day you awoke”.

“I remember that” Arthur frowned slightly at the memory. He wasn’t sure if they were memories from the accident, or visions returning, even if they seemed to be from a different time. Lying in the bed with the crisp white sheets, looking at the bright lights of the white ceiling. His heart hammering away in his chest, gasping for air. Doctors and nurses rushing around, the sound of an alarm, lights being shined into his eyes. Then it stopped. Eventually, the rush of doctors and nurses stopped. He was allowed to rest. Until the next day, when the physiotherapist hauled him out of bed with all his wires and catheter bag, the IV poles around him with the bag hanging on the zimmer frame as he was made to walk the corridors of the high dependency unit. How had he been able to walk after all that time in a coma, with no muscular atrophy? Until they could finally remove a few of them, no more catheter, no more arterial line and he was allowed onto a normal ward. He stayed there for a week, in the corner of a room with three other men, being taken off the ward for occupational therapy tests which he’d failed. Then he went to rehabilitation, to relearn how to live. He spent four months there before he was allowed to go back to his flat in London just as the new year began. He was learning how to live again, and each day he learnt more and more. Then he met Morgana, and he learnt to love again. And all of a sudden, life had a whole new meaning to it.

“The reports say that you awoke at three in the afternoon, and pupils were dilated and reactive to light, meaning that you had good brain function. You were extremely confused and struggled to get words out at first, which was deemed to be due to lack of voice usage. You were kept under constant supervision to ensure that you would not become agitated and remain calm, which you did. You were taken off the nasal cannula and all observations were normal. The following morning, the physiotherapist made you start to get out of bed, with assistance and that of a frame. Despite lack of use there was no muscular atrophy, you slowly managed to get back to walking around as normal and were taken to a regular ward after a few days. The neurologist with occupational health decided that you should go to rehabilitation, where you then relearnt to read, write and live again”.

Arthur nodded along numbly.

“Do you have any questions, Arthur?” Merlin asked.

“No, I don’t think so” Arthur murmured. “When is our next appointment?”

“Today is the eighth, I’m then off next week so let’s pencil in our next appointment for our usual time on the 22nd”.

Arthur didn’t know how to feel as left the centre. None of it made sense. He was extubated but still able to breathe? And he spent nine months in a coma, but was able to get up and walk a day later? Something wasn’t right, something didn’t add up but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He wouldn’t even be able to talk to Merlin about it for another two weeks, as the doctor was due to be on annual leave until the last week of March. So instead, he decided to go home. Morgana was at work, although on the early shift so it gave him time to think. They’d still be able to talk, but he wasn’t even sure he wanted to talk about it. All he felt was annoyed, annoyed that he was going through this, annoyed that he wasn’t able to continue his career as a doctor because he couldn’t remember anything, annoyed with Gwen, annoyed at how nothing made sense anymore. Now there was these visions, which only made everything even more confusing.

After leaving The Munro centre, Arthur just wanted to run. He wanted nothing more than to run, so instead of taking the tube back home he went for a run, even though he wasn’t even slightly prepared, being in his regular clothes instead of gym wear, but he couldn’t stop the need to run. He decided to run halfway home and then walk the rest of the way, the cold spring air making his ears cold and his nose red. Usually, he loved London in the spring. It was such a simple thing. Only last week he and Morgana walked together, everything feeling absolutely perfect as though it would all work out. The sessions with Merlin were helpful, but they left him absolutely drained. Even if he took the long way, he had to go home. Morgana was on a long shift, so she wouldn’t be back until late, meaning Arthur had some time to be with his thoughts and cook.

“Hey” Morgana greeted cheerfully as she entered the apartment after her shift. “How was your day?”

“It was fine” Arthur shrugged, not looking up from what he was cooking.

“What have you made for dinner?” Morgana asked. “It looks lovely”.

“Lentil soup”.

“I’m going to quickly shower before dinner, is that okay?”

“It’s fine” Arthur replied. Morgana frowned slightly, but took her work bag and made her way to her bedroom. She quickly took off her makeup and showered, not bothering to wash her hair as she had the day off tomorrow. Something was going on with Arthur, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. The soup was already in bowls on the table when Morgana finished her shower, with slices of toast on a large plate in the middle for them to share.

“How was work?” Arthur asked.

“It was good” Morgana blinked. “Yeah, it was good. Good day, busy but good”.

“That’s nice” Arthur nodded, looking down at his bowl.

“Are you okay?” Morgana asked.

“I’m fine” Arthur insisted.

“It’s just that” Morgana continued.

“I’m fine” Arthur cut her off.

“Okay” Morgana sighed. The rest of their dinner passed in silence, the sound of spoons on the bowl the only noise in the apartment. Soon enough, Arthur stood up, washed up his bowl and retreated to his room. Clearly something had happened, and he didn’t want to talk to Morgana about it but she couldn’t help but worry about him as she watched him close his bedroom door.

Morgana decided to give him his space for half an hour, then decided enough was enough and made her way to his room. She knocked on the door, and without waiting for an answer made her way in.

“I don’t know what happened” Morgana started. “I don’t know what’s bothering you, and if you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have to. But I love you, Arthur. I’m your girlfriend, I love you and I am here for you”.

Arthur felt tears welling in his eyes. The whole time, he’d been wrapped up with his own feelings he hadn’t even considered how Morgana would feel. And the other thing he tended to forget—he was no longer alone.

“Thank you” Arthur breathed as he made his way to his girlfriend, gently kissing her.