Archive of Our Own ^beta

Be the light in the dark of this danger ‘til the sun comes up.

You had made it your mission from the very beginning to discover the team’s love languages- their little comforts, their calm in the storm. People need people after all- someone to pick them up when things get bad, to help them carry on through it all.

*

Penelope’s had been easy. 

The first time you met her she had enveloped you in the warmest bone crushing hug. You knew instantly that that would be the first of many hugs the two of you would share. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and it was clear to see when she needed an embrace- be it physical or otherwise. 

During difficult cases, when you could hear her voice crack over the phone or see her start to get overwhelmed, you knew a hug was in order the moment you got back. Sometimes you would stumble upon something sparkly or rainbow in whatever town you were in that simply screamed Penelope and you would just have to bring it home for her. It was a simple gesture, but she always treated each and every gift like you were handing her solid gold. All of the hugs you shared were as much for you as they were for her.

*

Derek’s was nuanced. 

It was inside jokes and knowing glances. It was looking out for one another, an unsaid understanding. It was there in the times you would joke around together, him throwing you over his shoulder while you shrieked gleefully. Other times, it was there in the quiet, in the moments of vulnerability. It had been difficult to get there at first, to break down those walls, but you had waited patiently. 

There was something there, a pull that you felt towards him. He was such a strong, comforting presence. There was an immediate safeness in being in his orbit, and you were thankful that you had the privilege to know him. You found yourself sharing things with him that you had not dared tell anyone, and he had opened up to you in return. That, tempered with your easy, natural interactions, made you both lean on one another instinctually.

*

Rossi’s was seen in action, in time spent together. 

There was no use in getting him gifts- he had no need for material objects. He was a man of taste and means and you knew that anything tangible you could give him would be appreciated, but wholly unnecessary. Instead, you noticed the joy he took in the moments you all shared with one another. They were moments that none of you took for granted. You all knew how quickly they could be taken away.

Whether it was a night out at a bar or a quiet evening in learning how to cook one of his classic dishes, there was a healing quality to your gatherings. You benefited as much as he did, and you made sure to make a point to reach out to him- especially when he went silent. That was when he needed it the most. It was simple: a knock on his office door, a quirk of the eyebrow, a raise of a glass.

*

Emily was a tough one to crack. 

She always insisted that she was fine, and she gave off this aura of being impenetrable. You were able to figure it out after a while. It was in the unstated gestures, in the ways you tried to take some of the weight off of her shoulders. When you saw her struggling, you would take the unfinished case files from her desk without a word. If she noticed, she would protest, but after the first few times she had learned better. You would help any of them whenever you could- they were your family after all. 

Once she had gotten past pretending that things didn’t affect her, the walls continued to crumble. When she was noticeably stressed on the jet or late in the office, you would take her hands in yours, painting the bitten nails with whatever color you had on hand. Again, she had protested at first, but once you switched to only using black polish, she would give you her hand with a willing smile. It had become a sort of routine for the two of you, one that you both took comfort in.

*

JJ’s was simple to understand and to reciprocate. 

It was in the kind remarks you shared: the words of encouragement when things got tough and the affirmation of her triumphs when she came out on the other side. You didn’t envy her having to go through case after case, deciding which ones the team would take on and which would be put by the wayside. You reminded her that she was doing the best she could- that she was making a difference in people’s lives.

Cases with kids would hit her the hardest, you knew, and while you were in the middle of an especially difficult one, you would stop at the coffee shop on your way in, picking up her favorite pastry or drink. She would accept it with a quiet smile and a warm hug, and you knew the weight of the appreciation behind the embrace. Sometimes, just knowing someone was on your side was enough.

*

Hotch would never admit his, but you knew.

It was subtle contact, a comforting presence by his side. It had been tricky to decipher at first. He put on such a front, always stoic and unreadable. There was a broad assumption that he was the rock, the one who was always calm under pressure. It was unspoken, but always there. You knew better.

You could see the times when the facade would crack, when the emotion would threaten to pull him down. After a particularly hard case, you would sit beside him on the jet, your leg resting against his. The words between you went unstated, but from the glance he sent your way and the way the tension seemed to leave his body, he knew what you were saying. His shoulders would relax, his leg just barely pressing back into yours while he stared out the window. His strength was your anchor, and your tenderness was his.

*

Spencer’s had been the hardest for you to figure out.

He had dodged your handshake the day you had met, so you had ruled out physical affection. There was, however, something to be said for the easy way you shared facts, going back and forth discussing the most random tidbits. He had looked startled the first time that you had tacked on your opinion to his spout of statistics, asking him what he thought about one thing or the other. This repartee had blossomed into an effortless friendship, but that seemed to be as far as you could go before you ran into the walls that he had so carefully constructed.

It stayed that way until a case that had knocked the wind out of all of you, where everything that could go wrong did go wrong. There had been a knock on your hotel door that night and you had opened it to find him standing there, all messy hair and rumpled pajamas. He had all but collapsed into your arms, his chest heaving as he held onto you. There were no words spoken between you, but you spent the night holding one another. Now, you found each other’s arms easily whenever one of you was hurting. It was instinctive, natural almost. You leaned on him as much as he leaned on you.

*

Yours was everything. 

It was in the way Penelope would squeal as she ran towards you, the way she spoke to you as though every word was a gift. 

It was in Derek’s teasing words, his elbow to your side just to make you laugh. 

It was in Rossi’s quiet understanding, the way he knew just what to say to make you feel better. 

It was in Emily’s unending stream of cat photos, the way her hand found yours when things got rough. 

It was in the way JJ kept you calm, always a steady presence ready to fight alongside you. 

It was in Hotch’s subtle smiles, the way he looked out for you no matter the circumstances.

It was in Spencer’s trust in you, trust that you knew had to be earned- and you did not take that lightly.

It was in everything.

It was in family.

Your family.

Surely someone will reach out a hand and show you a safe place to land.